93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Pantie Sniffer

Episode Date: August 28, 2026

Originally Aired August 28, 2026: My chair smells like douche. Aura-farming. Everything you've ever wanted to know about getting ego'd.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X have-assed morning show. Ninety-nine. Don't take this personal, but I hate that your desk is next to mine. We're the cubicle. I've considered taking you line with your shit. You get hit by a bus. There you go, everybody.

We've hit that sweet spot. We have. We've hit that Who Gives a Rats' ass? We're on our way out. Anyway, sweet spot. It's the Friday program. And it couldn't have happened to a nicer group of people. Welcome, everyone, to the 93X Half-Hast Morning Show.

But we actually, we ain't done with you just yet for this week. No, that doesn't mean you'll be hearing us on air tomorrow. God no. But if you want to jawjack a little bit at the Minnesota State Fair, We're making a stop out there tomorrow afternoon. If you're headed out to the flipping fair tomorrow, and you'd like to say hello, by God, it would be our pleasure. We'll be standing around like a pack of Jaybrones out front the 93X booth from one to three in the afternoon tomorrow.

Bring Bunny. We expect everyone to buy something, hat, t-shirt, something, maybe something from the folks at our top. sponsor Hogbauer Automotive. But the motto at the state fair booth this year once again is buy something, get out. We'd love to get a chance to say hello and to thank you personally for supporting this year radio show. Oh, I almost forgot. No kids. No, no pictures. But if you want to say hi, that's all right. There's so many stipulations this year. There's only two. What about Rick Flores? Huh? Sorry, go ahead, Dana. I was going to say, what about Rick Flores? used to say no husbands no boyfriends.

I'm all right with that. Because they can't compete with me in the first place. There's no kids, no pictures. And the other one is buy something or get out. Well, that's not so much a rule as it is like a rule, you know? Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean. You're right.

There was a moment off air yesterday. Now, yesterday I'd imagine. Are you going to be there tomorrow at the fair, Josh? I wish I could make it. Son of a bit. I want to be there. Gosh, I'd love to be there. But, you know, I got a, I got that thing, you know, after the incident.

Yeah. We'll miss you. Yeah, no, you won't. I'd imagine you won't. Of course, I'll be there. Looking forward to this for a while. Good. There was a funny moment yesterday off.

Good. There was a funny moment yesterday off the year. Inside humor. We have a relatively new boss, been here about a year. He is the, he's a good guy, he's a funny dude. If you see him, he even jokes about this. He is the picture of a corporate guy. Wouldn't you say?

Yes, he is. Do you bring him up because he is, is he not going to be at the fair with us tomorrow hanging out? He will. Cool, you get a chance to meet the big boss. And, you know, this is cool. He actually changed his flight. So he doesn't live here.

He kind of bounces back and forth between here in Chicago. But he changed his flight. He wanted to come out and kind of see what it's about. We're about the only people in the company who still live here. It kind of seems that way, doesn't it? Everybody has to fly in for everything now. I ran into a former coworker yesterday, and I was telling him that. I'm like, he's like, hey, does so-and-so still work there?

I'm like, nope, fired so-and-so? Nope, laid off. So-and-so? Nope, also laid off. But yeah, a lot of people are from different markets. That could be a long conversation, right? It kind of went on for a while. Yeah.

So the boss comes in yesterday, and yesterday was the second best day of Nick's life as a boat owner. He sold his boat. I'm so happy for you. Well, I appreciate that, right. The old saying, the happiest day in a boat owner's life is when they buy it, when they sell it, Yesterday I got that second goal happiness. I was able to sell the pig. In a way, a lot of the credit goes to you.

You introduced me to the guy who I got to watch, drive that friggin' boat away. I told you I wasn't going to be happy. I wasn't going to be happy until I saw that pig on a trailer and saw it bouncing off into the horizon. And I got that pleasure yesterday. A lot of the thanks goes to you. Even more than that, though, you said, you told him, hey, text me when you get home. I did. And so once he got home safe, not your problem anymore.

I said, I'm a little worried about the trailer. So please, just text me when you get to your final destination. So I know you're not on the side of the road with two blown tires. But anyway, yes, I had to leave early yesterday to go handle that business. I didn't get a chance to see the big boss. Yeah, you missed this. So he came in and he noticed you're not here. And I said, he's like, oh, where'd Nick go?

Is he all right? I said, yeah, he's fine. He's actually been looking to sell his boat. for a while so he had to go out and meet a guy to sell it and so he sat in your chair. It was so weird. He what? I got to tell you what I didn't know you'd be offended. Well nobody

sits in my freaking chair. Well you're going to have to tell him tomorrow. Marv sat in this chair. Right there. I said, I said you might not want to sit there but then I think I got cut off by either him or Josh at the time. He does it cuts people off. I said it quietly but Yeah, Marv cuts people off. So what happened now?

So he sat in your chair and it was funny. It was kind of like if a red shirt on Star Trek sits in the captain's chair. He was kind of like testing it out and looking around like, oh my God. Yeah, he really was. He's like, wow, he's like, I feel so powerful. Oh, for Christ's sake. The way he played it off was so funny. And I even thought like, oh, I don't know how Nick's going to feel about that, but he played it so well. It was hilarious. I don't like the sound of that. I don't like anybody sitting in my frigging chair. I don't care who you are. What if even a bigger boss than him? What if a bigger boss even than him? I'm going to talk to Marv

tomorrow at the fair about this because that's not cool to sit in my frigging share. Who the hell do you think you are? You ask me, what about an even bigger boss? Mark's the general manager here. He's the biggest boss we have in Minnesota. In Minnesota. But there are bigger bosses. There are, yes.

Stationed in, I think, ground zero for cumulus is in Atlanta, Georgia. Correct. I almost had Josh wet in his pants a few years ago. I think partially out of... fear and partially I think you really also enjoyed this so much you almost wet your pants

not only do we have a guy like Marv the big boss we have another guy named Dave he's the big big boss right so this was the first time that the big big boss visited us here in Minneapolis we didn't even really know what the frigging guy looked like a movie star we found out we just knew he was coming to town and he wanted to meet us

after the show was over so I mean you were a little nervous And so when we step outside the studios, there's a meeting table. I don't know any other way to say it, but a big giant meeting table that sometimes we sit down and have meaningless conversations that go nowhere. But when our show was over that day, we peered out the window and we see this big, big boss seated at that meeting table. and he was sitting in the chair that I always sat in for every meeting. He just happened to be sitting in that chair. Like Josh said, the first thing we noticed about him is he was stunningly handsome.

Honestly, like Tom Cruise looks like a troll next to this guy. Stunningly handsome. But again, some of us were a little nervous. And show was over. It's time to go out to that meeting table and say hello to the big, big, boss. And the first thing I said, when I stepped out the studio, I said, yeah, you're sitting in my chair. And the guy said, oh, I'm sorry. I saw Josh kind of tense up like, you son of a bitch, you're going to get us fired. Stop. Yeah, I was wondering how's this going to go. I said, hey, bro,

sitting in my chair. We have been lucky that, you know, the shift in philosophy, or I don't even know how to put it. It's been a lot different with the bosses. We've been pretty lucky. Don't be, moral of the story, don't be scared of these big, these big tough guys. Oh, no, they're great. They're great. Shove them right out of the way. They respond well to that. If you don't mind me going to the same type of theme, there's a moment that you reverted me back to

middle school or high school a couple days ago. Maybe you remember when we were leaving the building. Oh, God. Do you mind me sharing those? No, not at all. Not at all. This was flipping junior high. Don't let anyone ever tell you that you're too old for a little bit of junior high.

shenanigans. This was, yeah, go ahead. Actually, you, so I've got my work-ordered physical today, and I have to have them check my stomach because my stomach still hurts from holding in laughter until we left. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Oh, my gosh, it was great. So we're in the bathroom, and somebody was so rude. They were pooping while we were in there trying to pee. They were. You know, and.

Cubby and I like to go into the men's room together and get hip-to-hip, and so we did. And, yeah, you're right. Hold hands on your way there. Some rude bastard is in the, uh, in the stall taking a dump. Why would somebody do that? Just kidding, of course. So we didn't know who it was. Had a suspicion.

I had no idea. Oh, you didn't? No. I didn't look for shoes or anything. I didn't care. My process of elimination of like Dana was gone. There's like four people that are here. There's one other dude.

So I figured it's got to be him, right? And he's a relatively newer guy too. And we go and Nick just kind of hovers his hand over the light switch. And I thought, he's just cracking me up here. Yeah. And then he turned the light off. Dude, that's so bogus. It's this guy who's in there.

And it's dark in. I mean, there's no window, nothing. When you turn the light off, that is dark in there. And we waited. And we waited. And we waited. And he goes, um. Yeah.

The guy who was taking, that's all he did. The guy who was taking a deuce goes, um. And we waited. And I flipped it back on before we left. Aggravated my stomach again. Seventh grade. all over again. I couldn't believe you did it because I thought you know you're like I'm joking I would never do it. Especially since you know we sure we see a hi to the guy a lot obviously but don't know

him super well. I got to talk to him at the Christmas party. Who is this? Write his name down. I don't know who he is. He probably wouldn't mind. Joel's his name. Oh, you did it to Joel? That's so nice. Well, if I would have looked under the stall, I would have known it was Joel because his feet would have been dangling from the toilet. Um, he said. Anyway, he said it was first. It was very valley girl, wasn't it? Um, uh, hello.

Did he laugh after? No. No, I don't think he thought it was as funny as we did, but I tried to make no sound. And I was, honestly, I was out of breath. I was holding it in. I'm surprised you didn't just run away, Josh. Like, out of, like, you know, scared and embarrassed or you felt bad. I did a little bit, but it was so, it reminded me so much of junior high and high school that I had to

stick around. You had to mess with the kid in the stalling when we were kids, for sure. You know, I would have thought it was funnier than he did, to be honest with you. For the same reason, like, I can't believe somebody an adult just shut the light off. Yeah, it's stupid, but it works every time. Ah, that was fun.

All right. State Fair tomorrow, 1 to 3. No kids, no pictures, buy something, get out. We're loose on those rules, aren't we? What's the theme tomorrow? What is the theme? Every state fair, do you know, Josh? Oh, the day?

Yes. Boy, good question. Because I know you follow that. You usually let us know that. Yeah. This year, can I be honest with you? I've been very lazy about it. Well, that's all right.

Let me see. It's weird Al day. Well, today. I know. I know Weird Al is playing tonight. I'm talking about tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Weird Al. When we are at the fair tomorrow.

So, yeah, tomorrow it's Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis. I know my wife's going to try and go to that. Oh, they're playing at the grandstand. Yeah, it's like a... Wow. They're calling it a celebration of Minneapolis sound. Wow, that's, I mean, those guys are legendary. Legend, for sure.

They work with some of my favorites, like New Edition. They were behind the New Edition record in the late 80s that really pushed them into the, what the hell was the name of that record? Text me, what was the name of the big record in the late 80s that New Edition made where Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis were behind it? Janet Jackson. It's on the tip of my tongue. Absolutely.

Janet Jackson. So yeah, my- more like Freddie Jackson, really. As you guys know, my wife's big into that kind of stuff, so she's going to be going to that. She's super excited about that. Heartbreak, that was the record that they made for new edition. Heartbreak with if it is in love.

Yeah, it isn't like senior day or military appreciation day or kid day or anything like that. I'm not a, I'm not a big man. I'm not a strong man. I'm not a milk man. I'm not a pizza delivery man. So we can't figure out the theme? It's 4-H day. Oh! There you go.

So... 4H is awesome. All right, Josh. Here's another shot. You failed me the first time I came up with this idea. If it's 4H day tomorrow, then shouldn't we wear our overalls? I don't have any overalls. Well, wasn't it last year two years ago, we made a promise to each other to wear overalls to the fair?

We could get you a pair easily. And I thought you must have had a pair because you said you would show up wearing your overalls. I showed up wearing mine, and you showed up wearing your cliche hoodie and basketball shorts. Oh, I wore my underalls. Yeah, I should have wore my overalls.

That was my mistake. I'll see if I can find some overalls today. Where do you get those? Overalls are us. Overalls and Fitch. You could probably do like maybe Cabellas or a place like that. I think they would have them. Cablell. Fleet Farm. Alls.

Oh, I think I've got a discount. Code to Sheels. You don't have to wear the overalls. It's going to be too friggin' hot. You know, you can get overall shorts. What are overall shorts? Like the girls wear. I have a pair of them.

They're just, you know, instead of pants, they're just little shorts, but they have the same overall contraption on the top. If it is in love. A fleet farm. Thank you, classic country. Of course, fleet farm. Yes.

That's not fleet farm. Did you? Yeah. Yeah, she did. Oh, I'm sorry, Ashley. Do you remember that a couple years ago? I showed up wearing the overalls and you did not. I do.

I do remember you wearing them and you looked good and them. Thank you. I thought so, too. When my dad died, I inherited two pairs of overalls. Hey, don't duh, me insomniac, Jesus. You come on here when you're terribly nervous and do a radio show. Yeah, of course. What the hell are you terribly nervous about?

Because Marv's in town? No, it's just in general. We're here. Don't be nervous. Did that some bitch sit in my chair? He sure did. He paid you the ultimate respect, though. Yeah, Fleet Farm. Ashley, why don't you say Fleet Farm?

It's right there. Menards, too, I bet. They have everything. They got every damn thing, she says. I don't need a reason to go to one of those places. So tomorrow's 4-H-day. You might as well just check them all, just in case, Josh. I wouldn't mind.

Exactly. I was worried about this a little bit. I visited you, as you know, Ashley, at Menards. Yeah. It was far from my house. I'm very committed to my coworkers. Yeah, you're great. And, you know, I came out to see you, of course.

But then your husband had a ruin. He's like, oh, he probably just wanted. I wanted to go to Menards. Yeah. I'm like, dude, I passed like three Menards on my way there. I went to go see your wife to say hello. I looked at him and I said, do you really think so? I was like, really?

No, no, no, no. So, of course, you wanted to see you. But Menards was definitely, or that definitely helped the situation. Yeah, well, that's true. I never mind going to a Monard. Right. If tomorrow's 4-H day, I wonder if this is allowed. I'd like to invite a full.

4-H kid to stop by our booth tomorrow with their prize beast. That'd be sweet. God dang it. I would love that so much. Walk your cow over to our booth tomorrow between one and three. We'd love to meet you and your cow. It could be a 4-H adult, too, of course. Walk your goat, your chicken, your horse, pig.

Isn't our bro Clay Matfix kid? involved in the 4-H stuff. Didn't you tell us about that a couple years ago? Yeah, and I hate myself because Clay called me a couple days ago, and I frigging all about it with all this selling my boat and all this other garbage going on in my life. I forgot to talk to the Clayboy. Yes. So we have an open invitation for any 4-H individual to bring their prized animal to see us tomorrow from 1 to 3. I don't know if that's allowed. I don't know if the state fair is going to kick our ass for me even bringing up such an idea, but that would be really cool, wouldn't it, to have a blue ribbon pig hang out at the...

Yeah, that would be anything. I kind of forgot. Well, yeah, I mentioned. That's what's so cool. Whatever you want. The state fair is a bit particular. You're right, so maybe they would. Yeah, maybe if it was one of the smaller handheld animals.

You know, whatever, whatever we can get away with. Yes, Clayman, the Clayboy, legendary local woodsman and world-renowned play-by-playman on ESPN. his son and daughter, I believe this year he's got a daughter involved in the state fair with their steer. Last year, I believe his son took a blue ribbon. F me, I forgot to talk to the Clayboy. I forgot to call him back. You got time. He'll understand. Maybe, yeah, next week. Let's ask Clay about all this again, because I found it to be really interesting last year. year when he was explaining how these competitions work and this and that. So let's plan on talking

to Clay next week, see if we can sort something out because that stuff, I like that kind of thing. This is cool. Classic Country Jesus just let us know that Steve Sokolow, the one-man band. He's going to be at the fair tomorrow shortly after we're there. And then also on Sunday, 4 o'clock at the West End market stage. We should. After we're done, we should go see his show in person. Absolutely. Absolutely. We brought him up a few weeks ago.

We were kind of introduced to him by a listener. A listener turned us on to some of his YouTube videos where he's one dude, sits on a chair and plays 37 different instruments at one time. He's very popular up north. He plays everywhere up north. That'd be great. So he's got, again, it's tomorrow and Sunday, four, five, and six. Three shows West End Market Stage.

Let's go over there afterwards. I'm fine with that. I know exactly how to get there, Covey. An old friend of mine just texted me, you can't have 4-H animals outside of a block from the barns. Well, we'll work it out. We'll get them over there. We'll smuggle one in.

Yeah. We'll make something happen. We've got to put a trench coat on it. That's what works in the cartoons. Exactly. There's a couple pigs on each other's shoulders, top hat on. That'll be all right. So what else is going?

going on. It's the Friday show. Yeah, we'll talk a Randy Shaver, Brad, right, or this, that. Anyone else got something on their minds? Oh, tattooed low-life Jesus said he can bring over his non-award-winning pig, but he said, you know, we broke up 30 years ago and I have no clue where she left to talk to. I knew

it was going to be only a matter of time. A matter of time. Yes, there will be Hogbauer automotive T-shirts for sale at the fair. I brought up a few minutes ago. You must have just tuned in. We've got brand new half-ass morning show hats, which we're all very proud of. That's just some of the merch you can find tomorrow or any day

when you stop by the 93X booth, buy something, get out. Here's a listener who wants to know if there'll be Hogbauer automotive t-shirts on the boat. I'm going to say there's a very good chance. Coming up September 18th, probably. I'd imagine they'll make sure that happens. Yeah, even if we sell out, to get out to the fair for everybody. Even if we sell out, I imagine they would make more of them. Yeah, or rock the river.

Rock the river boat cruise. We always have two a year, booze cruises. One is Independence Day themed. And one in September, where we rock the river, So that'll be Friday, September 18th, in case you haven't gotten yourself a ticket yet. As far as I know, tickets are still for sale on our website, 93x.com. I'll see if I'm going to try right now and buy some. September 18th, 7 to 10 p.m. on the mighty Mississippi with Paddleford River boats.

Wonderful crowd over there. Anytime bail bonds and, of course, Hogbauer Automotive sponsors this year's Rock the River. $25 gets your big useless carcass on the boat with the rest of us. live music by damn it's the rock brigade we'll be performing I hope they do that one and food from the lookout at Maple Grove I think they'd get side-eyed if they were called rock brigade and they did not play rock brigade because there's no way they don't know there's a deaf leopard song called rock there's no way they don't know that yeah please play that song I missed that

style of deaf leopard all right so I tried to buy tickets there are still tickets available what we've noticed if you Google this the rock the river, it takes you to a link from an old one, which makes it look like it's sold out. Because right away, people are saying, well, look, it's sold out. So go through our website, and that's the way to do it. So you can find the right one. Excellent. Here's a listener who's texted in, 651, 989, 93, Luther Key of Bloomington text line. Here's a listener who texted in to say, you always mentioned Hogbauer Automotive at 3rd Avenue and Main Street, but what city? It's 3rd Avenue and Main Street.

Yeah, they don't really ever say. Third Avenue and Main Street, dude. It's easy enough to find. Yeah. Somebody texted in and they said, hey, we're on third and third in Minneapolis and we're not finding this place. And I had to say, well, yeah, it's Third Avenue and Main Street, not Third Street. But, you know, what that third and third, that's Rick's Cabaret.

Yeah. Just stop right in there. Yeah. Third and third, downtown Minneapolis, Rick's Cabaret. How about 1060 West Avenue? Madison in Chicago. I don't know. It's Wrigley Field.

What movie, The Blues Brothers? What else is going on? Hot Santa Rocks, Jesus. Can a guy buy any of that merchandise online? After the fair, likely is when they'll do that. You never know from year to year, but our promotions department, they're pretty on top of things. So I'd imagine that's possible.

All right, there you go. So tonight is the weird Al-Yankovic concert, You lucky bastards who got your tickets to go see Weird Al, have a blast. Maybe some of you is their first timers. He is going to part your hair for you. Sounds like so much fun. He will part your hair. And part of the show is just fan watching and how into Weird Al the fans are.

Yeah, I got real drunk at a Weird Al show. Fell down the stairs at the state fair. Oh, Grandstand? Yeah. Oh, man. Dude, yeah, that does not feel good. The pitch to it. Ooh, weird.

Oh, wow. It was humbling because not only did it hurt like hell, Big Al and I decided to get awful drunk, and we reached that level three or four hours before Weird Al was even set to take the stage. So by the time we walked in, we were pretty tuned up. And at one point during the Weird Al set, and we were sitting quite a ways up the Grandstand, at one point during the Weird Al set,

it was my turn to buy a round. And there's no one walking the bleachers up and down selling you Steve Wisers. You got to walk on down to the little pavilion or whatever they. So it was my turn. I started navigating those stairs and I lost her. I lost her, Covee. I don't mess a guy out. Kind of half rolled and half skitted down those hard concrete stairs.

When I got to the bottom, a gentleman declared me safe. That's a good line. Awesome. And I got a lot of looks. Got a lot of looks. And the looks that I was being given by adults, I could tell they were thinking, who gets hammered at a weird owl show? Because it's a lot of kids, you know, but he puts on such an unbelievable show.

I got a buddy. He's out of town this weekend. He knew he's going to be out of town when this weird owl show got announced. But he's such a big weird owl fan that he decided, you know, I got to meet the man. So a couple months ago, he drove down to Omaha and paid for a meet and great experience, He's got a photo with him. And as you can imagine, said he was just absolutely delightful in person, just as sweet as you can imagine. He seems that way.

He seems like a very nice, humble guy, despite his success. Yeah. I mean, for generations here now. I don't know, 10 years ago, maybe, I was wandering around the fair. I knew that Weird Al was performing that evening, didn't have a ticket. But I had to be there because it was Weird Al Day at the fair. He just adds an extra vibe when you know that night at the Grand Central. stand one of the most brilliant artists who have ever lived is going to be performing there so i just

even though i wasn't going into the show i just wanted to be part of the scene and i got lucky i rounded the corner at a local television station had weird al up on a stage and they were interviewing him and i don't know if you've noticed this josh as a fellow weird al yankovic fan and i'm not trying to insult al yankovic i mean i'm not I'm stupid, but I'm not crazy. But to me, he doesn't seem to really enjoy being interviewed. He seems uncomfortable. He does.

Even after all, you know, his public appearances and everything he does. That's the vibe I get, and that's neither here nor there. I'm just, I thought I'd share that with you. And maybe other weirdie Al fans are saying, yeah, I've noticed that too. Maybe somebody is you're disagreeing with me. We interviewed him, and he's very nice, obviously, but he does seem just kind of uncomfortable. Like, it's not natural form. So I walk up and I wandered up and got into a good spot to see this live television interview with Weird Al Yankovic at the State Fair.

And yes, he did look like he would rather be anywhere else. But anyway, what happens next is the interviewer asked him what I thought was a tough question to answer. It was kind of a dumb question. The interviewer said something along the lines of, and there was a lot of people, of course, watching this interview. The interviewer said something along the lines of, when you look at the line of, when you look out onto this crowd, when you look on to this crowd full of Minnesotans, like, what do you notice?

Right? I mean, what do you mean? Yeah. And again, the interviewer might have just been stuck, and, you know, we've been there. So again, the question was, when you look out onto this, and I think what the interviewer was hoping

is that Weird Al would say something cheesy, like, they're the best crowd I've ever seen, and then they'll get a cheap pop and it'll look good on television. So again, the question was, when you look out onto this Minnesota crowd, what do you notice? And Al Yankovic says this. And again, he looked kind of aggravated. And he says, I don't know.

I noticed that some of them are Asian. And it was just funnier than hell. What was he? What? Jeez. I was not expecting that. What was he supposed to say? Yeah, I mean.

I mean, he was right. Some of us were. Some of us were this. An Asian guy. A couple of white people over there. I thought he knocked it out of the park with that. That was funny. That's great because I never would have anticipated that as an answer.

He was, yeah, he was right. Some of us were. All right, we'll get going. We'll get going with the Friday program. And we'll hit up the stupid news when we return. here on the Half Fast Morning Show. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning.

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-E. Start for a day with a morning. Jolt of Drake C. Toll. See, now it's on demand. My podcast is kind of a radio thing, I think,

but also it's a bit of a TV show, and it's about whatever I want it to be. It's listening live as it happened, when it happened, with the instant reaction. You're home for talking sports. We go back, the Great Toll Show, Westwood One Sports Network, and there will be on demand on your radio. Anywhere in the country, I'll see you there. Westwood One Sports Talk. Your home for Drake's E. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. I don't know. It's just, it's not working for me this morning, Josh.

I can't get comfortable. Not feeling it? Well, let me tell you what's going on over here. My chair smells like douche. Oh, no. I can't deny there's a smell coming off my chair. Well, can I narrow down? It smells kind of douchey.

Yeah, go ahead. Is it, would it smell like douche? if somebody else sat in it. Oh, that's right. You told me the boss sat in my chair yesterday. Would that make a difference? Obviously, it's making a difference right now. I mean, I wasn't here yesterday. Boss sat in my chair. That explains everything.

Yeah. All right. He's a well-known douche. That must be it. Got another one of these text messages, is what I was trying to say. And I always enjoy this. You know, some of you know, some of you don't really know just yet, and that's fine. and it's always a fun explanation. I'm very proud of the whole Jesus and Sheez's thing

that we've had cooking on this program for decades. Everybody out there's got their own little Jesus or Sheez's name. Helps us get to know you better. It's a cute little gimmick. But every once in a while, someone will stumble into the mix. They don't know the rules. They don't know what's happening. So a listener texted in a few minutes ago and said,

how do I get me one of those Jesus names? I like how they phrase that. Right. Very typical question. And I don't mean that as an insult, but we get that text once in a while because folks just don't know. And it's real easy. Just text us with your title. Come up with your own Jesus or Jesus' name.

Whatever you settle on, text it to us. And from then on out, that will be your name. So that's what happened. dude texted in. How do I get me one of those Jesus' names? I said, just text it to us and it's yours. And this is the message that I received in return, Josh. He says,

Hear ye, hear ye. A proclamation. I love him already. From this day forward, on this, the 28th day of the eighth month of the year of our Lord 20 and 26. Excellent start. I shall henceforth be known as Mikey 2 milks Jesus.

So everyone say hello to Mikey 2 milks Jesus. Hi, Mikey 2 milks, Jesus. Welcome him. Thank you so much for being a part of this. Ladies, have sex with Mikey 2 milks. Welcome to the Brotherhood. That's as easy as it gets,

as as as easy as it is right there. We got another one here. People are texting in some Jesus names. And again, thank you for joining. smells like trees Jesus. Again, if ladies, once you get done with one Jesus, you want to move on to the next one, smells like trees, Jesus. We've got a raccoon Jesus.

Oh, God. Oh, no. I'm doing a lot of copying and pasting right now. We'll remember you. We will. Yes. Oh, God, sorry. I get so gassy.

And it climbs right on up and it falls out. Another new one here. It ain't very big around, but it sure is short. Jesus. Beautiful. 651. 989. 93.

I don't know what this one means, but side dump Jesus has checked in as well. Well, he drives a side dump dump truck. Oh, okay. I can picture what that looks like. Go ahead.

There's so many. If you've already been established, we love when you just check in and announce who you are. If you haven't yet been established, text us and tell us who you are. We have a former coworker who told a new employer that he could operate a side dump truck, right?

And he's like, no, no, I'm totally fine with this. I can do it. And he rolled it on his first. He didn't last too long at that new job, I was told. Somebody sent us a photo of that. I felt so bad. Like, oh, no, that's got to be so embarrassing. Son of a bitch, he rolled it over?

Yeah. Did he just assume he could figure it out? Yes. You know, he's a pretty confident guy, even in things he'd never done before. and that's too bad. Pooper duty, Jesus. He's on pooper duty? Living life as an adult,

it can be difficult for some folks. Some of them, some folks are destined to be pissy little children until the day that they die. For example, your average grown person should know when it's necessary to contact the police and when it's not. Here's a guy, Dinkus, he's English, so he's playing short-handed from the get-go. A day or two ago, Dinkus was looking, he was looking forward to setting outside in the park

and having himself a little drinky drink. That's what he was looking to do. So he ups and buys a bottle of gin from his neighborhood grocery, and he heads off to that park that I was telling you about. But there turned out to be a problem. Dinkus bought a bottle of alcohol-free gin. N-A. gin. Have you guys ever had something like that? Personally, I didn't know there was such a thing, Josh,

but I guess it stands to reason if there's non-alcoholic beer. Why wouldn't there be non-alcoholic gin? Yeah, I've had non-alcoholic gin, non-alcoholic tequila when I was pregnant. Does it taste like that? Yeah, it's pretty close. The thing that bothered me is obviously it doesn't have the smell. So, like, it doesn't really, it's not as close as you'd like it to be, but it's decent. Does it still taste like pine salt?

Yeah. I don't really like the smell of tequila, so I wouldn't mind that too much. Because when you're down in the dumps and you need something to bring you up, there's only one drink that's going to do with the way you want it. Josh knows the answer. Cold gin. Cold gin. So yeah, here's a guy.

Dinkus goes out to his grocery, buys a bottle of gin, sets his ass down in that park to mix himself a couple of drinkies, and he found out that he had purchased N.A. gin. Dinkas considered this accidental purchase of N.A. Hooch. He thought this was reason enough to call the police. he thought he had gotten screwed. I think he made some argument about how the grocery store had the N.A. gin in the same aisle as the real gin. So he thought this was reason enough to call the police.

If you hear the audio of the telephone call from Dinkus to the local police, the operator quickly informed him that this was not a police matter. Okay, so this is not a police matter. I'm really angry. So all get rid of it. So I'll get arrested. Why would you get arrested? Because I'm not having it.

I've just paid him six quid for non-alcoholic, gin and tonic. Okay, you need to go and speak to Tesco's calmly. You need to take the driver again. You'll just take an alcoholic one then, and I'll be down for fifth. No, I'm not suggesting that. God and not. He doesn't have to leave NASA. I'm going to clear the line.

No, yes. Cubby, was this town in England called Oz? I know. He kind of sounded like Dudley Moore if he was two octaves higher. The English, I couldn't follow a word there. Well, basically he's saying, all right, fine. I'm just going to commit a crime and get arrested. Oh, yeah, that's true. He did.

Dinkus didn't listen to the police station operator. He keeps running his little yap. He said he went on back to the grocery store hoping to exchange the N.A. bottle of gin for a real one. The grocery store told him to take a walk. He had already cracked open the bottle. They said, too late, Dinkas. So long, suck. Then, as you may have understood in the audio, there came a point in the conversation where

Dink is told the operator he planned on going back to that grocery store and stealing a bottle of real gin for treating him so poorly. The policeman officer, operator, said, yeah, I wouldn't advise you to go ahead and do that. Not a good idea. I really like the audio. Do you want to hear it again? Maybe now that you know. All it is is high-pitched noises to me.

I just can't understand when English people talk. Yeah, it was kind of hard. Was it difficult for you too? Okay, that answers a question. It's not the audio, it's their delivery. I've told you before. I'm the same way, though, as Nick. I've tried to watch movies where it's all English people, and I can't do it.

I have to turn on the subtitles. I do as well. Can't figure it out. And you know they're speaking English. Yeah, for sure. But it is too difficult. So yes or no. Should I play it again?

Go ahead. It's just like, pebitty, peep-ee-be-de-be-be-be-ee. I'm going to try really hard this time. Yeah, we'll try hard. All right. Okay, so this is not a police matter. I'm really angry, so I'll get arrested. Why would you get arrested?

Because I'm not having it. I've just paid him six quid for non-alcoholic, gin and tonic. Okay, you need going to speak to Tesco's calmly. You need to take a driver again. An alcoholic one then, and I'll be done for fifth. No, I'm not suggesting that. But just a police master, I'm going to clear the line. No, yeah.

Quid. Yeah, I got a couple of the words. I'd shut my eyes so, like, super focus. These are grown people? They sound like six-graders. I heard calmly. For you Ted Lassel fans out there, the dispatcher kind of sounds like Keely Jones. It does.

Oh, yeah. It does. Absolutely. Hot mama, by the way. Oh, my goodness. She's just the cutest little thing, isn't she? Their money's called quid. Quid.

I'd be embarrassed. Just charge me more. I don't want this in quid. What's the next one call? It does sound a little bit like Dudley Moore from Arthur. That's what I, his delivery is similar. just much higher pitch. Remember the scene from Arthur where he's sitting across the table with his fiance,

Susan Johnson? And he says, he's hammered off his ass, of course. Maybe you had to be there. Maybe you've got to be an Arthur fan. But he says, what's the word he uses again? Oh, would you be opposed to naming a child Vladimir, even if it's a girl? So after all this jibber jabber,

you want to know how much Dinkus spent on that accidental bottle of fake gin? Yeah, I believe it's pretty expensive. $8. He was out $8 and thought that it qualified as a police matter. What a putts. Maybe he's a different guy when he drinks.

Maybe. The local cops released that same statement that they always do in situations like this. They said that Dinkus and others like Dinkus wasted the time of one of their television. That's not the word. He wasted the time of one of their telephone operators who could have been helping someone in real need of help, like someone who is on fire or someone who has suddenly and violently lost a limb. The cops told Dinkas that he needed to be an adult.

He needed to suck up that colossal $8 hit to his bank account and understand that sometimes life just simply isn't fair. You know, if people make mistakes, somebody made a mistake. Maybe even he's the one that made the mistake. He grabbed the wrong one. He did. I was wondering, well, what's one higher than a quid? Charge me that. Hot Coco, Sheez has said it's a quiff.

Oh, my God. So it's not a quid, it's a quiff, which is a little more expensive. My bolt, my bolt, I'm having real trouble today. My boat yesterday, Josh, if we were in England, it would have cost 1,000 quif. Are you serious? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know it was worth that much. If we were in England.

Oh, Christ. The electricians and plumbers and some of the other tradespeople in our listing audience, you're going to love this one. Get ready, carpenters. If you're out on the job already, the other tradespeople are going to let you have it here in a matter of moments. Again, we're in stinking. England. But let's just forget that for a few minutes. Get ready carpenters. Because a carpenter

out that way in England, he was working in somebody house like they do. The carpenter dude got himself in trouble. He took to rutting around in the bra and penny drawer in a gal's bedroom. Neal is the name of this carpenter feller. The dumb bass. was going in and out of an upstairs bedroom all damn day, even though all the work that was assigned to him was in the downstairs area by God. It says here that Neil snatched up bras and ladies' underwears. Yes, he did. He sniffed him. And he sniffed him good. He really got in there? Make it worthwhile, I guess. Where's your time? And I'll be damned. Neil even tried on some of the panties for himself.

I bet you look great. Somebody's are. I've never had that desire. Most normal people don't. Not terribly common for a guy to have the desire to some people. I don't want to kink shame. No, no, whatever. I thought things got a little strange during you were like locked in your bed.

I think you had COVID for like a week. Didn't things get a little weird? Now that's not my fault. That's COVID's fault, aka the government. Yep. But I didn't try on any clothes. But I, you know, there was a moment of weakness that I never expected would happen. But I was isolated for 10 days.

Oh, I remember this. You sniffed your own wife's panties. I may or may not have. Again, I had COVID. What, was there some kind of a crazy COVID brain. It was day nine. It was day nine. I was lonely. Well, I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

Isolated. It doesn't make any sense. I mean, was there some mystery about that area? Do you understand what I mean? I'm sorry I don't. I guess it was nine days. Maybe you forgot what she had going on. Yeah.

After being married to this woman for a number of years, there was still some mystery as to. No, there was no mystery. I mean, it was just nine days of your, I was by myself. Where I'm going with this is, if you wanted to know what she's got going on down there, couldn't you just ask her to sit on your face?

Sure, but at that time, You know what I'm saying, Ashley? You're acting as if I had the opportunity at that moment. I did not expect you to say those words to Josh today. You're acting as if I turned down the opportunity. No, no. This is not acting like you turned anything down. 10 days by myself, on day nine, I changed.

I was 10 days by myself also during COVID. I wasn't sniffing anybody's drawers. Why am I being judged for this? Because it's Friday. We don't give enough. And Ashley brought it up. I was so sorry. But you have, you have experienced.

I will not be panty sniff shamed on this morning show. How many times over the years up to 2020 when COVID came to town? How many times has that woman sat on your head? Probably countless times. So you needed to sniff her underwear to find out what, you know what? It wasn't like a, well, I wonder what's going on. I don't even want to go into what was happening there. Hmm, let me see what this is like.

You're looking at it all wrong, man, all wrong. Well, I'm trying to figure it out. Then why did you sniff her underwear? Oh, well, somebody said you were just checking to see if you could still smell because of COVID. Oh, yeah, yeah. That must have been it. That makes sense because that was the thing. I forgot that about COVID, which was created by the government.

It would kill your ability to taste and smell. So were you testing whether or not you were positive for COVID? No. Oh, you were. I knew I was positive for COVID. I was trying to give you an out. I know. I know you were, but I'm not going to lie about it.

She's trying to let you off the hook. I know she is. You're a truther. It was an embarrassing moment of gratification. Yeah. Nine days alone on that island. That was gratifying? Hey, I didn't F us volleyball like Tom Hanks did.

Wilson! It was just kind of, you know, I seemed, you know, a little more. But you understand where I'm going. Like if your wife's best friend suddenly moves into your home with you and your wife, you might be curious enough to sniff her drawers. But with your own wife, what was it you? were curious about? Nothing. I don't know. You're hung up on curious. There's not curious. Not curious whatsoever. Like, let's say somebody

looks at a naked lady online, right? They know what a naked lady looks like. It's not, oh, I wonder what a naked, it's just going back to. Especially if that naked lady is your wife. You're just using it for material? I'm trying to avoid that as much as possible. Cubby? I'll admit something to you. What's that? This whole time, I'm just trying to wear you down until you snap. All right. So again, plumbers, electricians, get after your carpenters today.

Because by God, what? I'm reading some of the texts. Yeah, is that what kid? It's getting you too? God, they're funny. Is there a chance you'd let us in on this? I like Wolfpack softball, Jesus. I like what he said.

He said, well, I was going to come see you guys at the fair. dot, dot, dot. Hey, bring panties. Weirdo. But now we got a dirty panty sniffer in our crowd. Hey, I told you, I never thought I'd be a panty sniffer. It was a moment of weakness. I thought the world was ending.

It was the beginning of COVID. Everybody said the world's ending. Was your wife's panties like my chair today? Did it kind of smell like douche? Who said that? Well, I was Ashley. Obviously, I recognized that voice as Ashley. Yeah.

I didn't bring this up. I know. I'm sorry. No, you didn't bring it up. You were asked. You answered a question. That was 10 minutes ago. Isn't that wonderful?

It saves you some time, doesn't it? Yeah. Do all carpenters, do they sniff panties and try on bras and whatnot when they're in our houses? You know, I actually don't know a true carpenter where that's their only gig. Speaking of the word true, people call them you a true sniffer. Yeah, okay. If it's one time, does that count? Yeah.

My dad's a carpenter, but I mean, I can. And a Panny Siffer. No, he would never. He's above that. No, I didn't mean it like that, Josh. I'm sorry. I'm like, no, my dad don't do stuff like that. Did you say above that?

I did not. As soon as it came out, I regret it immediately. Don't you have some weird stuff going on? Yeah, but. I don't kink shame you. Sorry. I got weird because it's my dad. No, he would never do something like that.

Oh. He doesn't, no. Me and my brothers, we just happened. That was a miracle. There was no sexual intercourse involved. I understand that. Yeah. I mean, you sniff your wife's panties one time.

What, six years ago? Wow, that's insane to think about it like that. All right, so here's this carpenter in England. I feel the need to reiterate everything that... This carpenter in England is working in somebody's house. And he took two, written around in the bra and panty drawer in a girl's bedroom. Oh, what a pervert.

Mm-hmm. He sniffed the panties. He even tried them all. Oh, God. He even tried him on for himself. When he was all done for the day, Neil is the name of this guy. He even took a pair of those panties home with him. He found a favorite.

He took him home. Now, the family who hired Neil to work in their house knows all of this because of their frigging home security cameras. They all sat together as a family and watched the video. They saw every damn thing that Neil had done in that bedroom with the pants. panties and whatnot. Would you guys ever get indoor home security cameras? Can I get through this story first? Because I feel like if we answer that question,

another 10 minutes is going to go by and have to reiterate everything all over it. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, thank you. I'm just stuck on the fact that Dana sniffed his wife's panties when in COVID lockdown. What a weirdo. And admitted it on the air. Sick, bro. No, no, you got that wrong.

Dana sniffed his own panties. What's extra strange about all this is at one point in the video, that the family watched their home security video. At one point, Neil saw the camera, but all he did was turn it the other way, supposedly, so he could continue dragging his nuts and ass in and out of little pairs of ladies' underwear. He saw the security cameras.

People don't care anymore. I guess not. Like porch pirates and stuff like that, they don't seem to care. Obviously, the family who hired Neil told the cops all about his little fashion show. When the police pounced on him, all he said was, quote,

I've done something stupid. He still had that favorite little pair of panties in his work van. Now, this is cute. This is why I wanted to call the attention of plumbers, electricians, other tradespeople, because this is cute. here you go for you specifically for you plumbers. Neil, the Panny Raid Champion Carpenter,

he put some of the blame on you plumbers. Isn't that interesting? He's sniffing panties like Josh. He's trying on panties like Dana, and he wants to put the blame on somebody else. He said, he didn't mean to steal that pair of panties. He said, it just so happened, a plumber showed up in the house right when he was trying them on,

so he didn't have time to take the panties off so he just wore them home. It was partially the plumber's fault. Right. I get it now. Something tells me this guy's going to struggle finding gigs for a while. It's funny. People have text in saying carpenters aren't a profession. Electricians aren't a profession.

Any profession you've brought up, they're saying that's not a profession. Oh, it's gone that for it. The trade war. They're disregarding those occupations altogether. Yep. I love the trade wars. Me too. So Ashley asked a question, what was it again? Yeah. Would you guys ever think of getting indoor cameras for your home?

It's never crossed my mind before. I thought about it. It would if there was an incident. Yes, then it would. But right now I don't have any thoughts on it. I do at like entry points facing the door. Oh, yeah, right on. So like if somebody comes in, you're going to get a, I mean, I have them on the outside and on the inside that way. That's smart.

I've always wanted them. I've always wanted them. I've been into a few times over the years. Oh, geez. I want them for, like, a not serious reason. I just want to, like, if something happens, that's funny in the living room. I want to be able to, like, go back and be like, ah, now we got it on tape. Yeah, we got the one for the dog in the living room.

Just check in on them. Oh, yeah, we know. We know, Dana. You've misused it. I have. You have misused it. Oh, yeah, I suppose I did have. I guess what I was picturing, actually, is, you know, strategic, almost like, law enforcement-level cameras up.

I guess I never thought of just the standard $5 camera. I had one of those for a while also to watch the dog when we weren't home. Yeah, I didn't think about that one. I think we used it twice and then that was the last I ever thought of it. More anxiety than here, Jesus said he's definitely considered getting indoor cameras for other people's homes. See what's going on in there. You're not alone. Okay, let's get through this one real quick and then we'll call it a day as far as

stupid news is concerned. I think what we're dealing with here is a full-on, four-alarm, dangerous maniac. It sounds fun on the surface. A dude who was making massive takeout orders and having the food delivered to somebody else's address. You know, that old trick. So some poor bastard in the neighborhood ends up face-to-face with the pizza delivery man. And he has to say, I didn't order 48 pizza pies. What the F is going on here, right? Do you guys ever do that? I know you were into prank phone calls. No. Never did that. I thought we thought that food delivery thing was SAWFT soft. Yeah, I just thought that's, there's a lot of people getting involved that don't need to be involved in it. Sure. You know, I don't know who has to. I just thought it was lame.

Yeah, me too. The money or the poor person that's got to deliver that and they don't get a tip or anything. Yeah. You want to F with someone throw a rock through their window. You don't order some pizzas. Exactly. Anyway. So this guy in Poland, how in God's name did we end up in Poland? But Anyway, this guy, not only was he ordering mass amounts of food and sending it off to random addresses, he also included, Josh, a few death threats and whatnot, just for laughs. Oh, cool. That's fun. They found out that this frigging whack bag is a 23-year-old kid.

Now he's looking at eight years in prison for his jag-off behavior. At one point, he ordered 300 pizzas and sent him off to a stranger. One other order that he made was worth 10. grand. That's so excessive. What the hell did he order? A pickup? I mean, things are expensive. Boy, I wish you could get a pickup for 10 grand. But like I was saying, this numskull is different. He also dumped in some personal messages to the folks who received the deliveries, death threats and whatnot. He said he was going to steal some of their children. He said he was going to burn a few houses down. What? We're kidnapping? He went after politicians and members of the

local Polish media. So he's one of those characters. He likes to go after the politics. The cops found the guy. I bet he beats off constantly. Probably. Yeah. So like his manifesto or something.

Oh, that was good. That was a good paragraph. Yeah, definitely to himself. When the cops caught him, he was beating off. I'm almost going to guarantee that. Oh, no. What happened? We had some sort of technical error,

and it seems like a certain chunk of our podcast has to be removed. Oh, what part? I don't even want to say. How embarrassing. This is too bad. I hate when that happens. We're going to take that right out of the podcast as if it never happened. Well, I'll just double check to make sure that. Nope, no need.

All good. And anybody that comes to the state fair tomorrow, we'll tell you all about what you missed and what we talked about. Nope, can't do that. Josh will take a deep breath and we'll be back in a couple of minutes here on the Half-Ass Morning Show. Sports. On the 93-Egs Half-Ast morning show. Text messages, Josh. A lot of text messages have been rolling in.

One listener texted in to say, Today I learned that Josh conducted a panty raid in his own home. I did, yeah. It's legal. Another listener texted in to say, hey, get off a cubby's ass. Some of us are different. We're not all boob guys or butt guys. Some of us are just here for the drawers.

Can I tell you my funny panty story to try to get you off the hook, Josh? Sure. Because he's a little embarrassed by this. A little more than a little, yeah. He admitted that he sniffed his own wife's panties like some kind of a psycho killer. Well, I was cornered. I didn't really admit it. I was put on the spot.

This was back in our St. Cloud State days. So many of us were going to jail and getting in fist fights, and it was totally out of control for a while that I actually was, I'm kind of proud of myself. I was a guy who stepped up and said, look, we're not going anywhere tonight. it was a Saturday night. I said, we're not going anywhere. We're all going to just have a small get-together. Too many of us are getting in trouble. So here's the deal. I went out and bought a barrel of beer. I said, it's on me. No one has to pay me anything. And when you're 19, 20, 21, that's a pretty big deal. At least I thought of it as a big deal. I bought the barrel of beer. It's on me. We're staying here.

And then someone else said, well, why don't we get some strippers? And I said, that's a great idea. more motivation just to stay at the house and everyone just. So we did. So we had a stripper come over, this, that. You know, she put on a hell of a show. I mean, it was like a two-hour show. Many costume changes. It was like we were at a friggin' share concert.

And she set up her dressing room in my brother's bedroom. So all night long, well, at least for two hours, she's in and out of my brother's bedroom. And she comes out as a cheerleader. And she does two songs. Then she goes back, she comes out as a nurse. And she does a great night. We had a great time. Yeah, it sounds like it.

She ups and leaves after a while. And we're drinking, carrying on. My brother goes into his bedroom and he says, oh, damn, she left a pair of her panties here. Now, there was one guy in our group who was a little younger. I don't think he was even much of a drinker. He had certainly never seen a live strip show before. He was kind of our little rookie in the mix.

And when he found out that there was a pair of this stripper's panties in my brother's bedroom. He went nuts. He picks him up like Josh. He's rubbing him on his face, right? He's like, yeah, I got her panties. He's wearing him on his head the rest of the night. Just like Josh, yes. Drinking beer. He's got the panties on. After a while, he sets him down after he's done, you know, doing his victory lap with this stripper's pair of Fong underwear. He kind of put him on the counter. My brother picked him up and gave him a little more of an inspection. My brother was kind of looking at him and he says, Oh, Christ, look at this. And there was a bacon stripe in the back.

Ooh, done. Did you get the double-barrel pink eye? I don't know. Oh, yeah, good question. They always say you can get pink eye from that, right? So the rookie kid was dancing around with those things on his head for an hour and a half, and it appeared she had maybe gambled and lost in those underwear. That's why she left them.

Dude, did he get pink eye? No. but to kind of celebrate, oh, the irony of it all, if that's the word, he ended up tacking those panties up in his dorm room on the wall. He kept them at it. Surprise possession. So at least, Josh, you didn't wear dirty, pooped-in underwear on your head for an hour and a half at a beer party in 1991.

No, no poop. Twins and white socks all weekend. I had to sort through a lot, as you can imagine, before I found one without poop. Of course. I got lucky. Brad Rider, Randy Shaver, will be here in a half hour. Josh, if he can collect himself, his news report will be coming up next. Three.

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Because I'm not a quitter. It's just you. It's yourself. There's everything else's team-oriented. The motivation, it was a sort of anguish. at myself for being weak. That ends up being the driving factor. That anger, that pride, that ego, I think it's a muscle. It gets stronger. When you take that voice seriously, you start to change your life. Mike drop. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. They want to glorify the fact

that they're criminals. It's dumb. These guys are dumb. They deserve to be tossed under the jail just for being dumb. The 93x half as morning. You win in and cause utter chaos. You cause You cause bloodshed. I'm sure you cause an immeasurable amount of psychological damage. A 21-year-old man took a customer hostage inside a grocery store, mens room, demanded multiple hypnotists, then got chased through the store by his hostage who fought back with a belt. Hypnotists? A lot to process here.

Here we f-and-go. Anthony Lehman called 911 shortly before 6 p.m. July 30th and reported he'd taken a hostage in the men's room, and he wanted to speak to a negotiator. The dispatcher heard Lehman yelling at his 59-year-old victim to put his feet flat on the ground or he'd get seriously hurt, which was pretty lame, man. This poor guy. Lehman continued threatening the victim and said things would go south, real effing fast,

if officers entered that mend's room. He also told the dispatcher he had a dead man switch and demanded to speak to multiple hypnotists. Yeah, that's where I get lost. You know, everything was kind of... normal as far as a hostage situation goes and that got weird. Or you want a couple of magicians too? A couple of circus monkeys.

What else do you want? This is when they call in the psych guy. They're like, ah, yeah, no, we don't need the hostage negotiator. We just need the therapist, please. You got to get his mom on the phone and the therapist, you're right. Maybe that trank dart guy? Oh. Police said hypnosis and refused to honor the bizarre demand.

He never specified what the dead man switch was for or why he needed to hypnotist or why apparently only one wouldn't cut it. The hostage told authorities Laman eventually pulled out a bottle of glue and said, glue your hands to the floor. Oh, God. He refused. So Laman held him at knife point. Shortly after, the hostage sensed an opportunity to escape and attack Laman with his belt. Police said Laman fled the men's room with the victim chasing him through the store and warning other customers he was armed. Officers arrived and said Laman raised a knife above his head. as if to attack the hostage, which caused them to shoot at him multiple times,

hitting him in the abdomen. Abdomen. If you're not familiar with where the abdomen is, it's just north of the junk. Unfortunately, one of the shots also hit the victim in the thumb, shooting that darn thing off. In the hospital, investigators asked Lehman why he did it. He allegedly told them he did it for leverage, but didn't describe any other details.

What's he doing? There's really no reason to ask this guy any questions. He's just completely cooked. Leverage. There's going to be no reason. reasonable answer from this guy. Why did I do it, you ask? Leverage. Well, guess what? Leverage. And he came out of it with a thumb off. Yeah, the victim did. The cops accidentally shot his thumb right off. Oh, that guy had a thumb off.

Come on, man. Yeah, the weird dude took a couple in the gut, survived, and the hostage, just minding his own business, he gets his thumb shot off. Layman was taken to the hospital with critical injuries where he asked police and staff, Hey, did I make the news? That was his biggest concern, not the hostage and not his health. He wanted to know how much coverage he was getting in local media. Sure. They say celebrity deaths come in threes, and apparently this week the Grim Reaper decided he had a thing for our beloved 80-year-olds.

Following the departure of legends like Dolly Parton and Tim Curry, the universe has now rolled out the final credits for another Titan of our childhoods, voice actor Peter Cullen, who breathed thunderous thunderously. life into Optimus Prime in the Transformers franchise. Sadly, he passed away to his Los Angeles home at the age of 85. As they say in Transformers, his spark has extinguished. My name is Optimus Prime. We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet's cybertron.

But you can call us Autobots for short. Dude, I absolutely love that audio. That just gives me chills. I love the Transformers. Me too. They got a big enough casket to bury this guy's balls. I know. A total stud.

If you grew up at the original Transformers in the 80s, you know that immortal voice. He started playing Optimus Prime in the original animated series, bringing that deep commanding presence to the Autobot leader who could turn from a giant robot into a semi-truck. Boy, did I love Optimus Prime. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Cullen said, I sound like the Kool-Aid man. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. You were a big, big fan of Optimus Prime. I loved most of them. Humbleby. Bumble B, even the bad guys. You've betrayed me for the last time, Star Scream or something like,

failed me, I can't remember. So the Transformer fan can help. It's dramatic. Cullen said he created the iconic, what was the one, what was the one that was a tape player? Oh, fiddlesticks. Fiddlesticks, that's it.

Sorry. I have no idea. That was cool. Cullen said he created the iconic voice of Optimus Prime by imitating his older brother Larry, a decorated U.S. Marine. In 1984, when preparing to audition for a new cartoon character described as a heroic truck,

his older brother gave him advice which completely changed his approach. Larry told him not to play a loud, screaming, stereotypical Hollywood hero. Instead, Larry advised him that a real leader should be strong enough to be gentle, and the rest is history. Soundwave is who you were thinking of. Sound wave. I knew it was cool. They are awesome. Was this guy strictly a voice? actor or did he do, you know, a traditional acting? As far as I know, all the credits I saw were

voice acting. And he probably made a hell of a living. Yeah. I hope so. I mean, iconic. Cullen would revisit the role many times over the decades that followed, including in Michael Bay's Transformer films, which began in 2007. Rest in peace, Optimus, an official cause of death has not been released. There's some seriously weird, dangerous, and occasionally downright deadly new movies hitting theaters and streaming this weekend. First up, we go down the rabbit hole with Coyote versus Acme. The live action animation hybrid follows Wiley Coyote as he sues the Acme Corporation for

defective products. There's a lot of them that failed during his attempts to catch the roadrunner. Oh, funny. They owe him some cash. Will Forte stars his Coyote's attorney. Anvil take on John Sina, who plays opposing counsel. The part live action, part animated comedy was actually filmed in 2022 and completed back in 2023, but in a bizarre move helmed by the new head of WB, the finished film was shelved in November of 2023, never to be released for the purposes

of a tax loss write-off. WB eventually, however, agreed to shop the film around to other distributors, and now the movie finally came out. None of that makes sense to me, but I love these style of movies. They're like half animated, half live action. Is that what they're called? Yeah. Yeah, I enjoy that too. I love it because it's perfect for parents and kids to watch together.

And I love that it's finally seen the light of day because it's a funny premise, and the reviews have been fantastic, and it just would have been a shame if it just got shelved just so some bean counters at WB could make some money off tax write-offs. It's weird to think that they could make more money not putting a movie. They already filmed out. filmed, edited, made trailers, made posters, everything. And then he said, ah, no, we'll make more money if we just cancel it. Never in a million years, Josh, and I think that Wiley Coyote of all characters,

after all these years, would get his own feature film. Pretty funny, though. What a funny premise. It is hilarious. It's genius. You know, and I should have thought of that before. He is owed some compensation. He is.

He was one of their biggest clients. Yeah. No. Keanu Reeves is leading a poll on the celebrity with the most aura, meaning their, effortless presence, charisma, and coolness. Yeah, that definitely makes sense for him. He's followed by Jesus, and then one of the stars of Coyote v. Acme, John Sina. I mean, Jesus was beat out by Keanu Reef.

That's a tough one to be. You'd think he'd be number one, but apparently Keanu has more aura than even Jesus. There's definitely something about him. I don't know what it is. It's not just the fact that he, you know, avenges, hurt animals, but something about him. He's often referred to as the nicest guy in Hollywood. The Stoner Comedy Idiots stars Dave Franco and O'Shea Jackson Jr.

as two incompetent chaperones hired to transport a troubled wealthy team to rehab. Is there anybody better than Dave Franco are playing a douchebag? He's so good. What'd you say this was called again? Idiots. Idiots. Dave Frank, he cracks me up. And recently he was interviewed for the movie,

and they were kind of asking about the stereotype of him being a douchebag. And he said people often think he is a douchebag because of how many douchebags he gets cast to play. I think he's perfect. Oh, he's brilliant. It's gorgeous, too. That helps. He's not bad on the eyes.

So is his wife. Really? Is she somebody? Oh, who is he married to? Oh, God, why am I blame her name? She's in community and a bunch of other movies. Allison Brie? There you go.

Allison Brie. Yes, she is fantastic. She's gorgeous. One of the top manliest Josh's, Josh Brolin, stars in a post-apocalyptic world where a virus has wiped out humanity in the dog stars. If you'd rather escape into something strange than escape from the apocalypse, there's Buddy where a brave girl and her friends find themselves trapped inside a kid's television show and have to figure out how to get out. The cast includes Keegan Michael Key, Pat and Oswald, and Tofer Grace. Creepy. I used to want that when I was a kid

Like go inside the television Yeah I'd say that's the wrong show Yeah I must have watched like some movie or something Where that was the premise But I remember wanting that so bad Like wanting to be in Rugrats And being Angelica

I thought I could be a better Angelica I was a weird kid I was a weird kid Beaver or something like that I pictured myself living up in the attic With Marsha Brady I'll bet Just Play Dead

Takes the idea of a bad marriage to its logical murderous conclusion. Samuel L. Jackson stars as a criminal who plans to fake his own death to collect insurance money while framing his wife's lover. The problem is his wife is already planning to kill him for real and take the money herself. Love that guy. Me too. That's a pretty interesting premise.

And finally, we're turning down the volume for something a little creepier. The Whisper Man on Netflix with a stacked cast, including Robert De Niro, Michelle Monaghan and Adam Scott, a writer turns to his retired police detective father for help after his son is kidnapped by a serial killer known as the Whisper Man that he supposedly put away. It's weird. The older I get, the more I can't handle scary movies.

Like, I just don't want to be scared in my bed at night. I'm looking for that. I'll forward to this one, by the way. The Whisper Man on Netflix. It is Friday, which means there's a brand new batch of rock and roll to enjoy. here are this week's notable new releases from 93X.com beginning with Beartooth's newest album, or I should say anthem,

free from their new album, Pure Ecstasy. Everlast returns with some gritty storytelling on the track Stones, taken from the new album, Embers to Ashes. Jesus. Bet that guy goes through a lot of cough drops. Yeah, that sounds like it would kind of hurt after a while. If you prefer, by the way, that's how my brother talks on the phone.

Hello? Yeah, how's it going? Only on the phone? His voice goes down a couple octaves when he hits his phone. Manly. Why does he want to... What character does he morph into then? I don't know.

I don't know what's going on there. Kind of tucks his gin down a little bit. Talks like this. If you prefer bands named after prehistoric ice age elephant-like mammals, Mastodon has teamed up with a Josh who actually provides some value to his profession. The Queens of the Stone Age, Josh, joins Mastodon for a new song called Snakes for Dinner, featured on today's release. That's just ridiculous.

Snakes for dinner? Yeah. I might try snake. You guys? No, I'm good. You wouldn't? I mean, no. Burger King still open?

Yeah, I mean, what if Burger King came out with a, like a whopper with snake? No. Not going to try it? I will not. The album is called Mero Deep. Mero deep? Would you eat like snakeoronian cheese or any type of? Not trying any kind of snake, Josh.

Yeah, we're good. If you involve Kraft mac and cheese, you're getting somewhere now. But if there's gravy on it, I'll even. almost anything with gravy on it. Give me some. Oh, is that right? Yeah. What about Wingstop Ranch? I'll probably eat it with that. People love that. It's so good, dude. Anything? Anything. Anything at all with gravy on it. Anything. Anything. Your wife might ask you to prove that something.

I'm game. In this moment offers an official invitation for fans to join the Coven with Witch. I'm a true reader casting a little black magic as the title track from the band's ninth album. the sister trio The Warning gives fans a new tradition worth repeating with ritual their standout track from everything's falling. To keep up with what's...

That's really a band with three sisters in it? Yeah. No kidding. I like that band. Yeah, I know. There's actually, we get a text every once in a while from a gentleman who yells at us for not playing enough, The Warning. Okay. Yeah. He gets very angry about it. I have nothing to do with it. We'll play more as much as you want. Sorry. To keep up with what's new in rock,

make sure to swing by 93x.com every Friday to catch the full notable new releases breakdown and our official playlist on Spotify. There's a lot more up on this week's release page. I don't know if I've ever heard of a band ever with three sisters in the band. Yeah, there's certainly a couple. What about how many sisters were in the Mandrell sisters? Oh, Christ, there you go. Yeah, Barbara.

Has there been a ton of bands with three brothers in it? Nelson. Hanson. No, no, Nelson to Hanson is. Yeah, I bet there's been plenty of bands with brothers. Yeah, that's more common. I guess I didn't think about the singing groups of the 60s and 70s. The Mandrells, Barbara Louise, God help us.

Boy, they were absolutely stunning. I got to look that up. Who the hell were they all three? I remember Barbara, but the others are a little foggy. All three are knockouts, too. Who were we talking about? How many sisters were in Twisted Sister? First off, who were you referencing that they're all gorgeous?

The Warning. Oh, oh, okay. I thought we were still talking about the mandrelts. Twisted sister. There were no sisters in the band. Get out of it. Why'd they call? Not a one.

That doesn't even... The biggest music news of the day, Weird Al, is taking over the grandstand tonight at the Minnesota State Fair. Then tomorrow, we sure would love to meet you or see you again if you want to come say hi. The morning show will be hanging out at the 93X booth on Chambers Street, sandwiched between Andy's Grill and the Mighty Midway. One till three tomorrow. If you can't make it out tomorrow, we'll also. be there next Friday after the show sometime around 10 a.m. Watch Dana hide a stick up his butt.

Yeah, absolutely. He promised, huh? Did you look it up? How many, the sister names? Who's putting a stick up, whose butt? Dana, he's promised. And also Dana, I thought this was really nice. He's promised to put a stick up his butt.

Yeah. Take it right out of Prano Pop, right up, Dana. He said that he's willing to buy the first 1,000 people whatever they want at the 93x booth. Absolutely. That's so nice of you. I know. Very generous off. Josh, the Mandrell sisters, Barbara.

That's the only one I'd be able to. I was right about when I said Louise, the one I couldn't remember. They must have been from the South because the third sister's name was Erlein. Erlene. I-R-L-E-N-E. They were big television stars in the 70s and 80s. Yeah, Barbara Mandel, certainly I remember her. What about like, well, maybe we're running out of time.

I'll ask you off air some other sister groups. That's 93X News. I'd like to talk more about it. You should see the list of guest stars that appeared on the Mandrell show back in the day. I mean, Johnny Cash and Ray Charles and Glenn Campbell and Dolly Parton and Alabama. Jeez. They had a hell of a program. Sean Ah, nah, at one point or another, was a guest on the Mandrell show.

Bob Hope, you had to be there. The Oak Ridge Boys, Donny Osmond. What time is it? 7.30. Randy Shaver time. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show Hey yeah, yeah, yeah, you heard the band.

Randy Shaver, Brad Ryder. What's going on, boys? Good morning. Hey, good morning. Thanks for joining us. It is Walker Jenkins Day. Is that what you're proclaiming? Oh, my gosh. I'm so excited for this guy. Twins White Sox all weekend. It's getting close to now or never, boys.

Yep. It's time to get off the pot for the twins. Yes, the twins are calling up top prospect Walker Jenkins. Jenkins. Yep. You know what? Even if the twins don't even make a push, just to watch Jenkins in the month of September with Cole Pepper in the same lineup. This is the future, man. All right. So this will be my first look at the young kid. It's exciting because he's been tearing it up in St. Paul the last 30 days. He's just been on fire. He's one of the top prospects in baseball. There's an opening in center. He doesn't turn 22 until February. This is the kid that I think it's going to be exciting to see him play. I went to the Saints game on Wednesday night. In fact, my daughter interns for the Saints this year,

so I've been to a few Saints games this year. Went to the game Wednesday night, and I was kind of watching him warm up, you know, stretch and throw and stuff like that. He was watching you too. No, no. But I said to my daughter on Wednesday, I said this will be his life. last game here. And she's like, what do you mean? And I said, well, because Buxton got hurt. I said, he's going up. I'm like, he's going up

after tonight. This will be his last game here. And just the way he carries himself around, I was just watching how, you know, again, how he warmed up, how he interacted with his other teammates, with the staff and things like that. He's just kind of got leader written all over him. I mean, I'm not trying to overhype the kid too much, too quick, but he's just kind of got that it factor, I think, a little bit. So it'll be fun to watch him, I understand. Sure, there are some guys, gals, athletes, you can just look at them and say, okay, this character is going to be a somebody. And you guys see that in Walker Jenkins. Yeah, and Wednesday night when I watched him, he went opposite field home run, line drive up the middle for a base hit and a double in the gap.

I mean, yeah, he's ready. All right, well, tonight or at some point this weekend, we'll get a look at the Twins' Top Prospect. there's a number in baseball nick uh it's it's ops in baseball it's on base plus slugging right that's that's there's a there's a there's a bunch of saber sabre numbers but that's one of them his ops in the last 30 days is over a thousand if it's 800 or higher that's a good baseball player over a thousand that's uh extraordinary that's superstar production so not that's that he's going to pull that off when he gets to the major leagues, but it sure is promising to see something like that. Well, cool. I mean, I do think it's really cool to get a look at a kid

who's got, you know, superstar written all over them. So you can kind of, kind of feels cool to be there on the ground floor. I hope everything works out wonderfully for Walker Jenkins. I hope everything works out wonderfully for the twins this weekend. It ain't over, but like I said, it's time to or get off the pot. Well, they play the White Sox. They play the T-Sox. They play the T-Walks. They play the Tigers, they get three against Cleveland. They've got chances to make some moves in the division. If it's not the wild card, they're six back. I know that.

It's a lot. But they control their destiny by playing these teams right now too. You have to start sweeping some series too. That's correct. They can't just win a couple of games here and a couple there. They've got to go on a little roll. It's almost like you can't even just win a series. You have to almost sweep two or three of them.

All this talk about an up-and-coming star player brings me back to a cool moment when we were fresh out of high school. A buddy of mine ended up playing for the Golden Gopher Hockey Team, and he invited my brother and I and our other brother, Big Al, this friend of ours who played for the Golden Gopher Hockey Team, he invited my brother and I and Big Al to come to an event that I don't know, maybe they still host every year with the Golden Gopher Hockey Club, who's simply called Skate with the Gophers, and you show up and all the players around the game. the ice and you get to skate around with them for an hour or so. And we said, sure, that sounds like a good time. And we brought our little cousin with us. Me and my brother had a little cousin at the time who was, I don't know, nine or ten years old. So it was the three of us, Jabronies, and our little nine-year-old cousin went to this skate with the Golden Gophers event. And all the players are out on the ice and we strapped our skates on. We went out there too. And our little cousin walked up to our buddy and said, can I have your autograph? And my buddy said, look, kid,

you don't want my autograph. Go get that guy's autograph. And he pointed over at Trent Clatt. Yeah. I thought it was a cool, cool little gesture on my pal's party. He said, don't bother with me. Go get Trent Clatt's autograph. That's the dude who's going to be a somebody someday. And he was right. Not that it was a secret to anybody at that point. Everyone kind of knew Trent Clatt was going to be an NHL caliber. But my pal said, no, go over there. He was also an outstanding catcher in baseball. Was he? Yes, he was.

Big body behind the plate. Yep. I bet it took a lot for a baseball to get beyond Trent Klat. Yeah. All right, it's a special day today. We thank you, boys, for joining us. I mean, it's day two of the state fair. I know that doesn't really do much for Randy Shaver,

but it is Weird Al Yankovic Day at the State Fair. Yeah, I heard that. Are you going? No, I didn't. I f'd around, and it was too late. I've got no tickets tonight to get into the grandstand to see Weird Al Yankovie. I screwed up.

But for those of you who are headed out, have fun. I said before, if you're brand new to the Weird Al show, he's going to part your hair for you. He put on an unbelievable show. And what a great place to watch a show, too, the State Fair Grandstand. How far that joint has come in the last 20 years? It's unbelievable. Yeah, I agree.

Beautiful place. Especially in a beautiful night. Great place to watch a show, especially if you're old enough to remember what the State Fair Grandstand, to look like. I mean, it was kind of a broken down joint towards the end. It used to be a racetrack. And that was the thing, was

if you're young and you don't remember, yes, the racetrack was there for years, and I do miss the racetrack. We used to go hit that race Labor Day, or was it the day before? I think it was Labor Day. Labor Day. Labor Day. What some folks don't remember is that in the old days,

there was the grandstand, and then there was the racetrack, and then there was the stage. So if you went to see a show at the grandstand, the band was a large distance away from the, because of the racetrack. They didn't put the stage on the track. They put the stage kind of in midfield. In the infield. In the infield. So there were a couple of bands that I saw live back in the day who assumed that fans will be standing on the track and standing on the infield, right, with their beer and hand. But the band would come out and there's no live human beings for,

were 75 yards or whatever it was. They were thrown by that. What the hell is everyone doing so far away? That's how it used to be set up. Now, it's beautiful. Saw David Lee Roth there, Josh. That's awesome. Saw Journey back in the day. What tour with David Lee Roth?

Oh, maybe it was, what was that album he made about your filthy, rotten, stinking, dirty mouth? He made an album called Your Dirty Rotten Stinking Filthy, Dirty, Sexy Mouth or something. It was mid-90s, something like that. It wasn't skyscraper or eat them and smile or anything. It was in the 90s. But yeah, it was a weird setup. Even if you had front row in the grandstand,

you were a long ways away from the stage, long ways away. Your filthy little mouth. Your filthy little mouth. Around 94-ish. The lead single was something about a train. Freight train, big train, let's run a train on your mother. I had a feeling. No.

What was it called? Something train. Go. Big train. It was about... Can you not find that in for me? Yeah, I'm looking. Great place to watch the show tonight.

Weird Al Yankovic. I pulled up Weird Al-Tickage. See if there are any left. There's literally one ticket available. One. Just one. Oh, there you go next. I'll race you to the telephone, Josh, to order up that ticket.

One seat available. You can't bring any friends. Big train. Big train. Wasn't that Carl Willis? Yeah, the big train. Carl Willis. Former twins.

leave pitcher Carl Willis was nicknamed the big. All right. Here's a question for everybody and all the y'all. We were heartbroken yesterday, day before when we told you that the National Football League has decided to put a lid on their silly little pro bowl games gimmick. It's over. It's finally over, mercifully. But here's the question. with the NFL Pro Bowl gone,

will that open the floodgates to gas all of the All-Star games, like, say, in the National Hockey League, Major League Baseball, and or the National Basketball Association? Baseball will never go anywhere, I think. No. People could do it without the NBA and NHL, I think. Yes, I would say the NBA may be the next in line, just because they play zero defense.

It just absolutely sucks. There's nothing enjoyable about watching the National Basketball Association All-Star game. Part of why they may not, though, is because of the money involved with that weekend. They'll make a lot of money off of it through TV. And I don't think the NFL did anymore. I don't think they were, that was part of their big TV pack. I mean, it was. It was on TV, but they weren't making a lot of money off.

The difference is the NFL plays theirs at the end of the season, when the season is over. And, you know, when you have the All-Star game in the middle of the season, and you're still interested in what's going on, you know, what teams are doing. The NBA also does the three-point shooting contest and the dunk contests and all those other things, which the NFL tried to duplicate with their stuff, but it just doesn't work. The only All-Star game, well, I should say this, the only element of the NBA All-Star event that I still enjoy, I do still enjoy watching the three-point shooting contest. That is fun.

of it, absolute garbage. Josh is over here dancing around the studio. Dickhead just bought that last weird Al Yankovic ticket. Oh, yeah. I couldn't get my credit card info and fast enough. You beat me to it. I'll put a little markup on it. You're going to flip it to me? That's right. Are you ready to eat it, Josh, tonight? Have some more chicken, have some more pie. It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried. Just eat it. eBay would be the one I look forward to the most. Tears in your eyes. Okay, stairs, there's more conversation here on the subject of whether or not any other All-Star game will put a lid on it following what the NFL did with their useless Pro Bowl. They do a case-by-case kind of a conversation here.

Now, Major League Baseball, as we all have agreed, I think, already. That's surely the safest of all the Major League All-Star games. It has the most history and tradition. Yes. Does that Does it mean everything that it once did? No. And they mentioned that interleague play

and the designated hitter being eligible in both leagues has kind of killed some of the draw, you know. As we've said a million times on this show, when I was a kid, the biggest, the most meaningful part of the All-Star game was getting a chance to see guys play that I didn't normally see. The National League players,

I saw them on the game. this week in baseball and I saw them during the All-Star game. That was it until the World Series, of course. I agree. So baseball will likely keep it going. Plus they have the home run hitting contest. And that's still a decent amount of fun. There's still a lot to them.

In 1980, 36 million people watched the Major League Baseball All-Star game. Wow. That's incredible. A huge number. Last year, $8.79 million. So will it ever match what it did back in the day when there were two separate leagues playing completely opposite of each other? No. But it'll likely stick around.

Now, the NBA All-Star game, I didn't pay any attention to it last year. Zero. But as much as it sounds like we're all ready to walk away from it, this article at least leads us to believe that last year may have saved the event. Now, I don't know if anyone has any memories of it. I watched nothing. But they went to an America... Yes. Yes.

They went to an America versus the rest of the world type gimmick, and they said it was shocking, but they said there were players who actually tried. So they say, they think the NBA will keep going with this America versus everybody else gimmick. They think at least it'll keep going for another season. But that's certainly the one on the shaky. ground. There's one Major League All-Star game

that has found something better to replace it. We all saw it last winter. That was the National Hockey League. That four nations face-off was a massive hit. So where they go with

that here, discussing the NHL, is that they will likely now toggle back and forth from a traditional All-Star game, like say this upcoming hockey season, and then the following season, they'll go back to the Four Nations thing again. So they think that the NHL has saved themselves

with the Four Nations? Because I think we can all agree, who gave two pumps about the NHL All-Star game in the last 25 years? Oh, I hope the Western Conference wins this year. I mean, it sucked. Josh and I will say this until the day that we die. We went to the All-Star game

when it was here in town, and it absolutely sucked. There wasn't one player out there who broke a sweat. It was kind of like slow motion almost. It was stupid. It was disappointing. We were so excited to go, too. Yeah, we were.

I got good and drunk. Remember, I was giving Wougar a lot of hell? I do. I thought you didn't even want to talk about that anymore. I feel bad because the man is gone, but I was real drunk and I went after the Wougar. You don't do that. He did deserve that.

Nothing, and he kind of had that look on his face, too. Like, what did I do? I'm like, what happened in 80? You guys lost to Harvard in 89? What the hell happened out there? He was just trying to walk and get a snack or something like that. Yeah, you went after him. Don't start talking about the wuger.

I got so many stories. Too late. We already started talking about the wugger. You do this all the time. I've got some stories, and then you don't say Dick Tracy. I think I've sold a couple of these before. I think I've sold a couple of these before. Well, okay, so we're playing in Wisconsin.

This was probably early to mid-90s. and part of my deal is I had to get the, you know, stats from between periods and run them down to the coaches and stuff. So I went in the locker room with the first period stats, and I couldn't find Wougard. So I asked, I think it was Mike Gensel, one of the assistant coaches. I said, where's Wougar? It's like, always out back by the TV truck. So I went back, I took the back door outside, standing by the TV truck outside, you know, kind of behind the arena, and nobody's there because it's a private area.

Wugar and Jeff Sauer, who was the coach of Wisconsin at the time, they're both standing out. there smoking heaters talking to each other between periods. There's no other way to do it, Brad Reiter. That doesn't happen anymore. You got to burn one. Well, hell no. No, no. The two coaches of the teams between periods are standing out there having a heater

talking to each other. All these coaches now are just fitness freaks. They want to live forever, you know. Back in the day, sure, burned one. So, in closing, this subject of All-Star Games, which ones will survive? They say, again, The Four Nations face-off international hockey tournament, which blew the doors off the joint last year. They think the NHL will, the NHL All-Star game, the traditional style, will become an every other year endeavor, they call it here.

And then in between years will be the international hockey type feature, the Four Nations. Yeah, I'm glad they're not doing the Four Nations every year. I think that would kind of kill the excitement a little bit. Yeah. They mentioned the WNBA is doing great with their All-Star game. terrific yeah I got drunk one after Doug Woug give me a break I feel bad about it

yeah I'm surprised you brought it up even some of you probably remember the shot heard round the world in the 89 title game against Harvard all right fine I'll tell you because you guys have no idea what I'm talking I do you don't know anything about the shot hurt tell us then Brad Rider what was the shot heard around the story you tell it better by first Randy Scarta hit the friggin pipe. I was in tears.

He hit the freaking pipe. Randy Scarta. Harvard comes to St. Paul and beats the University of Minnesota in the frigging championship game. That hurt me so badly. Randy Scarta. And I read a story a few years ago about Randy Scarta who says, Jesus Christ, it was 1989. I still go out on the golf course and people say,

didn't you hit the pipe against Harvard? Yes, I did. Sorry. All right. Another Wisconsin story, quick. This one's quicker. So the year that he got busted for the $500 in a hat, remember that? What now? Where Woug, Doug Wook, got gotten a little bit of trouble for leaving money in a hat for a player. I don't know if Randy remembers that or not. Go ahead. I don't.

Okay, so he got in a little bit of trouble at the NCA because he left some cash in a hat for a player or whatever. Today, that's no common. Everybody does it. And it's allowed. So we go to Wisconsin, And there's a fan about four rows behind the gopher bench during warmups, holding up a sign saying, hey, Doug, can I get a loan? The sign game can be fun. Yeah, he looks at me and he goes, I can't even turn around. That's funny. He goes, that's pretty good.

Oh, man. Yeah. Josh, when we were young, every time we'd go to Wisconsin, Josh, he always had those kind of funny-looking balloons in his wallet. never needed one never had an opportunity a lot of rankings and rundowns and that have fallen into the mix this morning I don't mind this bit when ESPN ranks

all of the NFL ball clubs on what they call watchability I don't know why I decided to say that like I was Kenan Thompson but I did because you love the guy I do love Kenan Thompson ESPN ranks all the NFL ball clubs on watchability headed into this year next miserable, pointless and predetermined NFL season.

There are four key things that they look for in a highly watchable team. And they are as follows. Big plays, competitive games, star players, and finally, teams, they've eliminated teams more or less with dreadful offenses or horrible defenses. So if you're a team that can make some big plays, you play in competitive games, you've got some star players, and your offensive defense are fun to watch. You qualify. You are defined as watchable. I'd be surprised if either one of you is Brad Wright or Randy Shaver.

Dana, I can include you. Josh has probably seen the article because he's that type of a nerd, and he sees every frigging thing that we, he knows everything ahead of time. Nerd? Well, you know what I do. I mean that as a compliment. You know, we covered this a few weeks ago. You know everything I'm going to read before I even read it. Well, yeah, we got a plan.

Okay. I'd be surprised if any of you could tell me who ESPN picked as the most watchable club going into this football season. Go ahead. The most watchable club. Yes, I think I've said it five or six times now. At least. That wasn't your fault, Randy. He's last year.

I'm running a little hot. That wasn't your fault. Yes, watchable. Dana, Brad, you guys can jump in ahead of Randy's. I'm just going to guess because of the Fernando Mendoza angle the Raiders. No, that's a dumbest answer. No, no. I don't know.

I'm just thinking of something obscure because that's probably the answer. I'm going to say either Denver or the Rams. Okay. Danel. My first guess was the Rams, but since you said that, We wouldn't be able to guess it. Now I'm kind of second guessing myself. That it's getting something obscure that I'll be like, wait, what?

Name a team for Christ's sake. Packers. Packers, okay. You're not going to rip him? Who? Dana. For saying the Packers? You were so mean to Brad.

I just thought you should start. That's all right. I can take it. Yes, Josh. Thank you for reminding me. I'm up with an insult. What the hell's the matter with you? The Packers.

You, Jesus. loving bastard How about the bears? The correct answer is the Chicago Bears. Called them the most watchable. We thought they were. And we got them on the hook.

Oh, boy. If you want to crown them, then crown their ass. Oh, boy. Yes, the Chicago Bears were picked by ESPN as the most watchable team going into the season. The top 10 is this here.

Do you look at the most watchable team as the most interesting team to watch? Is that what they're trying to get at. Well, I gave you the list of parameters. Big plays, competitive games, star players, and they've got a good offense and a good defense. Yeah, I'll say this about the Bears.

They're going to play a much more difficult schedule this year than they did last year. So as good as they are, they're going to have to be even better because the schedule they play is going to be tough. All right. Here's the top 10. Number 10, my guy, Sean Payton, and the Denver Broncos. nine, the Minnesota Vikings. And here's how they elaborate on that.

They say quarterback Kyler Murrah is so cool to watch when he's good. He is. I love watching him run, I've mentioned that. He looks just like Pistol Pete from across the street when he runs. The author of this article from ESPN, he says, I feel like a lot of us have forgotten how cool Kyler Murrah is to watch when he is good. The Vikings are sneaky fun. They say.

And they mentioned that wide receiver whose name always escapes me. Justin Jefferson. They mentioned Brian Flores' defense is always watchable. A lot of blitzes and this and that. Okay. So the Vikings made the top 10th. 8, Seattle, 7, Cincinnati, 6, Dallas, 5, New England, 4, the Los Angeles Chargers, 3, Detroitlet. Randy Shaver, number 2 is the Los Angeles Rams.

Okay. Other notables? What's this say here? Green Bay Packers, Dana's guess. 18 on the list. Dead last? The Cleveland Brown. Sure.

Yeah. Burp, burp. Why is Dallas in the top five? Because Dallas is America's team, Randy Schaever. Or your name is Bradrider. Dallas Cowboys, America's team. Tom Landry, Roger Staubach, Tony Dorset, Tony Hill, Robert Newhouse, Dionne Sanders.

Charles Haley. I get why they put the Browns at the bottom there, but don't you think there's kind of something to watch, like train wreck value? You kind of want to see things. I'm down with that, Cubby. You know I'm down with that. What's my favorite kind of football?

Bad football. How about this? Former Vikings offensive lineman Bryant McKinney is looking to work in the NFL front office. Do you think the NFL brings up the bangboat during his job interview? Oh, they got you. After the interview, at least.

He didn't really strike me as a front office type of a guy back then, but, you know, that was a long time ago. He says he wants to help somebody draft players. He says he can handle that gig. Well, this is, I don't know if anyone would find this interesting. We're always kind of oversensitive around here when anyone turns their back on us. We've got a, what's that call, Josh?

We've got a, not a stigma. Is it a stigma? Yeah. Yeah, it's a stigma. We've got a stigma here. We want to be noticed so desperately. We don't like to be disrespected by who we assume to be big money, big-time people. So I wonder if Vikings fans will have a problem with this.

Brian McKinney was asked if he would call the Minnesota Vikings to possibly land a job in their front office drafting players. And apparently he laughed and said, well, I don't know if I want to live back in Minnesota ever again. Yeah. It was weather-related, I thought. It was kind of my impression. Weather-related?

Yeah, he just didn't want to deal with winter. He's a meteorologist now? Funny, sad, because we were just talking about this guy a couple weeks ago. Bob Lee has died. Back-up quarterback for the Vikings back in the 60s and 70s. Bob Lee died, 81 years old. Yeah. Bob Lee is the reason why I was a Vikings fan first and an Atlanta Falcons fan.

growing up. Played for both. The general. Bob Lee was part of the reason why when I was a kid, I suddenly thought that the number 19

was the coolest uniform number that a player could wear. He looked... You didn't think that when Johnny you wore it? I loved John Unitas, but John Unitas wasn't a Viking when I was a kid.

Yeah, true. I was gung-ho, 1,000-% Viking hard-on moron. Sure. So Bob Lee, wearing that number 19 was what sold me on that jersey number. I thought he looked so cool wearing the number. I mean, dude had a long career in the NFL.

Had his moments as a starter here with the Vikings. You know, when Fran was injured back in 77, Bob Lee started the NFC championship game for the Vikings. He was also a punter, which never happens anymore. No. So our condolences to his family and friends. All right. I mentioned there's a lot of rundowns, kind of rankings today. When does college football finally get going for Christ's sake?

I think. There's some games this weekend, I think. Yeah, I think there's a sprinkling this weekend. Just let me look here. I don't, I think it, yeah, there is actually. Yeah. There's like eight games this weekend. Yeah, including Bill Belichick opening the season tomorrow morning.

God. Well, it better be in the morning. At DCU. Oh, my God. In Ireland. In Ireland. Gross. Oh, my God.

Poor Ireland. They got to put up with that. Bradrider, you're off the hook for guessing Los Angeles of Raiders or whatever you said as the number. That's the dumbest thing I've heard all day. They're playing a college football game in Ireland. Yeah. Yeah, Dublin, Iowa. Oh, they just won't let it go.

And the gophers open up Thursday night next week at home. Okay. We're getting there. Yeah. Before all the NDSU, you people start texting. And yes, we know they play tomorrow too. I watched North Dakota last night, the Fighting Hawks. They got the win over Long Island.

It can happen. It can happen. That's why they play. Randy Shaver, when you were an Iwoean state student, Bradrider, where'd you go to college again? I don't remember. I went here, northwestern in Roseville and St. Paul. Didn't you ever spend some time at the U of M? Wasn't that where you were making out with your girlfriend in the rain? She dumped you on your sorry-ass.

That's where she went. Oh, she went to the U.S. Yeah. Well, she was big time. She invited me over there to dump me. Oh, then she went right to a frat party. Yeah, right. Your top rival at Iowa State, Randy Schaeber,

it was the real Iwo-EGians or it was- No, they've ever played them. Who was your top rival? I would say, Oklahoma. Iowa State would be Nebraska. Nebraska. Okay, that would make sense.

Yeah, because they were in the Big 12 together. Big 8, Big 12. Did you ever pull any pranks on the opposition? You like what I'm College football rivalry pranks Like Harvard and Yale are always molesting each other when You know that kind of a thing

I don't recall Army Navy, this and that Okay What I have here are some of the best College football rivalry pranks And a couple of them went wrong I never went to college I don't know I'm not

Surprising anybody Well you went to college You just didn't attend. I went to St. Cloud State for a hot minute. I never replied. I never went to school there. I just lived there. What about high school type stuff?

Now, I can tell that story. We painted the anchor at Minnetonka. Sure. That's a big, huge rivalry. When I was in high school, the Egan students, they vandalized our football field the night before we played them. Now, how do you know it was the Egan students? What did they do?

They got caught? Okay. What did they do to vandalize the field? They put salt on the field to, like, spell out an inside joke. They poked the bear and they shouldn't have poke the bear. Oh, really? What happened? Oh, we kicked their ass like 56-0-0. They poked the bear.

I was telling my son just had his freshman orientation at Egan High School. And Eastview was brought up and people booed, Dana. Did they? They booed you guys. Oh, who's assed we got to kick? All of them, apparently. Bring on those ninth graders. I'm not afraid.

It was unanimous. So that anchor painting story is actually kind of interesting. So we beat Minnetonka in some stupid, meaningless high school football game. And a bunch of the players decided to go over to Minnetonka High School in the middle of the night. And I'm not advocating this type of behavior, of course, but a bunch of the players went over to Minnetonka, middle of the night. They painted the anchor blue and gold, which is why it's out of colors. Well, somehow they got caught.

And the five, six players had to go to Minnetonka High School and go into the football locker room and apologize to the Minnetonka Skippers football team for painting their anchor. So one guy steps up and says, you know, we got a little carried away. You know, we got all the respect in the world for your football team. We apologize. Hope he can forgive us, right? And then a second, Wysette a player who should have kept his mouth shut, he steps up. He steps up and he feels the need to apologize further and he begins to cry.

Oh, no. No, that does not bode well. So the five, six football guys from Wiesetta walk out of there. And one of them says, What the hell's the matter what you have never been so embarrassed in my life? You don't cry in front of a rival football team. You've ruined everything. HVAC delivery Jesus said, Cottage Grove.

They drew the biggest penis of all time on our football field. And those bastards did a good job. You're not mad. You got to respect it, tip your cap, kind of thing. You know, Nick, your anchor painting, Before I even knew where Minnetonka was, you know, growing up, was we knew about that. Our high school knew about the Minnetonka anchor.

Some bitch started to cry. Come on. Did he put it on or was it legit emotions? He really was just an emotional dude and he embarrassed the whole town. You have to paint the anchor again at that point, don't you? Oh, man. College football rivalry pranks. Let's start with some that went wrong.

wrong. Baylor and Texas A&M. So what happened here, this is in the frigging 50s. Baylor back in those days had a live bear mascot. They kept the bear on campus. This is the 50s again. So Texas A&M fans attempted to take that bear. They got it into their car. Can you even imagine this? They took the friggin bear. That's awesome. Is that like Ricky B, Bobby having to fight the The cougar? The cougar. Yeah.

Well, it's similar, Randy Schaber, because the A&M kids got the Baylor Bear into their car, and it tore the friggin' vehicle. It tore it to shreds. It tore the whole car from the assy and out. Say I'm going to kill the bear. Say that. I'm going to kill the bear.

Oh, my God. They're goddamn right. Today, I'm going to kill the motherfucker. Great movie. So the kids, with what's left of their car, they drove it back and brought it back. Well, this backfired. Now, this is recent history.

The Iwo-Egians, University of Iowa people, tried to take the goalposts out of the old Metrodome, tore them down, and then realized, well, we're in a Metrodome. We can't get these frigging things out of here. They can't fit them through any doorway. Yeah, that rotating door there. I remember this game.

It was, oh, got it. 20 years ago now. Yeah. Iwoegens came here and beat the Golden Gopers at the old Metrodom. It was something like 58 to nothing. It was just a slaughter. Yep, yep.

And the fans got on the field. It was the end of the season. Mm-hmm. The last game of the year. The Iwoe Norwegians, dumb bastards, they tore down the goalpost. They started carrying them and then realize, well, there ain't one single door here that's going to fit this.

So they just left them there. That was awesome. It's incredible. I remember that night because I went to Sheeks Palace Royale. And it was filled with Iwoeesian football fans. So this is after the game, 10, 30, 11 at night. Sheik's Palace Royale is filled with Iwoeans wearing their black and gold, hammered off their ass, celebrating this massive embarrassment,

destroying the golden gophers that night. And I'm sitting next to some J. Brone. And the guy says this, he says, look at these frigging Iowegians, acting like they own the place. and I said, dude, the final score was 58 to nothing. Tonight they do own the place. If I remember correctly, that was the same game where two Iowa fans got caught having sex in the Metro bathroom.

Wow, good for them. They just having the time of their lives. How do you know you're in Iwoean? You get caught having sex at the Metrodome in the bathroom. We all got away with it, no problem. But they said it's because it was a pegging that it drew extra attention from law enforcement. They heard the cries, the screams. It was a pegging.

All right, how about this? We're talking about college football rivalry pranks. Again, back to the 50s. UCLA and USC. UCLA kids rented a helicopter. And where they were going, their plan was to dump manure from the helicopter onto the USC campus. Unfortunately, as they're pouring the buckets of turds out the helicopter, The suction from the roller blades, it's not a roller blade.

The suction from the rotor blades just suck the turds right back into the faces of the kids. That's awesome. No. Oh, man. It came out of it covered in human feces. Well, it wasn't human. It was, what did I say? I guess maybe I didn't.

It was cow or horse manure. All right. Some of these pranks have worked, you know, the army stealing the Navy's goat. that's happened time and time and time and time again. And then the Navy would kidnap the Army's mule. The last time I guess it worked, the last time that the Navy successfully kidnapped Army's mule was in 19 and 91. I guess at one point or another,

how do I say this again? One point or another, the Army kids stole the wrong goat. It can happen. This one is, by God, one of my favorites. favorites because numerous people could have been killed. They call this the Georgia Tech train wreck. The Georgia Tech. The rambling wreck of Georgia Tech.

I came off like me when I was a speech impediment as a kid. You never grew out of that. Yeah. That's true. The Georgia Tech train wreck in 1896 for the love of Christ. That's how long this college football rivalry goes back. before a game between Auburn and Georgia Tech. Auburn students greased the railroad tracks

on which the Yellow Jackets team would arrive on, and it says here, the train slid five miles past its destination. So the Georgia Tech players are arriving by train to Auburn's campus. The Auburn kids greased the railroad tracks. When they hit the brakes, the some bitches just kept going. They had to walk five miles.

Can you imagine? You're probably thinking any second now. Any second. That must have took a long time. How much of the track did they have to grease for it to go five miles beyond the... In 18 and 96, Brad Rider, I don't know. I wouldn't know the answer today. But I bet in 1896, it wasn't exactly a perfect science just yet.

There we go. They're running that train again, Josh. What else do we have here? Bivo. He is the live steer mascot for the Texas Longhorns. Oh, back in the day, Texas A&M students branded Bivo with the final score of the days can. Oh, my gosh. Texas A&M beat Texas 13 to nothing.

This is years and years ago. Oh, God, 19 and 15. So they branded the bull with the final score of 13 to 10. to nothing so all the Texas fans would see it. And the students from Tulane University down there in New Orleans, they went ahead and stole Mike the live tiger mascot at Louisiana State. They stole a 500-pound live tiger and brought it to New Orleans. Oh, my God.

That tiger doesn't want to be there. They brought it to downtown New Orleans. The kids were banned from the... the LSU campus? Did Mike Tyson say word to my tiger go? So these kids were 18, 19, 20 at the time. It's safe to assume. They were officially banned from LSU's campus for the next 50 years.

And there you f'n't go. We got to get going, gentlemen, but thanks and have a great weekend. Thanks. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heading and Eric When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy.

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The U.S. Soccer Podcast. These players are battered and exhausted, but you don't hurt like this if you don't. don't care about this team, about this country, about this game. You can feel the intensity. The goals, the energy that, wow, look at us. Here in the U.S., I have got some news for you. There's so much more to come. My name is Megan Klingberg, and we're just getting started.

The U.S. Soccer Podcast, presented by Henkel. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. F-S. Morning Show, 93X. F everybody. F all he is. It's our final, final. I can't say enough about today's listening audience. What a hell of a crowd.

And maybe we'll see you tomorrow. The Half-Ass Morning Show would be making an appearance tomorrow out at the state fair. At our cute little 93x booth. From 1 to 3, if you're in the neighborhood, if you're going off to the fair tomorrow, you want to say hello, we appreciate it. Buy something, get out, no kids, no pictures. 1 to 3 tomorrow. I'll be damned. We're doing it again, Covey. Back to the fair.

That'll be fun. I like the afternoon deal. Yeah? Yeah, on a Saturday? Perfect. Well, let's be honest. Let's be honest. If you had your way, we'd be there at 5 o'clock in the morning. Well, I'm a morning guy, but I know you guys appreciate the afternoon. And I'll say the later we've done it, the more folks we get to meet. There'll be a lot of peoples, I bet, a lot of peoples. All right, earlier on when we were jaw jacking with, what's happening?

Oh, my, I'm being attacked by some, my nose has never itched so. bad. Oh, that's the worst. Yeah, that looked violent what you were just doing there. I don't know what happened. You shoved back from the table like you just got shot. I thought like the moth man got me or something. That was a terrible live on air nose itch? It's never itched that bad. Well, you know what people say. People say that means someone's thinking about you. Oh, really? Yeah. I wonder who. Bad or good? It doesn't matter. I'm just glad to be involved. Exactly. You just want to be part of the team. Hey, thank you. When we were jaw jacking with dinkus and other dinkus here a few minutes ago, We were talking about big college football rivalries where the fan bases take to pranking each other.

We went this way. We went that way. Big rivalries. Fitting because an article just popped up in front of me about nothing to do with sports, just in general. Every state in America, every state's least favorite other state. Okay? And it goes on and on. We don't need to go through every friggin, you know,

we'll be here all day and who cares what Vermont thinks, who cares what Colorado, you know, California hates Texas, Texas hates California. Let's focus on the Midwest and tell you what folks are feeling. North Dakota, hate South Dakota, and vice versa. I had never heard that before, had you guys? I guess I haven't really thought about it. I didn't know the Dakota's.

I just kind of assumed they did. I don't know why, but I guess I thought maybe they were a little more bonded. Yeah. It seems like they should be tight. I know so few no-dackers in South and sew-dackers that I guess I've never been a part of that conversation. How do we fix that? Is that none of our business? None of our business.

Josh immediately wants to be the mediator between the two states. Come on. Let's figure something out. You guys are right there. Hey, let it happen naturally. Don't get in the way of this. Okay. I get my ass kicked.

Yeah. They just, I'm the common enemy. That's how they bond by kicking your ass together. They unite. North Dakota hates South Dakota and vice versa. The Iwoeans. They hate Nebraska. Okay?

And that the feeling is mutual. Nebraska folks hate the Iwoeans. Now, I don't know. Do you feel bad about this at all, Josh? That Wisconsin doesn't pick us as their least favorite state. We're talking about every state in America, and we won't be covering every state in America, but the topic is, what state does your state hate?

Wisconsin doesn't hate us the most. Even though we named Wisconsin, they don't hate us the most. They hate those bastards in Illinois. I remember being surprised the first time I heard that. I assumed it was equal, right, between us, Packers, Vikings, you know, Brewers' twins. I thought that that was kind of a mutual thing. But maybe it was even you that told me like, no way. Wisconsin, it's Illinois, way more so than Minnesota.

Well, specifically, if we're going to go back to talking about the National Football League. Yeah, I mean, absolutely the Packers' biggest rival is the Bears and vice versa. I know a lot of Minnesotans get butt hurt by that, but we are not the Green Bay Packers' top rival. It's the Chicago Bears. And Packer fans love pointing that out, too. They're like, you guys are so obsessed with us. We don't even care about you. We hate the Bears.

You're indifferent to us. Is this correct, Josh? Michigan hates Michigan more than anybody else? It's kind of like how me hates me more than anybody. Forget about trying to solve the problems between North Dakota and South Dakota. Maybe we send you to Michigan. It looks like they hate themselves more than anybody else. That's troubling.

That's weird, right? So again, we Minnesotans, we hate Wisconsin. Wisconsin hates Illinois. The Iwoeans hate Nebraska. Nebraska hates the Iroegians, and North Dakota and South Dakota hate each other. This is an interesting question. I know I told you we weren't going to cover any other states, But this is an interesting question.

Why the F does Alaska hate Texas? When Alaskans were asked, what other states do you hate the most? They said Texas. Why? It's a size thing, isn't it? Oh. You're probably on to something. Because Californians named Texas and Texas named California.

So much like your average dude with penis envy, it's a size thing. So there you go. I assumed like a California, Texas rivalry would be more of like a political thing perhaps. Oh, that could be. There are some folks who can't shake politics from their diseased brain. I never ever considered that because I never think about politics. Yeah, how does that, like, not cross my mind? I guess that's maybe I'm like you.

It's not at the front of my mind. For some people, it's the only thing they think about ever. Question. Oh, for Christ's sake. Oh, I don't have to ask. No, you don't have. All of a sudden, I'm South Dakota. this whole thing. Oh, no. I like your question.

That's my point, Josh. You don't have to alert us to the fact that I like that bit, though. I do too. It reminds me of your cousin. My cousin would always do that. Go ahead with your question. So the first thing my cousin would do is he'd stand in your presence and just wait. He was weird. And then if you looked over his way, he'd say

question. When you first looked at this map, I'm hoping you did the same thing as me because I felt like an idiot. When I was first look at the map of what states hate other states, I was like, well, wait, no, that's Texas. Why does it say California on there? Because all the states had different names on them. That did not happen to me, but I understand. I understand how you could make that mistake. God darn it. Question. Yes.

You stupid or something? I know. It kind of reminds me. I was telling Nick Off Air yesterday, my son, we went on a little walk, and one of the neighbor kids came by. A little kid, cute little kid. He's racing on his bike back and forth. Oh, my damn. And my son was like, hey, Logan, what's up? And Logan kind of just looked and didn't say anything. And I forget. And I forgot the term. Maybe somebody with a middle schooler can tell me. There was a term he used. Oh, it's like the Gen Z stare or something. There was some. Oh, what is it? Like, he blanked me? Yeah, like ghosted me. Yeah, ghosted. It wasn't ghosted, but something. Oh, I've seen that

used so much. For some reason, I can't think of it at all. So the little kid on the bicycle did not acknowledge your son, more importantly, my godson, when he said hello to him. Yeah, he just kind of smiled. You know, the kid's kind of quiet. And so my son's like, he explained it to me. this term because I'd never heard it before. And he's like, you know, it's kind of like when you say hi to somebody and they don't really acknowledge you and you kind of get that feeling in your stomach. Sure. And to make them feel better, I said, no, I can't say that's ever happening.

Never had that problem. Never once. Like, you'll say hi to somebody and they don't respond to you whatsoever. I'm like, I'm trying to empathize, but I can't. And all he said was, damn. I'm the only some bitch that this happens to? I don't think there. should even be a term, but I did let him know later.

Yeah, it's probably happened to everybody. Mogged? I don't think it was M-G-D. No, that's not it. It was something about being ignored. Say that out loud again? People are saying M-G-D. I've heard that term. I'm going to have to text. With G's in it? M-O-G-E-D. I'm going to go along with it.

Somebody says, the only takeaway from the story, you went outside. Hey, I did. Good for you, dude. It's been a while. I'm vitamin D deficient. How does the sun feel? Where the doctors are, it hurt, and it hurt. it's scary. Yeah, you got to get over that.

A monster. Josh used to consider the son to be a monster. All right, speaking of Cubby, let's go a little further with something that Josh brought up earlier. According to an online conversation, an online survey, Keanu Reeves is the big shot celebrity with the most aura. Now, this is the first aura ranking I've ever seen. I'll go ahead and admit that. but if you didn't hear it earlier he beat a heavy hitter

if you didn't hear it it's interesting to note that falling into second place behind Keanu Reeves on the list of the aura levels of famous people falling into second place Jesus H. Christ I wonder if this is going to piss any people off

because remember back in the 60s remember back in the 60s well we weren't alive but I'm sure it's a notable moment in rock and roll history, when John Lennon, who was just horsing around and said, you know, we're bigger than Jesus right now. He was just kidding around. And America turned on him like he was Satan himself.

I wonder if anyone's going to be bum rushing whoever created this article because they kicked Jesus in the balls for a couple of minutes. But yes. I'm going to guess, yes. Of course, that's a dumb question. Of course, there are people who are going to. People getting about anything. Obviously. Question.

Answer. Can I make a joke that somebody texted? and thought, well, never mind, never mind. Oh, come on. That's even stupid. I brought it up because I just, that was dumb. Well, now you got to say it. You were going to tell us a joke, but now you're not.

I wanted to earlier, but I know it's going to offend some people. I don't mean to. It's just kind of funny the way the guy said it. He said, let me write it down. I'm sorry to do this. That's all right. Yeah, write it down. Nobody cares.

It's Friday. You can write things down. We'll come back to it later. But it's a fact here. This website apparently that made up the ranking. They call themselves theora-100.com. Jesus Balls, they rank... That has no aura.

Does that mean they ranked 100 different people on their... What has no aura? That website name. How can they not have any aura when they're called the aura 100? It's cheesy. It's cheesy. You don't like... You don't get aura, then.

You don't like the name? Josh is passing me this joke that he wasn't sure. Oh, yeah, I wouldn't say that. Sorry I brought it up. I'm sorry that's frustrating. I would not say that. I would think it and I would say. I know you enough to.

I bet you did think that. Oh, I agree with this text message. I do. And I'll say it off air. Am I going to say it on air? No. So yes, it's a fact. Keanu Reeves was selected as the big shot,

famous character with the most aura. I'm not dialed into this. I mean, I think I know what aura is, but you don't need to explain it to me. I'll just go ahead anyway. What we didn't get to earlier was the top 15. ora 100.com or Theora 100.com has ranked the top 15 famous people on the aura. Number 15, I hear this name a lot out of your yapper, Josh, because I think you're a big fan of this character. Henry Cavill.

Oh, definitely. Is that the guy? Speaking of Jesus, isn't that the guy who played Jesus in that movie called Holy Balls? Did you see what happened to Jesus? No, no. That wasn't Henry. Who was the guy who played Jesus in that, the Mel Gibson one? Passion of the Christ.

Passion of the Cripes. Who was that? That wasn't Henry. You're close. That was Jim Cavizio. Oh, yeah. Henry Cavill is the wrongly fired Superman. He was on The Witcher.

He's one of the men of my dreams. I love Henry. Yeah, I know you love the guy. I couldn't. There's a few of these people. He's hot. He's hilarious. He's nice. Wait, he's British?

Yeah. I didn't know that. What? Listen to him speak. Well, I just watch him speak in character. I've never heard him. I was shot, too. The first time, I saw him do an interview with, about Superman.

Yep, that's how I figured it out, too. And I thought I had no idea. Yeah, he's great. It wasn't Cavill. It was Cavizio. Yeah, Jim Caviziel. Okay, there's only one other swinging D on this list. I couldn't.

Oh, okay, there's two more here that I couldn't picture. the 14th highest level of aura. Tom Holland? I don't know Tom Holland. Spider-Man. Never saw it. He's a cool kid. Well, I saw the one with that skinny young character. Toby McGuire. And the hot blonde redhead.

Yeah, he seems pretty cool, but I think that he wouldn't have much aura at all if he wasn't with the woman he's with. I think that Zendaya makes him look cool. That definitely helps. I thought he was kind of considered nerdy. Yeah, he definitely is. 13, 13, 13, 13, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. He's got ORA. Really, you're poo-pooing that?

I know why, Dana, because you're a Vin Diesel guy and they had a little... Well, no, it's not so much that. I grew up loving the Rock, but he just become so phony and so just corporate manufactured. Like, everything he does is, like, clearly so pre-planned out. What about John Cena? Yeah. I feel the same way. I feel the same way about him.

Oh, come on. Oh, wait a minute. I didn't mean to spoil it. I didn't mean to spoil it. Yes. I said it earlier, too. Oh, you did? He's third on the oral list is John Sita.

I don't know. I guess maybe I'm misinterpreting the definition of aura, but I always thought it was just like cool, like swag. Yeah. I don't think he seems kind of nerdy, like lame. John Sina? Cringy, yeah. Yeah, I've heard people say cringy.

We've got to take a break. We've got to take, well, get to the rest of this oral list, but I got to tell you John Sina's story real quick. My nephew, my brother's son, when he was little. like a lot of little kids. He was totally and completely obsessed with television wrestling. He loved every single solitary second of it. And he would make my mother play wrestling action figures against each other.

So my nephew had, I think, a Dwayne Johnson doll, the rock doll. And he gave my mother the John Cena doll. And he's like, okay, we have to wrestle now. It's the rock against Johnson. And my mom said, okay, I'll play. Here he comes, Don Sina. And my nephew looked at my mother as if he was thinking, do you want to get cut, bitch?

His name is not Don Sina. Hey Josh. Yo. You told us a story about you and your son. More importantly, my godson, the two of you were taking a walk the other day together. Lame. But anyway, the two of you were taking a walk in the neighborhood together.

I got to spend more than five minutes with him. I was game. Some little kid wrote his bicycle past the two of you. And your son said to the kid, hey, Donnie. Donnie just kept riding his bicycle. He didn't say Dick. And your son said, oh, Christ, kind of ignored me there. And you were trying to come up with the term that your son used with all of his hip ninth-grade lingo, right?

I was asking other middle school parents that they could help me with whatever they say now. The all-knowing brotherhood and sisterhood has solved that for you. What your son said was, damn, I just got egoed. That's exactly it. So if you say hello to us, if you address somebody and they don't address you back, you just got egoed. I had to tell him, I don't think you got egoed by a five-year-old, but it is possible. Maybe he did ego you.

But okay, egoed, thank you. We always, with the help of our listeners, we always get to the bottom of these friggin' things. Okay, back to this report, which has got to be the most random list we've ever read. Theora100.com upped and measured the aura levels of celebrities and created a top 15. I mean, how random is the list? Jesus Christ is on the list. He fell into second place on the all-time aura list. He fell into second place behind Keanu Reeves, the dude who played Bill S.

Preston Esquire, or did he play Ted? I can't remember. He was Ted. All right. Ted Theodore Logan. Piston Dixon, I think it was. Jesus lost out to Keanu Reeves. We didn't fit. Well, first off, before we finish off this list, do you think this is what's going to finally bring Jesus back?

You know what? To argue this? I've been watching things for a while. We've got to talk. I love Keanu. He settles it in the octagon with Keanu Reeves. Dad did a great job with Keanu, but come on, guys. He's got to take the belt. away from Keanu.

I suffered a little bit for you guys. And then defend it at next year's SummerSlam. Before we wrap up the rest of this list, can anyone here, do you know how to measure aura? I mean, like, do I have a recognizable level of aura? What does this all mean in the first place? Yeah, like you can gain or lose aura points. The vibe? It's like a vibe.

Okay, because I know vibes. I'm a vibes guy. So it's like a vibe. It's a hip new way to say vibe. Yeah, sometimes you have more of an aura. But, Josh, you say you can gain and lose aura. Yeah, definitely. By your behavior.

Kids were saying, they would just say aura. Or have you heard aura farming when you're trying to do something cool, but it just doesn't work out? Unbelievable. ORA farming. Yeah, you're aura farming. You're just trying to look good in front of the chicks. All right, the top 15.

Celebrities with the most aura. We got a little ways into the list. 15 was Henry Cavill. 14. Tom Holland. 13. The Rock. Oh, here's where we left off. Number 12.

Jim Carrey. Number 11. Shamone. Mike Jackson. Yeah. Different level. He had something. That's for damn sure.

10. Chris Evan. 9. Matthew McConaughey. For sure. You think for sure. Got aura. Don't you think? He just kind of oozes cool. Yes.

He's cool. Yeah, he's cool. So aura kind of means cool. Yeah. I'm warming up to this. Okay, Matthew McConaughey, number eight, Robert Downey Jr. Number seven, Tupac Shakur. Yeah, definitely.

Six, I get lost here. Twitch streamer Extra Emily. Yeah, I hadn't heard of her. Like I said, this list includes. It's a Twitch streamer and Jesus Christ. This is the most random thing that's ever happened on the Internet. She's a little closer to Jesus Christ than maybe she should be on that list, don't you think? Yeah.

I don't even know who they have. I've never heard of her before. I mean, she's adorable. Yeah. Number five is Christian Bale. Number four, Willem Defoe falls into the... That guy kind of scares me. I always forget who that guy is.

Let me look it up. Oh, yeah. Some of these are weird. I don't get some of these. A lot of this is weird, like I said. He's got a vibe for sure. Great actor, great actor. Yeah, he can play creepy.

Talk about it. Yeah, he just has a weird aura. I don't know if he's got like a cool vibe about him. He's just kind of, if I was in like a room with him, I'd be like, what's up with that dude? He has a very unique look. Kind of like the dude who died a day or two ago. What was his name again, John? Kind of like Tim Curry.

You're not going to often mistake anybody for Willem Defoe. He's the kind of guy you just, you don't know, really want to fall asleep around it. I'm not saying he's done anything bad. I have no idea, but he just kind of has that about him. Like, yeah, I would be afraid I'd wake up to him, like, a couple inches away from my face just watching me sleep kind of thing. And we already did mention the top three, but if you missed it, number three is John Chana. Number two, Jesus Christ. And number one, Keanu F-Me running sideways, Reeves. There you go.

Oh my God, I didn't realize we were already smooth out of time. So before we go, before we go, do you want to give folks a heads up on tomorrow again, Josh? Yeah, tomorrow, once again, we will be at the 93X booth at the State Fair 1 until 3 p.m. Got all the merch you can imagine for sale if you're interested, or just come up and say hello, we'd absolutely love to hang with you for a bit. See you tomorrow for Christ's sake. Got a couple shoutouts here, too.

Sorry, your mouth was open. I thought you're going to say something. That was the beginning of a yawn. Josh, I was yawning, yes. We hope Logan is a good boy, Jesus, has a great last day at Ryan Chase. Hurry back, lickety split, you hear? Thought I was bored a couple of seconds ago. It's gotten really bad now.

That's from Can't. Corey can't beat me at Golf Jesus. And I know what she tried to do with the whole split thing. He tried to get me on that to say a bad word. I practiced off air, so that wouldn't happen. True story. Happy 12th to Rylan from Bank Examining. Jesus and happy 49th to fresh flu-shade Jesus.

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