93X Half-Assed Morning Show - PT Loser

Episode Date: August 19, 2026

Originally Aired August 19, 2026: Wanna be in our frat? Here's the cocaine. Facebook Marketplace treasures. Everything you've ever wanted to know about getting a parking ticket while you're dead.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Hello, listener. Hi, buddy. This is Josh from the morning show here. Turns out our equipment is less than satisfactory. The majority of the show is missing. First off, this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong.

This is not a reflection of your actions. Truth is, nothing works here. So you have our sincerest apologies. I hope you're not mad at us. And who knows? Since there's no more podcast, maybe you'd be interested in reading a book. Currently, I'm reading a book.

about anti-gravity, and I just can't put it down. You're welcome. Until tomorrow, have a pleasant day. The 93X-Hex-haffast morning show. Ninety-three. We're all set. I believe that we're all set to go, officially on the clock. Josh?

Yes, sir. Did you punch in? I did. Did you punch me in? I forgot to punch it. You didn't punch either one of us in. Yeah, we have that agreement where I, Punch you in two hours before you get here and three hours after you leave.

Right. You forgot? We're pals. I did. I totally forgot. Well, after this break, make sure we punch you. I'm so used to it. All right.

Hope everyone's feeling good vibes this morning. This here Wednesday morning. And for cripes sake, Josh, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this. You're once again being unfairly lumped in with a bad crowd, not unlike the situation. not unlike the situation you're in with your current employer. You're once again being lumped in with a bad crowd. And I know this is no fault of your own because I know you have a tremendous skill set

behind the wheel of a motor vehicle. You're good with the driving. That's awful nice. You honor me. Nice you to say. I've seen it. I know it. But despite your dedication to safety

and responsibility behind the wheel ski for the second consecutive year, Dodge Ram drivers statistically are the worst drivers in town. It's not our fault. I've heard this before. They say we're... Second straight year. Me and my people are... We get in the most accidents.

That's one of the things I know they've mentioned before. Yeah, I got the stats right here. I can't wait to dump it on you. But it's not our fault. People are admiring our sweet rigs. Yeah. And they're distracted, obviously. Distracted driving.

They crash right into us. Oh. That makes a lot of sense. You know, it's kind of like somebody on the freeway. They're like, oh, sweet police lights crash! They get right in the back of a patrol car. Despite how well-behaved you are, a Dodge Ram driver. Your fellow ram rods have just ruined everything for the second and consecutive year.

Dodge Ram drivers are the worst in town. It says right here, the numbers have been crunched. as they say. And the conclusion they've come to is, if you drive a Dodge Ram, you suck. Yeah, I'm a ram, man. I have been the last few years. That might change in the next few months,

but I do enjoy it. Local 34 Jesus said, come over to GMC, bud. Can't afford it. I like those trucks, too. You look like you're having fun. Oh, yeah, I'm a big fan. It's my favorite vehicle that I've ever owned. Well, ever least, I guess, in this case.

My husband has a ram, and I don't think he's ever been in an accident. So they went ahead and analyzed data. Some might say data. They talked to all the insurance companies. They totaled up all the car accident reports. You rammers, because day after day, that's what you do. You're ramming it.

Yeah, we like to ram it. People have texted in and said, it's literally called a ram. Of course they're going to crash. Right. You're not alone. The other folks who totally blow behind the wheel drive BMWs and Tesla's. But here we go.

What do I have here? Yeah, the stats include DWIs speeding, other citations. So here we go. Ram, highest accident rates. Ram. We make that list. Ram high DWI rates. Ram lowest roadhead rates.

Oh, no. That last one's not true at all. I'll dish it out to any passenger. Two pumps and a fist, Jesus said... While driving? That's impressive. I'm that good. He's at the oral.

I didn't know that Josh had a Dodge. Not a good stigma. I'd rather be a Ford guy, and that's coming from a Chevy owner. What is the rip on Dodge? Or I guess Ram. The small penis crowd. Oh, is that kind of what it is? That's the most common dig I hear against ram drivers,

especially the big lifted pigs like you drive around town. The dig I hear, and I'm just repeating, I don't agree with this, but I always hear people say, if you drive one of those big Dodge Rams with the big tall sum bitch and the big tires and the loud pipe, they say you're just packing nothing more than a tick-tack down there. I've heard that. Oh, if you doll it up like that?

Yeah. I've heard people... It actually agrees with that. Suggests were rednecks. Redneck, small pecker. People certainly are saying, you know, reliability. That was a concern for me. That's why I leased it. Reliability.

Reliability of the vehicle. Really? I've heard nothing but great things about that. Oh, is that right? Yeah, that's why I have not. That's why my husband switched from Chevy to Ram. Okay. Because Chevy does not have a trash. It depends on your research.

People are going to text me and pissed off. about that. And again, I don't agree with these stereotypes. I'm fine with it. I kind of like that stuff. I'll take the crap. I enjoy it. I like it too. Yeah, come to the Rambley. If you haven't driven one of those before. I love that. Now, on

the flip side, they say the best drivers are going for a rip in their mercury. Cadillac. Boy, I don't see mercuries. They don't make those anymore, right? I have

idea. Let me look that up. Yeah, I'm not sure. The folks who are behaving themselves are setting in the driver's seat in their mercury, their Cadillac, and their Chrysler, which reminds me I got to call my friggin' brother-in-law. Cadillac, really? That's surprising because when I drove a Cadillac for a little bit,

everybody said it was like an old people car. Yeah, you hear that. They aren't the best drivers. Well, they're just driving on Sundays. You can't count that. The rest of us, we drive every day. Oh, yeah. Everybody claims that the Cadillac is just for the old broken down fogies, the mercuries to Cadillacs and the Chrysler's.

Somebody here says, come on over to the Raptor side. You can then use the men's bathroom. Yeah, again, I don't got a hundred grand to spend on a truck. Yeah, that'd be sick. But I do like those T-R-Xs though. Yeah. I've never been interested,

as glorious as those Ford Raptors look. I've never been interested in being just crippled by debt. Yeah. I've tried to avoid that. Hey, if I could, yeah, I'd get something like that. You know, my brother-in-law is a good guy. That offer that he's had there for me for decades, Josh, where if I ever run into trouble here at the radio station,

I can work for him over at the friggin Chrysler plant. He's a good guy. That offer is still open. Yeah. Sorry, members of the Ramalee. They're just dragging you through the mud again this year, saying you guys and gals just blow your teard. You're terrible behind the wheel.

That's what they say. What does this mean from Cato Hauling Jesus? Ram is considered the American version of Nissan. I have no idea. I want to stay up on the stereotypes. You're a very knowledgeable car guy. I don't know how they work, but I follow along like the vehicle, you know, kind of like specs and stuff like that.

That's what I mean. You know, yeah, you're not necessarily the guy we're going to find under the hood, elbow deep in Greece and whatnot, but you know what's. what the features, when they're coming out, how long they've been out. You're very, so, I mean, if there's any car questions, you'd be the guy that could answer them. Yeah, I mean, I pay attention to stuff like, just like things that people don't know

anything about cars pay attention to, like, you know, trim levels. Oh, yeah, yeah. I pay attention to, like, what the engine has, but I couldn't tell you why that makes sense. You got all kinds of knowledge there that I couldn't possibly. Now, is this the liquor talking? Josh, or have you owned a lot of motor vehicles in the time that we've known each other? To me, it seems like...

Owned or least, yeah. Whatever the term, you had, you had a lot of motor vehicle. Am I wrong about that? No, part of it was for a long time, I did commercials for the Walzer Automotive Group. And so, in lieu of getting paid, I'd have a car every 5,000 miles, right? Really? Was that part of the deal? That was the deal. What a hell of a...

Which was great. You know, that was awesome. I didn't have a car payment for, boy, I don't know, maybe six years. Okay, sound off. That's wonderful. Sound off if you've ever owned any of the following makes. Okay? Honda.

Yes. Oh, yeah. You've written in it. You and I almost got beat up at an edge fest in my Honda. You had the little sweet little red Honda Civic. A little Civic. The first new car ever bought. Boy, we would go fast.

And I bought it from one of my best friends growing up, from the dealership. he worked at and he screwed me over royally. Oh, I remember that. He boned you. Oh, yeah. He put all this stuff in that I didn't sign. I mean, it became kind of a pretty big sore spot between the two of us. We got over it, but my insurance guy said, dude, you got ripped off. What happened here? This was a friend of yours.

One of my best friends. You know what? That's kind of been the theme this week. We found out that Josh's best friends maybe aren't so great after all. Then they've screwed him and neglect. I'm a forgiving person. They've neglected you over the... I put up with a lot.

But if my memory serves me correct, when we were young, I would get drunk. Josh would drink pop, and then we would get in his Honda Civic, and you would be driving, and we'd go real, real fast. That's kind of what we did back then. Yeah, that's for sure. Yeah, it was my 2000. It's the first new car ever bought. Toyota? Yeah, a few of them.

Actually, that's kind of what I'm looking at now. Jeep? If my wife's vehicle counts, yes. Have you driven it? Yeah. I love my Jeep. Kia. Yes.

I had an Optima. And when they changed the body style, I think 2012. They called it a what? Kia Optima. Now it's the K5. Optima. Nissan. No.

Oh, okay. Oh, I take that back. Of course you do. If you can count my wife, yeah, we had a pathfinder for a while before they changed the body style. It was insane. As long as it was in your driveway and you drove it once or two. Okay. I know you had a Ford.

A few of them, yep. A few four. You had a couple of F-1-50s. Yep, I've had three F-150s. Yeah, you had an old dusty one when we were young guys. I loved that. I missed that one. Yeah, I liked that.

I had, my dad had an F-150, and once in a while I would drive it here to work. And so you and I would sometimes park our big old F-150s next to each other, and we thought we were tough. Yep. I'm just by. Have you guys joined in on this conversation? I've had three cars in my life. You've had three cars in your entire life?

Yeah. My God. Yeah, so far, let me think. Volkswagen, Jeep, a Cadillac for a little bit. And a Ford, yeah, I've only had four. I've had a Ford Focus, a Ford Fusion, and now I drive a Cherokee. Josh, okay, we know you currently drive a Dodge, and your fellow Dodge drivers are terrible drivers. We've covered that.

Chevrolet. I never have. What? No real reason. I mean, some of them look pretty sweet, like a trail boss or something like that. You're not missing out. Oh, I'm not? No, I just, I have bitterness towards them because people in my life had a Chevy Silverado,

and there's like a whole chunk of those. Like, there's like a certain year, I think it's like 2014 to 2017, something like that. I have no idea. But where the transmission is just trash. And I've watched it go out in three people's different Chevy Silveradoes. And when you bring it in, they're like, yeah, this is like a problem with these. Like, this happens to them. It's very, very common.

And I'm like, why isn't this like a recall? Why hasn't this been fixed? This is ridiculous. I had a good time in my shivby. Oh, yeah, that thing was sweet, by the way. You like my shib? Yeah. You were talking about your, what was that?

What was that thing? Oh, I had a blazer. You're right. I forgot. Land Rover. No, can't afford that. Oh, that'd be sick. That's like a Kardashian car.

You've gone through some vehicles. Yeah, Mazda. Those are the most. Oh, yeah. Film me in and what I'm missing. Mazda. Yeah. Have you ever had a voc? Or, yeah, Volkswagen.

His mother drove a Volkswagen. My mom did. Yeah, I've had it. She was usually in the back of the Volkswagen. Okay. I took a turn. You got to get past that now. My, yeah, I had a Ford Taurus.

We already did Ford. Yeah, I was trying to, we were talking about the F-150s. I was trying to think. I forgot I had a Ford sedan. There you go. A lot of vehicles. I just heard throathausen. Do you guys hear throat housing?

Yeah, I did. He's an excellent driver as well. Throat housing? Yeah. Yeah, I was just sitting here thinking, we've known each other a long time, and it seemed to me that you've gone through a lot of motor vehicles, but as you explained, some of it was, you know, radio.

jargon where they'd set you up with a ride and you'd read some ads. That reminds me of this guy. He didn't last long in the company, this corporate guy. I only saw him once. Yeah, that was the only time I saw him too. I think he was here for no less than a week. I bet you're right. He was like a corporate dude, relatively known to be a douchebag, hated within the company. And so he didn't last very long. But they're like, hey, you got to meet this big boss. He's in town. He wants to say hi to everybody. So we'd go down and sit at the time, at the time our general manager's office where he took over the He was supposed to be like this sales ninja. Yeah.

Just boom, boom, boom. He could just make four or five phone calls and we would all be rich, right? Yeah, and he's sitting there on the phone, never got off the phone. And again, they're like, hey, you got to come meet this guy. It's important. And he takes a break from his phone call and he looks at Nick. He's like, hey man, you want a pickup truck? Nick's like, I love a pickup truck.

And then he looked at me, you want a pickup truck? And I said, I also would love a pickup truck. He's like, boom, going to get you guys both pickup trucks for an endorsement. And again, the telephone. on his shoulder. You know how they used to do back in the day? Never got off the phone. No, never got out.

See, to this day, I don't believe he was on the telephone with a live. He was big time. He was putting on a show. You want to pick up? I'll get you one. You got it. You got it. Oh, hey, yeah, Ernie, sorry about that.

I'm talking to my radio show. So, you know, the P1s. And that was it. It was all a show. It was garbage. Never heard from him again. I never got a friggin' pickup truck from that prick. Again, I think he was canned within a week.

There's another guy that came in here. I actually liked him, this corporate guy. I don't know if he's still with the company or not. But he came in one time to our old studios like, what do you guys need in here? What do you need? We're like, well, we could use some new computers. These things are kind of falling apart.

He's like, no problem. Got you. We're going to get you those new computers. That was 20-some years ago, and we haven't seen the new computer yet. No, we haven't. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning.

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Presented by Henko. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Oh, I thought of another car I had. Go ahead. Didn't last very long because the head gasket went out. Oh, for Christ's sake. I had an Asuzu trooper. Oh, yeah.

I like that boxy little bastard. Big tall. Boxy. Yeah. Had the spare tire on the back. I wish I knew more about cars. Me too. I mean, like, I got to see the logo.

You got to show, like, or else I have no idea. Unless it's like a slug bug. I'm like, yep. I wish I could crawl under the hood and do wonderful things. That's the thing. I can do some basics, but I wish I could do wonderful things. Yeah, I know how to change my oil. Oh, you do?

Yeah. That's impressive. My dad made sure that was a necessity. I also had a vehicle that, like, wasn't the best, and so it had to be done often. Yeah, the Asuzu Trooper, that brings up a story. Did that some bitch become a thing? Late 80s, right? I think that's kind of when it was big.

Remember the Joe Asuzu commercials? I thought he was awesome. I do not recall Joe Asuzu. I think late 80s is when the Asuzu Trooper first came out, and it was a big, tall, boxy vehicle like Josh described. And my dad's best friend, Lenny. Lenny got himself in a sous trooper. And my dad being the All-American, tough guy,

Teamster, Legion member, Vietnam vet type of a character. Lenny and my dad went on a lot of fishing trips together. We shared a cabin with Lenny and his wonderful family. God rest the soul of Lenny and my dad. But my old man, when he found out his pal, Lenny had gotten himself an Asuzu trooper. My dad said, well, I'm not going anywhere with you in that damn thing. My dad, and I don't remember if it was made in Japan or what, you see where I'm going

with this? I don't recall exactly. Is Asesu with Japanese? I don't even know. I think so. Okay. So my dad's like, I'm not going anywhere with you in that vehicle. So Lenny thought my dad was kidding.

First fishing trip we all went on together. Lenny picks us up and it's a Zuzu trooper. We kids get in the back. My dad gets in the passenger seat, takes out a paper bag and puts it over his head. He said, I will not be seen and you're a Suzu trooper as we go up to the... I can respect that. Yeah. I like the way they look.

They remind me of the way Jeep Patriots are. I think that's the correct one. I always want one of those. That or a Ford Ranger. A Ranger? Yeah. Or do you mean a Bronco? No, I mean a Ranger.

Okay. Yep. The tiny little pickup truck. I always thought that was perfect. I'll tell you what, Ashley. You drive a Ford Ranger, you want to know what happens? You get laid. I bet.

I saw so in kind of looking for my next vehicle once my lease is up, some of those internationals, I thought those were kind of cool. Sure. There's actually a car I found yesterday that, but it's like in Kansas City. and I don't know if I want to make a trip to Kansas City to see if that's a decent piece. Kansas City? Plus again, I don't know enough to look under the hood

and know if everything's okay or not. You could always bring somebody with you. Yeah. Just bring a mechanic along for the ride. I just show up at my local dealership. Yeah, do you want to take a seven-hour road trip with me? And you guys want to, we'll get some barbecue. Yeah, I'll pay for the snacks.

We'll stop at Arthur Bryant once we get to KC. We'll get nice and full on barbecue, get the meat sweats, and then we'll go look at a used car. I'm not saying this will work every time. Don't try this at home. But another little side story on the Isuzu trooper. That's how my dad pronounced it, by the way. I'm not getting in no Isuzu.

Another little side story on the Asuzu trooper. And again, I warn you, don't try this at home. In 1989, I saw that I witnessed this. You can put seven or eight high school guys in an Asuzu trooper. and then drive that trooper over someone's skull, and that individual will live to tell the story. Crazy. That is amazing.

One of the most amazing things I ever saw in my life was at a high school keg party. Things got totally out of control. It was an outdoor scene with a bonfire. Big, big, big crowd, hundreds of kids. Fist fight breaks out. We ended up tuning up these guys. And they all decided to up and leave in their Isuzu trooper. Seven, eight of them piled into this ride, and they were going to get the hell out of there.

Because we had beaten them up pretty good. This gal was drunk and leaning up against the back of the trooper. They never knew she was there. And they pulled backwards first, and when that happened, this almost unconscious gal just kind of slumped down to the ground. Now, she's lying on her back. You know, I think she still had her beer in her hand. When they went forward, they ran right over her frigging skull. And I remember turning away, thinking I was about ready to be splashed by brains.

She lived. That's so nice. Yeah, I would have thought the same thing. I can't imagine seeing that. Be like a smashed watermelon or something. She sat up after a few seconds. I thought for sure she was dead. And again, the only thing that kept her alive was it had rained all day that day, all throughout the beer party.

And so when they ran her over, they just smashed her cranium a couple inches down into the mud. She ended up with, I think, a concussion and some strained vertebrae or something in her neck. Is it one of those things where, you know, weird things like that? happened to someone and they come out and they can speak Spanish perfectly, although they never knew how to say anything other than Taco? It's a very good question. And wouldn't that have been or they've got a French accent? Wouldn't that have been a nice little bow I could put on that story if that were true? But no, I think she was mostly the same person after that she was before. She got run over by an Asuzu trooper with seven 18-year-olds inside of it. Here's someone that says,

how about the Yugo? Yeah, a buddy of mine's parents had a Yugo. And after about, I don't know, years it was more Bondo than Ugo. I mean, honestly, they never even painted again. It was all Bondo. Tiny little car. Oh, yeah. Those things, I mean, they were a punchline forever. Okay, Josh. Are you guys even old enough to remember the Ugo? No.

No. I do. How about this one, Josh? How about Lecar? La C-A-R? Who made Lecar? L-E-C-A-R. Sounds like it could be French. Well, of course, but I don't know. It was a... Like a Renault?

I have no idea. A tiny, tiny little ride. I believe it had its heyday late 70s, early 80s. Yeah, not quite mini Cooper, but close. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. We're doing our best year. I know there's probably some car guys going, oh, you frigging amateurs. Yeah, yeah, not trying to piss anybody.

No, no, no, no. Of course we're not trying to piss anybody. We admit, don't know a ton about about it. Who the hell made Le Car? Yeah, Renault. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, people are texting in, okay. That's what I, how I remembered it. It's always fun when we get to talking about car.

though, even if we are amateurs because we get so many great text messages on the good, the bad, and the ugly, and somewhere's in between. Yeah, this is fun. I love this kind of stuff. Classic country Jesus said he could sit and talk cars all day long. I love going to the car shows. Those are fun. And he asked me if I've ever driven a Ranger Raptor. No, but a listener named Brock has one. And do you remember Nick when we did a promotion out at Apple Valley Ford? I'm sure you remember that promotion last time? I bought a car. I bought a car from them, you know. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, love those guys. Truly, some of those guys I've known back since the Walls are modest today, 20-some years. Love those guys. Awesome dudes.

Word up to Brian Mahan. Anyway, yes, last summer, two summers ago. Yeah, do you remember Brock's Ranger Raptor? It's the first one I'd ever seen him personally. No. Very cool. Someone named Brock? Brock, yeah. Had a Ranger. I've met him at a couple of car shows. Geo Metro, baby, somebody said. Yeah, I remember the metrosos. I wanted one of those And the Dodge Neon, I wanted one of those too

I ended up with the Civic You did right You did all right with that Civic I was talking to us It's so easy but I got to go ahead Anyway a listener texted in to say Le car Le Sucked

Yeah it was a tiny little thing What were you saying? I forgot It must not have been that important I forgot Must have been a lie What's that? No I don't think

You know how it is Like there's times where it just immediately because I'm paying attention to what's being sad. Well, no, when I was a kid, whenever I was in the middle of a sentence, and then I would say, oh, I forgot where I was going with that. My mother would say, well, that it must have been a lie. It was a joke, Ashley.

Don't look so upset. No, I'm concerned that that happened to you. Somebody says here, they sent a picture? Oh, yeah, they got an L. Ooh, looks like a lowered S-10. You had one of those. And that thing was cool, man. I didn't make it a low rider, but yeah, I had a nice S-10.

That was a really, that's probably the best-looking S-10 I'd ever see. I loved my Chevy pickup, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never, I can't say that I have any grudges against any maker model. I've had a good time. I don't give a rat's ass who you are. I'll drive your vehicle. Somebody says here, my first car was a 93-G-O-Metro convertible. Top speed, 73-hour downhill.

I didn't know they made a convertible. That's great. Seventy-3. Down hill. Cheers. Big fat Cheezis says, is smaller junk required to buy a Ranger Raptor, just like a full-sized Raptor?

I'm fine with any of the... I love those big trucks. I'm fine with whatever you want to say. You and I are backers of the big, F-me-running, jacked-up, souped-up, loud, obnoxious pickup truck. We are. I dig the vibe.

There's, I mean, I've been looking for vehicles that have manual transmissions. I kind of missed that. I've had a Dodge that had one of those. Remember the story about the guy at the Wives at the Legion who drove the Super Duty low rider? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, God.

I want a Super Duty. Pulled into the, what do they call it in the business when you have a building and then you put your car there. I call it a garage. No, no, no. It's a public place. Parking garage? Parking lot.

Oh, I pulled into the Legion one morning for breakfast, and there's a Ford Super Duty lowrider in the parking lot. I don't care when I went and sat down. Usually I know everybody in the joint, but I can't deny. I kind of looked around to try to figure out, well, who's driving a... But it quickly left my mind, because I don't really care. But, you know, there are some hard-ons who hang out there, who are engaged in these pickup truck rivalries

that we have so much fun with on the radio show and they'll critique what you do to your pickup. So anyway, totally quiet in the bar. It's early. Everyone's just having breakfast. Some hard-on I know, Nick is the name. He walks in, he's got no shame. He don't care.

First thing he says when he walks in the bar, who the F's out there turned a frigging super duty into a frigging lowrider? No one raised their hand because they're like, Total strangers challenging my... He wanted to know who the hell would turn a super duty into a lowrider. Not many. No.

I thought it took balls. I mean, that's coming back to lowriders. I was talking to a Ford guy. Actually, I think at our promotion, and they were saying the low riders, there's enough demand that Ford was going to come out with a low rider that was stock. And I haven't seen it yet. I wonder if that was legit. Yeah, the S-10 with the ZR-2 off-road package.

That's what you had. Yeah, listener texted in about that. Those are cool, man. We've got to get moving. PT Cruiser, somebody says. What a pile they go on to say, Bruising Island. I have a buddy who had one. Nobody liked the PT Cruiser.

Purple PT Cruiser. Oh, that's incredible. Our opening break, of course, brought you by Hogbauer Automotive. It's not how much you... It's not how much. I almost screwed up the slogan, and I'll hear about that from... I'll hear about that from Tiny and Donnie. It's not how much, it's how much you...

got over there at Hogbauer 3rd avenue and main street and by the way maybe a little bit later on this morning we can talk more about hogbauer automotive yeah yeah we just found out some pretty cool news yesterday we'll let you know a little bit later hey Josh what it's more like ptt loser um real quick before we exit one of our regular listeners bawdette fishing guy jesus has texted in early early and he's uh making it official it's just you're early morning check-in. He's got the day off. He says he's going to listen to the show, day drink,

and mow the lawn. And just to turn the screws a little further, he says it is a zero-turn mower, Josh. Oh, lucky. That's great. Sounds like a great day. Just the other day he texted in. I'm glad he's got a day off

because just the other day he texted in and said he just can't wait for the summer to be over. He's a fishing guide and he's tired of you amateurs ripping the lips off all those wall eyes up in Baudet. He's ready to. go on vacation. So he's got the day off. We appreciate you checking in anyway. And all of us who have checked in and chimed in on cars, we dig your, we dig your vibe. Thanks for being there. We'll take a break. We'll do the stupid news here in a few minutes.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

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These players are battered and exhausted, but you don't hurt like this if you don't care about this team, about this country, about this game. I think you can feel the intensity. The goals, the energy that, wow, look at us. Here in the U.S., I have got some. for you. There's so much more to come. My name is Megan Klingberg and we're just getting

started. The U.S. Soccer podcast presented by Henkel. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. I'll be right there. Well, they say, Josh, if you shake it more than once, you're playing with it. Oh, yeah, I've heard that. At the

urinal. All right. I just said to make a little noteskey. Yeah, you know, like the good Americans that we are, we got to talking about cars, pickup trucks, this and that. And a lot of times, when we get to talk in cars, hatred creeps into the conversation, the rivalries. Your car sucks, my car rules. I like that kind of stuff, but I do get a little nervous at times you're going to say the wrong. By your, I mean, me, going to say the wrong thing and piss somebody up.

right. Josh, who gives a rat to ask if you piss somebody off? I do. I don't want to piss anybody off. I don't care. People can just be pissed off at the littlest thing, so I'm not too worried about it. I am. You know, your pickup blows, my pickup totally rocks.

You know, a couple people in our listening audience, just straight up hate city people who drive big old pickup trucks. They say, if you're not a country type of a person who actually uses that big, fat-ass pickup for farm work and such. You're just a poser bitch. Oh, I'm a poser bitch. Oh, absolutely. How am I supposed, how are we supposed to get our trailer anywhere?

Sounds like the kind of question that a poser would ask, yeah? I am 100, I will admit, I love those big vehicles. We were talking about just a second ago, like a super duty would be great. An F-350, I've been texting back and forth with a listener named Joe, but one of those. I am not the guy that needs any of those large vehicles. One gal texted in and said, you know, as a country girl, I loathe city pickup drivers. I hear you.

I understand what you're saying. You bitches are no good. I'll throw myself under the lifted pickup truck even further. Outside of when I landscaped, I've only towed something twice in my entire life. Yeah. So when they talk about like, yeah, this thing is. can tow 6,000 pounds. I don't even pay attention to that because I know I'm not going to tow something.

Outside of when we moved, I towed a little utility trailer to, like, move our couch. Let me tell you something, Cubby. That's kind of crazy to me. The fact that you don't use it for anything that it's intended for. Nope. Let me tell you something, Cubby. You're all right in my book. Yeah, I love them.

You're all right. When I got my most recent car, it's a Jeep, the guy was gilling all of these features about off-road mode and this and that. And I told them, that's great. I appreciate you explaining these features to me, but if I'm ever using the off-road mode, it's because I'm being chased by terrorists or something. There's no way I would ever take this off the road

unless something awful was happening to me. Yeah, that's useful because you live in Minnesota, getting in ditches and stuff. That's the only thing I think about, like, for those is, like, I want something where, because a lot of times we go in and it hasn't really been plowed as much, you know, as it would be later in the morning. so I want to get to work.

But yeah, if I got like, if I had the money to get a TRX or a Raptor, I'm not going to be jumping any dunes. I'm not going to do anything it's designed to do. I know I'm a poser. I just love those big vehicles. Here's a listener by the name of Intermediate Jesus, who said people who drive trucks on only city streets, we call them pavement princesses.

Oh, yeah, that's me. Citiates. Yep. All right. I qualify. for all those things. Here are some other messages that were dumped into our laps

from that hurtful Luther Bloomington Kia text line. 651, 989, 93, if you want to try to hurt somebody, hurt their feelings. One listener says, Sophisticated people drive Toyota pickups.

Smooth-brained Neanderthals drive Ford, Chevy, or Dodge. I had a couple of tundras. All right. Oh, I had a tundry. I thought it was terrific. All ram drivers, Josh. Josh drives one of those big old rams. We got this conversation started because for the second consecutive year, statistically speaking, Dodge ram drivers are the worst drivers on the road. They have high numbers for accidents. High statistics for DWIs, this, that. So I got two buddies that got DWIs in their Rams. So I can confirm that. Tang. All ram drivers can catch are bass.

Here starts another one. Another listener is texted in to say, Cadillac is life. You pores just don't understand. I heard those are fun, man. I heard those are great rides. Like driving a comfy couch everywhere you go. Until you got to bring them in.

Until you got to bring him in for a repair, Ashley says. I swear. It was so much, so often. It's insane. We got to talking about the old Asuzu trooper. One way or the other, we did. One of our listeners drove a trooper, and he called it his Troop de Ville. Cool.

Which is very cute. The PT Cruiser came into the conversation. One listener says this. He says, my brother bought his wife a PT cruiser right when they came out. She refused to drive it. They returned it. I'm blinking on what that is. She bought, a car was bought for her by her husband.

And she just said straight up, no, I will not drive it. You would talk about a princess. You'd turn that in, too, Ashley? No, you would not if it was gifted to you by your friggin' husband. All right. Is it completely paid off or are we still paying payments? It's paid off and you also get $10,000. All right.

I'll take it. Speaking of all this car stuff, we can talk about this. What's happening to my left here. Can we not, Josh? Actually, I think that's preferred. Yes. Our promotions department was nice enough to come into our garbage studio and pin up a couple of t-shirts on the wall that will be available at the Minnesota State Fair at our merch booth. At the little black box that rocks is what they call it.

At the state fair, at the 93x tent, come what next Thursday? You can get your hands on these brand new Hog-Bower Automotive T-shirts, and they are good-looking shirts. There's a suggested retail price of $25, but what's the truth, Nick? Well, it's not how much, it's how much you got. So there will be some bartering.

If any representatives of Hog-Bower Automotive are present at the fair, you know they're going to try to get more than $25 out of you for one of these t-shirts. And to keep it in vehicle terms, that's the suggested MSRP, but we could mark them up if we wanted to. Right. Hogbauer Automotive again sponsors today's show. Third Avenue in Main Street. Say hello to Donnie. Say hello to Tiny if you're heading off to Hogbauer today. But we've got two different styles of Hogbauer T-shirts that will be available at the fair. I think I'm going to buy them both. Same with that. I'm going to buy them.

Did you mention the hat? Did you mention the hat? Not yet. Yeah, that's one of the cooler hats we've ever had, I think. Well, it's our first ever half-ass morning show hat. Yep, definitely. It's our first hat, but certainly for the state. There's been some really cool hats, I think. I got a few of them. I've held on to my 93X hats because I've really liked them. They do a good job with those.

This is our first ever half-ass morning show, baseball cap, and that will also be available at the fair. Show up, buy something, and get the hell out. We know for sure that we will be hanging out at the merch booth on the first Saturday of the fair, which will be the 29th, and I think we're slated to be there from 1 to 3. in the afternoon. And then we'll also be sneaking in on the second Friday right after the show is over.

We can give you a heads up on that when we get closer. But I'm pretty proud of these. And the folks at Hogbauer are very proud of these new t-shirts. It's not how much. It's how much you got. All right. On to the stupid news report. Ah, the sweet release of death.

I've heard Cubby over there mention how at times he dreams of the sweet. release. Come on, come on, hurry up. Sure, a few people might be a little bothered on the day that you check out, but for you, Josh, for the dead guy, all your problems are over. You're off the hook. At least that's one way to look at it. Here's a gal who upped and died. She did. And then she came back to life. And she has sworn to take vengeance on all of us. No, I'm kidding. She's not coming to get us, but she has a hell of a story to tell. A day or two ago, 54-year-old gal collapsed in the parking lot of her neighborhood grocery.

There she goes. Downskies. Flatline. Dead. Her dad was with her at the time. My damn, that must have been terrifying. The staff at the grocery hopped into the mix quicker than a hiccup. They tried to slap her back to life.

Wasn't working. eventually a regular schmuck who happened to be in the parking lot at the time at the time that this gal fell out some regular dick he jumped in and made with the chest compressions and such and by God the gal started breathing again outstanding that happened at my wife's work someone checked out somebody brought him back yeah an older guy he was swimming and then all of a sudden, you know, he went down.

Yeah. They pull him out of the pool and he was officially dead. They just kept working on him and he came back. So my wife had to, you know, put his wallet back in his pocket and put all his jewelry back on him. She didn't know he's going to come back. But yeah, he came back, luckily. God, it makes you wonder why those old folks love being in the pool so damn much.

I mean, the last time I got into a pool, I went to one, two, three, four, you know, strokes and don't get cute with that. and I was exhausted. I don't know how the old folks can handle it in that pool. So this guy went right down to the bottom, but they brought them back, huh? Yeah. Luckily, it actually happened a couple times there.

So again, this gal drops dead in the grocery store parking lot. Luckily, some dude who knew the ins and outs of, what the hell do they call that, resuscitation, he brought her back. So here comes the ambulance. Off to the hospital they go. Now, here's where things. get silly.

So the gal and her dad left their car behind in the grocery store parking lot. You know, worry about that later, right? While the gal who had the near-death experience recovered in the hospital, her dad or somebody went back to get her car. And when they got there, there was an $80 parking ticket under the windshield wiper. Oh, that is hilarious and cold-blooded. This is worse than death. Boy, it's been a while since I got a parking ticket.

I sure used to have a lot of them. You got a lot of tickets overall. Yeah. I dated a girl. She went to St. Cates, and I would go visit her. What is that? College. Oh, yeah.

Catholic College. What's so funny about Catholic College? I bet she was an animal, right? Well, no, I just remember I dated a girl who went to St. Cates too. remember they had a policy where if you were going to visit a dorm as a man, if you're going to visit your girlfriend in a dorm, the door had to be open and your feet

had to be on the ground at all times. Oh, really? No way. Josh has a question. Josh has a question. What if I'm more than a man? What if I'm even more than your regular man? What about this gal from St.

Kate's? I had so many St. Kate's parking tickets. It was outrageous. Yeah, you didn't know where to go? I had to rent a storage facility basically just to store You had to, you had no time to figure out, you know, a legal parking spot. You had to get in the... I'd go put my feet on the floor. You can still make it work with your feet on the floor, Dana.

100%. You had to race up into her dorm room is how you say it, so the two of you could close-mouth kiss. Yeah. If we were feeling a little extra frisky. I wanted to go there so bad. I didn't end up working out financially. But when I, like, toured the campus, I remember...

I felt so stupid, but like everyone around me seemed like a, I don't know, like a good girl. Like they weren't smoking weed or like tobacco or anything like that. And I asked, like, they all had their parents with them. I felt weird. I didn't have my parents with me. All right. But I asked them during the tour, like, if you could smoke on campus. And the looks I got for asking that were, I was like, what?

And at that time, it was 18 plus. So I was like, what? No one else here smokes? St. Cates. Never heard of the junk. Yeah. St. Catharines.

Never heard of them. St. Catharines. Have you heard that? Nope. So, Gail dies in the parking lot. They take her to, they bring her back to life. They take her to the hospital. And when her dad comes back to get her motor vehicle,

there's an $80 parking ticket under the freaking, under the windshield wiper. I actually would have thought it would be more. Like parking tickets. I know a couple people that got one recently. It was Minneapolis. so maybe that's different. It was like a hundred bucks.

Something crazy like that. After the old man made a telephone call to the city or whoever and explained that his daughter had died earlier that day and was then resurrected, the fine wasn't waived altogether. Somebody should have came and moved the car. But whoever was in charge, they went ahead and reduced the fine to $30. They still should have wiped that out. They should have.

I mean, there was somewhat reasonable, but, What's she supposed to do? Dad said he found the whole situation offensive, but he did pay the fine. Now, the grocery store heard about this and credited the almost dead gal 30 bucks at their store to make her feel better about it. That's great.

Yeah. And this is fun, on a side note. The owner of the grocery store, Josh, is named Steve McLean. Oh, I like that. Yeah, that's cool. I love the New Zealand accent. I think just because of Flight of the Concords.

I don't know why. Did you watch that show? I only saw it once or twice. Did you like it? I thought it was hilarious. Okay, I was going to say, it seems like something you'd really like. I love when they did the roll call. Those guys were really funny.

I really loved the show, but you know how I'm wired. I watched it once or twice and loved it, and then I just couldn't find it. I couldn't remember what channel it was on. I understand. It does seem like something you'd like. I thought it was quite brilliant. Didn't they sing a lot of songs in what? Yeah, they were a group.

Sang a lot of songs. I probably would have just paid it. I'm lazy. I don't want to call. Yeah, sure. I would have probably paid it as well. It would have been pissed off, but I'd rather just get it over with. Yeah.

Oh, we've been talking a lot about driving this morning. We have cars and whatnot. Be careful when you're driving your automobile. As I mentioned already once today, Josh is a wonderfully skilled driver. Stop it. And I'm glad you're wired. like that. We've got enough childlike hard-ons out there on the road who act like they've got

something to prove as far as, okay, further driving statistics now this morning. I didn't even realize when we were talking about driving earlier. I didn't realize we would come back to it here, but here's some more driving statistics for you. We hear a lot about drunk driving, for good reason. Drunk drivers are jagoffs. But this took me by surprise. It says here, a Harvard study, well... That's fancy. Ha, ha, ha, ha. They've never heard of St. Catherine's either over at Harvard.

No, too below that. Probably not. A Harvard study found out that traffic fatalities increase by 15% on days when big groups and singers release a new record. That's really interesting. So I was thinking, like, if I've ever had some issues when an album came out, and I have. I've had a couple tickets where there was a new album. I was listening to it at crazy volumes.

Seal. The pedal just went to. Seal was a big one for me. Yeah, good luck, stay in the speed limit when you're listening to Kiss from a Rose. I don't think that's going to happen. But Iron Maiden was one for me. Skid Row, a few others. Sometimes that thrash metal will cause me to go a few more miles per hour than I'm used to.

Is it partly because people are trying to find the new album on their phone while they're driving? I'll tell you what, Ashley, I got all that inflammation right here. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. It's a good question. Good question. Okay. They say big timers like Taylor Swift and Beyonce and the spin doctors. When they release a record, your typical highway can turn into a death race.

This is the Harvard folks talking now. don't you dare question their arithmetic. Album releases, they say, cause a rise in smartphone use. So this falls under the category of distracted driving. Folks are finger-banging their cellular telephones behind the wheel to try to download the new Rod Stewart record, and they're not paying attention, and they crash, and they die.

Oh. What album would be worth it for you? to die behind the wheel. Die behind the wheel. So you're more or less asking me the perfect record. In my mind, what's the perfect record? God, there's so many possibilities.

The possibilities are endless. But the first thing that came to mind is probably my very first favorite record. And it's still, to this day, is one of my favorite records because I think it's truly a masterpiece, and that's Kiss Destroyer. That'd be worth it? Yes.

If I'm just at the ass end of the record, I think the final song is Do You Love Me? If you let me get through that full, and then, boom, I'm happy to die with that record in the background. Do you love me? I do. Yeah, there's a few that come to mine. You really like my limousine. You like the way the wheels roll. You like my seven inch.

Leather heels. Paul Stanley, do you love me, 1976. I missed the Tribute Act rock and roll all night. They were fun. They were so good, also deaf replica, talented guys. Rust in peace would be one for me. Oh, wow. No rest for the wicked.

That's the one that came to mine first. Operation Mind Crime. So what the Harvard researchers did, they focused on the release of 10 major albums that were dumped upon the general public between the years of 20 and 17 and 20 and 22. The records that had the highest number of Spotify streams, whatever that means.

They use these three examples. A Taylor Swift record, a Drake record. Oh, you're a Drake fan, right, Ashley? No. Oh, is it the other guy? Well, I used to be a Drake fan. I mean, like, I still listen to some of his music, but if you're talking about like the Kendrick versus Drake,

Kendrick Lamar all day. Okay. I had you on the wrong side. And they also mentioned some sissy by the name of Harry Styles. Those were the three records. It's a big deal. Then they simply looked at the number of traffic fatalities on the dates those albums were released, as well as the 10 days on either side of the release date.

Do you follow that, Josh? And yeah, fatal car crashes went up during that window of time. That's something I never would have considered, but I guess it makes sense. You know, how old school I am in everything. possible way. When I first read this, I thought what they were referring to was you find out that the new Rod Stewart record is out and you race to the record store and get into a car accident. It's a different day and age. I'm remembering that no one really goes to the record store anymore to buy there. More anxiety than Hare Jesus says the album that would be worth dying for, Slip Knotts,

Iowa. Mm. And here's what you were referencing a minute ago, Josh. about how you get behind the wheel with your new Megadeth or Iron Maiden record, and it gets you all psyched. And you go a little. Researchers also said that new high-energy music degrades the driving performance of the average schmuck. And just a warning.

Be careful Europe fans. With all this knowledge now, be careful fans of the legendary rock group Europe. They have a new record coming out on September 4th, Josh. They do. Have you heard anything from it yet? No. I got to see if they've released a single. With Joey Tempest on lead vocals.

Nothing wrong with that. When lights go down. That was some surprising statistics right there. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Can you even believe it? Hey, now that was a nice win for the Minnesota Twins last night. I was frigging impressed.

I bitched a little bit yesterday. Even though they won game one of the series over the Braves, I bitched a little bit yesterday about how it was a boring baseball game. Last night, another low-scoring game, but I was not bored at all. I was impressed. We thought maybe these guys were going to roll over and die now after the ass end of that Phillies series. They got balls on this ball club.

They do. They win 4-1. Josh Bell had a great effing game. He's had a great year. Zebby Matthews was strong. They'll wrap her up today. Day game. They've already won the series,

but let's see if we can sweep this pig. They got a day game today with Tosh Bradley pitching. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy.

So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.