93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Put Down the Dildo

Episode Date: October 2, 2026

Originally Aired October 2, 2026: Billy the kid. Ma, the meatloaf! Everything you've ever wanted to know about famous punchable faces.  Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys blow the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standardheating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93X and save a big double nickel.

Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. The 93X half-assed morning show. As the young kids have been saying lately, let's get it started in here.

We may as well kick it in the ass. Get this here Friday F-Off broadcast started. On the 93X half-ass morning show, thanks everyone for tuning us in. Thank you very much. Covey, I got to tell you, I didn't expect to make her into work this morning. What happened? By God, I had a hell of a scare. Hell of a scare.

Here's the deal. What was it? I was a loading up to leave the house. 4.30. About an hour and 15 minutes ago. Around 4.30 in the morning, I'm loading up to leave the house to drive on over to this nightmare. Pitch dark in the house. And I'm wandering around.

and suddenly headlights come a rushing up my driveway. Oh, that would freak a guy out. 4.30 in the morning. Yeah, that's not right. That's an emergency, or you don't subscribe to the newspaper, I'd imagine. Here's what I thought. I thought, oh Christ, they've finally gathered enough evidence, and the effing feds are here to take me away.

Because who the hell comes rushing up your driveway at 4.30 in the morning, other than John Law. Yeah, or the newspaper guy or some psychopath. I thought they've finally got the evidence that they need, and I'm going away for a long, long time. I told myself, you know, I said, I gave myself a little pep talk, like, okay. It's all right.

You knew this day would come, be a man about it. Don't cry, don't scream, and don't say a word to the feds until you have a lawyer. I mean, my heart was racing. But in the end, you know who it was by God? Who's that? It was the you ordered something off the internet delivery man. Oh, yeah.

That was my guess. Dude, I've had them come at strange hours before where I thought, well, that's like two in the morning. What are you doing? Why did they do that? You can sometimes you can. shoes, right? It'll say, hey, here's some delivery windows. I always pick the later one just so they don't have to get up as early. I hope I'm doing somebody a favor. Well, as you know,

I do not have the skill set to order anything off of the internet. Obviously, my wife had ordered some things. She didn't say one way or the other to expect them at 4.30 in the morning. She didn't say, hey, I'm expecting a delivery before the friggin' sun comes up. And it's a regular car, right? The third party contractor. And it was a fancy car. Again, more evidence, at least in my mind, that this was the federal authorities coming to take. It was a fancy black SUV type vehicle like you see in the room. That's government stuff. Like a government vehicle. So no, it was the, you ordered something off the internet delivery man. And I said to myself, once I called him, I had to sit down and have like a big tall glass of water. I was sweating. And I asked myself,

since when do these pecker heads start pulling up at 4.30 in the morning? You know, if this is 20 years ago, that could have been an angry boyfriend or husband after they found out what you'd been up to at pobs and Andover. That would have been my greatest fear 20 years ago. It's really weird you bring this up because I'm also very relieved to be here today. I got, well, I shouldn't say I got, I nearly got swept up in a sting operation last night.

I thought I was going away myself. Well, you're the type. You're the shady type who gets, get some self-involved in derelict behavior, no question about it. So it's odd we have a similar experience. I was asked by a guy yesterday if I'd used my weed flamethrower yet. And I excitedly said why, yes, I have. Oh, you have?

Yeah, I've used it. I used it. But then I remembered the gentleman that asked me his question, he's a firefighter. And I think that might be entrapment. Because I couldn't remember if they're really allowed or not, or if it's city by city, what the rules are. Oh, I never even thought. Uh-oh.

Isn't the deal, if you're a firefighter, they got to tell you? Right so you don't incriminate yourself? You can't ask a question of that when you know you're a firefighter. I might incriminate myself with the answer. It was entrapment. You were approached by a firefighter, asked you about your flamethrower, and you thought for sure this was a setup. He's going to come and take it away. Immediately afterwards, after I excitedly told him I had, then I thought, oh, wait a minute, I'm telling that to a firefighter,

and I wonder if he's trying to trick me here. Is there some political candidate that wants to run on the fact that I took down Bittany? I took down the Egan bad boy himself. If you want to save your Egan, you put me in office. Yeah, the North Egan arsonist. Yeah. I didn't even think about that when I purchased my flame thrower. I didn't even think about city ordinances and things like that.

So honestly, there are some towns who don't want that type of thing in the hands of mere mortals. I'm not sure because, you know, some places you can't burn leaves, right? And I don't know what the rules are. I grew up in Minneapolis and you couldn't. And maybe that's changed. I think that's fairly widespread. Lawn clippings and leaves and things like that. There's plenty of cities you can't.

Right. I mean, you smell it all the time, which I enjoy. Yeah, I do like that smell. Yeah, I don't know what the rules are. So then I kind of wondered, like, I wonder if he's going to mess with. As soon as I answered, I'm like, I wonder if there's a rule against that. I didn't get busted, obviously. I'm still here.

and I was ready to bring out that defense that, well, you're a firefighter, you were supposed to tell me. Right. Yeah, I'll tell you right now, Cubby, when that vehicle came up the driveway, lit up the house with his headlights, that was enough to scare a guy, half to death. Yeah, I've had that happen. As that kid said in the video about how his grandpa lets him use the remote after they watched the power ball, it scared me, half to death. I've got the alert on the camera going, hey, there's somebody here that shouldn't be here

at three something in the morning. The good news is we have our bananas and it looks like a new pair of women's shoes. Oh, that's great. I was about to ask if you knew what was so important that it had to get there at 3.30 in the morning. It was bananas and shoes. I got a scare the other day too because we have one of those doorbell camps and I go outside the front door. The operating system must have updated it because all of the sudden it talks now, I walk by it goes, you are being recorded.

Caution. And when you're not expecting that when you're walking out your front door like you do every day, that'll get you in the middle of the night in the pitch black. Wait a minute. Your camera says that? Yeah. Says caution, you are being recorded. I haven't heard that.

Now, ours, so any swinging D that walks onto your front step, here's that little statement. See, I bought the more expensive model. Mine actually gets into more detail. Mine will say, you've put on a few pounds. You should run now because it looks like you could use the exercise. I didn't recognize you, fat boy. One time I walked up on a friend's front step, Josh,

and their security doorbell camera said, you're not the husband. But I went in anyway. Mine when you ring it, you can have a little whimsy and tailor it towards the season. So like right now you might ring my doorbell and be like, it's Halloween, you're psycho. Fun.

What's up there, goofy balls? It'll be a Halloween theme or a Christmas theme. I don't know if there's a Thanksgiving thing. I'm so jealous. I want to buy that exact one because I want to be able to do that. You should send me the link. No, I'm not going to. Goofy balls.

I want to have it to myself. You effing people. So there you go. Yeah, we've all had a little drama, I guess, here lately. Let me ask you a fun question here. When is the last time? The last time you had to go ahead and punch someone.

right in their frigging yaphole. Fifth grade, maybe? Yeah, fifth grade. Any other answers? I have no idea. I guess. You got to remember the last time you punched someone in their yap. We're talking to real fight, not just messing around with pals.

We're talking about... I guess I punched my high school X when I found out he was, like, doing a bunch of shady stuff and, like, using my nude photos for nefarious reasons. Do you mean masturbation? No, no, that would have been fine. That's what they were intended for. No, he was like sharing them online. Oh, are you serious?

I remember that story. That is absolutely awesome. Yeah. That's what made it even more fun. So he deserved it. That's what made it even more funny that you thought nefarious reasons was jacking off. To your significant others nude photos?

Why do you have those in the first place? Yeah, that's sick. No, the nefarious, how did you say it? The nefarious activities or whatever that way. Yeah, he was sending. them to people without Ashley's permission. Dana, the last time... On the internet?

That's a frigging crime. I know. I realized that later in life. Like, oh, I should have reported you to the police. The last time you had to... Pupah! Age of 18. You said Agent 18?

Age of 18. The age, you could say when I was 18. Anyway, so, yeah, long time ago. Been a while. What was the reason? Oh, yeah. How come you punched someone in the gap when you were the age of 18? Oh, we're in the dorms, and that's just mess around St. Cloud State.

But it was a fight? Yeah. Kids get pissing each other. I did see a lot of fights start that way, right? Where you kind of horsing around. Somebody goes a little too hard, and then all of a sudden it's a real brawl. I was a hothead. I used to getting fights constantly up until about fifth grade.

I don't know why. I'm so different now. I thought we were going to say up until I was like 25. I wish I would have stayed, Josh. That would be fun. No, my mom said... You guys should have seen me between kindergarten and fourth grade. That's real bad. That's not what I'm saying.

I know. That's... Yeah, my... Right. If you want to mess with me, let's go back to 1985, and I'll kick your butt. Hey, dude, who would you never mess with? Oh, I don't know, like Mike Tyson, John Claude Van Dam. What about you? You should have seen this Josh kid between kindergarten and fourth grade. He didn't want to...

That's about right. I can't remember... exactly how long ago it was. It must have been 20 years ago. Was this after you were in St. Cloud? Have you been in a... Oh, yeah. Well, 20 years ago, I was 35 years old. Between 15 and 20 years ago, a guy started in on me at a bar gig.

Big crowd. I was introducing a live band. Touched. Oh, those guys are great. Yeah. God, I miss seeing that band live. Yeah. We used to see them around all the time.

They were so effing good. You know, we did so many bar gigs back in those days, and I wasn't always terribly pumped about some of the bands. But every once in a while, I would do a gig with touched or slow children or Gemini, and I just had so much fun. Those guys played my style of music, and they were just such nice guys. You know, got a little relationship going. We had some good nights.

So I get up on stage. And there's this obnoxious pot-bellied, dirty-looking drunk who can't shut up. You know, he wants to jawjack me while I'm up there. All I'm basically doing is, you know, it wasn't a comedy show. I'm trying to, as the bar, this was at, did I mention this yet? It was at, what's the name of the joint down there in Apple Valley? Bogart. Bogart.

Thank you. I didn't mention that. It was at Bogart's. And all I'm basically doing is saying, coming up next Friday will be Gemini and coming up next. And then Saturday is the meat raffle, right? I'm just doing what the bar asked of me, reading off their schedule. You know, mention a couple of drink specials, whatever's going on that night. Oh, mention that I have some tickets to be given away when the band goes on break. I'm from 93X, all that crap.

And this little potbelly little bastard. he won't, he's hammered off his ass, hammered, won't shut up. And so finally, I kind of lost my cool. And I said, oh, you want to be part of the show? Fine, what's your name, right? And now he doesn't know what to do, right? He didn't expect that I would, you know, turn on him and make him the focus of this stage announcement.

So he doesn't really know what the hell he's supposed to say or do. And the crowd got kind of a kick out of that. And I made some kind of comment about the woman he was sitting. with. Not rude. I think I might have asked him like, so anyway, who's your girlfriend? Who's this woman you're with to try to steer the conversation in a different direction? And he says, drunkenly, well, that's not my girlfriend. And I said, well, then who is it? And he says, it's my mother. Which was a trick. So now the crowd, there's a big crowd pop. And now, yes, I did pick on him.

You know, he's the one who started it. I picked on him for it being Saturday night. He's a 40-year-old guy, and he's at a frigging rock concert with his mother. So, yes, I did close the whole operation by picking on him. He deserved it. I got him good. And I walked away. Two hours later, I'm walking out the bar, and guess who's following me to my car?

A little stubby. And he's just, I mean, he's a wreck. He's so hammered. And he's doing the whole, you know, you want to talk trash a couple hours ago. Let's see you to do it now, right? Now we're face to face, right? And I said, come on, go back in the bar with your friggin' mom and get hammered.

And the idiot takes a swing at me, and I pop. I jabbed them right square in the yap. Here's what backfired on me. He had a cigarette in his mouth. Oh. I kind of took that cherry right. to, ooh, the couch. Oh, that stings, man.

I took that cigarette cherry right to one of my knuckles. I kind of, I put that kind of like push the cigarette into his mouth. But the best part about it, Covey, is when I socked him, it was, you guys have seen this before, when a tiny little baby is just learning to walk, and it kind of stumbles backwards and just lands perfectly on its ass. You know what I'm talking? When they go, pip, pip, down onto their bottom. That's what happened to him. He kind of went, beep, beep, beep, down onto his fat ass. Was it pathetic enough where you kind of felt bad for him at that point?

I didn't feel bad for the guy. No. You know, he's, and then a cop pulls in, of course. Cops saw the whole thing. Cops saw the whole thing. And I said, I'm sorry. And once the cops saw, my bad. Once the cop saw how intoxicated this guy was, he said, just go ahead, you know.

But that was a long time ago. God, that felt good, though. Question? Yes. Did you ever pull any tail out of Bogarts? Yes. Follow-up question. Was one of them my wife?

I don't want to answer that question. I knew you were going to ask if one of them was your wife, and I at least have no interest in answering this question on it. Now, I've got to remember, because when I said question, you said yes. So you gave me permission to ask. When I said follow-up question, did I get permission to ask? You can ask, but I'm not answering that question on the radio. Okay.

Where will you? answer on television? I'm happy to confront this subject with you and I in, you know, just in private. All right. But you're asking me if I could have possibly... You said you pulled some action out of Bogarts. My wife worked at Bogart's, probably around that time. Yes, she did. And it was around that time. And she's a loose woman with very few morals. All of what you're saying so far is true. Did you ever fornicate with my wife is what I'm asking? So the reason why I bring up I don't want to do this now. You're right.

This is we go out to dinner conversation. I don't want to do this. Not now. We'll get some moons over Miami. But I promise you, look at me. I'm looking at you. I promise you that we will get to the bottom of this in private. And before we solve this issue,

in private. I just want you to say, I just want you to know, listen to me, I'm nervous. I just want you to know that I love you. Yeah, I love you too. And maybe you're thinking I'd be bummed by that. This would be so cool for me if we were Eskimo brothers. We're brothers in every other way. Okay, I didn't read that from you.

I read that you were seriously concerned about this, but now that you've said what you said... That's the only thing we don't share. I don't believe we're not Eskimo brothers. Okay, you know that list of things that we've never shared? Oh, no. Take your wife off that list. Yes!

USA! USA! I'm Zepani! We've finally become the closest friends of all time. I don't think you can get any more close after something like that. Outside, if we have a threesome. You should ask her who she liked better. I'm too old for that now.

Okay, now that's something I don't. want to know. I can... What did she say? I said you should ask her who she liked better. I think we all know what the answer would be there. I've never once put myself in that spot with another person. Out for a rip Jesus just texted in, mom and dad are fighting. Not anymore. We're not. We are now closer than ever. What did you say? You've never been in what spot? Does anybody ever use that correctly? Mom and dad are fighting? Oh, I think so. Yeah, I don't know. It seems like it's used incorrectly almost all the time. Um, I think, I think. I see, I.

That was a bonding moment. It sort of sounded for a minute like we were going to have a problem. Oh, no, no, not at all. I misread it myself. So no, mom and dad are not fighting. But yes, I've heard that little joke thrown into situations where it didn't belong. Kind of like people who don't understand what a humble brag is. Yes.

Yeah, right. There are people who don't understand the actual definition of a humble brag. I would say that's up there probably is number one. Society in general, I think, has struggled with that. They have for various reasons. Like somebody might say, man, I make so much money, I'm a total badass. And someone will go, nice humble brag. That's just a brag.

That's a brag. That's about as bragging as a brag could brag. A humble brag in that situation would be like, gosh, I make so much money that my tax rate is out of control. Yeah, that'd be more of a humble brag. Right. You're complaining about how many tax are going to take it out because you allude to how much money you make. I can't believe it took us 27, 28. years before we finally breached that conversation about, you know, your wife and the back in

the Bogart's days. Yeah, I know. I don't know why it took so long. The reason why I brought up the last time any one of us has had to sock someone in their dome giver, the reason why I bring that up, later on this morning we can talk about actors with very punchable faces. actors with very punchable faces. There's some. Tom Cruise. I just want to punch him. Tom Cruise is a great answer.

God, such a stupid face. He does have a dumb face. The smile. He does have a stupid smile. Anyone come to mind for the rest of you? Ashley and I are going to beat the piss out of Tom Cruise. I like the guy, but Glenn Powell, he kind of want to punch him in the face sometimes. I'm not sure I know who Glenn Powell.

Is it because he's so pretty? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. But he just kind of looks like he's got that attitude like he's like the bad guy in an 80s movie. Oh, wait a minute. Speaking of Tom Cruise, he's in a Tom Cruise movie. Glenn Powell, yeah. I forgot what movie it is.

It's the top gun? Yep. Yeah, all right. Yeah, yeah, I know who you're talking about. See, Covey? Yeah, I mean, you guys might not know the name, the actor's name Jack Gleason. And I feel bad about it.

From the honeymooners? No, not Jackie Gleason. They buried him. Jack Gleason. He played Joffrey in Game of Thrones. Really, his name is Jack Gleason. I did not know that. I'm surprised I didn't hear more jokes about that back when Game of Thrones was hot

that this kid's name was Jack Gleason. Jack Gleason, yeah. Oh, I remember you hated that character. Absolutely. You would come to work in a foam. You would come to work in a ball of stress and hatred. And I would ask what's wrong with you? and you would say, I got to get my hands around the neck of this kid from Game of Thrones.

And then I realized, like, how good of an actor he is to make you hate him that much. He didn't stick around long on the show, did? He got killed. No. Yeah. Well, no, he was on for a while. I thought you meant an acting. Yeah, it says like three years, four years, three, four years he was on it.

Really? Oh, okay. So anyway, I got it. Feel free to text us. 651-5-15-1-933. If you got an idea, they're already coming in. And if you got an idea for the actor, what actors have a very punchable face. This is funny.

It's got to be so funny. Just reading these. I'm agreeing so far with almost everything that's been texted our way. See, here's the difference, though, between like Josh's answer, Dana's answer. Ashley and I actually have an opportunity to get this done because, as you know, Tom Cruise spends a lot of his time in Brainer. Oh, yeah. Good point. Let's just post up at his house.

Right. And if you believe that, I got a bucket of dog feces. What's the old saying when people say, if you believe that, I've got a, it doesn't matter. So people are texting in. Oh, somebody said mini-me, that's not right. Well, they buried him too. Feel free to text us about the actor that you believe has the most punchable face. We can cover that later.

Randy Shaver, Brad Reader, Andrew D. Powell. We'll all be part of a conversation that we have beginning at 730 this morning. Stupid news, this, that. Anything else, Covey, you got anything going on this weekend you want us to know about? No, it's going to be easy. I'll be driving some kids around Saturday. It's a homecoming weekend, don't you know? So I'll be taking them between festivities.

What do they do now for homecoming? Way more than we used to do. Yeah, they have a whole week of activities. I was telling Nick off air, they did like a sanctioned dodgeball. game, which I didn't think you were allowed to play dodgeball anymore at school. So it's nice to know that's still around. Well, I'm sure the version that they played was very different than the one that we did. Yeah, you just threw, like they threw a ball. You could only hit their shadow. You can't actually throw it at the person. I'm sure. 2026, Dodgeball is not quite the halacious,

violent scene that it was when we were kids. But yeah, it's funny these days when I hear high school kids talk about homecoming and Valentine's Day and prom and what else do they do at high school. They really go all out. Yeah, it's a big pretty. Well, they're dressing up. They wear the suits and the dresses. Yeah. I didn't remember dressing up for homecoming.

Oh, yeah. Oh, gosh, we dressed up so much. Any opportunity to dress up and some kind of theme and we took advantage of it. Prom was the one you dressed up for. Yeah, you put on a suit. Lots changed. I mean, now what is it? You know, how long you've been out of high school, Ashley?

Ten years or something? Lots change between when Josh and I got out of high school and when you entered high school. Yeah. I mean, when I was a high school kid, homecoming, if I would have raised my hand and asked the principal, what are we going to do for homecoming? He would have said there's a football game. You show up drunk for the football game. And then when the game's over, there's a two-hour dance,

and then you go home. And there's no dressing up or nothing. We would just walk. So it's very different now. The kids, they get a lot of cool things putting their. It's a whole ordeal, a whole week of activity. We would dress up in like just like the theme for the football game, like all of our like spirit or school spirit crap.

And that was fun enough. I don't really get it, but they had a theme of minions. Like from the groom, what are those movies called? Despicable memes. Yeah, despicable me. They had a minion theme. Those are funny. Fair enough.

Banana. Nice. My son brought a couple bananas. Yeah, they go all out now. Back then they used to give us, you know, just a two-hour dance with some 10-cent DJ who played all the wrong music, and you'd show up drunk, and then you'd go home, and homecoming was over. Super Louber Jesus has straightened me out. We were talking about all the free time that Tom Cruise spends in Brainerd.

and super louber Jesus. How do I say that again? Super Louber Jesus said, if you believe that, I have some oceanfront property for sale in Arizona. That's where I was going with that. All right, we've got to take a break. We'll check out the stupid news here. Send us your text.

What actor do you want to punch in the mouth? We'll be right back on the half-ass morning show. 93X. Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show. The winter is coming.

The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys below the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standard heating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93x and save a big double nickel. Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great.

Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees. Maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to BialkiLaw.com. That's BIA-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode WCFB. New customers

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available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Sure. Stupid News Report. Coming up. Any minute now.

But first, oh boy, we had a couple of different conversations going earlier. One of them was about Josh, your son. More importantly, my godson. He and all the little kids at his school, they're celebrating homecoming this week, which is adorable. And we were talking about, my God, the young kids these days, they really, they go all out. Well, at least the school really really. goes out for the young kids when they have things like homecoming and heart week valentine's day whatever they call it a lot bigger deal than it used to be and prom and just um yeah we were provided

nothing um so yeah we talked about prom we talked about homecoming we talked about the valentines day dance this and that a listener texted in and said you forgot all about the enchantment under the sea dance oh yes and i said jesus paul's a lot happened that night you're telling you're telling you me. A lot happened at the enchantment under the sea dance. You know, Biff tried to get rough with Marty's mother. And then, what was the other guy's name? Cal. George. George. He punches Biff. And then the guy carves his hand up with the screwdriver and then Marty had to play the game. Yeah, that solo he played. Incredible song. Johnny B. Go. Wow, you all were there. That's crazy. Well, I was there. I was there. Doc Brown in the car.

I mean, you're right. I don't know how I forgot about the enchantment under the... That was a big deal. We always love it when folks just text in and say hello. 651-551-93-93. A lot of you texted in already about the actor that you believe has the most punchable face. And we'll get to that subject a little bit later on on the show. We started talking about, you know, punching fools in the yapper.

and the question came up, what actor has the most punchable face? A lot of you are texting in about that, and again, we'll address it later. But some of you just text in to say hello, and we appreciate it. Like this message right here that says, Heidi ho, hand jobbers.

I'm going to use that every time I walk into a room now. He goes on to say, it's my friggin' Friday. Let's suck. Today. chili dog, you beautiful bastards. Well, that's wonderful. That's what we're trying to do. That's what we're here to do.

We're here to suck chili dogs. Every day. All right. Back to the kids now as we begin today's report. Back to the young people. I'll tell you right now, Cubby. Not that I got to tell the guy like you, you spend a concerning amount of time with children.

Well. I'll tell you right now. Wait a bit here. they're growing up damn fast they're growing up so damn fast these days that it'll make your here's an example in Michigan

at a daycare center a little toddler pulled a gun on everyone he did and everyone at the shop was sent running for their lives new guys in the corner puking his guts out Now, I don't know Dick about kids.

The story calls this kid a toddler. So what is that age range? Like 2 to 5, 0 to 7? What is a toddler? Anything past 1 until 4, I think. Between 1 and 4. Yeah. That's a toddler.

My son's already considered a toddler, which is nuts because he looks so baby. So yeah, that's the deal. This little tiny, let's go along with what Ashley said, this little tiny kid who ain't even 4 years old yet. he hauled a friggin' loaded handgun out of his backpack this past Monday and sent everyone dive in for the exits. That's too young. Yeah, he gets started early there, I guess. The joint where this happened is called Children's World Early Learning Center.

They could use an editor. Oh, my God, sorry, real quick. A toddler is considered just one to three. Okay. So even younger. We're drawing it back now to three years old. Oh, my gosh. I always picture like a two-year-old as a toddler.

Yeah, right. That's like the picture perfect toddler. I've been smoking since I was two. All right. So now we're all the way down to, okay, so this kid ain't even three years old. And again, the joint is called Children's World Early Learning. There's a video going around of, let's call him Billy the Kid. security video recorded the whole deal.

A grown person working at the shop was able to karate kick the gun out of the hands of Billy the kid. And then the cops raced in and dumped the pepper spray in his eyes. And that dropped him. No one was shot and killed dead, luckily. The cops still don't know. where Billy the kid, they don't know how or where he picked up that loaded handgun. I can tell you this, though.

One of the kids' parents is a cop. The other parent has been arrested. So your guess is as good as mine on what the F is going on over there behind closed doors. Crack rocks, maybe. Could be. Ah, boy, that sucks for everybody involved. Except the kid. I mean, down the road.

Being like, aren't you the guy that brought that gun? I mean, you were like two when you brought the gun to school. Exactly. That kid's setting the tone. He says, you make sure the kindergartner is here about this. I'm coming. You know, like a lot of times you try and have the attitude if something crappy happens that this will be a story someday.

We can look back at this. Someday, this is not going to be as big a deal. Be able to laugh about it. I wonder if this is one of those situations. Not necessarily a laughable moment. You're a police officer. You kind of wonder if that parent's going to lose their gig. I mean, the kid can have a laugh with his buddies his entire life.

Mom and dad, this is not a laughable story. It probably never will be. Not having fun. When this kid's 17 and one of his buddies asked him to tell the story again, he's going to look over his shoulders to make sure mom and dad are out the room because they don't want to hear this story again. Dad's, well, I don't know for sure which one it is. Like I said, one of the kids' parents is a cop.

The other one was arrested. The daycare center made a comment. A lady who worked over there said, at children's world, there was nothing we take more seriously than the safety, security, and the well-being of the children. Look out! He's got a gun!

I hope. She didn't even get through the statement. They put metal detectors on the way to daycare. They also said they're going to start checking backpacks from here on out. Oh, that's so sad. How weird is that? I know. And new guy quit.

Did he? Did he? Did he? Yeah, I got to go through it. Oh, sad. Sad. Sad. The new guy I was telling you about he quit.

Did he clean up after himself? No. Just took off? No, he's out. He said he'd rather go work for his brother-in-law at the friggin' Chrysler plant than have a three-year-old pull a loaded handgun on him when, you know, he's just trying to. Yeah, I picture cops being very, very good controlling their weapons. at home. This particular individual, apparently not.

I guess not. You know what I've always wanted some of that gun concealment furniture. It looks so cool like in John Wick and movies and stuff where I just kind of hit the mantle above the fireplace and then a rifle pops out, something like that.

You hit a button in the couch and a gun pops out. I've seen ones like the picture frame ones. Those are cool. I want those. I got to tell you my daycare center story again it's got to be 25 years ago now where a guy I know and to this day I have no idea

why he was hired to care for children first off I don't know why he sought after the job you know we wasn't like a parent work there and they just brought their kid in to help out no no no he took a job yeah I know that's why because I have a friend who did that and I can't imagine him doing that but his mom ran the place.

She's like, hey, you know, you need a gig, come work at the place with me. As far as I know, he had no connection like that at all. You know, we were around 30 years old or something like that. And he took a job at the neighborhood daycare center. And like I said, still to this day, I have no idea why he took any interest in the job. He didn't have any kids. He wasn't married. He never showed any signs of being interested in caring for children. And I don't know why the hell they hired him. That's what I'm wondering. They must have been desperate just for live human beings. So since he was a he was the new guy, they put him in charge of one child. That child's name was of course Donnie. And I don't know, three, four

hours into his work day. He's playing around on the computer doing nothing. Day one. Love it. Loving this guy so far. And his co-worker walks up to him and says, well, how's Donnie? And he says, who? And she says, where is he? And my buddy says, where's who?

And she says, Donnie, the kid that you're incha? And he says, the kid that I'm in. Oh, Jesus. And he realizes he has no idea where Donnie is. They found Donnie, a toddler around three years old. walking down the highway. Oh, boy. What are you doing, dude?

What are you doing? You have one kid. I've only seen the guy sporadically over the last 30 years. But I know I will run into him again, and I have to finally ask him. You know, he's the one who told me the story, but it was so long ago.

I don't really remember if I grilled him on the whole situation. Next time I see him, I'm going to ask him, number one, why did you want that job? And how in God's name did they hire you? And how quickly did your life flash before your eyes when you realized that you would misplace somebody else's three-year-old? And it was walking down Highway 55.

Wonder what Donnie's up to nowadays. He's running his on daycare center. We're going to lock the doors, everybody. Boy, that freaks me out because now Donnie would be about 33 years old, that kid. I wonder if maybe that kid's a listener. And he says, yeah, that happened. Yeah, wouldn't that be a small world? All right.

For cripe's sake, speaking of family and children and all that, we can keep going this way with our stupid news report. It says here, a big, fat, battery-powered, rotating F-toy ruined a perfectly good family vacation. And we've all been there, right? Here's what happened. A family of idiots went on vacation.

And I call them a family of idiots because you've got to be dumb to choose the far southeastern United States as your top vacation destination. They deserved everything that they got for making that terrible decision. They knew what they were getting into. They knew the risks.

So this family of idiots They go on down to a resort in that neighborhood, the far southeast. The old man, dad, he says their entire family trip to Wally World or whatever it was, was ruined when his three-year-old daughter found a big, fat, battery-powered, rotating dildo in their hotel room. Just for the record, the joint they were all staying at is called Orange Resort. or something, it doesn't matter. This is in a town called Kissimmee. So the old man, by the name of Mike,

he says on night two of their vacation, as my dad used to say, on night two of their vacation, his little three-year-old daughter walked up behind him in the hotel room and said, Daddy, I have a present for you. Wonderful. Uh-oh. And Mike said,

I was expecting to turn around and find something cute. Instead, she upped and handed me a used dildo. Never been lucky enough to find something like that. Never once. I hope that your luck will change someday. Yeah, me too. I'm getting up there. I don't know how much time I got left.

Well, you mean in general? Well, you know, certainly in this situation, but in any situation. Sometimes we'll hear from people that are in the trades. Maybe they're a mover or whatever. garbage man, garbage woman, who say, yeah, we find that stuff all the time. Mm-hmm. Never once. You'll get there.

I don't know. If I don't, will you just set it up and make me think it's real? I was going to think, where can I plant one where Josh will think like, oh, my God, can you believe it? I'm living now. So again, here's Mike the dad with his family on vacation in their hotel room, the daughter, a little three-year-old. Again, someone just texted in and said, well, at least it wasn't a gun. Good point. our last story we had a three-year-old wandering around town with a loaded gun this time it's a dildo his little daughter three-year-old she taps him on the ass and says i got a surprise for you he spins around and she hands him that dildo he slapped it out of her hand he told her to run for her life

mike called the front desk to tell him that there is a giant double-pronged pre-owned rubber pecker in his hotel room, he says they didn't answer the telephone. He had to walk the dildong down to the front desk himself. And he said, look what my kid found in one of your rooms. What's the matter with you people, he said. Yeah, I would obviously gross and you'd worry, what did my kid just get from touching that thing? But knowing that the kid's going to be okay,

I would find that kind of funny. Yeah, then I'd get over it. It wouldn't ruin my vacation. I like picturing this guy. You know, he makes a telephone call. Come get your. Dildo. No one answered the phone. He had to so he's got to carry it into the elevator

and, you know, press the bottom floor and he has to walk up to the front desk carrying this thing. It reminds me of that story Josh and I years ago where we decided to meet at a bar and I beat Josh to the bar. I found my spot at the bar stool and Josh walked into the bar

and he looked upset and he walks right up to the bar manager and Josh has this huge pile of steaming human feces in his hand. It was ridiculous. And he says to the bar manager. He says, what kind of a place are you running? Look what I almost stepped in right outside your front door. Look at it. I got a free drink that night. South of the river, Jesus said, get a job with Mindot for all your found sex toy needs. Trust me. So people are chucking them out the

window or something? Oh. Yeah, sometimes you throw them out the window. I don't eat this one anymore. Yeah, can you imagine if the daughter's like, hey, look, I found this is just like moms. I recognize this. Did mom lose this? Mommy, I found your deal. Anyway, so Mike the dad again, he says the worst part about this whole smear. And don't get fresh with me here. Have some respect for Mike and what's left of his family. Mike says the worst part about the whole deal is that the big, fat, filthy,

secondhand pre-owned vibrating dildo. It killed the vibe of the family vacation. He said the whole trip was ruined at that point. Stop it. The hotel called Mike a few days later and offered him a free stay at their joint in the future and all that, but they dumped a condition on them. They said, you can stay here for free in the future if you keep your big friggin yap shut and don't tell anybody about our dildo. And Mike said, oh, go F yourself. So he's telling everybody about it.

I don't think that would ruin my trip. I would find that kind of funny. Septum Ring Jesus said when he was young, about seven or eight, their family went on a vacation. and he found, now this one is gross. A used condom under the bed. That's a higher level, in my opinion. That's disgusting. I've stepped on one.

It's miserable. Then I picked it up and I brought it to the front desk. Did you see what I stepped in? Just plop it down. What I... I hear you. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't think it would ruin my vacation at all. I think I would find it hilarious, to be totally honest with you.

Mike's a different kind of a guy. He doesn't like that. like pre-owned dildos. I mean, I did, and I get, you know, his kids involved, but the kid doesn't know what's going on. She don't know what the hell's going on. She don't know what that is. Stepping on. Mike's one of those Bible bangers, maybe.

Oh, you know what? Maybe you're right. Yeah. Stepping on a used condom. What did it feel like? It's squishy. You were barefoot. I was barefoot.

That's so messed up. Luckily, I mean, this did make it better that the condom belonged to one of my lifelong oldest friend so it wasn't like a stranger or anything it's just I was trying to find a silver lining somewhere to be honest oh really I was at least I knew the source I thought that that dude I mean you would just you have to beat his ass after that like you just have to well what made it worse is I looked over and so we were sharing a hotel room and he was laying on top of his bed completely nude oh really wasn't a fun morning you got the whole experience that night we so mad we became I saw more than I wanted to see.

How was the Continental Breakfast the next day? I stayed away from anything with cream in it. I bet you did. I remember a pal. I had a roommate for a stretch of time. And one morning he's hollering for me to come into his room. And I knew that he had a woman in his room that night. And they were doing just unthinkable things to each other.

That much I knew. thin walls. But he's hollering at me to come into his room. And when I did, he pointed at his window sill. And he said, tell me what you see. And what I saw was a perfect circle. That was the shape. It had eaten away all the paint on the windowsill, this perfect circle.

And I said, well, what's that? And he said, well, that's where I put the condom after I threw this gal into the tall grass. And the two of us being young and stupid as balls, we both thought, oh my God, this woman is nuclear with STDs, right? You had sex with her, you put the condom on the window sill, and it ate away all the paint. So we thought, my God, you just, you just had sex with the most, uh, check your penis, man. Right. But in the end, we figured it was probably the, what do they call that stuff? Spermicide. Yeah. That's probably, what? We thought that he had

Oh, I think that at first do. He had hours to live. School busing Kai Jesus said he found a used tampon on a school bus shoved between the seat and the wall of the bus while he was cleaning the pass on. Shut off. Sometimes the driver gets company

after hours, you know what I mean? All right. Here's something with a local vibe to it. A website called Rackett, I believe. They upped and interviewed a lady around here that put quote hundreds of copies of the movie

Wedding Crashers the DVD she put hundreds of copies of the movie Wedding Crashers she put them into one of those little free library boxes that you see in neighborhoods and whatnot do you know what I'm saying? Yeah why does she want everybody to watch this movie so bad I guess I'll get around to telling you

somewhere it's in South Minneapolis one of those little neighborhood boxes where people put books that they want to get rid of or slash donate. The gal put a massive pile of copies of wedding crashers on DVD in those boxes. I remember those growing up. Remember what? Those little free libraries. Oh, I still run into them here and there.

Apparently, the gal wasn't trying to be a dick. She was just trying to be funny. Maybe you had to be there. Her name is Sable. She's been collecting wedding crashers. DVDs for years just for fun. One day she found 25 of them at a thrift store. It's kind of funny how that stuff starts.

She found 25 of them at a thrift store for a quarter apiece. Over the years, the copies piled up, she set out to collect a thousand of them. This wedding season, kid, we are going to have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that are so aroused by the thought of marriage that they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind. And who's going to be there to catch them?

Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal. I love that movie. That redhead in it is absolutely gorgeous. Ila Fisher. So she hit a thousand copies of Wedding Crashers on DVD last year. She celebrated with a screening of the movie at a movie theater in Fargo. She must know somebody up there. And this part is interesting to me. Here she sits at home with a thousand copies of Wedding Crashers,

but she had never watched it up until she had this private. screening and she said it sucked. That's hilarious that she doesn't like it. So then she moves here to the cities. She didn't want to have this massive collection on her anymore. She was tired of making room in her apartment for all these stupid copies of stupid wedding. So she tried to sell them.

That didn't work. So she just started dumping them in these library boxes. That's funny. Some people in the neighborhood thought it was funny. Some people were pissed off. She ended up with 1,200. copies of the friggin' movie. Here she is. Here's her review

of the movie. She says it's actually not that good. After I hit a thousand copies, I said to myself, well, that wasn't worth it. And she went on to say the community meeting South Minneapolis has been through a lot, but it's also a loving and caring community that really needs a good smile every

once in a while, and she thought this would be the perfect place to do it, South Minneapolis. So that's that gal's story. I'm going to go look around for a copy. We have a lot of those in our neighbors in South Minneapolis. She should have kept them on display just at all times in their place. I love that. That's a fun bit. Can you imagine going to a dates house and you just see an entire bookshelf filled up with the same movie no matter what it is? I would be so excited to hear the story. I'd probably be a little let down by the origin story here. It's not that crazy, but I would be so excited.

If I walk into someone's place and they've got a thousand copies of the same movie, I'll dive out a window. I guess it depends what movie, right? Unless they were in the movie or somehow had something to do with the movie. I would think that they were totally and completely insane and dangerous. All right. Here's something for you that I hope you really like. I could have gotten lazy there and just shut it down, but I really wanted to tell you this story.

And I'll regret this decision later. Something they got cooking out there in New York City. It says here they've been looking for a way to increase the availability of free public bathrooms in the city. An interesting fact right here, New York City had a record amount of documented code brown emergencies in the year of 20 and 26. It was a terrible mess. You know, back decades ago, Cubby, when I was the undisputed intercontinental irritable bowel champion, I used to fantasize that there would be a public house on every street corner. It was my dream.

You could have used it. The trauma I had gone through was so great that while other guys my age, were dreaming of fame and fortune and and Cindy Crawford. I was dreaming of a can on every street corner. So anyways, New York City officials and whatnot have been working through new ideas to create more public heads. Their latest idea has become a reality. They have unleashed the robot toilets. Unfortunately, many of the human beings who have volunteered to try them have never been seen again. No, I'm kidding. The new portable robot toilets are up and running

in different parts of New York City. The positives are this. Well, like I said, they're portable. They're bigger than a traditional porta potty. Apparently, they look like one of those pods you rent when you're moving. Know what I'm talking about? Yep, I used those ones. Okay. There's a cute little ramp to walk up to enter the robot toilet. They said there's space to move around in there.

Like I said, it's bigger than a traditional port of John. There's, of course, a robot toilet, a urinal, a sink. They're free for anyone to use, junkies, perverts, or regular folks. So that's a hell of a list of positives right there, I think. I think the fanciest bathroom I've ever been in was in a trailer. Yeah, there's some nice one. Yeah, I couldn't believe how nice it was. Here's the one negative that has some folks concerned.

According to the story, there is a strict 10-minute limit. Would that mess with anybody here? No. No. There's no way they can get it done in 10 minutes. I like to take my time. But if I'm in a... Yeah, I'd like to take my time.

So that might trouble me. So there's a strict 10-minute limit, no matter what you got going on in there. Whether you're done squeezing cheese or not, the robot toilet swings that everything. and door wide open once you've hit that 10 minute mark. Robo toilet don't care if you're in mid-wipe or whatever you're doing. Now, Robo-toilet does dump a warning on you. As the time is winding down, Robo-toilet talks to a pimp.

It says, attention. Your time has expired. The door is opening now. So you've got a few seconds there to finish touching yourself. or whatever ungodly act you're in the middle of. So, the list of positives seem to outweigh the negatives. You got 10 minutes to get it done. Robotoilet already has some human beings under its command.

It says here, once that 10-minute time limit is up, if you don't pull up your pants and walk on out of there, eventually there are humans who consider Robo Toilet their leader, They will come check on you to see if you've died in there. That's nice. I wouldn't want to have that job. Somebody's still in there after 10 minutes. Things are not going well.

Oh, they're doing things. So New York City officials say that the Robo Toilet is, well, here's some more positives. The Robo toilet is cheaper than permanent restrooms. Well, I think I could have even figured that out. They don't need to be hooked up to water or sewer systems. They're nicer than porta-potties. Oh, because also, Cubby, there's a full-time company that hangs around and keeps them clean. Nice.

Robo toilets in New York City right now are open from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. If things keep going well, there will be more and more robo toilets, hungry for your feces there will be more and more set up all over the city it kind of reminds me you know in some places in Europe starting around 10 p.m. They have those pop-up toilets or urinals specifically you've heard of those?

The telescopic urinals. Doesn't sound familiar. They raise up from the ground so for people who are hammered or vandals they got like these urinals and you just take a leak starting about like a zombie starting about 10 p.m.

There's a curtain or something. No, it's just like a circle of urinals, right? It just pops up from the ground. Right in the middle of the city, you just hang it. Yeah. Well, yeah, those, they sound necessary at a certain time and night, right? Yeah, just. They know everyone's hammered, but it saves the place from being covered in pee.

I find it interesting that people are just able to expose their genitals right there on the city street. Yeah. I imagine that might create a problem or two. I wouldn't be able to do that. No. No, I urinate next to you every day and you seem terrified. A little bit. Yeah.

What if you see my wiener? Yeah, so there you go. That's kind of cool. It is. I'd want to try that out. I mean, it sounds also to me like a great way to be molested. Yes, it does sound dangerous. You know, New York City is a little shady, but in the 10-minute time limit might trouble some of you.

But the more, like I said, I used to fall asleep dreaming of a toilet on every street corner. So to know that more and more are popping up here and there, that makes me happy. Because although my suffering is over for the most part as an irritable boweler, champ. I know there's plenty of folks who are in the middle of that problem. And the desperation is real. The desperation is real. I remember back in the day, Josh, just driving and sweating. And it's hard to drive a car when you're crossing your legs.

And then, please, a toilet, please. And you keep going by all these, but none of the buildings are open. And I'm just praying for a construction site because they always have to put. There's no road construction, please, just one port-upac. It were terrible times, John. Man, I've been very, very fortunate. It only happened to me once, and I never want to re-experience that misery. I can't imagine going through it as much as you did and other people do.

It was my own fault. It was for what I was doing to myself. Like I've said before, when you drink a warm case of beer and all you have to eat all day long is a giant family-sized can of raviolios, what do you expect this going to happen when you wake up the next day? But I was too stupid to realize. Well, at the time, when you're just spooning those into your mouth, it's worth it. Oh, God. I used to be addicted to those things. I'd put a whole two-gallon bucket of pepper on top of it and just, let's check the sports.

Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Mauna to McCarran. McCarran in for a shot. And I'll save by Soros. Falino scores. Nick Falino grabs the rebound and beats Soros. And Minnesota has the game's first goal. You know, I wasn't able to watch the pigs last night because I couldn't figure out how to do it.

Oh, shoot. You know what? I had a buddy text me and asked me the same question. What do I do here? I couldn't figure out how to watch the game. I'll get a hold of it in due time. But you know what kind of sucked? I came into the building this morning,

and I looked up the box score and this and that on last night's season opener for the pigs. They defeated the Nashville Predators 3 to 1. And the first thing I read was Felino sets the tone for the pigs. And I got all excited. And I looked up the box score. And it was the wrong felino. It wasn't Marcus. It was Nick Falino, who we really don't care for on this program.

Well, I don't know about that last part, but just like you, I was a little disappointed. Yeah, wrong Folino. Yeah, not our Folino. I thought they were going to trade him. Well, you know, you can hope in one hand. I'm just kidding. Yeah, I mean, we're Marcus Felino fans. We don't really care for the other one.

So that was a bit of a buzzkill. But they got the win. Then the home openers tomorrow. I'll get out of your way here in just a minute. Last night, the Cleveland Browns won. on Thursday night football. Yeah, that's pretty cool. We'll tell you about the baseball playoffs here in a little while.

Golden Gopher's got a big football game tomorrow morning. Roll the boat, Sky him up! Randy Shaber, Brad Ryder, Andrew D. Paola will join us because the Vikings play on Sunday against the Miami Dolphins. We'll see what Andrew has to say. But before we go, we had that fun conversation in our stupid news report about a family on vacation. They're all hanging around their hotel room. Little kid, a little three-year-old girl is part of the family. And she found a frigging used dildo in the hotel room.

Somewhere's there in the hotel room. And dad was not pleased with that. He's very upset at the hotel. He's upset about the whole smear. He says it ruined their family. A listener texted in. Tell me if you recall this, Josh. A listener texted in to say, do you recall years ago,

some kid found his mom's five-yard-long sex toy, right? And he didn't know what it was, and the kid went out of doors and was swinging it around like it was a sword. That's awesome. And his dad saw what the child was doing and recorded it. And mom pulled into the driveway, and she was furious.

Oh, I bet she was mortified. No, I don't recall that. Great story, though. And good for dad. Dad, you know, dad being Johnny on the spot. Having to fun. Getting his cellular phone out and recording his son while he's swinging around mom's double-ended. The story that I do remember was, and a mom told this story on social media or something,

the lady fully admitted what happened. She said she was home alone with her son. and all she wanted to do was rub one out. It was killing her. She was just, my God, I need to touch myself so bad that I can't even see straight. So she tells her little son, she says, God, help us. Will you please go outside and play? And the kid's like, no, mommy, I want to stay and watch tell her.

And she says, get out of here. Go find the neighbor. Just get out. So the kid says, okay, fine. And he goes next door because there's a neighbor kid there to play with. And mom really cut loose. I mean, she had every item from the top drawer. She's pounding herself with those items because she just could not wait to.

And she started hollering a little bit. Like Josh hasn't experienced this, but sometimes women. when they get really excited. They'll just holler out. Oh, like when they're enjoying it? Like you're doing something? Yes. Yeah.

So the little kid, her son, hears this from the next door. And he's concerned. And he says to the dad next door. He says, my mommy's in trouble. Can you hear? And the dad next door puts his ear to the window. And he says, well, yeah, I hear that. And so they really thought, so dad goes running.

The neighbor dad, he runs into the house and he busts open the door and there she is with her frigging feet up in the air, just, ah! And this and then the that. I'd mention I've never been lucky enough to stumble upon somebody else's sex toy. And so many people have texted and say, oh, that happened here, it happened here. And a lot of times it was in the process of their workday. They'd see discarded sex toy or they're working on a house. They see somebody's. I came so close.

I didn't even realize this. Just another garbage man, Jesus said he was my garbage man when I lived in a townhouse in Prior Lake. And he said he found one. One of the other people in the building had one that he found. The garbage man found. I didn't know I was that close to somebody that was that cool. So close. You got to be going and digging through the dumpsters, Josh.

Now I will. Every garbage day. You just go up and down the block. Today's our garbage day. I'll have to walk the dog. Yep. And just pretend that I'm looking and garb. Okay, that doesn't work.

That's as close as you've ever come to a sex toy. Yeah, and another gentleman. It was in the garbage next door to you. To a place that I lived over 20 years ago. Yeah. Thrilling. I had no idea. Thrilling.

All right. We've got to move on. Josh's news report is coming up. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees. Maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki.

He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos.

Promocode W-W-C-FB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarket. It's terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks.

Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as non-withdrawable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. The 93X half-assed morning show. What in the actual fuck are you guys doing? On 93X. Most times when someone reacts with a violent weapon or in anger, it typically isn't automatic like that.

Once upon a time. A mother walked into a once upon a time children's resale shop to offload some outgrown onesies. Her toddler hopped on a toy car. An employee politely explained the no playing policy. The mom said, oh, so sorry about that. Scooped up her kid and went home with a little bit of cash and a whole lot of dignity. Unfortunately, that's a fairy tale because this is 2026, and the real world hits different. In the actual timeline, a tantrum was thrown.

and that Once Upon a Child Children's store, but it didn't come from the toddler in tow. It came from a mother who doesn't take kindly to the word no. When told her child couldn't ride a motorized toy, 21-year-old Indiana mother, Tamaya Staten, answered that store policy by pulling a gun on employees. The confrontation occurred last July at a Once Upon a Child in Indianapolis,

but the charges against Staten were filed Monday. Police responded after an employee triggered the silent hold-up alarm, a feature I'm just now learning children's consignment shops apparently need. Yeah, that's sad. The problem is not feeling anger. The problem is what you do about. When you're starting to get upset, then you can usually do something about it then.

Store employees. Who is that? Your therapist? It is a therapist. And he's wearing a bow tie even. Oh, that's adorable. Looks like a therapist. That's when you know he has an education.

Right. You know, you kind of adds a couple of IQ points, doesn't it? Yep. If somebody's wearing a bow tie? I got a kick out of that guy describing to us how anger works. I'll tell you what, they interviewed him for a while. He had a lot of gems, a lot of gems. Only could get to a couple, though.

So another crazy lady with a gun. Yeah, again, it's because they said, hey, you know, sorry, ma'am. We're not allowed to let kids run around on those things, and she did not take kindly to that. We don't want your kid braining himself in here. I didn't realize they have that kind of alarm. I'm going to have to start behaving myself when I'm in a once-upon-law. a child. Yeah, watch yourself. Yeah, people these days, they don't like you saying word one about their kid. Store employees said Staten came in with her toddler to sell some clothing. While the

transaction was underway, an employee saw the kid playing on a small motorized car inside the store and told their store policy prohibited children from playing with the toys. Staten offered a quick, okay, then proceeded to ignore it entirely while her child kept riding. When the employee dared to repeat themselves and remind her of the policy, staten snapped. The affidavit details how she pulled a massive handgun out of her purse. Mass? Yeah, they said it was big. Tucked it into her leggings and poked an employee directly in the face,

threatening to open fire over a piece of plastic on wheels. We can fight about it. We can go down, she announced. Oh. I can use this, she said, referencing the gun. That's not what I was hoping she was going to pull out of her leggings. I'm with you on that. This situation really bothered me because multiple people can be affected.

Just to make sure. Shut up, Doc. Just to make sure. Yeah, okay, we get it. You're smart. You got a bow tie. You're the doctor. We're the idiots.

Just to make sure no one mistook her for a pacifist, she yanked the gun back out of her waistband and pointed it at the staff. Then she turned back to her kid and actually encourage them to keep playing, even giving a quick demonstration on how the toy. toy worked. What? Wait, what? Again, she's really doubling down on this.

Yeah, what if the kid's like, I don't want to play with it anymore? Get on the car. Get on it. She didn't exactly have an airtight alibi or exit strategy. Detectives tracked her down using her license plate and the official government-issued ID. She had literally just handed the cashier to process her payout. She's now facing up to eight and a half years in prison, plenty of time to reflect on whether

a four-minute joy ride on a used toy car was worth her felony. She can't, you know, be with her kid at all. She never cared about the kid. It's probably better off that kid. Maybe she liked that kid and everything, but Josh is right. Kids better off. Ladies, obviously, an idiot. Apparently, no isn't the only word some people can't handle.

Neither is merge. Even some fellow Minnesotans can't muster the emotional regulation to handle frustrations without reaching for a gun. A Twin Cities temper tantrum led to the U.S. eruption of gunfire between vehicles on a busy local highway during Wednesday evening's rush hour, leaving one person injured and shutting down a major stretch of road. The St. Louis Park Police Department was called about 6 p.m. to Highway 100 and Highway 7 after receiving a report of a shooting. Upon arrival, police found a man suffering from a non-life-threatening gunshot wound, the aftermath

of what appears to be an active exchange of gunfire between passengers and multiple moving cars. The gunfire forced the temporary closure of southbound Highway 100 between Highway 7 and Excelsior Boulevard, adding a fresh layer of hell to an already miserable evening commute. Yeah, those poor people, oh, I'd be so pissed. No arrests had been made as of yesterday morning. Authorities urge anyone with information to call the St. Louis Park Police Department or leave an anonymous tip with crime stoppers.

A new time cruise movie out this week is getting mixed reviews. Some critics hate it, while other critics really hate it. The Dark Comedy Digger, which the New York Post called, quote, Tom Cruise's laugh-free turd, has opened a deeply divided opinion. They used the word turd. I know I love that. That's nothing but fun. That is fun. The London Evening Standard gave it five out of five stars, though, calling it audacious, risky, terrific, fun.

They didn't even watch it. Were they watching a different movie? Some people were questioning that. Meanwhile, Slant gave it just a half of one point, calling it a film full of mostly talented people doing their worst work of their entire career. Oh, wow. So somewhere between terrific fun and worst work of their careers

lies the truth. In Digger, a nearly unrecognizable Tom Cruise plays Digger Rockwell, a powerful oil baron racing. You see, right from there, the character name is Digger Rockwell? He's an oil guy. He's digging rocks. What is this, the Flintstones?

It's a dark comedy, if that helps. But, I mean, it's like, what's that popular show now where the quarterback puts on a disguise? Chad Powers. Chad Powers. Come on. Put a little effort into the names. You can't even make an effort with the name? That's when I know it's garbage right from the get-go.

He plays a powerful oil baron, racing to contain a global ecological. disaster of his own making. Also in theaters, Verity, Dakota Johnson, stars as a struggling writer named Lowen Ashley. She's hired to finish best-selling author, Verity Crawford's book after an accident. The psychological thriller follows Loen as she discovers a disturbing manuscript

which raises questions about Verity's sanity. The cast also includes Anne Hathaway and Josh Hartnett. And finally... Josh Hartnett? Yeah. I'll be dipped. And finally, at least in theaters, Rolling Loud, where Owen Wilson stars as an overprotective father who sneaks his teenage son into Rolling Loud,

a wild hip-hop festival, and then loses him. The streaming premiere of Evil Dead Burn is ready to make a bloody mess of HBO Max today, and Sunday on CBS and Paramount Plus, the second season premiere of Marshalls. It is Friday, which means it's time to check out some of the new music releases making noise this week. Amon Amarth are back. Oh, no. And they're looking to conquer. With the All Father Awakens,

the melodic Swedish death metal Viking-themed Veterans 13th studio album. Meanwhile, there's a bittersweet moment for fans. Sponge is calling it a day, at least recording-wise. 32 years after their debut album, rotting pinata, the band is saying goodbye to making records

with their final one out today. Requerta to Morty. A bit of music news. Smotley Crew celebrated a major milestone yesterday. Kickstart my heart. They finally played live for real. No backing tracks. It's officially surpassed one billion Spotify streams. The band marked the occasion by thanking fans and posing with their billion stream plaque. If you want to catch every release, make 93X.com part of your Friday routine and follow the 93X notable new releases playlist on Spotify. Celebrate 125 years with a new Germany fire department tomorrow. The new Germany FD celebrates its 125th anniversary with a party featuring music from the band Verge

and then dinner from the Squeals on Wheels barbecue food truck. The food and drinks start at 4.30 and Verge takes the stage at 6.30. Chubby like cubby, Jesus, Texas, text a shout out to his friend, Zach and Caitlin, getting married tomorrow and he wants you both to know they're still time to change your mind. Happy 26 to Quentin on his way to Kentucky from dad only one Jesus and not me Jesus and that's 93x news. The Minnesota Vikings interview. Personal file. 69 offense. He was giving them the business. Touchdown. Vikings win it. On the half-assed morning shift. Here we are. Look around you, Covey. There's enough. What a crowd. There was enough talent gathered here.

to just straight up make you vomit. What did our co-worker used to say about all that? One finally placed hand grenade. Yeah, that's right. One of our old co-workers would say this while all of us radio personalities were gathered in the front lobby, he'd say, one finally placed hand grenade. And Twin Cities media would just be turned completely on its head right now. First off, we've got retired television star, Range,

Shaver. Hello, Randy. Good morning. Also, disgruntled former Timberwolves and Universe. We've got disgruntled the former Timberwolves. You can't even get through the introduction. Randy was having a good time. Disgruntled former Timberwolves and University of Minnesota employee now making his living as a sex educator, Brad Ryder.

Good morning. Good morning, Brad. The headliner of our Friday programs, the finest long snapper in the National Football League, Andrew D. Paola. Good morning, Andrew. Good morning, guys. Good morning. Andrew, only half of that is true about me, by the way. Not that he cares, but. Which half, Frank?

Yeah, guess the half, Andrew. Which half? You tell us. I was going to say, is it up to me to guess the half? Yes. Yeah, I think you should, probably. Yes. Okay, let me give me the title again, Andrew.

I'll give you the title again. Oh, geez. Descruntled former Timberwolves and University of Minnesota employee now making his living as a sex educator. Which of that is true? I mean, from what I heard about the voice, I don't think he went to University of Minnesota. So I'm going to say, oh, boy. Sex educator? Yeah, that's not true.

Yeah, that part's not true. Okay, that part is not true. Oh, okay. I thought that was true. Well, you did it one time. I'm a sport management educator, but. not a sex educator. But for a brief period of time, you were a sex educator.

That's correct. For one quad seven years ago, I thought. And they still think about it. Those kids, they still think about you. Yeah, I made quite the impact on them. It's kind of a title that you can't shake, though, right, Bradrider? I guess. You're right, especially on this show I can't.

We have a lot of respect for Andrew DePala. You probably remember Sex Ed, back when you were a kid, right? I don't know. He's got the kids. What's that, Josh? got a lot of kids, so maybe not everything stuck with him. Oh, yeah, there were some things that you did not pay attention to. There was a portion of the class that was ignored.

I mean, or maybe I did pay attention. I got four kids. Yeah, one half of it you got. You obviously had some knowledge, yes. Nick paid attention to the other part about how to avoid such things. I did. You know, we have that difference between us, Andrew DePaula. what we learned in sex ed we have that difference

oh what else is hey Andrew you know you're hotter now than you've ever been before you know it I can feel it can you because and I think this is wonderful you guys know that for decades I've been pushing I want more credit

given to special teams players I'm tired of these diva wide receivers and you know frigging goofy quarterbacks getting all the frigging credit. I'm a special teams fan. And you fellas on the special teams unit for the

Minnesota Vikings, you're making headlines. Every time I open up the paper, special teams is the key to Vikings, this and that. They're 3 and O because of the special. So walk proud, son, and be a dick about it if you can. You know, it's just we're doing our job, helping the team win,

just trying to put them in a good position. to win, get some points on the board. Tell you what, those guys out there are playing their butts off. I'm happy for Miles Price, man. Finally took one of the house. It's been fun. It really has been. You see now when a special teamer says what Andrew just said, I believe him. I don't believe that from wide receivers and quarterback.

I believe everything you just said came from the heart. Yeah, that Miles Price dude, holy buckets, does that dude go from zero to full speed? in no time. He's a team. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So congratulations. You boys. It was, I mean, this is kind of a side story, but like Miles, he kind of went off a little bit in the preseason. He had that one-hacket against the Giants, and, you know, he almost had that touchdown against the Ravens. But I think I was the only player on the sideline actively rooting against Miles Price to do well at receiver because he's such a special returner. I was like, hey, we don't want to lose you to all that offensive stuff.

Just stick to what you do at Returner and we'll be good. Sure. You made that trip to Tampa Bay last week, a club that you played for at one point or another, and I listened to this, Andrew D. Pallah. A listener has texted in to say he took a tour of Raymond James Stadium. He didn't say when. Well, it must have been,

must have been back when you were playing for the bucks because here's what he says. I was able to take a tour of Raymond James Stadium and I got DePaula's name off his locker. And so when you're a visiting team, do you have your name above your locker? I mean, we bring name plates or like plates with our number on them. Okay.

So then this could have been recent. This might not have been when you were active member of the Buccaneers. But that's this is, so this dude got a tour of Raymond Jane Stadium and he stole something. What he stole was your nameplate off of your locker. And he's hoping someday that maybe you can sign it for him. I need some clarification on that because I always assume we just take everything with us, like nameplates and everything.

Okay. Well, whoever that was, whoever that was, I'm going to. Yeah. Did you walk in? locker room and was your was your locker without a nameplate on Sunday? No, I had my nameplate. Well, he's right here, Andrew DePaulo. We are texting back and forth, so dude, get back to us with some clarification.

When did you steal it? Yeah, let me know. When did you steal it? Tell us the story. We want more. We want more. We're about to say all the way in the back of the locker room, aren't you? Oh, yeah.

locker is just in the back corner. Name and the specialist. Yeah. I heard you start to say that. There's just one swinging light bulb above the... You're an interrogation room. No AC, no heat, nothing like that. Not anymore, like we said, the special teamers are the stars of this frigging club. So, all right, I'll hang around here and wait for this guy to get back to us

and see if he can tell us more about stealing your nameplate from the old locker room there. Andrew DePaula, is there anyone online right now posing as you? I don't know. I hope not. If they are, they're getting something cool out of it. Yeah. You don't know. I've been going around.

You don't know of anybody who's out there claiming to be you because this has become a thing now. Shady jabrones go online and pretend to be NFL athletes. And then unfortunately, they scam people out of every dime that they've made. The latest here is a couple women in Pennsylvania were scammed by someone posing as Pittsburgh Stillers rookie running back Eli Heidenreich. Jesus Christ, I wouldn't know the real Eli Heidenreich if the two of us were scissoring. But I guess that's what makes the scam so effective. So it says here a 20 and 50-year-old lady were scammed out of some monies by this low-life dude.

who is not the real Eli Heidenreich. So far, police have not named any suspect. So as far as you know, how did they get scammed out of money? Did the guy ask for money? Yeah. He's trying to sell an autograph? I can't remember the specifics now, but yeah.

What have they done in the past, Josh? Like the guy who was pretending to be the 49er that made like hundreds of thousands of, how did he set up the money? Yeah, I mean, each one is like a little different, right? Sometimes it's like, ah, I'm in a bad. spot. I could use a couple of grand. As soon as my endorsement money kicks in, I'll pay you back. Or they'll say something like I'm getting sued right now, so my assets are frozen. Can I just

borrow a little bit? Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable. So far, cops don't have any suspects in this fake Eli Heidenreich scam. So as far as you know, there's nobody out there pretending to be you. I sure hope not. And if they are, they can come to help me take care of these four kids. What if they're making just an incredible income? I mean, just making tons of money, putting you to shame. God,

dang. That would be awful and terrible and good for them at the same time. Yeah, it'd be kind of a mixture of emotions there. Do you ever have the time? Yeah, I mean, I just, oh, sorry, I'm just saying, if anyone out there's listening and you're currently think you're talking to a pro athlete who needs money, they're going to ask their teammates before random people, trust me. I've had it happen more times than I care to count.

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Guys will ask us for loans before they ask random people. Well, that's good to know. Okay, that's good advice. If you think you're chatting online at 3 o'clock in the morning with an NFL player. All right, so you're not. So now I have a follow-up.

Do most professional athletes give loans to their teammates? I mean, some have, some do. And this was more so back, no, no. This was more so back when, like, we only got paid, like, through the season, you know? So, like, once the season was over, you had zero checks coming in. Guys weren't really good at budgeting. So when spring workouts would come around in April, guys would go out in the locker room and be like, hey, man, like, can you float a 10, 20K just to get me through the summer?

Ten or $20,000. Yeah, that was a real thing. I get, I puck her up when someone asked me for $10. Yeah. Dollars, just $10. I mean, they're making good money. Even the league minimum, you're making great money. I'm surprised they have trouble paying their bills.

There's a lot of things I would surprise you. That is good to know. Okay. Yeah. Real ball players are going to ask their teammates for a, few bucks before they ask some 50-year-old lady who they've been flirting with online. Andrew D. Powell is on the line with us with all your busy work over there with the Minnesota Vikings. Do you get a chance to follow college football at all?

I mean, I'll catch it when it's on. I can't really say I follow it. I couldn't tell you who's the hot team right now or the good team or who's a surprise team. I don't know any of that. Have you ever had a coach that got so excited about a win that he smeared your blood on his face? No, no, I saw that, yep, no. What was your thought? What did you make of that? Why? Why would you do that?

That's kind of the same reaction I had. I mean, I like PJ. Quite a bit, I do. I think he's a good coach and a fun personality to half in town. But when I watched him smear the ball. blood of a young man on his face over a road victory in Washington. This wasn't the national champion. The first question out of my mind also was why.

There's a little different. Yeah. He's emotional. He's fired up. I didn't play for him in Rutgers. He came after I graduated. But, you know, knew him then, knew him when he was at Rutgers. And then when he went to Tampa was a receivers coach in Tampa Bay.

I've known him for a long time. And he's the exact same. He's just fired up, passionate, into it. I, you know, even, I had no idea before I asked you the question that you really knew the man. And he is exactly the way he presents himself to be. That's great. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. All right. God dang it. I'm trying to find this text message again over the guy who said he stole your nameplate. I got it right here if you want me to read it. What did he say? So he said he was at the game Sunday. He took the tour Monday, and they went through the locker room,

and he saw Depot's name take still up there, and he said, can I have it? And the tour guy said, yeah, and grabbed it to him. He didn't steal it while nobody was looking. It's like my nameplate in the visiting locker room. Yeah, he sent a picture of it. Yeah, he sent a picture of your locker. It's just a little almost looks like a sticker up above.

Oh, you had a locker at the end there, Depot. That's pretty nice. They must not take them off then after the game. and they must just leave them up and leave town. Sure. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Probably more important stuff to make sure they grab them,

the sticker name tag. Sure. That is adorable. And yeah, I'm looking at your nameplate here in the picture above the locker. I hope someday he gets a chance to meet you. Yeah, maybe you could sign it for him. That would be cool. Yeah, definitely.

The visiting locker rooms are never the most comfortable rooms in the building, are they? No. No. No. And campus is probably the worst. Okay, I was just going to ask. I think they're designed to be that way, right? You're not trying to make the visitor comfortable. What locker room was painted pink?

I thought there's a thing. Iowa. Iowa? The University of Iowa, yeah. That's not a famous. Sorry. Purdue does the same thing. Yeah, that's the idea, right, to make your visitors, no matter it be hockey, baseball, basketball, Make your visitors as uncomfortable as possible.

You don't want them feeling at home. So what makes Raymond James locker room the worst of them all, Andrew? It's old. It's narrow. It's tight. And it's long. Like, it's not like kind of, it's just you got to keep walking down to get to the next thing. You know, the training room, the bathroom, the next part of the locker room.

It's just long and narrow and tight. There's not a lot of space to do. anything. And the crazy part was when I was there, we had the exact same locker room for our home locker room. There was no advantage to being the home team. They built the new one after I'd left. But when I was there, yeah, it was the exact same. I was like, this is terrible. I've heard they do things like they mess with the temperature or the lighting. Is that pretty common? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they make it. I don't know about the temperature, but the lighting, yeah, for sure. They'll try to keep it like a little bit darker.

Yeah, they F with you. I just read a story. Oh, God, have you guys seen pictures? And I think tonight is the debut for the new football stadium for Northwestern University in Chicago. Have you guys seen the pictures of this place? Yeah, it looks incredible. It's beautiful. It's not the biggest ballpark.

35,000 people, something like that. Designed to be that way, though. Designed to be that way. Yep. And they kind of tried to mimic, I think what I read was they tried to mimic like soccer stadiums where. It builds up and not out. Exactly. And they said something like even the worst seat in the house is only blankety blank feet away from the field.

It just looks really small and it looks like when you get a big crowd in there, it's going to be incredible. I believe tonight Northwestern's playing on primetime television against Penn State. But what I read was their new locker room costs like $7 billion. It's just their home locker room is unbelievable. And the visitor's locker room is just still just a little hallway with a couple of lawn chairs and a bucket of warm water. You know, so. It's a cute bit. It's a cute bit.

Everyone seems to pick up on it. And I am kind of excited to see what that ballpark looks like. So we know we got to let you go here in a minute, Andrew. This Sunday you face to Miami Dolphins. So that's kind of like an extra buy week, right? Pretty much. Oh, man. Oh, man.

I tell you what, in this league, anybody can surprise you. So, you know, we're not taking them lightly. Well, congratulations again on you special teamers, whooping so much ass here in the first three games. We know you'll keep it going. And just always know, deep down, I'm your number one fan. I'm the number one special teams fan in town, so I'll always be there for you, Deepo.

I love it, man. We need you guys. We really do. Thanks, partner. Have a good one. All right, thanks, guys. You got it. There Go Depot.

Our conversation with Andrew DePaula is brought to you by Luther Kia of Bloomington. Last night on Thursday night football, the Cleveland Browns defeated the Pittsburgh Stillers by three points, 27 to 24. The Browns are three and one on the football season. I didn't see much of the game. I'm happy anytime that Karen and the Pittsburgh Steelers lose. And you guys know that I grew up always hoping for the best from the Cleveland Browns. You know, I grew up with Brian Sipe and Bernie Kosar and Ozzie Newsom.

The Browns are 3-1 for the first time in the 300 years or something. Did anyone watch the game? And are the Browns really that good? Yes. Oh, they are. I thought their defense played pretty well last night against Pittsburgh. They got two young outstanding receivers of both rookies that played well last night. Deshaun Watson looks like he's the old Deshaun Watson as far as a quarterback

goes and played well. They had a great crowd and tough environment and they held off Pittsburgh at the end. Deshawn Watson. I'm going to go ahead and take a chance and say this out loud and into a microphone. Deshawn Watson, kind of a tough guy to root for. Watson!

Yep. Unless you're a Browns fan and they're off to a three and one start. If they were one and three, it'd be a totally different story. A listener is. texted in to say that Karen spent more time on his back last night than Josh's mother. Oh, come on, man.

Oh, is that possible? Yeah, he got sack. You too. He got sack five times and he got pressured even more. So, yeah, they were all over him last time. He's just so old. Did you see the exchange between Karen and the beave? Oh, yes.

Yeah. It was pretty good, actually. What happened with Karen and the beef? Oh, they went at each other. Well, the Beeve, at least one time, took way too long to get a play into him. And they caught Rogers looking at the sidelines, screaming at him with a bunch of expletives. And then the exchange as he walked off the field and the both of them went after each other. But, you know, that's just the heat of the game.

They know each other really well. They've got a good relationship, actually. When Rogers scored the two-point conversion, the tie of the game, there was nothing but smiles. Unfortunately, there was too much time on the clock for Pittsburgh, and Cleveland came down and got a field goal to win it. What a couple of puk bags, Karen and the Beave. Golden Gopher Football Club, we mentioned them a minute ago.

Yeah. They're playing here in town tomorrow morning against the football team that represents the sleazy, cheating, perverse University of Michigan. Boy, it'd be nice to stomp those. It would be nice. It'd be nice to kick those ass hats. Give me one game the rest of the year that they can win, and I'll take that one over either Iowa or Wisconsin.

I'm sorry. You don't need to say you're sorry. Brad, you don't need to apologize. That's right. Forget that. Well, Brad might not have heard the reason why he does that. I really haven't, but you guys have reminded me, but I haven't heard the real reason.

The other day, Randy, Randy has this bad habit, too. He will state something that no one should be sorry for. He will state before he makes the statement, he will apologize. And it's something that no one should ever apologize for. And you do the same thing. You just apologize for wanting the U of M to beat Michigan over Wisconsin or whoever. For Iowa. My theory is, is that both of you are products of a controlling relationship.

I wish I had a bad. bell here. I would ding it. Yeah, I got a bell. Your wife is a powerful woman. You and Randy, obviously, aren't allowed to say much at home. And I told Rand, you're not allowed to express your opinion.

And I told Randy, I said, look, you're, I don't know what's going on at home. I mean, I have a rough idea. And Brad, why do you think we both like coming on here so much? So, Brad, I'll tell,

I'll tell both he is here collectively. Your opinion matters here. You are valid. Maybe not within the Bradrider household. Your opinion might not mean Dick Tracy, but around here you can say what you want to say. You don't have to apologize. Okay. So yes, it would be great.

It will be great. I was going to dump another. I'm sorry in there, but okay. Let's claim that little brown jug here right in front of the home crowd. That'd be cool. That would be awesome. Now it says here, unfortunately, the Golden Gophers have lost their starting center for the rest of the football season. He's gone and hurt himself, a kid named Ashton Beers.

Right. But they have a monster in there in Greg Johnson. Greg Johnson was an outstanding offensive lineman for Pryor Lake back in the day. And he's going to play center for him. But he is a, if you look on NFL mock drafts right now, he is a, he is a, is a top 20 pick in the NFL draft, and his stock continues to climb. So they've got a guy that can play the center position,

but they've got some other injuries on the O-line 2 right now, which is too bad that they're not healthy facing Michigan. But I wouldn't worry about the center position tomorrow. Greg Johnson's going to handle what they need at center tomorrow. That's what I read. I read that there have been multiple, multiple injuries for the Golden Gopher Offensive Line so far this season, but every one of these kids who has filled in has filled in quite nicely.

Well, Greg Johnson's not a fill-in. He's actually played every position on the offensive line started at least once during his Gopher career. So he is a proven commodity. And like I said, if you look at these mock drafts, He's probably one of the top five offensive linemen in the country right now. So hopefully they'll be able to do some damage against the Michigan defense. That is vulnerable that they can exploit. All right.

Staying with college football here. It says here, damn near half the roster for the San Diego State Football Club is out. they all caught a case of the mumps. Wow. That's terrible. A full-on outbreak has totally smeared their locker room. New guys in the corner puking his guts up. The mumps, is that from sharing sexual partners?

No, but that's funnier. I didn't know. I mean, it always could be. Really? Is it possible? I mean, sure. Any illness can get transferred that way. Any illness can get transferred. I didn't know that.

The mumps are a kid's issue, correct? I mean, I had the mumps when I was a kid. Well, it took out the wild a few years ago. Yeah. I remember when the entire Pigs roster was wiped out by the mumps. Yeah. All right. According to the story, here's what the mumps can do for you.

It starts with a slight fever and dryness of the throat. When the virus penetrates the red blood cells, the victim becomes dizzy, beginning to experience an itchy rash and then the poison goes to work on the central nervous system severe muscle spasms followed by the inevitable drooling at this point the entire digestive system collapses accompanied by uncontrollable flatulence

until finally the poor bastard is reduced to a quivering wasted piece of jelly man what movie airplane what year 1980 no it says here it says here a painful swelling around your jaw and neck. It affects your salivary glands. It can make it hard to eat and talk

and you feel like you've caught the flu. Obviously, those are not ideal conditions for football players gearing up for their conference opener. Right. Half the roster, done. So I take it, have they postponed the game? I have not seen anything. No, not.

Not as far as I know. Yeah. Not as far as I know. They're going to still try to patch together a few fourth stringers and make a run at it. I think when that happened to the wild, didn't they move some games? Don't remember. But I'll take your word for it. I think they moved.

Because they weren't the only team affected. I think there was a couple of other two or three other teams. Yeah. Boy, so you had it as a kid, Randy. I did. Do you remember the swelling and the, salivary. Not really, but I know I had it. I know I had it. Home from school, that's what I remember

the most. Yeah, oh, and that was glorious. I don't think I ever caught the mumps. No, me neither. Luckily. I'd staff infection and chicken pox at the same time. Oh, I bet that was miserable. That sucks, dude. Oh, my God. Yeah. Chickenpox is terrible in itself. What did you do? Did you get fresh with a cow or something up there in Clara City? That was it. Yeah. That's the only way he did it. You Josh. That was that. That's the only way we can get that combo.

Yep. A staff infection and chicken pox at the same time. Yeah. I was out for a smooth two weeks. Remember that. Whoa, two weeks. Mm-hmm. Was it calamine lotion you get covered in when you got the chicken pox?

Oh, yeah. Take, like, oatmeal baths. Oh, the oatmeal baths. I always liked those. Poison Ivy chicken pox. I don't know. Yeah, you have a meal when you're done. Do love opening.

Hey, a fast first period set the tone for the Piggies last night, and they won the opener 3-1 over Nashville. I was mentioning earlier that I tried to turn the game on this. I couldn't figure it out. Mauna to McCarran. McCarran in for a shot. And a save by Soros. Fulino grabs the rebound and beats Soros.

And Minnesota has the game's first goal. Settled down Lepantas. The wrong Folino. First period, the wrong felino and then Blake Coleman scored. The Russian kid poked one in two. That was in the third period. Weird as hell, Quinn Hughes had an assist on that one. Yes, bad Rolstadt.

Yes, Petolfo Stett! Made 19 saves for the pigs. So it wasn't a hell of a tough night for the goalie. I think most goalies will take 20 shots on net per game and be pretty happy with that. Predators went 0 for 4 on the power play. Did you know that the boys are playing 21 of their first 31 games on the road ski? Look out, ladies. Yeah.

Hey, that's how a club can bond, right? Yeah. They're staying in the hotels, going to the nightclubs, bringing strangers back to the... Yeah. 21 out of their first. So now we go from the season opener to the home opener. the Boston Bruins come to town tomorrow night. I don't know, I can't guarantee you by tomorrow night.

I'll figure out how to watch these games, but I'll ask the wife's help. Yeah, she'll figure. I'll ask my wife for help. Well, the games are on some sort of a streaming outlet for now, but there is conversation that they may make their way to Comcast and another, you know, direct TV. Yeah, they're working on it, but it's not happening very fast. Oh, they are working on it.

Okay. They are working on it. Yeah, I've seen posts about that too. Yeah, I mean, La Panta actually posted yesterday that. It's being worked on, but it's not going to be fast enough, at least for the start of the year. Felt bad for Lepanty. He was just getting crushed, as if he's the guy behind the scenes twisting his mustache and sitting on his stack of money, you know. He's the one making the calls.

Oh, people are going after him? Yeah. Why is it so effing hard to watch the game? Yeah, he posted it, I think, out of a kind of a, kind of a. you know, community service to everybody who wanted to watch it, and then he just got hammered in the responses. That's hilarious. They're going after the announcer.

Well, I think this is a part of what fans are going to have to get used to, especially for the wolves in the wild, is what this is going to look like. The twins seem to have figured some things out, which is great. But for these other teams, it's a real work in progress to get the, the teams in front of fans on some sort of a paid system that everybody can find. I thought Channel 45 said yesterday they've got about 10 games. Yeah. Maybe Channel 5?

People are saying that the Wild will be on Channel 45 tomorrow night. Oh, so even tomorrow night. The home opener on Channel 45 tomorrow night. Fair enough. And I hope they get that direct TV deal done because I believe that's the gimmick that we have at the house. All right. The final, final big league wild card playoff game was played last night, and the Atlanta Braves defeated the Philadelphia Phillies 6 to 2.

I don't know about the rest of you is, but I'm okay having Bryce Harper and the Philadelphia Phillies and Kyle Schwabber. I'm happy that they're going home. Two balls and two strikes. Atlanta's moving on. Anyone shedding any tears for Schwabber and Harper? No, not really. No. No. Now, here's the word, as you mentioned, or not as you mentioned, but as you heard there in the audio,

the Braves will now face the Los Angeles Dodgers. It says here a major heat wave with temperatures exceeding 100 degrees could affect. I don't know what they mean by effect. They're going to play the freaking games, but it says could affect this Dodgers Phillies, pardon me, Dodgers Braves series over the weekend. It's just going to be hotter than Dutch love. That sounds miserable. Hey, they knew the risks. Too bad. Yeah, they're also playing afternoon games in Los Angeles, too. Oh, somebody's going to pass out.

Oh, yeah. They're playing like, at least game one is like three o'clock. Three o'clock, yeah. But one o'clock in L.A., and I think the Sunday games, the night games. Just hotter than Hades for those first couple of games in Southern California. So the divisional round starts tomorrow. Yep. We mentioned the Braves and Dodgers.

Hey, man. It's Miracami time. The White Sox Guardians, divisional rivalry there. One hundred. That's how warm it's going to be. 100. And this is the best of five, right?

Best of five. Yes. Okay. Then you got Yankees' rays. And the pod raisin brewers, that'd be a fun one. I like it. To me, the White Sox Cleveland is going to be so much fun.

I'm going to be fun. Why is he going to be so much fun, Mr. Miracami? I'm going to have. I'm Japanese! I want him to beat the Guardian single-handedly. This guy needs a World Series ring on his finger so bad. Imagine him at the parade? Oh, my God.

I don't speak English. Oh, they'll just be ass naked. I love watching that guy. It's the greatest baseball player of all time. It's great, too, tomorrow. So those low-key, you know, very conservative Milwaukee Brewer fans get a night game tomorrow on a Saturday. Oh, man. They'll be trying to out-drink Merikami at the Brewers Ballpark tomorrow night.

Randy Shaver Was Sunny Gray cheating? What do you mean? Good question. Looks tough. In his start against whoever they played the other night? Okay, I watched the game. Tell me.

Well, first off, tell me who they played because I can't remember. Well, they play the Yankees. The Yankees. Apparently didn't cheat well enough. So you were mentioning yesterday that in this close game between the Yankees and Red Sox, Sonny Gray, a starting pitcher for the Red Sox. You mentioned that in this close game,

Sonny Gray was pulled, he was pissed. He was. He had this great overall track record when he gets to the third time around in the batting odor, and that's where they were headed in that particular inning. And Sonny was...

He was pulled with less than five innings pitched. Right. That's what pissed him off. He was spotted on numerous occasions. I didn't watch the game, but people are saying he was spotted on numerous occasions, touching his neck before pitches.

I did see that. And the broadcast appeared to show a sticky substance below his right ear. Like where Ben Affleck and something about Mary found that money shot. Oh, that was so good.

What did I say? Affleck. Same guy. No way. He's a good actor. Keep in mind that the umpires check pitchers gloves and hats, and I'm their body almost after every inning.

So I'm not sure he got away with anything. But do they really check the Yankees and the Red Sox? When they're playing in a playoff series on national television, is it possible the umpires didn't really do their job that evening? Did you order the code red? You see what I'm saying, Randy Schaeber? I understand, but I think Sunny Gray doesn't need to cheat. be effective.

Sonny Gray is, if he doesn't win the American League Si Young, I'll be surprised. Maybe he's been cheating all along. Oh, wow. Again, I don't think

that's the case. Okay, so Sonny Gray was seen reaching for that area behind his ear between deliveries and immediately after receiving

fresh baseballs, for whatever reason, I think I know the reason, umpires didn't catch it, Well, I think it's really hard for opposing teams to miss anything that a pitcher is doing. They are watching him for any sort of advantages that they can take on a pitcher and if he's trying to cheat. Because we've seen opposing teams yell at the umpires to check players, you know, for their glit. loves for their...

Right. You know, they do allow the pictures now to, to, you know, put their fingers to their mouth before. That never used to be the case. You could never do that. That was against the rules. They do allow that now. But I just don't think Sonny Gray's one of those guys that's attempting to try to cheat. Well, some people think it's really hard.

There are certain parts of your body or certain parts of your head that you're going to... Now we're talking. Well, no, there are certain parts of your head you're going to... a sweat for them more. And if a pitcher is going to try something, that would be the area to maybe put a little something there because it mixes in with the sweat. And if the umpire checks them, you know, maybe the umpire is going to put his finger there and just, you know, it's going to be wet. Well, you don't know if it's a substance or if it's sweat. The bottom line is there are people who think that Sonny Gray was cheating with sticky substances behind his ear.

Now, they say they think that socks manager Chad, the manager of the Boston Red Sox is named Chad? Yeah, Chad Tracy. Some think the manager Chad Tracy pulled Sonny early to avoid backlash or a potential suspension.

I don't think that was the case. The most beautiful man to ever live and the greatest basketball player to ever play the game. Akeem Olajuwa. Yep. Now this doesn't change the way I feel about the dream, but unfortunately

his son, Abdul Malik Alajewan. has apparently decided to play college basketball at Southern Methodist University. We talked about this a couple of weeks ago where Malik Elajewan was made an offer by University of Minnesota. The dream even came to town and was hanging around Willam Arena with Jim Peterson. But unfortunately, he has decided to play in Dallas, Texas at Southern Methodist. He's a four-star prospect. Not a big man like his dad. he's a shooting guard.

That's disappointing. Boy, that would have been. That would have been fun. That would have been sweet. I mean, I enjoyed seeing Ralph Samson in the stands there for a couple of years. I like Ralph Samson, because his son played here, of course. But that's totally different if the dream was in town. I'd probably abduct him.

Nick, I just looked up SMU's schedule on the off chance they play the gophers. and they do. Pardon me? What now? At home? I mean, okay, you're just going to... It's in Dallas. I'm sorry. The Golden Gopers play Southern Methodist.

Yeah, this year on December 12th. But unfortunately it's not at Williams Arena. Well, that's all right. That would be cool. That would be fun. I'd probably be abducted to Kim Ilajawa. And I would blindfold him and tie his hands together. And I would bring him to Willem Arena.

And I'd force him to put on a golden gopher basketball. football uniform. Did you borrow this music from Brad? So you're thinking I want to do. Josh, why would you assume that I would... Oh, I thought this was my fantasy, too. I was... Oh, yeah.

Sorry, I had a different narrative going out in my head. Once I pulled that Golden Gopher uniform over his head, I would untie him and I would just... I would force him to teach me the dream. dream shake, which was his famous move on the post there. I'd had it forced him to teach me the dream shake. And some of these are probably saying, well, you know, you could ask the guy to teach. No, I want to abduct him.

You want to tie him on it. Yeah. You don't half ask something. You got to do it right. I'd love to see you, like, try to get his body in your vehicle. How am I going to get him out of the car, number one? That's going to be difficult. I can help.

I don't know how I'm going to get him out of him. You just got to ask. I love you, Akim Elijah, Juan. Don't be afraid of me. One of those big sprinter vans and take the seats out of the back, just kind of roll them in. He's actively working on getting a restraining order as we speak. Before we go, so many unhinged morons, we've got to do something about the morons. Let's see what you make of this.

This one's especially for you, Randy Shaver, being a tired old former track star at University of Iowa in the mid-60s. I think I got all the information there, right? No, you did not. Oh, you went where again? Iowa State, mid-70s. Oh, Iowa State. Let's see what you make of this. In Georgia, a college kid who used to run on his high school cross-country team,

apparently he's having trouble letting go. He has some unresolved anger from his days as a high school cross-country athlete, and obviously he has some other deep mental issues because the other day, Aiden is the kid's name, and I know what you're thinking. Sounds like a doucheback. Aidan is the kid. He's a 19-year-old. Now he's in college.

He showed up at a high school cross-country foot race. He hid in the woods. And then when a high school kid jogged by, he sprung out of the tall grass, and he started punching the piss out of this kid. He was trying to run a cross-country race. Come on. There had to be a personal connection. He said there wasn't. Oh, for Pete's sake, that's what's going to kill us.

He had rocks in his hands, so he had like makeshift brass knuckles while he's punching this kid. The lights right out of this height. The kid's like, you know, lost in his little running world, you know. He's humming a song. And suddenly he pops out of the woods and he's getting beaten up by a kid with rocks in his hands. Did he think like after he got done beating him up, that would just be the end of that? Nobody. I don't think he thought that far ahead.

That whole scenario, that situation would just go away? He probably just got to the point of beating him up and didn't think about that. From what I understand, the kid that was attacked goes to school at the rival to Aden's former high school. Yeah, okay. All right. So like a Minnetonka kid attacking a Wizzetta kid, and I don't recommend it, it's not going to end well for you, Skipper, Sissies, if you attack a Wysetic kid. Aiden dressed in costume of that rival high school. Do you see what I'm saying?

This is an HBO movie? He put on the rivals colors. So I think maybe Ashley he was thinking, okay, after I tune this high school kid up, they're going to think, oh, well, he must be a student at Blankety Blank High School because he was wearing the... One of his teammates must have beat him off. Yeah, friendly fire.

credit to the high school kid now. The high school kid said, oh, you want to dance, huh? And the high school kid turned the tables on this psycho virgin Aiden. The high school kid got some good licks in. As a matter of fact, if you look at Aden's mugshot, the high school kid lit him up pretty good. Didn't they say the high school kid grabbed the rock and like bashed him over his head? Oh, I didn't catch. You only rocks that I heard in the story.

I heard that Aiden had a fistful of rock. I didn't hear about the... That's going to turn way. There's got to be other people around to have seen that happen. Well, yeah, there were some people who saw it happen. I would just run right past. I don't want to be involved. Just keep going.

So the cops say that Aiden, who like I said is a college student now, well, probably not anymore. But the cops say that Aden, the angry moron, drove 100 miles and slept in his car overnight. Oh, my God. So he could be there to engage in a slap fight with the high school. cross-country runner. That's just insane. Didn't he go to arrival high school if they were 100 miles

away? Pardon me? Didn't you say he went to a rival high school? No, no, he's in college now. He's in graduate. He's in college. I got it. Now, this is what Josh was saying, because Randy said there's got to be a personal connection. Now, the cops asked Aidan,

why the hell did you attack that kid? Did you know him? Yeah. Do you have a history? And Aidan said, no, I got no bad blood with that kid. We're cool. We're cool. We're totally cool. What are you doing?

There you go. What does this say? You know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to go beat up a high school kid. Oh, HVAC delivery, Jesus. He wants to help me abduct to chemo-Lajuan. He says he's got a truck with a lift gate and a pallet jack. I will not be doing anything to harm a chemoaguan.

I would never, ever. He's my favorite human being. All right. So there you go. and you guys have a great weekend Randy Schaver Brad Ryder. Thank you. Okay. And we'll talk to you on Monday.

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Not available in all jurisdictions. Half-assed morning show. 93X. I'm not trying to be selfish, but I've got to say, today is our Friday. Maybe that's also your situation. Maybe it's not. No matter what your deal is, we hope you're doing just terrific. Welcome back to the 93X Halfass Morning Show.

So earlier, I asked you, Jay Browns here, I asked you, when was the last time you had to up and sock someone in the mouth? Josh said this, Dana said that. Ashley looked at my eyes and said, I can't tell you the last time. I can only tell you who's next. I recently looked around, and we shared some stories, I recently looked around on a website. called the Chivesky, and they had something or another in there about actors with the most punchable faces. And there's actually some science behind desperately wanting to punch someone's jaw loose just

by the sight of them. Since we brought it up before, I thought of a few actors, and this doesn't mean this is how I feel about them. Dump them on me, Covey. And none of this is meant to encourage anyone to punch a famous person or anybody. for that matter. Of course not. We're just talking trash. And it's nothing to do with their acting abilities or the type of person they are. You had a couple of thoughts, huh? And I thought like a smugness on his face, James Spader.

Oh, sure. James Spader, for some reason, seems kind of punchable. I shouldn't say James Spader himself, but his face. Especially back in the 80s, he was so perfect at playing that rich, arrogant douchebag. What was the name of that movie? Pretty and Pink. Yep. He is incredible in that movie. I love how he's supposed to be a high school. student, but he shows up to school with a cigarette in his mouth, dressed like Don Johnson from Miami Vice.

But he was great at playing a punchable character. Oh, you thought of an, or you made me think of another one. One of the greatest actors at playing a douchebag, I think, is Dave Franco. I love that guy. He's so good. He's so good at being a douchebag. So I'll put him on there, even though it's a gorgeous face. But man, is he a good douchebag?

Yeah. Casey Affleck, kind of has that face. His voice. Oh, you know what? I can't picture it. He's got this scratchy, crackly, falsetto voice. Oh, yes. I love him. Yeah, again, Ashley, it's just, we're talking punchable face.

Yeah, I don't think he's punchable. I loved him in Who Framed Jesse James. The coward of ballad of cowards. He was incredible in that movie playing the role of William Ford, Jillian Ford, Sylvester Ford, whatever the Ford guy was that killed Jesse Jay. Yeah. What about Colin Hanks? It's funny you say that. Yeah.

So this article on the chive starts off by saying, you ever just see a dude and think, man, that guy needs a punch to the yap. Some guys just have very punchable faces. Now here's where I mentioned there's some level of science behind it. I see the text machine blowing up. If you've got an idea on an actor, you'd like, like to punch him square in the face. We're at 6-5-1-551-93-93.

That's our Luther, Bloomington, Key, a text line. Someone already texted in about Pete Davidson. Oh, yeah, a few of those came in. David Schwimmer, a few people texted in on that. Oh, gosh. I just want to punch him in the face. I want to kneecap him. Dave Schwimmer.

Yeah, he's got a face on him that troubles me right from the get-go. I get aggravated right from the get-go. So, anyway, here's the science. It says researchers. at the University of California found that most of the time, when we look at someone's mug, a famous person or otherwise, we don't think violence. But some facial features take us in a different direction.

Those features make us want to punch their mouth loose. And the researchers say it's a combination of a few things. A slight smirk that comes off as smugness, like you were just saying about, you were saying about, James Spader. Eyes that seem to be looking down on you, even if they're not. And a jawline that implies confidence that they haven't earned yet. So this is just like a natural reaction in your brain.

You can't explain it. Or maybe I just did. And apparently, these are the actors that have that combination that make us want to punch them in. the dome giver, something primal. So here is who they, oh, Danny McBride, I couldn't agree more. A listener just texting it about it. I hate that guy.

Anyway, here are the actors that The Chive covered, and number one is Colin Hanks. You just said it out loud. Tom Hanks' son. He seems like such a nice guy, too, but it's the face. It's a topic. He does. I mean, I'm telling you.

He seems like a great dude. There's something about it. It's just, yeah, I don't know what it is. Colin Hanks. I'll roll through the ones that I think you'd recognize because they added some, I mean, at least for me. Well, maybe I'll read all of them because just because I don't recognize them doesn't mean you folks won't.

I don't watch television. Here's a cat that I did just see on television the other day. His name is Eddie Redmayne. Anybody? Oh, was he in the Jackal TV show? The Jackal version? I have no. I saw him in a movie called.

Yeah, he was. I saw him in a movie just the other day. It's good. It's called My Weekend with Maryland or My Week with Maryland. It's about an English kid who spends some time with Marilyn Monroe in the 1940s or something. Yeah, he does have a punchable look. Definitely. The dude who played The Shermanator.

His name is Chris Owen. The chive listed him as having a very punchable mug. That one, when we brought this up earlier, that text came in a few times. people totally agree with the Shermanator. I hated the Shermanator. There's nothing funny about it? No, he wasn't funny at all. The Shermanator was a douche.

He needed to be deleted from that movie. Okay. Next, on the Chives list, at least, is Walton Goggins. Oh, yes. Now, I never knew that was his name, and if you don't know who Walton Goggins is, he does a lot of ads these days on television

for an insurance company or something. But what I remember him, the character that I remember, in case you're foggy about it, he was the lead dickhead in that Jamie Fox movie where he kills everyone. He's a slave and he kills everyone. Django and Chain? He was the lead dickhead.

I mean, right under Leo DiCaprio, you guys know what I'm talking about. He's in a TV show with a really, I bet a guy that you absolutely hate, an actor that you hate. Ah, shoot. Adam Sandler. No, he's got a, It's right.

Just gemstones with Danny McBride. Yeah, we mentioned Danes. I just mentioned that I have zero interest in Danny McBride. He's in Fallout, the new Fallout. So there you go. Walton Goggins. He's in a lot of Tarantino movies, I'm sure you know. Okay, next, they go, is this guy a comic?

Pete Holmes? Yes. Yeah. Very punchable face. You think so? I mean, I guess. Oh, I've never seen the guy before in my life. And as soon as I saw the picture, I want to punch him.

You wouldn't like him. Big energy. Very loud. Here's a guy called Barry Kogan, Keegan. I'm reading these in case you guys know him because I have no idea. Tony Hinchcliff. All right, I'll keep moving. Ben Schwartz.

I don't know, yeah. That guy can be great and not so great. When he's playing the John Ralphio character, very punchable in the face, but he seems like a very fun guy, you know, and everything else he does. I enjoy him quite a bit. All right, I don't know him, but when we first brought this up two hours ago, Dana said, don't tell me, Miles Teller. And he is on the Chives list of actors with a punchable.

Oh, did you say Miles Teller? I said Glenn Powell. Yeah, he said Glenn Powell. Same movie. You're thinking of from Top Gun Maverick. And I can see both of them, although I enjoy both of them very much. I got my Top Gun actors mistaken. You sure did.

You want to punch who? Glenn Powell. Okay, this guy is Miles Teller. I guess I can see that. A little smug. I wonder if that's kind of the reason. He's got that kind of cool guy smirk. a little bit.

Yeah, you could see it. Now, the text machine went wild. That's it for the chive people that I think you'd reckon. The text machine earlier from our listeners, it went wild. 651-551-93-93. Everyone telling us the actor who they want to straighten out with a right hook. What about women? Yeah, they don't go after women here, Ashley.

You don't do that around here. You go ahead. You want us to punch a woman? I think of, and people give me crap for this all the time. Zoe, Zoe Dashnell. Oh, I love her. I don't know what it is. I just want to punch her in her face.

You want to just right in the friggin' eye socket? And every single time I say that, people are like, oh, is it because she's just hotter than you? No, it has nothing to do with that. She is gorgeous. Is it because... She's not hotter than you, by the way. Oh, yes, she is.

Is it because she's so quirky? Yes. Dude, I can't stand it. Those people who are quirky just to be. be, okay. Actually, actually, there was one female that was mentioned by Lister. One female. She came out of nowhere. Someone texted and said they want to punch Sissy SpaceX. Oh, my God. I'm trying to think of the last time. She got me 75 years old. Sissy SpaceX, yeah, from Carrie. And I'm missing, I'm sure, many other. She was a very high, still is to this day, considered one of the greatest actresses.

Sissy Space. I can't think of anything other than Carrie. That's really funny that somebody brought her. Yeah. It'd be a pretty easy fight then if she's 75. Next week there's a Carrie TV show coming out, Nick. Were you aware of this on Prime Video? I won't follow it. You know that. I'll try it out.

I love the original movie. Oh my God. I watch it anytime it shows up on my toe. Yeah, Sissy Space Act. I could beat her ass. Even when she was young. You think you could take her back in the day? Oh, she weighed 72 pounds in it. She was fiery. I could kick her ass.

Here's a listener who says, I'd punch Matt Damon in the mouth, but I'm not sure I could stop it just one. Toby McGuire, a listener says, I can't stand it. He just always looks so confused. You're so right. They want to knock him in the mouth

until he's not so confused. Oh, I could see you wanting to punch Joaquin Phoenix. I know he drives you nuts sometimes. Oh, yeah, he does. Great actor. Yeah, a lot of these are great. wildly talented. I loved him in the Johnny Cash movie,

Joaquin Phoenix, but what makes me nuts about him is the same thing that makes me nuts about Mel Gibson. Can you make a movie where you don't cry? Just one movie. Make one movie where you don't cry. That's what drives me nuts about those two guys. One of our listeners wants to punch

Woody Harrelson in the friggin' yap. Leave him alone. But, you know, a lot of this is credit to these actors, isn't it? Yes, absolutely. They play such convincing. ass hats that you can't help yourself. I can totally see

Woody Harrelson being punchable in the right character. I love the guy. Here's this one, Josh. It says, if I see Kevin Bacon out in public, I'm going to roundhouse kick his ass. Oh, man. I love Kevin Baker. Yeah, what did Bacon do to you? But again, yeah, I'm trying to picture just

the face. That's the topic. Yeah, it's nothing that any of them have done. It's just their face. And this dude wants to roundhouse him. Aaron Rogers. A lot of people texting it on Aaron. He has a punchable face. This is nothing about personality. It's just his face. He has a punchable personality.

I mean, yes, there are a lot of listeners. I'm not going to talk about his personality, but I'll say his face is punchable. There are a lot of people who went beyond the parameters and selected a non-actor to be punched. And Karen is a great answer. I just had a thought and I lost it. Oh, yeah. Well, this is concerning. some lister just texted and said better put your guard up kevin gorg

no not kevin gorgie another lister wants to punch e t well you wanted him to die too oh no i'm not arguing i also hate e t duck you jesus says scut farcass from a christmas story yeah he's got a punchable face good one you know how long it took me to realize the kids name is Scut? I found that out two years ago. I had no idea. Not that I'm a big fan of that movie. I think I've only watched it once, but you know,

you hear every Christmas, you hear the jokes and the Scut Fork has beat me up in the ha ha Christmas store. Why wasn't it just Scott? Why did they? I don't know why they did that. I've got to take a deep breath on this one, Josh. According to our listening audience, these are the actors who have the most punchable faces. Charlie from always sunny needs to eat his own teeth. Oh, you hate him. Jesse, well, that wasn't my comment. That was Jesse Eisenberg, Mike Myers, Christoph

Waltz, Travis Kelsey Swift. Here's a question. Do radio personalities count? No, but you couldn't take us even if you tried. Sean Penn, Zach Braff, Tofer Grace, Fred Savage,

Scott Kahn, Nicholas K. Scott Kahn? Yeah, something. I was. I wouldn't He didn't come to mind, but that's a decent answer. I think he's on the current edition of Hawaii 5-0. Yeah. That's correct. Yeah.

For Christ's sake. Nicholas Cage, Will Ferrell, Jonah Hill. Does Shea Gilgis Alexander count? Yes, he does. Ashton Coucher, Jim Harbaugh, Kevin Hart, Adam Scott, who played Derek from Stepbrothers. Another guy I love, 100%. Seth Rogen, Ben Stiller, Matthew.

McConnorahey, Jerah Seinfeld, Jeremy Piven, Colin Jost. Jost. He even titles autobiography, My Punchable Face. Yeah, he knows he's got a punchable face. Papa C. Jesus says, can you change it and pick an actor to punch you? I'll go first. Selma Haya. Yeah, absolutely. Here's a few people who go into a little more detail.

with the actor that they feel has the most punchable face and oh we're not trying to condone any violence here this is just a fun conversation but road ripping Jesus said I would like to knock John Cusack's head smooth off his shoulders John Cusack here's a good one from Marshall the if you watch the boys you'll get the reference here the deep and homelander from the boys yeah Homeland. He's got an odd name, right? The actor.

I got to look that up. He definitely had, he might lead the list in punchable faces. From the boys. Yeah. I got to look up his name. We go from the boys to, and you guys can take a minute off here because I know you have no idea what straight pipe Jesus and I are talking about. But from the boys to the cowboys, one of my favorite all-time movies, John Wayne's final movie, I believe. We're going to finish the job.

Straight Pipe Jesus says Bruce Dern, who was the bad guy in the movie The Cowboys. Dude, you ain't kidding. When I was a kid, the very first time I saw that movie, all I wanted to do was get my hands around his neck and choke him unconscious. Bruce Dern, he's probably dead by now. But Straight Pipe Jesus says, I wanted to punch him square in the upper lip when watching the movie The Cowboys. I've heard you say that before. It must have been pretty bad. It's such a great, great movie, and Bruce Dern is absolutely...

Okay, this one's interesting, Josh. A listener says Garfield's owner, John, had a punchable face. Yeah, you know, his personality kind of, too. No, what are I doing a single all the time? All right, here's the actor that plays Homelander. Antony Star. Two R's at the end of that. Antony.

Antony Star. That's perfect. That was last name of Star. Dan Aykroyd, Dana Carvey, Quentin Tarantino. So here's a guy who says, Chris Rock, Will Smith hit him. Now I want to hit him. John Matusak. Oh, I recognize the name.

Anyone? Nope. Dana, you should know this one. Former NFL player. He's probably dead at this point. I'm not sure. But a listener says, I want to punch John Matusak. He's the guy who played sloth in the goonies.

Okay. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's familiar. Yep. Sloth. guys.

In the Goonies. Two more very interesting answers here. To the actor, who you feel like they have the most punchable face. Never in a million years did I think we would head in this direction when this

conversation started. I agree. Henri from Cheers. Henri, that arrogant French bastard who was trying to steal Kelly away from Woody. Henri, yeah. Oh, I was hoping someone was going to knock him on his side.

But at times he would pull Kelly in front of him to protect himself from. And finally, a listener says, John Mellencamp can catch these hands any day. We get it. You come from a small town. He's always telling us. We got to go. We hope you folks have an unbelievable weekend.

Just absolutely unbelievable. Best weekend ever, we hope. Shout out to dump trucker Mark. tuning in to this garbage here this morning. Happy birthday tomorrow to smokesgrass, cuts grass, Jesus, and C.C. Bug, turn in the big 07. Happy 11th to Stella from her dad and our longtime pal, Leon. Happy 42nd to Ashley from your lesser half.

Lives in Corcoran and goes to Mama G's too much, Jesus. And happy 70th birthday to me, Ma, from Father of Seven Jesus and your favorite grandkids, Fiona and Emmett. Well, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys blow the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standard heating.com today and book that tune-up.

Mention 93x and save a big double nickel. Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up.