93X Half-Assed Morning Show - RIIIGGGHHHTTT?!?!?!

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

Originally Aired August 14, 2026: Paralyzing poop. Helicopter moms. Everything you've ever wanted to know about owning the sun.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hapass Morning Show. Ninety-three. We're approaching the exit ramp. We're rolling our way up that exit ramp, and once we get there, Covey, at 9 a.m., we're going to scatter like cockroaches. We out?

Damn near. All right. Until then, we'll do our best to make like we care. Today's our Friday here on the 93-H-Half-Hast morning show. I love when it times up with other. People's Fridays, box tossing Jesus, he texted earlier saying today's his Friday as well. Who's that, the box tosser? Yeah. Sure. He'll toss your box if you want. That's kind of cool. It's his Friday. No, I hear what you mean.

I like it when our Friday matches up with others. I'm really glad everybody's here. I was kind of worried it would just be you and me today, Nick. Both of our coworkers almost died. One of them I witnessed yesterday. Tell me about these near-death experiences. I was confused for a second. Well, yeah, I'll explain. Ashley sent me a picture. The paper towel dispenser in the ladies' room tried to kill her yesterday. Oh, no. Yeah.

I was sitting there just, you know, doing what you do to the paper towel dispenser, hitting that little lever. Paper towel, paper towel, paper towel. And then boom. It just fell off the wall into me. It smashed into her face. It hurt, actually. And those things are big.

It was so loud. I screamed a little. And it was like, oh, gosh, someone's going to come in here, make sure I'm okay, I think. Didn't leave a mark on your mush. No. You sent me a photo. By the way, I was a little nervous when I realized she just sent me a picture from the ladies' room. But it was just the carnage that was left of that thing.

That's just the state of this building. I was just going to say, that just makes total sense. What do you mean? I haven't checked the bathroom. I wonder if it's still off the wall on the floor. This place is beautiful. This place is so well put together. So you took a paper towel dispenser right to the mug.

It's ridiculous. What's happening? Did you lose consciousness at any time? I don't think so. No. Was I acting a little weird after I... No, I mean, you... Well, I didn't know this.

The last 30 minutes of the show or so. Oh, this happened yesterday before the show was over? Yeah. Oh, I was unaware. No, you seem fine. Okay. You kind of have a new appreciation for life, I noticed. That happened sometimes.

Oh, you got such a lawsuit pending. You're so lucky. I've got a list, dude. You're going to be rich. You still got all your teeth? Yep. Well, I also was worried about Dana because I don't remember. remember exactly how this started, but that was it Daphne and Celeste, that UGLY song?

You ain't got no alibi? Oh, that's right. Yeah, I almost, yeah, Ashley almost murdered me yesterday. Oh, that was fun. He directed that towards her, not realizing the song lyrics, I think. You started to, you got right up to the UGLY part when talking to Ashley, and I challenged you to go ahead and finish that. I wanted to hear you do the UGLY part, but you never made it.

No, no. It was a close call. Ashley was looking at you like, go ahead, finish that one guy. I dare you. I dare you, M-F-er. Dude, that's exactly what I was just like, huh, I wonder if he's going to do it. Yeah, I don't remember. How did that come up? There's something about alibis or something, and then I said, U-G-L-I.

No, you didn't get to know. Who knows what happens. Yeah, I'm not sure what happened, but I thought, you know, you can't do that to her when she almost died about 30 minutes ago. Yeah, Dana. Well, see, I wasn't aware that a towel dispenser tried to kill her. Otherwise, maybe we would have thought twice about that. Oh, man, this text says that.

The guy at work had his nose broken from the paper towel dispenser. It flipped open and hit him on the bridge of the nose. Yeah, dude, those things are heavy. That's what you people get for washing your hands. You know what, Dina? Or drying your hands. That's so funny that you say that because it wasn't from washing my hands. I was cleaning my pump parts.

I normally am not a supporter of washing hands. Yeah, I was going to clean your pump parts. That's good. You were cleaning the different little pieces that make up your breast pump? Yep. I guess for some people, wash your hands could be considered washing your pump parts. Yeah. Gross.

That's good. Tushay. So there's been a lot of drama around here the last 24 hours. Yeah, that's pretty good. I thought, gosh, that is such a metaphor for this falling. part building here. It's just crumbling around us. I'm happy everyone turned out all right. How long do you think that stall door was off in the bathroom, Nick?

I don't remember there being. Oh, oh, in the men's room. The back room. We don't use that one anymore. In the men's room, we had the big giant stall and then a little tiny stall. The door on the little tiny stall was missing for months. It reminded me of taking a at the state fair. when I was a kid. Back in the 70s and into the 80s, there were plenty of men's rooms at the state fair

that had no doors on the stalls. So you just walk by and just waved everybody as he went. I remember that. So crazy. I remember seeing D's hanging. Oh, wow. I would be so uncomfortable. Now, the farm boys didn't care.

Yeah, sure. When I was a kid, I was always embarrassed by that. Or any of the folks who served in the military, they were used to it. But, you know, I was an eight, nine-year-old kid walking in seeing nothing but rods and nuts, you know, guys sitting right on the open, thrown right in the middle of the bathroom. No stalls, no walls, no nothing. That's how it used to be back in the day. But yes, we did have one stall door missing here in the building for a couple years. I don't know. It was forever. Somebody tried to fix it once. It was so long that we didn't really even

notice it after a while. And I used it once or twice. I used the stall with the I wouldn't be able to do that. Missing door just because I, there's nobody here anymore. My chances were pretty good that no one was going to walk in. Okay, you'll be fine. Yeah. Oh, cripes. Sometimes I leave the stall door open just because I'm in, like, a rush. I don't know.

I just don't take the three seconds to close it, because there's only one other woman in the building at this time of day, and I rarely ever run into her in the bathroom. But yesterday, I did that, and then I heard the bathroom door open. I was like, oh, shoot. So I went to go, like, shut the door quick. And then I went out there, and nobody was, out there. I was like, did she see

that the door was open and was like, oh my gosh, weirdo, and just left? Could be. Odds are, you're going to be okay. Like you said, only one other woman in the building when we're here. Yeah. Usually. She caught me to it once, and I was like, sorry, sometimes I'm just, like, lazy. She's like, that's weird.

Oh. Oh. I thought you liked watching people pee. I guess it is weird. The stalls without a door, this person says, they affectionately call those display stalls. So they know what we're talking about. They've been in bathrooms like that before.

You don't encounter that anymore, really. Some of them are like little apartments. I mean, there's just no gaps. There's, you can't even see the feet. Very nice. A listener has texted in to say that Talladega Super Speedway was like that for many years, no doors on the stalls and 250,000 drunk rednecks. I wanted to go back to something we talked about yesterday, too.

We had a fun moment on air with our veterinarian friend, Andrea Johnston. While we were live on air with Andrea, and she was dishing out advice on your house pets, her mother texted the program, and her mother thought that we had mispronounced Andrea's last name. It was cute. Her mother was right there listening to the show, texted in and said, You know, her last name is not Johnson, it's Johnston. And we had a fun time joking back and forth with Andrea about her mama. Now, earlier in the program also yesterday, we had a conversation about an NFL quarterback by the name of Jaden Daniels.

Now, this is on a much crazier scale, but we understand that Jaden Daniels, quarterback for the Washington Commodores, don't you know? We understand his mother is kind of an overprotective maniac. So we did get a couple of text messages on overprotective, over-involved mothers. Here's just a few. I wanted to make sure we got a chance to recognize them today because the folks made an effort to text in. Over-protective, over-involved mothers. Here's a guy who said, my mother over-involved herself in my relationship and the planning of my wedding to the point where my wife and I canceled the wedding and ended up getting married with a justice of the peace just because

mom was such a pain in the ass. Oh, boy. Sorry. Another said, here's a guy now he had been already married for eight years, and he said he said he was quite happy. He's standing there with his wife of eight years, and his mother says to him, I wish you would have married someone that you loved. That's crazy talk right there.

Oh, man. That's crazy talk. Would this be the toughest one to get past? Okay, Josh, you had our first guy. He had to just alter his wedding plans altogether. More importantly, her wedding plans, right? His fiancé at the time, I'm sure, was way more worried about how the wedding went down than he was. But he had to shut down plans for a traditional wedding and just go see a justice to the piece

because his mother was such a train wreck. Then you got the other guy's mom. here who says something totally inappropriate in front of his wife. Would this be the toughest one to get over? I think it would. Guy said, without me knowing, my mother called my boss. Oh, no. And told my boss that I needed a raise and a promotion.

Yeah, that's terrible. He said I didn't find out about it until years later. Oh, that's even worse. Dude. That sucks. Especially, you know, he never says anything to the boss. because he didn't know, the boss is probably going to think that he was hitting on it. Mom?

Boy, this mama's boy, son of a bitch. Oh, that's too bad. Yeah, the boss probably thought the worst of him. Yeah. Did it work? He didn't say. Maybe that's what we need to be doing. I'm going to guess it didn't work.

I just imagine, like, what our boss, what Derek would think if my mom called him up, called him up. He'd be like, what? You know what? He's such a nice guy. He'd probably not think much about it at all. He might even take it into consideration. You're right. You're right, Patty.

Well, she'd have to text him because he doesn't answer regular telephone calls. He's such a hipster like that. He won't answer the telephone. That's funny how that goes. One more here. You could say that's a young person's game, right? You know, we grew up on phone calls. Me and him are the same age, so he's not a young person.

Yeah, but he embraces all of the current... He's trendy. He's a much younger 20 or a 51 year old than I am. He kind of embraces the young people's wants and needs a little more than the rest of us. Hell, he still goes to music festivals. Who has the energy for that? He does, and he goes to like hip restaurants. I mean, he knows more about Minneapolis in the Twin Cities than I do, and I've lived here my entire life.

I grew up Minneapolis. I have to ask him, hey, what's the nice place I could go for my anniversary? Exactly. The guy's been here five minutes, but he knows way more than I do. Yeah, based on his personality, and I guess I don't really stare at his face too much, but I would have never guessed that he was 51, ever. Oh, yeah? The way he dresses and...

Yeah, I mean, I'd say, shoot, even like 42 max. By the way he dresses, yeah, I would think he was much younger, but I still think his face is kind of a train wreck. Anyway, one more text here on overprotective, over-involved mothers. Well, this is a little different. I mean, it's certainly different, but this is more just weird than anything. You know, not like this mother sabotaged a guy's standing at work or anything like that. But dude says when I was a senior in high school, my mother met my girlfriend for the first time, and my mother complimented her rack.

So just a little odd that mom would want to make a comment about your girlfriend's cans. I mean, maybe you just got to know her because some people can say that kind of thing. And for whatever reason, it's not as shocking as maybe somebody else. That's just maybe how they are. I'm sure it was shocking to the girlfriend in the moment. Yeah, unless he had given her a heads up, like, hey, my mom might compliment your rack. Boy, look at those puppies. Those are keepers right there. Nice boobs. Good job, son.

How would you handle that, Ashley? Would you think, oh, that's funny or, hey, thank you very much? I'd probably think it was funny. I mean, it'd be weird if I dated a girl whose dad complimented my bulge or where the bulge should be. I mean, I'd be glad if just one person said it, but that might be an odd person to throw that out there. I guess it depends if they'd be, if they were, like, popping out. Like, it was obvious that, like, I wanted to show some cleavage, then I would take it more as funny. But if I was, like, wearing, like, a sweater or something, I'd be like, okay, why are you staring at my head?

chest to see what they look like. By God, Cubby a gal who texted in here, she's always hurt. Her name is always hurt shezes. Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry to hear that. She says this now on the topic of over-involved, over-protective. Let's just go ahead and say it, badass crazy mothers. She said, my mother-in-law, my mother-in-law, looked at my husband when our son was born,

and said, well, at least we know he's yours. I would beat somebody's ass. No. No. Uh-uh. Take a look at that baby. Yeah. We can tell that belongs to you, son.

I'm not going to call her overprotective. But my buddy's mom, when we were growing up, awesome lady. I mean, honestly, just a great person. You're not going to talk about the naked people again, are you? No, but that was her husband. Oh, those naked people, no, these are completely different. Completely different. Okay.

He was, you know, kind of a bad boy, not a bad person, but he just kind of did whatever he wanted. And so he would sneak out a lot of night. Like a spoiled little, is what he was. Yeah, he wasn't spoiled, but he just was like. He ran the household. He just didn't care. He just didn't care. So he would do whatever he wanted.

He would sneak out a lot and stuff like that. And so, again, I'm not going to call her overprotective because I understand. So she'd obviously be concerned. She wakes up at 2 in the morning. Her kid's gone. So he would call, or she, excuse me, would call. all of our houses and wake up our parents. And it happened so often that I was getting in trouble.

Like my dad would be yelling at me. Like, you've got to try and rein this guy in. We can't be getting phone calls at 2 in the morning and stuff. You know, I get it. He was frustrated. And so it was to the point where we all just sit him down like, dude, we are going to kick your ass. You've got to stop doing this.

We're all getting yelled at by our parents. Or at least before you sneak out the house, disconnect your folks telephone line. Do something, right? We can't have these 2 a.m. phone calls. So, yeah, I can't call her overprotective, but we got that phone call probably twice a week for a lot of years. Yeah, I hear you. That's fun. Some of your mothers are just straight up crazy.

And, you know, moms often run the household. Yeah. You know how it is. Dad's kind of sit there cluelessly, and mom runs the operation. I did see another question going around the godless Internet. And the question is, what's the weirdest thing? What's the weirdest thing that's completely normal in your household? Now, I can't say that my wife and I have anything really weird going on.

It helps that we don't have any children. Usually children are the springboard for weirdness. We don't have that problem. But so if I was to go back to when I was a kid growing up with my folks and my brother and sister, I would say probably the weirdest thing that we had going on was how we all sat around in our drawers. We would spend too much time all sitting around in our underwares. I don't know why, but it was a situation where we'd all pop out of bed and then wander the household in our dirty underwears.

Even your mom and sister? Yeah. My mother would come out of the bedroom, you know, getting ready for work in her bra and underwear. wear. My dad openly walked around in his tiny little bikini briefs. He was the, he was the mayor of that operation. He was always just in it. And so as kids, we also, as kids, I mean, well, you know, probably even into junior high in high school, I guess, yeah. We would, we were just, in my opinion, because if I had a real household with children, I would not allow this. We were all way to, if I could think of one thing that would be perceived as weird, we were all way too comfortable.

walking around for half the day in just our drawers. The thought of it now turns my stomach. You guys were almost nudists. You were working your way there. Yeah, you're pretty close. Yeah, that was, that's all. So again, the weirdest thing that's completely normal in your household. I don't know where the rest you is would go,

but that's what I remember. Tell me more, you described your mom, you described your dad. I'd like you to get into your sister, kind of what she looked like running around the house. Her bras, Josh, her bras, her bras, very undersized for what she was carrying around. It's so hot. There was a lot of side boob, a lot of underboob.

Yeah. You know, what about, you know what, that under butt? Was there any of that? Underbutt? Yeah. Was there some of that going around? Well, no, I don't know what underbutt is. It's the same as like underboot.

A lot of ass cheek. So like boy shorts type. Basically. She didn't wear underwear on the bottom. Yeah. Gulp. Yeah. She was Canadian.

Yeah, and she was always just so sweaty and in a hurry. Oh, geez. It's always slow motion. There's always wind blowing at her hair. And all of a sudden, who happened? She's on a trampoline. We don't know how to. What happened?

Oh, she's eating another popsicle. This is terrible. The fastest I ever saw Nick Run is when I explained to him that there was a girl he had a crush on eating a banana. Oh, wow, I bet. And, you know, the best part about that wasn't a, how fast he ran, but it was, at first he was confused, looking at me like, why, why is that information I'd want it? And then he realized what was going on. He sprang from his chair and ran to take a look at that. I did. And you're right, there was a pause there. Josh ran into

trying to start an old car. Josh ran into the room. I think I even had my feet up. Yeah. I was reclined in a chair with my feet up. And he said, get out here. Missy's eating a banana. And it was three, two, one. Oh my God! It dawned on me what that meant. And I ran. And he was right. Missy was eating a banana.

Was it great? Yeah, it was great. So what's the weirdest thing that happened in your household? I'm having some trouble. Yeah, me too. I mean, there was just so many people that... That was the weird thing. Folks thought it was kind of weird.

Yeah, that was definitely the weird thing. It was, you know, a mix, right? So it wasn't like just a big family with, you know, seven siblings or something. It was just kind of a mix of people. The sharing of the bedroom with your cousin and your brother, right? Yep. Yeah, that's weird. Really, I never thought it was weird.

You had no choice unless one of you just wanted to sleep in a car, right? I think the weird part would be how sometimes I would have a hatrick of urination where I pee all of our bed. That was probably the weirdest thing about your childhood. And from the stories you've told us, there was a lot of really weird activity over there. you're forgetting some things. Probably. Probably, yeah, maybe you urinated all over the house like a damn stray dog. Yeah, I don't know what was going on.

Yeah, you went for the hatcher more than once, right? At least a few times. To the point where my brother, my cousin knew if I ended up in their bed in the middle of the night, they knew what happened in my bed. Yeah, sure. You know, it's only until like maybe my freshman or sophomore year in high school. Serial killer stuff, right? Honestly, yeah.

It is. It's just, it doesn't seem like you. Yeah, I'm not a bedwet or anymore. It's just so weird to like, do you guys know that? I've heard some stories. I guess I believe you. I wonder if I'll get there again at old age. You know, I got a 51-year-old prostate now.

Yeah, just come full circle with it. Yeah. Wake up in the guest room because your wife goes, ah, did he pee the bed again? Local 34 Jesus is bringing up my grandma's breasts. Yeah, I saw them. And were they fantastic? Unfortunately, they were, best I've ever seen.

But she didn't typically show them off or anything. It was just a late night. Oh, speaking, going to the bathroom, had to go. She left her door open when she was changing. I don't know that that was a regular thing. I never saw it before or afterwards, thank God. She was stacked. So, yeah, I know.

So I can't call that necessarily odd, just very bad timing. Yeah, just coincidence. I'm just proud you got to the bathroom that night. It was like a two-for-one. A, you made it to the bathroom. And B, you got to see those of great cans. I never made it to the bathroom because I turned around and went right back.

a bad. And you paid your bad. I was shaking. I couldn't believe what happened there. Oh, that was terrible. I am finding a couple of text messages here, 651, 989, 93. People are continuing to talk about their weird mothers, their crazy mothers. Ginger Machine Jesus said that one of his mother's favorite things to say to people

when he and his mother are together and they meet someone and they talk for a little while. he says, one of his mother's favorite things to say is, can you believe this is my son, right? And that's like a typical little line, right? All of our parents have probably said that. Can you believe he's mine, right? But he says his mother would take it a step too far. She would say, can you believe this is my son?

Pause. He came out of my vagina. Oh. And so I think Ginger Machine Jesus, his gripe here is, why do you need to add in that graphic detail at the end? We all know how a baby falls out. Why do we, why do he, why does mom have to directly mention her vagina? Yeah, that seems unnecessary.

It is unnecessary. And he's been battling with it. He says his entire life. Why you got to bring up your VJ or what do you call it, VJJ? Why, mother? That's just how it goes, Cubby. Yeah. I'm trying to think if I know anybody that talks like that around their kids or if I had a friend

whose parents talk like that. I mean, I had friends whose parents swore. Oh my God. Right. At the time that was so scandalous, and I was like, wow, these guys are cool. They know these bad words, and they can say those in front of their kids, and their kids can swear in front of them. I mean, I couldn't say anything even close.

My parents get, or my dad doesn't care. He's trying to get my son to say swear words. But my mom, if I cuss around my baby, she's like, you shouldn't be doing that. Like, he's going to go to school one day and cussing. I was like, cool. I hope he does. That's fine. It's like they're just words.

I don't want to make them, because I think, at least for me, when I was younger, the fact that they were so off limits, that's what made them so appealing to me. And so I wanted to say them more. Oh, I understand. Sure. And you want to feel like an adult. Yeah. So I thought like, hey, maybe if you kind of make it more of a, just like it's any other word, maybe that'll help. Obviously, there are limits.

I hope he's not going to go around saying the C word all day. cursing is just as much fun today as it was the first time I did it. When my cousin, who's bet I wet a few times, when his son was in kindergarten, my cousin got a call saying, hey, you got to get into school here. We got something to talk about. And I guess his son was having trouble zipping up his coat to go out to recess.

The worst. And so he threw out a really loud, mother effer, this effing zipper, mother effer. And so, of course, you know, when my cousin finds out, He has a foul mouth. He thought it was hilarious. Oh, I would be dying. He thought like, why did I have to leave work for this?

That's frigging funny. It's good. Yeah, but they were not having it at the school. Not at all. No, the school usually got a little uppity about that. But that's how it goes. All right. Those of you from weird upbringings with crazy mothers

or those of you who caught a break in that department. Doesn't matter who you are. We're hoping you have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend. here's a guy who just texted in he wants to know about the rules of swearing on the radio we don't even know no we don't why can we say bitch but we can't say I don't know some other Jay Brown made the rules

a hundred years ago and we're still more or less following those same rules there's no way we could explain that it seems to change and I'm still confused and sometimes you can kind to say something right as you don't pair it with something else exactly it's a friggin mess and then there's FCC rules corporate rules Corporate, FCC. O'Doyle rules. Dude.

Cheesehead for life, Jesus. He said my mom would walk out of the shower Topless until I was 13. I always thought that was weird. See, it is. It is. Especially if you as a child think it's, like, that's uncomfortable. You were abused to a certain level there.

Earth probing Jesus said my girlfriend's dad used to walk around his house and his underwear while I was there. He didn't think that was cool. Oh, God. I mean, yeah. I'd be a little uncomfortable. I could speak on that all day long. Does he want me to see this?

Or is he saying, hey, it's just my house. I can do what I want. And it would have been a totally different story if my dad could have found underwear that fit. He never could. Oh, it's too small or too big? Way too small. That's so gross to think of. I've told you the tiny little bikini briefs like he was some European whack bag on vacation in Bermuda or something.

Boxers would be cool. like at least that kind of, I don't know, covers a little bit more of your skin, but like, seeing your dad's butt cheeks out there? Poor man. Ashley, I prayed for butt cheeks. Oh, no.

And my friends prayed that it was only going to be butt cheeks. He didn't care. Smoke hanging out of his yap. And again, I've mentioned before, the color choices were so odd. White, black, gray? No.

No? With light blue, burgundy, purple. What? Yeah, he just... What a goopy guy. I like that. There was never a human being, ever, more comfortable in his own skin than my dad, had absolutely zero interest in what people thought of his appearance.

Never cared. So that was... Good for him. I don't think I could pull off black underwear. Too sexy. I don't know. I don't think I have. You're right about that.

Don't you think? Yeah. You're right. I don't even want to think of that. Stop it. I'm sorry to do that to you. No, get out of my head. And I imagine what, when my dad would shop for underwear once every five or six years,

I'm guessing the white, black and gray pack, probably because it was more popular, cost a nickel more than the burgundy, yellow, purple, light blue pack. So, of course, that's what he would sweep into his basket. And we all had to suffer for it. We got to take a break on this beautiful Friday. when we return, we'll go ahead with that stupid news report. We'll be back in a few minutes. 93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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Everything else is team-oriented. The motivation, it was a sort of anger. at myself for being weak. That ends up being the driving factor. That anger, that pride, that ego, I think it's a muscle. It gets stronger. When you take that voice seriously, you start to change your life. Mike drop. Follow and listen on your favorite

platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Word up. Word up and word life. If you don't mind me going back to something we covered earlier. Sorry if you missed it.

We were discussing overprotective, over, what the hell word did I write down here, Josh? Involved, maybe? Thank you, yeah. Overprotective, over-involved, possibly badass crazy mothers. Folks were texting in about they mama. I really hope my son can't call me this one day. Oh, you're going to be totally out of control. I'm trying.

I can already tell. I can already tell the kid ain't even one yet. I'm going to be weird. You're going to be a total mess. You're going to be people. People up on his behalf. Yeah, yeah. You're going to get way, way, way too involved.

You're going to get kicked out of some of his games. So a couple of text messages came in on these badass crazy mothers. Starting with a really interesting one from Calista Jesus. He says, I was adopted as a baby. But my mother would insist on telling people that I wasn't. Strange. Yeah, that's just straight up strange. When I was a teenage kid, I told a friend that I was adopted, and she grounded me for a week.

Let me speak my truth, Mom. I wonder why she was upset by that. Maybe he's an older guy, and maybe his mother came from a background where adoption was looked at as less than legitimate parenting. Do you understand what I mean by that? Yeah, I know what you mean. I've never heard that before, but maybe there are folks that feel that way. I'm taking a guess. Maybe it's a religious thing.

I have no idea. Or, you know, maybe her vibe, like she was ashamed that she wasn't able to do what most women can do. I mean, that can't feel great, right? Oh, I'm sure, yeah, that's very difficult. Maybe there's something there. I remember one of my best pals growing up. He had a half-sister that was five or six. years older than he was.

And one day, we were probably 12 or 13 years old. And he says, you know my older sister? And I said, yeah. And he said, well, she's really only my half sister. And I said, oh, really? And he goes, yeah, I was always wondering, who's this older guy who keeps stopping by to see my sister? Turns out it's her dad.

Oh, my God. And I said, oh, yeah, wow. He didn't question that immediately day one. Who's this guy? You see, here's the thing. I don't know the story. I don't know were his parents keeping that information from him because they thought it was scandalous or something?

I mean, I'm guessing by the time he was 13, he must have asked mom and dad, who is this guy? Maybe they just didn't feel comfortable telling him for whatever reason. I don't know. We also talked about some of the weird things that occurred in people's homes. Swamp Stopping, Jesus said they were 22, and some of his friends were getting married. His mom came out with a big box of 70s lingerie that was hers, gave it to his friends and said, here, hand these two your soon-to-be wives.

Now we're talking. Now, if you're the buddies, that might be kind of cool. But yeah, when it's your mom, I mean, maybe that was the first time you even knew she had something like that. That would shock me. Why would mom think that these women would want disco-era underwear? Yeah, it's been worn by someone else. Okay, but we got a winner. We got a clear winner on the topic of crazy mommel.

Listener texted in to say, mom was goofy. We lived in an apartment complex that you had to buzz in. She would often have the front office of the apartment. She would often have those people change our last name on the buzzer because she was paranoid. People were trying to track us. Oh, wow. He says, if I remember right, our made-up last name was Bacelli.

That's kind of cool. She worked for the CIA or something? Why was she so stressed? She would also sleep directly in front of our apartment door in fears that I would try to sneak out. 99% of the time I had no intention of sneaking out. She found a telephone number written down in my room of the girl across the street. My mother went ahead and called that telephone number. and spoke with the girl's parents,

apparently about my interest in their daughter. Oh, no. She also proceeded to call my best friend's mother and tell her that she believed the two of us were mixed up in a Mexican drug ring. I shouldn't laugh. I'm sorry I laughed. Why wouldn't you laugh?

That's got to be difficult if you're in that spot. Like, you know, I'm just trying to make some friends here, maybe date a girl or two. That's incredible. Thank you for your text messages. And so sorry. Man. It can be tough enough as it is.

You don't need that. I always remember the same, when we talk about parents like this, I always remember the saying that if you keep your kid on too tight of a leash, eventually when they do get off, they're going to run away and never come back. You should heed that warning. I know. I know.

Don't make this kid put a backpack over his shoulder when he's 11 just to get the hell away from you. My husband won't let that happen. My husband's a, he's got it figured out. So he's sticking around, huh? He'll keep me in line. Your husband, he's going to stick around, you think? Oh, yeah. Don't make him pack up either.

Yeah, they both might leave. He'll pack up. I've seen it happen. Don't leave me. I love you. One of my buddies, one of my best pals got a bag packed in his car at all times. He has a go bag? He's got a go bag.

Because he knows any day this might be when I get the hell out of here. He keeps it. He's got all his important documents in there. He's got documents, Josh, deodorant, shampoo, clean underwear, pants, cash, condoms. A lot of money, rubbers. New people. He's got a go bag. All right.

Normally we don't try to frighten folks too terribly during the stupid news report, but I got to tell you, this one will make a few of you's tense up a bit. I'll admit that it scared me. It did. Let me start with a question for everybody and all of you all. When you sat down on the toilet, this is a personal question, Josh. When you sat down in the toilet to cut one. Do you take your time? I do.

I get comfortable. I've got nothing to prove. I try to let things happen as naturally as possible. Do you take your time? No. I'm all about efficiency. You know, I'll get in, do what I need to do, get out. Never longer than a couple minutes.

Really? Never. Every once in a while I might get kind of lost. and what's going on on my phone, and I'll realize, oh, I've just watched three YouTube videos. You see, that could be trouble. Yeah, I definitely, every once in a while, but that's very rare. Usually it's just, all right, I got other stuff to do. Got to hurry this up.

I get real comfortable. So this story, why don't folks they'll take at least a half hour? They're in there for at least a half hour. Oh, yeah. My husband needs to be one of those guys. He's kind of dialed it back a little bit now that we got a little kid. No, because I have friends that have kids, and that's what they do. That's their escape.

No, no, no, because I know what he's doing And I'm like, if I can't be in there with you to also escape, this thing won't work with it. Ashley, what did we just say about not making your husband and child pack up and leave? She doesn't let me poop the way I'm not going to sit in the bathroom for too long because I don't sit in there. Don't do that to a guy. He's going to leave. Also, it's like not good for you. I'm starting the poop timer.

You can't even let you. I gave him one of those as a gag gift for Christmas and he actually used it. And I was like, okay, dude, there's only like two minutes out there. You don't need to use that. Like, I don't think that's good. Let a guy take a dump. Seriously, you got him a poop timer? Yeah, it's a joke because I've always told them.

I'm like, what are you doing there? I'm like, it can't be like healthy that it takes so long, right? Like, I don't think, I was like, I don't think that's good for your body. Not everything is your business. I threw out of what I thought was a ridiculous scenario and you've already been on top of it. Yeah, it's hilarious. But you're right, and that's where I'm going with this. It's not always good to set in there for two.

long. And yeah, Dana, I have guy friends who now their kids are grown, but yeah, they admitted that the bathroom was pert near their only escape. Sanctuary. And so, yes, they would sit in there and chew tobacco and play Yotsie and text other women. Do you still have the Yotsie, handheld Yotsie game that you would sit in the bathroom with? A lot of miles on that pig. It finally died. No, it died. Because you had that for years. Oh, I had. Didn't you actually have a second one? Yes. I blew through two hand-held Yotsie games because that was my entertainment sitting on the head. They've both died now and I can't find it. I used to always buy my little handheld Yatchie games at Target.

When I walk through the toy aisle at Target now, I don't see it for sale anymore. So now I'm straight up porno. No. What? Boatime you matured. When I'm in the bathroom, it's full-on porn. It used to be Yotsie, but did you not hear the story? Yeah, I just didn't know.

I don't know. People did that. Looked at porn or did that on the toilet? On the toilet. Did what? Watch porn on the toilet. Ashley, please. What are we doing here?

Okay. This might scare some of you folks who like to take their time when setting on the throne like I do. And it might concern some of you younger folks who like to escape to the bathroom at work or at home. some of yous like to sit on the head all day long just looking at videos and whatnot. We had a guy when I landscaped, he would disappear into a porta potty, and we knew what was going on. He was trying to get out of work. Well, yeah, when I used to work, when I was driving forklift, I took easily two bathroom breaks a day that didn't exist. You know what I mean?

There was no reason for me to be in there other than I wanted to sit down and be alone for 10. So here goes. This is truly a hell of a story. And by the way, this tale was told by a real doctor. Apparently, no BS. This is a true story. It's all about a 24-year-old kid who was scrolling on his telephone, riding that toilet seat, don't you know?

And the poor kid turned up with a permanent disability. The kid stood up too quickly after scrolling on his phone for too long. They say 30 minutes he was in there in the John. So he stands up too suddenly after being there for too long. He passed, smooth out, dropped, and woke up paralyzed. That seems, I mean, 30 minutes doesn't seem like that could do something to a person. That seems like it would be the story you've told about being passed out overnight on a toilet. Yeah.

Maybe you'd be in some danger there. I was in danger in that situation, yes. I don't mean to bury you in doctory talk, but there's no other way to put it and have it make sense. So this doctor who told the story online said, a satin on the toilet forces your knees and your hips into an unnatural angle and this and that. Okay, and that's why people have come up with, what are those things called? Squatty potties.

Huh? Squatty potties. Right, they're silly. But anyway. The poop shoes we talked about a couple weeks back. They're more ridiculous than a squatty potty. They're hilarious, though. So again, doctor says when you sit in that position, it's, you know, your knees do this, your hips do that.

He does mention that usually your body will provide you a warning sign if you're in that position for too long. You will feel a tingling sensation in your legs. So. We get that here with testicles where both of us have that exact same situation in these chairs. Oh, yeah, I just learned this a couple months ago. For whatever reason, they cut off blood flow to that area. That's so weird. If I sit too far forward on my chair.

If I sit too far forward in this chair, it's not all chairs, but this chair. If the pressure is just below my ass cheeks, it will cut off some type of flow. It'll cut something off to where my nuts and my rod go numb. Yeah, it's just this chair for me too. Yeah. It doesn't happen anywhere else. It's very frightening, actually, because I've stood up to use the bathroom, and I'm so numb where my gear is, I could be wetting my pants and I don't even know it.

Yeah. Josh knows exactly what I'm talking about. He brought it up once. It's the same thing happens to me. It's a few times a week. If I sit back in my chair, I'm usually fine. But if I sit too far forward, again, if the pressure is just below my ass cheeks, it absolutely murders my unit and I can't feel a friggin thing.

And again, I've walked to the men's room wondering, am I pee in myself? Because I can't feel anything. And it's not like these are bad chairs. Yeah, they're bad chairs. They're old, but like, oh, no, they could be worse. These used to be, like, when they got them, they were crazy expensive. All right.

Absolutely insane expensive. Back to this kid now. Again, he sits on the toilet for too long. They say 30 minutes. They say he got up too quickly. He passes out, wakes up paralyzed, falls to the floor. And they say, the doctor says, that's because the blood had pooled in his lower body. Gross.

Yeah. It couldn't redistribute to the rest of him. When he stood up, the blood couldn't redistribute to the rest of him fast enough, so he fell out. Now, the full story on this kid is long and confusing and complicated. There's talk in here about how the bathroom that the kid was setting in was terribly small and had very little ventilation. No fart auger, no nothing. Nobody's 100% sure. But this doctor and a couple others support his theory.

They think that when the kid stood up and passed out, he slapped his skull down on the bathroom floor. And that's what caused him. That's what caused him to be paralyzed. I mean, this is brutal right here. Brutal. The kid can't do a damn thing. He can't move. He hasn't been able to move since.

There's been plenty of times where maybe I should eat more. I don't know. Maybe that's the problem. But there's been plenty of times where I get up even here at home and it's stars. Yeah, you've got to be careful. Put my hands on my knees and breathe a little bit. What would happen? I'm like, I just get up way too fast.

It's all right. I'll live. Short but fat. Jesus fell asleep on the toilet in the middle of night on Thanksgiving. Fell over, hit her head on the shower and got a concussion. Oh my gosh. Where did the poop go? Yeah, hopefully it's made it where we're supposed to.

Where did it go? Welding Jesus said he's checking in on the toilet right now. Oh, hey, welding Jesus. I hope it's going well. Yeah, make sure you get the troublemaker. So I'll tell you what. Like I said, we don't normally try to scare you on this year program with stories like this. but this kid, he can't even feed himself.

He's all because of a little too much time on the Throne ski. Now, on a far less dramatic scale, and I'm sure you've heard this little horror story before, doctors from one end of town to the other will tell you that setting your fat ass down to take a duke for too long is also a good way to grow a dozen or so baby fist-sized hemorrhoids on your dirty penny. Heard that before. Yeah. Yeah.

Fireplace Jesus just got off the toilet. We're checking in on people's potty. Yeah, people are texting. It's getting kind of gross on the text line. I think I'm going to give it a break until we move on a little bit. I like the sharing. Yeah, I don't like the... I like know what people are up to.

Let's see. What? The last four numbers, four, five, four, seven. Look at the question they asked, Josh. Oh, let's go back. Like, I don't want to read that. The answer to your question is no. We can't talk.

Talk about the question. Anyway, one doctor said, leave your telephone outside the bathroom. Don't let Instagram give you hemorrhoids or worse. Much worse. No, I've tried leaving my phone out just so that sometimes I don't get lost in it or just because I don't need to bring my phone absolutely everywhere. I'm trying to get better at that. But even when I'm peeing, I'm like, I feel like I need to be doing something. Where's the shampoo bottle?

Yeah, if they just would make me some more of those handheld yachtis, I wouldn't have to bring my telephone. There's probably an app on your phone you could. Oh, probably. You know, I'll never figure that out. Somebody found one on Amazon for $85. Holy, go on there and... 85 bucks.

Yeah, because it's like vintage now, you know? All that thrift stuff is so expensive. I like that in eBay, you can give them for like 25 bucks. I like to go to thrift stores. I'll keep my eye out for you, Nick. I appreciate that. I wonder if any other dudes, Josh, I don't know if you're reading the text message. Have any other dudes checked in who have that same problem where their nuts and their rod go numb from sitting in a certain position for too long?

Yeah, yeah, a few people have texted. Yep. Bank examining Jesus said, just had some coffee. The countdown clock to the bathroom has begun. Get back to us. It's always a fun feeling. Did you look in the eBay? Do they work?

I'm assuming I didn't do too much digging. I just kind of briefly looked at prices. I'll check again, though. I don't want to make any extra work for you. No, no. So any... What was this question that was asked that was really gross? We can or we cannot address it.

Oh, it wasn't really that bad. It was just the way he phrased it was gross. Why at this point has it not been shared with the rest of them? Well, now I've got to find exactly. If you're sitting on the toilet, have you ever pushed so hard you cracked your back. Yeah, it was phrased differently. Yeah. He said, do you ever squeeze a log so hard, you crack your back?

Yeah, I've felt that lower, lower, but yeah. Wow. That'll give you a hemorrhoid. That'll give you a hemorrhoid. hemorrhoids the F word Josh if you don't mind I'd like to ask you to say it because I refuse to Florida Florida hey man douchebag low-life thieves they like a good meal and an ice cold Steve Weiser now and again just like the rest of us honest folks it's just sucks that they're not grown up enough to use their own means to get it done like this goat effer right here 42-year-old clown called Eduardo

He was making his living working at the neighborhood Planet Fitness Yeah, Eduardo, Dick worked there for a little bit That was fun I still go there as a gym It's a great gym

Yeah Everything is purple and fun It's perfect He reportedly stole some gal's credit card Over there at the fitness center A gal who was a member of the club Don't you know He snatched her credit card

when nobody was looking. And then he went straight on over to the local barbecue joint and ordered himself a meal and a tall boy. It's good living right there. The gal with the missing credit card, she got those cute little notifications on her phone about the transactions. Do you follow that technology?

Yep, I've got those set up. And hell, there's even surveillance photos of Dumbel Eduardo walking into the barbecue shack while wearing his silly orange planet fitness uniform. And there he is, ordering that beer and that barbecue and charging it to the gal's credit card. Eduardo was very easily arrested. Yeah, they can track that pretty well.

And your credit card companies, at least in my experience, because we've had it happen a couple times, they're real good at calling and saying, hey, that doesn't look legit. When did you get cool? That was for a nightclub. And somebody ordered beer. That wasn't you, pal.

Pedro Pistola's Jesus, Nick, said he is a truck driver, his nuts go numb all the time. Oh, I can imagine. It's a scary feeling. But I understand that technology has made

driving over the road much more pleasant now than it was 30, 40, 50 years ago. They've got these air-controlled, big, wonderful chairs now in those rinket. I understand it's quite the change. I know you don't really come through the backside here to go to work.

Like you go through Minneapolis side and not the St. Paul's side. Back front, I go both directions. I can usually tell. Yeah. But there's so many varying trucks back there and some of them look like a transformer. They look like spaceships. They look so cool. I wonder how you get that gig.

You got to be driving for a while or how that works. Most of them are, I think, are like independent contractors, so they buy their own trucks. Oh, really? Some guys are independent. I'm sorry to hear that dudes' balls go numb all the time, but I hear it is much more comfortable than it was years ago. You think they should make sure that your employees aren't having their nuts going on when you're driving that long? Yeah. Because at least we can stand up.

Right? If you're driving a truck, you're not going to be able to stand up and kind of walk around. We can do that here. That's the number one reason why I hate long road chaves. just because of how numb my butt gets. Speaking of years ago, for years, Josh thought that the sun was a monster. I still kind of do.

I pretend I don't. He was terrified. Oh, Christ, it's anybody's guess what the average ranting and raving lunatic will come up with next. They get some ideas in their heads, and there's no shaking it. A lady in Sacramento, California, says that she owns the son. Maria, she's a 54-year-old lady. she says that she rightfully

she is the rightful owner of the son in second grade there was a kid that got furious with us because we didn't believe he was from the sun it was one day he just decided he was going to tell everyone that's where he's from listen here buddy listen I was born on the sun I am from the sun children of the sun children of the sun was that Donnie Iris or am I way off

let me look that up Josh was one of those things where he ran with it for a long time even knowing that he was caught and was stupid. It only, uh, Billy Thorpe. It only lasted a couple of days. But I mean, it was one of those things where, you know, everybody knows he's lying. And he was enraged that nobody believed.

We're talking about a grade school kid? Second grade. Oh, yeah. What a little dark. He was so upset. Donnie Iris was Aaliyah. But anyway. I saw this lady that thinks she owned the son.

Does she, um, I have no further information. Oh, I thought. I'm kidding, of course. What was your question? Did she get one of those, you know, how people can, like, buy stars for you? you. Oh, I own one. Maybe somebody bought like a part of the sun for her? I own a star. Sort of

Ashley, but not really, but you're on the right path. Yeah, tell us about this again, Josh. I love this. One of the cheesiest gimmicks in dating history is when someone will buy a star for somebody else. I have one too. Do you really? This wasn't a dating

thing. It was a co-worker of ours. A good friend of mine. She bought me a star for a birthday. That's really weird. You have been freaking blue-balled into next week, having you? What do you mean? A female co-worker buys you a star. Yeah.

But you were just friends. Yeah. Dude, she wanted you. No, she did it. 100%. There's no way. We didn't have that type of relationship. That's a crazy thing to buy, like, an opposite sex friend.

If you just knew her, I don't think you'd think that. She also taught me what. She kind of, like, hippie like that vibe? A little bit, yeah. Blue balls. She also taught me to what crop dusting was. Gross. I have no interest in this.

With the demonstration, by the way. All right. She seems different. That's disgusting. We got some blue balls talk in the news, though, by the way, if we're looking for a blue balls update. Back to this gal now. Maria, 54 years old. She says she's the rightful owner of the son.

Oh, and she's also going to go ahead and sue eBay. Now, here's why she's going to do that. And I'm about to become totally lost. Maria has been, Ashley, you were sort of alluding. this. Maria has been selling pieces of the sun to people on eBay for a dollar. And she was able to find about 600 other people just as disconnected from reality as she is. She was able to sell a piece of the sun to around 600 wackos. So she made about $600. eBay has shut her ass down. eBay said they can't allow silly scams like this on the website.

the first time Maria claimed ownership of the sun was way back in the year of 20, then 10. She's been doing this for quite a poke. Now, according to what I'm reading, there's also a dude out there, Summers, called Dennis, who claims to own the moon. They should meet. Both of them claim that there is a loophole in something called, the UN Outer Space Treaty, which says no nation can stake a claim to any celestial object, but the treaty makes no mention of individuals.

Do you see where they're going with that? She outsmarted them. But, no, you got to, like, go there and be like, this is mine. And I don't think she can go to the sun. That's not in the treaty, Ashley. They say nothing about going there. They don't. They found the loophole.

They can't deny it. The first person ever to be. Whatever. Whatever. Fine. The sun is yours. The moon is yours. I buy a part of the sun for a buck.

Why not? I would too. The sun lady is suing eBay. How do you say it again? eBay? The sun lady is suing eBay for $11,000. I have no idea where she came up with that. She's got something going on.

There's something she wants to buy for exactly $11,000. No, and then add $600 from what she already. man, there's something. The good news is she's still selling little chunks of the sun on her own totally mental personal website. Oh, thank God. I bet they totally don't take your credit card information. Long intro, Josh, if I remember.

Long intro in the song, Children of the Sun by, um, don't tell me, you said it a minute ago. No, tell me. I already forgot. Billy Thorpe. Billy Thorpe. Long intro. Classic rockers down the hall of KQ, they know all about it. Somebody said she's been doing this for 16 years.

Let her have it at this point. Yeah, why not? Yeah, she's earned it. She's putting the work. Who cares? That was social anxiety, Jesus. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show.

Oh, man. You know what has me been out of shape, bro? A lot of these athletes on podcasts, talking about how $150 million contracts, it's not enough. Bro. I mean, they complain about taxes. They complain about lifestyle, paying the agent fees. Like, yeah, brother, that's part of the business, man.

To say that out, loud and say, oh, that's not enough or that's not enough money. But we got single parents working 12-hour days, 14-hour days, six days a week with five, six kids, even two kids, one kid. I mean, the fact that you're going to go out there and say that when we have real people struggling to provide and to live a life of basic necessity, I think it's a little ignorant. A little out of touch, 100% out of touch, and it has me been out of shape. That's ignorant, he says.

That's former Viking Anthony Barr. I remember Anthony's Bar. Yeah, talented guy. He played a little bit of this. a little bit of that. He's a guy that dumped Karen on his head and broke his collarbone for him a few years ago. That was hilarious. I was at that game. Oh, I didn't know that was him. I love him. That was a frigging riot. That was him. That was a riot. Yeah, he makes total sense there.

People are loving what he said. I mean, yeah, I mean, makes absolute sense. I haven't really followed this, but I'm reading that guys like LeBron James and a few other top athletes who are making $600 million a year or something in sane like that have been complaining. And I mean, that's, what in God's name are you complaining about? Think about the average some bitch. Just once. Think about the average person. Think about the female athletes, the female professional

athletes. My Lord. Nobody's really going to feel bad if you're making that amount of money and complaining about paying taxes. I mean, we all pay taxes. If I remember right, if I remember right, there was one of these big time athletes who was complaining. about how, hey, you know, I do have to keep up a certain lifestyle. You do?

No, you don't. The guy was more or less saying, if I'm going to make that kind of money, I have to present myself in a certain way. I have to get these cars. I have to get these homes. What are you talking about? That kind of stuff makes me so angry. You can put all that.

You can dig a hole, put all that money in a hole if you want to. No one's expecting. It reminds me of a buddy of mine back in the day, John. he was getting himself. He was kind of a pretty boy type character, right, Cubby? And he was getting himself all washed up for a hot date, right? And we're busting his balls, you know, as he's preparing for this date. And he said this to us.

He says, hey, guys, look, I know you guys expect me to date someone who's really hot. And we all said, what? I don't give a rat's ass if you date a cow, brother. Where are you coming from? He had that idea about himself. I know you guys expect me to date someone hot. At any rate. I want to start using that line.

That's fantastic. Yeah, that's good. All right. What Jamaica last night's Field of Dream setup if you, in fact, tuned into it for even a minute. I only watched about an inning of it, but it was cool. I watched some clips this morning. I was more interested in the intro and everything like that, and that was a lot of fun. This chelisk.

Setting was neat. Very dramatic. There was enough nostalgia there to just choke you dead. We'll get into it when Randy Shaver stops by in a couple of minutes. I just wanted to tell you real quick, Wobie Jesus, maybe you'll remember he texted in yesterday and he was considering going down to the land of the Iwoegians. He was considering yesterday morning making a road trip to see the game.

And he was asking us, do you think $600 is too much money for a ticket? And I think we said, you know, you're on your own, go for it. I did tell him, though, or I did ask him, I said, get back to us and tell us about the experience. Well, here's what Wabi Jesus said this morning. He said the game, the stadium, the experience was definitely worth $600. But he said, watching that terrible baseball team, a reference to the twins, worth $6.

He doesn't like the twins, but he still made the trip. Yeah, we'll get into the field of dreams thing and everything else that's coming up this weekend with Randy Schaever in a half hour. Stick around for Josh's news report. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy.

So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93x. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Mike Drop, hosted by former Navy CEO, Mike Ridland. How would you characterize your prowess? I'd say my style is that I'd just kind of outwork everybody until I get there.

Because I'm not a quitter. It's just you. And it's yourself. Everything else is team-oriented. The motivation, it was a sort of anger at myself for being weak. That ends up being the driving factor. That anger, that pride, that ego, I think it's a muscle. It gets stronger.

When you take that voice seriously, you start to change your life. Mike Drop, follow and listen on your favorite platform. They're gross, they're offensive, and kids on the road see them. Half-assed morning show. I jumped in front of them and said, what the heck are you doing? And the weirdest thing is, he told me, it's okay. I'm from the fire department. I looked at him and said, the heck you are.

A Washington state man showed up to a stranger's house on a golf cart. Dog by his side, torches in hand, and he left a smoldering mess where a house used to be. Home security footage caught the whole thing August 4th, a man pulling up to the property with his corgi beside him and two torches. He started doing sort of what I thought were donuts in the driveway. He thought maybe he was having some mechanical problems because obviously lighting a house on fire was not one of my thoughts. Investigators said 47-year-old Sean Hinson set a fire that completely consumed the residence and a detached garage, leaving nothing behind in what investigators confirmed as a total loss. Everything is gone. The bathrooms are gone. The kitchen's gone. The house is gone. It's all gone.

The resident credits the security camera was saving his life, explaining he woke up only after receiving that is an alert triggered when his son got a notification and called him. Neighbors across the street caught the fire on their camera too. It was incredible. Just the fact that someone actually had a torch and was trying to light a house on fire. Does everyone in this town have a cold? Yes. There's smoke inhalation. Oh, no. I'm just speculating.

So dude rolls up in a golf cart and burns someone's house down. Yeah. And he had a dog. He's silly looking. He's got two torches, one in each hand. He's got a dog accomplice. But it's okay. He's with the fire department.

Cool torch. Yeah, it turns out, Dana, he wasn't. What? Yeah, he just said that. He said that before he started the fire? When they confronted him. Yeah. He's like, no, no, no, it's cool.

This is just what we do with the fire department. We start fires. Fire department. There's a whole other department that puts him out. The wife dialed police while her. Husband sprinted over and started pounding on the front door to get the occupant out. I thought it was nuts. How can people do this? You know, what people in their right mind would think of doing it.

Hinson was arrested shortly after the neighbor confronted him. In court filings, he stated he consumed a combination of marijuana edibles and Jack Daniels, which aligns with a deputy's observation that the suspect couldn't maintain a coherent conversation. Jesus, crime, and he? The targeted resident notes he has no connection to his. Hinson and no idea why his property was singled out beyond whatever the edibles and whiskey were driving the suspect to do. The fire left the dwelling entirely destroyed alongside the resident's new car, man.

At the end of the day, nothing puts my house back. Nothing changes but the destruction that's done. Nothing absolves the crime. Hinson was taken into custody shortly after the neighbor confronted him. He's due back in court August 24th, hopefully arriving by more conventional means. What does he think now that he's sobered up? You know, I don't know. I'd like to, maybe, hopefully he's remorseful.

Boy, that would just. It was a tad out of character. I would shock the piss out of me if I woke up from a marijuana edible and whiskey party and learned that I had burned somebody's house down for them with my dog and my golf car. And so weirdly. With the torches. Yeah, he would like kind of tried to light it and then he'd spit around in the golf cart. Yeah.

And he'd come back around and try and light it again. I wouldn't believe if you told me that. What's so odd. That's a little weird, yeah. I'm with you on that. A Missouri man learned the hard way. Bouncy houses are for bouncing, not blacking out. Columbia police responded to Tiger Bounce, about 7.57 p.m. Sunday for a trespassing call,

and that's when things got interesting. When officers arrived, they found Don Darian Jones and another man, Don Darian, to make an escape in his SUV. I have never heard that name before. Don Darian? Yeah. Yeah, me neither. I kind of like it. actually. And Jones, that's a cool last name as well. It is. Great combination. But the cops trained

for this, so they halted his getaway. When they approached the vehicle, officers also spotted a small baggie containing Tanzanx pills tucked inside the driver's side door, which is not the kind of bounce experience that Tiger Bounce advertises. An employee filled in the rest of the story, and the rest of the story was weird. Jones and his companion had gone inside a bouncy house and stayed there for about 20 minutes, not bouncing, just lying there, and they were high. Yeah. Zanx will make you do that. It'll pass out.

Zanix slows everything down. Is that a sleeping aid of some sort? It's for people that have, like, severe panic attacks. So it's like an instant fix. So, yeah, it calms you way down, and it kind of, like, messes with your memory, too. I was a Zanax abuser for a while. Is that what got you going on that Jamaica? flight? Oh yes. Zanx and alcohol?

Yeah. Yeah. Is there a street name for Xanax so I can sound cool around the kids? No. I've always just called it Xanax. Maybe X, X would be cool, but X to see. We already have an X. I did some bad things. She was hot. You know the old saying, a man's home is his castle. But when you're heavily sedated, a commercial-grade bouncy castle will do just fine.

The employee eventually walked over and found both men unconscious, then tried to wake him up herself. Jones first told police he had no idea those pills were in his car, where did they come from? Then he changed his story saying they were actually prescribed to him. They were not. After being charged with trespassing and possession of a controlled substance, he was taken straight from the bounce house to the big house. So he just kind of got a kick out of laying there higher than a giraffe's ass staring up at the ceiling? Yeah, him and his buddy. I get it. It kind of seems like it might be a fun place to sleep. Yeah, that sounds really comfy, actually, except for like the smell of feet.

Do you smell feet in a bounce out? Oh, those places always smell like feet. It's been a while for me. I can't do that anymore. I'll barf. Yeah, actually, I took my son to like a little indoor situation like that, and I started like jumping on the big jumping thing with them, and I maybe got through three jumps, and I immediately got nauseated.

I was like, okay, I can't do this anymore. Awesome, I'm old. And it's exhausting. Yeah. Lime has put the squeeze on Minneapolis. at least on Wednesday, throwing up digital roadblocks to keep history from repeating itself. After roughly two to 300 riders turned last weekend's downtown gathering into an impromptu scooter takeover on Interstate 35W, Lyme decided it was time to put the brakes on.

A representative for the company said the restrictions were meant to head off another planned takeover this week. A Reddit user posted a screenshot Wednesday showing downtown Minneapolis locked under a Lyme geofenched restriction, effectively shutting scooters out of the area. Lyme confirmed another event was planned for Wednesday night and said it deployed technical solutions, including no-ride zones and slow zones across the city, the digital equivalent of parents taking away the keys from the kids. So the system works like this. Red zones are no-go zones where the app won't let you ride at all, including highways like some folks chose to do on 35W, you ruining it for the rest of them. According to Lyme's website, scooters in those zones gradually

grind to a halt. Yellow zones cap how fast you can go before the scooter throttles itself down. Blue zones are mandatory parking areas and ditching your ride outside one of those can earn you a penalty. Blue balls are when you think you're going to ride a ride and then suddenly you're forced to park it. This wonderful person just wanted to create something fun and spontaneous. So everyone just kind of showed up. It wasn't well planned. Did you guys ever watch the video? That's the lady that I swear was topless when she was being interviewed.

No, I never tuned into that one. That's on 93x.com, right, Ashley? Yes, yes, the link to it, yes. Tell me if I'm insane. I watched it again yesterday. And my goodness, I think she's topless on a television. I can't. So there's new rules for the scooters now?

They put up some geo-fencing for when they see these planned scooter takeovers, just to make sure people. can't go on the freeway. That's smart, yeah. Kids out on 35-d-up. My favorite story around these new scooters, how long they've been around now? 10 years or something.

I have no idea. Too long. Our old promotions director, what do you mean too long? I don't like them. What? A lot of people don't. I don't really like driving through campus

and like almost hitting people all the time. It stresses me out. And that's their fault? Yeah, they just go wherever they want to go. Like, oh, I'll cut in front of a car. They'll stop. Oh, yeah, yeah, I will because I don't want to go to jail. Sorry I blew up

Sorry I caused you to blow up You really are a mom now You almost sound like a grandma It's just ridiculous around here I don't want to kill a kid You've changed You don't have to actually You used to want to kill kids

You hated kids I don't get it sometimes My favorite story connected to these scooters Was when they first hit town Our old promotions director Grant Grant!

I asked him about it Because he spent a lot of time Downtown drinking I said have you rode one of these damn things yet when they first hit town and he said yeah and he told me this great story he said he and his buddies went down to minneapolis and they threw a roll of quarters or whatever you do into the uh the machine the scooter and they started going around town he said like five minutes in the first corner he came around on his little green scooter some dudes in a car went by and one of them leaned out and

said nice scooter bitch i love that i look like a dork on one of those things you don't you look great oh thank you very much my gosh There was a guy I saw riding through St. Paul. It was beautiful. So graceful. So sexy the way he was able to ride this thing. Now, he was weaving in and out of traffic. But he did it with such flair.

I couldn't help but be a fan. I'd subscribe to his only fan. I mean, YouTube channel. Some folks can make it look good. Yeah. Really good. Like Hal from Malcolm in the middle when he would roller skate. It's just pure beauty.

I don't know if I remember that. Oh, you haven't seen that episode? You got to watch that one. It sounds familiar. Where you teach the kids to roll. He's an expert. I can believe it. You'll love that episode.

Josh, she's totally shirtless. Right? I mean, if she was wearing a tube top... That's what I was wondering, but it's still... That was hanging way low. Yeah, it's... If she was wearing a tube top, it would mean that she would have to have very, very big boobs because it's low.

They're low. I'm not trying to be a pervert at all whatsoever. Well, you never do. Yeah, but oh my gosh. Which is concerning for me. But, right, I just... It's something I noticed, like, I don't think that lady's wearing a shirt. Did my 52-year-old life partner just say, right?

Yes, he did. 51. But yeah, trust me, I caught that. I wrote it down. Don't do that again. That just, there's something about that delivery there. I like that. Every once in a while I hope there's things that people didn't really notice.

And that was wonderful. There's no way I could have let that go. You know what? I'm glad you did it. Right. So you know, I was very embarrassed that that came. I didn't even notice. I have no idea how that happened.

So she's topless. She's got to be. I want to know the answer. That's okay. And based off of her name, I don't want to expose her name, but I could see her being topless. Based on her name. She seemed kind of like free.

Like it's like a hippie vibe name. She seemed free and, you know, just like she wants to get out there and have some fun. Yeah, she's got some plants in the background. One of those girls. That is all right. Oh, those girls with. plants. You know, those

people that like really get into indoor plants. It's like their babies. I can't say that I understand at all where you're going with this. That makes sense. You're older. More mature is how we like to say it. You know, her name, you know, the plants. You guys know

the type of girl we're dealing with here. Well, if you watch the video, Nick, you would know what I'm talking about. I want to see... Can't watch the video playing Tetris. Did you still start where you're in danger? Yes. I create a problem for myself and try to solve it. I don't like that you do that.

You got a problem with everything. Yeah, my goodness, Ashley. She doesn't sleep. None of us sleep, but she especially doesn't sleep. Okay, a lot of people hate those stupid scooters. I am not the only one. There is a large amount of people that do not like them. You're correct.

That's okay. Right? Right. Hey, the world needs flatliners too. It's okay. It's okay. We used to, is that, um, we had one right next to us that rented out them bikes. Oh, yeah. I hate that when there's a place next to me.

Oh, that's the worst. I hate people trying to make a living. I hope you get in a car accident, but don't get seriously injured. Who's that me? Just a major inconvenience. Yeah. You see, now that's a cute line that is, but I'm going to have to call you out for gimmick infringement. Wait, why?

Because that's what I used to say about another guy. Oh, really? No way. gosh, more and more things come out. Don't you remember that, Josh? I don't. I'm sorry. But I thought, oh, why, you've wished real harm on people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never heard you pull it back. Well, you had to be there. Oh, shoot, people are reminding me of other Malcolm in the Middle episodes. Did you see the one, Nick, where Hal was a Power Walker? Yes. Oh, my God. Yes, I remember that.

Ashley probably hated it. No, I hate no Malcolm in the middle. episode, dude. That show is gold. Boy, we are late. Do you guys, do you care about... Never have. Take us to 9 o'clock, Josh. It kind of takes a long time to put this. Never once have I cared.

A neighborhood that packs up and vanishes without so much as a forwarding address, a punk rock road trip with more mohawks than miles per gallon, and two space cops who really just wanted to write parking tickets on Neptune, not to solve a homicide. Here's

what's new in theaters and on streaming this week. First up, the Platt family is forced to adapt when a bizarre cosmic event rips their entire suburban neighborhood out of reality and drops them somewhere completely unknown in the end of Oak Street. They probably own plants. If you're looking for a rowdy road trip adventure with a couple of dokey jokes, Nimrods follows three best friends piling into a van and racing across the country to grab their big break, opening for Green Day in Los Angeles on New York. Year's Eve. Then things get weirdly intense in the wrong girls. A story about two aimless young women

who accidentally gained telepathic powers after taking an experimental drug. Today on HBO Max, the streaming premiere of Normal. It stars Bob Odenkirk as a recently appointed interim sheriff of a small Minnesota town who discovers a town-wide conspiracy while investigating a botched bank robbery. And lighting up Sunday night on HBO Max and HBO lanterns. The DC Comics inspired drama spotlighting two intergalactic cops dragged into a dark, earth-based mystery while investigating a chilling murder in America's heartland. Good luck to sloppy Jesus and the boys on their way to Canada for a little drinking, fishing trip. Canada. That's right. Sloppy Jesus.

They're not biting. There's a few people that are heading up to Canada this weekend. Is there something special going on? Or is it just a coinky dink? Not that I know of. I don't know. Canadian New Year. It's buy one, get one free day here in our department of listener appreciation.

Metal grinding to burring Jesus, text in a happy birthday to the little brother he never wanted. But he's grateful for anyway, Phyllis. And another happy birthday to his nephew, Noah the mail box slayer. Happy birthday to Pan Pan, Pan Trucking, King of Pan Cato Jesus. Pan Pan, Pan. he's the man if he can't haul it no one can oh i loved that i didn't know how much to commit to that right if they would be really right oh my gosh i can't believe he said that that's gross love scott that was cute pan pan the what now one more time with that pan pan he's the man if he can't

haul it no one can and you know what's great about this text uh from scotty the angry loader man jesus he put the uh little musical note emojis next to it oh so you knew to sing it yeah so i knew it was supposed to be some sort of rhyme. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. So you met Kevin Costner in a bathroom? So I was going in the Staples Center,

a Laker game, went to the bathroom, and all of a sudden this kid turns to me and he's peeing on my leg. And I was like, oh, and I look over and Kevin Coxon goes, sorry about that, but I never officially met him, but that's how I first saw him in person. Kevin's son that peed on your leg?

I can't confirm or deny who it was, but he said sorry for the kid, so I would assume it's someone that he's related to you. Welcome to the program, Assman. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the program, Lonely Boy. Good morning.

Yeah, there's this cute Royce Lewis Kevin Costner story going round and round. That was Royce right there. He was jaw jacking with reporters a day or two ago, and he was asked about the Field of Dreams game, of course. And, of course, Kevin Costner has a connection to that operation. And so he claimed that one of Kevin Costner's kids, or a kid who was at least being watched at the time by Kevin Costner, pissed on his leg at a Laker game.

I don't know if you could make out what Royce was saying there, but he said, I went to the Lakers game at Staples Center. Sounds like he was taking a squeege. And he looked over, and a young kid was pissing on his leg. And it was Kevin Costner who approached. Roiss Lewis and said, sorry about that. Never officially met him, but that's how I first saw him in person.

Hell of an icebreaker. Who's the most famous person you've ever requested P. I know you've been into water sports afore. I never requested anyone to take a piss on my leg. They just kind of went for it? Yeah, I just kind of look over and it's happening, just like Royce Lewis. That's a cute story. He can't confirm or deny whose child it was,

but it was Kevin Costner who said, sorry, so he assumed it must be someone he's related to. That's hilarious. Costner, by the way, has seven kids through three different relationships, according to People magazine. I love this bit, too. They range in age from 16 to 42. I love that bit.

Well, then it might have been a grandchild because I'm doubting the 16-year-old was pissing on it's like. Yeah. You never know. Maybe he's got a couple of adopted kids. I don't know. I was picturing your grandchild. Grandchild.

Oh, man. Oh, that's funny. I'll always remember a kid that I'll call forever. I'll call him the XL Energy Center Pecker Checker. This happened at a pig's game a number of years ago where in between periods, hundreds of us, Jay Brones, we all rushed into the men's room to hang it. And, I mean, it must have been six, seven guys deep. for every urinal.

Of course, back in the old days at the old metrodome, we had the troughs. Hell, you could pile a lot of guys in there, right? The old school, you know, single-use urinals, different story. So it's about six, seven guys deep for every urinal. And this little kid comes snaking his way into the men's room. And he runs, you know, it was like a maze. He's running in between everyone who's in line and he runs right up to the urinals. And he walks up to one guy, kind of standing behind the guy.

The kid basically put his hands on the guy's ass cheeks and then would twist his head around and look at his D. And then he walks up to the next guy over, grabs him by the ass, swings his head around, looks at his pecker. And finally a dad comes running into the bathroom and goes, Donnie, where are you? Come on. Get out of there. Oh, no. I think I'd rather have my kid pee on somebody. That story, I mean, I made sure to tell my son when he was young, you know, we look straight ahead and don't pull your pants and underwear all the way down to your knees,

or your ankles, excuse me. Right. We all went to grade school with that kid who would pull the whole works down to his feet. I've walked out of public bathrooms before where I see that. I'm like, I don't want to be in there just me and this kid. I'm out. I mean, sometimes they're kind of old. Somebody needs to tell them.

Shockingly old. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. That's a funny story, though. Rice Lewis getting urinated on at a Laker game. Well, it was a nice night for the Iwoeesian Field of Dreams baseball game. Hell, there were Hall of Fameers everywhere's and enough nostalgia to just choke you to death. So that was all good, but on the ball field, the twins just didn't get anything done.

Philadelphia Phillies dumped three dongs on the boys, and they won the Field of Dreams cornfield game 7 to 1. Yeah. Cool setting and everything. I had a good time watching the... Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. It really was.

Two of the Phillies' home runs were hit by the same douchebag. Two home runs, one douchebag. Cal Schwarber. And by the way, he leads the Biggs right now with 37 of those yard sales. Lucky Keishal. He should have brought one of those rods back, but the damn baseball bounced off his glove and over the wall. That was a little embarrassing for the kid.

Philly starter Aaron Nola was spot on all night long. The twins couldn't do Dick. Location was an issue for Taz, Bradley. Tosh was a little off last night. I've never seen a major league pitcher be that off last night. Ever? That many wild pitches over the catcher? Seriously.

I sent you a text last night. Yeah, I saw it. What in the world? I mean, he was, there was one that was completely over the umpire and the catcher. That's like watching Little League. It was crazy. A little trouble last night for Taj. I mean, he was everywhere.

Strikes weren't exactly well placed either. No, well, yeah, I mean, he gave up the home runs and stuff. But, I mean, he was just, man, I was just shocked at how wild he was last night. Yeah, he was a little off. Overall, twins batters struck out a dozen times in last night's ball. So, yeah, it was a beautiful thing. It's just too bad the twins didn't make a better show for themselves. Yeah.

I mean, Philadelphia's got a great lineup up and down that lineup. And Louisa Rye sitting in the middle of that lineup, he had three hits last night. You can see why they traded for him. He's going to set the table or drive-in runs in the middle of that lineup for them. and that's a tough team. And Aaron Nola is having a mediocre season, basically. He only has four wins.

But he's such a veteran pitcher. And when he's on, and last night he was on, he's really good. So you can see why the Phillies are excited about the possibilities of what they might be able to do come playoff time. But the twins just, they couldn't put anything together offensively. And I just thought that they're, you know, Bradley settled down a little bit after the first inning, but he just could not, you know, consistently find the strike zone last night. Well, they're in some dangerous territory right now. I know they're only one game back in the wildcard, but the next five games are against the Phillies and the Braves.

If you think the Phillies are good, the Braves are better. So they better watch out. They better be able to win at least a couple of these next five games. if they don't and go on a little bit of a losing streak, it could not be good. And we say this, and we've been saying this, and the announcers last night said the twins are having a surprising season, and they are, but one of the reasons why it's surprising is that everybody else is mediocre. If there were two other teams running away from the wild card, like the National League, where the Phillies are seven over 500, and Arizona is six over 500, we wouldn't be.

have in this discussion. No? It's a hell of a year. Yeah, the two clubs, the Phillies and the Twins now move up here to Target Field to play tomorrow and Sunday. Don't go off to the ballpark tonight looking for a ball game. They got today on. 26 Hall of Famers came

walking out the cornfield last night. Do you like that bit? It was awesome. It really is. I looked up the ticket prices, though. Holy buckets. Well, one of our listeners got in for $600. Okay. Was he sitting up top?

He didn't tell us. By game time, it had gotten down to 300. Just to get in the building. Okay. What were some of the seat prices you were talking about before? Oh, like $7,000, $10,000. Wow. Oh, yeah.

They were super expensive on the lower deck there. I mean, it was crazy. I saw more than a couple of friends post Instagram photos of being there. I'm like, maybe I should find out what my friends actually do for a living and go see if they're hiring. I mean, trust fund babies. Yeah, it must be it. No doubt a cool experience.

That ballpark just looks fabulous. And, you know, nobody, it's not like a regular team plays there. It's just, it's built for things like what we saw last night. That's the only reason why it's there. It's not a, there's no minor league team that uses it on a regular basis. They don't have bachelor parties or anything over there? Well, you can rent that house. That house is the Airbnb.

Oh, yeah. Oh yeah, you could rent that house for like $800 a night. But what comes with it is the baseball field. Yeah. You can play baseball. So one of our listeners I mentioned this earlier, Wubby Jesus, went down to Iowa to the game last night. And he said it cost him $600 to get in. And he said because of the atmosphere and the experience and all the Hall of Famers and all the hoopla and the nostalgia, he said that was worth it.

It was worth it. I can see that. Cute to me, I love this. We've seen it a few times now. I don't know how many of these Field of Dreams games they've had, four or five, right? But I dig how obvious it is that the players are told when they walk out of the cornfield, kind of look to the left and right and act as if, well, how did I get here? I did notice that.

Oh, I'm supposed to play baseball? Well, that's fitting because I'm dressed to play baseball. It's funny how you saw them all kind of, you know, they paused for a man. minute and take it all in. But watching the old timers come out of there is cool. Yeah, yeah. 26 of them. Mike Schmidt, Steve Carlton, Jimcott,

Maurer, Blyleven, Moleter, and then you got guys like Andrew Jones, Harold Baines, the crime dog, Fred McGriff, Ron Davis, Andre Dawson, Larry Walker, Ron Davis, yeah. People have been texting in saying the corn kid was there. Everybody know the corn kid? Oh, he was?

Yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. There's a couple of people that said that was worth the price of admission. This kid? Like, cone. Ever since I was told that corn is real, it tasted good. But when I tried a bit better, everything changed. I love cone.

Hmm, cone. Not everyone has to like it to be the best. And he throws out all the corn puns. I remember the kid. I think we actually talked about him not that long ago. We did, yeah. Is he 20 now or what? Boy, good question.

I forgot. how long ago that was, but... And is he cool still being the corn kid? I wonder. Yeah. I mean, it got him some attention. Well, I didn't see it. I didn't see the corn.

I watched the game. I didn't see him. Was he interviewed? He was featured? Maybe they can get back to us. I didn't know he was there either. I haven't seen anything written on it, but folks are saying that he was there and it was awesome.

By the way, school busing Kai, Jesus says that whole, how did I get here look? He said he has that same look on his face every time he pulls into work. I've heard you say, something like that. Well, I do that. Every morning, when I hop out the old fart sack, you know, I put on the clothes that I was wearing the day before, and I grabbed my little backpack, and I do stand in the kitchen for about five minutes, just kind of in a haze, wondering how this has become my life. You mentioned it every once in a while.

When you go through the long list of things you hate. Yeah, my, well, Ashley's the one who has a long list of things she hates this morning, yeah. This morning she does. Yeah, I, because my life hasn't turned out the way I saw it, like most of us. Cool watching the old timers, no question. Yeah. And the corn kid, okay, maybe we'll find out. Is he still comfortable being the corn kid or is he ready to attack somebody on the sidewalk next time he's recognized?

I don't know. He's nine years old. What now? That's what it says. Oh, wow. Oh, Jesus. I hear it says he's 11. Oh, okay.

To me, that video feels 15 years old. Yeah, I thought now he would be a college kid. You know, maybe he's, you know, got a drinking problem now or something. I don't know. Was Roger Clemens interviewed during last night's ball? Yes. Okay. Because I did not have the sound up terribly high.

Yep. A listener texted in last night while they were watching the game and they have a question. Why isn't Roger Clemens? in the Hall of Fame. Well. I'm surprised that anybody would have, would still be unaware. Maybe he's a new baseball fan or a younger person,

but I mean, if you look at the numbers, obviously he's a Hall of Fame pitcher. No question. But he's lumped into that steroid group. Yeah. Some of the younger generation probably already, it's been a while since those hearings and since the whole, you know,

steroid era, So there's probably people who don't understand why when they look at his numbers. You know Barry Bonds, guys like that. So, yeah, Roger was lumped in with that steroid crowd. I have no problem with steroids. I never did. I say put him in the hall. But I'm wondering, now Roger Clemens is happy to sit there and be interviewed about his son and this and that, right?

Cody playing for the... But I'm wondering he must be over it then. He must not be offended any longer that he's not. in the Hall of Fame. He's accepted his fate, whatever. Barry Bonds also must be kind of cool with the situation. Otherwise, they wouldn't agree to be on television. Or is the money so good, like for Barry Bonds that he'll show up wherever you ask him to? They probably is like being around the game.

Yeah. I think with Clemens, I think with Clemens, I mean, having kids and Randy, you have kids too, obviously. I mean, seeing your kid play in the Major League, that's probably enough for him to be like, yeah, I'll come on with you. because he's probably so proud of his kid, you know, playing in the big league that he follows him around and he doesn't mind doing that stuff. But I wonder, like, a guy like Raphael Palmero, who was also lumped into that group. I haven't seen. A-Rod. Okay.

Okay. A-Rod is an example of a guy who obviously is cool with his legacy. Mark McGuire, you still see him involved. He's done some managing or some bench coach. Right, right. But Raphael Palmero. I haven't seen him in years. Well, he never seemed like a guy who dug the spotlight too much anyway.

It wasn't kind of like a look at me type of guy. I would put McGuire in that group, too. He doesn't look for the spotlight either. I guess the reason why I bring it up is, are any of those steroid-era guys, are they just still stirring? Are they still kind of pissed off about? Well, I'm sure that they're not happy about it, but I, you know, it's been such a long time.

since all that's happened, that I think your observation that they've moved on, I think is pretty accurate. I think they have. Yeah. Okay. Just curious. They've accepted where they are. I think at this point, if some of them, some of them may feel this way.

Some of them won't. But at this point, if some of them actually got in, there would be more conversation about why it took so long. So it might not be a bad idea not to get in because it's going to bring it all back up again. I also wonder if they feel a little bit satisfied. that the court of public opinion has kind of turned. You know, it's not like as big of a scarlet letter as it was at the time. There's a lot of people that are saying, yeah, let them in the damn Hall of Fame.

Who cares? Right. Right. You know, the times have changed. People's ideas have changed. And I think, Dana, eventually we're going to see that. I think eventually there will be a change in attitude where those guys will eventually get in. I know they have a limit to how many get in for a year, but what if they just led them all in at once?

It was like a 48-hour ceremony of 20 guys getting in. Making a full-on steroid rage party. Throw all of them into the hall in the same year. Same years. Let them all in. Yeah, you know who had trouble with those steroids for a while was Jimmy Vollmer on South Park. Boy, you're not kidding. Well, you beat up his girlfriend and everything. It was terrible.

It was awful how he responded to that. Yeah, there you go. People have been texting in. I miss this, but there was a comment that, upset twins fans about the connection the twins have to Iowa. Oh, let me in on this. Like I said, I didn't have the volume up very loud last night. Okay, so then you didn't hear that. And I guess if you're talking about twins' connections to Iowa, it begins with the Polad family.

A long time and beloved twins ownership group from West Des Moines. The internet had a problem with the word. What? I missed that. With the term beloved. Beloved. Beloved. This guy doesn't know what's going on, doesn't it? Maybe somebody wrote that.

for him? Maybe in 1987 and 1991. Yeah. For sure. That's interesting. So this guy didn't really do his homework. Maybe not.

Or just kind of was speaking off the top of his head. He could have said it and then a second later said to himself, oh, Jesus. But it's funny how many people picked up on that. Oh, yeah. The words came out and he couldn't get him back.

Oh, that's funny. Oh, God, damn. Did you see the video of Roger dressed up as a 1915 Red Sox or whatever uniformy brought. Roger Clemens? Yep. And Cody having a catch on the old field.

Yeah, they did that after the game. Last night, Roger was part of the broadcast for an inning. And Cody had a microphone on. And so they were talking to Cody as Roger was in the booth. And Roger said that they've had this game circled on their calendar ever since it was announced. And he went out and got an old red socks uniform, red legs and all that kind of stuff.

Right. And there's video on the internet this morning of the two of them having a catch after the game last night. So I thought that was kind of cute. Well, sure. Now we got people texted in saying, well, what about Pete Rose?

I would have been fine if Pete Rose would have been put in the hall while he was still alive. I mean, you know, those guys would, if they put him in the hall, they would have an asterisk or something on the plaque. Put them in the bathroom. No, that says why they weren't, you know, put in immediately. Right.

No, sure. That'd be funny if they were. Bonds, Palmero, McGuire, Clemens, and Rose, their five plaques are above the pisser. Like the bar advertisements. Yeah. All right. So there you go. What a beautiful event and everything.

the twins got their asses kicked. Now we're back to normal life. The Little League World Series is going on, right? Okay, someone told me that at least a couple days ago. I don't follow it. I think the regionals are going on right now. All right, right. I don't know if this will be useful, but you probably heard this rundown before. The best big league players who also competed in the Little League World Series back when they were just a smart mouth ungrateful kid. These are the best big league ball players who also competed in the Little League World Series, guys like Gary Sheffield, Cody Bellinger, Jason Veritech, Derek Bell, Jason Bay, Todd Frazier, Jason Markey,

Calvin Portner, Ruben Tahada, Jonathan Scope, who played here with the twins for a while, and Charlie Hayes, those boys were on the big stage, even when they were just 12-13. possibly 17, 18 years old. You never know with the Little League World Series, right? It's funny when I was a kid, you know, very young, like elementary school watching. I just kind of assumed every kid in the Little League World Series I'd see in the MLB someday.

Yeah. You thought that would be the natural progression of things? Not necessarily the case. I was watching the Little League World Series 15 years ago, something. I was in my garage sitting on the couch. TV was on. I don't really get too dialed into the Little League. But I was watching it this particular day.

One of my buddies stops by, sits down on the couch and goes, what are you watching? I said, oh, the Little League World Series. And at the time, they were just introducing the kids, you know. Here he is, the third baseman. Woody Johnson, you know, a little 12-year-old kid trudges out. So we were going through the intros, and my buddy just looks at the TV and goes, yeah, future douchebags. And I said, unfortunately, that's probably true.

Yeah. Do you know I play in the Little League World Series? Right. Oh, is that right? What did you do over the summer? I played the Little League World Series. I don't know if you saw it was on ESPN. They show me.

They had a big graphic of my name on it. I said I like to hit dingers. Anyway, what would you do? Because while I was in the Little League World Series, I didn't get to see it because I was in the Little League World Series. 37 years old, still tell him the story. You sounded a little bit like Ron Burgundy there. You poop in the refrigerator.

You're not even matter. Our guy Clayboy. is doing, he does one of the regionals every year. The Playboy. He's off doing that. He told me one time. He does that every year, but he told me one time. That's the hardest thing that he has to do in all of his announcing duties all year

is to do those Little League regionals because you go into it. And normally, you know, you've got storylines built in on, he's like, I got to find out things about random 12 years old kids. Up to the plate now, Chris Johnson, he excels in Fortnite when he's not playing baseball. Recently, he got his retainer. He enjoys picking his nose in his spare time. Yeah. That's pretty much what you get, too, with those bios.

They're kind of cute with it. Yeah. He loves pizza and Lady Gaga. You know, okay. Today is National Wiffleball Day. 73 years ago today, 1953, a guy named David Mullaney, noticed his son was having a difficult time playing baseball

because he was always breaking windows or losing the baseballs on the roof. And the kid also showed no skills in throwing a curve ball. So dad took a round perfume carton. I don't even know what I'm talking about. But all I can do is just go ahead anyway. The dad took a round shaped perfume carton, cut slots in the damn thing.

And when he threw the ball, it curved. And that was how he came up. with this new invention, which ended up being called the Wiffle Ball. It doesn't sound like it would be, but some of those YouTube videos where they slow down wiffle ball pitches from people that know what they're doing are insane. They are insane. It's really entertaining. I watch that all the time on my phone.

I can't get enough of that whiffle ball stuff. I've watched a little bit of it. What they can do on the pitcher's mound is fun to watch. and how the batters can somehow track that ball and put it into the seats. I mean, the seats and with the ball aren't obviously what you see. But still, the fact that the batter can track the ball, it looks like a riot. It looks like an absolute blast. I've never seen those, but I do love, love, love the videos where the dad gets the comebacker right to the balls.

I got one of those of me, I can send you. Oh, yeah. Oh, actually, I showed that to you one. Yeah, that was great. I had one of those, my son when he was about eight, landed one right square in my face. I mean, just a rocket. I had no chance to get out of the way. That's fun for everybody involved.

Yeah. Yeah, we played a lot of wiffleball. Of course, I don't know about you guys, but very easily the wiffle ball would break. And then next thing, you know, you've got duct tape on it and you've got hockey tape on it. And it was great. Yep, yep. My favorite whiffleball experience for me was I was going to Madison with the girlfriend. We were going to meet her parents for the first time.

And I was intimidated about her dad because he was a very successful man, so I was very nervous to meet him. And we get there and we're hanging on the deck, nice to meet you. Yeah, hey, that's great. This is going to be a fun weekend. And her little brother, who's about eight, says, hey, hey, let's play wiffle ball. So I go, okay. So I'm pitching to him a little bit, and he's, you know, hitting one.

He goes, now I want to pitch. I go, okay. And again, I just met these parents. I was very nervous. First pitch, I just smoked the kid. I mean, didn't hit the kid. I mean, like, I took him deep. Like, just a moonshot.

And the kid's like, I'm like, oh, it's okay. I'm like, let's play again. I'm like, okay, rain it in. But then he left another one hanging. What was I supposed to do? So I blasted another one. You got established dominance. And the kid runs crying to his mom.

And I'm like, oh, no, what did I do here? I thought you were going to say you just blasted him in the face. No, no, I took him deep. Moonshots, Brad. But the dad did. So after the kid was crying and it's looking at me, okay, me and the dad about a half hour later were standing by the grill. And he goes, hey, I really appreciate what you did there.

I'm like, oh, yeah? He goes, yeah, the kid gets away with everything around here. Sometimes, you know, he's got to be taught a lesson. So I was like, oh, it was a big side of relief. After that kid. We got into stick ball. That was our thing with a tennis ball and a sought-off hockey stick. We played in my backyard from junior high.

all the way into our frigging 20s. We had a riot playing stickball. Kirby Puckett said in his biography, autobiography, that's all he played growing up because it's all they could afford. A little different, though, I think the traditional game was with a broomstick. Yep.

Yes. And was it a racquet ball? I think Kirby kind of described as anything they could find. Anything. We used a tennis ball and the cutoff hockey stick, and man, we had a blast. Sort of similar to your story, Dana. One afternoon, we were high school age.

one afternoon, we always put play after school, the hottest gal from our high school and a couple of her gal friends stopped by. I mean, these gals were slinging it. And we were friendly with these gals. It wasn't as if this was a total surprise, but I was up to the plate at the time. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to show these chicks

who they're dealing with. And I was a lefty. And I even told the gals, I said, you might want to move off to the side a little bit. I pulled the piss out of the ball here while I was a big-time pull-hitter and stickball. my buddy throws me and the gals did move over a little bit

but not enough. My buddy slings one at me I mean I frozen rope this sum bitch like I was Jim Tomey and I hit the hottest gal from our high school right in the throat with that tennis ball I mean she goes down like a sack of potatoes

she's crying up and down the next day at school she looked like she got attacked by a honey badger for Christ's sake Great. I mean, I might have impressed the other two, gals, but the hottest one was not impressed. What's happening here, Josh? Look at that description. Okay.

Josh was just, uh, Josh just printed off. It's from courtesy flush Jesus. Courtesy flush Jesus sent this. This is a freeze frame of a little kid up to the plate at a past Little League World Series. And we're talking about the little bio they put together for these kids. So here's the kid, by the name of Ben, he's up to the plate, and his bio says this, has a crush on his teacher. Oh, my gosh. And in parentheses, it says, what's up, Ms. Stephen?

I hope that's real. That's funny. What do they say? What do the young people say again, Josh? Shoot your shot. Yeah, you got to shoot your shot. I did not know this. But you privileged golfers,

Randy Shaver, Brad Ryder. You guys are golfers, right? I wouldn't necessarily say I'm a golfer, but yes. I played Wednesday. You might know this. If you fake a hole in one, that's a good way to get your ass kicked. I would think so. Yeah, you don't do that.

You don't? No. I didn't know that. There's a story going around about some, golfer golf player in Missouri he goes by the name of Zach he's had to resign from his job

at a certain country club there in Missouri called Winghaven he's had to resign from his job there after admitting that he staged a hole in one during a member member's only tournament what a bitch well how do you do that Because there's people around you. And if you work at a country club, how do you not know better?

He was just looking for some attention. Yeah. Yeah. Well, were other people in on it? Were there other people in on it? Good question. Here's what he did. They had to have been.

He secretly placed a ball in the cup and then claimed, hooray, I got a hole in one. He must have selected a time when nobody was looking. Yeah, but that usually has to be verified. Was he playing alone? I don't play by me. Yeah, I don't know how you do that. Let's just, let's just.

If you're playing alone and you get a hole in one, it doesn't count. Sorry. Let's just imagine that there was nobody looking. I can't explain it any further, but he did originally get away with it. He places a ball in the hole on a par three and says, I got a hole in one. And everyone said hip, hip, hooray, right? Well, security cameras exposed this kid for lying about it. he lost his job and sadly of course everyone's threatening him on social media that's not that serious

he says that his sad guy but even his family is being threatened on social me it's not like he won five million dollars for like faking this whole one like it's just his own thing he's got to deal with like it sucks but okay I guess I was mistaken sorry he didn't resign from working at the club he resigned his membership at the club I don't know anything about this world but thank you for straightening me out so he had to resign his membership at the he sounds very what's the word I'm looking for Josh apologetic remorseful remorseful remorseful he uh I'm sure he's embarrassed a college age kid I'm not exactly sure oh well all right you have plenty of time to make that a reality man a college kid who's got a membership to a country club he's clear very spoiled. Yes. I had to wait until I was 56. He said he feels...

Brad's sliding in the country club membership, Brad. No, I'm talking... No, I'm talking about the whole and one. Oh, okay. That's awesome, dude. He said there's no excuse for what I did. I was completely stupid, this, that, the other thing. Thank goodness I was playing with somebody else,

and I wasn't out by myself or like Ashley said, it wouldn't have counted. Yeah, no, I used to, before the baby, of course, but I used to go golf and alone quite often, and I would get pretty close, and my husband would tell me he's like, you know if you get a whole home on, and I'm not there or like nobody else sees it, we don't count that.

Like, I'm not going to believe you. Come on, man. All right, now here are listeners who, again, they always know every damn thing, and if they don't, they just make it up. But that's what we do too, don't we, Judge? One of our listeners claims this kid is like a repeat offender. he's done this gimmick before at other clubs.

I didn't see that part of the story. I didn't see that part of the story, but that's according to one of our listeners. Someone else said that he ran off to make a telephone call and told everyone that his grandma died. I don't know what the hell's going on. He got some distance from the people he's playing with. He was like, hey, you guys, go ahead.

I'm going to all tee off over here. Others are saying that he could have won $40,000. This sounds like a much. Whatever website I looked at last night did not have. all this deep inside information. This sounds like it's maybe a darker tale than we originally thought. Yeah. Jeez. Speaking of a hole and ones, are there any My Name is Earl fans on the show? I love that program. I certainly liked it when I watched it. I can't say I watched it. I absolutely loved that show and it aggravates me that I don't have the skill set to find it anymore.

I can't find it anywhere because I'd love to watch it again. But what about my name is Earl? There is an episode once because it's tradition. If you hit a hole in one, you buy the course a round of drinks on you. Sure. And there was this hole that was like a dog leg left. So when you teed off a little bit, you couldn't necessarily see the hole. So they were hiding in the woods, and they would go pick up the ball and put in the hole and then go back and hide.

Oh, my God, hole in one, so that they would get the free drinks that this guy would have to buy. So they kept running that a couple times and they found like, how was everybody getting a hole and one on this hole? And who are these drunk hillbillies that are. Exactly. Now I want to watch it. That show was so good.

Looks like it's on Hulu. I got to find that. What is Hulu? I got to find it. That is one of the funniest sitcoms ever. What is Hulu? Oh, man. Oh, here's some, speaking of inside information, which our listeners always seem to have, and we appreciate it.

Apparently, this hole in one kid has been a problem for years. Speaking of inside information, here's some on how and why the totally unprovening. proven and injury-prone J.J. McCarthy failed again to impress anybody over there at training camp in order to give him that starting quarterback job. Some dork reporter said that he was at training camp and he said that troubled head coach Kelvin O'Connor would make a coaching suggestion to J.J. McCarthy and McCarthy would push back and say, well, why don't we just do it this way instead? And the reporter says that is acceptable for a veteran quarterback with a pile of starts to his name, but not so much for a novice kid who barely threw the ball in college.

I've been seeing more and more articles saying their relationship is horrible between the two of them. Talking about the troubled head coach and the totally unproven and injury prone? Yes. Yeah, he's going to get here as soon, isn't he? I can see where it would have gotten worse after JJ basically found out that O'Connell didn't want. want to draft him. Huh? Well, yeah, and the story's been out that he didn't want, but the coach didn't want to draft him.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. See where the relationship would have gotten worse after all that came on. They hate each other's guts. That's not good. Listen to this crap. I'm on KOC side. I'm sorry? She's got a crush on the coach.

Yeah, I'm on KLC side. Whatever he wants. His days are a number. He'll be in Green Bay by mid-season. Listen to this crap. These got to be lies, Covey. Lies. Las Vegas Raiders number one overall pick, Fernando Mendoza said during a recent interview that he's been to the Las Vegas strip a couple of times since joining the Raiders this offseason, but he has zero desire of becoming a regular. Uh-huh.

I was wondering if you'd think, you know, he's just, he's too nerdy now. I think he's too nerdy. I don't think that's something he's going to be. He does not come off as a person that. He's going to catch an STD in the Caesar's Palace parking lot by week three. I don't think so. He says, referring to the Las Vegas strip, it's like the boogeyman.

You don't want to go there. It's like when you're a kid, you're trick-or-treating, and there's the haunted house. You're not trying to go over there. He's going to have an STD by week three. Don't tell me you're going to be a person. athlete in Las Vegas, and you're not going to go to the strip? Where would be the place you could get a STD by week three here in Minnesota?

Maple Lake. Oh, even Maple Lake. Didn't even get to finish. What's the top three? Maple Lake's number one. Maple Lake. Rockford. Oh, my God.

Why Rockford? And Glenwood. Glenwood. What? Glennwood. You used to spend a lot. I was going to say like Blaine, maybe. Glenwood.

You spent a lot of time there. I caught something. relatively clean. I caught something at Waterrama in 97. Is that still going on? That's popular. That water rama. You went to a lot of those.

I was pouring, I was pouring turpentine on my rod for a week after. Does that work? Sometimes you've got to try everything, Josh. No, that was a mistake, Randy. That was not doctor's orders. Man, oh, man. So what else did this Mendoza kid say about Las Vegas and the strip? He said, oh, yeah, listen to this.

Every once in a while, he says, on an off day, maybe I'll just go out and catch a movie like Spider-Man or The Odyssey. Or does this kid a Muppet? Is he for real? Yeah. They got a couple of bad boys. He is not a, he is, that's the way he is. Yeah. All right, there you go.

He actually played pretty well last night. You didn't watch the football game last night, did you? I looked at his numbers this morning. and read about it. He played pretty well. And cousins are his touchdown pass too? Yeah. No, but he's got a dynasty league to get ready for this morning. F both of them. And that Jeremiah Love had a monster

first game last night. Yeah, he's already got to earn money on that second contract with that car he bought his girlfriend. He looked great. Quite a few other people texting in saying they caught something in Rockford. Yeah, geez, a lot of people did. Holy heck. Speaking of football, the Vikings play tomorrow. No, they don't. Yeah, they do.

What time? No, noon tomorrow. Sweet. Against the Giants. Shut up. Oh, come on. Don't you want to watch? Please don't do that to me.

Don't you want to watch nine? Let's watch nine tomorrow. I do want to watch. Yeah, I suppose there is some attraction to watching that kid. There is. Yeah. Because I told you, bastards from the friggin' word go. You did.

I told you. Of course. I know. You stupid bastards. All right. We got to get going. It's Friday. It's an F-off day.

Oh, my gosh. I can't believe you. I'm going to talk about the Timberwolf schedule. Oh, my gosh. Why the hell what I'm? It's August 14th. What the hell do I care about? I know.

Aren't you excited? Well, didn't we talk about it? What do you want to talk about? 27 national games. I mean, for a team that doesn't have a great TV deal locally, that's a pretty good deal. That's a good point. That is a good point.

I'm telling you. You can't. You're not going to be able to find anywhere. It's like a catch-22 in a way, though, because the people who were complaining about the local TV deal a week ago and now are like, okay, see, I don't have to go get this. But also, you're going to have

five different streaming services, because, you know, some of them are going to be on this, some of them are going to be on that. That's all right. I got them all. 27 national, what do you call it, televised games? Okay. And a home game on Christmas. Home game on Christmas. First time in franchise history. Oh, that's really sweet.

You know what Cubby says about the bang bros all the time? He says, damn, those guys are cool. And they'll be featured 27 times on National Day. That's great to hear. Those guys carry around some pocket turpentine just in case. Little travel size. Little travel size turpentine. Edward says to Lamello, I was in Glenwood last night.

You got any turpentine? Have a great weekend, Randy and Brad. You bet. We'll talk you on Monday. We'll be back in a couple of minutes. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard. heating and air conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust

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just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The U.S. Soccer Podcast. These players are battered and exhausted, but you don't hurt.

Like this if you don't care about this team, about this country, about this game. You can feel the intensity. The goals, the energy that, wow, look at us. Here in the U.S., I have got some news for you. There's so much more to come. My name is Megan Klingberg, and we're just getting started. The U.S. Soccer Podcast, presented by Henco, follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X half-ass morning show.

She's a full-on, four-alarm Friday broadcast. can feel the vibe going around, and it's good. It's good. Let's see we can see what we can make out of the remaining half hour or so here. Let me kick this here conversation in the ass with a text message from a feller called Minnesota Moses. He's got a story for us, Josh. What's he got this morning? Dude says one damn day. He found himself taking a squeege. in between Tom Hanks and Tom Selleck. Hip to hip, he says. Really?

Well, Tom's sandwich. Here's his story. He says, I was taking a piss between Tom Selleck and Tom Hanks. I glanced at him and I said, well, I guess you guys are just a couple of peeing Tom's. This guy related to Josh. I thought he was setting us up. He said the angry silence is something I won't say. and forget. What do you mean made it up? You don't believe you ever took a piss between

Tom Hanks and Tom Selleck? You don't? You don't believe it? No. You're having trouble buying it? No. I don't believe in at all. Let's throw this boat party into your face again. We mentioned it yesterday. We're jumping on another one of those boat rides next month. Time once again to rock that stinking river. Let's do it. All right? Can't wait. Friday, September 18th. That'll be one day after I turned 55 years old. Wow. Friday, September 18th. And one day before Iron Maiden. That's going to be a busy week, isn't it?

My goodness, that's a big weekend. Birthday boat maiden. F. Me running sideways. Yes, the following night will be Iron Maiden with Mac. But first, Friday, September 18th, we're jumping on the boat from 7 to 10 p.m. Out there on the Mississippi with our pals from Paddleford River Boats in St. Paul. Boy, they've taken us on a trip or two. The folks from Paddleford River Boats.

We owe them. Yeah, I suppose we probably should do something nice for them at one point or another. 25 bucks. That's what'll cost you. Cheap bastards. 25 bucks. Go to 93X.com. We'll have all the details.

Get your tickets now. We understand they're whipping through them at a rapid pace. Yeah, it's not just a selling point here. It's true. And last time they sold out real quick twice. And supposedly it's just limited stuff left. I tried this morning and it looked like you could still buy. I tried to buy two packs and you still could.

So if you're interested, jump on it, though. We want to rock that river, I mean sideways. Lots going on on the boat, aside from just, you know, jaw jacking and binge drinking, grab assing. Live music. Rock Brigade. I don't know if we've ever, have we worked with Rock Brigade before, Josh. No, I was what, at first I thought, is that a Deaf Leopard Tribute Act? They sound very familiar to me.

Maybe we have mingled with them before. I'm sorry. My memory isn't what it. I clicked on the link we have on our website, but it's Facebook and I don't have Facebook. So I can't really see what's going on. Can we look up their set list, their average set list? Yeah, I want to see what they play. Because, of course, Josh and I want to sit in on a song or two.

Rock Brigade will provide live music, food from the lookout in Maple Grove. I love the lookout. Drinking, carrying on. Brought to you. Thank you to these folks. The party is brought to you by Anytime Bail Bonds and Hogbauer Automotive, 3rd Avenue, and Main Street. Go to our website again if you want any other details, but certainly go there to buy your ticket.

Otherwise, you're just going to be sitting around like a damn J. Brone. I pulled a Barack Brigade's Facebook account, and they describe themselves as a nonstop party where everyone can enjoy the music they love and sing along with all their favorite hits. Sweet. Hey, that sounds pretty good to me. So yeah, they must do quite a few things.

Do you know how to play weight by White Lion? That's the most important question, I think, so far for the the characters involved in the Rock Brigade. By far my favorite part of these past fall booze cruises is seeing you drumneck. It makes me so happy. It feels like what I imagine it would feel like to watch your child do something amazing. Like I've got like tears in my eyes and I'm like, my cheeks hurt because I'm smiling so big because you just look so happy and it's cool seeing you do something that you enjoy.

That was really sappy. I'm sorry. I got a new best friend. I just love it. I texted a picture to your wife on the drums because she wasn't on that boat last year. I think I think it was last year. And then I'm like, he's really good. And she responded, don't encourage him.

I was going to guess that she said something like slob or something, dork. I'm not that good. It's not that difficult to song to drum. And I don't know if I'm still built for it the last time I did it. I was absolutely exhausted after it was over. And I felt like I needed someone to help me off the drum. boat. It just exhausted me. So there you go. We're going to have a little

fun skis out there on the Mississippi again with our Rock the River boat cruise. I'd love it, Josh. If you'd finally grow a pair and get up there and play the guitar. I've never been invited. I mean nobody's ever said, do you want to come do this thing?

That's a good point. Yeah, so you've got to have an invite first. And I'm not going to try any Vito Brata up there. I'm not like if I would pretend I had to go to the bathroom during a solo. Oh, what a terrible time for him. You can just be the rhythm guitar player? I mean, I play a song I know how to play, but that's not easy. I suppose, yeah, the band needs to invite you. Yeah, that's number one I've always bought. They haven't done that yet.

There you go. So I suppose that'll be middle of September. Summer's kind of come into a close, right? Yep. Josh mentioned that Iron Maiden Megadeth show. I'm kind of looking at that cubby as like putting a bow on the summer of 20 and 26, which has been mostly miserable for me personally. Yeah, me too, man. Yeah, Ashley, too. She's no kidding. Summer of 20 and 26 has kind of sucked eggs.

So that Iron Maiden Megadest show, our boat party, I'm looking for those two events to kind of put a nice spin on the summer of 20 and 26. Did you know that 23% of Americans are sad today? because they haven't made the most of their summer. They're sad. I have had that feeling in the past where I look back. I'm like, what did I actually do this summer?

And it's usually not much. And I go, I'm okay with that. I kind of do that every New Year's Eve. What did I do this year? Yeah, okay. I wasted this year. Yeah. I try not to think about it too much, I guess.

I don't either. This year has been different, but most years I don't really think about it much. I do remember the times, though, going back to school, and hey, what did you do this summer? And some kids would be like, oh my God, we went to Florida, we did this. We did Disney World. We saw the Twins game.

I got to meet the play. I did all this. What did you do? Played Nintendo and... Vasturbated. Playing some soccer tournaments. I don't know. Sat around.

Yeah. I played with my friends. I don't know what to tell you. They never went ahead and took a summer vacation this year. Nope. This is the first year I've ever... Well, I suppose it was a late spring. or does that count?

So maybe not a summer vacation. You went to a baseball game. It counts. I've never been to a official summer vacation. I've never felt a need, if I'm like to take a vacation in the summer. If I'm taking a vacation, it's going to be to get away from like the winter for a little bit.

That's how a lot of folks do it. Yeah, I made another trip that that was, you know, springtime, but that's good enough for me. I don't need that. I don't need that getaway. I'm a very simple person. I'm not high maintenance like some of you people that need to be whisked away to some frigging tropical island.

High maintenance is who you are. I've been itching to just like get out of the house. Like I'll just take me to Grant Moray for a weekend. I was going to say you'd take a weekend and Blaine. Yeah. If it meant you could just be by yourself a little bit. Short drive for you. Yeah, I've never been somebody that needed to leave the house.

No. No. You're not wired like that. I'm sorry to hear that so many of you are feeling sad because the summer has gotten away from you. Yeah. You saved some bucks. feel good about that. It's been too hot to do anything. July was hot. July was terrible hot. Speaking of how we have dealt with some, I mean, there was a stretch of

days, weeks really, where it was just hotter than a crack pipe on payday. I mean, really, new guy was in the corner puking his guts out. You guys remember how hot it was in July. Yes. Leave it to the Japanese folks to have an idea or two cooking. There is a Japanese company over their summers who has come up with refrigerators for humans. Oh. They call it a personal cooling cabinet. That should be the nickname for my home, which is the coldest home in Hennepin County. I don't need a personal cooling cabinet. All I got to do is walk in the friggin' stinking front door. But for those of you who don't have that situation, they've developed this big old metallic container with a glass door so people can see that you're still breathing

a metallic container with a glass door and it's designed to be a personal cooling space for human damn beings you climb in Josh you sit your sweaty ass down on this built-in seat cool air blows up your behind and they have it set around 41 degrees that's even cold for me. Yeah, that's a touch too cold. You look ridiculous. Does it look silly? Yeah. Oh, I got to see. It kind of looks like you're a Barbie on the shelf of a store. Just in the display box there.

Yeah, 41. That's awful chilly. 41 degrees. The air, they say, is directed at your head, neck, shoulders, breasts, and back. They say it's kind of like the jets of a hot tub. And according to the nut jobs who built this pig. They say a 10-minute stay in this human refrigerator helps quickly reduce body temperature, alleviate the symptoms of heat-related exhaustion. So set one of these up, plug it in at the construction site. When some of the boys start to look a little woozy, you kick them into the human refrigerator

and order them to cool down for 10 minutes. That's very interesting because I was always told, like, when you get, like, heat exhaustion, you don't want to, like, drink really cold water. You want to drink like room temperature water. So I always thought like it wasn't good to like shock your system like that. This seems like it could be a heart-stopping shock to the system. Yeah. I mean, people love those cold plunges nowadays.

Oh, those people are idiots. I like turning my shower to cold sometimes. I kind of like that feeling of it, like taking your breath away. Let me ask you this. Kind of like the slogan over there at Hogbauer Automotive, who sponsors everything we do around here now. They'll be selling T-shirts at the state fair. They will be.

Hogbauer is going to finally make some real friggin' money, legitimately, as opposed to robbing your average Schmo who wants a new set of tires. But they're not putting price tags on these shirts. Don't they have a philosophy about how much that'll cost? They have a slogan. They have a philosophy. It's not how much. It's how much you got.

So similar to the folks over there at Hogbauer Automotive, let me ask you, what do you think these sleazy crooks who came up with the human refrigerator? What do you think they want in trade for one of them? Go ahead. $10,000. $10,000 is our first guess. Do I hear $10,000? I'm going to go with $100,000.

Oh, man. I guess these days that wouldn't shock me. It's a Viking freezer. This is made for like celebrities. If this was the prices right, Ashley, they would laugh you out of the room and kick your ass maybe on the way out because you were so far over. I love the prices right.

Dana was very close. They want $9,000 in trade for the human refrigerator. Can't you see one of our parents when we were kids coming up with using the human refrigerator to punish us at one border or another? Cool down, your little peckerhead. So there you go. There are times. When I worked at a restaurant, I did every once in a while, I go, my gosh, I got to get into that walk-in cooler.

How long has it been since you truly see? sweat. Or maybe the correct way to say is sweated, I don't know. I mean, outside of a little perspiration. Because you are, as you've mentioned before, avid endorsement. Correct. Sometimes in the past when you've sweat, you were confused

as to what was happening to your body. I thought it was clear blood. One's the last time, I mean, you just let her buck like you had malaria. Boy, I don't even remember. What about when you helped your daughter move? Oh, that's a good guess. Oh, yeah, okay, yeah. I thought I was going to die. You're right. I was confused. I had to

Ask everybody what is happening with the water in my body. I don't understand. Yeah, that sucked. Dude, I'm so jealous. I wish I didn't sweat like I do. But you considered when you were working in kitchens, you considered ducking back into the club. Oh, I would actually do that.

I mean, there's times where it was like so friggin' hot. You're moving so fast. I'm like, I got to go back there and just hang out a little bit. Yeah, it was very common. Got the second basin one. Oh, heck yeah, you did. Nice, dude. Who said that?

You got the second basin a damn, uh, Restaurant cooler? Yeah, I was attacked. Oh, wait. We have different versions of second base. That's still pretty cool, though. What? There's a different second base?

Yeah, we've been through this before. I thought third base was different. No, because first is like kissing with like touching, like, light touching. For the younger people, second base is anal. No, my gosh, no. Like with multiple people. No. Like the shortstop comes in.

And there's people watching. Jeez. We've got a couple people who have texted in to talk about. Their occupation, some of them work at gas stations and restaurants and whatnot, and grocery stores that they say, yeah, they like to take breaks in the cooler because they sweat their nads off at work. We used to smoke in the cooler, too. Word.

You just like blow it up in the little event. Sure. Smoke break. Yep. Meet me in the cooler. We're about done, but you're a great crowd. Appreciate you hanging out with us. Have a terrific weekend.

We'll check back in on Monday. we were talking about summer. It's damn near come to a close here. I don't know. It depends on who you are. Oh, it's been done for like two weeks for me. It's already been done. Yeah, Halloween decor went up.

Summer's done. You put up your Halloween stuff? Yes, sir. For Pete's sake. Some people look at the state fair as the end of summer. Some folks think, oh, no, no. Summer doesn't really come to an end until maybe Halloween. Ashley and I mentioned that we haven't had the greatest summers, and we're not alone.

We've got a couple of text messages here on people who had a piss poor summer of 20 and 26. I don't have any further information here, but here's a guy that just simply says, my summer has sucked. I got robbed at gunpoint. Oh, I'm so sorry. That'll ruin a summer. That'll ruin some underwear. Whoa, dude.

You know what? You don't have to put me at gunpoint. Go ahead. You can just rob me. Your words are enough. Also, could you tell us where this happened so I never, ever go to that area ever? Thank you. What happened?

Where were you? What happened? All right. There are others who they're looking forward to summer coming to a close. They're looking forward to putting a lid on this some bitch. Baudet fishing guy, Jesus. He says, I'm happy summer is almost over. Eight weeks left on this stupid boat.

It's funny. I seem to remember that each year he'll kind, around this time a year, he's done. Yeah. He's tired of leading. folks out there. He's been dealing with a lot. He would think that would be just a Cush gig, but, you know, I don't mean easy.

I just mean wonderful. But, I mean, he's out there every friggin day. Yeah, and I'm sure he's probably dealing with some folks. And he's in Baudet for pizza. Yeah. Yeah. This person says, my summer sucked. I got my hand stuck in an auger at work.

Oh, dude. That probably wasn't pretty. That's too bad. An auger exactly said. I'm picturing an ice fishing auger. I'm not exactly sure what they mean. Like what kind of a... I think it's like the same kind of situation. Like it's just like rotating blades like that.

Maybe it mixes up big vats of food or something. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. But check this out. So one listener texted in and said, their worst summer ever, 2007. You want to hear what happened? I got mono and an STD on the same night. From the same person?

He didn't give any further details, but I think we can assume it was the same person. Got mono and an STD in the same night. My mother got a DWI and my dad knocked up the lady next door. That's crazy. I mean, I guess maybe you just got it all over at once. I'd watch that movie. They say like bad things happen in threes, right? Yes, it's not like you just recover from one.

and here's another one. Just get it all over. Hey, dude, they got robbed at gunpoint. We don't need to hear your story anymore. Dude. This person says a buddy there's got carjacked about a month ago, and then his girlfriend left him because he didn't fight back. Oh, wow.

You can't fight back. You can't win that situation anymore. Tough audience right there. What in the world? She's a terrible person for that. I know nothing else about her, but you suck for that. Tough crowd. It's probably a 14-year-old now, right?

And you're an adult. You knock over a 14-year-old, that's not going to look good. Or their arm they're going to shoot you. That's bad. You can't win that situation. You did the right thing. Yes, 100%. Jesus, crime and he.

All right, I imagine since it's our Friday program, you probably have a pile of shout-outs for us, Covey. Yeah, quite a few here. And I hope I didn't miss any. The tax are coming in Fast and Furious like they do every Friday. Ooh, did I make you excited when I said Fast and Furious? I was about to make a reference, yeah. Oh, you also said Friday.

Oh, yeah. Did I make you excited? I love that movie series, yes. Oh, yeah, cool. Star Trek. Oh, look, I make me excited. There's a chicken barbecue happening tomorrow in Randolph supporting the local Randolph

Hampton Fire Department. A special thank you to the R-Barr for sponsoring the event. By the way, tractor pull. They got a tractor pull. Huh? Happy birthday, Owen. He's turning 12 from Nighthawk and Dragon Jesus on their way to Valley Fair to celebrate. That'll be a fun birthday.

I think they still have surprises for all ages and sizes over there. At Valley Fair? You know it. And Happy birthday to Ava turning the big 04 tomorrow. Have a great weekend, folks. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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