93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Scandinavian Elk Fever

Episode Date: February 9, 2026

Originally Aired February 9, 2026: Dr. P answers medical questions. Thunder box. Everything you wanna know about giving kids chewable laxatives.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-ass morning show. Ninety-nine. Ah, well, here we go. Welcome to the 93X-Hafass Morning Show. We have returned.

We thank you for your patience last week. We had the shutter smooth down for a couple of days due to some type of Scandinavian elk flu that swept through the building. It made a direct hit on Josh and I. I, for one, still haven't completely shaking it. I'm probably 85%, but I'll take that over last week. That was miserable. I don't know if you feel the same way,

but still got a little sinus stuff going on, but the majority of it is complete exhaustion. My body feels like I've been running a marathon, which I've never done, and I would never do. Yeah, I'm frigging cooked still. I'm on steroids. don't tell the United States Olympic Committee. You're going to get buff.

I'm probably going to get pretty caught by the time this is all set and done. It's just been terrible. You've been having a rough day in general. I've been to the doctor's office twice in the last week. They say this cough might be permanent. What happened, Ashley? I said you've been having a rough day in general today. It started off poorly, yes.

Drinking out of a cup here, this pink teaky cup. I like to have a friggin 50-gallon drum of Gatorade. That's one of the biggest mugs I've ever seen, whatever that thing that you used to have. Yeah, you could kill a man with that thing. It looks so good and refreshing every morning, though. It's filled with ice. This just looks amazing. I've never put ice in the damn thing.

But a big fat water drum that I bring in every day. load it with a Gatorade first day back since what Wednesday? Today? Yeah. Miserable. Still sick. Get to the front door.

About ready to punch in the cold or whatever you do to get into this miserable building. I got my backpack over my shoulder. I got my big fat drum of water. I haven't even mixed in the Gatorade yet. Got it in my left hand. Newspaper at my feet. Bend over to pick up the newspaper.

Drop that water jug on the sidewalk in front of the front door. Big friggin' hole pops in the bottom of it. Oh, no. All my water from home spills all the water jug broken. Yeah. So now I... That's frustrating. There's no gatorade in the, what do you call the thing up front?

Vending machine. Vending machine. All they have is caffeinated soda. I can't drink caffeinated soda. My heart will explode. I'll die. So I've got a little pink cup with some sink water in it sitting to my right. That's what I'm stuck with today.

I know, you know, people might say, oh, boo-hoo. But I bet we got a moat out front with the amount of water you carry in that. It's mostly ice. First day back, not feeling all that great again. And the first thing I do is drop my water jug. It pops like a zit on prom night and spills 55 gallons. That one's of water at my feet. Is it kitchen sink water or bathroom sink water?

I went ahead to the drinking fountain. Drinking fountain. Okay, because Josh uses the bathroom water. Yeah, I get a lot of crap for that. Yeah. But he gives me crap for using the bathroom to fill up my water jug. I'm sure it's all the same coming from the same tap, same source, but for some reason, that weirds me out too, Josh.

Yeah, it grosses a lot of people out. Yeah. It's just so much faster. Yeah. I like to be efficient. At home, at home, I'll drink out of this bathroom sink, kitchen sink, laundry sink. That's not what I'm pissed about. What I'm pissed about is I've had to go from 55 gallons of water to 12 ounces.

And I like to keep my whole lubed during this friggin program, especially when I'm not feeling 100%. First thing I do, crack that damn water jug. Ah, for Pete's sake. Well, I'll run and get you water. As I go and get mine anyways, so I'm happy to refill that thing a bunch of times. You do urinate seven or eight times during the show. water. It's like I go fill up my water bottles over and over and over again. I've been rattling the walls of my home for a week and a half now with this cough. My wife is going to smother me with a

pillow and then pull a sink out of the floor and throw it through the window like I was R.P. McMurphy so she can escape into the woods. Haven't had a beer in two weeks. Oh, no. Maybe that's what's wrong with you. That's what everybody says. How's everybody else doing so? Josh, you've made it out the other Yeah, like I said, about 85%, which I will happily take after how miserable I was last week. There are friends that seem clean Nate text me over the weekend. He's like, do you want me to come in there and just chlorine bomb that building? Yes. Because it really has wiped out so many people in the building.

And so they're trying to work that out. They come in and just kill whatever's going around here. I would love that. Like I said, somebody traced it back to some kind of a Scandinavian elk fever that, was brought over here on a boat. I don't know if you got that email. No, I didn't, but thank you for letting me know. Yeah, that's crazy.

Elks in Scandinavia. Oh. And they spit into a bucket or whatever, and they brought it over on a boat accidentally and ended up here at the radio station. I believe you. I've watched more television the last few days and I had in the prior 10 years.

Did you watch any of the Olympics? No. No, I did not. tune into the Olympics. Did I miss anything? I mean, I know later on this morning, I've got an overall medal count, which is thrilling. I've got a medal count for you after the first four or five days or whatever they've been through. But no, I didn't catch any Olympics.

I mean, besides, like, what happened to Lindsey Vaughn, I guess nothing crazy has happened. I watched some of it, not really on purpose, but it was on kind of where we were over the weekend. So I saw some of it. Where we were. that was an old song. Lindsay Vaughn broke her leg. Yeah, that's her name, right? Lindsay, okay. Yeah.

Friday used to high school. Where were you over the weekend? Basketball tournament in Brainerd. You went ahead with that? Well, I went a day late. Just my family went up on Thursday. That was the original plan. You're not very good at basketball.

Well, I didn't play. Oh. I didn't play. How'd your son do? I'm the team manager. No, I'm not. He did real well two of the games. Oh, then the incident?

You know, he just, his, the first game, it was all right. His last game didn't play too well. But he did, I mean, there was two games. They gave him a nickname. They called him Splash. Oh, is he hitting him? He was hitting him. Nice.

But yeah, I was proud. That's awesome. He did a great job. The same nickname as Mother has. You know, that's my wife you're talking about. What did you make a, what did you make a from? And her nickname is Squirt. for the record, not splash.

What did you make a Brainerd? Talk to me. Oh, I love Brainer. You love Brainer? Yeah, it was fun. We had a lot of fun up there. Well, what did you do? Well, mostly, watched a lot of basketball. Did you get a chance to do anything? Because I know you were planning on hitting every corner of the town. Yeah, I loved you talking about this and like backing out of every plan. Yeah, it was, well, we didn't back out. We were forced to back. Right, we had this plan for months upon months. You were talked out of it. Yeah, talked out of it.

We wanted to rent snowmobiles, and they're like, yeah, sorry, not renting snowmobiles, not enough snow. And so we wanted to go ice fishing and weren't able to do that. So we basically, for the most part, we were at Craigins. Hung out there quite a bit. But, you know, the basketball schedule is tough to really get away and do anything. Right, and it also depends on when your kid wins or loses, you know, when the next game's going to be. So it's tough like that. I remember those days.

I did get a kick out of us sitting here. And Josh, you were telling Nick, like, oh, yeah, maybe we'll. go rent some snowmobiles. Maybe we'll go ice fishing. And Nick's like, no, don't do either of those things. That sucks. Yeah, like I said, we tried. It's just we weren't. Well, I'm glad that you weren't able to go ice fishing or snowmobiling because that would have been too damn much. I don't know why you were planning all these things when you're going to be sitting in a gym for three days watching basketball in the first place, especially when you weren't feeling well. I was just basically saying, dude, take it easy on yourself. You're going to be busy enough with this basketball tournament.

Well, most of what we were going to do on Friday. Anyway, and then, like I said, I stayed home. Everybody else went up Thursday. I stayed home just to kind of rest out. What the hell is this? Smoking meats and clapping cheeks, Jesus texted into the show. And he said, I was in Brainerd this weekend, too, for the eighth grade girls. Oh, come on, man.

I'm assuming he means basketball. Oh. Yeah. Dana, how was your ice fishing? I caught a fish. I'm really proud of. What kind of fish? A croppy.

Do you know what size? Was it a big one? It was 11 inches. That's not, no, you did not catch an 11-inch croppy. I sure did. That would have been a world record. Oh, really? That's insane.

You did not catch an 11-inch croppy. That's how much we measured it as. Did you measure it as you'd measure a penis? Where you start kind of at the beehole. Yeah, to the bottom of the tail. And about an inch past the tip. I spent a long time since I went croppy fishing, but that is a large croppy. This was your very first ice fishing trip this past weekend

Very first ice fishing trip I went with my wife, my father-in-law, ice castle Jesus longtime listener into this program long before I entered his life Imagine that surprise when he listens to the show And he finds out who his daughter is dating by the way Yeah But yeah, we went up there and East Rush Lake Great time I completely see the appeal of ice fishing

That was just wonderful God I had a great time Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's why. That helps. Yeah, drunk and you're just sitting there, and we had, you know, dumb movies like Ace Ventura on the background. It was absolutely delightful. How long were you in that thing? Just one night.

We were up there about Friday at noon and then left Saturday morning. I'm sorry, you caught one fish? One fish. That's typical. I'm still proud of you. Yeah, no, trust me, I left it late, too. I was the only one that had to caught one was just the three of us. And I was, like, I can't get skunked.

I will never hear the end of this from my father-in-law if I get skunked. Were you able to, you know, make love to the wife with him in there, or was that too awkward? Make love to the wife. Make whoopey? That did not happen now. Because you mentioned it was going to be a really nice ice house, right? It was a fun of the castles. Yeah, it was ice castle.

It was beautiful. State record for a black crappie is 10.5 inches. I'm kidding. It's 17 and a half inches. Okay. But 11 sounded quite large. It did. And then did you see both of us were like holding our finger.

Fingers up trying to measure 11. I guess, yeah, that's a good size. Did they catch anything that was, like, extraordinary? My wife caught in Northern that was, ooh, God, it was like 21 and a half or something like that. That's a good size, Northern. Good for her. Yeah. You ever catch any?

Well, no, of course not. You've only caught one fish in your lifetime. You ever hear any stories about those eel pout? Oh, now that's a pretty fish. Yeah. Next time, now that you've, I don't know, caught the bug, Is that how people say it? Maybe you'll go again?

Oh, absolutely. I want you to catch a big, slimy, evil eel pout. I bet you'll never go back. Oh, slimy. I definitely didn't take the fish off the hook or anything like that. I'm not that much of a man. You're awesome. I'm sorry?

You what? I didn't take the fish off the hook. Oh, come on. Did you bait your hook? Oh, God, no. Jesus Christ, actually. Are you just stealing Josh's bit? Are you serious?

I mean, you're afraid of baiting the hook and removing the fish from them? I just don't know how to do that. It's not a skill set I possess. If I've never done it, I would rather just be like, all right, you do it. I don't care about learning. You cut the head off the fish. That's what you do. Seriously.

If it's anything like I do with Sonny's, you completely gut the fish by accident. I've baited a lot of hooks for men over the ears, and it's a good feeling as a woman. Oh, I bet it is, yeah. Oh, no, my wife loved my inexperience. So she could do everything. I bet. kind of show off a little bit. That's embarrassing.

Yeah. Yeah, my wife grew up fishing. She's an expert. She knows what she's doing. Eel pout. The poor man's lobster, says John Deere, Jesus. There are creepy bastards. Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Yeah, it was a great time. Like I said, we weren't exactly roughing it. We had that nice ice castle, internet. You know, we were watching movies. Well, there is no such thing as roughing it anymore. Yeah, I suppose so. When it comes to any angling. I did see some people in, like, those, you know, tent-type thing set-ups.

Oh, yeah. So a pop-ups. They call it a portable or a pop-up. Those can be really nice, though. I actually, I really like those because you can get it nice and toasty in there, and you get a big enough pop-up. It's like a little home. That's awesome.

My experience. With all the electronics, excuse me, as the disease creeps into my lungs, with all the electronics. for fishing in a boat and the way boats are made now, they're so comfortable in the ice fishing shacks. There really is, there's very few people who, as you might say, rough it. When I'm out on Lake Minnetonka, every once in a while I'll see some bitch

go putting by with a 10 horse on the back of a 16-foot lund with bench seats, right? Yeah. And I'll just think, man, that dude's, I don't know, there's something about that old-school vibe, are just putting across the lake with a 15 horse. There's something about that vibe where I look at that guy and go, that's the life right there. At least that's the life I remember as a kid.

That guy's not carrying any stress around with him. No, he's good. He's good to go. Well, I remember the first time I was on a pontoon that was luxurious. I mean, like the pontoons I'd been on before was just like that fake golf putting, you know, green on there. It's just completely flat with lawn chairs. I had no idea how fancy they got.

Didn't even have bench seats or anything? It was just lawn chairs. No, it's one of the guys like, oh, this is Italian leather or something crazy, super cool lights, crazy. Yeah. All the electronics and everything. Sound system. I've always wanted one of those. I can't even imagine what something like that would cost.

Oh, God, I don't want to. It's got to be incredible. I could only justify that if I lived on a lake, and that's going to be expensive, too. And I would want to go out every single day. You can make it? Yesterday they played that Super Bowl. Sure did. That was entertaining.

That was a thrilling football matchup. It was better at the end, at least. We'll get to that later with Brad Ryder and Randy Shaver, unless there's anything pressing you want to talk about connected to yesterday's Super Bowl ball game. Nothing really. I mean, there was a streaker, apparently. I didn't see that. It's not a streaker, as you know.

Well, yeah, you're right. That's what they keep calling it as a half-naked guy. We're going to voice our frustrations over that later. It's not a streaker. You know, for a while. You guys didn't enjoy the ball game. I mean, I wouldn't say I didn't enjoy it. It was just a little more boring that I thought it was going to be.

Stefan Diggs, I forgot was on the team. That was kind of nice. Same here. I totally forgot. He played for the Patriots. I didn't think he was still playing the game until five, six weeks ago. I thought he was cut or retired or something. Yeah, he was not a factor at all, which I'm sure, you know, he's such an even keel,

humble guy. I'm sure didn't bother him at all. He got one catch in the fourth quarter and they're down by 20. and he celebrated like it was the biggest deal in the world. Like, bro, you're getting clowned in the Super Bowl. Chill out. The Super Bowl, they call it. Yeah, I didn't pay terribly close attention.

I mean, I had it kind of on in the background. But again, I enjoy bad football. I enjoy, I enjoyed what I saw for the New England Patriots. They couldn't do dick. You really couldn't. I wanted them to get shut out. These days, no one's satisfied unless it's like a 48 to 45 final, and you get the doors blown off the joint.

I still embrace, you know, bad football. So special teams was a big part, especially in the first half. So I love special teams. I was a happy guy. I was going to ask you, Josh, what was your favorite Super Bowl commercial? Because you usually pay attention somewhat, right? You know what? There wasn't really too many.

I didn't understand a lot. I don't know if I'm just getting too old. But I'd ask my wife, like, I don't get it. I don't understand. I did get a little choked up in that potato commercial. I did too. Yeah. My wife and I looked at each other and I go,

we weren't expecting to get teared up during a potato chip commercial, but here we are. Yeah. The potato farm or the dad, he hands the keys to his daughter. And all the memories, the flashbacks of them growing up, yeah. Yeah, that one is memorable to me. The Brad Pitt movie trailer, I didn't get the reference. I had to look it up afterwards.

It's a sequel to. What's that something? Once upon a time in Hollywood. Yeah. I like the Jurassic Park commercial just because I love that movie so much and they brought the original characters back, but I have no idea what the ad was for, so I don't know if that advertising necessarily worked or not.

Oh, there was a cool Pokemon commercial. Remember that one? I missed it. There was also, I liked the liquid, I think it's liquid iv. It's like the powder that, like hydrates you like crazy. Yeah, I've been drinking a lot of that trying to get better. Nice. I'd like to drink something.

I, proud of you. I got a nice 12-ounce cup for you right there. Here it goes. I liked that commercial, though, because, I mean, it's exactly how it goes. They're like, hey, you know, check the toilet. If your pee is yellow, you should probably have some liquid IV. Oh, I know a commercial. Well, not even really a commercial.

I thought that tight end commercial about prostate's was pretty good. I didn't get it at first until the very end where they were talking about, I don't know if you saw this, Nick, where they had it. I didn't see any of the commercials. They had a bunch of tight ends, like from name of generation. Ozzie Newsom. Maybe. And I wouldn't recognize him, but perhaps.

They had, and they were talking about, you know, how relaxed all these tight ends are. You know, and they're just kind of luxurious spa day for all these tight ends. And then at the very end, it's talking about, hey, you know what? There's a new test for prostate cancer, this blood test. Well, it's not new. I've had it. This blood test so you can relax. And then they show like butts relax.

relax your tight end because you can just go get this test. Don't be afraid to do it. Tight end. Yeah. That one was pretty fun. A lot of butts yesterday. I mean, the Levi's ad where they were showing nothing but butts. A lot of butts in that one.

I picked out a couple I thought would be your favorites, Nick. Oh. That's so nice of you. I missed the ad for Levi Blue Jeans as well. A listener is texted in to say that they won $500 on the halftime score. Oh, sweet. That's awesome. I'll always walk with Elias Jesus.

Had some kind of number board going yesterday. One $500 on the halftime score. Can you still bet on the color of the Gatorade? I'm guessing you can. Oh, yeah. All those prop bets, you can. Yeah. I thought it was kind of fun, obviously, watching the Super Bowl.

And they showed them mixing up the Gatorade. And I thought, oh, well, there you go. Now the people know the color, because I thought usually they have to wait until it actually gets thrown on the coach to know. But I thought, oh, they. They kind of let the cat out of the bag on that one. Ah, you can sure bet on the color of the Gatorade. Looks like I missed a couple.

H-back delivery Jesus said, what about the Chris Hemsworth commercial? I didn't see that. Some people are saying they were singing pubes. Somehow I missed that one, too. I think I would have remembered singing pubes. Oh, I definitely would remember that. I'm assuming the spokesman Jesus said it was a manscape commercial, perhaps. Oh, that makes sense.

Yeah, I didn't see that one. I'll be damned. The Seattle Seeducks turned up the winner. So. Good job, Sam. Yeah, glad he got. Oh, right, right. It's pretty neat.

I can't think of the last name. Darnel. Darnel. He was. That's why I said Sam. It, like, took me a second. Oh, you forgot to? He was unbelievable. Sam Darnel. You know, so yeah, I'm sure Randy Schaver and Brad Rider

will want to get into that again a little bit later on this morning. Speaking of all the sickness that's sweeping through town are Dork, Dr. Pal, Dr. James Parnell, will be swinging by later to try to straighten things out. You should probably give him a spit sample or something like that. Have him bring that back to the lab. Maybe he can diagnose what's going on. Or did the doctor even tell you?

Like bronchitis? Well, I guess is it that Scandinavian elk flu or whatever you called? Scandinavian elk fever. You sent a text message last night. You'd think it came from Estonia, perhaps. Yeah. No, no, that was the original report. The original report is that it originated in Estonia, which I hadn't heard of in years. But then we got another email last night where they narrowed it down to the general Scandinavian area.

I've never been more confused. I was like, why does he know what Estonia is? You want to know how I know where Estonia or what Estonia is? Yeah. Good question. I'll tell you why. I'll tell you how. I mentioned that over the weekend, I watched more, well, since last Wednesday, I watched more television than I have in the last 10 years. And a movie popped up on my television called Encino Man. I was going to say, it has to be Encino Man. You don't need to finish my sentences for me, Dana. I'm sorry, I blew up at you.

Well, no, when you said to Stoney in that text message, I'm like, did he watch Encino Man recently? Encino Man was listed on my television. I did not watch it. But it reminded me of when I did watch it in 1991, and I believe they found a caveman from Estonia. Right? So they found a caveman, and then they kind of spun it that he was a transfer student, a foreign exchange student from Estonia. There you go. Yeah.

Did he have like a Russian accent or anything? It was Brendan Fraser. Oh, yeah? Yeah, you know, he just was a caveman. Couldn't really talk much. I watched every World War II movie, you can. imagine that I hadn't already seen. So, you know, saving Private Ryan.

What am I missing? You know, the big World War II movies, Valkyry. You said you watched ones you hadn't seen? I watched every World War II movie that I hadn't already seen. So eliminate Private Ryan, Inglorious Bastards, Valkyrie, the Great Escape. I tried to, I have a thing about World War II, and I just was too lazy to sit there all night go, oh, maybe I'll try the... I found a theme and I stuck to it.

I know everything there is to know. Now, at this point, everything. I saw ones where we were having problems with the Germans. I watched ones we were having problems with the Japanese. I watch ones that combined the two. World War II. I am now an expert. Which ones did you watch? Oh, I have no memory of it.

Oh, yeah. Not a movie expert, just the topics that they covered in the movies. Yes, I wish I could tell you the names of... I didn't pay terrible close attention. to the names. I just saw. If it was a World War II movie, I hit play. I know you saw Furry, so it wasn't Furry. I've seen Furry years ago. Let me try to think of one that I, I wish I could come up with the names, Josh. I didn't. But I love that stuff, and so that's kind of what I focused on.

I'm going to look up some World War II movies that I'm going to guess you haven't seen before this weekend. Maybe it'll bring back my, that I watch, here's listeners texting that I watch Saints and Soldiers. No. I'm assuming you've seen Band of Brothers. He didn't... Never saw it. Oh, my gosh. You should watch that for sure.

I've seen a handful of episodes, but you know, I don't like series. So trust me, when I was looking on the television, of course, it told me that Band of Brothers is the... And I've heard that for years, that that's the ultimate World War. But it's 1,800 episodes long, you know, whatever, 24 seasons. I can't do that. It's got to be over with in a couple hours, so no. Did you watch Merrill Streep and So, No.

Did you watch Merrill Streep and Sophie's Choice? No, no, I remember that one from the early 80s. Watch that one. Did you watch Sean Penn and Jim Cavizio and the Thin Red Line? I can't stand that movie. I've seen it before. So boring. Casablanco.

No. Ivan's childhood. No, I wish I could help you out. Letters from Iwo Jima. I believe I've seen that before. Empire the Sun? Sounds familiar, but no. Bishop?

Das Boot? Saw that one listed, didn't go with it. Enemy at the gates with Jude Law. I saw, I think I've watched that one before. Yes, I've seen enemy near the gates. What about the Pacific? I tried to watch that Tom Hanks where he's a battleship captain called the Greyhounds. They wouldn't let me watch that unless I gave him five, six bucks in trade.

So I skipped that. I didn't want to give him any money. Can't think of one title. I'm like that too. The notebook. The notebook? Is that a World War II movie? Technically.

Is that the same notebook? Is this the same notebook? On this list it's on there? Yeah. He goes off to war. People that are texting in. The tank? No, no. Hacksaw Ridge.

Oh, yeah, I've seen that one. Like I said, I tried ones that I haven't already. Great Escape. Yeah, saw that when I was a kid. Couldn't mix it up. I couldn't bring myself to mix it up. I just stuck with a theme. Oh, God.

Pearl Harbor? Yes, I saw that years ago. Oh, my goodness. All right, we better get going for real. Thanks, everyone, for putting up with, you know, we missed a couple days last week. We didn't want to, but we were fairly cooked. We're back now.

We're trying our best to get it done. Like I said earlier, 730, Randy Schaber and Bradrider will swing by. Oh, you want to play a game? I like games. Quick little game. And don't spread this to Randy Schaeber. We're going to talk about the Super Bowl, of course, when Randy comes on. And we'll talk about that idiot that ran on the ball field, right?

That idiot fan was apprehended by a player. Was he not? That's what I read. Yeah, he was tackled by a player or grabbed by a player. Right. The television cameras didn't show it, as you guys know. But I read that the fan who ran on the field was apprehended by a player. So here's the game.

If Randy Shaver doesn't say Mike Curtis during that conversation, I will give each of you, Dana, Ashley, and Josh, I'll give each of you a dollar. All right. Yeah. And how about when he says it, we go nuts for no reason. Just like Pee Wee Herman used to do on Pee We's play. Sure, the word of the day. So that's our word of the day today is Randy Schaeber saying Mike Curtis out loud.

When he says it, we go nuts. And he'll be very proud of himself when he says it too. Like, oh yeah, Mike Curtis. Yeah. And if he doesn't, again, all three of you get a dollar. We got ourselves a deal. I like that. It's only an hour and a half away from that magical moment.

So we'll take a break. We'll come back with the stupid news report. Oh, God. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too.

An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees.

maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C-I, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. Most economists agree. Small amount of inflation is actually. actually good. 2% is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out? Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping

that happens every month until all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant. The bill is $60 for two. Two guys walk into a restaurant. They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60. Ah! Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Go. Yeah, sure. We've been at it for decades. Decades with the stupid news. You know, tomorrow's 27 years of the half-assed morning show. Wow. 27 years. Oh, unbelievable.

You're getting old. No question about it. Again, how do you always remember this? Oh, it's easy. It's my son's birthday. And he was born on the day the show started. so it's easy to remember for me. I'll never forget either for that reason. Your son is 27?

27 tomorrow. Oh, oh, oh. I was thinking youngest son. My oldest. Okay, that makes much more sense. If my youngest is 27, I've been in a coma for a very long time. Why didn't you guys wake me? And why does he still play middle school basketball?

He's the tallest kid on the team. He must be awesome out there. Oh, man. Yeah. He's a 27-year-old playing against 1314. He's incredible. He's swatting balls left and right. He's awesome.

Tomorrow will be the 27th anniversary of this year radio program. F-me running sideways. Over the years, we've heard of thefts at the neighborhood dildo shop plenty of times. Plenty of times. Thefts at the neighborhood dildo shop. This one is different. never before have I heard about a

robbery at the dildo shop that came off so intense normally in dildo shop robberies sorry and my damn cough button's too far away from me normally in deal

okay forget it You can't set up a dildo shop story and not finish it. Normally in dildo shop robberies. A drunk or some other type of derelict wanders into the joint, right? Piss in their pants, sometimes not even their own. The derelict sloppily grabs a couple of double-enders or a butt plug or, and then they run like hell. Simple as that. To my memory, very rarely is a weapon used by the dildo shop, derelict.

But here comes this couple in their 40s from Godforsaken New Mexico. And they added a layer of violence and rootlessness to a dildo robbery that I have never heard before. They acted as if they had just snatched millions of dollars from a bank or something like that. So here's what happened. Bad guy walks smooth into the dildo shop. He pockets some lube and a couple of Janine Linda Mulder porno movies. Immediately, the bad guy beats the piss out of a dude working at the dildo shop. I mean just, bah, bah, beats the living hell out of this guy working at the...

And then the bad guy yanks out a gun and points it at the worker man's face. And the worker dude's probably thinking, dude, it's Lube and Janine Linda Mulder. We're damn near giving that stuff away these days. Just take it. Leave me alone. And bad guy might have killed the poor bastard, dildo shop worker dude. But a random guy in the store shopping for a butthole toy or something, he fist fought the bad guy. And that caused the bad guy to run out of the store.

That's pretty heroic right there. Dude's got a frigging pistol. And the other guy scraps with him. So far, this is already 10 times more intense than any dildo shop robbery I've ever heard of. Bad guy hops into a getaway car that his girlfriend is driving. And by God, she friggin backed the car into a different dildo shop worker that was chasing them. She damn near ran over the worker with the getaway car. Again, these two acting like they had stolen ten.

million dollars, Josh, and the codes to the missile launch or something like that. It's a dildo shop. When you're horny, people know this. Sometimes you make bad decisions. Decisions if you weren't horny, you'd never make. That's true. These guys really wanted to go at it. They did.

With some accessories. They were acted like they had the missile launch codes. So they take off. The police get on their asses, but they wouldn't pull over. next thing you know it cuts loose into a dangerous high-speed car chase dangerous high-speed car chase the two

the couple I mean they were ready to die for this they're holding hands like Thelma and Louise they weren't stopping for dick that's the next level of horniness no doubt ready to die for a jar of anal ease and two Janine Linda Mold.

I used to have a couple of Janine Linda Molder Pordo movies back in the 90s cubby. Those are classics. You want to hear the titles? Sure. Thunderbox? Thunderbox? Yes.

That sounds so hot. I'm going to look that one up this afternoon. And Janine's got male, but it spelled M-A-L-L-E. Yeah. Is she the one associated with former headbanger's ball host? Ricky Rachman. Oh, that does not ring a bell.

Who was? There was like a porn star he fought over. You're thinking of, oh, wait a minute. Okay, you could be right. I don't know if she ever tangled with Ricky Rachman. What I thought you were referencing was there was a absolute, and Janine Lindemolder, stunning, beyond hot, sexy, I mean, made in a lab for Pete's sake. I thought for a second there, I was confused, there was another.

stunning blonde in the world of porno movies in the 90s, who unfortunately died very, very young. By the name of Savannah. At one point or another, Josh, Savannah was dating two, this is the stories that I heard. She was dating two famous guys at once. One of them,

Mr. Big Bass player, Billy Sheehan. Really? That's right. Sweet. You know, the other guy she was supposedly dating at the time? Who'd at? Polly Shore. What?

What a fun time. What a great experience for her. Who was in the movie Encino Man, which was referenced earlier today. It's all coming together. It's all coming together. It's all full circle. One big loop. It looks like Ricky Rackman dated Janine.

That bothers me. There's some sort of fight. He got a fight with like a radio host over her. I can't remember what started. It's Pablo. Pablo? He's not even that old. He don't think he was a polo.

And he can't fight. I'll tell you that, too. He can't fight. I got in a fight with Pablo once. When he swung at me, I heard him go, it was so embarrassing, yeah. I heard him go, as he swung at me. Don't ever be afraid of Pablo.

So eventually the cops caught up with this unbelievable couple from New Mexico who were willing to kill or die for a pocket full of lube in a couple of porno movies. The cops got them with that pit maneuver, and they're all done. Yeah, it must have been a last second. We've got to have each other now. I mean, you can order that online without the violence.

Relatively easy. Yeah, if you got an Amazon account, Amazon Prime. Probably like a couple hours sometimes. Plan ahead. There was one time, I think, the most desperate I've seen some people. I was walking to a sandwich shop in my neighborhood, Lake and Lindahl, when I lived there at the time. And next to it was a sex shop. It was called the Smitten Kitten.

and I'm sorry, the name again was what? The smitten kitten. Oh, it's cute. Yep. A taxi cab pulls up, old school taxi cab, and a guy gets out of the taxi cab in a hotel robe and slippers. And I'm like, whoa, what's going on here? And he burst right into the smitten kitten.

And as I'm walking by, I look into the car and there's a female and they're also wearing the hotel robe. So they took a cab in their hotel robes to go get some sex toys and then jump back in the cab and go back. Good for them. And it was on like a Tuesday at like noon, lunchtime. Like I said, it was going to a sandwich joint. Cheating.

Yeah. We only had so much time. We don't have time to put clothes on. It was one of those things where I almost want to stop and just. Slow clap. Slow clap them for that because that's a hell of an effort right there. I would have waited and see what he came out of that place with. What do you get?

Yeah. What exactly was so necessary that you're like, all right, honey, throw on the robes. We've got to go get a taxi. We've got to go get this product right now. A listener has texted in with his favorite dildo shop joke. This is Crocs with Sox Jesus. Lady walks into a dildo shop and says, where's all the dildos? And the clerk says, well, they're on the wall right there, lady.

And she says, what's with the attitude? And he says, sorry, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. But that has nothing to do with the joke. She walks in and says, where are all the dildos? He says, on the wall over there. And she says, oh, I'll take the big red one. He says, no, no, no, that's the fire extinguisher. All right.

Pauly Shore, Billy Sheehan, Ricky Rackman, Savannah, Janane, Linda Mulder. It's 1992 all over again, Josh. I know. It feels that way, doesn't it? All right. I can tell you, I can tell you this much. This year is for any of you folks.

I can't really relate to this, but this is for any of you folks who, for some reason, might have gone out to the grocery recently and bought yourself a jar of honey. What is it? 1763. I love honey. What the hell are people doing with jars of honey in 20 and 26?

What am I going to hitch up the horses and go into town to trade that jar of honey for some medicine? So my wife doesn't die of leprosy. People still go to the store and buy jars of honey? Yeah. Yeah? I do. Made some sesame chicken recently.

Called for some honey. I probably eat honey like everything. every day. I love honey. It goes on everything. What? You don't like honey? Don't look at me like that. That sounded like an ad with a testimonial. Did it not, Josh? She does seem like she's a, yeah, she's pushing it. Don't push honey on us. I like to get the little bear, though. I don't get a, I mean, I have gotten jars, but I do like to get the little, the little. I remember the little bear. Yeah, that's classic. Yeah, the squeeze bottle? Yeah. Reminds me. of Winnie the Pooh, obviously. Anyways, a certain brand of honey just got recalled by the food and drug police.

Because they found something or another in that honey. They found an ingredient meant for treating soft peter. Or as we know it today by the name of erectile dysfunction. I'll have honey nut churials in that order, please. So they looked inside the honey and found some type of a drug in there meant to treat erectile dysfunction. The honey is made by a company in Virginia called a carco or something silly like that. Those folks at acarco, they claim it's specially formulated honey that gives you more energies. I guess the kind of energy that might give a player a marble hard rod out of nowhere.

The boys at work don't need to see that, do they, Josh? No. Yeah, you know, you kind of have some questions about what's going on in the set. What do you put honey like, oh, you know what, I guess I had some just last week or whatever for sore throat or whatever. But it's been a while for me. But what else do you put honey on in a normal day? Ashley. You said you have it every day. Toast. So, yeah, toast with peanut butter, bananas, and honey.

Amazing. T, coffee. And then you have to go down to the sawmill and tell Paw that Albert is dying of plague. You ever had graham crackers with honey? Really good. No, again, it's not 1700. Dude, I just, I'm surprised. I thought honey was a regular thing that people ate. I don't know. I haven't heard of a jar of honey since the last time. I watched Gunsmoke.

I use it in a lot of sauces that I make, too. Honey mustard cream sauce. Oh, so good. I'll put you guys on. I'll put you guys on the honey, yeah. Can you imagine being like Ashley, let's say you're a dude, right? You eat this honey. You don't know that it's got some kind of boner boost in there.

You know, you look down, boy, I'm pretty excited to go to work today. The FDA says the drug in there goes by the name of Tadalafil. And apparently, Tadalafil is one of the ingredients in Cialis, the famous bonon pill. In case you're curious, the side effects of Tadalafil, dizziness. Whoa, Josh, you're going to be okay? Yeah, I'd worry about that. You just, you kind of, I looked over there. Yeah, like, oh, are you messing with me?

I, yeah, I know. Like I said, I'm only about 85%. One of the side effects is dizziness. I looked over. Headaches. Yep, I've been having headaches last two weeks. Your blood pressure goes through the roof. You know what I think it is?

This constant erection I've had for whatever is. NRBs are another side effect of this to Dadawell, NRBs. So anyway, all these jars of honey. are being recalled and, you know, there's enough hard ons out there these days as it is. So put a lid on that. Yeah, I'd be pretty freaked out if I'm just constantly getting erections and I have no idea what's going on. I would never think that it's my honey, you know, peanut butter honey toast that I'm consuming in the morning. Certainly not.

How did Mary go blind? Can you answer that for us since you're living out on the prairie? It was the honey. It was terrible. Was it not a fire? Little House on the Prairie fans. Scarlet fever. How do you know that so quickly? Google.

Oh, my God. You're quick with that. Scarlet fever is what caused Mary to lose her sight. And then she married, what was his name? Big tall, some bitch. Kind of looked like Robbie Benson. Laura's husband was Alonzo, otherwise known as Manly. Mary married a blind dude and his name was

68683 What's our number? 651, 989, 93, 93. Well, do you want me to tell you? I got it in front of me. Let's go to a listener. First one to answer Mary from Little House in the Prairie, her husband's name on the show.

Remember what he did? I remember what he did. He was a teacher. Correct. Were they both teachers? Yeah, and wasn't he blind as well? Yeah. Yeah, he couldn't see a damn thing.

651, 989, 933.93. What the hell was his name? He's like 6-6. Terrible actor. It's awful. What was his character name? I think our text machine might have locked up because normally people... There it is.

Adam? Adam. Yep. Thank you. Your name is... You pick him up, you dropped him, Jesus. Yeah, you got it. Bloomington Health Inspector, Jesus.

He got it too. You got it first. Or, uh, what's his name? You said it a minute ago. You picked him up, you dropped him. Yeah, he got it first. Adam Kendall. God, dang.

Watch that after school every day. Me too. For many, many, many, many years. Loved that show. Actually, a few years ago, we tried to get my youngest into it. Oh, that's go. You know, he thought it was all right. Okay.

He didn't completely just crap all over it. He didn't feel the same way I did growing up. Sure. Melissa Gilbert, one of the prettiest people that have ever lived. Yeah, half pint. It's great. Here's a strange act of defiance, at least, that's the only thing I could come up with to describe this here next route we're going to take.

Strange act of defiance. Obviously a deeply troubled individual. A former employee of a Little Caesar's Pizza Pizzeria, a former employee of a Little Caesar's Pizzeria joint in North Carolina, He broke into the place the other night and started making and selling pizza pies. This year is a 41-year-old man by the name of John. I guess there was something about losing his gig over there at Little Caesars that didn't sit well with John. Poor, dumb bastard that he is.

So he broke into the joint after they had closed up for the night. John just said, F it, and he opened the place back up, and he started selling pies, making them, answering the telephone, selling them. And he pocketed all the monies, and he was doing very well. He's really raking it in. No word here on how many pies he sold or what he was charging, folks. But then John got caught when he tried to pull this bit a second time. Nobody knew, I guess the first time he broke into the joint, after hours, selling pizzas all over town. No one found out.

But he showed up a second time a little too early. Current employees recognized John and told them to get the F out. I wish I would have seen this. A big former pizza man, that would be John, and a current pizza man. They fist fought in the middle of the shot. And John lost badly. He got tuned up good. So the cops showed up, took John away.

And I didn't get a chance to look at his mug shot, but I hear he looks like a broken man in his mug shot. Oh, yeah. You would not buy food from this guy. He walked in there and saw him. He'd just turn around and go next door to Popeyes or something. This guy looked, he got his butt kicked. For sure.

I guess the eye, the eye swelled up. That's freaking funny right there. So John is in Dutch with local law enforcement. He looks like he's been through it. Yeah, he has. Oh, wow. Maybe he loved his job. Something about that gig.

Passionate about it. You love to see it. Younger days, high school pal of mine got arrested. at a famous bar restaurant in my hometown. He was washing dishes there for, you know, whatever, $2 an hour. He was a derelict. So his shift was over at whatever, 10 p.m. And instead of leaving, but he did say goodbye, goodbye, everybody.

Okay, see you later, Donnie. Instead of leaving, Donnie went and hid in a closet or something, waited for the bar to close at 1 a.m. And then here he is a 16-year-old kid with a whole bar restaurant to himself. And so he's drinking up the hooch, drinking up the beer. His mistake was that he decided to grill himself up a bacon cheeseburger.

I understand. Three o'clock in the morning on a Wednesday or whatever, the local police who have nothing better to do, in those days they didn't. They had nothing better to do. They see the smoke pumping out of the bar restaurant. They smell the burger. You would have to.

There's my loser high school buddy in there with a bottle of JD in one hand and a spatula in the other making himself something to eat. That's pretty ballsy for 16 to do that. Yeah, and that honestly, that's like so much fun. You know, normally I'd call it ballsy, Dana, but knowing the guy, it's more absolutely and completely out of his mind. But you're right. You can't really call this breaking in, but a buddy of mine was a manager at a sandwich shop. And like when it was closed, he'd go in there and get food constantly. Oh, he'd just go make himself a sandwich?

A few times, well, for everybody. Oh, nice. Yeah, he'd go pick stuff up and bring it out, you know. That's so wonderful sometimes when your buddies have jobs back in the day that you can bank off their perks, you know? Yeah, I really liked when my high school boyfriend had some cool jobs that I got. perks out of. Like when he, he worked at Wendy's, that was sweet. Yeah, my high school girlfriend worked at Red Lobster for a stretch, and I'd be playing poker all night with the boys, and then she'd come bring me Cheddar Bay biscuits.

I didn't realize how good I had at age 17. Yeah, me and my ex worked at Red Lobster at the same time. He ate a lot of crab legs. It was pretty sweet. Never had those Cheddar Bay biscuits. Everyone talks about those. They're so good. All right, I'm about ready to blow everybody's mind if this is friggin' true. Earlier we were talking about Little House in the Prairie. We got to talking about Mary, the character,

and her husband, whose character name was Adam. Is this true? Someone texted in and said, you may not realize Adam from Little House on the Prairie, the actor, created Malcolm in the middle? If it's Lynnwood Boomer, which I thought was the name of the actor, Is it the same dude? I have no idea what his actor.

I mean, that's a pretty unique name. I don't have any memory of what Adam's real name was. Linwood Boomer, you're right. It's got to be the same guy. I mean, I'd be awfully odd if there was two guys with that name. Not too many Linwood's out there, I don't think. Well, Jesus, balls. Yeah, same guy.

That's the most fascinating fact I have heard all day. Great show. He couldn't act. So obviously he had other talents in the mix Created Malcolm in the middle Wow Some of his other acting credits Hawaii 5-0, the love boat

Fantasy Island Okay first off Everybody Everybody Who was part of the actors guild In the late 70s and early 80s Made at least one appearance on the love boat In Fantasy Island

So it wasn't like they were sought after I understand I think you were obligated Right, Josh, you were obligated. If you lived in Hollywood and were a working actor or actress, you had to appear on the loveboat or fantasy island. It does seem like it was written into every contract. Watch those all the time, too. If you could not get on either of those programs, you were a dog actor.

That was the litmus test. If you can't get on a Fantasy Island or Love Boat, then just move back home to Ohio. Usually if Charo was sick, then your telephone line would ring. She was something. She was everywhere for a while. Yeah, Charo. Here's a question from a listener about my high school buddy who cooked himself up a burger and was drinking hooch after hours.

And the restaurant he was working at is he the one who's in the insane asylum now, yes. Oh. He had a promising start. He took a turn. We were pretty tight. That is effing. going to throw me all day long. Adam from Little, I'm calling all my buddies tonight.

Adam from Little House in the Prairie created Malcolm in the stinking metal. All right, let's move on here. Frozen iguanas, right? We've been talking about the frozen iguana problems that come around this time of year in the godless gator state. It gets cold outside. The iguanas are up in the trees, don't you know? They freeze up.

They're so damn cold. They can't hang on. to the tree anymore. They fall out of the tree. They crack your windshield for you. The half-dead frozen iguanas, they hit you over the head or in the nuts as they're falling from the sky. Some local whack bag down there is running around picking up frozen iguanas off the sidewalks,

and then he cuts their little carcasses up, and he puts them on pizza. It's gross. He's making iguana-pun-pun-tang pizza. Frozen iguana pun-pun-tang pizza. Oh. That was the talk of the town over the weekend. I heard a lot of people talking about the iguanas and the iguana pizza. I, for a short time, hosted a couple of, as a patriot, a couple of all-American iguanas because my cousin was deployed and he had iguanas, so I watched him until he got back.

What did you make of that experience? I'm not, it was kind of a pain in the ass, to be honest with you, caring for these things. You served your country and a roundabout way. That's how I look at it. And it was, I mean, they were just kind of gross more than anything. I can't imagine eating them. I always thought they were just stupid. So this guy is, he's been talking other losers down there in Dubaiing iguana punta pines from him.

He's given his frozen iguana pies a very predictable name. He calls him Florida man pizza. Apparently, they're currently on sale at a pizzeria down there. I'm not sure what they want in trade for this garbage. Too much. People are saying that they're not bad. Purple Belt Jesus tastes like chicken. Seems like a lot of meats do.

One of our listeners says that iguana tails are like Indiana Jones whip. Oh, yeah. I was warned about that. I've heard that's very, very ouchy, getting hit by something like that. I'll eat a lot of things on a pizza pie or on a sandwich or, you know, I'm not a picky eater. But lizards and such, I think I'd have to think twice. Yeah, I can't do it. You give me enough beer.

Yeah, I'll probably. But lizards, I don't think so. Did I just say the F word? Yeah, you did. Nobody bats a thousand. I've been trying to stay away from it every day for the last, you know. I didn't want to kick you when you were down, but you didn't. Yeah.

Well, it was a proper name. So I think there should be an asterisk next. What did I say? Florida man pizza. Oh, yeah, I had to. That's a proper name. Yeah, give me a friggin' break. I hate you guys.

Sports. On the 93-X half-assed morning show. It's unbelievable. Everything that's happened in my career, but to do it with this team, I wouldn't want it any other way. All my teammates, all my coaches I've ever had. Always believing in me. I've always believed in myself because of my family and my friends.

So it's as simple as that. As long as you believe in yourself, Anything's possible. Anything's possible. That is last night Super Bowl winning quarterback. Sam Darnold. He and the Seattle Seeducks

beat the New England Patriots by a final score of 29 to 13. Kind of a gong show. I mean, I liked it. I like ugly, boring one-sided football games. I do. You got it.

A lot of special teams, a lot of defense. That's what I'm into. But most folks are looking at this. as a massive turd. I mean, there was never really a doubt beyond the first quarter what was going to happen. Yeah. A lot of folks don't like that. A lot of folks don't like that.

Sam Darnold, they gave him the double MVP. That's never been awarded to a player before. Usually after the Super Bowl, a player is just awarded an MVP. But Sam Darnold was so good, he was named the double MVP. Good for him. Actually, that prize went to Kenny Walker, Part 3. Running back, Josh.

Talented guy. He played for the Rams. He played for the Argonauts. He was very good with the Argonauts. Kenny Walker, Part 3, MVP of the Super Bowl. We'll get into it all with Randy Schaeber and Brad Ryder here in about a half hour. Everybody loved the halftime show. We'll get into that.

Some guy jumped onto the ball field running around like a jagoff. Hey, Josh. A guy that you went to school with, Larry Fitzgerald Jr. was elected to the pro football Hall of Fame. Yeah, it was awesome. I saw Randy Moss and he getting together and bro-hugging or high-fiving each other virtually. Oh, my God. Virtually? It sounded like it was virtual. No, they were hanging on a boat. On a boat together is what I said. Yeah. High-fiving each other on the deck of a boat. In person, contact. Starbird side. Minnesota football players on a boat. What could go wrong?

Yesterday was one of the most miserable Timberwolves performances I've ever seen in my miserable Timberwolves loving life. Saw a few headlines calling it embarrassing. It was embarrassing. Humbling even. Worse than that. Terrible. And they got to play again tonight.

The Atlanta Hawks are in town. Again, half hour away from rapping with Shaver and writer. Josh has some more news coming for you here in just a couple of minutes. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, Pimps? to hear to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience

in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's BIA-L-E-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. Most economists agree small amount of inflation is actually good. Two percent is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out? Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping that happens every month to all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant. The bill is $60 for two. Two guys walk into a restaurant. They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60.

Stacking Benjamin's follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93x. Got some not so good news for you today. And so I'd been sick a couple of weeks ago and then went to the hospital and got a guy checked out and had actually got the diagnosis that I had a clear serenarinal carcinoma that had pesticides into my lungs. And that's stage four and that's not real good. But you know what? We serve a mighty God and he can over, he can overcome anything. So I have no fear. I really sincerely am not scared of it at all.

Well, some sad news over the weekend as Brad Arnold, the founder and lead singer of three doors down, has died. The singer announced in May he had stage four kidney cancer. Months later, the band shared on social media. He died peacefully in his sleep Saturday with his wife, Jennifer, and family. family by his side. Arnold was the founding member, singer, and original drummer for Three Doors Down, known for hits like Here Without You, It's Not My Time in Kryptonite, which Arnold wrote in math class at only 15 years old. Wow. And he was only 47 years old at his time. Well, damn, I had no idea. Yeah, too bad. What a talented man.

15, he wrote like one of their biggest hits. That's crazy. Must have done so well in math. He wasn't paying attention in math, but he was getting a career going there in music. Worth it. Worth that C or whatever? You were a writer when you were 15. I didn't go on to write hit songs like he did. That's because you weren't given the opportunity. You were a writer.

You wrote a book report on, don't tell me, the kid who died in the plane crash. Randy Rhodes? You wrote a story of the life of Randy Rhodes. I was the only one in class interested in that, by the. way. I was so passionate about Randy Rhodes. You went to the wrong high school. That didn't get you any babes, Josh? No. I bet it was great. None of your other Holy Angels bros supported your story of the life of Randy Rhodes. Nope, nope, I was alone on that one. What the hell were they listening to? I don't know. What were they listening to,

Aisa Base or something? I'm not sure. An Illinois daycare worker is accused of giving children something that definitely wasn't on the menu last week. Chewable laxatives. I have no words. It's just thinking that your kid is going to be safe in the daycare and you come and find surprises like this. It's sad. It's devastating, you know. Tuesday brought a barrage of blowouts from baby butts. And with the turds came an investigation which led to the termination of a 23-year-old employee. Police said just before 9.45 a.m. Tuesday officers were notified by multiple parents at the daycare that their children have been given chewable laxatives. Investigators later confirmed the woman had given laxatives to at least

three children under two telling them it was candy. My child is still suffering from constipation, which the doctor said it was going to be a side effect of the laxatives, of coming off of laxatives. The parents of one child said they'd been trying for many weeks to figure out why their kid was always sick. She said the toddler was sent home from daycare for diarrhea at least three times over the past two months. Even the doctor visits in switching the child's formula caused nothing to work. We thought it could have been a virus and that was negative, but he was not diagnosed with any stomach bug or anything either. They probably, you know, paid for like the super sensitive formula too, like the really expensive stuff. They tried everything. So this was done intentionally?

Yeah. She just didn't want to watch the kids. She wanted to send them home sick. Or they just really wanted to watch diarrhea? No, they didn't want to watch, or she didn't want to watch the kids. On Monday, the mother said she learned the unimaginable. We found out from the director that she had fired her employee because she allegedly was giving them these lexatives and saying that it was candy so that they could get sent home because she was overwhelmed. It's disgusting. Get another job then. The child's father said the daycare's policy requires a sick child to be sent home and remained there for 24 hours, so she knew she had at least 24 hours without someone. Oh, I'd kill somebody. The now former daycare teacher who studied early childhood education at Northern Illinois University later turned herself into police.

Wow, that is simply the wrong thing to do. Yeah, I agree with that mom. Just get a different gig. Find something else to do. Yeah, you don't have to watch kids or Olivia. That's fine. And for our number two poop story of the day, police in Washington deployed a drone last week to catch what they described an official language as a serial defecator,

bringing to justice a perpetual park pooper whose doo-do was deliberate. Officers set up trail cameras, tracked the troubling trend, and determined there was a pattern. Did somebody make a doo-du pie? They made a doo-du pie over and over again. At least have the common courtesy to do it in your backpack

if you've got to go. Specifically, a 46-year-old woman was visiting the park in the early morning hours with a mission to make a mess. It's always women. Lately, it does seem like that. Yeah, we had a couple stories last week with surprising, yeah, it was same thing. Females making big turds all over town, leaving them for other folks to worry about. So I don't know if it's like, maybe do guys do it so often? It's no longer news, or is it really women being the...

The poop of traders here over and over and over. Men are more, they took over the masturbating and public department. So the women have to pick up the slack. Wait a minute. There was a time when women were dominating the headlines when it came to masturbating in public? No, no, no, no, no. That's the alternate timeline I want to live. No kidding.

I'm not sure what you mean. Never been on a jogging trail and a woman flashes me her vagina. Otherwise, you jog more. Yeah, exactly. You should have just said I've never been on a jogging trip. Once the pattern was established, police tractor movements,

they launched a drone Thursday morning. They went as far as to launch a drone. They wanted to figure out who kept crappin. They recorded the suspect in the act of excreting a lady log. After a brief pause for gloves, deep breaths, and perhaps spirited debates about whose turn it was to walk over there, police cited her for indecent conduct. I want to live in a town where things are still so simple and quiet

that the only reason why they have to bust out the police drone is to find some lady who's pressing turds out all over there. It's a fun day to be a cop. That's one of those things where it's like, we got this drone. I love using this drone. We gassed it up three years ago, and we haven't even flown the damn thing. It is National Poop Day,

which takes place annually on the day after Super Bowl Sunday. National Poop Day was created in 2016 during a polling place election at the Madison Children's Museum. The children passed a referendum to allow for the celebration of National Poop Day, a day meant to celebrate and explore one of the most vital functions of the human body. The word poop is said to be derived from the Indo-European word poo, which is linked to the words putrid and putrify. That's fascinating.

Who came up with poop shoot? That's what I want to know. Have any idea? Yeah, I don't know. I mean, there's probably your mom joke in there somewhere, but I should have looked down. My mom came up with poop shoot? Possibly. She was a very funny lady.

A Pennsylvania... Highly educated also, highly educated. Is that right? It must have been her. Must have been her. A Pennsylvania woman's accused of beating up a school bus driver. Oh. After the driver was five minutes late, picking up her daughter from the bus stop.

I really wants to get her daughter out of there. On January 15th, the bus driver, Shayla Harris. was picking up students along a route when 31-year-old Tonell Day pulled open the school bus doors, spilled her coffee, and then launched into an attack, which could generously be described as wildly unnecessary. This was a lady who attacked the school. Yeah, mom. Shouldn't she be taken in a mall parking lot or something?

Different state. Surveillance video shows the suspect getting in Harris's face, batting away her arm as the driver tried to defend herself, then punching Harris multiple times with an arm while holding holding the victim's hair with the other. It's the everyday life of a bus driver. Parents are just crazy, Harris said. What was going through my mind was to secure the bus so that we didn't drive into anything.

That was what was going through my mind, get her off the bus. The angry mother reportedly made her reasoning for the attack clear. She said, I had her baby standing out in the cold, Harris said. Adding that she saw the suspect ripping the doors open. She was struggling to pull the break to stop the bus, which was right before the punching started.

In the video, a small figure wearing a pink backpack whose faces blurred can be seen walking onto the bus at the same time as the suspect suggesting Day's daughter witnessed her mom go nuts. Oh. Other children were on board as well, including the bus driver's son, who woke up from a nap to hear her mother's, or his mother screams, jumped on the suspect's back and with the help of two adults kicked her off the bus. The bus driver had to be treated for a concussion at a nearby hospital. Now she was five late because there was a big snowstorm in town, and the mom apparently didn't understand that. Police say an active shooter at a Florida school has been identified as an Orlando cop, and reportedly no one was more startled by that plot twist than the officer himself.

According to authorities, a police officer accidentally fired a rifle during a Wednesday lockdown at a middle school. The Orlando Police Department, along with other partner agencies, responded to the school about 5 p.m. two hours after dismissal. This was following a 911 call that there was possibly an armed person on campus. Officers conducted a thorough search of the campus, but no such person was located, and there wasn't a school shooting until the cops got there. During the search, an officer accidentally fired his weapon. Oops.

That officer is undergoing additional training, and an internal investigation was launched as per department policy. I went to school here. You did? Yeah, my locker was right over there. Boom! Yeah, that'll ruin a Tuesday. You'd have to blame somebody else.

That wasn't me. No, no, no. The good news, aside from deputy discharges, slightly bruised professional pride, is that no one was injured. No one was injured. There was a social media rumor suggesting the whole thing may have started as a prank,

which caused the lockdown, which eventually led to that accidental shooting. You got to do a locker pop. An otter-tail county man was hospitalized after accidentally shooting himself in the hand, birthing a new hand gina. According to the sheriff's office, a medical call came in east of Dalton around 3.45 p.m. Thursday, January 29th. At the time, the man was reportedly handling a pistol in his garage when he lost his grip. As the gun fell toward the floor, he tried to grab it midair. He moved firearms instructors everywhere may describe as don't.

He accidentally pulled the trigger, drilling hot lead through the D-beater. The bullet struck his left hand and caused extensive damage. And it would be interesting to know how this car ride went. His wife drove him to the hospital. I wouldn't have. You're on your own? Figure it out. Order an Uber, pal.

Poor bastard. Feel bad for the guy. We have multiple reasons. I'm sure he probably got some crap on the way there. We were firing handguns a number of years ago on a bar. Buddy's farm. And, you know, the dude who was the real enthusiast of handguns was very, very careful at explaining whatever he needed, whatever he felt he needed to explain to each of us who stepped up to shoot at a target. One of my pals dropped the handgun as the enthusiast was very carefully

passing it to him for his turn. Just dropped it. Just never even got his hand really around the handle. So just dropped her. I want to tuck it back. Oh, that's where I'm going with this. That individual did not get a second try. Did not get a second try. Yeah, he's a little dangerous. Who's a little dangerous?

The person that's going to drop the other. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Domestic disputes that require police intervention are never a laughing matter, unless it's two siblings threatening to kill each other over who ate the last sticky bun. Police responded last week to a residence in Pennsylvania to handle a a domestic incident already in progress. When officers arrived, they discovered the confrontation was between siblings, a dramatic showdown over who ate the last sticky bun, and apparently vows of deadly vengeance.

I don't know if I've ever enjoyed a sticky bun. Oh, you would love them. Yeah, you're a sweets guy. Yeah, is it jug food basically made for children? Yeah. Well, then I'd love it, yeah. It's right in your wheelhouse. I've got a domestic in progress, no weapons, no intoxications.

It is between siblings over who ate the last. sticky bun, now they're threatening to kill each other. This poor mom. Sadly, public records requests have been denied, so no further information about the confrontation is available, leaving investigators, neighbors, and pastry enthusiasts everywhere with more questions than crumbs. Additionally, specific sticky bun details are lacking. However, if they weren't homemade, it appears they likely came from Mr. Stickies.

Mr. Stickies, a favorite in the area located where the siblings class. And locals did say Mr. Stickies offers several varieties worth fighting over. Is it just like your typical cinnamon roll type of a thing? Anyone know? No. No? I guess, honestly, I don't know how to explain it except for the fact that like a sticky bun is sticky. Yeah, like it's not really frosting.

It's more of like a glaze. Yeah, like what's on the inside of a cinnamon roll? Like that gooey, creamy kind of vibe? Yeah. They're really good. You would love them. Usually you see them with like pecons on the top. I'll have to check them out.

I love that. How old were these kids who were threatened? They didn't say. I don't even know if they're kids. They just called them siblings. Okay. Do you remember when I was a kid with my brother and sister, we would get so furious with each other that we would vow to kill each other.

And at least in the moment, we really intended to. do it. Yeah. Yeah, you know that feeling? Definitely. Yeah. Oh, I remember being so rageful. I really thought, I'm going to do it. I'm going to cut up, I'm going to cut him up into pieces and kill them. I remember the first time I ever felt that way is I had this awesome dollhouse growing up and these little people that came with the dollhouse. And my brother decided to take a black Sharpie to all of their faces. Oh, no. And I remember that being the first time, I was like, I need him to not be here anymore. I need to do something about this. Yeah, there's something about that childhood rage.

And you convince yourself, you're going to do it. Yep. Michael B. You didn't have those experiences, Josh or Dana? No, not really. Really? I mean, certainly we've gotten arguments and stuff. But yeah, I never wanted to kill any of my siblings.

Oh, my God. Murder never came to mind. Whoops. Michael B. Jordan B. 39 today. Tom Hittleston, 45, Charlie Day 50, Joe Pesci, 83. Holy smokes. days 50, huh? He's 50. Wow. He looks great for 50. He's got a ways to

go to catch up with Joe Pesci. Yeah, quite a ways. Shout out to Sheet Metal Jesus. Happy 17th birthday to Gus Bus Jesus from goat trucking Jesus. Happy birthday to Pete from Hot Widow Jesus. And former iron worker now retired Blind Ninja Cat says happy

anniversary to his fly, honey. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. do it. Seattle rains above the ball in the NFL, the Seahawks, Super Bowl champions for the second time. Welcome to the show, Randy Schaver. Hello, hello. Where Brad Ryder at? Good morning. Hi, fellas. How are you? Good. You sound much better, Nick. Yeah. It's still not over yet.

Coffered like a sum bitch. Oh, God, it's terrible. It won't let me go, Brad Rider, whatever it is. Well, we found out what it is. We got an email because we're not the only ones in the building that are sick. Josh and I, you know, we had to miss a couple days last week. We apologized for that, but neither one of us could friggin barely see by the end of last week. Someone narrowed it down. What's going through the building, they called it the Scandinavian elk flu. You've got to stay away from those elk.

It came over on a boat. And it ended up at the radio station. The Scandinavian elk flu is what we came down with. Josh is feeling much better. He says he's at 85, 86%. Yeah, like I was saying, compared to last week, I'll take it. But I'm still coughing like a sum bitch. I'll be coughing all over the microphone.

The doctor pretty much, I saw two doctors, one of them. Of course, you guys know my regular doctor, right? Vinny Boombots! Sure. I saw Vinny Boombats. I saw another doctor. They said it might be poignant, the cough. Yeah, a lot of people were texting in saying,

Sometimes it's like six to eight weeks with whatever's going around. Oh, heck no. It's perfect for a man who talks for a living. Right. Someone had to send a bucket of Scandinavian elk piss on a boat over here for some studies or something, and it got spilled on somebody's hands. They didn't wash their hands. They came in through an interview here in the radio station.

What are you going to do? Well, we're getting there, I guess. Wait a minute. That doesn't work. because that means either you were trying to hire somebody or you had a guest. Well, it wasn't our guests. There are other radio stations here. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Our guests are clean. They don't really show up in the ratings, but there are other radio stations in this building. Oh, man. But no, I appreciate your concern. We're doing the best we can. It's just this frigging. So there you go.

What a day yesterday with the, Seattle Sea Ducks went in their second Super Bowl in a game that not a lot of people were thrilled by. Why is that? It's very boring. It's a lot of good defense, that's all. I thought it was a really good game. I also enjoyed special teams being the highlight of the entire first half. You guys know I'm a special team fan.

Yeah, they broke a record, right? I love watching offenses struggle like a bunch of eighth graders in a game as big as the Super Bowl. You know, these quarterbacks and wide receivers, a bunch of divas, they need to get a punch in the mouth once in a while. I like that the Patriots offense completely embarrassed themselves. What was the text you sent last night, bad football and butts at halftime? Did I die and go to heaven or tell you something to that effect? Yeah, you guys didn't seem pleased with the game, and I said, well, I think I have the text here somewhere. You know, these days, it seems, if the final score isn't 52 to 49,

and you just had your genitalia kicked through the ceiling while watching a football game, people aren't pleased. So, you know, nine, nothing, whatever it was at halftime, 12, nothing, nobody really, a lot of folks weren't enjoying it. You know, there was a good game. Yeah, I did too. The bad football, yes, interceptions, there was a couple of those in the second halfs. I got no complaints.

I don't know about bad football. I just think there was really good defense. I mean, Drake may miss a lot of throws, though. Well, Drake May, I think, in his first Super Bowl, you could really tell that the spotlight is a little bit too big, at least earlier. Part of the reason he missed all those throws was because of the defense

Seattle was playing, though, too. Exactly. They were pointing it out on TV the different woods packages they were bringing and the different coverages. He just wasn't ready for it. And the coach after the game, Mike, Brayble even said, he goes, I got out-coached. He said they did a better job than I did of game planning.

And honestly, New England could have taken the lead like right away. You know, Darnold's first pass almost, they jumped the receiver, almost was picked off. And that could have changed the whole complexion of the game. New England was, they were like really right on Sam Darnold early in that game. And he made a couple of passes that. I mean, just by a hair were perfect. So it could have changed everything. But give Seattle credit.

I mean, their defense was monstrous. Their running game was great. New England had no idea what they were dealing with. The difference in the first half was Seattle could run the ball a little bit. Yeah. That was kind of the difference in the game, actually. Yeah. I got to a point there where you realize that if New England

didn't score on special teams or on defensive touchdown, they weren't going to get in the end zone much. Yeah, here's the text I sent last night, Josh, to Ashley and Josh and Dana. I said, this was after halftime. Defense and special teams making all the important plays, diva wide receivers standing around with their D's in their hands. A halftime show with big butts knocking around that I die and go to heaven? What's it say here? Yeah, Seattle's defense was absolutely. outstanding. The Patriots had no answers for it. Seattle only trailed. I guess, you know,

give them credit for a dominant postseason overall. Seattle only trailed for one minute and 35 seconds over the entire playoffs from the beginning to the end. Yeah. They sacked what's his nuts to quarterback six times last night. When the third quarter had finished, the Patriots had 78 yards of total offense. wonderful wonderful for them and Sam Arnold wasn't lights out you know I think he was about a 50% passer he was with the Vikings though wasn't he Brad Ryder for the entire game so I mean he did what he had to do the running game was great their defense prevailed so the other thing he did is what he didn't

do which is what you said in the ball over at first exactly you held on to the ball did it didn't make any stupid throws really Brad's So hanging on to that Sam Darnold thing pretty tightly. Yeah, yeah. You're not going to let that go anytime soon. I said a year ago they should have signed him. Right, right. Sam Darnold.

Although here's the unfortunate truth. Because the defense was the story of last night's ballgame, folks are probably going to give Sam Darnold the Trent Dilfer, Brad Johnson treatment. Do you know what I mean by? Yeah, because they're dominant defense. He had a little bit more to do with them getting there than those guys did. Trent Dilfer and Brad Johnson, they never get the respect. They deserve because they won Super Bowls with dominant defenses.

So I think our star receiver would like to have him back here based on the comments he made all left. Oh, yeah. And that has sparked a lot of it. Interest. Former star receiver is what we should be prepared to be. Yeah, he's in Buffalo already. Yeah. Yeah.

And so all the people who didn't want to resign Donald now, you're looking at that situation. What is that? Soon to be. Soon to be former star receiver, Justin Jefferson. Oh, he was just saying things like I didn't play with an elite quarterback this year. Whatever. Who cares? He's being honest.

He didn't. Yeah. Yeah, that's. Thank you, a guy there. Kelvin O'Conrad, troubled head coach. All right, so Josh and I have to blow up again. It's not a streaker. No, that was not a streaker.

Why are we calling clothed people who run on the field during ball games? Why are we obsessed with calling them? Why do we call them a streaker when they're not a streaker? That's not a streaker. It's just a dude who has a shirtless guy. The shirtless guy. Well, he ran four more yards than the Patriots did. He actually did.

That's a good point. Yeah, a lot of people were joking about how bad Bunny got into the end zone, you know, more often than the Patriots did, at least at halftime there. I was room for a shoutout. I like, you know, I like that halftime show starring former Saved by the Bell star Dustin Diamond. For me, it was watching a very well-produced, like, play or something where I had no idea what was going on. I was very confused what was happening. And that wedding was real, and I knew it.

That's so cool. And I thought they're either the world's greatest actors or they legitimately just got married at the Super Bowl. Why didn't you guys tell me that Brad Bunny looked so much like Screech? I'm sorry. I thought maybe it seemed some of his matches. You know he's a very talented wrestler? I did watch one of his matches years ago, but I had no recollection of what he looked like. And here comes this guy on my television last night.

I said, Jesus, Screech has fought his way out of the green. And you obviously haven't seen Happy Gilmore 2 yet. He was good in that. Yeah, he was very funny in that. That's the first time I ever saw him. Yeah, that's why I was excited for the back done. You're waiting for Kelly Kapinski to pop out. Kapowski.

Put some respect on that name, Brad. Kelly Kapinski. The Vikings will win a Super Bowl, Dana, before I watch Happy Gilmore. Oh, I'm well aware of that, yeah. Yeah, so I didn't know any of his songs, but I liked the show that he put on because it was so odd. I mean, he fell through a roof. He's balancing on an exploding light pole for some reason. He scared a child.

It was weird. Here, kid, take this Grammy. Yeah, there were so many sets and everything. It was like watching a really well put together high school play where you didn't understand the plot at all. Yeah, I was asking my wife, like, is this just kind of like a really elaborate wedding or what's happening in this video? And for Pete's sake, I haven't seen Ricky Martin in years. Yeah, that was awesome. I had no idea who that was.

I remember Minuto. I didn't recognize him at all. Oh, I'll always recognize Ricky Martin because I remember Minuto. He doesn't look all that different than he did when he was in friggin' Minuto. Yeah, he looks good. It's cool to see Lady Gaga up there, too. Big fan of hers. I didn't know who that was either.

I thought maybe that's who it was. I wouldn't mind it if Ricky Martin would have broke into a little Lovita Loca. Playing the hits. Yeah. You ever snort some blow and dance around a club to that one, Brad Rider? I can see you sweating it out Just your heart racing like a rabbit Yeah, I could see Brad like awkward dad dancing at a wedding

Or something like that Yeah The male version of Elaine Yeah Yeah I remember at a buddy's wedding many years ago They threw They threw come on island

lean on the jukebox there at the wedding reception. And someone must have given my dad a Red Bowl or something because he was out there. He was just dancing his ass off and just pouring sweat. I said, who the hell gave my 63-year-old dad cocaine? He doesn't know, come on, Eileen, he's out there. Oh, yeah. As soon as that dude ran on the. ballfield, Josh calls my phone. I said, hello, and he said, it's not a streaker. If you're not

naked, you are not a streaker. Right. Fully naked. Right. All right. Well, the Hopkins boy and a Wizzetta boy won Super Bowls last night. Tell us all about them. I don't know these people. Boye-Maffei, former gopher, and Nick Callerup, former gopher. Oh. We're with Seattle and both won Super Bowls. I remember Mothay quite, what's the word I'm looking for, Josh, vividly. Well, Nick Callerup was a very good tied-in for the gophers and for Wysetta High School. So congratulations to those two guys. Oh, that's great.

Well, Wysetta dudes just keep on raking it in. We do. We win every time. What was this story somebody printed? I didn't get to see the D-D-D-D-D- details, Josh. Twins pitcher Bailey Ober, new Patriots quarterback Drake May

when they were young kids? Yeah, and Drake gave him a little bit of a shout-out, I guess. Their families grew up together or something. That's pretty cool. Probably the only time you'll hear Bailey Ober's name mentioned during a championship game. Unless he gets traded. Yeah.

So they grew up in L.A. So they grew up together. Are they... Are their families? did at least. Well, sure. They can't be all that different in age. Oh. I would think Bailey Overs a little older. Yeah, Dr. Drake May is going to be younger.

Well, no, no, obviously, but I'm talking like four or five years or something, right? Bailey Overs 30. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's a big age span. Oh, so what about this May kid? 23. He's 23. Oh, okay, a little more than I thought.

Wow, Bailey Obers hit 30 already? Frank Maze. He looks at 20. He looks 23, too. He looks like a child. He looks 13. Yeah, he looks like an eighth grader. Between he and J.J. McCarthy, they might add up to 23.

Now I can't help it feel bad. Yeah. That they beat up a kid? Yeah, honestly, I have such a hard time watching big games like this because I always just feel so bad for the people losing it. Especially the Super Bowl, because they're like, yeah, winner, confetti. everybody's so happy. Let's pan the camera to these very depressed patriots.

Falling on the sideline. Yeah, I'm like, oh, I don't need to see that. I have a hard time feeling sorry for any Boston team that loses anything. Yeah, I didn't feel bad for their fan base last semester. Oh my gosh, Dana. I was going to say it even got to the point where I told my husband, I said, man, I bet it really sucks having your team go to the Super Bowl and they don't win. Like that would just, I'd be in such a bad mood.

And he's like, what? Who cares about them? I think people in this day would take going to the Super Bowl and losing at this point. That's what he was saying to. He was like, how would you know? You'll never know what that feels like, Ashley. Don't worry. F, Boston.

Oh, yeah. Speaking of the Patriots, this is kind of cute. The wife? Oh, no. Sorry. Is Stefan Diggs? Is he married to Carr-Dibb? No.

No, he fathered her child. I don't think they're cool anymore right now. That can happen. What's that? I don't think they're cool right now. I guess I was reading. They're unpopular? No, I was reading on social.

Like, they're not on good terms. They don't get along. I was reading on social media that they unfollowed each other after the game last night. Oh, that's a big deal. Dramatic. He lost the Super Bowl, so she's done. By the way, just got a text from, for real, a listener that calls himself Drake May lover, Jesus.

Oh, man. And he said, our chance. Championship drought continues. There are eight-year-old New England Patriots fans that don't know what it's like to win a Super Bowl. That's just got to be heartbreaking. All right. So it says here, okay, the wives of Patriot players reportedly hate Cardib. She does not get along with the other wives and girlfriends of the fellers on that football team.

Several wives of Patriots players are complaining about Cardib. and her diva-like attitude. She's a lot, they say. I bet she is. She is famous. She is a lot. People of my generation will understand this, the unfollowing each other.

That was kind of back in the day when Facebook was still popular, you had the relationship status of single, inner relationship, or it's complicated. I loved when people did, it's complicated. Oh, yeah. Is that just kind of fishing for, you want people to ask?

100% and I'd fall for it every time. I want to know what's going on. They say that Cardib is always speaking loudly. She always has to be the center of attention. She, like Josh, has no filter. I am not afraid to go there. Did she tell it like it is? Well, I'll tell you what she.

I can't forgive her for that song, Wop. I still have to clean my ears. I can't believe that. You know those reaction videos, Josh, where somebody's like watching something or listening to something for the first time? I would love to see a reaction video of you hearing Wop for the first time. It's similar to when I read the description and don't look it up. Everybody looks it up after we bring it up to munging. Yes.

It's the same type of reaction. I can't believe that song exists. I was in 2020, I was getting takeout from a restaurant because the restaurant is barely open. It's only open for takeout. And there was a family ahead of me getting their food. had a couple kids there, you know, elementary school age, and they're playing the uncensored version of WOP in the takeout area. Seriously?

Yes. Oh, my gosh. I felt so bad. Those horrified parents, you know, flogging ears. Take them the car. Take them to the car. The late great Gilbert Gottfried, with him reading it, I enjoyed that when he read the lyrics. He read it so passionately.

So apparently this car dib lady, team officials have had to. talk to her and tell her good luck with that that she can't just walk anywhere she wants in their team facilities apparently she just like she owns a place she walks into

Robert Crafts office whatever yeah what's up man dude that's so great she's busting her Robert craft's offices give me the real deal about those hand jobs down in Florida she's just making herself at home who does she think she is Taylor

Swift. By the way, I was mad at you guys for not telling me that Brad Bunny is the second coming of Dustin Diamond. Why didn't anyone tell me that the Seahawks coach was separated at birth with friggin' Zach Perisi? Oh, yeah, I can see that. Those guys look almost identical. Tough gig to look like Zach Peresee. Must be miserable. Yeah, poor guy. So we mentioned the halftime show. Can you guys tell me, Of course, the halftime show has become this colossal gangbang. And, you know, until Weird Al Yankovic shows up. Not that I didn't enjoy it again last night.

It was so weird that I kind of enjoyed it. Until Weird Al gets his chance, who really cares? I haven't cared in decades. Can you tell me who was considered the first real headliner in Super Bowl halftime history? It was 19-ought, that doesn't make any... 191. Michael Jackson? No.

That was 93. They say he was the first to make it a spectacle. Okay. In 91. Gloria Estefan? Fair guess, wonderful guess. They consider new. Yes, Randy?

I was just going to say she was the halftime at the Vikings at the Metrodome. Of the old school metrodome. Yeah, the old school metrodome. She was the halftime of the Washington Buffalo Super Bowl. Well, that was 92. 92. You. 1991, they're saying new kids on the block was the first real headliner.

And Randy Schaber and Brad Ryder and then Cubby even are old enough to remember that the Super Bowl halftime show used to mean nothing. It was marching bands. That's right. My favorite was up with people. Up with people. Yep. Would stand out on the field and sing some uplifting song about loving one another and things like that. And they would have monkeys on tricycles and things like that.

But it's become this gang bang. When I went to the Super Bowl in 1997 at the New Orleans Superdome, it was the Patriots and the Packers. The headliner was ZZ Top and nobody cared. Oh, yeah? That sounds awesome. It was pretty boring. Oh.

It was. No offense to ZZ Top 35 years ago, but it was kind of boring. I do kind of remember them plugging those promos, like they're trying way too hard to make this the thing. Zizi Top, nobody's going to. care, really. I'll tell you a story about new kids on the block. Most of these remember their hit single from the summer of 1990.

I'm sure Brad Ryder does because he was going to all the pop concerts back then. Remember the hit single, Step by step, Brad Ryder? Oh, yeah. Ooh, baby. Gonna get to you, girl. Step one. We can have lots of fun. Step two.

It's just me and you. Step three. What the hell was step three? How many steps were there? Four, I think? Well, they were like five guys in the band. Step three. Anyway, this was back before I had cable. A friend of mine would put a VHS tape into his VCR and hit record on MTV and then come over to my house once every few months and drop it off so I could understand what was happening on MTV.

Right? Yeah. And they played that video step by step every 25 minutes. Would you like to hear the five steps? Go ahead. Step one, we can have lots of fun. Step two, isn't it? It's just me and you?

No, step two is there's so much we can do. So step three is it's just you and me. Step three is just saying me? Hang on, I got it from here. Step four, I can give you more. There you go. Bring it home. Is that it?

No, there's a fifth step. Step five, don't you know that the time is right? Nailed it. Now, the reason why I know that so well is so my buddy, drops off this VHS tape from the summer of 1990. So there's a lot of poison and, you know, Mariah Carey, but it was step by step. If you know the video, there's a dance that they do to start the video. I stayed up for like two days and learned the dance.

No way. Yes, I did. Wow. You're like middle school me. So then the next time my buddy dropped off of MTV VHS tape, I hit play and I performed the dance to perfection in front of him. In front of him. I bet girls thought that was pretty cool. Never showed a girl.

He showed this friend of me. And he stood there. A little personal concert. He stood there absolutely bewildered by what I had showed. Oh, I would love to see that. See, people are thinking of a different song. People are texting in saying step one is to cut a hole in the box. That is step one, but it's a different song.

Step two. Now, what was step two once again? It's just me and you. No, for the hole in the box. Oh, I'm sorry. Put your D in the box. Yeah, that's all. Step three is you open the box.

Open the box. That's how little I had going on with my life in the summer of my life. 1990. Wow. That's a long way to go to troll somebody. I like it. I would love to see a video of that. That would be amazing.

And also a reaction video of his buddy, too. Like I just said, seeing Josh listen to Wop for the first time. I want to see the look on his buddy's face when he busts up the Walberg dance. I sweat my ass off learning that. When you gave the lap dance to a lady, did you bust out any of those moves?

No. Nothing like that? By the time I lap dance, danced a woman for the very first time. I had no memory of the steps. Darn, I would love to see that right now. Any of the steps in the step-by-step video. Yeah, my pal was just absolutely, he was frozen for a good minute after I was done.

Did he clap? To this day, he still brings it up and says, I cannot effing believe you accomplished that. Because it's not like, they're not swaying back and forth like you're watching the Lawrence Welk show. No, it's some intense choreography. Yeah, oh, yeah. I need a look at the dancing now. One of our listeners is saying they're picturing me in a vote for Pedro shirt. Can we play a little bit of that song?

Now that we've been talking about it. Oh, my gosh, you did this? I did that. No way. The shoulder? You got the shoulders all in it, too? That's a great song. All right.

I don't know if you guys care. Oh, no. Well, this is special. special. Larry Fitzgerald's going to the, what do you call it? Yeah. Pro football Hall of Fame. Hall of Fame. Yeah. No surprise. He's totally deserves to be first ballot. He was incredible. Jackson Smith, Jigba, offensive player of the year. Miles Garrett,

defensive player of the year. Matt Stafford, NFL MVP. Yep. Yeah, let's move on to the Olympics now. The Olympics, I didn't catch any of it. over the weekend. I found this interesting. The United States women's hockey team is rolling.

They beat Finland the other day. But it sounds like anybody could have beat Finland the other day. It says that the entire Finnish roster had diarrhea. Oh, no. Norovirus, which we had a coworker who had that damn near killed them. It's terrible. Oh, it was the norovirus?

Oral virus, yeah. They say that also took down the Swiss women's hockey team. They'd, like, isolate and everything. So much diarrhea. The dudes hockey club, I think, starts Thursday with a game against Duluth East. I have no idea. It's amazing they qualified, but they're there. That's a hell of an accomplishment.

Yes, it is. All-time great downhill skier. Lindsay Vaughn. She tried skiing down a hill or two at the Olympics, but she crashed and one of her legs broken half. Sad. Pretty much. So that's the end of that. It happens so fast. On the, on the hill for 13 seconds. She had to be airlifted to a hospital. The left leg is the one that broke for her. She snapped an ACL on that same leg nine days ago. Lindsay Vaughn pulls out of the game in hopes of more Olympic glory. I just know after the years of watching her, she will ski at her limit.

The tone is set right here. Oh, my goodness. No. Goodness. This crowd is just absolutely silent. That was hard to watch. They sound devastated. Yeah.

Well, there you go. That's too bad. It is too bad. I have an official medal count. Let's hear it. Are you dying for this? Got a lot of money riding on this. I'm going to be honest, I am intrigued, but I'll probably forget about it like five minutes.

I'll tell you, of course. Why wouldn't you? I'll tell you this much. So Lindsey Vaughn breaks her leg off. One of her teammates went ahead and grabbed up a gold medal. Breezy Johnson won the women's downhill ski race. Almost sounds like a porn name. It kind of does.

And apparently she hasn't won a World Cup race ever. That was the first race that she had won. She must have been going awful fast. So does Lindsay technically get a gold medal then? I have no idea. Because it was a team competition she was competing in. I don't know how that works. The United States figure skating team also won a gold medal.

So the United States has two medals, both of them gold, leading the way, is the home country of Italy. They got nine medals already. Wait a minute. Yeah, they got nine medals already. Well, this frigging thing is over. Yep. Shut it down early this year.

Frigin Swedes. They've also got two medals. We got to at least just beat Sweden. I was watching some Olympic snowboard in order of the weekend. I got a big eye roll from my wife. I was down in the basement. She kind of stuck her head down and said, what are you doing? I go, watching snowboarding. She goes, oh, the Olympics.

And I go, no, I'm just watching a live feed of Buck Hill right now. Do they have that? I sure hope not, actually. Don't you and your wife know who completely 100% exist on different levels of the house like my wife and I? That's what we do. That was just the rare time. She was just, I think checking make sure I was still alive. Yeah. The secret to a long marriage, right?

That's right. Absolutely. That basement is mine, baby. Let me give you a warning, though, about these Winter Olympics. Okay, so so far, Bulgaria only has one medal, and it's a bronze. But here's a warning. Rusev hasn't made it to Italy yet. Okay?

Oh, by the way, happy Ruseb Day. Thank you. You too. Thank you. They've only got the one medal, but Rusev's plane is delayed. He has not made it to Italy yet. And when he gets there, it is going to be a disaster. for every other country.

Finnish skier Remy Lindholm. We talked about him last week. The dude who froze his tallywacker and damn near died at the last winter Olympics. He couldn't make it to this round. Also, because of an injury, he burned his vagina.

What? Oh, no. This guy can't catch a break. No, the truth is, he broke his ass neck while training in cross-country skiing. I didn't mention that he's a cross-country skier. He broke his ass. He diagnosed with a strain fracture to his sacrum,

which is a lot of folks call it the ass neck, located in his lower back down by the tailbone ski. Oh, that's got to be painful. Man. I would think so. So if you were looking forward to this year's round of cross-country skiing, and of course, why wouldn't you? you're not going to see this guy in his frozen rod

slipped and fell and broke his ass well yesterday was one of the most miserable timber wolves games I've Oh boy Most miserable games since Friday night's game Yeah this one was way worse than Friday night I got a feeling something maybe coming Yeah me too this was one of the worst games I've ever seen from the wolves

And I've been watching them from day one I definitely took some time yesterday to reach out to some of my hardcore wolves fans to offer my condolences and just check in on them, you know. I mean, Gobert calls him out for not playing hard, which is the truth. He kind of gets chided by the coach for doing that, which I can understand. You don't want your dirty laundry out there in the media, but we all see it. We all see that they're not playing hard and that they're not motivated. and it's frustrating.

And you can't fire all the players. So I just got a feeling something's coming because this is not going to be acceptable if they go down the stretch and end up in a play-in game. That's not going to fly. First off, the wolfie made me sit and watch that duffus Kawhi Leonard score 41 points.

Yep. And they played without the two best players who were traded. I mean, Right. It's just miserable. If they end up making a coaching move at the end of the season, I don't know whether they would do this now, but if they do at the end of the season,

keep an eye on Mike Malone. Tim Conn, Mike Malone, former Denver coach. He hasn't coach this year, but he was the coach in Denver when Tim Connolly was there, and they have a relationship, and he's won a championship. So that's one name I keep thinking about that might end up here if they end up making a coaching change.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. They've lost three in a row, all to sub-500 opponents. Yesterday, the wolves were eight of 33 from the three-point stripe, 20 turnovers. Jesus. Yeah, but it's more than that, though, Nick. It's just the defensive effort. Oh, dude, you don't have to tell me. I've been talking about the defensive effort for a month and a half.

It's just, it's ridiculous that they're not playing hard. Well, hey, wait a minute now. Now, I have to take a time out on this. early in the game they were garbage defensively the first two three minutes Finchie called the time out and I will say they were as intense as I've seen them all year on defense for about a quarter and a half they did at least listen for a brief period of time you're right generally speaking over the entirety of the season their defense has been dog feces but yesterday it was the offense

turning it over and missing and no one cutting, no one. Yeah. The thing that's frustrating is that it's not like they have a lack of talent or it's not like they can't do it. I mean, a week and a half ago, they destroyed Oklahoma City. So you know that there's nights when they want to dial it up, they can. It is basically the same team that has gone to the NBA Western finals

the last couple of years. It's basically the same team. It's just that you can't coast through the regular season. You can't not play. When you get beat by the Pelicans at home, like you got beat the other night. It's just so embarrassing. And I mean, you can't do that.

You just can't. And the NBA in general right now, maybe Brad can chime in. Right now the NBA in general is kind of getting a black eye. You saw what happened with the Utah Jazz game the other night where they sat Jaron Jackson and Mark and for the entire fourth quarter, definitely tanking, wanting to lose. This whole tanking thing is starting to pick up steam now across the league. People are starting to get pissed off about how NBA teams are just not playing. And that's not good.

I mean, we're halfway through the regular season. and teams are tanking. So the whole league right now, players are out, Gillis Alexander's hurt, players are sitting. Oh, nice. The whole thing,

but what I'm saying is the whole league right now, people are looking at it and going, wow, this is not a good product. It feels that way, I think partially because of the way the local team is playing. And so every once in a while,

I've got to check myself and think, okay, is this just happening here, or is it everywhere else? And then I see things like that, like you said. But then I'll read an article where they say viewership is up like 15% this year. And I'm trying to figure out how, why, because I just don't feel like people. Bronny James. Like you said, are in too much, yeah. Oh, wow.

So they got to do something tonight. They got to play tonight. They play the Atlanta Hawks tonight at home. Seems like a team that's looking forward to the All-Star break. They've got two more games, I think? Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, two games. And they take the break.

The NBA All-Star Gang Bang is this coming weekend? Yeah. Oh, wow. All right. Same weekend as Daytona. Yeah, so they play today and Wednesday, and then they're off until the following Friday. Oh, there you go.

Hey, this is interesting. UPS Golden Valley delivery. Jesus was at the game yesterday. So was I. He said he was there to watch his daughter on the junior dance line that performed at halftime. I saw the show UPS Golden Valley Delivery, Jesus. Those kids did a good job.

Josh, tell us some of your stories of when you were on the junior dance line. Well, the tough part is the smiling. You know, I don't know how to control my face. I have a weird smile, and you got to smile. And applying all the makeup. Oh, yeah. You broke out, didn't you? I did, yeah.

Yeah, a lot of acne. Which requires, of course, more makeup. up. It's just kind of an never-ending, never-ending problem. Hey, UPS, Golden Valley Delivery, whatever your name is, a wonderful, loyal listener. We hear from you all the time. If those kids ever want to learn the step-by-step, I thought it was really odd. The dude who handles step one. I think his name was Gary.

He's the bassy guy in the group, right? He's like the big blown-up muscular guy in the group. So when it comes to step one, he says, We can have lots of fun. Like he shows off his base. That was his gig, Gary. So does Mike Con- Why do I think his name isn't actually Gary?

It's Gary. He's right. It was Gary Leonard, Maurice Barry. and Robin. They're on the cover of every teen. Michael, Jackie, Germain. Tito.

Randy Schaver and Bradrider, that's enough out of you. I'm exhausted. I'm going to get on the block for the rest of the day. See you, donkeys. See ya. Okay. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, Pimps?

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Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Dr. P. Jesus. The 93X Half-Assed Morning Show. Yeah, sure. Let's ask the doctor and see what he comes up with. Welcome back to the Half-Ast morning show. Our next guest is bound and determined to help you out if you've got an issue with your fragile health.

651-989-933 is our Luther Kia Bloomington text line. if you want to ask Dr. P. Jesus. Hello, Dr. P. Hello. Did you bring these guys any medicine? I brought a flamethrower. I thought maybe that was how we need to cleanse this place of whatever's going on. We might need you to start over.

We actually, we mentioned this earlier. We have a friend who owns Scene Clean and they were going to bring in. Like the murder scene people? Yeah. They were going to bring in like a chlorine bomb or something. I'm not sure if they had an opportunity to do it yet. over the weekend, but just try and kill whatever's floating around this building. Yeah, you know, this friggin cough is just relentless.

I've tried Robitussin, Delsam. These guys know I even tried a little bit of that Dracar. And all that does is attract ladies. Exactly. Maybe try Polo as well. I tried some Dracar. Didn't do it. What do you make of that norovirus, Dr. P. Jesus.

Well, it's a bad one too, but it doesn't cause a cough. It just causes the gastrointestinal stuff. Sure. But it's, yeah, it's your nightmare sort of gastroenteritis. I didn't bring it up related to Josh and I being ill. Yeah. In the sports report or whatever we call our conversation with Randy and Brad, we mentioned that norovirus has whipped through the locker rooms of the lady hockey players at the Olympics.

and they're all two at a time in a toilet diarrhea. Oh, yeah. Wow. That's the one that takes out cruise ships, right? Yeah. Where there's like feces rolling down the walls and everything. Luckily, they're all in good shape because I got to fit two bottoms on one toilet seat. Oh, man.

That was my biggest fear this weekend when I went ice fishing for the first time was that the noroviruses are going to hit me, and I'd be in that, you know, it's a nice ice castle, but it's not huge. And I would just be stuck there on that toilet all day and just embarrassing my. myself. Oh, that would have been awesome for us. Oh, I know. It was a great content for you guys, but thankfully my stomach held on. Have you treated norovirus, Dr. P? Well, I mean, I've seen it. I mean, you don't really, there's not much you can do, honestly. It's really just, yeah, not like an emotium or something. There's nothing you can do. I mean, generally with those things, you don't, you really don't want to shut down your gut. I mean, you're just got to ride it out.

Yeah, your body's, your body's trying to get rid of the bad stuff. You just got to stay hydrated. Just, you're pushing. You're just pushing out all the, you're just. bad, taking some, uh, taking some good. A lot of liquids, I'd imagine. What was the drinky? Liquids, he said. Oh, what was the drinky you said you've tried here in the last couple of days, Josh? The drink I tried?

Drinky drinky drink. Uh, I don't know what you're talking about. First break, you mentioned some kind of drinky you've been, uh, taken in. Oh, I tried like, uh, for my throat? Yeah, when you've been sick. Oh, throat coat. I thought it was something else this morning. Like, we were talking about honey and I put some of that in there.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Maybe I misheard you. I thought there was some type of new drink that was helping you out with your sickness. Scotch. I cannot imagine you with a glass of scotch in your hair. If you have diarrhea that bad, you need, you know, just water is not enough. You need electrolytes.

Liquid IV. Oh, liquid IVs are great. That's what it was. Liquid IV. Oh, perfect. I've tried that. Actually, I've been drinking a lot of that. Well, so that's what it was.

I don't remember when we talked about liquid IV, but yeah. It's a can drink. It's called liquid high. It's like a powder. Yeah, it's like your Gatorade packets. Oh. Yeah. I assume it's got to be an electrolyte.

Yes. Yeah. Just, yeah, basically because when you get rid of stuff, you're not just getting rid of water. What's the worst thing a patient ever passed on to you? Oh. Where you're dealing with a sick patient and you know it. You say to yourself, oh, God, I'm going to get this stuff. Yeah, like they sneeze in your face.

You're like, here we go. And you tough bastards, I mean, the doctors that treated me, the last couple of days. One of them, my regular doctor, Vinnie Bumbach, the doctors had treated me the last few days. I felt bad for both of them because, I mean, I don't know if I'm still contagious or any of that crap, but I mean, they just got to step right up and take

a big whiff of me, you know what I mean? Knowing that I'm sick. I think about that every time I go to the doctor. Yeah. They probably have a pretty good immune system built up. Obviously, you know more than I do, John. Yeah, I would say, I mean, in... Did you call him Jim? I was about to say Josh, and then I realized I was talking to Dr. P., and then I tried to change it to dock

and it just all came out wrong. You know, in 2019, the clinic I was working in, we did a lot of travel visits. And so there were a fair number of people who would travel to China regularly for work. Oh, yeah. And I'm pretty sure.

I mean, I was incredibly sick at basically Christmas of 2019, which, was before COVID supposedly hit here, but I'm quite convinced I had COVID. You were patient zero. I mean, I might have a patient too. I coughed so hard, I literally gave myself a hernia, a groin hernia.

I mean, I popped a hernia. Oh, no, you see. Poor man. I've been coughing so hard lately. My nuts started to hurt. Oh, that happens to me, too. No, I mean, it's, that's why they, that's how they test the, oh, no, you told us why the turn your head and cough.

Well, well, yeah, I mean, well, for a hernia, you do want to cough. You do. The turn in the head is so you don't cough on me. Gotcha. No, the Val Salva is basically when you squeeze. I got that in Olive Garden the other day. Mix it with vinegar. But yeah, the Valsalva is that positive pressure in your abdomen.

And, yeah, if you have a hernia, it makes it bulge. But, I mean, it also puts pressure down in the scrotum. I was a little nervous because my bag started. to sting a little bit the other day when I was... I get that with a big... You better hold it when you cough. Oh, yeah, that's best advice, right? Yeah.

Or have somebody else. Trucker Timmy Jesus said, I'm having razor-like pain near my belly button. Feels like I got a pee, and he says it's dripping from you know where. Are you pregnant? Should I get my prostate checked? I'm 43 and I've never had it done before. What's dripping? He's never had it done?

He said, you know where. I'm assuming he means his weiner. My damn. But razor-like pain around the belly button? Yeah, that's what he said. Ouch. Like nerve pain, he just tried it. That's weird.

Okay, nerve pain, but drip. Yeah, it's hard to put that all together. If you're having dripping from that area, then that's not good. I mean, you need to be checked for sexually transmitted illness, but... I remember when I was a kid, I was terrified of the gonorrhea drip. Yes. Oh, my gosh, I remember them talking about that. Is that the one they call the drip?

Gonorrhea? Yeah, it's definitely the drip. It's also the clap. Yep, clap. Yep. After I started messing around, you know, sexually. Yeah. If I ever had to shake it off more than three, four times, I was convinced I had the gonorrhea drip.

Taking a close look. Yeah, when you hear like razor-like nerve stuff on the skin, that, you know, that sounds like nerve irritation that might be, you know, I think shingles and things like that. But again, I can't really, off the top of my head, I can't think of a relationship between that and the genital symptoms. But yeah, I'd say go get that, go get yourself looked at. Damn, he's just dripping. So he specifically mentioned the prostate. Is that you can take one of those blood tests or something?

Well, I mean, the blood test is looking for elevated PSA levels, prostate-specific antigen, which can be elevated when you have an infection. You're mostly we're screening for cancer if you're using that. So typically you probably wouldn't do that at that time. I mean, a physical exam can help detect whether the prostate is a bit boggy. That's the term I always like to use. Boggy. It's a bit buggy.

The poor guy, his rod is dripping like his name was Scotty Pippen. We got some people that are a real mess here texting in Dr. Pee. Yeah. This guy sounds like he's just torn up from head to toe. four herniated discs Degenerative disc disease Four amenal stenosis He's had injections, steroids

He also has sciatica Nothing helps my pain In my mid back to my feet Yikes Did he say how old he is? He did not Not So okay so well herniated discs. So discs are the, basically like the jelly donut type thing between our

vertebrae in our back. So kind of the cushioning. That's why Josh is always licking at my back. Right. We love that jelly donut. And they're supposed to be intact. They're supposed to be like a shock absorber. Herniated disc means, I mean, it really, if you think about it, like a jelly donut, it's like some of the squishy material within the donut. It's sort of, pretty ejected out and it's actually it can push on a nerve. 55 years old. Yeah, okay. Just throw that.

55. Yeah, thank you. So, degenerative disc disease just means that the discs usually on imaging look kind of, they just look ratty. Ferraminal stenosis is when you start to get arthritic changes in the spine. So we have the vertebrae, your spinal cord is going down, and then all the nerves that come out to our body come out through openings that are supposed to be. large enough to allow those nerves to be passing through and loose and not squeeze.

But if you get arthritic changes, those openings get smaller. And basically the nerves are getting pinched all the time. And so he's, I mean, he's got a combination of back changes that can happen to many of us. The thing is, you can have those findings on like an MRI and not have. pain. You can have a lot of pain and not have those findings. And so they're not, just because you have that on there doesn't necessarily mean it's exactly what's causing your pain. So that's where it can get very confusing. You know, basically once those nerves are being pinched, my God, it's like it really is. Sounds like we're in the typhoid ward or something here. Well, some

people have texted in the sound, they say it sounds like we're all passing a big fat joint around. It does. Taking a hit and poit. So, yeah, it's, so trying to sort out what is causing what pain. Nerves that get pinched tend to cause symptoms, you know, radiating down typically your legs or into your butt or sciatica, which is the classic one where you have this aching, gnawing pain down the back of your leg that is just really annoying.

You can also have pain in your spine related to those changes because it's basically arthritis of the spine. The injections he's had, I'm sure, you know, they, they often will try epidural steroid injections. So steroid anti-inflammatory, inject it kind of like in that area where the nerve is, hoping it will create a little bit more room for the nerve. You know, physical therapy is important because you're trying to basically maximize your mobility and your strength, but you kind of just have to deal with it as best you can't And then if you have intolerable pain, that's when you have to talk to a surgeon, basically. Yeah, we got a text here.

This person says, my wife has the same issue this guy's having. She had three screws put in the back for sciatica pain. A thousand times better after surgery. Yeah. So it's, you know, does anybody really want to sign up for spine surgery? No, because it's a big deal. But sometimes that's what you need. I mean, there are multiple avenues and things that can be tried before you get there.

So the specialists typically who are involved in this stuff are physical medicine and rehabilitation doctor, PMR. They're essentially non-surgical pain, musculoskeletal specialists who they often do injections and things like that. But yeah, if you've got this combination of symptoms, and especially if you're getting more weakness in your legs, if you're losing function, losing strength, you need to talk to the surgeon because there's. You need some of those screws. Yeah, a couple of screws. Herniated discs can be essentially, they go in and they remove a little bit of some of the bony material that's in there and kind of like suck out that material that came out of the jelly donut. So it's not pushing on a nerve.

There's artificial disks that can be put in as a measure. There are, sometimes people need a spinal fusion, which is where they really have to kind of clean out all that soft material and then use. some sort of hardware to fixate your spine. So there's, I mean, there's many, many things that can be done. Good luck to you, Walter. His name is Walter. That's a solid name. It is, Walter.

Well, it sounds like a guy with back trouble. I would say that is true. So, yes, it's the kind of thing where you, you know, you do want to see a physical medicine and rehab doc. You probably have, if you've already had those injections. Talk to a surgeon. And then that's a classic case where you definitely want to get a second opinion. How about this one?

You ever met a guy named Christian or Corey, those guys. don't have back problems. Guys named Walter have back problems. True. True. I had holiday heart syndrome about a year ago at 35 years old. What's up with that? Lucas asks. Never heard of that holiday?

Yeah, I haven't heard that either. I have to look at that. Like come Christmas, you don't feel good? I can't remember if that is alcohol. I'll look it up. Yeah, look it up for me quick. I mean, I've heard the term, but it's obviously not a diagnosis. Or when you pull up to the gas station?

A temporary alcohol-induced heart rhythm disorder. Okay. Oh. Yeah. So, again, it's not a medical diagnosis. Does it say what the actual problem is? Atrial fibrillation. It is, atrial fibrillation.

Okay. So, yeah, I mean, you're basically just, you're drinking and you're eating a ton. And, you know, usually you probably have, if you're susceptible to that, you probably do have some degree of. heart disease and heart changes just that would make you more susceptible. But, I mean, it's honestly pretty miraculous that our heart works as well as it does. I mean, we have this little area of cells called the AV node in the upper part of the heart that controls the rhythm, you know, sets the beat. Right.

And the electricity travels to the rest of the heart. That's all coordinated. But yeah, if you get, you know, if you kind of get toxic. stuff going on in your body that can get thrown off, whether it's electrolyte problems, whether it's just alcohol poisoning, essentially. And usually it would probably

resolve, but yeah, in atrial fibrillation, the most common thing that people feel if they get that is you just have a really fast heart rate that... Scary. Yeah, obviously, Nick, you know all about this kind of stuff. But yeah, fast heart rate, and it feels like you're running even though you're sitting

there. So, yeah, probably don't drink any. that much next Christmas. Treat yourself a little better. Hi, everybody. Hi. Dr. P. Jesus, welcome to the half-assed morning show for 93X. Oh, you know, Dr. P. Jesus is here.

Taking some questions from our wonderful listeners, let's try to get a couple more out of the way before you've got to go meet that lady at that hotel. I'm not kidding. She's going to be real anxious. Well, she wants to get paid. Make sense. Stop at the ATM. do. You know what? No one really believes in love anymore, Dr. P. Jesus, they just want to get paid and get out of the car. One of our listeners caught GERD, and we're going to call them GERD Ferguson for the remainder of today's

one of our listeners caught GERD and they said this, can I make it back to a normal life after a GERD diagnosis? Now, I recently heard what this is because a friend of mine, Curtis, caught GERD. This does not sound pleasant, for people who love to eat. Yeah. So do you know what it stands for? No. Would you like me to tell you? I would love it.

Okay. Gastroesophageal reflux disease. Oh, dude. So, I mean, pretty much otherwise known as heartburn. Oh. So it sounded so much worse than that when it was explained to me. Yeah, Gerd. Well, I mean, the thing is it, so it's not like it's really, you know, like he made it sound like he was on his deathbed.

It does sound. I guess I'm just trying to. think like, I mean, it's a, in a way, it's a symptom. I get there are some people who are more susceptible to it. I mean, when we, just the anatomy, we, you know, you take food in, goes down your esophagus. There is no sphincter between your esophagus and your stomach. So it just falls right down there. Yeah, there is, there is a junction and it's almost like two, two folds of tissue.

that just sort of are supposed to increase in pressure to keep things in the stomach, but it's, but it can easily be loosened up and things can come back up. So I think some people maybe just anatomically have a looser gastroasophageal junction, or you might have a haital hernia, which some people have probably heard of where normally our diaphragm keeps our stomach down below the level of the chest, but you can basically get some, uh, loosening of that tissue.

so your stomach is riding up into your chest. And people with that are often way more susceptible to essentially, again, having acid come back up into the esophagus and cause symptoms. Are these people incredible burpers? Stupid question. Yeah. Don't know about that. So there's typically a lot of lifestyle things that play into it. So how much alcohol you drink, how much caffeine you drink, what you eat.

Could a side effect be being in? incredibly handsome because that would be Curtis's side effect. Really? They used to be. I don't think of them as related, but I will, I'll ponder that for next time I'm here. But yeah, it's really annoying. But again, it's usually not something where I guess I'm just trying to think of, like, other conditions. It's just a thing where you can never eat chicken wings or pizza for the rest of your life.

No, it doesn't mean that. I mean, it means you may need to alter a little bit how you're eating and drinking, but there's medications that can help too. There's lots of medications. You know, there's over-the-counter things. Well, actually, pretty much everything's over-the-counter. Zantak is sort of the classic one. Yeah, I mean, there's even Tums. Tom's, okay.

Not the real Jesus that he takes cinnamon capsules, which reduces the asset. Oh, wow. I heard about another medication that'll take Gerd away. It's called Gerd Burglar. Anyway, so yeah, it's often a lifestyle thing and a condition. Some people do have it, though, where no matter what they do, they're miserable and I mean that's not very

common but it does happen and people may change their diet they're doing everything right they're using the medications and they still have terrible problems I mean there's there's surgeries that can be done to basically basically almost

not really tie a knot but sort of basically a Nissen fund application it's called but damn good surgery try to keep that acid from coming up in the esophagus. So there are definitely things that can be done, but most people can kind of get life back to normal. Nick, usually the belching isn't that great

because it's like, at least with my experience, with acid reflux, it's dangerous because that can just turn into throwing up a little bit. Oh, my God. Beer and pizza, she just said she slipped down the stairs Friday, fell directly on her back. Oh, no. Her upper chest still hurts. It's coughing, laughing, and stretching.

Is there a way to heal it faster, or is this a waiting game? Her upper chest. Say what she has pain with again? Well, she said her upper chest, but she fell on her back. But did you say what she does that makes it hurt more? Coughing, laughing, and stretching. Okay. I mean, she could have broken a rib.

Who hell does that third one? Yeah. Hmm. And do you know how old she is? Do you know her? I mean, I've met her before. I don't know, 30s? She's not 75.

She's very attractive. Okay. But sometimes people 75 are. But so we'll assume she's younger. But yeah, I guess I would think of a rib injury if you're having that kind of symptom. I mean, obviously falling down the stairs, you can get quite hurt. I mean, you can have a compression fracture of your spine, which could also cause a lot of symptoms. I mean, if in doubt, go in and be seen.

That's the moral of this segment always. But, yeah, I would think that would be the most likely thing. I mean, if you're short a breath or anything concerning like that, then you definitely want to go be seen. You might have just knocked a living hell out of yourself. I mean, if you have a fractured rib and you can get a pneumothorax and collapse your lung, then you really would be having some problems. Yeah.

So she land on any of her beer or her pizza? Yeah. Poor gal. Yeah. Well, we got to pull the plug here, son. Okay. But we always appreciate it. Yeah, yeah.

I wish I could help resurrect you guys back to normal life, but hopefully two weeks from now. Jesus. We'll all be feeling fantastic. If I'm still coughing on you in two weeks, just give me the old... Cavorkian? Yeah. Give me the old night night shot. I will take one cavorkian.

Like Megan Marie took all those years ago. Give me the night night shot. Right, right. You bastard you. You probably would when I wasn't looking. Well, if that's what you asked for. Thank you, Dr. P. Good to see you.

Good to see you. Tatted Mama Jesus, text in a happy eighth anniversary to her sexy man meet Mike Jesus. Robert Text to wish his dad a happy birthday. Happy belated 48th to former radio guide Jesus from vertically challenged Jesus. Happy birthday to Remy Lou, who turned the big 08 yesterday. and Gavin turning 15 today from insulation hauling Jesus. And this person says, can I get a shout out for my Amish brother Jacobi and Tuggy One

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