93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Shreking Your Brains Out

Episode Date: October 6, 2026

Originally Aired October 6, 2026: Teenage Mutant Ninja Jackass. Who's cooking borscht in here? Everything you've ever wanted to know about searching for your father's remains inside of a whale stomach.  Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys blow the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standardheating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93X and save a big double nickel. Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay.

All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up. The 93x half-assed morning show. 90.

93. We're up and running. We are up and running as best we can. Damn, 9 a.m. seems so far away right now, doesn't it, Josh? It can sometimes. 9 a.m. feels like it's a thousand years. Welcome to the half-assed morning show as we blindly wander our way into a Tuesday broadcast. Again, I don't know if these are just symptoms that I'm having a mild stroke,

but once again today, it smells like mold on toast here in the building. Well, Ashley, I think has toast. I had a bagel, a bagel with cream cheese. It smells like someone lightly toasted an old pair of tennis shoes and then sauteed them in a hockey bag. But like I said, I could be having a medical emergency. It could just be my upper lip. I don't. Yeah, I haven't noticed that yet.

It's falling apart, finally, around here. I think the building is finally coming apart at the seams. And we'll be broadcasting outdoors soon enough. Cobby, you follow all the latest movie releases and album releases. A little bit, yeah. And there's a dirty joke in there somewhere as involving the word release, but I can't find it in the moment. Is this the liquor talking?

Is there a gas leak in my home maybe? Did I see an advertisement on television for a movie where somebody is swallowed by a whale and then they spend the bulk of the movie fighting their way out of the whale? Is that a whale fall? I know there's a movie with whale in it. I swear to God I think it was I think that's whale fall

Okay And this wasn't a situation Where I sat through the entire trailer I just was changing channels And I swear to God for five seconds I saw this Played out in front of me That's got to be the movie

Because I think that comes out maybe next week Or within the next couple weeks That's what it looks like It has a it's with Josh Brolin or whatever? Brod-Haw. Don't you like that guy? I remember his dad.

I think I know who Josh Bro. Oh, it's got Elizabeth's shoes as well. Oh, today's her birthday. More than one, so more than one individual ends up in the stomach of a whale. So here's what I saw. It appeared that someone is, like I said, swallowed by a whale, and then they spend hours fighting their... Like, I think I saw a character, Elizabeth's shoe or Josh Brolin. I didn't recognize them at the time that maybe they're attempting to fight their way out of the small intestine of the whale with their belt buckle or something like that.

Sweet. There is a movie coming out called Whale Fall. Yeah, I'm watching the trailer right now. Where someone falls into a whale. It looks great. So he's a scuba diver. Oh, no. Swallowed by, oh, boy, I don't like having these two words in the same sentence.

Yeah, I can figure it out already. swallowed by an 80-foot sperm whale. Yeah. Searching for his father's remains. Inside the whale? Yeah, and he only has an hour to escape before his oxygen runs out. No way. So his dad has been eaten by the same whale.

Well, he's looking for his dad. He's not looking for his dad in the ocean or specifically inside the whale. The only information I have is he's looking for his dad. Whether that's the ocean or in a whale, I'm not sure. We have to, as a family, go and see this on day one. It looks so good. October 16th, it comes out. So 10 days from now.

Hey, look, I'm fairly certain my dad was eaten by a whale. So this is what he says to his boss. I'm going to need a couple weeks off because what I'm going to do is I'm going to go find that whale. I'm going to intentionally get swallowed by it so I can find the rotting remains of my dead father inside this whale. I need to get him back. I'm going to jump right in. I love my dad, but there are lengths that I wouldn't go to to rescue him, and one of them is getting swallowed by a sperm whale.

Right. Being inside this whale, again, he's explaining this to his boss, and his boss is looking around like, am I on crack? While I'm inside the whale, I know I'll be fighting against, you know, the natural stomach acids. Right. But I'm going to, I got to do this. So if he can give me a couple weeks off,

Donnie said he'd fill in for me if he need someone to. His dad was in there. We got to go see this. What's that? What if his dad was in there and didn't want to be rescued? He's just got a big, long beard. He really made a house out of it. Strung up some Christmas lights.

He's got a little fire going. This is my home now, son. He was, yeah, dad wanted to escape society. And now I don't want you here I didn't want you to come look for me This is what I wanted to be I wanted to live inside the butthole of a whale All by myself

Your welcome What a wasted trip that would be for his son If he finds dad like you explained Josh Completely content I'd be pretty frustrated with my father Naked living inside of a whale Just you know He picks up scraps off the

The floor of the whale's stomach And that's what dad lives off of Yeah. This is the most interesting movie plot of the last, I'm going to go with 35 years. I just think of the person that came up with this. It's just sitting in their bedroom or whatever. You're welcome. We got to hit this pig.

Apparently it was a bestselling novel too, so somebody came up the idea for the book first, which is crazy. Well, you know what? The story sort of sounds familiar. Because of Moby Dick? That could be. That could be. It wasn't that long ago I watched that Moby Dick movie. I forgot what it's called.

It's a popular actor now. You guys know him, and he plays a captain. You guys know what I'm talking about. There's a title to the movie, I promise you that. But it wasn't that long ago I watched that Moby Dick movie. I mean, Pinocchio. What about? That's the ferocious sperm whale in it.

Monstero. I'm sorry, what? Pinocchio. Pinocchio the lying kid? That's right. I didn't know there was a wiserousous. whale on the roster there. Me either.

He follows the gang when they're out there on their boat. Pinocchio? I don't think I've ever seen Pinocchio. I think I just know that his nose grows. Yeah. I don't know the story. I guess now I'm realizing I don't know Dick Tracy about the story of Pinocchio. What the hell was that modern day, modern day?

In the heart of the sea? That's it. The modern day Moby Dick movie, I don't know, maybe 10, 15, 20 years ago. That's an enjoyable movie. Yeah, because it has a... One of Josh's Chris is Chris Hemsworth. Hemsworth, that's the guy. So, yeah, the whole story does sound familiar.

Is this an old biblical story or? Yeah, I don't know. I'm fascinated by the- I looked at the Wikipedia page. I didn't even see anything about it being a book. I'm frigging drawn to this. I mean, I love a simple plot, and it doesn't get much simpler than that. I'm going to dive my way inside a whale and look for my dad.

I'm going to find him where I'm not going to find them. So the book that Dana was referring to, it just came out three years ago. So they were excited to make this movie. That's a quick turnaround right there. Wow, this is. There is a famous story of somebody named James Bartley, who between, let's see, like the 1900s, I guess. He was swallowed whole by a sperm whale. Yeah.

He was found living days later in the stomach of the whale. So there's precedent. So maybe that's what it's based off of? That could be why the story sounds familiar. Maybe I had heard that story before. Well, people were texting in on Jonah and the Whale, but I didn't think this was a biblical-style movie, sure. Okay, I don't know Jonah and the Whale,

but that is truly fascinating. And then we got folks who know the story of Pinocchio, much better than I do. Pinocchio. It was in here somewhere. Someone said something about you. They elaborated further on. Johnny Jesus texted in

in the story of Pinocchio. He and his old man and a cat get eaten by a whale. Is that all true, Josh? So now, yeah, that's how I remember it. So now people are saying this book is based off a guy who claimed to be swallowed a few years back.

A few years? only a few years, not hundreds of years. Well, we're going to find out, because I'm buying. We're going to see this stinking movie on day one. Duck butter, Jesus texted in to say, read your Bibles, you heathens. To me, to me it seemed different. Okay, I hear what you're saying.

I don't know the Bible. I don't. That came to mind. Tell us another interesting story from the Bible, Josh. Well, did you hear about this guy? He passed away three days later came back. That story I'm familiar, but there's plenty of other little side gimmicks in there, right? I thought that was pretty sweet.

Oh, no, truly a fascinating story. Yeah, you're mentioning the plight of one Jesus Christ. That's the guy. Yeah. So there you go. One more time, it's called Whale Fall. Whalefall. We're going to see some cool previews, I'm sure, when we sit down to watch.

Oh, I bet. The last time I demanded anybody watch a movie with me. Demanded. I don't know if this ended up in the theaters, and this is probably 20 years ago. I was watching television and I saw an ad for a movie called Ninja Assassin. And I demanded that all of my friends, it looks so interesting to me. And talk about a cool title, Ninja Assassin, right? And I demanded that my friends come over to my house to watch Ninja Assassin.

I sent out like one of those big mass text messages. I said, I'm having a party. There's a movie called Ninja Assassin. I expect all he is at my house. by 8 o'clock Saturday, one guy showed up. Ah, I would have showed up. Thank you, Ashley. Only one of my friends, Josh, was interested in watching Ninja Assassin.

I mean, those are two cool worlds. Two cool words on their own. Exactly. And it combined. It's almost too much. I bet that's why they didn't show. That was a long time ago. They couldn't handle Ninja Assassin.

Oh, all right. What else is going on around here? Um, oh, speaking of movies. Uh, never saw it. But Shrek, there's a new hip, I don't know, I guess I'd call it a dating trend. Stupid day. I don't know how to speak this language, but Shrek is being honored with this new dating trend. If you are Shrekking someone, Josh, tell me if this is new or if this is, you know, everyone knows this already.

if you are Shrekking someone, you're intentionally dating someone uglier than you, so they appreciate you more. Didn't we just have a similar conversation recently? Yeah, there's one similar to this. What were we talking about the other day about, oh, you were talking about hanging out with that good-looking guy so he might get you some action, right? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, no, I was saying that that was kind of a bonus, as we found out going out with him is that all these girls would swarm to him. Right.

And then sometimes somebody would pick up a fallout. Right. That's a new term, though. I've never heard that. I'm sad, though, because I thought you were going to tell me there's a new Shrek movie. You got Ashley's hopes up. Yeah, dude, I was so pumped. I mean, this is cool, too, I guess.

Shrekking. Shreking is intentionally dating someone uglier than you, so they appreciate you more. It's messed up. So I read an article saying sometimes you're not even really attracted to them. You just want that feeling of being wanted and not worry that they're going to step out on you. I know somebody who did that. Talk to me. Who was cheated on so many times.

She decided she was going to date kind of nerdy or ugly guys because she didn't want to get cheated on anymore and thought the odds would be against the person cheating on her. Hilarious. Oh, man. As far as I know. The dude involved had no idea that he was not. Nothing more than like a character, you know. He just thought, hey, that's great, I got a girlfriend.

So they still are a couple? No, that was kind of her dating strategy. She went on and got married. But for a while, that's what she decided to do with a couple of boyfriends. That feeling you realize you've been Shrekked multiple times in your life. Yeah, I remember watching a guy get Shrek at his way. That was you, Dana. Ah, dang it.

And you were kind of built like Shrek. Yeah, it was. still am. This gal you knew. She got cheated on multiple times. Multiple times. And finally she told herself, look, I'm not going to go through this again.

I'm going to date just a complete nerd, unattractive, unappealing dork. So I know he's never going to take a walk on me. Yes. And that was actually, she's been married a couple times. Her first husband, that was the case. but it just didn't work out because it was a guy she wasn't interested in. Did the nerd ever figure out what role he was playing in that relationship?

Boy, I'll have to ask her, I don't know. She just told me that strategy because people would ask her all the time, like, why are you with that guy? He's such a douchebag. He's not like hot. He's not rich. You know, there's nothing that you'd say, okay, I'll put up with all this other stuff because he's got these things going for him.

Did I know her? Yep. Oh, really? Yeah. You know what you got to do. What's that? You got to write the name down. Okay.

Ah, man. Yeah, so, you know, that's all you pretty much need to know about that. So if you're hanging around with these young people who, you know, they swear by all these trendy new things, if you hear a 20-year-old say, oh, he's getting Shrek, you'll know what they're saying. That's pretty mean, though. Oh, very mean. Yeah, that's definitely mean. I've been

Can I read No no no no no no no she would not like that I've been in situations where I kind of wondered if I was being Shreked You have? Yeah Definitely tell us about it I remember the gal I dated that looked like Jessica Simpson

Yeah that made no sense No it didn't That relationship made no sense whatsoever You were being used in some bizarre way Have you always been as nice as you are though? It was probably... No, I'm a bad boy to this day. What was the question for Josh?

I asked if he has always been as nice, like as he is now. Well, no, a couple days ago, remember he told us that between kindergarten and fifth grade, he got in a lot of... Do you know what you're dealing with? I forgot about that. I got in a lot of fights between kindergarten and fifth grade. A few days ago, he told us between kindergarten and fourth grade, he got into a lot of violent fist fights. So, no, he wasn't always...

I couldn't take a joke back then. The kind-hearted little... Kabinsky that you see. So, yeah, I do remember your Jessica Simpson looking girlfriend. She was a straight up missile. She was hot to the touch even. I know. Everything about her. You were being used in some really bizarre way. And I knew that at the time. It didn't make any sense. It didn't last long at all. No, it was maybe, well, it was almost a year. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, I would have said like a week and a half. But anyway. But she came with some benefits, too. She was

the manager. She wanted some concert tickets. That's my guess. It was concert ticket. She was the manager of a sex shop? Nope. No, no, no. She was the manager of a group of ninja assassins? No. Would that be a sensei? Who would manage a group of ninja assassins?

I'll have to get back to you on that. Should she manage a Baker's Square? Nope. Oh, that would be cool. Dang it. That'd be your dream. Three strikes and I'm out. No, I promise I'll tell you. She was the manager. I kind of want to guess. Okay, go ahead.

She was the manager of the Seattle Mariners. Um. I feel like that would have came up. Josh dated, the first female male MLB manager of all time. That would have been incredible. Yeah, I could have lied about that, but you can easily Google that and found out, I'm a liar. You could have hung out with Ken Griffey and Jay Buehner. And maybe Harold.

Reynolds. Come on. Name some more Seattle. Go ahead. She was the manager of my apartment building. Oh. So I got this special coin where I could get free laundry, which I thought was pretty sweet back in 1998.

You really dated her for almost a year? Yeah, a little over a year. I only saw her once, but maybe we didn't spend that much time together back then. Did she take the coin back? Well, we moved, so I didn't need the coin anymore. she's the one well maybe I shouldn't say too much she got a little goofy

yeah yeah he was nuts yeah a little nuts yeah yeah that didn't make any sense at all no shrecht I was shrecht I was shrecht before that was the thing

I don't know maybe we've all been used lied to misled cool and the gang's got a great old song from back in the day called misled

Looked that one up when you have some time. Cooling the gang. Misled. Oh, well, here's a guy who texted in to say, I knew a girl that didn't want to date guys that were too good looking, so they wouldn't cheat on her. Okay, yeah. The dude goes on to say, yet she had five boyfriends.

Oh. So all of them were being shrek at the same time, being used, however you want to say it, at the same time. huh? That's tough to keep up with. Five is a lot. Yeah. Yeah, it is. During my horridays where I dated a couple of lucky ladies at the

same time, that was too much for me. I hated that. Wait, did I already tell her this story? Did we do this together? Oh, right. Oh, sure. You have to keep up with all your lies. That was the hardest. Well, not lies, but just, yeah, stories.

Yeah, if you're trying to keep multiple partners happy and unaware of each other yeah you better keep a a note pad because you'll end up saying something and they'll say no that wasn't this that

you know what I'm saying the worst is when I would forget to save numbers I hated when I did that I'm sorry what happened I would forget to save people's numbers I just I don't know what was wrong with me they'd give me their number and then I would just not put it in my like I wouldn't save

the contact name to the number. I don't know what was wrong with me. So then I would struggle with that every time. I'm sorry to hear that. You're like four days into a conversation. You're like... You didn't know who it was? What's your name again?

Oh, I had the same thing, Ashley, where when I was single, I'd meet somebody and I'd put them in my phone. I wouldn't remember their name, so I'd just put them in as Stella's blonde, you know, because I met her at the bar of Stella's. And then try to piece together like what her name was.

The worst. So we were talking about this silly new slogan, Shrekking, and it means you date somebody less attractive than you, so they appreciate you more. Okay. Mike, a listener named Mike, has texted in. Give yourself a Jesus name. Everyone's doing it, Mike.

Because otherwise, Ashley's not going to put you in our, phone and we're not going to know who he are he texted in to say this is nothing new and i'm sure it isn't i mean shrek shrek shrekking whatever you want to call it yeah i'm sure it's been around for a while it has a catchy new name but sure no we're not no one's breaking any new ground but mike says there's actually an old song about it um where the singer says if you want to be happy for the rest of your life make an ugly woman your wife you marry an ugly woman you marry an ugly wife. So you know the song? Yeah. Who's that?

I'm looking it up right now. Oh. And he says, an old song. How old are we talking? Artist by the name of Jimmy Soul, 1962. I wonder if you played me the whole thing if I would recognize that pig. So I miss quote of the lyrics. It looks like it goes, if you want to be happy, if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. So for my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you. You know, I like to listen to, I like to listen to old, well, older, like songs of the year.

I'll try to go online and find like the top 40, sometimes I even go top 100 songs of 1979. Usually, Josh, my wheelhouse is about 75 to 90. I know sometimes like after the show when you're playing music, it'll be whatever year it is. You'll kind of go through some of those playlists. After the show, Josh and I, I'll often fire up my cell phone and we'll just, we'll get our work done while we listen to old songs. So, yeah, 75 to 90 is pretty much my wheelhouse. That's where I love that music. So it wasn't that long ago.

I was listening to like the top 100 songs from, I'm going to take a guess, it was late 70s. And there was a song from some dude. I mean, unbelievable what you used to be able to say in a song. The basis of the song is, was this guy complaining about how he, he went dancing and he danced with a big, big

woman, and she knocked the hell out of him and he'll never do that again. It was like, I ain't, like in parentheses, you know how they do it, Josh? Like, I ain't going to be dancing no more with a big, big woman. Something like that. And I'm listening to this song

from 1978 and I'm thinking, boy, this is one insensitive bastard right here. What in the? Times have changed. Although you can say some pretty gross stuff in songs still. I mean, Wop being an excellent example. That particular one. I got to look that up.

It was like, I'm not dancing. No more dancing with no big, big woman. Wildman Moose Jesus said his uncle used to tell him to pick up an ugly one so his buddies wouldn't try and bang her while he was at work. We're going to leave her alone. Yeah, the sense. sensitivity is off the charge. I got to look this up for you.

God, dang. All right, there you go. I suppose we can get headed in the right direction. Anything on your mind, Josh? No. So far, so good. I'm a little grossed out from the episode of South Park last night. Oh, no.

They did a lot of Dr. Pimple Popper. Oh. And I shouldn't say a lot. They did some. I know I thought of you, Ashley, because I know you like that. Yeah, I do. And then they had a bunch of characters which were peanuts. that with like four skin, like a penis on television.

That got to be a little much too. I haven't seen any of the New South Park. I keep forgetting. Haven't watched it in years. I watched the e-bike episode. That was pretty funny. That was pretty good. So you enjoyed yourself, but you were a little gross.

There was a couple parts that were funny, but I had to turn away on some of that stuff. It was kind of nasty. All right. The Godless Internet has straightened me out. A character by the name of Joe Tex in 1976. Had a hit single called Ain't Dance with No Big Woman. Joe Tex. They call it here on Wikipedia a funky comedic dance song

that blends playful lyrics with a subtle social message. Check that one out. So I got two songs you got to listen to today. Subtle. You got to listen to Misled by Cool and the Gang and Ain't Dance with No Big Woman by Joe Tex. There's another song he's got, unless this is the same one with a different name,

called Ain't Gonna Bump No More, and then it has those parentheses, like you said, with no big fat women. See, that's the same song. Yeah, so it has two different titles. It sounds, I guess, this is the first I've had to look it up. You know, like I said, I heard it, you know, a couple weeks ago. That's the same song.

Just you reading that out loud. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. This song is... I'm kind of surprised more people that haven't heard of it. It was number 25 in West Germany in 1977. Well, I mean, no, no. It was a top 40 single here in the U.S.

That's how I heard it. I was listening to the top songs of 1970. Obviously, now that I've looked it up, I was listening to the top songs of 1976. It was a top 40 hit. She heard his hip. Number 12 on the Billboard Hot 100. Number seven on the Hot Souls singles.

Those are both U.S. numbers. I wonder whatever happened to Joe Tex. Oh, he's dead. The highest it charted in Australia at number two, the UK at number two. That was popular. It was like an early version of Baby Got Back or an early version of all those big butt songs

that came out in the 90s, right? More or less, I mean, with different, with varying... Just kind of more mean? Yeah, with different levels of Different levels of sensitivity or insensitivity in the lyrics In the 90s, every other song I saw on MTV was about a big fat ass Joe texts, a guy who sang that song about how he is committed To no longer dance with larger women.

He died in 1982. Only 47. I wonder if he got into the crack rocks or something. But anyway, that was his last single was, I'm done smoking these crack rocks. He had one more message, Josh. That's good advice. And that was about the dangers of crack cocaine in a rock form. Oh, yeah, he did die from drugs, it looks like.

Oh, my God, no. Oh, wait, hold on a second. He was found in the bottom of a swimming pool. Oh, no. My goodness. Dang. Crazy. Yeah, it says most of his life, he had.

no issues with drug or alcohol, but then he had some problems towards the end of his life. Which, you know, can happen. Wait, so he's found in the bottom of a swimming pool, revived at the hospital and sent home, and then just a few days later, five days after his 47th birthday, he died of a heart attack. Son of a bitch. My goodness. The dark yet incredible existence of Joe Tex here on the half-ass morning show. All right, let's get going again.

we got this and that to cover. Stupid news will be our next little hurdle. It's a Tuesday morning and we dig your vibe. Come on back here in a few minutes. We'll be right back. Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning

because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys below the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standardheating.com today. and book that tune-up. Mention 93X and save a big double nickel. Yeah, $55 off the price of those commenters would have to pay.

All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees. Maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 363-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

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Well, we covered a few things already. We got to rapping about music. I listened to older music. And what I mean by that specifically is my wheelhouse is about 1975 to 1990. That's where I go. There are some exceptions. Iron Maiden and some other bands like that, I'll listen to anything that they release. But popular music in general, 75 to 90.

that's just what I love. I was talking about that earlier, and a listener sent this in via the text machine, 651-551-193, the Luther-Bloomington Kia text line, don't you know? A listener said there's some kind of a game out there called hipster, and it plays you 15 seconds of a song, and you have to guess the year it was released. Not the band, not the song.

Well, I don't know if that's perfect for anybody. that's difficult the year. I mean, in some cases, in some cases when you listen to a song, you know, the way technology has advanced, you know, I mean, let's just be honest, a song from the early 60s just couldn't possibly sound as good as a song from 1989. You know what I mean? Because of the, Josh would be able to tell you more about that. the developments and how they record music and how they layer music and vocals and the quality of the equipment and all that. I mean, I think I could come close, but that's pretty difficult to ask someone to name the exact year, unless it's one of your favorite songs. What did you call it?

Maybe this is a joke. They call it the game hipster. Because there's a hitster. Oh, maybe that's what they mean. Maybe they... There's also a hipster game, but that looks to be different. Okay. They probably misprinted or what do they call that voice to text.

Yeah, I'm sure that's what it was auto-correct. Hitster. I'd like to try that sometime. 15 seconds of a song. I think I could whoop a llama's ass. There's YouTube videos. When it comes to naming the band or the name of the song, but the year could be iffy.

There's plenty of YouTube videos that do that. They'll have like a few seconds of the song and then you pause it in gas. or sometimes they'll build in a pause, right? You've got five seconds to get it. There's some games for your Apple TV that are similar. I'd like to try all of that. You know, did you guys know that name that tune is back on television? Yeah.

Is it with Jimmy Fallon? Is that the one? I don't know who was hosting it, but I, and maybe it's been on for decades. Maybe it never left. I had forgotten all about named that tune, but I caught it on my television the other night. John Stamos hosted or Rob Lowe or something.

The one I've seen is hosted by Jamie Fox and it's called Beach Shazam. Now this was legitimately named that tune like from 50 years ago. Gotcha. Yeah, it looks like it's the woman from one of the women from 30 Rock, the blonde, who plays kind of a dummy. Oh, love her. I forgot her name. Oh, the one who was in vacation. The one who, the one who.

Jane Krikowski? Yes. That's the one who played cousin Vicky in vacation. I believe, the one who had that shoebox for the weed. Anyway, I did not know that name that tune was a current television show. But Josh, the other night, I turned it on. And had I been on the show that night, I would have won $15 million or something along. I would have won the game.

We should get you on there. I'd love to be on that television show. A matter of fact, I think it was like a celebrity edition. Maybe that's how they always do it. But it was, oh, it was ice. T against another celebrity. But it was...

Oh yeah, it's a celebrity-focused format. Is it? I know. Ice tea was taking... Oh, it was Ice-T against Tony Hawk, Josh, to be specific. I don't see Tony Hawk is a big... He didn't do very well. Ice-T beat the piss out of him. But it wasn't that difficult. Had I been going against ice tea, I would have kicked his ass. All right. Other things we've covered this morning, we learned a new term.

It's called Shrekking. And apparently if you ask the young people, Shrekking is when you intentionally date someone less attractive than you, so they appreciate you more. What kind of evil, twisted, self-absorbed? Anyway, Mikey two milks Jesus, texted in. And he said, I'm pretty sure a couple girls have tried Shrekking me, but the joke's on them. You want to know why? He says, because I'd be cheating.

Another listener said, Shreking kind of sounds like shorthing. and according to this listener, that's where girls date guys shorter than them because shorter guys try harder. I've heard that not just as far as the size goes, but just back to somebody's looks or whatever, that they try harder. Yeah, yeah. I've heard people say that. Have your girlfriends talked about this, Ashley, dating?

No. Especially in bed. Do you know anything about shorter guys trying harder? Yeah, that's true. They do? They definitely do. Shorter guys, they're a bunch of try-hards? No, in a good way, though.

Do shorter guys try harder in the sack? Yeah. They're just pumping back and forth like a sewing machine. Yeah. They usually are like really in the, I guess, third base, like giving it out. That's what I've heard. Oral, from people that are less attractive in the relationship, they're more passionate about it. Shorter guys.

They feel like they have to be. Love oral sex? Yeah. Or the uglier of the two in a couple. The uglier of the two loves to provide oral sex. I think that's usually the situation. Now, medical device Jesus, who's very tall, says it's true. I barely even make an effort.

He doesn't need to. He's well over six feet. And finally, before we move on to the Stupid News Report, the first subject that we discussed this morning, I am absolutely fascinated by. I watched seven seconds of a movie trailer the other night, and I thought, did I just smoke meth? What did I just see?

I brought it up to you guys. You confirmed it's a real movie that's going to be released in a week or so. In the ad, I saw a character get swallowed by a whale, and then has to fight his way out of the whale. The character is trying everything that he can to avoid becoming whale poop. Somehow he ends up on the inside of a whale, and he has to get out. It's a real thing. It's a movie coming out called Whale Fall, and I'm going on opening night.

Dana looked it up. He said it stars. Josh Brolin and Jimmy Walker or something. I can't remember. Elizabeth Shoe. This is funny. A listener taxied in to say this whale tale movie. What do we call it?

Whalefall. Whaleful. Alistler said, this movie sounds right up Jason Statham's Alley. It does. Yeah. But it's not. It's Jimmy Walker and Josh Brolin.

He's one of my favorites. Maybe he's busy. Who, Jason Stathom? Yeah. Well, he does make a lot of movies. I saw Meg and Meg, too. I think those were good. He doubled up, huh?

Huh? He saw both the Meg movies. Oh, yeah. Those weren't bad. I mean, it's ridiculous, but they were fun, yeah. Yeah, I saw the first one. So there you go. Whalefall, you guys, look it up.

I wasn't making up that plot. Josh looked further into the plot, and he said, in the movie, apparently one of the two stars, Jimmy Walker or Josh Brolin. Their dad is swallowed and killed by a whale. And so they intentionally dive inside the whale to find the remains of their dad. Well, I said he just looked, he's looking for his dad. I don't know if his dad was consumed by the whale or they assumed it.

If he just got, Josh Brolin just gets eaten up by this whale and his search. I'm going to assume that. I'm going to go with him trying to find him. find the remains. So he hunted the whale? That sounds like a more fun movie. He wants to find the bones, the remains of his... All right, here we go with today's report. We all remember the old days where a go-fund-me type of thing was for people who really needed help, right? They're sick, they're broke, they're starving.

No fault of their own. You know, it was just something that kind of happened versus now somebody's like, ah, I got this 10 speeding tickets in a row. I could really use your help. Right. Things that they couldn't control. Like damn near everything else social media has ever created,

GoFundMe's have been turned into garbage. Nowadays, the GoFundMe gimmick is more or less half people who seriously need help. and half derelict pissbags looking for a money grab. An Iowijian high school teacher has lost her gig for offering students extra credit if they gave her some cash so she and her ass hat husband could go on some cockamamie trip to Ecuador, wherever that is. Stephanie is the name of this Iwoean

former high school teacher. She allegedly said that the cash would be used to pay for transportation, including flights, buses, and boats, food, and hotel accommodations. Now, I think she was selling this as some type of a peace corps type operation. She'd be going out there to help

kids learned to read and this and that. And maybe that was all true, but I doubt it. The high school, where she was a working, canned her for violating something called their ethics policy. Pretty stupid. Yeah. That's another one of those where I don't understand how she couldn't anticipate this coming. Just no brain at all. There's nothing going on between her ears.

Not realizing how stupid that was. Right. The fun part here, she was looking to raise $1,800. The kids weren't interested. By the time she got gassed, she had only collected around $140.40. That's pretty funny. You moron. Where some people get the balls, Josh.

Yeah, what is it? It's a combination of balls and just being a total moron. Where do some people? Get the balls to just up and ask folks for money for no damn good reason. The one that grabbed me from a number of years ago, this is when GoFund me started to fall apart, you know, the derelicts found out, oh, I can present to strangers. I can present to them a problem that I have,

and there's a chance they'll give me money. the one that grabbed me was some idiot 19 year old gal who said something like, you know, my boyfriend and I have never been on a real vacation. Oh, yeah? So what? There are some people who never go on a vacation. That's life. Did they get the money?

Last I read, what's your name again? Ashley? I remember reading that they had made Jack Squad. And more than anything, people were just replying to them on GoFundMe saying, this isn't a real problem. Grow up. Get a job. Dude, we're having trouble affording groceries. I think you can avoid Milan for a little bit. You know, my boyfriend, the two of us have never been on a real vacation.

Now, you're not following how this works, stupid. All right, you want to talk about a close call. I got something for your right here. A gal over there in Kansas, she went and jumped smooth off a highway overpass. She did. Down she goes, Cubby. 70 feet down. Oh, splat.

And by the grace of God, she lived. Naturally, some of years are wondering, well, why in the hell did she go ahead and jump off a damn bridge? Overpass. Whatever. The easy answer is, the true answer is she had no choice. Here's the friggin' story for you. Here's this gal by the name of Kyra. 21 years old, she's a college student. So see if you can follow this because it's a lot.

Part one of this nightmare is Kyra got into a little car wreck on that overpass. So you know how it goes. The two parties involved in the crash got out their vehicles to inspect the damage and whatnot. You exchange insurance. So while Kyra and the other driver were a stand in there, up and out of nowhere's another car that was trying to get clear of their wreck,

it swerved and came a screaming right at Kyra. So quicker than a hiccup, Kyra had to decide, do I deep throat the hood ornament of this here high-speed oncoming motor vehicle and surely get killed? Or do I take my chances by doing a double gainer off the friggin' overpass and hope for the best? She chose to do the gainer. Maybe there's going to be a trash truck underneath, like the movies. In the movies, that's how it would go. You're right. Or a semi.

Carrying mattresses. Right. I can't imagine having that split second to decide more or less how I'm going to die. My brain would just fail. Probably just freeze. Do I get crushed by this oncoming motor vehicle? Or do I hop over the side of the bridge? She did the hopping.

And she lived. It ain't pretty. Kyra was broken into a thousand pieces, but she's alive in a hospital with the doctors and the nurses trying to paste her back together again. Oh, and by the way, Kyra boyfriend was also driving on the bridge

at the time in his ride. So he got to watch his girlfriend hop off that overpass into the Great Unknown. I can't even imagine. He must have thought she was deader than did. Yeah. That'd be one of those where you'd have to steal yourself before you looked over the edge to see what was left of her, I'd imagine. Is that my girlfriend standing on the... Hell, the local fire department had to gas up the rescue helicopter to drag Kyra out from under that bridge and get her to the hospital as fast as they could.

Now, Kyra has a GoFundMe campaign happening. And I'm in full approval of this one. She deserves that money. Lots of friends and coworkers have been stopping by the hospital to help cheer her up. Her boyfriend, who again had to watch her fall off that bridge, he has stopped by to introduce Kyra to the new gal he's dating. Man, bogus. Says here, I'm kidding, of course.

He doesn't have a new girlfriend. but I thought it would sound cold-blooded and humorous. Yes? He could begin some of that sympathy action. I'm so sorry you had to witness something like that. That's got to be so difficult. And then they go down on it. It says here, college kids are smooth falling from the sky these days.

Now check this one out. A day or two ago, a 21-year-old kid going to the University of Georgia, 21-year-old gal, she fell right on out the window of her eighth-floor apartment. Again, you'd assume dead. Yeah. Folks say that she was, quote,

dancing on a couch or an air mattress. No. Just having a good time? It was a couch or an air mattress. Nobody's decided which just yet. She's inside her apartment, dancing her ass off. I'm going to go with couch.

Dancing on a couch. she got a little sideways. She was reportedly near an open window, and by God, there she went. Man. She fell through the screen and down onto the parking lot. Oh, that's so scary. That gal also got pretty well mangled. But she's getting better.

She lived. She's in the hospital. She's feeling a little bit better every day. Yeah, this sounds like final destination stuff right there. Definitely. Eight floors. I'd watch my step from that point on if I lived from that. That's one of those where you can scream, take in a big breath, scream again, and then hit the ground.

I can't even imagine. I bet she was falling in slow motion and she's just falling into the screen. I've heard a few horror stories about college kids coming off the, you know, the fourth-story little party deck at their apartment and whatnot. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. I can't believe we didn't lose anybody off the side of, you know, when we were living up in St. Cloud, one of our biggest party spots, before we had the means to get a house together, you know, you get some garbage apartment. Yep. And one of our biggest party spots for one year was this little dirty apartment, but it had a deck.

Is that the proper, a balcony? What should I call it? Yeah, balcony. Yeah, I got lost there. Not a deck because that leads you to believe that it's on the ground. A balcony is the word I should have been going with. It had a balcony, and of course, you know, you're young and wild and you want to hang out on the balcony and scream insults at people walking by.

I can't believe we never lost anybody over the side of that pig. Maybe it's just hotels, but I thought once you reached a certain floor, the window's no longer opened or at least not big enough for somebody to fall out. Yeah, definitely at hotels. Maybe that's just a hotel thing. Yeah, I bet you that certain expensive, you know, better quality apartments probably have that gimmick, Josh,

but in the real cheap places, they don't care if you fall out the window. I'm sure, yeah, if it's built in a certain year. Yeah. Yeah, the deck, the balcony, I got it next time I read a story like this, I'll understand the difference. One of the craziest things I ever saw in high school

was when a bunch of us hit up a house party. One of the biggest we had. I mean, you had people there from every grade. grade and lots of them. And everyone ended up on the deck of this house. And it was elevated about, oh, I don't know, eight, ten feet. You know, you could. There was, I think, like a little patio underneath the deck, right?

And I just remember standing there with my beer in hand with, I don't know how many kids we had on that deck. And suddenly, it was like an episode of Scooby-Doo. you know, or in any cartoon where they're falling, where they kind of hover for a second before they... Suddenly we were just hovering in the air because there was nothing below us. The deck collapsed. Oh, man. Right underneath us.

And we all, I don't know, I'm going to take a guess, like 60 kids, dropped that 10 feet down on top of each other. We just turned that deck into kindling. And then cold-blooded pricks that we were, well, this party's over. And we left. and the gal who was hosting the parties looking around saying well no one's going to help me with this you just tore the deck right off my parents' house

What are you supposed to do? Put it back together? The first thing I thought was oh no, how many people were underneath this damn thing? Luckily there was nobody underneath. Just by sheer luck there was nobody walking around underneath it. Or we would have killed, easily killed them. I remember running into that gal.

I mean, I'm sure there was a conversation the next couple of days at school. I have no memory of that conversation, but I ran into her maybe 10 years ago and brought that up. I said, what the hell? How did you talk your way out of that one when your folks came home from Chicago or whatever, and the deck was

crumbled? Was she still grounded 10 years later? I would assume I still would be. She was kicked out. And now I can't remember her response from 10 years ago either. It's a tough one to explain to the parents. Oh, the deck? Oh, I don't know. I didn't notice. What deck? Yeah, I'd have to pretend I didn't notice him.

I didn't know we had it. Holy cow. That's crazy. Oh, wow, you're right. It did fall down. My goodness. All right. Did everyone get a chance to see the dudes who were driving a couch down the road? I guess there's still photographs of this.

There's no video from what I understand, but there's still photographs. It's on 93x.com. Photos of the couch. Nice. Dudes driving a couch down the road. Yeah. Sounds fun. They were driving a couch.

Boy, does this remind me of the zoo up at Brainerd International Raceway? All the innovative vehicles, if you're a regular or a former regular like myself of Brainerd International Raceway and camping in the zoo for the NHRA final finals, you know exactly what I'm talking about. All the innovative vehicles that the derelicks drive around the campground 24 hours a day. I bet in my lifetime, Josh, I've seen a good two or three hundred couch vehicles up there at the zoo. That's cool. It's a very popular route.

But still my favorite, Josh, is the dude from about 25 years ago who used to drive a toilet around the campus. That was my guy. He took a real deal toilet and he put it on the body of a scooter or something. And he had a little tiny steering. He's sitting on the toilet driving around tiny little wheels. Any bump usually. would knock him off the toilet. But he could get around on his toilet mobile.

Bad ass. If he needed to take a deuce, there he was. So anyways, police in Flare Country. Charlotte, North Carolina. They had to pull over a couple of Jaybrones who were driving a couch down a busy road. And I like how the neighborhood cops came off here. The police reported online about this.

What did they say? They said that they stopped, quote, two gentlemen. That was very nice of them, I think, to refer to the boys as gentlemen. The couch car that they came up with consisted, if you're having trouble picturing this, or you haven't seen

it on 93X.com. The couch mobile consisted of two of those electric lime scooters with a small couch setting on top of them. I didn't realize how easy it was.

So they more or less just plopped a little love seat, is the proper term. They plop the little love seat on top and in between of the two scooters so they could set down on the couch and steer themselves around

instead of having to stand and ride separately. Plus, Josh, double the power, two scooters acting as one. Yeah. You'd have to operate those at the exact same speed. Otherwise, one guy's going to get a concussion. Yeah, I wonder how hard it is to do that.

If the guy on the right gives it too much gas, you're going this, that. So the cops posted about this on that godless and wildly misinformed social media gimmick. They said, wow, we appreciate the creativity. We do have to remind everyone, no matter what you're driving. And they use that term loosely. No matter what you're driving, please think about safety first. The cops didn't mention if the two pimps were ticketed for their hilarious couch car setup. some folks online called it

good old-fashioned American ingenuity. Ingenuity. Yeah, the guy driving the toilet. Anyone know him? Tell him to text me here, 651-551-93. The guy who used to drive the toilet around BIR 25 years ago. I want to know him.

Somebody texted in and says he knows him. He still drives the toilet. Oh, does he? That's great. Roll off Jesus. That's who it is? No, yeah. Roll off Jesus knows the guy. He says he still drives it. Tell him I said word.

Of course, the other fun thing up at BIR, I know it's cold-blooded, but after a while you kind of get sick at touring around the zoo. Okay, let's just, can't we just sit at our campsite for a while, just sit around and drink some beer? And we did. But you still need to entertain yourself. And again, I'm not breaking any new ground for my BIR people. But you dig a hole in that campground track.

and you try to make it subtle. So when folks are approaching on their mini bikes and their four-wheelers and their side-by-sides and their toilet mobiles and their couch mobile, so you got to get out someone, whoever's got a powerful vehicle, get out there and burn the tires and dig a hole. And then you sit and wait for that jabroney on his little scooter

who's going a little bit too fast and he hits that hole and he eats like he's never eating shh. before. Oh my God. We watched so many people just face first, just bashed their nose and they're covered in terms because they're drunk, of course. And they did not see the three

and a half foot deep hole that we just dug with someone's Impala. And you sit there and act like you had nothing to do with it. Oh, are you all right? Oh, God, that looked like. You're missing a couple of teeth there. You following this, cubby? Just like the deck. Same thing. Pretend you didn't see a thing.

Yeah. Ah, you bastards. I got to get up there next summer. Sounds like a lot of fun. Tell that toilet guy that I'm on my way. What are we got to do? What are we doing next? I can't remember. Sports.

On the 93X half-assed morning show. Can't wait to hear what Josh is put together. Well, I can tell you the Falcons. Quite handily beat the Saints on Monday night. I was playing the game besides me. No. No. Yeah, you're on your own on that one.

Anthony Edwards was panced by Milwaukee Guard, Tyler Hero, during the preseason game last night. Anybody see that? I love a good pantsy, but I miss that too. I don't watch practice sports. You know, the Wilder in Buffalo tonight? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. A lot of media outlets are calling the Vikings frauds.

I'm sure you probably saw a bunch of those articles. Oh, God, they've been labeled that, though. I'm going to say somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 times in their existence. And this morning, Minnesota SportsFan.com is reporting the twins are up for sale again. But you know that because you're friends with the poll ads. They're your bro lads. I knew that, yeah, far before the general public did. You did great.

You didn't. You got it nailed. Well, I read all these stories. You know what we're going to talk about at 730? AEW. Rastlin is all set to put a show on a cruise ship. That'll be fun. What could possibly go wrong there?

It's a big day in Vikings history. And the baseball playoff will get to that big day. Yes, it is. Let's not spoil that yet. You want to wait until 730 to announce a set? Of course. Yeah. That's just a tease. it's a huge day. Yeah, it's going to be unbelievable.

We're going to celebrate all day long. Josh spent from the sports report. We'll have to gather himself. His news is coming up next. Well, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning because I know you're looking forward to the show.

Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys below the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standardheating.com today and book that tune up. mention 93x and save a big double nickel.

Yeah, $55 off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees. Maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki.

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Hey, wait a minute. You two look kind of familiar. Ain't you them kids that have been whacking off in my toolshed? 93x half-assed morning show. Passion is crazy. You know what I'm saying? You know, that's sound like a crime of passion. Went down here on this block. Florida woman proved a computer can be a pretty effective relationship management tool by hitting her boyfriend so hard with a laptop during an argument over cheating allegations that she knocked them the F out. The incident occurred Saturday at a waterfront high-rise apartment where Christy Ann Stevens began bickering over allegations of the boyfriend boinking other babes. The boyfriend tried to walk away to diffuse the situation, but Stevens wasn't having it. Before he

had time to Google how to break up with a psychopath without getting clobbered by a Chromebook? She blocked his path and walloped him in the head with the laptop, prompting an immediate system shut down and his lights went out. When he eventually rebooted, he caught Stevens frantically trying to scrub video footage of the incident from his phone. She later informed police she refused to permit her partner to pass until he purged those pertinent posts. She admitted to smacking him with the computer but claimed it was an accident telling investigators she was just pushing the computer toward him to get him to leave and it knocked him out. Cops said they're still trying to determine whether the hard drive to the victim's soft

had caused any permanent scarring or long-term injuries. I could kill a guy. Yeah, I would think so depending on the size of the laptop. Yours is pretty chunky, Ashley. Yeah, and my husband's is like a monster. Yeah, you could knock somebody out. Well, don't piss him off then. I won't. Yeah. Beat me with his laptop.

He'll hit you over ahead with that like his old school ECW show. You'll know where to look. Don't piss him off. In computer-related news, it's inbox zero today, where everyone is supposed to go through their inbox and clear it out. That will. Don't tell me how to live my life. That's doing way too much. Unless it's a ninja turtle, nothing good ever crawls out of a manhole in the middle of

City. Exhibit A, a Wisconsin man who attacked a driver outside of Milwaukee Buck, the Milwaukee Buck Stadium, after witnesses watched him pop out of one. Twenty-one-year-old Alan Dis Tribblet was spotted vandishing, vanishing, excuse me, and climbing out of a venue-adjacent manhole for 30 minutes straight, snarling traffic and delivering nonsensical rants to passers-by. I don't know how he did it, but he got his finger. in there and he pulled it off. He sat on it with his feet hanging in there. Do you guys hear that? He came up from

underground? Yeah, he came up through a manhole, went back down, came back out. Did you guys hear that in the clip? I didn't hear anything. I don't know how he did it, but he got his fingers in there and he pulled it off. He sat on it with his feet hanging in there. Quigmire walked by in the background. Yeah, perfect timing, buddy. So this guy's coming

up and down out the manhole, effing with traffic. Yep. And talking nonsense. Yes, he's ranting towards folks that were walking around. Now done sightseeing below the street. He moved on to pounding on shuttle buses used by a nearby bar and restaurant. He then reportedly stormed up to one of the drivers and politely threatened a killer. What the hell is happening now?

At least he did it politely. The lady needed a hero outside Buck Serena, but unfortunately, Tyler was at basketball practice. and wasn't around to save the day. He goes, who are you calling? And I said, I'm not calling anyone. I'm playing on my phone. Well, you better not call anyone or I'm going to kill you.

Another hero did emerge, although unfortunately, this one was more of an airball than a slam dunk. A second driver, a 63-year-old man, went to check on his colleague and approached Triblit. Triblet asked if he had kids in the back of those vans before lunging, punching the older driver so hard that he struck his head against the shut. and collapsed unconscious. Now he's knocked somebody out, huh? When police showed up, Triblet was reportedly still on a roll, ranting about underground tunnels where they sex traffic kids,

presumably explaining the bizarre question, he asked the driver before knocking him out. He refused to comply with police orders or put his hands behind his back and was only taken into custody once more officers arrived to detain him. The night wasn't done yet, however. the complaint notes he was subsequently taken to a local hospital for evaluation where he bit an officer who escorted him inside. He's currently in custody at the Milwaukee County Jail where he may find a new friend with interest in manholes as well. He was charged with two counts of battery, disorderly conduct, unobstructing or resisting an officer. Give me this guy's full name again?

His full name is Alandis Triblet. That's all I need. Triplett. Yeah. Orlando. Orlando. Oh, Landis. Yeah.

Orlando triblit. A 52-year-old Watertown man is on the run after disappearing into a cornfield over the weekend twice. I love corn. About 4 p.m. Sunday, a Meeker County deputy pulled over a car in Dassel. The man who has multiple drug-related warrants out for his arrest gave the deputy a false name, then husted. straight into a cornfield. I really like cone. He didn't stay for long.

The felon of the corn popped out on the other side where a friend was waiting in a vehicle to harvest him. That was a setup. Deputies caught up and pulled over vehicle number two, but the man took off again right back into the maze of stalks. Yeah, dude. With cobs in hot pursuit. It's cold. It's awesome. Authorities went all in.

They set up a perimeter, set up drones, and called in the Minnesota State Patrol helicopter. still the man had not been found. I hope you very have a cone-tastic day. Police are asking for anyone with information to call the Meeker County Sheriff's Office. Yeah, you're not getting caught a second time. That's a little too close to home for me, Cubby. Too close for you? He's running right around.

On the loose, somewhere. He's still on the loose. Yeah, well, at least has some press time. Maybe they got him at this point. Son of a bitch. Maybe he's just taking the little nap, like head under the corn. He's pretty good, though. Those corn mazes, they get me.

They get me too. I got to cheat. I get lost in those things. I act like it's not stressing me out, but I take it too seriously. It's been a decade since a wave of skin-crawling clown sighting sent a surge of panic across the nation and beyond. Law enforcement agencies were overwhelmed by a non-stop flood of frantic calls, reporting figures and terrifying clown attire, lurking through pitch black parks, prowling along deserted roads and haunting suburban neighborhoods.

This was so dumb. It was. Eerie images went viral overnight across social media. Professional entertainers watched their livelihoods evaporate. Retailers yanked clown masks off store shelves. Ronald McDonald went into hiding. Ashley nearly fled the country altogether. So close.

When the grease paint finally settled, at least a dozen people sat behind bars. And sadly, one person was dead. No one was laughing. The relentless clown panic gripped the public for agonizing weeks. And then as swiftly and mysteriously as the phantom figures appeared, the clowns vanished into thin air. In 10 full years, not a single soul has been able to definitely answer the burning question left in their wake. What the heck was going on? Now a brand new documentary streaming next week on Hulu is taking a stab at it.

Clown panic plunges back into that deeply unsettling period a decade ago. When America collectively lost its funny bone, over a bunch of guys with big red oversized silly shoes. They really made a documentary about this crap. I'm excited. The nightmare kicked off in August of 2016 in Greenville, South Carolina, where rattled residents reported shadowy figures in clown gear actively trying to lure innocent children deep into the woods.

Yet despite a wave of harrowing reports, local deputies were unable to locate a single clown. It's a hoax. It's young people who think it's funny. From that origin point, panic radiated like wildfire across the U.S., even spilling into multiple foreign countries. In Wisconsin, Erie reports began circulating about gags the Green Bay clown. An unsettling figure spotted wandering the dark streets of Green Bay late at night while clutching a bundle of balloons. Local authorities noted at the time, walking the streets in a costume is not technically illegal. In Ohio, a terrified teenage boy reported being chased.

down by a clown brandishing a knife. In Georgia, frightened school children claimed a sinister pack of clowns ambushed and chased them at their morning bus stop, but neither report was ever proven to be true. Yet even when rooted in cruel hoaxes, the clown hysteria wrought devastating real-world damage. Police departments flooded the streets with extra patrols. Three young kids were cuffed and arrested for wearing clown masks. Professional performers suffered huge losses as their industry collapsed overnight, gigs canceled in mass, and seasoned entertainers admitted feeling terrified to step outside their own front doors in costume. Right now, it's not good.

It's sad. It's very sad. A lot of people are losing jobs because of this. A lot of families, this is their livelihood. What the hell got into us there for a while? Why were we so afraid of this? I mean, I never understood it when it was happening. I mean, it's obviously just drunks and kids.

why were we so wrapped up in this? I especially love that 911 audio judge. All a part of the documentary. What does she say? I'm calling about the clown who's killing children. And the 911 lady says, the clown that's killing children. I mean, get a grip, everybody. I still do this day, I don't understand what was wrong with us.

Two individuals landed behind bars after filing completely fabricated clown reports. A driver in Pennsylvania was pulled over and arrested for operating a vehicle while wearing a creepy clown mask. School districts everywhere impose strict bands prohibiting children from wearing clown costumes for Halloween that season. And fast food giant McDonald's went so far as to officially announce its iconic world famous mascot Ronald McDonald would be, quote, keeping a lower profile. You're always scared of what you don't understand. And if you see just a random clown, that's not something you see every day. At least 12 individuals were hauled away in cuffs. across multiple states and clown-related charges.

And in one horrific escalation, a 16-year-old boy did get killed by somebody wearing a clown mask. As Halloween night in 2016 drew near, the hysteria reached a boiling point, giving way to aggressive vigilante crowds organized to track down these clowns. The documentary tackles that mom mentality, highlighting the night when hundreds of university students at Pennsylvania State University poured into the streets, swarming the town in a mass. massive real-life clown hunt. Oh my gosh.

For those ready to revisit the circus, the wait's almost over as clown panic premieres next Monday, October 12th on Hulu as part of Huluene. Dude, I didn't know that they like made like this posse of people that were hunting down clown. They weren't frigging legitimately hunting down dick. No, they were drunk and just looking to have some fun. Yeah, they were looking for something to do. I mean, really honestly, Josh, this is comparable, in my opinion, to suddenly we all believe that Santa Claus is real and we stare out our windows on Christmas Eve.

I think they're similar. Yeah, the clown thing was crazy. I mean, it obviously had to do with it coming to theaters, right? It was the same year. I'd imagine it must have been. If only that movie would have been worth it. That movie was garbage. The ending was not good.

The ending almost made me not afraid of clowns. But really, yeah, what fascinating to me, grown folks. how quickly that went crazy I mean worldwide grown people really thought that there was a gang of killer clowns on the loose I mean okay well I'm absolutely terrified of clowns

and I mean like it worried me I was like oh why why are people doing this why but it I wasn't like hysteric about it like I didn't I don't know I kind of realized like this probably isn't going to happen to me well you figured correct

you were right And I have a boleo for God sakes. Set your dinner plans for this Friday. The Chanhassen American Legion Post 580 is firing up the friars Friday from 5 to 8 p.m. Your $20 gets you the fish fry with all the classic sides. And $10 of every plate goes straight to the Randy Shaver Cancer Research and Community Fund. See, I'd love to go, but I heard that the boogeyman made an appearance out there a couple weeks ago. And I am, I'm not taking any chances, Judge.

Don't risk it. even for a good cause. So you eat well and you help fight cancer right here in our community. No reservations required to show up hungry. For all those details, you can head to 93X.com. For fans of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service, this one's for you. Clear the couch. It's a big night on CBS and Paramount Plus.

Case files open with the season premieres of NCIS, NCIS New York, NCIS Los Angeles, and NCIS origins. Too much. Origins. I like that. Allie Mills and the Karate Kid and Cobra Kai, Elizabeth Shoe, also known for adventures and babysitting, The Boys, Leaving Las Vegas and Back to the Future,

those movies, and more. 63 today. She looks prettier every year. I agree. She definitely is attractive. I had a big time crush on her as kid. Riding the Storm Out at 75, REO Speedwagon singer Kevin Cronin.

Look at that friggin' mug on that guy. like it? Is he something or what? Happy birthday to Serenity Kennel Jesus and controls electrician Jesus text in a happy birthday to his beautiful wife, Lexi, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver On the half-assed morning show. Before you, I'm a boy, you'll get drunk and screw the skull. It's not for free to go and tickle your poop deck.

Happy anniversary Randy Schaever and happy anniversary C. Willie Miles. Well, that's awesome. What'd you get me? You just heard it, brother. Yeah, we gave me a chance to hear that song again. Josh brought this up earlier. We have reason to celebrate today. This was a bye week for the Vikings.

This was. All those years ago. Yes, it was. We've hit the mark again. Today is the anniversary of the Ben. bang boat. Yes. 21 years now?

Yeah. Wow. Amazing. I remember last year we celebrated pretty hard because we hit the 20 year mark. Right. Of the bang boat. 21 years now. Here's how it plays itself out on Wikipedia for you young people who might not know the story,

the legendary story, the finest moment in Vikings history, in my opinion. Without a doubt. The finest moment in the history of the ball club. In case you're a young person, here's how it plays. plays itself out on Wikipedia on this day in 2000 aught-5. Members of the Minnesota Vikings rented two party boats and set sail on Josh, by God, Lake Minnetonka. My neighborhood. That's right.

I might have been out crappie fishing that day, and I didn't even know about it. You spent a lot of time on that lake. International waters. I'm proud that this event happened on my lake, Lake Minnetonk. 2005, the Vikings poured their carcasses onto a party boat and set sail on Lake Minnetonka. And they weren't alone. They brought a lot of women's with them. And it, uh, they did.

Women's. That's where we all learned about the man act, right? Exactly. When you bring them across date lines? I was actually taught about the man act when I watched Smoky and the Bandit as a young kid. Oh, they talked about that? I must have been too young to get the reference. Sheriff Buford T.

Buford T. Justice accuses the bandit of the man act. That's right. Is it just prostitutes or does that encompass other things as well? I'm not sure. I'll have to look that up. I'm not sure. The Minnesota Vikings were found to have engaged in what they call here highly sexual acts with women on the boat in front of crew members. Now, here's what I have here, Josh.

I have the Eskimo Brother Bell at the ready. As I read through some of the players who were involved, some of the players who actually face some consequences from the bangboat. I have the Eskimo Brother Bell at the ready. Four players, Dante Colpepper? No. Bryant McKinney, Fred Smoot, and Moe Williams were charged with indecent conduct, disorderly conduct, lewd or lascivious conduct.

Charges were actually brought up against Culpepper. They were dropped. Williams was found guilty of disorderly conduct, but cleared of the other two charges. That's part of the story that I don't remember following too closely that these guys actually had to go to court for some of this. I guess I was laughing so hard. I didn't pay attention to any of the specifics of

Fred Smoot and Bryant McKinney Plea deal, this, that. They were sentenced to, those two, McKinney and Smoot, were sentenced to 48 hours of community service. I wonder if there are any listeners out there who were 18 or 19 years old at the time and they found themselves stabbing trash on the side of the freeway with Fred Smoot and Bryant McKinney.

That'd be awesome. That's what I remember community service to be all about, right? Sure. I've had friends that have done it, and that's what they did. But then again, if you're a member of a professional football team and you're special, you probably don't have to stab trash. You probably licked envelopes or something for a few hours. Or maybe they did nothing at all.

Right. Maybe they spoke somewhere. They did what? Maybe they spoke somewhere. Make a speech. Make a speech. Like when you were a kid and the rappers would come into your school and rap about virginity and drugs. Yep.

Yeah. What were their names again, Josh? Like Bebop and Pipsqueak. Pipsqueak. That's what I was. They had some goofy names. I don't remember. Hip-squiques.

There was always one dude named Pipsqueak. Wow. And then the boys faced some fines and this and that, but they weren't suspended. 21 years ago today, the bang boat. Wow. It's unbelievable. It's been that long. It is.

I wonder what those girls are doing now. Oh, man. I'd like to hear their story. Probably forget about the dudes. I don't have a follow up under women. What are they, where are they now? Probably trying to keep. their teenage daughters off the pool, I would imagine.

ESPN a few years ago, maybe like 10 years ago, put together like a mini-documentary. It was like 15 minutes long. I want like a full two-hour thing. I want to hear everybody's side. I want to hear all the stories. I want to hear everything. I bet on YouTube you can find something like that. I hope so.

Running through the okra patch. There was so much education from that. Well, you've got to explain that one now. Now, from what I understand, that was like when guys would go down. The women would be receiving oral from men. they'd just kind of go down the line and move on from woman to woman to woman. Okay. I thought that making your way through the okra patch was just Fred Smoot's slang term for providing oral sex to a woman.

Yeah, that's what it was. Oh, that's what it was. He's the one that came up with the slang, and it was apparently... I still don't get it. They were making their way through it. Okra patch. I still don't... I don't understand it either.

I can explain it to you. Well, could you write it out for me or something? You could explain that to me? Oh, yeah. See, Willie, draw Nick some pictures. Yeah, maybe I don't know what an okra patch. Or an okra. Or an okra looks like.

Maybe I will once I Google it. Right, and you slice it open. Oh, if you, okay, you're, okay, I was picturing just like a, no. I don't know if they grow in stocks. Okay, I'm looking at an okra. But if you slice it open. I know, I get what you're seeing. It looks more phallic than anything.

thing else. Right. You need the little more imagination. If you slice it open, it's wet and slimy. Oh my God. Hey, see Willie Miles. That's what I heard. I'm going to go aside and get some fresh air, boys. I am just...

Willie. I grew up down south. I ate a lot of okra. That's what I'm saying. Now I get it. It's from the down south. Now I get it. Okay. Right. So the Oprah patch, and you go down from girl, you know, it's to, yeah. I hear you. Or lickety stick, you know, stick and lick, or whatever. I finally understand.

I'm disappointed that you made me say that, and I know my wife is listening. She's a good person. She's a good person. She didn't deserve that. She didn't know that I needed to explain that to you. Ah, that's fun. All right. That's why I had to talk with our children about stuff.

I know things You know things Yeah That's why I had to have a talk with the You had the sex talk with you were the one Exactly Were there any other Comparisons in your sex talk

With your children Were there any other comparisons to Southern cuisine I'm not going to get it Did you compare the penis to a I don't know a Stay out of the cucumber pants We used this.

Someone asks you to a cucumber party. That's not what it means. You see, kids, there's a cucumber and there's the okra. For God's sake, don't ever, ever let someone talk to you and going to an eggplant. To the eggplant, yeah. That's where the trouble really stuff. That's where the trouble really stuff. It's purple, walk away.

21 years, Cubby. It really doesn't seem that long ago. I still remember. I'll never forget the feeling. Driving into work, horribly hungover. I mean, I was in terrible shape. And I remember Josh,

even specifically where I was. I was just, just coming into Minneapolis on 394, about to take that 94 east, narrow little nightmare exit that we've been dealing with here in the Twin Cities for our entire life. But, of course, there was no one on the road.

It was 4.30 in the morning. and I remember thinking, oh, I do not want to be there today. I feel like garbage. What do we even get to talk about? There's nothing to talk about. And I turned it on WCCO radio and they're covering the bangboat. And it was like a gift from God. I no longer, I no longer felt hungover.

And suddenly we had something to talk about. And Covey, I couldn't get to work fast enough. I'm sure you were just cranking that accelerator. There it is. Someone said here that one of the ladies involved with a bangboat is now a police officer. Hello. I'd like to know more information about that. And what was the involvement?

T.J. Hooker is her name. T.J. Hooker. Ah. All right. Celebrate accordingly, everyone, today. Truly. On the anniversary of the Bizang, Bizote. It's a nice day to be out on the boat, though.

Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that something? Isn't that the truth? I mean, here we are on the anniversary. of the bang boat and it's going to be 80 degrees. Hello. Careful out there.

So we talked a little bit about the Vikings kicker yesterday, Big Nuts. Willie Riker kicked those five field goals on Sunday. Yeah. He's the deadliest weapon on the Vikings offense right now. Yeah. He is. Period. Big Nuts has the NFL's longest active field goal streak.

He's made 31 of those sum bitches in a row. Randy Schaver, he has upped and tied. He has tied the great Fawd Rives. Fawad. Fawad. For the second longest run. He was a really nice guy, wasn't super nice. He was awesome.

He really was. You got to know Fawd. Yes, that is. Yeah. I heard, when of course I remember those days, I was still a very passionate Vikings fan back in those days, ashamedly so. embarrassingly true.

I was, and I remember that I heard nothing but wonderful things about old fraud Ravais. So, Big Nuts, Willie Reichard, he has tied Fawd for the second longest run in Viking's history as far as consecutive field goals. Flawed hit 31 straight field goals for the Vikings from October 20th, 1994

to September 17th, 1995. the legendary Gary Anderson. And don't start. Don't even open your little yap about Gary Anderson. He did his job in 98 of a couple of his teammates were to have done theirs. The Vikings might have had an opportunity to get absolutely embarrassed by John Elway

in the Denver Broncos and Super Bowl 33. Gary did his job. Yes, he did. Gary holds the team record with 35 consecutive field goals. I think that's in jeopardy. Yeah. Oh, absolutely is. I think that's in jeopardy.

Where do they play next? In a dome, right? In Louisiana, right? Yeah, right. So, you know, 98, such a long time ago, right? It's almost 30 years ago. FME running. What a difference in the way we look at kickers these days too.

Oh, God. Yeah. I mean, there's such a, there's such, I can remember when, if a kicker even tried a 50-yard field goal. That was a big deal. They'd laugh them out of the building. Yeah, and now it's like that's a chip shot to some of these guys. I mean, the kicking, maybe more than

anything in recent comes to mind, the kicking game is the one that has changed the most in the last four or five years in the NFL. And it's changed the game. It's changed the way some

coaches coach and how they approach things and all that. But in Gary's day, to make 35 straight, that was a big story. That was a big deal. Hell, yeah. I'm going to keep it real with you. I've never, I've always thought of kickers the same way. I don't trust them.

When you need them worse, Randy, when you need them most, they just, they just somehow, I like them when they're done. When they're done playing, I can hang out with them and golf. But man, when it's, when it's crunch time, you know, and I'm like, I want him to miss one right now because I don't want him to miss that one that we need to get us into that. I don't want to do Gary Anderson thing to show up. You got to shake that old school mentality, see Willie Miles. No, I don't want to get to know their names.

I don't want to know their children. Kickers are the real rock stars of the National Football League these days. I didn't even know our kicker name when I was in college. I didn't want to get to know. Maybe his name was something cool like FWD. He was just a kicker. Who's our kicker? Well, you know, no, I don't.

skinny kid over there that played soccer. Right. Right. Because that's part of the change is something very simple. Years ago, the kicker was some tiny little Australian guy who played soccer. Now these guys are six, five, and they got legs like mules, for Christ's sake. But that wasn't even the case until we started seeing the side. That's right. The side winding kicker.

Right. I mean, it used to be, it was a straight on. It was like the offensive lineman was also. your kicker. Right. You know. With the Charlie Brown approach. Just straight on. Put it on the right hand.

Rick Danmeyer. And that's changed, obviously, so much. Some bad news with the Vikings. Apparently their offensive line is falling apart. This is not good news. Okay. Yesterday was announced that left guard, Donovan Jackson is out for the season.

He tore his knee loose. Christian Derrissau, who's the left tackle, has been thrown into the mysterious world of concussion protocol. Yeah. Wow. So send in the backups. Losing. Donovan Jackson is a huge blow to that offensive line. And if you thought the quarterback was

scrambling a lot on Sunday, wait till you see what happens over the next few weeks because he is going to feel the pressure of an offensive line that is not 100 percent. And that's not going to make him any more comfortable in this offense. That's too bad because Donovan Jackson was having a really strong here. And he's a really good player. So it's too bad that that happened. And we, I, you know, I have no idea

how deep they are on the old line. There hasn't really been a lot of discussion about who some of those backup guys are. And it wouldn't surprise me if they try to make a trade for some veteran player or two that are out there to shore

things up. When you're 4 and 0, your mindset about how you're going to patch holes is different than when you're zero and four. Well, sure. You don't patch it. Yeah, you don't. Let it drip. Yes.

So now you get serious about, okay, what do we have to do to patch that hole? And they may make some sort of a trade. A few people are still texting in about the anniversary of the bangboat. And yes, we were aware of this. I think we heard this maybe last year, maybe further back than last year, where the actual bang boat, where the Vikings hauled on,

you know, hauled those big plastic bins full of the dildos onto the boat and then the women and the whole thing. It was bought by a dude down in Iowa. Yeah, I remember hearing about that. Yeah, it was just for sale. Yeah, we talked, we jokes about how they should have bought the Wilson.

should buy it and park it outside the training complex and Eagan. So it was recently. Wasn't it real cheap too? I mean, it was surprisingly inexpensive. I thought it would be worth a lot more. I think I saw 150 grand. Wow.

This is the actual boat? Yeah, the boat. Wasn't that Al and Elmas? Yeah. That's a, yeah. All right, yeah, I love this boat. I'm going to buy it. Let me just take a quick black light to it and then we'll finalize the deal.

Don't do that. Don't do that. No, no, no. Not allowed. That ruins the suspense. We can just swab it all in every crank and corner. Oh, yeah. They got out a hell of a lot of what did my mom used to use on the floor.

Spick and Span or whatever. They got our buckets. I'm sure they bleached it like it was a murder. Oh, yeah. You have to. You got to call in a whole professional company. Seat Clean's got to come out there. That's right.

Everybody from CSI. We need you in here. Hey, Randy Shabre. I thought you said that the New Orleans Saints were a capable football team. They all, you know, they are, not last night because the Atlanta Falcons are, that's a good football team. The Falcons? Really?

Oh, yes. And we're last night. Well, I mean, when they beat Green Bay, we all laughed our ass off because Green Bay lost to Atlanta, but now they're a good, okay. No, yeah, they're a good football team. All right. The New Orleans Saints got crushed at home by the Atlanta Falcons last night. Look what they did on the ground last night.

I mean, Bijon was a monster, as he all. always hit. But Brian Robinson was really good too. And their defense played pretty well. Atlanta's defense got after Tyler Shuck. He did not have a lot of time to throw the football last time. Did you see the video of the Kansas City Chiefs player? Do his new guy in the corner puking his guts out routine when he saw his teammates terrible ankle injury on Sunday? Yeah. Oh, no. You should see this video. It's fun to watch. Oh, boy. says here Chiefs left guard

Mike Caliando he was a surprise starter on Sunday against the Las Vegas Raiders he was ready to play football but he wasn't ready to see a teammate's leg broken loose Taekwon Thorntman I think it was a pretty nasty injury

yes this Caliando guy was not ready to see his teammates' leg made out to be a letter Z yeah there's nothing to prepare you for stuff like that. But you got to see this because it's fun, and you don't have to apologize, Brad. I'm not apologizing. Well, you said, I'm sorry.

As if the rest of us are in favor of seeing a gruesome leg injury. You were apologizing for not being, you see what I mean? It's the weirdest habit you guys have. I am not, I'm not sorry. You didn't do it. It's such a woman thing to do. Usually women do that. Oh, you call it Randy. We apologize.

Yeah, women are notorious for that. We just apologize for no reason all the time. Well, it doesn't happen to my house. Might either. No, I don't know what you're talking about. That might be a northern suburb. Yeah. Where I live.

I never said I apologize to my husband, just other people. I might hear something like close to that. Like, sorry. Might be. So this Calliando offensive lineman was the first feller to attend to wide recesies. Is this video up on our website, by the way, the offensive lineman with the new guy in the corner puking his guts out routine? No, but I can't get it up there.

You can't? No. We're having internet troubles today. I didn't know we had internet. This Caliando guy was the first one to come over and check on Tyquan Thornton after Thornton's ankle got broken into a thousand pieces out there on the ball field. It was interesting to watch. So Calliando takes a knee next to Thornton. whose leg is all crooked and mangled. But Calliando didn't realize that yet. He's talking to Thornton, looking at his face, like a guy should when addressing somebody.

It was obvious that Calliando was saying, you know, are you all right? And in the video, you see Thornton point down to his broken leg, as if he's saying, look down there if you want to know if I'm all right. And you can watch Calliando as he notices. and he got out of there, I think, before he vomited on the ball field. Yeah, before he vomited. Before he vomited on the player. He just turned and got the hell out of there.

Yeah, I don't blame him. That was, you can tell that. It looked like he kind of covered his eyes, too. Yeah, like, oh, Christ, I don't want to look at that. Yeah, I just. All right, so the NFL is up and suspended a couple of referees. They're suspended from working for a couple of weeks. How about that?

One of them's the Minnesota guy. This is so bad. Yeah. One of them by the name of Jeff Seaman, and the other one goes by the name of Adrian Hill. Yeah. Well, the Adrian Hill one was in the Vikings game. Right. That was stupid. So first off, a story breaks yesterday, and this all sounds completely pointless to me, but, you know, the National Football League needs something to do.

They need something to keep them occupied when they're not counting the billions of dollars that they've stolen from all of us with their crooked predetermined ball games. The story broke yesterday that the NFL was investigating a couple of exchanges between referees and players this past Sunday, right? Right, right. There was what they call here an exchange between an official and a member of the Arizona Cardinals. And there was another, quote, exchange between a ref and a Viking player by the name of Eric Wilson, where the ref got accidentally knocked on his ass and then started hollering at Wilson. So the NFL Players Association came forward and said, this kind of behavior from officials is unacceptable.

Oh, well, you grow a set of balls for cray's sake. So a referee hollered a little bit or cursed a little bit. We got to suspend these guys. Meanwhile, watch video of the lunatic Tom Brady in the last few years where he was an active player and watched the way he screamed expletives in the official's faces. So this is just so dumb. Yeah. How sensitive are these guys?

All right. That's my take on it anyway. Well, the one exchange between Seaman and Trey McBride of Arizona, I'm not really sure. There had to have been something else going on preceding what the video showed of the expletives that Seaman, you know, allegedly was saying. but the other one in the Vikings game, the referee, who's the umpires, the white hat, he got knocked down and he jumped right back. I thought he was going to get into a fight.

I kind of looked at that way. He realized who he had to fight. Yeah, he jumped right up. Now, he said later, I read his quotes, that he was trying to keep two players from having an exchange between each other. Nope. And that's why he was barking.

But to me, it looked like he was barking at the Viking player to back off, man. To all of us. Yeah. And he got pushed into him, too. He did. He got pushed into him to. It was not his fault. And he was trying to tell him that.

He reached to try to pick him up immediately. It's like, brough, settle down. Yeah. It's totally unnecessary, in my opinion. So what? A couple guys yelled at each other. Are we grown people or not? I don't feel like they have to be suspended.

No. These NFL referees get treated like garbage every friggin city they go to. I don't disagree. Give them a break. I think that's a little bit too much. How about a little college football story here? What's to say? The University of Miami football team has started the season 5 and 0.

Wow. They got a star running back over there by the name of Mark Fletcher Jr. Now his mama Linda Fletcher, she goes to every ball game, and she's a smart lady. she knows that flying sucks eggs so she drives to every ball game last football season alone she dumped 18,000 miles on her motor vehicle going to watch her kid play for the Miami

hurricane here comes the good news bad news part of the story former all-time hurricane Michael Irvin heard her story and he upped and bought her a big old RV so she could drive to all the games this season in a sweet ride. Wow.

That's obviously the good news. The bad news is... It probably costs way more money. Gas went up. Well, no. I mean, sure, you could factor that in. The bad news that I had in mind is this. Now that he's done that her...

Done her that big favor, now she probably has to deal with Michael Irvin far more than anyone could possibly tolerate. He's never going to let her forget that he bought her that RV. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Mike. but please enough. Jesus.

That's a sweet-looking ride she's got. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. Well, you know, what I know about Michael Irvin, he's done a lot of cool things down in Texas and in Florida for, he does a lot for families down there. Yeah. Yeah, he does.

I'm sure he's a very generous guy. He really is. I just don't know if I'd ever want to owe him for anything. Here's a guy that saved all of his money. Like, he never bought a big home or a whole bunch of houses when he played for Dallas? He spent money on some things. Yeah, he did.

We know that. That wasn't a hundred thousand. When you said Michael Irvin does a lot for families, I'm picturing Big Earn McCracken and Kingpin. Sometimes Earns here in the morning when I wake up. Sometimes when I wake up, Big Earn is already here. You'll leave Michael alone, man. That little public, what do they call that in the business?

PSA? That little PSA? about sent Don't tell me Zoot! Can't think of the character name. Woody Harrelson. Oh, Roy Munson.

That PSA about sent Roy Munson through the roof when he saw that. When he gets under-centered and lifts that skirt up. He just snaps that skirt up. Go deep, Jonathan. Deeper. Sorry, Roy Munson.

All right. The kids that play for the University of Texas Football Club are obsessed with the basic functions of their genitalia. They sure seem to be. Maybe you missed this, C Willie Miles. Yeah, I did. University of Texas Longhorns football team. So a couple weeks ago, there was a player on the Longhorns when they were playing Tennessee who celebrated a sack, celebrated a big play by pretending to urinate. on the ball field.

Oh, no. Yeah. And then he was shocked when a flag was thrown. What? What did I? I don't... You know, I think...

College football reprimanded him for that at some level. I can't remember the details. But... So one kid pretended to urinate on the field. And the hub hub hub over that nonsense

distracted us from another ridiculous routine in that same ball game. In that same game with Tennessee, a Texas Longhorn scored a touchdown. And he went ahead. with the following routine. And now I understand this is not unique to the Texas Longhorns.

There are players who have done this, who play for Mississippi. I got it here somewhere. And now I lost it. But I'll get there. So when this Texas Longhorn scored the touchdown, while standing, he lifted one leg and pumped his gear back and forth, simulating sexual intercourse. Sure.

next he simulated wiping his genitals with his right hand and he closed out his touchdown dance by bringing that wiping hand to his nose where he sniffed the hand and then mimicked that he was knocked unconscious by the smell it's pretty gross wow you know go ahead

yeah did you do that one in college see And at some point you've got to act like you've been there before, man. It kind of makes you miss the icky shuffle. It makes you miss the fun bunch. It makes you miss Butch Johnson. Right. It was Billy White Shoes Johnson who did the little. Bush Johnson had a sweet one, the moonwalk and the earthquake.

Oh, yeah. I forgot Butch Johnson could do the moonwalk. Right. Yeah. And then the earthquake because he was from California. Yeah. It was great. These were great touchdown dances.

Yeah, those are cute. Let me give it one more time now, one more time, in case he didn't follow. That's too much. Stands on one leg, pumps twice. Like maybe he's doing it in the shower or something, right? Right. You guys have been there. Then he takes his right hand and mimics

swiping his genitals. Then he raises that wiping hand to his nose, takes a sniff and mimics that he was knocked unconscious by the smell. This is a touchdown dance. Sounds like somebody need to go see a doctor about though, too. Now, like I

was saying, and now I found the information I was looking for. This specific crotch-rot touchdown celebration is not unique to the Texas players. The story originally was just blaming the Texas player. But there was a player from Boise State who went ahead with this a day or two ago. The sniff check gimmick, a kid from Old Ole Miss has tried it. An Alabama player tried it. Lame. So you might be wondering where did this idea come from? A movie, a meme. Nobody seems to have the answer yet. But all the kids want do it now. Josh, you're probably going to go to a youth football game here soon enough. Expect

to see... Oh, no. Expect to see the... They don't celebrate like that. Well, they will now. No dances. You can't turn away. Did you see the one there was one guy that smelled the other guy's finger and then he passed out? Oh. Are they not allowed to do any dances like that, Josh? Is there a rule? I don't know. I'd imagine

people would be pretty frustrated by that. I just meant like regular celebrations. Oh, yeah. For the ninth graders, oh, people would come uncorked by that. No, I'm just talking about clean ones. Well, like, high fiving each other or something. Yeah, they do that.

A little tiny, like little dance. Drop it greedy or something? No, nothing like that. Oh, all right. No, you know, well, I guess maybe you don't know, but yeah, youth football coaches are some of the biggest hard-ons you'll ever run into in your life. Yeah, I don't think that'd go over very well. And they, you know, they like to be the boss at all times, you know, and that, they won't allow you. They don't allow you

very much fun. But yeah, that's the thing. There you go. Now they're sniffing their hands. It's crazy. They can be more creative than that. Not everything has to be... Wait a minute. I'm not going to take away...

I'm not going to say there's a lack of creativity there. That is about as creative as I've ever heard. And the execution is perfect. It is. They pull it off really, really well. It is. I'm not going to knock them for a lack of creativity, that's for sure. If I would live to be a thousand, I would never imagine a guy would do that after scoring a touchdown.

So I'm giving them massive points for creativity. Wow. Yeah, the old crotch rot. I mean, it is college, right? Sure. What, you guys never looked down and said, oh, Jesus, what have I done? What I do now? No.

What have I done? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, Randy did. All the time. Iowa State. Yeah, what is that? Somebody's feet? In fact, I couldn't help myself.

I mean, you couldn't keep your hands to yourself, or what do you mean? Yeah, I couldn't help myself from looking down. It's all I did. Open up your drawers. Someone is someone making sourcrow? What is that? Oh, that's me. Oh, that I forgot.

My God. I forgot. No. Making sour. No. Absolutely not. Oh, my God. Dump a little hydrogen peroxide down there or something.

I don't know. Whatever. Hope that works. Michigan. Yeah, this better work. That's going to. going to burn. This better work.

My girlfriend expects me at her place in about four hours. This better work. All right. The Chicago White Sox are up to nothing in their best of five series with the Cleveland Guardians. They are. You love to see it. Yeah.

Go ahead. Win the whole frigging thing, Chicago White Sox, with your pimp-ass first baseman Miro-Taki Miracama, who went to one for four with an RBI. One for four with an RBI. Yes. Tampa Bay beat the New York Yankees. So those series are headed in the right direction. Yeah, they feel like it.

Yeah, it feels good. It feels good that the Yankees are down two games to none in a five-game series. Tonight, Dodgers Braves, Brewers Padres, those series tied at one game apiece. By the way, this stat is a little misleading. I mean, in the old days, there was no wild card round and there was no divisional round. And in the real old days, there was no American League or National. National League Championship Series. So, I mean, take this in whatever direction you want.

If the White Sox, when they get back to Chicago for this series, if they clinch at home, it would be the first time they've clinched a series at home in 126 years. Oh, my gosh. That's insane. Yeah. Did they not have a whole field? Well, no, I mean, just they had less opportunity back in the day. Less opportunity.

Had there been a wild card round and a divisional round and a championship series in the 1920s they probably would have accomplished it. 1930s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s. It's a drought. All right, we had to throw some serious stuff in to the mix. The pigs are playing at the Buffalo Sabres tonight. A dude here in town that covers the man bear pigs day in,

day out by the name of Michael Russo has dumped some more information on defenseman Brock Faber, who is out with a damn crack in his skull. And it's concerning to read. I mean, this whole thing's concerning from the get-go. Don't get me wrong. But Michael Rousseau said,

this isn't just a cracked bone. There was a lot of stuff that was very scary behind the scenes that the team hasn't disclosed. And he said he's not comfortable disclosing that information just yet. So bottom line, this is not your typical hockey injury

and nobody's rushing anything. They want to give a time. They don't want to put any pressure on Brock. Yeah, that's the way to play that. They're just very thankful that he's going to be okay. But some scary stories were traded behind the scenes that that information isn't anybody's business just yet. And maybe it'll never be anybody's business. And I'm fine with that.

And I understand that. Right. I wonder if we'll see the kid this season. We may not. No. And whatever it takes, whatever it takes to feel comfortable. Brock, Faber. you ain't got to prove Dick Tracy to me.

Alex Ovechkin, the all-time leading goal score in NHL regular season history. I guess he's made it clear now that he's all done after this here hockey season. Enjoy the moment because, you know, time is fly for young guys. Enjoy the time because it seems like yesterday I was here my first year and right now, this is my second, 22nd year, you know, it goes like this. I couldn't understand. Speaking Russian. No, that was English.

Oh. And then he looked down into his jock and he said, is someone cooking Lutaphis around here or what? Borsh? Borsh. That's, I did not expect to hear borsht. Is that Russian? That's like a Russian soup.

Oh, I thought you were just, no, I thought you were just throwing out an odd food. Yeah, okay, good call. You even linked it up with his nationality. That takes skills right there, Josh. It's a beet soup. Oh. Oh. He's been around a long.

What is he? 58, 9. I don't know a whole lot of hockey players, but that name's been around. Oh, yeah. 20-some years. He's got to be 40. He's 40 or 41 or something. He's 40 or 41, probably.

Right. He came in the year after Bobby Hall retired. Yeah. Yeah. And so he's retiring after the season, so that means we still have about 18 months left to watch and play. Yeah, you know, fair enough, there, Alex Obetchkin. you've got it done 20-some years in the business

he's got a couple of young kids at home so his life will soon become a living hell he'll have to take a big bite out of the real world eventually I think he'll be just fine he has little kids he's been in the league 22 years oh I think like a 12 year old and a 14 year old

or something like that so they can eat feed and bathe themselves but he won't have that bad Maybe. He's going to have to deal with the teenage boys. Still working on a couple of those myself, Willie. Yeah. You're a special case, man.

Yeah, brother. I never thought of it that way. That's why he's in his own studio. Yeah, exactly. They don't let me in there. Just because we've hit a certain age doesn't mean we know how to perform very simple tasks. And they don't allow you to cry on air. No, I do that during the commercial break.

See, out his way home. Yeah. Who the hell's cooking, borsh? It's got to be the Russian guy. Every time I open up the front of my boxers, I smell borsed. Oh, we had that road trip up to Vancouver. Okay, okay. That explains it.

There is one netminder in the National Hockey League who already has a goal and an assist on this season. Igor Shesterkin. Love it, love it, love it. He scored one of those rare goalie goals a few days ago and then was also credited with an assist on a lame empty net goal as well. So Schitterskin or whatever the hell I said his name is, he's now supposedly the 13th goalie in NHL history

to score a goal all for themselves. One of the truly uncorked lunatics in hockey history. Ron Hextall scored two regular season goals in his career. I believe Martin Brodoer scored two as well. But it's funny how, not that anyone cares, but if you look at a list of goalies who have scored a goal in the history of the National Hockey League, some people say it's 13, some people say it's 18. Some stats count own goals, which is stupid.

Because I know for a fact, Martan Brodour scored a couple of goals on himself by trying to score a legitimate goally goal, where he tried to fire it down the ice and it banked off some jabroni's skate and went back into his own net. So I don't think you should count what time is it? Because I knew no one would care about that. No, you're right. So there you go. We got a goaltender in the NHL who's already got a goal and an assist and they're three, four games in. Good for him. I'm just glad you explained what an own goal was. I was getting ready to ask.

An own goal, yeah. And you explained it clearly. It's somebody else and come right back at him into his own net. Total flatliner when that happened. That would suck. Some websites have given goalie's credit for that. That's stupid. Stupid. That is stupid. That's like giving a quarterback credit for his

own sack. Right. I agree with you. We teased this a little bit earlier. A.E.W. Rasslin is all set to put on a show on a cruise ship. The Ayatola of Rock and Rolla, Chris Jericho made the announcement a day or two ago. AEW is going to host their regular Saturday night show, which is called Collision. They're going to host it live on a cruise ship on Saturday, November 7th.

This is all part of a regular deal that Jericho has been doing for years, something called the Chris Jericho Rock and Wrestling Ranger at Sea. Wow. Yeah, they do all those. Those rock shows, those rock cruises. That'd be fun to go on one of those. So they're going to put on this rassling show while this big, fat-ass oversized cruise ship is docked before it sets out to see on its way to a place called Bimini?

Bimini, anybody? Liberty, Liberty, Biberty? See, Willie Miles, you travel the world. You ever heard of Bimini? You might not be saying it right, but. Byman, nigh? Oh, I was thought it. Bimini too, but yeah, maybe we got it wrong.

At first, I was picturing them trying to put on this wrestling show, Josh, on the high seas with the waves rolling. That'd be more challenging. Yes, it would. But they docked the pig, they put on the show, and then they go off to whatever Bimini is.

It's like Bahamas or something like that. Jericho's rock band Fazi will be playing on the boat, I believe, after they head towards Bimini. And they're great if you like lip syncing. That's disappointing.

I like that man. Sorry, Josh. I saw him in concert once and I love Chris Jericho. And I'm not trying to get on his case because the dude, he's one of the greatest of all time. But I had my doubts a time or two when I saw Fosian concert. Have you ever heard their cover of SOS by the tell me the group. Go. Twisted sister.

No. the Swedish gals and the bearded guys, Randy, from when you were a teenage kid. Abba. Abba. You ever heard their cover of SOS by Abba? I mean, that is a rockin tune. And when Jericho does his regular cruise, Josh, like you were just saying,

doesn't he invite like 35 other 80s bands out there? The 80s cruises. They have all 80s rock specifically. They get to Striper and, you know, winger, warrant. Some of them are terrible, like enough is enough and steel heart and all this crap. But, oh, this year's cruise will also pay tribute to Pack, who passed away a week ago. It's Benini. Bermini.

Bermini. Bermini. Bermini. Okay. Bermini. Bermini. Yeah. What's that place that you and the wife go to that we struggled so bad with, how do you say it out loud? Turks and Kekos.

Turks and Kekos. Who the hell's cooking Turks and Kekos? knows. It's good, though. Hot librarian, Jesus, says they have done those matches while the boat's in motion. Really? You've been on a cruise ship, haven't you? I mean, do you feel the waves?

When they're really rolling in, absolutely. You really do, even on a boat that size. Yeah. Oh, I didn't think you would. I didn't think I would. They have really, yeah, if you, if you, if you, if you, have rough, rough seas. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, the years that I've worked cruise ships, I've only been on one where I think I felt it a little bit, but at most part, it's smooth sailing. But there have been many that have gotten caught in, like there's a storm. It don't have to be on you, but near you. And they'll go around them, but they're still going to catch rough seasons. Boy, I tell you. Really? I had some friends that was on one that was pretty sketchy.

What was that one where everyone ended up taking a Duke on the floor? What was that one? Oh, yeah. There was a documentary. They called it the poop cruise. The poop crews. Not the greatest documentary in the world that looked like high school kids put it together, but it's an enjoyable story.

The main guy they talked to so much was he was tough to deal with that. The guy that refused to poop? Yeah, he was kind of annoying. Train wreck poop cruise is what that documentary on Netflix is called. Yeah. Rainy Shabber, this is right up your alley. You love turd humor. No, no.

You won't watch that one? No, not interested. And no, I will never get on a cruise. There's just brown water all over the floor. Oh, God. And corn and whatnot. You can see the corn. So much corn.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, why did we have to serve corn last night? It doesn't have to be last night, Dana. That's the weird thing about it. When did I eat corn? This person says... You can see little bits of ham and cabbage and whatnot. This person says I was in the Navy on aircraft carriers.

Believe me, you feel them. The Navy will go right through the storms. Yep. Even on an air, have you guys ever been on an aircraft carrier? No, that sounds really awesome, though. Got a hat for the USS. I've never been on an aircraft carrier. You've been on a few of them, haven't you?

Well, the same one a couple of times. And so big, I'm surprised you can feel the waves on that thing. Yeah, I was on the USS Abraham did a show. Oh, did you really? That's awesome. Yeah, I've done a couple of. That's really cool. I've never been anywhere near one of those pigs.

Oh, you'd love it. But it makes me think of that. I know this is going to go nowhere. But what's the red hair? the guy that hosted television shows for a while. Red hair guy. Tall, red hair, hosted television shows. Conan. Conan O'Brien.

Oh, like a late night show. I was picturing like a game show. Yeah, it was too jaded. I can't let go of this because I found it to be so clever. But when Kiss announced that they were reuniting in 1996, they hosted a press conference to let the media and all their fans know that they were back. and they decided, for some ungodly reason, to have that press conference on a docked battleship in New York City.

And then they called Conan O'Brien and said, hey, you know, you're the big shot, you know, swinging D on television. Would you host this press conference where were you announced her? And Conan O'Brien said, sure. And I don't know why this joke won't escape me. But the first thing Conan O'Brien said on the mic, he said, when Kiss called me to ask if I would host their reunion press conference, I only had two questions.

What time and what battleship? That's good. I love it. In closing, in closing today, Randy Shaver. Yes, sir. Today is Brony James 22nd birthday. Oh, happy birthday. Brony.

Way to go, buddy. Good for you. Bronny James 22nd. All right, Randy Shaver, there you go, brother. All right, very good. We'll talk to you tomorrow. Enjoy your meal this afternoon. I can take a guess what you probably have the wife look up the best recipe for Boris.

My stomach is turning right now. Hourcrow, court on the comm. We'll see you lid. Goodbye. Goodbye. There he goes. More see Willie Miles on the program ski when we come back. Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people.

Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning, because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched on is now before the thing craps out and the boys blow the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standard heating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93x and save a big double nickel.

Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bealki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season.

On Polly Market, trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promo code WWW. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated.

Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawal-tradable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. FS morning show 93X. It's a hell of a deal. it really is when you think about it.

We'd like to thank everybody and all of you all for stopping by here at what we call the 93X half-ass morning show. Our friend and world-class entertainer C. Willie Miles has joined us in studio. Good morning. Where are you golfing today, Willie? Home club, Minnesota Valley. That's where you like to go? Yeah, that's kind of like my home club.

Where do they put that? Where did they put it? Big piece of land. Bloomington. Where is it? Bloomington. Yeah. Well, good luck.

Good luck. Right on the Minnesota River. You look ready for a game of golf. Oh, yeah, man. I'm always squared up. Yeah. I'll be damned. Well, it's nice to have you in studio, as always.

Love it. Tell me what you folks make of this nonsense. Now, a funny story has come our way from over there in Australia. You've been there? Willie? Yes. What do you think? Love Sydney.

Yeah? Yeah, I love it. Beautiful city? Seems like a cool place to go. Absolutely. Long plane ride, though, right? Miserable? Yes.

Terrible. Yeah, a couple of three days. You couldn't pay me. Two or three days in the year. Not enough money in the world. It's a long way. Beautiful people. Not that this has anything to do with the story that I'm about to share with everyone,

but have you been to Sydney, Australia? Have you ever found yourself in what they call the outback? God, no. No. No. No. They have some of the most dangerous. stuff over there you ever want to lay eyes on.

If you stay in Sydney, I pretty much was around the hotel. That's pretty much all of us. Like they have like ants the size of dachshunds. Yeah, they have a reputation where everything there is trying to kill you. Everything is like super poisonous. Yeah. Yeah. Their common house fly will kill you on contact and they pick up babies and fly away with them.

Exactly. We've heard stories about. So over there in Australia, a gal has taken to social media and shared a little story from her wedding ceremony. Big day for most women, even for you, Ashley, even though you knew going into the first one that there would be more. Yep. It's still a big day. It's still a big day. On her wedding day, this woman, at her wedding.

ceremony, her groom forgot her name. Oh, boy. Wait, what? When it came time to address each other how they do at weddings, dude upped and forgot his bride's name. Did he have a stroke? I don't think I'd forget my bride's name, but at the same time, like, things I might know,

if I'm put on the spot, I can't come up with it. Yes. Like, I had a situation. That would be on the spot. that's true but I think I'd remember that right oh Christ Josh you're far from alone I mean how many times a day on this radio show right do I at the day because I can't come up with a simple name I can't I can't remember you people's names some days you do have trouble with that yeah I had a few years ago I won't forget you know you're right what's the word I'm looking for Josh

what's the word oh I do that constantly what's the word I'm looking for a few years ago I was talking to a guy and he's like yeah I work over here and I'm like no way, one of my best friends works over there. And he's like, oh, what's your friend's name? And I'm like, I totally drew a blank. It's a very good friend of mine. But then I thought, then I'm in my head like, he thinks I'm lying. He thinks I made this stuff.

Totally makes it sound like you're making it up. Yeah, it does. I'm telling him, oh, he's a great friend of mine. And I completely forgot because I was put on the spot. It's insane. I have no idea why that happens. So here we go again. A little recap here.

Gail standing at the altar, ready to get hitched to someone. some jabrony and it's time to address each other this and that dude could not come up with her name but that's not the end of it he then accidentally well maybe it wasn't an accident well then dude referred to her using her sister's name whoa it's bad yes he did oh if you was a black wedding you're somebody in the audience would have went look at God. Won't he do it? Won't he do it?

All the time. God is good. Referred to her by her sister's name. Now, this video went round and round like they do, Cubby, right? And if you watch the video, she immediately corrects him

and says, no, my name is whatever. And they do get a good laugh out of it. I'm not a laugh. Their names are similar. They are. In the caption that she has for this video, she does say, I'm still not over being called my sister's name at the altar.

Yes, as Josh mentioned, and this was a silly idea on her parents' part, the bride's name is Emma. Her sister's name is Emma Lee. I imagine she's standing next to her up there. She's probably are made of honor. They don't mention that, but likely. My God. That would be...

That's on tape, man. That's just like, um... It's embarrassing. Like, I would forgive, like, if my husband did something like that, I'd be like, yeah, you're an idiot. It makes sense. Like, it wasn't... I knew you weren't doing it to be a D-bag. But it's just so...

Like, the embarrassment, I wouldn't be able to let go of that. I'd be like, you embarrassed me, dude. Like, come on. Yeah, if you're standing in line... Your brain. You're standing in line at Hardee's, that's one thing. Yeah. But this is at the friggin' altar minutes before...

Focus. Right. Yeah. But there are further details here, actually. Oh, that might loosen up your ideas on. So, yeah, first off, what's up with the folks? You have two daughters, one of them's names Emma, and the other one's name is Emily.

You're just looking to start trouble. They're not even creative. They're not creative parents. I'm surprised they got together and had kids. Adopted. Okay. Wait, what do they say in a black wedding? Look at God.

Like, if you make a mistake, they look at God. Look at God. Look at God. It's not to happen. This wedding ain't. It's supposed to happen. I got to remember that's funny. Look at God.

Won't he do it? Before I move on to the other details of this little mistake made by the groom at the altar, calling his wife by her sister's name, has anyone ever here made the mistake of calling your partner the wrong name or more specifically a past partner's name? Absolutely. Yes. No. But I think it was way worse.

The scenario was much worse when it was. done to me. Wow. So it's okay for you to do it, but if it's done to you, then I'll help. No, it was like a worse scenario. Like, for me, it was when we were fighting, and then I called him by my ex's name. So that's kind of like a... You're used to yelling at a particular person.

It's like, hey, you know, that's different. Understandable. Some guy I was, I guess you could say dating. He called me by the wrong name when we were getting it on. The throws of passion. Yeah. My God. Twice.

Oh, gee, same person? Yeah. Were there any interesting circumstances with your situation, Dana? You said absolutely. So my ex-wife and current wife have very similar-sounding names. They kind of ended the same. And early on in the relationship, I did slip up a couple times because I was just used to saying that name. She was always cool with it.

She was like, yeah, I get it. You guys were together for a decade. Like, it makes sense. It's no big deal. But the night before the wedding, me and my best man were hanging out back at our house. after the groom's dinner, and he twice referred to my current wife by my ex's name. You cannot put that in my head, dude. You're going to give me the yips, dude.

Then the next morning, he did it a third time. So I was so paranoid because if you're up there and I would have said it then, I just would have wandered off into the street and just found a new life somewhere else. I would have started clapping. I would have laughed and laughed and laughed. I know you would have been great. Yeah, us three would have been having the time of our lives. They're like, oh, can we do a show right now?

We've got to get on the air. We've got to make fun of him about this. I mix up some of my kids' names. I always call my youngest the name of the oldest. I do that all the time. Oh, God, our old man never got our names right. Is that right? Oh, never.

I call Alex Cam constantly. And then many times when my brother and I would enter the room and he wanted to address one of us, he would say, which one are you? He never got our names right. I call my daughter Ashley, or I call Ashley her name, Allie. I confuse those. So I definitely do that. That's a parent thing. Try growing up with nine older sisters.

Oh, Christ. Don't even take the time to learn their names. I bet there's not one set of parents in the history of the world who got their kids' names correctly every time. My mom be looking red at me and be like, Captain Fearing-Met-Mell? Boy, you know I'm talking to you. Right. Say my name.

I don't think you know my name. What is my name? My dad was one of eight, and my grandma would do that too. She'd go down the list to find the person she was trying to yell at. She would say four or five of my name. my sister's name before she's looked at me. She's looking right at me. I'm like, it's say my name. It's because

we wear them down to nothing. It does. And we kill their desire, their desire to live. My sister's, I did not. I love my mother. People are saying the thing with the wife could be that they just don't use each other's names very often. True. You know, like, Babe, hon, that kind of thing.

Oh, God. I've never been involved in that whole Babe, babe, hon, sweetie, baby. Anyway, but Ashley, I had a situation similar to yours. when you told the story about an argument. This one was a little different. I was dating a girl named, let's call her Missy, and I had like a bar gig,

and Missy came to the bar gig, my current girlfriend. And next thing, you know, one of my exes, my most recent ex walked into the bar gig. Her name was Veronica. So Missy was in the moment a little peeved that my most recent ex showed up to see me at my bar gig. Missy and Veronica in the same bar together for the first time ever. And Missy expressed this to me.

She's like, what the hell is Veronica doing here? And I said, I don't know. And who cares? You know, I don't play that whole, that's your ex-girlfriend game. I don't believe in that at all. That whole jealous thing where you're supposed to, you're supposed to. You're supposed to pretend like you never dated anyone until your significant other came along. So I immediately told her, I said, you know, relax.

She's a nice lady. She's not here to start trouble. You know, so next thing, you know, Missy and I are in this heated argument. And at one point or another, I said, look, Veronica, you got to relax. So I called her. Such bad timing. So the ex-girlfriend is like standing in the distance. You see how that's a little bit.

But here's what's funny about it. And I give Missy all the credit in the world for this. When I called her Veronica, arguing almost in front of Veronica, when I called her Veronica, she made a face as if she was furious and then slowly she began to smile because she realized how ridiculous.

Right. And this is why Veronica is my ex. This is funny from what it do, Jesus. It said his sister gets so frustrated at her kids. One time she went to yell at one of them and called her kid her own name. Oh, no. Accidentally yelled at herself.

Well, they are an extension of you. Here's the close-out on this story again, Ashley, where I told you maybe you won't be so prickly. Yeah. So again, ladies at the altar and her almost husband, they're minutes away from being declared man and wife. And then, of course, after that, you know, sheer horror, as we all are aware of.

They're minutes away from becoming man and wife, and the groom called his wife by her sister's name. And Ashley, I think you said something like, focus, focus, right? It was a little bit of a unique deal here. They moved really fast. Where is this information? Here it is. They decided to get married after finding out she was knocked

up at the time of the wedding, they'd only known each other for two months. Oh, wow. You're not getting into a rhythm at that point. No, you're not even that familiar with them at that point. Lucky I remember. Yeah, no kidding. So give the guy a break. The screws were being turned.

She's knocked up. He's only known her for two months. So he must have been thinking, what the hell am I doing up here? He wasn't focused. he was unable to focus. Father's got a shotgun. He's standing right there. Say I do.

I don't care which one of them names you use. Dude, before we take a break, before we take a break, Josh, you told that story about a listener who was so mad at one of her kids, she hollered her own name. One of the most terrified looks I've ever seen on somebody's face. My brother's ex-wife is named Stephanie,

and a wonderful gal. still see her all the time. My brother's ex-wife is named Stephanie. At the time, my folks had a dog named Sarah. And my dad was just relentless at hollering at his own dog. Sarah, do this. Sarah, do that. Sarah, get down. And Sarah was such a sweet dog, you know.

I'd come over to my folks place every once in a while and say, are either one of you going to pay attention to this dog? My parents were the type that would get a pet and then act like it was the biggest nuisance they've ever said. I hated the way my parents. treated their pets. I mean, for Christ's sake, the dog just wants to be pet. So my dad was constantly yelling at his dog, Sarah. My brother's ex-wife, Stephanie's in the room, and my dog turns, my dad turns to scream at the dog and he goes, Stephanie, get down for Christ's sake.

And my brother's ex-wife was like, why am I being screamed at? And what do you mean, get down? The look on her face, she had never heard my dad holler like that and thought it was directed at her. Oh my God, I had to take a knee. I was laughing. And my dad had to say, no, sorry, Stephanie. I'm talking to... Ah. My dad never treated that dog nicely. That's sad. And all he had to do, you know, how dogs are.

And this was a lab, too. Oh, my God. This was a lab. So sweet. My dad would just feed her. He thought just bringing her up north was all it took. No, you got to pet the dog. You got to care for the dog. Where was they going with this? Oh, so my dad was never very nice to his dog.

But being a lab, all he had to do was walk in the room and cough. she'd start wagging her tail. Yeah. She loved. She loved every sound that he made, but he just never. And then she died. Oh, my God. Of a broken heart.

Yep. 100%. And then he died. So maybe they're together again. Maybe this time around the... He's still mean to her. He probably still mean to her. The half-ass morning show.

93X. All right. We're awful close to escape. See Willie Miles is here. got to shut her down in just a couple of minutes, but first we were talking about names. Calling somebody by the wrong name, like calling your significant other. Never use names in the heat of passion. It's good advice, actually.

Yeah, I never used names. Yeah, I can't think that I ever did. No, never make that mistake. Calling your partner by the wrong name, especially when you're in the tall grass. That can get a guy shot. We also branched off just for a brief minute. and talked about pet names. The whole baby, babe, hun thing.

I never got involved in that. I'll admit, I find it kind of annoying. Here's a listener who texted in to say, a friend of his calls his wife Bunny, and it makes us all want to vomit when he does it. That's cute. That seems like something people in their 80s might do. If somebody your age did that, Ashley,

you wouldn't think that was strange? No, that's cute. But I love pet names. I like that little stuff. Oh, that stuff makes my skin crawl nine times out of, But I can top Bunny. I used to work with a guy who when he'd get on the telephone with his wife, he would refer to her as Shmoopee.

That's kind of bad. Or Shmoopy do. Shmoopy do. Or Shmoopy doodle. Okay, that's going too far. And he would put on a little, little, cute,y little voice. No. Yeah, no, I just do like that.

Did you just get up out of bed, Shmoopy do? Oh, my God. Snoopy a little tired? Not a grown man. Yeah, grown man. Oh, yeah, I would just, I would climb the walls, see Willie. That's how you get your man card taken away from you, though, too. Yeah, and he's not being funny.

He's just, that's what they do, huh? No. Dude. Here's a guy who was in, as we've been discussing, he was in the throes of passion with a woman. He had just met her. That's how it goes sometimes. And by damn, as he's pumping back and forth,

He could not remember her name. So the whole time he just kept saying, girl this or girl that, she stopped and said, you don't know my name, do you? Oh no. He admitted he did not. It killed things for a few minutes, he said,

but we got over it. Oh, damn. Yeah, what do you do with a woman? I mean, with a guy, you can just say, bro, man, dude. What's up, dude? You don't have to remember a name necessarily. I say girl all the time.

Girl. Girlfriend? Hey, what's up, girl? But what would a guy say, though? Lady. Same thing. Hey, lady. Hey, hey, girl.

Hey, you with the face. I don't think I could say hey girl to a girl. No? It wouldn't seem right to me. And here's a guy who has got to keep his act together. He's got to. And it would be easy to screw up. Here's the rundown.

His ex-girlfriend's name is Alyssa. His ex-wife's name is Alicia. And his current wife's name is Olivia. Yeah, that's not even fair. He says, ah, it's been close, he says. Oh, I bet. He's come close. Wow.

Alyssa, Alicia, and Olivia. Yeah. Might be time to branch out on names. You know, I dated a few girls with the same name. Oh, yeah? Which made a lot easy. That's really. slick. Well, now I'm trying to think.

Okay. Well, define dated. Well, boyfriend, girlfriend. Okay. Yeah. I've, and I'm putting quotes into the mix. I've known. Oh, sure. Intimately. I was trying to, okay, dated? Yeah, dated. I don't think I've doubled up on names as far as dating goes, but I certainly have as far as knowing goes.

What was your situation now? Same, same names. Same. So I may just make. made it pretty easy. It just kind of happened now. I don't think I'd be able to do that. Once, like, I've used a name. I'm good with that name. I'm sorry, you have to change your name.

Yeah. I mean, even if they're wonderful and everything you've dreamed of, if they have the same name as one of your exes, you wouldn't be able to go through with it. I already tried it. But what if it's a super common name, which is the case for me? Yeah. Like Matt or Mike or something.

I don't know if I could. If it's a very unique name. Miles. I usually, because I'm thinking about, like, what I've done in the past. And I usually steer clear. completely from anybody that has had. I like how you phrased it, though.

You said once I've used. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, I didn't even notice that. I was hoping. I'm glad you noticed. I was thinking of a fun way to put that. So the guy's on his knees saying, but I love you. And you're saying, sorry, your name's Rodney.

I already dated a guy named Rodney. My parents named me. Sorry. That doesn't seem fair to me, Cubby. I'm with you on that one. You were open-minded about it. I thought I was. Yeah.

According to Ashley, I've been doing it. were wrong. Thanks, Willie Miles. And have fun on the golf course. Always a great see you guys. Happy anniversary to I throw balls at kids for a living, Jesus.

Happy 49th birthday to Jody and Shoreview. Happy birthday to Pat, aka Little Owl. And happy 20th to Lincoln from Dad, Green Bay Attorney Jesus. Oh, hey, you beautiful podcast, people. Dana here, and I'll just cut right to the chase and tell you about standard heating and air conditioning

because I know you're looking forward to the show. Winter is coming. The time to get your furnace wrenched is now before the thing craps out and the boys below the belt shrivel up into pebbles because your house is so cold. Go to standard heating.com today and book that tune-up. Mention 93x and save a big double nickel. Yeah, 55 bucks off the price of those commenters would have to pay. All right. Enjoy the show, you beautiful people. I'm serious. You look great. Whatever you're doing, it's working. Keep it up.