93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Sick Fern, Bro

Episode Date: June 17, 2026

Originally Aired June 17, 2026: Description: Robo Bowl. Old fart balloons. Everything you've ever wanted to know about using a Ziploc bag as a condom.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back.

With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hatheap-ass morning show. Ninety-nine. I ran out of time, Covey. I didn't get a chance to do my mouth exercises. Oh, yeah.

I do see you do that sometimes. Get over here. Do some mouth stretching? Get over here and help me do my mouth exercises. Well, we're hanging in there, I think, as best we can. Hope you folks can say the same thing. yeah, we're hanging in there, and we're sure glad you're there for us this morning. That's part of what, I think that's part of what keeps us hanging in there.

That and the money. The money. Yeah, that totally helps. First joke of the morning. Welcome to the program. It's so nice and gloomy out. I love it. I love the rain.

You're enjoying the weather this morning. It reminds me of fall, so it puts me in a good mood. I do enjoy fall and I do enjoy a nice rainstorm. Well, that's just, that's wonderful. Yeah. I'm with you. I'm happy that you've come into the operation with a positive attitude. I wish we could turn the lights off and light some candles instead.

Maybe put up some string lights. We could. Like, kind of set the mood better. We could do that. If this place burned down, Cumulus could use the insurance money. It's just like aggressively bright all the time. Feel free to turn down the lights. The lights are harsh.

You have. Whatever you want. What's the gal's name? That's Ashley. You have free rain. If you'd like to come in here with your free time and make this studio out to be like a frat house basement with just a few holiday lights and some dirty posters or whatever.

You can do whatever you want. This studio is yours. As far as decorating goes, knock yourself out. I don't like the bright lights either. It's kind of necessary for some of what we do here. Oh, that's true. But show on up Saturday, Sunday. I'd love to see what you could come up with.

Or just some lamps would be nice. Just so we don't have to use the big light. I don't know if you guys are like that at your house, but I hate using the big light. Whatever you want. Yeah, I never turn on much lights at all. So you pick. If we're able to...

What's up with dudes in doing that? There's been times where I've... We're cheap. We don't want to pay for the electricity. I've left during the day and then came home when it's dark out and I walk in the house. My husband's just sitting there in the dark. I'm like, do you want to turn the light on, turn a TV on? I always do that.

We're kind of like wild animals, you know what I mean? Bright lights throw us. You know what I'm talking about? We're just big, dumb animals. What do they call that in the deer hunting world? Oh, shoot. Anyway, we don't like bright lights, dudes. It's just in our wiring.

So again, I agree with you. I think this place is too brightly lit. It's like an operating room in here. It's very depressed. I've heard people like clients will come in and boy, this is really depressing in here. Yeah, it's the whole vibe of the whole building. The bright lights highlight for a lack of a better turn. The mess that we have in front of us here.

So come on in. Bring your string lights. Bring your lava lamps and your. That would be so sick, some lava lamps. I mean, if we're still able to do what we have to do, you know, we need to be able to see if, you know, Josh and I being the older guys on the program, if we can still do the job with our now limited vision as we get older, I'm all for it. Okay, sweet. I might have a couple of old posters I can put up on the wall. We used to have lamp.

I brought in a bunch of lamps to one of our old studios. I don't know what happened to them. Maybe there's back in the piles of garbage we have at the other end of the building. I actually was thinking of taking some of that garbage. I was wondering if they would care at all. Probably not. They probably want to get rid of it, huh? Maybe.

I don't know. I like the idea, Ashley, I do. You know, I'm one of those dorks, Josh. I have a bin in my basement filled with all of the old posters that used to hang in my bedroom when I was a high school kid. Is that right? That's sweet. I'm surprised because you like to chuck stuff. Yeah, I do.

more often than not. Anything really cool? Is that why? I mean, I really don't know why I binned up all my old rock posters. Maybe because I spent a lot of money as a kid decorating my basement. My bedroom was kind of just the basement.

I had the whole friggin area. I was always jealous of people that had. I spent so much time and money on decorating. That's what I thought meant for that's what I thought made for a cool bedroom or basement when I was a kid was just to cover every inch of the walls with my kiss posters and my Ozzy Osbourne ACD. Any tapestries?

Oh, sure. Oh, I've got a few of them. Josh, I have a- David Lee Roth Edamon Smile tapestry. That's awesome. I would love that. We could hang some of that. Ashley again, it's all you.

No one's getting in your way. That sounds so sweet. You should bring that Ben in. I was like that. as a kid too where I every every every there's no wall space I mean there's nothing left and my car was the same thing my the back of my vehicle was all bumper stickers it drove my dad insane eventually when I got my yeah you were into bumper stickers oh I loved them but now I don't like anything I like completely bare walls you know I never I never went with the bumper sticker ever not once

I loved them yeah I don't anymore any memorable ones you can remember it was just all I liked. Okay. Yeah, nothing snarky or anything. No, like gas, grass, or ass or anything like that? No, nothing. Was that more common when you were a kid, though? Bumper stickers? Yeah. Yeah, I used to, I mean, I used to have a lot of bodies that had them. I saw one the other day, you know, like the baby on board thing? Baby on board. And it was on the back of a vehicle driven by the world's worst driver, and I thought they shouldn't have anything on board. It was terrible. I felt that's child protective services stuff right there. My basement slash bedroom was so hammered with rock posters and rock tapestries when I was a kid that I remember once my brother and I had a keg party in high school and a group of

gals that we didn't know all that well walked down into the basement. And I remember one of them saying, she looked around and she said to me, this is exactly what I pictured your basement to look like. It's not a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know, but she was right. I mean, probably she said that probably because while I was in school, all I really did was talk about hard rock, right? How much I loved Ozzy and Kiss. So I think that's when she walked in.

It was a reflection of my personality in school, I guess. Our room was kind of like a museum in the way that there's different, you know, themes for each segment because me and my brother, my cousin, shared a bedroom until my cousin went to college and then until I went to college. So we were into such different things. It looked like somebody who had some sort of like schizophrenia or something because it was completely different. Our styles of music and stuff we were really into.

It's a personality disorder. Boy, this person, like, they're really different in a lot of ways. It can be a different person in every corner of the room. And, you know, I suppose not much has changed. The bar in my home, I have decorated with my favorite hard rock records. in picture frames. So not much has changed. It's on a lesser scale than when I was a kid

where the entire basement was decorated. Now I've just got the bar area dedicated to that. When I first moved out the house, got my own place. I still kept some of those posters up in the basement living room, you know, my first house. And I remember my dad walking down into the basement for the first time and he sees some of those same kiss posters on the wall that I had when I was a kid.

And he said this. And he used a word that was so fitting of his personality. He looks around and he goes, Jesus Christ, you just can't let go with that kiss outfit, huh? Outfit. They weren't a band. If you're a truck driver, I think a lot of truck drivers use that word for companies. They were out.

So it wasn't a, kiss wasn't a band to him. It was an outfit. They are kind of more of a business than a band nowadays. They turned out to be, didn't they? Your dad was right. Well, there you go. Ashley is our new decorator. I would love to...

Interior designer. Interior designer, whatever label you're most comfortable with. I would love to come back to work on Monday and have this studio completely transformed into something else. How fun. I mean, we've been promised that afore, have we not? Yeah. Over and over and over.

The first time it would ever be followed through on. And this is the only studio transformation that we could afford. Probably. Yeah, just random decorations that I have left. Like we were saying, it's like a high school or a college kid. if you spend any money on lights, we'll split it with you. All right. Deal.

Dana, since you, well, how long have you been here? Five years. Five years. Okay. Since you've been here, yes. How many times were you told the studios were going to be completely redone? It was going to be beautiful.

And, you know, by Monday, there's going to be a change. About once a month for the last five years. That's about right. No, honestly, it is. They keep dangling that carrot. Yeah. I've been excited about it. I fall for it every time.

I've stopped falling. It's never going to have. happen. Yeah, it's funny. You see like some other studios, you know, like local radio stations, they'll be on TV or whatever, and they show the studios. And I think, man, that's nice. Yeah. I got a nice set of. No, there was one recently where

a station across town, they did look at our new studio. So they show it, and I'm like, wow, that looks fantastic. That's gorgeous. That was the before. And then they reveal the after. It was so much like, I thought the before was their new studio. I saw that. Was that KS. 95? Yeah. Yeah. Awesome.

They're showing them. I'm like, oh my God, the thing's gorgeous. And then that was like the reveal then to show, look how bad it was and look how nice it is now. We put a window in here, Ashley. That'd be great. Yeah. I think that'd be like therapy if we could figure out how to do that, I'm sure.

Oh, wow. A couple people. A couple folks have texted in to our text machine, 651, 989, 93, and they've sent in pictures of rock. posters that they had or still currently have hanging in their home. A listener named Ken sent me a really cool looking Paul Stanley poster from 1978 that he still has hanging in his garage. That was my makeup, dude.

That was just, I thought that was just how a dude expressed himself back in those days. Put up pictures of your favorite rock stars so folks know who they're dealing with. Hey, look, yesterday we made the official announcement that our Independence Day booze crews is sold smooth out. And we're very thankful for that. You folks sold the sum bitch out in record time. And just the first of many reminders, we're planning on going through with an attitude shirt contest on the boat. We got onto the subject of stupid attitude shirts the other day. I think a listener was the one who came.

up with the idea, texted in with the idea for a contest on the boat, for best, worst, stupidest, whatever, attitude shirt. And we thought, why the F not? So if you bought a ticket, if you're joining us on July 10th, feel free to show up with your best, worst, favorite attitude t-shirt. The dumber, the better. And as we discussed a day or two ago, most of them are really effing dumb. So it should be something to see. Yeah, this will be fun. I'm looking forward to that. I got mine already. Oh, did you? I was going to buy you one.

Oh, no, no, go ahead. Go ahead. I mean, not that I want you to spend any money on me. You spend way too much money on me as it is, but I would love to see your ideas. You always have great ideas. Okay. Well, yeah, I don't want to step on your toes. No, no.

You're not stepping on my toes because it just so happens. I was gifted an attitude t-shirt, I think on my birthday a year or two ago. And I just, it just dawned on me last night. Well, if I need an attitude shirt, I have one already. It's very subtle compared to most, the one that I have hanging. So I'd love to see what you could come up with for me, Josh. It was more like it's not hilarious or anything, but I just think you'd absolutely love it. I'm sure I would.

If it's a gift from you, if it's something that you find funny, I bet I will. The one I have hanging, I don't mind spoiling it. Who cares? I like to play pocket billiards with my... pals on Saturday nights. And so this pool shooting buddy of mine got me a T-shirt, Josh. And on the front of the T-shirt, it's a rack of billiard balls and a couple of cue sticks crossed over each other.

And it says on the underneath, Josh, it says, the talent has arrived. That's great. But like I said, that's very subtle. Now, here's the deal. if you want to get involved in this, you know, I don't know how detailed we'll get with it on the boat. If we'll get five finalists up in front of the crowd and have the crowd vote, it all depends on how big a response we get.

But if you plan on getting involved in our attitude shirt showdown on the boat, there are going to be some frigging rules. Be reasonable for Christ's sake. Nothing wildly offensive. Let's be adults about this. I think that's a fitting slogan for our 20 and 26 Independence Day booze crews. Let's be adults about this. That's the slogan.

Yeah, we don't need any hateful messages. No hateful messages. It's supposed to be a fun event. No politics. Save that crap for a different party. We don't want any of your political crap mess with our good time. Use good judgment. We're looking for laughs.

The Attitude Shirt Showdown is what we're calling it, Josh. That'll be fun. Yeah, I don't know if maybe the web, department can well maybe this is maybe that'd be going too far i was going to say maybe if folks wanted to send in pictures of themselves wearing the shirts we could have people vote on the finalists i don't know if that would ever happen i like the idea but i don't know that maybe that's i think i'd be too lazy to take a picture of myself and send it in we can just pick a winner on the boat sure pick a winner and a loser and somewhere in between on the boat god this paul stanley poster is cool job

did you see the one i'm talking about yeah that is cool he would cool when he was young. Anyway. Mary Saturn Jesus just sent a picture from 10 years ago on the boat, and he's wearing a shirt that says he loves the C word for gentlemen with an arrow point into one side. Oh, oh, to his friend. So whoever's standing next to him. That's the person that loves the wiener.

Yes, it's going to be, maybe it's to steal an old song lyric, Josh, seeing how we're going to have an attitude shirt showdown on our boat party, we're going to party like it's 1999. I know, we really are. Because that's pretty much the time period when every swing and D in town had some stupid attitude shirt. It was around 99, 2000, 2000, odd one. And then after, was it kind of after that, the two tight Ed Hardy shirts were really popular? Same.

Right in that wheelhouse. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. That's bad. It was a tough time, Ashley. You know, you know what? Sometimes I feel bad for young people.

certain ways. And Dana, I feel bad for your age group because when we were younger, nobody knew how to fight really. There's a couple people that did. And a fight when it was over, it was over. But when you got to about fighting age, everybody knew how to fight. Thanks to the UFC and things like that. Everybody's taking lessons. Everybody can kick ass. And sometimes it doesn't end when the person hits the ground. People are just looking for a reason to fight too. That UFC arrow and the UFC popped in. I know I am.

Looking for a fight. I don't have a name here, but this person's sending a shirt that has a, it just says insert cheesy bread with an arrow pointing up. That's pretty fun. That's awesome. It'd be Bosco sticks for you, Ashley. Yes. Anything with the cheese. An arrow points to their face and it says insert cheesy bread.

Cheesy bread. Perfect. That's so cute. Yeah, I like stuff like that. There are a few glimmers of hope in the attitude. shirt world. There are. And that, that's a great example right there. By the way, we got a text from a listener who says, I have an Attitude shirt that I know would win your Attitude Shirt Showdown, but the state of Minnesota forbids me from boarding any boat.

Can we sit on the dock? Sorry, bro. Are you even allowed on the dock? What did you do? It's very specific. This is going to be, I think this will add a little fun to the situation. I got to be honest, until I've known of these shirts, but I've never heard of them called Attitude shirts until you guys referred to them as that. Oh, is that what old guys call them? I don't know.

What do you call them? We didn't really have a name for them. Oh, okay. Maybe we're, that's how I've always referred to him and always heard, but maybe we're wrong. No, I'm sure you're right. I just hadn't heard it before. The 20 and 26 Independence Day booze cruise, the slogan, let's be adults about this.

That gets you excited when you hear a slogan like that, doesn't it? Yeah? If you're our age, yes. Yeah, that gets you excited. If you're Ashley's age, maybe not. No. Well, we don't want people of Ashley's age to show up in the first place. Yeah.

You know what else is going on at the radio station? Josh and I found out yesterday, I'm really looking forward to this. You know, as I've told you before, I am still one of those swinging Ds that still likes to listen to the radio. I know there's, we know better than anybody else in town. There's fewer and fewer of you. My friend, you guys call them your boss. I call them my friend. Derek, our program director yesterday, told us that sometime around Independence Day,

is this correct, Josh? 93X is going to put together a little segment where they're going to, since it's the 250th anniversary of our country, 93X is going to do some kind of the 250 greatest songs by American artists. The American 250 is what they're calling it. I've heard the ads played. Oh, you have? Or the promos played on the station.

I'm glad there were promos running because suddenly I thought, uh-oh, what if this doesn't happen? And I'm making this. No, it's going to happen. Okay. I should be more clear. The 250 greatest rock songs made by American artists. That sounds frigging fun. Yeah, you know, he was pretty stressed yesterday.

He's trying to get this thing all put together. That's a lot of work. Jesus. 250 friggin songs. But you can help. If you go to 93x.com, you can see a list where you can suggest five songs you think should be on. Really? Yeah.

That's great. Which would be greatly helpful. And then, you know, you get to be a part of it. Oh, I got to go on there and vote. I wouldn't want to be the one that has to sit down and collect 250 friggin' songs. He was sweating thinking, oh, my gosh, this is a big project. He's going to be, he's going to lose his friggin' mind. he's going to hate American rock music by the time this is over.

I told him just cheat and play, you know, appetite for destruction or just go away, like, just find a whole album from an American artist. I bet there'll be a few singles off that Appetite for Destruction record. Guns and Roses, right, Josh? Yeah, it's the band I know that is. Appetite for... We've got a lot going on around here.

So there you go. Nail gun Jesus says there was attitude buttons that you could, you know, like your... Like hockey moms would pin on their shirts? Sure. Attitude buttons. I missed that movement. I haven't seen that either.

Oh, like the pieces of flare at the restaurant and office space. You know, she had all those buttons on the shirt, you know? Yeah, you need more flare. Me need more flair. TGI Fridays did that. Yeah. I'm sure that's the reference. I suppose, yeah.

You're right. It's same as someone who had to wear flare. I just, I never saw that from. anybody, an attitude. I haven't either. Button. All right, this is funny. Hauling your equipment, Jesus sent in a picture of a T-shirt where Jesus looks exasperated. He's

just very upset and it says OMG, you guys, that is not what I said. That's perfect. That is very funny. No, that's not what I meant. No, no, no.

What do you got in mind, Josh? What kind of a statement do you want to make at our attitude shirt boat party? I wanted something funny and patriotic. And I thought that the, you know, just a couple of them that I wanted to get. I don't want to ruin it quite yet. I get it. But just know, when you see a sexy body on the boat and it's wrapped up in a maroon t-shirt with billiard balls and cue sticks and it says,

the talent has arrived. That would be me. Unless, of course, the shirt that you get for me is even better than that. Then maybe I'll wear your shirt and I'll tuck the other shirt into my waistband and I'll show that. I don't know. Yeah, whichever you like. Hang it over the stuff. Yeah, I'll have to get a new one because this is fun.

Don't you. I like looking at them. Don't you be worrying about attitude shirts. When I got into that. You have a greater responsibility. Which is, oh, decorating? Decorating the studio. Yes.

I got introduced to like that kind of stuff like that attitude shirts and stuff from Happy Bunny. Some listeners in the audience might know what that is, but it was like a big thing when I was younger. It's like this stupid drawing of a bunny. And it's just like a happy little, happy little person. Yay. But then it says something under it.

Like go F yourself or something? Yeah. Like I know how you feel. I just don't care. I hate everything. Okay. So the contradiction there is Happy Bunny, but he's got something smart-ass to say. Yeah.

Some of the stuff got really bad. I was surprised my mom didn't yell at me for that kind of stuff. But yeah, I had the posters all around my room. You were totally into the Happy Bunny. Yeah, it was a whole vibe. All right, Wolfback Softball, Jesus, sent me a photo. They went to a family trip in Mexico last month. Wow.

And they all had Attitude shirts on. There's a woman. There's a picture of some foliage that says, Bush needs a trim. Another, a girl has one that says zero days since I last charted. See, that's where I

start to get aggravated, but I understand some of you just find that type of thing funny. Zero days since she last sharded. Sharded. This one says Ask me about explosive diarrhea. I have pubic lice. I eat

bananas. That's the end of that one. I have puberty. Yep. I eat Bananas, not for the taste. I'm sorry, I screwed that up. I eat bananas for the shape, not for the taste. And there's a grandma-age woman here has a T-shirt that says, Retired Porn Star. Oh, here's another.

I didn't even see this other one. I'm not a good wiper, this shirt. Oh, God. That's outstanding stuff. I'll go get in the pool. There's one more on here. I can't read it. I can't, meaning like I literally can't tell what it says.

Well, if that's just a taste of what we're going to get come July 10th, then we're going to have nothing but laughs, wall the wall. Well, I should say, bow to stern. I'm so excited. Take it easy. Oh, I shouldn't be that excited. Just take it easy. Here's the last shirt.

I just zoomed in. It says, okay, chat, how do I uncrap my pants? Did they have, you know, I was. I've been there. How do you reverse this? There is no way to reverse that. There's got to be a way to reverse it. Nothing you can do, Josh.

Not even through prayer? I even took a big deep breath in. Yeah. To try to suck it back up, nothing you can do about it. It's a terrible, terrible feeling. Does the shirt have to have words on it? Because I saw someone with funny pictures. Like, there's a couple of wanting to get.

Are the Johnny Cash giving the middle finger, that whole thing? Yeah, it could be something like that. Sure, it can be a picture. That's a very good question. I'm glad you brought it up. be a picture. Again, let's be adults about this. We're not looking to offend anybody. We're not looking to start fights in Stillwater because of your over-the-top offensive shirt. But yeah, pictures are close enough. Okay, good. Yeah.

I freeze it up a little bit. Wide open, Cubby. That's a good one. She's wide open. I'm looking forward to this. That'll be fun. You ought to. You ought to be able to look forward to something. Finally, right? Yeah. Been a while since we've all looked forward to anything. So anyway. Yeah, a lot of people, there's a lot of penis shirts out there, a lot of... Tell me what a penis

shirt is. Like one's based on your penis, some attitude shirts that talk about your penis or other people's penises. Dinky doo? Has anyone texted in the Dinky doo t-shirt? I haven't seen that, but there's variations of Angry Bus Driver Jesus said, I may be shy, but I have a huge penis and there's a lot of variations of that coming in okay all right talking about your body style or something and then but i have a huge penis i'll talk about your body style i will all right

so there you go we've got that in the mix and we'll continue to remind you as we get closer and closer to the porty now what all right sorry uh book nerd cheeses sent in a photo of her two-year-old son's camping shirt And it's got a couple people grilling hot dogs over an open fire. Sure. And it said it's all fun in games until someone burns their wiener. If I saw a two-year-old wearing that. I don't want to high-five the kid.

I love it. There you go. I can see that. That's adorable. All right, let's get moving. She's our Wednesday broadcast, but maybe we should let the cat out of the bag. It's more like a Thursday broadcast because we will be taking Friday off. I forgot about that.

I remember that on the way in yesterday. So tomorrow's ultimate effort. It's been a long time time since I held my breath for that long. Yeah. You know, you don't have to hold your breath. I held my breath. Did you really? It's the longest I've ever.

You know, it's weird. I do too. Why? Why do I hold my breath? I can just like press this button right here and turn it off. Part of the reason why I better not fall off that boat because that's as long as I could hold my breath right there. I was kind of hoping that, hey, you're off the air alarm would go.

I was just thinking that same thing. I think we're getting close. Close to that. Yeah, I've got a couple more seconds. Maybe some folks didn't hear me. Yeah, let's try that again. Today's more like our Thursday. Today's more like our Thursday than it is a Wednesday because we're taking Friday as a vacation day.

Dang, it didn't go. No. Is there one more thing that's not working? Today is more like, what? I think we got to go at least 15 seconds. You have a second counter in there. All right, try that out. Okay.

You really want to do this one more time? Yeah. Well, we don't have to. There's an audible alarm? Oh, yeah. You'll hear it. Oh, really? Yeah.

So, Dana, like, put your hand up when it hits 15 seconds. We'll just give up if it doesn't work. Okay. One more try. I did not know there's an audible alarm, and we'll all be able to hear it? Yes. Today's more like a Thursday because we'll be taking Friday. It's not working.

Nah, that sucks. Nothing around here works. Off. We'll be right back. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on?

podcasters, we're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible.

If you don't control your money, it controls you. You're not in control of your finances. You have to look outside of yourself to live the life that you want. You're not in control. You're like, like, what is it that you actually want? Money should follow the dreams and goals because sometimes we make the dream and goal the money, and you've overworked yourself and you've exceeded what you've needed for the actual thing you want. Sometimes we forget, like, what's the actual thing you want?

Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Cubby. Josh, you're about done. What do you mean? I'm about ready to ruin you. Oh, why?

We were talking about our Attitude Shirt Showdown, which is going to be part of the festivities of our Independence Day booze crews come July 10th out there on the St. Croix. Part of the fun is anyone who's planning to attend, if you've bought yourself a ticket, it's sold smooth out, your SOL if you don't have a ticket yet. everyone who's bought a ticket is invited to join in on our Attitude shirt showdown. You show up to the boat wear your favorite hilarious attitude shirt.

And we'll have some kind of a contest maybe. If we don't get too many beers in us, maybe we'll have some kind of an organized contest and pick a winner. Wear your favorite attitude shirt. The slogan, again, for this year's Booze Cruise, Independence Day version of the Booze Cruise, the slogan is, let's be adults about this. Someone actually texted in and said, what if I went out and made a T-shirt that said, the booze crews, 2026,

let's be adults about this. That sounds like fun. Yeah, that's great. Go ahead. I love the slogan. But a few people have texted in some more examples of what they find to be fun or funny attitude shirts.

And I think I have one here at the ass end. It's going to ruin you. You're going to be workless for the rest of the day. I can't wait. Wirtless. Well, first off, someone sent in a picture of, what the hell do I call this thing? It's like a little miniature human being, kind of a... Yeah, it'd be a child.

A child? A baby? A baby would work? Smaller than the average human. It doesn't look terribly intelligent just yet. They're getting there. A baby. The little baby is wearing an attitude t-shirt that says all mommy wanted was a back rub.

I see that one. I almost got a couple of those when I found out I was pregnant, but I was like, Some of those are a little bad. Like I liked one and had like a picture of a rifle or whatever, and it said, like, I'm proof that my daddy doesn't shoot blanks. Shooting blanks. I've seen one that are for dads more that say all dad wanted was a BJ. Oh, Malax Lake Rubber Ducky Jesus.

He's got a T-shirt that says two inches can do a lot of damage at 90 miles per hour. Here's one where it's a picture, and it's a human beings. helplessly being sucked into the sky by an alien ship, right? A gamma ray is being shot down to the earth, and it's sucking a human being up into the bottom of this spaceship, and it says here, get in, loser, we're doing butt stuff. This is the one I think that might cause Cubby to bust a spring, sent in by a listener.

And first off, it's got a wonderful drawing. on the front of the t-shirt of a medieval night on horseback. Cool. Yeah. You like those medieval-type television shows. I love that kind of stuff. They're wearing the armor and the swords. Right.

So it's a medieval night on horseback. And the t-shirt says, Thou may ingest a satchel of Richards. That's good. You can keep this. Put that on the wall. That's so much more clever than just eat a bag of deeds. It is.

It's more regal in the delivery. You had me at Thou, by the way. Thou may ingest a satchel of Richards. Third satchel is just funny for some reason, too. You don't hear that one very often. So again, if you're planning on joining us for the July 10th, Independence, day booze cruise. Bring an attitude t-shirt.

Wear an attitude t-shirt. We're asking you to be reasonable. We're asking you not to be wildly offensive. We're asking you to shove your political opinion up your ass. You can go to your own party where you rage back and forth about politics with a hateful t-shirt. That's not going to be part of our setup. We're looking for what, Covey? Laughs. Good times.

That's it. Laughs. Adults. Let's be adults about this. There's a lot of funny stuff where you don't have to spew hatred in any way. That's right. Although some of those are funny too. But we're asking you not to wear them. But if you got a picture on your cell phone, you want to show it, that's understandable.

Oh, shirts with just, thank you for saying pictures, because you asked this question earlier, and it opened up a fresh can of worms. Can an attitude t-shirt just simply have a picture on it? Absolutely. Doesn't have to have words. You can just have a picture. Here's a T-shirt that says Selling D, $40 an inch, buy all three for $100. That's a savings of $20.

You're a bargain hunter. Yeah, I try. By nature. Price shop. Coupon cutter. All right. Today's stupid news report is right here. And it goes like this.

Oh, birthday parties. They have. The way I look at it, Cubby, there are a few obvious birthdays in one's lifetime that warrant a full-blown four-alarm celebration. 20, 40, 50, 75, and up. What was it again? I'm sorry, maybe I misspoke. Yeah, I did. 21, 40, 50, 75 and up.

Other than that, I think folks need to get over their birthdays and get over themselves. For example, don't bother me because you turn in 32. I think 30 is normal. It's not. It's like a normal celebrate. Because when you go to the store and you see like... It's abnormal. Go to like the birthday aisle.

They will have like a section for 30. 30, 40, 50, 60. That's fake news. I can't... 2140, 50, 75 and up. That's it. Weren't you excited to be able to say, Lordy, Lordy, now I'm 40?

Or I... Well, yeah, I included 40 in there. I know you did. But I'm saying like, or the I'm dirty 30s, that kind of thing. thing. 21, 40, 50, 75 and up. Why not? Why are you even 30 out?

That does seem like a milestone to me. Yeah, it is. There's like a whole, uh, what am I looking for? What word? What word? You guys live in a franchise around that. You live in a fake world. Like death, death to my 20s.

People do that. They do like a funeral vibe. A lot of black. Not 60 even. Nope. Hey, by the way, when is it appropriate to, uh, bring out the old fart balloons. Because it used to be 30.

And then 40. The old fart balloons. Wait, 50's not a milestone birthday? Yeah, it's in there. 21, 40, 50, 75 and up. I got that kind of stuff for my husband's 30th birthday that he just had. Like, I, like, that stupid. And I think it was meant for, like, 50-year-olds at the store.

But I was like, ah, this is funny because he's older than me. He's going to die before me. So, yeah, I got a lot of that, like, Uh, old folks, one way or some, you know, stupid signs like that. For a 30-year-old. Yeah. That's the dumbest thing I've heard all day. What about 18?

And life, you got it. I guess I missed 18. Sure. I'll go along with 18. 16. Huh? 16. You know, sweet 16.

You get your license. Take it. You can have that one. Thirteen. Yeah, yeah. Add that to the list. Tell a teenager. Okay.

Every single birthday is significant. About time. Every single one of them. Now let's talk half birthdays. We never answered your question about old fart balloons. Yeah, I was waiting for somebody to text in the correct answer. It's got to be older than 40 now, don't you think? I think it's 50.

50 is the old fart time. I don't care. I just love the concept of an old fart balloon. I remember my aunt got hers at her 40th birthday, and I thought that was. She was kind of a notorious farder. Wasn't she? Oh, wow. Yeah.

I thought you were joking for a second. No, they'd hang around. All right, fine. They're the ones that would linger, you know. Let me start this over again. Every single birthday is significant from the day that you are born until you are put into the grave. Yep. Yeah, about time.

There you go. And all this talk about birthdays, nobody has acknowledged that it's my birthday month right now. My birthday month. Oh, you got a whole month? I got a whole month. It's my birthday month. Because your birthday is in two weeks. Yeah.

A little less than two weeks. 13 days. I only got 13 days left in my birthday month. What am I going to do once in July 1st? and no longer my birthday month. Well, Ashley, don't she have a birthday week? What do you mean? Like, I guess I just noticed that it's the week of my birthday.

I don't really, like, go and do anything special. Oh, I thought you'd said before you've wrapped a whole week around your birthday. No, I just like a notice, I guess. I'm like, oh, yay, fun. Like, be nicer to me kind of vibe. For a whole week? Yep. What if we want to be mad at the day after your birthday?

That's fine. That's just the week ahead. That's like a whole different ball game. Yeah. Here's a guy who cut her loose in a big way back on his 39th birthday. And this was a couple years ago, don't you know? He came up on his 39th birthday. He threw a party.

And by God, he cut her loose. Now, this effing guy comes off like such a colossal jackstand. that I'm sure his birthday party had little to do with all this nonsense that I'm about to tell you. He's obviously one of those ticking time bomb type of maniacs that's just waiting for a reason to bust a spring. But this all did take place at his 39th birthday party. It says here now Justin is the guy's name. As hat Justin. It says here, he inhaled.

A full handle of that Jack Daniels there at his 39th birthday party. That'll do it. And then he took to firing a gun at a police helicopter that was making its way through the neighborhood. He's lucky he's not dead. I would probably do that after drinking a handle of Jack Daniels. I'm sorry, one more time? I would probably do that after drinking a handle of Jack Daniels. Oh yeah, I'm not in my right mind whatsoever.

I hope I'm never drunk enough where I'm, I think it's normal to shoot at somebody. Right. Much less police helling. I think you could give me two handles of Jack Daniels. There's not a chance in hell I'm picking up a gun and firing it at anybody or anything. Oh my God, no. Yeah, I'm blacked out. I'm not even in my body at that point.

But yet you could see yourself shooting. Yeah, exactly, because I'm just doing like whatever. Like I just would have no control over my actions. I'd be doing whatever. If I ever drink a handle of Jack Daniels and there's any guns around me, just take them away just in case. I guess it's never been that drawing. I can't imagine ever, ever doing that in the first place,

much less deciding I'm going to go start shooting at people. Again, this was a couple years ago. The story tells me that Justin got angry at his family for one reason or another at his little stupid birthday party. His childlike anger and all that whiskey caused him to grab up. his gun and he emptied an entire magazine into the walls of his apartment. Yikes. His disgusted and terrified family called the cops.

And when he found that out, when he found out that they had contacted the police, hammered off his ass. Justin, he then made his way up to the second floor of his apartment building where he dumped some bullets into the side of the side of the house. that police helicopter that I was telling you about. And like Josh said, I'm surprised to read this, but the story says that Justin shot at the police helicopter for over 20 minutes, in that amount of time, how was he not just killed dead by the cops? Yeah, I don't know. Over 20 minutes, he's rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat. Luckily, no one was shot dead or mangled beyond repair.

Just recently, Justin was sentenced to over nine years in federal prison. And the judge said, if your aim hadn't been so piss poor, you could have hurt or killed the individuals in that helicopter. So long, sucker, the judge said. That happened at a 39th birthday part. Personally, doesn't count in my book, but you guys see things differently. Oh, no, 39. We're with you on that one. Oh, all right, here we go.

Last week, a highway cop in Arizona had to arrest a lady. Oh, what did I write down here? Highway cop in Arizona had to arrest a lady. This gal went on down the highway. She's in a motor vehicle, don't you know? She went on down the highway at a smooth 108 miles per hour. That's unsafe. 43, cubby.

43 F me run in miles per hour over the posted speed limit. Cops pulled her over. They asked her. you know, what do you got? Sh in your pants? Why are you driving like that? The gal told the cop that she needed to get home. She needed to get home as quickly as possible

so she could catch the latest episode of a television program called Love Island. Oh, yeah, that's super hot right now. I think I've seen a few minutes of that one because my wife watches it. The women don't wear a lot of clothing on that program, Cubby. That's the secret to success of that type of show. And it seems like the casting directors tend to lean towards mostly attractive people. Very attractive people, I would even go as far as to say. Can I guess that they also are a bit provocative?

Oh, yeah. And sexually ambivalent? I watched a couple of episodes of that because of everybody talking about it. And it's really uncomfortable. Question. They just made up a lot. Oh, I got two questions. Oh, yeah.

One, why is it uncomfortable? Because all the making out? Yeah, I don't like watching people kiss. It's gross. Grow us. Isn't that a streaming show? It's on Netflix. So she could have got home at any time.

I think they do like live reunions and things like that, potentially. So, I mean. But yeah, but still, it's still going to be there when she gets home. I would think your Netflix subscription is quite a bit cheaper than whatever ticket she's going to get. And it's not like, yeah, you're not rushing home to see a Seinfeld episode in 1997. Or if you missed it, that's it. Yeah, they didn't even screwed until you catch it on a rerun a couple summers later. You know, you guys, we were talking about birthdays.

minutes ago. We'll get back to this lady in Arizona. We were talking about birthdays. I think there's a few standard ones that you should celebrate full on for alarm. Other than that, you should leave us alone. When you turn 33, nobody cares. You guys see things differently, and you started talking about birthday months and birthday weeks. Here's a listener who texted in to say, birthday month, birthday week. What are you, rookies? He likes to celebrate Josh, something he calls his birth decade. Sounds expensive. It's a 10-year-long party.

He says, 10 years of straight ego fulfillment. Okay, the lady in Arizona, 100 at 8 miles per hour. And she told the cops she had to get her carcass home so she could catch the latest episode of a sexy television program called Love Island. Island. Well, here's what I have in front of me. Peacock airs new episodes of the Love Island series Damn Near Every Day. Oh, it's every day. Oh, it's not net. Oh, it's peacock. I got you. Whatever. It doesn't matter. I couldn't remember when you guys said it. That part doesn't matter. As we all know, that's not an excuse to risk the lives of every swing and D out there on the highway

by driving like a puke bag. So this gal was arrested for reckless driving and they impounded her vehicle. Yeah, she had it coming. So the cops don't just give you a police escort home, a totally understanding way you have to watch Love Island. Of all the shows, I wouldn't expect that. You could say like, I want to catch the Super Bowl or something like that. Love Island. Yeah, that show sucks.

It's not the program I expected to hear in that situation. You don't like the program? No. Fair enough. It's very trash. Mediocre at best trucker Jesus says this about, birthday. 16, 18, 21, 30, 40, 50, 50, 65, 75, death. Yep. Well, wait a minute. Yep. You argued with me when I

thought, when I mentioned there were only standard. But now you're saying yep to that guy. What do you mean? Well, you were just missing some of them. I was missing some. Yeah. Yeah, we just thought 16, 18, and 30 should be on the list. Yes. And 50. It seemed like those would be reasonable. 25 or 6 to 4? What was that Chicago song? All these numbers being thrown out, it made me think of that Chicago sign. What's the 25? Remember that one, Josh?

I don't remember any lyrics ever. Well, it's the title of the song. Yeah, even so. 26, 5. Someone text me. What's that frigging Chicago song with the numbers in it? All right, this here will bring back memories of that movie, 25 or 6 to 4. I think that's the title.

This will bring back memories of that movie, which was called, good luck catching me if you're going to be a bitch about it or something close to that. Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio. Catch me if you can. Catch me if you can. You were close. Yeah. And actually I think that's a better title.

Good luck catching me if you're going to be a bitch about it. Hey, wait a minute. That is a great movie title. That one really grabs you. Tom Hanks and Leonardo DiCaprio movie. What I have here for you is apparently one of the all-time scams on record. An Air Canada airplane pilot says here

the some bitch flew hundreds of flights transported thousands of Canadians all over the damn planet and all the while he had a fake pilot's license. Yeah, you'd hope they'd vet guys like that a little better. People that are texting in saying 867309. No, that was Tommy Two Tone. The old Chicago song was 25 or 6 to 4.

I was correct. Thousands of airplane rides. This guy steered the airplane up and down. You know how they do. For 17 years, he was behind the, what do they call it in the business, Josh? The yoke. The yoke. Never had a real pilot's license.

This fake Canadian pilot dude. He was an airplane captain for Air Canada from 1998 all the way until last year. Somehow, some way Air Canada, they found out about this dude. dude. They found out he was a phony, though a clearly skilled phony. Yeah, that's one thing. He obviously must have been a pretty good pilot. Yeah, he knew what the F he was doing. He wasn't looking to hurt anyone. If he wanted to kill a plane load of Canadians, he could have done that a long time ago. So I think if you asked me, it's obvious he was in it for the money and for that hot Canadian action. Canadian police

arrested the dude a couple weeks ago. He's looking at charges of fraud. Air Canada is saying this now. They say they're trying to cover their ass a little bit here, and I totally understand that. They're saying safety was not compromised by this feller. All of their pilots must undergo mandatory training reminder type things, right? They retrain these guys every six months to validate their flying skills. You know, every handful of months, these guys are. Did you use the word vetted, Josh?

I don't know if I did. Maybe that's not the right word. But this guy was retrained and trained and trained and trained, and he passed every test along the way for 17 years. So like we established, he was a phony, but he knew what he was doing. They never had any reason to question him until recently. If a co-pilot was concerned, they would have spoke up. Absolutely.

So Air Canada. He wasn't in there going, all right, real quick. Now, what do these two buttons do right there? Stabbing at. What else did Air Canada say? that say they said throughout his employment he was fully trained this is just crazy he successfully met or exceeded the required training

demonstrated a high level of competency to safely operate large aircraft now there's no information here as to how he got his hands on that pilot license how the hell he prepared himself for that job from the get-go i mean day one was he guessing on day one There's no way he was guessing on day one. He would have killed everybody. Yeah, he obviously knew how to fly, but just didn't have the correct licensure.

There you friggin' go. What should say here? Someone seems to know a thing or two about this story. It says he had a pilot's license. It just wasn't for passenger planes. Which is a federal crime. Okay, we'll see about that. All I read in the story was something about fraud.

Powerline Jesus brings up a good point. To be a pilot, all you have to do is learn to speak really long-winded as you address the cabin. That's right. Boy, that original message that the pilot sends through the intercom there when you're waiting to take off in your airplane, that original message, it means more to me than the pilots will ever understand. You know what I mean? If the guy says, welcome to flight 16 from Minneapolis to him. I'd grip my chair and prepare for death.

But if the guy comes off and says, hey, welcome everybody to Flight 16 from Minneapolis. I go, okay, here we go. You know what I mean? Yeah. There's something about that delivery. It means everything to me. You don't want to hear the pilot taking his retainer out right before. No, no.

I want that some bitch to sound like he's been through everything. All right, before we go, go ahead and finger this one out for me because I got nothing. A popular tourist attraction in New Zealand has been temporarily closed. Closed because of what they call here multiple incidents involving human feces. That's a fancy-smancy way to say that people have been pulling off their pants, Josh, and underwears, and then they've been pushing out turd logs all over this effing joint. It's a place called the fernery, which is, hang on to something now, a building full of

ferns. Appropriately named. Like the plant. You know what I mean? Yep. The fernery. Wall-to-wall ferns. And I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking that maybe it's the pure unfiltered excitement that's causing so many people to drop doo-do from one end of the building to the other. Yes. After all, it's a building filled with ferns, Josh. We're only human. Our bodies can only manage so much excitement before something gives way. Take my money. I don't care how. How long the line is, I'm getting in there.

I can see you coming home from that trip with a souvenir t-shirt from the fernery. I looked at some of the photos in there thinking, well, maybe there's some ferns I've never seen a four. And I'd just be mystified, but no, they all kind of look exactly the same. And I know this is not the point of the story. But how in God's name is a building filled with ferns determined to be a, quote, tourist attraction? That's how the story starts. a popular tourist attraction in New Zealand had to be... It's a building full of ferns.

You're telling me tourists go to New Zealand to see this frigging thing? Must be not much else to do. That's got partly the name, right? The fernary. You better check that out. But again, that's not the point. I'd check it out. You're going to check out the fernary?

Get Josh a t-shirt, an attitude t-shirt. Josh, before the story is over, you need to create an attitude t-shirt related to the fernery. Well, I want Ashley to get... hit me one. Be surprised. Yeah, that's more fun. No, no, no. Yeah, I want her to come up with one. Ashley, for the story is over, you need to come up with an attitude t-shirt related to the fernary that you can gift to Josh. Okay? Use all your creative skills. Oh, God, okay. I'm stressed.

So anyways, the folks who run this nightmare, they say everywhere they turn these days, they're finding a fresh stack of human stool. And obviously they can't allow people to walk around in that kind of thing, so they have to keep closing the joint down. And then they got to call the new guy, because the new guy always gets stuck with the job, right? New guys got to clean everything up. The fernary folks also say that there are plenty of bathrooms there.

So does anyone else think that social media clowns might be the top suspect here? Probably. That this is the latest teenage virgin online challenge to take a dump. at New Zealand's top tourist attraction and then put it on MySpace? It's got to be something like that, right? I mean, most reasonable people aren't going to do that. Or even just hear about it from a buddy and say, yeah, I'm going to take a crap in there.

I'm going to really save one up. The cops are on the case, Josh. The new cops, of course, are on the case because veteran cops have better things to do, right, than to track down people who take at the fornery. Yeah. So the new cops are on the case. they're all over this. Okay, what's your name?

Let me ask you about the new cop, though. The new cop. Like the new guy on the force? He sees all that poop. Yeah. There's a good chance. There's a good chance he's going to find himself in the corner puking his guts up. But he's going to try to man up for now and hold it in as best he can.

Okay, Ashley, you were challenged by the end of this story to come up with an attitude t-shirt related to this tourist attraction in New Zealand, which is filled with ferns. It's called the fernery. What do you got? All right. You guys ready. I think we have to be. I'm going to really regret that we didn't have Josh handle this, aren't I? Don't be so fern sensitive.

Yeah, like the F word, like a fern around it. What if it was just something stupid like the fernary? Not a single fern in sight. I had an idea. Remember, remember, what was his name? Fernhub. Oh, fern hub's not bad. Oh, that's good.

Yeah. What the hell was his name? he had Jim Varney. Remember the actor Jim Varney? Yeah, I love that guy. And he had that line, what you know what I mean, Vern, right? That was his catchphrase for many years. Then he went on to play Ernest in the movies, but he started off, I think, in seven up commercials, and his little catchphrase was know what to mean, Vern. So you have a picture of Jim Varney on the t-shirt and the quote, know what I mean, Fern? Yeah, I like that. I like that. You see where we're going? Yeah. All of these,

Maybe they'll be up for sale at our attitude shirt showdown come July 10th on our booze. It's Ferns when I pee. Oh, there you go. That's perfect. We're getting somewhere. Fern's gone wild, maybe. Fern's gone wild.

We are. We're certainly, we're gathering momentum and eventually, uh, sports. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. World Cup American interest. Halfback passes to the center, back to the wing, back to the center.

Center holds it. Hold it. Hold it. World Cup Spanish interest. Huffback. Passes to center. Back to wing. Back to center.

Center. Hold it. Hold it. Hold it. Will there be a World Cup update later on this morning at 7.30? I can make that happen. All right? Let us know what's going on.

There's some news, right? Oh, yeah. A couple big stories last night. Live, Lafurn. We've been talking a lot of Attitude T-shirts today. I've been talking a lot about attitude t-shirts. When you said the name Vern with Fern, I was trying to think of other celebrities.

What about like, it kind of looks like Howard Stern, and it says Howard Vern? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. You live in your fern? We had a story in the stupid news about a place called the fernery. It's a building filled with ferns. We were trying to come up with a proper attitude t-shirt related to that. Fernery.

You got a picture on the t-shirt. of Smokey from Friday and it says, what's up, big fern? Helper Monkey Jesus said, sick fern, bra. That's a good one for the fern. Sick fern. Yeah, that's perfect. Maybe one of the ferns, Josh, has a wig on the top of the plant and it has an L.

And it says LaFern and Shirley. Oh, yeah, I saw that one. That's a good one. People are making AI versions now and sending them in already. Of course. I'd like to see. Fern around and find out. If you ain't Ernin, you're Fernin?

I don't know if I know the real slogan that is being parodied there. But the effort has been undeniable to try to come up with an attitude shirt for the fernary. Undeniable. Twins last night spanked the Texas Rangers real good. Real good. Beat them 12 to 2. They're looking good the last couple of ball games. Speaking of soccer, they have a day off today to make room for a soccer game.

And we can give you the details on that when Randy Shaver jumps in. What the hell day is it today? Wednesday. Randy Shaver, probably Brad Ryder or two. We can get into that. Josh has some more news for you coming up in just a few minutes. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good.

What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better.

Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensations. benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.

That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. We threw like a spontaneous party out of nowhere is crazy. This is full send. Drake weekend in Toronto, that's like, imagine telling me that like 10 years ago. Oh, yeah. You're going to rip with Drake for his album launch, release.

party in Toronto. Like, I'm not passing that up for anything. Join the party. She went to Mechalla. He went to the game. What is the mecala? Ridiculous. I think it's an excuse to dress up like an idiot and go to a ball. The full send podcast. Oh, we're ready. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X

half-assed morning show. What in the actual fuck are you guys doing? On 93X. A whole inside is messed up. Like, it takes me like two hours and take the number two. Let me explain. Oh, I promise that'll make sense as we get into our first story here. Poor guy, by the way.

What was his last line there? It takes about two hours to go number two. Oh, wow. What happened to this poor bastard? Police in Rhode Island said a man's facing charges after a motorcycle crash earlier this month, and a trash can is at the center of it. And I never see somebody take a trash can and throw it at someone. That's what happened. Well, you never watch the old ECW program. Accounts differ on exactly what happened before the collision. Some went This has said the motorcycle was doing donuts in the intersection moments before the crash. Others said the rider simply made one pass up the road. Either way, prosecutors say a 35-year-old man ended up pitching a trash can at the crotch rocket.

His attorney argues the motorcyclist was driving recklessly and said his client was only trying to prevent someone from getting hurt. That's how you do it, right? You throw a trash can at somebody. In fact, some people have lauded the man on social media for throwing the trash can. Maybe I'm wrong, then. viewing it as an attempt to stop a dangerous rider before someone else got injured. Didn't look at it that way. What do you think, Josh?

There's probably better ways he could have went about it. And, you know, it affected this guy's digestive system. You'll hear about more in a second. Yeah. Someone did get injured, the motorcyclist who lost control, and this guy who now has the problems with the pooping. I did a lot of things in my life, but I never did nothing as trashy as that to throw out, something like that. The 35-year-old can...

Did he call it trashy? Trashy, yeah. I don't think he even meant to. No. But it works. Okay. The 35-year-old can tosser faces two felony charges, and the guy who got pinned underneath the bike said he can...

The gentleman deserves every punishment coming his way. I promise you. You deserve everything that you got coming to you. I had to jump in front of a motorcycle because of you to stop my fiancé being killed. The 19-year-old motorcyclist is facing charges as well. He was cited for several violations. Hmm. Well, I don't know.

I might be on the side of that trash can thrower. I can see in the moment, thinking you're trying to stop the guy? Yeah. But I guess, I mean, like anything, right, there's varying views of what happened from people that were there and certainly varying opinions on social media about it. Poor guy jumped in front of this out-of-control douche in order to save his girlfriend, and it's mangled him so badly, his digestive system is sideways? That's what he's claiming.

Oh, wow. Well, that's no effing good at all. It seems like the dude just didn't think far enough ahead, right? And then realized afterwards like, oh, crap, I caused exactly what I was trying to prevent. Today, by the way, is Global Garbage Man Day. So thanks to all of you who keep this place looking nice. Thank you. Sadly, it's been a deadly month for motorcycles in Minnesota.

Fifteen riders were killed in the first 12 days of June alone, according to the data. That comes on top of nine motorcycle fatalities recorded during all of May and three more in April, pushing the yearly death toll to 27. The troubling trend as public safety officials concerned, as Minnesota enters the heart of riding season, with two major summer holiday weekend still ahead. It's hard to predict how the rest of 2026 season will unfold, they said. But DPS-8-D-S spokesperson said if historical data remains consistent,

it'll end up as a significantly higher fatality figure this year. There were 57 motorcycle deaths all of last year. So far in 2026, motorcycle fatalities on Minnesota roads have more than doubled compared with the same point a year ago. You know, this was a hot topic a few months ago to the point where I think a lot of us got really annoyed. But I had my first experience the other day, Covey, with lane splitting. I was stuck in traffic with a bunch of other sorry bastards,

and a motorcyclist went, boom, between all of us. And I got to be totally honest with you, scared the pants off of me. Yeah, scared me too. Holy balls it. It made me jump right out of my, what do you call that thing, that chair that I was sitting in, jump right out of my seat. I saw a motorcyclist almost get wiped off the road the other day. It was pretty scary.

I think the person behind the wheel never saw them didn't really look. Luckily, nothing bad happened. But, yeah, it's scary. And these numbers, it's sad, you know, to see that this is continuing to happen, especially when it gets worse. I'm sure. I'm glad you're not wandering around town on one of those things anymore. I miss it sometimes.

But, yeah, I think I'm too bad of a rider. Probably at this point I end up killing myself. This is a story about how a confrontation over a negative ice cream shop review went from a contentious rocky road to a heartfelt Apolliopolitan. Married Alabama ice cream shop owners Mallory and Ryan Goldman are facing charges after they melted down on a customer during a caught-on-camera confrontation over a one-star review he left for their business. This didn't have a good experience, so I wrote a bad review.

Daniel Smith was confronted by the owners of the local scoop in a McDonald's parking lot, three months after he complained online, the shop employees botched his order. I'm mad because I busted my ass, sorry, at something, and you think you're going to run it into the ground? An incensed Mallory, fumed at Smith,

who recorded the June 7th exchange on his phone, which, fitting for the story about ice cream, was on a Sunday. I didn't think nothing of it until she reminded me of it. What followed was nearly 15 minutes of verbal sparring, with Mallory continuing her tirade as the two traded insults about each other's appearance and financial situation.

You're ugly. Yeah, well, you're broke. You know, that kind of mature, productive dialogue. You live in a camper, and you doorkass. I'm sure they. I'm proud of it because I own my camper. You're garbage. You're just nothing. You're nobody. Oh, yeah, that's, she is.

No, no, let her go. Wow. Let her finish her sentence. I want to see where she's going with that. She might have a convincing argument in there somewhere. Then, the ice cream lady, Wish you, wish, excuse me, issued a chilling warning. Ever worry about the local scoop again, okay? I can do whatever I want.

You shouldn't. It would be in your best interest, not to. Oh boy. Oh, I'm kind of scared of her. Do not continue to involve yourself in my business. I will absolutely do something, she said. Eventually, Mallory's husband Ryan arrived on the scene and joined in. Jesus, here comes Ryan.

At some point, knocking Smith's phone out of his hands. and then stomping on it. Smith, a door dash driver, said when he left the review in March, he didn't think twice about it until he and Mallory crossed paths at a stoplight. Oh, that's where they crossed paths. Yeah, she recognized them. How the hell did she? Okay, go ahead, sorry.

Smith, again, this is three months later. Smith agreed to meet her in the parking lot after dropping off an order, and that's where the Smith hit the fan. Obviously, you have some mental issues that would cause you to get mad that I left a review on your restaurant. Following the confrontation, Mallory was charged with harassment and criminal mischief, while Ryan was charged with harassment. Since the video was posted, she said there have been death threats, and she accused Smith of harassing her and her business online for months. The ice cream shop has lost its supplier, and the video continues to gain traction online.

All of it a consequence of something both sides now regret. Thankfully, there is a refreshing twist. After weeks of serving up hostility, both sides appear ready to chill out. In recent days, Mallory served up an apology. I apologized to Daniel Smith, to my family, and to those in the city I love, Mallory said. She continued, I'm embarrassed with how I acted. While I can't take it back, I can reflect on it and learn from it. Well, sure.

Smith, meanwhile, said on Facebook, he wanted the charges dropped Monday, writing social justice has prevailed, and I believe there is no need to take this any further. For his part, Smith also expressed regret over his own behavior. I am ashamed of my actions and I apologize to Ms. Goldman if I made her mad or whatever and, you know, at the end of the day, we're going to move on from this, you know. And just like that, a dispute that started over a scoop of ice cream ended with both sides swallowing a spoonful of humility and eating a little humble pie. Well, God dang, Josh, that story just makes me feel good all over.

Doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it started out pretty horrible and both of them are and you know what, hey, I could have handled that a lot better. That's good at least. Maybe we humans have a slight chance. I mean, it's very slight. It's very small, Nick. You know it. But maybe we got a shot to make it.

You know, you do see that. It doesn't probably get enough coverage. No. Yeah, it's great. These guys, if you watch the video, they hated each other's guts. And then they came to decide, hey, that was pretty stupid. Maybe we got a chance. Not trying to make anyone hungry or anything.

But today is National Apple Strudle Day. Apples Trudel Day and something about garbage men, too. Yep. There's a lot of those holidays or quote-unquote holidays. Yeah, okay. And in some pastry current events, it was just announced McDonald's bringing back the fried apple pies for the first time in more than three decades. I mean, that's great, but talk about stepping on a guy's dick.

I was going to dedicate our 830 break entirely to pastry current events. And now. I didn't know. I didn't know. I just didn't want to miss it. You got to have to think of something else. They'll be available for limited time starting June 23. Yeah, I just saw a Facebook video about those yesterday, and they looked delicious.

Dude, I used to get those all the time when I was a kid. Anytime I went, or the cherry ones. Oh, dude, I love cherry pie. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Imagine you're out for a quiet Sunday morning walk with your dog. Your companion is named Diesel, an eight-year-old pit bull. It's a good name.

It is a good name. That's for a tough dog. It's just before 9.30 a.m. The birds are chirping. The air is fresh. Then a completely naked man burst from the brush and charges at you balls first. That's the situation. One Massachusetts man found himself in Sunday when he called 911 to report a nude stranger had emerged from the woods and attacked him. According to police, the man was 34-year-old Alexander Morano. During the encounter, Morano threatened the victim, claiming he had a shotgun and he choked. Where? Where do you have a shotgun? Around. You're completely naked, dude. When officers... Over there under the tree.

When officers arrived, the victim pointed toward what appeared to be a fully naked man emerging from a grassy area. Scary. According to the police, Marano quickly ducked back down, then resurfaced moments later with his hands raised, and thankfully only his hands were raised. That's a penis joke. The good news for everyone involved is that police found no sign of the shotgun Morano claimed to have, which makes sense.

A completely naked man has very limited storage options, and it would be hard to hide a shotgun up your butt. That's a butt joke. These stories somehow became even stranger when officers asked the question on everyone's minds. Why are you naked? Yeah, what's wrong with you? Marano's response was simple.

Aren't we all naked at some point? Wait a minute. I didn't think this was going to get deep. Yeah, honestly, that's difficult to argue with the logic. I've got 32 years in in law enforcement, And I do have to say this is probably in the top five of the most bizarre things that I've ever seen. Following his arrest officer said Morano was speaking rapidly and incoherently, leading them to suspect he was experiencing either a drug-induced episode or perhaps a mental health crisis. Fortunately, neither the victim nor Diesel suffered any serious injuries.

Yeah, what did the pit bull make of all this? He's confused, probably. As for Marano, the arrest is merely the latest addition to an already packed portfolio. of pending problems. He currently has three other cases pending in various district courts. One of those stems from a February 25th arrest by police who charged him with driving under the influence of drugs and alcohol. His second such offense.

Police encountered him after he drove his car into a snowbank and continued driving on three tires. Drove us right into a snowbank. During that arrest, he repeatedly insisted he was a child of God, which, depending on your religious beliefs, is true. Apparently, divine intervention doesn't extend to the DMV, though, because in April, the child of God was charged with operating with a suspended license. Holt! Stay where you are. I am a child of God.

Oh, we didn't know. We didn't know. Yes. On your way. Of course, you did not know. That's between me and God. But you guys weren't expecting him to make so much sense with why he was naked, right? Not at all.

We all are. Yeah, at some point Deep down At some point I'm a child of God Poor diesel though No, that dog And he's lucky

He didn't get his wiener bitten off Oh my gosh Yeah If I was going to wrestle a dog A pit bull would be towards the bottom of the list That would be the last Or no maybe a Malinwa Would be the last but yeah

A Mountain Wau A Malinwa Malin Waw Those are like the German Shepherds on steroids Basically A lot of cop dogs. They're badass. A buddy of mine actually just got two pit bulls.

He named them Timex and Rolex. There is watchdogs. Tennis star Venus Williams is 46 today. BT Dubs, Venus and Serena Williams will play doubles at Wimbledon for the first time in a decade. 2016 was the last time where they picked up their sixth title. SNL alum Will Forte, aka McGruber, 56. I love that movie. I haven't seen it. It's so stupid, but it's so lovely.

I really liked McGiver that it was based on. I've seen some of the S&L skits, but I haven't seen the movie. Director Bobby Farrelly, one half of the Fairley brothers behind comedies like there's something about Mary Kingpin, Dumb and Dumber, shallow hal and the Three Stooges, and Dumb and too, of course, is 68. Big Day for hashtag Ken is Real, as today marks four years since his liver transplant and doing great. Liver transplant. deep dickens he didn't need it he just requested it that's aggressive you can do that yes yeah if you want a new liver you can just request i'll put it in a request yeah why not deep dickens jesus texts to say he feels he needs to give a PSA his 19 year old stepson got his driver's license yesterday after

six failed attempts oh no he said he's proud of them but he's a little scared at the same time and just wants folks to know he's out there on the road get some baby buddette fishing guide jesus text a happy birthday to his wife, happy 11th anniversary to G&R Twins Jesus from hates when Nick says dong, Jesus. And happy birthday to Rod Zilla from Wisconsin, Jesus. That's 93x News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. I had this idea that maybe you should give up sex for the next 10 weeks. You don't have to give up sex for the next 10s.

But like Spartans, you know what Spartans are? They denied themselves, right, so that they could have an edge. Get the edge. Go home, talk to your wives, tell them, don't tell them you're not going to have sex. Don't tell them it was my idea. But let them know what this is going to be like, what your commitment is going to be like, and how they're going to have to sacrifice too. All right, so before the National Basketball Association playoff,

New York Knicks owner James Dolan asked the players to give up sex. What's a damn good thing Randy and Brad don't play for the Knickerbockers? Boy, no kidding. Because you two boys love to bump. Couldn't do it. Ten weeks. That's how long the playoff goes. Wow.

After being married for 30 years, I think I could play for the next stuff. Yeah, I could see my wife sending him a thank you card. Finally, you got this big sum bitch off of me, right? Me alone. It's kind of like the Seinfeld episode where they... They slapped the $10. They have a contest. I'm out.

I'm done. I'm out, Jerry. I'm out. James Dolan sat all the players down, and you heard him right there. Oh, yeah. He said, maybe, fellas, maybe think about giving it up for 10 weeks, so you have a certain edge to your game. And he made a reference to the Spartans, Josh, from the old days from that movie. What was that movie?

You got 300? Three Honda? Mm-hmm. I don't think any of the fellas went along with it. Carl Anthony Town specifically said that his fiancé was not fond of the idea. But, you know, we've heard that spin before, right? I can't even imagine what that would feel like. How cool would that be if your significant others like, no, I'm not cool with that at all?

I'd love to hear something like that. I don't think my wife would say that. You'd love for your wife to say, hey, look. That's the bum. talking, you got to listen to the boss. You'd love for your wife to say, look, I got to have it. I got to have it. I need you.

No way you can keep me away from that rod for 10 weeks. Exactly. Go home, talk to your wives, he said, but don't tell them it was my idea. We've heard that spin before, right? Sex or women or whatever, make the legs weak. That's the old boxing. Oh, sure. Let's say you hear boxers say that all the time.

Certain athletes will say that. I remember a game, but for a big game of some sort, they'll take the week off. I remember talking to an old, old, old friend of mine, one of my oldest pals. And, you know, when you know a guy long enough, you can say certain things to him that you can't say to an acquaintance or certainly a stranger. But I asked one of my buddies, I said, remember that gal you were dating back when we were 20 years old? And Missy was her name. And he said, yeah. And again, because we're bros, we can have these conversations.

said, you got to explain to me, what was the draw there? I said, you know, she was kind of a pain in the ass. She wasn't terribly friendly. She kind of had a stupid hairdo. You know, I asked him, what was going on there? Why were you hanging around with that gal for so long? And he said, pain in the ass? Yeah, he said, I'd agree with that.

Not the nicest person in the world, yeah. And he said, the stupid hairdo? I agree with that too, but he said, you know what, bro? She loved to bump. But he changed a lot of minds that day, I bet on her. And when you're 20, yeah, it's going to be a major factor. You might want to put that on your list of things when we get Andrew DePaula back on the line because I think I've heard of a lot of football players who do that too.

Obstained from sex? For a long stretch of time. Yeah. Oh, sure. And ask them if it's a thing, you know. Ask them if it's a thing. People do that. Now, you remember, he's, oh, he's a long stretch of time.

only a long snapper. It's not like he's got to be... Well, yeah, I didn't know. I was saying him specifically. I understand, Brad. He's got like nine kids, so more than likely he's, you know, still regularly after. But there's probably guys who aren't. Depot is the kind of guy. He strikes me as a kind of guy that doesn't argue much with the wife. Yeah, he's not following the rules. He takes orders, I think. Depot does. I could see that. Yeah. Football players, huh? But they got, I mean, imagine being a star athlete in any sport and turning down sex. Don't think it happens often.

Some of them probably ask you, okay, with just my wife or with everybody? Right. It's around every corner. Sex is around every corner when you're a star athlete. And you've got even relatively decent looks. That makes you an even greater athlete, I think, if you can abstain from sex living that lifestyle. We all know the famous ones who did, though, right? Anyone?

Tim Tebow? Ah, I forgot about him, but absolutely. Tim Tebow. Think of all the ass he turned down in Florida. That's just insane. True, full-on, four-alarm insanity. Barry Sanders, right? Oh, sure.

Oh, yeah. I heard Barry Sanders turn down, squish. Every... Your guy, Russell Wilson, I think, was in that category. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. Yeah, he waited until he was married. Did he really?

Yeah, because I remember us talking about that, so wait, he's dating, is it Sierra? Is it Sierra? Yeah, sounds right. Right, right. And nobody believed him. You're dating her, no way. Patrick Beverly once said that he abstains before games. Well, like the night before?

Yeah, this is more, a little bit more common than you think, I think. Well, but I'm talking about long stretches. Okay. Well, Muhammad Ali, didn't he say it was. weeks before a fight? You know, we mentioned boxers. I thought he had said six weeks. That I don't remember. Like we stated, boxing was kind of the

first sport where we heard this might be a regular gimmick. Mike Tyson might have said a word or two about it. I'm not talking about turning it down night before game or on game day. I'm talking about these guys who stayed away from it forever until they were married or even beyond. AC Green, former Los Angeles Laker. Oh, yeah.

This dude played for the Showtime Lakers and said no to sex. Oh, man. In Hollywood. That's very interesting to me. Now someone texted in, look up the Olympic condom budget. Oh, yeah, sure. We've talked about that. Talked about that many, many times.

Didn't they ran out? Was it this year? They ran out? Yeah, they're using Ziploc bags. Oh, gross. So, Josh, you're... Does that work? Never mind. Don't answer.

Which one's the pint or the court? Depends on how long you've been abstaining. Oh, man. Good Lord, Brad Ryder. I'm going to be here a while. That's that sec. Put down a no-wake buoy. Give me a tarp.

Brad Ryder, that's that sex education background of yours. That's right. We have a full chapter on that. You've had more conversations about semen than you're comfortable to tell us about, I'm guessing, with your sex education background. Do college kids chuckle like we did in sixth grade when we were first learning about that kind of thing? Or are they mature enough where they're not going to laugh? Well, again, I go back to the fact you forget I taught that class one semester six years ago. You taught it for six years. And it was during COVID, so it wasn't even in person.

Brett, you have to understand on this program, we throw logic and reason out the window. You are forever going to be a sex educator. I never actually was face-to-face. I never asked for it. Yeah. What the hell do you do at work where they gave you the sex ed job? What kind of mistake did you make? I don't know.

Here's an interesting question from IT hottie sheizes. She says, what kind of sex are you having where you need six weeks to recover from it? Yeah, no kidding. I've never had that. That's a good question. I can't provide that. Nothing. Ah, yeah. Yeah, Tebow. I forgot about Tebow. Geez, he was just straightered and a grizzly's D, wasn't he?

Unbelievable. What happened there? Did someone fall in? Ah, man. I just did it a little deanalysis, though, here. Day analysis. You were talking about this? Yeah, a little, you know, background. According to AI, this is a folklore.

What is? It doesn't, medically speaking, it doesn't. Oh, yeah, there have been lots of studies to debunk it. Right. Yeah. Obstaining from sex doesn't give you any kind of an edge physically. Right. It doesn't, yeah.

A lot of people were pointing out that Mike Tyson used to bang right before going out to the ring, and that didn't seem to affect him most fights. Yeah, until he got a little. Got a little Buster Douglas in him. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, yeah, no one really proved anything. There was no medical proof. Maybe it was one athlete who he knew he couldn't get laid.

so he started saying that that was the reason why because I got a big fight coming up. Oh, smart. And you just use that as an excuse and kind of spread. Yeah, some old boxer in the 40s who just had a face like a gargoyle. Yeah, where was, I want to give this person credit. They said, yeah, Butterbean didn't have to worry about that.

I bet Butter, Butterbean got ass. Remember when he knocked out Bart Gun? Oh, yeah. God, did Bart Gun die that night? No, he did not, but his career did. Yeah. Oh, man. If you're an old television wrestling fan, you remember the, was it called the fight for all?

Brawl for all. The brawl for all. Widely regarded as the worst idea in the history of television wrestling, and that's a statement. But who was it? Was it McMahon's idea? I'm guessing. To put these television wrestlers in the ring and have them box for real. And they did.

And it was a disaster. A lot of them weren't very good. good at it. But the ones who could throw a punch like Bart Gunn, he ended the career accidentally, inadvertently, I'm not trying to blame Bart Gunn,

but he knocked out Steve Dr. Death Williams so badly that Dr. Death's career was over. And then Bart Gunn wins this tournament against other wrestlers and McMahon's idea then was, well, let's put him

in a real boxing match against Butterbean. Butterbean was this, you know, circus act type character. Right. And Butterbean beat the piss out of them. And then there goes Bart Gunn's career. So it just was a total disaster from start to finish. In the first jackass movie, Butterbean was a part of it. And he boxed Johnny Knoxville into the department store.

Obviously knocked Johnny Knoxville completely out. One of those things where he's snoring before he didn't hit the ground. We've seen that before. And then he the best is so then they cut to him in the van. They're taking him to the hospital and they're like, Johnny. And he is out of it. He is on Mars. and like Johnny, like, how are you feeling?

He goes, I think I'm a little concussed. And then he kind of pauses and, like, he genuinely asks, he goes, is Butterbean okay? That's a good line. I mean, did he even get a punch in? Did Johnny Knoxville even get one punch? He let him kind of like hit his body a little bit. Okay, so they...

Yeah, they kept it going for a little bit. Then Butterbean finally was like, all right, this is over. All right, local legend, rasslin referee, Rob Page texted in. He knows all this television rassling. Mark. It was Vince Rousseau's. idea. Oh, okay. Vince Rousseau was a nut job.

Yes. And Jim Cornett and Vince Rousseau, that's when they started their hatred for each other. Jim Cornyette will never forgive Vince Rousseau for coming up with that idea. But then again, Vincent Kennedy McMahon could have said no, but they went ahead with it. Was it Vince Rousseau, Jim Cornett said this about Vince Rousseau, said something like, before I die, he has a wish that before he dies oh I got it he wants Vince Rousseau to die before him so then before Cornett dies

he can go to Rousseau's grave and piss on it that's how badly he hates the guy bullet club Jesus yeah the Brawl for All has its own documentary on Spike TV if anybody hasn't watched this it's it's friggin fascinating what a colossal goat F that was Okay, back to the idea of athletes restraining from sex. A listener texted in and said,

if there was an advantage to abstaining from sex, great question. Imagine the career that Daryl Strawberry would have had if he wasn't allowed to bump in between at bats. Yeah, if it gave you an edge, Daryl Strawberry would have hit 1,000 career home runs. But we all know, he was back in the dugout. getting it smooth on, Cubby. Well, in the clubhouse, like behind the dugout. He didn't do it right there in the dugout

in front of Wally Backman and Lenny Dykes or Keith Fernandez and Ray Knight and Moogie Wilson. Ron Darling, how far can we take this? Howard Johnson, Kevin Mitchell. I mentioned Wally Backman. Josh, Mark that's one. Josh, Mark that. down. That's one

Gary Carter. Negative mark, one demerit for Gary, who? Gary Carter. Oh, Gary Carter. Yes, of course. All right. Pita, the people for the ethical treatment of animals. They want the San Antonio Spurs

to change their name to the San Antonio Spores, as in mushrooms. Jesus. Bit of reach. Even for them. Randy Shaver. The San Antonio Spores. Do we lose Randy?

Yeah, you did for a second. Oh. Did you hear that? I did not. No. My thing kind of... Oh. Once in a while, my...

Tim Tuffle, by the way. Yes, Tim Tuffle. Oh, Timmy Tuffle. Yes. I remember him. So you did not hear anything I said about the San Antonio Spurs. You said something about Spores, and that's the last thing I heard. Pita would like them to change their name to the San Antonio Spores.

Oh. Because a spur is a spores. sharp metal object that humans jab into the majestic bodies of innocent horses in an attempt to control which direction they go. And that's mean as hell and it hurts. And it hurts the horse's feelings. Peter said that promoting spurs can be seen as glorifying how animals are abused in rodeos. And they mention the fear and the trauma of rodeo animals, the broken bones, the fatal injuries. Whereas choosing to embrace mushrooms would be the moral thing to do. Moral.

What? Moral. What does that mean? It's a type of mushroom. Oh, I wouldn't know that. I'm sorry. Jesse Orozco played for the match also. They also say that changing their name to the spores

will be a true champions move. Yeah, not happening. Good luck with that, especially in Texas. Not happening. But Brad Ryder, maybe you didn't know this. Texas is very proud of its mushroom industry. Again, good luck with that. Yeah, we're happy for him.

Sid Fernandez. Sid Fernandez. He's a big fat guy. He was Sid for Matt He was a big guy I believe you I just funny the way

The first he popped out He doesn't want to be remembered that way He was a lefty That's probably other things he'd like to be known for PETA is offered to provide a new logo and uniforms To the spores They got the bucks for that

Yeah They got all that money And apparently they don't have Much else going on if they can come up with this Well I think all this is publicity related, right? A lot of this is really goofy, and I don't think they mean any of it.

PETA's become very... They've become very funny. They've got comedy writers, I think. Yeah, they do. Like, this is... I'm sure this is a joke. I'm a Pita fan. I'm a fan of their comedy writing. If anything at all,

I'm a fan of their comedy writing. This is cute. This is very cute. The official state mushroom of Texas, Josh. It's the Choriactus geister. Love me, good geister. I'll put that on my pizza. Oh, man.

Anybody not a mushroom person here? I mean, there's people that hate it. Not. I'm the only person in my family that likes them. Everybody else, they don't want them in the house. They want them anywhere. No thanks. I'm fine with them, Josh.

The Spurs should call their bluff and say, sure, we'll change the name. Send us the money for the rebrand. Yeah, maybe they can. could have a spores night or just kind of make a night out of it. I don't mind mushrooms, Cubby. I don't. Yeah, maybe one night in the season, they changed their names. Yeah. Just for the night. Minor and league ball clubs do it. Why can't the San Antonio Spores do it? Yeah.

Josh, as a matter of fact, if you go to Maynards and Rogers, they get the best deep fried mushrooms I've ever had in my life. Really? That's right. It's a fancy place. We used to get effing hammered at that joint back. Oh, my God. All right, while we're dealing with the ridiculous, here's this. this for you. The video of the old lady who rode her mobility scooter smooth into

the middle of a German bicycle race. F me running, you gotta see this video. Oh man, poor lady. This is on 93x.com. How she didn't kill that son of a bitch on that bicycle? I have no idea. Randy Shaver and Bradruder, we encourage you.

I'm going there right now. A German bicycle race was ruined when an elderly woman on a mobility scooter inched forward into the path of the bicyclists as they're racing down a street going about 70 miles per hour it looks to me she's on her little mobility scooter she wants to get a closer look she rolls a little too far right into the path she sent some guy ass over apple cart i mean i don't know how back to wrestling again i don't know how he wasn't broken in half that is the kind of a tumble I took when I broke my arm riding a bicycle.

That was bad. That's exactly what happened to me. Right over the top of the handlebars. Oh, man. But I'm sure... Oh, my God. Was it in slow motion? Anytime I've crashed on a bike, I mean, I've never crashed that fast like this guy, but...

Suspended animation? It's always in slow motion for some reason. If you look, there's two guys nearby holding beers and they don't, like, put their beers down to try to help or anything. He still got their beers going. There's a couple of people that just had their hands on their heads. Like, oh, no. I wouldn't know what to do in that situation.

I can't blame those guys. Was that guy's arm bent all the way backwards or was he just that flexible? I couldn't tell. Check out the video on 93X.com of this old lady and her mobility scooter. Oh, my gosh. Just about killed a guy dead. Ass over Applecart guy. He took the worst a bit, but four other bicycle riders went downskilled.

The dude who got it the worst by the name of Paul, he said he came away from it relatively well. Hmm. Don't know how. That is something. I fantasize about the day when I finally get my mobility scooter. You've written one before. I have.

You seem to love it. I put some miles on, yeah, when I had gout, in the darkest days, of my my now 20 year battle with gout in the darkest days I had to ride a mobility scooter when I'd go to the grocery

or to the hardware store and oh I'll tell you what I loved it oh it was fun everyone gets out of your way how do you rent one of those is that what you had to do well there are no no Randy Shaver there are some joints that just have them available at the front of the store

I got you like I don't know if Target does but Walmart certainly does. I just sat my narrow ass down and vroom vroom. My grandma and a bunch of her buddies at the retirement home or the old folks home, they had some of those and they used to cruise around like they were in some sort of motorcycle club.

And when you put her in reverse cubby, everybody knows it. Oh yeah, those are loud. Beep, beep, beep. You feel like you're operating some construction equipment or something. It was. That's living right there.

What are the ladies that my grandma would tool around with had flames. Like her grandsons put flames on that scooter. Let her buck. Sick. And you know, back to this old lady on the mobility scooter that ruined the German bicycle race. How did she not take a pedal to the skull and die instantly? Yeah, she's clipped it in the right way.

You could, I mean, you could see kind of on her face like, oh, no, I've gone too far. And they were really cooking. Yeah. Really cooking. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, good question from a listener. This old lady in Germany, she should have talked to Uncle Terry about that. She didn't put it in reverse fast enough.

There's been a couple stories this week that have reminded us of how Uncle Terry was unable to put his mobility scooter into reverse. Can we hear the whole thing? Do you have the whole thing? You got to hear the... Yeah, just give me one second. Got the guys out in the street, they're lighting fireworks. They want Uncle Terry to light this big one. He comes out on the mobility scooter.

Hold on now. a car coming and then he lights it he can't find the river i don't think this is the bag up bag up oh bear terry put it in reverse terry put it reverse oh lord lord please that's good stuff i don't care who you are i want to hang out with that guy oh my god terry was mesmerized didn't seem like he had any idea what was going on oh my god anyone see that twins game last night just the highlights oh yeah they spanked the texas rangers so badly that in the nethered the nashers so badly that in the Ninth inning, the Rangers made the best move in baseball. They put a position player out on the mound to mop up the mess.

That's always worth a few laughs in my book. And the dude, the Rangers tossed out there last night, I mean it was effing slow pitch softball. Trevor Plouf and some other young character were calling the game. Must be some special handful of games where what's his nuts. Corey Provis isn't involved. He's on vacation or something. No, Corey's working.

radio this week. Oh, because Danny, with Danny Gladden. And it's the first time in like a long time that Danny Gladden and Provost are working radio together. Just a special occasion type thing? Provis actually wanted to because the radio guy is on vacation. Okay. So Provis said, let me go over and work with Danny for the week.

Danny. If you watch last night's game, when this F-in position player for the Rangers came out there and threw his first couple of pitches, Plouf and this young guy, literally said on the mic, they said, okay, what the hell is this? I mean, he was lobbing it up there like he was 75 years old. I wish that happened more often where the position player got a, I think there should be a rule in Major League Baseball where every team has to put a position player on the bump for one inning regardless of the score.

Once a week. How about once a week? I'd like that because, you know, if they strike somebody out, everyone's laughing. Oh, God. It's the best. Has it ever, as a position player ever struck out a Major League better? Oh, sure. Oh, yeah.

Really? Yes. Yeah, it happened. How? But any, it was a lot of fun to watch. They should do the opposite, too. Once a week you got to bring a guy from the bullpen into pinch hit. Yeah.

I do miss pitchers hitting. That was a lot of fun. You could just tell how some guys just didn't care. Give me my three swings. Give me back in the dugout. If somebody hits a Homer off a position player, do you feel Nick, it's the same as an empty netter? It is. Absolutely.

Like, if you're doing it wrong? Absolutely. What's the furthest base you can get to? You can go to second if you want to. Okay, you can get a double. What's just a nut. It's Marky Mickey Larnick, Mad Donnie. Trevor Larnock, hit a dong.

Didn't he last night? No, no, he hit a... He led off the game with the home run. That's right, he did. Yeah. What did Larnik do? Larnick did something against a position player. Pardon me.

Did something against that position player who was pitching? Well, he had four hits last night, so I'm not sure exactly what he had. Four for six. Yes. Josh, forget about the home run, actually. Okay, now I know where I was going with this. Larnick went four for six. One of his hits was against that position player on the mound.

So that is, that in itself, just a hit to me off a position player is the same as an empty neckboard. Oh, even a hit. Just a hit. Okay. Yeah, you don't count it like you do a regular hit. But Larnick had a great night. Cody Clemens, three-run hog. Josh Bell's been killing it.

The final score was 12 to 2, if I didn't say that already. 17 hits, I think, as a team? Yep. Zebby Matthews did a nice job. It's seven innings. It's a lot easier to pitch when you have a 10-run lead. That certainly helps. But he got through seven innings last night.

That's good for their bullpen. Take a little bit of a breather. And they get a big breather today because they have this rare off day in the middle of a series where they don't play today. But come back on Thursday afternoon. Why is that? They have to step aside, Bradrider. There's a World Cup game being played.

Oh, okay. Next door to them. Right. They took the day off, which I think is smart. The two clubs have to step aside today so England and Croatia can play a World Cup soccer game at the Cowboys Football Stadium, I think, which is right across the street from the ballpark. Yeah, they're very close to each other. I've been down. So everyone take a day off.

The soccer game is going to be too much of a gang bang for the city to handle, so they're pushing the Twins and Rangers back 24 hours. That's very smart of Major League Baseball. Yes. It is very smart. England fans? My God. And Josh, you made a big deal. Huh? No, I was going to say they probably need to do that from like a security standpoint.

Yeah. That's what I mean. Oh, of course. It's going to be a disaster down there. I mean, even if it was too lesser known. Right. Tunisia and against, you know, Zimbabwe. There's not enough cops and things like that to handle. Josh, you made a big damn deal out of that Kumar rocker dude.

He was terrible last night for the rancher. I didn't say anything about him. He was terrible. I read a stat where last night, I think, was his 31st start in Major League Baseball, and not one twin had faced him in their career. Really? Yeah. Well, I'll be damned.

So we'll wait till tomorrow for that rubber game. While we were talking about soccer, word is, I don't know if I'm buying this, but word is the bars. and liquor stores in Boston are smooth out of beer after the Scottish soccer fans showed up in their town. I don't know if I'm buying that. Come on, it's Boston. They may have sold up for a while, I'm sure they reloaded pretty quickly.

That's a big city with plenty of alcoholics living in it. It's the same group of folks that drank all the alcohol and airplanes on the way over. I can believe you can clean out an airplane, but not Boston, you know. There's a lot of them, though. You see them on those ferry boats and just kind of taken over to the city. they're having an absolute blast. It's so fun to watch.

Yeah, they look like they're having a good time. So you're enjoying this because last week you said, I don't really care. I know. Well, I didn't care to my standards. I usually care because I used to be a complete psycho about the World Cup. I'd save PTO, take it all off. My ex-wife would go on vacation because she didn't want to be around me during the World Cup. Wait a minute.

Isn't your wife now on vacation? She's leaving again. She was on vacation last week and she's leaving tomorrow to go to Mexico. Things don't change. But no, I was, you're right, Nick. I kind of said I j-colored a bit just because they changed the format. They up to 48 teams. The prices were ridiculous, the sponsorships.

It all just kind of got too much. And then the first match started and it just kind of erupted like a volcano. I'm like, I'm back, baby. I've been there. You know, you see a rock band too many times and you go to their show kind of begrudgingly, right? And you go, I don't know. What am I still doing here? I've seen this friggin act 35 times.

And then they play your favorite song and you're right back in. You're rushing up to the front of the stage. Motley Crew, I mean, they've become kind of a joke. And the last time I went to see them, I didn't really want to be there. And then they played on with the show, which is my favorite Motley Crew song, and I was a sucker all over again, at least for that five minutes. They get you. The Scots are leaving a hell of an impression since they've come to town for this silly soccer tournament.

It says here they've been getting good and drunk and blindly throwing money at different charities. Yeah, that's cool. Over $30,000. They dumped some money into a cancer unit at a hospital. They donated a pile of money dedicated to teaching kids.

Oh, this is good. Josh, were you ever a member of the Rhode Island Highlanders bagpipe band? Wouldn't let me in. They wouldn't let you into them. I don't have the respiratory capacity. So the Scots came to town.

I kept making bag. jokes, you know, and they're like, get out of here, Bob. Dude, yeah, come on. I like the bagpipes. I know you hate them, Nick. I do. So the Scots go to Boston. I think we're still talking about Boston here. They find out about some club called the Rhode Island Highlanders

bagpipe band. The Scots got drunk and gave them $6,500 to fund a program dedicated to teaching kids how to play the bagpipe. They also donated 10 grand to a local soccer program that

caters to underprivileged children and they gave some money to some mental health programs in town they get loaded up and they start throwing money around what a cool group of people yeah the bagpipes jesus all those godforsaken st patrick's day celebrations i had to go to i'm still scarred by that crap and my mother just loved it she'd be the she'd be the one dancing in the aisle at the church while the bagpipers i just wanted to throw a turd at them i don't know There's something about it. Oh, I hate it. I don't know what the word is regal.

I don't know. There's just something. Dana was saying earlier there's other soccer things you wanted to discuss. What do you have for us? Oh, this is a big deal last night that Lionel Messi, the greatest player of all time, scored a hat trick in the opening match. Paley's not the greatest player of all time? It's messy, baby.

You're messy. How often does that happen? In a World Cup? Not very often. I'd have to look up the stats. And it's especially crazy because Messi won the World Cup last four years ago. And there's talk of him being not even making the team, not even making the side saying, you know, he's going to cause too much of a distraction. He's so old at this point.

Are they bringing him along just because he's messy? And he proved everybody wrong last night. Boy, I guess so. So Pelae's not the greatest. No, it's been determined widely that's messy. Who's the hottest? Beckham still? Christiana Ronaldo is pretty hot

Is that right? Oh yeah, didn't he just get voted the hottest guy in the world? Yeah, he's a good looking dude. Oh, man. Three goals in a game, that's more than I expect to see in the whole tournament. Well, the U.S. scored four goals in their opener against Paraguay, and they only scored three total

goals in their last World Cup. So they're off to a good start. I hear you. Oh, what else? Anything else soccer-related you like to get off your chest while we're setting here. It's just been a fun World Cup, and I think even if I get soccer's not people's favorite sport,

but the stories like the Scots, the stories about like the Japanese players cleaning up the stadium. There's so many cool stories like that popping up, and it just seems like everybody's having all the tourists that are here just having such a great time and loving America. It's been fun to see those little things that pop up in between matches. Randy, are you in or what? No, not in.

Yeah, I like the surrounding stories, certainly. Yeah. And people have been texting that in, like, shoot, They're not necessarily soccer fans, but it's cool kind of hearing everything around it. Exactly. It's all positive. You're right. Yeah, I was worried it was going to be very negative.

But everything so far, you know, has been very positive surrounding the World Cup. Nice to hear. Well, another one of Nick's very engaging events is this weekend, too, another sporting event. Hit me with it, Brad Rider. The U.S. Open Golf Tournament. Yeah, Randy mentioned that yesterday. We can't wait for that. You know, but back to soccer.

I was in my room here one day. Nice job, Brad. Yeah, I tried to get it in. That's the big sense of our U.S. Open coverage right there. Landed like a turd. You ever heard of Pele, Josh? I was drinking, Randy. Don't do that.

You ever heard of Pele? Yeah, I have. I was in the room here one day watching the Mexican channel on TV, and I don't know nothing about Pele. And I'm watching this guy and what he can do with a ball in his feet. Next thing I know, he jumps in the air, flips into a somersault and kicks the ball in. upside down and backwards.

The damn goalie never knew what the F hit him. And Pela gets excited and rips off his jersey and starts running around the stadium, waving it around over his head, and everybody's screaming in Spanish, and I'm sitting there alone in my room, and I start crying. Yeah, that's right, I start crying. Because another human being, a species that I happen to belong to, could kick a ball

and lift himself. And the rest of us sad-ass human beings up to a bad. better place. If only for a minute. Let me tell you, kid, it was pretty god-dang glorious. What movie? 651-9-9-9-93-93. I thought you were telling us a legit story from your life.

651-9-9-93. What movie? Did you just make a 41-year-old movie reference? What the hell else do I do around here? That's true. When have I made a newer one? It's like, I think I've heard you do this before, so I knew the movie.

But holy cow. Our listeners got it. Because the friggin' brother and sisterhood know every damn thing. They are geniuses, hilarious, everything. Vision Quest. Have yet to see it. Great soundtrack. Yeah.

Yes. Definitely. Matthew Modine is a high school wrestler. Journey, only the young. Was that the opening? James Dio, Hungry for Heaven. I love that song. Sammy Hagar, I think I'll fall in love again.

No, it was not the opening scene. Because I've seen the video. He was like jogging over a bridge or something. They play the song. Yeah. I still get that movie quite frequently on my television. All right. Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback Treve Lawrence, Trevor Lawrence.

You got a cute hairdo, doesn't he? Yes. Did you see what the Jacksonville Jaguars did to their fans? They went into a panic. The Jaguars put together, they always put together like that stupid schedule release video, right? The schedule hype video. Yeah. And in that video, they had an image of Trevor Lawrence with a new hairdo, like a much, much shorter Justin Bieber-style hairdo.

Yes. And he went along with the joke. It just looks ridiculous. I think it's pretty funny. It is, because Jaguars. fans believed that the peckerhead went out and got that haircut and they were just disgusted. There was all a joke and now it's become such a thing with their fan base that I think the Jaguars, from what I understand, Cubby, maybe you know better than me.

They've decided to do some kind of a giveaway of the wig that Lawrence was wearing on his head for that. He just looked just like that peber dude. And Laura, I like that, dude. He comes off like a real good guy. Totally agree. He really does. Remember the video from last football season? Trevor Lawrence walks into some garbage bar in Jacksonville. I don't think there are any other types of bars, but garbage bar.

And some lady walks up to him and says, you know, I think I could squat you. And Lawrence is standing. He's got a, you know, like a warm can of bush light in his hand, just trying to mind his business. But he didn't care. The lady says, I think I can squat you. He says, go ahead. So he got on her shoulders and sure as hell, she pumped him up and down a few times. He's wearing his little board shorts and his flip-flops, you know?

You guys have to tell me if this matters at all to you, but it says here that the new Minnesota Vikings general manager, do we even cover this that they have a new general manager? I thought we did. We mentioned it. His name is Noland Tisley. Anyway, he's hired the former general manager of the Chicago Bears to be part of the Viking staff, a dude called Ryan Pace.

Do we care? You know, they've made some sense. he has made some significant moves in there in his front office there. Okay. He's kind of moved some people out and he's brought in some people from Seattle that he's worked with that apparently are really good at what they do. There's some big changes. I mean, the average fan's not going to see it. They may see it down the road in players, but right now it's just restructuring the front.

office. All right, fair enough. I mean, they still all have to deal with the most important question, and that is who's going to play quarterback for the Vikings. And how that's going to look and feel. That's going to be the number one topic this fall. Oh, it already is. I can't wait for the tantrum that J.J. McCarthy throws when he gets benched.

You can't wait for what? The tantrum that spas number nine throws when he finds out that Kyler Murray's the starter. I think he already freaking knows I'm sure I think he does But yes I look forward to that too I look forward to the facial expressions

and all that crap By the way back to this soccer tournament that came to town now We mentioned that the Scots are drinking up All the beer and the Hooch A couple listeners texted in to say We're not only running low on booze

Now that these Scots and wacky-ass English folks are in town We're not only running out of booze But we're running out of ranch dressing He says all of the They're eating up all of our ranch dressing because they don't get it where they come from

Right, and they're all blowing away. Some of them never had it. And they're like, why do we not have this in England? Why is this not everywhere? Ranch, Josh. I'm a fan. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever met anybody that doesn't like it.

You're looking at one right now. Oh, well, you don't like any sauce or anything. John Tortorella's not coming back as the head coach of the Vegas Golden Knights, despite running with them all the way to the Cup final final. final final. I don't know if that's surprising. Torts. He's on his tour to try to coach every NHL team, so he's got to try to find another one next. All right, Josh, here's a statement from the general manager of the Vegas Golden Knights.

Are you ready to do a torts count? Yeah. Okay. We thank torts for the guidance he provided our team since joining the organization in March. When the decision was made to bring torts to Vegas, this is really what this guy said, we needed an immediate input. pack to help us at a pivotal point in the season. Torts experience and leadership provided to be the boost that we were looking for. We are grateful for Torts, passion, sincerity, and commitment to our organization, and we wish Torts and his family the best. I counted five Torts.

Five Torts in one statement from the general manager. God, hockey players, they love the nicknames. They do. Yeah, probably didn't call him like Tortsy at one point or anything. Torzzi. And finally here, gentlemen, the links play at the Los Angeles Sparks tonight. Okay. Yeah.

So what else? Did I miss anything? I don't think so. I think you got it all covered. We could go back to the U.S. Open. Yeah, what do you got? Oh, we know we didn't say much about it. Doesn't tee off till Thursday.

Certainly we can tease off tomorrow morning. Who's involved in the tournament? New York. In New York, near New York City. Chinnacock. Shinnecock. We said that yesterday. Shennecock.

It's been there a couple of times in its history. See you later, gentlemen. See you. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer

when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.

Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. We threw like a spontaneous party out of nowhere is crazy.

This is full send. Drake weekend in Toronto, that's like, imagine telling me that like 10 years ago. Oh yeah. You're going to rip with Drake for his album launch release party in Toronto. Like I'm not passing that up for anything. Join the party. She went to the mechalla. He went to the game.

What is the mechalla? Ridiculous. I think it's an excuse to dress up like an idiot and go to a ball. The Full Send podcast. Oh, we're ready. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X half-ass morning show. We're back whether you like it or not.

We're going through our Thursday show on a Wednesday. If you hadn't heard, we ain't coming in on Friday. So take a big bite out of that. We ain't coming in on Friday. So today's kind of our third. Thursday, isn't it, Josh? It is. Tomorrow will be an ultimate F-off day.

The ultimate F-off day begins 540 tomorrow morning. All right. AI, this, AI, that, up and down all the way around AI. I've reached my limit. On AI or the talk about AI? Conversation. But sometimes, though, as you know, Josh, what do I got to do? I've got to go ahead anyway.

I just got to go for it. Our boss, our program director, Derek, he sent me a funny video over the weekend about it was a dad. He's videoing his teenage daughter, probably about 15 years old, 14 years old. And she's showing dad, hey, there's this hilarious thing with AI where they take real songs and they make funny songs over them. And the service is called Weird AI, not realizing it was Weird Al. You know, at her, she hadn't heard a Weird Al. And so she's playing a Weird Al song, Fat, from my. Michael Jackson's bad.

And the dad keeps saying, oh, so what's this called? This is weird AI. Oh, that's brilliant. That child should be punished. I mean, shoot, I think I mentioned this a couple weeks back when we were talking about AI. When it first started being talked about ad nauseum, I was like, what is Al? You know, I felt like an idiot when I didn't realize it was like AI. This gal said to her dad, look, it took Michael.

Jackson's beat it and turned it into eat it. Well, she even thought it was a thriller, right? She had the wrong name. She, you know, all of it, and she was just saying some friends kind of turned around. My God. The kids are not all right. 1982 was a long time ago. Yeah, she didn't know.

She'd never heard a weird owl. All right. Artificial. How do you say it again? Artificial. Artificial intelligence. What do you think about the idea of a. a robot character.

It's a damn rolling toilet bowl. I'm in. That's what it is. A robot toilet bowl with wheels. And when you call for it, the damn thing will roll over to wherever you are for you to poop into it. Yeah, I'm in.

So with that... For a couple reasons. Give me your reasons. One, I have been lazy enough for I thought, I'm just going to wet my pants. I don't feel like getting out of bed. I once did take a piss out of my bedroom window because I didn't want to get up and go to the bathroom. I used to do that when I was a kid.

I didn't want to walk to the bathroom. So the first reason is laziness? Yeah. And the second is, have you ever been a situation where you think, boy, I have to go so bad if I move, it's just going to come out. So if I could bring the toilet to me, that'd be helpful. I didn't know you ever had those panic situations. I thought you were the most regular guy in the county. Well, either way.

I mean, ones or twos. I mean, you've, oh, well, if we're talking about ones, because you've never had a Code Brown, have you? Just once. Once. Wow. What the hell kind of, speaking of robots, where are you originally from? Take us to your leader. Yes.

We have questions. Teach us. Teach rotten, disgusting, what is it called? IBS. Yeah. Teach us rotten, disgusting, IBS victims how it's done, Josh. One Code Brown in the history of your life? Well, the first sign of,

any trouble. When the barometric pressure changes, when there's one cloud in the sky, I get myself next to a bathroom. So do you guys just ignore a bunch of signs? We all know you've had number one problems in your lifetime. Oh, so yeah, when I was a kid, I'd hold that forever. So maybe I guess it all evens out, right? It all evens out. You've only had one code brown. What a life to live. I mean, I'm envious to the point where I'm. You never forget your first one. I guess in your only one. So your question was, did we ignore the warning signs? Do you ignore signs? There are no warning signs when you have those issues. Now, I'm knocking on wood over here

because my situation has greatly improved over the last 20 years. Oh, it's a lot different than it used to be. Absolutely, totally different animal because I've cut certain things out of my, you know, I've cut certain habits down, I've done a little

bit of, I mean, I'm not a healthy eater. But back in those terrible days when it seemed like every other day I was running for my life to the bathroom. I have to think back. I mean, there was a time when I solely existed on raviolios and mountain dew. Get the job done. And then 15 beers, you know, at night. So it's not like I'm some

kind of health nut, far from it. But I've been lucky the last 20 years. But I can't imagine only having one career emergency under my belt. Thank God I made it. So Dana can tell his own stories. But I imagine we're similar. If there were warning signs, we would have heated them. Right. It comes out of nowhere. Out of nowhere. You got like three seconds to make a decision. That's it. That's only happened once, thankfully. So let's get back to this evil cyborg robot toilet. You whistle for the damn thing. It rolls over to you. So with that roll and bowl under your command, you can take a fat deuce anywhere as you want in your house. If you're You're not feeling like walking all the way to your disgusting bathroom.

Robo Bowl will come when it's called. Come on over and you can take down your pants and push like hell. You're sitting in your easy chair. You don't want to go. You're lying in bed. It'll roll over to you. I'm just picturing the wife rolling over and waking up in the middle of the night. Oh, hey, hon.

Just taking a dump here. Got a little cyber turd happening. No, no, don't look. That's what they're working on. It's always in China. They're always working on these things in China. Oh, yeah, they've got the karate robots and all kinds of stuff going on over there. See, yeah, the, I mean, that would kind of change the mood of a room, would it not, depending on what you're doing?

A bunch of people over for the Super Bowl party and call in a robo toilet? They're on the five-yard line. I can't leave. Get that toilet over here. Honey, it's the fourth quarter. You got to understand. Please, I hope that we never get to that point in society where it's acceptable. with a room full of company for someone to call over a robot toilet

and they spray into it while we all sit there and have a conversation about home prices or something, you know, real estate. People are showing up. They brought their chips and dip in their own robo toilet. Just like a pet rolling into the house behind them, right? Robo toilet rolls in, but this is my robo crapper. So this is what they're working on. You're going to drop a couple of bucks on that.

It, yes, $13,000 is what they want in trade today for a robo bowl. Some of those, just those toilets that do a little bit of everything, they're in the thousands of dollars. Oh, the ones that are like the smart toilets that... Yeah, they have like an exhaust fan on them and all kinds of different. Cubby, the robo bowl will navigate around obstacles for you when you whistle for it. It's smart like that. you fill it with stool, soft, preferably. It has its own sprinkler system in there.

What do they call that gimmick again? A bidet? The bidet. It's got his own sprinkler system. It cleans your ass for you. You get up, you put your pants back on, you go back to playing cards or whatever you were doing. And then it returns to its docking station, and it cleans itself. It's docking station.

It does sound that way. doesn't it? Its docking station is hooked up to your plumbing. So it pushes all of your filth down the tubes. I don't know what this means, but it says, oh, now I know what this means. Oh, this is disgusting. If you unleash something with some real serious girth to it, like some folks just up and push out of football. I've seen it. It's horrible.

Got to go get the poop night. It has, Dana, a low-noise grinder that prevents it from choking and dying. It prevents it from clogging. Oh, my God. Really, Dana, you got the grinder going again? Dana's always grinding. They say low noise, but I bet if we're in your apartment, Dana, I can hear the grinder. Absolutely.

I'd be worried about the crapnol flying everywhere. Crapnel. Yeah, hopefully. Hopefully they got that part figured out. Yeah, that's the time where they tell you to shut the lid when you flush. You really want to do it on the robocrapper. You're in the kitchen. Hey, this reminded me.

I'm still the same guy I was before this happened. But last week, I bought one of those robot vacuums. The little Roomba or whatever. You guys have been praising those before. Do you still use yours? No, I don't praise them. You said at the time, I should get one. So you've changed your mind on that?

Yeah, my mind was changed pretty quickly on that. You must be harkening back to like day one or day two when I bought a Rumba. I thought it was kind of stupid. And it kept getting trapped. I bought it because you gave it good reviews. I haven't heard the negative one. But here's the thing. Do you have the ability to set a course for it?

I haven't set it up, but I think so. Yeah, I think it maps out. Okay. And it's supposed to avoid, we got one that's like pet. friendly, meaning if it sees a turd or something, it's going to go around. Yeah, it's going to drag that turd across the world. Anyway, no, you probably bought one with wonderful options that navigates around turds and you can set a course for the bastard.

I bought the cheapest one available. You just flip it on and it knocks into walls like a drunk until it believes the job is done. I thought it was dumb. It kept getting hung up on transitions between rooms and it would. get lost at a corner. And I just thought it was dumb. But again, I bought one of the early versions that had limited abilities. You will probably have a wonderful time.

I was a little skeptical because it was like half off. So I thought, oh, maybe this one's not that great. But I remember you and I think Ashley too said they were awesome. How often do your dogs poop in the house? Never. I mean, when we got our new dog, he did for maybe the first couple weeks. Because I'd be very afraid of it dragging. I've seen videos that they'll pick up a turd and just smear it all over the...

But it mentions it like it'll avoid dog toys or if there's anything on the ground. So, yeah, we'll see. Maybe it does, pardon the pun, but maybe it sucks. It's not any good. The Robo Bowl, like we said, they're looking for $13,000 in trade right now for that sum bitch. I'd wait on that. To be clear also, the idea behind the Robo Bowl was for older folks who have a little bit trouble getting in and out the bed.

Yeah, that makes sense. Not lazy people who want to take a deuce at the kitchen table. But, I mean, you can use it for whatever, you know. Just ride around on it. Mine would mostly be out of laziness if no one's around, for sure. If this comes to be a real thing here in the States

and there's a 91-year-old in line of, you know, if me and a 91-year-old are both in line for the Robo Bowl, I will let them have it first because that's the intended purpose. But just your average IT guy Jesus says

I'm now part of the Rumba gang and he swears up and down by his He loves you He does All right I can't remember Josh Did you watch Parks and Rec?

I did It only took me 14 episodes To start to enjoy it Do you remember DJ Rumba? Yeah Aziz Ansari's character puts like an iPod And the little speakers on the Rumba

And it's cruising around He goes it's DJ Rumba Oh that was funny It was good Yeah I got to create DJ Rumba I forgot about Yeah, you got to do that. If you get a robo bowl, Josh,

naked pooper Jesus texted this in, but it also entered my mind. If you go ahead and get a robo bowl, I bet you're going to want to program it to say three words. What would they be, Josh? Do you know? Three words. Happy birthday, Pauble.

What movie, I believe it's Rocky? Four. There you go. Where Polly has a robot lover. Do you want to know a really random fact about that robot? Yes. John Taffer for Bar Rescue owns it now. Oh, really?

Mm-hmm. Bar? Did he say what he paid for that? Is that a bar in town or something? Oh, you never seen the show Bar Rescue? No. Oh, it's a television show. Yeah, this guy named John Taffer goes into like a failing bar and helps him turn it around.

Weren't there a couple here that he worked on? I was thinking about that the other day, and I looked it up. There was only one in Minnesota he's done. I swear one of our bus crawls, we went to a bar where that was kind of what everybody said. Hey, you know, this was on bar rescue. I look it up. I look it up. Bing, be, baby.

Happy birthday cubby. You could program it to talk dirty to you. Yeah, I don't know if mine talks. But you're not comfortable. You're not comfortable with dirty talk. I mean, it would probably be like literal dirt, right? Oh, I see there's some dog hair over here. Oh, your robot vacuum.

Yeah. Yeah. I hope you have fun with it. Yeah, me too. But ready to walk out of here. Well, Christ, all of us. We had a conversation about the Robo Bowl. The Robo Bowl is a new invention out there in China.

It's a robot toilet, a bowl with wheels. And it's under your command. How do I say this, Josh? It is at your beck and call, the Robo Bowl. If you're sitting in your easy chair, you don't feel like going to the bathroom to cut a turd. Snap your fingers. Here comes Robo Bowl. He parks himself right next to you.

You get your pants and underwear around your ankles. You take a deuce right there in the living room. And then you say, away, Robo Bowl, away. And it rolls to its docking station, which is connected to its plumbing, to your plumbing, I should say. And it flushes it all. It cleans itself. Oh, there's a bidet in there. It washes your ass.

And then it rolls away. and it even has a grinder in there if you dump something with a little too much girth? GERTH. That's sick. That's the Robo Bowl. If you just are tuning in, that's the new invention. Keep an eye on your Sears catalogs and whatnot

for its first available. I got a text on the Robo Bowl. A listener wants to know, how does it handle steps? Oh. It doesn't. I hope it never tries steps. It'll be very splashing. If that thing,

slips on its side, everyone's going to puke their guts out. Unless you have a rambler, it might be a bad choice, I guess. From what we understand, it does not know how to navigate steps just yet. So do not ask your Robo Bowl to go down the stairs. It got us into a conversation about living life, living the cold brown lifestyle. It's not a pleasant life to live. I lived it for quite a few years. Dana lives it today or you got over it also?

What was that? The Code Brown lifestyle. Yeah, I'm doing better now, but it still, it'll hit you. All right. Got a text message here from a listener who says when I worked in Superior, Wisconsin, I had an hour drive to work. Before I quit drinking, it wasn't uncommon. If I didn't have a movement before I left the house in the morning,

halfway to work, full-on four-alarm Code Brown. He said, I'm talking clenching as hard as I can, sweating bullets, windows down to try and cool off from all the sweating. And there was no bathroom in sight for 40 of those 60 minutes of driving. I can completely relate to that. We got to talk about it. Code Brown survivors, it's good to talk about it. I know that windows down. I know that feeling.

We got to go. What time is it? It is nine. Oh, yeah, we do got to go. Happy birthday, a girthquake Jesus and his grandpa, B.R. B.I.R. Hulk Hogan, Jesus. If we ever miss any shout-outs,

I just want to say on a big text day like today, they come in real quick. So I'm going to search through some to see if we missed any. We can get to him tomorrow. But just so you know, not trying to leave you hanging. 93X. air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good.

What's going on, Habs, podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better.

Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.