93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Sneezures

Episode Date: September 25, 2026

Originally Aired  September 25, 2026: MN State Patrol in-studio. Friggin' try-hards. Everything you've ever wanted to know about stupid friggin' try-hards.   Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheeding.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-ass morning show. 90.3. Er. Don't take this personal, but I hate that your desk is next to mine. When you peer over the cubicle, I'd consider taking your life.

Bitch, let's so happens. After five days straight and dealing with your shit, he said, hope you get hit by a bud. Hello, everybody. Hello, hello, hello. That's a great song, Cubby.

It is. It's fun on a Friday. I got a different song in mind. Or at least just the lyrics. The lyrics crept into my brain earlier, and they kind of echo my feelings on the day. I'm going to go ahead and quote the Smashing Pumpkins. Today is the greatest day I've ever known. Hey, that's awesome.

It's not your usual Friday, vibe. Well, no, no, you're misunderstanding. Oh. Today is the greatest day I've ever known crept into my skull. I mean, I'm exaggerating. And I'm pretty sure the smashing pumpkins were also, nonetheless, I am pretty enthusiastic about dumping one last live broadcast out today and then denying any knowledge or involvement with this place until next Monday.

Ah, yes, there's a twist. You see where I'm going with that now? Sitting up in my chair even feels like too much effort today. I think we all have those. I'm done. I'm frigging. I'm with you today. anybody asked me to do anything above the bare minimum, I quit.

And I think a lot of the rest of you should adopt that same approach. You want to start the day hearing about some total try-hards? Do you? Nobody likes a frigging try-hard. These are some folks who are on record. They're in the books for this, Josh. They're in the record books for this. These are some folks who are the best in the world.

world at ordinary things. Hmm. Like, for example, I'm going to use Cubby as an example. I feel like you might be the best driver. I feel like you might be the best in the world at driving an automobile. As a repeat customer of Uber Josh, I can attest to that as well. Fantastic, five stars all the way. I have to drive with you.

Yeah, I have to sit with you, Josh. Oh, it's quite the experience, actually. He'll cater to your music needs. I got in the car once. one of my favorite artist playing. It was fantastic. Yeah, I did. And I had the temperature just right for you. Absolutely everything, yes. I do care. I don't know that I'm one of the greatest drivers, but I'm very conscientious of my guests.

Very much so. I feel like you are, I don't care if you play me the right music. I don't care if you have a snack or a drink for me. I just think you were very skilled. Like the list of greatest drivers, it goes Warren Johnson. Well, no, first on the list is Josh. Then I'll go Warren Johnson, Greg Anderson, a Jagg Coughlin, Jr.

Richard Petty, John Force. Morgan Freeman from driving Miss Daisy. That's just a movie. Oh, it is. Kenny Bernstein. That's not about Morgan Freeman? And then Dennis Anderson, the original driver of Gravedigger. You're in there with the greatest...

And the commentary is great, too, along the way. I don't need any commentary. He's just a great driver. Well, I know, but I just wanted to point this out. He made one of the cutest Josh Commons of all time. as Josh, a guy who grew up in Minneapolis now lives in the suburbs. He was dropping me off at my house in South Minneapolis and hits a stop sign. He kind of looks left, looks right, and sees an alley.

He goes, oh, I miss alleys. I do miss alleys. I just thought that was the cutest Josh comment ever. Our alley used to flood, so we had like a little inflatable raft. We'd go up and down that thing. Oh, that's kind of fun. As a kid? Right through the sewage and garbage water.

Oh, yeah. You would pretend to be Huckleberry Finn? Pretty much. The difference in where I'm going with with this try hard subject, the difference is the folks I'm about to tell you their story.

They are the best at what they do, but it's ordinary stuff, much more ordinary than driving a hot rod or a funny car. Let's start with running. Pretty ordinary thing. Most folks have heard of this. guy, Usain Bolt. He's the greatest in the world

at running. Did you know this try hard some bitch can run 27.8 miles per hour? That's insane. That's doing way too much. Right, that's why we call him a what? A tryhard. A tryhard. He can run 27. What do they say here, Josh? Fastest human being

ever. For reference, And I will admit this is kind of an odd reference because when I think speed, I don't often think of a grizzly bear, but they note here that a grizzly bear can run 30 miles per hour. Usain Bolt is almost keeping up with the bear. I don't think we should keep up with the bear, Josh. I think we should kill the bear. Today I'm going to kill the bear.

That's terrifying that they can run that fast. I had no idea. Well, yeah, they don't need to. to get that fast to catch you, Ashley. That's so scary. That's why you don't know that. Oh, true. But, oh my, I can realize. Are you also impressed that Usain Bolt can run 27.8? Like, whatever, he's not as fast as a bear.

So you're not that impressed. There's a guy out there by the name of Sean Rona, who can type 256 words per minute. That's insane. See, now you paid attention. in school, Josh. So you probably took a typing class. You type your balls off.

Damn near all day every day. You do. You mean, with show prep, right? Yeah, there's a lot of typing. The majority of your day is typing. Yeah. Clicking and typing. Clicking type.

Do you have any idea what you can blow through in a minute, how many words you, or what the average is? I think the average is 40. Oh, you're right. Oh, I have that right here in front of me. I'm a friggin idiot. The average person writes, or pardon me, the average person can type 40 words per minute. This effing guy can type 256 words per minute with 97% accuracy.

This article has some advice for all of us. They say, go watch him on YouTube. It's absolutely hypnotic. I have not tried those videos yet. I have not tried watching people type on YouTube. My dad, he was a writer and he had a typeer. writer, you know, for the most of me growing up. And I loved the sound of that. My dad could move pretty quick. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, doesn't it? It does. Yeah. Typing. Yeah, I flunked

out of that in high school, but I remember. I'm sorry. I didn't even know that was possible. That was the easy A's class. That was a pretty easy A. I could accomplish. Back in those days, Ashley, I could accomplish some things that would blow your F in mind. Hey, by the way, happy Dolly Parton Day. And I mentioned that because she in the song 9 to 5, that's why today's Dolly Parton Day, 925, September 25th. Oh, for Christ's sake. It's the first one. There's parades.

I mean, it's like. There's a parade? There's people are going to celebrate around the world. If you'd like to participate, you just put like a green, or excuse me, a pink light bulb outside your house. You know how on various days you put like a blue or purple. But the typing thing, that was the percussion in the song 9 to 5, is her acrylic nails just to kind of go with the theme of her being a secretary in the movie.

I love that noise. I do too. Who is the most, I had a word and I lost it. The most prolific, relentless, that's the word I was trying to come up with. Who's the most prolific, relentless talker you've ever known in your life, where eventually you end up just batting at the back of your ear with your hand. and you're just praying it's going to stop because they won't stop talking.

Talk, talk, talk. Who's the most relentless? I wonder if they can touch this some bitch. There's a guy out there named Sean Shannon who I guess can clearly speak 260 words in 23 seconds. Holy heck. Does he rap?

He does not. He should rap. Oh yeah, like M&M. Is he kind of known as one of the faster ones? Yeah, definitely. I believe so. So I'm a Tech 9 fan, and there's a couple artists that he has on some tracks that, I mean, I'll put it this way. One time I put one of the songs on at a house party, everybody was like, who in the world would play this?

You can't understand a single word they're saying because they were going so fast. You think they speed it up, maybe? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I would hope that they won't do that. Fast talkers, I always think of the micro machine guy, the guy that did the commercials for those. Boy, when I was a kid, I wanted micromachines first and foremost. I love those commercials.

Like auctioneers, that's impressive. Yeah, they can go. It's an art form. So here's this guy. He can speak 260 words. And they say here around 23 seconds, that's roughly 655 words falling out of his yapper per minute. I'm trying to think who I would name just the most relentless, merciless talker I've ever known in my life where you just pray that at some point

they're going to land the plane. There's people, yeah, I got a family member, I guess, where I don't think they really want to talk to you. They just want to talk and have you listen. Like they're not too interested. Where they might even ask a question and you start to, and then they keep going. Oh, yeah.

They ask you a question. they want to answer themselves. I remember being at a wedding reception many years ago where the bridesmaid, it was her turn to do the little speechy speech, right? Where the bridesmaid says wonderful things about her best friend and the man that she's marrying. And oh, my God, when we were 12, we used to talk about the, you know.

So this gal went on for so long and was speaking so quickly, These quick rapid fire stories about when they were a kid. And it went on for so long. Finally, one guy in the back of the crowd just unleashes this. He goes, Jesus Christ, I can't believe it. My wife checked in with one, Ashley, one of the rappers, Busta Rimes. Oh, sure. Oh, yeah, he's very fast.

Okay, we're rolling through people who are on record as the best in the world at ordinary things. We've come to reading. You do a lot of that too, Josh. Here's a guy who can read 25,000 words per minute. Wow. His name is Howard. He's verified by Guinness World Records.

I always thought it was like speed readers. A friend of mine was a speed reader. Really? So basically... You hung out with the bad boys. We see where you get it from, Josh. He was kind of a bad boy. He's one of the biggest drugies I ever met, and it was because he had to slow his brain down.

I mean, he'd be reading, it wasn't like he was reading John Grism, and no offense to him, because I've read plenty of his books. I mean, he's reading, like, I don't, tomes from the 1600. I mean, it was crazy stuff, and so he'd just take his index finger and kind of follow it down. It was just like, page done, turn, page done, turn. He was one of the smartest guys ever met, but also the biggest druggie. Druggy. I know the type. I've got one friend who's like this where he, he needs.

needs marijuana just to bring himself down to a normal level. Yep. Because he's 1,000 miles an hour with his brain. It reminds me of if you guys have ever watched Criminal Minds. Never saw it. That's who I always picture, yeah. Yeah, he has like an, what is that, memory. Idetic?

Yeah. Or something similar to that? And so it makes it where he can, like, read that fast. And that's exactly what it is. And his name is Reed? Yeah, I loved him. Spencer Reed. Yeah, he's amazing.

Oh. Did you guys ever, obviously, in school, did you do the timed reading? No, I was in typing class. No, you weren't. We never did that. Timed reading. Yeah, so they would take us out in the hallway, I don't know, twice or three times a year, and then they would give us a paragraph to read,

and they would record how fast we could read it, and if we were doing it correctly. And I took that so seriously. That was a competition, and I nailed it. You won? I'm a pretty fast reader, yeah. I like it. Like, usually if I start a book, say, I don't know, like an, what's an average book, Josh?

What do you mean? 250 pages? Probably a little more than that. I can finish it in less than four hours, less than three hours. This Howard guy who can read 25,000 words per minute. They say here he can read a full novel in about 10 minutes. That's you badass. Outrageous.

I mean, imagine how intelligent he must be. I wonder if he can remember. that. Yeah, how much do you retain? I'd be interested to know if he could just recite whatever afterwards. One of my favorite Iron Maiden songs, Josh and I were talking Iron Maiden off air, and

Ashley was praying for death. Were we boring the crap out of you? I was tuning out, tuning out, tuning in. One of my favorite Iron Maiden songs comes off their 1986 Somewhere in Time album, and this song is called the loneliness of the long-distance runner.

Now here's a guy. He's the greatest long-distance runner of all time. His name is Dean. In 20 and 15, that's 11 years ago. He was 53 years old. And he ran from San Francisco to Stanford University. Well, is that, that doesn't make sense. I should have researched this.

The dude ran without stopping. I guess that's the real point here. He ran without stopping for 80 hours and 44 minutes. How many days is that? 80 hours and 44 minutes, you said? Yeah. That's like four or five days, isn't it? Three days and eight hours.

Three days. He ran for three days. So they're calling him in the books. They call him the greatest long-distance runner. of all time. During the process, he lost five toenails, which is a pleasant feeling. If anyone's ever lost a toenail or a fingernail, you know, that feels great. Yeah, it hurts. He briefly fell asleep while running.

What? That's what I have in front of me. I don't know. And by the time he was done, he had hypothermia. He's got to be a robot of some sort. My buddy, you guys know him, Hot Paul. He does those 100-mile marathons. There's a term for those. Like ultra-marathon?

You don't really hang out with hot-pull anymore. What happened between you and Hot Paul? He just got sick of me, I think. He's too busy running all the time. I thought he was kind of a stiff. Hot Paul? No, not at all. It's great.

Now this one, we've got guys who can run fast, guys who can read fast, talk fast, run long distances. that's all impressive. But here's where I really get thrown. Because when I was a kid, whenever somebody tossed me into a pool or a body of water, it was a coin toss if I was going to live through the experience. Because I was never a very good swimmer.

And I have never been able to hold my breath any longer than a frigging heartbeat. As a matter of fact, Ashley was talking about some test you took in school where they checked to see how fast you could read. Yep. I remember in swim class when we were ninth graders or eighth graders. There we are, all standing in the shallow end. And the task that day was to just get underwater and start swimming and we'll see how far you can go. We'll see how far you can swim while holding your breath underwater.

There were effing peckerheads in my junior high who could go from the shallow end all the way down to the deep end and then back to the shallow. And I'm just sitting there in total amazement. How in the hell? It came my turn. I got about six strokes forward in the shallow end, and I came up just gasping. Somebody saved me. And the gym teacher was like, really?

That's as far as I'm like, yeah, I'm out of win, bro. So to read about a guy who held his breath underwater for nearly 30 minutes, blows my friggin' skull smooth off. I got to look up the name. How long Navy SEALs do it? This guy's Croatian, if that matters at all to you. And I'm sure it doesn't. He says here he's a free diver.

Yeah, and he's got the record for the longest time holding his breath underwater. I like the way the article says, longer than most lunch breaks. Now, once he got it done when he set that record of near 30 minutes, he did admit it was one of the worst experiences of his life. He doesn't make any further explanation on that. I don't want to know. When did it start to become the worst experience of your life? He came up, he took a breath and he said, that really sucked.

He said it was awful, but he did it anyway. The free diver? That's absolutely terrifying. What is a free diver? I think I'm correct. Like they're not tethered to anything. and they just like go into like a cave and they're just like no that's just the people that don't have a tank right isn't that a yeah yeah yeah yeah no oxygen yeah yeah i i think that's what i always thought

what the hell what the hell's a muff diver oh you know what me that's how you off air that's you me i used to have some practice holding my breath back when you drank tap beer oh sometimes i'd have to hold onto it for a little bit i created uh there was a fun A terrible smelly weather system in the studio years ago when I used to drink a lot of tap beer. I'd come into work and my stomach would just not be... You could see it, Ashley. You could see it. And you don't want to breathe through your mouth.

Belinda Jensen would report on it, like where it was headed and what it was going to... Yeah, instead of an El Nino is an L. Nico. We'd have to issue one of those. It's moving from the south to the north at about 30 miles and a... Okay, we can close this out with a couple more humorous type. records. Again, if you just tune it in, these here are folks who are the greatest in the world, the greatest of all time at ordinary things. There's not a lot of comedy in the world that hits me harder than a sneeze attack. It's cool for a little bit and then it starts to piss me off.

Like, get it together. but they can't. You can put Rodney Dangerfield, Andrew Dice, Clay, Josh, and who are the three funniest people in the world? Roseanne Barr, you can put the three of them up on stage together. And I might not laugh as hard at the three of them

as I would laugh at someone who's having a sneeze attack that will not stop. My grandma used to get them and they were good comedy, especially because she'd try and yell at people making fun of her in between sneezes. The facial expressions, I mean, it's just... And there's nothing. they can do. It's so perfect for me. I don't know why. The greatest performance I ever saw in my life

was the summer of 1985 when my dad's buddy cut loose with 27 in a row. That was the greatest I've ever. I was going to say, I think my grandma's most was maybe 11. 27? Oh yeah. We were on a bus. Here's how it happened if he really. We were floating down the Apples River. So it was me and my buddy and his dad and some other people. You know, when you used to do the Apple River, you could, at the end of the ride, you could jump on the school bus and they'd take you back to the campground, right?

And the bus would also be loaded with all the inner tubes that you were floating on. So it's me, my buddy, and his dad on this school bus. They're taking us back to the campground and the bus is also loaded with all the inner tubes. So I think the dude was like allergic to rubber or something like that.

So it just made him crazy. And he's just, A pa! A pa! And, I mean, my buddy and I were on the floor of the bus. I thought I would maybe, I thought I'd maybe broken something. I was laughing so hard. So anyway, here's a lady.

Do you mind sorry? Can you give me like the rhythm? So was there a big space in between? Yes. It was kind of a slow jam. Okay. It was Papa. Papa.

Yeah. Which made it even better. My grandma was more EDM with hers. I don't know what that means. Hachoo. Hachoo. Oh, a faster. Hachoo.

So, for you. For us kids who were watching it, I think that gap in between made it that much more difficult for us to endure because just the anticipation was just killing us and the facial expression. The most I've ever pulled off was seven. That's because I was petting a cat and then touched my face. Seven. Okay. This gal.

And that hurt. Back in 19 and 81, January 13th, 19 and 81. She sneezed. and she continued to sneeze for 977 days. That is awful. I mean, at some point would you think about just euthanasia? Yes. After like day two, dude?

Youth in Asia? Not mega death. It reminds me those people that get the hiccups for a year. Oh, God. Beautiful. Yeah, I was just going to look that up. Was it a woman or a young gal that had that, what, It was outrageous.

I just think Herschel Walker had hiccups for like two years and once? My ex-husband's grandfather had them for a year. My wife gets him all the time. Had them for a year. Yeah, I can't remember the reasoning. It was really fascinating, though. You're sure about that that it was a year? He wasn't telling you a story?

No, he wouldn't do that. Yeah, I thought it was a long time. It was only 68 years. Who? A farmer named Charles Osborne. Oh. Shoot. Well, then why is he not?

We're talking hiccups here. Oh, oh, sorry, yes. 1922 to 1922, I'm sorry, to 1990. 70? 68 years. So this lady who sneezed for 977 days, her name was Donna. And they estimate that she sneezed. Do I have this correctly?

Oh, Jesus. So you mentioned earlier, Josh, the pace. your grandmother's sneezers. I'm being told on the text machine that people call them sneezers. Your grandmother's sneezers were kind of a faster-paced EDM beat. Yep.

Okay. And that must have been the same situation with this, Donna. So again, she sneezed for 977 days straight. It's estimated that in the first year alone, she sneezed one million times. Oh. So 977 days, that's what?

Three years or something like that? Are you, yeah. Are you guys able to sneeze just once? I usually write a lot for two or three. Sometimes, yeah. You hear me around here. Yeah, I've one big one, and then I'll get another big one maybe an hour later. Yeah, that's how I'm lucky in that way.

But yeah, there's people that they're for sure two, maybe three. They say three is good luck. Do they? Yeah, it's like an old white still. Every time somebody sneezes three times, I'm like, hey, good luck. I'm going to look that up. I want to see if there's a background on that. Yeah, I think somebody told me like, all right, well, actually, I think, like, in general, sneezing,

they're, like, is supposed to be good luck because I think it was, like, one means you'll find, like, you'll find, like, love. And, like, if you get three sneezes, that means you'll find some money. So one sneeze is someone saying something nice about you or missing you. Now, two sneezes, someone saying something negative things or gossiping. about you. Three sneezes. Someone has feelings of love for you. And then four sneezes, euthanasia. What's 27? Also euthanasia. Satan has crawled into your body and is pulling the strings. Actually, it says four seasons, or seasons, four sneezers or more,

it jokes that you're simply getting a cold. So we mentioned, and we can wrap this up here, We mentioned fast talkers earlier. This is something that drives my wife crazy about me and my twin brother. She says both of us talk way too loud, and it is kind of a born trait. All the males in the born family, for whatever reason, when we have just a casual conversation, we end up shouting at each other. It's a thing. It drives my wife up the wall, especially when I'm on the telephone.

She just storms into the room and says, You're shouting! And she's right. I don't know. I can't help it. I think that's kind of common. We're loud talkers in the family. So here's a guy, Joe.

They say he's got the loudest voice on record. 122.4 decibels. They compare his speaking voice to a jet engine taken off, a chain of saw. which will do what? Make your ass raw. Oh, and then the last one is a joke. My mother-in-law yelling from upstairs.

Anyway, so this guy's as loud as an airplane taken off and a chain of saw. This is funny about sneezing from Always Hurt Jesus. She says, I bless my husband the first two sneezes, and the third I tell him, all right, this is between you and Jesus. Hey, the cops are headed in later. Awesome. I missed those guys. The effing cops are going to be here.

our two old pals from the Minnesota State Patrol. You got old Gordon Shank. And you know what else? You know who else is going to be here? The Pimp, Mikey Lee, and we're told they're going to bring a friend. Yeah, they have a new public information officer. And they're going to introduce her. In the business day, they call that the PIO.

PIO. PIO? Yep. They're going to introduce her to us. She's coming in for the first. time. They'll be checking in around oh, I don't know, they're going to give us what for around 8.30 this morning.

So there you effing go. You guys feeling all right? Doing good. Yeah. When we come back, we'll hit up the stupid news. We appreciate you hanging out with us this morning on the half-assed morning show. The 93-Ags Half-Ast morning show.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tuneup or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tuneup as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save.

Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Online at standard heating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the work. person get compensated for work-related injuries, even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades

with Polymarket combos. promo code WWOS. New customers, deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarket's terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as not withdrawal trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions.

Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. All right. I got a text message here. I got myself a text here that needs to be heard. This is very important. Josh, we're on the radio. You go and sit by your microphone. I want to sit by you.

What are you doing? Well, he's getting on his knees. He's got a flashlight going. Oh. I was illuminating your... I lost something here. Josh has got his flashlight out. Here's a text message that reads,

Good morning, bacon stripes. And called worse. He says tomorrow is the South Dakota and Minnesota duck opener. Shout out to all the hunters, good luck. Yeah, get her done. Indeed. Say hello to all the small town strippers for me. Appreciate your text.

Yeah, a lot of folks are heading this way, that way for the duck. Okay, to start off today's report, this guy came off like a little bitch. Yeah, he did. down there in Arizona. A young fella called Noah, 23 years old, don't you know? Yeah. He made his living at the local feed store.

But then they gave him the gas. He got fired. And here's why. Apparently, Noah is a creep. Noah was, uh, he was creeping on what they called. call here the bikini baristas at the nearby coffee shop. We don't have one of those here, do we? If we do, you'd think we would have heard of it right now.

Oh, for sure. Somebody would have pointed it out to us. You would have made an appearance there for the radio station from noon to two on a Saturday or something. I was thinking that the station would probably be hooked up with that. Whenever Noah had some spare time over there at the feed shop, he would run on over to the coffee shop where the the young gals serve coffee while wearing little teeny tiny bikinis, which is an interesting hook, isn't it? They did that in Landman. You guys watched Landman?

I've heard Landman, yeah. Convenient to check it out. Wait, but you're watching it now? Yeah. Okay. Do you recommend it? I do. You do?

You do? Anybody. Fantastic show. So, anyways, Noah would go on over to the bikini coffee shop and just take pictures of the gals. He was a total pain in the ass. idiot about it, the hot mama's complained about his behavior, and he was fired from that feed store that I was telling you about.

Well, losing his gig did not sit well with Noah. Oh, he does not handle rejection well. And we know that because after he got the boot, he waited a month, and then he returned to feed store and he burned it to the ground total disaster sorry-ass owner of this feed shop says he doesn't know what he's gonna do he's out hundreds of thousands of dollars all due to the fact that Noah is a little virgin punk bitch who wasn't mature enough to handle losing his gig the feed shop had surveillance cameras by God

And the video showed someone walking up and lightened that pig of fire. Of course, bitch-ass Noah was an immediate suspect because he was the last swinging D to get canned from the joint. He should have waited a little bit. Oh, he waited a month. No, a little bit longer. Give it a year. Give it a year. Just not on the anniversary. There was other evidence, too. this year made it awful easy for the police,

and I hope I can say this out loud correctly, cut me off if I go astray. It says here, the feed store's Wi-Fi network logged a phone labeled Noah connecting just before the fire started. Oh, that's great. Because that normally, obviously, that wouldn't happen to somebody that has never connected to their Wi-Fi again.

But because he worked there, it just automatically connects. What an idiot. Smart that they figured that out. Definitely. Or thought to look. The cell tower records also placed him at the scene of the crime. So, you know, there you go.

All you have to do is watch one Dateline episode to know leave your phone at home. Although they do say if somebody's, if it's unusual that is for them to leave their phone at home, then they also find that suspicious. I've got to find a nice middle ground there. You do. And you know how they say, Josh, you know how they say that a lot of lunatics like to return to the scene of their crime? Word is, Noah stopped by what was left of the feed store a day or two after the fire.

He was wearing a GoPro-style camera hat or something, and he asked the cops about the status of their investigation. So, you got any leads on this? You got any idea who did this? What a clown. Yeah, this guy's a dope. Noah eventually confessed when the cops turned the screws on him. And he said he and a friend had been drinking all night,

and they decided to, quote, do something fun. So long, piss bag. Yeah, I don't know. Ruining somebody's livelihood does not sound fun to me. No. Well, whose livelihood is it? somebody else's. But yeah, I think that matters.

Like, Josh, you and I know a couple people where I don't know. You might feel some regret, but I wouldn't if we turned up and ruined their livelihood. I wouldn't want to do that. I know. You would feel regret. I would not. We got a text here saying, we had bikini baristas all over when I was stationed in Washington. And a few people are saying that on the West Coast, you can find some of those.

Yeah, I'd love that. We should bring them here. but maybe it's, I guess Washington can get cold. I thought maybe it's too cold. I don't know the rules on bikini coffee shops. I do not. They probably have more visitors in the winter if it's cold. I see what you're saying.

Not the real Jesus said that some of them even have channels you can stream as the day goes on to watch them make your cappuccino or something. I'll be damned. Oh, Christ, this nonsense again. those effing dopey high dollar fashion shows you and your effing fashion shows I just I'll never understand them I'm gonna flash them Josh

you are I'm gonna open up this bathrobe and I'm gonna wiggle my D at them you want to know why because I want you to have a heart attack and die so we don't have to do this crap anymore you and your effing fashion shows they are weird it's one of those like nobody

it's never close that it's gonna sell it a a gap or anything like that. No, I really don't, I don't get them. That's the first thing that cracks me up. The models wear just the most ridiculous outfits, they look like they came from outer space. And all the artsy, fartsy types try to lead us to

believe that, oh, this style is so hot right now. And in reality, you will never in your lifetime see any normal person wearing their dumbass clothing. Never. Actually, I can change your mind on fashion shows. What's up? I once had a work gig where I emcealed a fashion show.

for dogs who needed to be adopted. Oh, I knew it. Ah, dude, that's super cool. It was awesome. Nick's been a part of a fashion show. Yes, I was. Was it kind of similar to dogs that needed adoption? Well, there were a couple of dogs on stage, I'll tell you that.

I was one of them. Oh, this was many, many, many years ago when I had first started at the radio station, Josh, so I felt like I had to agree to everything. And we kind of did. We did. And, I mean, the nice thing was you made a few extra bucks here and there. when you agreed to do these silly things. So the hot chicks and the sales department said there's this local media fashion show happening

where there's going to be television and radio people walking the aisle, the runway, I guess you call it, in the business. And you'll be wearing the latest clothing from Dayton's or whoever hosted it. I think it might have been Dayton's downtown, right? So I said, sure. And I mean, it wasn't horrible. They put me in some kind of Tommy Bahama type outfit. I remember it being very, I'm on the beach.

Nothing you'd ever wear in real life. Perfect for you. No, nothing I'd wear in real life, but it wasn't horrible. It was just a pair of khaki pants, some sandals and some kind of Hawaiian button-up shirt. And here's Nick from 93X wearing the latest blankety-blank for when you go on vacation, right? It wasn't so bad. I mean, the highlight was seeing Frank Vasselero and nothing but his tiny little satin underwear. Oh, he's good looking guy.

We were in the locker room together. What do you call it? The dressing room together. That's all I really remember about it. It was fairly painless. I mean, I do remember at one point or another seconds before I hit the runway thinking myself, holy balls, I'm in a fashion show, you know.

Did you do a good strut? Did you have a nice walkdown or what? Probably not. I probably left. Spin at the end, flip your hair a little. Yeah, good step and turn. Yeah. Did they tell you to do anything like, okay, keep your arms like this,

look, puts your chest out. If they did, I have no memory of it. I probably left a lot to be desired when it came to the actual walk up and down. I just walked. I don't recall them giving us any order. So here we go. I think every girl has tried that. In London, England, they cut loose with the latest delusional fashion show. And some folks are very upset by one of the gimmicks. And I think it will go down as one of the dumbest things I've ever seen. So one of the models, a gal called Lee, she showed up pregnant as all hell. When she walked the aisle, her big pregnant belly was exposed, and that's nothing special and nothing that would cause anyone to lose their mind. We've all seen... Except for some elderly women. They don't like that. They don't like pregnant women? They don't like the

exposed belly. I got some grief for the... that from only elderly women if I was like out and about and I wasn't wearing like a huge baggy shirt to cover my belly and like it was showing. Did they explain why? That's odd. No. You know, here's the good news, Ashley. At this point now, a couple of them are probably dead.

You're probably right. You'll win. Guess who's alive. That means me. I've always looked at it as that's a victory for you. So again, this is not what people were upset about. A model walked the aisle pregnant with her exposed pregnant. belly. But then in the middle of her little walkie walk, she stopped. And next thing you know,

the top she was wearing suddenly started spewing fake milk. Oh, no. I don't get it. It was made to appear that her cans were shooting life-giving breast milk all over the runway. And the worst part about it to me is as this was happening, Lee, the pregnant model, and all the other models, are staring at the crowd as if what they were doing was the deepest, most meaningful, and brilliant thing that anyone had ever seen. Well, a couple of those ladies were getting facials. Yes. It was, I don't understand. She did even, she did splooge some of the fake boob milk on some of the other models.

And again, who all had the dumbest looks on their faces. you have to see it to believe it. It's on 93x.com. They're looking into the crowd as if they were thinking, is this not the most impactful thing you have ever seen in your life? And the crowd is looking around like they're at a comedy act. So, as I said, a lot of folks on that godless social media also thought that this was damn near the silliest thing they've ever witnessed.

One lady said, this is lame. This is why women can't nurse in public because because idiots like this sexualize breastfeeding. You got to see the video. You got to see the facial expressions.

I 100% agree with what that one was saying. Yeah. I was trying to think how I react if I saw something like that. Certainly I'd be shocked. Are you kidding me? Are they really doing this? But I'd imagine it's the same reaction

I had when I was at an outdoor church service and they invited a young guy up and they said, Nick lost his chew and he's going nuts. I can feel your pain. That's like me when I lose my. You sick. Okay, go ahead. I'm sorry, John.

That's all right. You looked enraged. I am enraged. I know. So I said we got an outdoor church show or something. It's a service. It was a mass, right? They headed outdoors.

And they had, they're like, we got a young man here who wants to share the word of God. We thought, all right, here we go, a young guy. Oh, God, was it Randy Watson? No, it wasn't Randy Watson. And he got up there and started to beatbox and rap about God. And it was so different than what I was expecting that all I could do was lock eyes with a couple of dudes around me. And we're looking at each other like, are you kidding me?

Is this really what's going on? It was so awkward. He was rapping about Jesus. Yeah, it was the weirdest thing I'd ever seen. And that had never happened at that church since I'd make. I'm jealous. I want to see that. I would have love that. So he just took to the...

Yeah. Be boxing, the whole thing. Did you get up and... Jesus. Did you go left right? What do they call this again? Hands in the air like you just don't care? No, I cared. You were frozen in...

I kept my hands down. I cared. Dude, was anybody like really into it? No. Everyone was... It was very awkward. Did... So what do they call that again? Second-hand cringe.

Is that what it was? Second-hand embarrassment. Second-hand embarrassment. Definitely out there. And just kind of like, like I said, I remember the faces of some of the guys around me. We're all going, what is happening here? Did the dude ever say, Beg-K-D-B-B-K-B-K-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-chch-chchchchch-chchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchchix.

Nothing? No, not that I remember. Like I said, I was, it was traumatic. Yeah, you just can't. It looks so awkward what she's doing up there. It's terrible. I can get a lot more distance than she can. Spring.

Wait, you know this for a fact? Yeah. I mean, every once in a while you want to try to help a letdown. So a letdown is when like your milk rushes in and like comes out a lot faster. And you want that to happen. And sometimes when you're struggling in order to trigger it, you have trigger it. You have to massage yourself. and that includes it sometimes just shooting across the room.

I love that you won up the distance of the breast milk. I've done it in front of my husband before and he's like, oh my gosh, that's incredible. The distance. I'm like, yeah, I'm skilled. I understand that kind of breath. Speaking of secondhand embarrassment on stage. type secondhand embarrassment, like your story of the church rapper. Should I tell the promise keeper's story again?

Yeah, yeah, that's quite the story. As it was told to me. Now, I was not there, but this was told to me by a dude who used to work in the building who was there. You guys probably don't have any memory of this, do you? No. Oh, I remember. Oh, no, I'm talking.

I was looking at. the younger people. There was a group that gained a little steam, oh, I don't know, late 90s. And they called themselves the promise keepers. They were all men, from what I remember. Again, this is a long time ago. This was a story that was told to me, so don't come knocking on our door if I go south here. And you're not kidding about this big, they're a big group.

I mean, they'd sell out stadiums, right? Yes. It was, from what I remember, all men, mostly married men, I think. think, and they would gather and kind of talk about their feelings. And they would get on stage and tell horrible stories of their poor behavior. But the point was, yes, I used to be a terrible person, but now I've changed my ways. And I promise, because I'm a promise keeper, to become a better man. And everyone would go, oh, for Christ's sake, that's unbelievable.

And they'd stand up. And that was kind of the gimmick. So this dude who used to work here told us that he went to the Promise Keepers meeting. It was at the old Metrodome. Like they sold out the old Metrodome for this. And he said this is on the stage. It was loaded with local athletes, local celebrities. So he says this.

First up, like an ex-Minnesota twin or something gets on stage and says, for years I used to drink a case of beer a day and then I'd whack down a bottle of Jack Daniels at night and I mistreated my children I never attended any of their ball games or their school plays and I neglected my wife and I became a lazy bastard and I hated myself self self

but now it's all different because I'm a promise game and they said oh that's great man good for you turning it around and then the next guy got up there and said I used to beat up my wife every night, night, night, night. And I choked her out and the cops were called, called, called. But now I'm different because of the problem. Oh, that's great.

Hey, man, you're doing good. Don't worry about breaking your wife's nose. You're better now. You're a problem. Of course, Ashley's giving me dirty looks. I'm slightly exaggerating for comedic purposes. So, according to the guy who told us a story, he said after six or seven of these local celebrity types have gotten up there,

and told these horrific stories of their past behavior. In his opinion, the last guy sitting there that had yet to speak, in our buddy's opinion, he said, this guy must have been thinking, well, Jesus, how do I top this? What kind of story can I tell after all of what we've already heard that would grab the attention of the audience? So according to the story, the guy gets up there on the mic and he says, I used to masturbate

17 times a day day day Oh no And my skin would hurt And my wrist broke And everyone in the crowd Who was so supportive For everybody else

Was sitting there going Oh God man What's wrong with you And so when he was done with his Chronic masturbation But it's different now Because I'm a promise The crowd was a little less enthusiastic

They were like Oh okay whatever Yeah Jesus really 17 times I'm not going to shake hands with that guy later. Where did you put all of it for God? What did you have a kiddie pool or something?

Everybody else is high-fiving off the stage. Nobody's responding to him. They kind of pull the hand back. That was the story we were told where there was all this just horrible gut-wrenching stories of poor. And then the last guy kind of brought the show to a halt with his jack-off story. Maybe that's where the COVID elbow bump started. Way back then. Yeah, yeah.

God, do you... I wonder if he noticed. Like, oh, no. What have I done? You have to notice. There's no way. Well, we kind of ran smooth out of time here. Well, I guess, I can squeeze in one more.

I don't know. This Friday, who cares? Yeah, you're right. I was just hoping to go to commercial here, so... I can properly rage. Because I have lost something. It sits in front of me all day. suddenly it's nowhere to be found.

Maybe you just need some woman eyes. I'll help you out. Woman eyes? I thought you said woman eyes. So yeah, that's what I thought you meant to in I-Z-E at dinner. All right, one more story real quick. Josh, what was the story again where you were at a promotion here for the radio station and you were supposed to give away somewhere around four pair of concert tickets,

but instead you gave away 40 pair of concert tickets? Yeah, that was Maplewood Auto Mall. And we were giving away a whole bunch of tickets to our boat crews. So there's a limited amount of tickets. And the promotions person's like, yeah, we've got like 60 pair to give away. And I thought, wonderful. Everybody that shows up is going to get them. So I gave away 60 pair.

And it turns out she later on says, oh, no, I meant 60 tickets. So I had doubled that amount. Which would be 30 pair. I mean, honestly, I thought I'm going to have to make so many phone calls. Luckily, our promotions guy at the time was able to accommodate. but that's awesome. That is not your fault. Calling the promotions director and the salesperson saying, hey, I screwed this up big time.

I had bad intel, but I... Anyone else in the building makes that mistake, they go, ah, for Christ's sake, and they're upset about it for about three minutes. Josh didn't sleep for eight days. I felt terrible. Okay. Let's see what you can make... And we've got to get the hell out of here. Let's see what you can make of this.

In Ohio, at the local Dunkin' Donuts. By God, they were working. working their ever-loving balls off a day or two ago because somebody or another went ahead and ordered 6,000 donuts. I mean, the boss said, no cigarette breaks today, boys, dial in. We got 6,000 F me running donuts to make, and we got to make them right now. So they started pumping out donuts. Like Catholics pump out babies.

New guys in the corner puking his guts. out. The boss was a hollering. Go, go, go, go. You call that making donuts? It was a high stress situation. More, more, more. The boss is hollering at them. And guess what? They got it done. They got it done. When it was over, there were bodies everywhere. Dunkin' Donut workers had smooth collapsed from exhaustion, but they got it done. I'm proud of you, the boss said, each and every one of you. And then it happened. The new guy. still wiping vomit from his chin. The new guy took a little closer look at that 6,000 donut order

and saw that the customer had only ordered 60 donuts. Give you a bad. I would just quietly walk out the door. Just a simple misprint, a misunderstanding. There never was an order that wanted him to go, $6,000. Donuts Deep. Just some heavy guy in the neighborhood who ordered 60 of them. Yeah, I think I would hang up my apron and just think, do I come back and pick up my final check? Do you know it out? How does that work? You don't even speak. My God. What have we done?

The boss said. New guy went right back to the corner of the room, again with the pukin. Exhausted and embarrassed. The boss only had one choice. He decided that the other 5,940 donuts should be given away. So they went ahead and put a sign on their front door that said, we effed up, these donuts aren't going to eat themselves, come on in and take as many as you want. We hate ourselves.

I can imagine. You know, they got some good publicity out of it. Maybe it was worth it in a way. That's such a big a hit. That night, the boss there from that Dunkin' Donuts shop, he went to sleep and he never woke up again. That's too bad. Oh, those are so good, though.

Yum. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. All right, for Pete's sake. We had fun telling that donut story a few minutes ago. Had a stinking dunkin' donuts. I think it was in Ohio. They thought they had an order come in for 6,000 donuts,

and they worked their nuts off to get it done. Just about broke everybody in the building, but they were able to produce. 6,000 donuts. They're ready to fill that order. And then the new guy looks at the receipt and says, it wasn't 6,000 donuts, you sons of bitches, it was only 60. That sucks so bad. How about this text message here from Man Purse Jesus? This peckerhead used to work at Baker's Square. I miss Baker's Square. Great place. Me too. Delicious.

He said, we stopped there every Thanksgiving to pick up pies. Is that right? That's right. It's funny you're talking. What about cream pie? Did you ever... I don't know why you'd do that on a Friday. So Man Purse Jesus said he was working at Baker's Square and they just made a jackload of pies like they do. And then a blizzard hit town. And so nobody was really out and about coming into Baker Square to buy up all those pies.

So you would think this would be a blessing, but it turned into a curse. Man Purse Jesus had to take. take home 50 French silk pies because they were going to go bad. He said, that's what I would think, too. I love French silk pie. That's good. I will lick one of those things down so fast it'll make you puke. But he says he had to take 50 of them home.

You can imagine. He says, now, today, he can't even look at a French silk pie. I'll bet. He hates them. Dude, somebody covered in metal Jesus just told me that his wife works at the Baker Baker Square and Coon Rapids. Yeah, I just looked it up. It's legit. What? I know what I'm doing today.

Hey, Dana wasn't sari. One of my favorite restaurants in Egan. Was that a Baker Square? It was, yeah. Kind of shaped like a Baker Square. It was. Definitely a Baker Square back in the day. Definitely missed that. We got Vikings long snapper Andrew D. Powell joining us in a half hour. For now, I'll just tell you, it's fan appreciation weekend

at Target Field. The Twins wrap her up with the Texas Rangers. The links start their playoffs on Sunday. Golden Gopher Football has that assinine. game tomorrow night at 10 o'clock. We'll get involved in this, that. Cuppie's news is coming up next. The 93X half-assed morning show.

Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up

or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. It's football season. On Polly Market trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode W-W-C-FB.

New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as non-withdrawable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions.

They're gross. They're offensive and kids on the road see them. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Setting release conditions that include tiered appearance bond $100,000. Like, tired mining that would be installed before you release from custody. $100,000? Yes, these are very serious charges. According to a 40-year-old Arizona man, the absolute only reason he didn't plow his car into a school yard full of playing children was the fact that he's an extraordinarily good guy.

Daniel Lamb, Arizona's most delusional citizen, faces terrorism charges after texting his mother about scouting an elementary school playground for a potential massacre. He decided to tell this to his mother? Yeah, he told mom. I think that explains a lot right from the get-go, doesn't it? I could not help but notice a playground full of kids playing, Lamb wrote and a message sent to mommy. Yeah, when his closest confidant is his mother and he's a grown person, that's a red flag right there. This was all timed in coordination with their recess, he said. Investigators say he described the playground as a serious opportunity for mass child murder,

and by his own staggering self-assessment, the only thing standing him, excuse me, standing between those children and a massacre, was that he happened to, to be a remarkably strong and good man, he said, of himself. Last week, Lamb posted a screenshot of an email where he actively dared law enforcement to intervene. Oh, they love that. If you don't arrest me this weekend, I swear on my life that I will use my car to kill as many people as possible next week.

Is that better, he asked? What do you mean? Is that better? Yeah, I don't know. I don't really know better than... Well, let's ask his mother. Yeah. She understands him.

Instead of driving his car into a playground, he should just drive it into a brick wall. We're off a cliff. From there, his diatribes devolved into pure word salad. Lamb rambled across disjointed subjects writing, and this is going to be tough. Ever since I got back from Sweden, the child killers have been doing something new, urging me to insincerely plan an attack while suggesting that I could not possibly be held accountable for it given the horrific violence deployed to procure a toy. totally bogus plan, to say nothing of the imminent threat of being homeless and out on the streets,

all access to be paid and unpaid services in the private and public sectors effectively blocked. Woo-wee is this guy cooked. It's going to take a while to figure that one out. He said a lot of words and they meant absolutely nothing. And only a couple of commas in there. This guy is cooked. In another message, he explained his hit list nationwide. He expanded it, declaring his intention to eliminate every policy.

politician in the country along with their entire bloodlines. Oh, dude, he's got a really busy schedule. While again, defensively adding that planning to murder families shouldn't be considered a character flaw, and he hasn't done it yet because he's a good person. The state of Arizona was unimpressed by his self-proclaimed heroism, charging him with making terroristic threats. Yeah, all right, well. The whole bloodline, that would take forever.

This guy needs to rest a bit. Yeah, someplace. Sounds like he needs a rest. Where he has that outfit that makes him hug himself. Yeah. Patted walls, yeah. I've seen that coat before. It looks pretty comfortable, really, but...

Yeah, kind of. Yeah. You know, maybe every once in a while to give yourself a hug. It'll feel good emotionally. Students at both Lakeville High Schools returned to class yesterday. Two days after two separate threats, forced evacuations and sent police racing to both campuses. No one really knew it was going on, so yeah, it's pretty scary.

Every time there's a threat of any sort, we treat it as real until we know it's not. The trouble started Tuesday when someone sent threats referencing weapons and explosives to a tip line run by Lakeville school officials. That was enough to clear both Lakeville North and South while officer searched the grounds. The threats echo one made against Elk River High School just last week, and investigators believe the cases may be connected. Part of a larger, troubling pattern of school threats that often trace back outside of Minnesota and sometimes, perhaps like in this case, outside the country entirely.

There was a report of explosives. And then most often the hoaxes or the swatting incidents we see often originating overseas. Investigators rely on specific cues and patterns to judge whether a threat is credible enough to justify a full evacuation. It's a balancing act, they said, while law enforcement says the volume of threats is climbing, The number of actual violent incidents on school property fell last year. Still, police point to tragedies like the terrible attack at Annunciation, as proof mass casualty events remain a real possibility, and that law enforcement has to stay ready for one. In both Elk River and Lakeville, searches turned up no weapons or explosives.

The investigations remain open, but authorities say the evidence so far points to swatting. Police say similar swatting cases elsewhere have led to arrests in other states outside of Minnesota. We've seen an increase in the number of both hoaxes and also we've seen real threats to school districts. To combat the growing crisis, the Minnesota legislature passed a law last year requiring every school district in the state to report all threats to the Minnesota Department of Public Safety. The incoming data feeds a centralized database, helping investigators track emerging patterns and connect the dots between cases. I cannot fathom getting that email or call from a school. even if you know you find out that it's a complete hoax, a swatting thing.

That makes my stomach hurt. That's scary for everybody. Waste a lot of resources. But it seems like they think this one might be even out of the country. Yeah. So that's what like some of our, I'm taking a guess here, Josh, are some of our enemies having fun with this by calling in school threats and watching us panic and run around and wet our pants and whatnot?

Is that part of the deal? Or is this just bored teenage kids in Hungary? I don't think it's teenage kids. I mean, that's my dumb guy understanding from talking to a couple of people that were involved in this. By the way, is Hungary a real place? I just said it out loud. Yeah, Hungary? Sure.

Good. Used to summer there. You did? You summer in a lot of places I've noticed. A 72-year-old Ohio man turned to stalking to feed his Pokemon card habit, slapping a GPS tracker on a delivery driver's car to trace shipments back to their source, then using it to tail a store employee who restocks the coveted cards. My goodness.

It's the case of the cardstocker, stalker. They are connected. I mean, they follow different groups. They talk to different people. People that work in the stores, they'll try to get as much intel as they can so they can get a chance to get it. Kent Cabasta was arrested after the driver spotted a tracker and called police. who say the incident is a sign of just how fierce the Pokemon card frenzies become. The trading cards are making their 30th anniversary this year,

and demand has never been hotter. Pokemon is absolutely the hottest thing going. Randy Kendall there, the manager of an Operation Fandom store, said the new cards drop routinely, about new card drops, excuse me, routinely draw about 100 people or more. With folks camping out for a shot at the shelves, The stakes go far beyond nostalgia.

Rare individual cards at his store have fetched prices as high as $125,000. Minnesota, of course, has seen its own string of card-related crime, from a Forest Lake shop being burglarized twice to an Egan claw machine arcade being hit for $25,000 in high-value cards this summer. Nationwide thefts have tracked right alongside prices, which are up more than 145 percent in the past year. Police are steadily busting these high-stakes Pokemon card thieves, but only time will tell if they can catch them all.

You had to. That's perfect. It's perfect. In other collectibles news, today, National Comic Book Day. I never had comic books growing up. Anybody here? Did you have a Kiss comic book, Nick? Oh, no.

I never got my hands on the Kiss comic book. That was a serious collectors type thing. Was that a one-off or did they have like a whole series? Well, eventually in the 90s, you know, someone started barfing out these silly Kiss comic books. But the original one from 1976 where the band got together and there's video of this. The band got together and all drew blood, you know, a doctor, a doctor sucks some blood out of their arms. And they used the blood of Paul Jean, Paul, Ace, and Peter. They used the blood in the ink.

of the original Kiss comic When you went Oh Ashley I thought you were grossed Grossed out excuse me But then you turned it into so cool So cool I was saying oh like I remember you talking about this I always thought like that is so

That's really sweet I don't know That's so unique It was a unique idea I mean But no I was never a comic book guy either I read comic books I read Calvin and Hobbs

Comic Books Actually helped me name my son I'm gonna say that explains a lot I think my folks tried. They bought my brother and I a few comic books when we were kids. It just always bored the piss out of me. I never got involved.

Did you guys read the Sunday paper comics? Yeah. Oh, those are comics? Yeah, those are fun. Oh, I used to love doing that. Yeah, I had a couple of favorites. Most of it I thought was garbage, but I had a couple of favorites.

There's new music today from some big names and rock. Like who? Well, including Lincoln, Park, Tom Morello. And God has provided us with the release from the religious metal band Striper. Oh yeah, I heard they had a new record coming out. They do. First Lincoln Park. They're out with a live album called Unshatter, live in Sao Paulo, recorded in November 2024 and serving as the soundtrack to the band's companion documentary film of the same name. It's their first live album to feature new singer Emily Armstrong. Tom Morello is stepping out with what's being called his first true solo album.

everyone gets everything they want. The former Rage Against the Machine and audio slave guitarist added guest appearances from Beartooth, Surge, Tankian of System of a Down, and he visited his own son, Roman. For the first time in nine years and their 12th overall Swedish rockers, Europe, have a new album out today called Come This Madness.

And thanks be to God, Striper is released, Throne of Thorns, the Yellow and Black Attack's fifth album of the decade. Sweet can still sing, can't he? He can. When you tour with Boston, you've got to be able to sing. Yes, that's true because there's going to be some comparisons after. No, no, not with Boston.

I should have been more clear. When you are lead singing, you know, Michael Sweet took a turn singing with Boston. No. Yeah. Yeah, that was a number of years ago. If you're going to try to sing more than a feeling and whatnot, you better be able to sing. So he's still got the chops. guitarist Oz Fox had to sit this one out while dealing with some medical issues so frontman

Michael Sweet handled all the guitar work himself it's it's kind of interesting what happened because when I read that that I didn't know this until putting this together yesterday that he didn't play and I thought oh no you know he had cancer in the past and that's too bad but it wasn't that he stopped taking his blood pressure medication so since he quit like his blood pressure was so bad during the recording phase and they had to time this out. Why did he do that? I don't know. It didn't say why. I had no multiple people in my life who are supposed to take blood pressure medication and they'll be like, yeah, I stopped taking it. It was kind of giving me a headache. What are you doing? Stop. Yeah, it didn't say why he stopped, but it was to the point where they said you can't play

guitar. You're so messed up. Is it true that they're touring with King Diamond and they're calling it the Heaven and Hell tour or something? Is that true or is that a BS story? Oh, I haven't heard that. Someone texted me about that a few days. Oh no, I think it is a real thing. F me running. King Diamond. Someone brought them up when we were at the Iron Maiden show the other night, Josh, and I was hanging out with some old high school buddies. Of course, we're talking

about old metal. We're talking about armored saint and merciful fate and all these old metal bands. And, of course, Merciful Fate featured King Diamond. And again, I had to admit, I'm 55 years old and I'm still absolutely terrified of King Diamond. Oh, he frightens me.

You know how it goes. If it's like, when a kid if you're frightened by something, it kind of sticks with you. So I think they are touring together. That's funny. It's called the Heaven and Hell Tour. That's what somebody... Every Friday, you can find even more new music in the notable new releases post on 93x.com, thanks to our pal Bill. We talk about metal church, Josh.

Well, it's weird you bring up art... I guess it's not that weird. Or skip the reading and let Spotify do the work. You can follow the 93x playlist there. 6-5-1-5-1-9-933. There's some new stuff hitting theaters in streaming this week, from Brad Pitt fighting for survival in Alaska to Robert Pattinson taking on one of the most recognizable faces in reality TV. In theaters, Brad Pitt and J.K. Simmons star in Heart of the Beast.

After a harrowing plane crash, a special forces officer and his combat dog are stranded deep in the Alaska wilderness, where they're forced into a brutal fight for survival against the elements. The dog dies. Oh, he does? I'm kidding, I have no idea. I thought maybe you looked up the website. I have no idea. I'm joking.

What's that called Does the Dog Die.com? Or something similar to that? I believe so, yes. Also in theaters, prime time with Robert Pattinson playing to catch a predator host Chris Hansen, who made television history in 2006 busting sickos. The real Chris Hansen is not happy with this movie. No, what? So much so that he's bought billboards next to theaters that were premiering it,

saying exactly that. Oh, what does he say, like, what his problem is with it? I think, well, okay, I read just one article saying that he just thought he was portrayed in a different way than he should have been, and the show was portrayed in a different way than it should have been. I'm really excited to watch it, though. I have a feeling I'm just going to be like yelling at the TV the whole time. It's the life and times of Chris Hanson? It's about the show. Oh, about the show.

Yeah. Oh, I like that show. Yeah, it was disgusting, but fascinating. and on Netflix Unabomber, following Ted Kaczynski's path from Harvard Prodigy and test subject to the bearded nut job known as the Unabomber. A domestic terrorist who terrorized the United States for nearly 20 years before the FBI hunted him down. The dog dies. Is there a dog in this too? Also on Netflix today.

The streaming premiere of Backroom is about a dog that dies unnecessarily. A sci-fi psychological horror film where a man tries to get his therapist to believe him after he discovers a secret world hidden within his store. By the way, Josh, yes. Medical device Jesus has texted in to tell us that Chris Hansen went to Michigan State. Did he really? That's funny. He knows this. He's a big Michigan State nerd.

And true fact, the Unabomber went to Michigan. How does he know all this? He just knows things. He loves his school. And he says his dog just died. Oh, no. Geez, I wish it would have known. I should probably make a movie about it.

On Stars, the series premiere of the SWAT spin-off SWAT exiles, where their only job is to kill dogs and movies. Shamar Moore returns as Hondo. Pold out of... Hondo. I know a guy named Hondo. Do you really? Yeah.

Is it a nickname? Yeah. Can you say... Is it like a... Last name is Han. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's pretty cool.

He's a cool guy. You've met him before. Hondo. Yeah. Was I introduced to him as Hondo? I believe so? I remember that. Yeah, yeah, he listens to the program once in a while.

What up, Hondo. Shamar Moore returns as Hondo, pulled out of forced retirement to build a new unit from the department's outcasts. Tomorrow on Netflix, the streaming premiere of the breadwinner, starring comedian Nate Bergetzi, the comedian plays a salesman who agrees... Not funny. Oh, you've seen it? I'm kidding. I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't stop interrupting.

I like him quite a bit. And I spit things that aren't true at all. I've never seen the guy. I saw one of his comedy specials, and I get it. I get why people like him so much. He agrees to be a stay-at-home dad after his wife lands a huge deal on Shark Tank. Meanwhile, television is bringing back some familiar faces this weekend with new episodes of Saturday Night Live and its 52nd season. The Simpsons entering season 38 plus returning seasons of Grimsburg, Animal Control, and United Basic Guys.

This week's SNL host is NBA Finals, MVP, Nixguard, Jalen, Brunson. Oh, that's fun. Let's see. Skippy, Skippy, Skippy. Happy birthday to Shroom Groomer Jesus from Mikey and Mikey's mom, Jesus. And Freckles shouldn't smudge Jesus. Text a happy anniversary shout out to his smoking hot wife, Jenny.

And that's 93X News. The Minnesota Vikings interview. Personal file, 69, offense. He was giving them to business. Touchdown! On the half-assed morning show. Randy Shaver. Good morning.

What's your deal? I don't know. What is my deal? Yeah. What do you got going on? I have nothing going on. I was going to ask you if you're pumped for the weekend, but it doesn't really matter to you anymore, does it?

It doesn't because every day is a weekend day for me. Lucky bastard. Nice to have you on, Randy Shaver. Thank you. Also, waiting on the telephone line is a big, tall, handsome, some bitch, bald-headed. cut and he can snap a football out his ass with more accuracy and velocity than a lot of us can put together with a traditional overhand throw Andrew D. Potla, how are you, Andrew?

Man, good morning. For a minute, I thought you were looking in a mirror until you said, snap it out of his ass. Yeah. Probably me. We do have the handsome and bald-headed in common. Yes, we do. But it's true, you know, I was watching the ball game.

last Sunday and you can snap a football upside down and backwards better than a lot of us with more again what were the words I used again Josh accuracy and velocity than a lot of us can do with an overhand delivered impressive have they ever put a speed gun on your long snap see how fast they travel yeah how fast does it go uh no I've never done that actually they usually just time it with like a stopwatch to see how fast it gets from you know you to the punter your butt to the punter's hand What's the goal? What's the goal? Fast as possible and as accurate as possible. No, actually, not as fast as possible.

I think that's a common misconception is like you want to snap faster. Faster is better, but not slow. There's a sweet spot. It's like 0.70 to 0.72, maybe 0.74. So at that speed, you can keep it very accurate. And it's like quick enough to get back there in enough time, but it's slow enough to where if the punter needs to speed up his handle, he can. but if you're snapping like the point sixes,

you're zipping that thing back there and the punter's actually taking more time to catch the ball to make sure he's got it secured and then go. So it's actually a little bit slower of an operation. So it's less than a second. We know that. Oh, yep. Okay.

So can I ask a question? Oh, we'd love that, Randy Schaeber. Normally you just kind of sit there and giggle, so yeah. Andrew, we were talking after the Bears game early this week. about it felt like the long snapper for Chicago on those field goal attempts that the ball was slower to get to the holder. The Vikings almost blocked one. Then they blocked a very important one.

Did you watch that? I mean, can you tell if a guy is not getting it, snapping the ball the way that he should? Were we seeing things? Or was the snap slower than normal? Were you watching? Do you have any idea that you see the video or anything of the bears on special teams with their field goals? I watched it after the game. He's a rookie. They're snapper. So I talked to him after the game, and he was kind of asking me some questions. So I knew something was amiss. But when I watched the film, yeah, there's things there that you can see from a technique standpoint where I think both of its snaps were pretty high, which causes us. the holder to have to come up from his spot, make sure he's got the ball caught, and then

make sure he's coming down on the right spot. So that takes, you know, precious milliseconds off. And gosh, if you're slower than a one-three in this league, you're going to get the ball blocked. I mean, that's just reality. I saw the same thing that Randy Schaber did, and it wasn't just a snapper. The entire process looked a little slower than what we normally. Even the kicker seemed to approach the kick a little slower than what. So maybe that unit's just not quite tight just yet. Yeah, I mean, I think they'll figure it out. So unfortunately, they did cut that rookie snapper,

and they brought back the snapper that was there past two years. Well, they did. They let him go. Yeah, yeah, they let him go. I think he might be back on practice squad. I'm not sure, but they did release him a day after the game. All right. We've got a couple of questions coming in, Andrew,

on the basics of your occupation. Here's a guy who doesn't know. I guess I have a rough idea, but he wants to know. How many yards is it from your ass cheeks to the punter? Like from my bud or from the ball? The ball. Your ass cheeks.

Normally, I think we do like heels at 14 and a half. 14 and a half yards. Okay. Mm-hmm. Yep. And some of our listeners are doing the arithmetic now on the speed and the distance and this and that. There we go.

Do you vary that depending on maybe weather conditions or things that during the game, do you vary that 14 and a half, depending on what's going on during the game or not? Oh, yeah. Is there a distance rule? Does the punter have to be so far back? Can he be a little closer, further, this, that?

So, yeah, basically it all depends on the punter's steps. So you want the ball to make contact. with the punter's foot at about 10 to 10 and a half yards from where the ball was snapped. So if the punter has a longer approach, he takes bigger steps he'll back up. If he's a

shorter approach guy or like a one step gather guy, he can be closer. But it's all predicated off of where he's punting from, you know, how long his approach takes. It's almost like you guys sit down and practice this stuff. Yeah, no kidding.

Think about it. You guys don't wing it, do you? It's like we actually practice and work on this stuff. I've been to practice. You guys are just kind of sitting around. Usually. Well, now, 651-551-93-93 is our text number. And there are some other questions coming in for you, Depot. Okay, so with your skill set in delivering a football from your hands to,

with teammates' hands. Alistri wants to know, what string quarterback are you? Like if all three quarterbacks, are you on the quarterback roster? He should be. You know, you know what's kind of funny is we actually talk about this in the locker room. Like, hey, what depth chart spot are you for detackle? Like, this is a real question that guys will throw around. I think I'm very low on the QB depth chart.

So, you know, Kyler Murrah goes down and then Carson, there's not a chance of your telephone rings. How can that be, though? You were a stark quarterback in high school. Guys, I'm not trying to give anything away here, but have you ever heard an offensive play call? They're pretty complicated. I couldn't tell you what the first word meant.

Wow. I mean, you could put the green dot, you know, the little thing in my helmet, and I could hear it and repeat it, but I would have no idea what any of it means. I don't know. It worked for Josh Dobbs when he first got here. He didn't know what he was doing. He didn't know the playbook yet. So if I say, if I say Blue 59 Razor, you have no idea what that means?

No, no clue. Neither do I. Do you? No, I don't either. But I hear them say Blue 59. Sometimes they say, what's that Peyton Manning line again? Omaha? Yeah, they say, I don't know what that means.

Depot in the huddle. JJ, I'm throwing it to you. Get open, please. All right, another question for Depot from Speedbump, Jesus. They're on your ass today, Depot. They want to know everything. Nice. Do you think you can snap a football from half-court,

pardon me, full-court basketball and make it go through the hoop? Could you snap a basketball into the... Pardon me, snap a football into the basketball hoop? Oh, yeah, probably. I bet you can. I bet you can. What?

How far? take me a couple tries. I'm assuming you've decided you wanted to see how far you can actually get it. How many yards have you gotten it at your best? I think the most I've ever done accurately was 45 maybe. Oh, my gosh. That's crazy. Wow.

And I did this. This was years ago when I was warming up, and I can remember it distinctly. We were playing in Philly, and sometimes I'll go to 17, 18, 20 yards just to make the actual snap seem. smaller and I was like, I'm just going to keep going and see how far we can get. And I think it was like 40, 45 yards was my accurate one. How far down the depth chart are you for the center

position? Oh. Probably farther than quarterback. Really? I'm like 100 pounds lighter than that guy. Yeah, I was saying maybe your size would be a factor. Yeah, that might be a problem. Here's a guy who texted in to say,

okay, depot's in my backyard. My annoying neighbor was mowing at 7 o'clock. in the morning. Can you hit that pecker head between the eyes with that football? And I'm sure you can. I mean, the answer is probably. Yeah, probably. I don't know how big his backyard is. So this weekend, you boys have to make a trip to Florida.

Gross, right? Right. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers, now, they were the first ball club to give you a shot. So I'm guessing you have fond memories and good feelings about that ball club, huh? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was, you know, great. moment in my life. I was lived there for about five years and played for that team for three seasons. It was cool. Yeah, it was a lot of fun. The internet says that Mon's Venus Gentleman's Club. I heard of it. Might have. Might have heard of it. Driven by it once or twice.

They don't have your picture on the wall or anything? Punch cut. Not mine. Not mine. The Internet says that Mons Venus Gentlemen's Club in Tampa is the number one fully nude strip bar in the world. Now, is that true? Yes. Randy knows. Randy says yes. I don't know. I've heard some

things. I've heard yes and I've heard no. Number one in the world, Josh. That's impressive. Yeah, no kidding. You'd think there be some place in the world is tough. That's a tough stretch. Like Amsterdam or something like that, you'd assume there'd be something even better. one in the world.

We could get a USA chant going if we wanted to right now. I will say I went on my brother-in-law's bachelor party. We went to a place, where were we? I can't remember where we were. Fort Lauderdale, maybe. And this place had a guy playing the violin, and he was shredding on this violin, and I was

all in on this guy. There was like a glass, like clear violin, and he was ripping the thing. And I was like, this is awesome. That is number one in my mind. right there. Clothes, I'm assuming? Yeah, was he naked? No, he was

totally closed, but I was enjoying the performance. Depot. What a character. Goes to the strip club for the violin guy. I love it. Everyone else goes home. Covered in glitter. I'll never forget the ass on that gale Ferrari. Did you guys see the ass on that Ferrari? Of course I did. And Depot says, you see that violin player?

You can see right through the violin. He's a nice. It was cool. We know we've got to let you go in just a minute or two, but this is cute. Okay, so a listener did the arithmetic. Because did we not ask him the velocity of that? You're looking for the speed. Your typical punt snap.

Okay, so they say 14 and a half yards roughly, and you're getting it there in 0.75 seconds. Andrew DePaula, that comes out to 39.5 miles per hour. Yeah, sounds about right. Yeah, cooking. And real quick, before we let you go, I don't know if you saw this silliness. Former NFL kicker, Hall of Famer, Adam Venetary, they stuffed this poor bastard in the Swiss Alps so he could attempt the highest altitude field goal in the history of mankind. If they asked you to make that trip, how quickly would you tell them to go F themselves to be part of such silliness?

Or would you say, yes, put me in the Swiss Alps. I want to snap the... No, I probably wouldn't even pick up. Send it to voicemail. Good right here. Don't even answer the effing phone. That's the right. That's the correct response.

Hey man, good luck Sunday in Florida. Say hello to all your friends down there and swing by Mons Beezus and get back to it. Awesome. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it. All right, Pimp. There goes Andrew DePaula.

Our conversation with Andrew D. Paola, by the way, is brought to you by Luther Kia of Bloomington. There you go. Welcome to the show. Brad Ryder? Not quite yet. Not quite. Holler at us. Let us know when Brad is in the mix. We still got Randy Schaber

dialed in. Okay, a few people have texted in to say that yes, Monge Venus is the greatest strip bar in the entire world. But there's another guy here, Cubby, who texted in who said, he didn't name the joint, but he said there's a

boom boom room in Dallas, Texas. And it's Randy, just the way you you like it. It's full nude. And he says it's also, bring your own bottle, and the bar is owned by anthrax. Are you serious? Yeah. I mean, I thought the boys in Pantera had steak in a strip joint.

Yeah, at least like Vinnie Paul. Yeah, this guy says the bar is owned by the thrash metal band Anthrax. It's a strip bar? That's what they're saying. Okay, let me look that up. Yeah. It's probably got a cool name. Dana, give us the grand introduction.

We got Brad Ryder on the phone, ladies and gentlemen. Hello, Brad. Maybe we don't. I'm just messing with you. You can't do that around here because nothing ever works. Brad. Yeah. Welcome to the show.

Greatest strip joint you've ever been to. Oh, my gosh. Why did I call? We've been talking about Mons Beezus a little bit. You know, the late Denny Green used to like to go there with his friend, Sally. We talked about a joint in Dallas. Oh, okay. Josh, save your research. I see you over there typing.

The listener who said the greatest strip joint he's ever been to in Dallas is fully nude, B-U-Y-O-B and own that by anthrax. He said that was a mistake. Sorry, he says it's owned by Pantera. Oh, okay, yeah. So he just made a mistake. I knew the Paul Brothers, I think, had that. Greatest strip bar you ever been to, Bradrider?

I haven't fallen issues again. Are you joking? Yeah. Unbelievable. I'm trying to think what my answer would be, because I loved them all. Do you like kind of the fancier ones or the ones that you feel like your life is in danger? I like them all.

Yeah, it's like any drinker, like any bar lover. It's always more fun to go to just the garbage pile roadhouse, right? They put some wood on the pool table and they just do it. dance on that? You know, they don't even have a real stage? Yeah, Josh, I think deep down the grittier, the more dangerous, the better. I can understand. Yeah.

No, I will say this. Oh, he grew some balls. Made sure his wife wasn't listening. I'm not, I have not, obviously, been in this place. But I drove, when I go home, I go home in Clear City, a lot of times I'll drive on Highway 7 through Hutchinson. There was a time, I'd say maybe 10, 15 years ago that there used to be, a place like that in Cosmos, Minnesota.

And I always wonder, I'm like, what does that place look like on the inside? That sounds familiar. Cosmos. Yeah, it's a town of like a thousand people. And where is this? West on seven? Yeah, it's between Hutchinson and... I'm going to guarantee it wasn't a full nude bar.

There's no way. Well, you would know. Why are you guaranteeing that, Randy Shade? Well, not in Minnesota. Well, King of Diamonds. That's the only one, right? I think that... I always hear there.

only one that was grandfathered in with this. That's what I hear you. It was right on Highway 7 as you drove through town, like right in the middle of town, and I just always was like, who goes there? Like, yeah, yeah, I couldn't figure that out. Regular people go there. Okay, people are texting in. Phipps and Hayward,

yes, I've been there. Saratoga, Duluth, yes. Fat Jacks, yes, Bach, Minnesota. Somebody mentioned Metlers, and it reminds me of when we tried to go there and how distraught you were, It was closed.

Yeah. We just sat outside the front door. Misty Pines, Wisconsin, absolutely gladiator and Bewabic. Yes, I've hit all of these that our listeners are texting in about. Oh, yeah, we had to go to Mancato. And God, I hated it. Oh, I hated it so much. I hated having to go to Mancato for stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid Vikings training camp.

All I ever wanted to do, of course, was just get as drunk. as possible, you know, sleep in, miss half the show. I hate... I get all those in-depth interviews. I hated every single second of it, but there was one shining light, and that was Cubby and I are going to go to spend every dime we have at Metlers. So we go racing down to Mancato and Josh's little Honda Civic. And I'm already sorting out my ones.

I'm putting them on the dash and whatnot and get... I mean, we ran into our hotel room, threw our bags on the bed, and ran right back down the stairs, and we ran to the front door of Mettlers, and I said, it's going to be the best, Cubby, time of our lives. Are you ready? And he said, well, maybe, I don't know, because he's Catholic. And we pulled on the front doors, and they were locked. Closed. Am I romanticizing this, or did we legitimately sit with our backs to the door?

I sat down. Yeah, okay, we did. Got a beer from the car and poured it out a little bit for a tribute. Then we went to some regular bar, and I'll tell you what, the girls weren't nearly as friendly at that place. They weren't nearly as friendly at some regular bar. That was devastating. I'll never forget the look on your face. It was a mix of confusion.

It's all I wanted. Yeah, I know. You were super pumped. And the next day we interviewed Robert Smith. You know, God. Just choke me unconscious. Well, we've got... Who were some of the other idiots we talk to down there from the Vikings?

I'm not going to call them in... God, I hate the Vikings. Randy Maugh? At least you got a starter. At least you got a good player if you interviewed Robert Smith. Shut up, Brad. The second string tight end or something. How about this?

I did that for 28 years. How did you do it? How did you keep from cracking? 28 years going to Man King. Did you like it at all? Did you ever cry? Did you cry the entire drive down there? I hated it.

What did you hate about it? Same reason we hated it. Players were dicks. I wonder if that had something to do. No, the players weren't always that way, but it was just a lot of standing around, you know, at least in the early days when Bud was coaching and Jerry and Steckle, you could shoot actual. video of the practice. You could actually cover the practice. So at least you had that. By the time Denny got here and they started, they started saying you could only shoot video of the first

30 minutes of practice or whatever. Then you end up standing around for the next two hours, waiting for it to be over. It just was such a pain in the butt. And football practice is so boring. And because it's the Vikings, all the media go. I mean, they have to go. And because in those same years, when I was with the Timberwolves, we had training camp from Mancato at the Taylor Center, and not a single media person would come down. When Josh and I noticed that the doors were locked at Metlers,

we got back in that Honda Civic, we drove to Eveleth, went to Tunas. It was a hell of a drive. We went up to Evilith. We checked in at Tunis for a couple hours. Hey, the National Football League went ahead and find a player. San Francisco 49ers fullback Kyle Juschuk. Jusuk. Jusa Zizik. The NFL fined Kyle Jusa Zizik.

$15,000 were pretending to chug a beer during a touchdown celebration in last Sunday's game against the Miami Dolphins. The NFL, the NFL told him, your imitation of chugging a beer constituted in an offensive demonstration and could reasonably be construed as being in poor taste, is what they told them. Juice Cizek said,

ain't that a bitch, I don't even drink beer. He said. And then after the touchdown, they cut away to a commercial for a Budweiser ad. Yeah, right? Exactly. Right. He said his cute little chugging routine is in the

reference to his nickname, which is Juice. That nickname has a terrible track record in the National Football League. Yes, it does. In life in general. He's trying to take it back. He's chugging something. What is

this now? Yes, Randy. You're upset by this. You see so many different things that guys do that I think are borderline stuff too. I don't know. I just don't think that's that big deal, honestly.

Oh, no, nobody thinks it's a big deal, except for the national football. Yeah. Because they're a bunch of dorks. Like Brad said, it's just kind of ridiculous when you do those kind of things. And then the first commercial you see is a beer commercial. It just doesn't make sense. What is this now? The Dallas Cowboys are playing the Los Angeles Rams this weekend in Brazil.

Didn't the Rams just make a trip to Mongolia or something? Australia? Australia? Oh, no, sorry. It's the Ravens, not the Rams. They're playing the Cowboys in Brazil. The Baltimore Ravens are playing the Cowboys in Brazil. Oh, that's got to be fun.

I'll bet they're having a blast doing that. Jesus, God. What is going on with the NFL? They're idiots. For the Cowboys, it says here now. For the Cowboys, they'll be the first team in NFL history to fly at least 5,000 miles for a game and then not get a bye the following week.

Oh, man. The Ravens are only going 4,781 miles. Oh, that's doable. That's brutal. They're also not getting a buy. Well, I say F these guys in their buy weeks. They should play every week. But it is a little ridiculous.

That is very ridiculous. That they're always going to. Where did they go again? Australia. Mongolia. Now they're in, what did I say? Brazil. Yeah, Rio de Janeiro.

The Golden Gopher Football Club is lined up to play that ridiculous road. tomorrow night with a 10 p.m. local start time playing at the University of Washington Huskies. What a shame. I'd love to say I'm going to watch, but I'm not. You know what? I'm going to try. I'm going to try. It's fan appreciation weekend at Target Field, the final final for the season. Big series, too, for Texas. Monster. As we discussed yesterday, the twins can be dicks about this. Oh, they can. And ruin the Texas Rangers season by beating them up this weekend. are fighting for a playoff spot.

Right. So yeah, F them, let's be dead. And here's the thing. They're tied with the Astros for the lead in the American League West, and the Astros open a series against the athletics. So the Astros clearly have the advantage here against an opponent. So if the twins show up this weekend, they definitely can ruin things. Let's see if one of those teams can get to 500 this weekend.

I know. I said this the other. day, Brad. It's amazing that a team can, it will win a division and maybe not be 500. It's just crazy. I'm okay with that. Yeah. That's all right.

Every once in a while, you know, you sneak in the playoff and yeah. And I saw the stat. The White Sox made the playoffs yesterday. They after three years in which they've

lost, I don't know if this numbers absolutely correct, but like 343 losses in the last three years. Right. That's insane. They're the first ball club since the dawn of time to make the playoff after consecutive 100 lost seasons. And they could still win the division. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's incredible. The White Sox began yesterday one game behind the Cleveland Guardians. I don't know how the Guardians did last night, but they're very close. Still game back. One game back. Chicago has three games left at home. against Colorado. The Guardians are playing in Kansas City.

Yeah. It's about an even split there. Those are too bad things. Probably not going to get Colorado's best effort. No, yeah. And you guys know what they say about August in Kansas City. Oh, man. This is only the fourth time that both

Chicago ball clubs will be in the playoff together. The Cubs clinched yesterday too. Wouldn't that be something? What is your favorite American expression? August in Kansas City, it's harder than two rats in a fucking wolf sock. So you're saying, wouldn't that be something if the White Sox and the Cubs met in the world too? Yes. Wouldn't that be awesome?

That would be something. I would have to go against everything I believe in and everything that I was taught. And I'd have to go ahead and root for the Chicago White Sox. Because, ooh, I hate the Cubs. Yeah. Yeah. I just think that matchup would just be so much fun. Well, of course it would.

Wouldn't be enough beer in Chicago. They're going to have to drive it in from Milwaukee. Yeah, crazy. Come on Cork Day. Speaking of the Chicago Cubs, their center fielder, Peter Crow Armstrong, became the seventh player in big league history yesterday to join the 40-40 Club. Hey, the 40 Club, Aiken, Minnesota, not a strip bar, just a regular bar restaurant with a hotel. Anyway, Pete Crowe Armstrong.

seventh player in big league history to join the 40-40 club. He stole his 40th base of the season yesterday against a Miami-Marland. He's got 45 home runs to go along with 40 stolen bases. He's a great player. The only other swinging Ds to hit 40 dongs and steal 40 bases in Major League Baseball history are... Well, Barry Bonds has to be on there. Barry Bonds did it in 19 and 96. I would say Ronald Acuna.

I know he did it not too long ago for Atlanta. Junior did it for the Braves in 20 and 23. And so did Show High actually have an injury-free season and do it? No. No. Show-high did it a couple of years ago. Yes, degenerate gambler, Sho High Otani, 20 and 24. One of them you might run into...

A-Rod. A-Rod. That's right, current Timberwolves owner, Alex Rodriguez. But only... Yeah, I was going to say he was really young then. So was I. So was I. 19 and 98.

God, who else would be on that list? You're only missing one. Oh, and he has a... No, I'm missing two. Did you say there was... One, two, three, four. I thought you said there was eight... Oh.

We're only missing one. Okay. I'll give you a hint. Also, a local connection. More specifically connected to this here radio show. Oh, Jose Conceco. Jose Canseco. Jose Canseco.

Did the 40-40 gimmick in 1980, and of course, the connection to this show is at a couple. Janelle? Two or three times, he dated our friend Janelle Klein. The link start the playoff on Sunday. Okay. Taking on the New York Liberties. We discussed that a little bit yesterday.

We'll be following that. Yeah. How about the Packers last night? Oh, I... Geez. I forgot. I didn't see... What?

What's the problem? Oh, my. They got run at home by Atlanta. They got throttled last night. Oh, my God. By who? Atlanta. They got run over by Bijan.

And then Drake London killed him. Michael Pennix made a great return to the starting lineup last night. Okay. I wonder, you know, I know it's three games in, long way to go. But man, what a mess in Green Bay right now. Yeah, I've seen a lot of videos of fans being like, hey, like this is the worst I've ever seen them, like crying in their bed. I think that was, I think they thought. That wasn't their bed, Ashley.

I think they thought last night's game against Atlanta was their get well game, the game to get them back on track. And instead, they just got throttled. Well, that's too bad. I'm heartbroken to hear that. It sounds like it. By the way, I missed a player in that 40-40 club. I did. I missed one.

I thought you said seven. Yeah, I got, it's the liquor. Alfonso Soriano. Oh. 2000. He's a really good player. The Packers lost, okay. Yeah.

And then you know who checked out? Bob Pettett. I saw that. The winner? 90-some years old. 93 years old. Wow. The winner of the NBA's very first MVP award in 1956.

That's great. Wow. St. Louis Hawks. Yeah. Won him a championship there in 58. I mean, this guy, Bob Petit, 6'9, in a lot of basketball communities. I have no idea what I'm saying. A lot of basketball people consider Bob Petit, one of the first great big men.

Yes. And I like the way this is put right here. It says, I have this here somewhere. At 6.9, 205 pounds in a deeply receding hairline. Bob Pettit was a presence at Power Forward. He also played some center. And they say he was a presence at Power Forward before such a position even became part of basketball's vocabulary. He almost never missed a game.

Went into the Hall of Fame in 1970. And to put this in perspective, When Bob Pettettett was a player with the St. Louis Hawks, he played against Will Chamberlain, Bill Russell, Oscar Robertson, and Elgin Baylor, and still won the MVP twice. Think about that. That's insanity. Yeah.

And actually, you know, back in those days, 6-9 really was, I mean, Will Chamberlain was a freak at 7 foot, 7-1. I mean, the normal centers were like, six foot nine, six foot ten. It was kind of like the old Washington Bullets Center that we talked. Unselt. Kind of like that size of a guy. Yeah, he was a big dude. Yeah.

What the heck has happened? I mean, is there the weird hormones and milk? Or what's going on? Did they just like, did these people, they just couldn't find the people that are like seven, five playing basketball now? Good question. The tall people in the 50s. why weren't they handed a basketball?

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. So Bob Pettettett is gone at 93 years. I think that it's so fascinating to me that he's the first ever MVP. That's an attention. Like Jackie Gleason said in Smoking the Bandit, that's an attention, grabber.

Yeah. Yeah. And it says here, towards the end of his life, he went to college at LSU. He was a regular at LSU and New Orleans Pelicans games. and he was just as terrified as the rest of us of that giant Pelicans baby that we talked about a couple weeks ago. Now, this is cute.

Fight promoters, they still know how to create a good gimmick. And we're talking here about the UFC. And then we've got to get going. The UFC. A Florida cop is making his UFC debut, I believe, this weekend. Dude's name is Luis Hernandez. he's what they call here a Miami-Dade sheriff's deputy. Boy, I bet that gig sucks.

God. Pretty busy. Oh, I bet that gig blows. Owen is just ringing all night long. Luis Hernandez, a cop in Florida, making his UFC debut. And here's where, well, I'll tell you in a minute, the twist. Well, I guess this is the twist. This shows you that promoters who put this fight on, they know how to draw us in.

Hernandez will be first off, you should know, that he's fighting a kid with the last name, D-U-M-A-S. It's spelled D-U-M-A-S. Is that dumbass? Dumas, I've heard. Dumas? Dumas, I've heard. But dumbass is good. Way better. The kid goes by the name of Sidreke Dumas. Okay. That's who Hernandez is fighting. Dumbass has been arrested 14 times in the last 12 years. If any one of us had the last name, dumbass, we turn to a life of crime as well.

Probably. But you see what they did there, Cubby? Yeah, that's awesome. They took the floor at a cop and said, well, who can we put this schmuck up against? How about the dude's been arrested 14 times? Fine, it'll be Hernandez versus dumbass, the cop versus the criminal. That's cute. That is intriguing.

It sounds like a WWE story. It does. Right. Yeah. And if you look at his track record, dumbass is a real cutie pie. home invasion robbery, battery, possession of a weapon or ammo by a convicted felon, drug possession. This guy's a winner in life.

I was thinking they were going to be not as serious charges. Those are some real deal offensive. No. Well, and you'd think maybe it's something where he turned his life around. This is all before he was 18, but the last charge was last year. Oh, so he hasn't done this year's charge yet. No, he's not done with his life of crime, man. I wonder what he's going to do this year.

And the UFC said, here's a pair of gloves. You're in. We're putting you on the roster. And the kid said, me, dumbass? You're putting me on the roster. And they said, yeah, we got a cop coming up too. They're going to be fun on a Saturday night to put you up. Oh, okay, I'll do it.

I just got to break into this house and smoke some rock, and I'll be there by 7 p.m. So there you go. Randy and what's the other guy's name? That's Brad. Randy and Brown. You guys have a great weekend, okay? All right. Thank you.

Have some fun, relax, a couple of drinks, this and that. Hey, the cops are coming. In just a handful of minutes, our cop pals will be here. They're coming in from the Minnesota State Patrol. You've probably heard them before. We'll chat with the pimp, Mikey Lee. We'll chat with Gordon Shank. And they're also bringing in a friend.

You've got a question for the cops. We're at 651, 551, 593.93. How come it's illegal to do this? Can I take a left on it? that kind of stuff. If you got a question for the cops, feel free to send it our way. We'll jaw jack with them next on the program.

The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart.

Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you.

It's football season. On Polly Market, trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode W-W-C-F-B. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated.

Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as non-withdrawable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Minnesota State Trooper Gordon Shank. I called you to report a crime that I don't have nothing to do with. I'm not involved in the crime.

I didn't perpetrate the crime. On the 93X-Hast Morning Show. All right, everybody, straighten up and act like a damned adult. cops are here from the mighty Minnesota State Patrol we have two familiar faces Gordon Schenkenstein what's up Gordo what's going on how you doing?

You know who else is here Josh? Who that? The pimp I see the pimp Yeah Mikey Lee you almost broke our front door with his muscles he opened that thing and slammed I mean that's made out of glass The dude is yoked yeah he's yoked He's yoked I tried I was telling Josh I Just been training all week for that

Not my back hurts Gordon or Mikey Would you like to introduce your friend? Go ahead, Mike. Thank you, Major. You're sitting next to her. You might as well. We have another guest in studio from the patrol.

Yes. With a smile on my face. Yeah, this is Lieutenant Jen Creer. She's our PIO, and she does a phenomenal job, and she's going to take over for me. How come you guys keep in fire? Welcome to the show, Jen. Yeah, welcome, Jen. PIO stands for?

Public information officer. Public information officer. Shank, did that job. and he gets fired. Yes. You did that job, you get fired. Yes. We're bad for you guys.

Yes. We keep getting you fired or something. Nice to have you here. How long you've been in the business? Ten years. Tell us your wildest story from the road. Oh, gosh. All with the patrol?

Oh, yeah. Ten years with the State Patrol? Correct. Yeah. I actually listened to your guys' morning show and found out about the State Patrol. That's how I got in here. Are you serious?

That's awesome. Do some good around here. By the way, Jen, I know this is your first time. Get right up on that microphone. Really, you took an interest in the job from hearing the nonsense on this program. That's correct. Who was our guest at the time? Do you remember?

I can't remember, but I think it might have been either Captain Roski or Colonel Matt Langer. Langer or Roski. A couple of great guys. We called them Roski P. Coltrane, an old reference to the Dukes of Hazard. Yeah, good guys. No kidding. So you heard about it. and you took a chance.

That's correct, yeah. I had all the student loan debt. I might as well try to use that degree. So I heard about the State Patrol and the program at their Lido program and applied. And here I am 10 years later. That's awesome. Yeah. Doesn't that make you feel good, Gordo?

And Mikey? Because you guys have been telling us about the Lido program up and down and over and over again. Yeah, we keep telling you about it and you don't sign up for it. I know. Must be walking. Yeah, right. Could you see any of us as a state patrol? Well, Josh would have made a great cop. Oh, yeah. Josh would probably be the only exception, yeah.

Josh would have made a great police officer, law enforcement, whatever you want to call it. I don't care what role you would have played, you would have been excellent at it. I think Mikey tries to draw me in just so he can kick my ass on the boot camp field or whatever you guys do up there. I do what I can. But Josh would have made a good cop. I've heard that that's pretty brutal. The training you guys go through, like it's, they really come after you. Was there anything during the training, Jen, that made you want to say, okay, I'm out of here.

I quit. Oh, the whole time. Yeah. I love the honesty. But I didn't, you know, I don't like to quit things, so I finished it out, and I'm glad I stuck it out. Oh, we're glad, too. Well, that's great. How much better is it with Langer not in charge of things anymore?

Was that a big relief? You guys throw a big party? I'll let the major answer that one. I'm so happy to be here all the time. It's major? You know what? We have great leadership now, and Colonel Langer was a great leader as well. So we're blessed to have great leaders in our agency. God, you're winking a lot.

Because he's a leader in this agency, so. Oh, so he's just complimenting himself. Well, I'll tell you what, Jen, if you've been listening a long time, you might have heard the old joke where we get window tint questions like crazy. Unbelievable. Anytime we have the troopers come in, and we are getting some today. I want to cut the power in the building. sometimes I get so tired of the window tint questions.

But I'll tell you, I mean, it seems a little more appropriate because I would imagine it appears five out of ten cars you see now are probably running around with illegal tent. And so first time Jesus said they have a freshly 16-year-old driver. And their son is convinced he's not going to get pulled over for illegal tint. Is he an idiot or is there some truth behind his? invincible reasoning? Well, you can get pulled over for a tent, and it's got to be at 50% light transmittance.

So if it is too dark, he can get pulled over for it. He's not invincible. No, he's not invincible. You should go find him and pull him over for his parents. Just to prove mom and dad, right? And if he's 16, he very likely is an idiot in general. Well, and I'll tell you, if he's on the freeway with that tent, there's a good chance a trooper is going to stop him.

It's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like that most people say trooper will pull you over. Correct. Very possible. You're going to get in trouble for that. I mean, it's everywhere, like you said, Josh. Oh, yeah.

What is this now? Oh, yeah, bicycles, scooters, et cetera. We were just talking about the electric scooters and whatnot a few days ago and how no one's really sure what the rules are on those damn things yet. Is that correct? The question goes like this. Do people riding their bicycles and electric scooters, do they have to obey all traffic laws just like we drivers do?

I hope not because I like to ride my electric bicycle, and I don't like to play by the friggin' rules. So go ahead with that one. Bicycles, electric scooters, do they have to obey all traffic laws like the rest of us? Jen? Yeah, I would say so. I mean, I'm not super versed on the electric scooter stuff. It's all brand new.

Honestly, they don't get to go on the highway, so we don't have a ton of interaction with them. Yeah. Well, that one group made it on to the freeway, didn't they? What was that gimmick? Yeah, a couple times. The Lyme scooter takeover. Yeah.

It must have been a throw ride for everybody. Yeah, would you guys have arrested these people on these little scooters? That's got to be so... Don't act like you weren't there, Nick. Nobody called me. I would have been there. I wasn't on Facebook or Instagram that day or else. I would have been there with that crowd.

You pull a kid over on a scooter. What, I wasn't speeding. I was going under the speed limit. I'm fine. I don't know. Would it look funny if a 55-year-old man would have been racing around with those kids? Probably, yes. Yeah, worry some.

If you're at a stoplight and you have the flashing yellow to turn left, right? So you yield anybody coming your way. Somebody wants to know, do you have to stop, like, at a crosswalk, Can you kind of inch your way into the lane to turn when it's safe? Oh, dude, I've always wondered that. Well, I say you have to stay back behind the crosswalk. The pimp disagreed with me. I didn't disagree.

Wow. What's that like? I've never disagreed with the pimp. Never once. Yeah, no, you don't want to block the crosswalk. Obviously, people might be trying to get through. So I know it's very tempting to try and creep in the intersection and get a head start. But just be patient, wait your turn, and understand that that flashing yellow is for you to yield to the,

to the oncoming traffic. Oh, whoops? Yeah. I totally thought you could, like, go out into the real, whoops. You know, it's really awkward is when you're watching you. What's really awkward is when you're sitting there and then the light changes and then you're just stuck in the middle. Yes, definitely.

Dude. Everyone's like, come on, man. And then all of a sudden. You don't want to be that guy or gal. And then out of nowhere, here comes a child trying to cross the street. And then you're a terrible person. And everyone's judging you. Yep.

By the way, back to window tent here's a listener who texted in. to say he received seven window tint tickets in one year. Wow. Give it up, dude. Maybe give it up. I don't know. No. Is that, keep it.

How big of a ticket is that? Do you guys have any idea? I mean, is there like a receipt you hand them? No, the fines vary. Depends what city and what county are in. There's court fees and filing fees and all that stuff. But I think the citation itself is probably less than $100. Oh, I imagine by the seventh one, maybe they're like, all right, we're going to charge you a little bit more here.

You're not getting that, dude. Just speaking of tickets in general, Josh, does that top your record? What's the most amount of tickets? Because you used to get a lot of speeding tickets. What's the most amount you had in a year? Oh, good question. More than seven? Probably around that.

Damn. Maybe a little more. I mean, one time I got three tickets and one stop. I got out of all three. But because it was ridiculous. You know, I'm not just like a lawbreaker saying that it was, to the point where the judge yelled at the officer. It was kind of crazy what happened.

What, like speeding, reckless driving, and? I got a speeding going 31 and a 30. That's tough. Now, keep in mind, I was pulled over because the officer said I rolled through a stop sign, so they were like a T intersection. And so I was going 31 and a 30, yet rolled through a stop sign. The one thing I didn't have was my license on me. I forgot it.

I forgot it at my house. I was a block away. They wouldn't let me go get it. But because the judge was looking at it like, how is this possible? I don't understand. Is he going 31-30? And how the heck do you know he's going one over? Because they didn't have a radar. She just said we're trained.

The officer said we're trained for that. There you go. So I got out of that. But yeah, probably in the neck of the woods, 7 to 8 in one year. It's impressive. We're jaw jacking with Mikey Lee and Gordon Shank and our new friend Jen here from the Minnesota State Patrol. 651-551-933. If you have a question, this one I think is pretty obvious.

Oh, God, my text machine went sideways and it disappeared. but I remember it. Dude basically is asking if he takes his kids to a ballgame or a concert and one of those kids has a permit, dad has a few too many Steve Weisers. Can the kid legally drive dad home? I almost got arrested for this when I was a younger person. I wouldn't say like, you know, completely wasted by any means.

You still have that responsibility to watch what your child is doing and, you know, teach them. right ways when they're driving. Because you're the licensed driver, so you have to, yeah. Yeah, so you don't want to be, you know, snoozing in the passenger seat. Yeah. Dad's in the back seat. I always heard that you had to be, uh, calling your ex-girlfriend or something, you know.

I always heard that you had to be sober enough to be able to take over if you need to. Is that, is that accurate? Sober enough. Sober enough. Sober enough. Okay. By who's far? Yeah, when I was.

Sorry, under a point zero eight. When we were, Josh and I working at the radio station here many years ago, I would guess I was, I was 31 or something. I had some 15-year-old kid who had a learner's permit. Give me a ride home from a concert because I was destroyed. I was absolutely hammered. And I said, I got to get out of here to this kid. He worked with us.

He wasn't just a random kid. And I said, you got a license yet? He said, no, I got a permit. I said, that's good enough. Give me a ride home. And then maybe one of these past cops you were talking about, Jen, Roski or Langer, they said, yeah, that's wildly illegal. You can't be hammered drunk.

The kid was happy to do it, though. He thought of it as kind of a thrill. I've got a new driver starting up. He's taking classes right now. Do you have any recommendations for parents on when they have a new driver? Things that they should be teaching them are focusing on the most. Breaking your own bad habits. You know, you want to teach them the right way and model good behavior.

So you're going to want to follow the speed limit where your seat belt at all times. You know, just kind of the basic things that, you know, follow. follow all the laws, so you're not showing them, do what I tell you, but not what I do. Well, so one of the rules I have for myself is I go four over, so the cop doesn't think I'm a nerd. But I won't teach him that, obviously, although I kind of want to let him know. You don't want the cops thinking you're a nerd. And if you're going the exact speed limit, I'd imagine you're going to raise the suspicion of an officer who's going to think, that guy's drunk.

He set the cruise control exactly 55. Nobody drives 55. That's so true. I always do it like 52. Or if you don't look at the cop, they won't see you. Yeah, you're looking straight ahead. No eye contact. I never know what to do.

I always feel like whatever I do, they think it's suspicious. Like I'll look and then try not to look. I never know. What's the proper thing where you guys aren't like, oh, what are you doing? You know what's not cool when you guys camp in the right lane and go like 52 and a 55? Because nobody wants to pass you. Yeah. It's for our entertainment.

I would think it is. There's a listener in our audience who wants to ask the pimp where he went to elementary school. I don't know if you're willing to answer that question. I went to Turtle Lake Elementary. You were wrong, dude. Dude thought you went to some other elementary. He thought he knew you.

People are reminding us. There's a lot of mickeys out there. There are a few. But only one pimp. There's only one pimp. People are reminding us. We were talking earlier this week about, those morons that pretend to be cops.

Oh, God. And they pull people over. And if you guys experienced that before, have you pulled somebody over or had to respond to a call? Because I know there's been a couple in Minnesota who have done that. And if so, like, what's your reaction? No, I haven't run into that, but I know what you're talking about. Yeah, I haven't run into it personally either, but I have heard it.

You haven't, huh? Well, both of you are under arrest. How do we know you're under arrest? A real cop. I thought you were talking about Gordon. I'm in the other room. You can't take shots at me through the glass here.

We've got to take a break. But before we do, again, 651, 551, 951, 93, if you have a question for the police with the pimp and Gordo and Jen. We let you off the hook, Jen, because we started heading in a different direction. You were never able to tell us your wildest

10 years in the business. What's your wildest story from the road? Oh, gosh. Or is it so dark you don't want to talk about it or so uh or what about like pulling somebody over on holline with a funny outfit anything like that oh gosh you guys are putting me on the spot with that that's part of the deal now yeah well i mean that probably not the wildest but when you're talking about you know the adult being drunk with the permit driver in the drive in the car i did have a a dad working on his computer just you know cruising away on whatever he was doing for work and the kid was going over 90

Oh, my God. It was like, oh, my God. What are you doing? Clearly not watching what your kids doing. So the dudes either not paying attention or totally approves of his son doing 90 miles per hour. So that wasn't, that was kind of an interesting. It must have been shocking. When you pulled them over, did you know you were dealing with a kid when you pulled them over?

Yeah, it was pretty shocked. I mean, you know, you see a 15-year-old boy, a pretty baby face. Yeah. Is there any like really just, the typing on the keyboard maybe think of this, really distracted driver, somebody doing something ridiculous. You hear like, oh, they're streaming on Netflix. Yeah. I've told the story before.

Frimming their nose hair or something. Yeah. The most distracted driver I've ever seen was a guy playing the acoustic guitar. His leg was outside the window. This was on C or Highway 77, across in the bridge there, into Egan. That's actually really impressive. Don't call me, daughter. It kind of was impressive.

I don't know how good of a guitar player he was, but he was a good multitaker. What he's steering with then? With his knee? So he, well, it must have been his right knee. Yeah. Because his left leg, by the way, I'm impressed with those. I can't even get my leg up this high. Oh, that is impressive.

He's very flexible. He plays the acoustic guitar and he can operate a vehicle on the freeway. Was he wearing a shirt? I don't remember. Minnesota State Trooper Gordon Shank. I called you to report a crime that I don't have nothing to do with. I'm not involved in the crime. I didn't perpetrate the crime.

On the 93X Half-assed Morning Show. Yeah, it's not just gorty. Not just Gordon. Guard on, we're going to call you. Guard on. Sounds like a dragon name, doesn't it?

From Game of Thrones? There are three cops in the building. You'd think we did something illegal. But no, it's our pals from the Minnesota State Patrol. Guard on Shank, Mikey Lee, and Jen Creer. We've been jaw jacking a little bit, taking some questions from the brother and sister. Hood. Before we get going out of here for the weekend, here's a question for you,

coppers. Oh, a listener just simply wants to know what you make of those Godforsaken self-driving vehicles. Do they scare you as much as they scare the rest of us? Jan? I mean, I wouldn't want that, but it's more of like, I want to be in control of the vehicle. I mean, even when my husband's driving, I want to, you know, I'm a backseat driver for me. So I personally, I'm not a huge fan at all. No, I get nervous. Are you guys trained in any way to deal with those if they go rogue? Or, I mean, if you see them, blow the tires out?

Yeah, see one going 20 over. What do you do? Yeah, just start yelling loudly and panicking. The very logical response. Do you have permission to shoot the tires out? Give them a pit maneuver or something? Yeah, I guess it depends on what the vehicle is doing. But, yeah, if you have to disable it and get it off the road,

just kind of do whatever you need to do. I don't like those frigate things. I will say as this progresses, we do have troopers that are on work groups right now working through how we'll deal with that in the future and what it looks like. So we're still evolving and learning ourselves as we're, as this is becoming more of a part of our life. Oh, yeah, because I mean, if it's a self-driving car and the person's really not in control and they get pulled over, they just be like, oh, it was my car, not me. Yeah, and I know there's some departments in other states that have dealt with that. we have, to my knowledge, we have not had that issue or thing happen yet. Oh, that's going to be a pain.

I have heard where there's been people that have, the car just won't stop and it's driving in circles around the airport and they can't get out. That's my fear. I've drove in one of those in Arizona. I went in a Waymo. Were you nervous at all? I mean, a little bit, yeah. I was impressed, though. There was a pedestrian that just ran out in the road randomly, and it stopped immediately and made a lane change.

And I was like, wow, this is impressive. So, TBD, I guess. You're a trooper and you get in a chase with one of those and it loses you? Are your partner's ever going to let that one go? That would, no. Wouldn't it be kind of embarrassing? They're not going to be a ghost. Just tell them it was the ghost of Dale Earnhardt or something.

We're going to give you a civilian job here. Can it go? Did someone just say that it has a governor on it? A speed limit on it? Well, I think it knows a speed limit. Okay. I don't think it travels. excessively.

Right. So it, but Gordon said there was one dude trapped in the back and circled the airport for three and a half days. And the guy was, what I remember. Starving to death. Three and a half days. It was it just, it was slowly going around the terminal. That's hilarious.

Don't quote me on that. I just know someone had mentioned like, yeah, did you hear that one time? I'm like, I did not hear about that. Looking at his watch going, yeah, the freaking plane takes off in 20 minutes here. You got to. I would have jumped out. Hey, kids. It's Big Ben.

We get questions a lot about zipper merge. and roundabouts and reminding people how to use them. I do, there's a, every day there's some construction on 35E and there's a big zipper merge and there's rage every single time. So can you explain again what you're exactly, because you want people to take both lanes, correct, to stop, you know, traffic buildups? Correct. That's correct.

I mean, that's true. It's better for traffic. It's more efficient. It gets people to where they're going faster safely. when we have individuals that park their vehicle in both lanes, that causes a problem, multiple problems. It slows down traffic and it can cause road rage incidents too. Yeah, I get mad at those people. So I get it.

I do get a little bit of roadway. I'm like, just go to the end. That's the point of this lane. Well, I think they probably don't because you see that where folks just say, hey, screw you for, you know, I waited. And so they get kind of pissy about it. I don't really notice anybody else when I'm merging. Good luck everybody else That's a nice thing about having a pickup

I just kind of Give her hell and whatever happens happens This is a great question here for the pimp Mikey Lee In what order do you apply your icy hot? What are you start with the shoulders Or the thighs? How much of your body do you cover?

Yeah, I think it depends I'm usually a top-down kind of guy Do the shoulders and neck And then again I'm like very respectful of it I don't want to get too close to the danger zones. Smart. I rarely use it on my legs.

Is that something where you make the mistake once? Well, luckily, I haven't made the mistake. Ever? No. Wow. We're notking some wood. So to speak. Is this every day?

No. I know. By the sounds of my addiction, you think it would be. But no, I didn't use any today. I'm regretting it. I met your wife a couple weeks back right at the State Fair, and I think it's funny. She brought it up, the icy hot.

Yes. We knew we were going to like you from the get-go, but then when we found out you were hooked on icy hot, it kind of took it to another level. It's a crippling addiction. And it's funny how we found out, you were getting texts from other troopers saying, you got to ask him about icy hot. So you're even known in the department as the icy hat. Oh, embarrassing. He forgot a tub of it in the office when I took it over, and I was like, oh, hey, you're going to need this. Oh, seriously?

That's hilarious. I don't see it strapped. There's some in my office. You knew exactly who that belonged to. Yeah. Well, look, folks, we got to get her done. We've got to get out of here. We're ready to start our weekend, but we want to thank you for your time.

Mikey Lee and Gordon Shank and our new friend Jen Creer. Hopefully we'll get a chance to chat again soon. Thanks for having us. Thanks for all your help. Unless you get fired as quick as the other two guys. Oh, God. But it has been wonderful to meet you. Thank you, Jen.

Thank you. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey podcast friends, it's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning, I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart.

Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard Heating and Air Conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com.