93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Spite Corpse

Episode Date: February 24, 2026

Originally Aired February 24, 2026: Year of the crack. Global Bartender Day. Everything you wanna know about getting weird with roadkill.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hope you're feeling like a hundred bucks. By God, we do. I'm told today is World Bartenders Day or something along those lines. Most bartenders likely aren't conscious just yet because they were working last night verbally. and or physically wrestling alcoholics until the bitter end of the night. But I sure dig you bartenders. Yeah, they've done a lot of good for the world, haven't there? Definitely.

That's something I wanted to be. And, Nick, I'm sure you remember the late-night advertisements for the Minnesota School of bartending. I even remember those. Oh, they even had them when you guys were growing up. Yeah, absolutely. Yes, I do. It's so funny because two of my friends ended up, I don't know if it was that one,

but they ended up going to school for that. and then I just became a bartender on the side. And then they never became bartenders. Yeah, it sounds like Brown where you pay like an absurd amount of money for something that you could just learn on your own. I wonder about that. I really have no idea what it costs to go to the bartending college. I remember being quite expensive.

Oh, yeah? I did want. I thought, wow, how fun. You know, like the movie cocktail. I want to flip those drinks around. I want to set drinks on fire. I want to say, hey, what do you want there, pal? And I want to bang all the ladies, just like the bartender's always.

seem to do. When I was a bartender, I never met anybody that went to bartending school. Oh, I'm sure not. Yeah. Most people just kind of learn you start as a bar back and you kind of work your way up. Is that right, Ashley? Yeah, or like a server, anywhere in the restaurant, really. And then once you have experience one place, anywhere else will hire you. Well, I'm kind of going through something similar now where there's a program I want to get, quote, certified in, right? And I've been kind of like looking online, is it worth it or whatever? It'd be good because, you know, I'll get the education and I can feel more confident in it, but most people are saying, ah, no, it's not worth it.

As a matter of fact, you're kind of made fun of if you go through a class like this, something like that. Just teach yourself? Yeah, I mean, it's, this one is, there's varying versions, right? You could go to L.A. and learn. You could do it online and follow along or, like virtual classes where it's live or doing your own pace, which is the one I was going to do. but yeah, I was kind of made fun of online. You're looking to get certified?

Yeah, I thought just, you know, that could be super confident in it, and maybe you put it on my LinkedIn profile, but folks said, don't do that. You look like it's kind of stupid. Wow. God. Sorry, if I'm making a horrible face over here,

it's going on. It has nothing to do with any of you. I just took a sip out of my water jug. God knows what's in there. What do you mean? It's horrible. Oh. I was surprised how often you're supposed to clean your water jug.

I cleaned mine once a week. Oh, I don't even think I'd do that. Well, that's within the last few months. It used to be... I can't even see down in there. It's too dark. Once a year, pretty much. I think there might be a dead animal in my water jug.

Are you serious? I just took a sip and it was just... Oh, I'm sorry. It doesn't matter. It's every couple days, they say. I'll get used to it. Oh, God, I've never washed a water jug. Good for you, bartenders, that it's World Bartenders Day or whatever.

is. Get some. Go ahead and get some. Yeah, they deserve all the appreciation that they deserve. They put up with the lot, don't they? They do. Saggy Nutsmagee, Jesus said he went to the Minnesota School of Bartending in 1990, and his first gig was at Izadis, Nick. That's a fun place. I've got to take another sip out of my water here and see if I can identify. I got to try to identify what animal has died inside my water jug. Reminds me of a time at college when we were massively hung over in class one Friday morning and the buddy reached into his reaching his backpack to get

a bottle of water like an aquafina bottle and because he used to dying of dehydration. Sure. Takes a big sip of it. Forgot that he had filled that aquaena bottle of vodka. Had ran out of the room just vomiting everywhere. I've heard barf

from tequila and you know how people, there's plenty of people like, oh, they've sworn off tequila. That didn't happen to me necessarily. where I thought I'm never going to drink it again. I just thought I probably shouldn't drink like 13 tequila shots in an hour and a half. That's a good rule of thumb to have, Josh. And what's the other one?

Like, oh my gosh, the stuff that tastes like licorice. Jaegermeister. That's another one people swear out. Rumpelmans. I like all those. All right, I took another ship out of my water jug. And I can't see into it. This is like my wife bought me the type of...

It's like a tactical bottle. Yeah, it's like military. You know that guy, that older character we've heard of here in Minnesota our whole lives, Josh, Will Steger, Will Stager, the adventurer, he's snowshoed to the Antarctic and back. Will Stiger, Will Steger, Minnesotans and other guy. My wife bought me the water jug that Will Steger Stiger would take to Mars, right? So it's wrapped in some type of, I can't see in it. So I don't know

I took another sip It's fine now So I imagine that prior sip Where I thought maybe a dead animal Was swimming around It was just my breath That could be Yeah sure

It's fine now That yeah that is an outrageous That more looks like a fuel tank To a rocket ship That one of our coworkers Has the exact same one And actually my day started off poorly Because I ran into her in the hallway

I said hello and I had a massive voice crack as if I were 13 years old. Ah, that sucks. It came out of nowhere. We both locked eyes and thought that was weird. And then we parted without saying anything. It was so uncomfortable. Yeah, smart just to ignore it.

Pretend it didn't happen. Yeah, exactly. Here you are a 50-year-old man and your voice is cracking like you are a sixth grader. It's the first time I spoke, you know, all morning and it just came out this giant voice crack. And nobody needs to start a Tuesday in February like that. No, and you know when like you, you biff, you biff it, you. fall on the ground, whatever. And the first thing you do is look around to see if anybody noticed.

I mean, we locked eyes, and I'm thinking, is there any way she didn't hear that? But I could tell by her face. She was disappointed. Yeah, you ruined her day, Josh. It was very, very embarrassing. So here it is. We're talking about global, universal bartenders day here on 93X, the home of the rock. I got to find that guy.

Do you ever see that bit, Dana? No, I don't think I did. It's got to be a local guy. He did this video online making fun of the radio station. And it was so good. Oh, no, the Home of the Rock, that was my reference to, not that I wanted to go in this direction. The Home of the Rock, that was that comic, David Cross.

Oh, yeah, David Cross, that's right. He did a good one, too. It's the Home of the Rock. It's Global Bartenders Day. And it's the year of 20 and 26, Cubby, the year of the crack. And we're not talking about... Buck, crack? Yeah, we're not talking about crack rocks.

although you might know some people where every year it seems like the year of the crack rocks that's not where they're going with this Vogue magazine wow I can't believe I just said that out loud I didn't know that still existed Vogue magazine They've called 20 and 26

The Year of the Crack They're talking about the ass crack Hmm Yeah we've had a few of those years before It's like apparently it's making resurgence I haven't noticed no But I don't go out of the crack out very often. Well, we don't, none of us hang out in places where people are going to be displaying

the newest fashion trends. Yeah, but you'd think I'd see it on social media and I haven't seen it anywhere. Okay, I thought we were talking about real life. Even like with my, my hip young niece, she is a junior at the U of M. She, uh, she's very on with the trends and I haven't seen her doing anything like that lately. Well, you of M, that sounds terrifying. She's a having a blast. She's got it figured out. I'm afraid of young people though. Oh, she's so pretty, Brett. I guess brace yourself. Okay, so we haven't seen it firsthand yet. Brace yourself. My wife's seen it. I wear a pair of sweatpants that are a little too small for me. The drawstring doesn't quite hold them up, so sometimes she makes fun of me because the butt crack is shown

a little bit. You need some suspenders. That would be hilarious. Yes, please. I think I have to get sheet suspenders. Our sheet keeps coming off. It's frustrating. I got to put I hate that. Yeah, it does. And you got that new bed? That's the problem. That kind of stuff pisses me off so much. We can't keep them on there.

And then you've got to get out of bed to fix it. You got to, yeah, get the dogs off, get your wife off the bed specifically. Don't take that out of context. All right, let me see if this is the guy. You're listening to 93 FHard Rock Radio. Nothing but Hard Rock. Hard dudes playing hard rock, and they are rock hard. They're trying to rock, and they're trying to...

Hard. Nothing but hard fucking and hard rocking on a 93. Hard radio. They're ready to rock, and they're ready to... I think the guy's name on TikTok was Von Vitti. I can't remember. Man, the first time I saw that, that is so good. And back in the day, that's kind of how it was around here, right? Nick.

Everything had to rock. I remember that guy. That's got to be 10, 15 years old. At least. And he picked a perfect time to poke fun at this radio station, because as you just said, that was the vibe that was kind of pushed around here at the time. Josh and I never really fell in line. with it. But that was, you know, our program directors and our station managers, they,

they encouraged us to have that vibe. And Josh and I thought it was so phony. We more or less said, no, we're not going to do it. But so that, that long time since I've heard that, very funny. Yeah. And the dude did have perfect timing. And he probably, that comedy bit was his reaction to the constant barrage of deswinging that was going on at this radio station at the time. It was so phony and forced. I'm so hungover and my voice is so rough and my Harley Davidson is warming up in the parking lot and I'm getting a BJ. It was such a for, but anyway, the year of the crack, who was it again? Vogue magazine?

They're saying it's happening finally. The ass crack is going to be the fashion statement for the year. You're going to see a lot of pants hanging off of asses with exposed ass track. How do you say it again? Ask crack. I call it ass track. You're going to see a lot of exposed ass crack and you're going to see it on men's and women's. Well, apparently they're designing clothes to show off the butt crack.

too, so you can go buy some butt crack pants if you want. Oh, Lord. About time. Oh, so it's not just wearing your jeans extremely low, and I loved that era 25 years ago, because some of you women just wore it so well, my God, the exposed underwear out the back of the, I thought that was the hottest thing.

So you're saying, now they're going to design clothing, I'll have to see it to understand it. It could be one of the, things that never happens, you know how like you, it's, well, you've probably seen, not that you sit there and watch Fashion Week, but some of the outfits are ridiculous and nobody would ever wear that in real life. Yeah. So that's kind of where it started and people are saying, oh yeah, here we go, butt crack. Who knows? I mean, who know, maybe that'll be a thing. But it sure was

before. I'm cool with low-rise jeans coming back and like the high-waisted jeans going away. Oh, you and me both. Yeah, I hate high-wasted jeans. They make my tummy hurt. I always thought it was just the dopiest look in the world and it stuck around for about 10 years, didn't it? Yeah. Maybe longer. And they have different levels.

Like, super high-waisted ones. Oh, you can get them up to your shoulders, actually. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. At that point, they're just suspenders. Yeah. So it's so uncomfortable. Low-cut jeans exposing your ass crack for men and women. It's ready to go mainstream, everybody.

You know what? I'm glad is gone. Well, at least I haven't seen in a long time, where you're wearing your pants so gentlemen are wearing tight pants so low that they're a complete butt is hanging out? I don't miss that look where the boxers are totally exposed. I saw a guy we were at an outlet mall. Saw a guy carrying two bags. He's got these two sacks.

And he could bear, he was waddling because his pants were below his butt cheeks. Yeah, sagging? It was the, yeah, sagging. That's what they called it, right? That was the dumbest trend of all time. I don't know if I'll ever understand the thought process. But here's the thing. It's not, it wasn't that they were sagging.

I saw dudes who intentionally belted their pants below their entire ass. Right. It certainly was intentional. Yeah, that's why I'm saying like that fashion trend. I do not understand. I know what you're saying. I just wouldn't call it sagging. It wasn't as if their pants are hanging and they just haven't pulled them up.

They intentionally cinch them. them below their ass. Very unique appearance. Stanky boy Jesus said it's still around. I haven't seen it a long time. Oh, I've seen it. Yeah. I've seen it recently.

I mean, again, this guy was waddling. He looks so uncomfortable. Impossible to get around. How do you do that? Why would you do that? Because it was cool. Because it was hip. Because they want to fit in.

I would hope as a young man, let's say I was a young man when this trend was going on, that I wouldn't have got myself involved in it. Maybe I would have, I don't know, made some dumb decisions in that regard. But that just seems absolutely ridiculous. I remember my dad used to give me crap because we'd never want to wear jackets. We were too tough to wear jackets, no matter how cold it was. Oh, yeah, of course. It ruined your outfit.

Do you remember that one Christmas I had, Josh? For Christmas, I told my uncle that I wanted a jacket, and he showed me how. Yeah, that's tough. That's sad. So, all right, there you go. That's what supposedly is on the horizon, ass cracks, from one end of town to the other, like you're at a truck stop. Corporate Che Jesus said her husband has nailed that look for years, the butt crack hanging out.

You shouldn't have to see a man's butt crack. Oh, yeah, pants on the ground. Somebody texts that, was that about that look? Looking like a fool with your pants on the ground? Been many years. I don't remember the inspiration behind pants. I grew up staring at a man's ass crack. I'm the son of an over-the-road truck driver.

My dad had no ass. And he passed it on to me. As kids, my damn, we had fun. Torturing and teasing my dad for his constantly exposed ass crack. Did you ever drop the pencil down there? Coins, yes. When I was a kid, they used to make fun of me because I could never keep my pants up.

Couldn't do it when I was little. When you were a little kid? Yeah. I mean, we even made a song. Me and my brother and sister would chase my dad around the house. It didn't take long, very small house. But we'd chase him around the house and we sang a song to make fun of his constantly exposed ass crack. John John the Piper's son.

He's got no ass for his pants to hang on. And he would say, shut up, I'm just trying to live my life. We would make him cry. He never cried. But yeah, I grew up with a truck driver father, so I know all about he'd be horsing around in the garage or something. And I'd walk up and drop a quarter down there. Have you ever had it happen and you didn't realize it at all? Oh, every day.

Yeah, I did. And a buddy of mine took a picture of it for me and I was mortified. That's messed up. Delete that thing. No. Put it on the Internet. Every day, Josh. Like I said, I inherited the same can from the old man.

trucker butt I do not notice I could tell you I had no idea I didn't feel a thing no you know sometimes you do sometimes you don't I think it depends on the temperature sometimes whether you notice you're exposed

all right speaking of all this you know home of the rock this and that you know how hard we are around here real tough guys I missed this but apparently there was announcement there was an announcement a few days ago a week ago

Twisted Sister has had to cancel their 50th anniversary tour. Yeah, you know, and then there was death rumors about D. Snyder, and I didn't know about the death rumors until, I mean, he already came out and said, I'm not dead. I'd never heard the rumors before he made the announcement. I never heard anything. This is somewhat heartbreaking. I have confidence that it may eventually happen.

but we were very excited a number of months ago when Twisted Sister, one of my favorite all-time hard rock acts, came forward and said, we're doing one more tour. It's our 50th anniversary. We're going to go here. We're going to go there. That idea has been canned.

That was so loud. That's the second one. That idea has been canned because of D. Snyder's health but he assures everyone he is quote not dying but he does admit to having some health issues health challenges he called them

and that has screwed their plans to go ahead with this 50th anniversary tour he said I'm not dying I mean we're all dying but I'm not dying immediately he said he's struggling with arthritis

and an unspecified heart issue and his final final comments. Well, I don't mean it that way, but his closing comments on the subject, he said, the rumors have run wild that I'm on my deathbed. I am not. I just can't do those things that I did in my 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and even 60s. Otherwise, I'm alive and well. I'm enjoying life. So I have confidence, cubby, that it'll happen. We just might have to wait for D to go see a cardiologist and get on a treadmill or something like that. Yeah, I hope so. The guy is an incredible shape for a 70-year-old man.

Did you see him a few years ago? I've never seen them live, no. Oh, I mean, I don't know. Maybe it was, well, I think it was 10 years ago because it was their 40th anniversary tour. And so he was 60 or something along those lines. He took a shirt off. He looked like a 25-year-old kid.

So he is. Good for him. It's way better, I think, odds that they will return than if, give me an out-of-shape rock star. No offense, Mike Reno from Loverboy. That's who came to mind. And I feel bad even saying that, because Mike Reno is a friggin gift from God, one of the greatest singers that's ever lived. But he doesn't look so good. He put on some weight. If Mike Reno said, I'll be back, I'll have my doubts. I don't doubt D. Snyder. Mike Reno, lover boy, put on a little bit of weight. I could tell you he looked good in Cobra Kai a few years ago when he made a, they went to a

Cobra Kai went to Twisted Sister concert. You're talking about D. Snyder, not Mike Reno. Oh, yeah, Mike Reno. I haven't seen him in any karate-related shows. Oh, okay, because I didn't remember the lover boy episode of Cobre Cay. Okay, yes, I remember that episode where they went to a twisted

sister concert that cracked me up. I was asking out loud before I shouted Mike Reno, and I feel bad. I was asking, who's a rock star, doesn't look so good anymore, shotgun messiah. Jesus text. He didn't right away and said, Vince Meal?

Yeah, he's not quite the same in the aesthetics department. They call him Vince Meal now. That's not nice. I mean, to see Twisted Sister one more time. Come on. You even saw him on their Christmas album tour. I've seen him every chance I could get. I even saw Dee Snyder's solo band Widowmaker in the 90s. I've loved them from the word go. I had that CD. Widow maker.

Blood and bullets, I think, might have been the name of their first record. D. Snyder. Just one of the best that's ever been. So I got high hopes and all that. I'll be hoping the guys feeling 100% again. So there you go. I suppose we could kick it in the ass. Did I forget anything, Cubby?

I think everything's been covered. We could kick it right in the ass. Where did someone send me a D. Snyder quote? Hmm. D. Snyder once said I'd rather walk away than be a shadow of my former self. Well, it could have been something he said when he was 32. Things have changed. Well, no. I mean, I don't know when he said it, but he has not become a shadow of his former self. Not yet. So many rock stars have. You know, I like that comment. I'd rather walk away than be a shadow of my former self. How many rock stars? How many rock stars have? I like that comment. I'd rather walk away than be a shadow of my former self. How many rock stars have you seen in the last 20 years where you go, okay, dude or lady, whoever it is, come on.

Stop it. You're nowhere near. You know what I'm talking about? I mean, I guess we could be mean and rattle them off, but D has not reached that point yet. Many others have. All right, I'll just say one, even though I love the guy. You can't cross the street these days without,

someone saying, have you seen David Lee Roth, my God, what is wrong with him? You know what I mean? Yeah, he's changed. So anyway, anyway, you guys know what I'm saying. Here we go. We will take a little break. When we come back, we got a fully loaded stupid news report for you. Back in a few minutes.

The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

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So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Let me go back and touch on a couple of things we covered earlier this morning on the half-ass morning show. We were talking about how today is some type of a global bartending day. Love your bartender day, this and that.

We certainly back that operation. We're all fans of our neighborhood bartenders, and we hope they get all the glory in the world today on Global Universal National. Josh brought up bartending school. You considered it when you were a young person, when you were watching local late night television because I had a lot of advertisements when you'd watch those $2 channel 9

night movies in the late 80s, early 90s. There were a lot of ads for bartending college. Were we wondering about the cost? I remember thinking that somebody texted in a cost and I remember it being a lot more than that. One guy texted in and said I went to bartending school 20 years ago. Well, that's not that long ago. He said it was 300 bucks.

That's it. I wonder if it was the same one because I remember it being more than that. Someone made a comparison to Brown Institute. I'll tell you right now. I paid a hell of a lot more than $300 to go to Brown Institute. And you went when it, I mean, after you graduated, it was outrageous how much it cost. Well, it was outrageous when I was there, too. I know.

I mean, it was just like compared to, it was almost double, I think. what you paid. And if you wanted to get the two-year degree, you know, like your generals done and all that stuff, you might as well go to Harvard. Some people would be taking, you know, in radio money, it's taking like 15 years to pay it off. That's insane. You get a two-year degree to go

be in radio. And, I mean, and you've heard the story before. I thought I was as naive as a guy can be. When I walked into my first day of real work at a radio station, I assumed everybody in the

building had some form of education. Little did I know, I was about the only one. Everyone else just walked in and said, yeah, can I have a job? Don't get me wrong. I had a lot of fun at Brown Institute. I had a friggin blast at Brown Institute. Yeah, it was a lot of money, took a while to pay it off, but I don't regret it. I mean, I regret the time that I spent. You know, I could have just walked in here, I guess. Instead, I took nine months worth of classes. I guess I just regret at the time that it ate up. Other than that, I loved it. It's a damn shame that it's gone.

I agree. You know, I never, I didn't go there, but you and I had an opportunity to go there, like to judge some folks or, you know, be a part of it in some way, and that was fun. Weren't we part of some, we were judges for a creative. A scholarship.

We were choosing somebody to get a scholarship to go there. Oh, yes, but didn't we judge a creative writing project? Or am I, is that the liquor? I don't remember that. Whatever. Because there was a couple years we did the scholarship program, and they had some really good talent. There was one woman in particular. She was incredible.

We had a really good time. I had a really good time over there. I made a couple of good pals. But here's what threw me. It was a lot of money just to get in the door over there. And it floored me. Let's say my class had 15 kids in it. Well, some of them were 40 years old.

15 people. Let's say, and that's a safe estimate. Three of us actually applied ourselves. The others showed up drunk, high, or never showed up at all. And I couldn't understand it. What did you guys come from money? Yeah, no one's forcing you to be here. They must have been trust fund babies.

Three of us applied ourselves and had a really good time doing it. The others were just high or drunk, and I couldn't wrap my head around it. Same thing for me at St. Cloud State. I had buddies I met in the dorms that they'd never bothered going to a class once. Got put on academic probation. Never saw them again. They just sat in the dormers and played Halo and drink beer all day. Well, I mean, I've mentioned you guys before.

I went to Moorhead State. I tried really hard, and I did real well in my grades. And then I went to Normadale, realized that, I mean, I always went to class where I had a real small classes, my entire, you know, being a student, and if you missed something, they were on your ass. I mean, to the point where I told you before, I had to write a letter of apology for being late to something. But I realized, you know, at Norma, I shouldn't just point out Normadale, but, you know, certain colleges, they didn't care. If you didn't show up, that's on you, you're an adult, figure it out. Right. Big lecture halls is not like they take attendance and stuff

from guessing? No, if you don't do the work, you know, it's on you. You're paying for it. And so it took me probably almost, I don't know, 10 years to pay off a two-year degree, because it took me four years, I would show up at school and play ping pong. I was there in the building and I didn't go to class. It was the dumbest thing of all time. Here's a text message from Schingle-Haller Jesus. He's got a question for all of us. Do I need a degree he wants to know in radio to work there now?

No, have you listened to this radio station? They're desperate. Yeah, you're good. Yeah, if you want to get a job, make a phone call. Do you have a pen or a pencil? Yeah, it used to be back in the day, you know, you have bosses that are like, there's a line of 10,000 people that want your gig. Now it's like there's a line of zero people that want your gig.

I've certainly heard stories upon stories, and I personally know dudes. I don't think I know any women, but I know a few dudes who completely threw away their future. Well, that's dramatic. I shouldn't say that. they completely wasted their, they're, see, that's dramatic too. Because if you're sitting around having fun, drinking and carrying on, I don't consider that wasted time. Dana, you were saying you knew a guy, you knew guys who just sat around and did nothing their entire time at St. Cloud State. It costs money to go there, but they made no effort.

Right. I certainly know a few guys who did the exact same thing. But what floored me about the Brown Institute, I almost said Brown Institution, what floored me about the Brown Institute thing is you only had to keep your act together for nine months. Yeah, that's not long at all. A college is four or five years. That's a long time to behave yourself. All you had to do at Brown Institute, nine months just show up and make a little bit of an effort.

And they'd give you a job. Might not be the job you were looking for, but they'd give you a job. Yeah. All right. What else did we cover? Brace yourselves. The new trend now in fashion is exposed. ass cracks, kind of going back to the early 2000s with the low jeans.

But this is for men and women. Coming soon, you'll be seeing men and women's ass cracks all over town because it's the hip new thing. One of our listeners texted in and said, by damn, I better get a hold of that ask knee. He has ask knee. I've never had that, thankfully. Oh, I bet that hurts a lot. He's going to have to clear that up, he says, before he joins this ass crack exposing movement. You never had any ass acne?

Not that I'm aware of. Not even just one big grapefruit some bitch, nigga. I had a buddy that had it, and he mentioned how much it hurt. Like a monkey fist. Nothing. And you work on it for weeks. I got lucky. And then it finally gives way, and it hurts.

All right. I think we started yesterday's report talking about driving. I hope you don't mind, but I say we go ahead and do it again. Driving, a motor vehicle, to be specific. Down there in the unlivable far southeastern United States, a dude got pinched for driving 129 miles per hour in his motor vehicle in a 55 mile per hour zone. 129, there he goes. and he went ahead with that.

He did that in order to make it back to work on time from his lunch break. At least that's the story he spun for the police. I guess I believe it after reading the story. Once Dinkas was pulled over to the side of the road, he told the cops that he was erasing back to work because the folks at McDonald's took too long to make his food and he only had a few minutes left on his lunch break. That's a strict workplace.

If he's that freaked out. Hilarious. So he chose to endanger the lives of everyone in town instead of bearing the thought of being late coming back to work from his stupid lunch break. That's some solid decision-making right there, by God. Well, I mean, and it's like publicized nationwide how much they're cracking down in Florida on speeders.

So I'd imagine everyone in Florida knows, hey, if I go a certain speed, I'm going to jail. You think people in Florida watch the news? Well, maybe not. But it seems like if we know about it here, these laws, that they got to know about it there. And I'll get to that in just a minute. You're right.

I didn't know it was so well known, but you're right. This was a 19-year-old kid. I'm sure nobody's surprised to hear that. That's probably the fastest. We all are at everything in life is when we're 19 years old. We walk fast, we talk fast, we F fast, we drink fast, we, what else do we do fast when we're 19? Drive. You know what I'm saying.

The kid goes by the name of Christopher. And like I said, she was a 55 mile per hour zone where Christopher turned that pig up to near 130 miles per hour. He must have straight up blown the doors. off a few cars he passed while burping up a fillet of fish. Yeah. I don't know if I've ever seen anybody go that fast blowing by me. Maybe. I mean, I've definitely had people where I thought I was going backwards.

They were going fast enough, but I can't imagine. You were parked on the shoulder. Wait a minute to have to look down. I'm like, oh, I'm going the speed limit. When the cops asked the kid how fast he thought he was going, Christopher said, hell, I don't know, a hundred. And Christopher went off to jail. Like Cubby was saying, last year, a super speeder law went into a

effect in that neighborhood, southeastern part of our country. The deal is drivers going 50 miles per hour or more over the posted speed limit or those who travel at 100 miles per hour or higher in general. The penalty for that kind of thing is much stiffer now than it was in the past. Dumbels like Christopher are staring down the possibility of 30 days in jail for Pete's sake. 30 days in jail because you didn't want to be late for work, I'd feel like a jabroney if it was me. I just hope you got to finish this McDonald's before they cuffed them and stuffed them.

Yeah, I mean, 30 days. You're missing a lot of work at that point. I don't think my car even goes that fast. Mine definitely does. I don't think it would let me go that fast. Well, you got a new car. Think of some of the older cars you drove when you were a kid. Can you imagine trying to push some of those

Some bitches to 130. Just parts falling off left and right. You'd hear springs giving way and screws popping, wheels, screaming. Here's the deal. If you F off and get a second super speeding ticket, you're looking at up to six months in the cooler, and you lose your license for a smooth year, and they kick your ass. Oh, no.

Yeah. Not the ass speeding. You're fine with the rest of it. I'm too pretty to get punched in the face. So like we were talking last week, slow down you jagoffs. We were talking last week about dildos who want to go 52 miles per hour in my residential neighborhood. I'll tell you what, soon enough, Cubby, someone's going to get a dog turd thrown through their open window and hit them right in the yap. And it's going to be, you're going to see me following through.

You have to time that just perfect with how fast some of the people go in neighborhoods. That was a polarizing comment you made, by the way. Some people are like, you don't tell me how fast I can go. If they take out a little kid on a bike, that's up to them. Take out a dog walker. Is that what our textors are saying? Our texters are saying, don't tell me to slow down. If I want to kill a kid in my motor vehicle, I'll go ahead and do it?

Yeah, I'm trying to remember some specifics. Ashley, do you remember there was one in particular that was awful hostile? What? You're talking about last week or just now? Oh, what did someone say? Like I said, I'm trying to remember the specifics, but that was the gist of a few of them. They don't want you to tell them how fast they can go in your residential neighborhood.

Sorry, I blew up. If you want to run over a puppy or a child, yeah, that's your business. It's worth it to go a little faster than you're supposed to look super cool, obviously. All right, this one here. This one will leave a mark, I think. I think you'll remember this one right here. A story about a family, oh Christ, way out there. A long poke from these parts.

A family in South Africa. So what happened here is the family had someone check out on them. Dad, mama, a great-grandma, I'm not sure. Someone in the family checked out. The story doesn't identify the carcass. Now, some of you who have had a family member up and die might be able to relate to this. Not that you would choose the same. solution, but you might be able to relate to this.

This here family was frustrated by their neighborhood bank, and that bank's refusal to hand over some kind of proof-of-death insurance monies. The family was so hot about that that the bank wasn't handing over their dead relative money, that they went ahead and brought the dead body to the bank and slapped it down onto the floor. Folks were running for the friggin' exits. I think like a picture might have done enough. Death certificate maybe. Yeah.

That sounds like they tried with that, though, right? Like Nick said, I mean, maybe he has some experience. And unfortunately, we do in a couple ways. Not to this extreme, but it was almost impossible to prove that my dad was dead to the point where we thought, well, let's just dig them up and take some photos. I've heard that it can get really complicated. And that's too bad because you're already going through enough. and then you have to put that kind of crap on top of it.

So, yeah, Dana, death certificates didn't matter. Didn't matter? Yeah, it was really out of control where I thought my mom was exaggerating some of the things she went through, but then I saw it. It was wild. That's awful. Having both of my parents gone and my mother recently, I think it's been a fairly smooth process collecting all the dead relative money and this and that.

But I will tell you one thing. I think my wife and my sister, if they have to send proof of death to one more entity, I think they're going to snap. Even just a couple days ago, my sister stopped by the house and she asked my wife, hey, do you have that proof of death thing? I have to send it to this company and that company. So you get a little tired of the process. But from what I know, we've been treated quite fairly. that's good you know and maybe do all that though gosh it should just be like

you send it to one person and they take care of it all for you is that a business you know it might be a lawyer to do that for you yeah oh yeah that makes sense I mean it was my dad passed 13 years ago so maybe it's um it's easier now

than it was then maybe the process you know it's more online that kind of thing my wife and sister are the ones who handle those types of things I would I would be so confused by the the conversations there that I've, I've, it really is kind of complicated. There's so many things. And you just don't, you know, you're thinking about it. And like you said, Ashley, you're grieving. So it's not really the

type of thing you're wanting to do. By the way, real quick, if you don't mind, a few minutes ago we were talking about people who drive too fast in residential neighborhoods. Eventually, you're going to kill a kid. You're going to kill a dog. But whatever, you know, do your thing. Fast residential neighborhood drivers. You want to be a hard on, be a hard on. You can count the cost in the end. Cowboy Jesus texted in to say, you run over my dog. What we were saying, eventually you're going to go to jail, you know, if you behave that way. Cowboy Jesus says, you run over my dog, you ain't going to make it to jail.

Anyway. This text is interesting. It's funny. Air filter Jesus said he's had a few relatives die. But to be honest, not quite enough of them yet. Not the right ones. No, you could use a couple more. Sounds like he's got a wish list.

Yeah. Wow, I never thought of it that way. I've had some relatives die. Hell, a cousin of mine just died. His services this Saturday. And when I sum it all up, all these dead relatives, I would say, yeah, a lot of them have gone and not the right ones. Anyway, here's this family in South Africa.

They're frustrated by the process. The bank won't give them their dead relative money. the bank keeps saying we need more proof. So they brought the friggin' carcass into the bank, slapped it down on the floor. Sure, a death certificate, someone said that out loud a minute ago, would have been the standard way to go about things. But the family tossed the dead carcass into a black body bag,

walked it smooth into the bank building, and laid it down on the floor. Folks who were at the bank that day said, all hell cut loose. you're just there trying to cash your check. Right, yeah. Is that a dead body? Oh, that was, I mean, a small part of the story was random schmucks just looking to cash a check or whatever were pushed out of the bank and told to come back tomorrow.

It was a goat rodeo. They shot the bank. They evacuated the building. The sight and smell, they say, of the dead body. Oh, gosh. Led some people, new guys. at the bank included to race on over to the corner of the room and puke their guts up. At that point, how long was the body, you know, dead for?

Don't know. I don't have that in front of me. What if it was like months? I could see their frustration, certainly, but I would hope that most people have enough respect for their loved one to realize I'm not going to use them as a ploy or to do this with their weekend at Bernie's them for a little bit there. I'd be cool with it. if it was your body?

Yeah. You want to be a spite corpse? I've always said that if I'm a spiked corpse. Oh, podcast title. Yep. There you go. I've always said if I die in a way, you know, I want people to use my death to just sew their wildest oats, you know. Oh, I'm going on a bender in Vegas to cheat on my spouse.

It's what Dana would have wanted. You know, just anything you want to do, use my death as an excuse to do it. You're a good man. Go, go wild. to just tell people, hey, that's what Dana would have wanted. Dana's more powerful in death. That's not initially what came to mind when you said, I want people to use my body to sow their wildest oats.

I guess I phrased that very poorly. I thought to myself, God and baby Jesus, where is he going with this? But now that I have official permission, box tossing Jesus said it's easier to pretend they're still alive and collect their benefits than it is to collect life insurance. I hear you. That's too, just too bad. Through that little bit, and based on text that people are sending in, it seems nearly impossible.

The game is rigged. All right, what is this? The sight and smell of the dead body was terrible. The family with the smelly dead relative lying on the floor. They more or less said, suck it up. They said, we had all the proper paperwork to get that dead grandma money. But the bank wouldn't give us what we're owed. So this is what you get.

Just last year, Hey. Just last year in the same part of South Africa, another family carried a coffin with a dead guy in it to their bank to protest how long it was taking to get the money. Health experts say, Josh, health experts say, by the way, parading around town with a cold, dead, rotting human carcass on a dolly or whatever can spread diseases. So they say, don't do that.

You're going to catch malaria or something along those lines. Yeah, I guess I didn't realize you're able to check out your loved one's dead body from the morgue. Asking me to this for the afternoon, got to go show the bank who's in charge. But the moral of the story is, Dana, you'll let us hump you when you're dead. Yep. Good man. Now here's an entirely different scenario when it comes to family members checking out. And a few people have texted in on the money fights.

I also feel very thankful, maybe because there was no money, that my folks' death didn't create any kind of drama concerning what do I get, what does she get? What does he get? Well, I want this, I want that. There's been none of that. Not that I anticipated it from my family members. I'm just very thankful because you hear horrific stories of families who are torn apart forever after somebody dies because they're fighting over the money. Happened to my family. Never thought it would. Yeah, you've... When my uncle passed the entire, I mean, I talk to one person on my dad's side now. Because... My cousin and that's it. Everything changed when your uncle died. Unbelievable. I was shocked. You saw the true colors of some of your relatives,

and now you don't have any contact with them. There's a couple people that for sure are going to help. I think the way they behaved after that. And I always thought, I'm like, you know, you hear those stories, right? I thought that'll never happen to my family. No way. But it did. I mean, it's heartbreaking.

But yeah, there's people that there's no way I'm ever going to communicate with them again. One of my oldest friends has no confidence. contact with his sister anymore because he says after the death of one of their parents, she snuck a big pile of money out of an account and didn't tell anyone about it. It's just miserable stuff. Here's a text from 50 Shades of Bouchet Jesus. He said when his old man died, his mom stole whatever he planned to give us kids. Still to this day, I don't know if there was anything for me.

That would make me crazy. After the old man died, his mom snatched everything. Anoka Hockey Dad Jesus said his dad recently passed. Sorry to hear that, by the way. Collecting life insurance was easy, but the 401K has been a nightmare. And a few other texts have said the same thing, that the retirement was a lot more difficult to free up than the life insurance. Oh, great.

My mom just, well, she tells me this all the time. But we were just talking about it recently, about how she wants to put me in charge of everything when my parents inevitably pass away. and that sounds like a lot of fun getting a deal with all that stuff. You will be, is the term power of attorney? Something like that. Yeah, they don't trust any of my brothers,

which is so smart. And they know that I will, you know, give my brothers what I think is appropriate. And I have a feeling that it's going to be really, I guess, bad. Really bad when my parents pass away. But it shouldn't be up to you. You said it shouldn't be up to you.

be up to you. Your parents should designate where things are going before they die. They don't want to put that on you. That'd be terrible. It's up to you what everyone gets. You don't want that. You want them to be very specific. Make sure they know that. I'm sure they do.

I've seen where parents might split the responsibilities between a couple kids and that doesn't go well. Oh, yeah. Most folks, I mean, sadly, a lot of folks don't get the chance. They die suddenly. and they never wrote out.

That's maybe the biggest problem is, unfortunately, a lot of folks just up and die. They never had the chance to designate where things are going, and that's where the fights start. So hopefully, Ashley, if you're going to be power of attorney or whatever the word is, hopefully they get it all in writing before either one of them goes down.

That would be ideal. We definitely had a learning experience from when my uncle passed, and my wife and I, that's what we did. We wrote absolutely everything down. We talked about it. with the kids and just said, hey, you know, who wants what? And figured that all out just so they don't have to worry about that. By the way, Dana...

Were there any fights? Yeah, about like when you said, like, you know, who wants what? Was there anything? Oh, with the kids? No, we don't have much. So it makes it easy. No, not at all. Dana, listeners want to know if we have to wait until you're dead to use you as our F piece.

Yeah, what if you're on life support? Where do we start? You know, go, just go for it. Do you have a DNR, a do not romp, until you're dead? So my family was lucky. Before my folks checked out, they wrote it all out. They were very specific over how things were going to go. Okay, well, one more.

We have time for one more, sure. Anyone here live in a neighborhood where there's a problem with people putting their garbage in a place where it's not supposed to go? No. No, thankfully. I did, though. I think I've told you guys this before. Every time I think of something like this, when I moved into my house in Wisconsin, it took me like a day or two to realize that there was no garbage can. I was like, where's this guy like he doesn't use a trash company? That's odd. He had a burn barrel.

And he also buried all his garbage in his backyard in a huge hole. Perfectly normal. Yeah, uh-huh. It was a lot of fun. So first off, I don't understand the illegal garbage dumping crowd. Maybe someone can explain this to me. What's the problem? They just don't want to pay for their trash to be professionally removed. Is that it?

I think so. I saw a fan, like an oscillating fan that you'd have on the floor of your house, on the side of the road the other day. Like, why? How'd that get there? Who did that? Did you do that in broad daylight? Do you know the motivation behind the people who illegally dump garbage?

Is it just because they don't? want to pay for the service? Probably, right? I had a buddy. How ridiculous is that? Yeah. I had a buddy got an illegal dumping ticket in high school. Another friend of ours had a big weekend long beer party.

Oh, sure, the dumpster. Yeah, we cleaned up on Sunday, and he put all the trash bags in his truck and was going to go put him in the dumpster somewhere. For some reason, he decided to just throw him in a field. Cop saw it, kind of opened up one of the bags, was going through. They found, like, a beer soaked sports il. illustrated. They had the address and the house on it. And all of a sudden, my buddy's parents get back

to town and all of a sudden there's a cop car. And my buddy describes like a comical amount of trash bags getting pulled out of all of these cop cars. They're like, hey, this is yours. We know it's yours. And yeah, that's the funniest way anybody ever got busted for any rage drinking

was he was too lazy to go to the nearest gas station, throw him into dumpster. Oh, we certainly chucked him in a field. I get it. Our engineer set up a sting a sting here, somebody was dumping an our garbage can out back or our dumpster out back. And he sent me a picture once, and there's

like three cops that showed up to bust this guy. That's hilarious. You know how, like, our old engineer was, I loved him, but like you don't mess with that guy, right? Could be diabolical at times if you crossed him. Oh, yeah. If you mess with him, he's going extra on you, and that's kind of what happened.

He waited, he figured out a pattern. I mean, he really put some research into it, and they've got the guy, and he was sending me pictures. was so excited about. That's awesome. In high school, we certainly did the drive out into the woods and get rid of the evidence. We would sneak up on our neighborhood pizza hut and throw all our garbage in their dumpster. But that was high school kids. Right. Here's a peckerhead in Italy. Clever bastard. You got to give him credit. He trained his damn dog to dump trash bags on the side of the road. There's videos going round and round of a dog walking down the road with

the bag of garbage in its yapper. It walks down the road to stretch and then it drops the bag off to the side of the road. And then the damn dog walks on back home to see if the owner has any more garbage to haul away. Trained his dog to do that. So, I mean, it makes sense.

So if the police ever rolled up on his property or ever retained video like they currently have, he can say, I don't know, my dog must like bags of garbage. How am I supposed to be in trouble. It's my dog who's

carrying my garbage away, but they found out that he must have admitted that he trained the dog to do so. It is impressive. My talk has an issue. I don't know what to tell you. So the jig is up. Listen to this year's statement made by a city official where this trained dog is spitting trash bags all over the side of the road.

I don't know why I'm I feel they need to include this, but it's just a hell of a statement, Josh. The city official said ingenuity can never become an alibi for uncivilization. Do you think that was AI?

Dude, I don't know. I could never come up with that sentence. Or maybe it's a translation. That's how they translated it. Wow. It's impressive. If this was Italian to English here. Dude used the words ingenuity, alibi, and uncivilization in one sentence.

That's big. So the local police are on to this guy's gimmick. Dude's going to have to pay a pile of fines. The dog was put down immediately. No. dumped on the side of the road. No, no, no, no. Yeah.

On site. But then they realized it, they put down the wrong dog. Oh. Yeah. That normally happens. Is this the one where they kept putting down dogs in the neighborhood to make sure they got the right one? To make sure they got the right one. Sports.

On the 93X half-assed morning show. Dr. Tom Hackett saved my leg. He saved my leg from being amputated. He saved me. And, you know, I always talk about everything happens for a reason, but if I hadn't torn my ACL, which I would have torn anyways with this crash. If I hadn't had done that, Tom wouldn't have been there. He wouldn't have been able to save my leg. Lindsay Vaughn, the downhill skier, right?

That's the lady. She said she almost had a leg come off after that ski crash. Yeah. What? How did the leg almost come off? Like Teddy Bridgewater, you know, when they talked about how, well, he nearly died from his leg injury. Was his name Alex Wright? Who was the quarterback for the Redskins back in the, Alex Smith,

Alex Smith, his leg almost had to come off. So everything was so mangled that it almost had to come off. Yeah. When it first happened, she had talked about everything was shattered, but now she's come out and said that if it wasn't for this doctor, she'd be one-legged. Alex Smith. Yeah, Alex Wright, Josh, was a longtime bass player for Quiet Riot.

Who's Alex Van Halen? Drummer for Poison. Pete Keaton? I'm sorry? Petey. Who's Alex P. Keaton? Drummer for Van Halen. Oh, that's right. Was it Alex Wright?

Quiet Riot, bass player. I need someone's help with the internet. It's Wright is the last name. Was it Alex? Played with Frankie Benali and Kevin Duke. Chuck. Chuck Wright. God, is he dead? Chuck Wright is alive.

He's alive. But Frankie Benali is dead. Kevin Dubrow. Carlos Cavazzo is still alive, isn't he? Carlos. Cavazo. Let's look him up. Alex Wright is a former WCW wrestler.

Oh, I remember him. Yeah. He had that dance like this. Are you watching? Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Carlos Cavazo is alive.

Plays with Rat, I think, now and again. Oh, that's a good band. Carlos Cavazzo. I didn't know that Lindsay Vaughan almost had a leg fall off. All right. What are we doing here? Timberwolves play tonight. Timberwolf.

Golden Gopher Fellers play tonight. Roll the boat, Scott, Yamaha, and go over Big Ten Network. I'll get out of the way here with this. We were talking about illegal garbage dumping a few minutes ago. I don't get it. People have been texting in saying, you know, Northern Minnesota, this is a real problem. People are too cheap to pay to have a mattress or a couch removed, so they just drive it out to the woods and push it down a hill, you know.

That's stupid. Here's a guy texted in. He drives from Cambridge to Wyoming for work every day. And he says he plays a game on his drive to work, Josh. The game is called How Many Toilets Can I See in the Ditch Today? Give us the highest number you've seen. It's a fun game for the whole family. Well, you said last week there were three.

That's a pretty good number. One is something I've never seen. If you're a 16-year-old kid and you're trying to get rid of evidence of a keg party or something, that's one thing. But you're a grown person driving a toilet out into the middle of nowhere and kicking it down a hill because you're too frigging cheap or too sleazy to do it the right way. You're already putting it somewhere else just drive your vehicle in a different way. You're already carrying the damn thing out to your pickup. Yeah, that's the hard part. That's half the battle.

Right. I agree with you. Is this like a home flipper? Why do they have so many toilets? Why? Yeah. Do they communicate this place? I'm going to become, I think Josh, as of today, I've become some kind of an anti-illegal dumping character. Like, I want to play a role in stopping that. What telephone calls do I have to make?

I'm not sure. I've got some stuff that I could illegal dump, but I don't want to get on your bad side. And it's fun going to the dump. I want to do some ads with the environmental goose or what? Who's the character? Who's the environmental character? Captain Planet? I don't recognize Captain Planet. That's not going to be the bear. That's wildfires.

There's Spanky, the, the environmental frog or something. I know there's a character. I want to do some ads. I don't know. Josh's news is coming up next. The 93-Ags Half-Azed Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, Pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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And it spells relief for you. Vince Colonais is redefining news talk. I'm Vince Colleenay's host of the Vince Podcast. I'm bringing you the truth beneath the headlines of all of the nation's top stories. In-depth interviews. We feature newsmaking interviews with the top guests on the whole planet. And I'll ask the questions you only dream of other interviewers asking. And a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day.

It's a show with an obsessive focus on what's good for America. You are going to love Vince. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X half-assed morning show. Nice. Nice. Nice.

A Florida Shire. My computer is not working. Oh, I'm sorry, Josh. Luckily, you've still got the skills that you were born with. This is very disappointing. You don't need to rely on computers and little audio tricks, Cubby. Well, I wanted to play some... Raw dog this pig.

All right. I can't remember exactly everything that was said in this audio clip. I bet it was... Well, I've never seen anything like that happened in our town. Nope, it was not. That's a solid guess. It is. But I can tell you, the out queue that I wrote down is on the...

their part. So just go ahead and imagine whatever he said ahead of that. We didn't expect this kind of thing. The sum bitch was so quiet on their part. How about, yeah, I don't know if I've ever seen that much semen. Lord knows I have. And then you cut to an older guy who says what? Lord knows I have. Yeah. Sounds like audio you might play for us, right Josh? Yeah, I could see all that happening. This is very frustrating. A day ruined. What a terrible day. This will actually cheer me up because there's a Florida sheriff named Gator. Gator DeLoch. He said a woman accused of holding two children at gunpoint and forcing them into her car last week could have handled the situation better, which is one way to describe it. The Putnam County Sheriff's

Office said the arrest of 68-year-old baby Hamilton followed deputies responding to a possible kidnapping. Hang on a second. There's one character named Gator and a character named Baby. Yeah, it sounds like somebody's writing a book. A mother said her son was fishing at the pond behind their apartment complex. This is Baby. Baby was fishing? No, no. A mother said

her son was fishing at the pond. That's Gator then. No. See, Gator's the cop in this story. Baby is the person that was arrested for kidnapping. I'm just trying to turn the screws on this terrible turn of events.

And we're introducing a new character, and that character is a mother of one of the sons who was kidnapped. God, if only under some audio to help his pieces all together. If there was audio, I can finger this out. Trust me, I'm very frustrated. I'm lost. A baby gator ate a mother? I think that's what he's trying to say. This is on me, and I understand.

I am not being very clear. A baby gator. What do you got next? What's the next story? Well, I wanted to finish the first one. Oh, I thought maybe we had ruined the first one. I mean... Sorry, we've had too much sugar and caffeine over here.

On the line, she could hear a woman shouting about trespass, but you know what? Let's just go to the next. Here's the following out cues. We broke him. There was going to be one that ended with victimized children. It would sounds, by the way, worse than what basically the lady gets mad at the kids and holds them at gunpoint and brings them to the kids.

their parents and say, hey, they can't fish here. A child under 13 would have been my next clip. That's how it would have ended. And the last one was the neighborhood constable. That's Gator saying, hey, she doesn't need to play cop. We're pretty good at this. The constable got involved? You know it's serious.

Well, he called her the neighborhood constable. Oh, I see. Which is demeaning. Is that the way he's like a given name? Baby? I don't know. That's what they put in the story. That's crazy to me.

That's what they said. Don't interrupt this one because this is serious. Seriously, sad. Actor, well, you can interrupt, but let's not do what we just did. Actor Robert Carradine died yesterday at the age of 71. His family announced he took his own life after struggling with bipolar disorder for nearly two decades. Robert, best known for playing Louis Skolnik in the four Revenge of the Nerds movies. He was also Hillary Duff's dad on Lizzie McGuire.

Oh, all right, that guy. His family issued a statement saying, We hope his journey can shine a light and encourage addressing the stigma that attaches to mental illness. Robert is the son of actor John Caradine. You may know his brother Keith as FBI agent Frank Lundy on Dexter

or the prolific serial killer Frank Breitkoff on criminal minds. His late brother, David Caradine, was well known from the TV show Kung Fu and the Kill Bill movies. If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts, of suicide or a mental health crisis. Help is available.

You can call or text 988 to reach the suicide and crisis lifeline. Support is available 24-7. You are not alone. Robert Caradine was 71. I loved him. That's absolutely awful. I didn't know about Lizzie McGuire until, you know, I was reading kind of more about him.

Yeah. Revenge of the nerd. Certainly he was awesome in that. I was obsessed with Lizzie McGuire when I was a kid. I am shocked to hear that. Robert Caradine, of course, Revenge of the Nerds is legendary, hilarious movie. I mean, that came out when I was 14 years old. That's the perfect age for that.

You want to talk about we rallied around Revenge of the Nerds anytime we had a free couple of hours on our hands. I've never seen it, sadly. But I have to say, if there's one thing that always comes to mind when Robert Caradine's name comes up, and God rest his soul, that's a horrible... Horrible story. He was a young kid when he was one of the featured actors in one of the greatest westerns of all time. And I've preached about this on this program for years. John Wayne's final film, I believe, The Cowboys,

where John Wayne gathers up a bunch of kids for a cattle drive, and they run into trouble and murderous bad guys and whatnot. But Robert Carradine has the legendary line in the movie, which gets me emotionally every time. Every time I watch the Cowboys, and you guys have to see it to understand it, and I'm upset that you haven't. Where Robert Caradine, the simple line is, we're going to finish the job. And if you see the movie, if you've seen the movie and you love it, you know the impact that that line has on the movie and on his character. So I think of the Cowboys. Wow.

Very sad to hear that. Not Revenge of the Nerds? No, I mean, of course, I already mentioned, yeah, I mean, that was so massive for us as eighth-grade kids. But the Cowboys is one of the greatest Westerns of all time. And he was a part of that as maybe he was 17 years old when he took that role. I'm just taking a guess at the year that movie was made. We're going to finish the job. That's for you, Cowboys fans.

Speaking of finishing the job, while I was – it appeared very careful. confusing in that first story, I think I got the sound to work. So now we can all catch up. Nope. Not where, oh, here we go. That's one. That's operator error. Here we go. Let's try this one. And in their mind, there was no wrongdoing on their part. And in my mind, there was no wrongdoing on their part. Like I told you, that's how it ended. The Second Amendment gives us the right to bear arms and to protect ourselves. It doesn't, however, give us the right to be careless and victimized children. That's Gator. When you force a child into your vehicle at gunpoint, does that raised the level of concern? It absolutely does. I mean, that's armed kidnapping all day long on a child

under 13. That original guy was a reporter asking a very stupid and obvious question. If there's trespassers on the property, the best thing to do always is to call law enforcement and let us get involved and handle that so that we don't wind up with some vigilante who thinks there being some type of a neighborhood constable. Talking about baby there. And that's gator with that voice. Yeah, that was gator. It kind of sounds like a gator, don't he? Yeah, uh-huh, that makes a lot of sense. is alive and well in Oklahoma, as evidenced by a Tulsa tool who broke into his ex-girlfriend's bedroom in the early hours of last Tuesday morning and threatened her because she wouldn't go out with them again. At 3.20 a.m., a woman called the Tulsa Police Department and told officers

her ex-boyfriend was threatening to slash her tires because she wouldn't go out with them. According to the woman, 39-year-old Brandon Daniels showed up at her apartment, and instead of whispering sweet nothings began yelling at her. Then upgraded his approach with a little window smashing, wooing by breaking her bedroom window and climbing into her apartment. Police offered an astute assessment on social media that read, this is not the most effective way to win someone over, and they were right. The responding officers found Daniels climbing out of the bedroom window, and when he noticed them, he screamed and froze, allowing law enforcement to detain him

and take him into custody. He pretended he's a statue there for a second. Oh, he froze on purpose. Yeah, he just froze. You don't see me. know what to do, I guess. You don't hear me. Romance is also alive and well in Kentucky because nothing says season's greetings like a 38-year-old man spiking his girlfriend's coffee with meth. The incident occurred on Christmas Day at a residence in London, a small town about 77

miles south of Lexington. The woman said she was drinking a cup of coffee while watching her child open Christmas presents when Sean Asher gave her an unexpected gift a freshly brewed cup of meth espresso. Why the hell would anyone want their girlfriend to be on meth? Yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean? Girlfriends are a big enough pain in the ass in the first place. Now I got a girlfriend who's on meth.

Maybe he just liked meth and wanted to share it. Asher said she was, quote, about to find out what he had just done. Then he told her he had put the drug in her coffee, which was grounds for concern. After the festive dosing, the woman went to a hospital the next day for lab work, and the results came back positive for methamphetamine. Asher also admitted to planting needles in the woman's car. What do you want to put? Bro. Just end the relationship.

What are you doing? Why you got to put needles in the car? I don't get it. Or meth in the coffee. A Kentucky man was arrested for having public sex with roadkill. Oh, no. Kentucky man? Yeah.

So while romance may be alive and well in the bluegrass state, it can also be gross and sometimes very, very dead. Hotest couple in Kentucky. A motorist spotted 50s. Three-year-old Alan Osborne engaged in sexual intercourse with the deer along a rural roadway, and likely after violently emptying the contents of his stomach into his lap, he called 911 to report some guy was banging a deer carcass. When law enforcement arrived, they found a disturbing scene, Osborne, with his pants down,

covered in deer fur, blood, and, quote, some kind of fluid on his facial hair. Along with the most damning piece of evidence, his dead deer sex partner that had just been stuffed. There was some type of fluid in his facial hair? There's even more disturbing details I have left out if this isn't gross enough. Can anybody help with that? I have no idea. Some type of... Like a lube of some sort?

Good Lord, that's the grossest thing I've heard all day. Osborne was charged with sexual crimes against animals, which rightly so is a felony. Court records show the buck effort pleaded guilty last year to public intoxication, and he copped to an indecent exposure charge two years ago. Wow, that is a tortured some bit. Yeah, that's a very, very scary man. Holy balls. Yeah, that's kind of gross, right?

It's killing me what that... Little bit. It's killing me what that fluid might have been. In his facial hair. It's facial hair. They're not sure what it was. Maybe he puked a little bit. Could be...

Yeah, like I said, there were some other details about his genitalia, which were pretty tough to read. Well, what do you mean? Well, you know, go ahead and read the story. It's pretty nasty. Cube's son O'Shea Jackson Jr. 35 today. Floyd Mayweather Jr. 49, about to get back into boxing once again. Billy Zane, known for having a great A-hole acting ability after his portrayal of an all-time A-hole in Titanic is 60 and George Thorogood. Still bad to the bone at 76. Lonesome, George, is 76? 76 today. I love that guy.

Happy birthday to Hollin Your Wood, Jesus from his wife and family. Happy birthday to Samantha Nicole, the ones that got away, says Uncle Lonsdale Jesus, and happy dirty 30 to Wisco Welder Jesus, and that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. No one can ever brainwashed me to make me believe that Sugar Brain Robbinsett and Muhammad Ali was better than me. But one thing I will do, take my hat off to them and respect those guys,

because those are the guys that paved the way for me to be where I'm at. You don't believe that Muhammad Ali was better than you? How? He only fought in one way class. Leon Spinks beat him when he had seven fights. They had never put a fight in there with Floyd Mayweather with seven fights. By the way, don't panic, Randy Shaver. No need to tweet Floyd Mayweather and tell him more. No need to tweet Floyd Mayweather.

I won't. That audio was 11 years old. Yeah, that's an old clip. But Josh found that audio Because, I mean, don't get me wrong, that comment is still ridiculous. He's a moron. He's a moron. That comment is still ridiculous 11 years later, where Floyd Mayweather would not, will not acknowledge that Muhammad Ali was a better fighter than he is, was.

Terrible, awful news. Floyd Mayweather, moron. And I hate to call Mani Pachial a moron because of his singing abilities, but obviously he's a stupid person too because the two of them are going to put together some kind of fake patty cake boxing match next month or something. Jay Cutler.

Yeah, big time. They still owe me money for the first fight. How's that? A lot of us, because it was a friggin' dance contest. And it was like seven hours long with the amount of undercards ahead. My buddy Hurricane, he was so excited for the fight. He got so drunk, he passed out.

I'm like, oh, he's going to miss it. He rallies. He wakes up. He rallies. He starts drinking again. to see the fight. He passes out again and still miss the fight. That's how long it went. I'm including the Spice Channel with this comment. The last Mayweather Pachial fight

that we ordered on, that was the worst pay-per-view experience I ever had in my life. And I'm including the Spice Channel in on that conversation. You mentioned Hurricane, since we're talking fighting here. Did you ever see the movie Hurricane? Oh yeah, very good movie. Dentel Washington. Never saw it. Oh, Nick, you'd love it. I'm sure I would.

I know what you're talking about, Dana. I ordered that pig, had a big part party in my garage. And people were asking, what time should we show up? I said, I don't know. The sum bitch starts at 7. 6.30, 7. When did those two pukes finally begin their fake dance contest?

Somewhere's around 11 o'clock at night? Yeah. Like 11.30. We will do that. We will do everything in our power. I'm going to make a promise to the brother and sisterhood. We will do everything in our power from here on out to ignore this upcoming event. Now, you never know what might happen.

One of them might get herpes or you know, I'm talking about, we might have to say something about, but we're going to do everything in our power to ignore this event completely because it's so frigging stupid and ridiculous. With you. How's Florida today, Randy Schaber? She's chilly today. Yeah?

Yeah, it was only 56 yesterday, and it's only going to be 62 today. My parents are down in Florida, my mom reported that it was 53 where they were, my dad still got in the pool and swimming. Like a true Minnesota. There you go. He can't feel anything anymore. He doesn't feel a damn thing from his eyelids down. He's just so worn out.

All right. 50 some degrees down there, you say. Just a short little cold snap, but it'll be back in the 70s tomorrow. By the way, before we dive headlong into all this jock sniff, and I want to thank the brother and sisterhood, the all-knowing, all-powerful brother-weatherful brother-we. and sisterhood. Earlier on in the program, we had a story of

illegal trash dumping. And I got to say that the story was very inspiring. I kind of want to become a character in the fight against illegal trash dumping. People were texting in saying, ah, there's always scumbags, dumping couches

on my property. I live in the woods. A guy called in from Cambridge and said he drives to Wyoming every morning for work, and he plays a little game called, I wonder how many toilets will be in the ditch today. Suddenly, I want to do something about all this illegal trash dumping. And I asked out loud, I said, maybe I could do some

television commercials with, you know, the character. Who's that character? And Josh said, Smokey Bear. I said, no, he's the fire guy. He's the fire. And the listeners were able to text in and remind me, Woodsy Owl. He's adorable. I never knew he had a name. Yeah, I didn't know either, though. Give a hoot, don't pollute.

There it is. Yeah, thank you, Josh. And I even got a little picture of woodsy owl. Ashley and I are quite concerned about his weight. Yeah. He's going on some type of diet. He's thin in some photos. I mean...

Oh, he's enormous. Ashley and I found a photo of him running through the woods where he belongs, of course. Huge head. Huge head. Oh, he looks fit in that. He looks super fit in that pitch. He goes through phases. Did he go on Ozempic?

Well, maybe he's eating all the... Probably everyone's doing it. He's eating all the trash, so that's not on the side of the... of the road anymore. The photo that Ash and I looked at, Woodsy Owl is just obese. Yeah, really let himself go. Yes, he had the slogan, give a hoot, don't pollute. I guess it's been

updated now. Now Woodsy Owl says lend a hand, care for the land. How far do you want to take this, Nick? Because there is the adopt a highway program. I don't know. What does that do for me? You basically adopt a stretch a road and you're in charge of going and picking up the litter. Well, me and Woodsey?

Yeah, you and Woodsie out there together. If I'm hooking up with Woodsey and we're going to go get maybe a couple of beers afterwards maybe I'll up and adopt a highway I'm an environmentalist now Josh well 10 beers in a wank Jesus said mr. Mackey apparently was attacked by Woodsy Owl in South Park no way what I don't believe Woodsy would never when was that I need to see that yeah we I think the station um adopted a highway many many years ago what in the world is that right yeah I don't think anybody did a thing about it. Yeah.

We found out afterwards. That was before I was an environmentalist. Yeah, maybe that was the edge. I can't remember, but I remember we found out afterwards that they had done something like that. Somebody's idea was to do that. No one did a thing. So we get a listener texted in and said he drives from Cambridge to Wyoming, I think, is what it was, and he seized toilets in the ditch all the time.

715 Wildman, Mild Man Jesus texted in to make this announcement. Cambridge is a ditch toilet. Oh, my God. Gosh, come on. Come on. I know. I'm not sure why this subject would suddenly come up, but these here are the top Minnesota high schools when it comes to pumping out football players who eventually make her to the National Football League.

I don't know if this conversation was started because it's tournament time now or something. No, it's a compliment to a different story about the 13 high schools in the nation that have produced the most NFL players. Oh, I included the Minnesota one. just in case he wanted to reference those. I saw the one on national high schools, and since none of us have ever heard of those high schools,

I didn't include it into today's curriculum. But, okay, so here are the top Minnesota high schools when it comes to producing football players who make her all the way to the National Football League. Let's go. Where do we go first? Minneapolis Central has had 14 players go to the National Football League. Creighton-Darham Hall, 12, Minneapolis, North Carolina. North 10, Minneapolis West, 9.

In recent decades, strong NFL talent has also emerged, they say here in the article, from suburban programs such as Eastview, Eden Prairie, Edina, Apple Valley, and Eastview. Yeah, East who's on there twice. That's how big we are. Recent notable NFL alumni from Minnesota high schools, Tray Lance. Go ahead. From where, Randy? Trey Lance Marshall. Frank Ragnan. Chan Hassan.

Had I'm feeling. Detroit Lakes. Blake Cashman. Eden Prairie. Boye-Moffey. Hopkins. Amani Hooker? Park Center.

He aced it. Nice. Additional schools with recent NFL representation. Larry Fitzgerald. Holy Angels. Yeah, why didn't they mention Lara Fitzgerald from Holy Angels? Maybe because he's an old man now. Well, actually, they go back a ways here.

Yeah, I'm surprised they didn't mention them in this article. Hall of Famer. He is a Hall of Famer. Additional schools with recent NFL representation. If you want to call it recent, they mention Chip Lomiller. Well, that's a long time ago. Woodbury High School. That's right.

Tommy Doyle? Never heard of them. Creighton, maybe. They say Adina. But I'm going to go with your answer. Oh, okay. I'm going to go with your answer. I'm going to forever claim he's from.

May not be right. Trey Pipkins the third. Apple Bell. Okay. Apple, that Chip Low Miller. I haven't thought of that guy in a long time. Terrific field goal kicker. Yes, he was.

He's like the fire chief up in the Brainerd area. Is he the fire chief? I think so. Or at least he was. Big dude for a kicker. When Chip Lohmiller came into the National Football League, late 80s, early 90s? Played for the gophers. Right.

After he was a golden gopher. He actually kicked for Washington in the Super Bowl, I believe, at the Metro Dome. Right here in town. But he was kind of a rarity because in the 70s and 80s, who were National Football League kickers? They were all 5'1 ex- Soccer players and whatnot, from Uruguay and whatnot. Chip Lohmiller came in. This dude, he's a big dude. He was the first million-dollar kicker in the NFL, Chip Lohmiller.

He's also a fantastic golfer. He can swing the clubs a bit, huh? Plays in my event every year. He's fantastic. Now, here's another breakdown. The best Minnesota high schools for producing big-time collegiate and or professional athletes in general. So not just football, athletes in general.

I'm going to read them off. I got 25 schools here. I welcome everyone to listen for your favorite high school and awkwardly celebrate its on-air mention, if you'd like. Or add in a derogatory comment about the schools or towns that you'd like to openly disparage. As we go along, I'm welcoming either way, one, Josh, either approach.

So these are the best schools for producing big-time athletes in any sport. Number 25 is Adina High School. The Cake Eaters, I'll tell you, they're not used to be in number 25. No, not at all. Not used to that at all. They all peak in high school. Is that right? I've told you before about how I was born to hate Adina and to hate Mena.

Minnetonka. Did I say I was born to? Yeah. I meant to say I was raised. I suppose I just left out a couple words. I was born and raised to hate Edina and Minnetonka. I'm a Wysetta guy. But then I had this binge drinking evening with Adina kids when we were in high school,

and I learned that I was wrong. I was wrong. We had a blast, and it changed my opinion of the Edina kids. We had that same type of moment, and I went to Eastview, which is in Apple Valley, so we hated Apple Valley High School. They hated us right back. We all somehow ended up at the same kegher one night, and we're like, hey, you guys are so bad. You guys are just like us. You guys are cool.

And then we all just kind of became buddies after that. It was tough to hate them after a while, after I drank with them. And then I saw so many fun things from Edina kids growing up. Their crowds were always so spirited. and I know that sounds corny, but, you know, sure, when we played hockey and football, we could draw a crowd, but every kid is wearing the colors, every kid is losing their gourd. They just, I mean, for instance, one night we were playing hockey against Adina, and sure, we had our crowd. I'm sitting on the bench where I didn't stay very long, as you guys know.

I look to my right, and here comes. 20 more Edina students coming in to watch the hockey game, all wearing green and gold, and they're carrying, five, six of them are carrying this refrigerator box. What? And they're hauling it into the arena. I can't help it. I'm no longer watching my teammates fail to break out of the zone

or whatever they were doing incorrectly at the time. I'm watching these kids walking, and they go up this long set of stuff. to the bleachers carrying this refrigerator box, and it sits there in the bleachers next to the Edina kids. And I'm still wondering, okay, what's going on here? The first goal that Adina scored, a student pops up out of the refrigerator box. They had a bunch of green and gold packing peanuts in there, right? And the kids only got a little pair of green and gold underwear's on. He's got no shirt on. And they all go nuts. And I said, I think, to someone on the bench, I said, that's right? That's

frigging cool as hell. That's hilarious. I couldn't hate him after a while. That's super cool. Just he'd hate to be the kid if all of a sudden or why Zeta pitches a shutout and he's in the box the whole game. That wasn't going to happen. Our goaltender smoked a lot of gong. Did he?

We weren't shutting anybody out. The 24th most successful program here as far as cranking out big time college or pro athletes. Totino Grace, a high school basketball juggernaut. Are they not, Randy Schaber? They are recently. Yeah, for sure.

That's where my niece went to school, but she did not play basketball. She was not an athlete? No. She's more of a into like drama club and stuff along those lines. Also a football power. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're always in the football tournament. I guess I neglected to come up with that.

23, Chaska. 22, Elk River. 21, Rochester Lords. 20, Hopkins. I've always said, if you want to go watch some talented young athletes, while also never quite feeling like you're completely safe, go to Hopkins.

If you want to go see some talented basketball players that don't live in Hopkins but open and roll to go play at Hopkins, go to a Hopkins game. And Hopkins is in Minatanka. Yeah, funny. Stillwater at number 19. Oatana, number 18. 17 Minatana

16 St. Thomas Academy. 15, Chanhassen. 14, Lakeville North. 13. The Academy of the Holy of the Angels. For a cubby, what teams did you play on there when you were going to Holy Angels, Josh? Well, I put up a lot of points there playing basketball.

I shouldn't say playing basketball during basketball as the guy running the scoreboard. Pretty much got every single one there. You put up a lot of points. I put up all the points. Did they let you letter in basketball? Wouldn't that be something? You know what, Dana, I'd turn it down.

I lettered in jazz band and I thought, I can't buy a jacket for this. So it would be the same for running the scoreboard. Oh, God. Number 12, Herman Town. Number 11, the finest town in all the land. Wiseada High School. Why is that a high school? Wise that a?

And it's high school. Again, now we're into the top 10 local schools when it comes to producing big, successful college and professional athletes. Number 10, Matamidae. I'm so deep and dark, Wysetta, that I don't even know where Matamita is. No. Number nine, Benild's St. Margaret's High School, whatever you call it, Catholic School. There you go. Huh?

My mic's not working. Is that where your kids went, Randy? Yep. Yep, I coached there and my kids went there yet. Eight, St. Michael Albertville. Sure. Yeah, a great wrestling program. Seven, Tweederville, otherwise known as Orono.

My dad had a buddy whose wife grew up in Orino. Of course, my dad's buddy grew up in Wizzetta. And they would always bust the wife's chops. They always said, ah, he grew up in. in Tweederville. Or no. Six, mini-haha Academy,

five, Creighton, Durham Hall, four. Lakeville South. Three, Rosemount. What? Yes. Come on.

Get out of here. Why does every Rosemount kid know how to dominate in football, it seems like? I don't know. These guys are so good. I stay away from that town. The top two high schools

here in Minnesota for pumping out pros or terrific college athletes number two, Mancato West and number one? Eaton Prairie. Didn't even make the top 25. Whoa.

Oh, wow. Was this kind of waiting for that one? Yeah, I've been waiting for it myself. You said Mancato West is number two? That's what I said, Randy. Wow. Maple Grove. Maple Grove.

Good for Maple Grove. I guess. I like Maple Grove. Nice area. Yeah, they got a good famous. Dave's. Yeah, nice strider, Joe. Hell, when I was...

That's where our minds went at. Yeah. You know, other cities have those as well. There's this nice, though. Where's it? Where's Eden Prairie? I thought they were the bees' knees. It's a little surprising.

When you presented the list, I thought it would go Cretan, Durham, Ian Prairie won two in one of those orders. Here's a guy with a hilarious question. He just texted in. What's wrong with Rosemount, he wants to know? Well, you don't know. Go look around. Drive through it.

Maple Grove. When I was growing up, the only things in Maple Grove were the happy chef and Jay Kuznows. I mean, shoot, it just seems like that town went from not much to one of the nicest towns around in what, just a handful of years? I'm telling you, it's unbelievable. It's so nice that Cisco lives there. Cisco. I love Cisco. The singer? Oh, yeah, we had him on the radio. And the only reason I really know much about it is driving out to Randy's event, you know, at the golf event. And like one year it was completely different where I thought I was lost. There were three lights. If you drove into Maple Grove in the 80s, there were three lights on at night.

Happy chef, Jay Kuzno's, and my cousin Donnie. Now it's like New York City. Oh, and I know there's a pile of boys' hockey section finals being played this week. So I want to say good luck to everybody but Minnetonka. And Rosemount, if in fact, Rosemount's involved. I don't know that they, I know Minnetonka is involved. Rosemont is involved. They are?

Yes. Sounds shady. They go up against St. Thomas Academy. St. Thomas Academy. Did they make the list? I can't remember now. Yeah, they did. Did you guys, did any of you watch the glorious gold medal hockey game, of course?

Yes. No, no, no, you didn't let me finish my sentence. Did any of you watch, and then in parentheses, you know the gold medal hockey game from Sunday, and then I continue, did any of you watch the gold medal game reaction videos? I watched some. Yeah, I saw some. They're great. The Canadian ones were a little more fun.

Oh, dude. I mean, the American ones were great, but the Canadian ones, seeing that side was interesting. It was fun watching angry Canadians reacting to the game-winning goal and the realization that we here in America now have birthed the more talented hockey players on the men's and women's side. Specifically, this was dealing with the men's game. Josh, I'm sure you saw this one young Canadian dude that I watched. And again, if you don't understand the concept of a reaction video, you point a camera at yourself, you watch a music video or a game,

in this case it was a gold medal game, and you just share your physical or verbal reaction to what you're watching. That's all I could watch surrounding the two girls' one cup phenomenon was the reaction videos. I couldn't watch the actual video. Those are good. The reaction videos were bad enough that I'll never watch the original. I've gotten to, I've gotten myself involved in this now and again, watching reaction.

If you want to watch interesting reaction videos, watch people react to the Queens-Rike song Silent Lucidity when hearing it for the very first time. They can't believe what they're hearing. Anyway. Yeah, I love those where, like, somebody will, like, a, Vocal coach today will go back and watch Sebastian Boxing 18 in life or something. And they'll pause it and kind of give their thoughts. It's awesome watching their faces how impressed they are. Watch people react to silent lucidity.

So one young Canadian dude that I watched just blankly stared at his television after Team USA scored the Golden Goal, as they call it. And the dude just sat there while chewing on his mustache. It appeared he was trying to remove his mustache. by chewing it off of his own face. You know, he's got that stupid top gun mustache that the young kids won't let go of. Some of those Canadian reaction videos were fun.

One that happened around here, well, I guess maybe you shouldn't call, I don't know if you call this a rea. No, this was just a youth hockey team here playing at Centennial's rink. A bunch of mites it looked like or squirts. The kids stopped their game to do some victory laps around the rink

when Team USA won. That was really cool. Yeah, some wholesome content. That's on 93X.com. That's awesome. You know, the ref blew the whistle when the U.S. team won the game and said, Go crate. Like a Jack Buck used to say, go crazy, everybody, go crazy.

Every parent in the stand was probably watching on their phones, having no idea what was happening on the ice in front of that. I'm sure. The kid gets carted off and mom and dad don't even notice. And here's what I thought, why didn't you just call that game off and have a pizza party for? for Pete's a good point. Who cares? I've heard ice time is tough to come by.

Yeah. That is true. Oh, yeah, it is difficult to... So if you haven't seen them, watch some of those Canadians writhing in pain. Well, the guy taking the chainsaw that the TV was pretty good. And there goes his TV. Like it's the TV's fault. Poor TV. That's one of those were afterwards you probably regret that.

That was an overreaction. Right. there was another video going round and around of a Canadian dude who Chana sawed his television off the wall. I'm not buying it. No, a lot of these are so forced now. It used to be a lot more organic, maybe like somebody's just discreetly filming

a loved one or something. But now it's like they know they're being filmed and they have to go over the top to go viral. I wonder that about some of those, like it's somebody who every chief's game or whatever, you know, got the superfan that gets upset at certain things, you know, and they always film their family member. I do wonder if those

are put on as well. Yeah. I do like the broadcast cameras that they have. Like, for example, the winning goal in the women's game, they had like the cameras on the two broadcasters as they announced. Like Kevin Harlan, there's times when Harlan and Reggie Miller and in the NBA games, they'll show those guys as he makes a call. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love that stuff.

a lot of fun. They're kind of all climbing all over each other when a really big bucket happens. You see their physical reactions. I think that started in the MMA, like a Joe Rogan, is it Joe Rogan that did some of the color commentary or maybe not Dana White or somebody where they showed those guys making the call of a, you know, like somebody getting knocked out or whatever. Yeah. I think that's kind of where all that. started. I've never watched a lot of that MMA. All right, so now that we're all done jacking it over the Olympics, I'm sure

hockey fans here in town are excited for the pigs. Thursday night, they have their first game back at Colorado. Man, right out of the gates. They got to play the best team in the I believe the best team on paper in the entire. And we've mentioned the trade deadline a little bit here and there. It's March 6th. And quite a few people texted in yesterday saying Jack Hughes, the kid who scored the game winning, he's going to be coming here to the pigs in a trade before that trade. The overall spin from New Jersey's locker room is that the devils aren't trading him. Have we heard that kind of thing before?

Sure. But, I mean, for example, the Milwaukee Bucks said they absolutely weren't going to trade the Greek freak. And wait a minute, wait. Yeah, they didn't. well they will though I'm joking there are some who believe the pigs

are going to go after Jack Hughes but most folks say it won't be for another couple three years or so when the peckerhead becomes a free agent so the focus now should be on signing that creepy older brother of his Quinn to a long-term deal

so sure a lot of people believe Jack Hughes will eventually be playing for the pigs but most of them say don't expect it to happen this season it'll be a couple three years and lots can change in a couple three years, obviously so. But look for the pigs to make some other type of deal soon enough. I do believe they'll make another deal probably,

well, I would say absolutely the forward position. I don't think they need to tweak the blue line at all, unless there are some injuries that I'm unaware of. I would look for a center, probably not going to be Jack Hughes. I generally dislike talking about anything NFL related this time a year, but I can't help but admit that some some of the off-the-field stuff can be interesting. Are we going to break down the combine?

Never in a million years. Oh, darn. That is too bad. Well, I'm turning my mic off. You guys take it from here. You would be doing that over my dead carcass. Breaking down the, how about this? The Green Bay Packers, with all their arrogance,

and the NFL in general, with all their arrogance. They think they can tell people what to do with their own hard-earned monies. The Packers have issued a warning to folks who own season tickets and sell them on the secondary market. Now, I bet those cost a few bucks, right?

Oh, I'm sure. And the waiting list, we've heard about those stories over and over again. So I say, once I hand the team all that money and trade for my season tickets and those tickets are in my pocket, I think I should be able to wipe my ass with them if I want to.

But the Packers think they can tell people what to do. So here's a statement by the Packers. Our season ticket holders are central to Lambo Fields' very ordinary and overrated home field advantage and game day experience. We continue to emphasize the purpose of having season tickets, which is to attend games and contribute to that atmosphere. Simply put, Packers' season ticket holders who purchased their tickets with the sole intent of reselling them should not be Packers' season ticket holders. The ball on these people. Yeah.

That's the way I look at. That's pretty ballsy. No, I agree. So the people who resell their tickets, their money ain't green? They go on to say season ticket holders who repeatedly resell their season tickets, whether on the secondary market or through ticket brokers, directly or indirectly, may have their renewal ability impacted without further warning. What a bunch of hard-ons.

That's ridiculous. The same franchise that charges, what, like $300 to get a certificate that says you're in owner of the team. Hey, Dana, one of my favorite comedy bits in the history of mankind. That is funny stuff. It is. Oh, they get to be on a conference call and listen in.

Whoa. What an insider. Covey, you hand these folks five grand for season tickets. Should they be able to tell you what you can do with those tickets? That would be pretty frustrating to get that email, certainly. And it happens every. I mean, it happens here. I have a buddy who's been a Viking season.

ticket holder for 15 years. He's never once been to a Vikings Packers game at the old Metrodom or the new Metrodom. He sells them. He sells them. Offset, helps us offset the cost. Well, this is the first, and of course, this organization, what do they call themselves again? The Green Bay Packers. They're likely not alone.

This is just the first time I've seen a write-up quite like this. Yeah. Where the sales manager, whoever is, is sending emails to season ticket holders saying, hey, if you sell them to somebody, we might cancel the pigs. You know, I don't, I don't know if something like that would hold up in court.

It might because. If somebody were to challenge that. There's cars that you have to sign something saying you agree not to sell it within a certain amount of time. Really? Flip it, yeah. I don't know if it's the same. Ford GT used to be that way.

Some guys have to be like invited to have an opportunity to buy it. John Cena got in trouble for it. Oh, he did? One more time? You buy a car and there's fine print saying what? You can't sell it within a certain amount of time, maybe three years or something. So they don't want you to buy it and then flip it and make a ton of money. Is that any?

Anyone surprised that Cubby's the guy that read the fine print? Right. And John Cena should never be in trouble for anything. I agree. Let me quiz here real quick. Josh, what is Chapter 6 of our company handbook? What's the subject matter? Well, the subject matter of Chapter 6 is regarding regulations for having a driver's license.

And you guys would know this because every year you have to send in a copy of it and we have to sign a document saying we won't drive drunk. Chapter 6 involves your driver's license and like driving companies. Company cars? Even if you don't drive a company car, you have to fill out this form. He's not making it up. Every single year. No, and that's true, too. They threaten to fire you if you don't sign this thing.

Yep. That's the threat. And we had a deadline. It's going to be fired if it's not signed. I blew it off like it's no big deal. And I got an email to say, no uncertain terms. If I don't fill out this document, I'm terminated. It was that section six or seven?

I can't remember. One of the two. Wait a minute. Now, I got a text here from Frame Electric Jesus, who's a 7-1-fiber. So he's a Wiscoe guy. And, wait, but Frame Electric Jesus, he sent a smart-ass comment. This is coming from people who pay 15 bucks for a beer at Target Field to watch the terrible twins with the five other people there, L-O-L. So what are you saying? What are you saying?

You agree with the Packers being able to tell you what you can do with your tickets? You want to take this opportunity to be anti-Mino-Sotan or whatever you're doing? We're not trying to insult your franchise. They're doing it by themselves. Are you just joking around? Are you really... And why is he going after beer prices? I don't know.

Is it a dollar of beer at Lambo or something? I'm guessing it's pretty expensive. They charge a couple beers so you don't want any negative talk about the Green Bay Packers? Get back to me. I got to know what you're thinking here. You think it's okay that when you hand the Packers, five grand, they can take them back if you resell the tickets?

You got me, I'm interested here, frame electric Jesus. Typical Minnesotan complaining about the... What? I love the accent too. That's great. Timberwolves playing in Oregon tonight, Randy Schaever.

Yes, against the Blazers. Yeah. Blazers are, you know, they're trying to become a much better program and they're getting there. Lots of young talent. The Timber Wolves and the Trail Blazers. Whoa.

Young guys, young talented characters on that team. Okay, I got my eye on them. I think it's on Peacock tonight, too, right? That's good. Yep. Yeah. It's going to be a problem. That's a problem.

I haven't found that yet. I don't know. Did anyone hear about Anthony Edwards the other day was saying that hotel rooms in Memphis are dirty and disgusting. and he once found fecal matter stains on his bed sheets. Yeah, he wants to poop, he said. He said there was poop in the bed when the team stayed in Memphis. Come on, what are you doing?

The wolves aren't at the Super 8th. What are you talking about? Yeah. They got to be at the fanciest joint in town, and there was poop stains on the sheets. That's nasty. What's the worst one you guys have ever stayed in? Worst Hotel Motel.

Oh, holiday in. Red Roof Inn in Milwaukee. The Red Rash? Mm-hmm. I've stayed at the Red Rash Inn. once or twice. I could tell you it was in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I won't name the hotel, but it was in Sioux Falls.

Luckily, there's two queen-sized beds in there. My wife and son slept in one, and they got bedbugs. I was in the clean one. That, absolutely. I'm so terrified of that. Bed bugs? I've never stayed in a crappy hotel, actually. I've gotten pretty lucky.

This one was pretty bad. I was in Sacramento when I was a kid with my dad. We were going to see a Kings game. We still talk about this. It's legendary in her family. The Sandman Inn, it was called. And I got a little nervous when my dad, not only was the door locked and chained,

but he put a door or a chair, you know, underneath the door handle. That's why I started to get a little concerned. We found a new hotel the next day. The Sandman Inn. I'm not going to call out the town because I like the town so much, but I once stayed in a hotel. The carpeting crunched under your feet. And I mean, the mattress was as, I think I would have been more comfortable sleeping on a loaf of bread.

I don't know. Crunchy carpeting, terrible smells. I've been in a couple cheap hotels where the smell was unmistakable. It was just unmitigated ass. Real dirty. There was one in Milwaukee that was really dirty. And I don't think anybody had slept in that room in 50 years. I mean, you try to save a few bucks.

right? You try to maybe choose a spot that's closest to the venue, you know, things like that. Right. Right. Right. Well, anyway, giant mentally ill 10-year-old NBA player Draymond Green backs Anthony Edwards' statements on Memphis having gross hotel rooms or troubled hotel rooms. Draymond Green said they were staying at a hotel in Memphis years ago and the sprinklers went off for no reason. That's kind of fun. Oh, how terrible is this? Tyrese Halliburton of the Indiana Pacers. He's already missing the entire season with a torn Achilles tendon.

Remember he blew it out in game seven. Now, I mean, he must be having a good time. He just sits on the bench and he knows he has the whole year off. Sure, he's a pro athlete. It's killing him inside. I'm sure not to be out there with his teammates. But to have the whole year off that doesn't sound so bad. But now does some bitch caught shit?

Ingles. Oh, I've heard that's really painful. Oh, yeah, no kidding. My friend's wife had it, and she was absolutely miserable. That's got to be, is it rare for a young person to have it? I think it's less likely, yeah. Yeah, less likely. Yeah.

My dad had it, and he was miserable. Oh! I remember him being a lot of pain. I keep wanting to go in and get those shots, but I forget every time. Yeah, I did it. It's a series of shots. Well, two of them. Yeah, two of them.

And I think when you're 50 is when they recommend. it. Yeah, I'm overdue for that pig. I've heard terrible stories about those shingles. Some folks, Ashley, they get them in the eyes. And then what happens to their eyes? They fall out. And then the eyes fall out. Golden Gopher Fellers Basketball Club is playing at the University of Michigan tonight at 730. Is that number one Michigan? I don't think they're number one anymore. I thought it was Arizona or somebody number one. They're right up there, though. I believe that ball game is on television, the Big Ten Network.

Oh, gross. It's Duke that's number one. Oh. Twins third baseman Royce Lewis had a disappointing season last time around. It says here he's gone ahead and hired a private hitting coach. That doesn't make much sense to me, Cubby. Of all the things he could be working on, he hires someone to teach him how to hit people in the privates? That's easy.

Anybody can do that. He's hired a private hitting coach. Yeah. I heard the guys from jackass. What a scam. He's going to learn how to, what do they call this stupid thing again? Nut tap. Nut tap.

Sat tap. Tipper. That's it. We call them tippers. No offense to Royce, but hire a hamstring coach. That would be the thing that we would like to see. How do you coach a hamstring? Stay healthy, man.

Boy, there's a lot of young folks who have had shingles. I mean, 13 was the youngest I've seen so far, but. Wow. 13. Wow. Shingles. We're all headed. You get them from sinning, is my understanding.

Yes, you're all sinners. Terrible people. Oh, man. Oh, man, we got a guy in our listening audience. He got double shingles. Oh. Yeah. More anxiety than here Jesus got shingles down in his area.

Front and back. Oh, God. Oh, back door shingles? I can't imagine. Yeah. That's not where you want him. Oh, my God. Miserable.

Bryce Harper, Major League Baseball player. I'm going to guess he's taking Muay Thai classes in the offseason or something, and now he wants to show off his killer moves in front of a large crowd, because this is the second time in the last few months that I've heard him say that he thinks there should be more fighting in baseball. So I think he's taking Muay Thai jujitsu.

Krav Maga or whatever that is? And he just wants women to see his front kick or something at the ballpark. Yeah, if you know that stuff, you want to use it. Yeah, right. He's trying to find an avenue to use his movie tie skills.

So he keeps saying, I don't know, I think we should be able to fight. It's never going to happen, stupid. So just let it go. Like the guy to college party that's hoping somebody asked him to bring out his guitar so he can show it up. God, really. That is so uncomfortable. How it's the worst?

Don't ever do that. Nobody ever asks. And like, why don't they understand? Stop doing that. Nobody ever learns. It still happens. I remember there's a guy in our dorm freshman year early on a couple of weeks. And he was playing guitar with his door open, basically like wanting people that think they're going to come.

Oh, hey, well, you're playing some Dave Matthews band? And my roommate just had enough. And he goes in, kicks to the door stop out and just slams a guy's door shut on him. It was unbelievable to see. We both lie silently still. the dead of the night. Oh yeah, more than words was a big one in high school too. Had to learn that one.

How does that one start again? To be with you. That's another one. How do they start up that more than words? The lyrics, I can't help you with any lyrics. Say that I love you. That sounds right. Not the way I want this bit to go.

Words, I'm mixing it up a little bit. Yeah, there's never going to be one-on-one karate fighting on the mound at a professional baseball. Hockey doesn't even have much real fighting anymore. The potential for serious injury to star players, this will never, ever, ever happen. I'm sorry, Bryce Harper. You're going to have to join the slap fighting league

or something when you retire to show how tough you are. Well, it's one thing for him to want to do that. You've got to have a partner that wants to fight you too. That's not going to happen. Bryce gets angry. I wouldn't want to face it. There's never two baseball players who are that angry. that they will go after each other full force.

Pretty rare. Yeah. Speaking of acoustic songs, you might play at a beer party to try to get laid. We already mentioned one earlier. Silent Lucidity. That's got a cool acoustic beginning there, doesn't it, Josh? Hush now don't you cry. All right, with baseball season on the way,

Dairy Queen just announced a partnership with the Savannah Bananas Baseball Club. So when you swing by your neighborhood, Dairy Queen, apparently you can get your hands on something or another called the Savannah Banana's split shake. They've gotten so popular. I was at Target yesterday, and they sell Savannah Banana merchandise at Target now. Oh, really?

Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, I assumed this was just going to be regional, but it's nationwide, the Dairy Queen Partnership. I like banana splits. Sure, why not? Oh, I like ice cream sundaes and ice cream buckets and soft serve and what do you call the blizzards and every damn thing. I like what they do over there at Culvers with

what do they call that? The custard? The cement mixer. I don't know what they're doing. I'll inhale. Concrete mixer, is that what they call? I don't know what the hell is. All I know is I get one a week and I lick the spoon until I'm exhausted.

Like a dog with a pup cup. I'm a junkie. I love those. I'm a trembling addict when it comes to any of that. I wake up. Sometimes, Josh, I wake up and I'm so hot. and then they take away the blankets. And then I'm cold and they add blankets.

Sometimes I'm hot and cold because I can't wait to deep throat. So go ahead. Swing by and get the Savannah Bananas Split Shake. Am I missing something? Someone helped me out. Are they coming to town? Did they already come to town? Well, I thought it was like an affiliate that came to town.

The party animals are right. It wasn't the actual. It was advertised as Savannah bananas are coming to town. Yeah. But it wasn't them as far as I know. They are supposed to come to town. I signed up for like the ticket thing, whatever that they got going on. And I believe it was for like a legit game.

Yeah, no, they're coming to town. Yeah, they're coming to town this August. All right. So they're finally going to play a real game here in town. I keep getting emails that are like, stay tuned. Oh, that's going to be a hard ticket to get. I know. It makes me so nervous.

And you know I'm going to miss the email, Dana. Oh, you know you are. And it's not even just. Target Field. Yeah. And it's not even just a Savannah bananas. because they got the local beach coconuts coming to town too.

I'm sorry, one more time with the other team name? Loco Beach Cockanuts. That's who they're playing. Locco Beach. I want to go so bad. Things are crazy over there at that beach. Jeez. Things you've never seen.

All right, Randy. I'm surprised they're playing Target. Well, maybe I shouldn't be. Obviously, they're so popular. Target. They'll sell that out. I'm sure. I'm sure as soon as the tickets go on sale.

Yeah, you've got to be like a My Twins member to even get in on the pre-sale. Whatever that means. That's all she, that's all we've got today. That's the only way the Polads can sell it out. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I forgot Dairy Queen has the Polad burger this summer as well. Yeah, but it tastes like.

The Polad burger with the Savannah Bananas Banana Shake. Low quality meat. You fart money. And you can't trade it. See you later, Randy Jaber. See ya. Half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off. your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bealky, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-com. And it spells relief for you.

Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. Most economists agree. Small amount of inflation is actually good. 2% is what you're going for. But why is everybody freaking out? Oh, because it's the fallout. People don't track their budget. You have this slow slipping that happens every month.

So all of a sudden you go, man, I don't have any money. The reason is now two people go to a restaurant. The bill is $60 for two. Two guys walk into a restaurant. They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60. Oh!

Stacking Benjamin's. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The Half-Ass Morning Show. Minnesota. 93-X! Oh, shut it for Pete's sake. Welcome to the Tuesday entry of the Half-Ass Morning Show. And we're just happier than all hell

that you've decided to spend some of your valuable time with us. You're a decent crowd. Decent crowd for sure. My goodness, did Cubby over there have a story for us earlier in his daily news report? A dude was caught banging roadkill. God help us all. That's about as horrifying and unsettling as a guy can get right there.

That's sick. The details were straight out of a drug-fueled nightmare. Middle of the night, cops catch a guy folding a dead deer in half. That's why I had to stop watching the movie Freddy Got Fingered. I walked out. Freddy Got Fingered? Did you ever see that? Oh, there are a lot of points where people have stopped watching that.

movie. Yeah, that, I walked out of the... It sounds bad. Yeah. With the title being the way it is, wow, it sounds like it's good for all ages. I thought Tom Green was very funny. And then I went and saw that movie.

I walked out when the roadkill scene happened. Okay, I remember Tom Green and he was hotter than hell for a couple of years on MTV. He made a movie? Okay, now that you bring it up, he made a movie. What was the, what happened in the scene that you walked out? He starts like, I think it was, I didn't see the whole scene, but it was like pretending to hump a dead moose or something like that. Yeah. The details escape me too, and I think for good reason.

The details of this guy banging roadkill. God help us. We're just. Oh, it was a deer, too, in this, in Freddie got fingered. Oh, the details of the story you told us earlier. He had blood all over him, this guy. and he had some kind of mysterious, what did they call it? Do you remember, Josh?

Fluid, I think. He had some kind of mysterious fluid dripping off of his facial hair. I don't like that. We don't want to know. It fascinates me. It interests me, but we don't want to know. What a hell of a story that's as dark and awful as it gets. What do you make of this?

It brought me to this. I found this information, Summers. This was all about a dare. Can anyone think of something completely out of character that you've done on a dare? No, not out of character, I guess. Yeah, I mean, okay, forget out of character. Can you think of something notable that you could share with us that you did on a dare? I mean, a lot of eating challenges.

I mean, I had buddies that would do really disgusting things or things that were like involved strangers, you know, messing with people. I never did that. But like just ones that just for myself, eating challenges are like climbing something, jumping off something, that kind of stuff I would do. I picked up a spoon at a public park, like off the floor and licked it.

Well, that would be the ground. Yeah. It was like, you know, like a cement slab. It was like under one of those pavilions. So you and some friends are walking through a park, there's a spoon in the park,

and you were dared to pick it up and lick it. We were already, We were playing a game of Truth or Dare. Oh. Yep. And yeah, that was disgusting. Wow. How old of a kid were you when you licked the spoon?

Probably like 13. Never played Truth or Dare. And the movies had always ended up in some sort of sex act. It always ends up with kissing, yeah. Even in real life? Yeah. Oh, definitely. That's why you play.

Disgusting, disgusting games of Truth or Dare. That's where I was going to go. I was never the Dare Me kid. I had friends who were big on that. They would do anything if you dared them to. That was not my game. But we played lots and lots of truth or dare as young people. And it turned into something outrageous.

So I guess if you were to ask me about something I did on a dare, we were playing truth or dare at a beer party when we were 20, 21 years old. And I was dared to, you know, just mill around the beer party completely nude for 10, 15 minutes. So I did that. Gross. I had a friend when we used to play

Truth or Dare back in the day we would conspire with each other, you know? Hey, you dare me to make out with your friend and I'll dare you to make out with my buddy who you think is really cute. Oh, yeah. That is an evil genius move right there.

So bringing us back to Josh's Roadkill story earlier. Here is a quick little anecdote on a dare. Somebody out there on social media, they say they saw a guy eat roadkill as part of a dare.

No, no. He ate it. You're risking your life. They didn't mention the animal. This individual ended up hospitalized for three weeks, vomited so hard, he got a hernia, eventually came down with sepsis and almost died. Jesus.

What did I say? Yep. There was another story in here. Oh, this wasn't about a dare, just foolish behavior with terrible consequences. Oh, wow, Josh, you might be able to comment on this. It was a young person who was recruited to be part of something called the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra. So someone with great musical talents as a young person like you. I would imagine, yeah.

Well, not me, but sure. You have to be pretty good to be in a symphony. Young kid, high school kid, not even out of high school. He's recruited to be part of the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra. My God, there you go. Your future is set. Yeah, sounds like a pretty big deal. This kid, though, saw his girlfriend dancing with another guy at high school graduation.

And in a fit of jealousy, he punched a brick wall, shattered a dozen bones in his hand, and was never able to play an instrument again. Oh, no. That's terrible. Think for a second. Think. I've never been angry enough to punch something. Like, especially a brick wall that might end my symphony career.

Didn't we cover this recently punching things? Yeah, we did. Yeah, I punched a wall in high school, broke my hand. Yeah, right. Talk about the drywall here that was busted for a long time. Somebody punched it. I knew a guy whose cousin was drafted to play in the National Hockey League. He was a top D1 hockey player drafted.

I remember it was even by the New York Rangers. And talk about, hey, Here's my path in life, right? But shortly after he was drafted, you know, how they're wired, big, tough college hockey cement head, right? They're having a beer party, and someone challenged him to put on his hockey helmet and run through that wall. And he did, and it broke his neck, and he was never able to, he was able to walk, he wasn't paralyzed, he was able to continue playing hockey, but the injury slowed him to a point to where the New York Rangers

were no longer interested. That sucks. I've had the drywall thing happen where everybody's punching holes in the drywall in the basement of a crappy college house. Yeah. And then the one unlucky guy, he's like the fifth or six to do it, he goes to punch his hole and he hits a stud and breaks his hand. Ouch.

That happened to him a buddy mind once. Back to that. Let's punch holes in this drywall. Yeah. Yeah, every 16 and a half inches or whatever. Paper hauling Jesus said he just went by a raccoon, didn't find it remotely attractive whatsoever. He avoided having sex.

That's a sign that you're normal. No, but it means more raccoon for the rest of us. By the way, Dana, it's the Mandela effect where we thought that in Freddie got fingered, Tom Green humped the deer. A few people are saying that's not what happened. What happened? He put on the deer carcass danced in the road. And then got hit by semi or something.

That does sound familiar now. I remember him humping the deer. No, he did. He did hump a deer. No, he humped a moose at some point because Eminem references it in the song. Oh, okay, yeah, I remember that maybe it wasn't in the movie then. He definitely did some type of follow play with a moose at some point or a deer at some point in his life. Okay.

All right. And then I'm not just making, because why would I make that? Right. No, I just think we're crossing Tom Green shenanigans. Thank goodness. All right, you bastards. Here's something else folks have been going on and on about. What's something that sounds?

It sounds impressive until you've actually done it. Now, I know that's a little confusing. I didn't really understand. You got to think about it. What's something that... I think what they're saying is these are impressive accomplishments, but once you've done it yourself, you realize it really wasn't anything special after all. I disagree with a couple of these.

I do, too. I mean, quite opposed to some of these. Yeah. As far as saying it's easy, even if you've done it. You've accomplished this particular feat, but then when it's all done, you realize it wasn't anything special. I'm with you, Cubby. One example here is running a marathon. Silliest thing in the world, in my opinion.

People who purposely put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and run a marathon. If I lived to be a thousand, you couldn't explain to me why someone would do that. But if you are able to do that, I don't know how you walk away and say, that wasn't that impressive. That's impressive. Yeah. I mean, everyone's run for one reason or another, maybe chasing the ice cream truck or for class or something.

And that's exhausting. Well, here's what one person says. Before you do it, running a marathon seems like a monumental, almost mythical achievement. Afterwards, you realize it's just a very long, painful, and boring experience that leaves you with blisters and desperate for a banana? What the hell does that mean? Yeah, because you're so hungry.

Got to get the potassium back in your system. Oh. I can't, can I have something other than a banana, please? Is there anything else? Yeah. Banana split. Banana only. For sure, dude.

Banana only. Okay. Again, everyone's different, but if I ever ran a marathon, first off, I'd like you to check my mental well-being. But when I was done, I would think, damn, I'm impressed with myself. Yeah, I just ran a marathon. This person says, 69ing. Sounds impressive until you've actually done it.

Yeah, same with shower sex. See, that's more overrated. It's just stupid. It's just stupid. 69ing has entered the conversation. That happened fast. Okay, becoming a manager. I have heard this one.

Sounds like an impressive accomplishment, but once you've done it, you realize it wasn't anything special. It says you're becoming a manager. It sounds like a promotion, but you spend most of your time solving other people's problems. Yeah, I have a friend who said that. So for him, it was a small pay raise and about 150 more problems to deal with every single day. Yeah, I would have no interest. I've seen it like around here

it's a lot of babysitting. It kind of seems. Wait a minute, Josh. You're talking like you've been on the outside looking in. Yeah. You've had to manage people around here and it sucks. I guess. Yeah. I mean, you've never been named a manager, but I mean, let's be totally honest. We have had to manage people around here over the years. And I guess I agree with this one. Managing. people, whether you're named a manager or not, managing people friggin' sucks. Yeah, I would never want that official title. No.

Plus, you know, usually you're not liked, and you're usually considered the dumbest person around, right? Well, you're considered the enemy, that's for sure. Even if you're trying to be as helpful and positive as possible, whoever you're managing will consider, well, not all of that. Sometimes it's deserved, but other times it's certainly not.

Not everyone will look at you as the enemy. The real childish ones will. They'll look at you as the enemy, even you're only trying to help them in the long run. I know very little about this, but getting a PhD is something that sounds impressive, but once you've done it, what are they, what is the verbiage here?

That's pretty impressive. See, I know nothing about it. You're going to school longer than I am. That's impressive. And that's just impressive already. I think the overwhelming vibe is just because you get a PhD, doesn't mean you're going to land that job that you PhD'd for. Right.

Sometimes, like, maybe people aren't super impressed with what you have a doctorate in. Right. Yeah. It says here, having people call you Dr. Uber driver only goes so far. So I think what they're saying is, I got that PhD. It didn't do dick for me. That sucks. There's more of these entries here for you.

And we'll see if there's any more that we disagree with. So I think so far, yeah, becoming a manager, like Josh said, I wouldn't want that title because it sounds like more problems. Getting a Ph.D., impressive, but I understand a lot of folks get boned and they never get the job they were going for. So far, running a marathon is the one we disagree with. I think, as silly as I find marathon running, I think that's a hell of an accomplishment. So these are certain little accomplishments in life, specific little accomplishments. in life that according to folks on social media, they sound impressive. But once you do it yourself, you kick back and say, well, that wasn't that big of a deal. I'm still impressed by the ones we've

listed. Yeah, me too. Marathon, PhD, especially. Now, one of them was becoming a manager. One of the items on the list was becoming a manager. Sure, it sounds impressive, but once you achieve it, Eh, you're not that pleased with yourself. Here's a listener who said, I used to manage a shipping department at 22 years old. I wouldn't recommend. I hardly made more money than... Here we go, this is my favorite part of the text.

I hardly made more money than the funky nuts new dummies at the warehouse. A little funky nuts running around. Sounds impressive until you've done it. Oh, yeah, I'll go along with this one. all the silly Guinness World Records that are happening. Oh, yeah. Yeah, some of them just shouldn't be Guinness World Records. I'm tired of that crap.

The Guinness Book of World Records has become a friggin joke. Oh, I hold the all-time record for most tampons balanced on my nose, you know, 170. It used to be so impressive. Right. Having a record, you have a record just because nobody thought to try that already. That's all it is now. Josh, I'm impressed by this. Someone says, once you do it, it's actually pretty easy.

flip on a BMX bike? What are you, an 11-year-old? I can't imagine that ever being easy. That's always going to be impressive. Yeah, that sounds super safe. Even if it is super easy, that is always going to be impressed. If you're older than a, I mean, again, like Josh said, I will always be impressed, especially if you are older than 11 and able to do a backflip on a BMX bike. Dude, I'd be terrified. I'd break myself right in half. Here's one, and we have conversations about this probably more often than any other morning

show in the history of radio. Enduring a colonoscopy, sure. You think it's this, you know, you think it's this horrible, terrible experience, and it really is no big deal. I don't know if you can call enduring a colonoscopy an accomplishment, but certainly once it's over, you will tell yourself, what the hell was I worried about? I was trying to think of my answer for this.

That would be my answer. Not that people are like, oh, my gosh, you got a colonoscopy. that's incredible. But yeah, it's the same thing, where you have so much worry and it seems like it's going to be so miserable and it's not at all. You guys have made me excited for the day. Well, we don't need anyone getting excited. Then it'll be a letdown.

There's a lot of positives. You get to be on E. When's the last time you've been on E? You're all cleaned out. And then you have the peace of mind knowing everything's okay. Or you got a heads up that maybe we've got to do something about it. It's totally not a big deal. Seems like one of those things where you stress about it for so long,

like I'll have some problem that's weighing on me, and then I can solve it by sending one email. I'm like, why was I so nervous about that? A good point here from Bookshelf Jesus on the colonoscopy. It's incredible if you make it through the night before. Because you can't eat. Oh, yeah, that's the worst part. All you can do is you suck down that horrible fake gatorade they give you

with the potion that makes you poop. Yeah, people talk about the prep. And, you know, I didn't think that was bad. bad, but yeah, the not eating can get kind of rough. You've got to make a morning appointment. Do that. All right. Here are some other accomplishments that folks say it sounds like something, but once you've done it, it ain't no thing but a chicken wing on a string from Burger King.

I'm still going to be impressed by some of these. Public speaking. Now, some people are horrified of the thought of public speaking. And for those people, if they get through 10, 15 minutes of public speaking in front of a crowd consider it an accomplishment. Yeah, I used to be really good at it. And then something, I don't know, something happened around, like my freshman year of college where I all of a sudden just got like really,

really nervous to the point where the last time I did a stage announcement, like I was hyped for it. It went well, got off stage, had to leave the concert because I was so sick from anxiety. Yeah, I mean, if you're afraid of that type of thing, and you go through with it, that's a hell of an accomplishment. Folks shouldn't blow it off. Building a computer from parts, I don't know.

That's incredible. I don't care who you are. Oh, I wanted to do that. I think, you know, I shouldn't say it's easy. I don't want to insult people that do it, but it was not as difficult as I had heard. Like it was, I shouldn't say I had heard that I had thought because it was more like plug-in play from some of this stuff. And I'm sure there's way more complicated and more impressive ways to do it.

I'm impressed. Solving a Rubik's Cube. I'm impressed. Yeah, that's still get it. me like I'm a little kid. Just take the stickers off. That's how I did it. Buying your first house. Now the point they're trying to make here is you get all excited

to buy your first house and then after that it's just nothing but work and repairs and money. I still get pretty excited when I sit on my couch every once in a while and I'm like nice. This is really nice having a home. I'm with you. I feel very fortunate. And I know not everybody can do it.

Yeah. All I'm saying is just the process of buying a house. If you get through that, that's a hell of an accomplishment. It's a little agonizing. I don't understand word one of it. I need someone with me the entire time because I find the process so confusing. Well, and the commitment, you know, you're making a big commitment to saving up the money and all the looking around and the looking around and the putting in offers getting denied.

The paperwork you have to sign. That's what sucks the most. It's a little anticlimactic because once you buy it now, yeah, you've got some work ahead of you. But I would never downplay that. That's a hell of a process. Isn't that the worst? Sorry, Dana.

No, go ahead. Isn't that the worst when you're all excited? Got a house. Here, sign this paperwork. You're so excited to move in. And then like three hours go by and you're still at this freaking office. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. God, I hate that.

Oh, like buying a car. Oh, yeah. Why does that take an entire day? I'm going to, just from now on, the next time around, I'm just going to walk. Honestly. When it comes to buying a place, the one time that we bought a place, you know, it was all exciting. They gave us a bottle of champagne.

We're excited. We walk in there and then we noticed like three things wrong. I'm like, oh, and I can't just call the front desk and have them come fix this. This is on me now. Yeah. That was awful. I'm sorry, Roastmaster Jesus. He brings up a good point.

We're getting a new cell phone. That's off. Now I just buy it online from like Best Buy or something like that. Maybe you're not getting as good a deal, but it's so much easier. Yeah. I hate sitting in that little store. It's terrible. Writing a book.

I don't know how you can write a book and then blow it up. off and say that was not a great accomplishment. That's another one on this list that's very silly. Even if it sucks, good for you for like, you know, writing 100 pages or whatever. Again, the commitment to something like that. And finally, right. And it will work. Finally, Dana, I know you know how to juggle.

Here's some bitch who says juggling is nothing. Three balls and a weekend and you'll be able to juggle. I can't juggle. And I've tried for a long time. One shift at Camp Snoopy and I was a pro at juggly. Yeah, see, I've never really tried. Mm-hmm. You get the hang of it quickly.

I suck at it. Trash. You're terrible at it. Just straight trash. I just lost a lot of respect for you, Ashley, that you can't juggle. Well, the next time, here, I got a solution for you, Ashley. The next time you buy a house during that three hours of paperwork, you sit there with three tennis balls until you come out looking like a circus clown.

Maybe instead of juggling, you could get involved in some jugging, Ashley. What is juggling? What's that? The ATM thefts. Oh, wow. Where you follow people, steal their cash, sometimes you'll break into vehicles and whatnot. Yeah, I'll get in on that. She does live in Coon Rapids.

Yeah, it'd fit right in. So you're saying there'd be a lot of people that could teach her? Yeah, a lot of mentors available. Yeah, maybe a neighbor. You see that plug over there, Josh? And I'm not talking about Dana. You see that plug? Let's pull it.

All right, here we go. I want to send our best to Chris. He just lost his job. So hoping you find a better one real soon. None your business, Jesus. wish in IPTV 645, Jesus, a happy anniversary. Happy birthday to Audrey, who's 15 years old today, getting a permit test from hashtag lifted truck life,

and happy 57th to Jebus, Jebus. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency,

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