93X Half-Assed Morning Show - "Stroke" and Seizure

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

Originally Aired February 19, 2026: Pickle assault. How you get a DUI while sober. Everything you wanna know about getting "caught" masturbating. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-H-Hast morning show. Ninety-three. What you're looking here. Winter has made a return.

Stupid. I was so pumped. I was getting outside every single day. I was going to the library every day. I had no, wait a minute. That's what I always do. When the weather improves, when the weather gets nice, I take my ass to the library.

I'm sorry, I should add some context. The library is within walking distance, so I'm taking a nice little stroll to the library. Gosh, when's the last time you went to the library? A couple weeks ago. And you guys give me crap for going to the library. I think the library's cool. I don't give you crap for going to the library. I do get on your case for going to the library.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I haven't been to the library. Oh. But I do go to the library. I had no idea it was going to be that bad here. You know, they kept saying North Shore. North Shore you're going to get destroyed. I mean, there was around Grand Moray, they got 34 inches.

Dude. Grand Moray, that's where I plan on retiring. Yeah, I can see why. Yeah, I mean, it was like a blizzard out by us yesterday. You couldn't see out the windows, nothing. We got way more than anybody had said. Depending on where you are, you could be ass deep. The wind.

The wind was so scary on the way home yesterday. You could be ass deep this morning. Be careful. Yeah, of course, we welcome you into a. a safe place here this morning, the 93X half-ass morning show. I was looking up some of the grim totals, 409 crashes, 25 injuries, an ambulance overturned in Invergrove Heights. Oh, my God.

A jackknife semis. I mean, that was wild. Nobody said nothing about that. I did get alert after the show. My phone's like, hey, just so you know, there's a winter weather advisory for your area. And I thought, well, that's not right. And that was kind of making funny about that. I'm like, oh, stay safe in Egan.

Gosh. I know. And lo and behold, it just kicked our butts out of nowhere. And I got punished, too, because I went out about 8 o'clock last night because it stopped snowing and I shoveled. I cleared my car off because I park on the street. I'm like, all right, we'd be good to go in the morning. Then we just got fisted again overnight with more snow. It's awful. I was going to shovel last night. It was the same thing. I'm like, well, this isn't even slowing down. The wind's crazy. It'll be pointless. I got to do it today now. No, yesterday me and my husband decided he goes, I'm going to go outside and shovel tonight. And we looked at each other and just laughed. I was like, no, you're not. Don't do that. And we decided that since it already got warm enough where everything melted on the driveway, we decided there's no more shoveling for the winter. Oh, you're done?

Yeah. It's February 19th, actually. How long have you lived in this day? I know, but that we decided that we were done. You're like it already melted once. We're done. I thought March was the snowiest month. Yeah.

And you're still done? Yep, we decided there's no more. There have been Twins games in April that have been snowed out, Ashley. I think we did that last year too. We had no snow on our lawn, our front lawn, none. It was all gone. And now it's a winter wonderland out there. Yeah, Mother Nature turned on us yesterday, Cubby.

So like we always do on mornings like this, a special word life and a word to your mother goes out to the plow dorks who are busting their balls trying to make a path for us mere mortals. Enjoy yourself out there by God. Enjoy yourself. I don't mind a good snowstorm or two when the temperature remains reasonable like it is now. I'm with you on that. Quite often around here right after it snows, the friggin' bottom falls out temperature-wise and we're all forced to try and scissors each other in a 25 below windchill. That's not fun for me. I'm the kind of guy that likes to go to the library. It's nice outside temperature-wise, it is. I don't know when the next round of real cold is

supposed to hit town. It's coming. The next couple days I saw. Oh, really? Yeah. A couple days? What are we talking? Like two, three days, I think, is what they said? No, I mean, temperatures. Oh, I just said cold front coming. It's a lot. going to be colder in the next. The 20s and the teens is what I saw. Oh, that's all right by me. I'm talking about that just brutal zero, 10 below. You ever try any of these tricks when she gets ass cold? You ever try using hand sanitizer to unfreeze a door lock? Apparently, that's a real thing. I've heard some of those. I've never tried it. I mean, I grew up without a garage, just like kind of what

you're in that situation, Dana. Never tried that once. No. Have you. had to, thankfully. I just pull so hard until the door is about to, the door handles about to snap off when it's frozen. Sometimes you just break a window. Yeah. Speaking of the garage, the house I grew up in and then lived in for quite a stretch of time as an adult, that garage door was notorious for freezing up on really, really cold days.

There was no such thing as hand sanitizer at the time that I was aware of. if I'm not mistaken, maybe someone can text me. A little trick my old man taught me, I believe I have this, because it's been many years. You'd spray a little WD40 into that frozen door lock, and that key and lock would go right back to work and normally. Well, you guys know me and how handy I am. I got WD40 on the ready.

I got crates of the stuff in the garage. I'm using it all the time. Well, Dana, I hate to break this to you, but having a jar at WD40 in the house doesn't exactly say that you're handing. Yeah, that's a pretty normal thing. That's a pretty normal thing. I know. I was being sarcastic.

I love that stuff. What says here, I do too. I like to huff it. Ever since I was a kid, I'll huff WD 40. If there's no beer in the house and I need to get a good night's sleep, I will huff WD40 until my eyes roll into the back. It smells delicious. In a pinch, they say hand sanitizer.

can help thaw frozen locks. Oh, because there's alcohol up in there, which melts ice. How about pouring boiling water on a frozen windshield? Yeah, you're not supposed to do that. They say don't do that. I've never tried it. I'm just asking if you guys have tried it. No, I have no reason to do that, I guess.

I've had an iced over windshield and used like a CD that I don't care about to scrape it off because I've got nothing else. I've had to do that before, or like a credit card or something. Boy, that'll shred a credit card pretty good. Yep. Gosh, I hate it. That's the absolute worst. We've all had that moment where you forgot to put the scraper or you lost the scraper, the windshield.

Yeah, I remember using a CD case. You mean a CD case, right? No, I was using an actual CD. Because I just had, I had like the book of CDs. I didn't have the cases. Yeah, I've used to CD case. CDs got a little flex to it. Was that helping or hurting the situation?

It helped. Yeah, it helped. It helped. It helped. It helped. You guys like CDs then? I do. You do?

Love them. You love CDs? It's more than just... I'm not going to do it. It's a great medium to listen to music. They say... All right, CDs nuts. Pouring boiling water on a frozen windshield,

don't do that. Folks have been doing it on TikTok. Of course, where everything is so helpful and so accurate on TikTok, they say the extreme temperature shift of pouring and boiling water on your frozen windshield can shatter your frozen windshield can shatter your. windshield for you. Again, when the real bitter cold comes back, these are supposedly some things that might help you, but they also might not. Covering your side mirrors with a pair of socks

overnight. I've seen that before. I've never done it. I've never tried that. It's adorable. Silly is a good word for it. Yeah, silly. Look like a little floppy dog ears hanging off. I guess I don't Okay, it says here it might look a little silly, but it works, putting socks or small plastic bags over your side mirrors, stops frost from forming overnight and saves time scraping in the morning. I've been around for a pretty good stretch at this point. I've never scraped my side mirrors. I kind of, if they're frosted up, I just give up on them for the day. I have.

Yeah, I definitely have. It's been a long time. Like I said, if they're frosted up, I just say to myself, well, I'm not going to use the side mirrors today. I'll just look straight ahead or straight behind me, I guess. That's one you should try, okay? Try that if you can't. Don't rub potatoes on your windshield to prevent frost.

Yeah, I was wondering where this one came from. I hadn't heard of this one either, Josh. Yeah, a lot of them you've probably heard, right, or heard not. Somebody's told you, don't do that. The potatoes thing is news to me. I mean, I had a friend who used to use his whole family would, used potatoes as deodorant. I'm sure you've heard that before. Hippy dippy stuff. Yeah, they didn't use, they didn't use deodorant, but they did

use potatoes. All right. I would never eat any scallop potatoes or any potato product at their house, that's for sure. I don't know where it started. Here's one tip I'll give people. For about 20 bucks on Amazon, you can get a windshield cover. That really helps with the frost and the snow overnight. A windshield cover. Yeah, never bought one of those either. It seems like a good idea. Yeah, I've thought about getting one just so when I get in, it isn't a million degrees in my vehicle. Oh, yeah, it helps in the summer, too. I only use in the winter, though, but it's real slick.

He's talking on the outside, Ashley. Yeah, uh-huh. I have almost, you can get ones that you put on the outside, too. For the sun? Yeah, for the sun. Oh, I haven't seen that. Rubbing potatoes on your windshield to prevent frost. That is bunk.

doesn't work. They say it's a viral myth. The starch might delay ice slightly, but then it leaves a sticky film that's worse to clean up than regular old ice. But go ahead. Try this one. No harm in this one, apparently. And this one also brand new to me.

Filling a sock with cat litter. And then I believe I have this correct. Then you put that sock filled with cat litter on the dash of your motor vehicle on the inside, and it helps stop foggy windows. They say the cat litter draws moisture out of the air, which can help your windows to be fog-free from the inside. Something I've always done is put my windshield wipers up,

and, you know, if I know there's going to be snow. But I read an article not too long ago. Maybe it was that same article saying, don't do that. It's bad for your wiper blades. Have you ever heard that before? No, I always... Or the mechanics of it? When I see that your windshield wipers are up, I'm like, oh, shoot, I should do that.

And then I immediately forget. But I guess maybe I'm the smart one in this situation, I guess. I did recently hear that that is not an ideal thing. The only reason why I ever lifted my windshield wipers vertically up in the air during a snowstorm, The only reason why I ever did it, Josh, was because I came to work and saw that you had done it. See, exactly. It's just something I've always done. Always.

See, I only did it once or twice just because I saw that you were. And I don't remember if I enjoyed the end result or not. I just copied you twice in my life. Yeah, I mean, it works just for getting all the snow out, right? So you just, and also, hopefully the wipers don't freeze to the windshield or anything like that. Yeah, you'd think that that would be worse for them To have them freeze through the windshield than put them up I'm sure for the rubber

It's bad, but yeah, somebody Or no, I read that that just said, hey, don't do that It's bad for the mechanics. Maybe if there's a... Oh, wow. Okay, so texts are coming in, let me see. I got a text that came in that said, Okay, when you're stuck in traffic with a cold brown,

you can always use that kitty litter That's up on the dash of your... Yeah, I never thought about taking a dump in my own car with some kitty litter Super Louber, Jesus said When you lift the wiper arms, it's hard on the springs Which keep the blades against the windchial You said hard on

All right, so there you go Snow event overnight Like I said, depending on where you're at You might be ass deep, good luck 14% of Americans have given something up for Lent I'm not the most religious guy in town Not by a long shot But from what I'm reading here yesterday

was day one of Lent Ski, and 14% of Americans are giving something up. It's 40 days. Yeah, yeah, that was always something we did as kids, you know, growing up religious. And I kind of like the sacrifice, to be honest, to see if I can do it or I feel like it's good to every once in a while. So what are you doing? Well, you know, you give up meat yesterday and then on Fridays. At least cat. You don't eat a lick of meat between now and Easter.

No, no, no, like, Ash Wednesday and Fridays. So on Fridays you don't eat meat, right? Oh. Right, that explains the fish fries. Yeah, so, exactly. That does. That's right. It's not each of those 40 days.

No, just Fridays. Just for, okay. Which, you know, in a way, is kind of cheating if you love the McDonald's fillet of fish like I do. It's almost a treat. Right now I've got an excuse to go get some filet of fish. And, but then, you know, usually like, when we were kids, we'd give up desserts or, you know, like maybe your favorite whatever.

Or something, you know, people will give up pretty much anything. Just whatever they, something they really enjoy to make a sacrifice. So there are some things that you Catholics would give up all 40 days. All 40 days. Yep. Derserts. And you really stuck by that as a kid? Yeah, I still do as an adult.

Because of the fear of God. The fear of spite and also just the idea of making a sacrifice, you know? We were talking religion off air yesterday, weren't we? We were. varying opinions. Faring levels of belief, varying fears of God. Pretty wide range. It's not just food related, it says here.

You know, Lent has evolved. It's not just food related. Oh, some folks try to give up their bad habits. Like tobacco or alcohol or television. or social media. They try to give it up for the smooth 40 days. I'd be so bored. Social media, for some people,

almost seems like it's more difficult to quit than smoking or alcohol. And you hear how difficult that is to quit. I mean, they just couldn't do it. I mean, Dana, at one point, you were in that category. At one point, yeah. Say I saw a movie. Like, I went inside it down in the theater

and I'd get on my phone. I'd have to go back and see every single tweet that had been seen. sent in my feed from the time the movie started until I got caught up on everything. I was that addicted to it. Where are you at now? I check it mainly just to see what's going on in the world. I don't post much anymore as much as I used to.

I've kind of kind of curbed it a little bit. But there's no way you could go without looking at it for 40 days. No, that'd be tough. Especially here because I... Well, no, eliminating that. Oh, eliminating that. Let's say you're just an average human being living in your parents' basement or something. There's no way you could give it up for 40 straight days.

I'd have to start bringing my Game Boy into the toilet again like I used to. Now I just kind of scroll on social media when I'm sitting there. I keep, you used to keep a Game Boy in the toilet? Yep. I still keep my Yotsie machine. Do you still have that? It recently broke. It was Tetris for a while, wasn't it?

Or was it always Yotsie in the back? I always played handheld Yotsie in my bathroom. It recently broke. Now I'm just left with the 1982 of, handheld poker game. Sure. Yeah, so, you know, people are trying to lay off on this

and that for fear of God. Did anybody see the awful Josh Hartnett movie 40 Days and 40 Nights where he gives up sex for Lent? It's killing me Dana to this day, but no, I haven't seen it. That sounds ridiculous. To this day, it's killing me.

I'll let you borrow the Blu-ray. 40 days and 40 nights starring Josh Hartnett where he gives up Sex for 40 days. Yes, for it. So his character, he's the big hornball. He's the ladies man, and he gets challenged to give it up for Lent. And he does.

And, of course, then he meets the cute quirky girl who's, you know, very sexual. And he has to keep, like, trying to avoid having sex with her because he can't explain. Who plays that character? I can't remember. She was really cute, though. Yeah? And I do like Josh Hardin. This isn't a knock on him.

Nobody likes Josh Hartnett. Oh, I think he's great. You don't have to pretend to like Josh Hartnett. I do. He's a good. He's very. Very good. Claim to Fame?

Yeah. My wife was friends with him in high school. Oh, for Christ's sake. She said he was a bit of a loner in high school. Lone wolf? Yeah, a lone wolf. Who was the actress that played the quirky, sexually active girl that Josh Hartnett had to try to avoid for those 40 days and 40 nights? I got to know.

Yeah, she's a no. Not a nobody, but you wouldn't have heard of her. Her name is Shannon Sosamon. Dude. Looks like she's more of a singer than an actor. But anyway. Oh, like J-Lo. Uh-huh.

I liked 30 days of night with Josh Hartnett. Which one was that one again? Nobody likes Josh Hartnett. That's not true. I don't know why you guys want to pretend to... Oh, that kid, yeah. I'm sorry. What was the name again?

30 days of night. No, the actress, I'm sorry. Oh, Shannon S-S-S-A-Sos-M-N-Y-N. Shannon. But it's a weird Shannon. It's S-H-A-N-N-Y-N. Oh, my damn. She was really trying to gain some attention.

S-H-A. I'm sorry this is taking so long. N-N-Y-N. Y end. Okay, here we go. I can click on it. I got to know. Oh, I recognize her. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like, you got a unique, sexy look to her. Yeah, that short hair kind of works. 30 days of night, you said Josh. Yeah. starring Josh Hartnett. Correct. Who nobody likes. No, I think we've established that three out of four people on morning shows like. Yeah, yeah. Three out of four people in morning shows agree. Oh, that's when he was dodging vampires.

Yep. Did you see that one? In the bitter cold. Correct. He's a snowplow driver in Egan or something. Yeah, you're pretty close. Isn't he a snowplow driver? I thought he was a cop, but I guess I don't remember. Maybe he was a snowplow driver.

Yeah, I remember, I just remember bits and pieces that they were running away from vampires. I couldn't tell you if I enjoyed it or not. But who was it again, Josh Hartnett? Yep. Well, then I likely didn't enjoy it. Because of Josh Hartnett. Right. Happy Lent, everybody.

So, Josh, did you say, is there something officially that you're giving up this for these 40 days? Yeah. Anal. No, no, no, no. I'm starting anal. I need something to replace. You've started a bad habit?

So have I. What's that? Self-mutilation. Really? Yeah. I'm really into it. Well, finally. Yeah.

Right. You finally talked me into it. We're the Scar Brothers. Oh, my God. Which is a play on the Sclar Brothers, which maybe you haven't heard of. We need to talk. It's a deep reference.

Yeah, it's kind of a deep reference. So what was Dana asked you? I'm giving up diet due. Diet mountain. That's been your go-to goal. How should I say this? You have attempted to quit soda pop for many years. Yeah, I go through phases.

Yeah. Where, like I'll go, boy, I'm drinking a lot more than this than I should. Wait, I think I remember on Tuesday after the show, you were very excited to get a diet due. Did you know that that was going to be your last one? Yeah, it was my last one. Oh, man, I'm glad I got to be there for that. It was my last sipper? And I think was it yesterday?

You were like, ah, I should have went and got a diet due during one of the breaks. Well, no, I knew I couldn't. That would have been your last one. No, I couldn't on Ash Wednesday. I had to start. Oh, that was the start? Yeah. So Diet Mountain Dew.

You can go ahead and have a diet, you can go ahead and have a Pepsi. Is that what you're doing specifically? No, I'm not adding anything, but I'll just, whatever would be a normal amount of anything else I'm going, but Diet Thu is like my absolute favorite. You're quitting that for 40 days. No. Wait, yes. Yes, I'm sorry. I confused myself.

You know what Josh Hartnett gave up on years ago? What's that? Acting lessons. Did he really? He's terrible. Well, he might not be revered as an actor, but he's a likable guy, I think. I hear he's very kind. I'll watch it.

You know, a lot of... I have no idea why I'm doing this. But once you start, you can't stop. Now I've got to stand by this until the day that I die. If people approach me on the street and say, do you like Josh Hartnett? Now I have to say no. Even though I really had no direct opinion of them until this show began.

Now I have to stand by this forever. I can't punk out now. I like the commitment. Yeah. And good luck to you, Cubby. Thank you. Yeah, that's kind of difficult for me. God, I love that stuff.

There's water in there. F you. Is there flame retardant? Sure. But is there also water? Yes. So it's healthy. Yeah.

I really believe that my addiction to Pepsi and Mountain Dew when I was a younger person, I really do believe it probably squeezed a good five years out of my lifespan. It was that bad? Yeah, I'd imagine. Woo-wee. Is that what you said? maybe had a part in leading to your heart condition? I have no doubt that it started my irregular heartbeat issues.

No doubt. How many cans were you going through a day, would you say? See, I don't think it's anything that would make you vomit, but maybe it would. I mean, specifically when I was like an eighth grade kid, it was the first thing I sucked on in the morning was an ice cold can of Pepsi. That's crazy. I didn't get into the Mountain Dew until I was a little older, but Pepsi and I ice cold can of Pepsi.

I likely wiped out a 12 pack a day. Whoa. Oh, yeah. I've definitely been there. And then when I got a little older, I turned to that mountain screw. And, I mean, that in chewing tobacco is all that kept my blood flowing through my body for a good few years.

Did you ever mess with the jolt or the kick? Some of those extreme caffeine sodas? All the sugar and twice the caffeine, was that jolt? I think so. I can't remember. Maybe it's not jolt. Never really appealed to me those offshoot. Yeah, I mean, either. I remember it was a big deal to get your hands on them when we were kids

and we'd ride to like the one gas station that had them. And I remember just pretending to like it, but it tasted awful. My uncle worked for Coke and so he would get, like, for very cheap cases of, like, damaged cans of pop. And unfortunately, it was always like tab. Oh. So we'd have just tab covered in syrup and just dented cans that are almost impossible to open. And that's all we had.

My parents would never buy. Well, I'd take that back. Like, maybe on a holiday or something, they'd get that off-brand strawberry pop. Shasta? No, not even that. Oh, dude, I loved Shasta. Cola. It was just like a white and then eventually a yellow wrapper that just had, you know,

it would just say whatever was in there. Generic pop. Yeah. Orange pop. I love the generic names. It's called like Mountain Fizz or something. We know what you're doing. Did everybody's mom have like a sick obsession with either Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke?

My mom drank caffeine-free diet coke when I was growing up. Yeah, that's such a mom thing. My mom's was Diet Pepsi and then she made the bold decision one day to change to diet Coke. It was a huge deal in our house. I like to pair them with different things. I'm a connoisseur. Oh, you have the soda pot. You asked about moms.

My mom drank a piss load of tab in the 1980s. Yeah, that's my parents or my mom and grandma not. That just doesn't sound good. If I had a dime for every morning I woke up, well, afternoon. actually, where I woke up and saw 810 empty tabs, cans of tab on the bar and a full ashtray of dead cigarettes. I mean, I'd be a millionaire. That's what my mom would do. She would sit and drink tab.

This is before she really got into the booze. She had a drink now and again, but her drinking didn't really take off until she retired. Like a jack and tab or something like that? Did she? Vodka. Vodka? But anyway, when I was a kid, though, before she got into the drinking big time, there was always six, eight, empty cans of tab and a full astray.

That meant mom spent the night playing boggle. She liked to play the word game, Boggle by herself. All right, so Serge, I knew I'd screw it up. I screwed up every time. All the sugar, twice the caffeine. People are saying, Serge, thank you for the help. Yeah, that was a big deal when I was a kid growing up. And thank you to Disabled Jesus.

He said because I'm going to give up Diet Due for Lent, he's just going to drink more of it to make up for it. Thank you so much. Wow, what a sacrifice. Yeah. I was going to say, would I be a dick if I came into your studio after the show each day and just cracked open a nice ice cold diet due? No, I've been down this road.

Why? I know I can handle it. I got to ask you now. Why diet pop? Well, because the amount I drink, I would have diabetes. That's pretty much. And that's what I grew up on. Like I said, it was like tab.

Diet like diet pop. I've never had a diet pop in my life. You haven't? No, I don't understand why diet. Like I said, that's just kind of what we grew up on. And I was just asked the other day the most when I was at my worst, or best, depending on how you look at it. Remember I used to drink two, two liters of diet dude during a morning show?

I remember when you used to drink a lot of mountain. Your poor body. I wouldn't turn down, I wouldn't turn down a run. when I was a kid. I never had a Rondo. What in the world? The thirst crusher, Rondo. They didn't last long, but they had a real,

real flavorful pop there in the mid-80s. They had a commercial where some hippie was skiing down a hill in the summer. You ever seen anyone ski down a hill in the summer? No. That was part of the television commercial for Rondo, some bearded hippie ripping down. He's skiing. There's no snow.

It's summertime. That's crazy. I couldn't believe my. eyes and I said I got to get my hands on some of that. Rondo. It looks like beer. Is it still a thing? No, I don't know. I just looked up images of it.

That's so weird. Why does it look like beer? Oh, cripes. All right. What else is going on? I'm replacing Diet Doe with four local, but not the current stuff. The original. Yeah, where you can still buy the original recipe on eBay, the people that bought it up and

hoarded it? Oh, can you really? Yeah. Don't do that, Josh. I remember I had a guy basically like opened the trunk of his car. He's like, hey, come here, kid. Let me show you this. What?

The original. The OG. Yeah. You know, the diet pop thing. I once tried diet, I'll get there in a minute. It escaped me. I once tried diet salad dressing. And I said to myself,

this is worse than that Josh Hartnett movie I saw. I don't like that. Well, you drink like, I guess you could call it diet gatorade. I was going to bring that up. So, yeah, you do drink. I mean, not diet pop, but a diet drink. I guess. It's called Gatorade Zero?

It doesn't have like, you know, the insane amount of sugar. Oh. So it's not like overbearingly sweet. That's, I can't drink regular. I don't drink soda. Gosh, maybe like two a year. But when I do, I can't drink regular soda because it's just so syrupy and thick and sugary. You ever tried diet salad dressing?

It's awful. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. I've done that before. I accidentally bought like low fat. ranch at the store because I wasn't paying attention. Oh, that'll start a war in my house. I'm like this person here. This person also grew up on Diet Pop, didn't have sugary foods, doesn't, not a sweets person. I'm not either. And so like some of the regular stuff is too much for

me. But like why did you switch just for to lose some weight or when you switched from regular Gatorade to like Gatorade Zero? Oh, I don't really remember what was behind it. It wasn't like I said, I need to slim down or something. I think my wife bought it. Bought a six pack of it. And I don't even think I could tell the difference. So, yeah. Oh, I can definitely tell the difference between the regular stuff and that.

Well, there you go. Sometimes if I'm feeling a little crazy, I'll get the regular Gatorade. Dude. Uh-huh. We got to get going again. It's a snowy, wintery, wonderful thing. We got going out there. Be careful driving.

We don't want to lose any of you. When we return, we'll hit up that. But stupid news report here on the half-ass morning show. The 93-X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too.

An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheeding.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. or go to Bialki law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. Next role with Vernon Davis, the transformative journeys of athletes, artists, and entrepreneurs. Ladies and gentlemen, lights out, Sean Merriman. I want to be the biggest and the best one I do. And so whatever it takes, I'll get it done in business and everything else. All I do is know how to fight and earn what I want. My man.

Malik asks, what actor, comedian, what you want to collaborate with? Me, Jamie Foxley, Kevin Hart, in a movie. We said it on Vernon Davis podcast then, so we'll circle back and be like, yep, they're going to clear. Next roll with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. The acid rock. When you hear that acid rock, you know it's time for today's stupid news report. But before we, you know, caught loose with that, winter has returned if you haven't looked out the wind yet.

Hang on to your ass out there. The grim reality is a lot of you aren't going to make it. But earlier on, we were talking about the weather. We got to talking about, you know, when's the next real cold snap headed our way. And we got onto the conversation of some cold weather tricks to make your life easier. One of them was this, and I guess this is a proven real thing.

You go on outside, and you pull a pair of socks over your side mirrors, and they won't frost up in the terrible cold. You wake up the next day, you pull those socks off the mirrors, and you got beautiful, clean. One of our listeners, a sprinkler fitter Jesus texted in, and he said, I got some big-ass toe mirrors on my pickup truck. I'm probably going to have to use the old lady's underpants. To cover those pigs up, he said.

Look, dude, we don't want to hear your problems. Josh said. I didn't, no. Not me. That was Dana. We're going to begin today with your typical everyday, hilarious, domestic type of meltdown, where food was involved. It's very common.

very common. You ever been so pithed that you side-armed a food item at somebody or another? Never have. I mean, I've been involved in food fights where everybody was in on it. No, no, domestic. Yeah, no, nothing like that.

I've never thrown something at another person out of anger. I've been frustrated. The only thing I've ever thrown, I mentioned my wife and I were playing dominoes. She dominates at every game ever. Any game ever invented, she wins. and I got frustrated one time and I'm still embarrassed by it

where I whipped a domino at the wall and then said immediately I may have overreacted after she won about the 14th game in a row. I really wish I was there for that that would have been fun. I'm not even competitive I mean I don't really care. Usually I just go, ah, you know what, they killed me

on that one. But for whatever reason that day I just couldn't handle another loss. Josh finally had enough. What about the rest of you? Throwing food around. Not that I remember. Temper tantrum where food got thrown across the room. Nothing?

Never thrown food or had food thrown at me. I've had other things thrown at me, but not food. Honestly, I'm racking. There has to been a time, at least when I was, like, tuned up and I'm just not remembering it. It's killing me, too. I know I very likely threw some food. Yeah. At somebody or just?

Yeah. Yeah, definitely. That's what we're talking about. That sounds very like me. Yeah. Hmm. And I'm thinking the same thing. I must have been drunk, and I can't remember throwing.

baloney at somebody. It must have happened, but I don't recall. In kindergarten, a kid across the lunch table threw a fry at my daughter, and she just ate it right in front of them and became a hero at her table. They thought, what a great bit of revenge.

She just got free fry at this kid. So he didn't get the reaction he wanted. What about punching a wall? No. Yeah. I did that in high school. It broke my hand. Did the drywall at least... Did it dent? No, it wasn't.

drywall, it was a, it was in our locker room in high school, there was a bulletin board, you know, like a cork board. So I punched that thinking it'll be soft. Well, no, it's attached to a brick cement wall. There's no give whatsoever. Oh, no. Yeah, talk about compounding your problems. I was.

Angry enough as it was, and then I broke my hand. That sucks. That's hilarious. But I meant like domestic. You're arguing and you get so mad you punch a wall. No. I did it once. I did it once. How bad? I'm my brothers. Do you hurt yourself?

No, because... Didn't hit a stud or anything? No, no, no. Oh, specifically, it was a door. And at my old house, I had $2 doors. I mean, the walls, the doors in my old home were so thin and so old. Like those really hollow doors where it's basically just a sticker? Oh, yeah.

Corkboard some fake wood. I could hear you crack your knuckles from the other side of the room. You know, other side of the house. That's so... I punched the thinned the thinnest week. weakest $2 door. That was embarrassing. Yeah, it definitely is because afterwards you're like, no, I have to deal with this.

Yeah, I was just throwing that domino. I was pretty embarrassed. What a child. I had those kind of doors when I lived in Minneapolis and the door to my bedroom, it would always get stuck on the carpet and it pissed me off so much. And one time I was just in a bad mood. My dogs were whining and I couldn't get the stupid door open so I went to kick it. And it was paper, so I got kicked a hole in it.

And I was like, ah, this is embarrassing. That's happened here. You know, we had holes have been punched in the wall. Somebody ripped the door off a bathroom stall. And that thing was messed up forever. I mean, same with that hole. They just never really fixed it. What, around here they didn't fix something?

If your job is making you that angry, you just, you need to walk away at that point. I'll tell you why I punched that door, because it's just as stupid as punching the door. A girlfriend of mine many years ago. You know, this house that I was living in was the house that I grew up in. When my folks retired and moved up north, I bought the house. And didn't you say they screwed you on the price? Of course.

Oh, my old man was behind that 100%. Yeah. So I lived in this house the majority of my life at this point, whether it be with my parents or on my own. And I had a junk drawer. the same junk drawer that I had as a kid. There were items in that junk drawer from when I was four. Oh, that's a good one. Good junk drawer.

Yeah. I want to go through it. One of the items that was in this junk drawer was a past girlfriend for Valentine's Day wrote me up, this is just the most cliche thing in the world, right? Wrote me up a list of favors that I could. Oh, sex coupons. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, I've received those.

Those are great. That's awesome. that you're able to say that. It would have taken me forever to say that. Sex coupons. So it was in order, if I wanted to, I could present these to her. Hey, here's that BJ you promised me, right? The sex coupons game. Yeah. I bet those friggin, and of course, what do we do with the sex coupons? We never used them. Never. We go, wow, that's hilarious. That's so funny. We put them in a drawer and we never used them. those friggin' sex coupons were in that junk drawer for 10 years. Did they expire?

Of course they did. I don't know. Ah, dang it. Ten years they were in the junk drawer. Junk drawer is the key. This is where garbage went. My girlfriend at the time finds them and says, well, who were these from? And I say, it's from 10 years ago.

And it still bothered her. Oh, man. Because you were obviously holding on to them to use them. to use them in the future. Right. It freaking blew my mind. And she would not let it go. I said, I got these when I was 18 for Christ's sake.

I said, I said, go into the junk drawer. Look further. Do you want to get mad at my third grade report card? Also, it's a junk drawer. This is where meaningless. And she would not let it go. And finally, I snapped and I punched my friggin' arm through a door. That's so funny.

As if you're holding on to them to cash him in, like she's married now and she tells her husband, well, you know, the coupon's still valid. I got to do it. I never thought of an expiration date, Josh. I'm going to start, when I gift those, I'm going to start putting an expiration day. Expires if we get divorced. You got 10 days to use these. Yeah, right. Have you ever heard of this before?

This text says, next time you're angry and want to throw something, remember left hand. anger, throw said item with your, well, you have to be right-handed for this, throw set item with your left hand, you look really stupid, but you won't break anything. That's a good point. Let's go straight to the ground, basically. Yeah. Here's a couple. They had a little pant wedding on Valentine's Day.

The topic of conversation that started all this trouble, the topic of conversation was infidelit. Yeah, that'll do it. I mean, wouldn't you think that's maybe 80% of domestics? The other 20% are sex coupons. Yeah, well, I think that's a close one to the cheating. One half of this couple was calling the other out for folding a side piece in half. I'm not sure who was being called out. Maybe they were both accusing each other.

I don't know. But at one point or another, the dude, by the name of Theodore, door. He slapped his lady upside the head with his chick-fil-a spicy chicken sandwich. He threw the sandwich across the room. And it's a, hey, cubby. What? And it clipped her in the skull. At least it's not going to hurt that bad.

Yeah, I could probably take a chicken sandwich to the head without much damage. I'd still pick it up and eat it. Do love the chicken sandwich. Yeah. Oh, yeah. All right, so he threw a chicken sandwich, hit his girlfriend in the cranium. He also noodle armed a styrofoam cup full of blue powerade in her face. Man, washing a sandwich down with blue powerade, that's living right there.

Oh, yeah, you said chickfully, right? Yeah, they have those styrofoam cups. I like that they have those cups. Oh, that's right. They got the good ice, right? Uh-huh. Now that you mention it, they do serve their drinks in those fat, 1976-looking styrofoam cups.

So she got a chicken sandwich upside the head from across the room, and also there was a separate aerial attack, Josh. It was a styrofoam cup filled with blue power aids. Might as well throw some fries at her now, make it a whole meal. You want to make that a meal? Yeah. My son, he and his buddies, we have a chick-fil-a-by- us, and they like to ride their bikes there in the summer.

Ah, the bicycles. And there were some young ladies, and they're trying to look cool in front of these girls. Uh-oh. My son, like, I don't know, he tripped on his own foot or something, and he spilled a blue power raid all over the place. So he's looking like a fool cleaning that up. He takes after his old man.

I did the same thing at a Chipotle once. That's awesome. I love that. My family's laughing their ass off at me because I'm basically down on my hands and knees with these napkins falling apart. Yeah, those thin napkins that are just disintegrating on contact with the liquid. And it was taking so long. I'm right in the middle of the way and I felt so.

Oh my gosh, you poor thing. Then the guy finally comes through to the mop. He's like, yeah, dude just get out of here. We got it. The dude with the mop wanted nothing to do with it. Oh, really? F you, it's your problem. So I cleaned the whole thing up.

My family was laughing at me. It hurt my feelings. It was so embarrassing. And you love Chipotle so much too, so that much is such a disappointment. Oh, and I'm thinking it's getting cold. Yeah. Yeah, that sucked. Big time.

So the cops were called to this domestic scene. Theodore, the dude, he admitted to throwing his sandwich into his girlfriend's mug. He admitted the power raid attack. The girlfriend told the police that Theo is almost always acting like a dick. And his criminal record pretty much says the same. He's a very stupid person. Theo is. He has no neck.

Did you look at his mug shot at all? No. He's one of those guys that is completely neckless. It's all head and then shoulders. I didn't check that out just yet. Theo was charged with domestic... Where's his neck? I see that.

There's no neck there. His neck's gone. They call it Domestic Battery is what he was charged with. A judge ordered him to stay away from that lady. Yeah, good call. I doubt that'll slow Theo down. No, they'll get back together. Yeah, he'll be back.

Seems like those relationships they always go back to each other. Yeah, they do. All right, how about this here? Tell me how long you could put up with this before you finally snapped. And I mean, snapped.

Here's a lady. She's in Taiwan, of all places. She goes by the name of Chen. She's finally being dumped into prison. and you're about to hear all about it. She had it coming. For the next three months, she'll have to sit there in the Taiwan Women's Prison

after straight up torturing her neighborhood. So here's what she did. At all hours of the night, two, three in the morning type of thing. She would go out onto her balcony. She'd hit the power button on her microphone and amplification. and amplifier setup, like a home carrokee type of a setup. Uh-huh. She'd hit that power button, and she would scream insults and foul language at her neighbors.

I mean, it's kind of funny, but what a psychopath. She did this at least three nights a week for two years. I mean, you'd think you'd get all the anger. At some point. I mean, sometimes you hear stories like this where somebody will buy some incredibly bright lights to make sure it shines on a neighbor's house. Or have you heard like how South Korea on the border of North Korea, they'll blast K-pop to piss people off, stuff like that? Three nights a week for two stinking years. May of the year 20 and 23 is when Miss Chen, or whatever her name is, I forgot.

She upped and started this nightmare routine. Go out there on her balcony. F-bom, any neighbors that she felt had wronged her recently. F-U, this, and that with the loudest balls, Karoki, Mike. Word is, it would rattle poor bastard smooth out of bed. You could hear her nonsense for miles three times a week. Oh, you'll dig this. each of Mrs. Chen's little scream NATO sessions

would last about 45 minutes. It wasn't just step out on the balcony. You everybody here sucks. F you're fat, you're ugly. Your kids are idiots and then she's done. 45 minutes each session. That's crazy. Three times a week, two years.

It'd be kind of fun the first couple times, yeah. Yeah. I'd be like, I'd be waiting. I'd be going to do me. Yeah. Am I next? Am I next? When she did me, I'd be kind of... Yeah, a couple...

If it's once or twice, it's kind of funny, but you're right. I mean, this is psychotic. She's lucky nobody burned her house down or something. There's got to be somebody equally insane in the neighborhood. Ashley's right. Your significant other would be... Who is that? Mrs. Chen again? Shh, shh, hang on.

She might be getting to me here. See if we hear our names. Yeah. I don't know how this neighborhood put up with it for two years, But they did. They must be very patient in Taiwan. I mean, I'm priming a chainsaw after a short amount of this. And by the end of my run, I'm covered in her blood. You know, Ashley, I would be interested to know if my neighbors have any issue with me. I know we did have one asked, we had so much stuff going on at our house because it's a garbage house, basically.

Everything was wrong with it. It's better now. But we had a dumpster in our driveway for about two months. and we did have a neighbor kind of say, hey, are we ever going to get rid of that dumpster? So we had that happen. Why is that an issue? They didn't like looking at that dumpster. All right, then. Sorry.

Well, and by a neighbor, I mean, they lived like kind of around a corner. So it wasn't like they looked at it every day, but they would walk their dog. Oh, that would piss me off. And, yeah, she came up to me and was like, hey, when's that going? Oh, yeah. Shut up, bitch. It's not like you have it there for pleasure. Like, you enjoy having that dumpster with all the work.

You have to do with your house. It doesn't matter. People don't know how to mind their damn business. So this neighborhood, again, they must be very patient people by nature in Taiwan, that no one killed her. Two years, she puts this gimmick on display in her neighborhood. They tried to talk to her and calm her down. She wasn't having it. Medical device Jesus thinks at some point you should be able to tear gas someone like that.

Yeah. You should be able to do something. Yeah, if they're out on a balance. He easily teargas them. The neighbors filed a complaint with the local police finally after two years. The case ended up in court. Mrs. Chen admitted to using her Karoki microphone to curse out her neighbors in the middle of the night. A judge finally said, look, lady, you need to sit your ass down and shut your effing pie hole.

And you're going to do that for the next three months in the lady's cooler. Yeah, I wonder if she tried that routine in prison. I wonder how long that would last. Yeah, hopefully this makes her realize there's consequences, but I don't know. Somebody like this, probably not. Blows my mind that it took that long. And it blows my mind that nobody strangled her to death. Like you said, that's got to be a very tolerant, easygoing neighborhood.

It says here also, similar, I guess. There was a lady's summers, I don't know where, and it doesn't matter, who drove her neighbors up a wall every night by playing the same song, louder than balls for 16 years? I wish I had more details on that, but I do not. Every night for 16 years, she'd crank up some terrible song. Yeah, I can't pronounce the name of the song with Slovakia is where this happened. I told you about my brother's neighbor with the REO Speedwagon.

And don't get me wrong, my brother and I are both real Americans. We love REO Speedwagon. but my brother had this neighbor who would sit out on his deck every night and get drunk and crank REO Speedwagon and every night became a problem for my brother

where he finally snapped on the guy I was over at my brother's place in his backyard we were putting together a grill or something and all of a sudden roll with the changes by a great song I love that song that's one of the best songs ever Roll with the changes starts up by REO Speedwagon

louder in hell from the neighbor and my brother pokes his head up on the fence and goes oh great speedwagon it's again, huh? You frigging, huh? You can't mix it up, for Christ's sake? I used to live next door to an old-timer, and he would sit on his balcony and drink Coors' lights every single night. And one night we were up late, we were playing some music on our deck, and he kind of leans his head over, he goes, hey, if you're going to play some music,

could you at least play some Seeger? Yeah, I got nothing against Seeger. Hell yeah. What's your request? I'll put it on for you. You're taking request? Yeah. Man, at least he requested a solid character. Or on the lake. I've had this happen on the lake where, you know,

park my boat at Big Island. You know, I try not to go there when it's mental, you know, wall-to-wall, 18-year-olds. So sometimes it's not? I always assumed it's constantly busy. Not con. You go there on a Wednesday or whatever. So I back my boat up and throw the anchor

and a fairly quiet night there. Some dude. backs up next to me and a little closer than he had to be, but I don't care. So whatever. After only a few minutes, he says, hey, you mind if I play some music? I said, no. He played the music so loud. It was like he was trying to alert a friend five miles away.

And it was Stevie Ray Vaughn, who I was never a big fan of. So it was just kind of odd. It's just me and you, dude, and a few other boats. Why the hell is it that loud? And finally, I said, after a few Stevie Ray Vaughn songs, I said, you've got to turn that down. And he was cool about it. But it just, I couldn't believe how loud it was.

Why is it so loud? It was him. I had two people on my boat. He had two people on his boat. It's kind of crazy how some of those speaker systems on those nicer boats. It's like a concert venue. That's kind of what I think he was doing, was showing everybody how much he spent on his.

That'd be my guess. Where they have like the speakers up on, you know, what's that called the rails that are above a boat? I don't know what we call it. You know what I'm saying? I have no idea. Rails that are above a boat. I'm using the, I don't know, boat terms.

Oh, the things that hold like a wakeboard and stuff. Yeah, yeah. The thing, yeah, the thing. Okay, the thing. Yeah. So it works basically, you know, like the same things you'd see lights hanging off at a Metallica show. Yeah. I got one of those with speakers everywhere.

Very fancy. All right. A lady in New York stole 10 tons of asphalt. What are we going to place on four square? What are we doing? I love 4Square. The lady in New York stole 10 tons of asphalt. I don't know if she's going to build a basketball court for the kids in town.

This lady, she was working for the New York State Department of Transportation. She snatched a big damn truckload or two of that asphalt. Tina is her name. Tina, come get some ham, right? That's what I think of every time I hear the name Tina. Me too. I can't think of Tina without that. Tina should come and get some ham.

I don't know what this is. this gal had in mind. She worked for the state DOT. She ordered a pile of asphalt to be delivered to a private residence. I'm guessing the driver didn't think twice. You know, if Tina says this is where I'm supposed to take the asphalt, then that must be the place. I think maybe Tina sold the asphalt to somebody and pocketed the monies. She turned herself into local law enforcement. Tina's going to go ahead and take her medicine. Yeah, that's a weird one, but you know, I can hear people stealing grease from restaurants and selling it. making some big money.

I thought somebody was pranking me the first time they said that. Yeah? I did too because there was a Simpsons episode about it and I thought it was just a joke, you know, like no one would never do this. And I found out it actually happens in real life. I was blown away. I got to get into the restaurant grease business. Are you getting the grease business with me, Josh? Let's do it. I got a hippie-dippy friend who just does the weirdest things, buys

bulk this and bulk that because he has a plan for the future, just the oddest things. One time, Josh, he bought two 50-gallon drums of restaurant grease from a restaurant. So he did. Yes. And I don't remember what he said he was going to do with it, like try to turn it into fuel or something. What? Trust me, this guy's got ideas you've never even friggin' heard of. So he's got two 50-gallon drums of restaurant grease, restaurant grease, at his cabin.

And one night, he decided we would use it to start a fire. In the fire pit. Oh, man, that seems like a bad idea. I thought we were going to kill everyone who had property on that body of water. I have never seen a more out of... control fire in my life. Does that reek? I don't remember a smell.

Yeah, must not. I just remember looking as far into the sky as I could see. That's how far that fire was, it was tickling Mars with the. Does, I mean, had he done this before? No. Okay. I mean, it does sound like it'd be kind of cool to watch, but a little, we were very, we were very excited. Was beer involved?

Beers have been involved in a lot of his life. Yeah, but I'm not blaming it on that. It was fairly early in the night. I mean, the neighbors came over and said, is everything going to be okay? And we said, we don't know. We don't know. People from the other side of the lake are concerned.

You could have seen it from. All right, I think we got time for one more. What the hell is this? This is a damned embarrassing situation right here. I don't care who you are. This is embarrassing. A damn grown man. tried to steal a van and then somehow got locked inside the van.

That's pretty good. And the dude ended up crying out for help like a child. 26-year-old, yes? I don't know if he wants us to say his name anymore, but remember we had a trooper on who, for a while, our trooper, and when he was, you know, he's kind of like a Boy Scout. And when he first got his squad, he would clean it every single day, inside and out.

I think he said he was living with his parents at the time. time. And one time he was in the back and he somehow got locked back there and he had to yell until his mom came out and let him out of the vehicle. Dude. Can you mention the, mom, don't ever tell anybody about this. He did mention it on the air, but I don't know if he's still cool with that story. Longtime listeners probably remember who this was, but he got locked in the back of his own squad trying to clean that thing. So this is a 26-year-old man, you know, still pretty young, but still. And the dude's name is Dean. That makes it even more shameful, I think, because the deans that I've known in my lifetime

have, number one, been frightening individuals. And also, the deans that I've known over the years would never allow themselves to end up looking like such a bitch. Rocking themselves in a van and crying for help? I know two deans, and they're cool dudes. You know what else? Both of them can dance. Great dancers. Oh, that's cool. Really? Yep. The deans that I know would never be caught dead on a dance floor. Never? No. No, that's too... That's not manly for the deans that I know.

And the deans that I know would probably rather light that van on fire and burn to death in it than get caught inside the van locked in there and unable to get out. Looking like a jackass. This here, Dean, this is all on video apparently.

He tried to steal someone's landscaping van, but he somehow got locked inside. The local cops have audio and video of Dean hollering for help inside the van. So the word is, Dean got into the van. It was unlocked. The owner of the van, who was just beginning his work in the neighborhood as a landscaper, the owner of the van had no idea that stupid Dean had snuck in there.

And the owner of the van locks the vehicle once he starts his landscaping work. Dean didn't have a chance in hell of getting out. So he started screaming and kicking the doors, looking for help. He claimed he couldn't breathe in there. I can't breathe. Apparently is something he was hollering from inside the van. A landscaper guy heard all the screaming and crying up and down, saw a stupid Dean in there, and hilariously he didn't let him out until the cops got there.

They let them cook in there for a stretch of time. That's good. That would be satisfying if you're the person who's the victim of this crime, wouldn't it? Yeah. The guy's such a bumbling moron. But I'm kind of thrown by this. There was no latches inside the van that Dean. could grab and unlock the door?

I can't figure that out either. Is it something about automatic locks that I'm not aware of? Anyway, you want to hear a truly chicken excuse. Yes. Dean told the police that he was handing out business cards in the neighborhood, and a dog chased him. He got scared and ran into the truck for safety. Kind of creative.

Dean. Those are the deans that I know. The only dean that I've ever heard of, I guess, out the top of my head is Dean from Gilmore Girls and he's a great guy. Ashley, why would you bring that up? I was having a good day. Oh yeah, I forgot you hate it because your wife watches it like crazy.

Yeah, all the time. The deans that I know, you can't call him Dean. You have to call him Dean. Yeah. One of the deans that I know got drunk and drove down 169 and then he got too drunk to drive. So he pulled over and he fell asleep in the ditch. What?

And we found him laying in the ditch. next to his motor home. He drove a motor home, by the way. I'm glad he pulled over. Dean. There he was. Spread Eagle in the ditch. Broad daylight, 169.

Down by Mancato. We found him. Oh, I thought you meant he fell asleep in the car. He got out and just fell asleep. I thought the car too. That was part of the fun. He's got a motorhome. The bed in it, probably.

There were three beds in it. But he got out and fell as and slept in the ditch. It may have been too warm in the motorhome. It was summer. That was Dean. That was just one of the Dean's that I know. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show.

Croatia across the line. Racing to the line there. The crowd clearly enjoyed this. The biggest cheer of the day is not for any of the skiers so far. That's true speed. Down the finishing straight. The local wildlife. Dismisticated.

The following portion of the program has been edited to remove licensed music. There was a dog on the thing. I loved it. On the course. REO Speedwagon. As soon as you are able, I'm willing. Do you think we just pissed off your brother? Or can you listen to this now?

As a long time ago, he's probably over it. He probably welcomes a little REO into his life again after living through what he went through 25 years ago. He had a neighbor who would always crank REO and he finally snapped. What a beautiful song. Can I tell you my REO Speedwagon roll with the changes, a friggin' story? This was at Moon Dance Jam many years ago, and if any of us have been to Moon Dance Jam up in, what do they call that town, Walker? It's an older crowd.

You know, you get grandparents that hang out at Moon Dance Jam and plant them. Oh, yeah. It's a little bit of everything. You get grandparents that plant their lawn chairs in a field with a little umbrella to the sun. doesn't bother him too much. And, you know, it's a lot of classic rock, older bands. You know, I know in recent years, they've drugged some harder acts into the mix. But I went there one year, and it was mostly bands like REO Speedwagon, lover boy, you know, 70s, 80s lighter rock.

Nice. So Kevin Cronin, the lead singer of REO Speedwagon, at the time, maybe he was 60. Nowadays, he's probably closing in on 80 years old now, Kevin Cronin. So I'm standing there with my Steve Weiser and a bunch of friends, and we are pretty much surrounded by all older people. And Kevin Cronin gets on the mic and says, you know, we've been doing this now for 30 years. And the crowd says, yay. And he says, you know, I'm 58 years old now or something along those lines. And I'll tell you what, my wife and I still get after it like we're kids.

Thank you. I can get, he more or less described for the crowd of mostly older people, how he can still get as hard today as he could 25 years ago. Thank you. Thank you very much. Right? Hushed silence. No one really reacted to that to what he had said.

Everyone was a little thrown by it. We hadn't really heard anything like that so far from any of the artists. And all these old people are kind of looking side by, you know, looking at each other like, Did he just tell us how hard? And he says, all right, this one's called Roll with the Changes. I mean, I wouldn't mind hearing about Bruce Dahl, their base player's erection, but I'm not a Kevin Cronan erection guy. Bruce Dahl, who was the father of Bobby Dahl from Poison.

Is he really? Are you messing with me? All right. Another base player. I mean, there's some correlation there that I could believe that. There was a dog on the skiing hill the other day. and everybody loved him. It was a dog. It was very cute.

Dog just looks so happy. Yeah. They do, don't they? They look to absolutely giddy about the lo-old. They do. They have a good time. And I think the dog thought everybody, I think everybody was cheering for him, though, but he thought he was the main attraction there, not the skiers.

I mean, it was unbelievable, Dana. It was a dog. He was a dog. People were saying it was more exciting than just watching it normally. Yeah. What? Cross-country skiing? Yeah.

They need dogs to be added to. Team USA, men's hockey. They won. So did the Canadians. So we're cruising towards this thing, you know, this gold medal game. Today the Canadians play Chetchia or something. The United States plays Finland. If they both win, they'll meet in the goal.

The friggin' Swedes gave the Americans a problem or two yesterday. Watch his nuts here from the pigs. Got the game winner. We'll get into it big time with Randy Schaeber. We're running out of time here. The Canadians had to go to overtime. The ladies gold medal game is today against Canada. at noon. So there's plenty going on.

Plenty going on. Cubby's coming up next. The 93X Half-Ast morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too.

An AC tune-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80 degree day. We plan ahead. Booked by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com providing the comfort you deserves since 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you.

Full Send Golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. I think every week would be dope to post on the Golf Channel. I want to get a lot of guests on here. Saleem's going to take a leap. I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course.

I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on it? We said 10K, right? 10K? All right? We probably bet more. all the other golf channels, right? 10K, nine holes.

Those guys bet for, like, cookies. So like I'm going to shank it. This guy's been trading like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Bullsen golf.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. They want to glorify the fact that they're criminals. It's dumb. These guys are dumb. They deserve to be tossed under the jail just for being dumb. The 93X have as morning.

Families have, you know, problems just like everyone out. So I don't know all the details or anything like that. that, but, you know, it might have just been an argument that went a little too far. Oh, I'd say so. A fight over their home's temperature. What a New York man to blast his own sister in the face with a friggin crossbow. No kidding. Shot her right between the eyes?

Luckily, it just kind of grazed off her cheek. But, I mean, if I had a crossbow, I'd want to shoot it. Just not at people. At family? Nope, not at family. If you had to pick one family member to shoot a crossbow at, who would you pick? Oh, that's a tough call. Yeah. You know, some of them would just be putting them out of their misery, so it'll be a mercy killing. Police and NASA? It wouldn't be anyone, I can answer for him, I think, because of my knowledge of his family. It wouldn't be anyone from your immediate family.

No, not at all. It'd be an uncle or a cousin. Correct. Yeah. Yeah, you're dead on that. Problem is, the guys that I'm picturing, the uncles and cousins that I'm picturing, they already have a weapon trained on you. You just don't know it.

And you know what's sad? Right. For me, at least, they're trained to use them. Yes, they are. Josh, I think your only chance is to get them while they're sleeping. That's it. I'd have to line them up just in hope that bolt can penetrate a few people in a row. Otherwise, I'm in some serious trouble because they're deadly.

Police in Nassau County responded to a home just before 9.30 p.m. Friday, arriving to find a 28-year-old woman bleeding on the right side of her face. Investigators said 21-year-old Sammy Settam went straight to Medi. evil weaponry, firing a bolt from a crossbow at his sister, just grazing her face. His sister had pulled into their attached garage after returning home from the gym. She noticed her brother sitting in his parked car across the street. They both got out. The victim tried to enter the code to close the garage door when investigators say she felt

the sharp pain on the right side of her face. Oh, okay, so this wasn't like an argument gone sideways. This kid's just a sick maniac. Yeah, it started over an argument. Oh. But not at that moment he was waiting for her. And he'd been planning this for a while. Oh, okay.

She called police. When officers arrived, they found a bolt lodged into the back wall of the garage. The search of the suspect's bedroom revealed the coolest bedroom on the East Coast. They had the box for the crossbow, a katana samurai sword. What? And a MacBook. Yeah. All ending up seized by police.

Prosecutors say he admitted to shooting and trying to kill his sister. Tried to kill her. Yeah. Again, this is a fight over the phone. thermostat and he had planned to do it since Christmas when they fought over the thermostat. Oh my God, dude. Wow, so it was premeditated. Even if there was no thermostat in the house, this kid eventually would have tried to kill

someone in his family. Yeah, it would have been something. Yeah. Something dumb. Catana sword, huh? That part's pretty cool. That creeps me out. Many years ago, a girlfriend took me to a house party that her cousin, speaking of cousins,

her cousin was throwing a house party. I'd never met these people. we walk in and the cousin was very friendly a guy hey man nice to meet you whatever this gal's name at the time that I was dating she says a lot of nice things about you can I show you my bedroom he says almost immediately okay and his bedroom was every inch of the walls of his bedroom were covered by deadly samurai swords that's pretty sweet oh come on it was so frigging creepy I wanted to leave immediately That sounds cool. My youngest son, when he was maybe six, seven, he won a jujitsu tournament, and they gave him a sword.

That was his prize. That's cool. And I was pretty shocked. I'm like, awesome. Not sharp at all, by the way. I could hit you with it and it would do zero damage. It's still pretty sweet, though. Yeah.

One of the samurai swords, one of the samurai swords that a complete stranger who I'd only known for 25 seconds wanted to show me, was desperate to show me. One of the samurai swords was signed by Randy Jackson, the guy from a, you know, What do you call that show again? American Idol. Yeah. That's so odd. That's what he told me. It was signed by Randy Jackson from American Idol.

Is he a known lover of swords? Yeah. He's just all he had. Yeah, he's a, he's an assassin. Oh, is that right? Yeah. He puts down the bass guitar and picks up a katana. Yeah.

Police in Florida say a 32-year-old Kaylin Blaine has been charged with felony assault. felony pickle assault. When officers arrived on the scene, police say there were pickles and pickle juice scattered across the apartment. Blaine's boyfriend... You ever gone after anybody with your pickle? No way. No, no, no, no. That's mine.

Mine alone. I hate it. Blaine's boyfriend and cohabitant also had a knot on the top of his head, courtesy of a forceful introduction to a glass of the briny delicacy. Blaine, that is, Blaine, and the 34-year-old victim had argued Monday morning about the cleanliness

of their Clearwater, Florida. apartment. After being accused of making the mess, Blaine became agitated and made a vlastic mistake. She grabbed the very jar of pickles she'd been enjoying moments earlier and clobbered the victim by delivering dill to the top of his head. The pickle jar upside the owner. Threw right at him. Blaine, who declined to speak with cops, didn't get any sympathy from them either. She was arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, the glass pickle jar, and was booked into the county jail. In charge of the felony.

He's got a good chance to kill you. Oh, yeah. That would smarts, that's for sure. It's got a good chance to kill you, dad. There's bad at your job, and then there's 41 dismissed DUI arrests bad. In Bedford County, a Tennessee Highway Patrol trooper discovered a remarkable talent for arrests, which should never have happened. Case in case, face planted after blood tests showed many drivers were within legal limits

or impressively innocent with no alcohol or drugs in their system at all. Did you get an apology from the officer? No. This could happen to your child. This could happen to your parent. This could happen to your co-worker. An investigation showed eight cases where drivers were completely sober. In 14 more, the driver's blood alcohol levels were within legal limits.

Was he dishing out DUI so he would look like the hero cop? They didn't quite say, but that's my guess, right? Dude, that's horrible. And many of them, they had a notable absence of actually being drunk at all. At all. The remaining 19 dismissed cases were dropped for other reasons, including the trooper being unavailable for court, or suddenly having a short memory when it came time to recall the arrests. Personnel records show the trooper resigned from the Tennessee Highway Patrol in 2024 with no reason given.

The officer is just the latest trooper identified in that investigation, but data indicates the issue reaches far beyond just one badge. New figures from the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation revealed since 2017, more than 2,500 Tennesseans have been arrested for DUI, only for blood tests to later confirm a total lack of alcohol or drugs, which is totally bogus. How sleazy, Cubby. Yeah.

I mean, some of these people were out tens of thousands of dollars. Some of them lost their jobs. F me running. Over this jerk wad, or a couple of jerkwold. But they're finally figuring it out? Yeah, they figured it. it out. Will there be some monetary settlements? I would think the state's going to be

paying not a lot of money. Lick me down. I would be so pissed off if I knew I didn't have one drinkie all night long and John Law is dragging me into jail for a do we? Oh yeah. I can't even imagine just being that callous. I would end up in jail for some kind of an attack. You know what I mean? They should give you a couple of free punches. That's for sure.

And Tennessee doesn't stand alone. A nationwide investigation found similar sober drivers arrested for DUI in Alabama, Hawaii, Florida, and Iowa. Now the wrongful arrests are fueling a fresh wave of federal lawsuits. So, yeah, the payouts could be huge. These people deserve something. I mean, the ones that lost their job, all the money they spent on lawyers. I think that's a first. I don't think we've ever heard of something like that.

A cop giving out phony DWIs. Yeah, on purpose. On purpose, right, just to be the stud cop. Yeah, that's my guess. He wanted to be the super. hero there. One of the best nights I ever had as a teenage kid, I think I was 16. I came home from a night of drinking at a house party. I mean, I'm hammered. And I walk in, my mother's sitting right there, which is, you always go, oh, great. You know, I wonder, I wonder if she's going to see it on me or

smell it on me. I walk in the house. Hi, mom. She goes, hi. How was your night? That was all right. What'd you do? Nothing. I go and sit on the couch next to my sister, who's even drunker than I am, Right? My sister was like 19 at the time, 18. And we're both, son, I'm sitting with my sister, and we're both giggling our asses off because here we are, underage and hammered and mom has no idea. And she's sitting right across the room, even conversing with the both of us, right? Mom has no idea. We thought we were just hilarious and brilliant that we're getting away with this. My brother walks in the door, who hadn't had a drink all night. Surprisingly, he took a girl out on a date. I know he doesn't look like the type that would attract women at any time in his life.

But my brother had zero drinks, walks in the door from on a date. And my mom says, hi, how are you doing? My brother says, pretty good. My mom says, you're drunk, aren't you? She's playing the odds. And my brother says, what? Oh, you look drunk. Have you been drinking?

No, I was out on a date. You're drunk. I can tell. And my sister and I are the only ones in the room who are drunk. And we let them have it. We didn't cut in or we didn't interrupt or nothing. We let my mom completely tear my brother down to nothing, accusing of being drunk. For no reason, it was beautiful.

That's so crazy. Did he ever convince her? No, they screamed at each other all night over it. So she never, she still thinks. Oh, yeah. That's crazy. Streaming now on Netflix, the third season premiere of the Night Agent. 11 on Stranger Things, Millie Bobby Brown, 22, Benicio del Toro, 59.

Justine Bateman turned 60. Ooh. Yeah, hubba, hubba, right? Who was more in love with Justine Bateman in 1985? me or you? Probably you, you're a little older. 1985, I hadn't, you know, developed. What was that show called? Family ties? Family ties, yep.

Wow, well, we will. Between Justine and her television mother, I really enjoyed watching that program. Yeah, there was something about her. Still is. Both of them. Steel, I mean, Seal is 63 today. Jeff Daniels turned 71,

and the only original member to appear on every Sabbath album, Black Sabbath guitarist, Tony. I owe me, God. 78. It's a lot of records. She's been on, too. Happy 26 to want to be dominated by goth muscle mommy, Jesus.

And Dana, he was hoping you would seductively say good boy. Oh, good boy. And then he told me to tell you yuck, half of course. He knew you would fall for it and wanted me to say yuck. And then, of course, a shout out to the plow guys and gals doing their best to get us to and from work safe. We appreciate you. And that's 93X News.

on the half-assed morning show. Next to state, a lot for Sweden. There's Raymond. We are headed for overtime in the line. Now, Quinn Hughes. We play three and a half minutes in overtime. Quinn Hughes shoots.

He scores! He stars! Randy Shaver, those friggin' Swedes. Almost, man. Big, stubborn bastards that they are. They proved to be a problem. Almost. They proved to be a problem for Team USA yesterday

in the Olympic quarter final. What a heart attack game, man. Jeez, no kidding. I mean, when they scored that gold at tide, it was like, oh, no. Everybody puckered up. Oh, my God, yes. She went on into overtime a few minutes in.

There goes to Pigs Quinn Hughes. Booger. He walked in and beat the Swede Goldie with a plank off the pipe. Stiff wrist shot. Kids got a wrist shot. shot. And the boys can now move on to the, as the announcer said, the semis. I don't know. I say semis, but I'm not trying to start trouble. I'm not a big fan of three-on-three hockey, but this is- I am not either. This is exactly why they came up with it. So a lot of open ice can

create pretty endings. And that's what they got yesterday, a pretty ending. Yep. As you know, when you play five-on-five overtime, like God intended, a lot of times, what's the winning goal. A wrist shot from the point that clanks off everybody's ass cheek and dribbles into the net. They don't want that anymore. They want pretty endings and they got it. I love the announcing team talking about Erickson Eck defending Quinn Hughes prior to that goal. They were talking about taking away his forehand and how he defended Quinn Hughes so well. I don't think he was on the ice when Hughes scored the game winner. But there was a lot of discussion about those two teammates going against each other

and how Eric Zinnak had done a nice job defending Quinn Hughes earlier. Yeah, he's a solid player, Erickson, solid all-around player. But even Folino yesterday on the telephone said those Swedes are a pain in the ass. So now for the Americans to advance to the gold medal match, they will first have to survive a semi-final matchup with the surprising Slovaks. Like Jesse the body. Yeah. The friggin Slovaks, they are not loaded with NHL players.

But they pounded Germany a day or two ago to advance to the semifax. I mean, who gives a rat's ass if they got NHL players or not? They made it this far. That's right. Yeah. I mean, you can't take them lightly, that's for sure. So the other side of the bracket is the Canadians and the friggin' fins. And the Canadians had to go to overtime, too.

Yeah, they need to score a goal late just ascended to overtime. They damn near wet the bed. Yeah. The high-maintenance prima donna Canadian men's Olympic hockey club, damn near wet the bed. Had to, like Dana said, had to score a late goal, went into overtime, escaped disaster by beating Chechette. Shea.

Midway through the game when they were down, I was thinking myself, I want Canada to lose to us in the gold medal game, so I want them to win here so they can get there. But then about overtime, I was like, oh, screwed. I just want to see them embarrassed. Exactly. Knock their ass out.

I'd have been fine with that. So that'll be tomorrow those semifinal games. I think the women's gold medal is today. Is that right? That's right. Okay. Did you say earlier 1 o'clock or 11 o'clock? clock? I can't remember what you said, Nick. I really don't remember what I said. I believe it's

11. Noon one. 11. Let's go along with it. Yeah, the ladies gold medal game is today at noon Americans versus Canadians. I hate to tell you we had some big plans fall through last minute. We were hoping today to talk to our Winter Olympics correspondent. Oh, your buddy. What were you going to call this segment again? The shirtless hillbilly winter Olympics update. Yeah, I was looking forward to that. You know, maybe we can talk to them tomorrow. Don't we work tomorrow? We do.

My bro M.J. Total shirtless hillbilly. Known them for quite a few years. We went up to Brainerd International Raceway together many, many times and had some wonderful experiences up there together. Meant to be my husband. I told Ashley that. Yeah, that's right. That was an off-air conversation a couple seconds ago.

And it's not the first time I brought this up. If you would have met MJ before you met your current husband and before MJ met his current wife, I believe the two of you would have instantly fallen in love. He's a lot like Ashley's current husband only much, much, much, much better looking. And with a lot more charisma and humor and just overall appeal. I missed out. Wow. And, you know, when Ashley first joined the show, MJ, who is a listener, would ask me at beer parties and whatnot.

What's up with this Ashley gal? So I was showing her pictures of MJ earlier, and you agree that if you would have met him first, you would have fallen completely in love. Yeah, we were meant to be in a different timeline. If that's not too much work. It would be a lot of work for a guy like me, but I'll try. So MJ, remember yesterday we were talking, I got a friend that's at the Winter Olympics, in Italy, and I couldn't figure out why would it be MJ? He's a shirtless hillbilly.

How did he get access to? And, you know, he's the guy that sent me a photo of the Kelsey brother. He was sitting next to one of the Kelsey brothers at a hockey game. So it was even, I didn't even, I couldn't figure it out on my own. I found out why MJ is at the Olympics. His wife, who's now pregnant with one of his babies, if you can believe that, his wife has a cousin on the United States women's hockey team. Oh.

Who are playing today, like we said, for the gold medal. So maybe we can talk to him tomorrow. The reason he's unable to join us this morning, he texted at 4 a.m., which would be 11 o'clock in the morning in Italy, and he said he partied way too friggin' hard last night. And he also believes, and you think about MJ is he can party all night and be fresh the next day. So it's not the liquor that slowed him down.

He said he thinks he caught some of that food poisoning. So he's in and out the bat room. That sucks. So hopefully tomorrow we can go ahead with our shirtless hillbilly winter Olympics update. You want to see a picture of the guy, Cubby? Yeah, I missed that. That proves that he's perfect for Ashley. Well, first here's a picture of he and his wife at the Olympics,

and they're going into one of the hockey games. But you can't really see his mug. He's wearing. What do you call those things again? Sunglasses, this is how you say it. Here's a better picture of the kid and tell me that he wasn't, sorry, I'm no good at this cell phone stuff. Here you go.

Is that not the guy for her? Ashley, you screwed up. I didn't know. I didn't know about him. You messed up big time. You love fishing and whatnot. Yes, I do. This kid, this MJ kid could catch you a 10-pound walleye and a trophy musky within an hour anywhere you go.

Gosh, darn it. He used to be involved in motorsports. Does that turn you on? That's pretty sweet. Motorsports. So hopefully we can talk to him tomorrow, but I never in a million years thought of the connection. So yeah, his wife's cousin is one of the gals on Team USA's women's hockey team. So what were we saying?

We were talking hockey. I got much more on that. Oh, back to the dudes division. This is obviously bad for Team Canada. Sidney Crosby mangled himself on the ice yesterday. It says here, the hockey world is awaiting official medical updates regarding Crosby's... Is there an update?

Yes, he said he's going to be able to play. Oh, for Christ's sake. That he will be playing. I didn't know. That sucks. Yeah, I just saw that like five minutes ago. The first thing I thought also, F the Olympics, the first thing I thought was, I have heard his name thrown around this hockey season.

For the wild. For a couple of clubs, one being the pigs, that maybe Bill Guerin has been making some telephone calls to get that final piece to the puzzle before they make their playoff push. And I wondered, a guy like Bill Garon when he's watching that game yesterday and sees Crosby go down, he's thinking, hey, great for Team USA, right? Because he's the coach or the GM or whatever he is.

But also, thinking about his real job, I wonder if he was thinking, oh, Christ, I wanted to make a trade for that dude. But then I read this morning also that, and this is something that I don't keep up with much anymore, I certainly pay attention to where the pigs are at in the standings. But what I wasn't aware of is it looks like the Pittsburgh Penguins are playoff team this year. So that would probably dummy down the odds of Sid Crosby. Probably.

Right. Yeah, probably. So, okay, he's going to play. He said that he, I think the quote was, you can't rule me out, something like that. Okay. Now, back to Quinn Hughes, Booger. Saw an article yesterday, this is friggin fascinating to me. I didn't know this had been going on for so long, but it's been going on.

ever since Hughes first entered the league and started playing for the Vancouver Canucks. The article pointed out, and once I read it and once I looked a little deeper into it, they're absolutely accurate. The article pointed out that a lot of the time, Quinn Hughes, when he's on the ice, has a very vacant serial killer look on his face. Oh, that's all over social media. This was news to me too. So it seemed like it was well known.

It is. Not to me and you because we're not on social media. Yeah, I had no idea. People were commenting on it and they're going back a long time. They're just kind of known for this. There's photos of him just sitting on the bench with just a blank stare and the cab. There'll be something like, or something like plotting his next murder. I love it.

So, yeah, like I said, this has been going on since he was a rookie in Vancouver on that godless, soulless, and often wildly misinformed social media. I was not aware. but once I looked up and down at this article, they're friggin' right. Yeah, what's going on here? He often has a very creepy, thousand-yard stare on his mug.

It's a little unnerving. We need to ask Marcus about that. Yes, we do. Had I known about it yesterday, we would have asked him yesterday. Yeah. So, like we were discussing, there's a running joke online

that his very vacant facial expressions make it look like he's being haunted by ghosts. It totally does. Hockey fans say he looks like he's hearing the voices of the dead. Well, it's like the kid in six cents. I see dead people. It is kind of unnerving, isn't it? Yes, it is.

Do you guys have friends who, when they, you know, when they're not talking, when they're just resting, they have kind of a vacant serial killer look. Yes. I can picture a couple of them. Or the friends that just have such severe resting bitch face that you always think they're in a bad mood? Well, see, Josh has that problem. Yeah, I do.

I can't control my face. I wish I could stop that. But resting bitch face is a totally different animal. We're talking about just the vacant serial killer. There was one dude, a friend of mine, we stood up. together for another friend at a wedding. And so we're standing there, you know, with the suit and just standing and waiting for whatever you do up there, waiting for them to say, I do so we can get the hell off the stage.

And I look at my friend as we're both up there standing up for our friend. And the look on his face was terrifying. He just had the most vacant. That's the only word that I think is most fitting, just vacant. Like there's nothing behind his eyes. Now, he is an odd guy. Your friends who have the serial killer look, are they odd people? Oh, definitely.

They're not, you say, Ashton. But Josh, you say, yes. Quinn, I mean, I don't know much about Quinn. Is he a weird guy? Or should we be worried about him living in town? So Hughes was asked about this while hanging out over there at the Olympics. Someone asked him about this freaking look he's got on his space eight times out of ten. And he said I'm usually pretty zoned in on what's going on with myself.

I'm trying to get ready to do what I need to do. I don't like that answer. That's way too simple. That is way too simple an answer. I don't know if I trust this kid. I want him to say he's seeing ghosts. I'm with you on that. Something more fun.

You know, who else has that look? Nine. When nine's getting ready to go out on the field? Why the hell do you got to drag that friggin' idiot into this conversation? Well, you're wearing your nine jersey today. So I thought maybe you wanted to do. me to bring it up. Yeah, he has that angry look.

Are you playing off that meme? Oh, yeah, I love that meme. Who does it? So goofy. Dumbest picture ever taken of any athlete ever. So manufactured. You know what? That's exactly right, Randy. I think that makes it more annoying. I wanted to buy, I was

at a sports shop by us, and I saw a nine t-shirt, and I thought, oh, I got to get this for Nick. But unfortunately, it was like a child's large. That's the only, believe it not that's the only one I had the left. You're talking about a jersey? No, a t-shirt. And it said just nine. It had nine and had that meme on that. Oh, oh, I would love to wear that T-shirt. Yeah, it was, it was, they only had one and I'm assuming it's because they didn't

order many, not that it sold out. You already buy too many things for me. I mean, so this huge kid, obviously, we've, we've known this for a long time. This huge kid is a tremendous player, but I'm a little worried about his mental state. Listen to this. This is so, so, now that I've looked at the pictures and really looked into this. I'm worried. So listen to this line from a hockey fan on social media. It says here, watching Quinn Hughes communicate with the Victorian ghost children that haunt him has been the highlight of the winter games.

He's communicating Josh with Victorian ghost children. That's definitely something you see in the movies. There's some, so like I said, until yesterday, this article, I'd never heard of it. And I felt shame because it apparently was very well known. But there's some photos where it looks like he's doing his, maybe you've been in this situation, doing your best not to vomit. He has that look like he's really concentrating on please don't barf, please don't barf. I'll have to look a little closer.

Something like he's kind of looking down and he's got that, he's got like a miserable, vacant look. I know the trying not to barf face. Oh, yeah. That's maybe the only time you pray, Nick, is when you're like, please God. I've seen it in the mirror. I've seen it on others, the trying not to bar face. I'll look into that.

No, that's a tough feeling. But you know what? Now that I'm, now that I love this subject, as you can tell them. Very passionate about this. I think it's very interesting. The scene from the shining where Jack Nicholson is staring out the window at his wife and child running around the maze. You know, Ashley knows it. Yeah, I do too.

One of the most infamous scenes from the shining where Jack Nicholson. is just, that's Quinn F and Hughes. Sorry, that's Quinn Hughes. I thought the most expressionless guy in town, you guys probably won't get this, but Randy Shaver will. I thought the most expressionless person in town was Jaden McDaniels. I love his face. That's one of the first things I ever noticed about him.

That guy is never happy. No, but it does kind of RBA. Smile once. Yeah, but I don't. think you get the same vibe as the Quinn Hughes thing. No, it's not as vacant and frightening. Yeah, it's not as vacant.

His eyes are off. Maybe that's... Hughes? No, McDaniels. His eyes are off? Yeah, his right eye like kind of goes up. Does it go up? Yeah.

You haven't noticed that? I don't think so. Like a lazy eye. But my wife and I, who watch every Timberwolves game, that's one of our most fun... Timberwolves. Little side notes. when we're watching is how Jaden McDaniels,

well, see, here he's got a smile on his face. I see what you mean about how one eye is a little higher than the other. His team photo, he's actually smiling, which you never see. So he still leads the league in town as far as expressionless. He will make, like, the best basket I've ever seen made. And it'll pan to him and he's just dead pan. Yeah, it's the same. He has the same look on his face during a dramatic play

as he does when he's tying his shoes an hour before game time. And it doesn't help that, like, usually they pan to him and then they'll pan over to Anthony Edwards. And he's just the smiley's guy in the world. It's one of my favorite things about watching the wolves is Jaden McDaniels. And it's part of what makes him so friggin' cool. Yeah. I think you could say the guy like Jack Morris kind of has that same look too.

When Jack was playing the game, he was very focused. Very focused. Yeah. You could tell he was thinking about one thing. that was winning, where Quinn Hughes, I don't know what the hell he's thinking. You don't want to know. Jaden McDaniels, it's not as intimidating. It's not as frightening, but also he looks as if there's just nothing on his mind. I wish I could have that side to myself where I could be so relaxed, you know.

He kind of does look like it's just a body and then the soul escapes for a while, does some other things and then jumps back. Right. Oh, we got people texting in who noticed these things. Rosie-cheeked Jesus. Former twin Jorge Polanco never blinks. Oh, yeah. Oh, I haven't noticed that.

You're right. He never blinks. Catfishing Jesus says Quinn Hughes will murder you. Jaden McDaniels will just mumble under his breath and grab you by the neck. Oh, man. I'm so glad that, as you can tell, I'm so glad I bumped into that article. I find that. Yeah.

Now I want a Quinn Hughes cam to follow him around. And the thing is, after you've said this, everybody will look at him and can't get that out of their head now. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. I can't change how I'm going to think that all the time now. Right. Yeah.

How do you mind when we were standing up for that wedding? I just, my, damn, it was, ain't this a pisser right here? Remember when Lindsay Vaughn, when she crashed while skiing at the Olympics there and hurt herself? Yeah. There went her Olympic hopes and dreams by God in an instant right from the get-go. She was all done.

You know what happened the next day, Randy Shaver? For her? Yeah. She had a ton of surgeries. I know that. Her dog died. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, booby. That's a rough stretch. That ain't right. No kidding. My God. That ain't right. The day after she crashes at the Olympics and her leg gave way, the next day her dog dies on her. The dog knew she wouldn't be able to let him out to go party.

I was like, all right. I got to take myself out, I guess. The dog knew. Yeah. Life is about to change and I don't want it to. You're not able to be the same owner that you used to be. I'm going to walk into the light. I'm out.

Leo was the dog's name. The poor Leo died. He had recently been diagnosed with cancer. Sounds like Leo was 13 years old. That's a bad couple of days. Yeah, that sucks. All right, we were talking a week ago or so about, you know, some of these Olympic athletes, hell, they got endorsements coming out of their ass.

They're filthy rich. But a lot of them have to pay their own way. They've got real jobs. Olympics make some, if they don't win a medal. even if they do win a medal. It makes them a few bucks, right? Yeah, they're all using their PTO, most of them right now. What the hell is PTO?

Paid time off? Oh, yeah, it's not as glamorous as you might think. Here's something or another. Someone wrote this up. Not a lot of it will grab you, but there's a couple three you might like. Day jobs that Olympians hold when they aren't competing for their countries. And this is winter and summer Olympians, and they're not. all Americans.

These are the day jobs. Some of these peckerheads hold down when they're not representing. An American boxer by the name of Morel McCain. That's a female. She went to the 20 and 24 Paris Summer Olympics. When she wasn't competing, and when she's not competing, she's a party clown. Oh. I don't like that.

She's a children's party clown. You ever hired one of those, Cubby? No. I never will. I hope my kid doesn't like clowns. I was telling my husband that I was going to train him to also hate clowns. Not fear, but I want him to hate them, at least. We hired one as a joke once for a buddy's birthday party,

and the guy showed up and it was funny for about two minutes, and then we realized, we've got this guy for like two hours. What do we do now? Two hours? Something like that, you know? Oh, man. Yeah. It's like, oh, all right, yeah, another balloon animal.

That's great, man. I would have got him good and drunk. It was so uncomfortable. All right, bro, get naked. Turn him into a stripper. Yeah. Did he know he was showing up at a party with just adults? I don't think so, no.

Oh, that'd be concerning. Because it was like a Saturday afternoon type of, like backyard, you know, a keg and the grill and stuff like that. So I think he thought he was showing up to just a kid's birthday party when he got there. Honestly, it was probably a nice break for him, though. I don't know. I think, uh-oh, these guys are going to want water sports. Well, the thing was, we figured, okay, he's got to break character eventually. No, he stayed in clown mode the entire time.

No. It wasn't like he just like, yeah, let's have a beer and hang out. Tell us a bunch of clown. This guy's kind of kind of interesting. You got any stories? No, he stayed in clown mode the entire afternoon. He's a method actor. That sucks.

That really sucks. And you just couldn't find it in your heart to tell him, just pay him what you owe him and tell him to go home? I just think that's eventually we did. We're like, hey, well, hey, this has been really fun, man. but enjoy the rest of your weekend and thanks for coming by. One of the greatest scenes in the history of the sitcom Cheers was Cliff Clavin telling the group at the bar about when his mother hired a clown for his eighth birthday

and no one else showed up. None of the other children in the neighborhood showed up, so it was just Cliff and the clown for two and a half hours. That's so perfect for Cliff. I don't know if anyone can find it on YouTube, but it's one of the funniest. Someone sent me a picture, Josh, You know, what do they call it? Photoshopping.

And it's Quinn Hughes on the bench for Team USA looking vacant, and he's surrounded by dead Victorian children. That's awesome. Oh, no. Oh, my gosh. That's so good. You see this? He just looks like a tortured individual sometimes.

Those kids. Where'd you find those little kids? I don't know where they found those dead Victorian children. A fella named Zachary Schubert. He's an Olympic volleyball player. think for Australia. Oh, when he's not doing that, he runs a cricket farm. That's got to be annoying as hell.

Get him in your hair. Oh, you hear them always. They get in your hair, do. They get down in your pants to crickets. God, I freaking hate crickets. Cricket farm. What would you raise crickets for? Feeding to lizards and whatnot, I bet.

Yeah. I don't know what else you do. You sell them to fishermen or something, I don't know. I don't know. We bought black crickets in our day to feed lizards. Yeah, bearded dragons. Come on, Randy Schaeber. You're an Iwoeigen.

You never spent a weekend at a cricket farm? No, of course not. And finally, here's a guy or gal from Minnesota. Corey Dropkin won a bronze medal for curling is a real estate agent. Did we talk about that person? The oldest Olympian, the guy from here is a lawyer. Is that maybe what you're thinking about? Maybe.

We talked about from TSR law? Maybe. People want us to post the picture of Quinn Hughes surrounded by dead Victorian children. Yeah, I can do that. I asked the guy if he made it because I want to give him credit if he did. So we'll see what he says.

Oh, man. Will you send that to me or just tell me who is from? It's 7-63. Well, there's a lot of those. Oh, yeah, shoot. I should have done the last four. So that was your best hint at what number sent us to? Yeah, my bad.

I just wanted to do it as, quick as possible. Oh, he said that, or she, I guess, said that they used AI to make it. So, yeah, I will post it. It's bigger when it's warm out. Jesus said that the guy who raised crickets on the cricket farm, he did that to sell them to people who tell bad jokes. Oh, my God. I love you. That one took me a minute. Yeah, I thought, uh-oh, I got to hit it right now.

That was good. And then there's a talk in the town here, Randy Shaver, of a youth hockey game here that went bananas. It lasted three days. It lasted three days? According to the story, I don't know if I'm buying it, but according to the story, there was a girls, youth hockey game, 12-year-old kids, cottage. They're into the district playoffs now. So I guess they ditched that hour clock and they play until you get a winner. So the Cottage Grove girls were playing a St. Paul club, and they went 12 overtime sessions.

Oh, my gosh. They started the game on Monday. Ended in a tie. They played six overtimes, and everyone just said, let's piss on this and come back tomorrow. They came back tomorrow, they still couldn't settle it. They came back to the next day. That's crazy. I just score an own goal.

Slip a coin. I'm not doing it. I'm just not. So they went 12 overtimes on the first day, four overtimes to second day. The third day, oh, they played a couple, three more overtimes,

went to a shootout, finally ended. Why didn't they just go to the shootout earlier? I don't know. I don't know the rules. I don't know the rules. Was the rule 18 overtimes and then the shootout? But everyone's been talking about it. It's an all-timer.

They played for three days. Wow. Who was the state tournament game? Burnsville and Duluth. Before that. Apple Valley. Oh, it was Apple Valley. Apple Valley, Duluth East was that legendary.

Before that, in the mid-80s, there was, I think Minnetonka was involved, which, of course, angered everyone in the West Metro. In the mid-80s, Minnetonka accidentally made the state high school hockey tournament and played some colossal overtime game where they had to come back the next day. Duluth East and Apple Valley, they didn't, that was one night, right? Yeah, I think it ended like two in the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but the I'm telling you, I think I know what I'm talking about here

in 85 or 86. It was Minnetonka somebody they had to come back the next day. I think you're right. Because the rink attendant said, look, I got a piece of ass waiting. I'm not going to sit here all night long for high school hockey. More info on crickets from the brother and sisterhood. Of course, they have more info.

This is fascinating. I know. People are saying quite a few people have said it's also for human consumption. Where they like... Oh my gosh. Make them into like a protein powder or something like that. Oh, yeah, and people... They grind them up? They sell like straight up crickets at the store, too.

We've heard of people eating crickets before, haven't we? Yeah, I didn't know it was like a protein powder that folks were making. And people are saying, like, vegetarians can eat them. What was it that... What's Zach Perese's brother's name again? Jordan? What was it that Jordan ate in Vietnam? It was a penis.

He ate a lizard penis or something. Yeah, some sort of penis. That's not a joke, by the... the way, he legitimately ate some sort of animal penis. Yeah, it almost spoiled his lunch. I'll be here all night. Take your waitress. Oh, Randy Shaver, you've even mentioned this.

There's been a lot of talk about tanking this NBA season. Oh, it's a big story. Teams have been intentionally sitting good players for no good reason. Because the more games they lose, the better their chances will be at a strong. draft pick for the next year. The Sacramento Kings are the latest club to get their balls busted by fans and the media says here the Kings are shutting down another one of their best players for the remainder of the season. And they're actually shutting down two of them. Yeah. First, there was Zach Levine. Oh, well, first, I think they announced Demonis Sabonis,

a great player, season-ending surgery, and the same day they announced that Zach Levine is also having season-ending surgery. Yeah. They already have the work. record in the NBA. The decision to shut down two of their best players for the rest of the season. Everyone says it feels a lot like tanking. Well, the subonis thing, he was hurt to start the season and never really, he played about six, seven games and played decently, but then got hurt again. So his is a little bit more legit. Levin has been kind of, I shouldn't say iffy, but it's been kind of in and out. And they traded for him, remember, too.

So it's just been kind of a weird deal for him. So are you going to call it tanking or not? For them, I would say it's more injury-related. The Utah one to me is the tanking because... Jaron Jackson Jr.? Yep, Jackson Jr. and Marketon played, and they were winning a game. And then they sat him in the fourth quarter with no...

announcement as to why they sat the entire fourth quarter. Obviously, to lose the game, that was the reason. Then Jackson ended up having season-ending surgery. Well, I don't know. Let me ask you guys. And in all reality, Nick, the NBA, this is a serious thing because the NBA, I mean, they are trying to figure out how do we make teams play their best players. And how do we kind of keep the integrity of the draft? There's a lot of discussion going on right now about the NBA

and how to avoid this like next season and the year after down the road because it's an ongoing problem, this load management slash tanking. Some people take it very seriously. Others do not. I mean, I've heard plenty of NBA people say, hell if it was my team, I'd want them to tank. Yeah, but you're tanking before the All-Star break. I think that's where people have a real issue.

The timing is a problem with some people? Well, yeah. I mean, your fan base deserves better than that. I'm sorry. But let me ask you. I don't disagree with you. This is not anything that I really think about too deeply. But just let me ask you, all of you is,

if the wolves had the worst record in the NBA right now. And they've had in the past. Sure. Wolves had the worst record in the NBA right now. And we all knew deep down, they made up an injury to Anthony Edwards and they made up an injury to Julius Randle and said, oh yeah, those guys are hurt. They're sitting up the rest of the season. And we all knew they were only doing it to try to get the first draft pick next year. Would it really bother you that much? No, not at all. I think it will really know officially if a team is tanking if they signed Mark Madsen into a 10-day contract to go there and chuck up some threes. Mark Madsen. Remember that one for the Timberville? and that was like the ultimate example of tanking. Mark Madsen shot like 10 three-pointers in a fourth quarter. I don't think the wolves have never really had to, quote, unquote, tank.

No, because they never had to. They just have to exist and they'll be near the bottom a lot of those years. But what would you rather see, that first draft pick next year or they stay competitive all the way through? But you're not in this day and age of the NBA. You are not guaranteed to get the first. Well, no, it increases your odds. Of course. But we all know that that's not a guarantee either.

So that logic in some ways doesn't necessarily work. Yeah, you can tank for Shaq and end up with Christian Leitner. What does this say? This is funny. So someone on social media wrote this about the Sacramento Kings, shutting down Subonis and shutting down Zach Levine. They said the kings are turning to surgery to hit the ultimate. tank accelerator. The front office is probably popping champagne bottles.

I will say this, the discussion about the draft, there are supposedly four really great players that would go in the top four picks of the NBA draft that are not quite Cooper flag, but they're in that ballpark, that there are four players that everybody kind of covets. so there's a reason to tank for those kind of great players.

Listeners have texted in and say they don't, it wouldn't bother them if the wolves intentionally tanked unless they were still paying top dollar for their tickets. Well, that's the problem. Yeah. They should offer up a refund or a discounted ticket if your team is tanking. That's a problem. Right.

A lot of money to go see a basketball game. Yeah. It does. Unless you're me and Cubby, we get them for free. And it used to be that, at least for the Timberwolves fans, it was actually sometimes more exciting to see players from the other team come, the great players, the Michael Jordans of the world, those guys, to come play. Well, if those guys aren't going to play, you know, that takes away from the experience.

I saw Shaq when he was with the Los Angeles Lakers four or five times. He never played. Oh, that sucks. Really? Some bitch always sat on the bench. Oh, that's too bad. You know who started all this is Greg Popovich. Yeah, you're right.

The San Antonio Spurs were the first ones to do quote-unquote load management and sit veteran players. And they're the kind of the, they were the godfathers of load management. University of, yes, Randy, continue. And it's obviously taken to extreme levels now throughout the league. University of Nebraska head coach Fred Hoyberg lost his cool with a chicken dick college kid following Nebraska's upset loss to the Iwoegens on Tuesday night. Did you see video of Fred?

I did not. I can't imagine Fred getting mad. Yeah, Fred gets mad. It's on 93X.com, Randy. The Hawkeyes beat the cornhuskers in Iowa City. Of course, because of social media, the students rushed the court after the game was over. Now, it doesn't matter who you beat now. if they're in the top 35 now you rush the court.

One Iwo-Egan college kid pointed his cellular telephone a little too close to the mayor. Well, that's... And Fred tried to slap it out of the kid's lube-covered hand. Why do you have lube on his hands? He's a college kid. Well, sometimes you don't know what those kids are going to do, too, right? They might have lube on their hands. Thought to hang onto a phone.

I will officially apologize to Fred. They should. You would if you were that college kid? Have lube on my hands? No, apologize? I absolutely would. But yeah. Fred was trying to get through the handshake line.

He was feeling a little pissy about the ballgame, understandably. Yeah, yeah. And the kid got a little too close to Fred with his cell phone. It says here that he might get a fine from the Big Ten for what he did. It's kind of like what happened at that North Carolina Duke game, too. Do you? Where things got completely obvious. of hand and the opposing team had a very hard time getting off the floor without being harassed.

So what the hell? Yeah, yeah, it's similar to, you see it all. Like I said, if your team beats a team in the top 35 now you rush the court so you can be on TikTok and be on Facebook and look, it's me. I'm on the court. I'm going to assume because you haven't said anything that they didn't rush the court at Williams Arena last night with the 4,000 people. there to watch go for women's basketball upset Ohio State.

I don't know anything about that event. I'm sorry. Go for women last night won their ninth straight game. Damn, I forgot all about it. They beat 10th ranked Ohio State, and they actually beat them pretty good. Oh, well, that's wonderful. And they are two games left of the season. They're now 21 and 6.

But the sad part is I looked at the attendance number this morning, 4,000 people at the game. Well, I didn't even want to walk out to my mailbox last night, let alone go to Williams Arena. You know what? That's a good point. I don't know what the weather's like there. Oh, yeah. We got blasted, Randy. Okay. Well, that's probably why then.

Okay, that threw me. I was wondering why you kept mentioning the low attendance. Yeah, the weather was terrible last night. Okay, there were 300,000 car accidents. Yeah, a lot of things were canceled. Oh, gotcha, gotcha. Okay. Well, that makes sense. Christmas. Oh, man, this is a little early to campus.

Well, first of all, congratulations to the gophers because they're playing lights out basketball right down. I feel terrible that I forgot all about it. Roll the both guy you might and go over Big Ten Network. They have a game on Sunday. Then their last game of the season is a week later on Sunday. And I think that's when they announced the tournament pairings. So this gopher team, you know, I'm sure, well, I shouldn't say that. They have to play the Big Ten tournament.

And then they announce the tournament pairings. But this gopher team should make the tournament the way they're playing. Go ahead. that'll be fun. Regardless of maybe how they finish in the Big Ten tournament, but that can obviously help them quite a bit too. Let's see if I got any great news here from Twin Spring Training. Nothing. Zero.

Pablo Lopez, he's heard again. Yeah, we know that. No, no, it happened. If something else happened. He did it to the other elbow. Yeah, the other elbow. No, he didn't. I'm kidding, of course.

The other elbow gave way. He was a... He was having a thumb war with one of his teammates. Tommy John over a thumb war. You know, a friend of mine fooled me. It would just be the twins to have that happen, right? Remember when Kirby's eye fell out? Yes, very sad.

Started the end of his career. A friend of mine fooled me. Said, you hear about Kirby's eye injury? How many years ago? Is this 30 years ago? And I said, yeah. And he goes, you know how it happened, right? And I said, no, it was a thumb war.

He was having a thumb. He thumbed himself in the essence. Are you kidding? I told you yesterday I can be very gullible. I bought it at first, that Kirby, his eye fell. I was happy to read that Paul Molitor is apparently going to work alongside. I love it. Play-by-play dude, Corey Provost, regularly this baseball season.

He's going to be one of the rotating analysts for the twins this year. I like that they do the rotation thing. I do, too. Keeps it fresh. Yeah, it's cool. I dig it. I do too. And I'm really happy that Paul is a part of this twins organization in one way or the other.

I just think that's a great thing for the twins. Oh, it's a bonus. Yes. LaTroi Hawkins, of course, did a lot of games with Provis last year, but now LaTroi is working for the team again. On the field. He's coaching. What is he? A bullpen coach?

I think he's the bullpen coach, yeah. One of my favorite athletes ever, if you never saw him play for Real Skies when he was a big leaguer, you just don't know. Paul Moliter. He is simply one of the most incredible. hitters to ever play the game. I've told that story before when we had Glenn Perkins on. There was that season when I was at my last job, and we were the radio home of the twins, and we found out we got to interview Paul every Friday, and I was just over the moon excited.

And he's a very nice guy. It was so great. I was so pumped up. Talked baseball with Paul Maldor all summer long. Oh, sorry, go ahead. No, go ahead. I was going to say, and then that's the year that they started out like 12 and 32. So we ran out of things to talk about real quick.

Yeah. Well, that could happen this year, too. Was that his first year as a twin? I think so, yeah. Like 95, 6? No, you would have still been in high school. Oh, no, I was thinking it was the first year as a manager. Oh, manager, sorry.

When did Molitor come over here in the mid-90s? I want to say the early 90s, right? 95 or 6? That's my guess. He and Winfield were together, I believe. Were they? Yes, I believe they were. 96 to 98.

Okay, 96. Yeah. You know, me and my pal used to always go to the home opener. And this pal of mine obviously wasn't watching a lot of sports center that spring. Because we're at the dome, home opener. They're announcing the entire rosters, as they do for home openers. And old Bob Casey there on the mic, you know. In center field for the twins, 34-carbri-Puck.

Right field. Pedro, Munoz. He's going through the whole roster. Right? And Bob Casey says, designated hitter, Paul Molitor. And my buddy says, huh? When the hell did the twins get Paul Molitor? I said, Jesus, balls. They signed them like five months ago. Happy surprise for that friend of mine.

Did you guys know that there's a documentary, by the way, this same friend who I was just telling you about, who did not know Paul Molitor was on the roster even at the home opener, the same friend of mine told me there's a documentary going about the 82 Milwaukee Brewers. Oh, no. I don't know where you can find it. You can look it up, but this friend of mine watched it. It's a documentary about that 82 Brewers team that went to the World Series only to lose to St. Louis. Right.

And how crazy the town went during that stretch of time. Is it called Just a Bit Outside? I don't know. Oh, Yucer. Yeah. Just a bit outside. I'll go along with it. And such characters on that team, too.

Oh, my God. Gorman Thomas and guys like that, right? Jim Gantner, Pete Vukovic, Gorman Thomas, Raleigh Fingers. Yes. You know, Ted Simmons. Oh, man. Ted Simmons, who now looks like an assassin. Yes.

If you watch the Hall of Fame induction every summer like I do, and I get emotional when they introduce the old-timers, all the guys who have already been inducted. Guys that I grew up watching. Right. Ted Simmons, the last couple of times I've seen him at the Hall of Fame induction has slick back gray hair like Pat Riley used to do it

and it's long and he wears a pair of dark sunglasses. He looks like a movie assassin. But anyway, apparently there's a documentary out on the 82 Brewers if you want to see what Paul Molitor and those guys did back in those days. Imagine the damage like he and Robin Yount and Gorman Thomas did when they had nights off in Milwaukee in the early 80s. pack of lunch. Good Lord.

Speaking of documentaries, it came up yesterday, we talked about the ABA. I know it's on Amazon, they have a five-part docu-series about the entire history of the ABA. Oh, they do? Yeah, I'm going to check that out. I think that looks pretty cool. I'd like to see that. I'd like to see. I grew up with that.

That was something, I loved the ABA when I was a kid. I'd like to see just how desolate it got for a few of those ball clubs. You know what I mean? They didn't have any money. They could barely afford. to pay the players. They could barely afford to bust them from town to town. Yeah, but you know what, though? Their impact, Nick, changed the entire NBA. Oh, yeah. Julius serving. Yeah, they were competing against the NBA for great talent,

and they were getting some great talent, and it changed everything. There you go. Tomorrow we'll cut loose with the final, final, Randy Shabry, but you've done great work so far. Well, you know I'm not on tomorrow. Tomorrow's his off. I have grandchildren arriving tonight, and I think it's going to be chaos. Hey, look. Here.

You're going to be here tomorrow. You're going to need a break. I know a lot of folks with grandkids who still go to work. I understand that, but they arrive at like 1.30 in the morning, so I don't think that they're going to be. Same time. Thanks, Randy. See you. See you later.

We'll be back with more here in a few minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special.

$45 off an AC-tune-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheeding.com. Providing the comfort you deserves since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. or go to Bialki law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Vince Colonais is redefining news talk with The Vince Show.

It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to take this thing to the next level. These gigantic shows, this is going to be so much fun. It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live-collar interactions, and a front-row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories.

We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93. Yeah, I'll tell you this right now.

We got our fingers and our toes crossed. For any of you sorry bastards who are trying to get summers today by way of a motor vehicle. We hope we can be some type of company for you. As you deal with this cute little winter storm, that swept through town. Thanks for listening to the half-ass morning show. Word life to the plow dicks. Always word up to you, plow dicks,

for clearing us a path by God. Mother Nature turned on us, Cubby. Yeah, it did. A bit of a surprise for a lot of us. Rude. She frigging turned on us. We knew up north was going to get it, but it sounds like it's pretty bad.

I mean, we keep getting emails from coworkers saying, yet, not coming in today. Not going to do it. Thankfully, we have this home broadcast set up, but I don't even know how to say it. All right. That has been talked about for a long time. Thankfully, we're all separately at home this morning using our home broadcast equipment.

We didn't even have to leave the house. After like the fifth email from an employee coworker saying they were also going to be working from home, I thought about replying all and saying, just for the record, all four members of the half-ass morning show made it into the office. Yeah, if we made it, you can make it. Right. Yeah. All right, here we go.

You know, I hope that our listeners know that we're always here to help you out. like I was saying, we got our fingers and toes crossed for you. We're always hoping for the best. And anytime you need us, we're here for you. The text machine is always up and running if you need to lean on us. No matter what your problem might be. The Luther Kia-Bloomington text line, 651-9-89-93-90. What did I say?

You forgot the Kia part. What did I say? You just said Luther-Bloomington. Oh, Luther Kia of Bloomington text line. Thank you, Cubby. 651-9-89-93-93-9. We can't promise we have all the answers, but we're willing to try by the grace of God. I bring this up because a listener texted looking for our help,

and I'd like to see which way we can go with this on his behalf. Here's the text. Help! Exclamation. Point. My wife caught me whacking it last night. Off to a great start so far. This is from Dinky-Doo Trucker, But Jesus.

My wife caught me. caught me masturbating last night. She didn't say anything. She just grabbed a mountain dew. What were you in the refrigerator? Were you in the living room, dude? Kitchen living room, sure. Maybe they have an open concept.

He's a kitchen whacker. She just grabbed a mountain dew. And she went back to bed. Do I pretend nothing happened? We've been married for nine years. And this is the first time she's caught me. Who wants to begin? Yeah, let her bring it up.

So you're advice... She's the victim in this situation. She had to see that monotrosity. Well, I hear what you're saying. Maybe he should have done it someplace more private, but, you know, she did walk in on him. I guess I don't know how to feel about that. If you were in the living room, that matters, then it's on you.

And if... I mean, did you know she was awake? That's just, this is so balty. Well, she went back to bed. That indicates that he assumed she was. was asleep. The fact that she grabbed a mountain dew leads me to believe that he was in a common area. That's crazy. That's bold. So your advice Ashley would be let her bring it. Don't don't you friggin say a word about that. Let her bring that up. Yeah, that's her choice. What's wrong with you,

she might say? I would follow her to the bedroom and beg for forgiveness. Depending on her reaction. I mentioned you guys before. I had a buddy whose marriage ended because of that. She caught him. He was on the couch. She was in the bedroom. He thought she was sleeping. She came out, caught him, and never got over it. She had to divorce him for that. Yes. Oh, my goodness. I would very much prefer not to catch my husband doing something like that, yeah. I wouldn't want to catch your husband doing that either, Ashley. That's, I don't need to see his face during something like that. I imagine it's different than regular sex. I'm good. I'm good on that. What would you need to know what he was looking at? I would be very interested. You would? I see, I don't think I'd want to

want to know. Yeah, I actually that's so funny that you bring that up. Just in case. Because, you know how like, well, Josh, you know, Nick, you probably have no idea. So sometimes YouTube will send you suggestions on videos to watch and it'll pop up on your lock screen or your home screen or whatever, just a little notification. And his was like, it was a bunch of Chinese symbols. And I was like, he's like, why did I get, you know, why did this get recommended to me? I've never watched a video like this and I looked on him and I was like it's because you're watching anime porn aren't you? That's got to be

it. That's got to be it dude. You're watching tentacle porn. You're watching anime porn. Did he watch? Is he watching? No, no. He would never. He doesn't even watch porn. We talked about sex toys the other day and I started on like the ads in like articles. There were sex toy ads

that has never happened before. I'm sorry, sex toy ads popped up where? Like reading articles on my phone. Like for a couple days They were like Because we like The ones we talked about popped up Oh that's great

That your phone's listening that close Well and it was kind of you know Was it recently so like Valentine's Day It's that time of year? Yeah it was maybe last week Your phone has Our phones listen to us right This is this is a common thing that

And like with the ads That's happened before we talk We'll talk about something we haven't Like What were talking about Like gravel Or something like And it pops up.

Something just weird that I've never looked up. Right, but it hears you say it out loud. It must. So your phone has heard you say out loud before that you've never seen a sex to it. I've never seen one in person. Yeah, you've never seen one in person because we've had them here. Yeah, I've never seen what I mean.

Just to be clear to listeners. I've certainly seen one. Yeah. But never like. Never seen one in action. Never being intimate with someone who added. In a personal way. So your phone has heard that and it's trying to convince you to buy one.

Is that what you're assuming? Yeah, it was like a. week long this day it lasted it was like the exact one we described you know what's funny is we're trying to help this guy out dinky do trucker but jesus he says help my wife caught me whacking off last night she didn't say anything she grabbed a mountain dew went back to bed do i pretend nothing happened i've been married for nine years this is the first time she caught you know what's funny is back to that luther bloomington kea text line the majority of people are saying this what the hell kind of crazy person grabs a mountain

do and then goes back to bed. Yeah, it's overwhelming. I didn't even catch that. Me either. I was so focused on the masturbation as I do. And I suppose now that you bring it up, that's a lot more abnormal than masturbation. That's pretty weird. Absolutely. Dinky do trucker butt Jesus, the guy that this all happened to, texted in some more information. Oh. He said that he was in the living room and everyone was sleeping. Oh, no. What do you mean everyone? You got kids in the house? Yeah, I'm interested in that situation too. But he said that she walked out at the finish. Oh. That's like showing up on a fireworks display.

I'm going to skip the boring stuff and just go out to the grand finale. I wonder what that's like. The finish. If that's an orgasm ruiner or... Enhancer. I'm sure it feels a little different. A couple of people said, you know, he should have just asked to join in, but it sounds like it was too late. Yeah, of course, that's the...

Yay. You want a little piece of this, but it doesn't sound like that offer was on the table. all she did was grab a mountain do and walk the other way. Squeegee Jesus said the reason she grabbed that mountain dew is she just got done rubbing one out as well. Maybe that's it. A celebratory mountain dew. Like a cigarette after sex. What's really weird for me personally, dinky-due trucker but Jesus is your wife once caught me whacking out and she had plenty to say.

I couldn't get her to shut up with all the compliments. Anyway. Back to the phone picking up what you said. There's a few people texting in saying things we've talked about on the show. Their phones have picked up as well. so they've experienced it too. That's pretty creepy. I didn't know.

I thought I was safe from that. Apparently not. You know, what happened to your dinky do is pretty embarrassing, especially that she said nothing and just walked away. I agree with Ashley. Don't bring it up. If she's got something to say, she'll say it. But this shouldn't be a big issue.

This should not be a big issue. I'd be pretty mortified. Nine times out of ten. Oh, I know you would be, Cubby. nine times out of ten, you probably should have considered the bathroom. Living room probably wasn't the ideal spot for that. But I hope, I guess I should say, I hope this doesn't become a relationship problem.

In my opinion, it shouldn't. I wonder if it's a house where that's where the computer is. I'm assuming maybe I guess now you'd use your phone. I don't know. But I wonder if that's the situation. Because I can tell you, for a buddy of mine, that's exactly what his deal is. It was just one time, too. I mean, if this was like a, this was like her 20th time in the last year, I can understand that being.

Or if it was like Christmas morning or something? Yeah. Nine years of marriage, first time, shouldn't be a big deal. Back dimples, Jesus said she'd let hers whack. If it keeps them off me, eff it. I know a lot of women who have that theory these days. Even if he was in the living room, back dimples, Jesus? I wonder if they've ever talked about it where like she knows that.

Oh, probably. Yeah, he goes for it. Probably. Well, I told you guys before I had a girlfriend who started crying, like sobbing when she found out to watch porn. And what was crazy about this girlfriend is, of all of the crazy things she did, all the drugs, all the booze, all the weed, all the immoral things she did in her life, she somehow objected to porn? I love that. I'm sure I asked this last time, is she very religious or something? No, not at all.

And she was wild. She has no idea how hypocritical she's being. Exactly. No idea. No. Does she, I mean, take it as an insult as if she wasn't enough for you? Yeah, I think that's what it was. She was like, if I not pretty enough.

Oh, gotcha. Like the person we had in the building many, many years ago here at the radio station, who was a questionable character off, away from work. But took a stance against doing ads per Burger King because that's not good for you. I got a huge kick out of that. Oh, yeah. Did absolutely. every single drug imaginable.

Right. I mean, wrist STDs up and down. A salesperson said, you want to do some ads for Burger King? Are you kidding me? That stuff will kill you. And that girlfriend who cried about the porn, too, and I said she's such a hypocrite because she did so many drugs and drank so much booze. She was also the girlfriend.

I've told this story before, too. She said she had a surprise for me once. And she came over to show me, and she got a tattoo. It was on her rib cage, like from her back to her front. It said, give peace a chance. she did not live by that motto either. She was the angriest, shoddiest person I've ever met when her temper would fly off the handle on the littlest thing.

That's hilarious. But give peace a chance. Right. She was usually the one who destroyed the piece. Maybe it was just a reminder for her. Yeah, she needed that. Lift my shirt up quick. Oh, that's right. On her side?

Yes. On her rib cage. People are insane. Bottom line, back to the original conversation. masturbation shouldn't ruin a relationship, in my opinion. Dinky-Doo trucker butt, Jesus. The story that you tell Dana and the story that you tell Josh, that's insanity to me.

If masturbation ruins a relationship, that is your problem. I guess it all depends on the situation, though. Well, of course. If the guy's doing it in public or something, that aren't pictures of your mom. No, not even that drastic. Like, for example, I drive a Hyundai but ride your dad. Jesus said that my thing about my man watching porn is I'd better be getting some often if you're

watching porn because if I'm not getting any and you're watching porn, then I'm going to think something's wrong with me and I got a problem. Yeah, you do have a problem. When they talk about porn addiction, that's what they say, right? Like, you know, go ahead, jack it as much as you want, but if it's getting the way of a regular sex life, that's when it might be a problem. Yeah. More anxiety than hair Jesus said is because some people legitimately believe watching porn is

exactly the same as cheating. Yeah, I know people like that. Right, right, right. Yeah, we understand what they're thinking. It's just crazy. That's a very interesting text, though. Thanks for, again, that's an uncomfortable situation. That's why we're here.

Part of the reason why we're here. We're willing to help out however we can. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Maybe next time you need to do it, just call me over and I'll stand guard by the door to make sure nobody walks in the room with you. I'm sorry. Creepy Dana in the corner, you're kind of a cuck at that point.

You're going to go to his home and be the lookout guy while another man masturbate. You can just hear it in the background? I got time on my hands. Oh, he's speeding up. Is it a random act of kindness week? Didn't we talk about that? I'm glad time is the only thing you got on your hands that, pal. This person says there's a comedian that part of his bit was he would yell things like, I want to buy a dildo,

just so the audience would get dildo ads on social media or reading news articles and stuff like that. Very clever. I did that to my wife's phone around the holiday season. She, like, walked the bathroom. I picked it up Josh Allen, Josh Allen, Josh Allen, Lego, Lego, Lego, Nintendo, Nintendo. Oh, yeah. Did it work? Did it work?

Yeah, with, like, marriage. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, no, she would get Target to ask for that stuff all the time. That's funny. Oh, let me tell you this. Oh, back dimples. She's got back dimples to us. She said it's okay if her man wax off in the living room as long as it's not in her recliner.

Yeah, there should be rules. What the hell? Why does my recliner smell like the ocean? Oh, clean up after yourself. We got to take a break. We'll be right. You don't have to clean up after yourself. It's a souvenir.

It's a souvenir. A souvenir for everybody in the house. Yeah. You want to close out the door? Close out the door, isn't what I meant to say. You want to close out the day talking about people who were caught masturbating? Yeah, this has been a pretty interesting topic. Great text coming in on it.

A few minutes ago, we were trying to help a listener out, a listener out. Last break, I don't know how to talk. We were trying to help a listener out. He texted in and said, his wife caught him whacking off last night. She didn't say a word. She just walked back into the bedroom. What do I do? Oh, we said this, we said that.

Listeners texted in with advice for this guy. Tell me what you make of this advice, Josh. Okay, so last night the wife catches him whacking off. She doesn't say a word. She goes back to bed. One of our listeners says, dude, don't say anything. Stare at your wife all day.

Stare at her. And then do it again tonight, fully knowing that she'll catch you again. No, psycho. And then see what she said. Psychotic. What do you think of this saying? This person says,

just remember, it's always better to walk in on both your parents doing it than just one of your parents doing it. I would have to agree. You know, I thought about it, and I think you're right. I think that is very true. I'd much rather see that as much as it mortifies me

versus just one. One of our dude listeners got caught masturbating by his wife, and she said, when did you learn to do that? Another listener said his wife swung open the door, and there he was, was masturbating.

And she said, what are you doing? Get in the house. This is terrible. I've never heard of anything like this afore. One of our listeners, Mother! Caught him masturbating. And there was some kind of short-circuiting

in his body. There was something about the combination of bringing himself to orgasm and the stress. of his mother walking in and the up just oh my god like that whole the combination of those two bodily functions or whatever you might want to call caused him to have a seizure oh geez oh okay I thought you were going to say it caused him to like you know turn look at his mom and then finish right then and there honestly a seizure might be better I thought the same thing was about to happen that I was so scared I would at least fake a seizure I don't know what I was

doing. I was actually just having a seizure. And you'd get away with that. I would. I've never heard of that before. Well, stress can cause seizure. Then you're half naked having a seizure. Your mom's... Worse than half naked. Half naked with a boner. It's flopping around.

Stress can cause seizures. Sure can. Can you imagine his mother? She wants to help him, but at the same time. Right. At first, she's thinking, oh my, how can you... Honey, are you okay? He's flopping like. like a croppy with a heart on. I've never heard of that before.

It sucks. I had a seizure in my underwear in front of my mom, and that was bad enough. Oh, no. That was bad enough? What were you doing in your under? What was a Catholic kid doing in his underwear in front of his mother? Well, I just got out of the shower. What was your mother doing in the shower with you?

She wasn't in the shower. She was on the toilet. You pulled on your underwear. Yeah, I pulled on my underwear's, and I felt it called. coming on. Oh, see you. And I'd had seizures before. I wasn't diagnosed with epilepsy yet because they always attributed it to something else.

I had seizures before and I knew, oh, my gosh, something's about to happen. And my mom was doing the laundry, which is right outside the bathroom. And I opened the door just to tell her mom, I don't feel so well. And I fell back, cranked my head on a toilet. Oh, is there a chance to she saw your peepee? I don't think so. I had my boxers on. So wasn't a boner-inducing seizure?

No, nothing like that. No boners around. He's so lucky. But I was pretty embarrassed. She saw me in my underpants. Oh, no. Because normally there's no way you would ever allow your mother to see you in your underwear. Oh, God, no.

Right. No, no, no. Here's a guy in our listening audience who said he caught his wife running her tooth chipper 5,000 while he was asleep. That's pretty cool. Yeah, I've always heard that's like every man's dream. I've never seen that. I'd like to see that. He said he rolled over and never brought it up.

Oh, really? Oh, my gosh. I think my husband would jump out of bed. He'd be so excited. It's a missed opportunity. They must have a different kind of relationship. Everybody's different, Ashley. That's true.

Bug-I-Wagan Jesus said, that kid, he got caught by his mom having a stroke, and then a seizure? Crazy he survived. Oh. What happened to your son, ma'am? He had a stroke and a seizure. He had a stroke. Well, it's not what you're thinking.

Right. Josh, give me a favor. What? The next time I cough, kill me. Smother me to death. Smother me to do. I don't know how you're doing it. That would piss me off so much.

Another one of our listeners texted in. He said, we, meaning he and his wife, have three kids and we both have jobs. The only free time I have for solo activity is when we're in bed. So he said one night, this is the conversation he and his wife briefly had. His wife, seriously, stop shaking the bed. And he said, this is happening one way or another. You're either in or you're out. That's from passive-aggressive code monkey, Jesus.

That's awesome. He said it's going off at one point or another here. You want to be part of this or not? There's not a cap I got to pull off this thing. It's going. To quote Andrew Dice Clay. Thanks for your stories. They're a lot of fun.

Oh, that was good. Happy birthday to Dragonheart, Jesus. Jesus, true eater, Jesus, and sugar bear Jesus. And to you, thank you very, very much for being nice enough to tune in this morning. Stay safe and Godspeed. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird. special, $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.