93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Surprise, It's a Finger!

Episode Date: August 21, 2026

Here's your towel... hoe. Ashley boned herself. Everything you've ever wanted to know about fart corner. Originally aired August 21, 2026. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Right from the get-go. Well, that's exactly why I brought it up, Josh. I don't want anyone to go in and, I want everyone going into the weekend with a clear mind and body. I want to say thank you to the folks that work so hard to get 280 back open. Freeway. Ashley and I take every day. A lot of people take that freeway every day. I'm sure plenty of people feel the same as we do.

It's been close since April. I think they got it done a few days early even. So that's great to have that back. Much appreciated. It looks beautiful. Drives beautiful. Well, they needed that bad boy open before the fair, right? That was the goal.

I mean, can you imagine if that was shut down for the fair? No. It's kind of like, you know, you guys know I've had years. of people fixing my garbage house. And I miss. By the way, that's the first time you've ever referred to it as a garbage house. I feel like maybe it's just been in my head. I seem to remember me saying.

I always try to be a dick and remind you that you've spent all this money in time on a garbage house. This is the first time you've ever said it out loud. It's less garbage. I brought it up at home. It feels good to say it out loud, doesn't it? Definitely come up at home. Oh, you've mentioned it to the wife. Yeah.

I feel a sense of loss in the way that I miss seeing the guys, you know. I miss seeing the folks that were working at the house. And now I like to, you know, kind of wave at the folks working on the freeway there on the way home. You know, they say kind of slow, get slow everybody down on the way through the construction area. Oh, I never got to see them. You actually have your home to yourselves now. The work crews have moved on, you're saying. Somebody's coming today.

But yeah, for the most part, this year it had this year it's been. Just us, just the family. I'm happy for you 280 types. That must have been a pain in the ass. It was, especially when the U of M was still in classes. There's still school was still in session because all those kids down there because we're right next to campus. A lot of traffic.

I'm so happy. I don't have to be afraid of smoking a kid anymore. They just run crazy down there. It always makes me nervous. God, you were such a mom. I know some of you folks. listen that we're working on it. Deep Dickens Jesus checked in and said, you're welcome, bra.

So much, much, much appreciated. Well, that's a nice start to your weekend, huh? Yeah, I didn't, I knew it was going to open today. I saw some articles saying, yeah, great start. I saw some articles. I didn't risk it. I went the opposite way today. But when I drove by it, I made sure to, when I got here to text to Ashley and say,

guess what, today's the day. Merry Christmas. Very much appreciated. When 280 is in operation, it gets you, to work, much smoother, and it gets you home quicker to your garbage house. It does. And like you, Ashley, it's a little bit different. I come in through the St. Paul side, and I'm always worried.

A lot of times there's somebody that seems to be on a different planet who's dancing in the street or something like that in three in the morning. And so I do worry about, you know, something bad happening there where I run over a poor fella who's just out there not knowing where they are. The new way that I've been taking in the last couple months, I just realized maybe like two, three weeks ago that the exit that I get off on, there's a McDonald's right there that's actually open when I'm on my way to work, which is very rare. There's like nothing ever open. And I'm kind of glad that that temptation is gone because every single day when I take that exit, I look at that McDonald's and I'm like, it's today the day that I just get like 12 McMuffins and go to town before work. But now the temptation is gone.

Chronic shower masturbator, Jesus said he's worked close to 80 hours a week all summer to get 280 done. I love you. Yes. Kids on the mouth. Thank you so much. That's something that the article's mentioned, that these people were working so hard in so many hours that they were trying. And I hope they took care you like the article mentioned, that the people in charge are trying to think, how can we not make these folks go insane with that many hours working that hard?

Wonderful. Man. Definitely it is appreciated. My doctor took a route yesterday that some of you might be familiar with. The Hershey Highway. Oh, no. Yeah, mine's closed. I text you back. I was shocked because now it's usually a blood test.

If you see me walking a little bow-legged today, it's because yesterday I went ahead with our company ordered yearly physical, and he got me. Well, I've got one coming up. I think next Friday. and my guy, he's pretty good about it. You know, he doesn't want to do it. He knows I don't want to do it.

We had just met me in this doctor. Yeah, he was a new guy. Maybe that's why. Brand new. I don't know. I like, he's establishing dominance. Has a hell of a first date, Cubby. Did he?

I picture you in the doctor's office, like, running away from him. I considered it. It was our first date. I have a new doctor. And as some bitch decided on our first date to go prom night on me. How did it come up? Did he joke? Because every time I've had that happened, they've always kind of made a little joke to ease the tension. There was no jokes. I was confused and embarrassed myself. I don't know what the hell is going on. I don't speak doctor.

But he says to me, he says, since this is our first meeting, I'm going to be as thorough as I think is necessary. we'll take some blood this and that listen to my heart and this you know so he was kind of giving me a rundown as to what we were about to endure together on our first date and i heard him say prostate you know what's coming at that point well most guys would um that doesn't instantly mean anything to me because i don't pay attention and i like i said i don't speak doctor but i heard him say prostate we went on to other things. And then he says to me, after about five or ten minutes of jaw jacking and feeling me up, you know, here and there to make sure everything's in order. He says, when's the last time you had your prostate checked?

And I said, oh, well, not that long ago as far as I can remember, I had a colonoscopy or two. And he said, no, no, no, not a colonoscopy, your prostate. and I thought they were the same thing. You following what I'm saying here, Cubby? Yep. And he said, no. I could see why, because they both, just the same entrance, exit, depending on how you look at it.

Yeah, some people consider it an exit. Some people consider it an entrance. 100% exit. For you personally, yeah. And for a lot of folks. So I didn't understand exactly what was happening. But he said, no, no, no, not a colonoscopy. I'm talking about having your prostate checked.

And I said, oh, Christ. And he said, you know, with the fingers. And I said, oh, God, help us. I said, yes, I had that done once. Ah, I guess you know I'm getting old, Josh, because I'm no longer lying completely all the time to my doctor. Yeah, you used to do that. I always said, never tell the doctor the full truth,

because then they'll try to keep you. But I'll say this much, when you develop a little bit of a heart problem, it kind of scares you into honesty, and I've developed a little bit of a... getting older. And we are getting, so I was. Your insurance already knows you have a heart problem. You might as well as just tell them the rest of the truth.

So I was honest with the sum bitch. That was my first mistake. When he asked me when's the last time I had my prostate checked, I should have said, oh, God, earlier this morning. Yeah. In the parking lot before I walked in. I got a real close friend at work. He checks it every, but instead I told them that, I told them the truth.

I said, yeah, it's happened, but I said, I don't remember when it was. And I think it was 20 years ago. maybe 15. So he said, okay, let's get it done. Get your elbows on the table. And I'm going to give you all five fingers here, son. Yeah. Whoa.

Did he like make a point out of the snap winning? He did put on a glove, right? Or did he want to feel it? I don't know. All right. He lubed it up, of course. Felt pretty dry to me. Oh, no.

So, God, our insurance sucks. But I'll tell you this much. And I said to myself, you dumb bad. You should have lied to this guy. But I got myself into position. Josh, tell him the joke. It's the American taxpayer. The American taxpayer position.

I love that joke. I got myself ready. And he told me, hey, man, it's going to be 10 seconds. And I'll be out of there. Longest 10 seconds of your life? Oh, yeah. He more gave me three or four. seconds. So I got to give them credit. Does you feel like you're cheated? No. You owe me seven seconds.

Dana, you have a very different idea as to, we have different ideas of what is pleasure and pain, I guess, because I think maybe Josh, maybe, and he told me my prostate was beautiful, but maybe when he told me 10 seconds and then only gave me three, that was like a mind deaf? You see what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like when they say... Under promise over deliver. It's like when they say they're going to give you a shot and they count down to three and they're like, one, two, shot.

Right. Same thing if they're going to reset your shoulder. Yes. In the movies, they always say on three and then they do it on two. So I think that was his way of when he's in the process of reaching his entire elbow deep when he's in the process and it turns out a lot shorter than I expected. that is maybe to make it so next time I come in for that I'm not so afraid of it, right? You see what I'm saying?

So anyway. Was there a new guy working in the corner or anything? No, everyone there was a very seasoned veteran. Nobody's puking their guts out. No, no. Was there a student? If a new guy would have been in the room, I'm certain that he would have found the corner. No, it was just me and him.

Like I said, it was their first date. You don't bring company on a first date. Yeah, I've had first dates where they brought. company. Oh, that's not a first date then. You may remember for a while it seemed like anytime I went to the doctor they would bring students in.

It was usually, I had an embarrassing thing going on. So maybe they just wanted to come in and all laugh. One guy had a bow tie. I'd never seen that before in a doctor's office. Oh, that's adorable. As we've mentioned before, you've been abused. I hate when they ask me that because, am I going to say no? No.

There's only one time I ever thought about saying no and I cave. Interesting that you've had so many experiences where they invite a crowd in to check your genitalia. It's not just you and the doctor. He brings in an audience for it. I did not have that experience yesterday. It was just me and him. Biggest crowd was three students and the doctor. And the doctor was totally a jerk to him.

And your little pee-pee. Yeah, it's my penis. Yeah. I think more times than not I've had students in there when they're doing anything. I'm sorry? One more time? More times than not. More times than not.

I usually have, like, students in there. Yeah, you people are being, you people could file a lawsuit if you wanted to. I would probably be leaning more towards a no, though, if I was getting a pap smear. But then I think of the time that I have had students in there, and it's when, like, a. Papsmeared. Yeah, they really could have came up with a better term for that. No kidding. Josh, which naked gun movie was it where the bad guy's name was Papsmere?

How brilliant is that? Anyway, you were saying you've had a lot of company when you visit the doctor. Yeah. It's you and the doctor and then some kids from the local college and whatnot. Never during a papsonry, but one time it was I had mastitis, so you get it from breastfeeding or just like from making milk, I guess. Milk. And stuff gets all like clogged and they have to like check out your boobs. And I was so like I was in pain and whatever.

I didn't care. And they're like, is it okay? We have some students. Like, yeah, get them all in here. Everybody can look at the boobs. It's fine. You guys haven't lived until you have a young college student, hoping to be a doctor someday,

grab onto your testicles, and then be treated so poorly by the doctor, start crying. That's when you know you're doing some real living. Wow. Yeah, I should be clear, it wasn't my weiner. Suddenly there were two people in the doctor's office crying. Yeah, there was certainly me. I walked in there crying,

She's supposed to be, I had what was called a vericasseal. And supposedly, you know, there's a, you can feel like it's gross, but like a bag of worms behind the nut. I think that's the technical term. Yes. And so he's like, all right, grab a hold of these guys and let me know what you feel. And she wasn't able to explain it very well. He started yelling at her and she started crying as she's holding on to him.

So embarrassing. How did I get in this situation? Did you have the urge to protect her? Because I know who you are as a person. And I bet you felt like you needed to tell the guy, like, hey, stop being mean. Well, I just said, hey, dude, you know, it's going to be okay. Everybody's a little nervous in the room except for maybe you. Was this college girl still hanging on to your unit when she started crying?

Yes, and she was like, because she's trying to give them the answer. There's a joke there somewhere. I don't know where to go with it. Yeah. What I wanted it to, like, I'd love it if my wife would do that and just be like, crying because of how beautiful the moment is. Not because they're getting berated by some jerkwad urology. You've been wronged a few times at the doctor's office. No, no company, just me and him.

Naked Gun, the original movie from 19 and, what's that, 88 or 89, Josh? 88? I always have a year. My first instinct is always a year ahead of when it should be, or excuse me, behind. Leslie Nielsen, Priscilla Presley, Ricardo Montalban, George Kennedy, O.J. Simpson. That's one of those movies watched a ton as a kid. Oh, one of my favorites ever. and an actor by the name of Ray Burke played the character Papsmere,

which I remember even in the moment thinking, okay, I'm going to like this. I wish in some weird world that there would be a choice. Like you can either do a Papsmere or you can do what you just went through, Nick, because I would never get a Papsir ever again in my life. Oh, you think it would be worse? The Papsmere's worse? Oh, it lasts longer and they use a metal device.

Oh, the speculum is ever. That's called. And then they have to, like, get a Q-tip and, like, say, they mentioned the word scraping a couple times. I don't like that word. And your feet are up in those stirrups? Yeah. Yeah, women are texting in saying the same thing. Like, hey, if you think any of the prostate's bad, we got to go through this.

So you would always choose to go backyard over the past here. 100%. You know what helped me in those situations? I didn't like it. Yeah, it's awful. Now I don't think my guy will. I think we've got a relationship where we're not going to do that next week. but I always think this has actually helped me.

There's people that enjoy this kind of play. And so like when I did my first colonoscopy, oh, you mean in their personal lives? Yeah, so I just had to keep thinking that like, hey, this isn't going to be that bad. There's folks that do this recreationally, and they're not half knocked out. You know, they're not drugged up.

Yeah. But the finger, obviously, you got to bend over through that. Just take it. Yeah, it was a funny feeling. You know, and the process itself, of course, is it's a funny. It's an odd feeling to have another grown man's arm reaching up your insides. But the funny vibe, Josh, was once it's over, and I can pull up my pants and my underwears. How fast did you do that, by the way?

It's almost a race for me. I know. I'm sure you probably almost pull your lower lumbar out trying to get your pants on as quickly as possible. Casual? It was a natural amount of time for me to pull my pants and my underwear. But the funny vibe for me was then I spin around and then he and I are just talking. Yeah. And he said it feels just fine. Your prostate is batting a thousand at this point in your life.

But that was where I felt, how do we carry on a conversation now? But we did. We did. I wonder if he could see it in my eyes. I bet he's used to it. That I was still a little afraid of him. Yeah. I tried to carry on a conversation.

Oh, it feels good. Great, because I've been working on it. I didn't know what the... It's just the conversation there for the first 30, 45 seconds is really strange to talk to a man like we're friends after what he had just done to me. But overall, he said, Covey, despite a couple of glitches here and there, by damn, I still got it. That's great. Do they kind of, like, warn you that the process is happening? I guess a better way to explain it is when I get a pap smear,

they'll, the doctor that's doing it will usually like touch the inside of my thigh and then be like, all right, like here I am. I'm going to go lower, I'm going to go lower. All right, now we're getting close. Is it just like straight for the target? I know what you're asking. No, there's no warm up.

He doesn't pinch my ass a little bit. I was wondering if, you know, he's like, all right, here's my hand, I'm going to go closer now. Gives it a gentle blow. No, he doesn't. But now that you bring it up, though, I think the first time I was, what do they call the process? What was he checking again?

Your prostate. The first time a doctor reached up inside me and squeezed my prostate, I do remember that he spit on my lower back. But no, there's no subtle... Just surprise. Coming into the hangar. Coming into the hangar. Parents do and they're feeding their kid, you know, the spoon coming into the airplane. Here comes the airplane.

Oh, God. No, there's no subtle. rubbing or touching to it's just bar room. And then that out. Oh my gosh. Baroom. Squeak, squeak, out. Ashley, you should get your prostate check, though.

There's a blood test for it if you don't want to have them, give you the finger. Oh, that's awesome. Thank God. I don't mind getting my blood drawn. When's the last time you had your prostate check? Oh, hmm. Before I was pregnant, for sure. That's when you're supposed to do it as a lady.

When's the last time you had your vagina checked? My vagina, like, from a doctor? Yeah. It's like 13 days ago. And the reason I know is I go every 13 days. You're coming up on the two-week anniversary? Every 13 days. You got it.

You just got it as a man. I'll tell you this. Somebody wants to know if you hung your pants next to his. I like that one. Yeah, I love that old joke. When the guy says to the doctor before his prostate exam or colonoscopy, where do I put my pants? And the doctor says right over there next to mine.

Or what's the other one about feeling both their hands on your shoulders? Something along those lines. But despite what he's done to me, I do think that I will return. You found a good primary? I think so. They're always on me about finding one of those. And then I eventually did. and I saw her once

and I went to make another appointment with her and they're like, oh yeah, she left the clinic. I was all right. I went without a primary for 12 years. I guess I'm going to do another 12. I have one, but she's so popular. If I want an appointment in 2028, I better get on it. Yeah, that's kind of how it goes.

I know what you mean, Ashley, where it's kind of a revolving door at some places. I'm on my third. I had a lady before that, a lady before. Actually, you saw my lady once, Nick. It was the last set you were scrambling to get the physical done in time. Yes, I remember. This is still your doctor? No,

she left. She's since gone. I got a new guy now, but... I remember that. She was great. You had a regular female doctor for a while, and I was in dire straits and needed to get my work physical as soon as possible, or else they would throw me off the insurance or whatever the policy is around

here, and so I, last minute emergency made an appointment with your lady doctor. I don't really have any memories of her. This was 20 years ago, probably. Oh, that was a long time ago, yeah. Quite a few people are texting in saying that I was the one who was abused yesterday because they're saying their doctors just give them some type of a blood test to check the prostate. That's what I was saying. I texted you that yesterday.

I was surprised. Well, here's the thing. I just want folks to know there was blood. No. Oh, no. So just in case you're. I don't know if you did pass. I did.

I did. He said it was aside from the blood. it was. Progmental Jesus said his first physical in years. The doctor walked in the room and he said this statement, well, you're obese, not a high, not a low. First thing he said when he walked in. Oh.

He said he weighs 255 at 6 foot 2. That doesn't sound obese to me. Well, you know how that goes, right. Yeah. What are you? What are you, Josh? You're 53, 5, 5,4, 119 pounds or something? 5-9, 145.

and you, which is... You're probably considered underweight, yeah. You're built like a ninth grader. That's stupid. Like a muscular, handsome ninth grader, kind of like above his age type of thing I can pass for a college kid. No, not like the starting quarterback

on the ninth grade football team, more like the science kid who gets his ass kicked in the gym locker room. Go on. But where am I going with this? You're what, five, four, and 114. What did you say again? I already said.

but I bet I'm about 5'9 I have to throw in the about because I'm shrinking and 145. But I bet if you put on five pounds, you might hit that obese mark. Overweight, overweight, I bet. Probably. You guys, I mean, we've covered this up and down. The doctor's regulations for our weight is insane. It was mainly like 1945. It's insane.

What they consider overweight, what they consider obese. It doesn't make any sense at all. Oh, well, compared to, you know, the people that don't make any sense, you're actually a perfectly normal, healthy weight. So maybe you should follow it. But what if he put on five pounds? Let's see. Actually, he's on, he's like right in the middle.

So you'd be good for a little bit, but don't you dare gain like 15 pounds. Oh, if I gain 15 pounds, I'm obese. You're screwed. It is. Well, at least he'd be overweight, I bet at that point. Yeah. Because it goes from normal to overweight and then to obese. You guys know, it's not fair.

It's not fair. I mean, you can be completely jacked, right? So that's where your weight is, and you're considered obese. Right. Oh, by the way, and this was a first for me. I had to sit in line after me and my doctor went to prom. Then I had to sit and wait to give some blood. They had to take some blood.

long line for that. I'd never really experienced that, but Jesus, I was in a room full of people waiting to have the blood drawn. Yeah, that can take a while. About what appeared to be a 19 or 20-year-old kids sitting next to me, he fell out. Oh, no. Yeah, he... I mean, I couldn't see him because there was a curtain between the two of us,

but he was giving blood, just like I was. Not giving blood. What do they call that? They were sample. Sample, taking a sample of my blood. I didn't want to. Taste test. Pardon me? taste test.

Yeah. So I couldn't see the kid, but suddenly I heard the nurse say, we need an ice pack. Hit the button, and they hit a button, and burp, burp, burp, this alarm is going off, and then other nurses run into the room because this young kid had fallen out while giving blood. And then they're asking him, do you know where you are? You know, he's poor in sweat. At least that's what they kept saying.

Well, you're sweating quite a, they put an ice pack on his head. I had never seen that before. Or, I mean, again, again, I didn't see it, but it was right next door to me. where somebody couldn't handle the process of, and they were asking, have you had anything to eat? Did you drink last night? He was fine in the end. That's good.

Isn't your brother one of those? It's funny because he's such a big guy. He's a giant bitch is what he is. Oh, I wasn't going to say that. But it's funny, you know, when you have dudes that look like that, that look like they're scared of nothing. Right.

And then they're scared of, you know, needles. I know this much. Yeah, he does not like needles. He'll run screaming from a needle. Oh, I don't mind at all. to like the point where when I'm getting an IV put in or getting blood drawn,

they will like warn you. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, it's fine. I love it. Like I just like say that without even thinking of it. And then I'm like, wait, wait, that sounds bad. This is going to make me look like I use needles recreationally. Like, no, no, no, I don't love it. I just don't mind. And I think it's cool to watch it happen.

It never has bothered me getting a needle in the arm or wherever else they have to put it. Back to the old-fashioned prostate check. I always like to talk about my bro Hot Tub up there and lives up there on Breezy Point. Oh, nice here. Lucky. Been to a couple weddings there. He's a pimp.

He always has been. A number of years ago, you know, same age as I am, old Hot Tub. He went into the doctor and the doctor said, well, you're at that age now where I'm going to check your prostate. And Hot Tub being a lot smarter than me, he knew what that meant right away. like I was telling you earlier, I didn't really know what he meant when he said, I got to check your prostate. I'm thinking, that's how clueless I am. But the doctor says to Hot Tub, you're at that age where I should check your prostate.

And Hot Tub said, yeah, you're not going to do that. And the doctor said, well, don't you understand that early detection can help save you? And he said, yeah, it's not going to happen. And the doctor said, hey, you know, there's nothing to be afraid of. It's 10 seconds. And, you know, every guy in the world has to. do this at one point. It's better you do it now than

and Hot Tub just put on his coat and walked out. Said, no. You can do that. Chaos coordinator, Jesus, said she draws labs all the time and nine out of ten times, it's the guys, the big guys that are the ones that freak out over that.

The needles? Yeah. Yeah, you big guys are just a bunch of sissies. I had to call. Josh and Dana always say. Oh, constantly. I'm getting my attach. too finished. So far, it's just you big guys.

It looks great. It's expensive. A lot of ways you can go with it, too, now. It's expensive. You're checking with someone as to how to spell sissy? Yeah, I don't know which way to spell it. Is there a silent tea like tsunami? Is it Y or I don't? I'll have to Google it. There you go. Well, we got something to talk about. Dana, or you've got something to talk about. You got a big party.

Oh, yeah. I was going to ask people as we're going into the weekend if anybody has any gigs. I sure do. It's official 93x shine down pre-parties tonight that I guess this afternoon at Treasure Island Casino. Inside the Parlay Lounge, registration starts at 2.30. We're giving away things every 10 minutes.

So it's not one of those things where you register and you've got to sit there for two hours. We're snapping these things out. We've got upgraded tickets in the 10th row. VIP passes, even a shine down guitar. It's going to be a lot of fun, so come swing by. That guitar looks sick. Yeah, it's a Jackson, Nick. I've always wanted a Jackson.

I haven't had the opportunity or the finances to get one. but it's a sweet guitar. I saw that in the promotions office the other day, and I thought about stealing that sucker. Come by the parlay lounge. Maybe you can win it. Yeah, and then you can watch and see who wins it and then go become friends with them

just so that you can use the guitar. Oh, yeah, drug them and then take the guitar. My ukulele is a Jackson. No, it's not. A Jackson guitar. So Shindown's playing the big casino outdoor showdown. Yeah, the Treasure Island. It's going to be a lot of fun tonight.

cool band and the parlay lounge inside. These are very fun events. Like I said, the giveaways just keep coming and coming and coming. That's great. I love Treasure Island. It's so much better than when you have just one giveaway and folks have to sit there and wait for two hours. Right.

And the Mickelobaltar people will be there, $5.00 Mikhailab Ultras. Dude. Be a good time. What time does it start? Registration at 2.30s. Party starts at 3 o'clock. Oh, and also. God, dang, that is an early beer party.

The opener from Ashes to New are going to do a little acoustics at 2 right away. Oh, that's sweet. I love when they do that. Yeah, a lot of things happening. You're a fan of them guys, are you? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I love Shinedown. I'm super jealous. I remember many years ago we had those boys in studio. What I remember about them? They were very friendly. You know what else I remember about them?

What's that? Lots and lots of facial hair. They were a heavily bearded band. But this is 15 years ago or so. Yeah, I don't remember. Heavily bearded. Showoffs, right? All right, you bastards. Let's get moving in the right direction. appreciate you tuning in.

It's our wonderful Friday broadcast. Oh, sure, we'll drag Randy Shaver and Brad Rader into the scene a little bit later. Next up, we'll hit up the Stupid News Report back in a few minutes. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy.

So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. The U.S. Soccer Podcast. These players are battered and exhausted, but you don't hurt like this if you don't care about this team, about this country, about this game. You can feel the intensity.

The goals, the energy that, wow, look at us. Here in the U.S., I have got some news for you. There's so much more to come. My name is Megan Klingberg, and we're just getting started. The U.S. Soccer Podcast, presented by Henkel. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid News on the half-assed morning show. All right, yeah, sure.

We're ready for the Stupid News report here in just a couple of minutes, but first we were talking earlier. Yesterday, I went into the doctor's office. First date with my brand new doctor. This was all part of our company ordered physical. We've got to take one every year. I'm sure a lot of you have the same gimmick going on at your workplace. But me and this doctor first date, we went all the way.

The sum bitch attacked my little virgin prostate. Put his whole arm up there. He squeezed it. He snatched it right out of my body, Josh. Then he dribbled it and he dunked it. Oh, wow. And there was a foul. That's a lot worse than I ever had.

Did he twist his finger? I'm not even joking. Did he kind of give a little twist for something? some flare. Do you remember? I don't recall any twisting. Yeah, my guy did. He even got a free throw out of it. Some people have been texting in, men and women about their prostate exams.

Ironically, I think this would be considered ironic. One of our prostate exam stories comes from no butthole play Jesus. So I guess he's not 100% serious on that. He does have to allow a little bit of butthole play. He says his first prostate exam was fine, but it was the after words. It was later on that it was uncomfortable. So he says his doctor was kind enough to use an excessive amount of lube. My experience yesterday felt bone dry.

But anyway, this guy says his doctor used an excessive amount of lube. he slid in very easily. Thank you for that. But afterwards, he didn't hand me anything to clean up, which is, that's got to be a favorite moment amongst men when you do get that prostate exam. I forgot about that part. Sometimes you have to stand and wipe yourself now

in front of your doctor like you're a one-year-old. Yep. Okay, well, this guy, again, no butthole play. Jesus said his doctor didn't give him anything to clean up. So he says on the drive home, I felt like I was literally sliding all over my car seat. They have like paper towels in the room there. He didn't. Stop at the bathroom.

You had options. That doesn't matter anymore, Ashley. It's too late for that. He's in the car. Sometimes kind of you're mortified and shaking on your way out, Ashley. You just want to get out of the environment. That's true. It's like if you're being held kidnapped in a cabin somewhere, you just run.

Even if you have to pee. You don't stop and pee, Ashley. That's a great point. You just want to get the hell out of there. After what was just done to you, you don't want to think about some stuff. You don't want to make eye contact with anybody. Just get me out of here, get me into a safe place. Get me into my motor vehicle so I can go home.

Like a one-night stand that didn't go well. He just want to get the hell out. So again, he's sliding all over his driver's seat with all this lube between his ass cheeks. He gets home. the wife how gross he felt she says turn around he does and she starts laughing her ass off all that lube had soaked through his pants and underwears my gosh so he had a huge oily stain on his ass i'm assuming he says my stop at the gas station on the way home was amusing for those who saw I'm in.

It's kind of like how they used to, when I used to get ultrasounds, they would just, like, you know, they put all that gel on your belly. And then the person would just, like, toss a towel at me. Clean yourself up. Yeah, I always felt like, disrespected. Same with the ball trosound. Yeah. They just throw you a towel. I remember, I remember wiping my gear dry in front of a couple of young ladies when I had my ball trosound.

Yeah, I had two of them and both ladies. both, I'm going to guess, retirement age, but they were just passionate about what they did. Well, yeah, I wonder what it is about that when they throw you the towel. They are kind of rude about it.

Yeah, clean yourself up. Yeah. Hore. You disgust me. Why would you let me do that to you? It is very much like they're saying, clean yourself off, whore, I'm done with you. And the towel's not even clean. I can't believe you just let me do that to you, you whore. Here's your towel.

Here's your money. Get the hell out of the hotel room. I mean, I had an experience once where a guy broke my nose for me at a beer league hockey tournament. Sloppy, uncoordinated donkey that he was. It wasn't intentional. Dude follows through on his slap shot like a squirt hockey player, no control over his stick. And he wraps me in the mug, breaks my nose for me. had to go to the doctor's office in this tiny little town, tiny little town.

There was one doctor's office, and it was about the size of a gas station bathroom, tiny little joint. So my nose is broken. I'm bleeding all over myself. And the doctor lays me on my back. And he says, okay, I'm not going to use stitches. I'm going to use the glue. I said, I don't give a rat's ass what you do.

You know, just close it up for me. I got a tournament to win. This is beer league hockey. This is serious stuff. I can just get me back on the ice. So I'm lying on my back. And he glues the skin together right on the bridge of my nose. And he had to glue, you know, because the guy opened me up a little bit too, along with breaking my nose.

He had to glue me kind of right between the eyes, too. And he says to me, he says, okay, this glue might start running into your eyes. He says, tell me if you feel it on your eyes, because that's not good. And I said, okay. So he begins to glue the skin together. and I feel it start running down into my eyes. So there I am. I'm laying helplessly on my back.

I don't work at the doctor's office. He does, right? I'm laying there, and I feel the glue start running. And I said, okay, some of it's starting to run into my eyes. And he goes, well, get up and wash it off then. He hollered at me. And so then I hollered, I said, I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. You're the friggin' doctor.

I want to yell back, too. He points at the sink. Go right over there, wash it off. And suddenly I'm having a shouting match with this. I didn't understand what's. the hell was going. But, you know, small town, I'm imagining this guy assumed he was going to kick his speed up all day without seeing a patient all day long.

And I interrupted that piece for him with my broken nose. And I put him in a bad mood. We had a shouting match over skin glue. Armine Mechanic Jesus, he's having a bad morning. You were just reading attacks from No Butthole Play Jesus, who had all that lube and it soaked through his pants. Army mechanic Jesus said No butthole play Jesus

That's my dad And I didn't know that story Ew That's no way to find out On the radio Okay we covered this already Nurse practitioner Jesus is texting in And she says

OMG You dudes need to shut it With the whining about your prostate exam Now nurse practitioner Jesus We don't appreciate the attitude, number one. But number two, we covered this already. Ashley brought this up already. She goes on to say, women have a vagina jack inserted in them.

That's a great way to call it. And then they open it up and then their insides are scraped for we already covered Papp smears, nurse practitioner she says, try again later. Yeah, we can't obviously, we have no experience there. I'm sure it's worse. Ashley described it. It sounds much worse. Blocked. Blocked. It can be bad. Blocked. Oh, did we block her? We blocked her.

Hold on block you in a second. Now, we also discussed, when having this doctor's office conversation, we also discussed how silly it is. Your average doctor, their idea of an ideal weight and overweight and obesity and morbid obesity, their idea, their parameters there are out of whack. We all know that. it's insane what they consider overweight. I think even doctors now say this is a sham. We realize this. Here's a guy who texted in to say,

I love it when the doctor, who's more overweight than I am, tells me that I'm overweight. I hear what you do. Yeah, it always robs me kind of way when they're giving you, you know, advice on how to be healthier. And I'm like, you know, maybe read your own notes. Well, you know, even when I was a kid, there were doctors who smoked cigarettes openly in their

office with an ashtray. You would smoke sitting while telling you about your health. Okay. Back to the old prostate exam. Prom night. Here's a guy, Josh, who says yeah,

you know, your in-person prostate exam is cute. He says he has all of his prostate exams over Zoom. Oh, that's the way to do it. Yeah, he says that's the way to do it. Spend and spread? Yeah. I didn't even know they could do something like that. Yeah. Nurse practitioner, she's followed up.

Thought she was blocked. I unblocked her. He always, everyone that I block, he unblocks. Even the people I block, I instantly unblock. I cave quite easily. I don't. She was upset. You know, we're saying, ah, the prostate, getting that check, that really sucks.

And she said, well, if you were a lady, you know, you got the vagina thing, pep smeared. And so you mentioned, hey, we covered that. And she got back and said, well, cover it again. Maybe for a doctor I'd cover it again You know, maybe if you were a little smarter You wouldn't Be a doctor Oh no

I'm not covering it again for a nurse practitioner I'm talking out of this conversation I'm out All right I don't know him I just met him today I swear to God I blocked him He's blocked

I'm blocked All right fine you're unblock Now I'm unblocked Nurse practitioner She's is I can't go into the weekend with us having beef. I love all you folks. I really do.

Nurses and doctors. You put up with too much crap. You effing people went through so much garbage a few years ago when suddenly everyone in town became a medical expert. So I have all the love in the world for you. You can know that. But I got to bust balls. That's too

Think about this If you're injured in a car crash You're bleeding out on the side of the road Do you want a nurse or a doctor there Or some guy on Facebook? Right Who did their own research On car crashes

You some bitches went through more Nonsense Than Anyone should have to endure A number of years ago When COVID came to town So you know I got all the respect In the world for you

I mean, but don't start coming at me with capital letters. That's what got me right away. Yeah, the capital, they're aggressive. Her text message was a lot of capital letters, and I don't need that kind of attitude at what time is it, 638 in the morning. I get it, but keep in mind, don't forget, we just said what they went through the last few years. Go ahead. Sound off if you need to.

Dana, tell us about your gig again. What the hell is it this afternoon? Yeah, the Shinedown Pre-Party at Treasure Island Casino in the Parlay Lounge. Give me give away tickets Registration starts at 2.30. We got tickets if you don't have tickets at the show. We'll get you tickets. We also have ticket upgrades, if you already have tickets.

Got passes the Miklob Ultra Zone, VIP spot to sign, shine down guitar, $5 Micklobe Ultra specials at the bar. It's going to be a good time. Have you guys ever had this situation where you give away a ticket upgrade at a promotion? And the person's like, yeah, my seats are actually better. Yes, I have had better. That's the worst feeling. And I go, all right, we'll take them.

Give them to somebody else in the bar. You just take them from me. Take them. You feel like a douche. Thankfully, these upgrades are in the first 10 rows. So odds are they'll hopefully be better. But Josh, similar to that, I gave ticket upgrades away to add

an incubus concert last summer. And the guy comes up sheepishly. He goes, do I need to give you my original tickets in? Do I need to trade them? I'm like, no, you can hang on to them. I'm like, he goes, what should I do with them? What should I do with them? Sell them? Give them to somebody. Everyone, man.

Adorable. It was so sweet. Like, well, let me help you here. Do I give these to you now? These are my old tickets. So cute. One of our listeners texted in to say that capital letters are the Nick's nipples of texting. Oh, yeah, aggressive. I don't find you.

I've said before your nipples are stately. They're perfect. They're what nipples should be for men and women. Thank you, Josh. My doctor didn't say anything about my nipples yesterday, so I imagine they're just fine. All right. I wanted Dana to bring up his gig again because I got a great question here from a listener. and then I promise you we'll get to one, maybe two stupid no stories.

Who cares? It's Friday. Jay Cutler. The listener has asked this question via text. If they show up to the pre-party, Dana, do they have a shot to win that encyclopedia? And a lot of you probably don't get the joke, and that's fine. It's a callback to a story from years ago. I did a bar gig once. And this was maybe Josh.

a question of supply and demand back in the old days 20 years ago 25 years ago we had so many bar gigs going on every damn on-air personality had their own gig or two i had two regular bar gigs sometimes i'd do three in a week i was going to mention you've done three i would do three in a week so of course every time we would do a bar gig we'd bring the big old prize bucket sometimes you had some good stuff in there concert tickets, but sometimes you'd have one CD and a sticker. Yep. Because we just ran out of swag, as they call it in the business. We ran out of prizes.

So one night I'm doing pobs in Andover. I'm doing my weekly gig up there. Good crowd. We always had good crowds up there. And I look in the prize bucket and all I had to give away that evening. And I had already told everyone, hey, come on up to the front and put your name in the box, sign up for wonderful prize. And then I look in the prize box. I should have looked beforehand.

There was one CD and not a joke and a brand new encyclopedia to be given away that evening. An encyclopedia. True effing story. Which one do you make the grand prize? Sometimes, yeah, that's rough. I didn't do bar gigs. I always went to the more family-friendly stuff. And so, like you said, I mean, it was crazy.

I had four a weekend often. And you'd get to like, hey, we're out here at a kid's carnival. and we're giving away condoms and matches. So usually just would give anything away that nobody really paid attention to where you were going. Right, they would just throw stuff in the bucket and say, here you go, on your way. Here's a 93X lighter, pal. My favorite is when I've gotten to a promotion, and obviously it's for 93X because that is who I work for. And then we'll have like a couple things out there that came from like KQRS.

And I'm like, what are we doing? This is crazy. Or you've experienced this, Nick. will give away a t-shirt for a movie that came out 22 years ago and did nothing? A movie it was instantly forgotten. We still do that. Here you go, Donnie. You win. I draw a name.

Donnie, come on up. I'm going to have to hand him a dude where's my car t-shirt. I also like when it's a hundred. And dude wears my car was 10 years old. What's that? I also like when it's 100 degrees out and they have chocolate in a bowl.

I'm like, nobody, what are we doing here? I'm like, no, it's all melted. It's disgusting. I'm not sure I'm following. You've given away chocolate before? Yeah, we usually, and now, I don't know, somebody must have ordered some candy like 10 years ago because we give away candy now.

We gave away candy in a recent one. I thought that was awesome. I mean, it wasn't chocolate again. I never did a gig where it was 100 degrees. And I also never did a gig where I gave away chocolate in a bowl. I did some parking lot gigs the past couple of years, you know? Well, you're more of a parking lot person.

I am. They don't allow me in this. store. All right, sure. Let's move on to the stupid news. And we were just talking yesterday about school. It's time to go back to school. You ungrateful little bastard kids. You're all done. Get your asses back to class. Stop bothering us grown folks. Take that six, seven bit and blow it out your ass. What I have here for you, for starters, is a teacher in Houston, Texas. I'm not sure what grade she teaches, little kids, high school kids, I don't know. Look like little kids.

Oh yeah, little kids? The story tells me that she is conducting an interesting social experiment. And it's stupid and it's disgusting. She's put together a farting rule for her classroom, a farting regulation, a farting directive, a fart ordinance, you might say. And here's how it goes. her students have a choice. When they have to ask,

they can choose to fart secretly in the hopes that their classmates will blame someone else. Or they can go to a designated area in the classroom and openly fart. Is there like a corner? Stop. I hate this. I hate this a lot.

So, so much. They can go to a designated area in the classroom and openly let her buck so everyone knows that they are the farter. When I was young, yes, it was absolutely embarrassing to fart in front of others.

We would clinch our booty cheek and our stomachs would be totally, totally hurting. But these kids are totally different. I've noticed that huge change in the last three years. They literally hikes their booties up and fart. There is absolutely

zero shame. That is why we created the Fart Corner. So it's the gas station now, aka the Fart Corner. The gas station. That part was pretty funny. I'll give that to her. But I mean,

you learning to like be embarrassed of that, I guess, you know, you shouldn't be embarrassed of like your normal bodily functions to a certain degree. I'm really glad this morning that you said that. But, oh God, no.

Okay, hold on. What have you done? You don't know what happens when you're not in here. You're awoken the beast. I am not done. That is the brightest. green light I've ever seen in my life.

Let me finish. But a part of being embarrassed when you're younger, it helps you realize that when you become an adult, you can't just be like doing that places. You can't be putting that on other people. So this lady's obviously crazy. Oh, I think she's just got a good sense of humor.

Or crazy. Possibly. So there you heard it from her. She made some kind of a twisted video. There it is. You heard her jaw jack in there. Booty, she said twice.

That's all you got to say. All you had to do is say booty once, and I'm aggravated. She said it twice. But anyway. Like your booty up? What are you doing? In her video that she sent out to everyone, she shows off the, quote, fart corner in her classroom.

You heard her call it. It's just stained over there. Oh, gross. Like the ceiling tiles and a bar that's been smoked in for years? Exactly when I was picturing data. She called at the gas station. And this goofy lady says in the video, if you need to fart,

simply come over here to fart corner. Go ahead and fart. Take about 10 seconds. Spray. And I hope to God that she means like some febrees or something. And then go sit down. Nobody cares, she said. She's just trying to keep the funk in one area.

area. That's not how air works, really, but all right. She's also come forward to say she's just trying to make farting less embarrassing. Look, lady, just teach our kids to read, will you? There one, dear one, quick.

Oh. That's the only acceptable fart right there, Josh, in my book. The Chinese fart fire? Yeah. Ashley, what was you doing in a couple of years? You're a parent teacher conferences and you sit down and then your husband goes, one second before we start. And he heads off to the fart corner.

Divorced, dude. What are you doing? Real quick, one second. You know, Dana, I got to be honest, I don't think you could resist that temptation. No, absolutely not. No, I have never heard him do that, not even on accident, and we got to keep it that way. You've mentioned your wife has had to talk to students about that. Oh, yeah.

Every year she's got a kid who's the farter. She's got to say, hey, you know, that might not be appropriate right now. And the kids egg them on is a problem too. Oh, really? He's encouraged? Oh, yeah, I think it's hilarious. Well, yeah, that's never going to stop then. And last year she had like 15 boys and like six girls.

So they kind of ran the show. Big Meg Welder says, kid goes to the corner to drop one. Then you just hear, uh-oh. A little too much on that one. Yeah. Especially with young kids like that. You do kind of be worried. They gamble and lose.

Yeah, you know, there's got to be a competition amongst the kids to see who can go over the most, right? 100%. There just has to be unless kids are just completely broken nowadays. And you put a star next to your name every time you use the FARCarter. Hands out a prize at the end of the year. This is how you win a pizza party, kids. So some people in the comments of this article said the kids should just go to the bathroom if they have to. float an air biscuit.

And this nutty teacher said, yes, they can do that. That should be the only option. And they can still fart in their seats if they want to, but now they have the option to stand up, walk on over to Fart Corner, if they need to shoot a bunny. Every kid's going to want to go to Fart Corner.

For sure. Probably. I think the girls still won't. Yeah, the girls aren't going to Fart Corner. No. I don't. know why that started. Unless girls have dramatically changed. I don't know, but I agree with you, Ashley. I think the girls will stay far away from Fart Corner and the dudes are going to turn it into a year-long competition. I guess there was one girl when I was in elementary school that was

like into that kind of stuff. She didn't mind like burping and stuff like that. But I remember one time at lunch, my mom remembers it even better than I do because she burped at lunch and it was like really loud and I guess I went home that day and I told my mom that I couldn't be friends with her anymore because it grossed me out too much. Well, you used to hate that stuff. You've come around. Yeah, because it's cute when a baby does it. This person says I got suspended from school in junior high for laying on a desk,

lifting my legs over my head and far as you should have been. As you should have been. They just made you a hero. What are you doing? Suspended or student of the month? Put your leg like he's like giving birth, like grabbing his leg. What are you doing? While we're talking about, oh, how should I put this?

Well, I don't exactly know how to put it. I'll just go ahead anyway. I bet a few people might have needed a fresh pair of drawers after this little episode. Over there at what they call here, the quote, gaming center. Now, the way they explain that is a gaming center. They call it an adult playground and don't get the wrong idea. An adult playground that's got a pile of different themed rooms. There are physical and mental challenges, this and that.

I think you get the idea. That's how they describe this gaming center. You ever been inside of a joint like that? Do you know what they're talking about? I can picture it. Hopefully they still make room for the ski ball machine and maybe a pop-a-shot basketball game and whatnot. But they call the joint Level 9-9.

I don't know where it is and it doesn't matter. here's how things started to go wrong at the gaming center on this particular day. An off-duty cop was there to play the games and whatnot, and the dumb bastard misplaced his effing gun. Oh, that's got to suck. He did. Can't even imagine. Is it normal when you're off-duty to, like, bring that around?

A lot of cops too, yeah. I wasn't sure. Okay. So he's going game to game, running around like a damn kid, and he couldn't remember where he had put his loaded, handgun. That's not good. Why was it ever unholstered in the, whatever? Because he's playing games. And you probably already guessed where

this is going. A damn 14-year-old girl who was running around at the game zone. She found the gun. Thought it was a prop for one of the games. Oh, no. Out of curiosity, she pulled the trigger and caused everyone in the joint to up and run for their lives.

Oh, she's so lucky that she didn't get seriously injured or or someone else. Yeah. Luckily, no one was killed dead. It says there no charges have been filed against the dopey cop, and he did get his gun back. Because there is absolutely no way she was ready for that kick at all.

Yeah, she's, maybe she's got a steady hand. Probably came back hit her right in the brain. What if I got the game she was playing or whatever when she thought it was a prop? It's just like she's a perfect shot. Future cop. Yeah, you realize all of a sudden the Marine recruiter show up? All right, kid. We just met our new sniper.

That place did look cool, though. That unit 9 or level 99. Oh, yeah? Yeah. It's like the newfangled fancy stuff. Oh, I thought that was the name of a place. Oh, no. Yeah, me too.

It just looked super, it did look fancy. It was cool. I mean, just a lot of cool stuff. All right, we got time. I think I can squeeze in one more quick one. What's with the crooked delivery drivers these days? Yesterday we talked about a feller who delivered glorious, little Debbie's snack cakes for a living.

He took a truckload of big Debra's that he was supposed to deliver to the neighborhood grocery store. He took the snack cakes to a damn flea market. He sold them. And he kept the monies. He got arrested for that. He did. Now we go this way.

An Iowijian UPS driver lady. She goes by the name of Jill. She's been arrested for stealing all the Menards rebate cards from people's mailboxes and then using them for her damn self. Are you guys good at mailing those in? No, I never do. They hand it to me or sometimes at the register at Mnard's and I'm like, I will never see this piece of paper again.

Never saw it. Oh, you've never done that? I've never been a rebate guy. Here's my coupon. I don't think I've ever. I would only do that if it was like a substantial amount of money. Usually it's only. It's 10% right?

Yeah, but usually when I'm buying stuff, it's only like five bucks I would get back or something. So I just let it go. I've never been a rebate coupon guy. I know you are totally dialed into that scene. Okay, so anyway, fellow Iowegians, sitting at home waiting on their Menards rebate thing, whatever it is, one fellow Iowegian in particular complained to Menards about missing out on his rebate card in the mail.

Menards told the poor bastard, they said, sorry, bruh, this card has already been used. And he said, well, it wasn't me. It was found out that stupid Jill had cashed it in, and she's been doing this for years. Surprise she was able to get away with it for that long, simply because I think for folks that send those in, you're pretty, you know, you're keyed in as to when you're going to get that back. You're following along. Because it's such a, you know, it's an effort, obviously. Not only would she steal the rebate cards, but she'd also steal the receipts that customers were mailing into Menards to get the rebate.

and then she'd send them in herself. I don't follow that. Maybe you do. I don't know what that means. So she's stealing a lot of free money away from people. It's unclear if Jill was pulling this game with other businesses as well, or if Menards was her only target. Trash Daddy Jesus got $500 last year from Menard's rebates.

Yeah, and I screwed this up. Thank you, Motorcross, 492, Jesus. I should know this. 11%, not 10%. You should know that. Don't you have a tattoo? I have a beautiful Menard sweatshirt, thanks to you. By the way, did anybody see Jill's mugshot?

Yeah. Boy, does she look wound tight. She does. She looks like she hasn't had a good laugh in her entire life. She looks like one of my aunts. Yeah. Almost exactly. Oh, yeah, she doesn't look that nice.

Wound tight. All right, we got to take a break. We'll come back with the sports. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. constipation. That's awful. I hadn't used the restroom for like eight days. And Brian calls a 911 because I'm incoherent. Like I had blacked out and I was just taking a shit and this hall goes down. So anyways, long story's short. I shi at my pants, but I did not know it. So I get put on

a wheelchair onto a stretcher and then all of a sudden I kind of wake up and I was like, oh, it smells like shi-and I, like, looked at them, and they were, like, looking at me, and I go, did I sh-h-my pants? And they go, you did. But it's okay. And I go, I sh-it my pants. Now, that is all-time Foxy Lady Breed Bella. One half of the Bella twins, of course, from the Double-E.

You had a big crush on them, did you not? Oh, you must be thinking to somebody else. Maybe I am. I thought you kind of. There's quite a few Double-D-E ladies that I fell head over heels in love with over the years, but I never really was terribly wild about the Bella twins. I mean, they're foxy ladies. Don't get me wrong.

You just weren't quite my style. There was somebody here that was obsessed with them for a little bit. Well, Nikki and Bree, I think, are the names of the two girls. That was Bree. So the story is she recently had an accident. And we've had a hell of a overwhelming fecal theme this morning. We might as well keep it going. Not even really on purpose.

Not really. She had an accident. She pooed her pants. Wouldn't slow me down, Josh said. on something called the Nikki and Bree show. The sisters were talking about how painkillers that Bree was taking after busting a scapula left her severely constipated until the incident.

When she was finally able to release the fury, it was so much poop at once she passed out on the toilet in her house. Oh, that poor gal. Her husband called the lawyer first and filed for divorce, and then he called 911. Then he called an ambulance. Her husband's wrestler, Daniel Bryan. Oh, he's the one who married that one. On the ride to the hospital, so, I mean, unbelievable, how horrible.

She passes out, falls right off the head. There's, there's, sh everywhere. On the ride to the hospital, she noticed. that she still had poop in her pants. What a realization. At that point, though, after everything that just happened to me, I don't think I would care. Oh, I would care.

I'd be pretty embarrassed. Come on. You're a grown person with a log in your pants sitting in. You've got to hear the rest of the story. All right, all right, all right. And Daniel Bryan, he should, yeah, he should think about packing up and moving out. So she notices she still has. feces in her pants.

And she says if that wasn't bad enough, she had to sit in her own filth for hours. Hospital staff needed to run all these tests to make sure she was okay before she could clean up. What? That's insane. The first thing they do

when I get to the hospital is they're like, hey, changed into this gown. Why could she have just quickly... It was bad. That's bogus. You know what it was? Maybe they wanted to like poke some morph at her. Let's let her sit like Here's what happened, Ashley. These were nurse practitioners taking care of her. Not real doctors to call back to a joke from earlier. That's terrible.

Did you imagine one of the doctors and nurses? Hey, I know this is a bad time. Can I get a selfie quick? I'm a big fan. Oh, God. That's horrible. Horrible. Fell right off the toilet. I told you already that one of my buddies went camping with his wife. You know, they've got a beautiful camper with a toilet and everything. And he told me he's. said, man, the other day I had to clean out the camper toilet. And I saw something my wife left behind in there. And he said it was, it was huge. And he said, you know, I feel bad telling you this, but I don't think I can never

love her the way that I used to. I just don't have the same feelings for her anymore. That's crazy. Yeah. The Twins are in San Diego all weekend long. We'll talk to Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder here in a few minutes. But by God, we've taken enough time. We've got to get ourselves over to Covey's News Report.

93. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play.

If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

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I'm your host Megan Klingeberg. And after interviewing so many dudes during this men's World Cup, I'm so happy to be back with my U.S. Women's Asht team players. I know the U.S. men's national team has changed how I think about myself, how I think about being an American, how I think about being on a team. It's one year out from that World Cup, and we're going to talk about the brightest prospects in U.S. soccer. You ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. The U.S. Soccer podcast, presented by Henko.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. You don't want to take his face? Yes. His face? Oh, the face. I found God yesterday, and his name is Jay. Jason Stancheck from Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania, and apparently the Almighty has developed a sudden pressing passion for peeling faces off. Face off.

Stanchek is currently doing some soul searching behind bars in West Virginia after a spirited attempt to throw hands with firefighters, threaten state troopers, and generally announce himself as the supreme creator, our God. Troopers were dispatched Tuesday after a two-vehicle crash. Perhaps one of them... A pun has been deleted. Where firefighters called for backup because the 54-year-old was trying to fight everyone in his path, unleashing the wrath of God, aka Stancheck. When troopers arrived, they found him still there, rather than making...

A pun has been deleted. From the scene, he was swaying, disoriented, and apparently ready to throw down. Does anyone know what's happening right now? There's not going to be any puns. I'm leaving right now. They've been censored. You shame Josh out of his puns so much that he's now bleeping him out. I feel empty inside.

Corporate checked in, and they have bleeped them. Oh, no, the corporate folks? He squared up in what police described as a pre-fight stance and delivered and especially pointed decidedly unholy homily, declaring, I'm going to rip your face off. Following that. A pun has been deleted. Troopers took him to the ground, where he resisted arrest and continued

proclaiming to be God. A firefighter said Stancheck threatened him too and shouted at bystanders still branding himself as the big guy upstairs. Kind of taking a little bit of the momentum away from the program. It doesn't feel the same, does it?

I don't. I thought I was kind of honoring wishes around here. I'm sad. Maybe you don't realize how much you love something until you lose it. It's like when the villain is gone from a show. You wanted just that villain to die. And when they do, you miss it. Feels weird.

A man planning to distribute a large amount of marijuana during this week's gathering of the Juggeraldos Festival in Missouri is now... A pun has been deleted. Behind bars. The appropriately nicknamed Kevin Bluntman Jones was taken into custody on felony charges of drug trafficking and delivery of a controlled substance. By the way, that pun that was deleted, I thought was going to make Ashley punch me in the face.

But you'll never know. Let's get back. Turn it. Dude, come on. Let's get back to this gathering of the juggaloes. Do they have one of these every year in a different location? I thought it was a common thing. You watch it and it's kind of like, excuse me, but I say watch it.

I mean they had a video of everybody gathering, these juggaloes, some dressed up, some not, and saying it's like this big party. You show up, we're all family. Even if I haven't met you yet, we're family. And a lot of them seemed high. Have we ever, I wonder if the Twin Cities has ever hosted a gathering. of the juggaloes. I know that we've heard people text in,

or heard from people who've texted in and said that there are some ICP fans out there, no question. Yeah, they can let us know. Man, they get a lot of people that sing. It's a five-day festival full of wrestling, music, art, all sorts of things. There's definitely a lot of people running around. I mean, like men, women, different ages,

it's huge. That's hilarious. That's the thing to say about juggloos, kind of like Olive Garden. When you're there, your family. They accept everybody. Essentially, that's exactly what... It was kind of like fun, watching all these people.

I didn't know much about it. I thought it would be an intimidating place to go, but I guess not. The Mid-Missouri Drug Task Force didn't even need a tip line for this one. They just checked the official festival website where Blunt Man's one-stop shop had proudly advertised. He'd be open for business. He's now closed for business. Deputies pulled over his pickup after watching him drift out of his lane.

A canine sniffed out. The towed camper where officers uncovered a green avalanche alongside laminated signs reading weed for sale. The number four. Of course, the number four. What? Yeah, I guess he just thought they weren't going to do anything about it, but the cops, they have shut him down. Who the hell brought pot to an ICP party? It's just like a, he's got a camper.

He's just selling the weed out of there. Doesn't sound right to me. That's his side business. I figured that was a straight-laced crowd. On topic of business, the name for a group of ferrets is a business. Historically, also called a busyness. But if you see a group of ferrets running around, first and foremost, be careful. But they're called a business.

With horror, action, comedy, and family adventure all hitting theaters, there's a little something for everybody this weekend. First up, if you like your horror with a supernatural twist, there's insidious out of the further. A young mother raising her daughter in the house where she grew up discovers she can enter a realm known as the further and more importantly, bring the things living there back into the real world. Oh, gosh.

They get me every time. I have not seen an insidious movie. Oh, really? I absolutely love them. They're all good? Yes, in my opinion, some people don't feel that way. I think I tried one or two of them, but I didn't think much of it. Not your thing?

No, I don't think so. Jason Statham is back in Mutiny. Statham plays Cole Reed, a former Special Forces soldier, whose billionaire boss is murdered right in front of him. Reed is framed for that crime and forced to go on the run as he tries to uncover an international conspiracy. The studio's plan was to make us wait until Mutiny's official theatrical release to see the film.

But if you happen to be scrolling through Prime Video on Wednesday, congrats. You might have watched the entire movie. The film briefly appeared on Amazon's streaming service for reasons that remain unclear. Sounds like it was a boo-boo. While it was no longer available, some subscribers managed to watch the entire 95-minute film while it was up. The speculation is the movie was sitting on Amazon or Liongate's servers waiting for its eventual streaming release when somebody who presumably is having a very bad week accidentally hit publish a little early.

No way. Oh, I can't imagine how much crap they got. I'd hate myself. Jason Statham. Isn't he due to chase down another shark the size of a blimp here any day now? Oh, are they going to make a third Meg? I'm just curious because I have a cheap cable channel that shows one of the Meg movies just about every day. So I was wondering if he was...

I liked those. Well, I love Jason's story. I mean, they're just silly and out of control over-the-top special effects nonsense. So I don't dislike the Meg series, but I was just curious if you had another one of those lined up. Doesn't look like that. It's been greenlit or announced by Warner Brothers. I hope they do. I didn't mind those at all. Jason's great.

By the way, by the way, again, referencing the cable package I have or whatever the gimmick is called, the series of television channels that I have at the house. Yesterday, there was a movie, I didn't bother with it, but there was a movie scheduled called Five-Headed Shark. And it was followed by a movie called, six-headed shark. Is anyone familiar with this movie series? And it wasn't like 50s, like old monster

movie. It was current. No, I've never heard of it before. Check it out. I didn't bother with it, but I thought maybe some of you would take an interest. I swear to God, the first feature was five-headed shark, followed by six-headed shark. For something a little lighter this weekend, how about

spa weekend? starring Leslie Mann, Anna Ferris, and Ila Fisher. The comedy follows four life lifelong friends who head off for a luxury spa retreat. I'd like to go on a spa weekend with Anna Ferris. Only to have things go completely sideways when their train wreck of a friend joins them. And for the family, the magic faraway tree. Family moves to the countryside where the children discover a magical tree filled with eccentric residents.

Tonight on HBO and HBO Max, the third season premiere of Conan O'Brien must go. Oh, I love that show. Josh, do you mind if I intervene real quick in your electronic media update here? Yes. I found out... I mean, no, I don't mind. Please do. I found Hulu the other day.

Have you guys experienced this yet? Yeah, I use it every day. I'm familiar. I no longer subscribe, but I'm familiar. Because we had a conversation a day or two ago about one of my favorite sitcoms. My name is Earl. And I was talking about how I absolutely love that show, one of the funniest sitcoms ever, but my problem is with my lack of skills in technology,

I was unable to find the program. You can find anything now on reruns, right? Listeners said you've got to go ahead with this Hulu. So I found Hulu, and I found my name is Earl. And I clicked on an episode, and I got to tell you about a scene that knocked my D in the dirt. So Earl and Joy are together. Joy played by, again, her name of Jamie Presley,

stunning, hot and so hilarious in that character. One of the best ever. So Earl and Joy are together. Earl walks into the trailer or whatever that they're living in, and he has a pair of second row tickets to go see Metallica, and he's going to take Joy with him. And she goes crazy. She loves Metallica.

She's like, oh, my God, second row tickets to go see Metallica. And he said, yep, you and I are going to the show. And she says to him, I'm going to. take my panties off and sit on your shoulder. And Earl says, well, that might upset the people sitting behind me. And Joy looks around the room and says, there's nobody sitting behind you. I almost fell off my freaking couch. She is excellent.

I almost fell off my couch. She's so good. That was brilliant. What else has she been in? I'm sure I've seen her in other things. I just think of her, of course, from that show. Oh, God. Yeah.

can't think of anything either, Josh. She plays that character so well. She was in a couple of the scary movie movies. Oh, I've only seen the first movie. I believe I'm correct about maybe that's not what it was. I thought she was in one of the scary movie movies. Yeah, I don't remember her from anything else. She's in the Jerry Springer movie.

I remember that. Oh, I didn't know there was one. She was a spicy little number. I'm going to take off my panties and sit on your shoulders. On this day, 412 years ago, 1614. Holy balls. Hungarian countess Elizabeth Bathory. died in prison, nicknamed the blood countess for good reason.

She believed that blood baths from the blood of young girls would preserve her complexion. Over the course of 10 years, she was said to have kidnapped 610 girls, kept them chained up in her castle like a... Oh, well, sorry. A pun has been deleted. I almost slipped up there. Well, you know, she, we need to get to this now. We need to address this. Now, yesterday, in the spirit of fun, I said,

I thought maybe in future episodes of Josh's news report that if I thought he was going too far with a pun, I would have a buzzer and then Josh would have to explain himself. And now suddenly you feel the need to delete all your puns. Just, well, at least for today. People are going to hate me even more than they already do if they think that I've shut down your puns altogether. I was just suggesting that maybe we have like a pun review now and again during your news report when maybe we thought you've gone too far. We have a committee.

I kept so close to throw that one out there. I'm going to be villainized here. Yeah, I'm not happy with you. I'm blaming you. Ashley's blaming me. Gosh, that was a close one. Just so you know, I mean. I just want folks to understand that this was not my intention at all.

Well, I think we all read between the lines. The restraint that you're showing is admirable, Josh, I will say. Thank you very much. You're like kind of shaking over there. Yeah, I'm bleeding a little bit out my eyes. When she finally got caught, her accomplices didn't get off easy either. They were beheaded. burned. But she just went to jail. They were beheaded and burned. After the blood

bathers came the blood suckers. On today's date, 148 years ago, August 20th, 1878, the American Bar Association was founded in Saratoga, New York, by 75 lawyers from 20 states. She sounds nasty. Here's a listener who's texted in to say, Nick has hurt, uh, Nick has hurt cubby in a way that I never knew he was capable of. I'm just trying to keep people happy. He took it all the wrong way. Wait, so this is turning around on me? That's not fair.

You can't do that. All I suggested was just a little gimmick, you know? So this isn't a gimmick? A pun has been deleted. I think that was funny. Point the family truckster toward Hillman tomorrow for the first ever Power for the Cause truck and tractor pull at Mudfest. Touch a truck starts at noon.

starts at five and there'll be food, fun, and horsepower. The event raises money through log a load for kids with proceeds benefiting Gillette Children's through the Children's Miracle Network. Get your tickets or learn more at power for the cause.com. Thanks again to your hardworking folks for putting in so many hours to get 280 done for us regular plebs. Ashley and I take it every day. Yes, I love you.

Very, very excited. We know how many hours you put in and how much you were working hard to get it done before the state fair. It's beautiful. We are very, very grateful. Min. Radio Jesus and the podcasters who keep up with the show when they can, we appreciate you. NBA Jesus text to Luther Kia of Bloomington text line and said, By the time you read this, I will be dead.

I mean, in Amsterdam, representing the Brotherhood in Europe for 12 days. Don't go crazy. I heard you go crazy there. Don't go too crazy. Yeah, I've heard that's pretty wild. shout out to egg slut Jesus and mediocre machinist Jesus. They're headed to Brainerd this weekend for the drag races. You're running late already.

Oh, did it already start? Well, a lot of folks go there on Wednesday or Thursday. Oh, it's a gang bang when you try to go there on Friday. So good luck. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, kind of like how Rock Fest is. Yeah, that was the same way because, like, most people get there Wednesday or Thursday.

And then, yeah, Friday comes and you show up to the campground. Everyone's like, where you been? Somebody's in your spot. It's a whole thing. You'll be lined up on 371. and the folks at the gate taking tickets will not be happy. And happy birthday to show your boobs. Win a balloon Jesus tomorrow from Killer Jesus.

That's 93x News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. But the Yankees three runs in an inning. It's an offensive orgy. And this guy really needed it. Ramos goes the other way. His first RBI is a Yank. Wait for it.

Yeah. It's F-off day, and here comes the ass man and the lonely boy. They're F-off type, so by God, this ought to work out just fine. Good morning, gentlemen. Good morning. Good morning. Michael K calls games for the New York Yankees. Michael K.

I've heard the name once or twice. So the Yankees scored three runs in the top of the first inning last night against the Baltimore Orioles. And then Michael K. kind of threw his viewing and or listening audience for a loop by referring to those three runs in one inning. He referred to it as an offensive orgy. You don't often use that word, or pardon me, you don't often hear that word during a baseball game. Not in polite company. Especially with only three runs, I mean.

Yeah, you need more for an orgy. That's a bar a little higher. I think he's referencing maybe the Yankees are struggling at the plate a little bit lately. You're right. We've had that conversation. What's the quantity you need for an orgy? I always thought the rule was four or more. Well, no.

even more? Because four, you would just simply call a foursome. I was thinking like you plus four. Yeah, so I misspoke. So that'd be five total. I think there's also a term in there, Cubby, called a moresome. And then you have to graduate beyond that for it to be an orgy.

But I don't have the exact arithmetic in front of me. So you got a threesome, a foursome, a more sum, and then an orgy. I believe that's how it spells itself out. Yeah. Do you recommend going through all the phase? I mean, can you go... Work your way up? Can you start with just yourself and then go straight to orgy?

Or is that too dangerous? If you want a trial by fire, dude, you can start at the top. You can start with an orgy. Oh, wow. You got to be tough. You got to be willing to... I can't be recommended. Your life's going to change after that, man.

Probably going to have an open mind, I would assume. It's taken a risk, Josh, to jump right up to orgy status right from the stinking get-go. but it can be done. Can be done. We're being told via text here, four people is a 4G. So you got your threesome, your 4G. That's a new one on me, 4G.

Yeah, you know what throws me every time when watching a ballgame and an announcer uses the term sexy in a sports conversation? And I'm sure you guys, you guys know what I'm talking about. I've heard people use that in conversation. They'll say, oh, you know, the Vikings are going to be a running football team this season.

And I know that's not really sexy for some of you fans, you know, right? Yeah. That always kind of gives me the creeps. There's no reason to use the word sexy when describing football, baseball, basketball, or hockey in that context. That doesn't sound right to me. I don't really watch much anymore, but we used to watch a S-Ton of HGTV, and they'd use that like a realtor would say, oh, check out these kitchen cabinets. They're sexy.

It's just in odd places. I don't. I'll give this Michael K. A break. I know where he was going with that. I mean, there's no way he doesn't know what an orgy is, right? Is it possible? It's a term.

The dude lives in New York City. He knows what an orgy is. Good point. So there you go. He threw folks for a loop. People were tweeting about it and sending in emails to the whoever, I don't know what, the yes, yes, network. saying simply things like say what?

Now that would shock me. There you go. Ah, yeah, Randy and Brad. All right, the twins are in San Diego, California all weekend for a three-game series with the Padres. Game one begins around 8.30 tonight. Young lefty Connor prelip. He's pitching tonight from the get-go for the twins. They're coming off a sweep of the Braves.

The podrays are also working their asses off trying to make the playoff in the National League. So both clubs with plenty to play for. Beat somebody's ass unconscious, I say. Take it to the bleachers if you have to. Let's be animals. Let's be dicks about this. No reason to hold back. Well, the twins have certainly put themselves in a good position.

There's 34 games left in the season. Can they ride this wave for one more month? is going to be the story. We're kind of the point where we can start thinking, okay, 34 games. What do you think it's going to take? Probably 20 and 14, 19 and 15, that kind of stretch? Probably. And a lot of those games will be against division opponents starting a week from today.

So they're going to be able to make some ground up, whether it's in the central division or in the wildcard race, pretty quick. because they're going to be playing teams that they're actually battling in position. But they've got to get there first and they've got to get through this series with San Diego

and they've got to go beat up on the athletics. That's going to be important. Not to fall apart in Sacramento. And then we'll see what happens. We don't want to fall apart in Sacramento. By God, we don't. A lot of people have fallen apart in Sacramento. Yeah, we don't want that.

Now, a listener is texted in, Josh. Are you familiar with this guy? I'm a little intimidated. He calls himself four cue balls in a tube sock. What the hell does that mean? Oh, geez. I've never heard that. Yeah, I don't want to upset him.

Four cue balls in a tube sock, Jesus. My God. He says three. I don't want to run into him. Well, depends on how. If I run into him from behind or something, what's your name again, Brad Rider? I don't have any fear. but if we smash together a head-on collision, totally different stuff.

Three people is a threesome, Josh. Two people is a twosome. If you're all alone, do you know what they call it? A handsome. It's a handsome. Four cue balls in a, I got to think about that one a little bit. Texas Rangers right-hander Jacob de Grom struck out 10 Washington Nationals last night. in the process he hit the 2000 career strikeout mark and the word is he accomplished that

in the second fewest games and innings ever if that matters at all to you so the other the other peckerheads who are right there with de graham as far as coming up with a pile of career strikeouts in a short amount of time the other j brones on the list oh total douchebag Chris Sayle, Randy's Johnson, Clayton Kershaw, and the most surprising name on the list, U. Darvish.

Those pitchers came up with thousands of strikeouts in a short amount of time. It's too bad for you Darvish because he injuries just derailed what could have been a Hall of Fame kind of career if he just kept pitching consistently.

He just couldn't stay healthy. Who are we talking about, Jacob de Grom? Hugh Darvish. Oh, Udarvish. Yeah. Well, every time I hear Jacob de Grom's name, I assume he's retired. No, no, he's still pitching. I always assume he's already come and gone.

All right. Speaking of four cue balls in a tube sock, does anyone watch this? This is a, I guess, a famous sports radio show, sports junkies. Anyone? No, I'm not familiar. No. Well, they've got a morning show that simulcast on NBC sports television, if that means anything to you.

So they were putting on their radio show, and they must have money because then they also have cameras in this. We've been wanting this for a while. Everyone seems to now have cameras in their radio studio. Video podcasts or broadcasting their morning shows. Broadcast, a morning show, podcasts, whatever the terms are. I'm not familiar with them just yet, but that's the setup here for the sports junkies. They're doing a radio show, but also they've got cameras set up and it's broadcast online or something. Or it says right here, NBC Sports Television, whatever.

So they're doing their regular show. They've got a producer over there named Matt Valdez. So they're interviewing somebody. And during the interview, this Matt Valdez could be seen walking around in the background. He's not talking on air. He's just walking around in the background. but there are the television cameras like I mentioned. And while he's walking around, he unzips his pants.

And I'm not kidding, you shoved his entire arm right through the zipper opening down into his pants. What was he looking for? That video is on 93X.com. Check out the video. It's very funny. The headline, that was not clickbait. That headline. No.

He went for it. He was trying to straighten that damn thing out. I guess. He had some trouble. We've all been there, right? We're just a little shift of your weight or just. Just a little tug at the drawers or whatever doesn't untangle things. You've got to go all the way in there.

I mean, I know I've been there. You've got to make an adjustment. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And sometimes, you know, things get wrapped up to a point where you got to. So this was all broadcast on their little show. And then people are like zooming in. And I don't know what happened there.

Did he forget he was on camera? Must have been so used to it. He just didn't think about it. Must have forgotten. Meaning used to being on camera. People said this was the sort of digging usually reserved for the arm of a backhoe. Oh, man. It's how deep and for about 10 seconds he's vigorously digging further and further into his pants.

And this almost seemed like it was set up, but I understand it was not. If it was not for a conveniently placed computer screen, they would probably be facing fines from the FCC. But just perfectly, all the real serious. graphic digging that he did, a computer screen blocked the viewer's access to what was really going on there. He eventually retracted his arm out of his pants and he zipped back up. So everyone's been talking about this.

Valdez, this producer, did have an opportunity to defend himself and he said, don't act like you're above adjusting. That was more than adjusting. It was. It was about as... It was like a full remod. As extreme as you can get.

Yes, a remodel. He said it's one of the most uncomfortable feelings in the world when you're riding like that. So he's defending himself saying, hey, every guy has to do it. And like Brad Ryder said, he must have just forgotten about the television cameras for a minute or two. One listener just texted and he said, what does this guy think he's in the, in Teen Wolf? That notorious ending to the movie Teen Wolf. If you have a minute, 93X.com, you can find the video. All right, the WNBA had to halt another game after someone threw a dildo on the court.

I'll be done with this. What the hell was this now? The Los Angeles Sparks were playing the Atlanta Dream and a green dildonk was thrown onto the court. Seems like that's the trend, right? The green one. It was a trend. It was a thing. It was a green three minutes left in the game.

There was a free throw opportunity happening in the dildo launch. took place. Has enough time passed now that it's almost nostalgic when people do it? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, you can almost, yeah. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Yeah, it is like a, that's for some of you nostalgia fans out there. Oh, my girlfriend, Angel Reese, was the one who pointed out the perpetrator, whoever the individual was that threw the dildonk.

She was passionate about that, too. She wanted that person out of it. They must be so sick of it. There's a couple of them laughing on court. But most people were not amused. Okay, so it says right here It goes back to last season I guess last season was when the real

Dildo storm was happening in the WNBA Multiple green sex toys were thrown onto the court It was funny watching the security guy pick it up Because he grabs a towel first I don't blame him I wouldn't bear hand that Yeah for sure Not rod dog in that thing I'm gonna assume it was new and thrown

But you never know You don't know where it's been He knows where it's going Oh, man. So I don't know how often the dildo thrower has been caught in the past. I didn't follow the details of the dildo throwing trend when it was at its hottest last year in the WNBA. I don't know how many of the past perpetrators were caught. This guy was.

He goes by the name of Delbert. I'll tell you that much. He was arrested, disorderly conduct, and this and that. Now, it's just not just the WNBA who's been picked on. They mentioned a couple of Buffalo Bills games. They mentioned a couple of hockey games. I miss that. Or maybe I just don't remember.

And they're warning you, if you f around like this and throw giant two-story, life-like fake penises onto the playing surface at a ball game, they're talking about a ban. Forever. You're never allowed to come back to these ball games ever again. And you might even have to sit in the cooler for a night or two. I think a better punishment would be easy. Find the guy who did it. You strap him to like a big target, you know, with his arms and legs spread.

And then you have the mascot that uses that gatling gun that fires out T-shirts. Yeah. Except he's firing out dildos right at the guy. Oh, I like that idea. Yeah, he's just got, blah, blah! Maybe put some of those prize spaces in the open holes right around him and see where Lance? Yes, it was happening again in the WNBA,

and now that it's happened this season, you know, it'll happen again, because the social media crowd, I'm guessing that's part of it is, you know, look at me, I'm the guy who threw it. So we ain't done with this yet. We were talking about that guy who reached into his pants on live television

on a sports-based morning show. A couple listeners brought up the old Steve Lines, Lions incident from Major League Baseball. Oh, sure. Yes. Back in the year of 19 and 90, Steve Lyons was kind of a utility guy, I think, in Major League Baseball most of his career.

At the time, he was playing for the Chicago White Sox. And he got himself to first base, I believe, via a walk. And when he got there, he just kind of had a massive brain fart and forgot that he was playing in front of thousands of people, unbuckles his baseball pants, and drops him right down to his ankles. He's going to tuck his shirt in.

Yeah. He's wearing, thankfully, he was wearing a jock and a pair of spandex shorts, so it wasn't like, you know, D's were swinging. Right. But if you watch the video, if you're unfamiliar, he quickly pulls his pants up and just, he has this look on his face like, my God, what have you done? He just forgot where he was at.

He thought he was, like, at practice or something where no one would care. That video is still, I mean, and people still talk about it to this day. just a weird little lost his train of thought there for a minute. Have you ever had that, Randy? You were so used to being on camera where you realized, oh, geez, the camera might be on. Well, maybe not that extreme.

Or you thought, uh-oh, I didn't even, because there'll be hot mic moments they call them, right? Sure, there's always, you're always worried about hot mic stuff, but not visually. I can't think of a time where I was caught doing something or whatever. Like you'll see a newscaster picking their nose or closing their eyes or something. Most of you guys, most of you guys wear, especially in the summer and spring, don't we wear shorts? Sure.

Sure. Yeah, you wear coat and tie in shorts, right? Oh, yeah? Yeah, as long as I know I'm not going to have to be full length on TV, sure, I'll wear shorts all the time. We kind of assumed that. Yep. You had your nice suit on from the waist up and from the waist down. You got the old Bermuda swim trunks on or something.

Exactly. Yeah. There was a guy that worked in the building here for a few years who, he was an odd dude in a lot of ways. But one of the things that was very different about him was his wardrobe. And he would wear swim trunks to work. Guy could have gone out and bought himself a perfectly good pair of jean shorts or some khaki shorts or something. But his, in the summertime, he wore swim trunks.

Was this the hemorrhoid donut guy? Yes, this was the hemorrhoid donut guy. He also used to sit on one of those. sat on a big fat hemorrhoid donut. Oh, Nick, you should tell the story that our boss told, speaking about caught-on-camera moments where they didn't realize they were being streamed. Oh, who was that? He worked, it was a difference, somewhere in California was working at a station.

Was he playing with his nipples or something? I don't know that. I don't know that story as well as you do. Well, so he was, our boss was a program director at this different station, and they streamed their studios all the time. They had some cameras in there. Again, some radio stations have money. Yeah, so it was just 24 hours.

If you wanted, you could jump on and see what was going on in studio. And this guy forgot, or I don't know what. Oh, yeah. But he was taking care of himself watching a naughty movie. Sitting at work right in front of the soundboard, right? He's a DJ. Yeah, he's sitting there just like normal, except for, you know, how he added to it. And that's when he chooses to whack one out.

And so because we had mentioned I've caught two people here doing that. Yeah. And he was telling this story. So the guy not only did that, but he started playing with his nipples. Oh, no. man. It's on the internet. So, like, people have captured it.

I mean, you could probably still find that video somewhere. Good Lord. Oh, I can't even imagine the embarrassment. Oh, that sucks. But also, he put it on himself. Hey, kept his job, by the way. Do you really? Yeah, they didn't can't them or anything.

I think I would disappear to a different country if that happened to me. Oh, Jesus, here's a listing who says, where can I buy a green dildo? I'm going on a boat cruise in the middle of September. So are we? Are you planning on bringing a green dildo? Dildo to our boat cruise? Rock the river? Wouldn't be the first dildo.

No, that used to be a little wild. Well, no. Oh, I see what you're saying. I'm referring to a type of individual. We've seen dildos before in our boat cruises. Lake Street Handshake Jesus wants to know, Randy. Did you ever have a laughing fit on camera where you couldn't stop? I didn't, but I think I've told the story.

The worst one I ever saw was I was in college, but working at WHO Radio in Des Moines. And I would go down and watch the newscasts on the TV side over the weekends. And it was Easter Sunday. And the two anchors had a laughing fit before the, I want to say it was like the five o'clock news on Easter Sunday.

Yeah. They couldn't stop laughing, and the first story was a triple homicide. Oh, no. Oh, boy. I never will forget this as long as I live. I was standing on the set, but I was off to the side. You couldn't see me, but I was watching, and they could not stop laughing before they come out of the open to the show. I don't remember what the joke was or what they were laughing about, but they kind of, they kind of,

of laugh through the triple homicide and they kept saying this isn't funny you know you know what I mean yeah but they just couldn't stop I yeah I'll never forget that and that was awful I mean I think they both got reprimended and I don't remember the whole story after that but it was uh it's pretty crazy yeah I'm surprised that you weren't able to squash that because you're kind of a notorious fun killer I'm kind of surprised in college though Nick oh I wasn't a fun killer in college. No, you were kind of a loose character back then. I was looking for fun when I was in college.

You were working at WHO. Did you call it the WHO or did you call it the Ho? W-O or who, yeah. No, I didn't call it either one. But they didn't call it the who? Like you're watching the WHO, WHO? No, W-H-O. There's a lot of television stations and radio stations

like to have that little gimmick, right? Sure, yeah, yeah. One of the worst things to ever happen to professional basketball, James Hardin has agreed to continue working for the Cleveland Cavaliers. The only reason I make mention of that is so Wolf's fans in our listing audience can rest easy knowing that he ain't working here. So just so you know, if you were losing sleep over the idea of James Hardin playing here, no, he's agreed to work for the Cleveland Cavaliers. They couldn't afford him here. He's not worth it.

So good. Both those things are true. Yeah, he's not worth it. Oh, boy, does that guy suck. How about a four-year-old kid who knocked down a hole in one during his first visit to a golf course? How does that make you feel deep down? Angry?

Yes. A little angry? Yes. How dare he? I'd tell you the rest of the story, but it's not necessary. It was obviously dumb luck, and there was no reason to try and make it out to be anything other than that. I'm more concerned that, I'm more concerned that,

I'm more concerned about this kid's well-being than anything else. This kid is only four years old. He already has adults in his life that are making him go golfing. Jesus, let a kid live a little before you turn him into just another boring jagoff with a Tiger Woods hat. Oh, man. You wouldn't do that to your son, would you, Josh? Take him to a golf course? I would be the wrong guy to do that.

You know what's going to happen now? The kids are going to be obsessed with golf now. Probably he's going to think, well, I. I can do this every time. It's like if you hit it big, the first time you go to the casino, you'd think it's easy. Right. I'd just retire at that point. Go out on top.

Your friendly neighborhood garbage man taxed it in to say, F, that kid. Four-year-old kid gets himself a hole in one. First time he's ever been to a golf course. What was the yardage, Nick? I don't have that in front of me. Yeah, was it like shooting it through the clown's mouth? Yeah. Are we really talking about a golf course?

Probably one of those little small parts. three golf. Yeah. It was a real golf course. I don't know the yardage. Yeah, it's probably a par three. Ah. That doesn't count.

No. I don't know about you, boys. Are you, uh, are you ready to talk hockey yet? No. No. Oh, crap. Well, then. Only, you could try.

You guys have a good weekend. Only if, only if they sign Quinn. What's going on with that? You're talking about weird AF, Quinn Hughes? Yeah. Oh, I don't know what the hell is going on with that. Yeah, we haven't heard a thing. And that's okay by me.

Just wake me when it's over. That's the way I go with these long negotiations. Are they going to sign this guy? Just wake me when it's over. I can't follow it every day. It'll drive me crazy. Well, EA Sports. How about something for you video gamers?

EA, EA Sports has gone ahead and ranked the top rated players in their video game called NHL 27. Yes. It's a great game. You like that one? Yes. I remember playing it in the mid-90s. I really liked EA sports hockey in the mid-90s. I haven't touched it since.

But of course, it's wildly popular, I'm sure. Yep. Yeah, it's a little too early. I don't know. Was it too early for a hockey guessing game? We're going to go ahead anyway. So who do you suppose is the NHL player that's ranked as the best for the video game? Hmm.

I know you haven't heard these names in a while. we haven't talked a lot of hockey. Why would we in the middle of summer? Huh? Probably the Matthews. Austin Matthews didn't rake in the top 10. How about the kid in Edmonton? Yeah.

Conrad McDavid. Yeah, Austin Matthews has kind of fallen off. In the overall opinion, I think, of a lot of hockey fans. He's kind of fallen off. Connor McDavid's got to be the number one guy. It is. Conrad McDavid of the Edminton Oilers was rated a 99. The guy that the Wild played in He's Colorado.

McKinnon. Yes, the state of hockey, everybody. Yeah, McKinnon. Yeah, Nathan McKinnon. Second best. Hmm. At a 97, followed by Nikita Kucherov, Tampa Bay Lightning. Okay.

Leon Drysidal, Edmental. Ooh, what's his rating? 96. Oh, so they have a 99 and a 96. We got a 99, 90. Okay. I'll start over. McDavid was a 99, McKenon, 97, Coutheroff also a 97, dry-sidal 96.

Yeah. We got five guys on the remaining top 10 with a 95. They are in order. Macklin Celebrini. Wait a minute, how could they be in order if they're all tied? The remaining guys, all with a 95, Macklin Celebrini, San Jose. Cale McCar, Callie Maker. What the hell is his name again?

Calar. Cal McCarr. Yeah. David Pastranak. Ooh, the Pasternut. That's right. The hockey version of the Pasternought. Zach Werenstki, Columbus Blue Jackets, defenseman.

Yeah, get out of Columbus. Sure, that would benefit his career, I'm sure, greatly. Sid Crosby is still in the top five. Wow, I'm surprised by that. As in 95. And wrapping up the 95ers, the aforementioned Weird AF Quinn Hughes. where's the Russian kid? Right.

The opinion on the Russian kid, I think, has dipped a little bit also. Generally speaking, amongst hockey people, I think the opinion of his overall impact has dipped a little bit. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying I read a lot more articles now critical of his play. Huh. I read a lot more articles saying he needs. He needs a robin to his Batman.

Exactly. Exactly. That's exactly right. A lot of hockey people think he's not exactly the guy that can carry a team compared to some of the other names that I might have already mentioned. Again, not saying I agree with it. That's just what I've been reading lately. So, no, the Russian kid is not in the top 10.

As far as, again, remember, we're talking about a video game here. We're talking about how they rate the players. If that matters at all the hockey fans, I don't know. It seems to matter more to the players than it does the fans, especially in the NFL when it comes to Madden. Guys try to bribe the people at EA to give them a better rating. That is true. Yeah, you can bet at least 80% of the hockey players

when that came out yesterday. They wanted to check and see where their score was. What's Marcus Felino? Come on. We don't have enough paper on our printer to get those results out here. I didn't go any further than the top 10. I'm sure Marcus is just outside that top 10. overall great players in the NHO.

We love the guy. We hope we get a chance to wrap with him again this hockey season. He'd be making the same jokes about himself. I'm sure. I hope so. I truly hope so. Then again, also here, hockey

isn't that far away. No, it's not. Oh, by the way, another sign that the overall vibe on the Russian kid isn't what it used to be. I bet you Josh can play along here as well. We get a lot more text messages

here at the radio station saying, I'm not going to say negative, but not so encouraging things about the Russian kid and his play on the ice. That's true. A few people even had said,

hey, if they don't want them around anymore, fine. Yeah. Not necessarily good riddns, but it's not going to break their heart. Right. With the money troubles that the pigs still supposedly have,

you know, trade them, see what you can get for them. They'll take Quinn Hughes, they'll take Matt Boldie, they'll take this guy over the Russian. I'm just saying that that's more evidence of the... Well, it's hard to trade somebody with that level of a contract, though. Oh, yeah. And why are we calling it money troubles? I mean, the guy, when they signed him to that deal,

we all said they had to sign him, he's worth it. I mean, you can't... Well, I don't know if we said he's worth it. We said they had to sign him. Oh, I think when he was not signed, I think everybody was like, that needs to happen. Well, no, no, Randy Schaber, I'm not totally disagreeing with you. Everyone said it had to happen. You can't just let the kid go.

But I don't know how many people when they saw the contract said, oh, boy, that's worth it. I think most people when they saw the contract, they kind of said, gulp, this better friggin' work. You see what I'm saying? There's a difference. Yeah. Stay healthy, kid, because that's a lot of money. Yeah. Well, I mean, I think you can say that about any superstar that you sign in any sport.

Sure, but with the pig's current financial situation, I think it was a deeper gulp than usual. Sure. That's all I'm saying. Okay. Well, they're going to take a double gulp when they sign Quinn Hughes. Yeah. I mean, if you think you're gulping for the Russian, you're going to be gulping for Hughes, too. What do you mean?

Well, you know what I mean. Yeah, I know. Dana decided to turn it into a blowjob joke. I could hear Dana. He's over there snickering. Jesus, Dana. Don't start any fart jokes. We'll lose them completely.

If we tell fart, Joe, he loves farts. You're kind of caught between a rock at a hard place. They needed to sign him or else they wouldn't have. Right. Yeah, the backlash would have been greater had they signed him. Right, correct. Top-tier hockey also to start the idea of hockey returning here in a couple of months. top-tier hockey dumped out their top-10 rivalries in NHL history.

And I agree with most of them. Montreal, Boston, Edmonton, Calgary, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Rangers Islanders, Colorado, Detroit, historic stuff in the past between Colorado and Detroit. Chris Draper, all he has to do is look in the mirror and he'll tell you that there was a rivalry there between Colorado and Detroit. Toronto, Boston, Pittsburgh, Washington. There's a couple in here that seem a little iffy. to me. I mean, yes, Los Angeles and Anaheim are only, what, an hour away, but can anyone tell me that historic series between L.A. and Anaheim? There's got to be a brutal, ugly playoff series

or two in order to be considered a rival. So I think they boned that one, L.A. Anaheim, who cares? I mean, again, it's a cross-down rivalry. Beyond the idea of it being a cross-down rivalry, give me that big moment, give me that big memory of a... And they, I'm a little offended being an old North Star fan. Right. I would be, I would think historically, I mean, if I'm going to judge rivalries, I'm going to start with the North Stars and the Blackhawks and go from there. And maybe that's kind of surprising that was left off. I mean, of course, it's a little bias because we were on the front lines for it for many years. But they did. But that was a rival. It was. It was. And they met in the playoffs every effing year. Every year. They did throw St. Louis

in Chicago in there. Okay. I can't totally argue with that. But I'm a little. little jealous, a little butt hurt that the North Stars and Blackhawks weren't included. The rest of them I'm okay with, the rest of these rivalries. Did I read correctly? Well, wait a minute. That's not. Here's a text message from one of our listeners who asks us, did I read correctly? Dion Sanders' son Shiloh was signed by the Vikings to play in the secondary?

Is there any truth to that at all? I haven't seen that. I have not seen. I did not see that. Fair enough Google it Appreciate that cubby I thought that kid was in trouble or something

I have not seen anything What's the name of the son Of the son? What's the name of the quarterback Sanders? Should doer He still works for the Cleveland Browns Does he not? Yep, yep He's still battling for the I see the headlines I've seen are

Dion Sanders sought to testify at Shiloh's bankruptcy trial That's not related to the Vikings Dion Sanders subpoenaed to testify and son Shiloh's bankruptcy trial. So unless it's something on social media that hasn't been published yet. That's why Shiloh's name rang a bell. Yeah, I read something the other day that. How was he bankrupt?

He's only like 24 years old. That was the first question I had. Sorry, I'm having a gas attack over here. That was my first question. How is a 24-year-old kid, 25, whatever he is, how does he go bankrupt? Where did he have any money in the first place? Probably people take advantage of him. But when did he make any money?

Oh, I see. Yeah, I had a good question. You know what I mean? Yeah. I would imagine he's just using dad's money. So wouldn't it be Dion that goes back? Anyway, there you go. Okay.

A little early in life to be filing for bacon. Yes. That's what I'm saying. Oh, I got an update. That four-year-old that got the hole in one, he just filed for bankruptcy. Jesus, Bob. I know I would have been in trouble if that would have been the case back when I was his age. I mean, my parents were still propping me up at that age, too.

Yeah, it happens. Holy cow, $11 million in debt, Shiloh. What? He lost a court case and hasn't paid. Oh, oh, right. Yeah, someone who's 15 years old. He got in trouble. Something violent happened.

Yes, okay. Anyway. Okay. That's their problem. Yeah. How about this? Now, the Vikings, did they play one of those silly practice games again here this weekend? Is that tomorrow?

Yeah. Are you pumped? No. Why would you be? How about this? Now, this is cute. Dallas Cowboys offensive coordinator. Clayton Adams is the name.

Ever heard of the guy? I haven't. He's got a cool idea. They're trying to kind of loosen up the vibe over there from what I understand at the Dallas Cowboys. Head coach Brian Schottenheimer likes to talk about. about the culture in the locker room and all that. So I guess they're trying to spin a more fun vibe over there. Starting with this Clayton Adams, the offensive coordinator,

he wants, doesn't want much. He just wants a hot dog machine in the locker room. How can you really have a break room or a snack room if you don't have a hot dog fridge? And if you're going to have a hot dog fridge, you've got to have high-quality hot dogs in it. And if you're going to have high-quality hot dogs in it, we've got a brioche buns and maybe some pretzel buns. So these are all things that we're working on.

Maybe an industrial-sized 7-Eleven hot dog roller. I don't know. I don't know. I love him so much. I love this guy. I want a hot dog roller so bad. I don't know. Brioche buns, too.

Wow. He's fancy with his dogs. That sounds nice. That sounds great. Yeah. I had a little mini hot dog roller once. He could put like six or eight on there. That's awesome.

Yeah, it was fun. Did you lose it in the divorce or what happened to it? No, actually, you know what happened to it is, it was. It was left at my last job, and there was, like, a certain window. They were they going to let us come back supervised for 15 minutes to get stuff. And I just said, screw it. I'll leave the hot dog roller there. Josh, you didn't take that joke the entire way.

You know, you said she lost the divorce bill, but there's something there with the hot dogs and losing that in the divorce. I'm sure there's a we're a joke. He's better than that. I had one for a while. He's more creative than that. You had a hot dog roller? Yeah, someone gifted me. I think it was for my wedding.

They gave it to me. but I was so excited to, like, set it up, and I got it all set up, and it was broken. It didn't work. Yeah, I was really, I was probably way more upset than I needed to be, but yeah. So there's Clayton Adams, like you heard, he wants to get like a real deal gas station quality hot dog roller with some fancy buns set up in the locker room summers. What did he say here? I mean, this guy is really tuned in to tubed meat. He's into this.

One of the things I learned from going to Disneyland with my kids, because I was trying to steam the bun, I was trying to toast the bun, and the guy at Disneyland goes, no, man, put it in the bun and wrap it in foil and let the hot dog steam the bun. It's been revolutionary. Oh, really? Is that? Wow. I'll have to try that. Yeah, I'm going to try that immediately. This frigging guy is at risk of making the Dallas Cowboys tolerable. Does that scare anybody?

Because everyone, so many people hate the Cowboys so much, this guy might. might make them a likable ball club. And that, of course, Josh, I think just for a split second, the world will stop spinning for a second, I think. If the Dallas Cowboys become like a lovable group of characters, they never have been that. Not even when Tom Landry was there. Do people like the Dallas Cowboys?

They've always hated the Cowboys. But this guy's changing the culture. Big Al and I, many years ago, like Weird Al Yankovic said in his beautiful song called eBay, Big Al and I were highest bidder. That's how weird Al sings it in the song. We were highest bidder at an auction for a pranopupup machine. This was many years ago, and our dreams, of course,

were to have our own pranopup stand. And we'd go town to town. But we could not get the pig to operate. There was like a little chain drive, you know, that carries the weaners in and out of the whatever, some kind of swill that the wean, and then the batter and this. And in Big Al's a very skilled individual,

but we just could not get that motor to operate correctly. So our dreams of being Pranopup vendors went into the garbage. I'm so sorry. That's one of the greatest songs ever created. Josh and I are not afraid to admit this. When we listen to the full song, eBay, by Weird Al Yankovic, we get emotional. It's easy to.

It is so good. The lyrics, his singing, the passion behind. That's one of his finest pieces of work. Not a lot of folks mention that when they talk about weird Al's greatest. That's one of his finest pieces of work ever. Yeah, we couldn't get the Pranopup motor, the machine to work, so we gave up. Kind of like the same. I've told you that Big Al had dreams of being a professional bagpipe player.

That went into the garbage, too. It's good to have dreams, though. Yeah. He's made an effort in life. But here's the positive from that experience. So we go to the auction. We drove all the way to Henderson, Minnesota, some godforsaken place for this auction.

We road-tripped this. How stupid. What in the world were you thinking? Randy, we're just a couple of hillbillies. We were just a couple of young hillbillies trying to find a good time. So we drove all the way to Henderson, Minnesota, or some godforsaken middle and nowhere. went to this outdoor auction,

and they were auctioning off everything from cows to cars to... And here comes the hot dog of the Pranopupup machine, and Al and I were throwing money up in the air. Come on! The only positive was what came with the machine two massive heavy metal, massive pranopupup signs that you would affix to your Pronto Pup stand. Oh, that's fun.

We were big fans, of course, since we were kids of going to the state fair and deep-throating all the prano pups we could. So that was the main inspiration behind it. So we had the big giant metal signs. And now we got nowhere to put them. So we affixed them to our fish house. Hell yeah. And the fun part was during ice fishing season, at least three or four times a season, we'd be in there jigging lines and we'd get a knock at the door. And some Jay Brone would say, you guys really selling prano?

Pups in here. Dude, if I saw that out on the ice, I would go there immediately. Hungry fishermen, even though they didn't smell weaner or anything, they just thought, hey, I'm going to take a chance. There's a chance. And they'd wrap on the door and say, how much you guys want for a pranopupup? I bet that's a great way to make friends out there, too. And we'd say, we'd have to disappoint all of them and say, yeah, sorry, it's just we thought

they would look good on the side of the fish. Here's a bush light if you want one. Think of that, though, you're out on the ice. Think how good a nice hot pranopupup with taste. Yeah. Hell yeah. A lot better than the sandwich that you heat up on your little buddy heater. I suppose we're close enough to state fair time. You know, people are going to start having that argument, Corn Dogs versus Prano Pups. I mean, I know what side I'm on. I didn't even realize there was a difference until a couple years ago.

I like them both. Yeah, I'm not going to turn down a corn dog. I'm just saying I know what my favorite is. It depends how long the line is for me. We had one dude here in the building years ago who, I mean, he wanted to throw mitts with me. because he said there is absolutely no difference between the two. And I said, well, yes, there is. I said, number one, I said, you're arguing with the wrong guy. I've been going to the state fair at least five times a year since I was two. You know, trust me.

I know my way around that joint. I know what I'm talking about. But he said, there's no way, he challenged me. He said, there's no way you can tell the difference in taste at all. And I said, what do you want to do about this, tough guy? So he blindfolded me, and we did a taste test, and I instantly knew which was which. Remember that guy, Josh? The pran-up was sweeter, right?

One of the most heated arguments about one of the most strange topics. And the guy wet his pants and started insulting my faredom. And so I said, it's weird that you always had, like, handcuffs and a blindfold with you. You were ready to go at that moment. Those were different days back then. Trunk of my car, right? Yeah. At least you got to eat some.

I'm corn dogs and stuff out of it. That's pretty good. I spit it back in his face. But yeah, so I never really realized a difference because I wasn't. I don't eat both of them every year. Sometimes I don't even eat either of them during the state fair. But the whole point is that pranopups are like made with pancake batter or something, right? So they're like sweeter?

It's a sweeter batter, yes. Right. Yeah. It's like donut or pancake type batter. Was Google not around? He could just like Google this? I'd be able to answer this question, Josh, if Alan I were able to get that freaking thing going, but we couldn't.

But yes, there's a difference there. Hey, Randy and Brad, go out and have a nice weekend. You bet. Okay. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating.

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Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Mike Drop, hosted by former Navy SEAL, Mike Ridland. How would you characterize your prowess?

I'd say my style is that I just kind of outwork everybody until I get there. Because I'm not a quitter. It's just you. It's yourself. There's everything else's team-oriented. The motivation, it was a sort of anger at myself for being weak. being a driving factor. That anger, that pride, that ego, I think it's a muscle.

It gets stronger. When you take that voice seriously, you start to change your life. Mike drop. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. All right, we're here and you're here. Let's make the most of it. She's the Friday show here on the 93X

Half-Ass Morning Show. Now, don't take this the wrong way. But guess who just got boned big time? I'll tell you who. I'll tell you. Ashley just got boned. Maybe it's more fitting, Josh, to say she just boned herself. She boned herself, yeah, in front of us.

She did. A little inside industry stuff here, but I'm sure a lot of us will understand. Our company is real serious about making sure we don't screw things up for everybody by making a mistake with our emails and whatnot. What I mean by that is we endure endless training. on how to avoid compromising the company by clicking on a scam email. We have to do these trainings every month or so. We have to watch videos on what to look out for on our company email,

how to tell when an email is legit, and how to tell when that email is a possible scam. And the idea is, tell me if I'm wrong, Josh, that one of these scam emails might lead to the company having whatever money we have left stolen by a scammer. Yeah, some of the, whatever's left over after your seventh bankruptcy. They're worried somebody's going to take that. They've got to hold on to that.

So part of this gimmick is the company will intentionally send us scam emails to test us. Well, right after we went off the air with Randy Shaver, we sat here for maybe five seconds, and Josh and I hear Ashley say, oh, F me. You pulled a Dana. And we said, what happened? and she said, well, the company sent me an email saying it was urgent. I clicked on it and it was a scam. And now, from what I understand, her punishment, Ashley has to take another test all by herself

to again show that she understands how to avoid the bad emails. You just boned yourself, Ashley? I hate myself. And I never open up emails. That's why nobody checks their company email anymore. Exactly. I kind of pull a little bit of Nick when it comes to my company email. Like, if they send me an email on there, I'm like, you did what?

I'm like, on there? Yeah, I never checked that. So that's why I haven't seen it for a whole week. Ashley, I firmly believe in the no man left behind. I just clicked on that email. Oh, no. Okay. You really did?

Yeah. Just now. Yeah. And then it pops up and it's like, ha-ha, you moron. Did they have the balloons? I love them. They have the balloons. Yeah, the balloons.

Like, it's so demeaning. Yeah. All right, we'll take it together. I love you so much. There's no way I'm going to make you go through that. All right, fine. One go, I'll go. Wait, Dana, I don't think you can afford to.

That's a good point. I'm not clicking on Dick Tracy. I never do. No, so people are texting in saying, so Ashley just fell for a fishing scam? Well, no, it was a fake one sent by our own company to test us. So no one's in any real danger. But like you said, like Ashley and Josh said, it's kind of funny.

I've never made this mistake. but when you click on that bad email sent by the company, a bouquet of balloons and confetti explode on your computer screen to tell you, well, we'll see you in detention. That's hilarious. I should have known to. I've taken these trainings. I should have known.

What do we have to expect, Dana? I know you have to do another training. Does somebody call you and talk to you personally? No, you just get a follow up email that says, you know, because you were a sucker and an idiot like Dana has been multiple. times you have to take this special test now. A lot of solidarity out there. A few listeners are texting in saying, send that email to me.

I'll click on it. Solidarity. A lot of you know what we're talking about. A couple of texts have said. A couple of texts have been sent in to say, Jesus, I hate those frigging videos. I hate the training. Stupid.

Many people have made the same mistake, is how you say it, that you and Josh just made. That's great. So you guys will be hip to hip and detention. Yeah. First time in detention, Josh? Yeah, I've never experienced it. Dana, are you a two-time loser?

I think I'm at least two. Oh, maybe even more? It's at least two. I know that for sure. Yeah, that's why I said, I don't think you can afford it because your third one, I think they actually take it more seriously. I screenshot now and send them to the boss and say, is this legit? And sometimes he even says, I honestly can't tell.

That's what you're supposed to do, too. Rat Rod Jesus got fooled once. He clicked on that test email from his company. Oh, I thought he said he's never been fool. So he's saying he did get fooled. Oh, maybe I misread. I thought he said he had been caught before. Yeah, he says he's never been tricked.

Oh, oh, you're right. He does. I'll say, sorry, Rat Rod Jesus. I took it the other way. Big rocks into Little Rocks, Jesus said, you want to know how to avoid those? Crush concrete for a living. He's not dealing with that.

Yes. Just your average IT guy, Jesus. said that he creates those emails for his company, and he says it makes him chuckle watching us morons, click those. Yeah, you know what? I bet there's somebody in corporate that's laughing at us right now, Ash. He says he's got himself another one. And I bet like just your average IT guy, Jesus, sometimes makes him.

He goes, okay, there's no way these dumbasses will fall for this one. It looks like trash. It's completely obvious. And then just ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Everybody clicking on it. Hey, you're not alone now, Ashley. We're going to go through this together. This is a tough one.

Porta. Porta potty poop pumper. Jesus said, wait, they send you another email to take the test. Don't open it. Good point. I'm never checking my emails again. Sorry to my boss and my fellow coworkers. Never again.

That's what has made my life a lot easier around here. I don't respond to anybody. Text me. You've done it right because you set the bar low in the beginning and people don't even expect you to. anymore. Yeah. So like maybe one of us would get a talk to.

Well, you've gotten the brunt of my passive approach to electronic mails because if someone wants to get a hold to me and emails me six, seven times and gets zero response, they usually go to Josh and say, hey, can you tell Dinkus this or that? Yeah. So you've become like a secretary and I feel bad about that. I don't mind. Local 34 Jesus said he's now 235 days late on filling out a work form, get an email. Mail Weekly about it.

He's not going to do a thing about it. It probably just needs your address or something. Someone says, just click on it again in case you want to see balloons. Yeah, I was wondering because I wanted to see the screen, but I thought maybe I shouldn't click on it again. Doesn't matter how much time goes by, Cubby, corporate radio still rules. Gosh, it sure does. That's cute.

All right. Speaking of work in general, speaking of how we all got to make a living, well, some of you choose not to, but most of us got to make a living. It says here 36% of peoples. And I thought this number would be lower. There's a lot more honest people out there than I assumed. 36% of people claim they've never pretended to be sick to get out of work or even school. Whoa, that's crazy.

A lot of straight-placed, a lot of straighter than a Grizzlies D, cubby type characters out there who are honest. all the time and don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. 36% of people claim they have never, ever, ever pretended to be sick to get out of work or even effing school. Dang. I mean, I wasn't a regular, phony liar like that, but certainly when I was in school, yeah, absolutely I would claim I was feeling like garbage in order to get out of school a handful of times.

I mean, more than a handful. work when I was younger. Yeah, I would BS my way out of a few days work. When I worked summer jobs in high school and college, for sure, definitely. To say never, ever. Wow. That's when you have a lot of younger folks working at your business, that's got to be frustrating for managers. Oh, yeah.

I mean, I know a couple where it's like they can just count on it. Especially after a holiday, after a big game or something like that, that they might as well just schedule a couple extras because they know someone's going to drop out. One of the summers I was working at Blockbuster, I called the boss early in the morning. I go, yeah, I'm not going to be able to make the shift. I'm feeling pretty crappy. And the boss goes, huh, got sick the morning of the 4th of July, huh? That's tough.

Well, feel better. You can't go watch fireworks tonight. That's a little too, too on the nose. Too suspicious to pull that on Independence Day for Pete's sake. So 64% of people admitted, yes, of course, I have pretended to be sick to get out of school or work. For Christ's sake, they're only human. 64% of us said absolutely they've done that. I like this

gimmick. 6% are not sure. Okay. What? Just stop. So there you go. Another surprising stat here, Josh. I was surprised to read that women are more likely to pull this scam than

dudes. Yeah, I would assume that was more of a guy thing. Yeah. I'll tell you what. If you wanted to call in sick, maybe it's not quite the same anymore, but the last several years, that's the time to do it. Oh, yeah. I got a sniffle. Stay home. Don't come anywhere near this place. Nobody wants you around.

Where before, it's like basically you're dying and you're in work. You know, now nobody wants to mess with that. You're so right. You better have blood coming out of your ears. Otherwise, you should be at work. Actually, that was always my theory. But yeah, during the pandemic, that was completely opposite. If you had itchy eyes, stay home. This past week, my son has had an ear infection and he passed his sickness. long to me. And I was worried that you guys were going to tell me to go home. And I like, I didn't want to when I showed up yesterday because I wasn't feeling the greatest. I was like,

oh, I really hope they don't tell me to go home. Yeah, it is different now. Since COVID came to town, nobody wants sick people around. Before that, you better have a gunshot wound if you're not going to come to work. You better be in the emergency room. Except at my mom's work. She'll tell me these conversations all the time where like, you know, she went down to this part of the building and everybody in that office is sick. And they're all like coughing all over each other talking about how they're all sick. And I'm like, I'm listening to her telling me this conversation, well, she's at work sick. And I'm like, why don't you people just go home? You're just keep passing around this illness back and forth, back and forth. I wonder if it's the same at other businesses, but certainly here. I mean, it would just shut everything down. Somebody came in. They were sick. Okay, we're done for a while. Shut it smoothed down. All right. get back to us Ashley and Josh after the two of us do detention together.

I want to know how it goes for you. Hilarious. All right, we got to take a break. Our final finals coming up next. We're almost out of here. Everyone have a great weekend by God. Get it done. Whatever that might be.

Get the son of a bitch done. We've got a few minutes remaining. We were talking about faking. your way out of work or school. A higher percentage of people than I anticipated, 36% of us, if everyone's being honest, and I'll go ahead and believe that they are, 36% of people say they have never, ever once in their life faked a sickness to get out of work or friggin' school. You dudley do right some bitches.

Here's a listener who said when he watched E.T. in the movie theater as a kid. he was a grade school kid if he remember there's a scene where Elliot pretends to be sick he takes a thermometer and puts it up to a light bulb yep learned a lot from that to boost the temperature this listener said I did the same trick

a few weeks after I saw the movie didn't want to go to school and it worked like a charm I used to run under hot water there you go Ashley is going to say that's my big too I wasn't a smart enough kid to come up with that he's got to make sure you don't make it too hot yep you got to be careful Or else you're going to the hospital.

And you were smart enough as a kid to realize that? Yeah. You're like 102 was a sweet spot, one of two and a half. Yeah. Sweet spot. Yeah. It's got to be at least over 100. Yep.

So when you told your parents you were sick, they would test you. I think they did it out of like they just cared. Like, oh, no, let's see what your temp is at. That's exactly. Yeah. Let's see if you're lying, you little prick. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah, they would check on.

I was saying my parents being not terribly caring people. they didn't go that far with it to take our temperatures usually. So if you said you were sick, they would just say, okay. 651 or to 715, Jesus, he didn't know how to do it right. He said I was in fourth grade. I said I had cramps and was bloated. I have six older sisters. But they get out of stuff.

Adorable. All right, there you go. I don't know if there are any big movies coming out this weekend, but I was reading that people are now scalping movie tickets. Yeah, turn into a big thing. So they'll pay an extraordinary amount of money just to make sure they see the movie before anybody else does. They want to be at the very first showing.

Is that what we're talking about? They want to be their opening night in one of the big screens, like the big IMAXs. F me running. Are you serious? And get a good position, so you're on the front row. You're not in the back corner. The article talks about $2, $3, $400. That's crazy, dude.

To see a movie, just so you can see. say I was there first and I was in the most fancy schmancy theater. Pretty much. What the F is going on? This world is crazy. Hundreds of dollars to see you. There's also a scam going around specifically with The Odyssey where it's supposed to look legit, just kind of like that email Ashley fell for there.

But it's, hey, you can go ahead and see this movie. You just got to click on this service or whatever and it's getting people big time. Apparently, like, I'm sure it happened before The Odyssey. but that movie is so popular that it's becoming news now because so many people are falling for. And then their identities are stolen and this and that. Yes, it's becoming a big deal. Checking accounts are drained. If you want to pirate a movie, usually doesn't fall into your lap via happy email.

You've got to kind of search it out a little bit in the dark web. Yeah. I don't know. It's just kind of surprised me because it seems to me we keep reading that nobody cares for movies on the big screen in the theater anymore, that it's this dying industry. And then on the other side of the coin, we read that people are spending $500 to make sure they're the first swinging D through the doors to see a movie.

So I don't know where to go with it. Well, there has been a bigger surges since here. I think they've had $5 billion movies between Mario Brothers, Odyssey, the latest Spider-Man. And then come December, they have the new Avengers movie, and then Dune. That's the one that people are really upset about missing out out and getting Primo tickets for.

Dune. Yeah, third one. Third one. Timothy Shamlam and Ding Dong. Oh, that did. The third of the new ones. Yes. I've seen quite a few movies.

I can't think of one where I walked out the theater and said, hell, I would have given you $500 and trade for that. Some of the higher ends are places like New York and L.A., but not even one night in China. Oh. Dana just had a conversation on the telephone with China's co-star in that movie, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. Josh?

Who was her co-star? Sean Walton. Oh. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Are you serious? Isn't that? Xbox.

Xbox. He was the co-star. Yeah. We've met Xbox. Yeah. Oh. And that was a keeper. That was a good movie.

Don't get me wrong. But I'm not giving anyone 500 bucks for it. Man. Yeah. Well, I have no idea. Mr. Park. That's right. I was not aware of that.

There you go. Happy. Well, maybe I'm going to skip the young birthday shout out. You know, let it breathe in between that last conversation. Happy birthday to Chris from your little bro, Andrew. Congratulations to Tyler and Ashley getting married tomorrow from GoPack. Go, Jesus. Somehow, some way, still sober, Jesus said his brother-in-law is getting married tomorrow and went on to say,

poor bastard. Happy birthday to John, turning the big 09 from Crystal Amazon Jesus. Happy anniversary to the smoking hot, Christina, from your worst half. CC bug, she's starting the first grade, have a great year, and go show first grade who's boss. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good.

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