93X Half-Assed Morning Show - The Brown Challenge

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

Originally Aired August 25, 2026: Entertainer C. Willi Myles. Carjack and Coke. Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Doesthedogdie.com. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-ass morning show. Ninety-three. And we got to try and get after this year Tuesday broadcast. Against all odds, we're going to fight like hell to get it done. Thanks, everybody. Oh, for turning on your radio this morning and heading in the direction of the 93-X half-ass morning show. Let's begin by going back to yesterday.

where we got the jaw jacking about movies a little bit. Specifically, we talked about, God forbid, R-rated movies. With that nobody under the age of 17 rule, don't you know? I was surprised to learn that Josh, and I think it was Dana too, who said they grew up in a neighborhood where the folks who worked at the local theater would actually stop kids from going into the latest R-rated movie if they thought they were under rage. I think, Josh, you said,

you were kept out of a movie or two because you weren't 17. Yep. I never experienced that growing up. No. Never really, it didn't seem like the theater people cared. We got into whatever we wanted to, so it was an interesting conversation.

So here's a question for you. And let's try to contain Ashley here, if we can, from wedding herself. Oh, oh, Lord. The question is, should a movie where a dog gets killed dead? Should that movie always get an R rating? I don't think it should even be made.

Maybe like PG-13. I mean, I'm not going to watch it. I use that little website where you can look up if a dog dies. Oh, I forgot you mentioned that. But I don't even like watching, I was just talking about this last night. I don't even like watching movies with the dogs, even if they're going to be okay. Because at some point, the dog is going to face hardships. And I don't even like want to see.

that. I just don't, I know I'm going to get emotional, so I just avoid it. Except a new Scooby, I hope this was, I hope this was real. But my husband showed me a video of a new Scooby-Doo coming out where like, uh, does he get killed? It's like, no, it's like, uh, he's like a little cute AI type dog. I'm sure they use AI for it now. But, uh, that looks adorable and I'm probably safe watching that. I thought about, oh, no, Scooby gets, Scooby is greased. I wouldn't take your chances with Scooby-Doo. Oh, no. I wouldn't count on everything turning out all right. It's kind of like Kenny from South Park back in the day. Dyes in every episode. But, you know, it got easier and easy. You knew what's going to happen. When it didn't happen,

you're a little bummed out. You're like, ah, you know, I actually got to miss it now. I thought about getting a hold of you, Ashley, to warn you about a movie. I watched one over the weekend and the dog does not make it. What one is that? I don't want to ruin it for anybody who I know you'd want to know, but maybe other people wouldn't want to know. Thank you. All right. People get freaked out. They do. By dogs dying in movies. And right here, there's a mention of something that you just brought up, Ashley.

There is a website where you can check and they will warn you in advance. You punch in a movie title. They'll tell you whether or not a canine gets dismembered or otherwise killed dead. Does the Dog Die.com. That's hilarious. I'm checking out the movie I watch to see if they have it on here. They're pretty good at it. Are they a threat to Mr. Skin at this point as far as movie-related websites?

Are they taking a little of that Mr. Skin's momentum away? If you're younger, maybe you don't know who we're talking about Mr. Skin. Boy, he raked in a lot of. of bucks there in the late 90s, early 2000. That just, I mean, that guy was just kind of a pervert. Yeah. Or maybe not even kind of, a pervert. I mean, just in normal conversation, if somebody came up to you and said,

oh, man, Stripes, first time I ever saw boobs in the movie, it's like, oh, if you like, if you like a right nipple, you want to go to 42 minutes and 13 seconds into the film. If it was regular life, you'd think, we've got to lock this guy up, but he made a career out of it. So Mr. Skin, yeah, for decades now. I wonder if he's still in business. I haven't checked that in years, but if you want to know, again, if you're a young person and you haven't heard this before, Mr. Skin has a website where you can swing by and

punch in the title of any damn movie, and he'll tell you if you're going to see any ass and when, exactly when. Now we've got this. What is it, Josh? Will the Dog Die.com? Does the dog die? Does the dog die.com will tell you. So here's the deal.

Well, quick on the same type of thing. I thought the website Run P-E-E was good because it tells you this is a safe time to go pee if you have to. Nothing real happens in this moment. Oh, yeah, I remember that. That's been around for years. Yep, that's another one's been around. All right, should movies where a dog dies always get an R rating? There's an actress out there.

I've heard the name before. Couldn't picture her. She goes by the name of Anne Hathaway. Oh, I love her. You love her. Yeah. She's chimed in on this. She's chimed in.

She's in a movie right now where there's some question about dog violence or violence on a dog in the movie. So Anne Hathaway says, I feel like movies that kill dogs should automatically be rated. it doesn't matter if anybody curses it doesn't matter if there's violence if a dog dies it should get an R rating when did she say this oh I have no idea well because if she said it yeah well she's she's talking about her new movie so yeah recently because she was talking about her what what were you asking she's pregnant right now so she's like extra sensitive to that kind of stuff she's in mama bear mode yeah that doesn't help she's giving birth to a dog oh my god I was more sensitive I was more sensitive about everything, obviously.

That's just how you are. Who has she been dating? Snoop? By the way, he's coming to town. I saw a Billboard yesterday. I'm not buying it. Treasure Island. Oh, you don't believe it? No, I don't.

Of course. I was lied to by Big Billboard. I'm kidding. I'm excited. Snoop dogs coming to town to do a show? Yeah. All right. Anne Hathaway was forced to deal with this dog death in a movie issue because her new

movie, something or another called the end of Oak Street. That movie is about a neighborhood that gets swallowed up by dinosaurs. And near the beginning of the movie, the family dog goes missing. And people have been asking Ann Hathaway, oh God, does the dog die? And she says, quote, you know, she doesn't want to give away too much. She wants you to see the movie. But she says, we break the rules in this movie. But that might not. be one of them. Don't worry. So she's basically saying either the dog doesn't die or you won't see it happen. At least a couple of you watched the reboot of Little House on the Prairie, right? Yeah. Nick, I know you mentioned that. Yeah, it's ridiculous. Yeah, I forgot what reboot meant

there for a minute. But yes, my wife and I recently tuned in to the first few episodes of the new Little House on the Prairie show. We gave up pretty quickly after those first three, four episodes. That dog would have been dead. There's no way that dog would have made it back. That's ridiculous. If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about? That was so stupid that this dog disappears in a place he has no idea where he's at.

He gets washed away. Yeah, like two times they try and make you think he died. That's just that even pissed me off. I got over it. I was like, well that was sad. I really didn't need, I don't think that needed to be an addition to the show. And then I thought, oh, come on. There's no way. It was pretty silly.

I don't do that. I understand the sentiment. Because even I thought, at the time I thought, ah, crap, they killed off the dog. That sucks. Yeah, it was quick. But you can watch an action movie. I mean, it depends on the, obviously there's some, like, if a dog suffered in Chandler's list, that's too bad. But in an action movie, yeah, 13 bad guys could get blown away horribly. The dog dies, and that's when you're pretty emotional.

A listener by the name of Tinner, Jesus has texted in to say he only takes interest in movies where the dog dies. Oh, man. So he uses the website for a different purpose. I'm not going to watch that one. Not going to watch that one. Oh, by the way, this movie that Anne Hathaway is currently starring in called The End of Oak Street is a PG-13 operation. So, closing out Anne Hathaway's role in this conversation, she also has a theory as to why people are so sensitive about dogs dying in movies these days, and she's blaming the movie John Wick never saw it. Did anybody, I mean, that's the premise of the movie.

Yeah, that's the whole setup. I don't think anybody went into that movie not knowing what was going to happen to that dog. Probably were a few people when the Sumbitch first came out. Maybe when it first came out. If you didn't hear a thing about it. Yeah, I didn't really know much about it when I watched it. She says that she thinks people were traumatized by John Wick, so there's some extra sensitivity out there now.

No, that movie made me, that was like one of the movies that I'm chill with because he just went and, like, beat everybody's ass. He got revenge for what they did to his dog. Yeah, that was incredible. Like, yeah, get him. It justifies your love of dogs. You got some satisfaction out of it. Yes, murder.

It's not murder, it's vengeance. Channing Tame had a movie come out about three or four years ago called dog. It was just called Dog. He was an ex-army ranger that was escorting a, what do you call that, a PTSD-type dog across country? Oh, like a service dog? Service dog. There you go, actually.

Thank you. and when he was doing promotion for the movie on every single interview and he's on Kimmel, he explicitly started the interview by saying, just so you know, you're free to go see the movie. The dog does not die. That was like a talking point that the studio gave him to instruct people that it's okay. The dog lives at the end.

It's a fun movie. You're going to leave feeling good about yourself. Yeah, I actually watched that. That was pretty good. A listener is texted in to say Ann Hathaway is extra sensitive about this because she got pregnant doing it doggy style. That'll do it. I can't say that my movie experience is altered terribly when a dog dies in the movie.

I can think of a couple of movies where when the dog died, it affected me a little bit. But you've got to go back to when I was a young kid for that. I mean, I was very sensitive about the movie Benji. I was very young. Oh, yeah. And Benji's girlfriend in the movie Tiffany, I think she got to be. gets kicked at some point. This is going back to the mid-70s.

I don't know if any of these. I've seen that movie. Yeah, I can't remember. The original Benji, he had this adorable girlfriend named Tiffany, and she gets kicked at one point by the bad guys in the movie. And I was watching this movie as a five-year-old. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was enraged.

But I have to go back to when I was a young kid to really have any memory of being bothered by the death of a dog. It's just a movie, for Christ's sake. Get a grip. But let me throw this at you. These are supposedly the 15 saddest movies where the dog dies. Oh, great. This is great.

I bet number one is Marley and me. I've never been able to watch that movie. You are correct. You've never been able to watch it? No. Yeah, that messed me. I watched it with my parents and I just bawled my eyes out. The first mention is Marley Plus Me.

Josh, have you went ahead with that one? No. Oh. Don't. That would ruin you, Josh. That would actually ruin you. When did that come out? Oh.

2008, yeah. So I probably would have been a little... Well, is that a kid's movie, I guess? I don't even know. I mean, I watched it with my parents and they liked it. They were into it. It's more of a... I mean, it's family-friendly, I guess,

if you can say that about a movie where the dog passes away, but... I don't know if I want to read this message on air, but a listener texted in. And all he's basically saying is, if you're sensitive about a dog dying in a movie, which, of course, isn't the real world. aware of that. I'm sure you are.

Oh, yeah, I try to tell myself. If you're sensitive about a dog dying in a movie, he's recommending you don't go to a certain place on vacation. He went to a certain place on vacation where they have a stray dog problem, a stray dog population problem, and he saw some things. Oh, no. But anyway, let's get back to this. These are supposedly the 15 saddest movies where the dog dies. And yes, Smashley, they start with Maw.

Marley and Me. Year of the dog. Holler at me if you have anything to say one way or another about these movies. Year of the dog doesn't ring a bell. All dogs go to heaven. That rings a bell, but I couldn't tell you. It's an animated movie. I bet Kujo didn't go to heaven.

I think all but Kujo went to heaven. Isn't that something, Josh? Kujo makes the list. You know what? Maybe was Kujo, did he start as a sweet dog? I've never seen the movie. I remember. Oh, really, you never saw it.

I've just seen the trailers. Stephen King, 1983, the mom from E.T. And I think Joey Lawrence might, no, not Joey Lawrence. It's the mom from E.T. And the little boy who ended up being the younger brother on who's the boss. For you 80s people. For you 80s nostalgia people. Those are the two.

It's just the two of them and the dog. Pretty much the entire. Ooh, and the dude from Hardcastle and McCormick. But anyway, I remember feeling. sympathy for Kujo. Because Kujo was a good dog. He's bitten by a gator or a goat or a rhinoceros or something. He's bitten by

something and it infects his brain and that's what makes him a violent, awful dog. Yeah, never seen it. It's kind of like not a dog, quite an attractive lady. The movie Obsession, where the one killing folks he'd feel bad for because she was transformed by that stupid wish.

You feel bad for her? It kind of flips a little, though. At one point, you're like, okay, someone needs to kill this crazy girl. That's a new movie you brought up recently. Right, with a... It's disturbing. The girl...

Yeah, okay. Kujo, yeah, makes the list. I wouldn't have expected Kudu to be included in one of the 15 saddest movies where the dog dies. Poor bastard. He was a unit.

That Kujo. He's a big dog. I Am Legend's got to be on that list. It is. Oh, that messed me out pretty bad. They messed Ashley up. Oh, that was so hard, so hard to see. I remember, I have no idea.

When did that come out? Do you guys know? I have no idea. Because I think I was pretty young, but I do remember like 2007? Oh, God. Oh, really? Jesus Christ. So I was only 10, so I remember like looking to my brother or whoever was in the room

and being like, I would have just let the dog kill me. Let me roll through a few more of these where I think we will be in the dark, where you tell me, some of these titles mean nothing to me, and I assume they likely will mean nothing to you as well. My dog Skip? Not familiar. Oh, yeah, with Malcolm in the middle. What's his name?

I have no idea. Brian Kranson? Yeah, there you go. Really? Never even heard of it. Okay. Yeah, a nice little beagle. Very sad.

Frankenweeney? I haven't seen it. familiar with the movie. Martin Short's in that one. Oh, I love Martin Short. Is it like Halloween related, I'm guessing? No idea. It's like a Tim Burton deal.

Where the Red Fern grows. Read the book. Don't remember much about it. We had to read it in school. Yeah, it was one of those required ones. They kind of threw in our lap and said, here, go ahead and read this. Everyone tells me to stay away from that. I remember liking it.

Never heard of it. But I don't remember much about it. The art of racing in the rain. Boy, some of this stuff sounds... That sounds really dramatic. Very artsy, fartsy. Okay, here are some that I'm guessing you'll recognize. Again, the saddest movies where a dog checks smooth out on you.

Turner and Hooch. I liked that one. I did, too. That was all right. But yeah, I would have... I wasn't a big Tom Hanks fan. back then. I would have preferred if Turner would have taken that bullet.

Oh, really? I was more of a I was more of a Tom Hanks fan back then. I never have been a big he's done some good things. Old Yeller, of course. That one goes back to the beginning of time. Gosh, they showed that to us in elementary school. It was the Friday before

Christmas vacation. What in the world? So the entire school, we were all sitting on mats in the gym and they pull all the projection and they put on Old Yeller, you know, and there's this, we had no idea of the movie. It was about Oh, it's a dog. Great. We love dogs. And we're all excited because Santa Claus is coming to town. We're all fired up and excited.

There's this energy in the room. And then it just gets absolutely sucked out. And kids are crying. And looking back as a adult, why do they pick, of all movies, that one to show us? I have a theory. The day before Christmas vacation. I think they dumped some of that stuff on us in grade school to toughen us up. I don't know.

That's, no. That was too far. Whenever kids bawling during that, they showed it at our school, too. What? I remember a girl specifically asking, why didn't you warn us? Why can anybody tell us? Did they show it to you the Friday before Christmas? I couldn't tell you.

I think maybe they showed us some of that stuff, I think, to find out who was soft and who was not. O.J. Jesus said in fourth grade, he had to fake being sick while watching where the red fern grows. I was bawling my eyes out so bad I didn't want kids to think I was a wussy. Poor baby. See, that's what I'm talking about. And I think the teachers then pass that information on to like the military or something. And they say, hey, this kid didn't cry at all during Old Yeller or where the Red Fern grows. This kid might be for you.

You know what I'm saying? I think there maybe have been some deeper plans there, Josh, some more detailed plans there when they show us those sad movies. Does Kujo get rabies? Oh, yeah, now we're getting tons of text. Yeah, like I said, that's kind of what I said. He gets bit by something or another. and it turns him into a crazed killer. And it was rabies, not like the devil passed through.

Oh, no, it was nothing supernatural. That's what I was picturing. It was a goat or a... Like a devil dog. Poisonous frog or something gets a hold of him and he... Let me see. What else do we have here? Eight below. That doesn't ring a bell.

A Paul Walker movie. Very good. The Thing. One of my favorite movies ever from 1982. Kurt Russell, The Thing. I could watch it every single day. movie is so evil and grotesque and stressful and it's everything that I want in a movie. I do remember being a little pissed off when the dogs get killed so horribly in that movie. Resident Evil.

Pet Cemetery 2? I don't remember that bothering me. Maybe. I never saw it Pet Cemetery Part 2. I certainly remember the original. Maybe I'm forgetting it. Two had Eddie Furlong from Terminator 2. doing it.

Oh my gosh, dude. When you look it up, you know how it gives you like a little preview of some of the photos from the movie? Like the first photo is a dad and his son and the dad is holding a dead dog and the son has a shovel. They just killed the dog with the shovel. That's so disturbing. Like usually, I don't know.

And they're going to cover up the evidence. Just boom. Yeah, scene number one, they kill their own dog with a shovel. And then here's a movie simply called. That does nothing for me. But Josh, the list ends on a high note. Making the list of again, the title is the 15 saddest movies where the dog dies. Making the list, National Lampoon's Vacation from 19 and 83.

Oh, come on. When Dinky, the family dog, is left tied to the bumper. And that legendary scene where the police officer pulls him over, and Clark Griswold is not upset about this at all because he hated Dinky, but he has to pretend like he is to get off the hook from the state police. Boy, little son bitch probably kept up for about a mile or so.

That's a funny scene. Just holding the leash. Oh, Aunt Edna was not pleased with that at all. Dog killer! She says to him later in the movie. She got what was coming to her. The cop walks up to the driver's side window and says,

I'm going to go pick up the rest of the carcass, sir. You go ahead and have a nice day. And that's when Aunt Edna busted a spring, Josh. She went nuts. I can't believe that vacation was included in this list. All these tear-jurking, heartbreaking movies, and they throw dinky into the mix. So there you go.

There are so many articles with this topic. Oh, yeah? Yeah. And just animal deaths and certainly dog deaths. We've struck on a hot topic? Yeah. Because yesterday we spent most of our show talking about happy days. True.

So now we finally have struck on a hot topic? Well, I'm glad to hear it. Here's a guy says, I was rooting for Kujo the whole movie. I was the same way. Well, you guys know that about me. I always kind of root for the heel. Pudgy Jesus says, I was rooting for Kujo the whole movie. That kid from who's the boss?

He was a little bitch, says Pugge. Pudgy Jesus. Yeah, the mom from E.T. And also the mom in Kujo, Josh. What was her name, that actress? She was a missile. Let's see. You probably had like a weird mommy crush on her the same way I did.

You know, I didn't in E.T. I was too young in E.T. She had a, what was her name? D. Wallace. D. Wallace. Word. Huh? De Wallace.

Yeah, De Wallace. I've got a wrench or two at the house made by the people that D. Wallace. I think I've got a drill of theirs. She was in Critters Did you ever see Critters? Never saw it

I didn't see that one either Is that where the little booger-shaped evil characters Come up through the toilet? I don't know if it's the toilet That was goolies Goolies Then I don't recall critters

They are kind of booger-shaped With a lot of hair Yeah Pornow Jesus says the thing Is also his favorite movie ever God dang it I don't know what it is about that setup I love it

I love it at the ass end where Kurt Russell and Mary's stepdad from something about Mary. The two of them are just sitting out in the cold waiting to see if either one of them will transform into the thing. Maybe we'll just hang around and warm things up a bit. I think that's the last line in the movie and then they fade to black. Gets me every time. All right, well, there you go. If you're nervous about going out to see a motion picture and the possibility of a dog, getting killed dead, what's the name of that website again, Josh?

Does the dog die? There you go. All right, you bastards. You want to get headed off in the right direction? Normally we f off for a little bit longer, but if you want to jump to it, we can. Whatever you guys want to do. agreeable. Not doing anything else right now.

Let's take a break. We'll be back with the stupid news here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

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All right, going back to a conversation we had a little earlier, we were talking about movies where the dog dies. And sometimes dies ugly. The conversation started with should all movies where a dog gets killed dead. Should that movie be rated R? Sounds a little silly to me, but we branched off into a conversation about the saddest movies where the dog dies. Titles like Where the Red Fern Grows Never Saw It. But a lot of our listeners said that is the ultimate in motion picture sadness.

Motion picture canine sadness to be specific. They say, where the red fern grows, that's the one that'll get you. Oh, what do we mention? Marley Plus Me on and on from there. A couple of texts came in. One some bitch wants to know, what about Anchorman? When Jack Black, Punts, Ron Burgundy's... Dude, I hate that, actually.

Well, that dog lived, didn't he? I thought Baxter survived. Yeah, you did. But I hated that. Gilbert or whatever the dog's name was. Oh, Baxter? Yeah, dude says, how about Anchorman? Where Jack, Black, Punts, Ron Burgundy's dog over the bridge?

That dog lived. What about Lassie? Another listener asks, I can't help you there. I don't remember Lassie. Does she get murdered? I don't think so I didn't think last he died Maybe I know

Also back to Marley Me I have an ex named Marley And dated her right around When that movie came on Boy did she hate that She got a lot of crap Everybody bring it up Yeah well she would just

When she had to introduce herself She would yeah Marley and yes Like the movie like the dog yep I've heard that Air Filter Jesus asked if any of us Have ever seen the sequel to Marley and me Oh What is that?

It's really sad It's called me You're dumb for that. He's great for that. No Marley. Marley's gone. All right. So a couple of you's asked these sad dog death movies, old yeller.

And I thought there was another one in the mix somewhere. But a couple of you's asked, why did they? show us these movies when we were kids? Why did they show us these movies in school? These terrible gut-wrenching, sad. My theory is, it was to toughen us up. And I think it was maybe a way to find out who was soft and who might have had a little harder edge to them. This might be going too far, Josh, but I theorized that maybe that information would be passed on to, say, maybe your local law enforcement or military units. And they would say, hey, this sixth grade kid, Donnie,

he didn't cry at all during old yeller. Maybe you should think about getting them into your military program or your law enforcement. You see what I'm saying? It might be nuts. But I think that they showed us some of those movies to toughen us up, to separate the tough from the... So here we go.

Similar situation. Here's a listener who texted in to say, when I was in school, they showed us the movie of mice and men. He said, damn, that was dark. Yep. I had to watch that and read that. Again, I'm going to say, that was to toughen you up, to teach you a lesson. Sometimes, we got to smother our best friends to death in order to get things done.

That poor bunny, man. That poor bunny. Well, I wasn't so worried about the bunny. I mean, he has to smother his best friend to death. Do you know, or drowned him or something? To speak to the point of the conversation, right? You have a movie or something, but you're worried about the animal. That's just kind of what this topic is about.

Big dumb George or whatever. Yeah, he smashed a few bunnies to death, but he has to, Lenny has to kill him in the end. Whichever one was the, it's for fun. Who killed who? Lenny killed George, George, I can't remember. Lake Street Handshake Jesus wants to know if anyone got choked up when Petey got his head popped off and dumb and dumber. I got to say I did it. No.

I don't mean to be cruel, but. That was kind of funny. Who killed who? Lenny killed George or George killed Lenny? I think Lenny was on that died. Was it a drowning? I thought it was a smothering. Maybe I'm thinking of one floor over the cuckoo's nest.

A dry. I think he shot him to death, stabbed him, strangled him. Doesn't matter. I was too hooked up on the bunny when they showed us the movie. Yeah, the bunny. We know, the bunny. So there you go. I think there were long-term plans there by the government.

All right, let's fire up this year. report and this just sucks nobody should have to deal with this kind of a thing and it's more evidence that people are just awful we're cooked we're all done and there's no one to blame but ourselves in Tulsa oklahoma the local cops are on the lookout for what they call here a serial defecator so it's another friggin lunatic that wanders around town, taking a sh, wherever he feels like it, smearing it on the walls and this and that, it's just beyond repulsive. I will say, this particular serial defecator, he really gets into character.

Yeah, what's happening with this guy? Everything, Cubby. Everything all at once. He really gets into character. When he's out on the streets of Tulsa, Oklahoma, or inside a public place, dropping his broken stacks of soft wet stool for everybody to enjoy. When he's doing that, he apparently is only wearing a pair of thong-style women's underwear

a shower cap. Oh, sometimes sunglasses, and a pair of red crocks. And he does not wear any of that well. Oh, he also wears a surgical mask that has a hole in so his face is visible. I'm not sure the idea behind that. That's the most concerning part for me.

Absolutely. I mean, not that he's half naked or anything. That's so odd. The half naked we're used to. He has been photographed by citizens, which explains why they have this detailed description, of course. He has been photographed by citizens of Tulsa, not in the act of pushing out a deuce, thank God,

just while he's strolling around town. He looks like a... big, dumb, chubby infant. Just awful. These photos are on 93x.com. Check them out. Yeah, it worries me because, like, they're such good photos. Like, they got, I mean, you can see him clear as day, but they got too close.

The person taking the photo, too close. Maybe they zoomed in. Hopefully that's just a zoom. I'm with you on that, though. He's terrifying me. He's carrying a bag, that doggy bag. I mean, at least he's... It's poop.

Yeah, he poops in that bag. Yeah, we're getting to that. Like I said, nobody should have to deal with something like this. It says here, 4.30 in the Godforsaken a.m. The cops were called because this effing guy pushed a log into the palm of his hand, and then he smeared it on the walls and the doors of a local business. And the poor business owner told the police that the guy had done this before.

so the poor guy, the guy who runs this local business, whatever it is, he's having to get out the power washer to blast cold, hard human feces off the walls and doors multiple times. You know what we need here, Cubby? That trank dart guy. Yeah. We need the long-distance trank dart guy to spray one into this effing dude's jugular from about 135 yards out and just drop him.

Fink! Right into the burp. Does taser make a sniper rifle? You could just take out maybe one of these guys with a taser from a mile away or something? I bet he reeks. I can't even imagine. There was another incident from this disgusting idiot where he flashed his pecker at some folks and then pumped out some turds into a plastic bag.

New guy was in the corner, pukin his... That's the bag. he's carrying around. He poops into it now and again and then it'll show you his tallywacker. I'm telling you, call the Trank Dart guy. Call him now. He'd be busy with all the poopers and the news in the last several years. That's right. He'd have some business. Yeah, this guy's not alone. So the cops are looking for this bastard before he gives way again. They're trying to find him. It's just, it's just exhausting. Yeah. Every couple months, somebody's using poop in a way like this. It takes away

my spirit pulls it right out of my body Josh throws it into the trash can in the corner there where the new guy's puking his guts out you're living the American dream you got a small business thinking life's great this is awesome and some guys crapping

on your doors man he pushes it out right into the palm of his hand and then draws dirty pictures on the walls with it I told you before my sister used to work uptown for many years at some you know kind of a radical clothing store I can't think of the name of it but it was very famous

but my sister worked there for very many years and you know she said they had a bathroom in there and that was great because sometimes legitimate customers need to use the bathroom and it's nice to be able to say yes ma'am the bathroom is right but she also said that uh you know drug addicted derelicts would wander in there a lot and they're busy working right they can't keep an eye and a lot of these derelicks would go in there

and spray diarrhea all over the walls and write it and smear it and some of them would eat it. The movie theater I worked at, that would happen, not the eating part that I ever witnessed, but they'd leave behind a trail of evidence. There's one that was so high up on the wall.

I couldn't figure it. I mean, that's throwing. How they got it up there? Yeah, that's like making a conscious effort to get it up there. That was a sky hook, coming. That's not just decorating. That was really doing it. their best to make it tough for us.

I'm sorry to say we're not done with this angle just yet. How do I say this, Josh? Next up is a gal on a commercial airplane ride. And I know what you're saying again with the airplanes. This gal. Oh, she took down her pants and her underwear's and she took a right on her seat, even though the airplane toilet was only a few

feet away from her. 40-some-year-old lady. She said she wasn't feeling well. Well, okay, we can all relate to that lady. But why in the name of God, didn't you just go to the effing bathroom? Get up. She had alternatives from buttering the floor

unless she was just really didn't want to go on the plane and thought, oh, I can hold it. You know, though. Do you say buttering the floor? Is that a common one? I've never heard that before. I don't think it did.

That was great. I don't think I did. She's not that old where she can't. No, it wasn't age. Unless she's got something really, really going on. There's nothing in the article here about anything going on other than she told the folks that work for that airplane ride. She told them I wasn't feeling well. And by the way, Josh, using the word buttering, I believe you probably got that from the same source that I did.

There was a guy that used to work here many years ago. I had never heard this before. But somebody went on into the men's room one day here at the radio station 25 years ago. Somebody went into the men's room. And the evidence of what this man had done was all over the interior of the toilet. So the flush got rid of the bulk of what he had left behind. But there was so much evidence on the inside of the toilet. And this guy that Josh and I used to work with, we all kind of ran into the bathroom.

to see this because it was such an anomaly. Oh my God, look at the... And you were in seventh grade, so you had to. And our buddy said, wow, that some bitch really buttered the bowl. Is that, I think that's probably where you got. I couldn't tell, probably. Buttering the ball is the term I've heard before. All right. So here's this lady on the airplane. She took a deuce right in her seat, even though the bathroom was only a few feet away, if you care, the incident, caught loose on what they call here an air-Asia flight from Malaysia to China.

I could have left that out. Less than an hour from landing. Less than an hour before they were to hit the ground, this here gal, smooth onto the chair she was setting on. Fellow passengers noticed. They did. You'd have to be friggin' dead not to notice. Especially on a plane.

They say an atrocious smell overwhelmed the entire airplane. Word is the smell was so vile, it woke sleeping people smooth up. That's a terrible way to wake up. Like when you wake up to a house fire. I bet that happened where a smell woke me up a couple times. One time cooking, another time, dog diarrhea. And Josh, it probably was something, wasn't it? Oh, gosh, it was awful.

If it's going to wake you. from a dead sleep, it is record-breaking type stuff. So, next up, apparently, at one point or another, the lady scooped up what she had left behind with her hands. Just let it go.

She placed her still-warm feces into a bag, and then she went into the bathroom. She's doing it all wrong. The crew on board did every damn thing they could to try and kill the smell. but there's only so much that's possible in an airplane that's 30,000 feet above the earth. Can't crack a window, no. So for the final 40 minutes of the plane ride, folks just had to suck it up.

One passenger called that last push, that last 40 minutes, excruciating. I would have lit her up. I don't know what they ended up doing with this sick, disgusting lady. I hope they rubbed her nose in it, like a damn dog. Yeah, I don't know if you'd be allowed to do something. that but I could understand the desire to you've been a bad girl bad girl god I was on a plane once where an elderly person had an issue and oh man that last 45 minutes to an hour that was tough just excruciating just breathing out of your mouth trying not to breathe out of your nose

it was miserable oh see no I don't like that because then I think like ah I'm getting it in my mouth you're eating it yeah there's no good there's no good solution actually you're forced to draw oxygen in and out of your body one way or the other. You got to do it. Just get that little oxygen mask. Pretend you like it. Hey, Pilak, you dropped the masks. Can we snag those, dude?

Learn to love it. We got 40 minutes to go. It's the best thing going, baby. Boy, I'm lucky. I just don't travel enough for this to happen, probably, but I've never had to do that on a plane. I bet that would be awful. You know, shockingly, if you know me and you know my stories, I've never had to make a a number two skiing an airplane either.

That is shocking. I think maybe the fear and the anxiety and the disgust and the hatred for the situation that I'm in, which is sitting on an airplane and I hate airplanes and I hate travel and it's totally unnecessary. It's for the high maintenance type people. So I think maybe the fear and takes over my system and doesn't allow bodily functions to happen normally. That's the way I'm going to go with it. It should be the opposite. Like you're anxious and, yeah, all nervous, so it should make you go.

I'm glad it's not the opposite. People get that travel constipation, though. I'm sure you're about that. C-F-H-based player Jesus would have hit that lady on the nose with a newspaper. Boop. All right. I know what you're saying. You're saying, thank God that's over.

There's no way these talentless jagoffs would hammer us with three outlaw, runaway, human turd stories in a row. They wouldn't dare do that to us. Well, guess again, Snowflake. Now we go this way. Is that still a thing, by the way, Snowflake? I don't think it's really a thing. The dolphin from Mason, Tura? I haven't heard that in a while.

Okay. That's kind of what I was going for. But for a while, I was calling everybody Snowflake, no matter what. Yeah. Didn't matter what it was. Right. All right, Snowflake. Now we go this way. And again, I got to say it.

I hate social media. Just shut it off. so we can become real people again. Total disaster. One of the biggest mistakes in human history. Social media says here in Spain, water parks are being forced to close because of the online brown challenge. Oh, no.

It's very popular in Spain. I don't know about around here, but it's popular in Spain, they say. Have you heard about this one, Josh? If you haven't, maybe you should ask your teenage son. More importantly, my godson. He's probably mapping his Brown Challenge video plans out as we speak. He's dumb, but not that dumb, luckily. We have had the don't-do challenges conversation at home.

And at times you hope, I hope this is just unnecessary and annoying, but you do worry, like, what if my kids are one of them that's going to go along with it? Josh and his wife are sitting down with the checklist. Okay, have we done the don't do challenge talk? Yes, we have check. Sex talk, yeah, we covered the sex thing. Putting your pecker on the Internet, yeah, we covered that a couple of weeks ago. The worst thing about social media, and I know how much you hate it,

and for good reason, really, is that it used to be tougher to find like-minded morons. Yes. And psychopaths. Yes. But now the world's so small, you can find your group. That's a big factor. And you're emboldened. Big factor why I bring it out.

Hey, I'm going to poop places. Right. I also like pooping places. And then all of a sudden it just kind of happens. Where before you go, I can't do that, people are going to think I'm crazy. Probably the worst idea in human history. So anyway, the Brown challenge. It goes like this.

Wildly funny Instagram and TikTok people. They try to get public pools and water parks to close by either straight up, taking a sh in the water, or... they sh in a bag and then pour their sh into the water. When nobody's looking, yay, we did it. Why are we just ruining people's days? Because it's online. Because I want to be famous online.

I want the eighth graders to think that I'm funny. I'm online. That's me. TikTok. Instagram. Online. Social media. Eighth graders.

It's crazy that someone could get famous from something like that and make some money off it. For pooping? Yeah. where you used to have to develop a skill or have something to say. No concerns on how sick someone could get from that or the money the park might lose having to close down and clean up. You got to be somebody. I got to be noticed. Even if I have to, in my own hand, I got to have it.

I had a buddy in high school. He was a lifeguard, the local water park, and we were going up north one week into a cabin. And he couldn't go because he had to work at the water park. You know, obviously weekends a popular time for the water. slides. And he came up with this great idea. He goes, hey, before you guys go up there on Friday morning, just come by the water park, one of you guys poop in the pool, and then I'll get the day off, and I can go up north too. What a total snowflake. Was he serious or joking? No, he was serious. He thought like he had just cracked the coat.

We're like, just calling sick, guy. We're not going to go poop in a pool for you. Hey, we're friends, but we're not that close. Right. And also, that wasn't the type of friend that would have brought a lot to the party anyway. You know, like, we would have been just fine without him. I squeezed cheese into a pool for this guy? Yeah. He hasn't

told one funny story all weekend. There are guys you'll poop in a pool for. This guy was not one of them. All right, so more than 300 pools and or water parks have been hit by the Brown Challenge crowd in Spain.

Now, the parks, when something like this happened, when they find a log in the pool, they got a close for 24 to 48 hours. Sometimes the pools... It's a long time. Sometimes the pools have to be drained and refilled completely, and all of that costs big dollars.

I always assume that's what they do. I don't want them just like fishing it out and like, I don't know, maybe like moving the water around a little. All right, that should be good. Yeah, they just shock it. It's good to go. Yeah, I need you to dump like gallons and gallons of bleach and chlorine in that thing. I think that's what they do.

One dude in Spain posted something on social media when his favorite public pool got smeared. He tweeted, it's 4.30 in the afternoon. And some pig just defecated in the pool and they kicked us all out. So, you know, his day at the park was forced to come to an end. And that was his only day off in years. He was furious. Hadn't had a day off in five years. Goes to the waterpark.

And they shut it down because a ninth grade kid took a deuce in the... Just wanted a water park day. Someone asked a great question. Someone said, do you really have to go this far to pull a prank? I mean, have a little pride in yourself. You're willing to go that far for total strangers? Like I said, mostly junior high kids to idolize you? What the hell is wrong with you?

One other individual tweeted, I'd make those responsible clean the toilets with their tongues. Yeah, I don't fully get. I mean, pranks can be funny, certainly. Shoot, there's been shows where the whole bit was pranks and they were hilarious. But this I don't see the humor in whatsoever. No, it's got to be funny to be a prank. You can't call it a prank if it's just mean and stupid.

I'm with you, Covey. I'll follow you anywhere. I promise, that's it. That's all of the fecal-related material we have. That was a lot for one day. Yeah, I don't think I can take anymore. We give you all the credit in the world for sticking with us after that. That was terrible.

Breakfast have been ruined via tax deal. Well, let me squeeze in one more. Hell, we might even be able to squeeze in, too, and don't get cute with that. It's been a tough morning. It's ignorant. Crime is ignorant. In the grotesque, far southeastern United States,

this dude robbed a gas station while wearing only one glove on one hand. So being highly unoriginal, law enforcement down there said that the guy was, quote, dressed like Shaman, Michael Jackson. No, I'm not going to call him a smooth criminal. That's amateur stuff. But personally, you've got to go a lot further than wearing one glove before I compare your look to that of old wacko jacko,

as some folks called him back in the day. Yeah, that wouldn't be my first thought. No. As much as sure that's something he was known to do. But anyways... No, that's ignorant. Thank you. Anyways, Dinkas made off with some cash monies from the register there at the gas station last week, wearing just one glove. Well, along with the one glove, dude also had a gun. He ended up with $670, and then he ran out the joint.

No, I'm not going to say that he moon walked out of there. I have more pride than that. Police haven't found him yet. Caution. Licensed music ahead. This part of the program has been edited. I absolutely love that song. When I was in show choir. I never liked that one.

Oh. Oh, really? Yeah. I just turned up in my headphones. I hadn't heard that one while. That one felt good. When I was in show choir one summer, we did like the whole entire, the whole entire performance was Michael Jackson's son's.

So we have like a, I know some like choreographed dances to a lot of his music. Could you do that shoot, that lean that he did in that music video? Oh, no, no, no, no. That was like for one person in the whole group. They did it in the front. Yeah, they were the important one. His shoes were bolted to the floor on that. So as far as show choir,

does that just mean you dance as well? Yeah, yeah, he dance and sing up on the stage and everybody watches you. I don't know what was going on there. Don't know, I just, that was such a weird summer. Did you guys see the movie yet, the Mike movie? No. Nope.

Have you? No. Heart it's great. I'm sure I'll get around to it at one point or another. They're making a sequel. It did so well. Oh, yeah. I think, maybe it's...

Are they going to get into some of the dark stuff? I believe so, yeah. Because that's what the controversy, but not controversy, but people are like, well, you're kind of ignoring the obvious here. Is it called Two Mike, Two Jackson? Two Mike Two Jackson? The sequel to Fast and Furious was Too Fast, Too Furious. You bastard.

Josh, maybe you could audition to play the role of Steve Stevens. Shoot, hey, yeah. If I had cool hair. I mean, I suppose you could just put a wig on, why not? It's funny. Just last night I saw some video of Mike Jackson playing on stage years. ago and Slash joined him on stage to play a guitar solo and I guess Slash missed his cue to get on stage. So, you know, Mike is always being Mike up there with the Chamon and the ooh and all that.

And he, and the dance moves. And suddenly, Slash has not put himself into place on stage yet. Slash missed his cue. So Mike goes from the ooh, chamon and all that stuff. And he's like, Slash! Slash! Slash! Slaesh! And Slash found these shows up like, oh yeah, sorry.

That's awesome. He completely dropped out of character for a few seconds because Slash wasn't where he was supposed to be. Hello! Is there a drug-addicted guitar player back there somewhere? So anyway, this one glove criminal, they haven't found him yet. Can I make some deeper Mike Jackson?

references for you, Josh, real quick. Sure. Maybe the crook's name is Ben. Maybe he wants to be starting something? Huh? Yeah. Maybe he won't stop until he gets enough. But like I said, for now, law enforcement,

they can tell, right now at least, this guy is out of their life. Did he ever, was there a man in the mirror reference in there? Kind of reflect, literally on. What is life has become? I like that one. You like that one, don't you? No, no.

Really? No, I don't like that one. What ones do you like? The ones I just mentioned, for Christ's sake. My mic references right there. You get to read between the lines a little bit there. All right. Do we have time for one more?

This sucks. We got through all of them. I hate that. Oh. Yeah. I love when there's stories left over, so then there's less work for me tomorrow, but we've gotten through.

I feel sad for you. I appreciate that. You can help me out with the ones for tomorrow. Okay. Let's just listen to Smooth Criminal again then. We've all played a round of Uno in our lifetime, have we not? Yeah, when I was really young. I haven't played since then. And it was like crazy a couple of years ago.

Josh, didn't you flip out once while playing Uno? He won a game once. Well, yeah, that's different. That was Domino's. Oh, right. But I did, I'm won for $100 million against my wife for Uno. She's for some reason awesome. She's great at all games.

And Uno's one of her big strengths. I love that Domino's story. You had a temper tantrum while playing Domino's. I can remember the temper tantrums I've had in life. I try not to have them. And usually if I have a blow up, I instantaneously realize that was silly. And that's one of them. It's the only time I've ever thrown an item.

I threw a domino at a wall because I just got tired of my wife constantly winning. And I'm not even really that competitive. But if I was, I'd be the best. at it, but my wife just can't stop winning, and I decided to throw a domino and immediately said I may have overreacted there. That just shows you didn't play much video games as a kid if you never threw something. Yeah, we never had any of that. I mean, we'd go to the arcade sometimes.

Right, but I'm talking like throwing a controller against the wall. No, no, no, I never did that. Oh, you never did that? No, my parents would have murdered me. Those were expensive. Well, and plus when the original Nintendo, it was wired. You'd have some trouble. That didn't go very far.

So we've all played a little bit of Uno while we're at it. Shout out to my buddy Uno from junior high. I hope that other one is still swinging down there. But the makers of the game. I have one of those friends too. Everybody has a one guy. Everybody had a kid in junior high. They called Uno.

His wife found it because she's thorough. She's thorough in the bedroom. Lucky guy. The makers of the game, Mattel, they're going ahead with an Uno championship series. And by damn, there's a $50,000 prize for the winner. That's a lot of monies right there. I'm telling you, you guys should. back my wife on this. It would be a good investment.

Well, tell her to qualify. I did. Prepare to qualify. What game? Was that pole position? She can qualify by playing in person. You and your wife are going to have to go to the F word. You say it. Go ahead. Florida. Or Illinois. Or you have to go to California.

There's a championship around this and that. Tell her she has to qualify. She's already started the process. $50,000. The tournament will be streamed live on Twitch. Do you think that will affect her play at all to be live streamed on Twitch? It'll be the second time she's ever been on TV. I guess you wouldn't call that TV, would you? That would be so awesome if she did really good or won the thing.

Because I'm sure these people here practice, I'm sure they play a lot of Uno. And then here comes your wife out of nowhere. She's like, yeah, I like to play with my kid every once in a while. Well, if she's beating Josh a million times, she's got some experience. I've never seen her lose a game. who we play with. That's so cool. It's insane. She's no amateur. I didn't realize there was like skill involved in, you know. I thought it was

all like luck at the draw. You're a strategy for sure. You're not dealing with a novice. Okay, before we go, you're going to tell us about the other time she was on TV. Oh, her cleavage made it on a wrestling event. She went to a WWE event and I always forget, maybe she's listening and she can text. A wrestler fell on her

and so they just got her cleavage and the wrestler in her lap. Who was the wrestler? Like I said, I never could remember. We'll tell her to text you and We'll have that information when we return from the, what do we do here? We take a break. We come back with something. Commercials and stuff. Right.

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That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Start your day with the morning jolt of Drake C. Toll. See, now it's on demand. My podcast is kind of a radio thing, I think, but also it's a bit of a TV show, and it's about whatever I want it to be. It's listening live as it happened,

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Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show. I want to come to these boys and girls' club events and we need to raise money. Hopefully Timberwolves can put in money. Best pocket put in some money. Let's just keep it going for the kids.

Is there anything else that like to share your hand yet? I just say I love, Minnesota. Thank you. Bye-bye. And apparently Shaquille O'Neal was in town yesterday. You know, check your toothbrush. Smell your breath? I try to forget about that.

He is so monotone, it makes me crazy. Yeah. Shack was in town, hanging out with the Boys and Girls Club, and he was over there. Josh, you, if you wouldn't have made it big in radio. Made it big. With all the money and the fame, notoriety. The sacks? Sure, you get a little squish along the way, too, when you have the money and the fame and the notoriety.

you should have maybe worked at Best Buy. I would have definitely been interested. Of course, there's that stereo, a car stereo company that you volunteered for for years. You're referring to Audio King. Audio King. But I bet you, because Shaq went to Best Buy and hung out at their headquarters and whatnot, you would have made a great Best Buy CEO.

I was definitely, I'm passionate about it, but I don't know if they still do it, but Best Buy would have big bands come and perform for their workers and stuff like that. I had a couple buddies that worked. Although the only thing about that is they had a lot of meetings and that would suck. Okay. Speaking of, you're right, there was a stretch of time where they would bring bands in. And one day, I was cursed enough to be working a radio station gig at Best Buy.

And there was a live band there. It was a side project of one of the members of Blink 182. Oh. Oh, yeah. What was the name of that? Angels and Airways, the top. calmed along. I wanted to take a DVD case, you know?

Mm-hmm. And I wanted, and I was attempting to cut my jugular vein with it, and it didn't work. Oh, I thought you were going to say you were going to get a DVD of Angels and Airwaves and get an autograph for your future coworker. Did you like that CD? Oh, absolutely, yeah. We've got so much effing madness coming up at 7.30 when Randy Schaber jumps into the mix. Okay, yeah, the Twins one. Twins one.

That's great. but let me try to we're going to cover babies on a street corner selling weed prostitution prostitution

will fall into the mix in the trailer park good value on that prostitution too by the way trailer park prostitution with a discount price tag on it humanoid robots but before we go

we had a long disgusting conversation about human feces. Well, we had a guy who's dropping turds all over the streets in Tulsa, Oklahoma, spreading it on the walls, just a complete maniac out of control. The cops can't find him. A lady took a massive sh on an airplane all over the floor, and it was awful. What was the other one, Josh? Oh, young kids think they're cute.

They go to the water park, right, and they take a sh in the water, and then they film it, and they put it on social media. It's the online challenge and they're having a lot of laughs. That inspired a listener to send me this picture. This has got to be a joke. He said he found this notice on the wall of a porta potty. You tell me, Josh, with your knowledge, you know, potential best by CEO brilliance that you have, you tell me if you think this is legit, this is a sign on the wall of a porta potty.

It says OSHA Law 13-2-13B. Any turd six inches in length or longer must be hand lowered into the toilet to prevent chemical splashback. Yeah, I've heard that before. You have. Yeah. I think that's actually a federal thing. Yeah, it's just a safety protocol for everybody. I got an update on the wrestler who fell into my wife's lap at a WWE event and her cleavage made their debut on TV.

Which wrestler? Cisarro. Oh, sure. fell right on her lap. Fatharo. Wrestling fans refer to him sometimes as Fatharo. Oh, does he have a liff? Well, no.

He took a knee to the face years ago, and it forced both of his two front teeth up into his nose. What? Ah, me. So for the longest time, he spoke with a lisp because his teeth were so. Now he's on, now he's on AEW, and I think he goes by like Calangiro-Cilacario, like something. Claudio Casta.

That's it. Noly. Very Italian. Okay, but that's a hell of a talent that rubbed up against your wife. Yeah, she was pretty excited. That was the second most talented character to ever rub up against your wife. Totally. Yeah.

You were referring to that gentleman that went on to be a Los Angeles Laker, I'd imagine. Oh, no, I was giving you credit on that one, but I forgot she bumped with Lakers. Well, thank you very much. She's so cool. 93X half-assed morning show. Nice. Nice. Teachers get hit with no help.

Teachers ain't got no protection. Y'all better start protecting yourself. You ain't heard that from me. Some parents bring apples for the teacher, but a Florida mother brought hands. Lenisa Dorsey celebrated her daughter's first week of class by giving the kids' elementary school teacher a lesson in assault. Terrible beating. Then went for extra credit with the principal who tried to intervene. Yeah, that's what he gets.

Around 230 p. Yeah, you should have minded his own business. Around 2.30 p.m. August 13th, Dorsey walked to her daughter's teacher after school, and the teacher was standing at the school entrance. Dorsey said she wanted to go inside and look for the girl's backpack, but the teacher said the school wasn't allowed to let parents inside during the first week. Dorsey did not like that policy, and the discussion quickly became a hands-on exercise in Fistakuffs 101. So the teacher was doing this job. Oh, my bad, the teacher was doing somebody else's job, because ain't no way a teacher supposed to have to influence. force parent not coming in. I wouldn't have stood in no door way. I'd have been like, hey, somebody come get this parent. She started arguing with the teacher who refused to budge.

So Dorsey did what any reasonable parent would do when faced with a school policy she didn't like. She punched the educator several times in the face. Who she punched? Teachers got punched in the face by a parent and I ain't heard nothing. Where's the outweigh? A multiplicity of punches. She looked like she came to fight. School only been in for a week. How does that happen? Who the hell is that guy trying way too hard to go viral? No, I absolutely love him. Oh, you do? Yeah, she came to fight.

I was trying to find some news actualities, right? You know, like I do. And I saw this guy on Facebook, and he was commenting on stories where he kind of paused the video and comment. I don't know. I thought he was really funny. Yeah, one of those people. Yeah. Oh, were we making a reaction video?

I thought this guy was on the local news. No, he was just making a reaction. He needs to slow down his delivery a little bit. I can't follow. The principal tried to step in and restrain Dorsey, but wound up getting an unwanted introduction to her fists as well. She admitted to cops that she attacked the teacher, but she provided a reason, although it was a lame one. Percy told police that she only hit him because he leaned on her. Mike been leaning on me for the past 10 years.

You don't see me? I saw swinging at the atmosphere. That guy again? Life's been leaning on him. Swinging on the atmosphere. After a violent exploration of the principal's anatomy, the school resource officer arrived and separated everyone, bringing the back-to-school brawl to a close, both the teacher and principal. suffered minor injuries.

She wanted to get inside there. I thought maybe the dude would scream at us for a little while longer there. I wish. There you go. Well, that's a hell of a way to start off the school season, huh, Covey? Yeah. And there's more. That's kind of a little odd to start the school year.

A substitute teacher here, Louisiana, apparently felt the emergency alert system was missing a little pizzazz. So she spiced things up by sending false active shooter alerts to five different schools. was, I'm sorry, a student, a teacher? A teacher? A substitute teacher. She's no longer going to be hired by the district, as you can imagine. For what?

The school board's director of security told investigators, 58-year-old Latanya Barfield, the substitute teacher, had used the district's emergency management system to report active shooters at five schools. Officials determined the alerts were false and identified Barfield as the person responsible. The sheriff's office said false reports of active threats can disrupt schools, trigger emergency responses, and cause fear among students, parents,

employees in the surrounding community. Authorities didn't disclose the possible motive for the false alert. The investigation remains ongoing. Boy, substitute teachers must have changed. When we were kids, all of our substitute teachers were elderly. Ours too. Same here. Jurassic.

I mean, she's not elderly. She's 58, but. Yeah, I'm talking like. Yeah, we had seven. 70s for sure. Oh, beyond retirement age by far. They weren't looking to start trouble at all. A lot of our subs were former retired teachers that were still just kind of helping out a little bit here and there.

When your dad retired, did he do any subbing? Absolutely not. He was done. He was done. Good for him. I like when people retire correctly. He was on the golf course. The second school led out on that final day.

That's awesome. When did he retire? About seven, eight years ago. Oh, nice. Nice life. Yeah, and he just never went back, huh? Probably golfed to 500 rounds since then, and I couldn't be happier for the man. Incredible.

What did he teach? Like high school, like history and social studies type stuff. Oh, that's fun. That'd be scary to do now. Yeah, he got out at the right time. Yeah, he really did, didn't he? Like perfect timing. What's a witch's favorite subject in school?

Spelling. In high school, students may be expected to perform the standing jump, long jump and broad jump. Police don't, excuse me, parents don't have a problem with that, nor do police. It's the broad jump that's causing some bounce back. Making students jump up and down to make sure they're wearing a sports bra when it doesn't even have anything to do with PE has some teachers and parents P-Oed. Nope, you cannot do that.

Even if it had anything to do with P-E. That's insane. P.E. P.E. Sorry, I said it weird. Physical education. Yeah. The director of bands at McKinney High School and McKinney, Texas sent a letter to parents last week, clarifying undergarment requirements for the 2026-27 school year's competition. uniforms. The sports bra portion of the presentation included a requirement to perform what they called

a jump test. It said performers must do a jump test when testing sports bras. If you jump multiple times in a row and there's a noticeable amount of movement, size down or find a new sports bra. Any style works as long as it holds firmly. The presentation didn't indicate where or who was supposed to judge the jump test. In the letter, the director of bands, Brandon Fraser stated that there was no intention students would perform a jump test to any staff member or any public setting, but instead were meant to do it privately. The letter states the specific recommendations were actually taken from another organization, which is also a member of Drum Corps International,

where Fisher said it was not fully vetted for a specific application to their students and setting. You might want to double-check that next time. Josh, can I still do the jump test when I host a house party? Absolutely. Yeah, as long as everyone's of age. All right. When contacted for comment and verification of the rules, the district's response was basically, yeah, we're aware, this looks pretty bad.

The statement added, quote, this is not in alignment with the district policy, an appropriate action will be taken to address the conduct. Did they still do jock checks in the boys' locker room? I don't think so. We never had that. We never wore them. We never did that.

Yeah, no. It was only enforced like on day one. Okay, does everyone have their jock? That's what I remember about it from junior high. On day one, they acted like if we didn't wear a jock, we were going to be expelled. So on day one, here comes the gym teacher. He looks down the back of your shorts, not the front because that would be inappropriate, right? He would look down the back of your shorts to make sure you're wearing your jock strap.

But after day one, we all decided we weren't going to wear him anymore, and the teacher stopped caring anyway. But I was just curious. There's probably some places. He couldn't pay me enough. I'm sure the teacher hated it. Yeah. I hope the teacher hated it. Maybe there are some places who still take that seriously.

Silly. Just absolutely silly. Who gives a rat's ass if we're on a frigging jock? Yeah, it's your choice. What you do with whatever you got going on. There must have been some kind of movement in the early 80s to protect the testicles. Protect the testicles of the young. I'm not sure.

We must save the testicles. Yes. I'm not sure. The population boom. Right. Orlando police arrested a Florida woman after officer said she pushed a Walmart security guard, then climbed into his marked patrol vehicle. When did Walmart security get marked patrol vehicles?

I'm not sure. Oh, I saw one the other day, actually. They've had that before? I thought, I mean, I wasn't Fridly, but still. I was like, what's going up? And it was specifically Walmart. Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool. I made my son wave to him, you know, that whole bit.

Police were called to the Walmart shortly after 1 a.m. Tuesday for a reported battery. Dispatchers told responding officers, the suspect had taken control of a security guard's vehicle. When an Orlando officer arrived last week, he said he found a woman later identified as a 38-year-old Annie Lewis sitting in the driver's seat of the security vehicle. An unsuccessful carjacking must make her parched because the cops said he saw her sitting there casually drinking a soda. As she sipped her carjack and coke, officers told her to get out, but they were met with the time-honored toddler tactic of pretending she couldn't hear anything.

No. With the selective hearing apparently still in effect, police then resorted to the toddler extraction method, removing her from the vehicle and gave her the deluxe law enforcement wristband package. The security guard told officers he'd seen Lewis sitting on a curb in the parking lot. He tried to make contact while on duty and wearing a full uniform, including a badge and identification.

According to the guard, Lewis charged at him and pushed him, excuse me, punched him in the face with an open hand. Then commandeered as marked police or, excuse me, patrol vehicle that like she'd been deputized on the spot and put it in gear. She then tried to drive away but didn't get far because the Walmart Guard had turned off the vehicle while she struggled with the shifter. She now faces charges of carjacking and battery on a security officer. She effed up. Yeah, she did. They called it a Walmart security vehicle, so I thought maybe they'd just hire a different,

security firm, but you've said you've actually seen it. Yeah. Okay. One of the true blood vampires, Alexander Scars Guard, 50 today? I just started watching that. True blood? Yeah. It seems like something you'd like. I know. That's what people said, so I'm giving it a try. Nudity and intercourse and vampires. Pretty good so far. He doesn't look it, but D.O. Def Leopard and white snake guitarist Vivian

is 64. Did you hear the bad news on Vivian? His cancer came back. Oh, that's too bad. It is too bad. There go Vivian Campbell right there. Strange director, whose credits include Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, Michael Keaton's Batman, and the stop motion animated musical that made Hot Topic Rich

The Nightmare Before Christmas. Tim Burton is 68. Did you guys watch the new Beetlejuice that came out last year? It was pretty good. Beetlejuice? Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't bad.

I mean, I loved the first one so much. I was pretty worried this was going to ruin it, but I don't think it did at all. Man, I saw the first one for the very first time. when the new Beetlejuice came up and that was one I definitely needed to see when I was younger to probably appreciate it more. You didn't like you? Yeah, that was kind of silly and dumb. Yeah, maybe as an adult.

I mean, I used to have such fond memories. Oh, yeah. If I saw when I was nine, it would have been my favorite movie of all time. Rob Halford from Judas Priest, 75. Gene Simmons of Kiss 77. Gene Simmons said in a recent interview, Kiss can't play ever again without permission from Pop House. Oh, no, not that. Anything but that.

Well, then I hope Pop House. stands firm in their decision to, what does that have anything? Who is Pop House? Pop House is the company they sold their rights to for what Gene called a ton of money. He said they own the makeup and everything. They can't even put the makeup on anymore without permission. That's fine. It doesn't matter. Stop it. Although I am kind of excited about one thing, Josh.

A friend of mine tells me that one of Kiss's most legendary shows, which was 1976 on the Rock and Roll Over tour, they played a show at Anaheim Stadium where the Angels played baseball at the time. They're remixing the audio and the video and they're going to release that. I would like to, you know, I've seen that concert a few times on VHS and whatnot, but the idea of it being remixed and the video and audio being enhanced. I will try to get my hands on that because that was when Kiss was still young and they were legit and they weren't this clown show that they've been for the last 20-some years. Kind of weird. I mean, they're so iconic, right?

Like them or not. And they can't even be themselves anymore. They sold everything. That is weird. They're 77 years old. Stop being yourselves and just get a nap. If they want to get back together, they're going to have to kiss, make up, and check with Pop House,

which is perfect because today is national kiss and makeup day. Not kiss makeup day, but kiss and makeup day. Do you guys have anybody you need to settle the score with? Nope, nobody comes to mind. Oh, yeah? No, I was kidding. Oh, dang it. I wish you'd stick with that bit so I could find out how much trouble you got in when you got home.

Well, I don't really, I'm not interested in the kiss and makeup thing. I'd like maybe, I mean, we're not talking about love interest. We're talking about like bad blood between you and work. Anybody can't stand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're talking about, yeah, I'm not a kiss and makeup type of a guy. I'd like to maybe punch them in the face and start trouble all over again. Is there a holiday for that?

I'd imagine there's so many of these fake holiday. Just run it back. Yeah, let's run this back to 25 years ago. Have you guys ever had makeup sex? Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, of course. That's when you really... Josh has, we covered this a while back.

He's never had makeup sex. Yeah, you kind of take your anger out on each other a little bit. I'm punishing your privates. But I mean, that's awesome. That goes to show that you're an easy guy to get along with. You know, you have to have a terrible fight in order to have makeup sex. Yeah, oh, that's true. Yeah, that's good.

I was looking at the negative that. I've never experienced that. But yeah, I suppose I haven't really had a terrible fight. All right, Josh. Let's get in a fight. then we'll have sex. I'll show you how it's done. Well, let's start with the sex, and then we can get a fight and then have sex again. Deal.

Happy birthday to Jenny, the scale lady, and Belle Plain from all the hardcore truckers. How about the two of you fight while having sex? Does our arms flailing? I've seen videos of that. Sex fights? Oh, yeah, that's like a huge category. Nick knows. God help.

God help the referee in that match. Because neither Josh or I know how to throw a punch whatsoever. What are we talking about, Ashley? What did you say? That's a huge. Yeah, like sex fighting. Fighting. You ever seen those videos before?

Are you talking about Ultimate Surrender.com? That's one of both. I had no idea that was a popular thing. Especially with the lesbians. Please. Ashley, let the bell breathe. Jesus. Give her the bell for one day.

I get excited. Ultimate surrender. Ultimate surrender. I'll live vicarious. You won't last two seconds. No, no, no. I give up. I've already given up.

Where's the white flag? And I don't mean last like, you know, I'm talking about you won't be able to tolerate it for, to, just want to be clear about that. He wouldn't even be able to type the URL in and hit enter without chickening out. Can I just say something real quick? Yes, of course you can. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver.

On the half-assed morning show. Well, I'm here at the Best Buy headquarters, along with Epson and the Boys and Girls Club of Minnesota. We're just handing our gifts. to kids, you know, they shot some inspirational videos. They won some prizes. We gave away some school supplies. So shout out to our absent and Best Buy. Apparently Shaquille O'Neal and his eternally monotone delivery was in town yesterday. Shaq Fu made a surprise visit to the Best Buy headquarters in Richfield. He met with the Boys and Girls Club kids and handed out school supplies. That's nice, isn't it, Randy Schaver? It's very nice. We've got our own Big

Aristotle in studio. World Class entertainment. see Willie Miles. Good morning, Willie. Good morning. Yeah, did you guys know that Best Buy celebrating their 60th anniversary here in town? Yes. You were aware of that. Yeah, they had a big sale over the weekend. I'm kicking myself, I didn't go.

You could buy a $100 gift card for $60. What the hell were you thinking? Come on, Josh. That's silly. That used to be your hangout. Definitely, to the point where I was kind of embarrassed they were talking about me. Like, my God, does this guy do anything other than walk around our store?

All the time. When we first started dating here at the radio station, you know, 30 years ago, when we had free time, that's where you always wanted to take me. You wanted to take me to Best Buy. Circuit City. Circuit City. You loved going to all the electronic shops. Look at that stereo. Definitely.

To television. Look at that DVD player. You were wrapped up in that stuff. Very passionate about it. That was a place to go back in the day, though. Absolutely. They were a big client in mine for years. I did a lot of shows for Best Buy.

Oh, yeah? Really? Yeah, when they first moved at their campus out there on 494. Sure. Yeah, they were a big, yeah, marketing and then ads and then advertising department and then, you know, people, human resources or, you know. Did you have any good DVD or subwoofer jokes or anything like that? Oh, my. I did a whole show just on electronics and the stuff that they were selling in the store.

and I can't tell you how much free stuff I got from Best Buy. That's why I think that, you know, I had such nice stuff at my house. People used to be like, man, you bought the most up-to-date stuff. And I'm like, bruh, yeah. Went into a lot of debt between Circuit City. It took me, Randy, I bought a DVD player. My dad was going to kill me. I was 18.

I got a credit card. It took me two years to pay off. Oof. My DVD player. from Circus City. I thought my dad was going to murder me on that one. A lot of text messages are coming in since I mentioned Shaquille O'Neal. A lot of text messages are coming in making toothbrush jokes.

I'd be right there with you. But I made the joke already at 6.30. I went that route already, so I couldn't do it twice in one day. But a lot of you are saying, yeah, keep an eye on your toothbrush. He does a lot of good stuff. He does. He does. 60 years ago, Best Buy was founded by,

one dude named Richard and one dude named James. They started a stereo shop in St. Paul, 19 and 66. They originally called the joint. Josh, what did they call it? Sound of music. He's even a historian on the topic of Best Buy. All right, gentlemen. I'm guessing most of us didn't see last night's Twins athletics game in its entirety

because of the late start, but she turned out to be a win for the boys, and that's all that really matters in their world, whether we're watching or not. Those peckerheads need wins. Zebby Matthews was strong. Josh Bell, of course, continues to be a terrific member of that lineup. And the twins beat the homeless athletics 9 to 6. Buck had been cold as ice since coming back from injury. He had three hits last night, scored four times.

Rookie Kalin Culpepper had four hits for the first time in his career. Only 14 games in. He had a four-hit night. So a nice start to the series. Game two is tonight. The starters are penciled in as Taj Bradley and a kid called Gage Jump. What?

J-U-M-P, Jump. Yep. He's their number one pitching prospect. So they started things off all right last night, Randy Shaver. 16 hits. Every player in the Twins lineup had at least one hit in the game. 28 total hits. hits. So there's a lot of offense, which you would expect in a AAA stadium that they're

playing in in Sacramento because the A's don't move to Vegas for another over... Nine years. 28 is when they move in. One thing about Zebby Matthews, he's 8 and 8. He's one less when shy of Tage Bradley. And I don't think of them as the same way. I think Taj has had in my mind Taj has had a much better year but in reality

they have almost the same wins Yeah so you're saying your mind is not reality Well What are you saying? When it comes to Zebi Matthews I'm a psychology major I just analyze when people talk

I just My mind is not reality Yeah It just seems like You know First of all Tage has been stuck on nine wins for a long time. Hopefully he'll get win number 10 tonight. But, you know,

maybe Zebby's finding his way here down the stretch. This could be a very big September for Zebby Matthews. I mentioned, I think last time we talked about him, I mentioned that I still feel like he has a lot of potential and can be a regular contributor for years with this club. He's got a few things to tweak. He's still very young. Back to our conversation about Best Buy, who's celebrating their 60th anniversary here in town. See, Willie Miles said he used to do a lot of gigs for Best Buy and got a lot of things for free. A listener texted in to say, I got a lot of free stuff at Best Buy, too, and they banned me for life. Yet you need permission.

Right. When you had that promotion, when Best Buy had their music store, I wish they still did. That was cool. They hooked you up with a lot of good stuff. Well, they hooked me up with a guitar. And a drum machine. Or not drum machine, electric drum kit. Did I get that for free?

Yeah. Jesus. They gave us both. Not to sound like I'm bragging or not, because I'm not at all. It's just to say their generosity, they were really, really good to work with. Yeah. In trade for our endorsement, they just gave us some instruments as such. It was very nice. That guitar is beautiful.

Yeah. I mean, it's an Ace Fraley style, Les Paul, the Sunburst that Ace played all those years in Kiss. And one night I was actually lucky. lucky enough to get it autographed by Tesla, one of my favorite bands. And I have that in the case, Josh. Yeah, you got to hold on to that. As we've covered before, I struggled so badly with trying to play the guitar that I stopped trying. And I'm happy to just put that guitar in a case and leave it be until all the members of Tesla are dead.

And maybe I can cash in on the Sunday. All right. They just won't die. Come on. I'll be dead first. I'll drop dead first. Last night was the return of the pant load. Yeah.

The revenge of the load. Cal Raleigh of the Seattle Mariners. Some bitch has been getting his nuts kicked in all baseball season. Feeling bad for the guy at this point. He's been just piss poor. But last night against the Philadelphia Phillies, the prick hit three dongs in the ball game. He had never done that afore.

Wow. So he's got one happy moment he can think back. on for the 20 and 26 baseball season. Because he hasn't done Dick Tracy. No, in fact, he is still shy of 20 home runs in the season. I mean, last night, I think he, those three got him up to 17 on the year. He's been hurt too. Got to give him that.

But, yeah, he goes three for three last night. His batting average is 167. In fact, in fact, the Mariners, the Mariners start. three guys in their batting a lineup last night that are hitting less than 187. Very twins-like. Yes. How many years did we see that? Twins-like from a year-old type of a thing.

Yes, yes. My God. Three players batting less than 187 or less. And these are professionals. Professional athletes, see Willie Miles. Baseball is a game of failure. It is. It is.

Professional failure. Yes. It's a game of failure, so it's not surprising that you have players like that. After the ball game, the pant load said, I've never done that before, meaning three home runs in a game. He says, I've never done it at any level. Yeah, we could tell from most of what we've seen from you this season. All right.

The owner of the San Francisco 49ers was busted for dealing with hookers. My God. He's your every man. Now, that's the kind of story that gets me pumped up for this year upcoming NFL season. Yeah, you like the surrounding. story. Love it. Jed York is the fella's name. He's the owner. Owns a, owns a. Billionaire. Is he

a billionaire? Believe so. He has to be. He's 46 years old. Ooh, that's prime age for a guy to get dialed in on prostitution. Yeah. If you haven't already, that's kind of when you're stopped. It is. That's tracks. I mean, that's right. Yep. So you're saying this. I still have something to look forward to? You got a few years yet. Yeah. All right. Hanging there, buddy. He also filed for divorce

in May, so he's like Oh, yeah, he's on a bender. Dry spell, a little bit. I don't get it with that kind of money, though. Can't you just get a girlfriend? Well, same thing with Tiger Woods. Well, he's your every man. Same thing.

See, Willie Miles, he doesn't want a girlfriend. That's not exciting. But they don't have to be a girlfriend just for a night. He wants that trailer park action. He's got a... Everybody's difference, see William Miles. He's got a certain, he's got a hankering. He's got a, he's probably had it all.

He's probably had it all. Right. You know, your taste changes with time. And like I said, mid-40s, that's the sweet spot where guys start getting dialed into prostitution. But you got to have a backup somewhere. He ain't got no backup. He failed as a man. He was arrested on suspicion of engaging in prostitution in prostitution in a

Ohio over the weekend. He's from Ohio. Oh, so he was back home? Guess he was back home. So it says here now that Jed York dude, the owner of the San Francisco 49ers, was trying to get it smooth on with prostitutes in the trailer park. They say he paid $140

in trade to bump Ugs in a trailer park. There in Ohio. So he literally went to a trailer park. Yeah. Yeah. He contacted who we thought were a herd of prostitutes. What do they call them when they're in a group? Is it a herd?

A pack? A cup. He thought he was, with his cellular telephone, he dialed up what he thought was a herd of prostitutes in a trailer park in Ohio. Hookers are us. He drives on over there, but there was no squish waiting on a player, just big, broad-shouldered law enforcement officers. They beat him unmerciful, and then they slapped the irons on him.

So someone mentioned he's in the process of, I heard he's in the process of going through a divorce. Yeah, he filed in May. So he's not officially, so a lot of people are saying, this could be good for the X. This is not going to work well for him that he's officially in the process of getting divorced and now this. Yeah, if you're worth $8.5 billion, I'm guessing the divorce wasn't as smooth as mine was. Probably not. We had nothing really to split up. Do you think he's going to lose his job?

I don't know. I mean, there's been scandals. Oh, wait a minute. Yeah. Robert. Kraft got the HJs, right? Anything happened there? Nothing happened to Robert Kraft.

Zero. Right. Okay, I should have changed my question. But then again, maybe my question was legit. As the owner, he can't fire himself, but the NFL can certainly do. The NFL could push him out kind of like they did to Dan Snyder. Well, that was different. I don't remember Dan Snyder.

He was throwing out some racial epithet. Oh, is that what that was? The Washington. That's different. Anyway, so the NFL. Kraft was doing the same kind of doing the... Kraft was paying for hand jobs at a massage part. Kraft is good buddies with a Goodell.

Godell's never going to do anything about that. And as Jada kiss says, it turned out that was audio and video. There was audio and video? Oh, I do not want that audio or that video. Yeah, they kept it out. Yeah, everybody knew Robert Kraft was going nowhere. But anyway, this Jed York got a couple of kids, too. He's got a couple of sons.

Oh, that sucks. and they're of the age where they probably are going to understand. They're on the Internet. I don't know how are they teenage kids? 10 and 13. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they got false.

They know what hookers are. The NFL has said, you know, they always dump the same cliche. We are aware. Exactly. We're aware of the matter. Say it, Shaver, you know it by heart. We're aware. They're going to review everything under the personal conduct policy.

The Niners also commented. but she had a whole lot of nothing. Yeah. The detail of the story that kind of struck me is kind of funny was the $140 price take because you know that was negotiated upon. You know, like a woman are like, oh, my going rage is $140. You know, it was probably maybe like $200. He negotiated it down to $140, which for a guy that's worth $8 billion is kind of hilarious to me.

But if it's $1,000, if it's like an odd number like that, that's a setup, man. Those are cops numbers. Those aren't real. Be cooking experience, he will. You're right. You're right. You're right. I've been in the entertainment game a long time.

You've got to know a setup when you do one. You would like these drugs. That'll be $57. Yeah, exactly. You're exactly right. That never dawned on me. No.

But a real prostitute's going to go from 100 to 150 to 200 to 200 and like that. Exactly. Maybe, maybe once in a while a 75 is thrown in there. Right. But there's never a 40 in there. Like she hasn't eaten in two or three days of what. Why are we dealing in 40s? Exactly.

Who cares that kind of gas? Outside of maybe, you know, cash machines dispensed 20s, so maybe there's something there. But it's like 100. Do prostitutes make change? No. That would be a tip. That would be a rude question to ask. The only change they make, Josh, got changed for 100.

They will make a change in your marital status. Yeah, true. Also your SDD test. So apparently this Jed York, owner of the San Francisco. He's already gone to court. The mug shot's pretty humbling. That's on 93x.com. He looks like a giant dork is what he looks like.

Yeah, he does. Do you see like pictures? There's a bunch of pictures. Here he is here. Here he is here. You know, with his life. I only saw one picture. He does look like a giant door. He looks like a nerd.

What billionaire doesn't look like a giant tort? Right. Boy, good question. Literally. So the state of Ohio already dummied down the charge of engaging in, if this matters to anybody, I'll just let her buck. They dummied down one. count of engaging in prostitution, they pushed that down to disorderly conduct.

He has a charge of possessing criminal tools. Now that refers to his cell phone because that's how he got a hold of what he thought were prostitutes. In the end, it was barrel-chested cops. He's paid a couple of fines, but this is just a beginning. I think the NFL will push this guy out. And the new owner of the 49ers will be Huey Lewis from Huey Lewis and the news. That'd be great.

And he could perform it every half. That's my prediction. Well, I think they're going to have a hard time doing that if they didn't do that to Robert Kraft because that was just as egregious. And, you know, I mean, he can afford the greatest attorneys in the world. Oh, 100%. So you think he's sticking around? He's sticking around.

All right. He's sticking around. All right, we'll see. He's sticking around. Not that he should. I think him and Robert Kraft, both of them should have been, you know what I mean? I think that's unbecoming. Unbecoming of.

Oh, somebody be, never mind. Yeah. Somebody me. You see what I did there? They were both unbecoming. But you know, what a lot of folks are going to focus on, and what we've already discussed a little bit of this morning, is a lot of folks are going to say,

what's this billionaire doing in a trailer park? You got to understand, you know. Everyone's different. And sometimes, you know, you get a little dose, and you've got to have some more. Because I doubt this is the first time he's, visit any trailer. I'm just saying this. I wouldn't think so. He got a taste of it. He likes slumming it. He likes danger a little bit. The danger.

It's all part of it. Because as people are saying, I mean, this guy, he could fly to Vegas, get something from free. That's not what he wants. He doesn't want that. He can get his rocks off anywhere. Right. But he's got a specialty. He's got a specific hankering here. It's called sickness. Oh, it reminds me of the time when we were hanging out with a veteran sports writer in town. And we were talking about all athletes cheat on their wives. You know, they got these amazing gorgeous wives and they cheat on them all the time. And he just said, you show me a beautiful girl.

I'll show you a millionaire athlete who's sick of banging her. Yeah. Wow. I've heard that. You don't even have to be a millionaire athlete. See, I heard that slogan when I was a kid and it had nothing to do with money or what you do for a living. It was just show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a guy who's sick of her.

Because we're big, dumb animals, right? I mean, that's just guys. You know, we always think the grass might be greener. You know, I got some of this. want more of that. That's just, that's just dudes. That's just the dude that ain't watering the grass where he's at. I'll tell you a story that, yeah, he's not getting it done at home. Right. You water the grass where you had and it'll never get brown. Many years ago, there was this foxy lady that I knew. She was a waitress at a bar I used to frequent. Naive as the day is

long. God bless her. But I think we were watching the Twins game one night there at the bar and she says, oh, that relief picture there, Donnie, you know, Lickenstein? She says, uh, former all star. He is the sweetest guy. And I saw, I said, oh, you, you know Lickenstein? And she says, oh, yeah, I've met him at a club downtown. He's just the sweetest guy. As a matter of fact, he's invited me to join him when the twins take a road trip to Toronto in a couple of weeks. And I said, well, because I knew a little bit about Lichenstein. I said, isn't he a, he's a married guy, isn't he? And this is like a foxy lady, 21-year-old gal. I said, he's a married guy,

isn't he? And she said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he talks about his wife. He loves his wife. He's got his kids. And, you know, so I run into him at this club downtown all the time. Oh, it's not that. He's not inviting me up there for that. And I said, come on. And she said, well, what? And I said, pull your head out of your ass. I said, he's looking for you to be his Canadian part-time squish. She really had no idea, never suspected. And I said, I said, you got to be careful with this. I said, I know he's got a wife and kids.

I'm sure he speaks glowingly of all of them. But, I mean, come on. He's like 33 years old. You're this 21-year-old blonde. I mean, wake up. No, no, no. That's not what it is about. Believe me, I know the guy.

I know Donnie Lickenstein. That's not the... So, two weeks go by. she's not at the bar for a few days because she's on the road trip she goes on the road trip the next time I saw her she walks up and says yeah you were right

he's out of the country so different rules yeah not even not even different zipco she felt totally embarrassed and silly about it she said you're right I went up to watch the game

and after the game we met for drinks and you know he started doing this and that I said well yeah you'd if Mr. Lickman Einstein asked you to go, wouldn't you also assume, like, oh, he wants to have a relationship with me? Yes. You weren't buddies. You'd think something's going on.

Yes. That's kind of shocking she didn't figure that out. She had some shortcomings. Maybe she just sees the best in people. God doesn't give with two hands. Well, you know, we had B-comings. Right. In this case, we have shortcomings.

Did you want to invite her on a road trip and just see what happened? Jesus. Were you fall for it twice? Man, I'm going to old Claire. You want to ride? I got skills, Cubby, but I was no Donnie Lickenstein. Do I know her? I know you met her once.

I doubt you'll remember her. I got a picture. Would I know the actual reliever's name if you said? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you would. Yeah. I've heard him tell.

All right. Oh, real quick, if you want to go back to, a story we had a couple of days ago. Do you remember the teenage girl in Tennessee, 16-year-old girl, who went running onto a football field and knocked the piss out of one of the football players? So she's 16. She was watching a middle school-aged football game. She runs onto the field. She knocks one of the players on their ass. She has upped and revealed why she did it. I assumed it was she was defending her boyfriend. But that was not true.

She was defending her little brother. So in this junior high football game, there was a lot of rough stuff, grabbing face masks, a couple kids got ejected. One of the players who was ejected was her brother. So there was this play. They're grabbing back and forth. The referee family said, okay, both you kids get out of here.

She comes running out, knocks one of the players on their ass. she was defending her brother. Her name is Addison. I think she still has to go to Juvicourt for this. They're still banning her from ever returning to that ball field ever again. All of us have her have had sisters. I can't imagine. We'll see, Willie, the stories you tell, I can imagine your sister's doing this.

Right. Not on the field. My sister would never, if I was getting my butt kicked on the football field, that's on me. You don't want that. In a fight, that's different. I would have to finish the fight, win or lose. my sister will then find out if I got my butt kicked unjust and like I wasn't bothering nobody I didn't start no fight if I got beat up my sister's coming and that's that's on you buddy yeah from

what you've said right she was but you would have never wanted her running out of the football meet no that is that is unacceptable right sister had way more you know character than that this young gal I mean she thought she was doing the right thing but maybe let your brother take care of his own business. He doesn't want to be the dude at his junior high school who's labeled as a kid who needs his sister to fight his battles for him. Your sister's feisty, Nick, but I can't imagine her doing something like that. Oh, she never would have done that

when we were kids. What if it was the situation C. Willie described? It was a fight, you know, like at recess, would she wait after school? If we were great, maybe like if we were second or third grade kids, my brother and I, I'm referencing my twin brother and I, maybe then. Maybe when we were second or third graders and some

fifth or sixth grader would have tuned us up maybe then. But my sister's always known you don't jump in and defend your brothers. That's only going to make things worse for him. Unfortunately, I can say that if I was getting my ass kicked by cheap shots on the football field, my sister definitely would have ran on the field and helped them kick my ass. She put on their uniform. She would have put on the opposing uniform.

She would have went the other way. Yeah, yeah. She was like, I want to get in on this. This looks great. Is she older or younger? I don't think I ever knew. She's a couple years older to me. Is she?

That seems like the older, is it your older sister's? Oh, 100. Are you the youngest? Yeah, yeah. I have a younger brother, but yeah, I'm the youngest. Yeah, I have nine old sisters. Okay. And she was kind of like the middle sister, but she was the enforcer in our family.

She was undefeated, to put it that way, of all family members other than my mother. My mother was actually undisputed heavyweight champion of our house. That's right. By the way, a few listeners are guessing which twins reliever from 20 years ago was bringing side-ass to Toronto, Canada. A lot of these are trying to guess so far of you. None of you are correct. None of you. Just for the record.

All right. Hanging out here with Randy Shaver and see Willie Miles. You know, it's one thing for a baby to be on a street corner selling weed in the middle of the night. We've all seen that by now. I got kids of feet. I love that bit. Randy, you've seen that right? A baby on the sidewalk in the middle of the night selling weed?

Sure, all the time. In my neighborhood. In my neighborhood. How about a damn baby suddenly appearing on the field during a professional soccer game? Now, this was a recent matchup between our hometown Minnesota United and the San Jose earthquakes? Yep. They had a problem. And by the way, if for some bizarre reason you were watching this game live or on television,

and you might have heard the lead announcer, the lead play-by-play person, said, oh, there's a baby on the field. And you likely would have asked yourself, what the F did they just say? But it was for real skis. There was, if you were watching live, there was a quick cut to a camera along the sideline, and it showed a referee handing a damn baby to a stadium security guard on the sidelines. So there is no video of the baby on the field, but it was there. The kid was smiling because babies are dumb.

I mean, he's not wrong. It had no idea, you know, what was going on. The baby was taken to the sideline handed to a lady. But what folks are wondering is, you know, whose damn kid was that? Was it a player's kid, a coach's kid? As far as I know, there hasn't been an answer to that question yet. But there was a baby on the soccer field. Now see if you can wrap your head around this.

Word is, this was the second. time in just over a year that a baby has wandered onto the field during a pro soccer game. How the hell is this possible? Anthony Edwards, man. He's got to slow down. You can't keep track of him anymore. Little ant. Last summer, a baby ran onto the soccer field during a game between Dick United. How do I say that?

DC. Oh, DC United. I can see how you get mixed up. Oh, my God. I took the D and the C and I made the word anyway. Oh, my God. And they were playing a Chicago team. Last summer, a baby ran onto the soccer twice in a year.

How is this possible? At least it wasn't an NFL game. Given the nature of soccer, good chance a kid wasn't going to get hit or anything. True. Where are these babies coming from? And how are they ending up on the soccer field? Josh told you, Anthony Edwards. The baby from last summer, they say it was quickly ranking.

by animal control and taken away from the uh they drank it they yeah put it a little snare get those babies off the street what movie 651 989 93993 people are continuing to guess which former twin reliever i thought i saw a correct answer but maybe it disappeared was bringing 21 year old girls across the canadian border um one of you are correct okay yep all you got to see this video you really do. This is a lot of laughs. Although that Usain Bolt's character probably isn't pleased by this, because two humanoid robots in China have destroyed Usain Bolt's 100 meter meter world record.

Whoa. And then, when they were done running the race, they crashed into a wall. Yes. And it's just hilarious. That was sad. Fell in the pieces. That was so funny. They just were like spats.

They took himself out. I mean, they ran the race beautifully, high knees and everything, right? The human, this is an event. They have an event over there called the Humanoid Robot Games, where the robots, I'll tell you about the events here in a second. But they had the 100 meter meter, and in the race, they're just beautiful.

I've never seen anything so fast. But they're dumb, right? Like babies. They don't know what the hell is going. All they're taught is to run. At the end of the race, they crashed into a wall, and they're like spasoming on the ground because they don't know.

know where to go next. You see what I mean? They're not programmed to deal with. They were told to run 100 meters. Yeah. And here's the deal. And they forgot to breathe. You have to breathe when you're running. And that's what, and they overheated, man. You kept all of that. Everybody tells you, tune you take off on the block, big breath. And they didn't do that. And when you run at that speed and then you finish and then your body just collapsed. And that's what it did. My favorite part is when it smacks into that mat. And then it kind of almost kind of gets its balance back as it's moving backwards and then just goes

ass over and explodes. Did you guys watch the robot fail videos? All the sports robots they have? Oh, you'd love it. It's hilarious. Like just a general video of all... Yeah, just like a super cut of some of these robots, these athlete robots failing.

One of them, it says here, one of them when the race was over and, by the way, Boys in the Hood is a correct movie. Get your babies off the street. One of the robots ended up in the stands. Because it's just, it's just cluelessly convulsing and they had to beat it to death. With a shoe. He was looking for his engineer.

Some of those karate robots, boxing robots, it's nuts. But two of the three robots racing at the humanoid robot games in China, two of the three broke Usain bolts 100 meter world record. They've been doing this for a couple of years now, the human, how do I say it again, humanoid robot games? A humanoid robot also broke the standing high jump world record. It just shot right up into the bleachers. Over 2,000 robots are currently competing in the world human.

I keep having trouble with this. The world humanoid robot game. So maybe you can find this on the internet. Let me give you the events. Of course, the 100 meter meter. They have the robots playing soccer, table tennis, wrestling, Cisoring, weightlifting. I'm sorry.

Ciscering. What? Excuse me? I know a guy who was a big sticks fan, you know, his whole life. And when they released that single, he had three words. What the F? Yeah, first time I heard it was the same thing. All right.

Soccered, table tennis, wrestling, scissoring, weightlifting, tug of war, pegging, martial arts, dance. And this is for real now. Well, most of what I've told you so far is for real. Aside from the obvious. the robot's also competing in clothes folding. I guess that would be pretty cool to have a robot that duds that, but I don't know if I want to watch.

That'd be awesome. It'd be kind of satisfying to watch, too, I bet, because I bet they do it just perfectly. Then watch them just explode after he's done. Yeah. There's no one else to do. Your washer and dryer is gone. My clothes are on fire now.

Everything's destroyed. Two more humanoid robot events for you. Factory label. Here we are live at the factory label finals of the human. We've got a robot who's going to fill a bucket with ceiling texture and a robot who's going to put a palette on a flat bed. I don't know. This kind of seems like maybe the people that put this together, they just need some things done for them. And they also competed in restaurant service. Oh, no.

Uh-oh, coming for the servers. They would never replace servers, though. I told you I saw it at a sushi restaurant. Yeah, I've seen it at a sushi restaurant. Yeah, I've seen it at an Asian restaurant. Yeah, that's the only place I've ever seen it. I've seen the sushi trains. I've never seen the actual robots come out.

Those are cool. Well, I shouldn't call it a robot then, but it has a robot face. Oh. And it just cruises around. Like it blinks and everything. Yeah, the one that I saw, it wasn't a server. It was like a busser. So it would drive by and you would just put like your empty stuff on it and it would take it somewhere.

What if it stops at you and it doesn't blink? Just stares at you. I don't want nothing to do with that. I'm not walking into any restaurant if they got robots walking around. I kind of love that. I don't like sushi, and it only delivers the sushi, so I didn't, I had just a stupid regular human. That sucks. I would have ate sushi just for that day.

I would have gutted it. Throw back in the human's face and say, you've had the robot bring it out to me. I love seeing those, this cool, like I get entertained by, I go, I think they have them at other cubs, too. they have a little cleaning machine that's a robot. And I always end up, I swear it follows me around. You always think it's going to hit you. And then at the last second, it's like, beep, babe, babe, babe, babe, turns around and then it finds me again.

I've seen that. Just going to sneak right by you. At Sam's Club, too, where it's like scanning stuff. Do you price checks or something? Yeah, it's so cool to me. What do you do, a little guy? Can I tell you my favorite restaurant joke? Sure.

a waiter walks up to a table filled with 50-so-year-old women, and the waiter says, is anything all right? Randy Shaver, you were a world-class sprinter in the early 60s. Did you watch the robots run the 100-meter meter yet? I did see it. Do they have good form? Oh, yeah. We covered that.

They're beautiful. They're beautiful when they run. Very impressed. All right. going on now, the humanoid robot. It's weird because they start out, it's not so impressive. Yeah, no. How's that a record?

And all of a sudden, they take off. It's insane. It's like one of those electric cars. Right? They've got incredible, what's the word in the business? Tork? No. Pickup? Yeah, yeah, but there's an acceleration. Acceleration, yeah.

They don't look, and then all of a sudden they hit an acceleration button and they're gone. I had something and I lost it. Oh, here's a text message. from a listener who said no robot there ain't no robot that's ever going to break the record held by Josh's mama oh boy wow

there's only a man or tenant though there's sex robots out there I'm assuming this is a sex dude I bet they surpassed your mom by like a while ago yeah Ashley anything would be surpassing it they've done it three times for the record I just want to be proud of myself here and brag a little bit when we were talking about sushi

trains, I almost made a joke and I resisted, so good on me. Oh, about my mother? Yes. Yeah. Thank you for that. You're welcome. But when you bring it up later, it's like you made the joke. Yeah. Ah, you're right. What's right there. If the word record is what you are drinking on today, then you're in real trouble because I'm going to go this route again. Josh's personal record of traffic tickets has been broken. By far.

When you were a kid, you got a lot of speeding tickets. You told us somewhere's in the 20s. Not quite close. Definitely double digits. What kind of window of time did you pile up all these tickets? Four or five years? From like 1992 to 1999. You got a lot of tickets.

Yeah, I haven't gotten to tickets since 1990. Mostly speeding, right? Mostly, yes. As a matter of fact, exclusively. Your record has been broken and has been very. broken by an all-time great. A world champ. Alexander Ovechkin.

Ovechkin. He's around a month away from kicking off his 22nd God help us hockey season in the National Hockey League. He goes back to Russia for some reason during the off season. I don't care if he's from there. You would think he'd be over that by now. And while he's there, he's not particularly concerned about the country. traffic laws.

It says here, Alexander Ovechkin picked up 33 different traffic violations in the four months he's been back in Russia. 33 tickets in four months while driving a minivan just for the record. And again with the word record.

Then while driving a minivan. I've had some fun being a passenger in a very high-speed minivan. One of my, of course, my stupid brother and his friend were driving me and my niece, I don't know, just around. And their goal was to make it to like 120 in a minivan. I remember not, I've like never

been that afraid in my life. I thought this is it. But they were so cool in my eyes. So I was trying so hard to be chilled the whole time. I have to admit when you used to see those, this is your speed signs, he'd try and set a record. Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course. I don't feel that way anymore. You said the word again. I hope not. driving a minivan 33 traffic violations in four months the violations included speeding

driving on a toll road without paying so is he like an entitled dick or what? Oh yeah that's got to be seems like it yeah I always thought he was a nice guy maybe he's an entitled dick he would stop in places

you're not allowed to he didn't pay any of his parking tickets so he got a lot of parking tickets didn't pay him don't you know who I am I kind of wonder maybe not maybe that's not it but you kind of wonder somebody of that status.

He's thinking finally Ovi is above the law here in the homeland. Maybe he thinks going on. He deals with that. Oh, you assume he has a person for that? Don't I have a guy for this? He's probably got a guy. That's a good point, too. Where's the guy? I was like telling the story

of a couple of my buddies from high school who went to Russia because they had a relative living out there. And if you guys have met some of my friends, you should have seen them in 1991. You know what I mean? Head full of hair, just disgusting looking, right? So these two pals of mine are walking around Russia. They just landed on their airplane ride, and they're walking around

the airport. Soon they'll be headed off to meet their relative. And they noticed that these young kids were following them. And more and more like teenage kids were following them. And finally, my buddy said to stop and say, can we help you? And they did know how to speak the language. So obviously that's going to go a long ways. And they said to the kids, can we help you? And the kid said, yeah, are you guys the Scorpions? Well, yes, we are. You want to buy us some drinks? No, we are not members of the legendary German hard rock band, the Scorpions.

We're just visiting. And back to hockey. They found that professional women's hockey league championship trophy. They found it. Yesterday, we talked about how it had gone missing somewhere in transit, while being shipped to the champion of the professional women's hockey league, the Montreal Victoire. It was lost during shipment somehow.

They found it. The league wants to thank everyone who helped track it down, this and that. But they're not giving any, how do I say that, Josh, they're not giving away any details. Yeah, they haven't said where it was. As to how or what the hell happened there. I mean, of course, had this been the Bud Grant trophy, That's what it should be called in the National Football League.

If that had been the Bud Grant Trophy or the Larry O'Brien or the Stanley Cup, people would have come uncorked. This isn't as big of a story fair or not that they lost the women's hockey show. But they found it. And somehow the unbelievable Minnesota Lynx lost last night by 26 points or 24 points to the Golden State Valkyrie. But they still have a 31 and 8 record. and by God they should walk proud on account of that. Yeah, disappointing, considering they could have clinched the number one seed last night with a win.

Falkyre is a good team, though. They are. A very good team. See, Willie Miles knows that WNBA. He does. All right, Randy Shaver. Some bitch that you are, we appreciate all your help in putting together another great broadcast this morning. Oh, do we lose, Randy?

Randy, are you there? This is where you say thank you to us. Yes, we expect to come. compliment. Yeah. Randy is... Did he drop? Gone.

He's gone. I don't hear Darth Vader, so yeah. Fair enough. He's gone. Yeah, usually we can hear a breathe. We can hear all the deep intricacies of his respiratory system if he's there. He's on the cul-de-sac racing some robots in a 100-meter dash. He's going to lose.

We'll be back in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. Three. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-E. Start your day with the morning jolt. of Drake C. Toll. See, now it's on demand. My podcast is kind of a radio thing, I think, but also it's a bit of a TV show, and it's about whatever I want it to be. It's listening live as it happened, when it happened, with the instant reaction. Your home for talking sports. We go back, the Drake Toll Show, Westwood One Sports Network, and there will be on demand on your radio. Anywhere in the country, I'll see you there.

Westwood One Sports Talk. Your home for Drake C. Toll. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X. All right. Yes, it is the Tuesday broadcast. Yes, C. Willie Miles is here. Yep. And for my money, I think we're having a pretty decent time. Like the great Andrew Dice Clay once said, it's not about laughter.

It's about comedy. See Willie. Yes, sir. I think it was your last visit here to the program that we had a spirited conversation about homeowners associations. Yes, we did. And you told us. story about a uvula or something house related what was that again a pergola a pergola anyways we jaw jacked about homeowners associations we talked about how some HOAs

can be a terrible pain in the ass just awful they'll find you for this they'll find you for that you can't use a garage door you can't let your dog go here or there they can be nothing but trouble why are some of those HOA commanders, the president, whatever the title is, why do they come off like such incredible hard-ons? Well, the answer is power. Right. Yep, get a little taste of that. Some people lost for power.

Oh, Cubby, they want that power so bad they can taste it. Power corrupts. More important than anything to some folks. And it gets out of control. And it does corrupt, see, Willie Miles. Power corrupts. Sometimes, you know, it feels good to feel powerful. It does.

And I remember something my father told me a long time ago about money. You know, he said, my dad said, money don't change people. Money enhances who you are on the inside. Oh, I never heard that before. Yeah. And it's the same with power. You know what I mean? If you get power, if you're a good person on the inside, you won't abuse power.

But if you're a jerky person on the inside, you will abuse power. It'll show your true colors. Jerky. A hundred percent. 100 percent. It gets out of control. So here's what I have for you today. I have some more examples of certain titles folks can hold

where just a small amount of power goes right to their headskies. They land a certain responsibility, they land a certain position in life with just a little bit of power and it goes straight to their noggins. Like say, for example, and I think you really like this, becoming the fantasy football commissioner. Oh my gosh. They always get a little out of hand. Do they really?

Yeah. Luckily, I'm in some good leagues right now, but I mean, still the commissioners, they got, like the commissioner in one of my leagues, he like plays into it. Like he pretends to be arrogant about certain things because it's kind of what you do. Kind of plays like the Vince McMahon roll back in the day.

Now, when I used to play fantasy football, I can't say I ever had it. negative experience with the commissioner. They were good guys, reasonable guys, but I can picture the type of character who would land the title of Fantasy Football Commissioner and be

a douche about it. Yeah, I've only done it once and the guy was great, but you're right. I could definitely picture that. Especially since, I mean, when I did it, it was early on and it was nowhere near what it's become. Yeah, it's a monster now. And I should correct myself. We don't call the

fantasy football commissioners. We don't call him the commissioner. We call him the dictator in our league. See, I had the opposite experience. I play fantasy football. A couple leagues where the commissioner just upped and quit said, I'm not dealing with you A-Holes anymore. You're emailing me at all hours of the night.

I don't care. Figure out yourselves. I'm done. Yeah, we had a commissioner do the exact same thing. That would stress me out so much. We had a commissioner do the exact same thing, or at least he threatened. He said, if you frigging gibronies don't get a grip,

I'm going to blow the whole thing up. Because so many of the players or whatever you want to call it, they were just, I mean, they overthought and fought back and forth over late night trades. It was just so dumb. And the commissioner said, I'm going to blow it up. I'll hit the button right now because this is not what we're here for. Shut it down. I'm not your babysitter.

I'm not your parent. You guys solve your little disputes between trades yourselves. See, the problem is, is the commissioner should not be part of the program. just should be the commissioner. Right. And not being anything else. And the guys that I was involved in, they did exactly that. They were totally cool.

I enjoyed it. But people take stuff like that way too serious. Oh, God, yes. And they get so mad. It's because of... How come he got to do this? And I didn't. And we said we weren't going to do this.

And we did. You're changing the rules. Then you get a screenshot of the rules sent to the group. Oh, my good. Per my last email. Is this all you do with you do with you? your free time? It's a symptom of society as a whole where people don't

understand what the real world is anymore and what isn't. Josh has two words for you when it comes to his fantasy football career. Here's why he made money. Two words. Marshall Falk. Thank you, Mr. Fulke. Did you kill it?

Marshall Falk with 300 yards a game and four touchdowns. The Marshall now! Cubby's just pouring beer on his head. I win again. Marshall Falk. At that time, Josh, did you know a lot about football or did somebody like help you out? He knew two words. What were the two words

you knew? Marshall. Marshall. If you had Marshall Falk on your team for a while, like it was almost impossible to not win the league. I've never gotten too mad at fantasy football or anything involved in that because I just don't fully really know what's going on. And I think that's the key. It's just kind of be slightly confused.

So one year Josh got Marshall Falk, I got Robert Smith. It was not fair. Josh, you should have traded them. And sometimes I would just use it in cash. conversation, somebody would be like, hey, you parked in my spot, I could just say, Marshall Fall. Right. You can't come back from that. Did you see what he did yesterday against the

Browns? Marshall Folk. Dana, I bet that if Nick sincerely asked Josh to trade and had like, you know, a concerned expression on his face, Josh would have. Robert Smith for Marshall Falk straight up, yeah, Josh would have done that. I'll give him to you for free. How about a trade?

You give me Marshall Falk and I'll give you this bag of dicks. And Josh would say, well, you know what? Dix earners. Yeah. It seems like kind of a smaller bag of dicks, but I've been meaning to replenish my dick supplies. If it makes you happy.

All right, there's a ceiling on that, so let's be careful. Anyway, okay, more examples of when someone lands a certain position in life and the power goes straight to their head. You guys might have to help me with some of this, because I have no experience. being the group chat admin? Yeah, I didn't get that either. Yeah, I get that, being the one that put everybody in the group chat. Like, say, I have an event going on, and it's just easier to send a group chat.

Yeah, because you kind of, you don't want it to steer off course. And you want to make sure, like, you word your messages where not every message needs a reply from everybody. God, I hit those group chats for an event, and it's like nine numbers in there, I don't know, and everybody's making inside jokes that I don't understand. Dude, shoot me. That's just like company emails. Oh, the reply alls. Why?

Why are we replying all? There's so much comedy going on you. Oh, my goodness. Now, this sounds like fun, and I can understand how this would get out of control. On the topic of you get a little bit of power, and it goes to your head. This sounds like fun, Covey, we should look into this. Getting walkie-talkies at work. Let's get walkie-talkies immediately, please.

And you got one guy with the walkie-talkie who's just squawking into that sum bitch. day long. Oh, I want one of those. I know what you guys are getting for Christmas. Remember those next tells? I was always so jealous of those. It seemed like a lot of people with, you know, hard working jobs had those.

The next tells. What is that? What is that? It was like a walkie, like a phone that you could use a walkie talkie. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Yes. But can you picture that?

Dushbag at work. He's the guy who gets the idea for the walkie talkies. He supplies them. And then he's on that some bit. Hey, Donnie, get over here. Hey, Frankie, you got to move that thing over there. It's just 24-7. I can see where, yeah, that would.

But that sounds like fun. I would love to have constant communication here through walkie-talkies in the building. Me too. Over. I'm picturing it. Yeah. This would be so much fun. Back to the, like the reply-all emails or the group chats.

One of my favorite people in the entire world, James, our co-worker, we don't get to see him very much. He doesn't live here, but he comes into town every couple months. I don't see what you see in James, but go ahead. You know, a lot of people say that to me. They don't get it. They just don't get it with James. But he's like as respectful as he could. He's like, I got to be honest.

Like, when you have these group chats or group emails and there's morning shows involved, it's the worst ever. And I understand because you've experienced it. Tell them why. Everybody has to out funny the other person. Oh, no. But it's not a funny thing. I'm so glad we don't do that. There's always shtick.

There's got, every once in a month, it's like, we don't need the shit. It's madness. Your phone's blowing up. Everyone's always got to remind everybody else. I'm on the radio. I'm the funny guy. I've got a morning show. I've got jokes.

Oh, I can see where I would want to light the building on fire. And he deals with that at various radio stations throughout the country. I can't even imagine. Wow. It's the, you know, the type of get, see Willie where it's the, on their, their, their, what, avatar or whatever you want to call it? Sure. They got to have headphones on or microphone, just so you know exactly what they do.

Yeah, you know what I do. Oh, they can't even do a Zoom call without having the microphone and the headphones on. Yep. That's pretty. Oh, they have walkie-talkie apps, according to Local 34. That's not as cool, though. Get them. I have them on my phone on my watch.

My wife and I do that sometime in the house. You have a watchy talking. You got a Dick Tracy watch? Yeah. I forgot about that. Apple Watch does that. So like your watch right now, if you say something into it,

your wife can hear it? No, not now. We're too far apart. You have to be in the house together? I was going to have you say something dirty or something. Yeah. Like if we go to the farmer's market or something like that and if I don't know where she is,

I can hit her up on a walk and talk. That's sweet. Potatoes, bitch. They're right over here. I found the potatoes. Not that you would ever speak that way. No. Okay.

Power going straight to your head. Getting a Costco membership. That kind of power can go to folks' heads. Josh got a little weird there. Josh flexed on that for a couple months. Well, it's just because I was an executive member. There you go. Was that past tense?

You get the black card. And then I also had Sam's Club at the same time. That's right. Marshall Fulk. What do you got to say? Nothing. What's with this guy? What's with the attitude?

Oh, he's got his brand new Costco membership. Man's a winner. Costco and Sam's Club, you whore? For a little while. Yeah, now I'm just down to one. Being named team captain in a recreational league can sometimes go to somebody's head. I know this person that this just happened to. And the posts on Facebook are like ridiculous.

Like my team, my team is doing this. What are you doing? What are you doing? Like they're bragging about their adult kickball results? You're the person that was in charge of getting the uniforms. Good for you. Being named team captain in a recreational league. Oh, I mean, sure.

I played a lot of beer league hockey and a lot of beer league softball. A lot of championship trophies were collected over the years. I can't say that our manager or in hockey we had a player coach who was wonderful, Calvin Portner, greatest who ever play the good. game. I can't say it was ever our coaches or managers, but certainly I played with some guys who thought of it as a life or death situation. They would dive in the parking lot for a foul ball for Christ's sake. If it meant that we could win this C-League softball divisional game. All right. We're talking about when a little bit of power goes to your head. You gain some

responsibility. You gain some title and you let it get out of control. getting to hold the clipboard. Okay. I remember that being cool when I was a little kid. What do you mean? If you were like the one to be, I don't know, chosen to kind of like lead. Yeah. Or like a line leader.

That would, that was cool too. Line leader? You never had a line leader when all like the little kids will line up and then you'd be the one in the front. So like everyone's got to follow you. Little tiny kids walking at the bus or something. Yeah, I remember thinking that was pretty sweet. Oh yeah, yeah. When we, when we were kids, we got.

Got to be part of the flag team that directed traffic, right when the kids would cross the street after school. Getting the key to your workplace, like the office or the warehouse. It might be a little drunk on power when you got a key to the building. I remember thinking it was pretty cool when I got a fob for this place. I was like, oh, sweet. I don't have to call anybody. I'm official enough that I just swipe right in. Sorry, C. Willie.

I just use a code, too. We didn't get to see Willie Fobb. No, he's got a coat. No, I got a coat. Bar saw Jesus said he became the foreman of a tree trimming crew at a fairly young age. On day one, I fired a douche. 15 minutes later, my boss called and said, yeah, you can't fire anyone. Oh, no.

Dude, you got to get my back on this one. So he's got to see the guy the next day at work then. I was drunk with power. It can happen fast. He had to go. The 93X half-ass morning show. We want the power. Some of us do.

We want it, we need it. Got's to have it. Gotts to. My precious. Got to have it. And then when we get it, we eff it all up and act like a full-on, four-alarm, J. Brone. We've been rapping about how for some of us, a little bit of power can go to our heads.

You'll land a silly little title or responsibility. and suddenly you come off like you're the damn mayor. Here's a good one from Hillman Welder, Jesus. People who are in control of the music in any situation. Yep. A little drunk with power. Josh, when I was in my late teens and early 20s, anytime we had a house party, I was in charge of the music.

Anybody who came near the stereo, boom box, CD player, whatever it was, take an eff and walk. I'm the guy, everyone else can suck it. And if I went to get a beer or take a piss and somebody changed the record, I would flip my lid. That is not your thing. I'm the guy. I finally had a few guys threatened to kick my ass, and I finally realized, yes, I was drunk with power. It even happened to someone like me, Josh.

Someone like me. I tried to be one of those people that controls the ox at a party once, and I played some tech nine. That was kind of hard to understand. That's what I was playing, too, yeah. Yeah, and then people were like, who the heck played this song? This is terrible. You can't even like vibe with it. And I just, I'd never played music again.

Ashley, there have been instances where people, because I work in radio, they're like, oh, yeah, you, you control the music. I'm like, do you want to hear meatloaf and blink 1-82 deep cuts? Because that's up on my playlist. Yeah, don't make me do this. All right, here's what we left off on this list, this article, about some of these little titles you can land. And the power goes to your head, some of you. I've never had this pleasure when you become the Facebook group moderator. Wolfpack Softball Jesus just text that.

Said admins for neighborhood Facebook pages have gotten ridiculous. I want to be one of the moderators so bad. I just love lurking on those pages. I don't use them for any type of useful information. But the neighborhood, I just like seeing the drama. I'm part of the West St. Paul. I have no idea. My mom invited me to this Facebook group.

I don't even know why she's in it. She doesn't live in West St. Paul. Anyway, and like the West St. Paul neighborhood group. The stuff I see in there is amazing. I need to start screenshoting it and making a scrapbook out of the stuff for you guys. It's just the most ridiculous stuff. Sadly, my computer's like broken. You want the gig.

You said you want to be a moderate. Yeah, I want to put people in their place. Yeah, and I want to be. Well, how do you get that title? Does someone have to die? I don't know. I think you, if you become like popular enough, like if you're constantly commenting and engaging, maybe. Is there an election?

Is there an elect? Do you vote who the moderator is? What's the order of succession, Ashley? Not in any group I've been in, but... Can you be the assistant moderator? There are usually assistant moderators. Yeah, there's usually a group of people because it's too much work for one person to handle.

So my wife's a part of the Egan one, and she must filter out the crappy stuff because what I hear is, oh, we're getting a new Italian restaurant. I hear that kind of thing. I'm sure there's a bunch of garbage on there as well. All right, according to this article, landing the role of manager at work can go straight to your head.

As a matter of fact, a text message came in from a listener who says, how about when you work with a guy for 10 years, he gets a promotion to manager, and next day he's a totally different guy. Yeah, that happens. 715 Wildman, mild man, Jesus said

when I got a manager parking spot, it made me into a tyrannical jackass. Oh, not the manager parking spot. Yes. My God. This sounds miserable. Someone who's drunk with power because they are, let me see if I can, I want to be able to read this and put it as distinctly as possible.

Someone is drunk with power because they were put in charge of the family vacation itinerary. That's me. That sounds horrible. I'd rather have somebody take that over. Yeah, I like to be insane about it. Why does there need to be someone who, I mean, let's just play it by ear. We don't need a friggin itiner. I would be aggravated if I ever went on vacation and someone said,

Okay, well, at 9 a.m. We're going to do this. And then at 10.30, that would make me want to go home immediately. F your itinerary. Give it. Give it to me. I love it. I'm not going on vacation with anybody who has a frigging itinerary. I'm on vacation because I don't want to keep a schedule.

Exactly. There you go. That's why I love traveling with my wife. We have no schedule. And if you travel with us and you bring in a schedule, you're traveling alone. That's right, C. Willie Miles. I love to have some idea of a schedule, but it's okay if we, you know, stray from it.

but I like to have a plan at least, so we're not like just messing around for the first hour and a half. I'm like, what are we doing? Are we just going to lay in bed for the next hour? Yes, we're on vacation. I want to go get cool breakfast. I want to go do stuff. How about this?

I thought this was only in the movies. Becoming the Neighborhood Watch Captain? I'm the captain of the Neighborhood Watch. Tonight, Gary, you and Donnie, will be keeping an eye on 3rd Avenue and Main Street at the front door of Hogbauer Automotive to see if... Where is that, by the way? Third Avenue of Main Street.

I was a part of the safety committee here when we had a safety. Oh, God. In the world was your job. A lot of people died during our rain. You were the committee, weren't you? It was just you. You can't have a stapler on your desk. You know what? Our web lady, Christina, she was a part of it.

We had a handful of folks on that thing. She seems like she could save somebody from dying. Oh, she could kick all of her asses. My God, does that sound stupid? And I could take Christina whenever you ask me to it. Josh, you got a lot of stories about, you know, I looked out at home. I looked out the window and saw that, and the teenage kids were doing this, and they spray-painted penises under that.

You had to have considered maybe forming a neighborhood watch. Well, our last place, yeah, in a way. I mean, it became such an issue. The cops put up cameras in our yard to catch some of the stuff going on. Did you make a few telephone calls? Did you volunteer yourself as captain of the neighborhood watch? I made a few telephone calls, and then I ended up hating myself because I bought binoculars to keep it.

Oh, no. And I decided I can't do this anymore. You're totally a neighborhood watch person. That's too far, Josh. Again, there was like prostitution and drug needles and our house was broken into. Wow. You know, the neighborhood was spray-painted. So I had a reason to be a little.

I mean, despite like all the terrible stuff, it sounds pretty entertaining. Would you have purchased uniforms for the neighborhood watch team to wear? Oh, I think we'd have some cool uniforms. Yeah, I have to carry a flashlight. guys would definitely have walkie-talkies. We'd have night vision. Yeah, we'd have a, we'd have, like, what do they call it? The Tumblr.

What's that from Batman? We'd have a pretty cool video. Oh, yeah, the Tumblr. I love this, and this came from a listener. We can wrap this nightmare up on the topic of little titles. I can give you little, little titles. You get a little amount of power, but it goes to your head. You go crazy.

This is a great example from a listener. Youth sports referees. Oh, big time. those bastards they tried to ruin our good time a few a few episodes when I was a young

tights have turned has it not what do you mean would you want to be one now oh no my goodness no you get your family respect

yeah we respected some of them but not many of them I tried to make their life as difficult as possible when I was a young athlete that tradition is carried on just more violent

yeah it's gone to another thanks see Willie Miles yeah Thanks, brother. Thanks for having me. Appreciate it. There's a couple more tickets left for my show, September to 5th. At Crooners. And then this evening, if it doesn't rain, I'm out in Hastings. What the hell?

Levy Park. Doing an outdoor show. Doing an outdoor show. Oh, hell yeah. If it doesn't rain. Is it supposed to? I don't know. There's a chance of it.

I hope not. Dana does cover the weather once or twice on the program. There's a chance of some scattered showers here and there, but it doesn't look like anything too major. Now they said that C. Willie Miles is going to get a monsoon. Yeah, it's going to hail. You're talking about here. What about hastings, buddy? Have fun tonight. See Willie Miles. Thank you again. Wonderful to see as always.

Always. Goat trucking Jesus sent in a happy 65th birthday to what he called the next councilman of Henderson. His dad, Stephen, the purple semi-truck driver, Jesus. And happy 28th to Hannah. 93X half-assed morning show. All right, Josh. Let's get in a fight. then we'll have sex.

I'll show you how it's done. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time.

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