93X Half-Assed Morning Show - The Pit Stop

Episode Date: December 10, 2025

Snow facial. Dirt tooth. Everything you wanna know about the unspoken rules of parenting. Originally aired, Wednesday, December 10, 2025. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. Here we go. Looks as if everyone made it in this morning, and depending on where you're coming from, reaching your destination should be considered a victory. You're a wonderful crowd.

Welcome to the 93X Half-Ass Morning Show. Oh, hopefully if you got somewhere to be this morning, hopefully you can get there without too much trouble. Again, depending on what neighborhood you're in, you're either blasting through snow banks or sun. slip sliding on glare ice this morning. Covey, last night I saw a television meteorologist say that this here, so far, is the wintryest winter in 20 years. Yeah, I saw it also was like the coldest in 30, something like that.

It's been December's reminding us where we live so far. The winteriest winter in 20 stinking years. It was a little worse out there than I thought it was going to be by this time. It started like it's at least by me it stopped last night. I don't know if you guys got it anymore, but it wasn't snowing this morning or anything. No, it wrapped up sometime in the middle of the night. I'm not sure. Saw a couple of spin-outs and people definitely having some trouble.

But yeah, it was a little more rough in certain places. Side streets are tough. Yeah, once you get to the freeways were fine. Freeways were fine, but the side streets I got stuck a couple times had to get out and kind of dig myself out a little bit. Really? Mm-hmm. You got a shovel in the car? Yeah.

That's smart. park on the street. I kind of have to. I haven't thought about putting a shovel in my vehicle just in case I needed to probably shovel somebody else. Your car ain't getting stuck, Josh. Probably not. Your monster truck, that thing ain't getting stuck. Hopefully not. Although sometimes those are the ones you see on the side of the road because we get a little cocky. Yeah, that's true. So, yeah. But no, I left like 20 minutes early just in case. Yeah, all the pickup trucks are out full force this morning on my way. I'm like, all right, yeah, if you want to go 75, 80, let me just slowly get over into this completely snow-covered lane.

It's fine. So as we always do, a shout out to the plow guys and plow gals out there. A lot of people texting in and saying they've been working between 14 and 20 hours already. Wow. It's kind of cool. Some people have been saying us pictures of their view, right? It's like some city plows and folks out there in their pickups plowing this morning. They got cool setups in there.

They're just stocked up with red bulls and sunflower seeds to stay awake. Throwing out trucker bombs. that kind of thing. So you watched a couple of spin-outs happen live? I didn't see them live, no. I just saw they were already. So it could have happened yesterday, right? There was nobody in there that I could tell.

At least the lights were not on. Josh and I both had a similar experience where we got to see a spin-out years ago for me. This has got to be 20 years ago. I got to see a spin-out happen to the car directly in front of me. On a terrible snowy day, I was, oh, God, it's hard for me to even talk about this. I was on 494 in Bloomington.

So it must have been something for work, right? I'm on 494 in Bloomington, and the guy in front of me suddenly loses control of his vehicle, and he's spinning in a circle while continuing to travel down 494. And he was so close in front of me that I got to read his facial expression. a couple of times. And that always will stick with me, seeing the fear and confusion in his eyes as he was just hanging onto this steering wheel and waiting for the momentum to close out, waiting for, you know what I'm talking about? He had zero control, so all he could do is hang on and wait for it to end. Like you said, it was pretty much the exact same experience. I was going over

the bridge here that collapsed. So I know it was 2007. It was the year it collapsed. And it was icy on that thing, you know, it was maybe January, February. And all of a sudden, just like you, this guy in front of me, I mean, out of nowhere, start spinning around. And we were almost like synchronized swimmers. It was beautiful. It seemed like it was in slow motion. And as he passed by, we locked eyes.

His were about the size of dinner plates. And he's looking at me like, what the hell do I do? And I'm looking at him like, you're effed, buddy. And I thought for sure he was going to hit the side of the, you know, hit the median or something like that. but he didn't. It was perfect. It was like almost like he did it on purpose. Like an action movie? Yeah. He spun around, he caught himself, and he was good to go. Oh, he

continued on. Yeah, he continued on. I mean, we missed each other by, I'm going to say, five feet. It was so close. My guy ended up, I think, flipped over in the ditch. Oh, no. Your guy continued on. It was perfect. Impressive. Yeah, and just like you

said, the look on his face, I wish we could connect, like we could get together every year on the anniversary and just catch up. I'll never forget, just a pure fear and confusion. I couldn't help but laugh. I wonder if he saw me laughing. He probably did. Maybe that helped him. I was one of the people that was spinning out once, and the person that I ended up locking eyes with while I was spinning out was a state trooper. And I luckily, I just, there was nobody else on the road. So, and there's plenty of room for me to spin around and I ended up just like landing perfectly straight where I needed to keep going and

the trooper just looked at me and he was next to me and I just went on my way like he was like are you good okay so you were able to keep her going yeah now this is impressive from one good eye jesus so keep in mind he's only got one good eye and he drives a Mazda miata and he said it did pretty good in the snow this morning about 3 a.m. stopping for lights it was tough getting going again that's not a winter car right there. That's impressive. No. No, you don't see a lot of dramatic television commercials splashing through ponds and bombing over the top of snow banks.

You don't see a lot of Mazda Miata commercials like that. That's a fun vehicle, though, by the way. I'm not familiar with the Miata. A little convertible, tiny little car. You're like a little convertible. Oh, stop. Yeah, with the lid. Oh, that's wonderful. What a nice way to start my day.

The lid is down and you're cruising along the beach. So suck it up, folks. And you'll be careful out there driving if you know what's good for you. Yeah, I'd imagine once more folks get out there, it's going to be difficult. It'll be a bitch. It's always worse. It'll be a bitch for about the next, oh, 12, 15 hours. And then we'll get her all straightened out.

If you get scared, just do what I do. I find the slowest person on the road and then I get behind them because then if somebody's like, oh, why is this girl going so slow? I'm like, oh, no, it's the person in front of me. Look it. I can't go anywhere. Where am I supposed to go? There's a car directly.

I hate to disagree with you, but I think you just go faster so you get to your destination quicker and there's less time to be scared. Get it over with. Yeah, just get it done. Good advice either way. No question from the both of you. Earlier today, I spilled about half a water bottle on my crotch. and I thought for sure I was going to get made fun of all day.

Luckily, it dried, but it did look like I peed my pants. That's the worst. Well, no one can see you when you're setting down. Go ahead, stand up for you. Oh, you can't tell anymore. Oh. There's a little spot here. No, you can't see a damn thing.

But we're never going to turn down the opportunity to look at your crotch, Josh. I'll tell you what, I didn't spill a thing. I wanted you to take a look at my weenie. You spilled some water on your gear. Yeah, I mean, like a lot. I'm sorry to hear that. That was stupid. It was very stupid.

of me. All right. I think we mentioned a few days ago that as we get closer and closer to scissoring in a new year, we're going to see year-end lists, one or two year-end lists come our way, where websites and other folks count down the most popular this and that for the year of 20 and 25. I like this kind of stuff. Sometimes it's the best and the worst things from a particular year. You enjoy this kind of thing? Yeah, you know, some of them are pretty fascinating,

especially, you know, when you have an app or something that tells you, hey, this is what you were doing this year. Oh, you were explaining that to me a few days ago, some kind of a YouTube summary that shows you all the videos that you like. Yeah, kind of, some of it's concerning almost. Like, wow, I spend that much time typing or, you know, or whatever. some of those kind of more odd ones, but it's kind of fun to figure out. All right, you use the word fascinating.

Here's what I have for you. Tell me if the word fascinating comes to mind, Josh. Armpit play is going to wrap up the year of 20 and 25 as the most popular new kink that folks are trying on each other in the sack. This one. Does the word fascinating enter your mind? You know, maybe fake. Fake.

Do you think this is really a trend? Oh, I have no idea what people are doing to each other anymore. Yeah, I don't know either, but if people are doing it, they're, they've run out of ideas, I think. This is the new thing. I've never been involved. That infuriates me during, like, sexual situations where somebody gets too close to my armpit. Like, whether they're, like, you know, touching my back and, like, it gets a little too close. I'm like, I don't like my armpit.

Actually. You mean with their hand? Yeah, yes, yes. I was picturing something different. I don't care. Why are you up there? I don't care what the situation is, sexual or otherwise. You come near my armpits, be ready for a fight.

Yeah, you're right. We would mess with our siblings. I mean, tickling in the armpit would really get somebody. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I don't like that. It puts me into an instant rage. Yeah, that's so true. The word is rage.

If you come near my armpits, be ready for a friggin' fight to the death. So, Josh, here's the thing. Here's the thing. You think maybe this is nonsense? A little bit. You said, do you really think? I don't know.

I don't know what people are doing to each other anymore. But this is what comes to mind for me. A number of years ago, anal went mainstream. Okay? Boy, you're not kidding. A couple of years ago, salad tossing went mainstream. I just had a buddy yesterday talk about his salad tossing experience. It's the same, but does this buddy of yours ever talk to you about anything other than sex?

Every once in a while. I know the guy you're talking about. Does he ever just stop talking about sex? Yeah, we talk about other things. That's good. But it's all sex-related. Oh. Sex-adjacent.

Anal went mainstream. eating went mainstream. With that in mind, it doesn't surprise me that now we're turning to licking each other's disgusting armpits. I guess that's all I can say on whether or not this is true or not. That's what comes to mind for me.

Not too long ago, a couple of my buddies were like sitting there having a conversation and I was like somewhat distracted on my phone and they were just talking about how they normally just eat, eat. Right. But, and I'm like, what? I'm like, why?

I mean, I know that people do it, but it felt weird hearing them talk about it, like, so casually, like somebody would talk about a different sexual act. I'm good on that still. We've come so far, Ashley. We have. I mean, we've mentioned it before when Nick and I were growing up. You didn't talk about masturbation or anything like that. Now it's wide open.

And then, yeah, the anal stuff, that way, I mean, you might as well just say, I'm about to go to prison back in the day talking about something like that but now it is so everybody talks about it arm pit play is going to end the calendar year of 20 and 25 as the most popular popular as how you say it new kink that we're doing to each other i'm going to go ahead and say no effing thanks which way do you go on armpit play uh what's the grooming situation i'd want to completely bear well no maybe a landing strip i don't know i can't decide i'll pass i'll pass on it all altogether. Yeah, me too.

Well, here it is. Here's what I have. It's got a, it's got a technical term. Mascalagnia. Mascalagnia. Yeah, that's even an ugly word.

Yeah, armpit effing is better. A.k.a. Armpit licking, sweaty armpit play. Oh, sweaty too. Gross. And it talks only about licking. Well, yeah. And if you're doing anything to my armpit, it involves sweat.

Every time. That's a good point. It's never dry. You say you're a sweaty person. Yep. I just put on deodorant, actually, like three seconds ago. It talks only about licking. It doesn't mention what I think you were picturing a few minutes ago, Josh, a guy, you know, thrusting back and forth upon someone's armpit.

I see nothing on that specific action. It's right up. there with the other popular kinks as we wrap up the year it's right up there with peeing back and forth water sports right i'll leave that to you next yeah not for me either leave it to the professionals ashley yeah feet so armpit licking is right in there with potty games feet and pegging as the most popular the most popular kinks as we close out the year. I'd only heard of one person personally who was into pegging. And shoot, this is 20-some years ago. And it wasn't groundbreaking. Yeah, talk about a pioneer. Yeah, and it wasn't called pegging,

because I just learned that term a few years ago. I thought it was totally different where somebody asked me if I'd ever consider it. And I say, oh, yeah, I've done that before. I was picturing like the pile driver, not knowing that that wasn't what pegging was. But yeah, this former coworker of ours, she said her husband loves it. but she didn't call it pegging. Groundbreaking. Other things break, too, I would imagine. Oh, yeah.

You're being hymen. I'm sorry, what was the final thing you said about? You're behind. No, no, no. You said her husband loved it. Oh, but she didn't call it pegging. No, she didn't call. I mean, maybe that wasn't the term back then.

I don't think that was a term yet. Maybe somebody came up with it later. Back when our old coworker lady was hammering away on her husband, no, I don't think the word pegging had been come up with yet. Maybe you get to a certain. certain length of relationship where you've tried everything else. Well, yeah, that's why the old folks go to the Swingers Barn. That's why the old folks go to the nudist beach.

That's why the old folks go to the partner swap, furry amusement park. Have you heard of that place? That's exactly. Once enough time goes by, you say, look, I'm going to die here in a few years. I want to try everything. I'd probably give that a try. What's that? Pagan?

Oh, pegging. Oh, God. Somebody like asked. Somebody asked. Oh, you're going to get a lot of volunteers via the text line at that. Ashley. Maybe he'll give it a try. I really appreciate that you're saying you would need consent before doing that to somebody else.

Thank you. I'd argue for anything you do, you should get that, but that's hilarious that you phrased it that way. I imagine you'd feel pretty powerful. Oh, it's funny. You mentioned the. Power! Because in this article on armpit licking, it says here for some people, it's about power. Arm pits tie into humiliation.

Being forced to lick an armpit can feel degrading. And some people are being tickled on your armpits makes you feel vulnerable. Like it. Armpits are super sensitive, sure. So even a light touch. or a soft tickle feels intense and erotic. Some people claim they've orgasmed from armpit stimulation. Oh, come on.

No, they haven't. Come on. I mean, you must have been backed up for a long time. I hadn't had human contact in a decade. If I ever busted one over armpit play, oh, would I be embarrassed? So would I. Well, I mean. Because now everybody else on the bus.

is watching this now, right? Everyone, I'm not to explain this to everyone else on the city bus. I swear this never happens. Anticipation is part of it, Josh. Oh, the anticipation. Knowing someone is about to touch or lick your armpit

can be a turn-on. Yeah, I wouldn't want somebody to do that. Not at all. Don't tickle me at all. No, I mean, like, don't tickle you, what? Don't tickle me at all in any Any scenario. No, no, no.

Tickling is not allowed. Josh was saying something about the hair. Says here a lot of guys love a hairy, sweaty female armpit. No. That's what it says here, Ashley. I wouldn't lie to you. They smashed their face into it. A sweaty, hairy female armpit ski.

And they just go. They lick it up and down. Let's see. What's this? You mentioned if somebody requested pegging, Ashley, you'd go through with it. What about this, the armpit play? If they requested it, it said, I just need your armpit in my mouth. No, no, no, no, no. You'd say no to that.

No, because I'm, like, Nick in that boat. Like, it would just make me angry. It's ill. It makes me ill the thought of it. What about the other way if they said, please lick my armpit? No, gross. You're not going to do it either way. No, no, no, no, no. No, I'm not going in that direction either, smash.

I bet that just that that cannot taste good. Oh, yeah, imagine. Especially if they just put on some kind of deodorant. What, I've got some old spice in your mouth? A hair in your mouth. I mean, all of it is terrible. It's just terrible. You go ahead, the rest of you, lick every armpit in town.

I'm just telling you I'm not going near anybody's and no one's coming near mine. What does this say now? Some women like to bury their pretty face in their man's. armpit because it feels primal. I can't. I just think people are running out of things to do. Yeah, definitely. And how ridiculous does the person whose armpit getting eaten out must look? Yeah.

Like how silly. I mean, not that the other person doesn't look ridiculous as well. Check the both of these out in the mirror when that's happening. That might change some things. If I walked in on like some friends just having regular sex, I just kind of maybe forget about it and put it out of mind. But if I walk in on my friends eating each other's armpits, That's going to stay with you.

Can I tell you something? I would never put that out of my mind. You wouldn't? Ever seeing, yeah, walking in on something like that. I suppose a couple listeners are texting in saying, okay, you want to go down on your wife's armpit or vice versa. Maybe you'd smear a little bit of that flavored lube under your arm like some folks do with the BJs. I guess that would help. This person has a new business idea, flavored deodorant.

Sure. Just make the deodorant, not the lube. Then it can have a double, double duty. All right. Weed smoke and union worker Jesus. Love smelling his wife's armpits, L.O.L. is what he says. He loves what?

Smelling his wife's armpits. Why? Yeah. Farron. Tell us why, please. Here's a cheesehead for life Jesus on. Well, no, I won't read that text. I thought I was going to go there, but I decided not.

Josh, no, you're not accustomed to this. Josh is never afraid to. You say it. Oh, I'm not afraid to go there. I am, in this case, I'm not going to read that text. As someone who goes nowhere, I'm not afraid to go there. Fascinating, huh? Congratulations.

Pitt players, you are the hot new thing for 20 and 25. I hope you have as successful a tournament. 2026. I really do. Yeah, let us know what you're into. Just don't trend setter. Don't start on me. Don't try to get me involved.

You want to know what now? Just let us know what you're into coming up next because you're a trend setter. You know, things change. Sure. But you didn't mean not to, Jesus. He said, you just wait. Eventually missionary will be the kink of the year because we'll go full circle. That's how it goes, right?

The trends come back. Yeah. Like folks raw-dong at it now instead of being buried in. your phone going on an airplane ride or something and just sitting there with your thoughts and nothing else. This is always interesting to me. Whenever I bring up some kind of sexual thing that I personally plan on steering clear of until the day that I die, I always get the same text message.

What if Brittany Spears or Lindsay Lohan asked you to do that? What if Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan wanted to do that to you? This one in particular, Beef Cannon Jesus wants to know because I mentioned earlier and Ashley and I are on the same page. Anyone who comes near my armpits should be prepared for a violent fist fight. I go into a rage. So the question is what if Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan wanted to go after my armpits? Nothing would change.

As much as I love the both of them, they should be prepared for a fight. Mohawk mechanic Jesus brings up the loomy lady. I mean, she'd be perfect, the loomy deodorant lady. And he wants to know if she asked to lick your armpit. She's an armpit professional. Nobody. There's no one on planet Earth who is coming anywhere near my armpits for any reason, for any reason. Would I lick Brittany or Lindsay Lowhan's armpit if they ask me?

Probably. Oh, so you'd do that side of it. Probably. Yeah. but no one's doing me. What if it was you loved Anna Nicole Smith? I sure did. God rest her gorgeous soul.

What if it was her dying wish to lick your armpit? Nope. Not even going to do it then. So long. Die unhappy. Check in on me from time to time, Anna Nicole, from the Great Beyond.

Nobody, Josh. Not one person. Not one person. So there you go. Oh, God. What else is going? going on around here. Please, someone

to come up with something. I have to take a drink of Gatorade. It sounded rhetorical. Well, you know, we're getting closer and closer to Rick's Cabaret on Friday. We should remind people our annual Toys for Tata's toy drive.

Yeah, I see we have some toys in here already. Oh. Yeah. It can explain that. A friend of mine, Lanay, stopped by yesterday after the program was over to drop off her donation

to Toys for Tattas. Oh, she always does that, doesn't she? She goes all out. I haven't even looked in the bags that she brought yet. I'm sure there's some great stuff in there. Grab something out of there, Ashley. Let's just check one item. What do you got?

What's that? Yeah, Nick mentioned that she brought so much stuff we were welcome to take whatever we wanted home. It's almost too much. One for the kids, one for me. She's not going to know any better. What is that that you grab? It's an Optimus Prime from the Transformers.

This is sweet. It can transform into three different things. Stay away from it, data. What, three things? Yeah. It's a what? Optimus Prime, and it does what separate three things? It can transform into three different things. So, like, you know, the fighting robot. Ah. And then it turns into the semi, of course. And then it looks like it turns into this cool little vehicle that has a gun in the front of it, a little turret. He's a very popular character. He calls himself Optimus Prime.

Oh, and it makes noise. That's cool. Kids love toys that make noise. Some of the parents, I heard. Yeah. That's just one of the items that my friend Lennie has donated. And we know that all these are going to be donating up and down come Friday. Speaking about toys that make noise, there's a competition right now amongst my husband's family on who can get my son the most annoying toy for Christmas. That's a fun game. Yeah, I'm excited.

I was just going to mention we did that one year to a buddy and it was his fault because he said don't get any toys that make noise. don't do it and so of course that was a challenge and everybody did the best one was a little drum set oh that was perfect oh gosh see but I've got it come in because I buy all the kids in my life toys that would annoy the heck out of their parents on purpose yeah and like like the toys I brought my mom my nieces and nephews my brother's like you just wait until you have a kid of your own and now I'm like oh no oh no I signed your kid up for a all clown babysitting service.

It's a clown daycare. He grows up just loving clowns. That would be a nightmare. I'm going to teach him to fear them. As we roll you hire an evil clown to scare your kid. That's why it traumatize them. This is why we don't trust them, son. As we roll

towards our very first commercial break or whatever the hell we do here in a couple minutes, there's one thing we didn't consider when talking about armpit play, which is the hot new kink for the year 20 and 25. It's closing out the year with a lot of momentum, armpit play. Here's what we didn't consider, Josh, auto-filatio armpit play. I was wondering if I could do something like that.

I bet I could get close. You were wondering that. Yeah, I really was. I was trying to think if I could try it out because maybe I'd be into it. Just give it a trial run on yourself. I totally could. Yeah, we all can. I could orally please my armpit for sure.

All right, shirts off, everybody. Let's give it a go. It's just a terrible thing. We have to take a break. When we come back, we'll go ahead with this stupid news. I'm looking forward to this one. Actually, there's actually some sex-related material in our stupid news. We'll get to that when we come back here real quick on the Half-Ass Morning Show.

The 93-X Half-Azed Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-. And it spells relief for you. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. I think every week would be dope to post on the golf channel. I want to get a lot of guests on here. Salim's going to take a leap.

I'm down to be in it. It's not really work to play golf. Join the party on the golf course. I was like, let's go to the range. So what are we putting on it? We said 10K, right? 10K? All right?

We probably bet more than all the other golf channels, right? 10K, nine holes. Those guys bet for, like, cookies. I feel like I'm a shank. This guy's been trading like a Navy seal when it comes to golf. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah.

Full Send Golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid News on the half-assed morning show. God dang. That's a hell of a morning, isn't it? Snow, ice everywhere. We wish you the best. We do.

We're going to start today's stupid news report. What are we going to begin with here? Oh, a warning. To all bros, the doads. Be aware. Some poor bastard. out there in Turkey, his wife

upped and divorced his ass because he liked a hot chick on the internet. He clicked to the like button, wife gone. Ashley, didn't you get mad at somebody about that? Maybe I'm thinking of somebody else. Oh, probably.

Yeah, there's probably plenty of times. Yeah, I thought you'd mention you had a boyfriend who did that and you weren't cool with it. Yeah, but... Like it was one particular person that they were liking everything they posted. Oh, yeah. My high school boyfriend was notorious for doing that kind of stuff.

There was like this girl that I actually even remember her name because it was so like I had no idea who she was. Neither did he, which is even funnier to me. It was just like some hot girl on the internet and he was like borderline obsessed with her. I was like, dude, can you chill out with that? You're being weird. She must have been one spicy pickle. Yeah, do you know her name or Instagram handle just for research and possibilities? She's not, it's funny because at the time I was like, gosh, she's just like the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

And like, it made me super insecure. And like, the last time I checked her Instagram out, I was like, why was I so worried? How many times do we have to ask you for her name? She's local? I don't think so. I mean, just write it down, write it down. Okay. Don't say it out loud.

Just to be sure. It's kind of a hot name. I bet you'll like the name. It's a hot name. Yeah. Is she like an Instagram model or is she just a random chick? She, back in the day when it happened, I'd consider her more popular, but she's not by any means, like, somebody that has like a million followers. Let me see if I know her.

Would you get in trouble, Dana? I mean, you're very prolific on social media. Would your wife care? I don't think she would care. You don't think so? No. Ashley wrote down this gal's name. it's not familiar.

This name is stupid. Oh, I thought it was sexy. Oh, it's not a sexy. It's just so fake. It's just so fake. I'm so tired of the faky, fake, intentionally sexy. Oh, yeah, I dated her. Ashley taught me, oh, I thought there was a term.

I was on social media for a very short amount of time, and I was catching up, right? So I was looking through friends posts, and I was going, scrolling far back. And then Ashley told me that's creepy. that I was liking things that they posted a couple years ago. Yeah, you can't do that. I didn't know. I didn't know decorum on, so. I thought you had a term for it or something,

but you mentioned that that seems like you're a psychopath. Yeah, I've accidentally done that before. Oh, that's terrifying. Yeah, and then I'm like four years deep into their Instagram, and I've actually accidentally liked a photo. Like, oh, there you go. Now they know I'm being a creeper. Right.

Yeah, you taught me. Now I know. Yeah. Stay safe. A gal has divorced her husband because he liked a hot mama on the internet. Hilarious. In what they call here a landmark ruling, a Turkish court determined that liking other women's social media posts can be used as evidence in divorce proceedings. It's a tad extreme, does it not?

Some of you bros are out there. I'm sure some of you guys are thinking, here's my way out of my living hell, right? I mean, imagine, like, just watching porn in general, I would think that could get you in some trouble, too, right? I mean, or maybe because it's a reperson, Josh, in some couples, when it, some couples, some people are so jealous.

I mean, you know, it's a little bit of everything. Again, do we need to tell the story? again about our former promotions staff member. Yes, we do need to tell this story. It's so good. Whose girlfriend went into a rage crying, screaming at him because he was looking at a set of boobs made out of ice. That's crazy to me because, I mean, you guys know,

I'm a more jealous person. I definitely have a streak of jealousy. I wasn't aware of that. But me and my husband would like tandem that set of breasts there. Yeah, you'd get one and he'd get one. Let's go. Team motorboat. You never know what you're going to get, Josh.

Some people are even jealous of their partner looking at a picture. Yeah, I dated a girl like, you know where she had a very stereotypical religious name, and she was like that. I bet if I looked at ice boobs, she'd have a problem with it. It's ridiculous, but there are other couples who, hell, swings, so you never know what you're going to get. This is one of those phrases I remember where I was when I heard it. Better than Dana at Mario Kart Jesus said, his wife says he doesn't care where he, she doesn't care where he gets his appetite as long as he is eating at home. Right. It was a girl that told me that, too, talking about her boyfriend.

One click on the internet is how you say it. One click in this poor sucker in Turkey, his wife took a while. The courthouse that handled this couple's divorce said that our guy, the husband. They say that he, quote, undermined marital trust by liking other hot lady pictures online. His wife accused him of belittling her and breaching his duty of loyalty by clicking on hot mamas online. the husband kind of made an ass out of himself during the court hearing from what I understand when she accused him of belittling her

and breaching his duty of loyalty by looking at hot ladies on the internet I guess he shot out of his seat and said oh yeah well you insulted my dad he's struggling he needs something yeah poor guy he's trying the courthouse is like wait a minute what what did she say about your dad

what she say to your daddy He also said something that's obvious. He said that his wife was excessively jealous. Yeah, obviously. After the dust had settled, the court ruled that the husband was more at fault for this divorce, and he was ordered to pay damages and spousal support, whatever all that means. Some folks call this kind of thing micro-cheating. Yeah, clicking and liking hot online college girls would be considered micro cheating.

If that's all you're doing, like that's all you're doing on social media. Right. I probably wouldn't enjoy that very much. I'm sorry? If that's all you're doing, that's the only, that's what you do with your free time is just look at hot girls and like their pictures all day. I probably wouldn't be very happy with that. You wouldn't be very happy with that? No, I didn't.

What are you doing? All the things that someone could be doing on social media, all they're doing is liking hot ladies? I'd be like, do you have any other interests? Like, you just, it's, that's why you go on social media is only to look at hot ladies. I'd be like, dude. Well, that's the only reason why I ever went on social media.

I mean, Ashley, I understand where you're coming from, but at the same time I'm picturing all of the horrible things that someone could be doing on social media, threatening people, getting in ridiculous political arguments, you know, posting naked pictures of their ex-girlfriend without permission. The fact that someone's just sitting there going, click, she's hot, click, uh-huh, she's hot, that seems pretty harmless to me. It definitely isn't the worst thing you can do on social media,

but the thought of like, once again, like my husband just sitting there, like when I'm, especially like if I'm in the room and he's just scrolling on Facebook, just like, like, like, like, like. Are you saying to ask you if that's like your sole purpose of being on social media is to look at babes, like not to get sports scores or news or anything, you strictly are there for the chicks? Absolutely. If you're in a committed relationship, that is. If you're single, do whatever the heck you want.

All right. Well, my goal is to become a honey trap and I'm going to catfish your husband and get him in some trouble. I'm on it like every AI generated picture I put up there. Have you ever heard this term or this phrase from Steel Monkey Jesus? I haven't heard this. he always says just because he's on a diet doesn't mean he can't look at the menu. Curtis, one of my greatest friends. Curtis always says he's married, not buried.

That's a good one. Here's another one. I haven't heard this. Hey, just because I'm chained to the porch doesn't mean I can't bark at cars driving by. That's brilliant. I know what you mean at. Yeah. But, you know, I'm not a jealous person.

Micro-cheating. You hear that term more and more. Like people who have, quote-unquote, work spouses. Some of that stuff is just so aggravating to me. But that's how I'm wired. Everybody's wired, different. We had a, I'm not going to call them a couple, but two people here that were basically work spouses.

They kind of joked about it. They worked together on everything, very, very good friends. I mean, I never thought they were having any intimate relationship. I'd kill a bitch. Oh, she was very intimidating. She'd give you a run for your money. I did the Airbnb gimmick once or twice, where you go out of town and rent somebody's house for a few days.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I assumed the entire time that we were being watched by hidden cameras or the homeowner was just there in the house with us, watching us through a hole in the wall, while masturbating the entire time. Yeah, I would picture or I would just assume that's part of the deal, yeah. I think you have to. The homeowner must have been within the walls somewhere touching themselves.

I find the whole routine kind of creepy, the Airbnb thing. It's also very unsettling knowing that they obviously have an extra set of keys and they could come in at any time and murder you dead. Yeah, I don't know. Like at a hotel, I always assume I'm also being watched. Again with the turkey, you might say, but a married couple staying in an Airbnb in Turkey, they went on over to social media to show everyone an odd note they found taped to the bed at the Airbnb house they were a stay-in-at. It was a white piece of paper that said use only for sleep, no other activities of all.

That's not evolved, isn't the word. use only for sleep no other activities allowed so like not even some hand action yeah that's somebody that's not getting any right if I'm not getting any of my house neither are you no hand stuff nothing so that's the note they found taped to the bed

staying at this air and by God B&B the couple said they were surprised to see the note the dude pardon me it is kind of funny yeah the husband said he just pushed his wife down on the couch Yeah. I'm kidding.

Apparently, the no banging sign wasn't the only one they found in their Airbnb rental house. The TV remote had a sticker on it that said use only to turn the television on or off. Okay. Another note said to keep the noise down because the neighbors are dicks. This Airbnb sucks. Have you seen like those Nick Sabin? Is it Airbnb, or maybe it's the VRBO commercials?

I've seen the commercial where he talks to a couple about how long they can shower. Yeah, yeah. So it's kind of like this type of thing where he's run. I think it's a VRBO commercial kind of making fun of Airbnb, right? Because they're different Airbnb, somebody can be staying at the home. I think I have that right. And so he's laying out all these rules and the idea is to say, hey, you don't want to go here.

You want to go see where we're at. You can just do whatever you want. Those are pretty funny. Don't shower for longer than. five minutes. This isn't a sauna or what does he say? That's not the word sauna. This isn't a spa, he says. This isn't a spa. No showering for longer

than five minutes. Word is this married couple staying at the Airbnb followed all the rules and they had a good time. Folks who read this story online had cute comments. One feller said about the no banging on the bed rule, he said, either the bed

is not that sturdy or the owners were traumatized by a past couple. leaving a world-class wet spot. And yeah, I get that. Have you guys shopped for a bed or a mattress? Yeah. Yeah, a bed frame or mattress.

Recently? A couple years ago, yeah. Because my wife and I have had ours our entire marriage, so we're coming up on 18 years here. And it's bad. I mean, like the mattress, it was like a $300 mattress. It's awful. Yeah, you're due.

And so we've been looking, and I've noticed a lot of, like, the bed frames and mattresses when they promote them, Now they're kind of saying things like, hey, these are quiet, and they can handle a lot of activity, that kind of stuff. So they're getting kind of sexy if you read between the lines in some of this. Yep. You've noticed that as well? Yeah, we just got a new bed frame not too long ago, and that was, they made that detail very prominent. Like, it's quiet.

It's quiet. It's quiet bedfront. And it is. It's very quiet. It doesn't make a single sound. It can take a beating. Kind of a buzzkill, though. Well, you like that right? No noise.

Squeaking? all. You like that racket? A little bit. Yeah, I never been mad at the racket. Let everyone in the neighborhood know that you can bring it. Shows you're putting in some effort. All right, I got to tell you, I'm looking forward to this one. I got to say, and I'm not trying to start trouble. But I don't see what the hubbub is about this Bonnie Blue gal, the porn star, Bonnie Blue.

Oh, this is still happening? I know that social media has turned her into a huge star. I truly believe if she would have come along, no pun intended, 30 years ago, she'd be just another porn star. You know what I mean? She'd just be another, you know. Did they have? Not a mainstream headliner. Are there any more?

If she would have come along 30 years ago. Are there mainstream headliners anymore? Or just there's so many of them, it's possible. I don't know. All I'm saying is, Josh, I got to make it clear. clear. I just got to make this clear because this is something I'm passionate about. One of my favorite

adult actresses ever. Bella Donna would wipe the floor with Bonnie Blue any day and don't even ask what it is that's on the floor. Dude, that is so true. My favorite porn stars who ever exist would make her look like

a joke. Yeah. Just because she will have sex with a lot of guys in one day. I mean, that's pretty much what she's known for, that guy gang gang. Yeah, and social media has just made her the poster lady for porn. It's just social media. Gianna Michaels, come on.

Biana Blue, what's their name again? Bonnie Blue couldn't carry Gianna Michael's strap on, not even on her best day. Sorry I blew up. I just got to stand up for the gals that paved the way. I love the passion. I really do. Here's the deal with this Bonnie Blue character. And I don't know if I'm buying any of this.

What happened, Josh? I think I read the same text you read. I don't even know. I don't think so. Okay. That's a funny text, but I don't think. I was not ready for this. Sorry.

Sorry. That was so funny. Is it the text that you're looking at and laughing about? Does it make some kind of comment about beef? Yes. That's the one. Does it make a comment about meat? Yes.

It does. Here's the deal with Bonnie Blue. And I don't know if I'm buying any of this. My guess is this could be all nonsense, and Bonnie could simply use some publicity to make her some more holiday money. But it says here, Bonnie Blue is up against 15 years in jail for filming a bang bus movie in a place called Bali, Indonesia. says here Bonnie Blue and 17 or 18 dudes who were just crushing her sensitive parts into dust in that bang bus have all gone to jail. That's insane. If you didn't know, Indonesia has some strict anti-pornography laws in place.

They say don't even gas up the bang bus in Indonesia. They want no part of that scene. So she was arrested and so were 17 or 18 dudes who piled out of that bang van on the side of the road in Indonesia. They were filming a porno in there and they don't play that game in that part of the world. Bonnie Blue, whose real name is something, it doesn't matter. She's looking at the possibility of 15 years in the cooler. She would not do well in jail. Oh, I think if I'll bring that up in a minute.

If you're new to Bonnie's gimmick, she got famous a few years ago by taking 1,057 rods in 12 hours. Breaking the record of a local lady here in town. Can anyone guess who that local lady is? 651-989-93, if you have a guess. Or maybe you're sure who it was. Text us. Who was the local lady who used to hold that record for most rods taken in 12 hours? I wonder if our listeners could come up with any random local lady.

I'll tell you what, since the topic of porn has come up, there's a lot of folks texting in their thoughts on some of the best porn stars. Oh, great. The story says when the cops in Indonesia pulled over the bang bus, Bonnie Blue was inside, along with 18 naked, hairless men with enormous erections. The local police confiscated the following. out of the bang bus. Video cameras, a pile of boner pills,

lube, rags that stood up on their own, wet wipes, new guy in the police force cubby was in the corner puking his guts out. Yeah, I think I would. I think our tax machine is going to explode. Yeah, and it's all the same answer. You know what? I trusted each and every one of you. I thought we had a bond.

Are our listeners guessing what local lady used to hold the record for most rods taken in 12 hours? That's right. What are they saying? Josh's mom is not the number one answer. Oh, my God. I didn't see that approaching at all. It's crazy how many people texted. There's one that just says Josh's wife.

Oh, mixing it up. I'm not sure how the cops knew that some illegal porn was going on in that bus as it traveled down the roads of Indian. Indonesia. Josh, maybe it was the words Bonnie Blue's bang bus that was painted across the front and side of the vehicle. That very well may have tipped them off. I'm surprised. It's kind of weird she didn't know the rules. Oh, no, she knew the rules. But I mean, like, she didn't take it seriously. No, she's Bonnie Blue. She's got all the money. Yeah, she doesn't care. I think she just didn't really assume that was ever going to happen. Oh, I think she knew exactly what was going to happen. I think She was looking at 15 years in prison?

Oh, that's never... That's never going to happen. Probably not. No. I risk it, though, other than the social media attention she's getting. Right. Yeah, it says here, very likely, if found guilty, Bonnie Blue will probably just be told to never come back again,

rather than being tossed into prison with nothing but other women, where they would almost certainly have sex with each other. Hell, I doubt she'd get through day one. without at least doming out the warden. An Indonesian prison. I don't imagine that it'd be very ideal. If you've ever seen those locked up or broad shows, they were pretty terrified.

Oh, I didn't know that was a thing. I've only watched one of those episodes. You're right. It's scary, man. Dude, how do you check that out? That sounds awesome. Wouldn't it be something, though, if Bonnie Blue went to prison if life imitated art.

And it just became a hot, caged heat, porno movie instantly. You know what I mean? Like I was saying. Before she even gets out of the warden's office, you know, she's pegging the guy. She seems open to suggestion, so I'd imagine if the opportunity's there, she'll take it.

We'll try and keep you posted on this one, whether or not Bonnie Blue ever makes it home from Indonesia. Again, I just don't see the big deal about her. I'm kind of mad at social media for a lot of reasons, but one of them is for making this Bonnie Blue out to be something that she's not. Yeah. Two words, three words.

Again, Bella Donna, that's one word. The other two words, Gianna Michaels. I wonder if, like, real-deal porn stars, like, Angela White, Riley, Riley Reed, if they look at her as, like, such a joke. I bet they do. I bet they just hate her. I bet they do. Yeah. Probably.

I got to look up. Who'd you say these people were? Angela White, Riley Reed. Bella Donna, Gianna Michaels. Sheana Mike that's the do you believe in miracles gal? Yes. She sat there with Ken Dryden in February of 1980. She looks great for her age.

And called the United States hockey teams victory over the Soviet Union. It was Gianna Michaels and Ken Dryden. It's something. She doesn't look like what I thought she'd look like. No, no, she does not. And the other porn star was Ken Dryden. Type in Ken Dryden porn and see what happens. Oh, he just died.

Yeah, Ken Dryden just checked out a month ago or so. September. Wait, this Gianna Michael's girl was in Piranha? Yeah, she got eaten by piranhas while she was topless. Good for her. Yeah, yeah. It's funny how those tops always seem to come off right before they get murdered in those movies. Yeah, it is kind of funny how that works out.

Well, she was paragliding topless. And then she would dip into the ocean once in a while. Yay, they're having fun. You know, on a summer day, Gianna Michaels is topless, and she's paragliding. Is that what you call it when you're towed behind a boat? And she dips into the water, and then she dips into the water again. We! And then she dips into the water a third time when she comes out.

Her legs are gone. Because the piranhas have eaten off her legs. Who was the actor who had his penis bitten off in one of those movies? Oh, Jerry O'Connell. Ah, yes. Yeah. No, that happened in real life. Oh, no.

Yeah. I thought it was in a movie. No, that was... Oh, that poor guy. In the movie, he dies from a chainsaw attack. The piranhas grab a chainsaw. They prime it, they choke it, they start the chainsaw. Yeah.

And they kill Jerry O'Connell. Okay. In real life, he had his penis. Now that you say it, I remember that. Yeah. Danel. Yes. Before we go.

Did you get that snowblower cooking yesterday? Yesterday you were talking about this snowblower you were going to try to pilot for the very first time. No, I didn't get it going, just got the shovel gone. What happened? That sucks. Why did you not get the... Oh, I mean, the majority of the snow didn't come until the nighttime, so my wife just plowed it earlier this morning. We're going to hang on to that.

Yeah, you are. Your wife ran the snowblower this morning. Yeah. I didn't feel like cranking her up at 3.30 or 4 or whatever. Your neighbors appreciated it. Yeah, exactly. What a bad bitch. I would have made my husband snowplow.

Snowblow, you mean? Snowblow, yeah. Sure. In Sioux-St. Marie Ontario. Home of what local hockey legend? Go! State of hockey, my ass. Lou Nanny.

Anyway, in Sue St. Marie, Ontario, by God, Canada. One dude tried to kill another dude with a snowblower. All right, it's not that dramatic, but I'll tell you this story. A 57-year-old feller, he's been charged with assault. Let's call him Lou, since we were talking about Lou Nanny. Lou was running his son. snowblower a day or two ago. Next thing he knows, Lou gets into a

hellacious argument with his dickhead neighbor. And Lou was tired of hearing his neighbor chirp, so Lou turned the snowblower in his neighbor's direction, spraying the snow right into his neighbor's stupid face, and Lou

ended up charged with assault. Oh, really? That's awesome, though. I accidentally snow cockied a neighbor's car once, and I felt awful about it. I was you know, using a snowblower in the driveway, and I didn't, for whatever reason, I got to the bottom and didn't turn the shoot.

So I go sideways, and the car's driving by at the wrong time, and I covered his car in snow. As he's driving, I pictured him parked in his driveway. No, he was driving, and it looked like it was on purpose. Well, maybe he had fun with it. Maybe while all that snow was being poured upon his vehicle, he was singing to himself, like a rock.

He did laugh about it, thankfully. Stand in Arrow. straight like a rock does anyone get the reference one of those pickup truck commercials yeah with the pickups going through the snow Bob Seeger like a rock unbelievable song makes me cry

every time anyway Lou's neighbor was fine despite receiving the snow facial the 45 mile per hour snow facial there were no injuries but Lou's got to check into Canadian court

come February. He's a freaking funny guy that, Lou. I like how he pulled that off. As frustrating as that would be and humiliating to be on the other end of that, I would appreciate the humor. That is pretty funny. Absolutely, yeah. Like, I'm really mad at the guy, but gosh darn it, that was good. He got me on that one. His neighbor's going to be sneezing icicles until spring, but that's a funny deal. We've got to take a break. We'll check in with local and professional athletics when we return. on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. I get back from Dubai, and I see all of a sudden I'm suing an AI model

where I got played by AI model. And all these little bottom feeding blogs pick it up, you guys believe that I got played by AI model, and I'm suing them? Where the fuck did you guys get this from? For real. For real, though. For real?

That's former NBA star Matt Barnes. Sorry, Matt Barnes. I'm sorry, I wasn't able to come around to this yet. What's going on? So there was some blogs had been reporting that he was scammed by an AI model who claimed to be a real person and somehow stole $16,000, what's it, $61,000 from him. Oh, damn. And so, you know, he's pissed like, what the hell? Why would you publish this first and foremost?

And why in a million years would anybody believe this happened? Well, because it happens, or at least I read, that that kind of thing is quite common. And Mantei, I was raising his hand going, I've got a couple examples. Yeah, yeah. So he went on a podcast called 411 Uncut. What's the 411 cubby? That's what they tell you, right? Every day there's something new.

Gilbert Arenas on that one. Oh, Jesus. That was his buddy. They're talking about it. Gilbert, that guy is a moron. So Matt Barnes is saying, no, I wasn't scammed by a hot AI model. I'm smarter than that, and we should be smarter than that to believe it. Yeah.

Okay. She used a lot of cuss words in that whole interview as well. He's frustrated. He's very upset. I understand. I understand. He was one of my least favorite players when he was playing in the NBA. Because of his play or his attitude.

Well, that was the problem. Was he had this tough guy thing happening on the court. But I never believed for one minute he was a tough guy. In movies that always bothers me. Have you seen one recently where you couldn't believe that the tough guy character, you couldn't believe in him? Yeah. I'm trying to think

I've definitely seen them over. Oh, I've got one. When Woody Harrelson was supposed to be a scary killer in natural born killers. Yeah. I could not enjoy that movie. I couldn't enjoy the movie. No, there's nothing,

nothing would ever be scary about Woody Harrelson. Like Joffrey and Game of Thrones. He was just such a puke. And that bothered me big time. I always had somebody more intimidating. He just, I mean, God, I hated that. I hated that character so much that I hated the actor. And that's how you know he played that role very well.

Right. What about the first Jack Reacher movies where they had Tom Cruise play this supposedly tough, intimidating, bulky, bad boy? Never saw it. That's ridiculous. I didn't know that. I hadn't read the books yet before watching that. So I wasn't aware. And then when I read the books, it was, why would the, I know they wanted a movie star.

Right. But why in a million years would he have been cast for that? The people who were fans of the books before the movies came out were pissed. And now people are texting that in. Tom Cruise's Reacher. Yeah, so I... Especially when you see the new Reacher. Like that dude, can just bulldoze a truck.

Ashley would leave her husband for Alan Rickman. Is that his name? Yeah, my husband would leave me for him. My gosh, the man's obsessed. Do you enjoy Tom Cruise as the Mission Impossible guy kicking everyone's ass? Yeah, I do. So then what was so different about Jimmy Reaper? Well, I didn't mind him as Jack Reacher until I found out what he was supposed to.

to be. I mean, Jack Reacher's a giant. They talk about his hands as big as dinner plates. He's just a huge guy. And obviously, Tom Cruise is the opposite of that. Did they do tricks to make him appear taller in the movie? No. Okay. I think they do with the current Reacher, though.

The current Reacher, played by Andrew McCarthy. Close. From the breakfast. Now, that's a tough guy. From the brat pack. That is one tough guy. All right, so no pigs, no Timberwell last night. But we got plenty to cover here when Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder join us at 730, some basketball, baseball, hockey, football.

Real quick, before we go. Oh, Golden Gopher basketball plays tonight. Before we... Oh, God. Go over Big Ten Network. It gets me. It scares me when PJ comes in hot like that. Real quick, we were talking about jealousy earlier,

how there are some people out there when they get into a relationship. my damn. You better not look at anyone. You better not talk to anyone. They scream and cry if you click on a hot lady on the internet. Jesus, I don't know how some of you do it. Listen to this. See if you can follow this.

Speaking of jealous people, a listener texted in that said he and his roommate, two guys are hanging out. His roommate's girlfriend comes over, and they start playing video games, right? his roommate got mad at him because he jokingly looked up his girlfriend's avatar's skirt while they were playing Wii golf. Oh, come on. That violates bro code in his mind? So because his girlfriend was using a girl character in the video game and dude tried to look up the character's skirt on the television.

his roommate got mad, got jealous. That's a little extra. Dude. I hope the girl saw that as a red flag. Hopefully. You're a walking red flag. I know that. Josh said.

Sorry, Dana, I'm in a mood. Yeah, you didn't need to tell me, Josh. Like I said, I'm aware. His news is coming up next. Josh's news. Coming up right quick. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the print. of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees,

maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E.

And it spells relief for you. Action. Next roll with Vernon Davis. I'm your host, Vernon Davis. Okay, y'all, thank you. Thank you. That's my mind. Today we have Dietrich Wyes.

Through my example, on the field, off the field, during game day and practice, that was one way that I led, because then it led to success. Next role isn't about what's next. It's about why they do it. My man, Bobby Bones. Like, I've had a lot of stuff happen, bad and good. And so I don't have any fear of mixing it up. That's powerful, man. Next role with Vernon Davis.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. I have to be really careful about how I, react to it or to not show a reaction because this person might be watching me. And that really creeped me out. What is a giant pervert? A 42-year-old Jeopardy Champion from North Carolina has been arrested on two charges of felony peeping. Philip Joey DeSanna, who won twice in November 2024, took home just over $44,000. He returned in January for the championship wildcard tournament where his run ended in the semis.

Joey. Joey. But apparently that disappointment didn't stop him from chasing a far more disturbing and wildly illegal kind of victory for his little pee. Investigators said the rally development engineer allegedly planned a hidden, planted that is, a hidden camera in a bedroom and bathroom at someone's home, apparently hoping to record a non-consensual daily double. It's the delicious advertising item in use here, Joey. What is a sandwich board? It is.

The charges suggest he rerouted his engineering expertise. into an extracurricular activity which was equal parts creepy, criminal and catastrophically stupid. He's set to make his first appearance in court today. Just goes to show you. You know, even the biggest stars in the world

like Joey, the dude who won a couple times on Jeopardy, can have some shadiness to them, right, Josh? Yeah, all that money made him a pervert, I guess. Here's a couple random, less creepy bathroom-related facts. Early 20th century Germans considered it bad luck

to take a bath or change your clothes between Christmas and New Year. And if you're soaking in the tub, bubbles aren't just for covering your privates. A frothy layer is said to keep bathwater warm longer. Keeps it warm longer? I guess so. No.

I got a way to keep my bathwater warm longer. Is it the same way Eddie Murphy made bubbles in the tub back when he was a kid? No, no, no, no. Front side, cubby, front side. That'll keep your bathtub warmer longer. Oh, gotcha. Oh, gross. You just assumed that I sit there and fart in the bathtub?

I thought that was funny when Eddie Murphy said it. Police in Oklahoma clapped irons on a 24-year-old rapscallion bearing an old-timey name, using an equally old-timey weapon in a liquor store robbery, not fired since the James K. Polk administration. Dylan Redfern, who possibly discovered time travel, robbed a South Tulsa liquor store with an antique gun Friday night about 8.45 p.m. The store reported a man in a red hood. hoodie and pajama pants, walked in and tried to make a purchase, but he was denied because he didn't

have his ID. No problem for Redfern. He returned a few minutes later and pulled out what employees described as a musket, pointing the ancient gun at them, demanding cash and their IDs. Hours after relieving them of coin and paper, officers responded to a quick trip at roughly 3.25 a.m. Saturday. They were responding to reports that same suspect was wandering through a by shopping center, and that was where police caught up with him. As for the weapon, police said it's likely from the mid-1800s and is a single-shot percussion Derringer. That's hilarious.

I must get. I don't know if I'd be more excited to see it. Yeah. Terrified. What is that that you have right there? This isn't, you know, this isn't the reason for the story. What am I trying to say here? This has very little to do with what Josh just told us.

But I just get aggravated. In my opinion, a real man puts on something other than pajama pants before they leave the house. It's a young person thing. Stop with that. You look ridiculous. That's not very old time. He's new school when it comes to his wardrobe. A man was arrested after Florida deputies said he crashed a BMW he'd stole, claiming he teleported into it.

What? According to the sheriff's office, the car's owner had left his BMW unlocked in Bicentennial Park. The keys tucked inside a closed cup holder as he took his dog for a walk. In the short time he was away, the car disappeared, and only a few minutes later, it was demolished. Good Samarans yanked the driver from the mangled machine and reported he'd been rocketing past 100 miles per hour before gravity physics and chemically enhanced bad ideas teamed up to take the wheel. deputies identified that man as 36-year-old Calvin Johnson, and depending on who you ask, the accident may not have been his fault. Johnson, who may have mixed a little too much sci-fi imagination

with whatever substance he was on, insisted to deputies he hadn't stolen the car at all. Instead, he teleported into the BMW, Beamer up, Scotty. I don't know. I'm not on it, I don't know. I teleported or something. Where did you get the car from? I don't know.

I don't know. I teleported. He teleported. I don't know. He just suddenly... He woke up in it like an episode of Quantum Leap. Right. All of a sudden he's behind the wheel of a stolen BMW.

Quantum Leap. I loved it. He also made a passing reference to the X-Men and told officers, You saved me from the aliens. A passing reference to who? The X-Men. The X-Men. He has an extensive criminal record,

which includes convictions this year for trespass, obstruction, loitering, resisting, and grand theft for stealing a $1,500 bicycle. Asked why he stole the bike, Johnson answered. I just felt like it. He seems troubled. Yes. He was teleported to a hospital for treatment,

then teleported to jail, and faces charges of grand theft of a motor vehicle and driving with a suspended license. Well, good luck keeping him in jail if you can just teleport out of there. I know. Yeah, you're going to have to lock them down somehow. That'd be a cool party trick.

A Florida woman pulled over during a traffic stop, tried to hide drugs in her privates, her vagangia, if you will, a little quiefer madness. The incident occurred November 29th in Palm Coast, a small city about 60 miles southeast of Jacksonville. After a vehicle rolled through a red light and stopped in the middle of the intersection, the deputy discovered the 27-year-old driver was impaired. And he also noticed two passengers inside, including a two-year-old. Duh. Kaley Poe stepped out of the car but struggled to keep her balance. What are you doing partying with a two-year-old? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe the two-year-old was her dealer. I'm not sure. Baby selling crack on the corner. She agreed to a series of field sobriety exercises, which didn't help her case. In one test, she showed five of eight signs of impairment. In another, she showed three of four. And in a more diagnostic evaluation, she displayed all six clues associated with drug or alcohol use.

It was a clean sweep. Yeah, she dominated. Poe had all the tell-tale signs of being under the influence, tell-tale watery eyes, tell-tale slurred speech, and an elevated beating of Poe's tell-tale heart. More than that, Deputy said she was drunk. At the jail, she agreed to two breath tests, both including no alcohol in her system,

but then she decided she was done with testing, and Poe said never more. Refusing any further tests, when instructed to remove her socks during intake, Poe did so, but it went equally as bad. seven and a half yellow rectangular pills fell out. Those pills turned out to be Xanax, and that wasn't it. When officers pulled back the curtains,

additional Xanax pills were found hidden in her vagina wrapped in clear plastic. Oh, fun. Lord. Fun, fun, fun, fun. First, this woman did something incredibly dangerous and stupid by driving under the influence of drugs with a toddler in the car, Sheriff Ricks Daly said. Then on her way to jail,

she thought she would not get caught with Xanax by trying to hide it in body cavities, but she got caught and now faces additional felony charges, he said. Poe was scheduled to appear in court December 23rd. What is it, 2016? Who's still doing Xanax? That's not cool anymore?

Nah. What is it now? What's that ADHD drug? Fentanyl. Adderall? Yeah. What was it the cops did again? They pulled back the curtains.

Yeah, just to discover what she was hiding. What type of curtains? You know, I'm not sure. they didn't specify. You wouldn't recognize them. You're a married man. It's been a while. While police scoured the area for a hit-and-run driver,

who just set off a string of crashes in Georgia, they had no idea he was sitting comfortably inside a nearby Popeye's watching them work. 911 got the call about 4.45 p.m. last Wednesday, after witnesses reported a Volvo driving on the wrong side of the road. It clipped one car, crashed into another, and forced a third driver off the roadway, trying to avoid a head on collision. When officers arrived, they were greeted by damaged vehicles scattered across the scene,

but no sign of the driver. For a moment, it seemed he'd pulled a disappearing act. Then came the reveal. 53-year-old James Mann had crossed the road to get to the chicken. He was sitting in Popeyes the entire time, an officer said, on body cam video. He was literally sitting at that table watching everybody, the cops said. Before long, police spotted man walking outside the restaurant and placed him under arrest. They noted his droopy eyes and slurred speech, though there was no smell of alcohol.

A look inside his vehicle turned up, a prescription bottle for 120 Xanax pills filled earlier that day, but already missing seven. Here we go again. What? What happened? 2016. Xanax. Xanax again. Zanax, Zanax. Meanwhile, in Florida, an argument Thursday escalated into flying poultry and a felony. According to the Broward County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched just after 10 p.m. to reports of a fight between two women.

Investigators said 25-year-old Jamisha Wallace threw a piece of chicken directly into another woman's face during the argument. After the chicken flew, Wallace went upstairs to her apartment and returned holding a knife. She pointed the knife toward the victim and moved it toward her hand, making contact. The report notes the contact didn't cause a cut, but it was enough for deputies to classify that incident as aggravated. battery. Aggravated friggin' battery. Turns out America's bird is earning its keep this week. First a hit and run, then a felony, and now fixing winter just in time. As this week's snowstorm comes to the head, frosty eyelashes and stuck together frozen nostrils are singing Minnesota as settling into the seasons we're best known for. Local watershed districts are encouraging

community members to switch to a sidewalk salt alternative which can help reduce pollution. Chicken grit. Typically fed to poultry to help them digest their feed, chicken grit can also help humans stay upright on slick sidewalks. Oh, yeah, where do I get a barrel of chicken grit? Hardware stores, they said. Hmm. To spread the word, the Ramsey, Washington Metro, Rice Creek, and Coon Creek Watershed districts along with the Vadness Heights Lake Area Water Management Organizations are talking grit. Teaming up with 10 local hardware stores to hand out free bags of chicken grit as part of their get-gritty campaign for anyone interested. in trying a reusable salt alternative this winter.

Well, yeah, I'd give it a shot. I don't give two rats' asses what I put on the sidewalk. Yeah, why not? Never heard of this kind of thing. Yeah, it was new to me as well. According to the DNR, about 42% of the chloride in Minnesota's environment comes from road salt. Once the ice melts, the chloride slips into the groundwater,

harms lakes and streams, messes with fish and birds, can make pets sick and even affects drinking water. Officials recommend shoveling the snow, using an ice chipper to help remove the ice, lay down the grit which can be swept up and reused at the end of the season. Oh, I'm not sweeping anything up and using it. What? Well, there goes this friggin thing.

Free bags are available through January 16th. Maybe just rent a bunch of chickens and they'll eat it up for you at the end of the season. I got to clean it up at the end of the season? In-N-Out Burger has kicked its once-innocent order number 67 to the curb, a casualty of a meme-fueled teen trend turning takeout into pep rallies. For months, social feeds have been stacked with clips of teenagers detonating and delirious cheering whenever an in-and-out worker uttered the digit in question, 167, and suddenly the dining room erupts. 7-6-7.

The trend appears to stem from rapper Skrilla's song Dute-Dute-6-7, which features the... Did I sound cool saying that or what? No. There's nothing cool about this bit at all. It features the number as a reoccurring lyric. The meme went viral after Charlotte. at Hornets point guard lamello ball popularized the term using it as a reference to his height. Teens now react to any mention of it as if Pavlov himself were running the kitchen, shouting 6-7 while gesturing with both palms up and alternating motions like juggling an invisible ball.

The phrase gained such cultural prominence that dictionary.com you may remember listed 6-7 as its 2025 word of the year the first time a number has received that honor. The dictionary described it as an example of how modern slang blends digital humor, sports culture, and generational creativity. Discussion about the missing number first emerged on social media where users noticed the pattern at multiple locations. Customers reported cruising from 66 to 68 with no numerical pit stop. And no explanation beyond an employee's admission, the chain pulled 67 from circulation. We have taken 67 out of our system, so whenever we're taking orders, it goes 66. The employee also confirmed 69 was previously removed for similar reasons.

In an out's response, contrasts with other fast food chains, Wendy's and Pizza Hut embraced the meme by offering promotional deals priced at 67 cents. Yeah, I'm ready to be done, too. If your dream job involves cross-country travel, creative storytelling, and the possibility of getting lucky inside a 27-foot hot dog, Oscar Meyer is once again searching for its next class of Wienermobile drivers. What a dream this would be. The company's opening 12 full-time driving positions for its iconic 27-foot-long hot dog themed

vehicle, the Wiener Mobile. It'll be the 39th class of hot doggers, as they call them. The Wiener Mobile first hit U.S. highways in 1936, though the company didn't introduce the hot-dager program until 88. As part of the role, you'll become an official spokesperson for the multi-billion-dollar brand, visiting more than 30 states and appearing at hundreds of events. To cut the mustard, you'll need a bachelor's degree, preferably in public relations or similar communications fields. But even with the right credentials, landing the gig is no picnic.

Less than 1% of applicants make the cut with more than 5,000 people applying on average. A lot of people want that job. Yeah, I mean, it's just a fabulous gig, the weiner by God Mobile. If you're ready to take the wheel of one of America's most recognizable rides, aspiring hot doggers can apply until January 31st. I would never be funny enough. They are absolutely hilarious with their cute little puns. They have a training for that.

Were you here, Ashley, when we had some of the hot doggers in studio? Yes, and he was awesome. He was so great. They'll train you in, Ashley. Yeah, they have a whole training for all their terms and phrases and stuff. They're not that frigging funny for Christ's sake. Tonight, the 28th season finale of South Park and on Disney Plus, second season premiere of Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and that's 93X News.

Coming up next, we'll chat with Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder on the half-ass morning show. It'll be Super Bowl 62, February of 2028 in Atlanta. Have you seen the script? Do you know who's going to play in that one yet? I saw it. No. No.

I'll let you know later. Okay. I'll tell you what, Joe Buck. the best in the business of calling football games and the some bitch is funny Joe and Troy last night there a couple nights ago

trading jokes about how the NFL is scripted he leans into that bit a little bit that's okay by me that's okay by me joining us at this time Randy Shaver and Brad Rider boys good morning good morning have you ever heard Joe Buck like on a podcast

asked or being interviewed somewhere? Yes. He's good. He's very humble. He's very funny. He is very funny. I've never understood the angst about him. I just don't get it. No, no. We're Joe Buckers around here. We're bucking it. Yeah, we'll buck it.

Yes, Josh. He does come off like a very humble down-to-earth and funny guy. I wonder if the folks that hate him. And he even says, I get it. I kind of seem, is it smarmy? Or smug? Yeah, he said, I get, I understand, I kind of have, I don't mean to, I have that about me.

I wonder if folks that don't like him if they'd hear him interviewed, if maybe that'd change their opinion of it. Yeah, it did for me. It would change their. Not that I never hated him, but I saw that side of him, but listening to that, he is a good guy. It absolutely would change their opinion. What do you make of this snowstorm that cut through town last night, fellas? I'm looking out my window right now and waiting for somebody to come plow me out. That's what we're waiting for.

God. I have an opinion on people who are driving out in this. If you... Here we go. I don't have a car off as this guy who's got a four-wheel drive. All right, well, first off, timeout, Brad Rider. First off, time-out. It sounds like you've put a used condom over your cell phone.

Yeah. Are you talking to the real walkie-talkie? What is going on? Hang on a second. Yeah. Hit a button, and then I want to hear your statement. on winter driving. That might help.

I turned off my little space heater in my office. Did that help? No. That's going to call. Brad, you might have to call back. I think it's the connection. It sounds like you're buried under a snow bank. Yeah.

Really? Don't you do, I call me back? Sure. We'll start this over again. Data doesn't seem like he wants to call you back. Now I've got to look up what his number is. You know, I'm with you, Randy Schaber. I don't know why he thought his space heater had something to do with them.

It's so cute. He's like a grandma. He's got his little space heater going. Isn't an Afghans wrapped up with hot cocoa? My wife does that. My wife always has a space heater around. I enjoy the hell out of them. I don't think I'd ever blame my space heater for a bad connection with my telephone.

That doesn't seem to, they don't seem to go together. That's right. All right, we'll get Brad loaded up. He's going to do that typical Minnesota bit here in a minute where he's the only one who knows how to drive in the winter. Yep. So I love that routine. We talked about it a couple days ago.

Hard ons everywhere love to claim that they're the only one who knows how to drive in the winter. So let's see if he goes in that direction. Dana's over there finger-bang in the phone like it's his job. And you seemed excited about it, too. You want to call Brad back? Yeah, I suppose. Is this better? Way better.

Oh, so much better. So Brad, you were making a statement on winter driving. Yeah, I mean, if you have a roller skate car and you cannot go over half the posted speed limit, just stay home. Some people got to go to work, Brad. They got to go to work, Brad. They got to pay the bills. Most people can work remotely and do that. You can do that.

We can't. I'm one of those people that's going to go 40. I've got someone at home that relies on me. I got to be safe. 40 is fine. I'm talking about when you go 10 and a 40. So you're going like 20 and a 60. The other drivers aren't good enough for you, Brad?

No. Okay. Sorry they can't afford expensive vehicles like you can, Brad. Wow. Nick, you were right, Nick. I knew it. I knew we had that typical barrel-chested Big Dong, Minnesota thing. Yeah, poor Dana gets stuck like three times all the way to work because he's driving like the tiniest little car ever.

Yeah, she's a real. out there this morning. Yeah, it's a mess. It's a mess. It's a mess. It's a mess. It's a mess. It's a mess.

It's a mess. It's a mess. It's going to be a little messy for a day or two. You guys want to go outside and build a fort or something? No, I miss those days. Oh, you guys, I am so lucky. So I live in, like, kind of a half cul-de-sac. And they push all the snow right into my front yard.

So wear that house that has the huge snow pile. Dude. I cannot wait until my son gets older, and I get to go out there with him. and build the most epic, epic force. Bill? No, don't? Just throw them in there now, get them used to it. Actually, I did that last week.

I put him in a little snow stute. Put him on the snow, see how he felt about it. It was not a happy occasion. What do you like better, the snow or the pumpkin you put him in? Oh, that pumpkin was awesome. Probably the pumpkin. He was chill with that. Cubby, you like to build snow forts when you were a kid?

Oh, yeah. Bring your cigarettes in there and your porno magazines. Well, candy cigarettes. Candied cigarettes. Oh, yeah. And comic books. Boy, I busted my lip open. Me and a dude down the street built a snow fort.

We were about fifth grade, maybe, built this big massive snow fort. It was, I think, actually, I think it was a snow day. That's how much snow fell. Those are the best. It only happened once or twice for me growing up. Yeah, it seemed to never happen when we were kids. This was a 1983, I believe. Anyway, we built this big snow for it.

I went and climbed up on the top of the pig, and it was about two stories, three stories tall. And my bro was down at street level, and Josh, I did my best David Lee Roth splits. Oh, cool. Because of my Van Halen fanhood back in those days, still to this day. But I imagine that Unchained was playing,

like at a live show, in Southern California, and I was David Lee Roth on top of the, and I did the splits, and when I came down, I landed on my broski, and you see these jagged chicklets I've got up front here, Cubby? Yeah? I landed on my bro and bit into my lower lip. Wow. Aw wee.

And just popped it. Bleeding all over the frigging place. I've done that crash in a bike. That's painful. Did your dad bring you to the doctor when you crashed your bicycle? No. Oh. Who brought you to the doctor?

Nobody. You did not go to the doctor? Just basically bandaged it up and bandaged it up and said, you're a problem. You didn't need any stick? No, I had another bike crash, though, where I lost my teeth. I lost like three teeth up front. Oh, geez. So that one I went to the doctor.

And then the teeth fell out? Yeah. We were playing cops and robbers. I forget about this. You've got some kind of falsies? Yeah, these three here. Your buddy made them for me. Or more like your brother's buddy.

Oh, that guy? Yeah, he made him for him. So they're fake. Yeah. Permanently stuffed up into your... They call them crowns. I don't know what they call them. But, yeah, basically there's nothing left, and they just put those there.

I'm fascinated by this. Now, are those... I'm with you. I have one of those two. Was it the same thing? You had one knocked out? Long story, but it wasn't knocked out by anything. Just one of those root canal things that the tooth died and had to fix it.

Oh, I got to fix it. Yeah. Oh, I got a buddy who's got a dirt tooth. We all make fun of them. Anyway, so the chicklets I'm looking at right now, those are the same ones they put in when you were a kid? No, different ones. These ones, did they have to replace the teeth as you grew larger?

Yes, exactly. Fascinating. Believe it or not, every one of these beautiful tombstones here are real. They're legit. Yeah. That is surprising for you. Yeah. I had banana bars on my bike.

You remember those? Delicious. Yeah. Absolutely delicious. No, no, no. It weren't real bananas. Oh. Yeah.

And that's what took out my teeth. Banana. Yeah, I was going up a curb. The bar just knocked my teeth out. Kind of like this here? What's a banana bar? Like a, did they call them ape hangers on motorcycle? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hilarious, and it knocked all your teeth out? Yeah. Hmm. When I busted it. my lip open by biting right into the damn thing. Oh, God. Went to the doctor. The old man had to drive me there, and they accused him of beating me up. That was the most fun we had at the doctor's office that day. Because the old man had like six, seven beers in him when I got home, pouring blood all over myself, right? I needed like nine or ten stitches in my vent to fix the damage, and the doctor thought

the old man was drunk and tuned me up. And I stuck with that story for a while. No, I didn't actually. I didn't realize what was going on, but they pulled me into a room and asked me what happened, and I told them the story. Then they pulled me into a different room and asked me what happened. I told them the story. Then they pulled my dad into the room and asked him what happened. He said, I don't know. I'm sitting on the couch drinking beer.

A kid comes home covered in blood, said he fell off a snow fort. Then they asked my dad and I together what happened. And it didn't dawn on me. Oh, for Christ's sake, they're trying to figure out if he beat me up. Mm-hmm. Someone said something about building snow penises. Yeah, Dana. Dana.

Well, we brought up yesterday or maybe Monday at snow penis season. I'm not the only one. Come on. Brad or Randy Shaver, will you text us or call us if you see a snow penis in your neighborhood? If I see one in my neighborhood, I'll be shocked. I don't come through campus anymore, so I don't get a chance to see them. The easy joke is how many inches of snow do you need before you can build one? I think two is more than enough.

Three is showing off. Randy, you don't think you live in a snow-penessy neighborhood? Oh, gosh, no. No? No. Well, you could be that guy. Those days are long gone, isn't it? Be a trendsetter, Randy.

You just can't get them up in that neighborhood. Nope. There's nowhere to be found. They don't last. Yeah. You might get one cooking, but they don't last. I should have said this. I knew I was going to get crap for it.

People are saying it's a banana seat, you dumb ass, not banana bars. I know we call them banana bars as kids. I should have said AP. I had never heard banana bars before. I apologize. That's what we called. You don't need to apologize. I'm sorry for my childhood. You don't need to apologize to anyone.

My parents will never apologize for my childhood, which they should, by the way. So I will apologize. That's what we called them. When a dude rode through our neighborhood with those banana bars, we usually beat the dude's ass. I did it for myself. Yeah, you didn't have it. Yeah, we usually beat those kids up. Any guy with a banana scene, my neighborhood just got ripped on.

Yeah. That's classic now. We would usually pull them off their bicycles. Yeah. Beat on them for a while. Yeah, it's a hell of a deal. Where should we go with this? I knew we had somewheres to go.

Oh, it definitely feels like hockey season. And if you feel like hockey, well, then we should get to our Minnesota Wild Update, brought to by Luther Key of Bloomington. So I mentioned I got one buddy who's got a dirt tooth, right? All of his other teeth are totally, and this is hockey related. I know you're probably asking yourself, wait a minute, I thought this was a wild update. This is hockey related. He's got, all of his other teeth are beautiful, but he's got Josh right here in the front.

He's got this little tiny little dirt tooth. Just a black tooth? It's all dead. It's kind of brown. Does it hurt? Do you know? Well, no, here's the deal. So he went and got it capped, if that's the word, right?

That's right. Like this porcelain fake tooth, right? He and I are playing beer league hockey 10 years ago. And, you know, you get a little aggressive out there. I see a stick come up from one of our opponents, and I see my dirt tooth buddy. Oh, he grabs his face, right? And he goes to the bench. I ended up closing out my shift.

I go to the bench and I say, what happened? You get cut? And he moves his hand away from his mouth. Well, what had happened was the dude just exploded that fake porcelain tooth and exposed his dirt tooth again. Oh, no. No. It exposed his dirt tooth that we, you know, used to make fun of him for when we were kids, and then he got it capped. So we hadn't, all of us on the bench, we hadn't seen this dirt tooth in decades. So we went right back to being fourth graders. We started going, dirt tooth, and giving him a hard time. And he was pissed at us for making fun of his dirt tooth.

And he was mad at the opposite player for not apologizing for exploding his fake tooth and once again exposing his dirt tooth. I'll tell you, when I had, there was a couple days in between where they put the new fake teeth in where I didn't have any, and I was pretty embarrassed. Yeah. Running around like that. Although, I kind of added a level of toughness to me that I'd never had before. Yeah?

Yeah. I have, like, one of my front teeth, like half of it is fake, but the funny thing about it is because of a dirt tooth? I'm not exactly sure what happened. I just went to the dentist one day, and I thought my tooth was just crooked. And the dentist goes, do you want me to fix the chip tooth you have? I was like, what? What are you talking about?

He's like, yeah, that's chipped. I was like, yes, this is amazing. This is the best news I've ever heard. Yeah. So has it given any trouble since? Yeah, it's falling off twice. But both times I was able to get into the dentist that day, thankfully, because, yeah, that is very, it's humbling. It makes you feel not so good about yourself.

One time it was just, I was eating Doritos. Wow, that's a real strong tooth I got there. You were eating Doritos and it gave way. Yeah, I know a guy who lost a tooth in a muffin. My dad pulled one of his teeth out of his skull while biting into a truck stop muffin. And it was friggin hilarious. Did he have bad teeth? No.

I don't remember him having bad teeth. No. But he just pulled one of them out with a muffin. And he lost a couple more. by punching himself in the face while trying to start his ice auger. True story. Hand slipped off the, what do you call this thing?

Are you guys looking at me? Yeah. What do you call that thing? The cord? The cord. Oh, yeah. I'll go with cord. The rope.

The rip cord, the rope. He was trying to start his cold-blooded ice auger, and he's pulling like a son of a bitch. It won't start. And his hand slipped off, and he punched himself in the mouth. and knocked out two of his teeth. I punched myself in the mouth before starting a lawnmower.

Luckily, no teeth came out. Yeah. It's humbling. The pigs don't play again until tomorrow night. They play at home against the Dallas Stars. Tonight is the night that Zach Perese gets dumped into the United States Hockey Hall of Fame. Oh, boy. So we want to say congrats to Zach.

He's a good guy, a friend of the program, and we're very proud to call him a bro. I think they're in Los Angeles. Vegas tonight. That might be the liquor talking. You can look that up. I thought they went to Las Vegas for this event. I thought it was kind of funny, the headline, the Pioneer Press had.

Full-time hockey dad, Zach Perese, takes his place in the Hall of Fame. That's what he is now. That's cute. He's coaching, I think, on three different teams with his kids, or for his kids, however you want to put it. Jackie will be inducted into the hall

the United States Hockey Hall fan. Did I make that clear? Yes. Okay. Yep. Zachie will be going in alongside a photographer by the name of Bruce Bennett. Scott Gomez.

Zachie and Scott Gomez played, I know, together for quite a few years in New Jersey. A ladies hockey player by the name of Tara Mouncy and former Wisconsin star hockey player. player and longtime NHLer Joe Pavelski. I don't know, Josh, you tell me. If it wasn't for his imagination, I bet Zach never would have made it.

You got to imagine the success first. He should give credit to his imagination for the levels that he reached as an American hockey player. Imagination. Imagination. Oh, it looks like the induction ceremony is here in town at the River Center. Oh, that's right, in St. Paul. Mm-hmm. I was to O'Frey.

The Vegas of Minnesota. St. Paul. Vegas of the Midwest. I don't know why the hell I had lost Vegas on the brain. Yeah, right here in St. Paul. You're right. I read a story last night where Zach, who we talked to on the telephone when he was, you know, officially named a future American hockey Hall of Famer, whatever,

when they made the announcement, we talked to, Zach on the telephone. I think he said on the day that he found out he was playing golf with a couple of other great American players, Jamie Langanbruner, and Mike Madano. It's got to be cool to get that call on that company. No kidding. Last night, for the first time in NHL history, there were four games in one night that featured game tying goals within the final 15 seconds of regulation. I can go further with this. If you, care. I don't know. I thought that might grab people. What are you think? Is that interesting to you?

Yeah. Four games in one night that featured game-tying goals within the final 15 seconds of regulation. Two of the tying goals came within the final two seconds. Here's how it worked out. The Anaheim Ducks scored with one second left in regulation

to tie Pittsburgh. Vegas tied their game against the New York Islanders with 14 seconds left. Colorado tied Nashville with eight seconds left and Ed Mentle squared up their game versus Buffalo with two ticks left on the clock. Games have been historically close this season in the NHL. There are more numbers I could read to you, but it gets confusing and boring.

You're going to have to trust me. The games have been closer this year than ever before. Parity, maybe. That's what I saw a few coaches say. Your name again is Brad Rider, the parody in the league. Sorry for a second there. the fact that teams strategically play for the tie, you know, for the opportunity to go to overtime.

They will just sit on their hands and play a very lockdown style if the game is tied late, sure. So I just pulled up the standings in the Eastern Conference. All eight playoff teams are within four points of each other. In the Eastern Conference? Further proof. Yeah, they all have between 35 and 39 points. F me.

F me running sideways. Tonight, the Golden Gopher Dudes Basketball Club hopes to continue their undefeated streak in the Big Ten Conference by beating the number six-ranked Purdue Boilermakers. And that's where they'll find them, Big Ten Network. That's right, Randy Shaver. Game time, 6 o'clock. I saw a cute little story in the paper.

about Golden Gopher head coach Nico Medved back 30-some years ago when he was a student manager for the Golden Gopher Basketball Club. He played a game of horse at Willam Arena with then Purdue head coach Gene Cady. And he whooped Gene Cady's ass at horse. I will continue to fear Gene Cady.

Yes. And even if I could beat him at something, I would let him win. if you're younger and you don't know Gene Katie, who I believe is still with us. That was one frightening-looking dude on the sideline. He prowled the sidelines.

He was a prowler. He had a look when he was coaching the boiler makers, whether they were up 20 or down 20, he had his arms folded across his chest, and his facial expression told me that he was farting broken glass. Yeah, he's 89. I'm sure his players feared him.

Oh, yeah. He's 89? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Nico got to play some horse with Gene Katie. The Los Angeles Dodgers have opted hired Rocco. Yeah, they have. Good for the front office.

Good for him. There goes Rocco. Good for him. You're going to be a L.A. guy. Did he grow up in Southern California? you? I don't know. Not sure. But I mean, it's anytime you can hook yourself up with an organization like that, that's got tons of money and a lot of tradition.

And they do things at the top level, that's pretty good. Grew up in Rhode Island. Oh, for Christ's sake. I was close. Woonsocket, Rhode Island. You're so close. Rhode Island. Who lives in Rhode Island?

Maybe this is a way down a new path for him if he's joining their front office. I mean, maybe eventually you'll get into becoming a GM or something like that. Yeah. Yeah, like Randy said, he's not joining the Dodgers coaching staff. He's hired to do shady things in the Dodgers front office. Yeah. One of his longest bros, Andrew Friedman, is the Dodgers president of baseball operations. and Rocco and this Friedman character used to hang out together when they were with the Tampa Bay Rays.

All the Major League Baseball Big Shots, as you know, are in Orlando, Florida. Yes. For what they call the winter meetings, team owners and GMs and those type of pricks, right? They're all hanging out together. Yeah. This is where the trades happen this week. Right. It's quiet so far, but very good chance things are.

will start to heat up a little bit. Other than trading players, they cover all kinds of things, new rules and this and that. Sometimes they all put their heads together and solve serious issues. It was only a year ago or so where they collectively planned out how to save the image and career of the best player in the game by framing that player's interpreter. Right? I mean, sometimes they handle serious business. How do we save the career of the best?

player in our game today. And collectively they came up with Let's Frame His Interpreter. It was a genius move, don't you think? Yeah, absolutely. Story's largely gone away. Yeah. Anyway.

That's just ridiculous. You got to feed all those hot shot rich folks at one point or another, right? During a week-long meeting or whatever it is, you got to feed these bastards, but it'll cost you. It says here that something as simple as a chicken sandwich goes for $31 in trade at the baseball winter meetings. Oh my God.

Wow. What? That'd be the best chicken sandwich I've ever had in my life. That chicken sandwich better do things to me that no woman has ever thought of for $31. A fella with a sense of humor by the name of Evan Grant. Pops. Poo. Grant.

A guy with a sense of humor by the name of Grant. he works for the Dallas Morning News. He came off cute by tweeting out, no wonder the Rangers aren't spending on players this offseason. A damned chicken sandwich is $31 at the winter meetings. What's the most you ever paid at a restaurant or whatever for a simple meal? You know what I'm talking about? Boy, I don't know.

Probably in the 20s. Maybe you didn't even have to buy it, but you saw it on the menu. Like you said, a tuna salad sandwich is $18. We're not counting ballparks here, just restaurants. I remember, oh, go ahead. No, no. I remember, boy, this was going back to the ladies, but draft, not draft night, but the night of the draft lottery in New York,

a bunch of us got taken out for dinner by some league people. And again, this is New York, and nothing on the menu was under $100. Nothing. Jeez. Nothing. I don't remember where we went. It was some uppity place in New York. Yeah.

Yeah, not counting ballparks or strip joints. A year or so ago, me and my college roommates, we all got together to go out to dinner, and one guy suggested it a place. I don't remember where it was. It was somewhere here in town, but we go there. And it was a lot nicer than we thought it was going to be. We weren't dressed for the occasion. I think just a basic cheeseburger on the menu is like $27.

And we still bust his balls about it. Like one guy in the group, we'd be like, yeah, no, I'd love to send my kid to college one day, but I'm still paying off that cheeseburger that we got a year ago. Going to be a slow Christmas this year. I saw another joke that said the Minnesota twins would trade that sandwich. With a third of it still yet to be eaten and only get an egg in return. Yep. Man. By the way, we were talking about the L.A. Dodgers, Sho High Otane.

I read something nice about the guy. Of course, well, not of course. Maybe some of you didn't know this. Show High played with Gus Varland, Louis's brother. Yep. Oh, yeah. Gus and Sho High played with the Dodgers together very briefly. The Varland boys, their mother, who goes by the name of Kim, was diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago, and Otani paid for the treatment. Are you serious? That's incredible. With his gambling

earnings. Oh. Oh. Tacks right off. Oh, my God. I had no, that's really awesome. I had no idea that that was the case. Yeah, I didn't I didn't know about it. That is pretty nice. Very sweet. Pretty damn nice. The dream is true,

everybody. Phil Rivers went ahead and signed with the Indianapolis Colts. 44. It's not going to play this. This week, they're going to give him a week to get himself ready to go. Oh, that's not what I read, Randy Shaver. Just go take a nap. Oh, I thought he was going to wait a week.

Well, we don't know. I read a few people who said that he will start for the Colts this weekend when they play at Seattle. Then I'm just read it. Those lucky pricks in Seattle. How in the, oh, my gosh. They gave the old bag of bones. They're going to go up against the best defense of the NFL and send a 40-year-old. I was just going to say two weeks ago they got Max Brosmer on their field,

and now they got Phillip Rivers coming in. You think that scares Philip Rivers? Again, look at his family photo. You think the Seattle defense scares Philip River? Wow. He's got 17 kids. He's got to support him somehow. Sorry, Brad, that joke was made yesterday.

Hey, I didn't hear it yesterday, so there you go. Ashley wasn't here. I'm not mad at anybody. I'm just saying the joke was made yesterday. When's the last time they could take a photo without landscape mode, that family? Once you get there, yeah, you're going to want to work the rest of the life. Good luck taking a selfie with that family. If I'm playing fantasy football, I pick up Phil.

Oh. Watch he has just an awesome game. Set some records. That'd be great. They're going to win the Super Bowl. Wouldn't that be something? Somebody here is suggesting that you can't put them out there. That's elder abuse.

It could be really bad. Now, a lot of folks have been asking, when's the last time something like this went down? And I was reading about another quarterback who made a comeback after a long stinking time away from the game. And Randy Schaeber, Brad, Ryder, I'm talking about Steve F me running sideways DeBerg. Steve DeBerg, yeah.

He first retired in 1993 when he was 30, 39 years old. Then he came back to the game in 1998 and started a game for the Atlanta Falcons. So he was 44 years old, just like Phil River. Yeah. De Berg filled in that game for the Falcons injured starter at the time. Chris Chandler, otherwise known as Crystal Chandelier.

One of the greatest nicknames in football history, if he asked me. Chris Chandler was always injured, and he gained the nickname Crystal Chandelier. Whoever was the first deserves a cold beer. That's really good. It didn't go well for Steve DeBerg during that start. The Falcons lost. He went nine of 20 for 117 yards and one interception. Those are J.J. McCarthy type numbers.

Only one interception? Yeah. I must disagree. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. That was one half of J.J. McCarthy type numbers. Just one half. The difference here being that DeBerg was on the Falcons roster all.

season before filling in for Crystal Chandelier. So he had been practicing regularly all season. Over the past five years, Phil's just a dorky dad who coaches high school football. Then he goes home and eats hamburger helper and obviously has unprotected sex with his wife. So Philip's oldest child is 23. So there's people in the NFL that are younger than his oldest child. That's just crazy. This is going to be magical.

Oh, it's going to be bad. I mean, I know it's not going to happen, but wouldn't it be something if he led them on some kind of run? It's going to be bad. What's this about Chador Sanders of the Cleveland Browns wearing thong underwearers, Josh? I wasn't able to get to this. Well, his brother called him out because it does look like in a photo he's wearing thongs. A-thong, just a single thong.

A lot of the athletes wear thongs. Yeah, they have underwear like that you've seen before. Yeah, a jockstrap thong. Right. Same thing one way or the other. Speaking of football, there's a great article this morning on ESPN.com about the Cowboys and the Vikings will match up on Sunday night. They're talking about the Hail Mary to Drew Pearson.

They bringing it up 50 years ago. It happened 50 years ago. And the comments from both sides about what that play meant for that team and how the Vikings still talk about it. hate it, call it, call him push Pearson, all that kind of stuff. It's really a pretty good article. Oh, the Hail Mary, 1970. You know, you'll see that on their pregame show on Sunday. Yeah. Was it Nate Wright? It was Nate Wright. Bell Krause was within a couple of feet of that play. Paul Krauss talks about that a lot and how bad that was and how the refs missed it and all that kind of stuff. The whiskey bottle.

Got the air and the bean. And Roger Stobach and Drew Pearson are still alive. Stobach is well into his 80s. I thought Roger was dead. I don't think so. I don't think so. He's quoted in this story. Well, if folks don't know what we're talking about with the whiskey bottle.

He says he's now 83 years old. F me. When Drew Pearson scored that touchdown at the old Mets Stadium, pushed off on Nate Wright to everyone in this neighborhood it was obvious offensive pass interference refs didn't do dick the crowd as you might imagine

who has been wildly overserved all day was upset and the story is some Yahoo threw a bottle of hooch out of the upper deck and it hit one of the referees right in the bean killed him

I'm kidding he survived but it did hit it hit It hit a referee right in the skull. Yep. December 28, 1978, 1975 at an old Met. Yep. 50-yard Hail Mary with 24 seconds left in a divisional playoff game. Speaking of the Vikings.

Yeah, it's terrible. Speaking of Hooch, who here is familiar with a former NFL cornerback who, cornerback, I wanted to be clear about that, who went by the name of Quinton Jammer. I remember him. Yesterday was the first time I'd ever heard of him. I remember the guy, yeah. He said something or another you might find interesting.

He said, true story in 2011, I played completely shh-faced drunk in at least eight games that season. Nice. Ashley approves. Not sure that's something I'd be proud of, Well, he wasn't bragging. He was kind of coming clean about...

Then why would he bring it up? Because it was like therapeutic. He was coming clean about some of his past problems. He said he was going through a tough divorce at the time and was obviously self-medicating. Yeah, I mean, I don't... You know, sometimes Randy Schaever, when people are talking about their worst moments,

they're clearing the air. They're doing it for... He said he was like Dana Menacea. He said he was going through a divorce. He was emotionally overwhelmed. His teammates say his breath was terrible. Just awful. Humming.

It was humming. Eight games. Faced drunk. I've heard plenty of football players say that they're better when high. I don't know if I've ever heard a football player say they were better when drunk. I don't think he said he was better. No, no. I'm not quoting him.

I'm just bringing up. When I was younger, I didn't really think about how I had a basketball game later in the day. And so me and my girlfriends did some day drinking. Hard. And I got player of the game. Did it make you want to keep drinking? Yeah. I was like, oh, really?

Because I guess I was, the reasoning was because I was very aggressive when it came to like, trying to grab the ball from somebody. Defense, or you're aggressive defensively? You were playing a game of basketball? Yep. Oh, here's What It Do, Jesus says, hell. Quentin Jammer, 2011, played eight games drunk. What It Do, Jesus says, I watched about 13 games that season, face drunk.

Lawrence Taylor played the game high on crack. Yeah, we know that. Hollywood Henderson was all full of cocaine. I read his book. It was called Out of Control, the story of Hollywood Henderson. He's dead, right? I think so. Yeah.

Did cocaine during the Super Bowl back in the 70s? Played for the Dallas Cowboys, the folks don't know. He had cocaine tucked into his football pants. Hollywood Henderson is alive. Hollywood Henderson is alive? Yes. I thought he had died. In 72.

And that dude, Josh, For a stretch of time, in the 70s and early 80s, had a sexual relationship with one of the Pointer Sisters. Get out of town. That's right. I remember that, too. I have always wanted to have a sexual relationship. With a pointer sister. You didn't even care which one.

You had a slow hand. That's right. And it was the sexiest of all the Pointer sisters. It was Anita Pointer. When I read that in the book, I thought, by damn, what a life this. This man has led. When the Pointer Sisters got out there when I was a kid and started doing their thing. Ooh.

He'll change you got. Yeah. What else is there happening? Former Vikings tight end Jimmy Klein sausage. Former Golden Gophers Center Greg Eslinger. Yeah. And a kid who played at St. John's. Are we counting St. John's?

Sure. Anyway, they will all be going into the college football Hall of Fame. or they went in yesterday. I can't remember which one it was. They're both local guys now. It's Eslinger, Klein Sausage, and Blake Elliott from St. John's University. I know Blake.

You do not. Okay. I knew you didn't know him. That's fascinating. Eslinger, he was a top-notch character there. Greg Aslinger is a great-gringer. great story because he was signed by Glenn Mason. I think he was very lightly recruited.

I want to see he was from North Dakota or someplace like that. Bismarck, I think. Yeah. And Gordy Shaw, who was the offensive line coach at the time for the gophers, basically turned him into an Outland Trophy winner. And Greg Aslinger won, I think his senior. year as the top offensive linemen in the country for the gophers and had a short NFL career and all that kind of stuff. But he's one of the great, he was kind of like the prototypical player

that Glenn Mason would recruit, you know, wasn't a five-star, four-star guy, but they coached those guys up to be really good football players. And that was kind of their MO as a coaching staff. especially with offensive linemen. Yeah. He had a really, really good track record for a while. And he lives here locally now. I think his son plays for Orno or a football program. Tweederville.

Yeah. Friggin Tweederville. I can't escape that damn guy. And Jimmy Kleinsosser's kid played for Mound. So he's a local guy too. Jesus, even worse, Mound. Now he's at U.N.D right now in North Dakota. Oh, my God.

Yeah. That all sounds so terrible. Josh, you hear that? You don't like any of it. Orono, Mound, and North Dakota? There's probably a dirty joke in here somewhere, Josh. It says here that Greg Eslinger once won the Rimmington Trophy. You'd never win that trophy.

No way. For the best center in the country, I think. Oh, there's a different Rimmington Trophy, Bradrider. Yeah, I stay away from that. No thank you. What does that trophy look like when you win the Rimmington Trophy? Like in one of the Olympic circles? A lot of spokes.

Just one. Spokes. You ready to feel like the dumbest damn adult in the world that says here a three-year-old kid in India is now the youngest ranked player in chess history, a three-year-old after the kid beat some chess professionals in their f-and-twenties. That is nuts. That's, come on, that's crazy. How embarrassed would you be if you're beating by the kid's barely out of diapers? My granddaughter's three years old and she watches Peppa Pig. She's a chess.

You could be a chess champion at three. Come on. That's right. Three years, seven months old, just got done beating some 20-year-olds in the chess tournaments. And now this little puke bag is ranked. Man, you know what I did? When I was three, I threw rocks at birds, you know, whatever. Like little Neanderthal things.

I ate dirt. I beat up my tonka trucks with a hammer while drooling all over my. That's what I did when I was no angels. Right. Well, that was, I don't even, I wouldn't even smart enough for a snow angel, Bradrider. I would have done it backwards. I would have done it on my face and suffocated myself. That's how dumb I was when I was three.

The second three-year-old to do exactly this, become a ranked champion. Give me a friggin' break. You'd beat a kid by a handful of days. That's just not right. The kid's dad said he introduced his son, his three-year-old son to chess in an attempt to cut down on his screen. time. Oh my gosh. How much screen time are you giving a one or a two year old that you have to

introduce him to chess? And now the kid plays between four and five hours of chess each day after he's done with nursery school. What is happening? I don't know. Again, I think I pooped in the corner of the room when I was in nursery school. That's how dumb I was. Is this a story in the onion

or is this legit? No, this is 100% legit? For you to get a three-year-old to focus on something longer than 30 minutes? I'm telling you. Josh, how dumb were you when you were three? Very dumb. I was licking the chalkboards at my nursery school, I think. Which is normal to do at three years old. Kid's going to get his ass kicked when he gets to school.

I feel bad for this poor kid. Can you picture me, Josh, out in the sandbox, just beating on my tonka truck with one rock in my hand. Just, uh, duh. You know, I wasn't smart enough to put a jacket on when it was cold outside. This kid is a miracle. Well, I do that when I'm 50, so. Congratulations, kid. Pretty impressive.

Beat a 29-year-old at chess. It sucks to be that 29-year-old. Yeah, it does. I go straight to the bar. Yeah, I wouldn't want to risk it. Question everything. I called sick that day. All right, boys, we got to go.

Thanks, Brad Rider, Randy Schaeber. If you drive anywhere, so today, take chances. Yeah. Go real slow to piss off Brad. Yeah. Enough people did that already this morning, so I'm fine.

We'll talk to you, gentlemen. See you. Thanks. We'll be back in a few minutes now. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Action. Next role with Vernon Davis. I'm your host Vernon Davis.

Okay, y'all. Thank you. Thank you. That's the matter. Today we have Dietrich Wise. Through my example, on the field, off the field, during game day and practice. That was one way that I led because then led to success. Next role isn't about what's next.

It's about why they do it. My man, Bobby Bones. Like, I've had a lot of stuff happen, bad and good. And so I don't have any fear of mixing it up. That's powerful, man. Next role with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93X, the home of the half-assed morning show.

All right, yeah, welcome back, everyone to the 93X-Hafass Morning Show. Are you having fun out there? For those of you who are driving right now, nothing but laughs, right? And imagine the steering wheels are feeling a little extra pressure today as folks are gripping a little tighter. Yeah, you got to know what you're doing. People are texting intents rough. It's going to be terrible. We wish you the best of luck.

We'll be joining you in a couple hours if you're still out there. So brace for impact. Not a great morning for driving. You know what over there, Cubby? What's that? Light of my life. I've been seeing a lot of articles about children. lately. And maybe that's because it's the holiday season. And, you know, children love that

gimmick. Santa Claus, Rudolph the reindeer, die hard. Kids love all the, they love all the Christmas things. Maybe that's why I'm seeing so many articles on children. I think this will work for us. And maybe it'll teach smashily something or another. She's just beginning her parenting career. Right now, Ashley, tell me if I'm wrong, it's more or less just about wiping asses and breast milk. Yep. The kid isn't old enough to cause too many problems just yet. No, not at all.

Doesn't know any tricks yet or anything? He actually just started laughing. That's pretty cool. Oh, yeah? But that's not really a trick. No, I mean, I can laugh. That's not a big deal. Yeah, it's pretty cool when they do it, though.

Dana's been doing it for years. I'm not impressed. You're bragging about it. Your kid is learning to laugh. Yeah. Kind of laugh does he have? Is it a very hardy laugh? Yeah.

What does he like? Like physical humor, kind of heady, smart humor, crude humor. He likes when you pretend to eat him. Oh, my God. It's in a cannibalism, you say. It just sends him into a tizzy. Yeah, oh, it's the best thing in the world. That's funny.

All right, so here are, Here is some of what they call here, unspoken realities of parenting. So people don't talk about these things, but everyone knows it's true. Are you listening, Ashley? Yeah, let's go. And Cubby can help you out along the way, right? I'll try. It's more of my wife's kind of thing, but...

You leave it all to the woman, do you, Cubby? Oh, I didn't mean it like that. I just meant she's a better person than I am. Okay, everyone knows that's not true. Oh, it's very true. Unspoken realities of parenting. Number one, if you see a deer, horse, eagle, plane, whatever, while driving, no, you didn't. Because by the time you say, hey, look, eagle, or whatever it is, and the kid says, where?

And you point it out, it'll be long gone. Repercussions are not worth dealing with. That makes sense. When you see something interesting, you don't point it out to your child. Because what if the child misses it? Then I believe, Josh, that's when the drama kicks in. It can, yeah. That's kind of funny.

Ignore. Ignore everything around you. Nothing interesting. Don't point it out to your kid. The younger they are, here's the second. unspoken reality of parenting. The younger they are, the more they want your time. The older they are, the more you want theirs.

Oh, yeah. That's very true. I've been warned about that. It's a cycle. Then they get even older, and then you get a chance to spend a lot more time with them, too. But for a while, you're right. They want nothing to do with you. That's so rude.

Now that your children are older, you want to spend more time with them? Yeah, we hang out plenty more when they're teenagers. You know, they have all their activities when they're teenagers and they want nothing to do with their parents for the most part. The younger they are, the more they want your time. The older they are, the more you want theirs. Back to the laughter. Ashley, you were saying your son can laugh now.

Dana was saying he's been laughing for years. while your friendly neighborhood garbage man Jesus has a different take on and he says I remember when I used to laugh oh no he sounds like a parent all right Ashley get ready tip number three sometimes you won't like your kid you'll love them because they're yours but they're their own person at one point or another with an individual personality and sometimes that personality totally sucks. I'd be so disappointed.

Like, you're not even fun to hang out with. I wonder what it's like as a parent when your kid grows up and you realize your kid is a prick. That can't be a good feeling. I wonder what it feels like. Then there's those parents that like, you know, they're so delusional. Oh, they'll ignore it. Yeah.

They'll never admit it. That probably makes the kid a prick, right? But let's say you have your wits about you. You don't have the, uh, the, the kid goggles on, right? It must be a hell of a deal. once your kid is 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, right? To sit back and go, oh my God, my child is a douchebag. What did I do?

That you probably blame yourself. But then other parents, I think, are smart enough to not do so. You know, I grew up with some kids who went way bad. And when we tell stories about them, there's always somebody who naturally will say, well, you know, their parents, and I always have to cut them off and say, that's not always the case. A couple of my buddies who went way bad, I put none of the blame on their folks. They just were bad. They created, they made choices.

They made frigging choices. So I often side with the parents and say, hang on. Now, that's not always the case. We know that. We know that. But just saying, sometimes once that kid has his own personality, it ain't pretty. And it has nothing to do with his frigging folks. Physics teacher Jesus said, every kid's a prick.

Every single one of them. Well, I'm not a fan of most children. I'll go along with you. Ashley didn't used to be. Yeah, I used to be in the same boat. You hated kids. You're permanently tired is the next unspoken reality of parenting. I've heard that from all my friends.

permanently tired. Yeah, that is an interesting realization. It happens very, very early on where you're like, I'm going to have to do this every day for a really, really, really long time. It's what I tell people that are excited to buy a house or something.

It's like, sure, it's great at first until you realize that mortgage payments every month and things are going to break down and stuff like that, it makes a difference. I will say so far, though, the highs definitely, they outweigh the lows by quite a bit. And that's great to hear, but your child, like we stated at the beginning of this conversation,

is not old enough yet to really call. To be a D-bag to me? I don't know, man. I'm losing hair left and right because of him, so I'm not too pleased with his behavior. You and I were texting last night, and you were very sick yesterday, and luckily the meds helped you out,

but you were saying, like I didn't realize that even when I'm very sick, I still have to be a mom and take care of the kid. Yeah. You didn't get a break. Gosh. All right. Here's something next on this list of the realities of parenting. And whenever we talk about children or families, you know, having a family, this is something that I know would just drive me insane.

I would go insane. and it makes me very thankful that I've never reproduced. Josh always tells me, ah, you get used to it or something like that. I just don't think I'd be able to. You could. The next reality is your house will never be clean for more than 11 minutes. I'm telling you, dude, I couldn't take it. I'd go friggin' nuts.

I thought the same thing. I think I've got it worse than almost anybody, you know, the way it was when my wife, you know, she was a package deal, two kids with her. They'd come over and it would be a disaster. Whose kids are those? You know what? We haven't figured it out. They showed up one day. The two that your wife showed up with when you two started dating.

Who are they? We brought them to the vet. They're not chipped. So we wanted to find the owners. I don't know. We put them on every milk carton in the 80s. They couldn't figure it out. So again, you're going to try to convince me that you end up getting used to the mess and you don't mind it so much.

I'm telling you. Well, it's not that you don't mind it, but you kind of give up some of that. And I have a couple spaces that are mine and they're impeccable. So as long as I can keep that alone, you know, nobody messes with that. It keeps you sane. Yeah, Nick, have you ever wanted every single piece of clothing in your closet to have baby spit on it? Of course he has. And it's no matter how much you clean it, it still smells like it.

Oh, gross. It's just the entire thing sounds like a horrible, inescapable nightmare. All right, one more real quick. and then we'll take a break. Oh, sure. We all end up turning into our parents. So this next little parenting reality, parenting makes you question everything your own parents did,

and then you end up doing the exact same thing. Because it's only natural. We all turned into our folks, one of them. I think you definitely appreciate things you never noticed before. Like what? You know, just like you go, like, wow, My parents, I didn't, like, my dad was constantly in a bad mood. And as a kid, I didn't understand it.

But then when I got older, I realized he was supporting basically two families of deadbeats. And he wasn't making any money. You know, that's why he was always in a bad mood. He had all this responsibility. The son bitch could have used a little help. Yeah, exactly. So I think, you know, he, just knowing, like you said, Ashley, like, oh, geez, you know, now there's people counting on me. Where before, it's like if I went broke and was completely irresponsible, it was just me that would pay the price.

Right. No, biggie. I told you guys this before. Once I, you know, was pregnant and gave birth, I told my mom, I was like, you're incredible. Like, I cannot imagine. She did it four times. I cannot imagine doing it four times. And then I turned to my husband.

And I was like, if you are ever rude to your mother, ever, ever once, ever, you suck. Because she went through this for you. Hey, UFM Recycling Jesus makes a good point here over our text message. He said the only baby spit that I want all over my clothing comes from baby spice. That is a true statement. We've got to take a break. We'll check in on the further nightmares of parenting when we come back on the half-ass morning show. The half-ass morning show, 93X.

Oh, no, Covey, I just got a text message here from a plow driver who was admitting that he just absolutely mangled some. mailbox. Oh, I feel bad for it. But you know what? It's okay. I've had that happen to me before and I found it to be great comedy, especially because there was mail in it, so it looked like a cartoon. Mail was everywhere. You saw it just explode. Yeah, it was one of those where it's like four all connected, right? So everybody's mail was like comically flying around. Hilarious. Was this pre-doorbell camera days? Yes. So you didn't get it on tape or anything? No, unfortunately I didn't. That's too bad. You're right because it was right in front of my house. That's too bad. That would be great to go back and watch. Nobody was mad.

We thought it was funny. I'm sure when you do it, though, you don't. Hey, dude. The dude who texted in, don't worry about that mailbox. I know a guy plowed driver who took out about 300 yards of somebody's fence. I've seen that before with just not like the blade hitting it, but just the accumulation of snow. It got so heavy you pushed a fence over.

Dude looked in his rearview mirror and saw this chaneling fence just cascading behind him. We appreciate what you do. accidents happen. Yeah. Okay. I think people understand that. Of course. We've been jaw jacking about parenting.

And the realletase that come with the gig. Oh, you silly, silly, silly breeders. You're up against it day after day. Here's some more on the subject of parenting realities. 90% of parenting is reacting to crumbs, weird noises. and suspicious silence. Oh yeah, anytime it's silence, you wonder what's going on.

Gets a little too quiet down in the basement. You know, usually there's trouble at that point. Yeah, they're up to something. Your kid will embarrass you publicly and sometimes on purpose. Oh, definitely on purpose. Bogus. What did they do to you, Josh?

Well, so my daughter, like she, would think it would be the other way around. Now, it was mutual because I would also do the same to them, trying to embarrass them in front of their friends. They were so good at dealing with it, though. But she would do something like do a weird dance at Home Depot or something

where I just be like, okay, I'm going in a different aisle. I can't be around. Just trying to embarrass me that way. Yeah. They will embarrass you publicly, sometimes even on purpose. I'm sure I embarrassed the living hell out of my folks. Quite a few times as a kid. I can't think

that I ever did it on purpose? Yeah, I don't think I did. I didn't like attention being drawn. Now I'm kind of regretting not putting together some kind of a bit, right? You seem like somebody who would. I never thought really to put on any kind of an act. You will, when you become a parent, become an unpaid event planner,

chef, Uber driver, nurse therapist, and crisis negotiator. Crisis negotiator. You know, once they get their license, It's terrifying on one hand, but it's also so liberating because like you said about the Uber driver, you know, now they're driving themselves to practices. If you're like, God, I really would like some Chipotle. Hey, kid, go pick up Chipotle.

You kind of got somebody running errands for me. Oh, that would be nice. And they don't mind it at all. You know, they're a new driver. I couldn't wait to drive when I was a kid. So I'd do whatever. You want me to go grocery shopping? I don't care.

Let me drive. No more paying for those door dash fees. You got your own personal door dash. This one's kind of deep as we're going to. getting towards the bottom of our list here of parent realities, parenting realities.

You think parenting gets easier. This should go on a wall somewhere next to the live, laugh, love thing. You think parenting gets easier. It doesn't. It just changes. Oh, fun. Fun? Yeah, great.

And finally, you'll never pee alone again. Well, that's not for me but my wife that's the case yeah it's i mean that's already started i can't i can't put him just crying so i just learned how to how to pee while holding him now it's not the kids it's the dogs yeah i was just going to say your dogs following into the bathroom too for some reason well i closed the door like she barely doesn't close it all the way yeah so they're always in the bathroom i know because i'll hear her go hello sirs yeah as they walk into the bathroom and she's in there

My dog, I have one dog that specifically loves to do that, and he will just, it's like he knows what to do. He comes in, he sits right in front of me, and he puts his head, like, right by my knees to get pets. But he also knows that when I start to grab toilet paper, he gets up and leaves. He's like, all right, you're done? He knows the routine.

It's so, it's so cute, but he'll also do it to visitors at the house. And they're like, why does he do that? And I'm like, oh, yeah, I might have, like, taught him how to do that. basically you have three dogs yeah so your bathroom dog when you're wrapping things up he turns to the others and says she's wiping dude she's about done she's coming out don't worry my my pets don't come into the bathroom with me they know me too well yeah mine might have never shown any interest in my potty style they don't want to come into the bathroom so you hold your baby while you take a leak now yep yeah yeah he just looks at the shower curtain because that's interesting enough

for a 16 week old. Have you guys ever timed it out and win at the exact same time? Probably, honestly, yeah. Oh, man, that's where it's at. All right, folks, we're going to get rolling here. We've got to get on the road with you and try to, I mean, try to keep from playing a full-on game of bumper cars. Cubby on the way out skis?

Canoe building Jesus wants to shout out his little package delivery boy over at Daytona Freight. Freshly squeezed Jesus, looking for a shout-out to his dad plowing snow right now. And another thank you from 93X to all the plow drivers working long hours for us to travel safe. Thank you. If you miss any part of the show,

you can always listen to our podcast at 93X.com. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency,

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