93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Throat-Hausen

Episode Date: July 30, 2026

Originally Aired July 30, 2026: Veterinarian Doctor Andrea answers pet questions. The turd that ruled the mosh pit. Everything you wanna know about public masturbations being everyone else's problem.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Thank you for listening right here from the damn get-go. Thank you for listening to the 93x Half-Ass Morning Show. You know the deal at SummerSlam Week. Here's your daily update. on what's going the F-On here in town. Today are the tryouts, Josh. Today's today for the Luchadors? No.

Luchadors last night. I thought that's what you said. There were tryouts for that. Maybe you were just suggesting that I could go into that branch of wrestling. They're calling it a W.W.E. prospect tryout. It says here, an exclusive location for the tryouts will be announced at one point or another. Maybe we don't know where to go yet. But today's the day for the tryouts, if anyone here is interested.

Well, I'm not so sure at 51 years old, I'm cut out for it. You want to talk about our days as budding trainees here on the local wrestling scene? It was one of the honors of my life, truly. It really was fun. To be trained by professionals, and I gained so much, not that I had disrespect, I loved wrestling. I mean, not like you did, but I certainly watched it as a kid with my uncles. I gained so much more respect because I thought,

But it would be a lot easier than it was. And I had no idea it would hurt. You know, that was kind of the rip on. It's like, oh, they're not really hurting each other. It's easy. But holy cow, that was difficult and painful. And we only learned the basics. And that mat.

And it wore us down pretty quickly. I thought the mat would feel like falling on a trampoline. But it's hard. I mean, that thing kind of hurts. We only learned to run the ropes. A couple of bumps. A couple of bumps here and there. A couple of holds.

Yep. and it was fun and we did learn a lot. It did give us a little more of a beating than we anticipated. And I think after about three or four nights, the folks who were training us, one of them being Eddie Sharkey, a local legend here, Eddie Sharkey, the other characters, Billy,

God dang it, what was his in-ring name at the time, Billy? Not Billy Gunn, was it? It was similar to that. Christ Almighty, I, Billy, Anyway, Eddie Sharkey and Billy were the two local wrestlers who took the time to train Josh and I

and a couple of other folks who just happened to be beginners at the same time. Oh, how many years ago was this? 25? Oh, at least, 25 years ago. Maybe we were early. Was it Billy Vanilli? It's killing me.

It might have been Billy Vanilli. Eddie and Billy were satisfied with how we had progressed through the first three or four sessions. And I remember, I think, after the fourth training, Josh and I were in the corner of the ring together. And I think, as we knew practice was coming to a close, I think I said to Josh, I said,

should we tell these some bitches we're not coming back? Yeah, we plateaued. And Josh said, yeah, I don't think we should. And so. Didn't want to waste their time. They weren't disappointed. I think they had probably seen that a million times. They'd probably seen a million guys.

come through and learn the basics and then realize, look, anything more than this is probably above my skill set. And so we happily parted ways, but it was really fun and interesting. It was one of the coolest things I've done. And if you, if you're someone who thinks, gosh, it's really, you guys are hamming it up. It's not that difficult. Give it a shot. I'd like to know what you think. Maybe we're just wimps, but it was way, way more difficult than I had anticipated. Yeah, Billy Blaze. Thank you. Rob Page. What does he know about wrestling? Local living legend,

former wrestling referee Rob Page. Thank you for reminding me. Billy Blaze was the name of the wrestler who helped. Also, Savage Beast Jesus knew who we were talking about. Is Rob Page coming in studio tomorrow? We think so. Oh, cool.

I've never met him. I'd like to meet him. You guys talk about him so much. Good dude. I mean, Dana, you say bad things about him. I do. He's a mark. Yeah, he is a mark.

I mean, there's no doubt about that. but does deny the fact that he's a good guy. Thank you for texting in both Savage Beast Jesus and referee Rob Page. Yeah, it was old Billy Blaze. Oh, and then also tonight, I'll get there in just a second. Our friends, yes, our friends at first, Rasslin are putting on a show at the Uptown VFW tonight. I've seen their... Oh, I'm sure that sold out a long time ago.

I've seen their operations over there at the Uptown VF three or four times. Oh, I'm sure they'll have a great crowd. So there you go. Your little SummerSlam update Saturday and Sunday They'll be putting on the show at the New Metrodome What parts of the country rival Minnesota As far as training and producing wrestlers I mean it seems like we have such a rich tradition

Certainly like Florida, Georgia Okay, so just some more southern Canada More southern I'm sorry, what? More southern? Yeah, more southern areas. Like Canada. Canada, Florida, Georgia,

Oh, the Carolinas, you know. sure the Carolinas. But hell yes. Up and down over and over again, we've had conversations on this show about how proud we are that Minnesota became this great launching pad for wrestling careers. I'm such a big fan of those folks. And some of the biggest names lived here for a while,

whether they were training or for whatever reason. There you go. There you frigging go. Yeah, there's a non-zero chance that my buddy's dad is Rick Flores. There's a what chance? A non-zero chance. There's a decent chance that my buddy's dad might be Rick Flair. The Nache.

Mm-hmm. Tell us the story behind this. His mom pointed out to him when he's a kid. He goes, oh, yeah, that's Rick Flair. I used to hang out with him a lot back in the day. And he kind of put it together one day when we were at the bar, because he doesn't really watch much wrestling. But we were talking about wrestling.

He goes, yeah, my mom used to hang out with Rick Flair back in the day before I was born. And then he kind of sat with that for a second, goes, wait a minute. Yeah. Yeah, nobody's just hung out with him. Yeah, that's cold. They've had sex with him. There's a good chance of Rick Flair might actually be my real father.

How does he feel? I'd be pretty stoked. Oh, yeah. I just thought it'd be hilarious of like they reconnected and went outside and had to catch one day, you know. Hey, dad, let's go outside and throw the ball around. The nature boy. Oh, man. All right.

There you go. What else is going on? Oh, later on this morning, our friend, doctor, Dr. Andrea Johnston, veterinarian friend, Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital will be popping by so we can have another, another little ask the vet session. It's always a good day when we get to talk about pets. And Andrea is such a fun person. She always has a good story. There's always something new and dramatic happening in her life. Yeah, she's always got something going on.

If you listen regularly to Dr. Andrea's segment, you know that to be true. I wish I could tell you different, but there's always something, insane happening in her personal life, so we'll find something out. I wonder why that is. You know, there's some people like that. I got a buddy like that where every time you see him, it's not a normal story where I always feel like a chump because he's like, what's new? I'm like, yeah, you know, it's kind of the same as the last time I saw you. And he has, like the dumbest things happen to him. Like what?

Well, like he's being, he'll be sued because he sold a cell phone, which somehow was used by a drug lord, you know, like they got involved. He's the guy that he urinated at 2 a.m. and it was close enough to a school that he almost had to register as a sex offender. Or he's driving someplace to go by a car and it breaks down in the middle of nowhere and he gets forced to join a cult. He has to survive by consuming his own feces. Yeah, there's always, always something between he and his family. Well, yeah, Dr. Andrews has had some interesting things happen here lately.

Here's a text from Not Slim, Kind of Shady Jesus. He says since this is a big wrestling week, can you tell us the story about how you kicked Jimmy Hart and the balls? Well, I was there. Yeah, one of the ultimate honors in my life was getting the chance to get into the ring, a WCW ring, 27, 8 years ago, getting into the ring with Jimmy Hart and Gregory Helms was the other rassler involved who went on to fame and fortune,

if you want to call it that in the WWE as the Hurricane. Hurricane Helms. Greg Hurricane Helms. There was a little blonde character in the mix. I think his name was Shannon Moore. You have memories of Shannon Moore at all? Not really. A little blonde guy.

He did a lot of backflips and whatnot. Sweet. The other real thrill was the original plan. was that Jeff Jarrett was going to be involved in the match. Old J-E-E-E-W-F, J-A-A-W-R-E-T. Yeah, did you watch the documentary yet? I have not watched it yet, no. Jeff Jarrett originally was going to get into the ring with his guitar

and maybe gimmick me over the head with the guitar. Those plans went into the garbage. Now, that would have been, I would have been inconsolable had I been gifted the opportunity, Josh, to take a guitar shot from Jeff Jarrett. That didn't happen. I was looking forward to telling you what happened after you recovered from your concussion you would have likely got.

Explain it in detail. In the end, it was kind of a sloppy match. The ex-girls were involved. The ex-girls at the time we had the 93X girls. I'm trying to remember the details, but it was like, Jimmy Hart gets into the ring. And of course, we planned all this beforehand. And Jimmy was such a wonderful guy.

I mean, I can barely talk about it. I remember you're saying just talking to him on the phone. He was such a nice guy. Thrill of a lifetime. He was such a sweet guy. And I had a second opportunity to hang out with him also a few years later, but that doesn't need to, we don't need to get into that. If I remember right, you know, Jimmy is talking trash on the microphone about how Minnesota sucks.

And then I get in there and I, you know, of course, I'm defending our territory. And we kind of, I think I dump a clothesline on them. I did not hit him in the balls. It was one of our ex-girls who gave them the gimmick up from behind. You know how they do it on television rassling? Yep. And he goes down. then I think I just dumped a couple elbows on them.

So I never got to make contact with Jimmy Hart's genitalia. It was a... I remember it as the ex-girl, yeah. Yeah. And didn't one of them have a folding chair or maybe I'm mixing that up with another time? If there was a chair in the mix, Josh, I don't remember because it was just like a, it was almost like a dream. Everything kind of happened so fast and I was so excited to be involved.

But I think we executed it all fairly well, considering 80% of the same. of the people in the ring for that spot, 80% of us were total amateurs who had no idea what we were doing. Jimmy had a lot of balls and the WCW folks had a lot of balls for inviting us. It was a house show. It wasn't on television, but still, to trust all of us to pull something off there, I give them a lot of credit for going through with it. At the same time, in parentheses, you could say they were totally desperate for anything to happen at that point because WCW was crumbling to the ground at that point. But yes, thank you for asking. Thank you for asking, the experience I had with Jimmy Hart was beautiful.

Oh, this is cute. Yeah. You picked him up, you dropped him. Jesus said, let me guess, Jimmy insulted the Polads and you had to stand up for them. Yeah, they're your prolads. There was some Polad material in there. Yeah, a couple people are texting in. They remember Shannon Moore.

So there you go. There you go. I would have loved to have had an encounter with Jeff Jarrett. didn't happen, but you can't, I shouldn't have asked for, you know, too much. I was just lucky to be there. What else is going on around here? But you're right, though, would be cool to be on the other end of a signature move from a wrestler. Sure.

Absolutely. You know, I got in the ring a few other times at First Avenue, again, the early days of the first wrestling movement. I was able to get in the ring with Ken Anderson. Oh, God. Guys like there was a wrestler back in the day called the Hater. Hater. He taught me a lot in the one night he and I got. Was this WCW2?

No, sorry. First wrestling. Like I said, the early days of first wrestling. The Hater was one of the guys. Lenny Lane. I wish I could remember all these folks because it was a lot of fun. What would be your dream? you be the victim of somebody's move, right there, signature move.

Like, I don't think I could survive an F5 from Brock Lesnar. I die there. I got a lot of answers there, Josh, because, you know, my whole life I've loved television wrestling. I mean, elbow drop from the top rope. Macho Man, Randy Savage, sticks one right in my chest. You know, that would be a dream scenario. Stone Cold Stunner? Sure, Stunner.

We could go on and on. But maybe the one that would be the ultimate would be Flair, locking me into the figure four. You know, I'm just screaming in pain, and he leans forward and gives me a whew! Right in the, you know, he's got me locked into the figure four. That probably would be it. I wouldn't mind getting taken out by Santino Morellas Cobra.

Oh, you wouldn't survive that though, Josh. Well, I want to live through it so I can just enjoy the memory. Well, speaking of living through it, I had the opportunity to hang out with John Cena one night, and we did some serious drinking. And I asked him, I said, will you give me an FU? It's now called the attitude to Jocelyn because they had to soften for children. But at the time, it was finishing what was called the FU. And we were in Rochester, Minnesota, and it was snowing.

It was like January. I said, can you give me an FU out in the snowbank? And he goes, no, I can't do that. I go, oh, come on, yeah, you can. And he goes, no, I'm strong enough, and I've had enough to drink that I could accidentally kill you. And we don't need that right now. We don't need that kind of press. I go, fair enough.

He doesn't need that lawsuit. Yeah, you know, he goes, I don't need that, you don't need that. Vince doesn't need that. Referring to Vince McMahon at the time who was in charge of the company, I thought that was funny. We got one listener who knows the time and location of these WWE tryouts today. He says they're from 8 a.m. to noon. Jesus, you better get ready.

8 a.m. to noon athletes are expected to show up at Josh's mother's bedroom. Goddard! You reeled me in with that, whoever texts that. All right. Good question, though, like a dream scenario. A lot of, I've had a lot of favorites over the years. But probably Flair locking me into that figure four and then giving me a woo as I writh in pain. Turkey Bud McGee brought up, you don't want the Rikishi stink face?

Oh, gosh. No. No, but maybe from Trish Stratis or Kelly Kelly, sure. then I'll take the Rikishi stink face. Good question from Not Some Kind of Shady Jesus. I'm not calling you a liar, Dana, but he's got a good point. How could you possibly hang out with John Cena when you can't see him?

That's a good point, yeah. It was actually just me sitting next to an empty bar stool pretending as like an imaginary friend. Aunt Deeder Jesus has a good question to your, Josh, your dream wrestling, finishing move scenario. 3D through a table. that would be awesome. Who does the 3D? The Dudley Boys. Aunt Deeder Jesus would take that 3D.

What a great move. What a crowd-pleasing move that was for so many years. It hits every time. Yeah, going through a table might be kind of cool. Someone wants to hear the story of the dildos upstairs. God dang it. Those were the old first wrestling days. Again, the early days of,

local wrestling at First Avenue where there was, I don't know, some nights there were a hundred people there, but most nights there were about 20. And it was just a riot, just a riot. Okay, I'll get through it real quick. Thank you, High Hopes McGee, for texting in one particular night at First Wrestling at First Avenue. Light crowd. The MC, Toby Keith, we called him. He gets on them because he looked like the country singer.

Toby Keith, and he was terrible on the mic, he said, hey, come intermission, folks, go on upstairs here at First Avenue and meet the girls from Sex World. And we all looked up to the balcony, and there was eight or ten hot little numbers sitting around a table, and they had sex toys everywhere. And they're waving. And we're like, oh, Christ, it really is the girls from Sex World. and Toby Keith, the ring announcer, says,

I'm sure our guy Rob Page was there for this. I'm sure he remembers this. Toby Keith says, go on up there at intermission and maybe spend a few bucks, buy a product from the gals at Sex World. And again, they had a table full of toys. So at intermission, a few of us did go up there, and it was a lot of fun,

whatever it added to what was kind of a light night that evening. Of course, you know, the number one, reason why we showed up at those events. Of course we loved wrestling and we wanted to support the local characters, but the heckling was brutal, merciless. That's what we love was the heckling back and forth. So the first match after the intermission was not going well. These were two rookies. Because you got to do it at one point or another, Josh. You got to push the new people out there and give them a little experience. That's the only way they're going to get better. So it usually was the first of the night and the first match after intermission where they'd push the newbies out there

just to give them a little experience. So the opening match after intermission was terrible. It was going nowhere, total silence in the room. And one of my buddies says this, I thought I had to go upstairs to see the dildos. That's a good line. All timer. All effing timer. There's so much fun to be had at a wrestling show. Part of the reason why I don't take a great interest in these massive stadium shows like what we're getting this weekend at SummerSlam is there's so many people there and it's so loud you really don't have any chance to heckle. Yeah, that's a very good point.

They can't hear anything that you're saying. That's why house shows are the best. House shows have always been the best because you can actually get on the nerves and get under the skin of the people who are in the ring. When I was younger, I didn't like house shows because I like the storylines progressing. and I like those live TV and stuff. I was so into that. But then as I got into my late teens and early 20s,

I realized house shows are where it's at. Oh, yeah. 100%. Now I'm thinking back to all the terrible things we said to wrestlers at house shows. Some of it wasn't nice, Josh. Yeah, I bet not. Some of it was not nice. I'm sure they're used to it.

Oh, they absolutely. And they've probably heard worse. Most of them, it's like an NHL referee. You know, back in the day, we used to hang over the glass at Met Center. and try to make the referees cry. We were just mean little bastards, right? Most of them could take it. Oh, we were kids.

I would feel bad. Like, I can't watch stuff like that. I would feel way too much of an empath. Secondhand empathy. Yeah. I'd be like, stop ain't mean. It was interesting to watch because most of these guys could take it. Because like Josh said, they've heard it all.

And what? You can't take a little BS from a 15-year-old hanging over the glass? I mean, come on, right? But some of them were a little more sensitive than others, and the same goes for heckling at a wrestling show. Most of them, they're not bothered. Some of them, though, a little more thin skin than you'd imagine. I suppose for some of them it might just be,

they've heard it so much they just can't do it anymore. They weren't thin skin, but it's like, okay, I got to, at some point, stand up for myself. Or just like, come up with something new already. I've heard this a million times. Dude, one of my pals had like a long-running, rivalry going with a timekeeper that worked for the WWF back in the day. The guy who keeps the time figuratively, I don't think they legitimately do anymore,

but they used to actually keep the time of the, but he's the guy who also runs the bell. That's what he does. He runs the bell. And so many years in a row, we had these terrific first row or second row seats, right? So, and I give my buddy all the credit in the world. he didn't show up to give Hulk Hogan grief. He didn't show up to give the rock grief or Stone Cold or Mick Foley. He's going after the timekeeper. I mean, how unique an approach is that, right?

You got to give him his props for that. So he attacked this guy, the timekeeper guy, over and over and over again. And the guy took it fairly well, but every once in a while he'd turn and give a dirty look. The line that finally broke the timekeeper guy. And you'd probably know him if you saw him, Dana. I bet you would. I bet you would, yeah. Because he also did a little bit of ring announcing.

But anyway, the line that finally broke the timekeeper guy where he thought, okay, that's too disrespectful, was my pal at the end of the show, the show's over. People are filing out, right? My buddy walks up to the timekeeper guy and goes, hey, it's probably about time you get up there and break down that ring, huh? Which is what they, that's the job for the 16 and 17-year-olds, right? To break down the ring.

And that's when the timekeeper guy said, you know, I don't come to your workplace at McDonald's and give you a hard time. The timekeeper guy had to be a target for about six years in a row. And the timekeeper is probably barely above ring level crew, you know. That's why that line bothered him. Exactly. Because he's probably doing that six months ago. Why you probably got to get out there and start breaking that ring down, huh? We were mean, Josh.

Yeah, it sounds that way. You said that. I hope you still think highly of me. Of course. Well, you know, it's funny you mentioned it because right before you said that, I was going to say, well, you guys probably weren't mean-spirited. You were trying to be funny. And the next thing you said is we're trying to make adults cry.

We were mean. Well, come on. NHL referees, any referee, NBA referees, those you can still get some access to. Impossible at an NFL game these days. him pretty tough to do in Major League Baseball. Still easy to do in wrestling if you get that house show or that small local show. So there you go. Oh, man.

Yeah, we had some chance and everything. Josh, I suppose that's about it for our opening break. Looks like time's up. Too bad that timekeeper's not here. He could tell us that and go clean up the ring afterwards. Ashley's probably pretty pissed over there because, I don't know, a good four five days ago. We tease the idea of having a conversation about

summer wean and we still haven't gotten there. I was thinking about that the other day. I have the summer wean information in front of me. Why don't we do tomorrow? It's the 31st tomorrow. I keep putting the summer wean information in front of me and then we get to talking about things like wrestling

and it just falls by the wayside. We'll get to it. The time will come. It will. It doesn't feel right. It's worth the wait. Let's take a breaky break. Let's do this and that. We come back.

We'll hit up the stupid news report here on the Half-Ass Morning Show. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time.

Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bealchi. Thealkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Scrolling with Haley, join Haley Caronea as she scrolls through the biggest headlines. If you haven't watched this show before, we do blind reactions. I have not seen these videos, so I am seeing them for the first time with all of you. We're going to implement the tinfoil hat time segments and all the stuff you know and love. And I'm going to finish the show and answer some of your questions. Someone asked me, what made you get into podcasting? And I was producing podcast for other people.

And I was like, I could do this for myself. And here I am. Scrolling with Haley, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. All right, folks. Appreciate you hanging in there with us. SummerSlam week, you know. We've been talking up and down about television wrestling all week.

Saturday and Sunday. SummerSlam. puts on their little program, well, the WWE puts on their little SummerSlam program, Saturday and Sunday, events going on all week. Josh brought up a fun question for everybody, and all of y'all. He was curious if you're a wrestling fan, maybe you have that dream situation where you are put away in the ring by one of your favorite wrestlers and their terrific finishing moves.

So Josh said, which wrestler? would it be that you'd want to dump you on that stack of dimes you call the neck? Which wrestler would it be and what finishing move? I said, I'd like Flair to dump me into that figure four. Leglock, this and that. Some listeners have texted in to answer your question, Josh. One listener said he would just break down and cry if he could get taken out by mankind's mandible claw.

Not Sacco? He wants the claw? Oh, I forgot about Sacco. Sacco is the mandible claw. Well, the first the mandible claw was just some cloth he added around his fingers, and then Sokow became a whole different thing. Right. Right. More of the same. He has your fingers in your mouth. He didn't mention Sokow in particular, but he probably was picturing, Sokow when he brought up the mandible claw.

Choke slammed by Kane. Swanton Bomb from Jeff Hardy. That would be cool. It's a beautiful move. It is. Which one do you think would be the most painful out of all the finishing moves? Or signature moves, maybe I should say. Painful, I don't know about painful, but dangerous.

I mean, a lot of these high flying type finishing moves, I mean, my God, some of this top rope, Canadian destroyer. I don't even know the names of some of these flipping finishing moves where, I mean, I don't know how guys don't get their necks broken every effing time. So because I can't come up with the names for these moves, Josh, one that I can remember, I've always wondered how in the hell guys didn't end up paralyzed would be the tombstone pile driver made famous by the undertaker. Oh, shoot, yeah. How do you not break a neck? But Dana knows some of these flipping neck breaking, I don't even know what they're called.

Right, it all happened so fast you're like, wait, I got to slow down and rewind then watching slow motion. What just happened? It's incredible and a credit to the athletic ability that these folks possess that folks aren't going to the hospital every night. But the tombstone, you're just getting dumped straight on the top of your head. Sweet chin music, cubby.

I love you. I'm sorry. And then you just give them the sweet chin. The worm from Scotty too hotty. Scotty too hottie. More than a few people are bringing up something that Josh already came up with a few minutes ago, the stink face. Yes, plenty of people are naming.

The stink face. So gross. It was tough to watch at times. Absolutely. It really was. What about a Bronco busser from Xbox? Yeah. Are we going to go ahead and pick on that move like everyone else does?

Oh, I thought it was cool. Oh, really? Yeah. I've always heard people say that they more or less thought that was their least favorite move ever. Oh, really? I thought it was fun. Oh, I was not a fan. Oh, okay.

But I don't. We used to have Xbox in here quite a bit. Yeah, he's a fun guy. All right, there you go. A lot of wrestling fans texting in. It's fun. It's a fun week here. All right, let's cut loose with the stupid news report.

And what do I have here? Oh, yeah. As David Lee Roth said in the Van Halen single Ice Cream Man, and we talked about that song yesterday a little bit, as Dave said in the song, we're going to dedicate one to the ladies. So you gals out there. Does your man or your woman do they really love you?

Ashley, does your man really love you? Yeah, I think so. Does he tell you that he loves you? Yeah. All right, here's a question that takes it to an even higher level. Not just for you, Ashley, but anyone in our listening audience. Does your significant other love you so much that they would tell you while they're being arrested for drug traffic? I think so. I wouldn't have been able to answer this question except a couple nights ago.

My wife and I watched some documentary on Netflix about this lady who was accused of stalking, and it was nuts. This whole situation, and it kept getting worse and worse and worse. I guess instead of worse, I should say, stranger and stranger and just insane. And I had asked my wife if she loved me enough to stalk me if we broke up and I got into a new relationship. She did have to think about it a little bit. And she does love me. to stalk me and make the new woman's life miserable. Yeah. I knew like, wow, we could stay together for a lot longer.

And that's nice to hear. That's an ego boost for you. It really is. I didn't think she did. The first day that I saw you and your now wife together, I said to myself, he's never going to be able to shake this one. Well, I don't refer to it that way. I was honored.

I could tell right away she was going to become a problem. I thought she would. Not only for you, but for both of us. So far, she's been pretty good. But she said she would stalk me and make the next woman's life miserable. Every breath you take, every move you make. Yeah, that type of thing. Right.

In the awful far southeastern part of the United States, a 29-year-old guy named Donnie. And you damn right, his name is. Legitimately. Donnie. Perfect. He was pulled over by the police. and he tried to make a run for it. Donnie took to racing into the woods.

He did. Ooh, fun. The cops unleashed the canine officers to put the bite down on Donnie's sorry ass, and they got him. Can't imagine. I've heard that just putting the bite suit on still hurts. Remember, we all wrestled a canine.

Well, I shouldn't say wrestled, but played tug-of-war with a canine. And that thing was the strong. strongest dog I'd ever know. That was such a cool night. At my house. Yeah, I love that. Oh, I thought. That dog was so strong. Yeah. That'll knock you on your ass. That was so cool. You love to do all kinds of dorky things related to local law enforcement. Dorky. You've, you've taken that way. You've taken a taser shot a couple of times. They maced you. You were a member of the prior lake. Don't tell me. this is the worst of it all.

You were a member of the Prior Lake Citizens Academy. That's right. Right. And I was the youngest person by about 40 years. Did you ever put on the bite suit and let the dogs... I volunteered a couple times. Shoe your arm out of the socket? No, I haven't.

You volunteered, but your turn never came up or what? No, so there was a couple times where I thought it might happen. But they were concerned because they're like, hey, you know, it does really hurt. And we don't want all of a sudden your face to get bit off. I'd imagine that could be trouble. Oh, well, thank you. I would like to keep my face as well. I'm glad they thought of that.

It's my least attractive feature, my face, but they were still kind enough to protect it. But yeah, you guys remember, we're playing tug-of-war that thing, and it was nuts. Strong. Immovable object. Yeah. They are strong animals, those police dogs.

So again, here's Donnie. He gets pulled over. He runs. Into the woods. The cops unleashed the canines. and they got him. When the dogs found Donnie, he was tucked under a bush

or something stupid like that. And when the human cops caught up and found Donnie sitting there, he was also on the telephone with his girl. He was on the phone with his lady. And if you watch the body cam footage or just simply hear the audio,

you can hear Donnie shouting into the telephone. I love you, Bay. Hey, I love you, Bay. Hey, I love you, babe. Turn on your stomach. Get off your phone. Love you. Get off your phone.

And people say romance is dead. Not love you, love you. I thought Bay was dead. I thought that was very short-lived. I'm glad it's still around. That's one of my least favorite little gimmicks. And the list is long. A lot of the hip little catchphrase.

and what instantly aggravate the piss out of me. I guess it's a sign of getting old. But that's one of my least favorite is that whole bay garbage. I'm very glad that it's not every day that we hear it. Although I did find Salt Bay quite intoxicating. Tell me about Salt Bay. Salt Bay? Is that the correct? That's what he's called, right? Is that the chef that sprinkles the salt?

Yeah. With such flair that it's erotic. He does do a good job at it. Salt Bay. I heard it doesn't taste good. I don't know this. No, like the meat to like the result of it. Oh, I didn't even know what he was making.

I just saw him sprinkle that salt. Am I missing out, Josh? I'm not familiar with Salt Bay. Is this something I need to look into personally? I mean, no. Not necessarily. It was just kind of a funny thing for a while. Salt Bay.

That's the first time I'd ever heard that term. So how cute is Donnie here that he's got canine cops chewing on his ankles? And the two-legged cops are fitting them for irons. and he made the time, made the room, however you want to say it, to call his lady and tell her that he loves her. Because he knew he was going back to prison. He's done two stints already. And he knew what he was up against in the moment.

It says here, Donnie was dragging a backpack along with him. And he had, oh, let's see what Donnie had in his backpack. A loaded handgun And Meth rocks And fentanyl rocks To hold the trackback Yeah

I thought I knew we should wait Crack rocks What a lucky girl she is Donnie's girlfriend He's got a party in a backpack And he loves her Would that warm your heart

Ashley if your husband As he's being arrested and probably going to do some decent jail time if he just wanted to make sure to take time out to tell you how much he loved you? No, that would not help. No. Josh! Screw you.

A listener has texted in, back to wrestling. A listener has texted in with your mother's finishing move. Would you like to hear it? All right, just, yes, let me look. Let me answer the question for you. No, you do not want to hear it. I'm going to block this person. Block them. What they say? Can you say it?

Nope. No, it's horrific. Oh, you saw it? Yeah, I saw it. Give me the last four of the number. I'm going to block them. The last four numbers? Yeah. Or is there a Jesus name on here? I'll give me the whole number. He deserves it.

Is there a Jesus name? We're going to get rid of this guy. Blue Balls Jesus. Blocked. He called out. He knows what your mother's wrestling finishing move. Sorry, we're going to toggle back and forth and talk about wrestling a lot in the last couple days of the week here. It's a summer slam week.

That is not true. And that's never happened. What do you mean? You read the text? Yeah, I'm reading it. Blocked. All right, fine. We're going to go ahead and block you, Blue Balls, Jesus.

We'll look into letting you back into the mix maybe tomorrow morning. Crox with Sox, Jesus said when he was a kid, he was terrified of his Egan cop uncle's police German Shepherd. He never showed any aggression. And my uncle told me he was okay. But I wasn't convinced. I know somebody who got worked pretty good by a police. dog in a police dog accident.

Oh, it was an accident? Yeah. Oh, that sucks. Messing around and then the dog just got too excited and took out part of his face. Yeah, I would never mess with a, honestly, just German shepherds in general. They're so protective. A random dog or a police dog? A police dog. So his buddy, his best friend, his police officer, and he knew the dog well, you know,

and the dog was playful and just got a little hyped up and accidentally bit him on the face. And, you know, it's trained to bite, so it did a pretty good job tearing off part of his face. Which was an improvement? You don't have to be a police dog to rip a kid's face off. Sometimes you can be a weiner dog. You're exactly right. And you can bite a five-year-old girl's face right off. Oh, that's crazy.

Yeah. We both know someone that happened to. All types of dogs. My dog tried to kill Josh's stepdaughter. I had a Britney Spaniel. Bite my lower lip off. That sounds terrible. It was quite a few years ago.

I was actually... Did you deserve it? No, no. No, no, no, I was completely innocent. You never know, you know, some people, and mess them with the dog or something. Well, no, I was not the type of kid to mess with the dog. I was probably six.

And again, sorry if you've heard this a billion times, but we were at a family friend's house and they had this Brittany Spaniel. Nice dog. We were all sitting around watching a Vikings game. I remember that much. And the older kid in the mix, it was his dog. He knew that if he kind of kicked the dog in the ass a little bit,

like kind of just a little kicky kick in the ass, that the dog was aggravated by that. So the dog is sitting and facing me. The older kid thought it would be cute to kick the dog in the ass a little bit because when you would do that to the dog, it would grit his teeth. It would be upset by that, right? Yep. So all the older kid was trying to do was scare me. So here I am the little six-year-old watching the ball game. The dog is looking at me and he thought it would be funny if he kicked the dog in the ass and the dog grit its teeth and I would scream and run away. Well, the dog thought I was the one kicking it in its ass and it decided not to just grit its teeth. It decided to bite my lower lip off. So it was a prank gone wrong is what happened

there. We could recreate that moment for you if you plan on attending my son's first birthday because we have a dog that does not like that either. Like if you sit by its butt, it'll like get up really fast and kind of yeah, grit its teeth let out a little growl. So we can like recreate that if you want to. Well, here's the deal. The good news for me is I'm not planning on coming anywhere near your kid's first birthday party. I don't like it. I would be kind of shocked if you showed up.

But I cried when I got invited. However. I love you. How many days off am I looking at if your dog bites my lower lip-off? At least a week. At least a week. Oh, yeah. There could be a lawsuit involved.

Yeah, make out pretty well. Hell, I'll bring the cake. You a fart, Jesus said he went to Salt Bay's restaurant in Vegas. Iwa, Iva fart, Jesus. That is beautiful. He went where? He went to Salt Bay's restaurant in Vegas a couple years ago, and he said it was one of the best stakes he'd ever had. He came to our table, and he did the salt bit.

He's got to come and do the salt bit. How disappointing would it be if he didn't do the salt bit? I wonder how burnt out he is on that. I've practiced it at home, and I'm not very good at it. I make quite a mess. Quite a mess. All right, here's this now. down in Texas in a town called Woodlands.

Okay, the fire department down there says they get telephone calls every summer from folks who say, speaking to dogs here, the fire department in Woodlands, Texas, they get telephone calls up and down every summer from folks that say it sounds like they are hearing barking dogs coming from storm drains in town. that dogs have fallen into the storm drain somehow and they're barking for help. But that ain't what they're hearing. Dana Ashley, let's play the guessing game. The fire department says it's not barking dogs making that racket down there in the storm drains.

What is it? And I'll give you a hint. Before you answer, I'll give you a hint. What noise are people really hearing? I'll give you a hint. The correct answer rhymes with barking. barking dogs. It rhymes with barking dogs.

Farting dogs? Dana's terrible guess is farting. You're correct. Dogs and dogs do. Dogs and dogs do rhyme. Technically, yes. Something logs? I don't know. I'm having trouble thinking of things that rhyme.

Falling walks? It's frogs. We'll give you credit I'm over here I'm effing at her I'm effing at her when she went She put the F on the first word

instead of the second word She got there How do you put the F on the first word Instead of the second word The answer It's not barking dogs down there In the storm drains It's humping frogs

Oh the horny frogs They do sound insane My parents have a pond in their backyard Does it sound like you've heard the barking? Yeah. This shocked me. Hopefully this isn't too our dear. Oh my gosh.

Sounds just like a dog. Now this is especially common in July. Down there in Woodlands, Texas. That's when frogs in that neighborhood, they fold each other in half. Also, it typically happens after a lot of rain. Frogs love to eff in the rain. Frogs don't like to do it. who does

so the frogs are down in the storm drain they have unprotected sex and make this sound that is similar to a barking dog one of the dopy firemen down there said inside the sewer system you get that amplification down there and yes

frog sex does sound just like a barking dog can we hear it one more time why why is it so limited did the rest of the audio just sucked yeah that was That's about as good as it gets. Right. They had like two parts where they played the audio and that's all it is. So that's just here it is all it wants.

Yeah, now that you hear it a couple times. Yeah, I can see why you would think that's a dog. So because the telephone calls are so common, people calling 911 saying over and over again. Oh, what the hell? Oh, it's my orgasm. This is a frog having sex. That's snake dog. That last push right there?

There was really nothing there. Yeah, that's probably why I kind of, it sounds like it almost hurt more than pleasurable at that point. So because the telephone calls are so common, the 911 operators down there, they usually tell folks to walk on over to the storm drain and perform this simple test. They say, go on over and bark at them.

If they bark back, they are frogs. No way. No way what? That's so cool. Oh, you like the sound of that little gimmick? Yeah. Oh, I gotta be honest with you. I didn't have high hopes that that information would thrill anybody.

Oh, I can find it thrilling? That's not. How can you be sure that a dog won't bark back at you? I don't know. First time for everything. I was wrong. I didn't think anyone would take interest in that at all. That's not going to look crazy at all.

And it sounds like I grabbed each and every damn last one of you. Rip, rip, rip. That's a frog pleasure right there. We're just walking down the street. You see somebody crouched by a storm dream. I think the next time anyone copulates, they should bark like a frog. Bark like a frog for me. Just show the other person.

I'm really enjoying this. This is some real good stuff. That's terrifying. You wore green so you could hide. What movie Caddy Shack? All right, here's the worst thing you'll hear all day. I guarantee it. Put my stamp on it.

If I'm wrong, well then F me. But this will be the worst thing you'll hear all day. Over there in New Zealand, there's a metal band over there. What do they call themselves? Devil's skin. Oh, no. That's scary. Devil's skin?

Yeah. Now, forgive me. I don't know if they've made their way over here to the States yet. I've never heard of them. I apologize to devil skin fans. If that's your favorite act, I'm unfamiliar. Let me see if we even plan here. Okay.

Here's the deal. The devil skin act was putting on a lie. show over there in New Zealand, big crowd. Everyone's enjoying themselves. Unfortunately, the devil-skin show turned out to be one of the worst things that's ever happened since the dawn of time. Word is, the nightmare began in the mosh pit.

Folks who were there and moshing and lived to tell the story, they say that up and out of nowhere's, a middle-aged concert goer. They call them middle age. A middle age concert goer in the mosh pit, quote, shook a log down the leg of their pants

and on down to the floor. Okay. This isn't the first time I've heard about this in like the last couple weeks. Oh, pooping in a concert? Yeah. This just happened at, oh, shoot, maybe it was like Ariana Grande. I can't remember. Some pop star. We're going to get there. We're going to

I might be able to help you with that answer here in a minute. I might be able to. I think you can. What did I say now? Okay. So those in the mosh pit said some 40-year-old, middle-aged, some bitch, shook a turd down the leg of his pants and down onto the floor. One unlucky bastard who was in the pit said, it was huge.

Probably one of those things they've been waiting for for a few days. Holding on to it. It was like massive. I haven't seen one that big before. What? I thought it was someone's shoe. It was so big, it was unbelievable. That same dude went on to say, you know, it's a mosh pit.

There was a lot of jumping. Eventually, we looked down and noticed that the giant heavy metal turd log had been stepped on and smashed and smeared and spread all over the floor. Now here's more from this brave gentleman. There was

this thick brown human poo on everyone's feet. Women were wearing shorts, shorts and skirts and had the sh all up their legs and stuff. Go. Uh-uh. And then, he says, do you want to hear the end then? It's kind of too late now.

I got to keep going. Yeah, if you say it, you got to go. All right, you want to hear the end then? Yeah. You already know so much. And then he says, one girl saw what she was dancing in, and she went, Blah, she vomited, and then everyone else started vomiting. It's like a King Diamond show.

all of a sudden. Oh, God. Don't ever bring me to a King Diamond show. I'll cry and I'll run away. A feather called Doug Stewart, the bassist from the opening band. He saw it all. He's quoted here too. He said, it was like a scene from a B-grade horror movie.

This strong aroma wafted over the audience. The crowd parted like Moses parting the brown sea. Word quickly spread through the crowd as everyone realized what it was. It was at that point I started to see people throwing up everywhere's. I feel bad if there are any new employees at that music venue. Oh my God. You're talking about the new guy?

Yeah. The show was shut down. They had to stop the concert. Good. Good. That was the right call. You take a dump so bad it causes a concert to shut down. It's all over everyone's feet, everyone's legs, the smell. You're mixing the smell of the giant shoe-sized turd now with multiple piles of vomit.

Just add this another reason to the list why I don't do mosh pits. Apparently, the risk of poop, I guess. The concert took up again where they left off after some unfortunate cleaning crew wiped the floor of human feces and stomach chunks. I'm going home. The sick inconsiderate son of a bitch who took a $5 foot long

down his pant leg for everyone to dance on, was thrown out of the joint. Oh, they know who it was? They figured out who it was. Oh, no, that guy needs to get his ass beat. They said he wasn't arrested or anything. They just told him to leave. Must have been an accident. Uh-uh.

I don't care. That couldn't have been an accident. You think he did it on purpose? I'm beating you up. Oh, yeah, he did it on purpose. Why do you think that? Because if it was like a greasy diarrhea type thing, that screams accident to me. True.

A big fat shoe size. You got a try. Well, the guy said when he saw it, it was all smushed up. So I wonder if it was like, you know, it could be one of those things where he's like, oh, my God, it's coming. And he just pulled his pants down so he didn't go in his pants. If you're moving around and I'd like to think somebody didn't on purpose go out there and save a poop. I could totally see that being an accident.

I think they just didn't want to leave where they were. I'm saying this guy. They're probably closer to the front being in a mosh pit. I'm saying this guy's a dangerous lunatic and he did it on purpose. Yeah. So, as Ashley was saying, apparently, this is all brand new. information to me. Apparently, there have been similar issues happening at live concerts lately. I think I understand this. It says here there's a group of people out there somewhere

who are pushing for some kind of rule or law that would force concert goers to wear adult diapers. Yeah, one of the artists, Noah Khan, is that how he pronounced his name? I have no idea, but I love him. I've just seen, oh, you're familiar? Yeah, I listen to his music like crazy. Yeah, he's one of the guys that said that. The story here talks about other, obviously mentally ill morons who have just up and dropped wolf bait right there on the main dance floor at a concert like a friggin animal. Oh my God. Maybe this is what you're looking for, Ashley.

Last month, someone called Olivia Rodriguez mentioned that she had smelled poo coming from the hardcore fans in the front row. Oh, they've probably been there all day waiting line to get their elbows on the stage. Yep. So I, this is a total disaster. This can't be happening. We can't have people taking a deuce. I mean, a piss.

I can live with that. If I'm, Josh, Iron Maiden, you and I somehow get tickets to go see Iron Maiden in Brazil or something for 500,000 people. You know how that scene is, right? Yeah, it's like a million people there. Once you walk in there, you've got no chance to go anywhere at those big soccer stadium Iron Maiden concerts. Someone wants to take a piss on the floor because they can't hold it. I can live with that. But a big old, come on, we can't do that.

You have to be airlifted out of there somehow. I mean, how do you, I guess, yeah, making it a punishment, but how do you stop people from doing this? I'll tell you what, at that mega death show at Myth, a few years, several years ago now, if you had to go number two, you're going in your pants. You couldn't move. I mean, it was impossible to get anywhere. There's so many folks in there to see one of the best bands of all time.

I wonder if you started yelling about the fact that you have to go number two. Maybe people would move. I don't know, man. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. It was tough to get people to move at that show. Maybe. All right. So good luck to you folks who love to go to these massive concerts. Medical Device Jesus said he goes to many, many shows, and there's a fart spray thing going on. It's a trend. He said as of last year or so, everybody's spraying fart spray.

We had our run at the fart spray gimmick, but that was when we were junior high kids. Anyway, recently it says here there was a Morgan Wallen concert where a dude allegedly took a piss all over some folks. He refused to leave his seat to take a piss. Wait, that guy got in trouble. Remember we talked about that? I don't. It was like a kid involved, wasn't it? Yeah, like the niece, the guy's niece got peed on. That ain't right.

Ginger Forklift driver, Jesus said his buddy works at a venue for the setup company. You know, they set up all the speakers, lights, pyro, that kind of thing. and he said his friend told them that people all the time in the front will wear diapers so they don't lose their spot. I'd never, ever, ever. There's nobody in the freaking world that I care enough to see to put on a diaper to go to a concert. Yeah, that's lunacy. I've never lived in that world. I mean, it would still reek pretty bad, I'd imagine.

Oh, yeah. Nobody's getting it on their feet or anything. It's not an odor blocker. How can you stand there as a grown person? with feces in your pants and you got two and a half hours of concert remaining. I couldn't do it. How do you do that? Yeah, I couldn't do it.

I'm glad I drink beer and stuff because this would never be a situation I would ever find myself in because I got to leave where I am anyway to go get more booze. So I'm never like in one spot when I go to concerts. I don't stay somewhere for very long. Well, the general admission situation you're talking about. Yeah. Like just stop it. Stop it right now.

You go get a drink. You come back. Of course, the crowd is shifted. you got to find a new place to... Yeah. 651 or to 715, Jesus, who's about to be blocked here in just a second, said, this is why he only goes to White Lion concerts.

Plenty of room to move around. A lot of open space. I love him. That is a beautiful thing, isn't it, Josh? When you go to a concert and you look around and go, okay, cool, it's not sold out. Dude, when I... For me personally... I'm with you on that.

I love that. I mean, we're talking about GA-type stuff. Of course, you have your own assigned seat. That's one. but like the general mission type situation and on the way to the show you're thinking oh god it's gonna be nuts to box i'm gonna sweat my balls off there's gonna be idiots crashing into me all night long when you walk in it's not even near a sellout and you go oh wow this is great one of the best moments i ever had was i don't even remember what venue it was it was at like this bar hinder

was playing and i went to go see them and there was nobody it was so incredible i mean it filled in a little bit later, but like I was there at probably, I don't know, like 15 minutes before showtime and I could just like casually walk up to the stage and just stay in the front. It feels like they're doing a show just for you. It was awesome. White Lion is good for that, aren't they, Josh?

Yeah. I'm fine with it. Just a show for you and it's more of a clinic than a show. 10, 12 other people. This is how good a band could be. I was watching videos yesterday of the new venue and the Mystic Lake Amphitheater. Word. Kind of wanted to see what it looked like when a show was going on and wow, is it cool? you know, and I watched quite a few different artists because I didn't, just because of the different angles, right, where people's seats were.

And I noticed a couple of things, Good Charlotte, you like that band, don't you, Ashley? Yeah. They have, I've never seen this before, and I'm wondering if you have, Nick, four guitar players in that band and then a bass player. I never noticed that. Certainly three of the lead singers playing, but the lead singer wasn't even playing an instrument in the one song I saw. I guess I have seen bands with four guitar players. It's not a rock band. I mean,

Laskinnard, I think, at one point, had four guitar players. Santana had four guitar players. Not hard rock, but yeah, I've seen that. I'd never once seen that before. That's a lot of six-string.

Yeah, when you add up all those, what's what, 28 strings? 28 strings. Unless somebody has a 7-string. And one other thing I want to mention was Machine Gun Kelly. It was pretty cool. He had like a bunch of young people up on stage with him for one of his songs.

And my God, he's tall. I'd never notice that before. Oh, yeah, he's crazy. He's 6-6. And I'd never notice that. But it was cool. He was, he's a good performer. He was running around, like,

high-fiving these little kids that were so excited to be up on stage. I thought that was pretty cool that he did that. Avenge 7-fold had an incredible set as they always do. I can't wait to go see Creed there next month, or I guess a little over a month from now. I think the Eagles had four guys playing guitar.

Really? But again, that's not a hard rock act. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show. I probably never told you this, Josh, but, you know, that's... That's me in the Chris Lindall ad. Singing, that song doesn't surprise. No, the bell! You know, the part, there's a bell in there.

Oh, I've never noticed the bell. You never noticed the bell? No. Me either, honestly. You're kind of funny when it comes to music. There are things you don't even notice. You guys have noticed a bell? No.

Yeah, it goes, ding, Lindahl, and the this and the... Maybe I'm just forgetting. Anyway, that's me. Are you messing with me? Messing you with them? There's really a bell in there? Yeah. Holy balls.

This is kind of frightening. Oh, I'm not too frightened by it. I guess I didn't pay attention. I mean, I get a little funny. I get a little space. I'm going to listen. Yeah. Now maybe that's all all here.

It doesn't mean, it's not a big deal. It's just when Lindahl cut the ad. He asked me if I would ring the bell and I did. And I get a chunk of the every house he sells. Do you really? Yeah. I get some residuals. I get a little piece of that because I played the bell.

in the stupid news we had an absolutely horrible story. Horrible about some dude at a rock concert who shook a big fat turd down his pant leg down onto the floor of the mosh pit and everyone ended up stepping on it and slipping on it and it got all over everyone's feet and their legs and the smell and then vomiting was the end result. Everyone was throwing up all over it.

Just a horrible, horrible nightmare scenario at a rock concert. I hope it never happened again. No one should have to deal with that type of a thing. 715 Wild Man, Mild Man Jesus texted in Josh, and he said there's only one real kind of odd thing that he saw at a rock concert. He said he saw some finger banging at a Sugar Ray show. Oh, man.

Sugar Ray. Yeah. Crazy. That's when you know it's real. Well, I'll tell you one thing. It kind of seems like the type of show you might see somebody getting that happened. You ever forced me to go see Sugar Ray? You better do something to me.

You know what I mean? Yep. Maybe that was behind, maybe that was the reasoning behind that fingering. You take me to Sugar, Ray Josh. You're going to be doing something to me during that concert, or else I'm going to lose interest altogether. Yeah, I probably wouldn't be too interesting. No.

All right, real quick, before we move on, Twins had no answers for the Pimp last night. Randy Dobnack starting for the Kansas City Royals last night against his old team, the Twins. They couldn't touch the Pimp. Some bitch went seven. Twins lost four nothing. Win the series. That's what we're going for these days.

Just win the series. And they have a day game today where What's As Nuts is going to pitch for the Twins. Big Bailey Ober for the day game. Randy Schabry will be here in a half hour. And until then, Josh has a wonderful news report coming up for you real quick. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off.

That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints.

You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Jim Rome takes on sports.

Part of what makes this show, the show, is the show within the show. The biggest topic on the show always seems to be the show itself. This is a way to give you clones, a way to interact with one another. Yes, we will be going through the chat. Yes, it'll be a part of the program. The only thing that could ruin the show are the old school clones spitting up the same bull crap that they always have. The jungle is out taking names and ready to dominate. Let's get it.

The Jim Rome Show podcast. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show 93X. I just looked up from my hand. I just saw blood everywhere. It was just blood running through my whole arm. And it was just like a horror movie. As a public service announcement, your chance.

The chances of being attacked by a barracuda while doing a handstand are low, but never zero. What? That bizarre scenario became a sudden reality for a 13-year-old named Claire during a birthday trip with her family and Turks and Caicos. Oh, sure. On the very first day of their vacation, Claire was doing a handstand in shallow ocean water when she was bitten by a, let's see. Ooh, barracuda. I did the handstand four or five feet deep. and when I did it midway, I just felt like a lot of pressure.

The encounter lasted only a few seconds, but the aftermath was terrifying. She suffered serious injuries to her hand, which required urgery. Her mom helped pull her to shore. Once on land, they found a bystander, who as luck would have it, was a nurse, and she stepped in to assist. She stepped in and said, I'm a nurse. Can I please help? And I said, yes, please.

And so I stepped back, and she created a tourniquet and helped stop the bleeding while we were waiting for the ambulance to arrive. I wonder if that was the first time, Jost, that nurse has had to tend to a barracuda attack. I'd imagine. Even in a place like Turks plus Kekos. After spending several hours in the emergency room, Claire was then able to enjoy the remainder of the family's vacation.

Despite the terrifying bite, she said she refuses to let the ocean intimidate her and has no plans to give up her dream of becoming a marine biologist. Is that right? Claire believes her jewelry caught the barracuda's eye. Oh. Yes. They tell you not to. wear that.

Yeah, she said it was the... Sorry, go ahead. No, you go ahead. No, I've heard that about sharks. Yeah, same with like nail polish, too. Like, I don't think you're supposed to wear like bright colored nail polish. She said, yes, it was the shiny jewelry, which made the barracuda mistake of her prey, a conclusion she reached upon reflection.

She hopes others can learn from her experience by avoiding reflective jewelry whenever they go swimming. I didn't expect to hear about barracuda. when we cracked the mics this morning. You got anything on piranhas? No, nothing. Although, I mean, I've been developing this piranha tank, my punishment piranhas for the worst of the worst. We slowly dip them in there.

You know, when the punishment volcano doesn't work. Yeah, you've got to have a backup plan. By the way, today is World Snorkeling Day. Just to leave the bling on the beach. Otherwise, you risk that barricum. Well, let's go celebrate after the show. That was one of the coolest things I've ever done. I tried it once.

I couldn't figure it out. I kept drowning. Water kept getting in the snorkel. I got cut on some coral. Oh, no. I'm sorry. There's a learning curve there, Josh. It took me a while to get used to the breathing. And, yeah, I was filling my mask up with water at every turn. I got better at it. But then my overwhelming fear of the ocean got me out of there pretty quickly. I was not able to successfully snorkel. I have no interest in what the hell goes on in the ocean. None at all. A Utah woman was arrested after starting a fire in a church where she was supposed to get married the very next day. On July 10th, 25-year-old Tessa Moreno, her groom to be and the family were busy setting up for the big event. According to the family, they were just about to head out when the fire alarm suddenly shattered the peace. Quick thinking saved the day before flames could spread further.

One bystander doused part of the blaze using water from wetting flowers, and another grabbed a fire extinguisher, which put out the rest. So the bride set the fire on purpose to get out of the wedding? That's correct. A little light arson never heard anybody. Well, she's in some trouble. Oh, no. When investigators arrived at the scene, they determined the fire had started under a chair,

using, to quote the report directly, items that were out of the ordinary. And that's probably an understatement. Moreno went completely against the flow of the average arson kit by using a tampon to start the fire. She didn't just... Any port in a storm, I guess, huh? So I imagine those are pretty flammable. I've never tried to start one on fire, but...

Let's light one. Do you have one? Is that a personal question? Maybe. I could have. Let me check. She didn't just get cold feet. She quite literally had a burning desire to cancel the entire wedding, period. Hey, that's my kind of bride, cubby. If I'm invited, right?

Don't want to go. That's my kind of bride. to squash it before it even starts. When the groom learned about the tampon fire, he saw red. He was furious. He claimed he had nothing to do with the blaze, explaining that he's only guilty of going to Ace Hardware earlier in the day to buy a few wedding supplies.

And that's when, apparently, police say they reviewed the security footage and she had stolen lighters while they were there. The husband didn't know. She hoped the tampon fire would help her stay free from that marriage for at least another 28 days. Aside from putting a serious cramp in the wedding plans, the pre-wedding blaze ended up costing more than $108,000 in damages. By the time, that smoke cleared.

I do not have a tampon, but I have some toothpaste. Do you guys want that? Let's try to light some toothpaste. Well, that's hell. I mean, I'd rather just have her say, I'm not, I don't want to do this anymore. Oh, if she was your woman. Yeah, just let me know. Let's not start a tampon fire and make national news.

Yeah, I suppose. But if you're a guest, like I was explaining, who cares? She got it canceled. That's all I care about. That's the kind of thing you pray for, right? Right. Let's cancel this thing. In unrelated news, we're right in the middle of the Discovery Channel's Shark Week, which, of course, is on a yearly cycle. Shark Week 2026, a week-long block of shark-themed documentary, scientific specials, and action-packed premieres began Monday, and it runs through this Saturday. Does that kind of thing grab you? It used to. Yeah, I used to also tune into a program or two on Shark Week,

and now it just doesn't hold me. I kind of forgot about it. I did too. I lucked out that it was this week with this story. I noticed it when I'm scrolling this week. I notice a lot of shark-related material, but I don't know. Yeah, I've never gotten into it. I'm surprised.

It seems like something you'd be into. I know. I was just watching the bear cam. I can't remember where what part of the world that is in. Or actually. Yeah, I think it's like Alaska. But the salmon were doing that thing where they tried to swim upstream. Sure.

And the bears were all like hanging out waiting to kill all these salmon. It was sweet. It was like, I don't know, like 20 bears just chilling in a river. I watched that for a little, a little too long. Man, you should narrate those documentaries. The way you put that was beautiful. Look at that one. That one's over there, chilling, waiting.

Oop, death. You kind of sound like Snoop Dog. Oh, sure. When he does those nature documentaries. That would be so fun. A 35-year-old man is facing charges after a pretty disgusting and very unwelcome scene that unfolded at a Pennsylvania gym last week. Just after 7.30 p.m. Friday, police were dispatched to supersets gym, following a report of a man masturbating inside a bathroom stall. While officers were en route, a second call, stated gym member Stephen McCarthy was actively brawling with gym goers in the locker room, presumably, because he was the man caught masturbating.

inside a bathroom stall. So they reprimanded him and he chose to fight over it? Yeah, he did. That's the only natural way to react to something like that, right? It's everyone else's fault. I'm going to kick your ass because you caught me jacking off. Hey, don't interrupt this. Make this total, make zero sense, but this guy's probably a friggin' dangerous moron.

Perhaps extra horny about LeBron signing with the 76ers, McCarthy was witnessed pleasuring himself in the stall while moaning. Which is gross. Yeah. When the Jim goer finally stopped jerkin, he tried to push through the men and began wildly throwing but missing punches, presumably using the same hand he was just masturbating with, which is gross. The patrons managed to wrestle him to the ground and hold him until officers arrived. This is far from his first offense, by the way.

McCarthy, aka 9, has a prior criminal history of aggressively avoiding masturbating in private. He likes to do it in public. This is his thing, huh? His fap sheet includes being placed on federal probation already for charges in a separate case. I love the fact that he wanted to fight anyone who challenged his public masturbation. I'd back off from a guy who was just masturbating, I think. All right, let's let him get out of here. So you've never gotten nose-to-nose with a strange man while he was masturbating?

No. A friend of mine has. No. It's one of my favorite stories ever at a goofy-ass nightclub. I think it was one of these piano. bars, Josh. Remember when the piano bars were hot? Yes, my wife worked at one. So it's a pile of young people on the dance floor, dancing their asses off at this piano bar, and suddenly an out of nowhere, some 21-year-old kid gets up onto the stage where the piano player is, pulls down his pants

and underwears, and starts furiously masturbating. Oh, gosh. Most folks, most folks would run for their lives, right? A friend of mine, I used to name him when I told this story in the past, but now maybe I shouldn't name him anymore. He's trying to live his life. But a friend of mine took it upon himself to challenge this young person. For whatever reason, maybe because everyone was highly intoxicated, my buddy walked up, leaned down, nose to nose with the kid, and said this, what are you doing? What are you doing? Until the kid pulled his pants and underwear is up and ran. Hmm. Good for him. I never would have thought to do that.

No, I'd alert somebody else. But he took it upon himself to, I guess, in a way, reprimand this kid. Our thought is that it was like a fraternity prank or something. That's the only thing we can come up with. I have seen three men masturbating at separate times in my life, but never went nose to. Only one time did we lock eyes. Oh, that's good. The other two times it was never known that I caught him.

Oh, locking eyes. You never forget that moment. All I said was, uh, hello naked man. And then I walked away. I was not prepared for that. And he was right in the middle of a room, masturbating for all to see. She's going for it.

Well, for you to see. Well, anybody that walked by, they, oh, but I thought it was just, you were the only two people in the building. No, it was at my dorm. Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking the radio thing. No, the radio, yeah. The dorm thing, yeah.

It's my dorm. It's my dorm. and there he was. Since that story took place in Pennsylvania and came dangerously close to a money shot, here's a shot at some random money facts from the Keystone State. Philadelphia is literally powered by burning money.

The Federal Reserve takes banknotes that are too worn out for circulation, shreds them, and sends them to local plants where they're burned to generate electricity. Wow. That's pretty cool. A 45-minute high-speed chase across Los Angeles took an absurd turn when the suspect decided to make a pit stop for gas right in the middle of the pursuit.

The driver, the Dodge Charger, slammed the pedal to 130 miles per hour at a desperate bid to outrun the cops, but apparently self-preservation took a back seat to a low fuel light. Sunday night's chase stretched on for so long and hit such absurd speeds, even a pursuing helicopter loss sight of the muscle car at several points until he was seen stopping for a fill-up. ages. I have never seen this. Eventually, the suspect believed to be wanted for a possible DUI bailed on foot alongside two passengers, but police eventually rounded them up and arrested all three. Some just ran out of gas, huh? Yeah, they were going for so long. Bizarrely, history seems to be repeating itself almost exactly one year ago in the same area. A driver in a stolen vehicle paused

mid-chaise to fuel up during a wild high-speed pursuit, much like Sunday's incident. that driver pushed past speeds of 100 miles an hour, and he too took time to fill up the tank. In that case, the pursuit ended when the driver ditched the car and sprinted off on foot, but unlike Sunday's trio, that driver got away. Police believe he either hopped into a getaway vehicle driven by an accomplice or carjacked an SUV to make his clean escape.

If I was running from the cops, which I would never be in that situation, it would be pretty easy because, yeah, I'd run out of gas pretty fast. I'd be like, do you even have any gas in your car? What? You got like 20 miles in there? That's true. You never fill it all the way up. Nope. I'm terrible. But somebody texted in the last time I mentioned this and they said, I'm kind of jealous of her because like 20 bucks in gas is always just 20 bucks in gas. It doesn't matter what the gas prices are.

She's always just going to spend that 20 bucks. I'm like, yeah, that's a good way to look at it, I guess. Oh, I see what she's saying. Like I got 20 bucks I can spend. Whatever that gets me, that's where I'm going. Yep. One quick note on something new from the big screen to your living room. Here we go.

Beginning today, you can stream the Super Mario Galaxy movie on Peacock. Will you watch it at home, Dana? Maybe. I don't know. I didn't ever watch the first one. Maybe I'll check this one out. That kind of surprises me. I know you said the movies aren't necessarily great, but you're so into Mario.

I love all things Nintendo, but the movies, you know, they're definitely geared towards children, which they should be. And, yeah, they don't really pull me in at all. I bet this will. Birthdays today. Joy on My Name is Earl. Jamie Presley. Hau-ha-hab. Oh, my goodness.

49 and hilarious. 49 only? Yep. Damn. Christopher Nolan, director of the Dark Night trilogy, Dunkirk Memento, Inception, and most recently, The Odyssey is 56. Have you guys seen The Odyssey? No.

No, I have not. Oh, it's too bad. Because the Odyssey dees nuts. Lawrence Fishburn, 65. Yeah, I saw it on Sunday. Yeah, you said it was too loud? It was very loud. Arnold Schwarzenegger, 79,

and professional wrestling legend Baron von Rasky, 86. Wow. Isn't that something to know that the baron's still wandering around town? Still cooking. 86. That's really old for a wrestler, unfortunately. Ashley's fifth husband, Jesus, needs some love in this morning. He had his car stolen this week. Still in the wind.

Hope you get that back in one piece. Definitely hope you get it back before we get married because I ain't doing that. I'm not driving you everywhere. Somebody fingered the text line asking for a shot. out to their big goofy nine-year-old puppy has to go to the vet about maybe getting a toe amputated. Oh, no. The puppy's a big 93x fan and listens every day.

We sure appreciate that. Glad you're in the puppyhood. Our vet friend, Dr. Andrea, we'll be in here later this morning to answer any pack questions you may have. Shoots it deer seven times and Mrs. Jesus would like to wish his daughter good luck at the Junior Olympics for karate this weekend in Des Moines.

Dude, I'd like to see that. I like the way you said it. Happy birthday to Josh from Mom and happy birthday to tips up Jesus from River Pissor Sheezis. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Well, Randy Shaver, here we are again.

How are you, son? I'm good. Here we are again. Thursday morning. Did you hear any of Cubby's news report? Just the tail end. I didn't. I was doing something else.

I was half. paying attention. I'm sorry. Pulling on your boxer shorts and... I know. I was reading some things. You were reading some things. It happens. No, no, no. No need to apologize. You were getting yourself. Why, was Cubby talking about me?

No. I'd still be going if that was the case. He didn't mention your name at all. Okay. So you were settling yourself. You were getting ready for your appearance here on the show. I totally understand. Josh, he was telling us about a guy who was jacking it at the gym. And then typical gym guy, when others at the joint voiced their disapproval of his public tug-off, he tried to fight everybody.

I think I'd rather just fall completely out of shape, Josh, than exercise if that's what I'm up against at my neighborhood gym. Yeah, I used to be what they call a gym rat. Never seen anything like that, thankfully. It's terrible. I don't get why he couldn't find someplace private for that. Were you ever a go-to-the-jim guy, Randy Schaber? Yeah, when I was younger.

You had yourself a membership and everything? I did. So, yeah, I mean, I did that. I actually am much more disciplined now than I was then, though. I have my own gym here in my house, and I work out twice a week, and I have not missed that. basically for the last 20 years. Good for you. I've been very diligent.

Very diligent about it. You can't really tell by looking at you. But I mean, good for you. Go to the gym. Yeah, Josh used to go to the gym. I had a brief run with a gym membership. You guys know my brother is a big powerlifting gorilla. You'll see him tomorrow night at the Wise

at a Legion for our brostout cancer event. Now we can barely cross the room because of what he's done to his body with all that power lifting. It's really sad to watch. I want everyone he is to pick. on them. So I had a couple of, I don't know, maybe two months maybe. I belonged to this gym and I went in there now and again. Yeah.

You have to be super motivated to go to a gym. Yeah. I mean, it's, for me, it took just like one or two times to miss and then it was hard to get back. And some of them are so expensive now. Oh, my gosh. Outrageous. Is it? What are we talking?

I have no idea. rent payment. I mean, it depends on where you go. Let's say you go to a fancy schmancy, they got a swimming pool and everything. A couple hundred bucks or more a month for a single one. Dude. My, like, I went to one, it was $10 a month. And I'm like, what else do you need?

This place rules. You were spending $10 a month anyway on Burger King back in those days. No kidding. I mean, my wife worked quite a few, and I've never really gone to them because they're too expensive. I mean, she works there, but I can't afford. It's crazy. I remember once back when I used to go to this joint, I just hated it. So I only tried it a few times.

That walking on a treadmill, I can't do it. It's just so boring. I do it every day and sometimes I'm frustrated with myself. It's just so boring. So a few times I tried, you're frustrated with yourself because you're so bored? Well, no, I'll just be like, well, got to be wrapping up and I'll look. I'm like, I got 15 minutes left. This is ridiculous.

Time stands still on a treadmill. It does. I just read, you know, I read a lot. Like, I'll just read news stories. and stuff, and that does kind of make it go by quicker. You're able to read while walking. Oh, yeah. I mean, I'm only going like between three and three point four. But still, but just the motion of that. I can't see how I could possibly read well. But anyway, I tried that treadmill a couple of times. Even with a television on in front of me, I would still just be miserable.

You put a walkman on, try to listen to some music. It wouldn't work. So I took it upon myself. I kind of like folded up a piece of paper, and I'm twiddling this paper between my fingers, can you picture such a thing? Just trying to keep myself occupied during this miserable 15 minutes. I know it sounds sad, but even 15 minutes, I couldn't stand it. So anyway, I'm twiddling this piece of paper between my fingers, and I'm in a bad mood because I'm on the stupid treadmill. And the lady next to me says, excuse me, if you don't mind me asking, and I said, no, what? And she says, what's to deal with the paper between your fingers? And because I was in kind of a pissy mood, I said, oh, it keeps me from smoking crack. Wow. Kind of looked at me

like I was nuts. A few people are texting in. This is what I've heard, too. Like, now for people, it's kind of like a, it's a club. Some of them don't even call them some of those gyms anymore. Like a fitness club, like a country club. It's like a lifestyle thing. Yeah, life, that's a way to put it.

Where they've got like work areas, there's spas, there's... So it's a place to go. Yeah, it's to hang out. And it's a status thing, too. For some people I'd imagine. I mean, yeah, there's certain memberships that, like I said, a couple hundred bucks or more. And I know there's even more exclusive gyms than that. It's been way more than that. How about some more masturbation material as we continue on this morning?

About time. Oh, why not? This time it had nothing to do with a fitness center gym, whatever you want to call it. Some relationship drama was dumped into the mix over there for the social media folks to enjoy. So who knows if there's any truth to this, but who cares? Let's just go ahead anyway. It says here a dude, he caught his lady just blasting herself into next week with a sex toy. Okay, it happens. Embarrassing for everyone involved, but you know, it's only natural. Let's just shake hands and call it even, I guess, right?

But here's the deal. The dude, he's claiming that she's cheated on him. He's calling it cheating. In my opinion, that's silly. masturbation isn't cheating. If you really feel like masturbation is cheating, I think you should see as psychologist because you're obviously troubled by some serious personal problems.

The word is sinning, not cheating. Sining? That's the correct. Okay. So anyway, the reason why the dude thinks his lady's latest solo party was cheating is because apparently the gal was using this unit on herself,

some kind of customized Dilrod that featured the image of her favorite soccer player on the toy. She was using a specialized rotating wand or something that featured the image of a professional soccer player by the name of Erling Holland? Yep. So according to her man, her boyfriend, that personalization changed it from a random rub off into cheating. It does change things a little bit, but I don't know about cheating. That's extreme.

Is this a famous person, Erling Harland? Yeah, he's one of the best players in the world. Had a great World Cup for Norway. Oh, yeah? Yeah, and everybody in America really took to him because he just embraced the country. He went home with a taxidermied squirrel. He brought it on the airplane with him after they got knocked out by England. They don't get that kind of thing in Norway?

No, and he was just, you know, there's him at a cowboy shop in Texas. We're in a cowboy. hat and he was you know eating ranch dressing like all the other people from here up that so he he did the full-on yeah i'm i'm an american now routine yeah i'm just going to go all in on everything and he had a blast does he know he has his own line of dildos i don't know if he knows that or not so this this story came in turned into a discussion on social media on emotionally cheating and micro cheating and all of that. Well, some people do find masturbating cheating.

I told you a buddy of mine's marriage ended over that. He got caught and... Silliness. That was it. He got caught and she said, I'm leaving you. Yeah. Wow. There had been something else going on there. She was just looking for a reason. No, I know, I would totally agree if you told that story. They were

my neighbors, some very good friends of mine. She was just really, really religious. Oh, wow. And that was it. He just said, okay, we're done. Well, I'll be damned. Well, I've told the story about the girlfriend that I had that she cried when she found out that I watched porn. And this was also a gal that no drug she wouldn't take. But for some reason, porn was where she drew the line.

What, are you, some kind of an animal? Right, exactly. And then she goes and puffs on a crack pipe. Essentially. Well, good for you, Erling Harland. He's found his way to stay relevant even after the soccer tournament is over. would you be pretty honored if there was a Nick Bourne themed sex toy Nick? Are you kidding me?

Tears in my eyes. What do you think like the best features of it would be? Like what best uses? I suppose you use the gap in my teeth to destroy yourself in one way or another. I don't know. I don't know. But I would honored, what's a word that even is higher than honored? Boy, that's a good question.

I would think that was just wonderful. Erling. There you go. It does add something to it that somebody's face is on there, but that's, you know, if it was like your neighbor, Jeff, that'd be a little more concerning. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

That guy's probably unattainable for most people. Your wife loves Dwayne Johnson, The Rock. Yeah, now she's not as much, but yeah, at one point, yes. Well, give me your name. Tay Diggs. Randy Orton Okay, let's go with the legend killing You find out she has some kind of a two-story tall

vibrating silo in the bedroom when you're not looking And it's got Randy Orton's mug on it Where do you go with that? I would actually think it was kind of funny First I'd be shocked she had a sex toy Secondly, why is it that big And third I would think it was kind of funny

But like you said if it was Jeff the neighbor. Yeah, then I might kind of go, what's happening here? There you effing go. Yeah, that'd be kind of cool. They have your own line of, maybe we'll end up reading a story someday where Erland is suing this company because they didn't get his permission, you know, the likeness thing.

All right. Well, maybe you don't want to say. Maybe I don't want to say what? Like some things you've owned in the past, and I thought you had a themed one or two. Well, we were gifted those sleeves from the sex shop. Yeah. Who was the sleeve that it was modeled after? Do you remember?

I don't. I bet if you give me a few minutes I could come up with it. Don't text anything about my mom. I'm just going to save you a text. You will be blocked. Save your data plan. Who was it? I thought...

I can't remember. Because you can choose like various anatomy and everything, right? Various people. Right. Maybe I'll come up with it before the end of the program. All right, I'm not trying to kill anyone's buzz this morning. You know, Josh, I always try my best not to be a flatliner. No, you don't want to be a flatliner. But I did really enjoy this here article. USA Today wrote this one up. Iconic sports moments that are probably

lies. Lies, Randy. And it says here, if you grew up a sports fan, odds are you've heard stories of players generations ago, accomplishing feats on the field or the ice or the court, that simply could not be imaginable in today's game. It says while those stories add to the mystique of people like Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle, they certainly benefited from the fact that technology wasn't close to where it is today. Games weren't broadcasted worldwide, and when they were on video, it's grainy black and white footage, which left plenty of room for the imagination. Now, that's not to say that sports, urban legends are useless.

They are fun, the article says, but there are some stories from the past that should be viewed with plenty of skepticism. And they mention the following. Every 500-foot home run before Statcast. Now, Statcast became a thing 10 years ago, where they have a very precise way of measuring home run distances and whatnot nowadays. But in the old days, what was the gimmick, Randy Schaber? A sports writer who was writing for the local paper who saw a Babe Ruth or a Mickey Mantle home run

would just estimate the distance of the home run. Sometimes they would wait for the baseball to stop rolling. It's kind of give the old eyeball test. Eyeball test, right? Right. So they mention that fact. The article says there was no way that dudes were hitting 550-foot home runs while lugging around a 40-ounce bat in 1937.

So that's the route they take in the first place is some of these historic home runs that you heard of from players like Mantle and Ruth. Right. They say here. I think the Mickey Mantle, the 565-foot home run, which is kind of like the one that people talk about. Yeah, that comes into question for sure. They mentioned that in the article.

They say even at the Baseball Hall of Fame, they claim that Mickey Mantle's 565-foot home run was a real thing that actually happened. In reality, they say the home run was probably closer to 460 feet, which they say is still an unbelievable bomb, no question. Right. But there you go. Okay.

And I think we all... I buy that. We all kind of assumed that. Yeah. Once you grow up a little bit and you assume, okay, some of these stories were just stories. Babe Ruth calling his shot in the 19 and 32 World Series. That was the first one that popped of mind when you brought up the topic. Right.

They say here, not to pile on Babe Ruth. He's obviously a baseball legend. but it's not a good sign when baseball historians can't agree on the single most iconic story of his career. And that was, what was it? Game three of the 1932 World Series, he supposedly pointed to center field before hitting a home run against the Chicago Cubs. The footage of the moment is questionable. The video footage of that moment is questionable at best. And while there was a gesture, no one seems to agree on what it was all about.

I've seen it. It looks more like he's just readying himself for an at-bat. 100%. But you're right, though. It's a cool story. Yeah. We're discussing here iconic sports moments that were probably lies. Next up, Bobby Hull and his 118.3 mile per hour slap shot.

Yeah, okay. Come on. Yeah. What year does that supposedly happen? In the 60s. Yeah, I don't think they had speed guns back then. Something that Bobby Hall is known for. It is treated as fact in NHL circles, but there are a lot of doubters.

It even mentions here that in his obituary from the New York Times, they mentioned that the slap shot velocity was probably inaccurate. That sucks in your obituary? They buried the guy. He wasn't as great as you might think. Let it go a month or two before we... They see here that Zadano Chara, I'm sure a lot of hockey fans remember that big bastard played forever, Zadano Chara, his 108 mile per hour slap shot is likely the real record.

118, yeah, I'm not buying it, even if you are Bobby Hall. This one might trouble you a little bit, Randy Shaver. Well, but then again, I'm sure you're familiar with the controversy, the Immaculate Reception. Sure. Frank O'Harris. At that point in broadcasting NFL games, they didn't have all the multiple cameras they do now.

One of the most... Yes. So there is some skepticism whether the ball actually hit the ground before Frank O'Harris caught it. One of the most iconic plays in NFL playoff history. Late 70s, whenever it was,

I can't remember the year exactly. Steelers and Raiders, the ball bounces off this, that. Last gas effort for the Steelers ends up in Franco's hands, and he runs for the end zone. My God, it's the greatest thing anyone. But right, there are plenty of people, specifically Oakland Raiders who are still alive who played on that frigging team.

For sure. Who say that ball hit the ground. And if it didn't, it touched another stiller player before it ended up in Harris's hands, which would have... Make it illegal pass. Right. They would have whistled the call dead. And between that and the tuck rule,

game. Raiders fans definitely have some things to pitch about. I lost so much money on that stupid tuck game. Did you really? Yes. What was the bet? Oh, I mean, I was 30 years old, so it probably was $500 or something like that. You're talking about in the snowstorm, AFC title game, friggin' stupid Tom Brady. Yep.

Franco Harris. Poor guy died now. Did he, like, mean muggy at the airport or something? One of the most bizarre, five minutes of my life. Yeah. To this day, I have no idea what was happening. But my ex-wife and I were at an airport going somewhere, standing around having a beer outside one of those airport bars

waiting for our plane ride. And I just noticed I could feel someone just eyeballing me. And I look about 20 feet away. And yeah, I'm getting eyeballed. And I'm getting eyeballed by Franco F. and Harris. I mean, a mean, mean stare. And he would not unlock eyes with me. And I elbowed my wife and I said,

Frank O'Harris is over here looking at me like he wants to fight. And she said, who's Frank O'Harris? And he did. He remained locked on me. It had to been a good five minutes. To this day, I have no idea. And finally, in this conversation on, you know, sports, iconic sports moments that may have possibly been total BS.

This one breaks my heart, but we've got to be real about it. Wade Boggs sucking down 107 Miller lights in one day. God, I want it to be true. What you say, Randy? Not possible. Well, see, the story is

some people say it was 70 Miller lights. Not possible. Some say 80, 90, 100. It ranges everywhere from 70 to 107. Now, he tells the story whenever asked, and he

still stands by it, Wade Boggs. If you don't know the story, Wade Boggs when he was playing for, I believe he was still playing for the Boston Red Sox. They had a cross-country flight from Boston to Seattle. And he says, you know, when he got to the clubhouse at 7 o'clock in the morning or something, in Boston, he started drinking beer. He's packing his bags. He's drinking beer. They have a team meeting. He's drinking beer.

They had a lunch. He's drinking beer. They get on the airplane. Bing, bang, bang, bang. They get back to the hotel. So, you know, whatever, a 16-hour period or something, he says he drained. I think the original number that he said was 70. He drained 70, 12-ounce cans of Miller Light. I think I'm the only one here that watches the show always sending you in Philadelphia,

but there's a great episode where the gang tries to beat that record on an airplane. They get anywhere near it? No. They got good and drunk, but they didn't get quite like, like Danny DeVito's character, he's wearing a white t-shirt, and he puts like a little mark for each beer he's had, so he's up to like 22 beers and stuff, you know, counting by fives. It's pretty funny stuff. I want to believe it's true, Randy Shaber, because I'm a beer drinker, and I've always loved the story.

What do you think the most big Al's gone through? Oh, Jesus. In one day. I don't think he even wants me to say on the radio. Oh, okay. No, I mean, I'm kidding. He's not that sensitive. How about over or under 30?

Oh, over. Really? Yeah. I've known some colossal beer drinkers in my day. Big Al's one of them. But mainly the guys I'm picturing are the hillbillies that my dad used to buddy around with. One guy in particularly, Larry.

Larry's the greatest beer drinker-wise that I ever saw. I've never seen anything like it to this day. He was a big guy. And, I mean, he could drain a case of old Milwaukee without even burping. He was a machine. It was two tips, and it was gone. Two tips.

And you know something I'm very proud of? of, Josh? What's that? The old timers who are still alive from that, from that friend group, they say that my dad was the second greatest beer drinker in Wazetta history. That is pretty cool. Second just to Larry. The conversation still comes up once in a while with the really old boys and they say, your dad was the second best ever. So do I think that Larry could drink 70 in a day? See, that's the thing. Knowing that man, my whole life, do I think he could go through 70 in a day like Wade Boggs apparently did? It's a good question.

Well, here's someone that said they saw their buddy I drink 66 rolling rocks at a house party. Said the house party was about 12 hours. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's amazing what some people can accomplish. I just don't know. I mean, my brother, when he was young, a case of Meisterbrow was nothing.

Nothing. I could never hang with that. No way. And Meisterbrow, too. And you know what else? And you know what? It didn't have to be cold. Oh, wow.

Didn't have to be cold. All right, Randy Shaver. The twins had no answers for the pimp. Yeah, I mean, he was unhittable, basically. The Royals beat the Twins 4-0 last night, and the damn pimp, Royal's starting pitcher Randy Dobnack, pitching against his old club, snatched up his first big league win in five years.

seven scoreless innings. He looked great. Twins were only able to come up with four hits and a walk, I think, off the Pimpsky. Twins never had a guy advanced beyond second base. He had three, one, two, three innings. Joe Ryan wasn't terribly sharp at all. Yeah, he's been struggling. And I know he took a few days off because of what they called, what they call it, like

arm fatigue. Bilateral leg weakness or something. I remember that. Yeah. Who can forget. Joe was not sharp. And remember his last time out, he got crushed for six,

seven yard sales against Cleveland. That was only 10 days ago. Right. So, Joe, he looks tired. I'm a little worried about Joe Ryan. Well, and that's not good for a team that is attempting to compete for a wild card. Because even if they,

you know, they've still got two months to figure this thing out. out. That's a long stretch of time for Joe Ryan if he's still struggling. Well, just win the series, right, Randy? Yeah, today's the day. And they can do that today, day game, Bailey Ober, pitches for the twins. Okay, back to mass amounts of beer being consumed by one human being. Do we believe that Andre the Giant could drink 105 beers?

I could see that. We do, don't we? I could, yes. Sadly, didn't he have kind of a pretty well-known problem with it? I saw a documentary and people were like, boy, you know, kind of wish he didn't drink as much as he did. Yeah, he had some problems. So he had some tolerance and obviously his size.

Wade Boggs, obviously, was only about the size of one of Andre's legs. There's those stories about Andre getting so drunk. He'd pass out on a couch in a hotel lobby and there's no moving the guy. Yeah. Good point. That was the problem with Larry once in a while, too, the sum bitch. He wouldn't fall down drunk, but sometimes he would just fall down. And he was such a big guy.

I'd be like, okay. get on the telephone. We need to pick Larry up. We need more than just this, you know. Anybody got a forklift? He's a big dude. Randy's dream date. Tarek Scubel reached a career milestone yesterday.

This might have been his final, final, final start as a Detroit tiger. I think it's going to be Jeff Passon reported late last night that the tigers have decided they are going to trade them. Okay, they are. Yep. Well, he struck out the first batter of the game, and that was his 1,000th career strikeout. Yep. So he's the first Tigers since Max Scherzer to come up with a grand in strikeouts. And you saw the situation.

When he left the game, the Tigers were up 7 to nothing. Oh, yeah. They lost 10 to 9 and 12 innings. Great send off. They lost that ball game. Yeah, so they're going nowhere. And I think, this obviously, if Scoobo gets traded, that's going to be monster. Do we know the team's interested

and please don't say the Dodgers and Yankees. Milwaukee and the Dodgers are the front runners. Oh, Milwaukee would be cool. Yeah. If the Dodgers get him up. If L.A. gets him, I'm just going to lose all faith in Major League Baseball. Again, it doesn't really matter if the Dodgers

or the Brewers get him either. This is all one of the reasons why we're heading towards a strike and a salary cap discussion. Exactly. It's not a level playing field. The latest video fresh out, the minor league baseball scene is a keeper. The latest video from the minor league circuit.

The Sacramento River Cats, the AAA affiliate to the San Francisco Giants. They have a mascot over there, Cubby, with the very lazy and unoriginal name of Dinger. That's a giant. That's a Rockies mascot. I know. It's silly. He is a giant, a river cat. A video cut loose a day or two ago, a video of Dinger the Rivercat.

He's riding on one of those electric scooters on the ball field in between innings. And he full on smashed top speed into a ball player who had just jumped out the dugout to run out onto the ballfield. This is on 93X.com. Check that out. He hits him hard, too. That was a collision. The victim turned out to be an Oklahoma City Comets outfielder by the name of Alec Thomas. Thomas is a prospect for the Dodger.

so this may have been an organized hit. The collision sent them both to the deck, but Thomas, the human being, and Dinger, the giant half human, half river cat, they were both fine. Jesus. Did you see the video, Randy? Yeah, I did.

That's full on full speed. Yeah. I think I have to blame the player on that one. You're taught to look left and right before you cross the street. Did they ever say why he was dressed as Santa Claus? Oh, yeah, because everyone's doing the Christmas in July promotion. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, yeah.

Thank you for bringing that up because I had forgotten. Yeah, Dinger was dressed as Chris Kringle. Christmas in July, Josh. Sure. Yeah. I've heard the term. It's actually, I'm surprised that this outfielder was not injured because that was a Yeah, it was

That was a deal. Yep. Now, wasn't a love tap? No, no, not at all. They ran into each other. Speaking of effing around on scooters and such, a few of you might remember the big league,

you might remember that big league center fielder. Harrison Bader was a Minnesota twin for a few minutes. Now he worked for the San Francisco Giants. Right. Harrison Bader. He was all set to come off the bench after a month-long injury rehab. But the effing dude says here recently got into a late-night electric scooter crash,

and now he won't be returning after all. He's been sitting on the injured list for the Giants. I think today or tomorrow he was supposed to come back. I also think he was a trade candidate, too, because the Giants are going to have a fire sale before Monday's deadline. I suppose he would be a trade candidate. an outfielder. He can hit a little bit. Certainly Luis Arise is their number one

possibility, who by the way had four hits last night and he's hitting like over 3.30. So the guy's amazing. He's a hitting machine. He is. Oh, by the way, I missed this, Josh. Shea Gilgis Alexander was awarded three free throws for that collision between that... Oh, wow. The River Cat and that Dodgers prospect. Yeah, well, get back to me on how he does on those free throws.

So Bader had a problem with his left foot. That's what kept him out of the lineup. He apparently has re-injured that same left foot with his cute little scooter crash. The Giants did not offer any other details about the crash. My guess is because it might be embarrassing for Bader and the organization. Remember, they said it was a late night kind of a thing. he might have gotten into the Steve Weisers a little bit. I don't know.

Did you know this? In 2014, when Bader's was a college baseball player, he was suspended 19 games by the University of Florida after he was involved in a scooter crash in which alcohol was allegedly a factor. Wow. Didn't learn his lesson. Keep this guy off the kids' toys. Damn.

We keep getting more and more info. on that cute little Tony Romo DWI that says here he had an open bottle of hooch in the car. Cops said some kind of alcoholic beverage was rolling around on the passenger side of Romo's whip, maybe down on the floor there. And I mean, keep in mind that might just mean that he was mixing some drinkies out the passenger side of his vehicle, maybe when he was at the golf course earlier that day. It doesn't necessarily mean that it was the type of deal where he was actively taking a pole or two. while driving? I don't know.

I'm starting to wonder if he's been getting criticized the last couple of years for not really preparing for the games and stuff. If CBS kind of looks at this as a get out of jail free card to cut that salary that he's making, he's making a lot of money. Well, they said they're going to keep him. Did they? Yeah, he's, but they're... I hope they do. I enjoy

the guy. I really do. I typically don't care for... I don't usually even pay attention to the commentators, but I find Tony Romo really enjoyable. You know how that goes, though. I mean, even though they said it, could go. Right. Right. But he's been, they're putting them in the background for a little bit. Sure. Problem is who they're going to replace him with.

That's the other big question. He's on the number one for CBS. So you'd have to have somebody like a Greg Olson or somebody in the wings if that's what you're going to do. What else do we know here? Oh, yeah. Okay. So we had a bottle rolling around in the car. As most of you already know, Romo.

told the cops that he was heading to his grandma and grandpa's house that night. And the fun part there, Josh, for Tony, is that grandpa lets him hold the remote after they watch the power. Oh, yeah. Apparently. I can't get over that one. Apparently. Apparently. Now, I don't enjoy any negative talk about the Bang brothers.

Because damn, those guys are cool. Anthony Edwards and Lamello's balls. But here's the deal. Apparently, Mello. allegedly owes he allegedly owes a dude some rent money and check this out according to the story in front of me he owes

rent money to Cam Newton's dad their family business okay do you follow on all that Randy Schaber why would he why would he need rent money why wouldn't he just own a small place or something

I don't know apparently Lamello's balls one half of the Bang brothers Damn, those guys are cool. He was renting some hot shot palace from former NFL quarterback Cam Newton's dad. The background there, I have no idea, but Cam Newton's dad is suing Mello. And then I read that Lamello's personal manager is named Jermaine Jackson, but apparently not the same Jermaine Jackson from the famous Singing Jackson Five musical group of the 1960.

That would have been something. Yeah. That would have been too much for me, I think. Anyway, long story. The lawsuit claims that for almost a smooth year, either Germain Jackson or Lamello failed to pay the rent. And they're talking here, $280,000.

Good Lord, who is you renting? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, wait, $280,000 divided by $10. Again, rent. $280,000 unpaid rent in this and that. Whatever, dude. Nobody ups with the bang bros unless, of course, you're a hot lady and then it's encouraged. Oh, my God.

I wonder if people could hear that. Oh, my God. That was the most colossal guttural that this radio show has ever heard, and we are ground zero for gutterles. That was so loud I was looking around. I thought it was in my head. Did anyone hear that? It went like this. It went.

Oh. Holy cow. Somebody's in trouble. Do we need to start keeping some white bread and baloney in the studio for when people get hungry? I don't think that would help. He paid, like, I feel sad that I had to do this math, by the way, with a calculator, so no one make fun to me. But, like, $24,000 about, like, so it's like $23,300. $133.33333,000 a month.

This must have been one hell of a rental. It had to have like six pools. Like what? Just buy a house. Well, the Ball Brothers don't play games, smashly. They live the life. You're short on rent. I am.

What do I owe you? $280,000. We'll never have that conversation. No, never. Whoever's guttural that was, it blew out speakers, according to the brother-sisterhood. I'm glad you heard it. That was insane.

Dog walking, Jesus said, I speak whale. Yeah. I think we need to start keeping saltine crackers and butter and baloney in this. Who was that? Because somebody's very hungry. It was Dana or Ashley. It was definitely me. What is it with your neck?

It's been going crazy today, but that was the worst one. That was the worst one by far. Did you swallow a microphone? I might have. That might have even been obvious enough that it could be promoable. Yeah, that's put that in the best thing that's happened. Could be a promo. Hey, who's on the promo today?

Well, Dana's esophagus is the star of the show today. He's going to be, it's going to be on the promo. This is funny. People are now texting saying they thought it was them. It was so pronounced and so loud. I wonder, too. I don't feel anything. Just a big neck fart.

I love that everyone let it happen too. Let's see how this goes. And as it was happening, I thought my mic was off. And then I looked down and I went, oh, no. This is going to become a thing. Yeah. I don't know what it is about your neck. Every day it makes an appearance.

There was a dude that used to. Neckleless cage. We got to give him a character name. Yeah. There was a dude that used to work in the building here whose stomach. You could hear it across the room, couldn't you, Josh? Yeah, he had a condition. And when he would get stressed, it was.

So that's how we knew. he was stressed. He was a boss. You could hear it across the room. Burr, that kind of thing. Josh and I would sometimes go into his office and pretend like we had something to talk about, but we really didn't. We just wanted to hear his stomach go crazy. I'd never heard anything like that before.

If he got mad or he got stressed, it was really bad. We'd go in there and just start some random conversation because we just wanted to hear his stomach sing. Oh, this is good. There's some good that came out of your neck, Dana. Yeah? This person says that your gutter will, cured their tinnitus, whatever it's called. Oh, I wish you would cure mine.

Hey, Randy, tomorrow will be our Friday, and we are going to let her buck like never before. No rules, no limitations, no censorship, no nothing. And, of course, tomorrow night's the big bros out. That's right. Can't wait. We're all set, ready to go. Thanks, you bastard. You bet.

All right, we'll talk you tomorrow. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait.

Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's b I-A-L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Scrolling with Haley. Join Haley Caronea as she scrolls through the biggest headlines. If you haven't watched this show before, we do blind reactions. I have not seen these videos, so I am seeing them for the first time with all of you.

We're going to implement the tinfoil hat time segments and all the stuff you know and love. And I'm going to finish the show and answer some of your questions. Someone asked me, what made you get into podcasting? And I was producing podcasts for other people. and I was like, I could do this for myself, and here I am. Scrolling with Haley, follow and listen on your favorite platform. It's Dr. Andrea. Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions.

It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93x half-assed morning show. Yes, we are anticipating a long conversation with Dr. Andrea Johnson, but first, before we welcome her into the mix, we need to get back to our new favorite character here on the show. Some folks have taken to calling the character, neckleback, Josh. Dana's neck

made this tremendously loud kind of barking sound a few minutes ago. It's almost violent. We were wondering if our listeners were able to hear it. They were. A lot of them have taken to calling the character Neckleback. I like neck-borne.

Let's go with that one. Or necklless cage. Dana's throat hasn't been this popular since he was at St. Cloud State. But anyway, a couple... One listener texted in to say that it was so loud they checked their own shorts. Yeah, I talked to somebody in the hallway, a coworker who is listening on 35W with the road noise and still heard it, Dana. Do we have the ability to just find that audio and play it again here this morning, or is that a hell of a task?

I'd have to run into the other studio, but I can do it if you want me to. Well, I mean, if you feel like it can be done, great. If you'd rather set there, we can save it for tomorrow. I don't know. Let Cubby make the final. I'd like to hear it again because it was. I wouldn't mind. Yeah, I'll go grab it.

I don't have access to it. Maybe Bill could do it. Get out of here, Dana. Go do it. Come back as quick as you can. And with all that said, we should welcome Dr. Andrea to our studios this morning. Dr. Andrea Johnson from German Animal Hospital. How are you?

I'm great. Sorry about all that noise. Sorry about everything. No, I didn't hear it. I missed it. Now I want to hear it. Well, you got to hear it. It's out of control.

It's a little worrisome. It shouldn't happen. Yeah, can you diagnose his neck? What if a pet made that type of a loud, like, throat? I mean, does that mean they're hungry? Are they in trouble? I mean, I got to hear it. But I would say those clients probably would be running to the clinic.

Yeah. Calling for an emergency. Screaming and crying. Please help our pet. It happens all the time. I mean, honestly, it's already happened three times today. He has digestive issues, doesn't he, Josh? And me, I don't know what it is.

Gerd. Ashley and I, we stare at each other. how many times a morning do you think? Five times a morning? At least, yeah. Wonder if the other person heard it? Actually, yeah, we skate past most of them because it happens. It happens every day.

I've never heard it. Now I'm going to listen for it. If we acknowledged every one of them, the program would never gain any momentum at all. That's all our show would be. But every once in a while, you have to just to kind of stand by and recognize. Wow. It was just like the perfect side. Like nobody interrupted it either.

It's just perfect. We're going to love it. Interesting. It seemed like it was going to be, it was that abrasive that, well, it must have something to say. I'd go ahead and continue talking. You can interrupt the conversation. It must be important. Dr. Andrea is willing to help out and we'll wait on Dana.

He's going to try to fetch that audio. Dr. Andrew is here to help you out with any questions you have about your beloved house pets. 651-989-933. That's our Luther Bloomington Key, Kia, text lines. So everything's good lately? Yeah, yeah. Get your car back? Not yet.

Nope. Still scootering down 394. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Maybe today. If you've been listening to Dr. Andrews segment for a while, you know, she had a vehicle stolen right out of our own driveway recently because we're terrible people. And nothing on that level. No, status quo on that.

We're getting a puppy. We're getting a baby. No way. What kind of puppy? We're going to do another German short here. It's a half-brother of what we have at home. That is so cool. First off, and I think maybe you brought this up in a past appearance, I think people,

assume that if you're a veterinarian, you must have just wildlife all over the house, like you really are an animal lover. And I can't remember. How many pets do you currently have? Well, I lost another, I lost another chicken. I don't know. They're getting old. But I have, what, nine chickens now, 10 chickens. And we just lost a frog. They had a frog. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Yeah. And then actually, I bought that frog at a wedding, and the frog outlived the marriage. Wait, at a wedding? That's hilarious. They had frogs for sale at their wedding? You know that place up in Niswa?

They have like, I don't know, a toy store and Brainerd Niswa area. Yeah. I brought a frog home for the kids. You were up there for a wedding and you stopped at the... Yeah, my husband went golfing with like the groomsman and came back to the hotel room and there's a frog on the counter. He went golfing, you went and bought a frog. That's incredible. He said seven or eight chickens.

Yep. Dogs and cats? One dog. One dog. Yep. My husband's terribly allergic. to cats. Oh.

Yeah. And now you're getting a puppy. Yeah, we're going to get a baby. Do you have a name picked out yet? You know, I like the German trend. You know, Goonter is our dog's name. So I don't know. Klaus?

Yeah, Klaus. My husband really wants Bruce. He just wants to name the dog Bruce. I don't mind that at all. You go Klaus, Rudolph, Herman. Fritz. Fritz. Heinrich.

Any current or past members of the scorpions, really. You could, yeah. Well, that's exciting. Yeah. Labor Day. Going back to Dana's neck, what do you think of this name from Tour Guy Jesus? Neco Libre. Do you like Neco Libre?

It's wonderful. Wonderful. I like all those ideas. I think you've got to go more with the throat, not the neck, because that's what's making the noise. All right. More with the throat. So how about? I don't know.

It's like internal, right? Yeah, you're right. The throat is a little tougher to work with, but we'll try to come up with something. Okay. How about we get to question one for Dr. Andrea from one of our wonderful listeners? This is about a little cat. He occasionally gets into unopped popcorn seeds and chomps them up. This listener even finds the unopped popcorn seeds in the cat's litter box.

Is this bad for him? And also, he would like to know, what would happen if I put that cat in the microwave? Don't do that. No, don't do that. You're going to be seeing popcorn kernels in the poop for a long time. Oh, boy. Yeah, it's just, it's fine. Why are they accessible?

I know. You know, I never thought of that. Why, I wonder why they're so accessible? Why do you have so money? Do you live in a movie theater? You know, there's always, like, some left at the bottom of the bowl? Yeah. Maybe that's, we have an air popper, and that stuff, it'll just bounce all over the place where you can't find them.

Yeah, it could be that. So maybe, aside from some uncomfortable poos, Akiti should be okay? Yeah, it just doesn't digest very well. Yeah. It's like corn. It is hilarious thinking of it. His corn. Just like licking the little popcorn.

Baby corn. Josh, Throtis Maximus? Oh, I don't want. Throtal Recall. Throtamus Prime. We're getting there. Left-handed specialist Jesus says he has a cat, 10 years old,

always been a, quote, complete prick. But in the last few months, she's been really nice. Is she dying? Oh. I hope not. Maybe she just turned a corner. Maybe she realized that life's too short to be like that. I mean, sometimes they can have thyroid disease and that can totally change their personality.

So maybe check her thyroid out. It makes them a gentler, kindler character. Yeah, but usually it's the other way around. Usually they become jerks with thyroid disease. They're just hyperactive and their metabolism is like skyrocketing and they're agitated. But that thyroid disease can change a personality. Yeah. Very interesting.

Yeah, yeah. I see Dana's back. Holler at us when you'd like to play the audio of your colossal. I sent it to Josh. I'm not able to play it on. Oh, I hear you. Sorry. Here we go. We'll continue on. Oh, a four-year-old Bernice Mountain Dog. Sounds adorable. Cute. The dog has Pano?

Panastietis. It's just P-A-N-O is out there. Okay. Yeah. Where does that? Basically, it's growing pains. If that's what they're referring to, panastietis. I'll continue on. It says the dog has been walking around with a limp. Yeah. Now his eyes are very itchy. and he's rubbing the fur off.

They're saying the veterinarian he's been seeing says it's not the meds, what's going on. So Pano, number one, is a... It's basically growing pains and a large or giant breed dog. Did you say a dog's four, though? Four years old, yeah. That's crazy. Usually that's a puppy disease. So you might want to repeat x-rays, see if there's something else going on.

And then something going on with the eyes. That's totally unrelated. Okay. That's probably allergies. This time of year is so bad right now with the humidity and allergies. I think they're two separate issues. All right. Yeah.

Yeah, my brother's dog is dealing with allergies. Oh, it's so bad. His nose is just like, it's like raw and like just, it looks not good. It looks like he's on the brink of death, but they're like, no, just get some better job. I will walk into an exam room and I can smell the ear infection. I mean, it's so bad right now. Ear infections are so nasty. Because of the hot weather?

Yes, and they're panting and there's water. Does it help just like regularly cleaning their ears? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, for sure. All right. I was a regular ear cleaner for many years. Yes, Cubby.

I've got it. I've got the audio. I'm so excited. Dana sent it to me. And you're going to be able to hear this and maybe diagnosis. I don't know. All right, tell me when you're ready. You ready?

Yeah. Here we go. Oh, that didn't work. Are you ready? I did hear it. All right. Ready? Here we go.

No. He has an alien in his stomach. That's my diagnosis. It's better the second time. You know, here we are in the middle of summer. slam week, Dana. Some folks want to name your throat character. The throatal package, Lex Lugie.

Oh, I like that one. Holland throats. Game of throats. Thrody Mick Throat face, of course. Dina, when did you eat last? That's what I want to know. Last night of five o'clock. Are you hungry?

Yeah. Yeah, you might need some food in that belly. And also sometimes when I have an opportunity to take a sip of Gatorade, I really just go for it, and I think that's when it happens, is when I just chug like a good 10, 20 ounces of gatorade real quick. You might have a little hiatal hernia. Oh, no, what's that? Yeah, like a little hernia in your esophagus.

Have you heard? I'm not a human doctor. Ask Dr. P. Right, maybe I ask Dr. P. Yeah, next time he's in here, we should bring that up. You can ask him tomorrow. Oh, yeah. Have you been, you and your wife, you know, messing around with bondage or collars or anything?

Disturbing like that? No, nothing like that. Some injury to your throat. Dude, I did not need that mental image of Dana wearing a collar. TMI, Ashley says. TMI. Ambassador of Rubbish Jesus when he heard it, he thought his prostate was exploding. Oh.

That is a keeper, man. That's an all-timer. I feel it in my own throat. Totally. What about Throtilla the Hun? Another person. Well, I think we have our answer. I think we got to go with Throathausen.

Oh, yes. Brilliant. We're going with Throathaus. Who I get to meet on Saturday? I'm very excited. What? Why do you get to meet? How did this happen?

He's doing, they have the fan fest all weekend long, and he's doing photo opportunity. I bought a package. What do they want to meet throat, pardon me, Danhausen? For a photo of Dana Housen with Danhausen and $60 in trade. That's what you got to pay. That's not too bad. All right. Here's Dr. Andrea Johnston sitting in studio putting up with our nonsense here and trying to help some listeners out.

Yeah, I didn't really, did not mean to derail this segment. No, I needed to hear it. Well, no, we were looking for it. Yeah. No, I just meant in general. I derailed the day. When it happened a half hour ago, you did not know it would turn into, sure. You're a necromancer, according to same dong as my twin brother, Jesus.

German Shepherd sprayed by a skunk. So what? Tomato juice? Tomato juice, Coke. I mean, if you put them in like a tub full of Coke or soda and tomato juice, I mean, it's just, it's time. Yeah. It takes some time to get that smell. By the way, this poor dog has been sprayed twice.

Oh my gosh. What do you do it? Where do you live? Where do you live? Where to hell are you at? This is gross from Candy Sheezus, a female Boston Terrier, been passing some lung mucus strings. Three times this month from her nether region. Lung mucus from the, what?

She's spayed. She's also been scooting her butt on the floor and licking the air. Should I be making an appointment? I get what's going on. She probably had, yeah, I would. She probably has like a little infection down there. How old is she? Did they say?

Does not say. If she's been spayed, I'd check her out and make sure that that there's no like reproductive issue there. Sometimes like if the little uterine stump is still there, they'll have an infection in that. Get her checked out. Licking the air. Cute. Yeah, that's itchy. That means they're itchy.

Oh, really? One of our dogs does that. And they lick the air? Oh, no. Itchy. Did not know that. Yeah. Ah, what is this now?

A blue healer. Oh, slash border collie mix. Oh, pretty. Yeah. But you know what's happening, Dr. Andrea? Let's see here. Female, four years old. You know what's happening.

This pretty little girl is getting real chubby. And it says here, we do not overfeed her. Could something else be going on? Could there be something behind this weight gain? Yeah, I mean, that mix of breed should never be overweight because their metabolism, they're crazy, right? I mean, they're just going nonstop. Just running machines. Yeah.

I'd get her thyroid checked out. Once again, we're back to thyroid. Yeah. Cats run high, dogs run low. So maybe she's low in her thyroid and needs supplementation. Yeah. Dr. Andrea put one of our dogs on a diet. She was like, yeah, you guys are feeding him way too much.

Yeah, or it's just quantity. It's calories. Yeah. I mean, there's nothing more adorable than a big fat ass oversized dog. But you are messing with their health a little bit if you don't keep an eye on it. Sure. Totally. What Dr. Andrea told me and my husband and we were shocked because we,

I don't know. You start feeding them when they're a puppy, of course, and then you just continue to feed them what you normally feed them. I didn't know that as they age, the quantity of food changes. Yeah, their metabolism, just like a person, right? I mean, I'm not eating the same amount that I ate when I was 15. Yeah. I wish I was, but.

What it do, Jesus, has texted in to say, tomato juice and Coke, cool, so I can get all the skunk smell off my dog and cure my hangover. Yeah, a little Bloody Mary. Yeah, tomato juice and Coke. Hangover a cure. This person has two dogs both got into something and had explosive diarrhea. No parasites.

Bland diet didn't help. Eventually, they got a prescription for Hills Science Diet, fixed everything overnight. They're just wondering why the vet didn't lead with that prescription food. And they said it could have saved them two weeks of a nightmare. Yeah, it's pricey. It's really expensive. That's probably why. I'm assuming it's GI Biome.

It's a great food for diarrhea. but it's really pricey and it's low in calories, so you have to feed a lot. So maybe they started with kind of the more conservative, less expensive option, is my guess. But I get it. You don't want diarrhea for two weeks. Nope, that sucks. No. Does this sound, does this make sense to you, Dr. Andrea, a pit bull boxer mix, went to the vet. She had a thickening in her front paw, and they were told this was indicative of early arthritis.

Oh. Like if she's stiff and it's thick and a little bit swollen, yeah, absolutely. You'd have to take an x-ray to figure it out for sure if it's arthritis. But yeah, most likely. That's no fun. No. Emerald City Gardner, Jesus said his wife just called, said the cats knocked a whole stick of butter onto the floor and their 20-pound dog ate it up. Speaking of diarrhea.

Do we need to take her to the vet? No. I mean, there's nothing you can really do besides treat the symptoms from eating that stick of butter. God, I bet that was good. Oh, yeah. I bet it was, yeah. I bet that dog, it's the day of her life. I mean, so they can get pancreatitis from it, but you just have to treat their diarrhea and vomiting and dehydration.

I guarantee, it depends on how big the dog is. I think they said 20 pounds. Dogs can eat insane amount of things and be totally fine. Yeah. What do you do? Can you make them drink more? I don't even know. No, and you can't really induce vomiting for butter, right?

I don't know what would come up with that. It's not like it's like chocolate. Yeah. Butter's just so soft. I don't know. Yeah, I wouldn't induce vomiting. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X half-ass morning show.

Let's see here if we can hear from Throathausen one more time. You have to turn the music down a little bit. Yeah. Here we go. Oh. As made famous by Throathausen earlier this morning. Yeah, I've got to put a drumbeat underneath it and just. Nice remix to it?

Dude, I bet you could make like a cool industrial sounding rock song out of... Yeah, we should. Somebody said that it sounds like a sad. Oh, my gosh. Somebody said that it sounds like an angry cat. Do you think that's true? It does. It's interesting that, you know, here we are.

That was a noise that Dana's throat and stomach made on the air about 45 minutes ago, and it's become the hot new thing. It's throat-housin. And it's just funny that now we're having a conversation with our vet friend, Andrea Johnston. And yeah, a lot of people are comparing throat-housin to animal noises. Here's a guy who says it sounds like my cat

when she's pissed and I'm trying to load him into the kennel. When the cats make that deep gutter-or-old. I hate when they make that noise. That means, you know what that means, Ashley? They're not playing games anymore. Yep, run. I know you already said you're not a human doctor,

but you're a doctor. Is it time to put Dana down? Might be. Might be. Quality of life suffering. Yeah, we might need to have that conversation. Can I at least get through SummerSlam? week in before you put me out of my misery.

One last. One last hurrah. We're still jaw jacking with Dr. Andrea from German Animal Hospital. A couple more messages, or I should say questions, are headed your way. First off, a listener or two wanted to know if you're dialed into Jimithy. Oh, the raccoon? Yes. I kind of know a little bit about Jimothy.

Right? He's got a messed up back. Yeah. He walks weird. I kind of feel bad for him. I mean, I watch him on video or someone sent something to me. I was like, the poor guy. He's the hottest internet sensation.

He's a raccoon that runs around the streets of Seattle, and his spine was twisted or something, and he... Yeah. Jimothy is the new thing. Yeah, I mean, I follow. I know what's going on with them. Sure. But I don't really know what's going on with them.

Okay. If that makes sense. What about, what was that other guy? Nunu, the midget, the tiny... The hippopotamus? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Moody. Moody.

Yeah, that one was cute, too. We forget her name. Or the little baby monkey that needed a friend. Oh, my gosh. And they were bullying him? I know. I've never wanted to kill an animal so bad in my life. Leave him alone.

Josh, somebody bowled a monkey? I never saw that. She was so cute. Oh, bullied. Oh, I thought you said bold. Yeah. Not bold. Somebody was picking on a baby monkey on the internet.

All the other monkeys were picking on the baby monkey. Oh, well, that's just a natural order at the thing. They're toughening in a month. And he had like a little stuffed animal he'd carry with that. Well, that's why he got bullied. You're probably right. I thought there were human beings bowling a monkey. That's what I pictured for.

Sorry, sorry. Pita would be all over that in a hot second. What would be? PETA. Oh, yeah, yeah. They don't like monkey bowling. All right. Before we get out of here,

this sounds concerning. A listener says they have a 10-year-old Pomeranian who doesn't want to eat every day anymore. Hmm. Pomeranians are known for horrible teeth. I get his teeth and his mouth checked out first. Okay, okay. It could be...

He might eat some blood work. He's 10. Yeah. That would scare me a little bit. Teeth, I think, would be the preferred answer there, and it wasn't anything more serious than that. Yeah, I would get his teeth checked out and get an exam. Somebody wants to know, Dr. Andrea, how the heck do they keep their dog from jumping on the counters and trying to steal food? If I had that answer, my counter would be saved.

But, yeah, you've got to train them. Like sometimes people will use even like a little static electricity or little shot collars. Mouse trips. Wow, that's one great. That's a hell of an athlete dog to be able to jump up onto the counters. Oh, no. It's the front feet. Oh, I was picturing.

And they grab with them. Josh, I'm batting about 180 here. I can't understand what anyone's saying. That would be pretty freaking awesome to see. I wouldn't try to stop that. Well, maybe Ashley, your dog could teach that other dog to chew one of its legs off. And then it's unable to jump up on. Easy.

They would only have to spend like one. one day with her. One of our dogs, by the way, the trained one that went to a boot camp, he just started counter surfing. He'd never done that before. He's five which is really old for a great day. It's getting there. It's getting there. And he just started, and he doesn't care.

Sometimes there's other things going on with them that make them just ravenous, and they're hungry, so they're just starting to search for food. Maybe that's it. I don't know. I mean, we feed him. I hope he's not listening, but he's probably could lose a pound or two. Yeah, yeah. Dr. Andrea, here is a listener who texted in to say that they take an interest in medical advancements, the latest this, and the latest that.

So they're asking you, what is the newest procedure available for dogs and or cats? What is something that's come around here in the last couple of years that four or five years ago it wasn't even a thing? Well, I will say people are, they're approaching spays differently where you can actually leave the ovaries and take the years. uterus, so they still have their reproductive hormones. Okay. And they're doing it laparoscopically. And the reason behind that would be what? It just, it doesn't mess with like their cycles and their hormones, right?

So they aren't gaining weight. It's not like throwing them into perimenopause or menopause. The other thing is like there's some universities that are doing kidney dialysis in dogs and cats. Like NC State does that. Stem cell stuff. Cloning. I mean, we're like 10 to 15, maybe 20 years behind human medicine when it comes to this stuff.

Okay. So, but. Cloning. It still freaks me out when I hear. That's not right. I know. Watch the movie Pet Cemetery. That's all I think about it.

It would be just like that. It would be a possessed version of your beloved pet. There's just so many animals that need homes. Exactly. You're cloning your own? I just, I don't know. That's a good point. Yeah.

Have you, and I don't mean to make light of this text at all, but have you ever investigated a possible murder in the pet world. I was really hoping that we had time for this. Wow. Why do you ask such a question, John? Because of a text we received. Interesting. So I'll just kind of sum it up. This person

son is going through a terrible divorce. And he has a horse who was very healthy. The ex apparently wrote it over the weekend and now the animal is dead. Dude. They want to know, can you do like a post-mortem toxicology? Take him

down to the U of M. Okay. They will do all of it. They'll do toxicology. They'll do a full necropsy or autopsy. There are, believe it or not, forensic veterinary, veterinarians. One of my classmates is, but they actually investigate, like, human murders with the animal involved. So they'll do, like, testing on the animal hair and the pattern of the pet in the home.

Dude, that is such a cool job, right? But, yeah, take them down to the U of the U of the U of. Gosh, I hope it was... I mean, it's sad enough that the pet or that horse passed away, but the thing that could have happened. Dude thinks that his girlfriend or whatever the situation was might have killed his horse. Sounds like they're just trying to rule that out. F me. Yeah, that dog, or that horse needs a autopsy.

How about that? What a terrible situation. Hopefully they get that figured out. My goodness, I can't even imagine. That's like, what's that movie? Fatal Attraction stuff right there. You guys, I've had, like, pets come in that are. shared custody and we can't use the pet's last name because the divorce couple has not agreed

on what last name the pet will take. You have to be kidding me. You have to be kidding. No, so on the chart, it will be like, do not use the last name. Dang. Because they have not decided. That's really hating the other person more so than loving the pet. We can only call this character Peaches.

She does not have a last name because the family's fighting over her. The couple is fighting. I don't know about you guys, but I do find it quite a late. when I have to get a medication for my dog or something, and it says, like, Widow Nord. Like, she doesn't have a last name. She does have a last name. Well, she should take your husband's name.

Yeah, yeah. We just, we haven't changed it yet. That's tradition. I mean, she could be more modern. It's a lot of paperwork she has to go through to do that. Yeah, hyphenate it. Could you a batch? Dude, a hyphenated pet name?

That goes into the record books. Oh, no. Absolutely. All right. We ought to get going again. but we always appreciate your time, Andrea. I love it. 93X.

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