93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Tiny Sin Stick

Episode Date: January 16, 2026

It's alright, it's okay, you can work for us some day. Gaming grandma goes undefeated. Everything you wanna know about National Do Nothing Day. Originally aired Friday, January 16, 2026. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve is 1930. The 93X-Hapast morning show. 90. How long is the music that's playing? Just a couple of seconds. Okay.

For a second there, when I finally turned my headphones up, I thought maybe we'd been sitting here for five or ten minutes. Time flies. Not just a couple of seconds. Closing her down after this one. That's right. Even the most miserable nightmares eventually come to an end.

Says here it's 541. In the God Blessing A.m. Thanks for joining us this morning on the 93X Half-Hast Morning Show. Oh, and I believe we're about ready to celebrate a three-day weekend. Monday being Martin Luther King Day? Correct. Yeah, I actually kind of forgot about that.

Oh, I completely forgot. Wonderful. Which would be nice. I hate myself. I have something going on Sunday night, and before I was a little miserable about it. just because I'm like, God, on a work night, why do I have to go out late on a work night?

But that's not the case anymore. Are you guys going to the Christmas party today? Absolutely. Haven't missed one in many years. Nobody usually acknowledges my existence. But I will be going to that. I will not be, because I don't think I should bring my son to a bar. I don't think he's at that age.

Got to do it sometime. Might as well get out of the way. They can't smoke in there anymore. What's the difference? Yeah, I don't. People don't like a baby in a bar. That's true. You know what you had, and a lot of parents have this, Ashley, you didn't have a baby. You had a built-in excuse several months ago.

Right. You've already used it. I can't believe you brought it up once to get out of a work event. I got the kid, you know, what am I going to do? My husband's at work. Yeah, sure. You got it all set. I see what you're doing there.

Your secret safe with me. Also, it's not worth putting him in the car seat and he cries. He cries if he's in there longer than, like, 23 minutes. Not as hard as I would cry if I had to attend today's company party. Not a chance in hell. Are you going to see me at today's... This is a company Christmas party, right? Yes, 2 p.m. January 16th. 2 o'clock on a Friday. Not a chance in hell will you see me today? It's such a weird time. 2 p.m. is when I'm sound asleep every weekday. So, sorry. I'm debating. Do I go home? I mean, I've got stuff I could do here. Some things I do.

have to do here. Yes, you go home. What are you out of your mind? Well, then I got to, what am I going to do? Go to seven nine. You're going to kill five hours? No, no, like I said, I have some things I got to do. I have to be here for a couple hours. Sleep. Oh, well. Josh, look into my eyes. Yes. Sleep. Now, here's a problem. Now that I've started looking, they're too adorable to look away. Yeah, are you out of your freaking mind? Well, I could like run to guitar center or something. Oh. I don't know. Oh, that'd be, yeah, go get some lunch. Sure. Anything but sitting here, for four hours. Sorry, I meant like more stay in town after I wrap up here.

Oh, sure. Yeah, definitely get some lunch. You don't want to wait that long. Get something to eat. Run some errands. Actually, I'm glad you brought up lunch because you guys know I'm a work in progress. I'm trying to improve certain things about myself. My most recent improvement would be at the end of a phone call, not speeding up.

For whatever reason, I think it's in my family where you kind of go, okay, it's good to to talk about you just kind of speed up until you hang up. Okay. So now I've slowed down. Wonderful to have this conversation. I'll talk to you another time. And then you hang up. This is something you've been working on.

I've been working on it and I've gotten better at it. I've never noticed that you have that habit on the telephone. Well, I appreciate, yeah, I've gotten, but it's been, this has been like a year now where I've, you know, worked on it. Wow. Because you know how it used to be between you and me. It'd be you hang up. No, you hang up.

You hang up. You hang up, that kind of thing. Okay, so continue on. So you'll be the perfect person to ask Nick. for many reasons. You've helped me through a lot in my life. Yesterday we ran into someone we enjoy. I'm sorry, I'm going to lose my date.

Are you writing? Are you writing with a marker? Yeah. I can hear that. That was crazy loud. That picked up? Oh, yeah. For some reason, yeah.

I've never heard you write or click before, but I couldn't ignore it. I'm sorry, Josh. I don't mean to interrupt you. No, it's fine. It was so lot. What were you writing? Do you mind sharing with the class? I was just writing down the weather for today when I have to give the weather later.

Oh, gosh. I just jotting it down quick. Cubby's over here spilling his guts about all his personal problems. I'm telling you I'm a work in progress, Dana. And I'm more concerned about the weather. Yeah, that's great. Thanks a lot. Turn down your magic marker.

Josh is trying to tell us about his mental problems. So yesterday we run into a guy that we love and he doesn't come to town very often. Who the hell is we? Who's we? You and I. What? James. Oh, sure.

He's awesome. we ran into a guy. Yes, we did. And there are times I think, I mean, I was surprised to see him. Oh, no. I get very excited. Oh, no. And I feel my greeting might be so enthusiastic. It puts somebody off base a little bit.

I know you really, really like James. He's the best. You're the best. He's second best. I'm sorry. I know you really, really like James. We all do. He's one of the best people to ever come into this company.

in the 30 years we've been here. Easily. But I think you make him a little uncomfortable. Well, because I, especially when I don't expect to see him. So what happened yet? No, we did not expect to see him. What happened? What did you do?

Okay, so my greeting was very enthusiastic, and I realized, okay, eats it back there, douchebag. You're aware, you're self-aware. But what I think I do, and this is what I was going to ask you, Nick, I think when I'm excited to see somebody, especially, I talk very loud. And yesterday when I walked out, I kind of thought, do I go back in and say, I'm sorry for the volume of my voice?

I don't know why I was talking so loud. Stop yelling at people, dude. I didn't notice anything about, I didn't notice anything different about the volume of your speaking voice. Okay. See, what happened was when we were leaving yesterday, when I walked out the door, the first thing I see is Josh and Jen.

James talking. So I kind of entered the picture a little later. I noticed nothing different about the volume of your speaking voice. So let me ask you, I chatted for one or two minutes and I said, look, I got to go. Did I really have to leave? No. But I wanted to. And I love James. And obviously, I'm very fond of you. But when it's time to go, it's time to go. We talk. We talk. for a living. I don't need much extra talking after. So let me ask you. Yeah. And I don't want to know the answer, but I have to ask. And I know we keep revisiting this bit. But you just said a few minutes ago, you're working on improving certain things about yourself. I'm a work in progress. My God, you were just a second-guessing champion of Hennepin County. Did I speak too loud?

What's that supposed to me? Did I stay too long? Did I? How long did you and Jenner? James talk after I left, be honest. Oh, no. Until seven minutes before the show this morning. Come on. How long did you and James talk after I left? Not really that long. Okay.

Well, what's not really that long? Just maybe another five or ten minutes. Ten minutes is a long time. Well, he has, he's in town for a very brief amount of time and he had a bunch of stuff to do. So we were, the reason I brought it up, well, actually, I wanted to bring it up anyways. but when you said lunch that we talked about maybe doing that, me and James. So that's where I thought. We'll do that.

Head to Guitar Center. I know you like them a lot. We all do. But I think you make them a little uncomfortable. I probably do. Like I said, sometimes my enthusiasm, it's happened on the year before where my enthusiasm is so instantaneous and powerful. I have to ease it back a little bit afterwards. So I'm working on that too.

I'm a work in progress. Josh, I was there for the very beginning of that conversation with James. James. James was walking into the building as we were walking out, and I saw the excitement on your face, and we were standing there chatting for a bit, and I thought we were kind of in like the entry away with the door open. I go, oh, no, is Josh going to like make him stand here and be freezing and talk to him? But then you said, and this is the company. You said, oh, hey, I don't want to make you cold. Let's walk into the main building and talk. That's right. You did do a good job with that. I'm very concerned with people's body temperatures. Well, I had completely forgotten about today's company Christmas party. So 2 o'clock today, perfect for everyone. Two o'clock in the afternoon on a Friday. That's perfect for everyone.

Not lunchtime or dinner time. Right in the middle. Second lunchtime. I'm sure it'll be a huge crowd, and I'm sure it'll go all night long. But you said something 10 minutes ago about the company Christmas party. and maybe this is more work we need to do with you. You said something like even though no one acknowledges my presence or something? I was mostly kidding.

Oh. I'll tell you what. That's nothing I should be concerned about? No, no, no, no. Yeah, because I usually talk to you. You do. You're very kind. I got, I think I've told you this, Nick, before.

But I got big time, the most I've ever been big-timed, has sadly been by a former co-worker in this building. who worked at a different radio station. Former co-worker in this building who works for a different... He worked at one of the other radio stations here in this building. Here in this building. Okay, sure. I mean, I went to say hi, and I mean, it was the rudest most big-time blow-off I've ever experienced,

sadly, from a co-worker who we've known for a very long time. Okay, what happened? I mean, it was like a solid eyeballing. This was at a past Christmas party. Yeah, a couple years back. You walk in, you are eyeballed? Well, when I went to talk to him, big time, like kind of a, hey, why would somebody at your level talk to somebody at my level, had that attitude, where even one of the sales guys was like, what's his problem? Okay.

Well, that's too bad. Yeah, I was a little disappointed. I ended up making a point of going back a few times to force him to talk to me, and then we ended up talking. But, yeah, I've been big time by other radio people before, but never in our own building. So he just. He just ignored you, didn't have any interest in talking to you. Oh, not at all. He shooed you away quickly.

I mean, the guy, you'd know, he acts like a rock star all the time. Well, that doesn't narrow it down. I realize that as I said it. Now, Josh is going to write me down the name. So a couple of years ago, you had this terrible experience with a former coworker. Well, it was kind of, you know, have you ever had something that was so abrasive and out of nowhere and unnecessary where that was funny? I mean, I kind of thought more than anything it was funny. No, I don't, I can't say that I've had that direct.

I definitely did, where I was kind of laughing. I just started laughing like, this is crazy. Here's a question from a listener. This might change my approach today. Offended millennial Jesus wants to know if we get paid to be at our Christmas party. I don't know. No. I don't think, I mean, maybe hourly employees?

Well, yeah, hourly employees probably would. Yeah. But I don't know for sure. I know very, I'm often the last guy in the building to know anything about. We don't get paid for that. All right, Josh has written down the name of the guy who was rude to you at a past company Christmas party. And yeah, this guy's a donkey dick. Today's the day.

Today, by the way, is one of those silly unofficial holidays. And when it comes to silly unofficial holidays, today is one that I do encourage folks to follow. Most of these silly unofficial holidays are so dumb. What was the one last week, like National Fart Day or whatever it was? Pass Gas Day. Good Lord. Leave us alone with that. But today is one that, in my opinion, carries a little more weight.

I think, do yourself a favor and take this one for its word. Today is National Do Nothing Day. Way ahead of you, said Congress. I stole that joke, by the way. That's not my joke. I don't even know. What is this Congress ahead of us? I don't know.

Did you really steal it or are you just saying that because it didn't go over very well? Oh, it went over great. And no, I did steal that joke. I can't believe what I just heard. That's beautiful. If I ever made a political joke in my life, that's a good point. I just saw it and I thought that's kind of funny.

National Do Nothing Day. And some of you might already be texting in, you know, I celebrate that every day. And great. But if you can, take advantage, man. Take advantage. I don't know how many bosses are going to listen to you when you're sitting in the corner of the warehouse doing jack squat,

and they approach you and you say, hey, bro, it's National Duna. I don't know how many bosses would accept that. But if you can find a way, follow this one. Because we all know there's nothing greater in the entire world than doing absolutely nothing. Yeah. Like weekends. Perfect on weekends. I would say Friday's a great day for that.

You could probably get away with that easier than any other day. Oh, right. During the week. Yeah, that's, you know, this has been an unofficial holiday since 1973. Some newspaper writer came up with it. What does it say here? You know, of course, you are supposed to celebrate by doing nothing at all. the holiday always falls on January 16th that just so happens that this year it falls on a Friday so sure

according to a report from last year we Americans need 60 quote lazy days per year to feel rested and relaxed I don't know how you come up with a number there right but that's what I had that's the arithmetic I have in front of me back when people came into the building they did you notice it well Nick I know me you You probably didn't. But on company holidays, let's say, you know, like we got one on this Monday, Friday would be a half day. Oh. Or if it was not, the day before was always a half day in this building. Sure.

Which obviously didn't affect us, but they used to get that kind of a perk. But now, I mean, people don't come in now, so it's a moot point. Yeah, except on Tuesdays. Tuesdays. You're right. Tuesdays today we realize we have coworkers. Kind of brights me a little bit. It startles me, you know.

There's other humans here. People are here besides Nick, Josh, and Ashley? I try to get out of here as fast as possible on Tuesdays. I'm very on edge in the hallways. Go on the back door. Why are you on edge when you're in the hallways? On Tuesdays because the other coworkers we have are in the building. Oh.

If I hear talking, I go the other way. Why? I'm like, I don't want to get trapped in a conversation. I want to go home. You guys are great. What you're saying right now is almost sexual. me. Yeah, we agree with you, actually. We couldn't agree with you more.

Just being honest. Sorry, guys. Some folks plan out their nothing days. These must be people with, you know, miserable, ungrateful children and terrible things like that going on. Because when they know they have nothing to do on a certain day, they'll mark it on the calendar, so nobody F's with them. Oh, that's got to feel good. Oh, I would just stare at that all week, just in anticipation. It's only Monday and Friday is my F-off day.

Imagine waking up on your F-off day, though. Ashley, you start one of those paper chains that we used to make in elementary school to count down days for Christmas. Yes. Like an Advent calendar. Is there anything else you want to talk about before today's Christmas party? Anything else you're worried about, concerned about? No, I got a couple things for you. On my way home yesterday, I saw a car that had what looked like these big fans on it almost,

like you might see a tornado chaser, you know, like a big spinning fan of some sort. Okay. And I got closer and we got stuck at the same train. Are you talking about on a trailer? No, on the car itself. On top of the car, there's a fan blade. Yeah, and on the back there was like these little, almost like props. It was kind of weird.

Okay. I've seen that before. Go ahead. Oh, okay. That's probably the same thing. It was a Waymo self-driving taxi. You know, they're testing them out in the cities to try and figure them out in the snow. And I had heard that we talked about the story, but I'd never seen one before. Okay. It was very odd looking. I've never seen one in person, but I saw one on the

internet a day or two ago, noticed it and then moved on, never looked into what it was, because I was just kind of clicking through this and that. Okay, so what do the fan blades have to do with it being a self-driving? I'm assuming it must be some sort of

censor of what's around it. I couldn't tell you. But that's what first I saw. I'm like, why does that have a beanie on top of that car? So there are self-driving cars here in the Twin Cities? Yeah, testing them out. And I believe the story we read was

they're trying to make sure they're work in the winter and they're going to winter climates. Obviously yesterday wouldn't have done much for it. Well, that's fascinating. I didn't know we had them in town. Spooky. Not that it matters to me, I will never, ever get into a self-driving car. But we had a conversation off air with somebody a couple days about self-driving cars, and I had one question. Can they see potholes?

Oh, and the answer was yes. Yeah, we were talking about Tesla's. Tesla's, yeah. Oh, oh, we were talking about Tesla's? Yeah, they do have a self-driving feature. Oh. Now it's going to be a subscription, and I wonder how folks feel about that. But now it'll be a subscription feature, and we looked it up to see. At first they did it. That was like, you know how they give you the AI overview now when you Google something?

So it said they did it and now that they're saying they do. They recognize potholes. You better be able to. No kidding. By God. My road. Like I'd Mill Road back in the day? Oh, my God.

Holy cow. You're letting it drive for you. You just hit the biggest pothole ever. I used to, well, I do. I take that twice a day. I'd mill road. And for a while. I'm from the West Metro and I even know.

the significance of I'd Mill Road. I think everyone does. Even if you've never been out. Notorious. One time I coughed and I coughed up a kidney because it was just shaking in there so much, it just shook loose. Unreal how many potholes it used to have. My route home is treacherous. It was like... Currently? Currently it is? Well, actually, I noticed that a lot of the really horrible potholes have been filled temporarily. because for God's sake it was like driving on Mars a couple of weeks ago, but they filled in the keepers. That's one thing I was curious about the other day when we were talking about self-driving cars.

Can they see a stinking pothole? Because if I am balsy enough to sit in the back of a self-driving car, you know, I want to know that I'm not going to have my spine cracked in half by a 70 mile per hour pothole on the way to the brothel or wherever the hell I'm heading at the time. Along those lines, did you know that you can't get your bean snapped on the back of a Waymo? Like if they catch any sexual activity,

somebody gets over the loudspeaker and says, hey, knock that off there, pal. Oh, I thought that was the whole point. Yeah, well, that's what I would think, too. Yeah. Like, hey, on a drunken evening, you can just kind of get something going on the way home. Yeah.

I think I had heard before that you can't whack off or get a piece of ass in the back of a self-driving car. I'm just sitting here really appreciative that you used reference to sex that... Our uncles used to say that... Yeah, that's mostly used by men who graduated in the mid-50s. Yeah, I had to use some context clues to figure out what you were talking about. You had heard that before? Yeah, it was like something my uncles would say, yeah, you're going to go get your beans snapped if we were coming out?

Yeah, I've heard that. You didn't know that one, Dana? No. That's something my dad used to say back in the day. Yeah, I think I'm going to go out tonight and get my bean snapped. And then us kids are like, come on, dude, no. It's such a gross, crass way to say. I'm sorry, I even brought it up, but I thought that was kind of a funny thing.

When he wasn't driving truck, he was out there looking to get his bean snap. He was. What else did you have? You had self-driving cars. Oh, I got something else, sure. Sorry. No, no, you said you had a couple of things. I try and have something in case we're running short.

Yesterday, what's the phrase? I didn't see that on my 2026 bingo car. Or the other one is something I didn't know I needed until I saw it. Gwar, Nick, the wonderful Gwar. Gwar is God and there is no escape from God. Yeah, they put out a video. yesterday where they did a cover of Chapel Rowan's pink pony

club? Oh, come on. Oh, nice. Didn't Marcus Felino say they used to play that in the locker room a lot with the Wild? Yes, I remember something with him in that song. And one of the Canadian teams used it as like their kind of rally anthem for Wild too. You know, I think I'm mistaken. Yeah, I think that's what it was. We talked to Marcus

about it. They'd play it in the arena. They all sing along. That's right. That's right. So I was mistaken. We did talk to Marcus about it, but it wasn't the Wild that did it. And so the video is really funny. I want to play a little bit of it. So I apologize to the podcasters. But if you look up the video, I think you'll like it because it's Guar singing this song. And if you haven't seen Guar, I don't want to ruin it, but they're hilarious looking.

Oh, God. They're so, I mean, they're so evil. I haven't seen them in so many years. And then they sing this popular pop song. If I can get my computer. I don't know if I know the song terribly well, but. All right, here's Guar's version. I love it.

They do that sometimes. Did they do get out of my dreams and into my car, the old 80s songs? That doesn't ring a bell. I remember one of their covers that we played on this radio station now and again was when they covered Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas. I like that song. They sound very different without odorous, eurungus on lead vocals. It's been a long time since I've followed Guar.

but one of the most memorable concerts I ever attended was Guar at First Avenue, I think it was 1990 for God's sake. I was not prepared. I was not prepared for how grotesque and hilarious and obscene a band could be live on stage. It's when I fell in love with Guar. Again, the video makes it. Just watching these guys sing these songs. It's great. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I know how much you like them,

and I think for that reason, anytime I see them, I kind of crack up. I saw them on their scum dogs of the universe tour. Sounds right. What do they call their fans? Don't they have a name? Slaves, I think. Is that what it is?

I don't remember. Well, no, Guar slaves are the characters. Slipknot obviously has maggots. I don't remember. Oh, really? I did not know that. I'm pretty sure that's what they call their fame. I mean, I know back in the day they had just these characters that would wander around on stage,

and they were defined by the band as Guar Slaves. And just a bizarre moment. So we went to see them at First Avenue. We were 18-year-old kids and were hanging out outside the club after the show, me and a couple of buddies. And we recognized a couple of these characters. Guar Slaves is what they were. recalled. These guys who would kind of dress in just little bikini bottoms and chains, you know, they were kind of meant to look like sex slaves on stage. We noticed them wandering around outside the

club and me and my totally and equally naive buddy 18 years old. We were like, hey man, we love the show. And the guy said, you want to come with us to our next show in Milwaukee? No. But thanks for asking. We didn't like it that much. The guy says, no, you can come on the bus. He's ride with us on the bus. Our next show is in Milwaukee.

And my pal and I, all right, dude, well, thanks. We'll see you. What the hell are you doing trying to drag us all the way? No way home then. Dude, you would have never came home. No kidding. I like the Guar show, but I'm not going to Wisconsin.

Johnson with Guar. We just met Guar. Yeah, I would assume you guys were about to be drained of blood when you're going to eat you or something. Is Ball Sack the Jaws of Death still a member of Guar? Boy, I'm not too sure. What about Beefcake the Mighty? Yeah, you had to be there. All right.

Sticker Sheez has said, check out carry on my wayward son by Guar. We mentioned that one. It is a fun cover. she's been to 12 Guar concerts. Yeah, that's impressive. And Nick, you'll have to explain this to me. Yes. She's been through the meat grinder on stage.

What is that? No, see, I don't know. Oh, you're not sure. No, I mean, I saw them in concert a couple times, but it's been a long time since I followed them, and they're always updating their different gimmicks on stage, so I'm not sure. I don't think I saw the meat grinder on stage.

I saw a lot of enormous fake genitalia and I saw what it can do to the first five, six rows of the crowd. All different kinds of. I've seen fake limbs caught off, is all you say. A lot of blood being fake blood into the crowd. But I'm not exactly sure what the meat grinder does. That's funny.

I can guess. I came close to getting a joshelated on at a Romstein concert. Remember, you know how he'd have that fake? I mean, the pyrotechnics were incredible, but I wasn't expecting the fake Johnson to come out and kind of spray everybody. That's awesome. Luckily, my seats were a little too far back. That stuff can go far.

That's a heck. I mean, ropes, man. That guy can go for it. So our seats were a little too bad to get hit. But it was too close for comfort. Friggin' guar. All right. We should get going.

It's our Friday program. We're done after this one. and by damn, we're happy to have you. When we return, we'll jump into the stupid news report. Be right back on the program ski. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimpz? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheeding.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki.

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Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Acid rock. Acid rock. Today's our big company Christmas party, huh Josh?

Today's the day. Are you excited? Yeah, yeah, that's fun. Seeing folks we don't get to see too often. as nobody comes in here anymore, as we've mentioned. Yeah, you know, singing folks. When did you start working here? It has changed where now it's like, hey, so-and-so is taking a job someplace else.

It's never been this way. You know, this year's 30 years for me in this building. It used to be like, oh, that's sad that so-and-so is leaving. But at this point, it's like, who's so-and-so? Right. Never met him, hadn't heard of that person, nothing like that. My biggest problem of the Christmas parties is I don't know anybody's name. Yeah, that can present a problem.

Hey, you. Hey, it's great to know you, colleague. We'll get to the stupid news here in just a minute. Dana's ordering white claws from various people. No, I, dude, I'm your superior. Yeah. But speaking to company Christmas parties, yeah, it's kind of weird. Maybe it's even more than just kind of weird that are.

company Christmas party is on January 16th at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. Got a text from a listener who says if you think today at 2 is a bad time for a Christmas party, he says his company's having theirs next Wednesday at 10 a.m. It sucks. Be prepared to cut loose. Warehouse She Jesus said hers is tonight. She's having a Christmas party tonight. I can't get involved.

Now, I know some of you have been wondering, stressing. about this, but rest easy. Dairy feeding Jesus has sent in his bowling league update. Oh, how's he doing? Well, I don't know if he talks about himself much. He's a pretty humble character, dairy feeding Jesus, especially when it comes to his bowling, because he humble. He texted in, can I get a word up for the house contracting rollers who dominated the opposition last night at Princeton Lane? Heck yeah. That sounds like a joint eye to hang out in. Princeton Lanes. It was their Thursday night mixer, Josh.

That's awesome. Big word up to my dog, Wes. He had a great performance last night. He rolls them rocks with no mercy on the pins. And he said, when his club got the win last night, they were dicks about it. That's great. Yeah, that's kind of what we encourage around here. Be a dick.

Thanks for the update, Gary Feeding Jesus. We'd like to hear about the Prince. Boston Bowling League now and again. Crocs with Sox Jesus said their Christmas party is February 6th. Is it like a 2026 Christmas party or are we back to 2025? I mean, just forget it. Yeah, just punt at that point. Who cares?

Yeah, make it a Valentine's Day party or something. Is this a contractual obligation or something? Why push it to February? Why bother? And then he says, I spend a third of my life with these jag-offs. Why would I want to spend more time with them? I agree. everyone here is a jagoff.

Short but fat she's, they're going to her dad's tomorrow for family Christmas. Oh, man. Ridiculous. Kind of tough to get in the holiday spirit at this point. Oh, this is funny.

Somebody said they almost tuned out when they heard us talk about our Christmas party today because they thought it was a backtrack. That's saying something. That would make sense. All right. F this.

It's been a grope. week for the stupid news. It really has. There's one that stands out more than others for sure. Well, let me cover a couple that came to mind. It's been a gross week earlier this week. We told you about an eight-foot-wide, crusted booger wall. That's the one.

We told you about a guy who took a potato and rammed it smooth up his leather chiro. It's just been awful. If you can stand it, I've got one more for you. And then I promise we're all done with this kind of thing until next week at the earliest. In the far southern United States, far southeastern portion of 55-year-old gal, who runs one of those sexy massage parlors.

Haven't been to one yet. Where does a guy go to get a rub and a tug in this town, a friend of mine used to say? Boy, I don't, are they, I mean, there's a couple near us that there's rumors, but that's all they are, rumors at this point. Do you guys have any idea? No, I have no way. I mean, when you see one, you can kind of guess that there's probably something going on there. You know, if you see one in a strip mall somewhere in a shady part of town,

you can probably guess that something's going on behind the scenes there. Are there code words, or how do you get it? something going. Hand job. That's what it is? What if they don't understand? Is that too vague? Me want hand job.

There used to be one that I was well aware of the options. What made you well aware? Friends. Oh, gotcha. Who knew from direct

and illicit contact. But it's been years since I thought about the joint. I have a friend. that went at least once and the woman complimented his penis which I don't know if that's part of the service or if she really

I'd imagine if she's doing that she's probably seen a lot and she liked his that's all any of us are looking for just one nice thing about it just one nice word about our unit a 55 year old gal who operates a massage parlor

lost her damn mind she goes by the name of Fang Wang, she lost her ever-loving mind over there at the massage parlor, and she ended up doing something so revolting. I'd only expect to see this kind of thing in the darkest corners of an insane asylum. Says here, the folks from the local Department of Health stopped by Fang Wang's massage shop for what they call here a routine inspection.

They were very likely swinging by the parlor to check to see if any local businessmen were paying for an H.J or a good face sitting or something over there. Fang Wang did not appreciate the Department of Health nerds paying her a visit. So she started with the hollering up and down. She did. Screaming and carrying on. Pissed off that the Department of Health had the balls. to stop by and question her joint. Then she got physical with a feller who worked for the Department of Health,

and it got so buckwild that the real police were called. So the cops walk in. Fang Wang is in a frenzy, and they had no choice but to attempt to detain Fang Wang to try and get her to calm the ever. down. Well, just seeing the police made Fang even more furious.

And when they attempted to put the cuffs on Miss Wang, she tried to poo on them. Like a hippopotamus. Well, to get her to calm down,

Ashley, I thought with women, you just tell them to calm down. They realize they're not calm, and then they calm down immediately. Usually. That's the way it goes. By the way, it's bigger when it's warm out, Jesus. He's answered the question.

I was wondering, well, is there like a code word or something if you go to a massage parlor just to make sure everybody's cool with what you're requesting? And he said there is. The code word is Fang Wang. Oh, God. That makes sense. I will take one Fang Wang. The official police report, okay, so Fang Wang tried to poop on the cops.

The official police report states, that Fang Wang quote defecated towards the officers to evade arrest there are a lot of unsan how do you say it Josh there are a lot of unanswered questions here number one being what do you mean she defecated

towards the officers she aimed her ass at them and was it explosive right she she knew it was pushed one up as hard as she could. She attempted to launch it.

Is she able to poop for distance? Was she not wearing any pants or underwear? I hate to tell you this. I hate to admit it, but there is no further information on what they mean exactly when they say that she defecated towards officers. They don't describe her taking down her pants

or her underwears. All I can tell you for certain is that Fang Wang is now in jail for all that. I would kind of ruin any illegal hand job I was in the middle of just to know she's capable of that too? Yeah, it would. Yep.

I'm not going back. Some people are into that. I guess, yeah. So maybe we'll be lucky in next week there'll be an update and there'll be more details on what exactly did this Fang Wang do. The only time I've able, the only time I've ever seen someone able to be able to. to literally launch one was that

godforsaken video from Tim Horton's restaurant Oh, that video's awesome Oh, it's horrible. That's not awesome. I haven't thought about that in so long. How did she do that?

That was amazing. So, you know, of course, that horrible if you don't know what we're talking about years ago at the Tim Horton's restaurant, I know it's a Canadian restaurant and I do believe this video came from Canada. I think you're right. Because we had

some of them in the States here for a while. Yep, we had one right by us. We had some of them in I don't know what the rest of the country, but yeah, we had some in Minnesota. I never went there. You like the joint? Yeah, they have, they're like a coffee and breakfast place. Oh, yeah, donuts and whatnot. Yep. So, this video for many

years ago, I believe this was an unhappy female customer. And, you know, drugs and alcohol, I think, came into play. Was so mad about something that that had happened to her at Tim Hortons, that she quickly, I believe she pulled up her jeans skirt. I want to say she was wearing a jean skirt.

That doesn't matter. She was able to get her ass out of her pants or out of her jeans skirts, and she pooped on the floor at Tim Hortons. But if you watch the video, it looked like a fish. It looked like a five-pound walleye jumped out of her ass. she was able to launch it. I think she'd been hanging on to that one for a while.

Either that or her diet is incredibly fibrous. So the Tim Horton's video came to mind when I read about Fang Wang. Yeah, anytime poop video is talked about or any poop weaponizing has talked about, I think of that. All right, I messed up. Your mom's chest hair, Jesus. Ashley, let me know if I screwed this up. I missed an important part. When you tell a woman to calm down,

then you need to tell them they're acting like their mother, and that's a guaranteed de-escalation. That's really smart. Definitely take this advice. Ashley, is this the liquor talking, or did you once tell us that one of your dreams as a kid was to be an archaeologist?

I mean, I think it's really cool. I would have totally been okay with doing that. You've talked in the past about you have an interest in rocks and agates and things like, right? Yeah. Do you still collect them? Yes. Yeah, I have. I was actually showing my son, Eggats for the first time yesterday.

I taught him that you have to lick them to really see the lines on them. You know, he's going to eat those. Yeah. Oh, definitely. I was thinking about how I have to, like, hide all of the rocks I have. What are we licking? Eggets. Agates.

Yeah, it makes them, you can, like, see the pretty parts better. Oh. What a gig. The archaeologist out in the middle of nowhere's deep throat and dust, hour after hour, day after day, year after year. Just for the chance that you and some other pack of science-y gibronies can pull a 6,000-year-old nipple ring out of the dirt. A nipple ring that belonged to effing king, or something. Sounds absolutely awful to me.

It sounds so cool. Wandering around the 200-degree desert looking for a prehistoric nipple ring. I'd rather be dead. I'd be worthless in that because I think, oh, look at these old pots. That's garbage. You know, it's just all this stuff that's probably worth tons of money. I would think it's just complete garbage. Sounds just awful to me.

What an awful occupation. Here's the deal in a place called Sicily, a group of emaciated archaeologists discovered an ancient voodoo doll with a boner. But it's cool they got boners back then. It's like a little ceramic doll that has a hard on. And like all of their other discoveries, archaeologists are dying for us to care. Oh, but we don't.

This one's kind of funny. You found an old doll with a boner. Sorry, dudes, don't care. Looks like he's tucking it in the waistband of his sweatpants, kind of. That's how it's... I expected it to be protrude. That is what it, you're right. It's kind of pointed straight up.

It is exactly like he has it tucked into the elastic of his sweatpants. Isn't that a damn shame? These archaeologists, they want us to care. We don't care. After all that frigging work, months of digging, it's hot. We don't care. There's somebody somewhere that cares. I can't say that I'm not impressed by one thing here.

They say their little doll with a bone on is over 2,000. How do you say it, years old? 2,000 years old and some bitch can still get wood. Josh, I guarantee if I make it to 2,000-year-old, my gear will be as soft as taffy. Yeah, I'm with you on that one. We need a kickstand to make that thing work. The story goes on to talk about the history of the doll

and what it means and this and that. But no, we don't care. So I edited it out. They know we don't. don't care, right? Oh, they assume we care. I mean, because they do work their asses off. Yeah, very careful. Hot as balls. They dig and dig and dig. Little brushes and whatnot. Have you ever done that, Ashley, like at, like the dinosaur exhibit here. When that comes to town, they have a little little archaeology. Like it's going to like a sandbox and there'd be a fake dig, basically. Yeah, I've done stuff like that.

I bet they can't even get their wives to care anymore. You know what I mean? Oh, man. Reminds me when I build like a cool Lego creation, I show it to my wife, and she goes, oh, yeah, that's great. Nothing? She doesn't think, uh... No, she's not impressed. What did you do?

Like when I'll build a big Lego set and I'll be like, oh, come look how cool this is, and she'll just be, oh, yeah, neat. Good for you. Happy for you. When you... All you want is her approval. I know. Just for one thing. When you build a big Lego.

Yes. Do you maybe text your parents? Do they say, way to go, buddy? No, I show my friends, though. I text my friends. Oh, God. They at least feigned interest over a text message. This opens up a whole new can of worms right here.

All right. Crime or the criminals who commit them. They don't always make sense. Here's some solid evidence to back up that statement. In a place called West Jordan, Utah. A dude, he went ahead and robbed a bar. bank. Like most bank robbers since the year of 19 aught 6, he didn't get too far before he was arrested. But it's what he did with his take that makes this story work. Dude calls himself,

Mike. A couple days ago, he walked into his neighborhood bank. He handed the teller a handwritten note that said, I'm looking for Ray Finkel and a clean pair of shorts. No, he handed the teller. A handwritten note that said, I got a weapon, I need $1,000. So Mike opened his jacket and showed the teller a knife handle. The teller couldn't quite make it out. She thought maybe it was a gun handle. Either way, she handed Mike $140. He was satisfied with that, and he got the hell out of there.

Man, Mike settled a little too easily there, didn't he? Yeah, negotiate a little bit. wouldn't want him representing me if I'm going to get a new contract or something like that. He must not be the type of guy to stand up for himself. He asked for $1,000. She gave him $140, and he accepted it. Well, the way he even wrote his note, it looked like he might not be the brightest guy in the entire world. So I'm guessing he's maybe a bit of adult. Well, I didn't see how he wrote his note. So he wrote, not instead of, I got a weapon, you know, which already, poor English, but he wrote, I got. got a weapon all one. And then

for the $1,000, he put the dollar sign at the very end of the thousand. He might not be the most put together gentlemen. What did it say about me that I noticed neither of those mistakes? Until now that you brought it up, I see it in front of me. Yes,

instead of I got a weapon, he wrote, I got a weapon. I also got a weapon. What are you talking about? And yes, he put the dollar sign on the wrong end of the numeral Some bitch asked for $1,000. She gave him $140, and he accepted it.

You could just be bad at math? That's another thing. That's like saying to your wife, how about we do anal tonight? She gives you a kiss on the forehead, and you say, yeah, that's close enough. Thank you. Thanks. So anyways, Mike took the 140 big ones, and he walked on over to a Mexican restaurant down the street. He ordered a meal that costs $19.53.

cents. This is where we come back to criminals don't always make sense. He's got 140 bucks. He goes to a Mexican restaurant. He orders a meal that costs 1953. After finishing his lunch, he gave his waiter the entire $140

that he had just stolen from the bank. That's all he wanted? So was Mike like a modern day hero Robin Hood type of a character or what's going on with him? Either that or like I said, bad with money. He doesn't understand it. But I'm wondering if it's just a Robin Hood thing. Just wanted some food and, hey, you take the rest.

I can't help but really like the guy. Not long after Mike walked out of the restaurant, the cops picked him up and took him away. I bet they couldn't keep that money either. Oh, right. Oh, yeah, that sucks. That blows. So, yeah, I wonder, does he not understand the concept of money?

When you show him $140, is he so dumb he believes it's $1,000? Could be. When you give him a bill for $19. He just pushes all the money he's got towards you. Is this enough? I was kind of surprised he could go to a restaurant for $19.53. That's not too bad. He got the cheapest thing on the menu.

Oh, wow. What am I doing now? Oh, this might fire up a few of you parents in our listing audience. A few of you breeders. That's such a weird term. It's kind of off-putting. Yeah. Few of you disgusting breeders might get your drawers in a bunch over this year.

But I don't know. A Japanese couple has gone ahead and let their 13-year-old son drop smooth out of school so he can go ahead and play video games for a living. Go ahead, Cubby. What do you think of all that? Well, you know, my youngest son, I'm going to say, is not college material. So maybe if he showed some sort of video. video game acumen, we might push him in that direction.

But it's certainly odd, to say the least. It depends how good they are, right? Is my godson a poor student? What's worse than poor? Very poor. He's a very poor student. Really? Yeah, not very good. What does he get? What kind of grades does he get?

He's kind of, you know, I don't know, like C's, D's, that kind of thing. That's pretty good. You think so? Well, I didn't get any C's. What's he, a junior high kid? Yeah. Oh, I never got any Cs outside of the obvious gym and shop. Well, that's the thing, yes.

Jim, I always assumed was an easy A for most people. Oh, no, not always. So I wouldn't be so disappointed in C's. All right. Japanese couple has gone ahead and let their 13-year-old son drop out of school so he can play video games for a living. I'll tell you about this effing kid here. He goes by the name of Taru.

It's kind of cool. Is it? Yeah. Taru? He started... I would disagree. Yeah. I don't like that.

All right. Focus. I think it's kind of an awkward name to be totally... It seems like the type of name he might get made fun of. He started playing video games when he was three. Jeez. Two years later, he started up with that Fortnite game. And it says here,

It was at that moment that the five-year-old kid knew that this was what he wanted to do with his life. Duh, he's five. He started whoop and grown folks at Fort Knife. What did I say a minute ago? Fortnight. He started whoop and grown folks at Fortnight. By the time he was around seven or eight, he was defeating and thoroughly embarrassing professional fortnighters. Wow.

Along the way his folks made him a YouTube channel. And there's a lot of people who follow him on that YouTube channel. He recently announced to his fans, Taru, that he's all done with school so he can practice his little ass off and fulfill his dream of qualifying for something called the Fortnite World Cup. Will he be, I don't know, like homeschooled a little bit at least? He should probably still learn some stuff, you know? They didn't say nothing about homeschool.

I bet you're right. Taru's in charge. His folks are just waiting for their, for his commands. That's my guess. Oh, yeah, he runs that house. Yeah, he runs the household. So he would have to be the one that make the decision on homeschooling. That dynamic's not good.

I can imagine, I mean, there's rules here, right? I mean, your kid has to go to school. I would think in Japan it's got to be the same thing. Oh, really? Your kid has to go to school? Oh, yeah. Truancy. You can get in some serious trouble for that.

Yep. Unless you homeschool the child. Home school is different, right. Okay, okay. But I don't think you can let your kid drop out to play video games or do toy box opening videos, that kind of thing. So it's a law that your child has to be either in a real school or homeschooled? Yes.

Oh, I had no idea. My mom used to, like, threaten that all the time when I was a kid and was like, I don't want to go to school. She's like, it's illegal. Your mom doesn't want to go to jail. Never heard that in my life. I thought you could do what you wanted. with your kid. I thought truancy was just something that I saw on the little rascals.

His family's behind him, 100%. Taru, the 13-year-old professional video gamer. Probably because they have massive dollar signs in their eyes. Yeah. And they want to ride this virgin gravy train all the way to Easy Street. I imagine the kid's probably already making a good amount of money with his YouTube channel. He probably makes bank if he's that good. Bizank, she says, Josh. It says here back when Taru was a second grader, he played Fortnite for 28 hours straight.

Yeah, I don't like this. Are you going to go to bed anytime soon? Shut up! Special ed teacher, Sheezza says, it's educational neglect if you don't send your kid to school. It's illegal and parents end up in court. Never heard of it. So there you go. He must just not be great other things in his life from playing video games.

from such an early age and so much of it, like all of that constant, like, flashy bright colors and, like, something's always going on. I imagine his social skills might be a little off. Probably right. He probably isn't the greatest athlete. His social skills are probably lacking. All the flashing lights might be affecting him

in one way or the other. You're probably right. It's probably lacking vitamin D. That's not good. No, not the vitamin D. You can take a pill for that. As you might have. already guessed, a heated debate has cut loose on Japanese social media. All different kinds of

folks are dumping their expert opinions out there on parenting. All I would say about it is this, Cubby, if he's that damn good, eff it. Let the kid play and worry about getting an education later. But if I were the kid's father, and thank God I'm nobody's father, but if this was my son, I'd be concerned that being a professional, anything, at 13 years old, he's going to miss out on all the fun of being a kid, effing off with your bros, playing sports, scoring five goals in one game against Minnetonka, underage binge drinking, vandalism, fist fights, house parties, hot chicks.

He's going to miss out on all that. Next thing, you know, he's going to be 20 years old, and all he's done is poke out of remote control his whole teenage life. You know what I'm saying to you? Yeah, I hear you. I mean, as a millionaire or whatever they're expecting him to make. He might end up going nuts. But if he's that damn good, let him play.

That's crazy. Was he just born gifted at video games? I would think so. If he's pro-law... I mean, at three, they're already thinking this guy's going to go pro. Yeah. Wow. Good look, Taru.

Staying with those video games and staying in Japan. Old-timers are getting it done, too. It says here now then. that a broken down Jurassic 92-year-old grandmother just won a tournament where everyone was playing a game called Tekken Part 8. Never played Tekken. I mean, you see it at the arcade. I've never played that. Anyone here? I mean, dabble a little bit, but fighting games have never been my forte. That's the fanciest thing anyone's ever said on this show. 92-year-old grandmother, Hisako is her name. Do you like that one, Dana?

Yeah, sure. Hisaco? Again, you know, some people are going to call her Hissoco or things like that. Well, she's Japanese. What do you mean by that? Well, that could be a common name over there. And do they use the word suck?

Well, I mean, Dick's a common name over here, and you're not going to get away with that. Oh! This gal was playing at a senior tournament. Did you know they had those senior video game tournaments? No clue. She was playing other folks. Ranging an age from 73 to 95.

So there was actually a gamer in the tournament older than Hisako. She defeated a 74-year-old character to take the title. If you know the game, then you'll understand where I'm coming from here. It says here that Hasako played as a character called Claudio in the final, final round, while the other old fart selected a character called Lily. Idiot. Why would you ever pick the lily? You know, for whatever reason, this guy popped in my head. I'm sure you've seen the Pappasot guy.

He might be Japanese as well. Does he use the backboard? No. He uses both hands. He's like set records, this guy. He's incredible. I've seen these insano Pappashot competitors. and I'm not looking to start trouble,

but if you use the backboard, it doesn't count. Yeah, I don't think he does. I'll have to look it up again, but, I mean, he's like both hands. He's so fast. He's just dominating on this thing. He looks like he might be a little bit of an older guy. I could beat anybody in the world. At pop a shot.

Look up the video and tell me. I can beat him. Do you two-hand it? No. See, that's not allowed. That's not allowed. Going back and why not? Because that's not.

basketball. You have to shoot it like you shoot a basketball. You don't do two balls at once and send your text if you have a joke, but that's not right. So he can go ahead and be the champion of silly two-handed basketball. I could beat anybody in the world that Papa shot if we're legitimately shooting the basketball. You heard it here first. Okay. Challenge me. Show up with your Papa shot machine. It's disappointing to me. It's just disappointing when I found out when you're playing Fusball, you can't just spin that son of a gun as fast as you want. That's the best part. I loved that part. Yeah.

People were saying you can't do that. No. No spinning. And my day changed. We got to take a break. We'll check the jock sniffing next. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. It's not acceptable to lose. No one wants to lose her. It sucks, but

you know, sometimes the puck is not going to bounce your way, even though you're working hard. You know, look at their goals. all top corners bouncing off the wall to open it. So it's one of those days where it's really hard to lose like that. But you just have to brush it away and then we get our important road trip coming out. That's a sad Zuccarello right there. Well, those hockey interviews are thrilling, aren't they?

Boy, the pigs got kicked in the ass again last night at home. My God. What's going on over there? What are they got, drug problems or something? I'm going blind a little bit. I noticed and so. And the third, my son's like, yeah, the wild are getting killed. And I looked at the score.

I'm like, well, no, it's one nothing. How is that getting killed? And I realized it was a six. My eyes are so bad. Oh. I helped the wild out just by not being able to see correctly. He just got whooped by a division rival last night. Hey, sorry I blew up earlier.

We were talking about Papa Shot basketball. passionate about pop-a-shot basketball. I feel like I'm one of the greatest there's ever been. But, in my opinion, you have to stick to, you have to have to have some connection to the actual sport. You know what I mean? In my opinion, if you play Papa Shot basketball, backboard, if you use the backboard, that's crap.

I'm not going to call it cheating. I'm just going to call it crap. But Josh was telling me there's some guy who does two basketballs at once. See, I eliminate that from consideration because you don't ever, you don't use two basketballs at once on a basketball car. You only use one. I got a couple text messages from folks who are with me on this. One listener texted in to say, I say the same thing about bowling. Two hands on the bowling ball?

Give me a friggin break. Adults do that. I've never seen an adult do that. I've seen that. Definitely. We've talked about it before. For the pros that use two hands? I don't watch the pro stuff.

Yeah, I haven't, I've just said I've never seen it. I've seen kids do it. So you've still never seen a professional when they turn that bitch over with two hands? It's crazy. Get some wicked spin on it. And I know there are a lot of bowlers who don't like it. Don't like it. Another listener said he's got a problem with the hot dog eating contest.

He doesn't think they should be able to dip it into water because that's not how you eat a hot dog. You know what I mean? Yeah, I would have to have to agree with that. You ever see online, you'll see the Guinness, a new Guinness World Record, the fastest car ever, right? It went 788 miles now. Well, how's that possible? Or, I mean, even faster, of course, they're, you know, funny cars and things like that.

Some car goes 5,000 miles an hour, right? And then you look it up. Well, how did they do it? Well, they strap six jet engines to it. Well, that's not a car. Right. You know what I mean? That's a land-based jet.

Right. I've got certain things, Josh, certain rules. Have you ever heard this before? This is completely off topic, but when you said hot dog, it reminded me of a term I learned this morning about bologna. Some people call it a hot dog pancake. Any time about bologna, I'm going to think a hot dog pancake. That's dumb but funny.

That's perfect. Stupid and perfect. Sam Darnold got injured at practice. Come on, Sam. That sucks. We'll tell you about those football. Heard is a playoff reputation. You know what I'm saying?

He's got quite a track record in the postseason. Golden Gopher Dudes Hockey. They host the number one team in the country tonight. Michigan, wolves are at Houston. We've got a lot to cover when Randy Schaber and Brad Riders swing by. Josh has more news for you here in a few minutes. The 93-Hags Half-Azed Morning Show. What's going on, podcast, Pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. and I think you should too. An AC-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special.

$45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer.

Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Vince Colon-A's is redefining news talk.

I'm Vince Colleenist host of the Vince Podcast. I'm bringing you the truth beneath the headlines of all. all of the nation's top stories. In-depth interviews. We feature newsmaking interviews with the top guests on the whole planet. And I'll ask the questions you only dream of other interviewers asking.

And a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. It's a show with an obsessive focus on what's good for America. You are going to love Vince. The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. I'm glad that, I mean,

it didn't happen during the day when she was out there playing. I mean, you see all the toys and stuff in there and it was bad enough. It could have been so much worse. What happened now? While the idea of waking up to a stranger sitting on your face carries a certain mischievous appeal, the fantasy is far less sexy when the unexpected guest shows up piloting a Toyota Camry

and one that just busted through your living room window. 70-year-old New Yorker Skip Cunningham says he's fortunate to be breathing after nodding off on his couch and waking up to a car crashing into his living room and landing right on top of him. Old man just trying to get a nap in? He's skinny now. Skip Cunningham. Yeah. Shortly after midnight Tuesday, a car sliding along snowy road,

sailed through an intersection, burst into Cunningham's living room, and settled squarely on the old timer. A rude reintroduction to consciousness, which ended with 13 fresh staples in his head. Next thing I knew, when I woke up, my blood running down my head, and shit, car laying on top of me.

You know, my guy's running around saying, sorry, sorry, sorry. sorry. I says, we'll call 911. Realizing he cheated death, Cunningham tried to keep his luck street going by asking the ambulance crew to stop for a lottery ticket on their way to the hospital. Cunningham figured if he was lucky enough

to survive waking up with a car on top of him, maybe there were happy days ahead, and luck could make Cunningham Richie. I tried to get him to stop so I couldn't buy a lottery ticket, but they wouldn't stop. I said, no. Figured you press your lock, huh?

Yeah, yeah. It's not the first time something like this has happened in the 50 years he's lived there. In fact, cars have missed a stop sign and run into his driveway or house five times in as many decades. Cunningham and his daughter believe the state should consider putting up a flashing light at the intersection or guardrails in front of his home. Take that, Skip, you douchebag. Guy's adorable. He is adorable.

Oh, so am I crazy, Josh? Skip Cunningham. That was the mysterious older brother in the Cunningham family. family from Happy Days that was never seen beyond episode one? Was it Skip? I can't remember if it was Skip or not. I think Chip. A chip is what I remember, but maybe it was Skip.

Can someone look that up for us? Yeah, I am. If you're a Happy Day span. Chuck Cunningham. Chuck. Ah, Chuck. God dang. But old Skip took a corolla right to the schnaz.

Yeah, landing on top of the guy. A Buffalo man charged with turning a frozen lake into a slow motion racetrack, engaging law enforcement in a nine-hour standoff while circling the ice in his truck. The 38-year-old faces DWI charges stemming from an incident last Thursday, which blended winter weather with drunken determination. Wright County deputies were dispatched to Maple Lake Township after reports of an intoxicated driver behind the wheel of a pickup. By the time officers were en route, the man had already abandoned asphalt for ice,

easing onto the frozen surface of Lake Sullivan for a glacial game of keepaway. Multiple deputies tried to get him off the ice and spoke with him over the phone, but he refused to stop. Nice job disrupting all the crappies, too, douchebag. For nine stubborn hours, authorities say he cruised the ice, repeatedly passing deputies who told him he was under arrest, but he kept looping that lake. Eventually the ride ended. He surrendered, and the officer has observed slurred speech and detected the odor of alcohol. inside they found open beer containers and a preliminary breath test measured a blood alcohol concentration of 0.11.

Again, this is nine hours circling the lake. Just spinning round and round. He was released from jail Wednesday and is representing himself in court. Oh, that always works. Court records show two prior DWI convictions, one in 2020 and another in 2016. I would just get so bored that I would just stop.

I was thinking the same thing. Like nine hours. That's a long time. be on circle. Plus, I'd probably barf. And you know how it's going to end. Like, they're not just going to be like, you know what? Let's just forget it. Yeah, at six hours, the cops are like, yeah, my shift's over.

What a pain to me. Did everyone in Maple Lake gather on the beach to watch this? I would think they gathered a crowd, right? Yeah, you'd think word would spread. A guy's out there driving around for how many hours, drunk and the cops just watching him go round and around? I bet they had everyone in town on the beach, you know, cheering him on or maybe rooting against them. That sounds thrilling. If your dream is to spend the night inside a giant Atari cartridge, your dream is about to come true. Early details haven't clarified whether entry will require a room key or a pocketful of quarters,

but it's game on for the world's first Atari hotel. Developed by, uh, described, excuse me, by developers as the first truly playable hotel. The nearly 90,000 square foot property will be built near downtown Phoenix and include concert and e-sport venues, a sports book as well as retail and restaurant space. The exterior of the building will look like patterns of pixel grids, while the interior lights will look like arcade circuitry. Atari's trademark red logo will also be incorporated into the facade. The design of the hotel has references to classics like asteroids, Pong, and Tetris.

It also draws inspiration from movies like Tron and Blade Runner. Developers say the hotel will have 19 suites, 72 rooms, symbolizing 1917. the year the video game company was founded. Construction scheduled to begin late next year with a projected opening of 2028. A company called Gru Space plans to build the first hotel on the moon, initially using inflatable structures

during the early phase starting in 2029. Then the actual hotel will eventually be built from bricks made of lunar soil, they said. Advanced reservations are priced between $250,000 and a million per room, but that doesn't include transportation, which they said could run upwards of $10 million. That would be so sweet. To camp out on the moon? God, yeah.

I wish I was rich. New video games tied to the Saw and John Wick franchises are now in development, setting the stage for a broader expansion of Lionsgate properties into gaming. The movie studio said more Lionsgate projects would be announced soon with possibilities which range from Twilight. The Hunger Games say aloha to my a hola, American Psycho, and Blair Witch. It's been some time since our John Wick appeared in game form. The last saw title Saw 2, Flesh and Blood arrived in 2010, and John Wick Hex followed years later with its release in 2019. A Blair Witch game, it sounds kind of boring. He's kind of walk around the woods and then you die. No, that sounds terrifying. Horror movies or horror video games get me every single time. I'm like,

oh, this will be, I can play this in my dark bedroom. Nothing's going to happen. And then like five minutes in and I don't even want to play or move my character because I'm afraid of a jump scare. Oh, yeah, sure. I remember playing Resident Evil as a kid and being terrified. Yep. I've heard the Jason Voorhe's games are fun, the Friday of the 13th games.

Yeah, they are really fun. You got any details on that American, what was the name of the Christian Bale movie again? Did you say that, Josh? Yeah, they said they might make a, so far, these are just, ideas that they have possible possible video games based on their movie American psycho video game remember the scene with the prostitutes

oh yeah Jesus they're actually are we going to put that into the video game I mean he was demanding one prostitute to toss the salad of the other is that going to be part of the video game it's possible I guess press X to toss the salad Gross.

You never saw that one, Josh? No, I... It's fun. I don't like the disturbing, sexual, weird type movies, so yeah, I'll pass on that one. I'll live vicariously through you guys. Oh. Next Monday is National Popcorn Day, and Cinemark is going to Cinemark the Occasion. By bringing back, it's Bring Your Own Popcorn Bucket promo for a second year, leaning into the

Over the top generosity, which made headlines the first time around. Last year, moviegoers could walk in with virtually any container and walk out with up to 400 ounces of popcorn for five bucks, which works out to just about three gallons. But this year, they decided to raise the ceiling even higher, allowing customers to come up to five gallons instead. To make that possible, they teamed up with Lowe's inviting customers to show up with one of the store's five-gallon blue buckets

and promising to fill it right to the bowel-busting brim. They also stretch the promotion across two days this year. They'll kick things off Sunday, National Popcorn Eve, and they won't limit it just to that single date on Monday. According to the press release, you don't even have to see a movie to take advantage of the deal. You can simply arrive with your Lowe's bucket, collect your five gallons of popcorn,

and head straight home to watch Netflix. I do love movie theaters popcorn. Yeah, it's the best. Several major cinema chains are preparing to see. celebrate National Popcorn Day with special offers. Regal provides free large popcorn for costume-wearing customers. AMC announced it will offer unlimited refills on any purchase size, but it's Cinemark.

That's where you want to go if you want to bring in a five-gallon bucket. That sounds like so much fun. Oh, man. New in theaters and streaming this weekend. 28 years later, the Bone Temple, the latest in the post-apocalyptic saga with the funniest name in the franchise. Dr. Kelson stumbles and in one settling relationship

whose ripple effects could change the world as he knows it, while Spike survives an encounter that mutates into a waking nightmare. Also landing on the big screen Night Patrol follows an LAPD officer who uncovers a covert police task force hiding a secret so corrosive

it puts the housing projects of his childhood at risk starring Justin Long and CM Punk. Owen Wilson... Hang on a second. For real CM Punk? Yeah, CM Punk. Someone gave him another crack at acting, huh? I saw one of his movies.

Do you remember which one? It was so bad. No, I do not recall the name. It was a horror movie, I believe. He and some woman in a house. Dude, he's terrible. Maybe you got better. It was so frigging bad.

This is five, six years ago. All right, so he's got another crack at it. I'll give him a chance. Night Patrol. is what that's called. Owen Wilson lends his voice to Charlie the Wonder Dog, a family-friendly adventure in which an ordinary pet gains unexpected superpowers after an alien abduction.

On the streaming side, twin lists is now on Hulu. Dylan O'Brien and James Sweeney are two men who form an unlikely friendship after meeting at a twin support group until Dylan finds out the other guy is not what he seemed. Over on Netflix, The Rip drops viewers into Miami with Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as members of members of... of a police unit who discover millions in cash inside a rundown stash house, making them question who to trust.

Answering the call at Peacock Black Phone 2, the sequel to the 2021 Supernatural Horror Film, where new friend of the brother and sisterhood, Ethan Hawk played a killer called The Grabber who abducts and murders children. Good Lord. And on Sunday, HBO and HBO Max unveil a Knight of the Seven Kingdoms. The Game of Thrones spin-off set a century before. the original series with the Targaryans still seated on the Iron Throne.

The story follows an earnest knight and as undersized squire as they wander a volatile Wester are you dialed in? Yeah, I'll watch this. I didn't really get into House of the Dragon too much. Watch the first season and then I just kind of, I don't know, I wasn't too interested anymore. The series draws from George R.R. Martin's Tales of Dunkin Egg Novelas and Novelas, and HBO has already committed to a second season before the first one's even aired.

And Westrose may not be finished with accidental incest just yet. According to the Hollywood reporter, HBO is reopened development of the long-dormant John Snow sequel. First floated in 2022, the project was officially shelved in April after none of the early concepts were interesting enough. That must have changed, however, as the network is now moving forward with that new series. I'd be interested in that. I love to be some John Snow. Oh, yeah? Happy 15th to Berlin on Sunday from Mom. Sass master Jesus and dad hauling your wood Jesus.

Dumb bolt tighteninger Jesus wants to make a shout out to his one and only. Ten incredible years married to a scorching hot wife, Jackie. And let's see, who's this from? Jackie. Ah, shoot, I don't have a name here, but it says, could you give us a shout out on our ultimate Friday, myself, Dirty Dave, Jesus, red-headed gold, mining, bearded Jesus, and his beautiful wife headed to Punta Kana tomorrow morning for a week in the sun.

Nice. That ought to be fun. And that's 93X News. Coming up next, we'll chat with Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. Jackson, the whistle, turnover, black on the drop. A poster.

Crowd is owing and on as they show the replays. My goodness, you get some. You get some. You get some. Here they are. It's frigging Randy Shaver. Yeah. And the loneliest of them all.

The lonely boy, Brad Ryder. Good morning, boys. Good morning. Josh just played audio for you there. They're calling that. It's Michael Grady, right? Terrific. You miss him on the Wolf's podcast.

Terrific call by Michael Grady. He always seems prepared for these huge moments. What makes him so sought after when it comes to calling basketball games. For one reason or another, the NBA is playing some games, a series of games in games. Germany and England over the next couple of days. I don't know why. But in that audio you heard what a lot of folks are calling the dunk of the year. Young feller playing for the Memphis Grizzlies by the name of,

or no, pardon me, does he play for Orlando or Orlando? Yeah, Anthony Black is Orlando. Anthony Black of the Orlando Magic dunked on four different some bitches. Members of the Memphis Grizzlies. One up and dunked over four dudes. It is quite dramatic. It is maybe worth looking up on our website. Yes, sir.

The dunk of the year. We'll get back to basketball. We will. But Jesus balls the pigs. Oh, my God. What is going on? Seriously. They just got their jocks handed to them again at the home rink.

I don't understand what's happening. They're just playing miserably. This time by a division rival, the Winnipeg Jets. Last place, Winnipeg Jets. One dude on the Jets roster had a goal in three assists. Jonathan Taze scored for Winnipeg, and I guess he's got a goal in four consecutive games. That dude's been around forever, and he still looks like a 10th grader.

But just like the game against Jersey the other night, The pigs came out of the gate hot, I mean, absolutely dominating play, just like they did against New Jersey for the first 10 minutes of the game. But yet, once the Jets got on the board, the game completely went in the opposite direction. Took a dumb penalty or two. They didn't look like themselves. I know they're playing without Brodine and Zuccarello or who am I missing? and Bogosian, they're playing without a handful of guys.

But it was bad last night. They were booed by the state of hockey after period number one. That doesn't happen very often. State of hockey. Hell, in the first period, Winnipeg scored two goals in 10 seconds. Pigs didn't know what the F hit them. I'm not really all that concerned in the long run. No.

No, I'm not, you know. abandoning ship. I don't think anybody is, Brad Ryder. But to get whooped so thoroughly back to back at home, right? The Jersey game was just a prior game, right? Or am I smoking weed over here? Yeah.

Jersey, they got whooped pretty good, and now this one against Winnipeg. If I'm missing a game, somebody tell me. No, just host two games Monday and Thursday. And I'm not saying this is the reason, but I've seen this happen before when I've traveled with teams before when

when they go on long, long road trips. Yeah. And then you come back home, it takes you, it just, it takes a lot out of you. And I know people are going to say, oh, they travel in these nice jets. And I get it, okay, but they, but they were on a really, really long road trip. And I'm thinking there might be a little bit of a hangover from that. That might be part of the reason you're seeing this for a couple of games here. That makes perfect sense.

and Angelo Dundee. D. Pietro. The lead announcer, Angelo. Dundee. Angelo Dundee? Angelo Palanta.

Palanta is his name. Anthony. Lepanta. There you go. And Ryan Carter did mention that last night during the broadcast. The road trip might still be having effect.

Erickson Ack also missing from the lineup. That's who I was forgetting. Thank you, Brotherhood or Sisterhood, whoever sent that in via text. What the hell is this? Winnipeg is 9-1-1 in its past 11 games against a man bear pigs, including they've won six straight games here in St. Paul. Wow. I didn't know that. I didn't. I never, you, I could have never come up with that. So maybe there's a situation where a club just has your number. At any rate, the piggy start up a three-game road trip tomorrow night playing in Buffalo. Oh, they'll probably play much better because they'll be on the road.

Right. It's like being at home. I could understand it. You go out on the road. You're drinking, you're carrying on, you're playing cards all night. It's kind of a weird year for them too. Women coming in and out of the hotel room. It is a weird year.

Because they go on this for super long road trip to accommodate the juniors tournament. And then the Olympics are right around the corner. So they're going to take another long break. So it's just kind of a strange season for them and everybody. Everybody's in the same boat. But it just seems like the wild are paying the price a little bit more here right now. People are texting. Yeah, the other day when Andrew was on, I kind of was looking at this.

And I didn't mention this. When they come back from that Olympic break, there's only one time the remainder of the season when after they come back that they have more than one day off between games. I mean, they're just going to be pile in games. on top of each other. Like, you know, it's a game day off, game day off, maybe a back-to-back, then a day off. And again, they're going to do that basically from the end of February through the middle of April. And so, and again, it's not just the wild, like you said, but if there's an issue with, you know, people being a little tired or a little worn down,

then they have to figure out a way to combat that somehow. Or injuries in depth. I mean, that's going to be a big part of that coming back from the Olympic break because you're going to have to maybe call. follow a few players up and move them around just to get bodies out there that are somewhat fresh. Angelo Dundee, Randy Schaever. He was an old boxing referee.

He wasn't a referee. He was a trainer. He was a trainer. He was Mohammed Ali's trainer. Ah, right. He was a traitor. Someone texted it and said, wasn't that the scout who signed Kent Herbeck? No, it was not.

That's right. Angelo Dundee trained Milhammed Ali. Yeah. All right, back to these injuries that the pigs are dealing with. Brodine, lower body injury. Could be a while before he's back. There's even some conversation going around that he might not be able to play in the Olympics.

He's one of four pigs that have been selected to skate for those frigging obnoxious Swedes in a few weeks here. Pigs head coach, Gene Snitsky, said he expects Erickson, Eck, and Bogosian to. accompany the club on this road trip. Like I said, it starts in Buffalo. Other people are texting in saying, oh, they'll be just fine until the first round of the playoffs.

Oh, boy, here we go. The first round of the playoffs. That's going to be a big deal. There's no doubt. Golden Gopher dudes hockey has number one Michigan coming into town this weekend. Roll the boat, Scott, you know, Go, Gover's Big Ten network. Sam Darnold got hurt at practice. You guys hear that?

That's not good. Darnold felt something in his oblique while he was doing whatever a guy does at football practice. He intends to play, but is listed as questionable. Some dude named Drew Locke is the, it's just one name, is the C Ducks backup court. You ever heard of Drew Locke? I don't know. Sam Darnold heard himself at practice. Obviously, you gentlemen are very concerned about it.

He'll play. He'll play. Here's your NFL playoff schedule tomorrow. Tomorrow afternoon, Buffalo at Denver, tomorrow night, San Francisco at Seattle, Sunday, Houston at New England. Well, maybe I should slow down. Buffalo at Denver, San Francisco at Seattle. Anyone have any grand statements on day one of the... I really love the Buffalo Denver matchup.

I think that'll be fun. It's, you know, I mean, that's a game that Buffalo, if they can win, that's a statement game for them. You know, Denver's had the buy. We'll see how they come off of the buy. But I love that game. That game to me tomorrow, much more intriguing than Seattle, San Francisco. You know, that game could go either way, Seattle, San Francisco. I'm cheering for Buffalo tomorrow.

Sunday, Houston at New England. Randy Shaver earlier this week predicted that Houston would win the game. Yep. Their defense is just tremendous. Followed by the Los Angeles Rams at the Chicago F-Fing Bears. I think the Bears win the game. It might be 9 to 6. It might be.

You're right. I mean, both of those defenses are really, really good. And I think that would favor Houston if that were to happen. I think the Bears beat the Rams on Sunday. I know the Rams have got everybody kind of healthy again and on the offensive side. But I don't know. There's just something about Chicago right now that just. is intriguing.

And I think the fact that it's going to be single digits in Chicago is going to help them tremendously. It's going to be cold. It's going to be nasty cold. Brad Ryder said something about a low-scoring game. Houston and New England. Houston and New England.

The lowest scoring playoff game in NFL history. Three to nothing. Good guess. The lowest scoring playoff game in NFL history, and that wouldn't bother me to see something like that. weekend. You might see that in the Bears game as cold as it is. Right.

Uh-huh. I'd like to, I don't care if it's the championship, you know, the conference championship Super Bowl. Someone texted in a while back and said, if it's Seattle and Houston in the Super Bowl, their defenses are both so good. It would be fun, see that. I'm down with that. Yeah. The lowest scoring playoff game in NFL history came along in 1970. The Dallas Cowboys defeated the Detroit Lion. Five nothing. Baseball score. Five nothing. First of all, I'm shocked

the line in the playoffs. I'm actually shocked the lions were actually in the playoffs. The lions were in the playoffs. There were way fewer teams back then too. Cowboys kicker Mike Clark opened up the scoring with a field goal in the first quarter

that gave Dallas a three to nothing lead. That would have been enough to win. but the Cowboys added a little insurance in the fourth when they sacked Lions quarterback Greg Landry in the end zone to make her 5-0. The second lowest combined score in a playoff game is currently 9-0 when the L.A. Rams beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the NFC Championship in 1979.

Wow. So what about maybe you're looking for a high-scoring game or a, you know, Dana has always touching himself to the stupid Buffalo Bills. I'll be honest with you. I would have said the Bears Rams would be high scoring, but with the weather, predicted weather, I think you have to temper that.

I mean, if you look at all the other matchups, there are great, here's, there are great defenses in every matchup, every single matchup, the Seahawks defense. The Niners aren't bad. The Broncos defense has been lauded all year long. The Patriots and the Texans defense are really good. So I think it's possible that the under in all four of these games could be the number this weekend.

Dana, maybe you want. I think if there's one game, I would say there's one game that it's possible that it could explode into the scoring best. That might be that Buffalo, Denver game possibly. Yeah. Yep. Maybe you want a stress-free experience, Dana, on tomorrow? Yeah, tomorrow. When your team plays whoever they're playing. Denver.

He can't watch it anyway. He's going to a birthday. party. Going to my seven-year-old niece's birthday party, but I won't be able to be, maybe they'll calm my nerves a little bit more than I won't act like a total lunatic when it's like I do when it's just me and my wife watching. The biggest margin of victory in an NFL playoff game is 73 points. I'd take a 73 point Buffalo win tomorrow. In the stinking 1940s, the Chicago Bears beat Washington 73 to Dick. Wow. In a playoff game, Chicago scored 11 touchdowns and intercepted eight passes.

At least it wasn't that Vikings game in the Meadowlands. 41 Donut? 41 Donut? I'm not sure who to blame here. The NFL is so out of control right now, but you already know that. I'm not sure who to blame. Here we are, the second round of the playoffs. If you didn't make the playoffs, it's over, right? See you in the summer.

Like we said the other day, we don't want to talk about the Vikings anymore. If you didn't make the playoffs, why are you even part of the conversation? anymore. Until the draft, I think that's when you can start talking about it again. All that should matter right now is these playoff games. This is where it starts to get sort of fun. Yet I still saw an article on ESPN.com. I'm not friggin making this up. I saw an article on ESPN.com discussing whether or not Patrick Mahomes will be healed from injury in time to play week one of next season. Well, it wasn't just ESPN. I mean, a lot of people wrote about it. It was Weird.

What is wrong with people? I think that's generated by Kim, though. I think he is saying he wants to be ready by week one. So once he talks, then everybody picks it up. Really dramatic stuff here. So Mike Tomlin's resignation from the Pittsburgh Stillers was so devastating to the locker room. It says here, Karen Rogers was sobbing like a child. And another Stillers player by the name of Joey Porter Jr. was hyperventilating.

Yeah. I got a dramatic group over there. I guess so. He's beloved. So Monday, we can talk about that college championship game a little bit. Monday. Right. We're not on Monday.

Tuesday. Oh, oh, my bad. I forgot. We can talk about it on Monday, I guess, if you want. We can talk about it, but just not on the air. I forgot we were off Monday. Sorry. So I guess say whatever you want to say about the college championship game.

We can do a post-mortem on Tuesday. Okay. here's something interesting Josh I thought you might find this most interesting out of anybody something about the head coach there at Indiana Kurt Signetti is the name he goes by now

he went by another name before what? No he didn't he went by a different persona before the incident what happened what was he nine Yeah. Kurt Signetti is the name he goes by now.

He's ordered the same thing for lunch more than 500 times since arriving in Bloomington to become the head coach of the... I love that. He's ordered the same thing for lunch more than 500 times. Josh, he gets a Chipotle burrito bowl with rice, beans, chicken, and a side of guacamolies. Yeah. It's making, like, the folks that pick it up for him. rich with Chipotle points. Oh, I bet.

They pick it up. They're putting it on their account, and they're getting just a ton of it. So you tell me if this is a lot of points, because you are a Chipotle guy, and do you follow all that points? No, I mean, I read the article to understand what the points meant. My wife is a, she has, she's a member or whatever it is. So she gets reward points, but I don't really see it. So maybe someone can tell us, the kid who would fetch his lunch every day over their at the University of Indiana,

said at one point of another, he had 64,000 reward points in his account. That's a lot. So they said it was like basically 40 burrito bowls. That's awesome. Is what that equated to. Oh, oh, with those points. With the points, he could have got 40 burrito bowls.

I think that's what the article had mentioned. Yeah. I got, other places where you can get, instead of like getting the product, you can get some gear, get some, they do that, Nick.

I bet you don't know that. but like for a lot of places, if they have a point system, instead of getting, you know, some food or a drink, you can get a T-shirt that says, I love Starbucks on it. Like the camel cigarettes give it. Yeah. The camel cigarettes. Was it camel or Marlboro that had?

It was Camel. Yeah, they. Camel points. Joe Camel had all that gear. My neighbor growing up was a big camel cigarette smoker. And by God, he had a cooler. He had, uh, I thought Marlboro did too. Tobacco products still do that.

I know that Zens do that. My husband has been putting his points in for a couple months now. We really want a blackstone. You could get a blackstone. Yeah. Those are popular. Yeah, they are. It's crazy.

Back to this assistant who picked up Chipotle. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that those points expire. Oh, no. He still has like half the points or something like that. But yeah, he lost 20-some burrito bowls, not realizing that they last a year. When I was in college, I had a burrito hook up kind of like that. I was interning at K-FAT. and we did a weekly show at a burrito joint.

And one day the boss was like, oh, hey, poor college kid here, take this gift card. He's tossed it to me. I had no idea how much was on it. So I go, and I'm just hoping that there's enough on the gift card to pay for the burrito and chips I got. So he swipes it, and the guy goes, you've got $900 and $975 left on this to give card. It was a $1,000 gift card. And I don't think the boss... Do you think he realized that he gave you?

No. No. I didn't say a damn thing. Oh, dude, that's incredible. And you said you were in college, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's a necessity. Oh, it was amazing.

Oh, so much more beer money, Dana. Mm-hmm. Here's a high school football team in North Carolina, and they suck eggs. As a matter of fact, they've been so piss poor for so long, the sport has been canceled. High Point Central will not play high school football on the varsity level in North Carolina next season.

The bison is their nickname. They were so bad in 20 and 25 that the school decided to suspend its football program for 20 and 26. This is somewhat confusing. It says the junior varsity team is going to continue. Yes, they will play. That happens here in Minnesota. They did not win a single game during this past football season. They never even got on the board, not once.

Yep, that's happened here too. They lost every single game by a combined total of 523 to Jack Squad. their closest losses were by 42 points. Man, every single game triggered a running clock, every single opponent scored at least six touchdowns. Well, good that they're still having a JV program, because then those kids can still play, and they can maybe build their program a little bit.

That's what happens. There's a couple of schools in Minnesota that have had that. Silver Bay comes to mind. They suspended their varsity program about three years ago. It was a numbers thing more than anything. and they combined with, I want to say, two harbors for like three years, and just this last fall had enough players to do their own team again. So this is, it's a pretty common thing when programs struggle like that.

I mean, that's the severe end of it. But it's not uncommon for high schools to, especially smaller high schools to do that. Oh, that's a sad story. Well, boy, did they get smoked for the last? scale. All right. So here's the latest. Did we hear murmurings about this for weeks? I can't figure it out. Is this a total surprise to people or not? Federal prosecutors charge 26 people in an alleged college football point shaving scam. College football or basketball? I'm sorry, I meant to say basketball. I meant to say. Is this shocking? Well, you know, because we had that other decisions,

discussion that involved point shaving and Chauncey and that kind of stuff. I thought it was maybe related but it's not. It's a separate thing. Maybe that's why it feels so familiar is because we're fresh off the Chauncey Billop thing. It's big news but to me it's not shocking.

Well of course it's not shocking. And I'm sad to think that it's probably going on still in other places, other sports. Yeah. No, no. This is not Not shocking anybody that there's shady businesses. There's shady operations involved in competitive sports. It's been going on since the beginning of time.

But apparently this caper involved 39 players, seven different NCAA Division I men's basketball games. They say these crooked bastards either fixed or attempted to shave points in 29 games. Players were bribed so gamblers could get rich. There's much more. information here. I don't know how deep you want to get into this, but this is where college basketball is sitting right now in a big turd pile. When you introduce gambling into this scheme of things across the country and out in front as much as it is, this is going

to happen. I mean, this is part of the underbelly of what's going on. And it's not just, like you said, it's not just here. I'm just going on a lot of other places, too. But there are telltale signs of things happening when you get these large bets. on certain teams, some of the obscure teams, that was part of this investigation. Those colleges were small colleges playing, you know,

they're not the big Duke and teams like that. So, you know, you can kind of get a sense of something that might be up when you're seeing bets of a half a million dollars on North Carolina AT&T to cover against, you know what I mean? Yeah.

University of Minnesota. Against Verizon. Yeah. The University of Minnesota basketball program was not mentioned in any of the articles that I read. No. I like this part. I like this part of the story.

This went on from September of 20 and 22 until February. Well, the allegations cover a period of about three years. Where's the part that I like so much? Oh, here it is. Some alleged attempts to fix games were unsuccessful for various reasons, including players who didn't want to cooperate, or others who failed to make the games go a certain way. Can you imagine you're getting paid to F up a game and you can't even F it up?

You know what I mean? Yeah, it's hilarious. Can't even F it up right. Just throw the ball out of bounds a few times. Dribble it off your leg, put one high off the backboard. You know what I mean? And I wonder. I bet those guys got kneecapped.

I wonder about this, too, is that I wonder if college coaches are looking for or when they watch games, watch film, you know what I mean? Are they more sensitive to a player not performing the way they should? Or they say, I've seen some bad jump shots before, but that was really bad. I wonder if this kid's on the take. Maybe there is a guy that they pay to sit and watch video and see if they can determine. Pretty shady. It's actually very sad.

I'll go along with that word as well. Yeah, very sad. Golden Gopher Dudes Basketball is at Illinois's tomorrow morning. Tough game. The Eli and I are currently number 13 in the country. 13. Oh. That's right, Randy.

13. Here's where the schedule gets a little tougher for them. I mean, they had a little bit of an opportunity where they'd have won these last two home games, but the next four or five games, they're going to be in the meat grinder. Yes. It doesn't get any easier for Mickey or whatever his name is,

the new head coach, Nikki. Nico. Nico. Mickey. Mickey. Mickey. he's so fine oh man

i got in trouble for that song just blows my mind one of the one of the most interesting stories you've ever told josh i mean i know you grew up in a straight-laced operation with all that catholicism being rammed down your friggin throat at every turn but you got in i still can't put two and two together on this you got in trouble for listening to the song

hey micky you're so fine you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey. How did that start trouble? So I think this was maybe third grade. We could bring in music that was school appropriate. Oh, this wasn't your folks that bused. No, no, not my parents. She's a teacher. And some older girls on the bus. You know, the song was popular, what, in 82, 83, right around 30. Yes, yes. And it was popular, and these girls had the tape on these older girls on my bus. And my school was K through 8. So they were seventh graders, I think. And they're like, oh, you got to check this out. It's about Mickey Mouse. you know, it's a Disney song.

And I thought, oh, well, that makes sense. They're talking about Mickey. Sure. And so I brought it in, and my teacher's like, well, what is this? And I said, it's a Disney song about Mickey Mouse and put it in. And as soon as it started playing, she got furious with me thinking I was trying to pull a fast one. And tarnish all these kids, you know, my classmates there. And I was totally shocked and I had no idea that it wasn't about Mickey.

And you guys know, I haven't listened to a lyric sense. I don't know what any song is about whatsoever. For whatever reason, you have no ability to hear lyrics. I'd pay zero attention to lyrics outside of like a chorus. That's it. It's just such an odd song to get in trouble for because there's nothing filthy about it at all. Yeah, she was, I mean, enraged. That's one of the most I'd ever been in trouble in school.

Like the only couple times I'd get in trouble, she was really pissed. When my brother and I were young, we were way into ACDC right from the get-go. I remember one day I had summers to go. We were probably 12. I left. When I left my brother, probably because he was being a prick around the house, was in charge of helping my mom put up wallpaper or something, right? Yep.

And I remember hearing my brother say, well, we're going to listen to my music. You know, he's saying this to my mom. You know, if I'm going to be helping you all day, we're going to live. So my mom said, okay. So last I knew, he threw. an ACDC tape into the boombox and I left. When I came back, I was like, well, how'd everything go around here? My mom

said, oh, well, it was just wonderful. We got to listen to your brother's favorite music, and I thoroughly enjoyed a song that he played for me called She's Got Balls. Poor mom. Which is one of my favorite old ACDC song. She's Got

Balls, that woman. The filthy lyrics. An Arizona high school basketball player scored 100 points in just three quarters of basketball. That's a good day. Nice. And the first thing I asked myself was what was his team playing against a herd of beached manatees or something? Right, right, right. But he did it.

A kid named Adrian Stubbs. He plays point guard at Maryville High School in Phoenix, Arizona. to score 100 points in three quarters. His team won 109 to 25. Wait, so the final score is 109. He scored 103 quarters. What did they do the fourth quarter? Nothing.

Scored nine points. Yeah. He didn't score 100 consecutive points, did he? Doesn't say that in the article. Okay. He scored 70 of his... Fathers are pretty good he did. If the final score was 109 to...

I'm sorry, that's not a good thing. No. What's wrong with scoring 100 points in a ballgame? Well, come on. I mean, you win 109 to 25. Come on. That's ridiculous. It's just ridiculous.

The other team should suck it up. Sometimes you get pumped. Right? Yeah. That's not the word. They definitely got pumped. There has to be a running clock. I can't even imagine you would be able to do that to score.

that many points with a running clock. Obviously, the clock did a better job of running than the opposition. I guess. If you're an assistant coach on the other team, you should lean over the head coach and say, we might want to try double teaming this guy. Foul him a little bit. You know all about double team. He scored 70 of his 100 points in the first half.

Ah, man. Only, what's it say here, Josh? One of only, oh, he, this kid is, one of only 20 players across the recorded yistory of high school basketball to score 100 or more in a game. Before this 100-point performance, this Adrian Stubbs kid was averaging 23.9. His previous career high, his previous career high in a game was 56. Test him. Maybe.

Yeah. Yep. that team of beached manatees or whoever his high school was playing against that afternoon could not handle this kid. Hunter. He went for a hundred. I'm reading real quick here.

He scored every one of their points in the first half. There you go. Wow. A couple of guys had buckets in the third quarter. I'm like, hey, guys, do anybody else want to do anything? Yeah, I'm getting tired over here. Yeah, that's not a good thing. He's probably exhausted.

Mm-hmm. And it was like six three-pointers, right? It wasn't like he just made a ton of three-pointers. I thought it was. Oh, I didn't look up the box school. Pretty sure that's what it said. A lot of two-point baskets. Yeah.

He's an old school. He's got an old-school mentality out there. People texting in. He's an unranked recruit, it says in the article I'm reading here. Unranked recruit. I'm going to go along with it. Probably does not play in the toughest conference in the history of high school basketball. I'm guessing not.

No. Some people that texting in, Josh, claiming that, hey, Mickey, you're so fine, is actually a filthy song filled with anal sex references. Well, then that would explain. Your teacher didn't know that. No, I'll tell you what, the song maybe was on 20 seconds before she turned it off and started yelling at me. Poor little Josh. Here's the evidence.

You're confused. Sweet little naive, Josh. I was set up. I was set up by seventh grade girls. Oh. Here's the supposed evidence that, hey, Mickey, you're so fine by Tony Basil. has anal sex references in the song. There's a lyric in there that says,

any way you want it, Mickey, I'll take it like a man. Oh, really? People are painting a filthy picture of old Mickey, whatever the hell it's called. Maybe she was right. Use puck bag Jesus as a question about this high school kid that scored a hundred points in one game.

Is he Teen Wolf? He might be, too. Make a difference. Teen Wolf was great at basketball. I thought that was so funny. The becoming a wolf just means you're also becoming unbelievable a basketball. basketball. He was awesome. Dada.

And you could do handstands on the top of moving buses. Yeah, that wasn't the only thing it gave him. Yeah. Was basketball skills he could dance like a sum bitch. Chicks loved him. He could lay pipe. Heck, yeah. What else could he do?

And the fans were so impressed, some of them took their penises out during the basketball game. Well, after the championship was won. Yeah, they were so excited. They were excited about the win. They saved their indecent exposure once they knew that they had won the state championship. They weren't completely classless. It's a respectful thing to do. Yes.

D's out for teen wolf. Oh, God. 205 days until Jalen Hertz next birthday. There was another big brawl during a youth basketball game. I've really grown to love this. Every day there's a new video of parents and students tearing each other limb from limb over youth basketball. This one's got some pretty good video. And again, it's not just a massive gathering of people

where you can't even determine one body from another. You know what I mean? In this one, you get some good one-on-one action. Do you not, Josh? The two mothers are snatching the hair out of each other's heads. Yeah, this is up on 93X.com. One of them kind of fights a little dirty. That's okay.

Appeared to be losing kind of went back when there was a lot of distraction. Yep. It seemed like it was over, and then all of a sudden she came out of nowhere. She's like, ah, psych. She did say, ah, sike. You got to stay on your toes. There are no rules when moms are fighting each other at a youth sporting event. Oh, Staten Island, New York.

That sounds terrible. Sixth grade boys basketball game. Two moms got in some type of heated exchange. And next thing you know, they're pulling the hairdoes, smooth out of each other's skulls, punches. and it sounds like a lot of the adults who got involved, they're going to face a one-year ban. Yeah, I'll bet. Can't act like that.

I've become a fan. I've become a youth basketball fight club fan. Well, it's funny because there's some people that come over like, this is outrageous, we've got to break this up, and all of a sudden they start fighting for some reason. I don't know what prompted that one. It's infectious, Josh. I guess so.

They're trying to break it up first and say, F it, we're joining this thing. You're kidding as basketball tournaments every weekend, Josh. I've seen stuff close a couple weeks back. In my sports ethics class, one of my assignments is I make my students go to a youth tournament and observe and write a paper on the behavior of fans, the parents, the officials, the players, etc. It's very interesting. That's fun. Wow.

Well, so far, my son's playing travel basketball, and so far, the worst I've seen was at Holy Angels High School. There was no Holy Angels connection other than it was a different school. They had to stop one of the games. And then a parrot got kicked out. A parrot? A parrot. Oh, God. You had to clean your ears.

A parent got kicked out of it. He was definitely showing off like a parrot might on his way out of the game. Well, Josh, I told you this. When I was in high school, the Holy Angels fans were dicks. When they beat us in hockey, they chant, Jesus hates you. Jesus hates you God I don't remember doing that

Maybe they didn't do it when you were in the school But when I was in the early 2000s That would happen when they beat us in sections in hockey Dude I love that so much So Brad Ryder That would hurt That would hurt Oh yeah

Brad Ryder so your students go observe a youth Ball game and report back on everyone's behavior have they ever seen anyone pull their rod out after a big victory? No, I haven't read that in any of the papers. Have they ever seen a parent? I look forward to reading those papers, though. There's some interesting stuff. I'm sure there is.

I was just going to ask you, how often do they see something? Oh, quite often. Yeah. I mean, that's part of the reason why I go have them do it so they can see some of the stuff that goes on. Yeah, if you go to every game, I mean, if you go to youth sporting events a lot, there's a lot. you can report back to somebody. I had a thought and I lost it. Brad, I'm wondering if you have the same feeling for me between,

so with my kids, it's been hockey, basketball, football, and softball. The softball parents were kind of some of the wildest, I noticed. And a lot of it was some of these out-of-state tournaments and stuff. But it was, you know, hockey kind of gets the reputation. But I thought softball was way more aggressive. I would say that I would agree with you. I think that the travel softball tournament, I went to. I saw some more egregious stuff than I ever did even at the youth basketball tournaments I was at.

Yeah, same here. I had the same experience. Jesus hates you. By the way, we should, just in case folks don't know, we should give some background on Dana and I joking back and forth about exposing your penis after a big win at a high school basketball game. In the movie Teen Wolf, 1985, Michael J. Fox, it's a riot. Don't watch the remake. The original Teen Wolf was a lot. of fun. This is one of the most notorious, you know, Hollywood movie type stories ever. If you watch the movie during the closing credits, as Michael J. Fox and his classmates are celebrating the big win, the stands empty onto the basketball court like you see. Still to this day when you watch the movie, if you look in the bleachers, which are almost empty with the exception of one guy still standing in the bleachers, he takes out his

and he wags it around a little bit. He doesn't wag it at anybody. He's just kind of looking at it himself. He's entertaining himself with his long exposed penis. What is this? And it never got edited out. I just watched Teen Wolf a year ago, and the scene still has, nothing has been done about it.

I thought I'd never see it. I've seen it online when somebody, I mean, shoot, just a few years ago I learned about it. I saw it online. And then just like you, I saw it on maybe HBO was running or something. It's still there. It's still there. I bet they just decided what the heck.

Might as well leave it in. You ever pull it out, Josh, and just kind of look at it for like, hey, well. No, never once. I hate it. You know that. Oh, yeah. Wolves are at. It's a very tiny sin stick.

You were taught to hate it. You were taught that and you were taught incorrectly. Generations of my family hating our penises. Oh, Jesus. My wife hates it, too. Everybody hates it. Sorry about the wife, then. That's tough.

I don't think she hates it. I don't think she's fully satisfied by it, but I don't... Oh, she's made that very clear. She doesn't hate it. I don't think your wife hates anything. Oh, my God. She's not a hateful person. Take that word back.

Well, remember, she is not a hateful person. You're right. No. I forget exactly what it was, but one time Randy and Brad, we were talking about something, and we had to ask our significant others what they thought about our genitals. Yes. and I asked my wife, and she said, I like it. That's not right.

As if, you know, it's an anomaly that anybody else would, only she would. Exactly. Like she's willing to put up with things that others wouldn't. She didn't make much of an effort with that answer. She could have come up with something a little more supportive, and I'm not trying to be cute by using that. But, yeah, that was a lazy answer on her part. And that also seemed like it was more enthusiastic than she,

really meant. Even that, just that little bit of effort. I totally understand why that still bothers you. Anyone would be bothered by that. It's kind of like when somebody says, what did you think of that movie? And they go, well, I liked it. You know, so they're not, like you said, not recommending it. You're saying most people wouldn't.

Yeah. But I liked it. One of our listeners is texted in to say that he's hung like a turkey timer. Oh. It took me a while to remember what that was. Says his body has to heat up a little bit before he can get a good look at it. And then it suddenly pops out.

Like a turkey timer. 165, 170 degrees. Wolves are at Houston tonight at San Antonio tomorrow night. No Anthony Edwards tonight. He's out again. Oh, no. You want to talk about his injury? I'd be A1 from day one.

I think it's... You want to talk about his infected toe? Is it a toll thing? Yeah, I mean, I don't think it's anything serious, but I think they're just giving him some more time. He's not following. They have been playing the best of any team since Thanksgiving, so they've got some time to let him heal. They've been wonderful. So you do or you do not want to get into great detail about feet, toes, infections.

No, Nick, I don't. Hey, I read a story. They're the exact halfway point of the season right now, 41 games in. Well, look at that. Get her done, Bradrider. Get her fucking done. This is exciting for me to read that the Timberwolves might be entertaining the idea of waiting to watch former Timberwolf Kyle Anderson, Slow Mo. Timberwool.

They're waiting to see if he's bought out by the Utah Jazz or whatever the correct verbiage is there. And then the Timberwolves would pounce on Slow Mo and bring him back to the ball club. I love how versatile that dude is and I want him back with my Timberwolves. Yeah, I think he would help their bench. Absolutely. Yep, he would help their bench. Slow-mo is one cool dude. And maybe that's part of a bigger plan that if they decide to pull the trigger on a Kobe White deal or something like that.

Word. They add a player like that because they would probably lose a couple of players in a deal for Kobe White. Boy, it's been a... You got to talk about Kyle Tucker before we walk out. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gee, of the Christmas. I mean, Kyle Tucker, four years, $240 million for the Dodgers. The Dodgers have 10 players making $100 million or more on their roster.

Yeah, it's stupid. It's just stupid. It's just so, I tell you what, from everything I've been reading last night and today, there's going to be a player strike next year. Enjoy baseball now because the collective bargaining agreement is going to get, ripped up and there's going to be some yeah the owners are going to lock them out

oh it's going to be bad yeah because it's reached this 60 million a season mark now and that's I mean the numbers are just outrageous anyway but I mean that's just craziness it's the imbalance I think that

it is the imbalance to get solved yeah and it was and it was before the Tucker deal though too Brad but you're right the Tucker deal to me puts it way over the top now. That's silly. There are two players on the Dodgers that are making more money.

Their salaries are higher than the twins' entire payroll. That is absolutely ridiculous. Two players on the Dodgers. That's the number one thing they have to get solved is the imbalance. Because these teams like the Dodgers and the Yankees, they have their local television deals that they can afford to pay these salaries. It's not that these teams can't afford to pay them. They can.

But 25 other teams, they can. teams can't. How about this? Before we go, a tennis player lied her way into a professional tournament just because she wanted to play in a professional tournament. And she was absolutely terrible and embarrassed herself and embarrassed the tournament and then disappeared forever. You know what? Good for her. I love it.

She was pretty bad. That just disappeared? Yeah. There's video of this woman. She lied. She lied to the tournament organizers about her skill level. You know, someone got injured. They needed to add a player.

And she said, well, yeah, I'm a professional. I'm actually pretty. I did this. I played in a tournament in China. And they're, okay, you can play. And she was no better than your average schmuck. And it was horrible. And then she disappeared forever.

I wish she would have just, like, dropped her racket and then ran off the court. We have no idea where she is. It's kind of like that fooled local news stations and to let him come on because he was a yo-yo expert. And so he was going to do a little morning show routine. He's going to show some tricks on the yo-yo, and the guy had zero yo-yo

skills whatsoever, and kept dropping the yo-yo, kept, like, hitting himself with the yo-yo. That's awesome. I've never heard of that. Yeah, he lied his way on to multiple different morning shows. Was he trying to pump up his TikTok page or something? No, this was like 2000s, like something like, it was a long time

ago. Yeah, it wasn't right around the same time, there was these two guys that would make up these fake businesses, and they'd jump on a lot of the shows that come after the national morning show. Yeah. Channel 11 had one of those. How about those news shows that didn't know what they were getting when Borat showed up? That was maybe my favorite part of that original Borat movie was when he was on the local yokel dorkass morning television program. They just thought, oh, my damn, what have we done?

Then you're just stuck because it's live TV? All right. You two dickheads go out and have a great. weekend Randy Shabber breath three-day weekend yes sir you don't got to do jack squat for us until tuesday we appreciate every damn little last thing you do for us you bet see you see a tuesday gentlemen we'll be back in a few minutes here on the half-ass morning show the 93 x half-assed morning show what's going on podcast pimps dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning i got on the ball early i already got my ac tuned up for summer i think you should too An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke-slammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help.

Randy Shaver here with the Anner. answer, Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver? More money in the bank. And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good. good yield.

Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down, down. I love how we can play the fact that inflation's been really high as a positive. But if you're a saver, you know what that means? Cha-ching. Silver lining, Joe, silver lining. Afford anything.

Follow and listen on your favorite platform. My half-ass morning show. Minnesota's 93X. Welcome back. Right, right, right, right, right. Loud guitar, music. Welcome back to the show. These, these, I have no idea why I started with that.

Where was that going with that, Josh? These are the greatest days of our lives. Yeah, good too. Welcome back to the show. Hope you're doing just wonderful this morning. This is great. A handful of minutes ago, we were jaw jacking with Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. And Dana was telling us something about Josh's former high school,

the Academy of the Holy Damn Angels. and Dana says when he was a high school kid, when his ball club would play Holy Angels, and Holy Angels would start whooping your ass, the students would cut loose with a chant. They'd say, Jesus hates you. Jesus hates you. I like that one.

That's good. Listen to this text message. I'd never heard this before. A listener says, the students at St. Thomas still have my favorite chant. Apparently, if you're playing St. Thomas at whatever, and they start whooping you, the students chant, it's all right, it's okay, you can work for us someday. All right, it's okay, you can work for us someday.

That's excellent. Oh, man. That is so good. Mm. All right, let's go this way now. Josh, would you call yourself a geek? or a nerd? Yeah, probably

combination. I think you are a... See, you said dork. Yeah. Okay, that may be... I think you are a geek, but you have to understand. It's not the derogatory term it used to be.

You know that, right? It has changed a little bit, thankfully. It's changed. At least I don't mean any real harm when I use the word geek or nerd. For me personally, and I think this is fairly universal, I think of a geek or a nerd,

as someone who is into, you know, techy things, computers, sure. But also a geek or a nerd is the type to know a lot of information about a lot of different things. And a lot of it is very useful. So a geek or a nerd is a very smart person. So I hope you know that. Well, yeah, it's nice if you're describing me that way. I'd say I know maybe a little bit about a lot of things that I'm into. You see, you don't give yourself enough credit.

The other day, our boss, Marv, came in to bore us for 25 minutes, right? Marv comes into, we like Marv, but he comes in, and he just starts running his yapper. Josh, you held your own in a conversation about home mortgages, about self-driving cars. It's unbelievable. You really, you have a lot of information in your brain, and a lot of it is very useful. Does it come off geeky or nerdy? Yeah, but I wish I had that information rolling around in my oversized skull. Well, there's times certainly when there's conversations,

I'm kind of looking towards you and Ashley to gauge your faces to see how annoyed or bored you are? We don't like a lot of talking, me and Ashley. Not after 9 a.m. Do you notice that, Ashley? Yeah. Well, like Marv the other day, I'll kind of look over to Ashley and just go, how's this going? I'll kind of give her a look like. Are you annoyed?

See, now some of you might be saying, well, what about Dana? Is he a geek? See, I think Dana's a dork. Yeah, I think that's fitting. Now, no offense, but a dork is someone who also has great knowledge, and you do. You can tell us all about video games and Legos and I don't know what else you do. But in my opinion, that information isn't quite as useful. Which also likely makes me.

a dork. I have... Yeah, like you could dominate bar trivia and things like that. People think it's cool knowledge. Days and days of information on rock bands and ball clubs

from usually 35, 40, 50, 60 years ago. That also, I think, qualifies me to be a dork. At any rate, can I give you the geek test? Yes. I can dump this one on you. The geek test. Put away your

books. All right. Clear your desks. Store your calculators. Holster them. You're going to take off your calculator, watch. Boy, did I want one of those growing up. Oh, those did look cool.

You're going to take the geek test, okay? So, apparently, if you do 10 of these 20 things, you're officially a geek. And I'm going to start with, this sounds very much like you. Josh, comparing specs before buying any gadget. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. That's 100% Josh. Yeah.

I mean, I over-researched things like crazy. I can totally see it. Totally see it. I definitely way overthink that kind of thing. And I love to learn all the specs and learn all the nerdy stuff about things. Yes, you do. Pretty much any purchase, I'm like that. Like, I wasn't even sure if I was going to bring this up, but I will because it's embarrassing.

I'm trying out like a new. finance program, you know, to keep track of your finances. And here we go. And I'm trying out three at one time, you know, so I'm just like trying to figure out, ah, I like this a little better about this one, whatever, and I might end up using two of them. And I know it's dorky, but that's, I do kind of overthink that stuff. Keep your own score now. Keep your own score. Mm-hmm.

Okay. If you have 10 of these 20, if you do 10 of these 20 things, you're officially a geek. Comparing specs before buying a gadget. watching behind the scenes documentary. How do you say that word? Documentaries? Yeah, sure. I hate those.

Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, man, that's like boring. Really? Like, you and I both like The Witcher. Yeah. Did you watch any of those kind of behind the scenes? No.

Oh, really? I have no interest in them. I would assume because you like kind of nerdy things sometimes. I hate one of like a movie's on and then at the end that starts playing. I'm like, where's the remote? You don't want to see any of the reality. you just want the fiction. Yeah.

Oh, I want it like immediately afterwards. No, no, thank you. All right. I used to love those DVD features they used to have back in the day. Me too. The makings of the behind the scenes featureettes. I would just gobble those up.

I'm kind of with Ashley. I don't really take much of a minute. Okay, keeping tabs open on your computer just in case. No, I'm the opposite. I don't like clutter. I consider that I'll have to read it as fast as I can so I can close it. Yeah, I keep all. I'm like that.

I can't do that. Oh, Dana has got to be marking one point down on this one. This is your whole smear. You're the retro king of the county. Without a doubt. Because it says here, this could make you a geek. If you keep old technology just because it's nostalgic. Oh, yeah.

Look at my old VCR. Look at my old boombox. Look at my, that kind of. The old video cartridges. video game cartridges. I don't, but I kind of wanted to start with a few things. Like what? Like old mic processors and EQs and things like that?

Why do you want to keep them? Well, I want to get like old ones that don't really work and just kind of put them in a rack somewhere and just, you know, make my little room look cool. Yeah, that sounds sweet. I like that. Thank you. What do you keep your old DVD player for, Dana,

just to look at it and say, wow, this is the way we used to do it. No, I still have a bunch of DVDs of things that aren't available on streaming, like some concerts and some other just kind of like random. Well, what is an old piece of technology that you have in your home that serves no purpose other than to just look at it? All the old Nintendo systems. I don't have them hooked up anymore because they use an emulator. So I still have the old Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Nintendo 64, and GameCube on display underneath the TV, but they're not hooked up to anything.

When you walk out of that room, do you? you say emulator alligator. No, Josh, I don't. That was totally Josh. I've never felt more connected to you. You don't hear a lot of puns out of my mouth, but every once or a while, it's my way of trying to bond with you.

It works. Listen to this. Again, if you do 10, if you do half of these 20 things, you are officially a geek. I can't even say this out loud with a straight face. spreadsheets for personal projects? You sit down? Oh, no.

I, you know, usually I'll find apps for stuff like that, but or I'll look up, you know, the best ways to do note taking for things like that. I just started a spreadsheet the other day. I'm trying to learn spreadsheets. You'll take notes on the best ways to take note taking? Yeah, that's exactly right. So you have a project at home. You sit down and you type up, you map it all,

out you? Yes. That's adorable. Okay. I'm starting to feel very self-conscious. Josh, then since you went ahead and admitted something, I'll go out there with you too. I used to. I've gotten better now. I don't do this anymore, but there was a time in my life where I would keep a spreadsheet and keep

track of what jersey I wore and what the result was of the game. Okay. What in the hell is wrong? That's scary. So then if your team lost when you wore the Don B.B. Jersey, You won't wear that one again.

You need to remind yourself of that. Yes. So I'm picking out a jersey. I remember, okay, the last time, you know, they played, I wore this one. They lost. I'm going to switch it up. And again, thinking what you use to cover up your naked body has anything to do with the end result of your favorite team's game. Right.

Yeah. I know it's stupid. When my ex-wife found that spreadsheet, I think she started to really reevaluate her life and decision she had made up to that. Yeah. Watching YouTube tutorials just for fun. Josh. Every day. Yeah, when I have some time to kill, like before bed, I watch a ton of those.

I never even use YouTube for anything else other than music, and that's not even like the actual app. It's just YouTube music. So it could be something you will never undertake in your private life, but you'll sit and watch a dude on a YouTube tutorial show you how to fix a helicopter. Usually it's like learning programs or like concepts about programs. But lately I've been watching a lot of like desk organization videos. Oh, that sounds nice. And like people making build-ins. I love organizing.

You just killed him. I think he's dead. I actually think that this is really, really common as long as you take out the word YouTube. Because I'm sure I'm not alone, but like I'm constantly watching like. Just take my mic away. living room makeover, or like different ways to like build stuff that I'm never going to do. And I know that like that a lot of other people probably do that too because of all the social media reels and stuff. I'm guessing you're right, but did you hear what Josh said?

Yeah. He watched. Yeah, and I'm trying to make them feel better. He watched a desk organization tutorial video. Oh, not just one. A lot like people using 3D printers to print like mounts for different like let's say, yeah. have a USB hub and they can mount it underneath and wire organization. I love it.

I've been really in organization lately, so I can't judge that. That sounds really calming right now. Yeah, and I also have been watching a lot of people who make home library built-ins. Oh, those are so sick, aren't they? I think so, too, yeah. All right, I knew this was going to be a fun conversation, but this has, it has, I had it in my head and now I lost it. It's scary? No.

It's buried expectations. It's surpassed is the word I'm trying to come up with. It has surpassed my expectations. Wow, that is really something. I love YouTube. I watch so much of that stuff. It's insane. Memorizing lines from your favorite films is listed here.

Now, that is not me at all. I'm not good at that. I just kind of watch stuff, and I almost immediately forget what I watch when it comes to movies and TV. Now, I certainly remember plenty of lines from my favorite movies,

but I didn't... Do they mean, like, actually sitting down and practicing, like, taking the time to memorize... It just happens naturally. Yeah, same here. So that one's a little confusing to me. I don't know exactly what they mean.

I used to sit down, and when I used to watch YouTube videos, I used to look up, like, the lyric videos, and I would sit there with, like, a really popular song or one of my favorite songs and try to teach myself the lyrics. St. Paul Lino Jesus has texted in to say, Josh has got to be the most pure human being on Earth. Yeah, he is.

Thank you. I'm pretty embarrassed. Let me get through half of this list of 20 geeky things. Again, we're rolling through a little list here. If you do half of these 20 things, you're officially a geek. everyone's keeping their own score having favorite oh wow

having favorite fonts for your documents oh yeah I just kind of go with whatever the default is yeah I might have like a preferred font or two but I don't really worry too much about it you say yes to that Ashley

yeah I mean I but I guess sometimes when you copy and paste stuff it'll like change and I don't I don't like different any different font than like the typical what is it like sans I have no idea. It's like the normal one. Yeah.

Comic Sands? No, no, it's here. Times New Roman. All right. Sans serif. Whatever that is. Yeah, just like the basic. It looks clean.

Also on the list, memorizing, again with the memorizing, theme tunes from your old TV shows. Again, a lot of us, I think, just naturally remember these songs. They're beaten into our heads when we're kids. I don't think any of us ever sat down and, you know, made sure we got all the, so we could sing it up. I miss those days. I mean, you know, to get to the show,

you had to wait three minutes for a song to go. But I met, like, I was just telling Nick last week, I think it was about the perfect strangers theme song. Yeah, I had no memory of that one. Oh, man, nothing's going to stop me now. That's a rager or a banger right there. I love that one. Learning obscure trivia just for fun.

Learning obscure trivia. Just for fun. Yes, no. I like looking up those weird facts and stuff, but I, I mean, I know people that are really good at that. They'll buy books and, Well, maybe not books anymore, but they'll subscribe to websites and stuff. Warming themselves up for a trivial pursuit showdown kind of thing.

I like to look it up if we're talking about a certain topic or if I got something in the news, but I don't remember that kind of. Very infrequently do I remember. All right. We'll get to the other half of this. We'll find out more about how geeky we all are. We'll get to the second half of this in a few minutes. We got a text message here that says Josh is so pure. I want them to bang my wife.

We're taking the geek test, and we're halfway there. Here's what happened. Somebody put together a list and said, if you do 10, if you do half of these 20 things, you're officially a geek. Everyone's been keeping their own score. Next, organizing books by genre, author, or color. I do color.

Do you really? Yep, and then I have certain books that I bring out for certain holidays because of the color. like all my red books will come out for Christmas and black for Halloween. Yeah. No kidding. I do that with my candles, too. They're in rotation.

I do buy author and alphabetical order, but I was wondering with some of these books series, you know, where there's like 20-some books, do I change it to order of publication? I'm kind of struggling with this. Oh, my God. It's really weighing me down. Yeah, I'd say so, yeah. It would trouble you a little bit if you had a book that was, out of order in as far as when it was released well i'm wondering because right now i do it

alphabetically alphabetical so i'll go by author stick with that versus publication date it's working for you yeah so yeah i can find them easy creating detailed wish lists for future purchases oh yeah i have so many different um you are truly unreal what's that i have so many different lists like that on amazon you write down what you want to buy in the the future. Yeah. What it'll cost, when you might buy it. Is that the kind of thing we're talking about, Josh?

Yeah, I have, yeah, I keep a list. And it's also, like, if I think of something throughout the year, let's say maybe I think of something for you, Nick, for your birthday. That's wonderful. Oh, mark it down, so I just remember. Yeah, it's smart. Creating playlists for every mood or occasion. I don't do that.

I, you know, I just started kind of listening a little more music. Usually for me, it's books on tape, right? But because of you, because after the show. lately you've been playing music. Yeah. You know, and so now I've been trying to do that in my daily life. I enjoy it while we're here. Yeah, I don't, I've never created a playlist.

I don't know about there. Everyone's keeping their own score here. I do that for road trips. Road trip. Especially if you're going up north because then I have to like download the music ahead of time so that I don't have to use my Wi-Fi because there's no reception. Where does Steppenwolf born to be wild fall into the mix? Is it right at the very beginning?

Somewhere in the middle. I always play a holiday road anytime we, from vacation, anytime we go and have a road trip. I don't want to play every time. Cubby, I don't care who you are. When that dog starts barking, I'm laughing. Me too. It barks to the beat, to the song, Holiday Rock.

Sorry. Watching movie trailers multiple times before it's released, before the movie or the TV series is released. You watch the trailer. Oh, I definitely do that. Depends what it is. But like I said a couple weeks ago, trailers give everything away now.

Yeah, they've been doing that for decades. I used to love watching trailers. I'd always make sure and get to the movie early so I could see them all. Yeah, some of them are fun. Yeah, totally. And a matter of fact, that one time I thought, what a cool job that would be making these trailers. But now, just like you, Nick said the other week, I like going into it knowing very little. I mean, I want to know, okay, it's a sci-fi movie about whatever.

Right. But other than that, I don't want to know too much. Because you're right, Ashley, they give it all away. Yep. Collecting quirky coffee mugs or novelty items. Josh has that one hilarious coffee mug. FBI? But what does it really stand for?

Federal booby inspector. Booby inspector. Or female body inspector. Do you have funny coffee mugs and quirky this, that? Yeah. I definitely do. Yeah, of course I do. Yeah, it's cute.

I have one that says have a nice day, but then on the bottom of the mug, there's a middle finger. Oh, that's funny. My friend, I told you guys this, I think, once, but my friend got me a plain coffee mug, just a white coffee mug. I'm not a big coffee guy, but I'm like, I'll drink out. of it just to, you know, it was nice enough to give it to me. Yeah. So I'm drinking root beer or whatever out of it.

People are laughing at me, and I thought, well, they're laughing. Look at this guy. He's drinking root beer out of a coffee mug. I didn't realize on the bottom it said douchebag. So every time I tipped it up, I was reading jokes on me. Guys just trying to enjoy some root beer out of the mug. Dana said earlier something that frightened all of us in the room. And I would imagine a great majority of our listing audience that he kept a log at one point

or another of what jerseys he wore while watching certain ball games. So then if his team lost, he wouldn't wear that. Right? Yeah, that's the exact gist of it. You were so superstitious about what jersey you wore and the end result of your team's game that day that you kept a log. How about this one? Keeping a log of films, movies that you've watched. I used to, yeah.

That's a thing now. I can't think of what the ad. Yeah, people do that. Like, everybody does that. Everybody does what? They use letterbox, so you can, like, it's some public platform, and you can put on there, like, what movies you've watched,

what... Ew. I mean, Dana, do you know more about it? Yeah, you can do it for movies you've watched, you know, so you can see that these are some movies I saw in 2025. You can also do with books. Like, I got a buddy who's a big reader, and we have a lot of the same interest,

so I go check out his letterbox, so I'm looking for a book to read. My mother who recently passed, we learned after going through her things, that she wrote down every book she had read in the last 25 years or something. Do you read fan theories online? Yeah, I like those. So you get, before you watch the Game of Thrones, you'll go on some website and see what other people think of it.

Yeah. I have one that's not on the list when it comes to closet organizations. Now, I don't have a lot of clothes. Yes. I organize everything by color of the rainbow and then by thickness of fabric. I would totally do that if I didn't have as many clothes as I do. And it goes all the way from casual to business casual to dressy. That's from left to right.

I used to do that when I was younger too, Josh, and especially like my underwear drawer. I would even put it like in, like I would do it by color and then by what kind of style it was. and I would fold it perfectly like they do at the store. Truly fascinating. Really absolutely fascinating to me. This one's a little bit odd and seems out of place. Keeping score during a game show? I mean, don't they do that for you on the television?

Yeah. And finally, using keyboard shortcuts for everything. Oh, yeah. I was just reading you guys my YouTube playlist. I learn as many as I can. I mean, I have like, I set up macros to put keyboard shortcuts on top of keyboard shortcuts. Wow. All that kind of stuff.

I'm starting to learn that. It's, I never really figured it out until I started working here and now. I'm like, wow, this is so much easier. And I'm talking about, like, simple things I've learned in the last couple of years, like, how do copy and paste to using your keyboard. All right, let's check everyone's score. Again, if you did half of the 20 things that I listed, you're officially a geek. Ashley? I got nine, so I'm safe.

Oh, you're one of the cool kids. Dana? 11. Kiabbi. Also 11. Well, I'll tell you what. You're a friggin organized, knowledgeable group. Do I find a lot of it wildly unnecessary?

Yeah. Yeah, I understand. But if it keeps you happy and keeps you content and makes you feel organized and all that, good for you. you. That's really, really interesting. You honestly organize your clothes by the thickness of the fabric? We start with color, yeah, color and thickness of fabric. Wow. Yeah, you have like a winter side of your closet and a summer side, right? Well, you should see the quote unquote side of my closet. Like, our closet is not very big, but I have maybe 10 percent. My wife has 90 percent of that thing. This is great. So I mentioned I have a plain white coffee mug and on the

bottom it says douchebag. Yeah. Which was news to me at first. This person says they have a similar white mug, but on the inside of the bottom, it says, you've been poisoned. I got to get that. That's excellent. Right when you finish that drinking.

We've got to go. We'll be back on Tuesday and all that. We welcome Warren Robert. The newest member of their brotherhood, his brother Dale and cousin Phil, are going to raise a lot of hell together as they grow up from our pal commercial real estate Jesus. Robot leg Jesus texted. birthday shout out to his awesome mother-in-law, Amy. Ambassador of Rubbish Jesus.

We'd like to give his awesome father-in-law, G.B. A happy 66th. Happy birthday to Porcelain Punisher Jesus for tomorrow. Shout out to Leo turning the big 07 tomorrow from HVAC delivery Jesus. Happy 47th birthday today to Curtis. And a shout out to Maple Mike Jesus from Wiscoe Maple Syrup Jesus. Have an awesome weekend. The 93X half-assed morning show.

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