93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Totally Penis!

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

Originally Aired June 18, 2026: Veterinarian Doctor Andrea answers pet questions. Cool is still cool. Everything you wanna about skinny butt.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back.

With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X-Hast morning show. 90. Ninety-three. You want to hear what an F-off day sounds like you came to the right place. Our latest F-off day is officially kicked off.

And we're going to treat today like garbage. This is our schedule today. We're going to treat today like absolute garbage. And then we'll leave out of here. and then we'll be back on Monday. We'll check in on you from time to time. We will. But after today, we're gone till Monday.

She's our ultimate F off day. Almost there. Almost to that Monday. It's been a good start. Oh, my God. We got called butt pirates so far this morning. That's fun. Who?

Who called us a butt pirate? Steelers fan Jesus called us butt pirates. Fair enough. Box tossing Jesus. You know, he sent in some encouraging words this more Yeah. I'm sorry. Were you sucking in on something?

Is that you? It was, yeah. You're drinking right into the microphone? Let me just tell you something. Let me tell you what happened there. I'm trying to take a draw out of my massive water jug. And I was, because

I didn't have the the mouthpiece in the right position, I was making an obvious sucking sound. Yeah. I did it twice. And both times I did it, I was thinking to myself, who's doing that?

It's you. Stupid. It was me. So the other names we were called today? But pirates. And then I was mentioning that box tossing G's a sentence. Some encouraging words, hoping we don't screw today up. Well, we don't care if we screw today up.

Like I said, we're treating this one like trash. Because we out. Dr. Andrea Johnston will be stopping by later if you want to talk about your dog or your keedy. Nice. You can text Dr. Andrea about your house pets later. No Randy Shaver today. Yesterday was his ultimate F off day,

so we won't have his tired ass holding us back. Now is your time to shine, Josh. A couple of folks are saying it's their, actually more than a couple are saying today's their ultimate F off day too. Outstanding. I like it. We can sync that up. I know you don't normally enjoy Randy's company,

so this is your chance to shove it right back into his face. I don't. Sometimes you tell me these things about me that I've never realized. I think it's quite obvious. I'll have to think about that over the weekend, kind of reflect on it. Come on Monday. We're almost there. And we'll figure it out. Ah, dude, somebody texted in and said today's their Friday and they're off for the next 17 days.

Dang. Oh, bad news. What are you doing? You were fired. That means you were fired. Yeah, what are you going to do with 17 days off? Sounds pretty good. That sounds pretty...

Back in the day... Flipping good. Yes, back in the day. They would want us to take the majority of our vacation off in December. and it would be after like two weeks or two and a half weeks, whatever it ended up being, you come back and forget how to get here, forget what you're doing,

it felt so strange. Everybody's gained about 10, 12 pounds. Yeah. It's weird. It sounds weird, but it's like that was too long, too long to be gone. We used to take long stretches off in December.

You're right. It would be two weeks. Yeah, at least. Was the norm. And that's when the bosses were like, take it then. I didn't. I mean, obviously time off is great, but you're right.

Coming back after that was brutal. It's weird. Brutal. Ultimate F off day this, ultimate F off day, that. We're happy to have you with us this morning. You want to learn something kind of cute right from the get-go? And maybe you won't learn anything. Maybe this is something you already knew.

We love a good slang term around here. We love slang just as, much as the next guy. Most slang words or slang terms, they come and go. They're cool for a short period of time and then they gone. A good example I think would be, and I have a hard time saying this out loud because it just drove me crazy how people hopped on this and just wrung it out. They just rang it to the last drop until we couldn't stand it anymore.

At least personally, I couldn't stand it anymore. A good example of a slang term or a slang term. slang word that came and went quickly. Hot mess. Yeah, I'm glad that's done. God, you couldn't round a corner for about three months without somebody using that frigging. Right around that time, everything was Uber.

Everything was Uber cool. I mean, before Uber, the ride chair service. Oh, that's Uber sweet. Uber something. I know that drove you bananas. Well, it just was so strange, and everybody said it all the time. Two things you hated. Randy Shaver sharing the airtime with us.

I don't even remember that. And you hated when folks said Uber. So most slang terms, slang words, they come and go. Answer me this. What's the slang term or slang word, whatever the best way to say that? What is the slang term that you just can't shake? You've been using it for years and you can't shake it, even if it sounds wildly out of place in modern society.

You can't shake it. I know mine. I've got two of them. Awesome is one. and word is the other. Yeah, those are two of mine, but also I say dude a lot. Oh, same way. Sometimes, like, I'll say, what's up, dude, to like somebody that you don't really say what's up, dude, like a priest or something.

It'll come out like, good talking to you, dude. It's more like that. It's like at the end of something, and I go, ah, dang it, why do I call that person a dude? Next time you see that priest, call him dog. Yeah, what's up, dog. Mine is probably dope. Dope. Dope.

Dope. Dope. It's out of place. I use bro a lot. Bro? Throw a lot of bros in there. Here's what I have for you. Like I was saying, most slang disappears quickly.

Hot mess, you know. Oh, epic. Medical device, Jesus. Good point. Yeah, that one was going around. Everything had to be epic. Think about how many words sounded trendy for a couple of months and then vanished forever. But according to a linguist, Josh, I think you could have made your living as a linguist.

Oh, I don't know about that. Oh, you use words on this program that I've never heard a four. Like... I make them up. Like a four. You've heard a four, a four. Yesterday you used... If I had to rate my looks, it'd be a four.

A four? A strong a four. Yesterday you used a word in your news report. I wish it could come up with it. But you... My mother would have preferred you were her son. She was... I think this was mentioned in her obfuscant.

She was a card-carrying member of the Grammar Society. She was always correcting our grammar. She had books and books dedicated to little-used, seldomly used words in the English language, and she would read all about it, and she would try to tell me, you know, with your position on the radio, you should use that position to better your grammar. She was really into that. So she would have been very proud of you, Josh, if you were her son, because your vocabulary is impressive. Well, I'm not going to agree.

My dad was a writer, maybe just have used to that. That's probably where it came from. But what was the, there was a word I used off air before the show and you kind of laughed at it. Oh, yeah. We were talking about a person. It wasn't so much a word. It was just the way you said it. Oh, okay.

We were talking about someone that we really didn't like, which is a favorite conversation of the half-ass morning show when we're off air. We love to drag people through the mud that we don't. People have been very rude to us. They had it coming. Damn, how did you say it? We were talking about this person that we didn't like, and we've settled on that now. We don't like this person.

But at first, you really like them. And you said, damn. Well, no, that it was actually we were talking about somebody who we do like, and their significant other, their current significant other. I had said, you know, have you ever met her before? And I said, ah, dang it, I can't remember. It was something like, she's lovely. It wasn't that. It was some weird.

I had it and I lost it. So here's the thing. There is one slang term that has stood the test of time. There's one, according to this linguist, who has made appearances on PBS, Josh. Oh, my parents used to watch the heck out of that. That's where there's a higher cut of society that hangs out. Oh, I didn't know that. I wasn't aware, really.

PBS? Yeah, fancy. That's where you might not, Ashley, when you punch the remote up, they might not even show up at your. I have like kid PBS. It's very educational. It might be too educational for someone like you. June Rapids doesn't get that channel.

No, and that's my design, Ashley. And let's not forget, Ashley, confess the other day she thinks Mr. Rogers was creepy. You're in the, that was a... Regular creepy or Uber creepy? Uber. That was an unnerving statement when you tried to disparage Fred Rogers. Yeah, yeah, PBS maybe doesn't come in in your zip code.

Yeah. Yeah, it's because it's Channel 2 and you guys can't count that high. That's probably what it is. Somebody said I say shoot a lot. Well, it's not really a slang term. No, no, no, no. That's a little different. but yeah, you do say, shoot.

You also say, yesterday you said jeepers. Yeah, when I get real mad, sometimes I say jeepers. So take a guess. It's pretty easy if you think about it. What is the slang term that has stood the test of time, according to this linguist? Oh, it's easy. Yeah, okay, go ahead. Cool.

Cool. I guess I wasn't considering that a slang term. Oh, also, I'm glad this is... Maybe I don't know exactly what it's... That's how it's written in the article. Yeah, slang. Yeah, slang, cool. I'm glad this one's gone hot.

Everything was hot. Oh, that's hot. That's hot. Thanks to what was your name. Paris Hilton. So apparently, according to the linguist, cool has been popular for more than 100 years, which is pretty impressive for slang.

Part of the reason it's been around as long as it has. It's very flexible. it can be described it can be used to describe somebody who's laid back or stylish or impressive or likable you can just say things like are we cool or cool it

that's the heavyweight champion right there I guess I used the heck out of that yeah oh yeah and it it can be used in so many different ways and it's never when I've said it or when I've heard it said it never comes off out of place. Like, say, someone who still says groovy or, you know, something like that.

Cool is the champion. I have a buddy who says salty a lot in a lot of different ways. That would get to me. That would get to me. The way he says it is kind of annoying, and he knows it too. So now he's kind of leaned into it. Bodacious. Cowabunga.

Hang 10. Yeah, bodacious was a thing for a while. I'm trying to remember some of the ones in grade school that we would say quite a bit. I mean, shoot, there's so many of them now. You just said shoot. Oh, I did, didn't I? One of these days, the actual word's going to come out. The one I'm replacing is going to come out by accident.

I wish we could come up with the way you were speaking off air a few minutes ago when you were talking about this person. It was just something you don't normally hear out of a 50-some-year-old man. Even when I said, I'm like, that was a weird way to phrase that. I think this is what you said. You were talking about your first impression, or not your first impression, but your general impression of this person. And I think you said something along the lines of, I found her to be pleasant. Something similar to that. I found her to be pleasant. Narlie. Scoopy bucket Jesus. Yeah, we say gnarly quite a bit. Rad. Yeah, it's another good one.

and everything was rad or way rad at times? Yeah, all of them. Tubular. Never said tubular. That was always in the movies. Heard it, never said it. So nerdy. Totally tubular.

All of those slying terms can suck it. I think I still. They can't hold a candle to cool. That's the one that universally approved. I still say rad sometimes. Yeah, you do. Awesome. Yeah, I use that a lot.

Can't shake it, me personally. And then I can't believe. that 30 years now, I cannot stop the bad habit of saying, word or word up. It was, because the first time I heard it, I hated it. Hated it. I thought it was so dumb, but so many people in this building. And it was all, it all started here.

It didn't come from my personal life. It all started here. When I first started at this radio station, everybody said back and forth to each other, word, Hey, you're going to that concert this weekend? Word. And it just, it's like I was brainwashed. Sometimes even like, hey, I heard you went to that concert over the weekend.

Word or not word. Right. Oh, Word. They were great. I mean, what the hell happened? Because I hated it, and I thought it sounded so dumb. And it does. But I was like brain-effed.

People are texting about bitching. That's funny. You mentioned that because one of the people we were talking about, but off air, I mentioned he says bitching all the time. That's kind of like his thing. The T word, if something's great, sometimes you would up that with stripper T word. You know, if you wanted to enhance it. I got a buddy that still says that.

I've told him, I'm like, you know, today you got to change that up a little bit. Sweet. I still say sweet quite a bit. Yeah, same here. Did we already say sick? That one comes up on the air. That's it, bro. Yeah, the T word.

You going to that concert this weekend, or did you go to the concert this weekend? Yeah, how was it? Oh, man, T's. Big fat stripper tease. Yeah. Stripper Tee's even. Whoa. They must put on a heck of a show.

Lit. The opening segment is lit. Never used it. I hate that word. Never said it. Yeah, I haven't said it, but it doesn't bother me. The awesome thing, that's one that does. bother people. I've heard people get frustrated like, oh, was it awesome? Oh, yeah. When you put it in a

context? I still feel silly saying it because I've had those encounters with people where they kind of go after me. Yeah, that's when they get mad. And they should because it's the same. See, I get irritated when people refer to everything these days as amazing. Because it's too much for, It's too much for what you're describing. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Did you watch that Twins game last night? Oh, yeah, that was amazing.

Really? A Twins game? That doesn't fit. You know what I'm talking about? If you went to space, that's amazing, right? It's the same thing with Awesome. I think I'm guilty. I use it to describe simple, stupid, everyday things.

It doesn't apply. It's hard sometimes you're just kind of used to it. Right, right. But yeah, the awesome, I don't know, that sets people off. But Amazing does too. Oh, were you filled with awe? Is that the case? Right.

We all sound like jackasses. You know, we get hung up on these. I'm sorry. I don't know. I just said it. Let me tell you something about that. The T's slang term. A woman's chest.

The T word. That was a thing. As a matter of fact, well, we, this was a habit we fell into when we were young guys. So this buddy of ours dated a gal And she was very very small chested Okay And her name was Missy

So I'm trying to explain this best I can It became a bad habit For our friend group Anything small Anything slight We referred to as a Missy Oh no

Do you see where we're going with this So we were so fascinating I don't know if that's the right word to use. We were kind of drawn to this gal was so small-chested. And again, we're 18-19-year-old guys. Don't, you know, come running for me here and calling me the most insensitive. We were 18 or 19 years old.

We didn't know any better. So because this gal was so small-chested and her name was Missy, we started referring to anything small as a Missy. Was she also, like, small and skinny? Yeah. Oh, well, that helps. So, it kind of does. But of course, we never use this term in front of our buddy who was dating her for good reason.

Yeah. Until one guy screwed up. We're sitting in front of the television one day. And the dude who was dating Missy, small-chested Missy, is sitting there. We're all watching television together. And one guy in the group says, hey, and this will show you how long ago this was. One guy in the group says, hey. someone get up and turn that television up

just a, turn it up just a missy. Meaning just a little. And the dude who was dating Missy goes, a what? Oh, no. Just turn it up a little. When he said, well, no, you said, turn it up a Missy. What do you mean? And I can't remember how we talked his way out of it,

but we were stuck. Oh, God. Did he talk his way out of it or was it? He did, but I don't remember how he did. I don't remember what spin he put on it to explain. But, I mean, suddenly this guy realized that we were using his girlfriend's name as a slang term for, I mean, it was just so dumb, but it was this awkward moment. Yeah. How do we get out of this one?

Turn that TV up a missy. One good eye, Jesus said, when he does something stupid, he'll, like if I tip something over, I'll say awesome. I do that all the time. Like, oh, awesome. Nice one, Bittany. That was great. Way to go. Yeah.

you know you said something earlier about Uber Josh yeah Uber great Uber bad and you said not to be confused with the cab company correct so here we are this is our ultimate F off day our weekend begins at 9 a.m maybe some of the rest of you are in the same boat maybe some of you have to wait till tomorrow but regardless

this is a kind of weekend I hope at least one of you has, one of you in our listening audience. I hope you have this type of a weekend. I was reading a little something or another about some one-night stand stories. I can't say that a lot of them were great, but I did find one keeper. And here's how it goes. I'm wishing this upon at least one of our listeners this weekend. Maybe you'll go out and have a kick-ass one-night stand.

So here's the story from a, you know, a year. young lady. She said, I met a guy at a bar. And Josh, he took me back to his apartment. I know what that's for. Do you? Met a guy at a bar. He took me back to his apartment. We folded each other up against the wall, upside down and backwards. And then he was nice enough to drop me back off at the bar. So a friend of hers could pick her up. And that happened. Dude drops her off at the bar.

Her girlfriend comes to pick her up. She went home and took a shower because she had to work later. She didn't drive this gal. She used ride-sharing services. So she had to go to work. She called an Uber to take her to work. And the dude that she just folded was her Uber driver. Oh, no.

That sounds terrible. How you been? What's new? I'm going to give you the same review for the intercourse last night. Fivestone. Oh, hey dude. Oh, yeah. She stiff him on the tip.

That sounds miserable. I would definitely stiff him on the tip, Dana. I'd feel weird, like, giving him extra money. Well, I mean, it wasn't like they had a bad time. I know. They had a great time. I mean, if the dude went limp or she pooped on his bed or something, and then they met an hour later for an Uber.

Oh, God, you again? I was hoping I'd never see you. But it sounds like at least they had a good time with the folding. I would think that'd be kind of fun and funny. Oh, my God, how'd this happen? I don't think I'd be embarrassed by that. I wouldn't be embarrassed, but I'd be like, oh, I thought this was over. All right.

I just have stupid conversation. I thought once I washed all of you off of me, this would be over, but here you are again. I think it would kind of be like when you say your goodbyes at the exit of a restaurant and then you realize you parked next to each other. That's kind of how it'd feel like, oh, shoot, we had such a nice farewell. and we're kind of starting over here. Crap. I should start asking people where they parked,

so I know where to say goodbye. Turn your microphone up on Missy. I can barely hear you. I can. I have no control over it. You know, Ashley, let me ask you something if you don't mind. What's up? I think if women used a part of a male's anatomy

to suggest something was great, I'd be quite honored. Although now I worry that, I mean, when you say like a T word that might offend somebody, how do you feel about that? Uh, I guess indifferent. Okay. I kind of just like, whatever. Like how cool it? Like, gentlemen, how cool it would be if women are like, ah, weiner?

Like, okay, that's something you might say for bad. But, oh, yeah, why's that bad? But, you know, if you say something like, ah, boner and they're like saying this is great, that'd be kind of cool. Like a group of girls sitting around and one. One of them says, I'm going to Mexico this weekend for vacation. And the other girl says, oh, Mexico, that's totally penis. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Wouldn't that be great? Yeah, I guess that would mean that penises are good in that circle of friends. Right. They refer to penises as the highest of all. I never thought of that before. It's a positive thing. Yeah, it's positive.

Yeah, positive. But how, like, yeah, if you call anything, if usually you say something's penis, that means it's negative. but if you say something about like something's a boob related, that usually means it's good. I think that our July 10th Independence Day boat party is going to be total vagina, dude. Oh, man, you're not kidding.

That thing's going to be Vaj. Oh, dude. That's good. It's positive, actually. We like vagina around here. Yeah. So when we say that, we say that negatively. It's going to be labia and labia majora.

Oh. That's the way we're rolling. Not minora, majora. That is going to be. The labes, dude. That boat party? Labes. Oh, my God.

You know, it's going to be patriotic. Labraham Lincoln's going to be there. You know what I'm talking about? Ashley, will you start using penis in a positive term? I'll try. It's going to be a hard habit to break. My wife hates them. She always says how ugly they are, especially mine.

Oh, here's trash. She's not the only one. She thinks what's ugly on you? The male anatomy is disgusting. You're the one who thinks your anatomy is disgusting Oh, I hate it Your wife enjoys it You're projecting

Your wife is fine with it She's probably better off than I am Yeah, I hate it She's made that statement before Trash Daddy Jesus texted in Yeah this is speaking my language He said have you ever heard anyone say Ah balls

You know what? Oh yeah I love that Absolutely I'm an ah balls guy Instead of like ah Or ah damn You say ah balls Sometimes I even throw this into the mix cubby

Sometimes I even say Bob Balls Mahoney, which is a tribute to one of my favorite ECW wrestlers. So there you go. We got to get going again. Dr. Andrew is going to be here a little bit later. But it's an F off day. You just don't know. Maybe we'll play five, six songs in a row. That was a terrible show last week we heard.

One person said that. Well, yeah, but it still sticks with me. What happened? Remember last year we were criticized. Last week, yeah, last week we were criticized for having a crappy show because we played. No, no, no, no. That's not at all what happened. One dude thought that I was being a pain in the ass.

One dude referred to me as being on my period last Friday. It had nothing to do with the whole show. No, no, no, he was attacking me. He wasn't attacking the program. What you're referring to is last, was it last Friday? We played Huey Lewis & News. We played Seven Dust because we felt like it, right? Yeah.

That guy wasn't trashing those ideas. He just didn't like me. So don't worry about it. about that. So maybe we end up playing some more oddball music, whatever. Like I said, it's an F-off day. That just reminds me people were saying, gosh, that guy sounds like a dick. Again, negative connotation. Right.

I'm sorry. Yeah, we got to take the dick back. We do. Let us withdraw the dick. I don't think there's any turn. There's no turning back on that one because I even enjoy calling a negative person a dick. Yeah, me too. But we got to stop. We can't perpetuate this negative stereotype of the penis. It can be turned maybe if

if we try hard enough. Stupid news is our next move. We'll get to that in a few minutes on the program ski. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer

when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better.

Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience

in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. One night with Stiney.

One night with Stiney. Shout out, Tulsa and Nell. This is just about me being myself. It's going to be chaotic. I can't guarantee anything. All I can guarantee is that you're going to be entertained. How can I join an OVO? You can keep DMing Drake or keep paying.

By the way, I like O'I. I do that. I know you DM Drake all the time. I know you know that. You paid me $3,000 on Venmo one time to text him for you. Dude. One night with Stiney. One night with Stine, baby.

Let's go. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Yeah, we'll get there. Got a brand new stupid news report. Ready to roll. But first, Josh had some concerns earlier in the program. We were talking about slang terms, words.

We were basically talking about words. And Josh's concern is that male genitalia, it's used so negatively. Like when we meet someone we don't like, what do we call them, Josh? We call him a dick. A dick. He'd like to see male genitalia be used with a more positive spin. Like say, the example that you came up with earlier was, we dudes, some of us, when something is good, when something is wonderful, we refer to it as teas, the T word slang for women's breasts. See that concert last night? Oh, dude, it was big old T's, man. T's, stripper T's.

You'd like to see that kind of a positive spin put on. The rod. You know, it's like women are always objectifying us, right, Ashley? Yes, obviously. So it'll be nice to, what happened? I hurt myself. That did look painful. It's to, oh, yeah.

So it'll be nice if you could just give us this a little bit. Yeah, sure, why not? If you're going to treat us like pieces of meat. You guys go through so much already. Yes, centuries of it. Oh, yes, about time. You know, it makes me concern for the ass. I'm an ass man, and I'm not trying to steal Randy Shaver's gimmick or that of television wrestling, all-time great Billy Gunn.

You know what I mean. I am an ass man. Sure. A big old set of cans is wonderful and this and that, but some guys like legs, some guys like feet. I'm an ass guy. Lately, Josh, I'm sure you're well aware of this, suddenly. when people experience something negative, they say, oh, that was ass. Yeah, I say that.

I hated that movie. It was total ass. So the same thing is happening to the ass that's been happening to the male genitals for years, Josh. Yeah, that's not fair. No. Back to the... And it can be confusing to someone like you. Sure, because I always think of ass as positive.

Yes, I do. So back to the, you know, men. Male genitalia could use more of a positive. One listener put it like this. This is, I guess, how it all started, how things started to go bad for the pecker. A listener says simply this. Richard needs a better marketing team.

Well, this slang of male genitalia, this is hyper-specific, but in poker, no limit hold them, if you have the best hands called having the nuts. So that's a positive. one, but again, it's very specific to one thing. That's got nuts is usually a positive. Yeah, right. Isn't that funny? But then again, you're nuts.

Mm-hmm. But I suppose that's probably not related to a penis. It's not. It's all... Genital. It's all very complicated, but... So many layers of this are unraveling. It's fascinating, right? Because the penis, the wang itself, is usually

perceived to be negative, but nuts are a good thing. Mm-hmm. So we got that going for us, at least. And how do I use it as an example? Like, you know, you did something brave. Look at the nuts on that guy, right? So they work as a team, the rod and the nuts, but yet they're both perceived so differently,

one so positive and the other negative. Yeah. It's hard to keep up. And I know what some of you are saying. How much grass did you folks smoke before you went on the year? It's a Friday. This is fun. We're exploring how these things have,

it is our Friday all right yeah I mean what's worse than a dick a bag of dicks right just up that right

and then I want you to consume it go eat a bag of them eat of them do you guys remember when I got you bag of dicks for uh for Christmas one year those bags of dicks uh no

candies yeah oh no I thought you said you were I thought you said you were going to and then you never did I did. No, I do not recall.

All right. That was a waste. I just wanted you guys to eat a bag of dicks. And I'm sure we happily did. We just don't recall. Gobbled them up. I'm sure we gobbled them up like it was prom night. Okay.

I had multiples in my mouth at once. Look at the balls on that guy. Yeah. He's not afraid. Let's get it going here. Let's get after it to start today's stupid news report. Here's another one of those. another one of those types where all you can really do is just turn your back on them and move on.

You just got to let some people go. We'll say it again. There's no help in some people. It's too late for help. So, F them. I know it sounds cold, but I think that's the approach we need to embrace around here. Some people, just F them. Let them go.

Don't even try. Down there in the hopeless far southeastern part of the United States, A low-life character. He tried to break into an RV while he was on his way to court for a prior burglary charge. Do you see how you are? Yeah. There's a guy that can learn a lesson. An RV is something I always have wanted.

Me too. When I get like these ideas, right, or think, oh, gosh, I need something like that. I just project to, if I had an RV, would I go out in it right now or plan a camping? trip and I never would. It seems like it'd be awesome. I would love one. I want to retire in one. I always thought, Josh, that RVs were total ass.

But then I realized I was wrong and I said to myself, oh, balls, quit being such a dick. RVs are teas, man. Big fat stripper teas. Stripper teas. A guy, he tried to break into an RV while he was on his way to court for a prior burglary charge. The family that lives in the RV says that dude who was trying to break in. The family says they were all setting inside. They say that the derelict tried to crack open a locked door or two. And then for no good reason, he caught power to the damn thing. Maybe because he was frustrated he

couldn't get in. So he pulled the plug. That's scary. Have you guys ever, I don't know if you call it camping. Do you call it camping if you're in an RV? I go. Go ahead. I know some people at campers. That's not camping. No, I mean, what else would you call it, right? So have you ever done that, camped in one of those? Yes, it's very nice.

Yeah, awesome. I had a date to grow whose parents had one. That's the way to do it, for sure. They know what they're doing, smart. Just once. I've been in one of those big schmancy 40-foot bastards. Oh, dude, with some AC in there too. It's beautiful, just beautiful.

And it was a hotter than Dutch love weekend. And we had that, oh, sure. I've had a few nice experience. experiences like that, Josh, absolutely. You guys know me. I'm a bit of a romantic, very good at sex, things like that. I tried to... Very good at sex.

Yeah, that's usually what people who are good at sex say. What are you trying to say? Nothing, nothing continue. Well, that's interesting. Yep. I'm very good at it. And I tried to be romantic with my girlfriend at the time, so I bought some red wine. I'm not a wine guy.

I didn't know about it, and I put it in the fridge, and she was fancy, and she berated me saying, you did. don't put red wine in the fridge. Oh, I do. I ruined it. I ruined everything. My wife's not fancy then. I put red wine in the fridge, but that's because I don't think that, I mean, besides like coffee or a hot chocolate, your beverage should be ice cold.

Thank goodness that I'm so good at sex, otherwise I would have ruined that whole weekend. We call her and let her know she's stupid then, Ashley. Yeah, I got you. Who was this? One of your ex-girlfriends? Yeah. She hollered at you for putting red wine in the refrigerator. Yeah, she thought I was just completely uncultured sweat.

Did you guys? Did you make up by having a little? like a hate F? I've never had a hate F. You have? I hate your guts. Let's make love. Who hasn't had a hate F?

Oh yeah, of course. Come on, Cubby? Well, how do you miss somebody? And then F them. How do you convince somebody you hate to F? There's no convincing. You just attack each other. It's violent.

It's terrible. It's a mutual attack. Can I tell you something? You go right ahead. I'm not very good of sex. Well, I guess not. You never even had a hate F. No.

I mean, honestly, I'm probably pretty bad at it. All right. I'll be the judge of that. Would you really as a friend? Yes. Hey, I'm going to sleep with Dana. I mean, this is not sexual. He's just going to give me his honest opinion.

Yeah, this is just research. Yes, glamping. People are saying glamping. Yeah, that's the term. I was, I knew it, and I just didn't want to say it. I was afraid to say it's an annoying term. I don't want to say it. I didn't want to say it.

Yeah. Just say fancy camping. All right, so Crackhead is breaking into the, well, maybe we don't know that he's a crackhead yet. But Darylick is breaking into an RV. There's a family inside the sum bitch. Terrified because they're in the dark now. He pulls the plug on the operation.

The owners call the cops. The idiot turned out to be a 34-year-old feller called Devon. When the police pulled up on Devon, he was dressed up as a lady, don't you know? He was wearing tight leggings and a cute little. middrift-bearing tank top and he told the cops that's why he was trying to crack open that RV. He told him, hey, I'm on my way to court, but I don't have any clothes. I don't have any men's clothing. So he said he was trying to break into the RV so he could steal some bro clothes.

He didn't want to go to court dressed as a woman's. I guess that's a good reason. He was desperate. Yeah, it kind of changes things a little bit. Yeah, if you're going to have a reason. What did he say now? Yeah, he didn't want to go to court dressed as a lady. The police were absolutely shocked when they found a fat bag of meth rocks on Devon.

You're right. Devon is, he's all done now, Josh. He's all done. Yep. As he probably should be. Yeah, I appreciate the support. Your friendly neighborhood garbage man, Jesus says, instead of me saying I'm good at sex, efficient is a better word.

Yeah, you're right. I'll wrap it up quick and it always works for me. I used to deliver lube by the truckload Jesus said that my sex can't be that bad because I have one sex trophy meeting my now 14 year old. I wish I could take credit for that, but he was IVF, so it just means I'm good at jerking it. That's so sad that that's not even true.

Yeah, the proof is I at least one time in my life masturbated. Let's get you a tugger of the year trophy. Yeah, I can't say that I knocked my, my wife up. No, no, no, no. I just, I impregnated a cup. Just a big golden dong with like an eruption coming out of it. I would proudly display that. Right in the living room. With a hand on it. You have a hand around it. Gross. I love it. That is pretty disgusting. In what way? All right. What do we got here? Oh, sure. Meeting up with your probation officer. I've never had the pleasure. Some of you derelicts know all about that kind of a thing. I've never been in that

situation where I had to meet up with my probation officer. Here's one way to do it. A young kid up there in Canada. Yeah, he effed it all up. Peckerhead showed up to his probation appointment in a stolen pickup truck. And that's something that most probation officers will catch on to when you roll up onto the scene in a stolen vehicle. Sounds like the dude on probation he wasn't driving. He had one of his bro hammers driving him around, but it was a stolen pickup truck. So probation, Dinkus had his little meeting with his probation officer, and then he hops back into the passenger seat of that hot pickup. And away they went. The local cops were waiting on them. And the two of them were both placed under arrest. Next stop, county courthouse. There weren't any details on the pickup, like.

say who it belonged to or how it was stolen, but the cops know that the probation dude knew it was stolen because the truck needed to be started by shoving a screwdriver into the ignition. That's usually a dead giveaway, yep. My uncle had a car like that, and it really wasn't stolen. He had that. The same thing. And he had a wrench for the accelerator.

His car was a piece of crap, but he knows how to fix cars, except, and he's so cheap, he didn't want to buy any replacement parts. A wrench was on the floor of the vehicle. That was his accelerator pedal. That's a serious McGuire stuff. I don't think that's... He couldn't find anything... A guy that creative couldn't find anything better than a wrench?

He's just that stubborn. And he was like, why would I spend the money on it? I had this extra wrench. Well... What a dork. He's the cheapest guy I've ever met. Really, he was all based on he didn't want to spend money for real parts. Yeah, he had that sitting around.

so he just put a wrench on there and he had to start it with a screwdriver. I once got a ride home from the bar. I was hammered. I got a ride home from the bar from an old timer that I would drink with now and again. And yeah, he had the vice grips where that was his gear shift. Oh, is that right? A set of vice grips. And he, I could, from the way he carried himself in his appearance,

he was not the cleanest looking guy, not even by a long shot. He usually looked like he had just rolled out from under a horse and buggy. You know, he just was a filthy individual overall. I probably should have guessed that his motor vehicle was operated by a vice grip. A set of vice grips. He looked the part. Nice guy, though, gave me a ride home. That is pretty cool.

Oh, every once in a while, law enforcement is treated to one of these comedies. he shows. The numskulls who try to break into jail. Young guy again here, he was looking to break into a jailhouse down there in Oklahoma. Seems to me, from reading the story once, Josh, it seems to me, he was looking to break into jail so he could then break into the pants of his gorgeous girlfriend. Yeah, I mean... His girlfriend was. incarcerated in there and he wanted to go in and get some you've said before sometimes you just got to have some so the story goes like this here one of those jailhouse guard type of characters i know three people who have at least made their living temporarily as a uh as a jailer that's got to be

real tough i know we have corrections officials that text in from time to time and they'll share some stories and i think god you're brave well this was they weren't prison guards These were just cats who hung out and made sure everything was up and up at the local jailhouse. So I don't think it was as miserable as what you might be imagining. And from their stories, I think I can tell you that, you know, one of them was in such a small town that it was usually the same couple of drunks thrown in there every few days, right? And they got to know these people. the other two guys that I knew who were jailers, they were young at the time, very young.

So they really loved it. They loved all of the insane personalities that they had to deal with. One of my favorite stories was one dude who was behind bars was bitching about his jumpsuit. This thing's too small, right? It doesn't fit. It's not comfortable. and he wouldn't shut up about how his jailhouse jumpsuit was uncomfortable.

And, you know, of course, what would you be thinking if you were the jailer? Well, then don't go to jail, dumbass. Yeah, that's my problem. Yeah, I mean, whatever you did to get in here, if you would have avoided that, you wouldn't have to be worrying about the comfort of the clothes given to you by the county right now. This isn't an all-inclusive resort, bro. So, my pal who was a young guy when he got this gig, He said, well, okay, fine.

Your jumpsuit isn't comfortable. What if I went into the lost and found and got you something to wear? And the guy's like, well, yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Go show, yeah. Yeah, find me something better. You find me something. So my jailhouse buddy went back and got him like a pair of Bermuda shorts. Hell yeah.

Big old knee high, like mud boots, right? And like a frilly pink tank top and said, here you go. At that point You just got to pretend you like it right Pride Isn't going to lie to turn that down Oh thank you This is better

And I think he gave him a cowboy hat Or something All of it that he found In the lost and found He said here you go Put it on You're gonna bitch This is what you get to wear

Jacked up Jesus says He's a prison lieutenant If you ever need some good stories I'm your man Oh I bet Yeah I can't even imagine You gotta have some You gotta be pretty strong

mentally too to do something like that. I would need a fridge full of beer at home every day after work if I had that gig. Yeah. Or just in your vehicle? Yeah. One for the road. So again, here's this young kid who tried to break into his neighborhood jailhouse.

Like I was saying, one of the guards was pulling into work a few days ago. Pulling into the jailhouse parking lot. And he spotted some skinny-looking jag-off kid standing around with a shovel in his hand. And the guard says, you know, hey, skinny. what's you doing with that shovel in your hand? And you're going to like this. The kid with the shovel said this in response. He said, well, my girlfriend's in there.

I mean, I'm trying to plant a flower. Oh, my God. I kind of love him. All right, nothing to see here. Oh, all right, man. My guess is he answered honestly first and then realized, uh-oh, this guy works here. my girlfriend's in there

I'm no wait I I'm planting a flower The guy's like are you kidding me Flower Planting Day was yesterday You missed it I'm not buying that one Nobody misses flower planting day I met I buried her

She's dead in here That's what I meant I mean Coby you know this Some people are just clutch When it comes to thinking on their feet Right Right I mean sometimes it's incredible

The stuff people can come up with It's so impressive But you're right There's others that it's pretty bad. So Skinny with the shovel, he's in the same jailhouse as his likely enormous girlfriend. Not that they're anywhere near each other. I'm sure they're indifferent. If this means anything to you, Skinny had something in his pocket also that everyone found very suspicious. Skinny had what they call here a ferro rod in his pants. What kind of rod do you keep in your pants, Josh? Wimpy. Is it a wimpy rod?

Yeah, crooked. A fero rod, if it's a fero rod, if it's a fero rod, if, you're if you don't know, is some type of a fire starter kit. I've seen one once or twice. There's like some, what are the, kindling and like a, some type of a flint. You know what I'm saying? Yep. So I think Skinny was going to create a smoke screen inside the jail by lighting a fire

so nobody had to watch them pile drive his girlfriend. Yeah, they might appreciate that. Are conjugal visits still a thing? I don't know. I always thought that was just in the movies. Oh, so it was never a thing? I don't know. I just, for some reason, I convinced myself that that's not real life.

It's just something for a movie plot. How do I pay someone a conjugal visit? Do I get on a waiting list somewhere? I'll have to Google that. What was that website where you could check out hot singles who were in? Was it caged tea? Maybe that's just the term. I don't know.

I mean, you can just look up jail rosters, but you're right. There was somebody that would post like the hot convicts. Many years ago in the hot or not, era when we had all these websites in the early days of the internet where you just simply rated how hot someone was or how not hot you thought they were. There was this website dedicated to, and it wasn't like they were just grabbing up pictures of inmates. These were inmates who volunteered, like the, you know what I'm saying?

Inmates who willingly put their pictures up online so people could. check them out. I wish I could recall the name because that ate up a few hours around here back in the day. So it looks like conjugal visits are real in certain states. Well, that's great. I'm reading that it's not at the federal level. It's only at the state level. So if you really did something wrong, you're not banging. No sex. Someone tells me it was called mug shotties. Oh, was it? I don't know. I follow mug shoddies on Instagram. So it's a real, is it the same thing that we're just?

describing here? It's just like, they don't really post anymore, but every, like, maybe like once a year, they'll post just like some hot girl mugshot. Oh, yeah, that's not what I'm talking about, because again, this wasn't just, you know, two dorks who owned a website grabbing up pictures offline of attractive inmates. These were inmates who voluntarily put themselves out there, like, who wants to bang me once I get out of this joint. So it doesn't matter what it was called. It was fun to look at. You know what? I'll kill some time. Have you guys ever done the Friday photo fun match game on smoking gun.com. The Friday. One more time? It's the Friday photo fun match game.

No. So they have a bunch of mug shots and then they have a bunch of crimes and you have to see if you can match the mug shot to the crime. Count me in. That sounds awesome. It is fun. How have you done in the past when you've played the Friday Fun Time Showdown photo game? Not well. No? I thought, oh, I'm going to be pretty good at this. We read a lot of stories around here, but no, I've messed it up. I mean, you, There's some you can kind of tell, like especially if it's this person, the drunkest person in Washington County. And you'll see somebody who is obviously plastered. You know, that's easy enough.

But sometimes it's a lot more difficult than it looks. But, you know, I've played it with the family a few times. And the conversations around it are fun for people's reasonings. Well, look at the bloodshot eyes. Or this person looks like they're about this age or something. Right. That part's kind of fun. Yeah.

We've killed some time playing that before. I'd like to play that sometime. All right, jacked up Jesus who's got some stories, prison lieutenant. Conjugal visits not allowed in Minnesota. Well... Instead, what they do is they find a staff member to have sex with. Oh! That's so kind.

So that's it. I don't get on a list. I just get employed. And that's how I have the conjugal visits. I am good at sex. That is on record. Yes, we have that officially on record. All right, this one loses me right away. I don't believe in anything like this, so I'm just going to go ahead anyway, and we'll see what happens.

It says here, gals who are all up and ready to be married, brides to be, engaged women, however I should be saying that. Gals who are all up and ready to get married, they're paying witches to try and conjure up the perfect wedding day. For them? Did you hear what I said? Yeah. Unfortunately, I did, yes. Paying witches. I'm sorry your ears had to process that.

The soon-to-be brides, they dial up something called Etsy, where you can supposedly get a hold of a witch. First off, I guess you need to believe in witches, and then you dial up Etsy, and you pay a witch lady to, say, cast a good weather spell on your wedding day. rain is supposed to be good luck on your wedding day though and it says here this is a viral trend and it has exploded all across the wildly misinformed evil and soulless pages of social media

all the brides Josh are paying witches to cast a positive spell on their wedding day well we're very excited we have an upcoming wedding in the family and as a matter of fact we were just touring some sites for the reception I never brought up the witch thing. I'll have to see how that goes over in the family. Because we want, of course, this thing to go well. Run that by them if you can.

It seems reasonable, doesn't it? Weddings are already so expensive. This is insane. Let's just add a no. How much is it? I bet it's not cheap. How much is what? The witch thing.

$6.50. What? No way. That's what I'll tell you. Here's one gal's story and take this wherever you like it. I know where I'm taking. I know I'm putting it directly into the trash can, but you can take this however you like.

One gal said, the weather on the day of our wedding was due to be awful. But she called a witch and paid the witch to put a good weather spell on the wedding. And then she said we were all shocked to see the sun shining. And later in the day, yes, it dawned on me that it was the witch who brought the beautiful weather. It says here she paid a witch $6.50 to cast a good weather spell.

Come on, everybody. You know what, that's cheap. Why not? Screw it. But, you know, in the movies, that always comes back to haunt you, Ashley. Like, you get good weather, but then, you know, all of a sudden you get herpes.

Yeah, that's true. Something negative always happens afterwards. That's to balance out. Here's a listener who says his wife did pay $300. And damned if we didn't have the best possible wedding date the entire year. Weather was perfect. You're saying Cam, O. Runner, Jesus, your wife paid someone $300 to cast a spell on your... Hell, you could have got it done for $6.50.

I didn't pay anybody. And, I mean, besides, like, the later outcome, my first wedding was flawless. It was beautiful. Yeah, that was a beautiful day. I didn't think so. Although, was it a little warm? It was too high. And there were bees everywhere, and it was too dry.

The air was dry. The bride was plain, if I remember. Plain. I didn't want to be there, but that was just me. You were a gorgeous bride, and you know it. Thank you. All right. By the way, back to what?

What? What's happening? I don't know. That was Dana. Oh. A text got me, and then I backed away from my house. Well, why don't you share? I can. I'm sorry.

Why? I just don't think I could say it. Oh, man, I hate that. I'm sorry. I usually I have my mic off for that reason because these texts will get me. I wish we could say whatever we want. The text messages are funny and sometimes they're so funny you can't say them out loud. Yeah.

It'll get me. I try and hold it in, but you people are too funny. This is quite a compliment here. We've got to get going, but this is quite a compliment. We've been talking on and off this morning about slang terms, our favorite slang terms. They come and go quickly. Some of them have great staying. power we established earlier that the slang term with the greatest staying power in the history

of the spoken word is cool. It's been around for hundreds of years, Josh. Hasn't gone anywhere. We still use it. No one feels awkward using it out loud. No. I've never heard anybody rip someone for using cool like I have other slang. Right. This is quite the compliment. A listener texted in to say his new favorite slang term and he uses it quite often is Jay Cutler. Oh yeah, I love that one. That's a good one. Something we've established on this program.

If you don't care at all about something, you just say Jay Cutler. Because Jay Cutler didn't care. No. I mean, look at his face. Never did. The first time I ever saw him smile is when he retired from the NFL. He did not like football.

He hated football. We should make a Jay Cutler's state fair shirt. We could do that. Yeah, I wonder if we could. Yeah, we might have to ask him for the shen. I don't think he has his name trademarked. I don't know how it works. Now, of all the ex-quarterbacks in the history of the NFL,

if there's one that I don't want to F with, it's probably J-Col. Yeah, it seems like he'd show up and put cigarettes out on our faces. Seeing how he does not care, which he doesn't, he would have no problem, I think, picking on this tiny little radio station and suing us for every dime we might still have left because we used his image on a state fair t-shirt. I'm just saying, I'm just warning you. I have a feeling that could cause a problem.

But you should do it and take credit, Dana. Cool. What's his name? I'm not afraid of Jay Cutler. I am. I'm afraid of everybody. Kyle Orton? I bet there's no problem.

No problem with the legend killer, Kyle Orton. But Jay Cutler, I'd be a little wary around him. Sports. On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Here we go. I won't waste too much of your time. Twice this morning, Josh has claimed to be good at sex. And I believe you.

I believe you. I do. But then he took it back once as well, so I'm confused. Well, honesty came out, and then I decided I'm trying to, you know, cool up my image. That's his personality. And cool people say that they're good at sex. That's his personality. He never wants to do too much self-promoting.

He's not the type of guy to brag. And clearly, neither am I. But twice this morning, you've mentioned you were good at sex. We got someone who texted in who can vouch for that. Is that right? Someone texted in to say, I can vouch for Josh.

He is good at sex. He's so big it hurts. OMG, thank you. Thank you for that. I just want somebody just once. Wait, I saw that text. That's Josh's phone number. Shut up, Dana.

Now I've got to change my number. As far as jock sniffing goes, You know, the twins are back at it this afternoon. Oh, that'll be fun. See if they can sweep... Afternoon games? You like that? Yeah.

Randy always calls them a businessman special. Right. See if they can sweep that series against the Texas Rangers. 10,000 cops today will be on hand for the New York Knickerbockers NBA championship parade. 10,000 police officers. I mean, I know New York City is huge, but... I mean, like Minneapolis has 600 cops. And they got 10,000.

That's not even, that's like a third of the force still. They say it's the biggest amount of law enforcement officers in one place. Are they all from, like, that area? Are they, like, getting them from everywhere? I'll explain it. I really, that's a question I don't know if they're hauling them in from nearby communities, but there will be. Yeah.

It's all New York City cops. It's all New York City cops. Wow. They've got a force of like 30,000. That's really cool. I'm looking at some early videos and, pictures online and social media and they're going to need all 10,000 of them, I think. Oh, yeah, they're expecting over a million people.

It's crazy already and the parade's not for another five, six, seven hours. It's almost like a lawyer said, hey, free divorces. You know what I mean? Yeah. And the cops all come. It's a common trade of police officers. They get divorced. Yeah, it's very common.

Ashley, appreciate you being on the ball. It's almost like a lawyer yelled free divorces. Same with like firefighters. 10,000 of them. They're up there. Josh's news is coming up next. Air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good.

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Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bealchi-Eyalky. AlkiLaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey there. I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. If you don't control your money, it controls you. Yeah, you're not in control of your finances. You have to look outside of yourself to live the life that you want. You're not in control. You're like, like, what is it that you actually want?

Money should follow the dreams and goals because sometimes we make the dream and goal, the money, and you've overworked yourself, and you've exceeded what you've needed for the actual thing you want. Sometimes we forget, like, what's the actual thing you want? Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-ass morning show. Remember, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Go to police department.

We see enough, you know, things going on here and know that that is going on. Thank you, Cocoa Police. What most people think of target practice, when they think of that, they picture a shooting range. Not a neighborhood street full of children. But according to police, that's it. exactly the phrase a Florida woman used after swerving her vehicle toward a group of kids just trying to play outside. Investigators said 59-year-old Pamela Dresser drove toward the children, prompting their mom to confront her. The mother told police dresser referred to the incident as target practice.

A comment she later did admit to making before insisting it was just a joke. As it turns out, the classic just-joking defense somehow failed to make her situation better, and neither did what happened next. When the mother yelled at dresser after seeing her swerve toward the kids, she responded with the middle finger and a racial slur, telling the mother, quote, yes, I did try and run your effing children over. Of course, none of which doing much to support her argument that she was the reasonable one in the dispute. To know that, you know, a woman is stopping and seeing those type of things, especially to children, that is definitely a concern that needs to be addressed. Police say dresser wasn't fined.

finished making friends that day. According to investigators, she also threatened the officers who responded to the scene. As the cops were walking away, she said she was going to deliver a, quote, special present to them. Oh, great. Before clarifying in case you weren't sure, that's a threat. That is a threat. Yes. If you weren't sure, I'm threatening you.

What a dummy. The Coco Police Department, they were not intimidated. They arrested dresser and charged her with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, child abuse with great bodily harm, without, excuse me, great bodily harm, luckily, and threatening a public official. I know a guy once who was cut off by a teenage driver and decided to chase that teenage kid all over town, right? Couldn't let it go. He got cut off, so he's going to chase this kid. The teenage kid was terrified. He's rounding corners at, you know, 60 miles an hour, trying to get away from this dude that I know. And finally, they both pulled into a parking lot, and they started hollering back in four.

at each other. Cops show up. And the cop pulled the teenage kid aside first, got his story, and then came over to my buddy and said, you know, you can't say some of the things you were saying to people. You can't threaten people like that. And my buddy said, well, what are you talking about? And he said, well, the teenage kid said that you told him you were going to kill him. And my buddy said, no, no, no, I didn't say I would kill him. I said I could kill him. He thought that made a difference. You know, a friend of mine was telling me, it sounds a little weird,

or maybe it sounds weird, but he's got a anger problem, and he's working on it, like road rage specifically. Like, he goes nuts. He's working on it. He is working on it. And so he's going to therapy for it,

and the therapist recommended he wear, like, a rubber band around his wrist, and kind of, and pull it if he's real mad to kind of snap him back into reality, right? Right. And he said it's been working.

He said it's not 100% effective yet, but it just kind of reminds him like, oh, hey, I got to chill out here. I have a tendency to run real hot over nothing. So it's been working. Yeah, it has. Yeah, he said it's... Until one day when the feeling of a rubber band snapping on his wrist sends him into a fury. Right. Maybe it'll backfire. Well, I'm glad to hear that it seems like things are improving.

Yeah, it definitely... Do you have any notorious stories about his anger issues? Well, I don't know how many I should tell. Did he ever knock you out? No, nothing like that. It's more behind the wheel, really. That's where his major issue is. You know, he does what they recommend where he takes his rage mostly

and just pushes it down until it comes out on the freeway or something like that's what I was taught. That's healthy. Keep it down. Keep it all inside until one day you just blow like a effing volcano. That's what I was taught to do. That's a healthy way to do it. A Florida man apparently had enough of the sound of kids working on a go-card in this neighborhood. So he grabbed a meat cleaver and a kitchen knife.

and launched a rather pointed protest against go-kart acoustics. The victims told deputies they were revving the engine of a go-kart while fixing it inside a garage shortly after 8 p.m. last Monday. Who do these kids think they are? When 60-year-old Richard Carter, who lives across the street, stormed over and began cussing him out. According to the victims, Carter threw a lawn chair across the driveway. Oh, God.

And told one of the teens who was visiting a friend, get the F out of my neighborhood. The boys tried to calm him down. but the peace talks were over before they started. Instead, the neighborhood noise disputes get right past diplomacy and went straight to the kitchen drawer. Carter went inside his home and returned armed with a meat cleaver and a large kitchen knife. Okay, I'm out of there. I don't know about you.

Deputy said Carter advanced toward one of the teens while holding the cleaver and threatened to bash his head in. He again ordered the teen to leave his neighborhood. At that point, one of the kids reportedly dropped to his knees and begged Carter not to hurt them, while the other terrified teen threw his hands up, jumped on his four-wheeler, and fled to his home just outside the subdivision. By the way, these kids have all the cool toys. A go-kart and a four-year.

That's sweet. Body camera footage captured Carter admitting he threatened the boys with the knives. He explained there was simply the first things he grabbed because he was mad. He got mad. Moments later, he admitted the knives weren't his only idea. He also thought about grabbing a wrench. Despite the explanation, Carter appeared completely unaware. he may have mishandled the situation,

or that threatening teenagers with cutlery might not have been the ideal way to handle a noise complaint. I didn't do anything, Carter told police. A deputy disagreed. I didn't do anything. Richard, you just said that you went and picked up the first thing you could get out of your anger

when you confronted them, and it was a knife, Richard. I've had that conversation at home when I'm like trying to figure out, how did you get that in your mind? I love him. How did that seem okay to you? Didn't do anything. Police noted there was a,

far simpler way to handle that situation. Carter could have just called the sheriff's office and filed a noise complaint. And according to authorities, it wasn't Carter's first documented disagreement with keeping his cool. Well, that's shocking. Yeah, right. This wasn't a one-off. He has a history of being a Hall of Fame hothead five years earlier.

He was charged after pulling a gun on a driver. He's got to get one of those rubber bands, man. Did he shoot the driver? No, he just pulled the gun. Well, then he didn't do anything. Yeah, it's a good point. Right. Yeah, if I shot him, I did something.

I just showed him I had one. I thought maybe he'd think it was cool. A 20-year-old Minnesota man sitting behind bars after opening fire on a house party, allegedly. Oh. They only had one simple request for him, leave. Just before midnight Monday, Duluth police were dispatched after a 911 caller reported a shooting. When officers arrived, they learned a party at the residence had spiraled out of control, prompting several guests to be shown the door.

Most took the hint and moved on. The dude in our story, however, allegedly did not. Instead of taking the hint, he decided to take aim. He went from taking shots to firing them. He traded guzzling shooters to becoming one. What I'm trying to say is he didn't take getting kicked out of the party very well and expressed that frustration one subsonic round at a time. Witnesses say as he was leaving, they saw him fire a gun multiple times into the front of the home

and he hit a 20-year-old woman inside in the arm. Jesus. I know. She was just trying to party. Yeah. She was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. The suspect didn't go far. Deputies with the Carlton County Sheriff's Office tracked him down and arrested him,

and they did find a gun inside his vehicle. Well, what in God's name? Yeah, he wanted to party, man, and he wanted to be at that party. Family bonding comes in many forms. For two women in Michigan, their sisterly bond involved a wrong chicken order, a chase through a restaurant, and a trip to jail, where one of them gave birth. A pregnant woman and her sister went nuts at a restaurant in Detroit after receiving the wrong order, stabbing an employee and chucking hot grease at her head.

My God. I guess if nothing else, you have to admire the teamwork. They did stick together on this. And they're sisters. They're sisters. That's cute. That's cool. They're like, hey, let's throw hot oil.

That seems like a good idea. After receiving the wrong food order and the drive-thru, 29-year-old Brianna Long and her 26-year-old sister, Kiriana, went inside the store and began arguing with a 23-year-old employee. They ran behind the counter and began chasing the worker through the store and throwing items such as pots and pans at her. One of the sisters also picked up a pot of hot grease and threw that too. The employee reportedly defended herself by throwing a knife toward the sisters. Kiriana picked up the knife and carried on an attack. Stabbing the employee in the stomach, the employee.

The employee ran to a car and hid while she called police. Paramedics rushed her to a hospital where she underwent emergency surgery. The sisters reportedly fled the scene, but cops later arrested them and took them to jail. Defense attorneys for the sisters claimed it was the employee who was the aggressor, and she told the sisters she didn't give an F about the wrong food order. I'm not sure were the excuses yet here. The employee threw the items that the sisters first, the attorney said. Brianna was nine months pregnant and gave birth days after her arrest.

Lucky kid. Yeah, she's a little stressed out. That can get things moving. The hot grease allegation is especially horrifying, giving another recent fast food attack making the news. In California, a 20-year-old McDonald's employee suffered severe third-degree burns after a coworker threw scorching hot cooking oil on him, leaving him hospitalized and requiring multiple surgeries.

Yeah, that stuff hurts. Oh, I can't even imagine how bad that was. It scars. That poor kid, man, right in the face, too. Minnesota actor and comedian Nick Swartson tried to tough out some serious abdominal pain, but his appendix had other plans. What he initially brushed off as painful bloating turned out to be something far more serious. He shared a video from a hospital bed yesterday morning urging fans not to shrug off sharp stomach pains.

Hey, if you have a sharp pain in your abdomen, don't assume it's a super fart, or like I did, food poisoning. it can actually be your appendix, which is what I'm going into surgery for right now. It happened in the middle of filming, which I'll explain what I'm filming later. But yeah, so get that checked out. Don't wait on a sharp abdomen pain. And then shortly after I'm getting David Spade removed from my phone.

You know, Nick and I both had gastritis, I think it's called, had to go to the emergency room because they said your appendix is bursting, you got to get in there. It was very embarrassing. Gastritis was very painful. It sounds silly, but I imagine that's probably minor league compared to what Mr. Swartzson went. I'm sure. Yeah.

My cousin had to have her appendix removed. And the pain she was in was unbearable. So is gastritis? Does she need to fart really bad? It's different than that. Sort of. It's kind of, but I mean, it really is super sharp pains. And it was like by day three, I hadn't slapped.

It was miserable. So we called the doctor and they're like, you got to get in. your appendix burst or is about to, and no, it was just bad, bad gas, I guess. Swartson revealed he needed emergency surgery to have his appendix removed and says he's fortunate doctors caught the problem before it burst. He added that he's been working on a movie before landing in the hospital. While he's eager to update fans on the project, that news will have to wait until he's recovered and his medical issues are behind him.

Yeah, glad he's okay. I'm kidding. Yeah. That dude's way too funny to be friends with Adam Sandler. Dude, he cracks me up. I love him. Me too. I don't know how many years ago.

Saw him in his very, very early days of stand-up here in town. And I was totally blown away. He's awesome. He's awesome. If your weekend plans involve air conditioning, popcorn, and avoiding responsibility for a couple of hours, here's a couple new movies and streaming releases you may be interested in. Best-selling thriller author Harlan Coben has a new adaptation arriving on Netflix, Today, I will find you based on his 2023 novel of the same name.

The eight-episode series stars Sam Worthington as an innocent father, serving life for his son's murder, but then receives evidence the child may still be alive. As for the big screen, today's our Friday, so we're getting a little head start on the releases. And we start with Toy Story 5, bringing Woody, Buzz, Jesse, and the rest of the beloved toys back for another adventure. This time, their role in children's lives is put to the 10. when they face a new rival for playtime electronic devices. Trading. You guys are all fans, right?

I'm going to go see it today. I like Toy Story. I watched a little bit of the first one yesterday. It was nice. Am I the only one who's seen the parody, adult toy story? I don't want to watch that, no, thank you. That would ruin me. Yeah, the Jetsons were ruined for me when somebody sent me.

Absolutely terrible. I'll save the stories that I have about the adult, the porno parody called The Adult Toy Story. trading toy chest for tights. The Death of Robin Hood, starring Hugh Jackman and Bill Scarscar, takes Ames at theaters this weekend. I'll just tell you this much. The character, Cowboy Woody, very different in the adult. Oh, I bet Buzz's light year is a little bit different.

Take a wild guess what he specializes in. I can imagine. The Death of Robin Hood, a darker tale on the legendary outlaw. After a lifetime of crime and violence, Robin Hood is left seriously wounded following what he believed would be final battle. While recovering under the care of a mysterious woman, he's giving an unexpected opportunity for redemption. On the streaming side, season two of sugar sweetens up the lineup on Apple TV tomorrow with another helping. And Sunday, if dragons are more your thing than detectives,

archers, or talking toys, HBO and HBO Max are bringing viewers back to Westeros with the season three premiere of House of the Dragon. East Winstead Jesus texting a shout out to all the windstock goers tomorrow and Saturday and the participants of the Father's Day tractor pole. However, he requests they please stay off his lawn. He doesn't want none of that. Electrician, go ahead. Winstock, huh?

I haven't been to Winstock. I heard it's a blast. Made a couple trips out there. And when is Father's Day? What? Sunday? Yep. So 21st. One of those days where some of us hope the phone doesn't ring. I told what do you mean?

Kind of scary, I guess. When did this happen? Electrician Jesus wants to shout out to all the kids shooting at the state clay target meet this weekend. Happy birthday to tattoo artist Jesus turned 28. Happy 50th to big bro Joe and another 50th, a big fat happy birthday to Brian from his amazing Jesse Poo. And that's 93X News. 93X is Brad Ryder. On the half-assed morning show.

Yeah, we'll be the first to tell you. It's our ultimate F-off day. We will be wrapping things up at 9. Getting the hell out of here and not coming back until Monday. Randy Shaver had his ultimate F-off day yesterday. So he's out of town. He'll be back with us on Monday. Stepping up for the greater good is Brad Ryder.

Hello, Brad. Good morning. Thank you for being there for the greater good. The greater good. Yeah, of course, always. Father's Day weekend? I got some breaking news for you. What's that?

Let me guess it has something to do with. the U.S. Open. Yeah, sorry. Go ahead. I didn't really disguise that very well. What is? They suspended play because of the fog. Oh, no.

It's too bad in New York. I kind of hope it turns out like the movie The Fog, where everyone is killed. Oh, is it the, you mean the mist? No, the Fog. I haven't heard of the Fog. Oh, late 70s. And of course, I'm kidding. I don't want anyone killed at the golf tournament.

But, no, late 70s, there was a movie called The Fog, Josh, where the fog rolled in. What's your name again on the telephone? phone with us? That's Brad. Did you watch the late 70s movie The Fog? If I did, I don't remember it. If I remember, Josh, it was a coastal, maybe the upper northeast part of our country, the coast, right? And the fog would roll in, and I believe waiting for mere mortals,

waiting for regular people in the fog, were flesh-eating cannibals. That sounds pretty good. So I'm looking it up. It was California. California. 1980 and John Carpenter movie, Jamie Lee Curtis is in it. Wow, well, we will. Yeah, no kidding. Yeah, I forgot. Jimmy Lee Curtis in 1980.

Yeah. It doesn't get much hotter than that. I didn't remember her being in the movie. But yeah, the fog rolls in and the zombies gobble everybody up. I think they were like the ghosts of dead fishermen or something like that. Yeah, mutilated. Yeah, that's exactly right. So they can't play golf right now because of the fog.

Right. You can't see where the ball's going. Can't see. Yeah. problem. You can't see where you're hitting it. You can't see where it ends up. Looks like they remade the fog. Yes, they did. And it is not reviewed very well. But the 1988 one is. I love the movie The Fog. I did try the remake, Josh. I got about 10 minutes in and I gave up. Oh, that bad. Sucked. Sounds good. But now you brought up the mist.

Brad Ryder, do you know that movie? The Mist. No, not familiar with that one either. Starring, what's his name? The Guy who was the Punisher? Thomas Jane. Thomas Jane. Awesome Punisher, by the way. The Mist is very scary. I believe inside the Mist, there were aliens, giant aliens. And it has one of the most dark, awful, and depressing endings you'll ever see in a movie,

which makes it one of my favorites. I love a dark, terrible ending, and The Mist has that for you. Rickshaw Jesus said The Mist, 100% the worst, most scarring movie I've ever seen. Just five minutes more, man. That's all you had to wait. Oh, it was such a perfect ending. I'm not telling you guys anything you don't know already, too, but there haven't been really any decent, in my estimation,

any really, really good movies made in the last several years. Well, I'm not the guy to ask. I'm sure I could fill in some blanks there for you, but nothing directly comes to mind. Stuff that's come out in theaters, I mean. Come out in theaters in the last seven to ten years? I just can't think of what was released when, so I can't really jump in on this right away.

Josh, look up maybe the top grossing movies of the last... I'm sure it's all like a pandemic, I think. The last seven years or so. Okay, maybe we can help you out. Maybe Josh can throw... Well, the only one I've seen in theaters, like in... I've only seen a couple. The most recent top gun I saw in theaters.

What about the most recent top guns? Did you like that one? Yeah. Okay. How many movies have you seen in the theater out of curiosity? In the last, since the pandemic, probably, my wife and I go to movies once a while, maybe a dozen, but I just, nothing's really been that great. I don't know. Well, maybe you just get old.

Yeah, maybe. You know what, when you get old, nothing's fun anymore. I can relate to that. Nothing's good enough for you anymore when you get old. Yeah, everything, yeah, I'm definitely in that regard where it's like, oh, you know, the 80s were the best. or the early 90s, and I'm sure every generation thinks the same. Well, the 80s were the best. I mean, it seems like it should be a fact for everybody.

It is a fact. It absolutely is a fact. But what's your name, Brad Rider? That's twice I've forgotten. I've sat back and realized, oh, my God, I just don't like this because I'm old. Somebody says obsession. I've heard a couple of people say that's great. And that just came out last week or a couple weeks.

I've heard of it. I've heard of that movie. I just haven't seen it. So maybe I'll have to check that out. See, here I am on a website with the top 10 highest grossing movies of the last 10 years. And, you know, a lot of it is cartoon stuff. I don't get into the superhero stuff like The Avengers and Batman and who are the other superheroes, Josh? Yeah, you name it. Like Spider-Man's, big franchise.

It's all that stuff. So looking up the highest-grossing movies doesn't really help us find you. something that you would like, because it's all iron. Really the only thing that comes close for me is biopics once in a while. They'll be okay. Sure. When I say biopics, you know what I mean? Like the Elton John movie and the, yeah, stuff like that.

Sure. What about that Queen movie? That was excellent. Bohemian Rhapson. Yeah, that was okay. Sure. I loved that movie. Yeah. See, it ain't all bad, Brad Rider. And there's such a great cameo in there. You're just forgetting. Oh, the cameo in Bohemian Rhapsody made by?

Mike Myers. That's right. And if I took me a while to real. who that was. If you know that's him, it makes it so much better. Speaking of movies, not being... It felt like there's a really good new movie coming out every week or every other week, you know, back, again, back in the day.

Yeah, I can't help you. I wish I could have a better... I just... Trying to search these kinds of things is difficult, because I just keep getting the same answers. The Avengers and Iron Man and Spider-Man and all that crap. And a lot of them are, you know, just remakes. stuff. Where was this? Oh, Disclosure Day.

Steelers fan, Jesus, excuse me, says Disclosure Day. Yeah, I want to see that one. That one looks cool. And I want to see the new Robin Hood movie that just came out. I hear you. I hear you. Did you see adult toy story in theaters, Nick? Oh, dude. Was that straight to video? You know, Toy Story is a thing, Brad Rider. You ever get involved in that? There's a new toy story movie coming out. Even when your kids were little? No. I never, I also never gave a rat's

about Toy Story, but have you seen the porno parody, which is simply called adult toy story? Can't say that I have seen that, no. Get back to me when you have. I was sucks. Jesus said Project Hail Mary was good. This is going to sound douchey, but I read the book and I thought it was

great. But I do want to see the movie. Yeah, it's tough, Bradrider. So many. There's so much out there. I'm trying to think of the last new movie that I saw that I really, really enjoyed. It shouldn't be that difficult a question to answer, but I can't come up with a damn thing. A couple weeks ago, my wife, and I saw that Michael Jackson movie.

And again, I mean, was it, was it okay? Yeah, it was okay, but it wasn't, like, great. I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. Yeah, our boss saw it, and you said it was same thing. It was okay. It's called Mike, right? Michael? Michael.

Yeah, Brad, it's just, it ain't the 80s. The 80s were the best. Oh, yeah, pickle Jesus. Thanks. I should have mentioned this. Austin Powers 4 is coming. Mike Myers just said he's bringing a... Okay, I might take a shot on that one.

I'd see that in theaters. Yeah. That'd be fun. You'd seen that with a crowd. All right. Yeah, and I agree with you, Robert. Movies aren't as good because the insane amount of TV shows they make nowadays. You're right.

And big stars... Right. It was, you know, being on a TV show back in the day. I mean, when we were growing up, Nick, that's like, all their career's over. If they're on a TV show, and now that's not the case. Oh, man. Yeah, I want to give you a great answer.

I do. I'm working my ass off over here on these websites, trying to find something. We'll get there. But did we get that right, though? Father's Day weekend? Yeah. It is. Brad Ryder, any high hopes that your family is going to blow the doors off the joint and throw you a party?

No. No, not really at all. Don't most dads just want to be left alone on Father's Day? Or any day. Yeah. Mom's also. No, my life's opposite. I do think the way it's shaping up that.

All of us, when I say all of us, my kids included in that. I mean, when your kids get to be in your early 20s, as Josh knows, when they're around, that's kind of a bigger deal. I think both of them are going to be at the cabin with us this weekend, so that'll be kind of fun. Josh and I were having an off-air conversation about dads and whatnot, and Josh came to the conclusion that you, Brad Ryder, as a dad, Josh assumes you're probably kind of a hard on. Is that true? I'd never said that.

No, not really. Jeez. You didn't let his kids watch Toy Story. But not, no. I didn't make them not watch Toy Story. Kidding, Brad, I'm kidding. You're not too strict of a dad, are you? No.

I mean, maybe I was when they were younger, but now I'm not. Zelda Master Jesus said Disclosure Day was pretty good, and he's he's hella excited for The Odyssey. Yeah, I want to see that as well. So here's the problem. I'm on a website right now looking through the top 25, the best reviewed movies, the most positively reviewed movies

of the year 20 and 25. And here I am, I'm up to number nine, and I still haven't heard of any of them. Give the list. It's just like when they give out the awards, right? Yeah, it seems like the movies that are critically acclaimed usually aren't the best. Like on Rotten Tomatoes,

I always look at the popcorn meter over the tomato meter because popcorn is just like regular folks like the rest. of us. That's how I base on a movie if it's going to be good or not. Okay, I finally found one that I've heard of. It's the number one ranked movie on this website. The best reviewed movie

of the year 20 and 25. At least I've heard of it. Never saw it. Brad, it's called One Battle After Another. Oh, that one's a great movie. Dana says it's a great movie, Brad. Try that one. Try that one. Try that one. One battle after another. Here's the thing

I've got to warn you. You're going to see a battle and you're going to think, oh, all right, well, that's settled. There's going to be another battle. Are you serious? Yeah. And then you think, all right, two battles. There can't be three. There's going to be a third battle.

I'm sensing a pan. Maybe that's why it's called one battle after another. I bet that's right. Yeah. Casino Zookeeper Jesus said the long walk was such a gut punch and absolutely fantastic. Oh, yeah. I want to see that. That was a tough watch.

Oh, is it? You know, the older I get, the wimpier I'm getting with that kind of thing. It was good. Especially when it involves kids. Yeah, it'll stick with you. That I do want to see. that though it looks good just watch the ending of the mist that's i really liked that movie i love thomas jane too i think he's great you know we were talking about earlier bradrider

10 000 cops will be on the scene this morning at the new york knickerbockers NBA championship parade the largest number of it doesn't feel like enough it might not be you know right because they're expecting over a million people i said this earlier judging from the social media of videos and photos I've seen, there might need 10,000 more. Yes. So, yeah, it might not be enough, but they're calling it the largest number of police officers ever assigned to a planned event. I guess in the history now of New York City.

Here's what they've got piled up, Josh, ready to roll. Heavy weapons teams. Of course, you got your regular cops with their night sticks, just kind of shooing people around, but also heavy weapons teams, explosive detection canines. Have you ever seen those run around the Mall of America? No. It's pretty cool. How can I tell by the, when I'm looking at the dog, if it's an explosion, how do I say that?

An explosion detecting? Yeah, how do I tell by looking at it? The bomb detecting dogs? Yeah. Like, you'll see them, they just go up to like garbage cans in different areas where somebody might put a bomb and sniff it out. You'll see him at the airport once in well. Oh, yeah.

So you're sure the dogs just not sniffing the other dogs piss? I mean, how many dogs are running around there? I mean, I like to go with my dogs. Me and my dogs hang out at the mall. They're going to have something called Aviation Police. Yeah, I bet there's going to be some drones running around up there. Drones. And, of course, the Knicks will be rolling down what they call the Canyon of Heroes.

They gave this stretcher road, that nickname. I think that it gained the nickname back when the Yankees were winning a World Series every year in the 50s and 60s. They call it the Canyon of Heroes. Aside from the regular players from this year's roster, they say that Walt Clyde Frazier, who won a championship or two with the Knicks in the 70s, will also be riding in the parade. And so will Patrick Ewing. which is nice, I think, to have those to use a overused term, those legends

in the mix. And Alicia Keys is going to play some songs for the crowd, Josh. She's a talented artist. You can understand why they have all the security in cops, so that would be what they would consider a soft target if people were going to cause chaos. So that's why it doesn't seem like 10,000 might even be enough. Yeah, a lot of folks there.

Colby Cheeses, Jesus, Jesus enjoyed the movie F1. I liked that movie too. Oh, that was a good movie. Yeah. That was excellent. I missed it. They're making a sequel. Are they?

F2? I'd imagine you're not going to call it F2. Oh. Never saw it. FU, maybe? Ah. All right, also, Nick's fans have been paying hundreds of dollars to any sucker who's willing.

They've been paying hundreds of dollars to people. to save them a spot at the championship parade so they can see what the hell is going on. Yeah, I was just thinking about that. I wonder how many people have been sleeping outside on the street. I mean, insert your own joke, but it's sleeping outside on the street, it's saving a spot since they won the championship. I bet you plenty. Not like the bobblehead stuff.

Yeah, I bet you plenty of them have been in sleeping bags there on the parade route. So, yeah, I mean, hundreds of dollars. I'm imagining you better trust that person if you're going to give them 500 bucks and say, hey, stay here until the parade starts and then I'll come by and will. Someone ponied up $800, Josh, to anyone willing to show up at midnight last night

and hang around until 8 o'clock in the morning so they can have a good spot for the parade. Would you do that for me? For 800, I do it. For you, I'd just do it as a friendly favor. but 800 bucks that's pretty good I mean shoot there's people to camp out for a week to get a cheap Nintendo or something

Yeah when a video game consoles come out It would depend upon what part of New York You're going to ask me to hang out all night long Well yeah this isn't going to go through the tougher neighborhoods Brad Rider they're bringing her right down Main Street You know what I'm saying Yeah I've heard that happening here too

Like various events People holding it I mean shoot Here we go again with shoot We had a sales guy here that paid an intern to wait in line for him to have an opportunity to buy a condo. Right. They had a first come, first serve type situation at this condo apartment setup, right? And he gave him a couple hundred bucks just to hold his place in line so he could go sign a contract for a condo.

It's a long time to be sitting on the sidewalk. I can understand why you might, if you got a few extra bucks. Hey, kid, sit here till tomorrow morning. I'll give you 500 bucks. $500 a lot of money to most kids, even today. The problem for me is I've got a 51-year-old prostate now, and I'd have to get up and pee a couple times for sure. Well, you'd bring yourself an empty leader of Mountain Dew.

Yeah, I suppose in California they're not going to know. Or, excuse me, New York, they're not going to notice it. They piss right on the sidewalk. You don't know what's fitting in. Ah, look at that in New Yorker. That's one way to hold your spot. They're not going to mind if you take a whiz into a... That's what dogs do. Yeah.

They don't care if you whiz into a pop bottle, Josh. Some listeners are encouraging Brad to watch two girls one cup. but he's looking for something recent. You ever seen that one, Brad? No. Are you familiar? What is it called? Two girls one cup.

You haven't heard of that? Google is, Brad. It's kind of infamous. That one's got to be a good 20 years old. The girls who performed in two girls one cup, Josh, they're in their 50s now. So I thought it was like a mother-daughter duo. That's what I heard. Oh, my God.

I've never seen it. I have no interest in watching it. I watched the reaction videos just focusing on the people watch. that was enough for me. I thought this probably isn't something I'm going to enjoy. Here we are 20 years later and two girls one cup is still a punchline. It's been a punchline forever. Still a... I got to look up when they came out.

Back to basketball now. The Lynx beat the Los Angeles Sparks last night and Olivia Miles is terrific rookie. A comfortable transition here, isn't it, Josh? From two girls one cup to women's basketball. One girl or five girls, one hoop. Basketball. Olivia Miles set an NBA WNBA rookie record 24 points in the first half. She's cool, man.

She does. She looks cool. Very, very good. Yeah, I agree. And she looks cool. She does look cool. People text us that a lot. I totally agree.

I love her look. She just seems really cool. I know it's not right, but sometimes an athlete can be held in even higher regard for me when they look cool. Yeah. Like Byron Buxton is a great player, but you know what makes them even greater? Some bitch is cool. Super cool. Super cool. We're lucky to have them.

So she finished with 31 points. She scored 24 in the first half, and that's a WNBA rookie record. She was 12 for 15 from the field. All right. The soccer tournament, right? Yeah. Oh, and speaking to New York City. Speaking to New York City. I saw this on television the other day. There's a couple of jabrones who are getting paid $50,000 each to watch all 104 World Cup soccer games. in the middle of Times Square. They've set them up in like this glass cube so any low life can peer in on what they're doing at any time. But they're getting 50 grand each.

That's awesome. Yeah, that's so cool. Some have referred to it as a Truman show style. Have you seen the movie? The Truman Show, Bradra. What's a great movie. Yeah, I have. It's a lot of fun.

I loved that movie. So Fox Sports, I think, is who went ahead and selected these two soccer fans. One of them goes by the name of Austin and the other is Kevin. There were thousands of applicants to be named the official World Cup viewers. They got to sit there for six weeks. I'd do that for 50 grand.

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I'm watching the games on my coach anyway. Might as well get paid for it. Although New York... No, one thing I noticed... Oh, go ahead. I was going to say, one thing in New York, though, in a glass thing,

you know guys were walking by pulling their dongs out and mooning them. Yeah. There's probably some. One of the perks of the job. Yeah. There's probably some. Yesterday I was just kind of flipping through, and I was watching the, I don't know,

there was nothing else really on. And I was watching like the pre-match or pre-game show or whatever. I didn't realize this. Nick, your guy, James Winston, is on their coverage. Oh, yeah. He's having the time of his life out there. He's so fun. Yeah, he's good.

He's awesome. Mm-hmm. We mentioned that a couple days ago, Bradrider, how, how Josh and I, you know, we love James Winston. Now, I haven't spotted them yet, but I haven't been paying very close attention, of course, to the soccer tournament. But we think that's great. He's got a great personality. He's a likable guy. For one reason or another, he wants to be there, so get her done.

I don't even like soccer at all on television. I think he's going to have a nice career in TV. Oh, absolutely. I hope so. I can barely stand watching soccer. But if somehow I could get six weeks off of work and just sit on a couch and watch that current, app. Yeah, I'll take $50,000 in trade for that. I had a friend who did something similar.

I don't know if you guys remember this or caught wind of it, but it was called the MLB fan cave. And it was in Times Square and they picked a representative from each team to watch every single game of the entire regular season baseball. Twins fan? Yeah, Twins fan. So my friend won, it was a big deal and she got there and she very quickly realized the amount of time that takes. That's like 13 hours of baseball every day. They had to sit there from the start of the first game on the East Coast until the last game on the West Coast ended.

So you're watching baseball. Just one day? No, the entire season. Oh, my God. Yes. I remember this. And she was paid? I can't remember if they got paid or what the deal was.

They must have. I mean, that's like... Yeah, I think it was a stipend. She got like, they got like a weekly stipend. There's another word for that or series of words for that, Dana. That's being, that's called being held against your will. She's being... That's being...

Oh, kidnapping. Kidnapping, taken captive. She told me one night there was a game. It was long rain delay. I think she said it was like the Rockies and the Padres. Long rain delay didn't get over until like 4.30 in the morning. And they had to sit there until it was over. So you don't remember what she got in return for an entire summer?

I didn't ask her. I don't know. It must have been enough to not work. I like baseball, but come on. That's too much baseball. I would go insane. Yeah. Anything.

you're isolated and you're forced to only focus on one thing for months. Well, it was a big room where they watched it, so they had a friend of each team they're watching. So you're with a group of people, but still. Doesn't matter. Yeah, that's too much ball. Yeah, how long before you get sick of those people? Yeah, that's the other thing, too. Yeah, you're not going to like most of those people.

You know, the Yankees fan is a dick. That's frigging prison. That's more or less prison. I would end up in an asylum. So anyway, these World Cup watchers getting paid 50 grand, they've got to sit there for six weeks and watch this tournament. They've got to watch every game. One of them quit his job as a waiter as soon as he was selected for this gig.

Young guy, right? This isn't going to happen for 40-year-olds. You can't just up and walk away. But if you're a young guy, sure. When you were 20 years old, Josh, you could have walked away from your day job? Oh, easily, yeah. Shoot, even older than that, unfortunately. Another one of these guys...

He's making waiting tables, sure, I would think. Another one of these guys is a... He's an influencer. You knew they were going to pick with at least one influencer. I'm sure that's why they want to do it, right? So it's not only that they've got to watch the games, they've got to create social media content, they got to record their reactions,

they've got to engage with fans. I don't know if this sounds so good anymore, even with the pay stop there of 50 grand. It's kind of like, you know, in school where the teacher says, we're going to show you a movie and you get pumped. And then she says, yeah, and you got to write like a paper on it afterwards. Yeah. It just loses its luster there.

But you're right, Dana. I bet there's some mutual masturbation going on inside that cube. Yeah, you got to. Your friendly neighborhood garbage man, Jesus, just texted in, how long until one of the masturbates. Hey, I'm cool with it if you are. Maybe back to back. Yeah, that's the way you've got to do it.

That is not weird. Speaking of masturbation, it is fitting that you're joining us solo today. What's your name again, Brad Ryder? June is natural, national is the word. With your background, this is fitting. June is National Sex Ed Month. You didn't need to tell him that, you know. Didn't realize there was such a thing, but okay.

Oh, there's days and months for everything. True. Sure. Isn't May masturbation month Or abstain from masturbation? It's just disgusting. Every month can be masturbation month if you're willing. That is a good point.

With your sex education background, Brad Ryder, I thought you should know that June is National Sex Ed Month. I failed sex ed. It was miserable. The twins are going for the series sweep today in Arlington, Texas. Twins and Texas Rangers are scheduled to play at 1.30. afternoon. That'd be nice to see a sweep.

Yeah, they won, what, five in a row now? Is that five in a row? Nothing really? F me running. Three in a row, sorry. They won the last game of that series. They took two out of three, but they dropped that middle one last weekend. Now, I don't know if this is a concern of anybody,

but Major League Baseball is changing the rules again to the home run derby. People did seem pretty pumped about this. Are they pumped? Yeah. I like watching the home run derby. I can't watch the whole thing smooth from start to finish. I'll flip around. But okay, fine.

I'm like any other jock sniffing animal. I don't mind seeing a baseball launched 438 feet. I enjoy the home run derby for the most part. But I don't really care what the hell rules they have gone. or anything like that. What they're doing is they're ditching the clock that they've been using for the last 10 years or so, where the batter only has so much time to hit home runs. Now they're going to be using some type of a swing system where each hitter gets 20 swings in the first round,

15 swings in each of the following rounds, blah, blah, blah, this and that. But like Josh said, people are enthusiastic about this. I'll care about this when it's happening. It's not anything that, you know. I actually think it's a good idea on the surface because if you think about it, I mean, a lot of those guys, they complain. They don't want to be in the home run derby because of the fact that they're taking all of those repetitious swings back to back to back to back and it wears them out.

You've heard guys say that before. So at least this way, they can ready. regulate that a little bit. It's kind of like, Brad, I know you golf going to the range and swinging nothing but driver for a whole bucket. Right. And you're trying to get rid of your bucket before your tea time starts, so you're just ripping through up. Yep. Yeah. Is Byron Buxton going to get an invite?

And if so, do you think he'd agree to do it? I would think he would get an invite. He's third in the bigs right now with home runs as far last time I checked. I think so. I mean, it might depend on if he gets in the, I would think he would get a into the game to get invited to the game. So if he's already there, why not? Yeah, we talked about this yesterday. He was fourth in voting for outfielder,

so that would likely get him in. This is a great text from Eric Jesus. Simple enough. Eric Jesus. And he's right. He said, just be glad that the National Football League isn't in charge of the home run derby. They'd stretch that bitch out for five days.

They likely would. Oh, man. Here's an idea for extra innings. I had this sitting at the Twins game a couple weeks ago with my son when I went to the game. So say, and the purists are going to hate this, I know, but I want to get people's reaction of this. If a game is tied now after nine innings, instead of putting that silly ghost runner at second base, and with the emphasis on home runs now today, why don't we just give, why don't we wheel out that little screen in front of home plate like they do for the home run challenge? and every guy in the lineup, the nine guys in the lineup, gets one swing,

and like the pitching coach or whoever from the team, from that team, throws them like a lollipop, and they get one swing, and whoever, whatever team gets the most home runs out of those nine guys wins. I have no problem with that, Bradrider. As a matter of fact, I have heard legit conversation similar to that. I've read articles about, you know, proposed rule changes in Major League Baseball in the coming years, and I have heard a conversation. similar to that. Brad, you're right, though. You're right, though. The

purest would hate it, and that means I would love it. I would love it. I love when the old-timey baseball guys get riled up. But think about it. It would save, you know, it would save pitching staffs a little bit. You wouldn't have these 14, 15 inning games where you rip through your bullpen. You know that the game is only going to go nine innings. You can strategize a little bit more. Everybody who says, oh, that'll take the strategy away. I don't think so at all. I think I would add more strategy to the game, because it'll force you to figure out who you're going to pinch hit for late in the game, you know, who's going to be in your home run lineup after the game's tied.

I mean, I think it would be kind of cool. I mean, they do keep trying to speed it up. Like you were saying, like you were saying, the silly inherited runner on second base thing, I've hated it from the word go. I still hate it. So if that was replaced with some kind of a biggest dong contest, letter buck. All nine guys get one swing

in the last 10 minutes and it'll be done. A Detroit outfielder by the name of Wenssel Perez. First time in my life, Josh, I've heard of the first name Wensile. You haven't heard that either. This poor bastard, he heard himself

in the training room. It sounds to me like he was horsing around with one of those, what do they call it, some type of a band. Resistance band. That's it. He was, working out with a, I've seen a lot of videos of YouTube on YouTube of this kind of thing, but not from a professional baseball player.

Working out with a resistance band, it went sideways on him and it snapped them right in his eye. I got hit with one of those in the Cajonis. Oh, no. Stepping on it, and my foot moved just enough for it went right up into my cratch. Have you guys watched those YouTube videos where someone's got that resistance band and they're going to, and then whapap, it comes. Oh, Jesus. It's about 300 miles an hour.

This guy got, he took it right in the eyeball. It's always the eyes. Matter of fact, the skipper of that ball club, A.J. Hinch said this about Wendt, Seale and his resistance band injury. He said we're pretty concerned about it. Right in the eyeballs. Yeah, I'll bet. I can't even imagine how that would hurt.

So you took one right to the pills. Yeah. Like you said, they go so fast. That handle got me. And it's humbling. When there's people around, that's pretty embarrassing. embarrassing. And finally, this is one final baseball note, and it's a really good one, in my opinion.

It just brings back, speaking of movies, Brad Rider, okay? Brings back fond memories of a movie that I really liked, and I still enjoy it when it comes on my television. The cast from Napoleon Dynamite has purchased a minor league baseball team. Now, the cast I'm referring to, a fella called John Grease. He played Uncle Rico. Are you an avid fan of Napoleon Dynamite, Brad? I've seen it, so I'm familiar with the characters, yeah. Okay.

I think this was John Grease, the Uncle Rico character. He was the one who really pushed the idea of buying a baseball team. Going along with it are the other actors, John Heater, who played Napoleon himself, and Ephron Ramirez who played Pedro. They are now part of an ownership group. They run a North Woods League team in Richmond, Indiana. Do we have a North Woods? Who do we have?

Do we have anybody? I know like LaCross has a team. Oh yeah, there's a few teams in Minnesota. Yeah, we've got a lot. Oh, yeah, it's just coming back to me now. Wilmer, I know, is one. Yep. Duluth has one.

St. Cloud's got a team. Mancato's got a team. There you go. For a minute there, I had forgotten exactly who the Northwoods League, what teams make up that league, but we got a pile of them here. All right. Okay. This Napoleon Dynamite cast has purchased a club called the Richmond Flying Mummies.

That's in Richmond, Indiana. I'd give you the background on the nickname, but it would just bore you to death. they are the owners now of the Richmond Flying Mommies. And the Mommies hosted a Napoleon Dynamite Night last week. The three actors showed up. Again, Uncle Rico, Napoleon, and Pedro. The crowd was hilarious. Everybody got into it.

Everybody's dressing up. Fans dressed up as their favorite character. Fans had a competition to dance like Napoleon did at the variety show there in the movie. Uncle Rico's van. was parked out front. Perfect. And I don't know if this is true. This is big time stuff.

This is deep industry stuff. I don't know if this is true, but they say that the real Rex Cuando was in attendance at the ball game. Rex Cuando was very intimidated, especially when you took a look at his United States flag Zubas. There were a couple of people dressed like him. Rex Cuando. One of my favorite actors again, Bader.

and I know people are going to text in is his first name. Master. Bader is the last name. He's one of the best comedy actors in the business, and I can never think of his name. About seven or eight years ago, we got off. Didrick? Diedrich. Oh, yeah, he's great. Fall-down funny character actor,

maybe most noted as playing Lawrence, the neighbor in office space. But anyway, you were saying. About seven, eight years ago, we got offered the opportunity to interview with John Heater. He's coming to town. I think he was doing a film. Festival here. And we said, yeah, we'd love to, but we're going to be doing the show on location.

He probably doesn't want to go get interviewed at Bunnies with a bunch of people there. And they go, no, no, he'll come. So he came to Bunnies, interviewed him. He was absolutely fantastic. Hung with us the whole show, chatted with people, signed DVDs all morning long. He was just a delightful dude. I like hearing that guy. Yeah, he was just fantastic. And he was completely down to talk anything we want to know about Napoleon. He wasn't one of those guys that's burnt out on talking about, like, the big thing he was in. just a great guy. So for you Napoleon Dynamite fans,

when I read this story last night, I went on YouTube. This is like the fifth time I've referenced YouTube this morning. I don't know what's gotten into me. But I went on YouTube last night. Did you find this audio, Josh? Yep, I got it. Because you're the best in the business.

One of the greatest top 10 lists ever delivered on David Letterman's program was when Napoleon Dynamite first came out on DVD and no one really knew what to make of it. I remember thinking, this looks so friggin' stupid. It looked like a $2 movie. You know what I mean? But it was so enjoyable.

So John Heater, as Napoleon Dynamite, went to Lutterman's show. I'll let Josh play the audio. Do you have the intro and everything? I don't know how much of it I have. I found this on an old computer of ours. Just in case you don't have all the information. John Heater came on as Napoleon Dynamite, and he delivered the top 10 signs that you're not the most popular guy

at your high school. Category top 10 signs, you're not the most popular guy in your high school. Here we go. Your yearbook photo caption reads Unidentified sophomore. School song

includes a phrase about how much you suck. The stupid kid who gets his tater tots stolen every day he steals your tater tots. Tater tots rule. Yeah, that's right. Lord of the Rings

figurines, 50. Friends, zero. And the number one sign, you're not the most popular guy in your high school. How the heck would I know? I'm like the coolest kid in school. Gosh. And then he runs away. They got their own ball club now, Cubby. Good for them. Oh, all right, Brad Rider. Thank you for helping us out this morning. Randy Shaver is out of town, and he'll be back until Monday. We appreciate your help.

We sincerely hope you have the greatest Father's Day ever. You deserve it, pal. Thank you. Yep, thank you. And we will have a nice long weekend. You guys will too. A long weekend. We'll talk to you on Monday, Brad.

Sounds good. See you. Okay. Your adorable, lovable house pets. Someone's got to look out for them when they're not feeling 100%. And our friend, Dr. Andrea Johnston, can be that character. 651-9-9-933, is our... text number. If you have a question about your pets, text them in. We'll check in with Dr. Andrea

next on the Half-Ass Morning Show. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at standard heating and air conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you're not. You're not. You're a car. You're You shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast.

Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints. You need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people, just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Full-Send Golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. Full-Send Golf, 2V-2. Me and VOD versus Big John and Kyle. Oh, it feels good to be back. On the links with the boys. Join the party on the golf course. Back to golf in a big way. Now what? Practice. Let's go. range. I was like, let's go to the range. We are heading to the golf. Carl, you want to go off with us? No. You don't play golf? No.

Try. We got to break par. I'm very, very excited. You excited? Yeah. Bullsen golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. It's Dr. Andrea. Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93x half-assed morning show. Yeah, welcome back.

Hopefully our on-air conversation can be as interesting as what we just discussed off the air with Dr. Andrea Johnston, our next guest from German Animal Hospital in Minnetonka. I'm not giving away any details, but we knew she was close by when we heard her scooter buzzing up. We heard the buzz of a scooter. You always have good stories. She's got great stories. I don't know if this is a good one.

Anytime you come in here, well, great for us. Not so much for you. Here she came rolling up on her scooter, so we knew it was time for our listening audience to text in. 651, 989, 933. If you want to ask the vet. Thanks for being here, Dr. Andrea. Yeah, it took a while in that scooter. I'll be damned, yeah.

Especially with what you've been dealing with. I mean, my God. Yeah, you always have a great story or two. Unfortunately, this is one that I'm not comfortable talking about in the radio. I'll let you say anything that you might want to say, but you don't know. Yeah, no, my car was stolen and I don't have a car to drive around, so I'm riding my electric scooter to work. That's so insane. With your little helmet on.

Yep. It's actually pretty fun. Clipping along at about 20, 21 miles per hour? Yep. You know it. Who to hell would steal Dr. Andrea's car? What the hell's the matter with you? Vogous.

Right? Right out of my driveway. Oh, wow. I had a car towed once, and just the confusion of going, I swear I owned a vehicle. I know. I know I owned a vehicle. That was the worst. I mean, I woke up and I walked to the end of the driveway, and I looked down the street.

I opened the garage. Where's my car? How did you keep your cool? I think I would just go nuclear in that moment. I would end up just naked running down the street with a baseball bat accusing everyone. You know what I mean? I would snap. It's just the weirdest feeling.

You're like, well, it's gone. So we're even more grateful that you made it. Well, thanks. I kind of think, so are you extra paranoid about security at this point? Yeah, I mean, my husband's installing all that stuff and you're like, well, is that going to deter them? Because who knows? Well, yeah, I mean, the cops, so I say. Nowadays, you see a lot of young folks that do that kind of thing that are posting on social media.

Yeah. Yeah. So our house got broken into a few years ago, and the cops are like, hey, we'll figure it out because they'll post it on social media. And that's what these guys did. They posted their faces on social media driving my car. Yeah, they just don't care. Hey, you're not alone, Dr. Andrea? Got people texted in saying my nephew's car was stolen out of his driveway last week.

What the hell's happening here? I had a neighbor once a heavy, heavy drinker. lives across the hall for me she's partying all the time one saturday morning she comes and knocks on the door and i'm like yeah come on in she goes hey what did you guys do last night we're like i went to the bar she goes did we run into each other at all like passing through i'm like no no i didn't see you last night i'm like why what are you getting at she goes my car's not outside and i can't remember if if i drove it somewhere or if it got stolen not good did you ever find out what happened what's that yeah she drove it somewhere yeah one one afternoon at the wise out of legion we had to

help the, we had to help a drunk find his car from the night prior. That way, it turned out to be a lot of fun. Yeah, I bet. But the dude had no idea. Yeah, she was completely clueless and she was kind of hoping we'd say like, oh yeah, we saw you get dropped off in an Uber, you know, but no, we had nothing for her. All right, again, the number is 651, 989, 93. If you have a question for Dr. Andrew, and plenty of them have come in already.

Here's a, uh, here's a character. It's got a 60-pound mixed breed, 10-year-old dog. came inside the house the other night with a swollen snout, but only on the right side of her snout. They're guessing a wasp or a bee. Yes, those are the cutest when they come in. I feel bad for them, but their faces are so cute. It is.

It's adorable. Is there anything to be worried about at all? No, I mean, some people proactively over the summer months will give their dogs Benadryl a couple times a day just to prevent that, you know, like if you're stung once, you get a little reaction, stung twice, it might get worse. stung three times and you can't breathe. Typically dogs don't have respiratory problems with like insect bites,

but they can get hives and they can get really itchy. So some people do Benadryl in the summer. At times, I don't think, Josh, we give our dogs credit enough for how tough they are. No kidding. Yeah, honestly. They'll just sit there and take 8, 10 B stings. I mean, you can tell they feel it. But five minutes later, they're right back in your lap, you know,

wondering if you have a treat. You know, where I would be inconsolable if I got stung seven or eight. I'll tell you though, tough, but my dog wouldn't have attacked the people that stole my car. I don't know how tough they are. Damn dog, what the hell are you doing last night? I don't know. They look cool. You didn't notice any of this? I know. This person wants to know how hot is too hot to walk a dog on pavement. Oh, wow. Yeah, I have seen like burned paw pads where they get like where they start to sluff any hot pavement.

I usually tell people in the summer months walk your dog like early morning hours. or after dusk or around dusk time, not in the heat of the day. Or have them walk on grass or gravel. I usually get down and touch it myself. I'm like, all right, and I keep my hand there. I do the same thing. You test the pavement before you walk the dog on it? What a wonderful dog parent.

It's really nice. You are. I get nervous. I will say, though, like people think putting booties on the feet will prevent them from getting burned, but that's how they sweat. So then you're putting booties on them and they can't sweat, so they're overheating. Did not know that. Minnesota Moses has texted in.

He's recommending a new hit movie that you could star in Dr. Andrea. It would be you and Ashton Coutcher, and the movie's going to be called Dog. Where's My Car? I love that. Interesting question here from a cat owner. It says here he's an old guy, an orange cat. He's polydactal. Oh, yeah.

He's got like six or seven little paws, little fingers. Oh, right. Within the last months, within the last two months, he has developed skinny butt. Any idea what he... Skinny butt? He has developed skinny butt. Nick has that.

Well, my guess is he's probably lost muscle in his back end. So he looks like really narrow back there and sometimes you can see their hips. Yeah. So he's probably really arthritic and you need to see a vet for some meds. My guess is he's just not using the back end as much. That sounds tough.

Skinny butt. Catch his skinny butt. It's such a cute name for some of the meds. Such a cute name for something that's sad. I am the son of a truck driver. I have trucker butt. There's nothing I can do about it. It's in my genetics.

You want to say jeans? No ass. I have a four and a half year old great day, and this person says. Lump on its hind leg, about the size of a dime, raises up about half inch, black with some hair on it. Do I need to be concerned? Yeah, I'd get it checked out. I'd get a little needle sample of it and make sure it's nothing concerning.

I mean, a great day and at four and a half is really like, what, eight, you know, for other dogs in terms of age. So make sure it's nothing concerning. Yeah, I hear you there. You know, Dr. Andrea, there are some people who are texting in saying they're sympathetic to your story of your car being stolen. Sucks. But a few people are saying, isn't that interesting, you get your car stolen and there's a few people texting in saying, I would love for someone to steal my I was telling Dr. Andrew off the year, I had a buddy who had his car stolen. He said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. I bet. I was in that boat for a long time.

Just take, please, anybody. They're saying they leave this garbage car of theirs in the driveway, unlocked, keys in it, and no one will take the damn thing. But here you are. Yeah. Another question about a keyie. Very congested and sneezing a lot. Our listener says, I say God bless you every time and I get no response. No, they're seriously asking.

Is there something they can pick up over the counter to help with this sneezing and congestion? Yeah, so it's a couple things. Either it's allergies this time of year. The allergies, I'm seeing so many pets with allergies right now. There's not really much you can give it over the counter for allergies. Otherwise, it's like a viral thing. Cats can harbor that in their system for a long time, and then unfortunately something can bring it out. So there's really not much you can do with it.

You can do lysine powder that can help with the rest of it. respiratory stuff. Otherwise, if it gets like green and mucacy, then it needs antibiotics. Green and mucacy, she said, Josh. Yeah, that's nasty. Here's a behavioral question about a cat from Super Swing Driver Jesus. Male cat, about a year and a half years old, had him since he was a kitten, and apparently he's now waking him up about three to four times every night to lick his nose and chin and suck his earlobes. It's just normal. It's weird out of nowhere it started to to do this. Have any of you's had that cat in your lifetime that sucked on and licked your hair? No. We had a wacky cat when we were kids, and I had a lot of hair back then. And his favorite

thing to do was to lick my hair. Oh, dude, that would piss me up. When I would go to bed at night, he would lay on my pillow and lick and suck on wads of my hair. Oh, dude. Yack. Yeah, I mean, that cat was probably weaned a little too early, as my guess. Otherwise, he's hungry and is trying to wake you up for food. I mean, they're nocturnal, right? So they're running around in the house, getting bored. Maybe you need to get another cat. Oh, like a pal?

Yeah, like a buddy. Keep them occupied. Yeah, that cat that was a hair eater, he took a walk one day. We never saw him again. Oh. Yeah, maybe a... He didn't like the taste of pert. I don't know.

He didn't like the taste of head and shoulders. A golden retriever. Aren't they just a cutest? Three and a half year old golden retriever. Trout fishing Jesus texted in. Small tumor on the inside of his tooth? He has gone to see the vet. And that veterinarian said it looks more cancerous than not.

But the soonest they could schedule surgery was about four weeks. from now. He says he's found some things online on mouth cancer in dogs, and it can spread quickly, needs to be caught early. So with four weeks out from the first possible, should he be looking elsewhere to get something sooner? I would say probably the average clinic schedules about four weeks out. I mean, they could put you on like a wait list or something, but golden retrievers in

particular are super susceptible to oral melanoma, which can be really aggressive. So I would just see if they could squeeze you in sooner and share your concerns that you're worried. But, I mean, think about people, right? They get a cancer diagnosis and they can't be seen for like four months. But still, if you want to try and get in sooner, I'd call your vet and see if there's anything they could do. Oh, puppy. Hatch Daddy Jesus has a two-year-old tabby named Zoe. Time to time licks the carpet looking for crumbs.

But I was told it's a dental issue. I've looked her teeth over. appears to be fine. Is there something I could buy for her teeth just in case? No, she probably needs her teeth cleaned and look to see if there's any abscesses or anything in there. Sometimes they'll lick stuff like that too because they have reflux.

Oh, yeah, you've mentioned to that before. Yeah, they'll lick. Usually it's like a GI thing, not a tooth thing. So if they have gurd or reflux, certainly that could be the cause too. Oh, dude. I know a guy's got gurd. Sounds miserable. It's the worst. Yeah. Interesting question from Crystal Amazon Jesus.

Our guest this morning is Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital, helping us out if you want to text in. 651-198-9-9-93. That's our Luther-Bloomington Key, a text line. You've been in the business for many years. Crystal Amazon, Jesus wants to know. Do you see more cats that act like dogs or dogs that act like cats? I don't know.

I had a couple cats yesterday that were, like, sitting on cue for treats. So I don't know. I'd say there's more cats that act like dogs than dogs that act like cats. like cat. I have a dog that acts exactly like a cat. Well, explain about him. He's like that.

He gets nervous like a cat does. He likes to lay and sleep on top of the couch, like the back of the couch. He likes heights. He likes to lay in the sun. Oh, he likes to chase those laser pointers, except it makes me sad. I don't allow it in the house because it makes me too sad watching him do that. He chases a laser pointer. Why doesn't it make you sad?

Because like he's never going to get it. Oh. It's so sad, man. I'm chasing their tail. Yeah. Oh, my God. I never thought of that. That is sad.

They'll never feel that accomplishment at the end. Well, you could fool him. You could fool him. You run that laser pointer around and then just throw a treat in his mouth. You know what I mean? Yeah, you ate it. You got him. Do you remember my cat, Dr. Andrea, Big Lou?

He was the most dog-like cat. Cool cat. You could, there was nothing that bothered him. He was the toughest. He was so cool. Character. Anyway, so Crystal Amazon Jesus has a little story. He asks, of course, do you see more cats that act like dogs or dogs that act like cats?

He says, RIP to my homeboy Mittens, the Kiti. He was raised on a farm with dogs, and he couldn't be bothered for anything. You could roll him up like a pretzel and bounce them like a basketball, and some bitch would look at you like, hey, why'd you stop? One of our dogs is like that. You could do anything to him. He's cool with it. Wow.

Sorry for your loss there. Mitten sounds like a cool character. Vertically challenged Jesus said they challenged Jesus has a dog named, or excuse me, a cat named Oscar. Been meowing in pain when he poops. Oh. It's diarrhea. My grandpa did that. We had him tested and his blood work came back good. Fecal sample tested good.

No parasites. Any idea why he's having so much pain pooping? I feel terrible for him. Our poor Bubba. Yeah, buddy. It's a cat day, isn't it? We're talking a lot of cats. So I'd get an x-ray and make sure that there's not any arthritis or hip or back issues.

You could try pain medications too to see if that helps with any pain because they have to posture in that little box, right? It hurts. And then make sure they've done a rectal exam. Make sure there's nothing in there, like a lymph node or something. That sounds super fun to do on cats. They love it. I'm sure. I bet you get a positive reaction every time.

Yeah, they want to kill you. While we're on the topic of potty, here's a dog owner who is wondering, is there anything to be concerned about? Is there any reason why my dog shakes when it's time to go outside to go potty? Would it just be excitement? Yeah, I think he's just excited to get out there. Maybe he really has to go and a sense of urgency. You've got to get out there.

But, yeah. No, it's usually excitement. Yeah, I would imagine they just, they did. Yeah, they want to go out. They dig the scene out there. They get to drop, you know, a deuce and move on with their day. Antique Snowmobile Jesus has a nine-week-old yellow lab. What's the best approach for stopping the constant nipping and biting?

Yeah, that is going to get worse before it gets better. Usually they don't lose all their baby teeth until six months of age. So you won't see the worse of it until about 16 weeks of age. So they get pretty nasty. So you have to redirect them. offer them a different treat exchange, you know, a toy exchange for them nipping at you by giving them something else. And then I always tell people with kids, like don't scream, don't run, don't yell because they think it's a game. So they'll keep doing it.

Before we go, another shout out. We've got to take a break. We're not leaving for real skis. We've got to take a break. Before we do, one more text from a listener who would like to give out a word life to a pet who has checked out. I wonder if I can, wondering if I can get a shout out this morning to my dog, Guster. We had to put him down last night after 11 years. And he was the best beagle in the whole world.

That's from Madison IT nerd. Jesus. I'm sorry. Yeah, that sucks. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X half-ass morning show. All right then. We're back with Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital.

Before we get to a couple more questions from our listening audience. This here is one of our favorite subjects when Dr. Andrea swings by and a big official article popped up the other day. Here are people rattling off the strangest things that their dog has ever eaten. I'll blow through this real quick. You've told some great stories on this program over what you've seen in your career, what dogs have swallowed. We've all shared personal stories. I'll blow through this. These are the most ridiculous things that dog has ever swallowed.

Over two pounds of sand. Ugh. Yuck. Is that to calm your tummy? Is that I would do that? That's why horses get super collicky is when they eat that sand. Yeah. Have you ever dealt with that?

No, no sand. The flooring of a boat. Wow. Multiple garden lawn sprinklers. Wow. How do you do that? Crunchy. Two full wasp nests.

Also crunchy. Oh my gosh. Here's where an old Dr. Andrea's story comes into play. Several tamponies. Oh, yeah. And what was the number again? I think it was like 21 or 18 or something like that. Jeez, Louise.

Yeah. Reading glazes. A driver's license, a television remote, and finally, the F-11 key on my computer keyboard. Yeah, F-11. You know what's a big one is AirPods. Oh. They love those AirPods. Oh, I can see that for sure.

Because they like, I think they like the earwax or something. Oh. Well, they smell like their favorite person. Must be. Right. Yeah. Oh, God. We get a lot of those.

And retainers. Oh, sure. Yeah. Sure. Pictureing a dog wearing your retainer. It's really cute. Retainers are big one, too. Yeah, are there dog braces?

You could. No way. I mean, you can do root canals. You can do implants. You can do all that. But I don't do it. That's where I went to get my dental work job. He's brought you to the vet.

I went to Dr. Andrew. Probably cheaper, honestly. It was much cheaper. What is a Vislah? V-I-Z. V-I-Z. Vizla? Yeah.

Okay. This person has a four-year-old Vizla. Wines uncontrollably when my three-year-old son cries, but does nothing when my three-month-old daughter cries. Why is this? I can't get her to calm down once she starts whining. That's interesting. Doesn't like the other kid.

No, it's got to be bonded to that four-year-old for some reason. More protective of it. Maybe it really bothers the dog. Vizslas are known to be a little high anxiety. I might need some Prozac for that dog. I'm going to look that up. They're beautiful dogs. They're like a rusty.

red color. Oh my gosh, yeah. Kind of skinny. They have pretty colored eyes too. Very cute. Yeah. The Viesla. That's a new one on me too. Okay. Interesting question here. Sorry, real quick on the temperament. Affectionate, energetic, loyal, hates three-month-old girls. Oh, there you go. Right here on media. Ding, ding. Listener says, I have a Labrador Retriever. Do you think I could teach him to roller skate because that would be sick? Oh, that would be sick. That would be awesome. wouldn't it? No. No.

Not a lab. They're the ones eating the metal sprinklers in the yard. I suppose eat the roller skates right off of this. Yeah, what dog would be the best in your estimation to train the roller skate? Like a little dog? Like a real tiny dog?

You know, honestly, probably a great Dane. Really? Do it, Josh. Do it. Yeah, they're more like a person kind of. They're taller. Maybe a border collie. They're smart.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're supposed to be real bright. They are very smart. And they can tear your yard up in about 20 minutes if you let them. But labs are so effort. athletic. They're just so not smart. And I have had one. I mean, they're great dogs, but they're just missing a few brain cells.

Teaching a dog to roller skate. Dot, dot, dot, because that would be sick. Yes, it would. Yes, it would. At the Hamel Rodeo parade, there was a roller skating gorilla. Oh. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Really? I think it was a dude in a costume. He was a gorilla on roller skaterskin.

That would have been really cool. One-legged biker, Jesus says have an English bulldog gets diarrhea randomly. tried an allergy diet with H.A. food? Hypoallergenic. Seemed to help, but then it didn't. Well, you got to keep them on it for a long period of time. I mean, Bulldogs are known for GI issues and IBS. Sometimes you have to do like steroid trials and things like that, too.

The only way you can confirm it has IBS, you have to biopsy the intestines. But you have to keep them on that H.A. diet, strict, nothing else, like nothing, for a good six months. Anyone ever had their dog embarrassed them? Yes, yeah. Yeah. My dog brewing. He really embarrassed me. It was my husband's dog before I met him, so I don't know.

I guess he listens to my husband more, but I brought him to an apple orchard, and he's never been aggressive towards anybody. He's a sweet dog, usually really great with kids, and we were sitting out there, and these kids were walking through. They were like, oh, can I pet your dog? I said, yeah, absolutely. Like, he's a sweetheart, and the kid went to go reach for my dog. dog and my dog viciously snapped at him like he was going to like rip his head off oh you came close to getting sued

yeah and I'm sitting there like I swear I thought he was a good dog I am so sorry that's not only embarrassing but really scary yeah I was just like oh great I'm a terrible person how did your dog embarrass you Dr. Andrea well you know I'm a veterinarian right

so you need to have like well-behaved dogs just like a pediatrician should have like maybe good kids I don't know I agree I pulled up one day and he shredded open all of our Amazon boxes in the front yard. Like there was, and he's running around with all the, he ate all the chocolate from the candy in it. And neighbors were walking by and here I am trying to chase him and pick up all the shreds of boxes. Everyone in the neighborhood knew you have a poorly behaved dog.

Totally. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's just, he's just giving me a bad rap. God, dang. I've had it happen a few times, but one was with Nick, and it's almost exactly 20 years ago. For whatever reason, our dog at the time decided to take a giant poop right at the top of the stairs when Nick was holding. I was like, why would you do that?

He stacked it high, and he locked eyes with you, Josh, as if he was saying, what are you going to do? Get mad at me in front of your friend? Right. You're not going to scold me. He just basically wanted Nick to know, this is my house. Right. Absolutely. Not that little bald bitch you're talking to.

This is my house. The reason I ask is I got a text from a listener who says I'm embarrassed to tell Dr. Andrea something. My 60-pound husky is terrified of ducks. Oh, that's cute. That is cute. Yeah. You'd rather have it that way than have them tear the ducks apart.

Well, yeah. That's a good point. Cute. I had a dog who was terrified of moths. You know, we'd have the screen door shut, you know, the glass door open, screen door shut. A little moth would come up and he would just come up. and he would just cower and tear. They're scary.

Saw a couple of old horror movies or something. One of our dogs was a stray, and so we don't know anything about what happened to him beforehand. So we took him into training, and the trainer called us, because it was like a little boot camp. Yeah. And they're like, just so you know,

like when you come out and see him, we learn that he does not like golden retrievers. And it's so dog-focused, loves other dogs. And so our neighbors have golden retrievers. and he gets worked up. I can relate to that, that little pocket dog that my wife and I own, Gertie, the cutest dog in town. All day long, she sits in the window and watches people and dogs walk by. And most of the dogs she sees, you can tell, it's excitement.

She would like to go out there and play with them. But there's a corgi in our neighborhood. And when that frigging corgi walks by, Gertie is just chewing on the window to try to get out there and fight that damn thing. I don't know what. It's got to be like a fair moment. thing. I don't know. Who doesn't like Golden Retriever? Who doesn't like Corgi? It's just too much. Oh, Gertie just

She climbs the walls when that frigging Corgi walks by. She wants to settle this and settle it now. So, I mean, our assumption, I mean, you tell me, but our assumptions was just, he must have had a bad experience with a golden retriever once. Yeah. I mean, was it one golden or multiple golden? Any golden he sees

can't stand. I wonder if it's a color thing. Like he can see it. Who knows? That's weird. It's weird. But just the fact that we got call it like the school principal calling us. Hey, your dog, you got to work on him here. He hates golden retrievers. One of our listeners was embarrassed by his dog.

He was taking his dog for a walk through the neighborhood and they walked by a neighbor's house. And, you know, hey, how you doing there? Ron? Good to see you. And the dog squatted and took a pure liquid deuce all over the neighbor's sidewalk. That does suck. That's the worst. when you're talking to them and then they're like, oh, I don't have a poop bag.

I'll be right back. You know, it's the worst. Get a mop. All right, we got to get going. It's our Friday today. We're off till Monday. You want to ride home or something? Yeah, you know, it'll take me a while to get to work today.

It might see me on 3.94. We appreciate everybody listening, and we will talk to you on Monday. But, yeah, Dr. Andy, you've had a tough run here the last few days. So we appreciate you coming in. Yeah. I hope things start going better for you. Right. I know.

Do you know what you ought to do? Go on and steal somebody else's freaking car. I was thinking about it. Make sure you videotape it, too. Yeah. See how they like it. There's a big black truck out there. I think I can get you the keys for it.

Awesome. If you don't like taking over the payment, it's yours. Thanks, Andrea. Thank you. Have a good one. 93X. Ah, air conditioning. The love of my life.

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