93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Ukulele Monday

Episode Date: July 20, 2026

Originally Aired July 20, 2026: Whose pants are these? KATHAUSEN. Everything you've ever wanted to know about Boredom Arson. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Welcome to Yucolalee Monday on the half-ass morning show. Just in case you didn't know, my life partner over there, Cubby, he upped and gifted me a ukulele. Woke up to the sound of poor and rain. Wind would whisper and I'd think of you. How am I doing so far? Pretty good. If you didn't know, Josh gifted me a ukulele.

He's a wonderful guy. He intended to wait until Christmas, but he couldn't hold his mud. So here it is. You brought it in this morning. So far, I've been trying to figure out how to tune it. I haven't seen it, get. That's a beautiful instrument.

It is beautiful. They did a good job with that. I've been trying to learn how to tune it, and then it dawned on me. I was watching a YouTube tutorial video. Trying to learn how to tune my new ukulele and then it dawned

on me that even if I did tune it properly, I don't know what to do with it, so what's the point? Well, you've got to watch more YouTube videos. Yeah, you'll get there eventually. But I've learned the opening what do you call it, Josh

the opening riff riff to I Remember You by Skid Row you guys recognize it, don't you? It's beautiful. woke up to the sound of... I'm going to work on it all day. You made Scotty Hill and Dave the Snake Sable very proud of you this morning.

It's going to be like a John Deere Jesus says he's got goosebumps already. Well, it's beautiful music. He texted in to say Yeah, all morning long I'll be trying to make my way through the beginning stages of learning how to play the ukulele. But, I mean, it just looks so pretty. And what I really was thrown by right away was they do have the little knobs. What do you call these things?

They have the little knobs on the guitar for a guitar strap. I didn't think that anyone who played the ukulele needed a strap. I bet you could find some pretty cool ones with some skulls on it or so. Well, right. I thought you just rested it on your knee when you played the... Or just hold it, you know, it's so light. James, what does this say? More anxiety than here Jesus wants to know if I've got eruption down yet.

You know, of course, from the debut Van Halen record, Eddie Van Halen eruption. Not quite, but I'm getting there. I'm working on, as you could tell a minute ago, I'm working on I Remember You by Skid Row. Started with some chords. Yeah. ukulele Monday listen up for this some bitch because it's going to be

we'll have to try and tune that it's going to be a major factor on our program yeah like I said I was watching a tutorial video maybe you can help me out but yeah step one properly tune the pig am I going to tiptoe through the tulips

is a question that was sent in by a listener absolutely once I get it down it's very exciting and I thank you again Josh of course I was super excited to give it to you The subject of a ukulele came up last week, and it just so happens, I had already bought your Christmas presents,

so easy enough to bring it in. It came in such a nice case too. A beautiful carry case. You don't want to damage that thing. All right. Requests are coming in. Someone wants to hear Wild World. Okay.

La La la da da da da da da da da la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Now that I've lost everything to you, you say you want to start something new. Cat Stevens. And you're breaking my heart, you're leaving. Baby, I'm grieving. What other request do you have? I got Wild World down. Don't play cats in the cradle, I'll cry.

Oh, I hate that song in the first place. Yeah, I'm not a big fan. What was that again? Who was? Harry Chapin? Yeah, he's to blame for that one. And then those dicks from Ugly Kid Joe covered it. They thought they were clever by covering it.

Okay, what did I get down? So far I can. play. I remember you and Wild World. Send your request in, 651, 989, 93. Oh, sound to silence? Sure. Let me try to get on that one real quick. I don't remember the words. I know the guitar, of course, to sound to sound, but I don't remember the words.

What about Seven Nation Army? What is he saying that one? He talks about Wichita. I know he says Wichita. I'm going to Wichita. I'm, I'm, uh, I'm going to Wichita. It's an old Jesse bit we used to do here on the program. I got to put this thing down.

Thank you for all your requests. Poncho and lefty, cowboys from hell. I'll get them all down by the end of the day. Every rose has its thorn. Oh, God. It's going to become my, this is going to become like my whole thing. It's going to be my whole gimmick around here. I think you're very relaxing for you.

Playing requests. All right. What else is going on? How was your weekend, Josh? Good. No complaints at all. Saturday morning I went out to a charity motorcycle ride. I haven't been on a motorcycle in 15 years or something.

Keep your motor running. They didn't trust me to ride with a bunch of pros. Head out on the highway. Looking for adventure. Cobby went to a motor. motorcycle show. Wait a minute. Where'd you go again?

It was a charity motorcycle ride. Charity Motors. That's it. That's it. I promise you, I won't touch it for the rest of the morning. Yeah, how did that go? It was great. Called Ride for the Joe's.

They had a good turnout. A really nice event at the Lido Lakes Legion. I was very uncomfortable because what you guys know, usually when I... What? Since when are you uncomfortable? Well, let me explain. Usually when I walk into a room, I'm the toughest and kind of coolest guy in there.

So as you know, I'm used to that. Yeah. I've seen that. I've seen you walk into a joint, and everybody wonders, well, who's that guy? Yeah, he's sexy. He looks intimidating. Okay. And I felt like a child next to some of the toughest people I've ever been around.

What happened? Everybody's got really cool beards. They're muscular. They're in their leather, sweet rides. Were you wearing your frigging basketball shorts? I was wearing exactly what I got around. Oh, gosh. Oh, Josh.

What do you mean? Oh, Josh. But you can't wear it. I know. Your wife told me she got you some shorts. Some regular shorts. She brought that up to you? Yeah.

They're nerdy. You refused to try them. And you were wearing your basketball shorts and your little hoodie? Yeah. Well, no wonder you look like a jackass. Well, I don't have leathers. I couldn't pull that off. And I would have looked for.

You had a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt. It was hotter than heck. Dress like an adult. I mean, the t-shirt would make sense, but the jeans wouldn't make any sense. So you walk into a bar full of bikers and you felt like a complete sissy. I felt like a complete sissy. I felt like a, like Pee-Wee Herman walking into that

biker bar. I felt exactly like that. You know, you've got all these funny ideas in your head about this and that. I remember once when Josh walked into the WISTA American Legion for the very first time. And

I met you about halfway as you walked into the joint. I met you about halfway to the bar. And he asked me if he was going to get his ass kicked because he was driving a tour. Toyota. Hey, you get all these veterans in here and all these tough guys.

Am I going to get my ass kick because I drove a Toyota? I said, no. That's funny. You remember that, right? At the time, I had a tundra. And I thought, oh, shoot, I better go park at the Walgreens down the road. Yeah. Did the biker guys, did they say, who's the kid in the pajamas?

No, nobody said that. Because when you wear your little basketball shorts and your hoodies, sometimes you look like you're going seepy-n-n-n-n-n-y. You're like a little boy. A little boy who's headed off to bed. I felt like that, that's for sure. So what happened? They accepted you, of course.

It was all in your head. Well, the ones I knew, yeah. The other ones weren't so sure about me, I don't think. They talked about you afterwards. I wouldn't be surprised. I wouldn't be, yeah, they won't let me ride with those guys because I'd be the guy that tooks out the field. I'd just knock them all over, like in some sort of bike race.

They didn't trust me. But for real, though, it was a great event. I mean, really, they put it together so well. I got to meet some guys with nicknames. Nicknames. Yeah, and it was fun. Any memorable nicknames you'd like to share with us? I love a good nickname.

Like from now on, they're going to call me fingers because of my skills on the ukulele. Oh, okay, gosh. Who'd you meet? What nicknames? And I broke my promise already. I picked up the ukulele. Sing a song about nicknames. Sing a song about nicknames?

Hairdoo. Dirtball. The dirty beauty. These are some of the nicknames of men that I know. Oh, here we go. Somebody said, weren't you supposed to be outfitted? I forgot I brought that up.

Last week, they said they were going to hook me up. I got a T-shirt, a Memento Mori T-shirt, motorcycle club. So nobody's going to mess with me now. You are going to be outfitted in cool? I had mentioned they were going to hook me up, so I'd look kind of tougher, and now I have a T-shirt, which is going to make me, it probably make me four to five times tougher. Yeah, no one's going to mess with you now.

Okay, I can't wait to see this. T-shirt. I know you got buddies. I should thank a couple listeners were there to show their support for the charity as well. I won a couple things in the silent auction. Oh, wow.

That's always so much fun. It's a big day for it. What did you, what items were your highest bidder on? On a, like a coat rack. A classic coat rack at the silent auction. Well, no, it's sweet. It's like an American flag. I should show you a picture of it.

It's very patriotic. Coat rack? Yeah, one of those wooden ones you hang on the wall Not like a... Oh, good, you need stuff for your wall. Yes, I do. You can hang your basketball shorts

and your hoodies there. Well, I can hang my hats on it. That'd be kind of a perfect place. You do? You're a hat guy? I bid, I didn't win, but I bid on an Andrew Van Ginkle helmet. One of those mini Vikings helmets. Didn't win that.

I don't like that Van Ginkle guy. Oh, I'm a fan. I feel like you did that just to start trouble with me. I was going to bring it in here. An Andrew Van Ginkle mini helmet? but you didn't ride with the boys because you ain't got no motorcycle. Yeah, I don't have a bike. But you just were there to support the cause?

That's awful nice of you. Yeah. Awful nice. Not slim, kind of shady Jesus says, what about the time you showed up to a surprise party wearing a baby blue turtle neck sweater? Now, that was my surprise party, which makes a difference, right? Because I didn't know I was going to a party, in which case I never would have wore that outfit.

Yeah, that was supposed to be a private moment between me and my girlfriend at the time who made me wear that to dress up. up. That was an all-timer. That was not cool at all. I wish I would have seen that. I was a victim there. I know a guy who doesn't like to walk into a public place alone, even despite the fact that he's in his mid-50s. He's uncomfortable with the idea of walking into a social situation alone. So he always wants to make sure.

He always offers me a ride because that way he knows he'll be walking. in with me. Oh, really? That's slick for you. Yeah, I didn't mind that. I don't mind walking someplace along. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I wasn't directly comparing him to you.

I was just, you know, sort of similar situations where... But no, no, I know you're not at that point. If I could read your mind, love, what a tale my thoughts could tell. Just like that old-time novel. about a ghost from a wishing well. Someone requested Gordon Lightfoot, Jack. Oh, good. So I decided to cut loose with that.

That'll make you cry, too. Well, I'm happy you had a good time at the deal, and it sounds like a lot of money was raised. The cause, again, was what? It's called Ride for the Joe's, and they support fallen officers. And this is, I believe, their third one. And Officer Ben Smith was who they benefited this time.

It was a good event. Cool. Very nice. Oh, wow. You did something worthwhile over the weekend. Well, they did it. I just went out to say hello. Well, but you were part of something worthwhile. I can't think of a damn thing.

I can't remember anything from the weekend. I went to a car show. Car show? Oh, you did? That's pretty cool. It's a state fair. Oh, you know, I saw, I wanted to get out there. I saw lines of vehicles on Friday on my way home from work.

Really cool stuff on their way there. Yeah, it was pretty sweet. And I like the people that, I'm, I'm assuming they know that their car is just a regular, normal, everyday car, and you can just, like, pay the 50 bucks. So then your car is on the fairground, so you can just, like, park right there, you know, set up a tent, throw some chairs up. I like those people. Those people are smart. But they always end up, like, in the line with the really cool cars.

And it's funny because, like, yeah, ooh, a 2014 Chevy. Nice. I see what you mean. So they're kind of cheating. Yeah. But we were talking about how we're going to cheat next year. That looks really nice. Maybe that's where we got the idea for our average Joe car show years ago.

I'm not sure, Josh. Is that where we got the idea when we were seeing regular cars at the car show? I think it was more so that just I loved going to car shows, or I do love going to car shows. And we just thought, wouldn't it be funny if there's one that's just really regular, broken down average guy cars. I wish we still did that. That's fun. I had enough of it, to be honest with it. We did, what, five of them?

I mean, I don't know. What was great is that people went all out. They made it. The displays were fancy like you'd go to a car show with various things about it, like leaks oil, you know, that kind of thing. Broken timing belt. Just put all the cigarette hole burn, you know, cigarette holes and all the upholstery. Oh, Josh, a request on the ukulele.

Today's ukulele Monday on the Half Fast Morning Show. Josh bought me a ukulele. I have it right here in my hands, and I'm just getting started. Let me guess what song is. But listeners are making requests. I'm sorry, what? Play it, let me see if I can guess. All right.

Is it Sister Christian? No. Radio's playing some forgotten song. You knew this request was going to come in. Brenda Lee's coming on strong. When I get lonely and I know I've had enough, she sends something or another to me from above. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

You got a thing that's called Radar Love. You got a thing. that's called Radar Love. Waiting for the text to come in. This is the white lion version, by the way. You can tell this is the white lion version, right?

Because it's better. Because it's better than the golden earring. I'm going to have to email the guy about our podcast, taking these songs out. They're so perfect. It's too good. You know what you're going to have to do, Ashley, sadly? Tie my arms behind my back.

Because I am going to torture people. I am going to torture people all day long with this nightmare. I would too. It looks like fun. It is fun. You know what, Ashley? You just made me nervous. Because what if the rules are so stupid and weird and nobody knows them?

What if we have to pull all that out of the podcast? Oh, no, I doubt that. That'd be crazy. That would be... Wow, the texts are... The texts are telling me that they're really enjoying my skill set so far. Well, it's a fun concert. Can you play any Creed?

I mean, we were all looking forward to seeing Creed and Bush last week. I don't know Creed. I don't know their... their setup. They do have a good guitar player, Mark Tramont. What was the song they used on WWE? My Sacrifice, was that? Yeah, but how did that one go?

Sing that one to me. My sacrifice. That's all I know. Same thing. I mean, I loved that whole thing they had going with WWE with the Stone Cold Video and the I can't think of my sacrifice. Hello, my friend. Oh, there you go.

We need again. Something about this and that. No, I can't come up with it. But the week is just beginning. You know, it'll be ukulele week before you know it. You'll be a maestro by the end of the week. Oh, God. I want so badly.

I really do. I want to learn you've, I mean, you've gone out of your way to give me this wonderful gift. And I have always had an interest in playing some type of guitar that I really want to try. I really do. I'm afraid that I'll let you down. Because I just... I think it's been a great start. Oh, there's no doubt about it.

No doubt about it. I mean, you heard me playing radar at love, right? Well, you got to start. You didn't even start with smoke on the water. You know, a lot of people start there. 1-3-5. I just don't want to let you down. You're not going to.

No expectations even. You know that super diary that's going around town? Been hearing about it. Pardon me? I've been hearing all about it. You've been hearing about it? Yeah. Sounds bad.

I don't want it. You want it? I don't want it. You don't want it. I'll pass. Trying to lose some weight or something? Well, that's exactly where I'm going with this. That super diarrhea?

Well, actually, it hasn't really gotten to town yet, has it? Yes, there has been. I looked at a diarrhea map yesterday. Oh, no. And we were in the one to ten case category. You know, they just kind of different shades of brown. Would have been more appropriate, but that's not what they did, but would show kind of how hot the diarrhea outbreak is in you.

town. It's so hot. Really, honestly, you looked at a diarrhea map? Yeah. On a diarrhea map, it looks like we have at least one case in Minnesota. Oh, no. There are people out there trying to get it so they can look sexy on the beach before the summer is over.

It's so stupid. It's pretty dumb. I mean, when I've been sick before, I usually am like, okay, well, I guess the only upside of that week-long sickness is that I lost like seven pounds. Yeah, when I had salmonella for like a week and a half, I was sexy as hell.

Yeah, that's what I read. There are people out there trying to catch super diarrhea so they can shed some weight and then head off to the beach and get laid because they look so damn. So slim and it's a trim. I mean, the other not smart way to do it was with laxatives. Why not just go that route?

I haven't heard of that. Versus super diarrhea. You've heard stories where people will just take those laxatives and they just spray? Try and get down to E or below. Yeah. Eating disorder vibes. They keep calling it explosive diarrhea. I didn't know there's any other type.

Oh, sure. There's different types. Oh, plenty. Oh, Dana. Name a type. They got it. You friggin novice you. There's all different types of diarrhea.

There's the gentle kind of rolling diarrhea. I've never experienced that. the beginning stages. You just have the explosive. What did I have it? It's violent. Oh, yeah, there's all different ranges, Dana. Huh, you're going to have to get back to us here.

More anxiety than here Jesus says, did you guys know that diarrhea is hereditary? No, get back to us with more information on that. I'd love to know what you mean. Yeah. What does it mean if diarrhea is hereditary? I'm not exactly sure, to be honest with you. I was waiting for the punchline.

Yeah, me too. I'm waiting for him to text back with the punchline. You guys haven't heard this one? I've heard it, yeah. No. I was just playing along with it. Yeah, I appreciate you going along with the bin. Well, you just let us in on his...

As soon as he gets back to me, I mean, I'm not so sure what he means. Okay. Well, you think you know... Oh, it runs in your jeans. Diarrhea runs on your jeans. Thank you for the clarification. You've never heard that? No, I've never heard that.

I probably have, and I just completely forgot. You just wanted to forget it once you heard it. Never heard that one. I enjoyed it. Oh, but yes. Get bent fishing, Jesus. said his wife had it last week coming out of both ends full on rooster he called it but for real this is this are you sure she had the super diarrhea the one that started in michigan or wherever are you sure

that's the stuff because that frightens me that now we've got two cases here in minnesota i had a friend a week or two ago she had the neurovirus and she she was both ends about 20 times a day oh man that's terrible okay no two people who have had it and they said it's the worst thing they've ever She had to go to the hospital. She was so dehydrated. Well, here's the thing with the super diarrhea, or whatever they're calling it. Am I missing out on a cute name?

Do they have a cute name? Are they just calling it super diarrhea? Super diarrhea is what I've heard. It lasts like a month. You know, so keep that in mind when you're trying to determine what brand you have. You might just have regular diarrhea. If you got the super, what should say now? People are losing 15 to 20 pounds.

It's a parasite. It swims around your stomach. So these people... And raises all different levels of hell. Must have, not have a social life or a job if they're willing to sit around for a month and poop 15 times a day or something like that? So terrible. Explosively.

Yes, Josh. It sounds like something that maybe only the elite are getting themselves involved in because they can. I think you're probably 100% correct. This isn't some regular schmuck out there who's got a job and a wife and kids. Unless they just didn't think that far ahead. Who's licking all of the heads of lettuce in the grocery store trying to. This is, yeah, some influencer douchebag who has nothing else to do and has all the money in the world.

What's it say now? Or maybe, you know, they just don't mind wearing a diaper running around in one of those. Weeks, weeks, not just a handful of days. Weeks of relentless, explosive, watery diarrhea, sometimes 20 times a day. Might as well just drag the TV into the bathroom. that point because you're not going anywhere. All the way around. Just crap in the living room.

I want to watch in the bigger TV. Bring the toilet out to the living room. Just sit on a five-gallon bucket. Severe stomach cramping, nausea, exhaustion, extreme dehydration. Unlike a 24-hour stomach bug sticks around for over a month, if untreated. Some people can't even drink water. It's so bad. No water.

You need some of that. What movie? No water. If anybody can name that movie, I'd be very, very impressed. 651, 989, 93. I'll even give you this scene. There's a guy sitting.

No, he's not sitting. I think he's standing in a sauna. Standing in a sauna. And an older gentleman walks into the sauna and says simply this. No water. Okay. What else with the super diarrhea? It can, it's also a famous for relapsing cubby,

which means you think you're finally over it. And then it comes back a few days later. and gives you another month of straight up sprays. That's not fair. Yeah, you feel like you're out of the woods and you're like, all right, I'm going to go out to this fancy event and then you're just crapping yourself. A lot of restaurants are pulling their lettuce and whatnot off the shelves until this is cleared on over to. It's on its way to Canada, they say.

So restaurants are saying as soon as this moves up to Canada, then they'll start stocking. lettuce again, but until then, no, lettuce. I do feel bad like, you know, Taco Bell, they're taking the heat here on this. How do you prevent something like that? What are you doing? What are you doing picking on Taco Bell? Why, is that where people believe it started? I don't know about started, but it was, their lettuce was kind of pointed to whoever their supplier is.

Well, that's not fair because we love the folks at Taco Bell. They've never done me wrong. Never once. Nope. A few people are saying diarrhea for a month. That sounds great. for 29 years. I mean, not laughing at your condition, but funny text.

That would suck. You know how the super diarrhea starts, don't you, Josh? Tiny bubbles in your guts. It's an old Don Ho joke, Josh. I wonder if that still works on people. Don Ho humor. Don Ho, do you follow that? No, no idea.

Don Ho? Tiny bubbles, nothing? Nothing? No. All right. Well, I got 50% of the crowd. He's pretty famous. I'm surprised you haven't heard of Don Ho.

Timey bubbles. Have you heard that song? No. I believe he made an appearance once. I think he made an appearance on the Brady Bunch. Maybe that's where I saw him for the first time. Don Ho. He was a Hawaiian artist.

I'm just looking up more requests. See if there's anything I can play. The devil went down in Georgia. Wow, that's an incredible. Wow, that's an incredible. incredible song. Yeah, I know. Charlie Daniels band.

You know, I saw him in concert before he dropped dead. Are you serious? Yeah. Dude, that's so sweet. Just a few months before he dropped dead, I saw Charlie Daniels. And he played the piss out of that devil went down to Georgia. Cool. I'm so jealous.

No, I can't play devil went down to Georgia. I can't. Yet. I hope to get there. Maybe like next week. I hope to get there. Yeah, it's a Thursday song. Oh, wow.

Someone wants me to play some share, Josh. Did you text the program? No, I'd be fine with that. Someone wants me. If you could turn back time. If you could find a Hawaii. One of my better pals texted already on my ukulele skills and said that he's picturing my wife right now changing the locks on the house.

Oh, no. Maybe that should stay here. Oh, I didn't even consider that. Like when you give a child a loud instrument? Yeah, she's going to be mad at you. She supports me in every way. She supports me in every way. I think she'll support my learning of the ukulele.

Or the ukulele. I think is the proper pronunciation. I have a friend that pronounces it that way. Fancy. God dang. Well, here we go. She's the Monday broadcast. So far around here, diarrhea-free.

Yeah, hello. Come on in. What was that? I was knocking on wood. That did not sound like wood. No. I really thought so. It sounded like a lunchbox.

Oh. No, this is the wood table in front of me. Oh, we got cheap wood. Yeah. I thought someone was honestly here. Which had never happened in the history of this show. It was like the old Mr. Rogers show where suddenly there was a knock on the door. I thought maybe they had a request.

I thought they had a request, an in-person request. Or maybe to turn it down, you're rocking too hard. Do that again. Come on in. It does not sound like wood. I like that. What's that? Oh, REO Speedwagon?

Sure. Heard it from a friend who heard it from a friend who heard it from another you've been messing around. Can you play Sweet Child of Mind? She's got a smile that it seems to me. You know, I used to sing that one back in high school

in our high school rock band. What's he say now? A child seems to me, smiling, fantasy. I don't know. I can't remember Sweet Child of Mine. That was a long time ago. Randy Schaever and Brad Rider will be swinging by around 730. What was that?

You were going to say something? You know anything like Beethoven or some of the, that would be kind of tough? Some of those arrangements would be difficult. I don't know. The deepest, the bands that with the deepest arrangements that I ever followed, probably Iron Maiden probably would be the most complex arrangements, you know, you know what I mean? I didn't know any of that. that stuff. Beethoven.

Give me a couple days on that. All right, we'll get going in the right direction here. We're going to start with the stupid news. Like I said, later on, Randy Schaber and Bradra. And some more of the ukulele. It's ukulele Monday here on the Half Fast Morning Show. We'll be right back. Hey, it's Dana.

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Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. It's just wonderful. Wonderful to be here. Thanks for listening on ukulele Monday morning. We're calling it ukulele. Monday. If you are just tuning in, Josh gifted me a ukulele and now all of you were going to suffer for it every damn last one of you.

He meant to give it to me come Christmas, couldn't hold his mud, gifted me a ukulele. And so today's ukulele Monday where I'm taking requests all morning long at 6-5-1-98-9-93. Josh, the requests are flooding in. I see that and there's some kind of Complicated choices as well. I mean, more advanced ukulele players would even have trouble with it. Like Dragon Force.

Right. Your average ukulele player is not going to be able to do that. I'm working on it. No, I'm never, ever going to play the Thanksgiving song by Adam Sandler, ever. I can promise you that. That was a request that came in. I'm going to have to deny that one. I'm never going to play.

You're not a fan. Nope. You know, our listeners do know quite a bit about the instrument. A few have texted in knowing the history of the ukulele. One listener even knows the village in Hawaii where it was first created. Did you hear this one, Josh? Kamanawanalea, Hawaii. Oh, really?

Yeah. It's where it was invented in 1732. Is that over by I think I want to bang you? Yeah, their neighboring rival high schools. Oh, yeah. Here's a song I'm not familiar with, a listener wants me to play a song called Cubby's Mother went down on me.

Oh, for Pete's sake. I don't. I mean, I could improvise maybe that one. No, I don't want anything to do with that. It was a night just like tonight. The skies were gray and so was she. Another listener wants to know if I can do my best imitation

of Jeff Jarrett or El Cabong with my ukulele and smash it over Dana's head. Why my head? I don't know because you're... Yeah, no. I'm the logical choice. Josh gave it to you and you're not going to smash a guitar over a woman. El Cabong.

I haven't heard that name in a long time. Jeff Jarrett, though, I just recently watched his Behind the Music. Oh, you did? Yeah. How was it? It's not called Behind the Music. Dark side of the ring? I got halfway through.

I didn't finish it off. Hmm. The story of Jeff. Because lack of interest or you had something else going out? I don't remember. I think I fell smooth asleep in the middle of the jazz. But other listeners are saying maybe. maybe along with some request, maybe we'll do a little name that tune, Josh.

Are you ready? Yeah. See if you can guess the song. Here on ukulele Monday, I'm going to play a little tune for Josh and sing it to him as well. He has to name the tune. Well, I'm upper, upper class high society. God's gift to ballroom notoriety. and I always fill my ballroom.

The event is never small. The social pages say I've got the biggest balls of all. I've got big balls. I've got big balls. And they're such big balls. They're dirty big balls. And he's got big balls and she's got big balls. Everybody.

But we've got the biggest balls of me. What song, Josh? Big balls. By? ACDC. That's a real song, huh? Yeah, we used to play the heck out of that. Well, I guess at 93X, X105.

Because it says big balls over and over and over. I don't want to wait. I think that is your favorite song. For my life to be over. Good guess on that ACDC song, Josh. That was hard. That one was pretty easy. Where the hell of I put my stupid.

News report. Oh, this could be it. Yes. All right, keep your request coming in. Appreciate it. 651, 989, 93. Let me start off today's Stupid News report by going in this direction real quick. If you don't mind me asking you a personal question, everybody. Sure. Let me ask every damn last one of you. Well, I'll start with you, Josh. The pants or shorts that you're wearing right now, do they belong to you or are you wearing somebody else's pants? or shorts. These are mine and they have remained in my possession and only my possession since I've owned them. Same question. The pants or shorts that you're wearing right now, do they belong to you or are you wearing somebody else's pants or shorts? They're mine. Danel? Same thing. What about you, Nick? Oh, they're mine. Yeah. Now ask me, same question

about my underwear and I have a different answer. Underwears. Different answer. What is your answer? My wife's. You're wearing your wife's underwear this one? Per usual, yes. we're all wearing our own pants like God intended this is nothing new it's been going on for years and years but it is a real oddity it seems that in the criminal world

lots of folks end up wearing somebody else's pants it must have worked once that excuse must have for it to maintain its longevity you're right you're right but I have learned as a law-abiding citizen

if I ever wear especially my cousins pants, it's usually a cousin. I'm checking the pockets because there's always drugs in there. Always. Anytime you have cousins pants, there's drugs. In the criminal world, lots of folks end up wearing somebody else's pants. Somehow,

some way, the shadier characters out there, they end up wearing pants that don't belong to them. And in some cases, the criminal character doesn't even know whose pants they're wearing. It's very strange. Like, I mean, the cousin gimmick, you know,

At least those folks have an answer. Well, whose pants are they? They're my cousins. Some folks, they don't even know. Oh, I just loaned some shorts to somebody yesterday, and I didn't consider putting any contraband in there to get them busted. You missed out. Opportunity lost.

Cops in Tennessee found a gal sleeping behind the wheel of her motor vehicle. It was adorable, they say. She looked so peaceful. They found a gal sleeping behind the wheel of her motor vehicle. There she was. Amanda, they found out later, that that was the name she goes by. 46-year-old. She was out cold in the driver's seat of her furred F-150.

She had pulled into a gas station, parked that fird in front of a gas pump, and then she went smooth CP-9-9s. I get it? Need a little nap every now and then. It's a comfortable vehicle. Yeah. Remember I told, well, I'll get to the, I was going to go in another direction, but I'll keep going straight ahead here and then I'll double back when it's more appropriate.

So she pulled up to a gas pump and then the lights went out. She fell out cold with a cigarette still burning in her hand. Oh, that's a dangerous thing. I've seen that before. They have like signs all over that say not to do that. Not to have a cigarette near those gas pumps. No smoking at the gas pump. Yeah.

Right. So the local cops woke Amanda up. They got her to step out of the vehicle. and when she did, the police noticed a bulge in the coin pocket of her jeans. You don't often hear about the coin pocket. No, because it's a pointless pocket. Well, what if you got coins? I thought it's just decorative.

Absolutely ridiculous is that my son's close. He's 11 months old. It has those little pockets on it. What is he putting in those pockets? He shouldn't have anything that fits into those, that size of a pocket. It's 100% boogers. Josh is right. It's either a handful of his own poop or some boogers.

She's so funny to me. You'll find that out. Well, you know, the original intention of that coin pocket. This is some true history here. The original intention of that, I have one right here on my blue jeans. I think you've told us before, but I forget. The little mini pocket right above your real pocket. Josh, it was meant to throw your pocket watch.

Yep, your watch went in there. Into that pig. Okay, so Amanda, out cold at the gas pump. The cops wake her up. They get her to step out of the vehicle. And when they did, they found. they noticed a bulge in the coin pocket of her blue jeans. The bulge turned out to be a big, juicy meth rock.

I just thought of something. You could keep your ukulele picks in your coin pocket. Oh, perfect. I've been strumming this all morning long. I never even realized. I guess I don't know if anybody's ever used a pick on a ukule. Is a pick required? Now that I think about it, I've never seen anybody use one.

I wonder if it's kind of like, you know, if a bass player uses a pick, I've heard other bass players kind of make fun of that person. Oh, you don't want to be made fun of by the fellow ukulele community. Yeah, the U-K community can be pretty ruthless. Oh, yeah, a bunch of tough guys, hey. What's this say now? Okay. So there was a big fat-ass meth rock in her coin pocket. But then here's where we started.

We're back to where we started. Amanda said to the cops, Don't get all uppity with me now over that meth rock, because these aren't even my pants, she said. Amanda told the cops that she'd been wearing the pants all day. Hell, she said she even put in a full-on, four-alarm 12-hour workday earlier while wearing those same pants, but they were not hers. She didn't even know who they belonged to.

Despite her brilliant attempt to avoid ownership of the pants that were currently housing her ass and genitalia, despite claiming she has no idea who the rightful owners of those pants are, the big bag of, or the big drug rock in her pocket was enough to get her tossed into the county jailhouse. I don't know where they're going to go with that now. And if you look at her picture or her mugshot, which is on 93x.com, it's pretty obvious that like those are her pants. She looks like the type, you're saying?

Yes. I didn't see the picture. She kind of looks like Ozzy Osbourne. Can I see Amanda real quick? Yeah, yeah. It's like those pictures they show you in dare. This is what a drug user looks like. This is your brain on drugs.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. She looks like she, I don't know about the pants, but she certainly looks like she might know her way around a big meth rock. Yep. I don't know about. I need to get some help, help. But she went that route again, Josh, just like her criminal forefathers.

She said, I don't even know whose frigging pants they are. But they're on me. I don't know who they are, though. Comfortable. I don't know who they belong to. Oh, I know what I was the side track I was going to make a couple of minutes ago. Remember I told you about a month ago? I stopped at a gas station and some poor bastard was sound asleep.

Just he had fallen, he had gotten his pickup into park. He was in a parking spot. And then he'd obviously just fallen forward onto the steering wheel. Yeah, I remember that. But I was tired and I just wanted to go home and I did nothing about it. Maybe this guy had some meth. in some pants that didn't belong to him either. Maybe that guy was on meth rocks, too.

I don't know. I just got the hell out of there. Now I feel like I should have done something. Sir, if you're wearing someone else's jeans, you may be in danger. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So there you go. What does this mean?

John Deere Jesus texted in to say, speaking of Ozzy Osbourne, it's Ozzy week? What does that mean? What is Ozzie week? Is this the week that he died or something? Well, yeah, wasn't it? I have no memory of what time of year it was when Ozzy died. Because if it's Ozzy Week, I'll play nothing but Ozzy Osbourne on my new ukulele. July 22nd.

So he... Coming up in one year, exactly. Oh, well, then we'll play some Ozzy on this ukulele before it's all said and done. I promise you that. Thanks for the heads up. No kidding. I had forgotten what time a year the man had died. I'll never forget the day, obviously, because it was so devastating, but I did not know what was a summertime thing.

Ozzie Week. We'll do something about that. Watch those documentaries that came out recently. Yeah, I got to get around to that. It'll likely never happen, but I'll try. That'll get you. I'll try. I got me big time.

It doesn't matter what you do for a living. Nobody likes paperwork. Right? Meetings and paperwork. Nobody wants to deal with that garbage. Nope. Here's a cop way over there in New Zealand. Oh, he caught some unlucky bastard with a fat-ass bag of dope.

but the cop more or less said piss on it. He threw the weed into a trash can and acted like it had never happened simply because he didn't feel like filling out the paperwork. I can't blame the guy. I do the same thing if I was a cop. I always hear him say like that's one of the worst parts of the job, having to do all the paperwork. In the cop movies, they almost always bitch about the paperwork, don't they?

Yeah, they do. And then they'll get yelled at by their sergeant or something like, you got piles of paperwork over there, pal. Jesus, we got a hell of a week ahead of us. A listener just texted in to say, if it's Ozzy week, then it also has to be Hulk Hogan week because he died on July 24th. Oh, wow. Ozzy died on July 22nd and Hulk Hogan, July 24th.

Well, damn. Did they ever do a song together? Boy, good question. I don't think they did. I don't think Ozzie and Hulk ever teamed up. Ozzie and Lida, certainly. Wonderful collaboration. Even when Hulk was in Metallica, they never did this?

song together? No. No. Missed opportunity. That was kind of, Metallica was kind of just getting started. Sure. When Hulk was in the band. Here's what happened with this cop. The cop pulled some shady prick over in their motor vehicle. Cop searched

the car and seized a big old bag of the devil's lettuce. He wrote the driver a ticket with a summons to appear in court and all that. A couple weeks later, that cop I was telling you about, his supervising officer said,

hey, I heard you pulled over some douchebag and you snatched up a big fat ass barrel of weed. Where's the paperwork on that deal? And the cop said, ah, yeah, sorry, I tossed the wheat in a trash can somewhere and I didn't fill out the paperwork because paperwork blows. It's kind of like when you hear about a, like a mail carrier or somebody delivering packages they're so overwhelmed. They just drive to a forest somewhere

and kick everything out of the vehicle. I remember. I'm never going to catch up. I remember hearing one or two of those types of stories. Yeah. So the cop told his boss, he said, I was kind of hoping you wouldn't notice. I threw the big, big old bag of grass.

I threw it in a trash can. I never filled out any paperwork. I was kind of hoping you wouldn't notice and you'd give me a break on this. And the supervisor said, no. No, I can't give you a break on that one. Matters. So it can't.

cop got in trouble. He had to see a judge about this. He was charged with willfully perverting the course of justice, which sounds very serious. But check this out. The charges were dropped. It was decided in court that the cop isn't crooked. He's just lazy as balls. So the dude kept his job. That's good they were reasonable about it. I can respect that, I guess. Just don't do it again, Dude. Imagine the luck if he found somebody else that hated paperwork as much as him, and that's why they dropped the charges. Like, God, we're going to fill out a lot of forms. This sounds miserable.

It's not worth the time. Just don't do it again. He kept his job. Kept his job. I wonder with AI and whatnot if it's a lot easier now, if the cops are using that. You know, like they use it like your doctor's office or something. Yeah. Because you've had that too, right, Ashley?

Yes, they asked me. We both learned about it from the pit on HBO. Yeah, they ask me every time at the doctor office, too. Can we record this and then AI writes up a summary? Yeah, but they like have to explain to me what it's doing. And I hate, like, and I just want to like get to the, you know, get to why I'm here. And I'm like, I understand what AI is. It's cool.

It's cool. Do whatever you want. Hey, Josh. Yes. Bug-Ey wagon Jesus has alerted us to the fact that two icons who are unfortunately now a year gone by a year ago they died. Ozzy Osbourne and Hulk Hogan. Both died this week a year ago.

We were wrong. They did do a song together. And I can even play it for you here on my ukulele. Hogan and Osborne did this one, according to Bug Eye Wagon Jesus. Because brother, brother, I'm coming home. How did we forget that one? Brother, I'm coming home. Thank you, bug-eye wig.

I had forgotten all about that one. A lot of times it's the ones that are right there that you can't think of. Now I want somebody to make that compilation. Yeah. Maybe AI can make that for us. That's brilliant. Bug-eye wagon, Jesus, you ain't so bad after all. No, he's got some funny stuff.

I thought you were stupid. No, you did. I did. At first I thought you were stupid. Is that the guy you thought was stupid? Yeah. Yeah, I was telling you about him. He's not. That's freaking good. Here's another one of those stories where you might question how in Christ's name we got here. How did this become a thing? But it has become a thing. The story comes off very American.

But it actually came our way from Thailand. Let's play the guessing game. And Ashley and Dana. I think they can nail this. A 22-year-old kid out that way. What did I say? Thailand. He upped and confessed to deliberately starting a forest fire in his neighborhood. Because why, Dana and Ashley?

Go ahead. Why did he deliberately start a forest fire in his neighborhood? Dana, you go ahead first. Gosh, deliberately started a forest fire. I don't know. Some reason I feel like it's masturbation related. All right. He's going to say it has something to do with whack in his bag.

His parents shut the Wi-Fi off. Parents shut the Wi-Fi off. Good guess. Good guess. That's very good. Your guesses are wonderful, very creative. But it's much simpler than that. Maybe I should have told you. It's very simple. He did it because he was bored. And we've heard a few of those stories from right here in the United States of America.

This kind of idiotic line of thought has made its way to Thailand now. I mean, you both were close. He was bored. Maybe he forgot about masturbation, which can kind of kill time. Yeah. People have probably masturbated just because they were bored. He said he was looking for some entertainment. Yeah, and if the parents turned off the Wi-Fi, Ashley,

that could lead to bored him for some people. And then he wouldn't have been able to masturbate without the porn hub, so. He seems a little old to choose arson. How old? Twenty-two. Yeah, that's too old. I mean, around here, I guess the stories we've been hearing around these parts concerning this situation where someone starts a fire deliberately.

What we've heard around here is these are firemen who start the fire, and then they race back to the firehouse and play a quick hand to cribbage, and then suddenly the phones ring or whatever they do at the firehouse, right? They get the alert. Yeah. And then he goes, oh, my God, where? a fire, and so then he can take his shirt off and look hot in front of the... Be a hero.

Yeah, be a hero. All the chicks in the neighborhood are watching, and he can, you know, go to the bar, get a few free drinks. That's the gimmick we've been hearing. In this case, the kid in Thailand said he was just bored. Chaos Coordinator Sheez has had a great guess as to why he would start that fire. He saw a spider. Oh!

I'd understand that for sure. So I guess a pile of fires broke out here and there in Thailand. The police found Dickhead wandering around the area by himself, looking like a total jagoff. That's scary that he just did that out of boredom. Like what other malicious dark things are you going to end up doing just because you're bored? Hopefully this guy is out of opportunities at this point. But you're right.

I understand what you mean. How dumb. He's just wandering around the neighborhood. He had a pocket full of cigarette lighters on him. He couldn't give the cops a decent reason as to why he was hanging out in the neighborhood. And he admitted to starting the fires. said, quote, I just wanted to have fun. I had nothing to do. So I started a fire to get the forest rangers to put it out, said this 22-year-old sounding like a nine-year-old.

I guess it sounds fun to watch. I was bored. You didn't have anything to do. Thailand also has issues, it says, here, with whack-bag setting homes on fire for their own entertainment. Damn. I thought Thailand was a wild, lawless party. zone. How come folks are so bored over there, Josh, that they're lighting their own houses on fire? I don't know. I mean, that's like a, pardon the pun, but like a hot spot, a tourist destination. I've heard it's a relatively inexpensive vacation place. Yeah, I thought a guy could still get a rub and a tug in Thailand for a dime. If that's true, why is a 22-year-old so bored? If I was a 22-year-old in Thailand, that's all

I'd be doing is running downtown to get a rub and a tug. Maybe he's the guy that gives out the rubs and tugs and business has been slow. I'm not sure. Where does a guy go in this town to get a quick rub and a tug? Where do you even find something like that? Is there like a... Do we talk about that once? There's like a website? Is it just dark...

I mean like backpage dot... Well, maybe I shouldn't throw it. I want to say the thing was called rub maps. Oh, that's right. Yeah, and... What'd you think the cops would be on to that? Yeah, you think. A rub map.

You get to Josh's mother's house. Do you know what happens? You know what happens? What happens? When you look at Rub Maps, when you're at Josh's mother's house, it just says, you are here. You have arrived. I had a feeling those texts we're going to show up, and you did it. I can't believe it.

I don't know. It's ukulele Monday. There are no rules. Oh, yeah. A lot of my mom stuff coming in. What do we got here real quick before we go? Just a derelict to pop to spring, I guess, in South Carolina, a grown man. Okay, this last guy was 22 years old.

The guy we talked about from Thailand. He's 22, starting for. fires because he was bored. Sounding like a kid. Here's this guy in South Carolina, a grown man. He looks to be 35 or something like that. Went off on some kind of vandalism spree like he's an 11th grader. He busted up all the mailboxes in town.

Oh yeah, we did that. But we were 17. This guy's 35. He busted up all the mailboxes in town. Matter of fact, he hit a few different neighborhoods. He did. And I guess this is where the comedy kicks in at one point or another. This overgrown 11th grader tossed a dead possum up onto somebody's porch.

And I guess that homeowner was all like, why was I the guy to get the dead critter? Yeah, why mean, why? I would wonder that kind of thing. Why did I get the critter? What did I do? Poor possum. So the local cops ended up smashing this guy's teeth in and they put the peckerhead under arrest. 35 years old.

He had one of those meltdowns. he just ruined everything he could get his hands on. A friend of mine gave a dead squirrel to a girlfriend for her birthday. Why? He didn't go over. He's just kind of messing with her as a prank. It got to be funny. He didn't go over as well as...

Was this in sixth grade? Is he a serial killer? No, this was, yes. No, this was in high school, and he just wrapped it up for her. And here you go. I could see it being... Happy birthday. I could see it being funny in grades.

No. Grade school, that would never find that fun. No, that is always scary. What was it like a taxidermy? It was not taxidermy. It was just a dead place girl. Dude, that's, that is absolutely terrified. And he didn't tell any of us he did it.

That makes it so much worse. As she opened it, all of us found out there was a dead squirrel as a gift. My dad and one of his ice fishing buddies pulled off one of the coldest things I'd ever seen in my life when I was a kid. My dad and his pal were fishing and there was a guy who's, fish house was a little ways across the lake by the name of Donnie. And my dad and his buddy said, you know, it's Donnie's birthday today. And they said, oh, yeah, we should get him something.

And I'm sitting there as a little kid going, well, what are you going to get him? We're in the middle of a lake. We're ice fishing. What are you going to get Donnie? Well, we'll make him something. I said to myself, well, what are they going to make him? And then my dad's buddy took a dump in a pile of newspaper and taped it up and brought it over to Donnie's fish house.

And it was terrible. And they were adults? Yeah. Terrible. That is terrible. My dad didn't do anything. He was just like, what? you're really going to, and his buddy took a dump on some newspaper.

They folded it up, taped it up. Hey, Donnie, happy birthday. Donnie said, oh, thanks. How did you guys know it was my birth? You want me to unwrap it now right here in front of you? Well, that's very, and there was a big poop in the middle of the damn thing. How do you take it? Didn't take it well at all.

It was disgusting. No, he was pretty gross. He was horrified. Some people loved poop humor. It was horrified. He probably ruined his birthday. Going back to that kid in Thailand, people wanted me to play this song on the ukulelele. We didn't start.

fire. It was only burn until the world's been turning and no, we didn't start the fire. Woo! Billy Joel in 1989. Sports on the 93X half-assed morning show. There was a WWE show over the weekend and a couple of members of the New York Knickerbockers got involved in the show. Jalen Brunson was there. I forgot he helped Roman Reins do something. but what you heard right there was Carl Anthony Towns. He ended up cubby, he ended up chokeslaming some fools, helping out Danhausen.

He looked pretty good doing it too. He chokeslam those guys better than people who get paid to chokeslam people for a living. It was good. Yeah, it was very impressive. He's a big, tall guy, you know. It looks great when the chokeslammer is a little bit of a taller individual. He can get him way up in the air. Yeah, and he looked like it was effortless.

Yeah. He did a great job. These videos are up on 93x.com. Carl was there. Dana, what is Danhausen's cloning machine? He has a cloning machine, and that's how the mini-hausens came to be. There's the short people mini-housins that run around and help him out too. And he has a cloning machine, so he put a stuffed cat in there, turned on the cloning machine,

and then Carl Anthony Towns emerged from the cloning machine. Oh, that's funny. So he became cat-housin. Yes. That's great. It's so silly, but so much fun. I was dying laughing. What's his nuts again, Danhausen?

He's really taken off over there in the Double-E. But there you go. Jalen Brunson, Carleney, Anthony, even Tyrese Halliburton was there doing their thing with the boys in the squared circle. Twins lost yesterday by nine runs. They got thumped pretty good by the Chicago Cubs. And they lost two or three in the series

as they're getting started here in the second half of the season. season. Not a good start for Zebby Matthews. Tonight the twins are in Ohio. They got to start a series with the Cleveland Guardians. Joe Ryan on the bump for the twins. So here we go with that second half. Spain won the World Cup soccer tournament. Lots to cover in a half hour when Randy Shaver ducks in. Don't go anywhere because Cubhausen or Joshhausen. I don't know which one has the better ring to it. He's going to go ahead with his news report. We'll be back in couple of minutes.

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With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bealkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-A-L-L-E-L-E-L-A-L-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-L-E-V-V. Back to that guy that so many clones wish that I still was. And do not embarrass the entire country. Now, I can go back. I can get there fast. Lose tonight. And you've got a real problem. Do not blow it. The Jim Rome Show podcast.

You've been warned. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. F-S morning show. Due to some sexual content, parental discretion is advised. On 93X. Anyone that has an ill intention of invading anyone's privacy, it could target any business, any location. A pervert was busted after planting a hidden camera beneath a sink

inside a California Starbucks restroom, and cops fear the sicko may have brewed up this brand, of bad behavior before. It captured two victims, a middle-aged adult female victim, and then an older adult male victim. We were glad that the employee noticed it right away. The disturbing device was discovered by a coffee shop employee about 930 a.m. June 9th, tucked directly under the sink, a chilling fine that left locals rattled about using

public restrooms. It's just a strange and awful. You know, I might just hold it until I get home. Not a bad idea. But they said he got to look at some mature action. Yeah, a couple of them. Yeah. That was the goal.

San Jose police believe the camera was running for about 30 minutes, just long enough to capture two unsuspecting patrons making poopies and peepees. Not good. Not good. I mean, that's a privacy. This is the first time I've heard somebody has done this. Investigators got their breakthrough automated license plate readers, which helped lead them to 38-year-old David Perales. A man, detective's fear, may have put his perverted energy into targeting other public locations as well. Well, he might have multiple cameras in multiple buildings.

He likes watching people go to the bathroom. Potty. Some people are drawn to it. A trip to a Missouri weed dispensary got ugly when an argument over stolen underwear ended with a black eye and a felony. Deputies responded to a report of a domestic assault and found the victim waiting outside the residence. The man told deputies he and his girlfriend were on their way to the Flora Farm's dispensary

when he made what was in hindsight a bad conversation choice asking why she'd gotten into a vehicle with a man who'd stolen her underwear the day before. According to the statement, that line of questioning got her missing panties in a bunch, answering with her fists, and said of her words, swinging at him three times and landing all three punches, square in the unlucky bastard's right eye. Although she denied the panty assault, her claims didn't pass the sniff test, deputies photographed injuries consistent with his account. The argument left more than a black eye.

It also left a big skid mark on the criminal record of hers as well with another court date later this month. So wait a minute. Someone stole her underwear? Yeah, and he asked, well, why would you still talk to this guy? And she punched him three times in the eye. I think that's a reasonable question. Why did she do that? I don't know. She was hiding something, I guess. And how did he steal her drawers?

Don't know. Huh. A lot of questions remain unanswered. A Welsh man's bad night at the bar didn't end. with another round. It ended with a stolen bulldozer, a flattened car, and a pub with a gaping hole where its porch used to be. Thirty-five-year-old Daniel Morgan was drinking at a pub in Wales when talk turned to his crumbling marriage. Oh, no. He didn't take it well. He stormed out, phone in hand, and started firing off text to the bar owner, Christopher Common, that were anything but

normal. He wrote, Be careful. You can't stop a dozer, and it'll be a drive-thru. It'll be a drive-thru. common had no idea what to make of it he figured morgan was just venting and let it go he shouldn't have while common was struggling off or excuse me shrugging off the text morgan was already speeding toward his father's farm not to cool off but to fire up a bulldozer security cameras caught the whole thing morgan rolling the machine off the property and straight into his brother's car flipping it like a toy what a dork with drunk patrons scrambling out of the way morgan aimed the bull at the pub itself, tearing through the front porch and outer walls. Total damage?

About $29,000. And he wasn't done. Morgan turned the machine toward a property where more of his family were staying. That's when his father, Philip, jumped into action, racing ahead to warn the family, then trying to block the road with a truck and trailer. That didn't work. Morgan just drove the bulldozer straight over the vehicles and kept rolling.

So Philip fought fire with fire. He climbed into a digger of his own. and he rammed the bulldozer's cab and hard enough to finally bring his son's rampage to a halt. Turned into some kind of a heavy machinery showdown. It sounded kind of cool, actually. Yeah, I'd watch that. At sentencing, the judge praised the dad's courage for stepping in and stopping his son before things got even worse. This guy was looking to kill everybody.

Sounds that way. Yeah, he did have a temper. An Arizona man must have mistook an excavator for a heavy-duty party bus, taking a drunken joy ride which left a path of destruction. through Detroit Lakes, Minnesota. Sunday, June 21st, officers were called to the Fairfield Inn and Suites in Becker County after reports a drunk man was operating an excavator, making a compelling case for ignition interlocks on construction equipment.

When law enforcement spoke with 30-year-old Phoenix residents Alex Prescott Hanson, he admitted he'd tried driving the excavator, adding that he'd been at a party at Sorba's earlier that day. After demonstrating his remarkable skill at making insurance, claims Prescott Hansen was arrested and given a preliminary breath test where he blew a 0.175. Detectives later spoke with a manager at a nearby hotel who said that he watched Prescott Hanson drive off in the excavator, which had originally been parked in front of the lakeside restaurant. The heavy equipment then carved out a path of destruction, knocking over a brand-new light pole,

chewing up some sidewalk, and lumbering toward Hub 41. There, the excavator damaged a handrail and destroyed a sculpture, causing about $40,000. and damage to the business alone. Apparently, not satisfied with that demolition derby, the excavator then made its way to the Fairfield Inn entrance where it damaged the hotel's haunting. He's now looking at charges for DWI and felony property damage. Oh, we've got some folks who just can't keep it together.

I guess not. What's this guy from Phoenix doing in Detroit Lakes? Wedding? Not sure. A thief's grand heist at the Malax County Fairgrounds last week went down in flames. Quite literally, according to fare organizers, the suspect swiped a massive water truck

just after 5.30 p.m. Wednesday. The joyride was short-lived, however. Oh, Christ, what if I want water? A lot of people do. I've heard people chant about it. The driver quickly crashed the truck at the fare service gate before smashing

directly into a pole at the main entrance. Security footage, shared by the fair, captured the immediate aftermath of the blunder, showing the large red truck, billowing smoke, after the moment of impact. The good news, no one was injured in the collision. Even better news, fair organizers say repairs to the front entrance were already underway, meaning there will be no impact to the fair schedule or operations.

The fair is still going on? It's still going to happen. All right, good. August 5th through August 9th. What did he even want? Like, with the water? You got like a pool to fill? No one knows what this guy was up to.

Just out of his mind. A Rochester woman with a sudden pension for public property damage is back behind bars. Less than two weeks after police say she turned Peace Plaza into her personal peculiar plant-pulling spree. You may remember this story. The 42-year-old was originally arrested July 5th after ripping out and destroying 174 plants in and around Rochester's Peace Plaza, racking up an estimated $10,000 in damages. So destructive. Everyone is so destructive these days. A lot of temper tantrums.

Her next chapter moved indoors, or at least indoors adjacent. Shortly after her release from custody, she allegedly stirred up another round of plantimonium Monday morning at a downtown Rochester restaurant. Staff told police she was simply walking by on the sidewalk when she stopped, picked up about a dozen plates, smashed them on the ground one by one. When an officer told her she was being detained, she tried to walk away. The officer moved into handcuffer, prompting her to say, let's do it. What do you mean by that?

I don't know. That's kind of cool. I mean, I could go a couple different ways, right? Before attempting another getaway. Though police eventually got the cuffs on her and led her to a squad car, she wasn't done fighting. As she was being placed inside, she sunk her teeth into the long arm of the law, biting the arresting officer's bicep. Somewhere between one woman's botanical breakdown and a fresh round of arboreal sabotage.

Arboreal. It's been a rough stretch lately. for public greenway, greenery that is, in Minnesota. A St. Paul Park's nonprofit is offering a reward to find the culprits who once again vandalized newly planted trees along Shepard Road. Come on. Now there's a $5,000 reward for information leading to the buttholes responsible. I've never ever heard anyone say arboreal out loud, dude.

Me either. The trees. Awesome. Yeah. Totally awesome. The trees were reportedly snapped and stripped while some were uprooted completely and thrown into the river. Sadly, it's not the first time vandals have targeted trees... Thrown into the river.

In the area. Oh, my God. Similar incidents occurred last October and in 2024, with the repeat attacks costing the city tens of thousands of dollars. What is the effing problem? I don't know. Oh, jerks. I'll be dipped.

St. Paul is plunging into the dark temporarily. The city's pulling the plug on its persistent streetlight repairs. after burning through millions of dollars dealing with a copper theft epidemic that keeps flaring up like herpes at a frat house. It's pitch black over here. The street lights doesn't work, so no one wants to come around here. According to St. Paul Parks and Recreation, the city shelled out $2.5 million over the past few years to restore vandalized street lights. Yeah, just for it to happen again. Including $1.4 million last year alone. Yeah, it's very noticeable. What are we doing?

To put that in perspective, annual repairs used to cost about $100,000. thousand dollars a few years ago again now it's in the millions city officials say the surge and blackouts began in 2024 driven entirely by rampant theft and vandalism perpetrated by larcenous lungheads the situation got so brazen newly repaired light fixtures were being stripped of their copper just days after crews fixed them while crews have managed to slash the number of outages from two thousand lights down to 900 officials warned that the current pace of repairs is no longer financially sustainable. That's just enough to piss you off right there. The hardest hit targets from the main areas including Como Regional Park, Mississippi River Boulevard, and Phelan Regional

Park. I think they've got to outstmart the thieves. And there's some smart people in office. And eventually we'll figure out this light situation. Well, let's just go back to, you know, fuel lamps and things like that, maybe, like in the old days. The city is temporarily suspending many repairs until it can pursue a long-term funding solution. You get some kid to run around with a torch comes sunset and he lights them up and, you know, the old days, Josh. It does kind of suck to think that there'd be a line item on your property taxes that says dirtbag stealing stuff, having to pay something extra for that. Cobblestone roads.

And Eden Prairie Man's facing felony theft charges after allegedly lifting thousands of dollars worth of dumbbells. The strange case began when police were called by the property manager on an apartment building. They reported multiple sets of pricey dumbbells that disappeared from the complex's fitness center, leaving a noticeable iron deficiency of about $2,300 from the gym's inventory. Is this guy trying to get yoked? It's weird. No, I think he's trying to make some cash, allegedly. Oh, yeah, duh.

A witness later told investigators they spotted a man walking away with the heavy weights and overheard him drop a blatant clue. He said he was going to sell them to a friend. Oh. When detectives tracked down and. interviewed the 48-year-old suspect. He allegedly admitted taking the dumbbells, but only after first claiming he genuinely believed the weights,

keep in mind on a public rack, keep in mind at his apartment building, belonged to him. To him? Yes, he thought they were his. Right. He made the mistake. Why? Why? When somebody told you that? You could see how somebody might make that mistake.

Yeah. Realizing he was in a tight spot, the suspect told investigators, he already sold the equipment and begged for a chance to track it down. to avoid facing charges. What the hell's wrong with this guy? Police decided they threw him a lifeline.

They said, okay, fine. They tried to recover the stolen dumbbells several times before pursuing charges. On three occasions, the suspect allegedly said he needed more time to retrieve them. They gave him the old three strikes policy. Then according to the charges, he stopped responding altogether. That decision may prove heavier than the dumbbells themselves. He has his first court appearance later this week. That's just embarrassing.

That is embarrassing. I stole all the weight from the workout area. What? Why? It's a take a minute, too. I thought they were mine. I didn't know all stealing them. Good God.

That's an interesting one. Just a massive loser is all that dude is. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder. On the half-ass morning show. Hokes it in. Williams battling knocks it down. For the second time. Randy Shaver and Brad Rider, the Spanish people.

The Spanish people won the World Cup of Soccer tournament. They did. Yes, they did. Congratulations. Where does this tournament rank among all of the past World Cups that you've seen in your lifetime? Geez. Yeah, tough one, isn't it? Yeah.

I'd have to have seen more than one World Cup to be able to rank it. Well, so then number one, right? Probably. By default. You've got to rank at number one. Yeah, by default. Most importantly for you, Randy Shaver, England beat France in the third place game. Yes, and we had tickets, but we decided not to give them.

Did you guys give away tickets? We had them, Josh, gave them away at a bar gig. There you go. It wasn't easy. Not a lot of takers. England beat France in the third place game. It was a wild game, six to four. Okay, Mr. Soccer, Ophistiano, Dana, why do they have a third place game?

in this thing. Why did anything happen in sports money, Brad? Money. Money? Money. Yeah, who else still hosts a third place game? That's about it, I think, the World Cup. Well, no, wait a minute.

What about Olympic hockey? Oh, yeah, bronze medal game. You have to sell. Well, yeah, you get a medal for that. I mean, do you get a medal for winning third place? Yeah, yeah, you get a medal. Yeah, they give you a medal and a lollipop. They call it a bronze medal.

Do they not in the World Cup? I believe so. So Olympics. World Cup of Soccer. There's a few other tournaments. I mean, even the WCHA Final 5 used to have a third place game. That's where the joke started. 20 years ago on this program, we were trying to give away third place game tickets to the WCHA Final 5,

and Randy Schaeber just wet his pants. He couldn't believe that we were giving away third place game tickets. I think that's all we ever got. It was just the third place. Not the championship game, the third place game. Yeah, just the third. Or the semifinals. We didn't get the semifinals either.

It says here now, let's go back to that third place game in the soccer tournament, like Dana was saying. In the third place game, it featured something you wouldn't expect from a soccer game. Excitement. England defeated France 6 to 4, it says here, which is like an NBA final score being 749 to 643. But here's what threw me, because I couldn't give two pumps about the actual soccer. I had forgotten about this, but I know we discussed it months ago.

I think during the championship game, they had a massive halftime show. Now, I didn't see any of it, but I'm reading this morning. They had a massive halftime show featuring Madonna. For, yeah, 13 seconds, I think is how long they said her performance. Yeah, most of it was pre-recorded, and then she kind of walked out onto the field and was there for 10 seconds, and they moved on. Okay, Madonna was there. Shakira, Justin Bieber.

and according to what I'm reading, also starring in, was this yesterday, the championship game, also starring during the halftime show, Dr. Teeth and the electric mayhem from the stinking Muppet show. Sure was, animals out there on the kit, slamming the drums. I did not expect to see that. I knew all the other acts were announced that it was going to happen, but I was not expecting to see the Muppets show up. Yeah, I thought years ago, that wouldn't make any sense. Like I said, I thought months ago we discussed the possibility of Madonna performing at the silly World Cup of Soccer halftime show.

I didn't hear word one about Dr. Damn Teeth. No. Or the electric mayhem with Floyd and animal lips. What was the lady's name in the band? Janice. There you go. Oh, she was spicy. Oh, I thought she just looked completely stoned and worn out, Janice.

You thought Janice was hot? Yeah, absolutely. How does she look now? Does she still look just bakes out of her mind? Oh, really? They've aged well. Yeah, they all look the same. And there was a whole other pile of Muppets out there.

What the hell was a connection with the Muppets? I had no idea. I have no idea. Kermit was there. Miss Piggy was there. Elmo, Cookie Monster, the Count? All present. I wish I would have watched this.

Maybe I can find this online. I'd like to see what the Muppets had to offer. That's very exciting. It was a tough booking. They're usually pretty booked up. Right. Oh, yeah. You got to book them out years in advance.

We're talking about Dr. Teeth? Yeah. Yeah. They're doing a residency at the sphere soon in Las Vegas. Oh, man. Opening up for Metallica, maybe? No, Metallica's opening for them. Oh, Christ, I'd go see their show.

Yeah, it would too. I don't know why we're being all sarcastic here about Dr. Teeth and the electric Mayhem, these characters are living, they're living legends for Christ's sake. All right. The winning ball club, the Spanish club took home $50 million. $50 million.

I had no effing idea. It's a good walking around money. Argentina got $33 million for second place. Jesus, balls. So I wonder if this is like the other pro sports where they get to vote each other shares and then each, you know, if each player gets a full share, they get X amount of money. Hell, I have no idea, Brad Rider.

Yeah, I don't know either. I don't think any of those guys are really too worried about paycheck to paycheck. FIFA, this crooked operation who runs these soccer tournaments, paid out a total of $655 million in prize money. Where the hell did they get all that money? Yeah, really. Tickets for expense. I mean, the tickets were insane to start with.

104 matches, all sold out. Plus, FIFA has to take their cut. Oh, they get their cut. Yeah. I don't know anything about it, but that sounds like that's way more money than I anticipated will be thrown around during a soccer tournament. I'm sure Fox paid a couple of bucks for the rights to broadcast all of this. I assume so. It's over now.

You got to get over it, Josh. It's all done. I'm fine. I love soccer more than any other sport, but I do feel bad if somebody who's like, hey, you know, I'm new to soccer. I might check out this World Cup final because it was both. Boring. I'm sorry, what was boring? Oh, was it?

The final. The final. Argentina didn't have a shot on goal until extra time. Yesterday's game sucked. Yeah, it was boring. Yeah, Nick, you could have played goal for Spain and throwing a shut out. I could do that maybe even with a healthy amount of shots on goal. Well, it's pretty good.

Pretty good at that sport. Pretty pretty good. Back to Dr. Teeth. Yeah, what did they play, Josh? Do you know? Seven Nation Army. Can't you play that song? Seven Nation Army.

Oh, earlier on. Yeah. Hey, Randy and Brad, welcome to ukulele Monday. All right. Josh gifted me a ukulele. He meant to give it to me for Christmas, but he busted a spring last week and let the cat out of the bag. He couldn't hold it. We started talking about ukulele's last Friday, and he said, I can't hang on to this information anymore.

He said, I got you a ukulele for Christmas. but now that we're talking about it, can I just bring it in on Monday? And I said, yes, thank you. What a wonderful gift, Josh. This is a beautiful instrument. It is. That's really nice, actually.

And so I've been taking requests all morning. You guys got any requests for me on the ukulele? Well, do Seven Nation Army in honor of the Muppets. I'm going to Wichita. I'm going to Wichita. That's a Seven Nation Army as sung by Jesse Ventura. That was perfect. Oh, man.

Combine that with, Josh is a horn playing, and I'll bet that's pretty good. It's a saxophone, Randy. There you go. I've been singing songs all morning, taking requests. I'm getting better. Maybe we should see if you can open up for the rescheduled Creed concert in September. I would love to do that.

Yeah, it might be tough. You want to play name that tune real quick, Josh? Sure. I've been taking requests. I've played a little bit everything this morning, but I like playing a little bit of, little name that tune where I'll play the song and you name it. Okay. I haven't quite mastered tuning this son of a bitch yet. That's a later lesson. Oh, here's one, Josh. Here's a request. Is that Uncle Tom's Cabin? That's right. Uncle Tom's Cabin by Warrant. You're good.

1990. Right. Here, name that, name this tune. Can we turn down the background music? Yeah. When the fantasy has ended. And all the children are gone. Something good inside me helps me to carry on. I ate some bugs. I ate some grass. I used my hand to wipe my tears.

To kiss your mouth, I break my vow. No, no, no, no way, Jose, unless you want to. And then we break our vows together. I thought I said to turn down the background music. Throw me off. Encaronacionio, do-de-l-l-l-l-de.

Encaronioio. Okay, so name that tune. I'll never get it. Encaronacion by Nacho Libre. Well, the twins made a good first impression in their weekend series. against the Chicago Cubs. They won game one on Friday, but that was it. That was it. Cubs won the next two.

Yesterday, the twins got smoked by nine runs. A Cubs pitcher by the name of Shota Imenaga. Pitch seven shutout innings. Feller called Nico Horner, drove in four runs in yesterday. So it's the first series in seven or eight or something that the twins were not able to win. That's correct. Not a good start for Zebby Matthews. He allowed, oh God, 10 runs.

Ten runs. Eight of them were earned in three. Tonight the twins are in Ohio for a four-gamer against the Cleveland Guardians. That's a big one. Series of the year. I'll say it. Yeah, this is a big one. They need to win three out of four here.

Let's see what the boys can do against a division rival. Joe Ryan squares off against Tanner Bybee? Tanner Bybee. And Buck could be back in the lineup tonight, they say. Yep. people are threatening to destroy my ukulele the way john balushi did to that acoustic guitar an animal house they're threatening the yuk josh too awesome i think maybe it's too awesome for them so yeah kind of a uh a disappointing series i guess in chicago the cubs are a good ball club sure they are

well and it's not necessarily because you know the end of the season is coming but because the trade deadline is coming and we've talked about this a lot that they they need to be in a position right a week or 10 days from now where they have a realistic shot and if they don't you know what's going to happen they just need clarification i mean this series against cleveland will more than likely help them clarify where they're sitting when they come back home they're playing a couple of teams they should be able to have success against in the A's in Kansas City. But if they flounder in Cleveland terribly and they fall, I don't know, three, four, five games back in the wild card, I think the writing's on the wall at that point. Friggin Cleveland. Starts tonight. You're right.

So there's a lot on the line this week. The twins are not expecting David Festa or Mick Abel to pitch again this season. That's too bad. Especially for Mick Abel. His right elbow gave way on him back in April. He looked pretty good. David Festa suffered a right shoulder and tricep

injury during spry. I had totally forgotten about David Festa for the record, but they made it official, I guess. Neither one of those some bitches are expected back. Yeah. But Abel showed a lot of problems. You know what pitcher is no longer? Speaking of the Cubs, the twins got just got done playing a

series with. Josh, you know what pitcher no longer has a contract with the Chicago Cubs? Is this the guy with the goofy name? Aaron Bummer. That's a buzz killer, a flatliner, or is there another word that applies when it comes to getting bad news like that? Can't take a one. Aaron Bummer.

Sucks to be him right now. He lost his gig with the Cubs. He's a left-handed relief pitcher in general. He'll get another shot, but I can't help to admit that that kind of cracked me up. Aaron, bummer. Otani's out. Well, at least as far as pitching goes.

Did you know that? I don't think the Dodgers are... Is that bone your fantasy football team, Randy Shaver? Not my football team. I don't think that the Dodgers are overly concerned about their pitching. They have so many great pictures. And Blake Snell has started a rehab assignment. he's likely going to be back in the next month.

I think the Dodgers are going to be just fine. I don't think they need Otani's bat more than they need him pitching. L.A. Dodgers manager, Dave Roberts, said that Shohei Otani won't be pitching for a while. His knee is still bothering him. And the Dodgers are going to be careful with it. He's expected to take the mound again at some point this season,

but they're saying not for a long while. On top of everything else, they have a really, deep farm system too. Oh, for sure. Oh, they got everything. And they're going to be active at the trade deadline, and they'll probably go out and get another starting pitcher and another reliever. Yes.

They got all the money in the world. They'll be just fine. Which is why baseball will be on strike next year. Yeah, exactly. Oh, right, right. I forgot about the strike is coming. Yep, yep. Let's talk a little bit about the bang bros.

That's the nickname I'm dumping on Anthony Edwards and Lamello Ball. I'm going with it. You heard it here first. The bang bros. The bang bro. What was the name of that cartoon again? Oh, I wish I could tell you now I forgot. Were they on the bang bus?

Right. I wish I could tell you the source and I've forgotten already. Sure, that was a funny video too. Last week I talked about these comedic basketball cartoons that my wife finds online and then she shows them to me. It makes fun of every team, every player. and I saw a video last week where Anthony Edwards and Lamello Ball roll up in a motor vehicle.

And I think in the video they're trying to talk LeBron James into joining them. Not only do they want LeBron to join the ball club, but come on and ride with us, Anthony Edwards and Lamello Ball say, come on, get in our car. We're going for a ride. And the vehicle that they're riding in is the bang bust. The one and only. So you heard it here first.

Edwards and Ball are the bang bros. I heard, now listen to this, I heard the two of them have been hanging out at Edwards' house, and they've been practicing how they can cut back on profanity during post-game interviews. That's really funny. Is that something you can work on at your house? Yeah, yeah. What are you talking about? They're doing mock interviews.

Yes, they're mock interviewing each other and trying to teach each other not to say the F word every other. That is so frigging funny to me. Oh, my God. because you know both of them are notorious for that. Oh, that is great. Just sitting around Edwards' kitchen practicing how not to curse. These guys, I mean, I hope there was much fun on the court as they seem to be off the court because we're going to have a great winner.

Yeah. The friggin' bang bros. They're coming to your town, Randy. I know they are. Thank you to the Brotherhood Riot Comedy. That's who puts together those basketball cartoons. Friggin' bang bros. got to do a promotion at Target Center.

They got to do something. Park the bang bus outside Target Center. Park that bang bus. Get Edwards and Ball to step out of it for the home opener, man. Let's have some real fun with this. Drive it onto the court. Yep. Oh, man.

Just stay tuned. Stay tuned. We'll keep you updated on the bang bros. It says, you're, by the way, that Anthony Edwards, bang bro number one. Anthony Edwards has accepted the idea that LeBron James won't be hired by the Timberwolves. He's coming to accept it. Timberwold.

The recruitment trip to New York didn't work out? I don't know. I don't think so. There's probably still a chance, right? Randy and Brad? I don't think so. What? Yeah, I don't think so either.

It's looking like it's going to be Cleveland or maybe Miami. You know what? You've got enough to talk about this winter, though. What are we talking about? Lamello ball will provide plenty of conversations. Well, yeah, now that he's teamed up. with his fellow bang, bro, yeah. Right.

So I don't think you need LeBron and that mix to have. Well, no, I mean, we don't need any more entertainment, but it's not as if we turn it down, right? It would be fun. No, sure. Yeah. So I guess Edward said to somebody recently,

he said, I have nothing to say about it, meaning where LeBron might play basketball, I have nothing to say about it because I've seen his top three teams and we're not on the list, he says. Yeah. I've seen his top three teams and we're not one of them.

Well, damn. But I guess I can't give up just yet. I'm not going to give up just yet. Covey, you're not giving up, are you? No, it would be fun. What other over 40s some bitch can we drag into the mix? Is there anybody else? Anybody else in the NBA that's over 40?

Where's Kevin Love? Kevin Loves. Well, we heard that, we heard a week ago or so that wherever LeBron goes, Kevin Love will be part of the, Kevin Love will be his plus one. All right, he's not 40 yet. Oh, he's not?

No, he's 37. Oh, damn. I would have thought over 40. Yeah, me too. Oh, me too. I think he came out after his freshman year, so he has been in the league almost 20 years, 18 or 19 years. He's got the gray-haired.

He's only 37? Wow. Well, I mean, not everyone's shoe polishes that stuff like you do, Randy Shaver. True. Some of us, yeah. And I think some of those Timberl's teams he played on probably took years off the back end of his life. Yeah. What took years?

Some of those Timberl's rosters he played on back in the day. Yeah, we went to a few of those games, didn't we, Cubby? Oh, David Kahn didn't really do him any roster favors there. David Kahn was a diabolical genius. Tage Gibson is 41. Tage, yeah, he's still on somebody's bench. I like Tage Gibson a lot. 41, is he?

Yeah. It's got to be somebody older than him. It says LeBron, James, and Gibson are the only two players over the age of 40 currently in the NBA. What about what's his nuts that just left us to go back to Australia? He wasn't 40 yet, Ingls. Oh, I don't know. He just looked like he was 40. Yeah, he had the bad hairline.

Yeah. Mike Connolly's 38. I was just looking him up. I love Mike Jr. East Wednesday, Jesus says we should call Dominique Wilkins. He still looks pretty good. All right, speaking of basketball. Holy balls, there was a lot going on with basketball players over the weekend.

Jalen Brunson and Carl Anthony Towns both got involved in a WWE program over the weekend and really got involved. Now, Jalen Brunson, he went out on to the, he went out, he walked that aisle to the squared circle. I think for the main event, he and Roman Rains, and they had a showdown with Seth Rollins, and Seth Rollins' partner for the evening was Tyrese Halliburton.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting. expecting that. They were playing the gimmick that Tyrese Halliburton is a heel because the show was in New York City. Yep. Okay. So the show was at Madison Square Garden. Let's bring in Tyrese Halliburton because he broke the Knicks heart in the playoffs

a year or two ago, right? So you had Rollins and Halliburton playing the heels with Brunson and Roman Reins. Rollins attacked Roman Reins. Brunson ultimately stood in the way. So Brunson got to play the hero role. Like, no, no, no. You're not going to Go any further with this. I'm Jalen Brunson. I'm the king of New York right now.

And that was cute. But the real comedy kicked in earlier in the night when Carl Anthony Towns and his new friend Danhausen. Ah, very nice, very evil. Headed to the ring. What happened was Danhausen created a character with his, what's the machine he uses? It's a cloning machine. He's been working on behind the scenes for weeks now. Danhausen fired up his cloning machine and he created a character called Cathausen. He'd been carrying around a stuffed cat in one of those little cat carrier type things, you know, a little kennel type thing, and he's slid the kennel into the cloning machine and then a bunch of smoke, a bunch of pyroes, explodes, the door comes off and outmerges Carl Anthony Towns.

That's so funny. Similar to what you see Stewie do on Family Guy with his time machine. So Danhausen created this character, Cathausen. and Cathausen went to the ring and dumped a couple of fools on that stack of dimes they call the neck. Kathausen delivered a couple of choke slams in the ring. It's so funny. Well, these guys are having fun, aren't they? Yeah, they are.

That's what happens when you win the whole smear, man. You get a telephone call. You're going to appear on everything before the year was out. I was about to say, I can imagine behind the scenes. And they played the straight guys really well. I watched the video clips, they all did a great job. But I can imagine the phone calls behind the scenes, how excited those guys were to do that.

Because all of those guys, all those athletes think that they can do another sport. They all do. They think that they can pull it off. And a lot of them love wrestling a lot. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And Towns could pull it off. He looked good.

Yeah, yeah. Carl did all right. He did. He slammed. I'm not familiar with J.D. McDunna, but I am familiar with Dominic Mysterio. Both of them were choke slammed by Cathausen. I just watched that for the first time.

That's pretty funny. Now, Carl and Jalen Brunson both kept their sunglasses on, I think, to contain, to try to hide their facial expression, because I'm sure they were smiling with their eyes, but they want to try to stay straight and serious about it. Good idea to keep the sunglasses on. They probably didn't even have to pay those guys to do that. They probably did.

No, hell no. I mean, sure, a lot of athletes. think they can excel at other sports. I mean, let's go back to Bangbro number one, Anthony Edwards, right? We've seen all these funny interviews where he claims, that's where he started the whole A-1 from day one gimmick. I can play hockey, I can play baseball, I can play. But also, a great amount of them really do love wrestling.

I mean, I remember that was John Randall's favorite thing in the whole world. Yeah, guys over every Monday night. I was sitting down. I mean, I remember once being in the Vikings locker room in 1997, 8. being in the Vikings locker room trying to get some sound bites from players. And John Randall comes bolting out of the shower. Luckily, he had a towel on.

And the first thing he screamed to his teammates was, who's coming to my place tonight to watch WCW? And they love it. Randy, what's his name? The other guy on the program here this morning, Josh? Brad Wright. Brad Ryder. What the hell was his name,

that little point guard that kind of turned out to be a Dick. He played here for a few years. Jay-J. Borea. No, I love J.J. He was, don't ever say that about J.J. Burr. He came from Atlanta. Teague. Oh, Jeff Teague. Yeah. Were you working at the wolves when Jeff Teague? Did he express? Did he show his love for wrestling when you were?

Yes. Okay. I'll never forget being at a W.W.E. Show, house show, when Jeff Teague was an active player. And he was sitting a few rows behind me. And he had the most beautiful, airbrushed Brett heart leather jacket. Oh, cool. It was just beautiful. But he turned out to be kind of a dick. That's too bad. He doesn't deserve that jacket then. Take it back.

Jesus Christ, here's the... Here's a question for you, Josh. From a listener. You know who Dominic's dad is, right? Dominic Mysterio? I don't know. Randy Savage. Please.

Maybe they're joking. Maybe they are joking. So now, with all of this in mind, they're still setting up the idea of Tom Brady wrestling in the WWE, which is just so dumb. Oh, did you guys see the video? Yeah. Of course I did. They're starting to set it up with this. That was so embarrassing.

So over the weekend, what was this fanatics fest? What is that? It's a big sports convention. All the athletes get paid a bunch of money to go sign autographs and take photos with fans. Here's another listener who says, speaking of playing multiple sports, have you guys heard? of Bo Jackson? The stinger? Bo Jackson.

No, who's Bo Jackson? Get back to us. I had that poster, by the way. What did it say on it? Bo-nose baseball, Bo-Nose football. That's right. Okay, so over the weekend at this Fanatics Fest, idiot Tom Brady slapped one of those YouTube brothers across the face at some type of press conference.

Right? They were up on a stage. They're up on a stage. Yeah, they're doing like Q&As and things like that. Logan Paul. The other half of that YouTube brother team is Chris Paul. No, who is it? Jake Paul.

Jake Paul. Logan Paul got slapped in the face by Tom Brady. It was just terrible. It was just so awful. They maybe should have rehearsed that once or twice. And Carl Anthony Towns was there to separate them. Yes. It's awful.

But yeah, they should have practiced. But, you know, Tom Brady. he's not the guy for this. But anyway, Brady also posted after the incident, he posted something online calling Logan Paul a dork. Again, maybe they should have had a few trial runs at this. Right. Because it just really sucked.

He just kind of patty-caked him a little bit. It was very silly. Oh. When is this SummerSlam in town here? Two weeks. August 1st and 2nd. What are tickets looking like? They're not selling very well.

They're not. Oh, really? That surprises me. I suppose there's so many of those things now. Are they wildly expensive? They were. They're on sale now. Okay.

Give me an idea. Do you have any idea? Oh, I'm pulling it up real quick. I thought maybe you had already bought tickets. Are you not going to this, Dana? I was given tickets, so I will be going, but I didn't have to buy them. Where is the... The New Metrodome.

Oh. Oh, it looks like you can get in for 47 bucks. And then you can spend 350 if you want. See, that's where I was going with this. Wow. Okay, I thought these would be hundreds of dollars, which is why I was surprised by a text message I got this morning from a listener who says he landed $43 lower bowl tickets. Mm-hmm.

Hmm. I would have thought they'd be hundreds of, and they're not selling well. Doesn't that doesn't sound like a little. That's very interesting. I mean, there's probably, I don't even know what that would hold for an event like that. 60,000, 70,000. You got me. There's a lot of inventory available.

I've been to one event there. Well, maybe two. I've been to two events there outside of a football game, and one was a monster truck show, which, of course, you know, there's no floor seats at the monster truck show. But I went and saw Guns and Roses. I couldn't tell you, I'm no good at that kind of thing. I couldn't tell you. I couldn't estimate how many.

people were there. Someone said 70, 80,000? I'll go along with that. It's a lot more than the football game because you've got floor seating too. I wonder why they're not selling. I thought that combination of ticket prices and bad booking is what I've heard from people. Oh, the matches aren't great.

Oh. Well, we all know it's a damn shame that they've turned it into this two, three day effing marathon. Right. You're asking too much of people. I forgot it's two days. Yeah. So that, I don't know. I'm out of the wrestling loop. I am. So I don't know what the

hell to think about that. All right, I got a question for everybody and all of y'all. Oh, listeners you're texting in. Did you want to talk about this golf tournament? No. You don't? Really? No. Why not? Did it suck? No. No, there's nothing to talk. God. It was fine, but somebody who nobody really knows wanted. Oh, okay. Well, then F that. Yeah.

Well, this will get you perked up, I think. Should the NFL consider making field goals that travel more than 60 yards worth four points? Hmm. Now, this is a rule that the U.FL has used. Some current players and pro football Hall of Famers are at least intrigued by the idea. Yeah. Where do you go with that? Well, I mean, 60 now is almost like what 50 was 10 years ago.

Right. So maybe you increase that to like 63 or something like that. Because I don't think 60 is no longer a challenge. But it's not like it used to be. Where it was that way out there goal that hardly anybody could even think about doing. Yeah. Nowadays, how many 60-yard field goals did we see last year? Or even attempts, attempts at 60 yards or more.

I don't know. 20, 25. There was a lot of them. I'd say instead of making it worth more points, you put more risk on missing it, meaning maybe you let the opposing team if you miss it start on your own 30-yard line or something. I don't know.

Okay, let me give you this now. Let me tell you what I know. They've been doing this. I mean, four points would be intriguing because if you're down by four, then obviously the logic is you have to go for the touchdown. You can't even consider a field goal. So that would change some of that dynamic. But I just think that 60 right now is,

it just feels like that's going to be kind of the norm for a lot of these kickers. It's still a challenge, but it's going to be the norm. You might have teams, you know, on purpose trying 60-yard field goals. Right. And I'm not sure I'm on board with that. You know what, Brad Ryder, that's exactly what didn't dawn on me right away until I read a comment from, I can't believe this, Jan Stennerud is still alive? Oh, yeah.

Oh, he's got to be 90 years old. Someone look up the age of young. I don't think he's 90. Oh, he's got to be getting there. Got to be getting there. It's going to be the same age as the Viking. guys like, you know, like Ellard and Page and those guys, younger than those guys actually. Okay, well, let's check on that.

Jan Stennerud kicked in the NFL in the 60s and 70, even into the 80s. Yeah, he was a Viking kicker. Yeah, yeah, I'm well aware of that. 83. I thought he'd be older. Yeah. John Stennerud said, he was asked about this, he said, what he doesn't want to see is teams purposely bogging down their offense just to get in line

for a 60-yard field goal because they know their kicker can do it. You know, he wants it so teams are always going for a touchdown. A field goal should still be something that you settle for, was Jan Stennerwood's point. He doesn't want to watch teams purposely get to the 45-yard line and then say, oh, let's run it up the middle a couple times and kick a 60-yard field. You know what I'm saying? Well, maybe you do that if you have the chance to take the lead with a 60-yard field. But I don't see teams purposely bogging down in the middle of the game just to settle for a 60-yard field.

Well, if their running game isn't going anywhere and their passing game sucks, why wouldn't they, though? You put four points on the board. Yeah? At any rate. At any rate. What does this say? Jacksonville Jaguars kicker Cam Little set the NFL record with a 68-yard field goal against the Raiders last season. He also had a 67-yard field goal against the Tennessee Titans.

which holds the mark for the longest outdoor field goal in NFL history. Some kickers think it's a cool idea. A couple of coaches think it's a good idea. Do I think it'll ever happen? No. Oh, I wouldn't say never. I would never say never in the NFL. They do love to change the rules. Yeah.

You're right about that. But I think 60, like I said, I think 60, that number is 60. likely they'll it could be like 65 right because then it becomes something that is not everybody at least at this point

can do cam little can and there's probably one or two other guys that can but we'll see yeah it's intriguing yeah they do like to tweak things over there bastards a British dude has upped

and broke the record for the quickest anyone has run a smooth mile. Josh Kerr ran a mile in three minutes, 42.66 seconds. Jeez, that's cooking. Boy. Is it? I wouldn't know, Dick Triss. Yeah, yes. The previous world record had stood for 27 years.

That old record was 3 minutes, 43.13.13. So now it's 3 minutes 42.66. Very close. You're basically sprinting all out the entire way. You ever run a mile, Randy Shaver? What did you do? I ran a mile in gym class. Oh. Yeah.

No, I mean, when you were a collegiate runner, what was your specialty again? 400 meters. The 400 meter meter. Did you break a minute? Did I break a minute? Yeah. In the 400 meters? Yeah.

Well, of course I did. Shame on you. He met this weekend. I couldn't this weekend What is the average? What do you mean? What is the average? We were talking about the 400.

What was the 400? The 400. What is the average for the 400 meter meter? I don't know what you mean by average. What does the average person run? What are you talking about? What am I speaking Japanese or something? Well, I couldn't tell you what an average person would run.

I don't think the average person would like to even try to run that because it's not very much fun. I meant average for a runner for a effing. Forget it. A Division 1 athlete in the 400 meters can probably do something in like 40, what, 45, 46. Yeah. Well, Minnesota high school, a Minnesota high school kid this last year ran 46 something, which is phenomenal. That's what I was looking for.

Did your nipples ever bleed? No, not on purpose. Did you ever poop yourself? I did not. You ever come close? I threw up before I ran. Did you? I did that a few times.

Nerves? Yes. You don't seem like somebody who gets nervous. And I was right next to the guy who we basically finished one and two. We were both puking in the weeds before we both ran against each other. And you saw each other cacking. Yep. Side by side.

And then you went and ran and you finished one and two, huh? Yeah. That's a hell of a story. Some good bonding right there. No kidding. The loneliness of the long distance runner. What record, Josh? Boy, I don't know.

Seventh something of a... No. I don't know. No. It's a somewhere in time record. Ah. The loneliness. But you never did the mile, huh?

As a collegiate to... No. No. That would kill a guy. It would kill a guy. I can't imagine that. Oh, hockey. I know it's July, but I do have one hockey

note for you. The pigs announced the date and setting for the next hockey day in Minnesota. That's Brainerd. At friggin' B-I-R. Yeah. That's not a place for kids. Maybe in the winter time. Yeah. Middle of January, you're probably safe. January 30th of the year 20 and 27, they're going to Brainerd International Raceway for that hockey day in Minnesota.

That is no place for children. Probably been some children conceived there. Oh, God. You're not kidding. I've seen and done some things at BIR that'll part your hair for you. I wonder if the zoo still is crazy. It's been like a decade or more, probably more. It's been a few years for me.

Oh, God, yes, Josh. That'll never go away. Still the same. The craziness will never leave. Oh, yeah. There's no way you can dummy that down. They've tried. You know, they brought in real cops.

And that made a difference. It did to a certain extent, but you can never contain those people. That's what makes it so beautiful. So there you go. Anything else on a Monday, boys, Randy and Brad? Or there is something else. Well, there is golf this week.

It's at the 3M up in Blaine. Oh, yeah. And Scotty Schaeffler is actually taking part this week. Really? This is a big deal, huh? It is a big deal. It's a stop on the PG. tour and so Minnesota will be hosting the PGA this week.

Oh, boy. Yeah. Starts Thursday. Where do they play? Up in Blaine at the TPC? I don't know that joint. Also a place that's not quite fit for children, Blaine. Will you guys be running out to see your favorite little golfers?

I don't plan to, no. No, probably not. I'll pay attention to it. I imagine a few of my best. buddies a few of my buddies are into that nonsense they might want to go up there yeah yeah people have been wondering if i can if i can play that song from the jerk tonight i tonight you belong to me remember that one josh where steve martin and bernadette peters steves on the ukulelemy bernad peter's plays the trombone it's going to take me some time i'm getting i'm getting there

as you can tell listen i'm getting there on the ukulele but it'll be a while before i can play some steve martin would you sing the other half of that would you be bernad peters for me i'll to learn the lyrics, sure. Oh, man. We'll talk to you some bitches later. All right. Thank you, Randy Schaver. Thank you, Bradrider.

We'll return in a couple minutes here on the Half-Fast Morning Show. Ninety, three, thanks. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

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93X. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Welcome back to ukulele Monday here on the 93X-Hafass Morning Show. Thanks for being there. smashley's out she went home she wasn't feeling well Josh was it my ukulele songs that made her so sick not that I'm aware of smashley said I'm out she would never say that if that was the case she doesn't feel well I'm learning the ukulele nobody bets a thousand especially on an instrument as complex as the yucadam laili thank you again Josh he gifted me this ukulele of course

said he was going to wait till Christmas but he couldn't hold it so I've been strumming on it practicing a little bit this morning. You can send your song request to the telephone number of 651-9893-93. I've come up with, Josh, this morning I've come up with an alternate jingle

for Hogbauer Automotive. Oh, let's hear it. Which brings you the 93X Half Fast Morning Show every day. It's my first time performing it live. I've come up with a jingle for Hogbauer automotive. Chevy or Ford, GMC or Jeep, or Jeep.

They'll fix your ride, and it won't be cheap. It's not how much, but how much you got. Hogbower Automotive is the spot, Third Avenue and Main Street. This portion of the half-assed morning show is brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, conveniently located at Third Avenue and Main Street. Main Street. We've got the fairest prices in town.

What's the bill? How much you got? No, no, I'm asking how much the repairs are. I'm asking you how much you got. As you heard, all services are haggle-free. Look, I don't have time to play around, okay? So how much is it? All of it, boy. Mention 93X for our special on premium blinker fluid. Visit hogbower automotive.com, or I got ripped off at hogbower automotive.com.

It's not how much, but how much you got. Hogbauer Automotive is the spot. I'm a fan. I appreciate your support. Oh, wow. You want to hear about a couple of cute pranks that the godless internet people are trying out on one another? Some of those can be fun, right? We love a good prank around here, right?

And maybe it'll inspire, maybe it'll inspire one of our listeners to come up with something fun this week. It's a long work week, you know. Sometimes you've got to mix it up. Here are a couple of pranks that the godless internet folks, the social media types, are trying back and forth on each other. First is a work prank. Can you think of a good one that's been pulled here over the years, Josh, a work prank? I mean, there's some minor ones. I'm trying to think of a really good one.

Nothing comes to mind. I have to think about a little more. We've done a couple of on-air pranks over the years, but I'm talking about, you know, good-natured camaraderie in the office after. we get off the air type of stuff. I can't think of... Oh, I thought of one that didn't go over well. I thought it would. We worked with a woman.

This is back when our building was in Golden Valley. She had a real little car, like smart car size. Oh, yeah, yeah. And me and a few guys, we picked it up and moved it to parking spaces over. Thinking, oh, she'll think that's funny. But she didn't find that funny at all. She was furious. It was the complete opposite reaction of what I expected.

She was incredibly upset with us. and it wasn't like Was she a typical pain in the ass? I mean, I guess I What I mean is Did she show that she had a sense of humor From time to time? I guess maybe not

Or do you guys just make the mistake of picking on a stiff? Well, I can't say She wasn't like It had a riotous sense of humor But we thought she'd think it was funny enough Would I know this woman? Yeah. Write down her name for me real quick.

Well, that's cute. She drove some little roller skate type of a car, and you boys picked it up. Yeah, we thought she'd think it was kind of funny. You didn't hide it in the next neighborhood. No, it was like two spots down. You moved it two spots down. That's great. I would think that was very funny if I were even the owner of that motor vehicle.

Okay. Josh is writing down this lady's name. I have to know. Was she just a complete stiff all the time? Okay, you wrote it down. I don't remember her at all. Yeah, she didn't work there too long. Okay, don't recall.

Unrelated to the prank. We may have never met the two of them. You might not have. Okay. Here is the work prank that the social media dorks are pulling back and forth. This is cute. But I'd be nervous that somebody would bust a spring and go on some kind of a tirade. I agree.

This could be something where people don't come back. Right. These days people are so broken and we're so violent now that I could just see someone going bananas with a can of lighter fluid or something over this prank. But it's cute. I like the idea. The idea is you print off a fake list of employee salaries and wait for someone to find it. You're right. That could end very badly. I mean, I guess the best plan of action would be if there's someone in your office who does a lot of biching about their salary, maybe place that fake list of salaries right outside their office or somewhere where they often go.

Let's say they go to the lunchroom a lot. You try to get that character that pisses and moans about his salary or her salary. Get them to find it, and I would imagine the fireworks will begin. I've seen this in person. Somebody printed off their pay stub and forgot to take it. take it out of the printer. Somebody else saw it, was enraged. Oh, really?

Absolutely furious. The information was salary-related? It was a pay stub. Paste-up. So it wasn't like a list of who makes what. It was this particular person's pay-stub that they just forgot to take out of the printer. And it was legit. Yeah.

And it really pissed somebody off? Yep. Would I know that person? You'd know both people, yeah. Write that down, too. All right. If you don't mind. I love these old story.

I just can't recall. That just happened. That was just last year. So whoever originally posted the idea for this prank online encouraged anyone who does it to really make the salaries outrageous. Of course, of course. Yeah, that's what makes it fun. That's what I do.

When anyone is ever rude enough to ask me, hey, what do you make? Which is just the rudest question in the friggin' world. But there are people who think that's okay, who think that's normal conversation. What were you raised by? dogs? Why would you think that that's a normal question? We used to kind of have a thing you and I where if somebody would ask, we would throw out an outrageous number that we'd work out ahead of time so we could back it up.

Right. I would tell people a number that would almost make them vomit because usually if someone's asking you that question, they are, they're hoping it's less, there are a lot of people out there who can't stand to know that anyone makes more than they do. right? So usually someone who asks you that question, they're that type of person. They're just praying you don't make more than they do. So yes, when people have asked me that question in the past, I have amped the answer up to where I want them to puke. I want them to be disgusted by what they think I make. Okay. Oh, oh, okay, so Josh wrote down the names of

these people where one guy found the other's pay stub and it turned into a, a, horrible scene. Okay. Yes, I remember both of those people. And one was, one was even more ridiculous than the other, those two people. I can picture them both in that situation. Okay, so you print off a fake list of employee salaries and wait for someone to find it. That could be fun, but it also could go sideways in a big way. If you're going to have some real fun with this, they say, have the newest employee on your fake list making way, more than a long tenured employee. That is pretty funny.

Sure. But I've heard that's not super uncommon for that to happen, right? If somebody comes in and negotiate to salary, they work somewhere else, or hiring bonus that maybe you didn't get last year or something? I could see that being frustrating. Or make it so the boss is making so much money that, I mean, every regular Joe in the building comes on court. You know, because revolt against the boss?

Right. create some kind of a D&D Jesus said he actually feels the opposite. He if he asks a coworker he hopes they make more money so he could ask for a raise. Oh okay. But you don't actually go around asking people those questions

on a regular basis. Do you that? Do you? What do you make? What do you make? I can't imagine ever do I can't imagine ever asking anyone that. I don't think I've ever asked anyone that in my entire life. What do you make? Yeah, I haven't either. No. Especially someone that I work. with. I suppose, I mean, I know what my wife makes, but outside of that, yeah, I never asked.

I would have no idea. I have no idea what any of you make. We know what I make. Oh, I mean, I guess I should say, you and I have been together for so long. We do have the exact same contract. You're right. I forgot. I mean, I guess I meant I have no idea what anyone else in the building makes. Not at, no idea. No clue. And it doesn't bother me one way or the other. Good for them if they make them. It's not my problem. Okay. So that's, that's a lot of the work prank they've been talking about on social media. And I like it. Brace yourselves, of course. There's a lot of wackos out there. This one's a little more grade school. It has nothing to do with work. And it's a twist on the classic, write someone's number on the

bathroom stall with something similar to for a good time call Donnie. And you put their phone number in there. I've never pulled that deal off. I mean, we did one. put a buddy's name and number in the city pages, in the classifieds, something along the lines of, if you're interested in this bizarre, almost illegal sexual act, call this guy. And it worked. Did it? Yes, it worked. The guy's telephone was ringing off the hook with people thinking he wanted a ZJ.

So that's the one time I've done anything along these lines. We went into the city pages and posted a buddy's name and number in there, and it turned out to be great comedy. In this case, they say you put yourself in a porta potty, get yourself a Sharpie, and you write, oh, God help us, I want pictures of your poop. Gross. So gross.

And then you write down your friend's number. Now, okay, so this has been done. the dude on the receiving end said he's been getting poop pictures sent to him for over a year. A year. I want pictures of your poop, is what you're right,

and your pal's phone number. That's pretty cold. That is. You'd have to have a pretty good sense of humor. If not, I'd imagine you'd say it. You know what, F it, I'm changing my phone number. I watched the video of the guy who was on the receiving end of those poo pictures.

He goes, I just want to let you in on this prank my buddy's been pulling on me. And he did have a good sense of humor about it. He said he blocked a bunch of numbers, but, you know, more and more keep coming in. And just daily, he gets inundated with poop pictures. That is pretty cold. I could think of some less harmful ideas

than I want pictures of your poop. I don't find that funny personally. So I don't think I'd do that to anybody, unless I really hated them. I'm thinking more of a friendly prank. Maybe if I hate your guts, I might do that to you. I think I'd rather get D-picks. D-picks than poo-picks?

Yeah, just poop-picks grossed me out so much. And he said it was a construction site, too, where the Biff was that his phone number is left on. So he said that he saw some things. He knew when people had corn for dinner. Oh, that's what I mean. Gross. He blocked countless numbers, but there you go. Since it's a construction site, there are always new people in there all the time. God dang. The victim, or maybe the creator of this bit, said the prank. What makes it so perfect is the dude has no idea, okay, where this Biff is located, this Biffy on a construction site. So he can't go there and erase it. You know, if it was in one bar, you know, if it was in a bar bathroom, maybe the guy could swing by, but he doesn't know where this Biffy is.

He should just ask. I bet somebody would tell him. Oh, yeah. You know, or hey, I'll give you $20. Oh, good idea. Yeah, you get a picture of a big old deuce, and you text that person back and say, I will meet you and give me $500. How much you want? That sounds brutal. Josh, do you change your number if all of a sudden you were getting daily poop picks?

Ah, boy, if he's... Because that is a pain in the ass. He was saying it was a lot, right? I mean, usually you probably just block some folks. For a year. If it ruins one week, I could live with that. But we're talking $360. 65 days in a row.

I thought you guys did something funny with a classified ad when you were younger. Is that the liquor talking? What you might be thinking about is there was a guy who he, this was at a girlfriend's five-year reunion and everybody had the city pages with them. Like all the dudes had the city pages with them. And I didn't know why. And what I found out was there was a guy that showed up, like a big kind of muscular, good-looking dude.

And somebody had asked him to be a model. And what he didn't realize is he was advertised. like a chat line, a porn chat line. So that's what they used the picture for. And he had like a cut off sweatshirt and everything. It was a ridiculous photo. So maybe that's what you're thinking about. I felt bad for the guy.

He had no idea. He didn't ask enough questions. So those are the pranks that people have been trying out here lately. The social media crowd. Here's Hillman Welder Jesus texting in. He says as a welder, I've seen a lot of pranks being pulled. Tacking tools to take. So you go to pick up your hammer or whatever it might be, and the sum bitch is tacked to the table.

That's funny. Oh, this is a funny one from Moose Nuts, Jesus. He sent in a photo. And on the wall, it says, don't miss out. 2021 biggest turd contest. Send photo, too. It's terrible. Funny, I got to win turd of the year.

Hillman Welder says they also like to tack each other's boots down. That's a good one You bend over Try to put your boot I imagine you go ass over Applecart You bend over Put your foot

Is how you say it In the boot And it's tacked to the floor You just go sailing I mean I suppose now You could sign people up For every You know

Text alert You know like any newsletter That kind of stuff I got Craigslist Bombed by a coworker one time They put my number on a post And the post was A picture of a huge video game

Collection And it was as if it was a disgruntled parent saying, I'm sick and tired of my misbehaving kid. I'm giving away all of his video game collection. Text me at this number, you know, first come, first serve. And I got hundreds of text messages. That's funny. Yeah, that's pretty good. Yeah. I never done so. Yeah, I had to admit. I'm like, okay, this is annoying, but well played. Oh, wow. I mean, yeah, all the online, I mean, we don't support, you know, there's so much shady crap going on online. You know, don't go too far with this. But something like that is harmless.

enough and fun. There's so many routes you can take, sure, with text messages. I don't even consider that. Text messages and emails and things like that. You could really get out of control with this. That first one, though, with the pay does make me nervous, something terrible would happen. Yeah. But you know what?

People are texting in saying, we're obviously a different generation, that that's not so weird now where people share it just to make sure the company's not screwing everybody over. Yeah, I can understand that. Okay. And somebody else said, well, why do you consider it rude? and I guess I don't really know I was just kind of raised that way because I think people maybe judge you on that.

I don't, I mean, I didn't think it needed an explanation. That's just personal stuff in my opinion. You don't ask people personal questions up front like that. If you and I are strategizing, like say, we're about ready to negotiate our next contract and maybe we want to know what someone... In a similar position? Yes, thank you.

If we're doing that type of a research, trying to find out what someone in a similar position makes so we can better negotiate our next contract. That's one thing. But I'm talking about just walking straight up to someone and saying, how much do you make? Yeah, it's just person. It doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel right. Within the company, I understand what people are saying.

How much do you weigh? You know what I mean? You don't say those things to people. That's all. I didn't think it needed an explanation. It's just personal. All right, we're on our way out in a few minutes. You've been a great crowd.

thanks for supporting us here today on ukulele Monday we'll be back tomorrow on ukulele Tuesday it's tomorrow's ukulele Tuesday okay absolutely we got to talking about pranks a couple of pranks people trying to you know mix it up a little bit we're in the dog days of summer now cubby you got to mix it up now and again

change things up change things up now we don't advocate, if that's the proper word, these pranks. But here are some pranks that people have pulled on friends, co-workers. They text it in. They want us to know about it. We want you to be recognized for it. But again, you know, we're not advocating you go out. And like say right here, Josh, here's a listener who said he put his co-worker's car up on Craigslist.

What's he want for it? I'm looking for a new vehicle. Put his co-worker's car up on Craigslist. list and he said, dude was pithed. He could not figure out why so many people were calling him on the telephone.

How about a chip drop? A chip drop. I don't know what that is. The listener says, if you really don't like someone and want to pull a prank on him, order them a chip drop. Arborists he says are always looking to get rid of excess

wood chips. There's a website you can go to and type in your enemy's address and get 20 yards of wood chips dumped on their driveway. Oh, that would suck so bad. Don't do this to anybody. Don't. This listener does say, I may or may not have done this a few times. Oh, boy. It's called a chip drop.

Yeah. I hope somebody does that to me. Could you use some landscaping? I could use the mulch. You're in the market for a, uh, uh, uh, Now, some of you have put your pals up on dating websites and things like that. You've created a, what's the word in the business? Profile?

Thank you. You've created a profile for one of your bros and unknowingly put them up on a dating site. I do like the way this one turned out, though. Pinstryper Jesus said, I put one of my buddies up on a dating site, and I used a picture of him all swolled up from a bar fight. Just a dude's face was just tuned up, but he said he got chicks messaging him all the time. That's hilarious.

Well, there's something about that tough guy beat up look, right? That black eye. Right? Yeah, definitely. Black eye will get the chicks interested in you, Josh, because you look like you bend through some things. You look like a tough... You can handle yourself.

You can handle you. And take a beating. Remember when that guy broke my name? nose for me? Yeah. Jesus. Bob Balls, my phone was ringing off the hook when that guy broke my nose for me. That's just, dude was all tuned up up on the, and the chicks couldn't get enough of them on the dating site. How about back when magazines were everywhere? Here's a listener who says, one of his favorite pranks back in the day, well, as you get that little card out the magazine, yep, and you sign, someone you don't like, you sign them up for a subscription. And next thing,

You know, they've got 11 different magazines being poured into their mailbox every week. That's cute. Sure. This person says in the garbage industry, they hide their coworkers' cans and unusual places. Trees on roofs down the street, so on and so on. One garbage man puts another garbage man's can, garbage can, in a tree. That's hilarious. Now, here's a prank that was pulled on the fly.

By damn it, I had the name and I lost it. It's a female listener. She said she was at a Halloween party. and a drunk guy wouldn't leave her alone begging for her phone number pissing her off so she said okay I'll give you my number

I'll write it on your back dude was wearing a Halloween costume where he was shirtless so she said I'll write my number on your back what she actually wrote was send me your D-pix with his telephone number under it that's good

by the way people are saying these chips they drop off in your driveway, it's not good stuff you don't want it. Okay. That's pure garbage. So it's not as good as I thought it was. No, you don't want those chips. Nah.

One of our listeners signed a co-worker up for a home visit from the Jehovah's Witnesses. I had one of those. We set a prayer together. Oh, that's right. I remember that. Yeah. They came to your house. You were too nice to tell them

you weren't interested. And in the end, you had joined hands with these people to say a prayer. Yes. They were like, hey, what would you like to pray about? Put me on the spot. What did you decide to pray about? Well, I was on the spot, so I said, well, you know, the world there seems a little divisive. Maybe we could pray about healing some stuff. So you join hands. She looked through the Bible there and found a passage or two. Lord? Let there be kindness and goodness in the world. 6-5-1- or 7-15, Jesus said they did this to a buddy in St. Cloud. His activity profile

read, I really enjoy walking, which is good because I got a DUI and can't drive. It's very fitting to happen in St. Claude, too. Because that could be somebody's actual dating profile in St. Cloud. I didn't know you could sign somebody up for a visit from the Jehovah. Okay, here's

one more prank sent in to me. At least this is what I have on my end. Well, this is cute. Yeah, I like this one. This isn't going to anger anybody too badly. This dude works in a warehouse. He said our shipping manager took a week off a few years

ago. While he was gone, we put his desk on a pallet, shrink-wrapped that sum bitch, and used a forklift to put it on the top rack in the warehouse. That's hilarious. That's a really good one. If I tell you what, Dwight and Jim on the office, they'd prank each other quite. Oh, absolutely. The stapler and the jello was a pretty good one. I'll show you

what you can do with a staple and some frigging jello. What do we got on the way out? Congratulations to Kyla, taking first. First place in the 19 and under bracket, Lake Rebecca Super Sprint yesterday from Dad Disc Golf Jesus. Yeah, that sounds cool. Who's very proud of you, as he should be. Hello to August and Kai from your friends here at 93X. And your dad, my name is John Jesus.

Happy birthday to mine like Nick, heart like Josh Jesus. And a shout out to special ed teacher, Jesus. She's headed to Alaska, don't you know, on her birthday. Oh, my God. That's awesome. Have a great trip and happy birthday. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good.

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