93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Wee Wee Peen Way

Episode Date: September 2, 2026

Originally Aired  September 2, 2026: Scratch and sniff...minus the scratch. Otters...still shady. Everything you've ever wanted to know about your out of control youth football coach.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheeding.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. Isn't this the best? Josh says he wants to make today the best day ever. And I don't want to let the kid down. So welcome to what will for sure turn out to be the best day ever. Welcome to the Wednesday model of the 93-X half-ass morning show.

You know who's always got a great attitude to start every day? Paper-hauling Jesus. and I try and just follow his lead. He texts this morning and said, keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart. Don't let the little problems bring you down. Paper hauling Jesus. That's just how he does things.

You know what? He didn't know this and you didn't know this, but that little statement might really be more helpful than you think this morning. And I'm going to get there in just a minute. Save that text, Josh, because some more people might need to hear you say, that out loud.

First off, before we go any further, Ashley's got the day off. The rest of us have the day on. Maybe we can say, in Ashley's honor, we'll try to make today the best day of all time. So you had that little motivational comment there from paper hauling Jesus. Here's another reason, another motivating factor for trying to make today the best. I was just reading that a lot of us could use a little something to get them through another day. I was just reading, what is this now? 82% of us, that's quite a chunk.

82% of us feel like we're on autopilot every day and just going through the motions to get by. Day after miserable F-me-running day. So kind of fitting that paper hauling Jesus had that little motivating, and we're having this conversation now, keep a smile on your face and a song in your heart, and everything's going to turn out okay? What did he say? That's good advice, yeah.

Don't let the little problems bring you down. 82% of us? That's depressing. Just look at every day as, ah, the same friggin', gimmick. I'm on autopilot. I'm going through the motions. They talk about at 248 p.m. That's the most depressing minute of the average workday. That's where everyone just finally can't take anymore. They can't eat. They can't sleep. I thought the statistic that said 21% of adults report running out of steam before noon, I thought that was bad.

Jesus, that sounds miserable. I mean, anybody that's up now, Noon, maybe you've been up 10 hours or more, right? But for the average person, that's only a few. What does the average person get up? Six on a weekend? Yeah, yeah, probably they start working 7, 38, 9. That's kind of what it seems like, right? And already 9 to 5.

And by noon, you've already... They're done? Well, I've done all I can do. By noon, they throw the shoot. I didn't realize we were that effed. 82% of us? And then, you know, they're piss poor. going through the motions.

Autopilot work day ruins their love for their hobbies, their relationships. Jesus, balls. We've got to have something happen around here. I mean, everybody's got days, but that's concerning that that's your average day. I agree with you.

Everybody has a bad day. I'm not totally, you know, out of my mind. I'm not going to sit here and claim, I don't feel those things. Sure, I do once in a while. but every day Boddette Fishing Guy Jesus said I'm on autopilot mode at this point

don't even try and remember my customer's name why make the effort We have learned more and more over the last especially the last couple of months Boddette Fishing Guy Jesus he hates his gig he friggin hates it I love hearing from him but you're right

he needs a long vacation We could use a beer party around here Maybe it's this Saturday's half-ass morning show Summer Bash, that can be that pick-me-up. Tickets still available. Creed in concert. You're not going to believe it, Creed. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if that's the, if that's the answer.

Oh. I'm actually looking up celebrity addresses, specifically Kathy Bates. Kathy Bates? The name rings about. I want her to morph into that character, Annie Wilkes, from the movie Misery. Oh, the misery. And then hobble my legs, like she does. did to James Con, may he rest in peace?

You want her to put you out of your misery. So I don't have to get up on stage. Oh. I'm looking forward to the concert, but what if my legs give out? I'm not built for that. I don't like that kind of thing. You guys do, and you guys are good at it. You're built for it.

We're bringing you up there anyway, even if Annie Wilkes gets a hold of. I know. I should go up there. I don't care if I got to put you on my back like Luke Skywalker did Yoda. You're getting on stage with us Saturday night. But what if Annie Wilkes hobbles my house? legs. There's nothing I can do. Luke Skywalker, Yoda. Can I tell you something? I can't watch that scene. I mean, I will watch that scene, but there's certain movies where I think I should

skip over that. You can't watch Luke and Yoda? No, I can watch them any day. Oh, by the way, the hobbling scene. The hobbling scene. That was brutal. That movie's near 40 years old now, isn't that crazy? Saturday night, our half-ass morning show, Summer Bash, at the beautiful Mystic Lake Amphitheater. There's nothing that's going to stop you from getting on stage. Saturday. If I got to do it, you got to do it. Yeah, I'll be up there to support. What? I'm giving you a mic, dude. Say something. Oh, I'm saying nothing. Well, then I'm not saying anything either. If you're not saying anything, I'm not saying anything. One go, I'll go. Dana promised me he wasn't going to say anything. Now what are we going to do?

Just stand there and, well, maybe the one thing we can say is. How come you don't have to say anything? How come I got to say something? Well, you like saying things. I don't necessarily like saying things. I help out around here in other ways. You know, ways that have nothing to do. What are you talking about? This place is a mess. It is a mess. Hey, I'm the only one that's picked it up. This person said, noon, I'm done as soon as I walk in the door at 5 a.m.

He's had enough right from the get-go. You know, we've certainly seen that before. Oh, yeah, I can remember landscaping days where it'd be about 9.30 in the morning. What do you say, boys, you want to take lunch? Yeah, yeah, let's take lunch. We put it in a good hour or a half. Just because you were depressed, you didn't like it. No, it's usually just hung over and tired and we're college kids.

so not used to being up that early in the morning? Well, sure. Yeah, we always joke that there was people around here. The first thing they do when they get here is plan where they're going to go get breakfast. And then they'd plan where they're going to have lunch. And then they'd plan their tea time. And that was pretty much what they did around here. A couple listeners have texted in, and we've motivated them now to buy some tickets to that Creed show Saturday night,

the half-ass morning show, Summer Bash. one guy texted in to say now that sounds like one hell of a scene just four jackasses standing on a sage and none of them saying anything it would be kind of funny no you say something no you say something we just mime it yeah well you know to these people if you're one of these people who every single miserable day you feel like you're going through the motions you feel like you're on autopilot by 230 245 you're ready to snap You don't even have fun with your hobbies anymore, and it affects your personal life. If you're one of these folks, if I could give any advice at all, just be patient. Be patient. When you're in a rut, specifically at work is what we're talking about, hold out hope that something stupid is going to happen to make the day special. Just keep in mind, it was just an average day here. Not that long ago.

Maybe we were going through the motions. Maybe we were feeling a little down in that moment. But Josh, it was just an average day here a few years ago when suddenly the soundboard caught on fire. Right. Nobody could have predicted that. Hold out hope. We know it sucks when you're in that mindset that, oh, my every day sucks. Every day is the same.

Hold out hope that something stupid is going to happen. None of us could have predicted that the soundboard was going to catch on fire. And it turned out to be a great day. Every once in a while something like that does come around. That's funny you guys mention the soundboard on fire because I was actually looking down at all the stuff, all the equipment here. I'm like, God, we've actually gone a long time without any serious, like major meltdowns in here. And not bad with no engineer.

Yeah. I mean, we've been pretty lucky in that regard. So now we're screwed, but. Some more examples. Just to pick your spirits up if you're one of these mopey bastards who's staring down the barrel of another boring day at work. It was just an average day here, going way back now, it was just an average day here in studio when a dude let us watch him pass kidney stones.

That came out of nowhere, unexpected. Hold out hope. Something stupid might happen. Got to watch a grown man. Pass kidney stones. Right here on the floor of the radio studio, Josh. I was having the time of my life. Yeah, I know you liked it.

I've heard that's pretty bad. Back when I was driving forklift, It was just an average day When a dude Cut his big toe off on the forklift Oh Broke up the monotony of the day I think it was an average day around here

When a lady got drunk at a concert Came back and peed in the Promotions Director's Office right on the floor Pulled her skirt down and went for it It was an average day When I caught a gentleman masturbating Again coming back from a concert And he thought he was running the board all by himself

Which he was for a while See, we hope that this kind of thing can be motivating. You never know when something effing mental is going to cut loose. I want to go back to this gal taking a piss on the floor of the promotions. You remember this story? Well, no, see, I heard a different version of the story. I heard that a drunk gal who used to work here, is that how do we, she used to work here? Yes.

I didn't know if she got a break and she was still working here. Anyway, I had heard that it was an accident, that it was more of a, not that this makes I mean, yes, it does make a difference. I heard the gal was so drunk, she wet her pants while having a conversation with the promotions director. But you're telling me. He told me a different story.

Maybe the story got better as he told it continually. You know what I'm saying? She pulled up her skirt and pulled aside her panties and just took a piss on the floor like a dog? That's what he told me, yeah. Which seemed completely out of character for that person. You agree with me that that's a totally different scenario

then accidentally wedding. Now, no one should be wandering around work here that drunk. But don't you think that's totally different? Oh, absolutely. An accident versus. I don't even know why I'm asking the question. An accident. Yeah, maybe it's one of those things where he told it

and didn't get the reaction he expected. So he kind of upped the story after a while. But I remember the promotions director. He wasn't a storyteller. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you. Is it possible? There were two separate women that did that? They're having a conversation.

and she just said, hang on one second, pulled her genitalia out and took a pee on the floor of his office. Yeah. See, I hire a different... I'm going to write down the name and see if it's the same person you heard. Okay. But the point is, hold out hope.

Something fun might happen. Okay, she wrote down the name of the person who peed. Yes. Yeah, I thought that's who it might... I thought that's who it might have been. I wonder if they'd read it. remember at this point. Sorry I blew up, but I just heard a totally different version of the story where it was

an accident. You're telling me that the... You know, we're going to run into him relatively soon. We'll have to ask him to retell that story. We'll see him this weekend. Our old promotions to read. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I mean, back to my day's working warehouse gigs. It was just an average, monotonous, boring day when one dude, ran over another dude's ankle with the forklift. Ah! Just right. Like from behind? And just, ah! Broke the guy's ankle for him.

CNC lathe machinist guy says the owner of my company comes in once every two weeks. It was an average day when one of the guys that nobody liked got into an actual fight with the owner and then got canned. Yeah, that's some drama that'd be fun to watch. That's good stuff. You never know. We had an intern once who managed one hour into working at the radio station, a college intern. He managed to delete the entire website from existing. It was gone.

Oh, man. Completely gone. They had to finally, some engineers able to find like a six to seven, eight month older version of it and reload that. So basically they lost everything that had been posted last almost year. He just got to have been left and didn't come back. Oh, really? Yeah. Well, I'm done here.

Yep. Dakota Sheriff Deputy Jesus said something stupid happens every day for cops. Living the dream. Oh, I bet. Yeah, I've mentioned it before. There's times we read stories where you think, gosh, that must have been a fun day to be a police officer. Out of all the days it would suck, every once in a while you get that day. And I suppose it would stand to reason that if you work as a law enforcement officer in a bigger town or

a big city. Really, every day probably is very different. If you're a state patrolman in the middle of nowhere's, every day is probably the same, right? A couple of speeders, couple of deep. You know what I'm saying? You work in a big city. I bet that you pray for those monotonous, boring days. Oh, you know, we have a great possibility of something happening next week. We have that every few years Zoom meeting with the biggest boss of the company. And it can get very uncomfortable and awkward. Not for me. I know you like it.

You like the uncomfortableness and the awkwardness. Next week we have the big Zoom meeting with the ultimate boss. There are none higher. Yeah, the queen of the company. Yes, you... So there's potential... You fear this situation greatly. Simply because of how awkward it is.

And then I, for whatever reason, I feel like I'll have to fill the silence. and because I'm looking around like, can somebody please say something? You feel responsible to say something. Yeah. So maybe your move was no matter how bad it got, you weren't going to say a word. Right. Right now, it's kind of like an Iron Man contest. I'm seeing how many of these Zoom meetings we can have where I don't make a sound.

And I enjoy seeing the looks on everyone else's faces, kind of looking side to side, nervous, thinking, well, who's going to say anything? I just like to stare dead into the camera and not make a sound. I'm on a streak now of about 20 meetings in a row where I haven't made a sound, and I'm going to continue this. And sometimes you're wondering if it's a trick, right? There's a certain question like, you could answer that wrong. Be careful, because definitely we've seen that before. Or an inappropriate comment here and there.

So there's potential that there could be some good comedy next week. Sure. Stupid things can cheer you up if you're having one of those days. Rat Rules 92, Jesus said it was a normal day at work until one co-worker was on the roof crying while another was being arrested. Yeah, you can't predict that. No, no. You can't make that up. So there you go.

I even got my spirits picked up when I first walked into the building this morning. You know, feeling a little tired. We've hit the middle part of the week. You know how that goes. year stuck in limbo praying for the end of the work week i even saw something totally stupid that cracked me up it worked our independence day booze crews a couple months ago well jesus what they where are we oh we're in september yeah so it was early september for a second there i thought we were in early august um yeah so it was near a couple months ago our independent

Day booze crews. We had a fun little gimmick. We asked everyone to wear their attitude t-shirts. And it turned out to be fun. I'm not a big attitude t-shirt guy. I usually get aggravated by such things. But when we turned it into a theme of our Independence Day booze crews, and when I saw all the t-shirts, one even more inappropriate than the other,

I like the gimmick. So, speaking of something stupid that can cheer you up, I was just roaming around the Internet when I first got here. And I found some attitude hats, Josh. Oh, sure. I've seen some of those. Attitude hats. You don't see him as often as the T-shirt. Maybe you just don't notice them as often as the T-shirt.

That's funny. A buddy of mine just sent me one yesterday, a picture of an attitude hat. Maybe it's a new thing? Are they becoming more trendy? Good question. Good question. I just stumbled onto him. And it picked up my spirits,

specifically this hat right here. I got to wear this to a wild game this winter. The hat simply says, the sexual tension at this hockey game is killing me. That's great. Now, I don't know if that's a callback to a movie or a television show or some bit that I'm not aware of. Oh, yeah, the TV show.

What TV show? What's that called? It was a huge show. the two hockey players that fell in the home. Oh, Heeded rivalries? He did rivalries. That must be it. I had forgotten all about heated rival.

We've been brought that up since we talked to Marcus Felino a few months ago during the... So that must be what it's related to. That is so dumb that I would love to either wear that or see that at a hockey game. The sexual tension at this hockey game is killing me. The Cubs, you know, the baseball team, they're releasing a rom-com as well. They're putting out their own movie. Really? A couple of NFL teams have done that in last few years.

Or the Chiefs did it more than once. I think they made a Christmas show. That's all on the Hallmark Channel. Good Lord. How miserable. I stayed far away from that. But the Chicago Cubs have come up with something cute. Yeah, so they're going to have like some sort of romance.

Here's a couple more of these attitude hats that I ran into this morning. In case you need just a cheap laugh. That's what they gave me. Josh, here's a hat. That says boldly on the front, bad day to be a margarita. Orgy referee. Oh, I just remember one I had. I bought it at a thrift shop.

It was for a lady, an older lady, kind of like a grandma had. It was pink, a little white ball on top. And it said, if they can send a man to the moon, why can't they send all of them? Oh, oh, I see. Get them all out of me. Get them all out of here. I wish I still had that hat. Oh, that foxy grandma with her attitude.

Spicy. Get them out of here. You never know grandma's going to come up with next. You know, my mom liked to hang little slogans on the wall in my folks' house. Were they religious-based at all? No, no, no, like smart mouth slogans. Not a lot of them, just a couple of them. You had some religious jokes?

Yeah, my mom's, or excuse me, my friend's mom, very religious. Matter of fact, she was a nun, and then she failed at that with intercourse and whatnot. Really? Yeah, and dad was a priest. Did she ever swing by and see our promotions director in the past? What happened? So she used to have kind of these, maybe snarkies, not the word, but kind of like just silly religious phrases. Like they had an embroidery that said, my boss is a Jewish carpenter, you know, referring to Jesus,

A bunch of stuff like that. Yeah. My mom had smart mouth stuff. A few of those. Like, I suppose you'd just call it attitude home decor. I'm not sure how to. One of them I remember was like a little sign that said, I hate being retired.

Oh, no, sorry. I love it. Like just stupid stuff like that. Oh, yeah. But one of them, you mentioned this hat that was anti-men. if we can send a man to the moon, why don't we just send all of them? My mom had one that said,

men, dot, dot, dot. Strong as bulls, dumb as tractors. And my dad had to walk past that every day. You know. For a while, those, maybe they still are, but when we were looking for a house, every house had the live, laugh, love.

Oh, Jesus, balls. Family time. You know, all those different. sayings. And even when we sold our house, the realtors like, yeah, grab a couple of those. Put one in like your laundry room or whatever. That was, for whatever reason, the house had to have that. It's so silly. Some of them even had it like stickers on the wall, you know, saying that live, laugh, love, or along those lines. Christ Almighty, get a grip. I like the hat that says, your secret is safe with me because I low-key zoned out. I don't even know what you said. How about the one that says, I got nar-canned at

Olive Garden I just, again, I just love picturing wearing these hats around town. Okay, before we take a break, if you don't mind selfishly, I'd like to dump a shout-out on a pal of mine. Josh, I think you'll be impressed.

I want to say word life to my old pal, Mike Straca. He makes honey. He makes honey amongst many other talents, many other talents. Very cool. He took home a state fair blue ribbon this year in the premium B and honey category. That's great.

I bet he was pretty excited. He sent me a text about it. Yeah, he was excited. Makes his own honey he has for years, entered it into the state fair, and the sum bitch won a blue ribbon. He has donated some of his honey to our charitable. How do you say it, Randy Shaver? Oh, I saw that. You go ahead and say it the proper way.

Yeah, like the brost out chicken event. Yeah, he's donated some of his honey to our charitable events. Broast out cancer. What did you say? I said brost out chicken. Didn't even know it. We were broasting chicken. Grindcord.

Oh, sorry. No, no, I just wanted Lakeview, honey, a smooth out of Long Lake Minnesota, won a blue ribbon. That's great. I grew up with the Straca family in Wizzata. They're good people. They know how to do things, things to take talent and skill. I just tell dick jokes on the radio. I don't know why they still hang out with me.

I'm a dummy. Is that his primary job? he's got many many things happening at once he's an entrepreneur does he do this with his wife make honey yeah i can't be sure if she helps out at all okay the reason because mike and i are bros i want to say it's all him okay you know what i mean yeah the reason i ask is there was a woman there that was talking about this business she's starting making honey and i was wondering maybe maybe that's one in the same she was at the broostout cancer event a blue ribbon at the state fair pretty awesome winning anything at the state fair

Grancourt Jesus said when he bought his house, there was a, may all who enter as guests leave his friends sign, painted on the wall. Painted on the wall? Painted. See that too? That's the slogan you want to, you want hanging over your head every single day of your life? Yeah, we were talking about positive messages,

but some of those, they have the opposite effect on people. All right, you bastards. Nohawk Welder, Jesus said his wife talk him out of wall decor that said live, laugh, toaster bath. We're going to get going for real skis. You're a great crowd. When we come back, we'll hit up that stupid news. So it'll be a few minutes,

and we'll be together again here on the Half-Ast Morning Show. The 93X Half-Ast Morning Show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up.

Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can say, $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard Heating and Air Conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here. If you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy.

This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bianchi Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show.

Here's what we were yapping about a few minutes ago. And it was a little depressing, really. I read a statistic. 80 some percent of us. That's a lot. That's a lot of us. 80 some percent of us, every damn, F me running day, we just feel like we're going through the motions, pure unmitigated boredom and misery. And then the study also told us that your miserable, monotonous workday bleeds into your personal life.

You disregard all your hobbies. You can't eat. You can't sleep. You can't even conjure up a hard-on for the wife. Oh, geez. I want a hard-on for the wife. Just one? Now, we tried to play Motivator here on the Half-Ass Morning Show.

We tried to tell folks, we get it. We've been there. But if you're feeling that way, just try and hold out hope. you never know when something stupid is going to happen at work that I'll pick up everybody's day and make it special. And I used an example here from the radio station. It was just your average monotonous day around here when the radio studio caught on fire.

And that changed everything for me. You were pumped. I was pumped. I remember you thinking, well, we got the rest of the week off. I had no concern at all. all. When the smoke started to pour out the board, Jesus, Josh shot out of his chair like he had diarrhea to run over there and, oh my God, the sound, I let it burn. Don't care. Not my problem. I'm not an engineer. And my thought was, Wawa Wewa were easily looking at a smooth week off. Didn't turn out

that way. Some dick had to come in here and fix things within an hour. Well, so he's such a good engineer, and I miss him terribly, he called me, and he's like, this is what you need to do. Without even looking at it, he could tell me how to do it. That guy, brilliant, hilarious, and terrifying all at the same time. Couldn't you even read the room a little bit and realized we wanted some days off and take his time with the whole operation? As soon as I saw the smoke, I kicked up, put my feet up on the table and said, this is what I've been dreaming about.

So, there you go. If you're one of these poor bastards, and we have sympathy, if you're one of these poor bastards where every day is just the same friggin' grind and you're miserable, I promise you, something's going to happen. And it's going to pick the friggin' room up. It's going to pick your spirits up, and you're going to find what you need to get through. Does it count? So I try not to, you know, there's certain days obviously where you realize,

geez, I'm totally on autopilot. So I try not to do that. I'm very, very, very much a routine person where... Same here. So does that count as autopilot? Because I have to have things a certain way. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'm going to screw up big time. Well, see, here's the thing, Josh.

Yeah, I'm often, sure, by definition, on autopilot, because like you, I'm a routine guy. And I do pretty much the same things, the same way at the same time. Speaking of work, speaking of work specifically. But I don't find it to be misery. I still somewhat enjoy doing a lot of those things. So it just depends on whether you're having a good time or you're not. Being on autopilot, I don't think should be defined as all bad.

If you're enjoying it, you're enjoying it. If you're not, you're not. Definitely not misery, but if anything is out of routine, it makes me anxious. That's where I'm afraid, like, I'm going to forget everything. I'm going to screw this up. I'm going to make a big mistake. Well, yeah, that's how you're wired. You get nervous and you think, oh, God, I suck.

This is going to suck. Everyone's going to hate me. Yeah, pretty much. That's the mindset you have when you wake up every day. That's fair to say. Don't want to check social media. So a couple text messages came in on the subject. And this is a great way to look at it.

A listener says, try to remember. It was just your average, boring day when we were introduced to the Costco Intercom Fart. Listen how that thing, it just, listen to how that some bitch rings forever. All through that wholesale retailer. He says it was just your average monotonous day when the Chinese kids cut loose with the Iwa, Iwa, Iwibwick. And it was just your average day. when the motorcycle guy showed up. You never know when something's going to cut loose

and change the path of your average stinking workday. Jesus, we met Throdehausen. When we met Throathausen, what does he sound like again? It was just your average day when Throdehausen's jam was released by Hollywood Records or whoever. Who was that? We had nothing going on when that single was released. Yeah.

Changed our approach to life altogether. Sounds like an entrance to a mortal combat character. You know, it's funny you say that. People text, the first time we played that, they're like, that could easily be on a mortal combat soundtrack. Oh, yeah. I hear the same guy going, finish him. All right, we'll get to the stupid news report.

We should go on tour. we should be motivational speakers. We could be the opening act for Mike Arruzioni. Does he do motivational speaking? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's been doing it since he scored that fluke goal against the Russians in 1980. Did you do a TED talk at some point, I'd imagine? A what?

Ted talk. People don't really mention TED Talks anymore. I never really got into, I figured out exactly what that was. It was just a speech, right? What again is a TED talk? Like a talk, basically. People are various, somebody is an expert on something, and they just give a presentation. Ted talks. Those were pretty popular for a while.

We hope we've, I don't know, helped a couple of you who might be wallowing in this monotonous routine. Before we get to the Stupid News Report, how about Josh real quick? A poem. You never know when some poetry might make a difference in your day. Sure. This is a poem that was sent to us by Hozer Jesus,

H-O-Z-E-R, hoser. If I were a dog and you were a flower, I'd lift up my leg and give you a shower. Is that Shakespeare? I recognize it. That's good. I believe so. All right, today's report, some of it's going to sound familiar to you because we've got some repeat offenders.

We do. If Ashley were here, being of Canadian descent, she would say repeat offenders. She's got the day off. Starting with this effing puk, you'll likely remember him. The maniac out there in California, who, that's just exhausting. He wanders around public places sniffing everybody's ass like a damn dog in a park. For Christ's sake, they haven't figured out a way to put

this lunatic away just yet? There's certain people that can't be rehabilitated, and this is obviously one of them. Obviously. The guy's a registered sex offender, a real cutie pie. I would like to believe that a lot of you remember our past conversations, but just in case you don't, for years he's been bothering women in town. His effing gimmick is walking up on ladies.

he puts his face smooth between a gal's big old ass cheeks and he takes a deep inhale like he's looking to figure out what she had for dinner. I'm wondering what he's looking for. Like what specifically he's hoping is going to enter his nostrils right there, you know? Like poop.

Yeah, filthy or the better, Josh. I was hoping it wasn't that. He wants a little bit of everything. But you think that's what it is? He's disappointed if he doesn't smell feces. Look at me. I'm looking. Poop.

All right, poop. Here's a, this guy's a manager who caught him a couple times. I know he's harmless, but it's a weird fetish. C crouching down like he normally would, and he'll just look around and then just trying to take the chance to sniff like any woman's blood. You want to sniff blood? Sniff somewhere else. Yeah, sniff somewhere else. I want to know this guy's definition of harmless.

I'm with you on that. This suggests to me he's a couple days away. from murdering somebody. That's weird. I mean, obviously. That's because you're a dude. That's why you call him harmless. He's not sniffing dude's asses.

He's sniffing women's asses. Sometimes the weirder a crime is, the more concerning it is. Like if the guy just hit me over the head with a, I don't know, like a bag of marbles. Oh. I can understand that. But sniffing my butt. Absolutely. I'd be way more concerned for a lot longer.

You're spot on. The weirder. the more depraved the crime. Yeah, a guy wants to hit you over the head with a pipe and take your wallet. I get that that's a crime as old as time itself. And if anybody ever wants to do that, I'll just give you my wallet. Don't even extend the effort or look for a pipe. You can just have it.

And speaking of getting piped, I'm trying to remember, has this idiot taken a terrible beating yet? Don't you think that if he just took a hellacious, unmerciful whooping, that he might back off the ass cheeks, but I don't remember us telling any stories about him getting tuned up. Sometimes that's the only thing that might change a person like that.

You know, F the cops. The cops got enough to do in California, I would imagine. Just hire a few of these UFC nut jobs to follow this guy around. And the next time he puts his nose up somebody's ass, they just break his arms off for him. I worked with a guy, a boss of mine, who threatened to beat a serial masturbator up.

Oh? Up. Beat him up. and the guy never came back. He'd coming into the store I worked at. He would go into the women's section, touch bras and stuff, and touch himself at the same time. So your coworker said, you do this again, I'll break your arms off?

Yeah, he said, you know what? We've kicked you out so many times. We've called the cops. Nothing's working. Next time we come in here, I'm going to bring you to the alley, and I'm going to beat your ass. And the guy never came back.

People say that, you know, violence isn't the answer. In a lot of cases, I agree with them. But I think this time, this guy, it might work. I don't think he's ever taking a terrible beating. Break his nose for him. So badly, he can't smell anymore. Oh, can you mention the horror for him? Then he'd start licking ass, wouldn't it? I bet he hated COVID. I bet he just despised it.

Yeah. Anyways, this guy's been arrested again. The local cops got a telephone call from a grocery store or a clothing store or something. Whoever made the call said the dude was hanging around inside the store like a friggin' They say he was crouched down in the aisles and appeared to be, quote, sniffing someone out. And, of course, the police know exactly who they're dealing with. They've been dangling with this friggin idiot for years. He's been burying his nose and ladies' asses for years.

The guy's name is Calice or something stupid. He's 39 years old and still acting like this. So the cops grabbed him, as you might have guessed, with his track record. huffing ass in public is a violation of his parole. So it says here, Calisi or whatever his dumb name is. See, here's the thing. He's not scared. It says here he's done time for ass sniffing, 135 days.

You would think that that would be a wake-up call, unfortunately not. I'm guessing he probably got his ass sniffing. ass kicked in prison. Everyone gets their ass kicked in prison. Maybe violence isn't a motivator. I like this from sewer repair Jesus. I always try and see the positive in a situation or give somebody, you know,

at least there's got to be something good about him. He said, well, he could be helpful finding sewer lines. Sure. He's an expert, I guess. Oh, God. Can you imagine being the person that has to fill out that form for parole and just put, here's all the things you can't do. Sniff ladies' butts.

Right. I mean, what a waste time this guy is. Can we make his next stop in the cooler a permanent one? Enough. Just enough. Like I've said about other repeat offender types. You had your chance to be a real person. You had your chance to be a regular member of society. Obviously, you're not built for it.

So goodbye. Either that or cut his sausage off for him. That's the only other route to take, in my opinion. A halacious beating, you cut off his pecker. Well, when we used to have a FBI profiler in here, we had a little bit. This woman, she would come in and kind of talk about stories like this, right? And she would always say, you know, somebody like this, there's nothing else you can do. You know, she can rehabilitate some folks, but when you're this type of guy, that's it.

They're never going to change. You just got to lock them up. Or send them somewhere. Like, what was that hat you saw on an old lady? Oh, the moon. Yeah. That hat said if they can send one man to the moon, why can't they send all of them? Yeah, they should send that guy.

Yeah, he can go up there. Maybe the next space mission, just send that guy. Just drop them off. Over and over and over and over again, this effing puk bag. Do people do that recreationally with consent? I mean, is that like a thing? You guys seem to know these things. Everything is a thing now, Josh.

Yeah, okay, what's that Rule 34? Right. But, I mean, I've never heard any. I mean, I know people that enjoy, you know, bringing that part of the body into the bedroom. Are we talking about farting or what are we talking about? No, like just sniffing. Sniffing is a thing.

It is. Yeah. I once saw a movie where a guy, he was naked. Yeah. And there was a girl there too. And she grabbed them by the yonson. She did, Cubby. And they were preparing themselves for a consensual encounter.

and she took as Rodney, and she just kind of, and they went from there. That's, yeah, that's, I mean, that's pretty cool. You think so? Yeah, I mean, the Rodney, sure. It's just the other stuff that I don't fully understand, you know. But sniffing? Yeah. Okay.

So that's what I was asking you, though, is butt sniffing a thing. Like, people are like, you know, they sniff at all, Josh? They sniff every inch of you. A little bit of everything? That's right. I don't care. What? People are recommending the discipline volcano.

It's a punishment I've been working on for a lot of red tape. Hasn't it happened yet. And plus, it's tough to find a volcano in Minnesota. Or you just slowly dip a person like this into a volcano. Just a punishment piranhas. Another one I'm working on, it's just a terrible tank of piranhas where you're lowered in with some trained deadly piranhas. They've got a lust for bad guys.

I've always been excited over the idea of you finally completing those two projects, your punishment piranhas or your disciplined volcano. But I am a little bit upset because years before you had either of those ideas, you were building a time machine. I had to pause because of all the crime. You stopped any efforts in building your time machine to focus on the volcano and the piranhas.

I've always been a little more interested in the time machine. I'm a little upset that you gave up on that. What about a couple other things I've been working on? Do you remember when we first met, You told me you were building a time machine? Yeah. That was old to me. Yeah.

What were you saying now? I'm sorry. I have the rectal consequence cactus. Self-explanatory. Very ouchy. The retribution raccoons. They're nasty. Rabid, ready to claw through flesh in the name of justice.

And also mostly rectal-related. There's kind of a theme there, I guess. One of these days, we'll enact one of them. I'll take it by time machine. I don't care who. you are, this is the type of thing that could throw you off your game, as they say. This will disrupt your rhythm. Another low life who can't get right out there in England.

Let me tell you a story. A gal was a walk in a dog or two. That's how she makes her living, don't you know? So she's over there and what they call here a nature reserve in England. And she's a walking them dogs. When shockingly and suddenly, she saw a man without pants or underwear's on. And that's when the man went ahead and shoved a carrot up his own fart box. Like I was saying, that'll damn near stop anybody in their tracks.

I know for sure I'd be confused and terrified. Yeah, confused. That's the big one, nauseated. Throw that one in there. But you know what else, Josh? I just thought of this. I'm also a very competitive person. There would be added pressure on me in the moment to try and top that.

Hopefully I could get past that. You're looking around for, like, just, why aren't there in a produce aisle right now? Right. How do you top that? Zucchini? That's probably the next step. Just the bigger, the vegetable, the higher the score. Anyway, so again, Gail,

Walking dogs comes around a corner in the middle of the woods. There's a guy, no pants, no underwear. And he shoves a carrot up his own can. The poor gal walking the dogs said she was, quote, distressed by seeing a grown man playing prom night with a carrot in broad daylight. This disgusting disappearing carrot trick has a, made its way to the local courthouse. The dude who made his butthole

out to be Bugs Bunny's mouth, everyone in town found out that his name is Tim, and he's 49 years old. That's just such a normal, nice guy name. Yeah, it is. The word going around the courthouse

is that Tim might have been hammered drunk when he decided to toss a carrot up into his kennel. like it was the crisper drawer of his refrigerator. Tim is looking at a charge of, how do they say this again? Enraging public decency. And it says here,

Tim hasn't said much in court so far. And hell, if everyone in my hometown knew that I got drunk and snaked my own drain with a carrot in public, I may never speak to another human being for as long as I live. Yeah, I'd be moving. That's for sure. Maybe that speaks to him being remorseful, which would be good. I'd never be able to look at a carrot again if I were that guy.

Be a little tough. You know how allegedly I shoplifted a SEAL CD? Yes! I couldn't even listen to it. I donated it. I didn't want to look at it. Whenever the name comes up, I still feel sick to my stomach. And that's not SEAL's fault.

He's a wonderful artist. The guilt was too much for you to even listen to that record? Way too much. Looking at Minneapolis, Jesus. texted in, commenting on the man who caroted his own beehole out in the woods. Looking at Minneapolis, Jesus says this, spoke check. Oh, man. That's getting less gross the more I hear it, you know?

I think I've just become numb to it. Let's do a quick spoke check. Spoke count. What about the other one, Josh? I really throws you off. Have you come around on that one at all? Nope. Okay.

Nope. Is he coming around on what? Nope. Initial CP. Oh, cream pie. Such an image. There have been some troubling things happening so far in today's stupid news report. For some of you, for some of you, this might be the one that really gets you climbing the walls.

In Virginia, a gal woke up from a dead sleep in her bed, and she saw that a bat was setting on her face. Says here when the gal came to, the bat was attempting to crawl into her mouth hole. So this morning, I was asleep, and I had a dream that there was a little mouse trying to get into my mouth. And so I'm half asleep.

I reach up to my mouth. Again, still thinking this is a dream. And then I touch something that is kind of slimy and a little hairy and cool. And I immediately somehow knew it was a bat. This bat was a bat. was legitimately trying to burrow between my lips into my mouth. There she is.

She goes by the name of Krista. And she posted a video on Instagram telling folks all about it. You heard her. She said she was dreaming. Oh, she didn't mention this part in the audio. I mean, you heard what she said. She wakes up, got the bat, setting right on her yapper.

It was trying to burrow its way between her lips. Here's a, what you didn't hear. She said she was dreaming at the time that there was a cute little field mouse. She was dreaming that a cute little field mouse was trying to get into her mouth. That's interesting to me. I'm often kind of interested in how the outside world can play its way into my dreams while I'm sleeping. Like say when I fall asleep in front of the television, the audio from the television, the audio from the television, will play a role in my dream.

I'm sure you guys have had the same experience. Absolutely. Yeah, I thought you had told the story once before. You had a vivid dream and it was something from TV. Well, there were two things. I was watching some Bruce Willis movie where he's a cop. Big surprise, right, that Bruce Willis played a cop. He's a cop and there's these wild teenage kids who have kidnapped some other teenage kids

and there's a wild violent gunfight and the house catches on fire. That played its way. into my dream. All the audio from that Bruce Willis movie played its way into my dream. But you're probably directly thinking of the Tom Brady dream. That's what it was, yeah. Where I watched a movie about someone visiting a faraway land, like a family goes to a faraway away land on vacation and all the locals turn on them. And I had this wildly vivid, vivid dream.

This is 25 years ago. Now, and I still remember every detail of the dream where my ex-wife and I were on a faraway island in the middle of nowhere's and the locals decided to kill all Americans. And the dream ended in an awesome way, in an incredible way. The dream ended where I was the last surviving American on this island. And, you know, thousands, I had to try to save my own life, I had made. my way to the tippy top of the tallest building in town. And all the locals are racing up the stairwell to kill me, thousands of them. And in the end, they all make their way up to the roof of this building.

I've got my back. You know, behind me is nothingness, right? I'm on the very edge of the building. And all the locals are face to face with me. I'm a dead man, right? This is all a dream, remember. In my dream, I had a knife on me. I grabbed a female local

and I jumped us both over the side of the building and I stabbed her to death before we hit the ground. So violent. But it was all because of that movie it played its way into my dream. I do, I love the ending of my dream. I really do because I thought, if I'm going to go because you people want me dead,

I'm bringing one of you pricks with me. And I did. So I'm kind of proud of myself. in that moment. Meve Jesus said he once had a dream he was eating Mike and Ikes. I was really chewing on an ear plug. I'm not sure which one came first

or how the earplug got in my mouth. So here's this gal. Again, she was dead asleep. She was having a dream that a little mouse was running around on her mouth when she woke up a bat was sitting on her face and it was trying to get into her yap. When she realized

it was a bat, she came uncorked. her screams woke up her husband and the other guy that was laying there. They captured the bat, took it to the emergency room with her. She didn't believe that the bat had taken a little bite out of her face or anything like that, but she thought she'd play it safe. The bat tested negative for rabies. That's good. I bet she probably had to go through the whole rigomer roll.

Oh. All the shots and whatnot. Yeah, horrible. All right. Back to repeat offenders, and we can wrap it up with this one. Lives and Brainer Jesus wants to know, was it the movie Lord of the Flies that I was watching before this terrible, violent dream.

No, it wasn't Lord of the Flies. Somebody else said, hostage. I don't recall the name of it, but it was... Oh, and by the way, when I was telling you about the dream, I completely forgot. I called it the Tom Brady dream, and then I told the story and made no mention of Tom Brady. Earlier in my dream, when my wife and I were having a good time on this island, before the locals turned on us, earlier in the dream, we were hanging around with Tom Brady.

He ends up getting killed kind of right away in my dream. And like I said, I was the last survivor, and I took a local with me as we careened off the side of that building. No, it wasn't Lord of the Flies. It was something else. I'll get back to you. But back to repeat offenders. I used to be the only guy in town who would bitch about otters. But those little peckerheads have changed.

And now everybody knows what no good little bastards they can be. I think this is the third story we've had this summer about otter attacks. Things have changed. They're your biggest enemy. At times they can be. Where is Lake Tahoe? Is that California? Yes.

Says here a lady was taking a swim in that silly, Lake Tahoe and she got the piss beat out of her by a smart mouth otter and the otter tore this gal from her ass up sideways and she ended up taking 40 stitches she goes by the name of Lynette she says she was a swimming and something suddenly grabbed her leg and pulled her underwaters she said it was so powerful she thought it was a person but it was a friggin otter she comes up for air. She sees the otter in the water next to her, and that's when the otter took to giving this lady the beating of a lifetime.

She fought back, she punched a little prick in his dumb, otter face. She kicked him in his little otter dick, but the damn thing kept dialing in and scratching her all over her body, biting her and scratching her. She said it was ruthless. He just kept coming after me. Eventually, she made it to a rock bed where she, she could pull herself out the water.

The otter kept swimming around in circles. It continued to circle that rock bed watching her. She said she could hear its heavy breathing, and it was very menacing. It was like out of a movie. Eventually, the otter left, and Lynette got to the beach and called for an ambulance. Oh, yeah, speaking of that gal with the bat,

where she, luckily the bat tested negative for rabies, but Josh said she probably still had to go through all the rabies vaccinations. This Lynette gal who fought an otter to near death, she is currently having the time of her life with all of those full-on-for-alarm rabies vaccination. I'd imagine. And here we go again. Another so-called expert has stepped up to say that otter attacks are extremely rare. They're usually friendly, la, la, la.

Yeah, they used to be. Your friendly neighborhood garbage man, Jesus said, this is just anti-Oder propaganda. Way to fall for it. Lynette says she's going to go looking for a new place to swim from here on out. Sounds good. Yeah. Sports.

On the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. Bunch of dickheads. Man, the twins just pumped the Detroit Tigers last night. No doubt. F me running. They scored 10 runs in one half inning. I wonder how many F of times they've done that in the history. How many times have they scored 10 runs and one stinking half inning? They did it last night.

They beat the Detroit Tigers 15 to 2. Hell, game one. The final score was 11 to 1. They're throttling, these poor bastards. And they got one more tonight. Got one more tonight. And I like this Dean Kramer who was pitching tonight. He looks pretty good.

Maybe you sweep. Maybe you sweep. They need it. They need all the wins they can get. Everybody knows that. Last night was the 12th time they scored 10 or more runs in the single inning. 12 times. They are the greatest baseball team ever.

Of course. Easily. Well, that was fun last night. It was just a gang bag. There's a theme this week. Kind of, how do they say it, Josh? There's a theme evolving or emerging. Ridiculous, out of control, ball bag, youth sports coaches.

What's happening? I don't know. We've had a couple already this week. I mean, I guess the start of the football season, people are a little too amped up. Football season is back. So ex-jocs, you know, in their mid-30s to early 50s, the youth football coaches, they're just a little too pumped up, man, and they can't hold their mud. We've got a couple of great stories coming up when Randy Shaver joins us at 730.

I mean, everybody in our listening audience, damn near. It seems they've got a story. They can relate to the ridiculous shenanigans that happen at you sporting events these days. We've got a couple of good stories for you coming up at 7.30. Till then, you know,

light of smoke, whatever, have a beer. We'll be back in a few minutes. Josh has his news report right around the corner. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but

As Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here.

If you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialky's your guy. This is his specialty with over 3,000. 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. Even if your injury was years ago, don't wait. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side. Hey, wait a minute. You two look kind of familiar.

Ain't you them kids that have been whacking off in my toolshed? It's been two weeks since he showed me his junk. I feel I should explain. No, I think I'm good. That's all you needed? Yeah, that was great. I love that sound bite. I heard he showed me his junk, but I missed the setup.

She says this. It's been two weeks since he showed me his junk. It's been two weeks? Two weeks. Okay. She hasn't seen it in two. Two weeks. Ah, we all miss his junk. And he'd be happy to show it to us. A Missouri man is off the streets after spending weeks approaching, following and then providing free anatomy lessons to unsuspecting

women along the Fee-Fee Greenway, or more appropriately now, the Wee-Wee-Weenway. Shouldn't have to be afraid in your own neighborhood to walk a trail. You know, that's what they built it for. Did you say the We-Wee-Wee-Peenway? It rhymes with Fee-Fee-Fee-Greenway. Should I? I turn in my badge and gun. We never gave you a gun, Josh, and you know it. What times the exit interview? Some of this stuff shouldn't just be glazed over. Some of this stuff, you can't just so easily move on to the next.

You got to sit back. It's nerves, and I know it's stupid, so I'm going to hopefully move on. I'm trying to give you credit, because you said wee-wee-peen-way as a grown man on the radio. Should I have one with P.P. Weenway? Or P.P. I think you nailed it, dude. It's weird how long I thought about that, which one I should go with. I suppose, I bet you did. You really did, didn't you? Yeah. I thought, well, which one?

Back and forth. Which one's going to annoy people? Did you run it by the family? In and out. My wife sometimes is a sounding board. She really is. I should mention, maybe I shouldn't mention. I'm going to mention that lady, she's 70. Yeah. And hot. One hot mom. Is that right? The one who.

saw the pecker. Yeah. Really? Yeah, she's got a, like a spicy attitude, too, which adds to it. You don't normally show a lot of lust towards the elderly. Oh, she's not elderly. I mean, it feels like something I should say in that situation. Mm-hmm.

I mean, she's up there. The Maryland Heights Police Department confirmed a suspect was taken in the custody. You take her for a ride down the wee-wee-wee-peenway? Yeah, sure would, or the Pee-Pee-Pee-Way or Pee-Pee-Wing way. He was busted in the early-month. morning hours over the weekend dropping his pants for local residents whose peaceful walks came with a little more exposure to nature than advertised the bus brings a little peace of mind after two weeks of raw frustration panic and in this woman's case gearing up for battle i was out to get him

they got my duct tape and they're looking for him she also had that's her that's the one you want yep the 70 year old said she was the suspect's first target while out getting her daily exercise on the path, and she later helped officers identify the suspect in a police lineup. So after weeks of unsolicited peen previews, police finally shut down his exhibit. Detective said her account, combined with stories from two other victims who reported similar wanted sneak peeks at his coming attraction, provided cops with what they needed to hunt him down. Refusing to let some trail creep intimidator, the first victim had a message for other women in the community. Get your pepper spray. Don't let them make you afraid.

Is that her again? That's her again. On Monday, St. Louis County prosecutors charged Kalin Hayes. Already on parole for burglary and with prior convictions for assault and credit card theft, he was charged with two counts of first-degree sexual misconduct. So he showed, he dumped his dong on more folks in town than just this wicked hot blue hair. Yeah, I mean, pretty much if there was a woman. in that park, he wanted to make sure and catch her before she left.

Is part of the turn on, Josh, that she has duct tape and pepper spray at the ready? That's number one on my list. Yeah, she's spicy, foxy, all the above. A Minnesota man is facing criminal charges for allegedly deciding the clothing aisle was the perfect place for a little me time, reportedly masturbating in a Rochester store while shoppers were present and likely disgusted. A 19-year-old is facing charges in connection with the incident. He's 19 only. Jesus, that's-off to a bad start. That's rare.

It's usually the older cats who whack off in public. 19-year-old kids, they usually have a place for that. Yeah, I mean, there are so many places for... It's pretty young to be totally warped already. Hopefully he can turn himself around here, but right. Gross. 19. The 19-year-old, again, he's facing charges in connection with the incident.

during which the Rochester Purve reportedly put on a bit of a Mayo Clinic of his own. You son of a bitch. Surveillance footage reportedly showed the guy wandering the store with his hands wandering right along with him, allegedly touching his private parts at various times for about 45 minutes, which is a very long time to masturbate, especially at that age. Christ, that's a record. They don't actually use the name of the clothing store, but judging by what allegedly happened there, we'll just call it the fap.

One shopper told investigator she kept noticing him lurking suspiciously close every time she turned around. At first she thought he might be packing a weapon in his pants, which he was, but the weapon was his loaded weiner, which could have gone off at any time. After witnessing the jerk-off jack-off, charges say that she realized the noise she'd been hearing was him masturbating. That's disturbing. When it makes a noise. Yeah, I know. Gross, right?

The store owner didn't witness the alleged self-service trouser browser herself, but a horrified customer filled her in, and she called police. Called the police. When police finally tracked him down, he first claimed he'd never even been to that store. But then he remembered, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I have been there, and I was shopping for kids' clothing. Kids clothing. When shown the video... Does he have a child?

I don't know. I hope so. Well, I don't know how to... Actually, I don't know how to think about that. I can go both ways. Maybe he's a favorite uncle. I guess I don't know how to feel it. Probably not anymore.

I'm hoping so too, Josh. I mean, it's okay. Yeah, I don't know how to get out of that. When shown the video and witness statements, his defense evolved into, you know, I didn't mean to bother anyone. Asked point blank if he whipped it out and got busy in the store. He allegedly gave the cops the equivalent of a shrug and said, I don't know if that's what the camera's caught. Kind of relaxed about this. I mean, if the cameras caught me master, I guess I was.

Maybe, and don't get cute with this. Maybe he comes from money or something. Yeah, you might, right. He's got really no worries, you know, okay, I'll pay a fine. My rich daddy will do this. And maybe he comes from money. Get cute with this if you want. But yeah, he's probably thinking he's going to get off.

Yeah. You can get off easily. First, there was cocaine bear. Now we introduce Fireman Bear, a Colorado Fire Department shared security camera footage of a bear dropping by a station and walking off with a bag of firefighting gear. Smokey has moved beyond forest safety and into a life of crime, it seems. The Colorado Springs Fire Department posted video to social media

showing the thieving Bruin making a recent visit to Station 16. Smokey the Bear, or who we assume is Smokey, walked into the bay at Station 16, grabbed our gear bag, pieced out real quick, said, thanks, I'll take it from here. The Post read. Maybe that fireman left a ham sandwich in his pocket or something. I was wondering if there's some lunch

in there. Yeah. It's not exactly clear whether the firefighters were able to retrieve that bag. Ham sandwich. The department also shared some tips from Colorado Parks and Wildlife on social media. If you encounter a bear,

make loud noises to scare them off to make any encounter with humans uncomfortable for them, the post red. after his brazen bit of bear banditry, the big furry bastard was charged with first-degree bear gulery. First there was... First degree, what? I didn't hear.

It's right in her front you. Bear, bear, glory. First there was cocaine bear. Then came fireman bear. And now we introduce arson bear. This story also comes out of Colorado. Firefighters were called to a home where a bear broke through a door.

tore apart the inside of a house and then started a fire in the kitchen. The Crested Butte Fire Police District, excuse me, protection district, said two people were inside the Mount Crested Butte home on the night of August 19th when the bear forced his way through a door, leaving behind a sizable Butte hole. The bear then broke through an entryway paint of glass to gain access to the residence. Once inside, the bear got right to work. It tore apart the refrigerator, scattered, trash around the kitchen and broke apart a wooden dish drying rack. Oh, no. That rack landed on the electrical stovetop, which was turned on at some point during that incident, and the rack caught fire.

Isn't that something? Turns out this wasn't even the bear's first home invasion. The resident said a bear had broken into their home on at least one previous occasion. The big furry bastard is charged with unclothful entry and first degree brewing and Entrant. Two people inside the home called 911. Responding officers say the bear was acting aggressive. They were able to get inside the home and put the fire out and safely get the residents out. It was on this day an awful fire history 360 years ago, September 2nd, 1666. London woke up to disaster. A small fire inside a baker's shop erupted in the early morning hours. And from there, things got rather toasty.

by the time the flames finally died out, 80% of London lay in ruins. Thousands of homes gone, St. Paul's Church, a landmark, which had stood for centuries, destroyed. One of the most devastating disasters in the city's history, and somehow only six lives were lost, which is remarkably low. Everybody jumped in the water or something like that? Yeah, I don't know, they're all in the tames. Remarkably low, six lives. 80% of the country's gone. It was turned into a fireplace. for the most part. Thankfully, only six people passed. Then on this day...

Passed. That's a nice way to put it. Then on this day in Minnesota State Fair history, 125 years ago, 1901, Theodore Roosevelt stepped up to the podium at the Great Minnesota Get Together and delivered a line that would go on to become one of the most famous quotes in American history, speak softly and carry a big stick. Alabama and the Oak Ridge Boys took the grandstand stage that night. Ooh. What a show. Do you imagine if those two

performed together at the grandstand in 1901? Alabama and the friggin, you just said it and I forgot it. Oakridge Boys. Officials struggled for years to curb high-speed crashes along a residential corridor

cutting through Albuquerque, New Mexico. Turns out simply punishing lead-footed drivers wasn't getting the job done. so they tried something different, bribery, the legal traffic engineering kind of bribery. What ultimately worked was rewarding law-abiding drivers with fewer red lights. The solution which the city credits for a dramatic drop in crashes and injuries along one busy stretch of road is a relatively novel version of a long-standing traffic safety concept, commonly known as Rest in Red, where traffic signals default to red, to red into red into.

a vehicle approaches. But Albuquerque and Portland, Oregon took it a step further, adding speed sensors which grant a much earlier green light to drivers traveling at or below the posted speed limit. This is crazy. In other words, the fastest way to get to your destination is actually to slow down. National traffic safety experts say the strategy works best on roads designed to move heavy daytime traffic, but that empty out at night when open lanes make speeding more tempting. So you're telling me if I approach one of these robot cyborg stoplights that you're telling us about, if I approach this light at a reasonable speed, it will change to green quicker than if I approached it while speeding? Yeah.

It can read, it can decipher all of that? Right, it's got like a radar gun. F me. And it says, oh, he's going the speed limit or less. We'll give him a green light. Hmm. That's the craziest thing I've heard since you said. that Pienway-Wingway thing about 20 minutes ago.

While technology is helping tame lead-footed drivers in the U.S., Italy is focusing on a very different road hazard. Cell zombies, phone-obsessed pedestrians. The Mediterranean nation, shaped like footwear, is considering outlawing texting and crosswalks. The government is proposing fines of about 90 bucks, U.S. if you're caught looking at your phone while using a crosswalk. Are people getting run over there at the intersection? Sounds that way.

Oh, God. So they said you can use your phone. If it's in your pocket, you know, you're listening to something. Kind of like driving, right? Where if it's just not in your hand, it's okay to listen to music or something. But if they catch you looking at TikTok or sending a text message, you can get fine. Well, we can't have people getting greased there at the intersection every other day. We've got places to be.

A new psychological thriller takes an ordinary morning run and turns it into a race against time in The Runner, now streaming on Prime Video. Gal Gadot plays a London lawyer whose morning run becomes a pretty big bummer when her kid gets kidnapped. Oh, hmm. To get them back, she has to keep running, follow every command, and trust no one.

Selma Hubba Hubba Hayek turned 60 today. Boxing Hall of Famer Lennox Lewis 61. And Keanu Reeves, aka John Wick, 62. Today is Fraud Investigator Code Brown. Jesus' final final. After six years at his current department, he's moving back on patrol. He wants to give a shout out to Mr. Take Your Money, Child Support Officer,

as it's been fun working with you, he said. And one more thing, middle fingers to the sky, see ya, than a crying, laughing emoji. Lucky bastard. Yep, all done. Moving on. School bus guide Jesus, text in a shout out to Chick 420 Sheezus. They made it 20 years together, and he appreciates her putting up with him for so long. Ginger Snap Sheezus would like to wish Jack a very happy 21st birthday.

That's a milestone right there. Tomorrow's going to hurt, I bet. Happy birthday to Mal from her husband, big bearded Jared. And I know this is a little cheesy, but you guys know I love romance. Romance, he says. I do. I love love. Give it to me.

He says, happy birthday, my little maister. I can't believe I'm banging a 40-year-old woman now. Beautiful stuff. That's nice. You picture that on a card. Yeah, heartwarming. And that's 93X News. Randy Shaver.

on the half-assed morning show. Hello Randy Shaver. I said, hello Randy Shaver. Hello. There he is. Can you hear me? We got you. Coming in loud and clear.

It's time for your daily dose of the ass man here. Your daily dose of Randy. Guess where I'm going today. Talk to me. The fair? The fair. Look who comes crawling back. I'm going to the stick.

state fair this morning. Well, obviously. And I ain't happy about it. Oh, no. Now this is the whole family, maybe? No, no. Working. Oh, a work thing.

This is work. Yeah, yeah. God, dang. I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. Any advice you've been there? Don't wear a shirt.

It's going to be 99 degrees today. Human, right? Well, I can do that. Yeah. Yeah. You can get away. And be proud of. It should be. I've seen you shirtless.

You could get away with it. I couldn't. A couple of years ago. I got hollered at by my family members when I took my shirt off. Longfully so. Stupid. They just made up stuff that's not true. The whole rest of the fair is just going to be stinking hot. I know it is. I mean, it has been already, but I'm just telling you there's going to be no breaks until the bitter end.

What's it going to be like Friday when we're there? So we're there in the morning. A heat index. I read, Josh, because this is pissing me off. I read that the heat index Friday is going to be like around 100 degrees. Oh, my gosh. I could kill a guy like me. Yeah.

High school football kicks off on Thursday night. So Thursday and Friday is going to be really warm. I don't think I'm going to go back. Other than, I mean, we're making an appearance there Friday at the 93X merch booth, buy something, get out. You stop by if you like. Again, around 10 to noon. We're going to be making another appearance out at the fair. And I do look forward to that.

We get to meet a lot of nice people. but I don't think I'll go back with my personal time just because of the heat, dude. I'm just not wired for that anymore. So you're going to. It's always hotter there, right? Oh, just with the massive. That was certainly the case on Saturday. There's an open barbecue pit around every corner.

I don't even know how you work at that corn. 300,000 people. Oh, the corn kids are going to be just, but they're kind of used to it. Of course, people are probably already texted in saying it's always hot. during the fair and it almost always is it is you're right so tell us where can folks find you are you doing a live show i am uh doing something for the strip varsity live show this morning from 10 to 1045 at the star tribune building okay so um just talking about our show which kicks off on Thursday night and who's going to be with you uh Chris Carr from the Star Tribune who uh is the is the director of

strip varsity. Okay. You guys will be jaw jacking at the Star Trib building. Yep. Just talk a little bit about the show. But, I mean, I did this last year, and they make it easy for me to get in and out.

But it's just that it's that drive to the fair that just like gives me the willies. You just don't like it. That's just all there is to it. We were lucky for sure. 10 to 1045. What a grind.

Yeah. Although, Randy, people are texting in saying it'll be easy because, you know, so many school districts are back. Not all of them. Yeah, that's what I was hoping for this morning. Yeah. That's got to play a role and dummy in down the crowd a little bit.

Yep. But, I mean, if it's anything like we experienced Saturday, that was a goat rodeo. Yeah. So I'm sorry. Good luck. It's all right. It's okay. It's all right.

We were surprised Saturday wasn't a record. It sure seemed that way. I absolutely was shocked by that. I couldn't imagine squeezing any more people in that thing. Yeah, my son and his wife. and a couple of their friends, they all went to the fair while we watched my youngest grandson, and they said it was just bananas, how busy it was. I was walking in and I was walking out Saturday afternoon a couple hours after dinner shift,

and I saw all these buses walking in, and I wanted to tell people, turn around, just go to the bar. You're not going to like what's inside here. It was tough to move around. People are saying so far roads are empty. Okay. And you get yourself, they set aside a parking spot for the asses. Man and everything?

I've got a parking spot right next to the dairy building, which is my favorite stop on the way out the door. Get yourself a milkshake. Didn't they used to fly you in on Chopper 11? They did back in the day. That's something else. Dang. I bet that felt pretty cool. How low would they go before you had to get out?

Yeah, were you repelling like a Marine? They used to land where the racetrack used to be. Oh. What a rock star. and then shovel us in. They're going down in a rope ladder like Batman or something. Somebody prepare me, though, because if I go in the dairy bar and I'm going to have probably a connipion,

how much is a milkshake this year? Oh, God, I don't know. Because it goes up every year. Yeah. Bring least 100. You'll be spending your hard-earn retirement money. We were a little surprised at what things were costing. We stuck around for a few hours Saturday. What a change, really, when you think about it.

as far as local media, media in general, television and radio. How many years ago, they would give you a helicopter ride to the state fair? Nowadays, if you were still working in television, they'd probably hand you a bicycle and say, be there by 10 a.m. You know what I mean? Yeah. What a rock star lifestyle. We used to get a parking space back. Like a decent one. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We don't get dick now.

Nothing. This person says they were there a Saturday at the fair, and they demand a recount. it was nuts. Yeah, let's go back to the ballot box on that one. It did seem like it should have been a record. So it's going to be hotter than Dutch love. Once you walk through the gates, get that shirt off. Hopefully you have better luck than I did. A couple years ago, I was with my wife, my sister, and my niece. And I went in to take a squeege, and it was hotter than the blazes. And I came out in the men's room with my t-shirt, tucked into my belt, you know, my belt line. No shirt. And they, everybody, all three of them completely came uncorked. They thought it was just so offensive and disgusting. I said, what the hell is the problem?

I mean, you never seen a guy with his shirt. When I grew up, you go to Twins games of the state fair. Almost half the crowd, men were shirtless. Now all of a sudden, I come out to the bathroom, with my shirt off. They called my nipples aggressive. My niece asked if it was legal for me to be. shirtless. And I got

so much heat I had to put my friggin shirt back on. Things have changed everywhere. I can remember growing up in the summertime I probably wore a shirt half the summer.

And the other half ran around shirtless. We just, we played pickup baseball shirtless. We played I mean, really, I don't remember wearing a shirt maybe half the time. I've said before that between my

fifth and 35th birthday in the summertime, I almost never wore a shirt. Was that all the born siblings? Yeah, my dad kind of taught us that clothes were optional. Yeah, my old man almost...

Oh, oh, you're making a joke about my sister. Yeah, I was focusing just on the kids. I don't joke about yourself. No, I know you. Sorry, I missed the joke. Josh, or not Josh, Randy Shaver, a listener says that a milk shake. Oh, no, here we go. And they're saying it, they're pronouncing it like that in honor of Ashley, who's off today. They're saying a milkshake these days is $8.

$9, $9. Between 9 and 12 seems to be the consensus. My wife also says milk. She's a milk. Yeah. I grew up with a kid who said milk and penthouse magazine. And if he wanted to write something, he'd say, does anyone have a pin or a pencil?

And I wanted to choke him to death for that. Is it a Minnesota thing? I don't know. But a Minnesota thing is the Minnesota State Fair. Trudette. Randy Shaver will be there. Go find him in the Star Trib building. I know.

And toss some feces at him. Please do. The restaurant with the, whose logo is the girl with the red hair is what? Yeah, Wendy's. Yeah, I used to say Wendy's. We worked with Wendy, and I would always say windy, and I never noticed it until Nick pointed it out. He's like, you know, it's Wendy, not windy.

Right. Oh, pillow, instead of pillow, people are saying. Sure. That goes along with the milk and the pint house and the pin and the pencil. Yeah, it's a pillow. Don't even get me started on the derelict that I worked with here years ago. Yes, here we go right away. Someone already knew I was going to bring it up.

A listener named Brian brought it up on the text machine. Yeah, the guy who said, anybody hungry? Anybody want to go and get a hutt dog? H-U-T-D-O-G, a hoot-hut dog. And I just said, timeout. If we're going to work together, you're going to need to know how to pronounce that. It's a friggin' hot dog. Could he say like hot?

Would he say hot normally? I don't remember. All I remember about the guy. Like hot dish, or would he say hot dish? That I don't know, Josh. I just know that he would aggravate me with that. Okay. Oh, Jewish Jesus said people that say bagel.

I think I say it bagel. Bagel. Bagel. Wait, now I don't even know how to say. Well, there are those who say bagel. Bagel. What? Bagel.

I got to say it without thinking about it. Not bagel. They say bagel. Bagel. Every morning, Ashley does have a bagel. Okay, now I don't even know if I'm saying it, I normally do. Brian asked if I like Wendy's.

Yes, I do like Wendy's. Why? Get back to us on that way. Get back to Josh on his liking of Wendy's. Warsh coming in here, Crick. My mom's side of the family says Crick and Warsh. Tuesday, Wednesday. We could do this all day.

Yeah. My mother was a Warsh. Get a Warsh clothes. Do you guys have any cricks in your family? family? Sure. Sure. Cricks instead of creek.

You got to remember, Josh, my dad's side of the family, I mean, we're just Bush people. You know, they just, they were woods people. So, yeah, I got a lot of that. All right. Randy Shaver, we could talk about this. We could talk about that. For starters, a theme is forming this week. and the theme is

moron youth sports coaches making themselves out to be absolute jackasses we've already discussed this subject earlier in the week but like Josh said it must be football season because they just keep coming

these effing guys they've come up with some great stuff already and we're just getting started with the football season come on in everybody this is going to be fun my son's first games tonight and I'm wondering if we'll see any action like that I hope so I hope you get luck you'd be coming with a great story tomorrow I will be texting you guys if anything weird hopefully nothing happens but I guess for show purposes it might be kind of fun how about this Josh if the fourth quarter is winding down and it's been tame you take one for the team and you go do

something stupid I'll be the guy you be the guy you go there the folding chair and you cause some chaos I don't want to be the guy but okay if I have to be the guy so let's see what happened here and it's another video you can enjoy I imagine this is up on 93X.com. No, Ashley wasn't able to make it in today, so. Oh, I thought maybe she would have passed that responsibility on to somebody else. She wasn't able to, unfortunately. Well, then thanks for nothing, Ashley.

Well, not her fault. Look this one up, then, if you can. In Pittsburgh, another tough guy, youth football coach wet his little shorts during a completely meaningless ball game made up of, oh, I don't know, fifth graders. I don't know what triggered this numb skull, but he rages all over the ball field. He shoves and then tackles the coach from the opposite club.

He takes a violent swing at a female coach from the other ball club. Total meltdown. The kids were on the field to see it all. I do feel good for the kids because now they've got a, a legendary story to tell. The game was stopped. They had to shut it smooth down. This little itty-bitty rageball coach is all done, I'm sure.

I have seen some close coach fights. Nobody ever threw any punches, but just chest bumping and a little bit of pushing. Right. It's currently unknown if any adults went to jail over this goat F. I don't know how you didn't put little sought-off half coach in jail for what he came up with. If you watch this video, for what he accomplished out there, I think he deserved to spend at least a night in jail. Wouldn't you agree, Josh?

Absolutely. He assaulted a couple people. If he were to connected with that punch to that female coach, her lights would have went out. Yeah, he should have had a night to think about it, for sure. Now, here's more on the subject. The cops in New York are investigating, so this is being treated as a criminal case. The cops in New York are investigating a report that a high school football coach threw a helmet at one of his players' face. The kids' parents say that this assistant coach for this high school kids' ball club hit their son in the face with a thrown helmet

during practice. Kid was setting on the bench where back in my days of youth football, you could always find my boy Wang. Holding it down? He did. But I can tell you a story about when Wang got on the field once. Oh, no. Remind me to tell the Wangster.

Kid sitting on the bench and the coach threw the helmet his way. The parent said that the helmet hit the kid in the mush, and he was, quote, bleeding all over the place. three stitches right under his eye and a possible concussion were the end results of this thrown helmet. I wish this was on video and it's not. As of a couple days ago, the police have not arrested this assistant coach. Several of the kids on this here high school football club, they saw the helmet get tossed, but they couldn't tell whether the coach meant to throw it at the kid or not.

I just love this stuff. Do we have to cancel youth sports? Do we have to just shut it down? What do we do? I have a talk. I mean, they go through so much, I guess I'll call it parent training now, right? Right. Don't do this.

Go ahead. I'll just say, I think this is a very small percentage. I mean, we read about it and talk about it only because it's different. 95% of the youth people, the youth coaches are do a good job. I was thinking more like 65, maybe. No. 59, 58%.

I think it's larger than that. I really do. But like a lot of other things in our daily lives, it used to be so simple. We as a society, for some reason, we aren't able to process these things in a mature manner anymore. Well, all of a sudden, it's obvious to me that in the last 20 years or so, a lot of us failed to grow up. I'm not sure how or why this all changed, but it did. Grown folks just can't deal anymore. It is different.

It's different. And I don't know what happened. So I would say the generation of kids who grew up where everybody gets a ribbon and a medal have become parents. And those, I'm serious. I know you are. I have fun with this subject. I apologize. Those are now parents.

Yeah. And that's a carryover from them growing up. The slightest little bump in the road and they go nuclear. So for Egan football, on one of the parent meetings, they said, here's the thing. If there's something you know you want to talk about with your kids playing time or something like that, don't bother. Just don't email us. Oh, but they will anyway. Probably.

I totally understand why they do that. say, hey, you know, your kid, if they got something they want to say, they can say something to us, but just everybody chill out a little bit. You know, last week, in great thanks to Josh, I was lucky enough to get my boat sold. I was dying to sell my boat before the end of the summer. And again, Josh introduced me to a guy, and I got my boat sold. And you know the saying, we covered it a week ago, the happiest day in a boat owner's life, The two happiest days in a boat owner's life is when he buys the boat

and when he finally sells that sum bitch. Right? From the stories that I hear in the last 10 years from friends of mine who coach, and I have quite a few friends who coach youth sports, it sounds to me now like that slogan could be shifted over, and you could say the happiest day in a youth sports coach's life is when he lands that gig and when he's finally able to walk away from it. I could see that.

Because the guys that I know that have now walked away from coaching, they say it is such a weight off their shoulders because of the constant garbage. You know, from the kids, from the players, from the opposite coaches. Yeah. Sorry, Josh. Go ahead. I was just going to say, too bad Brad's not able to join us today because he's still coaches. It'd be interesting to, he's never really shared too many stories like that.

I don't know if he just doesn't have any or. Because they're all about him of him blowing up and him getting in trouble. Oh, he's the guy. I never consider that someone here might be the guy. Yeah, he'd tell the story like, yeah, so there's this one guy, and then he later change it to himself, and they'd like, no, no, no, I meant the guy who's doing this. Yeah, I wonder. I wonder if he's dealt with anything like that.

Because I was kind of surprised that hockey parents almost are unfairly picked on now, it seems, because maybe there's a shift here. But it seemed like they were always the ones that had the reputation. But I learned softball parents were a little bit like that, too. And sometimes some of them were kind of scary, angry about really minor things, I noticed, especially the tournaments. It's all scary. Brad probably has some stories.

It's all concerning. And again, this is a theme is forming. We'll see how deep into the football season we go. See how many more of these coaches we can put in jail. But what a riot. Put in jail. Well, I mean, the guy that threw the helmet probably, well, maybe he could have used the night. The first guy who was taking.

and the swings at everybody on the ball field. Like I said, I think he deserves at least one night in jail. I don't know about the guy who threw the helmet at the kid's face. Have you ever thrown something and it got a little closer to the person than you intended? Well, yeah. When I almost killed my brother with a pickaxe. Well, no, you intended to hit him, though. But, I mean, if out of frustration you threw something,

oh, geez, that was pretty close to the person. I didn't mean to... Boy, I don't know. I mean, all I can think of is when I tried to kill my twin brother with a pickax. Yeah, that one you tried. Oh, so this is... Is that the first time you ever had bad aim while throwing? Probably, yeah.

Thankfully, that was the time. Normally I hit my mark. I was a hell of an athlete. But you're asking me if I've ever thrown something out of frustration and then, oh, God, that almost hit someone in the face. That kind of a thing? Yeah. That's a good question.

I'm not sure I can piece that one together. Dear SPS, Jesus had been coaching youth hockey for the past 10 years. Last season, he got yelled at by a parent for not playing his own kid more. Wait, what? Maybe his kid must have been one of the better ones on the team. Hey, coach, you idiot, play your son more? That's like a mind-down. Yeah, it is.

My favorite playing time story from when I played sports, my dad was their basketball coach. He was fifth or sixth grade, and we were still doing equal playing time. You know, 10 guys in the team. That five goes out, halfway through the quarter, the other five comes in, you know, that type of thing. Right. One player didn't play in the second half,

and his dad called my dad all hammered at like, 10.30. You said it was supposed to be equal playing, John. Why didn't, why don't my kid playing the second half? Why are you putting the other kids? And he goes, uh, because your son followed out midway through the second quarter. I couldn't play him anymore. Yeah, that's not your fault. Yeah. There are rules involved. Oh, I didn't know that. So, my pal, Wang, have you guys had the opportunity to meet Wang? I still met Wang. No, yeah. I don't think so. I mean, I met so many of your friends over the years. Wang. He's got a good heart that Wang. But I was joking around earlier about how, you know, when I was playing youth football, that's where you could find Wang, planted on the bench. But one glorious day, he got himself out onto the ball field. And the sum bitch came up with an I-N-T. Now, number one, it was like I've bitched about over and over again in this program. It was shocking that anybody ever threw the ball because our coaches were so boring and lacked so much creativity.

God, if the quarterback dropped back to pass, the 10 or 12 parents who were at the game just, right? And then there would just be a wobbler that went nowhere. Usually, because they didn't teach us how to throw. All we did was run the ball. It's a coach's fault. So anyway, the opposite club drops back to pass. Wang comes up with a wang.

He came up, Josh, with a wangterception. Did he really? Yes. Problem was he had so little experience carrying the football for real. that he was, once he got his hands on that football, he's going down the sideline like he's walking on a sidewalk, just not in any kind of a protective, you know, football pose, you know, where you get your body kind of, you know, lower your body. You guys know what I'm talking about.

Your typical. Right. He's just straight as an arrow. Bo-da-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Wang got an I-N-T. some dude from the other team had a beeline on him from the word go. Oh no. And I mean buried his helmet in Wang's chest. I don't know what sailed higher above the bench.

Wang or the friggin football. It was like he got launched out of a cannon. We could not run a play. We got a delay of game because we now had possession of the football. We got to delay a game because no one could stop laughing in order to get organized to run a play. Coaches included. Wang got airmailed, damn near smoothed, the long lake. And it was, I still celebrate that. It's like T.J. Hawkinson. Has he ever been hit normally? Yes. Good, good comparison. He's always acrobatic. Or Cadry Ismail. In the history,

in Godry Ismail's career as a Minnesota Viking receiver, and kick returner. Never once was he just simply tackled. He was obliterated. And Hawkinson's a good example. Yeah, Hawkinson's like that wrestler is kind of overselling for like dramatic flair with like the legs flying. There's got to be like a montage somewhere on YouTube with Hawkinson.

I mean, it's very dramatic. All right, a couple people on the topic of throwing something out of anger and it accidentally hit somebody. Yeah. This person says I was once so pissed during an argument. I was writing something with a Sharpie. I threw it. It bounced off the counter, square into the old lady's face,

black eye and everything. I felt like the world's biggest piece of crap. Dang. Somebody else threw a pillow out of frustration, knocked over their one-year-old. Through a pillow and knocked over a baby? Whoopsies. You got the baby.

Got the baby. It's madness out there, Randy Shoehra. I don't know how you make it through the day. Back to this high school foot. football coach, then we can move on. Back to this high school football coach that may or may not have thrown a helmet at one of his players' faces

and cut the kid up. I had a high school hockey coach that I, he was a friggin moron, and I hated him from day one. He and I butted heads every single day. One game, I was doing my best to drive him crazy by questioning everything that he did. That was my thing.

every line change, every piece of advice he was dishing out on the bench, I challenged it because he sucked and I knew better. Anyway, at one point or another during this game, I got him to completely melt down. I was sitting on the bench, jaw jacking him at every turn, like I said. He flipped out and he broke his clipboard over the top of my head. And let me tell you, even though I was wearing a helmet, that effing hurt. All bad.

My ears started to ring. you know, looking back, I'm guessing he gave me a concussion. I got up. I told him he was the dumbest effing coach I'd ever seen in my life. I told him some other things that I can't repeat on the radio. And I left. And when I left, I even skated out onto the ice during live play, so we got a too many men in the ice penalty,

just to piss him off a little bit more. That night, he called my folks place looking to apologize and get me back on the team, but I refuse to talk to him. Josh, is it bad that my only regret is that I didn't physically attack him on the bench that night? Well, it seemed very you. I guess if you didn't feel that way, I would assume that was somebody else. But look at what we're talking about. He was a 40-year-old man.

I was a 16-year-old kid. He hit me over the head with a clipboard. I mean, he had it coming. Yeah. Is that what a youth sports coach should do? Should he be breaking clipboards over kid? Not at all. My only regret is I didn't attack him right there on the bench.

Well, he had a concussion. I bet if you had your wits about you, you would have. Oh, twins hang on to win a close game with the Tigers last night. Oh, it was a nail biter. That was great. I mean, wow, they scored 10 runs in one half inning. That was the sixth inning. 15 to 2.

They beat the twins. Lewis had a three-run. I'm sorry, tigers. Lewis had a three-run dong. Jeffers had a three-run dong. Clemens, Yard, Cole Pepper, two hits. They're just murdering the Tigers in this series. I wonder what the mindset was about pre-lipped,

starting but pitching five innings. Yeah, I don't know. I don't get why they did that last night. I don't either. So they win game one of the series 11 to 1. Last night they went 15 to 2. Yep, they're off to a good start. They got one more tonight.

They've only gained a half game, though, in the wildcard chase. That's the problem. And the problem is there's so many teams ahead of them. It's going to take some work. It's going to take some work. Yeah. Dean Kramer pitches tonight for the twins. This has been a riot so far.

Oh, Josh told us this earlier. This is cute. This has become a trend. I think were the Philadelphia Eagles the ones to start this trend where they make a little Hallmark movie Eagles fans who fall in love? And then the Kansas City Chiefs started doing it. I thought the Chiefs might have been first. Do you guys know these cheesy Hallmark?

Randy Shaver, have you seen them on your television? On Hallmark? Oh, my gosh. My wife watches it all the time. I do, too. I have probably stumbled across it. Okay. Yeah, what was it?

Holiday Touchdown, a Chief's love story. God. I mean, I just, there isn't enough, there isn't a big enough puke bucket for me, I don't think, to watch that. So they've done the Chiefs, and they did Bill's in 2025, and last year was the Bears.

Well, now Randy Shaver, your childhood, your childhood ball club, the Chicago Cubs are the latest team to jump on this gimmick. They have filmed, or how do I say this? The Chicago Cubs are going to release a rom-com that was filmed largely at Wrigley Field, and they call it nine innings to love. Stupid.

Ooh, that brings me back to Motley Crew, 10 seconds to love. Yeah. What album Shout at the Devil, what year in 1983? He's got that cool opening riff by Mick Mars. Then you used it as an insult in school, didn't you? Oh, that's right. Now you've got to make me tell another high school story. It was a kid that I paled around with, and he hooked up with just a missile.

One night at a beer party, he hooked up with this missile. And they bumped. But she went around school. When we got back to school on Monday, she went around school saying, yeah, I bumped with dude. But it was like instant. He finished immediately. So she's making fun of this guy all around the high school saying, yeah, you know, dude, yeah, he couldn't hold it. So then the rest of the school year, whatever dude would walk by, we'd say, 10 seconds to love.

10 seconds to love! if you know the old song by Motley Crew. 10 seconds of love, of course. Features the legendary line, Josh. Touch my gun, but don't pull my trigger. Let's make history in the elevator. Oh. Anyway, they did a lot of drugs.

They tried. So the Chicago Cubs have this new rom-com, nine innings to love. It's going to be available on TikTok, but I don't understand this language. You guys know that. It's 17 episodes long. My lord.

What? Well, if it's on TikTok, maybe they're only like five or six minutes each. Oh. Is that how it works? I don't really know TikTok. People send me TikToks and I watch them occasionally, but that's about all my experience with it. Randy Shaver, the movie, nine innings to love, is about an aspiring romance writer. As she helps her seatmate, so whoever sits next to her at the Cubs games regularly,

she helps her seatmate find love inside Wrigley Field. all before the final out. This just sounds awful. Yeah, I've never been into movies like that, but you like that kind of thing, Danny? I just kind of watch it because of how stupid and bad they are. You know, they're also predictable. It's always, you know, the woman who left her hometown to go be a corporate exec comes back to the small town and falls in love with their ex-boyfriend who runs the Christmas tree farm.

That's right. There's a plot of every single one of them. I've seen previews, and you're right, there are a lot of Christmas tree farms. There are. Those are very popular, though. Oh, yeah. And it's basically the same actors who rotate through all these movies. There's very little change in the actors.

Danica McKellar who played Winnie on The Wonder Years. She's in there. Wow, well, we will. Yeah, hot stuff. Is this for real John Deere Jesus has texted the program to say Hallmark has done a U.MD hockey movie? Yeah, they did. What's that one called? I can't remember, but it's fun.

Brett Hull used to play here? They clearly filmed it in like October before it started snowing, so they have to like try to make it look creative like that. It's actually wintertime when it's clearly sunny and 70. It's a good watch. Is it called Checking It Twice or Merry Kiss Cam? Oh, I think there was a kiss cam involved. I'm going to go ahead and disagree with that It's a Good Watch.

I almost let it go, but it's a good watch because of how bad it is. It's one of those examples. Oh, well, there you go. I didn't know that UMD was honored with their. own little romance movie on the Hallmark Channel. That is a hell of a deal. All right, what else is going on? The Vikings, yes, Radie, go right ahead. I was just going to say back to the twins for a second. ESPN put up a strength of schedule for the remaining playoff contending teams, and the twins have almost

the easiest schedule to finish. Not quite. So if there's anything that's encouraging, that and the fact Joe Ryan threw three innings

in St. Paul last night and might be on his way back, which would be very helpful if they're trying to contend. But at least the schedule doesn't feel daunting for the twins.

So they do get three with Cleveland at some point here mid-September, which could turn out to be a pretty critical series for them. All right. Hey, the Vikings hired a new outside linebacker by the name of Kyle Van Noy. He's played the last three seasons with the Baltimore Ravens.

And for Pete's sake, they say he should be able to help rush the passer along with that silly Van Ginkle character and a kid called Dallas Turner. It says here last year wasn't good for Kyle Van Noy, but maybe he can change things around. Oh, Josh, it says here last year he finished the season with just two sacks. Remember when Jesse Ventura had those two sacks back in the day?

He got out a lot of stuff because of those two sacks. He didn't know what to do with them if I'm remembering correctly. Was that what it was? Jesse Vintra. Yeah, he had those two sacks. Yeah. People would ask him. to do stuff and he couldn't because of the two sacks. Randy Schaber, while you're clipping your fingernails,

what do you think of the hiring of Kyle Van Ney? I think it's just a just a person to help them with the locker room and somebody to give them some depth. They lost a kid named Tyler Beatty to a torn ACL who they were counting on

a little bit on the outside, but I don't hold a lot of hope that Kyle Van Nuoy is going to help them a lot. He does know. know the defensive coordinator. He does know how that works, but I just don't see that as a big signing. Here's something that you probably don't hear people say out loud very often about a professional athlete.

It says here that Kyle Van Nuoy is 35 years old. I looked at a picture of him. He looks older than that. Yeah. He looks tired. He does. He doesn't look 35. He looks 45.

All right. A website called the big lead.com has listed the 10,000. The Timberwolves as overrated. They say the timber wolves are overrated and they'll have a worse season than they did a year ago. They mentioned that the wolves traded Julius Randall and Nas Reed, but they acquired Lamello's balls and Jonathan Cominga. And they work it out like this year. I can't argue with any of this, really. They work it out like this.

They say the Timberwolves definitely improved on paper, but with young teams, it usually takes some time. Josh, time. It takes some time to adjust. Their starting five is among the best in the league. They have all the right depth to be a great team. So the issue is not skill, but the chemistry. It could take a while. Yeah.

And they might find themselves fighting to get into the playoff. Now, like I said, I can't agree with that. If you've been watching the wolves over the last few seasons, you saw how long it took Rudy Gobert to fit in. You saw how long it took Julius Randallel. to fit in. It's a natural thing. It takes a while for teams. So I'm not going to be pissy about that prediction.

I would also say that the Wolves team is going to lack some size. That could be something that hurts them during the course of the year. Jonathan Kaminga is a good player, but he's been inconsistent throughout his career too.

So there's some question marks for sure. I mean, there's some talent there. Absolutely. The talent is there. But I think that's going to be one of the underlying storylines on this team is how well can they, how fast can they mold together to be, you know, a consistent basketball team. Yeah. All those moments will be lost in time. Oh, God.

Like tears in rain. Time to die. Love that. God rest the soul of Rutger Hauer, Blade Runner. So if in Vegas, Nick, the Timberwolves over-under number for winning games was at 49? Oh, wow. Would you take the over? No.

Really? Because I think I agree with what was written about having so many new pieces come into the mix. What did they finish with last year wins? Oh, they have to be just over 50, I'm going to guess. I don't have it in front of me. I would not take the over on 49. Wow. So they might not win as many ball games as last season,

but we got the bang bros, brothers. They won 49 on the nuts last year. 49 on them? Damn, those guys are cool, the bang bros. They've got chemistry? Just Edwards and Mamello, whatever is. Just the two of them working for the same company creates the potential for a full-on riot,

and I'm excited to see it. Have we confirmed that they made it back from Paris, or they still over in Paris banging? I don't know. I don't know. But if they are still in Paris, they bang it. That's cool, too. Well, let's take a minute now, before we go,

let's take a minute to talk about one of my favorite all-time Timbaloa. Death from above. Oh, yeah. Kevin Love. There's another rumor going around that he might work for the wolves again. Now, that would be terrific. That'd be a lot of fun. The bang bros and death from above, Kevin Love on the same roster?

He would kind of take the role of the, I'm sorry, I can't think of his name, the Australian. Ingles. Ingles, yeah, kind of take that role. Well, you might get off the bench a little more often than Ingalls did. He might. Yeah, but I mean. I would hope he would. Just that veteran in the locker room, that steady presence, kind of a guy.

Now, do you think, other than what you stated, yes, no question. But do you think the wolves? are considering hiring Kevin Love to maybe babysit the bang bros a little bit? You know, he'd play that role of responsible veteran to try and lend guidance to the buckwild, sexually active young people on the roster. He might play the role of babysitter.

That's honestly not a bad thought. You might. If I'm Finchie, first team meeting, I say, I know we usually only double up on hotel rooms, but every road trip this year, it's going to be K-love and the bang-brose rooming together. Three of you. You're going to have to go twinsies in one bed

because I'm putting K-love with the bang-brose every road trip. Oh, boy. K-love will never get any sleep. No. Pacing back and forth like a worried mom. He'd age a lot next season. They finally come stumbling in. I called the hospital.

I called the police station. He's looking at us, Watch, it's 1059. Where are they? Yeah. They open the door. He's just sitting in the chair with a single lamp on. Yeah, yes.

No, the lights off. They turn the light on and he's sitting there. Finchie and Caleb up all night. And then right as the sun breaks, Josh, in the morning, the bang throws roll in. Both of them pushing a stroller. Oh, God. Got a new one.

So it says here, the wolves want to add more depth at power forward. And at least right now, it appears their number one target is death from above. And I can still see him, I can still see him chipping in. I really can. He could. Yeah. I mean, they are sitting in a salary situation where their options are limited. That's for sure.

So this just might be, it might be a good fit for love to close out his career to come back home. And it might be really good for the wolves to have. that presence. Here's a guy that texted in and said, Kevin Love, hanging out with the bang bros, they'd probably have a negative influence on him, and Kay Love would have two new babies by the end of the basketball season.

It backfires. Bitch, what have I done? They're so cool, it changes him. Damn, those guys are cool. And it does also note that somebody has talked to Kevin Love, and he is open to coming back to Minnesota. Boy, we had a good time while he was here. I mean, he didn't have the greatest teammates around him all the time.

But, you know, I was actually watching some old video recently. I forget that Kevin Love played with Carl. And I forgot about some of the other, you know, Ricky Rubio was there. It wasn't all bad, you know, a lot of it was, but they had some competitive teams there. The Pecker, Nicola Peckovich. Yeah. They had some decent pieces there. So that would be great.

So there you go, Randy Schaver. What do you think? Oh, oh, you're heading off to the fair today, so we'll wish you luck one more time. Thank you. Get that frigging shirt off as soon as you walk in. It'll drop your body temperature by a few degrees. Get yourself that milkshake, maybe pour the milkshake all over yourself. And a pair of shorts or any that you probably wore back in, like, high school or college, that type of length.

I've got a pair of those. They're coming back in style. Some of those old Larry Bird, Boston Celtic type shorts. Oh, yeah. Have fun at the fair, Randy. All right, thank you. We'll talk to you on Friday. The 93X half-assed morning show.

Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up

or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. Even if your injury was years ago, don't wait. Call Bialki Law today.

or go to balkylaw.com. That's b-a-l-l-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-Side. Half-A-M-A-S-Morning show, 93X. It is the Wednesday vibe, the Wednesday flavor of the 93X. Half-A-S morning show. We've reached 8.30 in the morning. We love you, and we mean that. We would. Josh and I have agreed on this. When we look at you, we would. Never met a zero, all ones.

Every time. Hey, gentlemen, we got the word from our promotions department. We did. There are only 40 tickets left for our silly rock the river boat crews coming up September 18th. 40. So I would advise you put down the joint stick and get on that website of ours, 93x.com, and buy your tickets now before some other Gibroni

pulls the rug out from under your sorry ass. Yeah, only 40 left. They could go pretty quick. Quicker than you can say Jack Robinson. We got the word that we're coming down to the wire here, folks, if you want to go on that stinking boat ride with us. Let me give you the rest of the deal. details on this deal.

September 18th, I mentioned. It's a Friday. 7 to 10 p.m. Ooh. I have a prediction, Josh. By September 18th, and weather's going to cool down, it'll be something nice.

You know, we're just buried in this wet, hot, awful. I predict by September 18th, we're going to have a nice, nice ride. Yeah, I wouldn't mind that at all. Although it's always comfortable on the boat. They do a good job there. You're pretty good at finding a comfortable spot.

I'll sit in the air conditioning. September 18th, 7 to 10 p.m. on the Mississippi River. Jesus, the folks at Paddleford Riverboats in St. Paul, they've been helping us out year after a year, twice a year, hooking us up. We appreciate it a lot. 25 bucks, that's what it costs you to step aboard. There'll be live music. A band called Rock Brigade. We're looking forward to meeting these characters.

you're looking for something or another to eat we'll have food on the boat from the lookout and Maple Grove we've all been there before we dig that joint thank you to the lookout the whole smear brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive

3rd Avenue and Main Street and of course another group of people that have been so helpful for decades anytime bail bonds I don't remember a boat cruise without them anytime bail bonds

anytime whenever you need them I saw they answer the telephone over there speaking of Hogbauer Hogbauer Automotive, Third Avenue and Main Street. That's where they're located. There will be, they've reordered all the sizes. They ran out of shirts at the fair. Thank you for those of you that were able to come out and purchase one.

So they've re-ordered them. There should be a whole fresh stock. Good to go. The Hogbauer Automotive television, that doesn't make any sense. The Hogbauer Automotive T-shirts are selling at a wicked pace out there at the merch booth at the state fair. Ordering more of them, huh? Yeah, already did. All right.

So there's your little warning. Oh, here we go. We'll go this route. Let's talk a little bit about what's going on on the godless internet. Someone just asked the internet this question. Well, they didn't really ask the internet. They asked people who hang out on the internet. The question is this.

What's a skill? Almost everyone thinks they're good at. until they meet someone who's actually great at it. Now they used an example here. Their example is, have you ever had a friend show you how to play pickleball? You play for five minutes and you think to yourself, Christ, I'm a natural at this.

And then a couple 70-year-old geysers hit the court. They clean you out and it made you realize that you might need to sign up for some lessons. You thought you were good at it. until you met someone who was actually great at it. Here's some examples further from again the godless, soulless, evil, wildly misinformed internet. Fighting. Oh, yeah.

That'd be a rude awakening if you find out mid-fight. Maybe I'm not so good at this. That's usually when people find out, right? Here's the key to a fist fight, in my opinion. You hit them low and you hit them before they know they're in a fist fight. right Josh right that's the way to do it low blow before they have any idea that there's a conflict happening but that's a good example you thought you knew what you were doing and then you run into someone who's actually great at it fighting who's a good way to get

yourself a bed in the emergency room but yeah I've seen some and I've been in some bad fist fights, bad fist fights. And then you see a couple of the guys who have that skill set, Jesus, you might as well give me a beer and a bucket of popcorn because it's something to see. It is. Yeah, everybody had that, there's always like a one guy in your group of friends, right? The guy in our group of friends, you would never guess. And that might have made him even more effective as a fighter.

Right. And he also was the less- Wasn't physically imposing. No. I mean, he was a decent-sized guy, and he never. really wanted to fight, but he won every fight. Yeah, well, there was always

one guy in your friend group who was a really good fistfighter. Some of us had two or three friends who were really good with the fist fights. And there was also one dude who thought he was. Yeah, there usually is. Oh, my God. Especially when drinking. I remember one of my pals

just made a fool of himself, a fool of himself. We kind of had one of these deals. I don't know if it was a high school hockey game or high school football game, Next thing you know, there's 10 of us and 10 of them. We're Wysetta guys. They're Minnetonka guys, Hopkins, whoever it was. And one of my pals, he was out to prove himself.

Because in my group of friends, we did have some real bruisers. We did. We had some dudes who knew how to fight, and they loved to do it. So I think this one buddy of mine, he was just desperate to prove that he belonged. Talked a big game. And here we are in this face-to-face, you know, rumble or whatever you want to call it. And he stepped up. And he just made a jackass out of himself.

The good news was the guy that stepped up to fight him also was terrible at it. So it was like this little comedy show. Okay. What else is there? Oh, back to guys from my childhood who could fight. My brother was very good at it. I can imagine. I just remember one particular brawl.

Again, it was at a high school football game. my brother usually knew when to quit. On this particular night, he didn't know when to quit. He's just bouncing this dude's skull off the pavement. You know, he knocks a guy down, and then every punch he delivered to this guy's face, the guy's back of his head would hit the pavement and bounce rat back. So it was like this thing, Josh.

It was like the punching bag? Like a punching bag. Speed bag, yeah. Just punched to the face, guy's skull would hit the pavement, bounce rat back up, punch the. So he's like drumming this guy's. A parent, a grown person who was at this game, walked up, put his hand on my brother's shoulder and said,

hey, hey, hey, hey. And my brother stopped. And that guy said, I think you got him. Your brother also kind of seems like going into a fight, he doesn't necessarily care if he wins or loses. He just wants to fight. Like I don't see him fearing anything. Whatever happens, happens.

When we were young that was absolutely. The truth. He doesn't care how it ends. I just want to fight. All right. Another skill that almost everyone thinks they're good at until they meet someone who's actually great at it. Storytelling.

I don't know. How do you think? I mean, that's a tough one for me. I would never think like that'd be easy to be good at or that's such a skill. You wouldn't think you'd need to run into somebody who's great at it. You just kind of know because there's so many people that are good. and there are people that are excellent at it. Like yourself, you know, there's people that are so good at it.

Oh, stop it. Although we did work with someone. I can't remember the exact quote. Not to be mean, but they said something very positive about their delivery or their sense of humor or something. And we kind of tried our best not to stare at each other. Oh, yes. I know what you're talking about. It was so out of character and we were shocked that they felt that way. I can't remember exactly what it was.

I remember the details. This was a character that we worked for years ago, and they were a decent enough person. We didn't dislike this person, but neither one of us, despite knowing them for years, I don't think either one of us would call them funny. Yeah, not an insult at all. They were a wonderful person. They weren't terribly. Just didn't think about that.

No. If we were to sit and talk about who have been the truly funny people we've crossed past with in this building, this character would not fall into the top 10. Like Josh said, not trying to insult anybody. They just weren't naturally funny. Doesn't come to everybody. Nor was this person a great storyteller at all. But one night we're hanging out, and this character was talking about a new girl he was

dating or something, right? Yep. And he said, you know, what my new girlfriend wasn't really ready for. was, I don't think she's ever dated someone who's funnier than her. And we said, huh? You know what I mean? Did I tell that correctly? It's actually, it's backwards.

What? He had said, you know, she's really funny, and it feels weird because I'm usually the funny one in the relationship. That's right, right, right. She's really funny, which is awkward for me because I'm usually the really funny one. I'm like, it's shocking to me because I'm always the funny one. And Josh and I wanted to say, when the hell did you? You become funny. Yeah, again, not an insult to the person at all, but I was pretty shocked that they thought

they were really good at it. Storytelling, okay, you think you have that skill set, and then you run into someone who's actually great at it. Sure, I understand that. What about karaoke? Karaoke. Yeah, I could see that. I don't know anybody that's ever said they're really good at it.

Well, because I know what we used to always go to the college joints, because there was just drunk college kids wailing away, singing. and then I think people got too much confidence. Then they went to some real karaoke bars, and they saw how some people could really do it. I could picture somebody of a rude awakening going to their first real actual karaoke lounge, like the Vegas lounge.

You know, Nick, one of your ex-girlfriends, if she said that, I'd believe it. She was an incredible singer. You know, there are folks who are just up there to F off, and there are folks who really think that there are music producers in the beer hole with contracts in hang. Yeah, it's usually the person hosting, too. Oh, yeah, the Kuroki host.

I've had my run-ins once or twice with... There's a line of, like, 30 people wanting to sing, and they keep going up there every three songs. Like, everybody's waiting for them to get back up there. You think you're good at something, and then you meet someone who's actually great at it. The next example would be driving. Yep, yep, driving.

I'll go ahead again and say that from the word go. I've been impressed by Josh's driving skills. I think I'm competent, but I wouldn't say, like, good. I wish I could do some cool stuff. Picture for a minute a couple of the worst drivers you've ever ridden with. It's a horror show, isn't it? It's a horror. It's frightening.

There are some people, friends of mine, where for God's sake, whenever I get in the car with them, I kiss my ass goodbye. So to be a truly good driver, I have a lot of respect for that skill because there are so many who are just piss poor at it. I definitely know a person who thinks they're an incredible driver and they are anything but they're just lucky that they haven't gotten to crash. That's all it is. Dude. Oh, you know, I've told you before that my old man was not the type to bust a spring. He was one of the most laid back, easy going, fun loving some bitches that ever lived.

But the one time I thought he was going to blow his friggin' stack. my mother, who was a terrible driver, terrible. She was never any good at it from the word go. My dad was, at this moment in time, a retired truck driver, 40-some years without an accident. And I just said recently how my dad could back a trailer anywhere, one of the best drivers I've ever seen in my life. One afternoon, my mom was talking to somebody, and she says about my dad, well, the thing about John is he's just not that great. of a driver. And my dad spun his head around, and I swore I saw smoke come out of his ears.

And he said, I'm not a good driver? 40 years behind the freaking wheel of a big rig without a... I just couldn't understand why she could possibly say that about it. What a weird thing to say? Yeah. Sometimes she just wanted any reason to get a lick in on him. You know what I mean? Piss him off.

Yeah, that'd be a good one. Smoke wrench Jesus said lying. Some people think they're good at. This is a great, I wouldn't have thought of that. That's very good. I mean, you could maybe throw that in with storytelling, but that's great because there are some people that think they've got you fooled. You're a moron. I've got you fooled.

And then there's other people, you're shocked. Like, they were lying the entire time. I can't believe it. That's a great example. That is a really good example. It's embarrassing how some of these people think. They truly think they're fooling us. And they suck at it.

There's a huge, huge difference. between a great liar and a piss poor liar. It is so obvious to me every single time. You're not fooling anybody. I mean, that really can be a talent. Yeah. My wife, she'll fully admit, is she can't lie. And it's not just because she's a good person.

It's because she can't pull it off, even if she tried. All right. Writing falls into this conversation of, you know, you think you're good at a certain tab. until you meet someone who's great at it, writing, writing a story. How do you do it? Yeah, I was curious. How do people...

A full-on author who writes a massive story from start to finish, all out of their own noggin? How the hell do you do that? Yeah. I would run out of ideas before an hour and a half was up. Yeah, how do you make it make sense? Right, yeah. Be that clear and come up with stuff.

Tie it all together. Bulls. We're about ready to karate. kick our way to the exits. Sales staff better clear the way, or it's going to be one of those wapa, oh my word, type situations. There goes sales staff member number one. Right in the face.

I think that's all we got. There might be only one of them. Here's what we've been jibber-jabber and about over the last few minutes. Someone asked the Internet a question. What's a skill? Almost everyone thinks they're good at. until they meet someone who's actually great at it. I thought of one from working in restaurants.

Talk to me. Chopping. I thought I was pretty decent and like, wow, I could probably give tutorials on how fast I can chop. Until I met some people who were good at it, and I just retired at that moment. Did they have all their fingers? Yeah. I mean, just it's like a, I don't even know how to describe. It's beautiful is what it is.

How fast they can get. And perfect. The symmetry is perfect. Everything is the same size. Dude, chopping. Yep, chopping. Remember that old Dana, what was his name from Wayne's World? Dana Carvey.

Remember that old Dana Carvey bit, Chopin Broccoli? Oh, yeah. This is coming to mind, yeah. I saw that bit on my 24-hour Saturday Night Live channel the other day, and I don't understand why that was considered funny at all. But anyway, It was really dumb when I saw it again. It was awful.

I just remember the song. It was terrible. Much about it. Awful. All right. What's the skill almost everyone thinks they're good at until they meet someone who's actually great at it? And we were joking around before we went into commercial that Red Dragon, God damn it.

Red Butcher. God dang it, I should have said. Red Butcher, Jesus texted in with an interesting example of something that you think you're good at until you run into someone who's great at it. And it's not right, and we're not trying to encourage anybody. Some of these are evil, but there's a point. But Red But, uh, Red Butcher Jesus texted in to say drunk driving. There are people that for whatever reason can pull it off.

Oh, God. They shouldn't. Right. And they should never know they have that talent. But I bet we all have that friend who you've made the mistake of getting in a car with them when both of you have been drinking and you thought to yourself, damn, man, you're really good at this. And that's another one where people might think they're good at it and they're absolutely horrible.

True. Bacon, loving, craft beer snob Jesus brings up a good one. Video games. Definitely. You might think you're good at it until you run into somebody great at. Yes. Man, in fifth grade, I thought I was just the king of the world of Mario Kart 64. I could beat it.

I could beat all my buddies' friends. And then get to sixth grade and some of the eighth graders challenged me. And I thought, I'm going to embarrass these guys. It's going to be so funny. It just got worked. very depressing. Oh, they had pubes and everything. Yeah. They had the world by the balls.

I'm going to track those guys down, rematch 25 years later. How about this example? Anything that's played casually, and they include cornholes, bowling, billiards, darts. Yes. A few people text in on cornhole specifically. Those games can be humbling. I, as a regular

pool player, pocket billiards, whatever you want to call it, I can hang in there, I can. But, I mean, put me in a real tournament with guys who do it regularly, they would gas me quickly, quickly. It's a humbling scene when you run into folks who are truly gifted at those bar sports or as they called here, casual sports. BJs. Somebody texted in and said something.

another about BJs. You think you know what you're doing. Then you see a pro, and you go, Jesus, I got to start from square one. I got to say I have yet to give one, but I am overconfident that I could be pretty good at it. Good for you. But, you know, maybe if I run into somebody who's an expert,

that'll change my mind. Here are some other examples. Acting. And there's an explanation here. It looks natural and straightforward, but it's really hard to appear natural when acting. Are you kidding? me, I could have friggin' made it in Hollywood, big time.

I got one for you. I could have made it, Josh. I could have made the big time. I would have been me and Matt Damon in The Departed. You guys would have been best friends. I got one, and this is kind of a weird one, modeling. I've known a couple models, and I've been, you know, for me, like, you guys know, know, I can't take a picture to save my life.

No, you cannot. And there's proof of that from our last visit to the state fair on 93x.com. Oh, no. Are there some bad ones up there? You look terrible. Gosh, I can't figure it out. It's frustrating. So modeling?

Modeling, yeah, just the way they were able to, I mean, being able to smile on command or have a certain look on command and look natural. I thought, well, that's got to be the easiest gig in the world if you know how to smile. But I've seen a couple of photo shoots and I thought, man, there's some talent there. A listener wants to start trouble on the topic of something you thought you were good at until you saw someone who was great at it. Parenting. and we've seen some good and we've seen some bad.

I know I have. Usually the bad are the ones that think they're great at it. You know, I guess you could apply that to pretty much anything. The folks that are talking about how good they are at stuff, usually that's not the case. Otherwise, they wouldn't need to say it. What I've seen a lot of examples of is the cool parent. Go ahead, kids. Smoke that dope.

Drink that beer. Yay. I don't have any rules. I'm the cool parent. Yay! And then a massive reckoning happens. at one point or another? I've been seeing along those lines.

I told you guys at freshman orientation for my son the other week. I've been seeing dads now with mustaches, and that was new to me. They need to cut this out. I saw a bunch more yesterday. Stop it with the mustaches. And at the fair on Saturday, we saw some young guys, and we were even commenting like, hey, how about that? You don't have the mustaches.

You're kind of doing your own thing. So I wonder if now dads are ruining it for the young guys. Kind of like when parents started adopting. six, seven, and the kids were like, well, it's not fun anymore. Yeah, you know, anytime a parent picks up something like that, I remember when my dad said something positive about Metallica, and I thought, ah, dang it, you just ruin injustice for all for me. I think you're giving the dads too much credit that they're all ganging together

and growing mustaches to try to make it uncool so their kids will stop doing. I'm not saying they're trying to. I'm just wondering if that, maybe some of the kids are looking at that, going, well, I can't do that. Dad's doing that. Dancing. A lot of people saying dancing. When you run into somebody really good at it, you're really good at it,

You realize, okay, I'm terrible. Yeah. Another listener texted in, and I know we covered these already, I think, but it's a funny text. He says there are two things that men think they're great at until they see pros go at it, and that's sex and driving. And playing the guitar or a set of drums. Yeah, definitely. I never had any idea that I was special at all on a drum kit.

I knew then when I was a kid and I know now that I'm very basic. I can follow you along. I can keep a beat. I may have a couple of cliched fills in there and whatnot. I never thought of myself as special. But I do remember in high school, there was some other kid at my high school. I mean, there were multiple other kids in my high school, I should say, who were also drummers. But there was one and everyone said, you know, Donnie, he can play Tom Sawyer perfectly by Rush.

And I said, no, he can't. There's no frigging way. A high school kid mimicking Neil Pert for every move on friggin' Tom Sawyer? No, he can't. Part of that denial, I think, was my ego. even though like I said I didn't have an overinflated idea of my skill set but I said I'm not buying it and then I saw the kid do it and it knocked my D in the dirt I'll tell you what like I watch a lot of YouTube videos on various things and you see these 13 and 14 year old kids playing solos that I couldn't

even dream of being able to play it's crazy it's humbling to say the least you know you think you got it down and then a true pro straight and you out, hell it happens to everybody. That's all right. It's good. You get something you can, you realize, shoot, there's a lot to improve on. There you go. And humbling, certainly. Sometimes I've seen things and I thought, well, I'm just giving

up even trying something like that. I didn't even know that was possible. Right. Shut her down for us, Cubby. All right. Happy 23rd anniversary to Becky from Bush Light Jesus. Congratulations to helicopter, Fixer Sheezes. Today's her Friday. That's cool. And

she got a promotion. She's been waiting a little over a year for. Dang, good for you. Yes, that's awesome to hear. And happy belated birthday to happy capy schises from your sis, pole tab voyer sheezes. 93x half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends.

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