93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Welcome to Girth & Bryan from Koo Koo

Episode Date: July 10, 2026

Bryan from Koo Koo stops by to talk about the band's recent performance on America's Got Talent. Urinating with the rich and famous. Everything you wanna know about bong-holeo. Originally aired Friday, July 10, 2026. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We're this. Take until you pukees. It's be bliss. Don't get so. drunk you oopsie duke feel free to dance just like it's true shut your mouth about Josh's mom just be a and with that they're in a clean pair of drawers in our entire listening audience I slipped right off my chair or here in the radio studio that was the slow and sexy R&B version of our booze cruise theme song Josh all I have to say after hearing that tune,

be merciful. Save some foxy ladies for the rest of us. Please have mercy on the rest of us, fellas. God dang. Welcome to the half-ass morning show, everybody. Today is today for our post-independence day boat ride. All week long, Josh has been creating different theme songs for our boat party. Right away, here's a,

that text message saying that was a banger. That was. All week long you've been creating different themes and each song has matched the theme of this year's cruise. Let's be adults about this. And by God, I think the slow and sexy R&B version is by far my favorite. So we saved the best for last thing? Absolutely.

Absolutely. I could listen to that. I mean, I damn near got my clothes off. Let me ask you something. Did that very seductive singer did he say, quote, don't get so drunk, you oopsie, ducky? He did. Sometimes you got to remind people.

If that ain't grounds for a Marconi Award, then I don't know what is. You know, I got a little behind the scenes here. Thank you for that because I played it for my wife and I thought, is this so dumb people are going to be mad at me? I don't get proud of anything that you ever have done in your life. But I was kind of proud of that one. Oh, man. I told my wife, am I off? Like, is that something where people are going to say you're an idiot?

It's beautiful. Listen to the text messages that have come in. That's baby making music. One of our listeners says they think they're pregnant now after hearing that frigging song. That was terrific. Well, I needed that pick me up. I needed it.

And actually, I need something tonight from people coming on the boat. What do you don't mind? What's happening? If you don't mind, I need something on the boat. A little, I need somebody to open up their heart to me. I need to pick me up. I love these boats. cruises, but tonight I really need it.

What has happened? I think I'm going to be kicked out of a friend group. Oh, gosh. I did something that I'm pretty embarrassed about yesterday, and I don't know if I can be friends with this guy anymore. Did you dopsy dokey? No, I didn't oopsie dukey. Okay.

No. I also love how the song makes mention that your jokes about your mother are off limits. Yeah, tonight you can't do that. Tonight is no jokes about it. Why can't you? There's a slogan behind that. Let's be adults. What happened with you and this?

broken friend group. So if I text while driving, I use voice to text. Oh, you've got that. You've got that. You got that figured out, huh? So out loud, I'd say, you know, dictate the punctuation, commas, periods, new paragraphs. Well, how does it sound? I want to know how it sounds when

you voice to text somebody. So, well, this is the how it went yesterday. Because I've never done it. I've never done. Oh, you haven't? No. Okay. Sometimes it'll put the punctuation in for you, but it does it weird. So like, so yesterday I call a friend. He didn't answer. It was his birthday. so I just broke tradition.

I know people prefer tax, but I'm like, I'm going to leave him a voicemail. Sure. So I left him a voicemail, and the voicemail was something like, happy birthday, exclamation point. Hope you're having a great day, period. Eggplant emoji, mouth emoji, water emoji.

And then as I hung up, I realized, oh, my God, I left that as a voicemail. I think you'll understand what you meant, though. I can't answer his calls. I can't get back to him. I've embarrassed myself so much. I think I lost a friend, so I'm hoping someone out there,

will let me be their friend tonight because I can obviously never talk to this guy again. Really? I would have found that hilarious. Hilarious is in I can't be friends with this guy. No, I thought that's clever. That's funny. I felt so stupid.

Yeah, I get it. I get it. You think you've embarrassed yourself a little bit. You didn't realize you were leaving a voicemail. It would have been better had during, you know, the process, I would have realized it. But it was immediately after the, I left that voicemail. I'm done. Thank you. See, this is what I needed. I think you're all right. A couple people text in and said, Ben there. They've done the same thing. I'm so used to it.

And I'm not used. I can't even remember the last time I left a voicemail before that. No. I mean, our boss even has on his outgoing voicemail message, oh, I see you're still leaving voicemail. First time I heard that, I felt great shame. I'm sure you won't be surprised to learn that I am still a voicemail guy and I don't see anything wrong with it at all. I think you're going to be fine. So wait a minute. You have or have not heard from this guy since? I have heard from him. And what did he have to say?

He told me I no longer can be friends with him. Oh, he did. Well, tell you what, you're going to make new friends tonight. You've already made a dozen or so new friends with your R&B song. So who cares about this dude? You've already gained in 10 minutes of broadcasting, however long we've been on the air this morning, you've already gained some new friends.

So this other guy, the guy that you sent the voicemail to, he can fall by the wayside easily. Much appreciate. Yeah, you're all right. By the way, you know, so tonight's party, let's be adults about this. You know what I've noticed on our text machine, which is just hilarious to me.

There are a few people out there who aren't quite understanding the sarcasm of the theme of our booze crews tonight. Let's be adults about this. Now, don't get me wrong. It is true that Josh and I prefer a more casual, relaxed party crowd at this point in our lives.

I mean, we're in our 50s already. We've had our glory days of lawless behavior and all that. So that's why and how we come up with silly themes like, let's be adults about this. But a couple people have texted in and said things like, geez, you guys really know how to take a fun event and turn it into something lame. Oh, yeah.

Shut up. I had one guy say, hey, you know what, did you wait for the slogan after the sales of the tickets? Because I mean, I bet nobody would have bought tickets had you started with this slogan. You got to turn up your sarcasm meter a little bit. You really do. Some of he's got to turn it up. Just the sarcasm meter needs to be...

Again, we would prefer tonight's event to be just a chill type of a vibe. But more than anything, we're kidding, for Christ's sake. I mean, if you're coming on the boat ride tonight, if you're joining us tonight, and you end up annihilated and you vomit all over yourself, we probably won't hang out with you much, but you go right ahead.

We won't try and stop you. I'm fascinated by the ways sometimes we're misinterpreted on this radio show. Yeah. The show is called The Half-Ass Morning Show. Don't ever take anything that we say too seriously. No, and I promise you, we're definitely trying to do a good job. You know, sometimes people are pissed about little things.

But the ones I always, I don't know how to phrase that. That is effing funny. I'll say feel bad about it. I don't want people ever think this. But sometimes people will think there's a message in there that's not being put out. It's just we're saying something as it is, right? We're like, oh, that was a political thing or something. Oh, not at all.

No, yeah. Sometimes I didn't even know something was. political. Oh, I totally get that. All of a sudden, that's a political thing? Absolutely hilarious. No, no, no. Yes, the theme is let's be adults about this. Yes, we prefer a more chill vibe. But if you bought a ticket and you want to be a drunken donkey, get her done. Get her done. Go for it. 7 o'clock tonight. We'll be heading out on to the river.

Speaking of hilarious musical numbers like the one Josh put together, Brian from the local musical group, Cuckoo Kangaroo, will be joining us in studio later on today. Fresh off an appearance on a television program called America's Got Talent. Did you guys watch that? No. So I didn't. And shoot, I wish I could give credit to whoever alerted us that they were on.

I had no idea. I watched it and they were as great as they always are. I kind of got upset a little bit because with the exception of Simon Cowell, who's kind of a renowned jerk, everybody was not cool to them on the panel. Oh, yeah? Yeah, the professionals, and I said, I don't know who it is. One of the women especially.

I have it in front of me here because I was curious myself. The other day when we were talking about cuckoo kangaroo, none of us could name the judges on America's Got Talent. But apparently here's who they are. It's right here in front of me from the godless internet. You mentioned Simon's Cowell. Yep. Howie Mandel.

Howie Mendel's on there. He wasn't terrible to them. B. That's the one. That rings a bell. Who is Mel B? Spice Girl. Oh. She was just not interested at all and she didn't hide it. Oh, really? She was rude about it and at least that was my interpretation. Sorry if I'm, I guess I'm protective of these guys because we know them a little bit. Another judge is Sophia Vergara, who isn't she a gorgeous actress from that show that you like so much? Yeah. Yep. What's that show? Modern family. Oh, right. And then it says something here about Terry Cruz.

Oh, I didn't see Terry Cruz. He's kind of like the sideline reporter. Oh, okay, yeah, because he wasn't a part of it. I would have remembered. I think he's funny. So you watched the episode where Kuku appeared and the judges weren't terribly kind. No, but I'll tell you what, the crowd loved him. I mean, they sang along.

They were so into it. They were booing the judges who were, you know, talking, like Mel B. just couldn't find anything interesting about these guys. She just had a bad attitude about it. it. Okay. And maybe that's her bit. I don't know. Sure. Maybe she's been told to play the heel. And I understand. I'm protective of them, you know, because they're such nice guys. They're Minnesotans. They're trying. You're a fan. I'm a fan. They're awesome. And I'm so excited Brian's coming in. Neal's in California right now. He's in L.A. doing something.

And I don't know. It was, you know, they're cuckoo kangaroo. And it's the same response I saw. They performed at the Minnesota Zoo. And there was like these really tough biker-looking guys. that I don't think they knew what was going on. They just see these guys come up there with gold hip packs and cuckoo kangaroo shirts on. And they start doing their thing. And at first they're like, what the hell is going on? This is so weird.

And eventually they're doing the hand motions. They're really into it. And that's kind of what happened with the crowd. That crowd was so loud. They were so into that. Well, I'll have to ask Brian later today. I mean, you mentioned that the crowd on America's Got Talent was singing along.

I wonder if they were allowed to. fly in some friends and family as support for the for the television shoot well i'm interested in asking him about that i got a i don't know and of course and of course what he thought of the judge's opinion of them i want to play it i we'll have to find out if we have permission to play it i know there's like a weird thing about it so if we can't because i want you to hear the crowd or maybe you can watch it off air okay the crowd i mean it was like um like a wrestling event they were so into these guys okay now i don't follow the show but I'm guessing there's been plenty of bands who weren't received terribly well by the judges

in the history of this television show, however long it's been running. I'm sure there have been a few bands who weren't well received by the judges who still went on to wonderful things. I mean, just because you didn't impress Mel B doesn't mean, you know. And maybe that's her bit, right? Maybe everybody knows how she hates everything. I bet you baby Spice would have loved it. She would have.

Baby Spice by far was the supreme leader of the... Oh, my God. Don't even allow me to go on my baby spice tangent. I'll end up in the nude. Two pumps and a quiver, Jesus. He's who let us know about cuckoo. Thank you. By the way, are they cuckoo now and not cuckoo kangaroo?

Just cuckoo. They shortened it. Do you know why? Is there like a legal thing or something? No, I'm not sure. All right, well, ask Brian about that too. They've had to dump the kangaroo part of their theme song, theme name. What do you call it to?

I noticed it seems like they're just going by cuckoo. band name. David Hasselhoff at one point or another was a judge on America's Got Talent. I'm just reading more and more here about America. I didn't know that. I'm asking. I have no. Oh, yeah, he definitely was.

Oh, okay. I've never saw the show. Never saw it. Sharon Osborne. Oh, here's Howard Stern. I think you mentioned that at one point, Josh. He was a judge. I watched that for him.

I didn't watch a lot. I'm not really into those type of shows. I watched some because he was on it. That's hilarious. All right. Well, that'll be great. We haven't talked to the fellas from Kuku in a long time. Brian will be here around 7.30.

What's going on? Danny, you should have brought that up. My guess of why they dropped the kangaroo is to not have their initials be KKK anymore. You know what? You're probably on to something. You know, that's probably a smart move. I respect that. That might be it.

I remember definitely noticing that. Listeners are asking, what song did Kuku perform? Was it a recognizable one or was it a new single? They said they wrote it for the show. It was called Glitter. Okay, a few listeners are wanting to know, because they're also Kuku fans. They're wanting to know what song was it.

Okay, it was a new one. Aunt Dieter Jesus wants to know what in God's name does David Hasselhoff know about talent? That's a fair question. Fireplace Jesus tells me Baby Spice is not the best spice girl What's your answer, Fireplace Jesus? I don't know how in the hell The choice could be anything other, anyone other than Baby Spice

She was the most adorable I found Posh the most attractive Oh, I thought she was just so phony looking But anyway I'm not looking to start trouble with you, Cubby Oh no, there's something for everybody, right? All right, so 730. we'll hang out with Brian.

Yes, jet plane Jesus. Steel Panther was on America's Got Talent. I watched that one. How did they do? Oh, they did great. They did. I don't think they made it very far, but. Oh, so the judges didn't necessarily love them either.

Yeah, sorry, I thought you meant like, how did they perform? They always perform great. You know what, I'm just going to play this cuckoo kangaroo thing. Glitter! By the way, that crowd response is nothing compared to what comes. I loved it. how did they not move on glitter

I mean listen to the crowd you got to watch it I'm so irritated that they didn't move on because usually if the crowd is going nuts like that hand them the trophy it's a guarantee she says if I remember howie mandel is even like God do you know you guys are great

but I just don't see them moving on in this contest so at least he had something nice to say about him Howie Mandel huh he's been doing that for how long has he been doing that show I don't have a clue beginning saw it. I used to love his stand. Oh, my damn. In the late 80s, Howie Mandel's HBO specials were just absolutely outstanding. He was, for a stretch of time, I mean, that dude was a riot. And then he

kind of became a punchline for a while. Oh, oh, I'm remembering now. Remember Josh 15, 20 years ago when suddenly the last person you wanted to be on planet Earth was a prop comic. Oh, yeah. Suddenly, that was the least cool thing in the entire world. I still don't really know why. Some of my favorites were pro-comers. Because comics are kind of angry, drug-addicted, odd people in general. I can't remember.

Did you like Gallagher? They became very jealous of a carrot top because suddenly he was... And he's hilarious, by the way. Howie Mandel was a prop comic. So, yeah, there was like this angry... turn amongst comedians. We're all going to turn on the prop comics because they're not as good as we are. You know, we regular, just traditional stand-up comics. Gallagher, no, it did not grab me. Maybe just because of my age, and I thought, wow, he's smashing watermelons up there. That's

awesome. I thought that was really cool. It wasn't the props that bothered me about Gallagher. You just didn't like Gallagher? Just didn't like Gallagher. What was the rest of his act besides the smashing fruit? Did he take? Tell jokes. Did he do... Yeah, it's been so long. I don't really remember. Because all he knows is smashing the fruit thing.

Yeah. I don't really recall. I don't know. At one point or another, he had a unicycle. I don't know. Oh, that's pretty sweet. He wore overalls and, I don't know. Just being zany.

Zany is the word, yeah. Sits on Baby Sheez has said, Glitter is actually an old song. Okay, I thought they said they wrote it for the show. Maybe they didn't. Yeah. Watch the video and see how much the crowd's into it. What's the name of the song again?

Glitter. Glitter. Very exciting. And again, Brian from Kuku will be here at 730. Airsoft Jesus said, isn't Kuku a children's band? Yes. As a matter of fact, you can book them for birthday parties and stuff. It's a kids act, I guess.

Yeah, when I saw them. But adults love it too. When I saw them, they were at a Down syndrome charity event. It's pretty cool. Yeah, they, I mean, these guys perform everywhere. I thought it was cool. I'm sorry if I already said this on there. I can't remember if I said this on there.

off to you guys. But my brother-in-law texts me last week, I think it was. And he's like, hey, are you familiar with cuckoo kangaroo? I just met. My brother-in-law lives in California. It's like, I just met these guys. You know, and they'd mentioned they've been on the show before. So it must have been they were out there to film the show. Yeah, oh yeah, I suppose. Yeah, we got guys like north side front load Jesus trying to start trouble already. He says baby spice was the bottom of the barrel.

You, son of a bitch. All right, so last night, separately, Josh and I both took a crack at the at the new Little House on the Prairie series. Oh, so did I. I'm excited to hear about this. We both got through three episodes. Oh.

Oh, really? I got through like six. I stayed up too late. I stayed up way too late. I wanted to keep going. You know why? Yeah. Because I wanted to wait for something to happen.

Something to happen. Oh, really? Okay, so I've never seen the original. So I thought, why not? I have nothing else to watch. I'll watch this new little house on a prairie. And immediately I was irritated because the dog like goes missing. It gets like washed down the river.

That's like the first scene. I thought, oh, this is great. Off to a fantastic start for me. I don't understand. It made me so sad right away. Oh, because you're a dog person. I was like, oh. My husband was watching and he said if that's serious,

if the dog never comes back, he said we're done with this. I want this off because that is such a stupid start to the show. Oh, I don't mind a dog being washed down a river right from the get-go. But anyway, I just don't really know what to say about my experience watching three episodes of the new Little House on the Prairie. Like Josh said, I just don't know what's happening and nothing is happening. And it's, I remember the characters differently, like, Caroline was not, she was so sweet in the original. and in this one, she's kind of cranky. Charles...

She is a little cranky. I wouldn't trust this Charles to run a family. This Charles is kind of a moron. He's kind of a space cadet. Mr. Edwards, I don't remember him having such dark issues. I thought it was kind of creepy at first. I was like, what's his thing with this family? Here's what you mentioned yesterday, Josh, that you read that the new Little House

and the Prairie series was going to stick to the... The novels created by Laura Ingoes Wilder. Now, I don't know Dick Tracy about the novels. So if that's what they're doing, great. I just, I'm not,

I'm not able yet to bond with the characters that have been presented to me so far. I don't think I'll go back. I might. I will for the nostalgia. What did your wife think?

Did she like it? She didn't really have much of a comment. Did she tell you, she texted me something pretty funny in the beginning. What was it? Charles wasn't hot enough for her. That's true. She mentioned that right away. And I agree with him.

I wouldn't follow him across the country. Michael Linden was the main reason why a lot of women got into Little House on the Prairie back in the late 70s and into the 80s. It was strictly because Michael Lendon was gorgeous. And he was this sensitive, ultra-caring character. and a hero. This Charles is very different. All of the characters are very different. I thought they did pretty well with Laura.

But they're not, from what we understand, they're not trying to mirror the television show at all. Yeah, I read they're just going after the books. Okay, fair enough. And maybe the books are a little. What character did you just? I thought Laura did pretty well. She's a cool little character.

Yeah. She was the best. I did learn this when looking up some information about the new little house on the prairie. The actress who plays Mary Ingalls, her name is Skywalker. That's sweet. Wow. It's a true story. First name? Yes.

Her name is Skywalker. I'll turn some heads in elementary school. Last name, Hughes. Skywalker Hughes. So there you go. I don't really know what to make of it. I don't. I'll keep going.

Not because I... You're a brave man. Well, I'm thinking maybe it's just going to take a little while to get go. I mean, I've mentioned before that it took me 14 episodes to like Parks and wreck. And I just stuck with it because everybody said it's a brilliant comedy. You've got to stick with it. You've just got to skip season one altogether is what you've got to do.

That's what I'd tell people. Start with the second episode of season two, basically. You mentioned that you weren't so sure about the modern little house on the prairie. You weren't so sure about Mr. Edwards' character. In the modern version, the new version, he's kind of

a troubled, drunk, he's a little violent. He's a very unreliable, he disappears for three, four days and no one knows what the hell's going on. But then, now back in the day, the television show, do you remember the episode from the television show where Mr. Edwards was totally out of control on whiskey and he was tuning up his wife and his kid? Okay, I do remember that.

He was such a lovable guy for the most part, and maybe this Mr. Edwards will turn into that. So there you go. Yeah, I don't know. We don't know really what to say. Ashley seemed to like it more than Cubby and I do. Yeah, but it's probably because I've never seen the original. So I enjoyed it. You didn't think it was a little boring?

No. It was boring. But I like that kind of stuff. You like boring? It's like very Red Dead redemption-y. I like that. I don't know what that means, but I'm going to go, oh. I don't need any.

That's actually so funny. I like, I don't need any fighting or any plot. Like, I just want to see them live. Yeah, that's perfect for you. Taylor Sheridan would have made it better if he was. behind it. You're probably right. All in all, reading our text messages here, all in all, it sounds like our listeners' opinion on the new Little House on the Prairie is this. Glitter. Glitter. A lot of them cannot stop singing glitter to themselves.

Today's show. Oh. Hey, Josh. What am I doing right now? Hang on. Let me just got to get into character here. And you tell me what I'm doing. You're speaking whale. I speak whale. You do speak whale.

Today's show might sound a little different. Randy is out today. And there really isn't Dick Tracy going on in the sports. So we're just going to F around today. If you're one of those that relies on that 730, we talk about the twins. We're going to do things a little differently today. Randy's out of town. We're just going to F around.

It's an F off day. Just so you know, it's Booz Cruise Day here on the program. And before we get out of here, I'm sure we'll give folks who are headed out to the boat tonight, we'll give them all the information that they need about what time to get there and this and that. You know what I'm saying? That's right. You understand where I'm going with that? I do.

And I can't wait because I know more than once this morning we're going to play the updated, sexy, R&B version of our Booz Cruise theme song. If you didn't catch it right away, we'll play it a couple more. times. It's the finest of the entire week. You're terrific. What? It's a long pop. You're done. Well, no, usually I say something about coming right back or stupid

news. You can go a little bit all over the board this week. Say it and whale. You want me to say, we'll be back in a few minutes with the stupid news, but as a whale. Because I do speak. You do speak. Whale. Okay, here we go. Air conditioning. The love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on to Habs podcasters?

We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play. If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait. Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back. With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.

Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-L-E-L-L-E. Jim Rome takes on speech.

I will always have a complicated relationship with this game. But people evolve. So do sports. Do not make me regret this. Do not make me devolve. Back to that guy that so many clones wish that I still was. And do not embarrass the entire country. Now, I can go back.

I can get there fast. Lose tonight. And you got a real problem. Do not blow it. The Jim Rome Show podcast. You've been warned. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news.

on the half-assed morning show. That's how you do it, Covey. It's great. In an hour, we'll be joined in studio by Brian from Kuku, formerly known as Kuku Kangaroo. That's one of their hit singles, I Speak Whale. Now you know how to do it. Kuckoo just made an appearance on America's Got Talent,

and we're going to jawjack with Brian all about that experience. I speak F me running whale, he says. All right, let's launch in. to our Friday stupid news bang out. Oh, great. What? It's the,

uh, it's the, I have the world's smallest penis guy again. That guy is forced his way back into the mix. He's always coming back for more. And I know what you're saying. You're saying, come on,

this friggin guy again, I hear you, but it's Friday. Let's just hear the bastard out and we'll, we'll see what gives. The, uh,

I have the world's, smallest penis guy. Maybe you're not familiar. He goes by the name of Michael, and he's convinced that he has the world's smallest pecker. And he won't leave us alone about it. I mean, if it's true, sure, I feel bad for the guy, but I'm not so sure this is legit. I get a weird vibe from the world's smallest pecker guy. Like maybe this is all just a sad joke he came up with so he can get a dose of the most powerful and attractive drug in the world today, which is almighty internet fame. I don't know. I was trying to think like, I've got to be close, right? I got to be very close to having the smallest penis in the world. But let's say I did. I don't know what my strategy

would be. I mean, actually, as a woman, would you want a guy to say ahead of time, like, listen, I'm good at a lot of things when it comes to Quetus, but you might be disappointed with what I got down there. Yeah, I'd prefer if I had a heads up. You want a warning of some sort? Well, okay, you don't know how you would approach it in your personal life, like say when dating or becoming intimate with women. But Josh, even in today's day and age with social media, where you can, whatever you've got on your mind,

you can make it known to the entire world. If you had that world smallest Johnson, would you be telling the world about it? I don't think so unless I was trying to control the narrative. I would make a, if I was ever lucky enough to be intimate with a woman, I'd have her sign an NDA, you know, like a non-dick agreement where she can't go out there and tell her friends, get on social media, put me on a website of people with small penises. I check those.

I have an alert set up for my name just in case I'd end up on one of those. I mean, okay, so he's telling the world, that's fine. I guess more than anything, I'm just, I'm suspicious of this character. Oh, he wants the attention, obviously. He really likes it. And by the way, you mentioned if you had that world's smallest rod, you might tell a woman, hey, I'm great at other things, just for the record. I'm probably not going to.

I've had to work at other stuff to compensate. You'd tell her, I'm probably not going to do any damage down there. Right. You're barely going to feel a thing. But I have other skills at the ready, if you're interested. That reminds me of years ago I was sitting around a table at a beer hall with this fan. family that I've known my entire life. And the old-timer of the group, the old boy, Grandpa.

He was, I hadn't seen him for a while. So you know how old people are. The number one conversation that he wanted to bring up was all of the health issues he was currently involved in. That's a popular opinion amongst old timers. They just trade back and forth. What's currently wrong with them? Yeah.

And I have no problem with that. I'm headed in that direction myself. So I'm sitting with this family, everyone from Grandpa all the way down to 10, 12-year-old kids, right? And Grandpa had no shame at all. He tells me, he says, well, you know, I picked up some of that prostate cancer. And I said, oh, Jesus, I'm sorry to hear that. And he was telling me about, you know, the treatments and this and that. And he said, so, you know, I'm kind of retired down there.

And I said, oh, sure, I'm sorry to hear that. He says, no, you know, it's all right. And again, all of his grandkids are at the table. and they're already kind of rolling their eyes at this conversation. They're sympathetic to Grandpa's problems, but they don't want to hear about his unit, right? Yeah. But he goes ahead and he says this right out loud. He says, but you know, that's all right, because I still got a good tongue.

And he sticks his tongue out, and he gave it kind of a la la la la. Oh, gosh. Grandpa. That's, I can't believe we just said it. Dirty Grandpa. Because that's exactly what one of his grandchildren said from across the table. Oh, Grandpa! He's wagging his tongue.

Oh, that would have messed me up. Still got a good tongue, he says. All right, so Michael, with the self-proclaimed smallest penis on planet Earth. Okay, what's he doing? Whether or not he's legit, I guess that's neither here nor there. You know, I'm giving it the old Jay Cutler. But here's what's going on. A dong surgeon somewhere is out there, I believe in Hollywood, has offered him a rod job

to turn that micropecker into something respectable. A supposedly real doctor by the name of Dorfman. Dorfman. Are you going to Dr. Dorfman? I have not made an appointment just yet. Wasn't that the name of the character from Animal House? Wasn't he Dorfman, flounder? Someone get back to me.

What the hell was his name? Anyway. I went to a doctor butcher, Dana. Did you really? Yeah. And I had a procedure from Dr. I thought they were joking with me, but no, it's his last name. One of the coolest, funniest guys he could ever meet.

If you have Dr. Butcher, if you were out there, what up? You do great work. On a side note, what was that character from Animal House? Kent Flounder Dorfman. Kent Dorfman, yes. I knew there was something there. Okay. So a supposedly real doctor by the name of Dorfman has offered the world's tiniest penis guy.

Again, Michael is the name. Dr. Dorfman is offering the guy free dong injections. to Josh. It says here, boost his girth. Oh, okay. Yeah, I thought that was the safer way to do it. The length can get you some trouble, that procedure, but the girth, they can do relatively easy. Wasn't that a line that you dumped on your wife once, one of the first times the two of you's had sex? I thought you kind of hovered over the top of her and said, welcome to girf. Yeah. I introduced her to girthquake.

He trademarked it. He put it on a t-shirt and everything. I did. He wants to give the guy. some girth. Dr. Dorfmental says he'll dump a $20,000 enhancement procedure on this poor bastard for free. The doctor

says he's willing to go through with this horror show because he feels bad for the sum bitch. And by the way, a story like this cruising all around the godless internet might be really good for business too. Let's not ignore what is likely

the true motivation here for Dr. Dorf Mental. I'm sure you're right, yeah. He's a Hollywood penis doctor. He probably, he can see the dollar signs. If this was a relatively, like breast implants or something, you know, you don't really hear a lot of bad things about it. I've been doing it for a long time.

And it worked and it was affordable. I definitely would do something like that. Yeah, you've, proved the wiener. You've mentioned that before. Why not? If it was 100% safe. Yep. And affordable. Why the hell not?

Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't anybody, any guy? Sure. Make that some bitch. Make it so you can barely cross the room. I'm here for the Boccox procedure, if you wouldn't mind. Give me an inch or two or three. I wonder how big they could go. Make it so you can barely get from A to B

without suffering some lower back injury. Again, if you haven't already heard the story once or twice already, because this guy's been telling everybody as often as he can that he has the world's tiniest little acorn pecker Michael, he's up to 38 years old at this point he's been telling anyone who will listen

that he's so damn small he can't even go ahead and take a decent piss he says it just gets lost in the pub farm down there he can't even find it he says he can't even locate it is there a way to fix that part? Or is he so small? He's afraid he's going to run it over. Like a tennis ball in the yard. Yeah, he could keep it cleaned up. What are we talking about? Well, why does he just shave his pubes then? Oh, that was just a joke. I don't know legitimately that he, he says he can't even take a decent piss.

He tells folks his entire unit is about the size of the average nail on a pinky finger. Well, I've got small hands. Yes, you do. But that's a lot. It's not very big. What's that? That's not very big. I'm looking at my pinky finger. Your pinky nail? No.

No. I don't even. How would that even work? Well, your small hands, though. You know, people don't notice that on you, I think, because of your ears. Why? I don't have. And your weight gain.

Years aren't that. Me as the weight gain, I'm kind of worried about. So, Michael with the small penis. Sorry. I know. If you've already heard this guy's story a dozen times, I apologize. But just for those of you who might be. knew. At one point

or another, he did start one of those GoFundMe gimmicks to pay for a Johnson enlargement, which is silly. GoFundMe should turn people down, I think. There's folks that really need that for legitimate reasons. Some people start up those go-fund-mys for the stupidest, most selfish things these days. You're right. They should have some kind

of a no button. The Go-FundMe people should be able to say no. It wasn't that long ago. Didn't we read a story a while back, Josh, where there was some young 20-year-old couple who wanted to see the world, but they ain't got a pot to piss in. But here's our GoFundMe page, so me and Donnie can ride bicycles across the world. No.

Yeah, there's plenty of stories. Go get a job for Pete's sake. And I'm sure that's, yeah, that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's plenty of stories like that. I want to travel the world, but I don't have any money. Can I have some of yours? No. Okay.

Michael did fire up a GoFundMe for his sad little wad. but he changed his mind on that after learning about the incident and the common risks that go along with a rod enlargement. So there you go. I'm sure we won't have to wait too long for the next thrilling chapter in the story of the guy who might have the smallest whang in the world or it might be a total lie. Yeah, he'll make headlines again. I'd imagine. I remember the first time I heard a guy say this and I thought it was so clever

it was many many years ago but I still love it Guy said I wish I was hung like a horse and everyone including myself what the hell's going on? Ashley's drinking I thought I hit the buttons gosh I need the light back

we could hear you I could hear the water traveling through your whole system I had to stay hydrated these microphones are so sideways. But the guy said, I wish I was hung like a horse. Pause. So I wouldn't have to carry this big thing around. You know, the first person I ever heard said that was my manager at G.J. Super Valley in Minneapolis. I don't think a manager could get away with that nowadays, but I thought that was

total genius. Yep. I was on board with that one. He got me. Oh, my God. listeners are texting in on Michael, the supposedly owner of the world's smallest penis, people are texting in what they think about the guy. Here's one listener who said, I'd tell the doctor, make it look like a snuff can. My God. Would anybody, would that be pleasurable for anybody?

No, I don't think so. There's all different types out there, John. Sure. He could find a, I'm sure you could find a partner for that snuff can. Like a hush. Docto mom or something? You'd have to look for that. Wolfpack softball, Jesus said he'd ask that doctor to make it so damn big.

He'd have to buy three shoes at a time. All right. While we're hovering around in the neighborhood of the old rod and balls, do you want to check in with the ball busting crowd? I remember covering this once or twice, the ball busters. They're out there, and they say you're next. Cubby. I'm not interested.

These are fellas who absolutely, absolutely is how you say it. These are characters who love to get their nuts just kicked smooth in. By God, they effing love it. Those people are so fascinating to me. I can't even imagine.

I mean, sometimes just a big enough shadow will make you drop into a knee. It doesn't take much. A listener by the name of Jacob says he wants his dong doctor to make it look like a cheese wheel. That's not right. It's like larger than your pelvis. All right. So the ball busters.

It's what springs him out of bed in the morning. The thought that maybe by the end of the day someone out there is going to inflict so much pain on their ball bag that they vomit all over themselves. They call it ball busting. Pornow movie websites and whatnot say that ball busting consistently ranks in the top 10 as far as most popular kinks. Like you go on your porn website and you look up, you know, all-girl rodeo or 17 people urinating into a bathtub. Top 10. Wow. Ball busting makes it.

Weird. I wouldn't even think of that. If I was going to search porn, that would never even come to mind. If you're on the family feud and you're going through the obvious, then you get down to the end, and ballbusting is not going to come to mind. It says here, all types of dudes love it, gay, straight, and everywhere is in between. These are dudes who allow their little fragile coins to be punched, kicked.

They want you to twist them into a double fisherman's knot. They don't mind that. They want them twisted. They want them squinted. Squeezed Anaconda Squeeze. They want you to stand on them. I would never do this. You know, the stop porn, right?

Isn't that the same thing? See, that's the thing. Where they use like high heels or something awful? That's the thing, Josh, is when I was reading about ball busting, I was trying to come up with the names for similar kinks. And what did you call it a minute ago? I thought it was called stomp porn. Stomping.

Yeah, there's crushing, smothering. There's all these similar kinks. but this specifically has to do with direct and violent punishment to the knots. Hang on a sec. Let me take a drink of water. Get that mic right up there. That sounds disgusting. At least mine sounded good.

Yours was cute. Yeah. It was adorable. My neck is better than yours. Dainty. You sound hydrated. Okay. And it's painful.

But Ballbusters want you to bring. bring that pain to their beanbags. Impact cubby. They want to feel it. I even read right here that the ball busters crowd, they don't even mind if you run some by God low level electricity right through the middle of their scrote bag. Just a little little low level, a little buzz down there. A light shock.

Yeah, I don't understand at all. and they're not done yet. How do you get any pleasure out of that? And you know what else, Josh? What? Put them in a cage. I was going to ask you about that. Put them in a cage.

They've been bad. My balls have been misbehaving, a ballbuster might say. My balls have been bad. Put them in testicle jail. Put them in a cage. Like a chastity belt? Lock them up and swallow the key. Yes, some kind of a similar to a chastity belt.

I just made this connection now. The jackass guys must be really into this style of porn. if they're willing to do it to themselves all the time constantly. They seem to almost enjoy it at this point. Like the pain? Like the ball busting porn. Because they do it to themselves. So they just think they'd probably be into it and watch it on their own?

I don't know. I thought theirs was pure comedy, but maybe they do find it to be a kink. Guys who run around destroying each other's penises and testicles and throwing bottle rockets up each other's asses, yes, I don't think it's too far of a fantasy to think that they'd be in. to ball busting, yeah. Jesus was a carpenter, Jesus. He made me cross my legs. He said, what about sounding?

Oh. Yeah, I remember where I was the first time I heard about that and couldn't believe it was a thing. Now, this year article on ball busting gets all deep and philosophical on why and how this is a thing. I won't bore you to death with all that mumbo-jumbo, but I'll go ahead with this real quick. It says here there are some dudes.

Maybe this plays right into what you were saying, Dana, about those characters from South Park. What's the name of the show again? Jackass. Says here there are some fellers who become attracted to ball busting after getting their balls destroyed when they were like, say, a kid.

And despite the terrible pain, they realized they also kind of liked it. And their need for testicular self-destruction starts right then and there. So when you're a little kid, can everyone remember Ashley excluded obviously can you guys remember

the worst shot you ever took to those poor little pills of yours I don't remember they've all been on par with each other I wish I could remember we've all taken a solid I remember the variations meaning what does that mean

the level of impact and it pretty much was all the same I remember the first time I ever sat on him, didn't know that could happen. First time I ever got hitting the nuts from behind. Didn't know that was a possibility. Oh, yeah. I don't remember my worst shot to the pills, but I remember watching a couple of my pals take terrible.

One, Josh, if you don't mind, at Big Phil's place, we used to play floor hockey in the basement until the break of dawn. And it was, you know, we were fifth, sixth grade kids, and it would just be hellacious. we would destroy the basement. And Phil was running as fast as he could with his hockey stick in hand to fetch the tennis ball as we're playing floor hockey in his basement. And he caught the blade of that hockey stick on a dresser,

a dresser in the corner of the room. You're following that? And he kind of catapulted himself by his balls up into the... Oh, no. He stayed down for hours. And the other one I remember... But she should die from some of those. absolutely impaled his little fifth grade bag.

The game was over for the night. He just stayed on the floor, I think, until noon the next day. Poor guy. Give him a bag of ice at least? I don't know what we did. You know, you see it in youth sports and even the parents are laughing. You feel so bad for the kid. Everybody's laughing and trying to hide it.

The other that I remember to this day was Pistol Pete from across the street. We were playing soccer in his backyard. And we were nine, ten years old. Pistol Pete had a foster brother who was 17 or 18, and he was also playing soccer with us. And that foster brother, full on adult male at that point in his life, with all of his power went to kick the soccer ball, and he kicked Pistol Pete from across the street right in the rod and nuts.

Full impact. Pistol Pete goes down. His mother scoops him up and brings him into the house. his mother, since we were next door neighbors, sought my mother's help. Okay? Embarrassing for Pistol Pete, no question. But I remember this. We continued to play soccer because we're unsympathetic, you know, 9, 10-year-olds.

Just because Pistol Pete's nuts have just been turned into dust. Doesn't mean we're going to stop playing. But I remember Pistol Pete's mother calling for my mother's help from next door. My mother comes over. And I just heard this, because we're still playing soccer in. They're attending to Pistol Pete inside the house. I just remember hearing Pistol Pete's mother say to my mother, Karen, they're blue.

Oh, big nose, small hose, Jesus. He got his caught on some barbed wire. Oh, no. And he said, he got stuck. He didn't say anything about that. He said he got stuck in his dad had help. I remember zipping up in the, You know, those zippy pajamas, whatever they're called,

and having to get some help. Like feety pajamas? Yeah, footy pajamas, wherever they're called. That's adorable. You zipped your little bag up in your PJs. Got a little too excited to go back to playing, you know? Who had to back the train up? Mom.

Mom did. Mom had to, yeah. We're just going to back it up, right, from that movie? Back it up. It's just like, what's the line he says? It's just like, blankety blank. It's just like, God, come on, who can. It's just like backing up a.

something. What does he say? It's so funny. So anyway. Somebody will tell us. A lot of injuries to testicles folks are saying. I can't wait to read all the text messages. So again, this desire, this lust for

having your balls legitimately broken at half. A lot of it comes from when you're a kid, you take a stiff shot and you realize you like it. Now, with all of this said, you should know if this is something maybe you're looking to try this weekend.

You probably don't need anyone to tell you this, but ball busting does send quite a few some bitches to the emergency room. The story says this is a cautionary tale. Better cop than Asian cop Jesus said his dog gave him the worst nutshot. Had to seek medical attention. My dogs are, their tails are right at weiner level.

So yeah, if they get their tail, gets excited and they just whip you right in that thing. Oh, it's terrible. Oh, here it is, Josh. It's just like pulling off a Band-Aid. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, F me. God, dang.

Have you ever had this happen where you got hit and it didn't really hurt? Were you shocked? I took a wiffle ball to the crotch once and I kept waiting. I was kind of hunched over going, oh, here comes, here comes. I thought the nausea was going to kick in and everything and nothing. I guess just your luck it was a wiffle ball. I showed you guys video of that once. I was in my driveway and my son nailed me.

Oh, yep. It was instantaneous. It was instantaneous. Well, ball bat balls. I'd be surprised if a wiffle ball could do any real damage, but I can understand that you expected the pain. Because sometimes it doesn't take much. No, you're right.

Yeah, there was nothing to it. All right. So be careful this weekend, if that's the route you want to take. We should take ourselves a breather. We'll be back with a little bit of jocks and if in here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show. Sports. the 93x half-assed morning show.

This portion of the half-assed morning show is brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive, conveniently located at 3rd Avenue and Main Street. We've got the fairest prices in town. What's the bill? How much you got. No, no, I'm asking how much the repairs are. I'm asking you how much you got.

As you heard, all services are haggle-free. Look, I don't have time to play around, okay? So how much is it? All of it, boy. mention 93x for our special on premium blinker fluid Visit hogbauer automotive.com or I got ripped off at hogbower automotive.com. Thanks again to the folks at Hogbauer. Over there on 3rd Avenue and Main Street, you know, we were having a conversation about ballbusting.

Ballbusting is a kink. These are characters who enjoy. joy they need, they want. Punishment inflicted on their bags, punches, kicks, stand on them, if you like, even run a little electricity through them. It's a real thing. It's not for you amateurs. Our listeners decided to text in on the different ways their testicles have been destroyed

over the years. Josh, here is a rough report. Cats. Oh, yeah, they'll jump on your lap and get you. Some of our listeners were clawed. Ah. Right. I had a dog clawed at once when I was a little kid.

That's dog. I still have scars on my inner thighs. The suburbs there. Pretty bad. A dog got you? Yeah, big time. Rebar? Oh, geez.

Oh, my God. I can't even, I took rebar. just to my calf once? I can't imagine it being a little further north. Rebar! Oh, yeah, poor gentleman. Trampolines, motorbikes, zippers. Did they mean the spring?

The trampoline spring? That'll kill a fool. I believe what happened, Josh, was there was a gang of characters on the trampoline, and when our listener was coming down, another character was coming up, and a knee smashed his... What do we have here? One of our listeners peed on an electric fence and said it fried his balls. Oh, yeah. I saw someone do that.

He got shocked a little bit, but there was no injury as far as I know. A broken palate with an exposed nail. Oh, Jesus. Oh, dude. Golf balls, football helmets, fast-moving rubber bands. What? A fast-moving rubber band snapped him right in the bag, ski. Opened him up.

This was at school. one at school was that takes me back did you guys ever make those finger rubber band guns oh definitely yeah we were into that for a while let's see real quick to wrap up the the different ways our listeners have had their their gear mangled bicycles aggressive prostitutes and turtles turtles i like turtles i know you do all right as far as Sports goes, and we're not going to get into it today. There's very little going on, and we've got special guests, like at 730, Brian from Cuckoo Kangaroo.

Randy Schaber's got the day off. Brad Ryder's got the day off. So this is about all you're going to. I'm sure the twins wanted to sweep yesterday, especially playing at home, but they couldn't get it done. Cleveland Guardians won the getaway game yesterday, 5'2. Cleveland's starting pitcher, dude by the name of Gavin Williams. He was really sharp out there yesterday.

innings. Three Guardian players hit dongs in the ball game. That Williams dude, the pitcher, he dialed up 11 strikeouts while he was out there on the bump. Bailey Ober returned for the twins, and he went, uh, what do you do, five, this, that, I don't know, he did all right. But he hasn't been in the mix since the end of May. The twins have still won seven of their last eight series. Yesterday was the big league debut for Wu Sukgo, the new twins pitcher I was telling you about. Ah, he gave up a Rodney. But, you know, he's just getting started. The twins begin a weekend series with the Los Angeles Angels and Anaheim tonight over there at Target Field.

When we come back, Josh will have some more news for you here on the Half Fast Morning Show. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time.

Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're added, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialke, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey, I'm Chris Van Fleet. Go behind the scenes and beyond the headlines with the biggest names in pro wrestling and beyond. Mr. Sandman. All I ever wanted to be was a pro wrestler.

So I got to live my life. And make people really happy. The Heartbreak Kid himself, Sean Michaels. Do you think there's anybody better than you were? I think I was great at what I did, and I think other people were great at what they did as well. Greatness is more of mindset, mindset, mindset, motivation, insight with Chris Van Vleet. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Someone just had to restrain a drunk person because he was crowding people and getting too close,

and the very drunk person is on the ground. This is a cautionary tale about how to throw away an otherwise honorable career in under two minutes. A Florida cop turned a quiet dinner into a complete. career catastrophe after getting drunk and deciding another man's wife was fair game. Surveillance footage from Monday shows 44-year-old Jason Stickles and off-duty sergeant with the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, walking up behind its seated couple and leaning in to kiss the wife. Oh, no.

Again, he's 44. She's 71. Somebody else's wife. Yes. Somebody that doesn't appear he knew. Take a look at this guy. Did I send you this video? Yeah, that's up on anything.

He leaned in to kiss a 7.1. 71-year-old woman out of nowhere's. And if you're someone who's like, gosh, 44, I feel old, take a look at this guy and you're going to have an awesome weekend. And I'm headed in that direction. Ashley said it. Look at him, then look in the mirror, you handsome son of a gun. You're going to be happy with yourself.

You call it 93x.com, actually. Or you can go to Hogbauer Automotive.com. Oh, sure. Her 77-year-old Vietnam vet husband jumped into action, pushing Stickles away. That's when Stickles made the kind of decision that ends careers. Grabbing the husband by the throat before another restaurant patron stepped in, put the off-duty sergeant in a headlock and held him there until police,

the on-duty sober ones, arrived. When officers got there, Stickles was reportedly so intoxicated, he couldn't explain what had happened. Instead telling police, you know what's up, man, and insisting he was with the county, you know who I am, and then flashed his badge. Apparently the badge wasn't earning him much respect from his fellow officers because as cops sorted out the scene,

restaurant patrons started yelling, get him out of here. I got a 77-year-old Vietnam veteran in a bar with his wife. And what you see in that video, it's disgusting, it's sickening, and that does not represent what this organization stands for.

He was immediately placed on administrative leave and has since surrendered his badge and gun pending disciplinary action from the sheriff's office. He made a horrible mistake. His career is over. He's embarrassed publicly. Stickles, who has worked for the sheriff's office since 2004 is now charged with two counts of felony battery on a person 65 years of age or

older. The heck, dude. I just watched the video. This man is repulsively drunk. Yeah, it's bad. He is just absolutely disgustingly intoxicated. Would you ever guess that he's only in his 40s? No.

No, chance. No. And a dinaman is facing a felony charge. The video is very entertaining, though. It is entertaining. I can't. After the fact. of course.

You know, one of my best old high school buddies got fired at the company Christmas party because he got real, real drunk. And he asked the boss's wife if she'd possibly be interested in giving him a BJ. She said no. He was fired for that. Yeah, that's probably not a lot of jobs you're going to keep. Maybe if the boss is your buddy in some way and he knows you're a good person. The friggin' boss's wife.

Was he your friend? Was he the type of guy that just assumed all ladies want me? So it wasn't like that. No, he just, when he reaches a certain point of intoxication, it's anybody's guess. Do I know him? No, you've never met him. He had to leave town to escape local authorities. What?

But really, honestly, I don't, and I don't know why I feel the need to defend someone who you've never met and probably never will. But really, he is one of the most lovable characters I've ever known. He just, when he was young, and this was when he was very young, he would reach a certain level of intoxication where all bets were off. He was never violent. Is there any way he didn't know that was the boss's wife? Yes. Oh, okay.

Well, that makes it better, too. It is possible. It's possible. That's all I'm saying. It's possible. Okay. Not that you should go up and ask another person for that, but, I mean, if he didn't know is the boss's wife, I don't know, maybe that doesn't make it better.

This is the guy who went to prison and quickly won the prison ping pong tournament. Oh, cool. Yes. That is pretty sweet. Yeah. In a Dinaman's facing a felony charge after allegedly taking a truck repair and steering it straight into criminal charges, reportedly threatening an employee at a local car dealership with a gun while telling him he, quote, was the wrong guy to mess with.

Uh-oh. Bloomington police were called the Walzer Toyota after the, I must say, young-looking 16. 51-year-old. So this is on the opposite end. Do you know people over there? You know all the car dealership people. Do you know anyone over there at Walzer Toyota? I don't think anybody at Walzer Toyota. I used to know the Walzer guys real well. They're spread out all over now. Dan Dingman, a buddy from Luther Kea, Bloomington.

The guy with the ass cheeks. Yeah, he was a Walzer Mazda guy back in the day. All right. Did I send you this one, Ashley? I'm sorry to ask you this again. I do not believe so. It might have been the other day. So this guy's 61. So this guy's 61. What was he doing? I'm sorry. This is my fault. So he's threatening an employee there allegedly. He reportedly made some comments to an employee,

letting that employee know he had a 9-millimeter handgun in his truck. Oh, no. According to investigators, the employee told police the man had come in that morning to get an antenna fixed. But instead of improving the reception, he allegedly broadcast his frustrations loud and clear. Police say he became irate with staff, yelling and slapping his hands on the counter.

Criminal charges said the dealership tried to de-escalate the seat. situation, but he allegedly kept revving the rhetoric, making comments like, I've got nothing to lose. And you don't know who you're dealing or messing with, pal. The employee eventually escorted him out to his truck, where the Toyota customer allegedly became supra angry, opened up the pickup store, pointed inside his tundra, and indicated he had a weapon. The fit fella eventually turned himself in and told police he'd been having issues with the dealership for the past few months. For Christ's sake. He claimed he went there that day to file a complaint with the manager.

Well, you did it all wrong. Yeah, he went a little far. Yeah. He also claimed that when employees escorted him outside, he simply asked the three of them for their business cards. That's all he did. He also told police he left when he was asked to leave and insisted he didn't

do anything threatening. Didn't do anything. He'll get another opportunity to make his case next month in court. Yeah, just leave us alone. A township committee meeting in New Jersey went up and smoked Tuesday when a man dressed as a giant bong decided to crash the

proceedings. A man dressed as a giant bong? Correct. Okay. The man who said his name as Bongholio stepped to the podium in a giant purple bong costume. My name is bomb holio. All right. I like it. Any

any bomb, any coffee table across the state of the country. I'm a bomb. You spell that B-O-N-G We know. H-O-L-E-L-E-L-O. Oh, that's the correct stone of Bongholio. Bongholio. He spelled his name for the crowd. Yeah, just so everybody knew who he was.

And he's dressed as a giant bong. He didn't show up alone. He was accompanied by a baby. Also, dressed as a bong. No way. His son, Bongholito. So I'm hearing by baby. This is Bongolito.

And I think it's unfair that I'm not being valued properly as a resident. Why didn't anybody take him seriously? I love it. I brought the little baby. What was the name again? Bongholito. And what was his problem? Well, it sounds like he just hates these people and does what he can to be disruptive.

That's kind of my impression. And Bong Halito is just a tiny little baby. Little baby, dressed as a bong. That's awesome. Bongholio, this is up on 93X.com. Bongholio then fired up a parody of Lizzo's About Damn Time singing it's Bong, Bong, Bong, a clock. Yeah, it's hit 30. The number was met with more blank stares and belly laughs, with only one person in the audience seeming to be even just remotely amused.

That's me. I'd be dying. I can not see the humor in it. There's a baby dressed as a bong. That's hilarious. I'm sorry. I'm a little lost. What was this gathering? What kind of a gathering was this?

Like a town meeting, a township committee meeting. Is he trying to steal the title away from our mini bike guy? Is that what he's doing? Maybe. Now, he knew what he was doing. Yes, he did. He had a bit of a, he had a cause. Yeah, he didn't need an outfit. No. He was all about the performance. Speaking of performance, Bongholio went on for about three and a half minutes singing the song.

Jesus, they really let him, no one pounced on this guy? They let him go for three and a half minutes. Why suppose he's carrying Bong Halito? Yeah, nobody wants to mess with Bong Halito. Well, you just don't want to probably tackle a guy who's holding a baby, right? It seems the song was all Bongholio wanted out of the meeting because as soon as the last lyric left his lip, Bongholio left two, stepping away from the podium. Now Mayor Kathleen Miller Prouti is calling for an end to the moron. Mayor Kathleen Miller Prunty speaking out, saying in part,

I'm concerned. The behavior of a few has escalated to the point where residents do not feel safe at meetings and that their concerns and ideas are being drowned out by the antics. It also wasn't Bongholios first time pranking the podium. Back in October 2024, he was kicked out of council. meeting after ripping into the panel. Did he have a character then? Didn't look like it.

Is there any chance we can get this guy on the boat tonight? Bungholio. Where is he? New Jersey. Forget it. I'll be damned. That sounds like quite an adventure. It does.

It takes a special kind of idiot to bust himself on doorbell cam, but this guy figured it out. A 37-year-old was arrested after surveillance video captured him peeking into a Martin County Florida home while, putting his hand down his pants where his penis is. Yuck. The incident began when a ring surveillance camera captured a man pacing back and forth outside a home like someone trying to work up the courage to do something very, very stupid. According to authorities, the man lingered outside the residence for several minutes,

watching the home before eventually moving closer. That's when the situation went from mischievous to masturbatory. Video showed the man peering into a window of the home and putting his hand down his pants while peeking and he kept peaking until presumably that peak spurted all over the place. To hear that they've like named them and they're out in the open and now everyone and anyone who knows them knows what they're wanted for, it's different. Thank God there's camera footage. After receiving an alert, someone was outside his home. The homeowner called the sheriff's office.

By the time deputies arrived, however, the suspect managed to scedaddle. But modern technology is a cruel enemy of the modern miscreant. After reviewing the surveillance footage, the Martin County Sheriff's Office identified the substance. suspect, and unfortunately for local residents learned he lives in the same neighborhood. He's in the same neighborhood. So that means he'll be back. Yeah, he'll stick around. If it seems like Florida leads the U.S. with strange stories, that's because they do.

At least publicly, Florida's ability to produce those tales at a seemingly disproportionate rate is frequently linked back to the Sunshine Laws. Legislation designed to give the public and the press easy access to government documents Those documents include the infamous arrest records that highlight the many strange ways Florida man has managed to run afoul of the law. Friggin Florida. That's why we hear about him so much. It just, it's not working. It didn't work.

It didn't work. It was a bad idea. Don't you think, Josh? Florida? It was a bad idea. Yeah, I don't know. People seem to like it. There's that old school Bugs Bunny Clipper. He goes down.

He's like on the big map and he saws off Florida and it just kind of floats away. People post that one a lot. Yeah. Oh, do they? Yeah. That's funny. We've had enough. You're on your own now.

You're an island. Whether you're hunting for a brand new album to sample or looking to beef up your year-end Spotify playlist early, here's a few picks from this week's notable new releases post on 93X.com, including a new track from a band of 93X listeners who managed to land a pretty big-name collaborator. First, we start after celebrating his 51st birthday yesterday with Jack White. He's celebrating another milestone today,

the release of a brand-new album. album. Fresh off of 2024's No Name, which earned a Grammy nomination for Best Rock album, Jack White returns with his seventh solo album, Frozen Charlotte. Just over a year since the release of his debut album, Stranger Things alum Finn Wolfhard returns with his sophomore offering, Fire from the Hip. The Stranger Things Kid. Huh? The Stranger Things Kid. He's making music.

Never saw it. Get for him. Fire from the hip was recorded at the legendary Packaderm Recording Studios in Cannon Falls, Minnesota. the same studio where artists like Nirvana recorded in utero, live-made throwing copper, sold asylum cut parts of grave dancers union, the Green Onion Band's Everyday Life, and Mudvains the end of all things to come.

Everyday life. And Minneapolis hard rockers and brotherhood members Dreams Aside returned last month with a new single called Element of One featuring an assist from none other than Kill Switch engaged vocalist Jesse Leach. Oh my God! Oh my God! I know.

For more music every Friday, check out the notable new releases post on 93X.com, your weekly shortcut to the latest in listening. I heard that the Green Onion Band was the only band to go down to that studio and record a record and still couldn't get laid. No, not a one, not a one. You can also check us out on Spotify. It's time to a look at what's new in theaters and streaming with a mix of family adventure, nightmare fuel, and a dinner party that goes spectacularly off the rails in the invite. Joe and Angela's marriage is hanging by a thread.

Hoping a dinner party might help, they invite their mysterious upstairs neighbor over for the evening. But instead, the night takes some very unexpected turns. Disney's Moana returns in a live-action adaptation of the beloved 2016 animated hit. She once again set sail on an epic adventure to save her people and discover her destiny. I recognize that. That's Triple H. No, no, that's the rock, different wrestler. Here's a random fact from another Disney movie. The animators of Aladdin based the movement of his pants off of MC Hammer's pants.

I can see that. I never really got it into Aladdin. Oh, he did it? No, he didn't think too highly of you either. Yeah, I bet. I enjoyed it. Do do, do do do do do. Well, well, well, well, well, I go fast and I do this and I do that.

And I got big pants. I remember that song. That was a huge hit. He hit a couple of them. MC Hammer. And now we pray. Oh, man. You got to pray. Oh, he got to. Just to make it today.

Finally, if your idea of a good time involves demonic possession, evil dead burn has you covered? Burn! It follows a grieving widow who seeks comfort with her late husband's family, only to find herself trapped in a terrifying nightmare as they begin transforming into deadites. Happy belated 30th to bad company Jesus, and happy 65th birthday to toxic water baby Jesus.

That's 93 Act News. Coming up next, we won't talk to Randy Schaever or Brad Ryder, but we will talk to, and this is much more excited than talking to either of those guys. Brian from Cuckoo Kangaroo. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Hang on to something, everybody. Hang on.

I love this. I can't hide it. Tonight's the night. Gonna do it right. Got my party pants put on. It's a big boat. party and it's about to set sail but we won't be out too long coming out with the morning show and the brother and sister be polite don't start a fight here's our slogan because it's good

hey don't drink until you're pukees Be adults about this. Feel free to dance just like it's true. Just be adults about this. Shut your mouth about Josh's mom. Just be adults about this. I'll tell you what, man. We're mixing things up today by God.

Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder have the day off. So we finally had the opportunity to have some real fun. Lighting up around you. That was the slow and sexy R&B version of our booze cruise theme song. Today is the day for our post-independence day boat ride. All week long, Josh has been creating different theme songs for our boat party, sticking with the motto of the boat party, which is let's be adults about this.

And as I said earlier, Josh, I don't think you've ever, how should I say, tantalized our listing audience before, quite like what you did with the R&B version. It's my favorite. I wanted to get all my clothes off. And speaking of funny music, funny songs, creative songs, joining us in studio today, fresh off an appearance on the television program,

America's Got Talent. Joining us is Brian, one half of Kuku, formerly Kuku Kangaroo. Now we're excited to learn all about what's going on with Kuku. Welcome to the show, Brian. Thank you, guys. Nice to have you back. Thank you so much.

Oh, it's been too, too, too long. It has. We were noting. I mean, I don't know how many years it's been since we last had you in the studio. Maybe 2018, 19? It was pre-COVID. Pre-COVID. You noted we've got a much bigger radio studio now.

Oh, you guys have upgraded. But the size is the only upgrade. That's it? No. Oh, seriously, it's pretty bad. A lot of the stuff around here sucks. If anything breaks down, if it just bear with us, if anything breaks down. But you look much different, longer hair.

I got longer hair. I got a little beard. I think you've even gotten taller. You have. You've been drinking milk. or something. I've been drinking milk. How tall are you?

I've been eating too many crackers. How tall are you? Six, four. Jeez. Yeah, I don't remember you being that tall. You're intimately. Well, we scooted in on chairs last time. We were sitting in a whole time.

It's awesome to have you back in studio. We appreciate it. What happened was a couple nights ago, you boys made an appearance on America's Got Talent. We did. When did you film it? We filmed it like two months ago. Oh, so you've been sitting on that that long?

Yeah, and they emailed us on a Monday, and we were filming it on a Friday. So we were like a last fill or something like that. They were like Googled fun bands, and we popped up and went fast. Oh, so they looked for you guys. You didn't submit a tape. Yeah, we didn't. We were fortunate. That was really cool that we didn't have to do any of that.

Oh, that's cool. They just reached out. Yeah, that's kind of baller. Was that your first appearance on national television or not? Yeah, yeah. It was ever. Yeah, big thing. It was cool.

I was expecting everybody to be kind of like grumpy backstage or something like that, but the staff and the crew and stuff like that were incredible. It was a really cool experience. And the stage is huge and the audience is like hot. They are hot. They have them pumped up. Josh played audio of your appearance on the show. And the crowd was loving it.

Yeah. That was, yeah. The judges didn't like it very much. Simon liked it, but the crowd, we had the crowd. I was telling the guys earlier, you know, feeling protective because we know you guys. Yeah. You're so fun.

You're such nice, just regular guys. Our listeners friggin' love, Kuku. Well, your listeners have been fantastic since we've been on the show twice. They've come to our live shows and they say like, I heard you on 93X morning show and they are they are cuties. They are a little cuddly cuties. That's great.

Well, I mean. An adorable crowd, no doubt. It was frustrating. I'm sure you've seen it, obviously. But like Mel B's response. was frustrating and I was feeling protective of you guys. I was getting kind of angry. Like she immediately didn't give you a chance.

And obviously the crowd felt completely different. The crowd was so, they were singing along. They were absolutely loving it. Simon Cowell was nice about it. She buzzed us out fast. And she just looked like, I'm not impressed. I'm not even going to try and have any fun. The producers told us backstage they're like, she doesn't like fun.

Oh, so they, okay. So you knew, I was asking the guy. I didn't really watch. No, no, no, I mean, they told us afterwards. We didn't know what's going to happen. And that buzz is loud. It is on TV, too. It, like, it can mess you up.

Yeah, if you're, like singing a song or something like that, it gets loud. That buzz is hot. So, I mean, we always have to ask because it's television. So it's as legit as it. The setup is as legit as it seems. You go out there and you really have no idea what the end result is going to be. Totally. Nothing, nothing.

Yeah, you kind of wait all day backstage. They have like a huge green room and you do one sound check early in the morning and then you just hang all day and we were the last act on. So that was still like filmed as it was. Like there was the act, the country act before us that kind of bombed. And then we went last and we didn't know what was going to happen. Yeah, nothing was staged. So yeah, we tried our best. And so it's our song Glitter and they had us kind of like change some of the lyrics to like fit the theme song of their golden buzzer.

So that was kind of our anguish. of getting onto the show. And so we played it, had to do a couple lyric changes, and got buzzed out. But then Simon liked it. That was the win. I thought Simon was going to totally hate us. Of the one person, I thought Simon was going to hate us. He has the image of kind of a salty, hard character.

Yes, yes. Were you disappointed at all? No way. Or you just happy for the opportunity? Oh, yeah. Yeah. It is an advertisement that we could never afford. Right.

You guys performed great. Like I said, I mean, if it's going to be. be one way or the other. I mean, it would have been worse if all the judges are like, these guys are great and the crowd wasn't into it. Totally. The crowd was so into you guys. They were so loud. There was at times you could barely hear you guys singing because the crowd

was so loud. They were very fun. We almost wanted, it would have been great to have all four exes, like bomb hard. Yeah. If you're going to go out bad, you might as well. There was this guy who actually performed on our day who like played songs on like fruit and vegetables

like through like a flute or something like that. And he got four X's. Then they were like, okay, we feel bad. You can try again. Then he got another four X's. And that was like impressive. A dude was playing songs through fruits and vegetables. Yeah, he had a Rudebaga.

What did he have? What did he have? It was like, oh, he played an apple. He played Chapel Rhone and it was Apple Rhone through an apple. He did Pink Pony Club. I mean, this is a total variety show back. It feels like the Muppet Show. There was a Mime.

There was a one-man band. There was a 60-person choir. There was a marching band. There was a country singer. There was us. I think we are kind of, there's people that are brought in for color that you kind of like know are going to fail. I think we were kind of brought in like more in like the novelty act.

Like there are singers that are incredible that you know like they're going to get the five stars. They're going to like they're going to kill it. They got to have a little bit of everything. Yeah, totally. You know, it's a variety show. Yeah. You cleared up some confusion because I have. had, you know, you did the glitter song, and you had mentioned on the show that, hey, you know,

we wrote this for the show. So that's what you made, you tweet the lyrics because I brought it up early and someone's like, no, no, that song's been around for a while. Yeah, it's been around for a while. They kind of like, they found it and they're like, let's tweak it and like, let's shape it for the show. Okay. That was our angle. There's so much I want to ask you, but we were so excited to talk to you. I guess we never fully said what you guys do for anybody that's familiar with Kuku. I suppose. Yeah, we got excited. We sing, we are Kuku and we sing silly songs and we're primarily like, playing family shows. Like we're like, we're a kids band.

You know what's funny is we got a lot of teachers have texted already today saying, oh my gosh, I'm fan girling. I absolutely love these guys. Teachers are our biggest crowd and they play our videos in their classrooms and they are why we exist basically right now. And how long has Kuku been in the business now? This is year 18.

Wow. That is on F unbelievable. We are very fortunate and lucky to still be our own bosses and still be rolling. That's great. You and Neil, you're Minnesotans. Yeah, we're Minnesotans. Neil moved to L.A. four years ago because he couldn't handle the seasonal depression. And now he's loving it.

But we see each other like every weekend playing shows. And you got, you met in college. You had a rock band at first, didn't you? We had a rock band, and then that didn't really go very well. And so we tried to flip it on its head and do something more interactive and weird. And this is what kind of came out. It's so good. We're already so entertaining.

We're receiving a lot of text messages here. One listener wants you to know that pancakes per dinner is a total banger. Oh, like in the hits. They liked pancakes per dinner. Another, I think Josh said something about teachers. This is, oh, I lost a listener's name. Teachers are the best. They could say, please thank Brian on behalf of all the preschool early childhood teachers.

Their material has saved us on many a rainy day. We're talking with Brian, one half Brian and Neil. They make up Koo-Koo. So America's got talent. I guess in a sense rejected, Cuckoole. Oh, yeah, let's be rejected. That's a great stamp. Yeah.

Great place to be. I mean, like you said, the exposure is. Oh, it's amazing. Have you heard from people since then? You get opportunities? I don't know about that yet. This opportunity, you guys reached out. This is a great opportunity.

If this is the only opportunity you get, Brian, by God. It's worth it. We're sorry. I don't know. I mean, we're so happy for your success. You've been touring quite often? We've been touring a lot. Yeah, we play almost all 50 states.

We play in Canada. We tour the UK every two years. And we toured Australia for the first time last year. So that was great. That is outstanding. It was very fun. Have you ever been involved in a show where maybe the Axe didn't quite make any sense? Has Kuku played with a metal band?

Oh, yeah. What are some of the combinations you had over the years of course? Well, we like to be different. We like to stand out. So we try to get this college booking agent a long time ago, and they lived in Nashville. So we booked the show on there were four metal bands, and we played in the middle.

And whenever we can be the juxtaposition, like that's where we win. Yeah. So, yeah, if you can't be good, you have to be really different. And so we're not very good, so we try to be really different. Well, it works.

I've seen a couple, like, basically appeared to be hostile crowds that you completely changed. Well, you guys saw us, The first reached out after the Twins game When I remember we played our poop song, everybody poops and they censored us And you guys were like, that was great. That was one of the most fun experiences

I ever had at a Twins game. Wow. I don't know how many years ago, but they had a regular gimmick going at the Twins games where in between innings they had bands that would perform. Local bands, yeah. Local bands. So I saw a handful of rock bands.

I'm at the game one night and they introduced Cuckoo Kangaroo. And I thought, okay, what's this? What's this? And if I'm not mistaken, Brian, I think you got through one song, but then when you played the Everyone Poops, they were potting your microphones up in... And I thought it was a technical glitch.

Yeah. But then your show ended, and we got a chance to meet you. And you said, no, no, they were doing that on purpose because they weren't so sure about the material. True, true, true. Yeah, we should have filtered through. Yeah, we have an album called Gross that has a song about Zits and Buggers.

and farting and hawk and lugies and poops. We had this song Popsico that took off, like, with elementary schools, and it got a little too hot. So we had to make our, we had to make, like, our comeback middle school record about, like, zits and boogers and stuff like that. It was such a fun experience, but it was a little confusing. Like I said, I thought, are the mics not working? Because I was dialed in right away.

I'm like, okay, I need to find out more about these boys. That's so lovely. Friggin' twins were potting the mics down. Come on, let's have a little fun. They're potting the mics down on a band whose last gig was at like a preschool probably. No doubt. Well, preschool is a tough gig. I'd rather do it.

I'd rather do a kindergarten. Kindergarten, okay. Is there someone that you'd love to collaborate with? Is there a group out there or maybe a show you want to be a part of? Oh, I wasn't, I wasn't ready for that one. Yeah. Anybody that's like outside of what you'd think it would be. That would be lovely.

Somebody. So like playing with Slipknot or something? Yeah, I was thinking like insane class. Pussy. Like we should play that we should play the gathering sometime. Um, you know, something, something left to say, if it was slip knot, that'd be incredible. Yeah. That'd be, that'd be wild. When you were a hard rock act, were you guys into really hard stuff at the time? Well, we were more, no, we were more like hooty and the blowfish for moms. Oh, okay. We were not hard. We were like, we were like soft. We were like soft rock. We were the

softest of soft rock. In your travels, have you met any other artists who, have been turned on to Kuku. We have met some really cool people. Okay, this is an artist in a different category, but Chris Angel reached out, the magician. Sure. And we played his kid's birthday party. No way. And that was really cool.

That was, we went to, we got to go to Las Vegas and meet him and his family, and we got to see his show. Wow. Which was really cool. So that's maybe our, like, famous person that we met. Did he explain to you how he found out about you guys? Yeah, just through his kid watching. videos at school. So, teachers again. I saw him perform live. He's an incredible performer.

I'd imagine you loved the show too. We got to see backstage a little bit, so I got to see one of the tricks. I can't believe they showed it to us. But there were two things that I didn't know how he did it. Wait, where did you see him? Where did you see him? In Vegas. Yeah, my wife and I, we went there for our honeymoon. It's the only time I'd ever been there, and we went and saw him. And he was such a good performer. And I mean, he was so good working the crowd. worked the crowd well he's really good at that he was awesome uh we're again we're speaking with

brian from kuku a lot of text messages coming in uh one listener wants to know if if we could squeeze you in on that megadeth iron maiden bill oh that would be great we should ask about that that'd be awesome to see you guys that uh we we think that uh opening for more metal bands we open for um frank turner he's a he's a rock musician uh folk punk guy we we play his show every year we like mc is festival but we need more hard rock. We should open that Creed show that you guys have coming up. Oh, I'll tell you what, right. Like, you know?

Are you available next Thursday night? Should we? Should we? Let's do it. We have to ask about that. Trust us. We'll do everything in our power because that sounds like a riot. We'll get Neil on a plane. We'll get him here. We'll open for that show, no doubt. Wait, it's Creed and Bush.

And Bush. And Tim Montana. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Next Thursday, it's our. At the new, at the new empathy. That's right. Are you guys going to go or is that too late for you guys waking up early? Well, we got the next day off. What? We're so high maintenance now, Brian. When we throw a concert party next Thursdays to half-ass morning show Summer Bash, we're so high maintenance and we've been here for so

frigging long. They'll damn near do whatever we say. That's great. We're taking the next day off because we are a little too old and addled now to party all night and then come to work. Do you need me to come in and fill in the morning show? You're welcome to do so any time. I was helping the ratings department. So yeah, it'd be great if you did. I mean, Nick, you got like an hour or more drive that night. What is that? Prior Lake or something like that. Where is the joint again? Shocopoe.

Shocopi. Yeah, it's a poke for me. That's a poke. That's going to be out there. Oh, man. Yeah, we're in people that said they, this morning when they heard us talking about you coming in, Brian, that they watched the AGT episode. Oh. Your portion this morning and they're still singing glitter.

Yeah. Is it okay if we play a little bit of that? Yeah. Here's the thing. Josh played the audio earlier and it was just fun to listen to the audio. Is that okay if we do that? Are you cool with it, Brian? Yeah.

Because we have, there's all these weird rules and stuff. So if you're good with it. Yeah, let's go. We were all singing glitter like crazy. It doesn't even give it justice with how loud that crowd was. I mean, did you guys have trouble hearing yourselves? They had the monitors turned up pretty loud, which is good. But the crowd is hot.

They have like a hype guy that comes out in between each act and like gets that crowd like pumping. And they cycle them out. So every crowd is only in there for two hours. So they're not like burned out. So they bring in like two or three crowds each day. And they film it for 24 days in a row. Just like cons and acts. But then Terry Cruz is in the back.

Very funny guy. He is a funny guy and he is very buff. He was a little shorter than I thought he was. But he is a lovely, he's a lovely human back there like pumping you up and stuff like that. Oh, that's great. He seems like he'd be that. What a cool experience. Yeah.

You guys. You guys are so kind for having me in here. We love it, man. We're fans. I know it's been a while since we've talked, but, I mean, your name comes up on this program quite often. Wow. I mean, I think that I try to speak whale maybe once or twice a month.

He learned how to speak whale from you guys. That's right. Just because it's so memorable, every couple of months we'll try to speak whale on the program. We're fans. And we've always hoped for the best for you guys. So that's really cool that you had that experience. And who knows what will come of it now. Who knows?

Maybe you get, I mean, you're something. such a likable, happy guy, Brian. I doubt that this will bother you. But whenever we talk about you, Weird Al Yankabit comes up. Oh my gosh, that's an honor. Yeah. And so I didn't know if maybe if you were tired of comparisons to weird. No way.

We are a silly band and we write novelty songs. And we're trying to make, we want to make the most obscure one-hit wonder ever. Like, that's what we want. Yeah. Like, so Weird Al is, he's the pinnacle. Yeah. He's a genius. He is the godfather of like obscure odd music, niche music.

So to even be like in the same category is great. What is your biggest song? What's the biggest hit? Probably Popsico. It's like a camp cheer we did. But beyond that, it's all eat is pizza. Cat party. Glitter's pretty hot right now.

So dinosaur stump. Just kind of like, we're moving along. So we keep putting out new records. We got a covers record coming out. this fall and then we're working on a jock jam spoof record called sports songs sport songs yeah that's gonna come on january so they're all like really generic like pump-up songs and then there's going to be like some skits in between so what what i gotta hear about the covers yeah oh covers we're doing selene dion cover we're doing faithfully by journey that's like sped up so it's only like a

minute and a half long uh we're doing uh goldfingers superman oh dude goldfinger yeah we're doing dancing moonlight carly ray jepson and then uh yakidi by the coasters and then all-star by smashmouth that's just sounds like what a lineup i can't wait when's that come out that's gonna come out in september that's it's gonna be all like chip tuny you know like kind of like video gamey and sounding would you be willing to perform that live if we can get it working out next thursday or i don't know how oh um you're saying one of the songs yeah like one of the cop yeah we can play we've been playing all star live yeah that'd be great That would be so fun to see you guys perform on that stage.

We're going to make some telephone calls on next Thursday's Creed Show. We've got to make some telephone calls on that. I imagine what do you boys need? Just a couple of microphones and two mics and an iPad. There you go. I mean, come on. We can't push that out onto the stage at some point. If you've got any power around here, Cubby, you can get it done.

I have zero power, but I can beg. I think that this would be up to booking agents and they would say we need to pass. But it's good to dream. It's good to dream. People have been enjoying our visit here with Brian from Kuku. As a matter of fact, someone just texted in and said, hey, if this guy knows anything about sports by Randy and Brad. Normally we talk sports during this.

I know zero things about sports. Are you not an athlete? I played like broomball and lacrosse and hockey. I love playing sports. I don't follow like the stats of sports. But Neil, the other guy in the band, he loves the NBA and the WMBA. He follows it like.

Okay. So I absorb through osmosis a lot of NBA and WMBA facts. For whatever reason, I'm picturing Brian and Neil from Kuku being an excellent pickleball team. Oh, I do love pickleball a lot. An excellent pickleball force. We could probably go. We are going to try to do Kuku on ice because Neil can't, he can't skate at all.

I think that'd be really funny just to have him fall during the whole show. Kuku on ice would be legendary. We're working on it. We might do it as like a promo for sports songs. Maybe we'll do it at like a, we're trying to find like a local ice rink that will have us for like an hour and let us sell some tickets. That would be in. A listener just text. I'm getting rid of all my like future gimmicks.

I'm throwing them out on the line here. Hey man. All of it sounds good to us. Wishful thinking. He says, I did the dinosaur stop every day during the 20, 21, 22 school year. Oh. I feel bad sometimes for people that like. their kids watch our videos like too much because our songs aren't that good.

We like them. We fell for it. You guys are so kind. Well, I mean, we've had a blast having you in studio. Thank you. And we just look forward to the covers record, the sports songs record. Yeah, coming out. We're working on it. Jock Jam's record. And we self-produced our own TV show. It's called Oh Yeah, Heck Yeah. And so we just put out season two. So there's 10 total episodes on our YouTube channel to watch for free. They're little sketches and then little music videos. Okay, we'll have to link to that, then. Jesus, I mean, we have a hard time just getting through 530 to 9 a.m. around here.

Well, that's the early time, you guys. You've got to wake up and brush your teeth. Oh, we don't do that around here. I mean, you guys must be so motivated. It's impressive everything that you're involved in. You got a YouTube channel. Is there a website you'd like our listeners to know about? It's cuckoo.com.

And we have website, otherwise YouTube channel, Spotify, Apple Music. that's all this stuff. That's awesome. Check out some things. Cuckoo.com. I didn't know you could do that. Come on, baby. You guys can get a lot of dots.

Like, after the dot, you can get a lot of things. Can you really? Yeah. They expanded the past Com. I thought it was Com or Org. I bet you could get rocks. I bet you could get 93x dot rocks. Okay.

I wonder I should look that up. Jesus, if that band ever falls apart, Brian. You're hired. We're hired? Yeah, you're hired. All right. That'd be great. I'll take over when you guys quit in like 20 years.

Oh, God, 20 years is no frigging way. No frigging way. We're going to make it another. The longest running morning show in the Twin Cities history right now going on, guys. We must be, I guess, yeah. The half-ass morning show. Yeah, I bet we are. Now that Dave Ryan retired.

27 years or something that Josh and I have been together on air in the 30 total, I think. Power trips have been on for a long time. I mean, they're much younger than we are. I can feel the love. I can feel the love between you, too. We are. tight. It's palpable. Are you guys like such good friends that you don't need to get each

other birthday presents now? You just do a head nod? Well, see, here's the thing, Brian. I am not the greatest gift giver. Gift giver, is how you say it, but Josh is the best in the business. Oh, no. I already bought his birthday and Christmas present. I can't wait to give him to him. He's got a sickness. So it's a little, it's a little off balance. As far as

gift giving goes. I'm hard at gifts, too. I just give people gummy bears. I don't want any gifts, though. So Oh, I see. You love to give, but not to, you don't want to receive. As he knows, it's my love language. But yeah, I don't want any, I know how he feels. I don't need a gift or anything. That's exactly it. That's his love language. Brian, thanks so much for your time. Thanks guys for chatting. Say hello to Neil. We'll do. And good luck with Kuku. We'll be, we'll be keeping an eye on you. You guys the best. I'm over and out. All right, man. We've got to take a break. We'll be back in a few minutes here on the half-ass morning show. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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The 93X half-ass morning show. All right, let me tell you, as we've hit 809 here on the Friday edition of the 93X half-ass morning show, let me tell you, talking to Brian from Kuku was just what the by God doctor order. We want to thank him for dropping by to jawjack with us. Those effing guys are so damn funny and so damn likable. It's ridiculous. Yeah, he made some new fans. And I'm glad you liked it. People texting in saying, I hadn't heard of these guys, you know, or the people that we mentioned earlier that have been texting in saying, my kids love it or my students

love it. They are so much fun. It was nice. I had the honor of peeing next to Brian as he was on his way out. Oh, wow. And he's even pleasant in the bathroom. I bet he is. You had a chance to hang it right next to the sum bitch.

Right next to him. It's not intimidating at all when you're barely five foot nine and there's a six. six-foot-four guy next to you. Well, you know, the last guest of this program that I urinated hip-to-hip with was also quite a bit taller than I was. Can I guess? Yeah. Hulk Hogan?

It was Hulk Hogan. Hulk took a squeege on his way out the building when we had him in studio. Oh, I don't know, a year and a half ago, when was that when we had Hulk Hogan in studio? Yeah. That could open up a whole big can of worms. You ever pissed next to a famous person? 651-989-9-93. No, I was in the

Outside of, you know, Brian from Cuckoo Kangaroo. Yeah. But I, or Cuckoo, I did, I was in a bathroom waiting in line to pee behind a guy from, um, not the real world. Uh-oh. What was the other road rules? Yeah, maybe it was road rules. One of the, an MTV show, there was some guy out of Wisconsin

and people were like, hey, that's so-and-so from, let's say, road rules or whatever it was. Some reality show guy. Yeah, it was an, when MTV first started doing reality. these shows. And I was at a... You can't quite remember who he was. I can't. You know, I didn't really watch that stuff, but they're, he had glasses. He was from Wisconsin. But they're like, that's so-and-so. And I heard another guy say, let's kick his ass. Oh, no.

Yeah, I urinated hip-to-hip with the hulkster. And in the process of both of us taking a squeege, he did call me brother. Oh, that's awesome. He did. So we thank Brian again. Josh has played his R&B version of our Booz Cruz theme song a couple times this morning, and I'm sure we'll hit it up again before we limp our way out of the joint. It's Booz Cruise night tonight. Some text messages have come on in. Our listeners are saying that the song has had a real effect on them. More than anything, Josh, it's damn near caused them to fall down and touch themselves.

It's so sexually charged. Oh, the boat song. What did I say? What did I said? I thought you were talking about cuckoo for. I still have them on the money. The R&B version of our booze cruise theme song is what I was talking about. Here's a couple of texts that have fallen into my lap on your R&B

Booz Cruz theme song, which I'm sure we'll hear again. You can play whatever the hell you want to as far as you. What do you guys tell me? Here's a listener who says you need to put out a flood warning before you play that scorching hot and wet R&B theme song again. Okay. Another listener has said, great. Great.

Now I'm horny. I hate when you're horny out of no one. Exactly. You're not expecting it. It's trying to go about your day. I'm trying to work over here. Now I'm horny, and I'm surrounded by three male co-workers on a job site. By the way, one of them is the friggin' new guy. His name is Clint, and he has no idea what he's doing.

He'll figure it out. Give him some time. Some urination with celebrity stories. This person peed next to Chris. Elliot at an apple bees in Cedar Falls, Iowa. Man. I love Chris Elwood. But at Fishing Guy Jesus peed next

local anchorman, Jeff Passold, in a fleet farm and said it was pretty sweet. Pretty sweet. Smooth vanilla Jesus, urinated side-by-side with Shaquille O'Neal. David Lee Roth? What? I would love to urinate.

I would love to urinate with David Lee Roth. What about Monster James? Working at a Monster Jam? Jam and he ran into David Lee Roth. Are you sure David Lee Roth was at the Monster Jam? Yeah. Maybe he was there from the previous night. Wow. That is impressive.

This person says they whizz next to Tommy Kramer in the New Metrodome. The new version of the gas pipe Jesus urinated alongside Donovan McNabb, former Viking quarterback. Again, with the Viking

quarterbacks. I didn't even David Lee Roth. That's what he said, yeah. I would love to do anything next to David Lee Roth. Me too. Donovan McNabb, I remember back when we broadcast from training camp, seeing him in person and wondering how he was possibly an athlete. Remember how he walked?

He walked like he was just getting off a long boat trip. I don't remember. I tried to get his sea legs. He had gotten a little beefy by his Vikings Day. There's no doubt about that. Did he have some balance issues? I don't know. It was funny.

I'm like, that's a professional athlete and a pretty good. one and he can't walk. On the topic of urinating next to a celebrity, a listener has a question for us, Josh. Is the singer from every mother's nightmare considered a celebrity? Yeah, sure. Love will make you blind. That was one of their

songs. Love will make you blind, I think. Every Mother's Nightmare. I love when you drag out those old 80s rock references. The most famous person I peed next to was a very cool story for a while, but not anymore because he did some very bad things and he's going to be in jail for a very long time. Did you take a

leak next to P. Diddy? There it is. Oh, really? Yeah. Did everybody laugh because it's P.A. P. Diddy? That kind of thing? I think I will. I was honestly just making a stab in the dark. You urinated next to Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, P. Diddy, whatever the hell he calls himself. Yeah, that's not cool. Yeah. Is he in prison? Yes. With probably more prison time coming.

But it was a fun kind of whimsical story for a while there. One of our listers urinated next to Ron Gardenhire. Cool. That is cool. Where were you when you urinated with Puff Daddy? I was working a K fan at the time, and he was in town for some type of promotion with KDWB. Oh. And I was running around doing a bunch of things. Sister Station. Yeah, I guess. Thank you for making that clear. So there was down the hall from us. I went to the bathroom, and I forgot that Puff Daddy was going to be there.

And I kind of just walk right past these two guys in suits with earpieces. That's kind of weird. And then I see Puff Daddy sitting there at the urine, standing there at the urinal, excuse me, but he wasn't taking a dump in the ear, and all. And I go, and I pee in that. He's wearing a jumpsuit. He's got a toothpick with diamonds in his mouth. And we go to the sink and he kind of gives me like a cool guy head nod. And I kind of give him the awkward cool guy head nod back. And that was that. This first woman says, is this a thing for guys wanting to whiz next to famous people? I don't know.

As a woman, I keep my eyes down and desperately hope no one's in the bathroom, famous or otherwise. No, I've never. So true. It's just something that's happened. No, I don't think it's anything that we... I don't have like a top 10 list of guys that next to pee. Yeah, we don't seek it out, but I think it's a unique situation to be in with someone as famous as Puff Daddy or Hulk Hogan or the others that we've named. Because you have their, they are captive in that moment.

You might say something. They are a captive audience. Siding Jesus says Jessica Simpson's dog pooped while standing next to me. Does that count? That's close enough. I had no friggin' idea when we just sarcastically, brought this up what it would turn into. Listen to this. Who's Who? Kurt Angle. Carrie Vaughan Eric. Frank Viola. Wow. C.M. Punk.

Cool. Apparently a lot of wrestlers have had to urinate here in town. They've got enough beers in them. It makes sense. Kirby Pucket. Ozzy's Osbourne. Oh, awesome. Dean, Kane. Get out of here. Ozzy Osbourne, did you watch, well, there's been a couple since he passed, but either one of the documentaries, Nick? I have not watched the Ozzy documentaries. I hear they're a real tear jerker.

Oh, man, I bawled, basically. No, I haven't. Why do you bring them up? I was just wondering. I was going to warn you, wear sunglasses or don't watch it next to somebody. You don't want to see you cry. I should be watching those, but I just haven't made the time. One of our listeners urinated next to Tiny Tim.

You know, I was at his funeral. Jalen Hurts. and it was on his birthday, says St. Paul Lim, oh, Jesus. He urinated next to... 28 days. Is it only 20? Paul Molitor. Cool. Keith Millard. A lot of Vikings and wrestlers. Lenny Lane, again, with the wrestlers.

Slash. No name's Sam Jesus. Pete next to slash. I mean, what do you do, Josh? I mean, when I was in that situation with Holcogan, we were fresh off of a live radio interview. So, you know, it... But what do you do you do? you do if it's totally out of nowhere. You walk into the bathroom, Josh. Let me try to come up with, okay, you and I are lifelong, dedicated fans of Sylvester Stallone. Let's just use him as an example.

You walk into the John Summers, and Sly is, he's butted up to that pisser, and there's a spot next to him available. Number one, you probably would go use the toilet because you would go use this stall because you'd be intimidated or nervous about it. That's a good point. But let's say you grow a set of nuts and you get hip to hip with sly. Do you try to engage him in conversation? It's out of nowhere. Afterwards.

I would have to. I would not want to bother them. And I understand there's some etiquette involved. But Sylvester Stallone, one of my all-time heroes. What if by the time you were done peeing, he was already out of the bathroom? That's the problem. I pee for so long. Josh just goes running after him.

No, you're right. So wait a minute. You would not say a word. while the both of the years were engaged in urination. I'd let him do his business. When the two ears are washing hands, maybe you'd say, hey, I loved you in Rocky. Yeah.

Something like that. Or just I might end it with, I love you. Well, you might. This is truly fascinating. Jason Neustadt. The way our text machine is rolling on the famous people, our listeners. Kevin Garnett, you guys have peed next to some famous folks. Yes, you have.

Rick Flair? All right. Keep them going. I'd love to hear more. Keep texting in. If you've got a real life urination story, where a celebrity's involved. But let me just change gears here real quick.

Earlier on this morning, we talked about ball busting. And if you missed it, this is a kink, apparently a very popular kink, where gentlemen enjoy having their nads pummeled into oblivion, kicked, punched, bitten, stood on. It's a thing, I guess.

I'm going to go along with it. It's part of a story we were talking about earlier. And a lot of our male listeners texted in with the worst punishment their wads ever received. Very interesting conversation. Some of the ladies felt left out. And I get that. I get that.

We did not mean to leave you out, but if we're talking testicles, there's not a hell of a lot we can do. But some ladies texted in and said, hey, we take some punishment down there accidentally now and again as well. I've heard getting hit in the boob is terrible. Yeah, that does suck.

Hot Coco Sheez is texted in to say, don't forget about us ladies. We take some, she said, when I was a kid, I took a teeter totter to the cooter. Oh, no, a teeter totter to the cooter? Sorry. Oh, I've taken one to the nads before, and it was a friend did it on purpose. I never even knew that was invented. That's dirty.

It is. So then you're suspicious after that. He left you kind of standing. Yeah, I didn't know that technology existed. He did the whole sneaky, I'm going to jump off the teeter totter. and hit you in the balls trick. That's what you're talking. This was, that's cold.

A friend. That's cold. All right. What else is going on around here? Okay, so before we go, we'll give you a heads up on everything that's happening tonight. We'll give you one more little run through on the events of this evening. Our post-independence day booze crews out there on the St. Croix. We'll thank everyone we have to thank and let you know whatever we feel you need.

we'll get to Josh's R&B sexy theme song as well but we'll save that for later Cubby the waymobile is back in the mix a while back you were telling us about the Waymobile I saw one for the first time the other day I still see it over here Yeah I see him over here all the time now

My husband pointed it out and I said a what It took me a second and I was like what in the world is that little thing So cute I've yet to see one of these waymobiles, which is a self-driving car. Are they strictly taxi cabs? That's what the waymobile is? Yeah, you call it that.

Right, like a ride share, but it's driven by a robot. Right. Just a computer. Driven by a computer. I've yet to see the waymobile in town. They're not here officially, from what I understand. They're just kind of mapping things out, testing them out here. And I know they're trying to find,

you know, they're using Minnesota as a testing ground for winter climates to make sure these things can get around. To see if these things can get around. That's my understanding. If you saw one, you'd know it. They're goofy looking. They got like sensors all over the place. Yeah.

What do you think? Do you think they'll be able to get around on snow and ice the way we do every? Come on. I think you got to have some practice. You've got to have a real barrel-chested Minnesota behind the wheel of that some bitch. You get it through some of it. So the way, oh, by the way, on a side note,

Snot Rocket Cheeses, a regular lady listener. And we've met her a few times. Snott Rocket Sheez's said she took a 90-mile-an-hour hockey puck to the Poon. Oh, no. So not the ladies are having their opportunity now to tell us their stories of genital. How do I say that? Genitalia. Genitalic damage.

I can't really think of anything that stands out so much in my life. I've definitely like slipped when riding a bike. That doesn't feel good. But nothing that's. I imagine you don't have any real traumatic. You could bruise that, I'd imagine. Oh, yeah, definitely. Did it bounce off or did it stay there?

I need more information. It's more of like a bounce, I guess. Oh, God, it hurts so bad. It's been so long. Thank God. What was it again? The bicycle, got you? Bicycle, sure, that's taken me out a few times.

What the hell? Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I got lost here. I was reading a text. Another lady listener who took a teeter-totter to her privates, dropped her to a knee. Was it on purpose?

I'd like to know. She didn't. Yeah, mine was, it was intentional. I was attacked. I'm a victim. Yeah, for you, it was a dirty trick. So here's the latest on the Waymobile self-driving taxi cab robot killing machine. I still don't trust a self-driving car.

I don't like the sounds of it. you're not going to catch me climbing into one, even if I'm real, real drunk. Our boss has taken one a couple of times. He says a little unnerving, but he was comfortable with it. He's not all there. He takes chances. He takes chances.

So it says here now, the robotaxicab gimmick, it says here, a couple of drunk 15-year-old kids out there in California hopped into a Waymobile robot taxi the other day, and the vehicle stopped and locked the doors so the kids couldn't get out. And the robot taxi called the cops on them for being too young to drink. You want to talk about a...

What a nart? What a flatliner. Yeah, there was just a story about a woman who was huffing that... Not air freshener. Nitrous. Or maybe it was nitrous. I can't remember. I didn't fully read everything.

Whipp it? She was in a more like an Uber. And the Uber driver just took her straight to the cop shop. Just right there. Oh, an Uber. A real-on-a-human being. Yeah, that's a human being, obviously, different. But I mean, I know that there's a ton of cameras in those Waymo's right, and they say,

listen, we know you want to banging these things. You can't. We're not going to let you do that. But the underage drinking, that's kind of a shock. So who's watching the cameras that are hooked to these? Is it maybe AI that tells you there's something going on and then a person looks at it? I couldn't tell you. Is there a control room somewhere where there are, I don't know, like law enforcement-type people

who are watching? Sure, it wouldn't be law enforcement. but, you know, certainly somebody that works for Waymo. So again, some 15-year-old kids. Maybe somebody knows. Maybe someone knows. We're at 651, 989, 93-93. So 15-year-old kids jump into the Waymo, the robot taxi.

It somehow notices that they're 15 and drinking. The kids were also firing pellet guns out the window of the vehicle. Seems like something you're doing or drinking underage. Yeah, horse and a rome. around. They were some type of pellet guns. So the Waymobile somehow reported this to the police, stopped, pulled over, locked the doors, and reported this to the cops. Self-ass driving snitch. Thanks for nothing, Robo Dick, right? If you're a 15-year-old kid trying to get drunk and fire... I'd be so pissed. I'd be upset. And because of the dramatic story that the Waymobile told the police,

Well, the cops had to approach the two of them with weapons drawn because of the pellet gun situation. So this turned out to be kind of serious. Probably scared the heck out of those guys. There's nothing here that says the teenage drunks are going to be facing any charges, but who knows? Yeah, so I guess you can't F off in the Waymobile. All right, so Hot Coco, she just got back to us. If you remember, she took a teeter-todder to the cooter.

Yeah. And she said it was intentional. Her friend on purpose abused her vagina like that. Not cool. You know, somebody that would do that to another person as someone who's probably never had that happen to him. Yep. The shock, the pain, the embarrassment, certainly,

if there's people around. It's so messed up. Although, is it embarrassing as a woman, Ashley, to get hit there? As a guy, it's terribly embarrassing because everybody laughs. I guess a little bit, yeah. Oh, I laugh just as hard when a gal gets smacked there accidentally. I've never seen it. Never seen it.

Oh, really? All right. So a listener is texted in on the Waymobile and the security abilities, if that's a way to say that out loud. In Las Vegas, at least, our listener, we've got a listener coming from Las Vegas here. There is a control room with human beings watching what's happening in the Waymobile. Is that right? That's according to this listener who knows a thing about how they run things in Nevada. That's creepy. Yeah, it is a little.

I get it, but that's creepy. unnerving. Because, you know, sometimes we want to do things in the cab, don't we? Yeah. I mean, when I was younger. Of course. Now I wouldn't probably. That would be embarrassing now at my age.

But when we were younger, we would do things in the taxi cab. Yeah, maybe for that you got to contact a ride share or a taxi cat. I don't see taxis too often anymore. No, me either. And then you catch the driver kind of watching you? Of course. No, never done that, thankfully. Oh, you've never had that moment?

No, that makes me uncomfortable. Well, no, yes. It makes everyone uncomfortable. Especially the driver. Well, no, no, no. Sometimes the driver isn't uncomfortable at all. I don't like that. But just sometimes we've just blown right past that.

If you're drunk. We don't care who's uncomfortable. We just keep going. Or you're, I guess, as they'd say now, when the internet bricked up enough, you're going to make some bad choices. There was one night where the taxi cab driver was watching, and I promise you, he was not uncomfortable.

He was hoping. When you guys stepped in, he was hoping. So there you go. We ought to take a break. Like I said, before we get out of here, we'll cover everything that's going on tonight with our post-independence day booze crews. There's a lot of information we can dump on you.

So we'll take a breather and come back in a little while here on the half-ass morning show. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

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