93X Half-Assed Morning Show - What Can WE Do for YOU?!

Episode Date: September 30, 2026

Originally Aired September 30, 2026: Hey ChatGPT, am I going to jail? Mile High rub down. Everything you've ever wanted to know about my secret friend.   Listen & subscribe to the show on the 93X app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. Text the show at 651-551-9393. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/ See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to brass tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheeding.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93x half-assed morning show. 90.3. All right, welcome, folks. We want to welcome you and make you feel right at home here on the 93X half-ass morning show. For our Wednesday broadcast. It's going to be just wonderful. And I'm not kidding.

Anything we can do to make you personally feel more comfortable, you just let us know. 651-551-93-93 that's our text machine let us know what you need is there anything you need right from the get-go Josh I was trying to think I'm pretty satisfied I try and be easy to please yeah nothing let me what about yourself I got to turn on my no I'm good I mean it's not about me it's about everybody else you know what a selfless person I am I'm trying to get this text machine to work just in case anybody's sending in any anything that they need anything that they need anything that could make you feel more comfortable, more at home. Nothing yet. Go ahead and text us. Okay. Well, it's a pretty low-maintenance crowd out there.

I think there are a low-maintenance crowd, but you never know. By the way, with all the rain that we... A lot of rain came through town yesterday. Did we get some water in the building? This place has a noticeable stank to it. Not that I'm aware of. A wet smell? It smells...

Oh, God, it hit me in the mug right when I walked in the joint. Not so much sitting right here, but in the general hallways when you just walk in the building, it smells like mold and standing water and broken, exposed genitals. Now, that used to be the case, all the, everything you just said, pre-Dena and Ashley, I guess. Do we have a basement in this building? No, we do not. Okay. I was going to ask you to go check the basement because it smells like water in the building.

Anytime there was really barely in a precipitation, our back lot would flood. And it was such a problem they had to redo everything. Oh, yeah. And so our garage back there is elevated, I don't know, six feet maybe. And that would still flood. We'd get so much water in that basin back there. It would be entertainment where we'd just go watch it. It was crazy.

There's boats going by. People would, the trains all of a sudden, they'd have to put, they'd have to put, boat motors on them basically to get through there. It was awful. At my last job, I came back from Christmas break. You know, we had a couple weeks off there and opened the door and standing water. It came flooding down, but ankle deep. The fire sprinklers went off and nobody realized while everybody was gone for Christmas break.

Oh, man, that's hilarious. It was, and I called my boss and he was like, okay, yeah, very funny, Wessel. Like, let me go back to sleep. I'm like, I'm splashing around in water here, dude. Yeah, it was bad. It was really, it was every rain. There'd be some sort of flooding back there. That smells moldy and terrible in here, even more so than usual.

I haven't showered in a couple days. I sure hope it's not me. Yeah, me neither. It could be my upper lip. There's always that chance. Dana, what was it that your friend described when your friend drank or ate something and he said it tasted like black licorice and ass cheeks? Yeah, black licorice and butt cheeks.

That was a shot of the Greek liqueur Ozu or something like that. I've never heard of that. Lecour. Yes. There's a reek in the building this morning that I haven't smelled before. QA. Jesus was hoping for two blondes and a redhead. That's something he could use this morning. Damn, I mean, I'll make a couple of telephone calls.

I really will. A lot of folks who have texted in about what we can do to make them more comfortable or make them feel more at home. A lot of folks just want to simply put you to work, Josh, on your sound effects machine. They want the wing ding bar guy. They want the... I totally understand why you just want to hear that again, but we don't want Cubby over there hurting himself.

Some folks want to hear the Chinese college kids with the lighted fart. They want to hear the... I want people to be happy. As long as it's okay with you, it's okay with me. I just don't want you over there running around until you hurt yourself. No, I'm a people-pleaser. You pull something. I was actually talking about the Wing Ding Ba guy the other day.

at the Iron Maiden concert. And we used to hear from him. And I realized, well, shoot, it has been a little while since we've heard from him. I hope he's okay. He moved on. He got bored with us. Yeah, maybe that's the case. For a while, after we had him on, we'd heard from him almost every day.

We don't hold the people for a terribly long amount of time. We don't really... Certainly in my personal life, I've noticed that. Yeah, that's... Well, absolutely. I've noticed that about you, too. Where'd they go? People get burned out and they move on, so that's probably the explanation behind the wing ding. I thought he'd be cooler.

Yeah, when I walked in, it kind of reminded me of the smell in the building kind of reminded me of some of the old warehouses I used to work in. You know what I do miss? Well, I miss quite a bit about those days, driving forklift and working with that warehouse crowd. I mean, we had a riot. We had a riot. One of the things that I miss about working one of my old forklift warehouse gigs, have we ever had this problem in this terrible, disgusting building?

have we ever found any critters in here? Not in this one. In the last building for sure. I mean, certainly giant insects seen here. In the last building, we had mice. We had mushrooms growing not a critter, but we had mushrooms, true story, growing in the basement carpet. That goes back to the water in the basement, yeah.

No, I mean, at the old, one particular old warehouse gig I had, we worked with dry materials. mixing dry materials and these massive vats. And so because of all of the dust, and I know every last swing and D from that warehouse crew, every last one of us had five or six years shaved off of our life expectancy because of the dangerous dry materials that we were huffing all day long. And it said right on the bag,

It said, if you breathe this for more than 10 minutes, you're not going to make 60 years old. But, of course, we were young and tough. None of us wore any of the breathers. We never, because we're hard-ons, right? We're young guys. So because we worked at those dry materials, the garage doors were open 24 hours a day. Not in the winter, of course, because we didn't want to freeze to death. But in the spring and summer, the garage doors never closed.

It was three shifts. Garage doors open 24 hours a day. So, and we were located in Hamel, which was kind of the boonies, or at least back then it was the boonies. Now things have spread, you know, to where Jesus, Hamill's almost like a big town now. But so we're in the middle of the woods. Garage doors never closed. Spring and summer. So critters were always walking in and trying to make our warehouse their new home.

Rats, cats, bats, opossum, raccoons, foxes, dogs. Fun. Turtles. I like turtles. Part of the fun was, you know, we did work pretty hard. It was pretty tough physical work. But if a critter had gotten into the warehouse, we didn't need to get right to work. First, we had to trap this critter and get it out of here.

So that was kind of fun where we all of us young guys running around trying to catch this fawn or whatever had wandered into the, you know, one guy brought in a big fish net, you know, to slap it over. the top of the rack. You ever seen a raccoon how pissed off they get when you dump a fish net on the sun bitch? Oh, I haven't seen that part, but I've seen pissed off raccoons. I thought he was going to chew right through it and kill every one of us. So that was kind of the vibe I got when I walked in this

one. Those were fun times for a lot of reasons, but chasing down the critters every day. I'm telling you, Cuppie, there were rats in that building that would part your hair for you. I've seen mice in this building but not many. We've been pretty lucky, having a lot of that.

You mentioned Fonz. I saw a couple beautiful yearlings in my lawn the other day. A couple days ago. Oh, jealous. Probably got it on camera somewhere. It's magical. I've never seen that before in our yard. We get the regular-sized deer, but not the yearlings.

Were they in your neighborhood to check out the fall colors? They could have been. Yeah. It was wonderful. I mean, they're about the age where you've got to start having to talk, right? They're right about that age. Pretty soon they're going to be mating. Mating.

You've got to talk about that. All right. Running around being whores. Horrors, she says. People are. There are horrors? You said, dear are hoars. Deer are hoars.

Is that well known? I had not heard that reputation. Me neither. I've heard that about bunnies. The bucks will just, they'll get it done and then they'll take off. Find the next one. Oh, geez. No romance, huh?

What do we do? Wouldn't it more, aren't the butts? Buts? Aren't the bucks more to blame there that they're just? Yeah, that's mostly what I'm not willing to commit themselves to a relationship. Yeah. Oh, male horse. Yes.

Gotcha. All right. People have been texting in what they can do, pardon me, what we can do for them to make them feel more at home. Well, some of it is music related. Here's a guy. It's his first day back to work after having a couple of the days off, and he's desperate to hear the sound of silence. It's been a while. It has been a while.

Who would have thought that was ever going to happen, where it was going to be a while between playings of the sound of silence on this radio station? And our boss is so good at trolling, we pointed out, much like listeners, I even had family members saying, my goodness, is that the only song you guys have? We complained about it, and then that's the only song you would schedule for us anymore. Oh, and plenty of people, and we'll get to this, certainly. Plenty of people want to hear that Chicago White Sox player who was incredibly drunk after they clinched a playoff spot and he was screaming about how he said.

How many people? Japanese. Near a hundred people. One hundred! I want to hear from Miracami again. He is Japanese. A hundred. 100? Hmm.

Hey, if you're looking for something to follow on that terrible, soulless, evil, wildly misinformed social media, I'll say it again. Worst idea in human history. Started out cool, I thought. See, I wasn't there in the early days. I thought that's kind of a neat idea. You can keep up with people you don't normally see. You can watch a dog riding a Zumba.

Or not a Zumba, but a Rumba, maybe even a Zumba. But you agree with me now? Worst idea in human history. Oh, yeah, it's awful. Yeah, I got bad. But Josh is right. It started out, fantastic. It's going to start wars.

Yeah, it's terrible. I wasn't there. I'm chasing turtles around the warehouse. I missed. So much bad information. We've experienced that here. Just bad information, anger. I don't understand.

place to anger. If you're looking for someone or something to follow on social media, here's a guy that might grab you. There's some ass clown wandering around. I don't know if he's going to come this away. Right now he's primarily traveling across Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee. And here's what he does. He must be a trust fund baby or something that doesn't. doesn't have to work because he's just traveling around, eating at different Chinese buffets until he gets food poisoning? Don't fully understand. No, I don't.

Fun. He is very funny. Are Chinese buffets known? Is he really funny? I've never. Yeah, I find him entertaining. Because of this or were you already following him? No, I got turned on by somebody who's like, this guy is going around every day eating at a buffet until he gets food poisoning.

But you got to, if you have. If you have any taste at all, you've got to dislike the easy mullet gimmick, right? Or do you like the mullet gimmick still? And it's got kind of like a Hawaiian shirt. I hate the mullet gimmick, number one. It doesn't bother me. Okay, I hate that. It's not like I'm like, oh, he's got a mulled, that's hilarious.

It just kind of looks like his vibe. It sucks that he is, he goes by the handle of mullet reviews. Because it's a funny haircut, Josh. It's short on the top and log in the back. It kills me every time. It's a mullet. I had one in high school. Of course you did.

We all did back then. Why are you yelling at me? Because that was 30 years ago. And I did it for comedy. It's not about you, Josh, right now. Please, don't misunderstand me. It's that the friggin' haircut has been around for 35 years and people still use it as their punchline. You got to find a new bit.

But he's just doing... You got to find something else about you. He's just doing Chinese buffets. Sorry, I blew up. That's okay. Yeah, I've never... I ask is because... I'm in Zeparney!

Sorry, Ashley. I've never gotten food poisoning from a Chinese buffet. Josh, you were asking, like, if they're known for that? Yeah, ever. I've never been disappointed. Neither have I. I've never gotten food poisoning, ever. So this guy with the terrible...

Ha ha, ha, I've got a mullet, and I wear silly Hawaiian shirts. We'll try to move beyond that. His gimmick is he's eating at a different Chinese food buffet until he gets food poisoning. they say here he's on day 100 aught nine. I tuned out for a second. Day what? Oh, for Christ's sake.

One hundred! Nine. People are following him around, you know, following him. How do I say that? They're following his journey. And people are texting in saying they follow him on social media and find him very funny. They're not literally following him. They are...

Yeah, following. Virtually following him. I didn't want to paint the picture that there's a line of cars. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, they're following him online, virtually. Okay, so listeners are saying he's funny. Yeah. Despite the mullet.

Some might like the mullet. I mean, now it says, hey, I'm attempting to be funny. It might be interested in what I have to say. You know what I mean? Yes, I do. Painfully aware of it. Otherwise, I might just skip right past him. You see a mullet, might go, I bet this guy's got something funny.

You know, so. Yeah, I don't really get it. I mean, I get it, but I don't get it. He's expecting to get food poisoning? I don't know. I kind of, I'm just like skimming his Instagram, and I already love him. He looks funny. What is it?

He just, I like the way he looks. Is it the haircut? Dana's right. It works for him. It'd be weird if he had different hair. It says here he has, he's very brave. He tries. Now, this, this I can follow.

He does eat. that a lot of us would probably skip over. He does make some bold food choices in these things. He's got to. He's got to keep it interesting, right? People are going to follow him on. And people are giving him credit for having this, you know, iron stomach. He has yet to get sick. I mean, just eating that food every day for a hundred days in a row you think would make a guy sick.

Dude, he is eating so much sodium. He is probably so dehydrated. That does happen to be sometimes after, because it's tough to stop. You're right. Dehydrate. You're shriveled up. You wake up in the middle of a night and your face is just bone dry. Your mouth is bone dry.

You can pinch your skin and it just stays that way because you have no fluids in you. What is that? MSG or whatever. I don't know if that's still in there, but I remember people that always say, oh, it's got a lot of MSG in it. So much salt. Yeah, I can understand for sure. You eat buffet food every day, all day.

Yeah, you're going to probably have some interesting trips to the bathroom. Your stomach is going to be upset at times for having to digest the same. Crab rangoon. Is that Chinese? Crab rangoon? Well, I know we got that last night. Really? Oh, he did?

Nice. I like crab. Anyway. But it's not necessarily. a guarantee that he's going to get food poisoning. So I don't know if people are going to be disappointed if it never happens. Here are a couple of the items. Some of the bizarre items that he's not afraid to throw into his cake hole.

Corn in milk? Is that something you typically find at a corn in milk? Yeah, I haven't heard of that. And then here's something else. Iced lettuce. So he has a few laughs. This is his thing. He rates each buffet on cleanliness, temperature, the vibe in the room.

Okay, I like a good vibe. I feel like I've missed out. So many texts are coming in saying, yeah, this guy's really fun. Until last night, I'd never heard of him. No means. You know, maybe I guess we're not on social media. But usually you'll see an article like, you've got to follow this guy. You've got to watch this guy.

And plenty of people are texting in. And I'd say the number one text folks are saying is you got to watch episode 99. Are you familiar with that, Dana? I'm not sure if I've seen specifically 99, but I did go through in the last couple days, been watching more of his videos because I just got turned on to him, and I find the guy very entertaining. Well, that's what everyone's saying. And yeah, and somebody pointed this out.

He specifically goes to the lowest rated ones on Yelp. It'll be like, this one has a 2.3 rating. And then afterwards he'd be like, you know what? I think that was more of a 2.5. I'll give that a 2.5. Yeah, he went to one that was over a 2.5 rating, and people were yelling at him about it. We used to, I know it's not a Chinese buffet, but we used to go to that Kans Mongolian place. Oh, I like that place.

Like constantly. To the point where I'm wondering if they're worried about us. We just haven't gone for no real real. Well, I suppose two of our kids moved out, we used to go quite a bit. I'm not familiar with the joint, but. Oh, you'd love it. Like Ashley was saying, I've never been disappointed by a Chinese food buffet. Number one, I, well, I guess I shouldn't say I love Chinese food because my knowledge of their menu.

is very limited. I pretty much eat the same damn thing. Anytime I try Chinese food because I just absolutely love pork fried rice. Just give me a massive bucket of pork fried rice. I don't need any of the other ones. What do you got? Like your chalmain. Oh, no.

I like the low main. The noodles. So I'm not very educated on their menu, but I know one thing. Yeah, like all that stuff. pork fried rice, his lights out. So I've never had a bad experience. And it's funny because I was just hearing a story about one of my friends and what an eye. So more or less this mullet reviews guy, I'll give him credit.

He must have a hell of an iron stomach. Because I imagine if he was having terrible diarrhea and whatnot, he'd certainly put that online, wouldn't he? That's how you get the ratings. That's, that's. I was just hearing a story about a friend of mine who's got an iron gut, and now I can't remember what he did to prove that. So I'll move away from that because I can't think of the story. But every one of us knows somebody where you can't believe their food choices,

and yet they just walk around like it ain't no thing. one of my pals I mean he'll one night at the twins game he'll he had like nine or ten tall beers and then at last call there he got himself a

a big bouquet of cotton candy and inhaled that he's unbelievable with the sweets what his stomach can tolerate with sweets in the middle console of his motor vehicle he's got miniature milky ways and skittles and starbursts and this isn't a kid This is a 50-year-old man.

So that's one guy I can think of where I'm impressed how he can pour beer all over that sweet stuff. And he's all right. I would be doubled over in pain. Everyone knows one of those guys. Oh, I remember what it was now. It was people who can mix their liquor. Oh, I can do that. Well, there's a couple of characters at my regular neighborhood bar where,

it is just the oddest thing. They'll start off with a glass of wine, and then they move on to a pinia collada. And then they take a couple of shots of Jack Daniels, and then they go through a couple of beers, and then it's on to a Captain Coke, and then a bath. What? I do it on accident all the time.

So that's why I think I can handle it, is because, I don't know, maybe I'm drinking earlier in the day, so I'll drink screwdrivers. But then I realize, like, Oh, shoot, I don't want to just drink those all day because orange juice is going to mess me up. And I was like, but I don't want to drink too much. So I guess maybe I'll have a couple of beers. And then I'm like, ah, that's kind of boring.

So then I'll drink whiskey. And I'm like, ah, this is an interesting mixture. This might not feel good. But then I end up being fine. But I think about it while I'm drinking. Like, oh, I just had Jameson. I probably shouldn't have a shot of vodka. But oh, whatever.

Screw it. You ought to see a couple of these gibronies. that would turn my stomach into garbage the way they can just cross over from Is it the mixtures that messes with you? Yeah. Well, no, meaning like what the alcohol is mixed with, like a pinia collada versus just at, what's it?

It's rum. I don't know what's in. He has rum-based. Like if you go rum and then vodka, would that mess with you, or is it just kind of all the other stuff that goes in it? Because to me, like, just different, not knowing a lot about it,

but like going from like, I like your Jack Daniels to some sort of vodka, whatever, doesn't sound so bad. But when you were describing everything mixed in with it, that sounds like it'd be kind of tough. I guess I'm not sure how to answer the question. It's just I know for sure that if my alcohol choices in one night, one day, this is one of those guys that starts about 2 o'clock in the morning. Pardon me, 2 o'clock in the afternoon and, you know, 10 p.m. he's still drinking. I can't really answer the question, Josh, because I've never done that kind of thing. but I just imagine that if I'm drinking a couple of glasses of wine

and then I go to something. See, I'm such a beer drinker that I'm sure I'm missing some extreme examples here of what this guy does. Because I can imagine going for like... Radical changes. Going from like a pinia colada to a bloody merry to, you know, just like those types of mixes. I'm glad you brought that up.

Yeah, it's like tomato juice and then 20 minutes later it's orange juice. You're right. See, that part sounds worse to me than just the alcohol. The mixer. Right, the mixers. So you know what I'm saying. The worst, I think, is during the holiday season where you go from like mimosa's to something to like whiskey at night. That always beats my ass pretty good.

That'll be a hell of a day the next morning. So you're describing kind of the mixture again of the different alcohols. Could it just be the fact that you mentioned you started drinking in the morning and continued drinking through the night? Could that be what messed you up? Possibly. Yeah. How was it that I feel so terrible? the next day.

What happened? I've only been drinking 12 hours in a row. Oh, yeah. It's never really messed up my tummy too bad, but I definitely think about it the next day. Like, oh, that mixture probably wasn't the greatest idea. It brings up one of my pals on a weekend trip up north. You know, we're just hammering down drinks, you know,

two, three days in a row. Oh, on this particular day, I guarantee the guy had a dozen beers. and then quite a few shots. They got out the ski. What is that thing again? The shot ski. Shotsky. They got out the shotsky.

He's first in line for that, right? So now he's into about a 12 pack of beer, seven or eight shots. Then he decides to pull out the joint stick, right? Now he's choking down, you know, a bunch of dope. Oh, I guess I've never heard. You know, does that a mixture bad? the combination, I should say, between, like, weed. Oh, yeah.

Definitely. That's what sent me into oblivion a handful of times in high school. So it's kind of one or the other. For some people, some people can handle both easily. Right. In this case, again, this is an extreme situation. Yeah. He drinks all the beer.

He drinks all the shots. Now he's pounding down joints, right? Ass end of the night, he has a couple of mixed drinks. And at the ass end of the night, he finally eats. someone brought a beautiful big pan of tater tot hot dish. He finally has something to eat. Goes to bed that night. This is a guy that created the puke curtain when I was sleeping on a bunk bed with him.

So he vomits all over the cabin, narrowly missing me because he's on the top bunk. I'm on the bottom bunk. It was one of the most horrifying evenings of my life. It's pitch black in this cabin. He's sleeping above me on the bunk. bed and I'm trying to sleep but I'm not quite asleep yet and I hear him he's spitting over the side of the bunk bed oh dude I would he's doing that all I heard was this just gross and I knew exactly what that meant no I backed myself into the corner of that lower bunk and here it comes all up I can see

in the glow of the moonlight I can see this curtain of vomit falling and here's where I'm going with all this. When he comes to what did he blame it on? The Tater Todd hot dish. I'll lay anything fuzzy flooring Jesus says. The last time his wife had Mamosas first thing in the morning, by night

they ended up playing naked beanbags with their neighbors in the garage. And it all started with a mimosso, first thing in the morning. When you get going right away, Sometimes all bets are off. It's like when people bring up shots to me. Oh, you don't drink shots?

You don't drink shots? You don't drink? No. Last time I had multiple shots. I woke up in my pal's car on his property, not like at a bar parking lot. It was on his property in his driveway. I woke up in the, thankfully, the passenger seat of my buddy's car, and I didn't have any pants or underwear's on. Dude.

Did you ever find them? Yeah. That sounds fun. Do you remember being with a woman? Don't remember anything. Nothing at all. What? No pants, no underwear.

Didn't you have the same experience at a dentist office once? Or am I thinking of somebody else? You're thinking of when I went to get my first, what are they called? Colonoscopy. Yeah. Where I was nervous like anybody would be for their first colonoscopy. And I asked the doctor. I said, where should I put my pants?

And he sat over there on the chair with mine. That's right. That's what it was. We got to get going again. Again, anything we can do to make you more comfortable, feel free to text us here on our Luther-Bloomington key at text line. The number is 651-551-93-93. What is it today?

Thursday? Wednesday? I have no idea. Wednesday? That means Brader and Redd. We'll be back with the stupid news here in a couple minutes on the half-ass morning show. The 93-X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends.

It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air-condition I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning providing the comfort you deserves is 1930.

Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here. If you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave be is your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries, even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bialke Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to bionalkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket, trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple

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Oh, what is it now, Cubby? Oh, we were talking about that online guy, that social media guy. He goes by the name of a mullet man or something, and he's traveling around America, and he's eating every day at a different Chinese buffet. until he gets food poisoning. Apparently, he thinks it's a guarantee that eventually he's going to. So we got to talking about that guy. Every day he eats at a different Chinese food buffet, waiting to get sick.

Will it work? I guess he'll have to follow him on social media. A listener asked this question now. Difficult question to answer, I think. Or maybe we'll come up with something. A listener just wants to know, in general. what food do you think would give any of us food poisoning the easiest? And I sent a message back.

I said, I don't know. Personally, I have a pretty strong stomach. I just took a guess. How about expired chicken or tuna salad sandwiches? That would probably do it. Old seafood? I don't know. See, I've never had food poisoning.

You have. Yeah, I had it two or three times. and it was vegetables that got me. Yeah, same here every time. My doctor's always on my ass about eating those vegetables. Yeah, I slowed down on vegetables after that because that's the only thing that got me. It's miserable, absolutely miserable. There was that thing that came out not too long ago where all the berries were being recalled

because, I don't know, something was going on. Dingle. Explosive diarrhea or something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I read all that, and then I went to the store and I just bought berries. I was like, screw it. You went for it anyway? I thought in my head, I was like, well, you know, if they found the stuff that's causing it,

I doubt they're selling it anymore, right? So let's just go for it. You were looking to prove something? Yeah. Here's a listing who texted in and said sushi. I can do it. Yeah, I can't do sushi. People that do gas station sushi, I love sushi, but gas station sushi, I stay away from them.

I used to survive on gas station food. I got messed up on gas station hard-boiled legs once. Oh, yeah. I remember that one. Yeah, that's dangerous. But I went back to that. I haven't stopped. You were nuclear.

Yeah, that was bad. On the day that you had three expired gas station hard-boiled eggs. Yeah, the vegetables, though, by far the worst. Okay. If I could, I mean, if there's any silver lining to food poisoning, at least in my experience, you throw up a couple hundred times. Yep. And then the last time you throw up, you're totally fine.

And it's kind of nice to start with a clean slate, too. You know, everything's out. There's nothing left inside of you. Yeah, that's it. It just gets rid of stuff you ate 10 years ago. Well, for Homer's, Simpson, as far as food poisoning goes, it worked for him when he found a giant party sub that he had forgotten and was behind a radiator. That did it for him.

It'd be tough not to eat that still. People are texting in about oysters, sushi. Again, the question is, what food do you think would give most of us food poisoning the easiest? Somebody says old rice. Now, you can die from that, right? There's a condition, like, is it first? Fried rice or just regular rice where it doesn't last very long. I remember this story.

It kills people. I remember it worrying me a little bit because, again, earlier this morning, I expressed my undying dedication to pork fried rice. I know very little about anything else that's on the Chinese menu. But I love pork fried rice. And I just, I get the biggest spoon in the friggin drawer and I just windmill it into my. And I've been known to keep that stuff for a few days in the fridge. until we heard this story a few days ago.

Pardon me, not a few days ago. We heard this story a few years ago. Was it, Josh, was it not something to do with maybe leaving a utensil in the rice? Well, that could have been, I remember it just, it was like a couple days left over. Okay. And it killed a kid. You're not supposed to leave it out. You're not supposed to let it get to room temperature before you put it into.

the icebox to save it for leftovers. Icebox? You sounded like my grandmoney. That was adorable. I knew I was going to get, I get called out for saying that at home too. I think she told me that while sitting on the Davenport back in the Yeah, I get called out for that at home. I don't know why I say that. But yeah, so you're not

supposed to let it get to room temperature because something happens to it once it gets to room temperature. Well, I've never let it get to room temperature. I thought it was something odd, like there's something in the fried rice, and when it mixes with something in the materials for your typical spoon or fork that that combination can kill you dead.

But this is a long time ago. I haven't heard that. It was called Fried Rice Syndrome is what it's called. And it can be within like, it's like a day or less. It's crazy how quickly it goes bad. And apparently it says here that you can microwave the hack out of it. It doesn't matter. Whatever this bacteria is.

It'll kill you. Okay. that's probably because of my love of fried rice. That's probably the only food where I push it a little bit as far as how long I keep it in the fridge and how long I continue to eat it. Other than that, I'm pretty good about just giving up on some leftovers and sweeping it into the trash. My mother had zero concept on the expiration. of food. It was something to watch.

That's how my wife is. It was troubling at times to watch how long something would remain in her refrigerator and how long she would go back to it. Maybe the time that turned my stomach the most was she loved the tuna fish sandwich, a good tuna fish sandwich, which I do as well. And I remember walking into my focus. place and there's a tuna sandwich just sitting out. I think maybe there was a paper towel on top of it, right?

Tuna sandwich sitting out and my mother started to eat it. And, oh, I said, oh, you got tuna fish sandwich? I'd like to have some. She said, now this is from last night. And I said, you put it in the fruit? No. I've done some sketchy stuff like that. She would just, she'd leave it out overnight and just come right back to it.

A tuna fish sandwich. Oh, I know how I'm going to get food poisoning. I leave sauces out and then I just put them back in the fridge like 20 hours later. I'm not sure what sauces are. Like ranch, like cream-based sauces. Like a salad dressing? Well, they keep it out in the store. But after you open it, you're supposed to refrigerated.

You're supposed to, you know, put it back in the fridge. But I'll just leave it out. And my husband would be like, how long has that been out for? And I'm like, oh, I don't know, like an hour. It's fine. It's been out for like 20 hours. But then I try it, and I'm fine usually every time. Hillman Welder Jesus just rocked my world.

This is a conspiracy theory that there might be something behind it. Doctors are always telling you eat your vegetables. Just had a physical the other day. And the doctor was like, dude, you've got to start eating vegetables. He said, of course the doctors want you to eat your vegetables. They know you're going to get sick. And that's how they get paid. If you're healthy, they're broke.

They're commission-based. That's genius. You've never heard that theory before? No. I hear it connected to everything. Do you really? Yes. I hear it connected.

Smoking, drinking, eating. Yeah, they all say, of course, doctors, you know. I don't know if you guys have ever had that experience. But yeah, usually when I go to the ER, they're like, hmm, how do we make you sicker? We want you here, actually. Yeah, it's all a scam. I'd never heard that before. Oh, God, when we cleaned out our parents' refrigerator.

Oh, actually, this is more of a telling story about my mother having no concept of food. actually going bad or expiring. The first time we put her in the old folks home, we're trying to make her room as comfortable as possible. We're trying to bring as many features from her home to her new apartment at the Blue Hair Motel. Got her a fridge and everything, of course. And she starts asking for certain foods. Can we, can you grab that?

those pickles and that and that pop from the fridge and bring of course we can she started asking about some ribs or something oh no now when you were looking through my fridge did you see those ribs and i don't know one or two of us we were like well i don't know maybe yeah i i i i your dad made those um like seven or eight days ago and uh what a week they've been sitting in their refrigerator. You want us to bring them over here? No. For you to eat. I'll run a famous Dave's for you, okay? I'll get you some fresh stuff.

Or it was her brother actually that made them because my dad had already passed away. They were possibly related. The death and those ribs, I don't know. All right. We got to get going. Oh, no, wait a minute. I can't get going yet because there's more text messages here. We also

asked our listeners earlier on this morning If there's anything that we can do to make you more comfortable this morning, just feel free to text it to us. 651-551-93-93. Let's see if we can accommodate any of this, Josh. Well, one listener says, I just walked into work about an hour ago. Can you provide me the sweet relief of death? Oh, shoot.

That's not good. Oh, a listener would be more comfortable, Josh, if you would move the printer a little closer to your microphone. The print right over here? Yeah, I can do this. Ah, that's clumsy moron! A listener says I could really use some disgusting stories this morning. Well, I guess we've...

This is the place. We are known for that. We have told a couple of, I think, somewhat unsettling food stories already. The stupid news is here. I don't know that it's too disgusting. We'll find out. But, yeah, we're always good for that. We talked about the puke curtain earlier.

Yeah. That was pretty gross. Yeah, that works. And then an interesting request from a listener, he says, why don't you go ahead today and have Tiny and Donnie Hoggbauer from Hoggbauer Automotive on the program? Like every day, today's version of the Half Fast Morning Show is brought to you by Hoggbauer Automotive, 3rd Avenue and Main Street. Just so you know, we have asked Donnie and Tiny many times to come on the program, but they've respectfully declined. They're shy. They want too much money to be interviewed.

I guess I didn't get that. What they told me on the telephone is they're just happy to have the relationship that they do with 93x and they don't want to say anything or do anything to jeopardize it. They didn't ask me for any money. I asked them, would you guys be willing to come on? And they just said to me, how much you got. And I told them, we don't really have a budget. We can't pay you to come on.

You asked them how much you owe them, and they asked you. So I asked them if they'd want to come on. And they just specifically said, how much. you got. Right. All right. Let's get her going here with the stupid news report. Let's get her. I'll tell you, this gal got it going, so to speak. She did. A gal on an airplane ride out of Baltimore, Maryland on its way to Miami. Or maybe it was the other way around. I think maybe she left Miami. Yes, she left Miami on her way to Baltimore. Maryland, and that will matter later in the story.

Well, maybe it doesn't. By God, in the middle of that plane ride, she took her pants, smooth off, and she upped and began playing with herself. You bet she did. She did, you bet. In the middle of the plane ride, she takes off the pants.

And the lucky bastards on that airplane, they got a hell of a show. I'm going to give you till the rest of this flight to knock this off, lady. Everyone's been in that spot where you're like, Man, I'd like to have some right now, but you've got to be reasonable about it. You're an adult. You'd like to have some of myself right now. Yeah, have some of something.

Now, obviously, that's disgusting and wrong to openly masturbate on an airplane, but I've got to say that tossing off on an airplane is such a male-dominated sport that I do find it refreshing. I do feel that find it kind of refreshing that a lady has stepped up and made it clear that anything the fellas can do, she can do it even better. I like that. Yeah, quality. a flight attendant on this plane ride. She told the cops, because the cops got involved, as you might imagine, she told the cops that about 20 minutes into the trip,

the mile high rubout gal here, she just went ahead and took off her trousers and started paddling that old canoe. You saw a picture of her. You'd watch, right? Sure. Maybe it doesn't even matter what she looks like. No, it doesn't. The direct quote from the flight attendant was, The lady in seat 9D, and don't get cute with that, the lady in seat 9D removed her blue jeans and began to actively masturbate

while making inappropriate sounds. You can get a blanket on a plane, right? If you just ask a flight attendant, like, can I, I'm a little chilly? You could hide that a little better. You disagree with me, Josh. You disagree with me because you're as silent as a church mouse when you have sex. Which is the way it should be? I don't think there's no such thing.

inappropriate sounds. I want all the sounds. But that was the direct quote from the flight attendant. I like to hear the sounds, but just not for me. That's the difference. Not from you. She removed her blue jeans began to actively masturbate while making inappropriate sounds. That lady who was masturbating, she was taking selfies at the bean. she turned out to be a 46-year-old gal who goes by the name of Katie. The flight attendant told Katie to cut it out with the public jill off

and pull her slacks back up for the love of Christ. Katie complied without further incident, and then her lights went out. She went to sleep for the rest of the flight ski. I didn't know that. I mean, I know for guys, that's a common thing. Usually, like, wakes women up more. That's what I've heard. Women get more woken up.

Oh, yeah, she was absolutely out of control hammered. Yeah. Yeah. That's why. Yeah, yeah, that's why she fell asleep. But I've heard, you know, with women, it's just the opposite effect. It is the opposite, and it's friggin annoying. Yeah, it doesn't seem right that it's so different.

Right. That can cause some friction between folks after the friction between folks. Yeah, that's so true. When the airplane landed, the police were waiting on kids. Katie. They passed her some hand sanitizer and then they asked her what the hell was wrong with her. Spray her with some bleach. Stay there. During the police interview, Katie said that prior to taken off out of Miami, the plane was delayed for a couple hours and she said that she used that time to get real, real drunk. And the cops did say that Katie smelled like she had been rolling around on the floor of a frat house.

when they were jaw jacking with her. She just reeked like booze. PLC Fingerbanger, Jesus, said there haven't been blankets on flights since COVID. I was not know that. He said he did not know that. Excuse me. I'm a frequent flyer, he said, and it sucks.

Okay. Now, whether she's making this up or not, I certainly don't know. But Katie said she didn't remember a damn thing about pulling down her sweats and playing a little game of five on one right there on the airplane. Ah, that's, that's crappy.

Can you, I mean, if that's true, how terrible would that realization be when they explained you what happened? What if she doesn't really drink like this? Like, it really was just her having some extra time and it got away from her. She got a little too crazy. Well, that is what happened. But I feel even worse than her. No, but like, I mean, I imagine she drinks often.

Like, I can't see this being a one-off, but what if, what if it was? What if this was her one time she decides to get drunk? Yeah, like and like really let loose and go nuts. Okay, I got better. I've got more information for you. Not this far. Pardon me? I've worried about that before too.

Worried about what? Well, like when we, at the Creed show, I thought, well, it might be fun to have a couple of adult beverages. But we were told so many times don't get drunk before you get up on stage. I was worried because it's been so long since I drank. And two drinks will get you drunk. That's what I'm like, I'll be the guy. Yeah, I'll be the guy that they get pissed off about, so I just chose not to. You trip up there.

Yeah, that was my fear. If you're feeling bad about Katie, like Ashley just said, what if this was the first time she really took to drinking, and she ended up putting on a public masturbation show on an airplane? I got more information on what Katie's got to deal with here. So law enforcement is still trying to decide whether or not they're going to dump criminal charges on her. The boys are asking anyone on that airplane that might have recorded Katie.

They need to send that footage to the police station immediately. I bet there's a couple. Now, this is unfortunate. This is where I'm going with. Say a prayer for these people. It says here, Katie is a divorced mother of several adult children. Oh, no. Oh, for cripes' sake, here we go.

Oh, no. She is the divorce mother of several adult children. That's crazy. Who have the Internet and their friends have the Internet. And she's only 46. She likes Cubby? Yes. To bump.

She does. She gets aroused quite easily. Oh, that's so bad. All different elevations. You paint a little picture for you, Josh. You open up the Internet one day. All right. And there's a story on there about a woman masturbating openly on an airplane while wildly intoxicated, right?

Click. And that woman is yo, mamel. So there you go. How's your relationship with your chat GPT machine going? Do you communicate often with your chat GPT thingy? So my phone has it. This was part of an operating system update. And every once in a while I'll ask my phone lady a question like,

when did this happen in history? And she'll say, you want to ask chat GPT? And I'll say, sure. So that's as far as the relationship goes. I don't really, I haven't developed a relationship outside of that. What about the rest of you? Do you have a good relationship with your chat GPT robot pal? We haven't messed around with it too much.

I want to learn about it. Seems like it's all the rage. I like making funny... And there's some rage as well. I like making funny animated photos of my friends regarding inside jokes, but that's about as far as I've gone. All right. Here's a little story about a derelict scumbag virgin teenager

and the special relationship that he has with his little chat, GPT, robot pal. Apparently they talk a lot. So this 19-year-old pukebag college kid by the name of Ryan he went ahead and damaged 17 vehicles. Some kind of little meltdown came over Ryan, and he damaged 17 different motor vehicles. Because you know how those privileged college kids

have so much to be angry about, right? I don't have any details on exactly what this kid was doing, but he beat the piss out of nearly 20 motor vehicles. Eventually, stupid-ass Ryan was arrested, and by looking through his cellular telephone, the police saw that after he busted the piss out of all those cars, Ryan went ahead and asked ChatGPT if he could go to jail for what he had done.

On a side note, obviously that kind of thing can be used as evidence against Virgin Ryan, but also the cops simply found it funny and wanted everyone to know about this so we could point and laugh at Ryan the next time we see him. That is pretty funny. Here's the give and take that the cops found between Ryan, the violent college virgin, and his special chat GPT robot pal. When Ryan asked if beating the hell out of 20 cars was a, quote, serious thing.

Is that a serious thing? Oh, I can't wait for this. His robot pal warned him not to brag about it, not to post anything online about it. And it told him to, quote, stay low key and not to talk to the cops without a lawyer. That's crazy. Chat GPT will do that? And then narc on you after that? He said, do you need to chill out?

I can't remember where I was watching. It was some comedy, maybe South Park. It was something where they were kind of making fun of chat GPT. And they're talking about how chat GPT is like people get relationships. Could it be like, hey, buddy, been a little while. How you been? Or something, you know, before they, you put in your whatever, going to put in there, whatever you're going to ask chat GPT to do.

Is that your experience, Dana, where it's like, wow, that was really a great idea. I bet your friends will think this is funny. No, they don't really get personal like that. No, it's more just very transactional. Any time I've used it, it's always gotten personal like that. It says weird things like that. Like, Ashley, how's the weather? Like one time I asked a question about my son relating to the baby.

And at like the end of the message, it said, like, just letting you know, like you're doing great or something like that. Oh, that's kind of creepy. Honestly, at the time, I was not in a great headspace. So I was like, oh, well, that was a nice, random robot. Like it actually was like, you, you have a relationship then with chat. Well, thank you. That was nice of you.

I noticed that my on the phone talking lady, she has breaths now in between when talking. I've never noticed that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My digital assistant. I don't want to say it because it triggers people's phones, but her, you know, He's with an ass. Siri?

My phone just, did your phones just, are your phone to go, Ashley? No, I didn't. You got mine working. Are you talking about when folks say, hey, Siri or hey Alexa? You got to go on again. Why don't you like to say that out loud? Because it messes with people. Oh, messing with people is what we're here for.

Well, not like in that regard. Hey, Siri. Now you've got to tell her to do something crazy. Hey, Siri. Quit my job. Hey Alexa, that's another one, right? Yeah. Just their name.

Alexa, give me proper directions to the nearest whorehouse. Yeah, there you go. All right, so this guy, he asked Chet GPT if vandalizing 17 cars was going to get him in trouble. And the robot said, just lay low, son. The cops also saw that about an hour after Ryan had his first little heart. to heart with Chat GPD. They started back up again. You'll love this.

Ryan said, Hey, Chat GPT. I'm back at my apartment now, and I'm eating mozzarella sticks. You know what ChatGPT said in response? A-da-boy. Word. Yeah. Chat-G-T

knows mozzarella sticks are the bomb. Chat-GPT also told him right now being back in your apartment and chilling is the safest place you could be you can enjoy your mozzarella sticks and just keep things calm the less noise you make the better your odds of staying out of trouble so his robot pal um sounds like a pretty good wingman that's going to dump a little common sense on him and it's not going to help the outcome um Ryan's going to jail. But I hope that no matter what happens, Josh,

I hope that he and his robot pal can still be best friends forever. Yeah, I hope they can reconnect after he gets out. Their relationship's going to be a little fractured for a bit, but there's probably some forgiveness. He could ask chat GPT, how do I forgive chat GPT for narking on me? Hey, Siri. A few people are sending some middle finger emojis. They're not appreciating this bit.

Other people are making suggestions on what you could follow. that up with. Oh, wow. The spokesman Jesus said when I asked the question about the nearest whorehouse, spokesman Jesus chat GPT has redirected his drive to YZTA. Do we have time for

one more? Sure, why not? All right. Hold on. Chat GPT. Do we have time for one more? What they said? Said check back in 10 minutes. So tell me what you'd make of

Tell me what you'd think of if this kind of thing happened to you. Here we are. What do we have now? A married couple who has begun the miserable process of renovating some pile of garbage house that they foolishly purchased. I know a guy who can relate to that. Sounds pretty cool. The wife character here goes by the name of Kay Lee. She told folks this here.

story on TikTok or something. So again, they're trying to fix up the house that they just bought. Kaylee says that her husband, he upped and peeled a light fixture off the wall in the crapper in the bathroom. And that's where they found what they're calling a sinister handwritten message on the wall that said, quote, I killed my sister here in 19 and 81. God forgive me. Where do you go with that?

Truthfully. I go absolutely nowhere with it because I've, the last two houses I moved out of, we did the same thing. Like wrote stuff on the inside of like ceiling, like drop down ceiling tiles. I never knew this was a thing until I read this story that people will write supposedly scary messages on the wall for the next family to find to try to freak them out. I never knew that was a gimmick. So what did you write on the wall? I wrote on the inside of one of them, he did it. he did it.

Yeah, and then just threw that up there. That was fun. Some people in the trades are saying we do that all the time. I know when we had some work done at our house, we've had a little bit of work done at our house. Some of the guys did that. They drew like penises and stuff like that. You know what you ought to do?

Stuff is fun. You got people over at the house all the time fixing this and fixing that. You got to throw them out. Just one night, Josh. Throw them out of there, sit down and try a television show that I enjoy called Landman. Oh my gosh. Are you watching Landman? Absolutely.

It's coming back, man. I know everything there is to know. Landman coming back, man. So you say your repair guys will draw penises on your wall? Yeah, they've done, they'll write something funny or draw something kind of funny on there for the next person to find. All right, so this message again that Kaylee and her husband found on the wall said, I killed my sister here in 19 and 81. God forgive me. That sounds like that message freaked Kaylee out enough to where she contacted the local police.

She must not be aware that that is a bit like I was unaware until today. she contacted the cops just in case there was a chance that her house was once the setting for some old unsolved Amityville, Amityville, however, you know, a murder. TikTok dorts, uh, TikTok people out there who sit there all day reading stories like this and then giving their brilliant opinions. Uh, they had this to say. One dude said, I wrote weird sh up in the attic before my childhood home got sold. So he's in on the bit. He said, I just wanted to leave something.

fun for the new people. So, yeah, at the ass end of this story, they bring up the idea that writing things like I killed my sister here is just a funny prank. But what if it's not? What if it's real?

They're real. Yeah, I personally that would creep me out a little bit, understanding that people joke around. But we when we were looking for houses, one of them in the basement had all this, like, evil satanic imagery. written all over the basement. This was where now?

This was a home, this was in St. Paul, but this was a house we were looking at when we were trying to find a new place. My God, you almost moved to St. Paul. Yeah, our options stayed open. It was just like within a radius of work was kind of the idea. Satanic messages? Satanic messages, drawings, things like that. Devilish imagery.

Yes. The house that I lived in Wisconsin when we went through that, there was like, downstairs they had like, it was like cobblestone walls almost, like in the They're just rocks everywhere, and they put like little, they like took apart baby dolls and put like little baby doll parts, like wedged them in between all these rocks. The babies are buried here. Yeah, that was really disturbing. And for some reason, the only time available to view the house was at night. And you, like, looked out in the front yard and you just saw like this creepy white face.

And we couldn't figure out what it was. I've got a creepy white face. We were too afraid to go up to it. later we found out it was like a painted a painted uh virgin mary statue but it was painted as a member of kiss oh i was like all right that's kind of cool paul jane ace peter do you remember which i can't remember what one it's fun to play pranks on people especially folks who are vulnerable to that kind of scary story right people who buy into ghosts and demons and and things like that i played a

funny prank on a girlfriend years ago uh at the house i was living in, which, by the way, was the house that I grew up in. Of course, there's only one bathroom. And this gal that I was seeing at the time was very gullible to scary stories and things like that. So she asked me once, she said, was there ever a bathroom in the basement? And I said, yes, there was. But it had to be closed off because of the incident. And she said, well, what do you mean? I said, well, the first guy that lived here, the guy that built this house back in 1921 or whatever, he put a bathroom in the basement. But he slipped in the shower one day and cracked his head open and died. So the next people who bought the house thought that that was, you know, bad juju or bad vibe.

So they closed off the bathroom. So I said, yes, there used to be a shower and a toilet down there, but it got closed off because the guy. died in there and the gal said oh my god and i said as a matter of fact i mean just warning you every once in a while you can hear the water running coming from downstairs but there's there's no shower there and i told her that knowing full well that every night at two o'clock in the morning my water softener would run right that's what i said so that was how i set the whole thing up and so the gal's like oh my god i said yeah every once in the one's like i said yeah every once in a while. I said, don't be scared of it, but you can hear the water.

And people said it's the ghost of the guy who died in the show. So, of course, you know, some time goes by, but one night we got home from the bar about 145 and got into bed. And I knew full well that that water softener was going to go off at two. And when it did, that ex-girlfriend of mine about went through the frigging roof. She believed everything. I hear it. I hear it.

She just freaked out. I said, that's the guy. That's the guy who died. He still showers down there. I was freaked out. From the afterlife. He's showering in hell. People are texting.

I've seen this before, too, where people are texting in saying a contractor might throw in a fake skeleton, like in a dead space somewhere for somebody to find. That sounds like fun. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show. Everyone thinks it's championship robust. There's sometimes when you have that team, and that would be the case, and you should feel that way. I have not felt like we've had that team. And so what we're doing is maybe exceeding expectations in the regular season.

And then when it comes playoffs, maybe we don't quite have the right group. I hear you, Lynx head coach Cheryl Reevesky. What the hell happened out there? That was ugly. Yeah. They got swept. It's over. The link season is over.

That's the head coach there. Saying she never felt all year long that this was the right mix of players. in order to make a run all the way to the title. So, can you imagine if you were on players? It looks like she was right. Yeah. It looks like she was smooth, dead on with that. That'd be a gut punch a little bit if you're watching that. I want to know what the coach has to say after the game going, oh, no.

Never liked me. Reeves gal is not scared. Oh, not at all. Yeah, she'll say what she thinks. And I know a lot of people like that about her. Yeah, there you go. Some people don't. They lost, you know, it's only best out of three.

And they lost the first two games. And now they can go golfing or whatever. Bit of a surprise. What time of year is it now, I suppose. You could still golf? Yeah, do some fall golfing. Fall colors. Yeah, go south.

You could get out to Top Golf or something. Coming up in a half hour, we'll talk all about the baseball playoff, bad news about Brock Faber. Jesus, balls. My goodness. No kidding. Have you done Top Golf, Josh? Yes.

I can't imagine you, like, swinging a club. I've never seen you do something like a athletic. We should see it when a bees around me. Nick's seeing it. I'll grab a club in some. swing like mad. What was the question? I asked him if he's ever done the top golf. Top golf? What is that now?

It's like a driving range, but you can kind of play video games. Oh, you kind of elevated and they had a bar behind you? They got all kinds of food. You have swung the clubs. Yeah, family likes to do that. I imagine that would make you super self-conscious having to like swing a club and the next chance somebody could be watching. No, you're right, but believe it or not, I've taken lessons from a golf pro. One of my former roommates was a golf pro. So I've got a little better since the couple times.

So you're not just completely uncomfortable with that situation? Oh, I'm totally uncomfortable. Oh, absolutely. Hey, before we take a break is we desperately need one here, we're running late. And speaking of golf, this is perfect the way this has played itself out. A really profound statement was sent in from one of our listeners. By God, now I forgot who it was. And they went this direction.

He said over the weekend, ESPN the Ocho showed the 19 and 93 put-put-golf championship. Over the weekend on ESPN, the Ocho, they showed the 19-and-93 put-put-golf championship. And this listener says, I remember when the game was about the game and not the sponsors. Yeah, that is profound. Yeah. Yeah, those were the days. back when the putt putt. We'll take a break.

Josh's news is coming up. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up.

Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93X to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries.

Even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bianchi Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-C-L-C-E-L-C-L-C-B. You want Dave on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions

against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode W-W-C-FB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18-plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility.

The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated. Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as non-withdrawable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. Hey, you go to the ground.

You're down to the ground. You're going to the ground. A woman is currently enjoying Florida's hospitality behind bars after swiping a marked Broward County Sheriff's Office cruiser right from BSO headquarters near Fort Lauderdale. So long, sucker, she says. That's right. And then she put the pedal down for nearly 100. hundred miles. It was a pretty long chase. Deputies realized one whole police car was missing about 9 p.m. that night. With a little help from the Florida Highway Patrol, detectives managed to

trace the rogue squad all the way to Port St. Lucie, where it was finally spotted cruising the northbound lanes of an interstate. Investigators identified 42-year-old Shannon Dillon as the woman behind the wheel. But exactly how she pulled off that theft and how she managed to drive that far without getting caught sooner is still a mystery. Police are investigating. Hmm. Did they give her one of those slow OJ chases or what? I wonder if maybe it just got called off in certain jurisdictions

and then they just passed the baton to other ones. You know, maybe they have the rules like I know certain cities do here. But they're trying to figure out like, well, wait a minute, who left the keys in that thing? That's not supposed to happen. I bet that's by far the coolest motor vehicle she's ever driven. I would think so. I think they'd be awesome to drive one of those. You know, didn't say if she went lights and sirens.

Oh, you got it. I would think you'd have to. Not going to stop, but a stop light. You're going to throw on that opticon or whatever it's called. What the hell is an opticon? It's those, you know, like the party light that goes off to get the light to change. Party light? Yeah, you know, strobe light.

Hmm. I thought it was a transformer. What was the transformer? Opticon? Yeah. You're thinking an Optimus Prime? That's it. Wait a minute now.

The little light that's on the street lights neck that blinks when an ambulance or a cop is coming. Yeah. Yeah, so on the vehicle, I thought it was called an opticon. It's just like a flashing strobo. Hell, with this crowd, Josh, we're going to go along with it. All right, good. This crowd's going to go along with it. If I'm wrong, nobody knows.

So you set off the, you know, just my lack of overall skills, I could probably drive a cop car for 100 miles and never have the brains to find the lights and sirens. You know what I mean? There's probably so many switches and whatnot in that pig that I would go the whole trip, dying to hit the cherries, and I could never find them. Yeah, you just have to keep hitting them until something happened. Flipping every switch. A North Dakota mom found a creative approach to educate the neighborhood kids about the evils of bullying

by showing them how a professional does it. 34-year-old Ashley Jerome was furious over a prank, a group of boys pulled on her son. So, dangerously, and perhaps ironically, she expressed her distaste for bullies by bullying them even worse. Gunning her vehicle toward the boys as they played in the street and nearly striking the little bastards at about 60 miles per hour. Oh, that would have killed them dead. It would have. Here's how it started.

A witness said some neighborhood kids took a boy's bike on Saturday, hit it, and then returned it because they said they were just pulling a prank. Jerome, mother of the alleged target, clearly wasn't laughing. A witness said she looked very upset, and she proved that by taking bullying education out of the classroom and straight onto the asphalt. giving local kids a live demonstration of what actual terror looks like, as she barreled toward them at about 60 miles an hour while screaming like a lunatic.

Another witness recounted the harrowing sight of Jerome's vehicle speeding down the road directly toward the kids with its high beams flashing, then swerving and slamming on the brakes a mere four feet from the group. Desperate to protect the children, the same witness leapt in front of them. Jerome swerved around him, but when he grabbed her passenger window to find out what on earth was going on, She said, I don't want to talk and took off. What do you mean you don't want to talk? Yeah, she didn't want to talk.

She wasn't done yet. She then prowled the neighborhood like a shark, circling for about 15 to 20 minutes. Authority cited yet another witness who genuinely believed the vehicle was going to strike him too. When investigators finally caught up with Jerome, she told him she was at work when her son came to her and said another kid took her bike and threatened to hurt him. She said she drove around looking for the kids, though she disputed going to going anywhere near 60 miles per hour. She noted Jerome,

a deputy that is, noted Jerome, showed remorse and admitted she was upset because she assumed her son was being bullied. Her unorthodox lesson in empathy didn't clear her name, however. She'll be back in court in November. Got to go to court. Yep.

I'm going little nuts. You know, you mentioned that the bullies took her son's bike and hid it from him for a while. You know, one of the worst bullying stories I ever heard was the bully in the neighborhood, took this kid's bicycle, took it home, grabbed a hacksaw, cut it up into pieces and returned it. That's insane.

Wasn't you? No. Comment. Cut it up into pieces and then brought it back like in a bin. Yeah, that's pretty mean. Here you go. That sucks. Here's your bicycle.

A suspected drunken driver crashed into historic central Minnesota. cemetery, leaving hundreds dead, or at least exactly as dead as they were before. Technically, they were already dead. Just before 3 a.m. Saturday, emergency dispatchers received a report of a crash at Sox Center's Greenwood Cemetery. The final resting place, by the way, of Nobel Prize-winning novelist Sinclair Lewis. More on him later. The 911 caller reported the driver was no longer in the truck involved.

Then around the same time, dispatchers got another call, but the line went dead. When they called back, a man picked up and said, Don't worry, no problem here. Officers headed to the scene, and you know what? There was a problem there. They said the man failed to stop at a T intersection, blasted through the cemetery stone wall, and toppled multiple gravestones before finally coming to a stop.

Then he ditched the pickup and left. Meanwhile, another officer tracked down the suspected driver, a 19-year-old Long Prairie man. His cell phone turned out to be the one that made that hanged up call, and the pickup left sitting at the cemetery. That was his too. The alleged drunk was arrested on suspicion of DWI and taken to a nearby hospital to have his injuries checked, then booked into the Stearns County Jail. Thankfully, no one was seriously hurt. The damage to Greenwood Cemetery was estimated at about $50,000, though. 50,000. He's lucky that the only people he

sent to the cemetery were already there and that he didn't end up a permanent resident himself. Now, as for the cemetery's most famous dead guy. Who's that? American novelist, short story writer, and playwright Sinclair Lewis, known for early 20th century classics like Babbitt, Elmer Gantry, Main Street, and Boo a Medea Halloween. He was born in Sox Center in 1885. Do you follow his work?

Boo a Medea Halloween? I haven't seen it yet. No. It's a Halloween classic. He died in Rome in 1951, but wanted to be buried in his hometown, where they celebrate Sinclair Lewis days each July. Well, lick me down. I couldn't have told you that if he gave me all day. I wouldn't have known if they didn't say he was buried there in the story.

But I had to look him up a little bit there. I'm going to leave you with a sobering statistic on drunk driving in Minnesota. Data shows one in seven Minnesotans has a D-dub on their record. 40% of those people will re-offend. That's right. Yeah, they usually go back to it. They liked it so much the first time they go back and do it again. Again.

One in seven. I actually would have thought it was... Oh, is it? Yeah. It's kind of lower than I thought. It seems like nearly everybody I know has one. Yeah, nearly everybody that I drink with has one. Some of them two, some of them three.

The second season of Scrubs, the reboot series, premieres tonight on ABC and Hulu. Woohoo. Today is International Podcast Day. So something we should be doing more often. We want to thank everybody who listens to this show as a podcast. Some of you in other countries even, making it perfect for International Podcast Day, whether deployed overseas or accidentally hitting play and don't know how to turn it off.

So we sure appreciate it either way. Karen Culkin, McCulley's younger brother and Roman Roy on HBO's Succession, turns 44 today. Gary on Veep and Buster on Arrested Development, Tony Hale, 56. And Barry Williams, Greg on the Brady Bunch, 72. Yeah, he's a cool character. Yeah, still handsome. Still handsome at 72. Couldn't act his way out of a wet sack.

Nah, he didn't even need to. But he was a good guy. I lay anything fuzzy Jesus and his smoking hot wife text the Luther Kia of Bloomington text line, 651, 551, 93, a happy birthday to Alyssa. Happy birthday to I crapped my pants in a gift shop, Jesus from your brother, excessive diarrhea, Jesus. These two sound like someone we want to hang out with. No kidding, man. That's a Friday night.

Both fecal-related Jesus' name. Yeah, maybe the whole family is in that boat. It could be. Excessive diarrhea, Jesus says. He hopes you can keep your bowels in check for another year. Let's see. Happy anniversary to Shannon. I don't have a name on who this is from,

but your husband says that he's hoping to get some tonight. L-O-L, he said. Happy birthday to Sits-on-Cakes-S-S-S-Sysus. and a happy sexy birthday to Lorax Jesus from Fold It in Half Still an Inch Jesus And that's 93X News Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder On the half-ass morning show

He just had a serious surgery And we'll update you guys when the time's right He's doing well, he's doing really well Which is good news We'll follow the doctor's leads You know, like I said yesterday when we first discussed Pigs' defenseman Brock Faber's head injury,

like I said yesterday, when a guy takes a stiff shot to the cranium, you never know. But by damn, I did not expect that Brock Faber would come away from that puck to the dome with a freaking fractured skull. Yeah. Hello, Randy Shaver and Bradrider.

Good morning. Hey, good morning. That's effing frightening. Very scary. A friend of mine, she was at the game, and she said she saw everything happen, and it didn't really look as bad as it turned out to be. He seemed like he was okay. He got to his feet relatively quickly.

Played a couple of shifts even, right? Kept playing for a while until I imagine he got a little dizzy or had a bitch of a headache or something, and that's when he went back to the locker room. But, I mean, does anyone here know someone that has suffered from a fractured skull? No. No. Is Faber going to be able to come back and play hockey? this season?

I don't know. Good question. I don't know. Seems like a rather serious injury that you would want to treat a little bit carefully. Jesus, balls. I mean, in some cases, that's got to be something that smooth ends a pimp's career. So. Yeah, I don't want to speculate.

I don't know. Yeah, I don't think it's, I mean, the talk that I heard yesterday didn't feel like that, that it was something that was career ending. although they focus more on him as the person and not as the player. So that may be coming down the road as to how long he'll be out. Well, someone did ask Garen. Someone asked Garen, could he miss the entire season? And Bill Garen said, I don't know.

Yeah. That's possible. Yeah, I was going to say, if he didn't answer that with an emphatic, no, I guess you never know. Here's a listener who's texted in to say he's not a soccer player. He'll be back. And trust me, especially here in Minnesota, we know all that hard-on talk about how hockey players, you know, they're tougher than any athlete in the world and they always come back. You know, guy has his face torn off and he puts on a half shield and he's back two days later or back during the same game. And that all, some of that stuff is very true.

Well, we're talking about a fractured skull here. Right. A little bit different. It's interesting that in the NHL preseason and, you know, maybe some other, in the NFL preseason, I'll start there. None of the starters ever play. They never play it down. But in the NHL preseason, it seems like all the starters, all the regulars, you know, skate a lot and play a lot. I wonder, you know, at some point that may change.

Here's a listener. Because of something like this. Sure. Here's a listener who says three to six months for the. that type of injury. They mentioned surgery. Has there been conversation? Yes. He had surgery. Yeah, he had it. Oh, he already had.

Yeah, he had surgeries on Sunday, yeah. They got to pull all the skin off of his skull and glue that fracture. Let's see here. Here's a listener who says the last time, the last time an NHL player experienced a fractured skull was goaltender Mike Richter, and he was out for five months. That is such a friggin' shame. And like everyone has been saying,

it just didn't look that bad, but it doesn't have to be dramatic. That's effing. It's too bad. I'd be nervous as all hell to get back on the ice if I've already fractured my skullbone. Oh, man. Who took the shot?

It was a kid named Steele that plays for the Dallas Club. Okay. Why does that matter to you? No, I was just wondering, I saw the play, but I wasn't sure if it was one of their normal guys, one of the guy, you know, one of Dallas's top players, was it one. He just seemed like he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Oh, yeah. Caught him in a different way. Oh, yeah.

99 times out of 100 when you take a puck to the skull, you're just. Yeah, wrong place, wrong time. I mean, that puck deflect. It was a deflection from what I saw in the replay. So, yeah. It wasn't like anybody was aiming for his. No. Noggin.

Well, yeah, that is really troubling. And I'm not saying that on the basis of, you know, go wild. You know what I mean? Right. As a human level. It has nothing to do with the team's success. It's just strictly, I'm worried about the guy's career now, because depending on, we don't know any of the details.

I'm sure there are some skull fractures that are much more concerning than others. But people are texting in that know a thing or two about skull fractures, you know, and they say most likely you won't see them this season. Well, we wish them the best. Yeah, we wish them the best. That must be terrible. Jesus, imagine trying to sleep at night. Oh, yeah.

rolling over on your pillow. You'd have to be on some heavy medication. Yeah, I wonder. I wonder how doped up they put you. Maybe he'll save a few of those pills for the half-ass morning show because we like to get pretty wasted around here. That'd be kind of cool. Yeah.

Well, at least you did anyway. We did. We used to get pretty well. Okay, people are telling me it wasn't steel. It was Hiskinin that took the shot. I don't. I don't know. All right.

Well, troubling news from the get-go. Troubling news. Sad news. Yeah, absolutely. By the way, the other day, Josh, I watched an old Steve Martin movie. The Man with Two Brains. Anyone have any memory of The Man with Two Brains? I'm familiar with the movie, but I haven't watched it.

It's like 1983. Any good? Yeah, because it's Steve Martin. I love Steve Martin. It's also kind of stupid, but, you know, Steve Martin. What's it about? He is a brain surgeon. He's kind of a brilliant idiot.

He's a brain surgeon, and it gets really complex and weird. But, yeah, he's really, really arrogant, but also a moron. And, of course, this skull fracture got me thinking about it. There's a scene from the movie that you got to, it's very Steve Martin, where someone approaches him and says, are you the famous brain surgeon? Dr. Farher. That's what his name is in the movie, by the way. Dr. Farher.

Are you the famous brain surgeon? And Steve Martin says something like, well, how do you know? Or how do you know me or something? And the guy says, well, I just read this article that you wrote about yourself from the newspaper. And Steve Martin grabs the article and he reads it out loud. This, again, this is an article that he wrote about himself. And it says something along the lines of my advancements in brain surgery are probably going to go down in history as the greatest medical. Marvel, Discovery.

Marvel, Discovery, in the history of mankind, right? And Steve Martin looks it and goes, you've got to take the probably out of there. I remember seeing the cover, the VHS cover at Mr. Movies or whatever, like it's in the top of his head cut. Yeah. Let me tell you something else about that movie. 1983 Kathleen Turner?

Yeah. Wow, whoa, we will. Hubba, hubba. My brain surgery advanced. are probably the greatest thing to happen in the history of man. I've got to take that probably out of this. That's funny. Steve Martin and Martin Short are coming to town. I'm going in November to that show.

You lucky prick. The rescheduled show? Yeah. Awesome. I've heard rumors that trying to get your hands on a ticket to the Martin and Martin show is like Taylor Swift style. You just got to get lucky. I tried. Yeah, couldn't get them.

I got them originally, so I was part of the reschedule. Here's a listener who's texted in, and they have a question for us. Imagine if Caleb Williams had a fractured skull. Shoot, I thought he did. The listener, yeah. The listener says, we just have the funeral right on the field, wouldn't we? Boy, is he getting torn to pieces over that hamstring injury? He sure is.

We may have some Caleb Williams conversation later on on the program. Okay. So the number one overall seed in the WNBA player, off, the Minnesota links are all done. Wow. I was just going to say they got dismantled last night. Yeah, well, they got dismantled the other day, too. After two games, their season is over.

They were thumped in both games by the New York Liberties. So the liberties are the very first ever eight seed to beat a one seed in WNBA history. Well, that sucks. everyone. It's a little misleading in a way because the difference between the eight seed and the one seed in the WNBA this year was, I think, six or seven games. Oh, yeah. So, I mean, yeah, I mean, there was only one different, four games difference between the Lynx record and them being the fifth seed. So, you know, yeah, they were the number one seed, but it's pretty balanced.

Josh has the audio. Josh has the audio of Coach Cheryl Reeves after the ballgame. Everyone thinks it's championship robust. There's sometimes when you have that team. And that would be the case that you should feel that way. I have not felt like we've had that team. And so what we're doing is maybe exceeding expectations in the regular season. And then when it comes playoffs, maybe we don't quite have the right group.

So that's concerning. I just have so many issues with that comment anyway. Yeah, I think that's a slam on your roster. Yeah. And what you're basically saying to everybody is, I'm a great coach. and I overcoached them, and they're not good enough for the playoffs, but I made sure that they won enough games. Yeah, I just don't like that comment at all.

Sorry. First of all, if you watch the game. Again, with the sorry, maybe we covered that yesterday. Well, I know, but you watch the game last night, and you watched the game one. It's just not a good matchup at all for the links. I mean, there's probably teams that match up better against the New York Liberty. I don't know.

I don't know who would. They're so long. and tall and very athletic. And the links just could not get anything going inside. Brianna Stewart's such a star. And that John Quill Jones last night dominated the basketball game. So, I mean, the links couldn't do anything inside the paint last night. And Olivia Miles only played 17 minutes.

I mean, it just was not a good matchup for them. They could not get anything going. Yeah, I think we all found Cheryl Reeves postgame comments interesting. She basically told the media, hey, if you were looking at this club as a club that was built for a championship, she said, I never saw that from our roster. I never thought it was that type of a team. Yeah, she's throwing the gals under the bus.

I mean, I think we all know that Cheryl Reeve isn't afraid to speak her mind. And also, I think from what I've seen from her, I think sometimes she just gets kind of mad and vents. Yeah. She's also never afraid to throw her players under the bus. Well, that's okay by me. She's the coach. Well, okay, but.

I'm just saying that's my personal opinion, Brad Reader. She is the coach. She is the boss. Yeah, but sometimes once in a while, once in a while, it can be your fault, once in a while. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. But it never seems to be. I hear what you're saying She did say though

Brad after the game Her quote was something to the effect of I've got to do a better job As a vice president or GM Or whatever she is And a coach and all that kind of stuff So she did But then she rolled into throwing

The entire roster into the Boston Well but I mean Honestly I mean the players are the ones that play And so You know I don't have a real super big problem with that. But they just got

outplayed last night and again not a matchup that they really had any advantages at in that game. Then your job as a coach is to try to make sure you find those matchups and if you are the type of coach

the Hall of Fame type of coach that she is then maybe you could maybe try to figure that out and she didn't. True. And when Olivia I don't think Brad like Cheryl Reeve very much. Kind of picking up on that, too. Gee, what made you think that anyway? When your best player, Olivia Miles, only plays 17 minutes and only scores, I don't know, what you had, five points.

When that happens, you're not going to win. I don't care who you're playing. You're probably not going to win that game. So now what do you do now? You fire everybody, right? No, she's not going to get fired. she's bulletproof. Well, no, she will fire everybody.

Oh, she will? Well, I don't know about that. Nefisha Collier, sorry, is a free agent. So that'll be interesting. No, not the players. Not the players, Brad. The players never get moved. It's always, you replace every.

She's going to fire Lindsay? No, she's going to fire Rebecca? No. I'm just saying that normally when a team with high expectations doesn't meet those expectations, everybody gets fired but the players. Somebody gets blamed. You're right. That's what tends to happen.

But I don't think in this case she's going to let any of those. No. Look at it this way. Look at it this way. Where's this text message? God dang it. Here it is. HVAC delivery, Jesus says, look at it this way.

This is more history for Minnesota sports. Not good history. It's not good, but it's history. Yeah, remember the good old days where we could just say, well, hey, at least we got the links. Right. Now they've just ended up in the same bucket with everybody else. Exactly. What a damn shame.

Well, there you go. At least we got the Frost. We could throw that out there. Way to jinx them. Their coach is a problem, too. The Frost. All right. So there was another WNBA game going last night,

featuring the Las Vegas Aces and the Indiana something or another. Fever. I'm sorry? The fever. The fever. Yeah, I got it. Okay.

Sounds like you got one. I do have one. Sounds like you got. Yeah. I do have one. Jesus, Randy. In this ball game last night, a star player for the Las Vegas Aces by the name of Aja Wilson. I hear her name a lot.

Mm-hmm. MVP. Was she the MVP? She's the one who's won like three, four? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She's phenomenal. Yeah, then we just talked about her a day or two ago.

She got a technical foul after confronting a fan. They were playing in Indiana. And I have to be totally honest with you, I don't understand what had her so mad. But she... Likely the fan said something. Well, no, Randy Schaver, according to everyone around this fan,

and according to even the Indiana Fever's security, he didn't say anything. He pointed at her. And it really set off this, Aja Wilson. And again, I totally understand heat of the moment, anger, you know, and all that, and just kind of flipping out. And that's what it looks like to me. Although after the game, this Aja Wilson flat out still seemed really bothered by this. When she was asked about it, she said, you don't point at me. She called the fans' actions unacceptable. She was

surprised he was allowed to return to his seat. But again, the Indiana Fever's arena staff, so there was no violation of the fan code of conduct. It just sounds like this guy pointed at her. I think there was a foul or something. And this guy pointed at her and it really upset her. She says, I try to play my game. But if I see someone coming at me,

taking steps toward me and pointing at me, I don't give a damn. I don't give a damn. That's unacceptable. You don't step toward me. Now, I didn't see the man step towards her. You should never sit and point at me. That is unacceptable.

But all it is is pointing. Yeah, he did not get removed from the game. No, no, we mentioned that a couple times already. So she kind of went off. You don't know me at all. To point at me is unacceptable. She also said there's no way he does that to LeBron James. Well, I think LeBron has seen everything too.

But here's the thing. Here's the thing. I would disagree with that. No, of course, of course, someone might point or even worse at LeBron James or any male basketball player. Here's the way I take it. I think she just lost her cool. Yeah. She was still pissed after the game, and I think she was kind of trying to dig her way out of it. And here's the other thing.

I totally understand. If WNBA players are a little bit on edge and prone to a blow up, I totally get it. Because as we all know, for some reason, morons are attracted to going to WNBA games and acting like pricks. Throwing out dildos. So you know what I mean? I think maybe she just kind of blew up and everybody blows up. And yes, I know the whole pointing thing in Indiana. It's a Sophie Cunningham thing.

Yes, I'm aware of that. I'm aware of the source of the point. I thought that didn't need to be said. but from all accounts the guy just pointed at her. So I'm going to forgive Aja Wilson. She lost her cool. Hell, I do it daily. But it was kind of interesting that even after the game,

she still seemed terribly disrespected by it. It ain't polite to point, Josh. No. Been told that before. Brings up one of my fondest memories of watching WWE on television. Dana, I'm sure you were there for this. when Edge and Lita decided to put on their live sex show

in the middle of the ring That's right This was promode for weeks I can't believe they used to do that kind of stuff Oh yeah Edge and Lita We're going to crawl into bed In the middle of a ring

And they're going to have sex For everybody watching it And everybody get home And right The live sex show So I mean Lita got down to just her underwear

Edge got down to just a really disgusting tiny little pair of bikini briefs. I mean, aren't there still pictures on the internet of, you know, oh yeah. Leita's boobs did kind of jump out at one point out from under the sheets. Oh, yeah. I mean, they got into bed together. It was just the most ridiculous thing in the world, but also hilarious. And it's only natural, right, for a guy. And I think Edge and Lita were legitimately dating at the time. They were sexually active with each other, if I'm not mistaken. So they get into bed on live television.

They're pretending like they're having sex. And at one point, I don't know, the Undertaker walked in and choked them both to death or something. But Edge had to get back out of bed after this simulated sex. And he had a halfie. He sure did. He did. He had a halfie.

And Jerry Lawler, brilliant some bitch that he is, says, someone should tell Edge's underwear that it's not polite to point. Ah, that was wonderful. All right. Oh, God, no. One half of the bang bros. Lamello's ball.

The other half being, of course, Anthony Edwards. Damn, those guys are cool. Can't wait to see him play basketball together. Lamello ball baby mama has been busted for felony drug charges. His baby mama Anna Montana Sure it wasn't Hannah Montana No

Okay Just Anna That's a fictional character Bradd I understand That's why I said it She got busted in North Carolina She must be some kind of a model or something

Because her real name is Anna Leisha something But we're going to go with Anna Montana Does anyone know Is she a only fans lady Is she an adult actress Is she a singer? Anyone?

I thought she was like a more of a social media type person. Oh, an influence. Yeah, and one of those quote influencers. Even better. She's quite a bit older than he is, I think. Damn, those guys are cool. So she was arrested. How old is Lamello?

She's 36. He's 24. Oh, is she really that young? Yeah. Two. Cougar. Uh-huh. She's sitting down there in North Carolina,

and she's been arrested. She's accused of obtaining some Xanax or something without a prescription or fake to forge a doctor's signature or something. Well, that doesn't sound so frigging bad. But maybe I shouldn't say, I don't know. I don't know anything about drugs. I know I've tried Xanax before, and it effed me up. Oh, that didn't go well. Especially when I poured one and a half bottles of White Eagle vodka on top of it.

Yeah, when you hear the term felony drug charges, you don't think that. And if you hear what it is, it's not quite as bad, I guess. Anna Montana. So now she's got to go to court and this and that. I wonder what Lamello thinks of all that. The two of them share a baby boy that was just born here recently. The baby's name is, oh, no. La One.

Brace yourself. Brad's right. The baby's name is La One. You don't think they're going to keep that alive if they have more kids, do you? They're not going to keep counting. Yeah, they will. Keep what alive? You do La two, Lafrey, Lafour.

Do you really think they will? Yeah. Yeah, he's cool like that. Yeah, they will. La two. Maybe at one point or another, Josh, they'll have La three and Lafour on the same day, maybe twins. Yeah. She's 36, they better get going.

Yeah. That's weird. When my wife and I went through IVF, my wife was 35. at the time. It was called a geriatric pregnancy, which is a bit hurtful at 35 years old. Wow. Oh, man. Well, that's

a troubling story there for Lamello's as he's preparing for this year basketball season. A little bit of a distraction. Oh, people are telling me it's Asia, Montana. The article that I read said her name is Anna Montana. Some people are saying it's

Anna. Asia. No, I think they're referring to Aja. Who's Aja? When we were talking about... I always thought it was Asia as well. Her name is Asia. That's how I've heard it. Well, Jesus, I mean, you left a big enough window there

before you tried to straighten me out on the text message. If you came in earlier. Okay, Asia Wilson, Anna Montana, get off my ass. He's on Zanax! I got a mouthful of Xanax. Here are the results from yesterday's Big League Baseball Wild card game ones. Atlanta beat Phil Thedelphia

5-3. There was a dramatic late-game home run there that gave the Braves the victory. Our guy Murakami went two for three with an RBI for the Chicago White Sox last night and they beat Houston 6 to 3. 100 to 3. That was

how fast the pitch was that he hit for his RBI. It was a 100. They asked him, how fast was the pitch that you hit for an RBI? I'm a weird answer for that. That guy still rules. Play the whole thing again. We've got to hear the whole thing. You're going to give me a second.

Again, if you weren't here yesterday, this was Miracami, Miracami of the Chicago White Sox being interviewed after they clinched their spot in the playoff and he was all full of booze and champagne everywhere. Boone, your first clubhouse celebration, rated on a scale of 1 to 10. How's it going so far? 100. Oh! No, can't. 100. How many champagne bottles have you opened so far?

100! What does it mean just to be able to celebrate with this team? I'm Stephanie! I also like when you hear his translator scream in the background after the first one hundred, I think it was. Have you noticed that yet, Nick? I'm sorry, what? I said I also liked it when the translator screams.

Oh, I still haven't seen the video. You can hear it, so it's the screen. I thought that was a teammate. No, it's a translator. Okay. Translators happen the time I have. his life too. Yeah.

Full of champagne. Chicago beat Houston. Oh, here's a final final for you. Nine. Yes. Zero. Randy, your World Series prediction for the Red Sox is already on the ropes. I know, for sure.

Beat the nine to nothing. Ben Rice had it. monster game. And then San Diego beat the Chicago Cubs 8 to nothing. Yes. A couple of former twins having some impacts in these games. Duron

got blown up by the Braves late in that game. And Typh France has had a great year for the Padres at first base. Tizai Frizzance. Yeah. I think that's great. I thought maybe he was done.

No. He's had a I think he played almost every game this year. Well, yeah, but I thought for sure, that would be all we'd ever see from Ty. Good for him. Yeah. Major League Baseball's TV partners are going to be loving that Cleveland, Milwaukee World Series than I predict. I'm sorry, one more time, Brad Ryder? Cleveland, Milwaukee.

That's your prediction. They're going to be loving that matchup. Randy said Red Sox and somebody. Red Sox and Brewers. Is that what you said? I did, yeah. Not looking good for the Red Sox. All of the aforementioned clubs and all of these wildcard series will continue on today and tonight.

Today. Well, Sunny Gray is going today for Boston. I thought he was done. No, he had a son. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Sonny Gray leaving the twins was one that I. Very sad.

I wish never. He's going to, he might win the American League side. young. He's really, he had a great year. He's tough. He's a tough some bitch. In fact, there are two former twins pitching today, Tyler Maley for Atlanta. Oh my God. Seal it out in Sunny Gray. Oh, my God. How can we forget about him?

It just goes to show you that the playoffs aren't the same as they used to be. Tyler Maley is starting game two of a playoff series. 30 years ago, a guy of his caliber would not be anywhere near. the mound in the playoffs. Nowhere near it. Well, that's not true. Les Strayker was the third starter for the twins at 87s. Just about to mention him.

Yeah. I think it's certainly possible. Don't you some bitches even talk about Lester Stoker. Now, I'm not sure I've ever heard anything quite like this before. A kid by the name of Zach Gieloff, he's an outfielder who plays for the Sack Mental Athletics. he's suing the Detroit Tigers over a knee injury that he suffered at their ballpark. This year's season on July 9th, Gieloff was playing left field during a game against the Tigers in the bottom of the third inning. Not that that matters.

He chased down a fly ball right on the left field line. He was able to make a sliding catch, but he slid into a fence in the process. Ended up on the 10-day DL. it was classified as a deep right knee laceration. He didn't suit up again until August. He believes that injury could have been avoided. Had the tigers properly padded, had the tigers properly padded their fencing along the left field line.

He might have something there. Well, I'm looking at the picture of after it happened. I mean, you would have to I'm not really sure where he got the injury from. If you look at the picture, it's like chicken wire, basically. It's, how do you call it? But it's padded. Yeah.

The wall, the wall. Chain-length fence. Chain-link fence. It's not chicken wire. Well, it looks like. That reminds me of the blues. If it's exposed. It is.

It is. Yeah, it's exposed. The little section of the fence that he crashed into has some padding, but there are small portions. I watched the video and saw the steel pictures. Still pictures. It has padding, but it also has small sections of exposed. What did I just say out loud, Josh? Chain-link fence.

Chain-link fence. So this giloff is arguing that the Tigers on the ballpark, and pretty much everybody involved with their organization, is responsible. They failed to properly pad the fence that he crashed into. Yeah, I don't know. I think this is silly. I don't think he has a case. I don't know. What's your name again?

Brad Ryder. Not by a legal standpoint. Yeah. I just, I don't remember ever hearing about a baseball player getting injured and then suing the ballpark where he was playing. Right. You have to admit that that's a rarity. Oh, for sure. Yeah.

That's where I'm going with this. I'm not here to argue back and forth about the law. but just most players, when they get hurt, they get hurt. Right, that's right. This guy's like, well, if he would have put him some pillows up against the wall, his lawyer is saying, you know, the tigers are responsible. It's unclear how much money he's looking for. I wonder how the athletes.

Jesus, $100. That's all he wants. They think they can settle that by today. $100. I wonder what the athletics think about that. Yeah, I wonder if they're behind him or they think he's acting like a jagoff. Yeah. Did that look that on that setup?

It didn't look to me like, oh, that is strange the way that set up. It looked like you'd see that at plenty of parks. And like I said, Cubby, the exposed, this is the third time I'm trying to say it, and I can't come up with it. Chain link fence? Thank you. Chicken wire. The exposed barbed wire and chicken wire and chain link fence, they're very small sections. I mean, it was just pure freak bad luck that his.

knee contacted the fence and not one of the pads that surrounded it. So the people have texted it is in on this and there is some history. Reggie Bush got $12.5 million from the Rams because of a knee injury at the Edward Jones Dome. I guess there's some exposed concrete. Oh, I remember that now. I'm just speaking from a legal standpoint and knowing how powerful the players union is. And I'm sure that's where his lawyer is coming from is from that stable. That's why I'm saying I think he might have a case here.

sure sure sure i'll go along with it i'm not going to argue whether he has a case or not i just think it's kind of strange strange to hear an athlete say well i'm going to have to sue everyone involved in yesterday's game right now by the way this does sound uncomfortable near 10 years ago a player for the chicago white socks by the name of dustin fowler sued somebody sued the uh ballpark he was playing at that day because he crashed into an unpadded electrical box. Oh, no. Oh, God.

That's a little bit different. And your nipple turns the lights off in Section 310. You hit it so hard, you know. It crashed into air! I wonder if any sparks flew or anything like in the movies. Oh, man. His hair standing up? I remember when we were high school kids.

Boy, this kid should have sued me, or my parents, to be more exact. I was hosting a keg party, Josh, in my folks' garbage house. And a kid guy went to school with is excitedly run, where the party was in the basement. He's excitedly running down the basement stairs with his case of beer. And he trips. Oh, boy. and he goes head first down the stairs and he crashes his skull

into our constantly running dehumidifier. Because Jack remembers how his basement was as a kid. There was always an inch of water on the floor because it was so humid and disgusting down there. So he cracks his skull on the constantly running dehumidifier

which upends the dehumidifier and partially unplugs the dehumidifier. So now that it's tippedifier. tipped over Josh. Now the power cord is resting in a pool of water and sparks are flying from the outlet because it's partially disconnected. Oh boy. So I thought he was going to tie of electrician because he's lying in this puddle of water. So I, Cubby, for my beer drinking buddies back then, I'd risk my life. I dove like it was a Bruce Willis action movie. I'm here. I dove and I knocked the power cord out of the outlet

and we lived to drink ourselves into oblivion later that evening. Yeah, that could have been really bad. But he could have, I mean, his head had a big hole in it from hitting that to... That's terrible. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. He was the only person, Josh, ever that was excited to ever walk into my folks' basement. That place was like a morgue. It was just disgusting.

bugs and, you know, grandma's down there. We don't know what to do with grandma. She's in the corner. Did we just... Rodding. We just point her at a TV, give her some jello, you know, and go on with the beer party. Do you ever have a relative living in the house, Josh, where they were so old? You just point them at a TV?

You know, my grandma was pretty spry. Yeah. All the way up until she passed away. I mean, she was very with it in her 80s. Point about a TV. We had six eight beer parties that summer where I would just point grandma's chair at the television. give her some jello and she would act like nothing was happening at all. She did mention, she did have a couple comments on the music.

She did not like that wolf rock. Too much for her? Yeah. All right. Folks were weirded out by, I told you we'd get to some Caleb Williams news, former starting quarterback for the Chicago Bears until he passed away during that game against him. I know it seemed like it, but he did not die. So the Bears played the Eagles on Monday night football the other night.

And people were weirded out by Caleb Williams hanging out, hanging around in the locker room after the game. And the first question people asked when they saw the video or the still photographs of Caleb Williams hanging out in the locker room. They asked, why was he only wearing a bathrobe? And the look on his face was kind of concerning. Is he on pain pills or something? He looked drunk. Yeah, he did. So, of course, common sense would tell you that maybe he was sitting in the warm tub or whatever they do, you know, when they're injured.

Oh, that didn't even cross my mind. He did some sit-ups or something during the game and then he took a shot. But it was, it did paint a weird picture. Here's all the rest of his teammates with their gear on and they're all pumped up, the post-game celebration. And there's Caleb just looking like a pervert wearing a robe in the background. A couple of times during the game, I watched the game a couple of times during the game, they cut to him and they cut away from. him really quickly. Like, I mean, he must have been acting weird

on the sidelines, too. He looked a little frustrated, it seems. He's a weird guy. Yep. Well, by the way, Wolfpack Softball Jesus texted in that story. I told about my friend doing a header down the stairs and ramming into the

deumidifier, which was constantly running, and then the power cord and the pool of water and the electric... Wolfpack Softball Jesus says, it kind of sounds like a setup from Final Destination. Oh, definitely. Is he still with us? Who's that?

Is your friend? Well, actually, no. Oh, geez. It does sound like Final Destination. Actually, Josh? Kangaroo panties. That was a mistake. There.

No, I'm just... It was inappropriate time to play that. Well, no, it kind of broke up the awkwardness there, didn't it? Because the truth is, Josh, he has passed. Yeah, well. Yes. Not good. It wasn't.

I love this comment from a fan, from a internet dork, whatever you want to call him. on the Caleb Willem hanging out in the Bears locker room looking like a flasher wearing just a robe. This particular character said, the robe is such a weird look, but Caleb probably gets off on people making fun of him.

Total humiliation fetish guy. He gets made fun of a lot. Yeah. He just made fun of for a lot of stuff. He definitely gives off that vibe. I've never considered being a humiliation fetish. guy. You should try it out. You don't know what you like until you try it. I've definitely been humiliated once or twice in the sack, but I never considered making it my thing.

You've told us before something very hurtful a lady said. Oh, I had a relationship with this lady where we would trade insults back and forth, yeah, just to kind of spice things up. And the one night she said, you call that a penis? Yeah, not cool. Yeah, I don't. Too far. You drew the line there. She said, what is that a penis or a tranquilizer dart? Because she was just so Still. Yeah, didn't do anything for. Yeah, didn't do anything for. Nothing but true stories here on the program.

You guys know that. You would never lie. Apparently, there's a new documentary out there, Summers. It's called Miller Night Football. And it's all about the brief period of time that comedian Dennis Miller spent help and call NFL games on Monday Night Football. I thought I was going to be related to beer. No.

I could see why. No. Beer, football. That sounds more interesting, actually. Oh, really? I'm pretty interested in watching this. Now, that was back in the year 2000. If you would have had me guess, I would have went even further back than that.

Yes, I agree. The 2000 football season, Dennis Miller joined Al Michaels, Dan Fouts. I think I have the other cast of characters, correct? You do. I think so. If you watch the documentary, all of the major... players in this story sit down for interviews, the aforementioned Michael's Fouts, Melissa Stark, and Dennis Miller, and they have key behind the scenes footage of this and that.

Oh, I didn't like it. I remember I thought that was just the dumbest idea of all time. When they first announced it even, like before. I hated it all the way through. Did you like Dennis Miller? Well, at that point, no, I did not. You didn't? No. But I grew to appreciate him. I think part of that was because Howard CoSell was such a big personality on that original show, that they kept constantly trying to find that big personality. When really the story of Monday Night Football really is the game itself. They kind of got away from, you know, just do the game.

People will care about the game. Yes, Howard was an icon as far as what he did for the game, but they kept trying to find someone to replace Howard. And I think Dennis Miller was just part of that trend. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm sure that was what was behind it. Yeah, at that time, Josh, I thought that Dennis Miller came off like a pompous, no-it-all prick.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, that's certainly the case. You know what turned me around? What's that? Joe Dirt. Oh, yeah. One of my favorite movies, Joe Dirt. I thought Dennis Miller did a wonderful job portraying a arrogant, coke-fueled radio person.

Anyway, I'd like to see this story, too, Josh. There's plenty that I don't know, I'm sure. And while we're talking about past editions of Monday Night Football, you know what I miss, Josh? I missed the Bougar Mobile. Yeah, you know, why did he get so much crap? I kind of tried that a little bit with him. I mean, I know he knows about football, but he kind of brought him. that same element a little bit to the podcast.

They kind of wanted Boogs to be the comedy relief. I miss the Booger Mobile. I still see Boogs on TV. I think he covers college football now. He's one of my favorites. I love Boogs. Yeah, the Boogermobile was cool. Dude.

And by the way, you know, something I learned when reading Kurt Angles' autobiography. Dana, I wonder if you know this, being a Rassling fan. Kurt Angles family and Dennis Miller, family grew up in the same neighborhood and they were drinking pals and whatnot back in high school. I think I remember hearing that, yeah. On a Saturday night, Kurt Engel and his bros would pile into one car with Dennis Miller and his bros and they'd drink beer and chase tail. Dennis Miller's brother lives in the, or lived, I don't know if he's still with us, but he

lived in the Twin Cities. I did not know that. He, yeah, he lived up in kind of the Roseville area. When I was in college, I mowed lawns, and he was one of the lawns that I mowed. Was he also really learned, bright individual? Yeah. I know we get obsessed about people being from Minnesota or living here, but Dennis Miller's brother is a little bit of a reach.

That's not exactly something I would have brought up out of the blue. When you're talking about his family, I thought I'd throw that in there. Brad Ryder, I was going to go after you for that, but after what I said about you yesterday on the radio, I thought I'd let it go. Well, what did you say about me yesterday? I wasn't on. I wasn't on the air yesterday. You didn't say anything.

He wasn't here. What else? Kangaroo panties. Oh, that one was on purpose. Listeners are wondering, the grandmother that we used to point at the television and give her a bowl of jello during beer parties, is that the one with the clam chowder?

No. Oh, I would have assumed. It was my other grandma. He had some interesting grandma's. Turn down that wolf rock. She used to say she hated the wolf rock. And I'd say, shut up and eat your jello. You would not.

You're lucky we're giving you a place to watch television, I said. You would not do that. You shut up. You respect your elders. You would not do that. You're lucky you got a roof over your head, grandma. Shut it. Oh, my God.

Give you the Griswold treatment if you're not careful. I'll take that jello away. There's no way you did that. Can I get a little witty? whipped cream on the jello? Shut up you. Whatever. That's how we operated over there.

Don't believe a word of that. Like I said earlier, all true stories here on the program, we got to get going. Thanks, fellas. You're back. We will be with you tomorrow, and we'll be back in a few minutes here on the Godforsaken half-ass morning show.

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Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a crowd, Cubby. They're a good one. They're always a good one. We've got ourselves, not every day, but we've got ourselves a spirited crowd out there today. I think every day for the most part. It's Thursday. No, it's not.

It's Wednesday. It's 93X Rock. Welcome back to the show, Ski. Wednesday show. Cubby. Well, yeah, you're right. It's only Wednesday. Yep.

It's okay. Got a question for Josh. After I run my stapler over here. Have you been dream cheating in your wife's dream lately? Are you throwing down any randos in your wife's dreams? Yes. Within the last six months, she had a dream I cheated on her, which is kind of hilarious. But the first time this happened, she was very mad at me the entire day.

She told me I know it's ridiculous, but she was. She was enraged that again, I cheated on her in her dream. I didn't have a dream I cheated. She had a dream that I cheated. One of my favorite stories from over the years. And this happened again about six months ago, and she told me about it, said she was a little affected,

but she wasn't mad at me this time. Did she tell you who it was with, like who you cheated on her with? Well, I'd ask some questions, of course. Yeah, you want to know. She doesn't want to give you any ideas. It was just like a made-up woman in her head, which, by the way, got me through a lot of dry spells back in the day.

But she said it was nobody we knew. I love that story where Cubby's wife had a dream that Josh was folding some foxy lady on the side and she was angry with you for a stretch of time because of what her brain created in her dream, which one of the silliest things. Dude, I get it. I've woken up before and been like, what in the, like, who do you think you are? Dream Jeremy is being a douche. So here you go.

Other than straight up pinning someone that is not you. your significant other. Here's an update because this list is constantly changing, fluctuating. Here's a list of the 10 things that count the same as cheating. So be aware. And again, in a week, this will likely change slightly. People are always coming up with something new that counts the same as sex with someone that is not your significant other.

Here are the 10 things that count as cheating. And they came up with this rundown after they. I don't even know who they is, but the godless internet came up with this rundown after conducting a relationship survey. Talker Research is where this came from. I've never been involved in a relationship survey. I'd like to tell them what I think.

Yeah, I want to be included in a survey in general. I guess I ignore those people, though. so maybe I should. The survey people? Yeah, they're usually at the mall. Really? Yeah. Oh, wow.

I've been stopped like, hey, can you stop and do the survey? Oh, no. Well, wait a minute. Nope. Oh, I've done that. I've been stopped for that too, but that is just a survey about the mall. Oh, I guess I'm not sure what the survey about. It was about the mall.

Yeah. They want to ask you about the mall. Yeah. What could they get in here? So you're not missing out. That is not a relationship survey person there with the clipboard at the mall. I don't know, man. They just want to ask.

you about the mall. What do you think about the bathrooms? I don't have much to say about the mall. Yeah, I walked away from it as well, but I did find out that what they wanted to ask me about was how I enjoyed my time at the mall. You got to be a little older to get this reference, but Nick, when you were younger, did you ever take the Pepsi challenge? Oh. I took the Pepsi challenge at Southdale Mall. Well, we did it at home. You did it at home? Yeah, we mimicked the television commercial where you were a blindfold and you'd take a drink of Pepsi, you'd take a drink of Coke, you try to pick right? And you say which one you like better. I took the corn dog pranopopop challenge at the state fair. Yep, that's true.

And I aced that. Here's a listener by the name of your friendly neighborhood garbage man who hopes, when we're discussing these 10 acts that count as cheating, he's hoping that we discover the poophole loophole. It's always hilarious. There's nothing in here about the poophole. Nobody ever really believes that, do they? I know one woman who did. I have an ex who she had.

committed to me in high school that she was going about the poophole loophole. You know the story, Josh. So this was at my buddy Donnie's house. Donnie had a party and I brought my girlfriend and her friend. My girlfriend's friend didn't know anybody at the party, but she was willing to go. And she had a few drinks and started running her yapper. I didn't even know this friend of my girlfriend terribly well. Got a few Steve Weisers in her.

And she's just running her yap saying just ridiculous things. And one of the things she said to complete strangers is, I don't believe that anal sex is cheating. She said, you know, I currently have a boyfriend. But if somebody wanted to have anal sex with me, I. And my boyfriend, we would not consider it cheating. And it was perfect timing. Again, she was a total stranger.

Donnie, the guy who was hosting the party, as soon as he heard her complete that sentence, he came around to her and said, how you doing? My name's Donnie. That's shocking to me that somebody wouldn't think that was cheating. This was early 2000s, and maybe she was just trying to, you know, create some attention for herself, and she certainly did. Okay, here are the 10 acts that count as cheating, other than straight up sexual intercourse. According to her relationship survey, and again, I'd like to be a part of one of those someday. Okay, number one, keeping an ongoing flirtatious text conversation with somebody.

Dug. I wouldn't like that. Don't be doing that? An ongoing flirtatious text conversation with someone or another. I told you guys I cheated on a girlfriend once and still makes me miserable. I had this kind of thing. We never did anything physical, but that happened. Of course you didn't.

There was some texting going on. Nothing dirty, but, you know, more flirtatious than was appropriate. I don't even need to know the details of the text conversations. I just know that it wasn't, it wasn't cheating. I bet it was just the sweetest, you were just being a friendly person. Wasn't even flirting. Ashley's right. What you consider cheating is probably such candy-coated silliness that we would probably vomit.

Well, I knew it wasn't right. Yeah, it's like how I talk to my friends or something, I imagine. Well, this is funny. What did do, Jesus just texted in and said, okay, I'm one for one. Let's keep going. The first little act that counts as cheating is keeping an ongoing flirtatious text message conversation with someone.

Okay, number two. Talking with one person late into the night while hiding it from your partner. What's that song again? I'm calling you up and I'm drunk and I'd like you to come over. I got a girlfriend sitting here, but I'm really drunk and I'm calling you. Oh my gosh, I'm picturing the music. Come on over. It's 2 a.m. It's late at night.

I still think about you. Come on over and give me a BJ. Lips of an angel? I'm going to go along with. Oh, Hinder? Yeah, yeah, yep. Hinder. I was thinking it was a country song the way you were singing it.

I think me and I know some other people had the same. same experience. Like I used to sing that song and I loved it. And then I kind of sat and really listened to what I was singing out loud. And I was like, oh, this man is terrible. Yeah. He's calling this lady 2 a.m. His girlfriend's asleep right in the bed. What are you doing, baby? I remember the way we used to bump. You want to do that again? It's bogus. Yeah, that was pretty cool. Pretty cool. I think anything you hide from your partner suggests maybe you shouldn't be doing it or it's inappropriate. Talking on the telephone with someone laid into the night.

What are you doing? I'd be so irritated. What do you do it? Get off the phone. It's one in the morning. I've done this before where you're kind of on edge. Because you know you're doing something wrong. And I got the phone sitting directly on my chest.

And so when it rings, it just goes, you know what I mean? Yeah. The typical telephone ring goes, but I'm on that. dumb bitch. All the phone was able to spit out was, like the air you hear. I told you not to call this late. What are you doing? And you look over. Is my girlfriend awake? Okay, she's not awake. But what the hell are you doing calling this? Wait a minute. You want to do what? Oh yeah. Yeah. Hello. No, you don't say it that loud. Oh, here. She's laying a stupid ass. I told you not to call.

But like you're here. What are you wearing? Yeah. All right. Here's the third little act that counts as cheating. And I know what some of you are saying. You're saying, man, back in the old days, there was only one definition of cheating. Our grandpas and grandmas, they had it easy. There was only one definition of cheating. And it was boning somebody that wasn't your wife or girl. What do you call it husband? There wasn't this many different ways to cheat. Yeah, there's no wiggle room on that. Every time we get into relationship, there's so much work to be put in. Okay. When you maintain a dating app profile just to look at people? Am I making sense of that? Look for validation. What does that mean?

You're looking for people to go, man, you're hot. I'd love to go out with you. Oh, validation. Yeah, make sure you still got it. Validation. Okay, so you have your little picture up on a dating site just so you can get a haffy from people saying you're cute. I had to be taught that I feel so dumb. I should know this. I'm young enough. I would just like delete apps. Like, oh, okay. So I met somebody I really liked, so I'm going to delete Hinge. I didn't realize, like, you, like, duh, you have to go into your account and delete

your account. Right. I can just delete the app. Oh, I see what you're saying. It's like, I don't think you're seeing her. She's still on Hinge. No, I'm just an idiot. Now, not a dating site, but didn't you say you, maybe it's your current husband or somebody

you were with, Ashley, was liking photos of attractive women on social media or commenting on maybe women he knew. he knew on social media saying stuff like, oh, that bikini looks real good on you or something like that? I thought you got like upset with somebody for doing that. My high school ex, he used to do that kind of stuff all the time. Okay, maybe that's what I'm thinking about. Yeah, that was so messed up.

There's one girl, she was like an influencer and she'll still like pop up on my social media pages just randomly. And I get like transported right back to that time where I like confronted him about like, Why are you in all her comments? Or are you liking all her photos every single one? That might be weird me out if my wife was doing that. Oh, this is great from Brando Jesus. I know what you're talking about.

He said his wife once caught him at Chipotle without her once, and he got yelled at. And I'd imagine that's what it's like getting caught cheating. Oh, dude, if I walked into like a Wendy's, I guess, because like why am I there without him, though? Why am I going to, you know, I'm kind of looking at it that way. But if I walk into a Wednesdays, and my husband's already sitting there

and joining a frosting and a burger without me, I'm going to yell. I know you got mad at him for, you found that he had Dinos. He had Dinos without you. He found rappers in his car. Every time you eat. Multiple times a week, too.

What are you doing? Your food cheating on me. And he's hiding it. He's hiding the evidence because he knows I'm going to be like, bro. Stop it. How dare you have something delicious and I'm not present?

We're talking about the 10 acts that count as. cheating. They count the same as, you know, bending over the neighbor lady when nobody's looking. According to people who got involved in this relationship survey, where are we now? What does this say? Oh, Nick, real quick, Southside Jesus says, do you think like our grandparents cheated with sexy letters? Sexting wasn't anything back then? You wouldn't even be aroused by the time it got there and back. They never wrote any letters. They just ran into somebody at the saloon. and took him back into the tall grass.

No one had to know Dick Tracy. Just your average IT guy, Jesus said. He ate his wife's last ice cream drumstick the other night. She looked at him, huffed, and went to bed mad. Sticks are unbelievable. Not the huff. Some of you peckerheads need to grow up. What is this?

Ooh, keeping someone in your phone under a fake name. You told the story about doing that. I did that. Yeah, I did that once too. It didn't work out. All the shady women in my life, who I fear, would call or text me at 2 o'clock in the morning. I put all of their names under, I changed all of their names to men's names.

Do you have a go-to? When the phone went, and I picked it up, and it said, Dale. And my girlfriend said, who's that? I could show her. It's Dale. When really it wasn't Dale. It was Veronica. Did you have a go-to guy's name?

Yeah, yeah. Wade. Yeah. It was our boss at the time, Wade. Oh. Yeah, see, I messed up when I did that because I put them in my phone as a girl named Shayla. I have never, ever been friends with a Shayla. I've only known one in my life, and we weren't like in our lives, in each other's lives at all.

So, yeah, it was pretty easy to crack that goal. Yeah, you got to make it a pretty common name. Yeah, that was going to ask questions if Jenny texts you. That was a bad one. That was a bad day. I'm weird about stuff where for whatever reason, I have to put their full name in there.

Even if it's like my kids, my mom, you know, stuff like that, instead of just putting like a nickname for somebody, I have the full name. Why? I don't know. It's just a weird deal. You have your mother's full name? Yeah, I put it full names of everybody in there. Do you have my middle name

in your phone? I don't even know your middle name. Is it awesome? Because that would make sense. FAS morning show 93X. to folks these days. These are the acts. Maybe it's easier to say these are the things that count as cheating

just the same as oh, say, dumping a beege on your neighbor guy on National Night Out or whatever occasion there might be. Someone said... It's a very sexually charged event, Josh, when you do the National Night Out. Well, you meet people

And you might have a couple of adult beverages. Just for beer floats. I didn't know you lived right there. How convenient would that be, you might say. This person says, does the phrase eating ain't cheating still apply today as much as it did in the 90s? No, if anything, that's worse. It does to some of the older guys that I drink with. They still abide by that, and so do their partners.

I did have a discussion with my wife once. Well, everybody's cool with it. Yeah, everyone's cool with it. It's an older crowd. I'm wondering her thoughts on, let's say, there's a couple and their libidos don't match up anymore. Would it still be, and I understand any sex act could be considered cheating, but is it less cheating if one person's not interested? The other one still is. So the person that still wants sex goes and pays for an H.J.

Or some hand stuff from a masseuse. Because that's a business transaction. The only reason you're doing it is because you want to get some and you're supposed. Significant other isn't interested. You're doing business with a professional, no different than going out and getting a haircut by a world-class barber. Right. It's like getting a car wash or something like that. It's transactional.

That is not cheating. You're fulfilling a need, and of course you'd want your significant other to be a part of it. It's not. But they're not interested. Not cheating. It went a different way at my house, but. Yeah, yeah. It would go a different way at my house as well.

We're up to the top five. Not that they were any. in any direct order. None of these acts or things are any worse than the other. They are just all in the same category. These following things count the same as cheating. By the way, and I have to warn you that the last five entries here, they get a little lame.

It's not terribly exciting. I'll just warn you. Now, a couple text messages have come in. we were talking about how some of us when we get ourselves a sidepiece will change their name on our cell phone so when the side piece calls us we can say to our girlfriend

oh no that's just Gary calling me at 3 o'clock in the morning here's a guy who says he entered his sidepiece into his cell phone as potential spam that's pretty genius yeah and another listener text it in and say

to say a list text it in to say this entire conversation makes me want to break up with my girlfriend right now just to avoid the crazy women who would accuse me of dream or food cheating. Ashley and Josh talk about dream and food cheating. Netflix cheating. That can be even worse. Here we go. Here we go. Here are the final five. These count the same as cheating, keeping in touch with an ex without telling your partner. You're still talking to Belinda.

your ex from years ago and your partner doesn't know about it. How about secretly meeting someone, as Daryl Hall used to say, Josh, one on one, I want to play that game tonight. Yeah, a lot of these have the same theme. Yeah, can't do that. I know, I want to play that one. So it's secretly meeting with someone one-on-one. Yeah, anything you're keeping from the other person is an indication that you realize

you're not doing something that's above par. Having a secret friendship that your partner doesn't know about? That's the same as having sex with someone on the side. I have a secret friend. I'm trying to think why that you want to have sex with. Tell me who he is. What's the secret? I'm not telling you nothing.

We're a secret friendship. And then this stuff gets stupid. Fantasy messaging? And I had to look this up. that's saying things to somebody else like, what if we were single? Oh, sure. What if you didn't have a boy?

Would it be crazy if you showed me your boobs right now? Wouldn't that just be really funny? Yeah, just like it's a joke, you know? And finally, sending heart emojis. All right, I got to thank Ashley for helping me out here. And you've done that many, many times with text messaging. Yes. Is that I was using a red heart.

to heart things and I just thought that's just the heart emoji. I didn't know different color hearts meant different things. So I told a lot of people I was romantically interested in them over the years and had no idea. Yeah, you really led me on there, Josh. I found that up, man. She's like, okay, just so you know. I was crushed. I think this heart thing reminds me of like social media DMs.

Like if you're, say, I posted like a selfie or whatever and then I had like some other girl's boyfriend like hearting that selfie or like you know commenting even saying like oh this is a hot picture a lot of like that i consider that you know cheating to a degree just a fact lusting after of lusting after other women and like so all i have to do is call another woman hot and i'm lusting after them messaging them directly about it like that see i don't know anything about the messaging thing but you consider that cheating yeah it says you're certain certain emojis can get you in trouble, Cubby. And it does count the same as

meeting someone in the men's room at the bingo parlor and 69ing with them on the floor of the... Can you imagine if that was just the same? Because I think I know which one would be more satisfying if you got caught cheating. So you're telling me I could have just met

somebody in a men's room at a casino at 69. Can I be in the same amount of trouble? Right. I wasted it on an emoji. Let me get this straight. You're telling me. I sent a gal a, what is it again, a, an emoji, a heart. A frog plant.

What is it again? A eggplant. I sent a gal a frog plant emoji. And that's the same as 69 and on the floor of the bathroom with a big old piler. I guess honestly, when you put it that way, if you're going to cheat, you might as well just go all the way. Right. Yeah. If it's the same amount of trouble.

Quit screwing around with the kid stuff and just go ahead and cheat. And, you know, before we go, Josh, the list mentioned having a secret friend. and you don't tell your partner. Secret, secret secret. I've got to tell you something, Covey. You are that secret friend to me. I have never told anyone, including my significant other, about you. Are you serious?

Yeah. You have been my secret friend for 30 years. I've never told anyone else anything about you. No one in my circle of friends or family know that you exist. Is it because, well, I don't even want to ask the question. I was going to ask if it's because you're embarrassed of me or because you have such positive feelings about me, You don't want anybody to read in too much to it.

It's neither of those things. I just think it's exciting to have a secret friend. Yeah. I want to be someone's secret friend. You are my secret. Sometimes at the bar, I will say to a pal, I'll say, you know, Josh thinks that the Vikings are going to do well this year. And my pal will say, Josh, who? And I'll say, oh, it's nobody.

Nothing? Nothing. Sorry. Don't worry about it. He's nobody. I made him up. Not a person. You are my secret friend.

Thank you. Yes. You're welcome. My secret. friend Laser Jesus, text in a happy birthday to his daughter, Aurora, turning the big O-1 today. And happy 21st birthday to Megan from Dad.

93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart.

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