93X Half-Assed Morning Show - You'll Love Our Meat in Your Mouth

Episode Date: July 27, 2026

Originally Aired July 27, 2026: Dinner with a side of ants. NO LAUGHING IN THE MOVIE THEATER! Everything you wanna know about snake pizza.    Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast. Ah, that's better. Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93x half-ass morning show. It ain't right. Hell no, it ain't, but it just is what it is. Welcome to the 93-X half-ass morning show. Welcome to one of the more uncomfortable and disgusting mornings you could ever imagine.

Out of doors right now, which is just obscene. I'm so unhappy I had to put my water wings on just to go from my car to the front door It's so wet out there It's gross Cubby it's like a hot towel is wrapped around the world right now It's so hot Josh just took his hoodie off

That's how hot it is He apologized before he did it Sorry to you guys You have to see this but you're right I was kind of turned on Jesus that's really what you look like in a t-shirt I told you You need to eat

What do you mean This is raw muscle You just look so frail. Are you skinny shaming him? You do look. My body, my choice. Oh, wait, maybe that's the wrong way to use that. Leave me alone.

I know you're uncomfortable right now. I won't try to make it any worse. But yeah, you're down to a t-shirt. And that, I mean, as we've discussed before, it can be 95 degrees outside and you don't get down to a t-shirt. So you must be quite uncomfortable. Oh, it's bad in here. It's like I can't imagine people working outdoors today.

Oh. Inside right here, I feel. fairly comfortable. Outside, though, I mean, that's like what I imagine is like living inside a jock strap. It kind of, it's just like a big sauna. Yeah, it felt thick. Living inside an armpit is what it's like out of doors right now. The old boys that my dad used to hang out with, they would say it's hotter than Dutch love out there, boys. And it ain't looking to break. Yeah, I've said that a couple times this past weekend. It ain't looking to break at all till damn near the end of

the week, so. We've been on a hell of a run here, haven't we? We have. It's a record. What was it? I read last week that if you're younger than 76, you've never experienced this amount of heat in Minnesota that many days in a row. If you are

younger than really? Yeah, you'd have to be at least 76 to have experienced this before. F me running. Oh, I did not know that we were, you know, set in records. I knew it had been a hell of a poke, but we're setting all-time records. I mean, it's too hard to even go to a pool, go to a lake. No.

It's just... We haven't been out on the lake at all, just because this is too much. Too much. It's one of those things where you can't help but make a noise every time you go outside. Just, ugh, ugh. I did ask my phone this morning what the humidity was because it was obviously bad. And it said 90%, to me that seems like you'd be in the water if it was that high. I Googled it and covered.

couldn't figure out how you tell that kind of thing. I mean, if it's 90%, you definitely feel it. It says the dew point is the highest in Minneapolis has been in the last 15 years. Motorcross 492 would like a shout out for his boxers today. It's going to be a long day, and he hopes to hang in there. Yeah, they're going to put on some weight. They are your boxers, your drawers, I think, are about ready to pass away on you. You know, Josh, lately when I've been down to a T-shirt, my wife has been given me a difficult time telling me that I look frail and unhealthy when I get down to a T-shirt.

You've lost some weight recently. I have. I've lost some weight recently. I have some protein, guys. I do. I eat protein all the time. You look terrible. I wonder which one of us looks worse in a T-shirt right now.

I still have the hoodie on. Maybe if I got down to my T-shirt, Dana and Ashley could tell us which one of us looks more unhealthy and frail. I could probably stand to pick up a weight every once in a while. Well, oh, speaking to my wife, I got to tell you about an interesting experience we had yesterday. My wife and I often went to see a movie, how do you call it, a motion picture. We went and saw a motion picture yesterday. Was it The Odyssey? It was.

The Odyssey. Right away when the ad started popping up on television, my wife was interested in seeing this movie. The Odyssey. and I had no problem with the idea. I still like seeing a movie in a theater now and again, and I'm not too worried about the genre, really. I just don't mind going off and seeing a movie. But I had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

My wife is terrific with that internet. She's a very thorough researcher. Not all the time, but quite often. she researches a lot of products before she buys them. I'm the same way. I can see that. I can see that from you. Do it same here, Josh.

Now, for you, though, Josh, is it more the cost that you're researching? Like, how can I get a better deal? I mean, that and just to make sure I'm making the correct purchase. Okay. And then maybe I'll Google, should I feel guilty about buying whatever it is? Like, for example, my lease is up in February. and I already started like test driving vehicles and looking up, you know, a good option for me. I just want to be very well prepared so I don't feel like I'm going to make a stupid decision if I just wait until the last second.

You've been talking about this lease and this possible move to a new vehicle. You've been talking about that for a couple of months now. Oh, yes. You do. So I do over research probably. Are you, Josh, I have this problem where like I'll try to figure out. if I should buy something and like debate it for such a long time that I just don't end up doing it. A lot of times, yeah.

Yeah. Which kind of is part of the strategy too, right? Well, you talk yourself out of it? Yeah. Yeah, I hate that. I hate what I do that. I've saved so much money talking myself out of things. But then like months later, I'm like, I should have got that.

I can see that from you, Josh, absolutely. I know you've told this before. You're a coupon cutter type of a guy. You put a lot of thought in the damn near everything you do. So my wife is. pretty big on research before she buys something. And this here, this motion picture, I guess, was no different because before we headed off to see the movie, she was telling me this and that about how we need to get some ear plugs.

And I said, well, why would we, she looked up this movie. She wanted to see it, and I don't know the verbiage, I don't know the language, but she wanted to see it in one of these super duper theaters. An IMAX? I don't know. And she read that if we go to the super duper theater, whatever that is, I think it's more super duper because of it's sound quality, if that helps you at all in defining what I'm talking about,

because I can't help you. She read that if we go see it in the super theater, the sound specifically for this. movie, The Odyssey, she researched and read that the sound is absolutely overwhelming and you need earplugs in order to survive. I've been in theaters where it was uncomfortably loud. So I had never heard of this before, but I went along with it because she's the researcher and she's 99 times out of 100. She makes the right choice. So I said, okay, so we picked up a pair of a set of ear plugs for the both of us. And I'm telling you right now, if you go to the

Super Theater, and I apologize again for not being able to tell you exactly what that means, if you go to the Super Theater and see The Odyssey and you don't have earplugs, you're going to walk out of there. If I wouldn't have had protection for my ears yesterday, no way, and my wife also agreed, no way we would have stayed to watch the movie. I don't understand what they're doing. People are telling me the theater is Screen X. I'm sorry. I don't know. Well, was it a normal-sized screen? That would help. I don't know the answer to that question because I don't know much about the movie-going experience.

I mean, I go to the movies, but I couldn't tell you one. Well, if it was an IMAX, you'd know. It was a regular theater. Right. So it just had this. 13, 14 different screens. Right. But we went and saw the Odyssey in the special super theater.

But anyway, people are texting now saying, one guy says, I went to see it on Friday. and he wished he would have had earplugs. So yeah, this is the thing. My wife looked it up. They said you've got to have ear plugs. And I'm here to tell you they were right. I've never experienced it. It was absolutely, Josh, it was louder than the last Slayer concert I went to.

Absolutely louder than the last Megadeth concert we went to. It will shake you to, it'll part your effing hair how loud this movie is. That sounds awful. I'm telling you, Ashley, without the year plugs, I wouldn't have stayed. If you went to that movie over the weekend, chances are that was it. The movie's been huge, and it's made a ton of money, which you probably should because I heard it was ridiculous. I actually watched it behind the scenes, like on streaming. They had some sort of behind the scenes on the movie.

Kind of talked about how big of a production this was. It's like seven movies and one. But I know what you're talking about with the volume that's so uncomfortable. I can't remember the exact movie. This was many, many years ago. but I thought the same thing. Like, I might have to leave. The previews I almost puked.

I mean, I know you're having maybe a hard time understanding. Go see this effing movie and go see it in the super theater. And I'm telling you, it rattles you down to the effing screws. I do want to see it. Yeah, I love that kind of stuff. Like, Greek mythology is so cool. I liked it. I have to be totally honest with you.

You're not going to be surprised by this because you've just heard me struggle to explain the difference between one theater and another, because I don't know. You won't be surprised you hear me say that I didn't really understand what the hell was going on most of the time during this movie, but I did like it. It was, you know, battles and Greek mythology and all. I got no problem with that gimmick. I can't see it. It was okay.

Why can't you see it? Somebody texted in. It's not safe for dog lovers. Not safe for dog lovers. Yeah, a dog dies. Oh, for Christ's sake. Can't do it. I don't feel like crying at movies anymore.

It's exhausting. Ashley, I know what they're referring to. It's not that bad. It's not, all right. No, no. Promise. Isn't that one of those things where movie makers will say you really got to decide if you want to kill an animal? Well, people like you, Ashley, that sounded demeaning.

I didn't mean it like that. But folks that feel the same way don't want to see a movie where an animal dies. Yeah. That's a bold decision. Yeah. I've avoided a lot of movies because of that. Yeah, I've heard that before. And for whatever reason, that does seem to.

bother me more too. What's that one? Yeah, then like 10 people getting massacred on screen, you know what I mean? Ten people could get hit by a bus. They're like, oh, that's too bad. And then a dog dies and you start bawling. Why would they do that?

Why would the movie makers do that? What's wrong? I mean, I'll admit, Ashley, it was a little uncomfortable when the dog looked into the camera and begged for its life. Sure. I didn't enjoy that part. It just begged and begged and begged and begged for its life, but then it was... I read about it and how long it took for that dog to die.

Oh, my gosh. The whole first hour of the movie was the death of this dog. It was awful. It's suffered. No, the dog is barely a factor. Trust me. Trust me. I saw, I watched a movie over the weekend.

It was the same thing. There was a whole article on, why did the cat have to die? The movie Obsession. Did anybody watch that yet? Never saw it. No, not yet. You have, Ashley, I think you'd like it specifically. Oh, is that kind of, it looked really funny and quirky where a dude wishes upon a fallen star

that this woman would fall in love with him and then she does, but it's too much for him to handle? Yeah. Okay. She's great. By the way, that actress, whoever she is, she makes that, I thought a lot of the characters were kind of annoying. But she is awesome.

I don't think anybody could have played that character better. She's perfect. Honestly, I have, and this is, like, surprising because I really like creepy stuff, but I keep seeing, you know, like little snippets of it on social media. It's really, like, freaks me out. Well, I was going to mention, Ashley, so this article was about, why would they kill the cat? It's not bad. Because I was a little apprehensive.

Like, oh, boy, is this going to be disturbing? But really, it's not at all. Obsession was psychologically creepy, this person said. Yeah. Oh, man. And I think that's on like Netflix or Hulu or whatever, right? Peacock maybe. I can't remember.

What did they define it as there a minute ago, Josh? I'm sorry? Psychologically creepy. Okay. I like the looks of it when I saw the ads. Maybe if I... Well, Nick, you'd love it. I don't want to spoil why, but I really do...

Does a dog die? No, a cat. A cat dies. Painfully. Again, it's the first hour of the movie. Yeah. If you watch the whole thing, I think you're really going to like it. Sounds fun.

I'm encouraging, everyone, give this friggin' odyssey a shot and go see it in the Super Theater, but bring something for your friggin' ear drums, baby, because that was, I mean, two or three times during the movie, I kind of looked over at my wife. No way we could communicate. If I wanted to say something to her, there's no way she would have heard me.

But I kind of looked at her. And with my eyes, I said, is this per effing real? It's just, it's overwhelming. 2N. Jesus, back to obsession, says it gave her a headache with all the screaming. I would agree. Like, I had to turn the side.

down off a couple times with, I mean, some of the crying was over the top and the screaming. That's a good point. Horrible murder scenes and whatnot? No, just like, because she's crazy, right? She crazy. So she'll start bawling or screaming or something like the end. Yeah, that's a good point. Well, there you go.

The credits at the end, she's crying the whole time. Oh, my gosh. She's wailing at times. So, yeah, I had to turn the volume off. Yeah, I don't know. Like I said, when I keep seeing clips of that, and it's just, It freaks me out in a way that a movie hasn't done in a really long time. When I see little scenes of how she acts, she's freaky.

So the actress did a great job. That's good. Yeah, she's great. I like it when her facial expressions, everything. I like it when a character is that unnerving. You know what I mean? Yeah. And she has to snap between her regular self and then her, I'll just call it possessed self,

whatever that is. Yeah. and she does it great. Cool. Oh, wow. Yeah, so I hear what you're saying. Now, the gal throws tantrum fits like a toddler, says, too broke to motorsport, Jesus.

It kind of got a little much, but I think you'd like obsession. All right. I think you'll like The Odyssey, too. I can't wait. Hang on to your ass. Yeah, I really want to see it. If you go and see it in the same setup that I did.

Did you guys watch the long walk? I watched that one over the weekend. I don't think I'm smart enough to fully. understand it. It was pretty decent. Are you familiar with it? Not at all. So it's a Stephen, based on a Stephen King, I don't know if it's a novella, novel, what it is, but... I remember that whole Stephen King thing.

So basically, Luke Skywalker, he's like kind of this dickish military guy, and he's... Luke Skywalker, this is a Star Wars movie? The actor who plays Luke Skywalker, Mark Hamel. Oh, wow. Oh, no kidding. Mark Hamill's in another movie, huh? Yeah, he's in stuff. He does a lot of voice work, like a ton of voice work.

Okay. And these teenagers, basically it's a patriotic, long walk, and there's certain conditions. If you don't meet these conditions, they shoot you in the head, basically. They kill you, right? And so there's one winner, and the winner gets all this money and gets one wish. So it's basically these kids walking, the whole movie and the relationships they make, and there's some douchebags and stuff like that. And the acting was great.

Actually, one of the actors is going to be the new Black Panther. So the acting was good, but there's an underlying. meaning, I think about kind of a rage against the machine thing. We don't have choices that we think we have. So I was hoping maybe one of you guys saw it and could explain the deeper meat. I don't think I was bright enough to get it. I never even heard of this, but it sounds really good. I got lost. How does Mark Hamill figure into this?

He's like a dickhead military guy. He's kind of like an evil dude. He's the one who's being evil to the kids who are trying to make the long walk? Right. Well, F me running. the Odyssey kind of reminded me of the old what the hell was the name of that movie

Clash of the Titans so if you're into that kind of a thing Harry Hamlin Clash of the Titans so there you go yeah a lot of folks texting in this movie about the weather

boy she's going to be a bitch rat rod Jesus I love this line I never get tired of this hotter than two mice and a wool sock behind the dryer. You ain't kidding, son. It is obscene out there. Friday, we're going to be heading back

to the Wise at American Legion for our brostout cancer fundraiser. Great, I'm going to be back in the kitchen. Yeah, it gets hot back there. I just visited you a couple of times. That's definitely it. What's it going to be like Friday? I haven't looked ahead.

How about 90? Oh, that's going to be rough. It's going to be 90s all week. There is a slight chance on Friday, a slight chance from what the dude told me last night, and I know things can change, and by Wednesday there might be a totally different forecast. But the dude on my television last night said

there is a slight chance that it cools down a little bit on Friday because of a thunderstorm or two. That'd be nice. I would love that. I'm wondering if we're going to get a crazy thunderstorm with how humid it is out today. You would think so. Oh, yes, please.

So if you haven't gotten around, you better hurry up and get your ticket to Friday's brostout cancer event. I'm worried. Tomorrow, I'll have a little. more information on some of the silent auction items that will be available Friday night. 20 bucks. You can find a ticket on our website. Gets you into the Legion for the broasted chicken meal.

It's delicious and we'll have a silent auction. We'll have a 50-50 raffle. This and that. Everyone from the Half Fast Morning Show will be there. All the money benefits Randy Shaver's Cancer Research Fund. So maybe tomorrow I'll have some more information on silent auction items. Some of our listeners have been very, very generous in donating to the silent auction. You had a question, Ashley?

I'm worried about what my chicken intake is going to be on that day because I have a hard time controlling myself around broasted chicken. Would you like me to put you at the big eaters table? There's a big eater's table. I'm thinking of organizing a big eaters table. Ashley, I'm part of the Clean Plate Club. You can join us. Are you part of the Clean Plate Club?

Usually I'm not, but with broasted chicken, I just become unhinged. I don't know what it is. I could be as full as I could be. but if I see, I'm just going to like, you know, just a little bit of the skin, just a little bit. I can seat you at the big eaters table with my twin brother, but just I can't guarantee you're going to walk out of there with all your fingers, because these guys are, these guys are repulsive with the way they. Can I sit there at the big eaters table? You can sit there the true eaters table.

I was thinking more, Josh, maybe putting you at the kids table. You can entertain the kids. I'm always at the kids. I figure, but I bet you excel in that situation. It is kind of fun. Yeah. That's the one table I can be a middle at. Have you heard that term?

No. Kirby Enthusiasm introduced that to me. Like the person that sits in the middle at like a social event, like a diet, you know, everybody's having a nice meal together. Yes. They have to be able to bridge the gap between the left side and the right side. They're the middle, right? They keep the conversation going.

I mean, that's basically what you've done in your professional life now for 30 years. Well, at the kids' table. Well, no, what I mean is sitting right here. Your professional life. That's you guys. No, no, no. You have... I'm not a middle.

You're not a middle. No, the middle's, they got a special town. I got a buddy. You're a middle. I got a buddy who's a middle. That's the guy. That's the guy that kind of does it, you know? At a kid's table, I might be able to do that.

I think, I guess maybe I don't understand what a middle is just yet. But, I mean, I think in your radio career, you've done a wonderful job of managing different personalities. you know what I mean? Finding a middle ground with all kinds of different personalities. Being a man like a level, a voice of reason type character. So that's not a middle? Well, I appreciate you saying that, but it's more like somebody who can kind of keep the conversation going, right?

Oh! They're like the most outgoing person there usually. Oh, okay. It's the person that's fun to be there. If they're not there, it's a little more awkward. I'm still putting you at the kids table. That's fine, that's fine. referee Rob Page, he's a local living legend and all that.

He's texted in to wish us all a happy SummerSlam week. So this is the week leading up to SummerSlam is this Saturday and Sunday? Correct. All right. I don't appreciate that, Rob Page. Happy SummerSlam week to you as well. I wonder what kind of, wait, are we going to get a wrestler in studio? I know we were working at.

We're trying. Okay, so that's nothing yet. Nothing confirmed. Well, if we can't get a wrestler in studio, Rob, are you available to talk SummerSlam? Rob's always available. You're saying he doesn't know much. He called me at 7.30 in the morning on Saturday. Hey, Screech, are you available this week?

What happened? Why did he call you? I guess he was trying to load up the 93X app through like the voice to talk thing. And I must be on his phone as like Dana 93X. So he called me at 7.30 in the morning. I thought somebody was dead. But no, it's just screech couldn't, as you like to call him, Screech couldn't figure out how to work his phone.

It was an accident. Yeah. Oh. What did you guys talk about? I didn't answer. Did you know it was him? Oh, I was sleeping. So then when I saw him, his call, and then I called him back, his phone was off.

I'm like, somebody must be dead. Is there an emergency? But no, it turns out everything's okay. Just Rob can count to three, but he can't work his cell phone. He's a local living legend. He's a, is he retired? Yes. He's a local living legend, a retired wrestling referee.

Not from commentating, though. He still does the commentary for the online streams at first wrestling, but in-ring action, yeah, he's hung up. Oh, my God, he does commentary? Yeah, he does. Is he any good? No. I never watch.

When I watch First Wrestling, I'm at the show. I don't watch the streams online. He's not any good. I haven't met him yet. If, I mean, at 7.30 in the morning, we just had this conversation last week, I think, about how rude some people are with the way they send their text messages out

and their telephone calls at 7 a.m. on a Saturday or Sunday. And I know it was an accident, but I'll just say this, and only local wrestling fans will understand. If that would have been Lenny Lane, I would have picked up the phone at 730, but not Rob Page. If that would have been Ken Anderson, I would have picked up the phone. ODB, I would have picked up the phone, but not Rob, not screech. Happy SummerSlam week to everybody.

I'm sure there's plenty of our listeners who are loading up. And you know what? As we go along this week, I will tell you about SummerSlam related events going on in town because there's lots going on, lots of wrestling shows. You mentioned first wrestling. They got this and that going on. I think, Josh, with your frail little body, I mean, you never know what they're looking for. Television wrestling these days, Josh, there's all types.

You got your big massive, you know, Brian Cage type character all the way down to your tiny little... Now I can't think of a smaller wrestler. Hornswoggle. Sure. I think there's Josh There's even like tryouts happening in town If you were looking to try out Oh that's cool

Yeah They even have something going on At like my local library They have like We were just talking about how you get that little You know paper in the mail It tells you what's going on in your community Sure

And I haven't I've been meaning to look more into it Because it's so weird to see like You know Kids reading time Family reading time AEW or like First whatever

For what is the question? wrestling? Yeah. And I'm like, wait, what's going on? Why are they doing that at the library? What are they doing at your library? I have to look into it. I'll look into it today and figure it out. Pop-up power bomb seminar? But I was like, what's going on at the library? Pretty cool, though. Yeah, you should go. A Canadian Destroyer seminar? Yeah, I was thinking of going and showing the kids some wrestling for his first time.

Yeah, it'd be awesome. I bet that'd be a lot of fun. All right. There you go. So it's SummerSlam Week, the West the weather is going to be miserable. Movies are loud. Movies are too loud for us. Josh and I look sickly with a t-shirt on. With only a t-shirt on, we look sickly. I remember back in, you know what you look like right now, Josh?

You kind of look like that t-shirt doesn't do you any favors. Yeah, it's a little big. The t-shirt's a little too big, okay? I should have. The neck is a little stretched out and it makes you look even more frail than when I was in 10th grade. I had the hots for this lady and uh well lady I had this hot I had the hots for this uh what do you call it in the business back then um classmate I had the hots for this classmate of mine and uh you know we flirted a little bit in the hallway if I had a class or two with her I'd do my best to impress her right and I thought I had a good thing going with her at one point or another we were kind of jaw jacking in the hallway and I had only worn a t-shirt to school that day. And she kind of eyeballed me up and down.

And I thought, now we're talking. She's checking out my bod, right? She eyeballss me up and down. And she says, do you have a, like a sweatshirt or anything? And I said, well, no, why? And she said, honey, you look ill. Oh, she threw the honey in there. That's terrible.

Yeah. That's so me. You look ill, she said. and she was probably right because I was so damn scrawny with my little t-shirt on my little probably had like a little motley crew t-shirt on or something like that's like

I get it at home that t-shirt's not helping it's a little too big it is too big we got to take a break hang in there today I know it sucks sucks out there when we come back we'll hit up the stupid news here in a few minutes on the half-ass morning show

oh air conditioning the love of my life. Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life. That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play.

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You are a master at the little things. That's how you turn good into great. What does it take to achieve greatness? Whatever it takes I'm willing to do. That's an Emmy Winning performance. How about it? Insight with Chris Van Fleet. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Hell of a deal happened this morning. Broadcasting from inside of a fart. That's what it seems like. If you walk outside, it's just brutal, brutal, awful. A lot of people texting in about what they've got ahead of them this morning in this extreme weather. I think extreme is a decent word for it.

No butthole play Jesus. Here's a guy with rules. He lays it right out there. Pardon the pun, but I can get behind that. I'm with you on that one. No butthole play Jesus says, Can't wait to walk the mail route today. Oh, man.

Another listener taxed it in to say this weather is absurd. It is absurd. Not enough gold bond in the world. But today is his Friday. Well, that's cool. After today, he's off for nine days. he wants us to wish him luck the time off that's headed his way is because he's loaded up for vasectomy good luck to you bro you get the frozen peas on your crotch for a while that'll help in

weather like some of those go sideways no no no you're going to be fine some of them don't work so well though i think it's weird that they tell you right cubby i have i've never heard that in my life okay sometimes that happens It's kind of weird, though, that people who have it talk about how often they have to, or how many times you have to clear the cannon before you're good to go? Yeah, it's unsettling. I think a buddy of mine told me it was like 50. Maybe he just threw in some so he'd have permission.

Yeah, he just wanted to jack out 50 times. It could be that. You might be on to something. 50. But yeah, you've got to clear everything out, I guess. That'd be weird to have a doctor-prescribed masturbation. Yeah. I mean, you know, and my wife and I went through fertility stuff,

so there's some encouragement there, but I've never had a doctor prescribe it necessarily. Well, you tried to get a doctor to give you a handjob once. You want to tell that story again? Well, I thought he was offering. It's gross, but I had a thing going on, and the doctor's like, well, he's like, all right, we're going to have to. Well, first off, you're standing naked in front of the doctor, correct?

Or at least bottomless. Porky pig. You're bottomless. I don't know how to describe this without being super disgusting, but basically the words a professional doctor use, So this is doctory, I should be able to say it. He's like, all right, well, we're going to have to milk your penis, right, to see what's going on. What do you do?

That's that word? That's exactly what he said. That's weird. Like I said, it's gross. Because he wanted to see if there was something that shouldn't be there, right? I don't know why we're going after the guy. I mean, I think he came up with a pretty middle of the road way to describe what was expected of you. Basically like.

Right? What else is he supposed to say? We need to make you see, the C word? No, it wasn't said. He just said ejaculate. No, that wasn't it. Sorry, to be very clear. He said. It was basically like, all right, if there's anything left in the tube of toothpaste,

let's just squeeze that out, right? You follow me there? Like ringing something out. Yeah, I think he did his best. At any rate, what did you do when he said, we're going to need to milk your penis? Now, keep in mind, I was a, I don't know, I was a teenager at this point. I didn't get it.

I didn't know what was going on. He's the doctor. So I just kind of pushed my crotch towards him. You offered it to him. Yeah, he's the doctor. I'm like, here you go. I kind of just pushed it. Here we go.

And he's like, no, no, not me, you. Right. I felt a fool. I love that moment. Is that, I mean, you're kept awake by a lot of what you assumed to be past. What's the word I'm looking for? embarrassing moments. You are tortured by, oh, God, I can't believe I said that.

Oh, I can't believe I did that. Is that at the top of your list? Actually, I forgot about that one. You had forgotten about that one? Yeah, it was pretty embarrassing. Yeah. It was a misunderstanding. That's bad, dude.

You know, it sucks is he probably went back to the break room and told everybody in the break room. Oh, 100%. And when he went home, he told his family about it. He told the next guy that came in, even. 6510-7-15, Jesus. wants to know, Josh, if you're aware, that's not where milk comes from. You're aware of that, right?

Well, now I know. I think the term the doctor used was pretty clever on his part. Try not to be too... I just can't believe you pushed it his way. You said, here you go, pal. Yeah, take this. All right. I'm paying for this.

One of our listeners is off after today for nine days to get a vasectomy. Good luck to you, brother. Let's start up today's report. He's doing it early. I mean, or late, I guess. They always say it's over March Madness. You've got a lot of stuff to watch. I wonder if he's got a watch list that's a mile long.

You can just sit there and catch up on movies and stuff. This isn't really what has become the traditional time of year to get yourself a vasectomy. Like Josh said, a lot of folks do it. Specifically men do it around the time of that college basketball tournament. All right. Bacon and vodka. Have you ever tried that flavor combo? I have not.

This gal right here, I'll tell you, from what I'm reading, this gal really loves both bacon and vodka. She does. She's a 39-year-old gal from out there in California. She goes by the name of Cheney. It's a pretty name. The cops had to go ahead and apprehend Cheney because she snatched. up some bacon and vodka from a couple of grocery stores without first paying for it. And F me running, she really loaded up.

Just throwing like a brunch at her house. Screwdrivers and a bacon. One store in particular, one store in particular caught her red-handed. Sheenay was hiding 14 packs of that eye. Oscar Meyer brand, thick cut bacon, and she had six handles of Tito's vodka in her big, fat-ass, giant oversized purse. Oh, I know some of that. Yeah. My future daughter-in-law loves the Tito's vodka.

She making Bloody Mary's? Is it vodka that's in Bloody Mary's? Yes, sir. Or you can put anything, really, but... Just whatever you got. Now it's more of a meal than a drink. All that, like, tequila in their Bloody Mary's. Oh, gross.

14 packs of Oscar Meyer, thick-cut bacon, six big old bottles of Tito's vodka in her purse. She just ran smooth off. The grocery staff saw all that bacon and vodka in her purse. And when Cheney saw them and they saw her, she ran like the damn wind. I like picturing that. To make eye contact, like, wait, wait a minute. What do you do it? It's like, oh, you see me and I see you?

That's when I exit. Then, Chenet, what did she do next? She drove to another store and tried to steal five more packs of bacon and six more bottles of vodka. I mean, here's a gal who knows what she likes and she does not compromise. That second grocery store, a member of the staff, grabbed her around her throat and didn't let go until the police showed up. Now, she's in the county jailhouse. Now, is this just, Josh, a crazy lady doing crazy lady stuff,

or am I missing out on a new online gimmick? Is bacon and vodka the new hot Cheetos and Mountain Dew or something? Am I missing? I don't think so. I'm assuming it's just because the stuff's probably expensive. Oh. Yeah. I mean, it's been a while.

Can get pricey, yep. Outside of a special occasion or a gift, I don't remember the last time I bought any alcohol, really, but. And then bacon, expensive? Yep, it can be. Is that what it is? Every now and then there's a decent sale, but yeah, for the most part, if I go and check out the bacon section,

I'm like, oh, my goodness. This was just a cost-cutting adventure. Is bacon one of those things? It seems like it's universally appreciated. I don't know if I've ever met somebody that doesn't like it. Yeah, that sounds about right. Obviously outside of vegetarians and whatnot. Yeah, I bet they still like it.

Yeah, they're like. They at least like the smell. I don't think I've ever met anybody that doesn't like bacon, Josh. That's a really good point. Well, that was like one of those things, too, where even if you didn't, you had to pretend you liked it. Remember when bacon was such a thing, Nick? Yes, I do. It's like a big, trendy thing.

Yes, I do for a stretch of time. If you didn't have a pack of bacon under one arm and a case of Papp's Blue Ribbon under the other, you were the most uncool cat in town. That sounds like an awesome combo. Yeah, it was just kind of the wrong crowd got a hold of it and made like they had discovered those two products. It was a hipster thing, Ashley. Dude, I feel so dumb right now.

Somebody texted in and they said, I think she's stealing the bacon with the vodka so that she can put the bacon in between the bottles to stop them from banging against each other when they're in her bag. Wait. And then they said, this is how everybody steals vodka. Is it?

That's the most bizarre thought I've heard all day. That's really smart, though. So the bacon was just there as a prop for the vodka? I mean, that makes sense to me. It does? Yeah. It seems like a bit of a stretch. I mean, you could just bring in a couple pair of socks or something.

I mean, just to mute the sound of the bottles clanging together? I don't know. I like it. I like that idea. There's a cup. I mean, yeah, it seems like there's plenty of other things you could use. Right. A lot of people, or it shouldn't say a lot of people, a few people are texting in saying either they or someone they know does not like bacon. Fair enough.

I haven't heard that. That's a space peanut, Jesus. Even married his wife because she's the only other person he's met who agrees. Yes, Josh, I remember the bacon and PBR craze of, oh, I'm going to say the early 2000s. That's my memory of the bacon and PBR craze. And the folks who got a hold of it and wanted to claim it was their discovery. Those were the people who were riding old-timey bicycles down the sidewalk and wearing monocles in their eyes.

Oh, wow. There was the extreme old-timey hipster movement. It was just everywhere. Suddenly, folks were dressing like they had a ticket in their hand to the Titanic. Monocle. Yes. They were headed off, Josh. They were going to cross the ocean on the Titanic.

Have you guys ever seen somebody in person wearing a monocle? Yes. I'm so jealous. Were they cool? It was during this movement we're talking about. I mean, we lived through it, Ashley. We're survivors of that movement. So, yes, we saw grown men in the early 2000s wearing monocles.

That's so crazy. And big, funny looking wool hats and suspenders and trousers and old oversized shoes. Old-timey mustache. Oh, the facial hair was insane, and then they ride away from the bar on a unicycle, and it was just bizarre. That sounds kind of awesome. So folks are texting in on bacon saying there's, for religious reasons, people don't eat it. Sure. But I'm wondering if they could eat it if they'd like it.

It seems like it's universally appreciated. I can't argue with that. I think it's one of the more popular foods a feller could bring up in conversation. I have a friend who can't eat it for religious reasons. but accidentally did. He was told there was no bacon and something and there was, and he said it was pretty awesome. But now, what I will take away from this conversation is there's someone out there

who believes that the bacon was just used as padding for the vodka. That is brilliant. I use it for insulation at my home. Yeah. All right. What is this? Yeah, you know, we can almost never get away with a stupid news episode without having to deal with the derelict. who come from the far southeastern United States.

Bastards. They know who they are and the nonsense that they create. Now, if this sounds familiar, I don't blame you. It's similar to a story we covered a while back. If you remember, there was a pizzeria down that way that would go outside and rake up the dead iguanas off the ground and then use the carcass to make iguana pizzas.

Maybe you remember that. Here's a restaurant. Far southeastern. Maybe it's the same place. I can't say for sure. They're looking for folks in town to swing by their shop with any dead snakes that they can find. And then they'll turn around and put together a snake pizza for you. I think the deal is if you provide the dead snakes, you'll get your snaky pizza pie for free.

There's something going on down there right now called the Python Challenge. It's currently full-blown right now, the Python Challenge. Python hunters are competing to determine who is the greatest python hunter of them all. And I think that's where the pizzeria I was telling you about, that's where they got this idea. Word is the python, specifically the Burmese python, is what they call here an invasive character down there. They eat up neighborhood dogs and such when nobody's. looking. I can't imagine living somewhere where like the invasive species of snakes.

Deadly snakes. I wouldn't enjoy that. I wouldn't enjoy it. I'm good with like having an overpopulation of deer. Everybody wants him killed dead. It's really interesting backstory here if this is true. Pythons, Burmese pythons, started running wild down there after they all escaped from an exotic animal farm that was destroyed. during Hurricane Andrew in 19 and 92.

That's the backstory. They say, this exotic animal farm was plumb full of permise pythons. The hurricane sucked it up into the sky and spit it across town. The pythons escaped. They reproduced like a sum bitch, and now they're everywhere. Had you ever heard that backstory before, Josh? No. I had no idea.

It's crazy that they could reproduce that much where it's become a problem. They're overwhelmed now, they say. For the last 15 years, wildlife officials dumped the green light on this Python challenge bit. It's an annual 10-day competition where hundreds of snake hunters caught loose on a killing spree. Last year, a grand total of 294 snakes were killed dead. Snakes, permise, pythons, all different types of snakes, I think, is what they mean by that. One dude won 10 grand for killing the most. It says here one dude upped and murdered 60 of them.

That's impressive. There were also runner-up prizes for the dude who killed the longest snake. So anyways, the pizza joint by the name of Wild Man's Pizza, Pasta, and Pythons, they're saying bring in your dead snakes. They say, we'll cut them up. We'll spread the pieces over some cheese and dough and marinerer or whatever makes up a pizza. And we'll make you a snakey pie free of charge. They also make iguana pizzas.

I think I'm pretty adventurous, but I don't know. That kind of grosses me out. Both those things. I'd take a bite. Would you try it? Dana says, if there's not pineapple on that pizza, I'm not eating it. It's one of those controversies a little bit overblown. I love pineapple on pizza.

Yeah, I'm really going to turn it down. So good, dude. I'll pick the pineapple off that. Really? Oh, I love it. But I know what you mean where that is divisive. Oh, yeah. That'll get people worked out. People made their whole personality about hating pineapple on pizza.

And also, how often do you encounter that? I don't know. Yeah, really, I haven't encountered it much. Like, I haven't met somebody who I'm like, hey, we're going to order a pizza as a group. And then somebody's like, I need it to have pineapple on it. Right, exactly. Everybody's different. So we've been talking about snakes on a pizza.

We've been talking about bacon. Here's a question from Park and Rec Jesus. Have any of you ever tried pork belly burnt ends? Oh, dude. Yeah, dude, I will eat those up. Yeah, those are awesome. No, I don't think I've ever had pork belly burnt. Nikki would like you.

You're missing out. Well, I'm sure. I've never heard of it. I'm sure I would. I like all kinds of carcass. I wonder if you had and just didn't know it. I have no idea. Where would I have?

Where would I have experienced something like that and been unaware of it? Well, certainly a barbecue restaurant or maybe at a backyard barbecue. Somebody served it and you didn't know? It could be. It's never come out of my mouth. I've never said, I'll take the pork belly burnt ends, but I'm sure I would enjoy it. It's good stuff. Oh, dude, now I really want some.

It sounds so good. It sounds amazing. I want that, and I want to eat my weight and brisket right now, too. Oh, yep. And cornbread. I told you many, many, many decades ago. Probably three decades ago now, Cubby. One of my beer league softball player teammates

got thrown out of a tournament for calling the ump pork belly. He was just hammered off his ass. I like that. He had stayed up 24 hours drinking. It's one of those out-of-town beer league softball tournaments. Played two games on Friday. D drank ourselves sideways. Got a few hours sleep.

Woke up the next morning we were camping. woke up and our third baseman was still sitting around the fire. What are you doing, bro? He'd been up all night drinking. We had a game like at noon that day, so he was completely just a trash barrel for game one. He could barely stay on his feet. And at one point or other, the umpire called a strike on him

that he didn't approve of. And he said, whatever you say, pork belly. That's mean. I'd never heard that before. And he was thrown out of the game. And then we found him asleep on the side of 169. You know the story. All right, continuing this food-related thing we got going,

a restaurant owner who makes his living in South Korea. That peckerhead is in deep trouble with local law enforcement for serving folks a dish dripping with ants. Oh, dude, I don't know. This is probably so stupid. I don't know why I'm telling you this, guys. I just got excited, but I was going on a walk the other day. And unlike the curb, I've never seen. seen that many ants in one place in my life.

Like there had to be at least like a thousand of them. It was insane. My back patio has that problem. Oh my God. And don't get cute with my back patio. What are they doing there? And then it was kind of funny because they were like red ants. And then here came this black ant and he came like up in their business.

And then he was like trying to dodge all of them because they were trying to massacre him. My property has a problem with ants. Oh, I'm so sorry. There will be mornings that we will look out. down to the back patio and there'll be a million of them about six inches high. I don't know what they're doing. Yeah. Oh, it's something about what my...

You should burn them with your torch or whatever you have. Something about the setup I have there. It's very welcoming to ants. Sorry, it was that dark. What? I said you should burn them with your torch. And Chuck said, oh boy. She wants you to take them out.

Sorry, was that too dark? No, that's like napalm them. That sounds fun. Okay, so dude in South Korea, what did I say? South Korea? Where is he? Yes. He is in trouble with the law for serving folks a meal covered in ants.

Now normally is how you say it, normally serving ants for dinner, especially in a faraway place like South Korea, normally that ain't no thing. And it's not just South Korea. There are restaurants all over the world that'll cook up all types of bugs and whatnot. They're goofy like that. They think that makes them cute and original. They'll cook up grasshoppers. and June bugs and big juicy worms and cockroaches. I guess what's screwed this here restaurant in South Korea is this.

There are apparently 10 different styles of insect that are approved for consumption under Korean law. The ants that this restaurant was selling to folks was not one of those 10 approved bugs. Could you guys eat bugs? Probably not. You know, I know they say yeat. however many bugs a year, 100 pounds of bugs. That's like protein or whatever? Right.

I don't think I could do it on purpose. I had a cricket before, but not like a live one. It's like, you know, the little thing you get from the candy store or whatever, they have them up there in the front. Like, ha-ha, be crazy. You give me a plate full of fried bugs or something. No, I'm likely to leave that bee. It took me a while to even eat, as a kid,

ants on a log or grasshopper pie, because I assumed maybe there was something true to both of those. You didn't like the verbiage. Nope. So word is this restaurant would pour a big pile of ants over the top of a couple scoops of sorbet, whatever that is. But because of this nonsense, somebody, the guy who runs this restaurant, he might have to do a year in, how do they call it, Josh, the Korean cooler. They're taking this very serious. Yeah, I don't think it's worth it.

He wasn't paying attention. I don't think. I think he did not pay attention to that list of 10 approved insects, he just thought he'd go for it, and now he's in trouble. A food truck over there in the state of Indiana has been banned. Says here, Indiana state officials have told a certain food truck to stay away from people until they clean up their gimmick. The name of the truck is Smash Daddy's hamburgers

And the slogan on the side of the vehicle says You'll love our meat in your mouth I mean that's not that uncommon right You hear stuff like that Especially from people who sell meat Yeah my husband Since he's in meat sales He has some one-liners like that

You can't beat my meat. Only my wife can I laugh every time Sure I hear the cute slogans But not all of them are printed on the side of a meat truck Or what do you call it? Sorry, not all of them are printed on the side of a food truck The food truck owner is pissed

That he's been banned He goes by the name of Sims, I believe He's accused those state officials of censorship So Some state official type of character sent the food truck folks in electronic mail telling them that they had received, quote, several complaints about their silly blowjob slogan. The rule here forever was if it would go over the head of a seven-year-old,

remember that, Nick? That's what they used to tell us, you're safe. Yeah. There's no seven-year-old or younger that's going to understand that reference, unless they're the coolest kid in school. Yeah. They would have to be pretty cool. So anyway, you know how this stuff goes.

They're arguing back and forth. The food truck guy against Sims, I think is the name. He says, hey, I've been using that slogan for a long time. And he said he could count on one hand the number of complaints he's heard over the last 20 years. He said two specific groups recently objected to the slogan. Okay, fine, I'll admit it, he said. There were two groups who recently got mad at me. One was a Christian school, like where Cubby grew up.

The other group was the state government. That's the other group, I guess, who approached him. I don't know what that means exactly. He said the school's concern, these little Christian school kids, he said, that I understood, but the state's decision, he says, is ridiculous. There's talk here about First Amendment implications and this and that. Food truck guy says if they can't operate, he'll lose out on thousands of dollars.

Earthquake Jesus said there's a food truck called the G spot. A few people now are texting in on this. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're familiar with this one? It says once you find it, you'll never forget it. There you go. That's clever. Cute.

I like that kind of stuff. I really like this kind of stuff. I think it's fun. So, again, the food truck owner guy says we make burgers and hot dogs. So you'll love our meat in your mouth. But some people, he says, took it the wrong way. No, wait a minute. So is he claiming he meant nothing provocative with that slogan?

That sounds that way with that comment. I mean, come on. That was on purpose. Everybody knows that was on purpose. Yes, he's claiming, hey, you'll love our meat in your mouth. That's all I'm saying is that we have delicious hamburgers. Yeah, come on. I mean, don't be ridiculous about it.

Yeah, yeah. We're not stupid. Nobody talks that way otherwise. I mean, I don't want to see the guy lose business or anything like that. I have no problem. You could put something much dirtier on a food truck in my neighborhood, and I wouldn't complain. But don't act like, oh, no, I'm just talking about the flavor in our... Come on, dude.

It's easy enough to change if he has to. You just change mouth to butt, and then nobody has a problem. You'll love our meat in your butt. Problem over. So I guess this is just simply coming down to this, Josh. What would you do if you were the food truck owner? It sounds like he has to choose how badly he's bonded. to that one silly blowjob joke.

Yeah. I mean, personally... Great publicity for him so far, right? It is. That is great. If it were me, I mean, I'd be upset, but I think I'd just, okay, take the slogan out of there, fine. We'll just...

Is he willing to lose all that money over a blowjob joke? I don't know. I wonder if you can just put something over the word mouth and just leave it there. It's the same thing, right? Pretty much. I wonder if that would be some sort of sort of loophole. Yeah.

Oh, like put some black tape over it? So it just says you'll love our meat and your dot, dot, dot. You could think fridge, freezer, hand. It could be as innocent as you want. You're right? I bet if the guy sat down, took a half hour, I bet he could find a slogan just as catchy and interesting without any references to oral sex. I bet he could.

So, I mean, it just depends on how stubborn he is. Sports on the 93 eggs half-assed morning show. There you go. Now's a hell of a weekend. We got a lot to cover when Randy Schaber and Bradrider swing in here in about a half hour for now. I'll just let you in on this. The twins won a series, won another series.

They have been relatively steady with that. They had a little hiccup with the Chicago Cubs and what happened. I can't remember there was a series in there. But they're back to winning. And all that matters, to just win these series, and they did. They beat the Sacramento Athletics yesterday, 11 to 8, so they took two out of three.

They got a day off today. So they're still right effing there. I think they're one game out of the, what do they call it, the wild card? One game out? Not bad. Yeah. Fregan stupid, as Brad Ryder referred to him last week,

numb nuts. LeBron James signed a contract. He's been hired by the Philadelphia 76ers, Josh. That's his final decision. He called it his final decision. Tony Romo could use a ride home. We'll cover that. No kidding.

He looked gleeful in that mugshot, though. He's having a good time. He was at just the perfect level. Yeah. Oh, hey, he was probably like, oh, I made new friends. This is great. Tony Romo could use a ride home. We'll tell you what that means in about a half hour.

Before we go, a couple of stories, a couple of topics we covered earlier. We had a story in the stupid news report about a guy who got in trouble. He runs a restaurant. He got in trouble for serving ants to his customers. I mean, you probably are thinking, well, there's a lot of joints out there that serve insects and whatnot. You're right. It's just he served an aunt that was not approved. There were like 10 insects.

This is South Korea. 10 insects that you can serve to people at restaurants. The ants that he served folks was not one of those 10 approved insects. So now he's in trouble. People have been texting anything about ants, Josh. What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles. Uncle's.

And an update real quick on a couple of rock concerts over the weekend. We did a lot of jaw jacking last week about that White Lion show, Mike Tramp, lead singer. is about all that's left of the original White Lion, but he still calls the band White Lion. They appeared over the weekend in Monaga, Minnesota. A couple people have texted in and said, Mike still sounds great, and the show was wonderful. That's great.

That's good to hear. And there was another listener who saw Night Ranger over the weekend at the casino. I'm not sure which casino he means, maybe the fancy schmancy one that we've been talking about a lot. But he saw a Night Ranger over the weekend and said Brad Gillis was incredible on the guitar, had a great time. Love to hear that. I wish Jeff Watson was still in the band.

Of course, I'm an old school night ranger guy. It's not quite the same without Jeff Watson. That'd be cool. But Brad Gillis, worth the price of admission. Glad you enjoyed the show. We've got to take a break. Josh has some more news for you here in a few minutes. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.

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They're gross, they're offensive, and kids on the road see them. Half-assed morning show. I told my husband, I think we actually have to get rid of this car. There's no way we can drive it. The inside smells like a barn. If you thought your morning drive was hot garbage. You guys smell like a barn. Communitors on Highway 62 near Minneapolis and Richfield have you beat.

The morning drive on Highway 62 near the Minneapolis, Richfield area, was considerably crappier than usual last week. After an unsavory spill transformed the Thursday morning commute into, a sweltering rancid nightmare, turning a routine stretch of asphalt into a Hershey Highway. What was it? Dead bodies? Poop. A lot of poop. A massive pulsating wave of liquefied manure flooded across the roadway near 28th Avenue, coating the asphalt in a thick bubbly blanket of reeking bile-tinted butt paste.

MnDOT traffic cameras captured the full stomach-turning spectacle from the initial splatter of farm-fresh bowels to the baked-down crust left behind. Unsuspecting commuters were filmed plowing straight through the warm, gooey slurry. Some cars fish-tailed and slid as their tires lost traction on the road turds. That stuff can get slippery. One van churned through a deep poop pool, unleashing a towering majestic wave of frothy defecate, which violently plastered the windshield and body of an innocent passing vehicle. A Mendat spokesperson confirmed the gag-inducing feces stew forced officials to temporarily detour traffic.

Well, a brave water tanker crew was brought in to power wash the pavement. For the unlucky commuters who drove through the vial mixture, the fragrant reminders of farm life could linger on in their vehicles, assaulting their nostrils for days to come. As of Friday night, the mystery driver who unleashed the massive deluge of horrific bile- smeared intestinal slush had not been identified. So there was an overturn or he just... Some sort of spill.

Spilsky? I guess so. Well, that sounds awful. Yeah, as you heard in the opening clip I mean there's some people saying well We're just gonna have to sell this car There's not enough detailing we can do to get rid of the smell It's actually the exit I take to get to my house

And thankfully I didn't drive through it But you could tell it was quite odiferous Oh you could still smell it up Yeah anybody on a motorcycle Oh no That could do some damage Is it weird that I kind of like the smell of barn? No no

barn no I don't think we're talking about barn Just the poop out of the barn No we I know what you mean And that's I know what you mean There's there's something about That smell

I mean it's not great But it's also at the same time Not terrible Yeah there's something there Yeah there's certain smells Some people don't like gasoline Or things like that yeah I love tar

Do you guys like the smell of tar? Yeah Friday night 930 p.m. He was supposed to showcase world-class circus artistry at the Orange County Fair in New York. Instead, a stray arrow to the torso sent one performer taking a helicopter ride rather than a bow. An arrow to the bow. According to police, the act was supposed to be standard as far as a little bit of high-stakes showmanship.

One genius shoots an arrow at a foam target being held by a second, impressively trusting genius. But Archer number one somehow missed the judge. piece of foam and nailed archer number two instead. Damn. The Farrer's website boasts the newly added Big Top Circus features breathtaking aerobatics, daring aerial performances, and world-class circus artistry, notably forgetting to mention the arterial spray. The good news is the fleshy dartboard was airlifted to a local hospital where they were

in stable condition. I suppose that's the, how do I say this? risks of the gig. That's part of the appeal of watching it, right? Yeah. Just in case something dangerous happens. That'd be crazy to see that in person. I would lose my mind. I would assume it was set up. Yeah, you would think maybe they were putting you on. I bet that's not the first air hole that's been made in that individual if this is what they've been doing for years. You see what I'm saying? He's probably taking a few other arrows over the years. Yeah, if I was guy number two, I'd be pretty pissed at guy number one and I might not work with that person again.

Or I definitely have to be guy number one. I'm the one holding the bow. Yeah, let me do the shooting. If it's at 6 a.m. and you're making a margarita in a stranger's kitchen you just broke into, you might have a drinking problem, or you're in Florida, which is the case here. A Jupiter, Florida resident was tossed in the clink Thursday after barging into a neighbor's house for a quick lime slicing and tequila chugging session while wearing a towel on his head. The victim woke about 6.30 a.m. to hear her dogs barking nonstop.

She grabbed a gun and headed downstairs, only to lock eyes with an uninvited guest, 30-year-old Jeffrey Bartamus, who began making his way toward the back door. Bartimus offered a polite apology before hopping her back fence, towel still snugly wrapped around his head. Strangely, he lives right down the street. Right before his unauthorized early morning cocktail hour and weird spa day, he tried opening her front door while clutching a six-pack of beer. Finding the backsliding door unlocked, he let himself in and got to work. Police say he raided her vodka and tequila, leaving behind open bottles,

a freshly sliced lime and a knife on the kitchen counter. A police canine tracked Bartamus back to his house and down the block. Bartemus! Officers confronted him. He insisted he'd been sleeping all morning, right after eating breakfast and pounding a few cold ones, and swore he never stepped foot into his neighbor's house. Upon being told he was under arrest, he threw a fit, refused to get into the patrol car,

and had to be yanked inside by officers. Well, that's not right. Yeah, he either started the party earlier, I'd imagine he just kept going all night. Well, the fact that he took the time to cut up a lime for his margarita, too. That much of a junkie there, he needed the lime garnish as well. He's bougie. He's bougie.

He's boozy. Where does lettuce, go for a drink. The salad bar. If you're not currently behind the wheel operating heavy machinery and can manage it without endangering humanity, close your eyes for a moment.

Now picture all the times you've masturbated before. What's wrong with you? Why would you picture that? It's gross. Out of all of your historical handiwork, I'd like to think this level of private jam sessions not on the list, because

as it definitely should, this kind of sinful self-service will land you behind bars. A Minnesota man was arrested after he was spotted going to third base with himself at a youth baseball game. Oh my gosh. Christ. On Tuesday, Hibbing police got a report about a guy allegedly fonding his 72-year-old meat bat at Bennett Park.

He was like he was penetrating himself? How does it still work at that age? He was masturbating. Pills, perhaps? Wow. Pills perhaps. Again, a youth baseball game is being played while he's masturbating. Yeah.

officers identified the Louisville Tugger who naturally denied that is doing anything wrong. But unfortunately for him, witness statements and actual photographic evidence allegedly backed up the thoroughly disgusting report. Somebody got out the cell phone, huh? Took a picture. Yeah, they've got evidence. One witness told police the suspect used a newspaper to conceal the act, presumably the politics section, where everyone already expects to be aft anyway. The senior citizen has then been charged with felony.

indecent exposure. Perhaps unsurprisingly, charging documents reveal this isn't his first time getting caught with his pants down. He has a string of indecent exposure convictions dating back to 2000. He's the neighborhood jacker offer. Sounds that way, allegedly. His most recent conviction was from almost exactly two years ago for masturbating in a target parking lot.

Stop it, dude. Put it away. What is, uh, why is he still running around town? I, you think that. If they just caught him a year ago, whipping off at Target. I'm with you on that one. Isn't there somewhere as we can put this guy? Yeah, someplace that...

The guy needs to whip it. I guess so. There's plenty of private places you could do that. Let's give him a room in a facility where he's free to do that all by himself. Or just another talking to, like, hey, wherever you live, do it there, man. Don't have people around. Pretty good ballgame, though. I bet it's a pretty good ball game.

I guess so. He's pretty excited about it. Close game. Minnesota doesn't hold a monopoly on bizarre, late-in-life public exposure. A 66-year-old Tennessee woman decided a standard traffic stop needed a little extra razzle. She started stripping down for nearby drivers during the interaction. Here we go, boys. Tuesday night, officers pulled a car over after noticing the passenger wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

The stop turned out to be more than a routine clicket or ticket. A canine alerted officers to the presence of a potential rolling farm While cops were investigating, the 66-year-old passenger was pulled from the vehicle, at which point she decided to start flashing passing motorists. Turns out exposing a lifetime's worth of wrinkles and gravity's heavy toll wasn't the getaway strategy she thought it was. Officers were entirely unimpressed by the saggy spectacle and ended up finding suspected cocaine and drug paraphernalia on both the exhibitionist grandma and her 68-year-old male driver. Both Golden Year's delinquents were arrested without incident and charged with multiple offenses. Unless you got a little fresh, huh? I guess so.

Grandma just decided, hey, take a look. Turns out laughing at the movies can now land you in the ER. At least if you're sharing a theater with a total lunatic in South Florida, what was supposed to be your average night at the movies in Coconut Grove turned into an absolute circus when a 24-year-old woman and her friends had the audacity to laugh at, at a scene that was supposed to be funny. The guy sitting in the row ahead apparently decided their joy was a personal

offense to his delicate ears, so he stood up and marched over to confront them. Uh-uh. I would beat his ass. And thus began a cautionary tale about how sometimes laughter is no laughing matter. Something happening in the movie, and we are laughing like, ha-ha-ha-ha, and he

said, um, shut the fuck up, B. Cell phone video. He said, shut the F up, bitch. Oh, she said was ha-ha-ha. I love her so much. And, you know, we understand the concept of laughing. She did not need to explain that part, but it was cute. She's helping the story.

Shut the F-up bitch, she said. Then what happened? Cell phone video caught the idiocy that followed, including the guy slapping the woman across the face with a pizza pan before hurling pizza slices into the air like an enraged toddler having a concession stand meltdown. Saying, I want to try away all your foot. And I say, do it. And he do it, but I never think he's going to get a tray and hit me on my face and broke my finger.

Having successfully assaulted a stranger with cinema snacks, the guy didn't run. He casually strolled right back to his seat to finish his movie, apparently convinced nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. He hit me and he goes to him sit and sit it like nothing. And he said like cheers. The victim's friend snapped a photo of him before calling security, but by the time the cop show. showed up, the pizza pan ninja was long gone. The victim ended up at the hospital with a fractured finger, a bruised cheek, and an eye injury all over a laugh.

She said she's just thankful. Her friend caught the whole absurd sequence on video, which is now in the hands of the Miami Dead, uh, date that is police department's assault unit. I kind of love her. She's cute. Yeah. I like her style. I like her delivery.

You know, I was laughing. You know how that goes like, ha, ha, ha. You guys have heard a laugh. And then here comes the dude. And he's like, you know, blah, blah, blah. Then he hit me with the pizza pan. It was like that. I broke my finger.

It sounded like this. He broke my finger with like that kind of a thing. A British cyclist who reported a motorist for bad driving ended up getting fined himself. After his own footage caught him riding like a wanker. It's a classic case of cyclist versus karma, proving you swin some, you lose some. Feeling pretty huffy about a driver he felt past too close,

the Leeds base Limey got his knickers in a twist and uploaded a video of the West Yorkshire Police Social Media Portal for driving offenses. And that backfired spectacularly. Upon reviewing the footage, police noticed the cyclist was actually riding without due care and attention as he squeezed past a parked car toward an oncoming vehicle. In fact, a police spokesperson noted the distance the cyclist gave was significantly less than the clearance given by the very car he narked on. it ended up being an expensive self-owned. Narked on. The bitter Brit was ordered to pay a Bloody King's ransom and fines and court costs, totaling more than $1,500 U.S.

Did you ever nark on anybody, Josh? Maybe, only if it was deserved, I guess. You think of a time where you narked on somebody? No, not really narked on somebody. Usually I'm pretty forgiving. Can you think of sometime you narked on something? Would it be considered narked the, would it be considered narked the, concerned you had about the guy in your driveway on an iPad?

Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah. There was a time that I narked, looked out my window, and all I saw was the glowing face of a stranger in my driveway. And I had absolutely no idea what I was looking at, just this glowing face. And I stared a little longer, and I thought, okay, he's looking at a computer screen, like he's holding a computer up to his chest,

like a personal laptop. And he's staring at something. And it made his head glow. So I called the police. Not 911. I called the regular number. And I said, can somebody swing by here?

I don't understand what's going on. There's some dude in my dream. This is like midnight on a Tuesday night. Can you get someone to swing by? I don't know what's going on. Cop swung by. I saw the cop get out of the car and have a conversation with the guy. And the guy walked away.

The cop called my phone. And he said the cop was already kind of chuckling. I said, what's happening? He said, yeah, the dude's stealing your Wi-Fi. I love it. And I didn't know what that meant. I said, what does that mean? What do you mean?

Stealing, I don't understand the... And apparently, the guy was trying to watch a movie. I was going to guess he was watching some real shady porn. No, it was, you know, I don't know, your latest Bruce Willis action flick or something. Anyway, that's what he was doing. The cop told him to go somewhere else and watch his movie on, you know, not on private property. I'd imagine this is probably the case now in a lot of different cities, but for us, there is no non-emergency. At least there wasn't, last time I looked it up, there's no non-emergency number.

So if you just want to narc on somebody for riding their bike too fast by your house or something. When did this happen? When did the non-emergency number go away? Well, at least in our city a long time ago. I mean, close to as long as I've been there, I think. So that'll keep you from narking. You don't want to call 911 because somebody kind of half parked on your lawn. Well, last summer I had to call 911 because somebody, a stolen car was abandoned on my driveway. And it was still running, too, by the way.

Yeah. And I'd try to call the non-emergency one. And they basically were like, we'll get back to you by like next Wednesday. And I go, okay, I think I need to call the real 911. Yeah, what? I don't want this stolen running car blocking my garage door. What? How long did it take for somebody to come?

grab that. It was a couple hours. Oh, it was okay. For some reason I thought it took longer. I remember you sent me a photo with that. Right. It was real, real sketch. And the guy, the cop gets out and he puts on two pairs of gloves. I go, yeah, that's probably a smart call. He double-gloved that one. He doubled it. Somebody might have been beating their meat in there. Oh, yeah. He went through the trunk and it was pretty gross. Oh, geez. The one time I ever, or I guess maybe there's been more times I'm not thinking of, but specifically like I felt like such a narc, but I felt like I was kind of maybe saving lives. I called on somebody like a suspected drunk driver

when I was on my way to work. The dude was swerving like crazy and I was like, nah, no, no, no, I got to call somebody about this. Bet people phoned your car in on your way into work before Ashley. I thought about that. So I guess at one point or another, we've all been a narque.

And that's okay. Yeah, I think... Just trying to do the right thing. The older you get, the more... Narking? I think I'm going to narque, right? I don't remember the last... It's been a while since I've narked.

I've thought about narking, but I haven't. Former Yankee and current Timberwolf owner who let J.Lo slip through his fingers, Alex Rodriguez, 51 today. Bridesmaids and former S&L star Maya Rudolph, 54. Lots of letters in this one. WWE CEO H-H-H-H-57. Blue-collar comedy tour regular Bill Ingval is 69. And 26 years ago, he tried to sue Yahoo for trademark infringement. Albert Einstein and Young Einstein, Yahoo!

73. Is he really 73? My goodness. I don't remember that dude at all. Yeah, who's serious? Oh, I thought you were going to have... I mean, I remember the... I thought that was a character name.

That's his... It's not his real name. Well, of course not. I think his real name's Greg, but that was like his Hollywood name. Yeah, like carrot head. Yeah, I thought... Carrot head. Oh, carrot.

His head is on the top. I mean, that is like just a vague pull on your part, Josh. So the dude who was... I'm going to go along with it. Okay, good. Happy birthday to ammo making Jesus and fuel holler Jesus, and that's 93x News. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder

on the half-ass morning show. Randy Shaver and Brad Ryder join us at this time. Hello and welcome, gentlemen. Good morning. Good morning. Nice to have you back. Oh, you know, we're going to go ahead and start things off on a sad note. because a truly unique and legendary character here in town has left us far too soon, and I know both of you were familiar with the guy. John Anderson, long time and all-time great.

Golden Gopher baseball coach, John Anderson, has died at only 71 years old. The most successful coach in Big Ten baseball history and a beloved guy here in town. I'm surprised to read, he was only 71 years. old. Yeah. I've got a lot to say about John, so I might let Randy go first. No, you know what, Brad? I'll just let you take it.

Go ahead. Well, I, forgive me if I get a little bit long-winded here. There's some really life-changing type of thing that John was a part of in my life. I traveled with gopher baseball in the spring when I worked at the U of M. And sort of off with kind of a lighter story, I guess, before a road trip to Indiana back in 1995. someone who I worked with at the OVM who went to school at Indiana said, you should meet up with my friend Sarah while you're there. She's in school at Indiana, and John overheard this.

And telling me, Brad, you should call her, Brad, you should call her. And so Friday night after our game, he said, I'll be your wingman if you call her, and we can go meet her at a bar somewhere. So John and I went out that night after the game. And long story short, this Sarah girl, well, I married our 18 months later, and we've been together 30-plus years now. So John was with me the night I met my wife. What a wingman.

He was your wingman. Wow, that's an incredible story. Yeah, and then later in life, obviously, after we had kids, and he invited my son to be there. That boy, when my son was only six years old, and for the next six seasons, my son got to be with the team at all the home games, and they even took him on road trips, too,

and I entrusted John to look after my young son on the road and never thought twice about it. He was close with you and your family. Yeah, he was. I could keep going and talk about how, you know, my former boss at the Twins, Dave, St. Peter, told me, he said, when I was a finalist for that job, for the PR job with the Twins, he said, you know, John Anderson would call me every day during the interview process and keep reminding me that I needed to hire you. So, I mean, John was one of a kind, but he was, yeah, I was very close to John, and it was, I've had a hard time the last few days when you grips with this. What was it that led to his passing? He had a massive heart attack at his home Thursday, I believe.

And his wife, Jan, did CPR on him before the paramedics arrived. And then the paramedics did CPR on him for another hour before they took him to the hospital. And he never regained consciousness at the hospital. They knew he was in the air straits when he got there and did a number of tests, you know, over, over the next day or so and found that there was no brain activity. And so they kept him alive on a ventilator for a while because his last very selfless act of his life was he apparently had wanted to donate a bunch of organs if he was able to.

And so they had to, they had a lot of his family come into town and basically say goodbye to him over the last 24 hours of his life. And then they transported him to the U of M yesterday afternoon so that they could begin harvesting some of his organs and then they said goodbye to him there. What's even harder to take learning that it was so sudden? I was under the impression that maybe he had been sick

for a while. No. No, I had, I was texting with him about a week and a half ago. He and I had lunch set up for sometime on a date in August coming up because we hadn't seen each other in a while. And I hadn't seen him probably embarrassingly too long considering how close I was with them. And so we were texting about two and a half, two weeks ago about getting together

for lunch in August, and it was the last I'd heard from him. Well, we're very sorry for your loss, Bradrider. Thank you. And to have it happen so suddenly like that, like I said, I was under the impression when a 71-year-old, especially a guy who was involved in sports his entire life, and I presumed that he must have been a fairly fit 71-year-old. I thought maybe he had been sick. Yeah, he was. Yeah. 49 years with the Golden Gopher baseball program, and the list of accomplishments is endless.

I mean, the winningest coach in Big Ten history, the 20th all-time winning his coach in Division I college baseball history, winning seasons in 38 of his 43 years as head coach, started in 1974 as a pitching coach, as a player, and then an injury pretty much cashed in his. career as a player, became the youngest head coach in the history of Big Ten baseball at 26 years old in 1981

and retired just two years ago. Truly incredible, legendary all-time stuff. All of those things are awesome and amazing, but if you noted, the whole time I talked, I never talked about baseball or sports at all. I mean, he was

as much of a decorated coach as he was on the field, he was an amazing friend and an amazing man off the field too. That's great to know. Yeah, sounds that way. Great to know. At least 25 of his former players reached the big leagues. And the University of Minnesota has had a player drafted every year since 1988.

I've heard so many stories over the years about this guy. And like Brad was saying, not only his abilities as a leader, but just his personality and the type of character that he was. Sad to hear that he had to go so soon. The last thing else is, you know, if I could wish one thing that could have happened in Minnesota sports for me personally, nor the last 20 or 30 years,

it wouldn't have been a Viking Super Bowl or NBA championship. For me, personally, it would have been that he could have let it go for baseball team to Omaha to the College World Series because that was something he really, really, really wanted to do. That would have been incredible. Yeah.

That would have been great. Oh, wow. Others are texting in now who have had a personal connection with John Anderson over the years. Oh, I'll be damned. One of my old beer league hockey and beer league softball teammates, Ozzy. Yeah, I, sorry Ozzie. I had forgotten because Ozzie had told me stories over the years about John Anderson. His son was a bat boy.

Ozzie's son was a bat boy for four years. and Ozzy says John was a very important person in our lives as well. So many memories rest in peace. He sent me a couple of pictures of his son. Jesus, Ozzy, how'd you make such a good-looking kid? Ozzy has sent me a picture of his son with an autographed John Anderson, Jersey, a picture of John with Ozzy's son right here. I could tell you some stories about Ozzy on the side,

but I don't think he wants them broadcasting. That's great. I mean, obviously, what's great is there are a few people texting in saying they knew John, they loved him, saying, echoing what you have said, Brad. Not only was he one of the greatest coaches you could ever ask for, but he was just a super individual. Yeah. Well, Brad did a great job of talking about John. I also think Patrick Royce wrote a fabulous article about John that's in the Star Trip today. And one of the things that struck me, and I've interviewed John probably five or six times over the course of my time at care, always delightful, always just very accommodating and honest.

But in reading Royce's article, this paragraph stuck out to me. Molider was on the team that went to the college world series in 1977, the last gopher team to ever go to the college world series. First of all, think about that. It's been 50 years that the gopher teams. That's why John probably was so wanted to do that so badly because I think John was the student manager on that team in 1977. and Royce writes that the players voted for an MVP for that year and it was John Anderson, the student manager. And I think that says a lot about, you know, who John was becoming.

You know, he wasn't the manager then. He wasn't coaching gopher baseball then. He was just starting out his life as a young person. and that's how much they thought of him. So it's not surprising that John led the life that he did. He certainly, if you talk to former gopher baseball players, and I've had quite a few play in my golf event, and I've known a few, they rave about John,

much like Brad did of the kind of person that he was. It's a very sad day because he was way too young. he's had so much influence on so many things baseball and people related and certainly had a lot of opportunity to even make even more of an impact with people. So it's too bad that he's not going to be able to do that. Hey, Brad, Ryder. A lot of listeners are checked in saying thank you for your words and your stories. you've caused listeners to get goosebumps and tears, and they're sorry for your loss.

Oh, I appreciate that. They're not alone. It's been rough the last couple of days, and not to add, I mean, again, this is personal, but I'm calling today, or I called in from Michigan. My father-in-law's funeral was yesterday, so it hasn't exactly been. Sorry, John. Yeah, well, he passed away back in June. They had the memorial service yesterday.

So I've been through the ringer the last two or three days here. And that's something how it works out. It piles up on you, doesn't it? Tell you what, Brad, we'll pay a double this week. How about that? Thank you. I appreciate that. But I had to stand up and give a eulogy yesterday at his service.

So, yeah, and I thought about this the other day as I was monitoring John and the news over the last few days. I thought how ironic it was that, you know, again, that first story, told about how John was with me the night that I met my wife, my future wife, and here I am in Michigan giving a eulogy at my father-in-law's funeral. Life is kind of weird sometimes. It's a bitch, is what it is, Brad Rider. You know, so we mentioned Paul Molitor. Yesterday, I watched a little bit of the 20 and 26 baseball Hall of Fame inductions.

Yeah. I don't often stay tuned through all of the play. speeches, all of the inductees speeches, because that's a poke. They go long, and it is well deserved, but they do go long. I don't know. I mean, and Jeff Kent and Adrian, who the hell? Beltran. Carlos Beltran, Jeff Kent and Andrew Jones. Not exactly three of my favorite players of all times.

So anyway, but I never, at least I try my damnedest, never to miss the intros of the current Hall of Famers. Yeah. Yes. And I watched it again yesterday. Now, these guys aren't required to show up, are they? No. Well, they're not required, but I think they're very strongly encouraged.

Yeah, and I think there's just that sense of how important this is. It's once a year. It's such a, I mean, if you've ever been to Cooper Sound, it is an unbelievable weekend. Yeah. So I think that they, if they can physically get there, I think they all feel an obligation to do. The reason I ask is I love watching the old timers get introduced every year. And the lead announcer, the MC guy, whoever he does, he does a wonderful job of introducing these guys and rolling through their career stats and their impact on the game. But I just wanted to say, you know, the Minnesota guys, they show up every year.

So yesterday while I'm sitting there, I saw Jim Cott, Jack Morris, Rod Carew, who really struggled just to get up on the stage. And it was kind of difficult to watch. But he's there. And the announcer, the MC, I keep saying announcer, the MC even said, let's hear it for Rod Carew one more time. He makes the effort every year to show up. That's cool. I mean, it took two or three people to seat, Mr. Carew. Tony Oliva, Paul Molitor, Joe Maurer, Bert Blylevin, Dave Winfield.

I don't know if I'm missing anybody, but the Minnesota guys, man, they make a point of showing up. And it was just great to see. Again, it's so much, it's so great to see all those old timers out there. But I did not stick around for Jones, Kent, and Beltran. I don't know if anything wonderful happened there. I'm with you. I love watching. And I've seen it in person, Nick, a couple of times.

And it's just I stop everything that I'm doing just to stand there wherever I'm standing at Cooperstown and just watch those guys come out. Because, you know, so much of that is, you know, either I covered them or I grew up watching them. Yeah, I idolized them. It's just... I mean, Sandy F. and Kofak still walks out there. Yeah, it's amazing. I didn't see any of it, but I did see on Facebook. I saw Burt posted a picture of him with Sandy.

And Sandy looks like he... I don't know if it tends to Burt, but Sandy looks like he's 20 years younger than Burt. Yes, it's amazing. It's always a great event. Yeah. Another series win in the books for the twins. The fellas beat the Athletics 11 to 8.

Ryan Jeffers had a great game. Connor Preeip did just fine out there. on the bump. Cody Clemens had a nice game at the plate. Day off today, the twins begin a three-game series here in town against the Kansas City Royals. They're still right where they need to be. They are a game out behind Cleveland for the wild card, and they are in front of Seattle and Houston and Baltimore and Detroit, so they're in a great position. This is going to be just an absolute crazy week. It's going to be an interesting decision that they've got to make in the first.

front office here over the next week or so. For sure. And I think, you know, we talk about, you know, Joe Ryan, but I really think the most important piece right now is Ryan Jeffers. It is now. Yeah, because Langalear's got hurt for the athletics. He's likely out for the season. He was probably the number one catcher other than Jeffers that was being discussed and possibly being traded.

You know, if I'm the twins right now, that's a really hard thing to do because Jeffers has been like the most important person in the middle of their lineup, other than maybe Clemens at times and certainly Buckson during the year. But man, I, we'll see what happens this week. I mean, twins fans, I know we still are, you're still kind of sitting there and going, do they really have a chance in October? and I'm right there with you. I know. Why not? But why not? I wonder if there's a way they can play both sides of the fence here. If they could, if they, you know, trade Jeffers.

Well, first of all, you get a couple of prospects for them. But at the same time, at the same time, you can go out and try to get a couple of bolt-in-arms, too, not for Jeffers, but in a different trade. That is true. Why not? You know, what the hell? The Jackson kid is also done really well at Catcher. Yeah, he's done good.

He's batting over 320. So it's not like they don't have anybody there. But yeah, it's just going to be a crazy way. By the way, I just want to make sure folks don't go ignored here. There are more people texting in about John Anderson and the passing of John Anderson a couple of days ago saying they have some great stories. And condolences to Brad Ryder and his family. A couple other listeners texting in and said, you know,

I was a 14, 15-year-old kid playing. Little League Baseball, and we had a game at Seabird Field, and John Anderson came out, didn't know any of us, but came out and gave advice to all the kids. Just out of nowhere is kind of a thing. Without prompting, he showed up and just gave the kids some pointers, some really cool stories coming in on other folks who have had personal interactions with John Anderson over the years. I appreciate all your text messages. On how to throw and how to catch, because one of his favorite things was,

if you can't throw and you can't catch, you can't play. If you can't throw and you can't catch, you can't play. Fair enough. Did you see what happened with my homeboy Wu Sukgo? Where is he now? I don't know where he is now, but here's what happened to him the other night. So they sent him down to St. Paul relief pitcher, Wu Sukgo.

I saw some videos of him when the twins signed him, and I thought, this guy looks like you might have something to offer. Well, they sent him down to St. Paul. Friday night. He gets the call to come in, out the pen. And before he could step onto the bump, he was ejected. The umpires found some kind of swale on his baseball mitt. He was ejected for having a...

How do they say it in the business, Josh? Foreign subsets. Yeah, there you go. Foreign sumsets. What the hell are you doing there? Woo suck? That's not going to make a very good name for yourself with the organization. How to hell did this happen?

I'm reading here that four Minnesota Twins players, are all getting married on the same day in November. What? Brooks Lee, Lukie Kishal. All these guys are too young. Brooks Lee, Luke Kishal, Ryan Kreidler, Cole Sands are all getting married on November 14th. So congratulations, I guess, to the boys.

But with this article notes, is things might get a little awkward when their teammates are forced to pick which ceremony they want to go to. Exactly. Maybe they can stagger the start times. Apparently, none of them are planning on, you know, World Series parade and all the things I come with after the World Series is over the 1st of November either. Oh, man.

All four of these some bitches. Milwaukee? You know it's a coincidence because their fiancés would not have planned that. Oh, yeah, it's a coincidence. Yeah. That's just bizarre. Now, one of Randy Shavers' ultimate wet dreams, Milwaukee Brewers pitcher, Jacob, Mizzeroski set a franchise record yesterday.

He struck out the first seven Colorado Rockies to start the ball game. He ended up striking 12 with the first 13 Colorado batters smooth out. But he, what did he do? He set the mark for consecutive strikeouts to start a game for the Brewers in Brewer's history. The Major League record, hey, guess who holds a Major League record for consecutive strikeouts to start a game? The number is nine. Nolan Ryan. Good guess. I'll give you a little more information.

Randy Johnson. No, not the big eunuch. I'll give you a hint. He plays right here in town for the Minnesota Twins. Joe Ryan? No. But I bet you'll get it on your second try. Pablo?

Pablo. I would not have guessed that. Back in 20 and 21, when Pablo was pitching for the Miami Marlins, she struck out the first nine Atlanta Braves batters he faced. Pretty efficient. That is. So Mizoroski set the Brewers mark, but the all-time mark is still Pablo. Now, the record for consecutive strikeouts at any point within a single baseball game

is held by three some big. pitches. First, Corbyn Burns struck out 10 straight batters in the year 20 and 21. Is that, was he a brewer? Yeah, I think he was a brewer. I think he was a brewer. New York Mets, all-timer Tom Seaver. Yeah. Struck out 10 straight in 1970. Aaron Nola. Ah, he's still pitching. Yeah. Philadelphia Phillies. Also 10 consecutive strikeouts. Wow, 20 and 21 was the year of the strikeout. Nola had 10 in a row in 20 and 21. Pablo had nine in a row.

And that Burns guy also 10 in a row in 20. All right. So a day off of the twins tomorrow, they start up a series with Kansas City. And by the way, we talk so much about the Dodgers and how they stack their lineup and this and that. The brewers have almost the exact same record with not nearly the kind of talent that the Dodgers have. Yeah, we get a text message.

The Brewers are a half game behind the Dodgers for the best record in baseball. We get a text once or twice a week from someone over there beyond the cheddar curtain, wanting us to slip our hand down into the pants of the Milwaukee Brewers a little more often around here. Yeah, yeah. Impressive. And I say, no. I'm kidding. I have no problem.

with what the Brewers are doing. Go ahead. If they end up winning the whole smear, anybody but the L.A. Dodgers and New York Yankees are the Boston Red Sox. That's my motto. All right, to steal a nickname that Brad Ryder used last week, numb nuts made his silly little decision while we were enjoying our weekend. LeBron, James has asked the Philadelphia 76ers to hire him, and they said yes. Yeah. She's a two-year deal. So this pairs them up with the recently acquired Jalen Brown, terrible Joelle M. Bede and Tyrese Maxie.

And VJ. Edgeco. Oh, sure. The fantastic rookie. That dude, too, yeah. Yes. You want to hear the... Great starting five. It's going to be obnoxious as hell.

And by the All-Star break, we'll be barely able to stand it, I'm sure. We'll be sickened by all of it. Do you want to hear the statement from LeBron? It's a lot of nonsense, but he said, this is my last decision. Okay. Not going to make any more? No. His wife's going to meet the rest of them.

Honey, what's for dinner tonight? I'm all out of decisions. This is my last decision, he says. I'm not going for money. And he's not. And that's true. No, he didn't. Just let me finish his statement.

You know, I'm not going for money. I'm not going for family. What am I really playing for at this point? I still want to sacrifice. I still want to work. And I still want to grind. Smart of him not to bring his family to Philadelphia. I still want to compete to win

and have a chance at the feeling of winning another championship. I believe I can make the Philadelphia to 76ers a championship team. I'm excited to energize a new fan base and start this incredible what, Josh? Journey! That's right, Journey. Well, they were already energized when they got Jalen Brown in that surprise trade. But to add LeBron James, even if it's only for one year or two with the talent that they have,

if that team can stay healthy, that's a fantastic lineup in Philadelphia. It's going to make us all shit. And it's been how long? It's been almost as long as the Knicks. in winning a championship. I think Philly. Philly's been a long time. 82.

Yeah. When they had Maurice Cheeks and Andrew Tony and Dr. Jay and Moses Malone and Bobby Jones. Yeah, not quite the New York Knicks, but close. He would have been a good basketball here in our lineup, but after they acquired Jalen Brown, I think that

became the better basketball fit, maybe for him. And I kept reading after LeBron made the decision how Jaylen decided he wanted to be traded because he wanted to be in quotes the guy, right? Out of the shadow of

Jason Tatum and he's the guy and then LeBron shows up. He's still going to be the guy though. He's still going to be the guy. It's going to be disgusting. I read about a guy whose wife got on him because he bought season tickets to the 76ers after they traded for

Jalen because he spent so much money. I think it was like 12 grand total for the four seats that got for the family. He says now those are worth like 12 grand. Oh yeah. He just made a nice little profit. Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys want to go back and forth on this golf tournament over the weekend? It says here someone named Jackson Coyvoon won the golf tournament. And that's really all you got to say. Yeah. Young guy first time he has ever won a PGA event. Scotty Sheffler drew big crowds. I think it sounded like it was a big success,

and everybody was excited, but that's basically all you need to know. Okay. Back to the Milwaukee Brewers. Brewers in High Life, Jesus. He's one of the guys who texts in a lot about his favorite baseball team. But he's not, you know, falling down and touching himself just yet. He said the Brewers finished with the best record in baseball last year,

but were swept by the Dodgers. Is that true? They finished with the best record in baseball last year? I think they did. If they didn't, they were in competition for it. I'm going to go along with what he said. There you go. So Tony Romo got pinched for a DWI.

Was that his first? He is from Wisconsin. As far as I know. You have to drink a lot in Wisconsin to go full over a DUI, don't you? That depends. It depends. NFL play-by-play dork and, of course, former player Tony Romo was arrested in Wisconsin for operating a motor vehicle while impaired.

He performed poorly, they say, on his field sobriety tests. It happens. He looks like he's having a pretty good time in his mugshot. Yeah, he looked gleeful. You want to know why? You want to know why? He's thinking one thing in that mugshot. I'm not Mark Sanchez.

He handled things a little bit more grace. You know what I mean? If Mark Sanchez wouldn't have happened, I bet you Romo wouldn't have been smiling in that picture. But he's thinking, former player, play by play guy, no one's going to care that I get pinched for a Dewey.

Mark Sanchez played dagger tag with a truck driver. And he's going to court soon for that. So I think Tony was thinking, I'm not Mark Sanchez. This will blow over. Where it is, he got yanked over by the police. after a round of golf, which is, you know what? I don't know what the rest of you is,

but that's the first thing I thought. I bet he was coming smooth off of a golf course. It says here he was playing something called the Wisconsin Amateur Championship Golf Tournament, where he finished. Now, I don't know anything about golf. You guys tell me, is this piss poor? It says here at the Wisconsin Amateur Championship Golf Tournament, Tony Romo finished 35 over par?

Is that? Oh, wow. I read that he didn't play. very well. That's not great. No. And he took home $60. You know what? If you're winning somebody, screw it. Who cares then? How bad was everybody else? Yeah, if you got $60 for that score. They handed him $60 for his 35 over par, and he swerved himself smooth into a DWI. That's probably why he was going to cost them more than 60 bucks.

I already's got to pay a $300 fine. Yeah, Wisconsin. You guys don't think this is going to turn into anything like a guy losing his job. I don't know. I don't think so. No. Again, it's Mark Sanchez. That's who everybody's thinking about. Yeah, the bar is set pretty high. Yeah, yeah. All right. So, all right, we're in agreement. You don't think anything's going to come of this? He'll make an apology and say something and move on. Three weeks from now, we won't remember. Hopefully you've learned his lesson. Every once in a while, I'm reminded that he's from Wiscoe. He just doesn't strike me as a Wiscoe guy. He seems more like California.

Yeah, he's cooler than that. Much cooler. Yeah, when I, when I... You'll get some, you'll get some texts on that. Well, that's okay. We're afraid of text messages around here? From the Wisconsin. We've said a lot worse about Wisconsin.

That's what we're going for. I don't know if you, Randy, I don't know if you're new here or anything like that. We kind of like starting trouble with Wiscoe. I'm just stating the obvious, that's all. He doesn't strike me. as the type. Well, maybe it's because he played for the Cowboys. I think that's probably why. Well, no, I think just his look, his overall personality, he just, he comes off like more of like a kind of like a loosey-goosey, hippie California kid than he does.

I don't think he grew up like that, though, and I don't think he was like that at Eastern Illinois. Well, that's the way he presents himself. I think that's all because of the Cowboys, the persona of being the Cowboys quarterback. Oh, wait a minute now. It says here, now someone just tells, He actually didn't say he is from California. He just, the last couple of years of high school, he lived in Wisconsin. Oh, yeah. He was a Navy brat.

Really? So what's the truth on Tony Romo? I don't know. He was a Navy brat. He probably moved all over the place, but maybe he ended up in Wisconsin the last couple years of his high school. Okay, that's what gear grinding, truck driving Jesus is saying. He is from California.

He spent a couple years in Wiscoll before he went off to college. Well, that may be. makes that kind of, what's the word I'm looking for, Josh? That kind of validates. Validates the vibe I had from the guy. Someone look up the specifics if you can, just so we know what the hell we're talking about. Tony's Romo. He's born in San Diego.

The Romo's later returned to Burlington, Wisconsin, where his dad worked as a carpenter construction worker. I don't know why I included that detail. But it looks like, yeah, he played Little League baseball and football in Wisconsin. All right. So there you go. That explains that. The Minnesota Vixen won their very first women's tackle football national championship this past Saturday. And I caught a little bit of the game.

I did. I caught a little bit of that ball game Saturday afternoon. They defeated the Pittsburgh Passion in the title game by a final final of 42 to 14. Their defense forced five turnovers, including four interceptions. Jesus, what was ponder playing for the Pittsburgh team or something? quarterback Aaron Kelly was named the game's MVP. They are the longest operating women's tackle football team in the country. They were founded in the year of 19 and 99.

And like Josh and I were saying last week, we used to have that ball club into the studio once in a while to talk about their the longest operating. They joined, they were founded in 1999. They joined the Women's Football Alliance in 20 plus 17. Congratulations to the vixen. they stomped the Pittsburgh club's guts out. So again, you can't say that we never win anything around here.

You can't. Our women's team's dominant. Yeah. It's awesome. Save the crying. Save all the, as we're getting closer and closer to another Viking football feeding. Save the curse talk, because I don't want to hear it.

Because it's just not true. F me running. Yes, Bradrider. I'll say training camp starts Saturday. I love training camp. See you guys there. Yep. We'll be down there broadcasting from the van.

Oh my gosh. We'll be in Mancato. That would be Andy. Trading Camp's in Egan, but we'll be in Mancato. Where is everybody? Metlers. Wait a minute. What's the joke?

I don't get it. They don't train to Mancato anymore. Oh, they don't? No, they're in Egan. Oh, I don't follow such things. But we used to all got, Josh, and I couldn't wait to get down to Man Cato for training camp. Dude, that sounds so miserable. Oh, look.

There's Jeff George. And nothing against Jeff George. I loved him. But that was all that was. There's a bunch of dorks going, oh, look, there's name a player from the, just go home, everybody. This is so dumb. It's football practice. What are you doing here?

You're a grown person. That's what I thought every time we were there. If it's not your kids practicing, why are you there? Yes. Do you have a kid on the field? If you don't have a kid on the field, go home. My daughter's doing an internship for the Vikings this year, and she asked me, she said, she goes, I've got access to training team tickets.

She said, do you want some? I looked there. I said, I would rather set my hair on fire. I don't get it. I always hated it. Now, if you're going to give me Packer Viking tickets during the regular season, that's a different story. Right.

Boy, does this sound bad? San Francisco 49ers head coach, Kyle Shanahan. He got the piss beat out of him in a car wreck a couple days ago. He's all right. But, I mean, listen to this. this. He got, it says here, Shantahan's vehicle collided with an SUV somehow. This poor bastard came out of it with a broken schnaz, three broken ribs, a broken hand, a severe concussion, and 40 stitches in his face. Wow. Whoa. That's a lot. Was he not wearing a seatbelt?

That's all the information that I have is that he just got in a car wreck with somebody. When I busted my face open from falling. in a parking lot. I only got seven stitches on my lip, and I thought that was a lot. 40 stitches in his damn mug. How can you even fit 40 on there? I don't know. Oh, my damn. I feel bad for this guy. That sounds horrible.

So they say, don't expect to see this guy wandering up and down the sidelines anytime soon. F me. In this day and age, it's amazing that they kept that it wasn't reported when it happened. Well, it's because it's because according to some of the reports, the people that cover the 49ers agreed not to put it out there. Oh, okay.

Yeah. So this accident, I think, people knew. Yes. The accident, I think, happened on Wednesday, and it's a matter of public record, but the people who, I guess, the beat writers or whatever,

decided not to, the 49ers, I think, asked them not to put it out there till later or something. It happened back on the 14th. Yeah. It happened a while back. You're right, yeah. You know, a listener here is texted in, Josh, to say if you go down to Mancato this time of year, you can still hear the sound of old Red McComb's skull ringing off the rearview mirror of our broadcast van.

I'll never forget that sound. Of our broadcast van when we thought we killed old Red Mahome. How do you say his name? McCombs? McCombs. Yeah, he wrung his skull off the rearview mirror of our broadcast van and stupid cowboy boots. That was terrible. Went sliding down onto the mud and the blood and the beer.

I might be misremembering this, but didn't you lure Randy Moss for an interview because he had a bunch of pornomags in the van? That's correct. That's awesome. We had about, I don't know. A couple days, he ignored us until we said, hey, we got all kinds of porn, and then he jumped in and we did an interview. I bet he was really paying attention to. He sucked. Yeah.

Yeah, he sucked back then. He was a total dickhead. But yeah, that was just embarrassing. We're sitting in our stupid broadcast fan. You want to do an interview? No? Okay. What about you?

want to do an interview? No, because they're all pricks. Every damn last one of them's a prick. That sounds so miserable. Until we had, I don't, it would just so happen that a listener had dropped off 418 German porno magazines. It was weird stuff, wasn't it? It was hairy, German, bizarreo. It was really odd. It just so happened like a listener stopped by and gave us a gift. I mean, buckets, boxes. It was from his work. He worked at a porno shop. And he said, here you go. And I thought, wah-wa-wewa.

I like porno mags. But this stuff was awful. But Josh, waved it, wagged a couple of them out the window, and Randy Maugh turned his bicycle around, came over to our broadcast van, and then kind of gave us one-word answers while he was paging through the German urine porn. Other radio stations are offering gift certificates to Murray's.

You're offering... It worked. How's training camp going? Good. Do you like your teammates? Yeah. You have a roommate? Yeah.

Is it hot? Yeah. All right. Nightmare Jesus texted in to say, and he's a Wiscoe guy, 715. He said our comment about Wisconsin. It doesn't really bother him, but he wants us to know that he considers Minneapolis, St. Paul.

He considers us Cincinnati West. I'm not sure what he means about it. I don't know. I don't know. It's funny. Because we just, is it specifically a football thing? Like, because we never win. Cincinnati never wins.

Is that what it means? Or is it a rest oriented? Yeah. If we're going back 10, 15 years, yeah, it was always Vikings players or Bengals players who were going to jail. So I don't know if it's just an old joke or Cincinnati West, he says. So there you go. Oh, I don't know what else is going on around here. That's probably about it.

Unless you want to talk about Angel Reese. Yeah. Are you going to get her Barbie doll? Angel Reese has her own official Barbie doll and Reebok shoe line. Oh, yeah. I should have mentioned this when we were talking about basketball because they had the WNBA All-Star game over the weekend. And they made these announcements that Angel Reese has her own Barbie doll and her own pair of shoes. Couldn't happen to a greater player or a foxy or lady.

That's so cool. Yeah, I saw the Barbie at Target. Yeah, it looks sweet. I tried to buy one for Nick online and it sold out immediately. Oh, did they? So if you can go to a... Oh, well, I'm going to go buy them and flip them then. So it looks like...

Flipping Barbie tall. To little girls, too. I'm glad you said flip them and not something else. Yeah. Okay, so you guys were already aware of this. They're already for sale? Yeah, they're already... I saw their sold out online, but, yeah, maybe if you go someplace.

Okay. All right, I'm happy for her. Yes, Brad. And the Barbie scored as many points. as the real one did in the WMBA also. You can buy one on Walmart.com right now. Oh, are they crazy expensive? No, it's only 3497.

That's a weird number. Yeah, they're going on eBay for like 60. Listeners are texting in, concerned that at one point or another, Josh, we were the type of guys to wave porno mags out of magazine to try to lure people into the motor vehicle. Pardon me. Pardon me. I misspoke. that we were the type to wave porno mags out of a van in order to get people to do. Yeah, I understand.

What does this say? One of our listeners says when he was a kid, he was gifted some Slovakian porn magazines. That'll change you, man. How young. He didn't say how old he was, but he said that it was an eye-opener, Slovakian pornemags. Yeah, I bet. I don't know if I've ever... Can you guys get online and order me some Slovakian porn magazine?

I'll be a little nervous to search that. Let's see. Oh, man, there you go. All right, Brad Ryder and Randy Shaver, that's probably enough for a friggin' Monday. We appreciate all your time and knowledge, and by damn, we'll jaw jack with you later this week. Sounds good.

Sounds good. Appreciate it, boys. We'll be back in a few minutes here on the Slovakian morning show. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable,

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer.

Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Jim Rome takes on sports. Part of what makes this show, the show, is the show within the show. The biggest topic on the show always seems to be the show itself. This is a way to give you clones, a way to interact with one another.

Yes. We will be going through the chat. Yes, it'll be a part of the program. The only thing that could ruin the show are the old school clones spitting up the same bull crap that they always have. The jungle is out taking names and ready to dominate. Let's get it. The Jim Rome Show podcast. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Dr. P. Jesus. The 93x Half-assed Morning Show. Oh, sure. 8.30. Right on the nuts. Dr. P is here. Welcome back to the 93X half-ass morning show. I effed up and forgot to hype you.

I forgot to hype your ass up. Dr. P. Luckily, Dana gave folks the word. 651-989, 93. If you want to ask the damn doctor, how you been, brother? Doing just fine. Well, that's wonderful.

Absolutely wonderful. How about you guys? Well, we've been all right. How'd you like the weather this morning? Oh, it's real nice. It's fun, right? I mean, I've only seen that a few times where all of your windows are fogged on the outside. Yeah.

I mean, it's insane. I described it earlier as it's like the world is wrapped in a hot towel right now. Yeah. And we can't friggin escape. It's pretty bad. I was reading about our wet bulb globe temperature thing again that we, I think we talked about that last time because it's just been a stinker hot lately. And it's, I think it's predicted to be 89 today, which is into the, exercise is forbidden range.

Oh, no, not that. Anything is that. I know, right. Dude, I was just telling the guys this morning, like, as soon as I walked in, I was like, did you guys see people outside yesterday, like, walking around and running and doing stuff? Actually, on my drive here, I saw people out running, like, around the lakes. Just hit them with your car, put them out of their misery. Some of them, they can't get enough.

This is their addiction. Now, I was, when you asked this question off air, yeah, earlier, Ashley, I noticed some people who are out and about yesterday. And I think some of them, it's like they need that exercise for medical reasons. You know what I mean? It sounds silly, but I think some people need to get out there. And if that's not the case, you're out of your mind if you're out jogging or walking. But some of those folks, they're hooked on it.

They're just hooked on it. But, yeah, I mean, really, this is, we're in the range of young, healthy people can get critically ill. Dude. And it's basically like you can sweat, but it won't evaporate off of you. So basically we as humans lose the ability to get rid of extra heat. Frightening. I mean, it may not be quite, I was, again, just reading about it this morning, like 95. So we're going to be 89.

95 is considered the cutoff for like basically human survival. Oh, wow. And there were periods during like the Persian Gulf conflict era. that were there. And those, I mean, that's just, and that's, again, that's kind of why the military was the origins of this wet bulb globe temperature thing. Right.

Really interesting when we learned about it a week ago or two weeks ago. Yeah, yeah. Right. And it is, it's more widely used. Yeah, so anyway, be careful out there. You feel heavy as soon as you step outside. Yeah. I think we're bad parents now.

We let our son go play basketball with some friends yesterday, like later yesterday. And I think it was less. about basketball and more are they like excuses to take their shirts off in front of some of the girls? A little bit yesterday. So I'm hoping they took it easy. These guys are trying to get laid? I think that seems to be part of it. I'm going to be completely

honest. Josh, I saw some kids outside riding bikes yesterday and I'm like where are their parents letting them go outside? We got Dr. P in studio 651, 989, 993, if you want to ask them a question. Interesting, a question that just came in a few minutes ago. Interesting to me personally, because I just had a conversation

about this with a doctor very recently. Why are women at more risk for a stroke than big disgusting dudes is how our listener says it. News to me. Why are women at more risk of a stroke? I had this conversation with my doctor recently. What did they say? I don't know if I did on that. And I didn't ask any questions.

Yeah. They just, this was a lady doctor and she joked around with my wife. about, you know, lucky us or something like that. But according to my doctor, it's true, women are at greater risk of a stroke. Maybe someone can look it up. You're not required to know everything. Yeah, it's, I mean, presumably it's got to be something about having estrogen and then not having estrogen and that.

I mean, it does create different risk factors for men and women. I mean, men are clearly, part of it might be because men, you know, will get heart disease and probably be dead before they're old enough to be at high. risk for stroke maybe? That's one of the things it says. Women live longer. I googled it and you mentioned the estrogen. So it's like the,

so it, yeah, guys, uh, the guys that would have a stroke later are already gone. Yeah. The ones that, um,

weren't going to still don't. It's a process of elimination. I think it probably is. Yeah. Why are we men more at risk of heart disease? Uh, well, because of testosterone and because being,

uh, are, um, more reckless. Do we eat worse? We, well, we also store fat around our organs, and that is that, that sort of goes hand in hand with developing atherosclerosis and diabetes and all that fun stuff. So it's, yeah, we're just, we tend to block off the big arteries earlier in life and be gone. The women sort of wait until later on for the little ones.

You didn't know that, Ashley, you didn't know that you're more strokey than. I had no clue. I knew that when I was taking birth control that that was like a risk with like blood clots and all that kind of nonsense. sense, but I didn't know that just in general. That's great. Awesome. Here's a text from Ford Nut Jesus, and he has a question about the, is it, GLPs? Yeah. GLP 1 or old school stomach surgery for weight loss, he said, I'm a bigger feller and looking

at those options. Yeah, it's incredible, really, how that has changed in the last few years. because for truly, you know, morbidly obese people, people with body mass index, you know, up above, well, high body mass index, almost everything that's been available other than bariatric surgery. So there's various surgeries that are done. Most of that stuff didn't work for them, and bariatric surgery does. But, yeah, the gLPs, they are.

they're pretty darn effective. I mean, they can have side effects. There's, you know, I don't think we, we really don't know long term how it's all going to work out for people and generally you have to stay on them to keep the weight off. But it's usually probably worth a try for people to do that before you have bariatric surgery. I mean, bariatric surgery, again, it's, it's very effective,

but it's a pretty radical thing to do to your body. You know, it's a one-way change. So there's very good weight loss clinics these days, you know, I would say, at all of the big healthcare systems in the Twin Cities and, you know, surrounding areas where they combine the surgeons and they have the medical weight loss docs. So they have a lot of resources. Yeah, it's, so GLP ones are the OZempic and the Wagovi and those. They can be used for, well, certain of them are approved for diabetes.

Other ones are approved for weight loss. Some are approved for obstructive sleep apnea and obesity. But yeah, it's worth a discussion. Okay. My mom, she went on one. I think she's, well, she's taking a break from it right now because she has some other medical stuff going on. But she had, like, high cholesterol. Like, her blood work wasn't great.

And after she was on it and she went back to the doctor, the doctor was like, dude, like, all of your stuff is perfect. Like, this is incredible. Yeah, there's more stuff being sort of talked about all the time. It decreases inflammation. It might reduce the risk of cancer. Might reduce the risk of dementia. It seems too good to be true to me. But I'm just ticked off that I didn't invest in those darn companies better.

Why don't they come up with one for bald guys that works as well as these G. That's a good question. I can't believe they haven't. Right. Just inject that stuff into your head. That is kind of fascinating, Josh, that there are so many miraculous twists and turns in the medical world every day where, wow, people are able to live longer with these terrible issues and we're saving people with cancer and this and that. But a bald guy still just has to suck it up. Yeah.

What is that? What are you going to do? And they've probably got stuff in the vaults of these pharmaceutical companies that they're going to, they're going to, they're going to, wait a while to sort of, you know, make their GLP money first, GOP1 money, and then they'll bring out the ball. They could just get, they could get so rich. Here's a text message. I'm a 55-year-old male that just last Thursday was told by a neurologist that he believes I

have Louis Body dementia. I have a test at the U of M this Thursday. What am I up against? Are you familiar with Louis Body dementia? Yeah, it's another version, well, sorry, it's another type of, you know, dementia alongside of Alzheimer's. Alzheimer's is sort of the most widespread and common one that has, you know, starts typically quite advanced age, kind of progresses steadily and then sort of stepwise and people just

get worse and worse. Louis body dementia is, it's a different mechanism and I don't know a ton about it. It's not a great diagnosis. It's usually, it's earlier in life, and it can be pretty severe. I'm sorry to hear that. So we'll hope that that's not what's going on. The testing, I wonder what testing, it could be, it could be neuropsych testing that may be part of what's going to go on where you basically see a psychologist who, they have these

tests that look at how you're thinking and how your brain is working, and it can kind of help predict that. Okay. But yeah, it's, um, I'm. It's not fun in games. No, and there's another one called frontotemporal dementia that can affect young people or younger people. It's just hereditary? I don't, from what I remember, Louis Body is not.

I mean, Alzheimer's is thought to be somewhat. I'll look that one up quick. Sorry to hear that, bro. Yeah. Yeah, so let's hope it's not that. He said the doctor believes he has it, but nothing's been made official, so we wish you the best of luck. Just know after you have your testing. Somebody here, oh, this is orgasm donor, Jesus.

No. He'll give you one. Why is my pee still dark yellow? I drink a lot of water. I've had the pee check. Doctor said the results are all within normal. Dark yellow is a problem, huh? It seems like that's not good.

Dehydration, yeah. You have a fuddled look on your face. Yeah, typically it's just, it's a matter of hydration. It's just concentrated urine versus non-concentrated urine. So, I mean, some people's perception of how much fluid they're drinking is off. I mean, my dad, if you ask him how much water he drinks, he says, you know, a fair amount, and that means like a couple of sips a day. Oh, folks, they hate water.

Yeah, what's up with that? Yeah, what's up with that? if you're someone who's working outside this summer, you got to drink a lot to even remotely keep up with your hydration. Yeah, I mean, urine tests, especially if they do a dipstick, that's, that looks, well, no, that's just, they just dip it in the urine. They don't dip it in you. You know, that does sound bad, actually, doesn't it? The swab?

Ooh, boy. Yeah, they shouldn't be doing that. You're not talking about the swab. Not talking about the swab, no, just, but the urine test. that are done. You pee in a cup and they dip a stick in it. Yeah, it looks for a bunch of different stuff and they probably did microscopy and maybe do urine culture to make sure there's no infection.

I mean, there's some weird metabolic things. Vitamins, perhaps? People are texting about vitamins. Oh, yeah, I mean, things in your diet, I guess. There are things that can make the urine sort of more reddish. I don't remember which. That'd be so scary. I took a vitamin for a while.

I can't remember what it was, but it made it like. bright yellow. You know what that would be? I don't know which one that is. I mean, there's medicines for like women when they have urine. Urinary tract infections that can kind of help decrease pain and those can

definitely can turn your urine different colors and they can even change your tears a little bit so they can screw up your contacts. Really? I don't know. That sounds awesome. So yeah, there's probably there's a nice list on the Google of which vitamins can make your urine darker and

Again, if you've kind of had things ruled out, you're probably not. You don't need to worry too much. Might be fun to research that for the changing seasons, you know? Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Holiday colors. That would be nice. We're jaw jacking with Dr. P. Jesus here on the half-fast warning show, 651, 989, 93.

If you have a question for the doctor, how about one real quick one here before we take a break? How painful is it, a listener wants to know, to have toenails removed. Oh, I've ripped one off once. I didn't feel too good. Tell me about how it works. Well, if you do it the old-fashioned way. He means professionally.

Yeah, professionally. They use a digital block, it's called. So, you know, local anesthesia is just when you have stuff. If you're going to have something removed from your skin, they kind of put it under there, and it just makes that little area numb. For toe-nail removal, you actually inject down where the nerves are that go to the end of the toe. Oh, I bet that stings. That stings.

It does sting for sure, but it's brief. And then you don't have any pain during the procedure. It's completely... Tear them smooth off for you. Yeah. Yep. Because, yeah, you can't inject enough local anesthetic to numb that. It's a long procedure. It's a short procedure.

No, it's pretty short. It's really... Do you have to stay off your feet for a few days? A lot of pain there afterwards? I mean, afterwards, it doesn't... I don't think it feels fantastic. But it's probably not as bad as people think. Yeah, it's going to be sore.

Usually, you know, it's rafing. It bleeds a little bit. Next thing you know, you're on the dance floor. Pretty much. And honestly, for people who have really bad ingrownails, because that's typically why you're doing it, it probably feels better immediately because with that, you're basically getting like a spike of nail that's going up into the tissue

along the side of the toe, which hurts a lot. I had that remove. Yeah, it was no big deal at all. Let me see. You had the whole nail removed? You got a, no, just the side. Yeah. And sometimes, that's what we do sometimes.

for sure, especially if it's the first time or second time. People who get them just recurrently, or if it's being removed because of a chronic fungal infection or there's not, I can't really think of any other reasons. That's a direction I'm headed. So you had a really bad ingrown toenail cubby? I don't remember this. Well, I was little.

Oh, well, I shouldn't say little. You know, middle school maybe. Oh, that's not so. It kept happening. It kept happening. Hurt like hell? Oh, that was terrible. Yeah.

And then when they removed it, it was easy. Can you know. Can anyone even tell by looking at your feet? Oh, you could tell. Yeah, because it doesn't go all the. way over to the side. Why does that happen? Why do people get sin? My mom always told me that like if I didn't keep up on trimming my toenails like that would eventually happen. And so I've always been afraid of that. Is that true? Well, I think some people are just more prone to it by the shape of

their nail. How you trim your nails makes a difference. They say for people who get ingrown toenails, you want to trim more straight across and not do the, you know, arcing cuts because that lets Basically, if the nail is sort of straight across, that means it's kind of grown past the point where it can get ingrown. Might have all kinds of problems. They're headed in all different directions. And so if earlier on, if you can get away with it, you just remove like a third of the nail.

And then ideally you use some sort of chemical to ablate the matrix of the nail, basically where it's a little place where the nail starts from, you know, back in the toe a little bit. And then it shouldn't grow back. in that area. There's only one way my teeth, my teeth, there's only one way my feet are ever going to look human and that is if you removed every single one of those. We should just do that during one of these. Just hold it. Just, Covey, hold me down. I would love that. It'd be so proud, dude. That's the only way they'll ever look.

Hi, everybody. Hi. Dr. P. Jesus. Welcome to the half-assed morning show for 983X. All right, yeah, we're back with Dr. P. Jesus. Dr. James Parnell, don't you know? It's our biweekly, Ask the Damn Doctor. Goat Root. audio here on the half-ass morning show. Real quick, a text message came in, someone who's had experience with a conversation we had a few minutes ago about having your toenails removed professionally because you've got ingrown this and fungus. That. One of our listeners says, I had a toenail get taken care of. They used a needle that was about the size of a ruler. Oh, no. He said it totally sucked. The doctor was gagging. I was crying and my girlfriend was laughing hysterically. That's a good significant other one, too. Nice. Dr. P. A listener says my wife found out she has breast cancer in both breasts. She's going to be having a double mastectomy. I was curious, how long is she going to be down and out?

And is there anything that we can do to make it easier or better for her? Before the professional chimes in, I'll just tell you this much. My mother had a single mastectomy a number of years ago. And after, I don't know, four or five hours, she was walking down the street, smoking a cigarette, pushing one of her grandchildren and a stroller. Yeah, that might be a little exceptional, but I think it's... It's amazing how quickly... Yeah, I think it's probably easier. It's easier to recover from than, you know, a breast reduction, I would say.

A breast reduction is... They remove quite a bit of tissue, but there's still a lot of tissue there, and there's... You've got to have drains, and... But basically, if you're removing all of the breast tissue, it probably is easier to recover. I'm not... I wouldn't want to sign up for it. it as a woman, obviously, but... I'm just telling you, I could not believe how quickly she was back on her feet doing what

she wanted to do, if that helps you at all. Yeah. And some people, I mean, people have very highly variable pain tolerance. I know mine is really low. Mine is low. Patients often like to say my pain tolerance is high, and I just, who knows, but I know mine's low, so it does depend on the person. I mean, surgical techniques are, you know, better than they've ever been.

Even, like, stuff to close incisions is better than it's ever been. So hopefully it's not too bad. But, yeah, in terms of supporting, yeah, I think it's just lots of love and just support. And, yeah, it can be some women, it's completely, like, matter of fact, just right. take my breasts. Other women, it's, you know, they kind of grieve because it's, yeah, it's very much a part of their femininity or identity or whatever. But, um, so again, it really, um, yeah, I've seen both ends of the spectrum and I wouldn't, I don't know if I could predict it based on knowing a person. Tell your wife that, uh, we're rooting for.

Yeah. We're rooting for both of you. Yeah. Yeah. We'd love to hear from you as soon as possible. Absolutely. Give us an update. Yeah, good luck. Uh, oh, Another quick question here for Dr. B. I'm going to read this exactly the way I think the listener wanted it to be put. You ever delivered any babies? Gross, right? Super cool. It's a little messy.

Yeah. But it's quite a, quite an experience. Twins or triplets? No triplets. And twins these days, they pretty much always deliver by C-section. Oh, yeah. I've been involved in that. Yeah, you just, it's too risky.

I wouldn't want to push two of them out there. One after the other one. No, thank you. The first one usually comes out pretty easily. The second one can kind of get twisted around and stuck. So that's the standard triplets, I would guarantee it's done, and it's probably done early. Got a question here about someone's butt. On liver number two, Jesus says, my GI increase my colon prep, but there's still remains in there.

And she wants me to push it out two weeks in Miralax, eight liters the day before. Why can't I get cleaned out? This dude has to fill eight liters with his... No, no, no. Dricking eight liters. Yeah. Of the other, of the prep. I didn't really fully understand what's going on there.

Here's a bucket. You know, I don't know why. I used to do sigmoidoscopies, so that's sort of colonoscopy light. And they're not done a ton these days. It was, that was a long time ago, sort of before colonoscopy came, became the standard screening. And there would, it's, people are given the same prep. You obviously never quite know what they do, but some people have great results and some people don't. You know, people have variable sort of transit through the GI system, variable motility.

I mean, there probably are some medical conditions that maybe make it slightly more likely. I didn't know that was possible if he'd followed all the rules not to get cleaned out. Yeah, I mean if if well, yeah, who knows. Because you never know what people are doing. But it would be unusual, I think, if you, if you follow the instructions. But again, it's just sometimes, I don't know, people, people don't have the same results. So yeah, to really get a, and to have a colonoscopy be effective in terms of screening, you have to have a clear field.

Otherwise, you cannot tell what's going on. So, so it sounds. unpleasant, but got to go for it. I hear you. And fill eight liters and bring it all in so we can look. Show and tell.

That'd be a lot. Well, Dr. P, we got to get the hell out of here. We hope you're able to enjoy the most disgusting day on record so far. Yeah, I've actually been taking sailing classes on Lake Minnetonka. So tonight is the last one, and I'll be doing that from 5 to 7.30. Probably roasting. But there's going to be some wind. Yeah, it's been fun once a week.

What made you want to do this? You need to go on some sort of adventure? No, no. Some friends of mine were going to do it. And so signed up. It's just sort of intro sailing. Cool. Lake Minnetonka sailing school.

It's really good. I see those characters quite often. Yeah, yeah. Usually it's little kids. I've never seen the adult. During the day, it's mostly a kids camp, I think. But we, thankfully, we use boats called sonars, which are, they're considered sort of pigs of sailing boats because they're big and heavy. they have a big keel, but they can't flip over, which I like.

Oh, I bet I could get you to flip over. I'm not sure they're guaranteed not to flip over, but what if I swung by going full Bored? Hey, that's Nick Bored! Give me the kind of wake that'll just scare the balls off of you. Well, that's exciting. You're always doing fun, Stine. I try.

It's a lot of fun. I highly recommend it. That does sound cool, but with all this talk about how horrible the weather is, you've got to go out in a boat this afternoon? It's going to be a little. iffy, but it's at five. That's the hottest part of the day. You bastard. We'll see.

That's cool, but I don't envy you. Maybe I won't be here in two weeks. Good luck to you, Dr. P. Just try to stay above the water line. I will. We'll talk to you in a couple weeks. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air

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