American Presidents: Totalus Rankium - 00 Pre Presidential

Episode Date: February 17, 2018

  Hello! Welcome to the start of our exciting new podcast. We are going to decide just how interesting each president was. How were they as a statesman? Any scandal? How would their life play out as a film? What is their portrait like?  This is a lighthearted look through US history where we search for all those interesting facts about the men who shaped a global superpower. This episode however, looks at the time before the presidents. Find out what the people of Jamestown ate after they ran out of shoe leather, why the 50th thanksgiving must have been awkward (apart from it not being a thing back then) and just how unimaginative were the colonists when it came to naming things. 

Welcome to Totalus Rankium, this week pre-presidential. Hello and welcome to American Presidents Totalus Rankium. I am Jamie. And I'm Rob, ranking all of the presidents from Washington to Trump. And this is episode zero, pre-presidential. Oh, I'm excited about this. Yes, new podcast. I think we should address the elephant in the room, though. Ah, yes. Chad.

It doesn't have a name. We are British. Good God, I think you're onto something. Yes. And if you've not heard any of our other podcasts, that might be a bit of a shock. You've tuned in to listen to a podcast about presidents and here is a couple of British chaps. A couple of limeys. Yeah. Across the

pond. Yeah. But don't be scared. Don't be scared. It's fine. Good. Yeah. Well I figure we've done over 100 episodes on Roman emperors now. Yeah. And neither of us are from Rome. That's true. So hopefully we've earned your trust if you're already one of our listeners. And if not, well, stick with us.

It'll be fine, honestly. It'll get better. Yes, it will. Right. Okay. So what are we? What is this podcast, Jamieie uh well we're rankium we'll rank all the american presidents based on certain characteristics yeah yeah and go through a

allegedly stroll through history yeah carrying the umbrella of knowledge yes against the storms of not knowing history yes ignorance is a better word, yes. Okay, yeah, we'll do that. So this episode, as you may have noticed, is episode zero, because we've not really started the presidents yet. This episode is going to cover a period of time before the presidents, but also introduce the rounds that we're going to rank all the presidents on. Yeah. So we're going to look at who was the most interesting, historically. Not necessarily the best or the worst, but the most interesting.

So bearing that in mind, we have created rounds where presidents can earn points for good and bad reasons. Just depending on whether it's interesting or not. Yeah. Highly subjectively interesting as well. Yes, definitely. So, shall we have a look at our rounds? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. We are going to be judging every

president on their statesmanship. This is a round where presidents get points for doing well. We'll be looking for actions that improve the country and or their party. And we'll be giving them a score out of 10 each. So a total out of 20. Nice. Yes. But to counter that, we also have Disgrace Gate.

This is where the president can pick up some points for doing something scandalous. I thought that was going to be my favourite round. That might be your favourite round. So did they do something that caused an outcry? Were their actions shocking? Did they cause scandal? Perhaps one that became synonymous with the concept of scandals?

I imagine Nixon will definitely pick up a few for that. He may do. In order to win points, the President must have caused the scandal while they're alive, or at least soon afterwards. We'll try not to judge history on present-day morality too much, but it might seep in occasionally. There's definitely a couple of examples I can think of. Again, this is out of 20 in total. We'll be giving 10 points each.

Then we have Silver Screen. Ooh. This round is devoted to how interesting their entire life was from birth to death. We're going to discuss whether their life would make a good biopic. That'd be quite cool. Yeah. So what type of film would it be? Would it be an action film, a political film, a comedy? You never

know. And how much were we willing to pay for it as well? Oh, we could decide that, yeah. So this round is also where presidents will pick up points for doing something interesting or first, like creating a political party, being the president when the moon landing happens, first African-American president, things

like that, just something that stands out. So you can gain a few points here, and again, this one's out of 20. Nice. Then we go to our smaller rounds. Next one is canvassability. It's a again, this one's out of 20. Nice. Then we go to our smaller rounds. Next one is canvasability. It's a small round. We judge their official portrait. Oh.

Yes. Basically seeing how sexy they are. Yeah. But it's got to be their official portrait. Yes. Yes. All presidents have an official painting, usually done in oil. So that's one we're going to judge. Did they have any impressive facial hair, for instance?

Are they doing anything odd in the portrait? And it says in my notes here, Obama's has not been painted yet, but it got released yesterday, bizarrely enough. It's weird that it was done after office. Is that always the case? Yeah, about as usual. Usually they wait till you leave office and then you have your portrait done, which is why Trump doesn't have one at the moment.

He just has the official photograph. One day he'll have an oil painting. So this round, we're going to score out of 10 each, but we'll divide the final score by four, meaning this round is only out of five. Fair enough. Then a couple of very small bonus rounds. Each president will get a point for every full term they served. Nice. If someone attempted to assassinate them, they get a point. I think you deserve that. Worthy of assassination, yeah. Yeah. If the president was assassinated, they get two points. Fair enough. Yeah, I mean if I was assassinated, I'd like to think

I'd at least pick up a couple of points in a podcast one day. Yeah, it'd almost make it worthwhile. Yes. Then election, which is our final small bonus round. This round, the president gets zero, one or two points depending on their electoral performance. Took a while to work this one out. I took an average of the percentage of their electoral college win.

And if that score came out as above 70%, I took it as a landslide win and awarded two points. The rest got one point. However, you get a point deducted if you won but lost the popular vote. Presidents that were not elected automatically get zero. Okay. So there we go. And then finally, which isn't a point round, we just decide at the end, we decide whether they were...

Wait for it. I'm waiting. An American or an Americant. Oh, yeah. This is just a round where we decide whether they go through to our knockout rounds. We don't use the points to decide. We just get a general we decide whether they go through to our knockout rounds. We don't use the points to decide. We just get a general feeling. Should they go through?

Did they impress us? Are we going to put them through to the knockout rounds at the end? And then at the end, we debate which ones, out of all the ones that went through, are worthy to win the whole series. Nice. So there you go. That is what this podcast is all about. Should be good.

I'm looking forward to it. But we're not doing any of that today. Oh, okay. No, sorry. Instead, we are going to have an insanely brief history of all of the history before presidents in North America. It's brief. I've tried to cram it all in. We'll see how successful I was.

Just talk quicker. Yeah. That's a challenge. Just speed quicker. Yeah, just speed up. It'll be fine. Before we start though, what's your knowledge at the moment on North American history? More so than the Roman history, like going into our Roman Empress podcast, which you can also download via Poppy and iTunes and Stitcher. I knew next to nothing I could name Augustus. I could probably, I could name Caligula and he was a bit crazy and they had red shields that's about it

right okay probably a bit more do you know what colour their shields are? purple I believe yeah I think it's more modern because I'm more of a modern historian so I should find that more interesting okay let me rephrase that

you're saying that you're gonna like this one more than the other one we do that i think i've got more of a more of an idea in my head of what it could entail okay i'm so excited to learn tell me rob teach me take me to the learning tree okay let's go together yay yay okay here we go. Several hundred years. In four minutes or less. Yeah, it's going to be tricky. Well, actually, even longer than that.

We're talking thousands of years because we are going to start with the first people in North America. How'd they get there? Well, I mean, there was an idea that they evolved separately because when the land masses were together, they could obviously travel from the Russian side. Yeah, you got it you got it yeah russia the most prevalent theory is that 12 000 to 15 000 years ago people crossed over from siberia

nice and when we say crossed this wasn't like a hiking holiday it's like come on let's go no they didn't do that it was a land bridge that was twice the size of Texas. Yeah. So they wouldn't have seen it as a land bridge. 50,000 years ago. Yeah. So this had been post-Ice Age, just as Ice Age. Yeah. They would have used that as a... Yeah, so you were able to get from Russia to America.

Pop scotch on the icebergs. Well, no, no. The land was huge. All they did was let little tiny mini icebergs just jump along. Okay. They did that then. For 1,000 miles. Fine.

We'll stick with your theory. Yes's more fun right a bunch of them eventually arrive in north america and they spread out very slowly and made their way across the vast continents of north and south america then the land border submerged 10 to 7 000 years ago cutting them off probably not overnight i was gonna say the last one finally got over and went, oh hang on, I think I forgot my... That was close. Just in time. He dropped his hat and he just reaches and grabs his hat just before it submerges.

Despite we're saying that they came across 15,000 to 7,000 years ago, roughly, it should be noted that some people dispute this. There is evidence that points to earlier settlements in South America, approximately 14,000 years ago roughly it should be noted that some people dispute this there is evidence that points to earlier settlements in south america approximately 14 000 years ago and we have no idea how they got there i mean this is the most logical guess but you'd have to have archaeological evidence of that like tool usage and well yeah they found tools in south america and then they'll be linked between

russian and the russian well no because it's before the land bridge people came over. So they're not entirely sure how those tools got over there. Either the spread was much quicker than they thought, or some other humans managed to get to South America another way, clinging on to driftwood or something. Oh, you'd be on there for weeks and months, though. Yes, you would. Chewing on the moss on the side.

Yeah, who knows? We don't know. And we don't need to try and find out, because this has nothing to do with presidents. We're on the wrong continent. So let's carry on. So regardless of how those people got there, their ancestors became the Mayans and the Aztecs and the Incas and the countless other people on the continent,

ranging from small tribes to massive complex civilizations that rivaled any others in the world at that time. And unfortunately, we've got no time to talk about them, but they're fascinating. But if you want to know about them, go and listen to a podcast about the Incas. I don't know of any. Anyway, in North America, several distinct cultures and civilizations had developed. The Pacific Northwest, so modern-day Oregon, Washington State, was home to people who fished, hunted wild game.

And due to how plentiful the resources were, they didn't really farm much. So they were hunter-gatherers and they built lots of canoes out of the big trees that grew there. Nice. Yeah. So that was sort of in the top left. Yeah. Yeah. They were top left.

Yeah. That would be like near Seattle. The people of Seattle. Back in the day. Yeah. Yeah. That would be like near Seattle. The people of Seattle. Back in the day. Yeah. Yeah. Then if you go like clockwise around the map in sort of the top right area, you've got people who built huge earthworks for burial

and established huge trading networks that spread across the entire continent. Was it Iroquois? Slightly before that, but yes, it developed into that. Yeah. I know stuff. You do know stuff. I'm a bit nervous. Then along the Mississippi, a culture developed reaching its height between 900 and 1350.

People of the Mississippi built towns, plazas, temples, all sorts. They cleared vast areas of land for their farms. So there were big farmers there. And also, like their northern neighbours, they also traded extensively. And then keep rotating round into the south-west, bottom-left, more arid, got lots of deserts and casinos down there. Texas, Arizona. Yeah, that sort of area.

So quite a distinct culture grew there. People had less of a class structure. And interestingly, the leaders, religious and political and military leaders, also sort of worked in the field as well. California's still quite a liberal state. Yes, maybe that's where they got it from. However, by the time of the European expansion, the civilizations kind of moved and merged a bit

and roughly created three distinct groups, although this is obviously a huge oversimplification, but we don't have enough time. So I'm just going to make the simplification. We had the Eastern Woodland tribes. They were the ones that the colonists met first. Then you had the Great Plain tribes in the middle, and then you had the Western tribes on the left, or the West Coast.

So I can see in your notes you're drawing a rough map of the US. No, it's a cat. Oh, okay. I'll turn it to the US. Yeah, well, what's the Florida bit? That's the ears. Oh no, it does look like his ear. There you go.

Fair enough. I'll turn it to the USA though, go on. Yeah, turn it into the USA. So on the east coast? Yeah, huge simplification, but you basically have those that were on the right, those that were in the middle, and those that were in the left. That had distinct cultures.

Now, the people living in North America obviously differed to each other greatly, but also had common beliefs and practices. There's one common belief that will become very important over the next couple of hundred years and throughout this series, because it's completely alien to the Europeans. Now, the Native Americans and the Europeans had a lot in completely alien to the Europeans. Now, the Native Americans and the Europeans had a lot in common. Both groups believed in property. They both acquired wealth. They both acquired status. Warfare existed in Europe and America. Sometimes

victors would take slaves as rewards, just like in Europe. And surprisingly, they just acted like people act all over the world because they're people. However there was one major difference they had with the people of Europe and that is they have no concept of owning land whatsoever. Oh interesting. Yeah now this was a strange concept to them as it would be someone telling us that they owned the air around us. Okay. Do they kind of see the land as a separate thing they shouldn't own? It's just, it's like, well, what's the point? There's so much of it. I can't possibly own it. Well, part of it will be the fact that it certainly wasn't as densely populated,

but equally, it just didn't occur to them that land was something you could own. It was just a thing. If you think about it, owning land is a very abstract thought. What is it when you own land? Is it the soil you own? How far down do you own it? Do you own it to the centre of the earth? What's going on here, really? Oh, that's a thought. Yeah, it's a bit of an abstract concept. Especially if you live over a tube station. Yes, that's mine. Do you own that part? Yeah. Yeah. That's when the train goes past. Mine! Oh, it's gone. Get off my land! Kind of thing. Yeah.

So we're just so used to it that it doesn't seem unusual. But they just found it very, very strange. This becomes a problem. I bet it does. Oh, yes, it does. Because it's about then that the Europeans arrive. Hello! Anyone here?

My goodness, they're big trees. So, next phase. Colonial America! Okay, you probably know the poem. As it goes, in 1492, a small Icelandic boy turned to his father and said, Did you know that great-great-great-great-uncle Leif discovered America on this day, 492 years ago? It's a snappy little poem that all American children learn. Yeah, it sticks in your head.

It really does, yeah. Because obviously it was the Vikings who got there first, but no one really cares about that. No, what's the evidence for that? They landed there, they made a settlement that's been found and dug up. Okay. Go and listen to Saga Thing if you want to know more about it. Unfortunately, we don't have time to go into it.

It is very interesting. Listen to their Greenland Saga or Eric the Red Saga to find out more information. Yes, so Vikings got there first. They found Canada. They didn't go much further south, as far as we can tell. There are some weird theories that they got a lot further, like set up America, but no one believes those theories.

Florida. Yeah. Lovely resort. Yeah, it's just not true. Anyway, back to this day in 1492, because on the same day as that little fishing boy was celebrating his great-great-great-great-great uncle's discovery, there was a man named Columbus discovering the Caribbean. Nice. Yes.

But since Columbus never set foot on what would become the United States of America, we don't really need to worry too much about Columbus. the Caribbean. Nice. Yes. But since Columbus never set foot on what would become the United States of America, we don't really need to worry too much about Columbus. Yeah, it did go to Puerto Rico, to be fair, which counts. Yeah. But no mainland America. No, okay. Columbus died believing that he was still sailing just off the coast

of Asia. He never fully accepted the fact he'd discovered a new continent. That'd be great, though, wouldn't it? Well, yeah Well yeah it would because there was another man named Vespucci. Vespucci? He sounds so Italian. He was Italian. Yes! Yes well done. Point to you. Yeah he finally concluded that this was a new continent. There's no way this is Asia. Look just looks wrong. Got another half a mile world to go yet. Yeah. Because yeah be sure sure you work that out from just navigation. He's nowhere near Asia. Unless he thought it stretched across, I guess.

They didn't have much to go on, though. I mean, they were still using descriptions from Marco Polo to try and figure out whether they were there or not. It was all new discovery. Very exciting times. But, yeah, Vespucci said, no, this is a new continent. And therefore it shall be named after me. That's why we call it Vespucci said, no, this is a new continent. Therefore, it shall be named after me. That's why we call it Vespucci Land. Nice.

No, his first name was Amerigo. Amerigo, America. Oh, I get it now. That's clever. There we go. So yes, and that's how we have the name. So shortly afterwards, the two civilizations meet. And for a very brief time,

it was advantageous to everyone. I heard they got on really well to start with. Oh yeah, no, it genuinely was really good. The Americans had never seen rice, oats, barley, grapes, coffee, olives, smallpox. We'll get to that. They hadn't seen pigs, cattle, horses. So all this new stuff started coming over. They hadn't seen horses? No. I thought they were native. No. That's interesting.

So when you watch films like The Revenant and they're using horses, they're using their own weapons against them. Yes. Wow. You could say that. Yeah. Horses hugely changed the culture of the people living in North America because all of a sudden they could hunt a lot more effectively.

Yeah. See that bison's really far over there. We can get it. Yeah. Hooray! And then the bison started dying out because everyone could hunt bisons because everyone now had horses.

Yeah. And the settlers certainly did. Oh, yes. But also Europeans, obviously, huge discoveries. Maize, potatoes, tomatoes, peanuts, pumpkins, cacao, or cocoa, chocolate. Yeah. Guinea pigs, bison, cougars. Guinea pigs?

Yeah. Cougars? Cougars. Ooh. Yeah. Hey. As in the animal, Jamie. The animal cougars.

Oh. I'm with you. Like the big cat thing. The big cat thing, yes. All right. Yes. So the first European explorers eagerly traded, guaranteed to get rich back home. Look at all this new exciting stuff.

And the people in America were soon reaping the benefits, not just of new food, but new technology. For a bit. Wouldn't it be nice if this is where the story ended? It'd be great. They all got on forever after. Because there were two things that Native Americans could not have

seen coming. One, as you predicted, was already there. Disease. Smallpox. Malaria. Yellow fever. And countless other diseases ran rampant throughout the continent. And the people there just simply were not ready for it.

They had no immunity. People started dying in droves, which is really bad timing, because the second thing they couldn't have seen coming was the Europeans' greed for gold and land. Two things in abundance in the Americas, but two things that the people living on those continents did not associate particularly with wealth or status.

It's a shiny yellow metal. It's rubbish. It doesn't do anything. It bends and all sorts. Can't make weapons out of it. Yeah. That's not to say gold was worthless. This idea that it was just lying in the streets isn't true. It did have a value, but it wasn't as valuable as it was in Europe.

And the Europeans were now coming. The clash of these cultures was not going to end well. First to come along were the Spanish. One soldier at the time wrote, We came here to serve God and the king. And also get rich. In brackets. Yeah.

We are having to really simplify this quite a lot. But very quickly Spain gained a huge amount of America. From modern-day Chile to Mexico, most of the Caribbean, Florida, along to California, and then up the west coast to modern Washington State, Seattle. That's a huge area. Yeah. Although most of the Spanish land in modern USA was very sparsely populated. The Spanish were looking for gold, really, and it wasn't really found as much in the north. Yeah, West Coast was the best place to go.

Yeah, but you'd found it more in the south, like South America. So that's where the Spanish really headed. But this is why there's lots of Spanish culture in the west in the US today. It's why Los Angeles is called Los Angeles, because it's originally a Spanish settlement. Okay. Yes. It should be noted that the first form of European government in the modern United States of America was actually in Santa Fe,

when a Spanish royal governor arrived. This is the year 1610, which is also when the English arrived. So when the English arrived, to begin with, actually on the other side of the continent was a Spanish settlement with a government. A local government, but a government set up. That's interesting, because you hear these stories about the Great Crossing over the... Yeah.

You know, the Spanish had been there for hundreds of years. Yeah, exactly. That's a very English, colonial-centric view. Yeah. The Spanish had definitely already gone to the West Coast. And the Russians as well. Yeah, they were coming over. It was easy for them to nip across the ice floes.

They were back. They were jumping over them again. But we're going to leave the Spanish there, because it is time to start talking about... English colonies! Right, and now we're going to really start setting up the idea of the presidents, because before the revolution, there were 13 colonies that revolted. So we need to learn what were those 13 colonies, and why did they revolt? Yeah, and that's pretty much the rest of this episode.

So to begin with, let's look at the South. Okay, again, simplification, but the Spanish had dominated world politics for a while, but the French were catching up, and the English and Dutch were not too far behind. In England, a man named Gilbert, which is brilliant, convinced the Queen to start a new colony in modern Rhode Island. Which Queen?

Queen Elizabeth I. I guess Elizabeth IV, 1610, right? Yes. Good. She'd be dead nine years. It would have been an awkward meeting. Just sat at the grave. Hello, Greenie.

Got a great idea. So he sets off west, does Gilbert. But not too accurately, because he landed far too far north. Not too much of a problem, though, because no one had claimed this bit yet. So Gilbert claimed it for the crown. He'd found some land in the Americas. It's now ours. Gilbert was brave, enterprising, but rubbish at naming things.

Is this... OK, it's either one of two things. Yeah. It's either Virginia. Yeah. After the Queen. Yeah. Or the East Indies.

No, no. He'd newly found this land. Yeah. So he called it... Newfoundland. Newfoundland, yes. Gilbert was clearly awful at this land. Yeah. So he called it... Newfoundland. Newfoundland, yes. Gilbert was clearly awful at naming things. Yeah, Newfoundland was found.

It's just embarrassing, really, isn't it? No wonder everyone hates us. Gilbertland would have been better. Gillland. Lots of fish. Yeah, been good. Anyway, Gilbert realised it was a bit nippy in what would become Canada, so he decided to head home.

Unfortunately, he never made it. He was never seen again. And even today, he still wanders the North Sea. Yeah, trying to find the oldfound land. However, Gilbert had a more famous half-brother. His name was Sir Walter Reller. Or Rally. Rally.

Yeah. Sorry, I'm watching too much Black Edda. Sir Walter Relly. He had also decided to set up colonies in the new land, although he didn't go himself. He was aiming for the same spot as his half-brother, but he also missed, but ended up too far south. This found me terrible at navigating.

To be fair, no one had gone there before from England. It'd be quite tricky. I mean, you could just say, look, just... Go straight. Just go west and you'll hit it. But hit it where exactly? And it does make me think, how would they know that they made it in the right place?

It's not like there's any signposts. You'd just see some land. And any map that Gilbert would have made would have been lost because he didn't return. Yeah. So how do I know what he called it? Maybe that's why it's called Duval. No, I'm guessing, because I did think this, I'm guessing other people went back separately and people sent letters back on a different ship, maybe.

What? It seems ridiculous. It is. It's weird to think of it. Maybe someone's left there. Because they would have probably built something. But Gilbert wouldn't have returned with everyone. He would have gone back and left some people

who may have survived a bit longer. And then they went back or maybe a colony of like a convoy of ships rather yeah perhaps that makes sense yeah and don't forget america has been discovered for quite some time that's true now we're talking a good hundred years almost so there are ships going around the place it's just this is england's first attempt okay yeah so but i know what you mean it's's strange to think of this time of discovery. Yeah. And people who dared to do it.

There's no way I'd be getting on that ship. That'd be mental. It would. Anyway, Raleigh had decided that when some new land was found, they'd name it a bit better than his half-brother had. He declared that it should be called Virginia. After Queen Elizabeth. After his virgin queen.

I imagine there was lots of smothered coughs in the royal court that day. Virgin, you say? Yeah. Raleigh sent a second expedition with a man called White in charge. White and his people arrived in the correct place.

Well done. And they set up a colony. White's granddaughter called Virginia Dare was born. This is an amazing name for the first English person born in America. Nice. Yeah. It sounds like a college game.

It sounds awful. Not good. Anyway, so White then said he just needed to pop home for supplies to his family. Because there's nothing here. Yeah, there's nothing here. I'll just pop back. Just stay here. Try not to die.

I'll be back soon. You won't even miss me. Unfortunately for all involved, the whole Spanish Armada thing happened. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it took three years for White to get back. In 1590, he finally returned, presumably with his pint of milk and a loaf of bread. Pretty congealed.

Yeah. Got the bread. Sorry, guys, I forgot the eggs. Oh, where is everyone? Because everyone was gone. We have no idea what happened to this lost colony. Perhaps killed by the native population, killed by the Spanish,

perhaps starved to death because White didn't return with his supplies quick enough. We simply don't know. So, Queen Lizzie dies in 1603, with no colonies at all in the New World. Things are not going well for England here. However, the English had just defeated the mighty Spanish at sea. And I was starting to think this whole navy business sounded like a good idea. Being an island nation and everything.

Yeah, maybe we should see what we can do with the whole ship thing. So James I looked at what the Spanish had been doing in America and decided that Britain wanted a bit of that. Sounded pretty good. Yeah. The Spanish model of expansion was simple. Go to America, steal anything not nailed down, and take some priests with you so you can claim that you were doing God's work.

Sounds good. Yeah. Good blueprint for invasion. Yeah. So this sounds like an efficient plan to James, so we set up the Virginia Company. Nice. Yeah, okay, we lost our Virginia colony, but that's fine, we can start up a new one, he thinks. Lost our Virginia.

Yes. The aim was to bring the Christian religion to those who lived in the miserable darkness of ignorance of the true knowledge and worship of God. And if you happen to spot any gold it'd be rude not to bring it back you really like rubies as well yes beautiful obviously in real life the aim is basically go over there see what you can see can we get rich here in particular can we stop being dependent on Spain? England were really starting to think, you know what, we can be a superpower here. If we no longer need pitch, tar, wine, citrus, etc. from Spain, if we can create that ourselves, then we can just rush ahead of the Spanish. We

already know we can beat them militarily. So that's the idea. In 1607, 105 men and boys arrived in what would become Virginia. After four whole months at sea, a third of them had died on the way over. Ooh, that's brutal. Oh, they're probably the lucky ones. Oh. Still, they found a promising-looking river. Nice, big-looking river that might cut right through the continent. Might be able to reach Asia if we go up here.

They didn't know, did they? They didn't know. Exactly. It was worth a try. So off they go. They travelled 40 miles inland and thought, actually, let's just stop. I'm tired. They set up Jamestown. Yay! Yes. Named after probably King James

or maybe one of the people who just got off the boat was called James. Just happened to be. Within nine months, only 39 people were still alive. They're not good odds, are they? They're not. You've had a one in three chance of surviving so far. No. A man named Smith, a 27-year-old,

had taken over and was running the colony as a military dictatorship. Without the military. So just a dictatorship. Perhaps this was for the best, however, because the people who had been selected for the trip were hardly upstanding citizens. And Smith announced that those that did not work would not eat. Ooh, yeah. It wasn't nice in Jamestown. No work, no gr Ooh. Yeah. It wasn't nice in Jamestown. No work, no grub.

Yeah. Without help of the native population, the Algonquins, the colony would have starved very quickly. But the Algonquins came along, showed them how to plant some crops. Nice. Yeah.

And Jamestown was able to struggle on for a bit longer, staying alive just long enough to catch diseases. Yay. All sorts catch diseases. Yay. All sorts of diseases. Jamestown was surrounded by marshes, great militarily, bad for hygiene. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Ah.

So it was decided a couple of years later when some new settlers arrived. Hooray. Fresh blood. Thank God someone else is here. We have something to eat. We'll get to that. Someone else is here. We have something to eat.

We'll get to that. When the new settlers arrived in 1609, it was decided they should be seasoned. Oh. Oh. Oh, yes. The only way to make sure that they would survive smallpox, malaria, etc., was to give it to them and see if they'd survive. Okay. So that was your welcome off the boat.

I thought you meant, like, you know, pepper. No, we'll get to that. Survival of the fittest really meant something back in those days. It really did, didn't it? Come off the boat. You get off the boat, you look around, there's a couple of what generously could be called huts. Lots of people looking half

dead and just passing you a cup of puss. This is not what I expected. Just walk off, there's coffee on you. I'm licking my face. Get off. They were saying. Yeah, not fun times.

And still, things did not improve. Their horses were soon eaten. People were starving. People then started resorting to eating the leather off their shoes. And the most disturbing story is of a man who killed and ate his pregnant wife. Two for one meal, I guess. A story that has an added detail, which is he salted her first. Oh. Oh. That has an added detail, which is he salted her first.

Oh. Oh. Apparently he was tortured and killed by the others for this crime. However, if this was true, he wasn't the only one, because in 2013 the remains of a 14-year-old girl was discovered. The chips in her bones are consistent with the butchering of meat. Jamestown turned to cannibalism. That's dark.

Things were desperate. However, at some point, the locals showed these starving, desperate people how to grow tobacco. Yay! This will make everything better. You guys really look like you're struggling here. I've got this image of, like, you know, Ben, Jamestown, year three. Yeah. Just been shown tobacco.

Oh, brilliant. Year five, they're, like, cooking up meth. In one of the huts. It wasn't quite that bad. Well, actually, no, this was quite good for them, actually. This is a lifeline. They finally had something they could sell. That's true.

If they could sell things, maybe they could buy things like food. I'm surprised it caught on, though, because, you know, if you've ever taken a puff from a cigarette for the first time, it's like... Well, people had started smoking in Europe by this time. Oh, OK. Because, remember, this isn't the first time Europeans have seen tobacco, it's just the first time Jamestown have tobacco.

So they're able to sell this. It now means that this pathetic little colony of despair might be useful enough to London for the mother country to actually care about them. However, things didn't change overnight. Over the next decade 14,000 people

had arrived in Jamestown. The population was 1,132. Oh. You had less than a 1 in 10 chance of survival. That's not good, is it? It's not, no.

Several reforms happened that we don't have time to go into, unfortunately, but by 1619, 12 years after the founding of the settlement, things had started to take a turn for the better. Or at least it had for some people. Some of the reforms included offering people land in return for them going to America and growing tobacco. So new people would arrive and say, does this land belong to anyone? No, don't worry, the locals don't believe in land ownership.

Oh great, I'll go and settle there then. However, the locals don't believe in land ownership. Oh, great. I'll go and settle there then. However, it turned out that despite the fact that the Algonquins didn't believe in land ownership, they also didn't believe in being thrown off their farms because they didn't have a bit of paper. So they fought back.

Unsurprisingly, killing a quarter of all the colonists. When you've only got a 1 in 10 chance of survival. You've got zero point. It's not looking good. But this was not enough. The Algonquins put a big dent in the colonists.

However, the colonists were technologically superior. So they were able to attack back in force. Over the next 50 years, the Algonquins, who remember, had helped the colonists enough that they ensured their survival, had been reduced from 24,000 to 2,000. Wow. Yeah, they were massacred over a period of 50 years. That's insane.

Yeah, not great. It's at this time a new population of people started to arrive. In 1619, 20 men were sent down into the port. These 20 men were the first African slaves in the US. Just add a bit more misery into this melting pot of despair. Tobacco was not easy to farm, and without cheap labour, it was hard to make a profit. With free labour, however... To begin with, indentured servants

were the most common form of labour. So people would sell themselves to a fixed term of servitude. In return, they'd get a free journey over to the New World and after time was up, they could set up their own farm. Yeah? Nice, yeah. That's quite nice. However, obviously most were too ill, poor or dead to do so.

So it wasn't a great system, but it wasn't as bad as slavery. No. Because at least there was an end in sight. And by this time, a new colony had appeared in the north. Lord Baltimore had been given land by Charles I and his son set

up a colony that he called Maryland after Charles' wife. And Baltimore was the capital of Maryland. Yes, exactly. It did not take long before ex-servants, so the indentured servants, started moving north to find land there. Learning from the mistakes of the founding of Virginia, Maryland quickly became self-sufficient

through the growing and selling of tobacco. All the while, slaves started pouring into the colonies, firmly entrenching a slave economy. Oh. So that's how the South started. Yeah. Not fun. No.

However, this isn't the only settlement going on at the time. It says another settlement in the North. Oh. New England! So, in the North, a new type of colony was emerging. The start of the Northern Colonies, or New England. This place reminded England so much. You're quite creative, Tom.

What should we call it? New England. Yeah, New England. New England will work, yeah. Will do. We are so bad at naming things. That place down there reminds me of York. It's all the swamps and stuff.

Yeah. Due to the royal infighting of the Tudors, England now found itself Protestant, but with a liberal coating of Catholicism sprinkled on top. Some did not feel that the country had become Protestant enough and wanted to start a new land where they could set up an example to the rest of the world, a religious utopia. Sounds like a fun place.

Yeah. In 1620, about 100 men, women and children arrived in Plymouth. They'd left from Plymouth. Again, the curse of the poor naming strikes. It's not even New Plymouth, it's just Plymouth. This is now Plymouth. Half of them were dead by the end of winter. The other half would have been dead if a man named Tisquantum had not shown them how to plant and grow corn.

That was nice of him. By the end of autumn, with a crop growing healthily, the locals and the migrants both shared a feast to celebrate. Thanksgiving. Yes, this is what inspired the Thanksgiving celebrations. Everyone working together. Isn't that nice? Until... Tisquantum was able to broker a peace between the locals and the colonists

because he could speak English. Several years earlier, he'd been kidnapped and shipped to Europe. Yay! By the time he was able to return, he found that his entire tribe had died due to disease. We have no time to go into his life, but it's fascinating. If we ever have special episodes on non-presidents, he's going on the list. Okay. He is an interesting guy. Anyway, Plymouth was soon overtaken in terms of importance by Boston and the Massachusetts Bay Company not far away. A man named Winthrop was the leader there. He also

saw Massachusetts as a beacon of religion to the New World. The true faith of Protestantism could be followed. He hated democracy for how slow and corrupt it was, and equally he wasn't too keen on other religions. Catholics, Quakers, Anglicans, Baptists were not particularly well known.

A lovely utopia. Somewhat inevitably, this led to problems. Soon enough, there were factions. Somewhat inevitably, this led to problems. Soon enough, there were factions. Some found that Winthrop's enforced religion was a bit too similar to Catholicism. So a man named Williams argued that church and state should be completely separated. He also was not too keen on the idea of forcing Christianity onto the Native Americans. Williams was exiled from the church and banished back to England.

However, he slipped away and set up a new colony that became Rhode Island. Ah. Rhode Island became known for being a bit... What's the word? Not towing the line. Belligerent.

I might be a bit too far, but yeah. They weren't going to do what other people said just because other people said them. Very independent. Yeah, independent. That's a better way of saying it. Others, in a less acrimonious split, left Massachusetts and headed for the Connecticut River. Once there, they set up a new colony, Connecticut.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good at naming. Although, to be fair, this is the first time we see something named based on a local language. Yeah, okay. Oh, actually, no, Massachusetts as well. Oh, right. Yeah, okay. We've got a couple now.

Yeah. The final New England colony, New Hampshire, the creation's a bit messy, so we're not really going to go into it. All you need to know is it became a separate entity to Massachusetts, to the north. But things were not going too smoothly. Native Americans that were not dying due to epidemics were steadily being driven off their land through duplicity

or just straight-up violence. In 1636, settlers in Massachusetts accused a Pequot, one of the local tribes, of murdering a colonist. The village of the man was burnt down, and as the Pequot men, women and children fled, they were shot down. The escalation of violence did not end there, you'll be unsprised to learn, as the Pequot attacked back. During the short war that followed, hundreds of Pequots were slaughtered. One Puritan minister described this as sweet sacrifice. Meanwhile, the attempts to Christianise the Native Americans was not going well. Well, it wouldn't.

The chief of the Wampanoags, possibly Wampanaags. I apologise for butchering that. Yeah, the chief was a man named Metacomot. And he was not happy. So he planned to fight back. Perhaps partly because he had had to have his name changed to Philip. He's a bad name, to be fair. We apologise to all Philips I was going to say

If you had a quite cool name Like his original name You wouldn't choose Phil as your first name choice would you Well according to two books That I read He volunteered to have his name changed Him and his brother did But I can't help but feel

He wouldn't have chosen to call himself Philip had the English not have been there. No. No, I think maybe this was a bit of a cultural push on the English part. Well, the first thing you do in a base somewhere, change the names. Yeah, exactly. Take away their identity. Yeah. However, this is why the following war is referred to as King Philip's War. Oh, okay. Yeah. In 1674, John Sassaman, a native American who had converted to Christianity, was found dead in a frozen pond. The colonists convicted three Wampanoag men and hanged them. The Wampanoags then started raiding farms in vengeance.

Soon, one of the raiders was shot. So the raiders beheaded the group of Puritans. Can you see what's happening here? A slight escalation. A slight escalation, yes. Soon enough, full-scale war had started. Now, in terms of percentage of population killed, this is the deadliest war of colonial history.

Really? The colonists were forced to set up conscription laws to deal with the ferocity of the attacks. However, ultimately, as per usual, the technological advances won out and Metacomet's men suffered a huge defeat. Metacomet himself was shot, his wife and children sold into slavery. His head was then placed on a spike in Plymouth, approximately 50 years after the first Thanksgiving feast.

Wonderful. That's exactly in the same place. So I'm guessing Thanksgiving was a bit awkward that year. Perhaps. Yeah. Awkward looking turkeys goggling past. Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Is that your shocked and disappointed and horrified turkey impression? I'm amazed you got that. Yeah, that's good. I'm impressed. So there you go. That's New England. Nice. We'll leave on that depressing note, as we left on a depressing note in the South as well. Anyway, next.

The rest of the country is... New settlements slowed down whilst the English fought a little civil war and turned into a republic and then turned into a monarchy again. Oh, okay. Yeah, it was a crazy week. But once the monarchy was restored, there was a renewed interest in the colonies. Charles II's brother, James, future James II, was convinced that taking the Dutch colony that lay between New England and Virginia

would be really easy. Turned out, it was really easy. Didn't we buy it off them or something? Or just take? Yeah. New Amsterdam was very multicultural at the time, and most of them had no real allegiance to the Dutch. So when England turned up, most of them went, yeah, okay, you can be in charge. They weren't able to fight back. England

now has all the Dutch territory, which joins up their Northern and Southern territories. New Amsterdam was far, far too unoriginal a name for us, so we changed it to New York. Now this is glossing over a huge war that England had with the Dutch,

but we just don't have time to go into it. Another podcast can cover that. But in North America, all you need to know is that that middle bit changed hands. Yeah. England now have it. So New York, named after James. Not York City, but James the Duke of York. Oh.

Yeah. I didn't know that. That's really interesting. There you go. A little fact for you. That took a few minutes to sink in. Well, that's really interesting. There you go, a little fact for you. That took a few minutes to sink in. Well, that's really interesting. Yeah, so future James II was Duke of York at the time,

so New York is actually named after James II. It's more like New York, then. Because people got confused because there was already a York, I suppose. That's really Plymouth. Yeah. Plymouth Rock. And it's not as if you'd, like, go to the wrong York, would you? It's like, could you just send that letter down to York?

What? Poor postman. Gets his canoe and paddle out. Yeah. Off I go, sir. Anyway, James then granted some of his chums some new land, which they called New Jersey, after the Isle of Jersey, which one of them came from. Rising at this time was the amount of Quakers.

Quakers were pouring into the New World. Quakers had emerged from the Civil War in England. They had some crazy ideas about not killing each other, being friendly to one another, treating women equally. Oh my goodness. I know. Obviously, most people were very suspicious of this

bunch. Clearly up to something. And the Quakers suffered a lot of persecution in the early settlement days. What a crazy idea. I know. Now a man named William Penn decided that they needed a place where they could be friendly together. Let's escape the persecution.

Ah! It's the penny dropped. Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. So, the place to the west of New Jersey, the Woods of Penn. Pennsylvania. Hmm. Yeah.

The area wasn't deserted, because many Dutch, German-speaking, and English settlers were already building up communities in the area, but Penn encouraged others of any other religions to come and join his colony. It was a very friendly kind of come along to Pennsylvania and practice whatever religion you want kind of place. That's nice.

Yeah. He even learned a native language, so he could communicate with the Native Americans and buy land off them. That's right, actually, buy land. They're probably thinking, but it's not our land anyway. Of course, yeah. So for a good 50 years, the natives and the colonists in Pennsylvania got along absolutely fine.

There we go. Not some bad news for a change. That's nice. Things were quite nice there. Until. Well, actually, no, it's still fine. In this province was also a new city, Philadelphia, the city of brotherly love.

It's all very nice in Pennsylvania, isn't it? Yes, so Philadelphia starts to grow. From Pennsylvania came an offshoot to the southeast, butting up against Maryland and Delaware. And that just leaves three colonies to the south. The Carolinas, named

after King Charles. Well, it's just Carolina to begin with. It gets split at some point. Because that's what's on his coin. Yes. I have it. I have a coin with me. Oh, do you? Yes.

Yeah. So there we go. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah, all of these, well, not all of them, but most of these colonies are named after members of our royal family. That's interesting. Yeah.

So Carolina got split into North and South. We don't need to go into why here. The focus in the Carolinas was to turn this into a cash cow using the Caribbean model. Basically, slaves grow tobacco to make money. However, to raise money to start with, the best way was to trade with the Native Americans in the area. You've got to start up somehow. The colonists soon realised that the best thing to trade that the natives had was the natives themselves. Yeah, many, many men were kidnapped and sold into slavery by the colonists. Mostly they were sold to other colonies in the north or to the Caribbean,

because if they were just used as slaves locally, they'd just run away. They'd just run away. Between 1670 and 1715, over 50,000 men, women, and children were exported as slaves from the Carolinas, even more than they were importing from Africa, which was a lot. Yeah, oh. Yeah, slaves going all over the place at this point. Finally, we've got Georgia.

The southernmost and last of the colonies, it was essentially set up as a buffer state to the Spanish in Florida, but soon was producing rice and indigo, making it a commercial success. Nice. So there we go, that's a very brief introduction to the colonies that would eventually become the United States of America. Cool. Quite a lot, so I'm going to sum that up briefly.

In the south, you have the wealthy Virginians and Maryland, the two Carolinas, plus Georgia. All of them dependent completely on slavery for economic success. Tobacco being the most important export. In the middle, you have New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Delaware.

These were more religiously and culturally diverse than the others, partly due to the fact that they used to be Dutch. This is also why the US used words such as cookie and Santa Claus. Really? Yeah, it comes from Dutch origin. Santa Claus.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, wow. There you go. Love a factoid for you. Then you've got the northern New England colonies that were founded by the Pilgrims and the Puritans, people who either hated the Church of England or despised the Church of England.

Inevitably, hopes of a religious utopia faded over time, as people are just people, and most just want to be fed tomorrow and sleep tonight. Due to a mixture of beliefs and the economy, slavery was less prevalent in the North, and people were taught to read and write more. So there you go, that's the colonies. I guess it makes sense from an economic sense as well because in the north the weather is not inclement to as much

farming. Yeah, you didn't get the huge plantations in the north. You just couldn't grow all the stuff, the expensive sugars and tobacco. Yeah, exactly. You just couldn't grow it in the north so it didn't happen so slavery wasn't as prevalent. Really depressing.

There's not much fun about the start of the US history. The thing is that was going on in lots of other European countries at the same time. It's not unique to the US at all. It's certainly not unique to the US. The world was a horrible place. I'd like to say it's got better but let's not get too depressed. This is a fun podcast.

Right, one thing to understand Although some of these colonies had strong links to each other Obviously some of them were offshoots of each other Yeah So they had strong links, some of them But most were very separate The distance from Savannah in Georgia to Boston in Massachusetts Is roughly the same distance as between London and Rome

Oh wow Yeah, that's quite a distance. That is, yeah. So obviously they had very little to do with each other. Most colonies had far more in common with England than they did with each other. They often argued with each other, even fought one another. There was certainly no sense of a United States. These are very separate states to each other.

So let's fast forward a hundred years or so. A firm class system has been established, especially in the South, where the landowning class were at the top, merchants below them, then the workers, and then the servants, and then the slaves. So, a very brief bit

on slavery. We just don't have time to go into this in detail, but we just can't cover the start of the United States without covering slavery. We just don't have time to go into this in detail, but we just can't cover the start of the United States without covering slavery. So here's a brief history of how it started. By 1770, 20% of the population in North America were slaves. How much?

20%. Wow. Yes, most were in the southern colonies, but all colonies enslaved people. This was all part of the transatlantic slave trade, where Europeans would kidnap or buy African people and ship them over to the New World, where they'd be sold. Of course, to lump all these people together as African

ignores the fact that these were people with vastly different cultures to one another. People from the same area were often split up to make resistance less likely. So these were hugely different cultures of people just thrown together and sold into slavery. Yes, over 50 languages were spoken. Over a period of the slave trade, over

10 million people were forcibly moved. 10 million? Yes. Now humanity has done some awful things to one another in history, but this has to be one of the worst. Slavery obviously is bad, full stop, but unfortunately common throughout history. You find it all over the world in all periods of history. What makes the transatlantic slave trade particularly awful is that it wasn't just slavery.

There was a thick layer of racism smothered on top. People were isolated and treated like cattle. Now, unlike, for example, Roman slavery, which we've come across a lot in our other podcast, where you see cases of people becoming ex-slaves or freedmen and actually rising to the very top, becoming the emperor's right-hand man. However, if you were one of the extremely rare Africans to be freed from slavery, you were still a black person in the Americas. There was no need to tattoo a slave in North America. And despite the horrific treatment of the men and the women who were enslaved, or perhaps because of it, a new African-American culture was forged. Particularly strong was the new distinctive music. A mixture of spiritual songs and chants and work songs with a strong rhythm that they could sing whilst being forced to work.

This eventually would lead to blues and jazz and then rock and roll and then pretty much all Western music. Now, like I say, we just don't have enough time to look into this in any more detail, although obviously we will be dealing with the ramifications of this throughout the entire series. If you are listening and you want to know more, and you haven't already, go and check out Mike Duncan's Revolution series.

Because his fourth series in that podcast deals with the Haitian Revolution and he goes into a lot of detail in the slave trade. Fascinating series. Go and listen to that. But now we come to the last part of today's podcast. The Acts.

So we have now roughly got to the birth of our first president. George Washington was born in the same year as Georgia was founded. Okay. So pretty much caught up. However, because a lot is going on at this time, and for those perhaps who are new to US history, I'm just going to very, very, very briefly cover the time up to the Revolutionary War. So Europe at this time was at near constant war with one another, not just militarily, but also economically.

The mercantile system was the prevalent policy of the day, where countries believed that becoming self-sufficient by taking wealth and resources away from others was the only way to stay dominant. Scramble for Africa. Exactly, yes. Obviously, there's a lot more to it than that, but essentially free trade was not seen as good internal trade was. Because of this, almost all trade from the colonies went through British ships, and Britain

obviously had full control of the taxes. Therefore, smuggling was rampant. Yay. Also, so was piracy. Slowly but surely, the colonists were growing more and more resentful of the mother country controlling what they did. We're post-Cabin Time now, aren't we? Yes.

Yes! But we're not quite in that area. Yar! No pirates. Yar! Yeah. I was that disappointed pirates. Yar. Then Britain and France went to war, No pirates. I was that disappointed pirate.

Then Britain and France went to war, as Britain and France loved to do. The war was perhaps inevitable, but when a young Virginian named George Washington executed a Frenchman in a wood somewhere in the New World, the two superpowers had their excuse and the Seven Year War started. Yes, we will be covering this next episode. Britain won. It took all of France's North American territory. Although the French didn't do too badly

because they got some profitable Caribbean islands out of it. However, the Seven Year War had a side effect. Some of the war took place in the Americas. And the colonists suddenly had a lot of soldiers in red coats hanging around doing what soldiers do best, which is infuriate civilians who had to house them. These resentments, on top of economic resentments, created a powder keg. However, every argument has two sides. After all, Britain had spent a fortune on the war. The colonists paid a fraction of tax compared to the English. On average, a colonist paid a fraction of tax compared to the English.

On average, a colonist paid one shilling a year. If you were from England, you paid 26 shillings a year. You see all this wee noise, there's nothing to do with us. We're half a world away, they'd be thinking. No, because the French were in North America. But because they're in North America, I'm happy to pay

my tax. It was English lives defending the colonists from the French. So perhaps, Parliament thought, perhaps the colonists could, you know, like, actually contribute a bit of cash, maybe? America? Do you want? Yeah? Maybe with tea? Some of the colonists were outraged by this suggestion, claiming that the British wished to treat them like slaves.

Yes. And we don't like that at all. It's when the big irony gong went off, but no one paid attention. Anyway, Grenville, the chief minister in England at the time, took a page out of the Roman Emperor Julian's book. If you've not heard our other podcast, you won't know about Julian. But Julian realised that if you wanted to collect more money in taxes, the best way to do it is to actually cut taxes, but then actually collect it. Oh, just say, yeah, that's fine. But then send the boys round. Yeah, essentially. Grenville cut the duty on molasses in half. So a huge tax decrease. He figured that people might actually start paying the tax instead of smuggling if he did this.

He was wrong. The colonists were absolutely outraged. Not because they were blind to hypocrisy, but because the British were, for the first time, openly trying to raise money through taxes, rather than regulate trade through taxes. A distinction that can be blurry, but one that they felt was very important.

Essentially, they were fine for you to use tax to manipulate the markets, but don't use us as a money sponge. You're half a world away. We're not here just to raise money for you, which is fair enough. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately for all involved, the Sugar Act, as it became known as, only annoyed everyone. The columnist felt used. And the tax didn't actually make any money because enforcing it was next to impossible.

So Grenville tries again. This time he taxes paper. This is called the Stamp Act because all paper then had to have a stamp on it. Which must have got in the way of whatever you were trying to do with the paper. Yeah, so I tried. Yeah. Maybe it's small, discreet. Nah, all across.

This big, in the middle, face of George III sneering. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's what it was. Ha-ha. Ha-ha, you stupid colonists. No wonder they were annoyed. This infuriated anyone who used paper in large amounts, such as lawyers and newspaper printers.

His face is all over the place. Just the kind of people that you really don't want to make enemies out of. Also, despite it being peacetime, the Quartering Act went through. Colonists now had to, by law, feed the British troops, and also house them, despite there not being a war on. Why were these redcoats still here anyway? The colonists

pointed out that, as Englishmen, because that's what they saw themselves at the time, they were Englishmen, they had the rights of all Englishmen. And one of those was that you should not be taxed without being represented in Parliament. Widespread protests by men and women spread throughout the colonies, a boycott of British goods started.

A big deal to Britain, because they made a lot of money selling luxury goods to the colonies. Then, in 1765, Massachusetts invited the other colonial assemblies to get together and talk this through as a group. A united group, you could almost say. Nine states turn up, and together this stamp tax congress announced that no tax should be imposed upon them but with their own consent. Grenville declared the colonists as ungrateful.

Oh, burn. Harsh words. Oh, burn. Harsh words. Yeah. He quickly invented the microphone so he could drop it and then leave. Oh, yeah. However, for various reasons unrelated to America,

Grenville was soon out of power and the Stamp Act was retracted. But Parliament realising this looked a little bit too much like they were bound to pressure from the colonies, produced the Declaratory Act, which is a brilliant act. It's basically a statement that declared,

the Parliament had the power to make laws binding on the colonies in, I quote, all cases whatsoever. In other words, yeah, we won't tax you, but we could. We just don't want to right now. Yeah. But, I mean, nothing to do with pressure. We're just not going to do it right now. But we could. We just don't want it right now. Yeah. But, I mean, nothing to do with pressure. We're just not going to do it right now. But we could.

We don't want it. No, no. However, any sense of victory in the colonies was short-lived because Townsend was now in charge in Britain and he was not happy. The Revenue Act put tax on various things such as glass, lead, paper, tea just to regulate trade.

Honest. You said regulating trade was fine. Okay? Yeah? No. It was not alright. No. It was not. Tensions built again. In Boston, a wig maker accused a British officer of not paying his bill. The officer ignored this, but a nearby soldier was not happy at the man's rudeness. This turned into an argument, which turned into a riot, which ended up with civilians throwing snowballs and soldiers firing guns. That's an unfair advantage, isn't it?

It really is. You turn up on the day. Which team am I going to be on? Can I be on the team with the guns, please? It's got the image now of these children having a fun snowball fight. Army knocks his hat off, turns around. Well, five people died, unfortunately. Only five?

Well, we will cover this more. This became known as the Boston Massacre. And one of our future presidents was involved in the aftermath. So we will come across this in a few episodes' time. It certainly did nothing to relieve tensions, however. So, tensions building. Again, in Boston, things reached a boil. A new act, the Tea Act, comes in,

which was simply an attempt to help the East India Company. That's all it was. East India Company were awful and they needed some baning out. So Parliament put through the Tea Act. Considering the tensions going on at the time, this shows typical aloof blindness from the British here. Ignorance. Yeah, this is full-on colonial Britain at its finest.

Yeah. Such a stupid thing to do. Without going into the details, because we don't have time, the Act meant that colonial tea merchants would be undercut and soon go out of business. Mainly due to the fact that the new tea would be even cheaper than the tea that the colonial merchants

were smuggling in. Again, from the British side, you can see a, but we're making it cheaper for you. What's the problem? But from the colonial side, yeah, but we get all our tea illegally, so actually this is going to put us out of business. Yeah. Yeah.

Tea was a big trade. The colonists loved the stuff as much as the homeland did. But that did not stop most tea ships being turned around. In Boston, however, internal politics had gotten in the way and the tea ship docked. But it was not allowed to unload and clear customs. Nor could it leave because you can't leave until you've cleared customs. the way and the T-ship docked, but it was not allowed to unload and clear customs,

nor could it leave, because you can't leave until you've cleared customs. Yes. Bit of a catch, weren't you? Yeah, bit of a

legal bind going on there. Then, one evening, a group of men, bizarrely between 30 and 130, a strange number. Yeah, it's between

like one and a thousand. Some men, some men yeah disguised themselves in indian dress and boarded the ship threw off all the tea into the water quick side note on this the indian dress thing is often mentioned but without context and i've often wondered about this so i looked into it indian dress was not like full headgear ceremonial dress. It was blankets and painted faces. In other words, simple attire that would disguise them. Yeah.

They were not trying to make it look like the Mohawks, the local tribe, had done the crime. Yeah. They were just simply trying to disguise themselves. Like wearing a balaclava now. Yeah. That said, I saw in a number of places that the colonists dressed this way to symbolise that they were American rather than British, which I hate to say, but I think is frankly laughably generous. No, a majority of colonists were not thinking about independence at this point and would actually have been offended if you suggested that they had more in common with the Mohawks than they did with the British. So this was not some sense of solidarity with the native population here.

It was simply disguising themselves because what they were doing was illegal. Anyway, this, as I'm sure you've worked out, is the Boston Tea Party. Yay! And the reaction was predictably an escalation of tension. Britain passed the Intolerable Acts. You should probably note that this was not the name given in Britain. We weren't quite that bad at giving names to things. I think we should pass the Intolerable Acts.

We should call this the Evil Git Act. Yes, exactly. These were a group of acts that were thinly disguised punishments for the unrest. Actually, to be fair, some of them weren't even disguised. They were just straight-up punishments. Massachusetts lost the ability to appoint any civic officers at all. Britain would choose all levels of local government. Also, Boston had its ports closed completely until they had paid back all the money for that tea.

No shipping for you, Boston. It's interesting because I know that event is why the USA drink coffee instead of tea. Yes. It's interesting, isn't it? That and the fact that coffee tastes far nicer than tea. Get out. It's true, Jamie. No, it's not.

It's definitely true. No, it's not. Anyway, the idea behind closing the ports of Boston and stripping away their rights to self-govern was to scare the other colonies into submission. Yeah. Makes you wonder if anyone in the British government at the time had ever

read a history book. Because, of course, this did the exact opposite. Of course it did. In 1774, 12 of the 13 colonies met up to form the first Continental Congress. Georgia didn't turn up. They were having a bit of trouble with the Native Americans

and were more than happy with the idea of increased soldier presence. But still, 12 out of 13, not bad showing. This Congress was the seed that led to the first US government. A continental-wide ban of imports from Britain was arranged, bar a couple of exceptions. No one wanted to go bankrupt or anything. King George was not happy when he found out. He wrote, blows must decide.

So, this is roughly why the Revolutionary War starts. However, it is very important to remember, this is why a bunch of rich people in America got annoyed with a bunch of rich people in England. Most of this was above most people's heads. Yeah. In the 1830s, a 91-year-old ex-soldier was asked about his role in the revolution and about British oppression. He replied, what were they? Oppression? I didn't feel it. The people interviewing him were quite shocked by this, so asked about the stamp tax. Surely you were oppressed by the stamp tax.

The soldier replied, I never saw one of those stamps. I'm certain I never paid a penny for one of them. Asked about the tea tax. He replied, tea tax? I never drank a drop of the stuff. People interviewing him, possibly getting a bit desperate by this point, asked him, then why did you fight? And the reply was, young man, what we meant going in for those redcoats was this.

We had always governed ourselves, and we always meant to. They didn't mean that we should. So in reality, the revolution was not about tax. It was about people saying, no, you're too far away to enforce your rules so do one yeah yeah it's a big middle finger up to exactly yeah it's like you you can't keep taking money off us we don't care but it's not actually that much money in comparison to what you guys

are paying you can't stop us from doing what we want. So we're going to do what we want. Makes you think, though, it's like, if ever we put a colony on the moon, I feel something very similar would happen onto Mars, because, like, well... Well, yeah, exactly. They're self-sufficient. Well, we're still fine here. Independence of America probably was inevitable at some point. Yeah. That taxes just...

It was an excuse. Well, it's the catalyst. Yes, yeah. Yeah. People were understandably annoyed for certain reasons, but you get the feeling it was going to happen one's the catalyst. Yes, yeah. Yeah. People were understandably annoyed for certain reasons but you get the feeling it was gonna happen one way or another. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. So there we go. We've reached the start of the Revolutionary War so we're gonna stop there because obviously George Washington had a bit to say about that. He got involved. I hear something. And next time we are going to be

looking at the entire life of George Washington and decide how interesting was he really. Teeth and all. Yes, definitely. What do you think? What's your predictions on old Georgie? I think he'll sign some sort of declaration. Right, okay. Carrying some independence.

I think one of the people may be signing that, I guess. Yeah. I think because there's a war and he's going to rise to the top during that, either, and it might just be he's a big political manoeuvrer. I'm getting that impression. Okay. Maybe, you know, we'll see.

We'll see, won't we? Yeah. Because that is next time on American Presidents. Don't tell us, Ryan Keogh. In the meantime, if this is the first time you've ever heard us and you quite enjoyed the episode, we've got literally over a hundred episodes about Roman emperors, so go and check those out. Yeah.

Yeah. If you've listened to all the Roman ones, then thanks for coming along and listening to this one as well. Yeah. I hope you enjoyed it. Yeah. Don't forget you can follow us on Facebook and Twitter under AmericanPresidentSitHouseRankium and Twitter just as SitHouseRankiumPod. You can also download us from Podbean, iTunes, and Stitcher.

Yes, and if you've enjoyed the first episode, think about leaving us a review on iTunes. That would be very helpful. Yeah. And also, before we go, a couple of thank yous. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you to the people at Rex Factor.

They're the people who first inspired us to do our other podcast. And I'd also like to thank the two hosts of Roman Emperor's Totalus Rankium. I hear they're very dedicated, dedicated. Oh, dedicated as hell. Yeah. They don't like this podcast, though. Well, no, they're very judgmental. It has to be ancient or nothing. Ancient or get out, that's their bumper sticker. Yeah. Also,

if you're really into US history and you want to hear more right away, and this isn't in the future, so you can't listen to the next episode right away, then go and check out People vs POTUS. They are, like us, rating every single American president one by one, but they're doing it differently to us. They're very much more policy focused, whereas we're more going to be biography focused. I think our podcasts will complement each other well. I think they're just about to do Andrew Jackson, I think our podcast will complement each other well. Nice. They are, I think they're

just about to do Andrew Jackson I think is their next one, so they're not too far ahead. Brilliant podcast, go and check it out if you've not already. Sounds good. Yeah, until next time then. Goodbye. Goodbye. SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS

SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS SIREN WAILS The farm's running, but we lack identity. We need some names, guys. What's wrong with our names?

Well, we're in Newfoundland. Yes, it's a new land that's been found. Newfoundland. Can we not come up with something a bit more sparky? No, what do you need that's sparky? Everyone knows exactly where it is. It makes sense. Okay, Newfoundland might be fine, but the village's name?

What, the village? Yeah, it's a bit unpersonal. Can we not stamp a bit of personality onto that? But it's accurate. It is. Everyone knows it's a village, it's not a town. But how do we distinguish it from the village too? Well, it's got a two after it. And the other village, you know,

a village that is a bit further away. Can we at least rename the farms? What's wrong with the names? They're wonderful. Farm with tree, farm with cow, farm near farm with cow. They are fantastically accurate names. I don't see your problem here. You know what, Child 3? I don't want you on this committee anymore. That's fine. If that's the way you feel, then me and all of my brothers, we're leaving.

Come on, Child 4, and Drunken Mistake in Paris. Let's go!