American Presidents: Totalus Rankium - 10.2 John Tyler

Episode Date: December 8, 2018

Ok, so he didn't do great last time, but now he is president, and with that comes the opportunity to wow us. Find out how he annoyed pretty much everyone, including his children, until he finally went away! Also: was he a pervy old man? Did he contribute to the almost-collapse of the republic? Did he have a *ahem* massive cannon? Find out!

Welcome to Totalus Rankium, this week, Tutiler Part 2! Hello and welcome to American Presidents. I'm Talas Rankium. I am Jamie. And I'm Rob, ranking all of the presidents from Washington to Trump. And this is episode 10.2, the second part of John Tyler. Ah, not bad. Yes. Well, he was actually. I didn't quite like him last time. No, you weren't hugely impressed.

I'll be honest, I don't remember that many facts. However, what I do remember is a feeling of not liking him. Well, we'll see how we go with this episode. Yeah. Oh, slavery, that was it. Yeah, yeah. Well, we'll do a quick recap. We should probably mention the big news in terms of presidents

this week. I'll just let it go by. This week, George H.W. Bush passed away. Yeah, it's by. This week, George H.W. Bush. Oh, yes. Passed away. Yes, he did. Yeah, it's a while until we get to him. But big news in the president scene. Yeah.

I think there's currently only four presidents still alive. There's Jimmy Carter. Yeah. Clinton. Yeah. Obama. Mm-hmm. George Bush.

Yeah. George W. That's it. Carter's still going. He's 94. He seems like such a nice man as well. He does, yeah. I watched an interview with him not long ago, and he just seemed like a nice old man.

Oh. Yeah. I wonder if he'll be like that when we get to the episode. We'll see. We'll see. That's about three years into the future, though. Anyway, these are all future presidents, because now it's John Tyler.

Yeah. And we got right up to where he was president so you're ready to see what his presidency's like you got your dream didn't you yeah dying that's happened it actually worked right quick recap here okay john tyler born into the virginian aristocracy yep he had a glorious military career remember yeah yeah yeah he fell down some stairs that's the one um he married Letitia. Okay. Yeah, good, good. There's agreement there.

He was briefly a lawyer and then became a politician. He fell out with the Democrats because he hated Jackson. Very much a states rights man. Yeah. Due to this, the Whigs made him vice president nominee. Yeah. He refused, didn't he? To begin with, because he wants to be vice president and he wanted to become a senator.

To begin with, because he wants to be vice president and he wanted to become a senator. But then after that vote reached deadlock, that was when he was battling against Freddie Mercury, remember? Yes. Yeah. So then in the conference, he agreed, yes, go on then, I'll become the vice president nominee. Because obviously he wouldn't have got that if Clay had become the nominee. True. But Harrison did. So Tyler seemed like a sensible choice.

No one really checked to see his beliefs. Does he really fit in with the Whig party? He did. He hates Jackson. How bad can this be? So, yeah, then Harrison becomes president. Tyler became vice president. Harrison died. Tyler became president. Nice.

Okay, so that's our recap. Brilliant. So, this week's our recap. Brilliant. So, this week, in the John Tyler film, John Tyler Part 2, open on a blank screen. Okay. So it's just black. Yeah. Yeah.

And you just hear, just really, really softly, just a man singing. Singing an old Revolutionary War song. It's a bit echoey and tinny and warbly. Yeah you're hearing it through through like a tin can a tin can or something like yeah it's a bit distorted and then there's a muffled explosion yes just like that then fade in you start to see shapes blurry shapes okay a sight of a wooden floor. You're panning over it. The wooden floor is covered in red stains. And as it pulls into focus a bit more, you realise it's blood.

Oh yes. Not paint. Not paint. The song is still weakly going in the background. And then fade back to black. Then, muffled screams. Fade back in again in again now you see bodies in formal dress

torn to pieces all over the wooden floor torn to pieces fade to black again are you mixing this up with the Saw films? no no no trust me the rough voice of someone demanding to know where the president is filtering through from the side.

Where's the president? That kind of thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then everything fades to black again. You're just left with that tinny Revolutionary War song being sang, which finally comes to an end. And then it's silence. And then John Tyler Part 2 comes up oh and then three years

previously oh oh yeah look at you mr hbo oh yeah make the most of that because that's the most excitement we're gonna get for a while really oh man let's see fade up on a ty, a John Tyler, delivering an inaugural address. At his own? Yes. Okay. Which was kind of an inaugural address, kind of not, because obviously he'd not been voted in to be president. No.

He just announced it as John Tyler's address. Okay. He's going to speak to the country. Because after all, he's now president. Although it's not quite as straightforward as some had hoped. Harrison's death was unprecedented in US history, as we know. Unprecedented. Hooray!

And although presidents' deaths had been thought about whilst the Constitution was being made, it was not necessarily clear. No. Do you want to hear what it says in the Constitution? Oh, God. At least what it did. I quote here, or at least what it did.

I quote here, in case of the removal of the president from office or of his death, resignation or inability to discharge the powers and duties of the said office, the same shall devolve on the vice president. That's reasonably clear. It's reasonably clear, but what does the same shall devolve

onto the vice president mean? Same roles and responsibilities, I'd assume. You'd assume? Ah. In what sense responsibilities, I'd assume. You'd assume. In what sense? You just get everything. Yeah. Wife.

Children. Yeah, roles and responsibilities is a sensible step. A sensible assumption to make. This was argued, wasn't it? Well, but in what way? Does the vice president get them whilst the country holds a new election? Does the vice president just get them until the next scheduled election? Is the vice president a stand-in president, or is he now a full president?

It's not really clear, is it? Yeah, no, that's a fair point. Yeah. Now, once news of Harrison's death had spread, the leading Whigs had spared no time at all in gathering, literally hours after they heard Harrison was dead, leading Whigs had got together in Washington. Their president was dead. This meant, who was it again? Tyler. Oh yeah, that's it. Tyler's in charge. Who's this Tyler again? Is he here? No, he's gone home. Right, okay. We'll send

for him. We're going to need him. But anyone know anything about this guy? He was chosen as a bit of an afterthought, wasn't he? Yeah. Anyway, in this meeting, whilst they're talking about what they know about Tyler, it dawns on them. Tyler's never really been a devout Whig. Some Whig leaders were a bit nervous. Tyler seemed to be there because he hates Jackson,

and that's about the only reason. Now, the Whigs had waited years to finally be rid of Jackson and Van Buren, and now, within a month, the presidency was going to go to a man who was not fully a Whig. They're not doing well, are they? What's his allegiances, exactly? So, it was decided by the leading Whigs, including Henry Clay, that, according to the Constitution, Tyler was clearly the vice president acting president. Okay. Yeah.

That's obviously what that meant. It's like a temporary role. Yes. Yeah. And that sounded good, didn't it? He can become the acting president. We'll work on getting the right man in. By the right man, most of them meant Henry Clay.

Yeah. Yeah. However, the Whigs soon learnt that Tyler saw things somewhat differently. After some political wrangling, Tyler delivered this address that we've added up on. He addressed to the crowd, and obviously to the country, that as Vice President, the Presidency devolved upon him, and he would protect, preserve, and defend the Constitution. So very clear.

He was the President. Very clear public statement, though. Oh, yes. So he was the president. Very clear public statement there. Oh, yes. And this speech was successful. It made it clear to the public who was in charge. There was enough in the speech to appease any worried Whigs. Tyler was saying the right things to keep the Whigs happy. Just kept saying,

Whig, Whig, Whig, Whig, Whig, Whig, Whig, Whig, Whig, Whig. Yeah, pretty much. I will keep going with my beliefs, which I have publicly stated during the campaign, which was I agree with Henry Clay and Harrison. Okay. Yeah. Clay, writing to John Quincy Adams afterwards, said he was reassured that Tyler would make for a fine caretaker

until they found the right man. Ahem, me. However, this honeymoon period was brief upon meeting his cabinet which he'd kept the same as harrison's as a sign of of course we're the same party yeah good continuing tyler walks in he sits down and was informed that harrison believed that all policies should have a majority vote in the cabinet. This should be a group decision. We're a republic here. We do things by committee. Tyler was not having any of this. Screw this. You're not far off. I'll quote him. I beg your pardon, gentlemen. I'm very glad to have in my cabinet such able statesmen as you have proved yourselves to be. But I, as president,

such able statesmen as you have proved yourselves to be. But I, as president, shall be responsible for my administration. I hope to have your hearty cooperation in carrying out its measures. So long as you see fit to do this, I shall be glad to have you with me. When you think otherwise, your resignations will be accepted. Oh, brilliant. Yeah. That's pretty much the same thing you said to me when you started the podcast.

Yeah, pretty much. Very similar. Yes. Just keep nodding and laughing at my jokes, Jamie. Yeah. So, yeah, Tyler then made it clear that Clay's vision to reopen the National Bank, remember Jackson had managed to destroy that, Clay wanted to reopen it. But I thought he was a statesman.

Oh, Clay wanted to. Clay, yes. Sorry, that makes no sense. Well, you can imagine what Tyler's response was to this. He made it clear to Clay that having a new national bank was really not high on his agenda. We have the more pressing needs at this time, but thank you for your inquiries. Yeah.

Look forward to hearing from you again in the future. Pretty much, yes. Yeah, it dawned on Clay and the others that this isn't going to be easy. No. Meanwhile, Tyler moved into the White House. With him were two of his daughters. He's had eight children in total by this point. Wow.

But with him right now are two of his daughters, both in their teens, three sons, two of which were in their 20s, and the other one was 11. Okay. One of his sons brought along his wife, and also coming were several slaves. Oh. Yeah. That's nice.

Including Tyler's personal valet, Armistead. Wasn't there a film? Yes, yeah. Called Armistead. Yeah. Same guy? No, no, no. Oh. Yeah.

Coincidence. Okay. Yeah. I thought exactly the same. Anyway, just know he's around. So yeah, they're all heading into the White House. Obviously, I've missed a very important person. His wife, Letitia.

Yeah. Yes. Unfortunately, though, Letitia was not in a good way. Oh no. A couple of years previously, she had suffered from a stroke. And she now spent almost all of her time in the second floor bedroom in a wheelchair. She was only seen once in public in the White House and that was a year later when their daughter got married.

She came downstairs, but that is it. All very sad. Anyway, to begin with, the role of First Lady fell to Tyler's daughter-in-law, Priscilla, who, with the aid of Dolly Madison, yes Dolly Madison's still around. She's kind of just become the matron of Washington. The matriarch. Yes. Yeah. She knows where all the

bodies are hidden. Okay. She knows who to talk to to get things done. Okay. Yeah, if you're throwing a formal dinner party who are the best caterers and things like this? She just knows how things operate. She's been doing this a long time now.

That's good. So anyway, Priscilla is organising Tyler's first formal dinner with the aid of Dolly Madison. Unfortunately, though, Priscilla seemed to overdo things slightly. She seemed to be a little bit stressed, as you probably would be organising your first formal dinner in the White House. Yeah. In the start of the evening, she suddenly went pale and then fainted into the arms of the Secretary of State, a man named Webster. Priscilla's husband, shocked by this, did the only sensible thing. He grabbed a jug of ice water and threw it straight at the two of them.

Out of the jug or jug included? Probably out of the jug, but maybe jug included. Okay. Yeah, I'm guessing this was to try and wake his wife up. Rather than get your hands off my wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who knows that? Yeah, Priscilla was taken to bed.

Webster stood dripping in cold. Oh, I'm glad she's fine. So what was the sudden fainting in adolf what was she was just very stressed and also i don't forget clothing for women back then was ludicrous that's true causity and a bit yes i um she wasn't like it made us like oh the the jellies are the the you got two opposing colors next to each other don't match there was probably an element to that as well just generally stressed at the organisation and not being able to

breathe due to stupid clothing. That's a vermouth, not sweet red vermouth! Yeah. So, that's the formal dinner. But apart from that start, the evening seemed to go well. And the Tylers were soon established in the White House. Nice. However, it was not long before

tensions were rising in the capital. Henry Clay arrived in the city to start a special session to discuss the formation of the National Bank. Oh, by the way. Well, Tyler met with him and asked Clay to postpone these talks. Do you really need to talk about this now? I'm sure there are more pressing things we can do as a party. Have a slice of pie

yes clay refused and tyler lost his temper and i'll quote here then sir i wish you to understand this go then mr clay to the end of the avenue where the capitol building stands and perform your duty to the country as you think proper so have me, I will do mine at this end of it as I think proper. Nice. Good day to you, sir. We shall say no more. Yeah. So tensions rising.

Yeah. The fight was on. Yeah. And to begin with, Clay was winning. There was a long list of things that he and other prominent Whigs had wanted to drive through the government now that they had Congress and the executive branch. Yeah.

So they make a start on them. To start with, he gets rid of Van Buren's sub-treasury system. Remember Van Buren was desperately trying to do something to sort out the panic of 1837? Yeah. Yeah, well, Clay didn't like that, nor did the Whigs, so they were going to get rid of that. Okay.

The votes passed in both houses, and then Tyler signed it into law. Okay. Job done. Things are looking okay. However, the issue on the banks was not about to go away. But Clay had a plan. He proposed to the Senate a bank that would open branches within states without the state's consent.

The bank could walk into any state and just open up branches. The state could do nothing to stop them. So like a national hardcore bank. Yes. That's what they called it. Yeah, the hardcore bank. Yeah. Yeah. HCB. Yeah. Yeah. This was obviously just going to be vetoed

by Tyler immediately. Yeah. This was Tyler's worst nightmare of a bank. Like just picture the very worst bank you can think of. Yeah. Yeah, just picture the very worst bank you can think of. Yeah. Yeah, I got that. So I'm just picturing my bank. Just going into a bank nowadays just makes me sad.

So I love the old, I still love going to Lloyd's Bank in Coventry. It's like a big, old building. It looks like a bank should look. Really tall ceiling, pillars, massive scary door. It's like the Bank should look. Really tall ceiling. Pillars. Massive scary door. It's like the bank in Mary Poppins. Yes. Yeah. With an elderly Dick Van Dyke. Yeah that's what the bank should look like. Yeah. Well this

is what all the banks looked like back then. We're in Victorian age. Yeah so there you go. That's what the banks looked like. Nice. Even in America? Because in America I think they'd be like wooden. Perhaps this is what Tyler wanted. He wanted these nice looking state-run banks but what clay was proposing was national banks and there's nothing but blue carpets and those little rope things that you have to queue and you're just there for hours and you keep wanting to unbuckle the rope and then your mom

towels you off when you play with the rope that's so annoying so annoying even when you're just like going under the rope for a bit of fun. Yeah. Because it's so boring and you keep getting told to just stand still. And you just flick it. You're not hurting anybody.

You're not hitting anybody. And you're playing with the pen on the chain. Yes. And you get told off for that as well. It's ridiculous. It is.

It's like, why are we even in here? This is the most boring day ever. I want to go to a toy shop. But you just know as soon as we have kids, get your hands off that pen! Stop pulling the thing!

Yeah, yeah. We've only been here three minutes. So this was Tyler's worst nightmare. It was a room full of pens on chains that he wasn't allowed to play with. Oh, yeah, it's horrible. Yeah. Anyway, back to Clay's plan. So Clay proposed these banks that could just walk in

and just stamp all over the States. And Tyler was obviously going to veto it, but that was the point. Clay wanted to make Tyler look like he was hindering the Whig party. So, yeah. So these are the events we're trying to make. You're stopping it. You're old-fashioned. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah. The Whig base would turn from him, and he would easily be replaced next election, if not sooner. Also, if Tyler was vetoing, Clay could be coming up with compromises and being painted as the Whig champion. Clay's already done a couple of compromises in the background with the Missouri Compromise, who was involved in that. So yeah, he's got a bit of a name for being a compromiser, being able to work deals. So he can work his magic because tyler's being obstructionist yeah so anyway some political back and forth went on and clay announced that he would allow states to reject branches of the bank big sigh of relief

from tyler but then clay added a clause that allowed banks to build a branch anyway if they found it was, and I quote here, necessary and proper. Which is just brilliant. Of course, states can definitely veto the National Bank coming in, unless the National Bank says otherwise. Anyways, Clay believed he'd set this trap perfectly. If you think about it, Tyler either signs this into law, in which case, he would lose any Democratic supporters. But if he vetoes it, he would lose all the Whig supporters. Tyler, for a very long time,

has kind of had his feet in both camps. This is going to force the issue. He's going to go one way or the other. Tyler wrote, and I quote here, and that he would beat back the assailants. He's got to go one way or the other. Tyler wrote, and I quote here, my back is up against the wall, and that he would beat back the assailants. Nice.

Tyler's not taking this lying down. He's going to fight back. So the next day, a messenger was sent to the Senate. The chamber fell silent, as it became clear that Tyler had made a decision. Ooh. The bill was to be vetoed. Oh. The announcement was met with jeering and booing from those watching in the galley.

The Whigs were outraged, the Democrats joyous. Despite losing the election, it looked like they had a Democrat in charge still. One senator announced, EGAD. Oh, yes. There's an EGAD in this country. You don't hear that nowadays, do you? You just don't, do you? So I made sure that stayed in. Nice. In fact, I'm going to say it again an EGAD. You don't hear that nowadays, do you? You just don't, do you? So I made sure that stayed in.

Nice. In fact, I'm going to say it again. EGAD. Tyler has found one of Jackson's old pens, and it wouldn't write anyway, but plain and straightforward. Nice. Yeah, which I quite like. The idea of Tyler in the office, just with a magic Jackson pen,

which was just writing lots of Democrat laws. Nice. Anyway, the Whig newspapers overnight turned on their president. One writer lamented that the day the words Tyler 2 was added to the line tip a canoe and Tyler 2 was a sorry day indeed. Oh, dear. Stating there was rhyme, but no reason to it. Oh. Which I do like.

Yeah. That's nice. okay gave himself a pat on the back after he wrote that one i'm sure damn good yarn he said to himself a couple of nights later tyler awoke to the sound of gunfire hmm not what you want a crowd had gathered outside the white house and were showing their displeasure shall we say, by firing their guns in the air. Oh, good. That's good. That's good, isn't it? That's positive. That's probably what Tyler was thinking as he stood on the balcony.

Are they well-organised militia, though? Well-organised militia? No, they didn't look like it. Oh, dear. Definitely looked like a rabble. We put their guns away, then. Yes. So Tyler's watching this crowd firing guns into the air a little bit unnerved like you would be and then he watched as uh an effigy of himself was

pulled out and set on fire you could argue that his popularity may be waning i think that morgan freeman's voice who is narr this film, at this point comes in to say it was at this moment John Tyler realised he was unpopular. It's just burning. Just see his face, the glass painting in front of him, his reflection of the flames, mouth slowly dropping.

Bottom lip starting to wobble a little bit. Yes. Well, Democrats denounced these tactics as proof that the Whigs were dangerous. They were paid to do that. They were paid by the Whigs to go out there and do that. No, no, no. Democrats are just saying that they're Whigs. We're going to get to the paid one in a moment.

Oh! Clay, however, declared that it was actually Democrats in the crowd attempting to stir up trouble. By pretending that they're Whigs. Yeah, and going out and causing trouble. Right. Yeah. Eerie, eh? Nice to know things have changed. Yeah.

Clay actually apparently found this quite amusing and declared it was probably Calhoun in the crowd who'd started all this off. I was standing there with a bunny in his hand, not a smile on his face, just staring. Yeah. Flames glinting off his eyeballs. I mean, he was in the crowd burning effigies of people, but, I mean, he just got caught up. That's what Calhoun did on a Thursday.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he just happened to get caught up in a crowd this week. Anyway, Tyler, meanwhile, didn't really care who it was burning images of him and shooting guns near his family. He just wanted it to stop. Can we all stop the shooting and the burning, please? Fair enough. Yeah. So he asked about the formation of a White House police force, which did not go down well with many,

because they did not want the formation of a palace guard. So it all seems a bit regal having a palace and guards outside. It was supposed to be a republic. Anyway, shortly after this, a suspicious package was found in the White House. Tyler asked a guard to open it. Right, you're gonna open it. I'll be in the other room Let me know how it goes I mean, this is in the 1840s If that's a bomb, you're dead Yeah, that's true

He's not stood there in his bomb suit And his little robot It literally is a case of Well, how shall I test if it's a bomb? Poke it with a bayonet Well, I've got one test It's quite decisive. Poor Gerald was chosen.

He's been working hard. Position in the White House. New position for you, Gerald. Bomb tester. Explosive expert. Ooh. That's exciting. I'll let my wife know there isn't time.

Get in the room. So now we get a scene where someone is sweat beading on his brow as he crouches over this box. Holding his shoe over the... About to hit the box. See what happens. He reaches down. He slowly unclasps the box.

Pulls up the lid inch by inch. peering inside, expecting his death any moment. What's inside the box? Cheese. Cake. Cake. Yeah, it was a cake. Nice. Yeah.

Bomb cake. Bomb cake. The irony. Just a cake with the word boom or something. It's more of a psychological bomb than an actual one so things are a bit tense

yeah as people opening cake boxes looking very worried you know that something's gone wrong with the country oh my god it's a flan thank god it's a flan

Juliet it's a flan we're fine still the bank issue's not going away. It's not as dead as many thought. Tyler may have vetoed it, but hoping to gain some Whig supporters back, Tyler let it be known he was up to talking to some reasonable Whigs. Okay.

Read not Clay. Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps a compromise could be reached. However, Clay made sure, damn sure, that it was known that no self-respecting Whig should be dealing with Tyler. He stood on the floor and spent 90 minutes attacking the veto, claiming that if Tyler could not support this bill due to his principles,

which is what Tyler said, then he should do what he did last time and resign. Remember last week? Tyler resigned because he couldn't agree with something. With the Senate were trying to get him to do something he didn't want to do. Yeah, the Virginian Assembly were trying to get him to do something in the Senate.

And he was trapped, so he resigned. And you gave him some grudging respect. Yeah. Yeah, well Clay's saying, well, why don't you do that again? Yeah, but he's doing what he wants to. Yeah, it, Clay's saying, well, why don't you do that again? Yeah, but he's doing what he wants to. Yeah, it doesn't quite work, does it? After this, none other than Reeves slash Freddie Mercury stands up and defends the president. Those were the days of our lives.

Well, Clay scorned him. He may have an amazing voice. But it was clear to all that Reeves slash Freddie Mercury and Tyler wanted to create a new party. Clay urged the Senate to overrule the veto. A president can veto, but then two thirds of the Senate can overturn a veto. Okay. Can he then veto the overturning? No. Oh, okay. Otherwise it just becomes... Senate can overturn a veto. Okay. Can he then veto the overturning?

No. Oh, okay. Otherwise it just becomes a horrible loop. Clay couldn't quite get the two-thirds majority because enough Democrats and some Whigs were okay with it. So he didn't quite get there, but it was clear to all that Tyler had lost all support of most of the Whigs still, it's still going on

another bill was created for a proposed bank again, Tyler vetoes it Whig papers are now furious one stating that if God hit Tyler with a thunderbolt then the world would say that it was just oh, that's a bit mean don't get me wrong, I'm not calling for assassination

but if he were to have an act of God happen to him that it was just. Oh, that's a bit mean. Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling for assassination. But if he were to have an act of God happen to him, no one would shed a tear. So instead of bombs, they started just sending him like really metal umbrellas. Yes. Things like that.

There you go. I've got you an unearthed lightning rod, sir. Just going to stand up there, sir. For how long? Too much. Yes, Tyler soon developed nicknames such as His Accidency. Ooh. Yes.

And The Executive S. Ooh. That's quite funny, actually. At least one paper announced that the president had literally gone insane. Really? Yeah, that's the only explanation for him voting against this. It came as little surprise, therefore, when the entire cabinet resigned. Really?

Oh yes, this happened over the course of a whole day starting at 12.30. Staggered resignations. Which you still see today, that happened in our cabinet. Yeah, a few weeks ago. Yeah, really not long ago. It would seem that Clay had planned the resignations to be staggered to try and keep Tyler wrong-footed. Tyler wouldn't be able to form a new cabinet before a special session of Congress could be called, and the hope was Tyler would be so unsettled by all this, he would do the decent thing and resign. Oh, wow. However, not quite the whole cabinet went through with it.

When Webster, remember Webster? No. Ice water thrown on him. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Still slightly damp. Yes. He's always just looked a bit cold ever since then.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, he entered the office, sat by the fire, and simply asked Tyler what he was to do. Tyler replied, You must decide that for yourself, Mr. Webster. If you were to leave it to me, I would stay where I am. Then give me your hand to that,

and I will say Henry Clay is a doomed man from this hour. Ooh, them is fighting words. Oh, yes. To the horror of Clay and most of the Whigs, Tyler simply refused to resign. Wow. He had suspected something like this was going to happen for a while and had made some inquiries.

He was very quickly able to put together another cabinet. All of them wigs, but all of them of the states' rights variety. Oh, okay. All of them a Tyler-type wig. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And none of them liked clay. And impressively, there was a wide selection from the North and the South. Oh, that's good. Yeah, Yeah. And none of them liked clay. And impressively, there was a wide selection from the North and the South.

Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah. You could argue most of Tyler's style wigs were from the South, but there were enough from the North for him to pick from to get a good spread in his cabinet. So no one could claim that this was a Virginian coup. Yes. Yeah.

The majority of the wigs got together and decided enough was enough. And they formally expelled Tyler from their party. Oh. The only time in US history this has happened. Now, unsurprisingly, all this infighting was not going down too well with the public. No. No. As much as it's fun for political boffins to just watch a political party eat itself from the inside.

Yeah. The general public just wanted the ruling party to rule the country. Yeah, to sort itself out. Yeah, so they weren't too impressed. And due to this, the Democrats found themselves on the rise once more. And still, the pattern of Whig spills being passed only to be vetoed continued. So much so that people started talking of Tyler's veto of the month. Yeah. Yeah.

Nice. The government was essentially shut down. Anything that the Whithoud Congress passed to the president, he just vetoed immediately. Automatically. Pretty much. Clay was pressing on with this tactic. Keep forcing Tyler to keep vetoing things until he lost all popularity. Yeah.

Meanwhile, Tyler grew more and more frustrated and concerned. Things were getting so unpleasant that he genuinely started to fear an uprising. Then, a congressman introduced a resolution that would kick off an investigation into whether Tyler should be impeached. Ooh. The first time any such inquiry had been called for. This passed, and none other than John Quincy Adams was asked to chair the committee. Excellent.

Tyler was furious, stating that he was being charged with the high crimes of upholding the Constitution. He's done nothing wrong. How dare you accuse me of... Illegality. Yeah. John Quincy Adams, by this time, making it his life's mission to oppose slavery. Yeah. Yes.

Now, this is when he's in the house. Yeah. He hates slavery, so he uses the opportunity to attack the slave-owning president. You've literally got a president with slaves in the White House. Yeah. You'll be amazed to learn that this committee found that Tyler had committed, and I quote here, offences to the gravest character, worthy of impeachment. Oh dear.

However, they didn't go as far to formally recommend it. The committee thought that was a bit too far. He definitely deserves it, but we're not going to say he should do it. No, no. That would just be rude. Gosh. We are gentlemen after all. Well, there was some political man political maneuvering going on in the

background uh clay ever-present clay was worried that uh such an extreme action might actually hurt the wigs in the next election might look like they're kicking the guy while he's down yeah yeah he has feelings guys come on soon enough, the matter was dropped. Interesting. But as you can see, he's not doing well. No, it's like a bloody nose, isn't it? It's like, look what we can do to you. Yeah. And it does seem to have done some work

because the next bill to be sent to Tyler was one on tariffs, which, as we've seen, has caused some problems in the past. And this bill, similar to the last one was seen to favour the North and not the South and yet despite not liking the bill Tyler signed it into law so you get the feeling he's starting to

give a bit here but perhaps it was not the possibility of impeachment that was weighing on Tyler's mind, perhaps it was a far more personal matter because Letitia had just died. Aww. Yes. Just as he'd signed his name on the form.

Yeah. That's sad. She'd only gotten weaker after her stroke and as I mentioned, she wasn't in good shape when she moved into the White House. Eventually, her body gave up and she died. 17 months after the first sitting president died, body gave up and she died. 17 months after the first sitting president died,

the first sitting first lady dies. Tyler shut himself away for a month of mourning. And in a sign of respect, the Whigs, both politicians and newspapers, refrained from abusing him for a while. That's nice. Which is nice.

I'd like to think that would just be common decency, but I have a horrible feeling they probably had meetings to discuss whether to do that or not. I wonder if that would happen now. And in fact, the Tyler administration actually had something good to show for a change. What? Oh yeah.

That's why I say you're used to the negativity. No, no, no. There's something good. There's something good. One of the main reasons Webster had decided to stay on... Dictionary. No. He wasn't writing a dictionary. No, the reason why he decided to stay on

was because he was in the middle of complex negotiations with the British over the border between Maine and Canada. And he wanted to see that job done. Yeah. So he didn't join in with the coup attempt. That's good. Now, the border between Maine and Canada was a border that had never really been sorted, despite the fact

it being right where some of the first settlers were. It's just no one's really officially drawn that line on the map before. But with rising population and tension between the countries always fraught, it was decided it's time to get something on the map here. Fair enough. Now in recent years there had been increasing skirmishes

over the disputed border, as mentioned in Van Buren's episode. Remember Van Buren was able to keep the tensions from rising to war. Yeah. Yeah. But some thought that war was indeed close. In fact tensions grew between the US and Britain when a slave ship bound for New Orleans rebelled and landed in the British Bahamas. The British, following the Emancipation Act of 1833, freed the slaves. Many in the US were incensed. For our property. Oh yes, one paper in Mississippi announcing that if the United States government could not protect United States property from the British, there was very little point in the union.

That's so cold. Oh, yes. Tyler, realising that this latest tension had stoked the fires and more problems between Maine and Canada could tip things, looked for a solution here. Good. Fortunately for everyone involved, the new minister from Britain arrived. This is Alexander Baring, the new minister from Britain arrived. This is Alexander Baring, the first Baron Ashburton.

Amazing. You don't get titles like that in other countries, do you? You really don't. Oh, it is amazing. And you do still get people in this country with titles like that. Oh, yeah. But just to reassure all our listeners,

you don't see them in real life. You just hear of them. You don't walk down the streets and bump into the first Baron Ashburton. No. No. He's locked away in his castle. Yes. His bodyguards.

Yes. What, what? The first Baron Ashburton owned a large portion of land in Maine. It's splendid. So he had a vested interest in keeping that area not war-torn. Got to look after your crops!

Exactly. You just know his moustache was splendid. Oh, Bushy is a walrus. Big, big, Bushy walrus moustache. Yeah. Hot, hot, hot! That's amazing! Well, Webster and Tyler, realising that Britain would be willing for compromises to take place, the first baton Ashburton had made it clear.

You scratch my back, I'll tickle yours! Yes. Isn't that weird? Yes. So, it looked like Britain were willing to talk about this. All they needed to do was sway public opinion, in particular in Maine and Massachusetts. Fair enough.

So they decided to secretly send agents into Maine and Massachusetts to attempt to lay some groundwork for getting to people to accept a compromise. Paid protesters or anti-protesters? Not quite protesters. This was mainly people who went there and paid for adverts to take place, but adverts that were not obviously from the government. So, underhand. Like a think tank?

Nah. Also, they paid for historians To go around with maps Pointing out that perhaps the British had a point here Perhaps we should be grateful with what we could get The British actually seem to be in the right So if we can get anything We are actually winning This is dicey legal ground

This is the government Propaganda Using government funds for propaganda On its own people Let let's face it all governments do it yeah of course um but this is the first obvious case we have seen in u.s history that's interesting although going back to washington there was always a uh a fund shall we say that no one asked too many questions about yeah Because it's just understood occasionally wheels needed to be greased. Yeah.

And a little lubrication is needed. Yeah. So. Golden lubrication. Yes. Yeah, I mean, the fact that a strict constitutionalist president, however, is doing this is a bit off. Hmm.

Anyway, discussion's dragged on. At one point, it looked like Baron Ashburton was about to give up and go home. Poop, poop to all this, I say. I've had enough. Yes. Picked up his tiny little dog under his arm and started to walk out. Minced up. Yes. Tyler persuaded the man to stay

however using his charm turning on the flattery. I quote here but if you cannot settle this what man in England can? I'm offended, sir, that you think such a low compliment will work. But by Jove it has. That's a brother. Yeah, in the end, a compromise indeed was achieved,

and a border was drawn that not everyone was happy with, but no one hated. A sure sign of a compromise. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. However, getting it to pass two-thirds of the Senate, which is what was required, was not necessarily going to be easy.

Fortunately for Tyler, a couple of big hitters supported him. First of all, Reeves slash Freddie Mercury stood up and spoke in favour and perhaps sang a song in favour as well. Show must go on. Yeah.

That one. Everyone really quite liked that. This was Reeves' vest and moustache period. Yes. Yeah, and everyone was very impressed. And the other person who was in favour was none other than Calhoun. Everyone was nodding after Reeves slash Freddie Mercury had finished. Everyone was clapping and whooping and then Calhoun stood up, silence.

Calhoun picked up the bunny, picked up the knife and everyone just did straight away, no we'll do it, we'll do it Calhoun. Put the bunny down. But he also added these words. If we have not gained all we desired, we have gained much that is desirable. Vote for it or Thumper gets it. So the bill passed comfortably. Good. Yes. Unfortunately for Tyler, though, in what should have been a political win,

well, he did nothing for him. The Democrats were still very cautious of him, and the Whigs despised him, or at least most of them did. So, yeah, well, well done. That's gone through. Doesn't mean we like you. Still, things are going on in his personal life. His wife had been dead for about three months. So he's still very gloomy.

Still very much in mourning here. However, a Christmas Eve celebration had been planned and everyone hoped that this would bring some cheer to a very depressing White House. Tyler's son, John Jr., his marriage was also falling apart. It was nothing but cheer in the White House. Oh, gosh. Well, but there was one silver lining,

because John Jr. had heard that the Gardeners were in Washington. The Gardeners were a very wealthy family. Okay. Yeah, Long Island aristocrats. They owned the largest personal island in the United States. Yeah, these were seriously high up there in the pecking order. Anyway, they're in town. David and Juliana Gardner, in fact.

Not only that, their two daughters were in town. Highly educated, young, beautiful. They'd been educated in the finest boarding school in Manhattan. Again, the aristocracy. Yeah. Their eldest daughter was probably the reason that they got the invite to the White House in the first place. Much to the parents' disgust, probably. Because Julia, the eldest daughter named 22, had already become a bit of a celebrity, shall we say. She had agreed a few years previously to pose for an advert for a department store. Good God.

That's not the kind of thing a lady should be doing. You're a gardener. Yes. This is probably the first example of high society endorsement in the United States. Of course, yeah. Yeah. I have the advert right here. So there you go.

Oh, she's got a bit of a weird beard, doesn't she? She has. And the top hat. Oh, no, I think that's the man. It's the woman standing next to that person. Oh, OK. So it's hard to see details. It's faded quite a bit.

I'm guessing the shop is the one in the background with the horse in front of it. It's not the best art. But she's holding a sign there. It's impossible to read what it says in this, but it says something along the lines of, go and buy clothes at that shop. They are very cheap and reasonable.

Unfortunately for Julia, other people in her social class started to say that she was very cheap for doing the advert. Yeah. Soon after this, a poem about how she had stolen a young man's heart one night appeared in a local newspaper. Yeah.

Her parents were shocked, outraged at such behaviour. As you say, she is a gardener. So shocked was David Gardner that he decided the family needed a holiday in Europe to get away from the scandal before this gets too bad. So off to Europe they went with their wayward daughter. However, it was soon discovered that Julia was attracting just as much attention

in the European courts than she was at home. Excellent. Yes, lots of broken hearts. So the Gardners came back to the United States and stayed in Washington, D.C. for a while. And that catches them up with the story. Nice. While they were in Washington, Tyler's son, John Jr., notices Julia and decides an invite to the White House Christmas party is definitely in order. We've got some mistletoe.

Oh, yes. Yes. John Jr. spent the evening talking to Julia and she wrote, he lay a siege to my heart. She's used to this attention. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to make a prediction what's going to happen to her? She went, OMG, so annoying. Not quite. No, they get together. Pregnant. Scandal. Oh, they're scandal. Sort of. I'll just tell you. It became clear in a gathering in February, so a couple of months later, that it was not just the son with eyes on Julia. Oh no. John. Bad president. Tyler himself spent the evening openly flirting with Julia and the younger sister, Margaret. Oh, and young...

Oh, okay. Yeah. He kissed Margaret on the hand at the end of the evening and then turned to Julia, who playfully ran down the stairs to avoid the kiss. Oh, I couldn't possibly be kissed on the hand. Run, run, run. Yeah.

The president, in his 50s, ran around the table to give chase, much to the amusement of Margaret. Yeah, that's a bit awkward. If the gossip started then, it was nothing compared to a couple of weeks later at another party, where President Tyler was again very close. Okay. Yeah. In fact, he proposed to Julia.

Oh. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Taken aback. Oh, no. Yeah. Taken aback, Julia answered no. In fact, she wrote that she answered no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. But later noted that it amused her to see him so eager.

So she didn't seem to be horrified, just taken aback. It's not what she was expecting. She probably said no for two reasons. One, she just thought this was the father of the man who's interested in me. And two, well what would her parents say? She's a gardener. Goddamn. I also

want to know what John Junior's thinking at this point because I couldn't find any record of that. He's sitting there with a spoonful of flannel almost to his mouth. Seeing this happen, open mouth. What? Flan wobbling slightly plops off his fork. He's still

holding it. Yeah. My self-esteem was in the toilet due to the problems I'm having with my wife, but now... Oh, God. But anyway, Tyler's not to be put off. He proposed again soon afterwards. Excellent. And in Margaret's presence, talked of quitting the presidency,

if that would help change Julia's mind. Ooh, randy old devil, isn't he? Julia's parents were not keen on this idea. They suggested Julia take some time to think about this. That's when they travelled and emigrated to Europe. New York. New York. Yes, which, to be fair, was was where they lived and they were scheduled to go back. But yes, they definitely decided to go home. A dispirited Tyler got back to running the country

and everyone hating him. Excellent. Now, there's one main thing occupying his mind at this point, and that is, of course, the young 22-year-old he'd just proposed to. But apart from that, it was Texas. As we've seen, Texas had recently declared itself an independent nation. Mexico had a thing or two to say about that, but the United States, Britain and France had pretty much accepted it, and that was a good enough for most people. Fair enough.

At least most people not in Mexico. Yeah. Yeah. Texas then declared that they wanted to join the Union. As we have seen, both Jackson and Van Buren decided to kick this can down the road. Having Texas in the Union would kick up a lot of issues over slavery. So let's have a quick recap on why this would kick up the issues on slavery. Let's look at Texas and slavery, shall we?

Yay! Yay! In 1821, when Mexico became independent of Spain, Texas was part of Mexico. Okay. Mexico allowed slavery, but also allowed free blacks to become full citizens. Yeah. Due to this, Texas became a popular destination for escaping slaves, understandably. Over the next decade, Mexico introduced laws making it harder and harder to own slaves.

Eventually, in 1829, it abolished slavery. Although it did give Texas an extra year to phase it out. That's fair. Realising that it would be a bit harder for the Texans to do so. As we saw in Harrison's episode, in the North West, this was met with slaveholders simply changing the name slave to indentured servant and doing nothing else. Yeah. What slaves?

These are my indentured servants that work indefinitely for no pay. A couple of years later, Mexico made it illegal for indentured servants' contracts to last for more than ten years. That's still a long time. It's still a long time, but at least you've got an end to your contract. So Texas couldn't use that loophole anymore. Unless they renewed the contract after ten years. But at least the slave in theory had an outing. Yes, it wasn't perfect, but at least it's going in the right direction. And then in 1835,

Texas declared independence, rising tensions between the province and central Mexico, leading Texans to believe that they'd be better off alone. It wasn't just a slavery issue, but that was a significant part of it. Yeah. Now, once they had independence in 1836, it made slavery legal once more. Hooray, they all said. And the new constitution drawn up required all free persons of African descent to petition the new government for permission to continue living in the country.

Oh, dear. Oh, yes. Then heavy laws of segregation were set up. Yeah. And then they started making motions to join the United States. Oh, wonderful. Yes. Now, as we've seen,

the southern states were more than happy for this to happen. It would strengthen the power of the slave states in the south to have this large new state admitted. Northern states were horrified. This is awful. Yes. Now, due to the fact that Jackson and Van Buren had kicked the can down the road somewhat,

Texas had started to talk to other nations, namely Britain and France. Maybe they could stay independent, get some kind of alliance. We can't rely on joining the United States. We need to look at our options here. And then Tyler became president. And unlike his predecessors, Tyler did not see Texas as a problem to be avoided, but an opportunity to see the republic grow.

After all, he had always believed that the United States should grow and spread its democratic ideals. As long as you're white and male. Of course. Even then, Tyler was unable to make any moves to begin with. He'd had a rocky first couple of years. He was not very strong, but now, with a bit of time under his belt, he started to feel strong enough. He had managed to stack enough of his supporters into his White House to feel more secure. I'll quote here, We have numerous enemies in office, and they should forthwith be made to quit.

Do you remember when Harrison made it very clear that it didn't matter what political party you supported, you could still work for the White House? For the better of the nation. Exactly. Well, that's now in the bin. All right. Yeah. Clay men were out. Tyler men the nation. Exactly. Well, that's now in the bin. All right. Yeah.

Clay men were out. Tyler men were in. Excellent. If you support me, you can have a job. If you don't, there's the door. Tyler, also worrying about public image, hired a biographer to start writing The Life of John Tyler, a book that his son, John Tyler Jr., demanded that government employees buy numerous copies off to be distributed, and I quote here, as they saw fit.

Nice. Yeah. I really, really could see that happening today. Even the symmetry of John Tyler Jr. organising it. Yeah, so that happened. The author of the book, by the way, was also made the consul of Hawaii. Nice, cushy job for him. Was that known about by then?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like the other side. Yeah, Hawaii was known about. Really? That's like almost the middle of the Pacific. Yes, it is. That's insane. But they had boats back then.

Boats? Boats, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yes, it is. That's insane. But they had boats back then. Boats? Boats, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, feeling confident, young and in love, Tyler went for Texas. After all, he announced, it was already United States land. We purchased it in the Louisiana Purchase.

Ah, yeah. Sensible Samuel hesitantly put his hand up at that point. Did we? I'm not convinced we did. I mean, let me get this map out and have a look, sir. Shut up, Samuel. You're ruining the Republic. So he bent some truths, shall we say. Yes.

Anyway, this political move coincided with the fact that the election was coming up and Tyler had to start thinking about campaigning on something. So Texas was the perfect opportunity. He also went on a tour. He headed for Boston. He's got a fair bit of support in the south. He needs to show up some support in the north. So he was off to dedicate a memorial to the Battle of Breed's Hill. Hmm. Bunker Hill. That's what they called it. Yeah. John Quincy Adams was not happy in the slightest. Tyler, the slave driver, was coming to his home

state. So he boycotted the whole affair. Ooh. Are we allowed to go back and give John Quincy more points? But apart from John Quincy and a few others boycotting, the whole thing seemed to be going quite well. Until the Attorney General

who was also there dropped out dead. Men's 40s, it wasn't expected. Oh dear. No. They put a damper on the proceedings. So a despondent Tyler returned home via South Carolina to bury the man.

The tour hadn't finished brilliantly. No, it went out with more of a whimper than anything else. Yeah. So eventually he rides back in Washington. The Texas dealings are still going on. His Secretary of State at this time is a man named Upshur. Upshur.

Upshur, an interesting name. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to get to know Upshur a bit? Give him something to remember him by. Oh, you mean like a trait? Yeah, yeah. Constant laugher. Like he can't finish things

without laughing. He laughed and he grinned a lot. Mr President, I've got some news. One of those people who would always say the last couple of lines that you've just said. Oh, that's annoying. Yeah, he does that. He does that. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a trait that can be quite annoying. It can be quite annoying, yeah. Yeah, so he does that. He does that. Yeah. Yeah. It's a trait that can be quite annoying. It can be quite annoying, yeah. Yeah. So he does that. He does that, yeah. Anyway, he's now Secretary of State, and he is going full throttle on the whole Texan annexation. He made it known that he believed that Britain had eyes on Texas

and that the United States needed to move quickly. Britain wanted Texas to be slave-free, could you imagine? And that would have a knock-on effect on bottling up slavery in the South East. Also, things were going quite well with the Texan president, Sam Houston. Houston wanted assurances that the United States would aid militarily if it was needed at any point, and disputes over debts and territories had largely been settled. Things were going quite well. Do you think that Sam Houston will ever be remembered in any way?

I don't think so. I've certainly never heard the name. What about George Dallas? Edward Phoenix? No, none of these. Anyway, it looked like the two- thirds majority in the senate would also be achieved generally things are looking good

it's at this time that Julia came back to the capital oh yeah is that your John Tyler impression I think so like oh yeah

well Tyler had not given up he had stayed in touch whilst Julia had left sent numerous letters intimate lithographs intimate woodcuts quite what you're missing poems i know he sent poems in with the poems yeah anyway now whether the two were actually engaged by this point is debatable, but it seems like Tyler seemed to think they were engaged. Oh, that's awkward.

Yeah, Julia's still not sure, parents still not happy, is generally how things are. What Tyler could think of no better way to celebrate Julia and her father being in the capital... Party. Gets better. Oh. Then to invite them on a trip down the Potomac on a new steam-powered warship that carried, get this, the largest cannon

ever built. Quite literally. Come and have a look at the size of my cannon. Let's hope it doesn't go off. It's massive. And with a massive cannon you've got a massive cannonball oh yes i just love it it's it really is isn't it oh i've got an image now you'd have like tyler walking you know arm in arm with julie walking up to the the ship you can see in the distance like this big metal

boat with a ridiculous cannon like like massive. Then as Judah comes into view, the cannon just starts lifting gradually and slowly into the air. Yeah, we are in that kind of region, aren't we? It's like owning a Hummer, isn't it? Or an Audi. When your average person's going through a midlife crisis

and you buy stupid things like a Jag. Tyler's the buy stupid things. Like a jack. Tyler's the president. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's true. Yes. He can get a boat with a massive cannon. Well, in fact, I've left a detail out here.

The ship actually had two long cannons. Oh, that's just ridiculous. Oh, yes. One that was built in England using the very latest technology. Metal. This was a seriously impressive cannon. Nice. The cannon arrived and the captain of the ship then decided,

what better than one massive cannon? Two massive cannons. Again, thinking like a true American here. Yes, yeah. Yeah. So a second one was built in Philadelphia. However, they didn't fully understand the technology. I mean, this was cutting edge stuff, what had been built in England.

They just built a massive long tube. Well, they tried to recreate the cannon, but they realised that there were some parts they hadn't quite recreated properly. So, they compensated by, again, in in true american style here by making it bigger so you've got one slightly smaller massive cannon that is technically more powerful but then you've got the really good looking big cannon that's uh technically not quite as powerful red white and blue yes this this really big one was called the peacemaker oh i love that yeah if i can call a gun peacemaker is ridiculous yes anyway the day dawned and the

president members of his family and the cabinet plus julia and her father boarded the impressive ship all in all around 400 guests got on board. Nice. It sinks, doesn't it? No. I'm just really hoping it doesn't. Fred's 8 doesn't sink. The ship sailed down the Potomac.

The guests drank champagne. And then they went to the upper deck to witness the massive cannon fire. Lots of nudging in the ribs of Julia from John Tyler there, I'm sure. Get off! Get off! Fuck, my massive cannon's about to fire, Julia. The cannon fires.

The shell landing miles away in the sea. It's a seriously impressive cannon. And they watch it, and it goes over. You can see a long way across the sea. I guess with measurements back then you'd use like the sextants and stuff to work out its distance. Don't mention a sextant. Ooh.

Send him over the edge, wouldn't you? John. Naughty boy. Anyway, the cannon's gone off. Everyone cheers. The band plays Hail to the Chief. Tyler probably made several big cannon references. And then the cannon fired again.

More cheering. And then lunch was served below deck. So a formal lunch for the 400 guests. They ate ham, roast fowl, they drank more champagne. Upshur, the Secretary of State, he's there. He rose to give a toast.

Rose to give a toast? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I see. He's doing the repeating thing. Yeah. Well, he asked that all the dead bodies be removed so he could deliver his toast,

and then the captain passed an unopened bottle of champagne announcing that there were plenty of live bodies left. Talking about the bottles. Oh! Yeah. Oh! Yeah. Oh, God. See, anyone else had that misunderstanding? So you've left an important fact out of this, Rob.

Everyone left. It's nice. Everyone's having a good time. The toast was made to the ship, the captain, and, of course, to the massive cannon. Massive, massive cannon. Oh, yes. And to the massive cannon. Massive. Massive cannon. Oh yes. And then that's it. It was all over.

The ship turned round and headed for home. Only it was noted that they were passing Mount Vernon. Washington. And surely the memory of George Washington would love nothing more than to see a massive cannon in action. Massive cannon.

Oh yeah. You get the feeling there's a few drunk people on deck right now going, that's Mount Vernon. It's Mount Vernon. Oh, we've got a fire at Mount Vernon. Not at Mount Vernon. Like near Mount Vernon. I'll load it. I'll load it. Let's do it.

So yeah, it was decided to fire the cannon one more time. The captain decided, yes, this was a good idea. Word was sent below deck that another demonstration was about to start, one in honor of George Washington himself. Many headed for the upper deck. However, Tyler's son-in-law had just started singing

an old Revolutionary War song. Oh. Oh, yes. Oh, no. Can you see what's coming? I... Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Tyler decided to stay below deck until the song was finished, along with his potential future wife, Julia. However, many people went upstairs. As the song was drawing to an end, the cannon roared once more, only a little bit louder than before, and then the deck was filled with black smoke, and then the screaming started. Oh. Julia rushed for the stairs, screaming for her father. She was howled back and told not to go up. Her father was already dead.

In fact, so were a lot of people. In making the gun in Philadelphia, the people making it had not made it strong enough, lacking the technological advancements of the other gun. It was only a matter of time before it exploded. Red hot metal chunks had blasted across the upper deck, killing all in the way. Secretary of State Upshaw had his stomach ripped open and died shortly afterwards. Some had limbs blown clean off and died bleeding.

Tyler's Valley, Armistead, dead. Some survived with severe burns. Others were lucky and were just knocked unconscious. So that happened. Oh my goodness. Yeah. So I was thinking, like, is it a bear attack? Is it a... No. It wasn't a bear attack.

No. It was quite horrific. That's awful. Yeah. Tyler was also in for a shock when he was next able to think about the country because it turned out that Calhoun was now the Secretary of State. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Yeah. How on earth did that happen? Well, one of Tyler's friends, trying to be helpful, had approached a friend of Calhoun's just to test the waters. If offered the job, would Calhoun go for it? This was then passed on to Calhoun, but not as a feeler, but as an actual offer, which Calhoun then accepted. Diplomatically, Tyler could no longer revoke that.

And found himself with Calhoun as Secretary of State. He did not want Calhoun as Secretary of State. No one wanted Calhoun as Secretary of State. He scared everyone. Yeah. Yeah. The Texas annexation was almost done. But putting such an obviously pro-slavery man in charge of the final negotiations would kind of frame the whole issue around slavery, something that Tyler had been working hard to avoid.

It would not look good for the Northerners. No. And it did not, especially when Calhoun started dealing with the situation and some of his arguments came out. For example, he argued that Texas needed to join the United States and not stay independent because it would be good for the black population living there. After all, had science not proven that slaves in the South suffered less from deafness, blindness, insanity, and idiocy

compared to their free counterparts, being a slave was good for you if you were a black man. Yeah, this is exactly the kind of thing to their three counterparts. Being a slave was good for you if you were a black man. Oh. Yeah. This is exactly the kind of thing that Tyler really didn't want to be talked about. No. Getting Texas was about spreading democracy. Yeah.

Manifest destiny. It was not about spreading slavery. I mean, it was, but shh, Calhoun. Shh. It's now in the slaves' name. Yeah. Support for Tyler in the slaves' name. Yeah. Support for Tyler, never strong anyway, was now clearly not enough for him to win a second term.

It became very obvious that he was not going to win anything. But Tyler was determined to see Texas acquired one way or another. So he announced that he would run as neither a Democrat or a Whig, but his own party, Democrat-Republican. Meanwhile, the Whigs had Clay, and the Democrats floundered for a while, until eventually a surprise candidate came up, a man named Polk. For Tyler, this was working well. He agreed with Polk on many issues.

But if Tyler ran, he would pull enough votes from Polk for Clay to get the victory. Sacrificing himself to kill his enemy. Yeah, pretty much. He approached Polk through channels involving the still alive Andrew Jackson. Oh wow. Yeah. And it was

let known that if Polk assured him that the annexation of Texas would be ratified, then he would withdraw and encourage his supporters to if Polk assured him that the annexation of Texas would be ratified, then he would withdraw and encourage his supporters to back Polk. With this done, Tyler moved to more personal issues. Julia, after the loss of her father, had gone through a rough time. I mean, seeing your father literally being torn apart, it's going to do something to a young woman.

Or indeed anyone. Yeah, so she confessed that she saw the elderly president somewhat differently now i'll quote her he seemed to be more agreeable in every way than any younger man could ever be tyler had managed to get an unenthusiastic approval from julia's mother and the two were set to wed wow it was a small service little advertised only close friends and family attended. And then they had lunch at the gardener's apartment, and then a trip on a ferry around the harbour. And then, in what has to be considered one of the most inappropriate wedding plans ever...

Oh no. I mean, who was planning this, I don't know. Did it involve cannons? Who was planning this, I don't know. Did it involve cannons? Well, the warships saluted the president, including the Princeton, the ship that Julia's father had died on. I can only imagine that was a tense moment.

Yeah. But we've left the bloodstains, so technically he's still here. He saw your wedding, ma'am. Oh, you're crying. The couple then retired to Virginia for their honeymoon. And Tyler's new plantation, Sherwood Forest. Nice. Yeah, he liked Robin Hood, did Tyler.

Saw himself as a bit of a Robin Hood figure. After all, he took from the slaves and gave to the slave owners. To the rich. Maybe he was reading it back to front. I don't know. He was a sheriff of Nottingham. He was a political outlaw is how he saw himself. Ah, yes.

Oh dear. Anyway, the public reacted to this wedding very much as you would suspect. Ranging from, well, if they're happy, who are we to judge? To, what a deluded old jackass. That being an actual quote. Oh, yeah. Tyler's sons were happy enough, apparently.

His daughters, probably not John Jr., though, surely. His daughters, roughly the same age as Julia, were less than impressed. Nice. Yeah. They really did not like their new stepmother. Yeah. Anyway, once they returned to the White House, tensions in the marriage soon rose. Julia found

Tyler to be aloof and uncaring, constantly involved in business. Tyler thought Julia acted like a spoiled child. So when he gets to know somebody, he'll surely marry them. But, as far as we can tell, after this initial rough patch, they actually seemed very happy as a couple.

Yeah. Yeah. they ignored each other. Well, clearly not, because they had seven children together. Seven more! Oh, yes. Oh my goodness. We'll talk about them later. Anyway, Julia focused on refurbishing the White House, whilst Tyler focused on making sure

he was as popular as possible in order to make sure Polk stayed true to his word. As long as he had enough support, he could still play the kingmaker. So Tyler started to think about a way he could step down without the words corrupt bargain coming to people's minds. And, of course, the focus, as ever, was Texas. Tyler simply wanted to see the annexation of Texas. If that was achieved, then his dream was done.

He could retire. He'd done his job. He needed to do no more. And with that statement, and with the Texas thing looking like it was going through, he announced he would not run for a second term. The first person in US history to do so. Polk and Clay went head-to-head in an insanely tight race

that we will cover next time. But, as ever, Clay lost. He always loses. Yes. We will have to do an episode on him one day. Also, he doesn't become president eventually. No, it will just be him being constantly frustrated how close

he always comes to becoming president. Anyway, seeing Polk win, Tyler took this as confirmation from the people that Texas should be admitted immediately. The House passed a resolution to do so. It scraped through the Senate. Tyler was able to sign it into law three days before the end of his term.

Nice. Texas becomes a state. And then the Tylers said their goodbyes and headed home. Tyler semi-retired in Virginia. He became the overseer of roads. Yeah, apparently this was a bit of a snob to him by the local politicians. You can do the road job. But then Tyler managed to annoy everyone because he took the job very seriously and kept making people do things. What? To the point that they asked him to stop.

Yeah. They don't need levelling again. Like I say, he and Julia were busy, and they had seven children. Seven? Bringing the total of John Tyler's children to 15. The most of any president. That is an insane amount of children. That's quite a few children.

Is this the president where everyone kept telling us the same fact? Yes, well, I'm about to get there. Because the last of his children was born in 1860, when Tyler was 69. Cue the... Oh, yeah.

Yeah. He's practically 70. One of his sons, born in 1853, was Leon Gardner Tyler. And he had children late in life also, in his 70s. His children were Leon Jr. in 1924 and Harrison in 1928. And they are both, time of recording, still alive. Yeah.

So we have, and this is the fact that lots of people told us, John Tyler's grandchildren are still alive. Yeah. So we have, and this is the fact that lots of people told us, John Tyler's grandchildren are still alive. It's one of the first facts we tweeted out when we did the American podcast. Yes, it was. Yeah, in fact, did we? I remember halfway through our Roman Emperor series, we recorded a teaser trailer. This is perhaps a year before we started the American podcast.

And we just pretended we'd already recorded some episodes by recording some snippets of facts. Yeah. I'm fairly sure that was one of the facts in there. It might have been, actually. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it is a classic president fact.

Yes. I'm not surprised. It's a good one. It is a good fact. It's interesting. John Tyler, born in 1790, and his grandchildren are still alive. That is insane. It is insane, isn't it?

Wow. It's crazy. Anyway, back to Tyler, though, because he is still alive. That is insane. It is insane, isn't it? Wow. It's crazy. Anyway, back to Tyler, though, because he is still alive. As the Civil War approached, Tyler was firmly in support of the South, you will not be surprised to learn. Virginia, fearing a slave uprising, raised the militia at one point, and Tyler was given a command. After all, he'd proven himself before. Then, he was part of a peace delegation Sent by Virginia to Washington War is on the horizon We need to get this sorted

A compromise was battered out However, Tyler disagreed with what the committee had come up with Feeling that the deal did not reflect the slave states' rights enough He then became to believe that the only way to avoid war was for the slave states to have a clean break from the Union. He headed a committee that negotiated Virginia's entry into the Confederacy. He was then appointed to the Confederate Congress. Shortly after, John Tyler dies in 1862.

His health had been deteriorating for a little while. He felt cold and dizzy. His doctor, Dr. Peachy, apparently. Brilliant. That's where the phrase comes from. I think. Peachy. Well, his doctor gave him some brandy and some morphine. As you do.

My kind of doctor. Yeah. But this was very much a short-term solution. Because John Tyler said the words, I am going. And he did. He died.

His coffin was draped in the Confederate flag. Making him the only president to be buried under a non-United States flag. Wow. He was then given a funeral that painted him as a hero of the Confederacy. Interesting. And that's the end of John Tyler. So, I wouldn't say he single-handedly started the Civil War, but

he's a big player, isn't he? Yeah, we're getting close now, and we're going to start to see the Civil War being foreshadowed more and more. Yeah, there you go. That's the man. Interesting. Should we rate him?

Yeah. He is often said to be a man of great principle. That is true. I mean, he quit rather than break his beliefs. Although saying that, he was also more than happy to bend those principles when he was actually the president. happy to bend those principles when he was actually the president. The spoil system that the Whigs had denounced so much under Jackson

kind of came back into place under Tyler. Would that have been something he'd been solely responsible for? Something that would have happened with the people around him doing that? I think, in the wise words of another president, the book stops here. Okay. He's got to get the blame for that. Yeah, fair enough.

This idea that he was very principled to a point he established firmly the precedent that the vice president became the full president after the death of a president which is nice so when the president

dies the vice president becomes the president that's the precedent that was set. That was current present. Yes. Yes, exactly. Yeah, I mean, this is written into law many years later, but for a while it is just this president that makes sure it happens.

It could have gone differently. This is the first time it happened, and John Tyler made sure that that's what happens. No snap election. No. No stand-in whilst the party re-elects someone with inside. No, just straight, clean, new president. No fuss.

There are a lot of benefits to that. There are a lot of benefits to that. There are some weaknesses. Such as you might end up with a vice president that is at complete odds with the party that it's now ruling. But still, it is a thing to note. He managed to broker a deal with the British over the Canadian border that meant that another war did not break out. And just like with Van Buren, who managed to keep a lid on this,

this is perhaps... Perhaps Tide has not given enough credit here. So he does do that. War is expensive. Yeah. Well, he also opened up trade with China oh

yeah which I didn't really talk about but yeah he sent lots of feelers around the world in particular China tried to help the economy

by establishing trade routes he and going back to Hawaii here he laid the foundation for Hawaii to become a state

a hundred years later by making it clear that the Monroe Doctrine included Hawaii. There is no way they knew about Hawaii back then. I do not believe in history. They definitely knew about Hawaii. But remember, the Monroe Doctrine is saying,

anyone from Europe comes over here trying to take any of this anymore, we will fight you. Oh, okay. Hands off the Americas. And Tyler said, by the way, that includes Hawaii. Okay. Yeah. No, I don't believe it. No Tyler said, by the way, that includes Hawaii. Okay. Yeah. No, I don't believe it.

No, okay, fair enough. He got Texas into the Union. Yeah. Although this was mainly so slavery would not be weakened. Yeah. And it also significantly contributed to the start of the Civil War. Yeah. And the rapid push to get it done was partly because he wanted it done under his name.

So, I mean, whether you count that as a plus or not is debatable. I wonder why his own name, though. He sort of, he did seem genuinely wanting to do it, the whole slave thing, rather than glory, more of a mission, like a session. He genuinely wanted America's democracy to spread. And we shouldn't forget, there were a lot of faults with America at this time. Yeah. But actually, compared to most places in the world, they do have a good, strong democracy at this point.

Yeah, that's true. And there were many places in the world that were very much behind them in terms of a decent democracy. Britain probably included them. Yes. So John Tyler wanting to spread this democracy, you can see his point of view, but it's just so tied up into the spread of slavery, unfortunately,

that it doesn't come across as good. Yeah. Yeah. And also, there's only so much of spreading your view of how the world should work before someone loses an eye. Yeah. People start to disagree. Yeah.

Why are you a first? Yeah. So that, believe it or not, was the good section of this round. Oh, wow. Bad. He was expelled by his own party. Yeah. That's not great.

He vetoed many laws that the elected party put forth. He used secret agents to politically campaign. That's a bit dicey. Yeah. Yeah. And lastly, it's a biggie, this one. He committed treason and then died a traitor fighting against the country. That's a good point.

Yeah. That's a really good point. Yeah. Now, obviously, there will be some people who debate this. He was fighting for his state, not against his country. You have this strange split. He was the president. Well, yeah.

This is it, though. He can't disagree with the unionist thing that much. Exactly. We're going to come across this more and more as we get closer to the Civil War here. From an historical sense, the Confederacy was a breakaway state that was treasonous, in the sense that it broke away, and that broke the Constitution.

You can't argue with that. Now, if the South had won, I'm sure history would have judged this differently, just as the treason committed by the Founding Fathers is now celebrated. But, if the South won, then slavery could still well be a thing so uh sorry tyler i'm not too sad that you go down as a traitor no no yeah it's uh he was on

the wrong side of history there absolutely yeah so that's not great no three wow you're even going that high are you what for i was just trying to work that out as I was saying it he set a precedent with the vice president becoming president I'll give him a point for that I'm going to give him another one for the Canadian main border being sorted

I'll match that two for me and two for you let's just door check the score. One, two, three, four. Four. Disgrace, Giggity. Okay, so we've got another slave owner here. But one more in the style of Jefferson rather than Washington.

He seemed to actively think that slavery was a good thing. He actively bought and sold slaves. The selling of a woman so he could afford to go to the capital, a particular low point. And yes, we've had other presidents who were slave owners, and yes, that is awful. They sort of hid it a bit. They didn't advertise the fact that it's a good thing.

Although he didn't actively say slavery is brilliant, all his motives was to sustain it. He had a chance to cut it down and said we're yeah we're gonna do slavery but we will because blah blah blah yeah you've got the likes of jefferson who was just full-on racist jackson who was full-on buying and selling slaves and tyler seems to be in that mold yes um The presidents that claimed they hated slavery, but they kind of put up with it, but did nothing to help it. That's not great, but isn't quite as bad as this.

No. Yeah, I mean, that's not great. And then, of course, the big one. It's always hard to judge relationships in history. We simply don't have enough to fully judge the marriage between Julia and John Tyler. So let's look at this in two different ways, shall we? And then we can decide.

Story number one. A devastated man who had just lost his wife found comfort in a younger lady who was shy to begin with, but while he helped her get over the death of her father, the two fell in love. That's nice, isn't it? Yeah. Or we could look at it this way. A lecherous old man whose wife had only just died saw a young girl who his son was looking to and decided to have a go himself. She resisted until her father tragically died.

While she was vulnerable and in mourning, in bits, he was able to convince her to see him as a father figure and therefore marry him. That's dark. That's true, because there is no way we can know this. It's going to be somewhere between those two scales and it is really hard to see um because back then people young people did marry older people for security so it wasn't unusual julia did have another potential suitor who was a similar age to tyler

yeah so i mean it wasn't completely unheard of But you do get the impression she didn't want to marry until her dad died. And then... But maybe the father was the linchpin, the thing stopping them getting married. Maybe he was the main... Maybe, maybe. But she had freedom then, after being blown to bits. Yeah. I don't know.

I don't think it's as black and white as that. It's a bit soon after. It's a bit soon, but you can understand you know wife just died you're in mourning you're vulnerable yourself someone may be giving you a little bit of attention yeah i don't know i'm i'm leaning more towards story two to be honest i don't i i think that's too extreme for what it perhaps was oh yeah no i. No, I don't think it's quite that extreme. I've tried to paint the two extremes here. I'd put it... I was halfway. You're going dead halfway.

Dead on halfway, yeah. I'd lean more towards two. I mean, we are fully in speculation territory here. Oh, yeah. It's just opinion. Yeah, so... Tell us what you think. Listen to us.

Yeah. Send us a message. Anyway, points... Was he a pervy old man? Or just someone in mourning who eventually found love? Who knows? 30-year age gap. But who knows?

Not uncommon back then. Okay, total score, because we're minus in this, aren't we? Quite a lot for the slavery thing. And I'm knocking a few off for the young wife as well. We've seen worse, definitely. Oh, he traces his country. That's disgrace. You see, I debated whether to put this in Disgracegate or Statesmanship.

I can see why. Because, as we've said, Disgracegate is personal stories. That's true. The other is things on behalf of the state. So helping Virginia to join the Confederacy, that's very much a state movement. But then I suppose he did personally decide to turn against the union. So maybe we could also put some points in here.

I mean, being the only president to be buried under a non-US flag is quite big. I'm going to go for seven, I think. Oh, I was thinking of eight. You're going for eight. I'm going for eight for seven, I think. Oh, I was thinking of eight. You're going for eight. I'm going for eight. Minus 15. So he's on minus 11 so far.

Well, it's all right. As long as he had an action-packed, fun life story, he'll score lots in the next round. Oh, good. Silver screen. Okay, I usually do the notes for this round off the top of my head. I don't go back and look at my notes again. I usually just think, what parts stuck with me?

Yeah. And I make a quick list of them. Oh dear. So here we go. He was born. He was rubbish in the military. He was a lawyer. He disliked Jackson.

He became vice president. He became president. Admittedly, you could get some good stuff in this part. With Harrison dying and... I think if you were doing a show or film, you'd start it at his presidency. At that beginning point, you might do the occasional flashback

to things. Yeah. That's all you need to do. Well, let me get to the end of the list. Sorry. Then his wife died. Again, you could get some stuff there. He met Julia. he tried to woo her whilst trying to also get texas and then the only exciting thing to really happen in his life the disaster on the princeton he then married julia he then joins the confederacy and dies for the first time i'm feeling this is a film and not a miniseries. Yeah, you really could cram it in, couldn't you?

Yeah. And not even a long film. Two and a half hours at the most. Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. Like you say, you start with the presidency, some flashbacks to its childhood, but there's nothing really you need to focus on there. Maybe some stuff to establish Clay as a character.

And then you just go through the stuff with his wife dying, meeting Julia, and then you could finish off with the explosion on the Princeton. That could be the climax of the film. It's really not an amazing life story, is it? No, it's really not. I'm going slightly higher than that,

I think. His wife dies whilst he's in the White House, and then he marries a woman in her early 20s you can get a lot out of that hmm and then this is a romance film though and then there's a huge

explosion on a ship where people are literally ripped apart that's where he's got the one point from I'm gonna go for four yeah

I really have a feeling we might hit some that literally they were born they went and worked in an office and then they became president I'm saving my ones and twos for those but you're gonna have some interesting things

happen in the office aren't you you're gonna have like the more more of a sit downy drama rather than a quite possible thing so six for six of the screen so he's now at uh um oh god minus five minus five well hopefully he was a damn good looker then, so he can pick up some points in this round. Inversibility. Okay, there's his official portrait. Nice detail. Yeah, yeah, it's a nice detail. Oh, he's holding a giant hanky.

Got a ring with an opening or something. Yeah, he's looking off to one side, sat down, holding... Holding what is that? Like a towel. Maybe it's some paper. Maybe it's the US Constitution. He's screwing up just before he joins the Confederacy. There's writing on it.

Oh, yeah. It might be. He looks very Victorian in this. Yes, he does, doesn't he? Very Victorian one we've seen, I think. He looks like an old man. He does. He does.

He looks like an old man who may have been a bit of a good looker in his youth. Yes. He's not like an ugly old man, but he's very much an old man. Do you want to see Julia? Yeah. There she is. Oh, that's a difference. Yeah, she was said to turn the heads, was Julia.

Interesting fact about her. She had a photo taken. She didn't like it because she looked too thin. Because at that time, you wanted to look more plump. Yeah. Yeah. That's wealthy. you're well fed yes exactly um so she preferred portraits to be handed out of her which she did enjoy her because it she could plump herself out a bit yeah in the portraits it's the uh 1800s version of uh instagram. Yeah. So anyway. So those two got married.

He looks a bit like my grandad. Big nose. Yeah. The hairline I'll have in five years. Five years? Five weeks. It's not bad. Try not to be swayed by the fact that I don't particularly like the man.

He's meh. Lovely painting. We'll paint it. It's not terrible, but I'm not looking at him and I'm not inspired. No, it's just... That could be anyone. It is middle of the road. It's not bad. It's not good.

So I think I'm going to go middle of the road. I'm going to go five. I'll match that. So dividing that, that gives him a score of 2.5. Oh, we're at minus 2.5. Yeah, best hope for some bonus points now. Bonus! Full term served.

One. Zero. Oh, okay. He was shot by one month, of course. He did not serve a full term. Yes! Oh, brilliant. Assassination attempts.

That bomb was a cake. Zero. Election. He was a cake. Zero. Election. He wasn't elected. Zero. Oh, God. So we have a first in American President's totalus rancium, or indeed ever, because we don't use minus numbers in the Roman Seras. No, it's not possible.

We have a minus score in the end. John Tyler, you're officially our worst president. With a minus 2.5. That's really bad, isn't it? That's worse than Quintilis. Yes. But of course we're not finished. We really are.

We really are, aren't we? But still, cue the sound. American or American? No. Obviously not, no. There's no way. He is a massive American. And the fact he traded his country proves that even more.

Yeah. There's no way you can get American. No, you can't. Prove us wrong, listeners. Tell us why we're wrong, and we'll bat you away like flies. Well, to be fair, we do have many history professors on our side here. Good. Tyler is consistently ranked as one of the worst presidents in US history.

Really? Yes. Yeah. Not the worst, but the one who is regularly ranked the worst and has been for quite some time is not far off. Okay. Yeah. Brilliant. Lincoln, right?

Yes. Right, there we go. That is our episode. And that was John Tyler. And next time we have Polk. I've heard the name Polk. You've heard the name Polk. That's because he's a president.

I've heard of Harrison. I might have done. When we were talking to people, the POTUS people. I wasn't heard of Harrison. I might have done. When we were talking to people, V. POTUS people. I wasn't listening. We mentioned Polk. Polk. Polk.

Yeah. Because I said his hair looks like he's got a mullet. Which, it's more swept back, but still, certain angles, it definitely looks a bit mullety. Sometimes my hair looks a bit like a mullet as well, because I do that. Yeah, exactly.

It's similar. Oh, mullet. He's hair looks a bit like a mullet as well because I do that. Yeah, exactly. It's similar. Oh, mullet. He's got a nickname Young Hickory. Obviously Jackson's nickname is Old Hickory. Oh, a bit shooty. Yes, he's very much

a Jacksonian. Really? This Hulk. But we'll see how that translates to I mean, did he run around shooting people all the time? Who knows?

We'll find out. I hope so. We will find out. Okay, well, thank you very much for listening. But before we go this week... ... ... A sound that will strike fear

into all our Roman Emperors listeners that has yet to be heard in this series. It's Jamie's keyboard. Yay! ... ...... in this series. It's Jamie's keyboard. Yay! Because we have a special message. We do.

Yes, we had Charlotte contact us about a month ago now and ask us to give a happy birthday message to Scott Bollohan. Bollohan. Scott Bollohan. Scott Bollohan Bollohan Scott Bollohan Scott Bollohan Scott, happy birthday Apparently Scott's one of our most avid listeners And has been listening to us for a very long time

So, yeah, we're wishing him a happy birthday Happy birthday to you Wait, wait, wait, stop, stop, stop, stop Just realised It's my mum's birthday in two days' time. So it will be my mum's birthday two days ago when we released this episode.

And if we do a happy birthday song to Scott and don't mention her birthday, she will kill me. So, this is a happy birthday song to Scott and Rob's mum. And if you can't stand listening to this song, just skip to Scott and Rob's mum. And if you can't stand listening to this song, just skip 30 seconds. That's fine.

I'm including Scott in this. One, two, three. Happy birthday to you. Both of you. Happy birthday to you. Both of you. Happy birthday to Scott and Rob's mum. My mum. And happy birthday to you.

And many more. A nice touch at the end there. Yeah. I can see you practised. Yes, I didn't just wing that at all. So, I hope you enjoyed the birthday message. Yeah. Yeah, and if you're listening and it's your birthday, then that was also for you.

Yeah. Yeah. And if you want us to do it for you in the future, just substitute their names for yours in the future. Yeah, just we listen. Easy. Yeah, it's fine. Okay, right. Thank you very much for listening.

As always, you can download us from the various places you download us from. And you can follow us on all the places you can want to follow us on. Yes. Whether it be in Birmingham or Coventry. Yes. And please, please leave reviews on iTunes or anywhere else because they really help out. And please leave comments on Pubbean as else because they really help out.

And please leave comments on Podbean as well because somebody asked if they can review on Podbean. I think you can review, but you can certainly leave comments on episodes. Yes, which I didn't even realise until relatively recently. Yeah. And saw a whole bunch of comments I've never seen about episodes. They were nice to read. Yeah. So yeah, leave comments.

They make us smile. Yeah. So all that needs to be said then... Is goodbye. Goodbye. Okay, Gerald, are you ready? Are you ready to go in? I really don't... I don't think I've been trained enough, sir. We are with you with this. We're right behind you, all six of us.

Yes, but you're behind me in three rooms away. We're still with you. We have this new communication device. But what is this? It's two cups on a string. Keep it taut. What? How could this possibly work? That's right. Off you go. Okay, right. I'm in. I'm in. Talk into the cup. What? Oh, okay, right, I'm in. Okay, can you see the box? Over. I can see several boxes. Over. Can you see the one

from Millicent's bakery? Ah, yes, it's, it's the pink one. Yes, that one. We suspect that one may be the bomb. Right. Not the ticking one, then. No, no. Millicent's Bakery, in the lovely curly writing. Smells a bit of frosting. Okay. I'm stepping towards it now, sir. Very carefully kneel down. Kneeling, sir? Now with one hand behind your back, undo the latch.

Which one? Which hand or which latch? Both. Right hand for latch and all latches. Okay. Go again, sir.

Sir? Yes? Tell Clara I love her. Isn't your wife's name Geraldine? Her too. Her? Opening the latch, sir. Right. Now, tell us exactly what you can see. Okay, I'm going to explain it in as much detail as possible.

I can see what appears to be... a Victoria sponge, sir. Oh, damn it, our worst nightmares. I've never done a Victoria sponge, sir. I wasn't trained for this. It's okay, calm down, calm down. Just answer me a simple question. We'll guide you through this.

Does it have icing? Three colors, sir. Three colors? Red, white, and blue. God, they knew who were coming. But it can't have a cherry on, not with that complexity. Four, sir. Four?

But monsters, you need to lift up the top sponge without touching the bottom sponge. It may go at any time. The top sponge? For moving all of it? No, just lift a corner to start with. If you see a spark, well, you're dead. Lift a corner, sir? Yes.

Sir, the cake is wrapped. Damn it! Damn you to hell, Millicent. Do what you can. Lift up a part. I'm going to use the rotating method, sir. God, are you sure? It's either that or we all go. Lifting now, sir.

In three, two, go. Lifting now, sir. In three, two, one. Gerald! The top layer's off, sir. The top layer's off. Thank God. Thank God. Now what, sir? Are there any wires? What? No, of course not. It's a cake. I think at this point we can be more daring. What do you think, Gerald?

I think, if I dare to say it, I think we're in the clear, sir. How sure are you? I'm going to use the knife, sir. The cake knife? The cake knife. Good luck. Godspeed. Before I

do this, I just, I wanted to say I've been thinking recently. You know that's a bad idea, Gerald. Well, I've come up with a solution. All the tension in the country at the moment. People talking about possible civil war. I know a way to get around it. In fact, I think I've figured out a way to enter a new golden age.

For a thousand years, this country will be prosperous. Well, don't bother with that now. Wait to tell me after you've got your slice of cake and a nice cup of tea. I'll see you in five minutes, sir. Putting the knife in now.