American Presidents: Totalus Rankium - 1.1 George Washington

Episode Date: March 3, 2018

So we begin! We start with George Washington pt.1 (from birth to the end of the War of Independence). If George wanted to be anything, it was to be a Proper Gentleman. He new all the rules: Work hard, stiff upper lip, don't brush your teeth with the tablecloth etc. Things were going... ok... But then a meeting was called to discuss those damned British. And Washington had just had that lovely blue uniform made... 

Welcome to Totalus Rankium. This week, George Washington Part 1. Hello and welcome to American Presidents Totalus Rankium. I am Jamie. And I'm Rob, ranking all of the presidents from Washington to Trump. And this is episode 1.1, George Washington. Yay! So Rob, why are we doing point one? Because there's a lot on Washington. There's quite a lot of stuff to cover. So for the first time, we are splitting an episode. Obviously, for the first time, isn't that big a deal because we're right at the start of this

podcast. But we've never done this with any of the Roman emperors before. No, no, no. So we're going to split it. We are going to look at George Washington from his birth up until the end of the Revolutionary War today. Oh, that'll be interesting. Yes. And then next time we'll see what happened after the war and when he became president and a little bit after he was president. That sounds good. And then we'll do some ranking. Yeah. Yeah. So let's just jump in, shall we? Let's jump in. Born on the 22nd of February, 1732. So we've just missed his birthday. Oh, 1732. 1732, yeah. That's a long time ago. That is a long time ago.

Almost 400 years, almost. 300 years. That's what I said. Yeah, I definitely heard 300. Yeah. Yeah. George Washington came from an English family who first pops up in the Civil War, as in the English Civil War.

His great-great-grandfather was chased out of his parish by cromwell's men oh so go he's used to revolutions isn't he then what the family yeah yeah yeah well the great great grandfather was chased out because he was accused of frequenting the ale houses a bit too often i can't stand people that frequent ale houses i know it's awful, isn't it? So, great-great-grandfather was a drunk monk, or something similar. So, sipping on my beer. Yes. So, things weren't going too well. The drunk monk's son, John, decided to make a new life in the New World.

He mainly did this because his ship had become grounded in bad weather after trading some tobacco. So, it wasn't really a choice. No. It was more being deserted in the colonies. As I'm here, might as well. Yeah, well, I might wasn't really a choice. No. It was more being deserted in the colonies. As I'm here, might as well. Yeah, well, I might as well have a go at it. How hard can growing tobacco be? Yeah, let's go to Jamestown.

Well, it's a little bit after that, and he actually did quite well. Yeah. Yeah, he became a colonel in the colonial troops. That's good. Yeah, that's not bad. Yeah. Earning the nickname Town Devourourer that's quite menacing yes what did he do to earn that i think he had a firm handshake it's maybe he's one of these like you

know you get people that um do competitive eating yeah he literally took it too far he started with the chickens finished all them started with the table, then the stage, then the local church. Kept going. Kept going. Yeah. I'd love it if it was that nice. I think it was that he massacred some Native American tribes. More than likely. Yay.

Yeah, relations with the locals, a bit fraught. Still, on the op side, he got married, which is nice. The wife died, which was sad. He then got married to a pair of sisters who were accused of running a brothel. One after another. Oh, okay. But still, a bit scandalous there. John seems like an interesting chap and I wish we had more time to talk about him, but we can't because he grows older and he dies and he passes everything on to Lawrence, his son. Because he grows older and he dies and he passes everything on to Lawrence, his son. Lawrence marries up socially and adds a bit of prestige to the reasonable wealth that John had acquired.

As did his own son, Augustine, who inherited the family name and the wealth, only being a child at the time. At this point, the Washington family move back to England, the Lake District. Very nice in the Lake District. It is, very nice. But due to inheritance disputes, they. Very nice in the Lake District. It is. Very nice. Yeah. But due to inheritance disputes, they end up back in Virginia shortly afterwards. Augustine was a very large man. Although mild-mannered. Probably gets it

from John, the town devourer. Probably, yeah. Well, apparently, Augustine would place iron that two ordinary men could barely raise from the ground onto the back of a wagon. So he's strong onto the back of a wagon. So he's strong. Big giant of a man who used to go around lifting up iron bars by the sounds of it.

Nice. Yeah. He met and married Mary Ball after his first wife died. And together they had a son, George Washington. Oh, that's the name of the guy in the episode. There you go. We're there. We're there.

We're doing him now. Yeah. Was he born on the 22nd of February? Yeah, I know. 1732. He was. Not bad. Good note-taking. Yeah, thank you.

Augustine already had three children from his previous marriage. By the time George was eight, five more siblings were born. This was quite a large family. Wasn't all happy, though. Two daughters, a sister and a half-sister of George, died in his childhood. That's quite sad. It is, but unfortunately common at the time, yes. Out of all the siblings,

the person George looked up to most was his elder half-brother, Lance. 14 years older, he would have appeared fully grown to George. You know, probably wasn't. Well, start really thinking and remembering things at about 4 or 5. Yeah, so they were in 18, 19. Yeah, fair enough.

So at school, George seemed to keep his head down. Although there is one report of him and I quote, romping with one of the largest girls. Oh. Oh yes. I say. He was getting to know her. Yeah, it sounds like they got to know each other well

behind the equivalent of the bike sheds back in the 1740s. The stables, I imagine. So there you go. Bit of scandal. Yeah, bit of scandal straight away. Unlike many of the founding fathers, he didn't go to college, something that would frustrate him for most of his life, as he was surrounded by better educated people. Learning French at this time would have been really useful

for his later life, but he didn't know it at the time. He was too busy with Deirdre or whatever her name would have been. Knowing French? Yeah, knowing French. Why would that be useful? He might just come across a few French people later on in life. You never know. Some do the Canada? We'll find out.

Alright. Or this is not to say he wasn't interested in study, however. He was apparently quite keen on mathematics. Okay. But his biggest pursuit was education of becoming the perfect English gentleman.

Oh, the irony. Oh, yes. Yes, if there was one thing that young George Washington wanted to do, it was to be proper. He copied out, at one point, the 110 Rules of Civility and Decent Behaviour. A fun-sounding book. That's great. I'll quote a couple of these rules here.

In the presence of others, sing not to yourself with a humming noise, nor drum your fingers or feet. Good. Yeah? Yeah. You agree with that one? Uh, no, not really. Do you like a good hum? I do like a good hum. Oh, okay. George would not have been impressed. It's nice. This next one.

But you know man's face with your spittle You get to the point You get to the point where you really think Does this rule need to be written down? Really? Dost thou not chew with thy mouth closed? Well, you'll like this one

Cleanse not your teeth with the tablecloth I know That's where we've been going wrong Yeah, that's where we've been going wrong Yeah, that's where we've been going wrong Yeah Well, George takes all of these rules to heart He's going to be a proper English gentleman There's no more spitting on people

And then wiping his teeth with the tablecloth for him No One day, Lawrence So, older brother Lawrence Who he looks up to Marries someone named Anne Fairfax. That's a very English name, isn't it? They're all very, very English at this point.

Anne Fairfax. Yes. Tally-ho. The Fairfaxes were high up in the social pecking order. Yeah. And this introduced George to a new way of life. The Washingtons were rich, but the Fairfaxes were filthy rich. Oh.

Yes. They would never have to look at their bank account, they just know they're rolling in it. Yeah, there's never a question of how much does this cost. My butler will pass it to you. Yeah. And his butler will pass it to him. George was soon friends with the Fairfaxes.

The father of the household, obviously named Colonel Fairfax, shared copies of Caesar's commentaries with this eager young boy who kept coming round. And who is Caesar? He's a man from the past. If you want to know more about him, listen to our Roman Emperor's podcast.

Although it's a special episode because he's not an emperor. So things are looking good for George. He's got this new family, posh family, he keeps nipping around to and they keep giving him advice and giving him things to read and think about. However, things are not great at home. Money was starting to get a little bit tight. Fortunately, George's Fairfax connection landed him a job and the colonel hired him and his son William to go and survey some land. Now, surveying land sounds insanely boring. It is. But back then, it meant going on an adventure into lands unknown.

Oh, and you get a horse as well. That's quite cool. Yeah, we're talking almost like Wild West kind of adventures here. Oh, nice. Yeah. Howdy, partner. That's the accent they put on immediately. George, you've changed.

Where'd you get the leather waistcoat from? The tassels are interesting, George. And those boots. They're setting me all aflutter. Out into the wild they go. George at first was shocked that they had to sleep on straw mattresses with flea-ridden blankets. He wasn't accustomed to this. The group he was with soon encountered some Native Americans.

The two groups camped and drank and danced together. Washington found this spectacle rather amusing. I bet to them it seemed like just gestures and sort of clowning. Yeah, you get a very condescending tone from young Washington at this point. It gets even better though because later they met some dutch settlers who george described as a parcel of barbarians and completely ignorant due to their lack of english wow that's that's wow george is doing a very good job at becoming a true English gentleman at this point. He really is.

He's a borderline Victorian. Yeah. Years ahead. One night, his straw mattress was a little bit too close to the fire, and he awoke in flames. Fortunately, they were able to stamp it out before anyone was hurt. But that's not how you want to wake up. It's like waking up in the morning trying to make himself look great and he just comes

out the tent half a scarred hair gone. Sleep well, George. It burns. So this was just the first surveying trip and Washington was soon doing this professionally, starting at 17. So this was an actual income for him.

Again, the Fairfaxes ensuring his employment as the surveyor for the newly formed Culpeper County. So he's got an actual job here. He's getting some experience. And that experience of going out into the West, which had not been claimed by any of the English colonies yet, gave him a lot of experience of traversing the land. How far west was he going?

Not hugely far west. We're just going into Ohio County here. The mid states. Yeah, just below the Great Lakes. We're still very eastern here. But back in these days, this was the west. However, around this time, his brother Lawrence became deathly ill. Oh, no.

Not too ill to sail to England, however. That'd probably kill him quicker, wouldn't it? Well, the idea was the best doctors were in England, so if he goes to England, they'd be able to help. Leeches! Oh, yeah, leeches. Bloodletting. Let me stick this in you and see if it helps. Biting this wooden block Or cut it off

Yeah so all the top quality doctors Were in London at the time They knew exactly how many leeches to use And throwing them on willy nilly Like in the colonies So Lawrence went to England The best advice he could get Was go to Barbados

It's quite nice there, I hear. Anything else? No? Okay. That was it. That was the recommendation. So all the way back to the colonies, Lawrence goes. He's still looking very bad here.

So George goes with his brother on a 37-day journey across the sea to Barbados. Wow, that's insanely long long isn't it? Yes. During an hour it takes you can get from Britain to the US side in about 7 days or 6 days. 5 days I think actually. I'd take it on boat not like on plane. That'd be a very slow plane. That's over a month on a ship. Even longer to get to Britain though. It's just insane when you think these people popping over the Atlantic on their wooden boats with sails. Yeah.

Anyway, they get to Barbados. However, all that happened in Barbados was that Lawrence got a lot worse and George got smallpox. Oh no. Yes. That was called scarring. Oh yes. Our Roman Emperors listeners will know all about smallpox.

We've talked about this a lot before. Yes, we have. We even did a history on smallpox in one of our episodes. Very scientific as well. Yeah, if you go to our Roman Emperors podcast and look up episode 36, Hostilian, there's about ten minutes at the start of Hostilian. Yeah, he died of smallpox straight away. And then there's the history of smallpox that you could listen to.

I believe you equated it to bubble wrap disease because essentially that's what it looks like on your face. Yeah, evil bubble wrap disease. That's what it is. Fortunately for George, this was a mild case though. It's like those tiny little bubble wraps that you get, not like the really big ones. Not like a bike, it's more like a...

Like a small ornament that you hold. Yeah, yeah. Okay. They don't make a big pop sound, just little snap sounds when you... That's his brother. This is actually quite good for George. I mean, obviously he hated it at the time I'm sure But this means he is immune to smallpox for the rest of his life

That's true And this was only a mild case So actually he got it out of the way Not too bad The trip however just doesn't work Lawrence died at his home in Mount Vernon in 1752 George devastated by this He really looked up to his older brother.

However, he's now moved up a notch in the will. He'd get Mount Vernon if Lawrence's wife and child just, you know, happened to go away. So he took all his play-ridden bedding

with him. I'm staying the night, guys. No, obviously there is no indication that George was plotting to get Mount Vernon. But we know the secrets. Oh, we know the secrets. Mount Vernon, I should hesitate to add, is not like a mountain. This is an estate with a big house in it.

Lots of farmlands and lots of slaves. Yay. Yay. Despite Lawrence dying, his ties to the Fairfaxes had not been cut. He was firmly established with the Fairfaxes by this point, and the colonel, who I'd like to think had a big moustache. Oh, yeah.

Definitely. Found a position in the army for Washington. He became a major in the Virginian militia. It's good to know the right people, isn't it? It really is. What's that? Any experience? No?

You're a major! Your wealth gives you experience. Exactly. Washington joins the military just in time to personally start what some call the First Real World War. Is it World... That's not World War.

I'm not talking about the War of Independence here. Okay. I'm talking about the Seven Year War. Oh, okay. Which is the first war which was really fought across the entire world. And it was George Washington who started it. Of course it was. Yeah, as we will see. England obviously had the eastern coast by this point, but to the west, below the Great Lakes, was the northwest region of Ohio. Not a state at this point, just a vague area. This was lived in by the Iroquois, along with many others. It also belonged to the French, or at least the French used it to hunt and trade fur, which was as good a claim as anyone had back then. English colonists, however, were pushing into the area to settle. This is why

George was going into the area to survey the land. Ah. Bit of tension there. As France and England loved going to war anyway, this dispute was only going to end one way. All they needed was a spark to set it off. Enter George Washington. Hi. As a brand new young major, Washington was given the job to go into the disputed territory and let the French know that they had to leave.

This was a diplomatic mission between two world superpowers. Definitely a job for the work experience boy. There's nothing diplomatic about that. That's just, no, that's just invasion. You need to leave. This is now our land. It's only Washington and a handful of men giving them a letter. But still. It's not going to go down well, is it?

Washington himself reflected later on in life that so young and an inexperienced a person should have been employed on such negotiations was folly. Of course it was. Yes. But, that's old Washington talking. Young Washington

was eager to go. Tally-ho! He was given a letter to give to whoever was in charge over there and told he should remain peaceful. So Washington sets off

with a handful of men in mid-November to travel the 250 miles through ice and snow. Oh, that doesn't sound pleasant. Oh, no. I've struggled today walking in a mild stream of snow. Some dusting of snow on the ground.

It was treacherous, it was. Yeah, touch and go for a bit. Part of the mission was to meet up with the Iroquois and get information off them about the French. However, due to the fact that the French in the area were only there for trade, they tended to get on quite well with the native population. Whereas, as we have seen in the last episode, the English colonists had been treating their Native American

friends a bit nastily for the past couple of centuries. Still, they were able to meet up with a tribal leader named Tanner Charrison, which I'm probably butchering the pronunciation, I apologise for that. Still, I'm probably butchering the pronunciation. I apologise for that. Still, I'm doing better than the colonists did back then, because they simply called him the Half King. Ooh, which is a poor translation of his status. Tanner Charison hated the French. Really hated the French. He claimed that they had eaten his father. Well, they do eat strange things. Frog's legs. Tribal leaders.

I tried to find out a bit more about this, on whether it was true or not, and I couldn't find out whether there was any basis for him hating the French, and whether this was true. But apparently they ate his father. I imagine the scene's subtitled, but the characters can read the subtitles as they're talking to each other.

It's a really bad translation. They ate my father rather than they ate our wheat or something. Yes. Yeah, maybe it was just poor translation. Anyway, with aid from Tanner Jarrison and three of his men, Washington arrived at the French camp. The French captain politely read the letter telling them to leave. The captain replied,

As to the summons you sent me to retire, I don't think myself obliged to obey it. Oh, said Washington. Okay. Still, they've done their job. They've let the French know that they're not welcome here anymore. The captain then gave provisions to Washington and his troop for their return journey. Always civilised here.

Although he did try and bribe Tenor Charrison to switch sides. Only after a heated argument between George and Tenor Charrison did the latter agree to go with George. Things got a bit heated. The going back was very tough and they had to

abandon their horses. They used a canoe to go down an icy river for a while, but that only got them so heated. The going back was very tough and they had to abandon their horses. They used a canoe to go down an icy river for a while, but that only got them so far. In the end, they had to cut across land. Why did you abandon the horses? Obviously, going down a river, I can understand it, but your horse, he can go down the river, right? I think the horses were suffering a bit as well. Did they eat them, do you think? Oh, I didn't read that they ate them, but... It makes sense.

Let's say they did. Okay. Yeah, so they did. Okay. Yeah. So they ate their horses. Horse kebab. And then they used the horse carcasses to canoe down the river. Yes! Economical.

There we go. It's a bit more of a grisly image than I first had in my head. You have to be upside down, though. Like, put the horse upside down, carve out the insides. Yeah, that's what you eat. An upside down horse head floating through the water. Yeah, and you can use the legs to steer. Fuck!

Oars. Horseleg oars. And you can use the legs to steer. Fuck. Oars. Horse leg oars. Yeah. Great. Use the tail as the rudder. Yeah. Perfect. See?

So they did that, or something similar to that. But that only got them so far, as I said. Well, it starts to rot after all. Yeah, exactly. So they had to cut across land. At one point, Tennant Charison and his men departed. They'd taken them far enough. But a new guide joined them. Now as far as

I can tell, this is now just George and another man named Gist by this point. And a new guide. So this small troop is now down to three people. I'm not entirely sure what happened to the others. At one point, when halfway across a frozen meadow, the guide suddenly

stopped. He spun round and pointed a gun straight at George and Gist. And fired. And then there was a moment where George and Gist both sort of looked at each other and checked to see if they were dead. Turned out they weren't dead. So Gist charged and disarmed the guide. There was then a heated debate on whether to execute the guide. Eventually they let him go after dark

and then spent the night getting as far away as possible. Do you know what would be really funny? They'd end up tackling the guide right down to the ground, take the gun off him, beat him up, torture him for a little bit and be really nasty. Not realising just behind him there's a massive grizzly bear dead on the ground. Poor guide.

All a misunderstanding. The guns at that time were notoriously inaccurate. Yeah, that's why you could get away with duelling without too many people dying because you'd shoot vaguely in the direction and the bullet might hit something over there.

No rifling back then no little swirly thing oh right yeah yeah just little balls so you've got george and gist traipsing through the snow and the dark forest trying to get away they don't know who's after them they don't know who the guide sent but they're clearly not welcome they need to get away and then they come across a river that they thought would be frozen, but it had thawed. So the two spend an entire day attempting to fashion together a raft. Horses.

They've left their horses. I know. And you know what it's like. You say, well, we'll build a raft, and in your head you've got this great, sort of practically a ship thing in your head. A galley. A bit like what they built in Lost, if you remember that. Oh, yeah.

They built this massive raft that was essentially a boat. But no, in real life, I imagine it was just some twigs sort of... Gloosey fashioned together. Yeah. Looking quite pathetic. It took them all day. They get onto the raft, but it's awful. And they're just not getting across very well.

They're halfway across the river when it wedges into a block of ice, and it starts to sink. Oh dear. Washington falls into the icy water. In the scrabble to get to the shore, they only manage to get to an island in the middle of the river. And they stay there till spring. The two of them spend a horrible night freezing slowly to death. What the hell? Gist gets frostbite in his toes.

Oh. Amazingly, though, Washington doesn't, despite the fact he was the one who went into the icy water. He must have been freezing by this point. You'd take your clothes off, though, surely. You'd have to do something. Than keeping them on. Yeah, it can't have been pleasant

i can tell it was cold though because by morning the river had indeed frozen enough for them to walk over hey so they cross eventually they get back and report the results of their diplomatic mission we almost died we've talked to go away and then we lost our horses and then i lost my toes yeah it was awful. This guy shot a bear behind us, but we thought we'd be shooting at us, so he beat him up. It was terrible. Still, Washington's finished his first diplomatic mission, which is nice.

The colonists decide that it's time to start building forts in Ohio. If the French aren't just going to leave, we're going to have to do something about it. And the French can't be trusted. Everyone knows that. Yeah, we're going to have to do something about it. And the French can't be trusted. Everyone knows that. Yeah, they're French. Washington was given a promotion to Lieutenant Colonel. Ooh.

I don't know. If you're American, Lieutenant. Well, I don't know. I did think that. Back then, I'm guessing it would have been Lieutenant Colonel. Oh, yeah. It would have been. Yeah. Everyone was still very English at this point.

Yeah. So, Lieutenant Colonel Washington was put in charge of the newly created Virginian Regiment and sent back, and I'll quote, to act on the defensive. But in case any attempts are made to obstruct the works or interrupt our settlements by any persons, the French, whatsoever, you are to restrain all such offenders. And in case of resistance, to make prisoner or kill and destroy them all. That's quite dramatic. Yeah.

So basically, go and build some forts in Ohio region and if anyone gives you any trouble, destroy them. So, Washington leaves with about 160 men. He's got some troops under him now. He also meets up with Tenor Chalicin again. After setting up a camp in a place called Great Meadows, there was reports of a small French contingent nearby. Washington decides

to track them down. Now what happens next is hugely disputed. Washington claims that they found the French party and the French fired at them first. Of course he did.

Yeah, so they acted in self-defence. A small skirmish ensued. However, with the final tally being 10 dead Frenchmen and 21 captured Frenchmen compared to one dead Englishman, it was quite clear who actually shot first. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And this is where the war started.

Because the French captain they had captured was on a diplomatic mission, essentially with a note telling Washington to get out of the area, very similar to the note that Washington had recently taken to the French. This small party was a diplomatic party, not a fighting force. Is it called diplomacy if it's basically a threat? That is what diplomacy is though, isn't it? That's true. It's a sort of L-threat. Just with the word please on the end. If you wouldn't mind, you'd say.

Get out or I will kill you and everyone you love. Please. Diplomacy. The French diplomat, however, was then killed. Uh-oh. The story was that Tenor Charison stepped forward after the skirmish, split the captain's head open with a hatchet, pulled out his brains with his bare hands,

and washed his hands in the blood. That's a look of shock for the listeners. I'm trying to... No. Well... That's quite brutal. Some do dispute this story. You'm trying to... No. Well... That's quite brutal. Some do dispute this story. You'll be shocked to learn.

It's not like cracking an egg here. This is... No. Well, should we get the French side? Yeah. The French say they were ambushed and the British shot at them without warning and their captain was killed in the scuffle.

Yeah. That sounds a lot more likely to me. Yeah. Yeah. Hitting the jugger with a bullet and dropped down. Yeah. That sounds a lot more likely to me. Yeah. Yeah. Hitting the jug here with a bullet and then dropped down. Yeah. Spraying blood everywhere. A lot of blood still.

Yeah, that was it. Doesn't matter which way it went down, though, because Washington was in charge and a French diplomat was dead. Ah. This would have knock-on events that George could not possibly have seen at the time. But in the meantime, he was elated.

He wrote to his brother, I heard bullets whistle and believe me, there was something charming in the sound. One of me. Yeah, he's just coming across as such an English gentleman. It's astonishing, isn't it? The arrogance and the sort of pomposity behind him. Yeah.

He's not very likeable, is he? Well, we'll see. We'll see what happens. It's early days yet. Okay. So this bravado doesn't last long, however. Washington falls back to Great Meadows where he builds a fort

which is dubbed Fort Necessity. Or Fort, oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, we need to build a fort. Come on, guys, quickly. Fort, oh my god, they're coming. Yeah. The fort belied Washington's lack of experience. It was poorly built, poorly situated. Anyone approaching could remain hidden and

gain higher ground nearby. And it's built out of twigs and leaves. That's not helpful. Yeah, stuck together with bits of playdough. It was just awful. It wasn't great. Tenor Charison, who's still knocking around, essentially laughs in Washington's face at this fort. Tries to point out that this, look, this is awful, George.

You can't expect this to hold up to anyone. But George scoffs at the idea that they are not prepared for a full-on invasion. Not long after, the fort was attacked. I wasn't expecting that. The French are not too pleased that their diplomatic mission had ended so abruptly. In a battle soaked with blood and torrential rain, the fort became a prison where Washington's men were being picked off one by one until the ground was a swamp of mud, blood, and bodies.

Washington lost over 100 men killed or wounded. He only took 160, gosh. Well, there were reinforcements by this point, but that's still a good chunk, a good third of his men were killed or wounded in this. Want to hazard a guess at the French losses? It's going to be shockingly small, isn't it? Mm-hmm.

Is it zero? Three. Three? Yes. And they were self-inflicted. Just people who felt sorry for Washington. I stubbed my toe, look. So bad.

Completely surrounded and just realising there was no way you could win this, Washington was forced to surrender. Perhaps if he knew French, he would have spotted that the form thrust in front of him had a little clause in it that said that he had assassinated rather than killed the diplomat. A subtle but very important distinction. But he would argue in a court of law that he didn't understand the contract so it's null and void. I'm sure he could make that argument. I'm sure he could.

His personal belongings were taken and parts of his personal diary were published in Paris to mock him. Oh dear. Which makes you wonder what parts of his diary. Ooh. Yeah, that's got to be embarrassing, isn't it? Yeah.

As news reached Europe about what happened, the British and the French had all the reasons they now needed to go to war, and the Seven Year War begins. Wait. It's only British and French, though. Obviously, that's not a world war. Britain and France both have worldwide empires by this point,

and they drag everyone else into it. Fair enough. that's not a world war. Britain and France both have worldwide empires by this point, and they drag everyone else into it. Fair enough. This is also known as the French and Indian War because the colonials were fighting France and the Indians. But everyone else in the world calls it the Seven Year War because it lasted nine years. Of course. Washington returned to Virginia Around this time news came to him That his niece had died So he now has Mount Vernon And 18 slaves Yay! Slaves! This is a big step up for him

But he was not done with the military He served under a general named Braddock A good old fashioned English general He sounds quite intense actually My name's Braddock That Good old-fashioned English general. He sounds quite intense, actually. My name's Braddock. That's how he spoke. Yeah. He's spot on.

George was one of many under Braddock. If he was hoping to get into his inner circle, he was hampered by getting very ill at this point. While advancing again into the disputed territory, George was suffering from diarrhoea and haemorrhoids. Ooh, that's a painful combination. Oh yes, he attempted to conceal this, but eventually

ended up in the sick wagon being dragged to battle. How'd you conceal it? I don't know! Some sort of bung. Shoes that aren't tight to your thighs so you can collect anything that dribbles out the bottom.

That's horrible. This must have been quite an awful time for George. It's bad enough being that ill, but being that ill and being dragged towards the enemy. I will still fight. Pull me along. Squelch, squelch. Now, the war had not actually officially started by this point, and Braddock was just testing the waters.

Likewise, a French and Indian force were also just looking out for British activity. No one had officially started anything, they were just scoping the land. So it's hardly surprising that the two sides blindly stumbled into each other. Oh, hello. Bonjour, monsieur.

A portion of the British army was immediately exposed. Fighting shirtless. Yes, it was awful. They suddenly found themselves under fire and they turned in panic, right into Braddock and the main part of the army. Fear swept through the British forces and the French and Indian force gained the upper hand.

George, by this point, was well enough just to ride a horse, but... Ooh. Apparently it wasn't pleasant. A well-padded horse, I'm hand. Now George by this point was well enough just to ride a horse but apparently it wasn't pleasant. A well padded horse I'm sure. Yes. He certainly wasn't 100%. Still he found himself in the thick of fighting. His horse was shot from under him. So he mounted another horse. Apparently he was not well enough to get

on it himself and he needed help. And this one didn't have a cushion. Yeah. Do you think some of his servants were going, you push him up, I'm not pushing him up. It was not nice. Very uncomfortable. But this horse also got shot. So George had to go and find another horse.

Wow. Yeah. Washington was given orders to ride to the rear and fetch the rest of the army. Braddock desperately in need of men at this point. So he's basically in Washington a messenger boy. A little bit, but one that is riding through all the bullets. Fair enough. This is not an easy message to deliver by any means.

And random bullets as well, which are probably the most dangerous. Yeah, by the end it was a clear victory for the French. And Braddock himself was mortally wounded. George was one of the very few of his aides to have survived the French. Braddock himself was mortally wounded. George was one of the very few of his aides to have survived the battle. And only just, because his uniform had four bullet holes in it at the end.

He came insanely close to death. This is not the last time in his career where lots of people keep shooting at him and he survives. It's already happened twice to him. It's a common trend Washington has. He's miraculously immune to bullets. But he's always being shot at,

which says something about his personality. Maybe. If there was one thing George got out of this, however, it was that in his eyes, the British regulars were cowards who ran away, whereas his Virginian militia fought bravely. This is the first signs that he has a bit of discontentment with the British. George then returns to Virginia, where he starts raising some more troops.

He also starts his career in politics, putting his name forward for the House of Burgesses. He was utterly crushed in the election. Did not go well first time round. Instead, I'll be a president. Not yet. Bit to go there. Throwing himself into raising the militia, he found it very frustrating.

He could not keep the recruits presentable, and he was disgusted by their lewd behaviour. He was particularly annoyed by the vulgar language used by the men. Ha damn! They said regularly to each other. He used liberal amounts of corporal punishment. You're not going to get the army on your side

by doing that, are you? Hoping to literally whip them into shape. He was known as a hard taskmaster at this time. Then he falls ill again, to the point that rumours spread throughout the country that he was dead, showing that his fame after the whole killing the diplomat thing

was still quite strong. He was well known enough that people noticed he wasn't around. The diplomat slaughterer. Yes. Still, he still had enough strength to have a couple of dalliances with a couple of young women at the time. The most scandalous was Sally Fairfax. Now, his friend, William Fairfax, had got married to a lady called Sally. Washington quite liked his good friend's wife. Oh. Oh, yes. Now, there's no proof the two of them ever did anything more than flirt, but the two clearly had an attraction to each other.

George wrote to her when he was recovering from his illness, asking her to come round for a while to help him recover as his sister was away. And he was all alone. If you want to pop round, Sally. I'd love to get to know you. You could squeeze all the cysts. Maybe he was genuinely ill and nothing was going on. We just don't know.

Still, if the romance was going on. We just don't know. Still, if the romance was going on, they both knew that it couldn't continue. And at last, George found somebody else. Enter Martha. That's a good name. I had a memory stick called Martha. Oh, that's nice. Yeah.

What size was it? Oh, it was quite a small one. I think it was about four gig. Four gig. But at the time, that was massive. I remember. George was attracted to Martha's huge tracts of land. They were massive. Voluptuous land.

This is perhaps slightly unfair, but there is no denying that by marrying Martha, he was catapulted into the highest echelons of colonial society. And that's what he's always wanted, so he's not surprised. Yeah, he's now up there with the Fairfaxes. Martha was filthy rich. At this point, he went for a seat in the house of Burgesses again. This time, he was able to get it.

The newfound wealth certainly helped, and so did the 34 gallons of wine, three pints of brandy, 13 gallons of beer, 40 gallons of rum punch, and eight quarts of cider that he bought for those eligible to vote. I would happily vote for him. I would happily vote for him. To be fair to Washington here, this was common for all politicians at the time. Yeah. It wasn't just him doing this. If you wanted a vote, you got everyone drunk first. Which is, I think, how it should be done today. That would be great, yeah.

It could be no worse than how it is at the moment. Then George retired from military life at 26. He settled down to a well-earned retirement. He had land, a large country manor, a wife who already had two children, and a host of slaves with which to build up his estate. And he died at the age of 73, alone. However, things were not easy. Growing tobacco was very hard, and within two years, he was in sizable debt.

This was quite usual for the landowning class in Virginia. The society and the economy that had been built up simply couldn't sustain the elite class that had also grown. Things were bound to go wrong at some point. Yeah. We'll see when it does. But Washington was in a worse situation than others, suffering from some bad luck with the weather and some bad crops.

Due to the pressure, he began to become more and more disenfranchised with the British merchants in London, whom he was sure was taking advantage of him. That's typical blame. Something bad going on economically or socially, you blame something, like a group of people, or you blame someone. Although in this case, he was probably correct. The London merchants probably were taking advantage of him. How else do you get rid of your unfashionable frocks? No one in London or Paris wants to buy them. Send them to the colonies and tell them over there that they're fashionable in London and Paris. They're not going to know, are they?

Exactly. And this is what was going on. It doesn't matter. Well, because you're going to have your own fate. You know, you... Well, Washington and most of us did think it mattered. They quite often send things off saying, send whatever is the latest fashion, only then to have visitors come from Paris and sort of snigger at how unfashionable everyone was.

Ah. Yeah. I was going to say, they probably didn't check Instagram or anything. No, no, but word eventually spread. I'm guessing that this simmering frustration just as much as taxes led to the eventual revolution. Everyone was just a little bit annoyed. It's all basically down to fashion is what you're saying. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, yeah. So not having a great time, but George was able to continue because he did not

need to pay for labour. Now he rarely used the term slavery himself when talking about his slaves, preferring the term servants or negroes. His attitudes towards them was typical for a Virginian landowner at the time. He saw them as property, and he wrote about them as such, putting orders in for people with, and I quote, straight limbs and good teeth. I'll need those later. Quite literally, yes.

There is evidence that he wasn't the worst of slave owners. For example, he allowed married slaves to stay together. There is a record of him defending a woman whom he had enslaved after she was beaten by another slave in another plantation. The male slave was banned from ever setting foot on his land ever again. However, these small acts of kindness kind of wither away in the glaring fact that these people were treated close to cattle. A Polish noble went over and stayed with George and wrote, we entered one of the huts of the blacks, for one cannot call them houses, and they're more miserable than the most miserable huts of our peasants. Conditions were not good.

There is one man whom was enslaved, however, who stands out, and this is William Lee, or Billy, as he became known. He was George's personal servant, and was by his side throughout the war. An expert horseman, he was one of the few people who could match George's also brilliant horsemanship.

George spent this time of his life touring his land and farms, and keeping on top of the upkeep. One time he chased a poacher off his land. The poacher attempted to scare George by pointing his gun at him. George wrestled the man to the ground and gave the man a damn good thrashing. That's the most English thing I've ever heard. Yes.

A damn good thrashing. That's Fawlty Towers. Yes. Beating with a branch. I should probably hesitate to say the damn good thrashing isn't a quote there. That's my own spin. But it wouldn't surprise me. Still, George kept on working his land, or at least having it worked for him,

and started making a profit. Meanwhile, political tensions were rising. The Seven Year War had ended and the British had won. Hooray! Meaning the French were no longer a threat. Hooray! But the colonists were not happy with the pressure the British were putting on the colonists to pay for the war, as we saw

last week. The Virginian House of Burgesses, with George present, voted that Virginians only could tax Virginians. Things had not gotten too bad, however, because at this point George was still attending parties hosted by the British governor. So there was some political unrest, but everyone was still very polite.

Oh, political annoyances then? Yeah. That's interesting they've made that rule because that's almost indicative of a state there, making its own sort of, you know, we're an independent thing, you can't tell us what to do. Exactly, yeah, all that started by this point.

So he's still living this life of peaceful political protest when the news of the Boston Massacre filtered down. Things were not happy with those radicals up in the North. He was also finding things hard at home. Martha had two children from her previous marriage, as I mentioned before, a daughter called Patsy and a son called Jackie. Jackie and George did not get on too well. Jackie was a bit too much of a rebel,

and George was a bit too much of a stock in the mud. However, George was devoted to Patsy. From the accounts we have, she was a polite and kind girl who unfortunately suffered terribly with epilepsy. In the summer of 1773, after an extensive period of suffering many attacks a day patsy suddenly died george's response tells you a bit about his character in his diary entry for that day he wrote at home all day about five o'clock poor Patsy Curtis died suddenly. That stiff upper lip attitude really shows how George is. It's

really embracing. Next sentence. Weather was clean. However, it should be said the day after he wrote a letter to his brother detailing the pain that they all felt in quite some detail. So, he's not a monster.

Just really reserved. But yeah, he is a very reserved gentleman. That's how he sees himself. But that's how, I guess, a lot of the upper class were at the time. Exactly, yes. Martha understandably took this very hard. Things slowly returned to normality at Mount Vernon, but things were getting worse politically.

Six months later, the news of the Boston Tea Party comes through to the South. And then the British introduce their coercive acts, or the intolerable acts, as we wrote. The We Will Make You Pay Act. Yeah, exactly. Eventually, it became clear that things could not continue like this. The colonies were going to have to do something about the British.

In 1774, Washington and six other men from the Virginia Burgesses headed to Philadelphia for the first Continental Congress. Many meetings were had, but despite the mood being tense and the anti-British feeling high, independence was still seen as very radical at this time. Washington himself said, no such thing is desired by any thinking man in North America. Anybody to sign anything to say we should be independents would be a fool. Exactly. That's what he said.

He was really glad Twitter didn't exist at that point. So this couldn't come back to haunt him later. I won't be called out on this. Yeah, generally the feeling was that their king, Wonderful George, was being manipulated by the dastardly politicians. Oh, yeah. This was very much an internal dastardly politicians. Oh, yeah. This was very much an internal dispute in the British Empire.

Yeah. The outcome of the First Congress was to put political pressure on the House of Commons by boycotting British goods, as I mentioned last time. They also declared that they would wholly discontinue the slave trade. Which is quite a big statement at this point. It would be if it were for, you know, human kindness and morality, but it's not, is it? No, it's purely economical. It would hurt the British if they stopped the slave trade,

and they had a slave surplus at the time, and the great thing about slaves is that they reproduce. So actually them saying we're going to discontinue the slave trade, it certainly wasn't a moral outcry at the use of slaves. Although, there certainly were people at the time who hated slavery, it wasn't

common for all people to be thinking that. The fact that George was selling and buying people within six months of this Congress proves that many in the colonies still had no problem with slavery. Everyone went their own ways after this Congress, mostly happy with the progress. It was agreed that the states would meet up again the following year, just to see how things were going on. However, by this point, the British were no longer messing about. They realised that there was now a problem in the colonies. A group of radicals were having their

little meetings and turning the people against them. This underestimating of the colonies, a group of radicals were having their little meetings and turning the people against them. This underestimating of the colonies never really went away. The British throughout were convinced that this was just a small group of radicals. And if they just snuffed them out, the people would come back to the fold. They never really understood that the

people in the colonies hated them. People 3,000 miles away, they're still part of Britain. Tally-ho. So, how best to get rid of this small group of radicals, the British thought? Arrest their leaders. The British got wind of the Second Continental Congress, and also the fact that

Samuel Adams and John Hancock, two leaders in the revolutionary movement, were stopping in a place called Lexington. They decided to go and arrest them. Also, Lexington was near Concord, which had a store of gunpowder in it. Best go and get that at the same time. However, when the British arrived in Lexington, they were met with a small but plucky group of volunteers. They would not let the Redcoats carry on. Now, what happens when a small group of inexperienced men fight a professional army armed only with their plucky spirit. They die

very quickly. They die very quickly, yeah. The British killed eight colonials, losing only a horse themselves. The minor skirmish was the first fight of the war. By this point, Adams and Hancock were gone, so they went to Concord to look for military supplies. On the way back, however, they were ambushed by militiamen and farmers, known as the Minutemen. The fighting was fierce. The British lost nearly 300 men. The colonists, nearly 100.

And this sets the scene for the Second Continental Congress. It was supposed to be a quick check-in, just to see how the political protest was going, but now fire had been exchanged and people killed on both sides. This was now a war council. Leaders of the 12 states, not Georgia, started offering militia support. However, it was clear that no one had a huge amount of military experience. However,

there was one man in the Congress who stood out. He was the one in the corner, wearing a full brand new military uniform of blue and buff. With one shiny medal. If there was fighting to be done, Washington was ready. Not for the first

time, and certainly not for the last, many commented upon how grand and stately he looked. He cut an inspiring figure, did Washington. That stiff upper lip attitude really works in some circumstances, and this is one of them. Sure, I mean, there might have been some who started questioning his record. I mean, has he actually ever won anything or commanded anything other than a state militia? Is he really the best person to lead?

They were told to be quiet. Just look how shiny his boots are. You can see a face in them. And besides, do we have anyone better? Well, actually, there were a couple of contenders. The retired British general Horatio Gates. Oh, that's a great name. That's a good name.

And an Englishman named Charles Lee, who had fought in the Seven Year War and several wars in Europe. He had a lot of experience. However, they were both disturbingly English. And Washington was born in America. He was from Virginia, and he seemed unflappable. And look at those buttons! Look how shiny they are! I do love the fact he turned up in the uniform here.

That is quite spectacular. But this is where you start seeing little sparks of genius from Washington. He's proper gay, yeah. He knew how to politically manipulate people. Do you think when they said, you should do it, you went, what, me? Oh, yes, very much so. OK. I expected nothing less. On the 16th of June, 1775,

George was officially announced as the General and Commander-in-Chief of the Army of the United Colonies. And one of history's steepest learning curves began. Now that's not to say, as you've already guessed, George was not unaware of this. He clearly wanted the job, but at the same time, he told anyone who would listen that he surely could not do it. Oh no, I'm but a humble man.

He was a humble farmer. Humble farmer. Just tending to my land and my crops with my hundreds of slaves. Well, saying in a speech, I declare with the utmost sincerity, I do not think myself equal to this command. But this only seemed to encourage people. This modesty, which is taken wholesale from the Roman Republic.

There's a lot of interest in the Roman Republic at this time. And as we know, no one could actually claim they wanted power. You had to protest, and that way people knew that you were right for power. Washington knew exactly how to play the game here and he did it perfectly. Well you're saying you can't do the job then you're the one for the job. Exactly. Mauricio Gates over there he says he could definitely do it so we won't let him do it. So without even popping home George is now put in charge of the army. He heads north to the British-controlled Boston with some men, off to meet a northern regiment of militiamen. On his way, he receives some startling news.

The Battle of Breed's Hill. I should probably note here this is known to everyone as the Battle of Bunker Hill. Bunker Hill? Yeah, the battle took place on Breed's Hill, next to Bunker Hill. It was written down incorrectly. But no one changed it.

So in all the history books, it says the Battle of Bunker Hill, and then in brackets it says which actually took place on Breed's Hill. Okay. So we're starting right now. We're just going to change it to the Battle of Breed's Hill. Fair enough. Yeah. Okay, so the Battle of Breed's Hill.

The colonial troops sieging Boston had taken up residence on Breed's Hill. The British, once again underestimating their foe, led a full charge on the hill. The British won, but at a huge cost, losing 450 men. This buoyed the spirits of the colonists. But any dreams of a daring, dashing victory in Boston evaporated once Washington arrived. He looked with utter despair at his troops. This was his army. And it was not an army. It was barely a militia. There was no uniformity whatsoever. Everyone wore their own clothes. They slept where they could, in turf huts, tents, ship sails propped up with a pole, or just under the stars. You haven't even got shoes on. Is that a pitchfork?

Yeah, things were literally that bad. One of the first things he complained about was that they left excrement about the field perniciously. There was just piles of poo everywhere. Yeah, George wanted a professional army. He's not getting it. His dislike of militias only grew throughout the war. He described his new men as, and I quote,

the most dirty set of mortals as ever disgraced the name of soldiering. Well, to be fair, they're pooing all over the battlefield, so that's not inaccurate. See, he's really getting to know his new troops. Yeah. He was also less than pleased when he looked at the supplies. He'd been told that they had 308 barrels of gunpowder. Not great, but it would have to do.

However, once arriving at the camp, I hesitate to call it a camp. The gathering. The gathering, yes. He discovered that they only had 36 barrels. So they divided by 10, take away two. That's how much we have. Apparently he did not utter a word for a full half an hour after he was told this. You just got an image of him just staring at the tent flap. Sir? Sir! Time passed and things became a little tense. He could not attack. He had no gunpowder.

He couldn't even be too loud about this fact, however, because if the British realised just how awful a condition he was in, they would simply walk in and destroy them. It did not help that his soldiers, being enthusiastic young men, kept doing things like shooting their guns in the air. They simply could not waste a single shot, and his troops were their re-enacting 90s action films. We got some steak here, how we'll cook it.

Burn a barrel of gunpowder, that'll do it. There's a tree in the way, blow it up! Yeah, things like that in my head they've got really hardcore American accent yeah apart from George who's still got

British accent gosh darn it doing things like sprinkling their steak with gunpowder because they've run out of pepper like the crackle yeah

George not too happy at this point he He angrily blamed, and I quote, an unaccountable kind of stupidity in the lower classes of these people. Oh. Again, that really proper English gentleman shines through. It really

does. It's quite shocking, actually. Yes. In desperation, he sent one of his officers, Henry Knox, off to search for more weapons and dug in. Not only this, but most of the men were on short-term contracts. So as soon as they vaguely started to seem like a soldier, they left because their contract was up. This was not a full professional army. 1775 turned into 1776 and things looked very bleak. But then Knox suddenly returned. Literally dragging cannons

behind him. Not only had his idea paid off, finding heavy weaponry and ammo, he had, in a Herculean effort, dragged them back to camp. Oh, was he just dragging like 16 cannons behind him, one arm? Yeah, yeah. Shirtless, like pecs rippling. Everyone else just starving

to death, clothes hanging off them, and then he just saunters in. Still dragging, but sauntering at the same time. And also chewing on a cow leg. Yeah, everyone was mightily impressed with Knox. Wow. You should be president. Well, this allowed Washington to finally form a plan,

and at last we finally see a bit of genius from Washington here. He'd be able to shell the city and take it, but only if they had the high ground. But there was no way they could set up the guns without being seen and attacked by far superior forces. Bit of a sticky situation there. So what's the solution? Go on top of the hill. Ah, but how do you set that up without being seen? Go at night time. Don't use torches. Well, you've got it, but how do you set that up without being seen? Go at night time. Don't use torches. Well, you've got it, but that makes it sound a lot easier than it was. Setting up an entire gun battery on one hill in complete silence over the course of one night was seen as impossible. However, after putting lots of straw on their wheels and making prefab fortifications, they put their plan into action.

That's very cool. On the night of the operation, Washington warned his men that, and I quote, if any of them in action should presume to sulk, hide himself, or retreat from the enemy without orders, he will instantly be shot. This was a common reminder he gave before most battles.

Don't run away. I'll shoot you in the face. Maybe. Maybe, if I've got the gunpowder. Now the British general in the city, General Howe, awoke the next morning to see the entire hill fortified with mortars and cannons. He is said to have exclaimed, My God, these fellows have done more work in one night than I could make my army do in three months. The British were forced to withdraw.

Oh, wow. Yeah, well done. Big tick to Washington. Yeah. So, first major operation over, success. Yeah. Yeah, tricky. Looked bleak for a while.

I'd love to know how he did that, actually. There must be a documentary on how he did that. Yeah, unfortunately we don't have enough time to go into detail of the Revolutionary War, but Mike Duncan has in his podcast, if you go and listen to that, there's plenty of books. Don't bother to read, Rob. You could just... Watch videos. Watch videos, yeah.

Just on how he fortified it so quickly and... Yeah, it is impressive. The pre-fabrication of the fortifications was a genius idea. I guess you pre-build little wooden things and carry them up to tank. Yeah. And they also got everything in from Ikea. It was really quite quickly. That helps.

Yeah, everyone had an Allen key. Oh, yes. They're quite quiet, Allen keys. One slightly squeaky in the distance. Oil it, oil it quick. There we go. Almost succeeded, but finally the British heard one

person just saying, I don't have a part B. Slot A into part B. What? Impressive. Ticking the win column for Georgie there. That's quite impressive. The Continental Army

were buoyant. But to put it bluntly, they had no reason to be. Because the main British force had not actually arrived yet. These were just feeders. These were the people who were already there. The main British forces were on their way. Washington, on the behest

of Congress, had set himself up to defend New York. It was an obvious target for the British. It's on the coast. However, through lack of military intelligence and lack of experience, Washington did not set up his defensives too well. But to be fair, the odds are hugely against him here.

When the British fleet arrived from England, one soldier wrote, I could not believe my eyes. I declare, I thought the whole of London was afloat. There were a lot of ships. George had about 6,000 fighting men at this time. He was facing possibly around 30,000. You don't mess with the British army at this time. As you can imagine, the British essentially walked in, killing many in the Continental Army, Washington being forced

to retreat. But that makes it sound far too easy. George found himself on Long Island, But that makes it sound far too easy. George found himself on Long Island, hopelessly outnumbered, completely surrounded. If he fell at this point, the revolution would have been over. Perhaps. Most likely. Again, Washington came up with a sneaky plan. They would run away.

Genius. But in one night, without anyone spotting them now if you've ever tried to run away in silence with thousands of men many of them injured you'd understand how hard this is to actually do I imagine a lot of shushing shh shh shh

shh shh shh I must be steam engine somewhere making all that noise. Left my leg behind. Shh. Well, once night fell, the army was ordered, first of all, to be silent. Whatever happens over this night, you are not to talk. Don't make a single sound.

Then they made their way to the narrowest stretch of the river. This is near the current Brooklyn Bridge. they made their way to the narrowest stretch of the river this is near the current brooklyn bridge a frantic but silent night dragged on as troops were ferried by boat over the water with their oars muffled how do they do that just with cough try and stop it from being as loud you know on a gun you put a muffler because like a on a trumpet it's like a thing you screw on the end you think they screw something that things end of the things instead. Trumpet mufflers. Yeah.

In their oars. Yeah. Which unfortunately left their trumpets without the mufflers. So the trumpet is really loud. Yeah, well, fortunately, about halfway through the night, the wind picked up so they were able to use the sails. That helps. But only to get one way across.

You'd have to row back, I imagine. Still, it slowly dawned on everyone that there was no way they were all getting across before dawn. And as soon as dawn broke, they would be spotted. They would be descended upon and all killed. Still, Washington stayed, stating he would be on the

last boat to cross. That's quite brave. Yeah. And then amazingly, as the sun rose a thick fog descended sheltering all of them. Eventually they were all over. But it was not over. They got out of immediate danger but

soon the British were hot on their heels. The Continental Army by this point had had enough. Many had started to flee causing George to declare, are these the men with which I am to defend America? He was getting a bit stressed by this point. Were they calling it America at that point? Well, they're in the Americas.

It wasn't seen as the United States of America. No, of course. They called it, we're in the Americas. Yeah. Yeah, this was a low point for Washington. He was literally running up and down, trying to whip people back into shape. He has the sands.

Yeah, it wasn't great. The army had just seen firsthand the might of the British army. It was obvious to everyone, there is no way they can win this. However, this said, in the future, historians would look back at this moment and declare that it was a remarkable feat that Washington managed to extract himself from the situation mostly intact. He knew how to run away well, did Washington.

Yeah, he did. But that does have strategic advantage. Yeah, hugely. It's not a cowardly thing. No, he knew when to withdraw and he could do it incredibly well. Yeah. Like a coward. No, he knew when to withdraw and he could do it incredibly well. Yeah. Like a cow.

No, but I'd say it's a big bonus, to be honest. I'm getting respect for him. Yes, he starts looking a bit better during the war, doesn't he? Yeah, a strategic retreat. Yes. So things are looking very bleak at the time. Yeah, of course. However, Washington does not give in.

To be fair, if he did give in, he'd be hanged by the British, so there wasn't much incentive to give in, but still, you've got to admire the tenacity at this point. He was able to raise the spirits of his troops some months later when he launched a surprise attack against the Hessian mercenaries that the British were using. Damn you and your cloth! Yes.

These were German-speaking mercenaries that had been brought over in huge numbers to help fight on the British side. Where's the Hessian shields in there? Yeah, that's what they had. The plan was to cross a freezing river on the night of Christmas Day 1776 and surprise the enemy.

George had personally concocted a ridiculously convoluted plan, something that he did quite regularly and became a bit infamous for. But in this case, it actually worked. Not the convoluted plan, that fell apart immediately like most of them did, but the outcome of the night

was a huge success. Over a thousand of the Hessians were captured and only two of the colonials were killed. It was a much needed morale boost. However, it also pulled the British out of New York. Again, Washington was forced to do a sneaky nighttime retreat. He realized by this point he just cannot beat the British in the field. But perhaps, just perhaps, if he had support, he would be able to wear down the British interest in the war.

War was hugely expensive. Especially if you had to fight half a world away. So the aim for the Continental Army became a simple one. Survive. Until the British went away. Basically into a siege. Survive the army longer than the other.

Yeah, but a mobile one. The British weren't able to hem in the Continental Army. But they're sieging the country then. They're trying to, you know, outlast them. They'll end up going away. Yeah, it was a war of attrition. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

That's a better way of phrasing it. Like a puppet robber. Now, the colonial lack of military ability was brought to the fore when the British essentially walked into Philadelphia. This is the de facto capital of the revolution. Brotherly love, though. I know. There was no brotherly love that day. No.

No. Washington attempted to counterattack, but was ultimately unsuccessful. These were bleak days for George. Confidence in him was dropping, as was the number of men under him who were not deserting or dead. Oh dear. According to one source, he fell into personal

despair, his maid often finding him in tears when he was alone. That's no stiff upper lip there, is it? Well, only alone, because... His maid found him. As soon as the maid walked in, she'd snap up, tear, suck back into his eyeball and go.

Good for you. Things were bleak for poor George. It's a horrible situation to be in. However, I should say he certainly did not show this in front of the men whatsoever. He was steadfast as ever. Blind optimism.

We'll be fine, lads. And actually, some great news did come through. Because in Saratoga up north, 5,000 British troops had been captured. Just where Washington wasn't. By Horatio Gates. Yay! Yeah. Fantastic news for the colonial forces.

But for George personally, it's just reinforced the growing idea that perhaps he wasn't the best choice for commander. But he's got the shiny uniform. That's looking a bit tatty nowadays. A few stuff marks. With an overwhelming enemy and internal politics bearing down on him,

Washington made winter in a place called Valley Forge. It was tough in Valley Forge. The winter was exceptionally cold, and one in four men died of exposure or starvation over the winter months. Washington was far from blind to the suffering and became more and more frustrated with Congress, which in turn was becoming less keen on him. Washington wrote,

I can assure those gentlemen that it is a much easier and less distressing thing to draw remonstrances in a comfortable room by a good fireside than to occupy a cold bleak hill and sleep under frost and snow without cloths or blankets. However, although they seem to have little feeling for the naked and distressed soldier, I feel super abundantly for them and for my sole pity those miseries, which it is neither in my power to relieve or prevent. It's quite an emotional comment there,

but I feel like he invented a word in that. Super abundantly. Is that a word? I quite like super abundantly we can also see george is starting to change it's been a couple of years since the start of the war by this point he's now siding with his men and not the elites get a good point yeah this is because he's on the ground he knows what's going on now he's more grounded yeah compared to that's the start start up near Boston where he was just distressed at how utterly lower class these soldiers were. How come you're sleeping

in a tent? You don't have anything. Now he's like oh. Oh now I know. Now I see. Yes. I have a tent neither. That's not to say he turned soft. Punishment for the starving men was fierce still. Lashings were frequently given out for men stealing food. They bit down on lead bullets to help them get through the pain. Ah.

That's debatable, though. important. It was understood that if the British had any idea how bad a shape they were in, they would simply just walk in and take them out. So after the amputations, hide the feet, bury them. They see what we're doing. Meanwhile, the Articles of Confederation was being finished by Congress. Washington became more and more frustrated that the 13 states were too busy looking out for themselves and not providing the much-needed supplies for his army. Eventually, Washington had to resort to something he'd not yet done. He turned on the local farmers. Now, he'd resisted taking food from locals for the last couple of years because he wanted to take the moral high ground. But it became clear that no one else was interested in the moral high ground, and many of the farmers were selling to the British because the British could pay.

George had his men go out and take all the cattle available and sabotage all the mills in an attempt to stop trade with the British. Slow him down, eh? Something he did not want to do, but he felt compelled to. All the while, there were some trying to bring Washington down from the inside.

Generals Lee, Conway and others were throwing their support behind Horatio Gates. After all, he'd done a good job up North. However, this movement fizzled away quite quickly when Washington essentially sent Conway a letter saying, I know what you're up to, and quoted part of the letter that Conway had sent to Gates. One of Washington's talents was espionage.

He had a whole spy ring set up, networks of people who just discovered things. Nice. Yes. He had to pay for this personally out of his own pocket because he did not want traces of it to be left anywhere. Mm-hm. Yeah.

That's quite cool. It wasn't actually through the spy ring that he discovered this letter, though. This was just one of the aides being very careless. But... He found it on the road. Yeah. That's quite cool. It wasn't actually through the spy ring that he discovered this letter, though. This was just one of the aides being very careless. But... He found it on the road. Yeah. But it gave that impression that Washington was all-knowing and all-seeing. That's a good bit of propaganda, though.

Yes, exactly. So it fizzled away, the movement against him. The freezing mumps dragged on. Washington realised that they needed to improve their men. The arrival of one man helped change the condition of the soldiers, and this was Baron von Strauben. Oh, he sounds very British. Baron von Strauben was not a baron.

That was just completely made up. But he was bombastic, loud, and excitable. He'd been chased out of Prussia and Paris for being gay. Hoping to find a better life, he met with Benjamin Franklin in Paris, who was over there on a diplomatic mission. Franklin, seeing his potential, sent him to Washington. And he made quite an impression. Petty did.

He had very little English. And grew angry very quickly. He was mostly angry at conditions in the camp. He was quickly shouting torrents of abuse in German and French at people to move the latrines away from the huts

to protect themselves from frostbite and and this one was really important can we please move the horse carcasses away from the medical tents and the canteens? Stop getting your horse steak from the dead horse. I'd like to think someone's pointed out, it's fine, it's frozen. Conditions weren't good.

Logic wasn't good. Logic wasn't good, no. The men, far from getting annoyed by this whirlwind of German cursing, found him hilarious. But also realised he knew what he was talking about. Of course. So with a mixture of humour

and genuine respect from the men, Strauban started to train them. And before long, the men could actually do things like march in time and manoeuvre correctly. Walk. Yes. It was at this time that finally some genuine good news came through. The French,

who had been interested in the war from the start, had finally made a commitment. They would recognise the states as independent, and more importantly, they were going to send military aid. Oh. independence, and more importantly, they were going to send military aid. All they asked for in return was one thing. This new country would send aid to the French against the British in any future wars.

That's all they need to do. Just that one thing. Yes. Little, little thing. Yeah. That's all. You'd agree to anything, though, wouldn't you? Oh yes, at that point. We'll see how that promise goes. When we're a superpower, definitely. Now, this was definitely the turning point.

The British, realising they were now fighting a world war once again, had to rethink the deployment of their troops. Not just in North America, but throughout the whole empire. This meant retreating from Philadelphia and back to New York. The strategy of outlasting the British was still in effect. It unfortunately soon became apparent that the French were not sending as many men as the colonists had hoped. Equally, the French were horrified when they arrived and found the state that the Continental Army was in. However, the two armies combined was definitely much better than what was there before.

Well, yeah. The theatre of war then shifted to the south, and Washington spent a couple of years relatively inactive although still holding his army together which was definitely a full-time job at this point. That's not to say things weren't happening. Benedict Arnold, a hero general of the Continental Army, defected and at the same time a British major was captured in a chain of events that we will have to spend a whole episode on one day as a special episode because it's amazingly cool. But I'll just leave that little nugget there for now.

Washington wanted to retake New York. In fact, he almost became obsessed with it. Probably because he wanted to wipe the embarrassment of the start of the war out. And he liked Central Park. Yeah, it's nice for walks. Nice museums as well. Yeah. However, almost everyone else wanted to take the fight himself,

including his French allies. Now, the French had officially said Washington was in charge of all the Continental troops and French troops, but in reality, the French were in charge of the French troops. Of course they were. Yes. So at last, Washington had no choice but to come round to the idea of moving south. Now, we don't have time to go into the details of the final battle of Yorktown.

Although, apparently, Washington ceremoniously fired the first shot of the battle into the town. And according to legend, this one shot went through a dining room window and killed the officer at the head of the table. Which must have been quite a shock i'd like to think mid-toast there's no way they take this town gentlemen or maybe like half horny like sausage to mouth with a fork through the sausage in the eye oh nasty so the battle was on but the French blocking the seas and their big ships. So I was wondering about that, because they're both travelling from roughly the same place.

That would be really awkward meat on the Atlantic. Bonjour! Hello! Anything to trade? Oui, we have 60,000 barrels of gunpowder here. We have some rifles. Yes, trade. Of course!

We'll get into how friendly the English and the French were in a moment. But, as I said, the French were blocking the seas at this point, stopping the British from the retreating that way, and French and colonial troops were sieging the town. It was only a matter of time until the British gave up. Although I say only a matter of time, three weeks

it took of sieging and battling. Eventually, however, it was over. The British General Cornwallis refused to turn up to the official surrender and sent one of his underlings, who attempted to surrender to the French, which did not go down too well. No. He was directed towards Washington, who refused to accept the surrender and then gave it to one of his underlings instead.

Oh, that's a great little burn there, isn't it? Yes. Washington hosted a party for all officers involved, as in French, colonial and British. That's a really awkward party. Well, apparently, the French and the British officers got on brilliantly. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for most of them, this is just a way to advance in their careers.

Yeah, good point. Go and fight some skirmishes off in the colonies. Go back to the motherland and promote your own career. Is it a bit like the Olympic Games, where they're, like, a bit friendly, but they're competing? Yeah. It's basically just a competition. Yeah, they're all of the same aristocratic where they're like a bit friendly, but they're competing. Yeah, it's basically just a competition. Yeah, they're all of the same aristocratic class as each other. They have more in common

with each other than the soldiers that they were commanding. Ah, Jean, how is our auntie? Have you seen her recently? Yeah. Apparently the American generals were a bit miffed, to say the least. But still, the war had been won. The British soon after this, to say the least. But still, the war had been won.

The British, soon after this, retreat from the colonies, and the colonies become the United States of America. So the sole reason, really, that we have the USA is because of France. Without the French, there was no way the Americans could have won, but equally, without Washington holding that army together

in such dire circumstances, the French would not have got involved. He was the moral backbone. He was the light that guided it. Yeah, yeah. He was the spark taken from Star Wars The Last Jedi. Oh, OK. That ignited the thing.

He was the backbone is a good way of saying it, yeah. He kept the army going. So there we go, that's where we're going to leave it this week. Next time, we are going to see what happened after the war and how George Washington turned from General of the Continental Armies to President of the United States. Oh, this is good. So what do you think of him so far, then?

It was nice that my opinion shifted of him because I just thought he's just a pompous idiot. I'm not going to like this guy. But actually, he had some smarts about him. But he obviously learnt that throughout his time. He became grounded in the situation, and that I respect. What I will say, this is looking good

for the silver screen round. Because if you're making a film, you don't want your character to be good at the start and good at the end. No. Pompous bit of an idiot at the start and then grows into something. This is character development. That's character art. Right there. That's what that is.

It really is. It really is. Things could go well for him there. Yeah. Okay, right. Well, we'll leave it there then. Thank you very much for listening to our first real episode. Yeah.

And don't forget you can download us from Poppy, iTunes and Stitcher. You can follow us on Twitter and Facebook as well and don't bother with Instagram because we don't use it. And all that needs to be said is run away, but quietly. Goodbye. Goodbye.

General Washington, we're ready to... Shh, shh, shh. Oh, sorry, sorry. Quiet. Very quiet. Okay. General Washington, we're ready to go. Good, right. Are the troops all ready?

Yes, they're ready, sir. They're wearing their clogs. What? Their clogs. Why? Have you put clogs on them? Dutch immigrants. We are in New York after all, sir. I said quiet. At least put mufflers on the clogs. Okay. Right. Have you issued the order to be silent throughout the night?

Yes, sir. Everyone has to be quiet until the band stops playing. What? The ceremonial band. They always play us out. No, no, no. You're not understanding this. Absolute silence. No band. No marching drums. Not even the trumpets? Definitely not the trumpets. But they've prepared for weeks, sir. I don't care. This is an order. No trumpets,

no musical instruments. Anyway, have we got the cannons ready? Yes, sir. They're ready to fire in five minutes. No, no. I told you to dismantle, dismantle the cannons so we can transport them silently. Okay. Yes. We'll drag them across the gravel in a bit, sir. Why is there gravel here? It's less muddy than grass. I mean... Do you understand this? No noise whatsoever. Okay, no noise. Good.

Good. Right, we start on my whistle. What? Ready? Go, go, go! All they needed was a spark to set it off. Enter George Washington. Hi. All they needed was a spark to set it off. Enter George Washington. Hi!

As a brand new spanking new major. That's came out wrong. Ooh, major!