American Presidents: Totalus Rankium - 18.1 Ulysses S Grant

Episode Date: July 27, 2019

During the Civil war, Lincoln needed someone, anyone, who would fight. Enter a general with a Greek name, a taste for drink and a 'bigger picture' attitude. Known as Hiram, Ulysses, Sam, 'Unconditional Surrender' and 'The Butcher', Grant went by many names, but who was he? Find out!

Welcome to Totalus Rankium. This week, Ulysses and Scranton. Part 1. Hello and welcome to American Presidents Totalus Rankium. I am Jamie. And I'm Rob, ranking all of the presidents from Washington to Trump. And here we are. It's episode 18.1. Ulysses S. Grant. A name I've heard of. Yes.

I know he's beardy. Yeah, yeah. And quite broad looking. Yeah, good. That's about it. That's all you need to know, really, to be honest. I hope he lives up to that visual oh well see we'll see all right and it's quite warm in here it's hot isn't it i don't i'm not great with temperature and i don't think i'm exaggerating but it's about a billion degrees outside it's about that isn't it might even be the hottest ever day in in english recorded history 39 degrees yeah we don't get that hot but that's

hot for us it is we don't have the houses to cope with that kind of thing yeah we don't have aircon we have houses that insulate yeah we're burning now anyway that's our moan about the weather over right anyway let's um let's let's forget about that yeah Let's forget about the heat. Let's start. In Alaska. Yes, let's start in Alaska. Icy glaciers. Yeah, word of warning, I may have changed the setting of this scene. And when we come across it later, it might be somewhere else. But for now, it's going to be set in Alaska.

Okay. So you can hear artillery in the distance. Fighting. Gunshots. Ricocheting off the glaciers. Fighting. Gunshots. Ricocheting off the glaciers. Yes. Lots of icy, clinkly noises. Yeah, nice and cool.

Oh, wonderful. Fade in. It's morning light. Yeah. You see a man with a beard in crutches, or with crutches, on crutches. On crutches, I think. What's your preposition there? On.

Yeah. On the crutch. Yeah, okay. He's standing on a steamboat, on crutches. On crutches, I think. What's your preposition there? On. Yeah, on. Yeah, okay. He's standing on a steamboat staring off camera. You can't see what he's looking at. No. You can tell he's on a boat and it's moving because you can see all the little mini icebergs behind him.

Yeah. Yeah, but he's got a grim look on his face anyway. Yeah, you can't see what he can see, but the sound of fighting is getting louder and louder. And then another man comes into shot. Says something along the lines of, Sir, they've caught us by surprise. The bearded man simply looks on, looking grim,

then picks up to his mouth a cool, refreshing glass of lemonade and takes a sip. The man next to him is holding one of those little mini-fans. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's really nice and cool anyway but the bearded man still just looks grim and looks on the camera slowly lifts and turns as it does so so it's sweeping around yeah it's rising above the boat it's spinning so eventually you get to see what the man can see but only from above above. Like a really good scene. Blizzard. Blizzard.

Blizzard. Thousands of snowmen fighting. Oh, yeah. And it's really cold. Oh, it's freezing. And then in like icy letters, the words Ulysses S. Grant smashes to the screen and then twinkles away. Nice. Yeah.

So if this were not happening in Alaska, where would that scene have been set? That scene would have been in mainland US, in the south. Oh, that's too hot. Yeah, it would have been warm. Yeah. We don't need that today, do we? No. Lovely, cold Alaska. Right, okay. So, that's how we

start today. But now let's flash back to the start. Because we start in Ohio. During the revolution, nonetheless. Because Noah Grant has just fought the start. Huh? Because we start in Ohio. Okay. During the revolution, nonetheless. Because Noah Grant has just fought the war. And then afterwards, he and his family moved west, settling in Ohio. Noah and his wife Rachel had a son called Jesse, along with several other children. But unfortunately, Rachel died when Jesse was young.

And at the age of 11, Jesse was put out to go and find his way in the world. Oh, that's a bit mean. A bit mean, isn't it? Yeah. He's not completely abandoned. No. His dad is trying to find work for him, but it's pretty much a case of, look, go and fend for yourself for a bit.

You're too expensive to keep. Yeah, exactly. Sort yourself out. So for the next three years, little Jesse took work in various apprenticeships until he was 14. Then Noah, his father, was able to arrange for his son and his eldest daughter to go and work for Judge George Todd. Judge George Todd. Yes.

I'm impressed you said that in one go. Yeah. That's a tricky one. It's a good name. It's a good name. Here, Jesse lived in relative luxury. As you can probably imagine, he was born in quite a poor household and suddenly he's there living at the judge's house. Nice.

Yeah. Stuffed bear in the corner. Yes. Polar bear. Yes. Yeah, the Todds were rich compared to his family and he saw how it was possible to live. And he learned to read and he learned to write and he decided on one thing. He was going to be a rich man.

Nice. Yeah. However, soon enough his apprenticeship was up. He was going to be a rich man. Nice. Yeah. However, soon enough his apprenticeship was up. He had to go and do something else. So he learnt the tanner trade with his half-brother in Kentucky. Tanning leather? Yeah. Oh, that's a horrible trade.

Oh, it's not good as we'll see in a bit more detail later. Yeah, I know a bit about that. Yeah, it's nasty. A bit urinating-y. Yeah, a bit fleshy. Yeah. Not good. But it was a trade.

It was an important trade. Lever goods back then, obviously very important. And you could really make a thing of yourself if you knew the town of trade. So that's what he decided to do. So he learnt a fair bit in Kentucky, but then he moved back up to Ohio. During the winter. During the winter. Later stating,

I would not own slaves and I would not live where there were slaves. So Jesse becomes very much an abolitionist at an early age. In his early twenties, he found work in a tannery owned by an outspoken abolitionist called Owen Brown. And then he got work in another

tannery in Ravenna. Yay! High five. Everyone was high-fiving. After a couple of years, another tannery in Ravenna. Yay! High five. Everyone was high-fiving. After a couple of years, the tannery was sold to Jesse. So he now owns a tannery. Then he met and married Hannah Simpson. The two got to know each other fairly well, as married couples

do, and then all of a sudden, Hannah gave birth to a son. It was a mystery, Hal. These things happen. It was decided mystery, Hal. Yeah, these things happen. It was decided that they would not name the boy until a gathering of the family was held. If you had a strong, sensible name, then no one will mock. Well, for about a month, the boy was just unnamed.

He was probably just called Boy or The Baby. Yeah, The Babby. The wee man. Yes, definitely. Because that's a Scottish root. Yeah, it was just the Scottish neighbour. Ach, the babby. The wee bairn. Yes, definitely. Because that's a Scottish root. Yeah, that was just the Scottish neighbour. Ach, the wee bairn. Yeah, so eventually all the Grants and all the Simpsons gathered together and had a discussion.

What are we going to call the boy then? Hannah, the mother, wanted Albert. Albert Grant. Albert, everyone said. Why Albert? Why? After the Secretary of the Treasury under Jefferson, Albert Gallatin. Of course.

Yeah. All right, Hannah. Everyone's looked a bit awkward at each other, took a step back. Okay. Bit weird. Okay. Any other ideas? It's fine.

Put it on the list. Put it on the list. Hannah's younger sister wanted Theodore. Ooh. Yes. Theodore. A good later Roman name. Yeah.

Theo. Theo. Theodore. That could work. Okay. Pop that on the list. That's fine. Hannah's father wanted Hiram or Hiram.

I'm not sure how you pronounce that or how they pronounce it back then. Probably Hiram. Hiram. Yeah,am. Hiram. Yeah, probably. Hiram Grant. Yeah, put it on the bottom. Actually, put it above Albert. That one was weird.

But yeah, put it on the list. Anyone else? Well, Hannah's mother had been reading recently and was enjoying a French novel about the son of Ulysses. So, why not Ulysses? That's a weird name. Why would you call somebody Ulysses. So why not Ulysses? That's a weird name. Why would you call somebody Ulysses? It's a bit weird, isn't it? It's what they all said. Go on, put it on the list. Now, the book

that Hannah's mother had been reading actually belonged to Jesse. So he seconded that suggestion wanting to impress the mum. Ah, yeah. Oh dear. Yeah, no, that sounds good to me. So he's called Ulysses because he's sucking up to his mother-in. Ah, yes. Yeah. Oh, dear. Yeah, it's like, yeah, no, that sounds good to me. So he's called Ulysses because he's sucking up to his mother-in-law, essentially. Yeah, pretty much.

Oh. Yeah. However, lots of debate, and eventually it was decided no one could decide. Oh. So all the names went into a hat. Round and round the names went, and eventually it was drawn. And what came out? Hiram.

No, Ulysses. Come on, Jamie. I don't trust you anymore. Ulysses was indeed drawn, but I'm guessing although it wasn't explicitly said anywhere here, but I'm guessing Grandad kicked up a bit of a fuss.

Probably something along the lines of, that's a stupid name. He'll be mocked and bullied. Yeah. Because, apparently, Jesse said then that he wanted to honour his father-in-law. So it was decided that the boy would in fact be called Hiram. Hiram. Yeah.

Hiram Ulysses Grant. And there you go, that's his name Hiram. Yeah. Right. Hiram Ulysses Grant. And there you go. That's his name. Oh. Yeah. However, Hiram never really stuck and the family always called him Ulysses. But there you go.

His name's not actually Ulysses. Okay. What's the S stand for? We'll get to that. All right. Yeah. See, when you pick names, you've got to be so careful.

It's like, can we spell it? Because I had to look at your iPads and I spelled Ulysses. I know I spelled that word before in my life. It's not an easy name to spell, is it? It's one of these weird Greek names, isn've got to be so careful. It's like, can we spell it? Because I had to look at your iPod to know how to spell Ulysses. I never spelled that word before in my life. It's not an easy name to spell, is it? It's one of these weird Greek names, isn't it? It is a very unusual name. You certainly don't have any other presidents named Ulysses. No.

But anyway, he's got his name now. Shortly after this, the family moved again, and this time to Georgetown in the south of Ohio. Jesse set up yet another tannery business and built a house as his family grew. Like in Numba, not just getting taller. Ulysses grew up a bit and saw his dad

working hard at something that was utterly repulsive to him. Farming. No, the tanning. Oh, of course, yeah. Yes, the smells for tannery was not pleasant. Why do you smell of wee? Yeah, wee and dead animals. It's not good. Possibly because of this, Ulysses grew up hating the idea of harming animals.

He never went hunting with his friends. He never did any of that kind of thing. Just didn't like it. Possibly because he, from an early age, just saw the animals having their skin ripped off them. Yeah, not pleasant. Yeah, not pleasant. However, this did not stop Jesse from loving his son. Jesse, a very outspoken man, joined the debating society.

They were very popular back then. And he would argue about the evils of slavery and push his pro-abolitionist viewpoint. But when he wasn't debating about politics, he was boasting about his son Ulysses. Like, non-stop about me. He's got an amazing name and I can spell it in everything. After the fourth attempt. Yeah, non-stop apparently. He's got an amazing name and I can spell it in everything. After the fourth attempt. Yeah. It's obviously you. Yeah.

Ulysses was too young to care about this. He probably would have found it a bit embarrassing if he was older, but he was fairly young at this time. Anyway, little Ulysses would spend his time playing with his little brother. He's got one of those now. And making friends with other children in the area. Unfortunately they did use his name against him

as you predicted. Ulysses became Lees and then Lees became Leaseless and then Leaseless became Useless and soon he just developed the nickname Useless. I see only I'll have him. Anyway, he goes to school at the age of five and he attempted to get away from

the name, writing Hiram U. Grant on all his books. When at school, he discovered that he loved maths more than anything else. He also enjoyed art, but he hated having to get up and read in front of other people. He'd stumble over the words. People would call him useless. In particular, his teacher kept getting him to stand up and read a biography of George Washington out loud,

and it just annoyed him. Especially old-timey words as well. Yeah, exactly. Really bad handwriting. Yeah. I can't read this. I don't know what these words mean. Forthwith? What? But there was one thing that Ulysses loved more than anything else when he grew up and that was horses.

Oh yes, he could ride a horse like few else could in the region. I mean, he was seriously good with horses. When he was 11, some entertainers came through the town and there was a booking donkey. You know those mechanical balls and you've got to sit on it and you get thrown off? Obviously it wasn't mechanical back then, it was just an enraged donkey. Called Psycho. Had it for years.

Been poking with sticks all morning yeah well apparently if you could survive five minutes on psycho the donkey you would get yourself five dollars which wasn't to be sneezed at back then lots of people had a go no look psycho the donkey knew his stuff young ulysses

however stepped up please sir may I have a go no boy i hear useless but then ulysses jumped up on the donkey grabbed it by the neck and managed to ride that donkey for five minutes wow earning himself five dollars that's impressive and a bit of a reputation for being able to stay on a donkey which is a useful reputation to have it dollars that's impressive and a bit of a reputation for being able to stay on a donkey which is a useful reputation to have it is it's good it gets you far in life i feel it does now as soon as he was old enough to notice girls he used this to his advantage not the donkey story the ability with horses

hello my name's uh h. Here's my donkey, psycho. He may kick you. Don't worry. We'll chain him up out back. Yeah, no, it was his ability with horses that he'd used to impress the girls. He would ride bareback

through the village at speeds that would just frighten or excite people who saw it, depending on their temperament. I guess if you stroll strolling across the street carrying this new handcrafted ice sculpture. Yes, nice cold ice sculpture. Lovely cold ice sculpture. And then you've suddenly got this crazed horse

and this crazed boy. You're going to drop the ice sculpture. Yeah, just tearing through the town and then a crazed donkey following. Yeah, but the girls were impressed. just tearing through the town and then a crazed donkey following them. Yeah. So, yeah. But the girls were impressed. Look at him riding through.

I mean, at this point, Hiram had his leather jacket on and his sunglasses, cigarettes in his sleeve rolled up. Oh, no. Yeah, he was just a bit of a bad boy. All the women, oh, he rides a donkey well. I wonder if he's hung like a...

No! So, yeah, he was a bit well. I wonder if he's hung like a no! So yeah, he was a bit of a bad boy on his horse. But then, when he would offer a girl a lift, he knew how to handle a horse so they would feel safe. He wasn't crazy when someone else was on the horse.

He just controlled the horse really well. So yeah, he impressed a few people. He was very relieved when this love of horses meant that he could get away from the tannery for periods of time because he was having to work there by this point, help his dad out. But yeah, the horses helped because farmers from the surrounding areas started bringing their unruly horses for young Ulysses to train.

Do you think it was more physical training or psychological training? Just staring them out. Yeah, Or horse whispering kind of way. Yeah. Maybe he'd just hold the horse's balls in one hand and just whisper into its ear, look, you're gonna do what I say. This is almost like Basil, isn't it? Emperor Basil. Yes. Yeah. He was good with horses as well. Anyway, seeing potential, Jesse then started up a delivery service, his son, transporting goods and people around the county, and then in fact the entire state. Ulysses all over the place, on his horse, delivering things.

When he was 14, he was sent to Maysville, Kentucky for further education. And again, he excelled in maths more than anything else. However, he was seen as, and I quote here, a quiet matter-of-fact boy. So he wasn't loud and cocky. He was just quiet in the background until he got on his horse. Over the next few years, Ulysses changed schools a few times.

It's not recorded. Why? Interestingly. Don't get the impression he was kicked out. Lack of stable facilities? Maybe. Maybe it was the donkey following him. Oh, yeah.

Put people off. Who knows? Kicking the tables in the classroom. Yeah. Mocking over the inkwell him. Oh, yeah. Put people off. Who knows? Kicking the tables in the classroom. Yeah. Mocking over the inkwells, that sort of thing. Exactly. By 17, Jesse told his son he could now work in the beam house. Wonderful.

The beam house... Thank you. ...was where the raw hides would have all the hair and flesh removed. It'd be put on a big beam in the middle of the room. It stretched out and scraped off, wasn't it? Yeah. But beforehand, you'd have to soak it to make it soft. Is it ammonia or something?

It's really not nice. Yeah, that's where your urine comes from. Oh, yes. Yeah, it's really unpleasant. It's just nasty, dead, stinky, fleshy urine-y. Great news, son! You've been promoted to the beam house. Well, Ulysses had a thing or two to say about this,

and I'm going to quote him here. Well, father, this tanning is not the work I like. I'll work here if you wish me to until I am one and twenty. But you depend on it, and I'll never work a day longer than that. Okay. Well, Jesse thinks about this. And then what do you think he says? All right.

No. You're fired. Get out. No, not that either. You will work until I say you work. No, not that either. Oh, meh. He replied that if Ulysses didn't intend to stick at it,

working until he was one and 20 would just be a waste of time. And just say twenty-one, Ulysses, what's wrong with you? No one speaks like that. So, he said, and I'll quote Jesse here, I want you to work at whatever you like and intend to follow. Oh. Well, replied Ulysses, I'd like to be a farmer, or a

down-the-river trader, or get an education. Generally just naming things that he isn't working in a tannery. Or a dentist. Or a shopkeeper. Or a donkey savaging the neighbour. Oh, dear. Psycho!

Stop gnawing on Mrs. Thorne's head! Well, Jesse took this list of options, apart from the last one we just made up, and decided that his son getting an education would be the best thing to do. Okay, if he doesn't want to work in the tannery, let's get him an education. However, despite the business doing quite well, education was

expensive, especially when he started growing up. However, Jesse knew of an academy that was completely free. Ooh. Yeah. Good quality. Oh, yes. I'm sure. Well, there was a slight catch.

This was West Point Academy, the military academy in New York. Now, Jesse had an old friend named Hammer. Brilliant. Which is just great. Yeah. You just know he's just wearing, like, wrestling pants. Yes. And he's holding a big hammer.

String vest, yeah. Yeah, yeah. One eye. Yes. I'm Hammer. This is my friend Nails. Constantly tell people it's Hammer time. Oh, no.

Yeah, that was Hammer. Oh, that's why. See, this is why he's hated. Well, Jesse and Hammer had fallen out a few years ago. Well, we know why, don't we? Arguing about Andrew Jackson, apparently. Yeah, can't touch this. Well, the two hadn't spoken for a long time,

but Hammer was now responsible for putting names forward for the military academy, as it happened, for the state. So Jesse thinks, okay. Oh, it might be Hammer time. It might be. So swallowing his pride, Jesse wrote to Hammer, asking for a place for his son Ulysses. Hammer wrote back saying that Jesse should have contacted him sooner. Of course he will help his old friend out.

He was more than happy to put forward Ulysses. Hammer then filled out the paperwork and sent it on to the War Secretary. However, the deadline was tight, Hammer was in a bit of a rush, and he's better with tools than Quills. When he got to the name box on the form, Hammer realised he didn't know Ulysses' middle name. However, he reasoned that it probably followed the tradition of being his mother's maiden name.

That's what a lot of people did. So Ulysses was probably called Ulysses Simpson Grant. Right. So we filled it in Ulysses S. Grant. Wonderful. And sent the form off. It's like the beginning of the Star Wars Solo film. Yes. Not seen it. Oh, Han

is signing up to be part of the Imperial thing. They say, well, you need a surname. What's your surname? I don't have one. I'm all on my own. Ah, Solo. Hans Solo. Which also means an S. That sounds a bit forced.

Yeah, a little bit. Oh, it's very much crowbarred in, yeah. Now, there was a slight problem with all of this. And it was the fact that Ulysses knew nothing about any of this until his father told him that he had gained a place in West Point. Oh, by the way, son. Yeah. Know how you've always wanted to be a soldier? No.

Well, good news. Well, Ulysses told his father, and I'll quote here, But I won't go. Jesse replied that he thought that he would. I think you will. I'll quote Ulysses here about what his father had just said. He said that he thought I would go, and I thought so too, if he did. So, there you go.

Off to West Point he goes. Sad he was holding a wrench. Grant arrived at West Point in 1839 at the age of 17. He soon learnt that his name was registered incorrectly. He attempted to get it changed. He signed himself in as Hiram Ulysses Grant, and he was told nope, we're not expecting anyone by that

name. That was an awkward, oh, it's just a, it's just an error, my name's Hiram Ulysses Grant. Pause. No. We're expecting Ulysses Simpson Grant. So eventually, Ulysses sighs and goes, fine, whatever, I'll have to sort that out at a later date. I'll get round to that.

Yeah. But things in the army sometimes aren't easy to change. No. Red tape and all that. Yeah. Yeah. Eventually Ulysses just accepts the fact that this is his name now and even starts to sign documents using Ulysses S. Grant.

Fair enough. Yes. It's easy that way. Now, of course, this makes him U.S. Grant, Ulysses Simpson. Oh. And soon enough, he earned the nickname Uncle Sam Grant. Some of the older boys, seeing his name up on the wall, immediately gave him the nickname of Uncle Sam,

and then that turned to just Sam. So Ulysses, whose actual name is Hiram, was known as Sam throughout his entire time of training. Wonderful. Yeah. Now, at this time, West Point enrolled about 240 cadets. About two-thirds graduated. As you can imagine, everyone got to know each other very well. This isn't a large school. They learnt maths, practical artwork, engineering, French, because sometimes orders had to be given in French. Practical artwork?

Yeah, yeah. Like sign making? Yeah, map making. I'm with you. Yeah. You could draw things like horses, because horses, battles, war. Yeah. But as soon as you're doing flowers, it's like...

Screw that rubbish. No, you have to draw flowers with a gun. Yes. And then it as you're doing flowers, it's like... Screw that rubbish. No, you have to draw flowers with a gun. And then it was allowed. Flowers on fire! Yeah. Got the teacher walking around the class and people just doing a nice little landscape. And they just see the teacher frowning and just get the red paint out quickly.

And the teacher smiles, walks away. Anyway, such a small school, like I say, everyone gets to know each other well. Many of them would grow up to be leaders in the army. Or rather, armies. Because the country's going to split apart in 20 years. Oh, wonderful. And all the leaders kind of know each other.

Ah. Yeah. Now, Ulysses was only really interested in maths. Although he was competent at drawing and writing as well. Some of his artwork's actually really quite good. Wonderful flames. Yeah. He was later described by his contemporaries as modest, almost shy,

but thorough. He got on with his work. But he didn't push himself forward. He didn't make a scene. He just sort of fit into the background and got on with stuff. That's alright. Yeah. That's what I did at school. He didn't try any harder than he had to in any subject. He just sort of fit into the background and got on with stuff. That's all right. Yeah. That's what I did at school. He didn't try any harder than he had to in any subject. He just muddled along.

Sounds pretty good to me. Outside of lessons, life was spartan and regimented, as you can imagine in a military school. Drills were constant. Military discipline was always expected. Over time, Ulysses decided that his love for maths was the direction he was going to go in. But what do you do with maths?

Count things. Exactly. I mean, can you earn money by counting things? Well, yes. It turns out fast. You can, especially if you're counting money. But Ulysses didn't really know about any of that. There was only one job he could think of,

which involved knowing maths, and that was to become the maths teacher at West Point. Yeah. So that's what he decided he was going to do as an adult. Graduate, and then he'd become the maths teacher. So he threw himself into the study of mathematics even more. But, as ever, it was his skill with horses that made him stand out.

The Academy's Master of Horses commented on how Ulysses was able to take the breath away from spectators with his ability to jump on a horse. He'd ride them up and down, just showing off, basically. Anyway, four years pass. The routine continued, and Ulysses did well enough to graduate 21st in a class of 39. Ooh, middling.

Middling, yeah. He was seen as capable, gifted with horses, and good with numbers, and not bad with a paintbrush. But apart from that, he did not particularly stand out. Ulysses then had three months leave before he was commissioned into the infantry.

So he headed home and he awaited his post. While at home, his new dress uniform arrived. Nice spangly new uniform. Nice. It's good. Wanting to show off, he put it on and he rode into Cincinnati. To get the looks.

Oh, yes. There's no reason he'd do that. According to Grant, and I'll quote him here, I rode into the city imagining that everyone was looking at me with a feeling akin to mine when I first saw General Scott. So picture the scene, right? Young man, perfectly dressed, sharp uniform,

creases, creases on the creases. Oh, wow. He could cut bread with them. Nice. He's looking sharp. He's riding expertly through the streets. Yeah. He hasn't fallen off once. No. The music is swelling. Cut to a small boy, barefoot in rags.

Piece of bread halfway to his mouth. His eyes wide as he looks up at this picture of a man. As Ulysses rides over the boy. No, no, Ulysses just rides past. The boy opens his mouth and says, Oi, what an idiot! Oh. Essentially, I'm paraphrasing there.

In fact, what he did say was oi soldier will you work no siree i'll sell my shirt first basically saying you're not doing anything yeah you're driving you're riding around your horse showing off yeah yeah which is true yeah shortly afterwards ulysses came across a man who lived nearby who had created his own version of the uniform using strips of cotton on some blue trousers. Oh, what's that called in America where you wear a uniform? Stealing honour or something like that where you put a uniform on and pretend you're an army member?

Well, this man wasn't pretending to really be in the army. Like dress up? He was just mocking Ulysses. Oh, mocking. Oh, that's a shame. just mocking Ulysses. Oh, mocking. Oh, that's a shame. Anyway, Ulysses took off his uniform. Right then and there. Yeah, down to his pants, his underwear.

And he never really bothered with a spangly new uniform again. Anyway, he then received his post. He was off to Jefferson Barracks in Missouri. As it happened, this was only a few miles away from one of his roommates in West Point, named Frederick Dent. So life was relatively easy in Jefferson Garrison. The young officers led soldiers, who were mostly immigrants to the country,

and Ulysses and his fellow officers were able to just let the sergeants get on with things and just sort of do their duties during the day and then just head on off and do whatever they wanted in the evenings so it's quite nice time while off duty ulysses would often go and visit dent's house in nearby whitehaven and frederick dent happened to have a few sisters oh did he oh yes in particular he had one sister named Julia. Ooh. Yeah. Julia was 18, described by a couple of historians that I read as the plainest of the daughters, which seems a bit mean.

But apparently she had the most sparkling personality. So she impressed young Ulysses. And Ulysses found himself visiting the family more and more until he was practically a daily visitor. And soon enough, Ulysses and Julia were inseparable. They fished together, they rode together on horses, I'm guessing. They went

to dances where Ulysses would watch Julia dance, which sounds really creepy. It does a little bit. It does, but apparently Ulysses was just really really bad at dancing and was tone deaf and just didn't really like the whole music thing. So he'd just sort of sit and watch Julia dance with the other officers. That must have been nice.

Yeah, nice evening out together. Yeah. As you can imagine, Ulysses is a bit distracted from his work here. He was often late for dinner at the barracks, and the captain at the barracks was in the habit of fining the officers a bottle of wine if they were ever late. Fining a bottle of wine? Yeah. That's brilliant.

It's an amazing idea. I'm going to start doing that with my class. You're late, bottle of wine. Bread, please. Yeah, it wasn't long before Ulysses owed several bottles of wine. And he was getting a bit of a reputation for not really doing his job very well. Anyway, it became very clear what direction Ulysses and Julia were heading in. Julia's father, not happy at all. This young lieutenant was not good enough for his favourite daughter. And the young man seemed to not agree with him when he went on one of his pro-slavery rents, which he liked to do.

Oh, dear. Yeah. Ulysses by no means the abolitionist his father is, but also isn't pro-slavery. He just doesn't seem to have an opinion, or at least it doesn't come through time. So, yeah, father's not keen, but Julia's mother, she's a bit more happy about it. She's willing to give the blessing. Then one day Ulysses made his move because a storm happened and the local brook started to flood. Ulysses turned up at the dense house soaking wet.

Cold water. Covered in cold, icy water. Covered in icy cold water he was. Yeah, imagine that. What a guy. It is still very warm, for the listener's benefit. Yeah, he turns up soaking wet. They've all got to leave

quite soon, because everyone's heading off to a wedding. So, Ulysses does what he can to dry off, and then Ulysses and Julia head off to the wedding together in a buggy. So Ulysses driving, the little carriage thing. They came across what usually was a dry ditch, but now was full of rushing water from the storm.

Oh dear. Yeah. Julia was unsure if they'd be able to get across and suggested they turn back. Ulysses assured Julia it was going to be fine. I'm sure it'll be all right. In that way that young men often do. Yeah, it's a little trickle of water. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. But Ulysses, that's be all right. In that way that young men often do. Yeah, I know, it's a little trickle of water.

It'll be fine. It'll be fine. But Ulysses, that's a bear drowning. It's fine. It's only grizzly. There are bigger bears. In the Arctic. Oh.

Where it's nice and cold. Nice and cold. Well, perhaps this was all a ploy because Julia said to Ulysses, and I'll quote here, Now, if anything happens, I will cling to you no matter what you say to the contrary. Don't have that rid of that. Off we go then. I was about to turn back.

It does look quite dicey, but now we're going in. Off we go. You'll be pleased to know they safely make it across. Ulysses then turned to Julia and asked her if she wanted to cling to him for the rest of her life. So I don't know whether to go, oh, or ugh, go on, you've got a line. They were secretly engaged, unsure of Julia's father's reaction. Apparently Julia was slightly convinced that Ulysses agreed to keep this secret

because he was just too nervous to approach the father. Then all of a sudden, however, orders were given. Ulysses Grant was to go with the men to Fort Jessup in Louisiana, near the Texas border, because they were to be an army of observation. Don't forget your binoculars. Well, many realise what this meant. They were to go off to the border with Mexico

and wait for an excuse to start a war. Oh! Yes, we're approaching that time. Ulysses was not at all impressed. He'd later describe this war as, I quote, one of the most unjust wars ever waged by a stronger against a weaker nation. However, he knew that he was in no position to do anything but obey orders, so off they go.

Now, Grant was under command of General Zachary Taylor. Yay! Who we've come across before. A gruff, shabby, no-nonsense general who liked nothing better than dressing up as someone else and embarrassing young officers. Thinking it was Ulysses. Unfortunately not, it would have been. Oh, that would have been amazing.

Yeah, I did check, but no, I couldn't find any stories of Taylor pretending to be, like, the washerwoman or something. Which is a shame. Now, we don't have time to cover the Mexican War. And as we've already seen it in Taylor's episode, we'll just do some brief highlights here. After a small skirmish ended with some US troops dead, Polk used this as an excuse he needed and started the war. Grant was with Taylor during the first battle of Palo Alto,

that we did discuss before. Now, after years of training and treating the military as a career, the realities of the war suddenly come crashing down. This is actually combat. This is brutal and harsh, and I could die. Well, he describes how he felt during the first battle, and I'll quote him,

Sh**! Not quite, actually. No, no. Slightly different and I'll quote him. S***. Not quite, actually. No, no, slightly different. I'll quote. You want to know what my feelings were on the field of battle. I do not know that I felt any particular sensation. War seems much less horrible to a person engaged in it than to those who read about it. So he wasn't as scared as he feared he would be.

He was able to cope. He did well enough in the first battle, and then in the next battle he was put in temporary charge of an infantry company. This is the Battle of Rusaka de la Palma, if I'm pronouncing that correctly. Yeah, this was a fast-moving battle, and General Taylor issued many fast-changing orders. Grant and his men found themselves charging on the enemy with bayonets yelling and shouting at the top of their lungs. Nice. Charge. We're going to go and get the enemy.

Yeah. They crest this hill and come across a Mexican colonel and some men and were able to capture them. Pretty good. Captured a Mexican colonel. Yeah. And then the battle was won by the United States and then everything became a bit clearer.

The chaos of battle settled down, and everyone asked each other what they got up to, and it dawned on Grant and his men that the colonel they had just captured had already been captured a few minutes before they had captured him. Oh, oh. Yeah, they weren't actually on the front line, which they thought they were.

That's disappointing. Someone had already passed through. I mean, they should have possibly realised when they crested that hill and saw the colonel and the men all, like, tied up in a big circle. And the American flags everywhere. Yeah. American troops sort of high-fiving each other,

sweating beer. Shouting out, I'm glad we won this war! Yeah. Yeah, Grant was a bit disappointed by this, and I'll quote him here. This left no doubt in my mind, but the battle would have been won just as it was if I had not been there. Aw, you felt useless then. Yeah. Which I won because it's his nickname.

He wrote to Julia about his experiences. She obviously wanted to know that he was okay. Yeah. He wrote, wanting to reassure her, of course. A ball struck close to me, killing one man instantly. It knocked Captain Page's underjaw clean off and broke the roof of his mouth and knocked

Lieutenant Warren and one sergeant down beside. But they weren't hurt much. Bloody hell. J.C. took out the guy's jaw and knocked out two of the people. Marifying. Nearly a flesh wound.

Just imagine Julia reading that letter. Letter coated in blood. Grant was then assigned as quartermaster, which was a lot of responsibility, especially for someone his rank. Charge of food, isn't it? Yeah, logistics, organisation.

But he resented this, because he was being taken off the front line. He didn't like being taken out of danger's way. He thought it was cowardly. But it was a logistics organisation. But he resented this because he was being taken off the front line. He didn't like being taken out of danger's way. He thought it was cowardly. But it was not long before he was in danger once more because chosen for his ability with horses, he was given a dispatch to deliver during the Battle of Monterey. He had to ride through the city alone in full view of Mexican snipers

to deliver this message. Wow. So off he goes on his own, riding into this Mexican city. Full-on cowboy moment here. He swung his whole body to the side of the horse, so he was able to use the horse as a shield as he went through. A horsey shield. Yeah, which is like a once-only-use shield. Well, yes. Only one sided

as well. Yeah. But I mean, that's pretty impressive. Yeah. He makes it. He does alright. Do you think he galloped through or went slowly through? He galloped surely. Oh, surely he galloped. Harder to hold on to. Yeah. But he was good with horses. True. Being able to ride on the side of a horse can't be

easy. Anyway, the war continued. Grant lost some friends, as you do during war, and wrote to Julia and continued as his job as quartermaster. Thomas Hammer turned up. Yeah? Still in his wrestling underwear. At what time?

It was Hammer time. Anyway, he looked up Grant. After all, he'd got him into West Point seven years previously. And the two became friends, apparently. Hammer declared that Grant had a bright future. Good. Then Grant's unit was ordered to leave General Tyler and go and support General Scott, who was advancing on the capital, if you remember.

General Scott. Yes. Now, if you remember, Pierce is with Scott, and this is when Pierce has his hilarious war, where nothing goes right for him. Yeah, and he faints and falls off. Yes. Grant continues his diligent work, just gets

on with things. He made his mark one day when he ordered that one of the artillery guns be dismantled, taken up a church spire, and then reassembled so they could fire the gun from an elevated position, which worked quite well. Well, yeah.

Yeah. I'm sure God would have approved. Yes. Anyway, the war was won, as we saw. And, as we saw in Pierce's episode, many men stayed behind in Mexico for several months afterwards. Grant had done very well in this war that he disagreed with. He'd been promoted twice, and he was now a captain.

He spent several months in Mexico, learning enough Spanish to communicate with the locals, and just generally went off and explored the land, becoming more and more convinced that this war was just wrong. What were they doing there? Anyway, in the summer of 1848, Grant headed home, and he was able, at last, to marry Julia. So, Dad found out at some point, presumably. At the ceremony. Well, Grant's father, Jesse, refused to attend. Oh, really? Yeah, because Julia's father owned slaves. Oh, dear.

Yeah. Anyway, after a couple of months' leave, Grant was then given his new post. Up on the border with Canada in New York, he and Julia were there for a few months before they moved again, this time to Detroit, where he was made quartermaster once more. However, being quartermaster during a war, he didn't particularly like anyway,

but it was a very different job to being quartermaster during peacetime. He was essentially a clerk, and he hated the job. It really didn't suit him. He spent time with the horses, he explored the Canadian border, and he explored his wife,

shall we say, because soon she gave birth to a son. Little Frederick. Apparently he kept himself to himself once more. Whilst here, he didn't make any waves. One contemporary described him thus. He was like a trained athlete. Who leans listless against a wall.

But wakes to wonders when call is made upon him. So he's like a caged tiger. Yeah. Waiting to be unleashed. Yeah. To get his claws out. Or just like one of the penguins. Yes.

That just sort of waddles by the water. Yeah, falls over, slips around. It's hilarious. But in the water, oh, graceful. Yeah, yeah. Maybe like that. They live in a cold place, Jamie. Oh, ice cold.

Minus 40. So, life plods along. But then, without warning, the regiment was suddenly ordered to California. Grant, being quartermaster, was responsible for the move for the regiment. This was a lot of work, a lot of organisation. A once more pregnant Julia tried to convince her husband that she and the baby should go with him.

Didn't want to be apart. But the journey was not going to be easy. They were going to have to sail down to Panama, cross Panama, and then sail back up to the west coast, because the infrastructure just isn't there to just go by land. So it was decided Grant would go alone. Good. And this was a very good decision, because the journey to Panama was not pleasant, but things got a lot worse when they got there. Oh, wonderful. Yeah. Oh, yellow fever. Cholera. Oh, cholera. Yes. Cholera epidemic spread

through the regiment. Out of the 700 people crossing, only 450 made it to the other side. Out of 700? Oh, wow. Yeah. 20 children were taken along on the journey. Only three survived. Ooh. It was a good job

he kept his family at home. I mean, sad for the families, but for the travelling teacher with books to mark. Silver lining. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, Grant was in charge of the second regimental party. That basically meant the baggage and the dependents.

Wonderful. Yeah. So he had a tricky job. Those that survived praised Grant for his tireless work during this time, attempting to secure them transport and comfort those in need, trying to send people off to hospitals, and just generally doing his best to stop everyone from dying. Eventually, they made it to the ships on the other side of the country,

and they headed north to California, and then on to the ships on the other side of the country, and they headed north to California, and then on to the Oregon Territory. Once there, and set up, Grant realised one thing. He hated it in the West. It was awful. He wrote to Julia, assuring her that the area was absolutely safe.

He said, arrive safely, and it's safe here. Julia was worried about the Native American presence and whether there was going to be fighting, but Ulysses wrote back to say that the Native American presence is here, but they're absolutely harmless. And in fact, they had far more to fear from us white settlers than we do from them.

We have guns. Yes. In fact, Ulysses soon came to see the treatment of the native people there. It was very unjust and he didn't like what he saw. He's got a moral compass, hasn't he? He does have a moral compass. It's not a massively strong one. It's not like he does anything about these things.

Oh, no. But it's nice to see just a glimmer. Yeah. Compared to some of the ones that we've had. There's something deep down buried inside yeah anyway grant attempts uh several ventures to raise some money because he's not going to be able to do anything on his wages he wants to get out of this so he's got to do something on the side but nothing really works he went into partnership in a general store, but that failed. He then set up an ice cutting business. Oh!

It's brilliant, isn't it? Imagine that. Yeah. Selling it down in San Francisco, where it's hot and they needed ice. So he'd chop it out of the mountains and then he'd just like, he'd get lumps of ice, Jamie, and he'd just like press it to his forehead. Oh, imagine that.

Imagine it. Rub it all over his naked body. Yes. Anyone listening to this, like, in winter at some point when it's really cold, will not understand how much I'm enjoying the idea of ice right now. Anyway, that failed, however, in the ice

cutting business. Damn it! He rubbed it all over his hot body and it melted. He had none to sell. At one point he leased space for a gentleman's club. He rubbed it all over his hot body and it melted. Yeah. He had enough to sell. Yeah. At one point he leased space for a gentleman's club. Oh. But nothing panned out.

So it just didn't work. Okay. Yeah. No get rich quick schemes for him. He did receive word that his second son, Ulysses Jr., had been born. Which is nice. But Grant had nothing to do but miss his family and hate his work. So he did

what many do in such a situation. Drink. Drink. And he drank. Now he'd always enjoyed a drink, but now he drank like there was no tomorrow. And then Captain Buchanan turned up. Now

no relation as far as I can tell to the president, but we've come across him before. I just didn't mention his name. This is the guy who defined people bottles of wine. Oh, wonderful. Yeah, who didn't get on with Grant last time. And yeah, all of a sudden, he's now Lieutenant Colonel, and he's arrived to take over.

And he'd never got on with Grant. The feeling was mutual and Grant was now drunk. One day whilst on duty handing out the men's pay, it became very clear that Grant was a bit, bit far gone. He was there just hugging all the men who'd come up to him and crying. I love you man. I have an extra hundred. Go on, you deserve it. Treat yourself. Do you want any ice? It's just a puddle. Like my tears.

Yeah. Not much was getting out of that. Anyway, Buchanan summoned him and gave him a simple option. He could either resign. Grant took the resignation. You've got three options here. The first option is to resign.

Yes, I will do that. Just get me out of here. Yeah, he wanted to go home. He was forced to borrow money to make it back home. But eventually he did. In August 1854, he finally met his son and was reunited with Julia and Frederick. 1854, he finally met his son and was reunited with Julia and Frederick. 1854, my goodness.

Jesse, ever concerned about his son, wrote to the current war secretary. And Jesse's never not getting involved in Ulysses' life. Yeah, so writes to the war secretary, who happens to be Jefferson Davis at this time. And asks Jefferson Davis that he consider his son's resignation more of a vacation than a resignation. The boy doesn't know what he's doing. Go on, just let him come back. Yeah, Jefferson Davis ignores this.

Grant's gone. He's not in the army anymore. Anyway, Grant and Julia move into some land in Missouri that Julia's father had given them as a wedding present. Grant threw himself into cultivating the land and building a house and just generally trying to make a home. Nice. But he needed money. The only thing he could do at this time was a job offered by Julia's father, which was to supervise the slaves.

Ooh. Yeah. Grant did it, but he was soon told he wasn't very good at it, because he was far too lenient and would let the slaves just get away with all sorts. Now, Grant seemed to be happier for a while, but reality soon kicked in and they just ran out of money. So, Grant tries several jobs, including dealing in real estate with a cousin of Julia's, but that doesn't work out. Two more children come along, and then the situation really gets desperate.

Jesse yet again offered his son a place in his tanning business, and Grant, through gritted teeth, accepts. Oh. Back to the tannery. The family move to Galena in Illinois, and reluctantly he starts in the tanning business, working with his brothers. And then, Lincoln was elected president. Oh, wonderful.

Yes. Now, all the political stuff that's been going on in the country, I've not really mentioned, because Grant doesn't really get involved in any of it. He's not hugely a political man, as you can possibly see. Yeah. But, yeah, we have reached that time already. Lincoln is elected president.

Grant wasn't eligible to vote in the election because he'd only just moved into the area. He had to have lived in an area for a certain amount of time before he could vote. But he let it be known that he supported Douglas over Lincoln. He thought Lincoln was going a bit too far. He was generally in support of Democrats over the Republicans. Might just be to annoy his father. Anyway, then news comes through about Fort

Somta, and it became clear that war was in the air. As with throughout the country, Grant's local area started putting together a volunteer company. And as they had a West Point graduate and Mexican War veteran in their midst, Grant soon became an authority on what should be happening. He was first given a civilian role of advising the training of volunteers, and he would just follow them around in his civilian clothes and just offer advice. However, it was not long before the governor of the state appointed Grant as the colonel of the 21st Regiment of the Illinois Volunteers.

And this man's got experience. He can look after the volunteers. And he's got a crazy donkey. Yeah, exactly. Anyway, the war starts. Grant soon got his first orders to march on the enemy. He wrote later how nervous he was. And I'll quote here,

to march on the enemy. He wrote later how nervous he was, and I'll quote here, I would have given anything to be back in Illinois. He marched his men forward, expecting at any point for the Confederate forces to attack him and his group of volunteers. He described how his heart was in his mouth, but finally they reached the enemy camp. Grant found that the enemy had fled, and again I'll quote him, it occurred to me at once that Harris had been as much afraid of me as I had been of him. Grant seems to learn from this as the war continues. Is he going to be someone that builds his reputation? Oh, yes. A bit like Caracalla style.

Not quite that bad. But sort of the image and impression of him has more of an impact than the actual fighting ability. Well, you'll see as we go on. Now, as with Lincoln's episode, we're not going to go through a full rundown of every single battle that Grant was involved in during the Civil War, because it would soon devolve into a list of place names

and casualty numbers. Yeah. But we're going to have a brief summary of what he got up to. So, just to remind you, this is the start of the war when Lincoln could not find any generals to do anything at all, and he's getting really frustrated. Yeah. Yeah.

Grant is in the Western theatre of the war. Now, Grant was soon promoted to brigadier general. Sounds very British. Yeah, it does. And was given command of all Union troops in southern Illinois and southeastern Missouri. So he's quite quickly promoted, and he has a decent command. A good number of men under him. The goal in the Western Theatre, as we've seen, was to control the Mississippi.

If you hold the river, then you control the movement of arms and supplies and troops, and also you split the Confederacy's land in half. So it just makes sense. Let's control the river, then we win the war. Grant's first major action was to take a town, which was called Paducah. This

had been occupied by the Confederate forces, but by the time Grant gets there, it was abandoned, and he's able to go on without a fight. Nice. He reassured the citizens that he was there in peace. But I'll quote him here. Citizens of Paducah, I have come among you not as the enemy,

but as a friend and fellow citizen, not to injure or annoy you. I won't come along and just keep poking you in the shoulder over and over again instead of saying your name. That's annoying. I've left come along and just keep poking you in the shoulder over and over again instead of saying your name. That's annoying. I've left psycho at home. Yes. I have nothing to do with opinions. I shall only deal with armed rebellions and its

aiders and abettors. So have whatever view you want. Yeah. Just don't rebel. Yeah, essentially. Fair. Yeah. Anyway, that job was done. Next up was the town of Balmont. A Missouri town. Freeman had ordered Grant to make

demonstrations in the area. Basically, make a show of it, but don't actually attack. Yeah. Yeah. We're not sure if we can take it, so just call it, but... Very cool. Yeah. Go on, ride up and down a bit. You're good at that, aren't you, Grant? Grant, however, wanted to attack. He figured he could take the

town. Come on, we can take it. Come on, he said, essentially. But no, no, he was just to make demonstrations. But then, Lincoln removed Fremont of his command, as we saw in Lincoln's episode. With his immediate commander no longer there to say no,

Grant decided to go for it. Rapid advance of about 2,500 men on boats took the Confederacy by surprise, and artillery fire scattered the enemy. The Confederacy troops fled to the river, and Grant's forces celebrated. A band started playing. Everyone started cheering.

Hooray! Victory for the Union! Yay! However? Well, it was then they noticed the five regiments of Confederate troops that had managed to position themselves between Balfour and the boats that they had arrived in.

Oh dear. How do we get back home? Through that lot. Take the bunting down, guys! One person still cheerfully trumpeting his trumpet. Do-do-do-do-do-do. Elbow. Yeah.

Mwah. Mwah. End of a trumpet just droops. Yeah, Grant and his men were forced to fight their way back to the boats. Grant was the last man on the boat. This, obviously, was claimed as a victory by the North, because of course you would. Well, yeah.

Yeah. Mainly because Lincoln got wind of it and was just overjoyed that somebody, anyone, was actually fighting. Let's not ask too many questions about how much of a victory that actually was. I don't need a percentage. No.

Just round it up. To a hundred. Always round up to a hundred. And great, we won. Wonderful. What was the name of this general? Grant, you say? Interesting, thought Lincoln.

So Grant's name reached Lincoln's ears. Not only that, Grant's men's morale was boosted. They'd actually had a real fight. And they'd survived. Maybe they could win this thing. Next up for Grant and the other generals in the West was the taking out of a couple of forts. This is Fort Henry and Fort Donaldson.

Now, these forts controlled a couple of rivers that were tributaries of the Ohio River. If you want to control the Mississippi River, you've got to get these forts first. Now, Fort Henry fell almost straight away because it was, and I think the military term is, a bit of a rubbish fort. Okay. Yeah. A few cocktail sticks and a blanket.

Yes. I read in one book that the guns on the ships were more elevated than the guns in the fort. Oh. more elevated than the guns in the fort. Oh. Which I'm not entirely sure how that's even possible unless you built your fort in a ditch next to the river. It was clearly a bad fort. That is really bad.

Yeah. Anyway, Fort Henry fell almost straight away. The Confederate troops there fled to Fort Donaldson, which was 12 miles away, and again, military term, a bit of a better fort. Oh. Yeah. This one wasn't going to fall over straight away.

However, if they could take Fort Donaldson, the Confederacy would lose control of the middle of Tennessee. Now, if you remember in Johnson's episode, of course, he's military governor of Tennessee at the moment. Of course he is, yes. And he'll be able to control more of Tennessee if this works. See, it's all linking up. So yeah, it would be great if they could take it. However, this attack

did not go as smoothly as the attack on Fort Henry. Foot, who was in charge of the Union boats on the river, lost several ships as the bombardment began. Oh dear. Yeah. Don't want to misplace your ships. No. Some of them lost control of their ability to steer.

So they just kind of floated down the river. Oh dear. Which is just embarrassing really, isn't it? Bye. See ya. Unless it was an ingenious running away. Yes. Oh no.

We were trying to drive. We were trying. Can't steer. Oh no. The rudder fell off. Oh dear. It's a shame.. Can't stand. Oh, no. The rudder fell off. Oh, dear. It's a shame. We're floating away.

Down a river. Away from the men with guns. Bye. Yeah. Anyway, the first attack didn't go too well. Grant and Foot met up to decide what to do, how to proceed on land and on the river. But the meeting was interrupted when reports came through

that the Confederacy troops were breaking out, planning to flee. Grant rushed to the front lines to find utter chaos, but also, to his relief, learnt that the line had in fact howled and the troops were still inside the fort. In fact, it became obvious that the Confederacy were not going to last long. Grant received word from the general inside the fort. In fact, it became obvious that the Confederacy were not going to last long. Grant received word from the general inside the fort. This was the Confederate general, General Buckner, who had very recently been put in charge

after his fellow general, General Pillow, had handed command over to him hours before. Oh. Pillow was in charge Because General Floyd Had given Pillow command A few hours before that Going well then Yes, it really was a case of pass the command on

Yeah Floyd and Pillow had Liked their chances, they were all for this Attack, they could defend the fort Until suddenly they realised they couldn't And they had both fled In a kind of, you're in charge now Pillow, bye And then Pillow turned to Buckner they could defend the fort until suddenly they realised they couldn't and they had both fled. In a kind of,

you're in charge now, pillow, bye! And then pillow turned to Buckner, no, you're in charge now, bye! Oh dear. Yeah. Small detail, not in my notes about this battle because I didn't think it was important to mention but I'm going to mention now. Snowstorms.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, no, serious cold weather. Really intense. Ice chunks in the river kind of thing. Oh, that sounds amazing. It does, doesn't it? This leaves Buckner, who had in fact been the voice of reason in the fort, saying perhaps we shouldn't try and hold this fort.

He was the one left to face the music. So he wrote to Grant asking, essentially, what now? Grant wrote back a reply that has become famous in US history. And I will quote here, Sir, yours of this date proposing armistice and appointment of commissioners to settle terms of capitulation is just received. No terms except unconditional and immediate surrender, can be accepted. I propose to move immediately on your works. I am, sir, very respectfully your obedient servant.

U.S. Grant, Brigadier General. The unconditional surrender part was the bit that caught people's imagination. Soon enough, Ulysses S. Grant got a new nickname, Better than Useless, or Sam. He got the nickname Unconditional Surrender Grant. Ah! Yes. Nice. Yeah.

But before that, Buckner's reply to this letter was not happy at all. He replied, Sir, the distribution of the forces under my command, incident to an unexpected change of commanders and an overwhelming force under your command, compel me, notwithstanding the brilliant success of the Confederate arms yesterday, to accept the ungracious and unchivalrous terms that you propose.

Oh, love it. Yeah. I love the dig at Pillar and Floyd that's in there as well. Yeah, those losers. Yes. Just left me with this mess. Anyway, once this was over, this was hailed as a huge victory once more. And once again, Lincoln heard of this Grant.

He really seems to be getting stuff done over there. Someone who's actually fighting and winning. Grant was promoted once again to Major General. Oh, I am the very model of the modern Major General, he said. However, Lincoln wasn't the only person to be taking note of Grant's success. Some others did, and they weren't so happy. They were a bit jealous. Hellock, who was in charge of the forces in the West,

was suspicious of this general who was gaining popularity. Didn't like his underling. He wrote to McClellan. Remember McClellan? Yes. He's in charge of all the forces. Halleck writes to McClellan to say that Grant had, and I quote here, resumed his old habits.

Drinking. Drinking, yes. Now, how much Grant was drinking during this time is up to debate. It would appear he did drink during the war, but some claim it never affected his abilities, and some say it did. And it's hard to really tell, but as Grant won in the end, it obviously didn't affect him too much. Bit of Dutch courage.

Yeah, there you go. Anyway, Helik was told by the War Secretary, Stanton, that if he's got a problem, he should probably file formal charges rather than just sending letters to McLaren. Grant then moved his forces of around 40,000 men south. This is a big army now. Now, the plan is now to attack Corinth. Yay, high five.

Yeah. But as the Union forces were camped near the Tennessee River, Grant was 10 miles away because he was recovering from a fall from his horse that had left him unable to walk without crutches. Fell off his horse? Yeah, interestingly. Drunk. Drunk.

So you've got Grant recovering, and you've got 40,000 men in a field next to a cliff next to a river. Oh. To the north of them is Swampland. Pedding in, you could argue. Yeah. There's a big storm, lots of rain. It's very cold. Lovely and cold. And then,

at six o'clock one morning, 40,000 Confederate forces come rushing out of the surrounding woods. Oh dear. Taking them completely by surprise. The following was more mass confusion and brawling than an organised battle. The lines fell apart immediately. Those in charge of companies of men soon realised they just had to try and command the area around them.

Yeah. Rather than specific men because it just felt chaos. Kill the ones in the blue! That didn't really work that well. Oh, darn it. Everyone's uniform was mud coloured by this point. Oh yeah. Yeah. Anyway.

The guns start firing out, the artillery starts firing, and ten miles away Grant hears the battle and rushes to get onto a boat so he could get onto the front line and see what on earth was going on. He discovered that the Confederate plan was to push the Union forces away from the river

and into the swampland to the north, where they would quite literally get bogged down and then slaughtered. Ah, fun. Yeah, and this had to be done as quickly as possible because 20,000 Union troops were on their way to reinforce, something that everyone knew about. Both sides knew that those 25,000 men were coming,

so this is why they'd attacked when they did. In fact, the Confederates had planned to attack a couple of days earlier, but that massive storm had slowed them down. So the Union troops got lucky. Grant arrives about an hour and a half into the battle. Everyone attempts to get some kind of order into what's going on, which sort of works after a lot of shouting, I imagine. It became clear that the Confederates had missed their chance. into what's going on, which sort of works after a lot of shouting, I imagine. Yeah.

It became clear that the Confederates had missed their chance. The Union forces had not been pushed into the swampland. The Confederate general had been mortally wounded, and the Union reinforcements, the 20,000 men, then arrived at dusk. Wonderful. But it was far from over. Another storm came in, and more freezing rain came pouring down overnight. Oh, wonderful.

Lovely freezing rain. Sleet. Hail. Oh. Thousands were just lying on the battlefield, dead or dying, in this muddy, damp field. Grant sought some shelter, but the only shelter nearby was a hut, and that hut was being used as a surgery at the time. Nice.

Yeah, so, faced with the choice between cold rain or night, or the screams of men having their limbs hacked off, Grant chose the former. He stood in the doorway, just watched all this blood and carnage. I nip outside. I'll be all right. It's fine. That rain's actually quite refreshing now I think about outside. Oh, it's fine. That rain's actually quite refreshing now I think about it.

Nice and cooling. Yes. The next day dawns and the fighting resumed. In the end, over 20,000 men died. This is the bloodiest battle in all of American history up until this point. And I'll quote someone who was there. Death was in the air like poison plants on every foot of soil.

The light of the sun was obscured by clouds of sulfurous smoke, and the ground became mist and slippery with human gore. Arms, legs, and heads were torn off. Yeah, this was by far the worst battle that anyone had ever seen. And it was a draw. Oh. Not even a draw. Oh. Not even a no. Yeah.

Well, at least in terms of casualties, it was a draw. Both sides had lost roughly 10,000 men. Wow. Yeah. The Union, however, could claim victory, because this was a summon attack that had failed. But it had a heavy cost. And in the capital, in Washington,

people read the casualty list and were horrified and started wondering who on earth this general was who would lose so many men. Lincoln defended Grant, saying in our quote, I can't lose this man, he fights. But rumours of Grant's drinking popped up yet again. Hellock, probably seeing his opportunity to strike and still unsure about his subordinate, removed Grant. He was made second in command to Herlock, which was essentially just a powerless position. So he had no command anymore.

You were in charge of pencils. Yes, pretty much, yeah. Grant thought about quitting. He was not happy at all. However, his friend Sherman interceded and persuaded Grant to stay on. So that's fine. They'll realise that you're a good general and you need a command soon enough.

Don't quit. Have a bottle of whiskey. Yeah. Everything will look better after a bottle of whiskey. Now, eventually, Helic needing the good generals relented and did give Grant his command back. But it was touch and go for a while on whether Grant would stay. Anyway, next up on the list of things to do, which Grant's got. This is Civil War things to do list that he keeps in his pocket. Yeah, next up was Vicksburg. This is a city on the

Mississippi that has to be taken in order to gain the river. If this falls, then they'll probably be able to take the whole river. Yeah. Grant was charged with taking it. His first attempt was not a success. He marched south with 40,000 men, but Confederate forces managed to cut his supply and communication lines. Grant was suddenly forced to survive with no supplies. Realising that this was probably not a good idea, he decides to retreat.

This was embarrassing. He didn't even make it to the city. idea, he decides to retreat. This was embarrassing. He didn't even make it to the city. However, he learnt one thing, and that was he reckoned, push came to shove, he could actually survive out on the field without a supply line. Because he'd just been forced to do it for a while, and he thought, you know what,

I think we could survive on the land for a bit here. Yeah, that would give you sort of an image. Well, he was determined to learn from what had just happened. So he came up with a plan. Instead of marching from the north, the next time he would cross the river. North of the city. Obviously, you need all your boats to cross the river. It's the Mississippi. It's a big river.

So the army would be ferried across the river. They would then march south, completely skirt past the city unnoticed and wait south of the city on the wrong side of the river. Right. How do you get back across? Swim. Nah. Too big.

As Jeff Buckley found out. Catapults. Get some silver birches, bend them back. Yeah. Strap someone in. Boing! It's been tried and unfortunately you only get about halfway across the river.

Ah, they get you in my piranhas. Yeah, yeah. They tried it a few times and it was funny. No, unfortunately not. Jeff, we need you. No, so no swimming, no catapults. Float across in another way? Yes. Barrels? Boats.

What? Yeah. Use your boats to get across. Huh? What's the problem? No boats? Well, the boats are still north of the city. Oh, yeah. Easy fix. Just sail themself. Get past the city as quickly as possible, and

then pick the troops up. F ferry them all across the river again. So, like, cool the boats in branches so they don't notice these massive war boats sailing past. It's a union on the side. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I mean, that's the plan. Then they could advance on Vicksburg from the southeast

instead of the north, taking them by surprise. Meanwhile, just to keep the Confederate forces distracted and looking north, he would leave a group of cavalry making as much trouble as possible and making it look like Grant was still up there. So they'd just dash here, there, and everywhere, destroying train lines and telegraph lines and depots. Causing chaos. Pulling funny faces at the Confederate troops.

Things like that, yeah. So yeah, this was the plan. It was a dangerous plan. And if it failed, history would probably view Grant as an idiot. But the boats got through. Grant was able to cross the river south of Vicksburg and then didn't advance on Vicksburg. He actually decided to go to Jackson first,

which was the capital of Mississippi, where the Confederate commander of the Western Theater was. His name was Johnson. Tried to cut the head off the beast. Yeah. Jackson was captured, and then after winning a couple of battles that we're just not going to focus on because of time,

Grant then finally turned to Vicksburg itself. The siege lasted seven weeks. Wow. But eventually the city fell. Vicksburg itself. The siege lasted seven weeks. Wow. But eventually the city fell. Vicksburg was theirs, and with it, soon the entire Mississippi River. Lincoln was overjoyed by this. This had

happened roughly at the same time as the Gettysburg victory occurred, and Lee had just been defeated. So, good news at last. Lincoln sent a letter to Grant stating that he'd had doubts about Grant's tactics but in the end

Grant had proved that, and I quote here, that you were right and I was wrong. That's for a politician to admit that. That's amazing. Getting that from the President, that's pretty good. This was a glowing letter full of praise for Grant. Grant didn't even respond to it. No.

Splendid. Didn't really know what to say apart from thanks. Thanks. Anyway, Grant was once more promoted and took command of the entire Western theatre. More fighting took place and the Secretary War Stanton came to visit.

Stanton walked straight up to a doctor who was traveling with grant and shook his hand saying and i quote here how are you general grant i know you by sight from your pictures oh dear imagine there was an awkward pause for a while guessing the doctor looked a bit like grant but if he didn didn't, a thin reiki guy. Yeah. Pencil moustache. Yeah. Tattoo on his forehead that says, I'm not Grant.

It was embarrassing. Anyway, some more fighting occurs. A few more battles that, again, we're not going to get into, but just know that the Union wins and we're able to take control

of Tennessee and opened up Georgia to invasion. So they can now get down to Atlanta City and start attacking in that direction. But Grant had more important news than this, because he had just learnt that Lincoln was going to promote him to Lieutenant General. Ooh.

Lieutenant General is a rank that was last held by George Washington. Oh, wow. Yeah. And also, Grant was going to be given command of all Union troops. He is now in charge of everything. Considering just a few years ago, he was in charge of the volunteers in one state. He's done quite well. He has done quite well, yeah.

Not everyone was happy about this. His friend Sherman said, For God's sake and your countries, come out of Washington, come out west. Don't go to the east, we need you over here. But, I mean, obviously Washington is where Grant now needs to be. Yeah. So off he goes.

He met up with the president for the first time, who was very thankful to the general, who was actually winning things. And the two of them seemed to get on quite well. Ah, psycho donkey, meet the turkeys. Yeah, fun party. Anyway, Grant came across shy and awkward. He said very little,

but that did not damage his reputation too much. Everyone kind of saw it as proof that he was a doer and not a talker. Yeah. Yeah, strong silent type. Anyway, soon enough, Grant needed a plan for the war. He's in charge now, so it's time to make decisions. And he came up with a plan. It was quite a simple one.

It was very similar to Lincoln's plan, which was everyone attack everything until the Confederacy gives up. It's bombard and destroy. Yeah. Just keep piling on. We've got the troops. We've got the men. We've got the money. There is no the men, we've got the money. There is no way we can lose this as long as we keep fighting.

They will give up eventually, was generally the plan. Now, as we saw in Lincoln's episode, Grant then stayed in the East and attempted to take out Lee's forces in the hopes of ending the war. Lee had lost at Gettysburg, but he was still very much a force to be reckoned with and was still seen as the best general of the day. So Grant and Lee's forces were in almost constant contact for over a month. Battle after battle took place. Grant and Lee would engage, then Lee would retreat,

and keep his forces between Grant and the Virginian capital of Richmond. Just on and off, skirmish after skirmish. Grant moved his troops to a place called Cold Harbour, which was a railroad hub that linked up of Richmond. Just on and off, skirmish after skirmish. Grant moved his troops to a place called Cold Harbour, which was a railroad hub that linked up to Richmond. Lee had his forces in a defensive advantage, but Grant realised that Lee could only keep up fighting for so long. Keep chipping away at his men, he's going to find it hard to replace the men. So if they could just smash Lee's forces, one good attack, the war could be over.

So Grant made up his mind. Despite the fortified position Lee held, he was going to attack. Yes, he would suffer casualties, but it could end the war. Yeah. The battle lasted 13 days. Wow. Grant lost over 10,000 men. Oh.

Taking his total in the last month alone to 50,000. Wow, that is insane. Yeah. I can't even picture that. The Civil War got nasty. Gosh, it did. Yeah. Lee was not defeated but had lost 30,000 men

in the same period. So, you can argue the tactic was working, but at what cost? These casualty numbers were just insane. Grant said about this battle, and I'll quote here,

I regret this assault more than any I have ever ordered. In the North, many were horrified and again started to talk about Grant. The rumours of him drinking did the rounds once more and a new nickname emerged, The Butcher. A common image started cropping up

of him, of him calmly whittling away whilst everyone else was dying around him. This idea that he just didn't care how many men died as long as they followed his orders. He was losing popularity quickly. Now obviously he was under a tremendous amount of pressure at this time. You can argue that, yeah.

Yeah. But despite the pressure, all contemporary reports are that he kept his cool and he issued clear and concise orders throughout this period of the war. He never lost it, apart from once. Apparently, one day whilst riding down a Virginian road, he came across a man who was beating his horse over the head. Ooh. Apparently, one day whilst riding down a Virginian road, he came across a man who was beating his horse over the head. Ooh.

Yeah. You don't want to do that to Grant, the horse lover. Exactly. Grant jumped off his horse immediately, grabbed this man around the neck, and shook him, shouting at him. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. Psycho donkey just in the background with a club in his hoof. him, shouting at him. Rrrrrrrrrrrrr outburst, apparently Grant kept his cool and just kept issuing orders. Several more battles take place,

more towns are sieged, and thousands more people die. In the North, people were sick and tired of this war that seemed like it should be over by this point, but still the killing was happening more than ever. As we've seen, it was looking less and less likely that Lincoln was going to win the next election, as the casualties went up into the 60,000s.

And many started to think that Grant could not take out Lee. If Grant was the best we've got, then we've not got a general good enough to defeat Lee. However, it's at this point that Sherman managed to take Atlanta in September, and suddenly the nation's mood changed. Surely, this would mean that the war would be over soon. After looking like he was about to lose the election, Lincoln is then re-elected.

In April of 1865, Grant then ordered an assault on Lee's forces, who entrenched in a defensible position around Petersburg. However, the Union forces had just won a victory, severing the city's supply lines, and Lee was forced out of the city. After a Union victory, one of Grant's underlings told Grant, and I'll quote here, if this thing is pressed, I think Lee will surrender. Grant, overjoyed at this, sent this on to Lincoln, who read it and replied, hooray, let the thing be pressed. Nice. Yeah, it finally looked like the war was going to be over.

Grant wrote a letter to Lee, and I'll quote here, General, the results of the last week must convince you of the hopelessness of further resistance on the part of the Army of Northern Virginia in this struggle. I feel that it is so, and regard it as my duty to shift from myself the responsibility of any further effusion of blood by asking you the surrender of that portion of the Confederate Southern Army known as the Army of Northern Virginia.

Soon enough, he got his reply. Screw you! Not quite. General, I have received your note on this day. Not quite. General, I have received your note on this day. Though not entertaining the option you express on the hopelessness of further resistance on the part of the Army of Northern Virginia, I reciprocate your desire to avoid useless effusion of blood.

And therefore, before considering your proposition, ask the terms you will offer on condition of its surrender. Ooh. So, I'm not saying I'm going to surrender, but if I did, what are you going to offer? Grant replied that Lee needed to lay down his arms, and they should arrange a meeting to discuss the details of the surrender. This would just be far easier to do if we're not doing it via letter. Let's just meet up. Yeah. Again, Lee responded, I received at a late hour your note of today.

In mine of yesterday, I did not intend to propose the surrender of the Army of Northern Virginia, but to ask the terms of your proposition. To be frank, I do not think the emergency has arisen to call for the surrender of this army, but as the restoration of peace should be the sole object of all,

I desire to know whether your proposals would lead to that end. So again, I'm not saying I'm surrendering. No, but we could be peace. But we can talk about peace. He's changed his story though, hasn't he? He's changed his tactic. He went from, I might surrender, what your term is, to maybe not. Yeah, yeah.

This is Lee trying to give himself as much wiggle room as possible. Lee suggested that they do indeed meet up, though. We can meet up and we can discuss peace. What's peace going to look like? Grant sent back another reply stating that he's got no authority to talk about peace. Just surrender. Look, give up. You've lost. He then pointed out that if Lee was anxious for peace, like he claimed, perhaps surrendering would achieve it.

Just give up. He then ended his letter by saying, by the South laying down their arms, they will have peace. The meeting was then set at Appomattox Courthouse. Lee was dressed in a fine uniform Grant turned up in his, covered in mud the uniform he wore every single day some claim that this was a statement he was making

others point out that that's the only uniform he had anyway, the two talked briefly about their days in the Mexican war, and then after the small talk, Grant wrote out the terms of surrender. And Lee signed. The Civil War was over. Five days later, Lincoln was shot.

Yeah. Oh, wow. I didn't realise it was so fast. Yeah. And there you go. That is where we're going to end this episode. Interesting. In fact, that's almost the exact same way we finished Lincoln's episode.

Yes, it is Thoughts? Interesting guy Yeah Yeah He's like a doer rather than a talker You get the sense that he has some moral principles Yes

There are a couple of things that I will mention in Disgrace Gate That I didn't have time to cover this week That's fine But yeah Just know he's not perfect No that's fine And yeah those, just know he's not perfect. No, that's fine. And yeah, those accusations of him just not caring about his man.

Well, you can kind of see that. I mean, he's got the bigger picture in his head, which you kind of have to have, but 60,000 people. Any ideas how it does, President? I think I find it a struggle. Yeah? He's not really a politician, is he? No. No. A bit too blunt. Maybe too... Well, he's not... I don't know. I don't know. a struggle. Yeah. He's not really a politician, is he? No. No.

A bit too blunt, but maybe too... Well, he's not... I don't know. I don't know. No, fair enough. It's a bit of an enigma. You'll have to wait till the next time we record on a day that is hopefully cooler than this one.

We actually had to take a break halfway through recording this because we got too hot. Yeah. And we had to go and cool down. It's so hot. It's ridiculous thank you very much for listening this week you can download us on Popbean and iTunes

and follow us on Facebook and Twitter send us a message it's very nice if you do and until then all we need to say is goodbye Now, I've got an idea, right? For the boy's name. Oh, no. You're going to your religious archer. Oh, be quiet, woman.

I've got an idea. It's going to be Hiram. Hiram? That doesn't even make sense. What is that? It's an Old Testament name. It's a king from the Old Testament. Sounds like you'd sneezed. How about Odysseus? Oh, you've been reading your Greek novels again, haven't you, woman? I have indeed.

No, Odysseus is a stupid name. How about Enoch? Enoch? Yes. That sounds like you're clearing your throat out How about Telemachus? Really? Yes, Telemachus Is that even a name? Apparently

Mordecai Good solid name, Mordecai Mordecai sounds evil Poseidon Poseidon? The god of the sea? He could be a boater, you never know We're not having our grandson named after the god of the sea.

Okay, I'll tone it down. How about Moses? Moses? Yes. Well, it's sort of water-themed. I thought that's what you were going for. Well, like I said, let's tone it down. How about Zeus? Zeus? Yes. That's toning it up.

God of thunder? What? No, no. God, no. Awful, awful. Right, no. Ebrahim. No, you can't even say it. Gideon. No. Hosea.

No. Ira. Absolutely not. Isaac. You, Phyllis, I know. What's wrong with Isaac? It sounds strange. Jacob.

Jacob. Too common. Oh, fine, fine. Go on, then. You list some. Euromachus. You're making these, fine, fine. Go on, then. You list some. Um, Euromachus. You're making these up now, I swear. No.

Amphimios. No. No. Um, how about Calypso? What? Tesco. These are not characters from the Odyssey. Cornsasac.

You are now just saying sounds that you like the sound of, aren't you? Behemoth. No, no. Right, last one. We'll both say one at the same time. Okay, after three. After three. One, two, three.

Oblong. What? Oblong? It's got a nice sound to it. It sounds... We're naming our grandson, not Sound of the Week. Right, fine. We're just going to have to draw it from a hat, aren't we?

Okay. Well, I'm putting Ulysses in. Ulysses. Oh, God. It's a lovely name. I'm going for Hiram. I like Hiram. I met a Hiram once.

Good chap. Just if you'd pick out of the hat, that'd be wonderful. Here we go. Ah, yes! Ulysses has won! Oh, no. Ah, splendid. My glorious grandchild. Here we go Ah yes, Ulysses has won Oh no Ah splendid, my glorious grandchild Fine, fine, Ulysses it is

No, no, it's fine, I'll write it down on the birth certificate Do you want help with the spelling? No, no, I think I've got it The traditional spelling of Ulysses, I take it Yes, yes Yes, okay, here we go H-I-R-A-M. No!

Ulysses, the traditional spelling. No! I need to get a cold drink. I'm burning. Sorry.