American Presidents: Totalus Rankium - 19.1 Rutherford B Hayes

Episode Date: September 7, 2019

Rutherford B Hayes may not be the first name that comes to mind when you think of presidents, but he was the first with a good beard. He also, in his own words, was the sunniest man around. No event is too tragic for Rutherford not to meet with a smile and a note in his diary. Find out just what he was so cheerful about! 

Welcome to Totalus Rankium. This week, Rutherford B. Hayes. Part 1. Hello and welcome to American Presidents Totalus Rankium. I am Jamie. And I'm Rob, ranking all of the presidents from Washington to Trump. And here we are on episode 19.1. It's the president no one's talking about. It's Rutherford B. Hayes. Who? Yeah, it really is a case of who.

What do you know about him? Absolutely nothing. Oh, no, I can tell you. He did come after. Yeah. Well, he's the 19th president. Yeah. And he came after the last one, Andrew Johnson, who was awful.

Grant. Grant. Grant. A page has fallen out. That's a shame. Ulysses S. Grant that was it yeah yes

he's the 19th president the beard have you already forgotten about the beard oh yeah the beard yeah he's got a beard soldiery guy

they seem to be a habit of putting middle initials in at the moment yeah they do sometimes like that I think it started as a way to distinguish

between presidents with the same surnames or entirely the same names like John Adams and John Quincy Adams. Rutherford B. Hayes was after Rutherford A. Hayes. Yeah but I mean I don't know why Hayes gets a B. I'm not entirely sure but he does apparently. Nice. Yeah well let's. Right you ready to start? Are you ready to jump into this? I am ready. Okay right start with Start with... I'm going to let you choose. You can't do that. No, no. Just because you forgot to write one down.

I've got one. I've got one in my head, though. I forgot to write it. I certainly am winging it slightly this week, though. But it's like choose your own adventure. Turn to page four. Would you like to start with green or blue? Ooh. Bearing in mind this decides on whether we pan down or pan up. I like a pan down.

Let's start with blue. Okay. Start blue screen. A few clouds sort of wisp by. Wisp is now a verb. That's the sound it makes. Slightly disturbing, but yeah. Okay. The sun is shining

It's a nice clear blue sky Let's put some music in, actually Some nice calming music Yeah Why not? Let's go for that Pan down, pan down, pan down You see a rather dashing young man oh thank you yeah and uh he's he's got quite an impressive beard yeah good man and he sat just in a field weird

okay yeah and he's got in front of him a diary and it's open he's got a pen in his hand and he's just sat on the floor in full union uniform union uniform union attire yeah that sounds better doesn't it he's fighting for the north is what i'm trying to say yeah so he's there he's in his uniform he's writing occasionally he he sort of looks up at the sky his uh pen just like resting on his chin slightly he looks up and then just he smiles and giggles to himself a bit and then he waves his pen in the air as if to say, oh yeah, I've just remembered. And then he gets his pen and he writes again. Yeah, and then

he pauses again, he looks up a bit confused and then another smile. He's remembered something and he writes something. It's when he goes to write the second thing you just see something flash by the screen. That's weird, you're not entirely sure what that is. But it's fine. He's still watching the soldier with his beard. He strokes his

beard a bit. Another smile. Again, he's remembered another detail and he's writing in his diary. And then a couple of other things flash by the screen. But you're kind of ready for it this time. And you realise that they must be bullets. Because they're really small. And then from the right, you just see a man

in the same uniform just sort of stagger into shot and then just fall dead at this man's feet. And this man sort of looks up and smiles a bit, laughs, and then just writes something else out in his diary. And then the music's slowly fading and the sounds of the actual scene's coming up

and all you can hear is screams and explosions and eventually someone just runs into shot, grabs this guy, pulls him to his feet and says, for God's sake Hayes, we've got to get out of here! And then Hayes just smiles a bit Oh, come on

then, he says, and then just sort of gently pan back up in a floaty kind of way. The music can come back in. And then the clouds are shaped. Rutherford B. Hayes. And there you go. Oh dear. Oh dear, oh dear.

So there you go. That's our opening for this week. Gosh. It's not looking good for him, is it? What are you expecting now? Just an airhead. Just a... Gosh, it's not looking good for him, is it? What are you expecting now? Just an airhead. He's like somebody that accidentally became president later on.

It's like just pure chance. He just happened to walk into the meeting and sort of said, he shall be president. Well, we'll see, shall we? That's spookily accurate, isn't it? You might be being slightly unfair to him there. Or more to the point, maybe I've been slightly unfair to him there uh but yeah we'll see right we're gonna start with sophia britchard or britchard depending on how you pronounce that this is a descendant of a new england family born

in 1792 in vermont to a rich family and we know very little about her save from the fact that she was apparently and i quote here as sparkling as a mountain spring she had like a leak yeah she was carbonated burping farting problem yes general wind this is according to one of hayes contemporary contemporary biographers Yeah, this episode's kind of split into two The first half, I'll be heavily leaning on a biography written in Hayes' lifetime Which was just a bit ridiculous And the second half, I'm relying on Hayes' personal diary Which is even more ridiculous

Can't wait for this Yeah, anyway So one day in church, she met a man named, confusingly for us, Rutherford Hayes Jr. What? Yeah. Which is just confusing, considering obviously this is our Rutherford Hayes' dad. So we're just going to call him Daddy Hayes. Yeah.

Which is a very soul name, isn't it? Daddy Hayes. Yeah. So I think he was into his soul. Listen to this sax solo. Well, Daddy Hayes was descended from a long line of Presbyterians who had come over from Scotland, known for their soul in Scotland.

The names, in fact, Rutherford and Hayes both come from Scotland. So Scottish roots. McHayes, the McHayes clan. Yes, that's what they were known as. Now, Daddy Hayes is also very little known about. He was a clerk in a shop. We know that. And we know he owned a shop with his brother-in-law.

That's nice. Yes. He was also said to be kind-hearted but prone to depression. Aww. Yeah. Daddy Hayes and Sophia, however, soon wed and they decided to make their fortune by moving west to Ohio after the War of 1812. Now, I'm just going to go on a slight tangent here, because, interestingly, the biographer that I just mentioned, his name's Russell H. Conwell. He's writing this in 1876. Okay. Yeah. And he's got some interesting views,

has Russell H. Conwell. Yeah. And his attitude highlights a certain movement in America at this time. So this kind of gives you an idea of how people were thinking back then. Yeah, his ideas were that all Americans can get rich as long as they work hard enough. Oh, that's a familiar. Yeah, it's a view that hasn't necessarily gone away, bizarrely. No. Yeah. Well, Conwell writes that Daddy Hayes' desire to move west into Ohio was, and I quote here, one of those unaccountable freaks of human nature.

Call it western fever, a desire for change, or whatever one may, it remains as of yet an unexplained phenomenon. So he just doesn't quite know why he wanted to move. Yeah, why would anyone possibly move? If you want to get rich, you just need to work harder, damn it. Yeah. Yeah, well, as you can see, many well-off in America just couldn't understand that people wanted to escape their lives of difficulty. And Daddy Rutherford was one of them. He might have not been a pauper, he was doing all right, but he wanted to escape their lives of difficulty. And Daddy Rutherford was one of them. He might have not

been a pauper. He was doing alright. But he wanted to do better. There were opportunities in the West. So go and find them. Untapped resources. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, Daddy Rutherford and Sophia set off in a carriage with all their belongings. And with them went

two children, Fanny and Lorenzo. two very unfortunately named children there it's yeah it really is because if you're in america fanny's in a name for your bum isn't it yeah it's not in england no definitely not no it's another part of your anatomy well not your anatomy not not yours either no no let's just say you wouldn't get away with being called fanny in this country without schoolboys laughing at you. Yeah, that's true. And Lorenzo, however.

I mean, that's... Lorenzo. Lorenzo. It's pretty good. I quite like it. Anyway. He sounds the kind of name you smoke cigarettes. Maybe he did.

Little black thin cigarettes. Yeah, yeah. I'm Lorenzo. Yes. Yeah. He's got that soul attitude from his dad. Yes. Yes, he has.

Always wears a beret. Right, so you've got Daddy Rutherford, Sophia, Fanny and Lorenzo. You've also got Sophia's younger sister and an orphan child. Aww. An urchin. Maybe not an urchin. Yeah, her name was Ursula. She'd been taken into the family.

Kicking and screaming. Yeah, I mean, this was fairly... Hopefully not. It's fairly common the family. Kicking and screaming. Yeah, I mean, this was fairly... Hopefully not. It's fairly common back then. Mortality was high. You occasionally got orphaned children. Well, there's one. The state's certainly not looking after them

back in those days. So, yeah, families would just occasionally take children in. Nice. Yeah, it was nice. Now, if we can believe Conwell, the biographer, this trip lasted a suspicious, shall we say, 40 days and 40 nights. Oh, for goodness sake. Until eventually, after battling the weather

and the dangers of travelling in the early 1800s, they arrived in Delaware, Ohio, in 1817. So they arrive and Daddy Rutherford decided that instead of investing in a farm, which would be fairly standard then, he goes a different way. You're going to start liking Daddy Hayes a lot more. Ducks. Not ducks.

Distillery. Distillery. Whiskey! Whiskey, yes. Oh, what a guy. Yeah, he pours his money into a distillery. Hopefully not literally. It was an interesting tasting whisky. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, he paid into an existing distillery and then he started on construction of a family home and things actually pan out. Turns out people like their whisky. A year later, another daughter was born named Sophia, but unfortunately she died within a couple of years. After those couple of years, however, Daddy Hayes was doing quite well. Investments had worked out, he was making money, in fact enough that he was able to

start donating to things like the building of schools and churches in the area. So he was socially climbing, he was respectable. However, in 1821, malaria started to sweep through the state. And I'll quote here, the air was loaded with pestilence.

Funerals and burials were appallingly frequent. Death! I'm not sure how frequent funerals need to be to be appallingly frequent. The moment you're having to queue for the funeral. Oh! That's probably appallingly... Corpse in hand. Yes.

Yeah. So there's a lot of death. Probably not quite as much as we see in the Roman series when the plague hits. But it's going to be similar to that. Oh, yeah. A lot of people dying. And, unfortunately, Daddy Hayes was one of the people who died. Oh.

Yeah, leaving behind a pregnant Sophia and and little Fanny and Lorenzo, and the orphan Ursula, who Sophie had to increasingly rely on. Also in the house was Sophia's younger brother, Sardis, who helped with the children, provided some money, generally was a helping hand. Nice.

And it's just as well that Sophia had this help, because she then gave birth to a boy. Aww. Who she named Rutherford Burchard Hayes after, obviously, Rutherford and Burchard being her maiden name. Oh, okay. So, yeah. So he's Rutherford Hayes Jr. Jr.?

Yeah. Nice. Junior squared? Yeah. Dunno. Do you add all your times? I don't know. Square root of Hayes. That'd be original Hayes, wouldn't it? That'd be original Hayes. But that's grandpappy Hayes. Yeah. Oh, I'm confused now. Square root of Hayes. That'd be original Hayes, wouldn't it? That'd be original Hayes. But that's grandpappy Hayes. Yeah. Oh, I'm confused now.

Maths. Right. Little Ruddy, as they called him, which might have been a nice nickname, or maybe it was a case of that Ruddy baby. Keeps screaming, wanting food. Well, apparently, little Ruddy was a sickly child. Yeah, the neighbours apparently a few times asked each other

if, and I quote here, do you know if Mrs Hayes' baby boy died last night? Oh. Yeah, that was a frequent question in the morning, apparently. While she was there putting out a washing. I'm right here, you know. Yeah.

Well, apparently little Ruddy had a large head. Worryingly so. Did he droop? Oh, yeah. A friend of Sardis, the uncle, remarked, Why, in a year or two, he'll be all head. Gentle humour back then, wasn't it? Yeah.

Well, Sophia responded that her children knew a lot, hence the size of the head. Nice. However, some of the comments were a bit harsher than the friend of the uncle. One neighbour simply told Sophia, it would be a mercy if the child died. Bloody hell. For the child must die. I tell you, the child is not worth saving.

Imagine turning up to someone's christening. Middle of the church service, just stage whispering that to your wife. No, it's awful, isn't it? It is. Just imagine someone knocking on your door. It's like, hi, just brought some bread and some fruit round because I know you must be worn out. I have to go, oh, good God, what is that?

It's going to die. It must die. Put it out of its misery. Oh, it's a shame. People were horrible back then. They really were. See, nowadays we keep those thoughts in our head. Exactly.

Well, even Uncle Sardis remarked that it was indeed unlikely that Little Ruddy would make it to adulthood. Then again, it should be mentioned that all of these little stories come from Conwell, his biographer. And Conwell also inserted the obligatory remark from Sophia that Little Ruddy would be fine and, I'll quote her, I shall make him President of the United States yet when people told her that he was too sick to survive.

Oh, for goodness sake. Yeah, so there's a good chance all this is made up by Conwell, to be honest. But I like the idea. He's got something to overcome. Yeah, yeah. You've got to have something at the start, haven't you? He's the, what do you call it?

Not anti-hero, the unlikely hero. Yeah, so it might all be made up but I do love the idea that literally all of his neighbours just wanted to see him dead as soon as he was born. Just start selling traps and one takes from out in the push chair. Get it get it get it now. Just finding bear traps in the cot at night. Yeah. It's for his own good. Thank you when he's older. Or not. Yeah. Anyway, what's definitely not made up is that when little Ruddy was three years old, his elder brother Lorenzo was nine.

Brilliant. Got a nice picture of Lorenzo in your head? Yeah. Yeah? Lorenzo. Is he still smoking his little black cigarettes and wearing his beret? Yeah. Yeah? Lorenzo. Is he still smoking his little black cigarettes and wearing his beret? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, over the winter of 1825, the river nearby froze over and little nine-year-old Lorenzo rushed out to skate on the surface. It's fun. It is. Lorenzo, no!

The ice might be too thin! No, mummy. I laugh in the face of danger. I've become French. Well, Lorenzo was a daring boy, like some boys are. And, well, he started to show off a little bit. The river wasn't completely frozen over. There was like a hole in the middle where it hadn't quite frozen yet.

And the children were taken in turns to see how close they could get to the hole before they chickened out. So Lorenzo, being the daring boy he was, started to skate around the entire hole, like in a circle. And he got closer and closer with every circuit he made. Everyone was whooping and cheering. Yeah. He's loving every moment of it. Until at one point, his skates clip the edge. There was, and I quote here, a loud report, a crash, a scream, and Lorenzo went like a shot into the eddy beneath. Oh, the eddy.

That means he got carried away. Yeah. Well, he went under, but he did manage to pull himself back to the surface. Oh. And he grabbed on to the ice. But every time he grabbed the ice, it would break off. Oh, no. Yeah.

The other children, terrified, did what children do. Run away. They ran to get help. Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately, by the time an adult had been found and they returned, Lorenzo was nowhere to be seen. All the ice was hacked away by the adults that had arrived.

Eventually they found him, but he was frozen and dead. Sorry, I've really brought the mood down now, haven't I? We'll bring it back up now. Meanwhile, little Ruddy was starting to grow. Growing into his head, maybe. He struggled to play sports, however. He made very few friends. But he and Fanny got on very well.

So him and his sister looked out for each other, which is just as well because Uncle Sardis soon got ill and their mother went to go and look after him. So the children were sent to live with a cousin of Sophia's mother-in-law. So just a family member, distant family member. Little Luddy went to a local school where the teacher was known for being a tad strict, shall we say. He would flog his children's regularly. Oh. Yeah. Little Ruddy begged to be

taken out of the school. He hated it, but it was no good. That's the school you're going to. However, despite the treatment at the school, as he grew, his health improved. It's all those thrashings. Well, Beat the illness out of you. Well people stopped checking to see if he was still alive after he'd had a nap, that kind of thing. Things were getting better. And then in 1836 at the age of 14 little Ruddy finally escaped the school.

Was sent to a new school, a Methodist school. He missed his sister a lot but the school was much more to his liking. He'd learn interesting things rather than being hit with sticks. Yeah, well, that's... Yeah. Aids learning, I feel.

And he soon took to his studies well. He was writing essays on liberty and delivering eulogies, apparently. Well, at least he delivered one eulogy at the time, but it went down quite well. Good. Yeah. Round of applause.

Yes. He only stayed here a year, however, because then he was moved on to the Webb Preparatory School, where he learnt Latin and Greek. He was behind the others in the class, because he'd not done this before, but he was good at his studies, and he soon caught up. And it was not long before he was deemed well-educated enough to go to college.

He went to Kenyon College in Ohio between 1838 and 1842. And while he was there, he was apparently, get this, a model student. He did not get up to any of the mischief that we've seen from most of the former presidents at college. There were no amusing stories to tell about him. He just worked hard. Image of him just sitting in his little dorm, writing up his notes.

Like, he's rewriting his notes because he took them in the lesson, but they're too messy, so he's writing them out again. Yeah. And his student's carrying a cow behind him in the corridor. Yeah. Two chickens clucking after them. Just giggling to themselves. Yeah.

Rutherford looks up, turns around, smiles a bit, and then looks up a bit, waves his pen in the air. Oh, he's remembered something about the lesson goes back to writing there's like an almighty squelchy smashing sound

then all the students run back covered in like jelly but you don't get to see where they go because we're with Rutherford aww yeah

so we're just going to stay with him making his notes then you hear someone shout party we don't get to see what happened there look at that it's! We don't get to see what happened there. Look at that, it's amazing!

We don't get to see it. This could change the world! If someone talked about this on a podcast, it would be brilliant! You hear, just in the distance. Yeah. Yeah. But no, we're with Rutherford. That's what we're doing.

Good. Yeah. While he was at college, he studied hard and he became known for having, and I quote, a very favourable character. Splendid. Yeah. He founded a friendship group. Just put a little post-shot.

Friendship group starting first Tuesday of every month. Bring biscuits and water. Do you want to know what that's in water do you want to know what their motto was please friendship for life oh for how is he not bullied because he's just too nice people will try and bully him and he just smiles slightly and then make a note of it in his diary. Probably bullied today for five minutes. Most pleasant. So you go to that first friend, but seeing no one will turn up for the first, like, six weeks. But he's fine with that.

Yeah, he's happy. Yeah. Then somebody turns up by accident, but they feel obliged, they feel they've got to stay. And Rutherford's like, we're now best friends. And the guy's like, but what do we do in this club? Just sit. Rutherford just points at the motto.

So, that's what he gets up to in college. He did get into politics. In particular, he followed the Whigs and what was going on with the Whigs. But there are no stories attached to that. Or at least none that I found. He graduated when he was 20. He was obviously valedictorian and spoke at the graduation generally about how great the school

was and how wonderful life is. He leaves college. Obviously his plan is to do what everyone did back then if you had enough money to do so and become a lawyer. Yes. And after graduating he read at the law office of Sparrow and Matthews in Columbus.

However, his uncle was determined. If Rutherford was going to learn the war, and actually he's doing really quite well here, then let's make him do it right. And the world was changing. More and more it was becoming important that lawyers not only passed the bar on the nod and the wink of an experienced lawyer, but also it was becoming important that they have the right education.

And for Rutherford, that meant Harvard. So, Rutherford's uncle put some feelers out and managed to secure a place for Rutherford in Harvard. Nice. However, if Rutherford had found Kenyon a pleasant place to be, he found Harvard exactly the same. It was really nice there.

Oh. Yeah, unquote. The advantages of law school are as great as I expected to find them, and the means of passing the time pleasantly greater. So that's nice. Yeah. Everything's nice. He'd get up at six.

Good. He'd exercise. Splendid. He'd go for a run. Yeah. Yeah. One of those, you just see them running in the morning and go, how? What are you? Oh, God, I want to kill you. It made those you just see them running in the morning and go how? What are you? Oh god

I want to kill you. You make me tired just by looking at you. It's too much effort to lift the coffee to my mouth and I'm starting to watch you run. But yeah he'd do that. So yeah he'd exercise. He'd break his fast which I'm guessing is how he said it.

Oh no. He'd stop in the corridor jogging on the spot whilst he's talking to you. Ah, good morrow, good sir. Just off to break the fast. Care to join me? No. Sod off. Yeah, and then he'd give you a little jaunty salute and then he'd jog off again. Tally-ho.

Yeah. Then, after breakfast, he'd study law and German throughout the day. Then moot court until seven. I'd sit around, discuss things. Then, at seven, he'd write up his notes for the day. Right, yes. See, you were spot on there. Occasionally, he'd rescue a puppy or save an orphan from a well, I imagine.

Because there are no stories from Harvard either. He just worked hard. However, we know a couple of things he did. When he was in Harvard, he saw some of the great men of the day speaking. He saw Webster speak, along with John Quincy Adams. He considered John Quincy Adams a little extreme on the old slavery issue, but he was still very impressed. Then, after three semesters in Harvard, he finished in 1845.

Then he passed the bar in Ohio and settled into the city that was going to be known as Vermont. He moved there because his uncle lived there, and it's good to be near your supportive uncle. Yeah. Yeah. Your familial associations. Yeah, and also it's a small enough city

that he might be able to spread his wings as a lawyer a bit more. You don't want to go into the big cities as a new lawyer. No one would hire you. So that's where he goes. He sets up his firm and he goes to work. In 1847, he got a sore throat. Yeah. What?

He got a sore throat. He felt a bit ill. He wrote to his mother to tell her about this. I'll quote here. I did not tell you initially because I did not wish to give you trouble. That for some time I've been suffering from a sore throat. Brought on, as the doctors say, by confinement. So there you go.

1847, sore throat. You've not written it down in your notes. Well, we're at 1847, but I'm quickly stopped as soon as you said what the hell it notes. Well, I wrote 1847 but I quickly stopped as soon as you said what the hell it was. Well, he also wrote... It's a busy year. Well, there is a bit more. He also wrote, I'm afraid more clever, companionable fellows are going

to Mexico than will be left behind. See, the date should have rang a bell. The Mexican War. Yeah. So, he's worried that he's going to be left and be lonely in the city because everyone else is going off to this war. Friends forever? Exactly.

He's started up the friendship group and he's worried everyone's going to leave. Sorry, Hayes, I want to stay for the friendship group, but there's a war on. I've got to go. Well, he carries on the letter. I am strongly tempted to go to Mexico with them. A year's absence from the office would probably give me a solid constitution, besides the experience in a new and strange sort of life that I should get. The principal difficulty will be in obtaining such an appointment as I want.

I prefer a lieutenancy to any other appointment, but I fear I'm too late. When I began this letter, I thought there was no chance at all of getting a commission, but I fear I'm too late. When I began this letter, I thought there was no chance at all of getting a commission, but there is some hope for it. I learn by the promotion of one of the officers in our company. Now, do not say a word about this to anyone, the Gilberts especially, for I might not go at all, etc., etc. I'm actually quoting that there. Wow.

But seeing as I can't be a lawyer, I guess I'd best be a soldier. So he gets a sore throat and he decides the best cure would be to go to war in Mexico because it would give him a better constitution. Right. How did he become president? Actually, how? We'll find out. However, in the end, he decided against going to Mexico and being a soldier.

Instead, he went on holiday to Texas. Shall I go to Mexico and be a soldier? i could just head most of the way there and uh i hear texas is lovely this time of year yes anyway feeling a bit better he got over his sore throat he headed back home and decided to move to cincinnati he moves around a lot doesn't he oh yes he loved to travel and this is something you won't really get a sense of in this and the next episode, fortunately, because if I had to stop every time he went for a tour of half the country, it would just be a big long list of times he went off just travelling. But throughout all of this, yeah, he'd just pop off for like two, three months at a time

to just go and see the Niagara Falls or something. Yeah. Yeah, making notes about it in his diary and smiling and greeting everyone as he went, I think. Nice. Anyway, so he's in Cincinnati now, and in 1850 he opens a law office and started his business properly.

And he waited for custom. And waited. And waited. Oh, dear. Yeah, well, it's hard for young lawyers to get anywhere. There's so many of them, it's like the lawyers are out of your ears. He probably shouldn't have called himself the Smiley Happy Lawyer Company. The Friends Forever Lawyer Company.

Yes. But eventually he did manage to get a client, and he earned $5 defending a coal trader, which is nice. Five whole dollars? Five whole dollars. Just count them. Just do it slowly. Now, this was just the first step.

Slowly but surely, his business did start to pick up. He's got a break. Because he was able to defend a murder case. Ooh. Oh yeah. Now this is actually a really tragic case where a girl poisoned an entire family she worked for. Unfortunately, it's really hard to tell, with all the biases and false reporting that goes on,

but it would appear that this girl had some sort of disability and was not very well understood and not treated well, and she killed everyone. Ah. Yeah, a bit grim. But good news for Hayes. Yeah, every cloud. Yeah. That's what he said But, good news for Hayes. Yeah. Every cloud. Yeah. That's what he said. Just know

in his diary, splendid news. Well, um, yeah, the girl was sentenced to death, but Hayes was able to appeal and got this to the Supreme Court and argued that she was not responsible for her actions because she was insane. Her father was a drunk who had committed suicide and her mother was

convinced she was a Mormon prophetess. Yeah. So, clearly she's insane as well, essentially, was the argument. And that was good enough. The jury found her guilty, but the sentence was reduced from a death sentence to being placed in an insane asylum in the mid-1800s. Oh dear. Yeah.

I think I know which one I'd prefer, to be honest. Yeah. So, awful, but... Brotherhood walking away. Job well done! Wonderful. Well, he got a bit of a reputation. He managed to spare the life of someone.

Well done there. Possibly, yeah. Who knows, as long as you don't look into the details. Yeah. But this case put his name out and about in Cincinnati, and he was able to get a couple more murder cases. The next one, a man had poisoned his whole family. Yeah, it's obviously common back in Cincinnati.

Do you think it ever came to the point where he just started to poison families and framing somebody just so he'd get a case? Big smile on his face. Yeah. Ah, drink this! Well, he was able to get this defendant's sentence reduced from death to life in prison. So he was getting a name for himself, he was. He was reducing sentences.

It helped that the star witness for the prosecution died suddenly halfway through the case. Which is a sentence that I read in a book and immediately went, Oh, really? I've got to find out more about this. And try as I might, I could got to find out more about this. And try as I might, I could not find any more information about that. So I don't know whether it was suspicious or not at all suspicious.

And there is absolutely no link at all to Hayes. Oh well, apparently not. No, there wouldn't be. He's too nice. He's too nice. Too exciting. The other case, however, was not so successful. His third murder case, the defendant was found guilty and executed.

Hayes was not happy when he went to watch execution. It upset him quite a bit. That's not the kind of stuff he imagined doing when he founded the Happy Lovely Friendship Group. No. No. Because that guy had joined as well. Oh dear.

However, there was some good news, because Hayes had met someone. In fact, he was quite popular with the ladies. Ooh. Yes. Because he had quite a positive attitude to life. He was friendly. And he was also quite the looker at this age. And in fact, I'm going to do

something I don't usually do. I'm going to show you a photo of him. What? Right now. Because this isn't the one we're judging him on because it's not his official portrait. But just so you get a sense of what he looked like back then. And if you're listening, just Google Young Hayes or Young Rutherford B Hayes

and you'll find this photo. Here we go. Oh, wow. Yeah. He's a pretty good looking guy, isn't he? I'm getting lost in his eyes. I mean... Big puppy eyes. He puts Franklin Pierce to shame, frankly. Oh, he's nothing. Yeah. I mean, that is one good looking president.

Look at those eyes. Yeah. He's so kind. What a kind face. So friendly. Yeah. Just imagine that face with the happy-go-lucky personality we've come across. Yeah. He'd be quite a catch, wouldn't he? Yeah. Yeah. His little friends throw a badge. Yes.

However, Hayes had been busy trying to build up his career when he had little time for the attention he was getting. He apparently even made up a woman that he was promised to in Columbus just to keep the women at bay. What the hell? Yes. He's like, sorry, no, I've got a girlfriend in Canada. I couldn't possibly. I think it's like sorry no i've i've got a i've got a girlfriend in canada i couldn't possibly i think it's like a scene from night of the living dead these women just like throw

themselves at the door to his lawyer shop yeah um you know it's like no i can't back against the window i'm so sorry genuinely terribly sorry i really hate to put you all out. Take me now! No, no, I really can't. Well, he was like this, but then he was approaching 25 and his career had started to take off, so he starts to think about settling down with someone. And I will quote, and just a slight aside, this is the first sentence I found of his personal diary, and this is when I realised, oh, wow.

Maybe this guy's not as boring as I thought. Right, and I'll quote, uppermost in the medley of ideas that are rolling around under my hair is that before the year rolls around, I'll get myself a wifey, or at least a sweetheart, if I can find one that agrees with me that I am one of the sunniest fellows in the world. Oh my god. That's sickly.

I know. You know when you have like a big chunk of icing just a bit too much? Yeah. Ugh. Wifey? Yes, wifey. If she agrees with me, I'm one of the sunniest fellows in the world. You can just imagine him writing this in his diary with a big smile on his face.

Oh my god. Well, the first woman to catch his eye after deciding this was Fanny Perkins. Someone he had known for quite a while and things had started off quite well. He called on her often and they got on. And the rumour that she was already involved with a Harvard student, she assured him, was just not true. However, after he proposed, Fanny made it clear that she wanted him to move to Connecticut. Sir Hayes calls it off.

Oh. Yeah. He likes to travel though, doesn't he? Well, I'll quote, I could not get her without more feeling and trouble than was to my tastes. Was worth it. Yes.

Fanny soon married that student from Harvard instead. Yeah. Wow. What a lovely way of putting it though. Well it was not long before Hayes met Lucy Ware Webb and then Frances Kelly. Both young ladies were intelligent and attractive and caught his eye.

But after some deliberation, he decided on Lucy in the end. And again, I'll quote, It is no use doubting or rolling it over in my thoughts. By George, I'm in love with her. So off we go. I hope you're enjoying the quotes from his diary, because believe me, there's a lot more. I kind of am in a...

You know that fascination when you see a car accident? Yeah. A bit like that. Yeah. Well, sure enough, he made his feelings known to the young lady when he was sat in front of her in a rocking chair one day. He suddenly leaned forward and grasped her hand and declared, and I quote,

I love you. Ew. There was a pause. Oh dear. Hayes then repeated his declaration and then Lucy replied, I must confess, I like you very well. Oh.

Burn. Yeah. In his diary, Hayes takes this very well. I think we're an item. A queer, soft, lovely tone, it stole the very heart, and I, without losing her hand, took a seat by her side. Just got the impression Lucy's going, oh. You didn't get the hint. You've got the looks, but is there much going on in between the eyes there? What's he thinking now? Sunshine, little pops and me.

Over the next few months, however, they write to each other more and more. And eventually, they get married in 1852. So. Her weeping at the married in 1852. So. Her weeping at the altar. She was so happy. No, apparently Lucy was very much into it by this point. But it was a rocky start that I can't help but feel that Hayes just didn't notice. Yeah. Within a year, they had a boy named Burchard.

In total, they'd have eight children, although only four boys and one girl survived to adulthood. So now, he's got a family and a business and he's doing well, so he starts to do what most men of means did at the time, get into politics. Yeah. Now, he'd always been a Whig, and in 1852, he became an enthusiastic supporter of General Scott, who had been nominated to run against Franklin Pierce. As we have seen, however, this was not to be

and Pierce wins. We've also seen that the Whig party starts to collapse and to fight against the compromise of 1850, various parties start to spring up, including the Republican party. Hayes started helping to organise the Cincinnati branch of this new party, although

there was some debate on whether it's the Republican party. If you remember, I did say during an episode covering this time that some parties just called themselves the Opposition or the Other Party. Sort of vague names, and they weren't really sure if they were linked, so there is

some debate on whether he was declaring himself a Republican, but that's certainly the direction he's going in. And then in 1856, he was offered a nomination for a judgeship. So he's doing really well. However, Hayes declined, suspecting that he would lose the election. I mean, you need to be elected to be the judge. He didn't think he'd win it, so he didn't go for it.

And then there was some terrible news. His sister Fanny died, giving birth to twins. And I'll quote Hayes here. The dearest friend of childhood, the affectionate advisor, the confidant of my life, the one I loved best, is gone. Alas, never again to be seen on earth. My heart bleeds and the tears flow as I write. Oh, that's quite heartfelt.

That is heartfelt, isn't it? Imagine loads of, like, water stains on that page. Stains that he then plays with the teardrops and just turns it into a smiley face. As soon as he closes his diary, smile again. Whistles and just walks out. Sunshine, I love sunshine. In 1858, he got his first political office. After the incumbent died, he was made the city solicitor,

which paid twice as much as a judgeship. So he'd made the right choice when he turned out of the judgeship. And over the next couple of years, he did a good job. And his popularity rose within the city. So he starts getting his name out and about. He's now very much a man of means. However, due to political tides changing, he lost the job in 1860. But of course, by this point, most thoughts were on the upcoming problems in the country.

It was looking more and more likely that civil war was about to break out. And I'll quote here, Yet I feared disunion and civil war less than compromise. By this time, he was firmly in the anti-slavery camp. He figured that the country could eventually get over a civil war, less than compromise. By this time, he was firmly in the anti-slavery camp. He figured that the country could eventually get over a civil war, but they could not get over slavery unless it was got rid of. He is a nice person, isn't he? Yeah. However, he could not help but feel that if the southern states wanted to go, then let them. The north was better off without them. Hayes starts the war thinking, all we need to do is have a small war

over where the border's going to be, and then we'll just have two countries. Oh. Yeah, that's his opinion. Cut and dry. Yeah. Once the war broke out, it was not long before Hayes decided

that he needed to join up and fight. So he joined as a volunteer. Gosh. Low rank. And almost immediately was offered the role of Major. Oh, no. Yes. We should attack them with smiles and goodwill.

Well, to be fair, he was offered the role of Major due to his vast experience of knowing the right people. Yes. Yeah, so, I mean, it wasn't based on nothing. Well, no, of course not. No, there was a reason, just a bad one. Same reason I'm a co-host of a Roman podcast. I know the right person. Exactly.

See, it works. Well, Hay spent a month training overseeing a group of resentful men. They weren't too happy. They weren't happy because they hadn't been able to promote one of themselves to the role of Major. And this young upstart just sort of

saunters in. Yeah, with his sunny disposition and no experience. But, to be fair, he had recently grown a fairly spectacular beard. Nice. Yeah, so he's still fairly young at this point, but he's now got the nice big beard. It's like down to this

mid-chest area. It's a good long beard. So at least he gets some points for that from the men, I imagine. However, he did gain some respect when he wrote to the War Department demanding better weapons than they currently had. So, okay, at least he's going to argue for us,

the men thought. Hayes wrote to a friend of his at the time. So far, this is great fun. I enjoy it as much as a boy does the 4th of July. He was able to get Lucy's brother a position as the regimental surgeon, and then the regiment was ordered to what was about to become West Virginia to guard the Baltimore and Ohio railroads. Now, this was not the first and foremost battlefields of the war.

In fact, Hayes rarely is in the thick of the most important fighting in the war. But it was an area closely watched by those in Ohio. So all throughout the war, as Hayes becomes more important, people back in his home state are seeing his name a lot. He does wow out of this war, as we will see. So in September, Hayes got his first taste of actual warfare when the regiment encountered the Confederates at Carnifex Ferry. There was a skirmish that resulted in a strategic win for the Union side.

Hayes led his men into pockets of fighting, losing a handful of men, but generally did quite well, and he was commended for his actions. Does all right. Nothing huge, but does okay. Yeah, more than I'd be able to do. Yeah.

Well, he kept in contact with Lucy who was very interested in the political goings-on in Washington. She wasn't happy with Lincoln. He didn't seem to be doing enough to free the slaves and even reversed Fremont's emancipation order. Hayes, however, wrote back to his wife saying along the lines of Lincoln's the safest pair of hands we've got.

We should support him. I'm sure he's a good chap. He has a good beard. Well, no, he has a beard. Yeah. Well, Hayes, you'll be amazed to learn, was actually quite optimistic about the war. Yeah.

Yeah. He figured the South would be giving up any day now. Oh, oh. Yeah. Be here by Christmas. Well, definitely. In fact, he was fairly sure that the whole Union could be put back together without too much trouble,

as long as England didn't interfere. So he was even starting to think, we don't need two countries. This will be over in no time. He was then given the position of judge advocate and was promoted to lieutenant colonel. Wow. He found his duties as a judge advocate, I quote here, great fun. Oh, for goodness sake.

He also enjoyed being a colonel and the responsibilities that that gave him. Lucy was pregnant. That's incidental. That's not one of her duties. Yeah, Lucy was pregnant and he wanted to return home once she gave birth to a son, Joe. However, he was forced to remain with his regiment as a build-up of Confederates in the area was worrying the War Department, so he was being kept away from his regiment as a build-up of Confederates in the area was worrying the War Department, so he was being kept away from his family a bit. He soon realised, however, that the war was not, in fact, nearly over at all. This was going to last a bit longer than he thought it would.

So he continues his service, and he was involved in various raids against the Southern forces. Then, in Petersburg, he was attacked by 4,000 Confederate soldiers. A bullet grazed him. I know. Not his beautiful eyes. No, no, it's fine. Oh, thank goodness. It's only a slight graze. But he was able to retreat his men in excellent order, apparently. Then the regiment moved to a flat-top mountain where things cooled down for the men a bit. So they went for a bit of a period of heavy fighting, but everything just chilled out. They were away from the front line. Hayes would awaken at five, he'd eat, then he'd visit the brigade headquarters and discuss politics

with the other officers for a bit. Then he'd read until dinner, and then he'd go horse riding in the evening. And then there was a bit of time for chat in the evening, and then bed. What? Yeah, that's what he did for a while. Yeah. Did he drink alcohol? No. We're coming to that. Didn't think so. However, this reprieve did not actually last that long. Hayes was then ordered to take six companies to Green Meadows to lead some raids into the enemy land. After a couple of weeks of this, he was promoted to colonel. Yay. Yes, he's on the fast track. However, that meant moving regiments and leaving the men that he'd gotten used to behind. So he hesitated, and he did not accept the promotion right away. Before he could decide what to do, he was ordered east to join Pope's army, currently stationed in Maryland.

When they arrived, there was a general named Reno who started shouting at Hayes' men because the men were taking straw out of a sack and using it as bedding and to feed the horses. This Colonel Reno started shouting at the men, and I'll quote him here, you damned black sons of b****es. Yeah, that's not nice. Guessing that's as in dark character, but it could just be racism. I think it's racism. Probably just racism. Hayes won some respect from his men when he told the general that he saw no problem with what his men were doing. And I will quote a letter that Hayes wrote afterwards. I talked respectfully, but firmly.

Told him that we'd always taken rails, for example, if needed to cook with. That, if required, we would pay for it. He asked me my name, and I asked him his. All respectfully done on my part. Well, Reno then apparently calms down slightly, but then Hayes said, well, I trust our general will exhibit the same energy in dealing with our foes that they do in the treatment of their friends. Reno bristled and then demanded to know what Hayes meant by that. And I'll quote here, nothing, at least I mean nothing disrespectful to you.

Now, you think this is Hayes being a bit sarcastic, giving a bit of lip, but no. No, because if you then read the letter on a bit, I will quote, the fact was I had a very favourable opinion of the gallantry and the skill of General Reno,

and I was most anxious to act as to gain his goodwill. So you get the feeling him saying, I hope you treat your foes with the same energy as your friends, he was probably trying to compliment him in a really bad way. Anyway, Reno then set off in a huff, and Hay's men gave out a loud cheer, because they all assumed he was just being sarcastic. Hayes turned around a little bit confused but

smiles back at him. The men are cheering. Well before long the story had spread that this conversation had taken place with Reno's hand on his pistol and with Hayes in front of men pointing guns. I mean the story just ballooned into this tale of a standoff.

You'll never guess what I saw. Yeah, exactly. This did no harm to Hayes' reputation with his men. Reno later suggested that colonels be arrested if their men stole any provisions. Yeah. Yeah. Reno walked away from this not happy at all. So, yeah, Hayes standing with his men goes up.

Anyway, they had arrived too late to help out Pope during the Second Battle of Bull Run, which is what he was aiming for. So his troops joined the Army of the Potomac as it headed north to cut off Robert E. Lee. They met some slight resistance as they travelled, or, as Hayes put it, and I'll quote here, had a little skirmish getting in,

a beautiful scene, and a jolly time. Oh, for goodness sake. Have a jolly time in war. Oh, just wait. His regiment was on the front lines when they encountered the Confederate forces at the Battle of South Mountain. Hayes led a charge against an entrenched enemy.

He was ordered to take his men and get round the rebel right and take out their gun battery. This was going to be a fierce battle and Hayes and his men are on the front line. Yeah. get round the rebel right and take out their gun battery. This was going to be a fierce battle, and Hayes and his men are on the front line. Yeah. An important part of the battle.

I'll quote Hayes again. All of these are from letters that he's writing to relatives after the fact. After being given the order to take out the gun battery, Hayes answered, And if I find six guns and a strong support, the answer was, take them out anyhow. So, do or die mission. So, Hayes sets off with his men. And I quote,

We pushed through bushes and rocks and over broken ground towards the enemy. He came across the enemy and charged at them. Now, this was dangerous. Yeah. Yeah, this was fairly open ground ground and they were first in. And sure enough, Hayes was shot. Almost immediately. A bullet tore

through his upper arm. Yeah. I will quote him. I felt a stunning blow and found a musket ball had struck my left arm just above the elbow. Fearing that an artery might be cut, I asked a soldier near me to tie a handkerchief above the wound. Fearing that an artery might be cut, I asked a soldier near me to tie a handkerchief above the wound.

If you wouldn't so mind. I soon felt weak, faint, and sick at the stomach, so I lay down and was pretty comfortable. Balls passed near my face as they hit the ground around me. That's just from the falling soldiers. So he's there just woozy, lying in a pool of his own blood, his bullets are just... ..hitting the ground all around him. He then realised that his men were about to be outflanked.

As he's lying there, he can see the Confederate troops moving round this side of his men. Again, I'll quote, I called out to Captain Drake, who was on the left, to let his company wheel backwards so they could face the threatened attack. The company heard him and indeed swung around, leaving Hayes lying on the ground in the middle of the Union Confederate forces.

So the shift of the men meant he's suddenly right in the middle of two lines. Oh, hello. A fresh round of fighting broke out as Hayes lay in his blood. I quote, The firing continued pretty warm for perhaps 15 or 20 minutes. Pretty warm. Pretty warm as the bullets were just flying over his head. It's a lukewarm battle.

Then eventually the firing stopped. All the smoke of the gunfire meant it was hard to see what was going on and Hayes couldn't figure out what had happened. So he called out, Hello? Twenty-third men? Are you going to leave your colonel here for the enemy? Suddenly, through the smoke, a group of men shoot forward, telling him that they would carry him wherever he ordered. But that gave away their position, and some of the Confederate troops suddenly realised that they were all there. So a fresh round of firing suddenly starts up.

Hayes told the men that they would get him shot as well as themselves and they needed to retreat, so the men ran backwards. So Hayes is still in the middle of the battle, lying, bleeding. So he decides to have a chat with a wounded Confederate soldier next to him. Ah, hello good chap. A quote. I gave him messages for my wife and friends in case I should not get up again. We were right jolly and friendly.

It was by no means an unpleasant experience. So, um, going anywhere nice on vacation this year? That does look like a town. I've been shot here, look. Yes. Oh, dear. No, that bit shouldn't come out, should it? Shortly afterwards, a Lieutenant Jackson came up to Hayes.

He insisted upon taking me out of the range of the enemy's fire. Just imagine this Lieutenant just running up to him. For God's sake, Hayes! Just move! Crawl! He was taken to a nearby village where he was provided for by a family, and he wrote four days later, Here I lie, nursing my shattered arm, as snug as a bug in a rug.

Oh, for goodness sake. No. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. He really is George in Blackadder, goes forth, isn't he? He really is. He really is. Anyway, the war continues.

To Hayes' delight, Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation, and then he accepted that promotion to colonel that he was unsure about. But because various people had moved around or been killed, he no longer needed to move regiment, so he could stay with his men and be promoted, which pleased him. Now, by this point, he was recovered and he was back leading his men. He was involved in various other raids and skirmishes, and he did fairly well in all of them. However,

then some bad news. His baby son Joseph had died while he and Lucy were visiting. Hayes had barely seen his boy. I mean, remember, he couldn't get home to see the birth or anything. Yeah. So he hadn't really seen much of him. And he was more distressed on how this affected

Lucy and her mother. I quote him, I have hardly seen the boy, and hardly had a father's feelings for him. To me, the suffering of Lucy, and still greater sorrow of his grandmother, are the chief afflictions. Aww. Lucy soon left to be with family, obviously visiting the army camp's not the best

place for her to be. Nope. I quote, The visit has been a happy one. Yeah. Saddened, though it was, by the death of our beautiful little Joseph. In brackets. Lucy has been cheerful since. Remarkably so. But on leaving today without him,

she did burst into tears on seeing a little child in a boat. Apart from that, everything's fine. Back to normal. Yeah. Oh, wow. Anyway, Hayes threw himself back into his command. Again, he spent his time chasing down Confederate raiders and raiding Confederate supplies.

Victories at Gettysburg and Vicksburg only heightened his optimism for the war. It would soon be over. Then General Scammon, the general whom he'd fought under most of the war, was captured by the South. Hayes found this most amusing. I must be cautious what I say, but to you I can write that his capture is the greatest joke of the war. General Scammon's greatest point was his caution. He bored us all tremendously with his extreme vigilance. Here he is caught in the greenest and most inexcusable way.

The enemy's captured our generals. What a laugh. Spiffing. Such larks. After this, Hayes spent his time dealing with the problem that most men in his regiment were about to leave due to their enlistment being up. Hayes, being really quite popular with his men by this point, was able to persuade three quarters of his men to re-enlist. Yeah. Long gone are the days at the start where people were resentful at him being inexperienced. He's got the experience and his men now love him.

That's impressive. Yeah. For an absolute lollipop. He is a lollipop, isn't he? He really is. It's impressive. Yeah. For an absolute lollipop. He is a lollipop, isn't he? He really is. It's a good word. Now, by this time Hayes ran four regiments and served under General Gregory Crook in the Army of West Virginia.

Hayes got on with General Crook a lot, so much so when their next child is born, he's named George Crook Hayes. Really gets on with this general. We need to ask, why's named George Crook Hayes. Really gets on with this general. Lucy, we need to ask, why is his surname Crook? Oh, I don't know. Middle name, to be fair.

Anyway, again, not long afterwards, Hayes saw some more action. The army took out some salt and lead mines held by the Confederacy. And then after this, a battle took place at Chloëd Mountain. May your chips be unseasoned. Exactly. And the Confederacy were no longer able to season their chips with lead after that. This next battle started, and again I can quote, A fine artillery duel between our guns on the high ground of the west side of the river and theirs on the east. The rebel effort was to keep our men from firing on the bridge. It was soon done. A fine scene

it was. My band playing throughout it all, and the regiments marched onto the beautiful hills, hurrahing and enjoying the triumph. On a lovely afternoon, the beautiful heights of the new river was covered with our regiments, watching the burning bridge. Splendid. Yeah. Hayes was particularly proud that he managed to keep his band intact. The other three bands all broke down early. Ours kept up and played their best on all occasions. They alone played the burning on the bridge,

and today we came into camp to their music. Oh. You just know that, to Hayes, the band is the most essential part of the army. That's what holds the morale together. Yeah. Come on, lads. Right, soldiers, we're going to form a ring around the band so they are protected. Now join arms.

Don't forget to smile. One, two, three, skip two, three. And you just know everyone who's all the recruits in today's army just start just so jaded and what the hell is this? And then you flash three weeks on. Everyone's joining in. Yeah. Yay. Let's go.

They prance into war. He's got the whole world in his hands. Yeah. Happy times. Hayes was not happy, however, that other regiments in the Union were more than happy to pillage and plunder the farms of the areas that they had taken. He felt like his regiment was definitely doing better. Less pilfering going on. Yeah. We're the

moral regiment. Yes, exactly. We have a band. Now, the conditions during this battle that took several days was really quite difficult. The rain really came down. It was hard to find shelter. In fact, I'll quote him here. Slept last night on the ground.

Rained all night. Slept well. Slept last night on the ground. Rained all night. Slept well. He must have lived such a long life like this. Such positivity. Yeah. He had a rock for a pillow. Exactly. Shale for a blanket. And a piece of slate as a, I don't know,

teddy bear. With the word bear written on it. Yes. Well, the battle took a toll on the Union army. Heavy casualties were inflicted. However, in the end, the Confederacy was routed. Things then hot up for Hayes for a bit. He had less time to write his letters and entries into his diary.

His writing dries up to a few simple sentences for a day. In a battle in mid-July, his horse was shot from under him. Yeah. And his forces suffered a defeat against General Early. Amazingly, Hayes did not describe the defeat as pleasant. Oh. No. In fact, I quote,

This is, all a new experience, a decided defeat in battle. But, on the whole, it was not so painful a thing to go through as I thought it might be. Always that shiny edge. Yeah. Then in September, Hayes found himself in another dangerous battle. This is the Battle of Winchester, the Union attempting to make up for their previous loss.

Now, to begin with, the battle was going in the South's favour, and Hayes was sent to attack the Confederacy's right flank. The order was to walk fast, keep silent, until within about 100 yards of the guns. Then, we would yell and charge at full speed. Tally-ho! Good plan, isn't it? Walk to the enemy, and then run at the enemy, whilst shouting whilst shouting. Don't forget your guns, man. However, as Hayes led his men over a ridge, they suddenly came across a quite deep creek that was about 25 yards across. So they weren't expecting this sudden river that they needed to ford,

but there it was. By this point, the rebel forces had spotted them and had started firing upon them of course the line stopped but to stop was death and to go on was probably the same so on we went hayes spurred his horse on but it struggled and soon was mired in the stream i jumped off and got down on all fours succeeding in in reaching the rebel side, but alone. So he was halfway across the river, but it's all boggy, his horse gets stuck. He jumps into the river, sort of crawls through the river, jumps up on the other side and looks around, and he's all on his own.

Ah. What luck! Well, Hayes for a moment stood on the rebel side of the river, but soon enough his men caught up with him, and without time to organise into lines, they simply charged at the Confederate troops, who then were scattered. The fighting continued, and then at one point

a couple of soldiers managed to get Hayes his horse back. Oh. Yeah, they managed to drag it out of the brook. I quote, Two men got my horse, and I rode him all day, but he was ruined. Which is really sad. It says in the same way that you'd, like, ruin a shirt. Yes.

Damn and blast. It's only got three legs now, look. And half a face. Well, it took to the end of the day, but eventually the Union forces managed to chase the Confederacy off the field. I certainly never enjoyed anything more than those last three hours. For all his joy, Hayes does put a caveat at the end of this letter. After describing the battle, he writes, of course this is all imperfect. I saw but little of what occurred. For that reason, I would never have a letter of mine shown outside the family. There's too much

risk of errors. For instance, crossing the creek, I could only see 100 yards or so up and down. 40 men may have beaten me over, but I couldn't see them. So it's a bit of modesty there. Yeah. Yeah. He's just too happy to be a braggart. No, I'm not. Yeah.

In the wider world, by the way, Lincoln's second election was round the corner, and many were worried about what would happen if Lincoln lost. Hayes wasn't worried. No. No. He figured that if McClellan won, then he would lead the Democrats into a war footing and they'd do just as good job as Lincoln and they'd all be getting rid of slavery and everyone be home for Christmas. Yes. Yeah. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. That said, he was a Republican, so he did vote for Lincoln. Yeah. Hayes also received word that he had been selected to be nominated

for a seat in the House. By this point, like I said near the start, his name's in the paper a lot back home. Yeah, so the word's got around that he's doing a good job. Hayes was flattered and was more than happy to run, but not in person. An officer fit for duty who at this crisis would abandon his post to electioneer

for a seat in Congress should be scalped. Bloody hell. Yeah, so he's not going to leave the men. No. They need him. They're my men. Sure enough. That'll lead him in better stead probably as well, I imagine.

It's not quite the same thing because I imagine he genuinely means it, but a lot of people did the whole fake modesty thing, didn't they, the Roman style. Well, yeah, I mean, the person running against him foolishly made some adverts of him dodging bullets and just looking a bit like a fool in the war instead of being at home trying to run for the state senate, but that obviously backfired because it just looked like yeah he's off doing something yeah so sure enough he was elected to the house but obviously he didn't go and take his seat straight away because there's a war on he was also promoted to brigadier general he also received the good news that

lucy had given birth to a son and And this is George Crook Haynes. Yeah. Amazing. I haven't been home in 14 months. Our wife's given birth. It's truly a miracle. What brilliant news. Just see him frown slightly.

And then a big smile. Yay! A son. All his new tenants behind him are just like, oh, God. Should we tap? No. No. The day that smile stops.

It's the day the world ends. I am running. Anyway, it seemed clear to Hayes that Grant was going to be able to take Richmond soon. Grant's in charge of everything by this point. And Hayes decided it was time to go home once that was done. In fact, it really did look likely the war was actually going to end now. I'll quote him, Glorious news is coming so fast I hardly know how to think and feel about it.

Not only was the war drawing to a close, but he'd also found his opera glasses. Wow. And I'll quote, Good. Did I write to your mother that I found my opera glasses again? Wow. And I'll quote. Good. Why was he having... Why did he have a pair of opera glasses in the middle of a battlefield? How's that benefit to anybody?

To be fair, I'm guessing opera glasses as in little binoculars. I'm guessing he used them to scalp the area. Okay, fair enough. This is me being generous. He'd have known there was a show. Yeah, who knows? It could be that. But yes, there you go. He got his opera glasses back.

The war's drawing to a close. Everything's good. In fact, Lee surrendered not long afterwards. Unrelated, I hasten to add, to him finding the opera glasses. God, he's got his opera glasses back. We surrender! We surrender! Well, I'll quote him again here.

I wonder if you feel as happy as I do, he wrote to his wife. Wife back, no. No one ever is. Never. Well, the good mood was dampened, however, when news reached him of Lincoln's assassination just a few days afterwards. At first, it was wholly dark. So unmerited a fate for Lincoln.

Such a loss for the country. However, Hayes is not a man to wallow in despair. How fortunate that it occurred no sooner! And, to be fair, showing a good understanding in how history works, he then wrote that Lincoln's fame is safe. He is now the darling of history evermore. His life and achievements give him titles to regard second to those of no other man in ancient or modern times. To these, this tragedy now adds the crown of martyrdom. He said to Lincoln's wife. Yeah.

But the good news is, it probably scores some bloody good marks in a podcast in a couple of hundred years' time. Yeah. After the war, Hayes went and took his seat in the House. He was a member of national politics. However, partly for time reasons, and partly because he does nothing of note whatsoever, we're going to brush past this period of life. Very much like when he was at school, he just got on with it. Massive raves and parties going on.

Yeah. He's sitting in the House Representative building, just notepad out, ready to get started. Yeah. I mean, the House isn't sitting for another week, but he's there. Yeah. He's eager to start. For the next couple of years, he did a good enough job.

He towed the Republican line. He sided more with the moderates, but was not fanatically devoted to them and would sometimes side with the radicals. He hated what Johnson turned out to be, as most people did, and like many in the party, did all he could to bring about impeachment. When Lucy visited for a month, Hayes and Lucy mainly kept to themselves. Hayes did not like all the social events.

He found them really boring. He didn't like going and hobnobbing with the hobnobs. He wanted the joys and glory of battle, probably, by this point. However, the exception was when General Grant would throw some kind of party. He'd attend those. Yeah. And then some bad news. He heard that his baby boy, George, was ill.

He rushed home to go and see if there was anything that could be done. And actually, things seemed much better. The boy seemed to be recovering from scarlet fever. Yeah. So, Hayes headed back to the capital, but shortly received a letter. His son had, in fact, died. Ah, yeah.

Not great. It's not long after this that Hayes stepped down. He decided to run for governor instead. That way, he could do something with his life, but be at home with his family. He was seen as a safe choice by many. After all, he was a war hero and he'd served in the House.

I mean, it sounds good. However, the campaign was a hard one. He was running on the platform of endorsing a constitution amendment allowing universal male suffrage in Ohio. Now, this was a separate vote that was going to take place at the same time as the governorship vote.

But pretty much all the election campaigning turned into a should we give black men the vote. Now, this was not a popular position in Ohio at the time. It might have been quite anti-slavery in Ohio, but it was not particularly pro-black rights. Things get a bit nasty

in this campaign. The Democrats made the most of the racism and employed girls to wear white dresses and hold signs saying, fathers save us from nego equality. Yeah. The obvious insinuation there. Yeah.

Not good. Hayes attempted to fight this racism, pointing out quite often that an, and I quote here, an honest coloured man is much more preferable than a white traitor. But unfortunately, things do not go well for the Republicans. I mean, Hayes tried his best. He delivered over 80 speeches, but it just wasn't quite enough. The Democrats won, and the black men of the state were not given the right to vote. The Democrats also made gains in the state legislature

and as for the governorship he thought that it was all over for him. I mean the Republicans were being tranced. But it turned out that he had just scraped through with a majority of 3,000 in a vote of half a million. Oh wow.

Isn't that right? Yeah. So you can tell that was only a victory based on his personality. Yeah. And the reputation he had gained throughout the war. So, he's now governor of Ohio and we're going to end on some good news. Lucy gives birth to a baby girl who is called

Fanny after his sister. So, there you go. Yeah. That's Hayes. I really like him. I think he's brilliant. I think he's a hidden gem. Well, honestly, I was halfway through my notes, and I was just going, I know now why no one ever talks about Hayes. Yeah.

And then I just suddenly, I found that passage in his diary about the wifey, and just went, oh, my God. I just started reading more and more of his personal diaries, and went, oh my god. I just started reading more and more of his personal diaries and went, this is amazing. Like, this guy is just so positive all the time. And how much he was really like that and how much this was just the way he would write is debatable. And how many other people wrote in that same way at that time as well?

Yeah, I mean, it's always difficult to really judge personality through time. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's always difficult to really judge personality through time. Yeah. But, in my head, Hayes now is just a guy who skips and smiles through life. Yeah. Yeah. He's also a war hero.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, he did really well in the war. Yeah. He was there on the front lines. He's done very well politically. Yeah. He's starting to get there politically, definitely. He's now the governor. I mean, I'm assuming he'll do very well next episode.

Well, we will see. Well, politically, as in he's president politically as well he's got to become president well yeah exactly so he at least does that i like him yeah yeah i ended up after starting with a why are you so boring haze to actually know i quite like you yeah so right there we go well that's part one of haze it is so next time we get to see when the smile stops no i'm joking oh thank goodness or am i we'll find out we will find out thank you very much for listening this week and thank you for downloading us on pop beat or itunes and thank you for liking our facebook and twitter so until next time then. Toodle-pip. Toodle-pip. Colonel Hayes.

Yes, oh, Jackson. Are you okay? I heard it was quite bad. Well, tell me, tell me, what happened? Oh, it was fine, it was fine, but we had to find shelter under a small holly bush, prickly. And it was cold at night, we had to find some way of keeping warm under the lashing rain. So I grabbed the nearest corpse, a private friend. I pulled his cold corpse onto me, I had to gut the man. As intestines fell, I used them to keep my body warm throughout the night. As I opened my eyes with only the moonlight and starlight alike, the corpse filled. Yes, it was a corpse filled.

I could see rows and rows of men whom I had loved and called friends lying there lifeless, staring and blinking in the infinite beyond. It blocked out the sound of the rain and the cannons and the pounding of the horse hoofs and the march to our own eternity and our damn indignation! Slept well, though.