As The Raven Dreams Podcast - "A Circle" By Ray Beaman

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to aboard of Viarai. Embarked and profite. Embarked and celebrate. Rigolet. Publiere. Savoy. Admire. Admirate. And profite. Viaray, the voice that we love. There's something else here now. Something new. From, exclusively on Paramount Plus, it's the series Stephen King calls Scarious Hell. Everything here is impossible, but it's also real. Sci-fi vision calls it the best show.

Starting point is 00:00:30 of streaming right now. We're running out of time and we still don't know the rules. Don't miss what the movie blog calls something you need to watch. Saving those children is how we all go home. From Binge All Episodes exclusively on Paramount Plus. Today's story is a circle by a right struggle, aka Raymond Beeman. Ghosts can come in many forms. They can be big and they can be scary.

Starting point is 00:01:10 They can be visceral and they can be disturbing, but they can also be small and subtle. Lurking just beyond the precipice of our reality, silently reminding us of what we fear the most in our lives. Mine was small. Mine was a circle. It was small enough to fit into my pocket, and it was made of white gold. To see it, you would not know it. To touch it and feel it, you would never question. But to know it was a different story altogether.

Starting point is 00:01:45 It was light, yet weighty, and it haunted me more than I could ever realize. The moment the door closed, I could not have known what was about to unfold. I returned home that night, lost and alone, filled with sorrow and regret, cursing myself for all of the little things that eventually added up. Alone, they are small, but over time they grow, the forgotten dates, the distant nights, and always listening, but with only one ear. They're like a crack. It begins with a line, and when left unchecked, it can grow and tear, splintering all in its path while leaving a spider web of misery in its wake.

Starting point is 00:02:32 And this, this is what inhabited my mind, as I closed the front door. and sheepishly sunk into my bed. What was to become known as the first night was honestly unremarkable. It was just like any other night, excluding the events which had preceded it. I slept, I woke, and I rose. The sun had already risen before me, and by the time I opened my eyes, its warm glow had already settled nicely through my window, gently warming my face as I pulled myself out.

Starting point is 00:03:08 of bed. I made a habit of taking a walk every morning. There was a small lake not too far from my home that could only be described as serene during the morning hours. I walked to this lake every day and just sat for a while. I found it to be the perfect way to compartmentalize my thought and prepare for the day, and I knew that following on from the night prior that I needed this now more than ever. So I put on my jeans, and I made my way towards my front door. I pulled the handle once, but it wouldn't open. I pulled the handle down again, but it would not open.

Starting point is 00:03:51 I pulled the handle a third time, but the door remained closed. Confused, I paused for a moment. For a second, I contemplated that I was still asleep and still dreaming. It didn't make any sense. I began to yank at the handle forcefully as an irrational fear crept through my body. I pulled and pulled until my arms strained and my muscles ached. My mind began to cloud, and the fear seeped through my body, infecting every sense and corrupting all reason in its wake.

Starting point is 00:04:26 The exit to the world remained shut, standing firm, unyielding, and fierce. in a panic I tried the windows when that didn't work I tried the back door and when that did not work I tried my phone my phone would not respond its screen hung black and clear refusing to respond to any touch

Starting point is 00:04:49 the television was the same my computer was the same everything was just empty for hours I stood at my window but no cars passed. There were no pedestrians, no mothers pushing buggies, and no men returning from work. There were no birds. There was no sound. There was no wind and no air. There was simply nothing.

Starting point is 00:05:19 The world outside was unmoving and barren. All life which used to reside could not be seen from my vantage point. And any indication that I once shared this world with another was elusive and no longer tangible. The seconds quickly turned to minutes and the minutes into hours. I could still feel the passage of time despite the fact that my clock refused to move. I knew that time had passed, despite the fact that the sun remained high in the sky, and I knew my life continued on simply due to the fact that I continued to breathe. The sun continued on, however, high in the sky unmoving and unforgiving,

Starting point is 00:06:01 refusing to give way to the night. My clock remained fixed. Its time was a little after ten. The day was perpetual. The day was everlasting. So I slept. It took a while for slumber to greet me as the blinding day persisted, but eventually I slept.

Starting point is 00:06:24 And then I woke, and then I rose. This continued on as the concept of days past. My fridge slowly emptied despite the fact that food no longer had taste. No matter the meal, no matter the plate, every dish was no more than chalk. Taste was a word which once had meaning, but somehow it had become lost, forgotten within a sea of daylight and vanquished from the world inside of my prison. So I slept, I woke, and I rose. I quickly lost faith that anyone would have.

Starting point is 00:07:01 find me. It was around two weeks in that it dawned on me how much time I had wasted in my life up until this point. I had no friends to miss me, no job that could not continue on without me, and no partner left to love me. All I had was this house, this room and this bed, nothing but myself, trapped and alone, living in solitude, completely forgotten by the world outside, a world where no mark existed by my name. I was all alone, and I was lost. So I slept.

Starting point is 00:07:41 After the third week, my food ran out. And then after a few days, I realized I could no longer feel hunger. As time continued on while never passing, I quickly realized that I was not starving, that I was not dying. What would have been a horrifying revelation before was nothing more than a fleeting moment swept away by the daylight. The sun still had not moved and I still continued to exist, so I never really questioned it. I just slept, and then I woke, and then I rose.

Starting point is 00:08:18 It was after a month or so of nothing but myself and the silence that I eventually met him. Suddenly, one night, I was jolted awake. I could not explain why I had awoken so suddenly. It was just there. It was the indescribable need to open my eyes. It was the feeling that I was being watched. My eyes strained as I opened them. The never-ending daylight blinding me as I sat up in my bed.

Starting point is 00:08:52 I noticed him straight away. He sat on the edge of my bed staring at me, simply watching on as I slept. My heart began to pound heavily as he smiled at me, my reflection glaring back at me with a self-satisfied smile. He shifted slightly and brought a finger to his lips, indicating that he wished for me to remain silent, with a soft and careful exhale.

Starting point is 00:09:18 "'Good evening,' he spoke softly. "'Or should I say good morning? "'It is getting rather hard to tell the difference now, is it not?' "'Panic coursed through my being, as my body reacted instinctively to the intruder. "'Now, now,' he grinned. "'I would have assumed you were already acquainted with the fear. "'It's not as if you have just arrived here now, is it?' Slowly, my chest began to ease as my breathing slowed.

Starting point is 00:09:53 See, there is no worry here that you have not already seen, so why worry? That's my philosophy. It really is quite striking here. I knew that you preferred your own company, but do you not think that you're taking this a little bit too far? I did not respond straight away. I simply sat in silence as he continued. to watch me. His smile, never ceasing, as he glared at me through gritted teeth. Then, after a few moments my mouth opened, and the most expected of questions drifted from my lips.

Starting point is 00:10:34 Who are you? I knew the answer deep down, but I asked the question regardless. Slowly, the man lifted himself from the bed and straightened his tie. already know who I am, he answered. But I'm supposing that you can be forgiven for such predictable question, considering your current predicament after all. Well, allow me to reintroduce myself. He smiled and spun slightly on the spot, basking in his own arrogance and self-worth. I am you.

Starting point is 00:11:15 Well, that is not quite. true. I am who you would like to be. I'm everything that you have ever aspired to be, everything that you have ever dreamed to be. I'm simply you, just the better version of you. Perfect in every way. I do not make your mistakes. I do not waste your time. I make friends, and I do work that will leave a mark. You may call me perfect if you please. You may call me perfect if you please. please, but if I were to be honest, I would much more prefer Benny. After a few moments, Benny nodded slightly to himself and then once again resumed a sitting position at the bottom of my bed. The mirror has never looked, more appealing, has it? Confused, I opened my mouth and allowed the second question to come, even though I knew that the answer would be just as cryptic as the question.

Starting point is 00:12:17 the first. Why am I here? How do I get out? Benny laughed slightly. Well, heavens, he said. It really is quite concerning if you of all people have to ask. After all, we're only here because of you. The door cannot remain shut forever, but I guess you already know that, right? Perplexed, I shook my head. What? I don't understand. How can I get out? Please just tell me. Benny sighed slightly before answering. See, this is your problem. Never listen. You're always in your head, in your life, in your world. You've never cared about what is going on out there, have you? Out there, in the real world, your life and your mind, your feelings and your thoughts, your needs and your wants. That's all that's real to you, is it not?

Starting point is 00:13:26 Maybe if you listened for once. Maybe if you actually cared what others thought. Maybe if you allowed someone in, maybe you would find your way out. At least, that is what I'm thinking. Benny paused for a moment and smiled, but I wouldn't hang around if I were you. I would make it sharpish. You see all this light?

Starting point is 00:13:57 It is really not too good for the eyes. As the smile once again slowly crept across his lips, I noticed his eyes begin to expand. It was slow at first, but the pace grew quicker. As the mass in each socket, expanded, my heart quickened in tandem. They grew and they grew until finally they were as large as saucers, unnaturally sat in each socket,

Starting point is 00:14:24 complimenting his features in a dark and unsettling way. His mouth opened slightly as his smile grew tighter across his cheeks. Being inside for this long, will do you no good, he whispered. His voice growing deeper, and rough with each passing word, the affliction is already growing across your face. Slowly, Benny reached into his jacket pocket and produced a small mirror.

Starting point is 00:14:56 His smile tore at his face as he brought the object up for me to see. Have a look at yourself, he added, his tone becoming demonic and harsh. You really do not look yourself today. I knew I did not want to see it, but I could not bring myself to look away. There I was in all of my depressed and broken glory. Face strained and features weak. My eyes did not belong to me. Their large and looming presence reflective of Benny's features.

Starting point is 00:15:40 My body felt so strange and my mind felt lost. It had been so long since I'd felt anything, anything at all. I had once been happy so long ago. I had once felt joy, pleasure, and love, but now all I felt was hollow. The sinking emptiness ensnared my mind and filled my chest as I gazed upon my reflection, unmistakable proof of just how deep I had sunk. And then, out of nowhere, I decided that it was enough.

Starting point is 00:16:16 I knew then that I did not want to waste my time. I knew then that I needed to make a mark, and I knew that no matter what came after, all I wanted to do was be better, be a more perfect version of myself, to just be me. I had been drowning for so long without even knowing it, so it was inevitable that I would eventually sink,

Starting point is 00:16:42 but that did not mean I had to stay at the bottom. I knew how to swim, so why was I not fighting the current? A tear fell gently down my cheek as Benny continued to smile. No, I said, reaching up to wipe away the tear. No longer. I will not stay here any longer, and I will leave. Because I choose to leave. I choose to be better.

Starting point is 00:17:10 I choose to get better. and I choose to do all of the things that I want to do, and to make up for all of the mistakes I have ever made. I choose to be happy, Benny. I choose life. Gradually, the smile fell from Benny's lips, and after a few seconds, he spoke. Very good. I would probably try that pesky door now if I were you. With a blink, Benny was gone. No longer was he sat at that. the bottom of my bed, eyes large and still looming. The daylight still pierced my window,

Starting point is 00:17:48 but suddenly the air felt different. Somewhere in the background, the noise of a car passing my home could be heard. I pulled myself from my bed as my clock ticked noticeably. Birds chirped away at their morning song as they welcomed the dawn of a new day, and my once, oppressive home, now suddenly felt so much more open. Slowly, I picked up my jeans, got dressed, and I made my way to the front door. Pausing for a moment, I allowed my hand to hover over the handle. I knew that my words were not bluster. I knew that I meant every single one of them.

Starting point is 00:18:36 I just knew in that moment that things would be different, that I would. that I would be different. After all, I had done what needed to be done. I had chosen to swim. With a new confidence, I pulled the handle down and the door opened. The air immediately felt fresh and clean as I stepped back out into the world. I allowed it to grace my cheeks as a smile grew across my face. Other people may not have been as lucky as me.

Starting point is 00:19:09 I know that. Others may never get to step back outside. The door may never open for them, so in that moment I knew that my second chance would not be wasted. There was only one place I needed to be, so I made my way to the lake. After a few minutes, I'd made it to my favorite spot, and I took a seat on my favorite bench.

Starting point is 00:19:35 The serene waters moved peacefully in the foreground as I reached into my pocket and pulled the small metal object from within. The ring had been in there since last night. It had been in there for so long. I carefully eased it back onto my finger and once again smiled. I would fix this. I would fix me and I would get back all that I had lost. You see, ghosts.

Starting point is 00:20:02 Ghosts can come in many different forms. They can be big and they can be sky. scary. They can be visceral and they can be disturbing, but they can also be small and subtle, lurking just on the precipice of our reality, silently reminding us of what we fear the most in our lives, but they can also be moments. Ghosts can be memories, events, cause and effect. Our ghosts can trap us if we're not careful, and they can freeze time, imprisoning us in our memories. In our events and in our lives. They can fragment our reality.

Starting point is 00:20:42 They can hold us stationary until years have passed, and the only thing different is our age. You see, ghosts can come in many shapes and sizes, and I knew in that moment that mine was no longer scary. Mine was small. Mine was a circle. So that my friends was once again a circle, written by a right struggle,

Starting point is 00:21:16 a.k.a. Ray Beeman. Please check out Ray's stuff in the description. Please check it out and please support him. This story was so elegantly written, and in my opinion, it was absolutely beautiful. I would be lying to you if I said I was not fighting back tears near the end of that story. I don't know if it was apparent, but this story hit my heart really heavy, so hopefully you all enjoyed it. I have another story by Ray coming up here in the near future. and I am beyond excited for that fact.

Starting point is 00:21:52 Thank you so much for letting me read this, Ray. Thank you very much. Again, please, listeners, audience, beautiful people. Check Ray's stuff out in the description. This is once again, he's also known as a right struggle. Please, please check his stuff out. A huge thank you to everyone that listened to this and gets to this point, obviously. If you enjoyed this and you're still listening and you're not,

Starting point is 00:22:18 subscribe to the channel, please do consider doing so. It does help a lot. And also please consider following me on any of my social media platforms. I have several of them down there. You can also go to my website as the ravendreams.com to find all the places you can find me in my stories and my narrations. And then lastly, there's the obvious, the support to Patreon coffee. Thank you to everyone who does support me on those. Even if you don't, it's perfectly fine. It's always appreciated but never expected. So thank you to everyone. Again, And I do love you all, and I hope you're having a beautiful day. And I hope you continue to have a beautiful day.

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As The Raven Dreams Podcast - "A Circle" By Ray Beaman

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