Ask Dr. Drew - Bert Kreischer & LeeAnn Kreischer on COVID-19, Marriage, The Cabin & More - Episode 26

Episode Date: November 12, 2020

Bert Kreischer is a comedian and actor. His latest series The Cabin is now streaming on Netflix, along with his latest comedy special "Hey Big Boy." He is married to LeeAnn Kreischer, who appeared on a recent episode of Ask Dr. Drew alongside Christina P. More: https://www.bertbertbert.com/ LeeAnn Kreischer is an actress and host of the Wife Of The Party podcast. She appears frequently in Bert Kreischer's comedy routines, on the Your Mom's House podcast, and on YMH's Dr. Drew After Dark. More: https://www.instagram.com/lkreischer/ Get an alert when Dr. Drew is taking calls: http://drdrew.tv/  Ask Dr. Drew is produced by Kaleb Nation (@KalebNation) and Susan Pinsky (@FirstLadyOfLove). THE SHOW: For over 30 years, Dr. Drew Pinsky has taken calls from all corners of the globe, answering thousands of questions from teens and young adults. To millions, he is a beacon of truth, integrity, fairness, and common sense. Now, after decades of hosting Loveline and multiple hit TV shows – including Celebrity Rehab, Teen Mom OG, Lifechangers, and more – Dr. Drew is opening his phone lines to the world by streaming LIVE from his home studio in California. On Ask Dr. Drew, no question is too extreme or embarrassing because the Dr. has heard it all. Don’t hold in your deepest, darkest questions any longer. Ask Dr. Drew and get real answers today. This show is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. All information exchanged during participation in this program, including interactions with DrDrew.com and any affiliated websites, are intended for educational and/or entertainment purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. I've got a lot to discuss with you, including vaccines, news stories on vaccines. Ooh, a lot of you guys ready to talk here. The number, of course, is 984-237-3739. I've got a bunch of other COVID news, but I want to get to our very special guests without further delay. That is, of course, the Kreishers. I've got Bert Kreischer, Leanne Kreischer. Our laws as it pertained to substances are draconian and bizarre. Psychopaths start this

way. He was an alcoholic because of social media and pornography, PTSD, love addiction. Fentanyl and heroin, ridiculous. I'm a doctor for. Say, where the hell do you think I learned that? I'm just saying, you go to treatment before you kill people. I am a clinician. I observe things about these chemicals,

but just deal with what's real. We used to get these calls on Loveline all the time. Educate adolescents and to prevent and to treat. You have trouble, you can't stop, and you want to help stop it. I can help. I got a lot to say. I got a lot more to say. And I'll state for the record, the true star of the cabin, Leanne Kreischer.

Ah, no. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Susan, did those words come out of my mouth while we were watching it? Yeah, it came out of my mouth. I know Bert's good. I understand who Bert is. I know he's popular, but Leanne came flying through Bert on this one. Aw, thank you.

That's like Columbus getting to the free world and saying, the guy that went, hey, Columbus, I see land. He discovered America. Columbus fucking got the shit, okay? That's actually a really great analogy. And by the way, I'm sitting on gold over here, Drew.

I pull this out and I do a joke about a penis pump. Now, anyone who knows what this is knows exactly what this is. The end goes, for serious filmmakers only. I said, what? That's how you clean the lens, babe. You clean the lens, right? I go, no, you pump up a fucking basketball. Yeah, basketball, computer.

You stick it in the basketball and you pump it. You do not. I swear to God. She's like, is it really a penis pump? Is it really a penis pump? You put it in your urethra and squeeze. Well, I now know what my next appearance is going to be on your podcast. I'm going to bring some of that equipment in. I actually have access to the actual devices that you insert in people's penises to let them inflate as a demonstration unit.

Yeah, yeah. They're quite fun. Yeah, and that's why he was saying he has a friend that... There was a great... One of the hardest I've ever laughed on. St. Elmo's? St. Elsewhere? St. Elsewhere, yeah. St. Elsewhere. Howie Mandel had erectile problems and they put in a pump

and he said... The guy next to him was depressed and he said, I'm going to take this thing out for a spin. So he starts pumping and pumping and pumping, pumping, and he's like, wow, that's big. And the curtain's closed. And the guy's depressed, listening. Pumping and he starts pumping and pumping and pumping pumping and he's like wow that's big and the curtain's closed and the guy's depressed listening popping and popping pumping pumping pumping pumping he's like oh my god how big does this thing get and then he took his then you hear a big pop and the guy goes oh my god opens the door and howie mandel had a a brown bag oh no oh my god wow and you remember that from 1983 it's Wow. And you remember that from 1983.

It's funny the things you remember that stick in your head. You never forget. Mark Hamill got AIDS on that. Not Mark Hamill. Who's the good-looking guy that got AIDS on it? Mark Hamill. Oh, yeah. George Clooney.

Was he in that? No, he was in ER. He was in ER. The good-looking guy that's on NCSI now. Mark something mark harman got aids i remember he got aids he was like i gotta cut this is back when no one really knew what aids were cut them off that won't heal and they're like you have full-blown aids can i tell you a mark harman story uh he and i used to hang out we were our ages were off so we weren't friends but we used to hang out at the same beach. He lifeguarded

at that beach, and the next summer, I lifeguarded at that beach. When I was 13, he was like 16 or something. We were throwing a football around. He goes, yeah, I'm going to quarterback at UCLA. We're like, ah! You've got to be kidding. Quarterback at UCLA. That's where he was.

He's a gorgeous man. not as good looking as rob low and not as dangerous leanne always used to say there's a difference between tom selleck and harrison ford one of them makes you feel dangerous and one of them goes you go i can watch him every week you know because he's because he's not threatening he's not threatening you know tom selleck tried to be han solo but they were just like he's not dangerous he's not threatening you know tom selleck tried to be han solo but they were just like he's not dangerous enough right there's no fear there's no recklessness that's why i live my life reckless drew okay i know that bird tom is tom selleck and i am harrison ford i get it you're reckless i get it although you've been less reckless in recent years thank god

leanne has kind of had that influence on you but speaking of living recklessly i came and did a house call on you right grab that yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and was there and there was a video taken did it ever get put up i hope not okay and the recommendation of that visit was a c-pat machine that were supposed to... Oh, is this it? This is the face guard they gave me. Oh my God, I'm so happy. The lady from your office has been calling to schedule. And I'm with him when she calls. And he goes, color back, color back, color

back, color back. So he's avoiding scheduling the appointment. You'll lose weight more easily and you'll feel so much better. And damn, will you be cool looking at night. I can't wait. That is not sexy at all.

It's very sexy for your spouse. She's into it. Oh, my God. What did you expect, Leanne? We couldn't really do the nasal unifram. We can if he really doesn't like this, but this is what he needs. I'm just going to lose weight. You're still going to lose weight.

Susan, wait for the day when I need it. I'm on it. She gets it a few seconds later. She just started going, oh, my God. She's watching it. It's pretty intense. But even if you did it just like do when you're on the road or something you know what i mean so you're not bothering leanne with it because it

really will make you feel it's a big deal it's not it's not a minor issue you know yeah i just want to pay for the machine and buy the machine and try the machine yeah i don't want to do i don't want to deal with the freaking all the other stuff makes me you know what it is it's just like I have a crown that needs to be I have a temporary on it part of me starts going like what if I die within the next two years is it worth it that doesn't even make sense

if you die of something related to the phenomenon that we could have prevented with this thing yes it does matter you understand what is all that fatalism i wonder how many people what is that people got what's that all that fatalism you're all like if i die whatever oh no no at our house we call it catastrophe thinking yeah yeah he's definitely is a catastrophe. Like yesterday I came home and he was just morose. And I said, what's going on?

What's wrong? And he goes, I have a cardiology appointment and I just don't have time to go. I said, so reschedule it. Yeah, but then I have to, I mean, when am I going to do it? I was like, do it in December when you're offshore. It's one phone call, one phone call. I made the phone call. They were very cool today.

And he was like, oh, well, I feel better. It's just one phone call. And then she said to me, she goes, have you gotten your CT scan yet? And I went, no. She goes, well, yeah, you definitely need to move it because we want you to get a CT scan before you get in to see the doctor. And I was like, okay, well, great. Now I feel better. You know what that's all about, right? It's my second one. I had 0% blockage.

Good. It's not about blockage. It's about calcium score, which is a correlate 0% blockage. It's not about blockage. It's about calcium score, which is a correlate of possible blockage. So good. Me too. I had 0.0. That's a great sign. That's a great sign. That's good. You've got to do them every few years, but you also can get weird

muscle problems again from all that sleep apnea. I mean, Leanne said, when I came and did your house call, Leanne said that the walls shake sometimes. I snore pretty aggressively. The snoring Leanne said that the walls shake sometimes. I snore pretty aggressively. The snoring is so loud that the walls move. Yes. Yeah.

They kind of suck in and out with his breathing. Let's see Pat Michiel take care of that. You'll just hear a whoosh all night long. So let's talk about the cabin before we go to phone calls let's just do a little bit of uh promotion what if people haven't seen it yet what are they going to find it is um i think it's fucking awesome i'm never good at promoting my own stuff but i will tell you the things i'm proud of i can promote i think two bears one cave is an amazing podcast i think the cabin is the best thing I've ever done.

It's the thing that's most captured me and my relationship with my friends and what I find humor to be. And it's me, Tom Segura, Joey Diaz, Nikki Glaser, Caitlyn Jenner, Bobby Lee, Donnell Rollins, Fortune Feimster, Big Jay Oakerson, Anthony Anderson,

Dion Cole, Miss Pat, Kaylee Cuoco, and Joelel mckale and basically the whole thing is and this is what's great about me is it's about going to the woods and trying to get your life right get your head right get your body right get your mind right and i am such a quick fix dude that all of these are things that i would definitely try sound bath i would definitely do that if you told me that would help take rid of my anxiety, I'd have bowls all over my balls. I'd have them everywhere.

If you, if you told me I put a crystal in my pocket and it would lower my blood pressure, blood pressure, I'd be, I'd have pockets full of crystals. Are you, have you ever been, have you ever been hypnotized?

No, I'll do it. Yeah. I mean, I was just thinking that all that suggestibility, you might be really easy to hypnotize, but I'm going to get, I'm going to be like, oh, my mouth tastes like cum. What the fuck?

We thought we didn't see Kaley Cuoco. So we've not seen every episode. We missed one. What happens in that episode? Oh, that's the one everyone's talking about. What? Yeah, that's the one that got the most press that every question has been about. That's number

four number four and miss pat you know miss pat right yeah miss pat yeah uh basically drinks whiskey for the first time in a while and just opens up to kaylee about how she doesn't think big bang for theory is funny and thinks it's funny and she doesn't understand why she would ever get paid a million dollars because she can't believe anyone watches it and kaylee's just like what i mean there was so much we edited out of that episode because pat just got real at one point she said something about michael vick and kaylee is a big pita person and miss pat is uh is black from atlanta and if you look i mean look i'm not getting into this this is a bad place for a white man to put his fucking neck yeah but i will just say we edited a ton out of that video

out of that out of that that was just i mean it was like pat talking about having kids and now kaylee needs to have kids as her uterus is running out like i mean it's just it was just a fuck but here's the thing is that I will say this, having enough black friends and Miss Pat being one of them, is it was just a cultural miscommunication. It wasn't, Pat was never trying to be mean. She was trying to be respectful by being honest. And I just don't think that Kaylee probably has a lot of, I'm guessing, I'm just guessing.

And I'm not saying that's not it's not possible i'm assuming kaylee doesn't have a lot of people in her on her team that got pregnant at 13 right right and her nipple got shot off in a drug deal right and shot her husband one time and used to cover themselves with butter so they didn't get stretched like i'm just saying like yeah that's a unique individual yeah and so that's not that's not kaylee's life experience yeah and so it was a great episode it was it was we lost kaylee halfway through the day shooting but it was a great episode and how did the two of them leave things uh did out the front door drew kaylee walked out the front door and that was the last we saw kaylee wow and how are you and caitlin doing these days i haven't i haven't talked to her it was that's the other episode everyone talks about

is that i got emotional on the episode and i did not plan on it at all i did not yeah think i would get emotional in the slightest but my dad is not a my dad's not a celebrity fucker at all like he doesn't care about that shit and so he did not want me to do the episode because he was like buddy you're gonna miss up your pronouns you're gonna ruin your career you're gonna look like an asshole you're gonna i'm telling you man these cancel culture people are serious you just say the wrong thing to the wrong you just stay away stay like you know like really being a protective father yeah and then he was like you don't understand who you're talking to like you don't like you need to have respect like there, like there's a lot, she, she's a hero. She's an American hero and, and just going on and on.

And then, and then I, my dad got an opportunity to talk to Caitlin and was, I heard it in my dad's voice. Like he's just talking track. They were just talking track. And my dad was so into the conversation and so got to be his youthful, young, college, athletic self. And then at the end, he said, Caitlin, I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you. You have no idea. You're my hero. And I just fucking fell out crying. And I was like, and so everyone,

and those are the two episodes everyone talks about, that and Tom Segura hacking up an email with a chainsaw. There was that. Susan didn't like that part. Not a lot of it. And was your dad a track a college track hardcore that's the reason i run so much is that my dad was always into track and field and so all these like fart licks and all these types of running exercises that you do that are fairly advanced i mean for like people into track i did growing up with my dad and so that's why i enjoy

running is in a weird way it's's like, I'm getting to this age, Drew, where I'm doing stuff for like direct approval of my father. Like, well, you know, it's funny. You, you, I remember back when you had him on stage with you and he, and he came off the stage sort of high, like, Whoa, man, I understand why you do this. Right. And that was, that seemed like a big moment for you yes sort of an acknowledgement of your what you're doing and since then you've been very explicit like everything i do is for approval from my dad now certainly your dad must hear that and what does he say uh he's i mean he you know i can say we have a we have a semi-complicated relationship in in that and leanne can probably speak to this

a little better than i could but like we get along fine we talk on the phone fine we can talk about golf we can talk about anything and bullshit on the phone and giggle he gives me great advice i lean on his advice more than anything but when we get together there is a weird set like there's a weird feeling of me making him uncomfortable. You're too close. You're too close. No, they're two opposite. He's a Brooks Brothers really tight.

I get that. I get that. But you'll be amazed how often the son is acting out the sort of subconscious dreams of the father. So I'm just saying. I wouldn't be surprised. I remind him a lot of his dad, too. And he lost his dad young. And I think he just sees my lifestyle as a direct early path to a grave.

Well, that probably is true. By the way, I share that concern many times with you, my friend. Thank you for following all my directions. I mean, none of my directions. So, yeah. And so to me, that's about being too close where he's so worried he can't sort of contain himself. Now, when he was on the show, was that scripted? No.

Yeah. See, I see the affection from him. I see it. So maybe you don't feel it. My dad would never read a script, would never read a script, and would never allow you to put words in his mouth about anything. He doesn't trust Hollywood. And he's an attorney, just so we understand how different he is.

Let's take some calls. You guys ready for that? Oh, I can't fucking wait. All right, here we go. This is Is ishmael ishmael is that you ishmael ishmael what's going on buddy hey drew i'm sure you didn't watch uh tom segura and bert's podcast today but bert almost passed out from laughing today so it's just a concern i wasn't sure if you were aware if he did that or not i it sounds like bird what happened bird i had a i had a chest infection that was pretty nasty and it grew into just a nagging cough tested for coronavirus like five times during this period

yeah and uh and sometimes and i'm ishmael thank you for calling i have before coughed and passed out before like in my in my life nearly passed out or really no no i passed out one time yeah i passed out one time and i've and i've had moments where i've laughed so hard or coughed i've gotten to the place where i get dizzy yeah i'm like oh my god i'm gonna pass out yeah but i passed out one time a long time ago and it's usually when i have these... Chest infections. These nagging coughs where it's like a persistent... So what you're doing is you're valsalving. You're bearing down so hard that your pressure just drops and boom.

That's it. You swoon. Yeah. I've had it during that cough. The cough has now disappeared. So I don't have it anymore. You still sound like you have some nasal congestion now. No, no, no. I live with a cat. My wife's trying to kill me.

Thank you for caring about me. This is Nate. What's up, Nate? Hey, how's it going, Dr. Drew? It's good. What's happening? Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Kreischer. I'm just hanging. Good. And? Can you hear me? We do got you well oh good well i just want to say one real quick thing um i walked past burt in la a couple of

years ago he didn't actually smell like shit he didn't smell good he smelled really bad but it wasn't like shit so i just wanted to say that real quick thank you thank you for that my question my question is about uh theAP stuff. I have a really bad snoring problem myself. I've got a friend whose uncle had a surgery. I guess they like made an incision in his neck. And after a hotel stay, he was like, you need to get this surgery done. I have not done a sleep study. I haven't actually researched a ton of stuff, but when I hear things like when I hear advertisements on the radio, they talk about how snoring can take 10

years off your life. Sleep apnea can take that much time off your life. And I'm like, is that an advertising thing or is that actually real? Oh no, that's for real. In fact, the phenomenon of sleep apnea, this is why I'm getting on bird about this so much, that there's the more data comes in, the more ancillary medical problems we understand now are related to the sleep apnea, this is why I'm getting on Bird about this so much, that the more data comes in, the more ancillary medical problems we understand now are related to the sleep apnea syndrome. That constant, that pressure across your chest and pressing down on the abdomen and the transthoracic pressure really is unhealthy for your heart. It causes cardiomyopathy, causes accelerated heart disease, causes pulmonary hypertension, causes metabolic problems. Just get used to that thing, Bert.

Get used to it. It loves you, man. Susan, take a look at that. Yeah. Yeah. I think the rest is true. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

How sexy. If I put the thing right here, you can hear me better. You can ride that thing. So did you know that c-pap married to did you know c-pap spray kills coronavirus c-pap the cleaner you know like clorox it's like but it's safe you can like eat it you can use it on your face and it kills the coronavirus so see there's an upside did you where's the rest of the machine drew the what where's the rest of the machine i want the thing that

shoots the air leanne that that should be my office they didn't they didn't give you that the air didn't come in yeah and the three times she called me i was with him to schedule when to come in i can't come in i asked them to just send the machine that it fits. Everything's fine. I just fitted him. He looks fine. It works. That's as good as it's going to get. Trust me.

And let's do it. Send the machine. I'll do it. I swear to God, send the machine. I'll do it tonight. I'll drive over and pick up the machine tonight. I'll try it.

If it takes years off your life, I'm going to get another one and hook her to it. Oh yeah. A couple of years. I'm going to bang, bang. I don't snore. A little peptide up the butt and then

a little oh yeah how's the power of the peptides going you take those we haven't taken them yet because you scared the living shit out of me drew i didn't care let me shit out i just didn't know what was in those those syringes that's all just like to know what's in there in them i sent you the stuff in them right no nothing it did not say yeah well no i did i sent you no stuff in them, right? No, no. It did not say. No, I did. I sent you the. No, it did not say anything about the contents. It didn't. I tell you. No, no, no. I actually sent three texts of what is in the contents.

Wait a minute. Go to Bert, Leanne, and Drew. Yeah, I'm sure. Bert, Leanne, and Drew. I'll resend it to send it to the top of your email. Yeah. You said pretty sure this is what's in it. So that is not what's in it. So that is not

what's in it. I think I'm the one Look, I speculate, oh this other one I don't know anything about the CJC 1295. Yeah. And what's the TB500?

I've seen Wikipedia of them too. I mean, what is in here for god's sakes who knows i mean i again i i i understand i'm a fan of these peptides and things i understand that it's a new area of reparate soft tissue reparation and it's good but you know, I took this one that you put in the text. I got diarrhea so bad I couldn't sleep for three days. Oh, my God, for three days? Wow. And that's one of the reasons they do try to bypass the GI tract with the injectables and stuff, because some people say, oh, yeah, you can't. Lo and behold, you can get that.

Brian, you have a question for Bird. Yeah, hi. How bad did that emu smell? It was horrible. It was horrible. I think Tom cut into the internal intestines. And so it just reeked, reeked. And then the guy came up, Sweets, and was like, you really fucked this thing up.

And Tom's like, yeah, but we can do a leg, right? so then we cut the leg off and just barbecued the leg it was pretty good somebody prepped that leg though it looked like like oh yeah no sweet sweet yeah sweets did yeah okay because i was looking at like that was my favorite part of the show me and me tom and joey laughed so hard he goes i said sweets that's an interesting nickname how did you get it now if you haven't watched the show sweets was probably about 450 pounds 500 pounds and i go sweets how did you get the name and he goes i'm sweet on the ladies and joey goes are you sure you're not pre-diabetic only like joey can say and they didn't put it in the show because it was a little mean oh my god joey was very funny in the little fireside chat with you guys

he's always funny hey great intestines question to parallel here hey drew yeah so say i got into a car accident not a car accident but like uh they were going like 40 miles an hour but there were little bumper cars that you drive like little go-karts and uh maybe not 40 maybe like 30 miles an hour who knows anyway i got hit in the side and i kind of jocked like my ribs and stuff and everything was tender for a while it's not tender anymore but i was wondering is it possible to bruise your intestines because Because I also wasn't shitting. And now I'm shitting about five times a day. You don't bruise. I mean, you can cause internal bleeding and bruising, but not from a little jab like that.

I mean, that's a more serious thing. And liver and spleen usually bleeds before intestinal walls. You know what I mean? Because it's sort of floating around in there. But you can cause hernias in the abdominal wall and the hernias can get caught in that, the bowel can get caught in that hernia and that can change your bowel habit. That's not what's going on. His amount of pizza eaten is the problem.

Total amount of cheese and pizza eaten is the problem. Pizza eaten. Would I be right? Yeah. Yeah. Total amount of cheese and pizza eaten is the problem pizza would i be right yeah yeah total amount of pizza eaten is on my diet might have affected it i had maybe i had three tony pacco's hot dogs in 45 seconds see yeah and i had pain over here probably no greenery no salad no kale that is yeah that is not the uh that's not the bumper car, my friend. It's a real head-cratcher, Drew. I have a question. Why am I eating four pieces of pizza a night? I can't shit.

I can't figure it out. I don't know. Wow, dude. I predict a time when Tom becomes like an obsessive health nut eater. You know what I mean? Once he gets his head around something, watch out. That could happen to you my friend oh me me i said tom i was like it'll never happen to tom oh no that won't happen tom i met

you if i said tom i meant burke yeah yeah um i become obsessive compulsive and become hypo gymnastic and almost obsessive with eating yeah i can definitely lean into anorexia yeah easily yeah what is hypo gymnastic It's a thing I made up. He just gets excessive. He gets excessive. Hypogymnastic, it sounds like a real word, doesn't it? It does. A couple questions on the chat here. Does

Bert walk around in his backyard naked? Yes. As a matter of fact, hardcore today. This morning, he came out of his bedroom and Ilo came out of her room last night and slept on the couch because she went to sleep with the dog and I just woke her up and I was like warning dad is totally naked so he was walking yep get in the pool swim two laps underwater hold my breath get in the outdoor shower a little shampoo to the face and the head do my pits and balls yeah and i am ready to go bert you make your own mayonnaise do i make my own mayonnaise i don't know hold on

i i don't know if that's an in a stupid joke or if they really mean it i don't know i don't i don't know the joke i don't know but yeah we've made we've we've played around with contaminated mayonnaise on the bus uh and uh on the floor bus and we got sick mud and homemade got it got it got it uh let's see what they're talking about here all right let's go back to the phone calls uh lots of questions for you guys uh oh my goodness uh oh my god well they're they're getting into it so i going to start with an easier one, I think. Zach, go ahead. Hey there.

Hey, Drew. I have a friend, you know, and he likes to fuck dogs. I'm wondering if there's any health concerns. Bert, you must have done something. Let Leanne answer this one. Yeah. Let Leanne answer this one. What would you say to someone who likes to fuck dogs, Leanne?

That's not a good plan. Not a good plan. How would you get someone someone who likes to fuck dogs, Leanne? That's not a good plan. Not a good plan. How would you get someone to stop fucking dogs? I don't know. I mean, how would you get someone to start? That's crazy. Okay, now is when I tell Leanne this is an inside joke that she doesn't know about. Oh, that's the stupid thing.

Oh, yes. I keep forgetting that you fuck dogs. I forget. I forget. How close are you to this trend? Tom Segura is going to see a clip of that and fall out of his fucking porch. I don't listen to your podcast. I'm not

a jeans person. Our fans aren't jeans. Our fans aren't jeans. Our words aren't jeans. We fuck dogs and don't smell like shit. Oh, is that why the guy said you smell like shit? I don't watch the show. It's so much better than me being racist. Keep going.

Exactly. Exactly. You got to watch Two Bears, One Cave to understand what's going on here. All right. But they're going down an interesting path here. Rob, go ahead. Hey, Drew, Bert, Leanne, how you doing tonight? Hey, good evening. So a question for you. So my wife and I have had an argument. So she is diagnosed with ulcerative colitis.

And she asked me tonight, would I still have sex with her if she had a colostomy bag? And I hesitated to answer it and she got all pissed off at me. So, Bert, my question is, if Leanne had a colostomy bag, would you still be able to have sex with her? Yeah. Men, you know, if you had a double amputee, I'd still fuck her. Actually, I'd bug her a lot more. She'd have a hard time getting away from me.

The problems come out the door for me. I'd hang with my arm. The shit splotched around the bag wouldn't put you off? No, I don't give a fuck about that. Listen, I've already signed up. My wife signed up for a relationship she's gonna be wiping my ass one day i am very cool fucking with a bag full of shit stuck to her stomach well here's here's the deal also the the you can you can essentially put

a pad over it and it just it can lay kind of dormant a period of time and you don't have to have a whole bag there you have to look at all that there's ways to sort of deal with the aesthetics of it so yeah you ever seen those girls in porn that have a little bit of belly they always pull their top down to cover their stomach just have her do that oh you go whoa man you're thinking whoo uh huh sexy lingerie yeah we could have a whole line of... I like that guy's question. Okay. Well, we got more. Here we go. Here's Ryan. This is for Leanne, though.

We're going to switch it up. Ryan, go ahead. Hey, Leanne. I was wondering, with Burt's advent of wiping his ass with his own fingers, are you starting any rules of you know making him wash his hands or witnessing him wash his hands before he touches you or you know anything with marital love or things like that that's not true you do have to wash your hands before you touch no yeah yeah i wash my hands listen my problem is it's really my problem really is if you wipe too much with toilet paper you start getting a raw asshole and if you wipe too much and then you have a raw asshole

you really have a hard time getting it clean down there this is very painful so when i'm on the road every now and then yeah no wipe i have a bidet at home i use a bidet at home all the time today i use the outdoor hose just because i was i was done showering and i was like let's get it extra clean i have no problem with that but when i'm on tour on the bus usually is where i do it because the sink is like right here i just rinse one hand take a cup like literally a cup full of water right take it up under push it up and splash it and then just kind of clean over there it's like washing your asshole it really is just washing your asshole. But the question really is, do you wash your hands after? Yes, I wash my hands after.

I definitely wash my hands. After there's shit in my fingernails, I definitely am washing my hands. Oh, that's disgusting. You know what? No, we have a bidet, so... I have a bidet, so I'm like... By the way, I'm so into this,

and I'm not even joking. I was thinking of making, like, a travel bidet, like an attachment you put onto a water bottle. Yeah. So you could just squeeze and then bidet yourself on the road. They call that an, they call that an enema. Uh,

drew giving myself plenty of enemas. I was into enema on the road. So, uh, between the CPAP mask and this, all this shit talk, women are into that bird. I just need one woman to be into it, Drew.

A woman that needs a mortgage paid and a car payment paid. As long as she's into it, cheers. Oh, God. Dylan, go ahead. Oh, wait, we just lost him. Somebody dropped off just as I was getting him up here. But I have another one. Oh, my goodness. People are dropping off here and there. Okay. We're just sort of kind of weirdly jockeying around. Jay, go ahead. First I wanted to say, Bert, Flying Dildos is my favorite story because I accidentally ended up at the Anne Frank House on acid. So I relate to that.

Wanted to know your favorite part of the cabin that didn't make the cut. Oh, oh, oh, I know what it is. It was a seance with me, Bobby Lee, and Donnell Rollins. And the whole seance, the woman was just saying very stereotypical things to them about their fathers. And we couldn't stop laughing because she's like, Bobby, let me guess. She was pretending to talk to his dad. She's like, Bobby, your father cared a lot about grades. And Bobby's like, all of these dads care a lot about grades. He struggled with the English language. And we're like, yeah.

And then she goes to Donnell. She goes, Donnell, I'm assuming your father was away somewhere for a while. And he's like, in prison. You know what I mean? We could not stop laughing. And it didn't make the show. Oh, my God. That's funny.

And also some of the Kaylee Cuoco stuff, I guess, didn't make it either. A lot of the Kaylee Cuoco stuff didn't make it at all. Was she actually a friend of yours, Kaylee? No, no. She just was cool. She said she'd do it. I think she was friends with one of the producers. Oh, got it.

I did Conan with her one time. She seemed very nice, like remarkably sort of. She's awesome. Yeah. She's a really awesome person. And by the way, when the cameras weren't rolling, her and Pat got along really well. It was just, as soon as

the cameras were rolling, it just seemed like the conversation went sideways always. Right. Alright, here we go. We're going to get near a sort of a machine story here. I think. This is Steven. Steven.

Hi, hello. Hey, buddy. Hi, this is Steven. Steven. Hi, hello. Hey, buddy. Hi, this is going out to a foot. Back when you were in the University of Florida, I'm assuming you were voted by the Rolling Stone magazine, like the world's biggest party or something like that. Do you still live up to that uh title maybe we need to revisit that history a little bit because it was a little more complicated right yeah yeah yeah i mean i mean people i mean you're you're you've sort of you've sort of transcended all that history you know what i mean and i don't think a lot of people a lot of people

your fans probably don't even know that history anymore. Yes. So for those of you wondering what we're talking about, in 1997, Rolling Stone magazine wrote a six and a half page article about me calling me the number one party animal in the country. But hang on. But they didn't start out to do that, right? They started out to talk about it. Yeah, go ahead. They wanted to write an article about Florida State. And it was just too broad a subject. And so at the last minute, I was their liaison, their their chaperone taking them around the campus right not like sanctioned by

the school just by Rolling Stone found me I was taking a bong hit at the time when I answered the phone and they were like this is too fucking good to be true and so then they followed me around for for like a week and and then at the last minute they just decided to change the direction of the article and make it about me they're like let's make it about this kid and it changed my life here's the thing is i was i'm always been a big partier but i'm not like a partier the way other there's parts of my partying that people don't understand like i i i can let the party go away i can go to bed i don't do tons of. And I wasn't very promiscuous at all. So whatever I think people thought partying was, I was just very loud.

And the personality that drinking dropped everyone's inhibitions and made impulse a little more accessible for everyone and so i and so that is my attachment to drinking i think as i've gotten older i think there's more of a more of a attachment with i don't know who knows why i drink as much as i do i've drank less now than i ever have but it's still way more. Now it's attached to anxiety and panic and phobias too, right? I think sometimes it's definitely attached to anxiety. Stop, Leanne.

I'm not even looking at you. But yes, anxiety is one of the reasons I drink now. Catastrophe thinking. Yeah, yeah. It's the obsessive thinking the anxiety ocd and anxiety go together in some cases and you're definitely definitely one of those guys i definitely have i didn't know i had ocd until much later in life i didn't realize i had anxiety until much later in life so so then you got that travel channel show right

yep and then you came on my radio show to promote the travel channel TV show, right? Yeah. Yeah. And then, and then that's when someone from my class called and said, Hey, why don't you tell them about the time you robbed a train in Russia? And I was like, Oh shit. And Drew was sitting there like, wait, what? I said, yeah, that's probably the most genuine telling of the version of the story that I

have. Cause it was just based off memory of like these are these simple facts that i'm telling you yeah is how i met them how i got into russia those are all still in the story the story is better now but it's just that and i told it that night and we it was it did really well we were done and then you come back tomorrow and tell it again yes i made you it was it was sort of like i i reacted to it i i don't know how else to say this the way when i watched the movie borat not that you're you were borat but it was sort of in territory i'd never seen or heard before that i thought was hysterical

and so i wanted more people to hear it and then that kind of became the source of your stand starting your stand-, didn't it? Well, my standup, my standup, I think at the time was very derivative, not that original. And it was based off of wanting acceptance out of Hollywood.

So it was based, it was what we were all doing at the time. It's like a rip off of Dane Cook, ultimately our own version of that guy. And then I told that story and I remember everyone wanted to hear it on stage. And I said, no. And then when I told the story on Rogan,

he was like, this needs to be told on stage. And the next weekend was in columbus ohio these kids like this right when podcast is taking off and these kids were in the crowd and he rogan had said chan out the machine until he tells it make him tell us and these kids were like tell it tell it and i was like guys seriously i can't and this kid in the front row i telling you you get one of these in your life one of these this kid in the front row very vulnerable i ended up knowing the kid he goes bert tell it we understand it won't be funny but you need to tell it for it to get good and he was like we'll fake laugh like come on guys right and everyone's like come on

bert you can tell it you can tell it and i, holy, this is the craziness of the podcasting community back in the day. I was like, all right. And I told it and it sucked. And then the next, the same thing happened and I told it and it sucked. And I told it for four years where it was like mediocre. And then one night it shifted. I figured out the end of the story. Once I figured out the end of the story, it was, it was game over.

I could figure I could get, I, I was game over. It was night and day. You could build to it. You guys, I have to take a little break here. I've got lots of calls for you guys. So I'm going to go back to the phones, but we'll take a quick break and be right back. As we're gradually moving back to opening schools and businesses and, of course, our in-person interactions, I want to remind you, this is all time with cold and flu season getting going. Staying hydrated is key to helping your body deal with the added stress and with the upcoming flu season. My regular fans have heard me talk about a product called Hydrolyte for a long time now. It's an amazing rapid rehydration

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We're back. We've had a lot of technical stuff going on here. The ghost is in the machine, Leanne. In the break, I said, ask them what happened if they still have a ghost in their house, and then the ads stopped playing. So there you go, Drew. It's a sign. That's a sign.

It's guaranteed that's what happened. I just want to say that the one that froze is my favorite hydration product called Hydrolyte. I'm a big fan of those guys. By the way, I got Hydrolyte because you, that's the one with the salts in it, right? Yep. And listen, did you get your colonoscopy done? You did that, didn't you? No, not yet.

Oh, dude. But when you do the- You cause so much anxiety in my life. I'm going to resolve all that anxiety. But when you take the prep for the colonoscopy the hydrolyte is like changes the whole experience um but it's like a thousand milligrams of salt in it right there's a lot of salt why because i have to go get one because you'll the all the diarrhea inducing medication or substances you take to flush out can really

make you feel dehydrated i used to get horrible headaches and fatigue and stuff. It just felt terrible. But here we go. How old were you when you got your first colomonoscopy? 50. Every five to 10 years. I'm not 50 yet, Drew. Yeah, but there was some reason.

You were having some blood or something, and I was like, we got to get this done. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. We're good. We're good. We're good. God damn it. You make me want to drink.

There's something going on that. All right. Listen, here's, here's a easy, a light, a softball question. Wait, here we are. Here we are. This is from Chase. Chase, go ahead, buddy. Yeah. Hello, Dr. Drew. Your mom's house fans. I want to say congratulations on your successful marriage. And then for Bert, I wanted to ask, what has been your favorite part of the Hot Summer Nights tour so far? I think this is Chase Lepard. Is that true? It is. Yep, it is.

Working with you this weekend, Chase chase that was the best um i i honestly i've had so many so many beautiful memories on this tour this is we've done now i think four legs of it and uh and my number one i mean getting not my favorite memory is that no one's gotten sick that's the number one thing is that we've done four successful tours none of us have ever even remotely gotten close to covid knock on wood i'm very grateful for that we're very safe but man the sunsets are the amazing the most amazing part the sunsets of it before every show have been absolutely beautiful thunderstorms in the midwest just coming out of nowhere and in a hot night where it's just like 20 miles off, but it's lighting up the sky.

There've been some really gorgeous, seeing this country, this country is fucking awesome. And I've seen it four times. I've been across this country four times this summer in a pandemic. And I've been very, very, very lucky, very lucky. Well, I have an answer to that too, because I get all of his emails from his website.

And my favorite part of this tour is so many people emailing saying, I felt normal just for that time. I felt really normal. Oh, away from the pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Because normalcy, restoring normalcy is much more important than people realize, especially for the kids. Yes.

But I got a little anxious watching you in that tornado. normalcy is much more important than people realize expectantly for the kids um but I I got a little anxious watching you in that tornado oh my God that was scary yeah that was absolutely terrifying that was absolutely terrifying and there's been moments like that like we was once when we were on stage and they were like hey lightning's within like a mile of the venue and you're like huh like there's there's, it's been very, very unpredictable, you know, weather wise, but we've been really lucky.

We only had to cancel one show for this whole tour. And Lisa, you've got a question. Yeah, I do. Hey, Bert and Leanne, big fans of both of your podcasts.

Um, I loved the cabin and I was wondering, are we ever going to see the crystal in your cabin footage? Fill us in. You're good. Fill us in. I'm supposed to say something right now. No,

we decided to go another direction. I forget what I'm supposed to say. No, no, decided to go another direction or i forget what i'm supposed to say no no no you know that that that will not be seen and whitney was there with him is that true okay i'll leave it i'm totally getting in trouble now i don't know i'm i i played football in high school and i have some cte issues okay so. So I'm not sure I can remember. Chronic, traumatic, and stuff like that. Maybe that's where all that anxiety is coming from. Brian, go ahead.

Hey, Bert, if Fed Astronauts takes off and Elon Musk were to ask you if you wanted to go to space, would you and would you take Nadav with you? Then it'll be fat astronauts. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Like I fucking, I would, I remember one time I was drunk

and I was at a party and some guy's producer came up to me and was like, hey man, just so you know, we have the first rights to send someone up in space and me and my brother think it should be you. And I was like,

remember I came home and I was like, I'm going to space. Like I'm definitely going to space. Like I'm going to space. Like, I'm definitely going to space. Like, I'm going to space. I'm going to have to sober up and get clean because I'm sure that's like things you need to do. But I am definitely going to space.

If Elon Musk becomes a fan of Fat Astronauts and is like, hey, I can just make that movie. You guys want to just go a little bit out of orbit? We can just shoot all the scenes up there? We would do that in a second. What I hear Tom Cruise is going to the space station to film Mission Impossible

yeah let's do it put me on there too we'll get in some b-roll shots for me and Tommy's movie Tom what's his name the Mission Impossible actor Tom Cruise okay here we go this is it sounded weird for a second

this is Grace. Hey, Grace, go ahead. Hi, Bert. I was wondering when you first started staying up comedy, how did you get over the anxiety or just kind of overall embarrassment of it? If you could give me some advice on how to kind of jumpstart that.

I'll tell you, the anxiety the day of the show was was almost like uh like crippling and i did a few things a few tricks number one i didn't drink that was the number one thing is i didn't go to the bottle and drink before a show and i've talked about that a lot that i think saved my career i I would do stupid things. Like I went to the Boston comedy club during the day one time and got in there and hung out on the stage and just walked on the stage and stayed on the stage. And I remember thinking if they would let me sleep on the stage, I think I'd be more comfortable. Like, but it was all like, it's all stupid, quick fix things of like, I'd say a prayer every time I got on stage. Um, I wore women's underwear for like the

first three times i thought that would make me like distract me and then ultimately ultimately it is it's just like anything you got to do the hard work and uh and and get on stage enough and i still get nervous to go on some stages like when we went and did the rose bowl i was nervous because i had to follow tom and then uh and then and then when we like and did the Rose Bowl, I was nervous because I had to follow Tom. And then, uh, and then, and then when we, like just recently I got nervous going on stage too, because it's, you sometimes you just never know. You're like the first time we did the hot summer night store to drive in. I was terrified. I was terrified.

I was like, this is going to be a one hour shit show. Yeah. And it wasn't, I was shocked. Yeah. It's hard it's people don't appreciate how much the layout of the audience the kind of room that was there a proscenium or not what's the sound lighting all that makes a difference in how the audience responds it's weird it's uncanny almost to me how much that is important and you also got to realize grace that the energy that you have

inside you that nervous energy is positive energy That's kinetic energy. That's a potential energy that's inside you that the audience will then receive and so that is good energy and don't Don't squash it out with weed or beta blockers or xanax. Let it be there Let it be real and you'll you'll find that your strengths will come out of that Anxiety that your strengths will come out of that anxiety that your strengths will show up and be like wow I can think quick on my feet or I can write a joke quick up here because it's a fight or flight and Bert

and you correct me if I'm wrong but all you know been interviewing lots of comedians over the years most of them say first of all get up there and do it and most of them advise getting your ass kicked a ton like failing a bunch of times it's important I failed so many

times and those failures teach you so much more i remember i brought a guitar on stage that guitar right there and i put it on stage with me and i remember thinking i'll be a guitar comic and all anyone did was stare at the guitar the whole time and they were like when are you gonna play that thing because this sucks and we're ready for that thing and i've never brought a guitar with me on stage ever again uh i don't see you as like a bob saget type uh elijah hey hey uh burke i was wondering during these uh hard political times being on the younger side of your viewer base, what should I expect? Because I've seen nothing but chaos and infighting and cannibalism, and it's just very hard to keep track. You mean, how do you manage your life looking forward is that what you mean yeah

like how do i yeah i get it like all right wisdom from burt kreischer here you go what are you gonna tell your kids yeah no i uh i i'm i mean if you get too close to the fire i think you start losing your mind i think a healthy dissonance and distance and respect. I, I'm, you know, I was just saying this to someone, my dad never let me have an opinion growing up. Like whatever my opinion was, my dad would take the opposite and then, and then tell me I had to figure out why I was wrong. It was like, it was a really weird thing, but I, I learned how to apologize very early on my age and i'm really great with apologizing but i think one of the things oh my god you're fucking really great but i'm better

than you uh you're better than me but i wouldn't say really great i'm awesome at apologizing but what i do what i do and i think this is also a comics thing, is I always, based on my dad, I always take the opinion of someone else. So, like, I'm trying to think of a direct example, but, like, I don't talk a lot about politics because I don't want to offend anyone on either side. If you voted for Trump, I respect the fact that you're an adult and that's how you feel. And if you voted for Biden, I respect that you're an adult and that's how you feel. And if you'd voted for Biden, I respect that you're an adult and that's how you feel. And if you're an African-American and you feel like the police need to be defunded, I respect that.

And I want to hear that. And I think that is something that's missing a little bit, but it's not, I didn't come by that naturally. My dad made me think that way. My dad, when the Iraq war broke out, I went home and I was like,

this is fucking stupid. Peace. Peace rules all. We need to just protest this war. And my dad goes, you're a fucking idiot. Go to just protest this war my dad goes you're a fucking idiot go to your room until you figure out why you're a fucking idiot and i went to my room i was 17 i came down and i was like i don't know why i'm a fucking idiot he goes you don't know anything about what saddam was saying he's killing his own people and we're in there trying to stop

that you understand that i was like i didn't who's saddam hussein and he goes you don't even know who's saddam hussein and i was like okay okay okay but but i think as an attorney he was teaching you how to think and argue right because there's always another side in your own opinion yeah and so i always i always i what it seems like it's almost like i take the opposite side of whoever i'm listening to and i i start arguing it from both sides and i think that it teaches you to respect other people. I've been around the country a lot. I've seen a lot of Trump supporters and a lot.

All my friends are Biden supporters. I've seen a lot of Biden supporters. They're all really good people. And at the end of the day, they just want their families to be healthy and happy and be able to have a regular life, have some cold beer cornhole on the weekend and have sex with their wife. That's it.

That's by the way, I just realized I'm only talking about men rules to live by for men i fair enough men rules live by uh let me see if i can get david in here having a little technical stuff going on david go ahead hello drew hello bert uh i want to start by giving a quick shout out to chase lapard uh because uh i'm a part of the comedy content collective which is his brain baby and i'm also uh the host of dave and jay versus the world but enough about my accolades uh i just got back from the hospital and i had them doing an ultrasound on my testicle to see if I got ball cancer. Why?

Now, as you can imagine, well, I found a lump while I was washing like three, four months back. And why didn't you make an appointment with a doctor and pay $60 as opposed to $1,200 going to the emergency room. Well, because prior to this, I hadn't been to the doctor in probably like a decade or something. I'm not really a, you know, some people aren't into certain foods. I'm just not into doctors, but I think it's going to be part of my future. David, you're speaking to the choir right now, buddy.

I definitely have found a lump, spun out of control, and done the exact same bullshit. I know what you're going through. You went to the hospital for an ultrasound? I went to my ruptured testicle. You ruptured your testicle. You ruptured a testicle. No, no, no. I'm sorry, David.

I ruptured my testicle at Action Park and called you and went to the hospital for an ultrasound on my testicle. Yes, I found a lump in my testicle before we went to Hawaii. I found a lump in my testicle before we went to Hawaii. I found a lump in my testicle before we went to Hawaii. No, but that was from an accident. When you have an accident,

you go to the ER. David, keep going. I understand you. I understand you, David. He just wants support from you, Bird. But here's the deal. This is what drives me insane. People go to urgent care

and emergency rooms for things they could pay $60 for or $85 for at the highest end. And if you walk into an ER, it's $1,200. It's $500. You can go to an urgent care center. Completely unnecessary. Any physician could have handled that with him just with examination. That's it. You don't have to get the ultrasound. Anyway, I'm going to get preachy. Leave me out of this. I love you, David. Thanks, David. Take the call from Mike. Call from Mike. Hold on.

I got to find it. There's Mike. Okay. Mike, go ahead. Hey, Dr. Drew. Bird just wanted to know, big fan. This actually, my question for Dr. Drew actually has a little bit of a compliment for you, sir. Okay.

I don't know if you remember back in March when Hey Big Boy came out on Two Bears, One Cave, you guys were talking about doing shape roll, getting shape for April. Well, I did. I lost 40 pounds, so thank you very much. The only thing is, I think I could probably lose another 12 to 20 in the stomach. I don't know if just toning will help with that.

I'm not doing any weight loss drugs or anything, just purely biking to and from work, which is about seven miles each way. I also make sure that i'm trying to eat better however i think that my metabolism kind of plateaued so i've been trying to very moderately like pizza once a week just so that way it doesn't get used to being on such a low level so that way i could try to get that last 12 to 20 pounds because even though I'm 5'7 and about 2'12 right now, the BMI index, which doesn't really make a lot

of sense to me because I'm pretty muscular, has me still as pre-obese or obese 1. I love the way you said that. I'm pretty muscular. I feel the same way about the BMI scale. It's bullshit. We keep going, Drew.

Bert especially dismisses anything that has his body habitus under any kind of scrutiny. You're pretty muscular too, right, Bert? I have very strong muscles. A really easy thing to do is cut out carbohydrates. Cut out carbohydrates. That will help. Just trust me on that. If you can get carbohydrates down below 35 milligrams a day, 35 grams a day rather, you're in pretty good shape.

It makes a huge difference, particularly with that last bit of weight. Let's see. Guys, I'm going to let you guys go in a few minutes. I'm going to do a couple more calls. I got to do a whole bunch of COVID update stuff. You know that vaccine's coming. You want me to do it with you guys here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you kidding me?

I wrote that vaccine thing down. What do you want to know? Let's do it. 90% effective. That means that 10% of the people that take it will end up getting COVID. Correct. But 90% efficacy. Most vaccines aren't over 70%. 90% is

extraordinary. Yeah, that's extraordinary. It's a very good sign. I believe that physicians will start getting it in December and high-risk people. I think there will be widespread distribution in the spring.

Because the RNA vaccine, which is what the Pfizer is and the Moderna is, I believe you're going to hear about Moderna within the week. That'd be my prediction. I believe you're going to hear about Moderna within the week. That'd be my prediction. I think you're going to hear about Moderna next. And they're very similar vaccines, and they're easy to scale up. And their aim is like 1.5 billion vaccinations. They could certainly be at 50 million easily by the spring.

So they're going to be ready to distribute. And I'm going to be right at the front of the line. Please give me that vaccine. If I don't get it in Mexico first, which Susan seems to be ready to distribute. I'm going to be right at the front of the line. Please give me that vaccine. If I don't get it in Mexico first, which Susan seems to be trying to. By the way, I'm bringing every treatment under the sun down to Mexico. I could treat the whole household now.

It's Heather McDonald, Chris Frangiola, Sarah Colmer. Is that her last name? Sarah's last name. Do you know those guys? Yeah. They're all going with us. So if they get COVID, I'm prepared to treat everybody. That's awesome. So doctors, when can, you know, and I think this is what everyone wants to know,

when can the one percenters get it drilled? Like when can the one percenters get it drilled? Well, you have an inside track with me. So if you're nice to me, maybe there's something like an array. I don't know. I'm not sure. Say this. If you get your CPAP machine, you can have a vaccine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If we motivate him. I like that. And I can make the case that he's high risk. How would you feel? Traveling. Let's play hypothetical. What would you say if Biden came out today and he was like, guys, based off of reparations, people of color are getting the vaccine before white people. How do you think?

Would you be up for that? Yeah. Me too. I'd be cool with that. I'm cool with all sorts of creative solutions. I'm good with that. I think it should go based on income and the rich people get it last.

So it would make everybody happy. So there are 47 vaccines in production right now. The Pfizer is the first to the finish line, essentially. Moderna probably next, AstraZeneca after that. 43,500 people were tested in this particular pool, just the Pfizer pool. No adverse effects of any significance whatsoever. Yeah, really good.

That's my question. Am I going to get an ALS because of this? Well, that's always the concern, right? Because it's immune modulating and stuff. And three years from now, is something going to happen? And we really won't know until three years from now. The probability of that is really, really, really low. So I think you're pretty good.

So what would you say to someone like me who goes, what if this? I go, fuck the vaccine. I'll roll the dice on getting the disease. Let everyone else get vaccinated and let's kill this virus. I understand that. I'm sympathetic to people, particularly in their 30s, who say, hey, if I get this thing, I probably won't even know I have it. So why should I risk getting a vaccine that might have some adverse effect. I would say two things. A, I'm sympathetic to that, and I understand, and I hope you will get to the vaccine soon enough. Because B, you could be an asymptomatic shedder.

We don't know if this prevents asymptomatic shedding yet, but we just think it does. And we don't want you to be spreading it around. So it kind of becomes much like mask wearing, and there's a certain amount of social responsibility in getting this thing done. The hard part on this vaccine is that it has to be stored at minus 18 degrees centigrade, and it can never be warmed up.

So it has to be refrigerated at all times at a freezing level. So we really don't know. That's going to be one of the sort of technical challenges with this. But there was two other really interesting, the Pfizer story just ruled the day. There were two other interesting stories came out. A South Korean company now has a product much like the Regeneron product, showed a 44% reduction in recovery time from COVID and zero hospitalizations. And a study came out today that showed that ultrasounds of the chest and lung are probably superior to chest x-ray to detecting the more serious changes of COVID-19. So it's really interesting.

Really interesting. They say we're talking about these journeymen people that get the virus and the virus sticks around and they're having problems forever. That's what scares me. Yeah. So the long haulers, I have a guy that comes on this show regularly named Dr. Yogendra who is doing a lot of research with that with a guy named Dr. Patterson. And they think it's a low-grade activation of the cytokine system. You've heard of the cytokine storm, the cytokine activation. And they think that they may be able to block that with some of the things we're using to block the cytokine system.

So they're kind of working on that very diligently right now. It's not that the virus is still in their system. It's that it's activated this inflammatory thing that goes on. Steroids might have a role to play as well. I'm going to go back to the phone. Peptides maybe? Huh? Peptides?

Peptides? Yeah, I don't know about peptides. Because I was talking to my cardiologist, Dr. Pepper, and he said that... Keep going. A little comedy for you guys. Michael my cardiologist, Dr. Pepper, and he said... Keep going. A little comedy for you guys. Michael, go ahead, Michael. Hi. I just wanted to say thank you to Bert for, you know, just like making me laugh.

And a late happy birthday, actually, as well. Every Monday when Two Bears, One one cave comes out it's just uh an amazing experience and i just wanted to say thank you hey thank you very much i i i giggled today myself because i'm watching i watch our podcast too because it makes me laugh and uh today i realized i had a realization on the podcast where i realized I'm the Alex Jones of fitness. So, Oh my God. I couldn't stop giggling about that. Oh my God. Thank you,

Michael. Very much. Uh, there was a question here that I, I'm sorry, people I'm not getting to have a lot. I have a lot of things I'm trying to get to here. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I have, I have an issue. I issue i i can i love the show my feet are killing me and i love anything with feet for whatever reason i love toenail removals i love i love just ingrown toenail removal like anything like that it just i have no idea gets it it's like i have the same thing with pimple poppers dilated pores turn me on like i want a dilated pour so bad i would if you told me i could create my own dilated pour on my leg where i could watch it grow and then remove it at my at my fancy oh hello well i don't let him come at you with his fingers, Leanne. John. John, what's up? Hey, John.

Well, too bad. They want to know if, Leanne, you were actually surprised when Bert went on tour at the end of the cabin. If I was actually surprised? Yes. Yeah, i was totally surprised no i just think of course look leanne's acting skills were good enough that and i know leanne i had to ask burt was that was that did she did she know was that just reality i can't tell uh there was there was part of it there was parts of it we needed connective tissue and that and that was one of them. Sorry to take the

veil away. It's been very difficult to talk about, but whatever. No, I think it ought to be... Think about it more positively. Look at what a great acting job your wife did. We all fell for it. I'm not kidding. It doesn't matter. We had the experience when we were

watching it. You know what I mean? The ending didn't play well. And so we needed another ending. And the tour bus was pulling up. And I literally reached out to the production company and said, let's just shoot something and see if you like it. And so we just shot it and they liked it.

Hysterical. Jack, what's up? Hey, what's up, Bert? Hey, Jack. Hey, you know, as a guy who shares a lot of qualities with you, you know, I drink too much. I tend to exaggerate stories. I talk too much. And I don't brush my teeth till noon.

That's not a joke. I'm really just saying, like, we share a lot of qualities, but, uh, I deal, I deal with anxiety really bad and I really didn't have it, have it like you did. I didn't, I didn't get to go to college and like find myself, but I find myself being, being called like the funniest person in the room. Everyone I ever know tells me I need to do stand up. You know, I, I'm consistently the funniest guy everywhere and i really want to do it but i i don't know how i'm really i'm kind of a i'm terrified of the idea i know i think i'd be good at it but i'm just wondering what how you think the best way especially in this time

uh to go about maybe starting to do stand-up would be? It's really rough right now because not a lot of comedy clubs are open. But there are, like if you live in Oklahoma City, there's one that's open and they have open mics. You know, here's the thing you have to realize is that you may think that like I do big tours and I have a couple podcasts and a TV show and that for some reason it was different for me when I started like,

like everyone, like my dad's like, son, this is what you need to do. No, I was just like you. I was just some guy that everyone said, you're the funniest guy. I know you should do standup, not everyone in the world, but like enough where I was like, maybe I should listen to them. And then maybe I should, I mean, I should have, I think I'm, I'm speaking wrong. And then Rolling Stone magazine wrote an article about me,

and it gave me the confidence to try it. But stand-up is a skill and a discipline that must be practiced. It's like anything else. Like playing the piano or something. You've got to do it every day, every day, every day, right? And you may not like writing material. That may not be. Like my buddy Eddie Fernandez is the funniest human being I know,

but he did not like the idea that you would go on stage and say the same joke two nights in a row. It just, it seemed disingenuous to him. Yeah. And so he just didn't do it. And he still remains one of the funniest people I know. It'd be not Leanne doesn't think so, but I think so. Corolla had a bias against that for a long time.

Hey, thanks to Nathan H and DJ Medusa for their YouTube super chats. This is Russell. Russell, go ahead. They want to know if there's going to be another season. Oh, is there another season of The Cabin coming? I don't know. I don't know. Hopefully.

I really hope so. And I hope I get to go beyond it. I mean, not to be too sure, but I think it would be pretty funny. You would be great. I think it would be pretty funny. You would be great. I think it'd be pretty funny. Who would you want to, who would you want to be with? Any of the, well, Joey, if he comes back, but hold on a second there. That is, uh, talking to us is, uh, Russell.

Hey, Russell. Hello. Hey man. What's up? Oh, um, what's going on first i wanted to say um to everyone really um to you know help thank you for the laughs and everything through covid and helping me get through everything um but i just wanted to ask everyone what do you what do you guys have to say to um covid deniers are there really true COVID deniers at this point?

I don't know what that means. Yeah, there are. What does that mean? That there's a conspiracy and the whole thing doesn't exist? It's one thing to say there's an overreaction to it or to have a conflict around masks or vaccines. But what do you say?

What are they saying? There's no such thing as this virus? Bert? I can answer that if you don't want to yeah i can yeah so i've i've traveled obviously a ton and i've seen people i remember being in joplin missouri and our bus was there and this guy came out from this restaurant came running to the bus and i was like what's up man he's like hey i need to get a picture and i was like i was like oh we got to stay socially distant he goes oh you're not one of those people that believes in covid are you and i was like no i definitely believe in it and he was like oh come on man and then i was like if i don't if we don't get a socially distance picture i'm just gonna get lit up i mean i just i just perused i just perused uh instagram and

saw people i grew up with at bars this weekend and and so there are people that i think maybe maybe they think the virus is real but they figure that it's not as bad as what everyone's saying that's what they think what i when you really what's that it's what it makes me suspect what bothers me is when you see the release of these vaccines the week after the elections you wonder what like what how much are people pulling the strings when they pump the virus up or then deflate it? Is it politicized? Because that would really break my heart because I'm a rule follower. I'm a rule follower. Yeah, me too. Well, I think the lockdowns were grossly excessive,

but you didn't know it at the time, right? We didn't know because we didn't know what this thing was going to do. Now it's kind of clear we can live with it. We can distance, we can wear masks, we can get a vaccine going. We have great treatments now. So it's not what we thought it was. So the reactions were excessive in the beginning. And so some people are looking back, oh, you see, I said we shouldn't have done that. Well, we didn't really know what was going to happen back then. I understand that. I was thinking about it today going, we used to wipe down pizza boxes. Oh yeah. Think about that. Or groceries. You know, when you brought in your groceries, you'd have to wear gloves and

stuff. I mean, it was, it was ridiculous. It was true. And by the way, it was outside for three weeks at the same time where you're being told not to wear masks. Remember that there was a, I mean, everyone got everything wrong. It was a mess for a long period of time, but now, uh, it's pretty clear. We're, we're going to wind this thing down soon. And in the meantime, we've got to keep as many people as well as possible. We never intended to eliminate the virus

or stop death. That was the idea was to prevent the hospital system from being overwhelmed. And that got left in the dust months ago. I don't know why that priority didn't prevail. And all of a sudden it became nobody can get COVID. And it's like, well, one thing that's happening right now, by the way, as far as the data goes, it's really very clear.

When you look at the case rate, it's way up. And I think it may be turning the corner a little bit. I hope so. But the death rate is just not budging, even though the hospitalization is heading back towards the 60,000, which seems to be the threshold we get to every time we have a surge, which means we're just doing better with the treatments. And maybe younger people are getting it and they aren't getting a six. So hopefully the data will bear that out in the meantime. You guys, I thank you so much for being here. It was a blast.

It's always fun spending time with you guys. I could just go on, but I've got to go do a Fox 11 show right now. That's a vaccine. We're going to talk about the vaccine nonstop, I think. Dr. Oz is going to be there with me. Dr. Oz and I. Get me the, hey, ask Oz what he thinks about peptides on the DL. You know that dude's on them.

Hey, Drew, get me the other half of this thing. I'm ready to use it. Don't make that Drew's problem. Leanne, get me the other half of this. Leanne, if you use it. Don't make that Drew's problem. Land, get me the other half of this. If you have any trouble, let me know. My office will help you get it. That's right. Text me.

That's right. Text me. My real job is I see I have a vaccine enthusiast there with Bert, and I got to make sure he gets the vaccine. So I'm going to be working on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meet you at Segura. The Illuminati of podcasting.

Let's get vaccinated. You think Segura will do it? Are you fucking kidding me? Hey, let's bend. Me or Segura. The Illuminati of podcasting. Let's get vaccinated. You think Segura will do it? Are you fucking kidding me? Hey, let's bend him over on the fuck. You know he'll pay top dollar. Me and you get the vaccine and be like, they're five grand a pop. You'll be like, I don't care.

I'll get the whole YMH studios while I'm getting vaccinated. So your mom's house, Two Bears, One Cave. My pod there is, uh, Dr. After dark wife of the party where we can see Leanne's podcast. Uh, where, where do they go?

Is there a website that you want them to go to? Wifeotp.com. Wifeotp.com. And, uh, Bert Kreischer.com or something. Bert, Bert,

Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert.com. You guys, thank you for being here. And I look forward to seeing you soon. All right. Thank youp.com You guys, thank you for being here and I look forward to seeing you soon, alright?

I love you guys. Love you too. Bye-bye. See you guys. Susan's screaming in the background. I don't know, Mike. They like to keep me quiet. Lily, I got an emergency use from the FDA for the monoclonal antibody study. That's very good news

as well. Again, there's a lot of good news coming in on the COVID front right now. And it's both therapeutic, diagnostic, and vaccine. And you don't need giant leaps forward to make a real kind of significant change in the direction of all this stuff. So hopefully this current surge we're in will kind of settle. Andrew Oshkosvili, I didn't see what you might have told us here, unfortunately, because I've been away from the thread and you always give me something good. So I'm looking back through it and I don't see it. Uh-oh. I know. Okay. Andrew, Novavax just got fast-tracked for

the FDA. I'm aware of that. Face 3 of child in by the end of December. True. So, again, there's 47 vaccines out there. I predict Moderna's next based on what I'm hearing, like maybe immediately, like a week or so. But it all points towards vaccines by the end of the year and widespread in the spring. So, again, Bert, Bert, Bert, Bert and wife of the party. And, uh, where else do we want people to go? Bert cast. Hey, all his tour dates are on there. He's, he's out on the road and don't forget to see the Netflix, the cabin. Oh yeah, for sure. It's on

Netflix. That's what we were talking about. Now you and I, Susan are, I believe out of pocket for a couple of days, right? Yeah. We won't be back until Thursday, and we'll be in Mexico. Okay, so we're going to miss Tuesday and Wednesday. I think if we have Wi-Fi, we'll find out when we get there. We're going to be making every effort to be able to do this from a distance. So we'll be with you on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, probably early Saturday. He's going to get his Mexican tan. Yep, and again, I'm bringing Decadron and Ivermectin.

Drinking tequila. All kinds of stuff to treat the crew if we get sick. Yep. And again, I'm bringing Decadron and Ivermectin. Drinking tequila. To treat the crew if we get sick. I'm just going to drink tequila and then that way I won't get sick. Yeah, that'll do it. For those of you in the queue, I apologize that I did not get to everybody. We had lots of great calls. That was a fun show, though. Great guests.

Great guests, great callers, great participation on the thread. I mean, if you didn't see yesterday's show, you might want to look at that too. We did a great Zoom meeting. Zoom party. Yeah, a Zoom party that we then streamed. And that's going to be a model for something we do going forward. Yeah, when we get back from Mexico. If we can do it, can we do it from Mexico?

Is that a chance? No, I don't have Zoom in Mexico, honey. You know how that works out. It doesn't work. But we will have Heather McDonald and Chris Fangioli and Sarah. She's also a comedian and everybody knows her, but I can't remember her last name off the top of my head. Kelowna.

Kelowna. Okay. But they will be with us, so it should be fun. We'll have them. I'll bring the camera and the computer and And you guys can ask questions on Restream. And then we'll get to see your beautiful faces when we come back. Because I really liked having the opportunity to do a Zoom meeting with our audience. Yeah.

All right, you guys. We will see you on Thursday, hopefully in one piece without COVID. I'm trusting my wife to keep me safe. We'll be fine. All right. See you then. Ask Dr. Drew is produced by Caleb Nation and Susan Pinsky. This is just a reminder that the discussions here are not a substitute for medical care or medical evaluation.

This is purely for educational and entertainment purposes. I'm a licensed physician with over 35 years of experience, but this is not a replacement for your personal physician, nor is it medical care. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, don't call me. Call 911. If you're feeling hopeless or suicidal, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 anytime, 24-7 for free support and guidance. You can find more of my recommended organizations and helpful resources at drdrew.com slash help.