Ask Dr. Drew - Paulina Pinsky – Dr. Drew's Daughter & Coauthor of "It Doesn't Have To Be Awkward" – Ask Dr. Drew - Episode 49

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

In their new book (It Doesn't Have To Be Awkward - https://drdrew.com/awkward ) Dr. Drew and his daughter Paulina Pinsky break down the three most important aspects of any healthy relationship: trust, compassion, and boundaries. Paulina Pinsky teaches comedy writing to high schoolers at Columbia University. But more importantly, she likes to write about female sexuality, feminism, and the discomfort of living. Paulina holds an MFA from Columbia University and lives in Brooklyn, New York, with her tuxedo cat, Jack. Follow Paulina online at https://twitter.com/mizpiggy111 or at https://paulinapinsky.com  Ask Dr. Drew is produced by Kaleb Nation ( https://kalebnation.com) and Susan Pinsky (https://twitter.com/FirstLadyOfLove). THE SHOW: For over 30 years, Dr. Drew Pinsky has taken calls from all corners of the globe, answering thousands of questions from teens and young adults. To millions, he is a beacon of truth, integrity, fairness, and common sense. Now, after decades of hosting Loveline and multiple hit TV shows – including Celebrity Rehab, Teen Mom OG, Lifechangers, and more – Dr. Drew is opening his phone lines to the world by streaming LIVE from his home studio in California. On Ask Dr. Drew, no question is too extreme or embarrassing because the Dr. has heard it all. Don’t hold in your deepest, darkest questions any longer. Ask Dr. Drew and get real answers today. This show is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. All information exchanged during participation in this program, including interactions with DrDrew.com and any affiliated websites, are intended for educational and/or entertainment purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. And someone with even a lot more to say is my daughter Pauline, who is here with me today. We are celebrating the release of our new book. There it is. It doesn't have to be awkward. You can pick it up now, Amazon, anywhere else. You can go to doctor.com slash awkward

is a place where you can get the book as well. Your local bookstore. Local bookstore. Special order. Right. We are on, oh, does it need a special order? No, it's everywhere. I didn't think so.

And so we're also on Clubhouse taking your calls if you want to come up and ask us questions. We're going to kind of be talking about the book today, I hope, but we'll take any, you know, it's sort of an AMA thing if you guys want to ask other stuff. Happy to do so. You raise your hand here at Clubhouse and I'll bring you up to the podium. Now, if you agree to come up, note well that you are also on Twitch, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, and I think Rumble. Caleb, Rumble also? I'm not sure.

I think we do do Rumble. Yes, also not sure. I think we do do Rumble. Yes, also Rumble. I've never heard of Rumble before. There's more platforms all the time. In fact, Caleb, my Locals platform was complaining that we don't do a separate Locals sort of screen, much the way Scott Adam does all these different screens. So we can kind of talk about that at some point. So Paulina came in- Actually, what I had heard is that Rumble is being built into locals pretty soon. And so you'll actually be able to merge all that stuff together. There you go. We have like a partnership coming up. That is the voice of God. That is Caleb Nation, our producer. And he is in Alabama while he produces the show from there, which is the wonder of the digital

world. Our laws as it pertained to substances are draconian and bizarre. The psychopath started this. He was an alcoholic because of social media and pornography, PTSD, love addiction, fentanyl and heroin. Ridiculous. I'm a doctor for f***'s sake. Where the hell do you think I learned that?

I'm just saying. You go to treatment before you kill people. I am a clinician. I observe things about these chemicals. Let's just deal with what's real. We used to get these calls on Loveline all the time, educate adolescents and to prevent and to treat. If you have trouble, you can't stop and you want to help stop it. I can help. I got a lot to say. I got a lot more to say. I want to give a shout out to our good friends at Blue Mics.

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that plugs right into your computer to XLR professional mics like the mouse or the blueberry we use in the studio right now. Bottom line, there's a blue microphone to fit your budget and need. I can't say enough about blue mics. And once you try one, you will never go back. Trust me. To take your audio to the next level, go to drdrew.com slash blue. That is drdrew.com slash B-L-U-E. Anyone who's watched me over the years knows that I'm obsessed with Hydrolyte. In my opinion, the best oral rehydration product on the market. I literally use it every day. My family uses it.

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water, make a great tasting drink, has 75% less sugar than your typical sports drink, uses all natural flavors, gluten-free, dairy-free, caffeine-free, non-GMO, and even vegan. Hydrolyte Plus Immunity is also now available in ready-to-drink bottles at the Walmart next to the pharmacy, or as always, you can find it by visiting hydrolite.com slash drdrew. Again, that is H-Y-D-R-A-L-Y-T-E dot com slash D-R-D-R-E-W. Be sure to use the code drdrew25 for a special discount. So I'm also watching you guys on the restream. And thank you for the congratulations on the book. We appreciate it.

Yes, a trustee. Paulina is one of the triplets. She is 28 years of age. And let's see, you know, were you the one, show yesterday, by the way, it was fascinating, but about General Kemmler, who the Americans hid. And he, I'll tell you the story sometime. It's not where they were hidden. But you can watch the stream.

In any event, Hitler is a reference to your mom's house thing, where your mom's house, the users there send crazy videos in. And one video series is this psychotic young lady who goes online every day because she thinks she's talking to Hitler. So her sort of video logs or video diaries start out with, hey, Hitler, every day. I feel like you've explained this to me so many times. Yes. But I forget every single time

because it's such a strange. And we really don't even know if she's part, if she's in on the joke or if she's actually psychotic, it's kind of hard to tell. So it may be sad. And by the way, it stopped after a period, which means she probably got treatment and stuff. So it's good. Okay. Well, here's a Stephanie who comes right at us with questions that you are teed up for. You ready? I'm not sure quite what you're asking, Stephanie, but I'm going to tee it up for Paulina, and she should be able to answer this for you in some fashion. And the question is, and I think I know what she's asking,

are transgender and gender dysphoria the same thing? So I want to start by saying that I am not a transgender person. I have studied queer issues, and so I'm going to answer to the best of my ability. And we both have friends that are transgender, a transgender person. I, you know, have studied queer issues. And so I'm going to answer to the best of my ability. And we both have friends that are transgender, both of us. Right. And I've had patients that are transgender many over the years, way back before it was a common topic too.

So gender dysphoria is part of the experience of being trans in that gender dysphoria is a symptom of being caught in the wrong body. So experiencing gender dysphoria would be like, I have a penis, but I am a woman. And I think it was also part of the in the DSM five or four as sort of a way to categorize it. Yeah, it's there's debate about whether it should be pathologized, but I think there will always need to be a diagnosis. Do you know why? Why? Because of the way the medical system works. A lot of the treatments for people who have these feelings require medical management and you can't get reimbursement for medical management without a diagnosis. But then also

just the sort of phrase gender dysphoria is kind of problematic. Right. I bet that gets morphed into something else. Yeah. However, we did an interview here with Caitlyn Jenner. And I don't know. It wasn't here. I had dinner with her right before that.

And she really, I did not know how long she struggled with this. And to describe it as a gender dysphoria would describe the state she was in. She was really, I mean, she'd created this huge edifice, Bruce Jenner, on Wheaties boxes and was feeling so horrible about it. She was dysphoric. Make no mistake about it. But that being said, gender euphoria exists. So people who are living freely as trans people, if you, you know,

search the hashtag gender euphoria, you will see a lot of trans people living freely and happily in their bodies. And so, yes, gender dysphoria is part of the trans experience, but so is gender euphoria. Interesting. That's an interesting way to frame it. So somebody on the stream here asked, I think they asked, so what's the book about? I think, yeah, there it is. What's a pocket full of posies, which wish that was your screen name. So what is consent about? I mean, what is the book about? So there was a book that I was approached to do about consent in the aftermath of the, not the aftermath, the middle of the hashtag me too stuff. And young people were very confused and very upset. They didn't want to do the wrong thing. So we talked about writing a book and I just said, I need a young voice.

And Paulina is a writer. Paulina knows this territory well. She's living at Columbia all the time. Let me bring her in. And that was a very, very good move. So consent was the original conceit, but we backed, again, the topic to us felt much broader. We wanted to take it away from legal consent and medical consent and tackle the broader topic of relationships and how to navigate relationships, consent being a piece of it. But how do you set up relationships so consent can be navigated more easily. Ultimately, by taking consent out of a sexual context and putting it into an interpersonal context, it gives people a lot more practice with consent before they get into a sexual situation. So we have lots of comments and we have some questions here. I'm going to get the hands that are up if I can get my phone to work here. All right. Again, my phone is always wonky with Clubhouse. Katie. Katie, what's going on there? There you are. Hi, Katie.

Hi, guys. Congrats on y'all's book, by the way. Thank you. Cheers, thank you. Wanted to ask about, I guess, in that realm of consent and had questionable stuff with a pediatrician as a kid and was wondering how do you go about uncovering it

or I've even talked to other people within that world of you have to just file a complaint almost like you know I had bad service at a restaurant or something weird well how do I like navigate that world it's a? I'm not sure. I'm laughing in a sort of glib way because there's not a super satisfactory way to do this at a distance. How long ago was that? Oh, my God. I mean elementary school. I mean I'm in my early 30s now.

I think the best way to do it, and if other people have other ideas, I'm open, but this to me seems like the way to do it. It's, it's much like finding a police report when you realize years later, somebody did something bad to you and you, you at least want that on the record in case there are other people that start reporting stuff. So you sort of get a file there. Does that make sense? Right. And so the, what state are you in? I'm in NC, North Carolina. There is a medical board. In California, it's called the Medical Board of Quality Assurance. I don't know if it's called Bumquah there or what, but there is a medical board, a state licensing board. Let's put it that way.

There's a bureaucracy that supervises and issues the licensing for physicians, you should make a complaint. At very minimum, the physician is asked to respond to it, provide the records. And if there are other complaints, believe me, that agency will make note of it. And I think too, the fact that you're willing to talk about it and talk about it with other people is a huge, huge, huge thing. And I find when, I mean, obviously, you know, talking about childhood abuse is really difficult, but I just want to commend you for just talking about it and potentially talking about it with others, because I think the more that we talk about it, the more destigmatized it becomes. No, I appreciate that. Honestly, watching the story of the gymnast, the U.S. gymnast, it kind of opened this Pandora's box of, oh my God. Well, let me just tell you that,

you know, I think about what that was and how that happened. And there was a lot of strange practice in, in pediatrics and gynecology back in the day where, where kids and women were treated, were objectified, highly objectified. And we, the physicians just did what they needed to do, you know, whatever it was, I just, just sit tight while I do it. And I, I remember when I, I don't know why this is occurring to me, but I remember when I was a ward clerk at a hospital and I was like a 20-year-old. And a pediatrician, a surgeon actually, went in and tried to express an abscess following an appendicitis on like a 9-year-old. And this 9-year-old was screaming her brains out in pain. And I'll never forget it.

I was not a physician yet. I was 20 years old. I was like, oh my God, there has to be a better way. And, uh, and he was angry with the patient for not sitting still while he did what he had to do. And that that's kind of, for me, what was kind of going on at the time, you know, it's just, uh, you know, your objectification is almost too kind a word to what, what it used to be. But there you go. I mean, watch the Nick if you want to see how it went at the turn of the 20th century.

That was the best rendition I've ever seen of how medicine. On one hand, it was wonderful and glorious that they were trying to help people. On the other, they just were kind of wild in what they did. So, all right. Thanks, Katie. Good luck with that, okay? Thank you all so much. All right. Thanks, Katie. Good luck with that. Thank you all so much. All right. You bet. I saw something else I wanted to comment here and now I've already forgotten what it was.

That is the aging brain issue. Thank you so much. Can I interject for a sec? Before you do, real quick, Caleb, Twitch is saying they can't log in right now. That's weird. No, they're on there. That's strange. I'll look at it.

Well, there's something weird with Twitter. Like, um, it switched over from Periscope recently. So I can see that we have people watching, but I can't see their comments and they're not coming through the restring. Oh, that's interesting. And when we re we had to reconnect with Twitter, maybe Caleb needs to go in there and figure out how to make sure it's true. I've noticed I have not, I just noticed I wasn't seeing Periscope. I mean, there's 34 people there. I just told them to go to the other platforms if they want to make comments

on the restream. So if you go to drdrew.tv and click on the link to Facebook, YouTube, or Twitch, then you can leave a comment and Drew will be able to see it. He doesn't really, he isn't, we're not really able to see it on Rumble, but you can leave comments there, but we probably won't see those either.

Uh, Dama Yanta. I'm not quite sure what you're saying there. One day we'll get this all perfected. I know of course you want, but I, but I appreciate your, your positive comments there and his gratitude. Uh, wait, let's see. Thanks Paulina Third Gender. Don't read out loud just in case this is something that, uh, so in the meantime, let me

just read some of the other ones. It's hard to follow that one. You, you, uh, deal with this. I'll deal with that. Uh, so somebody was also talking about, um, American frontline doctors and stuff. Listen, the, the, the, there's going to be real treatment soon. There's everybody sit tight within a month. There's going to be extremely powerful antivirals. And so these sort of slop shots on the, on the margins, which we've been trying to use, you know, repurpose things and never, you know, one of them helped me fluvoxamine helped me a lot. I'm not saying there's nothing to it. I'm saying it's marginal compared to what we're going to have soon. So sit tight, sit tight, everybody. And, and my, my advice to everybody, don't be confident in your opinions about anything when it comes to COVID.

Be skeptical. Be open. Be, you know, sort of fluid in, you know, what you're thinking. Always don't let cognitive dissonance, you know, prevent you from thinking more clearly and updating your priors. Constantly update your priors. That's medicine. Okay. Let's go to Dustin.

Again, you're going to be streaming on multiple platforms if you agree to come up to the podium here. And Dustin, what's going on? Hey, Dr. Drew. I just wanted to ask about some allergy symptoms that I've been dealing with pretty much my whole life. I figured out a few years ago that it was a lot was a lot of diet related stuff and i lost 50 pounds a lot of the allergy medications when i had to take one away um but recently the last month or so i've been having some severe allergy symptoms and i had to switch up my medication from loratadine to the reactant version. Okay.

And that's where I took care of it. One of the things that was weird was when I was having allergy reactions, like when I would drink alcohol, it didn't affect me as much. And what would you call allergy reactions? So trouble breathing, stuffy nose, know there's there's fatigue that goes along with that because so that's that's really that's really interesting i i i don't have any good explanation for that was it any particular kind of alcohol beer beer beer interesting you would think i would think that would make it worse but but um i will tell

you when i was i had the strangest thing when i was having my long haul covid my fatigue would get significantly better with one glass of wine and with a second glass of wine become twice as bad it was the strangest thing yeah let me let me clarify so what i mean is when i was having the allergy symptoms the the alcohol didn't get me drunk and when i took the antihistamine then i could then i could you know get intoxicated i i have no explanation for that although antihistamines were already sedating but i have no good explanation for that. Although antihistamines are already sedating, but I have no good explanation for that. I'd have to really study what was going on. Yeah. A friend who's a doctor who deals with these kinds of allergies stuff said it might have something to do with

my liver, but we're going to do some blood tests and figure it out. You literally, you drank as much as, no, it's a brain thing. You drank as much as normally intoxicates you, right? Yeah. And after the loratadine or the other drugs, you didn't get it. So I, you know, there are, there is, you know, alcohol dehydrogenase metabolism is something that's not that well understood. And that's the first thing that alcohol hits when it hits your stomach. We know that women have significantly less alcohol dehydrogenase,

and as a result, they're much more prone to alcoholic liver disease. So we know that the accumulation prior to the alcohol dehydrogenase is some of the toxic effects of alcohol to some extent. Some of it is the direct effect of alcohol. So again, I don't have a good explanation for it. We'd have to really put you in a lab and study you. Sorry about that. So Pauline, how about the, how was the flight after today, by the way, she came out here just to be with us. So to be with you all on the book tour. Yeah. Yeah. To sit here and be quiet. Yeah. I woke up at five 30 this morning and made my way to JFK.

And the flight wasn't so bad. I told myself I was going to work the full six hour flight. And instead I slept. Did you come to Burbank or did you go to LAX? So with Chris here, our friend from Wisconsin gets right. How is that seat? I changed to the exit row and that was a mistake. Oh, so our friend in Wisconsin says, Paulina,

do you think you could do a reality show about figure skating moms similar to dance moms? Oh my God. No offense, Susan from was Chris. Um, she wasn't a bad skating mom. She wasn't the one with like, you know, facelift, uh, and, uh, proclivity to suing people. So, but yes, there should be a reality show about skating moms. Though I will say everything besides I, Tanya, is inaccurate about ice skating because there's too much of that like princess veneer. So I, Tanya is accurate, you're saying?

Oh yeah. Perfectly accurate. Allison Janney with the parrot on her shoulder is like quintessential skating mom. Yeah. Let's see what else we got here. The questions. Hey, those are my friends. Were they, we had a, we had a nice group of friends though, that we did. We're not so, well, they were always, all of my friends were better figure skaters than me. And so I would like go when they were at nationals or whatever. And, um,

those people we made good friendships with. Right. Well, we're still friends. We're still friends with some of them. Yeah. And one of, um,

I'm not going to say her name on the live stream, but one of the Pasadena girls is in my writing workshop right now. Oh, that's great. Yeah. She went to Harvard or something. She went to Harvard for architecture. Yeah.

Yeah. I remember she was a lot smarter her dad was they weren't trying to make her a figure skater for a living they wanted her to go to college yeah I'm reading through the

the screens here I'm sorry there's lots of action going on on the restream I Tanya was amazing Alessandra Jenny deserved the Oscar yes indeed the screens here. I'm sorry. There's lots of action going on on the restream. I, Tanya was amazing. I deserve the Oscar. Yes, indeed. Uh, I think you would make an amazing reality show, frankly, but it would have to have, have an insider. Like, I think that's part of the problem is that it's always an insider or a mole. Wow. Maybe me. Oh, I see someone who can, who can walk you through it. I agree with that. Yeah. That's a great, that's a great note. Oh, I see someone who can, who can walk you through it. I agree with that. Yeah. That's a great, that's a great note. Hmm. I'm going to give that some thought, um, any producers out there and we're going to think about this, but the, you'd have to figure

out what the stakes were. There's always stakes every week. There'll be a new competition. I really, yeah. Well that if it was a summer season, but I also think, so I did ice theater growing up, which is essentially Disney on ice, but shorter and with children. Right. And, you know, we did Lion King. I did Muppets. I did Cats on Ice. I did Avatar. Seven years.

Cirque du Soleil. You name it. We did it. And that was the reason I quit figure skating were the people on that team. So not all of them, some wonderful people, but all it takes is an outlier. I would argue that it was not the individuals. It was the dynamic of the whole thing as much as anything. Plus it was, it wasn't the A-list skaters.

It was the B-list skaters. And they were, you know, it was a more of an artistic thing than a competitive. But they were very good. I mean, there was competition among groups. I remember some very good skaters in that group. Yeah, they were. No, they were. But it wasn't like you were trying to beat each other.

You were a team trying to beat. But that was the problem. And then you had. They're used to beating each other up. Like your friends are your competitors and your competitors are your friends. And so when you try to have them all be on a team together, they don't know how to relate to each other. Um, so, um, we have a regular, uh, friend here, Tom cigars, and he wrote something I literally need help with. He said, he, he says, I can help. I'm Oriental. And what I need help with is that's not a word I'm comfortable in my mouth. How do I

use it? How am I supposed to use that? Please, Tom, help me with that. And Ilana says... You're allowed to say it if you are, right? I think it depends. I mean, it's an antiquated word. Yeah, but it's being brought back. I know it is kind of coming back.

I mean, it's for the Asian community to reclaim. I understand. That's why I'm asking you for help. I agree. But Asian includes Indian Asian, you know, Southeast Asian stuff too. So it gets confusing. community to i understand that's why i'm asking him for help i agree and but asian includes indian asian you know southeast asian stuff too so it does it gets confusing um edward saeed ilana says who's also one of our regulars that you should write a book on this which i i try i like i know i'm thinking about it as a ya novel actually maybe because i want to repurpose real life experience yeah yeah also

fictionalized no that you could write that in an afternoon too yeah but it's so hard like ice skating is such a hard topic for me to broach it might be very uh therapeutic yeah i like that idea yeah make it so that you can make a movie christ says, are the antivirals similar to those that are already on the market? One is a former HIV medicine that was not very good, but it's very good against coronavirus. So yeah, repurposing medicines is always the right way to go because you know the safety profile.

So it's a much quicker way to bring things out. And it turns out this one is very good against coronavirus. So it will be probably the first one out. It's called molnupiravir. And my fear is that having a single antiviral agent will create viral resistance, which is inevitable. So we got to get a second one out quickly so we can be taking two at a time, much like we do with HIV and AIDS. That's why we take three of those. Okay, here we go. Tom cigars. I think Oriental is like the rug.

Now you're confusing me more. I know they're Oriental rugs, but those are sometimes made in Iran. I guess Americans prefer I call myself Asian. I do Oriental to troll them. Persia. That's good. Yeah, Persia. Well, it's Iran.

And Tom's, you're just making me screwing with my brain. He's being a goofball. I know he is, but he's also trying to help. He's laughing. Look at his last comment. And Tom, that word, I will not, that should not come out of my mouth. Don't say it. I won't. No, no, no.

Don't say that. No, I know better. Is Adam Carolla going to come on the show? He's been on before. Oh, Jesus, Tom. I'm going to stop watching your thread just you know so okay we missed you tom we know you're there i'm charged the la drug market i don't know what's going on there okay let's go to some more calls here everybody so thank you for that Anything you want to say about the book while we're sort of on a little repose here?

How's it been going, like, as far as people, responses and stuff? I've been getting positive responses. No one said anything mean to my face yet. I like that because whenever I've written a book in the past, it has not been that way. So I consider that a good sign. Now you can all go run to Amazon and give me some terrible comments. That's amazing. Caleb, how has the sales been from your standpoint? You had to,

you looked into our, the guts of our operation today. Are we doing okay? I get to see those numbers on Friday. So I'll let you know how that will be four whole books. So we'll see, uh, William bringing William up here. Somebody on Twitch said, Tom, go ahead and block yourself. Right, exactly. Just go ahead. Hi, William. Congratulations on the book.

That's awesome. I guess I kind of have a meta question. What is it like to write a book as a father-daughter team? Yeah, a lot of people ask us stuff like that, and I appreciate the question. I'll let Pauline answer first. It was interesting. I mean, it's my first book, so it's exciting to just move through this process and learn just through just promoting it and writing it and everything that a book entails. So it's been an education of sorts, but I would say it was

challenging. I think I said on the Heather Dubrow podcast, like I would call my dad every six weeks worried that our relationship was only a working relationship. Right. That it was going to somehow be. How did you imagine that? Well, because like, you know, we would have these huge meetings and then like hop off the call. And then I would realize I hadn't talked to my dad in three weeks. I see. Okay.

All right. So it was like a little bit of a head trip, uh, navigating that space. But I think through the process of writing this book, it is strengthen our relationship. Um, and especially I think this book, um, we create a framework that you can use with any relationship. So the central idea is trust, compassion, and boundaries, TCB. And I think tell the TCB story. So when I was in the third grade, I became obsessed with Elvis Presley and I started reading books about him, which was like his pack of friends. And they were all gifted TCB necklaces with a lightning bolt. And so I immediately was like, Mom, I need this for Christmas. And I wore that necklace for 10 years.

I prayed to Elvis before, I mean, before ice skating competitions and also just before tests and interviews and things that are important to me. And so TCB, taking care of business was, you know, it's my first tattoo. It's, you know, it's a mantra that I've been living with for a long time. And so to repurpose it for this book and give it even more meaning was really meaningful for me. So in the framework of the book, TCB is trust, compassion, and boundaries. The idea being if one of those elements is out of whack, then you can't consent or you're not relating to someone in a healthy fashion.

So through TCB, I think that we are able to communicate with each other a little bit more readily. And I think when it comes to like the process, it was just me being very verbal about my boundaries in a way that I never had before. Well, and we learned about each other, right? I learned about all the stuff you knew so much about and about all your, you know, your skills and things, which was just awesome to see in operationalized. And, um, and you learned about my bullshit. Some of my stuff from the past. Yeah.

Yeah. Which is good. I mean, it's not stuff I, I hid in any way. It just, you'd never really sat and thought about it, probably. I think the difference is I never really listened. Ah, hmm. Like I heard it, but I didn't digest it. Interesting.

And to be fair, before you're an adult, it's hard to digest stuff like that anyway. So, yeah, I thought it's been a very, very positive experience. Nicole says, hey, it's my spirit white girl. What does that mean? I don't know, but I like it. So Ms. Dunn says something very important is that adults need to learn about boundaries too. And yet boundaries is sort of one of the most, it's a very complicated topic is talked about all the time, but it's not talked about in a way that I think is meaningful. And we're really just trying to get it over. The book is designed as something easy to digest if you were 15. So it's not meant for a neuroscientist. It's not meant for a psychiatrist. It's not meant for a

social worker. It's meant for kids. You're trying to get them on board. And so the concept of boundaries, we derive from physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, identity boundaries. But boundaries go deep and deep and deep and deep and deep to the point where just two bodies in space can affect each other without us being aware of it. And if you don't have boundaries or you can't listen to your feelings because of trauma or something else or depression or whatever, anxiety, whatever it might be, ADD even, if you can't hear things, boundaries get blurry and people's feelings get mixed up. People become responsible for each other's feelings. People become affected by each other's feelings. And I'm not suggesting that people should never be affected by each other's feelings, but we shouldn't be overtaken by each other's feelings. And so we try to make this topic something, and you're right, Miss Dawn,

that, that, um, adults have lots of problems with this, but teenagers need to kind of be exposed to the idea so they can start to pay attention to it. How about that? Is that right? Yeah. Sounds right to me. Okay. Let's get to Corey. Hey, Corey. Hey, I have a medical question yeah man so right now i'm being treated for uh chronic kidney disease and uh heart failure what is believed is that the heart failure is because of prolonged high blood pressure uh-huh uh-huh how old are you i'm 36 do you know what your ejection fraction is i don't know what my ejection fraction is um currently i knew before i think i want to say she said it was maybe 35 yeah that's what i would guess that's about what it sounds like okay and is the kidney problem also hypertensive heart disease vascular disease or is it the chf that's causing the kidney problems or both it's believed

that it's because of the high blood pressure okay um what they believe it um because the the belief is if i can get the blood pressure under control, that it would probably take care of the CHF, which has been working out well. When my blood pressure is under control, I don't get short of breath. I don't have to take my Lasix as much. So that's a good thing. But my concern is, and I feel like I had been focusing more on my heart than I had my kidneys because when i saw the nephrologist about a couple weeks ago it'd been a week a year since i'd seen them oh okay yeah which which is a huge problem yeah i agree with you last year my creatinine was at a i think they said it was a 2.5. Okay, and now? The reaction is at 5.5. That's not good.

Are you on any medication? Are you on Entresto or something? I can list the medications. Yeah, let's go. Go ahead. I am on hydralazine, Carvedilol, Captopril. What was the last one? Captopril?

I'm sorry? Captopril, did you say? Carvedilol. Keep going. Amlodipine. And they gave me the vitamin D. Okay. So, hydralazine, Carvedilol, Amlodipine, and Lasix.

Only four medications, right? Yes. Various times a day. They didn't put you on Vasotec or any of those sorts of ACE inhibitors? No. Should I be asking about that? I have mixed feelings about it. It can make the kidney look worse, but it can kind of help.

So I'm surprised they don't have you on an ACE inhibitor. That's the one thing. Somebody's asking on the thread, what the heck is ejection fraction? It's the percentage of blood pushed forward every time your heart beats. And that number should be 60%. 35% means the heart is failing.

20% are blows and we really get worried about it. In Corey's case, if you get the blood pressure under control, a lot of stuff could get better. A lot of stuff. It's just the question, how much damage did you do to the muscle and then to the glomeruli in the kidney? And so what are they telling you? Are they telling you dialysis is coming or are they telling you you should be fine? So he hasn't ruled out dialysis, but he has not, uh, confirmed that that's the case. So the next is to put me on a, uh,

24 hour urine monitoring. Yes. Good. I'm a larger, I'm a larger person. I'm, I'm at, I'm,

I've gotten my weight down, I'm down to two 80. I'm six three. Okay. That because I'm a larger person, maybe that could be some of the reason why my creatinine might be high. So he wants to look at it,

and we're going to do that October 4th, I think is when he's going to come back in. You need more aggressive follow-up, right? People need to be on top of you more. You understand what I'm saying? Yeah. You need to see doctors more frequently. Like, you should be seeing somebody

every four to six weeks for a while until they really get this thing nailed. Are you diabetic also? No, I'm not diabetic. All right, good. So, do you have a specific question for me? I do. So, my concern is with the kidney failure.

I am concerned about dialysis. I know what it is. I don't know what the process is, and I'm afraid of it. My concern is, is there a chance that my creatinine could get lower and my kidney function could get better? The answer is, I can't predict that accurately. The answer is, it's possible, but I'm a little worried that they've not been watching you carefully and it's gone up over the last year or so. I'm worried, that's all. And hypertensive kidney disease is tough.

It's a tough one. And let me just tell you about dialysis. Dialysis, they will do something called a shunt, which is they make a connection between an artery and a vein. So the vein swells up full of essentially arterial blood. And they use that as a way of plugging into the dialysis machine,

which depending on how much kidney function you have, maybe a couple of hours, once or twice a week, where you just lie down. It tends to make people very sleepy when they're on dialysis. So they tend to just go to sleep for a couple hours. And that's it. And the machine just does the kidney function for you and you go about your business.

It's really pretty slick. It's pretty cool. And there's dialysis centers and there's millions of people on dialysis. You're certainly not alone with this. Okay. Awesome. Do you have an internist, just a general doctor? Yeah, I have a general practitioner. All right. That person should be seeing you very, very, very regularly, seems to me. Okay?

Okay. All right, man. Good luck. Call me. Feel free to. This is what I've done for years and years and years. So if there's any questions, stop on by Clubhouse here. I'll be happy to talk to you.

Oh, yeah. Awesome. I used to watch Love Line since I was a kid. Crazy, man. Well done. This goes you. Oh, yeah. Awesome. I used to watch Love Line since I was a kid. Crazy, man. Well done. This goes along. I can answer your questions. You're in a complicated situation.

These are complex problems, but not uncommon. Not uncommon. Okay? Awesome. All right, man. Good luck. All right, buddy. I don't normally get really cool, straight medical problems like that, but that's,

those are really super, you'd be shocked how common those problems are. I mean, it sounds like people, what's an ejection fraction? What do you mean it's creatinine five? It's such so common stuff. Kimberly's saying call DeVita Dialysis Center to talk about it. Is that, Kimberly, some, is that you a nurse there or something? Let's see. Let me see what else you guys have said while I was talking to Corey here. Whenever the medical questions come, I'm just like. Yeah, you should just step aside. We normally don't get that many of these. Today has been sort of an AMA kind of thing.

So I'm still happy to. You still listen to Love Line Daily, Tangerine. Must be the old, old, old ones. Christopher, what's going on there hey guys uh i had a question about the book before uh cory you were talking about boundaries yeah and so i'm wondering um from paulina uh on the bio on the book website says that you write a lot about female sexuality and so i'm i'm wondering what the boundaries were like between you guys as a parent and a daughter about like boundaries around sexuality and stuff when you were younger as

a teenager and kind of how um how that affected your relationship and how uh dr drew having his show kind of changed the way that you guys approach that? Good question. Good question. Great question. So there's one boundary in that this book isn't, um, full of my experiences sexually. I do nonfiction creative writing. I do write pieces that are from the first person's perspective about sexuality. Um, but this book is not that, But then I rewind back and I'm like, okay, what was it like growing up with my sexuality? And I tell this story over and over, but my mom on the way to ice skating practice in the third grade told me, if you lose your virginity, your father's going to broadcast it on the radio. And so that instilled the fear of God in me. And that being said, though, that fear was in my head. And I now as an adult can see that that was never going to happen.

And she was trying to communicate that there were extra pressures on me and that people were watching. And if I made a misstep, people would notice and very much felt that, uh, when I wrote my first piece, which was about my bulimia and coming to terms with that. Um, however, I, as a little girl always had boyfriends always. And I really appreciate that my parents never tried to make me feel weird or shameful about that. They were very much kind of just like, let her do her thing. You know, like she writes in her diary about the list of crushes that she has. Um, and so I started dating around like the eighth grade. Um, but there were very strict rules around that. Like my first date

ever, my brothers were there also in the movie theater throwing popcorn at me. Um, and so there were always parameters around what I could do. Um, and then when I got into high school, I had a very serious boyfriend. He was like very much like became part of the family. But when it comes to writing this book, I think we, you know, I was able to share experiences, but I think there comes a line between, you know, what I do as like my writing craft and then what this book is. You also had talked about how talking about sexuality was, you didn't want to get that information from me because you figured everybody else. Oh yeah.

I had no interest. Everybody was already hearing it from him. And I was like, la la la la la. Um, but also my school had a, a comprehensive sex education program starting in the third grade. Did you feel good about that program?

I did. Yeah, I did. Um, I feel like, you know, they both handled the mechanics of things and then they had other things that dealt with sort of the interpersonal aspects,

like freshman year of high school, we had like human development and that was very much like talking about sort of the interpersonal aspects of relationships. And then when I was a senior, we had like, um, some sort of like a, I don't remember what it was called, but it was, uh, like a sort of study group that we met every Thursday and talked about our lives. And, um, so I didn't feel like there was a gap in terms of my sex education in retrospect. I wish that I had felt more comfortable, um, you know, asking questions and I did inevitably ask questions, but, um, I think I felt a lot of pressure because I felt like people were watching. Interesting. So there it is. Hope that answered your question. And let's get Josh up here. Uh, Josh, go ahead. Hey there. Um, first of all, just congratulations, just congratulations on the book.

I follow what you do, and I know that you wrote a book on narcissism, specifically celebrity narcissism. And I wanted to know if narcissism fits into this book, because I know there's two kinds. I know that there's a normal narcissism, which is really just a part of a healthy personality. And I know when narcissism can get out of control, it can be difficult to set boundaries, to connect in a meaningful way to someone else because you're really just caught up in your own self. You're narcissistic and it's difficult to know what someone else may need or what they don't need and what they find to be inappropriate. So I was just wondering if you could sort of talk about that. All right. So you're conflating a lot of different things there.

So let's sort of go through all the topics. There's primary narcissism, which is how everybody is born. There is healthy narcissism, which is associated with self-efficacy and coming to your own self-defense and sort of be concerned about yourself when it's appropriate, but not burdened with the liability of narcissistic traits, which are the result of trauma, which result in empathic failure and inability to read emotions. Emotions become distant and less meaningful to the narcissist. So really the liability is not about being tied up with yourself. It's about emotions not being meaningful. And it's in particularly certain circumstances when you're threatened, when you're stressed, narcissists lose track of feelings entirely, more so your feelings they don't care about

as well as their own. So they don't care about feelings. Feelings beg. Whenever I hear there's some psychologists out there talking about how emotions are no big deal. They don't really matter. Oh, this is the mirror effect. They don't really matter. They're nothing. We shouldn't pay attention to emotions. I just think narcissist, there you go. That's it. And the big liability is if you don't appreciate your own emotions, how can you appreciate somebody else's? That's really it. And in the setting of emotions don't matter, we necessarily result in empathic failure. And now we're talking about narcissistic

personality disorder, which is a fourth category. And yeah, that book was not about narcissistic personality disorder per se, so much as the general trend of narcissistic traits that swept into this country at that time, particularly because of all the childhood trauma. The childhood trauma has been out of control since the 60s. And we necessarily had this turn. Now, are you seeing, I don't know if you're thinking about this kind of stuff, but do you see kind of the personality style of the country changing a little bit? Are you aware of anything like that happening? I'm interested in the way in which social media influencers are going to become, this is maybe a controversial

thing. Here we go. Say it right into the mic. I'm worried that social media influencers are going to become a new personality disorder in the way that they perform for the camera. But maybe that already is a personality disorder, right? Maybe it's, or maybe it attracts me. Yes. I agree. Caleb agrees. Yes. Please study that more. So Caleb is a recovering YouTube star. And when she says that, what do you think, Caleb? Oh, is he there? I know way too many. I know too many people who have their families have been destroyed because they've been like

family vloggers. And it's not so much that it's like every family vlogger things go wrong. It's just something that it's happened way too many times. And it got really scary. Like we were actually family vloggers for a bit. And it just, it was, sorry, I'm running too many controls here. We decided that we were,

did we want to actually like do this? Or are we doing things for our, are we like going out and going to places because we wanted to and because we want to hang out with each other? Or are we doing things for our are we like going out and going to places because we wanted to and because we want to hang out with each other or are we doing it for the camera yeah you know and uh that that's where we had to start deciding sorry there's way too many controls happening here okay sorry but i see you yeah it when i saw the pattern with with a lot of friends of uh so let's talk about what that is. It's like a reality show. It's very healthy. Yeah. I wouldn't say it's, I wouldn't call it. But except you are your manager, you're your agent, you're your publicist and you're your business, you do all this stuff yourself.

And so then your family becomes part of a product. And it just didn't, for some people it works, but for us, it just, it didn't seem very healthy for a long time. So I don't, I see those more as the boundary problem than as a new personality. I I don't, I see those more as the boundary problem that it has a new personality. I don't know. I was watching a tick talk of this young lady who has millions of followers and she was just, she was in the car and like things were going wrong. And like every time she says something,

she's like, you know, and I'm like, that's an internet thing regurgitated over and over and over again. So much so that you're performing kind of meme reactions in real time. It just, it weirds me out. I'm still not quite sure what it is because a personality disorder is a really specific thing. It might be changing the personas. In other words, how people present themselves, the style of presentation. But a personality disorder is a pattern of behavior

and relating that is very disturbed. I will say there's sort of a homogenization in terms of aesthetic and persona that is happening. That makes sense to me. Flit through social media and you'll see like 16 of the same person now you sure that's not social media sending you the same thing you know what i mean you never know what's being sent to you versus what's actually out there yeah that's what's wild dish uh wish chris has has been i guess on the family vlogs uh not just in wrapping toys with their kids over and over every day. They're in these giant houses. Yeah. It's all the, it's the, it's the Kardashians on digital, right? Isn't that kind of what they're doing? I don't know. The new American dream. That's

interesting. Hmm. I totally think that the social media influencer trajectory is the new rags to riches narrative. It's the Kardashian model commodified and made personal in a certain way. And it's all sort of, I don't know, I have a lot of thoughts on social media influencers. Yeah. Well, and it removes all of the boundaries as well. So then people, they think that they, they own all of your experiences as a person when it's like, if you're going to Disneyland with your girlfriend or it's like your wife, and they expect content from you. You can't just go and do something on your own. It's they, you're owned by them. And I mean, it's not like it's something that they're doing that's bad.

They're not intending it, but they don't understand that you're a real person. Yeah. They think that because they're watching your videos and they're subscribers that they know everything about you. And that's where it got to be very weird when I would go to internet conventions and stuff. And people would walk up and they would know everything about me. They knew what I ate yesterday. They knew all my friends, all my family. I knew nothing about them at all. And it got to be really scary because that's not what they were intending. But it comes across in a way of, wow, are these stalkers? Oh, no, wait, I put all the way people relate to media these days is they, the fans and the, and the, the, what would you call the opposite of fans? The practitioners. No, no. The opposite of fans, the haters, the haters both claim ownership

of the person, uh, like, like proprietary ownership that like it's their, you are their product. And they, I've noticed this for a long time. They treat that person, the person in the media, like a cartoon character, like, like you're really not a human being. You're some sort of drawing of a human being. That's literally the way they treat them. And I noticed this, this, I had something that occurred to me years ago when I had Steve-O on Loveline a long time ago. And for a minute, we thought he had a heart disease like Corey. We thought for a second he did.

And a doctor literally that day was talking to him about heart transplants and things. And I was like, wait a minute. But so he came on the show to tell the story and every single caller would call in and go, hey, Steve, sorry about your heart. Anyway, I got this thing. And like, literally like no, like it wasn't registering.

I thought, oh my God, Steve-O might have a fatal heart problem. And they can't even get their head around that. They can't, it's impossible, right? He's just going to live forever as a cartoon character. Who cares? And the more cartoony the person was. Think about Trisha. Yeah.

Well, that's who I was going to bring up next. Trisha Pay. Yeah. Well, that's who I was going to bring up next. Trisha Paytas. Yeah. She was who I was going to bring up next. And that's been my latest experience with this. What I find fascinating about Trisha is that she's getting better. There's something that happens in addiction treatment. When somebody starts getting better, the family attacks the person.

This happens every time. And I sort of think of it as these people have had a lot of pent-up pain caused by the family member for a long time. And now that person is awake and feeling things. So now you're going to hear from me. Now you got to hear it. And it's the exact wrong time to do it. It's the worst thing in the world. I have to literally stand in front of the patient and get them to take that material elsewhere. But I feel like that's what they're doing with Tricia, that she's starting to improve and get

better and her personality stuff is getting better. That's when they lay it to her. And she was, I don't know if you saw one of the recent videos, Caleb, but she was talking about how it's landing. She's feeling it and it's horrible. And I thought, oh, and they're doing more. They're doing even more because now she feels it. Did you see that, Caleb? And look, Tricia, she's done things. She's said stuff before that's offensive. She's done stuff that's offensive.

But what they're ignoring is that she's actually addressed all of that. She's actually trying to change now. And it's almost like that made them even angrier. And they feel justified. They go in there. you watch anything, anything she's talking about, about self-improvement, trying to make herself better, trying to be a better person. It's like, they don't even watch any of that. It's just literally thousands and thousands of comments telling her basically to go and kill herself, which, but these are the same people that they feel like they are open-minded people. They feel like that they are supportive of people that are like mental health crisis.

Right. They support people's mental health journey, except for her. She's the one exception. Well, they, believe me, they attack other people too. And that to me is so nuts that people do that, especially when somebody is getting better. And by the way, here's the thing. She also, when she was on the show, it's. She what?

Well, when she was on the show, I had mentioned by mistake, I had said something about Britney Spears and compared her to that. When the comparison I should have made was Amanda Bynes. Yeah. Back when Amanda Bynes was having, going through a lot of the struggles

that she was going through. And I got caught up in that too. That was serious mental illness. We all thought she was taking it. I thought it was- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was serious mental illness. Really serious. We thought she was- And. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was serious mental illness. Really serious.

We thought she was. And once I realized that it wasn't, I was like, I have to delete everything I've said. She wasn't joking. Like, this is a serious thing. And she actually needed help. And then I felt bad. Thousands and hundreds of thousands of people just felt like they had no problem at all with attacking her because she's famous and because she's far away from them.

When if that was someone that they knew, they would have felt so guilty. Look at Anna Nicole Smith. I was trying to get in the way of that. I'm saying you're watching somebody die and you're making fun of her. She is dying in front of our eyes and boom, and then dead. And so back to Tricia, she lately, it's almost, it's a case against apologizing if you're a public figure, frankly, because that's what she's doing. She's going, I'm looking at my old behavior. It's disgusting. I never should have done that. I feel terrible about it now.

I'm going to try to make amends. That's when they just lean into her. It's like, okay, all right, everybody. I mean, I don't know. I think there needs to be a larger conversation about transformative justice in the culture. Talk about it. I mean, I'm just starting to wade my way into that pool, but essentially it's the idea that rather than villainizing someone or canceling them or, you know, disrupting their entire lives. That's that

book you showed me. Yeah. So there is a book that I'm about to start by Adrian Marie Brown called We Will Not Cancel Us. So I'll be able to tell you a lot more after I read it. But the idea about transformative justice is that rather than, you know, canceling somebody, you offer them restitution and rehabilitation, which is a much more stable model for long termterm longevity. But there's just this, this phenomena of just, I can see why people attack people with power, right? Like that person has money, that person has fame, that person has objects. You know, I, to me, that does, I have to tell you, if you feel powerless, if you're sitting at home and you're unemployed for, you know, the duration of the pandemic and you see somebody on there and they're an easy target, like it's not coming from a good

place. No, that's the point. We, I mean, in, in this country in years past, people would be admire people that had accomplished stuff. And it'd be like, Hey, you tell your kids, Hey, you could be like, do it, be like him, Go do it. You know, now it's screw that guy. We got to knock him down. It's a difference. Well, that's envy. And envy is an unfortunate part of narcissism. And so envy, you know, in all the religious texts, the thing they warn against most is envy.

Because it's such a destructive emotion. It's the most destructive human emotion. So it's one thing to be resentful. I get that. If you resent that I can't do this and they can't do that, I feel that I have no problem with. But when it's envy, meaning I have to knock that person down, I have to aggress on that person. That's not, that's what we're talking about here. That's what's happening to Tricia. That's what happened to, you know, all these people were discussing. Yeah. It's hard. It's like, can't people see? It's like when someone wants to try and change, it's don't pile on and make things worse and worse when someone's like crying her eyes out on video. It's like, well, in the past, it's like,

yeah, maybe she may have faked things before, but let people grow and change. Don't fight them when they're trying to change to your side and they're trying to get better. I have treated people who, who literally killed people in their disease or whatever they were in. And I have had to stay supportive and nonjudgmental of those people. But they have to stop bullshitting and they must take whatever the consequences are of their behavior. They have to accept it with peace and love. And if they can't do that, um, then I don't have much patience for them because the reality is you should have done something a long time ago. You didn't, that's on you. Um, so, uh, we also have this Gabby Petito story, right? Where the,

the Brian Laundrie, is that his name? You know, I, I, do you have any thoughts about that? I, so I saw it pop up on Tik TOK, like before it was a national story. Um, so I kind of watched the sort of internet sleuth trajectory, which was super interesting. And it reminded me of a show I just watched. Oh man. It was on Netflix about, about this girl whose brother is on a YouTube video. And he's saying like, I killed a woman at 5 million views. I will die. And it was the proliferate. It was like, I don't remember what it was called. Anyway, we get the story. Okay. So anyway, clickbait. Oh my God. It was crazy. But that's exactly what it reminds me of. Um, in terms of just the way in which people were catalyzed into

action and the way in which, you know, it could be both helpful and destructive. I don't actually, I know that they found her remains. I don't know what happened with Brian Laundrie though. He's still on the lam. He's on the run. So one thing, I see it a little differently than a lot of people do.

People seem to want to see this as domestic violence and a cult of two, which it was, it for sure was. But there was many overlays here. This, hey man, we're living van life for two years.

They were homeless. They were homeless. They were homeless and drifting without work, without purpose. Who is funding that? Why were they allowed to do that? With this kid, the male, who if you look at his videos across time, and I don't know these people. I'm just looking at the videos. He starts getting scabs on his face. That's a telltale sign of meth.

And meth is the drug of violence, period, end. And so I think when the day is done, this is going to be a meth story. I also think there's a high probability this kid will kill himself. And that scares me too. So you're not down with me buying a van? I'm not down with, well, you could do a few months. I'm down for that. I think that's awesome. Because I'm thinking down with, well, you could do a few months. I'm all I'm down for that. I think that's awesome. Cause I'm thinking about it. Well, for a few months, I have no problem with it, but to be doing it for years. Is that how long they were doing it? Since 2019. Oh, really? Yeah. There's a, there's an Instagram. They had some periods where they were back, but there was,

you know, there's an amazing book named Nomadland, which was made into a book. And that talks about sort of the ways in which people are kind of forced to the road. And usually they're older people. Yeah, but they had family. They had lots of family and they had resources and the family didn't do anything, it seems like. I don't want to blame anywhere, but this is a horrible tragedy. But like this was, this was more, let's put it this way, much more of a mental health story than it appears. Yeah, I believe that. I believe that. We're going to take a little break. We'll be right back and we're going to look at your stream and make your comments and be with you in a second. Here with my daughter, Paulina, to share an exciting new project.

Over the years, we've talked to a ton of young people about what they really want to know about relationships. It's difficult to know who you are and what you want, especially as a teenager. And not everyone has access to an expert in their house like I did. Of course, it wasn't like I was always that receptive to that advice. Right. No kidding. But now we have written the book on consent. It is called It Doesn't Have to be Awkward. And it explores relationships, romantic relationships, and sex.

It's a great guide for teens, parents, and educators to go beyond the talk and have honest and meaningful conversations. It Doesn't Have to be Awkward will and have honest and meaningful conversations. It doesn't have to be awkward. We'll be on sale September 21st. You can order your book anywhere books are sold. Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Target, and of course, your independent local bookstore. Links are available on drdrew.com. So pre-ordering the book will help people, well, raise awareness, obviously, and it'll

get that conversation going early so more people can can notice this and spread the word of positivity about healthy relationships so if you can we would love your support by pre-ordering now totally and as we said before this is a book that both teenagers and their parents should read read the book have the conversation it doesn't have to be awkward on sale september 21st and we are back we lost our music there for a second. That is Paulina Pinsky. We have a new book. It is called Doesn't That Be Awkward? Somebody on the restream, I forget who it was, was just saying that

they're afraid for their four-year-old. This is written for parents to sort of read with their teens. The idea here is to make this digestible for a 15-year-old. It's written for 12 to 20-year-olds. It's for parents to help them understand what kids need to navigate this kind of stuff.

It's not, it's not a parenting book per se, not by any means. Okay. A lot of talk, a lot, everyone has opinions about Gabby Petito, but you know,

shocking, I, you know, they're saying that they were going to do this program and they were going to be organic farmers. Yeah. Yeah. And he wanted to be an astronaut, too.

You got to understand, look at people's actions. And this is really this very disturbing stuff in there that just sort of went on too long. And that's what that's how things unravel. That's how things get bad. Ask me questions. Yeah. let's get into it i've been here so long listening to all these questions and not many of them are for me okay let's talk to annabella annabella what's going on if we can get her up here again my phone is always wonky with this i apologize there's a little delay well it's it's either my phone doesn't uh doesn't notify them or they

don't know what they're being notified about or how to how to manage the notifications so the hard part for me is i can't undo it once i've i've made the request maybe just do the next one yeah i will that's what i'm going to do but but then we can have two people up there that's okay okay. All right. Ethan, see if we can get you up there. And be sure to – I see your phone's on mute too, so you want to make sure you undo that too. Famous guy found rocks at the bottom of the canyon the other day. I don't know what that means.

Sounds like a poem. Catherine says something rather profound. I've wasted a lot of years in delusion. It depresses me. How do I get over the wasted years? Please tell us more. Come on clubhouse and help us understand what that was. You can always move forward. Yeah. I mean, that's exactly right. I mean, people have done extraordinary things,

turning things around much, much often later in life. So I can't see this is I can't do this. I'm gonna try to get Kristen up here. All right, Kristen, have at it. Hello, hello. I figured you'd rescue me. Yeah, you'd give Paulina a question. So go ahead. Paulina, I have a question for you. It has to do with kids and parties and sleepovers. So my eldest child is of an age where all of a sudden she's starting to get invited to sleepovers. Now I've listened to far too many true crime podcasts. And so I'm always very hesitant about you know letting my daughter you know spend nights at people's houses if it's people I've known since she was in kindergarten fine no problem especially like if I have a really good friendly relationship with the parents but recently she's

been getting more invites for places that are like 45 minutes, an hour away where I really don't know the kid and I really don't know the parents. And so I had to tell her on a couple of occasions, no, I'm not comfortable with this, honey. I'm sorry. I don't know these people. And, you know, if I was friends with their parents it would be one thing but if i don't know the parents it it's just if you want to go to the party for a little while that's fine but i'm not okay with spending the night let's get it down to a question is the question oh okay like how well should i know where my kids are going at if they age or what exactly is the question?

The precise question would be, do you think it's reasonable for a parent whose kid is getting invited to sleep over parties to, you know, be a little bit more skeptical about whether, whether they allow permission or not for them to go? How old is she? 10. I think it's totally fair to be trepidatious and want to know their parents. You know, I think, I don't know. I listened to a lot of true crime too. And I think, I think it's important for a parent to be clued in to where they're sending their children, right?

Not just like being like, okay, you got an invitation, go. So I think being more cautious and wanting to facilitate a relationship with the parents whose house your child is going to go to isn't a bad thing. Susan, how would you advise Chris? You said that so much more eloquently than I was able to. Thank you. I know. No, I have to follow it. She's like, send her to the house. Um, well you have to weigh out like what the relationship is with the, you know, what your daughter's relationship is and make sure you don't, you're not too tough on him, you know, but also, um, you know,

discuss it with her and say, well, how do you feel about this? You know, how well do you know them? What do you think, think, you know, will happen? Helena wasn't really good at going to other people's houses. So I got really lucky with that. I would cry in the middle of the night and make them come pick me up. Yeah. And you know what, here's the other thing. It's like, I'm not going to come out 45 minutes and pick you up. So you got to make sure you're not up. Yeah. And you know what, here's the other thing. It's like, I'm not going to come out 45 minutes and pick you up. So you got to make sure you're not

going to freak out when you get there. I remember those conversations. Oh, I have to go. There's no way I am not going to, you're not going to hear from me. Fast forward three hours. I mean, I understand. I had a friend who's, who never let her kids do sleepovers ever, but she was also molested as a child. So, you know, it's just, you know, you have to really strongly go with your gut and that's all I can say. Yeah. I think you have to know everybody. Well, I mean, with time, and who's there and like, are there 18 year old boys hanging around? Are there, you know, who's going to be there and what's the, and who lives next door? And trust me, this is going to get more and more challenging as you get towards 15, 16, 17. But I also think talking to your kid about it is important.

Like my mom was saying, like really assess, like, is this a person, a new friend? Like, do you think that you could do a little more daytime things to get to know them better first you know sort of making it a conversation with your child rather than making a penultimate decision he meeting halfway somewhere yeah it's a lot of work you're welcome how old is your daughter like 10 yeah she's yeah i have memories of uh crying like one time waking up in a childhood friend of mine who has you know their house you know the movie monster in law with jane fonda and the marriage scene that's their house that was filled in that house so i woke up screaming crying down the halls up and down just like and then i eventually went into the bed with the mom and she's like it's okay

that sounds like a better movie you know she called me she goes oh paulina was sleeping right next to me all night oh my god that's way better movie paulina was a baby did you go all the way down that crazy spiral staircase on top of the spiral staircase like at one point, I pretty sure I was banging on their door, but it must be weird. Like if you're a triplet, cause you've always had your siblings around and you know, it's kind of like all of a sudden you're in a room. It could be that house too. That house is massive. It's a little spooky. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful home. Yeah. If you're not, if you're not seven or eight or nine or whatever.

Yeah. All right, Kristen. Thanks. Thank you guys so much. And congratulations on the book. Thank you. All right. Let's see if we can find Ethan now.

Ethan's still there. And now not there. Ooh. So I can. You scared him. His question wasn't for me. So he ran away. Oh, wait, he's coming. He's coming. Oh, Ethan can't join us right now. Okay. That's okay, Ethan. Absolutely. Uh, let's see here. Tips for meeting new people and socialize while wearing a mask. How about that, Polina? Ooh, this is a question I haven't been asked. Are they, are they in

Brooklyn? Are they having places you can go and get a test and a vaccine and blah, blah, blah, and they take your mask off? Well, you have to show your vaccination card at the door. That's about to happen in Los Angeles, too. Yeah, and it's a good, you know, litmus test. It's like, if you've been vaccinated, you can come in. Or your COVID test. But in this state, you have to keep your masks on anyway. Oh, really?

Is that not the greatest? No, it's not the same in Brooklyn. Everybody's walking around outside in Pasadena with their masks on. Outside. It's just so weird. Yeah, New York is not like that at all right now. I know. It's been good.

I had to drop some mail off, and I forgot my mask. And I was like, I felt nude. Like everybody knew I was naked, you know? It is like a weird vulnerability not wearing a mask. But, you know, socializing. I'm going to answer the question about socializing. Sorry. My favorite opening line when it comes to people wearing masks is, oh, I love your mask.

Where did you get it? What if it's just a blue surgical mask? Then it could be a funny joke. Okay. Fair enough. I like that. then it could be a funny joke okay um fair enough i like so i think um for me what has been easiest is just like making observational comments that are compliments um i think that's an easy way to win someone to your favor um and then to like you know just being understanding that while wearing

masks there's going to be some maybe translation issues and communication. You can't hear anything. I can't understand what people are saying. Yeah. It's hard not to hear. It was so hard in France trying to speak French. Yeah. But I,

I would say like, I just, I swear by the mask opening line and majority of people have cool masks now. Yeah, it's true. That's sort of a thing. I was, uh,

I don't know why I'm thinking about this, but I was trying to get, we were trying to get the Louvre and we didn't have our tickets and blah, blah, blah. I was outside and I have a mask on and the gate people, the sort of security guards were checking the vaccine cards, had masks. And I walked up to the guy, I go, look, I can't find this. I'm saying this all in French. He goes, got it, votre mask. I was like, oh, right, right. I'm right next to you and I don't have a mask on. Guard la masque. I was like, okay, got it, got it, got it.

He was nice though. I actually think he said guard la masque. He said it's something even familiar to me. Yeah, we didn't have the right QR code for the QR code. Less than symptoms instead of preventing them. Basichicka, I don't know what you're talking about. Masks, the best, there are two double blind, two placebo-controlled, randomized-controlled trials on masks. One was in Bangladesh, wasn't it?

Something like that. And the other was in Denmark. And they were good studies. They've been criticized, but they were pretty good and they were large-scale. Everything else has been anecdotal. There was a study in Canada a couple days ago that showed that there were two and a half times less outbreaks in schools that wore masks. That was very powerful data, I thought. In the Danish study, it showed in this randomized controlled trial, a non-zero effect of masks at 9%, a 9% effect. It's not 100%. It's not 80%. It's not 50%. It's somewhere around 20% that masks work.

Not zero. It's a non-zero effect. But don't pretend masks are going to prevent the illness. That's not how it works. Okay, Tanya, let's get her in. Tanya's a social worker, and so she may have a good question. Tanya, hey there. Hi, Penske fam.

How are you? Hey, we're good. How are you? I'm good. I'm really good. Hey, I'm so excited to get the book. I'm waiting for my signed copy. Yay.

I hope it gets here any day. Thank you. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Drew, I wanted to talk a little bit or just discuss a little bit about imposter syndrome. Ooh, nice. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe Paulina, I know you are successful, educated. You're an author. Maybe you can chime in

on this a little bit, but absolutely. This is something I definitely struggle with. So I just kind of wanted to pick your brains about this. So I, I don't know that it makes you feel any better except to say that for me, people that have an imposter effect. Okay. I'm going to sort of build you up with it. I, I, I know that if somebody has feel like an imposter, they have expertise. I know it immediately. It's only experts that feel like imposters because, because when they study how people learn, whether it's a skill or material, we go from Dunning-Kruger, oh, I know this, I know everything, to falling into a valley where I know nothing, to where you crawl out of that over a much longer time horizon to actual

wisdom, actual expertise. And once you get up in your knowledge base, that's when you start feeling like, I don't know anything. Everyone else knows better than me. I'm an imposter. It's actually a symptom of expertise. I'm sorry to tell you. And it's much like, to me, this is my own opinion, like self-esteem. People with low self-esteem take responsibility for everything. And they're always checking themselves. They're always working on themselves because they don't think anything that's out there is responsible. Everything's me because, hey, it's me. I got low self-esteem. I find the imposter syndrome does the same thing. It motivates you. It makes you read the literature.

It makes you second guess yourself, which is good. Not second guessing yourself to the point that you don't make a decision. Second guessing yourself to the extent that you look carefully at your decision making. Okay. Does that sound like you? Well, maybe, I don't know. Maybe you can reflect a little bit and talk about your professional journey. So I have been working on my LCSW for years.

Okay. I finally finished my hours. Congratulations. Forever. Because I'm not necessarily in a clinical position. Yeah. And I'm at that point where I'm like, okay, do I branch out and do something on my own? Or do I, you know, do I continue to do what I do, which I'm great at,

but people are like, you're ready. And I'm like, no, I'm not ready yet. I know that feeling. Yeah. So that's, I'm going to say that's a little bit different than imposter. That is something that clinical people have to deal with. And that as physicians, we deal with it by just throwing you in. And guess what? You know what? You kind of don't know anything when you start swimming in those waters. When you go from intern to resident to senior resident, each time nothing magical happens. It just is June 15th.

And now you're now a senior resident making all the decisions. And trust me, you feel like a doe that's just learning how to walk, right? You know that feeling, right? And, but that's what just what everyone experiences. You just have to do it. I would be much more worried about somebody who was supremely confident at that point. They should not be. That's Dunning-Kruger, right? They're just getting started. Their decision-making will become expertise soon enough, but they should be very insecure. And by the way, that's why when people get into these clinical situations, there's an authority structure. There's people watching, there's people you can turn to, there's people checking you. You're teaching, you're also teaching other people. And so you're sort of being held accountable with what you're doing because you have to explain it to your underlings. And that's how it's supposed to work. That's how

it's supposed to work. I've experienced a lot of imposter syndrome in my life. Most notably, always like the first year of like a new program. So like my first year of undergrad. That's exactly what we're talking about. That's exactly it. My whole first year of graduate school, I was like, I'm not a writer. I was on the wait list. I do not deserve this spot. I don't know what to do. And then at a certain point, you kind of get sick of yourself, I think. And that like not believing in yourself is doing yourself a disservice. Ultimately, that's what I find. But there's always that smidge up top. You got to take that leap of faith though. You just got to get into it and just be careful.

That's all. And somebody's just became careful, somebody's correcting me on my vocabulary, which I love. I love my vocabulary being corrected. A doe is an adult female deer, not a baby deer. What's a baby deer? Fawn. Fawn. Thank you very much. Thank you everybody. Actually, because I'm into languages right now, I crave, you know, accuracy in language. My, when we were in France, I would, I would, whenever anybody was like serving, I just go, you're my French professor today. You're correct. Everything I say that's wrong, please. I learned a new word today. Tell me. Palinope. It's a, uh, poem that is a correction of a previous poem. I didn't know you could correct poems. I know. I'm never going to use that word. Oh my gosh.

Well, Tanya, it's all good. I'm sorry, but these things are uncomfortable, but there are signs of good things happening. But I also wonder if it's more of like a feminized syndrome. You're going to blame it on the patriarchy. Yeah, I mean, always. No, but I know a lot of female identifying people who struggle with imposter syndrome. And I think most of the time as women or femme identifying people, we're taught to question ourselves a little bit more. Um, and so I would say that it's a radical

act not to question yourself and to just go forward and take that leap of faith. Take your leap of faith. But the responsibility of clinician, as somebody who taught for many years, I would just tell you, I wanted my students to be thinking, rethinking, replanning, backup planning all the time. Consulting. All the time.

All the time. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. That's just an operational thing. So good luck. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I appreciate it.

And I can't wait to read the book, guys. Thank you so much. And I can't wait to read the book. Thank you. All right. So we're close to the end of things here. Let me see if any, Ooh, I think I may have a void in personality disorder. I'm comfortable in my job. No desire to do more actually scared to do anything new. That may not be a no, no, no. Laura may that that's, I wouldn't call that a personality disorder. I would call that a, well, what do we call that? When people, when people settle for less than each, I think what she's saying is she's in her job now and she should want to move forward, do other things, but she feels like I'm afraid to do other things. I'm afraid to, scared to do anything new. She's saying that's her more of an anxiety disorder, depression, or

I mean, esteem feeling you don't deserve it. When you feel comfortable, it's hard to want to push yourself to an uncomfortable position, but ultimately don't deserve it. When you feel comfortable, it's hard to want to push yourself to an uncomfortable position, but ultimately growth is always uncomfortable. And so pushing yourself out of your comfort zone will lead to growth that I think- I agree with you wholeheartedly, but what if you're just not up for it

or you don't feel you deserve it or you don't feel you're- Well, you deserve it. Or you're in sort of inertia. There's some inertia there preventing you from doing that. I think figuring out how to support yourself, whether that's family, whether that's friends, whether that's... That's a good piece of advice.

You know... So say that, turn that into a piece of advice because that's good advice. When you feel like you can't take the next step and you need support, reach out. Whether that's a friend, family, therapist... Or all of the above. All of the above. That is very, very, very solid advice. And I don't think in this country, people know to do that, you know, because we don't put the same value in relationships that other countries

do. We don't put the value in asking for help. She's saying low self-esteem. Flora, may I get that? I figured that'd be at the bottom of, but the low self-esteem can also motivate you, but not on your own that you got to, just like Paulina said, but the only caveat I would say, it needs to be people that actually care. Yeah. People that care about you. Yeah. All right. I suggest we wrap everything up here. This has been a really interesting conversation. Again, thank you, Paulina, for writing this book with me and for being here to help us promote it. My pleasure. Susan, are you with us still? Are you? Thank you for coming out of my womb. Somebody's asking, how's Adam Carolla?

I do a podcast with him three days a week. You can find it at drdrew.com. We're doing one with him tomorrow. Paulina is going to be on the Adam Carolla show. And Fox 11 tonight. Oh, and Fox 11 tonight. That's right. I got to run out of here and do that.

The long anticipated moment. I feel like all of the Loveland fans who tweet at me are like, gonna, can I curse in here? Yeah. Shit themselves. Maybe, maybe this is,

this is the Adam Carolla show. She's going to be on tomorrow. That goes out the same day. I'm pretty sure. Um, and, uh, then Fox 11 will be on live tonight.

You'll be on about seven 15, something like that. And Jillian just bailed. She's selling her house. Okay, so Jillian will do that some future date. There's always a chance for that. There's other people rolling around waiting us to do stuff. And then next week you're doing Juicy Scoop and also Wife of the Party.

Oh, my God. Are we going in for those? Yeah, Tuesday. I don't know what Wife of the Party is. It's Bert Kreischer's wife. Okay. And she's, you will love her. Oh, I know. You'll get along. Yeah, you'll be fine with her. She thinks her

daughter's psychic. Oh boy. The psychic walked up to Lila and said, you're very psychic. And she was actually, I actually had Rebecca go over to her house because they thought they had a ghost in their house. Oh, was she the one that did that? Yeah.

I have the video. I never put it up, published it. All right. Maybe I'll do it for Halloween. The Machine. That's right, Casey. And The Machine is going to be a movie coming up soon. They filmed it in Serbia.

Sounds like it was really good. Thank you, Carguy. And I think Leanne's psychic, too, because she told me that Christina and I would be really good friends. Or maybe she just has really good judgment. Who knew? We're really good friends now. I love her. I love Tom.

We're going down to Austin in a couple weeks. Before things close out, I want to tell you how you can find me. Good. Do it. Do it. My Twitter and Instagram handle. Hamdle? Hamdle.

Hamdle. Is M-I-Z-P-I-G-E-1-1-1. Twitter and Instagram Hamdol. Hamdol? Hamdol. Hamdol. Is M-I-Z-P-I-G-E-1-1-1. And my website is paulinapinsky.com. If you need help with writing, I'm here for hire. And that, describe the spectrum of when people, you know, when does somebody know they need a writing coach? So I've done a lot of writing coaching. I've helped people generate material for memoirs. I've edited manuscripts, screenplays, novels, tweets.

College applications. College applications is a big one that I do. I've helped people. I helped my brother get into law school. I've gotten myself and a friend into the Columbia MFA program. I've got one kid into Middlebury. Like if you have a dream school, contact me, I will help you. Um, I'm very good at applications. Um, but ultimately if you have a writing project in mind and you know, you don't know how to execute it, but it's been percolating in the back of your head and it wakes you up in the middle of the night and you like write little

bits on a scrap of paper and you just have like a pile of paper, I can help you sort that out, refine, edit, shape. Cool. I wish I did that. I'm going to be able to start doing that. Yeah. I just need somebody to do that with my day. Well, you're going to have to pay me a lot for that. You need a personal assistant babysitter i think you will be doing it one day all right thank you caleb for producing this we appreciate it we have joycelyn elders coming in here next week i don't know if you remember joycelyn elders you did you got her got her yeah i called her today and uh she goes i remember you and she goes i'm 88 now

and she was as sharp as ever and there's was a picture of her there. Of course. Wait, wait, wait. Am I going to be here for that? What day is it? Wednesday. No, you're flying out. No. Can I fly out later? I want to meet her so bad.

You won't meet her. It's all Zoom. I know, but I still want to be there and ask her questions. You can watch it on the plane. No, I want to be there. All right, we'll talk about it. But Joycelyn is somebody I did a project with years ago. We were part of this sort of think tank. You I did a project with years ago. We were, we were trying,

we were part of this sort of think tank. You can take a red eye or something put together by a group called church and white. And they were trying to get people to condom messaging and all this stuff they should be doing now with health messaging. We were doing way back then during the HIV thing. She was on, um, 70 over 70, which is my favorite podcast right now. And she told a story about, I don't remember who the daughter was, but it was some high ranking official and the eight year old daughter had her purse. And he was like, what's in your purse. And she said, Dr. Evelyn told me that whenever I have a purse, I need to have a condom in it. And the dad was like, yeah, people, people, that was during

the Clinton era. She was the attorney, the surgeon general for that. She had to resign. She had to resign for, it was the beginning of fake news. The things she said at the podium were taken out of context, turned into fake news. Don't leave it in the hall. Shit storms ensued. She had to step down and we lost a major, major asset. Contribution. No, she was, she is, and I thank God because she's such a great person. She has continued to contribute a lot.

And she will continue to do so next Wednesday when she comes in here at the age of 88. And ask Dr. Drew. So have your questions ready. Someone asked about my degree, and I want to just. Okay, real quick. Yeah. I have an MFA, a Master of Fine Arts, and nonfiction and creative writing. From Columbia. Yeah.

And I called her. Caleb came up with a number. I said, I'm going to call it. Called her. She answered the phone directly. You're still on, Jocelyn. I want to be there so badly. I know.

I understand why. I get it. But anyway, I have so many questions about the world today for her. Because she's like a repository of wisdom. And she was in the middle of shitstorms before shitstorms were so commonplace. She lived, too. She's still here. She's 88. She sounds great storms before shit storms were so common. She lived too. She's still here. She's 88.

She sounds great. She said on the podcast, the moment I stopped telling the truth is the moment I die. And I love that. I walked away thinking about that. I told her, I said, look, I got a million things I want to ask you. And she goes, hey, it's me. You know how I am. I do.

So good. Hopefully the last thing she says is I'm not going to die. Yeah. So, all right. And then we have Mike Catherwood in here tomorrow. My old love line companion. You'll be here four o'clock. Is that correct, Susan? Yes. And then, uh, Jocelyn Eldridge next Wednesday. And, uh, we appreciate y'all being here. We appreciate you all of you on a clubhouse. We're going to restream. We'll figure out why Twitter doesn't, uh, transcribe to restream. Hopefully Caleb, we're going to stop the clubhouse. We're going to restream. We'll figure out why Twitter doesn't, uh, transcribe to restream. Hopefully Caleb, we're going to stop the clubhouse room now. Thank you all for being here.

We're going to end that room. Appreciate that. Oh, I should have advertised my thing for clubhouse. Well, I guess I'll do it now. What thing for clubhouse? Um, I was doing it a little bit in the summer and I'm thinking about bringing back, but I've been holding a creative writing happy hours where I either share a video or an excerpt, and then we free write for 20 minutes and then we all share. Um, and it's accrued an international audience, which has been pretty cool, but I haven't had time to do it, but I'm hoping to bring it back. So that might be a way to connect with me. Yeah. Follow. Where do you follow on on clubhouse on clubhouse let's see what my i think i'm probably mizpicky111 but i will double check i am mizpicky111 yeah so that's your handle that's me gonna be your hashtag somebody says i got redder during

the podcast that would be a camera thing it didn actually happen. So I'm looking over at this shot there. He's so embarrassed. All right, y'all. Thank you much for being here. And we will see you tomorrow at four o'clock. Ask Dr. Drew is produced by Caleb Nation and Susan Pinsky. As a reminder, the discussions here are not a substitute for medical care, diagnosis, or treatment. This show is intended for educational and informational purposes only. I am a licensed physician, but I am not a replacement for your personal doctor, and I am not practicing medicine here. Always remember that our understanding of medicine and science is constantly evolving. Though my opinion is based on the information that is available to me today, some of the contents of this show could be outdated in the future. Be

sure to check with trusted resources in case any of the information has been updated since this was published. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, don't call me, call 911. If you're feeling hopeless or suicidal, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

You can find more of my recommended organizations and helpful resources at drdrew.com slash help.