Aware & Aggravated - 110. Red Flags In Relationships & Talking Stages

Episode Date: January 7, 2024

In this episode Leo gives you a whole new idea of things to look for when you're starting to date someone. These are universal red flags, and also a few explanations you need to hear about why you may be feeling a certain way & what to do next.   🎟️ TOUR DETAILS AND TICKETS: https://linktr.ee/leoskepitour   ✅ FOLLOW ME HERE: https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1    🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw    📝 ACCOUNTABILITY TEMPLATES/WORKSHEETS  https://leoskepitemplates.com   Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

Hi, friends. This week, I'm going to piss a lot of people off. We're talking about red flags and relationships. This is going to start off cutesy, fuzzy. Little red flags, little things to look for. Then we're going to get deeper and deeper and deeper. But these are red flags for relationships. I have a previous episode about red flags in general about people.

But this one is specifically about relationships. We're going to talk about the beginning stages and then once you're in the relationship, it's just you're going see how it falls but these are things I will die on. These are things I will stand on until I'm in my grave. Like, have these could be that I'm no longer here. But if you have any confusion if someone likes you or our relationship is worth pursuing, here is your guide. I'm about to save you so much headache and heartbreak with this. You're welcome. The first red flag is if someone constantly lays their phone face down on a table.

And I'm talking like they just lay it down like face down not once twice. If they're always laying that bitch face down, you better have your eyes on them like a hawk. You best believe they're up to something. Cause like out of habit, I just put my phone on like flat on its back because I don't like anything scratching the screen. Like I have a screen protector but still, to do that don't feel right.

It feels right when you have something to hide, but it don't feel right just in general. And I know that this could be like, a little tricky because some people live around their parents and like some people have grown up with the habit of like hiding their phone from certain people but just pay attention if they're constantly and incessantly always laying their phone down face down or look if it's always on do not disturb when they're around you like look for the moon in the corner of the screen if it's always on do not disturb and it's always face down, that's double red flag. You go through it. I don't mean go through it that fast

like immediately, but definitely keep your eyes open to that and when they're on their phone, pay attention to how they act when you can see it. Like if they're on their phone or something and if you like look over at it, do it, test them, see their reaction. If they all of a sudden like put their phone down or like switch apps or something, what you do with, what are you hiding? You know what I mean? What do you love to? Just watch their reaction.

Do they get anxious? Do they get like, you know when someone has something to hide. Do they act like that? So those are the biggest things to look for. Phone always space down or on do not disturb. And if you peek over at their phone or if they're showing you something, like if you to grab their phone from them like if they go to show you something you like go to hold it Oh, they will lose their mind if they have something to hide So those are just a couple of things watch their reaction now the next red flag is something that a lot of people say

And they don't understand it's a red flag if you're talking to someone or you're interested in someone or you're like dating someone And they come out with the phrase yeah all my exes are crazy or you see a in someone or you're like dating someone and they come out with the phrase, yeah, all my exes are crazy. Or you see a trend of what they're talking about with all of their exes. They paint all of their exes out like they're a psycho, like absolutely just, yeah, they were all just crazy. You're soon gonna find out why they all went crazy. Trust that God damn believe. People do not have just a consistent stream of psycho-exes. And if you do have a crazy ex, you do have something you can kind of be accountable for and you can at least say, you can at least take a little responsibility of something you could have done different or something that you learned from it. But

if someone's go-to thing is always just to put down their exes and say, oh, they were just psycho for no reason, there was a reason and you're gonna find that one. But even with my crazy SX and a couple like talking situations I've had, I can own up to like things I did that made them act a certain way. Like am I responsible for all of it? No, but I can explain what I've learned and I can take accountability for my part in certain things and explain the growth and things I've realized. If someone cannot do that, it also reveals they have a lack of ability to take accountability

and be responsible for things. They don't look at themselves, they don't look at how they contribute to a situation. They just like to throw the blame on the other person. That's a big red flag. But the biggest thing I want to say again is if someone says all of their X's are crazy, if you keep going into things with them, you will soon find out why they all went crazy. Just don't be the next one. Okay, if you know that there's someone who has a track record of psycho X's, don't be. Literally just leave them alone. That's the worst thing you can do to somebody who is used to having psycho X's. Like that's the worst revenge

you can get on somebody is just to leave them and shut up and be silent. That's my worst thing you can do to somebody who is used to having cycle excess. Like that's the worst revenge you can get on somebody. It's just to leave them and shut up and be silent. That's my go-to. Like I'm gonna just leave you alone because there's so much reassurance you get when someone acts crazy as hell when they lose you or you stop talking or stop dating. Like when someone goes nuts, there's so much reassurance about how much you care about them. If you just go quiet, it's going to stick right in that little heart.

Now the next red flag is just something that pisses me off and gives me the egg. And it's when people flirt in their comments on social media. Like if you're just publicly flirting in your comments, what the hell are you doing? Take it to the DMs. Have some decent. Why you just flirting where everybody can see? But the reason I say it is a red flag is because If someone is publicly like flirting in comments like in their comment section or someone's like commenting to them and they're commenting back And they're just publicly like engaging with that type of attention that's the type of attention they like they like to flirt

They like that superficial little shit and mean something to them. I personally do not want anyone who is impressed by them. I personally do not want anyone who is impressed by someone in the comments. I want to know that it takes more than just that bare minimum to get your attention. Like you don't ever see me flirting in my comments, there's people who have DM'd me for years and I've never responded. It's hard to get in contact with me and that's how I like it. That's how I want someone else to be. I don't want you being over here entertaining people and letting people have access to you and like letting people communicate with you and talk about your point. If your attention is that easy to get, I don't fucking want it. Especially if you're gonna be public about it. Like I said, how's some decency? If someone's cute in a comment on your stuff, DM them privately. Why are you just gonna banter and flirt in the

comments like that I'll public? Oh, I don't like that. Okay, this next red flag. Oh, it's a little jaded to me, but if someone drops you off at your house and they do not wait for you to get inside to drive away, red flag. Also, if you are leaving and they're like watching you walk to your car, if you get in your car and they immediately walk back inside, they don't make sure that you drive off. Red flag again, that is strange to me. When I care about someone, I care about their safety and well-being and I'm thoughtful like that.

I wanna make sure you're in your car, it started, you're going, you're on your way or if I drop you off and make sure you got in the house. Make sure no one came up and like roved you or grabbed you or anything happened. Make sure you get inside and you're going, you're on your way, or if I drop you off and make sure you got in the house, make sure no one came up and like robbed you, or grabbed you, or anything happened. Like make sure you get inside and you're safe. That's just a basic consideration for someone's safety. And that's a big red flag,

if someone is able to just like, not care, or not even think to make sure that you made it where you're going, okay, whether it's your car or going inside, huh? That's very weird to me. I don't want nobody that's like that. Okay, the next red flag When you're getting to know somebody or you're like starting to date or you're like a little bit in it If they try and tell you something's not your business when you ask about People that they've hooked up with in the past or people they've dated in the past. That's not none of my fucking business

There is my business and that's your too. If you're gonna talk to somebody, you're allowed to ask about their past. You're allowed to ask and understand who they are. You're allowed to gather information and like get a better understanding of who you're about to let close to you. That's very fair. I don't like that whole,

it's none of your business shit what I did before you doesn't matter. Yes, it does. But the whole point with bringing up asking people that they've hooked up with in the past or have dated in the past is to watch their reaction are they embarrassed. Do they try and hide things are they saying it's not your business because that shows embarrassment that shows they don't want to own up to certain things they don't want to stand there and own what they've done. That reveals a lot about a person's just character and how they are in their relationship to shame.

That's something that's going to reveal a lot. You don't really give a fuck about like the answer. That's not really what's important. It's the reaction to the question. That's what you want to pay attention to. How do they handle that? How do they navigate that? Do they tell you about it?

Or do they act all antsy and scared and weird and try and make it, oh, is none of your beating these? Shut the fuck up. Yes, it is. But the biggest thing is their reaction might show if they have things to hide and things that they don't want you to know. That's the biggest thing to look out for.

And you better, if someone has a weird reaction, get that shovel, bitch. You keep digging. You're gonna find out what it is. You're gonna figure out what it is. And if someone is so scared that you're going to judge them, that means they're willing to hide things from you so that you don't judge them. That's someone that's trying to control your perception of them, not just being open and honest and sincere with

the relationship with you. So watch out for that. Okay, the next red flag is if someone is not attentive enough for you. Like if they're not texting you back fast or texting you often, or it's like more one side of than the other. There's a couple things that play here. First, they might not like you. Second, you don't know their relationship to how attentive they usually are with a partner. Some people are just not used to being attentive

and it's typically people who find safety and disconnection. Like they like to have distance. They like to be so wrapped up in their own life and stay distant from people. Like connection is their biggest fear. So they like to keep everything kind of separate. They like distance with people. So if you feel like someone is not as attentive enough

for you as you need, you might be taking things a lot more serious than they are. They might just be trying to have something casual and not be texting too much and they're trying to keep things fun. So that's just to reveal a disconnect with how serious you're both looking at things. If you're someone that's wanting to text,

wanting to talk a lot and get things moving, you're probably taking it a lot more serious than they are for whatever reason. If they're texting you, it's just not like super, super often. Like if they're consistently texting you and if you don't text them, they text you. That shows they just don't want to like get too amished and deal with things moving too fast. But if someone is just showing like blatant disregard and they're not texting you, even if you don't text them, they don't like you. They ain't interested. Alright, sorry.

Like if it's a healthy balance and there seems to be interest and it's a consistent and fair back and forth that's just not as timely and like often as you like, they probably are someone that's scared of closeness or they're probably just trying to take it slow and not get too like wrapped up in it too fast. So there's just a thing to check with yourself and you can talk to them about it if you want. With how serious are you both taking it? There's probably a disconnect.

And I'm saying, if you're the one noticing it, that's why you're noticing and feeling like, oh, they not like me, if you're questioning it, good. You're supposed to question it for a reason. There's a disconnect, either they don't like you or they're not taking it as serious as you. And both of those need to be cleared up, and both of them need to be handled different.

But that's a tricky little dance to maneuver, because typically if someone's not interested, you'll know, just cut them off. Do them a favor, and just get rid of them, so they don't have to do it to you. But if someone is like, just taking things slow, you need to talk about your priorities, what you value, and like, your different perspectives

on their relationship at hand That's a big thing I wanted to bring up because it's not as cut and dry as people say and I used to think it was very cut and dry But I learn new things every day with all my friends going through shit myself going through shit like my family I've learned things non-stop So I'm always gonna elaborate and explain further, but that's one thing I wanted to explain further But you're gonna know if they're not interested. Okay. All right, the next red flag is watching how they communicate with you when they travel or you travel or you guys go out, like out with friends or like out to a club separately. How attentive are they to you? Are they reassuring? Are they consider it? Are they updating you and being sweet?

Are they attuned to the fact that you might be worried or Second guessing or you might be a little insecure about them going out on the room You don't know how they're gonna act. I don't know what's gonna go on Does someone seem in tune with that? Do they offer you reassurance? Do they text you? Do they send you pictures? Do they update you? Not saying you have to but are they just consider it enough tune with that? Do they offer you reassurance? Do they text you? Do they send you pictures? Do they update you? Not saying you have to, but are they just consider it enough to do that because they know what it's like

to have these worries and fears? Are they consider it? Do they do anything to offer you peace of mind when you guys are not around each other? And it's a situation like traveling or going out or like a part of your something. How does that go? But also, one thing to check is when someone sends you photos,

like text you a picture, save the photo to your camera roll and swipe up because it will show you the date and time they took the photo and sometimes it will show the location. And for someone's photo to come through without a location on it, they intentionally turned it off before they sent it. So that's just something for you to know. Don't think that because they sent a photo at a certain place at a certain time, they're there.

You best swipe up and check that shit. If they're acting like they just took it just now, and it shows from a month ago, or shows from a few hours ago, where the hell you at now, bitch? You know what I mean? It's gonna give you a lot of insight if someone is up to something, how to catch them.

Don't be naive, save the photo of your camera roll and just scroll up on it and it will show you the date, time, and location. So the next red flag is something that is only gonna bother certain people, but it reveals something about a person. If when you hang out with the person you're interested in, if there's no agreed upon plan to see each other again, there's a little bit of something weird going on.

Like for people to want to hang out with you consistently is normal. To want to leave an interaction and have certainty of when you're gonna see someone again is normal. Don't let anyone make you feel crazy for asking when you're going to see them again or putting effort into making a plan. You're going to know if they're just being nice and trying to appease you. Like, oh yeah, we'll set it up. We'll set it up. And like, they're just trying to get you off their backs so they can politely be like, no, I don't want to see you again.

But if it's someone you're seeing consistently and you guys do hang out often, it kind of is a red flag. If every time you leave, you don't have any idea of when you're gonna see each other again. That's odd. And a lot of people cannot handle that uncertainty. I'm one of them. I can't deal with that shit.

I'm a no when I'm seeing you again. Like date time something. Like even if it's a rough estimate of this or that day, all right, done. We'll plan it later. But a lot of people get insecure with asking for certainty. This is a red flag if someone is constantly just like fine with going by the seat of their pants. If you're someone who needs certainty

and doesn't like to just leave shit up in the air, you need to assess if this is someone that you're gonna be compatible with because they're okay with uncertainty. They're okay with not having stability in your connection and knowing when they're gonna see you again. So this might be a red flag for a lot of things but a conversation about it can easily reveal

which one it is. Do they not like you? Or are they someone that's actually just okay with uncertainty? Or are they not that worried about their safety and their connection with you? Or are they so secure in your connection together that they know they're gonna to make time to see you

and it's consistent enough. This is the different stages that wouldn't be at in the talking or dating stage. It's like, these are the things that could come up. That's what I'm saying. It's a red flag. That one unveiled like four. But the red flag is not knowing when you're going to see them again. That's what's going to trigger you.

You're like, okay, read it into this. What the hell is going on? Okay, read it. The next red flag is if someone is not very complimentary That's kind of hard because a lot of people like our Complementary or they're at least going to be sweet to you and make you feel good but if you are complimentary to them and They try to downplay the compliment or diminish it or if you do something sweet for them or do something nice or thoughtful

and they try and downplay it or they don't show that it means something to them. Red flag, do I even need to explain that one? I feel like you guys get it. That's very fucking clear what that means. But also this flips on the backside when they compliment you or they do something sweet or nice or thoughtful for you. Do they downplay that when you show a good reaction to it? When you show appreciation, do they downplay what they just did? Does your appreciation make them uncomfortable? Does expressing emotion, expressing gratitude make them uncomfortable? That's what to look out for. Okay, the next red flag comes from when someone says they don't want something

serious or they don't want anything to happen too fast like we don't want to move too fast if someone says this to you That's totally fucking fair totally valid totally fine. They can express where they're at but These are things to not allow them to do once they declare that if we're gonna move slow with move slow But when someone Says they want something to not move too fast and then they do things to make things move fast or to make you take things more Serious do not entertain that shit don't fucking go one of the typical things is like They'll invite you to hang out with their friends They'll invite you to get involved in their life, to come over, to spend time with them,

and these intimate settings that like, when they involve you in their life, and they're seen with you, if they're posting about you, if you're hanging out with their friends, if you're meeting their family, that is gonna do nothing, but fuck you up mentally. If you're someone who's ready for something, and you're sure about who you like

For them to say I want to take it slow totally fair Everybody should take it slow because you have to get to know a person But my thing is if you're someone that you're sure about them and they're like I want to take it easy But they're involving you in their life and sending these mixed messages. Do not go when they invite you to hang out with their friends. Do not goddamn fucking go. Do not waste your time because it is going to do nothing, but hurt you and make you second guess shit. It's going to make you take things more serious because of their actions. And you're the one going to get hurt by it.

So literally don't even entertain it. If someone says we're going to take it slow then God damn, let's take it slow. We're not doing no involved in each other in our lives. You're not coming to my shit, you're not meeting my people, I'm not meeting your people until we feel comfortable to do it. Take it slow means take it slow from both sides.

So don't get played like that. Don't let somebody tell you, oh, let's take it slow, and then be inviting you and involving you in their life. Don't tolerate that shit. Don't fucking do that. And the reason I'm so harsh about this is because I'm here to protect you.

Whenever I'm talking about things that are gonna protect you, I get real amped up. And that's something that a lot of people message me about all the time, is like the mixed messages. Do they like me? Do they not? What's going on? Why do I feel crazy?

Why do I feel like I like them more? You're ready to take it serious? They're not. So when they do things that you could take as them taking it serious, it's going to make you take things more serious than they are and you're going to be the one left getting hurt. So don't even tolerate that shit. If you want to take it slow, all right, let's take it slow. And before we keep going, I'm going to take a second to talk about the sponsors of today's podcast. We got some good ones. First is squeezed.com. And if you are

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Oh, this one's big. If you at any moment feel the urge to withdraw the love you're showing them or to hold back on how much you're showing you care to them, wrap it up and get the fuck out because it shows you're unappreciated. You feel not valued, you feel unappreciated. The only time you want to withdraw on the love and attention you show somebody is if you don't feel like you're getting it back, if you don't feel like you're getting it back, if you don't feel like it's equal, it's typically when you're going to want to withdraw. And I'm not talking about you've been holding back since the beginning, like some people hold back and don't express love and like share the way that they care about somebody with

them fully from the beginning because they're like easing into it. You don't want to just unleash that people think you love Baamnam. You never should just unleash how you feel. But if you have been expressing the way that you feel and making them feel cared about and just like being open and honest, if you all of a sudden or at any moment feel like you want to withdraw it,

withdraw yourself completely. This is something I've experienced too many times and also so many of my friends are going through it. Do not deal with that. Literally, as soon as you don't feel appreciated, get the fuck out. Don't try and make excuses. Don't try and understand it.

Clearly, if you're at the point where you feel like you want to pull back, that means you feel like you're overextending. It takes a minute to get there. There's been plenty of time for someone to do shit right. So have a conversation about it and end it if you need to. Wholeheartedly. Okay, the next red flag is if someone is, like, unimpressed by things.

And I know I'm very big on, like, saying I'm chronically unimpressed. That's just because nothing's up to my fucking standards. That's because I don't like nothing. But there are things that make me happy and there are things that do impress me here and there and that's one thing we all collect on and that's why my newest clothing drop is the chronically unimpressed collection because you guys get it like we're on the same boat like it's not that we're just like hiding how we feel like we're just fucking unimpressed by everything out there. But the person that's a red flag is someone who is unimpressed by everything.

I'm talking everything. Like I said, I have things that make me excited. I do get happy about certain things. I do show appreciation to certain things and people and experiences and stuff like that. Like I am not like numb and void of any emotional expression Watch out for the people that are if someone seems like they are just Unimpressed by everything and nothing means anything to them. They're not really excited by anything At first it can be attractive. You can be like oh like they're not impressed by certain shit

It's like oh, they're like, it shows like competence in them. Not always. Some people just have a fucked up perspective on life. And some people are just not able to appreciate things. So before you're attracted to someone seeming not impressed by fame, money, like any social status or situation or like anything going on, if they don't seem impressed by fame, money, like any social status or situation or like anything going on if they don't seem impressed by that, make sure it's not with everything because what initially attracts you to somebody about them being unimpressed is going to turn on you. If they're unimpressed by everything, you're not going to be the exception. This is a hard pill to swallow and this is something that I used to be very

Attracted to was like the unimpressed thing to an extent you got to be unimpressed like me Like you're not impressed with like certain people's attention and certain shit But you like certain things and when you do have something you appreciate it's clear if there's not anything clear in their life that they appreciate That's gonna turn on you. You're next. So, I would say run for the hills. All right, the next red flag is if someone seems unappreciative of their time with you, and this can take many forms. Like if it's always just surface level bullshit conversation, and when you guys are hanging out,

they don't seem to be like very engaged in your attention and talking to you and hanging out with you. There is a disconnect with your time being seen as valuable. So, if they're playing on their phone a lot, if they're always wanting to watch a movie, if they're sleeping, like following a sleep when they're with you, if they don't seem to be excited to talk to you all day,

or like, if you guys haven't talked all day, or talked for like two days or whatever it is, if they finally talk to you again, like if you FaceTime or like whatever it is, if they don't seem excited about getting to talk to you again, that's its own red flag. But if someone is doing things that just makes you feel like they're unappreciative of their time with you, the disconnect is they don't see the value in your time. They don't see your time as special. There's someone who is used to having someone in their life and giving out their attention to them. So for example, I'm someone who for me to even just give my time to someone in a relationship style or to even like let someone get

close to me. For me to even be texting somebody all day or to be hanging out with somebody or Anything like that. That's a big investment for me personally. I don't just do that shit casually You have to hold a special place in my life to get that from me So other people don't have the same outlook on that a lot of people are used to just entertaining people all the time. They're used to just chatting and talking and flirting and messaging and calling people and going on dates. A lot of people have a different perspective

and value associated with their time and attention that if you're with someone who doesn't value their time, like you value yours, you're gonna feel like fucked on. You're gonna feel like they're not really appreciative or respectful of your time together. They're not gonna seem excited or like invested in it. They're just gonna be taking it casual and just hanging out because they don't look at it as an investment.

Time is an investment, especially when you're busy. But for someone like me, for me to just talk to somebody that's a lot So I'm very sensitive to disrespect and I'm very quick to fucking voice it when I feel like someone is Disrespecting my time or not seeming appreciative of it bitch You ain't gonna get it no more if you keep fucking around you will lose it quicker than you got it And it takes a minute to catch my attention, but like that you lose it So that's something to just get very clear on with you. If you're not someone who's used to talking to people

and having like people you entertain, you're gonna take talking to someone a lot more serious. So I don't want you to second guess yourself for question yourself, like they don't appreciate me, I'm not good enough, they don't wanna hang out with me, I'm not exciting, eh, let's know that shit. They might just look at investing time with you different than you do. This just might be something they do casually and they do it all the time and it might not

be that for you. So that's a situation where you're going to be taken at more serious than they are and that's a disconnect to clear up or get your ass moving. Okay, the next red flag is just fun for funsies. Emotions. If someone is scared of intensity, like I talk very intense sometimes, I get very happy and I'm very loving. The love I have to give and the way that I care for someone is so fucking strong,

like you feel it. Like when I come at you with love, it's a lot. Like it's a lot energetically to feel, but that's the same thing with my intensity and my negative emotions. They all come very strong. So someone who wants all of the happy emotions and all the happy feelings on this high degree,

you need to be aware that they come in the opposite degree too. So all the good shit, feeling 10 times as good as you know it, is same as the bad. It's gonna be just as intense. And for someone that's not able to handle intense emotions, you might wanna run. Cause like for me to date someone

who can't handle intensity and emotions, not gonna fucking happen. Like I'm very expressive, I'm very intense. Like with everything I do say, how I feel, whether it's good or bad, I'm very intense with all of it. So if you're someone that's like that, you need to find someone that's strong

and someone that can handle it. So one way to tell if someone cannot handle your emotions is, do they blame your reaction to things or the thing that's occurred Especially if it's something that they did do they blame your reaction to it or do they see why what they did or What's happened caused you to feel that way? I'm not saying you're free to just explode and like express your emotions however you want But if you get upset by something, are they understanding of it? Or are they going to judge you for being upset?

Or are they going to take ownership of like, okay, I see how this situation caused that. Like, I see why you'd feel that way. That's someone who can handle emotions. Someone who can look at a situation and see you feeling upset. Even if it's not like very strong, like if you're just upset by something, some people get very uncomfortable. If you're upset by something, you're mad about something and the person you're with can see, okay, it makes sense.

Like I see why you'd be upset. That's safe, that's fine. Someone that's gonna judge you and tell you you're being fucking dramatic or being intense or it's your fault because you acted this way. Ah, grow ahead of him before you leave, but leave. You absolutely are leaving But like swing first whoa on the way out. Oh my god That's something I dealt with in childhood so bad and that's one thing

I hate isn't people try and make your reaction the issue no bitch. It's a chain reaction cause an effect What the fuck was the cause that just gave you this effect? We on the same page. People just act dumb, like they don't understand that. Like girl, judge my reaction all you want. I don't care. I hope someone does the same thing to you when that shit happens. When you have something to say to you and you find the express it and someone calls you

dumbass for it or calls you dramatic or you're doing things. Maybe this happened because you acted like that. Oh, people hate when they get it back, but I'm so excited when they do, because this life is a mirror. How you are is what you're going to get. You're going to get it reflected right back to you. So people that are like the little red flag I talked about have fun. Okay, the next red flag is something that's going to come up from when you try and put

a label on things. So if you're going to label something as a relationship, watch the person's reaction. Even if it's not a label of like relationship, like how I do it, like before I even say, I'm like, down to date you, like a few weeks in, it don't take long. If I like someone, I'll say, look, I like you. I'm not talking to nobody else. I don't want you talking to nobody else. And I don't want you hooking up with anybody else. I don't want anything else going on while we go down this road and see where things are going to go. That's what I need to feel safe to go forward. Look at the person's reaction, whether it's

you're asking for a label of a relationship or you're asking for basic like, let's just not talk to anybody else while we get to know each other. That's fair to do. But the red flag is going to come from their reaction. Are they appreciative that you said that? Or are they nervous? Are they worried? Are they scared? Are they resistant to it? Do they not like it? Do they think it's your taking things too fast? That most likely means they're unsure about you and they don't know if they wanna go further with it yet.

So watch their reaction when you try and bring up some kind of commitment. And that will reveal a lot to you. It's either going to reveal that you're more into this than they are, you're taking it more serious than they are, or you have different relationships about getting to know people. You might value different things. I value safety. I'm not going into something with somebody who's talking to other fucking people. You're not getting close to me while you have other options.

That's how I am. I value safety. So I value the commitment. I require the commitment to progress with things. Other people don't. Other people can fully just go into things and be entertaining other people the whole time. I'm not one of them.

So depending on which side you fall on, you need to ask the question and watch the reaction and you're fully fine and you're fully allowed to demand exclusivity with someone, whether it's just from like not talking to anybody and not entertaining anybody else or a relationship. Like if that's what you need to feel safe to move forward, demand that shit. And if they won't give it to you, somebody the fuck else will. Who's ready for it and can handle you. Now the last red flag is the one that hurts the most, but it's true. Sorry, but I'll tell you what to do about it. So if you at any point have to hunt or you notice yourself looking for reassurance that someone likes you,

there's two things that could be happening. One, they're not into you, or two, you're on different pages. And what I mean by you're on different pages, there's so many fucking things that you could be on different pages about. The way they express emotions might be different from the way that you do. The expressing gratitude and appreciation for things, they might have a bad relationship with it. That's not even emotions. Like, you got to check their relationship to express an emotion. They're a relationship to express in things that they appreciate and care about.

Then you also got a question and check, how serious are you taking it? How serious are they taking it? And has enough time gone by where you should feel reassured yet. Like sometimes you have to call yourself on it and be like, okay, no. The thoughts in the back of my head are getting to me.

Like, if you notice and you're looking for reassurance, like once, I'm like, okay, I think they don't like me. Let me look for proof of the opposite. One time you can look for reassurance. If you have to keep doing it, stop, Literally stop. You do not want to be with someone who's going to make you question if they even fucking like you. It's going to be so obvious you will not have to hunt for reassurance. You'll be able to look around and just be like, okay, well, they did this and this and this and this and this. Okay, great. Like, it's not going to be a

hunt where you're like trying to think back and remember conversations and read through old texts just to see if like things have changed. Don't worry about all that. Like if it's not able to be thought of like quickly, okay, they like me because of this, this and this. Then they probably don't or they have a poor relationship to express any emotions or appreciation. And that's someone you don't want to deal with.

And you do not want to go forward or something where you don't feel appreciated or you don't even feel like they like you. That's a life ahead, I quaytin' for you. You can have a conversation about it all you want. I have a conversation about everything I feel, so I straight up just talk about this shit if I feel it. But as soon as there's a couple of things I wanted to bring up that you might wanna look into

with that whole dynamic of hunting for reassurance and having to go on a scavenger hunt that they still like you. into with that whole dynamic of like hunting for reassurance and having to go on a scavenger hunt that they still like you. But I've hang it the fuck up in your closet you don't like. And then burn a house down. And that's all I have for the red flags in this video. If you wanna watch my old red flags video, you can go watch it, I'll put it in the link in the description.

Also, if you wanna get any of my clothing that just dropped the chronically unimpressed collection, I will link that in the description. I will also link my tickets for my tour that I'm doing in early January. A lot of the shows have sold out, but there are some tickets still left. As always, all of my social media will also be linked in the description. If you like this video and you're watching it on YouTube, leave it a thumbs up and subscribe and I'll dead. If you're new here, welcome to the party.

This is where you want to be. If you're listening to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, five stars as usual. If you don't leave the audio version on Apple Podcasts in Spotify, five stars as usual. If you don't leave five stars rating, you are a big fan. Well, that's all I got for this episode. Everybody, be safe, take care of yourself. And I will talk to you guys next Sunday.