Aware & Aggravated - 136. The Open Relationship Scam, Mastering Rapid Change, & Toxic Parents (WWLD)

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

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I'm so excited for this episode. The first situation already has me like writhing. But what would Leo do sounds exactly like what it is. What would Leo do? You guys write in and ask me what I would do in your situation and I give you advice how I would handle it or how not to handle it because of my past mistakes. And as always the link to submit your situation if you want to be on the next episode

will be in the description. Everything is anonymous, but when you write it and submit something, the first line, give me a line of what the topic is, because I wanna be able to pull more angles of advice, not just relationship stuff. A lot of people were in the comments last week, pissy. It's just about relationships. Well, y'all the ones that control.

Everybody's going through shit. I'm just trying to help out. If you want something different, submit something. But my point with that is give me the exact thing, like the topic that you're gonna be asking about in the headline so I can filter through and see like what I wanna add and what I don't wanna add. This week, ooh.

Okay, get it together. This is serious. You're good, professional. Okay, my fiance wants to adopt my daughter. I told him no, as even though I love him and would love for him to be the father figure of my daughter's life, my child comes first and I cannot trust him to have that kind of control over her, especially after having a horrible legal battle with my daughter's biological father. My fiance was really hurt by this and the fact that

I did not trust him enough, he even brought up us potentially breaking up. Would love your take on this whole situation." My take is break up. I'm not kidding either. Like if he does not understand this is solely about your child, that's a major issue. The fact that he's taking this personally is a red flag from hell because he watched you or he knows about what you've gone through with the child's dad and your ex. He knows that you know what it's like to go into a relationship and think that everything is peachy keen. Come to find out things are not peachy keen.

Things are very so bitch, so bitchy keen. You already have a little bit of valid reason not to trust people. You've experienced the flip and you've experienced the hell and the consequences of choosing the wrong person and having to deal with the legal battle of it. I, in your situation, would never hand over any type of legal control or any input from another human being, especially someone that is not the biological father. Like this is your fiance. That's a big issue. Fiance? Why you

ain't married? Why he's worried about your level of commitment and he ain't even slapped the wedding on you yet. He just wants to give you a ring and say, give me your daughter. He has you fucked up and he has me fucked up now. We're in this together. I don't wanna seem so harsh and so mad about it,

but it's his lack of objectivity when he's looking at the situation. He's getting so insecure about it and making it personal. My major concerns that come up are giving legal power and control over your child. And then something happens. If you make more than him, you might have to pay him child support

if he decides to leave. Also, it flips the other way. If you guys break up and he's financially well off and you're not able to provide the court system We'll take her it's very very very hard for a woman to lose her daughter But if he's got enough money he can pay to corrupt the system and get it flipped in his favor Anyone that knows what I'm talking about knows this is not bullshit The court system is not here to help you and if he tries to be a real dick about you leaving or

is not here to help you. And if he tries to be a real dick about you leaving or him wanting to leave or whatever happens, if he makes more, he can flip it to have your daughter taken from you. Do not, under any circumstances, let this dude take legal ownership of your child. 1000% you have my blessing of fuck no. And if he wants to break up over it, break up over it.

But I think the thing you need to fight about is the principle and the point and taking him out of seeing it personally and being like, how do you not fucking see the damage this could cause and what you're asking of me with my daughter? Y'all know I have a soft spot for kids and you do anything to protect your child in my eyes. If you're not willing to do anything for your child, I do not think you should have one. That's a big trait of a parent and to look out for the best interest of your child comes before anybody's feelings. So if he wants to get so pussy hurt about it, he wants to break up, break up. You don't give him power over your child legally to

make him feel better. Fuck his feelings. Nobody's feelings matter when it comes to your child's life and your child's safety You are allowed to be as harsh and direct and fuck know about this as you want. I'm fully with you I'm a little riled up over this because I don't want you questioning yourself for one second And it honestly makes me feel bad because he's making you feel like shit and you're over here questioning yourself No, do not he's not being sensitive to the situation. His feelings of questioning your commitment to him and wanting to be the legal guardian of your daughter is one conversation. Your inability to trust and hand over that level of power to someone after you

just got out of a situation where they abused it, the biological dad, you saw the hell you can go through. So there is no logical person in this world that would look at you and say, yes, you should just freely hands over your child. Damn. Oh my God, it's the best decision. No logical human being would tell you that. Keep that in the back of your head.

Anybody who tells you you're being harsh, you're being mean, you need to learn how to trust people. No, absolutely the fuck not. There are times when you give people the benefit of the doubt and you try to trust people. And there's other times where you don't even take the risk to trust if they're going to be a piece of shit or not. This is a situation, it's your daughter's life and your daughter's livelihood. Do not even leave it up to trust or taking a chance.

You do anything you can that is certain and solid that makes you and her both okay and leaves you in control. There's times to trust and there's times to not. This is one where you do not. You don't give someone a chance to fuck around with your child. Absolutely not. Stick to your guns on this and do not bend. Trust and believe baby. He's not leaving you. He might want to fuck around and cry a little.

He ain't leaving you. All right, let's go to the next one. Y'all got really good with these. Okay, I broke up with my fiance because he refused to get tested to see if our kidneys matched after potentially needing a transplant after being involved in a bad car accident. Thankfully, I ended up not needing one, but later found out my fiance refused to even get tested when asked by the doctor if he would be willing to give me his kidney, if worse came to it. Long story short, I lost my shit and left him, but was told by a few of my family members that I was selfish and unreasonable, as he was a generally good person and took care of me. I don't believe that I'm selfish and I stand by my actions,

but would appreciate your perspective on this fully with you. No bad decision was made and anybody who is telling you you were mean and selfish and rude, wouldn't give you their kidney. So clean out people in your life who told you that. That's a big indicator of what the fuck? You don't love like I love. I'll chop off my arm if I have to to save someone I love. No questions asked.

He wouldn't even get tested. Wouldn't even get tested to see if he was a match. I understand if you're dating someone who cannot risk giving up a kidney. And it's like every single thing is stacked in their favor. At the end of the day, you still should get tested to see if worst case scenario, you are a match and can do it.

It's fully okay to make sure and go through a list of donors and people that could give it to you before him. That's fine, that's valid. I get that. But he should have no hesitation with getting tested just to see if he was a match. That leads my paranoid ass to think of other shit. Why are you so scared to even get tested?

Is he hiding having HIV or some kind of disease he don't want you knowing about? That's where my red flags come up. You got to think real fucking strategic about this shit. Don't make it all about, oh, he don't love me enough. He's just bad. There might be more to the story. He might just be a typical modern day man of a pussy bitch and actually not be willing to give you a kidney.

That's a possibility, but there's also a possibility there's more to it with him hiding something else. So I would say maybe ask about that. Me stirring shit. No, this is like a serious situation. You already left his ass, which is great. Love you, proud of you. I know that was hard, but when people's true colors

get revealed, you act accordingly, because if they get you again, or you deal with some other shit after you see their true colors and you chose to stay, it's on you. You saw who the fuck you were dealing with. You saw you were playing with a hot stove. You got burned, oh wow.

Once you realized it was hot, you shouldn't have fucking touched it. But I don't want you to doubt yourself for two seconds over this, but I do want you to pry and say, what do you got? What's the real issue here? You have a pussy bitch and you was too scared to give me a kidney or you hiding something.

That's what I would do. That's what Leo would do, yeah. Oh, here we go, oh my God. I need to drink some water to cool down. What? Maybe this one. Okay. I'm gonna be nice to you

because I do have to hurt your feelings. But someone said, why do I keep getting ghosted? I meet men that seem interested in the beginning and then all of a sudden, I can't even get them to answer me. I'm confident in my physical appearance. It has to be something else. What would Leo do to get revenge on being ghosted?

Revenge was all caps. Why do you feel like you need revenge over this? I'm going to hold your hand when I say this because I'm looking out for you and all these people are too scared to say it. There's something pushing them away. People ghost when they are scared of conflict and they don't have the balls to tell you straight up what's going to happen. But with today's society, people can't handle the truth. People can't handle honesty or anything that makes them question themselves or have to reflect. Do you see people get canceled all the time? I've been through cancellations of me saying shit that is so triggering because

it's so true. People have to face themselves and they rather attack the messenger than look at the issue. So they're ghosting you because they're too scared to be honest with you. But if it was one person ghosting you, I would still not encourage revenge. But because there is a track record of this, this means there's more going on than you're aware of. And no one is just telling you, you don't need to get revenge.

You need to reflect on this one. What is causing each one to ghost? What is making this a track record? What is off putting? What is pushing people away that you are not aware of? If you're in contact with any of these people now that the, since you wrote this in, like if you've, if they've reached out or anything, ask them honestly, just ask them, be like, I just want to know if there's something that I'm not seeing because this is a track record, like lay out the carpet for them to feel safe of, I'm not going to get mad at you.

I'm not going to have a reaction. I genuinely want the honesty, even if it hurts because I want to know what this thing is. I'm dedicated to growing and becoming more aware. And I want to know what this thing is because clearly something I'm doing or something about me is holding me back from the thing that I want, which is a boyfriend or a partner. So I'm looking to understand this. Will you be honest with me? That's one way to approach it if they're still in your life.

If they've ghosted you and I still haven't reached out, don't fucking reach out. Leave it be. Go to the people in your life that are closest to you and ask them to brutally tell you the truth. What the fuck is it that you think people are ghosting me for? Be straight up and lay it out the same way that you want to understand it better and promise that you won't have a negative reaction. If they use this opportunity to bully you and criticize the shit out of you,

that's different. Then you can have a negative reaction. But if they're honestly just giving you insight and honest input of what they're evaluating and what they see and what they know of you, that's going to be helpful. It might be like criticism, but if someone is being just blatantly disrespectful, you can have a reaction. All right? But if they're just being critical and it hurts, but you see that it's true, shut the fuck up and take it in and reflect.

That's what I would do about this situation. The focus does not need to be going out on revenge. It needs to be going in on what am I not seeing? Because there might be something. Okay, the next person said, what would you do if you feel stuck with no way out? I've been in this position many times, but the biggest thing with feeling stuck, I'm glad you said I feel stuck, not I am stuck with no way out.

You're not speaking bad things and untrue things over yourself because you're never stuck. You're never trapped situations and circumstances outside of what you're currently in might not be ideal and might not be what you want, but you can always choose them and leave and get out of whatever it is. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's like going to be the best situation and it's not going to suck because sometimes you only have shit or shittier for two options. But if the shit is forever and shittier ends, get the shittier out of the way. Do it even if it's worse because it lets up and there's a whole different life after it. But the whole thing is to see and to remember,

you are never stuck. You feel stuck and that's totally valid. Why do you feel stuck? Fully backtrack how you got to where you are. And the biggest thing with feeling stuck is I went through this in my whole little like recent car accident with like my brunt with death and like almost dying. I saw how so many things like I was perceiving were not actual limitations and

weren't actual issues. I was convinced and in a separate reality that these things were more powerful than they were and it's a false reality you live things were more powerful than they were. And it's a false reality you live in. So if you think about tomorrow, okay, someone tells you tomorrow is your last day. What are you going to regret not doing? And what are you going to see way different? What are you going to wish you just said, fuck it and chose the seemingly bad consequences to get out of what you're in, but you didn't? What would you regret? What would you see different? And looking down on your life,

cause that's what happens when you flip into this question and this perspective is like you have an objective view of what's going on and you see this cloud over you is just a false reality that you feel stuck in, but all this shit is fixable. All this shit is changeable. And you can fully get out of it. That's a really good way to do it. That's how I experienced it by life. Enough, alright? Shit. Had to slam me into a fucking tree

to make me see I wasn't stuck. Ha ha ha. But one more question you can ask yourself is when you're looking at your situation or you're just doing things, what makes me feel less stuck? What thought makes me feel less stuck? And go that route.

If you truly feel stuck with no way out, I've been in that situation before where I truly saw no other option but death was my way out or the death of the person that was doing things to me. That's the only two outs I saw. If you truly feel like you are so trapped and you see no way out, I want you to fully dedicate a ridiculous amount of time fully dedicate a ridiculous amount of time to finding new ways out. I'm talking five hours a day. You sit down at a table with a pen and paper and you write down any fucking thing you could think of any option, any new route, any possibility that could happen, any person that could help you.

Any new thing that you can see about the situation, you spend hours a day, an amount of effort, intentional effort and focus onto finding a new way out that it doesn't make sense for you not to find one. I want you to fully exhaust yourself with finding a way out. Talk to as many people as you can. Go see handfuls of therapists if you can afford it. Go talk to people in the grocery store. Random people, just ask them,

hey, do you have time like I need advice? I need a stranger's input on something and you seem wise ask old people they have the best fucking advice I ask old people when I'm in public when I feel like intuitively drawn to them all the time What is advice you would give yourself when you were 20 or when you were younger or 26? Like whatever age I am is what I ask for and then I hear other people's perspectives From a longer life and like double my lifespan. And it always gives me a lot of perspective.

And I love hearing advice from people. Give yourself a goal of I'm going to talk to 10 different people a day and go talk to these people, go ask them about your situation. Pull in as many perspectives as you can to sit there and throw your hands up and say, there's no way out is lazy. Dedicate to finding a way out or stay stuck. But when you dedicate yourself to finding a way out is lazy. Dedicate to finding a way out or stay stuck. But when you dedicate yourself to finding a way out, you will be amazed at all of the new perspectives and all of the new ways out

and other options that you see that you didn't see before. Also the way your brain is going to expand. When you talk to people about your situation, they're going to open up to you about yours. You're going to hear hardships they've been through that might be harder and how they did it and how they made it and how they're okay. You'll get a lot of encouragement. You'll feel better. You won't feel alone with negative shit happening because you'll be talking to

people who have made it through things that are the same level of bad or worse. And it brings you a whole new sense of hope and inspiration and not feeling so alone in it. And it brings you a lot of new perspective. That is the thing. You dedicate a ridiculous amount of time to finding any way out before you make a life-changing decision. And that's all I'm gonna say on that. There's a way.

You just gotta put your ass into it. You got to put the intentional effort and focus into it. You will shock the shit out of yourself. Trust me, I have to do this all the time. Quick little Pauzy poo. We got to talk about the sponsors of today's podcast. Thank you guys for sponsoring the show. Our first sponsor is Quince and Quince is a really good website as a go to for

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for better performance. And this one, once you use it, you'll see. But now, back to the podcast. Okay, this one's shortened to the point, I like it. Thoughts on throuples. I don't think of them. But whenever I see people who are part of a throuple or I see like a throuple out or on social media,

I don't judge nothing, I don't shame nothing. I just say to myself, they know something I don't. Because I could fucking never, never in my life share somebody I'm with. A throuple maybe, if I'm dating two people, they're not dating but I'm dating two. I couldn't even do that though, I don't like cheating. I like one, I like one and done, pick and stick.

So I wouldn't even be cool with a throuple even if it's like one sided, like I'm an asshole, like I get two boyfriends and you get one. Like, I'm not even cool with that. I personally don't ever see how I could be okay with a throuple or sharing my partner with anyone, especially sexually. That's not something I can do or have the perspective

to tap into for that. They know something that I don't, or they're choosing to deal with certain things that I would never deal with that they actually aren't okay with. I don't judge it, I don aren't okay with I don't judge it I don't shame it. I don't think of it to be honest I let everybody do what the fuck they want and I just think to myself they know something I don't

That's it But one thing I do want to say about open relationships this generation Everybody just wants to be a hoe and go fuck around and anything that with legs They want to go play with it. I don't like that. This generation is so hypersexualized and everybody's in open relationships. I don't like that shit. I don't like that it's so normalized. But I've never met two people in an open relationship

that both wanted it. And I've met a lot of people who are in open relationships and talked to a lot of people between people I've coached in the past, people who have written into me, all these situations, they always say, Oh, I, that my boyfriend wanted an open relationship and I did it and I hate it. How do I deal with it?

A lot of people pretend like they're cool with it and they aren't, their partner wanted it and they were desperate enough to keep them that they just said, fuck it, we'll do it. Okay. And they have to sit there and suffer with it. I've never seen two people in an open relationship genuinely be happy and both genuinely wanted it. I'm positive it exists. Those type things definitely do exist, but it's not as common and healthy and wanted from both sides as society makes

it seem. It's like one in a thousand. They both wanted it and they're both happy in it just to clock that tea for you. What when to stop saying I just got out of a relationship as a reason to not go on a date with someone else asking because it's been eight months since I got broken up with and don't know if it's a valid answer to give someone. Fuck no eight months. It's almost a pregnancy. You're not over it. Okay. I don't mean to be rude. I don't mean like, wow, you're not over it, but like, you're still not wanting to go on dates and like using that excuse.

You look nuts, babe. Don't say that lie or something. Oh, it was two months ago, three months ago. I'm not ready yet. That sounds a little bit more like acceptable, but like to be like, oh yeah, I'm not ready yet. I just got out of a relationship eight months ago. I would run like hell. Someone said that to me. Lie, maybe don't. I'm looking out for other people when I say don't lie,

because I'd rather people be honest about where they're at mentally and emotionally before you get involved with them. But looking out for you, I'll say lie. If you're truly that caught up on your ex, don't date until you're ready. Go soul search a little bit. Do what you got to do to get over it. Watch my podcast episodes about breakups.

Trust and believe it'll help you. But there's not enough context to know if you're saying you're not over it or if you're just still using that excuse because it sounds good. If you're just using it as an excuse to get someone to leave you the fuck alone, definitely say, yeah, I got out of a relationship two months ago or a month ago, or I just ended a relationship. I'm not ready yet. You don't have to say a time. Just telling me, just got out of a relationship. You're not looking to date yet. That's totally fair. If you just need an excuse, use it till the cows come home.

But if you still caught up on it, baby. Who? But you also didn't add how many years you were together. So I'm not thinking this was like a super long term thing. Like if it was like a year or two, your relationship, eight months, babe, you're fine. Go, go fiddle somebody else. But I'd be using excuses to all the time. Like when people talking to me or they're like being weird and trying to flirt. Not what that's not even weird. When people hit on me and show interest

in me, any attention where people are trying to sexualize me or talk to me, I'm like, get the fuck away from me. If I don't like you, I'm like, but if I do like you, I'm like, what's T bring your last over here? Where are you going? Where are we going? But if someone does hit on me and I want to politely shut it down, I'm like, oh, I'm talking to somebody or I'm with somebody. I'm not, but I damn fucking sure will say it because what are you going to say? Prove it. Shut the fuck up and get out of my face.

Get out of my business. I was trying to be polite. Now fuck off. You know what I mean? Use the excuse if you want to use the excuse, but it's okay to lie sometimes. Only time I lie is like that or like with cops. I condone lying. No can I say this online?

Not under like the courtroom, not in the courtroom. Don't lie in the courtroom like when you swear in the Bible and stuff. But like if a cop pulls you over, yeah I had to shit. Like I'm speeding because I have to shit. Like act like you about to like bubble guts and shit all over the car. Do what you got to do to get out of ticket. Let me move on to the next one before I get myself in trouble. How to not be discouraged with rejections.

I've applied for a few internal transfers with no luck. So we're talking about rejections in a business standpoint and with career. I don't think you should get discouraged at all with rejections when it comes to business because you can fully ask everything you need to do or be to get to the place that you want to be. So if you're talking to your boss and you don't get transferred, you don't get a promotion, you don't get something, okay,

go to them and ask what are the traits and what is the person in that position need to be doing? I want to get a clear game plan of like what I can be improving on, what I need to learn and how I can do it. Show a genuine effort to rise to the occasion and be what they see fit for the role. And you taking the initiative like that and not taking it like a personal attack and then freaking the fuck out. You're just like, okay,

so it's a skill deficiency. What skills do I need? What do I need to be better at? What amount of experience do I need to have? Like, is it a year thing? Figuring out what made you not qualify for the promotion or for the transfer is going to set you free mentally from nitpicking and being insecure and thinking about all this shit. If it was business, it was a, well, I don't want to say it's always like a business decision and it's like a money thing. And like the company's looking out for itself because certain people be fucking their boss and they get the promotion. But that's a possibility.

But like the real route of it is figure out what you need to do and be and be able to do to get to that position and make yourself a game plan and then fully do what's on the game plan. And then when you go in for the next interview or whatever requests you have to transfer, if it gets denied again, okay, why? Like not in like a why? Like help me understand why I wasn't promoted. Is there anything else I needed to do? Like these are the things that I tried to improve on. These are the skills that I now have. This is the experience that I now have. What am I missing? Is there something else that I need to be doing,

improving or changing and see what their advice is because you will be able to clearly and quickly tell if it's bullshit. And if someone just don't like you, it'll be obvious. Once you do all of the skills and all of the objective things that they want for that position, once you complete all that and do all that, then it's like, now what the fuck's tea? Now who got a problem? Get up, Karen. Now who got a problem? Get up, Karen. I hope that made sense because when you do this, it's going to take all of your critiques of yourself. Like, is it my personality? Is it my looks? Is it my weight? Is it my this? Is it my that?

And put it on the skillset. So when you see that you didn't get the transfer because of the lack of a skill, you fully can change that. You fully can improve and do it, but you're not running around with the whole like throwing a knife in yourself and attacking yourself and cutting yourself for like if I wasn't Like this if I was like I need to change a personality and like take the knife out of yourself This is not a situation where you need to attack yourself for it Find out what the skill is you need and get yourself to that position and don't take no for a goddamn answer that's a way of not taking no for an answer is

Making sure you can do it asking the question seeing where you can improve to get to where you want to go when you put Your goals in your hand and you don't just hear a rejection and just sit back and do nothing That's passive. That's puss So if you want to get to that position do everything in your power to do it who do I need to meet with what skills? Do I need to have the list goes on but just get your ass in there and get yourself to where you want to be. Get the information you need, do it, and then get your transfer. You'll get it after you hand it like that. Oh my God.

T, what would you do if your partner got into a physical fight with your best friend? Who won? Because if your boyfriend lost, you got to leave him. No, I'm not kidding. This is actually a serious thing. So if your best friend and your partner got into a fight, you didn't tell me what it was about, but if they physically fought, that's a line you don't cross with people your best friends are dating.

I would not fight or put my hands on my best friend's boyfriends unless it was a situation where it was absolutely 100% warranted. I have enough respect for my friends not to cross that line because of a situation that's gonna put you in. I'm not gonna do anything and jeopardize you as my friend and overstep myself and beat the shit out of your boyfriend.

Have I done it in the past? Maybe, but I've learned my lesson. It's very disrespectful to your friend. If it's a life or death situation or you're putting your hands on my friend, I'm collecting your ass. No questions about it, no qualms about it. Give a fuck.

But if it was a situation where it was like a tiffy little argument, like a little tizzy they got in, they just got like in a little ego war and they fought about it, that is pathetic. And it shows a blatant disregard for you. So I think a big thing you need to question is what was the fight about and is it valid enough for them to do that? Because they put you in a horrible position and in a horrible situation and they show a blatant disrespect to you from both sides. It depends what the situation was. I wish you told me. I can't defend it properly or telling me dead ass wrong.

You know what I mean? Just know it's a more serious thing than just the, oh, my friends got in a fight. They put you in a bad position and they weren't looking after you and looking out for you and not crossing bounds. Like if your ego is worth more to you than your relationship with someone you love, that's an issue. That's a problem.

That's an unsafe person to care about. And that's not someone that's going to be loyal because someone who's truly loyal to you is not going to fight your partner as your best friend, unless it was 1000% warranted or it was to protect you. It's not going to be a little argument with words that like turns into that. And are they cool? Like are they able to like, bro it out and like dab up and be like, okay, it was a fight,

whatever, we're over it. That's all right. But don't fucking do it again is the thing. But if they're being like little bitches about it and they're like, I'm not talking to you ever again. And like they're being like little prises about it. That's different. That's annoying.

Okay, be a little more harsh if they're acting like that. But if they can just bro it out, I'd say don't fucking do that to me again. Don't put me in that position again. And do not ever fight in front of me again. A big thing with me is with girls around, I don't like to fight around girls. It takes two seconds for things to go a little

awry and the wrong person to get hit. So I'm very protective over women and I do not do that type shit around them unless it's like life or death or like a serious thing. Do what you want with the situation. You didn't give me enough context to give you an accurate what would Leo do, but if you're my boyfriend lost, I would leave him. As a girl, as a girl you gotta leave. Your boyfriend got bitched up by your best friend. You know what I mean? But if it's like a guy that I'm dating and he gets his ass beat,

I'm gonna teach him how to fight better. We're gonna brawl every night until he gets good. You know what I mean? Like I'm gonna teach you and help you. It's different because I'm gay. It's different. You know what I mean? But if you're a girl and your boyfriend got her ass beat

by your best friend. All right, Next person said, speaking as someone whose go-to move in life is also just to randomly move to cities and countries or switch jobs. I was wondering how do you build routine with so much change in your life? How do you stay rooted in your sense of yourself and who you are with so much changing around you constantly? You asked the right person. I thought I had a grip on this because I do move around a lot.

I've moved a lot in my life and I love to just run away, go restart, have fun. I don't like to take life too serious. I fully will just run away to prove my point. Here I go. The fuck? If I ever do leave somewhere or move it's because it's what's best for me. I'm just making a little joke with that because you think I'm uprooting my whole life just to get in a little ego fight?

Depends what it's about. But when it comes to consistency and routine, there's a couple of things that I do that bring me a sense of familiarity. A big thing is I spray a certain cologne on my bed before I go to sleep. And that brings me a sense of like familiarity. So like when I go to sleep, it doesn't matter what bed I'm in, I still have something familiar because I was just on tour and that was a new hotel room every single night and new city knew this, knew that new people, every single thing was different for so much of everything.

But my life's always kind of like that. But on tour, it was definitely heightened with location and area. But grounding into what you can do consistently. If you eat a certain way, try to eat the same way. If you dress a certain way, that's one big thing with me is I literally wear a uniform and I'll change certain things here and there. I'll put a different shoe, I'll put a different bag, but I like the consistency of the way that I show up and present.

And every time I look in the mirror, I recognize everything. It's like, cause my outside is constantly changing and I'm flipping so much shit constantly. It's like, I'm stable. I'm grounded with myself, but also the little things that I do, the habits that I have going to the gym, you could find a gym anywhere. The things that you do every single day are the things that you want to put in a routine, make a routine that no matter where you are, you can still do it. But the mindset that I was in when I was on tour and my mindset kind of all the

time in my life is everything's always changing. Every day when you wake up, it's a whole new day. That's a really good perspective to operate from. But when you wake up, every city was a new city for me. Every time I woke up, it was a new bed. It was a new car, a new plane, a new something I was going in, doing, seeing new people constantly nonstop. You don't know what your day is going to be like and you

cannot predict it. It gets you in a good relationship with the unknown when you kind of live with a lot of uncertainty as you wake up every single day in a state of unknown. You have a couple of things you can do to orient yourself back to comfort and familiarity with yourself and the things that you do. But going into it with the openness of your mindset of this is going to be totally different. Expecting it to be new and going into it for the newness that's coming. Not looking like, oh, this is wrong. This is bad.

It's not like this. It's not meant to be like anything before. It's fully new. Every single thing is new when you wake up every day. And when you change your life a lot, every single change you make can bring something new. So you get comfortable with things changing, but the mindset part is such a big key of it and not resisting things that are different and new because they're not like what you liked before. It's,

this is how this is now. I'm experiencing what it's like here or there or doing this thing or trying this, go into what the a sense of optimism and expectation for things to be new and feel new. That's my biggest advice for the mindset piece is don't go into it comparing, analyzing, wishing it was different.

Go into it for experiencing it for what it is. And going through that and see what pops out. You have way more fun when you're not sitting around looking at how things should be different or how it's not good or how whatever. It'll be like a fun experience when you wake up and you're like today's a fucking adventure let's see what happens and you just do your thing. But that's why I'm very grounded and very strong in my morals and my values and my character is because new situations come

up all the time and I make sure I act in line with myself every single time. So there's a level of predictability with my actions and the character and the decisions that I make. It's always predictable. No matter what comes up, I know I'm going to handle it in this way. So my sense of familiarity comes from that with every decision that I make. I know that I'm making it how I always make it with my values and my morals in line. And I'm not scared of things happening because I know how I'll handle it.

Does that make sense? Hope that helps. Cause this whole moving around shit, it is a lot. It's fun though. When you get the mindset right for it. Oh, it's a blast. So much fun. If you've made it this far in the episode, comment a purple heart. Cause I want to see everybody in the comments who listens this far. Cause I love you. Cause that was my last situation. But I do want to talk about next week's episode. Let's make it like a theme now. Cause a lot of people have been asking about sobriety cause I'm 136 days with no

alcohol as of right now. Ah wait, 133. My bad. I had to check my little tracker. But a lot of people are asking about a lot of things to do with sobriety and staying sober from things. So for this week, if you're watching this episode and you're going to write in a submission, write in for next week's episode, anything you want to know about discipline, self-control sobriety, anything around that or like tactics, tricks, how to navigate conversations, navigate going out sober.

I'll give you all my insight and everything that I've learned from my experience of it. And I'll tell you my tricks and my tips, but I really, really like not drinking and I don't see a use for it. Like I was going to drink yesterday. I was like contemplating. I was like, should I drink? And then a lot of people ask, how do I deal with staying sober and like, how do you manage it?

So I'll go through like how I decided to drink or not to drink. I decided not to, and I'm glad I did. But I'll run you through like how I make decisions. But if there's anything you want to know about discipline, self-control, sobriety, anything around that ballpark, submit it in the description. I'll put the link in there for you next week. What would Leo do? Sobriety edition, self-control edition, discipline edition. Boo. I know that scares everybody, but if you enjoyed this video, make sure to leave it a thumbs up. If you're listening to the audio version on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, five stars rating. You know the drill, babe. Thank you. I'll also link all of my social media in the description.

You can follow me, keep up with me. DM me on Instagram, I be checking those. I don't check them every single day, but I check them periodically, so. If you wanna send me something, I love when you guys send me funny ass memes that remind you of me, but not the Shrek one. A lot of y'all send me the one with Shrek

with the glasses and the, no! Don't sneak diss me, they are funny. Don't send me no Mr. Clean either. I'll block you. But that is all I've got for this week's episode. Everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.