Aware & Aggravated - 14. Why Nice People Finish Last

Episode Date: February 6, 2022

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Hi friends, this long-awaited episode is finally here. Why nice guys, the finishing last, but I really want to put emphasis on the friends when I say hi friends because I want you to know that we're friends and I'm only gonna tell you everything in this episode because you need to fucking hear it. Okay, but we're friends, we're besties, bestie for the restie, but I am gonna hurt your feelings. If you are someone that thinks they're a nice person and you're just like frustrated with why nobody likes you, babe, I'm about to bring you face to face

with what you need to hear. Please don't think I'm attacking you. I love you. So the whole nice guys finish last thing. This can be for girls too. So this is for anybody that considers their self-airquote a nice person that isn't picked and why like nobody wants you basically.

The phrase is just why nice guys finish last but it could be guy or girl or they or them. Okay, whatever you like, make it work. There's a lot to unpack with this but I'm just going to start at the first thing that comes to my mind, which is respect. If someone does not respect you, they will not want to fuck you. They will not want to be with you. They will not want to date you. They will not want to talk to you.

Get that. Like really get that and take that in for a second because that's something a lot of people don't really talk about Nowadays is respect anymore and I'm not saying like oh, you need to show me respect It's like no, you need to be respectable So no one is gonna watch you if you're not respectable So let's unpack that real quick because a lot of people are running around nowadays like toddlers and Want people to like them.

Like people don't not like you because you're nice. It's because of other things. I should have started with that. I should have started the whole fucking episode with that. People don't not like you. Is that the right thing? People don't not, yeah, that's right. People don't not like you because you're nice.

So throw that out the fucking window. You got other shit wrong with you. Really you just got other shit going on. There's other qualities they don't like. It's not the fact that you're nice. I'm going to use myself as an example. So when I look for a partner, I don't. I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.

I hate all people. But if I was going to look for someone, I want someone that has their own thoughts their own opinions their own life their own personality their own shit to do I don't want someone that is just gonna completely mold to me and agree with everything that I say and Want to do all the shit that I do and be waiting around all day for me to hang out with them and me to talk to them. Like you need to be busy doing your own shit. So let's unpack the respect thing really fast. A big thing that the nice guys do is they allow people to disrespect them and I'm talking in little tiny ways. Like when someone says something you don't like and you just let it go They just big-dicked you so it's like if I'm straight and I like a girl and I'm trying to like pursue her

If she says something that I don't like or she talks about fucking another dude or liking another dude or another dude Being cute in front of me and I just pretend I didn't hear it or I pretend it doesn't bother me She just big-dicked me. She just big dicked me She just took the upper hand from me Someone like me is gonna say I don't want to hear about nobody being cute But me, okay? Like you got to call people out on their fucking shit like if someone is interested in you and you're interested in them And they talk about somebody else that ain't gonna fly you need to draw that line line very quickly. But that's gonna make the other person respect you. When you make people fucking behave, they're gonna respect you. They're gonna like that. People are gonna

test you. People are gonna push you. People are gonna see what they can get away with and what kind of person you are. They need to see if you're someone that they can walk all over or not. And a lot of people will test you subconsciously So if a girl talks about another boy being cute Excuse me my fagger. Oh you sum up me. Yeah, that's what I thought Like check them don't let no shit slide and as soon as you start letting shit slide boom you're unfuckable You're not respectable like that's fucking gross. That's a turnoff that will dry a girl's pussy up Sorry, that's the truth So kind of like how I Sorry, that's the truth.

So kind of like how I just threw that into the conversation, like you set the boundary, but you do it in a funny way. Like you're not supposed to be a fucking asshole every time and like prove your point and set your boundaries and draw these lines in a mean way. You need to do it in like a respectable way where it's like my point got across

But I'm not ruining the entire situation like if you're out somewhere having fun You got to draw a line without ruining the mood of the night like you can do it funny how I just gave the example Like who the fuck you talking about being cute besides me You know what I mean like make it a joke but make it very clear that you don't want to hear about that shit Anything that can be taken disrespectfully to you, don't let it fly. Don't let it slide. That is rule number one for a nice guy is speak to fuck up. Don't let nobody walk all over you because like I said, you're instantly unfuckable. You're gonna be a pity fuck.

You're gonna be someone that I call, late at night when I'm drunk and I'm like, oh, I know they're easy, they're there, they're accessible. I'll call them and fuck them. You're a pity fuck. You're like a last option. You're something like, eh, you're there. Like I guess I'll throw you a bone. Like I have no other option.

You know, that's what you're going to turn into if you let someone walk all over you. You don't want to be that. If you listen to this podcast, you are not going to fucking be that. You're not going to be one of my followers and one of my listeners and one of my friends because whoever listens to this podcast is my fucking friend. Like I start every episode, hi friends, you're not going to be my friend and be behaving like this. Okay. So take your fucking notes from this podcast. So the second part kind of to when I said speak up, like if you're a nice guy, you need to speak up. You need to let people know you have your own thoughts and opinions if you're interested in someone like you're supposed to bring forth your personality it

takes two people to be in a relationship it takes two people to like push and pull and lead and follow like you need to be able to flow with that easily it's not just all about them they're not the only one with thoughts and shit to do and opinions and plans and decisions to make. Like you make decisions too. You have a personality too. You have a life too. You have opinions too.

And people need that. People want that. People don't want someone that's just like a fucking lump on a log that has nothing to say. So the speak up part is speak up literally like if you like something express that you like it. If you have hobbies talk about them. If you have shit to do talk about it. If you want to do certain things then make those decisions and invite the person you're interested in. Like incorporate that person into your

life. Make them feel like you already have a life and you want them to be a part of it. Not that you need them to be a part of it. Not that you're sitting around waiting for them to make you a part of their life. That'll turn the motherfucker off into seconds. And don't just agree with what someone says. Like don't always just agree and be a yes man. Like be open and be honest. When I about Expressing the way you feel in the podcast episode expressing how you feel You need to do that But also with other shit so like you need to express the positive and the good things and also the bad things Because it makes someone feel safe with you if someone only ever hears positive shit coming out of your mouth

Because your air quote the nice guy if you're always just trying to be nice and not hurt their feelings, they're not going to trust you. They're not going to feel safe around you. And whenever you do say something positive, they're going to believe it. Because if someone just tells you you're pretty, you're pretty, you're pretty, you're pretty, you're going to stop believing them when they say it. Their words are gonna hold no weight. But if you walk out for, like, if you see them four days in a row and they're like, okay, you look pretty, you look pretty,

I don't like this outfit. And then the next day you look pretty, they'll learn to trust what you're saying because they know you'll be honest because I don't trust some other fucker that's just a yes man. I don't want you to spare my feelings. I want you to be considerate of my feelings,

but I want you to tell me what I need to hear. If I look like shit, tell me you don't like that outfit. Tell me I can do better. Tell me something constructive, not critical. So that I trust when you give me praise. When you tell me I look good, I'll believe it. And kind of bouncing back really quick to the disrespect thing. I didn't talk about this, but if someone is like testing you and they say something

that they know, like, they wouldn't be cool with, like if they talk about someone else being cute and they know that you like them, if you just let that slide in the back of their mind, they're going to make a note of that because they're going to be like, okay, I just said this and they just let it go. Like, I know it was hurtful. I know that would have hurt their feelings and like, you just hiding it immediately makes you untrustworthy because the person that said it is like, this should have hurt their feelings and they're acting like it didn't. So either it didn't hurt their feelings so they don't like me or it hurt their feelings

but they're hiding it. And hiding your feelings makes people not trust you. It's like you take your arm out and you want to like push them away because they're an unknown now, they're a mystery, they're scary, they're like a ticking time bomb because you just did something to hurt them and they're not letting you know and it's like oh fuck, you're like anticipating their response and when they don't have one you're like oh fuck and they just saw that You just swallowed the way that you felt even though like you would have gotten mad about something But you just pretended you didn't get mad so

Typically with those people they'll let things bother them and it will build up until they explode So like the nice guys are usually only air-quote nice guys until you piss them off or until you step on them one too many times. Because they hide the way that they feel, they pretend like they're not bothered by it. But if you say it four or five times like mentioning another guy, on the fifth time they're gonna pop and cuss you the fuck out. But like I said in the other episode, you have to express the way that you feel or you're a fucking asshole when you explode. But the nice guys do that. So, straight girls already have this idea of like, this guy is only being nice to me because he

thinks he has a chance to fuck me. But as soon as I turn him down, he's gonna call me a whore, or he's gonna call me ugly. Like they're anticipating a negative response already. So they're already standoffish, but I'm talking about that dynamic. And most of the times if someone assumes you just wanna fuck them, they're gonna be hesitant to even engage with you because they know what your motive is and they know how people are like blowing smoke up your ass,

nice to you one minute and then as soon as you reject them, they attack you because they can't have you. Like, it's just so much going on in the brain. And I told you guys, there's a lot to unpack with this, but I'm trying to make it make sense. But when you just let something go that it's obvious that should have hurt your feelings. If it did hurt your feelings and you don't speak about it, you're immediately like pushed away because they don't trust you now. Like why the fuck did you not speak up?

What are you planning? What are you doing? Why are you bodily and enough? What's about to happen? You know, and then someone will probably subconsciously like keep testing you to see if you will pop. They wanna see like when are you gonna speak if you will pop. They want to see like, when are you going to speak up? What is your breaking point where you can only hold in so much?

Because people that hold shit in, I don't like to be around them. I want you to be honest with me and tell me what's going on. Because I don't want to have to deal with walking in the door one day and all of a sudden, you just pop and freak the fuck out because something set you off. Because you've been holding in certain things

I've done and said for the past few months. You know, like the anticipation of a negative reaction will make someone want to push you away. So if they think they're gonna get that, they're gonna push you away. And that's what allowing someone to disrespect you will do. It will make the other person scared.

Okay, so the next layer of this that kind of stacks is you need someone that cares about how they feel. And typically, nice guys don't care about the way that they feel. They care about everybody else's feelings. And they want to make sure everybody else is happy. They want to make sure they don't hurt anybody like nice guys, I see you. I see your intentions are good. I was a nice guy one time. I had to make sure they don't hurt anybody like nice guys. I see you. I see your intentions are good. I Was a nice guy one time. I had to learn all this in sixth grade this girl fucking like broke my heart and I've been yelling fuck these bitches ever since and then I gained some self-awareness and out here I am but I Get it. I you have like pure intentions. You just want them to like you. You probably had a childhood where you were taught to disregard the way you felt so that

your parents loved you and accepted you. You had to prioritize the way that they felt over you. I get it. But I'm telling you now the reason this is off-putting. So when you have a partner or someone you're interested in, you need to care about the way that you feel. Because if you don't care how you feel, then you're going to make me responsible for it. And that puts me in a position to have to like care, take you like a fucking baby. I also need you to care about what you have going on.

I need you to care about your hobbies and your life and the shit that you like and what you have. Like your own life is important and I want you to care about that. I want you to prioritize your goals, your boundaries, your feelings. I need you to care about yourself in order for me to feel safe to care about you. If you're willing to just throw away everything of yours to make sure that I'm happy, you're going to resent me for it. You're going to make me responsible for the way that you feel and I'm going to have to like consider you way too much if you're not considering yourself. Like you can't just throw all that

on to me if you're going to date me. So let me give you a couple examples. Let's say you have this thing that you're working on and you're supposed to go work on it at a certain time and me and you wanna hang out with me. And like I message you or whatever the fuck, like we're supposed to hang out, but you have something that you wanna do. If you just throw it away and then come hang out with me, that's not hot.

I need someone to prioritize what they want. So I would rather someone say, look, I really want to see you, but I want to get this done. Or I already committed to plans or I have this thing to do. Like I need to be working on this. But I really want to see you. Let's reschedule. I want you to reject me and not always be available. That's a whole other topic, but it's a good example. I want you to not always be available. I want you to reject me while also reassuring me that you like me, because if you're just like, no, I have to go do this. I'm gonna think you don't like me. But if you say it how I said it, like, look, I want to see you, but I have this thing I

need to go do or this thing I want to, I'm really excited to work about on this thing can we hang out another day? Well something like that reassure me you motherfucking like me alright you always need to reassure me you like me okay Leo it's not about you like I want you to fucking wake up reassure me every breath you take reassure me I'm mother Leo I like you I like you I like you I still like you I still like you. I still like you. I still like you. I still care about you. Like, I need it non-stop, but we ain't gonna talk about me. We, like, that's... I'm a special case. Like, don't even try to unlock my file, bitch. Like, you can not... I'm unworkable. Like, I said in the beginning of this, I will be single for the rest of my life. I'm undatable. Like, I have too much...

It makes me sad. It really does. Like, I'm notatable. Like I have too much, it makes me sad. It really does. Like I'm not gonna open up. No, we're not gonna do that. We're not gonna get vulnerable. Leo's not gonna date ever again, okay? He's too fucked up in his own little way. And no, back to you.

If you have something that you really wanna work on, but you're like the nice guy and you're like, you have an internal conflict of like I I really want to go work on this thing, but I really want to go see this person. They're finally giving me a chance to go see them. You need to prioritize yourself. It's going to be so hot to the other person. I promise.

I promise. But if this person knows that you really want to work on this thing and they know that you skip doing that to go hang out with them. They're going to be like, Oh, fuck, you know, because they want to feel comfortable. Like you're going to prioritize your own happiness and what you want to do because they don't want to have to do it. So it's like, if I invite you, Hey, let's hang out. And you have the thing that I know you want to work on. If I know you actually want to work on it, you'll tell me, look Leo, I want to hang out,

but I really just want to work on this. But if you don't do that, you're like, oh, I'll work on it later and I'll just come see you. Like, if you're going to come see me, I'll like it the first time. And then after it happens a couple of times, I'll be like, wait, like you're neglecting doing the thing that you want to do to come see me.

I'm instantly going to like push you away, like the come see me. I'm instantly gonna like push you away Like the push away thing. I'm gonna stick my fucking arm out. I don't like that I need to I need to know that you're prioritizing yourself your happiness and what you want to do because that puts me in the position of like Okay, I know you want to go work on this thing. I asked you to come in out with me But now I have to be hyper considerate and be like, no, I'm not gonna invite you or I'm gonna tell you to go do that thing. And I'm just gonna stop inviting you to shit to hang out with me because I don't want you to sacrifice what you're doing to come see me. You know, I want to make sure that you're taking care of yourself so I don't have to take

care of you. Does that make sense? I really, really hope this is clicking because it makes sense to my brain. A lot of things do, but when I speak to them, they just don't fucking work. But the same thing with feelings. It goes the exact same way. If I keep doing something that bothers you, I want you to fucking tell me.

I want you to nicely acknowledge it, bring it up, not everything has to be a fight. You can have altercation, confrontation fight you can have altercation confrontation you can have conflict and not have it be aggressive and mean and attacking each other you can have a fucking conversation it takes a certain person to be able to do that it takes a certain level of maturity to do that but it's possible the way you feel is not annoying the way you feel is not going to cause a fight I promise like with the right people and people that are understanding and people that get it,

the way you feel will never be a fight. And it is not going to make you unattractive. It's not going to make someone not want you. You having feelings or being upset by something is not going to make someone not want to be with you or like you anymore. It's not unattractive when you find the right fucking person But I cannot emphasize enough

How important it is for you to prioritize and care about your own feelings Care about the way that you mother fucking feel and make people around you feel comfortable That if you are uncomfortable you're to speak up and you're going to do something to change it because I'm going to feel like an asshole. If you're uncomfortable and I don't know and then I find out you're uncomfortable and I'm like, oh my God, like I would have done so many things different. Like I said in the Express in your feelings episode, you need to express the way you fucking feel to give me the chance to accommodate you, but I also need to be able to trust

you that you're not just gonna suffer for me. I don't want you to be uncomfortable and just suck that up just to be around me or be near me or be with me. I want you to speak up because I don't want you to suffer and I don't want you to suffer for me because I'm gonna feel guilt no matter what you do. Like if I find out that you were just suffering for me, I'm gonna fucking feel bad. That's how I am. And that's how a lot of people are receiving you if you're a nice guy that is doing this shit. I don't want you to be upset, I don't want you to be uncomfortable.

I need to trust that you don't want yourself to be uncomfortable either, that you will speak up and that you care about how you feel and that you'll make a situation better for yourself with me. You know what I mean? Like we can work through this. We can work on it. But I need to trust that you can own yourself, that you can take care of yourself

because if you can't do that, how the fuck are you going to be able to take me into consideration? You're not even taking yourself into consideration. That's a huge red flag, but people don't know how to break that down in their brain. How I just put it into words. People just feel all these things and don't understand why they're pushing you away. But they are and that's it.

That's fucking it. So someone might not be able to communicate to you why they don't like you. You just make them feel all these things and pressure. Oh my God, like it's the nastyest fucking feeling and I'm like, if you could see my body right now, I'm like a fucking flamingo. Like one leg is up, my hands are perched out, like chicken hands, like I'm like you, like, like get back up.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Mitch, I was really just standing like a fucking flamingo. One foot up. So you being able to care-take yourself in this way and prioritize your feelings, your

happiness and trusting that you will take care of yourself and like not make yourself suffer for me. That's huge because imagine you don't do that. The pressure it's going to put on me to have to take care of you. Like I said, like a toddler, I'm going to feel like I now have to consider myself, my own life and then take care of you. Like I said, like a toddler, I'm gonna feel like I now have to consider myself my own life and then take care of you. That's why so many women wear the pants and relationships with men because men don't know how to fucking do this. Like if a girl wanted me, all she would want is for me to be so strong in my sense of self and prioritized myself so much so that she could choose to do it

if she wanted to she could choose to add on to it she could choose to do things to help me and make me feel better but she doesn't feel like she has to it's not like she has to look out for me and her like she wants someone that will like own theirself and stand next to her that's it and that's really for anyone in a relationship. That's gonna be a healthy relationship. I'm talking for healthy shit. If you don't do any of this, that's toxic, not toxic, but your slippery slope, bitch. Slippery slope. And the people that don't want this, it's not a healthy relationship. In my opinion, I'm not a fucking psychologist, but a goddamn should be. I just don't want to go to school. I just have to throw in in my opinion, I'm not a fucking psychologist, but a goddamn should be. I just don't want to go to school.

I just have to throw in in my opinion on something so everybody gets off my dick and doesn't try to attack me. Because y'all motherfuckers are so opinionated just like me, but y'all be wrong. Oh fuck. Okay, someone messaged me about my laughs in my podcast and y'all I pissed myself laughing all the time and I edited it out like I edit out my laughing because I'm like no one wants to hear that like shut up and just get to the point but this girl was like oh my god I love it when you laugh and she said please don't edit out your laughs so like I've been leaving them in this episode girl I fucking die I piss myself recording this podcast. It is so much fun for me But tell me if you think I should leave the laughs in or cut them out because they make me nervous

So at a little point I have to go along with The whole have your own life thing and prioritize yourself in your own feelings and shit What's attractive to me is seeing someone with their own life and their own shit. Like I like somebody that's busy, but for them to add me into it, to prioritize seeing me and hanging out with me because that reassures me that they care. Yes, they're busy. Yes, they're going to make sure that they get what they want, but they are going to find a way to add me into that and add me into their life That is so fucking hot that will have a girl's pussy fucking soaked and that has my dick hard when someone does that

Oh my god, it will make someone insecure like it makes me insecure Because I need the constant I'm not the type to have a healthy relationship, but I'm the type to teach about it. Coaches don't play bitch. All right, I can teach you everything you need to know about having a healthy relationship, but am I ever gonna be in one? No, I don't operate like that.

But someone to add, like to add me into their life, that's so fucking hot, but I wouldn't need constant reassurance, but like I said at the end about me. This applies to everybody, like you will become an object of desire if you have your own shit going on Like if someone can walk up to you and walk away from you and You're gonna be the same regardless and still have your own shit going on That is so fucking hot when you're not needed. When you are wanted, that is so safe for people. And there's this thing called enmeshment trauma. And I really want you

to look it up if you consider yourself a nice guy. It's going to teach you a lot about the way that you are. And there's going to be some things that you can probably look up to like work through it and some of those tendencies and you'll learn some behaviors you adopted as a kid to keep yourself safe. They're not biting you in the fucking ass that I have mentioned in this podcast. So like I said, being prioritized and being wanted makes someone feel safe. If someone feels needed, it's gonna make them anxious as fuck. Like literally, if I think that you can't function without me, and that your life is gonna like deteriorate, if I'm not in it, and I'm not like tending to you, and I'm not with you,

I don't like that. I don't fucking like that at all. So that's another reason I'll push a fucking nice guy away. Get the fuck from from me I don't want no fucking text if I want to leave you of I really do myself shut the fuck up do not I need to calm down because this is a very sensitive topic, but do not ever Fucking sin nobody that text friend if you're listening to this podcast you're my friend and friends don't let friends look stupid Don't you ever fucking text somebody if you leave me. I'm gonna kill myself Let them fucking leave You're not fucking going nowhere call me Bitch you ain't killing yourself over no fucking body and you are not dropping your ego like that to tell somebody

If you fucking leave me or you break up with me I'm gonna kill myself. No, that is you like getting on your fucking knees and like Taking away any any sense of self any ego you have like I'm a tight friend that will snatch you to fuck up and make you stand up Like you're not gonna do that. You're gonna have dignity You're gonna walk the motherfucker way and you're gonna be just fine. Oh That makes me so fucking mad. I understand that feeling personally. You have me to relate to. But in your fucking moment of high emotional feelings of whatever it is, do not ever fucking do that. Ever. Don't ever send nobody a video you crying, neither. I called that out on the red flags, but don't you dare? Don't you have some ego have some fucking dignity, alright? Don't you ever fucking belittle yourself like that to make someone like no No, there's other ways to manipulate and I will teach you them. There's other ways to hurt people. I will teach you them

I just had some water. I had a fucking breather. I need to go have a cigarette because that one just made me mad. Okay, but my point with the whole feel wanted and prioritized, not needed. That's a pressure that people will avoid like hell and people with enmeshment trauma. So I talked about that. That's going to be the nice guys, but nice guys that's also gonna push you away. Like nice guys, you're chasing people that don't want you because that feels safe. There's someone that doesn't need you.

But if it flipped and they all of a sudden needed you, you would run the fuck away. You would think it was fun in the moment. You'd be like, oh my god, I finally got what I wanted. Yay. And then you would run like hell because you've already had the enmeshment trauma. It's going to trigger your fucking shit that you didn't deal with. And girl, I'm telling you, you're going to freak out. You're going to freak the fuck out. Like it's all fun and games when you're chasing them. But as soon as they start chasing you, you're over it. You're done. Because they're about to lose theirself in you. And that's when in measurement trauma is it's like you lose

yourself in the other person. And no, that's a little piece of awareness for you guys to learn about yourself. The nice guys is you think you want it, but you're just as repelled by it as you're enticed by it. It's a hard thing to explain. So please look it up. Like please just look it up and it will all make more sense. Because someone with a measurement trauma does not want to be needed.

I'm someone that I do not want someone that needs me. I do not want someone that can't function without me. I don't want to be responsible for the way that someone feels and making sure that they're doing what they like. I don't want you sacrifice and shit for me. Sacrifice is not love. Sacrifice is not showing that you care. Prioritizing the way that you mother fucking feel is how you show somebody you care.

Because you're providing a sense of safety to them. Safety to be with you. Safety to be around you. And safety to love you. It sounds so backwards. I know we're all taught so backwards from that, but the most loving thing you can do for others is love yourself. And I'll do a whole podcast on self love because y'all are not ready for that. Oh my god. Like the internet might burn down.

I'm dead ass. Like the shit that I have to fucking say about self love. Y'all are not gonna know what to do. Maybe I write a book. I'm gonna write a book. Bitch please. I ain't writing on God damn book. This podcast is my book. I'm too like vocal to be writing a damn book. I'd much rather talk it out and fucking giggle and chuckle with you guys. I say you guys like you're here bitch. I feel like I talk it out and fucking giggle and chuckle with you guys. I say you guys like you're here, bitch I feel like I'm hanging out with my friend every time I record this podcast. I feel like we're just like hanging out Oh, I do want to go back and touch on the whole Being available thing if you just have your own shit going on. You're gonna be less available like

You're they're gonna feel prioritized so Anytime that someone wants to hang out with you that you're interested in Let them know that you're not just sitting around waiting for them like make some shit up bitch Even if you have to make it up just make it up don't make it seem like you're just sitting on your ass waiting for them to text you Ask you to hang out like no don't do that Okay, so more love a story is people do not like assholes. People are not attracted to assholes. Like I said in the beginning, people don't not like you because you're nice.

People don't like assholes, but I'd rather have someone that's an asshole than someone that is an air-quote nice guy because I feel safer with an asshole because the asshole is going to speak the fuck up. Like y'all, they might be a little bit mean Yeah, they might be dismissive, but I don't have to deal with the guilt of Them not being taken care of because an asshole is gonna make sure that they're good So I'd rather be getting cussed the fuck out and all I have to worry about is myself then deal with Trying to baby somebody and make sure that they're taken care of and myself. You know what I mean?

There's so much more to that, but No one likes anyone passive. That's another thing. Don't be fucking passive. Don't do not be walked over Like don't oh my god. I don't know how to explain it like if you get it you get it If you fucking get it you get it if you don't get it good luck. Oh Another good point. I just thought of The spotlight does not always need to be on them. It's not always about them. It's not all about them and making them happy and making them a center of attention. Like people do not like to be the center of attention for too long. You need it passed back and forth. If you leave sunlight on something too long, it will burn it. You need to have periods where it comes off. So the spotlight basically needs to like rotate back and forth

between you two. It needs to be about me. That needs to be about you. It doesn't need to just always be about you. That gets boring. That gets fucking boring. And people don't like that pressure. Like if it's always, if the ball is always in my court, god damn, I'm annoyed. I don't want to fucking be having to start every single game, bitch. Like you do something. Push and pull. Give and get.

Like you do something. Pick up some slack hoe. Don't always be looking at me to entertain you and to carry the conversations and to decide where we're going to go eat and decide what we're going to do and decide what we're gonna do and decide when we're gonna Hang out like mother fucker take some control take some god damn initiative take some god damn control Okay, get the spotlight off me. It's burning me But people don't enjoy that people don't enjoy constant attention

Trust me. They might seem like they do but nobody enjoys it, even celebrities that have the fucking spotlight on them all the time. It gets exhausting. They're tired of it. They're sick of it. Nobody wants that pressure because having the attention beyond you is pressure. Another pointer is do not act like they are blessing you every time they want to see you talk to you or hang out with you. Like, you every time they want to see you talk to you or hang out with you like you're sitting around waiting for their text no I'm someone worthy of texting too you think I'm gonna be sitting around waiting for someone to text me yeah if I like you but you're also getting the chance to talk to a really cool mother fucker too so if I'm texting you you're excited about texting me and that's something I forget a lot or used to. And I've had to

kind of grow into that is to realize this person is getting a chance to be with someone cool too. It's not just about them. They're not the only one with value to contribute and like shit to offer. I am too. You have to see what they're getting out of you also. And realize and reassure yourself that it's fucking good. Like if they like you, yeah, why would they not? Don't be cocky, but acknowledge and see where you add value and what value you do have. Honestly, I don't even need to say don't be cocky because nice guys are not cocky. They're the most insecure bunch. So for me to try and kick it up and like tell you to tell yourself, why would they not like me? That's going to blow your head up just to the right amount.

Okay? So you need that. Like why would they not wanna text me? Why would they not wanna hang out with me? Don't act shocked. Oh my god, like, oh my god, they wanna hang out? They wanna hang out?

No, bitch. Yeah, yay, cool, let's hang out. I'm excited to see you. But don't act like they're like blessing you and they're a God's little gift to earth. Like, and if you are gonna act like that, doing your own fucking head. Okay, don't let like they're like blessing you and they're a God's little gift to earth like and if you are gonna act like that doing your own fucking head Okay, don't let them know that don't let them know that you're like Oh

My god like you're what is it called like a pigeon like you're a pigeon like waiting for them to throw you some bread crumbs like Oh, no, you're not gonna behave like that. You're not gonna be like that do not set up that dynamic because once you feed a pigeon The pigeon can never flip around and be the one feeding me. Like once a pigeon, always a pigeon. Like you're the one being fed. You want to be the one that feeds. Okay. That's how this goes.

But like once you're in the role of the pigeon, you can't flip it. So like once they get the upper hand, you're fucked. So it'll be a pigeon. I don't know where this analogy just came from, but it works. Oh, when you're texting them, don't always just let them leave you on red. Like don't feel like you need to keep shit going. Leave them on red. I don't have my River Seats on it.

That's petty. But, like, don't be the one to always be like the last word. Let them sometimes be the last one to talk or the last one to say some shit. Like you don't need to always like every time like don't be the fucking pigeon. Like every time you're there they might throw you a like a piece of bread. You're like standing there ready to get it. Like no don't fucking get up and get ready to get it. Like don't. Don't fucking do that. If you don't want to get the breadcrown like just fucking look at them. Okay. Like if you throw it, I'll see if I really get in it. Don't always be the one, responding to their shit. Like you're so excited to talk to them and I get it. And listen

to episode two of this fucking podcast, okay? But when you're the one that's like, oh my god, I'm so glad that it texts me, I want to keep talking. You have to know when to cut the conversation because if you just keep going for nonsense, like bullshit, they're gonna, like they might just be responding to be nice, but like don't let them pity text you. Like if the conversation is not holding anything of substance, let it die. Don't respond, you know?

If you have something fucking important to say later, text them again. But if something is just like stupid and meaningless, you're not really interested in it let it die I know that you're like idolizing them and you're excited about them and you like them But picture having this conversation with your best friend if it's a meaningless bullshit and you wouldn't respond to your best friend Don't respond to this person your interests sit in like if it's just stupid fucking shit Stop responding like make them know like come to me with something good to say or like no of his person you're interested in. Like if it's just stupid fucking shit, stop responding. Like make them know, like come to me with something good to say

or like, no, you know, like I enjoy talking to you, like all right, I'm busy, I'm gonna get back to Yadda, like talk to you later. Like cut the shit, cut it off or just don't respond. Like cut the conversation if it's pointless bullshit, you know, like don't waste my fucking time. Come to me with some substance or get lost. One of the biggest power plays you can do

from going from a simp to a goddamn pimp, I don't know what to call it, but like to flip out of the simp position. Okay, so if someone has you like kind of in their back pocket and you've been like very attentive and you've been like there to like talk every time they wanted to and you've kinda been like the pigeon waiting for the food. One way that you can flip it is to yank their safety blanket out from under them.

Start being inconsistent. So if they're always able to text you and you always respond, stop responding. Stop being so consistent all the time. Like start having other shit to do. Stop watching their stories. Stop being up consistent all the time, like start having other shit to do. Stop watching their stories, stop being up there fucking ass. Like if you've consistently given someone attention and you've given it, given it, given it, nothing is going to change if you keep giving them more. If you give someone more of what they already don't appreciate, it's not going to make

them appreciate it. So stop. If you've been up there ass, giving them so much attention and then they're used to that They have a safety blanket kind of so snatch it from them start being inconsistent stop being at their back and call Take away their safety blanket because as soon as they realize oh shit like this person is not simping for me anymore They're gonna start doing things to try and get your attention again because they didn't realize that they liked getting your attention until it got taken from them. So or it was like less often and less consistent like they're gonna want that

consistency back but that kind of goes into the intermittent reinforcement addiction pattern that I warned you guys about in episode two. So if you're gonna do that be fucking careful because you can get someone addicted to you and they will be feigning for your attention. And if you don't give it to them, they will key your car and show up at your fucking house. So, like I said, be careful. But that's the best power play you can do.

But don't make it look intentional, don't make it look like it's petty. Like stop swiping up on their stories, stop eating their fucking ass, stop always complimenting them. Like stop. If you've been in the simplest position, this is how to get out of it. This is your only chance to get out of it. It's to completely like withdraw all the attention you were giving them. That was unprovoked. Like if they text you, okay, text back.

But like I said, if the conversation is boring, pull it, kill it, let it die. But stop doing all the unprovoked shit. Stop sweeping up on their stories, stop telling them they're pretty, stop commenting on their shit, stop liking their shit. You get what I mean. Okay. So pull back anything that's like unprovoked or like not them reaching out first.

And if they do start reaching out, there's your shoe in. There's your fucking signal that they just realized, oh my god, this person stopped responding or like Whatever, they probably looked you up and they wondered what you were up to. Look busy bitch. Start posting shit. Start doing other shit Like look busy and then when they text you, that's your reminder. That's like your acknowledgement that Yo, they like they're looking for me now because you took the attention away. So if they don't ever message you, girl, just go ahead and move on. But if they do message you, that is them showing they're looking for you. They like the attention and they're wondering where it went.

So be very careful when you start giving it to them again. Be like standoffish, act unimpressed. This is really, really bad fucking advice because this is not going to lead to anything again. Be like standoffish, act unimpressed. Like this is really really bad fucking advice because this is not gonna lead to anything healthy. This is like some toxic petty play a game shit. I'm really good at this. Like I'm really really good at playing games. That's what I don't like to play then. It's like a chess master gets bored of chess, okay? Like girl, I know so much about psychology and the human brain and how to toy with people. I'm bored. Like I don't like to do it.

And then like I get my own feelings caught up in it and grubby freaking the fuck out. But yeah, this is not really like the best advice for something healthy, but it could be, it could go either way. So I'm not gonna like shoot my advice down. It's good fucking advice, but I'm just saying, is it gonna lead to something healthy? I don't know, but if you are in a sent position and you want someone to like recognize you, gain a sense of self, that's the answer.

Stop being at their back and call. Stop being the pigeon looking for food, okay? Go find food somewhere else. There's plenty of people throwing it. There's plenty of people throwing fucking bread. All right, I think that's enough for this episode. If this was helpful, please message me about it. I really want feedback,

and I wanna know if this was helpful or not. And if you did like it, like if you liked it a whole bunch, leave this podcast the five star rating. That would make me very happy. Thank you so much. If you do wanna like get to know yourself better and do some self-discovery shit, I have an app for it. It's called positive focus. It's positive notifications to your phone and like positive quotes you can scroll through

when you have in a bad day or you just want a new perspective on something. And then there's journal prompts where you can go in and fully like going on a topic and start questioning yourself and learning about yourself and why you do things It's like a kick in the ass for awareness about whatever topic is listed that you need help with so If you want to discover yourself and you want to like get deeper with shit Go check that out. Let me know if you like that if you do get it and you like it leave the apifibestog rating That wouldn't make me fucking bust a night. Okay. But yeah, I will leave the link to everything in the description of this my Instagram, the app, everything you need will be in

the description of this podcast. Um, I hope you liked it. I hope you learned something. Remember, I love you, we're friends, we're besties for the resty, everything I said in this was to help you not hurt you. Okay, I promise. Sunday services over. Thank you for coming. I will talk to you next week.