Aware & Aggravated - 15. How To Actually Feel Lovable

Episode Date: February 20, 2022

5:55 I start talking about feeling lovable. A little recap of my recent trips to Texas and Nashville and an explanation of the 3 realizations I had while I was on them. Lots of valuable lessons in this episode! I also reveal what I'm dealing with trying to monetize my social media and the struggles of that.Watch the Podcast on YouTube!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgs8c2Z_97gA_1TkJos18w/videosBook a 1-on-1 call with me 👇🏻https://leoskepicoaching.com/client-applicationSupport the podcast with a donation : https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/46556b98-73da-47be-a3bd-a5646af9f8c5Instagram: @theleoskepiPodcast Instagram: @awareandaggravated TikTok accounts: @LeoSkepi@NotLeoForLegalReasons My app Positive Focus:Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp 

Hi friends, I'm back. Pastor Leo had to take a little trip. I took two trips actually. I went to Texas to go see my family, and then I went to Tennessee. I took my sale to fucking HIK-AS-TINY-SEY-YAL, and it was shit. Okay, Nashville, don't go.

Nashville's not fun. It's not the fucking vibe, but Texas bitch. College station, I want to go see my family. It's always a blast. It's always so not fun. It's not the fucking vibe, but Texas bitch. College station, I want to go see my family. It's always a blast. It's always so much fun. I had the best time, but American Airlines dicked me the fuck around, and that's why I couldn't put out a podcast episode because they kept canceling and changing my flights. So the day I was supposed to come home and record a podcast and then edit it and upload it to

schedule it American Airlines canceled my fucking flight. So I lost that whole day at home Between my next trip like I literally got home and went to the next trip I didn't even get a chance to fucking play with my dick. I didn't even get a chance to fiddle my ditto I didn't have time to fucking breathe barely So I'm sorry. I had no podcast episode American Airlines can suck a fat one because they hurt my feelings once too many fucking times what my flight changes like Y'all pissed me the fuck off and I tried to call and like bitch at them and

They hung up on me So bitch is getting me the finger right the fuck back. So I'm done flying with American American fuck you I will never flying with American. American fuck you. I will never fly with you again. So whatever. My Texas trip was a blast, but the flights were fucked. And then we went to Nashville. Bro, we went for two concerts.

Me and my friends, we went for L.S. Dream and Hippie Sabotage and Bitch. Those two concerts were so good. I was expecting it to be like mediocre, to be like not that fun. I was more just going to be with my friends and hang out with them. I wasn't really going for the concerts because I don't know much of LS Dream's music. I don't know much of Hibisabotage's new music. I know some of the old shit, but I did not think it was going to be fine. It was fine. It was very much fun. I did not think it was gonna be fine. It was fine. It was very much fun.

Like the concerts were so much better than I could have imagined 10 out of 10. But then going out in Nashville, like we like went so we could stay the weekend and then go out because everybody hips up. Nashville is like a party town. So I'm like, yeah, let's go the fuck out. Let's go Jersey Shore this hope. No, that's not the vibe of Nashville. Nashville is not the vibe. It's

fucking ghetto. My friend's car got broken into at our Airbnb. We stayed at a nice Airbnb, but Nashville is just fucking ghetto is shit. Like, I don't know why people hype it up. I didn't like it. It's too honky-tongue at the bars. Like, let me set the scene for you. So when you go to the bars on Broadway Every every bar is like five floors and there's a thousand fucking flights of stairs and I wish I was being dramatic Girl you will be huffing and puffing like you're on the fucking stairmaster when you try to go to the bar It's not fun. You're gonna sober up in the stairwell You're not even gonna be fucked up anymore. You're gonna breathe out your alcohol. You're gonna go in debt

Try to get drunk again like oh anyway The first couple floors of all the bars is like Honky Tong, Yeehaw shit, which is expected. It's Nashville. But no one is having fun. They're just standing around with a beer in their hand, fucking just being hicks.

Like they just stand around. So I'm like, no, we go to the top floor because most of the bars have a rooftop. And bitch, it's like EDM house music. And me and my friend group, when we got up there, we were like, finally, we can fucking live a little. We get to fucking dance in, my friend gets on the table, we're having a fucking blast, and then I realize,

we only was dancing. Like, there's a ton of people on the rooftop bar, but it's the type people that are just there to look hot. Like, they just wanna look cute. They're not dancing, they're not having fun, they're just standing there with their fucking drink, like a dick, just like bopping their heads in the music. And like, we're fucking throwing down. We're like sweating, we're having a fucking blast. Like, when you see the cast of Jersey Shore go out on the TV show, that's how we behave when we go out.

I like to get ugly. That's how I was raised. I was on the TV show. That's how we behave when we go out. I like to get ugly. That's how I was raised. I was raised watching that show. So that is my expectation for going to the club. It's gonna be a good fucking time every time. And that is very much not the vibe of Nashville. Like everybody on the rooftop, the music is really good. But the people are not faint.

So they just be watching you. They just watch you dance like a fool. And I don't like that. And it wasn't just like we tried one bar. We tried multiple, but she just not the vibe. She not fun. I don't like Nashville. I met a couple of my followers from TikTok

and I asked them because they were locals. I asked them where like the good bars. And they told us a few that weren't on Broadway because we did not like Broadway. The little ship of bars, it's shit. No, too touristy, not the vibe, honky-tongue, not for me. And like people passed out on the side of the fucking road because they're too drunk, like please.

So we go to the local bars. We try the other ones that my followers told me about, and they were a little more fun. Like I'm gonna be honest, they were a little more fun, but they still were just like not doing it for me. I did get on the shriper pole and climb up to the top and then slide down like them strippers do, but it just wasn't fine. Like the vibe was just not there.

I did have fun the second night we went out, but I would just pass on Nashville. If anyone tries to get you to go, bam, don't, don't go for the nightlife, don't go thinking it's fun, go for the nature and shit. Go play with a cow, go fucking hike, I don't know, don't go to go out because it's not fun. If you like me, that means you party like me. You're not gonna like it, babe, we want him the same. Okay, let me save you some money, don't go. The only thing that saved my trip was I liked the people I was with. So if you do go, take people you like because I had fun with my friends. I enjoyed being around

my little group and that was that because everything else was fucking moth. Okay, so my trips were fun and cutesy, but I need to tell you my realization I had. And the realization like hasn't stopped happening Since it started in Texas and I'm gonna make sense of it just hold on But anyone that listens to this podcast bro like this is What you need to pay attention to and this is something that's gonna help every single person It's made me cry too many times. I'm sick of it. Yo, I don't cry a lot. I joke about crying a lot But this one has like made me cry a couple of few times, maybe, possibly.

So my first realization, a way that I've started to see things about me that are lovable and why people would love them. Basically that I'm worth being loved. And I'm going to give you a few examples of this. I'm going to have to go all the way around the bush, but I'm going being loved and I'm gonna give you a few examples of this I'm gonna have to go all reel around the bush, but I'm gonna bring it back So when I was in Texas my cousin Anisa is dating this boy like Keke. I don't know what they're doing I don't know if they're a thing or they're dating or not dating but they boot up Okay, she's like boot up with this boy name Christian and it was my first time meeting Christian and we had a blast together like we

my first time meeting Christian. And we had a blast together. Like we got along so fucking well. I've never really like gotten along with someone instantly, like a guy. I don't get along with guys usually, but like me and him instantly just clicked. We was like friends as fuck. Like we was very much bros.

Like I felt like he was like a brother to me because of how he treated me. So when we would go to the bar, he was so conscious of me. Like the way that I am to other people, he would wait for me. Like if I was in the bathroom, he would wait for me before he went back to everybody else. If I was going somewhere, he would check on me. He would like be checking on me just to make sure I'm doing okay. He would never leave me alone. He would never like wander off like he would always just make sure I was considered and with everyone and I haven't really

Had that before like people do that to me Occasionally, but I'm always the one that's like looking out for everybody else I'm always like the protector of the garter the fucking you know, but for him to do it to me, bro like it was so fucking just like eye opening and we got into a couple of like tiffies, not really tiffies, but like, anytime that there was a potential problem going on, he was right there, like, had my fucking back.

I felt protected, like, that's weird for me because I'm the one that protects everybody usually. Like, I'm always the protector, but he just had my fucking back. And like he was, he cared about me. He like worried about me. He wanted to make sure I wasn't left alone. Like when we would go walking in somewhere,

it's like I usually hold the door for everybody. And they walk in, but he would hold the door and make sure I got in. Like there was just so many little things he would do that made me feel so cared about and like considered. would hold the door and make sure I got in. Like there was just so many little things he would do that made me feel so cared about and like considered and I felt important and it felt so fucking nice and I haven't like experienced that before,

to that extent. Like there's people in my life that do these things for me but like my first time meeting someone and he was just, he was everything that I do to other people and it shocked the shit out of me because I realized the way that Christian made me feel is the way that I make other people feel. And I started bawling my fucking eyes out when I realized this because I was like, bro, it's like I met a little version of myself and it's like I got to see myself and experience myself for the first time.

And like I can't explain to you how good it felt to like see myself. I don't know how to explain this y'all. I'm just gonna have to like go off the fucking seat of my pants, but I got to feel how I make other people feel and It was so nice and it just made me so happy Because if I make people feel the way that he made me feel like I see that I'm so much more important than I thought I'm so much more valuable than I thought I'm so much more like lovable than I thought, but I saw myself for the first time. It was just through him. And that was the realization.

I can finally see the things about me that are lovable and I could see why someone would love me. And it's because the way that I make them feel, like that's totally worth loving. Cause like Christian, the way that I feel toward him to imagine someone feeling that way towards me and like seeing the reason that they could feel that way towards me, there's no denying it. Like I can't keep telling myself that I'm unlovable and I'm fucked up and I'm all this and that and like why would someone love me

when I can feel it. So paying attention to this is like completely changing everything for me and it's changing the way that I see myself and the way I feel about myself because now I feel valuable. Now I see how people are attached to me. Now I can see the value that I contribute to people out of just being who I am and the way that I make others feel around me. This is like some next level fucking shit. Like I said, the realization kept going. That was in Texas. And then in Nashville, I was with my friend Kat, like she was one of the people that was with the group of mine.

And when our other friends Kar got broken into, it was like three in the morning. And we go bustin' down the fucking stairs, like running outside, I go grab a knife, and I'm ready to gut this motherfucker. Like I'm running out the front door, and Kat was right there next to me. Like she came running right out the fucking door with me.

Like I was in my underwear, yo, it's like 3.30 in the morning, it's freezing fucking cold and Nashville, Taney Tee, and I come running the fuck out the fucking door with me. Like I was in my underwear. Yo, it's like 3.30 in the morning. It's freezing fucking cold in Nashville, Taney T. And I come running the fuck out the house. And Kat is right next to me. And I can't describe to you how good it felt to have someone like be by my side like that. Like I just met Kat a few months ago.

And like this bitch was ready to fucking go with me at any second. Like bitch had my back. Like we were both kind of like, what the fuck is going on? Like she was scared and I was a little like panicked, but I'm used to that. I am able to handle shit like this. Like that's kind of like my forte. It's like when something goes down Leo handles it. But I still get scared too. And I know she was scared, but to have her run out next to me and be by my side during that,

I can't explain to you how good that fucking felt. Like her being there for me, and we didn't know what the fuck we were running into, but she was there with me to go through it. And it's different when it's a friend because I have my family. Like my family is the same as me. We will all run the fuck out in the middle of anything with each other. We got each other's back.

But like in that moment, like had my fucking back like my family does and I have my friend Genevieve and Summer another same way. Like those two bitches are fucking crazy and my family in Houston. Like that's an established like we all just know that. Like we all bitches are fucking crazy and my family in Houston, like that's an established, like we all just know that. Like we all just got each other like that, but yo, like cat surprised the fuck out of me. The way that cat made me feel,

like she had my back is how I make everybody else feel. Like cat felt the same way about me in that moment. Like she was scared and I was there for her, just like I was kind of scared and she was there for me. I saw myself again of how I'm protective and I make people feel safe and I make people feel like I have their back and how that is a feeling that you can give someone that can never be repaid. Like people would pay money for that shit but you can't. Like that's something you can't get. Like you just have it or you don't't like people just have your back or they don't they can't give you that sense of safety and security So like I saw myself again

Through cat like the way that she had my fucking back and it like bonded me to her so much more than she even knows and when she listens to this like Oh my god, hey bitch like I love you so much I Oh my god, hey bitch. Like I love you so much. I have a couple more examples, but when you go out in your life, I want y'all to start fucking looking for the way that other people make you feel that you like and then be like, is that something I do?

Because I have that. You know what I mean? Like look for yourself in others and experience the way that you make other people feel because once you feel yourself, yo, there's no better feeling. I can't describe it to you, you're just going to have to do it. And like once you have this realization, it's never going to stop. And you are going to develop a new like appreciation for yourself. I can't tell. It's better than fucking jerking off. It is better than fucking drugs and trust me, I know. So one other example from Nashville is my other friend Kate. So first was cat. Now we got Kate. When we were at the concerts,

Kate would randomly turn around and hold my hand or like reach out to me and just hold my hand for a second and like would look at me. And I can't explain to you how fucking important that is and how much I love that. Like it makes my fucking broken little heart so happy because it's like she's checking on me and thinking of me. Like she randomly would just like check on me throughout the concert. Like and just make sure I'm okay. She would think of me and like her reaching out her hand was like showing that she's thinking of me like, hi, and we don't speak. We didn't say nothing. She would just like hold my hand for a second and we would just like beat Bob and have a good time. Like it was a positive thing. It wasn't like I was sad and she was holding my hand. It was like, we're both having fun She just got us my hand and we like vibe for a second together

I Experience myself in that too because the way that I think of other people and the way that I like check on others And I try to make sure everybody's okay. She did that to me and I felt myself again like how good it feels to be checked on I do that to others and I make others feel the exact same way. Like bro, it's the little things I swear. It's like the big things where it's like you're running out with me ready to fight everybody or you're just like holding my hand and like letting me know you think of me. Like there's so many little things that I do

that are so much more important that I don't even realize. And these are the things about me that make me lovable and make me worth being loved. Like how could you not love someone that has these traits? And it's not even like I have to earn people's love and like I'm forcing these traits. Like these are just traits that I have.

Like I'm just a naturally considerate person. Like I just think of others. I'm aware of the way other people are feeling. Like I just consider them. That's just the part of me. It's part of my character, it's who I am. The way that I'm loyal, the way that I'm protective, the way that I think of everybody,

the way that I can read a fucking room and I have situational awareness, the way that I care for people, just the way that I have a genuine interest in what people are saying, and that I want to make sure they feel special and feel like they're heard. I try to understand people before I judge them, you know, like just these little traits about me that I've overlooked for so long, that's all the lovable shit. So all the things about you that you're overlooking is all the reasons that you're lovable. So if you don't feel lovable, stop overlooking shit. You're overlooking all of the reasons why people will love you and why people do love you.

You're the only one that doesn't see it. And I'm talking to myself when I say this too. You're the only one that thinks you're unlovable. You can't fathom why someone would love you and that's why you feel the way that you do sometimes. But as soon as you start to see it, you're gonna start feeling worthy of love and you're gonna have to start treating yourself a lot better Because how can someone that's worthy of love be treated so bad by theirself? This is like some life-changing shit, and I know I'm just like throwing it out there, but here it is

It's different to logically like understand okay I do this this and that and this is why I should be valuable to other people it is so much different when you feel it like logic and reason is one thing but when you feel something it's totally fucking different so I'm dead, like start looking for the shit that you do for other people and then feel it. Like when they do it back or someone does it to you, sit at it for a second, sit in it and enjoy that feeling and then reminds yourself, this is how I make other people feel.

Another example of something like this is my sister and my mom. So they're like my voice of reason when I'm freaking the fuck out. When I'm in a high emotional like disarray and I'm like freaking the fuck out or I'm like panicking or I'm upset, I'll call either of them

and they're always like my voice of reason, like they're my logic. It's like the situation depends of like, who I'm gonna call, it's just random. But I know that when I'm really upset or I'm really fucking mad or I'm scared and I don't know what to do, I can call them and I can trust their judgment. Like they're they have my best interest at heart. They're not gonna tell me something bad. And they're gonna be able to think logically when I can't and they're gonna remind me of things and

Guide me in the right direction and when you are in a super emotional place That person that you can call is so much more important than you realize So I realized with my mom and my sister like the way that I can call them is the way that they call me because when they're upset about Something they call me and I'm their voice of reason. So I saw myself again, like, and I felt myself for the first time through them of how I make them feel and how I'm like that safety net for them, where when you're upset, you have somewhere to go because there's been a lot of times where I've been really, really upset or really, really scared and had nowhere to go and no one to turn to but myself.

And I can't explain to you how good it feels to actually have someone there to kind of like comfort you when you're upset or be your voice of reason or just someone to be there to fucking give you a new opinion or a new perspective or like, hey, help me see the situation different because I'm fucking pissed, you know? But I am that like just like they're that for me. I'm that for them and you listening to this podcast you You you're that for somebody else. I Kind of want to make this podcast episode really fucking long because I have two more realizations that I can go into But I don't know if I should save one for Another episode to make it its own

episode or not. No, fuck it. We're just going to throw it in this one because I owe y'all from last week. We just need a long podcast. So I had a realization about traveling and it's about getting new ideas and getting into new frequencies. So where you live now and where you spend your daily life or like most of your life, it's the same vibrations,

it's the same shit. And if you notice you're like thinking the same way and the same thoughts and you're seeing the same perspectives, there's not much to trigger you to see anything new. So like when you travel, different locations hold different frequencies and different frequencies are gonna give you different thoughts and different ideas.

So if you want to think in a new way or you wanna have a new idea, get the fuck out of where you're at. And I'm not talking like, travel hours and hours away or spend thousands of dollars to go travel somewhere, like just drive an hour away from where you live. Go see something different. Go see something different. Go feel something different. Go get in different frequencies. Get in different vibrations. Get in different shit because it will automatically start shifting your thoughts. You don't have to

do anything. It will just start changing by itself because you're going to be a match to different things because you're in a new fucking frequency. I know this is kind of spiritual and it's a little bit out there, but I promise, it's the fucking truth. Like your brain is just gonna automatically start working differently if you're in a different location. It makes so much sense because in science class, you learned everything fucking vibrates.

Solid liquids and gases. You know the little particles and it would show that it moves, like in a solid, it moves a little bit slower, but in a gas, the like particles or the atoms, I don't know what the fuck it was. Like move really, really fast in a gas. Everything vibrates, everything. And so do thoughts and emotions.

Like they are all energy too. They all vibrate. So by switching the frequency or the vibration that you're in, everything's gonna switch. All of the vibrations in your body are gonna be matches to different things. So your thought process is automatically gonna be one of those. And I realize it's about traveling

because every time I travel, I have some like life changing fucking revelation or I'll get a new idea for something or I'll see a new perspective on something I wasn't seeing before. And it's because I'm out of what I know, I'm out of the perspectives I'm used to, I'm out of the way I've usually been thinking. Like it's not a coincidence, it's not an accident, it's fucking real.

But anytime I have a problem, like I've always just been drawn to driving somewhere or going somewhere, even if I just go to the beach, which is like 25 minutes away from me, or I go downtown and I go walk around. I do like just random ass shit. Like every time I have a problem or I have like something I'm thinking about or I need like insight on something,

I'll go to a new location so I can be a match to new ideas because you're not gonna think of anything new, sitting in the same shit I don't know that sounds kind of like wacky, but It be it be the truth bitch. I thought I got it be the truth Okay, so moving on to the next realization This is something I realized yesterday after getting into like kind of like a pit of sadness

I don't know if it was come down feels or it was just a mix, but I was pushed to the realization bitch and I'm annoyed by it. So it's basically that nothing is as easy as you think it is. So on social media like the vibe now is to look like you're not trying. It's to look effortless. It's to look like everything's easy. Motherfuckers are trying so much more than you realize. People are putting so much more effort into everything they do than you realize. They're just not telling you. It's not cool in our generation for some reason to care or to try or to put effort into something.

Everybody kind of just hides that. And for someone like me, I'm watching everyone have all, it just seems like all this great shit is happening to so many people. It's not just happening to them. They're working for it. They're fucking putting so much more effort into things than I even realized than I even know because I'm trying to accomplish similar things and

I'm having a hard fucking time. I ran up against this realization because I started to have like a fucking meltdown about it. I'm like, why the fuck does shit not just happen for me like it does for everybody else? And then I realized, bro, it's not just happening to them. They're trying so much harder than you realize. They're just not showing that they're trying. Like that, they're just trying to make it look effortless.

They're hiding that part and they might not even be hiding that part because they want to paint the illusion that it's easy. They might just be hiding the part where they put in a lot of effort because who wants to see that? That's not the pretty part of social media. That's not like what people want to fucking click on and see. They don't want to see you doing all the boring work.

They just want to see the success. They just want to see like the benefit of what you're doing. So I'm going to be really honest with you guys about what I'm trying to do right now and get mad if you want, but I have to share this because it goes with the realization and it's like, what pushed me to it and I'm going to be fucking open and honest because nobody else is.

So I have two TikTok accounts and they both just hit over 130,000 followers. I have not had a single brand reach out to me. I've had one and then they told me they were going to send me something and they never did. But I have not had any actual like brand deal opportunities. I have not had a single brand reach out to me. I don't know what the fuck is going on. Like I thought brands just reached out to you once you like had some followers and once you had really high engagement. I thought they just reached out to you. They just found you. Now, maybe some people, but not me, apparently. So I'm like, what the fuck? Like, I want to start making money off of TikTok and my podcasts. Like this shit, like this is an

example. It takes so much more energy from me to do these things than it seems. Like, my podcast takes me hours to do because I have to record it and then I have to edit it which takes me a few hours then I have to listen to it and then I have to schedule it and it's a lot more work than you think I don't just fucking come in here and record something and then throw it up. It's not as easy as it seems like let me just assure you of that and then tiktok's like they're a lot easier There's so much fucking easier, but I want to start making money from this shit I want to figure out how to monetize this because I feel like it's a missed opportunity if I don't like

I am not just like some fucking rich kid who just gets to live off a trust fund I wish bitch. I would fucking suck God's dick if he would make me Kylie Jenner's kid like oh my God Anyway, I have made like pennies on fucking TikTok, but with TikTok the way that they pay you is like Fucking stupid like you can't touch the money that you make until 30 days after you make it Okay, so like money doesn't post to your account to be withdrawn for 30 days and then you have to wait 30 days after that So it's like a 60 day waiting period and I just had a video go viral on my life coach TikTok and it got like 2.7 million views in a week and all I made was like $83 so That's a lot of fucking views

For only 83 measly fucking bucks, you know? Like people that are making a living off of social media are not doing it just from like TikTok money and little TikTok coins because it's not shit. Like what people are doing is like brand deals, affiliate links, shit like that, like sponsored posts, sponsored ads. That's where the money is and that's where you can make a lot of fucking money. So my ass is like, okay, let's do it because my app is not making me a lot of money. Like I put $25,000 into it and I'm not making shit.

Like I'm making less than $500 a month from that. Like I'm already $25,000 in the fucking bucket with this goddamn app. And I'm already $25,000 in the fucking bucket with this goddamn app. And I'm trying to make it as cheap as possible because I made it as a resource. Like I was making it like genuine to try to help people, but it's like at the same time, I have to watch out for myself financially

because I just threw 25 grand into something that's not having any return. I'm like, let me go try and find some like brand deals or find out like what the fuck people are doing. And as I've been researching it, like a lot of people have a manager, like a social media manager who links them up with brands that pay them to do shit. And they get like PR and all this shit. And I've seen a lot of people that have like 50,000 followers getting a shit ton of PR. And I'm like, how bro, like I have 130,000 followers getting a shit ton of PR. And I'm like, how, bro, like I have 130,000 followers on both accounts and I haven't gotten anything.

It's because brands are not just reaching out to them and sending them shit and offering to pay them money. Like some of them might, but it's not as common as you think. These people have managers and their managers are hooking them up and reaching out to these brands and connecting them so that they can get these opportunities. They're not just falling in their lap.

And I was under the illusion of like, oh, once you just get a certain amount of followers, shit, just going to start coming to you. Like people are just going to start wanting to pay you. No, bitch. That's not how it has been for me. If it is like that for other people, I don't know why it's not like that for me, but from my experience, this is some bullshit. Okay. Cause the way I thought it was supposed

to go versus how it's going, it's taking a lot more effort. So now I'm trying to like look for a social media manager. So I can get like advertisements from my podcasts, from my TikTok. So I can make some money off this shit, bitch. Like, why not? It's a literal missed opportunity. Y'all ain't ever got to worry off this shit bitch. Like why not? It's a literal missed opportunity. Y'all ain't ever got to worry about me selling out. Like I will never come on here talking about no stupid shit and I will never rep a product that I don't believe in or like anything.

Anything, like you will never be able to pay me a certain amount to lie to you fucking guys because I'm very honest, I'm very open and all I want is to find someone online that I know I can trust and I am that I have a level of trust built with you guys and I will never fucking break that because I'm very big on trust I'm very big on like reliability and being able to count on someone. So if the fact that you guys trust me and rely on me, that is my number one priority.

I'll never sell the fuck out. Like I'd rather make zero dollars and keep doing this shit, then lose the relationship that I have with you guys of like the trust, you know? Because I'm doing it right now. Like I make fucking jack shit from this. I have not made a dollar from this podcast. I have made like a hundred and something dollars off TikTok,

off both of my accounts combined, because I'm banned on not Leo for legal reasons. I have made like a hundred and something dollars off TikTok, off both my accounts combined, because I'm banned on not Leo for legal reasons. I got banned from the creator fund for seven months, and I'm still not off fucking probation, so that account I make no money from, absolutely zero. My life coach won, I've made like a hundred and something dollars, but all that's available

to withdraw right now is like 40 bucks, but I can't withdraw the rest of it for another goddamn two months. Anyway, I'm trying to find out how to get a social media manager and I've started looking into it and it's a lot of fucking scams. It's a lot of bullshit. Like I don't understand how so many people have managers and so many people are making

this shit work when you can't like trust anything that there is online. Like you have to have connections and I don't have any. So if anyone listening to this knows a social media manager or knows anything about what I can do to start monetizing my shit, will you please let me know? Because I'm struggling. I don't know what if I'm going out and I don't trust anything. I don't trust anyone. So my skepticism and my paranoia is shooting me in the fucking ass right now. I would say she'd be in the foot, but it's really shooting me in the fucking ass. But that's my realization.

Like, this shit is not as easy as people make it seem or that you would assume because them just not talking about it makes us assume a certain thing. So, girl, it's a lot harder than you fucking think. Like, just having followers does not mean you're gonna instantly make money because I'm not making shit. Like, it's fucking pathetic. I see people with so many less followers than me that are making so much fucking money and I'm like, so confused. I'm like, what? Like, I'm not money and I'm like so confused. I'm like what like I'm not like acting like an entitled fucking prick like I have more I did you know it's like no my Presence online is not brand friendly and I get that because I'm gonna be honest no matter what and brands want to be able to pay people that

Well fucking lie and hype their shit up. I'm not the guy for that But if you have a good product, I'm the guy to come to because everyone trusts me, you know, like I'm not gonna ever get on here and run my mouth about some stupid shit. I don't believe. And I'm not gonna hype up a product. I don't fucking like like in the kombucha video that I made on TikTok. That went viral. I said it tastes like fucking shit. It tastes like vinegar, but you got to do what you got to do and drink it because it's good for you. Like everybody was like, oh my god, they were pissing theirself. And they were like laughing at me. They're like, oh my God,

you're never gonna get sponsored by kombucha. And I was like, no shit. Like I don't care. Make something better. And then sponsor me. But yeah, I'm just trying to take my social media to a like profitable standpoint. And I'm not figuring out the best way to do that. Like I'm trying, but like I said,

if you all know anybody, like DM me on Instagram, and let's talk, because I need a little bit of help with this. I'm just like disappointed, because I'm like, I've been thinking this whole time something has gone wrong, because shit's not working for me. And opportunities are not just falling in my lap, like they are for everybody else, but that's not the reality of it. Shit's not just falling into people's lap,

they're having to go out and get it. So now that I'm facing the new reality of like, hey, it's not as easy as you think. Now I'm ready to like face it and go after it and like figure it out. That's no problem with me. I'm just going to use my platform and ask for help if I can because I really don't have connections. Like, I don't, y'all would probably assume that like, so much more about my social media than is real. Like, I don't make fucking money.

I don't have connections. I don't really talk to people. I like, I don't collab with anybody. I don't fucking like, nothing. Like, I just do it, I guess. But that was just my example. But this whole realization is about everything. Like everything is a lot harder than you'd expect

and nothing has gone wrong. Like if you're busting your ass for something and you're like, God damn, like why does this seem so hard? It's because it's meant to. Everyone struggles, no one posts it, no one shares that part. They just show the fruits of their labor They don't show the fucking labor people are not showing how they had to hunt for a social media manager

And how they got fucking scammed four times where they found a good one Like no one's posting that they're just posting that they got PR Sometimes you don't even know that they have a manager, but they do So just don't compare your experience of like what you're trying to do Against everyone else's because everybody puts in a lot more work into things than you think. Like these effortless posts on Instagram like Emma Chamberlain is the queen of that shit. Like I love that fucking bitch and all her pictures on Instagram look so like effortless and like she just isn't trying but let me tell you I know that bitch is trying.

I know like the effortless look is never effortless. Like if you just take your phone out and take a random fucking picture of something, it doesn't look good. Like if you want a picture to look good but be effortless, you have to put effort into it. You don't just randomly put your phone out and get a great picture.

And if you do, it's once in a blue fucking moon. Not where you can post three times a week with multiple slides shows of fucking pictures of like, air quote, effortless pictures. Like these bitches be trying. They'll be trifling and they'll be trying. Like they're trying a lot more than you think to look effortless and that's the thing with social media is everybody makes everything seems so easy and it's not. I promise you and it's not even just social media.

It's like everything. Everything in life is not as easy promise you, and it's not even just social media, it's like everything. Everything in life is not as easy as you'd fucking think. Like everything takes more effort and more energy from you. And has a lot more obstacles than people are gonna warn you about or tell you. And I'm gonna reveal a lot of that when I make the episode eventually about how I started my app.

I'm gonna tell you all the fucking obstacles that were in my goddamn way. All the things I had mental fucking breakdowns about. All the emotions I was feeling, what I was thinking, what I was doing, how I've gotten it to where it is, like I'm gonna reveal it all to you and you're gonna be like, ew. Like I didn't fucking realize starting an app was that hard. I didn't realize starting a business was that hard. Yeah, bitch, it's real fucking difficult. And it's a lot harder than people make it seem. Okay, I'm gonna run right back to the Instagram thing really fast. Y'all know I love to talk shit on social media. Okay, these people like with their outfits. Yo, these people are putting so much more work and effort into their outfits than you can even fucking imagine. Like the baggy clothes and the whole like,

I don't even know what to call it. There's no way to like mark the trend, but like the thrifters. That's what I'll call them. It's like the thrifters. The ones that are always thrifty and have all like the vintage looking clothes and they just like have their messy little outfits

but they look good. It's like the shit that doesn't match but it looks cute the way that they wear it. These people are planning them shit a week in advance. They got their fucking clothes laid out like the first day of school bitch. They are picking those fits so much harder than you think. They're not just waking up in the morning and throwing some shit together and going out the door. No, they're spending like an hour or two hours on that shit. Okay, and then to get pictures in it, they're spending another fucking hour with a tripod in the middle of a parking garage by

theirself frustrated try to fucking brush before the sun goes down like I'm just setting the scene for you people be trying so much more than you think this effortless look like girls be putting on makeup to look like they're wearing no makeup my sister taught me that a long time ago It's called the no makeup makeup look and people be putting on outfits to look like they're not trying like the effortless outfit It's not effortless. They're trying to look effortless the people that actually look effortless are crackheads They're the people on the side of the fucking road that really aren't trying with the fucking tutu and the goddamn door backpack Those are the tweakers are the ones that actually don't give a fuck and actually don't care. The people that are trying to look effortless are not actually effortless. Just remind yourself of that.

Let me be the reassurance because I need to hear it too. I get down on myself because I'd be wearing the same outfit three, four fucking times if it's good. It's not dirty, bitch. I'm not gross. It's so clean, I'm still wearing it. It's just difficult for me to pick outfits, like to find outfits. It just seems like everybody just throws them

together real quick, no bitch, not for me. It takes me like a while to make an outfit. That's why I be recycling it. And when I do find a really good outfit, it's usually by accident, like I'll stumble upon it. I'll just randomly be throwing shit on, and then it just looks good. And I'm like, well, okay, we're all changing the shoe shoe and I'm like, all right, let's do this. That's

what I do. That's why I have so many shoes. I just wear the same fucking outfit with a new shoe. Done. Oh, skin care is another thing. People with good-ass skin online, you'd be shocked at how many more people be trying as fuck with their skin. Because like, there was this boy that I follow on TikTok and he's not very big. He has like 20-something thousand followers, but that's my fucker's cute. Okay, like he's like weird.

He's like one of them little like, I don't know if it's like an indie boy. I don't know what indie, I don't know what the word indie means, but that just sounds like if it's him. He's real cute. He's blonde. He got nice lips for a white boy.

But he's like real cute, really, really good fucking skin and he went on live. And he's like a shoemaker. He's like a, I don't know what he does, he makes really cool ass shoes. And like he's just doing his little thing. But everything he posts is about, it's like the effortless look. It's like that I'm not trying shit. I'm just naturally cool vibe. So he was on his live. And I commented like, yo, drop the skincare routine because that shit's impeccable. And he like laughed and was like, yo, I've been on Accutane for however long and I use this, this, and this for my skin. And my fucking jaw dropped.

Like, this boy put in so much more effort into his skin, making it look the way it does than I thought. Like, you just know what a straight boy, they don't even know what the fuck a toner is. They don't know what moisturizer is. They use a fucking bar soap in the shower and some goddamn air to moisturize when they get out. That's howl. They just wipe their face with a towel and they're done. Like, that's how they do their fucking skin.

But this boy, like, I just was not expecting it because his whole brand is so effortless, I'm not trying. then when I asked about his skin and homie like revealed himself, I was like, oh, you lowkey a fangie, huh? Okay. I'm just kidding. When I say shit like that, I'd be joking. Okay. But yeah, like the whole point is like people put so much more effort than you think.

And just because they're not posting that they're trying, don't mean they ain't trying. They be trying bitch. But my reassuring message to you is, don't beat yourself up or think something's gone wrong because you're struggling. It's normal. Everyone's fucking struggling. You just don't realize it.

It's not cute to struggle. Like society does not make it like we're allowed to struggle. If you voice that you're struggling, people will think you're complaining and that you're bitching. So that's why no one talks about it. But everyone is struggling. Every single fucking person is struggling with something that they're dealing with going through or working towards. It's a lot fucking harder than you think for everyone. It's not just you that it's hard for. That's my reassuring

message. That's what you need to fucking hear and replay that shit bitch because that was great. Pastor Leo's awesome shit. Came back for some trips and here I am. Sunday's time of his speech. Okay, this episode is not that long. Like I thought it was gonna be longer because I covered so many fucking big ass topics and like realizations in one episode. But I thought this would be so much longer. I just talk fast. Like I began to the point. Sometimes I repeat the point, but I get to the point, you know? Like shit, I want to make this longer. I want it this like an hour and 20 minutes speech. It ain't even gonna be like 40 something. Alright, that's all I got for this episode. I think that's all my brain can fucking handle for this week. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this, leave me a five-star rating.

But only five stars. Don't give me no fucking four star, three star, one star, bull shit. Yugi. The only button that works is the five stars. Sorry about it. But you can rate me on Spotify and Apple podcasts. All of my social media will be linked in the description of this podcast. Also on my app, if you want to download it, you can get it. I'll put the links. It's on the iPhone and the Android. It's on everything. So anybody can get it. Go improve your life, bitch. We are back on schedule.

I will be back on track every Sunday, Sunday service. I will not close the church doors on you guys again. I'm not making no promises. But no time in the future, we're like close the church doors in your face. All right, love you so much. I will talk to you next Sunday. You best have your ass in church.