Aware & Aggravated - 18. How To Lose Feelings, Escaping A Rut, & Purchases To Avoid

Episode Date: December 8, 2024

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Yay. Hi friends. I've had the flu for the past few days. The fact that I've gotten myself out of bed to do this. You know, I love you real bad. I'm also in a contract. The show has to go on. All right. We're doing what would Leo do? So many people wrote in and asked how to lose feelings for somebody, baby, losing feelings for somebody, I got plenty of episodes about handling breakups and all that crap, but the biggest thing when it comes to being caught up on someone, you can't let them go, can't move on, whatever the fuck. From my own personal experience,

what has hung me up on people the most is the fact that I overvalued them. And my brain could not let go of the fact that I harmed myself and took from myself to give to somebody that I perceived as valuable. So most of the times when you can't stop thinking about somebody or you're caught up on them, you can't move on all this and that you can't fathom that you hurt yourself for someone or something that wasn't actually worth it. That's the thing fucking you up in the head.

You don't actually like them. You don't actually care. It's the relationship with yourself that you destroyed. And it's the pain that you caused yourself. It's the fact that you hurt yourself for somebody. And you're faced with seeing that they're worth it and seeing that they're not. And your brain will play this little game of when you're trying to see that they're worth it and seeing that they're not. And your brain will play this little game of

when you're trying to see if they're worth it or see if they're not, your brain has to convince you that they were worth it in some way. Facing that disappointment is too much. So subconsciously, your brain's gonna be looking for everything. You're gonna be constantly thinking about them,

re-running situations, checking their social media, freaking out what they doing, what they up to, who they with. You're not actually worried about them. You're not actually caught up on them. Your brain just can't accept the fact that they actually weren't as great as you thought they were

because of what it means with you. And your brain's gonna keep running for it. So if you feel like you can't let somebody go, this is a big thing that I had to realize because I was doing some crazy shit. Basically your brain just can't accept what's really happened. Ew, it sucks.

Your brain can't accept it. I've like, I've done this to myself for them. Literally look at them. That's the thing is you can't look at the reality of it because it's gonna like, let's go into actually like the opposite side of it. So like the one side your brain keeps going toward is looking for any kind of validation of their worth

and how what you went through wasn't for nothing. And there must just be something I'm not seeing. Your brain's tweaking, babe. But going on the other side, the flip side of it with actually looking at, okay, I hurt myself for somebody I overvalued. That comes with so many catastrophic things with your relationship with yourself, your trust with yourself, what you've done. And it's a lot harder to digest that.

It feels like swallowing poison. It feels like swallowing a fucking porcupine. That's never gonna feel good. It's never gonna be fun. It's never gonna be an enjoyable experience. So if you keep thinking about them, entertain that for a second. How are you caught in this dynamic?

And then once you're aware of it, can you then be like, oh yeah, okay. So it's not about them at all. That's typically what happens. You're never usually caught up on somebody that hard because everybody's just a mirror of you, but let's not go into that. I'm too sick to fucking go down that rabbit hole. So I hope that helped with helping you. That did not help. That was not enough information. You're sick, but you're not stupid. Okay. What else can I tell you about losing feelings for somebody really just facing

the reality of who they are and what they are with the cost of facing what you've done to yourself for someone that you overvalued, you're going to have trust issues with people. You're also going to have trust issues with yourself and your judgment. You're not going to be able to rely on yourself. And you're also going to have a subconscious fear of valuing things. So that can lead into a real, real bad spiral where you don't want to value nothing.

It leads to like a state of numbness where it's like a subconscious protection for yourself, where you see how you overvalued something in the past and your brain is not going to let you fuck up again. It's not going to let you do the same thing. So you're going to get this protection mechanism in the back of your mind, subconscious, you're not going to be aware of it, where liking anything, desiring anything, valuing anything is not a possibility. You can't feel happy.

You can't appreciate anything. You can't appreciate anything. You can't value anything. And if you do value something, it's gonna stress you out. You'll get this like subconscious fear of valuing things or valuing people. And it's not gonna feel safe to do it. Like it's gonna make you anxious as hell. And you're also gonna have the flip kind of thing happen

where you're not impressed by anything. You see faults in every single thing. And it's sad because it goes from like a relationship with a person, fucks you up with your whole dynamic with life because you can't appreciate nothing. Like for me to look over here and appreciate the lion because it's gold or like the little Medusa head. Now I can't do it.

Like you're not going to be able to appreciate anything and it will lead you to like your own personal hell of depression, you can't escape all this and that. So just catch this before it gets bad, where you overvalued something and you hurt yourself for it. So it sucks, swallow that pill before you're not able to value anything ever again. That's what leads a lot of people to unaliving and they don't understand why.

And I've personally dealt with this whole thing. It's not fun, like I said, but it's not about them. Other thing with like losing feelings, with facing the truth of who they really are, swallowing that nasty ass pill of, yeah, they wasn't really worth that much. You're gonna have to go build yourself into somebody who would have never given that person the time of day. That's what I always do. It's fun. Helps me

forget about them because it's like, okay, your brain might make you think of them, but it's like, oh, yeah, they would never go back to that. And you kind of get this like safety net where your brain don't even like think for them in a way where it causes you pain. That's another big thing. If you think you're caught up on somebody, you're not. When you think about them, it hurts. Look at why. Why does it hurt when I think about you fucking stupid ass?

Why does it hurt? Why does it like feel uncomfortable to be thinking about this person or still feel like I have feelings for them? What does it do? What does it take from you? What's the real fucking issue here? You know, cause like I said, it's about you at this point. They gone, they not here. It's about you. I have a podcast episode called your attention is what makes them special. Watch that. If you're dealing with feeling hung up on somebody. Also my other episode, why you Really Can't Let Them Go. I think that's the title. Go find those. Go watch those. I also have episodes about breakups. You can go look them up.

You can search them and find them on YouTube. Watch the video. I'll be hanging out with you. Hey, Fran. Or you can listen to the audio version on Apple podcasts and Spotify. But if you listen to the audio version, hit the download button, because that's what actually helps me. Thanks. OK, next. Long distance situation ships. Leo would never. What the fuck you mean what would Leo do? Long distance situation ship. No. The hell. Situation ship. You're gonna entertain

somebody be dealing with somebody who can't even tell you what they want from you. Can't even lock you down. They don't like you enough to take you off the market. What the fuck? Can't even put a down deposit on you when they see you in the store, when they see you and they value you so much, they just can't have. I'm acting like you're a piece of furniture. I'm delirious, you could tell. But like you walk into a store, you see something, you want it and you're going to do whatever it takes.

OK, I'll put a down deposit on it if I can't get it today, but I have to secure it and make sure that I know that it's mine and I'm gonna get it. People with relationships, if they're not throwing a title down, walk off. Jesus Christ. Even if it's like what I usually do, two weeks into talking to somebody, dating somebody, whatever. Two weeks after I meet you, if I like you enough and I want to see where it's going, I always say, okay, I just want to be upfront and tell you straight up from here, moving forward. I like you. I fuck with you a little bit. And I don't want you talking to nobody else. So I'm not talking to nobody else. I don't want you to, and I don't want you hooking up with nobody else.

It's done here just for us to continue forward and seeing where things are going to go. I locked down something, even though that's not like a title. It's a clarity of expectation and my interest. And then it goes further into the actual title title, but situationship. Everybody write in, and then, oh, I've been in a situationship for six months.

What the fuck? That's your problem. Why are you asking me? What would Leo do? Never have done that. But then you tack on the whole long distance thing. What the fuck? If I like somebody in his long distance, move where I'm at. Show me you love me. You trying to be with me or not? Like long distance what? Get off the phone. Go meet people in real life. I don't like it the phone has made things too accessible because people have like full fledged like engagements with people they've never fucking met in real life. What are you doing?

I just want everybody to know that's very weird. From my perspective, in my opinion, a lot of people ain't going to tell you that. That's very fucking weird to like date somebody. You never seen them to be in love with somebody you never fondled them you never test drove to call how you supposed to say oh i love you you don't know if they got shit fucking breath you don't know if they stink you don't know if they walk weird you know you're like how are you supposed to say you in love with somebody never met him i don't get it but the long distance thing no i personally could never do it. I'm not going to do it, but if you want to take on that task, go for it.

So what would Leo do? Not that. Okay. This one's cute. Two people wrote in basically the same topic. So they started making a little money and they asked me, what are the luxury purchases? I regret. And a couple of other people ask, what is my most recent purchase? So I'm going to tell you both. Purchases I regret. If you're just coming into some money and you want to splurge and buy some things, buy stuff. Great. Treat yourself.

Buy the things you've always wanted. Buy the things you're going to wear. But do not ever, from my personal experience, buy no luxury designer bath mats or towels. is buy no luxury designer bath mats or towels. My Versace bath mat ripped like a giant hole in it. I have a Dolce Gabbana one now that's leopard. You can't fucking wash them normal. You can't just throw them in the washing machine. You gotta dry clean them.

What do I look like dry cleaning a fucking bath mat? Like, clearly I forgot who I am. So once it gets dirty enough, I don't know what's gonna happen. I might toss it, or someone's gonna have to take it to get dry cleaned, because I'm not doing it. But, from my personal experience, bath mats, towels, anything of that nature,

stay away from it. I don't care what logo's on it, whose face is on it, what name is attached to it, no. Also, jewelry. If you're going to buy jewelry, do not start with the name brand stuff. Like Cartier jewelry, we all know, it's an absolute ripoff. I love Cartier, got a bunch of stuff from Cartier. But my point is when you first come into money, the markup of designer jewelry like Van Cleef, Cartier, what you can buy like an actual chain for that is solid gold,

like this one, my bracelets that I have. What you pay going to an actual just jeweler and getting what you want made or just getting something from them, it's gonna be like a fourth of the price of going to some kind of like designer place like an engagement ring from Cartier You got it like that don't you you just got it like that if that's where you buying certain things just What was I even talking about? I'm trying y'all

I'm trying the flu got me bath mats and towels don't fucking buy them. Pillows I like. I have a new fixation with Versace pillows. I've been buying a bunch of them. I'm obsessed with them. I have so much color everywhere because of the pillows and the blankets and everything.

But yeah, I'd say get some chains, some bracelets, some like rings, some staple stuff that's like actual real gold. And then you can go into like designer jewelry. If somebody else is paying, give it whatever the fuck you want. But that's my couple things to stay away from. Oh my God, one more thing I'll warn you about. Designer shoes.

They all uncomfortable. I've never ever found a pair of designer shoes that are comfortable, okay? Well, there's like a couple, but not enough for a thousand dollar pair of shoes, and they're gonna hurt, no, absolutely not. So just know with shoes, be careful, because they might look cute,

but they're gonna hurt like hell. But pain is beauty, so do what you want to do. Hint hint red bottoms, the most uncomfortable fucking things you'll ever have in your life. The sneakers for the men, the heels for the girls, all of them, so uncomfortable, but they look so good. You just take it. Anybody who tells you, Oh yeah, my Louboutins are comfortable. They're fake or they're lying. Okay. Wait, not next yet. My most recent purchase. I've been having a fixation like I said with Versace pillows, but also

Versace vases. I don't know what it is. I like vases all of a sudden. Who the fuck? I don't know. I'm very, very picky, very picky. And I found this vase from Gianni Versace himself. It was vintage from the nineties. It ain't made no more. Can't get it. Of course I want it even more now. And it's kind of like one of one

because the person who bought it, it was like someone's parents bought it and never used it. Like they kept it in the box. So it is an unopened vase from the nineties. Duh, I bought it. I was so excited. I'm over here checking the tracking. It finally gets delivered. I open my door, I pick up the box and I hear it jingle. And I was like, no way, no way in hell. God, I didn't want to believe it. I walk into the kitchen, I open the box. I look at the vase, she looks back at me in about 20 different pieces. She was broken. There's so many reasons I'm upset about this. Genuinely so, but it gets worse. Just wait. So it's a vintage vase from the 90s.

Brand new. It was expensive. Like stupid expensive. I decide, you know what, Leo, you finally found a vase you like. Let's go ahead. You get it for yourself. I treat you. I love you so much. I pay the money and the vase gets delivered broken. Now the money and the vase gets delivered broken. Now the money is one thing. I got my money back because it was a shipper's fault.

Like they're an idiot. But the other thing that really like hurt my soul was the fact that this was a piece of art. It wasn't just like, oh, just some base. It was a piece of art from the 90s. You can't replace, you can't recreate, you can't nothing. I go online desperate, hoping I could find a different one. Nope, they're gone.

That was the last one. So that is never gonna ever be a thing that I have. But you know what, in my upset state, I went online and I was like, you know what? I'll go buy another vase I was looking at. It came out like a couple of years ago. They don't make it anymore. So I have to buy it off like eBay and Poshmark, whatever the vase I was looking at. It came out like a couple of years ago. They don't make it anymore. So I have to buy it off like eBay and Poshmark,

whatever the hell I was shopping on, I can't remember. But I go buy a different vase. Cause I'm like, you know what? I want the vase. I want the vibe of the vase, you know? So I go order a different one. Same shape-ish, but whole different like vibe to it. I'm like, you know what?

It's still cute. I get it. You know what? Maybe it's meant to be over here. Maybe I meant to get this one. Who knows? Guess. Guess what happened. I got a message from the seller on eBay and they said, Hey, there's been a report of damage to the package. So the second base I order gets damaged in transit.

Didn't even get to me and it's broken. Honestly, I'm considering giving up on the whole vase escapade of this, of like trying to order vases. I'm lying to you bold faced through my new teeth right now. I'm going to keep buying more vases till I finally fuck and get one, but it's just very upsetting, very depressing. Can people learn how to package shit? Put some bubble wrap. Okay, let's get off that because I'm gonna get real irritated and I'm probably gonna go buy another vase out of spite. Let's just keep going before

we do that. How do I deal with a homophobic family when I'm young and can't leave them yet? Stop coming out. That's one thing I hate on social media is like, people talk about you have to live in your authenticity. You need to embrace yourself, be yourself. Don't, if you're not of age to escape a bad situation, because a lot of people have parents who are extremely and like dangerously homophobic. So stop talking about it. Just hide it.

Take it 18. Then you can get your own place, move out and do what you wanna do. Screw who you wanna screw. But this whole thing of like coming out so soon, for what? Like risk management, assess the situation. Do you think it's a safe thing to do? Because there are some parents

who will unalive their children if they come to them with that. As someone who's Albanian, I understand how family dynamics and cultural dynamics can lead into extreme homophobia. What the hell y'all doing? Why everybody want to be so out and about and proud? Like, I don't claim the community. I don't know what the fuck's going on with that,

but I ain't part of that. I understand that you want to be yourself and open up and all that, but risk management, do I think I'll be in danger if I come out? There's a time and a place to be authentic. Unfortunately, you can't be authentic all the time. The issue a lot of people have in the whole like authenticity movement is if you are inauthentic on purpose, that's not an issue.

It's when people don't understand that they're being inauthentic that causes problems. But like if you're choosing to chameleon yourself for a situation, for your survival, okay, do it. And I know a lot of people aren't going to agree with that. I don't care because are you taking in the kids who are getting kicked out of their homes? No, there's so many people who are gay and they come out before they can afford to be on their own and get kicked out into the street.

So be careful with it. And I'm not talking to you like rough and harsh because it's bad or something to be ashamed of. It's not at all. Do your fucking thing, but be smart with it. Like TikTok and social media has made people so blind to like their actual life. Like, okay, all these things fly on social media. What's actually going to fly in real life? That's something people need to be able to discern between. And that's not something really being

talked about. If you don't feel like it's safe to come out, don't. I kind of want to say like, be respectful. But like, I know a lot of people are like, oh, you don't have to give someone respect. It's your parent at the end of the day. They're giving you a place to stay, a place to live. What's the options? If you've got a better option to jump to, jump to it. But if you're trapped in the situation you're in, cause you're 15, 16, whatever it is, chill. These people on TikTok are pretending they're there for you. They're

pretending they're going to help you. They're not. But as far as it goes with your family being homophobic, play it transactionally. Okay. Their love is transactional. Okay. So match it. What can you do for the time being? What a situation that you're in. What are they good for? Okay. Let them be good for that. And then be transactional. Like it sucks, but somebody's gotta be saying this because everybody online is just acting like when you come out, it's just a big happy, warm welcome. Woo!

No. Okay, next person said, I'm moving into a new place for the first time. What are the first purchases that are mandatory in your opinion? Okay. Every single person, well I'm gonna just tell you what I buy.

Every single time I get a new apartment or move somewhere new, the first couple things I buy, first two, one is the giant pack of wet wipes from Costco because people who only use toilet paper, ew. That's something I will never ever ever run out of. Sometimes I buy two, three cases just in case. This house, I have to stock a lot of bathrooms. So I bought three cases when I moved in here.

But next thing is a safe. And not a safe that's like small. This is a safe. A lot of people don't know it. They think it's a table. This is a little safe I used to put inside my bigger safe, but I needed something to put here. This is a little safe. I used to put inside my bigger safe, but I needed something to put here. This is also not my final podcast set.

I'm in the middle of like doing a bunch of stuff, but this is a safe. You don't want one that small. You don't want a safe that someone could just pick up and walk off with. You want a safe that's like over 150, 200 pounds and big. So bigger than you think, but also one that cannot just be stolen. Also one that is fireproof. I think mine is like 2000 hours that can be lit on fire

before anything happens to anything inside of it. That's what you want. It's expensive, but a safe 1000%. You need to put your most valuable things in it. Also some cash, because you always need to have some cash. And your jewelry and everything. You just need a spot where you can put things and know it's fine. Passport, shit like that. Put it all in there.

And it doesn't matter if people can see it or know it's your safe. They can't move it. I think mine's like 500 pounds. Good luck. And two more things that I always get in a new place is one, a door buddy. It's the stick that goes up against the door handle. So people can't like open the door as easy. And the other thing is a ring doorbell or like a camera for the front of your house. This is not sponsored.

I'm not over here talking about no ring camera because I'm making money from it. Buy whatever the fuck kind of camera you want to buy. But having some kind of camera where you know who's walking by your place in an apartment, I don't care. I'm always throwing one up. I used to have one on the outside and inside the door. Just in case you got through the door, I got you. That's a big thing is knowing that there's eyes on your home when you're not there and you can know what's going on, what's happening.

Also, people will be stealing packages. So yeah, you got to have a ring camera. I was about to go the next one, but one more thing I always like to do is buy a new scent of things that I have when I move somewhere new, like what vibe do I want to set with the smell and shit? Like what kind of Febreze am I going to buy? What am I going to put in my diffuser? Sometimes I'll change up my cologne if I want to feeling like I want a big, big change,

but smelling and like a type candles that you buy, like the aroma of your house. That's something I always like to set like brand new, new place. All right, next. A lot of people asked about getting out of a rut and someone asked, what is the first step to getting out of a rut? My first step is always clean. And I'm talking like de-junk a lot of your shits and like clean up. Like if you in a rut you over here living like a pack rat, right? Clean it the fuck up. And then go through and de-junk your closet, your bathroom, your under your sink, your little storage closets,

your kitchen, your pantry, go de-junk everything. That's my favorite thing to do is getting out of a rut. Step one, I'm making space for new shit. You don't wanna have everything that you've had at this state. It's kind of like a weird like energetic thing. Open up space for new things to come in, getting rid of shit that's holding you where you are.

Also, when you're sorting through old things in your house that you haven't moved around for a while, a lot of emotions come up. You're sorting through your emotions, sorting through old energies attached to shit, and it gives you a chance to release things, cleanse, get rid of things you don't fucking need, get rid of things you just don't wanna be attached to anymore.

So that's my first thing, is cleaning out everything I own. De-junk. One time, hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe-junked my apartment three times in one month. It was like every week and then every other week I was like de-junking and I kept doing it. I de-junked it like five times before I moved, but in like two, three months I de-junked it a ton. It's just something like very like refreshing to bad. I like getting rid of shit, you know, what do you vibe with?

What do you not vibe with no more? Get it out Also, it's a very big instant gratification thing So like when you've been in a rut you ain't really been doing shit when you get up and you see Instantly that your action and your effort changes stuff and changes the way that you feel you see immediate Result you see immediate change and it feels really good to get you out of a rut Also, it feels good to like look around. Everything's clean and pretty nice. Smells good. So that's always my first thing, getting out of a rut.

And also with the whole removing old things, making space for new experiences, new energies, whatever you want to talk about, new ideas are going to come in. When you get moving around and changing things, throwing things out, you're going to have whole new mindsets, hitching new perspectives, new ideas, new desires. Everything's gonna kind of like amp up. So get everything stirring around, move this shit around, give it a stuff, clean. It's fun.

And it leads into so much more than you think. It's like a fun little thing. Oh, just clean, sure. But like, there's a lot more to it. So I hope I explained that aspect of it. Also, makes you excited about new shit you wanna buy and and new things you want to do, new ways you want to decorate. So, if you feel like you're in a rut and you have like no motivation for nothing and no like desires, you don't care about nothing, go start stirring things around. Everything will make a lot of sense.

I'm sitting here literally like my hands and feet are freezing cold, but I am pouring sweat like that cold sweat shit. I hope this episode was somewhat kind of like entertaining at least I don't fucking know. I'm delirious. So whenever I decide to edit this, we'll see what happens, but hope you liked it. If you are watching this on YouTube, subscribe, thumbs up all that shit. Audio version, um, download it and hit the five star rating. Thanks, love you. I'm trying to get through this. I'm fucking dying, all right. Leave a comment also, like for real, tell me what. Leave a comment and tell me what you want me to talk about next week because I'm hoping

I'm gonna be feeling a lot better and I'm gonna put out like a way more thought out and like banger of an episode. This one is just going to be what it's going to be. All right. Oh, we got to do our little emoji too. The comment for people who watch it this far. Comment a flower or something. A get well soon flower. Please send me some flowers. Comment an emoji if you watch it this far so I can see who came and stayed. Hey, that's all I got for this week's episode. That's all that my body's got.

It's like shutting down. My brain can keep going, but I'm gonna go. So as always, everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday. Go drink your water, go rest, go be careful, and go be disciplined and do everything you gotta do and work toward your goals, cause all my shit's on pause.

Okay, do it for me. Love you.