Aware & Aggravated - 2. Why You Don't Like The Ones That Like You

Episode Date: November 14, 2021

My take on why you never like the people back that like you and what's going on psychologically when this happens. Exposing a pattern you need to be aware of. Also a short story about a cop pulling me over the other day and the irony of it. Watch the Podcast on YouTube!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgs8c2Z_97gA_1TkJos18w/videosBook a 1-on-1 call with me 👇🏻https://leoskepicoaching.com/client-applicationSupport the podcast with a donation : https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/46556b98-73da-47be-a3bd-a5646af9f8c5Instagram: @theleoskepiPodcast Instagram: @awareandaggravated TikTok accounts: @LeoSkepi@NotLeoForLegalReasons My app Positive Focus:Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp 

What's up guys it's time for episode two and I'm gonna rock this bitch because I'm gonna talk about a topic that hits close to home for everybody I think and it's why you don't like the people back that like you I'm talking about in a relationship like it just seems like the ones that like me like I don't have no fucking interest And if I do it short-lived or I can force myself to like them, but then it fizzles out Before I get into all that I need to tell you about what happens to me the other day. So I'm driving to the gym and I'm having a great fucking day. Like I'm in a great mood, I got on a good fucking song and I'm like in the car dancing doing my thing, I'm pointing, like you know how you be dancing, you just like throw your

hands around. I'm like pointing at shit on the beat Like with my pointer finger and I'm just like having an old time and I'm like driving to the gym So there's a cop driving the opposite way of me And I'm over here at beat bopping going on the road and all of a sudden this cop flips its lights on and Like spins around in the middle of the road and I was like, oh shit somebody's getting pulled the fuck over And I'm like, I just go back to dance and I'm like, have it a good time.

This cop pulls right the fuck up behind me and flashes the lights and I was like, fuck. He already had them on, but then he flashed them and put them back on. And I'm like, God damn it. Is he pulling me over? Cause I wasn't speeding. So the fuck is he in my ass for right now?

So I just keep driving. I'm like, it ain't me my ass for right now? So I just keep driving like I'm like it a me it a me so I just keep driving and then he starts like tailgate Amy like getting up right up close to my bumper and I'm like fuck it's me So I pull over This cop comes to the window. Okay. I Don't like cops. I'm just gonna go ahead and get that out of the way. My fighter flight response kicks on every fucking time I have to deal with one. I will lie and manipulate and kiss ass to do whatever I have to do to get away from a goddamn cop. Because I have a bad experience with cops, terrible.

Like they always fuck with me, I always get the corrupt one. And if you piss them off, they have this tiniest little fuse and they have the most sensitist and fragile of egos and if you fuck with them in any way, they will fuck you in any way they can. Ten time tartar. So I'm very on edge whenever I have to deal with the cop and this cop comes to the window and I literally am like, I don't want this cop to come up to me and be like, what did you do? Do you know I pose you over. No motherfucker, I have no idea. But like I don't want to sound like a smart ass if I'm like no, I have no clue. So I'm like shit, like all these things are going through my head.

This fucker, this fat fucking white cop. Like you know the vibe that I'm like the bald old fucking white man with nothing better to do and this goddamn day comes up to my window and goes I saw you flip me off back there, what gives you the right? And I immediately bust out laughing. Like, I start pissing myself. And I said, I don't mean any disrespect because I know that I'm laughing, but I know how it looks, but I promise you,

I just had on a really good song, and I was dancing, and it wasn't my middle finger, it was my pointer finger. I was just like, bop into the beat. And he kinda looked at me like that look of like, yeah, bullshit. So I was like, I know how it looks. Like I know this doesn't sound believable, like I promise it's the truth. And I showed him a song, like I showed him my fun.

I was like, look, this is what was playing. I was like, this is the bop. And he started laughing. Like I put my charm on and I made him laugh. And so it like cracked it. I was listening to Eastside by Khalid and what's the fucking name? Halsey, but it was a remix. And it was like a- like an EDM remix because I'm going to EDC this weekend. So I'm like preparing and trying to get in the mood. And once I made him laugh, like I knew I was okay. And I was like, look, I know you don't know me, officer.

Ossifer, you have no fucking clue who I am. But I was like, look, if I didn't like you and I was just flipping cops off as they drove by, like I wouldn't be nice to you when he came to my window. Like I'm a tight person, I would keep the same energy. Like I wouldn't be nice and be cutting up with you. Like if I didn't like cops, I would be rude. Or like take my phone out and record you. So once I I like convinced him I was actually just having a good fucking day. He let me go

and everything was fine. But I'll be damned if I have a good fucking day. I'll be damned. Like universe really played me with that one. Like I was feeling the best I've ever felt in a long time. Like better than when I was on Mali Molly like bitch I was having such a good genuine day just go into the gym and listen into my song I don't know what it was I was just having a great day boom here you go here's the interruption don't you dare have a good day Leo fuck okay so now let's get into the topic of this episode why you don't like the people that like you? And I'm gonna for a for a warm, that these are just my theories.

And what I mean by these are my theories, that just puts me off the hook for anything I say, but I know what the fuck I'm talking about, and I'm right, but I do have to get a little warning because my fuckers love to quote you. So I'm not a fucking doctor, I'm not a psychologist, but I be knowing things, all right? So listen up.

So the short answer is when someone likes you right off the bat, you win. And what I mean by you win is your value and your worth is validated. When someone looks at you and you, they see you and they like you You're validated Okay, when someone looks at you and they don't see that shit Like if you like somebody and they're kind of like standoffish or like they're not like as

Intuit as you are that means they don't see your value or your worth and you will start to subconsciously Try to make them see your worth and prove that you're worthy of their appreciation and love and Attention and the way you're gonna do this because this is all subconscious like I said you're not gonna be aware of it you're gonna start over Thinking every text you send you're gonna try and put your best foot forward, you're gonna try and be on tip top of your fucking game. Like if someone likes you right off the bat, there's a little bit of pressure. But when you have someone

that you like that's not really feeling you that much like they're kind of interested but they're not like acting like your God's gift to earth, you're gonna start over analyzing and putting so much energy into everything that you do. And this is hard for someone like me because if someone doesn't act like I'm God's gift to earth, I get fucking upset. Okay, but when someone does act like I'm God's gift to earth and they be like blowing smoke up my ass, I get anxious. I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, don't let, don't start liking them because this is gonna stop one day like I see you love bombing me bitch like I know like I'll be damned if you're gonna start being nice to me and

Get me attached to you and then all of a sudden you're gonna stop being nice because I hit you that fucking shit hurts my feelings Like I don't like that. So I'm in the type boat where I'm damned if you do damned if you don't But I'm talking about people that are not as like fucked up in the head as I am. But yes, whenever you meet someone and they're like you're right off the bat, it's boring. You got what you wanted. It's instant validation, they see your worth, they see your value, they're interested in you. If they pursue it, great. But it gets boring, okay?

And what I mean by boring is like it gets like normal or like air quote healthy and The reason that the people that treat you badly or act like you aren't shit are so Much more exciting and fun is because it's like an addiction pattern So if you want to look it up, it's called intermittent reinforcement. I'm helping put to words What's happening in the back of your head so you can become aware of it So when someone doesn't see your value You're subconsciously gonna start trying to prove it to them, okay? So what you're gonna be trying to do is gain their approval and then every little thing that they do every little like

Little what is it called every little bread crumb they give you you're gonna like eat it up You're gonna get like a dopamine hit so anytime they give you a compliment You're gonna get like a hit a dopamine anytime they respond to your get like a dopamine hit. So anytime they give you a compliment, you're gonna get like a hit of dopamine. Anytime they respond to your text, hit a dopamine. Anytime they make any kind of effort to talk to you or they are talking to you, you're gonna feel so good while you're talking to them because you're getting dopamine.

You're being accepted. But yes, you're not gonna know why talking to this person feels so good. You're just gonna know that you can't stop thinking about them and all you wanna do is talk to them. And when you're not talking to them, you're like trying to think of shit to message them. It's because you want dopamine, not them.

Most of the time, most of the time, you're just seeking like the golden nugget that you get from getting their approval. But I don't want to get into too much of the explanation of intermittent reinforcement. You can look that up. So the whole thing about about not liking people back, it's a game, it's a twisted fucked up game, and it sucks. Okay, everyone says we don't like games, grow where we play in them.

We play this shit out of them. Every single one of us, so stop lying, accept it and play the game. And choosing to not play the game is playing the game. You just don't realize it. So yes, converting someone to like you is so much more exciting. You get excited by The act of it, but you think it's about the person. You think this person is what you're excited by you think this person

Is what you feel all these great feelings for when it's the process and it's the whole Making someone see your value. That's it This also explains the little phenomenon that goes on when you want someone and you've wanted them for so long and you keep having to work for them and work toward them. Whatever it is, once you finally get them, you don't want them anymore because this dopamine chase is gone. I did need to go into explain a little bit about what happens when you like someone or they don't like you because when you flip it you understand why you don't like that person.

So the person that you have like a tiny bit of interest in or you could be interested in, when they start looking for your approval they're going to be messaging you more. They're going to feel very forced. They're not going to feel relaxed. They're gonna feel very forced. They're not gonna feel relaxed They're gonna feel like they're trying to earn your approval and some people are too ego driven and they like try to play it Backwards like I'm gonna pretend like I don't like you. I'm gonna ignore you. I'm gonna this. I'm gonna that That's just gonna put you off Well, it puts me off But anyway, the person that you kind of like is gonna start coming with you, like coming at you with too much energy.

They're gonna be trying to gain your fucking approval. They're not gonna give you a chance to miss them, okay? So they're gonna always be texting you first. When you're not talking, they're gonna be sending you a fucking meme. They're gonna be sending you shit. They're never gonna allow time for an absence of their presence. So you're not gonna be able to think of them on your own.

And that time of not having that person talking to you gives you the chance to talk to them, to reach out to them. Like if you don't talk to them for a day or a couple of hours, whatever it is, you start thinking about them. If you enjoyed the conversation or you had interest in them, you'll want to message them. But if they're constantly messaging you, you will never get to the part where you're like, okay, I want to message them. But if they're constantly messaging you, you will never get to the part where you're like,

okay, I want to message them. People need to decide it for theirself. So get out of people's fucking face that you like. I know it sucks and it's so hard because I just explained when you're not talking to that person that you like, you're gonna be anxious, you're just gonna wanna talk to them, you're gonna, like, your brain

is gonna be flooded with thoughts of them. You're gonna be looking at their pictures, you're gonna look and see if they're online, you're gonna look and, you're just gonna wanna talk to them, you're gonna, like, your brain is gonna be flooded with thoughts of them, you're gonna be looking at their pictures, you're gonna look and see if they're online, you're gonna look and see if they ignore you. Like, there's so many things that goes into it. So, like, in order to get rid of that anxiety, you'll keep messaging them. Now, flip it.

When you're the person that's constantly getting messaged, when what you need is to be able to decide if you like this person, and to ping pong the energy back and forth, it's off-putting. Like you, people want to put effort into things. You have to give people a chance to reciprocate the effort because people don't care about things that they don't put energy into. They're easily just able to block you or go shoot or get rid of you.

You need to give them a chance to put effort into you. I'm not teaching you this to help you manipulate, but do with this information what you will. Be responsible, God damn it. You're responsible for your own fucking actions, okay? So don't try and come at me when everything falls apart or you have a stalker because I've had a few. Get motherfuckers addicted to you. You gotta be careful with that.

But yes, the reason you don't like people that like you is because you don't have that space. They don't give you the opportunity to put energy into them or into the relationship or into the conversation. If they're constantly the ones lighting it up, it's like, like you're kind of like indifferent and you'll get bored of it very fast and it's understandable. It's totally understandable because all of these things are basic humans likeology. Okay, so my next theory has to do kind of with imposter syndrome and that's where someone likes you but you know you are

putting on a facade. Okay, so if you're not being your authentic self, if you're faking it, if you're just kind of being what everybody else wants you to be or you're being what's cool in society, you're gonna be scared to like people that like you because you know whether consciously or unconsciously the image that you're portraying is what they like. They don't like what's under your mask. So you're gonna feel scared to like them. You might not know why, but you've got a fear of abandonment because it's like you're trying to sell somebody a car, okay? It's like you're a blue car and you painted

yourself red and someone goes to the lot and they want a red car. They buy you, okay? You're the red car and then when they take you home, it rains. And all your fucking red paint comes off and they see that you're blue. They're gonna walk out and be like, what the fuck, I wanted a red car, not a fucking blue car, and they're gonna try and take you back to do a shit. That's a funny ass analogy, but it's the truth. So that's my second theory is one of Imposter Syndrome,

like you kind of know it's like self-fulfilling prophecy. You know how it's going to end. You are anxious and you know it ain't really you that they like and you're going to be scared to open up and you can't keep a facade going forever. It's exhausting. But a lot of people don't even understand that they're putting on a facade, but they subconsciously know it. So they will feel a push away when people

try to get close because in somewhere in their mind, they know they aren't being the true them. And that's very prevalent with social media today. If someone meets you on social media and they start DMing you, like if you have this whole different person portrayed on your fucking Instagram, you're not as cool as you seem You're not as fucking skinny as you seem of course you're gonna be scared to like talk to them Yeah, you're gonna be excited to talk to them. Oh my god. This hot person likes me Ooh, you're gonna get like all giddy and happy But you're gonna be like ah fuck

Because you like don't want to like them because you know that ain't you the person that you're portraying ain't you It's you, but it's not the real you. So that's just another one of my theories. And that almost quick and short needs to explain. My next one's not. Okay, so the next example I realized yesterday, actually, with my therapist, on why you don't like certain people or why you might be hesitant to letting in love. So if someone is trying to come forward at you with all of this loving energy and this appreciation and they see your value,

some people, myself included, are not comfortable receiving that. And one of the reasons is because we look at the person and if they're not up to certain standards, we won't trust it. We will be scared to let it in because it feels toxic, okay? And what I mean by that, when I say we look at the person, if someone is coming to you because they like you and they're feeding you all these compliments and they're trying to put energy and effort into you, but if you look at them in their relationship with theirself, if they have no sense of self, if they don't have boundaries, that's scary to let in. If they don't value and like respect the way that they feel and they don't care the way that they feel, that's a red flag. If they don't stand up for theirself, that's a red flag.

If they don't even consider their self, their physical well-being, their safety, their feelings, their boundaries, how the fuck are you going to be able to consider mine? How are you going to be able to respect me if you don't respect yourself? How are you going to be able to stand up for me when I need you if you don't even stand up for yourself if you're too fucking weak to do that? If someone doesn't take their needs and make them important to them and make sure that they get met, they take control of their life and they make sure that they get what they want and they make sure that their needs are met.

If someone doesn't show that, of course you're not going to like them because when you get into a relationship, you don't want to get into a relationship with someone that disregards their own needs because they'll do it to you. If they don't know how to care for theirself and make sure their own needs get met, how are they supposed to consider yours? How are they supposed to make sure your needs get met? That's where you're going to be in a relationship where you're emotionally on your fucking own. You're going to have to meet all your own needs and theirs. And that's off-putting. That is something subconscious that I have not realized before.

Like I said, I realized it yesterday, talking to my therapist about it, and she read me to fucking filth. But this is a huge thing. I always wondered why I was so like off, like what is it called, unsettled off-put? Like love is so off-putting to me. Like it feels toxic to let it in.

Like I don't like that shit because people's definition of love is not my definition of love a lot of people have a toxic and fucked up version of love And I can see that so when someone's version of love does not match mine. I don't want it I don't want to accept it. I don't want it near me because I know what it comes with but like I said this is a very deep Side of this and the just the initial off-putting part of it about someone not being able to stand up for themselves, someone not having self-discipline, someone not being truthful and honest and authentic,

if someone lies and they don't seem like secure with their self, they'll manipulate. And that's scary for someone who's experienced something like that before. So you might just be noticing these things subconsciously in someone and that might be what's preventing you from liking them. Like you can see someone on paper and logically it makes so much fucking sense why you should like them and they're hot and they have every Everything that you should like you should want. Everything you should want is there. All the boxes are checked and it makes so much sense logically why you should want them. If you don't want them, there's a reason. Don't try to force it.

Try to understand it. Okay? Try to understand yourself and get to the bottom of that shit because you cannot force yourself to like something you do not like. That's just the way it fucking is. So if you don't like something, you have to accept that you don't like it. You can beat yourself up all day, you can shame yourself, you can get yourself an egg and a fucking work.

Sorry babe. And that's really damaging to yourself and your relationship with yourself. So don't do that. So you just have to accept, like if you don't like them, that's okay. There's nothing wrong with you because you don't like this logically perfect person. You're subconscious. It's picking up on shit that you're not. I really want to do an entire episode about why nice guys finish last or like the nice girls because it can go for any relationship, any dynamic.

Why the nice one? Never gets picked. Like if you're one of the people that's like, oh my god, I'm such a good person and nobody wants me, I can tell you exactly why. You're not gonna fucking like it and that one will probably get me like a lot of one-star ratings. But it's gonna be the truth and you have to be able to hear the truth and accept it so that you can change it if you want different results.

Because if you keep trying to do the same shit, you're gonna still keep not getting picked, babe. All right, guys, that's it for episode two. I hope you liked it. I hope you got something from it. If you want me to talk about anything specific, you can message me on any of my social media. I assume you found this podcast through my social media.

So just message me on there. You can also leave a review of this podcast, preferably five stars. Pretty pleased. And you can leave a little description this podcast, preferably five stars. Pretty pleased. And you can leave a little description, like a little comment and just comment whatever topic you want me to talk about. And I'll see what I can do. So thank you for listening.

Hope you enjoyed. And you'll hear from me again next week.