Aware & Aggravated - 3. My Awakening at EDC

Episode Date: November 21, 2021

Opening up about my experience at EDC and sharing a universal truth about humans I learned during my trip ;) Watch the Podcast on YouTube!https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtgs8c2Z_97gA_1TkJos18w/videosBook a 1-on-1 call with me 👇🏻https://leoskepicoaching.com/client-applicationSupport the podcast with a donation : https://www.zeffy.com/en-US/donation-form/46556b98-73da-47be-a3bd-a5646af9f8c5Instagram: @theleoskepiPodcast Instagram: @awareandaggravated TikTok accounts: @LeoSkepi@NotLeoForLegalReasons My app Positive Focus:Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp 

Hi everyone, I'm fresh off of bawling my fucking eyes out. I finally stopped because I turned off Rufus Dusol. I just had him in the background just like serenading me and all my Pisces placement just crying my fucking eyes out. But I just had a really good conversation with my dad who I never really talk deep to, you know dads, you just don't fucking get into certain shit. I want to share something that he told me and and then we're going to get into my whole EDC trip because bitch, you got to fucking buckle your seat belt for that one because there was a lot of realizations that came from EDC.

It's my first raid, my first festival, we're going to get all into that. So the biggest thing that made me fucking boo-hoo like a toddler, he told me if everything went bad and the world was ending and he had to walk through shit with somebody, he would choose me. And that like meant so much to me. I didn't think that he had ever seen me for me. And I've been really struggling with believing that people see my value. You know, like I've been struggling with feeling useful to others and like worth a fuck really. So that just like validated the absolute fuck out of everything I've been insecure about

and it made me feel really really good and I booed like a little bitch about it. Because I think it was like really deep. And I'm gonna flip this into something that everybody can learn from. So you just gotta look through life and find the person that you would walk through shit with. Or find the person that would wanna walk through shit with you. Because that's the person that's gonna see you

and see you fully and appreciate you fully and see your strengths and your weaknesses and not be scared by your weaknesses They're gonna see your strengths and be like yes This is someone that I want with me because I'm sure there's other people that look at me and it's like you I would never like Wanna like Leo would not I don't know who the fuck would look at me and think Leo's not the person I would call if I needed help. But I'm sure there are people out there that think that, that don't know me. But the people that do know me know I'm the motherfucker to call. And it's just a matter of finding the people that know you're the one to call.

You're capable of meeting needs for people. You're important to people. You just have to find the people you're important to. You have to find the people with the needs that you meet And the people that can realize your value and that also ties into like it takes someone of value to realize someone else's value But we could do a whole fucking like episode on value because shit that's I don't want to cry no mom. All right So another thing my dad said to me is he knows in his heart that I'm gonna be successful

And I feel like he's been watching me struggle so much and especially with this app This fucking goddamn app that I'm so frustrated with right now but I've put so much time and money and effort into it and I'm in the middle of making really big changes to it, and it's taking up a lot of my fucking time. And for him to like see that I'm struggling, and say he believes in me, like, God, like it just felt so good.

All the feel good feelings, bitch, like, oh my God, they were hitting me. Because I feel like I'm gonna be successful. I just feel it in me. I'm gonna be successful. I just feel it in me. I'm gonna be successful and it's such a mind fuck and it's such a battle with myself. When I feel it I feel that I'm meant to be successful and to do something big and to help people and like do some like leo type shit and It's not happening on the outside like when you feel something internally and it's not happening on the outside like when you feel something internally

and it's not reflecting externally it's the biggest fucking gaslight in my opinion like my career my life is gaslighting me that's how it fucking feels but him saying that just made me feel like okay someone else sees it someone else feels what I feel it just felt really good some more of a story Validate people mother fucking see people voice your appreciation of them to them like say this shit out loud because I was on the verge of goddamn Losing it today and like him saying that really just like Turned it around for me so you never know when someone struggling because I don't let people know Turned it around for me so you never know when someone struggling because I don't let people know So please if you feel drawn to like tell somebody how great they are tell them

Because you never know Okay, now let's get into EDC because this was some shit. All right, like it was the best time of my life I didn't even know what to expect and it was better than my wildest dreams That's the only way I can describe it. Sorry, that's all. It's all I got for you. No, it was my first festival, like I said. It was my first rave of any kind. I've recently gotten into EDM music and that shit rocked my socks off. The people I went with were like friends, but like they were like acquaintance-y friends. Like we were, we weren't close, but like we was like acquaintance-y friends like we were we weren't close but like we was friends I don't know how to explain it we

were like going out friends and like spending the weekend with those friends made us tight and I feel like I am bonded to them and if they don't feel the same way that's a problem because I get attached to people and if you don't get attached to me back I'm pissed off but I was attached to people and if you don't get attached to me back, I'm pissed off But I was introduced to two other friends through my other friends that I went with and these two bitches are like Oh my god, like we're all besties for the rest of you now Like I swear to God the way that this group clicked it could not have gone any better Everybody was so fucking cute. Everybody was self-sufficient. Everybody was like mature. And what I mean by mature is like, we can handle our fucking self. I know I sound like

I'm wheezing. I've been sick. Leave me alone. But the podcast needs to be done, bitch. I committed to Sundays. So here we go. I just needed to express my gratitude for this fucking group and this whole experience before I get into telling you my realizations that I had. Okay, so I in the Wise Words Aloneda Ray was pushing past the limits, tripping on hallucinogenics for three days straight, and you're bound to have some motherfucking realizations

because your brain and your soul be like butt fucking, and you're like getting downloads from the universe and all the things. I mean you might be just making shit up because some things are a little like me but I realized the whole bunch my spiritual ass was eating it up. Let's start off with the first day. So the set that we were seeing was said the sky but say my name came on right before them so they did their set and then say my name came on and when I tell you I mother fucking boo-cood ugly cried for I shit you not an hour it was like half of each set I was fucking rubber band mouth fucking like ugly fucking crying in the crowd but I didn't let that stop me I was fucking rubber band mouth fucking like ugly fucking crying in the crowd

But I didn't let that stop me. I was still singing. I was still fist bumping I was still dancing give a fuck what I look like bitch. Don't look at me I was having a time in my life It just felt so good to let it out like I just let that shit out and I let the tears fall and it was just a great Beautiful moment for me. Okay, so the realization that triggered me to cry. There was two things kind of. So like, the first part that triggered me to start crying initially was my own personal shit. I'm not gonna tell nobody. All right, leave me alone.

You could you like crying for an hour? Like I said, like that's excessive, you know? Like what the fuck were you crying for an hour, T.D. baby? So I started crying because of the first thing. And then like I guess being in the emotionally receptive state I was in, the universe threw me a fucking realization. And that's what made me cry for another like 30 minutes. We're gonna start real broad. Okay, so I realized the motive behind every action a human being takes is simply to feel better.

Now, don't fight me on that because I know how you girls like the tussle about your technicalities. Shut the fuck up and just take that in per second. If you look at every single action a human being takes, we take it to feel better. At the base, any fucking action, we think it's gonna make us feel better. So I had this overwhelming sense, like looking out in this crowd of people, 300,000 people were at this fucking rave, dude. I don't even know that many people exist. Like I see it on social media, I see the numbers, but like I don't realize that's like a thing.

Like I was like, this is the whole United States here. I don't understand numbers in population or geography, but that's separate. But to see all these people like in one play, like that many human beings, damn, y'all. So like I look, I was looking out backwards like in the crowd because we were kind of close to the stage. And people were like, it would go back as far as I could see

I'm tall y'all so I could see like real far and I could see Back to a certain extent and I thought the people ended but I just couldn't see past it So my ugly ass is sitting here thinking oh this is just how many people is at this one stage? No because I saw an aerial birds eye view on the Instagram of EDC later on Bitch when I tell you there was so many fucking people if I would have known there was that many people there While I was there I had a panic attack and died right there on a spot because it was literally a sea of people like once I realized Oh my god, I wouldn't have been able to move once I see the amount of people. Like once I realized, oh my god, I wouldn't have been able to move. Once I see the amount of people there, I would have lost my shit. But anyway, back to the realization, headass, why you getting all off topic? So I look back in the crowd of people, and I just start seeing all these

just genuine little like kids, like little souls, like just little innocent little like people, like everybody's motive is just to feel better. And it's like, I know people do fucked up shit, and there's no excuse for it, but like the intention for everybody is so pure. Like everybody just wants to feel better, and it like immediately in that moment all my judgment of people was like lifted off of me. And I can explain it like it lifted off because that's how it felt. It's like everything just like lifted up. And the whole crowd was like bare, not naked. But like everybody's facade and everybody's bullshit

and everybody's like way they wanna be perceived and everything was like lifted off. And it's like you could see the true Intention of everybody was just to be loved and accepted and to feel better Because everybody at that rave is looking to escape their fucking life and go have fun Why were we at the rave to feel better? Like just seeing everyone so genuine and like pure and feel better. Like just seeing everyone so genuine and like pure and everybody's motives were just there like in front of me it was the coolest fucking thing to experience and it was just so nice and it was such a relief because I instantly

felt connected to every single human being there. And then I started thinking about every other human being in the world and I was like nope too much we're just gonna reel it in and we're just gonna focus on this world. And I was like, no, too much. We're just gonna reel it in. And we're just gonna focus on this crowd. So I was like, I felt connected to everybody because I can relate to that. We're all doing the same shit. Okay, so now let's get a little bit deeper. When it comes to the judgments that I said were lifted,

they were lifted because I realized every single person is lost. Every single person, if our motive is just to feel better, everybody is doing what they think will make them feel better because nobody actually fucking knows. So for example, we see shit on social media. We see someone that is successful and they're rich, okay? And they seem happy.

They paint the image that they're happy. So we look at that and we're like, oh my god, so being rich is what's going to make us happy. I mean, bitch, it sure is fuck will. It sure is fuck would me. So I don't know why I'm talking about this, but just my example that I just popped in my head. We see someone portray the image that money is what made them happy. So now we all start looking to achieve this. We're like, oh my God, they found the secret. Oh my God, that's going to make me feel better. I need to do that.

I need to find that. I need to make that. I need to figure out how to do that because that's going to make me happy. And then people start trying to do that. But it's not just about money. It's about everything. Anything that we see make someone else happy, we subconsciously are like, oh my God, you get excited, you want to do that, you want to try that. Now, your beliefs and shit could hold you back from that. You might have negative associations with

certain things that could hold you back, sure, but entertain the idea for two seconds. That we are all just lost little children running around trying to fucking feel better. None of us know what to do. None of us have it figured out. We are all just trying and modeling after each other. How to get it. But the thing is every single person is different. We all have different wants and needs. So happiness looks different for all of us because going to a rave made me happy as a motherfucker. Somebody else would have a goddamn anxiety attack and would have lost their shit. And there was such a relief that came with that. Like once I realized nobody has it figured out. Like we're all just trying our best.

We all have the same little intention and it's so cute and it's so sweet, our little intention. I'm like, I just want to feel better. And that's just what it is. And we're all just trying to achieve that in some way or another. And then you start looking at the ways people do that and you realize, well, you can't blame them.

Like, that's all they were taught. That's what they were shown was happiness. Like, I thought for a long time, designer clothes and expensive shit would make you happy because that's what I saw on social media and that's what the people around me thought too. So, why would I not mirror that? If you're told this is what should do it,

oh fuck it, I'll try it. And then some people don't ever make it out of their Kobe mechanism. Some people don't ever make it out or realize that what they're trying to do to gain happiness is not actually it. They just keep going for more and more and more. I luckily woke up and I am gonna do an entire episode about designer clothing and buying expensive shit

because that is something I never thought I would have been able to break out of and I broke the fuck out of it. So that's gonna be its own thing but that was just the example. So I saw some guy at the rave in a full Prada outfit. Like it was like an astronaut fit. It was silver. Like it was sick as fuck, but like I was looking at him and I was like, oh my god, like he looks good, like he looks cute. And like he had the perfect hair, the perfect teeth, the perfect skin. I was like, God damn. So I went up to him and I was like, yo, I was like, you look so fucking good. I was like, is that a full Prada fit? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, damn, I was like, you balls of your shit wearing that. And here I was like is that a full product fit? And he was like yeah. And I was like damn, I was like you balls of your shit wearing that in here.

I was like you look good though, keep doing it. And then I walked off, I kept doing my thing. I just, I like to drop compliments and leave. You know, Marlotte complimented them as I'm walking by. So there's no chance for it to be awkward. I don't need a response. I don't need to thank you. Like I just want to appreciate you out loud

unless you look fucking good as I'm making my way by. But the reason I'm using this boy as my example in the Prodifit is because some people look at other people in designer clothes and think, oh my god, what a fucking stuck-up asshole, what a waste of fucking money, what a loser, how out of touch can you be? Like people have really harsh judgments of people in designer clothing. I used to be one of the people in designer clothing, so I know how they get judged.

But the point of me using the boy in the product fit as an example is because with this realization I had, I saw the intention. His intention with wearing these clothes was to make him feel better Whatever reason it may be to prove his importance to make him feel more confident Whatever he thought it was gonna do. He thought it was gonna make him feel better I used to be the same way, but I'm somebody now that I look at people that are fully perfect hair

Perfect skin perfect nails perfect shoes perfect outfit everything's expensive, how stiff they are, and how uncomfortable they are. You're in your head the entire time, you don't want to ruin your shit. How do I look? Are people looking at me? Oh my god, like you're in your head the whole time, and it kind of pulls you out of whatever experience you're having when you're worried about fucking up your outfit, or fucking up your your hair or making sure your makeup looks okay. Like these people are putting theirself through this because they think it's what will make them happy. Social media paints the fucking picture of you need to fucking have perfect hair, perfect

outfit, perfect nails. You're supposed to have all this shit and look together and perfect at every moment and there is no room for error So these people try to mirror that and they try to be the ST expectation They hope for theirself so being out in public When this boy and his fucking outfit with his perfect makeup and his hair and his product outfit Yeah, he's uncomfortable. It's absolute fuck. He is so uncomfortable and you can see it He's worried about who's looking to him. He's making sure his outfit's okay and no one's spilled anything on it or he didn't rip it or he didn't fuck up his

fucking $5,000 outfit. However much it was but it probably was like around 5 grand because he had the little necklace too. But him dressing like this and wearing this is because he thinks it will make him feel better. He thinks enduring being uncomfortable will make him feel better. So some people that are jealous or mad or whatever it may be, they're looking at him and judging him like he's a fucking stuck up asshole when in reality, he's just trying to feel better. And once you see that intention, once you're aware of everyone's intention is just to feel better, the judgment falls away. It like dissolves. You realize that you can kind of see through it.

It becomes transparent. That's the fucking word. Like you can see through and like peek behind the curtain into everyone and it's sad when you start to wake up and you see people still doing this shit because I was this motherfucker for so many years. I was him. I was these people that were trying to be perfect

and dress in nice clothes and nice shit just so I can feel worth a fuck. But like with that situation, if that's what they've been told, how would they know any different? How would they know to not seek designer clothing? That's what they've been told. Like why would they, you not seek designer clothing? That's what they've been told. Like, why would they, you know what I mean?

Like, expecting someone to know the fucking answer is ridiculous. So you can't really judge them for how they try and find their happiness. And a lot of the times with people that are really successful, a lot of people judge them and think they're stuck up in their assholes and they think they're better than everyone. Half of them are not. Half of them are so cripplingly insecure and think they're stuck up in their assholes and they think they're better than everyone. Half of them are not, half of them are so cripplingly insecure

that you have no fucking clue. Some of them are fucking obnoxious assholes, I get it. But like, you really never know. But even the intention behind them is just to try and feel better too. But they're just the ones that are loudly trying to voice their worth and put it in your face when they're bragging.

But the ones that are quietly wearing like, designer shit are like, look, I promise I'm important. And I'm not making fun of these people by any means because I get it. I'm just trying to share that the intention behind everyone is just to feel better. Okay, to take it one step deeper. So everybody's intention is to feel better, right? We covered that. No one knows the fucking answer, but we're all seeking the experience of feeling better. So what does that mean? This is step three, bitch, you can't fucking get it wrong. Huh?

Like that's the third realization. You cannot get this life wrong. Every single person's experience and definition of what happy is for them is different. No one fucking knows what you're meant to do. There is no cheat sheet. There is no nothing. Your life is to experience your version of happy. So let's say you try 50 different things and they're not it. Okay, that ain't it. Now you're 50 steps closer in the right direction of what is going to make you happy. You learn by contrast sometimes when you experience something you don't like, you find something you do like, you just flip it. But that was such a huge relief for me is to realize you can't fuck up, you can't

get it wrong. No one's definition of happiness is wrong. If it works for them, it's theirs. They can have that. If something makes someone feel better, that's theirs. And there is no one thing you're meant to find. I don't believe that there's one thing like this whole idea of fucking soulmates and shit eat my ass. Okay, what kind of sick fucking game is that? We're gonna throw two people on earth, make them be soulmates, but we're not gonna put them near each other, they're just gonna have to figure it out and find

each other. And if they don't find each other, oh, they die. Shut the fuck up, leave me alone with that, okay? The same thing with like desire and trying to feel better, I don't think there's just one way to do it for every person, I think every person has their own ways of doing it. You just have to experience things and find them. And I think they're always gonna change. So it's not like, oh, you're working toward this one goal. You find it and you're done, you win, you beat life. Like, they're always changing

because you're always becoming aware of new things. And once you have a desire for something and you reach it, you're gonna get a desire for something else. And then you get to follow that. Like it's a never ending search of feeling better and feeling better and feeling better and it will happen. And everything you experience is to lead you into the direction of what's going to make

you feel better. You have new awareness of what's going to make you feel better than you currently do. Like that one blew my fucking brain apart. Your life is about discovering yourself. Discovering what makes you happy and makes you feel better. And if you know something you don't like, you know a fucking direction not to go. I know it sounds so simple and I'm making it seem like it is simple, but it is simple. I'm someone that over thinks everything. I you can tell if you've made it this far in this podcast or if you listened to

any of my other episodes, I'd be overthinking the fuck out of everything you could put in front of me. And that really bites me in the ass sometimes because when things are simple, I don't think that they're just simple. Like I will over-analyze it and make it difficult. Like just let it be simple. You know, I can't do that though. But this is one of the things I do just have to let be simple and accept for what it is. And it's that you can't get this life wrong. And the intention of every single person is just to feel better.

So stop fucking judging everybody so God damn hard y'all. I highly recommend going to EDC. I will be going every year now. Like I went once and I'm addicted. I only talked about in this episode the realizations I had and how like great they were. Those were just a speck of what made my experience so great. The everything about EDC was great. Like I can't, what the fuck other word is there besides great?

Where's my synonyms? Where's my motherfucking Thessiris? I need to look some shit up. I need to find another word besides great. But there's no word to really encapsulate what that whole experience was for me. But every element of it, there was so much more to it than just, oh, you fucking tripped and had realizations like no, bitch. There was so much more to it, the people that I met, like how fucking full my heart was, my whole perception of myself has changed my whole perception of my body, my opinion of my body, the way that I look at myself, it's all changed.

I feel like I saw myself for the first time. Girl, that's not romantic, but it's the fucking truth, okay? So my recommendation is save whatever money you have to save, go do what you gotta do, get your ass to an EDC if it ever comes near you or fucking go bitch because we had to drive six hours. Like literally go, I will be going every year for the rest of my life. I will be that old 60 year old man that is still out raving like a motherfucker, watch me. Like that experience was just so unforgettable and life changing for so many reasons and the realizations were just one. So if you ever get the opportunity to go, go, go live it up, go have fun, go enjoy your

fucking life and find out makes you feel better. It might just be EDC because bitch it sure shit was for me. Alright, I will talk to you guys in episode four next week. See you later. guys in episode four next week. See you later.