Aware & Aggravated - 3. Reset Your Fear Of Being Judged Without Anything Else Bad Happening

Episode Date: September 7, 2024

This episode is how to actually release your fear of judgement.    Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   Merch: https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/   My App Positive Focus: (Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 (Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1   FaceBook Support Community:  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw   Business Inquiries: [e-mail] 

All right. Are we ready for this one? Let's reset your fear of being judged. Oh, this is going to be a lot. I'm so excited. I've got my notes over here sitting in front of me, but I really just want to start this episode swinging. So let's just go for it. The only reason you have fear around being judged by others is because you're assuming there will only be a negative judgment. The truth is you never know what someone is actually thinking about you. It's the same reason people are scared of the dark. The dark itself is not scary. People are scared of what they assume is in the dark. If you think there's scary ghosts in the dark, you're going to be scared of the dark.

Same thing with judgment. If you assume people are only looking at you to judge you negatively, of course you're going to be scared of it. Of course you're not going to want it, but it's an unknown. People are not always looking at you to judge you harshly and judge you negatively, but just opening up to that perspective that both exist already brings relief, but we're not gonna stop there, we gotta keep going.

I have a lot of points to get through. And I do wanna touch on why people start to assume judgment is only negative and being around people, they are only looking at you negatively. A lot of people grow up with parents who nitpick them and only ever see what is wrong. So from a young age, you're used to walking in somewhere and having the one defect or the one flaw pointed out.

People seem to only be looking at you to judge you and to make fun of you, or they find the one thing wrong. Like you come out in a perfect outfit, you did your hair, right? This doesn't apply to me. I don't have hair. When I did have hair, I do my hair real nice, have a nice outfit, make sure my jewelry is clean. And someone would comment about a pimple on my face. They wouldn't see anything else. They would only see the pimple. They would only see the negative thing. And that kind of trains you to think that all people are like that.

When you experience it enough, it fucks you up enough where you don't have any experience of people seeing the positive about you or seeing the good things and talking about that. You're used to people only seeing what's wrong, what's bad, and judging it negatively. So your brain starts to think, being perceived by anyone outside of yourself is going to be a negative judgment. If you relate to that kind of experience, even a little bit, there's a lot of unprogramming you have to do.

There's a lot of resetting you have to do with understanding judgment is not always bad. You just have an experience of that, but the other experience is there and it's waiting for you. And I want to give you a little bit of proof and a couple of examples to help you ease your anxiety and ease into this new way of being, because you have to lead through life with a different assumption. So a couple of examples I have. The first one is eating alone at a restaurant. A lot of people get so in their head,

I used to do it about going to a restaurant and eating alone. They are so scared of other people judging them for eating out at a restaurant by themselves. So that is one reality where people are looking at you like you're a fucking loser and you're weird and you're by yourself. Some people be like, Oh, that's sad. They're by theirself. Like they're looking at you to like pity you. Some people are looking at you to judge you. That absolutely is a reality. Some people are looking at you like that, but the flip of it is what I used to do when I would see people

eating out by themselves. I used to admire them. I was like, damn, they got balls. I wish I was that competent where I could go out by myself and eat dinner alone. Ah, like I was literally so gagged over it. And I was looking at people to admire them and to kind of like take notes. I'm like, how the hell are they doing that? Like, it's like they have a superpower. Like some people are judging you like an asshole.

And then some people have the perspective that I'm looking at you from of being enamored and being like, Oh my God, like I wish I was that confident. So some people will be in their head in a restaurant, be worried that people are judging them and thinking that they're a loser being by themselves when both are probably happening. Neither are probably happening. No one really gives a shit. But that's one thing I can give you to help you when you're in a situation like that to flip it.

So next time you go out to eat by yourself and you notice your brain start catastrophizing and worrying about other people looking at you like you're a loser, remind yourself, you don't know what they're thinking. You don't know what anyone is thinking. So ease your mind yourself. This is the way to do it and understand some people might be looking at you like you're a loser. Other people might be looking at you in awe. Like, wow, I wish I was able to do that. They don't know you falling apart inside, or you're freaking out, you have an anxiety attack. But I just want to open you up to the perspective of both experiences can

happen. Another little example is like, let's say you go to a party and you're worried when you walk in about your outfit, you're like, Oh, like it's not as expensive as everybody else is, or it doesn't look put together or I'm overdressed or underdressed or whatever. You could be in your head assuming people are looking at you and judging your outfit. That's a possibility. Some people also could be looking at you and being like, Oh damn, I like her outfit. They could be thinking that in their head. They could be like,

Oh, I like his outfit. I like her outfit. I like their outfit. Whatever you want to go by. I don't give a shit. My nice example is a little bit meaner, but these little stupid examples are cute and they're very comforting. Once you have that kind of tool in your kit to reassure yourself mentally of like, okay, I know I'm freaking out right now thinking that people are judging the way that I'm dressed, but I don't know if they really are.

So reminding yourself people also could be appreciating the way that you look. Both exist and it's going to make you feel better. Now let me get into the mean example for people who are so worried about being judged and not being liked. I know every single one of you watching this knows one example of someone I'm talking about. There are influencers or not even influencers. There's people who are online who are absolutely cringe as shit.

You look at them like so see-through, so transparent, they're try hard, they're cringy, whatever it is. You do not like their content. You are embarrassed for them. But they have millions of followers. We all know somebody like that. We look at them online like cringe. Some people look at me like that,

and they're like, this guy's fucking cringe. Why has he got so many followers? I don't get it. Let that be a testament to, even as weird as some of these fucking people are, they still have hundreds of thousands, sometimes millions of people, who like them and support them.

So just how there are people like us who judge these motherfuckers negatively, there are people who love them. The same thing can happen to you, the same thing can apply to you. So it doesn't matter how cringy it seems or how in your head you are about it. There are people you can look at all the time on your phone who will give you that real life experience of this thing Can be judged either way. I'm judging it negatively, but it doesn't mean it's all negative and it's only negative There are people who appreciate whatever this person is you're looking at comparing to it's key

To give yourself that example and to see it and show it to yourself Go look at the numbers of this cringy fuck you keep coming across and see, there are both judgments always. You can be having a negative one and millions of people love the person that you don't like. It exists. And that's key for you to understand and get to help you with your own fear of judgment. This is something I really need to say, cause it's something that I wish I

heard a lot sooner around the fear of being judged. Like this crippling anxiety, this not wanting to leave the house type anxiety where it's like, I just don't want to be in public. I don't want to go out. I don't want to be around nobody. I want everybody to leave me alone. So I don't have to deal with no shit. This fear of judgment you have is not your fault. This thing that you feel like is ruining you and debilitating you is not your fault. I promise.

If you knew a way to snap your fingers and get rid of it, you would. Every single human being is biologically wired for acceptance of a social group and society. Literally every single one of us has this concern and this worry. You are going to get a grip on it and it is going to get better. or acceptance of a social group and society. Literally every single one of us has this concern and this worry. You are gonna get a grip on it and it is gonna get better. This episode is here anytime you fucking need it, come back to it.

But every single human being you see, me too, every single one of us, we are all wired for connection and to be approved of by the people around us because you take this back to the old, old days where we're living in the woods and shit and everybody has to kind of fend for themselves. But you come together as a group, for you to be doing something in that group that leads to being rejected.

You are ostracized. You are put out on your own and you're not able to survive on your own. You need the social group to do it. A further example of it, that's still prevalent in today's society is, let's say you have a three-year-old, like a kid, for them to remain alive, they have to get the approval of their caretakers because if they want to eat, if they want to sleep, if they want to be taken care of, they have to not be rejected by their parents.

So they have to do whatever they have to do to be approved of, to literally survive. When I say we're all biologically wired for approval, we are. It's going to feel like hell to go against it. You're going to get better at it. Trust me. But that's one angle where I say your fear of judgment is not your fault. And then you take into account your lived experiences of, like I said in the beginning, if you had parents who nitpick the shit out of you, you have so much experience with only being judged negatively. It compounds itself. Now it is your responsibility to get a grip on it,

understand it and really reset this fear. And that's what I'm hoping this podcast will do. Now let's go one step a little bit further. As human beings, we all make assumptions. Everybody judges everything. Everybody has an assumption. As soon as you lay eyes on something, human beings, we all make assumptions. Everybody judges everything. Everybody has an assumption. As soon as you lay eyes on something, we're all wired also to assume and assess everything going on.

Make a judgment. If you want to take it back biologically, friend or foe, threat or not a threat, you're making assumptions all the time. You're wired for it. Nobody that I know or I've experienced can stop their ability to assess something or to make a judgment of something good or bad. That's something you just got to accept. It sucks. Yeah, it's a bitch. All right. But you can't control people's ability to stop making judgments and making assumptions, but you can control what you're assuming that they're assuming and

they're judging. So you have control over the story you're telling yourself. Like I said with the dark, if you keep telling yourself there's scary shit in the dark, you're gonna be scared of the dark. If you're out in public and nobody's saying anything, but people are walking by you, if you're watching this video, you most likely assume people are looking at you

like you're out of place, like you don't belong, they're judging your outfit, they're judging your weight. You think people are criticizing you and making judgments that are negative. You control your assumption of their assumption. So the same way that you can assume that they're judging you negatively, you can also assume they're judging you positively. That's one big way to catch yourself. And I know I kind of hit on that already, but the main thing to understand about people walking by,

thinking shit about you is it doesn't do anything. For me to walk by you and think you look fucking weird or you look cool, you don't know what I'm thinking and it doesn't impact you. I'm going to walk right on by, you're going to have no clue what's going on. People thinking about you does not do anything. What people are thinking, what people are judging about you doesn't do shit. So why are you freaking out? Why are you in your head over your freaking out? They might think that I look weird. Okay. They're not saying nothing.

They're walking by. Don't let your assumption cause you to have so much anxiety. You ruin the ability to go out in public and not be an anxious wreck. You have to see there is no consequence for people thinking thoughts about you and making assessments about you. So who gives a shit? So unless somebody's saying something, my favorite thing in my head is see something, say something. If I'm worried someone's thinking negatively, I think that thought,

see something, say something. If they're not saying nothing, I'm not bothered. I'm not worried because I don't care what's in your head. I don't care what you're thinking. It does nothing. There's no consequence for you to think a thought about my outfit. I don't know what you're thinking. So that's the whole thing is to understand this is in your head. If there's nothing being said or done, you're tripping yourself out mentally.

And that's how to stop is to realize you're doing it and be like, wait, they could be taking something good. With all that, I want to address the main thing freaking people out so bad. It's the state of society. It's awful. It's pathetic. It's literally state of society. It's awful. It's pathetic. It's literally not going to last like society right now.

Let me not be too mean because I'm about to get really mean with my other examples with things. People make judgments and assessments if you are the same as them or different as them. And if someone judges you as different, there's this extreme sense of like they ostracize you, you are now evil. You are the opposite. You are an oppositional force. They want you away. They want you dead. Like if you have a different opinion nowadays, people think you are evil for it. If you don't think the same as like the main people in society, they want you out. They want damage to be done to

you. So the fear of judgment is a lot more heightened, but the thing to understand is because someone thinks different, looks different or acts different from you. Different does not mean bad. Most people jump straight to bad and they will accuse you as bad because you don't match them. People are always on a lookout for how they're the same or how they're different or what they're different or what they see that's like them and what's not like what they relate to,

what they belong to and what they don't. And there's this extreme polarity of if you're any kind of different, you are evil, wrong, and bad. Do not let that trip you out and also check the way that you do that to other people. Because if you immediately see one thing and ostracize somebody and see that they're a little bit different and you assume that it's bad and you make it mean something is bad, you fuck yourself too.

Because the same way that you're judging people, you walk around thinking people are judging you the exact same way. So it's going to increase your anxiety. So to understand and give people the grace of being different and letting that be fine and not immediately demonizing them will make you feel a lot safer because you kind of give people the grace to be a human and you feel safe to be a human in return. So just because something is different does not mean it is bad or evil or wrong. That's another thing that's going to help you when you're assessing people and you're worried that they're judging you. You see that

they're different from you and you think that they're judging you like you're assessing people and you're worried that they're judging you, you see that they're different from you and you think that they're judging you like you're evil. So you already hit them with that perception and you're like reacting to it and you kind of are an asshole without realizing it. That's just a big thing to become aware of. And I want to reassure you again, different does not mean bad. Everyone's allowed to be different. Everyone's allowed to do whatever the hell they wanna do.

If you don't hurt nobody, who cares? If you wanna go have blue hair, go have it. I don't give a shit, truly. If you wanna go wear silver, go wear it. I like gold. You allowed to like silver. You allowed to be wrong, but you allowed to do what you want.

I'm kidding a little bit, but you get my point. Allow people to do what the hell they wanna do if it's not hurting nobody. If you wanna wear silver, go wear it. You wanna dress in rainbows, wear a tutu, I don't care. Go do it. But the next part about getting rid truly of the fear of being judged is to anchor in to the context

and the intention behind what you're doing. A lot of people make a lot of judgments about a lot of things and they're so dead ass wrong and you trip yourself out about it. Like you should care. If someone expresses an opinion, ask yourself one question, are they missing any context with making that opinion or making that statement or judgment? And the second thing is if they had the missing context, would they have a different opinion? The answer is always a hundred percent of the times. Yes, people make so many judgments and observations and have so many opinions that are so fucking ill-informed

and they look dumb. Like truly if you look at it and you assess people's opinions and you see the amount of context missing, you wipe it out of your head immediately. It doesn't bother you because you see that they're very ill informed and you know, if they had more context, they would think different. They would feel different. So you can kind of give them the grace of their ignorance and politely tell them the fuck off.

But that's a big way to have things not hurt you all the time is taking on people's opinions and accepting them when they're missing context. Check it before it comes in to hit you. And I have a couple of examples personally for things that don't bother me that people talk shit about nonstop. My knuckle tattoos. This is the perfect example. A lot of people make comments all the time that it's ugly that I have knuckle tattoos without sleeves or other tattoos. Like people try and make fun of me all the time on TikTok and on my YouTube comments. They're always like, why the fuck do you have knuckle tattoos? You look stupid. You look dumb. That's weird. That's embarrassing. Back when I got these tattoos, I was not really making money online. I didn't know how to do it. I had a couple of followers, but I didn't have like really shit.

And I started to like catastrophize and I started to get really down. And I started the second guess things. And I was like, should I go back to nursing? Should I go back to a nine to five? Should I go back to just like normal civilization or what? And I got these tattoos as an absolute fuck no, that I cannot give up on myself. I got these tattoos on my knuckles. One, cause I've always wanted them. Two, what they say is a deep meaning for me. That's very personal,

but it's also a commitment and kind of like an added level of difficulty to go back to a normal nine to five. I got these tattoos as a commitment to figure it the fuck out for myself, to not give up on myself. I also had to face the judgment of my family and my parents because my dad, very, very against tattoos, always told me if you get a tattoo, I'm gonna cut it out of you.

He didn't, luckily. But I had to go around that whole thing of like, getting tattoos that are so obvious, it's such a disapproved of thing by my dad. I had to deal with that fear of judgment. I also knew in the back of my head, people were going to look at me like, why do you only have tattoos on your knuckles? But I didn't care because of my intention behind getting them.

It was a promise to myself not to give up on myself and it paid the fuck off. Now I really don't give a shit what people have to say about them because a year of having these, I made my first million dollars at 25. Do you think I give a fuck that people don't like my knuckle tattoos? And a lot of people comment, oh, you're not supposed to get knuckle tattoos before you have sleeves. Why did you just jump to knuckle tattoos? Like, that's not the requirement.

That's not the criteria. Like people act like it's a prerequisite. Like you have to have other tattoos to get your knuckles done. But my counter to that is people over here covered in tattoos and they're pussy bitches. My opinion on tattoos is you shouldn't get one unless you wit the shit.

Unless you are tough and strong as a person and you're not a little pussy, you shouldn't get a tattoo because people are over here, face tattoos, covered, full sleeves, full body covered, and they're too scared to ask for extra ketchup at a restaurant. So our prerequisites are very different.

You think I have to have full sleeves to get knuckle tattoos, and I think you shouldn't be a pussy bitch if you get tattoos. So whose judgment really is right? Whose matters? Who gives a shit? Because did they give me my first million dollars at 25? No, these did. I cannot tell you how important it is to anchor into your intention behind why you

do things. It keeps you solid and confident in it. No matter the judgment that comes across. There are people who love my tattoos. There are people who hate them. All right. It's time for a big thank you for the sponsors of today's podcast. The first one is clean my Mac X and from my experience, I've tried a bunch. This is the best Mac cleaner app to clean and optimize your Mac. It deletes megatons of junk and malware, uninstalls unused apps, and makes Mac computers faster, safer, and more organized.

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Another example of context people don't have when they try and talk about me and criticize me that they would not say if they knew the context is my hairline. I'm 26 years old. My hairline, not the best. My hair grows. People think that my hair doesn't grow. I shave it every week. My hair grows like fully everywhere else, but the front of my hairline has receded.

It receded at 21 years old. A lot of people judge me, talk shit, like to get on their little high horse of talking about my hairline and trying to criticize me and bring me down. Nothing's going to bring me to your level. Keep trying, especially not a hairline. But the context people are missing is I went through a lot of things at 20, 21, 22, that caused my hair to fall out because I was under such an extreme amount of stress.

I also had some other medical issues that caused this. So people who make these little jokes or criticism or try and talk shit, from my perspective, you look like an asshole. It's like making fun of somebody who can't walk in a wheelchair. You're just a dick. If something don't make sense, and if you don't know the context, zip it. If something doesn't make sense, you're right. It doesn't make sense to you

because you don't know enough to be able to make an accurate assessment. So people think they're all funny when they talk about my hairline. I don't care. I genuinely don't because I wouldn't be who I am without everything I went through. But I know what I was dealing with emotionally,

mentally, and also like health wise, like physically, there was medical things that I was dealing with. Am I going to sit here and beat myself up about it because some dim wit on the internet want to talk about the hairline? I don't care, girl. I genuinely don't care because I have the context and I remind myself of it. It doesn't mean I'm bad and wrong and everything I've done is discredited because my hair is receding.

Who cares? I'll get a fucking wig if I want. I can get a transplant if I want. I have considered getting a little tattoo because I like the shaved hair look. I've considered getting the tattoo of the hairline, but it looks like shit in person. I don't care.

It doesn't bother me, but it bothers other people and other people. When something bothers them, they want it to bother you because you're walking around with something that would debilitate them. And the fact that you're still confident with it, fucks them up. That's their issue to deal with. But just remind yourself of the context that you know that makes their opinion invalid and remind yourself if they had this added context, they would not have opened their mouth. And that's, if they had this added context,

they would not have opened their mouth and that's fine. One more example I have, people think I'm batshit crazy. A lot of people say I'm very extreme, I'm wild, I'm this time, that was that. A lot of people say that I'm crazy and they truly believe it because of the advice that I give and the perspectives that I share and the way that I talk

and the way that I talk about living life. The context missing with this is people thinking that I'm trying to give advice to everyone and people assuming that I'm trying to give advice that applies across the board. I'm aware I'm not for everybody. People pointed out like I don't fucking know. It's like saying, your skin is white. Wow. It's been white since the day I'm fucking born. It's like saying the sky is blue. No shit, babe. There are people who think that I'm crazy because of their perspective

and their experience in life. The people who share similar experiences to me fully get me. They don't think I'm nuts. They think I'm very logical and they understand the way that my brain works. People who have been Damaged have lived a life that was very unfair people who have had their hope absolutely shattered have experienced betrayals to the nth degree that are enough to cripple the average person and end them and are still surviving They get me we just say we over here patty caking.

Like when I say I don't believe in forgiveness and people come at me with shit about how you have to forgive and that's wrong, you can't not believe in forgiveness. I understand that they've never been in a position where someone has done something to them that was absolutely unforgivable. Once they experience that, they'll understand my perspective.

I don't get mad at them. Shut the fuck up and go away. But you can have your judgment, it doesn't bother me. It doesn't make me get down on myself and it doesn't make me question myself because I know the context they don't. If they had the context of the experiences that I've got, they would fully have the same opinion as me.

I check myself a lot, I reflect a lot, I'm always growing and learning and I don't know everything. People like to say, I claim to let I know everything. I've said it multiple times. I don't know everything. The hell? That's one thing. People will also put words in your mouth. Let them be. Let's move to the next point. That one's going to piss me off. I keep going into it. I'm not for everybody and neither are you.

And that's totally okay. Because remember, different isn't bad. And your people will find you. Let your look crazy out. People who think the same will find it and will get it. The next thing that will help with the fear of judgment is allowing contradictions to exist. Stop categorizing everything as you're this thing so you have to be this way. A prime example, perfect example. I'm Albanian and I'm gay. Being gay and being Albanian, that's like the biggest disappointment you can be. That is the worst thing you can be as an Albanian is gay.

But I exist, here I am. The other thing with being gay is most gay people, most stereotypes, gay people fuck everything that walks. They hook up nonstop. I'm someone who's gay, who does not engage in it at all. I don't like the whole fuck everybody, fuck everything that goes on in society. I don't agree with it, I don't like it.

Do what you want. Like I said, doesn't matter if I judge it one way or another. It's just not what I personally do. But allowing that contradiction to exist allows you to see people for who they are and it will help you feel like people can see you for who you are because they're not just seeing one thing about you and shutting down to the possibility of you having duality, of you having contrast or having range or having diversity in your personality or who you are as a person. This sounds so stupid but just allowing

multiple things to exist at once is fine. See people for who they are not what you're just assuming they are because of one stereotype or one thing or another. Another example I have for this it's's like a serious one. And this is from when I was in nursing school, we were learning about nails, like girls who wear acrylic nails and have their nails done. They were saying it's a breeding ground for bacteria and it's not recommended that you have acrylic nails or long nails when you're working as a nurse. And they were saying, if you're going to have them just double glove,

so you don't have to deal with like ripping through a glove. They're like it's not mandatory you don't have them you can have them but you're gonna have to take extra precaution and one of the people in my class spoke up out of her ill-informed stupid well let me not be mean stupid fucking mouth and said someone who is worried about their nails and making sure that they look good is not a good nurse. People who are not willing to sacrifice getting their nails done to make sure that they can be a better nurse shouldn't be nurses. She was basically talking shit like anyone who cares about their appearance is not capable of caring about other people and doing their job because they're so shallow. They're so stupid. All they care about is how they look. This rubbed me

the wrong fucking way and I spoke up in the middle of this class and I called her out and everybody clapped but I said let's entertain the perspective that people who care about their appearance and making sure that they look good, care more about their patients and will do more. Because I, when I had hair, I had hair when I was a nurse in school and while I was a nurse, but I came to school every single day with my hair perfectly gelled, slicked back,

freshly showered, iron pressed my entire uniform and showed up smelling good. I always had a nice cologne on. Not too overbearing because people have allergies, but I always looked the part. I always looked presentable, looked taken care of and looked ready to go and take care of my patients. And I was someone who did absolutely everything I could. In nursing school, you'd never catch me sitting down.

When I had my patients taken care of and everybody on my floor was like, good. When everybody else would go sit down at the nurses station, everybody who was unkept, sloppy, freshly rolled out of bed, no effort in their appearance, they're lazy. They look lazy and they were lazy and they would go sit on their ass and just complain. I would go run call lights. That's a term me and my friends came up with because I had two friends in my class who I would do this with. When all of our patients were taken care of, we would literally walk up and down the hallway of the hospital and go check and wait for anyone's call light to come on. If there was a call light that came on,

we would go in the room and see what the patient needed, whether it was a cup of water or they were having an issue with their IV or they needed their nurse or whatever it was. We did not let a patient go unattended to when we had free time. We were not sitting on our ass. We were not sitting there complaining. We were up making sure everyone was taken care of. We genuinely cared and we were the ones that came looked put together. So the bitch in class who thought she ate saying people who take care of their

appearance and show up looking the part only care about looking good. She was so ill informed and it was so sad that she made that statement because she's not seeing anyone for who they were. The people who genuinely looked at the part and did a better job than her. She couldn't even see the effort that was put in and how much they cared because she was blinded by her lens of they're superficial, they're stuck up, they don't care about the patients, they just care about looking good. Yeah, you can still look good and do the fucking job, bitch, in case you watching me. Hope you enjoy your nursing.

Anchoring into the intention piece of why I always looked the part is because I did not want to walk into a patient's room, looking disheveled, having bed head, having bags under my eyes, looking like shit, stinking because I didn't get a shower and walk into the patient's room and being like, I'm going to take care of you today. From the perspective of the patient in the bed, if I'm in the hospital and my nurse walks in looking all disheveled and like, I'm gonna take care of you today. From the perspective of the patient in the bed, if I'm in the hospital and my nurse walks in, looking all disheveled and like shit,

I'm gonna assume that they're lazy. I'm gonna assume they're stressed out, they're strung out, they're tired, they're not on their A game, and I'm gonna not trust their ability to take care of me. I'm gonna question to myself, if you can't even take care of yourself and look half decent, I know you're not about to follow protocol and I know damn well you're not going

to follow sterile technique. So I put the effort into my appearance, one, for me, but two, the other intention was not to show up like a douchebag. It was to provide a safe and stable feeling for the patients I was taking care of to feel like they could trust me and know that they don't have to question my judgment and have anxiety that I'm sloppy and lazy and I'm not to be taken serious. I walked in the room and looked like I took myself serious and it breeds a sense of authority and safety for a patient when you're a nurse. This is something that still rubs me the wrong way to this day.

I will never forget it, but check that shit. If you do it, do not write someone off just because of one thing. There are people who only care about how they look and don't care about anybody else. They are stereotypical of snobby asshole, pretentious, superficial, but then there's also people who will care more than you can imagine, who also put effort into their appearance and look the part. With people, you have to see each person for who they are. If you want them to do it to you,

if you're someone with a face piercing or tattoos and you don't want to be judged as whatever people judge you as when you have those things of like the stereotype, don't do it to other people. Observe each person for who they are and see them for who they are. Allow the duality to exist. It's going to make you feel free where you don't feel like you have to fit in with a certain stereotype. It makes you feel free when you allow other people to do it without judging them

and like writing them off completely. It allows you to feel free to express the duality in you. Not everybody is a stereotype. Most everybody is not a stereotype. There are a lot of people who like fit most of it, but no one is a stereotype to the core usually. And just give people the chance to see them for who they are. Don't throw up a wall in front of them, like a sheet of glass that you can't get through. See every see them for who they are. Don't throw up a wall in front of them, like a sheet of glass that you can't get through.

See every single person for who they are. When it comes to cops, if you want to assume every single one is bad, do what you gotta do. That's a different scenario. It's like bees. If you've been stung by a hundred bees, it is true that there are bees that won't sting you,

but for risk management purposes, through your experience with bees, you best get the hell away from them. I'm like that with cops. I understand there are good ones that exist. From my own experience of how many bad ones I've dealt with, I'm avoiding all of them at all costs. But that's a separate scenario and example.

I'm talking about more like interpersonal people, day to day, just random little judgments and shit. You want to allow people to express the duality so you can feel free to do it and not feel like, oh, I have tattoos, I have to act this way. Or I am a girl, I have to act this way. I'm a guy, I have to act this way. It kind of grants you the ability to be more openly and freely yourself without such a fear of judgment. But the last piece I want to give you, and this is the biggest thing to keep in your head and remind yourself of this every single time you feel a fear of judgment coming up,

is the fear that you have is only coming up because you are taking steps in the direction of progress. You are taking steps forward. You are progressing. That is why this fear is coming up because if you were staying still you wouldn't have it. None of these feelings would be coming up. If you weren't doing anything different, you were just staying still and you weren't doing nothing. These feelings are coming up because you're making progress. Keep that in your mind. So every time you feel this anxiety in public, you now have a full new set of tools to kind of like give yourself and talk yourself through it and really reset this for yourself.

But giving yourself this piece for your mindset is every time that anxiety comes up or the fear of judgment comes up It's not a negative thing. You now have a way to reassure yourself. Wait, that's a good thing It's a sign. I'm making progress. So keep that in your head. The fear is only coming up because you're moving forward and I'm proud of you Alright, I'm done yelling at you If this episode helped you in any way or it changed the way that you see something, leave this podcast a five star rating. If you're listening to the audio version on Apple podcasts and Spotify, if you're on YouTube and you can see me, Hey friend, if you scroll down just a little bit as a thumbs up button,

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