Aware & Aggravated - 39. Break Ups

Episode Date: August 21, 2022

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Hi friends, so this week I want to talk about breakups because people do not fucking understand them So I want to give you some explanations that I have around breakups and why they feel so fucking terrible And also I'm gonna give you some tips about how to navigate one because no one really knows what to tell you like They fucking suck and people don't understand how deep they actually are and why they fuck you up the way that they do like a Breakup is one of the worst things You can go through as a human being So I want to shed some light on a couple of things give you a couple tips and get you back on your way because if you're going through a break up right now I know bitch how hard it is

I know how bad you're hurting and this podcast is about to help you feel a lot better I can guarantee it because this is all the shit I wish someone would have told me but they did it I just had to go through it and figure it out and even if you're not going through a breakup I still think you should listen to this episode because it will help you Understand them better and it will help you be there for your friends who are going through breakups And if you want to sound real smart and if you want to get close to people This is a way to do it like just listen to what the fuck I'm gonna tell you

So the main thing I want everyone to close to people this is a way to do it. Just listen to what the fuck I'm going to tell you. So the main thing I want everyone to understand about a breakup is they are so much bigger than people realize. They're going to fuck you up in a way that most people can't recover from. Like a lot of people never get over a breakup. They never like fully get through it. But your entire life as you knew it is over. It's not just that you're mourning a person you lost

and someone you care about, your entire life as you knew it is gone. That's a really big contributor to how painful it is and it makes it worse. A lot of people don't understand why it feels like hell and that's it. It's not just that you lost the person, you lost your life as you knew it.

So you're going to feel like your earth is shattered. You're going to feel like you're confused, you're lost, you're scared, all these emotions are going to be coming up at once and it's totally normal and it's not just one aspect of your life that's different. Everything about your life has now changed. Like as soon as you break up with someone Everything changes everything is different like your daily routines your habits things you think about What you prioritize what you take into consideration how you spend your time all of these things are shifted It's not just one aspect of your life that is going wrong like literally it fucks with every single thing a lot of people talk about Your relationships are like your biggest contributor of how your life is going like if your relationship is shit Like literally it fucks with every single thing. A lot of people talk about your relationships are like your biggest contributor of how your life is going.

Like if your relationship is shit, your whole life is shit. But if your relationship is okay, your whole life is gonna be okay. Like it's people always say that and they don't understand why, but that's it. And that's because your person occupies so much of what you do and how you think and like what you feel.

But if you're going through a breakup, I just want to reassure you right now, you are not crazy. You're not psycho. The way you feel is not weird or bad or like you're not overreacting. It's very much one of the most painful things you can go through. So like I said, you lose the person you care for. But now you're in a place where your whole life was just wiped out from under you and you're faced with the reality of like, okay, I have to construct a whole new life.

But the real fucking kicker is society just expects you to keep moving. Like people just expect you to keep functioning like nothing just happened. Like your life didn't just completely stop. And that's what it did. Like your life just stopped as you knew it. It's fucking over. And I keep saying that because that's the truth of it. And that's why you feel all these intense things.

But people don't understand, like I said, how bad breakups are. And everybody just expects you to keep moving and keep going forward and to just walk through it with your life. Like bitch, you're supposed to break down. You're supposed to literally like feel like the world has just ended. That's how it with your life. Like bitch, you're supposed to break down. You're supposed to literally like, feel like the world has just ended.

That's how it's gonna feel. And to expect people to just function normally after that is unrealistic. Like your jobs don't give a fuck. There's no paid time off. There's no time off really. And your bosses don't even see it as a reason to take off work.

If you're going through something like a breakup, like they don't see like the emotional damage and the emotional turmoil of it as a valid excuse to be cut slack. So that's why I want to bring that to everyone's awareness. Like it's a lot bigger than you think. And then the expectation of everyone around you looking at you like you're supposed to just hold it together, that makes it 10 times harder. Because even if you're in the same place, like you live in the same house, or you live in the same city, everything about the way you've been living is completely new.

Like everything your use to is gone, even if you're in the same spot. And that's one thing I suggest if you go through a breakup, bitch, run away. Run the fuck away and go start a whole new life. Like I swear, it sounds dramatic, but it will help a lot, because you're gonna think about the person you just broke up with, non-stop, and that's normal. Like you are gonna have them in the forefront of your mind all the time, because that's what they were when you were together.

They're what occupied most of your attention. So when you now have a void, because you lost them, what do you expect your brain to do? Like it's used to focusing on this thing. Now you're experiencing a lack of this person. So all your mental state is freed up. Like your brain is just going to focus on what it's been used to focus on, which is this

person. So you're going to think about them all the fucking time. You're in a routine, you're in a habit of having this person in your life and in your thoughts. It's not just going to go away and stop as soon as the person isn't there anymore. You're in a routine. You're in a habit of having this person in your life and in your thoughts It's not just gonna go away and stop as soon as the person isn't there anymore It's gonna take time, but that's the main thing is getting out of the habit and getting out of the routine of Talking to someone and thinking about someone and having them be such a big role in your life It's gonna be fucking hell for a while, but I promise you it does get better. And another big thing people don't realize about breakups is your partner,

your person when you're dating them is your main emotional support person. Like they're who you go to when you have a bad day or when you have a good day, like when you have bad things to talk about, you need comfort or you want to celebrate. Like your person is always right there and that's your go-to. Like, that's your emotional support system and your emotional support person most of the time. But when you break up with them, you lose this.

So, you're feeling all these emotions and you don't have your emotional support person that you're used to. So, you're left to deal with all your emotions on your own. That's another explanation for why you feel so lost and scared and why all these emotions feel so overwhelming. And this is the main reason that I will always say you need to cut contact after you break up.

Like you need to sever it and have it be done. Because you're both going to be going through all these emotions. You're both going to be fucked up in the head. You're both going to going through all these emotions. You're both gonna be fucked up in the head. You're both gonna be feeling all these things. And like I said, you are each other's emotional support system. So that person is who you're used to going to and they're used to going to you. So if you break up and you try and stay in contact,

you're gonna try to lean on each other for support. Like that's just how it's gonna go. And that's a literal recipe for fucking disaster because you're gonna feel obligated to be there for each other. Like while you're in your own hurt, when your ex comes to you and they're upset, you're gonna feel like you wanna comfort them. Like that's just how you are, you care for them, you're gonna wanna comfort them. And that's the wrong thing to fucking do. Like it's good to comfort them sure, but it's gonna fuck you both up. Like you have to understand you lost this person, you no longer have

this as an emotional support or a comfort. Like do not reach out to them for comfort and that's where most couples fuck up where they get back together and break up and make up and break up and make up and run in Sam. Like Jersey Shore, run in fucking Sam. Back and forth all the goddamn time because they kept going back and forth to each other for their emotional support You have to use this period to cut them the fuck off and learn how to be your own emotional support and lean on your friends Lean on your family lean on people around you find another emotional support system besides your ex And agreeing to cut contact is really going to help that.

But if you can't cut contact because I know a lot of people are like married or they're really deep in relationships and you have a lot to sort out like some people have dogs or like apartments and houses and shit together and you have to go about splitting everything up. If you can't cut contact then at least agree you won't go to each other when you're emotional. You won't go to each other when you need support or when you need to feel comforted. Just go to each other with the cold facts of like what the fuck needs to be done and don't lean on each other emotionally. And that's really really important to realize

because like I said you're both gonna be going through a lot of different emotions. You're both gonna be feeling all the fucking shit you can feel as a human. Like literally you're both reconstruct be feeling all the fucking shit you can feel as a human. Like literally you're both reconstructing your entire lives and trying to navigate it like a blind fucking puppy or like a brand new giraffe. Like you know when it stands up and it can't fucking walk and it like stumbles around, that's how you are emotionally after a breakup. But I want to dive a little bit into the emotions of it.

So you're gonna have points where you are in complete despair. You're gonna be sad. You're gonna be hysterical fucking crying. You're gonna be so fucking upset for a good period, but they come in waves. So these emotions are gonna come in waves. They are not gonna come and stay. Your emotional system does not stay in any extreme state. So for you to feel positive emotions, when something good happens, you feel positive emotions, you feel happy, you feel excited. And then after like a couple of minutes, an hour, whatever it is, after it dies down, your emotional state goes back to a sense of normal. Like you're just, you kind of rest at a state of neutral. That's how all humans are. And you don't even have to try. Because when something good happens,

you're happy you experience the heightened positive emotions. And then you just gradually just go back to a place of neutral. You don't have to try. It just does it on its own. And I want to reassure you, when you're feeling very intense states of negative emotions, you're not going to stay there. Your emotional system will get you back to a place of neutral. So there are going to be periods where you are hysterical, crying, upset, and you don't know how to fix the feeling you're feeling, but you don't want to feel it. Like it's just the worst fucking helplessness and sadness that you've ever felt. And in those moments, just let yourself cry because it stops. It does stop. I

promise you are not going to stay there forever and it's very very hard to sit in these emotional states but you need to like I said it's a wave. The wave is going to come on very strong and then it's going to pass like you're going to get back to a state of neutral. I promise like you don't just back to a state of neutral. I promise, like you don't just sit in a state of despair for 24 fucking hours when you're upset. Like you'll be really upset. And when I say like deep states of despair, I'm talking about where you can't function.

Like all you can do is just break the fuck down and cry or be angry or whatever it is. Like however you go emotionally with all this, like you're gonna have very, very intense waves where it debilitates you. You can't do anything, you can't fucking function. And those are the times that I'm saying, the wave is gonna pass.

It's hitting you like a fucking truck when it hits you, but it passes, I promise, because if you think about going through a breakup or being very sad, you can't hang out in a very, very extremely negative state for too long. Like, you can't be debilitated for too long. You always get back to a point where like, okay, I can go eat or I can go take a piss

or I can go drink some water. Like, there's points where it lets up. There's points where the wave will break and you get like relief for a second. You're not always going to be in the very, very negative, like sad, despair, like, can't function states because it takes a lot of energy for your body to do that. That's why you rest that neutral. Like it's very exhausting to stay in a heightened, emotional state for too long. Like you're going to have

periods of breaks and I just want you to remind yourself of that when you're fucking bawling, like when you are debilitated by the way that you feel and you cannot function, just remind yourself and comfort yourself, just stick through it. It's going to stop. I promise it's going to stop. If you have to replay this, play it, but I promise the way you're feeling is going to stop. It's going to let up. It's just a wave. The waves of heavy emotions will never stop as long as you live, but there are gaps in between them and you will get better at learning to surf them. You're not going to be drowned by them for long.

That's just for now. I have a couple of tips for dealing with this, but I do want to say my number one fucking rule is do not act when you are highly emotional. Do not take an action. Okay? So when you're in one of these very, very high states of like, oh my fucking god, I'm gonna die. Do not act.

Don't reach out to them. Don't message them. Don't call them. Don't put anything on social media. Literally just sit with yourself and let yourself cry. Sit with yourself through that wave and get through it. Do not act when you are highly emotional. You are not rational.

So just remember me saying this, do not take fucking action. Do not act when you are feeling very, very intense emotions. Because that's where you do shit, you regret, and you fuck up. And when you want to lean on your emotional support person, when you're in the very heavy emotions, is it when you're the weakest and when you will do it. So don't literally just remember, do not act. So once you're back at a place of neutral and you can function again,

that is when you can take different actions. But when you're sad, you have to just let yourself fucking cry. You have to let yourself sit in the devastation, but do not act while you're in it. So when I get emotional or get very, very upset, I isolate myself. I do not like people to see me cry. Like I'll cry at raves and festivals

and like fun stuff like that. Like when I do mushrooms, I fucking cry. I always have some kind of realization and I cry. But it's never a sad like devastated cry. It's like I just cry, you know? but it's never a sad, like, devastated cry. It's like I just cry, you know? Like it's just like a weird little, I don't know. But I don't like for people to see me when I'm sad. Like I was raised that that's weak

and I understand that it's not now, but I still am very, very uncomfortable allowing people to see me when I'm sad because I've been attacked when I'm down like that. So what you don't want is for yourself to be going through one of these really, really heavy waves and then break down in front of someone that's going to attack you. So the way that I would avoid this and the way that I still avoid it is by just being alone, just go somewhere where you feel safe to let it out and be vulnerable.

So like when I was going through my biggest breakup, I would go get in my car and drive to an empty parking lot and just sit there for a couple hours and just fucking cry. Like I would just literally go isolate myself in the car and just cry because I didn't live alone. But I didn't feel safe to be vulnerable with people around me or near me or they could walk in. So I would literally just cry in my fucking car and I would just get through it. Another place to cry is the shower because people can't fucking hear you.

And you can at least sit in there for like an hour. And that's one thing that I used to do a lot when I was going through it is like just crying a shower, like just fucking get it out, let it out, learn to comfort yourself when you're upset. So like, how the fucking pillow? Like that's the biggest thing is just sit with yourself and let yourself cry. Let yourself be absolutely beat the fuck down by the wave of emotion you're feeling. Don't resist it. Don't try to fight it. Just let yourself fucking cry. Like, you're going through a big morning process. You're mourning the person that you lost and you're mourning the life that you had. Everything

you knew is gone. You're going to feel scared, you're going to feel unsafe, like everything's going to be uncertain, you're going to be lost, you're going to feel all these things and that's not easy to manage. So don't try to manage it. Just let yourself fucking cry it out. And my next tip for dealing with situations like this when you're really, really emotional is do not try to be logical with the way that you feel. I will open up because I need to for this example when I was going through my worst breakup. I knew the person that I had left was not good for me, they're not what I wanted, but when I left and I was sad and I was dealing with the emotional waves like this, this is where I say don't be

fucking logical, like all I kept repeating to myself as I was just sitting in my fucking bed like Crying like I was just like rolling around hugging a pillow like literally like Well, like a fucking child throwing a tantrum like I literally was going to fuck through it I didn't think I was gonna make it and every wave I was like wondering am I gonna make it through this and I did and I'm Just I want to reiterate that like it gets the best of us. As strong as you see me now, it's not easy. I had to go the fuck through it to be able to stand as strong as I am.

But when I was at my lowest and I was the most sad, all I was repeating to myself was, I just wanna go back. I just wanna go back, I just wanna go back. And I kept trying to fight myself and be like, Leo, he's not what you fucking want. You know, you don't want that. Like, what the fuck? Why are you saying you want to go back? And I learned, do not try to be logical when you're upset. Like, when I just kept saying, I just want to go back. I just

started saying, I know, like, it's two different people. I'm trying to comfort. I was like, I know, I know, I know, I know, I'm sorry. Like I just kept apologizing to myself because I wasn't letting myself go back. And I was no longer trying to fight myself about wanting to go back. I didn't tell the part of me that wanted to go back to shut up or question it or try and fight it and be like, no, you don't want to go back because all I felt was that I did. So I had to learn how to take care of the part of me that wanted to go back because all I felt was that I did.

So I had to learn how to take care of the part of me that wanted to go back. Like I just had to be there for him and let him fucking cry and let him be sad. Like I know you want to go back and I'm sorry and I just learned to be there for him. I stopped trying to be logical. I stopped trying to talk him out of it. I stopped trying to look for proof of like why the person I left was like a fuck up and why it was never going to work and why it wasn't what I wanted because that didn't do anything for me. It made me feel worse. So stop punishing yourself for wanting

to go back. Stop punishing yourself for missing them. Don't try to convince yourself you don't miss them and that you don't care about them. Oh fuck them. Don't say any of that. Just be there for the part of you that does want to go back because that's a part of you that's screaming for your attention. Like you're literally so fucking upset because part of you does want nothing more than just to be with this person and to care about this person. But you have to govern that part of you and you just have to be there for yourself. If you let yourself break down and just comfort you, like learn to truly comfort yourself for the first time. And that comes by not fighting yourself. So don't try to be logical. Don't try to talk yourself

out of how you feel. Just feel it. Just literally let yourself feel it and be there for yourself through it. It's way easier said than done, but I had to learn this while I was going through it and it made such a difference. So I wanted to share it. And I've been wanting to make this episode for a long time, but there's just so much that goes into it, and this is such a heavy topic. I wanted to make sure I like hit it right. So the next part I want to talk about is, everything in your life when you're going through a breakup is going to seem difficult. Everything is going to seem hard, everything is going to feel like it takes so much energy. Like getting out of bed is going to seem like the biggest fucking task of the day. Taking care of yourself. Like don't beat yourself up if

you're overrun with all these heavy emotions and your life kind of like slips for a minute. Like you'll get it back together in a second. Like you have to go through it. You have to feel all this shit. And to feel debilitating emotions, you can't expect yourself to function at the same time. So be easy on yourself. Everything is gonna seem hard. And that's normal. Like everything is gonna seem so difficult. Because you have a giant hole in your life now. You literally have a giant fucking hole in your life. And I'm talking every aspect of it. So it's like, I come up to you and I shoot you at a shotgun and I blow a giant hole in your chest. Bitch, you think it's not going to impact you.

You think it's not going to affect you. You think it's not going to make everything difficult. You think it's not going to hurt. Like that's exactly what happens to you when you lose someone. Like emotionally, you have a giant fucking hole with your attention. You have a giant hole with your entire life. You have a giant hole You're such a void everywhere and it's so obvious now because this person is no longer there So everything's gonna feel difficult for a minute. It's gonna feel Tiring it's gonna feel exhausting, but just how you learned to live with this person It's just gonna take you a minute and you will learn how to live without them.

Like it's coming, it's just a matter of time. You're not gonna be sad forever, you're not gonna be confused and everything's not gonna feel difficult forever. It's just gonna take you a minute, like I said, to get out of the habit and the routine of having this person in your life. You're gonna learn to live without them again.

I promise, you can't not. Like, it's gonna happen. It's just gonna happen a lot more effortless than you think, but the first few days, first few weeks, first month is gonna be the hardest part. And once you get through that, the hard work is basically done. Like, just sitting through all the emotions is done.

Now, you just have to start taking different actions and implementing different things into your day and boom, like you've learned to live without them again. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, it's going to be one of the hardest fucking things you do. But don't get scared and convince yourself that you can't live without them, you can, you did before you met them and life is not always going to feel bad. So the next thing I want to hit on is something that a lot of people don't really talk about, but it's something that fucked me up big time when I was going through my bad breakup. I felt like no one else would want me.

Like I don't know why that's a thing for breakups, but the more people that I've talked to about it, that's universal for everyone. Everyone kind of feels that way. It's weird. Like I was so scared when I was going through it that no one would want me. I felt ugly. I felt like no one was attracted to me.

I felt like worthless. And I was like, this is the only person that will ever care about me. Like I convinced myself of that. And it felt so fucking real. Like I didn't know how to not feel like that because it just felt so real. Like I just felt like the reality of it.

It wasn't like, oh, I'm making myself think that it was just there. Like it wasn't even a question. It was just, that's the reality as I just felt no one would want me. Nothing was ever gonna be okay. Nothing was ever gonna be good. And I felt so unattractive.

And that's why staying broken up is so hard sometimes because your brain kind of convinces you that you're undesirable and nobody else wants you. And even if you know that you're physically hot, you're scared no one else is gonna care about you. And like worry about the way that you feel and love you. And it's just a weird dynamic that goes on in your fucking head.

But we all feel it. And I promise it's not true. Cause that's one of the things that really fucked with me and really made it difficult for me as I was so just worried no one would love me and no one would care about me and no one would like me ever again. Like I don't know why I thought,

oh this is the only person that can do it but I just wanna reassure you, you're not ugly, you're not worthless, you're not void of value. Like other people will want you, other people will care about you. You're just got to get through this little patch. And another thing I want to bring up is when you go through day to day life, it's going to feel different. It's going to feel a lot different because the way you move when you're single versus the

way you move when you're in a relationship is two different things. I fucking hope for all y'all, I hope it's two different goddamn things, but when I'm in a relationship, I don't look around really like other people, like I'm aware of what's going on, but like I'm not checking people out, I'm not being flirty,

I'm not being like overly nice, you know what I mean? I'm always trying to make sure that I behavior is respectful to the person that I'm with, but when you're single, or when you're newly single, all that's gone and you get your freedom back to do whatever the fuck you want. So like just stepping out of your house is gonna feel different.

And also the reassurance of just having someone at home is something that you no longer have. Like you don't have to worry about trying to look cute or presentable or like trying to get other people's attention when you're with someone. Like when you have a partner, I hope, like I said, for the other one.

And I don't really know how to explain that, but y'all get what I fucking mean, y'all get it. You're not worried about shit when you have someone at home. Like, everything is just like, eh, like it's, there's just reassurance in the sense of like, safety. I don't know how to explain it, but we all get it. But when you're not on a relationship anymore, you're gonna have to give yourself a second to readjust.

I'm like, okay, I can't talk to these people, I can flirt, I do actually want to put effort into my appearance. That's gonna come a little bit after you're through the whole traumatic cry-cry part of the breakup, but everything's gonna feel different. It's just the way it's gonna go. Like I said, you have to get used to being single again. Like, that's a whole different mindset, it's a whole different way of being for most people. So if you notice everything feels different in that aspect too, like the way you just feel in public,

that's normal because you don't have the security at home and you now have to behave like you're single again, not like you're fucking boot up. So my last point and I think it is one of the biggest is you can want to go back to them and you can want to be back in the relationship and still not go back. Okay, you can still choose to not go back, even though you feel all these things inside you and you think that's what you want. If you can logically look at a person and say, okay, that is not who I want, you can miss them and still not go back. If you know they're not what you want and they're not ever going to be what you want, you don't have to choose them

just because you love them. If you know that they're going to be damaging to you, if you know they're going to hold you back from what you can achieve in life or what you want out of life and you feel like you're limiting yourself or you're settling by being with them, you're free to move forward. You don't have to choose to go back to them just because you care for them. Just because you love them, you don't have to choose them if they're not right for you. And if they've just hurt you one too many times

and you know you'll never be able to trust them, you don't have to go back. Everything inside you is gonna pull you toward me. You're like, oh my God, I just wanna fucking go back. I went through it. I was literally fucking crying hysterical. And all I could say is I just want to go back. I just want to go back.

But the reason I felt like I just wanted to go back is because that is how I was going to alleviate the way that I was feeling. Being without him fucking sucked. It was just a pain I wasn't familiar with. So being with the person I was with, I knew what it was like. and I was used to that level of like discomfort and kind of like the weird feelings of it.

And like I want to say pain, but not being with him and experiencing losing him and losing the life that I had with him, that was a pain that was new to me and it was very overwhelming. And I didn't know how to deal with that yet. So my brain immediately resorted to a time when I wasn't feeling the pain I was currently feeling and it was when I was with him. So my brain thinks the solution is going back because it alleviates the pain, but I just want you to know both options are painful to go be with someone and be in a relationship that you do not want

and you know will limit you is pain. To learn to be without them is pain. Only one of them stops. Because once you learn how to live without this person, that pain is gone. That'll take a couple of months. You'll get the fuck through it and you'll be just fine. You'll be better than ever. But being in that relationship, you know you shouldn't be in. That's a pain you will endure forever.

So I don't want you to look at oh going back Eleviates the pain. No, you're just choosing a different kind of pain. That's the thing You need to understand it's a choice and you need to ask yourself which pain do I want to choose? Do I want the pain of being in the relationship? I know I don't want or do I want the pain of being in the relationship I know I don't want? Or do I want the pain that's temporary of learning how to be without them? And that makes it very clear when I said you can want them and still choose not to be with them.

So I just want you to remember that. You're picking your pain. So choose the one that is going to get you what you want. Alright, I'm going to leave you off there. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you found it helpful, leave me a five stars before you get to crying again if you're going through a break up. But please, if this helped you, message me on Instagram and just let me know because hearing that my podcast helps people is what helps me keep going and makes me want to keep making

them. So I would love to know if any of this helped you. If you're going through a breakup, I promise it gets better. You're gonna get through this. Just understand your emotions right now are waves. They're gonna come and go. They're gonna feel very intense at times. Sometimes there's gonna be fucking tsunami-type waves.

Like the biggest waves you've ever seen in your life. You don't think you'll make it. Other times there's gonna be like little kitty pool waves. It's like it's like a little wave. It just hits you in the knee and you're like, that's it. Like, there's going to be different levels of emotion. But I promise you will get through all of it. So stay strong, lean on your family and friends, and do not let yourself down. That's the biggest thing. I have just opened up some new appointment times and days and I'm taking on clients again. So if you want help with going through a breakup or anything else you've got going on,

you can submit an application to work with me one on one. I will put the link in the description of this podcast. The link will also be in my Instagram bio and wherever else you find me on social media, the link will be there. Just know you've always got someone there for you, I've got you, and you're going to get through this. I just want to reiterate that you're gonna make it through, I fucking promise. But that's all I got for this episode.

Please be safe, take care of yourself, and I will talk to you guys next Sunday.