Aware & Aggravated - 43. Tired of Being Strong

Episode Date: September 25, 2022

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Hi friends, so this week I want to share something I've been dealing with and then teach you how I got out of it Which is being tired of being strong like when you always have to be the one to be strong And you're like you're aware that everything's in your control But you get pissed the fuck off at it. I got you because I was going through it real hard last couple weeks But before we jump into that I want to say I want to add a new segment to my podcast And I'm gonna call it what would Leo do? WWE, get LD So basically I want you guys to comment on this video and give me your situation You're dealing with and you're wondering what I would do like how I would handle it if you need advice on something

Leave it in the comments because I'm either gonna start doing a full episode like one a month or like add it at the end of my podcast Like answer a couple situations and give you what I would do. I haven't decided on that yet. Believe comments on this video of what you need help with and like your little situation what's going on and you want my take on it. And I know some things are a little personal and you don't want everybody to see. So if you want to have something like private, send it into my DMs on Instagram.

My Instagram is the Leo Skeppy. I'll also leave it in the description, but you can DM me your situation, and it's all gonna be anonymous. I'm not gonna reveal anybody's names, and if you have a situation with somebody, I'm gonna make them a code name, okay? A lot of you guys have wanted me

to start doing something like this, so we're gonna have a whole segment now. What would Leo do? Okay, so now let's jump into what to do when you're tired of being strong. And I'm gonna have to open up and be a little vulnerable in this episode and I'm fine doing that But watch your fucking mouth. Don't be mean. Don't be rude. Don't attack me because I will attack you back But straight up the last couple of weeks I have been

burnt to fuck out Exhausted resentful because I understand resentful because I understand Everything's in my control like all the things that I want I'm in control of bringing them about the universe is there to assist and help and all that and Like I don't want to get too spiritual with it because we're living in real life I hate when people talk too much and the fucking spiritual shit It's like we get it girl, but that doesn't help me with what I'm doing in the physical world so I was just so frustrated because like every thing that I'm working toward everything I want everything I'm trying to create I just got so frustrated because I was just so frustrated because like everything that I'm working toward everything I want everything

I'm trying to create I just got so frustrated because I was like it's all in my control and I get it And a lot of people get happy once you finally realize your life is in your control Like once you take responsibility for your full life and all your goals everything you want your success your everything is determined on You it's a relief for a minute. And so you hit the wall that I've hit where you understand everything is in your control, but it pisses you the fuck off because that's so much pressure. Like I get that I'm in control, but God damn girl, I'm fucking tired. And when I say that I'm tired, I've been pushing to an extreme,

my whole life basically. But the last like two years, I've really just been pushing it and like driving into what I want and taking a chance on myself and like being on social media and quitting nursing and going for my goals and my passion because I've finally found it and

I've been going for it and I'm just fucking tired like I'm not talking about my body is tired like sure but that's the least of my worries me being physically tired is not the problem my fucking heart is tired like I just feel like my soul is exhausted my hope is. Like I'm sick of having fucking hope. I'm sick of trying to like hope things get better and hope things work out. I hit a place where I don't know if I want to keep going with a lot of different things. I'm not so excited again. Okay, that chapter's closed. But I've hit a point where I'm just so fucking frustrated and with trying to follow your purpose Everybody always fucking posts and talks about even not even your purpose your desires anytime you follow a desire

You have or something that you want things are gonna be easy. They're gonna line up It's like everything's just gonna start falling into place and working out for you And that's the opposite of what I've experienced. Like, I'm pissed because I've been going for what I want. I've been going for my desires. I've been trying to help people. I've genuinely just been pouring everything I can out of me to be of use and like provide value to other people. And it's stressful as fuck. And it's not been lining up. Like, I deal with so many little ironic inconveniences and every time something happens, I'm like, fuck, like I know what to do.

I know how to handle it, but it's like shit on, shit on, shit on, shit. And I'm like, when the fuck is enough enough? You know, and like I'm the most aware person I know. And I'm not saying it sound like I got fucking like big bitches, but I see the possibilities and the explanations other people don't see. So usually when I'm facing something,, it sound like I got fucking like big bitches. But I see the possibilities and the explanations other people don't see.

So usually when I'm facing something, I know what to do. I know how to handle it. And even if I don't in the moment, I know how to go into it. I know how to go into myself and find the new solutions. But I've been doing that. And I'm at a point where I see all the solutions in front of me, but I'm just like, I don't want to do them.

I know frustration and headache is going to come and it's like, it just doesn't stop. And it makes you get to a point where like you've fought so long and you're just at a point where you're just like, why? Like to keep going for what? Like I know what I need to do, but I can see that it's just going to be fucking more shit on more shit. You just want to throw your hands up. And that's where I got to last week.

Like I had a very, very dark weekend. I fucking hate the weekends, because I always like have free time and I be like stressing the fuck out. And it's like everything be hitting me on the weekends. I'm like, I'm supposed to be relaxing. And here I am, like having all this shit come up, I have to work through. And like, I just get very down and this last weekend was a very, very low weekend for me.

And I'm gonna share with you how I got out of this fucking cycle and how I got my inspiration back because I was at a point where like, like I said, I knew what I needed to do. I just didn't care to do it anymore. Like, sure, my heart is good. I have good intentions. I have pure intentions. I wanna help people. to do it anymore. Like sure, my heart is good. I have good intentions, I have pure intentions, I want to help people, I want to do all this shit right, but it's like

that doesn't matter when you keep getting beat the fuck down. And that's how I was looking at everything that was happening to me. I just looked like I was being prevented. I felt like I was so unsupported by the fucking universe, I was like, this is not how it's supposed to go. Like, you're supposed to help me get to where I want to get to, not make shit fucking difficult. Like, why the fuck are there so many inconveniences? I'm supposed to be assisted, I'm supposed to be guided, I felt so unsupported, I felt prevented, I felt like something was pushing against me. In every aspect and every direction I turned. So that's where I got to the standstill of like, okay.

Every move I make is gonna be prevented. Every move I make, there's gonna be fucking headache and there's gonna be frustration. And I had to sit in that spot for a minute. Like I genuinely just had to fucking sit there and be like, what now? What the fuck is life? Literally what the fuck is this shit?

This is some sick ass game and I did not sign up to play it. Okay? My soul might have, but I fucking did it me but physical body me. I'm pissed I'm frustrated. I'm over it and with all this frustration finally getting to like the boiling point I also started to get really down and sad because I was like I've had to be strong for so long like mentally emotionally I've had to be so strong and I'm fucking tired. Like when I said I'm tired and my heart is tired, like I'm just emotionally tired, mentally tired, my physical body, I can push it as far as I want to, I'll push it until it breaks,

but I'm so much more tired than just physical. And I feel like I can't have an off day. I feel like I can't break. Like day. I feel like I can't break. Like I'm not allowed to break or have time off. I'm not allowed to be down because something's gonna suffer. Like I have so much pressure and so much shit and like everything I'm working on at once,

it's like I know I get it, but I feel like I can't have a minute. Like I feel like I can't have an off day Like I feel like I can't have an off day. I feel like everything will suffer if I do. If I break down or if I even break a little, everything's fucked. Like I have no space to fall down and I have no space to not be strong.

It's basically it. So now I'm at a point where I'm like resentful of like I have to be strong. I'm able to be strong. I'm the strongest person I've ever fucking met besides my mom. That's a tough bitch. But my strength is not what's in question. Like I'm able to be strong and I started to get so resentful of like I've had to be strong and I am very strong and I'm fucking pissed that I keep having to be strong dude like the frustration I was feeling this last weekend it was like it's things I've been dealing with my whole life and it's like it just fucking hit a wall and I hit that fucking wall too and something a lot of people don't talk about with

having a personality online or being someone online and then also being a coach like I'm a one-on-one coach and I get people through their problems. There's so much pressure that comes with that because like I said, I feel like I can't break. I have so many people that rely on me, depend on me that I'm scared to let everybody down. One, I'm scared to let myself down and I'm scared for everything I've worked for to be for nothing. Like I'm scared to lose it. I'm scared to like for all of it to break. It's like if I break everything breaks and that's gonna hurt 10 times worse. So I'm like I was faced with a decision of like keep pushing through and just being strong or face everything you have being gone and losing it all. Like that's a hard position to be in.

It really is so weird because some days I wake up and I'm like, yes, let's rock this shit, let's fucking rock and roll. We got this and I'm like confident and I'm ready to go and I'm able to be strong. I feel able and willing to be strong and face what comes up and then other days I feel very weak. I feel very like I don't want to fucking do this shit. I'm pissed I have to keep it all together

and I'm just like, if one thing goes wrong, I'm gonna shatter, is how I feel some days. And then other, it's like the weirdest pendulum swing. It's like I'm extremely strong, nothing can penetrate me, nothing can hurt me, nothing can fuck with me, nothing can stop me. And then I swing to like, I'm so fragile, if one thing goes wrong. Like the other day, I was in the kitchen and I was eating and I was like cooking

And I just kept dropping little shit and I was like oh my god like so many little frustrations and inconveniences I was like bro Fuck like just quit and my breaking point was like I was I had a handful of almonds and like I went to grab one to eat it And it fell in the floor like it just fell and I was just like, that's what I mean. I feel so fragile on the off days where it's like I'll have like four or five days where I'm extremely strong and then I'll have a couple of days where it's like I'm the most fragile and like sensitive person and I can be stopped by like the simplest thing going wrong, but it's not even be stopped It's like I can just be like down like it will just wreck me

Okay, so by now you understand the way that I'm feeling a lot of you feel the same fucking way And that's why I want to be so vulnerable about the way that I'm feeling is because I want everyone that watches this to understand You are not alone. You are not the only one that feels the way that you feel. A lot of the times, everybody feels special. Everybody feels different. Everybody convinces themselves, looking at me using the proper term themselves, this is the other of their self.

That their problems and their feelings are special. They're different. But we all are different. We all are special in our own way, but the way that we all feel is the same throughout every human being. We all feel the exact same things. We might have different circumstances,

but I promise you your pain is not different than mine. We all feel the same shit. You are never alone in anything that you fucking feel. I'm getting goose bumps talking about this shit because it's like, I truly mean it, and I get it and I've experienced it and I've seen it. Like, we all feel the same things, but don't convince yourself you're special

and you're different. You are, but not the way that you feel. The way that you feel, you can relate to any other human being that breathes. Like, we all share it, okay? So now I'm gonna tell you how I got out of this place I was stuck in. So, I looked gonna tell you how I got out of this place. I was stuck in so I Looked at all the inconveniences that were happening and I was like what the fuck?

This is what I mean when I'm like okay I see solutions and possibilities on their own But then when I need to go into something I see all the other shit that I wasn't seeing before like it just takes a little bit of digging for me now And I just see everything I need to see. So I have all these inconveniences happening. All this shit I feel like is working against me and pushing against me and holding me back. So I looked at it all and I was like, okay, I have the belief that nothing in your life is against you. So I asked myself, how am I a match to so many fucking inconveniences? Like, what are these inconveniences allowing? What are they helping me with? What the fuck do I get out

of being a match to all the inconveniences and all the headache and all the shit that I'm going through? And I'm talking like, just little things going wrong. Like nothing lining up, everything being way more difficult than it seems like it fucking needs to be. That's where I'm talking about inconveniences. And my shit is ironic. Like the amount of things that have to line up for the things that happen to me to happen. It's like the inconveniences I go through, it's like someone is literally orchestrating it.

Cause I'm like no way this shit just happens. Like I can clearly see everything is lined up. So I'm like, okay, if I feel like something is lining it up, that means it's happening for a reason 100%. So what the fuck is the reason? So ask it myself, why am I a match to so much frustration? How are all these inconveniences serving me? How do you go into myself and be honest for a second? When I suffer for things and I fight for things and I feel like I have to overcome a lot, I feel like I finally deserve what I just got. So without all of the frustration and all the headache, I don't like to feel like things are just given to me.

Subconsciously, I like to suffer for shit because it allows me to feel like I deserve it So it's like if I say oh my god, I want this vape and it's just handed to me I feel uncomfortable taking it weird. I know right, but it's my little fucking thing It's a behavior in a subconscious belief that I've just like adopted and I'll go into that shit later But if I see something that I want and I feel like I have to jump a couple of hurdles to get it now I'm confident about taking it. I fucking earned it. I fucking deserve it now. It's mine and I have to jump a couple of hurdles to get it. Now I'm confident about taking it. I fucking earned it. I fucking deserve it. Now it's mine. And I don't give a fuck. The second thing I realized about asking,

why do so many inconveniences happen? Like how does it benefit me? Why am I a match to this shit? When I am frustrated when I'm working towards something, when I'm facing challenges and consequences, I feel more free to be truthful about the way that I'm feeling. I feel more free to be more direct, even if it sounds rude. Like, I get an excuse to not have to be so understanding. It's like, I'm frustrated, I'm pissed off, I'm going straight for what the fuck I want.

I don't have to worry about navigating other people's feelings and navigating the situation. It's like, I'm straight up just going for what I want and I don't have to hide the way that I feel. I see where I want to go. I'm pissed off trying to get there, but that's my goal. So it's like, I feel free to just be lying for it and not have to like pussy foot and like be considered it and sweet and like overly sensitive. It's like, I just, I get an excuse because I'm pissed off that I can

just straight up go for it and be honest about the way that I feel and the thing that I want. So feeling like I suffer for things and feeling like I have to fight for something makes me feel like I deserve it. So that was a real addition that came out of that. And then I looked at am I actually being prevented? Because I said I felt like I was being prevented. Like I was saying, all these little weird-ass things were lining up to like being convenient as fuck. But then I had to look at am I actually being prevented? And the answer was no,

because I just saw how everything being inconvenient and why I was a match to so much frustration was to help me. It allowed me to feel like I deserve something and to feel free to go straight for it. So asking myself, am I being prevented was a no. That's just the way I was looking at everything happening. Like, it's the way I was looking at the universe, it's like you're fucking preventing me. Like, it's not fair. I felt like it was very unfair. But then I had to look at my idea of how things are supposed to go.

So, in the universe and in the world and everything, there is contrast. There is good and bad. There is black and white with everything. So even with the things that I want, there are good and there are bad with the things I don't want. There's good parts to it. And then there's bad parts to it. But with whatever you go for in life or whatever you try to do,

it's not just going to be smooth sailing for anything or anyone. It might seem like that for other people, but it's because they're fucking hiding the truth. They're not showing how much they're suffering, they're just showing how much they're gaining. But that is the universal truth. Contrast, there's good and bad with everything. So I was sitting here telling myself, me going for what I want. I'm being prevented. I'm really not. We discovered all that. But then I looked at oh my god, it should be easy to follow my desires and follow my purpose. No, it shouldn't. It's not going to be for anyone because like I said, there's contrast and everything.

There's good and bad and everything. So for me to follow my purpose and for me to try and do the things that I do and make the content that I make, there's gonna be bad parts to it too. And it doesn't matter how pure your heart is and how pure your intentions are and how much you truly want to help. You're still gonna be shit on either way. Like you're gonna be blessed and shit on at the same time. It's just how it's gonna go with everything you try and do So like people even with ill intentions

There's gonna be good and bad with that like people with bad intentions They just want to steal and like make money real quick They're gonna manipulate people and like fuck them over for the money They get the positive of getting the money they get the positive of feeling successful And then they have the negative of everything that comes with that So they're gonna face frustration as they're moving toward it too. They're gonna face the frustration of getting to a point where they realize they've scammed all these fucking people. They no longer have clients. They no longer have people that want shit to do with them. So they got what they wanted but they lost everything at the same time.

Like they lost what's truly valuable. Does that make sense? Like it doesn't matter good or bad. Like they lost what's truly valuable does that make sense like it doesn't matter good or bad There's shit that's gonna come along So even with all these realizations. I didn't feel better because I was still faced with All right, I still have to fucking be strong like I still am back at that spot So now I'm gonna tell you how I got through that. I've had to pick myself up so many times I'm sick of picking myself up and you guys have no idea What I deal with emotionally and mentally because I see

Things that normal people don't see I feel things. No people don't feel like with people that have expanded awareness and higher awareness levels We see a lot, but when you expand and you're willing to feel things and see things, you can't control what you see and feel. But everything about those experiences is going to get higher. So in emotions, I feel emotions 10 times stronger than normal people. So the happy times I have are 10 times happier, but then the sad times and the painful times is 10 times stronger. And it gets debilitating at times.

So my strength has built because when I was like a sleep before I started waking up, it wasn't that hard to pick myself up because I didn't feel my emotions that strongly, but now I'm in a place where I feel my emotions to a point that they're debilitating to have to pick myself up out of that state Takes ten times more strength. So when I say my strength is exhausted. It's for many fucking reasons But this is the side of getting in touch with yourself and the side of self development that other people don't want to talk about They want to make it sound like it's all gumdrops and and roses and happy times and fucking peaches and cream. It sucks ass.

Okay. It's the best of the best and the worst of the worst. You can't say yes to only the best of the best without also saying yes to the worst of the worst. That's where I'm also talking about contrast. But getting in tune with yourself and gaining awareness like bitch, it gets rough. It's the most rewarding thing but your pain is gonna seem so much bigger because it is. You see it for truly what it is. You feel it at the level it's meant to be felt on and that shit is like not fun. So realizing all that shit was cute and fun but like I said I still felt so pissed off that I had to be strong. Like, just these realizations didn't set me free. I still had that resentment of like, okay, now I know all this.

I'm still gonna have to go live life with these new beliefs and these new outlooks, but I'm still dealing with that like, I'm tired of being strong. I can give you a visual. I felt like I was trapped in a hole, like deep in the ground. And it's like I keep trying to climb out of this hole. And every time I get up to the top of the hole, something kicks me the fuck back in. And I fall back down to the bottom. Or as I'm climbing up, my ladder breaks, or I fucking something happens and I fall back down and I hit the bottom. It's like, you can only try and climb out of the fucking hole so many times and you can only get kicked back down so many times before you just throw your hands up and say, fuck

it. I'm just gonna fucking lay at the bottom then. And that's exactly where I was. I was spaced for the decision of like, okay, I've been kicked down this many times so I can choose to just sit here or I can choose to keep trying. And this was one of the scariest things I've ever done and ever gone into.

But for the first time, I felt relief by throwing my hands up and just laying at the bottom and not trying to get out. Because your only options laying at the bottom and not trying to get out. Because your only options are to die or to keep trying to get out or you're going to be stuck in the hole until you die. It's like that's it. And I always follow the feeling of relief and it felt like relief to just sit at the bottom and stop trying because I knew no matter how strong I am, no matter how many times I climb up, something's gonna kick me the fuck back in. So when I say it was scary, what I had to do was

fully face the situation for what it is and where I'm at. Like if I feel like I'm ready to just give up, then I'm just gonna stop toying with that possibility and just do it. So I made myself lay like imaginatively like lay in the bottom of the hole. So the what I did in real life was I fully allowed myself to give up. I literally took a piss and I laid in my bed and I was like, you never have to get up again. You can lay here until you fucking die and just give up. Like I let myself just give up and I got to fully explore the freedom and experience the freedom of no pressure,

no stress, no headache, no, oh my God, I have to get up. Oh my God, I'm gonna lose all my social media. Oh my God, I'm gonna lose all my social media. Oh my God, I'm gonna lose all my clients. Oh my God, I'm gonna hurt these people by giving up. I just let myself lay in the bed. And I stopped reasoning with anything I felt. I no longer was thinking, oh my God, I have to get up to go do this thing.

I gave up. I mentally told myself you never have to do anything again. You're free to just lay in this bed and give up. And I made myself. But I said Leo, if you're gonna choose to give up, give the fuck up. You're not getting up to pee, you're not getting up to eat. Lay in this fucking bed and give up. And that's exactly what I did.

Like I said, I didn't judge how I was feeling. I didn't feel anything anymore. I was so happy to be relieved of all the pressure and all the fucking stress. I was under with everything I'm trying to do. It's like I don't have to think about the future. I don't have to think about anybody else or anything else. It's like I just got to give up. I got to relieve myself of everything and I just got to lay there.

And it was so fucking peaceful for about an hour and I didn't shame myself I just let myself lay there and fucking do it I didn't beat myself up mentally oh you're a fucking fuck up you're a waste like you just wasted your life I didn't say none of that because that's one thing I'm so worried about is like wasting my potential coulda done shoulda done woulda done it's like I didn't have to think about any of that for the first time. I literally just was free. Like truly fucking free. And it's like I just laid in the bottom of the hole and I'm like I never have to try

and climb out again. And I just was so relieved and so happy. But like I said, it only lasted for an hour. Because I got to experience the relief I was looking for. And I no longer had any pressure, no longer had any obligations, but I committed to giving up. I didn't let myself get up to pee, I didn't let myself get up to fucking do anything. Like I just laid there. After laying there for a little bit, I was like, okay, now what? Like I literally was just laying in the bed and I was

like, okay, this was fun, this was cute. But like I felt everything I wanted to feel, I experienced it all, I got relief from the pressure finally because I fully committed to giving up. And I allowed myself to do that. You can't just half-ass give up. You have to like fully give up. And that's what I did. That's why I said it was so fucking scary. Because I literally in that moment decided to throw my life away. As I knew it, I was like, okay, it fucking scary. Cause I literally in that moment decided to throw my life away. As I knew it, I was like, okay, it's done.

Like I was dealing with that much internally. I don't wanna say I was in that much pain, but kind of. Like I was just at that level of hopeless that I fully just let myself give up. I got bored. I genuinely got bored. And I was like, what now? Like to lay at the bottom of the hole to lay in my bed and just give up I was like well I'm still here like there's nothing left to fucking do it's like I'm just

there I got to experience no positives and no negatives I got to just experience true like neutral and that's not good for human being. We be getting bored. Like I said, it's just fucking, it's not fun. And allowing myself to get there, I realized, I don't actually wanna stay there. Like to not feel anything at all and to just live in neutral and numb.

I was like, eh. So then I started thinking, okay, if this is what giving up feels like, and everything in life is hard and difficult, and it all comes with positives and negatives. Like every time I try to climb out of this fucking hole, it's like it's gonna come with positives and negatives. But is there anything that I would be willing to say yes

to the positives and the negatives of it? Like in life, is there anything I want bad enough that I'm willing to suffer for it? And I'm not saying it's always gonna be suffering. There's gonna be good and bad with anything you decide to do. So I was like thinking, is there anything in life that I'm willing to take on the negatives

as well as the positives for it? And if nothing was ever gonna be worth it, like for me to be working towards something, it's like if I never truly got out of the hole, what would make me happy to just keep climbing? Like what about just trying to climb out of the hole would make me happy? What could I climb for?

Even if I never got out, like is there anything I would be willing to climb for that like I never got any reward out of the hole would make me happy. What could I climb for? Even if I never got out. Like, is there anything I would be willing to climb for that like I never got any reward out of and I never got anything out of? Is there anything I'm willing to suffer for was number one? And number two, is there anything that I would just try and go for just to try and go for it, whether I get it or not, because I just want to go for it? You know what I mean? And those two questions are what got me back in front of this fucking camera because this podcast and Doing what I do in my life and sharing the awareness I've gained is what I would do even if I never

Got anything for it like I would gladly just continue to do this just to do it because I like to do it so now I'm climbing with no hope of getting out of a hole. I'm just climbing to climb and that's what I'm now dedicating my energy and my goals to. Like I had to reset all new goals and I was like I'm done doing shit I'm not willing to suffer for. So everything I am willing to suffer for and do just for the fuck of it. Now I'm doing that. And I feel relief. I don't feel like I have to be strong. The whole obligation and resentment to like being strong is gone. Like I'm happy to go for the things that I'm doing now because I'm not doing it for an end goal. I'm doing it to do it. Like I'm sharing what I know to share it.

I coach people one-on-one to help them. I don't need anything back. Like these are just the things that I genuinely feel like energized to do. And these are the things I'm willing to say yes to all of the headache that comes with it just because I enjoy doing it. But this whole experience brought me a lot of new awareness

of like how I want to structure my life and how I want to live my life. I want to spend more time with people and friends and I've been making time for that and I feel so much better. And this does not feel like one of the times where I was having to just fight through and be strong. This feels like true strength. This feels like true strength. This feels like true resilience.

Because resilience is not how many times can you get up after being knocked down. Resilience is being able to keep moving and keep going through things. I feel like I truly have that because of all this shit that I realized and just went through. And also there's been a lot less inconveniences since I've like recommitted. Like it's just weird how it all worked. Like I realized and just went through and also there's been a lot less and conveniences since I've like recommitted

Like it's just weird how it all worked like I realized the shadow behind it and why I was a match to it But there's still our little inconveniences and headaches, but like now things are lining up For me and they're lining up in like a better Way and in ways that I haven't fucking imagined like I didn't realize shit could like happen like this. So it all flipped. Once I did the internal work of everything I felt like was lining up against me to things are lining up now to go with me and to help me. Like this has been some real life changing shit.

And if you want help with anything you're facing or going through or you just need a little direction, you look at the ass, you need some realizations, you need some awareness, you can work with me one on one. That's why I do one-on-one client calls and Zoom calls with people. I like to share and help and I'm able to truly do it and truly make the changes people need and help them really transform not just what these fucking self-help books do. Because I'm doing it to myself. Like, I will never teach something that I have not used on myself and have done first Like I know how to create the real change That's what you guys like what I share is because it really fucking works

So if you're interested in scheduling with me and you want to talk to me I'll leave the link to book a call with me in the description and also with this podcast I set up a donations page so for everyone that wants to support the podcast and show love, I have it linked in the description where you can make a donation. But also, every week between Sunday to Sunday, whoever sends in the highest donation gets a free one-on-one Zoom call with me.

So if that's something you're interested in, the links are below. But I also wanna get into one more thing I realized about this whole situation. And it's about feeling like I have to do everything alone and face everything alone Because like I said like I'm very aware of things and I tend to isolate a lot when I'm dealing with shit because I feel like I'm the only one that can like help me and Having to face everything alone or feeling like I have had to face everything alone

I also built my resentment to having to do shit and be strong. I'm like, I'm sick of fucking doing shit because I have to do it all alone, one, and two, it didn't continue, pissed me off. But I'm gonna give you permission right now to ask people for help, to ask people to help you, whether that's them doing something for you,

or just allowing people to comfort you. And I wanna break down a lot of people's fear of like being a bother, because me too bitch. I don't wanna be a bother to nobody. But allowing people to help you allows them to feel useful to you. Like with people in your life, friends, relationships, parents, whatever it is,

anyone in your life, they want to feel valued, they wanna feel useful to you. So if you're someone that just is strong and handles everything alone, people are never going to truly feel connected to you or feel like they can relate to you. Because if you never share what you're going through, they don't know that you feel the same way that they do. So if someone is always coming to me to vent and talk about their problems and ask me for help and ask me for advice, and I just stand here solid like I'm dealing with nothing.

If I never share back, it's gonna push them away. Cause who the fuck wants to go to someone who has it altogether all the time? Nobody. Like if you truly wanna connect with people, you have to let them know that you're struggling too. You have to let them be there for you, whether it's emotionally or do a favor for you

or ask you for help. Because there's times where I love to help people. I love my friends asking help people. I love my friends asking for advice. I love when people come to me, but I also need to give them the chance to be there for me also. It's a give and take. You have to do both. For many reasons, like I said, it's going to make them feel like they can relate to you. You're going to feel a lot more connected. They're going to feel a lot more comfortable because they don't feel like you're just this thing that's so strong and impenetrable.

Like I've been for so long, like they feel like you're a human and they'll be able to care for you more and they'll be happy to help you. Now there are certain people in your life that are gonna fucking make it seem like you having any type of need or needing any kind of help is in your convenience.

Don't go to those fucking people. Cause that's how I felt growing up. That's why hyperindependence developed in me. There were consequences anytime I needed something or wanted something. I was looking at it as an inconvenience. So I didn't want to bother anybody with anything I was going through. But I had to get through a lot of things personally to get to where I am. But these are some of the realizations I've had around that. With like the self doubt, the worry, the fear, it's like being hyper independent is keeping you distant from people. So like I said in my other episode on hookup culture,

we all wanna feel connected, we all wanna feel close to people. So you have to do the things that are gonna allow you to feel that. And the first thing is breaking down that wall. But breaking down that wall to the right people is not gonna make you feel like shit. It's gonna make you feel better than ever. You're gonna feel supported. You're gonna feel cared for. You're gonna feel seen. If even someone can just make you feel seen for what you're going through, like I see that you're struggling.

Just to feel like someone can see that is the best fucking feeling. Like I had a girl DM me on Instagram today and say like she loves the podcast. She was being so sweet and then she said thank you for following your purpose and that shit almost made me fucking cry because I felt like she saw me like she was basically saying thank you for following your purpose because it benefits everybody else like thank you For facing the struggles that you're facing and doing what you have to do to land in your purpose because everyone gets to benefit. So like it made me feel like all my suffering and all my work was for something. Like I felt appreciated. I felt seen. So stop trying to do everything alone where you can try to do it alone, but stop forcing

yourself to do everything alone. Understand you can lean on people. There are people who are going to derive joy out of being there for you. I promise, if you have not found them yet, they're coming. They're on their way. They're coming into your life. We're all a match to it

because we all have to be waking the fuck up. If you like this episode, leave it a thumbs up. If you wanna be more aware and less aggravated, hit the subscribe button and watch my future episodes. And let me know your thoughts in the comments below if this was helpful to you or not. Are you just want to let me know something? Leave a comment. And also, for the what would Leo do, leave me your situations in the comments or DM me on Instagram

because I'm going to start incorporating that. I'm excited. But I hope you learned something. Thank you all for watching and I will see you next Sunday. learn something. Thank you all for watching and I will see you next Sunday.