Aware & Aggravated - 44. Knowing When To Leave

Episode Date: October 2, 2022

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Hi friends, so shit looks a little different and it's gonna get fixed in a second But I recorded this episode yesterday. I'm hungover right now But I recorded this episode yesterday and the whole fucking like beginning part of it cut out So now I have to refill it and usually I would just shut the fuck up refill man added in But I'm gonna start letting y'all know when I'm struggling and shit's going wrong I'm struggling right now because I'm on gover. But too, I'm struggling because this fucking equipment, I don't know how to use it, I don't know how to work it.

This week's episode is gonna be about knowing when to leave someone because that's the fucking hardest shit to come to. So I'm gonna share everything I've learned and everything I know that will bring you clarity around your decision because if you're sitting there questioning, should I leave this person or should I not, you already know your answer.

But what you need is reassurance and certainty that this is the right decision to make. So that's what this episode is for. I'm gonna teach you everything I fucking learned and everything you need to ask yourself and everything you need to kind of see. Like all the new perspectives and shit I'm gonna give you, I've got you.

This is gonna get deep too. So buckle your little seatbelt. But after you listen to this podcast, you're gonna have the confidence that you need. And just knowing and finally seeing that you know you need to leave someone is totally different from actually doing it. Like knowing you need to do something

and then actually doing it, Twitter for Conversations bitch. But this is to bring you clarity about knowing when you need to leave. And this could be applied to friendships too, but this is mainly going to be geared toward relationships. And then at the end, I've got some things and WWLD, what would Leo do?

That's where I have you guys write in and ask for advice. You tell me your situation and I give you what I would do, my hot take on it. And I give you two examples of things to do in relationships and then I teach you how to manipulate your parents. take on it. And I give you two examples of things to do in relationships and then I teach you how to manipulate your parents. Or like shitty parents, like when your life is hard, like this girl stuck living with her parents and they're on her fucking ass. So I gave you guys at the end of this episode to wait to manipulate your parents, but stay tuned to the end for that. But one more little tidbit from hungover Leo, okay? One more tidbit for me before we jump into this whole episode is sometimes

One more tip for me before we jump into this whole episode is sometimes You need more than just caring about someone like just loving someone and caring for someone isn't enough and That's a harsh reality for people to accept but sometimes you have to love logically you can't always just Go with your heart like you have to it's like 50 50 like half go with your heart half love logically like you have to be smart and your heart will lead you Down a fucking painful path if you let it So that's where I'm gonna tie these two things in is following your heart and following logic because you have to love logically

too and a big thing with that is Learning to take yourself into consideration because if you're with someone who kind of like the scars the way that you feel or you're in a relationship where you're not looked after or like taking care of emotionally and like cared for who the fuck's left to take care of you if you don't do it. You know, so I will never teach you against yourself. So with that being said, we're gonna start jumping into this shit. So you're gonna notice the screen's gonna change, the lighting's gonna get

better because it's nighttime right now. Okay, leave me alone. But like I have recorded it in the day. So here we go. Enjoy the episode. So the first thing I want to say is if you're contemplating leaving someone, it's totally normal to be scared shitless babe. Like it's totally expected for you to be scared to be alone. Like if you've learned to live with someone, of course you're scared to live without them. You don't know what that's like. Like you're so used to having this person in your life or dating this person, no shit, you're scared to leave. We all got that fear of being alone, but when you're dating someone, it's like times 10.

And like I said in my breakups episode, when you leave someone or you break up with someone, you're not just losing the person, you're losing your entire life as you knew it. So of course, you're scared. Of course, you're hesitating to make this decision to leave or not. And when I say lifestyle, sometimes people are in relationships. I was in one personally where someone was way more well-off than I was financially. So it wasn't just choosing to leave the person, it was choosing to leave the lifestyle

I'd always wanted, too. But with that, I just wanna say, if someone having money is not enough for you to want to stay with them, that's totally fine. That's the exact boat that I was in. Money's fun, it's cute. I'll make a whole episode about all this shit. But money is not fulfilling.

And if that's the only reason you're staying in a relationship, it's financial security, I get it. But if you're someone that requires more from a person, I get you wanting to leave. And your decision should be to leave. Like if someone only can contribute money, and they are gonna neglect you emotionally and neglect everything else Like they can give you certain things with because of their money if you're not fulfilled

You're not fulfilled and you're not wrong or bad for it. So I want to reassure you with that first But straight out the gate you're going to outgrow people That's just the way things are you're going to outgrow people You're gonna outgrow everyone and a big thing people don't understand about relationships is people are constantly changing. Like as a human being, you're always, I don't want to say aging, but time is going on. And if you think you are the same person that you were when you first met someone and then a couple of years go down your stolen relationship, you're both totally different fucking people. So you have to have periods where you like reassess Everything going on and like what you want out of a relationship and especially if you're on a self-development journey

Like if you're all about the awareness like I am I'm a whole different mother fucker every three months Like I feel like an entirely different person. I have new thoughts I have new perspectives and outlooks on life. I have new desires. I have new goals and and outlooks on life. I have new desires, I have new goals. And that's why I'm in a position right now where I want to be single is because I'm changing so rapidly. I've been like this my whole life, but I change so rapidly. It's hard for people to keep up. It's hard for people to grow with me at the level that I grow and the level that I change because I'm not the type to hold myself back from my own growth and my own expansion. And if you're with someone who is resisting growing with you,

they're attached to the person you were when they met you. They're not here for the person that wants to grow and get better and develop and change. Like if someone is locked in with who you were, that's who they're going to expect you to be. So if you start growing and improving your life and improving yourself and everything about you, like the self development shape, the journey I thought about, because it's a goddamn journey, they're not going to be able to handle it and they're going to hold you back from it. So you might get to a place where it's like a standstill of like me or them, my growth or this relationship. And also with people, you don't truly meet them until you spend time with them. Like as

time goes on, is when you truly meet someone. Cause like when you first meet and you have a relationship and it's all fun and it's good and everybody's on their best behavior. You need to see someone struggle first. Before you think that you know them. You need to spend a lot of time around someone and be with someone for a while before you can even say I know you. If you have not seen

them act in emotional states, you don't fucking know somebody. Because as soon as you see somebody how they behave when they don't get something that they want, you might realize that's not someone I want to be with. Same thing with struggle. Like when you watch someone struggle, you don't know them until you see that. You don't know who they truly are and how they truly behave and how they handle things and with saying people are on their best behavior in the beginning Yeah, I said it and that's the fucking truth But the main question with all of this I want you to ask this little tidbit. I was talking about is ask yourself Do there are words that they were telling me in the beginning match up with their actions now because when it's the honeymoon phase

And everything's great and peaches and cream and it's beautiful and fun and they're like the most perfect person you've ever met are all their words that they were like selling you on in the beginning matching up with their actions. Like a lot of people like to talk about all want to build an empire with you. I want to do this. I want to do that with you and they sell you on this shit and then they get you. You need to evaluate. Are they acting on what they said? Are there words matching their actions? Are they keeping up on promises? Are they keeping up on ideas and suggestions and stuff that they were talking about in the beginning? Or have things changed? Or can you see now it was just their fucking mouth

running, you know? And when I say when people feel like they get you, a lot of a relationship is like people pursuing each other. You're excited. It's fun. It's like, Oh my God, you're like going at each other. And it's so fucking great. And then they feel like they get you. And if you're with someone that feels like they got you and they got the security and stability, a lot of people will start slacken the fuck off with the actions that it took to get you. So like the way that they treated you before they felt stable with you will be different once they feel stable. So like the way that they treated you, before they felt stable with you, will be different once they feel stable.

So like I said, everybody's on their best behavior. They're doing all this shit right. But then as soon as they feel stable, I can no longer have to get you. Like once they feel like they get you and they have the stability with you and they're secure in their relationship with you, a lot of people slack the fuck off.

And that's totally grounds to break up with someone because they're painting an image of who they are and how they're going to treat you. And then you get into a relationship with them and time goes on and this person dies. This is who they truly are in a relationship. They were doing all this fluffy shit and treating you nice because that's what they felt like they had to do to get you. But now that they got you, you have to evaluate them like two different people.

The person that I was talking to that in the beginning, are they still the same person? Are they still treating me the same way? Do they still make me feel cared about and valued and cared for and considered? Do they make me feel good about myself? You need to evaluate, is that person still who you're in a relationship with or have they flipped? Have they switched? Because if they have switched, that's grounds to break up. And I'm gonna give you that reassurance. That's a bait and switch. Like they behave a certain way to bait you.

And then once they get you, they switch up and they expect you to stay, fuck that, fuck that. There needs to be a lot of communication that needs to happen. You need to talk about the things that you're experiencing and talk about what you're unhappy with. But if you've noticed a drastic switch in a person between when they were trying to get you and how that they have you, you're allowed to leave them for that. A hundred fucking percent.

I don't give a fuck if they think it's unfair. It's unfair to you to expect yourself to stay with someone that did that shit to you. That ain't cool. You need to talk about it and bring it up to them and be like, what happened to that person? Where's all that? I miss them. You know, you need to talk about it and bring it up to them and be like what happened to that person? Where's all that? I missed them, you know, you need to talk about it first But if you're at a point where you've talked about it and Nothing's changed. That's your first sign. You need to fucking geo out the D.O

My next point kind of ties along with that so In the beginning of like talking to someone like a beginning of relationship like you feel valued valued, you feel good, you feel appreciated, you feel all these good things. Do you still feel that way? As time goes on in the relationship, do you still feel valued, do you still feel appreciated, do you still feel like this person truly likes you? And I don't want to go too much deeper into that, but you know what I'm about to say. That's another sign that you're needing to go is if you no longer feel valued or appreciated. And I've lived my life where if I don't feel valued wherever I'm at, I do not make

myself stay there. I will get the fuck out. And it started when I was 12 years old. And I moved out for the first time I ran away from home because I didn't feel valued. So I fucking bounced. And I made a commitment to myself. I will never stay somewhere. I don't feel valued or appreciated. And I've had to leave a lot of situations

I've had to leave a lot of people. I've had to leave a lifestyle I've always dreamed of because I did not feel valued and appreciated but I've kept that promise to myself no matter how much pain it comes with because I might lose everybody else, but at the time that you choose to leave somewhere you don't feel valued, you choose yourself in that moment. You come back to yourself. It's like the best thing you can do for yourself in your relationship with you is to never leave

you and to never discard yourself and allow yourself to stay somewhere you don't feel valued. It's like, fuck that shit. So my next point with knowing when to leave, do you have to discard part of yourself or discard yourself in the way that you feel in order to stay with this person? Like do you have to ignore certain things for the relationship to work? And this can be like past hurt that has happened. This could be disrespect that has happened that the person will not talk about it. The person can't own up to their shit. It's like, do you have to put aside the fact

that you've been disrespected and do you have to put aside the fact that you've been hurt before in order for things to work? Like if there's no grounds to talk about it, the relationship's done. You should never have to discard yourself or anything that you feel in order for the relationship to keep going. Like if you bring a certain

thing up that hurt you, they'll like freak out or they make it like your fault and they don't want to talk about it and it's like a big fucking deal. That's not gonna go nowhere good. And especially with feeling stupid. If you're in a relationship with someone that has done something that makes you feel stupid and they can't talk about it or like bring it up, it's always a fight or whatever it is. If you have to put to the side the fact that you feel stupid, especially disrespected, but like if you feel stupid and you have to put that to the side in order to stay with this person, you're throwing yourself to the side and choosing this other person over yourself. And I'm sorry to put it that way to you, but that's what the fuck it is.

Because you're having to tell yourself, shut up, I don't care that you were disrespected. I don't care that you feel stupid. And I don't care that you've been hurt. I'm staying with this person. You're turning against yourself to stay with them. So that's where I say, do you have to discard yourself or throw something about yourself to the side for the relationship to continue? That's a really fat fucking sign that you need to leave. And another really big thing about that is boundaries. If you don't feel like you can set boundaries or you have to let go of certain boundaries

in order for a relationship to work, same thing applies. Get the fuck out, all right? Cause that's the same thing as throwing yourself away. You're having to throw parts of yourself away to be close to this person. You're never going to feel truly attached to them. You're never going to truly feel loved unless you bring all of yourself forward. You have to bring the party that feels stupid forward.

You have to let this person see this part and take care of this part and care about that part too. You can't bring a part of you that has been hurt before to someone you're in a relationship with and allow them to tell that part to shut the fuck up. It's invalid, it's to someone you're in a relationship with and allow them to tell that part to shut the fuck up it's invalid it's stupid your reading the situation wrong it doesn't matter get over it that causes me to go into fight or flight I'm sorry you feel that way just get over it I want to knock a fucking hole in your goddamn forehead when people say that shit to me but if you try to bring that to somebody else and they dismiss that part of you in order to stay with them, you have

to do the same thing. You have to throw that part of you away too. And I will never teach you against yourself. All right. So leave the fucking ass. All right. The next way you can know if you need to leave is if you've communicated something to your partner that you want or don't like, and they haven't changed it, they put you in a position to choose you or them. And that's what that keeps coming back to is like, if they ever put you at odds with yourself,

do not ever choose somebody else over yourself. Trust in the one bitch, it's on my hand, and I'm gonna remind you every fucking episode I make. Do not ever choose anyone over yourself, unless it's your child. Then I'm down for choosing your child over yourself. Once you bring a kid into this world, your life as you know it is done.

You no longer live for yourself. You live for that fucking child. That's my opinion. I know it's not spiritual. I know it's not what everybody else says. I'm old fashioned. I don't play that shit. You're fucking kid is your number one.

You come second. But if you're with someone and you've told them and communicated with them, something that makes you uncomfortable makes you unhappy, something if you're with someone and you've told them and communicated with them something that makes you uncomfortable Makes you unhappy something that you don't like or something that you want more of like I want to feel more valued I want to feel more appreciated do not ever fucking ask someone to do more for you to make you feel more valued You better fucking leave all right? Let me just not be so aggressive all right, but my little heart gets hurt I can deal with a lot, but to think about you guys

dealing with this shit too, like I wanna grab you by your fucking little face and like save you from this situation. Like that's why I get so amped up. It's like I'm not being tough. I'm not attacking you guys, but my fucking heart goes out to you because I get it. And to think about you guys dealing with this shit,

like I literally get the chills. Like to think about you guys going through these shit, like I literally get the chills, like to think about you guys going through these situations And staying somewhere you don't feel valued, like I literally like fucking breaks me, like I want to save all of you But I can't, like you all have free will, you have to do it for yourself But I'm gonna give you everything that I know that will help save you But yes, if you've communicated to somebody that you don't like something or you do want something and they don't make an effort to change it, what they've just done is removed themselves from the decision you're gonna make of staying with them or not. Because you're basically by communicating, I do want this, I don't want this.

You're bringing them in on you making a decision about the relationship. But if they've shown you through their actions, they're not gonna change fucking shit and they don't care about doing things that make you feel more comfortable or make you happy. If they've shown you, they're not gonna change it. You removed them from what you're gonna decide to do about the relationship.

You no longer are gonna go to them and talk about your unmet needs and what you like and what you don't decide to do about the relationship. You no longer are gonna go to them and talk about your unmet needs and what you like and what you don't like. You did that. You gave them the chance to make the relationship work. Now, you do what the fuck is best for you. You pick them up and you drop them out of this decision you're gonna make, all right?

So now all you take into consideration is your God damn self, because that's all they're fucking doing. You give people the same courtesy and the same consideration that they give you. And if they're not doing anything to help you or change anything or like help you stay with them, discard them just like they did you. Trust me, you're gonna be the one that got away, they're gonna freak the fuck out.

As soon as you leave them, they're gonna start doing all the things you were asking for because people are not fucking stupid. If you've been asking for something over and over and someone is not changing it, they know what they're doing. They're choosing not to change it. And as soon as you leave their fucking ass, is when all of a sudden everything that they haven't been doing, they'll start doing it. But that's just validation right there.

They've known what the fuck to do to keep you this entire time. But you do not go back because that has just changed behavior to bait you back. They're not fucking changed. They're not different. So if you're communicating with somebody and trying to get them to change certain things and they just won't, they're telling you, oh I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it and then they don't, they're discarding you. All right, that's just straight up what the fuck it is. I'm sorry to say it, but that's a sign you need to leave. As if you've said something over and over and over again, and there's no fucking change. You're justified to leave, and that's a big sign you should. Alright, next, do they expect you to be okay with things that they would not be okay with?

And do they expect you to put effort into like fixing the relationship that they wouldn't put in. It's like cheating. Like I'm gonna just go ahead and knock cheating out. Someone cheats on you, it's over, it's done. You can never repair the trust that is broken when someone cheats. You can try your best to create repair in a relationship, but you can never fully repair it. It's like if I take this glass and I fucking throw it at the wall and shatter it.

What it is is never what it's gonna be after I fucking break it. I can glue all the pieces back together in the exact spots. It's never gonna be the fucking same. It's always gonna leak. It's never gonna go back to how it was. Relationships are like that when it comes to cheating. As soon as you step out, it's done. So I don't want you to carry that guilt of Someone cheating on you and you not wanting to stay with them

You're fully allowed to leave because what you subject yourself to when someone cheats on you is Putting yourself at war with yourself and that person like you're the one that's gonna take on the burden of Not being able to trust them and overthinking and second guessing and every person. Like you're the one that's gonna take on the burden of not being able to trust them and overthinking and second guessing, and every time they text you, all I'm going to the store. Are you really going to the store? You're gonna be freaking the fuck out,

you're gonna be checking the cameras on your phone, you're gonna fucking show up at the store because I fucking would, I have. Like I've followed people. Like once you break that trust that's done, learn from my mistake, don't fucking put up with that shit. It sucks, but if you decide that you no longer want to take on the burden of trying to

be with someone after they've cheated, that's fully fucking justified and they can eat a fat fucking dick. Unless you cheat back, okay? If someone is coming at you that's cheated on you, saying you're selfish, you're not like, you don't love them enough, all that's in that, go fucking cheat on them and then make them deal with the repercussions of their fucking actions. Then they'll get to see what you're dealing with. Then they'll take on the burden too of what it's like to try and fucking make the relationship

work. And for you to go cheat back is not a fucking problem because the relationships are already done once they cheat. So you cheating is just to put them in your fucking shoes and show them it's truly fucking done, okay? Because someone can't fucking cheat on you and say I love you. That's not fucking love and someone who loves you will never fucking cheat on you. But I'm gonna just go ahead and knock that out like I'm very passionate about this entire episode.

Like I said, I'm not trying to be rough with y'all, but you gotta fucking hear it. And this is the shit that I need to fucking hear. But my big point about this is do they expect you to be okay with things that they would not be okay with like just flip the rolls. You got cheated on or they were just DMing someone on Instagram. They didn't actually go fuck nobody. They were just DMing someone on Instagram and you caught it and you freaked the fuck out and you were like mad about it and they act like you should just be cool with it and forgive them and get over it. Would they act the same if they were in your shoes? If you were the one talking to somebody else, would they just get over it?

Would they just not feel jealous? Would they just not overthink? Would they just not want to go to your mother phone when you're sleeping? Cause I sure as shit would, I go through everybody's phone. And if you take one thing away from me, go through everybody's mother fucking phone. I go through my friend's phones too, cause I gotta see if you talkin' shit. Like I just like to know, like, we can have a whole fucking podcast episode

about going through people's phones and I'm gonna break that shit down for you. And if you don't agree with going through people's phones, you're fucking ignorant, all right? You're immature. People think it's immature to go through someone's phone. No, that's a tool. We'll get into another episode.

But if you're mad that I just called you fucking ignorant, go through your partner's god damn phone and face reality. People that don't go through people's fucking phones are too chicken shit and too scared of what they're gonna find. Oh, I trust them. You're a fucking dumbass. Trust, no one.

Trust is earned. Trust is not just given. It's like respect. If you want to be respected, be respectable. Do something to be worthy of respect. Don't freely trust anyone. Do not just unconditionally just give trust to someone because they haven't hurt you before.

That's like thinking a stove is not going to burn you because it hasn't burned you before. No, bitch, it's still hot. Alright, next question, ask yourself. Are you only staying with this person because the amount of time you've already invested? I don't know, that's a hard pull to swallow and a lot of people get trapped in that. Like, oh my god, I've already wasted so much time in this relationship. If I could just make it work, I wouldn't have to fucking leave. Okay. But I want to take you out of that perspective for a second and quit looking at time as wasted and like,

oh, I spent 20 years with somebody. I get it, but it's not time wasted. Because like if you're faced with a decision where like the relationship you're in, you fucking hate it. If you choose to stay in it, you're choosing to throw away the remainder of your life of the potential of what it could be. And what your life could be like without this relationship

without this hell you're living in. So the way you can kind of like reframe this in your head is look at this person like you have no history. Look at the person you're dating like you have no fucking history. I don't care if you've been together for one year, one month, 10 years, whatever. Look at the person objectively, straight the fuck up. If I had no time invested in this person,

but I know what I know about them, what I still choose to go forward into a relationship with them. So pretend that you've invested no time. Would you still want to go be with this person? And if your answer is no, that's how you know you need to leave. Because a lot of people get trapped in that. Like, oh, how far we've already been together this long. We have a kid together. We have a fucking dog together. Couples that get dogs, please, but a lot of people get stressed out about thinking that they waste the time just look at them and say Would I entertain or even pursue a relationship with them if I had no time invested and I know what I know now what I go forward with it and There's your answer

All right, this next one is a big one for me And there's your answer. All right, this next one is a big one for me. But look at your relationship and look at your life. Do you feel like you are limiting yourself and limiting the potential for your life by staying in the relationship that you're considering leaving? If you feel like you are limiting yourself and you're holding yourself back from the potential that you could reach because of the person that you're with, that's a sign that you know you need to go. Another way you can look at this is look at the potential

and the hope and the goals you have for your life. Is this person going to assist you in getting there? Are you stronger with the relationship or are you hindered by it? Is this person holding you back from it? Like being in this relationship, are you able to go do what you want to do? Like, for example, with me, and one of the relationships I was in,

for me to go have a persona online and be in the public eye, I could not have done that and been with the person I was with. They would have fucking ruined me. And the relationship would have went to shit. I felt like I was limiting myself by not getting online So that makes sense because I'm able to reach a lot more people and build what I've built and Before I built all of this I Had like this feeling of like this things I'm supposed to do and I knew I was faced with a decision of If I stay with this person I have to give up this potential and I wasn't willing to make that trade off. Like me giving up the potential for my life to stay with someone? Fuck that shit. Like I said I will

never teach you to choose someone over yourself. So if you feel like you're limiting yourself and you're limiting like what your life could be by being with someone that's a sign that you know you need to go. All right, this next one who personal, very personal. Do you feel like you're settling? You already know the fucking answer and already popping your head. Whether it's looks, whether it's personality, whether it's money, whatever it is. If you feel like you are settling in any way, that's fine. But it's a sign you know you need to leave. If you cannot choose to settle with this person without resentment, without getting mad about it

and without holding it over their head. Like every move they make, everything that they do, are you gonna secretly in the back of your head be like, motherfucker, you're the ugly one. Like, why are you treating me like this? Are you gonna have resentment? Are you gonna hold that power play? Because if you are, you gotta go babe.

Like I've been there. I've fucking been there. I've like where the fuck do you think you are gonna treat me? Like this. When you're in a relationship, you cannot look down on the other person. If you choose to settle, you have to choose to see yourself on an even playing field.

And if you cannot choose to see the other person as equal to you and not that you're better than them, you gotta go. Because that shit will buck you up for multiple reasons, but that's just one way you know you need to go. Oh, man, trust me. If you feel like you're settling, you can choose to settle, but do not choose to settle if you cannot do it without resentment and the power play. Okay, next one's really big. This one's gonna help you a lot, but I want you to look at your

partner and just imagine for a second, what would need to change about the person that I'm with? For me to be fully 100% like, yes, I want to stay with you forever. Make a list. Literally make a fucking list of everything that would need to change. In order for you to say, yes, I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with you. Like I fully am ready to commit. What would need to change? What would need to be different about them?

This reveals everything that's missing that you weren't aware of, and also all of your unmet needs that you have. It's gonna flare all that shit up and you're gonna become aware of it. But then once you have your list, you know this person you're dating. I need you to evaluate,

is the person I'm dating ever actually going to be able to achieve this of the person that I would want to stay with forever? Like are they able to meet this list? Are they able to grow into this? Are they able to become this? Like evaluate the person that you know. You can see if someone has the potential of reaching that or not and not the fake fucking fairy tale potential. I'm talking, look at their fucking

actions, look at who they are, how they behave, what they do, how they operate. From where they are and what you've seen in their actions, do you feel they're actually capable of becoming that? Everyone has the potential to do anything that they're actually capable of becoming that? Everyone has the potential to do anything that they want, but I'm not talking about look at the potential, I'm talking about look at the potential of the actions they've shown, are they in line with the trajectory to get them from where they are to what you need them to be on that fucking list? You got to evaluate and be like realistic with yourself, do I really think that they're

going to turn into this or do I not? And it's very hard to face reality, but that's a good way to pull it out. All right, next way to know that you need to leave, what would you tell your child to do if they came to you with the exact situation that you're in? And I always like to bring up children

because it's so much easier to see the innocence of a child And to guide them and want to help them and be there for them But what I want you to realize is like the little version of you when you think of yourself as a child at no point Did that child die and you just became who you are? Your child self is still in you. I get chills every time I fucking, my nipples are hard, I can cut glass. Like I get chills every time I talk about this shit,

because this has been the biggest component for me making a lot of hard decisions, and I have to do it for little me all the time. Like I've become what little me always needed. I will never let him down. I will never hurt him like other people have hurt him. Ever. But what you're choosing to do to yourself and make yourself put up with,

you're making a child put up with it too. It is the child version of you, but if you want to completely dissociate from the fact that it's you, like a child is still inside you. And you're forcing that child to go through what you're choosing to go through. If you need clarity about whether you want to leave or not, ask yourself, what would I tell my child to do in this situation

if they came to me with it? What would I tell them to do? And why? If you can tell yourself the why with it also, it like taps you into a higher level of your own consciousness and you'll be able to really face that shit and that's your biggest chance at really leaving if you need to leave because like I said it's easy to make the decision to leave and know you need to leave it's hard to make the decision but my last thing I want you to ask yourself if you're considering leaving this is the thing that got me literally up off of the couch at my ex's house like I literally was scrolling

Instagram, minding my fucking business and all of a sudden awareness wants to hit me in the face and I hate when that shit happens but I love it at the same time. I saw a quote that said, do you want this forever? And I my phone literally was standing in my hand and I just like set my phone in my lap and I looked around the house and I was like No Like I hit me in that moment. I was like I don't want this forever Like even if this person becomes everything I want them to be it still just doesn't feel right with them So ask yourself do I want this forever?

And I want to go in deeper into the this because you can't make a decision based off of the future potential. You have to make your decision based off of what you've seen and what you're experiencing right now. Do I want this right now forever? Okay? The answer you need is gonna pop into your fucking head when that happens and I'm sorry.

I wish I never saw that fucking post, but it is what truly made me change my entire life and choose to leave. And that's when I chose to step out of the lifestyle that I've always wanted. And I'm talking like more money than you know what to do with. And I chose to leave it and go back to work And as a nurse because I felt like I was limiting my life and I knew I did not want that forever

Even though it was the lifestyle I always wanted and I was traveling the world and I was seeing all the nicest shit eating the nicest dinners buying the nicest clothes. I just That question will just get you, okay? And I know how fucking painful it is and I'm sorry that I had to say it to you, but that's what's gonna happen. Like, it's gonna trigger you out of it. So now let's jump into what would Leo do, okay? So I have three situations that I found

that I feel like will help people the most from things that you guys submitted. So I have three situations that people are going through and I'm gonna tell you how I would handle it or what I would do in your shoes. So number one, basically this guy was talking to another guy and the guy he liked was becoming distant and like not wanting to hang out. And he said to him, I'm just not myself at the moment and I don't know when I'll be myself again And he's kind of like detaching and kind of like pulling back and

In a situation like that. I'm gonna go ahead and tell all you straight up what I've always needed to hear If someone tells you any reason why they cannot be with you They simply do not like you enough If you wanted to we would bitch. I know everybody gets mad about that, but it's the fucking truth like Any reason not to talk to you or be with you or see you is a fucking excuse and I'm gonna go ahead and dead this issue right now I'm the most busy. I've ever been in my fucking life. All right I don't have time to fart barely bitch like I work on so much shit and I'm run run busy I've ever been in my fucking life. Alright, I don't have time to fart barely bitch Like I work on so much shit and I'm run run run go go go

I'm so mentally occupied with everything and then also dealing with myself emotionally like I don't have time for a relationship Like it would be such a fucking chore to get into one That's why I'm choosing to be single and that's why I've been single the last two years like I'm fucking good like I'm driving all of my effort and energy into my fucking self and doing what I wanna do in the world. But if Mr. Wright came along and fell in my lap and just like crossed paths with me and I valued this person enough, you best believe

I'm gonna make it fucking work. I'm gonna find time. I'm gonna put the effort into it. Because when you value something enough, you will fight to keep it. You'll put the effort into have it. So if someone is not putting effort into you, they don't want it bad enough.

They don't want you bad enough. And I don't say that to make you insecure and think something's bad or wrong about you. It's just the fucking truth of the situation. People fight for what they value. Like I said, I don't have time to fucking breathe. But if Mr. Wright came along and I know my Mr. Wright how hard they are to come by like my standards bitch, like I literally have a fucking scoreboard of all the qualities I want in a person. So if I found someone that finally met that, I'm not letting them go. Like I'm gonna fight for them.

I'm gonna find a way to keep them in my life. I'm gonna do what I have met that. I'm not letting them go. Like I'm gonna fight for them. I'm gonna find a way to keep them in my life. I'm gonna do what I have to do. So someone that truly wants you will do that. So if someone gives you any reason or excuse of why they can't be with you, okay? Got it. Wish you the best, but bounce out. Because what the fuck is that?

Like I'm not myself at the moment and I don't know when I'll be myself again. Does he just expect you to fucking sit there with your dick in your hand and fucking wait no fuck that we don't wait for nobody we don't wait for shit. Choose yourself and get out. Choose yourself don't get pissed don't be petty don't be mean respect their decision give them the space that they want take the pressure off of them by making the decision for them. They're not open to having a conversation if they're saying, oh, I don't feel like myself and I don't know when I'll be myself again. They're not trying to have a conversation.

They're trying to get the pressure off of them because they don't want to hurt you. So give them that. Relieve them on that pressure by making the decision without them to not pursue them anymore. Now, you can care about someone and still leave. You can want something and still not choose it And I promise you what you're gonna line up with After you choose away from someone who does not value you

You're gonna forget about that motherfucker in two seconds Okay, so the next situation someone's dealing with this girl was talking to this guy and the guy basically said to her I'm going through things and I'm going through a lot but you can't help me with it. So like the guy is not opening up, he won't allow her to help him with what he's going through. And my first instinct is like I get the reaction of like, okay, maybe he's kind of telling you, he doesn't want you in a polite way. like I'm like I'm just a burning fucking bridge you can't help me just let me burn like he's just trying to like scoot out but at the same time what I would do in that situation is give the person my presence and I would let them know

that I'm there for them I would like the chance to be there for them I would let them know that they don't have to face anything alone. So if things get too tough and you feel like you can't deal with it, I'm always here. You never have to go through it alone. Just think about if you had a wall up, what would it take for someone to say or do for you to let the wall down and let them in? That's your first attempt is to give your presence to someone, to give your support, and let them know that you're there for them.

Like, make sure you see them in their situation. Just say what you can to make them feel seen and validated, not judged, not like anything they're feeling is stupid or doesn't make sense. Like, just try to understand them. Go at them with the attitude of understanding, but I would just assure them like you never have to face anything alone. I'm here. And see where it goes from there. But if they give you some other bullshit excuse and

completely push you out and like close you out of a situation and won't let you in bounce out. Fucking leave. Okay. Because either it's an excuse not to be with you or there's someone that's never gonna let you in. So like I said, look at what it would take for someone else to get your wall down and then do that for them and then see what happens. All right, before we jump into number three, because I'm going to teach you how to manipulate people. I do want to say I have a donations page set up for this podcast.

So if you enjoy it and you like it and you want to support it and help me keep going, I'll put the link in the description where you can donate and whoever donates the highest amount every week because my podcast is come out on Sunday. So between Sunday to Sunday, whoever stands in the highest donation gets a free one on one Zoom call with me for 50 minutes. So we can run through any situation you have

because that's what I do for a living. But if you are interested in working on with me one-on-one, I'll leave the link to my application in the description because I like to gather information about people. I like to see how people answer the application to see what like level they're at, because I like people that can get deep and people who are serious. So if you want to work one on one, I've got you. Link is below also with donations page.

If you just want to support, but let's jump into number three. So this girl reshought to me and said, basically her job is really stressful. And her family's fucking awful. All right, and she lives with her family, but she can't move out. Because what she went to school with, she got a degree with something where like the beginning pay is like not enough

to like support herself financially, so she's having to live at home. But her parents are really hard on her. And she's dealing with a lot of like hopelessness and feeling like not good enough and struggling, and she's stressed financially, she's stressed about the future, she's dealing with all these emotions and all this shit.

So my advice, what I would do in your situation is manipulate the fuck out of your parents. And I'm gonna tell you the way that I would do it. So if you got a parent that's on your fucking ass, you gotta let them know that you're struggling. And I don't mean go to them and whine because a lot of parents would like shut the fuck up Quick complaining don't go to them like oh, I'm just so upset. I'm dealing with all this like mom and dad What the fuck like don't say nothing like that? I want you to go to your parents or you can go to one of them one off

I would do one off like go to your mom and be like mom I know we're at odds sometimes and I know we have our differences But I really need some advice right now because like I'm really struggling with some shit And I don't know what to do and I really want you to like Help me like just tell me what you would do. Give me some advice. I don't know what to do or who to go to that step one Because the bitch's guard is immediately gonna come down. Sorry. I'm gonna call you mom bitch But people can't continue to attack you when you're already hurt. People can't kick a puppy that's got like two legs.

Like if you do, you're a fucked up individual. But like if someone knows something is already vulnerable, they typically don't attack it. They don't lash out at it. They don't like fuck with it, you know? So tell your mom what you're feeling. Like open up about like I picked this job and I kind of regret it.

Like I went to school and I'm not making enough money to support myself. Like, I feel bad living here. I feel bad. Like, I'm putting pressure on you and dad. Let her know the guilt you feel. Let her know the hopelessness you feel. Let her know that you're so stressed and that you feel bad because you know that you treat her a little weird sometimes and like, you're just pulled in every

direction. You feel hopeless. You feel lost. You feel stuck. Let her know everything you're feeling and then say, Mom, what would just pulled in every direction, you feel hopeless, you feel lost, you feel stuck, let her know everything you're feeling, and then say, Mom, what would you do in this situation? Like, how do I help myself? What do I do?

And that is gonna force your mom to fully climb into your perspective, to be able to give you advice, and she's gonna get off your fucking ass quicker than you can even believe it. It's also gonna make her see that you feel some of the things that she feels and She's not just gonna be looking at you like you have it all together anymore because typically when you have emotionally void parents They just assume that you're strong and you've got it all together But when you let them see in and see that you're not like doing good drop your fucking ego for that one

All right, you're gonna have to I love a ego game, but there's certain times to drop it, but the whole point of all this is to get your mom off your fucking ass to hopefully ease your living situation while you're in it. Get some of the pressure off. Have your mom be a little nicer because as soon as you can fix the relationships at home, it's gonna be a lot easier to be there, but like opening up like that and asking your mom for advice and then go to your dad separately and do the same thing. It's gonna help them see that you're already like vulnerable and they'll most likely get off your ass

and quit attacking you. But the way that I propose that makes them get into your perspective, because you're not just going to them to complain, you're asking for advice. So they have to see where you are to give you advice. That's shit. You're good. You're golden. You're going to be fine. It's going to go so much better than you think, but do not attack them. Don't make the situation about them and how they

treat you and like how you don't like living at home. Make it about what you're feeling and what you're dealing with in your life. Trust me. So that's all I got for what would Leo do this week. I'm going to start adding it at the end of all my podcasts, but if you have a situation you want my hot take on like this, you can leave a comment on this YouTube video, but if you have something that's a little more private, you don't want everybody seeing like next to your name, DM me on Instagram.

My Instagram is the Leo Skeppy, so just DM me on there, but I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you wanna be more aware and less aggravated, hit a subscribe button. And if you like this episode, leave us video a thumbs up. And if you're listening to the audio version on Spotify and Apple Podcast, leave me a fine star rating. But that's all I got for this week. If you are in a place where you're trying to figure out if you should leave or not, I hope this episode brought you clarity. It's gonna be tough, but you got this shit, okay? You're more prepared than you were before. I'm gonna leave you off there. Thank you so much for listening or watching leave me a comment in the description And I will talk to you guys next week