Aware & Aggravated - 45. How To Trust Yourself

Episode Date: October 9, 2022

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Hi friends, so this week I want to talk about trusting yourself and we're gonna start off talking about how to actually repair their relationship with yourself and how to actually trust yourself and then I'm gonna dive into learning how to trust your own judgment so that other people's opinions don't fuck with you I'm gonna teach you my tricks that I've found for that because a lot of people be heard of my goddamn billions all the time well they used to now I'm impenetrable. You can't hurt my god damn balance. So I'm gonna give you all my hacks and all my little cheat sheets for that. And then at the end, I have three scenarios for what would Leo do. And that's where you guys write in and you ask for advice on your situation or whatever you're going through. So it's like, what would Leo do? I give you advice on how I would handle what you guys are going through. Like my little hot take on your situation. So that's coming at the end. But first, we gotta talk about trust in yourself. And the first thing I wanna do is flip your perspective around this for a second,

because a lot of people were like, well, how do I trust myself? Like, you don't know what the fuck to do, because that's where I was for so long. Y'all, I'm never making fun of you, okay? Because I used to be that motherfucker. But the way that I can flip this perspective for you and the thing that helped me the most was looking at,

okay, if you want to trust yourself, and you don't really know how to go about it, look at what would it take for you to trust someone else? Like what would someone else have to do? How would they have to behave? How would they have to treat you? In order for you to feel like you can trust them and rely on them. This is going to give you a whole new awareness about how you need to fucking behave towards yourself, alright?

And it's not going to be fun. It's really not. Give you a whole new awareness about how you need to fucking behave toward yourself, alright? And it's not gonna be fun. It's really not. It's gonna become like a full-time job for you to repair your relationship with yourself. If you're someone that doesn't trust themselves, so it's a lot, but it's manageable. And what I tell you in this episode is gonna help you a whole bunch, but don't get overwhelmed. But like you do have to understand, you are in a relationship with yourself. And you have a relationship to everything. You have a relationship to money. You have a relationship to food. You in a relationship with yourself. And you have a relationship to everything.

You have a relationship to money. You have a relationship to food. You have a relationship to friends. You have a relationship to your job. You have a relationship to having relationships. Everything in your life is about relationships. So that's realization number one. But that's the main thing that I do when I coach people

one on one, is I repair their relationships with different areas. So some people need their relationship with themselves repaired So some people need their relationship with themselves repaired, some people need their relationship with money repaired, or their joy, or their feelings. Like there's so many relationships that you need to acknowledge and fix in order to notice a difference. But the main point I want to hit on for saying,

what would it take for you to trust someone else and then flip in that towards yourself? If someone made a promise to you, you would want them to keep it no matter what. You wouldn't feel like their excuse was worth shit if someone came to you and was like, oh, I went back on my word or I didn't do what I promised I was going to do to you because I didn't feel like it. Because I was upset because I was this because I was that you're going to start being able

to weed through a lot of your bullshit fucking excuses because you wouldn't be comfortable with someone breaking a promise to you for something small, they best have a big fucking reason, they best have something substantial to give you as explanation for why they didn't keep their promise to you or you're not gonna trust them. So that's step one is you gotta be able to like call yourself on the bullshit excuses you give yourself and stop giving yourself excuses. So if you make a promise to yourself and you say you're gonna do something Think of what would I be okay with someone else breaking this promise to me? And what would I not like what would not be a valid excuse for someone else to break this promise?

And that will kind of give you a guide of like, how to call bullshit on yourself. Like, because you didn't feel like it, you was tired. Okay, you didn't do what you said you were gonna do because you were tired. You didn't eat clean because you were hungry and you just gave in to the way that you fell and you just discarded a diet. You said, fuck that, fuck eating healthy,

fuck your fitness goals and you just ate how you wanted. If you agreed to be somewhere at a certain time, but you're just like, eh, like you didn't prioritize your time good enough, like there's no excuse really. So my tip with keeping promises to yourself basically is just look at, when I am about to not do something, I told myself I was gonna do,

would I accept that excuse from someone else? So the next part of trusting yourself more comes to when you fuck up, like when you say you're gonna do something Or you say you're gonna behave in a certain way towards yourself or like whatever does you make a promise and you break it You have to make up when you fuck up So if you do something against what you said you were gonna do What would you expect someone else to do that hurt you or broke a promise to you?

You would expect them and would hope that they would put effort into fixing whatever damage they caused or put effort into showing you that they care that they hurt you or let you down. You'd want someone to show effort. So when you fuck up with yourself, show yourself by putting in effort to make up for it. Like if you fuck something up, make up for it. Like make it up to yourself that you fucked up. Cause when this happens, there's two parts of you.

It's like if you have a goal, there's part of you that wants that goal more than anything. And then there's part of you that's like, like I guess, like I want it too, but like I wanna do other shit too. That's like conflicting with what it's gonna take to get you there. So if you do fuck up and you don't do what it's gonna take

to get you to that goal, there's part of you that still wants to get there and feels betrayed by you. But if all you do is just comfort this part and tell yourself, oh, it's okay that you fucked up, oh, it's all right, it's fine. You have to stop comforting yourself when you fuck something up that you want. Cause you're basically comforting this part

and saying it's okay that you just betrayed this part that needs you to get to where it wants to go. Parts work is a very tricky thing, but I hope this is all making sense, cause it makes sense in my brain, but I'm trying to formulate it into words, and it always is like a little different. So like I said, when you do something

that you know you weren't supposed to fucking do, if all you do is comfort yourself and tell yourself, it's okay, it's fine. You're basically saying it's okay that you just betrayed yourself and what you said you to fucking do. If all you do is comfort yourself and tell yourself, it's okay, it's fine. You're basically saying it's okay that you just betrayed yourself and what you said you were gonna do. You're never gonna feel like you can trust yourself. What you have to do is own up

to the reality of the situation. You're like, okay, I said I wanted this thing and then I acted in this way. That's not gonna get me there. I fucked up. So what am I gonna do? Now that I am aware that I fucked up, like I'm not just comforting myself and telling myself it's okay. Don't beat yourself

up for it, but don't overly comfort yourself. Like sit in the discomfort and face the reality that you just fucked up what you said you were gonna do. So like I said, when you fuck up, make up. And don't just discard this part of you that desperately wants this goal you have, because if all you do is comfort this part of you and say, no, it's okay that you betrayed that part. The likelihood of it happening again is very high. So I'm going to give you a couple of examples of this dynamic. So like the one thing that relates to me right now is like, diet. All right.

I'm going to very strict meal plan right now because I have goals for the way that I want my body to look. And when I go over my calories or like if I just have like a moment where I'm like, fuck it, like, and I eat something like extra, what I'm doing right there is like putting myself at odds with myself. Okay, I ate more on my meal plan than I should have. And I've just thrown my goals off. So given this situation, given I have to face reality of what my actions

just did, I just fucked this up. What can I do to repair it? I'm gonna go get my ass in the fucking treadmill and do some extra cardio to burn off the extra that I ate. There's a way to repair it, and you need to do it. You can't just become okay and allow yourself to consistently fuck up. You have to make up for it. But the only way that you allow yourself to consistently fuck up is by not facing the consequences of your actions and just ignoring it and acting like it's not a big deal. It is a big deal because my whole thing with my Chloric deficit that I'm eating in, I'm eating less so I can like lean down. I

have to be in the deficit for like over the week. And if I fuck up and I eat 500 calories extra one day, that just fucked up like a few days worth of work. So if you do that consistently, I'm not going to lose weight. If I just shovel shit into my mouth, it's going to totally conflict what I'm doing and like negate it. Like all my work is going to be for fucking nothing. If I can't control what I put into my mouth so if I run into a situation where I have a moment of weakness where I eat a little too much or I'm like fuck I don't want a cookie I'm gonna go get my ass on a treadmill afterward and burn the cookie off one so that I feel better I don't have that gill I

don't have that like fuck I just fucked up all my goals like you have to face reality of like you did just fuck up what you were trying to work toward so you can choose to sit there and bitch and wine and be like oh my god I fucked up there oh my god way or you can look at what can I do to rectify it can I correct this in any way and then putting the effort into correcting it shows yourself you can trust yourself because if you do fuck up you put the effort into mending that. That's how you trust someone and that's how you'll trust yourself.

So sure, it's totally fine and it's totally normal to have moments of weakness. Nobody's a fucking robot. Nobody's perfect all the time. But like I said, the relationship with yourself, you have to show yourself that you care about what you want and your actions are gonna be in line with that. So if you fuck up, make up, and I'm gonna keep saying that. Another example for this is like, if you have a to-do list

of a lot of things that you know you need to get done and you push them off and you fuck off and you don't really like put effort into getting them done, you're like, eh, whatever. You have to face the reality of like you had that checklist of things to do because you are trying to achieve something in a certain amount of time, whether it's a goal or whether it's just like you need to fucking clean your house. There's plenty of reasons why you'd be doing something, but the whole thing is like timing. You're slowing yourself down by not doing what you know you need to do and what you've agreed to do when you made this list. So at the end of the night, if you fucked off all day and you didn't do your to-do list,

do whatever you can do on that list or the next day, make sure you get everything done. Because if you don't, if you just like slack off, you're slowing your progress. You have to face the reality of your actions. If you do not do what you said you were gonna do to track it, you're gonna slow yourself down. And are you gonna allow yourself to be slowed down

or are you gonna rise to the occasion and fucking fix it? And if there's ever a situation where you can't create repair or like fix damage that you've done, like with eating or like fucking up your to-do list, that's totally fine. There's ways to make up for that, but there are situations that you can't make up for. Let's say for example, you see someone out in public that you're really interested in you like them

You're like oh my god like they caught your attention, but you're too nervous You're too shy to go up and talk to them if you don't go up and talk to them And you just leave wherever you're at there is no undo. There is no command Z There is no retry. There is no like makeup for that situation If you wanted to go talk to this person and you just didn't, like it's just a stranger, you're never gonna see them again. If you didn't talk to them and you leave, very unlikely, you're gonna see them again. But sit in that panic for a second and that guilt of like, fuck, like I should have just went and talked to them. I'm never gonna get the chance to do it again. Like you're gonna notice you're beating yourself up for not taking the action.

You're gonna feel like shit, you're gonna feel discouraged. You yourself up for not taking the action. You're gonna feel like shit You're gonna feel discouraged. You're gonna be like, damn it. You're gonna be kind of disappointed in yourself So in that situation, there's nothing you can do to fix it But what you can do is realize in that situation how you're feeling and commit to yourself I'm not letting you go through that again. So next time you see somebody in public We're going to go up and talk to them, because I would rather you get the peace of mind and going to talk to them,

then going home after, because you didn't talk to them and beat yourself up mentally. So when there's no way to create repair in the exact situation, you're gonna have to wait until another situation presents itself for you to rise to the occasion and step up and do it.

But the first situation had to happen so that you could feel that fucking shit and be like, all right, I'm not going to let myself feel that again. I'm going to wait for the next opportunity and then I'm going to act on it. And then once you act on it, the next time it comes up, the next time you see somebody attractive in public and you go talk to them, you're going to trust yourself. Like, oh my God, you didn't make me go home and fucking wish and what if and think and like feel like shit and disappoint it.

Like you're gonna learn to trust yourself. Like you're not gonna allow yourself to feel those negative states when it's in your control. Like you going up to talk to somebody is fully in your control. So do you want to choose to go have peace of mind that it could have worked or could have not worked or would you rather go home and be like what if for the rest of your life if the Motherfucker at Trader Joe's would have been like the one Okay, so my next tip for trusting yourself is you have to act in line with your best interests and what you want

So to sit around and be like oh, I want this thing. I want that thing Cool bitch like if you just sit around and say you want this, you want that. Okay, cool. Like, but there's no trust that's gonna come with you or with anything that you feel like you will actually get what it is that you want. If all you do is ever just sit around and ask for shit and say that you want shit, you have to stack your actions with it. So when you discover that you want something, you need to put your actions in line with getting it. You need to put effort into getting what you want. That will build so much trust in you than you even know to say I want something and then to see yourself actually working

toward it. That's so self esteem boosting. And like that build so much trust in yourself of like, you're not going to be scared to want things anymore. Because a that's so self-esteem boosting, and that builds so much trust in yourself, of like you're not gonna be scared to want things anymore, because a lot of people are scared to want more and desire more, a lot of people hate that the fact that they want shit. But if you would just flip it and start realizing, okay, when I have a desire, I can change my actions to put me on course with getting that.

And then you will be shocked by how much you achieve by actually going for it. I know it's scary and there's a lot more that goes to it, but when you say you want something, show yourself that you're going to prioritize and try to get it. Like try to fucking get what it is you want. Take it into consideration. Take the fact that you want something into consideration and put your actions in line with it. Even if you don't know how to get there, motherfucker, just start walking in a certain direction and you'll figure out, am I getting there,

am I not getting there? But just doing anything in your control that will allow you to get to what you want, is gonna build yourself trust so much. Okay, next, we're gonna talk about feelings. Cause that's my favorite. I love emotions, I love feelings. Really, I fucking hate them, but I'm a Pisces

So I feel all of them. I have fucking plenty. You want some? You can you can take some off my plate That's totally fine, but you have to care about the way that you feel That period point blank done like nothing further than that you have to start caring That you feel certain things you have to care if you feel upset or hurt or uncomfortable or disappointed and you also have to care if you feel certain things. You have to care if you feel upset or hurt or uncomfortable or disappointed. And you also have to care if you feel happy or not. Like you should want yourself to feel happy. So it's not about just caring about the bad things,

it's caring about the good things too. Like you care that you get to feel the good shit. And you'll do things to make sure that you get to feel good. But definitely with the negative emotions, the feeling uncomfortable with the feeling upset You have to care that you feel upset you have to put your fucking brakes on like back to truck off and be like hang on Why did I just get upset what just bothered me don't just breeze past the fact that you're upset by something Look at the situation for a second and be like okay the fact that I'm uncomfortable does not sit right with me. Like, hang on, let me look at this situation, what just caused me to feel this way.

And what am I going to do about it? Like, just genuinely taking an understanding of why you feel the way that you do and not just attacking yourself or dismissing yourself. So, if you have a situation happen and you get upset or you get sad, instead of just being like, oh, quit being a fucking bitch, like sometimes you have to do that. But look at, wait, why did I just get upset by that? Even if it seems small or seem stupid, take a genuine, like, curiosity standpoint and try to understand what just happened there. Why am I feeling upset? Because as soon as you see why you're upset, you'll see that it's very much valid and you'll be able to move forward

But if you just ignore the fact that you're upset, you're never gonna trust yourself Ever. Because when you get upset, you just sleep it out of the rug. You don't gonna fuck how you feel. You're never gonna trust someone like that. You would never trust someone else Who just discarded the way that you fell and did not care that you were upset. Like if someone walked in and saw you fucking bawling your eyes out and they just walked in and was like, oh, and they went in the kitchen and started making food.

Like they're just not gonna acknowledge you or like anything, it's like, are you done yet? Like if they're just gonna look at you like that and dismiss the fact that you're upset, you're never gonna trust that person, you're never gonna feel like they care about you, you're never going to feel good around them. But if they walk in the door and show concern that you're upset, what happened?

Why are you upset? What's going on? That's a whole different energy. So you have to have that towards yourself too. You have to care that you're upset or that you feel anything. And with that comes my next point about trusting yourself, which is if you're uncomfortable, show yourself, you will change something. And that can take a lot of fucking forms, all right.

And also it's like standing up for yourself, but I'll get to that in a second. Like you have to show yourself that when you're uncomfortable, you care about that and you want to change that. You have to show yourself, no, I want you to feel better in this situation. I don't want you to just sit there and suffer. But then the standing up for yourself part comes in with showing yourself that you care enough about the way that you feel to take on the consequences

of you making a change. So this is just a stupid fucking example. I don't know if I've talked about it before on the podcast, but before I started my whole like caring about myself, journey, like when I would be on a flight, like on a plane, I like to sit on the inside, like away from the aisle, like by the window. One I'm very big, I'm six foot seven so I'm very broad. So like when I'm in the fucking aisle seat, people be bumping into me and putting their

shit all over me, I don't want to fucking be touched and I like a little window. I like to just look out the window and like see things. So whenever I get on the plane, I'm in the inside seat. So someone's always sitting next to me. So if I wanna get up and do anything, the other person has to get up. Cause like I said, I'm six foot seven.

I, there is no squeeze by, bitch. It's like my ass is gonna be in your fucking face. If I try and just go in front of you. So anytime I need something out of my bag or I have to go to the bathroom, I would have to inconvenience the person next to me and be like, hey, can you get up and like I would have to make them get up. And I carried so much guilt about that for so long. But the realization hit me one day. I was sitting in a seat and it was when I started to care about the way that I felt. I was like, okay, I have to fucking piss right now.

Like, I have to fucking piss bad. I think it was on like a four hour flight and I had like two hours left and I was like, Leo, just hold it. And then the new part of me was like, nah, I care that you're uncomfortable. I care that you're like borderline in fucking pain right now and you have to pee.

So I was faced with a decision of choose to force myself to sit there and suffer and feel good that I didn't inconvenience this person or simply ask them to get up so that I can go pee. It's basically me or them, but it's not even me or them. It's am I willing to suffer to not look like an asshole, but I thought like inconveniencing anyone in any way was like being an asshole, but it's really not because if I had someone next to me that had to fucking pee, I would have no problem getting up. Like at all, it's like, okay, hang on, like let me get my shit, like if I'm eating my little meal or whatever, it's like hang on, like I'll get up. Like I would not want someone next to me to sit there in pain Just because they don't want to like make me get up like I'll gladly get up But I just carried so much guilt for so long to like inconvenience people so

A lot of times I would just sit on planes having to fucking piss like a horse and just hold it like I would just make myself hold it But carrying how I felt started in that moment. I was like, uh-uh Like you're gonna sit here and suffer for no fucking reason. Or you can show yourself that you care that you're uncomfortable and ask them to get up so you can go pee. Are you gonna take the actions that are in support of you feeling better? And my whole like shift happened when I started doing that. Like yes, I am gonna show myself that I don't want myself to be uncomfortable. I'm not just gonna make you sit here and fucking whole like shift happened when I started doing that. Like yes, I am going to show myself that I don't want myself to be uncomfortable. I'm not just going to make you sit here

and fucking hold your pee and fucking like grab your stomach fucking hurt. So now I ask people to get up and like allow myself to go pee. And I know that sounds like a stupid fucking example, but it's so important. And like my trust in myself built so much after I started doing this because it's in the small moments. It's in everything little. Like it's such a huge thing. It's not like these giant moments where you're gonna be like, yes, I trust myself.

It's the small moments where it builds and you show yourself shit like that. Like I'm not gonna let you be uncomfortable. Whether it's in a relationship and I'm gonna leave your fucking ass or I'm gonna get up and go pee, cause I got pee. But then also with a situation like that you have to take on the consequences of What's gonna happen when you try and stand up for yourself? So I'm lucky where I'm very strong

And I'm I have no problem standing up for myself when I feel justified like as soon as someone dismisses me or hurts me I'm going to literally stand up for myself so hard you're gonna feel like I'm attacking you. It's like if I say hey, can I go to the bathroom real quick? Do you mind if I say something like that and I'm being polite and they want a cop a fucking attitude? Now I'ma look at you and say now get the fuck up for I throw you at this goddamn seat. Okay, like I'm gonna try and be polite But if you try and like back me down or something and like, you're not gonna take me into consideration, like I was being polite to you. I just didn't tell you to get the fuck up. Like I was being sweet and letting you know, like I

didn't like want to bother you. You know what I mean? Like if I'm gonna show you consideration, show it back to me. But if I ever feel like there's a consequence for me standing up for myself, I'll fully face that shit. Whatever comes along with it. But I do have that protector aspect of me that I told y'all came out when I got bullied a lot and he just, he takes over and he just takes care of everything. But yeah, you have to face the consequences that come with standing up for yourself

and wanting to make a change when you're uncomfortable. So even if someone thinks you're fucking crazy or they think you're rude or they think you're an asshole or they're like pissed off at you, so what? So fucking what? Do I care that Miss Little Betty Boop next to me on the plane? Is like pissy that she had to get up because I had to pee? Shut the fuck up bitch get over it. We're all human

we all got to fucking pee. I've never had someone like have a negative reaction. I'm just trying to give you an example with that one of like you're gonna have to face the consequences. But one more example I want to give around, like, standing up for yourself is, if you're gonna pay for something, you have to show yourself that you're gonna stand up for yourself and make sure you get what you paid for. Like, there's no reason for you to not get what you paid for. And I used to be like, I will take what people give me, I don't give a fuck, I'm not being an inconvenience,

I'm not being that asshole, that will, like, send food back or send drinks back. Like if I was at Starbucks or something, and they made my fucking order wrong, I would not say shit. Like I would just take it like thanks. Like if I ordered a coffee and they gave me some green tea bullshit, I'd be like, oh thanks cool, and just pretend like it was fine, because I felt like this is just fucking like asshole. To God forbid stand up for myself, But the whole mindset shift happened where I was like I paid for this thing And I'm not an asshole for making sure that I get that like if the barista barista whatever you are Like if they ordered something at an establishment They would want to get what they paid for too. So if I order a coffee and you hand me some fucking green drink

I'm not a dick for actually correcting it and asking for what I ordered, like letting them know politely, like, hey, like that doesn't look like what I got. I got the coffee, whatever the fuck, like whatever you got. Politely just helped them recognize that there's been a mistake and you didn't get what you ordered. You're not a fucking dick for doing that. And so much shifted in me once I started being like this, like, I am on people's fucking ass now. Like, bitch, I fucking paid for something, not give it to me.

I know when it's like, you act like a dick and you're entitled, I'm very polite, and I'm very like, cool, but I don't let nobody fuck on me. Like, you're never gonna fuck me around, and like, toy with me. Like, bitch, you're gonna come correct, or you're gonna make up for it. Like I ordered a couch like two months ago

and it said it was gonna be delivered in five to seven days. That fucking couch did not come for a month and a half and you know what I did every week? I was calling them, where is my couch? Where the fuck is the couch? And then after a month, like I gave them, they said it was gonna be delivered and like basically one to two weeks and After four weeks, I called them and said okay, so what I ordered what I paid for and what I clicked check out on what was Advertised was I'm getting this couch in one to two weeks five to seven days, but I'm giving you extra if I say two weeks

But like five to seven days is what I ordered. It's been a month. So what you guys advertised and what I chose to pay for is not what I've received. The product is separate from the time. You made a promise on time and a product. You did not uphold what you promised on time. So what are we gonna do to correct this? Because now I'm unsatisfied now. I'm like piss the fuck off Like you'll have fucked me around for like every week They would tell me oh three more days three more days three more days like I was three day to death like motherfucker Where is my shit? Where is my goddamn couch?

So I asked them what can be done about this like what compensation can it be had like what can go done about this? Like what compensation can it be had? Like what can go on about this? And I no longer felt like a dick for it because like I waited the time that I was expected to like get like I waited the two weeks, I waited the four weeks and then I demanded something. Like I'm not just gonna make myself get fucked on like that and make myself take it. Like nah bitch what I got is not what I paid for. So somebody's gonna correct it. Like I'm not just gonna make myself swallow that and sit here and be pissed off and secretly resentful at my couch because of the whole process. Like they sent me some money back and now I feel better. I'm like cool. I got the couch. It took two

fucking goddamn months but they corrected the situation. Like I feel better about the situation. It's like if you have something go on and you feel negatively, don't make yourself leave that situation feeling negative. So that's where I'm going to leave that. That was a whole fucking around the bush and a lot of examples. But I want to reassure you, you're not a fucking dick for making sure you get what you pay for. Like it's expected.

Anybody else in your shoes would do the same thing. Like you're not an asshole, you're not like inconvenient, you're not wrong. Like you're not like inconvenient, you're not wrong, they give you paid for something, make sure that you get what you pay for, don't just make yourself eat the loss. Like fuck that.

That especially is gonna show yourself that you can trust yourself. Like you're not just gonna be at the mercy of everyone and everything. Like if something doesn't go right, like if they keep fucking up your drinks, or you keep buying shit and they're sending you the wrong stuff,

like show yourself that you're not at the mercy of anyone and you will have it fixed so that you make sure you get what you want. Okay, so now let's jump into learning to trust your own judgment of things so that other people's opinions don't hurt your feelings. Okay, so the first thing is you have to look at and decide what you like and what you don't like. Like you have to look at what you think of things. Check in with yourself first. Check in with your own opinion.

If you're comfortable with something, if you like something or if you don't like something, I'm gonna give you a stupid-ass example. But like a vape, okay, it's green. It's like if I say, okay, I like this color. This is a nice color of green. That's not weird. Like, okay, you have an opinion, that's good.

You like green. I've already decided I like this color. And now it's like if someone comes up and says, that's the ugliest fucking color I've ever seen in my life. They're allowed to have their opinion. You don't have to switch yours all of a sudden just because someone disagrees. You're allowed to disagree with someone and still not lose them. And that's a lot of people's biggest fear with like disagreement and they just want to people please and go along with shit. But you're allowed to like green. Okay, you're allowed to like this color even if somebody else fucking hates it.

But the whole point with like touching in on what you like first, what you think first allows you to still have a sense of self and a sense of identity and a sense of preference with other people involved. So like if someone says that's fucking ugly, if you decided you like it, well I like it. If someone says that you're fucking stupid, like are you blind? That's the ugliest fucking color ever. Be like, okay girl, like I fucking like it. I think it's cute. There's green. You have to look at your own reasons for liking something. So I have my own reasons for why I like this fucking color And somebody else might not but checking in on like why you like something or why you don't is up to you

It's like my opinion on open relationships. I'm so fucking against open relationships Personally if other people want to go do them go do them someone I'm dating is never If other people want to go do them, go do them. Someone I'm dating is never going to enjoy someone else sexually while I breathe. I will cut a limb off of you, motherfucker. Like, it's not happening. I don't know how people do it. But other people have an opinion that open relationships work great for them and they like it. They're totally fine to have that.

I have the opinion of I would never fucking be okay with it and I would never like that. And I'm against that. Like, if you want to do it, do it. But like, I personally would never be for that. I have the opinion of I would never fucking be okay with it and I would never like that and I'm against that. Like if you want to do it do it but like I personally would never before that. Neither of us are wrong but I have my own opinion of what I think about open relationships. I know myself, I know the way that I feel. I have my own reasons for having that opinion. Other people might have a different opinion but when you look at your own reasons and you check in with yourself of like, why you do or don't like something, when someone else comes up,

like, I'm against open relationships, when someone that is for open relationships comes in, I'm not immediately just gonna bend to their perspective and agree with them and go along with them because I wanna be accepted. Like, I have my own reasons and I'm gonna stand in them. Like, I'm not mad at you for choosing that, but we can agree to disagree.

Like, we can totally respect each other's opinions. You don't have to just give yourself up in order to be close to people. You don't have to just give up your opinions. Nobody likes a copycat. Nobody likes someone that goes with the fucking flow and doesn't have their own opinion. That's one thing.

I know a lot of people are scared of like isolation, so that's the whole part about like, just molding to everyone else's opinion. But as soon as other people come around, if you throw away all your beliefs, all your likes, all your dislikes, all your thoughts, all your opinions, you're never going to trust yourself around people. You're never going to trust yourself. Period. Because what you're going to be looking to is the outside world to determine what you like and don't like. Like you're never going to feel a sense of stability or a sense of safety with yourself, you will never trust yourself. So when you have all of that on your own, you're more stable and you're more secure because you trust

and you know what you think, what you feel and what you believe. So the next kind of part with that is like you have to be able to hold space for other people's opinions without attacking yourself for having a different one. Like you're allowed to have different opinions than other people's opinions without attacking yourself for having a different one. Like you're allowed to have different opinions than other people, that's totally okay. And you don't have to bend your opinion just because someone else has a different one. Like you're allowed to have differing opinions

and you will one day come across someone that does not attack you for not agreeing with them. Like when people don't agree with me, I don't care. Cool bitch. Like if you don't agree, I don't mind. Like you're allowed to not agree. But if you try to attack me from my opinion, I'm gonna tell you to get fucked and shove it. Like I don't want to fucking hear your mouth. I'm not over your preaching my shit onto you. It's like people that are religious. Shut the fuck up. Shut up about what I'm doing. What I'm doing is against what

you believe. What I'm doing is not against what I believe you think you're right and I don't give a fuck Okay, so like I'm so against like people trying to push their views on everybody just shut the fuck up Let everybody do it the fuck they want to do like if I want to be gay leave me. I don't want to be gay But how you gonna tell me I'm going to help for being gay bitch. I didn't fucking choose it Okay, so if I'm going to help for that so be it. I'm gonna be in my window seat on the plane, like I talked about. So I'm gonna give you an example personally, because I have my own opinions of things, and getting on social media has made me a very strong person, because I have people talking shit on me, non-fucking stop. Anyone that disagrees with me, make sure to let me know, and they make sure to let me know that my hairline's fucked,

and I'm ugly, and I have one crooked tooth. It's like, girl, okay, okay, cool. Like, do you feel better, Peeley, that I fucking set up in that trickery, so hard, that you've got the need to attack me? Leave me the fuck be, I don't care. I literally don't give a shit. Like, I'm impenetrable now, you can't fuck with me.

And the way that I've gotten to this point, I'm gonna give you the process that I go through with this shit. So I had some fucking dumb ass, and I'm gonna emphasize dumb ass. Comment on my green flags podcast episode and say, Leo, like all I learned from this is that you're fucking immature. I would never take advice from you. You have a lot of growing up to do your toxic, your this, your that. And they like discarded everything I said

in the episode because they didn't agree with it. Now, at first, I was like, oh my God, like it made me like hesitate. I was like, wait, did I post about episode? Like did I say some fucked up shit? Or what? So instead of immediately attacking myself and being like, and like freaking the fuck out and thinking

that this person was right, I said, hang on, let me go rewatch my episode and I'm gonna assess my own judgment of what I said. So I went back and I rewatched my episode and there are certain things that I understand would be triggering for people. I get, not everybody's gonna agree with everything that I say and you don't have to. This is just what you watch me because you want to know what the fuck I think. What the hell? But I rewatched my episode and I was like okay there's things I can see people would disagree with but a lot of the things that I

said were like next level fucking mature and next level awareness like people aren't spit in the shit that I fucking spit on YouTube or on the internet. These people are fucking dumb. They read a fucking self-help book and think they know it all. I've been through real life. I went through the school of fucking life and getting your shit fucked up with no one to help you. When you have to save yourself is when you know what the fuck I know. So, I was watching my episode back and I was like, okay, I can see how he would disagree with these things. But all the rest of my episode, like, it was such good information. I'm like, okay. So clearly he's just a triggered little fucking bitch that needs to discredit me.

If you're gonna say, I disagree with some of the things you said, fine. But the fact that this dude took it upon himself to say, your entire episode was toxic. Your entire episode was immature. Right there, I cannot trust your judgment, you're fucking idiot. Cause like I said I understand a couple of things you disagree with, but to try and write off my whole episode as fucked up and toxic in immature, grow the fuck up bitch. Cause if you actually listen to that episode, there's so much wise shit in it. So that's where I immediately threw that comment out of my mind and I was like he can go fuck

himself like I didn't let it affect me anymore because I assessed the episode and watched it and with my own logic and my own reasoning and my own opinions I decided okay it's not a bad episode and for him to make a claim like everything I said was immature it does make sense. Because I spit some of the most mature shit you can do in a relationship. And so for someone to throw a fucking label on the whole thing, wipes out their opinion completely. And that's how I let it not affect me. Like I have people talk shit on everything I post. Like every single thing I post on the internet,

someone is running a little rat fucking mouth about it. And I have to reassess everything I post all the time. Like I am aware when people have valid points. Like I get it bitch. Like sometimes people is right. I'm a lot more right. But I do fuck up sometimes and I do say some shit where I'm like alright. Like my last episode like I was so aggressive about checking people's phones but after thinking

about it I was like okay I understand where people are at when they don't wanna go through someone's phone. Like, they are scared of what they're gonna find and people are not like against going through people's phones because they're stupid or immature. They're scared of what they're gonna find. They're genuinely terrified and they're scared to get hurt. So for me to be screaming and flailing about

and yelling that you're fucking stupid, that's not the best approach, because I can see where they're scared to get hurt so for me to be screaming and flailing about and yelling that you're fucking stupid That's not the best approach because I can see where they're at like I'm aware when I fuck up I'm aware when like I'm too harsh but with that I'm also aware when I'm fucking right and like the situation with this dipshit comment on on my green flags video Like now I just think it's so funny and I hope you still watching me bitch I hope you're still fucking watching that's weird to me why my middle finger is still up like for you to have someone you disagree with so heavily and you're watching all my shit you need to go get checked out a screw is loose probably multiple you might even be missing a few because that's weird fucking behavior

I'm not gonna watch someone I hate I'm not gonna spend my time on this earth watching someone that I fucking despise. You got issues, babe. And that's beyond your fucking awareness. But like I said, if someone says something, address it for yourself. Assess what they're claiming before you immediately assume that they're right. Like, you can't trust people. I know I always say don't trust nobody, but I trust you know what?

It's tattooed on my hand for a fucking reason. In this life, you're meant to like learn to trust people older than you, and like, you're supposed to be able to rely on other people's opinions, but people have their own fucked-up shit. Like, they don't want what's best for you. They're intimidated if you're better than them. They will guide you in the wrong spot. People have ill intentions.

Like, there's so much you can't trust and people are fucking stupid sometimes and sometimes they don't have the mental bandwidth to even grasp what the fuck you're talking about. So their opinion is not going to be relevant. Their judgment is not going to be relevant. So you can't trust other people's judgments and that's like a sad thing to learn because like the typical thing is like you trust your elders, you trust people who are older than you because they can guide you. But I've surpassed a lot of fucking older people than me like I'm 24 operating at 54 mentally Like I was in shit where no one could help me and I learned that you can really trust no one Just because someone's older you still have to evaluate what the fuck they're saying so don't just

Automatically assume everyone is right about anything. Do your own research, come to your own opinions, but certain situations listen, god damn it, like the doctor, like go listen to the whiter the fuck a doctor says, go to like 5. Don't ever just trust one opinion from a doctor, go to like 5 and get like a consensus, but there's certain areas where you need to just trust what people are saying, but when someone is criticizing you, evaluate that first. Why would someone need to be saying this and is it even fucking true? Because like I said, the whole episode was not shitty. There's just parts you didn't agree with and you didn't know how to deal with yourself because you

were triggered. Not my fucking problem. Alright, now let's jump into what would Leo do. I'm going to read three situations that y'all wrote in and I'm going to tell you what I would do and give you my little guidance on it. So the first one is a girl who feels really stuck in life and she's wanting to move somewhere else and she's working in real estate and she's like overwhelmed by all the shit she's got going on and she feels stuck because she wants to move and like make a transition and like level herself up but she's worried about everything going on and she feels really stuck in life so my advice to anyone that's stuck in life where you feel stuck number one is the awareness you're not actually stuck and I know it's a lot easier said than done because like I could choose to jump out

this fucking window right now but I'm choosing not to like if I feel stuck but I could just jump out right now like you're in control you have free will you can do whatever you want at any moment but that's kind of fucking stupid to say, like a lot of people just act like that's the answer. It's not the fucking answer, because it doesn't feel that good. But the reality of the situation, and when you feel stuck, is you're standing in a place

where with any move you make, you feel there is gonna be negative consequences for it. So you don't move. It's like it's safer to just not decide because you get to avoid the pain that's gonna come with either decision. So, like with this girl, for her to go for her career and move, she's gonna have to leave her family and move away from them who she's very close to.

But, to stay with her family, she has to choose to limit herself and her career in what she wants for her life. So, if you truly to get unstuck, I want you to make a list of Everything that's gonna come with any decision that you make any fear that you have any worries that you have Literally write it down in a list because when you get shit out of your head and you can look at it It's a lot less overwhelming So if you have a full list of like the pros and cons of each decision, you can then look at okay Which list of consequences am I more willing to choose because

You have to choose you have to pick one Universe thing will let you stay still But also in order to build trust with yourself you have to see You're in a position where you're very uncomfortable, you feel stuck, and it's not an enjoyable sensation, like you're holding yourself back from either avenue, which is not fun. So, in order to show yourself, you can trust yourself, you have to make a move, you have to make a decision, because not making a decision makes you sit in a place of indecision, until something is chosen for you. By whatever happens, whatever circumstance that's going to switch and you're forced into one of the other,

that's not a situation where you're going to build self-trust. The way you build self-trust is taking an action and choosing your action and choosing your consequences and not just allowing some like greater force or different circumstances lining up where it ones no longer an option. You don't just wait for shit to happen to you. You choose it and you propel yourself forward in the direction of what you want. And doing that puts you in an empowered place and you're gonna feel safe with yourself and you'll learn to trust yourself.

Okay, so situation number two. There's a girl who is in nursing school and she's very, very busy and she swore off relationships. But this guy came along and she said don't mind if I do So she's pursuing this guy and she's been seeing this guy But she's extremely busy and she's not able to see him more than like once to twice a week and she's concerned and worried That her inability to see him all the time and be super attentive is gonna make him want to leave her So first thing I'm gonna say is valid concern see him all the time and be super attentive is gonna make him wanna leave her.

So first thing I'm gonna say is valid concern. It's totally normal to feel scared about that. It's totally normal to be worried about that. But first thing I would do in your situation is address that concern with the guy. Be like yo, be like I know I'm super fucking busy but it makes me anxious and it makes me concerned that like you're gonna pull off or like I'm not to be able to be as present as you want me to be like I have a concern that you're going to like up and leave. So first thing is talking to him about it.

And then in order to repair the relationship with yourself, I want you to look at what about you makes it hard for you to just discard. Why is it hard to leave you? So why would someone be willing to only see you once or twice a week? What about you would make them be able to say yes, like I'm willing to see you a little bit less as long as I get to see you. I want you to go on a scavenger hunt for all your positive traits and all the needs you can meet for someone that will make them want you enough to not get to see you all the time.

So basically look for what you're worth holding onto for. Why are you worth holding onto? And I wanna set your mind free with that and just let it run wild, let it feed you anything you can think of. And that's gonna flip the situation from feeling very insecure, like, oh my God, he could leave me and being anxious

to solidifying your self-esteem and be like, okay, I see my value, I recognize it, I understand why someone would want to be with me and that's that and you're gonna have a lot more empowered sense of moving forward than like the shaky one of like oh my god he could leave me if I like don't see him more than like twice a week. Okay for our last situation for what would Leo do this week, this girl is Realizing that she's self sabotages with relationships So when she has someone that seems like good come along she'll fuck it up She'll leave or she'll like just abandon the whole thing But if you meet someone that you think is like too good to be true or you think that they're better than you or whatever it is They see something in you that you

just might not be seeing. You're worth their attention. You're worth being cared about by them because you've been lined up with it for a reason. So number one is you got to become aware of that. Like open yourself up to discovering the ways that you're actually a match to this person and you're kind of like equal. Like what are you able to contribute them? Like do the scavenger hunt that I talked about for the last girl, but with the situation of meeting someone that you feel like is better than you or is like on your level and it intimidates you,

what you're faced with in that situation is feeling like you're a little bit beneath it and you get to decide you can run or you can rise to the occasion and Improve yourself and level up to make this work because your relationships are your biggest teachers your relationships People are your biggest fucking teachers from the universe from God whoever you want to believe in But like relationships are your biggest teachers. They're your biggest mirror of self-awareness and what you need to become aware of What you need to fix and change and like They're your ticket for improvement. So

Next time you're faced with someone that you feel like it's better than you if you notice you feel the need to run away It's because it's the safer option. You don't know if you're actually able to rise to the occasion or not So give it a fucking shot But I want to give you the reassurance of you would not be a match to this person if you weren't ready for it Like if someone is pursuing you and they're ready for you and you feel like you're not, you're being faced with all the things that you know you now need to do and change and improve to feel ready for it. Like just start leveling yourself up. Whatever you're insecure about, start flipping it. If you're insecure about how much money you make,

start trying to make more. Insure about your body. Fix that shit. Start eating right. Go to the gym. You're worried about your intellect, start reading, start educating yourself, all the different levels you can level up yourself is going to be reflected and it's going to come through insecurities. So any insecurity you notice pop up, use it as fuel to flip it and change it and rise to the occasion to fix it and strengthen it instead of just seeing something that you desperately want and then running from it because you don't feel good enough. Look at yourself and say okay, we can do this, we can rise to this occasion and then do

it. If you want to be featured in a future segment of what would Leo do, you can leave a comment on this YouTube video or you can DM me on Instagram. My Instagram is the Leo Skeppy, so just send me your situation and I'll give you my hot take on it like this. It's always anonymous. It's always gonna be anonymous. I'm never gonna rat you out.

I'll let nobody know your fucking business. I just go general so that I can give you the advice. But if you enjoyed this video, leave it a thumbs up, and if you wanna be more aware and less aggravated, hit the subscribe button and goddamn it. And if you're listening to the audio version of this, and you're not watching me on YouTube, if you didn't know I'm on YouTube, hi, here I am.

But if you're listening to the audio version of this, leave me five thoughts. And also, if you feel like this episode would be useful to anyone you know, just send it to them. Just send it to them and help them gain a little awareness, help them be more aware and less aggravating. Honestly, send this to someone that you would like to see repair their relationship with theirself. This is the tool to do it. But thank you all so much for watching. Take care of yourself. Be safe. Implement all these shit so you can trust yourself more. And I will talk to you next Sunday.