Aware & Aggravated - 45. Signs I Always Get Before Life Levels UP

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

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Hi, friends. I took a shot right before I turned the camera on. This week we're getting into it. I don't know what I'm going to end up titling this, but I'm basically going to talk about signs you've outgrown your life, but also how to become unavailable to the life that you don't want and become unavailable to stress. This week, my soul's been cooking me.

I don't even have my chain on because I'm in the middle of packing for a trip. I'm going out of town this weekend. I have everything packed and ready to go. It's like 1.30 in the morning right now, but I all of a sudden want to record. So here we are. But I had a premonition. That sounds like I'm so raving.

Not like that. But I don't know how else to word it or describe it other than a premonition of my house getting broken into. But every time I leave my house or travel or go somewhere, I always post my life and what I'm doing what I'm up to. Sometimes it's in real time. Sometimes it's not. Most of the time it is. And I post it's going to be going to Vegas this weekend. I always have a concern and a fear and a worry a little bit about someone breaking into my house.

I always lock up my valuables in the safe. But this time's different. I feel like I'm getting an intuitive message because the last time I had a visual and like an experience where it's kind of like a premonition type thing. Only way to describe it was what started my entire spiritual journey. So I've talked about this a long time ago. But the first time I ever had like a spiritual kind of experience and what cracked me into spirituality and okay, I was 21 and I was working as a nurse and I hated my life. It was right when I finished nursing school, got my license. I started working on the floor that I precepted in.

So I worked pretty much for free for six months on this floor. And then I started working there. After like eight shifts, I think, I was miserable. And something I used to do all the time was go. ride my skateboard. I had an electric skateboard because I used to go skateboard with my best friend Genevieve in Pensacone. But one night, I was going alone to go skateboard because I was off my shifts. Like you work typically three, four days in a row and then you're off for four or five days as like, that's how the nursing shifts went. So I finished my three shifts and it was the next night. It was like a

Friday night. And I was like, I am so mentally just like gasped. I'm over it. I'm just going to go skateboard, downtown, whatever. And I remember vividly walking into my bathroom at my dad's house. I used to live with my dad. And when I walked into my bathroom, I saw a visual. It was kind of like a premonition type thing of me on my skateboard flying off and breaking my leg. And it scared the shit out of me for a second.

And I was like, maybe I shouldn't go. Like I started to wonder like, oh, maybe I shouldn't go. But this is when the whole spirituality thing, I started opening up to it and like trying to understand things because I was wanting to quit my job, but I was like trying to convince myself to justify staying, even though I was miserable. Oh, maybe I didn't work there long enough. Maybe I don't know yet. You know when you know. If you're miserable, shift immediately. So I saw this visual of me flying off a skateboard, breaking my leg. And I stopped dead in my tracks. And I was like, what the hell was that? Like, am I not supposed to go? Am I just being like a worry war?

am I just being anxious or what the hell was that? So I didn't really let myself get overwhelmed by the emotions of it. But I started to immediately think like I can't break my leg. Maybe I shouldn't go skateboard right now because if I break my leg, I can't work. And it's like my brain connected the dots of like that's the benefit. That's how this seemingly bad experience could happen for me. And it shattered my whole idea of like being punished by life and for the time because I've had I've had a lot of run-ins and feeling punished with life but I saw how

like something negative could happen and actually be for me in a subconscious way kind of like a shadow work thing but like you might be hoping for something but you ain't got the balls to do it so life will do it for you like I wanted to quit and I was like okay yeah it would suck to break my leg but I could get out of the job but then I was like no I would still force myself to work with just to put a cast on my leg and just work and then I was like wait and this started making me think about a bunch of shit. And I was like, I could see how me breaking my leg would actually happen for me. It's the first time I kind of felt my soul very clearly and was like, I need to quit this job because I was kind of happy at the thought of breaking my leg. So I would be pushed further

to not work this job no more. And then I ended up quitting that job. But anyway, that's the last time I had a premonition type thing. And it was the first one that I ever had. It was very strong. And it's what launched me into my spiritual journey, and that is when my entire life shifted. I had another one yesterday, and it's got me tweaked out. It's got me bugging, bro, like bad. I'm skiing. I'm not scared. I'm just like, fuck, because it's another situation.

I see exactly what it is for what it is. And I'm like, damn. So me and my sister got invited back to Power Slap in Vegas. We went earlier this year. It was on March 7th on my birthday this year, and they were doing another one. And they invited us back. And I was like, oh, hell yeah, we're going to go. We've been to have a good time.

So I booked the flights a couple days ago, whatever. And yesterday, I leave tomorrow. But yesterday, I had this weird visual thing. It was kind of like a scenario where it happened before with the first kind of like premedition visual message, whatever you want to call it. It was a situation like that. I saw myself in Vegas at a nightclub. And I was watching on my phone, on all of my security cameras, I was watching people

burglarized my house. It was so real. And all the emotions you'd expect came up. I've like, damn it. But the reason it tripped me out so bad is because the last time I had this like visual scenario, it was when I was talking about with the skateboarding night. I actually went and skateboarded that night when I had a little visual back when I was 21.

I went on my skateboard. I was driving downtown. And in my visual, I saw myself. flying off the skateboard, like hitting something in the road and flying off, and I was close to a railroad track. After realizing how falling off a skateboard raking my leg could be for me, I still went. I was like, I'm just going to be careful because maybe I'm not, maybe it's not going to happen because now I understand what it was for. And then I go skateboard. And I was going down a road.

I typically don't go down. And I know where the railroad tracks are downtown in Pensacola. So I was going down one road. I didn't know that a railroad track was at the end of it, but I was flying. The skateboards went like 30 miles an hour. It's got a little remote. You have it in your hand.

I was flying down this little road late at night, having a good time by myself, feeling the breeze through my hair at the time before I shamed my head. But I all of a sudden got like a weird urge. Like something pulled my arm of like slow down. And I kind of like heard it and felt it like just slow down. So I pulled back on the little remote on my. thing and it slows down the skateboard. And as I come up to the road, there's a railroad track. And I stopped. Like I was coasting to a slow stop. And I got to the railroad track and I stopped. And I was like no fucking way. And I walked up with my skateboard to the railroad track and I put my

skateboard toward it and like in it. Because there's like a little strip before the track. My skateboard wheel fit exactly in that hole. So had I been going full speed and hit that, my wheel would have fell in and I would have flipped off at that spot. So that's what tripped me out about this. And I was like, there's definitely something more to it. I don't know what the fuck this means or what this is. But like I got that was the night like my little like message visual thing saved me from flying off breaking my leg. And then after that moment, I was truly like, okay, now I'm quitting. That's what made me quit the job was like the stack of like what happened with that. But this situation now with. With.

my house getting burglarized. It's stressing me out so bad because it's the same feeling and the same visual, and I understand exactly why my house getting burglarized would be for me. And when all the emotions came up when I had this visual, instead of being available to the stress and freaking the fuck out, I just observed it. I was, okay, I'm not stressing out. I'm not whatever.

I'm, okay, I saw a visual. Okay, so what? I didn't start running and maybe I should cancel the trip. Start freaking out. I didn't start running around and like panic packing and moving my shit. And I didn't start doing all this. I didn't let the thought and the feelings come up and then immediately act. I'm unavailable to that.

I don't, I'm not available to react to my emotions. So I sat with the visual for a second. I was like, okay. And I sat with it for a few hours. I kept going with my day. And they kept making more and more sense. And I started to feel bad.

or I was like, damn, because I see the truth of it, it would set me free. For my house to be burglarized, I would come back home from my trip and not give a flying fuck how much it costs what I'm going to do or what's going to happen. Anything left in this house, I'm selling it and I'm selling this fucking house. What I want, and I've been saying it for the past couple podcast episodes, I've outgrown this house. and I've kind of been prolonging moving and selling it and changing because I was fighting so hard to make stability for myself. After leaving L.A. last year, I've been here for a year. It's like my year is almost up.

August, like 12th, I think, is my year. I can't seem to stay living somewhere for more than a year. It's like my year is always up and I move. But I fought so hard to make stability for myself and like get this house. the truth is no matter what I've done to this house, no matter what I've bought to put in it, it just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like I've settled. I settled fully with this house. And it's just kind of been like a container and like a little prison for me to fucking sit in. And it's not been to foster me.

It's just been to like shelter me and just like be somewhere to stay. And I've been trying to convince myself I like it. And I convince myself that it's up to my standards. and I love it and whatever. Like, I can't do it no more. I can't sit here and convince myself I'm happy with it. I'm fucking not. I've bought so much shit to try and make it more my style and make it feel more homey.

It just ain't it. This is not the house for me. It's not big enough. It's not as secure as I want a house to be. And this chapter's over. And I've just been prolonging and not acting on it because I'm like making excuses and bullshit. Kind of like how I was doing. when I was considering quitting my job.

But with this house, I had to face the truth of it. That's what sucks about these realizations and like the visuals that come up. You got to see the fucking truth. Like I was miserable in my nursing job. I don't like this house. I don't feel comfortable in it.

It feels like it's holding me back at this point. So I was thinking, okay, if my house did get burglarized, what would I do? I would come home, like I said, and get the fuck out of this house. I wouldn't even stay at this house. this house. I wouldn't sleep here. I would go stay in a hotel. I go stay somewhere and get the fuck out of here. I'd probably go to Miami or something and like get hotels and just like whatever.

Put some shit in a storage unit if anything's left and just go from there and just like travel around and see what the fuck happens. I don't feel like I can do that. I've been wanting to travel. I've been having an itch to travel, but I don't feel like I can do it because there's like, I don't know what it is about this house. It feels like it's like anchoring me and like holding me down. But that's kind of the realization that hit me. I was like, okay, if it doesn't, get burglarized, it would be for me. But like, damn, I don't want to live a life where I make changes when they get bad. Like, I don't want hardships and bad things to happen to me for me to make a change. Because one thing I've learned in this life, if you don't make a goddamn change that you

know you need to make, God will make you fucking do it. Life will crumble and turn the pressure cooker on and heat your ass up and just start demolishing everything around you. you until you make the change you need to make. Last year when I got off tour, when I was considering extending my lease and staying in L.A., I got in a car wreck right before the end of my tour. Like five shows I had left, I got in a car wreck almost died. Should be dead. But in that moment, I was like, I'm not fucking staying in L.A.

I hate that fucking place. No. It's like bad things happening give you clarity and force you to make changes. And I know this. And I'm just like, shit. Realizing all this and becoming aware of it didn't make. me feel better. I've had this impending sense of like it's going to happen. But again, I'm not letting myself be available to the stress and the anxiety and freaking out. Okay, if I worry about certain shit

or things come up, okay, I'm not going to act off of it. I'm not going to run around like an idiot. But this feeling has been coming up and now it's the day, like, it's the night before I'm leaving tomorrow. And this feeling has been on 10. Like listening to my soul, Going through my house, when I was packing my clothes to leave, without realizing it, I was packing things that I couldn't live without, like things that I would be really devastated if someone broke in and took them. So through packing, I had to stop. I was like, okay, what the fuck am I doing? I was supposed to be packing my suitcase. And I'm literally packing my house, like I'm moving. And I was like, I don't know what the hell's going on, but it made,

me like start to think about everything in my house and then I full fledged started grieving this house and like processing it like it already is over and I was trying to pack my shit to pack my suitcases so I can leave and I literally couldn't avoid the truth of like I don't know what this is inside of me it's not anxiety it's just like my soul is leading me to look at everything in my house and assess what would I be upset if I lost? What do I want to take to my next chapter? It's like,

this chapter's closed. And I was like, shit. It's like I could feel the morning. I could feel it all turning over. I've been through this so many times. I've moved like four or five places in the short amount of time. I know what this feels like.

And I'm not having to do anything this time. It's like, it's just happening for me. But I kept seeing, my storage unit in my head. So I started going around my house and I started grabbing the clothes from my closet that I would be upset if I lost. And I basically like tried to pack up my life as if I'm about to be stolen from. And it gave me so much clarity around what actually matters to me. And I started to get really emotional because I realized I don't have that.

that much I actually care about. And it's so freeing in a way. Like I feel very free that this is happening. But it's sad as fuck because I was looking around my house and I was like all the stuff that I've bought, certain furniture, certain like Versace pillows and dishware and shit that I've bought. It's like I was trying so hard just to make myself feel better and I saw it for what it was.

And I don't have that much worth taking. I don't have that much worth for myself holding on to and like stressing out over. So I was kind of just like going around and I grabbed my shit. I packed my suitcases for what I'm going to take with me. And then anything left over, I put it in my car because I'm going to go take it to the storage unit. I tried to go tonight, but it was closed. So I want to go tomorrow.

But I didn't do this out of anxiety, out of fear, out of nothing. And it was just kind of like my soul leading me on like what to grab, what to take. But I started to grab certain things from my living room in my kitchen, like certain Versace vases. And like I just started grabbing expensive shit where I was like if people took this, I would be bummed because it's pricey. And I started to get like really emotional because I saw what was happening. I was reaching for any kind of sense of control or comfort or like you can't take this from me. like I felt like I was trying to get ahead of it and it's like the anxiety started

to take over and I saw it for what it was and I was like put them back there was certain like just stupid fucking ashtrays that are expensive vases glassware I saw it for what it was and I saw myself in that moment and it was kind of pathetic

I was like you're grabbing shit just because you want some kind of sense of control but like what you need to actually face is you don't actually care about anything that you have. Like there are certain things. Yeah. But like just because shit's expensive, like take the price tag off that you care about it. And I was like, no, not really. Like there's certain things that I love. And there's a lot of shit that I took. But it was so much easier to leave this house than I thought. Like I put all the things I wanted in my car. anything really important is in my fucking thousand pounds safe my guns are in there everything like document

wise that i need is in there because like girl if you break in good luck getting in that and good luck you can't get it out the fucking house so there's certain things that are like locked in that that i know that are secure i'm taking my jewelry with me it was really sad facing the truth that like i didn't create a life for myself that i'm scared to lose or like there's nothing worth holding on to really. It's like as long as I got my sister and my couple people in my life and my shit that I need to like wear and things that mean something to me like my little memory box. I'm a Pisces girl. I have a memory box of like all the little like random wristbands from certain concerts and events and little notes people wrote me and like all my birthday cards from all the years. I have all that

and a box. I have a memory box. I have a couple of them because they they feel. But I grab that stuff and like what this big thing was in my head of moving and leaving this house was like such a hard thing but like it still doesn't fully make sense but the thing that really tripped me the fuck out is I had no plan of going to a club while I'm in Vegas at all at all like I'm like I don't care to party I don't want to do none of that and then one of my friends Kenzie I've talked about her before is going to be in Vegas when I'm in Vegas and I was like okay tea and I'm A couple of her friends are going to be that. We all friends.

My sister's going to be with me. I was like, oh, that'll be a key. We're going to have flame. We got a couple events to go to. I'm going to Power Slap. Going to UFC. Going to a couple restaurants. But then Fountain Blue, where I'm staying,

reached out to offer me a section at the club live that they have. The night of Power Slap after the event. And they're going to give me a section and shit? I'm like, oh, my God. sudden all my friends are going to be there. We can have a time and a half. My sister will be there. And I was like, I'm already going to be dressed up from the event. We're going to be that like free section. Woo. Like, why not go have a party? Have a good time. And then I saw that the person headlining, the person performing is a DJ I really like. And I was like, oh my God. Like it was like

dun dun dun done, done. Because it all started making sense. Like I saw the club before I even got invited to the club. And I had no plan to go to a club. But the way that it all fell in line and lined up, I was like, oh shit. And that's what made me start to be like, okay, let's really pay attention to our soul because there's something happening. Like, it felt like this robbery was going to be 100%. It felt like it was already happening. And my soul was already moving accordingly of like look at what you need to look at that is important to you. You're going to save it. Anything that makes you feel free and good and you like it, we're going to take it. Anything that makes you feel held down or restricted or held back, like fake comfort, fake anything, we're leaving it. And that's

the piece of like clarity that cracked me that made me so sad about so much of everything because I'm like the things that I have. It makes me feel held back because what I want to do is go travel and have fun and go like explore shit with no stress of someone breaking in my goddamn house. So I faced it. And I took what I thought I would want. I took what I know that I want. And anything that made me feel like held back, there was so much more that I left behind than I realized. And I'm like, whoa, this just fully shifted every fucking goddamn thing. But the thing that made me the most upset was the sense of freedom I felt. When I saw the visual, it kept replaying of me and the club watching people breaking in my house because I have cameras every

fuck wherever a security system out the ass but I watched on the camera people breaking in and I like it got more and more real every time the visual would pop up and I was like living it and then I saw how relieved I felt and I heard like I'm free and that's what sent me over to edge of like sad because I'm like damn now I know what I need to do I kind of like before I leave, I've been thinking about it. Like, okay, if someone did break in my house, what are the exact steps I would take when I got home? And I kind of want to do it regardless. Like even if someone doesn't break in my house, I don't want to have to make like something bad happens to me before I act in line with what my soul wants me to do.

Like, I know I'm not happy here. For whatever reason I've been holding back, fear, worried, doubt, whatever the fuck. I'm not available to that no more. I'm just going to go for it. Like this whole experience, I'm like, I'm not making the same mistake twice. I didn't make a mistake the first time with the skateboard. Funny I'm saying that. That quitting my nursing job changed my entire life for the better.

So I don't know. This, I feel it's like the next, like my life is about to open up and everything's about the shift and change. It already is. but like this is the last anchor is this house. So I'm like, all right, I'm open to seeing what the fuck's going to happen. I don't know. It's very scary. It's confusing.

It's weird. But it feels right. So I'm going to be available to that. And I'm just going to kind of play it and see what happens. This is my trust fall chapter. I've been hearing that a lot too. Like trust fall, trust fall, trust fall. in the back of my head.

Like, I keep hearing it. And it's like all this shit is making sense and lining up. But like a couple other things that have been happening that have been pushing me to this point. The other day, my neighbor recognized me. I've been dealing with getting recognized a lot more than ever before. Literally everywhere I go, it happens. And I don't mind it because I have my house to come back to and I'm, I feel safe in it. I feel like, okay, I'm secluded.

Nobody knows where I'm at. Whatever. going out in public is like I have to be aware even more of my surroundings and aware like times 10 so like I stay in my house a lot and I like to be at home when I don't have anywhere like I need to be or like really want to be I don't just go spend time in public anymore but the other day I was in my garage smoking a cigarette and one of my neighbors recognized me from being online and they live two doors down for me and I was like damn because I feel like exposed now.

Like I'm sitting in my garage having my cigarette and I got recognized. And the other night I posted on on TikTok, there was like this thunderstorm thing. This like thunder warning, whatever. Like the tornado, whatever the hell was coming. I was outside on my balcony and my neighbor across from me was outside on his balcony and he recognized me. The interactions with both people were sweet. It was fine. It was like no issue at all.

weird, but it's for someone like me, for people to know where I'm at, that was like my breaking point. I can't fucking deal with being out in public and always being watched, but being home now and neighbors, one, two doors down and one directly across from my house. The fact that I can be in my house and if I have my bedroom light on, you know where I'm at in my house. I can't take it. I had a full fucking spiral about it like two weeks ago. I lost my fucking mind because I'm like I can't get like I can't escape where I'm at like people knowing where I'm at. I lost my mind. I call my mom. I was like mom, what the fuck do I do? And she's like, I genuinely have no idea. I know what to tell you. But like we talked to she was there for me.

But the fact that like if I'm downstairs and I have the light on, you know I'm downstairs. If I'm upstairs and like the one guest room or if I'm in my bedroom or from my bathroom, these people know where I'm at. They know when I'm home, I can't take it. That is one. I can't think about it too much. It's going to stress me to fuck out.

Like they probably can see me right now recording my podcast because there's a second story window that way. And you can see the podcast light. It's like people being able to know what I'm doing and where I'm at, I've been smoking so much more than usually. to numb this. Like the awareness of people being aware of me it's eaten me the fuck up.

But I don't feel safe in my house no more. It's not safe. It's like I don't feel not watched. If that makes sense. Yeah, we can sit here and say there's no reason to feel like that. I don't give a fuck. People just knowing where I'm at is geeking me out. And it's like this house, it's the past few months.

It's been building slowly and it's like the heat's been getting turned up more. and more. And when my neighbors recognize me, this is what sent me into like, okay, another breaking point of like, oh my God. And then it's like, I didn't do anything about it. I didn't start wanting to move or like take it serious. I've been wanting to move, but I didn't take it serious to start really thinking about action steps and like seeing where I want to go. Do I want to keep living in Dallas? Do I want to move? I know I'm not meant to be in Dallas no more. This chapter is over. I can already feel it. But I want to start now taking the actions because these things like happening and causing these emotions in me and like these things unraveling

me not doing nothing about it is making it worse and worse but like the final breaking point for me where i would be like i don't go flying fuck what it costs what happens what anybody says i don't care i'm getting out of this goddamn house as if somebody burglarizes it so i can see how that is like the next level up like if i don't make a move now my soul's going to have to turn up the heat to that So it's very weird to be aware of all of this happening while I'm living it. Because being aware of it, don't change it. Still scared. Still worried about shit.

Still feeling all the emotions. But like just because I'm aware of it, it doesn't remove you from it. Like I still got to feel it, go through it and deal with everything going on. It's just nuts. Like I want to talk about it and be honest about it. Because I know there's other people out there who get this. Some people are going to think I'm a wacko. Okay, whatever.

I've been called worse. Crazy? Please. It's a half a compliment. But also one more thing I want to talk about being unavailable with the house situation. Then I got a situation where somebody from the past reached out. But I started to have like this guilt feeling of like letting myself down in a way where all the effort I've kind of put into the house and trying to make myself feel comfortable. I couldn't do it for myself.

like I wasn't able to create the home feeling that I wanted. And the guilt came up. And I started to like my old mental like I started watching my old mindset come through. And it was like everything we've just done for the past year was for nothing. All the money we spent was for nothing. And I'm not available to that shit no more. I was watching it and then I put it out of my head. I'm not going to sit here in doom and gloom about how this was a waste of time,

waste of money. I didn't do what I wanted to do. a failure. I don't look at it like that. I'm like, okay, my soul wants the next thing. So I'm just going to do that. I'm not available to the doubt and the worry and the bullshit of what it means and why it happened. I don't care. The next steps are very clear in front of me. I knew and have known this place was not what I want, but I didn't act on it. So I'm being forced to make a fucking move. And I get that. And I'm not mad at it. I'm kind of relieved. Because like I said, when I saw the visual of people breaking in, I thought relieved. I felt so free. Like I could

finally just do whatever the fuck I want without any explanation or needing permission or like caring about anything. I could really just say fuck it. Because me now, to me just like honor myself and like go for it and move, change, do whatever. I will be thinking about the financial concern of certain things and like having things in my. but now I'm just kind of like, my soul wants to do it, so I have more trust that my soul will provide and like help with the whole experience. Because that's one thing I've learned. You're not sitting to this life to figure out every single aspect of it alone.

You're being supported and you got reinforcement. And this is one of those things where I just got to like trust it and see what the fuck happens. But I'd only be willing fully to see what happens and expect myself to be taken care of by my soul if I got robbed. Does that make sense? It's like a weird day. But I'm shortcutting all that because I'm aware of it.

But like now I'm like, okay, I'm going to treat my next action steps as if I got robbed. And go forward from there. I just hope I'm here when it happens like a kill him. Oh my God. I need to let it out. You know what I mean? I probably wouldn't kill them.

I probably just like cut their hand off, keep it in a jar or something. Like you're not leaving with all your limbs attached to your fucking body. I'm going to make sure of it. And I'm going to keep it as a memento. But something just feels. different this time. Like leaving my house packing, this feels different. This feels nuts. Like, I'm not coming back to this life at all. I can feel it. And I trust it this time. I trust it's

going to be all right. I don't make sure it's goddamn all right. But my soul has not steered me wrong once. Another thing I want to talk about with being unavailable to distress and things. It's like how my soul kind of like moves things around for me. Weird little synchronity. So the other day, my car tires got off balance. I don't fucking know. It's too hot in Dallas. It's like 100 degrees. I'm not joking.

It's like 90 to 100. But my car tires, it comes up on my sensor on my car. Oh, your car tires are in ballets. One was like 42, 41, 48, and then like 46. And it was like you have to get them all back to the normal like pressure before we could drive for you. It's like my car would drive. all the assistive steering, the brake checks to me,

like everything that it would do for me, like kind of like my car drives itself if I set it on cruise control. None of that was available while the tires were embarrassed. So I was like, damn, I'm losing half the benefit of my car. I get bored. I just put on cruise control. It drives to me.

Like, come on. So I was like, all right, it's irritating the shit out of me. I'm like, I don't want to deal with it right now. And I've been trusting not for, forcing things. I've been talking about that for months now, but I decided one day, I was like, you know what? Fuck this. I'm going to fill up my tires. Okay, I'm getting gas right now. I go get gas. I'm like, the tire pumps right there. Let me go air these up and we'll be done with it. You know what I mean? It takes five

minutes. So I go over to the air pump. Somebody had snatched the handle off the air pump and ripped the hose. Like it was fully gone. There's like a little like broken hose at the top. So I was like, okay. cool now I'm pissed I go to another gas station the other gas station the machine was broken so I was like you know what

fuck this I'm not doing it for like five days I was like okay maybe the heat like constricted the car tires or like they need to they'll figure themselves out

you know what I mean I was like maybe they'll figure themselves out they're not losing enough air where it's like a tire like nails in a tire or something so I'm like maybe the car fix it stuff I don't fucking know. Hope so. Come on God.

Fix yourself. It's Mrs. Bass Mercedes. It's got like 4,700 miles on it. I'm old. When I got it, I had 13 miles. Now it has like 4,700. I've drove through the mud. But like, you don't got no tie.

You don't got enough miles on. You get to be having issues with it. So anyway, I let it go for like four or five days. And that's when I was finally like, fuck this. It's not fixing itself. I'm going to go fill these up. When it didn't work, I literally threw my hands. up and was like, fuck this.

I'm done with these time. Okay? They're just going to have to pop if they fucking want. I don't care. Deflate. Go flat. I was pissed. But I was like, okay, I tried to force it and go to two different gas stations. God told me to go fuck myself. So I'm not dealing with it no more. I'm going to trust myself. You know what? You fucking figure it out. You fix it. I'm not doing it. I tried to force that you don't like when I do

that. Okay. So you fucking beat. So I was like, you know what? I'm not going to another place to get my tires aired up. I'm not doing it. I'll wait till I feel the urge to do it. The next night, I go to the hookah lounge with my friend. This new friend that was telling you guys about me, he's the guy. He's great.

But we're leaving. We go to getting our cars. And the message came up on the display when I started on my car. And I was like, God damn. I was like, I'm going to have a cigarette. So we're standing there talking. He was like, what? And I was like, the car, the tires like,

the pressure's fucked up. I tried to go the other day to the little like guys I should think the air him up. It didn't work. Whatever. I told him my little spiel. He was like, oh my God, I have an air compressor thing in my car. He was like, let me see if it works. And I was like, what?

You just be riding around with a fucking like an air pump in your car. Okay. So he pulls it out. It works. He filled up all my tires for me. I didn't have to do nothing. I sat there and I didn't think, great. Oh, this is nice.

people being there for you doing things for you well i bought him dinner and a hook yeah and i got my tires filled up that's the weird little magical shit that happens when i pay attention to my soul i have another one with the hookah lounge i love the hook lounge but that little situation just letting it go it fixes itself because it took me nothing because i was considering in my head i was like maybe i just go to the mercedes dealership and tell them there i'm not fucking dealing with this car You put the air in the tires. Okay? I was going to do that.

And I was like, no, I'm going to wait till the urge. I had the idea to do it. And then I was like, I'm going to wait until the urge comes. That night is when my friend did it for me. So everything's back to normal back. Peachy King. Everything's fine with the car. Tires fine.

Other thing that happened is I've been needing a tailor to alter some clothes for me. My sister's been needing one too. And I was like, I don't feel like looking for one. I don't feel like dealing with the whole Google and all that. I was like, I'm not doing it. Okay. I need a tailor, but I'm not putting no effort in to find anyone. A couple days ago, I, I forget about it.

I put it out of my head. I'm like, whatever. I'll wait till the urge comes up. I'm sitting at the hook lounge at my friend. This guy comes up to me out of nowhere. Hey, I just wanted to introduce myself. I've seen you online. I think you're great.

I own a alteration shop. If you ever need something altered, here's my card. Come by. He specializes in designer clothes and stuff, too. So I'm like, I know I have some designer stuff. I'm like, you can cut that up and I know you go with it. But you could definitely cut up some normal shit that I got. So I'm like, cool.

Easy-pasy limit's crazy. Didn't have to do nothing. And he covered our bill. I was like, no, you don't got to do that. Thank you so bad. I almost sent my friend to the bathroom winner. I want to go take care of him. He paid RIP.

No, but it's crazy. The way things just line up, like, how many times am I going to need? to be proven to trust myself before I just fucking trust it. Okay? You don't got to see nobody to steal from me, rob my house. Okay, I'll listen to you. What you want to go?

What you want to do? You want to go to Vegas. But what do you want to do after that? I'm talking to myself right now. Don't buy me. But I don't know what I want to do after Vegas. So I'm just going to feel it out. When I get home, I'll know.

But I know moves will be made quickly. So I'm gonna let my soul take the reins I'm getting good at listening to it Real good It'd be telling me shit Weird But also one more thing I want to talk about what the whole thing about being

unavailable to distress You can see it in kind of all these scenarios Where I'm talking about like the tires The stress of it I'm not available to it I'm gonna deal with it when I fucking feel the urge to do it Or when something like and it lines itself up With the Taylor

I'm not available to the stress of it it with the house. I'm not available to the stress and the worry and the fear. I'm letting it just be guided through me, like what to do. I'm not reacting because of emotions. I'm not none of that. But another example, someone reached out to me from the past. Someone who I'd never got closure with. We ain't talked in like a year. Some weird shit happened with another friend of mine, whatever. We ain't talked, but he reached out to me on Instagram. It was real nice. And sent me a message that was like sweet. and I literally watched my old mindset kick in, like how I used to be.

I would have responded out of guilt. The fact that I opened the DM on Instagram and it said, seen, like that I saw his message and he knew that I saw it and didn't reply, it would have eaten me up. I would have felt guilty about it because when it's people that I've cared about and I've been close with, like very good friends with, when they, it's a weird like loyalty I always have. It's like I always care take how they feel.

Not no fucking more. I'll respond when I goddamn feel like it. I'm not available to the guilt of replying to you. I'm not available to the guilt of you're going to be upset because you see that I read it and you're going to think that I'm ignoring you. If you think that you think that, I don't give a fuck. I'm not available to that no more. And I also am not available to the stress of overthinking and thinking I owe you shit.

No. So I left it. I saw the message at like midnight. The next day I woke up. I didn't really think about it. And then at like 2 p.m. I was like, huh, I don't know why I'm thinking about that.

I made me uncomfortable the night before when I saw it. But I was like, whatever, put it out of my head. And then I started thinking about it more. And I was kind of like, I don't know why it makes me feel uncomfortable. But I'm not fucking replying just because I'm uncomfortable. I'm just sitting here and figure out what it is.

I owe that to myself. I'm not taking an action. I'm not available to taking actions out of bullshit no more. So I was like, why would I want to reply? Do I want to say anything? And I kind of did. I wanted to acknowledge that there's no hard feelings from my end. And just clear that up.

But I was like, okay, I don't feel like I owe him nothing. I replied because I wanted to. And then I didn't reply again. Now it's on scene. Everything else is on scene. I closed the chapter on my own terms. I replied when I wanted to reply. I'm not available to the bullshit no more.

And what I replied after I sat there and blew it off and let it come back to me and like me take the action and like reply out of my own terms, what I said was way better than what I would have replied in the beginning. It's like, I was watching my old mindset play out. And I'm like, no, I'm not like that no more. Ew. That's old Leo. Not happening.

I killed my motherfucker fecky. One more thing I want to throw in before I end this. and go to bed. Damn. 252 in the morning. I got a flight to get on. Something that was bothering me the other day was thinking that I wasn't doing enough

and I wasn't like pushing and like working out as hard and like just I skipped the gym for two days and then there's certain things I just wasn't doing. I was kind of like taking time and resting. And that's one more thing I started to become unavailable to is the sense. of if I'm not ringing myself dry I start to worry

my soul all of a sudden just wants to shut up so that's all I got for this week Love you all so bad For this week's emoji I forgot to do one last week If you made it this far comment a little casino emoji That's cute I'm going to Vegas and shit I'm not gambling

I lost too much money on my birthday I'm not gambling again No not happening Let's give me free money to play with Okay maybe then But I'm not gambling on my fucking money I go spin it on something. Actually get something for it.

But that's it. I'll be posting everything I'm up to, everything I'm doing on my social media. I'm recording this on Wednesday. I'm early as hell this week. So everything will be unfolding before you hear this. But if my house gets broken into, I fucking called it.

I just want that on record. It's Thursday, June 26. I do not want my house to get broken into. But, if my soul wants to have it happen I called it. My permanition was right is my vocal point. All right? So, that's it. Love you all so bad.

Everybody, be safe. Take care yourself. I'll talk to you guys next Sunday. And merch is coming next week.