Aware & Aggravated - 49. How I Got Out Of The Rut

Episode Date: October 12, 2025

Happy to be back! Here's how I got out of the rut I felt stuck in for the past 2 months.  Merch:  https://leoskepicollection.com Substack:  https://substack.com/@leoskepi?utm_so...  Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi My App Positive Focus: (Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 (Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1 Business Inquiries: [e-mail]

Hello, missed you real bad. I pulled myself out the rut and I'm gonna tell you how I did it. I'd be falling in to a bunch but I always dig my goddamn way out. I just realized I don't have my chain on. Hang on. Okay, now I'm dressed. Now I look presentable. Fenty for the camera.

But yeah, I was in a rut again. Kind of my thing. But I'm excited to tell you what was going on, what I learned. The whole self-love thing, that's a real bitch and it's, I feel like that's a never ending process. I don't think it's never going to end because a lot of things changed with my view on that. We're going to get there. I'm also going to rant a little bit about how much I just had to pay in taxes for last year. Fuck California. But also we're going to talk about overgiving to people, giving too damn much to everybody, everything. Because I was in this

rut because I felt like my energy was bleeding out of me. I felt like I had a wound and I was just like bleeding out energetically like my life force I didn't have nothing for me I take care of everybody take care of everything and I had to take care of me for a minute so part of my patching up my little wound I have where everything's bleeding out I had to take care of me I had to love me for a minute I love everybody else and look after everybody but me being offline I'm not just going to skip over the fact that I ghosted you all right I did I ghosted everybody but I had to do it for me and if you've been following along this whole year through the podcast and what's been going on.

You know when things don't make sense, you just make decisions and do things because they feel right. Even though it's like shit in the moment, but it feels right. Everything made sense when I needed to take this break because I don't have any contracts that I have to fulfill. I don't have to be online if I don't want to fucking be online no more. So grateful for that.

Two, I don't have any management. I don't have nobody breathing down my throat. and yelling at me that I need to get online. I'm going to miss deals. I'm going to miss that. I turned down a few deals while I was going through my little recovery process with myself. I was healing my wound. But I realize I'm free.

I can talk about whatever I want and I cannot talk if I don't want to. Because the last thing I wanted to do is force myself to come back online while I was trying to like rehab myself emotionally in a way. So I'm grateful for that. So like if you have been going through shit and you're like, it doesn't make sense. It's going to make sense. It always makes sense for us in the future. When you look back, it all makes sense.

But I finally got to take some time to myself. Ooh, it's crazy. But to hit on the self-love aspect of it, I needed time. I needed to come back to myself and take care of myself. And all the things I had to decline and say no to, I look at now as investments of love and to myself. So a couple of examples, because this self-love, shit's no joke. and it doesn't feel right, but it will help you make really difficult decisions and stick to them

when you kind of frame it like this. Everything that you give up and sacrifice is an investment to yourself because I had a giant Vegas trip planned for the UFC and Power Slap and I was supposed to go to that. And then I came down sick. I wasn't fully sick yet, but I started to feel a little sick a couple days before I was supposed to leave. So I had a girl that I'm friends with come over and give me an IV, hydrate me, give me all with low vitamins and shit it didn't really help i was sick i caught a cold and i was like okay

i can rush and go get on antibiotics and go still make my trip and not be contagious but i didn't want to like at the truth like the core of it i didn't want to go to vegas with how i was feeling one mentally but two like sick lies and i was in a kind of like a rock and hard place where i was like I could force myself to go because I was looking at it like, who the hell don't want to go to PowerSlapp and UFC and go do all this stuff? Last time I was at the UFC, they put me on the camera like on the screen and I was all over the TV and shit. Cool, fine, great time. But with this time going, there was a lot of things set up with a lot of different companies with free shit, basically. And there was probably like six, like five or six different things

I was going to have to post for like power slap and UFC that was one thing I like you post when you go to these events like they want promotion they bring you it's like kind of like scratch my back I scratch yours type thing and then there was some things set up with a tequila company and then things set up with a nightclub and I was like with my mental state I'm in I don't feel like partying and I do not want to drink alcohol I'm 12 days sober right now from absolutely everything yeah I have a little cigarette here and there shut the fuck up but when I first moved to Miami I was like partying and I just got irritated with it and I started not to feel good and I wanted my mind back like I wanted my sober mind back because it's the most powerful like I didn't want alcohol

I didn't want like ecstasy and stupid shit that I had been doing fucking with my head and my emotions I wanted to see things clearly but I was kind of faced with like I can go to Vegas and force all this to happen or I can choose to let everybody down because it was like the day before where I was up against this place mentally and was like, I have to make a decision. So I decided not to go because I saw like what it was. If something don't feel right, don't do it. Because I was looking at that whole experience like if I go to Vegas because there's so many things lined up and so many companies I got to post for, I'm not going to be able to have fun.

I'm going to be worried and focused on making sure I don't let nobody down and posting and doing everything for them. So I was like, I'm not going to go stress myself out and, like, ruin my own experience, push myself when I'm sick. I'm not going to be able to show up and do things for the companies. And I was like, at the end of the day, I'm not getting paid. I'm just getting free experiences. So I was like, I'm not going to force myself to go.

And mentally, I was, I crashed out. I did. I did. But I wasn't like a bad mental state. Like, you know the ones when we get in where it's like a depressive episode. You get into a rut. You don't want to do nothing. My hair grew out.

I had to shave it again. Like, that's how it was. It was going. It was like one of those times you get into the slump and it's like, I don't want to force myself out of it for an opportunity. You know what I mean? It was just like a moment where I had to choose myself and I'm so happy I chose myself because a lot of things unfolded.

But with making that decision, it was difficult for me. I was like, okay, I do have to let everybody down because if I don't and I make myself go, I'm going to let myself down. And the thing that made me feel better about the client. finding the whole thing was one, I actually was sick. So it was kind of like an out. And I did need to rest. I didn't want to go be around a bunch of people being sick.

But I looked at it like as much as I don't want to miss this and I'm looking at these opportunities like they're great and I want to go partake in them to sacrifice them and to choose myself. That's a lot of energetic investment. And that's one thing I talked about when I was on tour with confidence. the more you invest into yourself, the more you say no to shit that isn't right or aligned for you, it's a literal boundary you're setting with the universe. And every time I turn down certain opportunities in the past, I've turned down monetary shit,

the whole Vegas thing, it's like as soon as you turn down something because it doesn't align, that's an investment, a huge one that you send a signal to God in the universe of like, this is what I want. it brings you something and for you to say not like that and to not accept it is a boundary you're setting with God and setting with the universe and that's the most powerful fucking thing but the ego boost you get not ego but like the confidence you get I'm like yeah I'll choose myself no problem it's crazy but the universe and God want you to get what you want and it doesn't know how to bring you things and how to bring you exactly what you want so

something's not exactly what you want the client that's what I've learned from my life experience. It hasn't let me down once. But deciding to stay home and hang out with myself, take care of myself, turned into this whole like shadow work best few days of my life. And I had to look at who I am when I'm not giving to people and to things. Because like I said, I felt like I was bleeding out energetically. It's because all I was doing was giving to people.

And I got caught in this cycle. And I didn't realize I was in this cycle. And the cycle that got me into the rut was. giving constantly to everyone and everything. So that for me looked like monetarily to people in my life, energetically to people in my life, energetically to social media, giving in my videos,

posting and like making content, it was like me giving. It's like lending my energy, putting my energy into this thing with the podcast, with TikTok, with Instagram, with everything I'm doing, it was like just giving.

And then I would go out in public. And I get recognized. a lot. Every single place I go, I get recognized. And I always check myself. And I've never lost this thing about myself, no matter how long it's been. It's been like three and a half years where I've been getting recognized out in public. I always am focused on the person meeting me. And I want to make sure that they have a good experience and get to meet me. If they want to take a photo, we take a photo. And I've had to learn to set boundaries of certain things. But I always try to make sure I'm not in a bad mood or pissed off. Or if I'm going through something, I don't let the

people who meet me feel it. I do my best to have a genuine reaction. But the other thing with when I go out in public, I never know what kind of interaction I'm going to have. There's some people who see the big bald bastard with the gold chains and a tank top running around. They're like, oh, Leo, hey, I love your TikToks, whatever. It's a cute little interaction. Then I have people who cry and like get so excited and meet me and they're excited and they cry. Or I'll have people who are so appreciative and they cry and tell me that I've saved their life. And I always stop and make sure

I give them a hug and we talk and I'm there for them in that moment because I've met people who have done things for me online and helped me and it's been shit. But I genuinely care about you guys, the people who recognize me and see me. But going out in public for me

is never a easy thing. I'm always prepared for that and I have to kind of brace myself for what kind of interaction am I going to have? Is it going to be a quick, high-end buy? Let's take a photo or just like, hey. Or is it going to be something where I need to take time and be there for somebody while they show their appreciation

and get upset, cry, whatever it is? I take that very seriously. And I hold that with as much love as I can. And I don't want people to feel like they don't matter. That's what I have. No one who's ever met me in public has had a bad experience with me. And I can say that confidently. And it makes me happy.

And it also does a lot for me. But and the time is where I'm giving in all these ways, when I need to relax or stop or pull back and just rest for a minute. Like you feel like you're bleeding out. It's like I have to recharge. And that's why earlier this year, another reason I was reaching for cocaine is because I had to keep going. It's like I'm bleeding out and I have to refill somehow.

So cocaine was a fake way of refilling. And when I get into these periods of like where I've given too much, I'm tapped out and I need myself because people don't take care of me. I realize that like the people who have been close to me, nobody takes care of me and like looks after me. Yeah, they do things in their own way and people do help me. But I don't trust giving a broken heart to anybody except myself. So I gave myself mine. And the way that I show up for everyone, the way that I'm willing to drop things and prioritize people, I had to show that same. love to myself and I needed to love Leo for a little bit and I loved this motherfucker and now he's

doing good. It makes sense why I got into a rut. There's no escaping that. But the other thing with this cycle was when I would be giving all of the time to everyone and everything, when I would need to be taken care of, I would start to resent and hate everything that I was giving to. It was a weird fucked up dynamic in my head because going out in public when I didn't have anything to give I felt like I had to hide and I would hide in my house or in my apartment but going out in public getting recognized all the time when I didn't have nothing to give I was just like okay I'm not going to leave the house I'm not going to go do anything because I don't have shit to give right now and it was this bad cycle of like I would start to get mad because I felt so

alone with a lot of things and like the money that I would be giving people and the things that I would be doing for people I felt like I wasn't able to stop but it's like giving all the time to everybody when I needed I felt like if I didn't just continue giving it was just going to be taken from me

so that took a lot of different forms and it ruined my ability to relax and kind of be there for myself because like all the money that I give people and the things that I do for people, when I'm down and don't have nothing to give, it's like when invoices would hit me and what payroll would go out and people would be getting money for me, it felt like if I stop, nothing gives to me, I just have to keep giving. It's like if I'm not intentionally giving it, it's just being taken, my energy, my money, everything. So I felt

like I just had to keep going. And I've been working on like forcing things and not forcing through life. but I slipped back into that pattern of like forcing because I was like, okay, if I don't keep giving voluntarily, it's just going to be taken. And if I don't voluntarily give it, when people take it, I feel taken advantage of. I feel unappreciated. I feel pissed off. When I'm giving consciously, I still felt unappreciated. But I could deal with it until I hit that point of like being drained.

Then I'd see everything that I was giving and was set up with giving like continuously. I looked at it like I was being taken from and then I would start resenting it and getting pissed off. I was getting upset, I was getting mad. But my fear was like starting to hate people and I didn't want to. And at the end of my podcast episode,

the last one that I did, I was talking about the merch and you could tell I was so fucking defeated by it and so just like, if you think I'm scamming you, fuck you. Like I didn't care to fight anymore. I didn't have nothing to give to care about anybody's,

feelings or cater to anybody's feelings. I do want to say thank you to everybody who ordered merch and merch is still in stock. I haven't been online to like talk about it and promote it. But merch is live. Merch is in stock and some more things are coming out soon. But I do want to say thank you to everybody who purchased stuff. Like it blew me away and sales were 10 times what I thought they would be. But the whole thing, why am I? I'm getting off track. But let's just go. Let's just see where this is going to go. The whole reason I was upset with. the merch is because on the back end of dealing with what I had to with the factory and the manufacturers and the warehouse and all that, there was certain delays and I was paying a lot

of money to speed things up and make sure that everybody got things on time. And I was doing the customer service personally. All I was seeing was the disappointment of people not getting their stuff fast enough. And there was a couple orders who had issues. A couple people got the wrong thing or a couple people with their package got lost so we're having to contact the delivery couriers and all that shit but i was only getting like the end of people giving me shit and being upset one thing nobody was upset about was the quality and i know that for a goddamn fact i'm a stickler about that i don't release nothing that i wouldn't wear myself but the only complaints were like just with shipping and timing and all these things that i felt like

were out of my control and i had already done so much to try and like make them work and from my perspective, all I was seeing was people's disappointment and I felt bad and I felt like I let everybody down. No matter how much I stressed myself out and forced and tried and tried to make it as good as I could, there was people that were upset. There were so many more people who were not upset. People were posting their videos and y'all were tagging me doing the review and unboxing and all of us and y'all were so excited and those made me happy. But it's like once you've been exposed to so much negative about a certain experience, it kind of jades it. It's like when there's hate comments.

You get 100 comments and you get five hate comments. If 95 were positive, the five that were negative are going to piss you off or like they're going to hit you a little bit. And you're going to feel like the whole experience was negative. So I ended up handing off the customer service aspect. I couldn't look at it anymore because it ruined my excitement for everything. And I felt like everything I was trying to do to make sure everything went good was useless. everything went great when you have 15,000 orders and 100 have issues that's a very small

percentage most people very happy yeah there was a delay with things getting out because there was so many things like our order but everybody got their stuff everything's great there was a few orders that had hiccups but like I was focused on just that and I felt like the entire experience was a disappointment I felt like 15,000 people who ordered were disappointed and it wasn't the truth so once I got the negative out of my face and I hired someone to do the customer service, now I feel a lot better because now I see the videos and the unboxing and y'all tagging me and it's like, I feel better about it. I feel really good. But I wanted to say thank you to everybody who ordered. And when you wear your merch out in public, if you see other people

wearing it, say hi. I want to make this like a thing where y'all can like meet each other, make friends, meet people who got the same integrity and morals that we do because it's hard to come by. And a lot of people ask me how to make friends. There you fucking go. When you see somebody out in the merch, even if you don't own any. if you own it wear it and if you don't own any but you recognize people wearing it go up to them and say hi tell me like they merch you're gonna be friends every time i was on tour people met in the audience everybody's like still friends i'm still in a lot of group chats and i see everybody like the little friendships evolving but that was the whole thing with the merch like i said it's still live if you want to

buy it links in the description i got some christmas stuff coming out you're gonna gag he's cute But that situation kind of beat me down a little bit And got me to like a point where I was kind of like Losing a little confidence Not feeling the best about myself You know things It's how the cookie crumboo It's how the hair falls out

But back to the cycle that I was stuck in I had to go on this whole like self-exploration thing Of who I am when I'm not giving And that's a difficult one for me because like I said, I look at giving in my life, like in so many different aspects. And who I am when I'm not giving was scary as shit to sit there with. Because I was like, do I exist? You have to think about it.

Like, if you're used to giving and doing and everything that you do is giving and you look at everything you do is giving, when you stop giving, like, I had an identity crisis of like, who the hell am I? Do I still exist? Because when I wasn't giving to my social media, everything kind of like was slowing down. People were still posting stories, tagging me, comments, and yet there's always engagement.

There's always notifications going off. But I have all my notifications turned off. So when I open the app is when I see what the fuck is going on. But I had to kind of go on this self-expiration thing. I'm like, who am I when I'm not constantly bleeding out to give to everybody and everything? And that was another act of self-love I had to invest of not feel. beating the algorithm, not worrying about not posting, not worrying about losing traction. And all this shit, like all the fears and the worries that come up, it's like when you stop

giving to social media and giving to my business basically, I was so worried about what was going to happen. But I had to step back and choose. Whatever consequences come from me stopping all the giving while I am there for myself is what it's going to be. I will take those consequences as an investment of self-love to show myself how much I'll be there for myself. To have someone care about you enough to stop everything going on, that's a lot of love you'd feel. Think about it if somebody else did that for you. If they didn't give a fuck what happened, they stopped.

Everything that felt like was bleeding them dry just to attend to you, that's what happened with myself. So I encourage you to do it if you got that thought. Having kids is different. I always got to mention that part. I don't think I'll ever have kids because I, I don't know and don't say oh you're gay how were you ever have kids you can make them in a lab and shit plenty of my friends will have my kids for me but I don't know if I'm going to

have kids but that's a separate thing but yeah this whole exploration thing of like who I am when I'm not giving I turned off all social media like I haven't been on it I haven't been looking at it I wanted to stop getting like validation and like proof that I'm still alive and that I still exist from the things I was giving to. So I just started going out and like doing things in life, having me fine, seeing what the hell happened and like exploring myself again. And even though I stopped giving and pushing on social media and like giving so much to it, I stopped posting entirely.

The people that I met when I would go out in public, I kept getting recognized. I weirdly got recognized more. The impact that I made still existed. The love that I gave to people and shared. with people and the love that they gave me, I could finally receive it because I also, when I went out in public, I wasn't drained the dry and I wasn't forcing myself to act a certain way. If I was upset or I was down, like, I was at the story the other night and I was kind of like down

and sad and somebody recognized me and I was like, oh, I'm having a shit day, to be honest. I was like, well, we could take a picture. Hi. And they were like, oh my God, me too. I'm having an awful fucking day, but you just named my day seeing you. and the interaction fed me weirdly and then I started meeting a bunch more people that night I stopped at the gas station for my little cigarette run and five different cars people were jumping out the cars to come and say hi to me and me not changing how I showed up my energy was fed like

I was fed by everybody saying hi to me and giving me love and giving me a hug it was nice it was so nice like y'all were there for me a lot of you there's probably like a hundred people in the past like a couple weeks that y'all have been feeding me and helping me and this was the nicest experience and i'm so happy that i recognized this cycle and i didn't isolate myself in the house i did for a little bit but when i was ready to go back out i wasn't willing to bend myself and force energy that i didn't have and it fed me made me feel really good made me feel energized you guys like brought the life back into me and kind of like helped me see that the impact was still there even though I wasn't giving and bleeding myself dry like it showed me I can stop and I'm so appreciative of that

so thank you even the comments that you guys left even if I didn't meet you in public like the comments that you guys have been leaving and saying that you missed me and checking on me I appreciate it a lot a whole lot real bad but one thing I do want to address and talk about is like this whole phase that I had where I was allowing myself to prioritize myself and stop giving to so much stuff all the doubt and the fear and the worry that I had of people always say like you're a slave to the algorithm

you have to feed the algorithm not me I've done this a whole different way than most people and I have to remind myself of that a lot my energy is its own algorithm And I've learned how to spiritually tap into that in a way that is hard to put into words. If I ever actually sit down and backtrack how I've done what I've done with social media, I could sell a course and shit on every single person who sells courses.

Like the frequency of algorithms or something. I could teach the shit out of that. But I'm not getting involved in that anytime soon. Don't worry. You're not going to hear about me. Oh, I'm playing a course. Not for a while, if that's ever going to be a thing. but my point is I had to like remind myself that I've got a different approach to this I don't have like this fake bullshit it's like my energy is what feeds my algorithm you guys know when something's off you can feel it I've been too honest and transparent now you know what's something's wrong so I can't fake it I can't bullshit it my happiness and my success are now in tandem their hand in hand my success is dependent on my happiness and my ability to be off

and honest and grow and learn and change and go through this hard-ass shit and then talk about how I get through it. I love how I've set my life up. That's been like a really cool thing that I've learned in this past couple of weeks of loving Leo. But the thing I've been working on now is paying attention to when I give, when I want to give versus I feel obligated to give. That's not something I've been super rigid about. and when I don't feel like the most confident

and I don't spend time with myself and take care of myself, I give out of obligation a lot. But through these past couple weeks of just showing up how I'm going to show up, my soul knows when to give, and it will prompt me to. And I don't get in the way of that.

Y'all know I walk around with a certain envelope in all of my bags that has cash in it at all times. So I have this thing with my soul and like just my intuition. I've always had it since I'm little. I get this weird feeling when I see certain people and I will give them money.

I don't know what it is. Whether it's 100 bucks, 200 bucks, 500 bucks, whatever it is. It's just like something will tell me who needs it. And it's always fallen in line. Like when people need it, I get pinged spiritually, however the fuck it happens. Why am I? You taking action is the universe taking action. That just wanted to come out.

So, cool. But that kind of ties in with this. Like when people have needed it, certain people have been like, oh my God, I didn't know how it was going to come up with $500 for rent tomorrow. I can't believe. Like, people start crying when I give them money sometimes. And it's the nicest experience. And nobody ever makes videos about it.

Nobody's ever talked about it. I've never seen them. I've never seen anybody who I've given to make a video or talk about it or come into me on it. People just love to talk shit about me, whatever. But that's not the point. That's not why I give it. It's not why I do it.

But I make sure I always have money on me to give to people. my intuition tells me when to do it and I always feel fed by those interactions that's why I don't give a fuck if I don't get credit for it that's just like a sole thing and when I got home from the store the other night after all this went on with the gas station and the store all these things people like everybody's energy was feeding me I went downstairs at my apartment building and I went to go get packages I was putting off getting packages for fuck days I didn't want to go deal with it going in a little locker thing type in the clothes Fuck that.

I was so irritated with it. But going out in public that night and everybody feeding me in a way energetically, I came back up here and I was like, let me go get those damn packages. They've been sitting there for a minute. I keep getting the emails. Your package misses you. I'm sure it does. But I go downstairs and there's this girl that I've seen a couple times.

She recognizes me. But it was like 10 or 11 o'clock at night because I'd like to go to the package room when there's no goddamn body in there. Get out of the fucking way. But I go down there and I see the girl. And I was like, hey. and she had her she had a new hair i was like i like your hair she was like thank you but as i was walking by i said that and then i was almost through the door and she was like leo i have a question what should

i do for my 21st birthday tomorrow and i was like get drunk what do you mean and she was like no i've like everybody wants to get drunk and everybody talks about drinking she's like i don't really care to like i'm not like an alcohol person i was like okay don't feel like you're obligated to drink because it's your 21st birthday spend it however you want to spend it i was like what do you got planned moral of a story she kind of told me she didn't really have much planned and she didn't really have many people to spend her birthday with like she didn't know anything really going to happen and i was like go out and buy yourself something nice then fuck it i was like don't worry about it i was like you know what go out and buy something expensive and tell me how much it is

and i'll split it with you how about that and she was like oh my god no like i don't have that I want and I've just been trying to work on paying off my debt and it made me feel bad and I got that spark of to give to her but I didn't have any of my cash on me so I asked her for her Venmo and I've been mowed her $500. She thought I was kidding but I've been mowed her 500 bucks and she almost started crying when I sent it. She was like oh my God you actually sent it and I was like yeah happy birthday and I was like I'm the first person to tell you happy birthday And she was like, you're the first person to give me something. And I think you're going to be the only person to give it to me on my birthday.

That made me fucking sad as shit. But she has said that she had a trip coming up. And her friends were supposed to go to New York. And she wasn't going to be able to go. And she was like, thank you for that because now I'm going to be able to go. My soul knows what it's doing. But I don't hesitate. And I don't let myself get in the way of like when I feel,

spark to give to people. And one thing I'm going to acknowledge, since you dumb rat fucks on social media have been saying, oh, Leo's racist, Leo's this, Leo's that, shut the fuck up. My soul don't see no skin color. My soul doesn't see nothing. He's a human being and I give to anybody I feel to give to. When I talked about a few months ago, when I saw that girl on the side of the road doing the sign thing, she was black. I didn't feel the need to fucking mention that. But since people want to go and smear my name, I'm going to stand up for myself once again. Go fuck yourself. How about next black person you see go give them $500 fucking dollars?

You want to sit here and run your fucking mouth about me? Shut up. And the girl that was downstairs at my building was also black. How the hell are you going to call me racist? I don't get it. Like that genuinely infuriates the fuck out of me. I wanted to get that off my chest. Anybody saying Leo Skeppy is racist, choke and fucking die.

You're a liar. All these people taking everything out of context, like I called it. crying about all this shit. And like a Charlie Kirk video that I made, that whole thing started like a whole cancellation. People got their panties in a fucking twist. Do I agree with everything he said? No.

Do I need to say that? Like, do you not have two fucking brain cells to rub together or you just spend time rubbing your... Let me be a little considerate. I know a lot of young people watch me. So I'm going to try and take the hire out. Fuck you. That's all I got to say.

If you can't look at me and understand, I don't agree with everything he said, Huh? I don't get that. I don't, like, not my problem. Not my issue. I'm not giving you anymore my energy to give a fuck that you exist. Die. I don't care to argue.

Die. That's my response to you if you don't like me and you want to say this, this, and that about me. That's how indifferent I am to you. Take your last breath, bitch. Today. But back to the whole situation

I was talking about with the girl at the front office, the sweet girl. Little angel, she's so sweet. She'd be helping me find my packages when I lose them. My identity, being so wrapped up into giving, I can't stop giving. That's not who I am. That's not how I am.

But I've got a good distinction now between giving out of obligation, whether it's time, money, energy, any of it, versus giving because it's what I'm aligned to do. And I'm always going to do that. But now I want to talk about how much I just had to pay in taxes for last year. I'm irritated as a motherfucker. I just had to pay $270,000 to the IRS. What is the government doing with the money? I don't know and I don't give a fuck no more. This just sparked anger in me.

If I'm going to be given and be forced to give, all the profit I just made off my merch, just went to the IRS. I'm irritated. I'm pissed off. I'm not giving the, government money to go do what they want to do with it. I don't trust them. I don't like it. The anger, the irritation of all of that feeling taken from just sparked a whole different

idea in my head. And this one's so let. I'm going to make a nonprofit of some sort so I can get out of paying taxes so much. And I'm going to put the money into my nonprofit. So it's a right off for me. I don't got to pay that shit to the IRS. And then I got an idea to start paying off balances at elementary schools and middle schools for the lunch, for the kids. Any kid with an outstanding balance who owes money to the school for food, I'm going to go pay it the fuck off. And one of my goals this year for Christmas is my elementary school that I went to, Lipscomb, Lipscomb Elementary, Pinsco de Florida.

I'm going to call them and I'm going to find out how much all the kids owe on there. Like any kid who has an outstanding balance or like families that can't afford to feed their kids. I want to pay off the entire school's debt with the food for the kids. That's my goal for Christmas this year. But that whole irritation with the IRS, thinking about me, the people who talk shit about me sit here and live off of the government. I just paid $270,000 for people that don't want to work who just want to sit there and run their fucking rat mouths about me. You've never been hit in the mouth by your parent clearly clearly i just paid like six of your fucking income for a year okay and you want to sit there and talk about me shut the fuck up i'm taking the money out of

your fucking ungrateful dumbass mouth and i'm going to give it to the kids so i'm learning my way around the system this anger and this aggravation i see how it all lined up because i want to start doing this on like a bigger scale and feed the kids take care of the bill at the school and make sure that the kids in the middle school and elementary school can fucking eat that's what my soul came up with today so I'm going to figure out how to do that and yeah I feel good about it that's a giving that I feel like I want to do so I'm always going to give but I'm going to give when it feels right I'm not going to give till I bleed the fuck out anymore I feel better how do you feel

I think that's it. I think that's all I got for this week. The sunset. So the lighting looks a little different. I'm not going to edit it. I'm not going to fix it in the Final Cut Pro when I edit this. I don't know how to do all that. You're just going to watch the sunset with me.

But next week's episode, I want to make like a list of things that will secretly eat away at your self-esteem from what I've just learned and gone through. There's so many covert little ways and things that people can do and things that you can do. that will eat away at your confidence and your self-esteem and I want to talk about that shit and save you from it. I'm gagged, like baffled by the amount of things that was making me all insecure for no reason. You're taking the shit out of me. Like it really made me feel so down and like it pushed me further into a rut. So like this episode, I want to talk about the cycle and all this stuff. I'm happy to be back. My soul is happy to be back. My soul needed to like

feed me a little bit. But here we are back. You're giving everybody a little buffet. But yeah, I don't know when I'm going to get back on social media posting a little, like, TikToks and shit. I'll feel that out. But I think next week, I'll do like a list of all the things that will secretly, like, eat the fuck away at your self-esteem. Yeah. That's nice. That'll be my community service for ghosting you. Sorry.

I needed me. All right. Damn. I did. But yeah, that's it. That's all I got for this episode. Leave me comment. Let me know what you think.

I'll link the merch in the description too if you want to go buy anything new stuff's going to be coming out I'll probably tell you about it next week um like holiday stuff through like a little pre-you idea the fire you know I'll also leave all my social media the description I've been posting Instagram stories here and there posted some books if you go to my Instagram highlights and you see the one with the brain like with books I've been posting some things in there that I've been helping me I've been reading it a lot again I missed it but yeah I feel good I feel a lot better and I'm happy to be back on my own terms. So that's it.

All I got for this week. Everybody, be safe. Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.