Aware & Aggravated - 55. Outgrowing Friends & How To Handle It

Episode Date: December 18, 2022

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Hi friends, so shit looks different once again because I moved it's the same desk It's the same mic. It's the same everything. Same me just a new apartment And if it echoes, I'm so sorry this bitch is big No, really I've been busting my fucking ass since I moved to Houston and I wanted to upgrade my place and I can do a full episode about like why I moved how I moved the whole situation because the way that it lined up was some crazy ass shit. So I definitely wanna talk about it eventually, but I'm just gonna shut the fuck up for now and go into navigating out-growing people

and out-growing friends, cause that's something I was not prepared for when I started my little self-growth, self-development journey, like really just getting my fucking life and check Starting a business doing my shit I lost a lot of people and people came and went a lot It's because I out grew shit very fast So I'm gonna talk about a few situations where you cannot grow people like re free frame it in your mind for you

We're gonna do like the perspective shifts first. I'm gonna talk about situations and I'm gonna tell you how to navigate them I'm also gonna tell you how to know you've outgrown someone, like what to look for, like the main indicator that you've outgrown someone. And then I'm also gonna talk about checking you, like I'm gonna check you because a lot of people need to be more considerate

with their friends. Cause like when you outgrow someone, a lot of people just kinda like go on their new path and do their own thing and forget about the friend. Like you need to be fucking considerate, you need to communicate. So I'm going to teach you how to navigate that. And I'm also going to talk about dealing with friends having negative reactions to you doing new shit or like anything like that like out growing people, they feel it too. And they're going to have a negative reaction.

So I'm going to teach you how to navigate all of this shit. But the first thing I want to say to kick this bitch off is outgrowing people is Totally normal. It's an expected thing throughout your entire fucking life It is totally okay to outgrow people and feel like you have outgrown people because the reality is You have when you meet someone who you were when you met them at that point in time is not who you have to be forever You're gonna change you you're gonna develop, you're gonna grow, you're gonna have new perspectives, new experiences, new outlooks on life, your personality's gonna change,

your desires are gonna change. And the people you meet at one point might not be compatible with the new things that you desire or the new person that you are. Whether you make a mindset shift and you just see the fucking world completely different, you're immediately going to like detach and no longer resonate with the people in your life. It's very painful and it's very fucking weird and people don't talk about it. So here I am.

So I want to throw out a new perspective really quick about outgoing people. So think back to like high school or college or work, like having a job. When you have friends in these environments, it's because you're forced to be around each other. Like the friends I had in high school, I always called it like school friends. Like I have friends that I'm friends with at school, but I'm not hanging out with you outside of school. But my whole point with this is like school, work, college, whatever it is. If you are like forced to be around someone, of course you're gonna feel like you have a friendship. You're gonna feel like you're close to

this person. But when that thing ends, you quit the job, you finish school, and you're no longer forced to be around these people, it's gonna take a lot of effort to remain friends. And that's the one thing a lot of people don't realize. And I had this whole thing kind of happen when I was in nursing school, like my best friend Heather. She was like older than me. She had like two kids just three now but we were so tight in nursing school. Like we were like it was me her and my friend Brittany and we were like the little trio. Like everybody knew us together but like me and Heather were so fucking tight and through nursing school we were like spent time together all the time we text every day. Like we were doing the same thing, we were working toward the same goal.

So we were very involved in each other's life, very close. Once school ended, we were no longer forced to be around each other. And then you have to look at, am I actually compatible with this person outside of what we were forced to be around each other for? Like, she's a grown woman with children. I was 21 when I graduated. What the fuck business did we have being friends? We're still tight. Like, we still talk occasionally.

Like, we'll check in on each other. We're not involved in each other's life often, but I still care about her very much. Like, I still cherish the memories we have. I still cherish that entire time in my life. But, we're not involved in each other's life heavily anymore We kind of like we literally just went on our own life and they're not compatible Like we went in our own direction and it sucks and it's sad

But it doesn't mean you're like not friends anymore or you've outgrown them or anything It's like you're just different like once that thing that's gluing you together goes away You're gonna have to assess, are we actually compatible? That's just a whole perspective. I wanted to throw out you around friendship because a lot of people aren't really aware of that. That's not really much about outgoing people, but that's just one situation where it's okay

to leave people behind. It's okay to close that chapter of your life and someone can go from like in your day to day life to not in your life barely at all. And you text and you talk on the phone every once in a while, a couple of months, whatever. Like if she ever called me and needed me, I'm there. We still have that loyalty and that like love for each other.

I fucking cherish her. She's like the sweetest heart I've ever met but we don't have compatible lives. One, the age thing, two, now the distance. It's like there's so many things that have happened. Like we weren't compatible, like to be besty-boos. But when we had that thing we were working toward together, it was easy to be besty-boos.

You feel me? So that's just something I want to throw out. All right, so let's really talk about outgoing people like for real. So as you have new goals or new desires, you're going to have to completely change the way you're living your life. And if you're friends with someone and you're living a certain way and then you have a desire for a new thing or you set a new goal, you're going to have to completely change everything about your life. And I'm going to give you my personal

example of when I started my business and when I started my app positive focus. That literally fucked me up psychologically. Many reasons. But I went from having so many friends and such a big social life to none. Like I've had a big period of my life where I was isolated heavily and then I started like I was in a really really bad spot like mentally and what I was isolated heavily. And then I started like, I was in a really, really bad spot, like mentally and what I was dealing with in life. Like I had a lot of shit going on that I couldn't manage at the time. I learned how to manage it eventually,

but while I was going through it, I was rolling every fucking weekend, like just partying my life away, drinking non-stop, just trying to escape my fucking feelings in my reality. And the people I bonded with, the people were like my party friends, where people I saw all the time, I saw them frequently because we were all

running from shit. We were all trying to escape our reality. We were all just trying to like feel better and not feel for a second. So when I had the idea to start my app, it required me to change everything about my life. Like I had to stop partying, stop drinking, stop drugging, stop everything because it's very expensive to do that shit. And I needed to save as much money as possible to put it into my app because my app was like $25,000 from start to finish to get everything done.

And I'm gonna make a podcast episode eventually about everything I wish I knew about business before I started my businesses because I can save you a lot of fucking money and a lot of fucking time and headache and heartbreak. I'll talk about my biggest heartbreak with like business too. But when I decided to invest in my app,

I was like, I need to save as much as possible. I was not like rolling in fucking dough. I literally was like very budgeted, very tight, but I was spending any money I had on like partying and escaping my fucking life because I didn't want to fucking live it. So my new goal of creating this app and starting this business, I had to completely change who I was and how I was living. And I stopped partying, I stopped going out to eat, literally didn't go out to eat

for like four months. Stop doing fucking anything. And any free time I had was spent working on the app, having it developed, thinking about things, meetings, conferences, all this fucking shit. Like, I thought there was so much more that went into an app and I made it so fucking difficult for myself, but it's good because it did kind of like save me from like the lifestyle I was in, but I had to change everything and what bonded me to people I had to stop doing. I was no longer in these places hanging around with these people because what I wanted was

over here. It was not over here. This is where all my friends were. So for me to go in this direction, of course we're going to split and I look at that as out growing people because I Did But the moment that I split and when after my goals I went from having all these friends to having nothing and like no one around me and the worst part of it was The reason I felt so alone with it is because these people did not understand my goals and what I was trying to do They didn't understand my discipline. They didn't understand how much I had to invest and what it was gonna take for me to build

What I wanted to build they just didn't get it like their brain was not thinking in that direction They couldn't fathom the idea. They just they they've ever typed like throw around ideas and shit and never act on it never do anything Like when I have an idea I act on it and when I say shit and never act on it, never do anything. Like when I have an idea, I act on it. And when I say I'm gonna act on it, I'm already five steps into it before I tell anybody. But basically they just didn't understand what I was doing and why I was changing my life so much and why I was choosing to do the things

that I was choosing to do instead of hanging out with them and party with them. Like they just saw, oh we're having fun, we're friends, we're so close, we're tight, we have fun every weekend, whatever, but the weekend leads into Thursday plus Friday plus Saturday Then we'll go to brunch on fucking Sunday and then it's like a little Sunday, fun day It gets a four fucking day party week Like I can't do that and build a business at the same time like I'm sure you could

But it was not gonna be up to my standard of excellence for myself So I quit all that shit. So these friends that I have genuinely did not understand what I was doing. And I couldn't expect them to. Like, I didn't know if it was gonna work. I was just taking a fucking shot in the dark. And I was kind of faced at a crossroads it felt like where I had to choose going for my goal and starting my business, starting my app and like doing all my shit over here or go down this road of these friends in this partying lifestyle

that I know was empty and was just an escape. Like I was there was never anything good gonna come from it. And that is one of the biggest moments that you know you've outgrown someone is when you feel like you have to sacrifice your goals or hold yourself back in order to have them in your life. When you feel like you have to sacrifice your goals or hold yourself back in order to have them in your life. When you feel like that, you've outgrown them. It's time to take some space, leave them the fuck be, allow them to do their thing, you sign up and they go fucking to your shit and you shut up and you fucking stay on track.

Don't hold yourself back for nobody. But that's one of the biggest ways I've found to know you've outgrown someone. It's when I feel like it's my goals or my friendship with you. And to spend time with you is going to hold me back from what I want. That's how you know it's time to do some sort of now and add some distance.

But all of that is just like a mindset growth. Like there's no actual like growth that's happened yet. When you have the idea and you start going in your new direction. So another way to know that you've truly outgrown someone is after I went down this road of like doing my business for six months and like not going out to eat, not doing shit, isolating myself, not partying,

barely seeing these fucking people, I was so different mentally. And when I met this group of people, we were all right here. We were all buddy buddy, we were on the same level, the same page, we thought the same, we were dealing with the same shit. And six months time had passed. I had grown, I had educated myself,

I had been doing other shit. I completely changed my identity. I completely changed the way that I was living. I was on a different level now. And when I went back one night to hang out with everyone and like go out and just party I was like I just fucking grind it for like six months I want to go relax and fucking have some goddamn shots and like party my ass off I went back to hang out with these people. I saw the disconnect like I felt it

I no longer resonated with it. I no longer understood Them and the way they were looking at shit Like I had like broken out of that perspective and that mindset and like climbed a flight of fucking stairs I just felt like such a disconnect from them and that's gonna happen when you feel such a drastic Disconnect with people that you use to hang out with and the new you That's another big sign you've outgrown them like it's not a shady fucking thing. It's not mean. It's not rude. It's just you have different goals. You have different priorities. I just want to say you're fully allowed to do this. Like you're allowed to outgrow people. You're allowed to outgrow friends. Don't have guilt for it. Like I know I repeat it myself because

I said it's in the beginning, but that's just what I wish someone would have told me is it's okay to grow even if it hurts people. And let me elaborate a little bit about me saying that. It's okay to grow even if it hurts people because when you start leveling up and you start growing, like when I went back and I was hanging out with these friends again after not seeing them for a long time, like I went and leveled up and changed. And then I went back and hung out with them. I wasn't interested in the shit they were talking about. I wasn't interested in the shit that they were doing.

I didn't see them as like, cool people like I once did. I didn't respect them. I had no, I didn't give a fuck to be around them. And people can feel that. People can literally sense it. Like people you know when someone is like, you're a fuck about what you're saying. And you know when someone is thinking about fuck about what you're saying. And you know when someone is just like, eh,

like indifferent toward you. So once you've grown and leveled up, if you try and keep forcing yourself to be around people, it's gonna kind of drive a wedge between you because they're gonna feel it. They're gonna feel the shift. They're gonna feel that you've lost interest. You don't respect them, you don't care about them.

That's what they're gonna think. Like it's just, it's not a good feeling when there's no verbalization of it because they're not gonna get it. It's just like your behavior and your attitude is just gonna change and they're left to wonder what switch. It's like if someone just all of a sudden change how they were acting toward you,

you'd be like, what the fuck, you might get insecure, you might get worried about it. But also, it's not nice to yourself, to force yourself to go hang out with people and be around people that you don't wanna be around. Like if you don't have anything in common with someone, if you don't genuinely enjoy their company, if you're just doing it out of like guilt or pity,

cause you feel bad, like, oh, I have to fucking go be around this friend, even though they drain the fuck out of me. You know, people drain you and you constantly force yourself to go be around them. That's the opposite of a self-loving behavior. I'm gonna say that, but you could do whatever you want

because some situations you have to. We're in it, like, there are certain situations where it is warranted you do need to go be around certain people, even if they feel like they're draining you, but to choose it just to not hurt the other person, you're hurting them with your presence because you're treating them different without realizing it. So that makes sense, like, I want to set you free from if you're scared to cut off a certain person or spend less time with a certain person, you're damned if you're doing your damned if you don't, because you're scared to cut off a certain person or spin less time with a certain person, you're damned if you're doing you're damned if you don't because you're like putting yourself

at war with yourself and you're treating them different without realizing like you're gonna hurt them one way or another. So do what's best for both of you because no one likes to be around someone that looks at them like they don't go fuck with it I have to say like I wouldn't want to be around someone that didn't feel like was interested in me or cared about what I had to say and like, wanted to be in my company. And you shouldn't force yourself to be around someone and waste your time with someone you don't want to be around. It might feel bad to cut it,

but it's the best situation for both of you to do that. And there are going to be situations where you start Seeing the world different and you start like budding heads with people and having fights and shit And if you notice that you don't see things the same as a friend anymore like you're arguing a lot or you're just not seeing eye to eye about shit And you just keep bickering You can agree to just take some space be like okay, okay, don't get mad, don't freak out. Just be like, we're not seeing eye to eye. Maybe we just need to take some time

and like go do our own thing for a minute and then we can readjust this later. But like, I know you're tired of the fighting and I know you're tired of the constant disagreements and the bickering, but I think what's best is just for us to take a minute and like go our separate ways, get a breather. And it's not because I don't care about you,

I don't love you. We're both, we both just need to respect each other, agree to disagree for a minute and then part and just see what happens. Like I'm not cutting you off because I'm mad at you. It's just, it's stressing both of us out and it's fucking up both of our happiness. So let's just agree to kinda do our own thing for a minute.

That's a good way to go about that situation. Okay. So the next situation is kind of how to navigate all this like wrapped up in one because it's easy to deal with outgrowing people who are kind of like just party friends or superficial friends that you don't really connect with or you're not very, very close to. When you have someone you're very close to and you outgrow them, that is a motherfucking disaster. Oh my god. For many reasons that I'm an unpack at all. So I'm going to give you example from my life and then tell you kind of what happened. But I had a friend, basically, who I used to just

talk shit with, like we would just vent, we would literally just sit down for hours and just bitch and whine and complain about our life and how things were so fucked up and how people were so fucked up. And we would just complain. And it was like my venting friend. And I was going through a lot of shit that woke me up. And the more I like got perspective and the more I grew and became aware, the more I realized, motherfucker, you're responsible for your life. Like yeah, these circumstances might have been shitty, but look at how you contributed and look at how you reacted and how you handled it. You have a part to play too. You're not just this fucking victim, you know? I've never played the role of the victim, but like I did a little, like I was so like giving my power away and not like grabbing life by its fucking nuts and making it what the fuck I want to make it.

I decided to do that. I decided to stop making excuses and stop bullshitting and just take everything for what it was, except this is what it is, this is what's happened. Now what am I gonna do? That's my biggest thing. Okay, all this happened. What am I gonna do now? And it puts you back in your place of power and then you can decide what to do it It brings you back to the moment. You're not dwelling on the past of what could have been different What wasn't your control? What fucked you over? What wasn't fair? What fuck all that? Get in the place of presence and the power you have right now by saying, okay, what now?

What am I gonna do now? And make your fucking decision to keep moving forward. There's a time to reflect, but it's not fucking that fast. It's not like all the time. You don't need to fucking reflect all the goddamn time. You don't need to sit around and vent and complain and why, and it's a waste of time.

So I had this giant mental shift and I looked at complaining as a waste of time because So I had this giant mental shift and I looked at complaining as a waste of time Because what I wanted to do was act. I wanted to change my fucking life and change shit so I had this giant mental shift and The person that I was friends with did not so I switched my entire outlook on life and the way that I behaved Again, like the other situation was starting the business, but it was just like an internal shift. So just the way that I would have conversations, the way that I would perceive the world and look at things no longer matched with this person I used to vent with. So when this person wanted to vent, I got fucking annoyed.

I felt like I was wasting my time. I didn't want to hear that fucking shit. All I saw was excuses. And I no longer accepted excuses from myself. was wasting my time, I didn't want to hear that fucking shit. All I saw was excuses. And I no longer accepted excuses from myself. So I did have like a judgmental attitude of this person. I'm like, just shut the fuck up. Like, why are you sitting here whining about it? Let's brainstorm some ways to fix it or help the situation.

Like, what can we do? Now what can we say? You know, like, let's fucking fix the shit or shut the fuck up. And let's just move forward? You know, like let's fucking fix the shit or shut the fuck up and let's just move forward. You know, like I have this giant shift and it completely like I handled it so wrong. And I was trying to explain to this friend, like the new realizations I had, the new perspective shifts that I had, what I was going to start doing, how I was looking at situations and it just wasn't working.

It was like we were budding heads and every time they would talk I no longer agreed with some of the shit that they said. I'm like that's closed-minded as fuck like you don't get it and that's not the fucking way to go about it. But that was a giant situation where I outgrew someone and it was very painful because this person I was very close with and I had a lot of guilt because I felt like mentally I was leaving them behind. And then physically I stopped doing the same shit. Like I was no longer just sitting on the couch venting with them anymore. I was up working doing shit and like changing my life. So I stopped spending so much time with them.

And I felt really bad for it because I left them mentally. They were still locked in that perspective and I unlocked it and got out. Like I'm in a whole new perspective, a whole new reality mentally. And then I was in a whole new life. Like I was living a physical life that was so different and I did leave them behind. And whenever they would talk to me, I was looking at them like just judging them because I'm like you don't fucking get it and you're making fucking excuses but you can't shake someone you can't rip someone's eyes open you can't make people see shit if you try to explain it and you feel yourself getting frustrated stop stop fucking explaining people are so resistant to seeing certain things you can't wake them to fuck up. Do not feel bad if you have to split or like

Go separate ways. But this person started to feel like I was fighting them and I was against them and They genuinely felt left behind and a lot of people Especially if they have a negative reaction toward you like if you have this new goal It is new thing you're working on or working toward if someone has a negative reaction toward you, like if you have this new goal, or this new thing you're working on, or working toward, if someone has a negative reaction to it, they feel left behind. They feel discarded. They feel like you're too good for them now, and that's one thing a lot of people will say is, oh, you think you're too good for everybody now. Bitch, you're just insecure. Not once that I fucking say anything like that. You know, people are going to have their own insecurities. People are gonna see you leveling up

and changing your life and doing shit that they wish they could do. And when they see you living a whole different perspective and just feeling different, they're gonna get jealous and they're gonna feel more hopeless because you just left them where they were, where you used to be.

They just saw you get out. So of course they feel left behind, they feel abandoned, that's gonna fuck with anybody. Like there's a lot more that goes on deeper without growing people and why they have such strange and like sometimes intense reactions. There's so much more going on there

than just, oh, I'll agree to them, they're just better, they don't wanna see me do good. No, they're dealing with their own shit. You don't know what they're feeling that you just doing good reflects them You don't know what they're feeling inside and most of times their reaction is based off of what they're feeling It's not about what you're doing But a lot of people are like I'm trying to do better for myself and you're being negative You're ruining the experience. That's where I'm gonna check you, all right?

Because you need to understand the situation and the reality of what you're doing to this friend when you outgrow them. The way that I did it with my friend that I used to vent with and the way that I used to just like judge them and I was kinda like harsh and mean, that was not the fucking way to go about it.

Like you have to wake up to the fact of like, you are leaving this person mentally or physically like whatever it is this person is gonna feel abandoned this person it's gonna fuck with anybody to have that happen imagine somebody out grew you and just went on with their life and you saw them doing so good without you that's gonna make you feel like fucking dog shit so don't attack the people that you feel like you're out growing. Set boundaries with them. If you're gonna try and keep them in your life, set boundaries with them. I'm like, okay, this is time I'm dedicating to this every day. If I'm not as like attentive

and like hanging out with you as much, this is why I'm doing XYZ. Like explain. Just give an explanation of what you're doing and why you're not spending time with them so much. And this is the biggest part where I'm saying I'm gonna check everybody and teach you how to be a good fucking friend because I learned by fucking this up. So if you have your priorities change or your outlook change or anything that you want to change about your life and start doing different, fucking communicate it to the person. If you're close with someone and you feel like you're out growing them, I don't care if it's a friend, parent, anybody. If you feel like you're out growing them, you need to communicate that things have shifted inside of you and what you plan to do different and give them the fucking reassurance that they have not done anything wrong. You have to explain that there is simply just a difference of

compatibility like what you want to do and give explanation that you're gonna do it. It's not up for discussion if you are or aren't gonna pursue your goals. You're fucking doing it, okay? So one way I go about this now is if I notice that I'm gonna start doing a lot of shit different and it's gonna make me have to stop spending so much time with someone or certain people, I give them a heads up. I'm like, hey, just letting you know if I seem distant in the future or like soon, I want to give you the assurance that it's not anything to do with you.

I just have these couple of projects I'm working on so I'm gonna be very busy. Like I'm gonna be very, very focused and driven, that's where all my time is going to be. I don't want you to think you've done anything wrong, I don't want you to think I'm mad at you. I just want to let you know, like this is what's about to happen. Make it about your new goal and give them the peace of mind that you're not just abandoning them and just pulling back.

And the big thing I said about, I wanna give you the reassurance that I'm not mad at you, I want you to promise them. Be like, my silence does not mean I'm mad at you. So if you don't hear from me for a couple days or whatever, like it just means I'm very busy, it doesn't mean that I'm mad at you. I wanna go ahead and set that up

and give that to you now, I give you that peace of mind. If anything ever happens where I am upset, I will talk to you, but I don't want you to take my silence as like an attack or make it mean that something is like you've done something wrong or something's gone wrong. I want you to have like peace that I'm gonna like be distracted for a minute. And that will do more than you fucking think. It's really gonna give people a way to like learn to live without you. Like you're gonna, it's a way to kind of drift the part without going to someone and being

like, look, I don't want to be friends with you no more. You can totally do that if you feel like that's what's necessary. If you feel like someone is holding you back, set boundaries around what you're doing and push them out or you can just go about it and just say, hey, I don't wanna be friends with them more. I'm gonna go do my shit, you do your shit by. But I do recommend giving explanation because imagine your friend, all of a sudden, just starts being busy all the time.

And they start doing other things with other people and all their attention is on other shit. And you just, they don't have any interest in checking in on you. They don't ask to hang out. They don't like to do anything. Imagine your friend did that to you. You would start second guessing fucking everything. You'd be in your head. You'd be insecure. You'd be worried.

Are they mad at me? Do they not like me anymore? It doesn't feel good for someone to just pull away from you. So that's what I'm saying. If you're, if you're noticing you're growing and you can see that the people closest to you, you're not going to be around them as much and it's like you're growing apart or you're out growing them, give them some kind of heads up that it's not about them. That is the greatest gift you can give someone is like the mental clarity and reassurance

that there's nothing wrong with them. Because insecure people will find everything wrong with them if you just leave them. And I'm someone that that's happened to. And they're like, you just saved them from taking that fucking knife and sticking it in themselves. Just give them the reassurance that it's not about them. It's about you, your new goals and what you're going to be doing and just give them that fucking piece of mind. Be like, I still love you.

I still care about you. I can't wait to catch up and tell you about everything, doing and just give them that fucking piece of mine. Be like, I still love you, I still care about you. I can't wait to catch up and tell you about everything, but I just want to give you a heads up. If I seem a little more distant, that's what it is. If you want to check in on me, check in on me. I'd love to talk. If I don't text you first all the time, please don't get offended. Like, I'm just really, really busy.

And my focus is like in a hundred different directions. Just give explanation about what's gonna be happening and what you're noticing. Don't go to someone and say I about grown you. Okay, don't be a fucking dick. But with that the biggest thing is just give people the reassurance and nothing's gone wrong. Okay, even if you're like looking at them like I know I've fucking outgrown you, just give them that because they can't help it if they're not growing too. Now if they're giving you shit and they're like braiding you and being fucking mean, tell them and eat a dick and fucking do your thing.

But if they're not just be considerate and understand if people are having a negative reaction to you doing other shit and spending your time in different places, it's not personal, they're not mad at you. Like I said, they feel left behind, they feel insecure, they. They're worried They're concerned they think you don't like them anymore No one can deal with those feelings easily. They fucking hurt everybody They would hurt the fuck out of me. What I react on them. No, I'm just very controlled But a lot of people aren't so just understand that if you are out growing people and people are like attacking you It's not about you

and people are like attacking you. It's not about you. Might be, I don't know fucking know your situation. I just wanna let you in on the perspective of the other person and kinda like what's going on, cause I wasn't aware of any of this and so I started fucking up friendships. I never fucked nothing up that bad, okay? I was just a little like inconsiderate.

Like I didn't understand the proper way to navigate it, so this is what I've learned about it. And if you want to like peacefully just go separate ways with someone, this is the way to fucking do it. Like if you just go from talking to someone all the time, being close every day, spending time together to cutting it and like not wanting to be around them, that's gonna be difficult.

And they're gonna definitely think something's fucking wrong. And it's kind of like hard for both of you So if you wanted to just grow separately start getting busy start having other shit to do and It will peacefully just allow more distance between you and they'll learn how to deal with the distance like as it grows Versus if you just split it like it's not gonna feel as Like it's such a hole in their life. They're not gonna look at you like you've abandoned them.

It's like you've just grown apart gracefully and they've gotten used to the distance becoming more and more and more. If that makes sense, like you're teaching them how to live without you and to fill in the new spots of like what they wanna do and people they wanna hang out with. Like it gives them a chance to

like gracefully do it. If you want to stay on good terms with somebody. But like I said, if they're being mean, tell them to eat shit and fucking get on your way. But I do want to give you reassurance, you're not a piece of shit, you're not a fuck up, you're not mean, you're not an asshole for growing. Like being committed to growth will hurt those around you. As you grow, you're going to reflect to people what they are not. You're going to achieve things that they've convinced themselves they can't. And when they see you do it, it's going to trigger a lot of shit in them. And they might fucking attack you for it. But as you grow, prepare for every relationship in your life to be impacted by it. Unless someone is literally committed with you,

side by side to growth. Me and my sister are both committed to growth, but we've both had periods where we can't grow together. We can't be in each other's life and grow. Like we've had like falling out fucking fights around two different pages, and we just need to take space, take time, but every time we go take space, grow on our own.

When we come back together, it's tighter than before. It's the same thing with my mom. All the times we've had our like breaks and like come back together, we come back stronger. And as you're trying to grow, it's like if two plants are trying too hard to grow like next year, the little fucking leaves are going to get tangled, it's like if two plants are trying too hard to grow, like next week's other little fucking leaves are gonna get tangled, it's gonna get all fucked up. Like you need to go get your space in your garden to go fucking blossom as big as you wanna get and as wide as you wanna be. Get your fucking leaves out of there.

But like if you're trying to grow with someone, it can get like rocky and weird. And also, if you're with someone who is committed to growth, they'll understand. They're gonna get it. They're gonna understand like the shifts in yourself and the way that you change your fucking life around all of a sudden, they're gonna get it. So when your friends with people who are committed to growth are gonna understand and make the process easier for you, they'll be more in touch and more aware of what's going on with themself so they're not gonna attack you.

That's the best thing I can fucking recommend is like get people who are with it. And if you're looking for friends, my Facebook community, everybody in there is with it mentally. That's where we all fucking go to talk shit and hang out and give each other advice. But having people around you that are also committed to their own growth are gonna understand

sometimes it goes apart and then you'll come back together. Or sometimes it just grows apart and you grow in separate directions and that's okay, so be it. And they're gonna support you. Even though it's sad, even though it's like heartbreaking to grow apart from someone, they're gonna get it. But people that aren't committed to growth, people that aren't really aware are not gonna get it, they're gonna

have a lot harder time like having you grow. Like they're just, it's gonna be a lot of emotions and a lot of shit fucking everything up. But I don't want to talk too much about that. I do want to give you reassurance that you do not need support to do what you want to do. You do not need support from others to grow. You don't fucking need anyone. Let me make that very clear. Support is nice to have, but you are not dependent on it.

You are not crippled by it. You do not need support. You do not need people in your corner. I didn't have people in my corner at certain periods and I still fucking did it. You do not have to have that. While it does feel good to have it, it feels good to have your family support you. It feels good to have your friends support you. You can have no one and still get it to fuck done. It's gonna suck, but that's not a requirement. And so many people get so caught up in like when they start growing and

People don't get it or they don't support their journey. They like hold themselves back from it I'm like don't you fucking dare do that to yourself you fucking grow through it because on the other side of that is people who are Also on the other side of that I'd have grown and who fucking get it like don't be afraid to be alone on the other side of that, I'd have grown and who fucking get it. Like don't be afraid to be alone, because when you go B by yourself and you transform and you completely change yourself mentally and like you change the way you behave and live and identify, who you're gonna be a match to after that

is those same fucking people. You're not gonna be isolated for long. You're going to energetically be a match to new fucking people, but like once you level yourself up, that's now the level you radiate at. You're disconnecting from all these people because you're no longer a fucking match to them. You can't experience them in your reality if you're not a fucking match. Like, shit's just gonna start fading out. Shit's just gonna disappear. You're gonna stop thinking of them, stop hearing of them. That's how it's

gonna go. You might feel alone. Until you meet people who are also on this level, you will feel more connected than ever. You're gonna feel understood and supported and cared about like just trust me Just goddamn trust me because when I was going through all the shit with my business and Like a change in my whole life with that like the friends that I lost when I isolated myself and I transformed myself I'm I was a match to new friends who I connected with even fucking deeper. And then I kept growing and that group of friends, I'm still very close to, but we don't talk that often.

We're not that involved in your life because I moved to Texas. But I isolated, transformed, and now the people I'm friends with in Texas, I don't know how to explain it. Like it's even deeper connections than before It's like every time you isolate and you level up You're gonna be a match to new people on that same level and it's just gonna keep happening over and over and it's sad Every time you outgrow people, but you do get used to the natural progression of people coming in and out of your life

Like growth is normal. It is normal to progress and to grow. So, you're gonna grow with people, you're gonna grow out of people. It's just how it's gonna fucking go that's normal. And you're gonna feel to the emotions, you're gonna be fine, but do not ever hold yourself the fuck back for anyone. Trust no one.

They're not worth it. No one's worth holding yourself back for unless it's a child, unless you have a child, your life comes second and we've talked about that. Once you bring a child into this world, they're your number one. But we're not gonna go too much into that. I'm very opinionated about it.

But I'm gonna shut the fuck up and leave it there. All of my links will be in the description. If you wanna download my app, positive focus, it'll be there. The link to show my private Facebook community will be there. Workin' me one on one. Everything's linked down below. So go check it out. Follow me on Instagram. And if you're listening to the audio version of this podcast, leave me a five stars. Or 10. That's just what I held up. So five stars. I'm doing a hand on five if you're not watching the video. If you're watching the video, leave me a thumbs up. Thank you so much.

And let me know what you thought of this. Thank you so much for listening to me rant and hanging out with me. I hope you learned something from all the shit that I shared, because that took me a long time to learn and mentally accept. That's it, I guess. So I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.

Thank you.