Aware & Aggravated - 59. I Drank & Got A Bag...

Episode Date: February 1, 2026

An honest convo about unconditional love, opposition to being blessed, and how coke is the drug of mistrust. The clarity finally came.Merch: https://leoskepicollection.comSocial Media:https://www.instagram.com/leoskepihttps://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepihttps://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepiSubstack: https://substack.com/@leoskepi?utm_so... My App Positive Focus:(Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311(Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1Business Inquiries:[e-mail]

I'm giggling like I didn't do something bad. Oopsie. Okay, this episode is going to be real deep. So hold on to your britches. I feel the title is correct. I drank and I got a bag. And I don't regret it because of what's transpired. But we got to talk about it.

We got to get into a lot of things. Change of scenery. I got to point out first if you're watching this on YouTube. Hey, France. I'm in Vegas right now. I'm at the cosmopolitan. They've been taking real good care of me. They gave me this giant room.

And this ain't even like the half of it. I posted like a whole broom tour on TikTok if you want to see. But I flew here to get out of the ice storm that was coming to Dallas. Like there was three inches of ice and a bunch of snow, all this crap. And the night before I came here is when I cracked and I drank. I was at like 96 days without anything. And the past like three weeks, I've been having a lot of urges, like a lot of urges. like a lot of urges to drink and do cocaine bad and I was fine for so long and then all of a sudden

it like ramped up and I was getting these really bad urges for it and I was trying to work with the urges because like typically when you have an urge for something it's a sign that you need relief I absolutely needed relief there was a lot of things going on where I was just like feeling very fucked over by God I go through this cycle all the time everything's just been compounding recently and I was like wanting it. I was just like I just want to take the edge off for a night and just like chill. And the thing that like pushed me over to finally just say fuck it, I'm doing it is a lot of business things going on.

Not good news for me with certain things. My own personal shit. And then I found out my dad is having like some health issues and it stressed me out. And then I found out that my sister was in the hospital. She's fine. But when I heard that news, I was just like, fuck it. Like tonight ain't the night. I'm not going to sleep.

Fucked up in the head. So I didn't go to sleep. I went out with my friend. And I drank. And the first shot when I took it, the relief that I felt, oh my God. Like it was so nice. Like it was so nice.

I felt like I was finally done being bent over and just like fucked. my life. I was like, okay, now I got a little bit of lube. Like, I took the first shot and I was just like, second shot, same thing. Third shot, I'm like, okay, I'm having fun. I'm having a nice time. Like, I feel like things are bearable. I felt like it was justified for me to drink. I finally felt like, okay, I have some kind of like upper hand. Not upper hand, but I felt like I could like maintain and like handle what was going on because it's like I just get to set my brain free for the night. That's what it was. It was like the relief I wanted.

I was after it. I wanted it real fucking bad and I got it. And then it transpired into getting a bag. And I've been wanting it. So I was like, I've been working with the urges. I'm not getting much clarity. I'm just gonna fucking go for it. Like the relief I'm after, just get it then, dickhead.

Is how I was kind of like acting toward myself. So I picked up a bag and I felt good being discontored. connected from myself for the night. I didn't sleep all night. Me and my friends went shopping the next day. And then that night when I went to sleep, the come down was like not fun typically. That's how it fucking goes. But I felt okay. I didn't regret it at all. I didn't regret. I don't want to call it relapsing. But I don't regret it. I had like such a good time. I got the relief. And then I went to sleep and I woke up and I had the pack and get ready and get on my flight to Vegas. So I get here. And then the clarity starts cracking me. And it was that fucking time,

bad time. But after freaking out a little bit mentally, it wasn't really freaking out. I was just kind of like ping ponging back and forth to myself. It's like the anxiety, like the shame, the this, that that, that is just like, okay, I did it. I wanted it. I got it. I did it. And I felt bad that I didn't feel like I regretted it. That was weird. I don't give a damn. Like I didn't give a fuck. And I really just like acted on it. And then, When I stood with myself and was like, yeah, I wanted the relief. I wanted relief from my logical mind. And that is where the clarity started kicking.

So to want relief from my logical mind, let me know that my logical mind has been so out of alignment and so like I'd not been thinking right. My mind has not been a nice place to live for the past couple of weeks. I wasn't trusting my soul. I wasn't trusting God. I kind of like felt like I got robbed of that. It's like when I trusted the most is like when I needed it the most and it didn't happen. And that's been like a constant thing in my life of like when I've needed shit the most,

I've never gotten it. So I see what was going on. Wanting relief from my logical mind was wanting relief from not trusting myself, like my soul and God. And I felt like it was all up to me. And that's something that I deal with a lot is like feeling like I'm the only person that will make things okay for me. feeling like I'm the only one looking after me in a lot of aspects. I'm like, I face a lot of things alone. Everything I have to go through and face, I have to face it alone. Yeah, I have people around me. But you get what I'm saying. Like, y'all get what I mean when I say, it's just me at the end of

the day. Like when I'm the one having to integrate and go through all this shit that I'm going through and then deal with business things and everything is like, I have to do it. It's always just me. So yeah, I have like support when I need it. But I can't ever escape that alone feeling of like holding up my world. That's exactly how it feels. It's like I have to hold up my own world and I'm the only bastard up under there with my hands on it like, like trying to hold it up. And I feel like that when I'm not trusting my soul and I'm not trusting God. So I wasn't. And anybody would need relief from that feeling state eventually. You can't maintain that. And that's the thought process and the mindset that almost killed me a couple times. And it's the reason that I switched my life last year around this time,

which is crazy. It's like, I feel like I'm in this cycle and it's like, I went in it again. But the thing with doing cocaine again, that's my drug of mistrust. When I don't trust up periods and down periods, like energy levels with my soul. It's like trusting myself when I feel energized and they're ready to do shit. And then times where I'm like, okay, chill, take your hands off things. God has to handle some stuff. I stopped trusting that ebb and flow in my energy levels. And I stopped trusting that things were being held for me. I stopped trusting that I'm not the only motherfucker holding up my world. And I reach for cocaine when I want a boost. Like when I say it's the drug of mistrust, that's, that's it. It's the drug of loneliness of like, I'm the only one

that can do this. I have to keep running forward. If I'm going to be standing here holding this whole fucking world of mine up, I need something sometimes because if I break everything falls. So I'm like, I felt like real fucked over by God a little bit. I did. I did. So I reached for it. And when I did it, I felt like I could handle shit. I felt like I was like, okay.

But it's like a fake false sense of trust because there's like when you do coke, there's like an urgency feeling. And it's like there's an alertness and you feel like you're urgent. And it's like everything's kind of in a hurry. But when there's no progress or things are slow or things. things aren't working out when you feel any kind of sense of urgency if it's real or not. Any kind of like up feeling is like it's a fake productivity is what I'm starting to see about cocaine. And that is what I need when I feel like I'm not trusting myself during a period where I need

to fucking chill and relax. I've come down sick, as you could tell. That's just how to cookie crumble at this point. When I don't listen to my body, it sits me down. It makes me rest. So after this little bit of clarity sort of hitting about the cocaine, it felt worse and it got much more stronger. So I felt like we're a little bit relieved because I saw why I was feeling how I was feeling.

I saw why I wanted the relief. I wasn't caught up in. Oh, I did it. Like, oh, I did drugs again. I drank again. Boo fucking who. I never had like a dead set like time to do it. And I've had an experience with drugs.

I've talked to you all about it before where sometimes substances, I think, are the only reason I'm alive. Like to be able to take some of the edge off at certain points in my life. They're the only reason that I'm still here. If I didn't have something to turn to at some of my lowest moments, I wouldn't have been able to make it through. You know? So I don't demonize drugs and I don't look at addiction like everybody else. I don't like to speak that whole thing over yourself of like, oh, I'm an addict.

I don't like that shit. It's like speaking your power away. So I want a relief. I got it. And something I've been questioning recently is like, what is my purpose for being here? I've lost sight of a lot of things about myself. and I was starting to question like, what the fuck am I here for? Like at this point, I don't get the purpose of my life.

I don't understand why I'm here. Yeah, I've, I can like logically try and slap any kind of like external proof on it. But I've been questioned like, why the fuck am I here? You know? And that thought came in my head. I heard like a very reassuring. I feel like it was my higher self or like my soul talking to me, but it was very clearly talking to me.

But I thought, why am I here? and immediately something said God knows. And it made me feel relief a little bit because I don't have to figure everything to fuck out, you know? Then I had this weird, like feeling of like, of, like a, not a veil, like a veil being lifted over my head. And me seeing and like hearing, look how blessed you are. I kind of had to toy with the idea that I am very blessed.

I've never felt blessed. I don't look at myself as blessed or lucky. I have never felt blessed in my life. I feel like with me feeling like I'm the only one holding the world up, it's like, yeah, a lot of things happen by different circumstances and things kind of out of my control, but I've always been like an egotistical dickhead. I've been like, oh, it's all because of me and my effort. And it's like, if I go through things and I get my head smashed in the ground enough,

I'm like, okay, yeah, well, I deserve a little something. So whenever I saw like a blessing come up or something out of my control go well, I always just kind of felt not entitled to it, but like a little bit of like, yeah, that's the least I could fucking get for the shit that I've felt and gone through in my fucking life. Like I look around and see people like, I feel like no one feels what I feel and nobody goes through what I go through and nobody sees the world how I do. But I had a moment or my soul forced me to see how blessed I am because that's the. the reason I did cocaine is because I can't see it. And it served me for a long time to not see myself as blessed. But I started to kind of have like examples of how blessed I am pop into my head. Like with the way that certain things have lined up in my life and me being where I am

and having what I have and the person that I am, I can't explain it. There's a lot of things I can't explain. And there's a lot of things that actually are not by my own hand. So I had to face that. And then it came with so much fucking grief for me to see that God has blessed me a lot. And I am favored because I'm terrified to be favored or to be blessed. That is the number one thing that will scare the shit out of me. If you say things are done for you that you want, but they're not in your control,

that makes me go into fight or flight mode because if I'm blessed and I don't know why, I don't know how to guarantee it. I don't know how to make sure I keep it. I don't know how to appease God. I don't know how to make sure I don't lose his favor. I hate the feeling of feeling blessed, but this is what this whole experience was meant to show me, I think,

is to look around and see you're not alone. Because I started to realize like so much shit was actually, not in my hands at all and a lot of things were by God in the universe and my souls doing that I couldn't have ever done on my own like I had to recognize that I'm not special enough to have made my life turn out how it is no matter how much I feel like I have been in control I'm in control of myself but the way that things line up and the way that things happen I had to get humbled and see that I'm actually very blessed even though that comes with a lot of fucking

fear. It's something I'm supposed to face right now. Like I have to look at my barriers to being loved and my barriers to feeling blessed because feeling cursed leads me to cocaine. And after this whole kind of like visual and seeing all this, I see why I had to revisit cocaine right now because I've always been scared to say I'll never do it again. I don't leave coping mechanisms out. And cocaine was my one thing that I felt like when, when God wasn't making sense and things weren't going right and I was getting fucked up and I had to keep going. Cocaine was my one thing that I could lean on that would help me through it. Like when God was being unfair, it was my one way of feeling like I could falsely level the playing field.

I'm like, okay, you're not going to fuck me this bad. It would me not doing nothing in return. It's like I got to help myself somehow. That's what cocaine is for me. And the experience that I had a couple of days like after doing cocaine, it's like two, three days when I like chemically balanced out I was in the most raw state and I feel like when I was the most vulnerable like my logical mind was not to be trusted and I was in a very like fragile kind of state and it felt like that's when the insight was dropping in because my logical mind wasn't

fighting shit because I've not been looking at like what's really been going on and why I've been feeling how I've been feeling I've just kind of like been plugging along and that's how I cope with feeling alone. I'm not going to drop my own world. I'm going to hold it up. I don't know how I used to function doing cocaine. After doing it, I also went through a grief period again because I've just lost my one kind of like weapon in my tool belt that I felt like I had. That was my one thing that I felt like I could lean on whenever I needed help or like when God turned his back on me. I felt like I had something. I can't do that anymore. Like the way that I felt after that, I don't know how the fuck I did that shit for a year straight. Every day. Wow. Like how disconnected I was from myself for that

year and how like I felt when I just did it again, I see it for what it is so clearly. And I saw how I got to that point. I saw what that drug is for me. I see. I see. I see. how false and fake it is because it's a way of dealing with stress that is not mine. And now that I've seen, I am more held than I thought and someone is actually holding my world up with me. I can't unsee that. It's like now that I've felt it and seen it, it's like I got to see it to believe it. Okay? Like you can't just tell myself to think I'm in the bucket believe it. No. I would not be here if I didn't have to learn by experiencing it. I don't trust a lot. Like I have to experience it myself. I can't fathom how I did that for so long. And I can't

fathom doing it again. I promise to myself, I will never touch cocaine again in my life. And that was real fucking hard. And that is a big thing for me. And I fucking bawled my eyes out about it. Because I'm basically committing to letting go of this coping mechanism. It's like the one way I knew how to help myself, I'm consciously choosing to get rid of it forever. And there's a reason that I haven't committed to never again with any substance alcohol i'm gonna keep that bitch in case i need her again i don't feel the need to drink but if i want to celebrate and have fun okay i'll drink but cocaine is my disconnection drug and my isolation feel fucked over by god drug so i finally felt confident enough to promise myself i'm never going to touch it again and that's something i haven't done

because once I give myself my word on something, I will not break it. I don't care what happens. I will never break my word to myself. That's terrifying as fuck. But I'm happy I'm at this point and I'm happy that I've given myself my word about Coke. I don't see any use for it anymore and I don't want it. Like after what just happened and the clarity I see, it's like, that's my drug that blocks me from seeing how blessed I am. and what I need right now is to see that I am blessed and I am favored and I do have support

even though it comes with all the fucking fear of it of conditional love and like I like contracts and I grew up in a way where everything was kind of contractual and like obligation it's like I do for you do for me it's like silent contracts of like how to maintain love from somebody when I don't understand why someone loves me I don't like it and the same thing applies when I don't feel like I know why I'm blessed, I am fucking shit scared. I'm terrified because I don't know how to maintain that. I don't know how to keep that. And like with people who love me and care about me, it's like with my following on social media, I can't fathom, I'm going to be really honest. I can't fathom why you guys watch me. I can't fathom why you've not given up on me. I can't

fathom like why you're still here at all. And I'm just being very honest about that. I don't know why people still watch me. I don't know why people still love me. And it's been something that's been itching at me to look at, but I can't look at that because I don't know why. And love that I get that I don't understand makes me fucking terrified, truly. And I'm feeling it and I feel boxed in by it Because I'm seeing it across my life, like with certain people in my life, with all of you guys, with God. I'm like, I don't know why I'm loved. I don't know why I'm blessed. I'm just having to sit here in the fucking anxiety of it because I know what's going to come out of it is like clarity.

But that's how I feel right now. It's very boxed in by fear. That's how I really feel as of right now. Okay, something else that just made sense in my brain is my real. my relationship with like love conditional love for me i take it any fucking day i like conditional love but my whole experience with conditional love is like okay this is how to get this thing i like a contract of conditions like these are the conditions you follow and this is what you get whether it's love opportunities business shit money i like clear guidelines and clear agreements these are the

conditions of my love. These are the conditions of a following on social media. These are the conditions of fucking anything. My rising burgo, I love that. I love it. But now that I'm looking at my life, my biggest heartbreaks and my biggest issues with conditional love have been. I've only known conditional love and nobody upholds their end of the contract. I've logically been the perfect thing for so many opportunities and so many people, and I've done everything I'm supposed to do and more. And they don't hold up their end of the condition. So it's left me to question myself a lot and be like, what the fuck?

Like something must be wrong with me. I've always turned the dagger inward. I don't do that anymore. But I think I'm realizing, like, my whole problem with love is, like, the only love I've never felt or allowed myself to feel is unconditional love. That's one where it's like you can't do anything to maintain it, but unconditional love means it's not going to go away. And I feel like that's what God's trying to show me is like what unconditional love is and feels like. But for someone like me, it feels like drinking poison.

But if I also look at my relationship to love forever and my relationship to like conditions with anything, I've always held the conditions. And I've gotten fucked when I haven't gotten other people's other end of the contract fulfilled. It's like nobody was able to hold that side of the contract. So unconditional love is kind of my only route left. Because conditional love and conditional contractual shit with people, it's useless. And that's what's pushed me to this spot. So I guess unconditional love is the new message. It's like the new thing I need to wake up to and see. And I have to see that I'm blessed and see that I'm loved, even though it scares the absolute dog shit out of me. I think that's what I'm being shown to feel. Also with myself, too. Since we're

taking it there, let's just be honest about a lot of things that I feel. Okay, you want to? Yeah, let's do it. I've been having some issues with myself. I have. I've been very irritated with myself with the way that I am. I have this thing where I feel life deeper than most people. And I have to see that. Like I like to play it aloof and like not be egotistical about certain shit, but like I feel things deeper. You can tell by what I talk about and the way that I feel and see things. I don't feel like people feel things, how I feel them. And I don't ever see people go through the emotional down periods.

And it's like an integration period like I do. It's like you're up and running. You're moving. The insights flow and everything's in alignment. And then it's like this shift will happen where I'll understand something. and I'll have like a reality-shattering awareness hit me, where I have to stop and integrate it. Like I have to let it integrate into my nervous system

and my body and my mind and my emotions. And it's like a, not a depression episode. I know the difference between depressive episodes and integration periods, but I'm kind of seeing them different where I'd be running and moving and going, and then it's like, you have to stop. And it's like I'm buffering.

It's like my whole system is buffering while I accept this new truth. And it changes the way that I see everything. So I can't just keep running and like hit this new awareness and then just keep running. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's like so destabilizing with like a spiritual upgrade or like a new piece of like awareness that hits. You know what I'm talking about where it's so destabilizing. You have to like stop for a second and be like, whoa.

It's not like dehumanization. It's not like you disassociate. It's just like you see things at a deeper level. And in those moments, I have them a lot. And it's been happening like every week. And I started to think something was wrong with me. I started to get really irritated with myself. And I'm like, I can't have goals.

I can't have things that I'm working toward and rigid schedules because when these hit, it changes my life in a good way. And it's what I talk about on the podcast. It's like this is what fuels. my life and like it's a deepening of my understanding of things i can't have a life set up where i'm rigid i have routines i have set schedules i have set goals i'm working for and it's like just the same monotonous steps my life has shown me it can't be that but i feel like a fucking rabid animal that you have to shoot with a trink dart to get it to chill out when i feel boxed in by a schedule when i feel boxed in

by like rigid rules with my life my life is very magical but i have to not live with like a stability or set goals or set action steps. I have certain things that I always do. But for the way that my life is going to pan out and like business things and shit like that, I can't box it in like most people because people want you to plug in like you're a fucking machine and do all these steps that execute these things to get the success. As much as I've fought with it back and forth and I've finally just like accepted it, I started to get irritated with it again and just be like,

can I not just get on a fucking like stability or like any kind of stable path forward. It's like I've talked about in previous episodes. It's like living life without a cage. It's like being out in the wild. And there's a bunch of like killer animals around you like lions and tigers and shit. And you're out in the wild snakes. And if you're out there just like with your naked body, you don't see any trees to take cover behind.

You feel very exposed. You can get attacked to any second. You feel very like, ah, fuck. Like, that's what freedom is. There's fears, there's things that can fuck you up and kill you, or these lions could just walk by. But it's destabilizing, it's terrifying to live without a cage like that. And then you imagine putting a cage over yourself, you feel safe. Like, okay, nothing harmful can get me, but you're not free because you're locked in that cage.

Living life outside of that cage is, there's no stability at all. And it was like eaten at me. And it's fine when I feel like I trust God and I trust my soul and I can like, I feel strong enough to handle it. When I don't feel like I trust God is when I'm so desperate for a cage to feel some kind of safety or stability. I don't know. But these buffering periods that I have, I feel very alone in them and I feel very lost in

them because like it's like my whole identity erases. Every time I have like a new spiritual kind of like download or new piece of awareness, It's like my whole reality breaks and I lose my identity entirely. And then it's like I wait for myself to come back online with the new awareness. But the way that I was shown it when I asked for clarity around it is a visual of like a TV. A 720 resolution. You know like when you're watching the YouTube video you could change the resolution. Like 720P, that is not going to buffer at all.

That's just going to be like a steady go through. It's going to be a little bit fuzzy. But that video is just going to play. If you take a 4K TV or a 4K video and you set it on 4K, it is going to be crystal fucking clear. It's going to be the best quality, the deepest resolution, but it's going to buffer more than a 720P video or like a TV. So it's kind of like I'm looking at which screen I am and I'm a 4K screen going through this life. There are some people who are a 240, some people who are a 720, some people who are 1080, some people who are 1080. And it's clear, but it is not the depth of 4K.

That's the kind of spiritual analysis I kind of got shown with this. It's like, I'm a very deep person. I go through life and feel things on a level people don't. Like a 720 will never match in 4K. So for me to buffer more is expected. It's normal. And I kind of had to see that. And God and like my soul kind of showed it to me.

I was like, okay, I'm a 4K TV. But I do got a buffer. more. So it made me feel better about like these buffer periods. But I also kind of saw like when I'm in these buffer periods and I feel like destabilized, I have no energy. It's like not no energy, but it's like my body and my mind and everything is just telling me to rest and integrate and just like let things process before I get up and start running again. I kept feeling like something was going wrong. And when I don't trust God, I feel like something is going wrong because I feel like I have to be the one to fucking handle everything. So having a period where I need to integrate, I don't trust things

are being handled for me. But that's always how it lines up for me. When I'm in one of these integration periods, it's like God is saying, let me handle the external. So like while I'm in my house, I'm in my bed, like relax and doing my thing, whatever, going to the gym, taking it easy. God's reorganizing shit. And then as soon as I come like back online, my soul tells me to go again, It's like once the 4K screen starts playing again, it's like it's smooth sailing. But I feel out of trust is what I'm seeing. And now I have a whole new perspective and lens on it and a new commitment to myself of like I'm never touching cocaine again. Ever.

And I feel so relieved by it. But I really think I needed to do it again in this place and drink and like get my relief because my logical mind was. locking me up. And everything kind of just like snapped me back into clarity. And I've been in an integration period since the cocaine night where it's like all these things have been kind of integrating. And then I got sick. So I'm like, I really need to just like take it easy and let all these things hit. Because waking up and seeing that I'm blessed, that one's hard. That one's real hard because I have this whole new level of gratitude for life because I feel like I'm not the only one that's made things happen.

It kind of sounds crazy to like look at myself now from the outside and be like, oh, asshole, you thought that was all you? Like, you're overinflated sense to yourself. Jesus Christ. You get what I mean. You get what I'm saying. So one more thing that happened that really sent me over the edge was I have to change the pop-up date for the pop-up store that I'm doing.

I told you all I was going to do it on March 7th and 8th. The new dates are March 28th and 29th. I had to change it. for certainty with things being here in time. So I know a lot of y'all already booked flights and that like gags the shit out of me like, wait, y'all like really love me that bad to come. Oh, I'm so excited. But I wanted to let everybody know.

March 28th and 29th are the new dates for the pop-up store. I will be there. The sunglasses will drop. I have specific gold merch that is going to be there only at the pop-up. I paid for the venue and locked it down. So if you need to make travel arrangements on a combination speed, though, you're safe to do it. I fully put down the money this time and everything's set. So those dates are not changing.

So you're safe to book your travels if you're going to come. That was one more thing that just like sent me. And I was just like, motherfucker, row. Like, oh. But God started showing himself to me immediately after I started kind of like surrendering. And once I promised I wasn't going to do cocaine again, it's like I started seeing a lot. I was seen a lot before that. And then once I made that promise, it's like God showed himself to me in a lot of ways

immediately, immediately with certain things that he handled. Because I was laying in my bed and I was just like, you know what? You got a fucking deal with some of this shit. Ten minutes later, I checked my phone and two things were already dealt with without me having to do anything. So, yeah. But as of right now, I'm one week back without anything. No drugs, no alcohol, no nothing.

And I'm going to be forever without cocaine. That's done. Giving myself, my word on that was terrifying. Because like, once I say it, it's done. Like, there's no break my word to myself. But that's it. My dad's coming in town. He's coming to Vegas to hang out with me. I had to like invite him and show him this shit. Like they gave me this room. Let me show you this side too if you're watching this on YouTube. It goes that way too. There's a fire pit. You can kind of see it. There's a hot tub in the middle of the room.

Insane. But I wanted him to come experience this with me. So yeah, that's all. I'll be back in Dallas next week. But I'm going to talk to you regardless. So if I'm in a good mood, so be it. If I'm not, then so be. yet but i love you all thanks for being here everybody be safe take care of yourself and i'll talk to you guys next sunday hopefully not sick