Aware & Aggravated - 6. Reset Your Inability To Feel Better In 27 Minutes

Episode Date: September 8, 2024

This found you for a reason! This is why you can't feel better no matter how hard you try, why things keep getting worse/going wrong, and exactly how to fix it.    Social Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi https://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepi   Merch: https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/   My App Positive Focus: (Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311 (Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1   FaceBook Support Community:  https://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref=sharehttps://m.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/?ref%3Dshare&exp=7ffb&mibextid=I6gGtw   Business Inquiries: [e-mail] 

Alright, for this episode, we're just getting straight into it. This is how I finally was able to feel better after everything I tried to do to feel better didn't work. One, nothing I could do made me feel better at all. And two, how I stopped attracting experiences that literally ruined anything I tried to do to feel better. If right now you are trapped in a cycle of, God forbid I try and do anything to make myself feel better because it just makes everything worse. I want you to know it's not your fault. It

is not your fault that you cannot feel better at all. Because if you knew how to feel better you would do it. So the first thing I want to point out is it's not your fault and I'm not gonna sit here and tell you oh have hope. That's the most unfair thing to say to someone who is trapped in a cycle like this and feels the way that you do if you're watching this. And don't even get me started on the whole, be grateful, have the attitude of gratitude. Wrong time. This is not the time for that if you're dealing with what I'm describing.

Let me explain what's really going on and how to set yourself free from this. So if you're uncomfortable or you're in pain of any kind and you try to do anything to fix it and you keep running into situations where it makes it worse. Like God forbid I try to do anything to make myself feel better. And any effort you try to put into feeling better leads to a worse outcome. It puts you in this hole of I've tried to comfort myself in any way that I know. And every single time I take an action or take a step, it makes it worse.

You kind of learn to just sit down and stop because you're faced with that like pain of, okay, I'm in pain. If I try and do anything to feel better, it's going to make me feel worse. So I'm just going to stop while I'm ahead, take the pain I've got and stop moving. And that's when you hit that point of like, I just want to lay in the bed. So nothing can go wrong. Like if I don't get up, it doesn't get worse. I can just lay here with what I've got.

Cause if I try and get out of this bed or if I try and do anything, it's just going to compile and compound more pain and make it even worse. And when you get to this point, you feel like it's only safe to stop. Like the only safe option is to just stop. And like I said before, and I'm going to remind you again, it is not your fault at all. And I know how hopeless you feel. I know how frustrated and irritated and pissed off you feel because you feel so betrayed by the universe, by God, by whatever it is. If you're at the point where you turn your back on anything that you've

potentially thought you believed in, yeah, I've been there. This is how to actually stop attracting this and get yourself out of this cycle. First thing I have to point out is you are not being opposed by any kind of higher power. You are not being punished. There is not someone with their hand on you or their foot on your neck, continuing this cycle. What is going on and the reason you're in so much pain and you keep having

experiences that make it worse is because what you are doing with your attention is not what you need to do. You have to put your attention on you and on the pain. And I know when I say that it's like, fuck no, absolutely not. Because if I pay attention more to it, it's just going to feel worse. You feel like your only safety is avoiding the pain, not feeling it and keeping your attention off of it. This is the only way that I've found how to give my attention to myself and give my attention to my pain without it making it worse because I know the fear you're feeling of like,

what are you telling me? Go sit with it. Right? I know. I know. And I also know that feeling of like you don't know how to sit with your pain. You don't know how to give your attention to yourself. You only know and want to get away from it. Like you just need comfort. It's like everybody says, sit with your pain and you experience trying to sit with it and it gets 10 times worse and pushes you to a point where you have to comfort yourself. And then you do something to get

yourself out of it because you get pushed to that point of it's so uncontrollable. You try to get out of it and then it gets worse. I know what you're feeling fully and I'm only able to sit here and be so happy and be able to talk about this with enthusiasm and hope for you, even though you don't have it yet, because I was here for the last year of my life and I almost ended it many, many times. So when I say I found the way to fucking do it, here you go. The first thing I want to hit on is emotions because I know it feels like emotions attack the hell out of you.

And that's all you've experienced so far is your emotions just making everything worse. Like if I could find a way to turn off the emotions, I'll be fine. But I wanna take you because you cannot escape emotions. You can't get rid of them. Every single person feels them. And if you're at this point, I know you've tried it. You've tried substances, they don't work no more.

So first step is not to try to feel your emotions and try to do anything with that. What you have to look at and see is which emotions make you feel unsafe to feel? Which emotions make you feel like you are vulnerable to attack? Literally what emotions make you feel like a sitting duck, like something awful is about to happen while you feel them? Because what's really going on with everything that you're feeling and everything going on is certain emotions are marked as unsafe by your subconscious. And when you start to feel a certain emotion,

your emotional system and your brain will jolt you to the next one that is safe. Because if you have a bad relationship to feeling better, any time you feel better or try to move in that direction, if it's unsafe to do that and it feels vulnerable to feel better, your emotional system will jolt you back to depressed or it will jolt you to anger or it will jolt you to another emotion that you feel is safe. And that is a big reason why you feel like any attempt you try to make or anything you try to do to feel better makes it worse. It's because you have a resistance and an opposition. Like you actually have a fear of feeling better.

Like it is unsafe to you emotionally and mentally to feel better at all. So that's truly why you're attracting bad things while you're trying to go up the scale to feel better. If it're trying to go up the scale to feel better. If it's unsafe to go there, an experience will be a match to you to protect you from that fear that is up there. You're not fucking crazy. I promise.

I promise you're not crazy. And I know you're already like, okay, you making sense. Keep going. Okay, here I go. So before we go into how is feeling better unsafe, I want to look at how is feeling so bad safe? Like how was this actually happening for you? And I'm going to give you some examples from my own personal experience of what this whole period was like and how I got out of it

because I know you watching this video, like don't ask me to think of a question. Don't ask me to put no effort toward anything. I get it. So I'm not going to like make you go home and do homework after you watch this. I'm going to tell you and explain what I came to realize. So I'm kind of doing some of the work for you and then it's going to crack something loose in your brain and then things will just start coming in for your specific situation. But here we go. So when I was in this state, I felt like I could barely keep my head above water. I literally was in so much pain. It hurt. It physically hurt to wake up in the morning.

When I would wake up and my eyes would open and I would realize I was awake, my first words were, fuck, I woke up. I know exactly what it feels like. And in this state, you are so fucking drained and tired and exhausted. Literally, I used to have to rip myself out of the bed. I would have to like drag myself up to go brush my teeth and come downstairs and make coffee. Like it was the worst thing ever to wake up and realize the pain didn't go

nowhere. And then you add on top of it, you got things you have to do. You're so fucking drained and you're so tired and all you feel is people taking from you. All you feel is life taking from you. It's a drag and it's a draining thing to take care of yourself. You're like, for what? I'm gonna go wash my face. I'm gonna go put clothes on and try and feel better. It's not going to work. I don't like how I look. I don't like the clothes that I have. Trying to go find new clothes and buy new clothes is going to make me feel even

fucking worse. Like the energy to go out and shop for everything. No, hell no. But I also want to emphasize the point when I said you feel like everything just takes from you. And when you feel like everyone around you constantly needs shit and constantly needs you or wants something or wants help, or you feel like that obligation of you have to be there for people, you just want to be left alone. Like you just want to be left alone. So it hurts less. It's like the whole,

just leave me alone to suffer and die peacefully. Let me have a little peace while I deteriorate. Feeling so bad and feeling so drained and exhausted is your protection from people taking even more. You are so desperately hoping people will see how drained and how tired you are and just let off. You are so hoping that by being in such a bad state, they can see it like when it externally starts to reflect and the life comes out of you and you look like hell because you feel so bad,

like the more pain that gets added on, you kind of are just hoping, if I take on a little more, I'll finally get left alone. People will finally let off. And another thing with the pain of how it's safer to have it is, like I said, when you feel trapped in this cycle of like, I cannot fucking feel better for shit. I'm signaling to the universe the pain that I'm in, like let off girl. If there's a God, if there's a universe, I know where you're at mentally. If there is anything, having that pain is kind of like waving your white flag.

And it's like the more pain that you feel, the more down you feel, the more drained you feel. It's like, okay, people aren't letting off. No one is seeing how bad I'm doing and how much I need mercy. Just let me be alone and just be in this pain. But when it doesn't work and people around you are not letting off, it turns into a subconscious thing with the universe of like, there's gotta be some higher power that will have mercy. Like, look at the pain. I'm feeling worse and worse and worse. Like, you're hoping it's like gonna signal to something if there is anything, just to let you know, there is, but you're hoping that that pain will signal some kind of supernatural or

metaphysical relief and hoping for something to have mercy on you. Like you're in that much pain. I guess I'll stop making it so bad. So that's how attracting more pain is actually safe because it's a desperate attempt to get everyone to lay off, but also to get the universe to listen to you or God to listen to you, whatever you believe in. For me personally, anger was the only emotion that was safe. And I liked when I felt angry because I couldn't feel down and depressed and

exhausted while I was angry. It was the only like boost that I had. And I could also use my anger to force things to get done. And if something was like picking at me to get finished, I would get so irritated, get a jolt of energy, go handle it with force to get it the fuck away from me so I could go back to just lay down and just be by myself. So you have certain emotions that are safe to feel anger was mine. I was back and forth constantly between so irate and so

cripplingly hopelessly depressed. And when I talked about substances before, they have no euphoric effect. And if you are using substances, it's understandable and I get it. I'm not condoning it. And I don't say that it's a good thing, but I understand where it's at the point where you're like, I need something to help me function and I don't give a fuck what anybody says. If y'all won't lay off, if y'all won't help me, then I'm going to have to do what I have to do to help myself.

I fully get the mindset of it. And I also want to point out the hopelessness you feel about the substances. It doesn't matter how many you do. It doesn't matter how much you take, how much you drink, how much you snort, it doesn't work. And you get to a point where it doesn't make you feel happy anymore. It doesn't help you go up. It doesn't do any kind of rise. It just helps you be able to get out of the bed and function. But with that, I don't want you to go doomsday and get scared and start to think that you're hopeless and nothing's ever going to work.

It's expected for this scenario that I'm explaining the cycle that you're in. The substances are no longer going to help you feel better. They're just going to be enough to keep you functioning and staying alive. So now that I've pointed out some of the ways that feeling in so much pain, feeling so drained kind of helps you and keeps you safe, like it's safer to have these things when you don't know how to express that you're hurt or get help in any kind of way.

No one is ever gonna see or notice how hurt you are until you do. Like I said, I know you're scared shitless to give your attention to your pain, but now you can see and feel a little bit better about the pain. It's not just there to destroy you. I know you'll want to turn your back on it and be like, this is the thing destroying me. I just explained a couple of ways that it is actually keeping you safe.

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When I say no one is gonna see how hurt you are until you do, I mean God also, the universe, anything. Nothing is gonna see how hurt you are until you do. And that's the thing with attention. Where you put your attention is the set point and the focal point of where other attention will be brought. So if you want the attention of the universe on you, you have to put your attention on you. If you're a little bit resistant to hearing about the universe or God or

anything like that, you can look at consciousness. Your consciousness is connected to a bigger one. If you want the attention of the bigger consciousness onto you, there's a connection. You have to draw that connection back to you with your attention and your focus. You have to put your consciousness, your conscious attention on you and what you're feeling and what you're experiencing and the bigger consciousness will see it. It will be that like attachment and like that rope that kind of like connects you back to it. And that is when you will start to feel like, Hey, something has mercy. There is something maybe looking out for me. What the fuck? It sounds crazy,

but I know you're at a point where you're like, I'll try anything. Try it. The thing holding you back is you babe. I know it doesn't feel good, but it kind of does because you've been looking at everything. Like all this shit just keeps happening. Like everything I do that is in my control. I do it right. I do all of these things intentionally trying to feel better, but everything out of my control goes against me. So that's where I was talking about your subconscious is attracting those things to keep you safe. But with pointing out the thing holding you back is you,

I want you to just feel the relief of that for a second of I do have a sense of control. I do have some kind of control over this thing that I'm experiencing and you fucking do. You 100% do. Everything in you is trying to keep you safe, especially your subconscious. So also with attention, your attention needs to be put on what is going on with you so you can have your attention be on the subconscious and see how everything's working for you for so long. It's felt like everything has been against you,

but this is the flip that needs to happen for the thing that I'm going to tell you next. I have to kind of preface it. So you want to stop feeling and I fully understand it for someone to even utter the words to you. Your way out is through feeling your way out. You're like, absolutely not. It's going to cripple me. If I feel any more, I'm done for. And I totally understand why you don't want to feel anymore. You are so shit scared of letting the feelings in and letting your

attention be on the pain because you're like, it's going to fucking consume me and actually will take me out. Like the only thing keeping me alive is distracting me. But from someone who was just trapped in this for over a year, I only can describe the feeling states because I've been there. I'm not one of these people online who's bullshitting you and is pretending like I know this and know that, you know, I know what I'm talking about because I just described exactly how you feel. I've been there and I'm on the other side and I'm trying to reach back in and grab you, babe. I've got you. This is the only way out. I know it's awful.

I know it's scary, but you just have to grab my hand and trust it for a second. You feel like the way out is to stop feeling. Your only way out is to fucking feel your way out. And let me explain more because I know you're like, what? No, hang on. So before you hit that ultimate point of hopelessness, when you're ready to opt out, I want you to see you've tried everything. I know you've tried everything to feel better. And this is the only thing you haven't tried yet. So sorry to fuck you up with that, but you can't throw your hands up anymore and be like, yeah, I tried it all.

You didn't. This is the new thing you got to try. From this moment forward, you have to go through life with the perspective of allowing what is happening and what you are feeling to be seen as a messenger and a guide, not your enemy and not what is causing you so much pain. This is the angle that will set you free. I know you already feel the door cracking open a little bit. You see a little light coming through. It's there. I promise. It's not fake.

And I also know that feeling of having certain realizations or certain pieces of awareness that you come to and you're like, okay, I feel a little bit better for now. And then it drops you back down. It's like every attempt you make to go up. You're like, Oh my God, I had a new realization. It lifted me up a little bit. And then you feel abandoned and like betrayed because you get dropped and it hurts even worse. So you're at that point of like, I'm tired of trying to go up because getting dropped hurts worse.

So I'm done trying to go up. I'm just going to stay down. I get it. And the next few episodes of this podcast, I'm going to go into each emotion individually and explain how they can be seen as unsafe and explain how your subconscious can protect you from it. From my experience of what I just went through, I had to go back through and revisit every single emotion. But the biggest, biggest fucking thing I'm going to say again is you have to start seeing what you are feeling as a message. And you have to start seeing these emotions and your brain is keeping you safe from other emotions you feel are unsafe.

So you have an aversion to feeling better and it fully makes sense because like I said before, how it was safe to have more pain happen. It's very unsafe to feel better because you feel how you feel. You feel so drained and tired and just like, I don't want to feel better because if I feel better, people are going to start asking for shit again. People are going to start demanding things for me. Life is going to put me back in this hole.

So you don't want to feel better because you perceive all these things are going to fly at you and start taking it from you again. And you're scared of it. And it's fully valid. But what I truly want you to see is if you actually felt better, not what you're perceiving, feeling better, this pain you feel inside, if it actually goes away and you do feel better, you're not going to be scared of going for things that you want and people needing things from you because you will have the energy to do them.

There will come a point and I'm experiencing it now. And like I said, I'm reaching back in to try and pull you the fuck out. Feeling better actually comes with so much energy. Everything that you see as taking from you and an inconvenience, you don't have the pain anymore. You don't feel drained. You're energized. You're ready to do it. And you're not going to feel like you're being opposed. And like everything that happens is an inconvenience and a bad thing.

It's going to feel good to have people need you and ask for things. And I know that's a stretch right now, so I'm not going to go too much into that. But what you're thinking feeling better is like, you still feel like some of the feelings you have is going to be lingering and it's still going to be draining and it's unsafe to feel better. Cause an influx of shit of people trying to take from you is going to come. It's not, you're not going to feel like they're taking from you because you have an

endless supply of energy to do what you want with to actually feel better means all of this pain is gone and it's not going to come back. And you have a whole new perspective on how to address it and deal with it. So that's the biggest thing is the hope you have to feel better and the fear you have of feeling better. Like I said, you have that opposition and that I don't want to feel better because it's unsafe to actually feel better is the only safe route because you're not going to feel drained like I said. So for now, I want you to live by a few new like observation pieces in your head. Like I'm going to tell you exactly how to deal with yourself mentally, all the things that you think and the things that you feel.

This is exactly how to address them and see truly that what's happening is a message. Like how to start perceiving it as that and stop feeling attacked by what you feel and stop feeling worse about it. Everybody says this, but observe each feeling. Literally just pay attention to what it is. Your pain is not going to be overwhelming. These emotions are not overwhelming. I know you're scared to feel them because you're like, it's going to take over. No, running from them leads you to more and more experiences to inflate that

emotion more. If you pay attention to it, when it's things just a little, it won't have to crush you to get you to sit down and listen to it. So when you feel a random emotion come up, anxiety, fear, sadness, disgust, disappointment, confusion, envy, if that pops up, pay attention to it and observe that you're feeling it. And then ask yourself in the moment that you feel it, this emotion that just came up out of the few that I listed,

if you need more, Google a list of the emotions. This emotion that I just got a ping of, it just visited. What did it just keep me safe from? So if you're having a good day and then all of a sudden disappointment hits, wait, what did that just protect me from? What did that just keep me safe from? So if you're having a good day and then all of a sudden disappointment hits, wait, what did that just protect me from? What did that just keep me safe from? If you're out in public and you see something and it makes you jealous or envious, what did that envy just protect me from?

I was actually enjoying my day and I was having a good day. The jealousy just snatched me out of that. You will now become aware of your opposition you have to feeling happy. So you're going to have to live this way with every single thing that you observe and you feel or thoughts that you think. What did that just protect me from? What did that just prevent me from feeling? That's the biggest thing. Whether it's happiness, sadness, disappointment, whatever it is. What did that emotion that just came up protect me from? That is the question to live by. And that's how you actually observe what's going on.

You have to feel the thing. Like, okay, what the fuck was that? You feel the sadness hit. You feel the anger hit. Then you're like, wait, stop. What did that just keep me safe from? It immediately removes you from the emotion and you stop feeling it. When you observe it, it's taken a step back.

Just do this a couple of times and you will see how actually safe it is to observe these feelings and stop being crippled by feeling them. Observe them for now. But I'm not saying to not feel them because in order to observe it, you have to feel it. Like you have to notice the sensation and then immediately jump. You immediately jump to what did that just keep me safe from? So you're not feeling it forever.

You're not getting trapped in the emotion, which is what you're scared of. You're noticing the ping of it, and then you're immediately getting out of it, and you're saying what did that just keep me safe from? That is the biggest thing. Right now you're already feeling a little bit better, and I know, and I'm so happy,

I'm so happy that you feel a little bit better. But I wanna point out and make you aware and kind of warn you that the awareness you now have after listening to this episode just switched your entire vibration. You have already elevated without even knowing. And right now, you don't have to do anything by just understanding what I'm saying. If nothing made sense, rewatch it until it makes sense. You just understanding what I've saying. If nothing made sense, rewatch it until it makes sense. You just understanding what I've just said, boost your vibration immediately

and you are no longer going to be attracting negative experiences into your life. In any attempt you make to feel better is no longer going to be countered or make things worse because why? You're now aware of it. I just pulled shit out of your subconscious and made it conscious. You're no longer out of control of it. Just pay attention and start to watch how things that were going so wrong, stop going wrong from here forward.

You're aware of it now. You've just shifted. Congrats, babe. But the best part of all of this with feeling better is you do not even have to try right now. All you have to do is pay attention. That's all I've got for this episode. Like I said, for the next few episodes of my podcast, I'm going to go into each emotion individually. Leave a comment down below of each emotion you want me to hit.

If you're listening to the audio version of this on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, leave us a five star rating. It'll help push it to other people. Recommend it to your friends. Send this to anybody who you think it will help. Watch it as many times as you need it. And if you are on YouTube, subscribe because I'll be back next week. Every Sunday I'm putting out episodes, but I know you're excited a little bit and you want to go like do shit, but everything you need from me will be in the description. all my social media, everything you need to keep up with me. But I just want to say, I'm so fucking proud of you. I'm so happy that you're still here because bitch you're about to see how good

it gets. Just wait, I've got you. We've got this. Oh my God. I'm so giddy because I know how it feels to finally feel better and you're on your fucking way. You can trust the relief you feel right now. I promise. And if you don't trust me, you're like, yeah, he might be full of shit. You want more proof? Go watch my episodes from a few months ago, how fucking drained and dead I looked and then come back and observe it and compare it to this one. The life is back in me, babe. You feel it and you can see it and the same thing is going to happen to you.

This does not go away. This is your way out. So with that being said, everybody be safe, take care of yourself, and I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.