Aware & Aggravated - 62. Leave People Alone With Themselves

Episode Date: March 15, 2026

The title is exactly it. Leave people alone with themselves and stop taking responsibility for what's THEIRS. No more questioning yourself and feeling like you aren't enough. Self love can't exist until you do this is the lesson life just taught me. Let me spare you the painful lesson of going through it any longer than you have to lol. Pop-up Store Details: 🛍️ March 28-29th (Open 11am-7pm) 📍 1125 Providence Street Houston, TX 77002 Merch: 🕶️ https://leoskepicollection.comSocial Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepihttps://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepihttps://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepiSubstack: https://substack.com/@leoskepi?utm_so... My App Positive Focus:(Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311(Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1Business Inquiries:[e-mail]

When it comes to tires, peace of mind has no price tag. But what does that mean? To a Cal Tire customer, it means free rotations, flat repairs, air-ups, and rebalancing for the life of the tires you purchase from them. It's the customer care plan, keeping loyal Canadian customers safe on the road and coming back to Cal Tire. That and flexible financing and a price-matching guarantee. Pretty spiffy. Shop online, read reviews, and book appointments easily at caltire.com.

Proudly Canadian since 1953. Booster Juice is going crazy for hazelnuts. No, not crazy. Nuts. Booster juice is going bananas for hazelnuts. I mean, there are bananas and smoothies, but that's not the point. Banana juice is booster for hazelnuts. What?

Just stop. Booster juice is going nuts for hazelnut. Introducing the Nutty Monkey smoothie, holy hazelnut asai bowl, and Nutty Booster Ball. All made with rich, creamy hazelnut spread. Try them today. Only at booster juice. Canadian-born blending since 1999.

Hi, friends. We got so much to talk about. I'm ready to fight. I'm ready to argue. I'm ready to let this out. Okay? We've got to talk about so many different aspects of leaving people alone with themselves and how it's the best feeling.

It's the best thing you could do for yourself and them. So this starts in like a weird revelation of sorts. So I just turned 28th, a birthday just passed, right? and I had a whole come apart because I'm 28 yourself. Ew. I still feel like I'm 21. Like when I go to the club or like I go out and they ask for my ID, I still get a little nervous.

Like, I used to have fake ID. So I'm like, I get a little nervous when I give him my real ID now. I'm like, I'm still that young in my own head. But I felt like 22 for a while now. And I woke up on my birthday and I feel like I'm, oh, like I'm 28 years old.

It's like you go to sleep 22 and you wake up 28. I feel like something's off. I feel scammed. I feel very weird about it. And I had this whole come apart mentally because I'm like, yo, I'm 28. I'm a 28 year old man on TikTok. Disgusted with myself. I'm so absolutely fucking embarrassed of myself.

When I woke up on my birthday, that's what I was thinking. Like I'm like, oh my God. I'm 28 years old on TikTok and Instagram, on social media. I wanted to throw up. Not because I was hungover. I was. But I wanted to throw up because of this. Oh, I think everybody can understand why that's an ick.

I got an ick with myself. Being grown all of a sudden is the problem. Because I feel like a grown man. And then I look at what I'm doing? I'm like, yo, you're grown. And what are you doing with your life? Go do something respectable. Like go to drugs or something.

Like, what are we doing on Instagram TikTok? I was disgusted with myself. But I've been sitting with it for the past few days. because I really was contemplating quitting. I'm like, the podcast is respectable. I like it. I like my podcast. I enjoy it.

I feel like that's something I can do at my grown age now. But TikTok and Instagram, I was just like, no. Like, I need to quit. I need to hang that up and stop posting on these platforms. Like, that's embarrassing to me. And I was talking to my mom about it, talking to my friends about it. And everybody's like, Leo, you're fine. Like, you don't do social media how other people do.

Like you're 28, but like you're allowed to be on social media. And I was like, no, that's not what I wanted for my life. This is like when I had to come to terms of being gay. I'm like, this ain't what I wanted for my life. That's, this is how it feels. Like I was coming to terms like, this is not how I wanted my life to turn out. And I had to accept that I was gay. I'm fine with it now.

But that's how it felt with this. Like, okay, I'm 28. I do social media for a living. Ew. Like, I just have the ick about myself. Like that's, I, that, that is not aligned with what I see as like respectable about a man. And I woke up and I'm like, yeah, I'm a grown man now. There's no getting around it.

I'm 28. So I've been sitting with this because I was actually contemplating quitting. I'm like, you know, we got to hang it up. It's over. It's done. It's a wrap. I didn't plan for this to happen so soon. I went to sleep 22 and I woke up 28.

So we just got a abort ship. I actually really started to get down about it. I started to feel like a failure. And as soon as I spoke the words out loud, I feel like a failure. Something in my head was talking to me, not like schizophrenic. Why am I going to hit you? Not like schizophrenic. My higher self was talking.

And I heard it over and over again. This isn't yours about the concept of feeling like a failure. And I felt like an embarrassment. And when I said that, the voice said, that's not yours. It was weird. Like there was so many thoughts I was thinking and they weren't mine. They were not my thoughts. And I could feel it.

But like I had my soul literally talking in the back of my head. It's like chirping like a little bird. Not yours. Not yours. That's not yours. It was nice. It was saving me from it because I was about to spiral. Like I was about to lose my mind.

Like what I wake up and I'm unemployed all of a sudden because I'm too embarrassed. Oh, please. But this embarrassment and the failure that I felt wasn't mine. And so I started sitting with that. And I was like, what did they do? Who did it? Why is it in my head if it ain't mine? The thing that was bothering me was the association with what other 28-year-old men are doing on social media.

I do not want that association. I was feeling second-hand embarrassment by my peers, you could say. I don't want to be nothing like them. Everybody that's like a 28-year-old guy on TikTok and Instagram is like they're desperate for clout, they're desperate for money, they're promoting gambling, they're promoting people, head tides and all this crap. They're rage baiting. They're talking about women.

I can't stand no motherfucker who's going to fix his mouth to speak negatively about women online. As someone who's been attacked by women nonstop, I do not go up against women. I will not fight with a woman. You're never going to see me doing it. Gay or not, I can't stand that shit when men step out of place. Like, that's just something about my personality. I don't like it. I don't condone it and I don't think I ever will.

Unless you're calling out like some corruption or like the pedified. that are running everything. That I get it. But like the way these men are just like rage baiting and like fighting. No man on social media is being respectable from what I can see. It's like they're either very performative, very pick me, or they're trying to like sell a course or sell this. It's like there's no just like genuine people on social media that are doing what they're doing. And like the men with the podcast, they're not sharing shit of substance.

Like they're stupid. I'm sure there are some people who are decent. older men on social media, but that's not the common thing. The stereotype of men on social media that are grown is like, what the fuck are you doing? Because they're not doing nothing respectable. They're on OF. They're selling their body. They're doing nothing but like trying to show their body off on TikTok live and get all these

older women to like them. I don't like that. I don't like nothing about the association with being 28 years old online. And that was my problem. I was feeling secondhand embarrassment from like how I'm going to be perceived because what? Like a lot of people aren't smart enough to discern between someone who is the stereotype and isn't. If you can't tell that I'm different from the stereotype, you're a fucking idiot too.

I'm just going to call it what it is. So am I going to sit here and be concerned about people judging me the wrong way? No, it's right in front of your face. I don't have to try to be different. It's just obvious. Like I do my own thing. I'm not like none of these fucking people. So this also made me realize I have a problem with the association thing because when I was doing the one-on-one coaching with people, it was like two and a half.

half three years ago at this point. I stopped doing it because I got so busy and I was going and doing all these events and all this crap in LA. And I stopped doing the one-on-one coaching and I loved it. And I wanted to get back into it once I was able to figure my life out and have some stability and like, okay, this is what life is now, get used to my new threshold of how busy I am. I wanted to go back to it. But the thing that made me not go back to it was how scammy all of the coaches are on social media. I don't care how legit I did it. I don't care how great I was and how many people I helped and lives that I saved one-on-one personally talking to people. It's just the overarching, like, consensus of online coach scammer, full of shit, idiot. That's like the stereotype.

Most stereotypes don't come from nothing. All right. So I ended up not going back into doing the one-on-one coaching with people because I didn't want that stereotype. I didn't want any of it. Like, you know what I'm talking about what the coach is. Like, I don't want to be associated with that shit. I don't want people watching my videos and then hearing about, oh, here's my coaching. Here's my, like an idiot. Like, I would just immediately write you off like an idiot. I wouldn't trust nothing that you had to say because you can't trust most of the things these people are saying.

But that's one thing that I blocked myself from already. And I was about to do it again with social media because I was like, yeah, I'm getting off. I'm leaving social media. I'm not doing this. But I had to stop for a second. And then I realized the embarrassment is from everybody else. It's not my embarrassment. I'm not the one over here doing all the shit that they're doing.

Like the way that I do social media is in my own way. And with respect for myself and with integrity. And like, yeah, I like that. Okay. I feel better about I don't have to quit. Like I'm, I was really like faced with that. I was stressed out. But like not letting people have what's theirs and not leaving people with themselves.

I don't know what it was that happened in my brain that made me so fixated on like that. Just because other people are being. embarrassing doesn't mean that it bleeds into you. It doesn't rub off on you. Like, you know that picture of like the fruit where it's like the rotten fruit and then it's sitting next to good fruit and then eventually all of them rot because they're next to the piece of shit. I'm not next to none of them. I'm not friends with none of them. These people don't know me. We just work in the same platform. It's like we all just post videos in the same spot. So I was really just going to rob myself of everything. I was going to like, nope, can't do it and leave because I make money online.

Like I, this is my, what I do for a living. I was fully just going to throw it. it because I'm like that. I'm very like that. I will save faith. But my ego didn't take control on that one. So this was how the whole, what we're about to get into unfolded with like leaving people with themselves and associations, character flaws, perceptions of them. It's like leave that with them. Don't take it on as yourself and take it on as your own problem. Secondhand embarrassment. That ain't sure it's to hold. Okay. Let's move on to the next example of leaving people alone with themselves. And this is actually about someone in my life. a few months ago, I was asking repeatedly for them to change certain ways that they treat me

and change certain behaviors. I got so down about it. You know how you did a whole thing of like when someone is just like not treating you right and you explain it as direct and straightforward as you can. This is what I want changed and this is why. This is what you're doing that's hurting me and this is what you're doing that's impacting me in a negative way, stop. Or let's have a conversation about what we could do instead. I was way too lenient with this person because they were very close to me. And as soon as I realize I have an Achilles heel and I will hurt myself for somebody,

I will cut that Achilles heel myself. As soon as I ask you to change something and you don't, you're out. Because I got stuck in that. I was a little bit too lenient with somebody where I noticed I was hurting my for them and I was allowing things to go on. No. As soon as I became aware of it and I was like, this person is my Achilles heel. I will put myself second for them. Cut immediately. I'll sever my own fucking Achilles heel. If you're it, you're cut. So this person I was asking, ask and asking for them to change certain things and it was so simple and cut and dry and they wouldn't. So I set my

boundary down. Get the fuck out of my life. Get out. You lost the chance to be in my life. You and be around me. It's as simple as that. Because when you get into the understanding of like, well, how can I make it easier from them to make these changes? Why am I not good enough for them to make these changes? How can I do more to get them to change? That's a waste of your time. That's not your problem. They're a fucking idiot. Okay? That's all you need to know. They're a fucking idiot. If you can lay it out for them, what they need to do. If they chose not to do it, that's on them. Well, I need to be understand. You don't. You don't. I don't give a fuck who it. is in your life. This is how rigid I've had to get with myself and I've never regretted it.

Like with all the people that I've cut off in the past year and the people that I've cycled through and the friendships that I've made and certain ones have rekindled, which is crazy. God's timing. But of all the things that have happened, I don't regret none of it. Anytime I've cut somebody off, if you push me to that point, you got it, bitch. Congrats. Go, go to your checkout. Go past go. Collect $500, not $200. Let's play Monopoly, bitch. Go. If I tell you, you're hurting me with something that you're doing or my life is deteriorating because I care too much about you.

I will put myself second and you still don't make the change. You're okay with hurting me. So now I got a personal problem with you. Now protecting me is going to come out and cut you to fuck off. Leaving people alone with themselves entails

not second-guessing yourself and wondering, why was I not enough for them to change? Why am I so unlovable? That's not leaving them alone with themselves. That's the opposite of that. Leaving them alone with themselves is saying, okay, I made it simple. I made it easy. They understood what we were talking about. Every time that I asked for these certain changes to be made, they understood what was happening. They understood what I was saying.

They chose not to change it. So they're fucking stupid. It's all you need to know. That's how you leave them with themselves. I don't get it. It's like if I tell you, hey, this stove is hot. Don't touch it. It's going to bring you. Don't touch the stuff. And you walk over and touch it. Why am I going to feel bad for you? What? I fucking told you.

And then let's say we take it a step further. I told you, don't touch a stove. You touched it. You got burnt, okay? A couple weeks go by. You come back to touch the stove again. I'm like, hey, don't touch that. It's hot.

It's going to burn you. You touch it again and get burned again. You're just a fucking idiot. That's how people are. You eventually just got to leave that person alone with themselves at that oven. You got to walk away from the oven. leave. Why are you going to still be around that? Because then you're going to stress yourself out. How do I get them to stop touching it? Why are they not listening to me? Is it how I'm saying it? Is it my

delivery? Is it me? If a dumb ass wants to touch a hot stove, let them. That's it. If someone doesn't want to love you or make the changes necessary to keep you in their life, let them go touch the stuff. That's touching the stuff. Okay. So you're the stove. Burn them. That's how I look at it. if I tell you, hey, don't touch me this way. I'm the stove now. I'm saying don't touch me this way. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. Do not touch this one spot.

If you're going to touch it and I don't burn you, you learn nothing. So you touched it. I'm going to burn a shit out of you. And now you're not going to touch me again. I told you you could touch anywhere on the stove, but I need you to not touch this one spot. Okay? And then you touched it. Okay.

So now the consequence is burn your ass. I'm going to leave you with yourself. I'm not going to walk away. Second guessing my mind down. Where are you bound it? Take my own advice. I've done the whole going into yourself and trying to change yourself and understand. All you need to understand is they're stupid.

Okay. That's all. Leave them with themselves. Okay. The next example has to do with what I've been up to. So I've been working on something. I've been working on, you know how I have my merch, right? I've been working on a clothing line, like an actual clothing line for the past year.

I have dumped so much money into it. and I've officially had to kill that dream for now because people and them being failures has made me start to feel like a failure because what I want I can articulate it and say it so clearly concisely I can give you pictures I can explain exactly what I want to people I have a weird ability I have a lot of weird abilities not weird but like so high end, it don't make sense to normal people abilities. My attention to detail is next level. I'm not met a lot of people with my attention to detail. I'm not met a lot of people with my self-control or strength or emotional intelligence. But this, we're going to focus on my attention

to detail and my refusal to bend. When I see something in my mind, it will happen. Like, I'm going to make it happen. If I set my mind to something, I'm doing it. Consider it done. My problem with the clothing line and everything I've been working on. The people, the manufacturers, I have flipped through so many different manufacturers and nobody can get it right. And it started to eat at me and my self-esteem of like, I don't know how to get these people to care. It just seemed like everybody was so careless. Like nobody can do anything right. I say this. I write it out. I make you read it back to me. And then what you send to me for a sample is completely asked backwards wrong. You're missing three fucking details I told you. And it's not even right. This has happened so many times

that it's made me lose my mind a little with it. Like I had to kill the dream. Like it's not happening now. I'm going to have to deal with this in a few years when I've got more money to just throw in the trash can basically because people cannot get shit right. And this whole time I was thinking it's because they don't care about me as a person. They don't care to get it right. Then I was thinking they just don't have integrity. They're lazy. They don't have integrity with their work.

They don't give a shit. And then I was like, is it God? Like, are you fucking with me through these people? Like, what is it? Am I being punished somehow? And then I'm like, am I being too difficult? And then I'm like, no, because I see similar things out. People are making them.

So why the fuck can't it be made for me? I took it so personal. and I made everyone else's failure be about me. The reality of the situation is the people I've been trying to work with are not good enough for what I want to create. They're good enough for normal little things people want to make. They're cut out for it. They can knock it out.

The stuff that I want to make is not in their level. They're not even able to access it. Like the shit that I want to make, most of the big brands with these design houses and warehouses and warehouses and manufacturers, Like in my eyes, I'm like, you ain't even doing it right. How do you have all the access to all these resources and all these things? And you still just putting out this? Like, what is going on?

But I was running myself stupid, trying to figure out, how can I make these people care and be personally invested into making this stuff correctly for me? How can I get anything I want to happen? And it started to make me question my ability to bring about and create and manifest and actually physically create things that I want. It strung me out stupid. and it's caused me so much headache, and I've lost, not lost,

but I've invested so much money into it for nothing to come out of it because these people are not good enough. That's the problem. Leaving them with themselves is to look at them and say, you're not good enough for what I'm trying to do. Not in a rude way, because I had a lot of conversations of this is what I want. If you can't do it, tell me.

If this is too high up, if this is too out of what you're able to do, your capabilities, then just tell me. They reassure me. No, no, no, we can do it. We can do it. We can do it. We're going to nail it. Have it nailed fucking shit. There's certain things I'm 13 samples in. They still ain't got it close to fucking right. That's the problem. They're not good enough for my vision. That's it. Cut and dry. It's got nothing to do with me. I'm not too difficult. I'm the easiest motherfucker to work with. I give you the most clear instructions.

You can't mess up anything that I say. If you actually follow the instructions I give you, there is no room for error. I give directions like I like to get. them because I don't want to mess nothing up. Somebody asked me do something. I want you to be very, like, clear. What's what you say? It's not about me finding a way to make them care about me so that they do it right. They're not capable of doing it right. That's the core thing here. And I had to see that. It's like this whole perspective at the beginning of this podcast when I'm talking about the association thing, it's like leaving people with themselves. It's like it unlocked all these different aspects of my life. And I'm like, whoa, like I haven't been the problem. It feels so good

feel like you are the problem because you get a sense of control. Okay, if I'm the problem, I can do something about it. I've not been the problem because I've fixed everything that I could fix. Everybody else is the fucking problem. At this point, from the things that I'm talking about, yeah, I know when I'm at fault. I know when it's my issue. This is not my issue. My only issue with the clothing brand that I'm trying to make is I picked the wrong fucking people, like four or five times. So that's something that I'm going to have to put on the back burner until maybe a few years from now, I'm not dealing with it. I'm not dealing with a headache. And I'm not trying to force nothing until I get the connect for people who are good enough to create what I want to fall

in my lap. Until I'm ready to go seek it out or it falls on my lap, I'm not doing it. I have other things I want to do. You know, other thing is quality. Like the quality of things, I'm, you guys notice it too. The quality of everything is just shit now. Everybody's just trying to like get everything out as fast as as they can. No one cares about the quality. And I'm a stickler about that because when you guys buy for me, I care about you. When I say I love you, my ass is behind it. I don't want to play with you guys as money. I want to be respectful of you guys as money. I want you to feel cared about when you shop and buy something that I make. So when I'm doing my quality control, when I did my sunglasses, they sold out right away. You guys loved them. I was a little worried. I was like,

these are very specific to me. I don't know if you guys are going to fuck with them. But you do, you do. You like them really bad. They sold out. The inventory that I had saved for online sales sold out. I have a few thousand pairs left that are going to be at the pop-up. If you don't know, I'm doing a pop-ups. Do it. You can come shop with me if you want, do a meet and greet. Buy some things. I'm going to have some champagne there on me. Don't worry. I buy you a little champagne. But the pop-up store will be in two weeks. I'm very excited. March 28th and 29th. It's open from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. I'm make sure I'm there the whole fucking time. Okay. I want to meet everybody. I want to go shopping. But I'm going to have most of the sunglasses inventory there so you can still

buy them in person. And I have a whole bunch of other merch that's custom just for the pop-up, but I'll show you soon, okay? I'm still planning on how I want to show you. I'm like, should I keep a surprise? Should I show you? I don't know, but it's going to be fun. But yeah, the quality thing with the sunglasses got up on a lit tangent. I'll tell you about everything. I'm so excited. But with the sunglasses, with all the inventory that I ordered, of course, my luck. When I get to the warehouse, I have three pairs, sat. on the table for me to come check out. I opened the first box and one of the screws is stripped inside the glasses. So it's not that you just tighten it and it's better. It was stripped. So it's a

defective pair. The first pair I open are defective. Open a second pair. One of the emblems is like fucked up. Defective. Another pair. Open the third pair. They're perfect. When I tell you I lost my mind. Oh, it's not. normal to have some that are defective, a couple few. My brain lost it when two out of three that we randomly picked are defective. I made my team open every single fucking pair before they started shipping them out to you guys because the last thing I want is for you guys to have a bad experience shopping with me. I don't give a fuck how long it took. I don't give a fuck how much it's going to cost me to pay for that labor, I was pissed and I was terrified because I'm like, how many are ruined?

Like, genuinely, how much money that I just lose? Because two out of three, that's not good odds. And we got a few thousand over here. Do I need to go shoot somebody? Yes or no? Tell me quickly. But they did the final counts of everything. There was a couple hundred that were defective, but I caught them all before they started going out to you guys. That was just a little side tangent about the quality thing. But my whole point, I hope it's sticking. I hope like these are all making sense because they make sense in my brain. I just got to like word it, get it out. Because like the whole clothing brand thing, I'm not a failure because I'm having to put this on pause. I'm choosing to put it on pause because the hope has been beaten out of me that anybody will be able to make what I want.

The hope is destroyed in me. I've had the like doctors, like rubby little paddles, clear. I've had to resuscitate my hope so many times. over the past year. And it's not happening again. I'm not doing that to myself again. I'm putting it on pause. I'm going to focus on merch, making fun shit.

Clothing line stuff, like higher-in stuff is going to be later in life. That's going to be a later-in-life venture. I'm done, abusing myself to deal with people who at the end of the day are not capable and not equipped to make what I want. That's what it is. And I'm done with the whole mental turmoil

of like, oh, what is it about me? They ain't got shit to do with me. They ain't good enough, and that's it. Okay, so the next little topic we're going to go into. I was feeling the other day, like, before all this started cracking me, I felt like genuinely, I wrote it down. I feel like the hardest person alive to love. That's how everybody has made me feel.

Not to be a victim, but I was so irritated with everybody because I was caught in like this hard to love. I feel like very hard to love. And then I'm pissed off at everybody because I'm like, it's easy. Like I'm the easiest person to love. Then I had to clock myself and I'm like, well, why don't I just fucking do it?

Like, why am I over here trying to get other people to love me? Like, I'm not fully self-sufficient. I love to be alone. Like, why am I acting like I need people? You could trap me alone in the forest. Like, I trapped myself voluntarily. you could pull me out in middle of nowhere for a year and I wouldn't miss people. I would have a blast with myself.

So I was over here irritated, just like angry because I felt so unlovable. I'm like, y'all are so inadequate. You're such fuck-ups. It's so easy. So I put it to the test. I'm like, okay, every single thing about myself, what do I need? What do I want? What is going to make me feel good and happy and how can I prioritize that?

What is best for me, you know? And so I made a list. Everything I want everything I do. I've been knocking it out like it's nothing. Taking care of myself. Love you myself. Hanging out of myself. I'm very easy to love.

It just took me doing it. And it reassured me and myself of like, why am I questioning myself at all? For inadequate ass fucking people. The problem is not being easy to love. The problem was me thinking that I need other people to love me to like, I don't know what the hell the problem was. Me, I was the problem.

Because I act like I needed somebody for a second. What the fuck? No, I like people. I like to have people around. I don't need nobody. And I'm going to continue living my life like that. To, like, die. Until somebody can be truly reliable and dependable

and love me like I love them. Love me like I love myself. Get the fuck away from me. But yeah, that's another aspect of, like, leave them with themselves. If you feel like you are easy to love, but you feel like nobody can fathom, love it, like everybody just makes it seem so difficult to love you.

Leave them with their own shit. They're inadequate. For whatever reason, they're not able to love you. I don't care how you lay it out. I don't care how good or great you are. They're not able to do it. Okay, so what now?

You're going to keep beating your head up against a wall. Keep questioning yourself. How many times you're going to get the knife out and carve into yourself trying to find what's wrong with you why they can't love you before you just leave them alone? I'm great when I'm left of myself.

Yeah, it doesn't hurt me. I love it. Other people need to be left alone with themselves because you see exactly why certain people don't get things that they've always wanted. Because I've handed people true, like genuine, someone loving them. And they act like an insane person.

It's like people beg for love. They want to be love. And then when you give it to them, they don't know how to fucking handle it. They only understand toxicity. They only understand bargaining for love. Kind of like how I was talking about a few episodes ago. They only know how to earn love. They only know how to feel what they feel in the absence of love.

They don't know what the fuck to do with love when you put it in front of their face. So if you love someone and they act like it's nothing, leave them alone with themselves. It's not about you. If you appreciate the love that you have to give, okay, leave them alone with ourselves. Give it to yourself. The fuck? It really is that simple. Those are the main areas that this has kind of hit me with leaving people alone with

themselves and like fully cutting it. Like sever it fully through, like through the bone where you're not hung up trying to like question yourself and doubt yourself. Like see how you're capable. What the hell? What was I doing? What was I all insecure about? What the fuck?

Now I want to tell you what happened when I was at the casino. I hit a jackpot. My grandmother passed away right before I went to Vegas. So I had like three or four days while I was back in town, back in Dallas, before I was getting ready for the sunglass launch and then going to Vegas. So I was like, okay, I have four days to figure everything out. Then my dad's mother passes away. way. So I immediately book a flight to go to Florida, to go be with my dad and make sure he's good,

take care of him, get everything situated. Because your mom only dies once. And I'm good at holding it together when I need to for other people. And when other people are going through grief and going through a lot of crazy shit, being the solid one that they can trust to make a decision is very important. So I went because that's what I would want someone to do for me. That's what I want everyone to do for me in my family and around me is like if my mom passed away I would be useless I would be absolutely useless I wouldn't trust no decision I'd be making I'll be losing my mind so I hope that I have a rock like me when if that happens I hope I go first I don't want to live long anyway so I literally flew to Florida was there for a couple days flew back to Dallas and then the next morning left for

Vegas. The fact that I pulled everything off is nuts to me. I don't know how I was able to do it, but that's the type shit I'm built for. Like, I have an unspeakable level of strength and like, hold it together, keep it together, handle what needs to be handled type mentality. It's like, I don't crumble. I don't fall under pressure. It's like I get bigger. It's like when there's like, when there's pressure on me, it's like I swell. And I'm like, ah, I get more and more powerful. And when I got to Vegas, there was so many things I had to do, plus the sunglasses. launched and everything went great. I was so shocked and I did it all on my own.

I had my friend Kinsey there with me to go to the events and stuff, but like everything business wise, I did it on my fucking out and we killed it. I say me and you because I launched everything, made sure that our website was all good and you guys bought it. So you killed it. But anyway, I'm in Vegas and my grandmother just passed. She loved the casino. And I was like getting a little sad.

It's like all the emotions that I was kind of like shot and not. off to handle everything that I had to handle. We're like kicking back on. I was like, oh, great time. And my birthday. Like, I woke up on my birthday. And I was feeling like a little bit emotional. I was like, okay, so I sat with myself.

And I started writing a little bit. And I checked in with myself. I was good. I was handling everything. I know how to go through grief. I know how to handle losing people to death and even mourning people who are still alive. Like, I've kind of figured that out. And I sat with myself, got myself through it.

But I got the urge to go gamble. Really strong. So I was like, okay, I told my friend, I was like, Kethe, get ready. We're going outside of the Gambit. I was like, we have an hour before we have to go get ready to go to the UFC. Let's go Gamble. But the night before, I had these very like vivid, vivid dreams. And I knew it was my grandmother coming to visit me.

100%. I saw numbers flash across my face like this in my sleep. I remember the dream so vivid. It's like numbers were flashing across my face. and it was 42 went by and then 27 went by and then 13. It was like there was just certain sequences of numbers. I'm like, did she give me the lottery numbers? Damn, I wish I remembered all the numbers.

I don't know what she was doing. But it was like a peaceful dream and I knew she was there. And there was like a lot of good memories that were coming through. And like, I know she came to visit me. I know she was seeing something, but she was excited about the casino. But the main number that stuck out to me was 42. Don't know why. But 42, I'm like, what?

the hell you up to. My grandma over here telling me numbers. Like, what? Anyway, we go downstairs and we go to gamble. And I'm walking around, walking around. And there's the mummy machine. The mummy machine is my favorite. Mo MoMA mummy. That's what it's called. I love the mummy machine. He's dancing. He's fun as fuck. You got to collect the diamonds. That's my thing. I love that fucking game. Everything diamonds. Like, I'm screaming at the motherfucker most of the time. But I'm walking by and I don't know where I'm at in this casino. It's like I'm in the Cosmo, but like there's two areas to gamble and I didn't the area I went to I didn't gamble

before so I'm walking by and I'm like where the fuck is the mommy's and I turn around and I see this machine and the number 42,000 was at the top and I was like stopped by it like I was something like made me stare at that number at the top of the fucking machine and then I

remembered the dream and I was like 42 let me go put a hundred dollars let's go see what happened so I'm walking up to it and it's the mommy That's my favorite one. So I woke up to her. I'm like, okay, cool. Let's see what happens.

But the $100 dollars. And I hit a jackpot. $12,900. I was about to lose my mind because I felt my grandmother there. She was like, whoa. Like I know she was behind me. I know she led me to that fucking machine. And it made me laugh.

But then I'm waiting on them to come pay me. They pay me to cash. Okay, I get the cash. But then I look up on the machine and it says 27. that was the other number that I saw in my dream. So I'm like, let's try again. Let's see what happens. Because I was like 12,900.

I was like, I like 13,000. That's like better for me. Like I like, I like odd numbers. Unless it's like 20 grand. Like it lets it's a zero number. I like even. If it's like a three or a seven, I like the odd numbers. So I'm like, you know what I see 27 up there?

I was like, okay, let's see if my grandmother wants to hit me again. And I hit me with like five. So I put like 500 bucks in the machine. I'm tap it, tap it, tap it, tap it. And I hit another job. jackpot and it was for $2,200. So I was losing my mind a little. Like I was freaking out. I was so shocked and I was so just like, whoa, like rattled a little bit. I was like, what the fuck? So I did put a little bit of money back in, but I left with the 15,000. I was like 15,000 flat.

I'm going to take, I'm going to go back up to the room. Happy birthday to me. And I swear to God, at one point, I heard my grandmother's voice. I heard her say happy birthday Lee. So yeah, I took my 15 grand and I went back upstairs with it. And I held on to it. Because remember in the last episode I was telling you about how I resented myself because I gave away too much money last year. I held that shit. I was not putting it back in the machine and I was not going shopping. I was not buying nothing stupid. I told my money and I held it. And I went up to my room and we got ready for the UFC had a blast. And I left and I came home with the 15 grand. Sure did. I'm being responsible with money now. You know? So one thing that I did do, I paid off my mom's property taxes.

Because I don't like her to worry about nothing. I take care of my mom. That's like my, I look at that as myself, like another me. Like, oh, she needs her taxes paid off pay. Okay, whatever. So I paid off, I'm not property taxes. And then I sent some money to my dad to help with the funeral costs. Because I didn't want him to pay for him by himself.

Like, there was a little bit of a weird situation in the last few years of my grandmother's life. But it's, it is what it is. I'm not going to get into my family drama and gossip and all that. But I didn't want my dad to have to pay. pay for it. So all of it. So I sent my mom extra money when I paid off for property taxes. I was like, here's some extra money. Give it to dad because I don't want to have to pay for everything. And he won't take it, of course. But I tried. He said no, I thought of him. Like I didn't want to make him have to deal with all that alone. But then I saw Apple released a new MacBook, a new MacBook

pro. I'm waiting for a couple years. So I have the big MacBook and I like it, the big 16 inch. I like to edit and do all my stuff because I'm big as fuck. I'm 6'4 7. I got to have the big screen, and big everything. But I had a smaller laptop and I gave it to somebody who needed it last year. Like an idiot,

because I like the small one for when I'm traveling. Because lugging around, the big one is just a pain in the dick. I gave away my small one. I've been waiting on Apple to make a new MacBook Pro so I can get the smaller one

and then have the big one for home and the smaller one for when I'm traveling. And I saw, when I got home, the next day, they were dropping the new one. I was like, oh my God. So I ordered the bitch. I did.

It was like $3,800. So I ordered that for myself Because that's something I actually needed And it's a business right off So I had the money from the casino I was like hey I took care of my mom took care of my dad a little bit Oh I tried

And then I was holding the rest I saw something come up that I needed Bought it I got five grand left And I ain't fucking spinning it Yeah I was spent way more on the pop-up But that this is my money That's business money

This is my money The $5,000 And I'm like I'm not putting that nowhere I'm gonna hold it for myself Because I was thinking on my birthday I was like I want to go shop but I want to go buy myself something.

But I was like, no. Learn how to hold the money. Stop going to look for something that you want to buy and wait until something you want comes up. So the laptop idea came up and then I got to buy it with no stress, no guilt of nothing. I bought the fucking thing. And I got five grand extra that I'm waiting to see what I need.

But that's part of loving myself and the way that I need to. So I'm doing it. It's easy. The fuck. Like, oh my God. Me, hard to love. love because of who? Can't believe I thought that. But yeah, that's my little story time about the casino. And that's everything I wanted to say for now. I'm going to do the what would Leo do that I said

I was going to do last week. I'm going to do it next week because like I said, my grandmother died. And when I was going to pre-record the podcast, I had to travel. So I wanted to update you about all this first. And then we can do the what would Leo do next week. I'm going to go through all the submissions that you guys put. I'm going to make a video about it. Duh. Okay, that's all I got for this week. Love you all so bad. Also, if you got the sunglasses, tag me. I want to see the pictures. It makes me so happy to see you guys wearing them. They look cute on everybody. I told you. But that's it. It's all I got for this week. Everybody, be safe. Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.