Aware & Aggravated - 65. The Betrayal That Broke Me

Episode Date: May 24, 2026

How I escaped fight or flight mode and reset my nervous system. *The audio in this episode had an issue but future episodes sound quality will be back to normal after this one! Merch coming back May 29th! 🕶️ https://leoskepicollection.comSocial Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepihttps://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepihttps://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepiSubstack: https://substack.com/@leoskepi?utm_so... My App Positive Focus:(Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311(Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1Business Inquiries:[e-mail]

This is the story about how a certain betrayal almost landed me in the looney bin. I don't even know how to start this. I don't know how to talk to you. Like, I've been gone for a month. Almost two months. Oh, my God. Literally, here's the intro. I'm going to tell you about the betrayal that broke me.

And the relationship between betrayal and your nervous system and being stuck in fighter flight mode. That's good. That's not, yeah, that sounds nice. I've been through a fair share of betrayals in my life. I have trust no one tattooed on my hand for a reason. Everybody's always asking me, how do you handle betrayal? I just got a crash course on how not to, because the betrayal I just experienced broke me fully. Broke my nervous system, broke my emotional system, broke me mentally.

So I've learned a lot from it. And I want to start with that, okay? I want to start with the awareness that I've gained around it, and then I can walk you through my experience of what is happening. happened and yeah we'll take it from there so with betrayal you know how when like you're going through somebody's phone we can start with this good you know how you go through somebody's phone and you find them messaging somebody else you found that your partner's cheating on you or something and your stomach drops it's like that pit in your stomach where it's like you don't know if you

want to throw up you start shaking party wants to bash their skull through the wall and party was like oh my god like devastated want to boohoo cry that is an act of of fight or flight mode. It's also a state of shock when you find something out like that. So I've been stuck in a state of shock and my nervous system has been activated into fight or flight mode. So that was just a stupid example of like how it's not an actual threat, but your body will perceive a threat because when you find out someone's cheating on you, your entire life is up in the air. Nothing feels safe. You don't know what to trust, who to trust, nothing. It's just like you go kind of like nuts. So I want to

I wanted to give the relationship example because I feel like we all got like a little bit of like experience with that, unfortunately. If you watch me, you have experience with that. So the new awareness I have around being in fight or flight mode is everybody's body has it. You have a full-fledged nervous system and biological system that is prepared to keep you alive. So if you perceive a threat, like you're out in the wild, and all of a sudden there's a lie and is looking at you like, I'm gonna eat you bitch. bitch, your body reacts to keep you safe. So you got fight, flight, freeze, and font.

I've never related to nothing but fight, okay? That's my problem. And when there's not a physical threat, that's when I go nuts. So like with the example of like, you catch your part and cheating, you catch something in the phone. Or you like catch somebody doing something or lying to you about something. Catch somebody stealing money from you. Hi. Sometimes there's no actual physical threat.

And that's what drives me insane. But sometimes you get the reaction of freeze, like pretend you invisible, right? And then you got fleet. Get the fuck up out of it. So your body's set up to protect you and keep you away from threats, right? So I look at it like a loop now. It's kind of how I see it. When the fighter flight response loop is started, you get knocked into it.

You're prepared to handle the threat. And then what's supposed to happen is you have resolution. You fight, freeze, or flee. Once you're away from that threat, the loop. closes and your nervous system will downregulate itself everybody's experienced that where you get stressed out something happens you got to handle it and then you come back to a state of like rest and a sense of safety if you do not complete that loop if you never feel safe after something has happened you will be stuck in

the fighter flight response that is when you become illogical that is when you overread things you get stuck in hypervigilance mode and you start seeing threats that are not real. You're not able to see reality no more. You will lose your grip on reality, and I lost mine. When I said, this is the betrayal that broke me, this is the one that fucking broke me because I got stuck in it until I literally, it's like a car spinning its wheels

until it's burnt the tires off and you're just scrubbing rims. Then I scrubbed my rims flat until the car was just sitting there. I spun the fuck out. My nervous system fried because of this. I got stuck in fighter flight mode. for a year really but the past few months is when the burnout really just like hit so the main thing is not being able to feel safe when you're stuck in fight or flight mode one thing i want to say before we go into this is betrayal destroys people betrayal destroys your nervous system and it destroys

your mind and your ability to trust people and when you lose your ability to trust you're not able to complete that loop of exiting survival mode at all because once a betrayal happens you see that you've believed lies and you lose your grip on your ability to trust your own judgment of things You don't trust people you don't trust God you don't trust life and you do not trust yourself So exiting survival mode becomes almost impossible once you've lost your ability to have trust in anything Because you cannot feel safe that is how you exit and let your body downregulate itself out of survival survival mode is to feel safe. When you get betrayed bad enough, you lose the ability to feel safe

at all. You are locked in your own mental prison. If you're going through that, I want to voice it to you as intense as it is and how it fucking happens because I get it. Like I said, this is what drives people insane. Luckily, I was able to break out of it and I feel such a heavy responsibility right now. It's about to make me fucking cry to talk about it. I do not want to talk about what the Fuck, I've just been through at all. But it's like the message in it, and I luckily was able to escape it before something drastic happened where I ended up dead. Other people ended up dead or I ended up in a psych ward.

Completely lost my grip on reality forever and went insane. This is heavy as shit right now. But that's what betrayal does. Removes your ability to trust and you get caught in survival mode. You can't get out. So this is the way that I've. found to get out. This all starts with a friend I chose to get into business with. So this friend I had creates brands for people like clothing brands. And that's what they've built their whole

shit on. I've done merch for a while. I love clothes. I love making stuff. And I wanted to make my own clothing brand. Right. So after trying it multiple different times for years with different companies and getting kind of screwed over in the process, not too bad, enough where I could swallow it and move forward, I decided to take a chance with my friend who does this for a living. Because a couple of years ago, when I moved away from Houston, I was friends with this person in Houston when I lived there, I was there for the opening. And when my friend first got his warehouse to start this company of his, to make brands for

people. And he loves the shit like I do. And stickler on quality. His thing was always quality. And making sure things were good and people were not going to ripped off. So I after everything I went through time had gone on. I was there for the opening of my friends warehouse. I'm okay So once I go through a bunch of shit and have to basically restart my entire life again once I move to Dallas. So now I live in Dallas after LA. I reach out to him because I wanted to start my clothing brand and I told him all the things and all the issues I have with all these other people and all these other companies and how I got fucked over.

And he's like, Leo, I got you. Do not even worry about any of that shit. Trust me. So I take a chance and I start working with my friend and his company. He's doing this for a bunch of other people. So over this past year I working together, there was like 30-ish, probably 40 products I've been trying to make. And the way this company worked that I was with, my friend's company, air quote, big fat air quote around friend. I pay them a monthly retainer for their team of people.

Basically I go to them with, okay, I want to make all of these different products. They were supposed to go find the manufacturers that were the best to make those products for me, the quality that I want. the style that I want. I'm very picky, very selective. But the guy that owns this shit is the same as me. He's a stickler about quality and make things bad, right? So we start working together and that's just how like the dynamic was supposed to work, right? So we're making products. We're getting samples. Like I'm getting samples and samples and sample. Nothing is right. Not a fucking single thing is right. And I've talked about it on the podcast for the past year. Like here

and there I've dropped like little things about like, okay, I was trying to make this and then it went to shit. I was trying to make this and it just wouldn't work. and I got run around and run stupid basically where every single thing I was trying to make was taken too goddamn long, they weren't making it right, and it seemed impossible for me to get what I wanted made. And I was like, okay, these are the clear, like, instructions that I'm giving you to give to these manufacturers. You're giving it to them. What they're sending me is not even close. So where is the fuck up? Are y'all not communicating it correctly?

Where are these manufacturers just stupid? What is the issue here? This absolutely beat me down and the biggest Issue with all of this. I'm just gonna be really honest with you about the way that I'm feeling and what's happened and why this was so heavy for me Because after a few months of Going through all the sampling and shit not being right, I'm like okay, nothing is gonna be done Any time soon. So I was like why don't I make some merch in the meantime like merch? I've always made merch, but I was shooting for clothing brand higher and shit like nice stuff like specific custom, custom fabrics, custom fit, everything.

So that was my thing. That's what I wanted to do. But I was like, since everything's taken so goddamn long, and I'm trusting what you're telling me that it's going to be made right, let's just make some merch in the meantime. So I decided to make some merch. And that still took a little bit too fucking long. But I made merch while I was still working on everything else.

The thing that was stressing me out the most was last year on social media. So I went through a really bad period of having to rebuild my fucking life. and then I finally get back on social media and everything's blowing up, taking off, everything's great, boots. I've been turned off to brand deals and I've been turned off to making money through that means because certain shit happened in the past. I'm like, I don't want to do none of that. So my whole thing was with making money on social media, it's going to have to be through products that I can sell. And my whole thing with my clothing brand was, okay, I like nice shit.

I like designer shit. I like the quality. I like the fit. I like just the elevation of things. I don't like the cheap Zara bullshit and the fashion nova and the sheen. That's going to like rip and whatever. I'm also 6'4. I also found that I'm 6'6 and not 6'7 the other day, which was heartbreaking.

But my thing was I love designer fashion. So let me take all the products I have and love. Things I want to tweak about them and change about them. Find the same quality of stuff. And then not put a thousand percent markup on it like most of these companies. Like Balenciaga, for example, $1,700 for a pair of sweatpants. Those don't even cost 50 bucks to make. I assume.

That's what I assume. After getting into the back end of all this, yeah, I wanted to make great products with the style and shit that I like cheaper, way cheaper, where I'm not ripping the customer basically off and have things that I love and I like, because nobody seems to make anything exactly like I like it. So my whole thing was like, I want to make this more fair, and I want to make this fun for myself, have my own. shit I'm tired of paying stupid prices for stupid things so that was my whole goal was like

make my own low brain right weirdly enough I've been a clothing brand is something I've talked about since I'm 17 I've been into fashion since I'm little I used to change my outfit like four or five times the fucking day when I was little my mom used to scream at me because I would go through so much laundry but I've always been into fashion I've always liked that type stuff but being my size and my body shape and the specific style that I like nothing fits me nothing's right so I was gonna make it okay so With the whole thing of making the merch, cool, it was like good in the meantime. I was making money from it to plan to reinvest it.

And as more and more time went on with my social media blowing up, my only way of monetizing my following is through products that I'm going to sell if I'm not going to do brand deals. Ad cents and shit, don't pay that well. I threw away my podcast deal because, again, more poor business practices. And I just couldn't seem to get away from shit. So I'm like, you know what? I'll make good ass products. I'm not going to make near as much money as other influencers because I'm not busting out brand deals, doing podcast deals, and doing merch and doing products and doing courses.

I was like, I'm just going to do what makes me happy, what I'm content with. I don't need to be a gazillionaire, okay? Like, I'll make some money, have some fun, and like live a happy life. Like, that's what I was like trying to create with all this. So my social media last year was Buku. I gained like 6 million followers in like 3, 4 months. My views were fucking insane and there was all this traction and attention and I had no way to monetize it. So yes, there are ebbs and flows with social media.

There are things like that, but I feel like now I missed my moment to make money on so many things because they couldn't get my fucking products right for shit. That is an opportunity. I will never be able to capitalize on again. It's lost. It's missed. So the devastation of that is one thing. Trying to lead with my heart and do things with integrity and not scam people and rip people off and lie. Hey, here's this product. It's great.

And just lie to you for money. I've tried to do this with integrity. And it felt like it's bit me in the ass. So even with continuing, trying to make my products, they just were not right. And after like seven months of working with my friend, I got to a point where I called him and was like, yo, what the fuck? Like, I'm hopeless at this point that nothing's going to be made right. I'm already noticing like things are starting to level out a little bit on social media. I'm like, okay, I'm missing kind of my opportunity.

I need to get some stuff out, but we're months away from anything even being close to being ready if the next sample is right. So it was just a frustration and hopelessness. I got beat absolute hopeless with anything I wanted to make coming to fruition. And I wanted to leave the company after like six, seven months. When I had this phone call with him, I was like, I want to fucking leave. And I was like, look, it's no hard. No foul. If you can't make what I want, I understand. Just tell me. I gave him an out basically of like just tell me if you can't make what I want great and home boy reassures me. No, what you're asking for is not too much. We can do it. It's gonna work. We'll figure this out like do not stress that we're gonna get things made, right? So that ended up being an absolute lie and bullshit.

Homie didn't take his exit when he could have with me of just yeah, we're not gonna get it right. So just tell me straight up and out of off right like okay no harm no foul but other thing keeping me stuck in it was I've paid thousands and thousands of dollars for a lot of different products to have mold fees and sample fees and all this shit and I didn't want to walk away from that I'm like if there's still a potential for certain products to be made I'm already so far into it like my tank tops I've been trying to make like white feeders like tank tops that I wear all the time no brand makes them how I want them 14 different samples I went through.

Motherfuckers couldn't get them right. That's just out of headache with everything, but basically, I did my pop-up store back in March for my birthday of I wanted to meet you guys, hang out with you in person, do a pop-up store with the inventory that I had, right? It was mainly just merch stuff, but I had dropped my sunglasses. And the sunglasses are their own

absolute situation from hell. There was like around 800 pairs that were defective once they were made. I don't even want to get into all of the shit with the sunglasses, but that was kind of my breaking point of like, okay, I'm done with this shit. The pop-up store was something I was trying to do, one, to make money, to invest into making more clothes and doing stuff. The people I hired at the pop-up claimed that they were so experienced, they knew what they were doing, they were going to do this, all the, whatever. Absolute letdown, absolute fucking disappointment. Got fucked over big time by the venue owner who is now chained.

changed their company name and is evading anything because I made a video on TikTok like yeah fuck that venue owner everybody was already up their ass but they've changed their whole company name it's just a scammer in the works so there's two people who own the company I was working with I hired one of their wives who wasn't even planner and knew how to do all this shit she tried her best but I don't think she was cut out for the scale of what you guys made the pop-up be because y'all came boots but the store was not set up to be efficient and it was not set up for sales to go as good as possible. I ended up breaking even on the pop-up store.

And that put me in a situation of kind of like hypervigilance because I did so much and put so much into it. All of the things that I had said, these are my concerns with everything in writing to everybody. All the shit I was worried about happening still happened, even though I already pre-planned for it. So I felt like it was useless for me to be hypervigilant. Handing things off to people is just,

People are not trustworthy is what I saw it as fully. So I was in a state of financial absolute stress and potential ruin, but also with no hope of going forward. So all the products, by this point, I was hopeless they were going to be able to be made right. I was so beyond pissed off, hopeless, all the things you can imagine. Okay, one more thing to thicken the plot that happened before I left the company. I forgot to add this in, so I'm recording it now. There was one employee at this. company who was actually great and me and him worked really well together he was facing the same frustration that I was when we would send critiques and changes

to be made to certain products and the manufacturers would send them back but not listening to shit so we were both irritated with it and I asked him is there some other manufacturer we can use I want to switch at this point and he goes yeah there's actually this other manufacturer who I think is great but The owner of the company that I was working with, my friend at the time, he resisted like a bitch when I wanted to switch to the new manufacturer. He, for like almost two weeks, was like pulling, like, no, no, we're not switching it, we're not switching it. Until I put my fucking foot down and I was like, I don't care. I'm paying you.

Now switch my shit. The new manufacturer nailed my tank top in two tries. So 14 samples we've gone through once a month. time I send a critique a new sample comes back and it's wrong. This new guy, the new manufacturer nails it and two tries literally perfect. I've been trying to make tank tops for four years with different companies. Just this one was 14 samples and I knew I was not the fucking problem. I knew what I was asking for was not that goddamn fucking hard. It takes somebody that takes pride in what they do and can listen to basic instruction and detail to make it. The manufacturer I made them

switch me to nailed it on the second try there is not a single thing I would change about it and I got one of those samples in my hand I have it so after the pop-up store as soon as I got home is when I got the invoice for ordering these tank tops I'm like finally I'm gonna order them and I was starting to speculate all this shit going on and I was like okay something's off and when I got the invoice for ordering my tank tops finally The price that I remember discussing was a little bit higher that they were trying to charge me.

And that's when I started getting red flags of like something's fishy. Why all of a sudden is it more? I literally felt like God was dangling things right in front of me to take them because I finally get the tank top right. And this is when I start putting pieces together. And this is when I finally can order it, but I'm not going to. You know what I mean? It's like it's finally done.

I felt very betrayed by every single person that I was working with, doing anything with. I felt like I couldn't trust anyone. And when you're in survival mode, you're in hypervigilance mode. Yeah, you don't want to trust nothing. When people have betrayed you, you get an aversion to human beings. You want to push them all away from you, like a wild animal. It's like you take a dog who's been beat by every person it's seen. And it gets to a point it just stays coward in a corner and just shakes when people walk by it.

If you try and walk up to this dog, it's going to attack you. It wants to be just left alone. That's how you start to feel emotionally when you get betrayed by too many human beings. Your fucking system, your nervous system, registers humans as a threat. That's the state I was in, especially with my entire past and everything that I've been through. Everything was getting flared up. But with that first manufacturer that I was with, before I switched myself to the new one, I was the one holding things up because I wasn't like allowing them to make,

me settle for shit quality. Like putting me in a time crunch, putting me in desperation to get things out, you still couldn't bend my values. You still could not get me to sacrifice my integrity to make bullshit and try and sell it. And be like, oh yeah, this is great. Knowing, like, truth in the back end wasn't happening. But at this point, I started thinking, like really hypervigilance mode, Leo trusts no one type shit. And I started putting pieces together. I had been paying invoices when they would send me invoices for my merch and things that I was buying to have made. Like paying the manufacturing fees for everything. I started wondering, are they upcharging me? Because I'm preparing to be in bed with snakes at this point. So I'm like, are these motherfuckers upcharging me?

Have they been upcharging me this entire time of everything I've ordered? And so I sent it in the team thing, like the base camp where we all discussed shit. And I put it where everybody could fucking see it and I tagged the owners and was like, have y'all been secretly upcharging me on everything that I've ordered? Just, I'm just curious. And that's when the owner that I was friends with called me. And that's when I got to do what I do best. I know how to have conversations and make people wrap themselves out. He clean admitted, yeah, we've been upcharging you on every single thing. Basically, the monthly retainer I had been paying is one way they were getting me financially. Two, they were secretly upcharging me on every single unit of inventory that I ordered through them.

Posed as manufacturing costs, right? So the third thing is I was paying them to do my fulfillment. So they had all of my inventory at their warehouse and they would do fulfillment for me. And I was paying them for that. Okay, so that's three. Then through the conversation, he admitted without exact details. There were supposed to be like a ton of manufacturers of, of different products I was trying to make.

Most of my stuff was being pushed through this one manufacturer, and this one manufacturer wasn't getting shit even close to right. I'm talking piss poor quality, like Alibaba fucking plastic bullshit. Clothes, nothing was right, fabrics were off, fit was off, never listened to anything right. Okay, we get it. I asked him, are you in business with this company? Because I see him all the time, like overseas. And he's talked to me about so many different big companies

He's worked with in factories and manufacturers and all this shit and I'm like are you secretly in business with them? Like are you a partner with them actually? Let me ask that because now my brain's putting it together Pushing everything of mine to go through this one manufacturer even though we're not getting it right You have no concern they're not getting shit right you have no concern that I'm not making money You have no concern that my products have taken a year and none of them are even close to being right or ready So I was like, are you a fucking partner with them? Homeboy admits that he can't legally be in business with a company overseas. Like he's like, no, we can't be in business on paper.

Word for word is what he said. We can't be in business on paper. So I said, well, you can still get fucking money from them. Imposing like a kickback. You can still get kickbacks, right? So I'm like, you can still fucking get paid, right? Silence. This is my suspicion of it, is

there was some kind of setup where they're not in business, they're not partners allegedly on paper, but there was some kind of kickback he was getting for getting his clients to order from this manufacturer. He didn't admit it, but I know how to put the pieces fucking together, you know? So that was enough for me to say, you know what, we're done. That is four different ways you are capitalizing on me financially. And I told him, if I knew you were secretly going to be upcharging me shit from the beginning, I wouldn't have worked with you one or two, I would have negotiated a fixed percentage, because Homeboy was just charging whatever the fuck he wanted to charge me.

There was no fixed percentage of upcharge. It was just, oh, well, you're doing good. So maybe I could do this. Maybe I could charge you this much and you won't know. That's how I see it has happened. And I don't know the exact amounts of money. It's over a few hundred thousand dollars that went right in this fucking pocket that I didn't find out about I didn't know about and I didn't have a chance to know about it because I didn't

fucking know until my hypervigilin shit starts and I start nitpicking and just like sitting there thinking about every single thing that could be going on like as soon as you sent me free like that I'm going to find it and after our conversation I'm like yeah it's pretty much everything I'm speculating seems 99% accurate so I decided to fucking terminate the partnership and I was like yeah fuck this I'm done I had to swallow the fact that all the money of all the mold fees of all the things that I've paid I'm never going to get it back all the products I've been working on dead stopped and I'm not allowed to contact the manufacturers that they found and used so their fear is being cut out of

transactions so it's like it's in the contract that you can't contact them and then when my sunglasses came over 800 of them were defective and there's no coverage there's no warranty there's no shit for it if something's wrong so you're you've connected me with manufacturers and got me making products with manufacturers that offer no warranty, no quality control, and no refund or anything if something's off. Like, oh, I just got to fucking eat it. So I'm looking at it like, okay, I got to walk away and everything I've been working on is done. My future of seeing how I can make money is done. That's a whole financial crisis I was under of there is no hope of potentially making anything anytime soon. I'm going to have

to go back to months of sampling and trying and new manufacturers and all this shit. So like, financially, everything's fucking stopped for me. What I have is all the inventory that I have. My sunglasses that took a year to make, I'm not going to be able to make more. I'm not going to trust that manufacturer to make more. So all that's done. If I want to make more of my sunglasses when they sell out, I got to restart with a whole new fucking manufacturer. Just a lot of hopelessness, a lot of fucking fear. And on top of all of that, social media has like come down to like a slower pace. for me now and there's been new ownership of TikTok. You don't get paid fuck off TikTok no more. YouTube has some kind of switch. You don't really get paid that much off YouTube. So pretty much

every means of me making money got wiped out. I'm just giving you this background so you know where I was at and where I'm at mentally. Okay, so let me back up a little bit. Because after the pop-up store, like I said, it wasn't set up for sales and there was a lot of people who were trying to buy a lot of stuff and employees there were just saying, oh no, it's out of stop, like it's sold out because they didn't want to go look through boxes to find it. So a lot of my sales were prevented. So after the pop-up, I saw I barely broke even. And I was like, okay, people are asking online for me to release the products I was selling at the pop-up online. So I'm like, okay, let me do that. So as soon as I get them with the pop-up, I go home, I don't get to rest, I don't

I got my family here, I got my friends here, so me and my friends do a quick photo shoot and I go fill up the website and get everything set up to launch it online. I launched the merch from the pop-up online and as it was selling doing its thing, it was doing great. Like you guys came through and I appreciate you so much. You have no clue how much I've appreciated your support right now, especially when you buy stuff. So there's no break.

It was just fighter flight mode, it was paranoia, fear, no rest, no nothing. comes the ending of our partnership because they were still doing my fulfillment for the online orders. The warehousing fees were not bad. Like I didn't think I was getting fucked over on the warehousing fees, the fulfillment fees and stuff like that. So talking over email, I'm like, okay, we're done with the partnership. We have a 45 day notice of like terminating it. So I'm like, okay, let's make this as fucking easy as possible and as smooth of a transition as possible. So while you're sorting out, all the shit you're sorting out, I'm going to plan to come get my inventory. They tell me, no, you can't come get it all the inventory i paid for it they said no no no you can't come get it until

all our invoices are paid all the shit that we say that you owe us numbers seemingly they pull out of their fucking ass we have to go we have to total up everything that you owe us and then we can let you come get it you're not allowed to come get your inventory that you already bought and paid for okay my brain immediately starts kicking like okay if i show up there to go get my shit they're gonna call the cops because they're fucking scared and they're not gonna let me take my inventory so i'm like okay i actually have to like play this kind of smart. I was like, I'm going to get fucked when they send me their final invoices, but my only way of making money right now is to get my inventory from Houston, bring it to

Dallas, and do fulfillment myself. That's my only means of making money. So I'm like, okay, they're going to fuck me on the invoices, but I got to just eat it so I can get my inventory and then make some more money, right? Like, I just, that's kind of how I was seeing it. Like, I'm just going to have to do what I'm going to have to do. All they offered after me finding out all this shit was $10,000 toward $5,000. fulfillment invoices. I had an invoice for like 40 grand worth of shit. So 10 grand after hundreds of thousands of secret up charges have gone on, that seems fucking pathetic. And then they offered 3,000 pairs of replacement sunglasses frames to make up for the ones that were defective.

Okay, 800 were defective. According to their accounts, which are unfucking reliable, because they were still missing shit, right? The thing was with the whole offer of 3,000 glasses frames, they were just trying to give me the frames as replacements. I don't sell just the frames. I sell them with the case, the hard case. I sell them with the leather pouch, the accessories, the cleaning cloth, and gold screwdriver, and then inside the box. There were items that some of the boxes were damaged,

some of the cases were damaged, some of them were damaged, and some of them were defective. So I did not know any exact counts of what was actually sellable inventory. their offer of the 10 grand plus the 3,000 frames, I can't sell those frames. That's not how I fucking sell them, and I told them that, but they had me in a pinch of,

they stopped fulfilling my inventory and pull all the stock out of my website. I wake up and just see it gone. I'm like, we were supposed to discuss this. I'm sitting there waiting for them to make me an invoice and tell me what the fuck I owe you so I can pay it so I can immediately go get all my shit. But I finally send the invoice,

I'm like, go fuck yourselves. But I pay it. And then the next day, got in a truck with my dad, rented a 26-foot truck, booked it to Houston, and got all my inventory, and then brought it back to Dallas, put it in a storage unit. So I don't know how much sellable inventory I had available. And I was losing my mind a lot. Like, I was just stuck in, like, literal fighter flight mode. Don't know what the future holds. don't know what I have, don't know anything.

I just know all the products I've been working on for the past year. None of them are going to be made. I'm not going to have anything to sell past my current inventory for a while. So I was panicking. Pretty fucking bad. So I get home and I'm like, okay, now you can't sit down yet. You have to go find a little office space on a little warehouse where you can do your own fulfillment, Leo.

Like, there's no time to sit down. So that's what I did. I spent a few days and found a little bit. warehouse it's small but it's what I it's like it's cute I feel so I find the warehouse I have to go clean it and then get it painted get it situated I got all my inventory moved from my storage unit into the warehouse I spent like a week with my sister and my mom moving all of the stuff cleaning setting it up counting my inventory upon counting my inventory certain things they said were

out of stock a long time ago, I'm finding it. I'm finding so much shit that is in stock that they said was out of stock. There's stuff that you guys placed orders for and paid for, and they told me months ago was out of stock. So I refunded you guys. So sorry, it was out of stock. Now I'm finding all kinds of stuff. There was one point where I had a lot of inventory in my house. Like there was some in the storage unit and some in my house. And like after the chaos of all of this, it was like one day I came downstairs in my house. And, and, And inventory was everywhere. It was like overrun my house with boxes and stuff.

My garage too. I started to lose my mind because I didn't recognize my house. I'm caught in fighter flight mode. I can't feel safe. I don't have any kind of normalcy or sense of safety at all of the future or positive or hope. I have none of it. I got through that and then once I got my warehouse and I got everything out of my house,

I feel a lot better in my house because it's like, okay, work is separated. But I'm having to open a full warehouse on my own, a full fulfillment warehouse. And I don't know anything really about that. So I've been figuring out as I go. Irritated, just angry, resentful. The anger had been like, it started to wear my body down. Like, my gut is the first thing. Like, since I'm little, if I get too stressed out or if I get too angry or I'm just, like, panicked.

If I'm in fight or flight mode too long, my stomach turns. And, like, I shit water. I have fucking diarrhea so bad. And then that starts impacting my sleep even more. So I'm waking up in the middle of the night having to go shit. And I'm just like mentally, erect, physically, I start to fucking deteriorate and I'm sleeping. I'm not really eaten. And through this whole period of setting up the warehouse and getting everything situated,

I was smoking a little weed pin that I found that I forgot about. I was like, oh my God, saving grace, because I'm not eating. So if I can hit it at night to calm myself down because I can't fucking sleep. If I can try and knock myself out and also get an appetite, I can eat and then fall asleep. So that's what I was doing for two weeks. I was smoking weed every single night to eat and put myself to sleep to stop stressing. I would wake up, fuck, and just start running again. But I was working like 12 hour days at the warehouse, like full-fledged, physical labor, mental labor, everything you could think of.

I was getting it done. I got that warehouse goddamn set up. So this is something I need to tell you about that really sent me over. And God put his foot on my neck and stunked it. So there's this woman who runs a baseball team for disabled children. And she was posting videos, like the kids usually will say like who their dream people would be to show up at one of their games. And they picked their favorite celebrities and influencers and all that.

And the woman that runs this team made a TikTok and posted about it and then they named me. The kid's number one pick was me. So my mom ended up seeing the video. it tugged on her heart and she really wanted to like get me to go to it and she started messaging with the woman who runs this team for these kids and was telling her that I will be there like my mom wanted to go with me and like make me go to this thing I'm like okay when I first heard about it it was right before my pop up and I was like okay it's in like a month month and a half I can

plan for some point at that time this is before everything got bad but I was like it's in the back of my head okay I'll tell them I'm gonna go like I I'm would love to go do that. You know what I mean? Like, I feel like it would be very heartfelt. And with all the doomsday shit I've been feeling and how bad I've been feeling, I was like, that could be a good, very heartwarming and, like, good experience for me. Like, I kind of need that. And then the woman that runs the team comes to my pop up in Houston. And she brings me a T-shirt she made, and it was the kid's logo on it. In gold, she made it. And it was for me. And I was like, oh, my God, it's like, I'm really

committed. Like, okay, I'll feel better. I'll feel like up to it when it comes. So the date for their baseball game falls right in the middle of when I'm trying to set up my new warehouse. I had one day off Saturday that I was going to take off and finally just like rest for a minute. And that was the only day I could have gone to the baseball game because it was right before their last one. I was like, Mom, I really don't feel up to doing this. I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I can't do it.

Like, I can't get myself to go do that. And she begged me, please just do this for me. I feel terrible to cancel, but I was like, I know I need to go. But I was like, I'm trying to reason with myself to get myself to go. My mom said, she started to cry. And my mom rarely ever cries. And she was like, son, I don't know what it is, but God has it so heavy on my heart to get you to go to this.

I don't know what is going to happen. but I can't let it go. I have to get you there. And I keep talking to God, just telling him, I'm going to do my best. I'm going to get him there, but then get off me. Like, something was going on with my mom where she just felt so intuitively to get me to this baseball game with these kids. And then my mom tells me why it's also on her heart so strong is because I never knew this. When I was really young, like a little kid, she said that she came into my room one morning and I was

slumped up in my bed just drooling. I couldn't talk. I couldn't speak to her. She was trying to talk to me and I just wasn't moving. Like I was a vegetable. Just like sat there propped up on my bed, just drooling all over the bed, laying in a puddle of drool. And she said she screamed for my dad. They grabbed me, take me to the hospital because I couldn't talk. I wasn't there. Like nobody was home. She said that she got to the hospital and the doctors put me into a coma. and they were trying to run all these tests, and they could not figure out what happens to me because I went to sleep normal,

and I woke up, gone. Like, I was not there. And the doctors were telling my parents, you guys need to come to terms with the fact that your son might wake up like this. Like, your son might be disabled. Like, we don't think he's brain dead, but he's paralyzed. Like, we don't know what's happened.

It's not a stroke. They've run every test they can. And they could not figure out what was wrong with me. And my parents, I was in a coma for a few days. Like, they were waiting to wake me up till they could run every test and get my parents braced to the reality of, like, your son might wake up in the same state that he went under. And he might be like that for the rest of his life. We don't know.

We can't tell you. My parents didn't leave the hospital, they said. They said that they were there the whole time I was there. They woke me up out of the coma, and I was right back to normal. Like, nothing happened. Like, I snapped back up. was like, I'm hungry. Typical. My first one

and I wake up and go, I need a cigarette. That's what I would say now. But little me was like, I'm hungry. But my mom told me that. And she's like, that's another reason I'm so, I want to get you to go there because that could have been you. Like, those kids could have been you. Because there's kids on this baseball team that have all different, like, degrees of physical disabilities and mental disabilities. So I ended up going. And I had to be up at 5 a.m.

on Saturday, on my one day, I could sleep. We had to drive two hours away in Texas to go show up and surprise the kids. It was a great experience. It was so heartwarming. It was so genuine and pure. And some of the kids were so honest and I loved it. They didn't give a fuck. It was so, like, refreshing.

And, like, they were so just, like, full of joy and just happy. There were certain elements of it that were sad. But I got to pass out to the trophies to every kid. Like, it was such a, like, a. Heartwarming experience, but I was tired. Like when I left, I was tired. And I went home and I started cracking that weed pan. I start hitting it.

And then I started to get a really bad panic and fear to go to sleep. I was terrified at any moment I could wake up and be back in that paralyzed state. Because the doctors never knew what happened. So this kicks on a whole new, absolute fear for me. And with talking to some of the kids at the game, There was one, like, I don't, you know, I don't treat disabled children different. I don't talk to them different. It's like, there's some kids that were like five, six years old.

There's some kids who are like 16. They're like teenagers. And I was talking to one girl and she's like, thank you for, I'm not going to imitate her voice. I'm not going to do that. But she was like, thank you for talking to me like how normal. These kids understand jokes. They understand humor. They're funny as fuck, okay?

People baby them. And this one girl, she's like 16. She's like, thank you for talking to me and thank you for swearing around me and being fun. Because one thing I hate is my parents always put on cartoons. And I don't want to fucking watch that. She's like, I'm 16. And I was like, girl, I've also taken care of patients in the past when I was a nurse that people who are mentally disabled and physically disabled, some people have a full functioning normal consciousness brain. They perceive the world like we do, who don't have any.

diagnosed issues. And they say that it's like just being trapped inside a body that doesn't work. They know what they're trying to say, but it can't make the words. Sometimes it like a some people can't make words at all. And some people it just won't come out. It's like being trapped inside a body you can't control. I have that understanding and that knowledge. And then my mom telling me that story of when I was little, me already being in fighter flight mode, exhausted, tired. I started to panic about that. And when I woke up the next morning, I was stuck in fear. I was so terrified to try and move because I was like,

God is clearly fucking me up right now. This would be his last laugh. You've dangled in front of me so many things in my life. With my social media, I've been given an opportunity of a lifetime. I haven't been able to capitalize on it. I haven't been able to like have it go right. I feel like I've been nerved by things outside of my control. Anything in my control, I will do it and it will get done.

Anything I ask people for help for with, anything I have to rely on outside forces for, will fuck up no matter what I do. And I've just lived so much experience of it. I have so much past experience way in the past of it. But it's just like the current stuff. And I'm like, if God really wanted to get his last laugh on me, he would trap me in a body that I couldn't move in. And I was so convinced God was against me.

And I was like, if that happens, what do I do? I can't kill myself. That, like, sent me over a lot, like, in a lot of ways mentally, of, like, that being my fear. And that made it harder to sleep every night because every night I would go to sleep, I couldn't because I was terrified to fucking wake up. I didn't know how I was going to wake up. So being in hypervigilance mode made me lose grip on reality. And this became a very real thing. was living every morning I would wake up I would just lay there before I would try and move

because I was scared shitless I do still kind of have that a little bit like I'm trying to work on that one but the other thing is like when you're in hypervigilance mode you can't be grateful there's no positive there's no happy so I felt like this intense pressure on me to be grateful for the fact that my body does work and I felt scared like God's watching me stress out and deal with so much shit and I'm not being grateful for my body he could take it and I was starting to look at God like that I'm like it freaked me out it really freaked me out and then I started getting frantic that I couldn't find positive thoughts I couldn't feel good I couldn't feel happy I couldn't feel appreciative for fuck it was just like a mental hell literally I really do appreciate my mom for

pushing me to go to that even though telling me the story about me when I was little scared the shit out of me she's been there for me through so much of this and I couldn't have done this without her truly Like I couldn't have stayed sane as long as I did and then she came and helped me with the warehouse It's nuts and then I reconnected with my sister kind of like me and my sister had to grow apart for a second and do our own thing And we've reconnected through all of this like she's come and help me with the warehouse and she's Continued to help me with a lot of stuff behind the scenes but it's like our personal hanging out day-to-day Stopped for a minute because it was like we just were buttoned heads on certain things and we have to go experience So it's like it was a loving like

Let's take our space for a second. But through all this, we've reconnected. And we've been hanging out more. And she's come in and been here for me at a time where I really fucking needed it. And I've had a lot of betrayals that I haven't talked about on the internet, that I haven't talked about really. And it's like just personal things, friends, some business stuff and people trying to get in certain doors with me and take advantage of me in a lot of different ways. Certain people that I thought God was putting in my life were more lessons and more betrayal. So I'm looking at it like, okay, I can't trust what the fuck is going on.

I don't trust anything. And I'm in a position where I can't do all of this alone. So I'm having to trust people. And I kept it very tight to my friends that are like family and my actual family. Everybody else has gotten booted the fuck out. Even with my family, it's like it's a hard thing when you're going through betrayal like this. It makes you have your guard up with everybody. So I've been kind of like distanced from everyone.

And it's like I'm having to trust people be around me and be involved in all of this, but I was doing it with my teeth like this, like scared shitless. Like I'm, I just got burned by all these different facets of life. And I'm having to trust people. I'm being, I felt like God was another thing. I'm just like, you just stomping my neck in right now. You're making me have to be in a position where I have to trust people after what has just happened to me. But I was like, okay, this time I'm just keeping it to family.

But I keep getting on this topic of like, I felt so hopeless because that's truly how I felt. I would vacillate between triggered, activated, fighter flight mode, anger, face a threat, be operating in that or absolute hopelessness. There was no in between. The other thing was with the tank tops, I got my sample. Right. I only had one in my possession.

But I couldn't use the manufacturer who made it. So I'm like, okay, I have at least one of my tank tops. That's perfect. I can take it to any new manufacturer that I find, give it to them and say, and say, you say make this exactly. But I was not ready to face all that. I just saw a longer road of more headache and bullshit, and there's so many hurdles I had to go through

to even get to a point where I could even entertain the thought of doing that. It's like dating somebody who's fucked you up royally, and then me like, yeah, but yeah, go date somebody new right after. No! No! I don't want to fuck to do it a relationship after that. That's how I felt would think that. Like, oh, yeah, after all this, yeah, keep going and going to make that. No. I was like, I got to get my warehouse set up first.

But after getting the warehouse kind of like stabilized, it's like, okay, I mentally know all of my inventory is out of their hands. Our partnership has ended. Now that I've kind of got my life on the ground, it feels like. I've got my inventory in my hands. The warehouse is set up. I have a couple of steps left before I launch. I felt a little bit of stability with my physical life. Mentally, I did not have any, but it's like once my physical reality, I got it situated where it felt like sturdy.

This is when my emotional system collapsed. This is when my nervous system collapsed. When I say it broke me, this is when it broke me. Because my weed pin ran out too. So I was like, you know what? I'm going to get off the weed. Now I've got everything situated. Okay, I'm going to try and calm down.

So I started contacting attorneys. And I sent them the contracts that I had signed. And basically, the attorneys that I talked to said, the way that their contracts are written, they're written to fuck you over like this. What they did was not illegal because of the contracts. They were so aloof and there were certain clauses put in their contracts where they could get away with all of this. And all you could really fight on is unethical business practices. And I'm like, okay, great.

So after hearing that and kind of accepting that, like, okay, this is just going to have to be what it's going to be. I had no hope. There is a manufacturer that I found on my own for my tank tops. I have a new avenue of a new manufacturer I can go down. That is nothing to fucking do with any of these rap pieces of shit. And I'm like, okay, I have no hope to even go restart. I'm like, I don't have it in me to go try this shit again. With my warehouse being set up to relaunch my current inventory and put it back for sale,

I didn't even have it in me to do the last few steps to get it, up and running. Everything's ready and waiting for me to just do a couple more things and I'm ready to relaunch it. But I finally got to this point where like it all came crashing down on me mentally. This is something I've never experienced before and it truly scared the fuck out of me. When my nervous system collapsed, it started with this insatiable feeling of discomfort. Like I was itching inside of myself. Like I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I didn't want to stand up. I didn't want to sit down.

I didn't want to lay down. I didn't want to do anything. I didn't want to put on music. I didn't want to hear anything. I didn't want to watch a video. I didn't want to watch a movie. I wanted no stimulation, but I wanted stimulation at the same time. I was starting to go, like, erratic, like fucking nuts.

Because I didn't know what to do with myself. It was, like, insatiable. I was like, I'm about to call my sister, and so I were to come over here and sit with me. I started to get thoughts of destroying my house. Like, I wanted to start smashing shit. I wanted to fucking break my TV. I wanted to just start destroying my house. I've never been like that.

I've never experienced that. Once that started coming up, I was like, uh-uh. I went and put myself in my bed, wrap myself in my comforter and said, you ain't fucking leaving. And I made myself sit down because I was like, mentally I was like losing my grip on like what the fuck is even happening you know what I mean I was like maybe I'm having like a mental breakdown I was like let me just get in the bed

the hardest thing was I couldn't talk myself to I couldn't talk to myself in any way I couldn't get myself to find the thought that felt better or brought me any kind of relief the thoughts of revenge come up duh but I've had a whole new awareness around a revenge hit so many times and typically in the past when someone did me wrong I would just hope that they fucking died and I would feel better. But wishing and thinking about these people dying, not intentionally doing it myself, but just like the thought of these people dying didn't make me feel better. The thought of getting money from them, someone handed me $100 million would not have made me feel better. Nothing about this situation would have made me feel better. And that's what made it worse.

That's when the spiral got really, really bad. And I couldn't find any thought to soothe myself or comfort myself or like, there was nothing about how I was feeling that I could find to feel better. There's no thought I could think that felt positive. There is nothing that would make me like feel any kind of resolution or like okayness. Once I got in my bed, wrapped myself up, set my alarm for my house where it's locked down. I locked all the doors, locked my shit down and got in my bed. It was the first moment that I felt safe enough for my system to collapse and I fucking sobbed. Like, I sobbed my eyes out for two hours of, it's like it's all just like filtering out of me and finally coming out.

And I realized when I started wanting to smash shit and break shit, I've always been like this since I'm younger. If I know there's a threat or a problem, I want to just get it over with. I don't like how my body feels in fighter flight mode. It's like when I would be having an altercation with someone in high school. If you're sitting here screaming, talking shit, I don't like how my body feels when it prepares for a threat. I don't like being anxious. I don't like being ready, waiting.

I would always swing first. Let's get it over with. Let's get it popping, bitch. I don't like being in fighter flight mode. So I'm always quick to just like, let's just get it over. If we're going to fight, let's just swing. I that's just my thing and me with destroying my house I see it now like I've never had thoughts like that before I'm like what the fuck are you going crazy that was that reaction of myself it's like I don't like feeling prepared for a threat and when I was sitting here there was no threat like there was no physical threat and I'm like I just something needs to kick off something needs to happen like

some kind of destruction needs to start happening like there's nobody to fight what is happening Like, that's how I felt mentally. I'm like, let's just get it popping, bitch. Let's just start breaking shit. Like, I couldn't spot the threat that my body was perceiving. So I was just like, let's break everything. Glad I didn't. I have enough self-control where, like, that's the craziest spot I've ever kind of, like, been pushed to emotionally and physically, like feeling that.

But I still have the restraint. I still have the awareness to, like, put myself into bed. And that's what I needed, was to comfort myself for a second. So I put myself in bed and I cried, like I said. But when I got done crying, I was on my breaking point. I sat in my bed and stared just off in space for like an hour. After crying for two hours, I got to that point, like, you know how when you like sobbing crying? Have you ever been crying so hard that everything just switches off?

Like immediately, it's like you flip a switch and everything just like, like it's like the emotional process is done. You've been overloaded. You've cried so fucking hard. It just turns off. That's what happened. And then I just stared at the wall for an hour. And I was just kind of like thinking to myself. I'm like, I fully got my brain back.

Like, it's like everything logically was kicking back in. I was like, hey, okay. So I got objective. It's like this objective voice, like was my own voice in my head. It's like I was talking to myself. And I was like, okay, you got fucked over. You don't know what you're going to do. You're going to restart the warehouse.

But you're going to take a break for a second. Taking a break about kicked me back into fighter flight mode. The thought of taking a break. Because I'm at this. point where I kept pushing the goalpost of when I could stop and take a break. And I was like, once I get this launched and then sales are going and money's coming in, I can breathe. I'm not living like that.

Thinking of stopping right now and taking a break right before I launch everything again in my own hands in my own way, felt like death, like paranoia, scared shitless. Like it kicked me back into fight or flight mode and I was like, you know, okay no I'm not doing that like I'm at my breaking point I just broke so instead of trying to think about tomorrow tonight I had to think minute by minute of like what I was going to do and I took a break I took a couple days and I was like you know what if it all crashes and burns fuck it because I just crashed. I was like, I'm going to take a break. I'm going to allow myself to heal and chill for a second before I go back into all that. And I was like, tomorrow, I'm not going to

the warehouse. I'm not thinking of any of this shit. I'm just going to let myself sit still and rest. Like, I was emotionally taxed, nervous system broke. So I was like, okay, I'm listening to my body. Finally, I'm listening to myself. I knew I needed to take a break. I didn't. I didn't understand what was going on in my mind, I just felt like I was losing my mind. I felt like I was losing my ability to be rational because in all of this, this whole identity got created of being in fighter flight mode. And when you're perceiving threats all the time, everything becomes a threat. And the longer you're in fighter flight mode, the more irrational you get. So I lost the ability to discern between what was normal friction in life. Like normal shit

happening traffic delays errors stupid little human mistakes little interactions in life like rain when it rains outside there's normal friction in life being caught in fire or flight mode for so long I lost my ability to tell what was normal friction everything became an attack people just walking by my house I had to keep my blinds closed people just walking by the house would put me on fighter flight mode of like oh shit that is how like really over overtaxed I got. With realizing I was seeing everything happening in life as an attack on me. I was like, God's against me. God's fucking me up. There's no good. There's no happy. There's no nothing. When you're in fighter flight mode, you can't think positive. You're not thinking best case scenario.

You think worst case scenario. So that's what I was stuck in was every single thing was worst case scenario. Thinking about going and restarting just to start on my tank tops, I was playing the tape forward, I had an identity built around being in survival mode. And that included not having hope and not seeing a good case scenario. So when I've had the thought of a tank top and going with this new manufacturer I found, I immediately was hit with being drained and tired and just like, nope, I have no hope. And then I looked at it and I'm like, okay, I started writing it out. I was like, what the fuck is that? My brain immediately, over any desire or thought that I had, would run a few steps ahead before I could consciously catch it of worst case scenario. When I thought of the tank top,

all I saw was delays, errors, getting fucked over, losing more money, and more time wasted. That was all overlaid in it, but all I thought was, okay, I could start on the new tank top, and I was hit with the feeling of depletion, tired, fuck it, hopeless. It's like that identity I had of being in survival mode, that's the only way it had to keep me safe with anything. was to stop stimulation. It had to stop me. And that's what my mind did. And I had this whole identity created around it. But that's what happens when you're in fighter flight mode for so long. You're plotting. You're seeing things and issues. And then when I talked about that cycle, remember the cycle I talked about with where you start the loop and when you don't complete the

loop of survival mode, you get stuck in it. There's stored activation energy in there. Typically what it would take to trigger you is like a hair. Once you're stuck in that loop. So that's like stored activation energy of everything you're currently in. It's like you can be in fighter flight mode and be at not peace, but a level of neutrality for a second. You're not happy, you're not sad. It's like you get neutral for a second where you can think, not logically, but you just like think of the next steps. Every time I would think of more shit about how bad I got fucked over, it would re-trigger me. Full fighter flight mode again. Every time a certain person would text me or anything like social media watching a certain video would trigger the fucking

shit out of me like full body reaction gut punch that feeling was hitting with so many different things but that stored activation energy is there when you're in fighter flight mode it takes nothing to trip you to be activated again it's like you're reactivated nonstop you're in the ring it's like you're in a boxing ring and you're fighting and it's like you knock your opponent out and you get that two seconds of rest while they're on the ground. It's like, are they going to get back up or not? And it's like, they get back up. Okay, you had three seconds of rest.

The fight didn't stop, but now we got to go again. That's how it feels, but that's how it felt with everything in my life. Like a text would trigger that. Like, okay, the opponents back up. We're fighting again. New threat. All I saw was threats. All I saw was shit wrong, how things were going to go bad.

And like I said, with a tank top thing, that's how I got that awareness with, Why did I just think about that thing and then get hit with dread and hopelessness and like frustration and like no It's all of that it's like that's how I saw that I have this whole identity created around being in survival mode and There's this identification with emotions when they hit and identification with certain outcomes that happened and I want to talk more about that With letting certain scenarios and certain thoughts enter you and feeling states like consume you instead of just observing you instead of just observing serving them. So I lost sight of being someone that is blessed and being someone that things can go good for. You lose the ability to think that things could work out good for you after you've been in a period of being stuck in survival mode. That's your brain's way of keeping you

safe. It's like, stop trying more shit. Like stop. It's all going to end the same way. So it took me getting to the point where I forced myself to take a break. My body forced me to. And then I was like, okay, I guess I can agree. Taking that break helped me see. and make sense of a lot of this shit. And I've been having to rehab myself. And when I'm getting triggered and irritated, it's like having to reassure myself, I'm safe and go through all that.

Like I said, I want to make a different podcast episode about that. Like escaping the identity that's created, that everything will go wrong for you and be bad. I'm okay now. For the most part, there's a lot of shit still going on. But I've been going back to the gym

and feeling a lot better mentally. Like, I'm able to get back to being Leo. with the soul that I have and the trust in my soul and the trust in God and seeing that things can go positive and work out positively. I'm not forcing myself back into shit, but tank tops are moving. That's one thing. So I'll keep you posted on that. This week, I'm getting everything ready to drop. So on Friday, I'm putting this out on Sunday. On Friday, May 29th, everything on my website will be restocked. There's going to be a lot of inventory of old stuff that's been sold out so if you didn't get it I have it I counted it I found it so everything

that I got left I'll put on the site but May 29th I'm gonna drop everything this week I'm gonna get back up with the warehouse there's not a crazy amount to do I'm gonna take it easy and get everything set up from a positive mind frame and not in survival mode like I have to get this done at urgency freak out no I'm taking it easy I've delayed this a week and a half almost two weeks longer than I wanted to for myself So, yeah, that's where I'm at now. That's how I feel.

I feel like I'm coming back to myself. It's just taking a minute. And it's a lot that I've just experienced. So, yeah, leave me comment, let me know what you thought. If you made it to the end of this episode, we could do a little emoji. What do we want to comment? Comment a heart emoji.

We don't have to get created this week. Just comment a heart. So I know that you made it this far. But let me know what you thought of this episode, too. The more stuff is coming to me every single day. day about all this. So I'll be making more podcasts. I'm going to try and get back on track with it every Sunday because I've been gone for like six weeks. I've been busy. I've been fighting and flighting. I'm happy I was able to talk to you again and get back in front of this camera

because when I'm not in front of it, something's real wrong. But I'm glad I'm back. Happy to be back. Missed you real bad. That's what I got for this week. Everybody be safe. Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you most likely next Sunday.