Aware & Aggravated - 75. The Good Habits Of Trauma

Episode Date: October 4, 2026

Let's trauma bond over ways certain things warped my brain. If you get it, you get it lol Man Beaters & Sunglasses: 🕶️ https://leoskepicollection.comAmazon Storefront (Things I actually use/buy)https://a.co/d/04ENNIRFSocial Media: https://www.instagram.com/leoskepihttps://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepihttps://www.snapchat.com/add/leoskepiSubstack: https://substack.com/@leoskepi?utm_so... My App Positive Focus:(Apple) https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311(Google) https://play.google.com/store/apps/detailsid=com.positivefocusapp&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1Business Inquiries:[e-mail]

Hi friends. This week I got a list of things I can't do. This is shit that baffles me that other people can do it and kind of irritates me a little bit. I just want to talk about it. I think it'll be funny. But I also think people are going to relate because I've never heard other people talk about this and like when you're like a little knocked loose in the noggin. All this makes sense. So the idea for this video kind of came about because I've been spent a lot more time around my friends and one of my friends had to crash for me so you stay with me for a few weeks and being around normal people i'm realizing damn like i got some i got some like quirks you know so let's talk about it first thing on my list perfect example people who'll be walking around with

earphones in public how you do that how do you not like need to hear everything happening around you pisses me off when i see it other night i was out with my friends and we were like coming home at like 3 a.m. This guy's walking around in a dark like part of town. Just with earphones in. Just walking around. My exact words were what the fuck? I feel like there's just such a disconnect with people with me.

Because like how do you do that? Genuinely, I'm kind of asking like people who say that they listen to my podcast when they go on a walk. How do you do it? I would love to be able to go on a walk and go just listen to something, have some music. on have a podcast on no i have to have all of my senses on and active like if anyone's going to walk up behind me everything going on i have to be aware of it how do y'all just walk around life with your fucking earphones then how do you do it especially at night like when i was in new york a couple

years ago i never got the experience of like oh go walk around town with the earphone done put on some music like you're walking a little runway i didn't get to do that because like i will freak the fuck out. If I don't have my ears on, like, if I can't hear my surroundings, oh, I'm a nutcase, nutcase. Like, it will drive me, like, insane. Like, I don't know how to relax with my ears covered in public. Very weird. But, like, I envy it. Like, I envy y'all. But, like, I have to certain things that you go through, it's like when you need your ears, when you have to be, like, on hypervigilance, it's like, that's one thing I can't kick. I really can't. And sometimes when I'm driving, I know everybody does this. It's like you can't see,

where you're going, you're like pulling up in a neighborhood, your friend's house or something, never been there before. And you're like, hang on, let me turn a radio down so I could see. Everybody does that, though, I feel. But like, yeah, that's the first thing on my list is I do not understand how people just run around life with headphones on, listening to anything. I don't feel like that's something I want to change.

Like, be harder to kill, you know? But, like, that's something I want to change. It's just something that baffles me. And that's kind of most of this list. I'm just like, how do y'all be running around life like that? How could you just be so goddamn carefree? Have you not been through nothing? Nothing.

You just running around life with your ears like blast it out. I don't get it. Okay, next thing is leaving anything in my car. That's something I can't do. I have this thing in my brain where any time I get out of my car, I'm convinced anything in it will be stolen. 100%. I don't leave shit in my car and especially like when I'm packing you guys orders you guys order stuff I pack the orders and then I put them in my car and I go drop them off like the UPS to FedEx the USPS whatever I don't care if I'm running into a store for 20 seconds I turn the car off and I lock it and I take my bag and my phone and my vape with me I take everything with me and this is not something that I knew that I did until someone pointed it out to me the other day like why the fuck do you do that and I'm like what do you mean that's

That's just how you get out of the car. But like truthfully, in my car, it's always so clean. I don't leave nothing in it. I don't leave a jacket. I don't leave a pair of shoes. And if I do leave a pair of shoes, it's like some slides I don't care about. If somebody steals them, like I'm okay with it. But like anything I leave in my car, I understand.

Okay, that's going to get stolen eventually. Because I've had my cars broken into so many times. I've also worked with my stepdad a long time ago. He had a glass repair company for like cars and shit. And I saw how many times people's cars got broken into. I was helping him change the glass in them. And I'm like, it's happened to me so many times. And that's just something that's been like ingrained in my mind where it's a quirk.

Not really. It's just like, hello? Are you dumb? Why you leave a shit in the car? Like people I walk by their cars all the time, they got backpacks full of shit in the back of the car or in the front seat. If you're going to leave something, the car at least hide it. But like, that's one thing about me. I cannot leave the car running and I can't leave anything in the car.

So like when I go into the store and I drop off packages or I'm just like running in somewhere and I have to get out of the car, I turn it off because in my mind someone will drive away in it like 100%. Like it's the day I leave my motherfucking car running and run into a store. Someone's going to steal my car. It's just it's not that I give this intentional thought. I'm just kind of realizing like, wow, hey, I do have like these certain things. Because like it's not an option. It's not an option of can I leave this in the car? Do you want it stolen is what goes through my head when I'm getting out?

Like if you leave this in the car, it will get stolen. It gives like OCD, like them tweakers that like fucking got to flip the light switch a hundred times. Like that's what it gives a little. I feel like only certain people are going to understand this because it's like the first time you have something stolen out of your car, you're not going to leave shit in there again. I'm just so like part of me is so like just happy for people you get to walk around so fucking blind. Like you just get to walk around like carefree with like hope in the world. like I'm so happy for you but like watch your shit you know like if you're listening to this and you don't have that just like be prepared if you leave something in the car and I get doing

okay next is not carrying a weapon when I leave the house what do you mean for me to walk out of the house without at least a knife or a gun when I'm traveling I always have knives on me but like when I'm home I have guns on me bunch of them all the time like I can't like feel all right without it. It's like, well, this just got deep for a second. Like when I, like how I said with the car thing, it's not an option to leave shit in my car. It's not an option for me to leave without a weapon. It's like nerfing myself. Like, why would I not? I feel naked. Like, I feel like I'm not wearing pants if I don't have a knife or a gun on me when I'm out in public. But I've been through enough situations where like I've needed it and I'm glad I've had it. But like, I feel like there's just

like a certain lens you got to have on life. Like, are you, are you, are you? Are you, yourself for real. You don't got at least something. Like there was this time in middle school. Was I in middle school or high school? No, I was in high school. I think I was like freshman in your high school. I'm in first period. I just get there for today. Good morning. Didn't even hear a fucking good morning. I walk in class and I sit down and you're like sat in like group tables. It was a cooking class. I know how to cook. Yeah. But I'm sitting at the table and then one of the kids at the table's like, oh, Leo, I heard people are going to jump you today. And I said, who? What do you? What the fuck? I just woke up. What do you? What do you?

mean I'm getting jump today and he's like yeah these like group of like six guys like they're planning on jumping you later so just like watch your back I just wanted to let you know I was like okay cool thanks I guess and I was like who is it and he's like naming off a couple of people and I look over in the class and one of the kids is sitting there so I walk right up to him in the middle of class and I get in his face and I said so I heard you jump in me later today huh none of the other guys were in the class it was just the one and I was like okay so get up then pussy you don't want to do without your friends. And the kid just, like, went dead silent and just, like, wouldn't look at me.

He just, like, looked forward because I was, like, in the side of his face. He was sitting down and I was, like, looking at him. Like, I heard you're going to jump me. Huh? Come on. Let's do it. Like, piss me off bright and early in the morning 8.30 first period. Oh.

So he didn't do nothing. He just, like, sat there, like, looking off into space and wouldn't look at me. So I was irritated. So I was like, all right, fuck it. If we're not going to fight, then I want all of you then. Like, if you're going to jump me, okay, then I'm going to prepare for that. If you're not going to fight me right now, great. Okay, cool.

Teacher comes over at the whole fucking thing. I like to cause a scene. My favorite thing. Always been big and loud. So I go back over and I sit down to my desk and I'm like, whatever. And this girl next to me had a metal pen. So I was like, hey, let me buy that from you. And she was like, huh?

I was like, let me buy that fucking pen. And she was like, you don't need to buy it. You can just have it. And I was like, oh, thank you. So sweet. Angel. I was like, do you have another one? Like, I wanted two because in my head, I'm like,

Okay, six people are going to jump me later today. I don't know what time. I don't know where my friends are going to be. If I get caught like on my own, I'm going to have two metal pins in my hands. I'm going to stab these motherfuckers. Six on one, not happening. One on one, we'll go barehand. Two on one, I'll bear hand you.

You go more than three. I'm stabbing somebody. So this is my mentality back then. Still kind of have it. But I asked the girl, she's like, here's another pin if you need it. And she was like, what is it for? And I was like, in case they try and jump me. I'm going to stab them.

She was like, oh, okay. Love her. of angel bitch. She just totally got it. So I'm like, okay, cool. So I had my two pins. And the whole day, I walked around with the pens. Just ready at any moment to get jumped.

Never got jumped. They were two chicken shit. But that's the thing. If you're going to jump, somebody don't talk about it. Stupid. Just do it. You don't know the element of surprise. But yeah, that's like one of the first moments of like, okay, I'm never going to

not have a weapon on me. So I used to carry weapons in my backpack in middle school because I would get bullied a lot and I would fight a lot. But I stopped because I got. caught with a few. And it's not good to get caught with weapons at school. So you have to get like incognito shit. But from that moment forward, I always had pens on me in school, metal pens, because just in case. And there was a certain brand that I liked because they wouldn't bend or snap. But that's like the moment where it like fully got ingrained in me and I did not leave

my house. I always had a knife on me if I wasn't at school. But I had metal pins on me in school. And it's just kind of like carried. I'm thinking about an old memory right now. We're kind of unpacking this as we go. But yeah, I feel very naked, very stupid to not. It's like when someone comes up to you and tells you you getting jumped later today at school, why would you not have a weapon on you, dumbass? Like you'd think telling the teachers is you going to do anything?

Oh, you help me. I tried that when I was in like elementary school. I used to beg and cry for help. And then I realized none of these adults are going to do shit. I'm still getting bullied. I'm still getting my ass beat. So fuck it. And then I took it into my.

own hands and started fighting and it carried from there like i got to watch my own ass and i got to beat the fuck out of these people even if i'm going to get jumped and get beat up i'm going down swinging you know we're all going to look like we got in the fight it's not just going to be me getting beat up i never understood that i'll fight till i die bitch but yeah okay we're moving we're making a little progress it makes sense now but yeah like the whole thing of like having a weapon why would you not genuinely like that's my that's my outlook on life like i said i feel naked without the weapon i feel naked. And the other night I was in Miami with my friends and I always carry a knife with me when I go anywhere out of town. So we're at the club. We're hanging out. I'm having a good time. So then we end up at a

little after party at my friend's house and then two of the girls I was with wanted to go out and like continue going out. And I was like, oh here, take my knife. And my girlfriends are the same as me. Like they know how life is and they're feisty bitches. And the people at the party were like, whoa, whoa, what? And I was like, what the fuck do you mean? What? They're like, you're like, you have a knife and I was like yeah it's gold it's cute and I flipped it out and let them see it and they were like why are you giving it to her and I was like because she's going out to go back to the club and I don't want to go I'm staying at the after party so why would I not give them something to arm themselves with and they just couldn't compute it in their brains like they didn't understand two cute beautiful

girls are going to go out to the club by themselves do you not know how men are do you not know how this fucking world is, why would you not armed it with something? But it just baffled me that everybody at that party was just like, duh, like why would you do that? Why would I not? Piss me off. Anyway, let's keep going on the list. Okay, next is like a really bad one.

I cannot go to a restaurant and sit with my back to the door. You will watch me have a fucking come apart. There's so many times I've been at a restaurant and I've tried to just like, Let it be okay. I freak the fuck out. If I don't got eyes on the door and I don't got eyes on most of the restaurant, I'll sit there and like my brain

will come up with scenarios. Yeah, this is, maybe I should look at that more. But like, yeah, that's not something I want to like change. Like, you know I'm big about like, look at what you're projecting and like the self growth and all this shit. There's just certain things I'll never heal out of because they've saved my ass so many times.

So sitting on my back to the door is never going to be a thing that I can do. I cannot comfortably do that. and I don't care to look at what I'm projecting into it to, like, let it go. Like, sometimes the survival skills are, like, good. Like, you don't need to, like, integrate them away, you know? Like, yeah, I can, like, manage. But, like, don't fucking put my back to the door.

I'm not sitting like that. Everybody I go eat with knows I face the door. Or he's sitting next to me if you've got the same problem. We'll just be, like, little lunatics over here watching everybody, watching everything. Like, until you've, like, been through, like, shit happening in a restaurant or someone coming in the door that's after, you, you don't get it. But like, I'm not going to be caught, slip it. Another thing I also do, I've talked about this before, is when I go to a restaurant or

I go in somewhere, I spot three exits immediately. Like, it's a club, it's a restaurant, it's wherever. If I'm going to close space, I look for three exits, whether there's three doors or like two doors in a window. And then I identify something I can use to break the window to get out if I need to, like if there's a fire or something. But that just like keeps my mind at ease. But I feel like it's a basic fucking survival skill, right?

okay the next one on the list I had to call my mom and ask her about it she's the exact same way so I'm like is this is this is this valid and she was like no I do the same shit like my mom will scream she gets into like a really bad panic mode but when you go to the grocery store you know how like there's the meat section and you're like leaned over looking at the meat you want to buy my mom if someone walks up next to my mom too quietly and there's just like all of a sudden somebody standing next to her she'll fucking scream like get like worried and like want to get them the fuck away from her but i don't have it like that i just like when i walk up to the meat section or i walk up to something at the grocery store if there's a bunch of people like standing there i won't go up to it i'll wait until they all fuck off and move and people love to take their goddamn time at the meat section you know what you need just grab it

and get the fuck out of the way you know what i mean i'm in now two seconds lean ground beef done chicken if i need it done okay boom gone out the way but like if i'm at the meat section at the grocery store. There's people up there. I'm not walking up next to them. But also, if I'm standing up there and I'm getting my shit, I'm really good. I know how to find what I need and then just get it and move. Because if I'm over there looking down at the meat and someone walks up next to me, not happening. Like, I'll fully turn and face you and back up. Because I'm like, you're walking up on me when my attention is distracted. Like, I'm looking down at the meat. I'm looking down at something. And you just walking up next to me like we fucking know each other.

That's something weird. People like don't understand. personal space. That's why I don't like the grocery store. I order groceries 100 times out of 10. I don't like to go for a lot of reasons, but I order them because what the fuck are you doing getting up in my face like that? They're not even near my face. It's just like, you know what I'm saying? Certain people are going to understand that one and certain people aren't. But like when my back is turned and I'm focused on something, it's like being at the gas pump. When I'm pumping my gas, I'm always looking around. I'm never just like face into it type of. in my zip code for my credit card and fucking doing this. Like I'm scanning head on a swivel the whole

time. You've never been fucked with at a gas station before? I know you have if you listen to this podcast. But yeah, like my head's always on a swivel. Another one is when I'm at the gym and I got to go fill up my water at the water fountain. I feel like a little kid. Every time I go to fucking water fountain, I feel like a little like middle schooler. Oh, I'm at PE. I got to go fill up my water. It's cute. But every time I'm going to fill up my water, I don't. don't have my face just turn toward the water. Like, yeah, I spill it sometimes. Like, I've gotten good at just, like, eyeing it because I always got my body open. It's like, I'm never just facing the water fountain. I'm half body turned away from it. So I'm like filling it up, but I'm like

looking around. And I love the certain gyms that I go to because there's mirrors right in front and next to the water fountain. So I can watch my surroundings without having to fucking like fully turn away sometimes. It's nice. But that's just something I'm not good at is like, having my back toward people in a public setting. But also I'm in the public eye. So like I've been like this because of past traumas and shit. But being in the public eye now, I get approached a lot. And I always have people like, I'm always on display.

So it's like, hello, you got to like be aware of your fucking surroundings. But another thing on the list, I haven't even looked at the list. I'm just running through them because they're all just like coming to me. Another thing I put on the list was when people approach me, the first thing I do is do a triangle. scan their hands. Like, I'll look at them in the eyes, scan their hands and go back up to their eyes. So, like, if you ever met me and you thought I was sizing you up, I wasn't. Love you. I've never had, like, a weird interaction with people that recognize me in public. A couple of, like,

awkward ones, but, like, never bad. No one's ever approached me like some bullshit. Besides when I got jumped in Berlin, I had to stab with you guys. But that's in the past. I don't want to talk about that. I don't even know if they recognized me or knew me. It felt like a setup. But, yeah, that's the bygones, be bygones with that one. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. never had a bad experience. But yeah, people also know, like, you know when somebody's sizing you up or if someone's just looking at what's in your hands. You know what I mean? Like, anybody who approaches me, whether they recognize me or not, I'm, I don't let them close to me immediately. Like, I'll scan their hands and then I'll go in for a hug or say hi, whatever it is. You know what I mean?

But yeah, sizing you up is like looking you up and down. Like, what's up, bitch? That's not what I do to you. I do a triangle. Nice and polite. Pink, pink, pink. Just look at your hands. Okay. Next one on my list. When I go. the bathroom, I only go into the stalls. I don't do the urinals, unless I, like, have to or the bathroom's empty. So I've had a couple of experiences of people where they've tried to take a photo of my dick while I'm at the urinal pissing. And this has happened twice. That's not something I've ever talked about or like, it's just not something I've ever, like, thought about because I was talking to my mom about, like, certain shit for this episode. Like, we were just laughing at each other

because they're both a little fucked up. And I was like, yeah, like in the bathroom, I only go to a stall and she was like why like I was just like looking at my behavior and I'm like oh wow so I've never told anyone but there's a couple times that I've been pissing at the urinal someone tries to take a photo and it's always a little bit of a scuffle trying to make them delete it because I will grab them and you're not getting away from me you're either going to eat your fucking phone or delete the photo and I make them go into the recently deleted two and delete it out of there but I thought I cracked the code one time like twice it happened at a urinal then I'm in the stall once I was like a year later. I'm like, ooh, okay, but I only started going into the stalls. Then I'm in a stall one day,

and I'm pissing. And I'm trying to do a boom. This is a long time ago. And someone, I see someone's hand come over the top with a phone and take a photo of me. Luckily, I didn't have the drugs out. It was just my dick. I was just peeing. But like, that one was the problem because what do I have to do now? I got to come out of my stall and go running up in yours and push your fucking head up against the wall. That's weird. That's very fucking strange and very weird. Yeah, I made him delete the picture, but like that one I hit a little because what the fuck are you doing? Why do you think that's okay to do to people in public? And I know what girls have to deal with on their own, but it's like, that's just, that pisses me off, but like I can't just go piss in a bathroom in peace. Okay,

I got to go into the stall every time. And even when I'm in the stall, I got to be looking up to see somebody's hands or looking down to see if someone's taking a photo from below. Pissing in public is just hell for me. I don't shit. in public. Okay? That's one thing I'll just hold it and find somewhere very private to go if I have to go, like a hotel lobby or something where they got like the full floor to ceiling private section bathrooms. Yeah, that's just one other thing. I was thinking about and I was like, wow, I can't even piss. But I do think that's good advice to give is like watch yourself in a bathroom because also there's no cameras in a bathroom like from the establishment. There's just losers with their fucking phone.

Also watch your stuff in the bathroom Because that's something like where I used to grow up in Pensacola People would like rob people in the bathroom Because like I said there's no cameras So like if you're ever in the bathroom Do not put your shit on the floor Like if you're a girl with a bag Do you don't put your purse on the floor

The fuck hold it Don't be just sitting on the floor Someone could snatch it But also that's nasty gross dirty So yeah to keep your eyes peeled in the bathroom For multiple reasons Okay I have one about crowds of people And then I just had one come to my mind

So I'm gonna tell you that one first You know how like when you checking in somewhere or your, like we're saying your number, like your phone number in public for rewards, like Sephora. You go to Sephora and you buy in shit and like, oh, what's your number for rewards? I ask to type it in or I have, I have a whole separate burner phone that I use for shit like this. This is a good tactic. If you ever feel uncomfortable in public or somebody's listening, do not read your phone number or your address out loud. If someone asks for your information like you're signing up for something. Don't just say your email. Don't just say your

address or your phone number. Ask for a pen and paper to write it down so you can slide it to them. I also had business cards made with my information on it so I could just slide it to them with when they ask. But that's like a public eye thing. But also, you all need to be careful because people are listening. I'm a fucking wacko too. Like I've fully memorized people's phone numbers when they're saying it just because I'm curious. So be aware. People, could be listening to your shit. They could be like listening to your information. They can get your name, address, and phone number within 20 seconds if you're signing up for

something. Like you go to a restaurant, you have a reservation. Oh, it's for Leo. Okay, cool. If they ask for like a confirmation of like a number or something, don't say it or just say the last four digits, last digits or XYZ and just say that so they can confirm it. But like, that's something that's very uncomfortable for people and they don't get it. Like they don't have like the forethought to think of shit like that.

Like you're just blatantly just saying in public your information. Like I said, I have a whole separate burner phone where it's the number that I use for everything. Because people I've had problems in the past with like people looking up in the system. My information. You should always use fake information. Like that stupid shit like Sephora or the gym. Don't be putting your real address.

Like my address is one, two, three, fuck you drive when I sign up at the gym. Because like anybody who works at the gym, like if somebody's creepy, like creepy people People work everywhere. Like they can, if they work there, they have access to that system. So even if you're not in the public eye, people can look up your information in the system. Like if there's a guy or a girl that's like into you and they work at the gym, you never know who's looking up your shit. They can go find your address if you put your real address in. Why the fuck does the gym or Sephora need to know about your address for real?

What are they going to send you? A fucking coupon? Fuck the coupon. Have you privacy. Have you safety. But yeah, that's a big thing. Well, like I said with the burner phone, I have a whole cyber phone for all that. I have a whole separate number because like sometimes you need the text alerts.

So it's like I have two phones. I have three. But I have two phones. One's the burner phone and one's like my main phone. So that's one thing I do also is like I have the number. But like if you can also give fake numbers for certain things, but just remember the number. Because like at the gym or something, if you sign up and you use a fake number, I've done this before. Speak of them, experience.

Use a fake number. You sign up. You pay for the membership. And then they can't look up your account because you forgot the fake. number you gave them. Okay? So just if you're going to have a fake number, remember the fake number. But yeah, that's my advice on that. Okay. Last thing on my list for now is crowds of people. Whenever I'm in a crowd of people, I cannot be in the crowd. I have to be able to watch the crowd. So like the perfect example, I went to the women's rights protests. Like they were trying to ban abortion

in Houston a couple years ago and I went to protest. I'm like, what the fuck? Partly I went to protest one to show support. Two, I went to watch women to make sure they're okay because a lot of people show up as like, what are they called? Like the people against the protest and they want to fuck with the protesters. You're not going to fuck with a group of women while I'm alive. Sorry. But when I got to the rally, I had my little sign. They were giving out signs and shit. I was like, ooh, okay, woo. Like I have my support. Yeah, here I am. But I was like looking for where I could go climb up on to like watch the crowd. So there was like this certain little like half bridge thing. So I went up it and then I went around the top of it. And like I sat.

where I was right on top of the street where everything was happening, but I was bird's eye view. The thought of being in the middle of that crowd, I couldn't have done it. Like, I would have had to eat five bars of Xanax and die before I could go stand in a public crowd like that. Uh-uh.

So, like, I like to go to crowded things. I just like to watch. Like, if you see me at a festival, I'm on the side. I'm up somewhere high. Like,

I like to get on things. Like, if you ever see me in a crowd or, like at the club even. I'm on the booth. I'm in a private section on a booth. I'm watching the club. I'm also watching all my friends make sure everything's okay. But like if you ever see me, I'll wave to you, bleed kiss. Maybe like bring you a shot or something. But like I'm always up on shit. Like if I'm in a crowded thing, I'm up on top of things. I'm not in the crowd. That's something I can't do. Like the thought of going into a crowd that like my body would not let me. My body

would have a fucking panic attack and be like, no, we have to get out of here now. Everyone's going to die. Like my brain can't allow me to be in a crowd and I don't think that's that bad Someone has to be to look out, you know, I'll be to look out But like I just I can't be in crowds I used to love being able to go to festivals And like go in the middle of shit But still I would always have like a perfect exit like I can't be surrounded where I can't escape something I don't got the claustrophobia shit where I'm like scared of tight spaces I don't like when I can't escape something like if something goes down or something happens and I can't like beeline out of there or

like find a way out. Yeah, I don't like it. I can't do it. I used to be able to do it and I was like 22, 23 and I was doing the festival stuff. But now if I go to a festival, I got to be in like the little private spot. I get stressed out. Well, that's all the things on my list. This is fun. Talks and shit, right? Yeah. Everybody asks, what does it like to be you? Here's a little insight. Okay. Not everything's peaches and cream. I'm just really baffled like how people don't have this. Like even before I was in the public eye, I was already like, like with the shit, like from like a teenager. Like I just, I don't understand how people's brains don't like have this also.

But it's so cute. Like when I'm with my friends who don't think like this, it's so refreshing. And I'm just like, oh, look at you enjoying life. It's so cute. Look at you leaving something in the car. Oh my God. Hope you're okay with it being gone. But like, it's just very heartwarming for me.

When I get to like watch my friends and people around me, just like be so. fucking oblivious. I'm like, I got you. Don't worry. Like, I get to protect them. I'm like, okay, go ahead. Like, I'm over here. Like, I still am watching everything. But, like, I like, I like to foster that and let them go, like, have their fun. Because it's like, that's like a part of innocence that a lot of people lose. Like, I always feel like I had to grow up so fast. And a lot of you guys relate to that. A lot of people have, like, asked me to make that episode of, like,

what you experienced growing up too fast. But there's like certain elements of it. I'm like, when I see it in people, I just want to, like, protect it. I'm like, I don't want you to see things how I see them. Like, yeah, it's smart. But like if you can be a little stupid a little bit longer, I'm going to hold space for that. You want to make sure you okay. You can go be stupid. I got you.

That's all I got for this week. I feel. I don't got nothing else that to tell you. If you agreed with anything that I said or you get it, leave it in the comments. I need to know that other people like live like this. Because every time I open the phone, somebody's on a walk with the headphones on, posts some videos about it. I'm like, oh my God.

It like sends me into like, what the fuck? Like how? That one is my biggest hang up. That's why I started with it. Listening to shit in public. Like, I would kill for the day. I could just, like, go be out in the middle of nowhere and just, like, put on a podcast and go stroll. Oh, like, horrifying.

I can't even think about it. Like, it makes me like, ooh. Like, when I was in that cabin a couple months ago in the middle of the woods, I didn't listen to shit. Like, I was in that cabin. And if I was on the phone talking to my mom or talking to my sister, that's one thing. but like during the day and even at night i'm in a cabin in the middle of the woods four miles from everything why would i have something playing you know what i mean like people just have to fill the space so much and i'm like am i the fucking weirdo or are you all the fucking weirdos like truthfully to have

every moment of silence of your day be occupied by someone talking or by music i think you're the wacko on this stance yeah mine's more so like about survival and like i need my senses to make sure nothing's like coming up on me but like I think y'all are the weird ones with that truthfully if you can't have a second of your day that ain't filled with some kind of fucking noise you're the weirdo and I'm not going to claim none of your negativity you'll see them videos where people are like I claim no negative energy from this video that's what I'm doing with you but yeah that's it if you made it this far on the episode comment the headphones emoji because I got a fucking problem with that only reason at the gym I'm comfortable wearing headphones is because

I'm surrounded by mirrors. I don't go to gyms that are not covered in mirrors because I can watch my back, you know? But also sometimes I know to like kick it on transparency mode so I can still hear what's going on. I'm aware enough of my surroundings, but like at the gym, I can watch everything in the mirrors. So like that's, I do be, I do be doing the headphones out in public with that. But like when I'm walking out into the parking lot, before I even walk out of the gym door, my headphones are out of my ears. Why are you walking into the parking lot with headphones on?

Anyway, that's for y'all to figure out. Enjoy it while you have it. Okay, I'm done streaming for now. I had fun with this episode. If you like this video, leave a thumbs up. Like I said, if you relate to anything, comment. Let me know. Because I know I'm not the only one.

And I know y'all understand it. I know y'all get it. Also, if you haven't heard yet, I've been talking about it and haven't shut up, but I dropped my man beaters, my tank tops. If you would like to order some, I'll put the link in the description. But that's it. That's it for this week. Everybody, be safe.

Take care of yourself. And I'll talk to you guys next Sunday.