Aware & Aggravated - 78. (WWLD) Fear of Failure, Losing Weight While Drinking, & Handling Toxic Family Members

Episode Date: May 28, 2023

In this episode of What Would Leo Do (WWLD) Leo gives some of his most honest advice yet. He covers more than 10 topics and breaks a lot down for you along with sharing some practical advice like how to lose weight even while drinking, guidance on restraining orders, handling toxic family members, and guilt around abortion. Body Image Podcast (Episode  58):Video: https://youtu.be/ybggNo1P08sAudio: https://open.spotify.com/episode/66DvAysaTE8hCbNwzrt8qr?si=Ld5KNmh7S6mCK7DO1YOMEwAlcohol Podcast (Episode 35): https://open.spotify.com/episode/0jAFzEsN6q4NZylzs41Ue5?si=72PKJKqnTEqcyQPjWJn1NA😁 WWLD Submissions: https://forms.gle/sNtQjjwvXUisfdgh9🗳️ Vote on the topic for my next podcast episode: https://forms.gle/zLYrqARubCaLTKzT7✅ FOLLOW ME HERE:https://www.instagram.com/theleoskepi https://www.tiktok.com/@leoskepi 👕 MERCH https://shopleoskepi.com/collections/all-products📱 MY APP POSITIVE FOCUS Apple: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/positive-focus/id1559260311Google: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.positivefocusapp 🔒 MY PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT COMMUNITY https://www.facebook.com/groups/851294735925522/ 💎 1-ON-1 COACHING AND MENTORSHIP*Taking on new clients again soon.📝 ACCOUNTABILITY TEMPLATES/WORKSHEETS https://leoskepitemplates.comBusiness Inquiries:[e-mail]

Okay, here we go. Let's do this. What was that? Why is there a feather in my pocket? Is that good luck or bad luck? I'm just gonna tell myself it's good luck because I don't want to stress myself out Hi friends, this week we're doing another episode of what would Leo do? Let's just jump right into this. I'm excited and there is one question I was about to start with But it's a little too intense for like the beginning of the episode. So I'm gonna pick something a little not as harsh because you're not gonna like what I have to say.

So let's start with this one. The first situation, what do you guys wrote in? Someone said, what do you do when someone ghosts you? Do you keep them on your socials? I've been debating or moving the person from my socials, but I feel as though that would give the other person the win. Block the fuck out of them like they never existed. Literally when someone ghosts you or leaves your life make it easy.

Arrase any trace of them. Just control all the lead. Get that bitch out of your life. That's what I would personally do because when someone ghosts you clearly ain't got no balls because people ghost when they're scared of conflict and Honestly, they're probably not looking at anything you're gonna do as a message So my petty ass would just block them on everything like I don't exist You wanted to play the little ghost thing game. I'll play it better. You'll never be able to find me again. Ha All right, the next situation took me on a ride. This one stressed me out. This person said my brother was engaged to someone

And they always got into fights this led to an explosive fight where they decided to take a couple days away from each other My brother came home to stay with me while his fiance stayed at their house they have together While my brother was at home looking for couples therapists to help work through their differences, his fiance downloaded Grindr and hooked up with another man. Now my brother is considering getting back together with him, but my family will never forgive or accept his fiance ever again. Should my brother get back together with him? Do you even got to ask me? Girl, no. You wouldn't catch me asking for

no kind of advice in a situation like this. I would be asking for an attorney's phone number because I would drive my car through the house. But that's what old Leo would do. Me now, I'd handle it different because I have too much to lose. I can't be crazy like I used to, but your brother should have absolutely no even consideration of getting back with this dude because you got in a fight and he wouldn't fuck somebody new. That is why I like despise the gay community so much is how many things are normalized in it like open relationships, fucking freely hookups

that like you meet someone for five minutes online then you're having sex five minutes later I don't like that. That's not normal to me in my opinion Let me just throw in in my opinion because everybody's gonna get fucking mad and we cry I don't like the slutty shit. I don't like the whole get mad get into a fight and go hook up with somebody What the hell? What the literal fuck? But on a real note if you're in a relationship with someone and you get into an argument or you get into a fight And they take it upon themselves to step out on a relationship or do anything that would hurt you or jeopardize your relationship with them There is no getting

Trust back in the relationship because every single time you get upset or they get mad at you You're gonna have that fear. They're gonna go fuck somebody else because now they have proof that they'll do it It's like it's one thing when you're just overthinking it and you're thinking about it But when this person actually steps out on you like that in the middle of an altercation There is no safety ever to be had in that relationship and I make very harsh claims like ever Because this is damage that cannot be undone And this is damage that scars you for the rest of your entire relationship with this person You're never gonna feel safe again. You're gonna be walking on eggshells every single time you get into an argument with your partner

Because are they gonna go fuck somebody else? Are they gonna step out? What are they gonna do? If that's his first go-to, you shouldn't fucking be engaged from anyway. Fiance, I'm glad you ain't married yet. Though that fucking ring in the trash, I was about to say and hit him with the car. But that's what Oli Oli would do. Walk the literal fuck away.

I'm someone that's so old-fashioned in my beliefs and loyalty and how I am that, if I get into a fight with someone and I'm dating someone and we break up, I'm not hooking up with nobody for at least 30 days. At minimum, 30 days, I will not talk to entertain, kiss, make out, hook up with or entertain anyone. Just in case we get back together. Like I'm not gonna ruin that. So this is a very like cut and dry situation and your brother is gonna be sad and like it's gonna fuck him up and this just did fuck him up because now any person he dates in the future whenever they get mad or get into a fight his brain is immediately gonna resort back to this situation. Last

time we got into a fight, my entire relationship was thrown away. My entire life as I knew it was wiped out. And it's gonna impact him for all future relationships. If make him watch this episode and tell him, this situation has just impacted you for all future relationships. Do not let it impact you twice on this one. This one's done. It's over with. The guy that fucking cheated on you like that, that's someone, oh my god, there's so much to break down when someone just steps out like that. I don't care what you want to call it, I don't care how mad you are. That's the most disrespectful fucking inconsiderate shit and I have to watch what I say now because I have a big platform. This is why assault assault should be legal.

There should be certain circumstances where standing somebody up and pummeling their ass is legal. If you fuck me over with something like this, it should be 100% legal to sign a fucking waiver. You gotta get in the ring with somebody and just go at it until I feel better and no charges can be pressed. I would love that. This is unacceptable behavior in my opinion. So Leo would leave and never look back. So tell him that. Oh my god. Okay, next situation, this girl said,

I talked to a dude for about four months, but he always mentioned his ex and he would always have to be the good guy. And this was a red flag to me. I don't know, am I crazy? No. If anyone in your life that you meet, friend, relationship, anything, if someone cannot take accountability for absolutely anything, red flag bitch, red flag. If he's just painting it out like he's this perfect person and he did absolutely nothing wrong, Everybody knows something they did wrong or could have done better in a situation, whether it's friend relationship, anything. So if you can't even own up to the fact of potential things you contributed to, that's not a good sign. That's somebody that needs to justify everything that happened by pointing

the finger. The finger needs to be pointed both ways. Everybody needs to justify everything that happened by pointing the finger. The finger needs to be pointed both ways. Everybody needs to be able to take accountability. And if someone doesn't display the ability to take accountability for anything, they won't take it with you. So anything that happens between you two, they're going to flip it and make you the bad guy and run their mouth and talk shit. No, red flag, you're not crazy.

Okay, the next situation is the one that I avoided in the beginning, but someone wrote in and said, I might be pregnant with my ex's baby. He treated me horribly and I just got out of the relationship. What would Leo do? I would go to the clinic. And before everybody attacks the fuck out of me shut up This is what Leo would do not what Betty Boop watching Leo would do don't run at me and try and correct me You're wrong. I would take it upon myself to not Choose the consequence of carrying this baby if you actually are pregnant Because it is gonna do nothing but tie you to this person

for the rest of your life. I would not want that kind of attachment, one, but two, I don't wanna share the genes with somebody like that. If they did you like that dirty. And I know a lot of people don't like that. Like I don't wanna say the A word because YouTube is gonna fucking delete me again or people are gonna like freak out.

I don't care. Like this is a situation I would wholeheartedly like appointment immediately. Like I would not go through with the pregnancy at all. Like if this is why I was not a girl. God knew better with my eyes. They were like, we'll just make him big and gay. But that really is a big decision.

To go and carry this baby that belongs to your piece of shit ex. And like, it's not too late to get out of it. If you do decide to carry the baby, you better than me, but I just want you to know that someone sides with you, even if they won't say it And I'm gonna get a lot of backlash for saying this

But I know you're carrying a lot of guilt because I know you're considering it because you wrote a little bit more Do not feel bad about it if you want to cut all ties do it I personally would not even consider carrying it to term and having this baby. That's what Leo would do Well, that one's gonna get me in trouble. I know it But it's the truth bitch. That's what Leo would do. Oh, that one's going to get me in trouble. I know it. But it's the truth, bitch. It's the truth. So if no one will be honest with you and tell you, I will love you. All right, the next person said, how do I get over the fear of starting something new and failing? So I used to have this same fear, but I beat that out of me. And the way that I kind of did it was looking at the perspective of what's really going on.

So you standing where you are right now, not trying what it is that you want to try, is the exact same position you'd be in if you tried it and failed. It's the exact same position. So if you don't take a step and try it, you've already are in the same position as if you were to try it and fail. There is no, like, go further back from where you are. But I want to enlighten you on, if you try this and you do fail, that's not actually the same position. That's a better position to be in because what you just learned from that failure, what you just learned from going through all that, is so much more leverage than you realize. So even if you try something you don't get the desired outcome and you look at it as

a failure, you just learned so much more than you even realize and there's so much character development in that. And it's going to kind of take that fear away of failing because it's scary as fuck when you're standing here trying to convince yourself to do something with the potential of failing. When you try it and fail, you're going to realize it's not actually as bad as you think. So if you do actually fail, I've failed at plenty of shit that I've tried. If you actually do fail, you're going to realize it's not as bad as you think. And you're not going to have this fear anymore. But

the only way to get over that fear is get over that first bridge of trying something. So go try it. If you do fail, so fucking be it. But staying stuck and never trying something, I personally don't like to live with regret. I'd rather look back on my life and say, oh well, then be looking back on my life and saying, oh, what if, like, what if I had tried that? What would life be like? That would run me stupid. I'd rather be like, oh well, I tried it. I learned whatever and move forward. I don't wanna ever live with regret. So, fuck it, do it.

You got it. All right, the next person asked how to give advice to other people who aren't aware. And with this one, I would not offer advice unless someone is asking for it. Because if someone is asking for advice, they're more receptive to it. And their brain is open to a new possibility

or advice or guidance. If someone is not asking for advice, don't fucking give them advice. But what I like to do is share a new perspective. That's what my podcast is very helpful to a lot of people because you can just watch it. You can just listen to it. You don't have to implement any new action into your life. You don't have to do anything. I just change your mindset by sharing

so many new outlooks and perspectives on certain situations and on life in general that it just flips you and you can't help but not be more aware because you now understand things at a way deeper level. So I'd say share new perspectives, they maybe aren't seeing but don't give advice, because if someone is not asking for advice and you try and give it, they're gonna be annoyed, they're not open to hearing it, they're not receptive to it. So don't just go around offering advice

and especially to someone that you perceive as not aware, just share new perspectives, trust me, because the advice is probably gonna turn into a fight or they're to fight you on it, it's just going to be a shit show, so just offer new perspectives, or shut up, let them run on their own. That's what I have to do a lot, like some people, you just have to trust them with their own life, you a dumbass right now, but you're going to have to go experience some shit and then you'll figure it out, like you just got to put people's life into their own hands. Alright, next person said,

how to be body confident and learn to love myself in my own skin. I actually have a full podcast episode about body image and how to accept your body and stop hating your body. It's episode 58. It's called how to stop hating your body. It's on YouTube, Apple Podcast, Spotify, everything.

Everywhere you can listen to shit, it's there. But if you wanna watch it, it's on YouTube. Well, that will help you with ton with that. I'll link it in the description for you. But it's a whole 30 minute episode that will do it way more justice than if I try and spit some shit out right now. Go watch that. Next situation, someone said, how do you deal with toxic family and having to live with them? Funny choice of words, you said having to live with them. Watch what you speak over yourself

because you do not have to live with them. It's, you're not forced into it. You're choosing to live with them. And I want to just open you up to that for a second. You feel like you have to live with toxic family. That does not feel good. So understand you're choosing it because you could take on the consequences

of leaving and taking on all the financial stress and trying to figure it out and move and leave and be on your own. That's a whole set of consequences you just are not choosing. You're choosing to stay at home, live with your family, but you're choosing the consequence of dealing with them if they're toxic and they treat you bad. But I think the best thing you can do about dealing with toxic family that you can't kind of escape or you feel like you have to live with is look at each person individually with the attitude of trying to understand them and everything that they do. Why do they do certain shit? Why do they say certain shit? What are they getting out of it? Just try to understand them as best you can because as soon as you understand

people, you can't judge them as hard. And a lot of their actions will make a lot more sense. Once you try to understand them instead of just saying, Oh, you're toxic, you're stupid, you're mean, whatever it is. Try to understand why they do and say certain shit. And also understand everything you feel they feel they're a human being too and when you're very close with people especially family you kind of forget that we all have the same needs like emotional needs as a human being like your parents want comfort too your family wants comfort your family feels sad your family gets upset even if you have that one relative who's just a fucking prick and is just mean all the time they're're neglected as hell. They have things that they want to, they have needs that are not being met, they get

sad, they get down, they care about things, they like your presence too. That's another thing. It's a lot of people forget that even though someone might be a little mean to you that you're living with, they enjoy your presence. So understand your meeting needs for them and try to understand everything you can about their behavior and the way that they think and what they do.

And just by opening up to try and understand them, it will help you drop a lot of judgment and resentment toward them. And then when that kind of drops from your end, they're gonna interact with you a lot different and things will seem less toxic. So try that out and see how it works. Okay, the next thing is something

that I've dealt with personally many a time, and I'm sick of it, someone's had how to deal with the crush on a close friend. So when I was in high school, there was this girl funny. There was this girl that I was very very close friends with and my sister had to check me one time and I'm gonna give you the advice she gave me I was very close with this girl and we were like best friends we spent time together all the time she had a

boyfriend and then they broke up and spending so much time with her and appreciating her company and caring about her I thought I liked her and I thought I actually had a crush on her and appreciating her company and caring about her, I thought I liked her. And I thought I actually had a crush on her and wanted to be with her. And my sister asked me like, do you want to be with her or do you just like being around her? Like do you just enjoy the friendship and appreciate the friendship? Like you don't have to take it to a relationship. Like you can just, this was my straight era. My sister was like, do you think you like her or do you like her like her? Like you've been spending a lot of time together. You're very close. That's okay But get clear on like do you actually want this person and like this person or are you just very appreciative of your time and your bond with them?

Now I have a little advice of my own from what I'm going through right now and have been going through the past few months. I'm friends with a lot of straight people and I have a crush on a couple of my straight friends, but there's nothing ever going to come of that. Like, I'm gay, they're straight. It doesn't matter how much I like them. I'm not what they like. I'm not what they prefer. Yes, they care about me. Yes, they love me, but they're not into me sexually and there's nothing ever gonna come of a relationship or anything further than a friendship, but I weirdly, sickly love having a crush on somebody. Like, you're safe to just like them as much as you want without it going anywhere. Like the fact that they're straight makes me feel safe to have a crush on them because

I just get to admire them and hang out with them and enjoy them and have a little crush and like be obsessed with them within limits. Like I know it's not gonna go anywhere so I feel safe to just like whatever. But I do have a crush on a couple of straight people, and it's fun. Like I love having a crush because I'm so not fucking impressed by anybody. Chronically unimpressed, hi, here I am. So when I do finally find someone that I do have a crush on, I enjoy it.

I enjoy having someone I admire and having someone that I just like being around and someone I'm just like infatuated with. Like I love that I love having a crush so let yourself just enjoy having that even if nothing's gonna come from it you can still Enjoy the moment and enjoy the experience of having a crush Because it's gonna die You're either gonna get a dick or something's gonna happen where you just no longer have that crush. So enjoy it while you got it. There's this video

going around recently on social media where I forget the exact words but it's like you think you have a crush on someone but really it's just a lack of knowledge and information about them. Something along the lines of that but that's the true shit in the world. You think you got a crush on somebody so you get to know them. Till you get to know them and you learn more about them and you're like never mind That happens to me a lot and a couple of crushes that I've had on my little straight friends like I've gone away very quick Once I get to know them because I'm like you Like I love you as a friend, but I don't got a crush on you no more, you know

But Leo would just enjoy having the crush like just have it but also check Is this someone that you actually want to be with or do you just think that you want them because you're such good friends with them play with that? All right, the next situation this girl said I'm trying to lose weight But I have a slight drinking problem. How do you manage achieving your goals, but also drinking? So if you are not gonna stop drinking I will tell you how I drink and not gain weight. Don't nobody come at me with no use eating this to order. This is promoting bad health. Shut the fuck up. All right. If you're not gonna quit but you have a goal I'm gonna help you get there. I got you. So the

biggest thing to get about alcohol if you still want to drink but also lose weight Each shot of alcohol is around a hundred calories. So you need to budget that into What you're doing, okay? So what I do when I know I'm gonna drink on a certain day like a Friday or a Saturday that day at the gym when I go to the gym I like to the gym, I like to have around like five to six shots. I don't like to get drunk no more. I don't, it makes me uncomfortable being in public

because I get recognized. And when I have people come up to me, I want to be able to like hold it together and like remember the experience because I love when you guys come up to me. So I don't get drunk, drunk, and public anymore, but I'll have like five, six shots or like five, six drinks, keep it cutesy.

But with that, that's around five to 600 calories of alcohol I'm gonna be consuming. There's no other macro in it. So when I'm eating throughout the day, I will either eat 500 less calories of carbs and bullshit. I'm still getting my protein in. Or I will do 500 calories of extra cardio on the treadmill after my workout, because you wanna be in the deficit.

So let's say your maintenance are like your calories that you can eat to still lose a little bit of weight is like 2000 calories a day. Let's do that math to keep it simple. If you know 500 calories are gonna be to alcohol, if you eat the same and then you drink, that's 2500 calories you've just consumed. So dial that shit back, eat 1500 and then drink.

Or eat 2000, do 500 of cardio and then drink. That'll even you back out to 2000 and you'll be at your maintenance or like whatever your goal calories are to lose weight. But that's something I do every single time I drink because I don't want to fuck up my fitness goals. Like, yeah, I want to have fun, yeah, I want to party. I'm going to get fat though. But back in my day when I was partying a lot and trying to like,

escape my reality, I was drinking around 10 shots to pre-game. So that's a thousand calories. So I used to eat 500 less calories on the days I was gonna drink plus two 500 calories a cardio so I could get my thousand calories of liquor. I know, but I'm not promoting it. I'm just telling you what I did. Shut up.

I'm not giving you advice on this one. But that's how I was able to drink a lot and how I'm still able to drink and not have it impact my fitness goals. I don't do it often. Like I don't drink that often. Once a week max every other week I'll drink whatever, but that's the biggest thing I keep in mind is like how much I'm consuming and I have a whole podcast episode about alcohol and that one's episode 35 on Apple podcasts and Spotify. It's only in the

audio version, sorry. But I have a lot of tips and tricks in there about how I drink and like all the little like hacks that I have, but this is the biggest one if your concern is losing weight and still wanting to drink. So if you are in a place where you do not want to stop drinking or you feel like you can't stop drinking, you're addicted, whatever it is, if you still want to lose weight, you can just play it smart. But understand when you drink, you usually burn more calories because I go out dancing and I go out doing shit. So I burn a little bit more. So just keep that in mind.

You can play around with it, but just understand every drink or every shot is around 100 calories of just alcohol. So don't get no fucking mixers, don't get no sugary shit cause it's just gonna make the calorie count go up. Stick with diet sodas, diet everything. No tonic water, tonic water has sugar and calories for people that didn't know. I talked about it in my alcohol episode,

I was fucking traumatized when I found out. Ugh! I thought cause it just tastes like shit, it was skinny. I thought it was like club soda. No, club soda's fine, You can have that no tonic water But just keep this whole little tidbit around the calorie thing in mind So you can hopefully lose some weight and still get to drink if you're not gonna stop and you got enough people Down your throat about don't drink. It's bad. It's this. It's that like everybody just says don't do it

Nobody will tell you how to do it and still achieve goals. I'll fucking tell you the truth. I give you practical advice because sometimes you can't stop certain shit or you don't wanna stop. Like I didn't wanna stop back then, but I thought goodbye I'll hack.

Then I figured it out and I was still in good shape. And I was blackin' out every weekend. Like I fully get the frustration, so that's why I'm always gonna be honest with you guys If I have a hacker or a secret, I'll tell you of course we all fucking know drinking's not good and you shouldn't drink that often But like I said, I still got you. This is unconditional love. Okay, if you want to know like even if you're still gonna do the bad thing I'm still trying to help you a little bit. You know, be safe though. Love you All right next person asked I'm very quick to get angry and I don't know what?

What do you do when you get mad? So the way that I deal with anger is you got to understand anger is a cover emotion for powerlessness because if you look at the vibrational scale of the emotions, powerlessness is a lower vibration than anger. So if something happens that's out of your control for you to just sit in a place of powerlessness, that's not normal. And that's a lower state to sit in. So your brain and your emotional body is immediately going to kick you up to anger if it can because anger is a boost of energy and will help you take

control and take charge. I get excited when I get angry because I'm like, all right, let's face this shit, let's handle this shit. Cause sitting around and being depressed and being all, oh, there's nothing I can do. Wings, like all powerless and sad. It's not fun.

So be happy that you feel angry. Use the energy that comes with it. Use the anger to charge you because you can't feel tired and be pissed off. So it charges you with a little bit of energy. So focus that energy on what you can do. And the way that I find out what to do or what to put it into is, like I said, anger is the covering motion to powerlessness.

Look at, okay, I know that I'm pissed off and I'm angry right now. What am I angry about? What do I feel powerless to? And what am I actually upset about? Like, what is hurting me in this situation? Get very clear on what it is that's actually bothering you. Like, acknowledge the anger. Okay, I feel angry.

What's under it? What is this covering? What am I hurt by? Figure out what that is. And then you know what to do. You know what to change. You know where to put your energy. You know where to like put that angry effort. It'll make you aware of how to actually fix a situation and see what's truly bothering you. Because just thinking that you're pissed off all the time, it's a messenger. It's something

below it. You just have to understand when you're angry and check in and be like, okay, what's actually bothering me. That's how I deal with anger. All right, next person said, how to take everything I'm already doing to the next level. So this is a mistake that I made a long time ago when I was trying to take everything I was doing to the next level. I kept thinking I had to do new shit. I kept thinking I had to innovate and change and improve and make everything better To get to my next level. No, you need to maximize what you're currently doing if it's working even a little bit Whatever's working and whatever is getting you progress and results

Perfect it put more energy into doing what you're already doing 10 times better. Don't immediately jump and flip and start doing something new. If you have results from something you're doing, do more of it. Make it better. Make it more efficient. Don't more into what you're currently doing

that you're seeing results from, and that will naturally push you to the next level. Sometimes you do need to change shit, but stay consistent with things. So whenever I have an idea to change something, I'm like, okay, I'm gonna do what I've been doing for the next two weeks, 30 days, whatever it is. If it's a really good idea and I wanna change it,

I'll change it. But I try to commit to at least 30 days of doing what I'm currently doing just better and seeing where it takes me. If I still at the end want to change it, I'll change it. But you need to make sure you exhaust everything that's gotten your results already before you start fucking it up because you might make the wrong change. So, if you want to take everything you're already doing to the next level, look for ways to do what you're

doing just better. All right, this next situation hits a little close to home. Let's give it me a little PTSD, and I don't like it. So this girl says, My ex wants me to go to court and remove the restraining order against him that was placed by the judge. Keeping the restraining order the last few months has just been so I would feel protective. I don't think he's a threat anymore and I think he'll stay far away from me. At this point, I feel like part of me resents him for everything he put me through,

so I don't want to remove it for that reason. I know it can affect him and he wants me to remove it, but he's making me feel like a bad person for not wanting to help him out. Oh, so he's like flipping it and guilting you and shaming you because he's now experiencing consequences because of the restraining order for what he did to you. Leo personally learned if someone's doing something to you and it ends up in court and there's legal action taken when you have to put your foot on someone's neck do not let it up. Oh my god, I'm getting triggered from my fucking past.

Do not be the bigger person, do not be sweet. Do not show no mother fucker mercy, who didn't show it to you. If you had to take it to the point to get a fucking restraining order, I don't give a fine fuck what his consequences are. Let him deal with them. You did what you did, you made your fucking bed. Not lay in it. You're never gonna get a gun, you're gonna have trouble getting hired places because you

have a restraining order against you. Have fun with that, you crazy prick. Babe just trust me. Do not remove this restraining order. If you do not feel like it is 100% your decision. Fuck him in his little guilt trip Where was his fucking compassion for you when you needed to get the restraining order from whatever he was doing? He never showed you compassion do not feel obligated to show it to him to remove it. You said that you're both 20

But I like I really want to say if you have to put your foot on someone's neck, do not let it up. I will never, ever make that mistake again in my life. If you take me to the point, I got to put my foot on your neck, it's not coming off. Don't put me in that position. I literally beg people, please do not push me to the point where I hate you

because there's no coming back from it. You will lose all access to my heart, to the point where I hate you because there's no coming back from it. You will lose all access to my heart, to the part of me that cares, to the part of me that is kind, to the part of me that has compassion. That person dies. You will never see that side of me again. You will only see the cold and ruthless side of me. And I don't go back on that.

I learned you never should. You never should show mercy to someone who didn't show it to you. I'm getting emotionally charged with this one because it's like, I don't know your exact situation. Just make sure if you're going to remove this restraining order, it's for you and not for him. You don't owe him a fuck thing. You do not owe him a fuck thing.

And I know you're both 20 and you're saying it's gonna get in the way with his career. I get it, but you're safety's number one. You're gonna do what you want. I personally would not take it off, but I don't know your situation to give you an accurate like judgment. If it was some stupid fucking shit, girl, let it go.

But if you have any any any inkling of fear around him doing something to you or harassing you or attacking you leave that shit set it in stone and do not let it up. But I really just wanted to say the things that I just said to give you relief because I know he's putting you through a guilt trip from hell. But you are the one in control and you are the one that has the power. Something you need to start realizing is you need to see how people behave when the power is in their hands. Do they show you mercy? Are they considerate? Are they compassionate? Do they abuse that power? You need to study it and you need to stay strong when other people have the power and take fucking notes because when it flips and you get the power You do not get to feel bad about shit if you do the same thing to them so be it if you do worse

I'm at it you But that's one thing I always do is I watch how someone behaves when they have the power and then I do the exact same thing when it's in my hands and I hope you can fucking handle it. I hope you can handle what you just did to me. Cause now the power's in my hand and you have the power right now. So just be safe, be careful if you have any resistance or hesitation or thought or like worry, fear, anything,

don't drop it. Don't drop it. Cause getting it back on him is gonna be hard as fuck. Once you drop a restraining order, getting a new one, very, very tough. So, really think this through. But now you know my opinion. Alright, the next person said, how do you stop seeing the good and bad people?

Um, I'm going to tell you, don't try to stop seeing the good and people. Don't ever try to stop seeing the good and people. I don't care who it is. Like, you need to see the good, but what you need to do is stop being blind to the bad. You're allowed to look at the good, but if someone's a piece of shit or they're doing something to hurt you or they're a bad person, acknowledge the bad too. Don't just look at the good. That's your problem.

You're looking at it like this is a bad person. Why do I almost see the good in you? Look at the good. That's your problem. You're looking at it like this is a bad person. Why do I almost see the good in you? Look at the good. Don't discount the bad. Hold space for both. Hold space for the good and the bad. Get it clear and accurate read on whoever it is that you're dealing with. See both. And make a fucking list if you got to pros and cons. Good and bad. Right on the good and right on the bad. And when that bad goes three pages longer, just just get a clear accurate reading on the person at hand but don't ever try and force yourself to stop seeing the good and people that will never hurt you what's hurting you is not addressing the bad so hold space for both and that will help you make better decisions about whatever it is you're going through because you don't give me no details but it's okay. I feel like that'll help.

Alright our last situation for this episode of what would Leo do. This girl asks, do people actually change? My dad kicked me, my mom, and my little brother out six months ago. Now he's calling my mom because he wants us to go back. This has happened three times before and my dad even abused my mom. So he's kicked you out before and then called you to come right back three times. That's a pattern of behavior. Let me keep reading though.

She said that she told her mom not to go back, but she's afraid that her mom is considering going back. She said, I feel like the only reason she hasn't got back with him is me. Because I always tell her what I think and how I feel about it. But I'm gonna leave for college soon and I'm afraid she's gonna go back and I don't want that for her and I'm on my little brother. One thing I need to set you free from is,

if your mom is gonna go back, she's gonna have to go back. You can't save people. You cannot help people if they're gonna keep doing the same thing. You're just gonna have to let them go through it and let them get to their own breaking point. It's very sad and it's very hard to watch someone you care about be hurt repeatedly. But there is nothing you can do to prevent her from going back if that is what she wants to do.

You're gonna be in college, you're gonna be away. If she needs to go get fucked up again and have her life destroyed again, that's something she has to go learn. She's gonna have to get to her own breaking point. So I just want to set you free from that guilt of feeling like there's something you can do, there isn't babe. And I'm so sorry. I've been through a similar situation many times with you just have to let certain people learn. Like it sucks, but people just have to learn the hard way sometimes and it's a pattern of behavior. And it's happened three times before you said,

so if she ain't seen it yet, she gotta go through it a few more times until she finally hits her breaking point. But you don't get to leave with any guilt from that. Just take what I'm saying on that, but you're dead. Let me read into him a little bit. So, he kicks you guys out,

and then calls you and asks you to come back. Mmm. So he's dealing with some shit, obviously, but the whole kicking you out and then calling you to come back, your dad is most likely convincing himself when you guys are there. Whatever he's dealing with is because of you guys and you guys is fault when it's not because he kicks you out. And then he realizes how he actually feels and he calls you to come back. He's not calling you to come back because he genuinely wants you to come back. He's not calling you to come back because he genuinely wants you to come back

He's calling you back because he's just realized what he's dealing with gets worse when you guys leave And then this new set of feelings he has with the voids of you guys plus what he's dealing with He can't handle it. So he brings you guys back to absolve that void He's not bringing you back because he cares about you and loves you. I'm sorry to say it. This is some deep shit with him. He's calling you back because he can't handle the way that he fucking feels. This whole new experience he has when he loses you guys, it's too uncomfortable he needs

you back for that sense of comfort. And then he feels back in control again of whatever he's dealing with and whatever he's feeling because as soon as it gets overwhelming and he feels like he can't do it he kicks you out again he feels like he has control okay it's resolved for a minute and then the pain of losing you guys comes back so he absolves it by bringing you back this is a power play this is some very deep shit going on with him um I think it's a good decision for you to get the fuck out of there and go to college, get away from all that, but your mom is gonna have to learn this one on her own. That he's not

calling her back because he wants to be with her. He's calling her back because he doesn't like how life feels without you guys. Because if you genuinely love someone and you care about Because if you genuinely love someone and you care about them, you're not gonna be abusing them and you're not gonna abandon them and throw them away. This might be a little harsh.

I might also be a little wrong, but I'm not. We all know that. For anyone else watching that is wondering, do people actually change? If you are dealing with someone who has said they've changed, if you have any hesitation about believing that they've changed or not, they have it. If you have to even question it, there's been no change when someone truly changes. People can change, but when someone truly changes, you will feel it.

How everything feels and how they handle everything will be different. You won't even have to question if they've changed. Does that make sense? Like if you have to even hesitate, oh, did they actually change or not? They haven't! Let me save you from that heartbreak. They fucking haven't. Run away. But I do want to give everybody hope people can change because I've changed a whole lot

I've seen people change a lot of people in my life that I've had bad relationships with before have changed Especially family like families the only people I tolerate like Fixing shit friends could go fuck off But like my family has changed a lot. And people genuinely do change. But when they do change, you know. You don't even question it. So yes, people can change. Do I think your dad has changed? No.

And especially because this is the fourth time it's happened. You said it happened three times. This is the fourth. So if the pattern seems consistent and you see no switch or change, and the way he's handling things or approaching situations, and you see no change with the decisions that he's making, and like, how he's kind of navigating everything? No, he ain't fucking changed.

And you can expect the same outcome. If you want to be featured on my next episode of What Would Leo Do, I will leave a link in the description where you can submit your situation. Give me a couple details, but not too long, because when I open it and it's like this fucking long, I don't like to read those. But everything is anonymous. If you want to write in your situation, links in the description. My social media is also going to be in the description if you want to follow me everywhere. You should keep up with me, my friends. I'll also leave a link to my merch

and my app positive focus. A lot of people have been reaching out to me recently about the app telling me to promote it more because they like it a lot. So I'll talk about it again. And everybody who ordered my tote bags that I dropped on my merch line, I love when you post pictures of it. Always tag me on your Instagram stories. I love seeing you guys wear shit.

Like it looks cute on me but like when I see it on y'all I'm like, damn how you styled it like that. Like making me look bad. No but I appreciate you all so much and I genuinely get so much joy out of like seeing you guys with the stuff that I've made. So all the links to everything you need will be in the description. If you listen to the audio version of this podcast leave me a five-star rating. I'm gonna say it real quick and fast because we know this we fight about this every single week. Just leave me to five stars. If you're on

YouTube leave me a comment and leave me a thumbs up. Let me know you liked it. And that brand is all I've got for you for this episode. So everybody, stay safe, be careful, and I will talk to you guys next Sunday.